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For hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Companded products are not FDA-approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. You've heard us talking about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit. Streammax with ads included at no extra cost. If you haven't tried it yet, what are you waiting for? Ronnie, you're a big Last of Us fan, right? Oh, I sure am. The HBO original The Last of Us. It's about to start another season. What would you order on DoorDash while you watch The Last of Us? Well, while I'm watching Last of Us, I prefer eating salads from DoorDash because the zombies are plants, so you're kind of eating the zombie plant people, you know? Oh, good. You're restoring order. Yeah, it's on theme. Sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max is now included with your dash pass annual plan. Streammax with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. In terms of supply, see DoorDash.com/max for details. I'm Ben Mandelker. Buckle. Arrive alive. Don't drink and drive. Buckle up. I'm Ben Mandelker from BeSideBlog.com and the Bantur Blender podcast. Joining me, as always, is the very buckled, very couch-desked, wonderful, hilarious, funny, sweet, lovely, perfect. Ronnie Karam from trashhottv.com. Hello, everybody. Hi, Ronnie. Are you staying dry over there now that El Nino has passed? Yes. I'm totally dry. The sun's out. The world is amazing. I just spent way too long writing way too many words about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. My trash talk TV recap, and I'm stoned with Housewives. It is. Good. I'm stoned on the Housewives. It is. Everyone go check out Ronnie's recap because they're really funny and he puts a lot of time and effort into them. So go to trashtalktv.com to read those because they is funny. I unfortunately have not done a Real Housewives recap in a long time. The last thing I wrote was a board game review last week. So that shows where my priorities, that's where my brain is. Well, I would say that that's a step up, that requires some actual skill to play a board game and stuff. Well, sometimes after we do this show for like five hours a week, I just can't do any more Housewives stuff, so I just turn to my board games and I give them a big hug. And then when I write reviews of them, it's cool because I want people to learn about games that would, I want to spread the joy, but then I could also write off the purchase for taxes too. So there's that. You can anyway. I write everything off. I mean, what are they going to come like, search my house to make sure I really use that self-help book for business. They're going to take away a cushion, they're going to represent the cushion. I think it's funny that you're off time to avoid Housewives is playing board games. Mine is watching shows like The Walking Dead. I'm like, I just need to see someone's face get ripped off. Yeah. Well, I'm also watching Making Your Murderer. And for those of you who missed the last episode, our next bonus episode next week, we are going to devote it to Making Your Murderer. Ronnie is watching it now. I think I've got like one or two episodes left. We're going to talk, we're going to talk about it all. So that's quite a show. And I cannot promise to finish the entire season because I don't want us to be through it. It's really good. I know. Well, you. Okay, fine. That's really how far I get because, you know, who knows, that could be literally a whole other podcast. We could do an entire episode on each of those episodes. I could do an entire podcast about the hot reporters that are covering the trial on the show. So, we should ask the cousin to be a guest on the show, like the cousin they're like, so ma'am, did you, did you tell the police on this date that your cousin was masturbating on the hood of your car? And then spray your windshield with his jizz and she's like, well, uh, I don't remember that part. It's been 20 years yet. Am I supposed to remember every guy? Look, I didn't say masturbated on the hood. It's just that I was driving. Then he was in front of my car and then he, you know, was pulling on his thing and it was prepared. Like, you know, I was coming and, you know, I pulled on it. Listen, you know, you know that if they, if we had like an Avery family member on the podcast, it would just be 40 minutes of us saying, yeah, I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. How could they do that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Every conversation, you'll notice, well, how many episodes are you into it right now, Ronnie? How many episodes are you into it yet? Well, this is the way they answer the phone, they go, hello, one person goes, hello, and then that's one goes, yeah, and the next one goes, yeah, it's like this weird, strange mating ritual. And our, you know, one of our, one of our lovely listeners, Mike, he is from that area. So we're going to make him talk like that for the rest of our lives. So actually, so the whole point of this is that we're going to talk about making a murder on our bonus episode. If you want to listen to our bonus episode, that is for our Patreon subscribers of all levels, I mean, starting at the most basic level. So if you go to patreon.com/watchworkrapins, you can sign up. You can make a really minimal commitment or you can make a maximal commitment. We won't stop you, girl. So go, that's super fun. It's a great way to help support our podcast. We, it really helps us. And in fact, we have to give another shout out to Michael Cook, one of our greatest boosters who, who put a profile of us up on Huffington Post this week. It was so great. It was so cool. It was really cool. We were profiled, Ronnie, in Huffington Post. And thank you so much, Michael. Yeah. You can, you can, if you want to find that, you can come to our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchworkrapins. And amongst all the other really cool stuff that's on there, and there really is a lot of cool stuff. But if you go there, there is, we do have a link up to that. And you can read about our podcast and you can, you'll see how Patreon has helped us, amongst many other things. And Ronnie, if you think about it, I think we're like four years old this week or the next week. I know we started in, we started in January of 2012, right? Oh my God. We have a birthday show. Oh my God. We have to figure out. Oh, Matty, Matty in. You know, it's funny if you listen to our very first show, the first one that made it on the air, because our very first one that we recorded, there was a corruption with the file. So it, it was ruined. And we had a really fun first show with the three of us. And then the second show, which became our first show, Matt wasn't available for us. So it's just me and Ronnie. But our theme music was that song by, what's it called? Like, of, like, you know, that band, that finished band of Meissen Men or Bissen Men or whatever. He was like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Those are two very different things of Meissen Men and of Bissen Men. Oh my gosh. Well, you know, one of them is one of them. I'd like to think it's of Meissen Men. That would be a cute band. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? It's by a monster's in men, little talks by a monster's in men, anyway, a little trivia, but yeah, we've been doing this for like four years now. It's pretty cool. If a brother doesn't get strangled, I'm not interested. We have to also thank our super sponsor, Marvin Jay, Marvin Boyce, always doing wonderful things for us. We appreciate you so much. And is there any, I mean, watch our crappins.com. That's where you find all our social media. So I mean, I think that's all the shilling that we have to do here at the top of it. The shills. The shills. The shills. Check. Shills. Clear the shills. Clear the shills. Bad news, mum. Bad news, mum. No more shilling to do. All right, close off the gift shop. Tipsy ills is close, soft mum. All right, mum. So when the shilling's done, you know what that means? Someone on our Facebook page asked, is there a sheep in there? Yes, there is a sheep. I would like to nominate Ben Mandelker for best lyrics of the year with his song "Mailbag" and the specific lyric. Amazing. So first up in the Crapins Mailbag, which if you want to have one of these questions, if you want your question asked, if you want to be in the Crapins Mailbag, you just go to Patreon. Oh, look at that. A little shill. A little leftover shill. The first one comes from Teresa Maravitch. Oh, Teresa. We like Teresa quite a bit. I'm not sure if I understand her question, but I think we can figure it out. She says, "Will you please improvise a rock, paper, scissors of some sort with Magali, Dobby and Shirei?" What? A rock, paper, scissors? Is it like, is it that we do rock, paper, scissors, but instead of rock, paper, and scissors, it's like Magali, Dobby and Shirei, or is it like, or is it that the three of them are playing? Well, should we do both? I guess we would have to do both just to make sure we get it covered. Why not? Okay, first let's be them playing rock, paper, scissors. Magali is like, I hear a rock, I hear a rock, I hear a rock, I hear a rock, and I see a silica, and a paper, I'm like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Did you just rock, paper, scissors me? Did you just rock, paper, scissors, I'm like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Did you just rock, paper, scissors, cut, scissors, cut, scissors, cut, scissors, cut. Okay, rock, paper, scissors, Dobby's like, "What, Dobby? Are you rock, paper, scissors?" Oh, Dobby, rock, paper, scissors, no, you're only one, Magali, choose one. Magali say, "No, no." So I go up there, I walk right up to, I walk right up to Dobby, and I say, "Listen, whoa, I say nothing." Rock, paper, whoa, whoa, rock, paper, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't take sides. Magali's Magali. Magali's Magali. Unfortunately, in a sound clip, we can't show her crossing her arms, as she says it, and then nodding like the genie, and I dream of genie. So good. Well, Magali has two, well, she has basically two movements, if she, you know how like video game characters, they have like two little animations. Her first thing is that she puts up her hands, like she's a mime and a glass wall, she puts them up, like whoa, and then she crosses her arm and does the genie shake. I walk right up to her, I walk right up to Leanne, and I say, "Whoa, no." My rock is going to go right up to the scissor, and it's going to say, "Whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no, whoa, boom, boom, boom, oh, you got a paper?" I say, "No, I got a paper." You know, I know apologize to Leanne, because her paper, she's wrapped right around. She wrap around my rock. I know apologize for nothing, I'm just a rock. She paper. Magali crumple paper, Magali stomp on rock, Magali breaks scissor into. Magali's Magali. Leanne may want me to get into her paper, but Magali's Magali, Magali breaks scissor. Okay, so now let's play rock paper scissors, that's Shiree Magali Dobby. So wait, so what, so what is the order of what? So Magali, I feel like Magali destroys Dobby, right? And then, so, okay, wait, who, I don't understand how it would work, because I feel like everyone just breaks Dobby. Okay, let's just play, let's just play and see. Okay, ready? So we'll say Magali Dobby Shiree Magali Dobby Shiree. Shiree. Okay, I chose Shiree. I chose a Shiree also. Okay, try to hear. Okay, so Shirees are equal, because they can both go to each other. Okay, Magali, Dobby Shiree, I chose Dobby again. Oh, Shiree. I think Dobby, I think actually Dobby destroys Shiree, because Dobby, and Shiree goes, "What you saying? What you saying? What you saying?" And then Shiree just loses her mind, because she can't understand what Dobby is saying. Also, Dobby wins, because Shiree has a mattress on the ground, and Dobby has multiple catches. She could sleep on. Yeah. And also, according to Dawn, Dobby is super fat, so she can just roll over her. Oh, I didn't mean to fat shame you, Dobby, I was just going with the joke. I'm just trying to find any reason why you need Shiree. Sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, let's play again. Okay. Magali. Magali. Dobby. Shiree. I chose Dobby. Dobby. Oh. I say Magali. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Choo, choo, choo, choo, choo. I swallow you up. I say... I just love perfection. I just love perfection. I just love perfection. No matter how many times you play that clip, I've always shocked that she's even worse than we make it out. That's what we're doing about the band this week, then. Yeah. I'm so mean to me. Okay, so you chose Magali and I chose Dobby. I think Dobby trumps Magali because Dobby doesn't have a reason for such a silly name. It's just a silly name. It's like Magali's from someplace else. Dobby's just like a tree elf name. No, well, her name is Darby, but Don pronounces it as Dobby. No, it's Dobby. It's D-O-B-B-Y, damn it. That's how it is. My head. That's how it is in real life. No, I write it as Dobby, but her name is Darby. The house elf from Harry Potter, and he's all sad because he's abused. It just makes me feel so bad for Dobby. I don't think that Magali beats anyone in Rochembeau because her, Magali's whole thing is that she talks a big game and then like she's like, well, I walk up with my rock and I go to the scissor and then the scissor get mad at me and I go to try to bang on the scissor and then I say, what are under the bridge? We're okay now. We're angry or she'll be like, I go, but I say, you know what? Now it's time for me to be quiet. I'm going to sit back and watch scissor and paper. I almost go up with my paper and cover the rock and then I say, whoa, no, no, no, instead of cover the rock, I wrap the rock because this adult, Magali is Magali. There's too many, too many things in life to be worried about. You know, I have things in my life, paper has things in his life, scissor has things in life. We can't, we can't do this. I was going to be a rock and crutch the scissor and two and then I said, whoa, no, Magali. No one need broken scissor. I was going to break scissor and two, but then I'm not going to break scissor and two just because paper wants me to do that. So you know, Magali is Magali. I break what I want to break and you know what I want to do? Nothing. Whoa. Whoa. Lian. Whoa. Whoa. I have, I made of, I'm a rock. I made of minerals. Scissor made of minerals. I'm hard. You know, I'm like, whoa, we could be friends. I'm from Amsterdam, this is from China. So well, you know, culture, whoa, you know, I kind of like scissor. I mean, scissor talks a lot, but you know, I like her. I cannot crush a scissor salad. That's my favorite, you know, whoa, whoa. So paper and I, we're going to lunch for three hours and we're going to talk about things and then drive around, whoa, whoa. Okay, what else is in the mailbag? Aubrey, she asks, would you rather have true love or $100,000, the $100,000 is tax-free, but if you took the money, you could never have true love. I would take the true love, I think. Yeah, true love. Me too. I mean, maybe a million tax-free. Listen, maybe $100,000 is not last you very much these days, $100,000 would be nice, but you can always, you know, theoretically gain that back. Besides, what if your true love is with someone who already has $100,000, done it. Yes, I can imagine finding true love with a poor person. So if I find true love, hopefully it will be with, you know, a stakeholder in Wells Fargo. Yeah. But yeah, that was a pretty easy one. That was an easy one, Aubrey. Try to stump us next time. I'm so romantic. Oh, I've already found true love, I've already found true love. Oh, me too. I just ate Ben and Jerry's peanut butter fudge core last night. It was the first time that I'd gotten a boner without trying in my case. It's like a boner of fudge inside your, inside your ice cream. My tongue is still hard. Oh, it's like a, it's like your ice cream has a peep shoot. Gross. Ew. You'll never eat it the same way. Yes, you will. All right. So let's move on to some telly bean. Yeah. Wait, closing theme. Closing theme. Grab it. Smell that. Grab it. Smell that. By the way, I set them. So you know what's funny? I sent my freaking stopwatch to like be like, okay, I got my stopwatch ready to be like, okay, I'm going to time this. I want to do the time codes. I'll know where everything is. I never even press start. Oh, okay. Okay. Well, um, well, it ended at 17 minutes. I can, I only can do that. So we'll. I just look at my Skype timer. Well, the skype timer is messed up because we've been snapping for a while before it either way. We'll figure it out. I will survive everyone. Mm. Please. So, uh, today we're going to talk about Beverly Hills, Shasha and, um, newlyweds the first year, perhaps not in that order, but we definitely have to obviously start with Beverly Hills, right? It's our top. Yes. And we've also got double episodes of both Beverly Hills and Shasha because last week we had the last week. We're talking about last week's episodes. Oh, I didn't know this aren't me. I didn't realize we're talking about last week's episode. I didn't take notes on them. I can talk. I can talk about 30 pages of them. Don't worry. Whoa. I didn't realize I thought they were just going to be lost in the ether. Oh, no, there were such good episodes on both shows. So much happened. Um, well, not a lot on