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For Hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium subscribers, Jessica Halford Porter, Christie Doherty and Claudia Catalina. A very special ladies of London episode in an Australian accent. I'm Ronnie Carum from Trash Talk TV and I'm with the gorgeous, talented, and completely American, Ben Mandelker. Hi Ben. Hi there, I'm Soul-American. I'm taking on a Yokelocal accent, local Yokelax, I can't even say it right. I'm just warning anybody listening to this, obviously, because who else would I be talking to? That we're already kind of loopy. It's like an extra episode, it's a Friday. And it's the afternoon, it's almost dark. We're soups loops. We're doing this episode because we spent two hours talking about Below Deck on our previous episode because we had Kate Chastain, who's one of the stars of the show. She was on it, so for the first hour, she answered all her questions, and the second hour, we just recapped the show. And we thought, you know what, let's call it a day, but ladies of London was so good this week, we couldn't just ignore it. Ladies of London is so good, it's so funny and ridiculous, and I've got so many screenshots from it. Yes. It's so good, and if you're new to this podcast, because I think we're getting a bunch of new listeners, thanks to two wonderful ladies. One is Heather McDonald, who had us on Juicy Scoop this week, and we have gotten so much love from her. Also, Molly McElear-Malls, you were on her podcast just this week. I think that also came out yesterday. Please advise. So that was really cool, plus very excited to say that our podcast has reached number three on iTunes for their TV and film podcast, which is-- That's crazy, right? We've never been on that list before. We've been on the episode list, but I don't think we've been on the overall, have we? That was pretty cool. Overall, we're using around 66 or something like that, but right now we have skyrocketed to number three. We are in striking distance of NPR, so watch out, Terry, motherfucking gross. Today we will be talking about ladies, ladies in London. We should have an entire NPR. And then Caroline Stamsbury gets into a car. At the Bedford-Diner in Bedford, New York, life has been going on for 30 years, just same as always. Oh, that works with the train. It does. I was like, it worked. The train station has always been a reliable source of customers for the Bedford-Diner. I'm still going. I'm doing the NPR thing. Let's do it the whole time. I'm down for a ladies of London MPI episode. It's probably the only one Annabelle will listen to. She'll be like, "Oh, grand rock and roll, grand." So we'll get into it right now. Just first are our little house cleaning things. Come over to WatchOutCrapins.com to find all of our links to everywhere. We're getting consolidated and cleaned up over there. So every episode will be findable there. Also come to Facebook.com/WatchOutCrapins because that is where you talk shit all week long with us about these shows that come out. We have live show threads and then these episode threads that you can talk on. So fun over there. We're getting all of our housewise news from there. And you should too. Yeah. And Twitter, et cetera. I find it on WatchOutCrapins.com. And that's it. Yeah. And Patreon. Patreon. Oh, yes. And thank you for everybody at Patreon. Good at patreon.com/WatchOutCrapins to find all the bonus episodes. Those have been so much fun. Yeah. And they're all there. They're new to the podcast once a week. We do a whole other like half an hour to an hour's worth of content that is just for our Patreon subscribers. So if you want to hear that, if you still want to hear our crazy voices, go to Patreon and you'll figure out all the things you can do to me. Yeah. All different levels and stuff. You want to talk about some PBS action, let's say it over there. We've got NPR and PBS going at the same time. Different packages you can do to help poor adults in need in Hollywood. Yeah. Mmm. Oh, man. Well, thank God it's Friday. I was just telling Ronnie before this podcast started. I was working in a coffee shop, which is so LA. And then on top of that, a reality show crew came in and started setting up, which is even more LA. And this podcast almost didn't happen because I almost bailed so I could be in the background for reality show. Which would be so LA. Which would be so LA. With me? To just be like, sorry, can't do my work today because I'm an extra under reality show. So. I was so excited. The camera was the angle. They set up two cameras and a lighting rig and everything because we're going to have two people sit at this table in the Tiago coffee shop. They're going to talk to each other. And one camera was directly facing me. And I was like, this is it, but this is it. And the PA even came over and they're like, we're so sorry, but you're going to be in the shot. Do you mind if we, if we sign a release and everything and I'm like, oh, yeah, sure. And then like, but then they said it wasn't going to start for another hour. And it's like, I got a podcast to do. That would have been funny that you're in the scene. Sir, could you please re eat that piece of bread? We need some consistency in this show. It's good. I haven't showered yet. And you know, my hair is a mess. So, you know, I wasn't camera ready. I wasn't B.E.G. camera ready. I'm sure that it's all going to work out means, you know, that wasn't your Matt Damon and Ben Affleck moment, because they were extras and trust me, my dad reminds me of that all the time. He'll be like, what are you doing with your career? Not much dad made a, made a desk at my couch and he's like, well, you know, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon were extras. And that's how they got started. I was like, yeah, and they wrote that whole movie for themselves while they were extras. Get out of here. It's not because they were extras. Listen, living in LA, everyone's an extra at some point. Everyone has had a gig with an extra on reality show or whatever. I remember in 2005, I believe, I, I decided to be an extra, I mean, I like wrote into a Craigslist. I was like, you want to be in the intro to Monday night football? And I was like, yeah, that seems fun to get paid $100 and I'll get to like, be in that intro because I watch Monday night football and it'll be fun. I'll like, watch the intro and maybe I'll see me. It'll be really cool. And I went and spent a whole day on this set with Hank Williams Jr. and I had to do this ridiculous thing where I was like walking to the camera with my, like, my fingers snapping. Like I was in Greece or something like, yeah, but then I never even made it to the final show. That was my big extra moment. Oh, yeah. We've all had those extra days and, you know, I could never do it. I