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Get free shipping on qualified orders. See site for more details. Textures, the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere using your phone or tablet. Try texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium subscriber, Christie Doherty. We love you, Shuttermama. Hello, welcome to the Watch Your Crapins podcast, the podcast, featuring all that crap. We love to talk about Umbrovo. I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV and as usual, I'm with the gorgeous, good mooded, lovely quaff, lovely quaffed, Tiago infused, Ben Mandelker from B-Sneig blog. I am so good mooded today and I don't even have Tiago in me. What I have is good old-fashioned Starbucks from a clear cup with snowflakes. That's right, some Christmas decoration, y'all. Snowflakes on it, but the snowflakes look like cocaine. Looks like someone was snorting cocaine off my ice coffee cup and that's just totally unacceptable. They are turning Christmas into a cocaine-sniffing, godless affair. Thank you everybody for listening to this and thank you for everybody who supports us, or thank you to everybody who supports us on patreon at patreon.com/watchworkcrapins. That's where you can go get our bonus episodes, ring tunes, hangouts. It's it. Come to watchworkcrapins.com for links, subscribe on iTunes, etc. Come to facebook.com/watchworkcrapins to talk crap with other listeners. You guys are posting there like crazy, it's amazing. It is absolutely amazing. So good. We're getting so much gas from there. Tons. Tons. I'm looking at it right now. If I seem a little quiet, it's not just because you're talking. It's also because I'm looking at actually the Gossip on our Facebook page right now for our podcast. Sagar. So that's it. That's it for our plugs. Finnea. You like that? We're trying to get that quick and easy guys because I know it's been about five minutes of blying at you already. I know. Now we'll fly you with things that really don't matter. Yeah, we have there's actually a lot of stuff to bla at before we get on to the shows for today, which include Ladies in London, season finale, and also below deck. And I forgot to watch our praise ski. I'm so sorry, Ronnie. I hope you didn't watch it. You know, I didn't. I pretty clearly remember that we made a stand that we were not ready to commit to that show yet. That's right. So just pretend so on the on the mountain of recapping, we are down at the snow lodge drinking hot cocoa and saying, you know what, we don't need to go up there today. That's exactly right. We don't need to we don't need to go on to Shut Up Mountain. I don't want to shut up. I don't want to feel trapped in a gondola with people who probably would hate me and that I hate. Yeah, exactly. I feel like I'm serving somebody in a gondola telling is a terrible that whenever I think of a pretty ski, the really the first thing that I think about and the only thing I think about is that girls gigantic pewtwo Gallagher eyebrows. Oh, I love those. Those are the makeup the nerd girl makeover eyebrows. I love those eyebrows, Ben. Just makes you want to like nuzzle to do some like weird Eskimo kiss with them, except with your eyebrows. Like an eyebrow and eyebrow fuzzy kiss and make static electricity. She does kind of have Leon eyebrows. They both do. I think they eyebrow trim which are so kind of a new thing. But well, they're thick line wise like the line with this thick. But it doesn't she I think she like actually trims them because I think they look they look manicured, but they also look like they're as thick as like a chunky magic marker. Okay, yeah. Okay, like not even a sharpie. This is like one of those like a highlighter. Someone took a black highlighter and highlighted her eyebrows. But I do want to check back in on that show mostly because of that girl. I really like that she speaks in like memes and stuff. I really like that. She'll be like, wow, that's Mr. Friday night over there. Am I right? That's the way the cookie crumbles. Hey, no, you're just crying over spilled milk. You can't stand the heat. Get out of the kitchen. That's what I always say. I don't know if health rose over or just whistler. Every little bit of an Andrea left there, a little Andrea from Real Housewives of Melbourne season one. Speaking of other franchises, Real Housewives is really expanding and we're not just talking about the fillers and the breasts. Okay, there are a lot of things happening. First of all, I believe we didn't talk about this, but Real Housewives of Cheshire is coming to Bravo in the US. People have been telling us to watch that. Well, guess what? It's coming to us. How are you feeling about that, Ben? Bullish more accents for us. I'm all down. I'm down for the box. Are we going to watch it? Of course. Are you kidding me, Ben? Yes. Okay, I'm down. I saw the first episode last year or when it came out, you know, or when it came out on YouTube. I saw the first, I think, episode or two episodes and it's pretty difficult to understand, but I think that like any other show will get used to it. I think it's going to be one of those shows where we're going. It's going to be like a Rorsage or you know, it's going to be like, we won't really be able to understand it. We're just going to take from it what we want to project onto it. We're just going to look at the blobs that have been splattered all over the screen to try and make sense of it in any way that we know how. This show is all about mommy issues, so strange. So the other thing is that after Andy Cohen famously announced a few years ago that there would be no more real house wives, things have changed. You know, Miami has fallen by the wayside, RIP, and DC has fallen by the wayside. So time to go into expansion mode again. We are now getting not just real houses of Dallas, which was leaked earlier this week, I believe. We are also getting what we learned yesterday in a surprise move, I think, the real housewives of the Potomac or of Potomac, which is kind of like my, I think it's their way of saying, well, we want to do something in the DC area, but we don't dare use the word DC because, you know, so many people disliked real houses of DC. So basically, this is a new franchise that takes place in Maryland in the suburbs of DC. And it looks crazy. It looks crazy. And I'm so glad we've got another black housewives. It's about damn time. And you know what? It's almost an apology for the Dallas one. Yeah. Like, I feel like Bravo's making a huge move by saying we're willing to put the widest people in the world on television. Okay, we're giving the hat. You thought the housewives were white red before. We're going to Dallas. And to make up for it, we're going to also add a black housewives. Yeah. Bravo. Maybe thanks, Bravo. That looks fun. There's actually a full trailer up. I mean, this was, this really caught me by a surprise because, you know, all the other real housewives are from significant geographical areas. You know, I mean, Orange County, arguably before, you know, before the OC and before the show came around, Orange County wasn't as well known, but, you know, Beverly Hills and Miami and New York and New Jersey. These are areas that people know. And I have famous stereotypes. So Potomac is sort of strange because there's no Potomac type that people are aware of that people want to like find out about. But I'm down for the cause. Oh, I'm sure there will be a type. There will be now by the time this shows done, it looks pretty good. And they're fighting about interesting things. It's not like tea party fights. They're actually fighting about, you know, racial division and religious, religious division. I mean, it's pretty interesting. You know, no one's faking cancer or Lyme disease or whatever. It's like real things. I can't wait to see, I can't wait to see those very important topics totally destroyed and bastardized by Bravo. So it's gonna be great. I'm speaking about faking cancer. The other big news since Tuesday is that Brooks has fessed up that yes, he did fake the city of hope, cancer claim. And he blamed it on everyone else. He was like, well, you know, I did it because I felt, you know, I did it because I needed to provide something for the story. And everyone was questioning me. So I did it. He basically blamed the show. He blamed the women for lying. Well, have you ever bought something and you didn't keep the receipt? And then you wanted to take it back. And they said, where's the receipt? And you said, I don't have the receipt, but I remember buying it here. And so you walk around the store and you pull the tag off something else and put it in the pocket and then do it again. It's like that. I bought it in the first place. I just lost the receipt. You understand? Yes, it makes total sense, Brooks. I'm on the I'm on the Us Magazine article right now. And I'm afraid of videos about to play while I'm on it. So if you guys hear some noise, all of a sudden apologies. But he's like, what I did wrong was inexcusable. I acted alone without Biggie's knowledge. See, there it is. See, I told you there'd be noise. It's like an assassination. What are you confessing to? Jesus I know. He's like, I never intended to disclose my actual medical records or detail my details about my private and personal medical history, thus the rationalization of presenting documents that weren't true simply for a storyline on the show. So he's like, well, I don't want to show my real ones. So I'm going to produce some fake ones that are going to stand in for the real ones that I'm still not going to show. Well, I'm okay with violating my fake privacy. But my real privacy is my business. And I will continue to look for those records and possibly maybe show them to you if I feel like it because it's my prerogative. He should you turn the tune? He should do the O.J. He should do to take the O.J. Simpson stance of, I will not rest a single day until I found those cancer records. For the rest of my life, every time you see me, I will be looking for those cancer records. Well, one night I was in bed with Biggie. And she said she was hungry. And I said, "Honey, I would get you anything in the world." Roses are red, violets are blue, eat 24s on the phone. You want me to pick your credit card number and get some pizza sent over? She said, "I want a casserole." I said, "I don't know how to make casseroles." And she said, "Pretend to have cancer, someone will bring us a casserole. I'm the O.J. of the O.C." Well, no one ever brought that casserole. So who's on trial now? He's like, as a university of Louisville basketball coach, Rick Patino once said, "The stakes can be good. They are fertilizer. Everything I've learned about coaching, I've learned from making mistakes." And guess what? I made mistakes too. And by the way, that was actually a quote that wasn't me making up Brooks. Brooks actually said that. He actually quoted Rick Patino and said, "Mistakes are like fertilizer." I'm like, "Yeah, because you are full of shit." To quote the great Abraham Lincoln, you might have heard of him. I have to go to the bathroom. To quote, "There's a special lady in my life that I'd like to quote and she says, 'Give me your tire, your poor, your hoodled masses, yearning to pre-three." That's right. That's Lady Liberty. And I have been emancipated by the Statue of Liberty, who's also my girlfriend. Child support. You know, Vicki's just mad at me because I met a new lady and she's a big lady. She's a lot of lady to handle. She's actually several stories tall and made of copper. Well, after dating Vicki, I'm ready to date a statue. Just having a woman who will sit still. You know who doesn't change her story? That statue. My favorite movie of all time is "Working Girl" because it starts off with a big long shot of my favorite woman, Statue of Liberty. I said, "Let the river flow indeed." Right to the Statue of Liberty. I'm normally not into women with hats, but, you know, that one has Rowan Island, and no one's going to fire the Statue of Liberty ever. Now, do I believe there should be a wall up against Mexico to keep the immigrants out? Yes, but when my lady says, "Bring in the immigrants," I mean, how could I say no? I love everything the Statue of Liberty stands for. My god, every time I see a woman standing there holding a trapper keeper, I get a heart on. I remember watching Ghostbusters 2 and she got up off of that island of hers and walked over to Manhattan. I thought, "What a brave moment for my little lady." So stupid. Oh, speaking of stupid, I wanted to say you guys, I'm so stupid. I'm a total batch, I know, but, you know, when I'm wrong, which is all the time, I have to have them. We should have a special moment where I'm like, "Guys, remember when I said that? Totally lie." Totally lie, yeah. That totally lying false statement last time. So I was going on about Real Housewives of Atlanta, and I was saying something about Kenya selling a show that was stolen from Shirei or some shit. You guys, I'm just reading the internet. I'm stupid. Shirei did sell her show that selling it in the Atlanta is a Shirei Whitfield pro-duction. So there we go. Yeah, there you go, props to Shirei. Sorry about that. Yeah, big props. That's actually a big deal for, you know, especially for like a fallen reality star to get a to sell a reality show. Good for you. Good for your job. Love you. You guys, that's a big step for a housewife. That's a real job telling. It's my fucking, you know, Claire's, you know, Claire's boutique runs out of your trunk. Doing a trunk show for Claire's boutique. Put a sticker on it. Wait, there's one other thing. There was like just so much gossip that happened between Tuesday and today. I think I didn't actually read this article because it's a podcast and it's the internet and who cares? It's a bravo. But someone posted on our page, it probably was in DC or Michael Cook, but maybe with someone else. He knows that. CMC on the CC. So it's official that the twins are not coming back to New Jersey. Thank God. Yeah, we reported that Amber. We reported that Amber's not coming back, but now it's that was on our bonus episode. If you want to listen to the bonus episode, you get to hear us talk about Amber, but no, actually no. The twins too are done. So good. So good. Yeah, that's my, that's my commentary. Good. I definitely noticed the lack of reaction. I felt kind of bad for everybody this week because Jim and Amber come out and try and get all this attention and people are like, yawn, go to bed. No one cares. It's a conspiracy. It's like a JFK that nobody cared about. It's like nobody cared who killed JFK. Okay. Sweep it off the road and let's keep moving traffic. I know division, division. Yes. And then so they got fired. I think they probably got fired first and that's why they went off. But anyway, they went off and then someone tweeted it. Andy, I mean, I don't know. I can't write all that shit down. It was when I do what's wrong. Anyway, somewhat, are you saying the thing of the like, what do you think about Amber? Yeah, something and he just wrote back, which is, I mean, in Andy, it's total ice. He wrote back. I wish her well. Yeah. Ouch. That's like an auto reply to an e-bike. It's like an auto note to an e-bike that you can tell was just sent from the Gmail. They didn't even go to the e-bike. It's like the one time I met Countess Luan and someone said, oh, yeah, this has been he writes for that website beside blog and she goes, how wonderful. And I was like, okay, and I like ran away. It was so scary. Oh, it's so good. Did he get chilly in this apartment? Another story for the celebrity falls. But that one was an actual story because I actually talked. You're like, the year was 2009. Well, that story was actually, I've told the story before, but that was actually, that was actually part of like a larger story. Should I just tell it again? It's quick. Basically, Alex McCord, Alex McCord for my real house, I was in New York City, and I used to be Twitter friends. Yes, that's it. You put that feather in your cap. How about that or in my cap? But we were Twitter friends and she posted a picture of her, Ramona, and Luan. They just come to LA for some bravo press thing. And so I DMed her or I tweeted at her. I didn't even DM her. I just tweeted at her. I was like, oh my God, maybe I'll run into you. So she direct message to me and was like, oh, we're going to the IV. Maybe we'll, we're going to IV right now, like 1 p.m. Maybe we'll run into you. So I was sitting in my underwear and I write back. I'm like, that's so funny. I have lunch plans across the street. I had no lunch plans. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go stalk these bitches. So I went over there. My back book invited me to lunch. Yeah, exactly. So I went over there. And so Alex is sitting there with Ramona and Luan at the IV, the famous picket fence. And I walked by as if like, what a coincidence. And I like wave at her. And I'm like, Alex, I'm like, oh, are you here? And she's like, oh, why don't you, she's like, she gestures to me. Like, why don't I come into the restaurant? And I'm like, oh, oh, this is so funny. Oh, sure. Yeah, I guess I could come in for like a few seconds. Meanwhile, I'd like driven there expressly to go to her in the restaurant. And I walk in and coincidentally enough, Kelly Bensemon was also at the restaurant and she'd been seated at the table directly next to them. So I go and I'm like standing there. And it's so crowded at the IV. I mean, there's like no place to stand. There's like waiters. It's hard. It's just like very difficult. And I'm standing over this table, directly, standing directly over Alex Luan and Ramona. Ramona is like in her phone. She's like not looking up. She's like, how's this work? My email, how's this work? She's like scowling. Luan is just not paying attention. And Alex is being very courteous, but I'm like, the dragon, I'm like, I'm like, here's Kelly right here. All of my, all these people. And, and Alex introduced me to Ramona. And Ramona, like he's like, oh, hi. Yeah, okay. And my phone, my phone. She's like, Alex, can you fix this? Can you fix this? She like does not, Ramona does not give a shit about me. And then this is when, I mean, I've already told though, the payoff, which is that she then introduced me to Luan and said, oh yeah, he's a blogger for a beside blog. And Luan just looks at me and goes, how wonderful. And I could not have left the IV any faster. That was my, that was my interaction with Real Housewives of New York City. Unfortunately, you're not an appetizer. Changing to an appetizer. Thank you. I'm like, Luan, but I brought you a, a la fran sense. She's like, what's that? That's not a thing. She hadn't heard of it yet. She was actually in a bathrobe with the beginning of the IV. Oh, Ben, that's one for the soul. We were listening to music keys today and laughing. Oh, should we do our mailbox? Yes. Let's do, let's do our new segment. Wait, I have it. It's, it's not ready. Oh, sorry. We're okay. It's ready now. Okay. It's the Watchcrap and Smail Bag. Welcome to the Watchcrap and Smail Bag. November something, something is something. And then it just ends. I think the music just ends. It's a 10 second loop from GarageBand everyone. We're Real Housewives composers now. This is from the Watchcrap and Smail Bag, which you can submit to if you support us on Patreon. All right. Good for it. Okay. Here's a great question from Housewives Junkie. You two have been asked to colonize Mars in a special space mission. You have to take five Robbo Housewives. Which five would you take and why? You can choose past present or past or present Housewives. Ramona, because I think everybody should stay calm in space because it's going to be stressful and she's going to look so stressed out that everybody else will feel calm. Yeah. I think this is actually a really hard question. I feel like maybe Leah Black. Well, you know Leah Black will get her ass out that spaceship meet every alien out there. She's she's already has her spaceship. She's like, well, why don't you just take Mars? She's like, I know the mayor of Mars. It's already colonized. We get there. She already has like a table of sushi. And he's like, what do I kiss along? Welcome to Mars. I haven't asked her. Meet my colorist. March has been shooting that aliens the entire time. Her colorist is like, I see red. Yeah, dude, you're on Mars. Okay. He's like, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. I want Gina. I want to bring Gina. That way, when we're walking around in Mars and we do in fact, I didn't find a Martian. She'd be like, I walked right up to that Martian. I said, get off my planet right now. And guess what that Martian did? He got off my planet now. Now listen here, Martin. You may be green, but one thing I'm not green at, the law, I'm embarrassed to find it. Oh, mate, you're an insignificant ass. Hey, fuck off your stupid com. I never said any of that. Well, man, ass girls. Man con may have been looking for signs of intelligent life for years and years and years. And now that we've found you, guess what we know? You're just an insignificant ass hair. Get off my planet right now. Listen, I'm not saying anything about you because I like you. But what I am saying is, you've been in six parties on Facebook and everybody knows it. Talk about giving the blob jobs to the old people. Martian. Go on then, admit it. You make up artist all this Martian. Martian, you really smell. How about you have one of my Gina Leano sips, make the smell better. I love Morrison, but what an idiot. I think that will probably Shannon. I think we want Shannon up there as well, you know, and it's only appropriate if I have Dr. Moon that I'm on Mars. David, David, are you on Mars? David, I will go to all ends of the earth and to Mars to find your mistress. Oh, the Martians left me chocolates on my pillow. Thanks, Martians. Oh, I guess Martians don't have to think about their ways. Look at that. Well, one thing I like about Mars is not a lot of fat and extra sugar up here. Martians, I'm trying to turn on David's find my iPhone. What's your Wi-Fi? Here lies Shambador, abducted by Martians. Martians, we gave her more love than her husband ever could. Martians, this whole lack of gravity thing is making it hard to tape up the poster boards you made, graphing out our relationship. How do you ever post anything up in Mars? That's what I want to know. David, David, I need you to lose weight. Everyone else is floating around and Mars is your gravity, but I'm just walking on the ground. I'm happy, David. Too much fat, too many gaster pubs. The only person that doesn't float in space. There you go. And guess what? No clouds to stare angrily at. Thanks a lot, Dr. Mound. I would have texted him, but my phone didn't work up there. Thanks, Mars, huh? So we have we have Gina, we have Ramona, and we have Shannon up in Mars. Are there two others that we can that we can add up there? At Lea is there, but we didn't take her there. She's just already there. Yes, she's already there. First, she's like already there. Like, where are you guys? You know, they do get a phone call from Teresa. Hey, I just want you to know that down on the earth. Yeah, I found a deal, though. Yeah, have fun, Mars. Hey, I heard the boss heads, fuck each other with the old does. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. Yeah, you can hear them. Yeah, that's what they do. Yeah, there was they told me to go inside today because someone flew a spaceship over Mars that said, Hey, Teresa, that's how I inside. Teresa checks in to Mars, to Mars, checks in to Mars with Mars. Okay, so who else that leaves one more. I think Vanderpump just so she could be like, yeah, I'm doing, and Jeff. What are we doing? What is this? I'm not doing this. I'm businesses for crying out. You've got these little things roaming around the planet. You know, what's your map? What's your roadmap? What's your goals, darling? I mean, so far I see you've been on this planet. Nothing's been done. There's no way to eat in here and tell me. Come on. Chamber of Commerce. I'll introduce you around, darling. Darling, please come to my new restaurant called Supp stands for Sexy Unique Planet. Mars is sexy. It's a sexy, sexy planet. All right, it's already here. This is the kind of sex. That's why I like this planet. I came here to open up a bar and play cool, jazzy music from Argentina. All right, darlings. Where's your arsh hardware? I need giant pots. All right, I need Martian penny. Do you have any Martian pennies around here? Chef Martian penny. All right, introduce, introduce the Mars is a tuna tartare penny first on Mars. Where's the nearest leg? We need to find a tuna. All right, you don't have anyone named Penny. All right, anyone who's lost the Martian version of supermarket sweet or supermarket sweep against children. All right, just get them. Get them. Marvin, you're cute and small and green. I can have a Jew come into my restaurant. You work for us now. And that's it, right? Did we do all of them? I think so. Well, I assume also that Yolanda arrives in her cryo frozen chamber to get rid of her analyses, but I think that's I think that covers like I came all the way to Mars and still did not find a cure. I think they have a Gucci. Well, maybe, maybe Jiren is there too. You know, if you want to do a space mission, do a space mission, Mr. Jetson. Those washes were complaining that John was putting the hands all over. I mean, you're a boss. If you don't want it, you don't want it. Like blow up the world then. I mean, what am I going to do? You know, I was like, take out the chaos, Kran, and just, you know, figure out what you're going to draw on Mars. I don't know. Let's be here, Martian. I'm going to cut your balls off. I'm going to shut them down. You have to route talk about my daughter again. All right. Okay, we actually have other questions, which will be a good segue into our next show. Lola Del Rio, one of our favorite listeners of all time. She's been with us since Housewives. Go down. Lola. She asks as I burp. Regarding ladies of London, why do you think Annabelle and the ice queen are so ready to cut each other? Me thinks there's some super strong, super long standing bad blood. Oh, yeah. I think it's called their British. That's like some high school shit. Yeah. Oh, no, they have a history. And we'll get to that later in the show because they do have that like sit down at the tea shop. I would really love a cup of peppermint tea. I love a cup of chamomile. Like, why does everybody have to give a shit what you'd really love? Make your order. Oh, Alexander loved it when I ordered peppermint tea. I reminded him of going to a dark club and having sex on a swing. Peppermint tea, rocket roll, Alexander. I would love some of those dried leaves on a separate plate with a razor blade. And a Starbucks straw cut into. Rock and roll. Lori asks Lori and Cummings. We love Lori. Oh, Lori is great. Have you checked out Julia's fashion blog? Have you checked? I haven't looked at it. I think that I feel like I'm just going to guess that everything that we saw on TV was everything that's on the blog. I feel like it's probably two photos for everything at one time in one anorac. Yeah. Sometimes people will just share one Instagram. So I want to show all of the clothes in it. From dress suit jacket. So I guess while we move on to ladies London, sorry, we don't have any fun closing music for our, we can play this one. That was the mailbag. That was the watch. The mailbag in the mail. Mail. Mail. Mail. Mailing through into our mailbag. It's going to end in three seconds there. See, it just ends. I didn't even stop, but it just ends on its own. That's okay. Copy it. Paste it. Put it in a loop bin. You're never going to be a music supervisor for Bravo. If you don't learn how to use the Apple loops. Yeah. Fleury, you're just three seconds too long. Too long. We couldn't, it's only so long that we can sing. Mail, mail, mail, mail. So no more. You're fired. No more. Clear the flowy. Clear the flowy track. Marantina, find us new music. All right. Now, guys, ladies of London, what the hell? Where are you going? Why are you leaving me? And why is there no reunion for ladies of London? Why? Really bothers me. Why? I want to see some polite fighting. I love polite fighting. They're fighting on the show is so good. Darling, I really respect you as a woman. It's unfortunate that you're such a sad sack of shit on the inside. You know, we go so far back and sometimes I find you to be a silly cow, but other than that, you're quite lovely. Darling, I know that you're a wreck of a human being, and I'm fine with that. But the other girls don't know, darling. They're not marinated in your brand of youthlessness yet, darling. You must give them a chance to grow. Thank you, darling. What a lovely talk. Annabelle, in your book series, did you include daft idiot me in it? Because that's a part of you, isn't it? Well, that's under bullied me, darling. You turn the card over and it's a picture of you with horns coming out of your head. Hello, darling. Simon Tevel. Yes, darling. Oh, thank you for telling me that, darling. I love being British and upfront about things and then talking about being British and not talking about things. I'm feeling nothing. How about you? Me neither, darling. All right, nonhogs, nonhogs. My favourite part about being British is just moving on from things quickly and easily, and then having grudges afterwards and then saying that we've moved on, but we're still having grudges. So, Alexander. They're like previously this season. Alexander. I was like, darling, no, no. That's very, very previously. All right. Too previously. Previously. Previously on Annabelle. Alexander. You're of a previouslying me, Bravo. Alexander. So, the show began with its typical public domain music, which is perhaps produced by the same people who brought us Flurry. It is, but it wasn't a girl power song. I was very upset. It started with just music. It was like, no, it was girl power. Well, it morphed into it, but it started like, wet girls. It started like, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. I was like, oh no, you better give me some girl power. And then it went into, you got a lot of nerve. Thinking I would take you back. Yes. I love it. Riding down the lyrics. I did too. Yeah. Love it. You have a lot of nerve. Like, what? I hate their petulant public domain music. Yeah, their music is always mad at somebody for not treating the song like it's enough of a girl. They should just play Wagner. Like, play Flight of the Valkyries or something. Like, I would love it if every episode be out dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. I think it's amazing how many complaining girls songs they can find. Like, everybody's always mean to girls. They're like, you can look down at me, but I'm a girl. I know. All the songs are like that. You can close the door, but I will open it. I know how to use a door knob too. It's like, great. You just want to be like me because I'm a girl, girl, girl. Don't walk on the carpet. Walk on the wood. I walk wherever I want to, which happens to be the wood. Uh-uh. The song said cross, but then I didn't. I'm a girl, girl, girl, crosswalk, girl. I'm only cross about my walk, but I won't cross the crosswalk. So then they always intercut these girls songs with like the moms being slaves to the kids. Yeah. It's like, girl, power. Mommy, may I please have a baby chino? Okay. That's a direct quote, by the way. Direct quote. A baby chino. Yes. Yes, darling. Yes, you may have a baby chino. First. No, I never even heard of a baby chino. Is that a thing? I don't know. We're too poor to ever understand a baby chino. Well, I love that little boy asked for it in such a like 1940s school boy way. Mommy, mommy, may I have a baby chino, mommy? It's like the tiny Tim of our time. Yeah. Oh, no, no. Who's the one Oliver? Is it? Lisa, may I have some more? Maybe she now. Please, mom, can I have a baby chino? Please, sir. May I have some more? There you go. Here's some porridge. No, I was actually looking for a baby chino. Oh, yeah, here's a little thimble of espresso. The modern Oliver twist. It's like the poor kid who can't get a baby chino. He's like, I don't want to get in this town getting coffee cold, right? Baby chino. And then we see Juliet throwing a birthday party for her dog and giving it like a chicken with a candle in it, which actually made me laugh. And I really appreciated it because we've seen so many bullshit episodes based around birthday parties for dogs where like the whole thing is like, you know, I thought it'd be really fun. I brought all the girls together and I had a party for my dog. And then everyone brings their dogs. And then they spend $10,000 on like floral arrangements. I mean, that happened actually on Melbourne, right? Wasn't there a whole thing with Figaro? Yes. Anyway, she got sugar, Paris pups. What's what's wads things? Pups and Paris. Pups and Paris. Like everyone does these extravagant parties for their dogs. So I found it to be like, here's a piece of chicken. She put chicken on the floor with a candle. I was like, finally, this is what it should be. And then the dog gave her a taste of her own medicine. I was like, I want to have a party somewhere else. I don't feel at home here. The dog's like, have a wolf at chino. I hope Marissa has a real party for me at a restaurant. Yeah. She always helps. You've got a lot of nerve taking that one thing to you back. Baby hugs Caroline. So Caroline with her children is hilarious. It's such a sitcom plot. This week, Caroline has to look at her children. Yeah. And she's like, what's in your hair? Toothpaste? How did you get toothpaste in here? I'm surprised she wasn't like, why is there toothpaste in your hair? Not caviar. Clear boy. Put caviar on his face. Pauline? Put caviar on my son's face. Darling, it's important to learn to only get very expensive things on your face. You know, I mean, Pauline, she's one to get toothpaste in your hair, but not you. Don't you have toe face. Don't be a po-paste, paste, po-person telling. Don't get don't be a paste, paste, po-paste, po-face, po-face, po-face. Post a po-paste, post. Never mind telling Peter Piper, whatever. Valentina! Oh, little boy. Put some foie gras on your forehead or caviar, but not toothpaste. I mean, what are we? Just Pauline and Rainier at a Renaissance fair? Man news, man, ran out of caviar. So I'll put toothpaste in your little boy. Oh, that explains it all now, doesn't it? Clear. Wipe away the toothpaste, put in the caviar. Who has the caviar brush? Bad news, man. Valentina use the caviar brush to clean the tea. Oh, my goodness. That's not used to all be on your teeth and caviar be on the forehead. I