Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know, that's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. 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For Hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Watch what krappins would like to thank its premium subscriber, Fristy Doherty. We love you, sugar mama. [MUSIC] Hey everybody, welcome to the Watch what krappins podcast, knocking into my mic in the first two seconds. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about, I'm Bravo. I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV, and as usual, I'm with the gorgeous fair head, fair-hearted whore of Babylon. [LAUGHTER] Well, as the Charlie Sheen, the Charlie Sheen. The hives of folly, hives of folly. The black melon is the hives of folly. The treasonous whore, Ben Mandelka. We were just reading the Charlie Sheen story in the bonus episode, so I'm still a little hurt. Yeah, thanks for listening to Watch what krappins. You can find us at Watch what krappins.com. All of our links are there. Come to facebook.com/watch what krappins to talk crap with us and all the listeners during the week. Some of these show comments have been gold, and the posting is out of control. There's so many new stories, so thank you. Also, thank you to everybody who subscribes on Patreon, that's patreon.com/watch what krappins. We just did our bonus episode. Like I said, and it was so much fun, and that's for you guys, so thank you. Yeah, this week's episode, we started off by talking about the Charlie Sheen news that he reveals that he's HIV positive, but we talked about that. And then we went through the Top Chef preview, and then that kicked off probably about 25 to 30 minutes of us talking about the Food Network. So if you have a side interest in the Food Network, which I'm sure a lot of you do, check out the bonus episode. Also something that's really- Or HIV or Top Chef, I mean that episode was all over the place. We literally talked about cleaning a cast iron for a minute. Yeah, but the other thing is that this episode, we're recording it about a week and a half before Thanksgiving, and we are Thanksgiving episode. We want it to be entirely crappins mailbag. And so we are going to actually pre-record the episode since I am going up to the Bay Area for a wedding and Thanksgiving and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So if you can go to our Facebook page and you'll see instructions on how to submit to the crappins mailbag and do it before noon on Wednesday, November 18th, please. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. That's our way of all kind of spending Thanksgiving together. Yeah, that's right. And also our monthly hangout is tomorrow night, Wednesday, November something. What is it? 19th, 18th, November 18th. That's going to be a crazy date. This is all crappins all day, every day for the next couple days. For two days. I'm very proud of it. Well, for us it is because I've got this crazy travel schedule. Yeah, we're going to be talking a lot. And tomorrow I'm going on Amy Phillips show. Oh, yes. Serious. So I'm so excited. Yeah. Oh, wait. So we are going to do, okay. Yeah, that works out perfectly. Yeah. So anyway, everybody, thanks for the last night. We've got a lot of shows to discuss. Yes, we certainly do. What do you want to start with? We certainly do. We want to start with my little darling friend. Well, why don't we start with Atlanta? Because we like to chomp the band. I'm sorry. You said that. I thought you were going to pick Vanderpoop. Well, because last week we decided to start with Atlanta. And you know, because our episodes have been going so long lately. It was we decided that we would end with Vanderpump rules that way. Once our coffee wears off, we'll have the fun of Vanderpump rules to carry us in the episode. That's true. That show could be fun even if you're near comatose. That's true. Yeah. And also your brain, your brain skills will match that if the cast. Even without the playing field a little bit. Exactly. Exactly. So yeah, let's get into some real housewives of Atlanta and some Vanderpump rules. And I think that that will be our big episode of today. Okay. So this week, unlike the first episode, which I don't know what was wrong with me, but this week actually paid attention to the opening allowance. And they were amazing being. Good. Only God can judge me. And he seems to be impressed. Like really? And what are you basing that off of? Did you get a peer review from God? Are we talking about your new shape wear? I mean, what are you? What are you thankful for right now? Be specific. Yeah, I haven't seen any promotions, so I'm not sure. Was there a suggestion box that you emptied out from God? God turned in evidence against Apollo. And now I'm free. Thanks for watching. God bless. You know what God's doing that thing in big business? You know, when Bedmidler goes, she's walked down country. Bedmidler goes down Fifth Avenue and she looks at a mannequin and the gay guy in the window looks at her and is like, and then she walks around and she gets some kids. And she shows up again with her, like, white sneakers. And he's like, okay, that's basically what Fager did. She put on some white sneakers and God was like, all right, girl, we can work it. God's like, now you're ready to run around the block. Yeah, now go over and sing with the band over there. You're a real New Yorker. Now you can go up and down the stairs. Hope you got those two letters in your backpack, girl. And she's like, I do God, I do. And he's like, I'm impressed. You're ready for a good black and white polka dot number right from the Plaza Hotel. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. That's the music that's plays. Oh, next up, Porsche. I'm about to give you life. You better swipe right, honey. I don't even know what her celebrity was so stupid. She's like, she said, I'm going to give you life. Something. I don't even know because I was just writing, you better swipe right, honey, because that's all she thinks about is fucking dating in men. She's like, hi, I'm Porsche. I'm going to give you life. You better step back and look at the sexiness. Shut up, Porsche. Oh, gosh. Seasons change, but Cynthia Bailey never goes out of style. Like, uh, I think that was literally a Mervance commercial. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know what else wasn't gone out of style, Togas? People still use them. It doesn't mean that you're going to want to wear them down the street, though. Still can't approve. Sorry. Cynthia Bailey is the tunic of the Real Housewives. Seasons change, but Peter never does. And that's fine by me. They're winter casuals. Yeah, you know what? You want to know what changes? People's demand for coffee. That's what we got. Pew's brew. And by the way, so, uh, I'd say, uh, I posted this on our Facebook page. It's an old video, but it's like, uh, it's a, it's a Peter's brew commercial, quote, unquote, commercial, and it's Cynthia and Peter talking to a blogger down in Atlanta. And so it's a minute long and it's hilarious. We may have even talked about this at one point, but he, the, the blogger is like, so why did you get into Peter's brew? And he's like, well, you know, coffee is the number one commodity in the world. And, uh, you know, people like coffee and there's no coffee out there that represents black people. So, uh, there you go. Peter's brew. And it's like, you're going to talk about the product at all. Like, it was a taste like. Where is it ground? Like where is it harvested? So people, you know, when people wake up in the morning, what do they do? What do they do? What do they do? Coffee. That's what they do every day. That's it. Peter's brew. Peter's brew. I'm like, can you say is it a dark roast? It's a medium roast. Like, is it where you get it from? How is it sold? It's a gering. It comes out of a machine. You press the button and then it comes out. He literally, he literally had nothing to say about his own product. It was amazing. And then he, then Cynthia, like, look at the camera, like, boom. Like, as if they just dropped the mic would like, yeah. Well, it's the number one commodity. So, boom. Oh, okay. That's why we should get Peter's brew. You can buy sunglasses when you're in there. There's like a little revolving display of gray band knockoffs by Cynthia. What do you call a crappy coffee that's also kind of a slut on TV? Peter's brew McLennan. Like coffee and flowy robs. It's just like a bunch of older, like, little swimming in, like, flowy robs in, like, fuzzy slippers. Darling, I could use a nice hot steaming cup. Everybody walk into the coffee shop, it goes... Dorothy comes in and just slaps her in the face with the newspaper. [LAUGHING] Thank you. That's what happened. You leave the store. Like, the slowest exit ever. You just have to stand there at the exit. I'm like, please don't clear the exit. You don't have to wait until the end of the song. Like, well, I don't want to be rude. It's Peter's brew, you can't be rude. Candy, I'm a hit maker and this year I reveal the best wine. You know that baby is going to be out of key and, like, I'm voting too hard. Yeah, and we didn't give Riley a, you know, a complex. She's not the best hit. She's like that first hit that puts you on the scene. She's like, she's like that first song by Rihanna. Like, S-O-S, whatever. And then, or pun to floor. She's like the mall tour. It's DJ'd. But then this is like, Umbrella is about to come out of candy now. That's like, great. Yeah, she's like, she's like the mall tour before the bowl, darling. Sorry, Riley. Riley. Mom, you're opening. Hurt my feelings. Oh, it's it. Riley, you're also a good hit. And then Kenya trying to sell something. So Kenya is that housewife who's always saying things like she's selling a product, but she doesn't have any products really. I mean, she has her hair and she has stuff like that. But she's always selling a product. I don't understand like this, for example. Don't come for me unless I twirl for you. So I get that you're putting all of your tag lines together, but I don't know what you're selling. You need to be more targeted, darling. I mean, where do I send my money to, Kenya? Yeah, you know, Kenya, your twirl thing is now like three seasons old. And it was like funny that one season. And you're really just like, it's time for a new, a new shtick. Okay, even, you know, Nini had close your legs to married men. Okay. And then she changed up to like, I'm very rich, bitch or whatever. Like, you know, you got to change it up now. The twirl thing is over. No one cares. Life twirls on. Like it's, it's over. Yes, you need to add, you need to add to it. While remembering the past, you need to create a future, darling. I mean, she is trying with her whole like, she could be like, don't come for me unless I twirl for you living in a ditch or like, unless I twirl for you and your bankrupt. I mean, I don't know what, what is she doing trying right now? I don't know. She's good. It's, it's, I'm over it though. Don't come for me unless I twirl for you. Hollywood's been good to us. Oh, and then we got 2D added in this week. Yeah, 2D came in. Faith, family and career, those are my facts of life. Then why did you just put a question at the end of that? Yeah. How's that effect? Take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and now you're on the real housewives. The fact of life. Faith, family and career, those are facts. No, it's a question 2D. Refrays. Oh. I'm usually terrified of any housewife who opens up with faith as her first word, because this isn't normal faith. This is brava faith, all right? And brava faith, faith is not good for anybody in your neighborhood, okay? No, no, yeah. I, I don't like hearing that either, but I guess we'll see. The jury's still out on her. So yeah, so then, those were all the taglines, right? Was there anyone else? Yeah, and then it just gets, it's like faith, family, positivity. And then charay fighting. Well, I upgraded this neighborhood, including your lot, which is in the ditch, honey. And Kenya. Well, I'll still be in the ditch and you'll be outside the ditch in a tent, because you can't crawl out of a ditch to get a key to go into your house, because your house is dumb. Switch the ditch. So your house is in it. The your broke ass house is worse than my broke ass house fight. Yeah, exactly. I love that charay was talking about being reformed. She's like, I've reformed now. I'm reformed. I'm like, no, well, I'll see it when I believe it. And far as I can tell. And then she does this. Head turn charay does this like satanic right at her. Like she's like, I'll kill you. I'll cut you right now, Bitch. Yeah, charay looks like she's been on steroids or something about like, she sort of has that female bodybuilder look, you know, like scary, thick necked manly thing going on. Yes, like she was about to be buddied and she got the bottom of her hands and just like pushed into her eyes and then imprinted, you know, the mascara above her eyes. So now she has those crazy cartoon mascara eyes. And she just looks crazy. She's like, I don't do that anymore. I'm reformed. Yeah, then Scarlett, Scarlett Johansson comes out from nowhere and she's like, hey, big guy. Settle down. Scarlett Johansson. She puts her hand out. Just calm down charay. Calm down. I'd love to be here to help you calm down. I'd love to be here to help you calm down charay. But you deserve somebody who can have babies. I'm just a worthless woman. I'm going to go kill myself now. Well, what happened to this show? Oh, yeah, we're churning the second episode. So then there was also, so Peter, meanwhile, this ends with Kenya going when she's leaving. She goes, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I called you a bitch ass bitch face. It's like, I said, I'm sorry. Bye. Okay. Yeah. So then it comes to Peter. So can you came up to me? And Mallory, she's like, you need to grow up and just take it. Peter. Yeah. Well, Peter is like, you know, he's like, explaining the video. He's like, yes, I was drunk. Yes, I put my hand on her. Yes. Okay. So maybe I like finger banger below the shot of the camera. Maybe this, but she