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Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Today's episode is sponsored by Casper. Get $50 towards any mattress purchased by visiting www.casper.com/crapins and using the promo code Crapins. Casper, an obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price. Just the right sink, just the right bounds. Two technologies, latex foam and memory foam, come together for better nights and brighter days. It's a risk-free trial and return prowess, say you guys. Try sleeping on a Casper for 100 days with free delivery and painless returns. Matrices made in America. $500 for a twin-sized mattress and $950 for a king-sized mattress. Comparing that to interest free averages, that's an outstanding price point. Yeah, guys, I actually have a Casper. I actually bought it back in September and I have loved it. I have been sleeping so well. You know, when they talk about that premium latex foam and memory foam, I'm not saying this just as a shill because they are an advertiser. I love my Casper and I tell everyone about it. So everyone, get on board. Yeah, Ben loves it so much that he actually bought it with his own money. Yeah, I get $50 towards any mattress purchased by visiting www.cosper.com/cropins and using our promo code Crapins, terms and conditions. Apply! Watch what Crapins, watch what Crapins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that Crapins? Who cares what happens when there's so much that Crapins? Hey, everyone. Welcome to Watch what Crapins. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. It's our favorite thing. I'm Ben Mandelker from BesideBlog.com and the banter blender and joining me, as always, not from a Casper mattress, but from Couchdesk is the wonderful and hilarious and super comfortable. Ronnie Karam from trashtalktv.com. Hi, Ronnie. Hello, Benjamin. Hello, everybody. How are you doing on this chilly day in Los Angeles? I'm doing so good. I moved Couchdesk right next to the heater, and I'm just sitting here in shorts and flip-flops in front of the heater like a crazy person. Yeah, when I walk down to Ralph's, just now to get my Starbucks iced coffee, I was like, "It is cold, and I am not looking forward to carrying your cold beverage in my hand for five minutes in this cold weather." Now, admittedly, I am in gym shorts and a t-shirt and flip-flops, but you know what? It's so cold, okay? It's so cold. It is so cold, and I love it because it's more of an excuse to stay inside. And then people here are such wussies. I love walking. Oh, I'm stuttering, by the way. It's going to be the whole show. I don't know why, you guys. I really love it. It's okay. It's okay because, sorry, my phone, by the way, I have to apologize. My phone is making this. I'm stuttering. You're getting fucking techs over there. You better turn that shit off. I know, I'm putting on vibrate. You know, I always feel bad. Anytime, like, my phone does something or sometimes, like, they'll be like a notification on Facebook during the show, and you'll hear it through the show. You'll hear like, "Woo-hoo!" or something like that. And I feel bad for the people listening because there's nothing more annoying than when you're listening to a podcast and you hear the notification and you immediately think it's your own. You're like, "What, huh?" Nope, nope. Yeah, so sorry, bros. It's worse for me, okay, because you get the notification and then you're a bend, so you can't help yourself. And it's like this twitch where automatically you grab it and you're, like, looking and scrolling through. And, you know, if there's one moment of silence, I'll just repeat the last 10 minutes of what I said again. And so I'll just keep going and going. It's like this endless cycle. Yeah, it's got notifications that can kill the shit we mean. I know, you know, we should just do a podcast of just notifications. We'll just sit here and silence until there's a ding. And by the way, there have been already now, like, five notifications since we've been talking that you have not heard. You best turn that shit upside down, face down. Apple up, darling. Apple up. Apple up. Well, people, let me notify you all about all the wonderful things involved with this podcast. First of all, you can support us on Patreon. It's really such a wonderful thing to do. You know what? I was going to do a whole Patreon spiel today because I was listening to another podcast where they did a Patreon spiel. And I was like, "Oh, their spiel is so good. I'm going to copy it and do the spiel for our podcast." But I've forgotten the spiel. And you know what else? Now that we're time coding these episodes, which by the way, if you need time codes, just look down in the show notes. But we're time coding these now. And I'm realizing how long these openings are because it's right there in front of my face in numbers. And I'll be like, "Wow, 20 minutes." We did a Casper ad and, like, talking about another spiel. I'm doing a spiel about forgetting another spiel. Met a spiel. Okay, I'll do the Patreon page. No, no, no. I still want to do it. I want to know. But for real people, Patreon is a really great way to support the show. And it helps us in just numerous, numerous ways. You can go there. You can support for very, very small amounts. We're talking, like, a dollar per episode if you want, or, like, a dollar per month if you want. You know, you can figure it out. And you get access to our bonus episode, which is once a week. We do a once-a-month hangout with our listeners. We do-- Ronnie makes these amazing ringtones. And then we have our Crap and Mailbag. And you can submit to the Crap and Mailbag, which we'll be doing in just a few minutes. So really, it makes a big difference for us. And actually, the Patreon just came out with a mobile app, which is great because now you can listen to all the bonus episodes right on your phone. It's much easier to deal with all of those now, because they're, you know, they're private and blah, blah, blah. So you have to be a member to hear them. And just so you guys know what the bonus episodes are, we're putting a clip, a four-minute clip, of this past episode where we did Vanderpump Rules ISIS. So basically, Lisa and the staff of Vanderpump Rules confronting ISIS. And it's gold. It's four minutes. If we do say so ourselves. It's trying to, we start talking political BS, and then it just goes insane. And, you know, we could basically fix this entire world if ISIS and Vanderpump Rules would all listen to this podcast. We could save the world. And you'll find two terrorist organizations together. So after we say goodbye at the end of this podcast, just stay tuned because there is another four minutes coming your way. Yeah. So anyway, the point is, oh, this, I think MJ is getting her delivery of sliders outside. Could you hear that motorcycle? Sweeper is like Patreon, Patreon segment ended, sweeping it, sweeping it. Anyway, no, the last thing I'm just going to say is that it really means a lot to us. And we're constantly looking for ways that we can make it worth it for you too. So that's why we've added things like the mailbag, etc, etc. And we'll try to add more fun things. And in the meantime, we have to thank our super premium sponsor, Marvin Jay. Marvin Jay. Marvin Jay is our, he is our Thursday sugar mama. Yeah. Okay. So also. So Marvin Jay, you go a bit, go a bit, go a bit. Anyway, also, you can follow us on Facebook, superfun, facebook.com/watchworkrapins. Tons of content there. And then for other social media, go to watchworkrapins.com. That's it. That's it. That's it. I did a big Patreon spiel and did little spiel's for Facebook and watchworkrapins.com. How about that? There you go. And for people who are listening for the first time, whenever we do that laugh, that's our impersonation of Andrea from Real Housewives of Melbourne, season one, laughing at her own jokes. Her own terrible jokes. So if ever you're confused about things we say or accents we do, it's just usually an homage to something that happened about three or four years ago on Bravo. [laughter] Just want to clarify that. It's random, but it's brand random. It's random. Brand, it's random. I love that. You like it? That is great corporate talk. Yeah. I'm going to brand my random talk. Oh, and by the way, we got a request to please stop using our terrible Melbourne accents. I'm so sorry. This is so bad. Mint julep. Oh, lovely little mint julep. Who I'm going to announce in a terrible Melbourne accent. Yeah, sorry about that, but it's an evolutionary process. Does she want us to stop because they're so bad or is she just-- Because she's Australian and she's like seriously, that's not even our accent. You're talking like South Africans. Yeah, that's best. And I told her with a meal jerking off six times a day, he's from South Africa. That's stuck to our Melbourne. And now we have bad Cheshire mixed with bad Melbourne, mixed with bad everything else. It's like-- We have a pan English accent. It's a pan English accent. OK, we just-- it's a little bit of everything, a little bit of Cheshire. It's a little bit of ladies of London, a little bit of a meal, a little bit of Melbourne. So just be happy. It's we're all, we're all one. The melting pot. We're melting, we're melting things in it. So today we're going to talk about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We'll talk about Real Housewives of Cheshire. And to kick things off, you know what time it is. Crap-pins-mail bag. We're going to make a little jingle for this. John Costassel catches a predator in a child's bathroom. No, just rob a male. Yeah, it's the Crap-pins-mail bag. So we still have other questions that were asked to us. Let's see, Marvin Jay give us one on Tuesday. So today's we have-- it's just gloating up, everyone. Just don't mind me while this gloating. Ben's just checking his notification. Wait for Ben to swipe through the notice, Dolly. Clear, clear. OK, let's start with Housewives Junkie, who asks, OK, which Housewives deserve a visit from Krampus this Christmas and to smack with his birch branch for their behavior this year? Burch branch. He's smacking people with birch branches. Aren't we, like, PC-- PC-fying this story a little bit too much? I thought he puts kids in a fucking bathtub and drowns her asses and drags them to hell. If he's just switching them with a stick, he could be my meme-aw. Step it up, Krampus. I think-- I think Housewives Junkie is unaware of Krampus's power. Housewives Junkie is like, oh, that's OK. I'll just get, you know, like, hit with a birch branch. No, you're going to hell. Housewives Junkie. It's like that chucky doll. It's all cute. And then it comes to life and just starts murdering everybody. And then marries that girl from Bullets Over Broadway. Yeah. Listen, if Krampus is going after Tony Collette, he'll go after anyone. That's what I say. OK, who deserves to be taken to Hellmore? I mean, that's honestly like out of the Housewives. How can you even choose? That's a full bathtub right there. Well, Tamara's already in the bathtub with Eddie. So it's funny because I keep on saying Tamara. She did not even do anything that was that egregious the season compared to other seasons. It's just that whenever we talk about Housewives-- Unless you're a person. Whenever there's ever a question of like, which Housewife should go to Hell? And I was like, oh, yeah, Tamara. Even though I like Tamara, I'm like, oh, but she's obviously going to Hell. Yeah. Yeah, Tamara's the obvious worst. But I think that Vicki took her place this year. Yeah, Vicki, making up a cancer life for your boyfriend so you could sell cancer products that don't work. I think that's the worst. No, here's the thing though. I think that the problem is that Vicki has been recently dating Krampus. So I think it puts him in a compromising position. And she's been telling everyone to be nice to Krampus. Hey, I just want you to support Krampus! You know, Brianna does not support Krampus. She has to support him, you know? He's very important to my life. Brianna's like, mom, your boyfriend tried to fuck me and then threatened to drag my children to hell after drowning them in a bathtub. What? I need love too! Your boyfriend keeps coming after baby Troy. Well, you know, like, you all have to just get along. Oh, Brianna, you're just jealous. Stop making up rumors about Krampus. He did not tell you we had to take the sense of a leg. Stop it. Mom, Krampus is so horny. He's got horns! I say Vicki and Tamara should both be stuck in there. Krampus can drag it and Eddie can still try and be getting a boner all these years later in that damn bathtub. It's like his purgatory. That's what you get, Eddie. Weren't there some other housewives from earlier in this year who did some Krampus-worthy terrible things? There hasn't been some evil shit going on on these shows. Beverly Hills hasn't stooped to that level quite yet. We're only in episode two, so let's see here. Brandy, Brandy could be good Krampus fodder, perhaps. You know what? I believe that we should not kick a hoe when she's down. That bitch is like, she wishes. She would love- she would welcome Krampus. She'd be like, "Thank you for a bathtub." For Krampus? I don't even have an apartment anymore. It's been really hard to take a bath at the Y every day. Thank you, Krampus. Well, Krampus would probably just be like, "You know what? Fuck this bitch. You'd be sure I put this backtub?" And she's like, "Fuck you, Krampus!" She'd be like, "I heard that Krampus was- Krampus was gonna bring all these tabloids to Palm Springs and make fun of Kyle." But I was like, "Krampus, what the fuck?" And Krampus is like, "You know what? Fuck this." "Krampus, why are you stopping the boat?" I heard you told people I lived in Calabasas. You get the fuck out of my boat. You weren't going to help. Like, Krampus, I just want you to know that even though you're struggling with addiction, I'm the only one who's been there for you. Just saying. Before you drag me to hell, I'm the only one who's been there for you. Krampus is like, "Okay, I guess." And Krampus is on his way to hell like, "Oh, Brandy! I did everything for her. I made her famous. I made her a star. Not everyone gets to ride in this bathtub. She betrayed me." Meanwhile, Krampus meets Lisa Rinna, and Lisa Rinna is like, "I'm sorry Krampus. You're an addict. That's all. That's what I'm saying. That's all I'm saying." And Krampus is like, "Oh!" and runs away and hops over the fence. I don't know why it just dawned on me, but since we're talking about Beverly Hills anyway this week, what really got me about Lisa Rinna this week, and what I've noticed that it has always been the case, and I just saw it, is that Lisa's personality, I'm like, "What is her personality trait? She's just positive and smiling. That's not enough for me." So I looked a little deeper and I thought, "Wow, this woman is reviewing everything all the time. She's like one of those people you pay for fake Amazon reviews when you come out with a product." They're like, "It's five cents a word." And she's like, "This is fabulous. Krampus, you are the most amazing bathtub polar I've ever seen." "I'm all of your bathtub." "Have you seen your horns that curly?" "They're amazing." "Do comb your hair? Where do you get it groomed? Tell me everything Krampus, you're mine." "I love your huffs. Krampus, I love your huffs. My daughter's always like, "We have such a crush on Krampus." And I'm like, "Girls, I saw him at Coachella." They're like, "Oh my god, mom. Don't look at Krampus." "My kid is making toast." "Take the way and do one without a job." She gives Krampus one of her wigs. Now Krampus has a Lisa Renawig. Krampus is like, "I'll do anything." He's like, "This is not a wig. Look, I'm getting my bangs combed." Shut up Krampus, I'm not buying it. Be nice to Krampus. All right, so I'm really layered asks, "Which season of a Bravo show should get the behind the scenes treatment like they did for Beverly Hills Uncensored Season One?" That's a good question. I don't know. I still haven't seen the Uncensored yet. I haven't had time. I'm going to try to watch it maybe tonight or tomorrow. But I'm really interested to see another behind the scenes of Beverly Hills now. Like all these years later. Probably last season. Last season of Beverly Hills. Yeah, last season of Beverly Hills was good. I would even this season, because I like now that they all know the tricks and they're trying. I really love that they have the whole list of shit they're not supposed to talk about off-camera, because this show really has that more than any other show. Where every season there's a list of shit they're not allowed to talk about on screen. And then somebody, Brandy, does it. And then everyone has a bit. And that's the drama. It's like the drama is what they're trying to present and then what they're actually presenting. And this show, I think, fucks it up the most. So I'd like to see them trying to hide that shit now. Yeah, I think also an argument could be made for Real House. So I was in New York City season three when Bethany and Jill had their falling out. I feel like there's probably some good uncensored shit there too. Because the truth is actually over the years, you know, we've met various people. Like, you know, when we met, when we went on Patty Stanger's podcast, different people have different sides of the story. Patty Stanger was very pro Jill's errand. She's very, very pro. Really, her insight to it was that Bethany really used Jill and throughout the window. Other people have different, other people have different perspectives. So I would like to see the uncensored behind that fight. Well, everybody who's friends with Jill's errands, that's the same thing. Jill's errand, all she does is do things for other people. Like she sets herself, she's one of those people who's like doing stuff for people all the time so that she can get something back. And then her friends just pair