Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know? That's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. This time of year is busy, family obligations, holiday parties, travel, relaxation might fall to the bottom of your priority list. You guys, you need to take time to relax and you need to be somewhere where there's soft white sand healing crystal blue water cloudless skies. We know where that place is. Aruba shake off any cold weather blues and enjoy the island's invigorating sunshine. Aruba has the most sunny days anywhere in the Caribbean. I promise you, this trip is going to be at least 10 times better than the trip to Aaron's Hampton's home on Real Housewives of New York, but that doesn't take much. I mean, it doesn't even compare. Aruba is a geeky gorgeous. Please always choose Aruba over Aaron's home. We know you can't stay on vacation forever, but a trip to Aruba, honestly, it just never ends. Because the happiness and relaxation you feel in your bones, it just stays with you. Book your trip today at aruba.com. And welcome to the Watch what Crapin's podcast. It's me, Ronnie. Ben and I recorded an episode of the Real Housewives of Shisha before he left her out of town. And I'm so glad we did because we have to release right now on Thanksgiving, which is right this second. If you guys are listening to this on a day that's not Thanksgiving, you know what? We're still thankful for you. And that doesn't mean that you can't look around the office just because it's Monday now and not say thank you. Just say thank you, stapler. Thank you for holding my papers together. This was a really fun episode. We are loving the Real Housewives of Shisha. And hope you are too. I can guarantee you're not going to understand half of this podcast because we don't even understand what these bitches are saying. And we're repeating it. This episode is followed by a special bonus episode with Miss Katie Kazola of Ease Upcoming Second Wives. We love Katie. She's been on a zillion times. I think she was on this week to talk about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Uncensored. Love talking to her. And she's one of our real-life friends. So we just talked on the phone so much that I cut it off and turned it into a bonus episode. If you like bonus episodes, come to patreon.com/watchwalkcrapins because we do them all the time. This was our 60th one. And if you become a premium subscriber at any dollar amount, you have access to all of the bonus episodes. So that's 60 hours of content. All right, people. One thing this Thanksgiving, I'm going to be thinking of is you guys. I really do appreciate you guys. So does Ben. Ben, I appreciate you guys. I just wish we could just sit here and hug audio-ly for another hour and a half. But, you know, there's a lot of content to get to. So let's get to it. Real Housewives of Cheshire, followed by a bonus with Katie Kazola. Love you guys. [MUSIC] The Real Housewives of Cheshire. Cheshire. Cheshire. I literally tried to write accents on things and write things like Webster's Dictionary Wood. Me too. My notes are half in transliteration because when we recap Cheshire last week, my accent was so all over the map that I was like, okay, I actually have to write it down on transliteration to see if I can get it down. I'm hoping that now that we have two weeks of the show under our belt, that our accents will be a little closer. I think it's going to be an ongoing process. We'll be workshopping it. But I'm really excited for this recap. I'm excited to hear what our voices do. Yeah, I definitely had to study them more this week. And I thought, wow, if there was only a Samuel French bookshop in Hollywood that we could go buy dialect tapes for crazy bitches in Cheshire, well, there's one exactly equity between the two of us. I know, but I don't have a tape player anymore. And I don't think they just have the crazy bitch Real Housewives section of the Samuel French. It's so funny that you say that, Ronnie, because I was walking on Hollywood Boulevard today. And as there's always trash out and about, there was cassette tape. It was like the inside of a cassette tape was like, you know how it was like out and streaming around. And I was like, how funny, why is there like a set tape stuff? Oh, God, because you know, it was like some old has been starved, like going down sunset and that convertible, like, I finally had it with the pass. Goodbye, I'm going to check out my Charles and Eddie single. Talk about turning over a new leaf that first day you threw a cassette tape out the window. I still have some cassette tapes. I was like, by Huey Lewis and the no longer news, by Huey Lewis in the old news. Huey Lewis and the no one watches the news anymore. When I lived in LA, I used to get her lips. Her nose. Well, that was one of that dumb hose claim to fame today. She lived in Cheshire. I've loved it, Ella. Oh, and my god, it's like, oh, really? Wow. So the real house lives in Cheshire. I'm already crazy. Let's just get into it. Let's just get into it. Now, I recorded some clips and I'll play them as they become appropriate. But it'll be, the clips will help get us back on track with our voices. Because they're, I can already hear you're already doing, like, what's her face? Petty Fleur and, you know, and it's not even a racial thing. They're both like the tough girl with the different accent in both shows. I think Magali is just a French accent. I think it's a straight up French accent. I don't think she even has any. She sounds kind of like this because she doesn't have disease. Well, see, well, she talks, well, yeah, she's not like a, she doesn't like, she knows she has, she's French-Canadian. She sounds like Celine Dion. Yes, like, yes, like Celine. Like, I could imagine her walking into a casino saying, "Rene! No more!" I said, "No more. Land is drawn." I draw a line. You're better not a step over the line. I'm Magali. I'm Magali. You speak like this to me? I speak like that to you, you know? I'm Magali. You go into war with me? I go into war with you? And I think, "Okay, we're in war, we're friends." You want a war with Magali? You are going to have a war with Magali? I'll come to the war. Here I am at the war! With Magali. That's how this episode opens. - What? - Magali. Magali. - Magali. - Magali. - Magali. - Magali. - Magali. - Magali. - Magali. - War. What's it good for? I don't know. Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's as well as I know. Everybody is saying Magali. Like, Magali basically ate the head off of a toddler last week. I mean, what the hell did Magali even? I couldn't do it this point. They're so mad. I like to think that Magali is the name of the French version of Maguiver. She just gets locked into places and has to like make planes out of bubble gum and sticks. You want to start a war with me? I make a rubber band con for your head. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Magali. - So the episode opens with everybody like Magali did this. Magali did that. And then we go to the gates, the WH gates. And you're going to hear that a lot because people say things like, you're going to lock that. You can go run up the guy. The gates are very important here. - Horses jumping. - Yes. Well, oh, yes. So we're at like, we're someplace where there's perhaps the backyard of Dawn's backyard because Dawn's watching as Darby is writing. And my favorite part is that Dawn, she can't even pronounce her daughter's name. Her daughter's name is Darby. And she's like, "Dobby is a fabulous writer. Darby, Darby." Darby, not Darby. She's talking about the little elf thing from Harry Potter. - Darby, Darby, have more Kenta. I have more Kenta. Not enough Kenta, Darby, see the Kenta. I'm going to show you're doing the Kenta, right, Darby? - Nothing. - A lot of perfection in the Kenta. - The Kenta. - And this is her again. - Omen obsessive compulsive. And when it comes to Darby, I'll say, "Dobby, I want the most area. Is that so bad?" No, because I'm a mum. And you know, it's like, you're obsessed with compulsive with someone else. So she's standing there where Darby's trying to fucking jump over fire pits and like cities on this horse, you know, looking perfect and like literally perfect. And she's like, "Dobby, Darby, do you feel, do you come down from the jump that you did it, that you maybe could have done it better, Darby?" - She doesn't even give us specific things. She's just like, "Be not her." - "Dobby, you call that a Kenta. It's more like a gallop. What are you doing, Darby?" But I love those, so the best part, I recorded this part. Because she's going on and on and Darby's response is like this weird, mumbly, Cheshire accent that I couldn't even understand. Here, listen to it and tell me if you can understand what Darby says. - Okay. - I just love perfection. - Like I just talked to him, I just wish, "Where do you have to go?" - I was just joking to Darby, but you're listening. - Darby, Darby, you're listening. - Darby, Darby, Darby, Darby, I just speak up. - Darby, Darby, Darby, Darby, I just love perfection. You're such an imperfect child. Darby, Darby, all of us tried to tell you right there. Was it, "Would you speak?" - You could speak better. - I just, I don't know what the structure is. - Darby, Darby, do you hear me? You're listening to me Darby I can't her and Darby. I don't think you can't turn on listening I I just love perfection. I just like it here says I can hear says I can hear says I'm gonna play that clip now of Camille talking to We're gonna be celebrating somebody else's Still funny years later, so upsetting to me. It can't come here. Are you listening Camille? I just love perfection. I just love perfection. I love that at the end She's just can't you bother to hear what Darby's even mumbling about Dabi listening sound like a regular McGarley like a quiet McGarley Darby you've been muttering luck that you're off to McGarley But my Dabi Maybe spoke louder you lose some weight. Oh God, oh God. Oh, we'll get to that later You know that that's a huge bundle of bad accents and yeah, mommy issues over here And then Nicola comes by and I don't even know what this bitch is saying she's like about McGarley I want some way to talk about McGarley McGarley girl brought emails in a bag. I was like, what are they doing? It's just sure do they know what email is yet? Any big and it's like mail Mail But the best part for me was that they're talking about McGolly of course and like going to talk And then Dawn Dawn's trade-up turns into a pirate she literally this isn't it verbatim quote she goes I'd rather stick pins in me eyes than go out with McGolly. Oh I go not rather stick pins in me eyes Well stick pins in me eyes what now that I'm too busy running the creme ball and managing this girl baint if you don't manage these girls, they're just gonna be a bean a girl Nice, are you listening Nicola? I like when she's talking to when she's talking to Darby and she's like Dolby, how do you feel it went here? They're not Darby's like Well Dolby the base could have been better like what do you met at dog? What do you met at Dobby about the fucking guy pressing the iTunes but for and they're not a band Okay, they're not playing anything like Nathan Lane the Queen from the dress store last week is the DJ pressing the play button On the iTunes for the Darby at the minute I just first of all get out of here Are you going to Manchella Meningitis man. Don't be around rather pins in me eyes. I listen to Dobby decipher what Darby's saying today All right, everyone this together round listen to Darby's new song. It's called satisfaction. All right. I'll be saying. Oh My god Then I'm trying to look at the rest of the the time I can't see them cuz I'm crying through this And Tanya Tanya goes to Leanne House Tanya is turning out to be gold Tanya's like the young sassy one from Sunderland and some old thunderland She's like oh woke up. I really didn't want to go boxing this morning, but Leanne would have a pop at me if I didn't I got a Leanne and Leanne's like oh you came over for boxing I'm sorry to get a boxing right now. Not really oh me a pancake for you Daddy use your hands. Yeah, Tanya's that hot one. Who's like work out. I don't work out All to best accept just not ever exercise it And then they show her at like perfect butt and her perfect body. I'm like shut up. You did not just fall off the Not eating turnip struck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly So she goes over to Leanne's they're sitting there and they're talking about the night before And soft-spoken Leanne boring sad and she's like I was really wound up about the ticket thing Oh, man. Oh, I had a pop out of pop it McGiley pop I popped at her. That's what they kept on saying Oh, she's gonna have a pop at me I had a pop at McGiley. I Was so angry at the ball Because McGolly had a ticket and then a ticket of the thing and someone told me to be mad at McGolly And so I was mad at her real mad. I don't know if I really I got drunk Really it said boxing huh? Yeah, it's so funny and Leanne's trying so hard. Yeah Poor Leanne oh So then Okay, so then me elsewhere in town Lauren arrives at a restaurant to have lunch with McGolly And so I wrote this quote down I transliterated this quote and hopefully it will give a good approximation of her voice of Lauren saying I'm gonna find out if I'm gonna have ha a hot hamata Wait, let me try that again. I think I messed up. I'm gonna find out if I'm gonna grab a hot tom-tah I don't know what tom-tah. I think it means hard to order. Oh, she says we noticed she says I'm gonna find out if I'm gonna give her a hard time, too So she's like I'm gonna find out if