Cheshire, but so much funny stuff happened, but Beverly Hills actually had a lot happen last week. We've got to discuss it. All right. Well, I guess you better. You better. You better leave the charge because I don't have notes for last week. Okay. So you want to do Bev Hills first? Yeah, we better get started because we have a lot of stuff to talk about then. Okay. We have a lot of stuff to talk about yet as they would see on. Okay. Well, we could do just the base six, but then no, it'll take me forever to read through all these notes. So let me see here. Okay. So we open in Kyle's store and Lisa Rinna. Wait, is this last week or two weeks ago? Yeah. Yeah. So we opened in Kyle's store last week. Lisa Rinna is going in to get free shit that Mauricio promised her for her birthday or something. But anyway, they're going to Kyle's pop up shop in the Hampton. So their big group trip is announced or one of them. I don't know where the big group trip is this year. Do you? I don't know. This is just a sub trip. Yeah. This is just like a little Hampton strip. So Kyle says she opens a pop up shop. Isn't a pop up shop like a temporary thing? Yeah. Okay. I thought so because she's making it sound like she just opened a hot dog going to stick in the mall. Like something permanent, you know? Right. Okay. So they're going to go there. Lisa Vanderpump blah, blah, blah. Okay. So the swan drama from last week, how many swans are there in that pond? They're, they're enough. They're enough. There's a store now, right? Weren't there just two and then the hanky? Those hanky, panky, because hanky is part of hanky, panky. It's hanky. Also. Panky has always been there. Yeah. They came. They're like a, they're like a set. Panky. Panky is like the quiet, well, panky doesn't need to drive, pank. If we're going to, if we're going to describe them, hanky is like Paris and panky is like Nicky, you know, Paris is in front of the, the, the flash, not the flashlights, but she's probably in front of flashlights too. She's in front of the, the, the cameras and, you know, Nicky is a little bit more subdued. Panky is the, the, is the more, you know, she's not the drama queen. Hanky's like throwing a fit and getting a fake disease because he's a drama queen. And then Nicky Hilton swan is just like quietly finding a richer man and like having the best merger of all time. You know what? Panky wins in the end. Yeah. I'm calling it. Yeah. Exactly. Um, so there's some swan stuff this, um, swan is faking an illness for attention, which is so amazing because Yolanda Swan, it's Yolanda, yeah, it's two people on the same show sharing the same storyline, but Lisa's, um, the fact that Lisa can read so deeply into herself without even knowing it. Like she says, Hanky is the most important to me because, you know, swans need you. They depend on me to live. And he couldn't live on his own and he can't just walk down the street and live. He needs me. He needs his money. And, um, Yolanda would have a much easier season if she was like Lisa, would you please come to my bedside? I need you. And Lisa would have been like, broken, you're a whore. I'll take care of her forever. Be nice to Yolanda. Just that Yolanda in the pond. Yolanda better keep her options open at this point. Mm hmm. I must at least say darling, you might need to float around in that pond for a while. I was going to save up money for rent, but I thought I was going to die. So I thought I wouldn't need it. Um, so the Hanky drama blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So I guess the big thing that happened in this episode was the girls all met. They're like a Jane. Acca Jane. Acca Jane. For the first time. So I'm a whore. So what? I know all these ladies are looking at me thinking I've just sucked a dick. And guess what? I did. So the fuck what? Okay. Whoa. Going a little far with your hoe pride there. All right. You don't need to wear dresses with like gaping hole patterns. Huh. It's a beautiful point. So she's meeting them. She looks kind of terrified to meet the ladies, which I don't really blame her. But I guess before we get to the huge party, she meets Kyle in the park and Yolanda gets out of Erica's little car and she's like, Oh, getting out of the cars hard. It hurts. It really hurts. Come on. She's like, I've made such improvements. I can go to a bench now. This is the first time I've been in the passenger seat in the car and over five. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Andrea Bocelli, Oh, no, it's just me on a bench. So Erica meets Kyle. Kyle tells us that it's totally tacky that Lisa Renah said much housings and I don't want to say much housings right now just because Lisa Renah said it. So I'm not going to tell Yolanda that Lisa Renah said she had a challenge with Kyle. Yeah. Kyle's the least subtle setter upper of all time. Yeah. Yeah. So instead she tries to get at it in her own stupid way and say, maybe your illness is like when my mom died, like I got fat and then I got really depressed and then I started to refuse to cut my hair and it turns out to us, I was just depressed. Yolanda's like, it's not just depression. Okay. Yeah. Yolanda did not want to hear that. No, Yolanda, Yolanda don't play that. Mm hmm. It's like it is not just depression. It is everything. When your mother died, could you not walk for over 11 years? It's like did you have to clean out your carburetor when your mother died, it is not the same thing. Oh my God. You don't need to do breaks because you have Lyme disease, Yolanda. So anyway, Kyle depression, blah, blah, blah, then it turns to Erica who has a young son who's a cop, which, yeah, and I don't really care about any of that. What does she start here? So does Kyle drop hints about the Lisa Rinna thing here? No. I don't remember. You know what? Let's just stop this because this is going to be crazy for me to like just sit here and speak. I know. I'm like, this is like 12 days ago. It is all I remember from the episode. I mean, if you want to talk about the highlights, I can talk about the highlights, but like going through beat by beat, I'm like, mm hmm, mm hmm, yeah, I'm not happy to. I'm like, I remember, I remember they went to a bench, but I'm like, I'm just like sitting here, like story time. I'm like, okay. Yeah. No one needs to like, um, but what is here that here are the things that were important from that episode. One was that we got a lot of Hanky and that Hanky like a chat, I think did Hanky shit on Lisa or no, I'm sorry, Hanky bit Lisa made her bleed, which was a big no, no, I mean, not even brandy to that. More of Valentine because you know, Lisa loves that shit. She's like, I think he bit me. He didn't mean it again. And then she's like, he lost me, like golem, be more romantic, Hanky. Hanky. I did enjoy them, like, what they do to get Hanky, they sneak up behind Hanky and grab him by the neck. It's actually pretty violent. He's like, that's what they should be doing to brandy a long time ago, grab her by the neck and throw her in a crate. That's what I said. And I even got a gift of them strangling Hanky and it says, you better behave yourself, young lady. No wonder why Hanky is acting out, that's the way he gets treated at home. No, actually, I'm actually surprised they are able to be, like, so hands on with Hanky because swans are famously evil. They attack people, I mentioned it before, they drowned a guy like three years ago in a pond. Look, if you can be drowned by a swan in a pond, then you deserve to be drowned by a swan. That's true. And that's like ultimate weakness right there. So the other thing was that Yolanda, was this the episode where Yolanda brought Gigi and the other one and the other one and was like, just so you know, I'm going to go to Cleveland next week where I may die. So here's the wheel and they're like, mom, why are you talking like this? She's like, no, I'm not talking like this. I'm just saying I might die. That's all. Oh, mother, I only want to see my children grow. Like what? You're not dying. You have leaky implants. She's like, no, I don't want to make you people. You lovely children. I don't want to make you crazy. But take half my mother. If I die, it's like, Yolanda, you're going to make your kids crazy. Please don't call the other ones by their name. I don't want them getting big eagles when I die. Yeah. I don't want to cry wolf, but I'm going to die next week. I want to live for Gigi. And I did love how like the will, it was like two Gigi and then like in small font to the side and Bella and then why. CC, CC the other ones. You'll get what Gigi says. Yeah. What is in that will anyway? What's left? She's giving away like old crackers from Muhammad's pantry. I mean, what the fuck are you giving away? She's like, my slippers, go to Gigi. My white jeans, go to Gigi. And I want to give Bella my old implants for you to hold to remind you of Mummy's boobies. Don't make the same mistake Mummy made. Do not sleep on your stomach. No, I don't give them to Gigi because Gigi doesn't make mistakes, but Bella, you know, she has problems. For this, I leave duct tape to Bella. Please, keep your mouth shut or you will never find husband. Love your dead mother. To Anwar, I give you this special bag of little miniature toothpaste and toothbrush and dental floss that I get from dentists. There's a tooth on the bag that's smiling and I want you to think of that tooth when I die. I would like to leave Blanca to Blanca, Blanca, you are free. Mary, the man who says, "Little mama made towels on my property." I like to the other other one. I would like to leave this audio jack from a 1995 disc man. It will be wonderful for you. I bought it at Radio Shack before I met Muhammad. Oh, and speaking of them, another thing that was announced this episode when Yolanda's talking to Kyle because Kyle's like, "Are you sure it's not just, you're not depressing my mom died?" She's like, "No." And you still haven't lost a dead weight. Kyle starts kind of questioning her and Kyle's not so subtle way and Yolanda's like, "Oh, yes, this disease is pervasive. It has taken my children. My whole life, all I want to work for is to save my children." And Kyle's like, "What? What do you mean?" She's like, "Oh, yes, Bella was diagnosed with the Lyme when she could not make cause calculation anymore and then she had to drop out of high school." I'm like, really? Yeah. Maybe she had to drop out of high school because she was always drunk and ditching and like, he was boarding shit off the bathroom floor. Now we're blaming everything online. It's like bad, you know? Yeah. The only reason why she had DUI is because the Lyme, it impaired her judgment. She thought the alcohol was actually medicine, popular. I'm dedicating the rest of my short life to passing laws where you should not get D.W. else. Stupid. But hilarious because really now she, Bella and Anbar have Lyme's answer. I know. She's like, "Oh, you know, we got it." Kyle goes, "What is it? Running the family? I mean, Jesus Christ, was there a Lyme in your Brita? Like, how is everybody in your family getting Lyme?" And Yolanda goes, "Oh, we lived on horse ranch, so there were horses everywhere. The babies were raised by horses." And she says, "Bella got it three years ago. How does that make any sense? You weren't living on a damn horse farm three years ago." I just don't understand why if you have been ailing from this disease, why weren't you more diligent about checking for ticks with your kids for crying out loud? I mean, just look for the bullseye rash. Although, asterisk, I understand that the bullseye rash doesn't always show up. But seriously, seriously, seriously, and how often do you think she looked over the other ones? Never. She's like, "Oh my God, check for ticks." They could be missing their legs and she'd be like, "You're not walking as fast as Gigi. Same on you. Yeah. So what's your mouth closed? Other one?" Well, you know that Yolanda was on Gigi, like those little monkeys grooming each other. You know, one monkey sits behind the other and like plucks out things. That's like Yolanda checking for ticks, whereas Bella and Anwar are like pig-panning. They're like in a dust cloud and young just like, "Goodbye children." I'm so tired. My Lyme disease makes me so that I can only check Gigi for ticks. That's it. Well, Yolanda is officially effing nuts at this point. Now she's just making shit up for her kids, just so she has someone to keep her company on her tour of Marriott Ballrooms where she talks about living with 500 offshoots of Lyme. Get out of here, lady. So the other thing, the only other thing, the other major thing that I can think of that happened on that episode is that all the women got together at the Sophie Channel to have just tea or something where they could all meet Erica Jane and that's, among the things that happened, Lisa sort of vetted out Erica Jane and sort of was like asking her what's like to have sex with someone who's 500 years old and you know, Erica sort of like, let her roll. She was like, she hung with Lisa's things and you could see that Lisa was testing her and she passed Lisa's test, which is cool. And she knew Lisa was going to test her. It's like this girl has dealt with Madam's her whole life and that's basically what Lisa is. It's like, "Welcome to Bella house, darling. And your room." and she was totally giving this girl like a litmus hotel, like a hotmus test or something. And Erica, yeah, Erica, like she answered the way she should have. Yes. She was sitting up very straight. And Lisa liked it. Lisa's... You know. Yeah. She likes someone who can like take it, you know. So then the other thing though is that your Londas are talking about Taylor, remember a few weeks ago when Taylor was talking to Lisa Rinna about like Yolanda's sickness. And Yolanda's like, "I don't know if she has to talk about that to Lisa Rinna or whatever." And Eileen got confused and thought that, well, I should say got confused, quote unquote, confused. And she thought that Yolanda was talking about Lisa Rinna talking about the Munchausen. So then after like a whole episode of all the women agreeing, like, yeah, we should not tell Yolanda. She doesn't need to know. Okay. So here's the plan. Don't tell Yolanda that Lisa was talking about her having Munchausen. Okay. Don't tell. So the first thing that Eileen does is like, well, you know, I think that when, you know, Lisa was maybe saying something about you having Munchausen's, I think she just caught up in a conversation with Yolanda's like, "What? I was talking about Taylor." And he's like, "Sorry." It means like, you know that everybody's talking about this, right? She's like, "Uh, no, not really. Well, what is everybody saying?" And she's like, "Well, you know, like it's a conversation." I don't want to talk about it. This, I do not know. I would not discuss it. And she leaves awkwardly. Yeah. Like, bitch, you brought this up. You were the one who said, "What did Taylor say on Instagram about her? What did she say about my Instagram or whatever?" It's not like that's the Kyle disease where Kyle brings something up and then goes, "I don't want to talk about it. How could you even do that to me? Do you want me to air out your dirty laundry?" You were the one who brought it up, idiot. Either way, I thought it was funny. It reminded me when I leaned at that. It reminded me of, remember that scene in "Dumb and Dumber?" When Jim Carrey is practicing what he's going to say to Lauren Holly, he's like, "I want to make love to you." "No, no, no, no. You make me feel like a little boy." And then she comes out and he goes, "I want to make love to a little boy." And she's like, "What?" That's what I leaned at. Pretty much. Eileen's just working all the damn time, like her scene where I'm like, "I'm tired from work." She's like, "Am I not supposed to tell -- I'm not supposed to tell Yolanda about Munchausen or I am supposed to tell her about Munchausen and not supposed to tell the evil count on days." I don't remember. She just can't keep her scenes right. But Erica, what was I going to say about that? Erica and Lisa test. Erica came -- Erica's not sure if she's supposed to fight with Lisa because she's friends with Yolanda, so of course she's supposed to fight with Lisa, and then she's Kyle's doing her best to befriend her newest little purse gun because Kyle always tries to use the dumb-ho against Lisa Vanderpump, so she's already trying that. Kyle's learned her lessons. She knows she's got to just stick with Lisa no matter what. She tried to buck against Lisa, and she's suffered for like three seasons. She's learned her lessons. She is not leaving. She's totally trying to buck her. She's already doing it, Yol. Oh, but because of the hotel controversy? Well, no, I mean, yeah, I mean, that's a little tiny part, but I don't think so. I think in this she's so excited. She even says something like, "Well, I love Erica because she's so outspoken. I'm not sure how much Lisa Vanderpump's going to like her." I'm like, "You know what? You wish. Lisa Vanderpump loves an honest hoe. You little -- you know, I don't see Kyle -- she may not like it, but she's staying on team Vanderpump. She learned her lessons. One thing you can't take away from Kyle is that she's pretty aware of her image, you know? Like season one, she was a straight up bitch, and then all of a sudden after that, she's always been like, "Oh, I don't know. I don't know." You know? So she knows -- she's like -- she's got her ears to the ground, and she may miss steps, but at this point