has no right to say any of this to me. Like, shut up. And he grabs Mallory's neck too. He's like, yes, without me. And yes, I noticed some proof. And yes, I strangled the bitch like this. But so it looks different when it's in a square thing on Instagram. It's different. It was a different angle. Like, uh, he's such a, yeah. And literally they're spreading Mallory right now. I know. And then, and then like, uh, you know, Cynthia's just like, why can't you just take the high road when Kenya starts? Because I had to prove it was a friend of me and she has to know that she had a friend of me. And then he has like a tangent storms out. Shut up. Just too much brew. That man said too much brew. Can you support me just trying to feel good about myself? She's like, I shaved my upper thighs for this, Peter. Of course, yeah. Fuck off. Your ass came in after you. Hey, your ass is still outside. Okay. Tell me when you ask it to you. It's like, Jesus, Peter, guy. And Mallory's like, well, maybe you need to start taking responsibility for things, Peter. He's like, fuck off, Mallory. Yeah. I told you so, told you so, told you, told you, told you, told you Cynthia. I told you. Cynthia, you're okay. I told you so. Oh, yeah. Mallory loves this. It's drama, Peter, sin, Mal, back. Okay. So Kenya goes to visit Kim. Yeah. And I love that Kenya's like, Kim Fields is Hollywood royalty. I'm like, oh, yeah. I mean, she's nothing compared to Kristi McNichol or Dinah Manoff. But I mean, she is royalty. Darling, like Princess Di ended in the '90s in a tunnel. It's over. Yeah. I mean, she, you know, she's probably a little bit better than Park overall. So yeah, I guess that does make for Park overall. I love her. I guess that does make her Hollywood royalty. Park overall didn't take no nonsense from nobody. Okay. But she still had some kind of vulnerability to her. You know what I mean, guys? Oh, Park. From emptiness. I've done. I've actually just listed all the emptiness supporting characters. I mean, she's no David Leisure, okay? She's no Dryfist, but she's still royalty. So good. Okay. So Kenya visits Kim and this is hilarious because they're always trying to come up with the reason that these people know each other. And this time, they're not really even trying. They're just like, uh, I guess because Kenya did a YouTube video one time, Kim will be interested. And so we cut to Kim's office, which is like in a strip mall next to a TCBY, you know, whatever. And it's a candy shop. It actually used to be a boarding school. But now it's a candy shop. And there's never any customers. No customers. No on that show. It was just never any customers. Just a candy shop. They always had merchandise they had to deal with. They were like, the merchandise, the merchandise. It's hard to learn the word merchandise from Facts of Life. And then Mackenzie Austin comes through. Oh my God. And George Clooney, we are just starting. How is this going to end up? I don't know. So they're like, well, Kenya's done a YouTube video, you know, put them together. So we open Kim's office and she's like, I really don't feel like we're getting. It's like, I'm really not feeling the emotional opening of this, you know, I don't know, infomercial for sponges or whatever she's doing. And he's like, Hey girl, hey, what's up girl? Oh, how you doing? Long time no see. Oh no. And she's like, I love this blonde Kim. I love this blonde. Kim Fields has had that hair for like a decade. And Ken is acting like she just went blonde. She obviously does not know her and it's so, so good. I know. It's amazing. And I love that like the whole reason why they're together is that Kenya wants Kim to come on as director of Life Twirls on. And Ken goes, you know, Life Twirls on has had a lot of interest, but I haven't found the right home for it yet. Yes, that's the problem. You've just been shopping it around. It's like, oh, who do I choose between HBO or Netflix? I mean, no. Again, Kenya needs to learn how to sell it. You're coming to Tutti and you're saying, listen, I've got a homeless YouTube video. No one wants that. No, that's not how you sell it. She's like, I don't know. I don't know if it's gonna be daily motion or. That would be me. And, of course, Kim looks horrified. And I don't know if Kim was burping and they just got that shot and used it for everything that Kenya said, but it was so good. Kenya's like, oh, Kim, you know, Hollywood's good to us. And Kim gives her this look. And Kim saying, oh, yes, you know, Kim's very actory, by the way, which is why I'm not sure if I really like her because she's obnoxious so far. I'm not living in LA. That actor talk makes me crazy when she's like, well, you know, being a part of two successful, I'm blessed. I'm blessed being a part of two successful shows. And I am the beat here. And I'm like, what was the second show? And then-- Let me single. Oh, living single, duh. Oh, I actually really like that show. And she also does a lot of action. I think that Kim feels does a lot of cartoon voice work. She works a lot. Oh, I love living single. I'm so crazy. Hello, I'll watch that show. Yeah. So anyway, I was thinking, what? 'Cause, you know, I'm dumb. And I smoked too much pot. And I'm like, what part of history? And I totally forgot it. And I was like, what is she talking about? So I went-- And I still didn't see this. I went on her IMDB. And it was like, reporter in this show on Lifetime. I was like, oh, no, Kim feels comeback. No, she does. She does-- I'm looking right now to see-- Oh, she guest-starred on Golden Palace. How about that? Yeah. And she was like-- And she appeared as herself on the comeback. So look at her. Yeah, she's doing good. Done as she's actor, you know? I don't like that. You better-- Yeah, she-- Oh, my art. Well, you know what it's like working with Tyler. And Kenya's like, yeah, Tyler, yeah. Steven Tyler, great band, great band. Love him. It's like, no, Perry, Tyler, Perry. Perry Mason. Oh, my God. Hollywood has been good to us, right? Perry Mason. Love him. Uh, I'm just-- I'm concerned because I think that-- I actually think that Kim feels nice, and she's going to get corrupted, and it's going to be sad to see someone who, even if she's an inner bitch, lose all ability to be an outer, nice person. I don't get the feeling that she's a bitch. Do you? No, no, I think she seems nice. And you know that my-- You know I have a very sensitive alarm to that on the house. Yeah, that's what you were saying. I thought you were saying that Kim feels-- No, no, she's not a bitch. She's just actory. I don't like that. She's got kind of a stuffy actory. Like, I'm above it because I'm an octor. And I'm like, no, you're not. Shut up. Shut up. Yeah. You have a water fountain and a strip mall. Stop. Okay, so anyway, that was pretty good. And then we move on to-- Cynthia. Oh, Cynthia's trying. You're trying. Tootie says things like this. People are familiar with me because they're used to me in their living room. I'm sort of-- One of the family. I'm like, oh, gross, Tootie. No, you're not. And Tootie-- You don't want to be a member of every family, all right? Either we're like, Tootie, a lot more. I also like, Tootie, you are not a member of the family. Although we do continue to refer to you as Tootie. You would have been-- You can't separate you. You would have been spanked in my house in those roller skates. You got to spank you right away, young lady. And Kenya. You still have those roller skates. And she goes, oh, well, they're probably in the Smithsonian. She goes, I think they're in the Smithsonian. And she goes, or eBay. Kenya, how to win friends. How to make friends and influence people or whatever. Yeah, exactly. So then the next scene is I just wrote down, Cynthia crying about Peter to her business partner. Yes, there really wasn't more business partners like-- Well, I think what you need to do is feel things, take care of things. Can we go now, is this-- my internet's bad. Gotta go, gotta go. Cynthia's like, glad I could talk to you, girl. She's like, yeah, exactly. Even the business partner is bored by Cynthia. Poor Cynthia. She's like, the seasons may change, but nobody stays on FaceTime with me for five minutes. One day that never goes out of style is not paying your bills for the internet. Then we get the scene of Portia, total business woman, Portia. You can tell she's there every day, 'cause she's having a meeting, and she's like, Hi, everybody. I know that right now, before we were here, you were all in your offices, and you were working in your offices, but I thought we should talk here. I'm like, you mean you have a meeting, Portia? Have you ever been here before? I know, she apparently had a hair company for the past two years, and now she wants to go into lingerie, which I don't understand how that's an extension of the brand. That's just, it may be two things that you like, but it's not like when Bethany goes from a skinny girl Margarita to a skinny girl, Pinucalata, that makes sense. But going from hair to lingerie. Those aren't two things you want to think of together, you know? Yeah, exactly, like long hair, lingerie. You know, if anything, sell some bikini wax and lingerie, or some like, I don't know, cornhole bleach or something. Yeah, exactly. Stay with your genre darling. Stay with your niche. Where do you see yourself in the store? Who is your hair hanging out with in the store? She's like, I want to be the next Jessica Simpson, or the next Jessica Fletcher, or the next Jessica Rabi, Jessica Ventura. Oh gosh, she's trying to be all official. And then she's like, all right, well, I want to go take a nap. But like, she has her coach, gay guy, Johnny. He's like, now listen here, this is your season. It's time to sweat. It's time for you to bleed. I want you to eat, sleep and breathe, hair and lingerie. And she's like, okay, okay now, good night. Yeah, but she's like, she wants, she's like, ah, this is too hard for me. I, you know, because I got like Duke and everything, and they're like, huh? So now she says that she wants to throw a sip and see. So that way her team, she basically she wants to throw a sip and see. So that way her group sees the guy that she's dating, and then like, oh, okay, you don't have to work as hard because you got that guy and you can be with him. So really distorted logic. Yes. And you know, sip and see is for a baby. That's what we do in the South, which is kind of funny. Yeah, when you have a baby, you have a sip and see, and then all the ladies come over and get shit faced and pass your baby around. It's the Southern tradition of telling. I love them. It's my favorite time of year. Because you know, someone's giving a baby, someone's having a baby at some point during the year. Anyway, that's a sip and see. So it's funny that she's having that because she's dating a baby. You know, it's kind of like she has a sense of humor about it, but not at all. Because she's literally, she thinks that this is her man. It's like she bought and paid for him, and she's going to put him in a crate. I mean, what the hell? You know that right now, here's a chip. Or maybe she's just like really confused. She's like, I'm going to sip and see, and my mattress is free. She's just excited to get him as she thinks he's a duke. By the way, I don't know what happened to my Porsche voice. It is totally distorted and strange now. I used to have like an okay one, but now I'm like, like it doesn't even sound anything. It just sounds like I'm doing like an amateurish little girl voice. It's terrible. Mine is never sounded like her, anyway. But that's how she talks to me. I just have something. That's how she, that's how I hear her. I used to have a whole voice for her. I had a specific voice. And now I'm like, ah, Porsche. And totally deranged. Sorry. So in this, she's like, everybody, I need to make sure we're working. Great speech, Porsche. And they're like, well, it would be nice if you actually worked instead of getting dumped by some guy and disappearing for two weeks into your house and not calling anybody. And she's like, ah, like so when this guy dumps you, you're going to call us, ah, Porsche. Are you going to run your own business? She's like, ah, sipping seat, ah, nap time. Yeah. Yeah, I like that by the way, her entire business is like, basically her friends and her family. I don't see a lot of business acumen around that table. Maybe the gay guy. The gay guy looks like he sort of knows what he's doing. But everyone else. Anybody, I don't trust anybody with a folded up handkerchief who's working for a hair slash lingerie company. There's something weird about that, you know? Yeah, working for Porsche, actually. And I don't trust anyone hitching their wagon to Porsche's ox. I think that if you're folding up a handkerchief and putting it inside a suit coat to go to Porsche's mom's living room that's like made up to look like an office, that's a sign that you take things seriously. If you have a handkerchief and you don't use it to wipe down your sweaty ass head, and you are not standing handkerchiefs, that is a sign of a not serious anchor chip. Because you know that it's got some kind of chemicals on it. It's like a dollar store handkerchief. You can't wipe your head with that. You know, you'll get the vakers. What sort of CFO doesn't know how to use a handkerchief? The whole reason why you have a handkerchief is to wipe your head down when it gets sweaty. It happens all of us. You literally just said you wanted us all to sweat this company and we're not allowed to use a handkerchief on our head. I quit. Memo. So Jordan candy. Jordan. Candy dress shopping, Sire. Okay. So now we have Sire and Candy dress shopping and we're cutting between that and. God, who is this? Sire and Candy. And Cynthia has Phaedra. Yeah, Phaedra, yeah. I wish I'd pour something because they both have peas in their name. I know. So basically, Phaedra is getting tea with Cynthia. It's one of these back and forth things. He said she said about things about, I think, where we're candy and Phaedra stand. And so it's funny because Phaedra is saying that she's getting tea with Cynthia because she's letting bygones be bygones because that's what a good Christian