it the same thing. She's so nice. All she does is do something for other people. And I'm like, what is she doing for you? Did you get a discount on fabric? Because as far as I can tell, they're like sitting here doing a podcast together. So it's not like she got you an NBC show. Drop it, lady. Cut the shit. Jill's errands an a-hole. And then she stops being an a-hole. People aren't going to stop calling her an a-hole. Buying people shit doesn't make you less of an a-hole. You know what, let's go back to Krampus. Krampus forgot a day. Wait a second. She's going to be tweeting at Krampus. Happy birthday Krampus, fun times in the bathtub. By the way, if people bought stuff from me, yeah, yeah, they could still be an asshole. But, you know, a lovable asshole who buys stuff for you. Well, that's true. I don't mind if Jill's errands that buy me shit on down. Jill's errands, I can send you my Amazon wishlist. There are several board games on it. Yeah, apparently we've pissed Jill's errands off the right. The wrong way, I mean. We have not pissed her off the proper way. You know, if you're going to piss off Jill's errands, you need to do it in a way that she wants to send you something. I'll take an edible bouquet. Like, I don't care. You can send me a fruit bouquet and I'll be happy. That means leap off, darling. Jill's errands, if you could send me a copy of the board game called Orlejo, I'd be very happy. Thanks. Jill's errands are starting to stand down. Just send us a voicemail and say, you know what, go fuck yourselves. And then I'll just use that as a ringtone and I'll be happy forever. Sara and baby, hurry down the chimney tonight. Whatever questions you guys ask in the mailbag, know that it's always going to turn back to hating Jill's errand. Okay, shut up, Jill's errand. I know, it's like, I don't know. I don't have the same the hatred that you do. I mean, I don't really have it anymore. I've calmed down because now I see that she's just so, you know, like, she just wants to be left. I have a place in my heart for her, just like Krampus. But when you bring her up in the context of what she can do for you or real housewives of New York, I get reignited and it feels so good. You guys are really, I've tried so hard for so long to get myself rid of this negativity and then it worked for a while. And I was just not happy being happy, darling. It's not for me. All right. Well, speaking of the holidays, David Gold has this question. He says it's a pressing question, by the way. It's the last supper and Jesus is going to invite three housewives, one will organize the meal, one will be the entertainment, and the third will betray him. Which housewives past a present will fill each role? Thanks. Love the show. Um, Kathy Wokele will bring the meal just so she can be in the scene. Um, entertain the other ones. I forgot. There's a lot of details in this. So who's going to, who's going to organize it? Who's going to be the entertainment? And who's going to betray Jesus? Okay. You say the next. Um, I think, let's see. So who's going to be the entertainment? Um, I don't, I, you know, I, I, part of me thinks it's going to be Kim Zolciak, but that seems almost too obvious. Maybe it'll be like Luann coming out with like, you know, her whole drag things, doing some, doing one of her songs being like, Jesus, so chic, last supper, the last, I don't know. And so you could be in the front row, mim, like pretending she knows all the words. Yeah. Yeah, it would have to be that way, because that way for whoever portrays Jesus, which would probably Carol Radswell, then Luann could stop her performance and be like, well, I can't believe you do this during my performance. Oh my God, please let Carol Radswell betray Jesus. That would be so funny. You're like, sorry, Jesus. I didn't mean it. I just thought it was funny now. Jesus is like, oh, I'm exhausted. I'm tired. Whatever. Okay. It's true. I'm a bitch. So what? Who cares? Um, okay. So then Lola Del Rio has also a very important question. She says, you think that Lola should take a selfie while she's sucking Jackson's dick and send it to James? Sure. I say sure. No, because that's a smart hoe. Look, no one wants to buy a car if he's seen it being driven around by somebody else. Okay. Like you can go to a used car shop and buy a used car. And it's fine, because you've never seen anybody else in it. But the second you see someone else in it, you're like, that's not my call. A hoe needs to be the same way. You can't just let every, I mean, even though they know you a hoe and you've been doing that, you have to pretend that you haven't, you know? Yeah. I kind of also, I'm not saying that we have to see it. I'm just saying send it to James, just to bother James. You know, because I don't think James would post it everywhere. He'd be like, look at this basic bitch. This is the girl who I want to be my girlfriend. Stupid mistake. But you know, the problem is, I don't want to see Jackson's dick, because I feel like it would look like one of like the tentacle things from Audrey too, from Little Shop of Horrors, you know, sort of green and thorny. I think it would look like that back pain commercial that you had Brooks starring in a few months ago, or that headache. What was it? It's like back pain. And it's just like a bald person slumped over. That's kind of how I imagine Jackson's penis. It's exhausted and you can't really do anything to your penis. Like you can't plump it full of fillers and you can't get fake milk. Yes you can, you can. There are people who-- Wait, you can put fillers in your wee-wee? Well, people do this thing. It's disgusting. People will do this like-- I don't know if it's fillers or they just like inject it with like saline solution or whatever. So it gets really big like an oversized pig in a blanket. It's disgusting. But you can also get implants. Well, what's the point of that? So when you get a bone or a burrito, it looks like a chipotle burrito. It does not make it look longer. It's just thicker and gross. It's like ridiculous. You can look it up. It's not pleasant. That's hilarious. So Jackson will probably do that too. Which brings us to our final question by Aubrey who says, does Jack's have body dysmorphic disorder? I can't remember if you talked about this in the past episodes. We did talk about it. I think it is-- Well, body dysmorphic order is when you see yourself as fatter than you are usually. Like an anorexical-- You'd be in better shape. You'd be in better shape if you were dysmorphic. Well, look, he's pretty good for a 40-something. I mean, how old is the guy? Like, he's got to be in a 40, right? He looks like he's in his 40s. But the truth is he's probably like 36. The truth? Well, what's the truth? How do you know? I mean, what do you do like this from his modeling pictures in Miami? We've both seen him in person. You know, we remember when he's ordained. He just has had a very severe decline in the past two years. He's like between the fame and who knows what booze and supplements. And you know, you have a theory about fillers in his face, et cetera. And he's got like-- A theory. Well, I mean, I don't know, because I don't know. Stevenence. I just think he just got fat in the face. Because I think he's just gaining weight. But I think that he just has aged-- I think he's-- he-- he parties hard when he party hard. It ages you. And I think he's been probably partying harder now that he's famous. That's what I'm going to suspect in. Probably also, because he's not modeling as much, he's probably let himself go. It's like when you see an NBA player like five years after they've left the league and they've suddenly got super fat. That's what it is. Yeah, that's what happens. That's why you should never be athletic in the first place. Yeah. Because then you're just used to being fat. Exactly. I don't think it's body dysmorphia, though. I think it's-- which isn't what you're saying. But I'm arguing with myself. I don't think it's body dysmorphia. I think it's narcissism. And it's the same thing sheena has. Like when you're only known for your looks, really, or you think you're only known for your looks, and you've used that your whole life to get stuff, and they start to go away. It's like you're desperately clinging. It's like your house is being foreclosed on, and so you screw gun the door shut, and so now you can't get out of the house, but the bank can't get in. The don-- the bank's going to kick down the door eventually, and then you're just going to have to pay for a door, too. Yeah. And also, you know, I think there's probably an obsessive quality. Like, I just want my nose to look like this. Like this. It's just one of my cheeks to look like this. And I imagine this is-- I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I imagine there's something in that fixation where you know what you want, and then you go, you get the surgery, and it's not going to be exactly what you want, because, you know, I mean, plastic surgery is a little-- it's kind of like an imperfect science. I mean, you can try to do this at these fillers, whatever, but you're never going to be exactly what you have in your mind, so you think, oh, well, okay, well, that was-- that got me halfway there, but it's not quite what I want, so I need to adjust it some more, just some more. And every time, it's just like-- it's an asymptotic relationship. You're never going to get to where you want to be. Oh, your cup is only half-filtered. Yeah. There's some people love it, Larryton. You've got to put more and more fillers in there, but the cup just keeps getting further and further away. Before you know it, you're just a ziplock bag full of wet cement. Yeah, exactly. I mean, look at Shino. She turned her face into a triangle. It's true, it's like, just it comes down to this point. It just gets so crazy. It's like, okay, I get it. Okay, your eyebrows. Okay, your nose a few times. Okay, okay, your chin. Okay, then fill it. Okay, I feel like noses are like the only-- I feel like a nose job is like the only reliably-- like, I don't want to say good plastic surgery, but it's like, oh, you want your nose to look a certain way. I think they've got noses down pat. Like, then why has he gotten like three or four? I don't think they've got it down pat. Well, I mean, I don't-- well, he just has, I think, a bad surgeon. His surgeon's too attractive to give him a good nose job, but I'm just saying in general, people get their noses done and they generally look pretty good. Like, not everyone turns out, comes out looking like Michael Jackson, unless they do it like a million times. But when it comes to the face stuff with the fillers and the lips and things like that, that is not where it needs to be. I mean, they're going so far now. Like, Sheena looks like she's had her teeth spaced, you know? Like, it looks like she's had her teeth moved to be more spacey or something. There's like, there's something weird. Like, are you getting your fucking teeth moved around your house? Because, girl, that is too far. All right, there needs to be a sign, like, those stop choking signs in doctor's offices. Like, if you see someone choking, you know, like, punch them in the ribs or whatever. It needs to be like that with facial surgery. When you see a face like that, when you have a friend who has gone so far that they're spacing their teeth out now on purpose, it's time to throw them on the floor and hit them in the chest. Well, I feel bad for the little Jenners, the Kylie and the other one, because they are like 18 and they've already gotten, like, a lot of plastic surgery. And it's like, they're 18. In 10 years from now, it's going to be a disaster. I mean, look at the elder sisters. I think in Kardashian, actually, there was a window of time there where her plastic surgery was actually pretty good. And although I've seen the old Kims, there was a period of time, but then she just kept on going. And I was like, nope, nope. Kim's plastic surgery never looked good. And it's because she was so beautiful to be with him. When you have such a beautiful, natural face, there's nothing fake that can come close to the natural. So I say you would have looked better if you just turned 30. I mean, that bit started when she was young. It's like Chris pulls up, you know what? Chris Jenner, just because you have the same haircut is when they were five years old, does not mean they're still five years old. Like, you can't just drive them around in Suburbance and drop them off and you need some alone time, you know? She's like, do Kim's nose again? I need to lunch without these bitches. I do think it's funny that Kim, Chris Jenner, for someone who seems appears to be all about the image and going under the knife as well as with her daughters, that she is still like, she stands by that Liza Manelli haircut. She really does. Like, you'd think by now she'd get some extensions. But no, she's like, one thing I won't change, this middle-aged lady haircut. Really? I know, like, your ex has been like, got boobs. Like, the least you could do is get a haircut. I mean, yeah, Caitlin's got better hair than you at this point. You know, like, I wouldn't even call it Liza hair because Liza's hair, I don't know, maybe it's because it wobbled so much because of her vibrato. But Chris has more like, linda-dano hair, you know? She's like, linda-dano without the emotion, because linda-dano would just cry on another world. I mean, her whole thing, you'd be like, you know, John, how about the days of our lives? But like, John Black is back on days of our lives. She was like, like, pour those tears out. So it's like the haircut, but not the tear ducts because I Chris Jenner don't feel shit. She don't so I'm speaking of days of our lives Does this be a good opportunity? Talk about do it real housewives of Beverly Hills Beverly Hills Thank you crappins mailbag that was good. Oh, you have to put the song. Oh ending closing music We're gonna have to figure out a shorter one of that Mailbag, let's see what happened to Dane mailbag Carol betrayed Jesus Vicki and Tamara were taken to hell on a bathtub And Kris Jenner is the non-cranklin today now. Thank you crappins mailbag made my day Thank you. I like crappins mailbag. I think there's always like funny like wacky questions. I like doing that It's sort of like it's kind of forced us to play Remember what we used to play smells like all the time on this podcast It was like our little game and then we sort of got away from it And I feel like crappins mailbag gets us back to the spirit of those games Okay, so speaking of smell smelly things real housewives of Beverly Hills So we were talking about Atlanta in our last episode and I was pondering the very deep question of Why is that peach changing hands cuz I thought they dethroned Kenya and made candy the queen, but I Rewound a few episodes cuz like life equals zero So I round a little bit and it looks like they're just handing the peach to different women to stand in the front each time So I guess everybody wins a trophy. It's one of those bullshit things No, not this show this show Lisa is in the middle. That's it. They're like Lisa the queen every time Yeah, well deservedly, so she's Lisa Vanderpump Well, they're laying it on very thick and I'm thinking everybody is kissing at Lisa's ass so hard this season that it's bound to turn I mean well, this is like foreshadowing, you know, yeah, well, you know, it's funny I was actually noticing that Lisa was holding the whatever she's holding and of the diamond and you know She earned that diamond. She has two Really popular franchises. I mean this one doesn't belong to her, but she is the star arguably the star of two Well, I'm not even getting the semantics. She the star. She's not the star, but the point is Vanderpump rules is It's huge for Bravo. It's probably one of the best shows the past hundred years and now Beverly Hills like she got that diamond until Kyle Richards can make an entertaining show about you know Going through her closet and pulling stuff out for Target. You know Lisa gets to keep the diamond I know until Lisa actually uses one of the fake diamonds instead of those big plastic shit things they hold because you know Lisa's like darling I don't need that. I've got my own I'll hold my own diamond Thank you It's like there's a giant diamond that she just naturally has in the back of her underwear drawer or something She actually owns the diamond mine. She's like blood diamonds for everyone. I lost another family Kentucky darling so sad There was blood all over this diamond. I had wipe it off She's like, you know Jack's he he steals vodka and he lies and he just he Fontenizes with all the people in the in the at work, but you know, he's a great diamond miner. What can I do? Jack's met the cast of shaz of sunset one time at our restaurant and he actually took all the diamond water and Filtered them so we could keep a little diamond dusties. I mean Jack's come on time I mean, you know, my hands are tired. He's just an excellent diamond So this show has gotten so good at camouflaging their shade that you have to really be a detective like your landa To understand all the clues that are being left Okay, the first is at least is being asked kissed by everybody Which means they're gonna stone her in the street soon. Okay. Mm-hmm The second is that Kyle scene begins with Kyle in the kitchen. Thank you for the back roles And it is love ya and a bra's two sizes too small for her. Oh and she's And I want to make clear right now. I'm not making front of a woman's now And I made this fun of the fact that she refuses to wear clothes in her size. Okay. It's the once us It's the running us to make this disclaimer once a season You always go after Kyle's back fat and then I always go and I always go all and then you always say wait a second Cuz you know, I'm a man who understands body issues and food issues and look nothing is gained by wearing a goal size Okay, get the