went and signed up at the central casting place like three times, probably over the past 10 years and I'm so disgusted with humanity by the time I leave. Like nothing will gross you out like being in an entire room of not just actors but like, not actor actors. Yeah. Like they're all doing yoga poses and like deep breathing and going over their non lines. I'm like, look at you buttering nothing. They'll be like doing vocal warmups in the corner. Mama, mama, you're an extra. What do you stop? Calm down over there. Yeah. Everyone wants attention. Everyone wants to be discovered. And it's really off. It's like the most thirsty place in all of LA is going to leave like really pretty models alone who are actually working for a living on sushi tables. And she needs to march on down to the central casting and just say, get a job. Get a job. Your parents are sad. Get a job. Yeah. Love you extras. Love you. Speaking of not extras and adults with a lot of money. Yes. The exact opposite of the whole thing. Let's get into some chick music. Yeah. Waking up. I'm a happy girl. You're a happy girl to let have a happy fond day. That was my impersonation. The ladies of London generic stock music that they play at the top of the show. That was pretty much it. It was like, it's a day at the dinner and we're waking up. We're waking up because girls and girls wake up. But there's always something kind of like adolescent rebellious about it. Like, I wake up when I want to wake up and I don't make my bed. I just want to throw up because I'm a girl and you're like, what is this stupid song? I don't want orange juice. I just want to drink other things because I'm a girl. It's always some lame protest about something that declares this teenage independence over something their mom is making them do. Basically every song is juliet like complaining on FaceTime to her husband, you know it. Yeah. It's like, I don't want Thanksgiving and the rest are wrong. I only want it with us couches to sit on. I want to earn, but my parents had Thanksgiving. Just because I just want to feel like I'm at home. I love that they have all this girl like girl power, girl power like they've been partying all night and then it cuts to Marissa and Julie and like, how was your night? I fell asleep early. Me too. Girl power. Girl power. I keep like this party music going on. I know. And then there was like a moment of like Julie, she couldn't find a door. I just wrote down a note, Julie can't find a door. I don't even know what that's about. She's trying to find a door and she's like, how did she not find a door? And then I could totally imagine and be like, oh, this is not a door. This is a window. This is a wall. Oh God. There's no door. How did I get in this room in the first place? Deep breathing. Namaste. Namaste, Julie. Deep breathing. Tree puffs. Tree puffs. I can do it. Give me five. Give me five. Give me five. So they're going to be asleep and girl, girl code music or whatever and then it stops. That's my favorite move in these songs is when it like immediately stops and it's just like Annabelle closing the door loudly. Yeah, I love that like because the thing is all season whenever it stops it shows like here's a slice of life that kind of encapsulate with this person's all about. So this episode stops you just see Annabelle just walking away from the camera down the hallway in silence. It's like music stops Annabelle staring at a lamp. It's like music stops Annabelle opening up a package of doilies and putting them around. She's like polishing rifles from the 1800s. So good. This was kind of Annabelle's episode for me. I just thought she was so fucking funny in this episode because she had to actually speak more. She was funny and Caroline Fleming was cracking me up all episodes. She's just turned into like an actuary bull's full of shit one. You know, I saw that one coming, but I wanted to believe she was just wonderful and genuine. But no, are they ever still like her? A lot of it. Oh my God. The picture she gets the more I like her actually. That's the way it goes with Brits or Europeans, I guess that they can get that whole like New Agey American. Wow, man. Everything's okay. I'm grounded. But man, the second you piss them off, forget about it. Yeah. Whoa. Don't don't piss off Caroline Fleming. She's like, I am the God the daughter of Count Prabian Arflet, Ludwig. My father stole a bird bag from another person's father in 1702. Wow. Wow. I hope they make a mini series about that sounds fascinating. So we open with Caroline, of course, the Queen, the other Caroline, the like the poor Caroline Donning at this point, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline and Fleming in bed in the morning. Let's just call her poor Caroline. It's like on big brothers past season when they're the twins and they were like, they were like, fat Liz and thin Liz and fat Liz is just like, thin Liz, like maybe one extra bound for poor Caroline, oh, poor Caroline. So we start there and she's like, where's Luke? Where is he? How can he not be here? I should fire him. You know, finger diva. And then Luke in his jumpsuit coming down the hallway with bags and bags of makeup. I know. Well, I love that he's like, the Caroline's like, well, Luke thinks he's on holiday, which is, I love that that because Luke thinks, you know, as much as Luke is my best friend. I love Luke. Where's Luke? He's fired. He's on your payroll. He's not your best friend. Well, she's kind of like that with her friends too. She was like that with Caprice last year. She's like, listen here, Caprice. I don't appreciate you talking to me from behind the glass wall. I can't really hear you. And it's not my job to listen. That's Pauline's job. Valentina, fire Clarice. Clarice is like, whoa. I'm on the cover of a newspaper instead of Kate Winslet. Right. What's the ladies name? Kate. It's a priest. Kate. Oh, Kate. Um, yeah, I know it. I'm not Winslet. That would be amazing though. Kate Winslet became the princess. Oh, it's Kate Middleton. Middleton. Middleton. Valentina, tear up the deli mail. I don't want to seek Caprice's face on this at all. Pauline, take all the deli mails down to the basement. Rania, like I'm on fire. Now, slowly. Amber, please go get a dog from the pound so it can pee on said papers. Bad news, Mum. Still on the digital edition. Oh, for crying out loud, I thought all the laptops. Valentina, I've been down the internet. Internet stop. Internet stop. Why isn't the internet stopping? The internet doesn't listen to me. Murder the internet. Bad news, man. Can't stop the internet. Oh, fine. You know what? Just take a sledgehammer and just crash. Just destroy every monitor you see it until it's all done. All right? I'm going up to Stonehenge. Valentina, email Google and let them know they're disembodied to my summer