does. Like, well, it seems like an awfully selective mentality to have when you are on letting bygones be bygones as a good Christian and you're using that as a chance to talk about your grudges. With candy? Sounds like all the bygones are bygones. Yeah, that's what I love about Phaedra. Selective. I love all the horrible things about Phaedra. I think she's so funny. So she's obviously still mad at Cynthia. I don't even know why they were shooting together. And I feel kind of bad for Cynthia because she really doesn't have anybody to talk to. You know, nobody really wants to hear it. Even the poor woman at the tee shop was like, oh my god, you're so boring. And I'm a woman who works at a tee shop and you're pouring me. I'm in a place where you can just add honey to anything and it's delicious. And it's not working on you. Really in the middle of just adding honey and you're still pouring me to tears. Someone, the reason why I even have this shop was because I want a bet that if I could do the most boring thing possible and I thought I found it and then you walked in and how I realized I've lost a bet. I mean, even the place you meet Cynthia is the most boring place in the world. It's like, yeah, I'm going to shoot with Cynthia. I guess we'll go to a tee shop then. I might as well get my tea. So funny. So it's really awkward and they're pretending that they're there for each other, but not at all because can't he's like, well, I know what you're going through with your husband being a low down dirty cheater because remember, remember when you were mocking me last year at PF Chang's and I almost fell on a hibachi grip or whatever the stupid story was. And Cynthia's like, well, I did apologize for that. And I'm truly sorry and please be nice to me. She's like, okay then. Just like Jesus did it. What was the scene? It was so weird. It was like a lot of hate bombs. Basically, Faedra was like, all right, well, I'm going to recruit you from my side. And Cynthia's like, okay, I'm going to need you on my side because I'm going to get into a fight with someone. I don't know who. So we'll just be allies who we don't have anyone else. Cynthia's like, well, I don't have Neenie to hate on anymore. So I guess I might as well figure something out with you. Yeah. And the main theme of cutting back and forth was Faedra was saying, oh, it was this thing with candy. It was hurtful. And then it cuts to candy going. Getting all upset with Shiree. And Shiree's like, she talked to Neenie. Oh, now you know that's a problem. Yeah. Get well up in it. Love it. For Shiree. What else does she want? Oh, yeah, more Shiree. And I want her getting mad at people. So then we go to Kim's house. And she has Kim has the cutest family. Oh my goodness. Her son Sebastian, he's so sweet. What a like an adorable little boy. And then her husband is so cute. I'm like, oh my God, I love the field zizzes. They're so adorable. They are cute. I was bored, though. Oh, yeah, they were totally boring. But they were just, you know, it was typical, like, Kim feels like, well, I'm a mommy. And now I'm going to, like, come up with maternity wear because that's really novel. No one comes out with maternity wear. It's never on Shark Tank. I'm going to do that. And oh, I can't do my little video because the kids are upstairs. I'm distracted. I'm like, please don't make your entire season stories about maternity wear and mommy things. It is. I think she's one of those ladies who's like, okay, I'm going to go on that show to promote my products and just stay normal and I'll be the normal one. And then we have to see if someone can make a really break during crazy. Yeah, but that being said, her husband is seems like so sweet when they were like, each other in the forehead. I don't know. I just was like, oh, they're so cute. I'm like, you get off my TV. You're boring, she said. Now, my husband is a perfect example to my boys about how a man should be. And I wrote down, you know, he wears khaki pants. And then it cuts to him and like mom wasted khakis. And I was like, yes, called it. Yeah, no, they're too nice to be on reality. Inspiring her men, the one in khaki, you know, doctors. Yeah, and I mean, honestly, her son, the way her son was like talking to like the little baby. I don't know. I was like, oh my God. I was like, I feel like that kid too, Sebastian. I feel like he gets made fun of its school or something. I'm like, no, no one better say anything bad about Sebastian. He is an angel who has descended on Bravo. Yeah, they're all pretty cute. And I really like that she is selling something that's maternity clothes that you can still wear. Because I think that everything that she's wearing is like her, you know, flowy maternity shirts or whatever. Like you can just always wear that. Or either that or you just really shaded her wardrobe. Well, they're literally everything is the same. You should just like, Gale Simmons, but you know, a little flowy or an larger size. That's it. I hope you meet her someday and be like, oh my God, Kim, so great to meet you. And I just love that you wear maternity wear as your everyday clothing. And she's like, oh, this is fun. Listen, if I met the inventor of elastic waistbands, I'd hug him too. You know, I wouldn't feel fake. I'm being serious. Like you can be pregnant. You can just gain some weight. You can lose some weight. It's always a flowery flowy. It's always like Mrs. Roper, you know, but younger at a bar kind of thing. Yeah. I like it, I guess. I mean, you know, comfort. So comfort first, doesn't it? Comfort first. So then we go to the candy factory where one of the assistants is making bacon. And then the whole gang is there. You got Carmen and Don Juan and Todd. And this season, Candies decided she wants to open up a restaurant, which is the dumbest thing. Like, she's pregnant. What's she doing opening up your restaurant? That's, you know, impossible is to open up a restaurant. And even worse, because she's pregnant, she's basically going to be leaning on Todd to launch it, which seems like the worst idea of all time. It is going to be such a terrible shitty restaurant. Don't let Todd open up a restaurant. Oh my god. It's all going to go wrong. He's going to power tripping to be kind of saying to everyone. I smell a spin-off. It's like the number of rules in Atlanta. And Don Juan is the evil manager. Like, now I was watching you feel that water. And that water deserved better. That glass was not treated properly. Like, going off on everybody in the meetings. Yeah, he's going to, someone's going to order something and be like, oh, we have some more bread. Oh, you want more bread? You think you really need more bread? I'm looking at you. You don't need any bread, okay? What you need is a scale. In fact, get out of this restaurant right now and get on that scale, because you do not need that. I don't do enough for you. You're like, sir, can I please have some more mustard? Oh, really? I didn't do enough for you the first time you need this now, too? Well, that's not really in my job description, okay? I mean, you only get so much for your dollar. Don Juan, that's so good. I can't be a bus boy and the chef and the waiter and the host. I just was asking for some water. Well, guess what? It's drowned in California. And I heard what you guys were talking about, and your relationship is fucked. If you're going to sit there and listen to everything, he says, you're an idiot. You should be breaking up with him. You're an idiot to even date this fool. All I was saying was I was sad that we accidentally blew out the candle on the table. No, the flame went out. That's what you're saying. I'll tell you what's not an accident that you're going to get a divorce. Because I told you in the first place, you shouldn't have married that fool. And you're going to still go ahead and marry him. Fine, don't listen to me. I'm not, you know, I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm just the waiter and the manager and the doctor and the nurse. You want to know what the daily special is? It's not you because he's treating you like shit. There, set it. 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I promise you, this trip is going to be at least 10 times better than the trip to Aaron's Hampton's home on Real Housewives of New York, but that doesn't take much. I mean, it doesn't even compare. Aruba is a geeky gorgeous. Please always choose Aruba over Aaron's home. We know you can't stay on vacation forever, but a trip to Aruba, honestly, it just never ends. Because the happiness and relaxation you feel in your bones, it just stays with you. Book your trip today at aruba.com. So, you know what I love about Don Juan is that he looks like a cartoon cat. Like, he looks like either Tom or Jerry, whichever. I don't know which one's which, I never knew. But they, like, doesn't he look like a cartoon cat? Like the little-- It looks kind of like a snappy bobble head, you know? Like, in a car had the bobble heads just always kind of bobbling, but his isn't a bobble. It's more of like a snap, like, boom! And here's this and boom! And this person's treating you like shit. And boom! I'm not taking this shit from you. It's like snappy bobble head. They need to invent that for turns. Maybe it'll only work on hard turns. I think he looks like Tom from Tom and Jerry. Or I'm going to find another cartoon cat. Tom's so lovable. And he's always the one that's like Jerry's, you know, always winning in the end or whatever. But Tom also gets so angry so easily, you know? Oh, that's true. I love a raging reality person. But yeah, he's going off. So, so Don Juan, Bob, Bob, last skip to head a little. Who cares? Portia gets mom ready. Okay, so Portia is getting ready for this sippancy. And it is the most awkward thing in the world, because she's really up like she's either popped a couple at ease or just done a little tutti, or just some good old-fashioned GNC. Clear energy. Whatever it is. But she's like, hi, hi, I'm getting ready. All my hair, all my makeup. Oh, mom, when was the last time you saw me this excited? And then they cut to her mom. And it just looks like Port Jax's mom sitting on that come-stained couch looking at all the things he's stolen from Vanderpump and his big upward pumpkin face. Like, please stop, stop. That was her mom's face. I like when Portia said that a guy has to be pretty important for me to introduce him to my family. I'm like, I feel like you probably introduce everyone to your family. Like, I mean, how important is that to be? You just closet it and possessive, is that it? I mean, she probably just like, she gets a piece to it for guys. She probably brings him upstairs like, man, look. She's going to marry every single one. Well, when all that stuff with her husband was going on, and he like changed the locks and stuff to keep her out of the house. Remember all that? Like, he was kicking her out, and she went on an interview and said, well, I'll go back to him if he apologizes. He changed the locks, darling. You're going to be waiting a while, darling, darling thing. I feel bad for her because, you know, we all know that person who's so desperate to be loved. They just try and grab on to any, you know, anything passing by to save them. Yeah, well, she, I don't think she's desperate to be loved. I think she's desperate to be knocked up because then Lauren goes in the bathroom and it's like, I need to sit down and Portia's like, what? And then Lauren's like, oh yeah, by the way, I'm pregnant. Like she's, that's the way she says it to Portia and her mom, which felt very, did not feel real. I feel like they already knew because how would you, is that, that's how you break it to your mom and your sister? Like, oh, yeah, I'm, I'm expecting anyway. See you later and Portia, you could see Portia's dance. I mean, the way I saw it was the way she was breaking it was on Portia's fake wedding night or whatever the hell Portia's trying to make this into. I mean, Portia's being bought Mitzvah to basically buy herself. She's throwing her own baptism party or whatever, but she's, you know, being blessed by the sperm of the 24-year-old instead of water, whatever. Anyway, she's making this into a huge deal. And her sister, she didn't just come out and say it. She made a big dramatic thing where she had to go to the bathroom and like was over the toilet about to vomit and her giant eyelashes. And then Portia's crouching behind her at a bad angle with a big hole in her arm pit on her dress, which was so sad. It's like her sister forced her into her own drama at a bad angle in a bathroom and ruined her baptism by 24-year-old sperm. And you know, you go, sister. Yeah, Lauren, good for you. All about Eve, like the sister is going to take over. Yeah. I don't think they knew about it because Portia looked genuinely disappointed when she heard. Yeah, Portia, she did. She was sad. Like she, Portia wants to be the best. She wants, well, she wanted to have twins. Remember, she told the doctors to get her twins. Yeah. And she's the, you know, she's the one in the family who was married to the rich guy. And she was the princess. And then, you know, her sister is kind of taking her place. And she's like clinging to a piece of really rich driftwood that's, you know, floating down. Yeah, sliding down the river. Portia, I feel for you, but you're still down. Well, speaking of the rich driftwood. So now it's the, it's the sip and see, which is really, it's Duke's going away party. That's what we find out. Duke is about to go up to Buffalo, I guess, four football. And so... As one does. As one does. So, um, Portia, like, she gathers all these people and just seems really, really over the top for a new relationship, if you ask me. Um, and that, that eventually just come out. But then, so people drive out to Portia's place. And then Cynthia, oh God. God bless Cynthia trying to be funny. She's like, I'm looking forward to meeting Portia's new man. However, I'm looking forward to the gas voucher that I hope she go and give me for driving these 2000 miles to drive out here. Like, uh, Cynthia, it's like, it's not funny. No one cares how far away Portia lives. It doesn't like resonate