real size. It looks better in the real. We can't see your goal weight, okay So anyway, she's at home in her kitchen and you know the scene is gonna be about her money Mauricio's job or someone she doesn't know she's talking shit about because it's never about anything real with Kyle But she has little signs. She's in her kitchen and she's surrounded by flowers and not one rose It's like any kind of flower but a rose. It's like Kyle. You've been trying to assert your independence from Lisa There's always someone Kyle's not as good as in her life She's trying to beat and I think it's so cute and funny. Are you trying to rose Shamer? Is that what you're doing? I am Lily. I think they're lilies. I think I'm Lily shaming her Nothing says fuck you Vanderpump like a house full of non roses. Yeah, right. Yeah, especially non pink roses I'm done. I'm out and I also noticed in the opening. She's wearing a Chanel bracelet But I think it's so fitting that it's just two C's It's like that's the best way to explain Kyle, you know a backwards cut fitness and a regular And then a cut fitness probably behind it that you never see named Kathy, you know who just weights down the wrist CNC bitchy factory Oh So anyway, so Lisa and Kyle they they're actually it's good It's crossing back and forth between them cross cutting because they're packing as you may remember they're going off to Tuscany Well, Lisa and Ken are gonna meet Mauricio and Kyle and and their kids in Tuscany at a villa, but beforehand Kyle or maybe at some point they're Kyle and Mauricio and all of them They're gonna go on a yacht in the Riviera and then they're gonna go up to London because Nikki Hilton is gonna have this amazing wedding and Kyle just keeps on talking about how exciting the wedding's gonna be and she's like It's gonna be amazing. It's gonna be like it's gonna be at Kensington what's it's called or whatever, you know, we're it's that fucking hand palace We'll be just all brand names. It's like but Hilton marrying Rothschild at the Kodak Theater London fog yeah Gardens or whatever, so she's just my white castle. Wait. What's her thing catered by fat burger catered by fat burger and wagamama It is British after all I was gonna have my I was gonna have my white party this year But I'm just doing it at the wedding instead because you know, I mean it's London and then the after-party is gonna be a bumpkin And then after that we're going to top dog so It will be like I've wanted to you. I've been telling the people the hot dog sideways for years She's like one of my favorite memories of childhood was Watching the little hot dog in the soda goes to the movie theater and go out to the movies and get a snack And I was like, okay, I'll get a snack too, and I just ate the hot dog I reached into the screen and I ate the hot dog man. So I'm on stall all of our ketchup bottles off the tables How lucky are we to have a drunken American here for us to learn lessons from? Here Kim have some almond butter. Oh God, I would love a crossover of ladies of London and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills I really wanted to come to your wedding, but I'd rather do it somewhere else because I'm not comfortable at the Kodak Palace Aren't couches. It doesn't feel like home. I want to be able to go through the buffet line and then unbutton my pants on the couch Bad news, man. The Americans are here Just some time for those gift shop to close. All right, put the Richard sisters and give sharp and close the door behind you Bad news mom Walmart's late. I knew I shouldn't have invited Walmart that damn family Trying to turn frowns upside down get out of here Yeah So anyway So they're going it's just it's cross cutting and then we go to Lisa Rina We have to talk about this cross-cutting because yeah packing scenes are a hallmark of real house shows I mean, this is like a whole packing thing and Kyle's like honey What should I bring and he's like what do you have a babe? You just have short shorts and like moon moves like shove them in the bag and then meanwhile Lisa's house She's like going over this pink fur and she's like Ken darling Is this London? It's nowhere. All right They're like loading up one of those giant boxes you put in front of your house and then a company comes and picks it up and Takes it to wherever you're moving they're packing rosio and do we rosio rosio Rosia put this in the box out front. Hanky get out of the way. Carl's got like a backpack headbands in it So they're packing and Ken is being such a drag queen bitch in the scene Loved it. He's like cuz Lisa was gonna low cut alone Kyle address because I mean Lisa is she's size is smaller than Kyle So it makes sense I was like you're smaller than me perfect. Can I borrow a dress that won't fit me at my nieces wedding? Lisa is gonna give her a dress So she's trying to go through something that will look out on Kyle and can't find anything and Ken's like darling ultra wear Moon moves, but I don't know why your father is that dress isn't momu enough for Kyle and Lisa you're terrible darling Go have Rosia so a mimic for her and then they show a montage because Kim's being such a bitch The editors put in a video package of Kyle and bad moon moves That's that's bad when you're when you are the subject of a mumu montage. That's bad You have pissed off the last staff member missy. No one is on your side then the next scene They're shooting her from below. I'm like you guys who hates Kyle here raise your hands Like our editing bay We've been saving these clips for years You know, there's only one other person on TV who wears a mumu and it's Homer Simpson he wears a mumu and a shower cap You know that there's one editor in that editing bay who's pissed off that they blew their mumu load so we're Still so many mumus to have So then yeah, we moved on to Rina who is like skinning a cat Let's just make her evil. She's just doing Lisa Rina is basically doing nothing She's like I've got diamonds Harry Hamlin bought me big fat fucking diamonds. Hey girls come look at the diamonds She wants to call her parents because they're sick and she's like well I don't call them enough, but you know if there's cameras here, so let's do this kid Yeah, so before they call it they're like well, you know, so we're not so depressed when we call let's watch a video of our old parents falling over trying to sit down and FaceTime for the first time Mom both fell on their heads and now one of them have some kind of head damage I'm like, you know that one of them has head damage Well, what I loved is that like so she calls up and her mom's like oh, yeah Well, pap, you know, I give him a pill and his lips fall up to went to the hospital And then we have to came back and went to the hospital again. They suck a cat they're up as penis I mean, it was like a big it was just like a big rope. It's like right up it have he's never been in so much pain And these are just like you know laughter is the best medicine. I'm like your dad got a cat that was in the hospital Your laughter is the best medicine for him It's a circle of life. We just have to laugh, okay You know how the Lion King ended right in a catheter Simba got a catheter And then he got some big fucking diamonds from Harry Hamlin It's my favorite part of the movie. Yes, and Harry. We'll be like Simba. Hold me up on a cliff and give me diamonds Those hyenas are too drunk to attack me I would love to be the stampede. I'll do anything you pay me. I'll get right into that stampede. I don't care So scar I'll work for scar. I'll work for scar. I'll work for me fossa. Whoever for scar. It's Padma We would like to speak with you alone Okay, okay, you know I give him my best shot. That's that's all I had to say I give my best shot You know I made some handy snacks, you know, I don't know how to cook I don't do anything Harry's always like you're a terrible cook enough for the handiest next Always try something once though Padma always always I Did think it was interesting when Lisa didn't ask her mom to run down to FedEx after her mom told her about the pills It made the dad's lips well up so much. She's like your father's lips are swelled so huge He could be a boat. Lisa's like, uh-huh send those over immediately Yolanda's closet no one has to feel guilty about taking anything ever if anyone ever asked me about what I'm taking because you know I love my drugs if anybody's ever asking me. I'm just gonna show them that picture and be like look I Have issues, okay. Yeah, I have trouble, but I don't have this much trouble. Yeah, blame Yolanda. What was Yolanda to you darling? Wallo so anyway And interesting the fantastic except it's fallow fallow fallow And interesting now that we there's one musical theater queen in high school who just got that you're welcome kid But you know what I just I'm realizing right now I wonder if the producers put in this scene with like the about the earrings and and Lisa saying how you know She doesn't wallow. You can't wall You just have to laugh and move on. I wonder if that was supposed to juxtapose later on in the episode I just thought about this now with Yolanda, you know wallow wing I wonder if that is the case I have to give them credit for restraint because these editors are cut fitness is and They would have put it right after You know, it would have been like we don't wallow cut to Yolanda walking they would have they would Yeah, well, they're still in there still in the part of the season where they're actually you know You know Respecting Yolanda's illness, you know, it's just sort of like an OC the first few weeks, you know Brooks Oh Brooks has cancer. They treat it seriously Then they just turn and then played coconut music every time he talked about his disease so so then Kyle and Lisa are talking on the phone and this is like all right darling I've got dresses for you and Kyle's like, yeah, I'm not going to the wedding anymore And she's like what's she mean? And she's like I've been disinvited and I was like first of all that sucks regardless What do you think about Kyle that does suck second of all this? Family is so fucked up. They are just I mean, we know this this is nothing new now But it's it's like a reminder of how dysfunctional and then they and then they show a clip of Kyle talking about her pilot and How the sisters disapprove, but I don't think it's just about the pilot. I think it's about it's not about the pilot at all It's about fucking Kyle telling her husband to start his own business when all of his business comes from the man who gave her Him the job in the first place who is Kathy's brother like Kathy's like are you fucking kidding me lady? We made your nobody husband into something and now you're gonna not only tell him to start his own business But also take his clients. Oh, fuck you. You know what? I wrote this in the recap But this family knows how to swallow a load all right, but they're okay with that If they make a profit, you do not take money out of their pocket. Yeah, exactly Okay, but you know, it's also it just also shows how petty they but Regardless if they're having this issue, which is you know, I get that a don't invite them in the first place and then disinvite at the last second be Just get over it because it's still family. That's a wedding and you know what like you may be pissed at Mauricio But like suck it up for one night in London or Paris. Oh, and who are you gonna have looking after Kim? I mean Kyle is so judgmental. She'll be look she'll have like an anti-cam on the bitch Yeah, you can't just let twitch wander around your wedding tool Rothschild in the middle of London Okay, that is just a recipe for disaster. Yeah, exactly There's so much dysfunction between between Kim's You know her addiction or her recovery process or whatever's going on with that between Issues with this real estate situation between Kyle coming up with a with a pilot that She was able to sell that you know, the others not approve of between all their issues in terms of Kim was the breadwinner growing up and Kyle is supposed to be the one that takes care of her But Kim has resentment about that and there's a house and then Kathy and all this it's just so Crazy, I mean, you know what it's making me want to watch Kyle's show Really why well, we have to watch it. I mean we'll probably do a whole episode of that when it comes out I have to assume that Kyle is not writing it so it's gonna be like the best shit since revenge It's on TV land if you ever watch TV land That's the show that gave the nanny a show and like cursed the alley that show about being on Broadway and headed to grow in and Had to grow a guest spot on hot in Cleveland hot in Cleveland. I mean that's one So either way, so Kyle got just invited all these juicy secrets It's gonna be like Kyle the biggest secret in this show is that you were not the star, okay? Yeah, because you know, that's the show It's she's gonna be playing the role of Julia Roberts and Kim is gonna be like some non-speaking gargoyle That just sits in front of the house and welcomes people. Yeah, and like she'll be played by Markey Post TV land is the Markey Post and the daughter from Elf Markey Post, please play Kim Richards. That's actually the best casting up I've ever heard about in my life That's really good Fucking Markey Post and Justine Bateman. Oh come in my court, okay And So anyway, so then speaking of TV land we then have an extended scene where I lean and her husband's been Patton go to Palm Springs and they reminisce about dickies dead and listen if you're ever gonna say dickies dead and not expect me to be Excited, I've been a waiter for so long. I've actually had to wear dickies for a lot of my life And I'm glad those fuckers are gone. So don't try and make me cry I lean But it made me laugh well, not that dickman Patton died, but amazing when that old person Old people the truth is that seven is enough seven is enough. Okay, so now we're really at the number up. We like no No, what I what I just really enjoy about this show is that it has evolved into Like the where are they now of 80s TV stars, you know, and it always has been like that to certain degree But you know and we've talked about this but that whole generation of of sitcom stars from the 70s in the 80s You know Kim Kyle I while lean is still working. But you know, but like what'd you say? Willis Willis, but also, you know, again There's like this van Patton's how they all know each other and they are all on these like network TV shows But weren't like superstars necessarily, but they you know, I I find it friends with those back tables You know after you stop being like a huge star like the year after even it's like here's your Oscar Okay, now you're at the back tables or whatever. Yeah, so it's just like this That's just where you mean all the X the X stars, you know, it's like back tables That's where you can bring your own flask and smoke your hash oil There's just like a whole subculture out here of these stars that were big at one time You know your Joan Van Arks and your oh my god, where's Joan Van Arks and I just saw playing somebody's grandmother on this show I just saw a picture of her like three days ago her face talk about plus she is looking crazy crazy crazy Perfect your cast someone Twitter But like all these all these all these sort of forgotten people from the 80s who were on like one show and had had a moment they just all are friends they're all out here and It's I Love it. I love that there that that's what this show has become It's like so much for Joan Van Ark to just go sit and pump until a camera catches her because I swear once a camera does that Stal Powell will be reignited over the skies of Hollywood Well, she was on the last thing I saw Joan Van Ark on was she played She had a role on some of the son of the beach, which was that wouldn't watch it doesn't count Son of the beach was so funny. It was so stupid. It was that show members like a parody of Baywatch She played the mother of this girl named BJ Cummings Oh no And I seem to remember she played like this white trash White trash mom and I think there's something with a cave that she ended. I don't know. I loved that show I have to look up her character name on it Then some of the beach I wish you would be on this show just so we could see behind the scenes of that people pretending it's a big deal They're like You play bj Cummings Ken's been trying to get me to do that since the 70s telling So oh her name. Oh her name. So bj Cummings is the daughter Joan Van Ark's character's name was I'm our Cummings I'm my Cummings. Wow. It's like I love it badly badly. Grammered sleddiness. Come on. I love it fan. Oh My god, and uh the black woman and the black uh the black lifeguard on the show's named jamaica sync, right So stupid, but it cra that whole show is just stupid shit like that. I loved it Um Anyway, so I'm trying to find back to back to depressing things happening in ilean's life Hey, ilean Does anything good ever happen to you because I feel like it never does Every time i leans on i'm like, oh my god Eileen should be so happy. She's fabulous and has this like I mean she was sees she played four characters at once on days of her life Four iconic characters. All right, and now she's just like, I don't know sad and like promoting youtube videos and then her Father-in-law died now they're in palm springs, which is sad enough You know and then her husband's like trying to do bad stand-up at the mic about his dad He do like a the opening of a hubcap or something And then his boobs are sweating all over his shirt And then you know that on the way back there's an indian casino You know, we've both driven to palm springs And you know that they're going to be stopping off there and she's just going to be adding another Work to her goddamn google calendar and the whole thing just makes me sad I I also just there's something also kind of inherently tragic about the palm springs walk of fame You know, it's like