mean, what's so hard? This is literally the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, is wipe off toothpaste from my son's face. I can't bear sitting here knowing what I've done and enjoying myself at the same time. I'm so sorry telling. What do you mean? I have a bit of camel fur on my cheek. You see, Diana's had to do it. Toothpaste, he did. Go to your room. Rainier, carry him to his room, dank. Bad news, man. Dropped him down the stairs. He found a toothpaste too. Oh, what was a toothpaste doing in the bottom of the stairs in the first place? I don't know. I think Pauline ended there. Oh, there's a sale at Marsha's. Marsha's. Who's Marsha's? No, it's the stores. It's poor. Never mind, man. Oh, clean up the toothpaste. So girl power. Now Annabelle, again, it's like Annabelle walking down the street in the rain. Go power. I'm alone in the rain. Flaming. Flaming's like, oh, I heard the doebell. How lucky are you? Would you like to come in? Well, I would like you that I have a house right here, right where you want to walk in. In my family, we believe in letting people in from out of the rain and warming them with the glow of our knowledge. Please come in. Let me help you. How funny is it that the man who installed my doorbell, his great, great, great, great, great grandparents were killed by my great, great, great, great, great grandfather. How funny his entire family destroyed. And now he's installing doorbells. How funny is that? So what I liked is they're catching up about Denmark and everything. And Annabelle's like, you know, Denmark was amazing because it was like, everyone was having their own personal drama. Like, no, only you were having a personal drama. Everyone was having a good time. You were the one having personal drama. Don't try and give it to everyone else. I loved her personal drama. If Annabelle was having personal drama like that in every episode, I'd be like, make of the star telling. Yeah. I love that Annabelle leaning back with a cigarette at dinner like, mm hmm. All right. This is the part where you must talk to the hand. All right, rock and roll. Speak. Speak with the hand that I have put up in front of your face. Oh, your daughter. That's what I say to you. Rock and roll. Rock and roll. I don't like the little one who's like kind of I don't like the victim he went. I like the strong one. He's like, fuck off. Rock and roll. Yeah. No, me too. Even if it makes no sense. So then Julie and Juliet arrive and they're all sitting around eating broccoli and lentils awkward. And Julie, you know, when Annabelle's awkward because she starts talking in her weird puppet voice, she's like, oh, oh, and she's like moving like a dish towel or add as a puppet. What are you doing? She starts, she starts talking like those puppets of Margaret Thatcher from the 80s. You know, you know, those ones, I forgot what they're called. I forget what they had a name, but they were like really big. There was like a Ronald Reagan one and a Margaret Thatcher one. Yes. And they're in the Genesis video. Yeah. Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop it me. No one's mad at awkward puppet me, eh? Hey, hey girls. Awkward puppet me. So then so Julie's like, yeah, I really enjoy Denmark and then Caroline Fleming. Oh my god, I love this. She's like, well, I'm really glad you enjoyed yourself because that means that you're fond of me. And so at first, I'm like, what a strange thing to say. I imagine you're being like, how lucky are you to be fond of me? Oh, no, she had her pissed off wedding voice where it's like a monologue. She starts, she talks a little bit louder and a little bit more curt, you know. That must mean you're fond of me. And we should have known the trap was said and Julie's like, yeah, well, yeah, of course I'm fond of you. She's like, oh, really? Because I heard you call the friend and said, why is she joining our friendship? Because I've heard that she's a terrible person. I was like, what? Where'd this come from? I'm so glad that you love me because I've heard that you think I'm a horrible person who's going to murder every baby in town. She's like, um, who said that? What? Who said that? Oh, well, I just say that. But that was a long time ago. What? What? Yeah, I mean, it was so awkward. You could hear a pin drop on the bookcase in the middle of the dining room table. And Julia, and Juliet. She's like, yeah, you can see how she is. Like, when she gets mad, don't piss me off. She's right. I mean, cute. I love when a Caroline Fleming attack comes out out of nowhere. Oh, yeah, she does. And she she'll yell at your ass. Yeah, she drops that act really quick. By the way, I looked up the Margaret Thatcher puppet and I feel really happy about it. But I still can't find out what they're called. Spitting image. Spitting image. Oh, go ahead, speak of what it's called. It's called spitting image. Those puppets are called spitting image. Oh, I was making Julia a total whisk, a total whisk too early because at first she was kind of strong. She was like, uh, what? What are you talking about? Like, what are you yelling at me about? Yeah. Yes, I heard from a friend. She's like, yeah, that was like forever ago. Like, you know, they've already had the discussion or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. She didn't even deny it. I may have forgiven you then, but then in thinking about it, I wondered if you were truly really aware of how your actions have affected the entire royal family. I can't, I can't have but wonder now, now that you think I'm a terrible person, that every time I asked you about the flavor of equity being so wonderful, if maybe you were not being totally sincere when you said, yes, it is a wonderful flavor. Do you truly forgive? Great granddaddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, band, band, band, band, band, band, band, for killing your father's granddaddy, band, band, band, band, and poor person. That's something we need to move on from. You don't think I'm terrible just because we murdered your family, though. Do you? That's not just a murder, but it was historical. We put his shrunken head in the case upstairs, you touched it. Wow, lucky are you. Yeah, I have some of that equity. It is a wonderful flavor. You have to admit it, even if you are, even if you think I'm terrible, it's a wonderful flavor. That bitch is crazy. They're lucky it wasn't Drano, like in Heathers. I know. Crash through the coffee table. So then this was the perfect chance for Annabelle to jump on and start attacking Julie. She's like, well, I was having a hard time with Alexander. I was having a tough time. You didn't reach out and cut on me. You didn't reach out and cut on me. It was uncuttle to me. It was uncuttle to me. It was me without a blanket around it. A blanketless me. It's a bit long to fit on the card, but we'll find a way. Yeah. We're going to hide the title of it behind a tree. So you can't read it. You just wonder, why is that me blanketless? It's freezing out there. So much to go cuddle it, but you can't, because then it ceases to be uncuttle me. It just remains uncuttle to the rest of life. I've only got enough budget for two more cards. So then Julian Annabelle are now fighting. Julie's like, well, you know, I admit it. I did it wrong, you know, but like, I didn't know. Like, I didn't know if you wanted anything brought up. I didn't want to do this. Annabelle's like, a coddling of kiss is not bringing anything up. Just wanted a coddling to kiss. But I sent you a text. I mean, I did send a text. Look, I sent it. And then she whips at her phone. And they show her phone. And it's like a 20 page text. And she's like, they're a Santa bell. I'm really so, so sorry. With the way things went down. It's just that, you know, things feel bad out. And then I feel this way. And then emoticon, emoticon feelings. I don't even know what I'm typing right now. Cactus emoji. I don't know where that came from. She's like, I tried to send it then Siri said it wasn't good enough. And we do it. It said, didn't go through. Do I want to try as a tax? I thought I already sent it as a tax. It was the first time Siri and I ever got in a row. First time. So then I love that then Caroline Fleming, now tries to help out and she goes, you know, oh, the one person she really wanted a hug from is you. And then Julie's just like, I know that Caroline. But there were all these people and then like everybody was going to hug her because it's like Alexander's dead day or whatever and Fleming goes, yes darling. But even if there was a queue, you should have stood in line in the queue and waited your turn. And when it was your turn, you sort of given a hug and a cuddle. She's like, I know. It was sort of funny saying Julie get really annoyed. Caroline, because she's already annoyed that Caroline brought this other thing up right before this. And now she's doing with Annabelle. And then Julie is having this. She's just losing it. She's like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Then Caroline's like, well, she's like, let me talk. And seriously, Fleming, shut up. Who were you? You don't even speak to your family. Shut up. Over there. How lucky are you? It's like what I think she's trying to say is, I'm not too old to date whoever I'd please. Thank you. I think what Julie is trying to say is that, yes, it was rude that you all relate for breakfast that time in Denmark. When you can't respect somebody's family in a castle, how can you be expected to respect Annabelle's feelings when Alexander dies? I think that what Julie is trying to do. I think what Annabelle's trying to say to you, Julie, is that, yes, Akwavi really does have a wonderful flavour to it. Wonderful. Only in civilized countries are you supposed to adequately puree almonds before you make the butter. In some countries, chunky butter is just fine. Aren't you lucky? I think that what Annabelle is trying to tell you, Julie, is that she can smell the cabbage in the air. She can. And Julie's like, but I texted, yeah, what are these texts? What are these texts? This is everybody's sending. Yeah, it's like all you do. It's like texty, texty, texty. I'm right here. You don't have to text me. All right. You don't have to swipe anything and just look into my face stunning. She's like, can I ask you directions? No time. Real conversation. And then Julie just, and then she's like, I have kids. I have jump balls. I have Maperton. I am frantically busy. That's her life writing letters. I mean, Shakespeare was alive. He had have done everything through Siri. It would have been something's molten in Denmark, you know, because stupid woman didn't understand what he was saying, because Siri is busy. Siri has a family. She cannot concentrate on every single word you're saying at every moment. What is she just with Siri? They need to make a Julie Siri where you're like, Siri, tell me how to get to them all. She's like, I can't. I'm just so tired. At first, she'd be like, well, I mean, I guess you could go. You could go down, you know, you could take a fountain to La Scienega, or you could just take sunset to La Scienega, or I don't know, maybe traffic. So maybe take matters. I mean, I don't know. I mean, there's somebody from Champ. I mean, why are you asking me? It's not like I know these things. I don't know. I'm just, I've got four kids. I can't. I'm so frantically busy. Are you walking or are you going to drive? Oh, there's bike directions. You want to know what has bike lines? Where the helmet? Oh, God, get it there on time. Where did you put your tea? Where'd you put your tea? Who's tea is this? Anyway, so after the fight, then Julie goes and meets up with Marissa. They have brownies and white wine spritsers. Of course, it's like, well, well, after that, I had to talk to somebody and Marissa knows her. Marissa loves her. They're good friends. I'm so good at her. She's like, Marissa, you won't believe what happened. Marissa's like, really? Tell me. Is, is, I have a question. Is Julie, have we turned Julie into city rose from big business? No, be good. Well, kind of, actually. Yeah, they're similar because she does get her voice. And I would like to add that on Tuesday night, I got stoned, ate half a pizza with my friend Marcos, and then ate basically like a pint of ice cream. And then we watched big business stoned. Oh my God, I just did that five minutes ago, but on a podcast talking about profit shows. Weird. It was so great. I should have invited you over. I'm sorry. That's a good night. That's a good night, Ben. It's a good night. Oh, it would have been nice if you invited me, but I understand that you're peeling things, but I just can't help it. We got to talking and, you know, I was wanted to farm and little animals. You know, I love to chop and get on with it. We broke up. I don't just have babies. I have board members, and they can help me out at any time. So for those people who are not, who are, that did not happen in ladies of London, we just are quoting big business with Julie voice. Okay, so Julie and Marissa are talking. And that's, that's, she basically talking about the whole thing. And it's what you just said before. She's like, we never had a row. We've never had a row. So good. Yeah, that's basically basically like, yeah, I get it. I mean, look, she's a single person. Her relationships are more important in a way, because she doesn't have a husband and kids. She doesn't understand what that's like, you know, yeah, like if her shoes are hurting, you're not hugging her. She's like your little kid who needs to be hugged. She doesn't have to be owned to hug her. She's like alone. No one loves her me. Donning. It's like, Grant has arthritis and can no longer hug me. Too much time on her hands me. You know, I'm one of those single people and I have issues like that. Sometimes my friends with kids and in relationships where I'm like, well, what about me? And they're like, Ronnie, honestly, I've been barfed on screen that kicked and beaten. All right. My dreams are dead. Do you really want to talk about your fucking day at the Whole Foods? Shut up. So then we get to the fun stuff, which is Caroline Sanbury, and she's at home. Her children are running around all over the house and she's just sitting there, sipping tea, like get me out of here. I have to reopen the gift library, so I don't have to be around these little animals. Look, I understand that what you see is a fabulous, gorgeous, wealthy woman who's loved and has a staff and a lovely carpet. But at the end of the day, there's no sign behind me telling people to be nice and children are heathens no matter who you are. Even the queen gets shat on every once in a while. Yeah. A lot of her kid comes up and she's like, "Mommy, mommy, can you sit with us? Can you sit with us, with us, mommy?" She's like, "Yes, I'll sit with you. Don't fall off your chair." She's like, "How do I get off my stool and move to a different one? If there's any evidence of you touching me after you've touched me, you will never touch me again, do you understand?" Chare time starts now. You have five minutes. Now I went to, she was teaching them to eat spaghetti. She's like, "Here you go. Ten fork, ten fork, stab bowl, stab bowl, two." She literally said, this is a direct quote. She goes, "Put it on and twist. Valentina, twist the fork for the children. Swallow, all right, excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, put your finger down your throat and beat on with it, darling." Pauline, more spaghetti, please. Valentina, twist, twist, stab, twist. All right, Valentina, you stab Pauline, you twist, both of you go. She is so funny. She's like, "I don't care who you are. I defy you to spend two or three days alone with children." So good. This is a job that you don't get to go home from. It doesn't matter if you've been kicked out and there's no more glass wall between you and them, darling. You still have to go there. Bad news, man. Pauline made another pot of spaghetti. Gonna do some more stab and twist it. Amber, we need your wrists. Amber, my child has turned orange from spaghetti sauce, wipe him down. Slowly, slowly. How did your heart melt when that little kid was like, "Mommy, may I hug you?" "May I touch you?" She's like, "Slight." Slowly. Hug me slowly. Don't hold on. Let go. Let go. Around the waist. Now around the waist. All right, let me stand up. Hugging the knee. Hugging the knee. What do you want? Do you want me to sit in the chair or do you want me to stand up and be hugged? You only get one. Can I hug you in the chair? No. If I'm in the chair, I'm in the chair. If I'm hugging, I'm out of the chair. It's one or the other. I have high, terrible nannies from my children to have manners like this. Fire the nannies! Your hands are orange from Marinera sauce. No more hug for you. Roberto, when you've learned to clear self, you can come back. Clear self. Clear. Clear the Marinera sauce. Oh my god. So Marissa is planning our party for Annabelle's "Me, me, me." I love that the season is ending with an Annabelle "Me, me, me" party. It's just that I need to pay, I need attention from people if they're supposed to be my friends because I've written a book that's all about me. Listen to yourself, darling. Can you imagine what Annabelle's real friends are thinking? She's like, "Oh, yeah, Naomi, please, please come. I'm having a book reading of something called the "Me, me, me" is at a place called