I'm gonna give her a hot tom-tah. Oh she goes I Like about to crack up laughing She talks and it makes me laugh so fucking hard and I love how when McGolly is asking her about like, you know, wherever she born and when ever Lauren talks about being born in Cheshire She gets all course she goes And then all of a sudden next thing you know, she's saying the man who vaunted the toilet his name is the crepala My god, it's like she talks a lot. She says a lot of things I mean, I like to talk a lot, but she says things all Lauren. She talks All Lauren all Lauren all on part, you know, I like it She's papa papa papa, and I'm papa papa and together we are papa papa papa and now we are papa papa together I like it you say you're gonna papa papa papa. I say, okay, you papa papa papa Okay, little known fact McGolly was the one who wrote the lyrics in the Spice Girls seminal hit Wanna be she was one who wrote zig-a-zagah, you know, zig-a-zagah You know, she talk I talk zig-a-zagah So So then actually Oh, that is me. You want a chikka chikka me? I chikka chikka You don't want a chikka chikka me So mongally has a lot of really profound thoughts. So she's like You know the more I get to know her the more I'm releasing I'm married. She is married. I have kids. She has kids I wake up in the morning. She wake up in the morning right now. She is sitting down. I'm sitting down I'm in a chair. She's in a chair, you know, we could be friends We have a lot in common and they so don't Lawrence on the other side of the table light Have you ever seen such a brain? Was there any brain in the eye? It's like she's got manners. She's walbras I'm real shisha Did these girls know it real such eyes? She's walbras. Actually, I took this here's an odd nut-a-clip of Lauren saying walbras She's got manners. She's well-bras She's walbras She's got manners. She got manners She's well-bras Do you want to take that food out of your mouth Lauren? No thanks It's some great phone Lifting long time Because i'm a bah So good. Oh, she writes a book i write a book McCarley's back now she lost book I once lost a book. I've been to library. She been to library. I mean my friends I wrote a book. She lost a book I'm like whoa Okay, that's actually that's her other that's that's how mcgolly likes to sort of Put a cherry on top of her statement. She goes. I'm like, okay Lauren ends it with this is what they don't end it because this goes on the whole show this one lunch, but Uh, Lauren goes She's well-brad She's got manners I'm like, okay Okay, okay So then amico, okay now this is another one now this ampeka Sorry ampeka this one talks kind of like the secretary of dawn, you know the onus in the bag but uh Ampeka's like the kickboxer and she's wearing some You know when bike riders are professional and they wear all those like logos and weird things She's like one of those like I want to throw my Diet Coke can up the window and like hit her in the head, you know Well, she's well. I love that when we see her She's boxing and she's like punching and she's like I'll get so pissed off at work Boxing is the ideal place to let it out. I'm like you work at a spa Your ideal place to let it out is where you work. I'm all this news Mikey, uh, well you have a salon so if that You can go get, you know, shaved down or whatever they do Yeah, she's like all that relaxing music all those all those lovely relaxing treatments other massages I get so pissed off You ever had a dumb girl look in the arbor system social leg. I didn't think so. I need to punch a man Ampeka Anger she's talking about how angry she is and she's got a gigantic diamond cross Yeah poking out of her boobs Um, and then tanya the girls come in to take their boxing class and you think well, I think Oh, uh, it's another stoop It's a rip-off from adrian maloove boxing and now I have to watch a skinny girl potentials and exercise This is dumb. And then that side of me was talking and then this show shattered right through every expectation It turned into a really Great scene that is probably gonna set up a hatred for the rest of this The series. Mm-hmm. Did you want us that? Are you talking about the part? Are you talking about the part where so they're boxing and they're all laughing and having fun and Uh, it turns to amika because she's all upset because she's single, you know, she was like married for two years or whatever And i'm looking down. I'm looking here. I guess there was a lot of stuff. Do you miss the date of the baby dinosaur tony was doing? It's the baby dinosaur. Oh, she's doing the baby dinosaur tony. I do the baby dinosaur again I love why she does the baby dinosaur. What is that? What are you talking about? I missed that whole part I probably broke down something totally different. No, it wasn't and then they betrayed the cartel No, no, she was tonya was like boxing and then she's like, I can't do it I can't do it. So i'm just gonna do this pose and send it and they also went like it's the baby dinosaur You know when she's had one too many drinks the baby dinosaur comes out. I'm like what this is a far this is a far cry from Jurassic park It all comes back to Jurassic park in the end always Jurassic park in the business Oh Jurassic park was just tonya coming out from behind the cage. Hello I was packing myself I'm a baby dinosaur be careful. I was packing myself and that's what the baby dinosaur Picking my nose. I saw all these two jeeps here little children there if you stop moving. I can't see you See uh, they were talking they were like having fun. They're like oh goo-pah goo-pah goo-pah goo-pah And uh and peak is all sad because she's single so she was like she said something like oh, I don't know I don't even know what she said, but it sounded sad her tone was sad her It was a staccato sadness and then um tonya the kind of younger one was like Uh, what have you done with your kids? And she said she said well if you say you got a man you got a spin, don't you? What if your husband lift ya or something like that and then tonya's like What told them they're like a bus? Another one comes around every 10 minutes They just keep coming and they can take you to a new in different places A little faster than suppose you could have a transfer and sometimes If a lot of people and they get in the bus and you hang on to a strap. It's what you do Sometimes a man will stand up and give you a seat And sometimes you just sit on an old lightest lap and that's it is with public transport Sometimes the buses are so big they got an accordion right in the middle And man, peak is like oh men are like buses, but you don't want to catch everyone do your darling And she's like the only ride buses won't stop ya You only got one metric bus car darling Got a month the pass actually empica says something that when I was listening to it I was like what the fuck did she just say and now i've heard her back I I know what she says, but even though knowing what she says it still makes no sense. This is what she says Compute a balaclava on but he's still got a penis. You've not put a balaclava on that and if he's gonna use it he's gonna use it I wrote balaclava. I know what that is And of course I thought that's really like a balaclava on the bed a bit of it You can put a balaclava on the penis and still is gonna put a penis You can put a balaclava on the penis, but i don't make it a penis, but i know where the mouth move It could put a balaclava on the penis, but still not does it but um Actually, I think what she was saying was something that balaclava is which is like the thing that you put over your head But it still doesn't make sense. It still doesn't really even make sense what she's saying. I'll play it again Compute a balaclava on but he's still got a penis. You've not put balaclava on that and if he's gonna use it he's gonna use it What if we've been talking about it anymore? I mean, I don't even know where we are anymore. It's a balaclava Balaclava is like a thing that robbers wear where it's like a thing over your head with two holes for the mouth and Oh like the hamburger? Yeah, well no the hamburger is just over his eyes. Balaclava is where it goes all the way over your face Like you can't see you can only it's like it's just your eyes and like sometimes the mouth is covered But what she's saying is like put something over someone's head, but it's still a penis But you can't if you can put a balaclava on a penis, but he's still gonna use it and if he's gonna use it It's like what? How did we get from the bus to putting ski masks on penises or whatever like gas for a robbery mask class again pica Classy, you just got them piqued got unpiqued. You got unpiqued Hey, derby. How'd you feel about getting unpiqued? Perfection Dobby, I'm here. I'll be listening. You just got unpiqued Because like at least two beers, man I don't know what that whole the man is the bus so catch another bus I guess it just means And because like single and everybody else isn't and she's sad and they're like get over it I mean, I guess that's like my translation of what happened Yeah, something like that go name on my bag So then Dean dawn dawn is now she's gone to the girls and the rehearsal space the girls are practicing to be fair The girls were sounding much better But first and then when the mom came in they broke in a five-part harmony But there's only three girls and they turned the key minor It's like if someone whistling and singing at the same time Like all right then all right then Dobby, here's what I'm saying. I'm your mom and I'm here to say something to you And I'm excited You know Speak up Dobby Dobby, if you want to sing you have to speak up sing better May girls if you want to be a good singer you go to be good singer I'm not fit. I've done my job here I'm glad I I'm glad I come to coach you and then she leaves and never listens to them sing a thing I know exactly great coach. You don't start singing better. I'm gonna throw me purse at your faces I'm here for me for a meal meeting but this but it's on the insta or I'm dumping ya The end I'll go emails in the bag waiting for me in the car Dobby Dobby So then um ampeca then ampeca I think I'm actually getting worse at these the more we do them That's fine. It's like the back. It's the opposite of practice. You're aggressive It's fine because they're getting worse at it too. They actually get worse at English as it goes along Because then I think then ampeca decides she wants to do a great goodly not and so she's gonna buy everyone So she first she calls dawn. She's like don't thank you for having us at the bowl I want to have a good not my place just glamorous And she's like in a bathtub and a bubbly bubble bath or whatever Oh, it sounds great putting honey on her leg with an actual honey wick thing. What do you call this? Like this, it's like a honeycomb thing. Yes. She's like, oh, it's bad. It's a bad glamour Those dreams coming up my nostrils. Just cause I'm single. Don't you may not come mingle with my girls cool snow She's literally recreating the Mariah Carey episode of cribs where At the end of it Mariah Carey just got into bubble bath. I was like buy MTV. You can go now So what I thought was really funny because this was a total editing producing oversight So now we are like 20 minutes into the show and now I mean we have the girls have gone boxing They have Talked after boxing Ampeca has gone home. She is in her bubble bath. Dawn has done like on to the horses. She's now gone to girls They are the girls are rehearsing now. All this stuff has happened and then ampeca calls up Lauren and lola is still at lunch with my golly Like It's like hour eight of the lunch I was like did anyone realize the continuity issue that was going on here Or maybe it was just that long Well, maybe oh, she talked but I say you want to appetizer. I want i'll do a appetizer Yeah, my god, that's the thing. It took 45 minutes from the order. She's like, you want a starter? I want a starter. He has a starter. We want a starter. Can you tell us about the first thing on the on the menu? All right, I'll tell you about the first thing on the menu. He tells us about the first thing on the menu She tells us about the first thing on the menu. We all like it and I say okay. I'll compare about the way you ordered the food Pitchico mama's You're well, brah. You're well, brah. You're well, brah. She's got manners. She's well, brah Mmm wild bread I'm looking down this it's like the mom y'all and get the daughter of the whole episode It's like and then it cuts to the mom showing up at the daughter's school Listen to your darbe darbe you're fat and you're stupid. Did you hear me? All right, mom's out More And jesus another scene of you yelling at your child leave her alone. Oh, all right. So let's get past a bugger Button peaker horny on a honeymoon So so basically ampega I literally walk family Don don't meet with don and lian. Is that lian the blonde girl? Yeah, well, by the way, it's sort of thing. Did I skip that? No, no, no, just one little thing is that so ampega invites laurin to this girl's night and laurin's like I'm here with migali. Can she come too? And ampega's like Okay, you just got balla clava on here Of the worker and put you in a local situation having a darlin My garlic would never put on a balla clava because she were brah Oh, my god, would you come to my pot a la? It's all bad girls and clammer No, it's like at first. I did not want to put on balla clava, but then lon has a balla clava and I have a balla clava. I thought okay I don't know if I'm ready to forgive the bad manners Maybe if you could talk to me and give me some sort of apology Or take it to something like do you want to come on