I'm sure jig van patton has a star on the real hollywood walk of fame But uh last time I went to palm springs, which was about a month ago I saw a drunk old queen Pass out on the street at 1 p.m And it was probably on dig van patton star Which is not unlike the hollywood boulevard also, but it's just funnier when it's like an old an old queen doing it Be careful because you know that's going to be me Like in the future. I'm never going back to texas or new york or any of those places I'm staying here forever because of the weather And then when i'm older I'm going to start being cold all the time and i'll be in palm springs Just like the other role queens and i'll be passed out on lisa van der pump star like Why did you never buy me a pump? Not a one And by the way for the record. I would love to have a star on the palm springs walk of fame I just you know, it's just one darling. They don't just hand them out. You know, you You subscribe to magazine for 10 years and then you pay a fee Just put me next to piazzadora and i'll be happy Piazzadora Put me in between piazzadora and ranking done I worked at a place once it was like a cirque de solei traveling restaurant from germany And they part they would park this tent in new york and it was really fancy And piazzadora came in one time wearing this Fur coat That had a train like we had to all watch out for her train because people were falling over it And uh jogging pants. I was like this bitch is crazy. I love her She was like, do you have hamburgers for my children? They won't eat this I'm like we will find a way, bitch. Have a seat Well, you gotta love naked gun 33 and a third the only movie to bring together oj simpson and anacol smith and piazzadora And rekell lunch Well piazzadora is really the only one out of those three without rekell welch I don't know what's going on with her, but I think piazzadora is Like the only one not dead or in prison. So you know good job pia that fur worked out for you in the long run Good job Okay, so anyway, also. I lien's sister died in her arms last year of breast cancer. Okay next The lisas meet for lunch Yeah at at hutchinson, which is the same place where christen and james had a big fight like two bco I'm in a mohamad mohamad must own a stake in that one because it's the only place they go on this show is either Eileen to kyle's forever not 21 anymore with eileen to or mixology 101 Or somewhere mama don't mixology. They always go to mixology at the grove It's called me. I see it every time I go to the grove. I'm like, can we go to mixology? And it doesn't matter who I'm with. They're like, that's the doucheyest idea you've ever come up like you're like I want a blue cocktail from the eighties Uh, so the lisas meet for lunch at what's it called? hutchinson and um, of course it opens because this is rinsing it opens with you look fabulous. I love your purse You're to die for are you from heaven? Where did you get that scan? Who are you? You just sparkles just full of life and and effervescent. I just love it I love every second single moment of it. Do you see my big fucking fat earrings that harry tamlin gave you? She wouldn't even because she knows she's like look i'm with someone I want to like me This is all about them and i'm doing everything I can she's like, can we can we order some rosé? Some rosé i'm like, come on lisa jesus christ By the way, if she if she tried to show off her big fat fucking diamonds from harry hamlin You know that lisa would just pull back her hair and she's like, oh and look at my big fat fucking diamonds in the shape of harry hamlin I'm actually wearing zales on my ears darling harry went to to buy this time of the retirement. Isn't that adorable? He went to jarred I love the name chariot What a great name can have such a good taste So where we learn is that um ten is going to be 70 and i was shocked that he's going to be 70 I am like i'm not even trying to be shady. I thought he was like 75 at least Well, he's 70 in la years darling. They start counting differently once they're off a boat Yes, yes metric system at all lisa's like it's a new country darling We're rewinding a decade because lisa's not 51 either. I mean both you bitches, please Yeah, but continue Also, so she's like lisa's trying to come up with a birthday gift and what do you get the man who has all everything So of all the things i thought she was gonna say the last thing i thought she was gonna say was that i found this little horse That's half an inch bigger than the smallest horse in the world Oh, wow, he's gonna be so happy with his second best horse What is lisa doing with her time that she is able to investigate Not only the smallest horse in the world, but one that's half an inch bigger You know lisa finally learned google and the whole world has just opened up to her Yeah Darling that tiny horses. I have a pencil erase. I make rosyo uses larger than this horse darling And what is lisa's house smell like you know, it smells like a petting zoo over there First of all, you've got the flesh room, but Kim buzzing around leaving silent farts wherever he goes And then you have hanky hanky in the smell of despair Hanky sad poops, and then you've got the two evil swans over there And you know they don't even chew their food because you know, they're well They probably bingeing like stinky poop in swans and they probably shit everywhere and blame it on hanky Rosio hanky has a problem. We have to take hanky to the vet. He's pooping everywhere and hanky's like no no They poop into a perfect arrow that points toward the sky And it looks like can at the front door because they know hanky is always looking at it At least it will come out and be like hell hanky Can't please give hanky more love. He's sitting in front of your statue again Now i'm starting to imagine the other swans is the robbers from home alone The little beanies and scarves those swans are so stupid because they're so evil, but they don't even have hands It's like let's cut hanky can't hold a razor Let's rob a house in new york with mccollay cool can stick inside can't rob anything because you can't hold a bag because you don't have hands You're stupid swans You're only oiled again drop the attitude. All right Every time they try to undermine hanky just makes Lisa love hanky more be nice to hanky When kyle does something evil i just want lisa to tell her one time i swear i will shut up about the show forever And never talk about it again just please tell kyle you're only working a shop girl You can drop the attitude because that's from absolutely fabulous Is one of my favorite lines and i think of it whenever kyle gets too high on her horse i'm like darling You're working a shop. Yeah, all right next clear Clear the unknown sister darling clear large mods for decent tea party. Hello kathy so anyway So the point of this little thing is that essentially uh lisa is going to bring lisa to ohio and they're going to get the the word second smallest horse And uh bring it back to l.a. And then then lisa rina is going to look after the little horse until it's kens birthday It's kind of sleeping between me and harry There's harry sleeping there and there's this horse and then there's me Can i pick up the horse depends get it that's a reference to the diaper i wore So now Sad music everyone sad music sad poncho music darling. It's a mariachi sad right now Because now your landa is with daisy her health advocate She's going to the all surgeon to get to get the gold out of her teeth This woman is gone. Batch it crazy. I'm sorry This woman is gone. That's and you know, we've received a few emails and stuff about About lime and people who are suffering from it. We got a great comment We got a great comment from one of our listeners by one of our listeners Is actually is suffering from like hardcore lime disease, which is not the medical way of putting it And she wrote a big long comment, which I really am appreciative for um Where she talks about how it's ravaged her body and her mind etc and how she wishes she could get her light back and I don't think anyone's First of all a huge amount of empathy and sympathy for her, but no one I don't think anyone and she wasn't even being combative She was just shedding light on the situation Uh, but uh, I don't think anyone is debating that lime disease Can ravage your body and you'll do whatever you can to get rid of it. It just seems like a yolanda at this point It seems like she has now gone down a crazy path. Yeah, you know, okay So I've been reading a lot about it because I also write recaps and stuff and of course I go off in those, you know And so I've been doing my lime search. I've been doing lots of lime search And so I understand a lot of the differences between the diseases and stuff like that So I don't even want to go into it here because obviously that no doctor. I just want to say this I'm not disbelieving the disease exists at this point because there's too many people there's too much going on To where look I love a conspiracy So if there's a mysterious illness, I actually want to know more about it and read about it for the rest of my life Like I'm interested. I believe in it. I ain't making fun of the disease I'm making fun of this crazy bitch and I'm telling you right now does not have it I don't care what anybody says. I'm a judgmental cunt and I admit it But I'm right a lot of the time and I said this when she first said it and I'm gonna stick to my guns She lying girl. Come on you guys. There's a point where you have to say I don't think she's lying in a vindictive way, but she's she's full of shit. That's it Well, well, so here's the thing. I think where for me the whether she's lying or not the issue for me I don't know if she's lying. I think she believes that actually I think that she's actually in her She's in her head in a crazy place. So here she is She's going to the oral surgeon and she is acting as if she's about to go get open heart surgery I mean she goes in there and they're not even putting her under okay, because she's getting girls. She's getting crowns She's getting crowns removed. Okay, she's getting she's going with the trapper keeper You know what that means on this show. I mean, that's like bringing in the big guns Yeah, I mean, it's like she's got a trapper keeper. It's not even a reunion This is that's that's crazy. No, but she's she's she's going in there Guess what guess who's gotten a crown removed me guess who's even swallowed a crown by accident me You know we can I had the mercury removed from my teeth all of my teeth in the back I had uh mercury cavities or fillings in all of my teeth the bottom and the top so 14 And um, I had them taken out just because the dentist was like, oh gross Uh, we can put these in there a nicer color and they won't kill you from cancer and I was like, okay, great And she said it's really dangerous because they Release all these fumes and stuff and you take it's a it's a big deal and a lot of people are doing it But yeah, that makes sense mercury. She had already had the mercury taken years ago This is white gold which first of all is hilarious and so Too much gold in my blood No, listen, I don't you know, it's it's more like, you know, fine take out the gold from your teeth Put in put in some porcelain ones. I just you know, she gets in there She starts crying to the oral surgeon. I mean, I understand a part of it is frustration But also she's acting like I just want to make sure it's not going to be harmful It's like woman is porcelain crowns get some porcelain crowns. It's It's like This is like not you're not getting a pacemaker put in. Okay, and so she's getting you're getting shit taken out of your teeth That you can pawn next month when you need rent money. So stop your bitch in. Okay, the rest of us wish our mouth was full of little Safety deposit boxes full of 10 tens of thousands of dollars. Yeah, actually I have to say I When I got my I had two crowns put in my back molars like five years ago or whatever And the doctors were like, well, would you like the porcelain one or would you like the gold one? You know the porcelain look more like they they're like like they're white They look like real teeth, but they aren't quite as durable as the gold ones I'm like, well, I don't want to go through this shit again I'm putting in the gold one. So I have like I have like gold crowns in the back there And I had then I had like a root canal on top of everything else and I went to the oral surgeon And the oral surgeon's like whoa, you got gold crowns back there. I don't see many of those anymore and I felt really cool That's just a stupid story. That's oh, you're long didn't she's like take them out before you die Listen white gold never killed anybody. I'm just glad that she didn't, you know Get white diamonds in there because I do not need anybody hurting that stock. Okay So I just I'm it gives you cancer and then Elizabeth Taylor is all like stabbing herself Well, these have never brought me luck. So but the thing is this I guess You know, I shouldn't tell someone how to feel but at the same time I also feel like Just be like oh, so I decided to go the oral surgeon because it turns out, you know The the my heavy metals are high and that might be contributing to it So we're gonna get them out instead of like I'll take my teeth out if I have to it's like you just calm down Okay, and then she goes she's getting this surgery We were talking about last week people who are really sick do not Maximize it to you Uh, they try and hide it or they try and not look weak and they try and stay strong or whatever Whereas she's kind of masturbating with the lube of this illness and I'm not liking it Even if it is real me no liking well and then and then she's there and then you know, some saliva goes down her throat I'm choking. I'm like, that's what happens to that. That's what I mean that happens Supermodel who's married two trillion aridster. Shokes get out of here. You don't have a gag reflex I don't believe the thing you say but she's acting like she's you know like being held in a in a tank underwater You know, it's like some saliva dribble down. I mean it happens to me all the time I have the worst gag reflex at the denizen, but I always like I'm like You know and then they stop it's like what happens it's just what happens to be fair Some of it is bravo's fault because bravo totally dramatize it for like in the previews for the season in the previews for from last week And then also they did a cliffhanger. She's like, I'm choking and they show her finger I'm like she's at the dentist some saliva went down her throat. That's it You know this show is so fucking crazy. We haven't even talked about what a health advocate is I mean the fact that someone is walking around with the health health advocate Now the what you have to bring someone to convince everybody for you Come on, yolanda when you have to hire a flak To advocate your illness at the dentist's office and then she's telling the dentist. She's like I don't know what method is in my blood. I need this method out of my blood because I can't go through airplane Things anymore. I need it out of my blood gets it out So, thank you for wearing a poncho. I'm gonna give you extra care today. Don't put another poncho over my poncho David gave me this poncho. Oh, no, this is just one of those spit spit drips Okay, then you get to keep this poncho yolanda So the opener mouth and just diet coke cans just start falling out like a broken soda machine We got the metal out yolie So Actually, David comes and visits her during this. I mean also kind of crazy like I I personally never needed to have my boyfriend come when I went into the dentist. Okay, and I've had all sorts of crazy oral surgery You know, I've had wisdom teeth shit. I've had wisdom teeth complications. I've had all of it I did not need like anyone Just you know, it's like it's just so over the top and he's David. He's he's just there He's counting down the days so he could serve the divorce papers and she's like Aren't you so happy? That's where married and he's like thrilled and he leaves With big wireless providers what you see is never what you get somewhere between the store and your first month's bill The price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets with mint mobile You'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again I mean how many times have you felt like oh, this has been such a great deal And then at the end of the first month you're like, what just happened? 