with us. Like, oh, Cynthia, be on FaceTime so I could close the lid. Yeah. Yeah, so they have this party and she's like, okay, everybody, it's so exciting. Wow, it's the party. Wow. And her friends are, like, gross. Yeah, they do. The judgey gay. The judgey gay is rolling his eyes the entire time. And he's talking to the sister. They're all shit talking her. And the guy comes in with his buddy and they're like, surprise. And she has people doing, I don't know, they're waving pom-poms or something. Like a chair, I guess. And he pooped the floor. It's like the poor guy. It's like he's young, you know, and it's to be expected. But what changes diaper? The guy who's on the floor. He's like, this is, he's like, this is our fourth date. I mean, signs that you're getting into. I mean, talking about stage five, Klinger. She is like stage 35, Klinger. I knew I was in trouble when she sprung for the cupcake. But you know, I also loved how then, meanwhile, the other side of the party, this gay guy does not like, does not like Duke at all. And he is fully throwing shade. And he's like, oh yeah, you know, he likes porn stars. And then Kenny is like, eh, see, see. Ah, according to Google, he likes trainees. Well, that would make sense, by the way. I mean, no wonder why he likes Porsche. I mean, she looks like she could be walking around Santa Monica in the highland. Maybe she's holding out. Maybe she's just being really sexy and being like, we're not going to get together until we're married. I mean, maybe he's someone she has a dick. I think she just has a type. She has a type. She likes guys who don't like. She likes freaky guys. She likes freaks. Yeah, maybe she's a little freaky under there. But yeah, so they showed some Instagram or some TMZ story. I don't even know it was. Which, but yeah, like it's just missing him with a trend. Trans doesn't look like a trans hooker or something. And they're all going off on that. And Pedro goes, "Well, Jesus loved hanging out with prostitutes and lepers. Thankfully, there wasn't a Google back then." I love her. And her stupid sayings, "Faedra." I know. My queen. It was Roman. They're obvious. It took like so great to get a search result. Yeah. Okay. It's called Cicero. I love how Duke's friend is overwhelmed by all of it. He's like, "Damn, she's a lot, bro." Like, yeah, no kidding. No kidding. I can't imagine what the future part is going to be like for Duke. He's going to take a shit and she's going to have a marching band and come through the bathroom. Well, I think once she has that ring on her finger and maybe a baby to make sure that her payments are going to be secure, she'll be okay. I mean, this is like a girl who's just trying too hard for the job. You know, it's like I got your resume. Okay. I didn't need your, like a diorama of the new office you would build if you have the, I don't need like your vision board too, you know? You have videos. Yeah. And there was also something sort of emasculating of when she made her speech and it was like calling him her trophy man. And I mean, she clarified, she said like, "Oh, he's my MVP." But like, there was something about it that just, I'm like, you are scaring the sky away. Like, this was, he had fear in his eyes and his friend was like, his friend was like practically scoping out the side door, just like, oh, I'll be like, quick, quick, get out this way, get out this way. His friend's advice, his friend was like, man, you just need to stay, just stay. And he's like, okay, kept drinking. Like he was going to bolt. But yeah, Porsche's speech was, hi, everybody. Thank you for coming. I would like to welcome the newest addition to my family, Duke. I want you all to accept our relationship because we love each other more than anything. I got this trophy toward you, the MVP. And that means, I don't know what it means, but I love you. And I can't wait to see what you're going to buy me. You're officially my trophy husband. I was like, what the hell? Yeah, oh my god. And then she's going to tie a long silk scarf around his neck and lead him into the office and not pay attention when the elevator doors close on him and he goes up to another floor and she bangs on the elevator doors. Another big business reference because Lily Tomlin has a dog named Duke in that movie. Remember that scene when she leaves the dog in the elevator, but she has, she's like walks in the office with a leash and it's like close. She's like, I found him in a park and he was just, this is the love story of Porsche and Duke is Lily Tomlin and Duke in big business. But everything, but Duke keeps trying to run away. Poor thing. So then Candy and Fadra meet up at Candy's office and they have the same old talk. Yeah, I was pulling back because of this and this hurt me and that hurt me. For restaurant and we don't know if we want to pay the placemats on glass surfaces. Yeah, restaurants, I could call you, but you wouldn't answer the vote. And Fadra's like, well, how do you think I like when the bank calls and they're like, where are the ATVs and boats and motorcycles that Apollo is hiding and I don't know. And then I find them on Craigslist in your apartment or whatever. It's like hiding assets for Apollo, basically. And Candy's like, whatever. She has more to worry about than a couple of motorcycles. It's like, dang. Now, here's the thing. You know, I love Candy. And we always talk about the fact that Candy seems so nice and everything, but she has this sort of like inner core that's like very tough. And the truth is she was, in the beginning of the conversation, Candy was sharing with Fadra about how she was feeling and she felt like Fadra pulled away. And she thought everything was cool. And she finds out Fadra's talking to Nini about her. And I was really upsetting. And she's basically asking Fadra for some sort of empathy and sympathy and seeing where she's coming from. And then Fadra's like, well, here's where it was from my point of view. And Candy just gives her this look like, nope, nope, that doesn't, nope, that's wrong. Nope, nope, nope. I'm like, oh, this is you. The issue isn't really as much with Candy and Fadra. It's with Todd and Candy because Todd is friends with Apollo. And Candy is sticking to Todd's side, no matter what. Because for them, they're like, well, you had the affair with Chocolate. Why are you acting like it's this big deal that he had an affair with, you know, whoever. And, you know, they think she's being a hypocrite, which she is, but she's like, you're my girlfriend, you're supposed to be on my side, not he is. I mean, what the hell? Yeah, and well, the thing is that Candy, though, it just seemed like Candy was not open to really hearing Fadra's side. And I love Candy, but it just seemed a little, you know, I think, I think Fadra has a point about, like, well, you, like, you are keeping Apollo's stuff and you're supposed to be my friend, even though it's not like a big, like, it doesn't, I don't really see how it would impact your friendship technically. It just feels weird. Well, she's heard, she's heard it a million times. So I think she's not really disregarding it as much as saying, like, look, bitch, I disagree with you. I told you I disagreed with you. That's the father. The kid should be able to go to prison and see him. You already know how I feel. Like, are we going to be friends and move past this or not? And then Fadra's like, yeah, but I'm hurt because you're on his side. It's like, bitch, are you going to move past this or are you not going to move past this? Because I'm not changing sides, you know? I, no, I mean, Candy's, I understand that part of Candy. It just, the way it was edited, the way it appeared was that Candy was looking for Fadra, wanted Fadra to hear her. And Candy did not, Candy seemed pretty shut down to me, I think. So I didn't, I just don't think that's, I think when you were really trying to save a friendship, you have to just really hear the other side too. And like, meet somewhere in the middle, if you can. And it looked like Candy was pretty much shut down until, and then finally Fadra was like, okay, well, I just want to be friends with you, etc. And I'll call, Todd, meyada, yada, yada. And it seemed like it ended in a good place. And then it was weird because. I think she shuts down, honestly, because Fadra turns everything into this victim, this victim thing where she's like, but you couldn't understand what it was, be that. It was like being a poor wife who was not only cheated on, but her husband was out in these clubs and all this stuff when I think Candy is like, please, Fadra. Yeah. You're like, went and you got this guy on purpose to get you pregnant because he was some hot criminal. I, I agree. You know, I think she's, I agree. But I just don't think that she's not going to play into that bullshit where she's like, I don't feel for you. You got what you fucking deserved in a way, not what you deserved. But I still think that you can't, if it's still a really close friend of yours, even if she does feel that way, you know, she was not, she, there's got to be a way to express that in a way that's like, well, you know, I, I know what you're saying, but you know, this is where I feel like there might be some shortcomings. I just think that there's a little bit more of Mama Joyce and Candy than she probably realizes. Yeah. That's not down the gauntlet. Damn. Well, I'm just saying, I think there's like a little bit of stubbornness in Candy when it comes to spicy. Oh, I'm being, um, well, so what was funny is that in the middle. Yeah, she is stubborn, but I think it's because she knows she's right. And Fadra is just, well, she is trying to, you know, make everyone cry for her when it's like, yeah, she's not as much of a victim as she's acting like, you know, I mean, at the end of the day, she's on up, she's on, they betrayed each other because Candy is on Apollo's side because of Todd. And Fadra got her back by going to Nini, which is the ultimate betrayal. So it's kind of like they fucked each other over and there's going to have to get over it. I mean, what are you going to do? You can't undo it. You can't undo the Nini bride of Frankenstein here. You cannot. So then what was funny was that during this like emotional scene, the producers kept on cutting to Don Juan sneaking around like he's like a little cat burglar. And then finally, the scene ends and Fadra and Candy have like a really honest moment or seemingly honest moment and they're hugging and they're resolving to fix things. And it's like a happy ending. And it's like, oh, good. Everything's fixed because I've never, I don't know about you. I've never liked this fight between the two of them. I'm like, I like it when they're friends. Yeah, I mean, I like it when they're friends. So I'm like, oh, good. This feels good. Yay. And then Fadra walks out and it's like, yay. Everything is good. And then in walks, walks Don Juan. And he's like, well, she does not have your best interest. And no, if you think you're gonna be friends, you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm like, shut up, Don Juan. And she's gonna get an Emmy for that performance crying over there on that half her chair. Get out of here, that stupid bitch. Oh my going off. And she knew she was married to a criminal. When she married, so like he was going off to angry. I just wrote down, you're too angry. You're, this is like not your battle to fight. Like, why do you care Don Juan? Just stay out of it. He said, you sat here and toot, you sat here and cried like two girls from the color purple. Like, yeah, that was funny. Yeah, it came from one of her like confused faces. She kept pulling those like, those faces is so good. She should have told him to shut up right. I didn't think that was appropriate as an employee or as a friend, what he did, to be honest. Even if he was right, I do not think it was right. I think if you see two people and they've just like buried the hatchet or whatever, it's not your place to go in and undo it. Unless the producers told you to. And I'm like, well, guess what, we'll put you on five more episodes if you do this. Then I understand. Yeah, it's like the part-time players are trying to take control of the story lines. Like he's doing that and then Mallory is doing it kind of over on the other. Over on the other. Shray is, Shray is doing something. Yeah, everyone's trying to like manipulate the main players. Gandy's like, whatever. I mean, I hope she was honest. And he's like, well, she wasn't. You're an idiot. He's like, no, I got to go find him a little mouse. Goodbye. I've got to go plant a menu. I'll be in the back. Speaking of menus, that was the end of this, right? Wait. Oh, yes. You know, this episode was so good. I almost wish I could take a picture of it and put it up on the wall. If you know what I'm saying, Ronnie. Do you know what I'm saying? I sure will do. You know, the holidays are coming and my family has a big box of photograph. Actual photographs, not just on a computer or a box. And everyone's like, no one needs photographs anymore, because we're everything's on the computer. And so we're dividing up all these photos. And you need to put, you need to have respect for that. Those are real things. Put them in a frame. Yeah. You know what I want to do? I want to take a picture of Roger Rabbit. And I want to frame it and put it on the wall on that way. I can see it was me. I framed Roger Rabbit. I'm like, here's my grandfather coming over the border for the first time. And you're like, here's Roger Rabbit. They can mean the same to the both of us. Do you guys have a wonderful? My grandfather is Roger Rabbit. That's you. My grandfather carried your grandfather over the border and then he killed him. Well, what a story. The border of June Town. The border of June Town. Do you guys have a bunch of photos lying around or art rolled up in your closet? I'm just waiting for you to put it up in a nice frame and hang on your walls. Now is your chance to get them framed and up at framebridge.com. Do you take a thousand photos and never put a single one in a frame? Now you can get those great memories off your camera and on your wall with