bitch? Why come to party? I do it. Do you have three parts of that bus that you keep on trying to catch? Uh those rising penis buses. You want to send me penis bus? I get on penis bus. It takes me to new exciting places You know the bus you get out of the bus. It's like That's how it goes Anyway, but I like it, but I like the bus So so what you were saying before is that don goes over to lien's which is like like family Yeah, she says the goals all literal are far more and then she's like lien do better. You'll look fat Way to prove it telling Because you believed in earth of my goal it coming out and not having a ticket wasn't that something Can we just get over it? I don't even care But don't can get over it. I'm not ready to get over it for dawn I'm not ready to get over it. Don't get in over it. You know what I mean the camera's like falling over from boredom Like really me while they're like there's like those little girl bouncing around doing crazy shit on a trampoline the entire time I'm like what is happening in the scene? They're like all right. This is gonna be a boring scene little girl get on the trampoline Don's like to tell you how to raise your children But that one could use of that one could use a diet and maybe a little less jumping on the head out there They could kill you She's like dawn. I'm just like lien. I really like to have this conversation But I need to go berate your daughter. Excuse me. All right land it stick it stick it. Oh, you're doing trying to stick it Are you listening to me? It takes a lot to manage this trampoline paint Are you gonna bounce a meningitis next Ready for the show sick to so they sick to men joint us Okay, so chandeliers in the kitchen I wrote Yes, exactly. I know exactly what you're talking about. It's ampeca's kitchen And you all you hear is this you hear ampeca's potty is always a glamorous affair I'm like who said that and it's like ampeca said that i'm like what Don't third person yourself ampeca She's nature channeling herself. She's like hey, did you see the world ampeca? Welcome through the kitchen with double chandeliers. We'll chat yoke up hook. Oh, yeah I'm so pissed off. I'm bad girl. I don't have to go boxing I get pissed off. I discard men and I have a very old lady house with Chandeliers in the kitchen and old lady couches Some people ask what how many pendant should I put in the kitchen? I say I'm in his chandeliers can fit over the granite canada Look at Jesus Christ. You're gonna hit your face on those things. They're not even above you on the ceiling. They're in your face And they're gigantic. I know they are poorly chosen Traded chandeliers. So we have a fantastic chuff of uh. Oh, I'm just a bad speller. It's not their accent I just can't spell that man. I can't type Uh, we have a fantastic chiff cool lady He can turn his hand in any kind of food As as the best chef in shasha We call him chef show whom human sexual So i'm getting some more young waders so she gets these hot young stripper waders I don't know where she got them because they seem terrified to be there A pre-school workout room or something they were scared shitless like little kitties that you shaved down and just dragged out of the box You know, I'm like sort of doing coins act Yeah, they were um, they were like who is this crazy wannabe mariah kerry cougar And why is she eyeing us? We just want to get out of here. Why? Why? She was so like vocally rapey. She's like, yeah, welcome balls. Look at you Look at your webs babbles. Oh boy. Let's say the six packs now. Yeah, you want me? They look at her on your abs They look at her really awkwardly and she goes Yeah, boys. Yes And her hair is literally in curlers. I mean she could not look like a crazier cougar if she tried And she's like screaming at them like she's in a strip club But it's just her and it's silent and they're like not smiling. They're all scared They're like lady your curlers are about to hit the chandelier stop. It's making us nervous And then I put lip gloss yikes Oh, I think they just showed her putting on lip gloss and I said guys Yeah, my goal away my goal. So then all the women start to arrive at the party And they're all showing up. They're like my goal. They has a pot. Look at it. My goal. Oh, oh, oh, I mean, I'm a golly I'm pika. I'm pika. Oh, it's classic. I'm pika. I'm pika's glamorous. All the fun dudes happening. Oh I'm pika. I'm pika And they're all such bitches. They're like What a typical and pika party? Beautiful mean and they're gonna leave by morning because I'm picking up my goals Every one of them in some ways like well, of course and pika has Stuck that's not cooked right. It's just single and doesn't have a main She don't know what it means the value of cooking something But then um I love that and pika's like in it. She's like in a state. She's like, you know what? Oh, I wasn't happy with my golly and as soon as she walks in I'm gonna have a say with her and I'm gonna pop at her and then it's gonna be done It'll be it'll be 20 seconds. It'll be done and all the drama will be on the other side of the gate. Okay, so I'm okay I'm I'm like, what are you mad at? Why are you mad at my golly about you? You had nothing to do with my golly like the whole issue. There was nothing There was no beef. Why are you so pissed at my golly? I think she just like saying over and over again that she can kick people out of her gates I think she says it 20 times in this scene. She's like, you don't walk out. Yeah, I can get out the gut Take it to the paddock. All right Get out of my gate Everyone wants to got something someone might be walking through the Someone's gonna do the gate. I put a big balla clava on the gate. So you can't see it. Yeah So poor my golly everywhere they go they McGolly is always there last so everybody's already talked about how much I hate her and then whatever cameraman is terrified of her You can tell because every time they shoot her it's like from below like the cameraman sees her coming and literally crouches In fear and shoots up It's like always kind of an up angle at McGolly and it's just always an awkward entrance for this poor lady She's like hello. It's like Oh my god. Oh my god. Listen here. I want to get this so normal table And when it's out on the top, you can either eat it. I could walk it they got I put a table on this side of the gut and that's how they got and you can decide where you want to put it on the table on the gate It's our trouble or outside the gobble and my god is like Years, but I can't say hello. You screw up to see this right away. Like I mean, I walk in I just walk in I'm like whoa. Okay. Whoa Whoa, like I can't say hi. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You know what my favorite favorite comedian is Cousin Joey. Whoa. Oh, it's from blossom. Whoa got it wrong I'm like six and you're like you're like Joey. Except I'm Joey and you're six. Whoa Just blew my mind doing a joy comparison. I'm like she's six. She's blossom. I'm Joey. Whoa You gonna blow my mind? I'm gonna blow my mind. Whoa All I'm asking is if a flower heart is complimentary So I liked it. It wasn't even impolite in her eyes to comment her in front of a bunch of women She doesn't even know the read part was it. She didn't let her say hi first She's like, okay. I can see you coming to me with these things, but I said I say hi to the first You know, I say I say first high Okay, then now what is this? What is this you want to say? The funniest thing is because ampeca When so when my gala watching and because like, you know what? I wasn't very happy with you the other night. I wasn't happy with you And then that's when my gala is like, let me speak. Let me say hello And so then then she comes back. She's like, okay, and I'm because like I said my pace I said my pace like what was your piece? You didn't say anything. You just said, I wasn't happy All right said my pace. Well, that's everybody tonight because earlier it was Lee Ann going And then everybody's gonna give me golly a pop but then it comes down to it and they're like Okay, right after that. They all felt so bad for magala that they were like I'll pull my gala. She just got yelled at her my gala. I just like to say I'm sorry for everything Well, she was like Lee Ann was like never mind never never mind. Never mind. Never mind Let's just pretend it never happened. Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye. I'm like, are you a reality star or what? No reality star says. Never mind. Never mind. Never mind. We have to go. Let's let's not fight about this for the next five weeks Said my piece. Hmm. I'm gonna need to fight with you about this in the quarter setting But for rot man, just like to say good night How about that trampoline, huh? So, um, and then my gala if Lee Ann want what I give Lee Ann to war and she's like, okay. Thank you, Lee Ann. Okay. Okay. I said hello. Okay I know war war Lee Ann war But what I love is that my gala is like a really kind of desperate to be friends with everyone So she sort of interprets everything as like who would have thought Lee Ann she told me she wants to be in her bridesmaids Which is funny. I thought she's already married. She said that the ones forget about us and our best friends like no, no, no She just was like saying she just wants to forget about it. Yeah Well, it's it's different when you're language when your second language is English and you're listening to these bitches to learn it that poor thing probably mishears everything That's probably why she's so defensive. She's she she probably thinks someone's attacking her all day And they're probably just like hello to the moon tea She's like they've just said a fuck you to me this man. It's country. This is what they do to Macali Macali well, then so when they also did at the table Tanya is like I'm going to share in her mind. She's like I'm gonna break the ice and and so she's like, oh, I'm gonna start calling you maggots. Yep maggots It's like first of all don't call her something that sounds like maggots Don't call her something that almost sounds like a racial slur And don't just don't call her anything really because what's that what without the name? She was gonna call her she's going to maggots maggots But the funny thing is but then she but so then she's like how about mags and my god is like no No, what is what is the maggots? mags no how about their galley Because the maggots this is no football beach That is what you call people on the pitch. Okay I don't see no football. Oh is that what she said? Yeah the pitch. She's like, I don't see no football I don't see no football. Okay. I don't see no pitch. I don't see no state. Do you want to see a stadium? No Maggots. Yeah, there's only Macali The waiters come in terrified with like some little shrivel that Provo or whatever whatever it was. I'm not going to call it shrivel that because the shift is toward the same many things Um, so I'm going to just that it looked delicious But the waiters look terrified carrying it and she's like all my balls Growing in nothing. Look at these balls bringing in the food I know and then and then there's like this conversation between tanya and laura and laura's like Why are you from love and she's like i'm from sondalind She's like a sondalind where sondalind. I don't know about sondalind I lived in l.a. I met down in sondalind. Guess what he was very well brah So then I love though though tanya's don't so Tonya's impersonation though. So tanya's tanya's version of laura talking is like ladies in london Tanya's like the way she talks she talks. She's like where are you from my dear? I'm like she does not sound anything like that Unless someone from up in sondalind wouldn't think that darlin Oh, I thought you liked me Lauren Where are you from where sondalind Oh Sandlin Did just say some one And she's like about you at where you from where you from but say great. Huh? Where are you from? Shashive Shashive Have a shashive I spent some time in a lot But now I'm back in shasha Why are you talking like you're from bookin and palace you dumb bitch? She's a snorty old goat She gets so mad and I like it because you can tell that she's just getting drunker and drunker as this thing goes on because laura is Probably obnoxious, but she seems kind of offensive like But don't you are in offensive. What did I just say she seems in offensive to me? What do you think? Lauren, I think she's I think she seems benign I don't think that I don't think that her asking about state school or her asking about where people are from Was really too obnoxious. I think that uh tanya is insecure and she feels self-conscious about the fact That she went to state school and that she's from sondalind So uh, she automatically projected Excuse me all this like uh snobbiness onto laura, but I don't think it was really there Well laura's response at least to the cameras was very funny. She's she goes Tanya think some snorpe But she doesn't know me or me Or this area Let's stay sick. It is a snorpey place because you don't go choose to live in bowl. Ooh Like damn, okay, okay Yeah, no, she yeah, no, she I mean she definitely is snobby, but I don't think she was snobby in that moment I don't think she was like trying to be mean to the poor person And you know why she wasn't snobby at that moment because she's wild brad I've got my mouth I'm all brad So, um You know my favorite thing at the farm is to push around. I love pushing around a while bra Put some hair in my wheelbar Because my wall bar is brought around Sondal, Sondal, man Is that why the state schools are sondalind? Sondal Do you do community service for that being How How many classes do you have to take before