Bumpkin. What has happened to you, Annabelle? I don't know, but it's all a very rock and roll. Well, we're talking about other semi-reality people too. I mean, I don't know where the line is. Is that like a bad thing? Like, I've been, I'm sorry, darling. I can't come to your book thing because I have a cupcake store opening. I have to go to you. I promised my dear friend, Petina. But you were important to Alexander, darling. Alexander here, he would have loved to have somebody read that book on a book store and, you know, pull it down with a blanket. I mean, let's face it, you know what I mean. I'm sure if Alexander were here, he would love to sit on a little pillow and bumpkin and listen to your silly, short story. So she is planning it. She's like, "That's why it's so little, it's special." We're gonna have little hot dogs over there. So this was a cute scene. Marissa's being nice and Annabelle needs somebody to be nice because, I mean, yeah, Annabelle's moody and stuff. She's hurting. She's not, she's not a bitch. Like, no, she's just, she's just not in touch with her feelings as much as she sort of is. She acknowledges that she's not in touch with her feelings, but she puts up walls and she obviously misses Julie. That's where this is coming from, is that like, you know, they were so tired and now Julie's hanging out with some other people and that can be hard sometimes. Back in the TV guys and days, I used to write recaps all the time about, I'd call them sidekicks and masters and because it's a common trope in reality TV that you have the quote-unquote master, which is like the alpha and they have a sidekick and the sidekicks are always, you know, the sidekick and then every now and then the sidekick, you know, get their own wings and or they go with different master and there's this really awkward prolonged friend divorce that happens or strange emotions because it's like every housewives ever or that show, I don't know if you remember the show's sorority life, which was one of my favorites of all time on MTV. That show is nothing about sidekicks, nothing but sidekicks getting their wings. It was always, they'd go to some ugly sorority and the girls would join, they'd be like, oh my god, best friends forever. And then a sidekick would be like, oh my god, there are other girls, I can be friends with that side of my master and I'm like, I'm gonna be friends with these people and the master's like, I can't believe she's friends with those people and then it's the whole season of them. I taught her how to wear makeup. Yeah, that's what it is. They never would have been friends with her in the state that I met her and I made you. That's what, that's exactly what it is. I mean, sorority life season one, oh my god, I wish I had that on TV. Well, Caroline, I mean, Bethany and Jill, Lisa and Brandy, Vicki and Tamara in a way. Brandy sort of did it to herself though. Brandy started to gain wings, but she also kind of just like, screwed that one in the future. Well, yeah, but she got to she got to she got to Melinda Doolittle where she was like, I'm the lead singer. I just remember Simon years ago being like, yeah, Melinda, you're a wonderful backup singer. I'll say that about this performance. I was like, damn, I was rude. For a moment there, I was like, did he just reference Melinda Doolittle from American Idol season? I sure did. Of course, you know, I was totally rooting for her. I loved her. I wonder to win. Oh my god, me too. They make it sound like hard work is such a bad thing. Simon's like, you've been in this industry for 30 years, working your ass off, singing your way from one end of the country to another. What could you possibly have to bring to the table? Maybe that she's been singing her ass off from one end of the country. Experience. You've walked before. We need a fetus in here. Get me on to the fetus. Anyway, yeah, typical reality, darling. Yeah. So then we get to a scene of Juliet. It's like a basically Juliet storylines kind of ended several weeks ago. So now she just sort of putters around episodes now. And so for this, they're like, oh, I guess let's put like a little button at the end of her, uh, at the end of her season long arc, which is I started a fashion blog. And it's really cool. And it turns out that, like, if I can express myself, I am happier. It's like, where did this come from? She's like, oh, I noticed that I really annoy people and I thought, how can I annoy people or something other than my mouth? So I'm wearing a fur coat over a tank top over a tuxedo and a ball gown with a wig and a really chunky necklace. So it just reminds me of home. It reminds me of Thanksgiving at home in Chicago, it catches layers. When it's really cold outside, you just put on whatever it's around, you know, it's crazy. Like, if there's a sweater on the floor, then you like, you just, you wear the sweater. Like, I love, I love when reality stars talk about starting a blog as if it's some accomplishment. It's like, you just entered in your email and a password and clicked on a few buttons and you have a blog. Okay. It's no, we did it. Okay. No, we do. Getting a kismet registered to a really long time. It was hard. But no spam. So she's cute. Yeah. I like her. I like she's much better this season. Yeah, I like her fashion business. It's very funny because she's very, um, Stacy London and what not to wear, you know. Yeah. She's like, look, she shows up just looking crazy. She's like, hi, I'm going to tell you what to wear, what not to wear. Those make you look fat. Like this makes you look crazy, but at least they're not like, she's fat. You know what I mean? So like, it's called destruction fashion. Hey, Caroline, I'm just calling to let you know that, you know, I called you fat, but it was like a joke. I was just saying, like, it makes you look fat, but you're not actually fat. I just want to let you know before you're different from someone else. Thanks. Bye. Caroline and Annabel now go meet, right? I'm like, wait, one more time. I was laughing at you. Jolie, I goes, yeah, I'm like, I'm like, um, like a fashion fairy godmother. I don't have a wand, but that's all. What does that mean? Like Cinderella? It's midnight. So here's the best, uh, and a perk and a beanie and a top hat. So that'll save you. Bippity-bop-ity-boo. Am I right? Right. She got her prints because she looked crazy and dudes love crazy chicks. #crapinsquotes. So, um, so now it's, then Caroline and Annabel and me and, um, they're like talking and because Caroline wants to find out what's wrong with Annabelle and let her know that she's sort of being a bitch and she's like, you, uh, you are petrifying to people. I'll just say, you know, thank you, thank you. Listen, just so you know, you, you, you're petrifying to people in such a, in such a very regal, sophisticated way. So classy the way that you do it, I'd like to point out. 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To get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com/crapins. That's mintmobile.com/crapins. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com/crapins. $45 up front payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only, speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply, see Mint Mobile for details. Hey, Prime members, have you heard? You can listen to your favorite podcast at free. Good news. With Amazon Music, you have access to the largest catalog of ad-free top podcasts included with your Prime membership. To start listening, download the Amazon Music App for free or go to amazon.com/adfreepodcast. That's amazon.com/adfreepodcast to catch up on the latest episodes without the ads. They're classally terrified of you telling. I think you're doing it with manners, but it's still rude. You understand what I'm saying? Darling, thank you for telling me this, because what I was feeling is that Alexander was being stabbed and Julie was sending me little faces of little cartoon faces of people blowing hearts out of their eyes. That could have been Alexander's head exploding. How can I be expected to have fun in Denmark when Alexander is being stabbed to death five years after he committed suicide? It's very difficult when you're in a group and the people in the group are having fun. Yes, we are getting to some real psychology the day, guys. Digging, telling. This is also the part where they were like, I would love a jasmine tea. Rock and roll. This is also the polite fighting. I just love polite fighting because the scene opens with like done, done, done, done, done, done, done, fight scene. It's a fight scene, girls. And then they show them walking down the street together, arm and arm. Yeah, like walking like old friends, arm and arm going to have tea. Yeah, Caroline, Caroline sits in a chair and she's like, oh, this chair has no give, does it? It's like, oh, that means the fight's on. This chair has no cushion, what'd she say? It's hard as nails. Like you were, regal, sophisticated, but way too old for this space. No one wants to sit there. So this turned into a very odd meeting because Caroline was being honest and she did tell her also, darling, I know that you're emotional and psychotic, you know, in certain ways, but the others don't, you need to let them know for put up a bulletin telling something. Yeah, just remember that they're not British. They don't understand things. All right, so you, you may be angry at them, but but they don't understand the way we do it. So you have to actually just express feelings. And I was like, no, feelings. But I stabbed them with a fork. No, darling, no, no. That's not how they do it in America, right? They smile and hug and then stab each other in the fall. But this turned into a very odd scene where Caroline was, I guess, meaning to be in charge of something since she's not at work anymore. And she's like, darling, we called you in here because we've been going over your performance review. And you don't even seem to want to be here. Is this your destiny? Is this your calling? When you look around in the office break room, are we buying snacks that you want to eat, darling? Or if you have a palette that's just not up to our Amazon prime standards? Do you still want to work at this company? Bad news, mom. I hadn't been last and answered yet. She told us to wait for her to snort the chamomile. Let it settle into her brain, mom. Bad news, man. Looks like she loaded everything into a cardboard box. Valentina, music. Station chains. Bad news, man. And about took all the peppermint tea bags when she left the office. So you do like our office snack ordering, darling. All right, we can be friends. You're invited to my girl page party. Bring jelly tots. Oh, by the way, someone sent me jelly tots. Amazing. Thank you so much, Miss Red. I love you so much. Let me a package of jelly tots. I almost cried. And then I binged. They were amazing. Could someone send me a package of chocolate? Thanks. So Caroline almost let Annabelle grow from the friend group. I don't know when she became the CEO of the friend group. Yeah. Yeah. She was like a representative. She was like a delegate. She's like, well, I think what all the girls want, want to know is, do you want to be with us? And most people would be like, this is kind of weird and offensive. But Annabelle's like, okay, when you're with us, it just seems that you hate us. Like, you look down your nose at us. She's like, well, yes. But that's who I am, darling. I thought we were accepting each other for who we are. You know, mine is disgusted with you, me. All right. So we want you to stay, but be nicer when you stay. So Annabelle's like, well, I thought I was being quite nice. You know, I'm just joking with you. You're a delight. It's like, stay, but just be somebody else. All right. All right, Pat on the head. Good to see you, darling. Love the sweater. Very bold. It's got padded shoulders, rock and roll. So then Caroline is getting all girly. And she's like, well, here we are at the end of the season. Things may not have been going good, but I love my girls and I want to show them, go at a pool party. She's like, yeah, this might seem flippant to have a pool party. But I say I've got more money than all my girlfriends. So in a way, I'm just inviting poor people over to drown. It seems kind of fitting if you think about it. She's like, you know, it's probably not the most sensitive thing to have a pool party when you've just put about 40 people out of work. Anyway, so good body. She's like, there's no butts. There's no butts. They're just good. That's all. Blow floaty, floaty, Valentina, in turn, floaty, in turn. She's like, Pauline, just lie there in the pool. All right, just lie there. People will ride you. Someone gets them water wings for Pauline. All right, we're going to have Pauline float down the pool. All right. People can just come sit on her and just be floated down the pool. All right. Valentina, get the infeder bladder, get him and put Pauline on it. Send him away. Marissa's like, wow, it's a wiener. Like a hot dog. Well, I like the I like the party planning when Caroline has this planter and she's looking over the menu and she's like, what's a tuna poke? I think it's like, you know, what's doing on the statement? All right, send the tuna to the party. I'd like to hug the girls with tuna poke. I'd like to show the girls how much I love them by poking them with the tuna. Whatever that means, darling. All right, just send it around on a trade, darling. I'm sure Julia would like it. Mad news, mom. Pauline's drowning in the pool. Prince darling, I told her to float, not drowned. That's why you can't keep a job, darling. All right, get the be nice sign in there. We're going to toast her up, darling. Get bigger filters. So she she then hires a bunch of rent boys to be at the party. So funny. Of course. He's like, why don't you get a rent boy, mom? It's a good idea. Hookers. I can't have hookers in the house. I have children, darling. But what would you rather have in the house? Hookers are children, good points. Clear the children, bring in the hookers. Well, just make sure that you bring in children hookers. All right, so they're at least all in the same peer groups, you know. Call me a bad mother, darling. Do the hookers know how to eat spaghetti? You don't have to teach them that, too. Stab and twist takes a different meaning with rent boys, doesn't it? Sponged bad. That rent boy is selling. I want to have dirty hookers in my house. And this is clean. That's right. It's a good mothering right there. I'll just buy you to spend two days in a home with dirty rent boys, stunning, sponge them down, pulling. I'm the angriest me of all me's. OK, so she's getting ready for this party. And then, of course, synthesized guitarists from GarageBand, come on. Annabelle's going to a big book signing. Angry me. I used to read about Angry Me. Everywhere I turn, there's cut-ats of Angry Me's. I'm fondly comfortable at a party. Disappointed me as having a lovely conversation with Angry Me, who's talking to depressed me out of Lithium Me's bad decisions. Rock 'n' roll. Oh, look, there's borderline me. Oh, god, there's, I refuse to eat a hot dog sideways me. Don't embarrass me. Don't embarrass me. Don't embarrass me. There's a lot of favors. I like your party. So, this was a cute party. So, this was a book reading where she was reading Angry Me. Her first book, Angry Me, the angriest me of all time. Children gather around. I'm angry. Gather around the angry, crazy-faced woman, darling. I want to read to you, because when I was a child, I was dyslexic, and I just wish someone had read to me, you know? I mean, there could be an angry dyslexic child walking around, going, "M-M-M-M-M-M, you know, it's me, darling. It's me. I'm doing a service for the children, darling. Robles." I'm not an Eminem. So, she reads her story, and it's cute because her grandmother comes, and after she reads and just reads her children's book, which actually seems pretty adorable, she thanks everyone. And I loved it, you know, because her grand is there, and granny is old. Granny quite possibly intersected with characters from Down Abbey. I'm not even saying that to be snarky. She was probably, Granny was probably around in the 30s, you know, maybe even the 20s. Who knows? And that's something Down Abbey people are around, which is crazy. When I saw Granny, I just thought, "Is Ben sitting at home, monologuing to himself about mothballs?" Because that was like one strong whiff. I got it. I was like, "Dramming, I love you, but back away!" I was. All of the mods in my apartment promptly felt the ground and died. It was like, it's like that, you know. It's like the sun shone in, and all the little vampires turned to dust. Granny's walking around with coch-resity all over and knows, like, "Doyly time bawling, rockin', bro!" So I love the granny, because she is from the old garden. Truly, I mean, she is from the Down Abbey era, and I loved when Annabelle was thanking her, she's just like, "Oh, thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you." She said, "Thank you," and I was like, "Oh my God, I love this lady. She is perfect." And she didn't refer with her hat. I was like, pure perfection. Yeah, she was pretty cute, and Annabelle's speech was so funny, because she's like, "I would like to thank everyone for coming to me by me. I've written this book about me, because I've been going through it