framebridge.com. Please, Eddie, go to framebridge.com. That was my Roger Rabbit. And now I'm actually doing the Roger Rabbit in my apartment doing the dance. I'm throwing a wall on the wall, I'm throwing a hole in the wall and I'm reaching through it and I'm pulling out the rest of the ad. So why framebridge? It's affordable. Prices start at just $39 and are up to 70% less than traditional framing stars. It's easy to use. Guys, it's so exciting. We don't know what we're going to do. It's easy to use. Go to framebridge.com. Choose your frame from the curated collection. Upload your art and preview it before you buy. Can't upload your art? Don't worry, you can mail it in for free. Your frame piece arrives at your home ready to hang. I love framebridge and we know you will too. It's so easy to use and so much more affordable than traditional frame stores. Right now, framebridge.com has a special offer just for our listeners. It's 15% off your first order and free shipping when you use the code sideshow. This is a great deal, but it's only available this week. You guys, 15% off your first order and free shipping. Use the code sideshow. Yeah, so to get started framing your art or picture, go to framebridge.com. Find your favorite frame from the curated collection. Upload art or mail it in for free. Preview your art in the custom frame. Enter the code sideshow at checkout. To get 15% off and free shipping, receive your beautiful custom framed art that is ready to hang. Don't wait, this offer expires this week. So go to framebridge.com and use my code sideshow. It's our code, really. It's all of us. We all belong to the code. It's us, darling. And share the code. How lucky. So good. How lucky is the code to have us to use it? Yeah, guys, it's actually a really good deal. So if you haven't used it, it's a really good time. You know, it's a good Christmas gift right there. Take a picture of yourself and send it to your mum. Yes, memories are for the holidays, guys. While we hugs. All right, so now speaking of just pictures of disappointment that parents can hang up across the country. Vanderpump rules. Yeah, the current employee wall of Vanderpump rules. Yeah, by the way, she not needs to get involved with framebridge because she got a lot of photos to canvas that got no frames going on in that small little apartment of hers. Does my concert use frames? No, I'm like, you didn't listen to people either. So like, we're the same. Yeah. She's Juliet from Ladies of London right now. By the way, so I actually, one thing that I loved was that this episode of Vanderpump Rules, the very first thing that we heard was China going, "Thanks, Cole." Like someone, it was like, you don't even see her face. She's at a boutique. And you just hear her boy going, "Thanks, Cole." "Thanks." Ding, ding. "Thanks, Cole." "Thank you. Come again. Have a nice day." It's like every word she goes. This episode had a lot more Lisa, which are warped. They're just like, "People like Lisa. She's got a high-Q rating. Just putter in scenes for no reason." It was like, "Hello, darling. Yes, I own this restaurant. All right, I want less crust on the ketchup bottles. All right, I brought someone to train you in to chip away the crust on the ketchup bottles." They're like, "How could you do this?" "We know how to clean our ketchup bottles. We're not idiots." I know, Lisa was... Lisa, I just love when Lisa gets into fake boss merch. She's like, "It's time for refresh. We need to refresh." New cocktail dresses, polka dots and color blocking for everyone. Come on. I want you all to look like Minnie Mouse. Bloody Minnie Mouse. Everyone, get the new dresser. Get this frick on you. All right, very nice. We're feeling that the dim black lighting is very, you know, last year, darling. So we're just going to be in the dark. All right, it's going to be complete restaurant in the dark. All right, get ready. We've brought our best blind bartender to teach you all how to do it. He's welcome, Stephen. The most amazing blind person we've ever met in our lives. Stephen, take the floor. Be blind better. Oh, I'd be a better blind person than that. Idiot. Yeah, no, it was-- I love this. So you're talking about-- Yeah, so that was just a general. But Lisa, when it opens, Lisa's telling us-- Last year, I was so stressed getting pump up. And it was my little baby. And then it was bone. And that was just a tacky, obnoxious little thing with gigantic pots and lampshades that could stab you in the eye if you passed too close, darling. I need a break. You know, I put so much attention onto pump that I didn't realize that Sir was falling apart, much like Hanky the Swan, which is limp, and just lying in the pond. But I just had to give it some drugs, get it back up and going so I can pedal around and tack people a bit of rosary. Oh, Hanky the Swan. I need to get Hanky fixed, darling. I think he's got a cold from being attacked by the black Swan. Oh, you should see the drama going on at the Swan Pond at Villa Rosa, darling. Oh, god. Hanky the Swan was jealous of the new swans that went out and got wasted at a club. And now he's not ready for his big performance at Villa Rosa. Hanky was friends with the squirrel, who fucked another squirrel's wife, darling. I mean, the pond is older Twitter, darling. We have a real problem with Hanky. Hanky peers have murdered someone, another swamber. I don't know if the Swan actually was killed, or is there ever really another... It's just Hanky all along. Oh, we have to take him to the vet. Hanky is the most beautiful swam, and people are trying to kill it. Be nice to Hanky. Right, everybody. Be nice to Hanky. Oh, I have not been able to give it enough attention to Sir, because Hanky's been seeing all the paintings in the house, talking to him. Got to take him to the vet, he's all broken now. Broken Swan, broken Hanky. We had to take Hanky to the vet, because we only bought him to be a good wig for Ken in the future, but it's not growing any hair. We're going to fix that at the vet, darling. Big Hanky. Lala, be nice to Hanky, and I'll tell the other people to be nice to you. Oh, we're selling bumper stickers in the gift shop this year. They say, be nice to Lala. That's it. Honk if you want to be nice to Lala. Peep, peep. I can hear it now, darling. Hanky. Honk if you like Lala. Hanky. Honk, I said. Hanky tried to attack Lala. Hanky, you've really put me in a bind right here. I wanted to get you better, but if you get better, you have to promise not to be mean to Lala. The other Swans attacked Hanky for being more gorgeous, and then Hanky attacked Lala for being more gorgeous. And I said, Hanky, you should know better. You've been slut swanshamed, darling. Be nice to Lala, Hanky. Make an effort, Hanky. Make an effort. That's all I ask of you. You know, Hanky, do you even know how to make a pump teeny? Do you? All right, Richardson, get in here, teach Hanky a thing. Oh, my God. That was basically the whole episode. Okay. Be nice to Lala. Okay, so for some inexplicable reason, Lisa is shopping, she's shopping with Cena and Katie. So like here we are at a lovely dress bond, you know, like you had blocks from the growth. I just read a divine addiction that these dresses are in. So do you have any... Did you guys read Hanky's column in this week's episode? It speaks divine addiction. Very informative, swan fashion. If you can read through the blood spatter, Paul Hanky. So she is going off because the girls are being mean about Lala. And Lisa is saying, you know, Cena should be no better because she was slut shamed. And then we show... Then we get to see her being slut shamed for the first time by Stacey, which was hilarious. She's like, "What? What is stable number 10?" And Stacey's like, "I can't guarantee you. It's not fucking somebody who's married. You whore." And it's like, "Oh, it's like this nice violin memory music." Yeah, I like how when Lisa is telling them to all be nice, that Katie's like, "I just don't know if there's anything we'll have in common, or if we'll be friends." It's like, Lisa's like, "I don't give a bloody damn if you'll be friends. Just be nicer and get along." Hanky is sick right now. I can't deal with this, all right? Hanky is sick. What? Oh, she, you know, I'm so glad you speak Hanky. Can you go tell him to feel better? What? What? What? Oh, darling, Hanky's leaving for the season. Catch him. Shana, tell Hanky to come back. Come back, Hanky. What? What? What? What? What was I just like to selfish for Hanky? Hanky's like flying away. Was I to self-centered to realize that Hanky was upset? Hanky needed more. Hanky was hiding his addiction. Hanky left for four days to sit in the living room and eat breadcrumbs. Hanky held a gardener in the pond. Hanky fed another swad pop rock. Their stomach exploded. Now we can't deal with the babe. I thought I was going to fix everything by getting on to swanky and going to swanky. Swanky. Hanky. I thought Shana and I could get on to Hanky and he'd take us through a tunnel and read all fall in love again. But no, Hanky wasn't about that. And these two girls, Shana and Katie, both look like sudden soccer moms. Like the first season Katie's like, "Wow, we're models." So like if you can't be a like hot then don't come to Sarah. Okay, I like to deal with it. Like we call her horse face number two. Okay, and model. And now they're standing there like two pissed off moms at a PTA meeting like, "That new teacher skirt is too short." You know, and the principal's like, "Darling, I still remember when you were a whore." Get out of here tonight. Bells run dismissed. So the very first thing they do as soon as Lisa is like, "Be nice to Lala." They immediately tattle and they're like, "Well, she wasn't an antler and she had it. She was with a sugar daddy. Like she wasn't modeling. And I love that Lisa's like, "I don't care." Like, ow. Are you expecting me to get angry that I have an employee who wants to work more? I've never known one of you sluts to actually have two jobs. Listen, as long as the girl swallows on her own time, you could learn something from Lala, all right? You know, you want to save up and you want to buy a home for you and your family. You know, blow a few people. That's a girl. I'm giving Lala a raise. All right, be nice to Lala. And always have a tissue on you, darling. Lala. There's gonna be a Lala fundraiser, hashtag save Lala. And Lisa tells us, "Oh, these girls have a plan. They're trying to push Lala out, but they don't understand. The more you resist her, the more I want to hug her. You know how it goes." She turns out to be a dirty whore and stabs me in the background. That's not what television makes me cry. Until then, I love you, Lala. Let's embrace. Do you ever feel like Lala is real name in something like Lala or something like that? And they're like, "Oh, what's the new girl's name?" She was like, "Oh, what was that?" "Oh, Lala." "Yeah, wow." "Oh, okay, Lala." "Hello, Lala." "It's like Jennifer." "I'll go with it." "Her name is Jennifer." "Her Lala." "Lala." "Thank you." He's like, "Well, she keeps going. She's going to literally turn into mask." "Yeah, this is all going to make a lot of sense." "Mother." So, then, please let Cher come in and be sheen his mother with a fucked up face, talking to the daughter with a fucked up face. Oh, my God. Mask. So then we get to like one of my favorite scenes of the episode, emergency bartender meeting because Lisa wants to fix everything. So all the bartenders meet us like Tom and Ariana and Jacks and Ariana is like Norma Rae in this scene. She's like, "Listen, guys, we are the biggest and best bartenders in town, and we're not going to take this lying down. I want a union. Nap time for everybody. Every 20 minutes." It's like, "Oh, shut up, Ariana." "What are you getting into this asshole?" I know, and they're like, "They can't do anything better than us." I mean, we are the best in the business. We know when it comes to vodka tonics, two parts vodka, one part tonic. Was it two parts tonic, one part vodka? We know we're on TV team. We are on TV. By the way, I want to say that the other bartender, who's not a cast member, Anthony, who is in this scene, he lives somewhere in the neighborhood, and he occasionally will go jogging down Hollywood Boulevard shirtless. He's hot. It's great. That guy is hotness. I was like, "Who is that and why is he not on TV?" Yeah, and I'm looking at more space number two when I could be looking at this guy. He is real hot. Even with his janky manscaping, he needs to be on this show a lot more. Yeah, he is superb. He's like a young Eddie Cyprion. Very cute. Yeah, super, super cute. So anyway, the big news is that to jazz up the Sir Cocktail menu, they're going to have to learn some of the pump things. They have to learn these like pumptinis and pumping glory and the pump up the volume and the pump-lowna Spain and the pump-a-moose mop-tini. The van de pump, pump-y pump. All right, listen. I need you to remember to put the swirl straw in the pump-tune tins, darling. Like what? All right, everyone's going to learn the new drink. It's called a pump-a-nickel, all right? It's all made of bread. Oh, going to smoke pump-gars while we drink pumptinis, eating a pum-puna sandwich with pump fries. And then so then they bring in the bartender. Tom, Tom, Tom. She's like, "Welcome. This is Tom, a star bartender. He helped invent the pump-tini." And Jackson's like, "Yeah, yeah, and your dick's little, right?" Yeah, whatever, loser. And then that guy's like, and then Eric's like, "That's what your mom said." I loved it. To me, it was like one of those cop movies, you know, when there's like a local cop and the feds come in. If it's like, "All right, we're taking over this investigation. You're off the case." Like our small town police force can't handle a murder. They're like, "No, no, you can't." They're like, "Yes, we can." And then they never do. Yeah. And then I love that, like, when Jackson's like, "I'm not going to." And then Ken comes in. He's like, "All of a sudden, he turns into one of these British heavies." He's like, "All right, all right, you get work when I say your work, all right, governor. You get work, you know, I'm not going