home. Amber, make sure she gets the bone out of her mouth. Dog, pee on paper. So what I loved is that in this, in this, so Luke finally shows up and he gets into bed and he's big in his big onesie and he's like, oh, Caroline, he's like, do you have caviar on your face? And she's like, I do, I do, I did have caviar. This woman like she had butter on her face last time now she has caviar. I kind of love her, but I'm very confused by this too. It's rich, asshole, late night binging, you know, they don't have little Caesars next to the fucking house or wherever they have. They have like little sestras, that's like a little Roman man. They literally have like one of Caesars, you know, distant cousins working a pizza oven. I know. Actually, we have a Patreon question because if you donate to us on Patreon at a certain level, you can ask a question that we'll read on the show. So Jamie McFarland asks, at what point will Luke be removing a turkey dinner from Caroline's face? Well, I think it's it's coming up. It's coming up very quickly. But I think first there'll be some scones and clotted cream. That's so funny. Yeah, that guy is basically just there to wipe that woman up and then also like assistant coach or when she needs it, he's, you know, how every school has the assistant coach and they do everything because every I went to a lot of schools. I was like one of these bitches. I was like, I didn't like it here, mommy new school. I went to a new school like every year, every two years, I'm not even kidding. And every one of them had either a coach or an assistant coach who did everything else. It was like, here's the coach, also the priest, also the swim coach, also the tennis coach, also the math coach after class, you know, he did everything. And that's kind of how I feel like Luke is. He's like the assistant coach who has to do everything. I know. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. He's the he is the one. And then we get into coach fight later, but we'll save it. Yes. We'll save it. In the van with coach Caroline, okay, so the coaching begins. So I've been joking this whole time that Annabelle is totally coaching these women to go against Caroline and it didn't work. And she was all upset, you know, like bullwinkle, the Natasha and bullwinkle or whatever. So then, and you know, I haven't been that obvious on the other side, but now we get coach Caroline. Yeah. Oh, so good. Just sitting in the car trying to talk Julie into why she should be your own person. And by the way, and she's doing this on the other side of the seat of Annabelle. Yes. Like they're like inches away and Caroline's there and I love by the way, I mean, Caroline doesn't give a shit. And she keeps on calling Annabelle po-face, which I thought was like way too sophisticated for reality. I'm like, I don't think we've ever heard the term po-face on Bravo. This is this is a new frontier. What is po-face because I thought it just meant like po like poor and I mean, I know she's smarter than that. But to me, it worked. Like, oh my God, she's calling her poor face, which is saying something about her discount fillers, which is saying something about grand's money, which is really rude. Well, according to the Merriam Webster dictionary, it means having its serious expression of the face. I thought it was, oh, it's po-p-o face, po-face. Wow, it's spelled just the same as po. How is anybody going to know the difference? I know. I know. Starling, you called me po on TV. I said you had a po-face. Well, it's the difference. Well, you know, one's poor and one's po. Yeah, it's po's po dying. Campus change English, darling. Stop fighting with English, darling. Respect English. Maybe you should give your posh put downs a little less to the English language. Maybe that. You slowly put the poh in posh put downs. I don't know why that's funny to me. It's like the most awful thing a British person could say to say to one. Oh, you're so po-face. I can't believe you just say that right in front of me, right in this black car. Has anyone been down town lately? Have you noticed how po, or the po people, are? The po-face is on the poor people. I don't see the po people. Valentina, raise a blanket. I don't want to see the po people in the po-faces. Valentina, erase your po face just because you're going to be po. Cauline, put on this mask of Kate Middleton, good. Now, go get a headline in front of Clarice. All right, talk about it now. Caprice, darling, caprice, not Clarice. Clarice, the sounds of the lambs. Caprice is like a little drink that you stick a straw into in a bag. And she was honest to real life. Oh, so good. The funny thing is that they actually mentioned Caprice this episode, which was hilarious, because she's been kind of like a race from the universe of Ladies of London. But Cauline did mention her at one point later in the episode. So anyway, so yeah, so Cauline is like coaching Julie and being like, you have to get out from under her thumb, or she's brought up your ass, or your up her ass, all this stuff. And Julie, I know, I mean, I don't know what's wrong with her, because she's just, Julie to this, Julie to that, Julie, get up, Julie, lay down, Julie, up on the door, Julie, stop talking, Julie, drink something, Julie, stop talking. I was like, oh my God, Julie, calm down over there. She is such a mess. So then they arrive at the cast. So by the way, they're going to Cauline and Clemmings Castle, not just, not just there or a state. I mean, Mapperton has nothing on this thing. This is a full on castle, although I didn't think it looks very castle-y, but you know. It looked kind of like a really big McMansion and like Connecticut, you know, like all of the brick and stuff. It was very pretty. No, but it's a big square. No, I mean, on the inside looked very castle-y, but I have a sort of expecting turrets and stone things and like little peasants around in a drawbridge, which I know is very naive of me. It's like Beverly Hills. I know. I know. Actually, that is what Beverly Hills is like because you get all these like dumb rich people who are like, oh, I want a castle. And then they go and they literally build fake castles and they look so stupid. Go look at what ladies learned and see what a good Danish castle looks like. A box with a triangle on top. Go to the Danes, darling, see how they've done it. Have you never had a Danish? The happiest country in the world. Do you know why they're the happiest country in the world because they have great castles? Oh, we have white castles and they have big red brick castles. I love when they get up there to this castle and the family is lined up. It's very down nabby. I was like, they were just talking about job balls on the car. And now we're a down nabby. It's like, how do we get job balls to down nabby? And everybody was wearing