she's course corrected herself -- well, not course corrected, but she knows what side to play on. She learned the hard way about what -- Well, she's going to pretend she's playing on that side while she's trying to use this hoe as a weapon. You watch. That's my prediction. Who knows? It sounds good. Sometimes they're right, often they're wrong, but that's what I'm seeing. And then the thing where they moved to the hotel, I think the only issue with that was you had all this time that you were making alternate arrangements. You couldn't -- I mean, what was Lisa on a helicopter for 30 minutes? I mean, I don't know. Well, we'll get to the hotel thing in a moment, so we will start -- so this week's episode, speaking of Kyle, begins with Kyle, and it's just probably our 35th Kyle Richards packing montage. Oh, my God. If I ever have to see this woman pack again, I'm just going to fling myself off the balcony. How many times do I have to watch Kyle -- why -- she should just have a suitcase that's already packed. I mean, we see Lisa Vanderpump pack also a lot, but usually her packing is her sort of standing around and then talking with Ken -- they're gossiping with Ken, but with Kyle it's always like, one of her daughters is watching, and Kyle's like, "Oh, my God, I don't know what to bring. I'll show you this or this." And in this case her closet fell apart, like, "Oh, I don't need to watch Kyle pack every single time she goes somewhere." It's like they're attacking us with terrible patterns. Just leave my eyes alone, Kyle. Oh, darling, just have a pre-packed bag at all times. That's what you guys get a checklist. Should I bring this transparent lace dress or this transparent lace dress? No. They both look like doilies, like paper doilies from a catering event, okay? You look like a weird old lady getting baptized. It's not the right outfit. Even Porsche was bored with it. You know, Porsche was like, "Can I please just go down to the kitchen and sit on the counter? I do not want to watch this anymore." So Kyle was packing because she's going to the Hamptons to check in on her pop-up, which by the way, not to jump forward, at no point during this episode that she ever visited her pop-up. She just got there. It's like, "Oh, yeah, I have a business, but I'm just going to go to the hotel instead." You know it's poor Aileen over there. Yeah. Aileen. Working 12 hours a day. The original Aileen. Rolling that hot dog card around with some bad patterns on it. Yeah. Aileen won, not to be confused with Aileen too. So then, meanwhile, over in Philadelphia, Lisa Rinna's walking around. Poor Lisa Rinna, I mean, this is like, you know, I just always feel bad when people get shoved off. She's twice now. She goes shoved off to like rural Ohio, and then she's going to rural Pennsylvania. I think that's what it is when you actually have a job, all right? Rinna, the rest of them are like, "Look at my glorious five-star hotel room." Poor Rinna's checking in at the Sheraton. They're like, "We've given you our biggest suite. It still smells like Benson and Hedges from like the '70s, but, you know, we did what we could." And she says, "Whenever I travel, I have to wipe everything coming out the hallwives." I'm so anal. I'm like, that's not easy. That's called being smart. You're staying in a Sheraton, darling. Yeah. I mean, that room hasn't been remodeled since Three's Company was on the air, wiping down. It's beyond. I thought it was, they don't even take her bags. Like they don't even have a bellhop for her. She just has to take her local bags up to like the presidential suite at the Sheraton of like, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. [LAUGHTER] Poor Lisa Rinna. You're a bigger star than that. The QVC scenes were so funny because they all talk like Lisa Rinna. They're all salespeople on TV. And so they walk around, they're like, "Hey, honey, I love you." "Oh, how are you, honey? I love you so much." "Great. I'm great. I just got finished designing dresses for the Hilton murder." [LAUGHTER] Really, those were everywhere. I love you. I love those. What an amazing dress. I love the Hilton's. I love the Rothschilds. Oh, IRAs. Do you have an IRAs? I love IRAs. Oh, yeah. I knew the guy who started IRAs. IRAs. [LAUGHTER] I love you. Love you. Yeah. I actually had the same exact note. I was like, they talk exactly the same. I was like, this, the wedding was beyond. Was it beyond? It was beyond. Oh, my God. Step it to my office. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. [LAUGHTER] So good. And then she talked to Isaac Mizrahi. He's the same. He's like, "Hey, Tom. I'll love you." [LAUGHTER] "Love you, Isaac. How surely did they?" Because they call all the customers of QVC. Yeah. She's buying. She or Shirley? What does he call them? Shirley? She calls them Shirley. But Isaac Mizrahi calls them. She like, "Oh, she's buying today." So good. Yeah. Meanwhile, then over back in Beverly Hills, Erica Jane, we see like a little slice of life for Erica Jane. She's basically walking around her back, and I'll be like, "All right. We need to chop down this tree, because it's moldy on the inside. I hate that flower bed. There's no water in a hot tub." Yeah, that's great. And she's like-- As Don Rickles approved the new two pool tiles that I ordered, I'm waiting for that expense to be approved. Send him a memo. She's being followed around by some little cam girl who's like, "Yeah, I'm riding a good town. Totally riding a good town." And you know, I feel bad, because I like Erica, but when she's talking about her house, she's like, "Yeah, I have this great interior designer. This place, we've just brought it more glamorous." I'm like, "No, it's not glamorous at all. It's like Ashley Furniture. It is pure Ashley Furniture, brown and knobby or ornate, absolutely furniture. To me, it looks like she's married to Don Rickles, but she's really trying to attract Robert Goulay, because it's that two ornate, you know that it's painted foam. Some of those gold columns, you're like, "I know that's a foam set piece. It's spray painted gold." It just doesn't look right. No one needs that house. Yeah, it's a little too ricoco-y. It's just too much. Too many curlies and curlies and little ornaments and leaves and not too much, too much. Yeah. So then, Erica goes upstairs, because she's about to go to Chicago Gay Pride to perform, and her gay is there, and they're like packing, so it's like more, you know, typical craziness. She's like, "We need more trunks, at least two more trunks. Get the trunks up here." Mm-hmm. He's like, "I love packing my trunks." I'm like, "This is really fascinating to you." He's like, "Would you like this costume or this costume that looks exactly the same as that costume or this costume that looks like that?" Which one of these red sparkle guns should we take? Oh, my God. I love them all. And of course, he's like a total fawning gay. He's like, "You have the best boobs ever. I hope you don't have to take them out, because you're so perfect." Oh, my God. You're perfect. Everything about you is perfect. I wish I had your badge. But I'm so glad I don't have it. You're a great Erica. This scene was so tasteless. He would started the boobs thing after she said, "Yeah, so I met these girls, and they're like questioning Yolanta's lemon disease." And he's like, "Oh, my God." She's like, "Yeah." I'm like, "She has to get her boobs taken out." And he's like, "Speaking of boobs, your boobs are amazing." She's like, "Yeah, right?" "Yeah, they're not leaking, because I got the best one." She cries. It goes from this sensitive conversation about a boob leak/lime leak, and then it leads to how great your boobs are and what crotchless underwear you're going to wear for some misspelled song. Exactly. And this is like classic gay humor. This is classic almost like drag humor when she's like, "I was thinking about wearing this skirt." And he's like, "Oh, you got a nice breeze for your badge." And she's like, "I'm like, what's funny about that?" You just mentioned vagina. You just had vag and now you're like, "It's like my ongoing issue with gay humor is that like, sometimes people just say outrageous things or vulgar things, but they're not really funny. They're just things that are said." I like it. Leave it to be ever. Well, that's funnier. I'm working on it. I'm working on it on his behalf. Okay. I'm working on his behalf. I'm going to perfect it, and then I'll teach it to him. And we're going to improve the gay experience, you guys. Yeah. Can you hear me, Ronnie, by the way? Yeah. Because it's weird. My laptop is actually frozen, but we're still speaking. No. You better start recording just in case. I think it's right then. Everything is working. It's just that my mouse is not moving. A row. Is that scary? Yeah. It's scary. But I'm expecting it up. He's backing up. Oh, I got a lot. So the next thing is Yolanda's wearing makeup. Wait. What scene is this? Lime glow. I'm writing. Okay. Yeah. So this. So I guess I'm on the wrong scene because we already talked about all that. So now it's Lisa and Ken are packing, right? Again? Oh my God. Lisa's like, "Look at this hat. Kyle gave it to me." Oh, that reminds me Kim Richards was arrested in a talk at today, darling. She is such a terrible actress. That's how you know when Lisa Vanderpump is being real, you know, because she cannot act. She's hilarious. Oh, look at this straw hat. That reminds me, really? That cheap dollar store aisle straw hat from Kyle reminds you of Kim robbing the dollar aisle. Well, actually that makes sense. All right. Well done. You're a better actress than I gave you credit for. Yeah. So this was a day that Kim gets arrested in the target of trying to walk out with $600 worth of toys, they said. But on the TMZ, I'm pretty sure it said the dollar aisle stuff because I'll never forget that shit. Hilarious. So she, of course, Lisa loves to talk about Twitch's terrible behavior with Kyle because she knows it makes Kyle crazy. So immediately she's like, "Let's call Kyle on camera on the speaker phone. Listen to a cry, darling. Better than the new hotel song." So she calls and Kyle's like, "Oh, darling." And then she just stands there, patting into the phone. She's like, "Hmm, yeah, hmm." I don't want to talk about it. I just don't want to talk about it. "Oh, I understand, darling. You don't want to talk about it." But she must have been smoking the marijuana or something, darling, because who tries to steal toys from Target like that, darling? Why didn't they just go up to her and say, "Darling, are you drunk? You know, what happened to that? What are police doing these days, darling?" And I was like, "I don't want to talk about it." Well, I don't want to talk about it in a target. I mean, aren't you embarrassed that your sister was in a Target, darling? I've never even seen the inside of a Target, darling. I imagine... I don't even know what a Target is. How could one be inside of a Target? I thought it was a thing that you thought, "Bone hours, I don't get it." It was killing me, because I was like, "No, I don't want to talk about it." "Oh, darling, I don't either. Has Kim ever thrown up in your car? Tell me the truth, darling." I think she's addicted to the drugs. Do you think it was the medication? What? It's not... Medication is not the issue, okay. My favorite part about it was Lisa's... Her fake sympathy, which she's like, "I just feel so depressed just thinking about it." And it's like, "Anyway, off the Hamptons." Oh, Kim's arrest has depressed Kyle, and Kyle's depression has depressed me. Has ruining my trip before it's begun with Kim's depression. So she ends up going to the old hampies, because she's going to be on the cover of the other one, Magazine. The other one. The other one. The other one. The other one. I don't want magazine. Oh, the other one. You know she's just doing that to piss off Yolanda. I know. She would go on Bella Magazine. Yolanda's like, "Gee-gee." Now, I know that the Lyme disease has gotten into my brain, because there's a magazine named for the other one, and that would not happen. My brain is making up things. I cannot comprehend a magazine based on Bella. Don't you mean, "Gee-gee" magazine? Yes. "Gee-gee"? No, no, it's Bella Magazine. No, no, it doesn't make sense. There's a "Gee-gee" magazine. Mm. There's no Bella. They even changed the Italian word to mean "pretty" to "Gee-gee" instead of Bella. "Gee-gee" has revolutionized the Italian language. So, then we go over to Eileen's house, and she's working. Oh, God. This is so depressing Eileen's house. I know, and Dickey's like, "Why'd you pay $400 for this dress?" I like that Eileen's like, she says in the interview, she's like, "You know, I don't question. You know, if he keeps questioning me about my addresses, I'm going to have to start mentioning his football bets." I was like, "Ooh, dang." And then it cuts to her being like, "Well, what about your football bets?" I was like, "Oh, she wasted no time then." Her mind was made up. She's like, "That's it. I am questioning him about this football bank." Yeah. Yeah. "Take no time to do that." It's like, "How could you spend all that money? Do you know how many children on the Indian reservation that could have fed if I donated that money to the casino?" She's like, "Jesus Christ, Vince. It's a dress." Yeah. I like what she goes, "Shut up. It's pretty." I just like it. I like that stuff like that. But yeah. She's like, "He's got to go. He's got to like take a seat, okay? She is out there working every single day. She's memorizing lines and lines and lines of dialogue, okay? And she's commuting from Malibu to CBS Television City, which is a far drive. So Vince, you just come down and just get back to your online poker room. No kidding. Until I see scenes of Vince working someplace, doing something ever at all. Shut up. Yeah. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. It's pretty. So then over elsewhere in Malibu, Yolanda is like waking up, "Good morning, Blanca." And she's pouring herself, making some dessert. She's not dessert breakfast. And she starts to put the milk in the cupboard instead of the refrigerator. She's like, "See? It's Lyme disease. Lyme disease make me do it." I'm like, "Please. It's just morning. I do too." A serious side effect of Lyme disease is constantly curdled to milk. You know you're someone's home who's really suffering when they keep putting milk in weird places. Classic Lyme. Classic Lyme. Oh, there you go. Hug me, Blanca. Hug me. Put it on the poster board. And Blanca's like, "My name is Esmeralda." Hey. B, you changed my uniform to Scrubs. I'm not a nurse. And C, everything's going to be fine. Yeah. Blanca's like, "Now I know you're really crazy because you're letting me touch you." This one is serious. Blanca used to be normal and then she hugged me. And now she is putting milk in the pantry. Oh! Blanca, I don't know what I would do without you. You know what? You're now the other one. The other one is now the other one. And Anwa is now Blanca. New Blanca. Now that we have hugged, I need you to be Anwa. Poor Blanca, man. That is like the hardest working woman in show business, putting up with that shit. Yeah. She has to like hear him, like, I mean, sorry, hear her, like, she basically has to be sounding board, just has to agree with everything that Yolanda says. She's going to get her implants out. So she tells us about her implants and classy cough, nice classy white trash cough in your face. She tells us about her implants and she says she got an MRI and she had cysts on her breast and then realized that her implants were leaking. So if she's saying she has cysts and she had implants or she had implant leaks that they thought were cysts because those are just like little blobs from a lava lamp, really. I think that's what it was. I think that they discovered there was silicon everywhere, which is not good. I mean, of all the things that Yolanda has been suffering from, this sounds like the most concrete, like, okay, yeah, she's got leaky implants. She should take care of that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Of course. Could you match? I'm like, she's faking it. She's faking leaking implants. I was just curious if we were talking about cis and that because I don't know, I'm just trying to, like, basically keep my own poster board if Yolanda's diseases because I don't like getting lost. I know for that, you'll have to consult Daisy, the health advocate. Oh, good. Yeah. She's got a low charge. Yeah. Yeah. When I save up the $200 to pay for an hour of that old slag's time, I'll get right on it. Yeah. Seriously. So then Erica and Joe have lunch at the Palm in Beverly Hills and they just sort of like are there hanging out and the chief of police comes by and they all hug. They just was really an awkward scene because Don Rickles looks totally bored. He's like, what's up, hun? What is it? What's so important? She's like, well, I wanted to see you. And so I made an appointment five weeks ago to have lunch with you at the middle of this gigantic cavernous restaurant. He's like, oh, great. All right. Well, it's like going to have to use your salad. Do you want me to pat the bus? Pat the bus. Pat the bus. She's like, yeah, I'm going to take the private plane, but maybe I could take the smaller plane and you take the bigger plane and then I'll have the smaller plane. Like, OK, great. You've mentioned your planes twice now, Erica. We get it. OK. You fuck really good. Congratulations. You've earned two planes. Great. I consider