to." You don't get to say when you don't get to work. "All right, now, Jackson." Watching them all cry. And Lisa was hilarious because she's just doing it to fuck with them. She's like, "Everybody, I want you to know about the pump Tini. But most of all, look, pump has gone down in service and up and wait. All right, I was a gat, waiting rating is off the charts, darling. My fitness pal, all right. My fitness pump. All right, I'm bringing in the staff from pump so they can show you what working out looks like in a tight show. All right, get in here, darling and shake something." And I was like, "Why are they being mean to this poor guy?" And then he opens his mouth and he's like, "I invented the pump Tini and it's Jennifer Lawrence's favorite drink when she came in here one time wasted on like three years ago." Congratulations, you invent. You came up with the idea of doing a raspberry martini. Guess what? I think it's been around a little bit. The guy muddled the raspberry instead of putting them in the hole. Oh, oh, never mind then. Before I added pump to things, people didn't know how to get gas in their cars, darling. I mean, they were just trying to funnel it in there. You know, I said, "gas pump, boom, we've started a revolution, darling." [laughter] Someone give a pump Tini to Hanky. He needs one. Hanky, get your neck up. A pump Tini is coming through. Everyone be quiet so I can listen to the traffic. I did that. Gas pump. [laughter] Ken was, you already said this, but I was dying. Ken was like, "You work when I tell you to whatever." It was like somebody out of Guy Ritchie. [laughter] It's like slow fart, Ken. "You work when we tell you to, do you understand that, mate?" Jack's like, "Well, I don't want to work." "All right, I can't argue with that. You can lead a horse to water." That's all. Jack's fights. You can lead a horse. You could lead a horse face to water, but you can't stop it from drinking during its shift, am I right? So then, more managerial greatness. Lisa goes to bust La La's balls and she's like, "All right. Well, how was Venice?" She's like, "It was good. It wasn't even the photographer. It wasn't the model." She's like, "I mean, I don't quiz, babe." I'm like, "La La, you had a week to come up with a lie. Come on now." She's been ready for hilarious. She's like, "Oh, so you were modeling, eh? So what kind of style were you wearing? Trousers, shirts, blouses, dresses, formal, casual, really?" That was it. "What was the weather like there?" "Oh, really? Did you meet a prince? What was he like? What was the weather? What did he taste like? What did his penis taste like when he had it in your mouth?" "What gate did you arrive in?" "I love Lisa because she's such a madam." They need to have Lisa, another spin-off with Lisa, where it's just a brothel, because this bitch is good at managing horse. She's like, "She is." "It's not La La. I don't care what you do in your spare time. I respect the fact that you work. Double shifts, darling. If you make more money swallowing a load, go for it, darling. Just get your shifts covered. Listen, if you had a Saudi prince waiting to get his load swallowed and you couldn't come, you would send someone else to blow the poor guy, wouldn't you? You wouldn't just leave him there with the full sack which you darling, La La." She's like, "Now, all right then, good talk. Thank you. Back to work." Well, what I loved is that, you know, my first instinct was to say, "La La, you had a week to come up with a lie because you knew the girls were going to tell Lisa. You had a week to prepare to get all your entire story straight and instead she crumbles and Lisa's like, "Well," she's like, "You know, we can't start up with deception. It's not right, whatever." So then La La's like, "Well, you know, as it turns out, I didn't even go to Venice because I went home because I needed my mama. I needed my mama because I had..." And then Lisa's like, "What? What's wrong, La La?" She's like, "Well, I just have to get a breakdown. The other girls are being so mean to me, so I just need to go home and be with my mama. You know, there's certain things I just need my mama." And then she's like, "Oh, that worries me." And I'm like, "Oh, never mind, La La. You did come up with a lie. You know, why after all." Just one that you'll feel bad for. She's like, "You had to spend a day not getting paid, darling. You were that upset. You weren't seeing anybody all sucking dick. That affects your bank account. We will make these girls pay, La La." It's not right that other girls made you so upset that you couldn't go out and whore yourself out in Italy. That's not right. No. "When girls are so mean to you that you get locked, Jaw, that's the time for me to step in, La La." And I like that sometimes she calls her, "La La." The thing about La La is... La La. No, I won't have it. You need to be the best slut that you can be. So good. Okay, so Lisa is, of course, friends with the lying hookup because she has the track record. She's got a brandy behind her, a Cedric behind her. For all we know this all, it doesn't even have a mother. She's just like making shit up because she knows Lisa loves that shit. Cedric was like, "My mother was a whore in Paris and I had to sleep next to her at dumpsters while she turned tricks." And it turns out, his mom's like an insurance agent from Florida or some shit. I don't even know what that was. Lisa's like, "I love the musical of Cedric and Tedot learned my pin number and claimed me out. That one was embarrassing. I had to live in Calabasas. And I didn't live in Calabasas as a lie. Who said that?" All right, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. So now she is crying to herself. She knows making hanky noises in the bathroom. So she's crying and Katie comes in, "Meth, Kim. The sign when you go into the bathroom, it's like, "Thank you for not smoking." "Meth, Kim." Yeah. So she is crying because... She went on and got drunk last night and he hasn't been home since. And he's not happy. I'm like, "Really? Shae's not happy? I wonder if it's all the giant photo to canvases you have of you guys on your wedding day on every square inch of your tiny apartment. Maybe that's why. Maybe it is oppressing him." Hilarious. Jesus. This show is visually terrorizing sometimes. I mean, this bathroom, I don't know that we spent much time in this bathroom on these shows, but that we finally saw this tiny bathroom. It's hilarious because that is, like I said, the Kim Richards drug moment in one of the finales or whatever. That bathroom is famous and today we got to go in it and it's all these like little tiles made out of kind of glitter mirror, you know, like those 90s, Candace Olsen, or whatever, doo-doo-doo-swat the sweeter. Candace Olsen, anyway, little mirrored tiles. And I could just imagine Kim Richards in there just staring at the millions of little Kim faces, you know. Yeah. Like in a fish island. It's like, "Hey there, there's me too. It's on me. Say me, what are you looking at? Me, looking at me. Stop trying to take my picture paparazzas." Well, I'll tell you one thing, Kim would not be able to deal because the next scene was Lisa walking down the streets in WeHo, holding Hanky the swan like a clutch. She's carrying this giant swan down the street and walked into the restaurant. And you know if Kim Richards were there, she'd be like, "Ah, she's got a swan. I don't know." And she just like would run out into traffic and get run over because it'd be too much for her to take. But as it was- I was taking care of my neck. But as it was, I love that Lisa walks into the restaurant and she's like, "Ken, take Hanky." She just gives a swan over. Only Lisa can walk down the street with a swan because you know, swans are like vicious and evil and that swan, even if it was drugged up, that swan's like, "Ahhhh." It's like this swan had a whole mother in Paris slept in the sleeping bag and turned tricks again. Or take it and get it some homemade deer turning his chop up the cook it, have penny cook it into something lovely. Poor Hanky, be nice to Hanky, turning. All right, Hanky, take a seat. We're about to learn how to wait on tables, all right? You can learn something. Hanky is here to teach you. He's almost popular swan in the pond and he's here to teach you how to poop underwater and make it float. All right, Hanky, take the floor, Tully. Hanky, where is your loose necktie? You're supposed to be dressed up for this. So, this entrees, another scene where Lisa is torturing the waiters and this time it's hot ass Richardson and- Listen, I'm sorry, but I have enough trouble taking you seriously because you're on the show, okay? There's your first bat. Second is that you spell Richardson with two D's. There's the- When you go- Richard did this son, get out of here. Richard did this son. Richard did this son. So, I actually know Richardson and he is a lovely gentleman. Well, I'm sorry. Probably because- I don't know what he's doing. I don't know what he's doing. I apologize for the double D's in his name. He's like, "Sorry, can you make me a new hello tag?" I know. It's embarrassing. It happens to me every event. I was just gonna say, I don't know what he's doing messing with these jokers. He should be out doing something more productive in his life. Richardson, you just go be handsome somewhere. Richardson is gonna teach you how to upsell. Richardson never sells an appetizer. He sells a five-course, Tully. Richardson, take it away. And they're like, "Oh, yeah? What did you invent dishes, Richardson? Fucking lose it." By the way, I just went on to Richardson's Instagram. He spells it only with 1D. They must have made him a mistake. They must have made me- They're like, "He's not hateable enough. Give him an extra D in his name. That'll turn him." The extra D stands for do it, Richardson. Teach us everything. Everyone's like, "We don't need to learn more charm from Richard to sin." She's like, "Yes, you do. Richardson, show him." And he's like, "Well, hello, ma'am. How's your night?" Horseface never teased like, "Oh, my. Hi. Well, you know, I'm pregnant, so I'm gonna need certain kinds of things. I can only get certain ingredients." And he's like, "I wish it was me, getting you pregnant right now." She's like, "Oh, my God. A lord or a dessert in a bottle of champagne." And that's how to upsell, Tully. Make a desperately smile. No, it's funny because when it comes to upselling at a restaurant, you know, I've heard that, yes, you're supposed to upsell because it's upselling. And then I've also heard that at a good restaurant, you're not supposed to upsell because it's sort of a trashy--not trashy, but it's like a--it's like a-- It's tacky, but you have-- It's all in the delivery. I mean, no matter where you are, if you're at a Porsche dealership, it's the same as if you--at the Honda dealership, you're just trying to sell your cars, but you can't be too tacky. You can't be like, "Well, here's the golden element. It's $9 million for no reason." You have to be, you know, start them with the basic if they're poor and then like move them up to an air conditioner, then add a removable CD player, then it, you know. Yeah. You got to do it subtly. Well, I loved all the waiters and waitresses, sitting there with their arms crossed, all angry that they had to listen to Richards didn't teach them how to--it was--it was kind of funny because he wasn't doing anything that was--he wasn't like-- it was like a TED talk for the most basic stuff. It was like, "Oh, you know, when you see a customer, be nice to them." And they're like, "Yeah, what did you invent? Welcome, Matt." Asshole. But the truth is those guys actually do need that. They're like, "Oh, fine." They're the worst. Lisa's like, "Look, Richards and Podewater brought bread, sold five salads, and did 30 push-ups, all right. Katie hasn't even come to the table yet, telling us." I mean, come on, Gordy's. We've got the fat fat. All right, telling. All right, Hanky, you give it a shot now. All right, faster, Hanky. Stop wobbling. Richardson, show them how I told you to greet a table. And he's like, "Hello, table." Lala, you're looking lovely tonight. You'll see he's not being mean to Lala. That's what I want you to do. All right, Richards, and now you're all kanky. That's right. Pick him up and have Hanky wrap his neck around you. All right, no good with a show. "Be your kanky, darling." "Be your k... be your kinky." No, look at that. See the way Richardson does that, Richards and knows how to be your kanky. Now, how about the rest of you try it? Oh, I found Hanky after he tried strangling Bjork at a fashion show, dying. Tossed him in the trash, but I've got him now. Be nice to Hanky Bjork, as I always say. That's why he's sick right now. He's sick of being treated badly by Bjork. Oh, Hanky, we'll treat you nice. So then we had a scene that there was like nothing in this scene. I don't know if you found anything funny, but Tom was modeling Tom. Why are we watching Tom? Like, who cares? Where are we watching a whole five minute? This was not like a little clip. This was like Tom, and he's like, "Yeah, I'm like, no, like when you're past that point of being a douche, but then you're like still kind of a douche and you're like getting burns, but then straightening them with your fingers to gel because like that's what dishes do." So like, you know what I mean? I'm like, "No, why do you want my TV? You don't even work here. Get out of here." They're like, it's like it's contributing to some like overarching thing about them. I think it's just trying to like add some flavor to what will eventually be this proposal that no one cares about. So then he's being forced into. He literally says this. He goes, "I'm staring down the barrel of the rest of my life, and the price tag is huge." I'm like, what the hell? Why would anybody marry someone who described it like that? Like, I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, and the price tag is huge. But I'm feeling good about it, man. Well, it's called Stockholm syndrome. So my hairline's getting funny, as you can see by this hairstylist, and in model years, that means it's time to get married, okay. It's like