a dark hat. What was that about? I know. And Caroline Fleming is like kissing the butler. Like, niles, so good to see you. He's like, my name is Björg and you've never kissed me before in my life. I see these wenches you've brought away in dark hats. I thank you for at least that, little one. How lucky are you to lift up the drawbridge for us? So Caroline, so once again, you know, Caroline loves just talking about like she's like, my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, tipped over a boat in 12th century AD and was given a cast on in return. And now I am the first female heir after 3,000 years ago. I know my math is terrible on that, 12,000, but you know-- My 11th grandfather threw a cigarette out the window and it accidentally hit someone in the eye who was allergic to nicotine and they died and we ended up inheriting a castle. I get it, my great, great, great, great grand uncles brother by marriage invented tennis and now we have a castle. But there are always like awful things happening. She's like, oh, isn't that silly? One time, great grand daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, was just a common bricklayer until he dropped some bricks off the top of the building and killed the owner of the city. And here we are in a castle. Isn't that wonderful? We've actually murdered someone and now we control the world. It's so funny how my great, great, great, great grandfather murdered Julie's great, great, great, great grandfather and now I have a castle and she has job balls. That was priceless when she was introducing them to the family and she's like, daddy, daddy darling, I've been speaking with godfather Baron the Duke of Coachness and he, I was introducing him to Julie Montague and he said that his great, great, great, grand dad daddy, murdered him on accident by running him over with a cow. Isn't that hilarious? It's like, it's wonderful. That I got to tell this story to my stepmother, Mollese, you're blocked off or do you think she would not appreciate it? Isn't it hilarious that the Montague's could have been us. Yet they were poor and had to invent sandwich. Oh, disgusting darling. How lucky are we to have a castle instead of something you eat for lunch. I talk to the Montague, I talk to the sandwiches and to opening a sandwich shop daddy, he's like, oh, oh, oh, all idiots. I remember when great-grandmother, grandmother, grandmother, grandmother, grandmother, love in time had issues with her lover, Vlogger, and then he went off and his family created chicken fingers and now we have a castle. This is such an amazing thing what happens in life. I did have a brother, a wonderful brother. It was his birthday I made him a beautiful dinner. By hand, I would have no one else cook for my brother, and he choked to death. And now I'm the heir. Congratulations, how lucky am I? So, anyway, so then we get a tour of this huge castle and so Caroline Fleming has given everyone their own palatial room based on their personality rooms. So, she gives Julie the Empress room because Julie is actually a lady. It's like, is that another word in vain for the attic? Because that's where it usually am the attic, because I'm just the one who doesn't care. You know, the attic is the only place without fur. And then she's like, here, Julie, Julie, you get the Empress room because you're a lady and you deserve an Empress room. And Julie yet, here you can have my grandparents travel beds. Here's a cart, Juliet, here is a dog house. I know you've never seen one where you're from, but we invented them here back when great anti-wear might die. Juliet, I like to think that as we get closer, I like to think that it's somewhere down the line, that's my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, perhaps drowned your great, great, great, great, great grandfather. I feel so close to you now. Julie had actually got stuck in the church room. It's like a whole room that's a church that she has to sleep in. And Julie is actually trying to keep it positive because she's just got everybody nice to her again. So she's positive. And she's like, yeah, I'm in the church room. I'm a passion blogger. No one had long hair before Jesus. Thanks. Thanks Caroline. Literally everyone probably had like a scenic view of the Danish countryside and hers was literally a balcony overlooking the chapel, like it was in the chapel, it was a bedroom at the top of the church. Yeah, it was like literally in a church. I can't believe that she didn't make Marissa sleep in there, you know, like the molesting little boy's room just to punish her. Well, notice you put Marissa in the West Indian suite as like, you know, when we colonized the West Indies, a place that my family has spent so much time teaching those savages about the ways of the West. You know, we learned how to tame people. So for you Marissa, here's a place where you can be tamed. Thanks. Marissa, when my family first stepped foot on the ground of the West Indies, hunting humans was legal and it still hasn't changed. Have a nice sleep, Marissa, have a nice sleep. When our people first went to the West Indies, we met a whole bunch of new people who we took over and made sure they realized they could never be like us. And so on that sentiment, please enjoy this room. I'll never forget my third birthday. When I got to be head my first hyena in the West Indies, have a sweet sleep, Marissa. And they were playing for some inexplicable reason. I always write down the sound cues in the show. I don't know why I love them, but they were playing, "I'm going to give all my secrets away." Why are you playing that in the West Indies song, in the West Indies room? What are the secrets of the West Indies? I know. And by the way, I loved how then, of course, Annabelle, they're like, "Oh, yeah, it's the granny room." Annabelle was probably like, "Finally, I feel like I'm at home." They're like, "Welcome. This is a room with a giant bidet, with handrails, and lots of laps with flowers on them to polish." Enjoy, darling. Thank you, darling. There are plenty of surfaces on which to put teacups. This is a room full of ghosts that no one remembers, but we still pretend to cry about. Enjoy your sleep, my darling. We have a complimentary dunce cap in the corner to make you feel at home. With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. When Mint Mobile says $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, they mean it. Oh, my goodness, I cannot tell you how many times, with other mobile providers, I thought I was going to be paying one thing per month, and then surprise, I'm paying much more. And I just love that Mint Mobile is straight up. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. 