this a long distance pat on your post. Now move the fuck on, lady, and the husband's like, God, do we have to talk about the next Marriott concert? I'm paying for her and then the fucking chief of police comes up. Get out of here. Chief of police. He's like, hey, just happened to see us sitting here, buddy. I'm miked and lit and ready to shoot. Fuck out of here. You're a cop. Have some respect. Yeah. I mean, and it's like a giant dark restaurant with no windows. How does he just like wander in and be like, oh, they're the joraries. Oh, yeah, I didn't understand that either. I also don't understand why he needs to take a like, why they need to take a small plane from LA to Delmar. I mean, just get-- I mean, you might as well just like hop in a car. I mean, but so you're going to save 45 minutes, OK, by flying, but it just seems excessive to me. See, but that's the whole point. She's wearing a small village on her ring. I mean, her ring is so gigantic. She's showing she tries to show it off to everybody. She's-- I don't like when-- look, I don't like when people brag about their money, period. But if they're going to do it, do it in a fabulous way. You know, Lisa will build a barn, you know, a two bathroom barn for courses, OK? That's how to do it. Don't be like flaunting money that you got from boning some guy 30 years older than you, lady. Like, I get ho pride, but it's trying too hard. And you didn't earn that money. So stop it. Stop acting like there's even such a thing as disco music. Stop it. [INTERPOSING VOICES] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [INTERPOSING VOICES] You don't want to say that 20 times this episode. Oddly enough, I actually found Erica and whatever her name is. I actually thought they were kind of cute, believe it or not. Even though this is clearly, I mean, there is definitely an age difference there that I find very strange, but oddly enough, I thought they were cute. Maybe it was just the mood I was in when I was watching it. But I wasn't as anti them as I thought I'd be. To me, he just looked really bored. And she's like, sometimes, if I try really hard and just really cute, he'll come to lunch with Erica Gerardi. I think that basically, since I've been watching "Making A Murderer," I have now like a soft spot for older attorneys who fight the good fight. I'm like, oh, he's great. Good for you, girl. You guys are wonderful together. Well, he did just pose with the chief of police, and you know what happened with that mother at first? No, I was very conflicted, actually, that I was like, is he more like Ken Krantz? Oh, you haven't gotten to Ken Krantz yet, have you? No, but he's the DA. Oh, no, no, no. He's the DA who has the voice. He has like an Aaron Neville voice. He's like, no, today and this, would you agree that you were not in the garage at the time while I'm at her? Anyway, you'll see, you'll see. He's like the touch, the feel of cotton in DNA. I don't know much, but I know you'll kill Theresa. Let me be the DA that prosecutes you. Anyway, off topic, off topic. Well, I can open up my window again, at least. There was a helicopter flying around overhead that you probably heard before, and I know I can... It was literally overhead. I had a breeze in here and cool down on all this Erika, Erika, and husband talk because I forgot his name, Tom, Joe, John. I just call him Don Rickles, I don't even know. He is Don Rickles, I mean, he really is. Don Rickles is like a touch of Patrick Stewart. Yeah, he looks just like him to me, so I'm sticking with that. So we get to see Yolanda go to the doctor on the way, on the drive to the doctor. David, my love, is just feeling Yolie's tits, and he's like, "Goodbye, things I married. Goodbye." Yeah, I know. She even makes a joke. She's like, "I'm going to be toothless and boobless now." And he's like, "Yeah, is this the same girl that I married?" She's like, "Oh, David, you're so funny." He's like, "No, seriously. Is this the same girl?" He's like, "Please be able to sign divorce papers when you come out. Just let them get rid of the lymphritis, because I really need you to sign those papers." He's like, "Oh, David, I'm going to get all my hair shaved off in one of my legs amputated or isn't that romantic?" He's like, "Oh, my God, please, please make her stop." You know, I can see why, among other reasons why this was going to fail, because during this entire thing where she went to surgery and beforehand, Yolanda changed, she unleashed this part of her personality that was like, "Little girl," she's like, "I don't want to tick off my wedding ring. I always keep it on. It's not coming off." And then everything, she's like, "Oh, I think I woke up Gigi." "Oh, I woke up Gigi." I'm like, "Why are you talking in this baby voice, Yolanda? No wonder why he left your ass, you're annoying." It's energy. It's weird. Weird. Baby talking energy. It's so creepy and sad. It's so big. I know. I woke up to Gigi. Gigi, I just wanted to see you before I died, but I didn't want to mess up your rest on Gigi. Do you think she's asleep now? Should I call her? I don't know. But then I did love that one. And she's like, "I won't tick off the wedding ring. No, it's not coming off. It doesn't come off." I'm like, "Bitch, it's coming off. Maybe not now. But give it a few months." Here, let David have a lawyer do that for you. David goes into the waiting room and he just immediately goes to sleep. And I thought that was so funny. It's like, "Whoa, that guy is just so nervous for Yolanda. He can't keep his eyes open. God bless his heart." And then Dr. Fenn comes and I'm like, "Why is there a little chef that is in here? Why is there a chef from the Bellagio the Faye here?" She looks like a Super Mario Brothers guy. She looks like Toad. I was going to say she looks like she's playing one of the mushrooms in a school play of Mario Brothers. But she's like, "Oh, no!" She arrives on a little cart and she drives over a banana peel and spins out. And she's like, "Oh, no! Here we go!" Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. That's how the surgery begins. Oh my God, that is so funny. She did look so silly. And the whole setup looks silly. It looks like some living room, like, with paneling. It's a weird thing and Yolanda earlier was telling the girls, she's like, "I have to go to Cleveland for the surgery because this Dr. Fengshui is amazing with rearranging implants." You know, she needs to bring the money through to East. I was like, "What the-why do you need to go to Cleveland?" There are no specialists of her caliber in Beverly Hills, but you were talking about the tit capital of the world. Yeah. Are you really complaining about the tit service of Beverly Hills? Well, to be fair, F out of here. To be fair, a lot of tits are going in in Beverly Hills and not a lot of them are coming out. Like, Cleveland is-I feel like Cleveland is where you go when you want to disappear from Beverly Hills and go back to being a normal person, like everything gone. It's just protection. All right, ma'am, we're going to have to take out your boob implants and the ones they'll recognize you. Cleveland is where you go when your husband puts your ass on an allowance and you've got to get boobs put in at a discounted price. Yeah. And you know you're not going to get that in Beverly Hills. Yeah. Yeah. And Beverly Hills, they do come out, though, because everybody keeps getting them resized. Yeah, sure. Well, I was a peacock, but then, you know, like, once my body really grew into it, it was time to move up. Like they're achieving something, you know? Yeah. So I hit my tipskin, finally stretched around these implants. Oh, I'm strong enough to move up. You did it. Congratulations. It's like going from, like, brown belt to black belt. It's like I did hit. I think I'm going to have a graduation-graduation party for my tits. So then, so Yolanda's sitting there before surgery with Super Mario Doctor, and I love so she calls Gigi in Australia. And what I loved about this is she's like, "Oh, I hope I don't wake up Gigi." And then she calls and Gigi's like, "Hi, mom." She's like, "Oh, Gigi, I'm going to have surgery. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll see you later. Bye-bye." She's like, "Bye, mom." And she's like, "Okay. Oh, I woke up Gigi. I think I woke up Gigi." "Oh, oh, oh." And then she's like, "All right. I go to surgery now. I'm like, "What about Bella and Anwar?" She's like, "No. They don't get a call." She's, instead, all Yolanda does, she worries about is she going to wake up Gigi, and then she's like, "Oh, no. I woke up Gigi. I'll call her again to apologize for waking her up or will that wake her up a second time, and maybe I should just maybe send her a letter. Maybe an edible arrangement. I don't know. What about, do you want to call Bella and Anwar? An edible arrangement. Yeah, but like the other two kids now, just send them an email. Just please let the other ones know if I die, they will always disappoint me. Okay. Love you Gigi. Get some rest of my beautiful little flower. Blanca, could you send an e-card to Bella and Anwar, please, telling them goodbye. Thank you. Do one of those cheap jobbers. I wanted to have cartoon talking heads of me saying, "Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, make a good song." Blanca, please send a bit moji that says, "Bye, bye, bye." But it could just be you. It doesn't have to be me. With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. I mean, how many times have you felt like, "Oh, this has been such a great deal." 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Go to audible.com/wondrypod and discover all the years best waiting for you. Poor Blanca has to tell their mom is dead. Poor the other ones. I feel so bad for them now. Just kidding. Okay, who's next? Well, the other one is the other ones with the weekend, so that's good for her. So, next is Lisa Rinna selling stuff on the air, which is fine. It's like every other QVC segment we've ever seen on these shows. And also every Lisa Rinna scene, because no matter what she's doing, she's just always doing that. She's always on QVC. Oh, so soft, so amazing, so amazed to have this in my life. I'm so blessed to have this sweater wrapped around me. You know, it's like five seconds to fabulous when you put this on, okay? I'm going to put this on and go right to work at the deli, okay? That's what I want to do. It's beyond. I've spent so long and so much money on trying to change myself. And really all I needed was this form-fitting sweater. I mean, they just changed me. You know what? I've opened myself up to the universe and I've said, okay, give me a gift. The gift was the sweater. Uh-oh, you guys. The camel is sold out. The camel is sold out, but you know what? We have some depends for you and said. You can always get it depends. Okay? I mean, it's beyond. I love you, camel. I'm so sorry you're sold out. Give me a hug, camel. I will sell every fucking last camera. So then, uh, then we actually go into Yolanda's surgery, um, which, so Daisy the health advocate was in the, was in the room. I didn't understand why Daisy had to be in the, in the surgery. Like, was she going to be like, excuse me, doctor, you're doing that wrong. Like, I'm sorry, this is against regulations. She's a freaking call girl. She's like, Yolanda has lime. Yolanda has lime. Yolanda has lime. We know. Okay. You don't need to advocate. She's like lawyering Yolanda. Yeah. No one's arguing. Yeah. You're arguing with nobody. You're arguing with Dr. Feng Shui. Okay. She's only doing her best. Leave her alone. Uh, and then finally they take out her boob and they just like put it on a table. It's like the size of a Christmas ham. I'm like, what is, that's huge. How'd that fit in there? It looks like somebody egged a house with meatloaf and when they pull it out, it has this long tail on it like an alien. It's like little swimming meatloafs. No wonder she felt so sick. My God, woman. Uh, they put an alien in her boob. Mm. Don't make sense. I fell and I broke my boob. Okay. So then I went and I got other boobs, but I guess I didn't clean out the other boob boob. And so it broke this boob and now I have double broke boob. I'm like, what the hell are you doing? Call Paul and get your fucking tits done properly, please. It's going to cost you 500 extra dollars. We'll start you a Kickstarter. I mean, Jesus Christ lady. She literally has alph in her breasts. I mean, it's like buying fucking condoms at the dollar store. There are some things you do not get discounts on telling. Mm hmm. Yeah. Well, it's better than Daniel stops boobs at least. Mm. Um, so then so now that's it for Yolanda. And then we go to literally because she dies. Yeah, she just, she comes out of surgery. She cries and David like kisses her and it's like David goes in, he goes. You're finished. You're done. You're over. It's done. And she's like, oh, I love you too. He's like, no, it, what I'm saying is it's over. It's done. Oh, yes. I want to make love to you too. He's like, no, no, no, no, it's over. I want to divorce. I want to divorce this Lyme disease too. Unfortunately, you can't divorce your children, right? Oh, gosh. So then, um, over in the Hamptons, uh, Eileen and Kyle are in this. It's like a motel. It's like a fancy motel and they're setting up like a nightclub in the pool area and it's like loud and crazy and they're miserable and they're like, we got to get out of here, which I totally, I understood that. I, I thought it was, I thought it was funny seeing how miserable they were. So they got a, um, excuse me, they find a house to rent and they go to a new, they go to the new house and they're happy and then they see a deer across a pond and they're like, is that a deer? Is that a deer? It's a deer, which is, you know, that's it. I mean, like really nothing very exciting. Yeah. I took the fascinating Kyle scene. Another, another fascinating Kyle scene, but then, honey, would you give me a new house to stay in? And then Mauricio does, he's like, okay, you get the key in a little lock box outside. Make sure when you enter the house, you knock the alarm off of the hammer. Like I taught you. Oh, yeah. I know. I know how to do it, honey. It's totally squatting in some mansion. Yeah. So then, I mean, really, so the funny thing is when they, when they moved out of the hotel, I thought it was for sure just like one of these like a little bit of like flavor or just see, see, just like a slice of their life, a funny little quirk about these women, but it actually turned into like a minor controversy because then Lisa, Lisa, um, Vanderpump flew in on like a via helicopter to the Hamptons and she checks into the motel and they're like, oh, by the way, there's a letter here for you. And it's from Eileen, and the letter's like, dear Lisa, we've left. Bye. Call me later. Call me later. We hate your hotel. Die. Okay. Bye. Talk later. I was like, darling, what? Why is this written on a waiter check? Is this Kristin? Was there a girl named Kristin here? Because it was written on like a waiter chat, which was so weird. So Lisa is like mad about this. She's like, I don't know why they couldn't just wait for me. I don't understand it. It's a perfectly lovely hotel. Well, that's because they give you like a nice room away from all the noise. Yeah. But. And also it's about her, you know, it's like her party. I don't think it was a huge deal that they changed hotels. I think the reason I don't even think she was that upset about it was she because she was like, hey, you, I hate you. Like she was. She was probably just annoyed because she probably felt a sense of FOMO because she knew that like everyone was going to be at the house and she'd be at the hotel. I think actually, I think that Kyle had it right later on when she said like the reason why Lisa is annoyed is because she wants to be at the house too. And she couldn't leave the hotel because that would be like poor for her. It would be rude. Yeah. She just wanted to party because she even told Kyle. I just want. I thought we were going to party, darling. Kyle's like, yeah. Don't you dare make her from Cheshire. You just gave her a Cheshire accent. Don't do that to the queen. It's because when Lisa Vanderpump is vulnerable, I don't even know what to do. She's vulnerable. So she turns into Lauren. She's like, I don't know. I want to do the party. I thought you're going to party with me. We came in from my life, party with me. Let's talk about it in the tall. So I think Lisa just kind of had her feelings hurt because she thought it was going to be a party weekend. Now she knows she's going to be wheeling Ken and that puppet dog around all night talking to a bunch of queens. She doesn't know and being bored while the ladies are like, OK, we're tired. And then they're just going to go gossip about everything. And she's going to miss it. And it's supposed to be her day and I get it. I actually do too. That's the exact sort of thing that would annoy me to be like, but I thought we're all going to be doing this together. But then she said when she was telling him, I hate you, you betrayed me in that not accent at all. But when she was doing that, Lisa Rinna and Eileen were looking at her like, they were really getting yelled at because those are two LA actresses and nobody talks like that. You know, you've got to be very like fake at all times and polite and stuff. And even though they know Lisa's like that, they're acting like you're being abused. They're giving these looks like I can't believe she's