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I mean it doesn't even compare aruba is a geeky gorgeous Please always choose aruba over errands home We know you can't stay on vacation forever, but a trip to aruba It honestly it just never ends because the happiness and relaxation you feel in your bones It just stays with you book your trip today at aruba dot com As he leaves he says no He goes thrilled and then he turns to go and goes no Oh, I didn't see I didn't see him say no. I just saw him. Yeah, he says no audibly. No Wow, and she I guess she doesn't hear it because he's on mike So only we hear it and then he sighs down the hallway and she's like smiling like David came Oh my god. I would like to present this route came out to my David David is my king and therefore I'm going to give him this crown One day David. I will stop mushing up the chickens I cook for you every day and we can eat them normally again like a real couple He's like, oh, go fuck yourself lady. I'm out of here. Yeah, but David looked first of all They're presenting the nurse or whoever it wasn't in earth the receptionist or whatever welcomes David in like he's winning a new car She's like and here is your new car. She's got this huge smile on her face She's like welcome to this Dense is true and David's face looks shocked and I was like did they tell him he was doing something else Because he's he's like visiting. I don't know like liza. He's like, oh my god Who did you hit over the head with the alcohol bottle? I'm here for you darling And then he sees that it's yoli and he's like, oh my god Why would someone let a sick person in here not wearing makeup? Fixer So then anyway Over in the mediterranean back on below deck We have kyle and maricio on their yacht enjoying all the food and the entire time in my mind I kept on thinking I was just imagining what was going on in the kitchen as like Bashing leon and kate getting angry and then kyle and kyle and maricio are eating this food And loving it so much when me was like been scraped off the floor She cheeks It's like stuff they cleaned out the sides of the microwave. Yeah So there's this is like art. I'm like, well considering how much you know about art Somewhat, but also, you know, it's not I felt bad for kyle because kyle's really good at getting free shit on the show like every season's like There's a fat burger thing outside her part. I like she's always getting every a fat burger yacht pulls alongside My kid My kid is learning to drive a mercedes bands from the local mercedes r manus store whatever So anyway, she's always getting free shit and I thought man kyle sucks So bad that simthia bailey got a free below trip deck and kyle didn't you know kyle's like eating ragu Out of the bottle or out of the jar just to get this free trip And I was like, I do not like feeling a mixture of hate and pity for you at the same time fast forward telling The problem is that kyle can afford the yacht and simthia bailey She can't even afford a figurine of the yacht. Okay, so it's probably like, oh, we're gonna we're gonna give it to simthia If we feel bad for her Oh coil so that she's out there on this yacht She only went to tuscany because they told her there was unlimited breadsticks at the olive garden I don't even know anything about tuscany shut up kyle. You know, what's funny is I think tonight at game night I think I'm gonna play my board game about tuscany. It's called tuscany. Oh It really is it's called viticulture with the tuscany expansion. It's so fun everyone You're gonna put the entire village on camera so you can get free stuff out of them. Oh my god You guys still have ponchos. I'm getting this for my dying friend I'm gonna put out the board and be like, where's the butler? So, um, that butler is amazing by the way I know well, I love that around this time. I think there was some cross cutting between lisa and can't arriving and I loved again pastor But what I loved is that again, the producers are totally throwing yolanda under the bus because Uh, they're they're getting there and they're uh, and you know, candidly so like it's just so beautiful and lisa's like I don't understand yolanda yolanda's ridiculous and then they cut to yolanda last year being like, uh You know every year we you know, david and i go to the amalficos. It's it's almost like a job now Like a little did she know that's exactly how david feels. Yeah, it's like i've been to yolanda so many times now it feels like a job switch my map Yeah, that was one of yolanda's most um tone deaf moments and the fact that the producers trotted it out again just shows where their intentions are But are there because see we're reading these intentions different ways these producer intentions Because you're reading them as making yolanda look bad and i'm reading them as they're making lisa look bad Because lisa's making fun of this woman on her deathbeds as far as we know, you know, look at go both ways No, but that's like the amalfic host i guess they don't have enough time for yolanda's drink or whatever They're doing it. They're doing two things that they're they're setting up Uh that lisa is going to basically be turning on yolanda, right? That's what they're setting up But they're also saying and when she does turn on yolanda, we're taking lisa side Well, the good thing about real housewise producers is is that they're such fickle bitches They want look at the end when you've got a producer on your side everybody loses It's fair. It's very fair even scoring in this game because at the end no one wins Yeah, so then anyway, uh kyle and the family get off the yacht and uh porsha's rented a honey I'm about to fuck somebody else car. Yeah. Yeah. Mauricio has you mean What did I say? You said kyle. Oh sire kyle is kyle is busy getting porsha off the gangplank She's like benwa could you get porsha for me? I'm like why don't you just pick up your own daughter Benwa benwa i'm like who's benwa darling i was like whoo look who came up Um and then there was just like an extended Sequence of tuscany porn it was like driving to the countryside and looking at the vineyards And looking at the little houses and here's the villa and i'm like, oh, I can't wait to play my dust my tuscany board game It's just like the board game. Oh, I love how our brains are so similar and so different You're looking at the beautiful scenery and i'm like sitting there Just waiting for kyle to wear something terrible because I know it's coming and then sure enough She's like welcome to our beautiful villa that we've rented our villa slash mansion. They have air conditioning, right? I'm like you're in hittily shut up. No, they don't probably and you're also sharing the bathroom with all of your neighbors Have fun, bitch. But anyway, she's walking around the house and i'm like, oh god. She's gonna put on something terrible Short short fucking short short unit hard. What do you call them when they're all one piece? Jumper short jumper to jumper short short jumper Creasing up her Huha with a possible peace stain loved it couldn't have planned it better I'd like to say thank you to kyle richards and david my love And then all she did was complain about um grasshoppers so then um So then we have loud Nor the shop grasshoppers and preferably hills we butted him down with the chamber of commerce Yeah, grasshoppers wanted to build a subway and we said no get out of here So kyle is making a huge effort to be friends with lisa this year She needs lisa back on her side so people will stop throwing things at her from gay pride floats Well, they've been not That was achieved last year because of the indos because brownie You know kyle's a shady bitch and everyone knows it and no one's gonna forgive kyle for a little while So kyle's like really trying hard. She gets a villain tuscany that lisa comes to obviously She even bought a lisa floppy hat of course in her own color. It wasn't pink Um, there were a lot of signs pointing to her making an effort. I thought it was really nice It was it was really nice. Speaking of making an effort Uh, there's champagne. I mean rosé champagne. Come on I was gonna say I was gonna talk about uh lisa and aileen then going to visit yolanda unless i skip for a go for it No, I just had to say rosé champagne because it's really big and bold with pink I don't know why it was so important, but there you have it. It's a song isn't rosé rosé champagne performing at mickies tonight I think so. I think I think that's where she's performing Um, so lisa and lisa rina and aileen go visit yolanda and it's like so they show up And I love like in the entryway is the v magazine. It's v magazine writers at w v whatever one of those and you know is that famous cover that had bella and ji ji on it And they're like, oh look at them. I love how they both look so different. They look so different so beautiful and anwar The other one I thought that magazine was so sad because it's like look at bella's beautiful nude photos And then look at these other girl look at these pictures of this other girl Who's in lingerie with her face crossed out in red marker like all those people from revenge. Yeah Gigi that's the other one Oh, Gigi is the one. Yeah, you I am. I am so angry at the other one. She infiltrated Gigi's photoshoots She was the other one. I told the other one don't enter the w and what does she do? She gets a room there and now she's on the cover I do milk from Gigi's picture. I don't want her to see it I am so happy because they put the mailing sticker on top of the other one's face Because my marker just went dry. So this saves me the marker So then they go in So when we first met Yolanda on this show, she was showing off her fantabulous refrigerator That was three stories high and had glass doors and all these impeccably organized Lemons and produce etc. Now Her version of the refrigerator is her medicine closet Which is impeccably organized with every single drug known to cvs There's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. I mean, what the hell there's tons of bottle in there It looks like the weed dispensary. I mean Pfizer Pfizer has nothing on Yolanda's closet All right, I'm sorry. You're not feeling good. Take a wall grains Then at lunch I want you to take two cvs and wash it down with the right aid. All right, honey. Now go on. I mean this is You know I just don't understand like that's just too many medicines for the human body Not only that she has Daisy the health advocate who I guess is doing her job Because she's like, oh, let us stop by the closet and you can see the medications It's like showing it's like giving the house to her Yeah, and why would you do that too? By the way, I think that's a very odd thing to do is to say oh look at all her medications It's it's not a normal. It's just normal or more hospitality It's more suffering lube into Yolanda's palm dining and then you're on and then you know and here's a little thing that annoyed me so You know the health app gets like your friends are here and Yolanda's in the bed and she's like oh send them in They go into the bedroom like hi Yolanda and she's like oh hello Should we go into the living room? I'm like well if you want to go in the living room You should have been in the living room in the first place, but you wanted them to come see you in bed Wallowing. Did you not notice it at the beginning of the scene? They it's like ding dong Hi, Eileen and Lisa Rina and then Yolanda takes off her glasses puts down her book and pretends to be asleep I mean, what are you five? Are you trying to stay home from school? Okay, it's not the bus driver at the front door calm down over there It was basically like Ferris Bueller's day off It was like a mannequin that was tied to a string and like you open the door and it rustles It's the most lifeless Ferris Bueller's day off ever. It's like nothing happens Hey Ferris, what did you do on your day off? I drank some green juice and talked about my poopy's for five hours. It's like oh worst sequel ever Like Yolanda, did you drive the Lamborghini into the forests? No, I was too tired. I had Daisy do it. Oh, I drove the I drove the ambulance into the trees But I don't bowl. She's like dunk a shame. Oh no check out check us. I don't want to get any more lime Yolanda yolanda yolanda Foster foster So then it's a go out yo yo yo yo Yoni, this is the first time where our banter has actually properly coincided with your dog Bueller Bueller make you look bark He's sleeping right now and giving me a guilty look at the same time. He's like don't know it. Sully my name with yolanda foster So a couple more things and I'll shut up about this scene But no, I'm saying not only you pretending to be asleep your iphone screen is on Like they're gonna see that you were just on that thing yolanda is the worst faker of all time by the way So she shows off this medicine cabinet and then Lisa Rinna. Why would you show Lisa Rinna that? You know the last time she saw that was twitch's glove box. Well, that's what's gonna happen now, right? That was my first thought like Lisa Rinna She she doesn't deal with bullshit as as funny and as warm and as as sparkly as she is She calls bullshit out and you give her that that's like a big old platter of bullshit and she is gonna use that Also, I think if anything is wrong with yolanda it might be her kidneys because that shit has to hurt Yeah, what do you a goat like that's like a soda crushing machine who can take that many pills a day? I wrote down the actually didn't write it down. I took a screenshot last week of all these medicines Do you want to hear a list? Yes. Yes. Um, I didn't send this to you. I'm sorry I always forget before the show, but it's the poster board. It's the it's the Shannon B Doer poster board of a terrible marriage But this is about her disease. So these are all the meditative medatives These are the conventional alternative medicine done Uh, and medicine was spelled wrong and they tried to fix it, but it didn't work. Okay. Um Oh god, ronnie. I need glasses. Okay Lufa neuron I this is one day by the way. These are split in two days One is lufa neuron IV vitsi Gigi math collodio collodial biologes msm palda arco Which sounds like a designer. He's also like her friends Oxi slash mag so she's on oxie which explains a lot Nachenes chinese herbs. That's one day. Okay, then the next day. Oh god I I mean seriously there's so many it would take the whole show to read them There's that many for every day of the week Among them ebsynthium Avina sativa, which is weed. So she's on weave and she's she's smoking weed and taking oxie Okay, because I have only one question for you ronnie. I mean is she on reverse atrol? Devastrol. Oh my god Well, she is on well butrin Adderall which are both amphetamines. I believe Uh, which I guess keeps her awake from the weed and the oxie Corridicone hydrocodone tp and tendamax macro void bellasura. Oh, you know, she doesn't like that one It's my five hour energy Riffet men dill if you know All new pran I mean, it's everything but she does have a lot of good drugs I mean she's got Adderall and oxie. I mean I say you go girl. You're like a party You're like the party and the nap after the party. Oh, well, but yeah The nap after well, you know, so here's the thing It's just as she the women go to the living room for what looks to be a pretty painful conversation It looks just so boring, but they uh yolanda's talking and she's like, yeah, and I had a two foot long parasite. I'm like, okay, so Here's the thing lisa's like really where did you throw it away? Can I eat it because I love a diet? That would make a great bangle that make a great bangle for my wrist So Here's what I want and otters wear that until they save up for a bracelet Take it to the deli take it to the deli. So Here's My rudimentary knowledge of Lyme disease It doesn't involve two foot long parasites. Okay, so someone actually i'm gonna find it on our i'm well I'm not gonna find it on our facebook page, but um Yolanda and this is jumping head a little bit yolanda apparently was offended that um That lisa van der pump alluded later on that it was once Lyme disease has now turned to the other things Maybe it's something else now and yolanda was offended. I'm like Well, you you have Lyme disease and you have a parasite too. You have think like you are sick from You're sick from something and it might be in your head And it might be from something else, but it might not all be the Lyme disease Like it's but you wanted tea into my mouth because I got a hang you know from the limes and it was to pick up things Oh, I got a I start my toe from the Lyme disease now. I need to not appeal Oh Yolanda, I lean like well Where did the parasites come from? She's like, I don't know but they were two feet. She's like, oh, okay My sister died. So I'll believe you Stop projecting your own pain onto this situation This woman's a con woman you're gonna be stuck on the couch looking at her and her dirty ass white jeans You know like crying about the other one not doing well enough and you're gonna be stuck there the whole season Listen to Cody's mom and run something is just so fishy Um, I don't think it's a brook situation. I don't think that she's conning trying to find sympathy I think that she's really like gone off the deep end and and I think she she has these other illnesses Which are perhaps brought on by all the medications or these strange experimental things that she's doing Um, or just they're just other illnesses or maybe they're linked to depression as Kyle said But she seems to be fixating them all onto Lyme disease. I think she is just in such a crazy place right now Hey, how are you Yolanda? She's like, oh Look at you. You are so healthy the both of you. I look at you and I see helped I wish I had helped did you walk into the room because I can't walk into the room. Did you enjoy the walk? I wish I could have walked down the hallway. I'm like, are you serious? And then she's like Oh, you went too dick his funeral? Oh, yes. He was vonderful. Well, you never know when the time is gonna come for you, right? Like real life Get out of here circle jerko life. You'll know what cracked me up So afterwards Lisa and I lean get into the car to leave and Lisa's they were talking about oh, she looked terrible Oh, I was so terrible. At least when he goes. It just makes my heart so heavy and then they cut to Tuscany Speaking of hearts getting heavy. Let's watch skinny people eat pasta. Yeah, they're like poor Yolanda. Meanwhile, I'm Tuscany But then so then okay, so are you enjoying Tuscany? I wish I could one day see you again before I die Shut up over there. They they gave me the tuscany board game, but I can't even understand it I can't think baby. It's like look. I'm not gonna look at you with your mouth Pride open one more fucking time. So I'm just gonna start sending you my violinist. All right Here's one of the tenors from the basement It's like Funeral dirges So um so over in tuscany, so the women are in their sundresses looking on their ragu boat in the ragu boat They're walking, you know, they're having a nice time whatever so but then kyle and lisa start talking about Yolanda In sunset the crickets are chirping and we have a butler following us around with margaritas What a wonderful day for friendship. Let's talk about how full of shit our sick friend is Like what a nice scene, but you know kyle said something that