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I just got the most adorable casual jacket, which I'm going to use more than anything else in my wardrobe from Quince. I mean, I look adorable and I can't even oversell this. I look adorable in this thing. You do. And honestly, like their false sweaters, I'm loving the color palette they have for them. They're just like very subtle, like a lot of stones and beages. It's really my vibe for fall 2024. Upgrade your wardrobe with pizzas made to last with quince. Go to quince.com/crapins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e.com/crapins to get free shipping and 365 day returns, quince.com/crapins. Poor Annabelle. All right, thank you. I just need a room with curtains that close all the way, all right? Anywhere with blackout curtains is fine. If the only place completely dark on this land is under the ground, Annabelle. Well, I'll take it. Sam's wonderful, darling. Rock 'n' roll. Rock 'n' roll. Rock 'n' roll. Rock 'n' roll. So then, I love that, so when Caroline Samber is getting situated, she's like, "Oh, you know, it's just I'm trying to put on a happy face, but it's just at the moment it's terrible time for me. I'm so stressed." I'm like, "Yeah, I'm sure your former employers love this." Like, "Oh, I'm so sorry, everyone. You're all out of a job." "Excuse me, will I go to a castle?" "Yes. Well, every time she's like, 'I'm so-- how can I live like this? I just can't think the gift library.' And every time she's in a bed, and I'm sure that she's thinking, "Look, I'm in a bed. My hair's messy. I've got caviar on my face. Okay, I was binging late at night. How can poor people hate me? I'm spending all this time in bed." Well, guess where they're not? In bed, okay? They're looking for jobs. Yeah. And you're in bed in like a four seasons robe, and your hair slightly must-- With caviar on your face. And you're ordering people around. She literally goes, "Champagne, please." [LAUGHING] Oh, Tina. Bring the champagne. Ugh. And they were playing sneaky clown music. The head of this part is what my title for this is, "Carolina in Bed Again." Poor. [LAUGHING] I'm done. I don't want to be po-faced. I'm putting on a brave face for the po-people with the po-faces, darling. All right. Straight. Champagne. Champagne. Bad news, ma'am. Here we have Prosecco. Oh. I mean, yeah. It's telling you. Those are the people that, fucking, Fleming's family accidentally ran down in the 1600s, darling. I'm not drinking that. [LAUGHING] So then we got more of a tour of the castle, and they go to like this big ballroom. And Caroline Fleming's like, "I used to play tennis in the ballroom. That's kind of what we did. I thought everyone came from that kind of place." I thought everyone played tennis in the ballroom. I was completely surprised when I got in trouble for it. That was the first time. I said, "Sorry, queen." Who does that? So funny, though. And it reminded me of that movie, "Frozen." Did you see that? Yeah. Yeah. It's totally true. So you know how the kid-- well, I won't say the whole plot because you have a twisty attorney, for those of you who haven't seen it. But it's about these two lonely kids without parents, and one will freeze the other one. So she's stuck in the room like Annabelle. Okay. She's the Annabelle. And then the other little sad one, I forget her name, "The Girl from Wicked." That one. No, no. That's Anna. That's the main one. I'm making this too long. Anyway, the lonely one had to be in the ballroom. That was the whole thing. She was stuck in this ballroom playing tennis by herself, and she's like, "Do you want to build a snowman?" And I just imagined pool Fleming. Yeah, exactly. Entertaining herself by playing tennis, and she just really only had a piece of wood that she presented the ball with. Yes. It wasn't tennis at all. It was really just like throwing an orange at a painting. They were like, "Caroline, you have a special gift. You may never touch a person ever again." How lucky am I? Not at all. Don't forget, darling, when you go to bed that you need to go under everyone's doorcrack and whisper silently, "Good night." You have a gift, Caroline. And from now on, the gift means that you can only have two people in the cab, including you. So if a third person tries to get in, kick them out. Yes, Mommy. Yes, Mommy. Do you want to build a snowman? No! Sorry, Daddy. Do you want to build a snowman? No! Sorry, brother. Do you want to build a snowman? No! Do you want to build a snowman? Do you want to build a snowman? No! Do you want to build a snowman? Do you want to build a snowman? Do you want to build a snowman? Do you want to build a snowman? Do you want to build a snowman? Do you want to build a snowman? No! Do you want to build a snowman? No! Do you want to build a snowman? No! Actually, yes. How lucky am I to finally find something to do? I've put the pesto under your door, Father. Would you like some free tools? Actually, yes. Please don't come into my family home and speak to me. It's very disrespectful. The first time I met Serena Williams and I threw an on to the painting and she asked me why, I realised that's not how you play tennis at all. I had to completely re-learn. Yeah, I mean, you know that there was a fairy tale that we're not getting the full fairy tale story. It was like, I always played tennis in the ballroom and my father said no matter what you do, be careful of the paintings and then one day I threw the tennis ball at the painting and it came alive and said, "Caroline, you have been cursed and from this day forward you shall always have a bookshelf in the middle of your dining room table." "Your family, your family's family, every child born to this family shall have giant pieces on the dining room table that obstruct the view of your guests." Oh, how lucky. "Caroline, Fleming, this is the ghost of your great, great, great, great, great, grandfather." "You have thrown a tennis ball to my portrait and now you must suffer the consequences from here on out. Every bench that you ever buy will have a huge disruption right in the middle of it." "Do you want a pair of snowmen?" So we go from the ballroom tour, which I don't think I'm ever going to forget in my entire life, by the way. That was like the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I felt like Juliet. I was like, "Wow!" I was so excited. I was so excited and I loved it the photographer. There's like one photographer stepping up from behind a planter. He's like And I also love by the way, I'm sorry really quickly I We really didn't touch on this but when she said that this is what she thought everyone did like I loved that she thought other children all had ballrooms that they all were playing Tennyson. Mmm. That's what I loved when I learned that Multiple children across the universe didn't grow up like this. I told myself flaming You will spread almond butter to the po-faced po people The West Indies choked they