talking to me like that. And then in the scenes from next week, Rinna is trying to pull a Kyle to sick Eileen on Vanderpump, which I'm still not getting this whole going against Vanderpump over stupid shit. But she's like, yeah, you know, if you felt that way, then you need to talk to her. I'm like, what we're going to have a fight now that Lisa hurt somebody's feelings when she said her feelings were hurt because that is such a house was a Beverly Hills storyline right there. That's actually like very Cheshire to be like, I want you to talk like if you have something to say, say it to my face, I don't say it to someone else. Like, it's their hit for me, not send you a face face, you're like, Oh God. Well, it's very on brand for Beverly Hills, speaking of brands work out on that. But it's on brand for them because our fights are always so stupid. Like that first the whole first season was about whether or not Kyle said that Camille was insecure without Frazier. I mean, that lasted an entire effing season. Yeah. And it was amazing. But I love that. I love, I love when small shit turns into an ongoing feud because that's sort of what happens in life. Yeah. It's the tiny things that tiny things that snowball and snowball and snowball and next thing you know, you're like at a dinner party with a psychic at each other's necks. Mm hmm. So this episode ends with them all sitting around and Lisa still giving them shit. Like, Oh, you betrayed me. And then Kyle says, of course, what does Kyle do when she's nervous or being confronted brings up someone else's pain. It's just like redirecting right back to Kim. I'm not in party mode. Yeah. It's like, well, I'm really sorry, but I needed quiet because Kim was arrested at Target. Whatever. Like Kim's ruining my life again. And Lisa went, Oh darling, I'm sorry. Now, well, she on marijuana pills, I think Kyle's like, what you want me to talk about it? You want me to bring up all your stuff? I will. Like, OK, again, you just brought it up fucking. Yeah. Yeah, you did. You did it. Yeah. Although actually to be to be a hundred percent fair, when she first said I'm just not in club mode right now, I thought that was more when she first said that I thought she was meaning like, I just got off a red eye. I'm not in the mood to go to her club. I didn't read it as like, oh, because my sister just tried to shop with $600 worth of toys from Target. So you didn't. Well, I mean, I mean, that's probably what she meant. But of course, I just thought I meant she just got off a red eye, but it's sort of funny to think that if she did mean I just got off a red eye, that Lisa would be like, oh, because of your sister. She's doing all those toys. It's got out of there with one of those other boards, the kids are going crazy for those. Did she get any chew toys for Kingsley? Like maybe a cement block. You know, his teeth are so strong, darling, please tell me Kim didn't just get arrested for stealing $600 worth of Post-its because that's what I've read in the TMZ. And that would indicate marijuana bills. Lisa's idea of drugs are so hilarious. She must have been taking some Tylenol PM. That makes people do crazy things, darling. I'm calm down over there, okay? Well, she's an excedrant. Tell me. I mean, who buys that many brat stalls? Oh, not by the most case, maybe. Oh, I also have to point out that when meeting Erica, Lisa also showed her examples. Zach True Colors again when she said, "I used to have a little whore Barbie like this Erica Jane. I thought she was a piece of trash and I would never play with her. But now I can appreciate the whore Barbie. And I can't wait to manipulate her and change her entire Malibu Barbie household. Jesus Christ, Lisa, I cannot wait to mold her into a less-horish Barbie." Oh my God, this is going to be amazing. The beginning of an amazing friendship if it's not derailed by Kyle. I got really worried when Erica was like, "Kyle seems like she wants to have fun and I love fun, so let's swallow fun together." I was like, "Oh, God, don't fall for it, lady. Don't fall for it." Yeah. When is the other housewife going to come on? Because there's another cast member and she's nowhere to be found so far. And she's the one who looks like a crazy bitch. She's the one who looks like a Viva number two. Yeah, she looks like a stuck-up, you know, whatever, which I like and I want that. I'm ready for it. I think the season needs a little bit of a kick. She looks like a stuck-up hootin' Mahalas. Mm-hmm. At this point, I feel like the season needs to start hopping on the Yolanda is crazy wagon like OC or it needs to do something else because it's so far, they're kind of all just hanging out. And I, for whatever reason and loving it and I've been reading a lot of it. I just believe it too. Love it too. But I've read a lot of comments of people basically saying it's so boring and this and that. And to me, it's so not. I'm just like, I think because it is so boring, but I mean, Lisa, this episode used a freaking vending machine for the first time ever and that was amazing. Yeah, oh, that was last week. Yeah, I know, I still love it because I think the characters are so strong but I would like just like a little, just a little something, but you know, last season too, around this time, it was like, you know, the season was fine. It was entertaining and stuff, but it wasn't until Kim started to go crazy that the season really kicked into high gear. So I'm hoping that like something like that will happen. Yeah, something that'll always come from this show. I believe in you show. Oh, I believe in you. I believe in you. Meanwhile, what do you want to do next? Newlyweds or Cheshire? Whatever you want. Amazing. Amazing. That's why I'm in such a positive relationship. Yeah, easy. Why don't we do Cheshire? Cheshire. Cheshire. Oh, love this show. I know. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, that's the theme music. Here's, here's, you know, something annoys me about Cheshire. I'm going to make a, I'm going to make a comment, a general comment. I can't stand how the colors are like a little oversaturated, but the contrast is high too. So there's like these, these like intense darks, but then this like very intense color. I don't like that. It's like the, you know what I'm talking about? I'm not crazy. Yeah. Everything shot on like, high definition video, but it's being lit incorrectly. Like they're using cheap fluorescence to light it, but then they're, but then they're fixing it in post and adding filters to everything. Yeah. And so everything looks like it's through some weird Instagram filter and they're also using the Barbara Streisand butter over the lens or whatever and it cracks me up because sometimes you can't even tell what things are. It's like, especially when they're in Ampeca's house. Yeah. I think this is the, are we doing both episodes or just the most recent? We can do like a, most recent. Yeah. We can, we can summarize the last, the last episode, the only thing that was, we'll talk about what was most about the last episode, the only two things. This one opens with Ampeca in her house because Max dad, don't, Max dad bust. Wait, hold on. And the music is all sad. They box that pop. Yeah. Yeah. But my, my dad passed, so the music is like not only sad, it is downright like dramatically sad. It's like, Oh, it's like a dirge and she's like, she's like in her, on her couch. She's like, I've had some body blues, a lot of body blues, but one, one body blue after this. I feel his pan. I feel his pan. Mark is part of me. It's funny because we used to be married, but now we're not married. I feel his pants still, I still feel his power. She's like sitting there. This violin music is playing. She's in a silk 90 in like stiletto heels with her leg, like the slit of the leg coming up. Her legs are crossed full face of makeup. Her hair is done. And she's like, Oh, but sad, dear old, sad about back all I can talk about is paper. Oh, my God, lady, you are so ridiculous. So Tonya comes over. Okay. So I guess we should talk about the last episode. Yeah, we'll talk about. Yeah. So basically the last episode was actually good for one, something actually happened, something actually happened, which is that. So the general broad strokes of it was that Ampeaker had a party for her salons one year anniversary for what's called opium. And so, so those two, these like these two gays came over who were there. They were originally Don's gays, but then they became Ampeaker's gays and they're like these old, how do you call them sort of like doddering, doddering queens? They're like Downton Abbey Queen. Yeah. They're both like the Queen. With their box and stuff. Yeah. You know, the grandma from Downton Abbey, like, Oh, yeah, that I could, to like, where is Dawn? Where is Dawn at the party? Because Dawn was not there because Ampeaker did not invite Dawn because Dawn has never come to the store. Right. Now, where's my door to do? I didn't invite Dawn, I didn't invite Dawn because she didn't ever come to the salon. And you know, I only invite people who come to the salon with battle clothers because I'm like a snake. I eat your ball clother. At the end of the day, at the end of the day, at the end of the day, I didn't invite Dawn because she hadn't even stepped on the shop and they said, well, have you asked her to come to your shop then? Have you sent her an invitation? Have you looked into papillos posts? Did you send her a papillos post? Did you check Evite? Did she see if she looked at her either? If you sent an invitation on the email, you can't trust her computer now, can you, Dawn? She's like, I'm not going to the earth because she's the boss of Evite and she's not the boss of me. And having babies is selfish and she didn't come to the shop. So that's it. And they're like, so they run back to her. But this thing at the shop was hilarious because she's throwing this party for her first year anniversary of opium. And she invites everybody over and she goes, I want to thank Evie Wilk for coming to open. It's been a year that the hardest year of my life just opened it. Then we came to work and I'd like to give the award for the most lovely assistant to Madre. Madre is a ticket to the app next I can. She gave an award to anybody who's ever walked in the shop and then Tanya is telling us her version of it. And she's like, I'm thinking she's about to give them diamonds, the car keys. No, here's your diesel gift box. So then so basically later in the episode, there's like a, they all go to an art gallery. And so on the way over, Dawn goes with her gaze, the same gaze who just were talking with Ampeaker and they're like, oh, well, Ampeaker didn't invite you because she said he never went to her salon and Dawn's like, how rude, how rude. Which is, by the way, that's like the tagline. Every woman says that at some point like five times during the episode. When she said that, I just kept thinking, how rude, how rude, how rude could you be? How rude, how rude, how they think, how interesting, how rude, that's so interesting that she's so rude. At the end of the day, that was rude. I thought to myself, how rude is she? So, so Dawn is now mad that she's heard this, so she gets the art gallery. And this is, she gets there after Magali and I forget who she was, Tanya or Lauren and they're looking at this art, this crazy art. And Magali is like, she's, the artist comes by and Magali is like, who is this artist? What is this artist? And he's like, oh, it's mine. It's my old. He's like, oh, this is your art. What is crazy? This is crazy. Do people buy this art? He's like, oh, someone just bought this art. Oh, who buy that art? I'm like, whoa, no, terrible art, terrible, you show me, you show me who who buy this art. I want to say to them, what kind of person buys this art? Okay. These these people with bloody nose and they can't hear. Okay. This is, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Magali ripping that apart, that artist and you asked was fucking brilliant. That's the best thing I've ever seen. It was, because she could not contain herself, she was like, no, this, did people pay $25,000 for this? No. No, no, I like. I want to talk to him. You show me him. Bring him to me. We'll make this price so she told him. Yeah. Who makes this? How much is this? $25,000. Who make this price? Lian. Whoa, Lian. We'll be like a ching, ching, ching, ching. And I'm like, ching, ching, ching, ching. And I'm like, no, close pocket. And I'm like, no, close pocket book. So, so then so Don comes into the article. She's all mad. She's like, we'll get a load of this. I just heard this. They just told me that Empico didn't invite me to the sink because she's mad at me. You know, I don't like that. I don't appreciate that. You know, someone's mad at me. I'm right on the night. I'm about to have me hysterectomy. You know, she's like, you know, if you have a problem with me, say it to my face. Say it to my face. And Tonya now gets annoyed, deservedly so, because here's Don talking about like, Empica has an issue with me. She should tell it to my face and not to my friends. And what's Don doing? She has an issue with Empica and she's telling it to their friends. Yeah. And also it came through the older gay guys or whatever. So Tonya hates them now. She's like, these guys telling you all this stuff that sounds like you're listening to a third party. And she's like, it's all third party. It's the gays. They're like the newspaper. They're wrinkly little heap of sack of good newspaper that's dropped at my doorstep every morning. Do you want me to argue with the news? So I wouldn't trust them. Well, I do trust them. They're my oldest friends. Literally. All right then. But still, the said that Empica said something about me and why doesn't she talk to me? She's like, I'm bored with you. I love Tonya. She's like, I'm bored, my team. So then during this, like at some point, like Don allegedly poked Tonya. Although we see, we see it's ongoing, sorry. But Tonya's like, she poked me. She poked me. I can't believe she poked me. That got me so rude, how rude. Did she just poke me? She did. She poked me. I don't appreciate getting hurt. And then she like runs off and she's like, yeah, damn twat. I'm like, I'm like, this is again, this is one of those moments where like, this is definitely a British show because if the worst offense is getting poked, then you were lucky because I mean, compared to like New Jersey. On Beverly Hills, that's like a resume getting poked on this show. It's like the biggest effect that's ever happened. Yeah. She poked me. She poked me. She poked me. She says she poked me, I think 50 times. Yeah. I mean, after this for two episodes, she's like, off to tell you, don't poke to me. It's the first time in my life I've ever been poked. She came up to man. She said, no, and she poked me. Although all her react and the way she reenacted it was like, she would like wind up her arm, her fist. And she just like was a boom poke as like, it's like this crazy, like like Kamikaze finger going right into her shoulder. I mean, how rude. And then Dan says, he goes around telling people that a potent, they ate the tree. It wasn't a poke. It was a definite stroke and not a poke and a stroke because I got so bad about ampeakers saying I've never been to a salon, but I haven't been to a salon because I've got a job and I've got a hysterectomy coming off. Have I talked to you about my hysterectomy? It's like, oh my God, she'll start that. And shut up Don. She's like, well, you know, just say you didn't want to go. Like I would get that. But if you had a whole year and you didn't go to her salon once, it's not like you are waking up going down to your home office and then returning from there to like manage Dobby, Dobby and the Dabets and then going to sleep. Okay. You got your hair done at some point. You got to manicure at least once during the year. You could go to ampeaker stupid salon. For ampeaker. It's like I'm busy. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but sometimes feelings of a baby come first. I've been working on a baby vision board. It includes back sit up broken and less hours at the job so I can possibly support my friends salon. So anyway, so then, then after the archer, they all go to this club, this one, one of the club's bizu was a bizu bizu or something like that, down to hanchesha. And they're going to go dance and they all they're all dancing. And at this point, Lauren's husband Paul comes and joins the joins the joins the party joins the fun. And he I forget what did you say that got Don originally so mad because he said some things that were like, pickers, X, max, father, past, and he goes, well, I hope it was from nothing serious. Oh, yeah, that's who made like some joke, like I don't think that is something serious. And she's like, it's tasteless. She's like, how weird is he? Does he even hear the words coming out of his mouth? How rude. And he said, what's wrong with you over there, Don? You're not saying anything. And she goes, I'm not saying anything because I'm just listening. And he said, Oh, like this version of you and Lauren's nice. Yes. This is my favorite version of yeah, the one that just listens. Oh, yeah, they were like big self noxious or as hilarious. And Don cannot stand there. And then he was like, so what got you interested in Mr. Millionaire for Paula Ashley. And she's like, actually, I knew when he was a princess, I'm like, well, like I'm, was you like out of working at like a shoe shop. Oh, I met back when he was putting his soles on the cheese. He was a blacksmith. I made a fire pucker for me. But but she took offense there because he was insinuating that she was into him for the money, which of course she was. Yeah. And I think that also Lauren and Lauren and Don tried to make amends. But either way, the point is that ultimately, Don wound up calling Paul a chauvinist pig. And then that's when Lauren really was like, I can't believe she'd say that I would never talk to someone's husband like that. Not even an ally. Why he's alive. Ha. Read. Hurry. Hurry. I would never speak to someone who's been the way she's about to mom. I'll tell you one thing. She's not wild pride. She has no mad eyes. Well, Paul was so fucking rude and he was apparently he's just going to get worse and worse. And the way they describe him was so funny. They're like, because Johnny goes, Oh, you found the male pole then she goes, Oh, because that's how Lauren laughs, which I love it because it's kind of my laugh, which should make me crazy. But I actually love that somebody else on this planet has it, especially that nut job. It's like, I can't believe it. The thing is that like Paul is clearly like an asshole or a dick and he, but like it kind of works here because so many of these women take themselves so seriously, especially dawn for crying out loud. So I don't mind that like an asshole comes, comes through and just makes fun of her. Although I do think there is, there's definitely a double standard. I mean, you know, if she's not allowed to call Paul a chauvinist pig, then he probably, he should not be allowed to speak to her in that way too. But whatever is, Don, I, I, I, I approve. Yeah, but this is also Lauren and she's evil too, like you can just tell this lurking and I can't wait for it to come out because she is so weird. Dawn comes up to her and she's like, Oh, we need to talk then don't we do we need to talk more then you're going to talk more where he's well got upset because I've got his direct to me coming up, she's like, Oh, God, do I have to listen to this? You go to listen to me. I just need you to listen to me. Now he is what's going on with me is direct to me. And then she just blabs on and Lauren gets this weird Cheshire anger, smile on her face. Yeah, I mean, it's like jack-o-lantern smile and she's like, now I've listened to you. Yeah. And I'm done listening to you. Oh, no. I said listen to me. But I've listened already. You don't shut up and frankly, you're quite boring. And Lauren got angry there. You could see sure her lips are to curl. It was like the first time we've seen like some nice anger coming out of her, which I approved. Yes, Dawn finally got under her skin by just poke, poke, poke, poke, won't stop poking. She says, Oh, yeah, listen to me then. What did I say? I'm not going to repate her. I'm not going to ski you cause I'm more brad. More brad. She's well brad. She's well brad. So this was all amazing. So this is all drama as Paul, but we have to talk about the nanny interviews. I'm not sure what episode this was. It was last week. Okay. Tonya needs a nanny and Lauren is shocked and she goes, I can't believe she doesn't have a nana. Oh, you can tell. You're not real. I don't know a friend. He doesn't have a nana. I thought that was so funny. So Tonya, Tonya is interviewing her and she has ampeca come help for whatever reason. And then she has her assistant. What's her name? Bunny rabbit. Oh kitty and kitty just asked the same question to everyone. Everyone who comes in is kind of crazy and they're like dowdy, like old ladies who would love to be a nanny. It's not like America where there's like tits, you know, they're like, they're old ladies who just want to like they like me around children, yeah, make them happy. What's your, what's your most positive thing with children? Well, I like to pick them up and then put them in a chair strap them in there and then a lot to feed them and then a lot to slap the backs and to snort comes out at the face. Oh, all right. Well, this sounds pretty qualified, you know, in America, they're like, I'm gonna fuck your husband. So yeah, well, the funny thing is that Tonya, like there was, there were, there were a few candidates that did not know anything about football and he's like, next, but I'm like, I would, I think I would want someone who knows nothing about football, right? Like, you don't want someone who's like a big fan and then wants to take your husband or maybe I've seen too many lifetime movies. It does sound like a weird question. Like, who cares if they're a fan of your husband, they're doing their, their service. Like, why do they need to be fans? But it was so funny because I had the assistant asking that question. So every single person that came in, she goes, do you watch football, then do you watch football? What do you think of football, then say you like football? Is someone kick the ball at you with the foot? Would you catch it? I try and hit it with your head. What do you think about goalkeeping, do you like football? Like, hello, maybe ask someone if they know how to feed a baby. Yes. Like, there are more important questions when seeking someone to raise your child. Yeah. Exactly. Football. Um, so then this week, so that was all last week. So this week, um, it begins with again, Ampeaker is sad, uh, cause Max, Max, my father's just died out. I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm going to get my voices right. I'm like, wait Ben, Ampeaker, Ampeaker, I'll go, I feel his pie, I feel his pie. But to be fair, she did have her own second bombshell of the week because this, all the stuff with Mark's dad dying and her thing about her dad, and she reached out to her dad. She couldn't get in touch with him and then she finally tracked him down and turns out he had been diagnosed with Parkinson's, which is very serious and very sad. So, um, Tonya, it's a weird story, wasn't it? I haven't talked to my dad yet, but I thought about my back as box dad, but it's like my brother, you know, it's like my soul back, even though we're not buried in the bowl. It's called my dad who would go back and so I went to my dad's house and I broke down the door. Like, wait, what? She's like, I picked the lock to dad's house and I went upstairs to sit there, cried. And I thought, oh Lord, look at him, it's cried. And then he looks shocked to see me, you know, because he's cried. Meanwhile, like Michael, Michael J. Fox is like, I'd like to report a British intruder in my home. Thank you very much. Some crazy British woman who looks sort of like Mariah Carey. She keeps calling me daddy. I didn't know he'd had a film career. I went back and watch back to the future. I was like, that's my dad. So dad, good to see you after 20 years, you're doing all right. They said, I got the Fox and I said, oh, dad, don't worry. I'm going to be a caretaker for the rest of the time. What? Wait, what just happened? And now she's that's her new mission and like, and she's like, now I feel like a big white couple of the shoulder because they're only did I talk about that, but I'm going to be what the disaster, the rest of the day, like, well, this is getting crazy. Someone talk her down. I know. So so then so Tanya comes over and then Peter tells all the stuff that Tanya and they're sitting there. And then then because I got enough of the sad stuff, I want to hear about how what what busy was like, though, not please tell me all the goals of my ears are ringing. So then Tanya starts talking about it. And then we have this weird segment where they go upstairs, they they go upstairs to look at the clothes that am Pika would have worn. Had she gone. I was like, what? Like, Oh, yeah, that would have looked really good at busy that would have gone. I wanted to wear this. I wanted to wear it with a balaclava, but I couldn't because I was doing a pie. Look at your clothes with that. It's so big. So you could have wore so many different things. That's right. I could have wore many different things. Look at this one. I could have wore. Look at that. You think. So we would have been talking about the bad. You think double. They tried to boss me about distress. I don't think so. The only thing more boring than watching women on these shows decide what they're going to wear that night is watching women on these shows. Look at clothing that they almost wore to something that they never went to. Okay. Love it. And then Tanya starts telling the story about the poke again. She's reliving the poke around the world of the poke. She's like, she just starts talking about about, she's like, she worked and she poked me right there. And then Ampegar gets mad. She's like, I can't believe those guys. I thought they were my friend, but they're like little dogs, little dogs, the patches in the mads. What? I'm back to the master. Little little dogs running back to the bastard. I'll tell you this book, I'm not feeding those little queens back just to get the come to me. She's probably walking around with steak in her pockets. Not me. You don't most mean about steak lady. No, I prefer them. And so then what was funny is that Ampegar now got mad and Pika's now mad at Don because she was mad that Don. Okay. So Don was poked Tanya, and Pika's mad that Don, rather than coming to Ampegar to say she was mad, she was talking to the women. So in summary, and Pika is mad that Don didn't tell her she was mad because Ampegar didn't tell her she was mad because Don was mad that Ampegar didn't speak to her to her face. And now Ampegar is mad that Don was mad about the original thing and didn't talk to her to her face. So good. And in the middle of it all, we've got the Downton Abbey gays, my favorite gays of all time. They're hilarious. Where I'm Pika just got a feeling to it when you didn't ever, I do the part at the salon. Just seems like a cat that's backed up into a gourmet, that could grow your animal. And then you're thinking my logic to cats and then you have it euthanized and realized you just had a pillow with bad filling in it the entire time and you've killed a cat for no reason. Do you know what I mean, doll? She's like, no, but I'm gonna pet Don here tonight. Oh, good for you. Good, good girl, good girl. So then we get to Lauren and Magali and they're hanging out. And now they're talking about Don. And now what does Magali say when Magali hears about this, about what that Don called Paul, a chauvinist pig, Magali's like, how rude, how rude. She literally says how rude there. She's like, how rude. Can't do that. You can't say that to a man. What? Magali is so funny. When this scene started, she's meeting up with Lauren and she goes, Lauren call me. I don't know why Lauren call me like huge drug, but she call me. So I say, okay, I go, I listen to what Lauren has to say, like, for was like, for was like ring, ring, ring, ring. And then I answer and then no one's there and I hear beep, beep, beep, beep. And then I go back and then it's like ring, ring, ring. And then beep, beep, beep. I'm like, what's this phone? I say, should I say hello or should I say do do do do do. Sorry. Click. Bye. No more. You know, Lauren and I, we are great friends. You know, when we call each other, I say hello. She say hello. I say, how are you? She say, how are you? We have so much in common. Whoa. Whoa. So, yeah, she's talking to Lauren and Lauren goes, well, I had just got back from a hazard. And I went to a bar and guess what happened? The dawn, the dawn came up. And my god, it's like, oh, you call it the dawn. This is perfect. The dawn rise. She's like, you're so. I love, I love how, by the way, they're so furious about Don calling Paul a chauvinist pig. It's like, so what do these women want? It's like you, on the one hand, you say, what if you had a problem and said to my face? And then Don says something to Paul's face, like, I can't believe she said to his face. But then, I love, I love though that like, McGallie's response to all of it is like, maybe Don should have a mirror and look, maybe I should say Don, look at me and then Don say, Oh, look at me. Maybe I look pretty. Or maybe she say, Oh, no, maybe, maybe I'm shorter than I thought. Or maybe she say, Oh, Mia needs to be clean. I don't know. I just bring me here. Oh, we forgot to talk about that party at BZU when Leanne is like, doing weird stripper slash. Oh, my God. Leanne dancing. Oh, my God. That was amazing. That was like, yeah, I was like, cheer, cheer with like, I don't know what it was. If this is, this is what counts as good dancing in Britain, then I am very amused and I want to see more of it. It was amazing. Don everyone hates Don, obviously, and so Don has no one to talk to. And they're trying to turn Leanne against Don. And so Don didn't really have anybody. So she gets McGallie. She's like, I'd like to talk to you outside, McGallie, McGallie's like, don't say she want to go outside. I say, do I go outside with Don? Do Don talk to me? Do she hit me? Does she stab me? Does she drive away in car? I don't know. Who knows? Beep, beep, beep. Hi. Hi. Oh. It's McGallie's McGallie. So then she starts telling McGallie about this stupid story. I'm like, well, on Pika's match, she told the queens that the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then McGallie says, I think that Don, trying to use McGallie, she make McGallie go talk to somebody for her. McGallie don't talk to nobody for nobody. McGallie talk because McGallie want to talk. Okay, I talk to Leanne where she is. I love it. McGallie always makes this very intense stand and then just, like, relents. McGallie don't do nobody dirty work, but McGallie want to, so, okay, we're the worst on ya. McGallie do it because McGallie wants to, you know? And so she goes to Tanya and Tanya's like, I'll just go out, she's like, this is what I want to know, how you feel. It's like where I was standing there and then they were telling me things and I said, is she going to poke me? Because I saw a finger starting to get in a poke gesture and then she poked me. And I said, she poked me. And then I left thinking, should she just poked me? I went to the toilet and I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, is that the face of a woman who just got poked? And I said back to myself, yes, and you've got lipstick on your teeth. And I said, thank you. Get them twat. And McGallie's like, oh, she never told me this part about the poke. Oh, you see? Dawn is very tricky. She tried to trick McGallie. McGallie is not tricked. McGallie not about poke. I'm like, what the hell is going on on this show? It's all about some ghost poke. Yeah. Well, it's like the first big controversy of the season, the poke. The poke. The poke. So anyway, so now I'm sorry, Lauren has a birthday party for the bunny and she does not invite Dawn and so that's exciting. And then the next thing is that Leanne has a party. I mean, basically there's like this whole section in the middle of this episode where we just sort of see parties where nothing happens. So Leanne throws up party for her kids. It's like in a random conference room. And it's like the big story is that Dawn was invited, but then she's like, Dawn can't come because Taylor had back surgery and so it's like, oh, okay. And that was the end of the scene. I'm like, what do we really need to see a scene about Dawn backing out of a children's party? I think we do because it's foreshadowing. This show's not very good at pointing it out, but it's so foreshadowing because you know Leanne is going to bring that up for the next 10 years. That's true. But you remember the time I had that party and it was for my children and our children are friends. Remember that time my children held hands in school and then you didn't come to my party and it was sad because I had a party and you didn't come, even though our children are shut up already, all right? She says it classically and seems like I'd start to have a party. I think it's going quite well. I made a footballer cut. Yeah. We're having pizza. Okay. Next scene. So now Dawn and Ashla are going to the fertility doctor because she's going to go to freeze me eggs and you can see Ash is the look on his face. You can see he's like, please tell us that the eggs don't work. Please tell us that eggs don't work. I know we're kidding that poor guy and he is, I have to say that is a really good husband right there. You could just tell he's so good because Don tells him everything and these house husbands never want to hear this shit. You know, they're like, why do I have to listen to your plot lines? This is so boring. I just worked all day. Yeah. But she goes, she'll be going crazy like I'm dead. She had the day to say that my eggs were like a team stem peak so that never comes right out of the microwave correctly and he's like, oh, that's funny. Oh, is it? It's funny then. Yeah. It's funny. Don't you think it's funny? She's like, oh, yeah, you know, that's funny. Now I realize that Lauren was just being funny, like every time she comes to him with something she's, she's furious and he's like, well, I don't think she meant it like that. And she goes, she didn't then. All right. And don't live fine with an. Yeah. So then they go, they get to the doctor and the doctor is like, well, if you want to do IVF, it's going to be a five to 10% success rate. And Don's like, I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Five to 10%. I thought it was going to be 50% or perhaps a hundred percent. I can't believe it. Meanwhile, cut to Ashley, he's like, yes. And she just wants to win a