your brain started hurting Was it a lot for you? Ampeca is hating these bitches like she is gonna kill them. She's like well She's dropped believe you'd come to my board and this is what you took back. I'll hurt this Was everybody talking about this board? And the things with ampeca is that You can see she you can see she's like hot, you know She has like a film on her. She looks uncomfortable. She's had too much booze Her cheeks are turning red because I think she's got some asian in her and so it's like she just looks massively uncomfortable and flustered and everyone else looks good, but she just looks like Oh, she just needs to dive into a swimming pool. Maybe the one downstairs with all the toys in them that's been discarded Swimming pool is leaving inside. No You'll swim in swimming pool. So the rats are that men go into I don't go that kind of pool Mine is alone in kind of cold on the inside And like thanks for having us over and paker Well, so so then Dawn starts talking about the girl band just starts talking about like the they're weight and she's I guess she's like one guy That's pretty confident, which is pretty impressive because she's fat and then And then they all start like jumping on dawn before she's even made her whatever the point She was gonna make because I don't actually think she was trying to fat shame anyone But then everyone's only in the way a protective mother does darling. Yeah, that's what a good mother does She's like my daughter is a brand and unfortunately It's a fat brand It's a plus size brand there's a lot more brand to go around That's all to darling. If you're going to be a brand you go to decide if you're going to be a pee in the pool Or an express for men I said dobby. I said dobby. No one wants to stay up off mash mode mantising songs for them. So get in shape Dobby listening Dobby, uh soon. You're gonna be the one that's countering with someone on your back. All right. You've blown up. Dobby. Your base is off. All right, mother at Off to rehearse with the trampoline band Dobby at the band get trampoline go in there now. Well, none of you ain't anything Dobby, don't get on that trampoline. You can break it. Okay, you're fat Just gonna snap into so the other girls do start going crazy in tanya is like drink. You know, she's drunk too She's already yelled it The red-headed hoe what whatever? Yeah, so it's tanya and lianne and tanya's like, yeah You can't do that to don't a can. Yeah, because you know a door it makes a go. Oh, it's making me sad right now I think we're gonna buy a door. This is the girl who almost had a heart attack going over the boxing class And then lianne's like battle hutch in your soul Talk to people about going on died They're all talking about like going on diets when these girls have been all nipped and talk up the wazoo All right, like you don't when you have had that much body modification You really lose the right to talk about what what what's the right thing To do to a girl. You can't eat a lot of sodium and then get surgery. Don't eat the same time your head will explode Meanwhile, this is the perfect opportunity for me golly to speak to us and she's like everyone's talking over like ping pong So i'll pick up the bone the floor pop up all right, they picked it up new game Net that's in the net that's in the net right there pop myself She likes to play ping pong. I like to ping pong ping pong. I'm like, okay, let's go. Let's play I do a pop. I do a pop and then I do a whoa Whoa And then whoa I then I catch the ball with my paddle and I put it against the table and it makes that noise because pop pop pop pop pop It needs to stop Post a trap under pop a pattern one day. We're gonna have to put that whoa together with the romano. Whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and whoa Magale is whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa The difference is that like romana has like a sudden like whoa, this is crazy and magale is like whoa Just put two and two together To here to there to do to do to do to do to do. Oh whoa We hadn't had a dinner. We hadn't even had one bite of the dinner and a pop Let the spiders eat each other Yeah, that was so good. I love that. She's like, oh, I think to myself Spiders eat each other What like golly, it doesn't make any sense. Why would you pick the skinniest arachnid? Like couldn't you pick like, you know, like a furry mammal. It's got a little meat on its bones or something But it doesn't even make any metaphorical sense like if you she said the snakes that makes sense But spider they're just spiders spiders don't eat spiders darling She can't she can't see a snake because then ampeke would be like a mocha snake If I ate a snake Drowned into just another snake and then I'll poop at another snake and we'll be multiple snakes and poop What do you say about that Magale? Here's what I say. I say let the daddy learn legs walk around each other Let my piece of beef eat your piece of beef. This is what I say Whoa speaking of which speaking of which the chef then brings out Gorgeous piece of of like this. It's filet and it is perfectly cooked the color on it is Beyond it's lovely. I'll like wow that's awesome. And so they're all like It's liens like it's steak and it's where What a Leanne has never seen a steak She's like I can't believe it. Are we on a survivor challenge? It's Then Don is like it's moving on the plate Send it back This steak is fat. I'm not gonna sit here and eat a fat steak. They are said it It's not about anorexia. I just prefer that this care was bulimic making if it with the hoof You know what I mean care. Are you even listening to me? And then tanya drug. She's like, I'm more cutting than this And then the chef looks like he just wants to kill himself. Yeah, and ampeka's mortified. She's like Oh, look Eddie. Oh, no, you've charged a hand in You know what these girls are acting like me with men. They're just discarding the steak. It's not right Not like toys like men Can't put a bollock lover on the steak. You got to eat it with bucklovel afterwards I warned you that we were having dinner with a bunch of cavemen didn't know What is a caveman here boys? You can't man. Hey boys. I'm looking for some kind man Please don't judge So peace off you're talking about you're talking about your husband You're talking about your steaks I can't do anymore. They're talking about the steaks and the husband and garlic Just like my heart right now. Yeah, one second the lady's right So has your husband like it got really boring like when that's what you're talking about. Yeah, I'm like, yeah Everybody talking about those Or don't go husband. I don't even got a straight nap. They made it send back to Even by one of those feelings that you feel is that you call a husband from bedbathling beyond they're out of them I had one for two and a half years and they left me too I bought a couple of boys off the paper and they terrified of me I'm never gonna win. And so she has a fit. She's like get the fuck out my house. Can't take them all And these bitches are like no And tanya's like now i'm not leaving them having fun. I'm having a bull. I'm having a blast. I'm having a pop And because like I can't talk at nine. No, so she goes out and then Tanya goes not tanya lianne. No one else will even follow her own. Everyone's like everyone's like i'm here for the fondue Yeah, I don't have fun the beef's finally cooked right Don't say well if only got a mistake cooked properly you make me leave now. I don't think so I'll show you what anorexia's nope and me that steak steak work on your base I'm on a mission to get myself fat so that way my daughter looks skinnier Gotta eat that steak On do too Are you scouring the web for the best black friday and cyber monday deals then you need to add racquet into your arsenal Racketon is like a shopping sidekick that gives you cash back at your favorite stores and finds you the best deals Right now you can get up to 15 percent cash back at hundreds of stores Including Adidas Lenovo and Sephora you can even stack cash back on top of sales and promo codes That's like savings on savings with racqueton You can spend more time shopping for what you love and less time worrying you're missing out on better deals Now's the perfect time to join up to 15 percent cash back ends on December 2nd And did I mention that it's super easy? Just go to racquetton.com click on a store a deal and shop like normal cash back will automatically be added to your account And you can get it by PayPal or check join for free at racquetton.com or get the racqueton app That's r a k u t ed racqueton.com With big wireless providers what you see is never what you get somewhere between the store and your first month's bill The price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets with mint mobile You'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again I mean how many times have you felt like oh this has been such a great deal and then at the end of the first month You're like what just happened? Yeah, you look at the charges It's like I agreed to a certain amount and then you look at that bill and it is nowhere near the number that you agree to But then there's like 90 million charges on top of what you agreed to there were just secrets, sorry But not with mint say bye-bye to your overpriced wireless plans jaw-dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5g network To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month Go to mint mobile dot com slash crappins. That's mint mobile dot com slash crappins Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile dot com slash crappins $45 up front payment required equivalent to $15 a month New customers on first three month plan only speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan Additional taxes fees and restrictions apply see mint mobile for details If She ain't gonna do I'm gonna do it for her. All right. I'm gonna stand next to the entire concept You'd like a fun has mere except it's me. Oh now sing No Sing better I'm just here. Okay. So what you guys listen up. You're all about to lose twice and I hope you're all done about sex today All right no man Good talk Good talk guys Meanwhile And then oh, sorry. Yeah, no, I can say and because outside and she's just like You know, it's just awful. Anyway, she's just saying it's hard. You know, it's hard because she's She's like I don't give I don't give a phone fuck about my garlic. I'm looking at this smaller There's nothing for me to describe You don't understand what it's like You're right Well, sometimes some people are just meant to die alone. All right. Let's see. Does it Talkin so she goes in. She's like I've got a big river lush And he's the big cliffhanger And I'm thinking. Oh my god. So she's lonely. Is that her cliffhanger? Yeah, I can't get over the divorce or whatever. Yeah, but that's what I thought it was gonna be too And I misunderstood it because I didn't understand the language. I thought she said I've had a mistress I thought she's years at first. I thought she said she just got a mattress. She's like, oh, have a mattress Oh, I've been a mattress. I have a confession. Um, oh, okay. Oh I've got some mattress. No, she goes. I've been a mistress. I've been a mission I was like, which should by the way as you said everything's recycled. It's kimzol siax season one. Yeah So then I'm so lonely and I can't find a man because I'm a mistress and he'll never marry me And she's talking to a bunch of married women who are like, uh, hell no. Yeah, we get out solid. Whoa Oh my god. Whoa. That's not right. Well, it's me. Well, uh, Lauren. I loved Lauren's response, which I recorded. She goes mistress. Does that mean he's got a word? Yeah, but what was that right here? Oh, wow What was mr. Us mine Was that mine something different in that part of the contract? Does she got does he got a while? Is she while bra? She got mistress. Does that mean he's got a while? Do we have a while? Or will someone just count to a department store because they were bright with mine as a mistress Is the mistress of our bra? You know, I like about the I don't like about her boyfriend's wife She's got manners She's well-brad Oh, mr. Us Merber. She's a teacher Rob is just while bra. I wonder if she went to state school. She's just while bra My favorite couple of old type is jennifer and brad Hello, bro Hello, I was welcome. I love Angelina. I'm bra Angelina's while bra so is bra bra's my bra Overshook mucka sandwich with brad two pieces of brad It'd be a brad sandwich. Well, brad brad. Oh, oh, I'm sorry for brad My pal That's how she says brad bit, brad, brad I think Have you seen the new brad, brad movie. Hello there. I'm not sure if I have the right number Well, you can feel brad, brad Okay Have you seen the brad, brad movie to our bon car Oh, that was Tom Krah My favorite brad, brad movie is car. Okay, it's a badro baja Don't you like the movie about Benjamin baja? He keeps getting younger. We'll get older Good old Benjamin butter and pickers like I sure do I'm benching me but mother don't I'm back into the middle. Oh, just no, I'm never gonna touch it again You want to say a mama's that boys the crying now look at them I'll have a secret to tell all y'all I'm a mistress and my boyfriend. He's a baby Used to be a man got younger who's trams age We're going the wrong way. We'll never get married. We're going the wrong way. We've officially reset agent his mother's the woman from empire I love a cooker more than brad I wonder when I wonder when that little Benjamin button's gonna show up on empire. Oh Oh my god Oh my god, okay, so she's like oh, I'm going to unleash the truth. Y'all got your