the ring's on a tree. So then we go to horse-face number one's apartment. Kristen, seriously? And it's like, I don't know why this made me laugh, but they were on the, Kristen was with James on the roof of her building, and James is like walking over to this little hot tub, and he's like, "Oh, Kristen, my feet are burning up on the cement, Kristen." It's like, maybe that's because you cheated on it, and it's mad. Yeah. Meanwhile, you know, this amount was probably like, you know, 65 degrees or whatever, but he's just so fair skinned that everything causes him to sizzle. "Oh, Kristen, we have five more minutes out here, Kristen, but before my skin stops burning off my bones, Kristen." This was so funny because it's like the typical Vanderpump rules hot tub scene where the water is like tinted yellow, and it looks lukewarm. It's like no steam coming up, and it's just Kristen sitting there with horse face, like, pensive horse face, and then do she, James, "Kristan, I'm blessed for this moment to be in a lukewarm, petented hot tub with you, Kristen, I'm so blessed, Kristen." And then they kiss, and she's like, "Well, maybe it's because you're cheating." Like, wow, you know, we fight Kristen, and then it's fine, and then in another month, we fall into another predicament, Kristen. Okay, here's why I get mad, because like, like, we're doing okay, and then you like put your dick inside things. He's like, "Kristan, I've never treated Kristen." Yeah, and then it gets to him being like, you know, I feel bad about lying to Kristen, but you know, I had great sex with Jenna, so that was wonderful. I don't regret it. It's great. It's like, no, I don't regret having to lie to Kristen, but I don't regret the sex with Jenna. It was hot, and great. It was great. It was almost, it was almost as hot as my career as I've now moved to a different corner of the set. Now I've got the bathroom. I can hear everybody being confused by the mere toils. That's so dumb, and Kristen goes, "Is that why you cheat, because you're like insecure, and so you need to cheat?" And he's like, "No, Kristen, it's because I don't trust you, because you cheat." And he tries to turn it into her cheating, which is true. And she's like, "Whoa, slow your roll, buddy." But I mean, it is like Hitler yelling at Hitler. Yeah, but the thing is that, you know, she, I think Kristen having lunch with Jacks is not necessarily the same, and he got involved with her knowing that she cheated. So I don't know what his problem is, except that he's just a, he's like a 22-year-old who's horny all the time, and he wants to bang girls, and Kristen should be going after someone else. He was a busboy who couldn't get airtime that fucked one of the crazy-ass psycho-star waiters, so that he could get a job, and he's done with her now. Bye, that's it. Bye. Bye now. They cut to that lunch with Jacks, and I just laughed all over again. He's like, "You can't be in a relationship with people you don't trust." I'm like, "Dude, you both, you fucked on someone else." You're like your best friend's girlfriend here, you're talking about. Yeah, and then you denied it to your, yeah, I'm counting into it was so amazing. I'm getting very Don Juan, like I'm too angry about something that I'm not even angry about, like I don't even care. Well, well, then we got back to sir, the next scene, and guess what was happening? It was Lisa telling Katie and she had to be nice to her a lot. Listen girls, I wanted to pull you aside. I've had a conversation with Lala. They're like, "Rala is not about what a horse she is." Now, listen. Katie's like going through difficult things, darling, her throat hurts. It's making it hard to earn. And Katie's like, "I have been mean. I know. I'm just like, you know, I just have concerns." It's like, shut up, Katie. You're mean. You're mean. You've always are mean to everyone every season. You're always mean. Oh, poor Katie. Angry mother, angry PTA mother. So she's telling the girls, she's like, "She's going through a hard time telling me to be nice to her." She's just like, "Listen, I got it. You like her? Ma." "Oh, I want to go through my life. I want to go through my life. I want to go through my life." That thing's happening in my life. But I guarantee you a bigger, like seriously, there's a shortage of canvases. I don't know how I can make my next five photo canvases. There's no more canvases left, okay? It's for us. I don't know. I have a picture of what that says over Lala. Ah. At least it's like, very good. So be nice to Lala. Goodbye. This is like, "Good job. Keep going through your things. Just do it with a picture in your hand. If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean, am I right, Lala?" At least I was at a girl Lala. Be nice to Lala. I'm just imagining Lisa swiveling around and walking out and then Hanky doing the same thing, but giving them both a look. Like, "Huh, I can't believe Hanky would do that to me when I'm going through such things." "What? Everybody worried about Hanky's Mac? What about my Mac?" "I'm not having an easy time with a new swan either." "I can't believe Lisa would buy a new swan the same time that I'm having issues with Shae." "I'm not complaining about Lisa would bring up Hanky when she left because I'm a payment of my Mac. All right, this is rare. Thanks take precedence over Hanky." "My favorite holiday is Christmas because that's when I get so many precedence." "Oh darling, you're crying. Would you like Hanky?" "Ah, darling, I'm Hanky." Be nice to Lala. Be nice to Hanky and I don't care about what's going on in your life, all right? Goodbye. "Turning her into Ann Robinson." "Goodbye." "And then Shina." "Okay, Lala, we'll have some tea after I say my marriage." "All right, get out of here." "All right, so the next scene is Tom and Tom. Tom is talking about rings. He's tuning up his guitar, which I don't know why it's hilarious. There's like these huge long sharp guitar strings and then there's a dog in a cone who's like bleeding from the eyes. Tom's like, "Whoa, dude, turns out like if you pull one of these strings, it makes a noise." "Whoa." "I was so amazed that he came too close and now I'll never see again and I'm going to keep him anyway because that's what adults do." "Adulting, adulting man. Where's such adults?" So my only note on this scene was that like the Tom's basically we're sitting there reminiscing about all the stains in the couch and then Faith came by with a U-Haul and she took the couch, which I don't know why she would take the couch and then it was basically, it felt like it was 10 minutes even though it was only like five seconds and then be like, "Bye Faith." "Bye Faith." "Bye Faith." "Yes, bye." "See you, Faith." "Bye." "You're going to take this couch and you sure it, do you have an eyes pick to get off the cum stains?" And she's like, "That's really gross, so I'll be driving this to the end of the block and leaving it there. Thanks." "Yeah, thanks." She's like, "I only agreed to take the couch that way, I could be on TV." "Welcome Faith to the cast, or did anybody have any furniture to get rid of or any reason that Faith should stop by?" "Anybody, for faith." "I got this used condom." "Okay, great. Faith used condom on King's Avenue." "I'm just here to get your old Keurig." "Oh, hey Faith, hey Faith, hey Faith." "Hey Faith, hey Faith." So then there's a scene. That'll be it. Every time Faith comes on, it'll just be like, "Bye Faith." So then... "Hey guys, thanks for the mattress. We'll see you later." "Bye." "Bye." "Bye." So then Lala... So now Lala goes outside to sit at the little table with Jax behind the restaurant. And she's like, "If one says that... Apparently Jax gets around a lot. Apparently, it's like a thing to get Jax." Which, you know, sounds kind of cool. I'm like, "Oh my God." "Yeah, you're screwed." "One thing I'm loving about Lala is she has the look in her eyes like she knows it's bullshit. But then she loves it too." Because twice in this episode, she talked to Jax, who was being disgusting. And he looks horrifying. His face and he has this big, looks terrible leaky scar. I mean, it looks like there's puss coming out of that thing. It's like mixing with his eyeliner that he's wiping across his fucking swollen face. It's not cute. Not a good look. And then now he's got this weird... Oh, sorry, go ahead. I was just saying, he looks like one of the bosses from Super Mario Bros. 2. Very specifically, the Fire Boss. Anyway. Glad I waited for that one. Bao Bao. Yeah, I know. I was like, "You bring up a good Bao Bao." Yeah. Well, the funny thing was last season, they brought on Vail, remember. And Vail was pretty, and she's pretty smart and pretty self-possessed. And she was like, "Man, she'll flirt with Jax, but she did not want to sleep with Jax." They're like, "Oh, wait a second. You know what always works? When we bring people on who'd like to have sex with Jax." So let's get this slot. Oh, sorry, Lala. I didn't mean to call you a slut, but we're going to go pour yourself off in Italy. But they're basically like, "Let's get this girl who'll bang her way to the top. They'll make it for fun times." So of course, now we have Lala. Lala. She's like, "Yeah, I totally want to get Jax." So they're like chatting, and Jax has this faux concern for his like, "So, did you girlish me you well?" And she's like, "I totally feel like I'm in junior high school here. I mean, it's like, "Yeah, I didn't go to that." But I mean, it's sad. They are bitches. And she's like, "Yeah, it's like dodgeball." And he's like, "Mmm, nope, nope. Never heard of that." But yeah, they're bitches, right? I'm like, "I think it feels like junior high school, Lala, because you're only 14." And also, I like that she's anti-type, because most of the women are like, "I'm a guy's guy, you know, this kind of girl." And she's not. She's like, "I'm normally a girl's girl, but since they hate me for out-horing them and being younger, I guess I'll be friends with the guys. Fine." Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then, of course, Jax is like saying that the girl from Kentucky isn't his girlfriend. He's like, "No, no, she's just this girl. Like, basically just met her in her first once, and she followed me here, you know?" But I love when they do this, whenever they poke holes in Jax's bullshit, when they cut to him being like, "So, do you want to be exclusive?" Which is like, like last week when he was like, "No, it's not like we're moving in or anything together." And they cut to him being like, "So, you want to move in?" I love this show. Well, thank God he got so many, probably doesn't know what exclusive means. She's like, "Sure, you just tell me what to do. I'll be here when you get home, okay? Keeping the bed warm." It's Amy at home. Yeah, I know. "Why it's not one, everything, honey." So, yeah, so that's going to be trouble. So, Lala likes the douche factor. She's both amused by it, and I guess, like, her vagina gets bored. I mean, I don't know why you would talk to Jax, and he's like, "Whatever, don't worry about it. There's plenty of dudes here. There's like tons of girls. I mean, there's tons of dudes. Like, just keep focus." She's like, "Okay, good advice. Okay, I'm going to tweet now. Bye, Shig." She even says, "Bye." Like, a hoe at the end of the day. She's like, "Bye, Shig." I know. "Take the money out of your wallet. Bye." She's like, "Now, I'm going back to my hive of Folly." Ahh. He's like, "Yeah, there are a bunch of treasonous whores here." Oh, Charlie Sheen. Never end this year. So, Ariana and Sheena. Okay, so now, here we are at the little hanky jewel. Telling. The jewel in hanky's crown, and yes, she does have fun telling. The inner sanctum of Sheena's life is this bedroom. Wow. So, last week we got to see the living room. Wow. Now, was there any wonder why Shay was driven to drink? To drink. It's like the set designer for married with children came in and built her a home. I'm like, "What is this turn?" This looks like the apartment I'd imagine Janice from Friends would live in, you know? Yeah, it's awful. Awful. This tiny little bedroom with still more of these photos from their wedding. The photos themselves, the content of the photos is terrible. Like, they're bad photos. And they're blowing up on these huge canvases that don't even fit on the wall. They're like hanging over into the door frame, you know? Like billboards and her big gigantic head frame, which you know, she got in like little Armenia or something. It's like white pleather with big, sharp, cold plastic jewel diamond things. And it's like a, and it's like not even like a queen-sized bed. It was like a full, you know? It's just like, so of course, I mean, Shay, every night has to go to sleep in this bed with its satin covers or whatever, you know, crammed up against Shina under a stupid thing on the wall that says like, "Love, live, and love, live, and laugh," or whatever, you know? With giant, giant, oppressive photo canvases of... I mean, on either side of their headboard. So you wake up and you've got one that's of the couple on the wedding day, you know, and he's looking at Shina and she's looking away from him, which I think is hilarious because that says so much. And then on the other side of the bed, you have one of just Shina and Shina's looking away at whoever over the bed at herself looking away from Shay. I'm like, "This relationship, all you have to do is look at the bat, aren't to figure this one out." Yeah. Yeah, no, it is absolutely... I don't know why he'd be uncomfortable. So he got a bloody head trying to get out of bat a couple of times, but, you know, Jules, it's worth it, right? And Ariana's like, "Whoa, I had no idea. You've lived like this. I'm so sorry. I almost dumped you, darling." And she has one of those big light bulb mirror things that my mom used to have in the 80s, you know? Well, you can see there's just no even sign that he lived in this bedroom, you know? Like, the red flags are everywhere, like she has not allowed him until... Like, she just obviously runs the show. It's like waking up to be... I imagine what he wakes up is like the same... It's like her in his face being like, "We're married. We're