choked peacefully and happily and now we own it So next we are still on this tour at this never-ending tour Which next goes to the Africa room and the last time we were in an Africa room was on real housewives of Atlanta during the tour of So that's totally what I thought I was like, oh my god, please let me meet y'all at somebody or can be like I live lines I'll lay line. So Fleming said that this was the Europe's largest collection of animal trophies and then she's like she keeps putting out all these oddities She's like would you like to know what this is? This is the penis bone of a walrus? Mmm. I was like, oh, and Juliet goes. I didn't know a penis is like actually had bones It goes maybe that's why they're called bonus Maybe that's why they're called bouners. I am a I'm pretty American like I'm as American as they come and I still love to laugh at the fucking Americans on this show Can you imagine what they're doing in the UK? They must be on the fucking floor every time You know, they're probably when the cameras are off Juliet and Marissa are like do you remember that I remember? I would be and then and then Caroline Fleming's like This is a shrunken head What they have in this castle? They got a shrunken head now. This was so this whole round was so fucking creepy by the way It was so gross. It was like Noah's ark, but everything's dead. I know and then just and then Fleming's like who wants tea It's like what sort of transition is that here is a shrunken head and now we can have tea who would like to watch Television Let's turn on the walking dead and he taught dogs. It's like no. No, let's get over the dead people first Yeah, and Marissa's like oh, yeah, all these animals that we we don't be worried Julie like we used all the parts they're being made into unique things at top dog Boners I just wrote boners really big and crazy Juliet laugh shrunken heads. Oh my god Okay, Fleming apprehensive about the parental meeting. I just love how she speaks. I really do. She's like well after showing the girls the Africa room I thought well, I sure feel apprehensive about the parental meeting She is the kind of the NPR We were in a restaurant a restaurant full of po-faced po people well, you know, she it's funny Cuz in that castle Fleming turns right back into the princess or Baroness or whatever I mean, it's like all that sweet whimsical stuff goes away. She is She is full-on Mary from down Navi when she gets into the castle She's like all right now everyone gets ready for dinner. We don't we're not late for dinner. We're not late We have to be prompt. We must be prompt because Mummy and daddy will not be pleased if we're not and I want them to think I'm hanging out with a good group I'm like you're bringing a reality show into a castle a that's like the trashiest thing you could do while you're fucking a child well to in her parents eyes and You're bringing this group in there. I think you're I think your parents are pretty much ready for whatever happens tonight Yeah, they'll be surprised me and by the way, this is a small note, but Were were you as sort of like jarred as I was that they were seeing like smoking in the castle? I kind of felt like this is like a historical space. I can't believe we're smoking around all these couches It's still totally normal to smoke. I guess like around like side if you can if you think about it It really didn't become crazy here until like a decade ago, you know, it wasn't so like I just was like this That's couches like 300 years old. I mean, how could you be getting your secret smoke into it? How awful everything in there And they I'm sure there's been so much worse. It's gone It's got like blood from decapitations and shit on the couch, you know, like things were way worse before like a little smoke will kill and it's just Annabelle anyway Yeah, no, Fleming was smoking too actually. Oh, she was. Yeah, she was and then they go into the well once Julie Juliet get there She's like they go into dinner and again, I just everything Caroline Fleming says just makes me laugh She's like can you smother red cabbage? Had a smother cabbage And then she and then my favorite thing the episode is how she kept pushing the aquavie on everyone's aquavie aquavie aquavie It's aquavie, right. She's like, yeah, isn't that a great flavor. Mmm. Isn't that the greatest flavor and Julia's barfing in the corner Yeah, I was proud of Julia for even taking the shot because it was something that she didn't know, you know It wasn't like a cup of mac and cheese or something. She could down Like wow, I did it growing Well, that's what happens when you go to church every night *laughs* You grow darling. Isn't that a great flavor of religion when Luke the the song for this one was I'm getting ready Every I think they got ready in five times or they got ready five times in this episode to eat and every single time It was like I'm a girl getting clothes on to eat food girls wearing clothes to dinner I'm not an eating food at the dining room. I'm gonna have it in bed cuz I said so Luke and Luke tells Annabelle Annabelle is in rare form. Okay Annabelle shows up looking gorge and not looking You know, not looking like she just snuck out of the bathroom snorting something So I give her a lot of shit for that, but tonight she didn't look like that at all She looked totally herself really beautiful Put down it's like a plain old white trash put down my my great great great great great pop-all did that one time at a gas station It caught on Yeah, she didn't look like all drugged out of her mind. She looked like just depressed as hell So I was like welcome home darling. Yeah, and she comes in and Luke. They're sitting around before dinner and Luke tells her I Don't want you to be offended that I'm saying this but Your tits darling. I've never seen your flesh Uncomfortable and everybody's looking at her like Dunning, you're showing skin. Yeah, you're all right. I know they're all putting on their sunglasses is like the glare of white Destroyes their eyes. No, it's radioactive I'm so much alabaster so much alabaster. I decided until my book comes out I'm gonna start a new business and open a pastry shop no, it's pasty darling My bad, I'll go put on a show I'm a snowman. I'm a snowman. There's the truth Do you want to build a snowman? Please let it go. I'm built Please stop kneeling under my door stop it stop it Do you want to build a snowman? I am the snowman darling now piss off Well, you know like if it was truly like if Annabelle were in frozen the song girl like this Do you want to build a snowman? And she'd be like no and the song would just end and Then there would be like a slam on the door that hit the little girl in the head and she falls backwards Yeah, non-elso would be like oh, oh, okay You know non-elso's Juliet obviously Oh, okay So I