husband and i'm bobbin round like a cock on the ocean And lord Doling that you're doing it right rich freckle Right freckle She is fully living the Whitney Houston the seminal Whitney Houston song saving all my love That is the that is the mistress the sad unfulfilled mistress anthem and ampeca is living it right now I'm because really confused because this is spoiler alert. This show aired a year ago It's already on season two, but spoiler alert next week. She's like, no wouldn't say I was sleeping with the married man Just that i'm not his wife. I'm like get out of here. She's like back. Yeah, don't yeah Which makes me wonder if she's even doing that or she just wants everyone to think she's getting laid You know part of me. Maybe she's like maybe she's like, oh, no, i'm not with the married man I just took over her school. I'm a headmistress. That's all because i love to give head to married man Oh my nats no sir, cuz i'm the mr. Sanders I'm peaker how awful Renga fires addictive in it. Oh, she's talking about bobbin like a Sorry I don't know why i can't get off this but when she's trying to explain it. She's announcing that the whole table She's like no Here's it you bought princess hot do you screwing up danger? Well, Cinderella cleaned a couple of stoves and fender men Sleeping beauty was a sleep in the glass cage and someone made that with her anyway, which is probably that right. Let's face it And then you got snow white, which she's the water so there you go And i've been fucking a married mate How does that have to do anything with those disney bitches you are oh stop? Yeah, stop it. Stop it. Fucking Cinderella get out of here and peaker I'm not gonna feel sorry if you know you're never gonna get married. He's never gonna leave leave Her for you then move on. I don't feel bad that you're a mistress That's your own problem. Yeah, me too. I mean, I'm gonna judge you for it I'm not mister shaming you. I'm just saying why don't want to bring it up at the dinner table like kind of awkward It's almost like you want a high five? For getting dick, but I don't know you can't even get a stripper. No one's gonna believe you got a married man. I think yeah, come on Ampeka. All right. Well, that was the episode nice to ampeka and then leanne, of course Don't I live in a house. It's quite nice That's what she does. She does she does gamble voice British gamble voice in the opening credits. I live in a house I'm out of a baller. It's quite nice I make pantin cakes or sometimes I watch other people make pantin cakes and uh, you know I'm late. I've never had my water turned off my garlic I'm scared to get on trampoline. So I watch my daughter do instead I'm late You may not give me a load of credit, but credit does do because I got good credit I know She's well bribed She's got that's the name of this episode. I've got manners. She's well bribed Guys you listening are you listening to all this dot are you learning Dobby We are thankful for this part We are thankful for all these crazy british people that bravo keeps putting on tv that allow us to talk for an hour in a crazy Accent. Thank you. Let's move on to the bonus bonus episode with Ms. Katie because ola I hadn't talked to Katie in a while. So we had some catching up today. We started with Vanderpump rules Unwatchable at this point. How dare you ma'am? No, but really I think it's honestly. I think it's unwatchable I just talked about it for like an hour and a half So I would heartily disagree. I think it's amazing sheena But she you can still drink. Oh my god. She's she's fucking retarded sheena mary She is dumpy and alcoholic A sub growth I swear to god. It's like let's take the dumbest fucking people in los angeles Which I mean there's a lot so there's a lot to choose from And let's put them on a show called Vanderpump rules It's like trying to pick the dumbest goldfish and a giant goldfish You know plastic swimming pool at a fair darling. When's the last time that you've gone to like Pomp or serve I go there ironically because whenever I know people from this, you know, we're friends who like this They always want to go to one of those places because you always see one and we saw james. He's like, oh, hello there. I'm james. Yeah, that's right Now you do and you enjoy in your evening. You enjoy in your evening. They miss Yeah, and he kind of like his head kind of bobs around like he's always dancing to something in his head Wait a second. He really does work there. No, that's like disney land. You know one of them has to come in every shift I think there has to be one of them a night and I think they just kind of walk around I mean, this is what I've heard. Did I hear this from you? Actually, you could be all the gospel about that place. Yeah, um, but they apparently someone is supposed to be there Every night, you know, mini mouse to greet the children If you will And then lisa comes in and says something rude to them and then jets off in a giant car Oh my god. Yes, that's totally true They have to have one person in there every night. So it'll keep people excited like, oh, well I saw christian or oh, well, I saw whoever, you know, yeah, and when they're desperate She's just unplugged can and it's like all right darling. Just go on in there can go on something Hello Hello shuffle around there Hello Fleshroom but darling skin As he hits the wall. He just turns right around and moves in a different direction darling. Sometimes he gets caught in carpets You know, that's you know, that's really true It is true I've seen him do it a few times and it's so funny because he walks around in a matching outfit with the dog of course He's in like a gorgeous suit that costs more than my life And uh, he walks around with that little dog jiggy in the same outfit or whatever I don't even know if the dogs real. I've never even seen it move like for all I know it could just be a little puff of something, you know in a sweater and he just Hello Hello and people are like Can we get a picture with you? Show he never smiles. He's like show and he just stands there click click click do it again different angle, you know tourist We are a done it and he's just you know when he's done he just Hello Hello continues Cleaning the lobby dummy. How many stores do you have up in right now? So I have Everything nails the painted nail high society, which is like my little hip cute Harry Potter esque tea house that's opening in like a month What are you going to have medical marijuana at the bottom? You should have some special cupcakes. That's a perfect name No, but we do have the Truman cup hotie and it's our featured scone and a large cup of tea I need to ask you a very important question. Okay. Do you serve fetus brew? We do we're going to have that So you're going to get a guric machine basically is what you're saying. Um, yeah, no Can I just tell you though? We are going to have cold press on tap and our tea is keg So you got um you can bring in a growler and get art for all gray. I don't know what any of that means Wow It's just hip cool shit that I feel like you know LA really needs because everyone's on this like Stupid, you know craft coffee thing where it's like let's make it better than that Yeah, let's make it craft tea Yeah, it's like if if alson wonderland went to prep school with harry potter That's the whole design of the place. I think that uh, the millennials comes oh so old I know I know how I sound but kids today is what i'm trying to say basically I think that there's something different in the way that they grew up Chemically like there was something different in the air because their noses are everything Have you noticed that like the tea you'll have to know everything about that tea Because those hipsters are going to come in and be like well the guava flower that grows in the Himalayas Yeah, this is definitely not Yeah, first flush darjeeling this seems like it's more like quarter of the mile down the mountain Like I know it's going to be that yet. None of these people have jobs Because they can only work like a three-day work week And they can't show up on time because they have things that they need to get done in the morning that interfere with their job And then they have to take multiple vacations throughout the month I know I run storefronts. It's hiring anybody under 25 is like Literally, I'd rather play russian roulette With Isis With Isis Yeah, I would You know they'll cheat too Double like sorry. There was a bullet in every machine got bored. I know I would rather do that with a what's it called a korishnikov Well, I know how painful that can be because I was one of those employees once Yeah, well, you know what when I was in my 20s I actually went to work and I listened to my boss and I didn't post bullshit on social media So we didn't have it done. I know it's because we didn't have so yeah, but there was no instagram You just talked shit about each other in the break room or the you know like the wait station or whatever I know and then when someone's like did you say that about me like no and they're like well I saw it on blah blah blah blah nowadays. There's like twitter and instagram and snapchat And I don't even know half the shit that's out there I literally know how to do instagram and social media, which I'm at the painted nail and at high society H i s o c i e t e a pinkies up Um, yeah, but I mean I just I think that you know watching vanderpump rules is a Sorry reminder of people who are 25 and under and I don't know what happened I think everybody must have like done ghp when they were they were pregnant and this is what the result is I think they're pretty normal. They just have access to more dick um drugs And money and fame for no reason it's kind of amazing if you think about it, you know being famous and And being a waiter. I like that. I mean, I've I've grown to love that idea, you know I think it's I think it gives people false hope And I I think what it does is makes anyone think they can just move to l.a And well they can I mean, that's the thing if you're hot you can that's the hilarious thing about l.a It's like we reward complete ignorant stupid Gorgeous people, you know, we'll we'll ignore the bad stuff as long as you're hot and then we complain We're like they're so dumb. Well, of course they're dumb. It's like giving a dog a treat and then getting mad that he paid the treat Oh my god, so I would radge, you know, I'm okay then. I'm okay with this situation I would rather be marginally okay looking but superior in my intelligence I guess we're on the same page then ronnie. You're no you're really good looking the thing is It's about being good looking and like 25 I think that's like the maturity level, you know, there's you know, you're like a a carton of milk People will barely touch you even when you're perfectly at the right date because every other milk looks just the same You know, they're not going to get some old-ass milk from the back You know what I actually drink the old-ass milk. So I guess that sets me apart you do Well, it's almond milk. So I feel like it doesn't expire. Oh almond milk's not the same I can't drink regular milk. It reminds me of girl scouts when I had to milk a cow in upstate New York And that smell of like hot udder mixed with that milky Gross smell every time I smell milk. I'm like, oh girl scouts when I threw up at some like dairy farm in upstate New York Oh my god, the girl scouts make me love milk That's when I fell in love with milk thin mints and milk. Oh my god girl scouts all of you I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna give you a counterpoint to everything you say. I'm like no waiters are amazing No cow cow you know Squeezing cow teep is great for drinks. We would be the perfect couple that because we don't agree on any I'm like a Walter with no money. I'm a broke author I'm a talentless a broke Walter your broke Walter. Oh my god speaking of which I totally wish I could talk about the project He's working on right now But I will say this yesterday. I we were gonna do this podcast yesterday. However, Michael Bolton was singing I believe it was like moon river or something in my living room. So we couldn't do it But he's working on another album. That's so exciting But I'm like sworn to secrecy. So I literally can't talk about it, but you just like said No, that's a different one. That's a different one. Oh Put it this way. She's a woman. She's a huge diva everyone in the world loves her She's massively famous and she can do no wrong in anyone's eyes. So Miley Cyrus You nailed it Sheena Marie. It's definitely Sheena's. No, it's actually Luan de las mums I know that that's not true because she's playing Thanksgiving in jamaica, New York at Wait, is she real does she really tour? Oh Well, I don't know if it's a tour she you know the housewives you'll go They'll give you 20,000 bucks to shot to show up at some Las Vegas Bar or whatever some Las Vegas club and then they put it all over the billboards in town or in Atlantic city You see it a lot there. They'll be like Is it Atlantic city broke the busboy from Vanderpump rules? It's going to be here two nights before new years $50 And people really go to that. Oh, yeah My parents went to one a long time ago and Anna Nicole Smith was there because my parents loved vegas So obviously i'm dating myself, but it was a long time ago and my mom goes who's that slight? And I said god mom, that's the point like you celebrate it And she's like she got up there for Thanksgiving and she didn't even know how to count Have about it. Oh, what happened to you 10 9 Seven Like she'd start talking to people. My mom was like new years Was rung in by everyone else