married. We're married. We're happy. We're happy. I mean, I would drink too." I think she's one of those girls who didn't even think about the actual guy. She just wanted to get married so bad and it was like, "Okay, I have a job now. I'm making some money. It's time to get married because you get married and then you have a baby and that's what you do. And that's guys my boyfriend's always gonna get married." And then she actually does it and all the pictures are taken and all the, you know, gifts are open. And then she's like, "Oh my god, now I'm just in bed with some fat guys addicted to pain pills." And those... I mean, those pictures are so bad. You know what? They're like the pictures that come preloaded with a new picture frame at a drugstore, you know? Like, but not as good. But you can't rip them off the canvas. Like you could at least change those, you know? It's like, "It's on the canvas." Oh god. So, um... It's like a cross of darling. It's like a Keith Herring. You're like badly drawn figures. I can't decide for it. Get those things off the wall. No apartment, no matter how tacky it is to serve that on its face, darling. Be nice to your walls. I'm telling you. Be nice to lala walls. So, um... Be nice to wall wall. Wall wall! Wall lines. I thought you said wall-y, but wall wall works. Be nice. Oh, Jesus. You know what, Tom, when I found out that you punched a hole in your wall, I was furious. Be nice to wall wall. Wall protect us, Tom. All right. Wall protect us. Smooth it over with wall, Tom. All right. You heard me. Don't ever tell my wife that you're not going to smooth things over with wall again. Tom gets spacky spackle. All right. Put him next to wall wall. So, Ariana is visiting her and she is, like, finally telling everyone the truth because, I guess, I don't know. I mean, I guess no one saw this one coming. So, Ariana is, like, looking guilty that she's been talking bad about Shina. You can see it all over her face, her adult face. And Shina just starts going into this monologue and it is so cute and it's very sad because obviously her feelings are hurting me like her. But it's also really hilarious because she's Shina. She's like, "Ah, you know, it's really hard. We got one." I mean, Shina's got for, like, four days, like, to see me while I start picking up the phone and, like, I feel like all over a zone is fine. I'm fine. I'm anywhere. If he's a girl's junior, he's really taught him how to lie well. And then, like, Tom's going to, Tom's going to buy a ring for Katie and I was just, like, thinking, "I just want to tell him don't throw it." I'm like, "Oh, my God. Now you're going to, don't stay in Katie's way." For Katie, finally, he gets the proposal and she stops it. I know. Yeah, watch Shina be the one. This is what happens when you... Oh, go ahead. Sorry. No, no, you do it. I hear one pause. No, no, you say it. I don't even know what you're going to say. I don't even remember what I was going to say. Something that happens when you go go cafe or whatever. Oh, but she's going off on this whole monologue and she's like, "Am I so, am I so self- unlearned? I couldn't even see what was going on in my own house." And then it cuts to her in the middle of the bed with these pictures staring away from Shane dying. Yeah, no, that was an amazing line when she said that. That was, actually, I think that was at the end of the episode when she said it, but that was my last note. I said, "Am I so, the quote, am I so self-centered that I don't see what's wrong, literally in my home?" And I said, "Exhibit A photos." Yes. Yes, you are, Shina, you're right. You had a moment of amazing introspection for a flicker of a second there. She rips off her eyelashes at one point. She's like, "I don't even know why I'm wearing these. I didn't need these from an episode meeting. Only I would wear me through an episode meeting." Am I that stupid? I absolved myself. I can't believe it. I'm just that good. So then it's back in the restaurant. Lisa walks in and James is in Ask His Mode, so his voice is all sing-song. He's like, "Hello, Lisa. Hi, Lisa. I heard this one's worth sick. Oh, no." And she's like, "Oh, yeah, it's terrible. This one, you know, the hankier. I think he might have bronchitis or something. I don't know." She's like, "Oh, I do hope your hankie gets better." I'll get some antibiotics from Jack Sterling. He's like, "Or condoms in case you want to fuck that Sorn silly. Am I right, Lisa?" It's like, "Oh, James. Fucking douche bed. Get out of here." It's like, "Well, I'm going to do a bad patch with Kristin." And she's like, "James needs Kristin. Like, he needs oil on his ass." Which, I don't know what that meant, but I will soon be. I thought you said a boil on his ass. Oh, a boil. I was like, "He probably does need some oil on his ass." Well, I just love that Lisa literally was like, "Well, between the bar and hankie, I'm just riddled with problems." Yes, yes, the hankier. Isn't that hankie? "James needs someone emotionally supportive. It's not easy pouring water and then turning iTunes play buttons. It's very difficult. He needs a supportive woman at home, helping him build his iTunes empire. He needs a gift card, a woman with gift cards." So then we have some ring shopping, a scene of ring shopping. I didn't write down any notes in the scene, because again, I thought it was kind of like, I'm just like, that guy man looked like a chip. Like, they dropped a fake diamond on the floor and Matt chipped off. And he was like, "Here's 7,000. Don't pay $7,000 a ring when you're going to a guy's apartment in like, I don't know, like Korea town. And there's a refrigerator in, like the studio apartment refrigerator is in there. Don't spend 7 grand. Yeah. Some apartment. From like a jeweler that you met in your three minutes that you were a bartender at Pump. Well, I saw him like you. At first I didn't see him because there was a giant planter in the way. But then when I craned my neck around, I was like, "Hey, there's a guy there. Let's be friends." I happened to be working on the day that Charles, the sunset was shooting, and this guy was watching him, and we met. Wow, good story. What a romantic story. So he pays 7 grand for something. Anyway, who cares? So then they're talking about Sheena, and Sheena is trying to be all normal. She's like, "I haven't seen him in a few days. Bye." I just like that noise here. I'm called every playoff compare. I'm called every frickin on us. Just trying to stay calm while I connect the doughnut holes. I just, you know, I called foot records and I said, "Is he at the produce section? Is he at the marketplace section? Is he by the sort of film?" I'm like, "No, no, no. Every time I walk past a lazy boy's store, I'd look to see if he's sleeping on one of those chairs. He loves to do that!" I'm called every relaxer back. No, nowhere. I even called Tuesday morning. He's not there either. And then the guys are trying to, of course the guys, Tom's like, "Man, I hope that he wasn't drinking too much." And then Sheena like gave him shit about it because that'll probably just make him feel like she didn't want to drink more. I'm going to call him. He needs my support. Why is it always a guy who gets the support, you know? You can't laugh to me. He's like, "Well, probably because she's annoying. I'm calling him." Sheena acts like a tough girl. But, you know, under those eyelashes are other eyelashes. You know what I mean? Deep Jack. He's stunning. So then James goes to hit on Lala. He's like, "Lala, Lala, Lala." And he tries to give it his hug and she's like, backing up against the wall. Like, "Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no." He's so creepy. She's like talking to her mom or taking a reservation or something. And he's in some weird pizza oven section, which I don't even think they have pizza there. And he's like creeping, kind of looking over the glass waiting for her to be done. Like, I'm going to walk back and forth with my backpack until you do. He's like giving her this creepy look. And then he's like, "Lala, Lala, Lala." I'm like, "Hello, Hannibal Lender. Get my hand on the pizza oven. What the fuck?" Creepy. And yeah, and he's trying to flirt with her in this creepy way. And she's like, "I don't, she's saying something." She mentioned some of the girls are getting antsy in their pantsees. That's what he tells her. Who talks like this? How are your own knickers doing? What do they smell like? They smell like horniness? She's like, "Oh, yeah." He's like, "Oh, you're getting wet." Yeah, I mean, he's just got that gross creepy talking. And she's like, "Yeah, they don't like me because I guess I think I'm going to fuck people's boyfriends." And he goes, "So do you fuck other people's boyfriends, Lala? Do you? Is that what you like? Fucking other people's boyfriends?" And she's like, "Well, yeah, tell me, you don't have a girlfriend." And then like, "I fuck you." And then you do have a girlfriend? Like, that's what I feel. Like, you're not helping a lot. Yeah. I have to get paid. So, you know what he reminds me of? James reminds me of? It's like, when people say things like, "I want you to come back, back there with me and suck me off." It's like, "Ew." Yes, porn talk. And he's like, leering. And I'm thinking this girl is going to fucking call the manager over and have his ass written up or something. But she's like, "Okay, let's be real. Do you have my back?" He's like, "Yeah." No. She's like, "Okay, great." Because I don't like beating around the bushes. And he goes, "I don't like bushes anyway. No bush here. Ugh, bush." And she's like, "She's disgusting. I love him." Yeah, she's like, "Here's gross." But I like the accents. So anyway, like, it's open. Sometimes it's nice to have a bus boy around, you know? Like, standing there waiting for the printed filter can take part at bed. I can't wait to go home and share this odd mama. So, Cina and Lisa, this is the big therapy talk. Lisa, not a therapist. She knows like, "Herman, show you laughing, the new guy." I loved also how I started where Lisa's like, "All right, what's wrong?" You know, I don't often see you tearful. I'm like, "What? When is she not tearful?" She's like, "That shows how much you're around this restaurant." Yeah, exactly. She's like, "All right. I've left Hanky's bedside to talk to you, so make it quick." "I've never seen you cry, darling, but I have never watched a show. I don't have a DVR, darling. I just have Ken tell me what happens." Are you crying because you're worried about Hanky also? Because I get that. So, she goes into the story of how he's been drinking a lot, but then she found out he was taking pain pills, which that is a really rough addiction to break, because it's basically heroin, if he's taking the oxy or whatever, you know, that's not good. So, that's so sad. And he's taking five a day in drinking, and Lisa's like, "I thought he was just fat, darling. I never saw this one coming." Yeah, cool thing. You see these drug addicts on the street and they're all thin. You don't know the real dark side of addiction, do you, darling? Yeah, and she's crying, and Lisa's like, "Okay, okay, calm down. Breathe through your nose. Breathe through your nose." I'm a demon, I don't stop, though. I literally can't cry through my nose. Literally, it's all happening in my nose. I feel like I'm being cheated on with pills. It was bad enough being cheated on by fruity bubbles, and now pain pills. Oh my poor thing. Yeah, that's bad. Lisa's like, "Yes, darling. You're right to be angry. It sounds like he's an addict. That's awful. This opens the door to so many more questions. He's not the man he thought he was, darling. Have you seen Lifetime? Darling, congratulations. You've possibly earned another season. All right, make it happen. Goodbye, darling. Please clean up the tablecloth, but please, please, uh, and then we get clips of the romantic relationship while she in a cries and Lisa feels nothing, and it's like, "Why do birds suddenly..." It's like the golden corral getting mac and cheese on the... It's like, "How does it work? This is so sad, darling. Be nice to lala." Be nice to lala. Careful, thank you. I want to save your marriage, darling. Be nice to lala, or ask my advice. Bye. Uh, well, that was it for this week. Oh gosh. Oh, can I point out my favorite way to end this? When she in a cry, she lifted up her arm to wipe her eyes and her tattoo. It's all happening, and I was like, "This actually works for sad times, too." Like, "It's all happening!" And it's the perfect tattoo. I'll just stop it from ap-a-bag. Hanky's like, "I know, I know." Hanky's sold my store. He's like, "I'm hotter than you. I'll be nice to you." Thanks, Hanky. Everybody thinks like, "I just upsold her an enchilada." She just bought some tissue from me. Upsell. Okay, and he's like, "I'm in love with Hanky." Hanky, what's important to me? Be nice to lala, Hanky. Everybody, thank you so much for listening to the Watch what Crapin's podcast. As always, still fun. Our Hangout is tomorrow night, or tonight, which is Wednesday, or was yesterday for listening to this Thursday, and so on. You can come to patreon.com/watch what Crapin's to find out how to do that, or our Facebook page, facebook.com/watch what Crapin's. We love you guys. Go leave questions from the mailbag. Special show next Thanksgiving. Yeah, that's it, Amen. That's it. Bye, everybody. We love you. Bye. If you like Watch what Crapin's, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. Hello, ladies and gers, boys and girls. The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tiz the Grinch Holiday Podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting, and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like John Hamm, Britney Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all. Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa, and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real Whoville who'd done it. Can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow Tiz the Grinch Holiday podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content, and listen to every episode ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcasts. (upbeat music)