Fleming is Fleming they just keep showing a little bit of Fleming and she'll just give one little sound bite of It's wonderful to see my friends in the home of my family And then they'll cut to whatever and then it cuts back there ten minutes later my family Friends and this one was I'm so delighted that I opened my world to my friends So they can see where I'm coming from and realize I'm the richest one here and they better respect my ass I'm not just some woman walking around barefoot making free-toe pie with her hands. All right And that Beth but nature, don't you feel like Caroline Fleming's grandfather was the bad guy and Ghostbusters - who came out of the painting? That's what I feel like Like if they're not nice to go like They're not nice to Caroline Fleming like a whole bunch of pink slimes gonna come out and they'll have to think happy thoughts until it goes away No, that's that's actually a good point. Maybe she's just doing all of this to see if she can she's like my family won't speak to me They think I'm trash. I shall bring a reality show 70 crew members into the castle and just try and make them kick me out So all the paintings will come to life and murder them all I became friends with the paintings and tennis camp The first time I threw an orange it great uncle uncle Baron Baron Baron he throw he caught it in his mouth And that's when I knew I own this castle So what so the first this is the at this dinner the buffet style I couldn't believe it we're gonna do this buffet star to all the Americans here. We call this the golden corral No, we have that no, this is literally a corral made out of gold That accidentally fell on the Queen's great cousin the Duke of Banford We have now the bathrooms of crowds I know but you got to make a golden corral reference isn't it a great flavor? So so at one point so they're all sitting around they're talking and Julie's like Julie says Oh, I love it here, and then Anna but they cut to Annabel laughing like Like she's some novice like she's never been in a castle before Whatever and somehow this like is like there's the jump off To the beginning of the tension of the night and I didn't quite understand that I kind of felt like that was a moment of editing I feel like Julie just said something relatively benign and then they just took an instance of Annabel laughing hottily, which is what she does and they put them together to make it seem like oh now It's beginning I wasn't really convinced Annabel is very single-minded like she's pissed and she's been pissed now for you know Days which to us is weeks, but when she's pissed She just gives that surly look and smokes really deep and gives people less gusted looks and laughs Yeah, so I mean it was coming no matter what and all these girls really riled themselves up I think more than any other show they really have these private meetings first and they're like that girls coming after you get her And they really show up at dinner ready to go You know and Marissa's always sitting there with that game face where it looks like you know how Dana Cowan from Top Chef That's who she reminds me of I finally figured it out because that's good Dana Cowan's very nice And they have the same face I mean they're years apart. So sorry Marissa, but they have that same face where when they're happy they're like delightful I would love to put this on the cover of a magazine - you're a disgusting human being and a dumb batch Yeah, it's like there's a very dark anger that can come over both of those faces. I'm son out of me She's Dana Cowan top dog. So what I loved is that so Julie's feeling awkwardness from Annabelle And so Luke gives her this like ridiculous pep talk and he's like well you're under her ring All right, and now you become you're blooming all right, and now you're a bird and she's a bird You know like bird bears, you know just like two birds in a flock and sometimes the flock goes two different ways And then you're all flying around together and the birds get hit each other and then there's a window and you don't see the window And someone to get hit yourself, but you know birds, and that's all right This way if I came into the bedroom in the morning and Caroline was sitting there waiting for me And I didn't have any makeup and I just sat there and stared at her She would think why aren't you doing my makeup? Do you understand what I'm saying? No Well, what's makeup? All right, let me put it this way if Caroline came home And I didn't have my hands in the toilet trying to get out a Barbie doll that one of her daughters She'd ask me why are you being lazy? You're a bad friend does that make any sense? Have you ever have you ever bought a dish towel and then your entire your your entire employer staff Stops using it after they wash her hair. How do you think the dish towel feels like? I know I'm a terrible American. It's like never mind. You're screwed Yeah, he was trying to give her good advice He was assistant coaching and then Caroline came right in because none of this stuff was really said behind anybody's back Anyway, like it was that in front of her face, but it was her back to her face So it was a very strange awkward confrontation that wasn't really a confrontation but sort of was that happened that I almost couldn't follow because Everyone was like talking about each other, but not really okay. Here you go. I'm gonna speak through this. You'll love it Marissa asked Julie what happened Julie who sent Annabelle's up my ass. I said you were up Annabelle's ass Annabelle Would you confirm? Okay, this was so good So Julie's getting defensive because somebody Marissa's like yeah, but remember in the van when Caroline was saying that you're up Annabelle's ass no the Annabelle's up your ass and she's like wait a minute you said the Annabelle's up my ass and Caroline No, darling. I said you were up Annabelle's ass. Isn't that what I said Annabelle? Is that what I said you heard? Well, actually you weren't saying it to my face You were saying it behind the dot dot dot and what you said was you were up Annabelle's ass But now you're changing side and Annabelle's up your ass Which is deeply amusing She's trying to get it straight. She's like wait a second So I'm a per-ass but then change sides now if you're ass but then an ass and what wait? Who said I was who a bitch? Oh, I said that you were her bitch But now that you're not her bitch because you've got job bowls and confidence, but you know you were a bitch I'm a bitch. No her bitch. Really? What? And you know since this is England this is the equivalent of Like the brawl of that opened up season three of Real Housewives of New Jersey where people punching and fighting and tables going over This is that equivalent to England like what did you say? I believe you I believe I said you up her ass You know no no no