difficult. There's been difficult time me, and here I am in a restaurant with a cardboard cutout, and me is talking about me while you're staring at me awkwardly, awkward me." So I'd like to thank Gran, who's got Gran me, and I'd also like to thank, you know, like, friends, whatever, you know, people I've known, or whatever, or, I mean, I know them, so, like, friends, thank you. Everyone's like, "She really opened up!" Annabelle was like, "Ugh, controlling." Darling felt awful, darling. Oh God, yeah. And so then we go to the season ending pool party at Caroline's place, where, and then I love Caroline doing last-minute adjustments. She was like, "Remove the children's toys." Clear. I mean, there's a way from the pool, balling, breathe, take air, go for air. This was so cute, getting ready for this party, because, we'll look at the study about this. Oh yeah, when they were driving up, all the rent boys are so cute, of course. Like, rent boys are generally cute. Like, you have to, but they were super cute, and they were coming up to greet all the ladies, and they're like, "Yeah, baby!" And then he gets to Juliet and Julie, and Julie is like, "Oh my God, what is that? What? Oh my God, that's a guy in his underwear. I mean, is that guy coming to? I don't have any change. Do you have any change?" I was like, "No, I don't know. I think he's like a guy. He must be a friend of Luke's." I put this on the fashion blog. I know he's gay because the only man who looked at me that hungrily are gay, and they're so hungry, and I always have mac and cheese in my hair. Do I have mac and cheese in my hair? Oh my God, is it burnt? Tastes it. Oh, he looks so cold. I hope I can make him some hot chocolate, but I'll probably burn it. Oh, I hope that rent boy doesn't yell at me. And then, I don't like people who are named after rent. I hope I can save Mapperton. Do you rent boys help? Pay the rent? Should we get some rent boys in Mapperton? Have you ever just said a cafe? I'm so friendly busy. She said, "It's almost like she thought texting wasn't good enough. I was crying when I was texting that to Siri." Well, everyone knows that if you're going to write an apology to Annabelle, it has to be in like a scroll and a feather quill and sent via pigeon. Well, Julie, you know, I get that she cries and she is busy and all that stuff. I don't think she's like a bad lady or anything. She seems like a totally nice person, but I'm kind of with Annabelle. I get what she's saying. She's like, "You can send me a text all you want, but I was like crying right there, and you were just kind of giving me a dirty look. So you can pretend you're all nice now, but you are definitely like doing something picky-sidy earlier." Yeah, and the other thing is if your friend is like sad about something and you send a text and it's obviously a bigger issue than a text warrants and then they're mad at you that you only send a text, your response should be, "Oh, I'm sorry. You deserve more attention from me than just a text." It shouldn't be, "I'm really busy and I'm so frantically busy that a text was all I could do." It's like it's just not that may be true, but it's just not what you tell a friend. And if you do, you don't say it in a defensive way. You say, "I'm really sorry. I was so busy. I wanted to send a text just so you know I was thinking about you and then I wanted to follow up." There's a way to do it maybe, but don't do it as like, "Well, this is my side of the story is that I'm busy." Don't do that. That's not how it works. That's not how you validate someone's feeling. That's not how you be a good friend. Yeah, I'm not really sure what her deal is, because I'm not sure if it's as innocent as, "I was just busy and so I texted you because I think the main point is you were on my side and then you were on the other girl's side and at the end of the day I'm still a girl." I'm like, "Girl, now that you won, and she's like, I wasn't choosing sides. I was just busy." You chose sides, bet. And you were right to do so, but at least have the nest to say, "Well, I was choosing sides because I felt like you were trying to control me and make me fight your own, your battles for you and that's not cool either. I'm not your fucking puppet lady. You only liked me when I was doing what you wanted and you could literally pat me on the head in public. And then the second I don't, you get all pissed off." She has an argument too. She just doesn't make it. She's like, "I'm busy." Really? Make a document. Come on. You're on a housewives show. So they kind of actually rehash this stuff at this pool party, and Bravo tries to make it look like it's gonna be a big drama, but it's actually a pretty civilized discussion, and they make up. And basically the season comes to an end, and of course there's no better way for the season to end than with one last spurt of generic music where I only wrote down some of the lyrics I just couldn't anymore, but it was like, "One, having too much fun, and we won't stop until the sun come. And two, and what I want to do is turn it up with the crew." I was like, "What is this ridiculous song?" This is how we end a marvelous season. "It's a girl's at a potty, clinking glasses 'cause we're at a potty, have been drinking a potty." "Girls, girls, drinking a potty." I don't want to work anymore. I'm just going to a pool party at the door and Caroline's speech. "I would like to thank you for coming to my girl, my girl power pool party. You are all like family to me, and by that I mean I'd like to see you for one hour a week at most, and then have you shuttled away and tucked away somewhere. I don't have to hear you. Thank you." "You're all like family to me, and by that I mean I wish a nanny would come in and wipe all your faces." "You've all got toothpaste on your faces." "Now ride Pauline, just grab on to her hair." "I can't guarantee anything to the business." "Direct all the questions to Valentina, please thank you." "Look, I'm so sad when she said my family is big now, and it includes all of you." "What about me mum?" "Do I still get the Christmas 2012 wave mum?" "No." "So their end of the year stuff is really cute, Julie." "I haven't saved Mapperton, but I'm on my way. My goal is to be the best Julie I can be." "Good." "Girl, thank you." "Yeah, and then Marissa, I'm on that all, and I'm going to get it." "Sidemase hot dogs." "Flaming's was the best, because when they show her like clip of her in real life, just taking her kid somewhere or whatever, she's wearing this black hat that comes down over half of her face, like she's covering her face, like there ain't even that one pops there, get over it." And she's like, "I am at peace." "Dark hat covering face." "I hope that bringing my journey to the inevitably small screens and little huts across the lands can help other people, preferably poor ones, who don't understand almonds or butter." "How lucky are you little people behind the camera? How lucky are you?" "How lucky are you to be healed by my journey?" And admittedly, it's a journey that really was not documented, because there really wasn't much of an archive, I suppose, I just sort of existed in scolded people here and there, so how lucky are you nonetheless? And isn't aquavirus such a wonderful flavor? Is it not a wonderful flavor? Does it not have such a wonderful flavor, the aquavirus? Hello producers? "I would love to keep recording this, but I must insist that there be giant objects placed between us, so that I only have to look at half of your face while I speak." "No, why were you late for breakfast?" "Juliet." "Yeah, it's been really fun, because like, I got mad on my birthday, and like, whatever, but now I have a blog. Layers. You heard it, you heard it here first. Am I right? Layers." Annabelle. "Angry me. First in a long series of me's. I'm really happy." There's like a sad organ playing in the background. "Totally deadpan." And then the very last shot of the entire season, everybody, was everybody in the hot tab, and then Sophie like jumps out with that. "Yeah!" Like a drunk Olympian on the cover of a Wheaties box. "She's one." "Yes!" Well, in her mind, she just did a pole vault. "She's like, "Look at me." "I did it. God better." "Ladies of London." "We'll all up, yeah. I really hope this show comes back. The rumors are not good. But, uh, please come back. I love this show. I love the ladies on this show." "And, Ben, you know what else I love?" "What do you love?" "You guys, we've told you about our sponsor Next Issue and how it's the best way to read all of your favorite magazines any time, anyway. Haven't we told you?" "Well, next issue's new name is Texture, and it has spectacular new features that make it the best reading experience around." "That is absolutely true. You know what? There are, like, you can get an all-access past the world's best magazines. Yeah, it's available on your phone or tablet, and there are stories recommended daily by the Texture editorial team. How about that? "Yes!" Texture is offering our listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. Think about that. You'll gain unrestricted access to the world's best magazines. From back issues to the one on newsstands today, try Texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. "Yay!" "What a little texture we love you!" "Yeah, Texture is super cool. Um, and, uh, I was just on it this week. I forgot. Well, I forgot what I was looking up. I was on, I was on there trying to, oh, I was, I went on to GQ via texture, via my phone, via the toilet, uh, to find out some new fashions for, for, for life. And, uh, I think they were trying to push some sort of corduroy thing. They had, it was like Tom Hiddleston in corduroy suits, and I was like, "That's really cool. I am not going to do that." "Oh, I can't do that. I got thighs." "Those corduroys would be, like, whistling down the hallway. Been there, done that, whistled in many a whole way. No thank you." "That's wrong. That's right. And they also had some, like, advice, uh, for people asked for, like, "I do this. Should I do that?" And they were like, "No." "Like what? I do what? Should I do it?" "I don't remember now. I could need from GQ. I can pull it up right now. I can pull it up right now. Let's get out of here with your extra live advice." I don't know. They, they were, they had some, you know, it was something. I look at GQ and I'm like, "Look at all of these things that I could never, will never be." It's like kind of going to a zoo. Like, I open it and it's like these beautiful men in tailored suits with clean faces. And even when they have beards, they're like trimmed and they're so handsome. And then they're like, "Hey, what's the common answer for this common man problem?" And they're like, "Be confident and gorgeous." I'm like, "Well, great fucking advice, you confident gorgeous person. What do I do?" "Yeah." "Jokes at GQ." "Okay, we're eating you all my texture. Texture." Oh, and by the way, uh, the, um, it was not a corduroy suit. It was a chalk suit, a chalk suit, whatever that is. So here's the, the question. "My coworker insists on tying his tie with the double Windsor knot. I told him it looks dated. What do you say?" And GQ says, "I'm on your side." And at the risk of starting a war with the sartorial old schoolers, I'll add the double Windsor knot, which is twice the size of the tried and true fore in hand, has never looked good. Whoa, ties are meant to visually elongate your torso, giving you that standing tall look, a bloated wide of silk just under your chin. It is not flatter. "Who the hell cares about a double Windsor tie?" "Okay, here's what you can tell me, GQ. How come when I buy new jogging pants or jogging shorts, the crotch is like dropped, like a clown, like clown pants?" "Yeah, it's a new look." And the ankles have elastic around. I look like a crazy person, okay? "That's the new, that's like the look now. It's like these crazy saggy, like, they're almost like, um, herm pants." "Yeah, they're like skinny jean and the calves, but then they become those pajama, like onesie pajama bottoms on the bottom." "It's like you shat your pants, yeah. It's like the look now." "Yes, it's like anti-ball support. And what is with the anti-ball support movement? All right, GQ, get on that." "I'll be reading you one texture." "No." "So anyway, thanks, texture." "Yeah, thanks, texture." "All right, let's move on from lads of luns. Hope you come back." "It makes you lots." "Yep, probably won't, because if it's a show, that's not a house I've shown, we love it. It's usually cancelled." "All right, well, let's see, what's next." "Except for this one, below deck." "Oh my goodness, we've been doing that stupid below deck laugh. I mean, that leah black laugh for a while now, I don't know." "I thought that was an andriel laugh." "Oh, for me, it's leah." "Well, leah, leah, it's real high. To me, leah's." "Oh, yes." "And Andrea from..." "See, I can't do it." "You can't." "I'm like, Andrea from Real House is a Melbourne. She doesn't even do this laugh. We just made it, it's like our joke." "She always had the worst jokes. She always say, 'You know what I call a bit in the water? That's really expensive and very large.'" "Oh, you're a terrible woman. You know how I know?" "Kiss you were a terrible woman." "I'm looking for my below deck notes." "I've got some. You want me to start us off?" "Yes, please. I'm going through a note search." "So, um, the episode begins with Roxy washing ramekins." "Roxy." "Don't make her Roxy because you're making her Chicago and I love Roxy and Ranky." "I don't know why I wrote down Roxy. I don't know why I wrote down Roxy. I don't know why I wrote down Roxy." "It would be amazing if Roxy was played by Anne Ranky, a real musical theater star. She'd be like, "Deck, I'm on the deck." "Spirit fingers." "Ah, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh." Anne Ranky once sang at the Oscars and it was quite the interesting performance. So, um, so Roxy was washing ramekins and this is a perfect example of what we talked about last week when we had Kate on the show, um, of just these random little details, the editors throwing there that seem to tell so much in just so few seconds. She's washing the ramekins and we get a close up with the ramekin with like suds on it and it's like, "No, you have to rinse that shit off. You can't just put soap on it and then just like put it to the side to be like it's washed. You gotta rinse that shit off, Roxy." It drove me nuts. The OCD in me was going crazy. "It's called Don Gomoly, Ben." I was like, "He's supposed to do that." Like, "So your stomach will never feel like it was his cleaned." So, um, so Roxy is going crazy because, and, and justifiably so because she had been hooking up with Eddie and then Eddie was then decided that he didn't like her anymore and then just turned into an asshole, you know? So, she is feeling like shit and so she then decides she's going to come by to a meal about this because she hasn't told anyone. So, she pulls a meal at the side. She's like, "You've been so awesome to me." You know, like, when he told her, "I want to fuck you so bad and why won't you let me fuck you and do you want to fuck now or how about we fuck now?" Yeah, she's like, "I really knew you were my friend when you like offered to put your entire fist at me and then make me scream cuss words." Yeah, they're all thank you. So, oh, it's right, that's how we learned to do it. That's how to charm a lady. So, do you want to? Like, no, I'm still not, but anyway, uh, listen to my bullshit anyway because no one else will talk to me. And he's like, "All right then, my lady." It's for me, Phil. Yeah. And so then she's like, "Yeah, Eddie and I are basically boinking." And he's like, "That is hilarious. That is so funny." Now, excuse me while I dive into this ocean and cry. Poor meal. Well, that's wonderful. That's hilarious. I can't believe that was going on. So, he must have had some really good talk in there. What are you threatening to do? Sit on your face, huh? You keep it all? Yeah, it's probably what he did. That's wonderful. Where? What good news? Tell me more. And then he actually said, he actually said, "I'm annoyed that he got in and not me." And then they both left and were like, and you can just imagine he's like, does that total laughter cry thing? Poor meal. And he tells us, "That's not the girl I thought she was. I put some effort in her. Really? You did? What was the effort that you put in her? Where was that part?" Where was that episode? I thought it was a sweater for her. Yeah, one talk. I put a sweater around my shoulders. I wore the same shirt three nights and I didn't know any at once. It's in my face. Empty a sheet. She betrayed me. And then he's like spilling beer on himself. More guy. The one that got away. The mermaid that got away. I feel for you, darling. I'm like, pet you on the head. Ben, you're like, I just wait for it to pass. It's like an ambulance in the street. No, I got distracted. I got distracted by an email notification. My friend is, she's having a housewarming on the same night that I want to have my birthday party. And my birthday party happens. The time you have mine is because it's my birthday. And the time you have hers is... It's just like her random day. No, but I think it actually works out because I want to do my birthday as a happy hour and I think she wants to do hers at night. So it'll work