fight anyway. She goes to the specialist and she's like, let me ask you this doctor. So if I'm going to freeze my eggs now, will it turn out better than a Timston pizza or worse than a Timston pizza because of my age? And he's like, Timston pizza is the same level of media, I can't wait to tell the girls there. Well, then just when, just when Ashley thought he was like home free, the doctor's like, well, since you're not having any symptoms from your periods anymore, you don't have to get your hysterectomy right away. So you could probably just have a baby natural if you want, but you'd better start now. And she's like, John's like, this is great news. Who would have ever thought we could have another baby? Naturally. And Ashley's like, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What can they, is she really going to do that? I mean, she just needs a story. But now she's. She's like, yeah, she's like, I'm like, she's like, she's like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm just gonna put this in my cart, because I like this game looks good and maybe like down the line. I'll get it. But this way, if I need to fill out an order, I just have it there so I can link about it. And then like four hours later, I'm like, I can't stop thinking about it. So anyway, they have a golf day for the men to golf, and I was gonna say about the bunny potter. I forgot this. So then we had. So as a body party for for sweeter. And the only thing that was like funny to me about this that I wanted to mention was at one point, there was an actual microphone set up for Lauren to give a speech at the party. It was like in her dining room. And we've seen some ridiculous parties on this, on all the real housewives, and we've seen some parties for pets and stuff, but I mean, a microphone set up as if she was dressing to you and I'd like to welcome you to sweeter's birthday party. Sweeter came to me at a very difficult time. We could have been in Arizona, but I had to stay here for sweeter. I'm like, Oh my God. Then she hired an opera singer to come in. She said, Oh, I'd lots of introduced my friend, Oprah Singles. And he comes on, he's like, So good. And poor little sweetie just looked so embarrassed. I know. Like really you guys got edible bouquets on my birthday. This is so rude. Who does that? rude. And then so then ampeaker shows up late. And so this is one another issue that I have with the show. And I think it's more symptomatic of all British reality shows, which is that like British reality shows generally rely on heavy narration. Have you ever noticed that? Like there's a lot of those usually a narrator that says, then this happened and this happened and this happened. So they kind of just like narrate this index part. It's like, and Pika shows up and they're like, I'm so happy that I'm Pika's here and then am because like, Hi, and they're like, next thing, you know, she's outside crying. And then you see Lauren out there like, what's wrong, you know, well, you know, Mark is the ones for you. And then they're like, and then next thing I know, Paul came out and then all of a sudden it's like mid conversation with Paul, I'm like, well, we're just going to just gloss right over all this like, just let us see it because I don't think it does. They're like, well, we have to make something happen. And basically, and Pika showed up three hours late now she's on Instagram outside. So they're like, I'm thinking about the feeling it so when I said and said, darling, are you feeling it? What's the rough tumbling? You're tread, darling. And Pika's like, well, you know, it's really hard. Did I talk about Parkinson's? It's like, Oh, geez, we've got hysterectomy Parkinson's and it's like, the loops on this show for airtime are so boring. Can you guys please just start fucking old rich people like the rest of the world? I know. So they all go to golf and spa day. Otherwise known as the only place that will let us shoot. They're like, what can we do outdoors? Let's have the main golf thing this little coffee shop will bring some nail files to the latest, like here's a changing room and some brobes sit here for six hours and come up with some gold. All right. We'll be back. So they they go there and by the way, I'd like to mention that ampeaker through her pen is has decided to dress like an extra from cats. Okay. This is the form that her pain that her pain has taken is dressing like a 1980s side show. Parkinson's has changed my style and no one's going to tell me otherwise, don't be greedy with your dresses. It's always the kids and everybody if they agree. Oh, so it's weird that I have a new style, but it's not with anybody else to listen to it and not listening to your style of advice, you're bossing lady. I'm like a lady, but I'm a snake. I'm like a pet circle on dawns, like some acid and she can neutralize, I can neutralize dawn, my alcalaam, but don't can't neutralize me because I'm alcalaam. She's the acid, I'm more alkalaam than dawn, I'm a double layer battery, dawns a day. She may be bigger, but the end it's harder to fit her and the most things are actually useful in the world. All right. I'm like a piece of chalk. She's like some lemon juice. She's asked that I'm alcalaam, I'm a boss, we're going to meet together and then someone's going to do a Let Miss Testels. It's got so bad. Oh, that was their thing, A to Z. They kept saying that. Well, here's what I'm saying about dawn at the end of the day, if she's not going to do this, boom, boom, boom, and it's all A to Z. Look, what? And then Dawn says, well, here's the thing about our pika. If she doesn't listen to what I say, she doesn't want to be by Fred, and I'll list these things from A to Z. What is, why is it always one phrase in each of these episodes? - Have rude, have rude. - This week, have rude. - Have rude. - Have rude. - Have rude. - My god, they say most. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - I won't point in this episode, she win. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - It's like a no motor slowing down. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - So the big confrontation at the Golf Day? - Yeah, big. He's like, "It's quite funny. I thought all the girls would be tarts." Because Mark's like, "Oh, you seem like a nuss chap, didn't you?" - Yeah, I feel like Mark always looks like he should be carrying someone's luggage somewhere, right? Doesn't he sort of look like a bellhop? - He does. - He's that bellhop. You feel bad for us, so you carry your own luggage and still give him $10 for telling you the history of the Marriott on the way up. - Back in my day, we used to actually hop over a bell. Crazy things have changed, you kids. - You're like, "All right, I'll carry it." So, carry him luggage back. So the head of course, Mark's dad died, by the way, Mark is like 80 himself. I mean, they have the best jeans in the world. How old was that, man? It's like my father died at 114, so I have to say, have fun old chap. You earned it, and I think it's like, I've never seen an old person dole like that. One minute he's beeping on the floor, the next minute he's dead, so confusing. It's not confusing, darling. - I feel so much pat. I feel so much of Mark's pat about that. - Ooh, ooh, ooh. So then, meanwhile, over at the sauna, the spa, whatever, where the women are, so Don sits down with Empica in front of everyone. So like, "Okay, here comes the big confrontation." But then what does Don tell us? She's like, "Wait, I can see the Empica's in the state." So I just thought, "I'm not going to go after her. I'll just let her say her peace." I'm like, "Well, here's the problem with the show." Because in America, any chance anyone has to go after someone, they're going to do it. But on this show, it's like every episode, it's like, "Oh, I was going to say my pace. I was going to tell her exactly how I feel." But then I thought, "No, I'm just going to listen." - Mm-hmm. I'm going to get back, Paul listening real good. And it actually was a very funny way to handle it because they actually know each other, so she knows Empica's a crazy bitch. - Yeah. And when Empica is in one of her bipolar modes, you just don't mess with someone like that. You know, she'll rip you a new one for no reason. So also, it was funny because Empica said, "When I was at the funeral, phobax did, I will sit there, crawl, and I got all takes from doom. It was actually quite lovely, and it melted my heart." - We've got a long way to go. - Relationships can't be fixed to the texting. - Like, since when? Welcome to 2016. - Yeah. - Yes, they can. And then she still pretends like it didn't happen. She's still yelling at Don and Don's like, "Wait a minute. So then you got my text." Yeah, it got your text. But even then you text your post me around. I'm not going to be both right by a text. And then I got mad because then you didn't come down a saddle. And then you didn't bloop bloop bloop. And then your post say, "That's what I don't like about you, Don. You're supposed to. It's only your opinion. And you only care about your own problems. Have a talk about Parkinson's and Max Dad." You are the worst about this lady. And it's hilarious because you cannot argue with her. So everybody's just staring at her and Lauren goes, "I thought that the flow would be wiped with that peaker, but Don's just sitting there doing nothing. Maybe I should be quiet next time." I'm like, "Oh yeah, no, let's all just not say anything ever." Come on now. Exactly. And then Pika even brings up the poke again. And then that's when Don's like, "It wasn't a poke. It was a flick. It was just a flick I even said, "Sora, believe me. If I wanted a poker, I would have poked you. There'd be no mistake in it. It would have been a real poke." Tony's like, "Oh, it was a poke." And then even worse, I went onto Facebook and she poked me. And she got all her friends to poke me. And Facebook was like, "Guess what? Don is poked you. I thought, well, I can't get away from that poke. Why can't people stop poking me?" Not war. She poked me. Well, it wasn't a poke. You know what I was trying to do? Was I was trying to just rub your arm and then I said, "I'm so sorry." And then you went off, you know, and I hear you scream twat. And then I think, "What's going on here? How did you?" That's so so fun. They over-talk everything. Yeah. But you poked me. But I didn't. All right. Then it was more about that. It wasn't just about the poke. It's also that you took your finger and you poked me with it. Oh, I didn't know. Oh, you did. And then Dan's like, "Listen, everybody. I've got huge news." Huge. Huge news. "We're going to try for a baby." 'Cause the doctor said that my baby will come out better than a team stone. And the line goes, where it's like, "All right, then. You've proved that you can't, but why would you?" Well, this doesn't make any sense, does it? And then Dan's like, "I can't believe that more people weren't supportive. I mean, how could you not be supportive of me trying to have a baby?" I'm like, "Shut up, Don. You already have four kids and you're 41. No one cares if you're going to try it or have another." Be one thing if you were pregnant, but you're going to announce that you're going to try to get pregnant and you're going to make it sound like a big deal like, "Jesus, go home. I'm going to shut up now." You're so funny. Laura, everybody's reaction is so funny because they've told her the same thing a million times. And now she's going to act like it's different. It's not going to be different. Lauren's still like, "But I don't understand that. So if you call to do it, then you go, "I do it, whatever to each his own baby, I suppose." And the peakers are like, "You're selfish. How many babies do you need?" When the waiter comes by, I'll be sure to order your baby because you seem to need an entire basket of them. Well, I've only got one little baby over here. Enjoy your multiple babies. "Read a baby maker." Oh, goodness. Love you, Chesha. Chesha. So that was it for that episode. I'm to our next episode. There'll be lots of exciting scenes of them meeting together to talk about things and talk about pokes and Leanne having stupid events. Like, "I decided this week I was going to buy the girls over to watch me heat up some water in the microwave." I've married a convection often. Cut. It's working pretty well. Oh, so next up would be newlyweds. Newly shreds. Well, let me bring up the newlywed page because I don't remember all their names still. The only name I know is Adonis because that's the most amazing name for a fat person ever. Yeah, that is, I mean, I love a good sarcastic name. You know, they're like, "Oh, this is an ugly baby. Let's name him Adonis." Wishful thinking. It's like Phaedroid naming one of her kids, Mr. President. You know, he's never going to be elected to, like, student council. It's just going to be embarrassing his whole life. I know. So, on this episode, most of them were dealing with their honeymoons or mini-moons, yada, yada, yada. So why don't we go through a couple by couple? Should we start with the gay couple? Well, my first thing I wrote was straight honeymoon, intense asshole, forehead wrinkles. Okay, so, you know, the ex-drug addict who's been married twice, who marries the Persian princess who was cheating with him while being married for four months or so. All that class in one sentence, you guys. The biggest scary thing about him, okay, obviously he has, like, meth eyes. But also, he does that thing where he's all when he's talking. He's lifting his eyebrows so that his forehead is wrinkling, which means he's really serious. So he's always really intensely telling you something, but it's not even serious. He'll be like, and then we were going to pack the car and then, and then it's like, please calm your goddamn wrinkles. You're making me nervous. Like, I cannot believe I'm actually saying this, but please, man, get some Botox. I cannot look at your stress wrinkles. They're making me crazy. You're not even saying anything important. Okay, that's the only money shot I had. The rest of it go straight through the show. Well, with their storyline, we were learning about Tara's anxieties. She's like, she's been really afraid of flying ever since 9/11. And of course, Rob, he thinks it's basically the way she projects her anxiety about her family. He actually blames it on her family. He's like, I think it's all the pressure that the family puts on her that it comes out with a fear of flying. I'm like, wow, you really are turning her against her family, aren't you? Like, everything now traces back to the family. No, she's just crazy. Crazy lady. So, yeah, work out your own mommy as she's with your own mommy. Okay, don't bring her mommy into it just because she wanted a little fried rice at the wedding or whatever. Yeah, yellow rice, whatever. So, I mean, not much happened with these guys. Also, didn't they meet on a work trip that they had to fly to get the fuck out of here with your phony fears that come out of nowhere all of a sudden? It was Vegas. She probably drove there. But where are they in LA? Yeah. Which people don't drive to Vegas, don't work. And then drive to Vegas, don't ask for poor people telling cars. Well, calls. So, she's afraid of flying and she also has OCD. And so, we got to see her like walking around the house and tidying things up and like closing refrigerator doors and opening them and stuff like that. I don't buy it. That's like a fake housewife's disease. Yeah. So, then basically, the thing that was noteworthy was that they were driving to LAX to fly to Italy. And she was really nervous. She was like, I've never been on a layover before. I don't know if I could do this. I'm feeling sick. Like, what if I have a panic attack during the layover? I'm like, oh my god. So, finally, we can get out of here. So, Rob does the thing that no parent should ever do, which is give a choice to the person who's acting up. You know, to the kid, right? You're never supposed to be like, if you don't stop doing this, I'm turning this car right around and we're driving home when you have no intention of doing that. So, he's like, so, do you want to get on the plane? Or do you not make the decision right now? Do you want to turn around or do you want to go to Italy? Thinking that she's going to like kick her into high gear and get her to be okay. She's like, mm, turn around the car. He's like, really? We're really doing this. We're really doing this. I'm like, dude, you shouldn't have asked. You shouldn't have offered. Don't give that opportunity. Just go to the airport and just force her on. And he tells us, you know, when we were first getting married, or when we were first talking about marriage, I knew that she had this issue. But I didn't know that I was marrying somebody so deeply broken. Like, you said something like, I didn't know that I was getting stuck with someone with issues that are that pathetic. Like, he said something that was just so a bad sign for their future. It's like, you know, basically, the translation was, I knew she had issues and everything, but boobs. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. So, boobs that are 20 years younger than me. Yeah, I'm not sure about them. She gets on my nerves because I don't buy any one on Bravo. Who's like, I'm afraid of flying. Because that's like a rich white disease, and I'm sick of hearing it. And you know that they're going to, you know the next episode, they'll be driving. She'll be like, wait, no, no, we're going to go. Because that's like a lot of money that's going down the drain. So they're going to do it. And I don't buy this. They're turning around on the PCH at all. No, they're going. Yeah. Okay, I'll be with you on that prediction. I'll go with him on that prediction. Thank you, Ronnie. So the gay honeymoon. Okay, gay people. I know that we're like camping ironically now. I get it kind of. But why would you do that on your honeymoon? You both have jobs. You're camping in a parking lot for your honeymoon, gay people. Yeah, I mean, I actually like that scene. You know, Brandon has really grown on me. I feel like we're seeing different layers of him, which I like. I liked how he was apprehensive. You know, holding hands with a man amidst like all the white trash. And so like, I feel like I get that. And you know, and Craig's like, come on, honey. This is I'll protect you, honey. Don't worry about it. And he's Brandon's like, please stop holding my hand. I like that. I thought that was, I thought that was good. But I was wondering like, why this is, this is terrible. This is a terrible decision. Yeah, it was really bad. They're like, let's go camp right in the middle of a bunch of straight families at a parking lot and flower short shorts. And like a whale tail song. And then Brandon keeps bringing up. He's like, but it's easier for you because you have not been gay bashed while walking past these people while you're just trying to get to school in an intolerant place, like Salt Lake. And he's like, Oh, come on, honey. Like gay bash may bash get over it. It was weird, but I love that they are just so out and proud. They're walking around in their little short shorts. They're kind of is almost transparent, which is hilarious. That is like a Palm Springs gate camping trip waiting to happen. And then, and then they go, then they change locations. They actually wind up in a hotel eventually. And that's when they're like, they're big quote unquote fight. It's happening because Craig wants Brandon to become a Ramsey. He wants it to be Brandon Ramsey. And by the way, spoiler alert, it's not going to happen because I'm looking on the Bravo website right now. And it's Brandon Liberati and Craig Ramsey. It doesn't have their names. But Craig's like, you married a Ramsey, you know, like, there's like generations upon generation of Ramsey. I'm like, listen, you're not from like the deep south. Okay, you're from Toronto. You're from Ontario. Like no one cares about generations, you know, up there, right? Like no one cares about generations in the north. Am I crazy? So meanwhile, there's gonna be like generations of Ramses like with pitchforks at my door. Well, then the other is like, yeah, but why can't we take my name? And he's like, cuz you made it up, honey. Like you can't just take a made up name. And he's like, but it was hard coming up with that name. Liberati, like no one forgets Liberati and they're not going to forget Liberati. I'm like, they're going to think for the rest of their life that you're some queen who can't spell Liberati. Yeah. And he's like, then I built my whole career on this name. Liberati, the haircutter. Yeah, I say, why don't you just take Craig's name and then for all your business stuff, you just stay as Brandon Liberati. Because honey, I didn't even know I was marrying somebody who wasn't going to take my name, like not even a hyphen. Like you even used your own hyphen at City Hall. And he's like, well, honey, like we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, you know, but it's like it to more important things first. You're married, that bridge is crossed. You just basically crossed a nameless bridge. Honey, what this tells me is that you have one foot in and one foot out. And I like that. It's a great dance move, but I don't like that with our marriage. You're poking our marriage, honey, and I don't like that. His feet are both in. He married you. Who cares about your stupid name? I mean, I guess I can see why he would care, but this is filed under one of those things that you should have talked about before that, Mary. Well, apparently they did. That was all issues. Like, honey, I thought we're going to change it. And he's like, well, no, change your plan. Whatever. He's not as graceful of a haircutting name. So like, I don't want to ruin my business. Like, who wants to get their hair cut by a Ramsey? Like, look at you, you're a Ramsey. You never cut your hair unless I make you. Oh, how dare you? Let's face it also. The name Brandon Ramsey sounds exactly like a porn name. It does. But I mean, literati or whatever. Liberati also. It's like, you know what, how about let's just start a new tradition. When gay people get married, they should just make up their own name. And we'll just start little gay family trees. They'll be shorter. They won't have as many branches. But, you know, everyone loves the Charlie Brown Christmas. It'll just be like that little tree with a couple of little branches on it that people change the name of every year, just to keep it fresh. I feel like there's a tradition in LA of ridiculous quote unquote celebrity hair stylist that just named themselves and then have billboards with themselves. Like that guy, Chaz Dean, who I think was even featured on what's called Flipping Out. He has billboards all around the city. And it's like him with his plastic surgery face and flat ironed hair. Which, by the way, why do so many hairdressers have terrible hair? And it's just like Chaz Dean's studio. I'm like, please, take your narcissistic ass off this billboard. I'd rather see like Adriana's insurance instead. Well, it's like when you go to a car dealership and you're looking at nice cars and then you see your salesman drive away in like a pinto. You're way this second. Yeah, getting suckered here. Yeah, Chaz Dean is hilarious. He has this picture all over town and he takes different shots like every season. And the current one is him facing profile and being very serious. And it's kind of a sepia black and white thing. I'm like, wow, a profile ponytail pick. I'm not sure what this means, but it's really awful. If people could see these Chaz Dean billboards, it's awful. And I don't know if they're placed next to those ones that say, grinder, Facebook, chlamydia, Tinder, herpes. But they're always close to that billboard. They're always close to like some gay sex billboard. Well, they're always like the cheap billboards. Like it's the one that's like on Western Santa Monica Boulevard, where the billboard real estate is really cheap. Yeah, it's like Chaz and STD billboard and then like a new show on oxygen. So anyway, but I still like Craig and Brandon the most out of all these couples. I think they still seem really sweet. Even if they are a little precious, they do see sweet. I like them too. They make me laugh. I didn't know I was marrying someone who was going to refuse to take my name, honey. And then he does that pout thing. He's like, hmm, like looking at him with a pout. Liberati is like, no. You are not changing Liberati, Ben. So next up, we have the saddest couple in the punch. I would have to say saddest for me at least, which is Adonis and Dead Eyes. Oh my God. Dead Eyes is a great name for Erica. Oh, she's just poor thing. She went in like out of hotel room for a night or somewhere. And she comes out and she's like, well, I decided that Adonis like he really loves me. And you know, I love him because obviously when we met each other, like he was handsome and charming. And then now like, I don't want to be alone. So I'm going to forgive him. Like, what did you hear yourself? She's like, that's basically what it was. She's like, I just don't want to start over. And she even said she even did the classic rationalization thing, which is that she goes, it actually takes a lot of courage to tell someone two days before your wedding that you slept with 14 prostitutes. So, you know, I really applaud him for trying to grow. I'm like, what? How could I not marry someone? He's so courageous. I mean, we have 25 people flying in for this. We can't cancel it now. Courage is still good, even if it's like years and years too late. Yeah, it's like the war is lost. But now someone finally gets a nerve to like shoot a Nazi. Like, it's over. Actually, we won that one. Okay, bad history. So, um, she, whoever she's talking to on the phone goes, you know, Erica, you really should just pray about it. Do what God says. I'm so sure God's like, well, 14 Brazilian hookers. I mean, it could have been worse. He could have gone for a full 20, but he didn't marry him. Says the Bible. God's like, I'm bored. Let's just see what happens if these two get together. God's like, if I tell you not to marry him, you're not going to be on newlyweds. And I love that fucking show. So, yeah, marry him. Marry anyway. Yes, they get married and then like Adonis's dad brings like his wife and his girlfriend. Well, actually even before that, they both of them didn't make a prepare vows. So Adonis's vow was like, um, Erica, I love you. Okay. And I really treasure you. Okay. And I'm always going to charge you. Okay. So just remember that I love you. Okay. My God, that's really romantic. It's like Erica, next time I fuck a Brazilian hooker, I'm going to not kiss her because I respect you. She's like, oh, yeah, that was so romantic. I do because if I don't, I'm just going to be standing here alone in the rain. And God, geez, he said sack. And then for the reception, they really had spaghetti and chicken. I didn't even notice that. Oh my God. Did they? Jesus. Cause she said right before this talk, she's like, well, I'm just going over the food for the wedding. What do you want? And he's like, I wanted to tell you about being 14 hookers. And she's like, no, what do you want for food at the wedding? And he's like, oh, I don't care. Like spaghetti and chicken. Yeah. And she really got spaghetti and chicken. So, so terrible. So they're so, so terrible. So what other couples are, so how'd that end? They just got married. Oh, no. So what happened is that the dad, the dad, his dad, his swinger dad came and brought his wife and his girlfriend. And so there wasn't a seat for the girlfriend. And so Erica was getting annoyed because he was standing there and causing kind of, he's causing like, not even really causing a scene. He just was standing there, like waiting to figure out where to sit. And then she's like, he's still standing though. He's still standing there, Adonis. And Donald's like, we're not going to talk about this. We're not going to talk about this. And then they started to get into a fight at their own reception. And I was like, this, this marriage is off to a great start. You can't resent the man who took your husband to bang 14 Brazilian hookers when you're actually married to the man who banged 14 hookers. That's called some misplaced blame. I mean, what are you worried about running out of spaghetti? Get out of here. Fucking spaghetti catering. Anybody should be invited. They should just put an ad in the fucking thrifty nickel and just let anybody come serving spaghetti at your wedding. So then the last couple is Robin Rochelle, who I actually really liked them too. They're kind of funny. They're both hot. Is this Jay-Z and Beyonce? Yeah, yeah. I kind of felt bad for them because basically the show didn't bother to give them a camera crew into the final scene. Their entire storyline was shot on their cell phone on "couple cam." And it was basically them just assembling furniture. And the weird thing was that they were moving to a bigger apartment. And they're like, we need to move to an adult apartment. It's like a big boy apartment. And so they just move like a floor down in their building. And I'm like, this doesn't feel like, it feels like a lateral move. It's like the same building. It's like maybe a little bit larger. It's like literally a lateral move. Like, well, we wanted a door on the other side of the living room. So we moved across the hall. It's working for us. He's wearing jorts. They're fighting over a key for furniture, but then they laugh. And then they keep filming themselves like you're saying. And then they shoot this selfie video in bed having a sex talk, which is odd, like, hey, we need to do a scene. Let's talk about how we don't fuck each other anymore. And she's like, okay, sounds great. Get out your iPhone. So they record this. And she's like, I tried to have sex with you. And then you started eating instead. Eating like spaghetti. Yeah, he's like, spaghetti looked really good. And he goes, yeah, but you've also been working all day, you know? I'm like, there's a difference between men and women because men are like a shiny, gleaming mountain. And we're always ready to be climbed. But a woman is like a musty, stinky, dirty, dank cave. And if you go in there, it's going to stink. And it's probably going to have a bunch of bat poop in it. And then she's like, um, gross. And have you ever smelled a mountain? And I was like, you two are so stupid. Mountains smell good. And you're still comparing her to a gaping, wide open, frigid cave. Yeah. What the hell? The last-- And then later in the episode, he then complains like, I think we need to have like more like sex. Because we're not having enough sex. I'm like, well, she was ready for it earlier. You're the one when you got in the bowl of pasta. Yeah, if you guys want more sex, you need to stop having food in the house. You shouldn't be eating that food anyway. He's got lovely abs. Don't lose them. Never lose your looks, Rob Bran. They're very important if you're going to be Jay-Z. He's gotten by on his looks for years, darling. Jay, what a handsome devil. Uh, gay changed name to Ramsay. OK, dumbass, I know he can be a great man. God, did we make it through this whole thing? Yeah. Isn't there another couple? No, that was it. It's just that like, there's four couples. It takes up a lot of real estate of the show. And it just, it cuts back and forth between all of them. You know, every scene is like chopped up into four, four little bits. It's like, Rob and Rochelle are like, I can't put together this chair. And then it like, does the like the flickering thing? Like, and then you go to like Adonis being an Erica, and I could be like, oh, I think we can fit 50 chairs back here. I'm like, well, you should have figured that out about before the day, before your, your wedding. And then like flickers back to them and be like, well, we've built a chair and the flickers back to like, honey, we're camping and the flickers back. Like, let's make another table. It's good. It's ping pong's round. I do like this show though. I'm glad we're watching it instead of workout. Yeah, I, I, I'm enjoying it too. And I enjoy that we don't have to take notes for it. I don't think anybody has said Bram yet. I'm not it's coming soon. Cause I'm Rachelle's working on her fashion empire brand. Oh yeah. Well, and I'm sure Greg too will say something about his like, working out brand. Well, actually Brandon was close to it. First of all, his name is Brandon. And second of all, second of all, he liked didn't want to change the Liberati name because of his work stuff. Well, that's true. But I think a lot of that are just like old ads from frontiers that old queens might have lying around their house. And he doesn't want to have to like, rebuy all those ads, you know. Yeah, I just, I like Brandon a lot. I feel like I don't feel like he is performing for the cameras as much. I feel like he's actually being pretty real. I feel like some of the others are trying to be clever and funny and silly on camera. And I think that Brandon has let down his guard faster than the other so far. Well, not yet because we haven't really watched him have a true breakdown yet. He had his like, I don't want to hold hands in front of people, even though I knew we were coming here kind of breakdown. But I don't believe that's real. I think his breakdown is going to come over something like hair in the clog. You know, like hair in the dragon or something. Yeah, that'll be great. And then we're going to really get to see him lose it. And his boyfriend too, Paddy McPowderson face who lives off of his looks. Oh my god, those two are going to be crazy old queen gold. And I can't wait. Yeah, spin it boys, spin it, spin it. All right, well, I think that's it. That's good. Close it all now, Ben. Close it all now. Well, everyone, thanks for listening. We love you deeply. We will be back with more stuff next week, which will be some real housewives of Atlanta and Vanderpump rules. And what else? Maybe some top chef. Top chef has been on hiatus for a little bit, so it comes back tonight. So maybe we'll talk about it next week. And you know all that good stuff. You can listen to us on Patreon. Well, not listen to us. You can support us on patreon, patreon.com/watchworkraphens. Subscribe to us on iTunes. If you're not subscribing to us on iTunes, well, why not go ahead and do it? Because then this episode will just appear in your iTunes library all by itself. You don't have to do anything. It'll just be there. It also helps us grow our podcast because then it will make us go up the rankings. And then people will see it, and we will click on it, and we will grow. And then Facebook, facebook.com/watchworkraphens. That's it. So everyone, thanks so much for listening. And we will talk to you later. Bye! If you like watch what craphens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com. /survey. 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