I I feel like has a lot of merit She talked about how when her mom died for two years, she felt ill She felt like she has something wrong with and they diagnosed her with everything under the sun And ultimately it was you know, she was depressed and the depression was manifesting itself in physical ailments Which you know and she was saying maybe that's what's going on with Yolanda, which makes to me total sense I mean that's like the thing that makes the most sense of all. I mean look at it her marriage is falling apart Her daughters have two of her daughters have moved out and they're doing very well And they don't need her anymore and she has, you know, the other one Anwa who you know That doesn't fulfill her, but but I mean in all jokes aside. There's only such a good watch. Yeah, but her kids are growing up Issues with the marriage, you know I would not be surprised if she were depressed and all this was happening, you know, it's like she needs something in her life I mean, I'm not a psychiatrist as I said before but I would be really interested to to get a Psychiatrist or psychologist read on on this situation. We have one Dr. Julie Stark on Facebook. Yes, she did Yeah, lonely woman who needs attention married to two men who can't give her attention and she decided she actually cited like a medical Whatever passage or whatever code. Yeah, that's on her facebook one of the facebook threads So yeah, you know beyond beyond all that stuff. I just at this point I'm like she's ridiculous She went to the premiere party for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and of course looked fucking gorgeous because she is gorgeous You know, she's gorgeous and all salt up and people One of the reporters was like, hey, I mean you're sick So how do you look so gorgeous? And she said oh the things I have to do to show these women You know I had to dress like this for these women Like she was all pissed off that she had to dress up just to get everybody off her ass And I'm like you can't even go to a fucking premiere and of your show and take a compliment without somehow blaming everything on somebody else Those get out of here. You'll want it. Nobody didn't eat yet And just haven't done anything to you yet, but just you wait Henry Higgins just do you wait Um and just and just to jumping head slightly in the previews for next week Taylor Armstrong is back And Taylor Armstrong says exactly what you've been saying around here all this time, which is like I don't understand You know, it's a it's like a happy selfie and then it's a sick selfie then it's a happy selfie in a sick selfie It's like You know all these detective agencies are spending so much time like spying on people go on to instagram It tells you everything. It's like the mystery of life. I'll explain right there I did want to end with one more clue though Uh the season since we're all fake detectives on these shows now Uh my other clue that lisa is really genuinely loving kyle and trying to make this friendship work Even if kyle isn't I don't buy it kyle, but I think that lisa's being genuine because she wore a mumu for kyle and i know That's what i was thinking. I was like that is love right and her bra was sticking out Yeah, um bought it in kyle's color. She didn't even wear a pink mumu. She wore like a kyle mumu I was so proud of her. Well, maybe it was for a bra was probably a lot of time. Oh, but wait. We're not over yet Yeah, we still have a little bit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So the news is that I hear the end I hear next week and i'm like nah I said I was just jumping forward a little bit, but um so now they all gather for dinner at night and um kyle's like, yeah, well, i'm going to london for the wedding and he says like what I thought you were uninvited kyle's like, well, no, i'm now now i'm invited word because whenever whenever lisa is around kyle's family She says things that are gonna mortify the family every time last time it was like a joke about the dad's Stories about like sleeping with transgendered hookers and stuff in front of porsha And it was totally that moment all over again. And i'm like, oh my god Morio just got a blow drop from somebody in town like it was Um, well in this case. So kyle is now back invited so already that's kind of crazy Me and of course i'm going to the wedding it's the wedding so i'm going and lisa's like, uh, she act like lisa had three heads Yeah, and lisa's like, uh, and lisa's drunk by the way, which I love she's like Dying don't you remember calling me crying upset You know pulling out what's remaining of your hairline telling don't you remember that because like what? Why wouldn't I go that's bullshit. You know, here's what I think about large mod And then she starts going off about large march to the whole thing and then Moricio's like, well No, I'm not going i'm going to london but not the wedding but I support kyle going like yeah You told kyle to go so you take your fucking business cards and take the rest of those clients who are all going to be there motherfucker London well wedding well then can meanwhile then can start going down the entire table like you're going You're going posha you're going and here's where it gets kind of crazy Farrah is in the wedding now. Yeah farrah's in the wedding The two the two teenage girls are not invited and then the social unnamed and then portia is the flower girl I mean that I mean if you want to talk about but and then maricio's not going And I don't know if maricio was invited and he's saying no he's not going. I don't know what's going on there but I mean I cannot that is to me a wildly dysfunctional situation She meant to invite the other two children She's just probably like the rest of us and forgot their names darling I mean it's probably just two blank spots on the evite check it out again You know elasian melasia whatever the names are but um things could have gotten confused at the the wedding between evite and paperless post turning Maybe it was a facebook invite no one checks theirs But you know so i bet they would facebook got married to my space I was right there in the front row sitting next to elton john who had just rewritten candled in the wind for america frenchter in the wind Would have liked to know who what he never accepted my friend requests That social network boned out long ago since day in the wind So um you get the like I can't let french dou go so no but They told they they they say that they're no kids allowed At the wedding it's an it's no kid wedding, but then they have porsche there I like that's bullshit those two those two girls are old enough to go to a it's to a wedding It's just they don't want like eight-year-olds, but you can have you can have like a 14-year-old and a 15-year-old And that's so rich people. Please don't put restrictions on your wedding your hiltons Okay, everyone should be given a water fountain and a fucking their own wedding cake when they go to your wedding. Okay. Yeah I think that was I understood Kennan lisa's Confusion because it is such a that is a tacky ass Situation, but I wouldn't expect anything less from the hiltons Well, lisa basically starts dr. Filling it, which was so fucking good She would not like lecturing everybody like she's the family therapist and I was dying. She's like kyle darling You have one family then you have your own family darling And now that you've got your own if they don't want the entire forever 20 Not winning anymore by kyle and I lean to with her family In their Walmart. They don't get that. It's like Jesus Christ lisa calm down She's like you don't stand in the middle of a highway and expect large knowledge not to run you over Get out of the highway kyle. I was like, uh, you're drunk You don't care and what did Porsche do? Is everyone still mad that Porsche poops the pants do you darling? I'm like, oh my god. Stop humiliating this family Where's Benoit Benoit take Porsche is it the other one got a period You know the last time there was the birthday party at a hiltm. It's like, oh jeez lisa It's so embarrassing. I may be out of line, but you know what though I think kyle's he really liked it. She kept on saying we can we not talk about this year, but I think she's you really liked having lisa uh bash rickin kathy there on tv Yeah, she's she totally sicked lisa on her family because now kyle gets to look like a victim like I can't believe lisa would do that to me on tv Which you know she'll pull because she does it every year And so she's gonna look like a victim plus kathy's just get gotten told off on national tv Yeah, and lisa's still being nice to her. It's like kyle good play by kyle She's good to do it. She knows how to do it. She's getting better at it No, this is not using brandy. All right. This is not using brandy as a weapon against lisa This is using lisa against a weapon As a weapon against the entire hilton dynasty and she can bring a dan lisa's the only one who can do it lisa is our little nuclear bomb that we're putting inside the ashroyad Armageddon style to be like welcome to the new hilton pump the new pumpton When we we care enough to leave the light off darling because no one needs to see the face of your mistress here Sounds great. I mean Oh, I would hate to stay there because you know the maid service would be the worst in the It would be the worst in all hotel history It'd be like you're invited to this hotel, but the rest of your family has to stay at the best western Okay, and that's just how it is where hilton's back by So, um, yeah, that pretty much uh is it for uh for Beverly Hills. 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Thank you Sping of some tipsy bitches Let's go to chasha tipsy ladies in elve homes Let's go to chasher Doesn't look like that it looks like the hobbit set sometimes on the outside of there the real housewives of the keebler elves tree Look at that woman living in a tree She's a pinwheel So every time if you look deeply enough at these episodes of any housewife show you can see Uh the theme of the episode which I love all of reality with a theme storyline arc and this time it's filing. Okay These bitches must all they must do is organizing because they say the words Salt and out And you're ever in doubt sort something out all right Derby and you just sort it out Derby listening to me Watch your language young lady What you say You better not say that to me face game doggy Oh, that's me daughter talking talking dirty All right, you're right. I should get my history Every few minutes I hear up And it's job It's on dobby's mind must be on dobby's mind when dobby to when liante has me the dobe talk to I know it's on dobby's mind dobe. What's on your mind It's what we're doing about the band this week. Yeah, I think we're selling me to you. Yeah When they showed the previous they own the rue hotspot So Derby are you listening? I love affection You're listening The first scene this week is One day And it's basically intercut between maggali. Oh, this is an intercut No, they don't they don't interkali talking this talk and this shit was so funny. Tonya's like Oh, I have my book pal And shit went down and I was like oh clever clever. I love it all like Yeah, so this was boring because liante just talks like just like I'm here to tell you about the part I was following with maggali in the name and then tanya just like falls over a sleep. I'm hearing it You know, I think the reputation is just talking about so used to be a terrible answer Oh, yes, that's her her big secret was that Like what you're the most innocent looking soft-spoken tables after even tonya leave it tonya was like you dance with tables then Yeah, that's us thinking like she literally walks into ikea and grabs a table and just does the waltz with it Yeah, like a really slow waltz The table gets bored All used to make a dollar a night with my book step. I'm dancing with a table. I think I worked everywhere She's saying I can't believe she's attacking my reputation Tanya goes reputation. What kind of word is that I haven't heard the word reputation since I was 13 And I'm like, what were you doing at 13 that people were talking about your reputation girl? I was starting for my bot mitzvah. Oh, wait. I'm not jish First time a table that was doing and all was doing a bot mitzvah They started throwing cones on the ground and I couldn't nip let's move They put me on a chair up above the crowd and told the whole law. I thought what about my reputation? It doesn't make sense though because a lot of times Dancers will have a little baby voice because daddy issues. I wrote about it google it you guys hashtag justice but um A lot of times they have baby voice and that kind of explains her is because she's like once upon a time I was a table dancer What? I've never been shy about it. I've always been pretty honest about it It's on old my breath of my house. Is that what my god was talking about? By the way one of my favorite parts From last week, which I don't think we talked about it, but I saw it in the previously on was when mcgolly said like She said like yeah, you know, I would talk about your reputation to your face That's what I do. I talk about it to your face. I'll tell you about it when I talk to you in your face I was like you are in her face my golly When they take a feather out of me and they inject it into your face. I'm in your face. I will scream at them Golly you tell her girl So then um, so then lauren and mcgolly go shopping and lauren brings her little rabbit and mcgolly is like oh the rabbit and lauren's like What's wrong? We're having a robber What wrong with sweat? I've got a little rob I'm like you have a rabbit? What? Are you saying you have a rabbit? This problem would have an a robber Or I'm also going to have a bat mitzvah. I brought a robber And oh, you don't see the problem with bringing a rabbit into a store Maybe you could follow the pathway of little tiny poops. It just left off Atch who does that? Oh, don't say what's the problem with sweat? What's wrong with sweater? Sweater's while brah she has manners Sweater has pure brah Sweater won't poop everywhere. You know what? She's got manners. She's well-brad And then mcgolly having a fit. Oh, who does this? Who bring rabbit to store? Oh rabbit Oh, I don't get rabbit and they just show mcgolly looking off into the distance shrugging it. No one She's like, so she bring a rabbit. She bring a rabbit to store and I say whoa rabbit whoa Whoa I'm like, I'm like, what's up, what's up, what's up? You think of this lunch? What did you think? What did you think of this book party? This lunch with no words? What did you think a book with no words? I thought the girls got own quack will actually No, some people cannot drink. Some people cannot take too many drinks. She's like Oh, come. What's wrong? We're drinking too much. Well, yeah, what's upset? What she got to cry about. She's got a pet, a cloth, a pet, a house, three popular children. You've got three popular children. I like mcgolly. She's like, if she needs a sister, be a little sister. You live in a sister. You must act like you live in a sister. Reputation. Reputation. You know what? I say, I come to shasha. You behave like shasha. We're in shasha, and she's like, whoa, whoa shasha. I don't know. Whoa. So she brings up the reputation. She brings this up. She's like, oh, she better not get it in my face. Boom, boom, boom. I say, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, reputation. Reputation. She's like, oh, don't know. She said, talk about reputah shasha. She's like, let's go. Take us off for clothes. That's a rumbus. No. She goes, don't to shop the dark mcgolly. You want like that? Don't throw rocks. Don't throw rocks. It has as it strippers. Live in because they made out of glass that they paid a load of money for. And it'll break down on the head. And they won't be able to take the bloomers off anymore. And then they won't add anymore in mcgolly. I like mcgolly's response. She's like, she's a clown, and I'm not joining the circus. What's wrong with the circus? I am an auto joining the circus, huh? Lauren is arguing with everything here. Yeah, Lauren. Of course, Lauren has stripper defensiveness. Duh. So she's like, what's wrong with the table, dum, sah. What's wrong with us? It just be a bunch of flies sitting there, wasting space. What's wrong with the girl entrepreneur? I like a circus. I like a tent. I like a line. I like the bears. I like a box. I got my star born. And by like, I used to shoot clowns from Mitty. Lauren, stop talking now. I love the trapeze. mcgolly got so upset about this because Lauren's trying to like be nice about it. And it was making mcgolly so mad, which was killing me. mcgolly does what she does. And she just resorted to sound effects at this point. She was basically like Eddie Murphy in that Beverly Hills cop. i think she's more like uh like i do sound effects from police academy she's like that's who i'm saying that's what i meant she's like i mean black guys from the 80s she's like all i hear is bada bada bada bada she's basically going through like remember when you get like a Macintosh or something like that like 1995 and they're all the sounds for the first time you're like ooh it makes a doorbell noise ting-dong yeah it's like a casio keyboard i'm like do you remember when joe moved into the golden palace you're like no that was a different sitcom okay facts of love golden girls separate it's all the 80s are one big show in my hand but magali said two of my favorite things she goes into this thing and she goes you want to throw you want to throw rocks at me or you don't throw rocks at magali okay i don't throw rocks i have bolder you don't want bolder on your face she call me i say delete delete delete delete bye bye bye and then she starts making this window washing movement like she's in the karate game she's like bye bye okay bye bye now bye you don't know what to me to throw my boulder i don't you delete delete