out. But it's one of those things where it's like, you know, it's annoying. No, you can't do my crazy party to a housewarming party. Oh my god. And hers is in like a park or something like that. I don't know. I mean, whatever. We'll figure it out. Write her back a house-wise response. Say, I will not be coming to your used home on my birthday because my birthday is a holiday and all the streets in your neighborhood will be closed anyway because of all of me. Well, it's also, it's also like her hot husband's birthday is like three days later. Oh, that's different. All right. Yeah. The hot one. Do it for the hot one. Hot Chris. Hot Chris. And we like Leah. So anyway, so then we cut to Ben and Kate flirting in the galley, as usual, doing their flirtatious thing. And then he cut to poor Amy and she like opens the door. She's like, it's too hot in here. Oh, it's so hot. Let me unbutton the, let me unbutton. Look how hot it is. Look at my bosom. Anyone? Hey, starfish. Isn't it hot out here starfish? Look at me. I better get out of this kitchen because I'm, you know, I'm in danger of just haven haven until I die. I need some water. I wish I could drink salt water. Why would God fill an entire sea with water? You can't drink anybody. Whoa. Hey, if it's too hot, if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen and into the into the water with starfish and conch. If you can't handle the heat, the kitchen's probably on fire and something's burning in there. Somebody better get down there, guys. If you can't handle the heat, mate, you may have a favor. Do you want to get some time? If you can't handle the heat, I'll handle it for you. I'll stand in front of the heat. How my back is burning? Are you happy though? It feels like warm water. If you can't handle the heat, would you like a piña colada? It's a band. I'll go in the kitchen and kick you whatever you want, starfish. Starfish is getting too hot global warming raising the sea temperatures. If you can't handle the heat, don't you worry. I'll find a touch tank for you starfish. The flirting is hilarious because it's been in Kate. Kate is like, "Hey there, who would be cooking something in the microwave whatever?" She's like, "Yeah, because like you're cooking stuff." He's like, "Kate, Kate, what are you doing in the microwave? Kate, are you putting something in the microwave, Kate? Oh, you are." Yeah, because like you put a timer on it and you can rely on a microwave like a microwave and they're like, "Oh, romantic." I was like, "I need to find a twist tire for the garbage sack. Excuse me, Kate." Yeah, good luck keeping that from leaking all over the floor and then making somebody else clean it up. Maybe I want to do that, Kate. You have a thing about that, Kate. Oh my God, I'm getting the vipers. Oh, so much twist tire flirtation. I'm like a flower, thread some water on me, and I will grow. Hey, do you hear a noise coming from the door? No, I don't. Maybe either. Good. No, I never hear of me. Am I invisible? I think at the end of below deck, we're going to find out that Amy's been dead the whole time. Where's Whoopi Goldberg? I need to talk to people. Whoopi Goldberg in the sixth sense. That little boy sure sure sure sure is on me. I got to do some pottery. Tony Goldwood, look out for Tony Goldwood, y'all. Amy, you're a danger girl. Oh, no, what kind of danger? I love danger. Is he handsome? What are his hobbies? Just that curiosity, not that I care. I mean, I don't need danger. Who's danger? I want him to have a starfish. You got to get out of Tony Goldwood's touch tank starfish. You're in danger. Don't do pottery. It's real special because he got five hands. So it's like a lot of special rings on that pottery. Oh, so we go from one awkward flirting to awkward non-flirting to Rocky freaking out that she doesn't have any friends. She's acting like this has just happened and she doesn't understand why she's supposed to work ever. Why does she work? She's like, why? They're meaning to me. Like, I had to like do things. Like, it was hard. They don't understand me. Like, I'm living my passion. I'm living my passion right now. You know what I mean? Amy's like, oh, well, my passion is patting people on the arm and looking at them with compassion. So I am living my compassion passion. It feels good. Jump in the pool. We can see it. Meanwhile, Eddie, this episode, they really are making Eddie out to look like a dick and he is a dick. Oh, my gosh. So is Eddie. He is making himself look out and look like a dick, too. Exactly. He is on a power trip and like a meal is toiling at something because, you know, I love when a meal toils at something because he gets all serious and hoppy. He's like, oh, god, I'm gonna get this pin out. And Eddie's like, careful. Take the pin out. You got to put it back in. And it's like, oh, shut up, Eddie. Like, there's just that way of micromanaging that's so condescending. I remember I had a boss back when I was 18. It was a summer job. And there was a, I had a boss. I wasn't working in like a ticket office. And the boss's name was Noah. And he was so cool. At first, I was like, oh, my god, Noah is so cool. And he's like, so charismatic. And everything is like, oh, my god, everyone wants to be friends with Noah. And then I started to be afraid of being. Yeah. And at first, I thought he was like, so cool and awesome. And then I started to realize he was just an asshole. And he was like, so condescending and so awful that then it got to be, I could not bear to see the side of him. And I'm like, that's what Eddie is. He's like, friendly and cool. Like, hey, bro, hey, what's going on, bro? Yeah, let's, you know, deck hands. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. And then by the end of the charter season, you're like, oh, everything he says is so cocky. When he goes, careful, take the pin out, you gotta put it back in. It's like, yeah, I think Emile knows that he's, he's working hard on it. You're ready to get up from the table there, buddy. Well, I hope you're prepared to get out there and squeegee that deck until there is not a dot on it. Then you can get up. How's that feel, bro? Yeah, you're a girl. You were a totally the topic guy to wear his like Guy Fieri sunglasses on the back of his head. Yeah, get out of here. I'm not listening to you. Get out of here. So then we learned that there's some new primaries coming on. And this guy Vito, who's a self made millionaire. He's a self made millionaire. That's the most terrifying words I've ever heard in my life. Aside from socks mandatory. You know, these guys going at Merriman out of their own money, he's going to come on here and thinking out everything. You didn't make this boat. I'll tell you that rules made this boat. This boat can't be bought and sold. Well, I mean, it can't. It's not our business rules. Well, it is sort of our business. But, you know, and so this guy Vito is bringing quote unquote hot industry girlfriends, which is interesting. And then we see so Rocky and then we have, I believe the next thing we see is Rocky and Eddie eating cereal like face to face. And it's super, super awkward. And Rocky is doing that thing where she is being passive aggressive. And so they're talking about like the end of the charter season. And I was like, yeah, I'm super excited to get back to reality. I can't wait to get back. And she's like, it's that bad, huh? I was like, God, it's been really bad for you, right? Like, get some hot girl and you make her think you guys have something going on. And you just like, dump her and like, don't stand up for her and like, make fun of her and like, run her life. Like, understand like what's in her blood and like, you don't understand her spirit. And then you just like, you're like gross spirit. Like, okay, then. So is that what you're saying? He's like, OK, you're crazy. And my penis is no longer hard. So I'm going to back out of the room now. All right. Yeah, great. I was going to take this cat and crunch over to Captain Lee. So but then, but this is actually where Eddie really, really lost me, perhaps permanently, was that then he goes, she came in and seduced me. Oh, yeah, I'm like, whoa, I had a girlfriend. She came in the seduced me. She's the one. This was some old school madman shit right here. And he just turned Rocky into Joan, which I really resent because I love Joan. Yeah, he's delusional. And then I mean, it's like the Countess Luan thing where they know they're on TV. So, but it's like this chauvinist bullshit, like it that like, it actually made maybe not only feel bad for Rocky, it made me feel bad for all the women, the 1000, 1000s of women who have dealt with this very same situation where there was a spark, they hooked up, and then all of a sudden, she is now cast as a seductress, the evil seductress who who lured him away from his wholesome girlfriend. It's like, no, actually, she was the naive, crazy one, which everyone saw from miles away. And you saw it and you were in the relationship, the dysfunctional relationship with the girl already cheated on you. And yet you still stayed in the relationship willingly. And then you went and had sex with Rocky, partially because you were horny, partially because you probably wanted to get revenge on your girlfriend, but 100% because it was on you. It was your decision. You were the one who initiated the text. And you were the senior on this boat. You were the wiser one. You were the smarter one. And you went and you had fun with Rocky, and you should just own it. And yes, she is crazy. We're not going to take that away from you. But you probably should have said, you know what, this probably can't go on. I'm sorry. Let's just go back to being normal. But yeah, I mean, he was very keen when she was crazy and he did it anyway because he wanted to get laid and have a revenge book. I think you're totally right. Yeah. And if he had actually owned up to that, that would have been fine. But for the fact that and it's even fine for him to say, you know what, I just realized that she's crazy. That's fine too. But then for him to then just stop, like, start being an asshole and cold and then blame her for it all is totally fucked up. And it's totally within his personality, too. Like, if you look at it, that's what his personality is. He's always arrogant. He's like, blah, blah, blah, and everybody rules this, that he's always holding everything against everybody. And then his whole relationship is fighting about still being hurt, bitch, or whatever with his girlfriend. And then he's like just using some girl and then slut shaming her after and like being classic douchebag move, you know. But now on the other side of that, it kind of shows that we have a little woman in us to have this because the other side of it is you're fucking a guy you know for a fact he has a girlfriend. And Rocky, Rocky says, well, I mean, it's not my responsibility to know for like all I know, like it's all good. So it is though. I mean, if you know someone has a girlfriend, he's talking about her, he's on the phone with her every night, you know that you're fucking someone's boyfriend, and you can do whatever you want. But don't pretend that you didn't know he was a guy. Okay, yes. Yeah, no, she should not be playing naive. But and it's, you know, in those situations, it's really not like the quote unquote right thing to do. But ultimately, it's on Eddie, and it's not on Rocky. Well, it's on both of them. She's disgusting too, but I don't blame her for having her feelings hurt. Well, we don't know what I was supposed to some as boyfriend. So whatever. But if Eddie tells her, yeah, we're on a break or we're broken up. I mean, that's, you know, either way, okay, so she does, she does bear some responsibility. But I think it's, I think it's, you know, she does, you know, she does because she's lying now. She's like, oh, wait, it's like that, like later in the episode, she's talking to the other girls and or somebody and she's like, yeah, it's almost like the way he's treating me now, it's like he has a girl, like he has someone. And they're like, yes, dumbass, you know, he has a girlfriend. She's trying to pretend that she never knew. Yeah, so she's lying. Yeah, but I forgot I was gonna say something about Eddie being a chauvinist or whatever. I don't know, anything under that category, I would agree with for sure. He's a pig. Yeah, but the thing is that he had it so easy. I mean, he, all he had to do is handle it slightly, literally. He literally had it easy. Yeah, he had it easy. But if he just handle it differently, he would have come out smelling like Rose is like still the virtuous one. And Rocky would have been the total crazy psycho bitch. She still is that to some degree, but she's like a sympathetic crazy psycho bitch now. Yeah, but leave it up to Rocky to take a little sympathy and completely waste it within five seconds, you know? Yeah, well, he's the most obnoxious little brat in the world. And you're like, Oh, good. Well, it's funny that she seems to have this soldier in a meal. I mean, if this were like a film noir, a meal is the guy who then goes and kills Eddie. And, you know, at the hands of you know, only two, you know, I did it for you. And then Rocky's like, nah, I'm not interested. But to like, she's like, stop calling me. And he's like, to, to, to, to, to follow his ubers following her uber. Yeah, because because now Emile has now taken up the cause and he's mad at Eddie. And they're all sitting there eating a meal and you alluded to this before and Eddie's say Eddie says something to Emile like you look tired and Emile's like, I'm not told at all. Jesus. And he just like walks up and gets out of there. You tell them, Emile, that's what I like. I like when people like Emile get really super angry. And they're like, oh, I'm going to say something. It's like, I dare you. I dare you to put the words together to make a sentence. Yes, actually, ever say anything. It's like, good morning. Yeah, good morning. It's right. It's a good morning, isn't it? Good morning. What do you want to say? Every day is a good morning. Isn't every day a good morning? So what are you trying to say today? Huh? How about you keep a stupid observation to yourself? Wow, look at that sunset. You called that one, didn't you? Morning. Good job, Eddie. You're really, you're a great boss. And you see the sun. Congratulations. You've got to always. So, but Emile, I don't like how he's, you know, bossy and like, it exists. Things like do this and then, you know, Eddie, like good sentence. This is great. Just keep the camera rolling, darling. Now, Emile has his own issues with women because he really, he's been out a lot. He's said some really bad things to Rocky, in my book, considering they're coworkers. And then he gets mad at Connie because he's still in his mood. And he's, and she calls him a little bitch. And he goes, why don't you do your fucking job, you whore? I can't believe you said, I mean, that could have, should have gotten him fired, actually. Well, he's like, throwing furniture around the deck. Yeah. She said, yeah, I can, what she say? Yeah, I can see why Rocky gave up on Rocky. Yeah. I can see why Rocky gave up on you because you're fucking pussy. Something. Yeah. Yeah. We'll have it. You go sit on the shock's face. You don't flag. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. He's like, he's murdered. I hope you get murdered and all your children don't like have it. That's like, whoa, he's lucky that Connie is a, you know, just a go wrestle crocodiles and enjoy a beer sort of girl because I think most women would have like back where I come from, they say, pick your alligator, you know? Yeah, she's like, yeah. So then I think, oh, so now there's more Rocky. Rocky, Rocky is crying and sad. And she's like, I love this because the editors assemble this like montage of the way we were. It's like, it's like memories of the washroom. And then, and then she's like, wistfully reminiscing on, on this, this passionate love affair. And then the washer stops its cycle. I was like, oh, it has come to its end much like the permanent press cycle on the dryer. And now it's time for the rinse. And then it's really bad. Maybe this is what you were alluding to before, because Amy comes to console Rocky, because Rocky is like really losing it. And Rocky is like, like, I'm crazy. I'm just like crazy, I guess. And Amy's like, yeah, I kind of figured that out when you jumped off the boat and you're underwear, bless your heart. Wow, what's bad when Amy is shading you? She was. She had this look like, I will swap you like a fly, which you don't see often. And then Rocky's stupid mascara sobbing is probably like the tenth time she's found today. I'm going crazy. I don't understand what it's like. I have been doing anything I dream of, like I have dreams. You guys don't understand. I have dreams. Amy's like, well, maybe a good crab will let it out. No, it hasn't worked so far, Amy. It hasn't worked so far. Maybe you could have dreams like most people with your eyes closed under a blanket, where you breathe in, be quiet. Dreams are quiet. How about this? Why don't you go down to that storage locker and we'll close the door on top of you and you can cry your eyes all down there. I mean, he doesn't want to cry. I ran a bunch of cans of tomatoes. They've already been cooked. Why don't you go with the non-perishable and let those tears out? You know, there's some yolk in a really thick plastic bag. You know that will last 16 years. Go cry with the gnockeys. So then let's see, Ben. I help you. How can I help you, honey? Okay. Help me. Help you. Help me get out of the situation. Then Ben and Kate are flirting again and I just, my only note was Ben and Colin, he just has like crazy laugh. He's like, okay, Kate. Yeah, Kate, I'm washing in a spare, I guess. You know what that's like, don't you, Kate? Okay. Well, I thought you wanted some fresh produce, Kate. You know about fresh produce. Don't know about it. Don't care about it. So I'm not putting my job. Kate, I'm gonna warm this up and I'm almost here. I had a button on you that I could press it. It would wool me up. You know what I might. So then Vito and his guests, Vito and the guests come in and time for the yacht tour. It's like, oh, here's our early to mid 90s day tour and please enjoy this mirror. That's adorned by two metal branches for no reason. We'd like to call it industrial Enya chic. We'd like to call this the River Phoenix room. He was never on this boat, but you know, it is like a tragic, gaudy death on a horrible street that way too many people are allowed to trample on. So, okay. Meanwhile out on the deck, Emile is still pissy and this time he's pissy to the nice skate porn guy. He goes like, hey, hey, Emile, how's it going? And he's like, well, if I go on two hours of sleep, I'm pretty fucking normal to be in a bad mood. That's what I say. Yeah, you'd be happy if you slept two hours. That's right. I slept two hours. I've only jerked off 13 tones. Something right there. You know what I mean? And what's his name, David? I don't remember. He's like, hey, bro. I know. I just keep writing down gay. I mean, come on, we're terrible. It's our people right there. But I'm like gay. It's like bra because I like when gay guys are trying to get through to straight guys. I totally do this all the time, where I just start talking straight, bro. I'm like, hey, man, I totally, I totally feel where you're coming from, you know, right on. You're really starting with them. That's what he was doing. He's like, bro, since that you're like off or something, he's like, you need to be off to if you didn't sleep. Hey, I've got my hands still grabbing on to something in the end, just whacking it hard. There's no one to stick my fingers in. You know what I mean? He's like, actually, bro, more than you know. More than you know. More than you know. So then the guests, the guests then assemble around the table and they're like, they're having like a faux argument. It's clearly like they've just gone on the boat and they're trying to be funny, like, oh, we're going to be the hilarious because they asked back over and over again. So we're going to say a lot of funny, stupid things. It's just really annoying. But you know, it's again, really bad because an Amy's like, oh, she's like, oh, feels sort of like amateur hour out there. Oh, that's bad. That is bad. She's like, you know, that right there is the kind of man you just want to fix, don't you? Come over here, honey. I liked it. I liked it. One. Oh, sorry. No, no, go ahead. Go ahead. I want to hear yours. No, my next no. I don't remember like how far along this was. But at one point, everyone was like doing something down on the deck. Everyone was like having fun. And then you just see Amy on like a balcony area. And she's like, I wish I had some water balloons. That would be kind of fun right here. And she's like alone. Yeah, it's like, who are you going to play with water balloons? I had made some water balloons for this moment, but they, I came back and they had emptied themselves. So anyone want to play water balloons, octopus, you want to throw a water balloon around? Anyone? Anyone? Let's play. What am I thinking? Anybody? These guests were basically a young albundee. Yeah. And an old turtle from entourage. Yeah. He's two guys who were basically hanging out at like the South Street scene board, whatever. And one of them just like, what does he do? We like wins the lottery? I don't know. Self made millionaire. Yeah, he's a self. Scary self made. He's made a ton of money. And he's basically gone into a bar and been like, Hey, it's happy hour. Who wants to go on a cruise on the bribes? And they're like, we do. And so he brings these random people from the fucking, I don't know, waiting area out from the chili stunning. Yeah. And from the web, big real restaurant down there in Chicago. And what's funny to me is that, you know, Vito pulls aside band. He's like, he's like, Oh, right. He's like, I want to have an amazing steak dinner. Okay, he's like, I want to have, you know, and by I'm doing a terrible Chicago accent, I realize I'm actually doing a New Yorker. It doesn't matter. But he's like, I want a steak dinner. And I want like, I want like a twice baked potato and I want you to blow my mind. I'm like, why did you come all the way down from Chicago, the land of steak and twice baked potato? Why'd you come all the Caribbean just to get the same thing? Like, why would you do that? You know, it's like me being like, I'm going to fly to Turkey and demand that they make me an amazing taco. Yeah. Or when you make a few thousand dollars and you're like, I'm going to get new seat covers in my 10 year old car. It's like, no, go get a car. Yeah, you're out of yah, save it. I mean, I understand wanting a steak. That's fine. I don't know. But it just seemed like he wanted a real truly a steak and potato dinner. I'm like, why don't you try out, but he makes no sense without a peg. And you are never going to find a peg when your best friend is turtle. Yeah, because turtle just roots him on. He's not helping him. He's like, Barney Rubble. He does not help. He's never like, Fred, he's a good idea, Fred. Maybe this will solve everything, right? If you just do this, he's always like, go ahead, Fred, great idea. I'm with you. Like, no matter what it is, you know, and shit always ends up terrible. I mean, while turtle's like, yeah, you guys know how to make an awesome blossom. Oh, dude, we're going to pig out tonight. Yeah. So then afterwards, so Ben and Ben and Kate are like sitting at a table. And Ben is kind of standing up for Rocky a little bit. He's like, well, she's like, she was like miserable and dragging around in case like she does that all the time. I do not enter my arena about this. I don't talk to you about Kale. You don't talk to me about Rocky. He's like, next topic. And then she just goes up, Ben's like, look, maybe you can get. Well, I had a talk with her out of the deck, you know, after I called her a stupid idiot, told her that, you know, her mother sort of thought twice before she let it all loose onto the world. Then I thought, what an ice girl. And I hope you can do the same. Kate's like, did she tell you how we did all her work? How we earned her $30,000? Did she tell you about that? Did she tell you how she does nothing but cry and and jump around off the boat and mermaid tails? Did she tell you that? No, I don't think she did. Because you know why? Because she's an idiot. That's why. Oh, you're just gonna be a fucking bitch. Okay. That's what you gotta do. That's an answer. I don't think caring about my job is being a fucking bitch, actually. Yeah, I love what she does. I love when she goes. Well, actually, it's part of my job. And so, I don't think that doing my job is being a bitch. I think it's just me trying to make sure that all the work is being done properly. And when it's not being done properly, I think it's annoying. So yes. Okay, why don't you yell at the Swiffer for getting dust balls all over it? Okay, are you gonna yell at the Swiffer or are you gonna say, you know, fuck those dust balls and thank you, Swiffer, for doing something about them? Are you? Oh, and also, guess what, the Swiffer just handed those dust balls $13,000 on their way into the bin. So not feeling so bad for the dust balls right now, are you? We love your cage. There's a possibility to stick your penis. One of those dust balls one day. It's important to not leave without feelings. Like said, oh, don't know, fuck them later. You know what I'm saying, Kate? Oh, I'm saying is that she's an innovator in the genre of grenadine and oysters. And I think that you should be nicer to her because she'll someday she'll be on top chef. That's all Kate. Kate, I'm not calling you a bitch. I'm just saying, sub girls, you can just tell they like anal. All right, I'm gonna say sorry, Kate. Do it for me. I don't think she likes anything. I think she just doesn't like doing her job. Well, I would would be anal. I'll tell you that much. She could use a little anal. Why don't you check your ramekins and enjoy all that self residue, huh? So then, then Eddie is face-tumbing with his girlfriend. And now it's, so this, this also really annoying confession time. Sorry, his girlfriend's real. So this is what I didn't like about it. So the girlfriend's like has Rocky had any more freakouts. And I'm like, you know what I don't like about this? Of course, Rocky's had freakouts. But the implication is that like he's been talking to the girlfriend about Rocky and be like, oh my God, she's so crazy. She's such a crazy thing. Like I can't believe I stopped with her. She's so crazy. And she is almost like the way she said it. And maybe I'm being crazy here. But there was that vibe of like, I am with you on this Eddie. She is crazy. And you could tell is this. She's totally the type that like blames Rocky and doesn't blame Eddie for such a shit. Oh, you think that he told her? I don't think he told her. I know he did. It was a few episodes ago. Well, he did. A few episodes ago, he was like, yeah, baby, I messed up too. Didn't you? I could be wrong. I don't remember that. But I mean, that's wrong. I don't remember yesterday. So either way, yeah, I could be wrong. I could have misinterpreted something. I don't think he did because he's still full out lying and being like, well, she came on to me even though we've seen them text and he's like, whatever, she's being he's obviously lying. Like, I don't know if he doesn't know that the cameras were on or they won't show it. I don't know what he's thinking, but he's gotten huge lies. And I would assume that he wouldn't have told her. I mean, a couple that loves to fight, they would still be fighting. She wouldn't have let it go this fast. Yeah, I'm at. Yeah. He's just complained that she's crazy. And she's saying, Oh, this crazy bitch still being dramatic because she follows me on Instagram. Did you hear me? She follows me on Instagram. He's like, oh, he's like, I'm going to rest my, I'm going to rest my chin on my double chin on my chest. And I'm just going to sit here and I'm going to stare down at my knees for a minute. Are you still there? Well, I could, okay, so if if my theory were to be true, if she did know about it, I could see her being over it quickly. And the reason why is that fucked up mentality? Yeah, she tried to take him, but like, he came back to me. Like, it's like a weird compliment to her that she won out over the seductress. You know, like there's some people who have this fucked up mentality. So that's, of course, I know I'm reading into everything, but that's what we do. We're podcasters. And that's what I like to do. Oh, yeah, of course. Like, she follows me on Instagram. So I had to follow her back. Yeah. And I'm winning. Yeah, that's what she did. Like, she's already posted two pictures of Instagram, like trying to look, what did she say? She's like, she's trying to look like mysterious or something and looks like two selfies already today. I want to look on her Instagram. I'm sure she has five selfies. She's like, she can't even get up to five selfies. No, but the thing is that, like, you can't, I'm sorry. What Rocky is doing is totally crazy. Very, very crazy. Glenn Closie. But you followed her back, bitch. So what do you think you're doing? Well, yeah, it's like, it's a bitchy follow. Yeah, bitch. God, I follow tons of people I hate. Well, I usually don't do a bitchy follow, but what happens is there comes a time when I stop liking their Instagram, but I, I wait for them to unfollow me before I unfollow them. So I have the moral high ground. Oh, I try not to unfollow because people have those apps now that are like, Ronnie has unfollowed you. That's why I'm saying that's why we, that's why I wait for them to unfollow me. People get so upset. I was cleaning out my Twitter. That's how I found this out. I was claiming it up. I'm like, I don't want to be reading tweets from Kirstie Allie's fucking personal assistant from 70 years ago. What is this? And I cleaned them out and people were like, what have I done to you? I thought we were friends that we were real friends. Real Twitter friends. I mean, sometimes I mean, if you get unfollowed, if it's, if I get unfollowed by someone who I am like actually friends with, it's, it does sting a little bit. I just didn't know back then. Yeah, I do. Never do it. You'll hurt someone's feelings and they'll stalk you. Yeah, be like rocky, rocky on your ass. Why did you unfollow me? All right. So where are we in this crazy show? Okay. So now Ben is making dinner. Oh, so after all my steak and potato rants, his steak and potatoes looked so fucking good. Oh my god, those twice baked potatoes. I was like, give it to me now. And then he's saying that they called them double baked. Is that the fancy way to say it? They're like, do you know what a double baked potato is? And he's like, yeah, I think say it's what they call a twice baked in most places. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So it was funny because he was Ben's like, you know, one of the joys of cooking on a yacht is allowed to be creative and do whatever you want and really push yourself. And so you can tell Lee on someone was like, what? What are you talking about? Let's bring on the beef cheeks. For example, it looks like I'm making a steak right now, but I'm actually sprinkling a double dump. So then at dinner, Vito is wasted. The girls keeps on calling Kate Amy, which is a surefire way to get a rocket ship towel on your bed real quickly. And also he's such an asshole. And all the girls, it was funny because the girls are just sitting there. They don't want the steak. They have like three bites, of course. You look at all these beautiful steaks going on, I'm eating, which was killing me because I was so hungry when I was eating it. And I'm so hungry now as we talk about it, they hate Vito. They hate Vito so much that when Captain Lee comes by, they're like, Oh my God, will you come to dinner tomorrow? Please come to dinner. Please, please. Oh God. Well, Vito is the worst. He was like a meal. You know, he was like the Jersey a meal or whatever. He's like, Hey girls, you ever heard the one about the slut in the bar? Yep. God bought a boat for him and they ended up coming. It's like, whoa, buddy. Bad jokes, bad jokes. Yeah, he's awful. Those girls so gross and was like trying to bone the girls. And they were like, Whoa, we just met in the Applebee's waiting area. There's no way we're fucking you right now on care. He's like, Hey, girl, we thought solo was in my room and whatever happens up there. Like, um, no. So, uh, so then, so one thing that happens after this dinner, after they're all grossed out and they leave all their leftover, beautiful leftover food, and they all escape ugly Vito and his awfulness. So a meal had suggested to Rocky. I think it was a meal. Like, Hey, you know, with this stuff with Eddie, you should talk to him. Just clear the air, talk to him. So Rocky is like, Hey, can I talk to you? And Eddie is like, forget what he said. There's, I don't want to talk or there's nothing to talk about or why, what, what's there to talk? He's, he bases like no, which is also, again, really dick. And so, but of course it sends Rocky into another crying fit. And there she is, like on the couch with a guest that are downstairs. You come up at any moment. Mascara ever everywhere. Look, I mean, she's just such a terrible crier and she's like, I'm tired. I'm like tired. I'm tired. I'm just, I'm tired. I want to understand me. He's like, okay, okay, we can talk if you clean something at the same time. She's like, No, you're not in my feelings. All right, then I can talk. No. All right. Well, all right. This isn't going to stay dirty. I'll tell you that much. The best way to prove to people that you're not crazy is to have Mascara streaming down all sides of your face with tears and big frizzy hair and most popular comment of the people that were just commenting over and over on this on Facebook were bitch and you at the sea, you're jumping in the water all the time and you don't have waterproof Mascara. Get out of here. She's purposely wearing, she's like, I bet water color is on my eyes. You guys could really see how hard I'm crying. She's like, I don't know. Maybe I'm born with it. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's crazy. And he told me I was easy and I was hoping he would say I was breezy, beautiful and comfortable too. So then like I never said that. She was the one he was coming onto me. Yeah, may I state. So then the next the next day, um, Emil apologized to Connie, which for some reason as much as as offensive as what it was Emil said when he apologizes, he's done it like once or twice before he's actually so adorable when he apologizes. He's like a little kid who like stands up straight and sort of has like a little stripped in his head. He goes, I just want to say I'm really sorry about what I said. It was totally inappropriate. And I think you're a wonderful person. I should never have called you a whore. And I really, really, really apologize. I will take whatever punishment you give me mother. And you're like, Oh, I'm you all. Oh, me. Oh, get out there. It's all right. And try and keep that whole calling people whores thing inside next time. It's like some weird disorder where he screams really misogynistic things. Yeah. It's the weirdest disorder I've ever seen, but he's done a multiple times where he's just like, yeah, pussy. That's a whoa, whoa dirty man. And then captain, they kept in Lee and Eddie who were there when after Emil leaves, they're like, well, what was that all about? And kind of like, oh, yeah, he called me a whore. And then Eddie's like, really? I'm like, shut up, Eddie. You've done way, you've done things that are way more misogynistic misogynist, misogynist, whatever. You didn't treat her like a whore, at least. My God, at least he didn't stick his wiener in there. And then even refusing to leave a 20 on the washing machine. I mean, for instance, man is. Then there was another editing funny moment because Vida wakes up for breakfast and he's hung over and then he sort of pulls himself away and heads into the bathroom to throw up and then they cut immediately to Ben pouring this bat of green sludge into a pitcher. Yeah, it was perfect. And the ladies, they're all wearing like curdle necks and fucking mom jeans, like everything's covered. They're wearing like burkas for breakfast. We're having please don't touch us. Stay over there. I feel bad last night. It's like he's going to apologize, but he just means he's going to throw up. All right, then go lay down, lock the door. Take all the time you need. Bye. How do the game tonight? It was for me. I miss them. So let's see. Rocky's still crying in bed. And then me while it really goes into bed. This whole episode has been rocky crying at different times at various locations. While everyone else is working full time, she is in bed, literally in bed going, it is like a little toddler just crying everywhere, like a little brat. So she's crying. And then me while a meal is up on the deck, a meal has like his, he has his perfect storm moment, you know, like he's, he's like looking at a monitor, he sees a boat bobbing around, he's like, it's hitting right into the jaws of the monster. So he like runs out, he's like, got to fix the fender, got to fix the fender. And he goes to like do something and he puts a foot on the boat and one foot on the deck and it opens up and he falls into the water. This was like the shot that they've been teasing all season long, like, Oh my God, little girl falls into well. It's just a meal falling over and they don't even tease it in the episode. They don't even say coming up a meal falls over. It was just like, Oh, he fell out. This is it. It just happened. And then it starts breathing in the gravity when they like they're hit by all that space junk and they're just floating and they're going to die and you just hear. Like they have that sound moment for some reason. You just hear him going like, go back up on the boat. Okay, go around the boat. It's like, whoa, they should make a movie out of this. Yeah, he literally just like drops in and gets out. And then he's like, he blames it on being distracted by the love triangle. I'm like, well, it's you were not, he did not fall in the ocean because he was distracted by rocking it. You fell in the ocean because it was choppy. Hmm. He's so dumb. He goes, I don't want to come in between the love triangle. How do you come in between a triangle? Either you're a corner on the triangle or you're not. Dude, it's a triangle. Okay, there's three sides. It's not like I'm talking anything deep here. Come on, Emil, I'm trying to be on your side. Talk words, stunning. It's a love rhombus now. So, listen, I'm not going to be a protractor. I'm going to be a stick, my penis impactor. You know what I'm saying? No, Emil, no one knows. All right. All I know is that you left sperm on the side of that boat that almost crushed you to death. Oh, yeah, it was whole. It was me. They wanted me that but wanted me. I can't take it. Ben and Kate are having a love triangle. Rocky and Eddie have a love triangle that could come together. This could be one big Jewish star of love. So, um, then big news and fucked up breakfasts. The eggs were called and a sausage was like totally overcooked. I hate breakfast. All right, breakfast is the hardest to be. Basically, y'all making eggs different. You're just somewhat slain at that point. All right. Darling, you're a slave all the time. The eggs are the worst. My mom ran a restaurant growing up and man, that breakfast time, cilantro, zenil pesso. That's right. Raise your hands. She had to do the egg line with the cooks and train everybody and they trained her ass because eggs are hard, man. There's like six different ways and they cost like five cents. You know, no one spends any money and you slave away all day. Eggs and chicken. They're like, oh, it's just seems so pedestrian there. The hardest chicken is like the hardest I made some chicken the other day. It's still raw on the inside. I have to cook it again. I've cooked it now three times and still my job. What did you say? You did. I did rock it. I did rock it. And as for eggs, I've actually perfected scrambled eggs. I'm very happy about that. But this morning, I woke up and I was like, I can't have scrambled eggs again. And there's like, I'm sick of making eggs. I want something else. So I went to McDonald's. I got a McGriddle, which admittedly has eggs. Oh, I've got syrup. I found syrup at Ralph's because syrup at Whole Foods is $13. And I was like, whoa, is there a syrup shortage in the world? What's going on? So when I saw some cheap, I didn't even need it, but I bought it. And I'm like, what can I put syrup on? That's the question of the day. Oh, I hope you didn't secretly or surreptitiously. So speaking of, we have an interlude, which is Amy, before we find out how the breakfast gets resolved. Yeah, Amy, Amy can't say things right. She calls ramen noodles, Rayman noodles. She's like, what's that thing with the furniture, Shen swing, to like, fensory, prepare your seatbelts. I live one of those, those kitchen can'ts and our kitchen counters. Oh, yeah. Yes. I like being, I like being real efficient. It's like that expression when you're shooting two things with one gun. Ding dong. The witch is here. Let's say out of the witch. I know the witch is dead. Who killed the witch? That way. She's a person too, y'all. Hey, that's like throwing good money after good money. Waste no want more. You know what I'm saying? That's the way the cookie gets baked. You got time to clean. You got time to hug me. Time flies when time is passing, right? Am I right? Bye Felicia. Come back again. You hear? Hi Felicia. Welcome Felicia. Don't come for me unless I come for me too. Then we can all come. We can all have a party. Oh, when you wish upon a starfish. You know what I'm saying, a starfish. So, so good. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the starfish. Work while you whistle that way. You're not just whistling and not doing anything. Only crazy people do that. Oh, I can't think of any more expression. I know I'm trying to find where we are in notes. I'm like, Amy, please. And it's like a balloon letting out air. So, Amy, get it. Okay, Amy, missing words. Fire, happy, ha, ha, ha, breakfast sucks. Amy, my mother. My mother says fix everything. People may not like breakfast and they may not like each other. But I'm going to tell them what I tell my mama. My mother speaks everything mama. Cheers honey hugs. Hi, prom. Hi, prom. So, so, uh, the guests send back everything. The one girl is like, yeah, I can take cold food, but that's sausage, bro. That's sausage, bro. The sausage, bro. It's disgusting. Oh, you weren't liking, you weren't liking his style of, of culinary expertise. I was like, no, it's disgusting. I wanted to buff it up. I'd rather eat my own arm. Oh, but I'll put that on the comic card for you because my handwriting's real good. And it'll make you look better. Okay, be back. And then meanwhile, so Rocky is crying. Rocky. The sausage links don't understand my pain. So she's crying to a meal. I don't know. I forget what happened here, but a meal basically says to us, rock is my friend and my friends get my protection. Did I say protection? I meant my splooge. Rocky gets my splooge. My friends get my protection. Unfortunately, the ceiling in my cubby doesn't. It's covered in, it covered in future possible could have been babies. So, um, Rocky is doing her thing, which is like, I just need to get to the water. I need to get the water. That'll fix everything. Yeah, like what does water do? It fixes me. It calls me town. It makes me happy. It drowns you, telling swim far, swim far flipper, swim far. So they're doing a beach, one of these beach parties. So they bring all the tables and the chairs and all the food and the drinks out to the beach and everyone's there. And Rocky's like, Rocky's like, well, I need to get the water. And so she says, everyone thinks I'm a horrible unprofessional person. So I might as well put on my mermaid tail and go improve our tip. Like what? What part of putting on mermaid tail matches being professional? Because that's the only thing she's ever done the whole season that everyone was like, could y'all, Rocky? As he came out in her mermaid tail and made those people happy, but they had specifically, it was a joke because they had specifically asked to go on some kind of expedition to see fish. Yeah. And they couldn't see it. So they were like, Oh, you be a mermaid. That'll be cute. But this, there was no joke. There was just, you know, women being imprisoned by young Al Budendy and Barney Rubble on some beach that they couldn't get off of. And then Rocky comes up and they're like, Oh God, that, that weird girl's been crying all day, swimming over here. Like, oh, yeah, what's she doing? And it's just, she's just like flopping around in the surf and like some of the staff comes over to her and like, you're going to do anything, do you need anything? And she's like, and everyone's just like looking at her. What is this? He's like, rolling around, like, Oh, mad on my face. Yeah, right. And my favorite is so Eddie is with Kate and he's like, what the fuck is she doing? And Kate goes, nothing ever. I like at this point, they're not even like, Oh my God, we can't believe she's doing this. She's making it. They're just like, anyway, who wants some margarita? And the thing is, Rocky never even takes the hint. I mean, that just kept going on and everybody's looking at her and they're like, Okay, well, thanks for swinging by Rocky. We'll be cleaning up as is our job. And they start cleaning and she's like, rolling in the bottom, I have some of my face right guys. It's just like parents with like an over theatrical child that they've just grown used to. And they know that they're at this, they've gone to the supermarket. And the kid is like, flying down the aisle, singing show tunes like, Oh, it's just, let's just wait. Let's just, let's get a college will come soon enough. Yeah, it's like a version of that in living color, a steward character. Look what I can do. Hey, look what I can do. Look what I can do. And then he's like, sticks out his stomach. It's like, wow, dead faced or it's like, you're so talented, kid. Yeah, that's what I could do. Or it's like, Horisha Sands and Amy Poehler on SNL. Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick. And she goes running circles around him for the entire skit going, Rick, Rick. She's like, yes. Oh, Rocky. How we can compare Rocky to any old idiot on TV. It's also like, and it never ends. She's the only one who can be compared to Rick, Rick, Rick, and Glenn Close and Fatal Attractions. It's really a talent. And Daryl Hannah, it's like that. It's like that. Jerry Lewis movie where Jerry Lewis gets hit in the face of the pan, you know? Yeah. Just put her in the meeting. It'll work. I feel like she's like King Julius from that. From that cartoon, right? What's like, hold the Madagascar like, Oh, okay. But so then at the end, so she gets into the into the bathroom with Amy. Rocky does the thing that she should have done all along, which is that she should have utilized her greatest tool, gossip, girl talk. So she goes, finds Amy and she's like, yeah, Eddie and I kind of had a thing this entire time. And Amy's like, what? She got Amy in a towel, like in the most vulnerable place ever. It's like, Hey, are you done? Get out of here. Be naked on camera. It was like, someone wants to film with me. Okay. I'll do it. I'll do it. Exactly. I wear the shower curtain if they buy me. Do I look? Would you date me in the shower? I look like Mrs. Roper. All right. Let's do it again. Go back out and then come back in. Excuse me, shower drain. I got to do a real scene now. I'm sorry, but I was just talking to my friend. The sprinkles on my body. So Amy, yeah, she comes to tell Amy Disney is after this rocky version of girl power, which is like totally no power ever and probably never going to have any kind of power ever. She's like, yeah, I'm the kind of girl that like when something's going on like that with Eddie, like I have to like say something like I have to get to the bottom of it. And I'm like, good for her. She's going to go have an intelligent conversation about this. No, she meant she's going to go tell everybody. So funny. Yeah. Yeah. So we were doing it the whole time. Really? Well, another man who cheated on his girlfriend, but not with me. I keep hearing this story, but it's always with a different spelling. Did you hear about Rocky Hermit crab? She got with Eddie. Wow. Amy. Oh, that is terrible. It didn't happen with me. I don't want to hug Eddie for years. Rocky has really managed to get every piece of dick that has like even the ones that she discards and doesn't want. She's always like, Hey, you're mine. I bookmark you. Yeah, I feel bad for Kate because I feel like Kate's going to be stuck with Rocky for another season. You don't think so? You don't think that she's the problem is going to stick the two of them together? I don't think. I don't think so, only because Rocky literally won't work. And on that show, you have to work. I mean, they really work on that show. That was the biggest shock to me. Like if she's going to really not work all day ever, I mean, she's we've only seen her do the laundry when she was in a manic phase for two weeks. And otherwise, she's just like crumbling Oreos onto things and putting Grenadine and Dawn on the oysters. When once she stopped workshopping her laundry musical, that was it for that. Then it was on to the next next project. She never learned how to remote. Maybe never. Yeah, so whatever. She's next week. Rocky has another breakdown. Yep. Well, it's been a it's been a good season and I'm looking forward to the season finale. And it's been a fun fun episode of Watcher Crapins. Oh, it sure is. I'm a goodness ladies of London and this. I'm really going to miss ladies of London. What are we going to talk about next week in this time slot? I pray ski. Well, actually, I mean, we have Appariski. Well, actually, next week. Yes, we have Appariski. Gold gold to me. You know, but listen, in just a few scant weeks, we have Workout New York finally arriving. We had a fake out. Yeah. And then we also have Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and then and then about a month after that. When does Cheshire start? I don't know. But if Cheshire starts this week, let's do that instead of Appariski. I don't know when Cheshire starts, but and then in January is when Potomac starts. So lots lots on the horizon, everyone. We may have got it's going to be Beverly Hills Atlantic and the new Housewives all at the same time, plus Cheshire. That's going to be four and Vanderpump Rules. Oh, man. And I'm sure Top Chef is coming back very shortly. So we have a lot. We have a lot that's that's going on and but for right now, we have some Appariski stuff to to deal with. Oh, buddy. So everyone come everyone hate watch how Appariski with us. We'll have fun. Yeah. So everybody, thank you so much for listening. Our quickies are plays go to patreon.com slash watch what Crapins to subscribe to bonuses. This week's was so fun. And thank you to everybody who does that. Come on to watch what Crapins on Facebook Facebook dot com slash watch Crapins and just come to watch what Crapins dot com to find all the links. Thank you guys for everything that you do for us. Yeah, it's been a super fun week. Alright. Bye everyone. Textures the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere using your phone or tablet. Try texture for free right now when you go to texture.com slash Crapins. If you like watch what Crapins you can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcast. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon music before you go. Tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery dot com slash survey. I'm Lindsey Graham host a Wondery show American scandal. 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