before her she couldn't even remember how to do it I remember her poor assistant Kimmy where she'd be like kimmy Kimmy God that show was so good. That was one of my all rip rip I loved her. Yeah, she was an amazing nut They made a tv movie about her, but the guy who played her was so serious I had to turn it off because it was so sad like I really like the laughing part I don't like the whole dying of an overdose or whatever. That was terrible. Um, you know what the guy um Or what is it? Uh, Larry whatever. I thought he was supposed to get a reality show with the daughter danny linn I don't Someone seems to somebody and then they had a deal on e for e for a new e-show And it was gonna be danny linn and larry not larry david. What's his name? Could you imagine? All right, go ahead do your dance. Isn't she talented everybody? Oh my god, that's pseudo burnies anders. Um, I just I feel like um, that would have been a great show I would have watched it just because I loved Anna Nicole's miss so much And that would have been something I watched but I don't know what happened to it So if anybody knows, I mean feel free to leave something in my comments where I can look it up Well, everybody was suing everybody I mean they were like money money money grabbing money grabbing money grabbing money and like trying to get money from everything Anna Nicole actually did win She she lost one but one in another like 800 million dollars or something But the money is in the trust for danny linn now. Yeah, and I think someone was trying to get control of the trust or I mean I don't know. It's over. It's sadly. It's over. That wasn't the fun part. Anyway, you know I know why are we been talking about it out the desk? There's a go. Yeah, edit all out the horrible thing What's the point of being a celebrity if you can't just edit your life? And if you can't well, I don't need to see the unedited unlike real housewives uncensored No, actually we have more to talk about before we get to that So You have a lot going on Tell me everything because you've already had a show the nail files And you've been on a zillion other reality shows. What were you on recently? My big fat sweet greek wedding live Oh, yeah, so I you know normally I do like home and family. That's you know, like my gig Um, I'm the hallmark channel, but I did the fab life, which oh my god. Did you hear the news her bank's quit? She quit her own show. What happened? I have no idea. I think there was a lot of beef between Chrissy Teigen and and Tyra Um because there was just some weirdness there But I know that she wishes everybody well and she's still gonna kind of oversee I think like executive producer or whatever But if you watched it, it was a lot about Tyra and like her makeup line and Tyra beauty and Tyra this and what else is she? Gonna talk about I've never heard her talk about anything else I know it's just got so obnoxious to the point where it's like it's a giant infomercial You know, I went on that show. I had 300 gift bags I put together for the audience that had nail polishes and do it yourself nail kits and all that It literally cost me like thousands of dollars and I wasn't even allowed to say it was from the painted nail Oh, wow Because it was a cosmetic line after I already talked to the producers and everything was cleared Then they cut my segment out completely because they didn't want to show my brand Yes, whoa Yeah, it was ridiculous. I was like I'm never doing this again Like it was honestly like a really awful experience I did get paid and the producer was really nice because I worked with her before on nail files But it was just so like they just kind of like it was like having a um What's that called a C section where it's like, you know, you go in they cut you open take the baby out and then on to the next Like that's literally how I felt Yeah, but then they didn't ever tell anybody or anything or just acknowledge that they were even pregnant It's like it's weird. Yeah, it's like I'm fit. I didn't even know I was pregnant like that show That's what it was like. It was I had a baby in the toilet Yeah, I was at my prom and all of a sudden I went to pee and a baby fell out and you're like really you really did not How do you not know you're pregnant? Like that's insane. Anyways, well, that's what that show I will reference it to and now everyone's pregnant on that show and Tyra's gone. I don't know. I they should just call it the shit show and so the fat life but um So I was doing that and clearly, you know, probably you're not going to be called back for it And then I was well who cares? I mean, what are you gonna do? They're like, would you come back and then um bring products and then we'll cut you out again Yeah, that was really fun felt good to us come back Yeah, give away all free stuff that costs you thousands of dollars and then we won't even give you a shout out Um, yeah, Tyra used it too. She was like, wow, this shit's good I know she did probably this is really long lasting the the glass isn't lying. This is a new formula I shall find out formula. I know probably the next thing she has coming out is her Tyra. Do it yourself nails. So Um, but anyways, so I did that. I mean, I love home and family. That's like my my one gig But yeah, the my salon's been featured on home and family is I don't know what that is And I'm so sorry that I don't even know what that is, but you know, you have to tell me this stuff It's a talk show. That's a daily talk show. That's on the hallmark channel. You're on a talk show every day Not every day. I do it. Maybe like two or three times a month. Whoa. I didn't know that What do you so you do is that what you talk about home and what home and garden? It's like it's like filmed in the old leave it to be your house up at universal backlaw It's really fun and it's mark stynus who used to host I think like extra access hollywood and christina ferrari and You know, it's just a fun show. They have like cooking segments and do it yourself stop and page from Uh, what was that? Uh extreme makeover home edition is on it and debbie matenopolis is on it and Oh, right on. Yeah, it's cute. It's like this could be sisters I I know I hear that all the time remember when she was fired from the view because she danced at coyote ugly Is that what she did? I don't remember. I remember that she was always arguing She'd be like, uh, well, whatever bar bra. I know she so they had her go on assignment to coyote ugly when the movie like came out So she went down there and part of the thing was is to get up on the bar and like swing your shirt around So she did that and cut to like literally the next day barber welters finds out And barber a walla said that's it, you know, you're out of here and fired her for basically sending her on assignment to do her job Oh snapple. I know so then they got that little elizabeth fox news lover in there I can't remember what her name was but oh elizabeth hasselbeck's in the news too because she's leaving fox and friends And she's leaving Her says she's leaving to spend more time with her family and i'm like wow That's like a politician who gives a blowjob in the bathroom like that's why they leave what she do Yeah, what'd she do something happens because you don't just leave a job like that at such a position unless something there's creative differences That's another way of saying it or eric irreconcilable differences Yeah, she's been she's been working with those kids since before they were born You don't suddenly decide that family's better done. I I know it's and her kids are like 10 So that's what's weird. Yeah, she's like now that the kids are old enough not to need me. I'm gonna go home And focus on my family Yeah, I don't know. I don't know there's always such weird stuff in television I mean, you know, I told you gosh It was like in February of last year that I was asked to housewives Beverly Hills housewives again And remember we went back and forth like you were the only person I told because I was like Are you gonna totally if I do the show am I gonna be like the brunt of all your jokes? And yes, well, I mean not the but of course But you know, the more I watched the more I started having like horrible anxiety like there's first of all There's no fucking way I'm gonna fit in because I'm in my 30s and I don't want to be looked at as dumb dumb Megan um And then which oddly enough when we get to it. I mean, can we just fucking discuss last night? It's crazy Um Megan was right all along Um What yeah, I just wanted a casserole. So I don't know why everybody so upset with me because you know, all I really bought it at the end of the day was some dinner And nobody could even send me some dinner. You know, so You have to over an unsafe with a terrible man I can't do it if I add the if I add the nasal in I try to get the nasal because she is so nasally But uh, I really can only do it if I tack like this which doesn't really sound like you're anyway But in my mind it works unless she always says a email I received an a email that said Um the post man came in and he wrote something down with his sharpie on a post it. No, you know an email He wrote me a email. I'm like, it's an an email An it's not a email like When is she gonna ever fucking get that right? It shrives me Absolutely crazy. Every word is so over-anunciated. I think someone told her if she does that she'll sound You know, it's like over-anunci everything. So it sounds like you know what you're talking about I like you're an idiot, but as long as you sound like you're under as long as you understand phonetically what you're saying That's how people are really looking for and I was looking through my emails and I saw I noticed they wrote me They wrote me a email and I'm like, how is that doesn't she listen to herself and go oops? Or does she just think she's right? She's tricky that one. She's a master Well, I don't know a master, but she's very manipulative She'll change her voice or change her cadence with whatever's going on. So when she's in trouble, she'll do things like Well, you know, I saw the letters and no, no, I don't believe him because then there was an email So that means he doesn't have cancer then Like she'll start talking like a little kid. I know she and when she tries to parent Haley That's always my worst when she's trying to stir her rice oroni that she already burned. Wait Megan Yes. Oh, I'm talking about Vicki. Okay. That is how bad my Vicki impression is that you think it's Megan. No, this is Megan Haley, I'm making rice Megan's basically my christian too Oh my god. Yes, but here's the thing. So this is what I didn't understand why why did they have to put um, so the two new cast members on um real housewives by verley hills One of them is married to a guy that's like almost 90 years old Which one oh my god. We you don't know this No, because I actually recap that show on trash talk tv plus talk about it on this show So I ignore it until it's back in my face when they're like it's on. I'm like, okay. I'm sitting down. I'm doing this Okay, so the newest housewife, um, her name is like erica jane. I think erica jane. She's a singer Which is so weird because I I like literally have never heard of her And I mean, you think I would know right erica. I don't know or you. Oh, well. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Walter. Durer. I'm like really? Yeah, erica jane. I mean really you think I would know so they added her into the cast Um her and this woman named katherine adwords And the funny thing is is so erica jane gets her nails done by a friend of mine Who like does everybody from like she just did adele's nails for us and help Well, as we've learned from housewives the bitches who do the nails know everything Um, they do. I know we we know everything. So, um, so so katherine edwards is married to Um, donnie edwards he used to play in the NFL like a bazillion years ago and erica Is married to thomas jirardi who who is a lawyer? He's like an attorney, but the funny thing is Is there like a bazillion years difference? Oh, yeah, well, isn't she isn't she older I thought she was like late 30s, but apparently she's she's in her 40s and the funny thing was is um Yolanda foster was not going to come back, but they were going to have do you know cody simpson the singer? Oh, yeah. I read that his mom got deported. I guess what happened Okay. So yeah, because they're from australia and so what happens is is you to be on the show You have to have of either a work visa or a citizen So to get it's a job. You're getting paid in the united states That's why a lot of people who try out for like the voice and all those shows They they either have to withdraw from it or they can't be on it because they don't have work visas and they could be extremely talented But and it is not the case right. I read something someone posted a tweet that she wrote saying I was looking forward to being on the real housewives of Beverly Hills, but unfortunately i've been sent back home Yeah, it's so weird like so I guess that's why it took so long to kind of figure out like what was going on And literally yeah And she also mentioned that she it was a long process that she fought really hard for which I thought was interesting because I always kind of thought of the process as them being like you want to do it and then people are like, yes And then that's it. I didn't know it was like a big like the voice, you know But come in and just yell at somebody for being late No, so it's kind of crazy how they do the process. So first they call you in right and it's like last year So the year before I got called in and waltter was like absolutely not, you