delete i have a one way to get to bolder colorado okay i have bolder now i throw colorado at you you want to do this with me look at your reputation when you have colorado on your face your favorite music is rock and roll my favorite music bolder roll your bump bump bump bump bump i'm delete delete delete bye bye bye chicken chicken chicken chicken ring ring ring ring baroque boom chicken chicken or you chicken chicken i baroed bomb whoa whoa whoa you throw a rock i throw a boulder and i say whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa so next up leon so we learned from somebody who works on the show that there's nowhere to shoot because this town is not like los angeles for example that or edlanta where we're like oh you're going to shoot the outside of our business fine ruin our business for an entire day with whatever trash you drag in here i guess they have standards they're still the enders standards so they can't shoot anywhere that's why they're always like in someone's kitchen or their garage or a park bench uh in this case i think it was i don't know it was like the ditch down the street i don't know that they're talking it's like me and it's like welcome to my ditch let's talk about a chatter it's on site good for leon having a chat it's the first one but it'll be interesting to see what she does with this chat i want that they're a chowder chowder fundraiser don't say i want to have another daughter well that's tarity in a way thank you for sticking with my theme actually telling yourself that you could possibly have babies right now is being very charitable to yourself okay you're supposed to be charitable to children who just lost parents that's what she's like it's a charity for children who've lost the parents and she's like i want to be a parent to gain like you miss it uh you know i have now this is so i was watching this like two in the morning and then i passed out and this is around when i pass out so i can't remember the scene very well but i do have a note that i think i wrote when i was like half a sleep it just says go have a hysterectomy oh because that's the big thing she was told last year she has to get a hysterectomy he's like i don't want to do it because i want to steal that babies and uh her friend liana's telling her oh you have to get a hysterectomy you have to get your veg sorted out it needs to be sorted out so she's raw leon's raw i've got get mother jana sorted i'll just need mother jana to have a bunch of papers that aren't making any sense and then i need mother jana to put them in alphabetical order so the part of the jana i need to get rid of me vagina nicola nicola come over here and then meet with me vagina oh what now mum i got to put her and i feel that about what and look at this big on thought of the jana though who's gonna do all this so m so then speaking of sorting so then dawn goes to her clothes for like 10 minutes of airtime you know the problem with this show is that there is a pacing pacing issue scenes just keep going and going and going and it's just like all right here's a denim bag i once got uh it's about i don't like the denim bag or you know what i got up with you leon oh that's so funny and then here's a strap i found these jelly shoes and i couldn't walk right the whole way because my flick was sweating i remember that and i told you you gotta get them jelly sorted and also yeah i sorted them right into the bottom of the closet bar good sorting friend ten minutes later here's an all the dresser found in me closet i like that dress too that's a good one you should probably give that one all right ten minutes later oh here's another skirt oh i like that one ring pops like oh jeez so then finally we get we um i'm gonna have frozen eggs she keeps she keeps going back her eggs yeah she's like i don't know for what a baby so i'll freeze them like darling your eggs already come up frozen don't like do your period is like one long slushy you're already an ice queen you don't need a free don't she's like if i don't eat me dris does that mean i don't have to get misdirected me instead it's wrong because you saw a donation dress get it sorted get it sorted you have to get it sorted out dorn you know what i need to get sorted out then my face maybe i'll get another nose she'll bloom in there she's like i can't work on your vagina and your face at the same time she says of course i can want tomorrow whit to get a ball up removed and i got a new belly button this show what hell is happening on this show well speaking of craziness so then we cut to ampika dress like a slutty cheater at an animal sanctuary and she's she's there and Lauren comes to join and the one's like i never know it existed i can't believe it's an animal sanctuary she comes in a ball guy she told me where we're going to sanctuary so i dressed nice i didn't know it was going to be a big room with dogs pooping i thought it was gonna be a club didn't know it's gonna be an hour of a sanctuary don't take these pooping dogs to a storm a collie will make sand effects all day and ampika is just like oh law is dressed like a blot of fashion week in london when it's really a blot of sanctuary i mean how many times do i tell it's a sanctuary it's like you could put a ballot club on the sanctuary but it doesn't make it london fashion week it's animal sanctuary this show i was cracking up because now that i know they can't film anywhere i'm dying to see where they're gonna film next so this started in a dog park and ampika is wearing a leopard print wenzi or something Lauren shows up in a ball gown or whatever and she's like you can't go money in the ball guy and welcome into the rabbit home so they have like a rabbit rehoming center so they go into the rabbit shop or whatever and then they're sitting on the floor of the rabbit shop and i was like wow this show just crossed every boundary and ampika starts talking about her ex she's like okay i thought my i'm like is it his name matt or mac or mark my my i caught my eye i caught my eye but i have a new mystery my eye today or rules maybe i'm in look maybe i'm in love with mac she's like nay darling sometimes you don't know because mo my relationships so i don't like far it's like going from a far house to a part if it's all far i just want everyone to know by the way that all my notes for this show have nothing to do with anything that's actually happening i just keep on writing down funny quotes a bit with your accent like i wrote down i have a far relationship and ampika goes lonese they're got up she's gone um they all just sound like he's very far she's got it with a far relationship you know it's like um uh and he's uh how we meet around hara mana pa this was so good so ampika is trying to talk about her relationship which no one will let her because she's fucking some married dude like no one needs to be talking about that on camera you know they're embarrassed for you darling take a hint so i'm a mistress she's trying to talk about it and then lauren turns it into her relationship and lauren's one of those girls who has like a really fiery issue with semi probably like um two way abusive relationship when she i mean it basically sounds like they beat the shit out of each other and oh i thought she was i thought she was equating it to a fairy i didn't realize this she was saying fiery well your tuck your husband won't start of a pond and sometimes they bring your car you pick him up when he's ready and you're taking back home no i knew it was fiery but i just found it it's a very fair relationship i don't lock when i have to stand and start gnarling to wake up on my whole spintika on the far right start gnarling so good so they start this talk about lauren because she's always talking around the issues she'll never just say we hate each other and all we do is scream fuck you at each other you know she's like wafara and so i think she's like she's on autopilot with this bad relationship sayings and she does lauren's like you say in my relationship oh man i unhesed like okay oh my for Annie and he's the opposite well like a bookshelf he's got bookings on the end and in between these books and at the end there's another end you know what i mean it's like day and night here's what it's like we're sort of like we're sort of like a word problem like i'm buffalo and he's arbany arbana and we're both two trains and when do we meet in the middle if he's going 60 kilometers power and i'm going 50 kilometers power we're gonna have a fire crash he's scrabble and i'm boggle and it's starts with a bunch of jumbled messy towels but at the end maybe we'll make a word together here's part juswazi and i'm jennifer gras and at some point we're gonna run out each other and he's gonna lift me up but can i do the left i don't know one thing we have in corps man is that whoopi Goldberg is both on a fuck at least i've had the time of my life i can't tell you what rode him on with my husband because he's a city block and i'm a contriblock and in between us there's a 10 squared neither one of us are allowed to comment do you understand and because i understand that i'm alone that's what i understand well let's get that sorted out then i got a mystery man and you know what i'll go have great sex with him and then i go home at crawl and it's very far a crawl i understand fire because i crawl fire do you know what thought to crawl fire then maybe you shouldn't talk then because you don't know where i'm coming from learn when we when i got unpubbed with my mr man i had to put on bollock lava so no one could see who i am what if her mystery man is brooks what if he's just like fucking someone from every housewife franchise ever that would be slayed that's sort of the yellow my mom i've got a trapper okay but i've got it all sorted it's all that so anyway speaking of sorting then leanne has a dreadfully dull scene where she's getting help from her kids sorting out dresses to donate which is by the way again a scene that we've seen many times in other housewives she's like all right everyone help me with my dresses they're like damn um okay what about this one it's like you're packing a box of g-strings for children who just lost their parents have some respect and also leanne strippers didn't name their kid lola might be coming darling well a personal highlight for me is when she put her little girl in a dress she's like it's Alexander McQueen expert at anabelle to run and be like Alexander you've just killed him in Cheshire this grumpy spirit of of that bitch will follow her wherever she wears it some some little kid is going to be wearing some ball gown from Alexander McQueen being like i don't know what to call today but i do so then i mean that was like a nothing scene i have nothing to say about it do you have anything to say besides well my last note was that leanne said oh i've got some sort of nap to do i hope i helped she was ready enough with this it's more funny i totally noticed her saying that all the time too it's so funny that you that you've been like that's like been your thing for this episode because everybody's in different scenes they're not even hearing each other say it they're just all saying it for whatever reason in this scene it's like that one episode of melbourne where pettiflor couldn't keep saying a freaking out freaking out and then it never came back again it was just like 20 times in an episode so anyway then the next scene is tonya some champagne i was like oh jesus christ have you people heard of anything did champagne just to make it over there so tonya and mcgally they they meet because tonya wants to hear mcgally's side and i love the mcgally you know when she you know when she's talking about the fact that tonya invited her to to lunch or to dinner mcgally's like i thought to myself why not why not it's just it's just there's nothing even inherently funny about that it's just the way she says it which is like you know tonya invited me i thought to myself why not whoa whoa and in her speech to to tonya so funny she's like tonya you invite me to the lunch and i say whoa and then i say why not because you reach out to me you make me feel so good because you tell me mcgally i hear you and i say oh my god i am like song playing and people here i'm tree falling in forest and someone is here to hear it so i just don't stop quiet thank you tonya like all right darling just drink your drink then she's like she's like when tonya called me up i was like ring ding ding and i missed the call so i wrote an email so i was like tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap on the phone and then then she was then she was like tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap and then we have you know you know you got that swipe left swipe left swipe left swipe left swipe left and then finally double tap for heart swipe right swipe right and here i am tinder well i love also that tonya's like you know mcgally is supposed to be written with i'm like why is mcgally a force to be reckoned with i mean she hasn't she's really not done anything that's like a force to be reckoned with she's raised her voice slightly but she basically all she does for most for most parts every time she's been in the group she just sits there quietly she's just that's i mean she even says so she's like you know what i see let it pop up up yeah and i see let it pop up up yeah and i say you know what i'll be quiet i just want to walk up to and tell her i'm going to make her sorry she ever said anything to me i say nothing this is what i mean this is my revenge i'm quiet i wait until her face is back i say to face third time face i say to the third time face not the first time face okay get it right get it straight okay boom boom boom swipe left swipe left swipe left no double tap for you so she's girl she uh tonya's basically hinting around yes she's eating my gosh she will spill the beans because tony already knows the beans she's eating the she's eating refried beans and she's like run back up what were you saying about the repetition of that girl and she's like you know i'm not going there because it is not fair to say because i need to say it in face and so i could hurt people you know it's not worth it the children have children face you don't say nothing to children face you wait for old stripper face i say to old stripper face i'll tell you that see uh tonya's like well my golly brings up the i feel like uh a child in a ground that people play and there's a play area people swinging from a bar and i say i want to swing from bar and they say my golly no no no you no swing swing swing and i sit and i look up and i think oh my god nobody like i'm not gonna say it particularly hard there are two areas oh sorry any no as you say there are two areas there's play area and there's reputation area and i'm a play area do not swing on my reputation okay i like i like when my golly said there's a wall around lien she had to climb very high very high that's so donald trump and i was just they have that i was just imagining her being like and there's a moat and there's a crocodile and the crocodiles go jump jump jump jump and you have to work with her you have to go over the moat drop which come down and you have to climb up later and then you're in the wall then you're in the castle and then it's a ring doorbell and you get lit in and then you're in my castle house okay then you walk up the stairs and i'm at the throne and i'm at the chair and you have to come and i say okay okay you can come in and i'm like whoa you made it there's big wall around my golly big wall she has to climb high big wall oh you you climbing walls no you don't climb walls like my golly wall you don't climb the wall around my golly you don't climb the walli of my golly okay you don't come into my play area okay and then tanya says well don't you just double the task and she she looks at her and she throws a french fry in her mouth like she spears this french fry in her mouth and goes like she just caught a pizza popcorn or something and then she goes no apologize i apologize for nothing i don't apologize for nothing so good i find climbing wall so then we see loran now it's time for loran to go through her closet with her mom and i like how uh loran's talking about her mom and her mom's her past friend and that her mom's always glamorous and if you ever see my mom she has always done she always has good high and then kept her mom and she's like i love that darling oh i'm actually smoking her mom didn't actually have as much of a accent her mom actually seemed to have like more classy english accent but loran's like mom i've got to put on super girl super girl costume here i come to save the die that's my mouth sorry it's a bad it's a plan which i love petula so cute so during this part when loran's telling us i've got fadjines although my mom's got hair always done like there's such weird words that they actually completely differently than everything else yes exactly there's certain weird there's certain words that it like because they're near liver pool so there's like a there's liver pool accent that comes through but then these weird especially with loran she sort of she sort of i don't know how you sit but like when she says things like five five she doesn't go full if she goes like five five five she's like it's weird stuck in her throat it's weird because she's so consistent but then it's like one word oh oh my mom's hair's always turn my mom's hair's so dune oh oh i was laughing that she's talking about her mom she's shooting your scene with her mom and her confessionals she is wearing this dress it's a little bit folded right where her aerial is and she's got like part of her aerial list i noticed that from her boobfold and i was like god my ariola no one come into your house and like make sure your hair is okay or like make sure you don't have a shiny nose it's like her fucking nipple is hanging out nobody said one thing ever because i'm