know, whatever So then this year again, they called me and I was like, you know what i'm just gonna go and see what it's all about So they put you on tape it takes like an hour and they ask you like every single question about your life How well do you know everybody like Lisa Rina, Yolanda, all those people Yolanda would have been like hello Katie Um, you were on the fab life welcome to the even fabber life No, I actually saw her at kennie g's concert in downtown LA like everybody was there martin cats and all these people And I saw her backstage and all day enough. She was really nice to me And she gave me a kiss on my lips and her lips were wet It was I was like, oh my god, am I gonna get live disease? Like I was like, what the no, that's not she's not a tick She's got some obnoxious qualities, but the you know give the some give the woman some credit Oh my god. Oh, so I know I didn't know anything about it, but regardless so So she I wasn't even sure she was gonna come back because David was saying, you know, she's sick and blah blah blah blah So i'm like, you know what maybe i'll go in for it and see so you go through this long process and then it takes months and months and months and they do all this background chat they do all this stuff on you like Googling and internet and all that my their issue with me was I was already on another show just a year and a half before So they think it was too new, but then they came back. They're like, okay Well, the network wants to meet with you blah blah. So I go back in again Then they were like, okay, the network really likes you. We want to film at your house So then they come and they film at the house with walter Then they want to meet your friends. I mean it took from think about it I didn't get an answer until I was up to do other shows until august and I went in in february this past year And during that time in june I was asked to do a new show for e which is like, oh wait, wait Before you move on there. I have to ask you. Yeah, what was your scene with walter at home? What were you guys doing? I love those scenes like candles being all awkward I know it was so weird like it's so uncomfortable and you can tell when people are uncomfortable with cameras Walter is always In the beginning uncomfortable like when we were doing nail files so the cameras would come in You know, I had a long day. I have like all this crap. I have to do. I come and the cameras are following me at this point I don't even understand what's happening. I walk in and Walter's like, oh, hello there So how was your day? And I'm like, what the fuck? Like I was like, why are you talking to me like this? This is so weird And and there's no thing about there's no director. There's no whatever The way will the way we filmed it was supernatural. So I don't I've seen how they film real housewives because we did Kim and Taylor trying to reconcile in the painted nail and it was like very like set up like okay now You're gonna walk in. Okay. Now you're gonna blah blah blah. Why would you put Kim in a chemical tank Pilled with nothing but huffable things to make up with Taylor of all people What the hell we'll get to that when we get to the main show, but what the hell these producers are so fucking evil Okay, they're like, yeah, put Kim Richards in the nail thing. All right. Call Katie. It's like Jesus people. I have some respect Okay, so anyway, go ahead. Okay, so anyways, so it was definitely uncomfortable It's like when they filmed komora member komora show life in the fab lane They filmed it um in my Store and like literally she was like, I don't know what to talk about and then the people the producers like okay Well, why don't you talk about like your daughter and her new jewelry line with um uh Simmons jewelry or whatever and it's like everything was so weird that like I get why people kind of do like the underpump rules because These are clueless kids that like they're they're not rehearsed They really kind of just throw them in these situations and just let it like Jersey Shore They didn't have to rehearse anything. It's very organic and I think that's why those shows Work as opposed to okay. You guys you're gonna meet here at one and okay now you're gonna walk in and you can kind of tell when that shit's like super set up Let's reshoot the walk in. All right. Everybody reset. We're gonna walk in again That's why it was so eye opening to watch uncensored real housewives last night because you're like full the good shit They're not even filming like oh, yeah, I was like this is the shit that should be on tv Not like everyone waking up with fake lashes and extensions already and speaking of which oh my god Okay, I have to tell you something. Okay. Everyone's gonna love this So I was getting out of work at the w so both my stores are at the w hotel and also you're a prostitute Yeah You can do everything and you're gonna have a t-shirt there Yeah, no, but this is such a crazy thing. So they had this okay magazine party and I was like, all right I'll just go upstairs and see how it is cut to is, you know, whatever So I walked back downstairs. I'm like, I'm just gonna get a drink. Well, it's called okay darling I mean, what did you expect? I know it was okay Um, so I go to the bar to grab a drink because the W is like my home away from home and Lizzy from real housewives about of orange county is sitting at the bar alone Cut to she her and I start talking She was went to university, Kentucky. I went to UK. I danced there cheered, you know, the whole thing We become instant friends then Taylor shows up from real housewives of Beverly Hills We start talking so I'm like, hey, do you guys know Jen Redinger the casting director from real housewives? They're like, oh my god Yes, so we fucking all decide to call Jen Redinger and talk to her on the phone And she's like, what the hell are you doing with all the girls blah blah blah blah blah blah like it was this crazy whole scene And then Taylor texts me like a couple days later. It's like I want to bring Kennedy in to get her nails done Mm-hmm, but she was asked I guess to be on the show But now she's going to be a friend of the housewives and so is Lizzy she got demoted to friend of the housewives. Well lizzy already was this year She so she was she's already a friend of the housewives. Yeah And Taylor, yeah, it wasn't sure what they were doing I guess Taylor is going to come in and fight with Yolanda about Lyme But I'm not sure it seems like the season's going to be everybody going against Yolanda for the Lyme disease, but I don't know I don't know it's kind of weird and the here's the even weirder part So she was telling me about her book thing like she tours and does um speaks against domestic violence It's so crazy. She was telling me like how bravo like totally manipulated the whole thing about Russell committing suicide and like how all that shit was like so awful and honestly it was it was really Heart-wrenching to hear her side of it like it was like it's totally she was opening up to me about all the shit She has a tight what do you mean? They manipulated it that's interesting because I've had a lot of rude judgmental things to say about it So there's another side handed over. Yeah, so so Taylor was telling me that um one of the things they didn't Show is that she got so hard in her face when Russell got drunk and they got in this huge fight She has a titanium jaw a titanium cheek plate And had to have her jaw um fixed and then she also has underneath one of her eyes Um, it's like you can feel it. I like felt her face And she had black eyes. She like showed me photos The shit was like so scary and that that's why Kennedy has like a lot of like social Anxiety and problems like they didn't show any of that they basically made it out Like Taylor wants to keep up with the Joneses, but they and that was the character that was built around her Yes, she liked to throw over the top parties and yes, she would say crazy things But that's all that they would show there was other shit that they did not well they did I mean um just to play the doubles advocate. They did Show that like they did show that it was a super awkward marriage I mean the first Season they all go to Vegas and and Russell's there and he just wants to leave like he doesn't want to speak to anybody super uncomfortable And she was drunk and it got really awkward and that's when everybody started talking about it And then every time Kennedy was around Kennedy was always very quiet and very kind of awkward Um, there was there was always something Something going on over there for sure And she did make it She was really over the top like in the and we'll talk about it in the main show But when she was talking about the party and you know, she's like, yeah I mean it looked like it was just all about me and kia was the one who looks like a good mom because she's just having Like a normal party and i'm the one who looks like i'm crazy, but i'm over it I was like, yeah, but you literally were you had dana from dana. I mean, that's all you need to say dana The party planner who she's like just make it amazing. It's like I want golden Eggs grand or something. Yeah, it's like dancing on the tables. I mean Which, you know, it was fun. That was a great a great scene and everything. I'm not even dissing her for it I'm just saying like sometimes it's better to just say Yeah, I mean, I look like an asshole on tv. I never had an idea I was that much of an asshole until I saw myself and now i'm better like kamiel Oh god Okay, we can't move on because this is like a full-on bonus now because we've got so much stuff So I want to hear about the new is that okay that this is a bonus? I mean, here's the thing so so i'm doing the new e-show and If all goes well and it goes like full series pickup because you never know shows can come out They can air one episode see how it fares with like, you know, the test audience or you know, whatever and it may not go So I always say, you know, it's not a done deal until I see a full series pickup. Yes, I did sign stuff Yes, it's you know, I always say like until that check is cashed I am always nervous and hesitant, you know, because I don't want to jinx it, but I it's not real until someone's turned you into a gift meme I know so I did sign a deal with nbc universal and we are gonna film I I kind of have an inkling of who the other women are Um that I cannot say because I know they want to do like in a you know kind of a thing But I did hear that jeff timmons wife was up for it Um from 98 degrees, you know, who's the chip in dale in vegas and then Some big Beverly Hills plastic surgeon and then somebody else but the funny thing is is like I was told that the none of the other women have jobs So i'm like it's gonna be like I don't even know how we're gonna schedule this because I literally am jamaican and have like 13 jobs So what do you lazy? I got a job man. You only got eight jobs. I got 13 jobs So it's gonna be weird because I do run like a bazillion things and I don't you know, I don't know We'll see how it fares out. It's well. You're there's always that That lady on the house lives. She's like I work. I work. This is what I do. I work You'll be like the vicky slash lea black meets lisa vander bop You think you're not a lisa vander from telling okay first of all, I'm so not a lisa vander pump Like I I don't even own a pair of spanks. I like to wear flannels You liar. You don't own any spanks. No, I don't own any spanks baby. I'm a size two I won't make you pina cop No, I know that you like keep on top of that shit But I just don't know anybody it's like a police officer going out without a bulletproof vest like you could do that But why would you what am I first of all where am I get what are the spanks gonna do for me? I was a gymnast. I don't have children. I work out regularly I plan a football team on saturday is like I please softball on thursday nights. I well first off all of that's disgusting So just stop doing all of that sit down and watch your television See I write my motorcycle to those games. So I'm I'm like I'm borderline like, you know, I could date women Oh my god. I wear my flannel to my football game on my mother's I'm not glamorous at all. I can get glammed up, but I don't have a swan in my pond. I have koi fish So there's a difference. I have ugly koi instead of a big swan that I carry around to my fancy Beverly Hills restaurants Um, what housewife do you think you would be? Like if you were cast, you know how there's certain types of Do you think you would be that one who's just like I'm working. I'm working and here's my business Hey, come in and look at my nail ball. Like what would you you know, I don't know I always think about that. Like where would I fit in? I and that's that's a huge question that they always ask you and all the casting things From the producers to the cast directors to the network. They all say Who do you think that you would get along the most with and who don't you think you would? And You know old school kyle richards. I thought I would but now the new one That's like very visible and on tv and all this. I don't think I would even though she does run a run And I use that one with my air quotes signs Um, I don't even though she does run run a business. Oh, oh I don't think honestly, I don't know I feel like I'm kind of upstate yorky still living in this weird l.a Life and nothing really faces me. So I I still love to blow it out at target I go to shitty bars. I like to drink beers. I I don't know. I don't know what happened It's hard for me to get fancy. Well, I don't think it's about getting fancy because eventually, well, I mean It's a different show. So I have no idea, but I would imagine that they'd be like, okay, you guys are going to have lunch at this place and Someone's going to be some kind of a drama queen and start some shit over nothing, you know I think i'm going to be I think my whole role is I run businesses. I run a real brand. I work really hard I don't really take a lot of vacation time or breaks, which I haven't nine years I care about my friends. I will punch someone in the mouth if they Won't shut the hell up. So I feel like I might be the one first one to get arrested. I if you want to know the truth A temporary do you have a temper on you? Oh my god, like I'm fiery. I'm small, but mighty So it's like I because I don't I can't stand with people like brandy I would have punched so hard in her stupid fat whore mouth Like there's no way We could have like when she said that shit to nicky edmonds to babyface his wife at yolanda's dinner Oh, what did she say again? How much did you cost because like he bought you right? Yeah, like I can't even see it like hold trying to hold up a ring Oh, yeah, it's you don't even have a ring like Your husband's fucking lianne rimes like give me a break like to me I would have been so defensive and crazy. I would have I would have been I would be the tariest of judice But I you know I pay my bills That's who I would be or jew guys or whatever the hell it is. Yes. I've seen no reason to waste a good table setting Oh my god. Oh my god. What if I am the tariest uh well minus the prison bank Okay, please do you scenes with waltter? Where you like waltter? Do you want to do it? You want to do it? Yeah, let's do it. Well, jude ice impersonation. Mm-hmm. Oh my god, please make him beat joe jude ice So what okay, what okay, so okay? So I'm going to jail. So they get blowjobs in jail, huh? Huh? I'm not gonna have to suck some thicken day. Tell me the truth That's like his only question about jail was how much dick he was gonna have to suck or how much he was gonna get his dick I think they even brought that guy to help him. He's like you've got any questions and he's like yeah, hey I'm gonna get blowjobs in there. Huh? What's it like in me? Bjs. I love it. I fucking love it. I think it's gonna be listen I'm a little hesitant about what by the way did real housewives in New Jersey come on and then just go off Uh, no, it didn't just come on. Oh, that was the special There was a three-part special called dunston checks treat tariza checks in And so they had a three-episode thing where tariza would call from jail and he'd be like ring Hey, it's sereza. Hey This is a call from the Danbury correction of Danbury correction facility. Do you accept me? Be like yeah, so what? Hey joe Joe girls in here got delto's joe joe. I hear i'm doing it all night with delto's and he's like game so what And then and they fill all the middle parts in with the lawyer. I swear to you they give the lawyer, uh, Talking head sessions like okay that lawyer I he's got air like mary kate nashley ulston's business manager and tommy mitola like where you look at it. You're like that is so Transplant from like 1989 that is some saw good man hair That is totally saw good man hair. He's from the back of the he's like a back of the bus lawyer But they gave him those like glowy glowy effect Talking head sections. They're like lawyer. How do you feel and he's like well? It's really sad to be in a home with the parent is taken from the child from the very very sad Very sad. By the way, i'm hopping on a plane to go on my vacation in florida. So i'll be right there Like it's just so any more questions. I'm charging you $500 in hawa That sounds like my lawyer It was three episodes of that it was ridiculous and now terese is coming out with her book from prison I guess she wrote on napkins. I mean who the hell knows I wrote it with a plastic spoon show on a delta. How are they still living in that house though? They got it paid off How how the fuck did that happen? I know i've been calling. I mean i've said this five times and since it's all cut together as one episode I know i've said it too much but extreme home makeover brow co-edition. That's what they're doing now It's like they're making people famous who spend too much money. It's like a credit scam They get people addicted to the money and then they own them for the rest of their life They're like, okay, your house is almost gone. We're doing a special in jail and you're coming out with a new book And you can do the little bit on yeah Because I don't think she wanted any of that shit shown but now it's like we'll we'll let you keep your house Like we'll pay off your mortgage and your debts I mean look at you know that the new girl that's on real house was at Beverly Hills erica chain Her husband has like they owe like millions of dollars in back taxes Like literally millions and millions and millions of dollars in back taxes to the irs to franchise tax board like literally We're talking like a million dollars. He's almost 80 and she's 46 Yes, she's Gwen Stefani's age and and imagine Gwen Stefani being with an almost 80 year old Well, does that transfer when he dies like will she be stuck with back taxes or does that all expire when he goes? They're married. So what happens if she can't just kill him. Okay. Well, what if they have a prenut? It doesn't matter the spouse assumes the responsibility. So that is disgusting So that's why that's why women are always running credit checks on on men. Some of my girlfriends do that. It's very smart You know, they'll run like a yeah You got it or at least if or at least pay the liens off like yes, everybody can go through tax problems There can always be hiccups with business management and that doesn't make you a bad person It happens to everybody However, if it keeps going and going and then the outstanding taxes never get paid and then there's all these liens filed Like let's say he dies All of that debt will now be her debt Which I feel like is going to like be such a good season of this like I've told listen You've got to keep me on the roster for this because I feel like it's only going to get so fucking juicy Like the guy is going to slip on a banana peel She's going to collect the insurance, but it's not going to be enough to pay the liens She's not going to live for private jet. She's flying around in fucking private jets Yet they owe like ten million dollars in back taxes. Oh, that's how they do. Oh my goodness Yeah, that's the real house was in New Jersey. I mean there chorices and jail for you know, whatever She doesn't even seem to know nobody really seems to know really like something so did something You took something on some papers They took out what is it called when you um you finance they defrauded Uh the bankruptcy court or tried to they lied to the bankruptcy court and what do you know bankruptcy fraud? I actually do know what they were doing. I'm just kidding But if you ask them they're like what I don't know we signed some papers was stupid that we we signed papers that people made a sign And we had no idea what we was doing. Oh, right? Joe said yet now I understand, you know, like you got to read everything Whatever everybody's telling me that I did something bad. So, you know, I've learned so what so I did something bad So, okay, I'm sorry. Whatever you think I did this bad. I'm sorry that you think I did something bad Like that's not really kind of the same thing. This sounds so remorseful. It's like, oh, okay Yeah, so I bash this guy's head in and he died But when I was kicking him and his head, I didn't think he was gonna die and he died So what do you want me to do about it? It's like oh my god. Wow, you're such an awesome person I didn't know I didn't know what so far who cares but um anyway any who's all yeah, that might be really good What were we talking about? Real housewives of New Jersey and how I thought the show was on but then it didn't it was just like a special And then we were talking about. Oh, yeah, she wrote her book in prison. Okay, so she yeah I think she wanted it shown. It's of course Teresa will make going to prison You know a chance to write a book take Pilates class every time she called she's like I just got back from Pilates class. Joe Hey, Joe. I just got back from yoga's Hey, Joe, Joe. I could touch my toes. I just by took a bike ride Jesus lady. She's like I I went on a canoe trip in the prison yard. Like where are you is like She's imprisoned at 24 hour of fitness stunning Exactly and you know like when Joe which was so stupid He should have had someone there to like stop what he said. Did you hear the part where he goes? Um, oh, you know, it's like being in a resort there. She gets acupuncture and she does this now I'm like, what the fuck kind of prison is this? I'm from upstate york I'm from almyra, New York We we have two of the biggest correctional facilities that are like maximum security and let me tell you something Those are not a resort. That is like where you don't want to go That's like you're getting a broomstick unlubed up your ass There's no there's no acupuncture. The only thing you're getting punctured is your butthole so There's I don't even I don't think he'll mind, you know It'll by the way I took a music class. Would you learn how to play? Oh the skin flute? Awesome Like hey, hey, Joe. What are you doing to prepare to go to prison working on my gag reflex, you know I got my fist almost in my mouth. So, you know, so what I got skills. I got skills I can do things with my hands in prison place is not to hide in prison the broom closet It's just such a such a scary weird thing that they're taking it so lightly It almost feels like they're like I thought it was a door. So what so I saw a door So I opened it and I went inside my close the door. I mean so what it could have gone in a hallway I didn't know I don't know what happened what what disgusting disgusting people But you don't want I mean I don't want to say I would relate to her at all, but she does work She does this. I mean look, I don't know. Yeah, she works She works. She works her her book is called which I've tried to say before I keep blabbering on her book It's called turning the tables. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. Is it really? Yes. So good. So perfect Um, and I'm sure that as many people will be reading that Uh, I don't even know how to finish that because she wouldn't she'll be like finish it Um, god, who's gonna read that book? Nobody darling, but they'll buy it and put it in their homes and be like, I love you tree I support you so strong. What you doing? Oh my god This fans for everybody darling if hitler were alive he'd have quite a following he'd have retweets and shit people being like You better speak the truth body. Oh my god. He actually would you right? He would have retweets He would have so many followers. Yeah, anybody can have a fine dollar Oh my god. Okay, so can we Yes, let's move on to the main show and discuss because this is a nice full bony baloney And we're putting out 30 hours of content this week. So I'll give people a chance to digest a bit Oh my god, it's so fun. A little aperitif and let's move on to the next show katie kazorals katie kazorla at the painted nail and what's the new what's the new one? Oh at high society. It's h i s o c i e and then t e a I cannot wait for your new show. What is it called? Are you allowed to say the title? You know what? I don't know if it's going to be called this but right now. I think it's called the second wives club I like that. Yeah, so do you remember that it wasn't that a movie? The first wives club was the movie Oh, yeah, that's right. They all get revenge on you bitches So it's like a promising title because bet midler and goldie hunk and dying ketan could like ruin your lives just for fun Well to be fair waltter was going through a divorce because his wife at the time was cheating on him So if anything it would be the other way around Oh, maybe we'll get to watch waltter get a little revenge or you can get walt you can get revenge for waltter He actually did get revenge. He got me. I'm younger cuter and funner and I have a job So lots of strikes against that old crow. Yeah, get out of here crow. Get out of here. Fucking crow Why don't you go sit on a wire somewhere? I didn't know it was a wire, but I just sat on it. I didn't know what it was I'm about hurts. Okay, everybody katie. I love you happy. Thanksgiving everybody If you like waltter at crappins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining wendry plus in the wendry app or on apple podcast Prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go Tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wendry.com slash survey I'm lindsay graham host a wendry show american scandal We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in u.s. History presidential lies environmental disasters corporate fraud In our latest series entrepreneur lu pearlman becomes the mastermind behind two of the biggest pop groups in the world the backstreet boys and in sync He also oversees a sprawling business empire that includes a charter jet company restaurants and real estate But pearlman's successful facade crumbles after he sued by the boy bands for siphoning millions from them And soon investigators discovered that pearlman is keeping his empire afloat through an even more devious scheme Follow american scandal on the wendry app or wherever you get your podcasts Experience all episodes ad-free and be the first to binge the newest seasons only on wendry plus You can join wendry plus in the wendry app apple podcasts or spotify start your free trial today