classic i'm all bright i'm having ariola that sticks out normally the location scott's take care of that but since we're all doing it in our homes in the robin sanctuary is the reason so very very ariola her clothes are pretty much what you would think uh wonder woman costumes and uh like see through glitter jumpsuits and she's like mom look at this and she's laughing and i'm like bitch you would still wear that you probably wore that last week it's like a threes company jumper and her mom's tried not to look grossed at which i really loved i know the mom probably does not like being on tv in the first place and her mom's like whoa what outfit is that fall goal in the beach like oh god you last time she went to the beach people were still wearing like full length jumpsuits with the letter of stripes yeah fucking Cheshire imagine that beach oh my god it's probably like one of those really rocky beaches where you hurt your your the soles of your feet uh it's the only beach in the world that tans the sun because they're all wearing glitter getting darker darling Cheshire's helping global warming we're gonna go sau thing because i used to live in a lie so i lived in a lie i lived in a lie oh i just touched my tongue to the mic because i came out so um so then we go to mcgolly talking to dean her husband's name dean right and they're small like normal they they have like the cat he would kill a kitchen you know remember like everyone has their McMansions and then Kathy had like a normal house that's what mcgolly has she has like a normal sized kitchen yeah mcgolly hasn't hasn't gotten up with the james's yet but um yeah that was fine she just says that i well this is killing me because the the stuff with her husband is so cute god any difficult person i hope i find someone like her husband because i was like you see there are people out there who will like enjoy taking my shit because they're feeling like they're fixing me or something because that's totally our husband and she's like i'm supposed to go to party i'm not gonna go i'm like okay so that's officially every party you've ever been invited to on this show so far it's like arty number four with mcgolly standing in her kitchen with her husband gorg i'm not gonna go since it's respect to mcgolly i know go to party and he's like babe you should go to the party and she's like no i say no i will do it okay and he's like darling you need to come from place of peace oh i am not my husband ghandi okay so don't mess with me that's what i say i'm no ghandi you write me invite don't put it to ghandi because that's not me if ghandi mess with me i tell ghandi no no no no no delete delete delete delete so funny why would i go give money to a woman with so many dollar bills and her underwear have her pick up for that damn children fix play area time oh i wanted to mention the very end of that liancy lian's trying to like run around to be happy and she's like my mom is my brain and i was like oh no because her mom's so dark she's like darling you all right yes you're throwing on clothes mom and then at the end her mom goes how's your husband and she goes oh it's going free we're fine we're really fun and the mom just looks like terrified like yeah very tough like oh no mom hints #thari all of them in the rabbit sight share if they've found that hat on lock himself maybe i'll forgive him like ah you know the rob a sock sure don't touch huh sweet almost took off one of us find us the tanya's charity sale yeah they're arriving at this huge castle or some shit and i love tanya she goes i love charry oh oh well cherries charry oh charries charries charries that's one of those sickles guys that's all ringing a bell i love music um so they go to this big castle and i'm thinking how are they shooting in a castle like they shot they just shot in a dog park how did they get a castle and then lianne's like welcome to my charity event i've rented a room in a hotel like oh okay that makes sense yeah it's just the room and of course lianne is like talking about my galie again she's like she has to be careful about what she says why we sit here on these lobby cactus i'd like to order some champagne isn't that fancy wow champagne chocolate exactly and then dawn walks in she's like i love this event mion mum is here i love it lianne got mad okay so tanya goes to this lunch and she lianne goes i can't believe she had lunch with my gala did she tell me about my table dancing she's not told to get to tell man she wouldn't tell me nothing she's like oh well she'll tell the truth when i bring it up here let's see if she'll lie to my face then i'm like wait so you're mad that mcgolly didn't tell someone you're a stripper yeah you're you're getting ready to yell at your own charity event for children who've lost siblings and parents at somebody who didn't call you a stripper on TV listen to yourself yeah me while mcgolly went and had lunch with her ginger friend james and i love all this my funny friend and i love that like i love all the friends or the like i'm assuming he's a gay also but he may not be we couldn't tell enough because all the friends on the show has got the accent that's well the well the women got every time the women hang out with their gays basically they just like talk for 10 minutes and then the guys say like one line of dialogue he's like well you know the best thing you could do is have a conversation but i know that i know that james it's so funny because there's a gay ages at least this has been my experience as i age as a gay i'm like okay these bitches need to stop calling me for therapy every five minutes some days it's like five girls will be calling me crying and i'm like you know this is my own fault for buying lunch at cheesecake factory and listening to this bitch in 1982 i'm still hearing it yeah because that's what they do to the gays the gays are never at the parties they're never doing anything fun they're only showing up when someone needs to complain she's like it's true they're so coming funny gay friend people are being to me it feels like ground pain and then after 20 minutes you get like a token oh so how are you i'm good i actually um i'm having an issue yeah it's always like yeah you say something like well actually i'm having a really i just got fired for my job and like oh that sucks you know that reminds me of when i once was fired and that reminds me like okay well that was my most nice having job to go to i'm not being almost dead in a closet full of 500 medications i don't understand how my kidney do have kidneys on the menu i have bad ones inside of me so meanwhile at this charity event after the mcgolly after you know when mcgolly decides not to show up there's actually nothing left to do in this episode so we just sort of like watch 10 minutes of like random chatter at a charity event you know you see tanya tanya makes a joke about her teeth which i appreciate it she's like the closest thing to horses is my teeth no one's like yes i have not met that was funny you should go to the animal sanctuary there's like a purpose on the floor leading to a path with a safe haven cage darlin um yeah they were just doing there was an ampeaker and dawn fight which was so funny because ampeaker can't be happy and she doesn't understand how to be and when people tell her to me she gets mad at them for telling to be telling her to me and if she starts a conversation and then somebody agrees with her then she'll let mad at them for agreeing with her it is hilarious she's just always mad no matter what you do yeah sure so ampeakers talking to dawn his direct to me dawn for those of you who don't watch get mother jones will it out so she's she's telling her and uh oh well first they had the speech okay because of course i was fascinated by this whole thing but i'll make it quick so the lady gives a speech and she's like this child take it's children who rule siblings and parents and everyone's like crying and uh tanya's like every time i say a child a speech it makes me crawl and so she's like everyone's like crying and feeling things and ampeaker goes it touched my which is her way of saying it touched me oh it touched my i was waiting to hear it now she goes it touched my it touched my so the story is like a very very uh plain it's like there was a boy he was just a little boy like one you'd see in a patent possibly in the bathroom well some of her boys just look like little boys but then the little boy or someone in his family and he was said and that needs a lollipop and everyone's like oh it's like the most obvious straight up and then ampeaker goes loosen into this stories about the little boy and lost with anybody at home they just think i'm back i know what you're playing you take this poor boy who's like lust his whole family and god knows how because no one ever told us and then you turn it into mack it's like maybe i shouldn't have left muck maybe it feels like that little boy maybe there no i'm done not gonna dress the same muck so now she's now she's thinking that she's going to be remaring mark so she goes up to dobby and she's like i'm not talking she's like don't all the sadness reminded me of mack and don't say well it reminded me that i've got all getting my vagina sorted out you didn't need to get that sorted out you still got your vagina problem yeah i haven't sorted it out we'll fall and go fall and so then they get in a fight because she doesn't understand why don't isn't getting a hysterectomy and don's like uh because maybe i want more kids and she goes now don't you've already got four children don't be greedy it's not fair that dog's talking about freezing an egg when she knows i've only got one baby i was like really you're gonna get mad that someone not even related to you is gonna have a baby because now they have way more than you and you can't catch up you're officially immediately and i'll love it yeah i liked when i liked my ampika said i wouldn't want to get day release from my old age home to go to my son adult as graduation i was like there we go there's some american style shade good for you but aside from that they're gonna be cleaning up your ass who mons what age they are darling the young ones can take mold in the old ones am i right but you know aside from that like little fight it was literally like ten minutes of watching a charity event it was like being at the charity event at one point dawn's like leanne's doing such a good job i was like why are you telling me about the good job of her charity like no one's even being a terrible manager no one even cares so proud of them i don't heard about a given a speech but then she got up there and she gave it like a toga and i'll say don't you go even the base was perfect i was stopping you see and she'd stop being such a fat off-key single with mad face although i do wish that dawn had i do wish that leanne had lost a little bit of weight at least for the sake of that little boy it makes me want to have another little boy i love their old crime by the way no one gives as good an orphan as little british boys i mean they when you when you if you're gonna talk about an orphan that's gonna make you cry get a little british boy right there you'll get everyone crawling don't end all their mccoines all of her twist kicks the shit out of me okay yeah on every little level so on that note that's it that's it that's so obelic that's the only thing all i need to say because it ends with uh tanya possibly being pregnant which i don't know how that how a baby could survive that environment there's so much in there this little baby's gonna come out with the cleanest saline washed head ever it's like gonna have perfect vision it's like i've been resting and sailing all night mother the baby's gonna be like it's very far a womb of gold black yeah that's the big cliff anger a bill act leon goes oh thought this act was raw about yah the jana and then they showed us a clip of a crystal being held over her vagina and then the lady air drying her hands over her vagina and she's like i thought my book uh it's like oh my god this show well fun fun all all the same so everyone um thanks for listening thanks for listening um you can follow us on patreon.com forward slash watch for crappins and facebook.com forward slash watch for crappins and also watch for crappins.com we really appreciate all the support and thank you for listening we love ya and stay tuned right now for the four minute bonus van der pump meets i says it will be playing right after we say good boy good boy oh yah by the way what do you think about this craziness about Donald Trump saying uh no more muslims no more muslims good luck with that yeah yeah yeah let's vote for him because then we're not gonna have any more muslims oh Donald you're terrible it's not like people are saying come on over terrorists let's just make a vote for the terrorists oh they really need us a hug tambourina was was terrible if you're gonna use that base to say well no more muslims well then you better kick all the white people out too for all the shootings that have happened over the past year too i mean yeah but a no more angry white males um are allowed to go to school anymore okay so no more males yeah it's them and us but soon it will only be us honey's let us all gather together and hold hands if you want to cast simplistic nasty generalizations about people leave it to bravo leave it to the bravo stars okay put that energy towards judging lala and sheena and yolanda etc but don't anyone needs to stop coming into the country it's sheena okay and and her ilk yeah there should be a uh a fence around this user why doesn't Donald Trump build a fence around this user the drudge report shows this picture of four women just standing there staring at hundreds of photographers or whatever like about to come in and they're equally separated and they're in full burkas from head to toe and they look like ghosts and the way that the the picture is presented they look terrifying i mean it's like a horror picture yeah and i'm thinking yeah they look scary imagine what they see when they look back yeah okay imagine them staring at sheena and imagine what's going through their minds like here we are in this new place they're going to rip off our fucking faces put shit in our tits make us look insane and we're just basically going to be fuck meat puppets and go to hell so great this great country thanks i defy isis to be able to defeat sheena and christen because they can't by the way they may try to capture them and they may try to bed them and she'll be like i can't believe this happening on my wedding like seriously i have glass on my foot and you're gonna be ahead of me right now like seriously i was like oh never mind sending you back to american i was following you on your iphone isis i have your eyegloud password okay i don't like that you were like saying that stuff to other girls uh seriously i'm a change person but i've been working on me a lot isis seriously it's not really like bombing my heart seriously you're gonna be ahead me like seriously that's so immature isis you just need to cheer up okay let me do some comedy for you isis why the chicken cross the road isis why are you snapping the chicken isis don't want the chicken isis uh isis i just want to get back to where we used to be isis seriously seriously isis i'm sorry i came to your work but like i had to know isis why won't you call me back isis our service rating has gone down four points the zagat you know the thing with isis is you know they just keep on murdering people and destroying heritage sites and committing acts of terrorism and beheading people but it's hard to get a good bartender around here so i'll keep them isis kills someone jacks deals a bottle no what am i supposed to do van der pump rules isis no i think van der pump rules is what we need to rely on to destroy isis is the only thing at this point isis no one is going to take you seriously as a world power until you know the table numbers darling all right isis we brought in a small yay to help you out all right you can't fix terrorism with egg whites darling isis you cannot pair pinot noir with a stick this is ridiculous you're never going to get a foothold in the Middle East that way darling you can't possibly have that many virgins waiting for you in heaven there aren't that many left leave me they all came to sera and they did not leave a virgin welcome to america in america heaven there are no virgins telling we're out of them here you're gonna have to travel back to the Middle East and go to that heaven all right isis did you bring your resume people start immigrating here but then it over crowds are heaven people are like damn it stop heaven immigration go to your own heaven but these virgins are clogging up the bus system in heaven goodness goodness oh isis we could just talk about you for as long as this war is lasted isis if you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining wendry plus in the wendry app or on apple podcast prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wendry.com/survey hello ladies and gerbs boys and girls the Grinch is back again to ruin your christmas season with tis the Grinch holiday podcast after last year he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire you can listen with the whole family as guest stars like john ham brittany broski and danny devito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season but that's not all somebody stole all the children of whovilles letters to santa and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible it's a real whoville who done it can send elu and max help clear the Grinch's name grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out follow tis the Grinch holiday podcast on the wonderie app or wherever you get your podcasts unlock weekly christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad-free by joining wendry plus in the wonderie app spotify or apple podcasts