she's up my eyes on my purse. Oh, I said that you said Who's up who's ass that has got to be one of my favorite all-time house fight wait I'm not a bitch you're up an ass. They can't even get their logistics This is why it's so British because they want to make sure they get their facts straight before they get angry As opposed to Americans who will just they prefer to have their facts. Totally wrong I apologize afterwards and meanwhile Caroline Fleming is like they're having it out in my family home. No one fights in the castle Respectful. How could they do that in front of the aquavit with its great flavor isn't it great flavor? Keep fighting girls probably having sex with the 16 year old in the ballroom There's some white cabbage being braised. Does anyone want that but that sued the tensions. Hmm. Don't you smell the cabbage? There's no time to fight when there's cabbage in the air So this turns into the ass talking thing, okay now's where they get long So I don't want to go into all these but I just wrote down This is hilarious because British people have a way of separating themselves from their emotions to a point that they're just basically Like sports announcers, but about their relationship and it was hilarious because Caroline and Annabelle start having this fight Talk like trying to sell Julie on Who's making her a better person or something and it was like two coaches going at it. Caroline's like now listen here I have seen a different Julie ever since you've come to my team I've seen a Julie who goes on time with that bike and doesn't worry about it I see a Julie selling her jub bowl to hide bidders I don't see a sad little Julie who needs to hide behind lamps with flowers on them in croquet bitch sessions Grandmums house I see a little wussy Julie a little tired wussy Julie who can't even take a cigarette without coughing and who can't even stand up to an awful witch like Caroline Well, here's what I see it's like two coaches like talking to Julie fight and Julie's like really all right Where am I on the field? Where am I? Well, I love that like Julie. She then she I think she says and maybe the interview She's like she's excited cuz she's like I've grown balls I'm like what since when did you grow balls like you can't just tell us a group that you grew balls He didn't grow balls and then Caroline literally says this was one of my favorite moments of the episode Caroline says I think you believe in yourself now, and Julie says this is a direct quote. Yeah, I think that I mean yeah definitely There's another cat meme there's a cat poster right there. It's like a really happy cat like totally insecure She's like yeah, I yeah, I totally believe in myself. I mean I think I think I believe in myself I mean, I I mean I want to I just say I don't believe in myself Okay, hold on does anybody have a phone am I online? I'm calling the staff at the sandwich shop to ask them if I should believe in myself Julie all right here. Let me put it out for you this way I believe that you believe in yourself, and I think you can go right into that kitchen right now And you can make some hot chocolate and not spoon it really Your children will no longer tell my children to tell my nanny how much your food sucks starting No Meanwhile She's like there's so much bad energy. It's about to come to heads. Oh yeah, she's like Me so golden crowd yay. Um Caroline also said at one point to Julie she goes because Julie said what do you mean? I'm strong What do you mean? I mean do I look strong because yoga? I mean am I strong and Caroline goes Darling you become strong because you're around an awful group of people Yeah, and just like walking on glass eventually your feet stop bleeding and grow calluses Yeah, which you've done to your soul. So congratulations. We'll keep throwing rocks at you until you're fully strong. Thanks guys Now go do a slow headstand Now go try and do a tree while we mock the fact that you can't do it I know Well, so meanwhile annabelle annabelle just had enough of carolines and now her real erudite aristocratic ass comes down She's like regarding carolines. She's like it's like a it's like a cow opening its mouth You sound unattractive and stupid And then Luke's like you've got grass on your face mom Wiping wiping You have some chocolate mousse on your face mom So annabelle is now Looking like she's staying calm, but she is gulping down the cigarettes. It's like watching Dorothy come at you very slowly with a bucket of water getting ready to throw like she's ready to melt But she's not she's not winning She's not admitting to feet yet And she's like heaving out cigarettes and leaning on the table And it was just the visual of it was cracking me up because there cannot be two wicked witches Okay, there's one of them gets crushed by a house and then there's a good one and a nice one Okay, so you but those bitches are fighting for the top spot. It's like a wicked competition Yeah well, um When we come back from commercial break, it's the morning and now carolina's lemmings bitch flower has come to full bloom because everyone has everyone has slept in and carolina's lemmings is furious because breakfast is at 10 and it's 10 30 and everyone's still in their bedrooms and she is Going down the hallways waking everyone up. It's rude not to come down for breakfast. It's rude. It's rude What happened to the girl who had a bucket of lollipops on her bed with barefoot, you know Yeah, totally gone air-free like they didn't even do this in the west indies Yeah, they woke up when we told them to and then they chucked on almond butter get to breakfast now Like she turned into a nightmare and then so fee now You know who the real queen bitch and all of this is is Fleming because Everyone is terrified. I mean even so being Caroline and those people would take down hitler with a few bad words You know you'll be like your face is hideous your techniques of hevenistic and you're You've got bad breath need be like Okay, trummit stay. I care self Get out of my country, right Yeah, they are afraid of Fleming. Sophie's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, darling. You're totally right. You're totally correct You're right. I'm it's rude rude and I'm still sorry. Still sorry mom Fleming meanwhile, she was like Niles has been in there. He's been cooking for an hour. I think it's rather rude I think it's rather rude that you don't come down when he's been cooking for so long. I think it's rude I'm like you don't care. What about the help that helps feelings. You're just hungry right now. You just want your bacon. All right She's just in control again. It's like a woman who's been given everything and treated like a well I mean, she's not a princess, but she's got a title. I guess that means that means something You know, she's treated like that her whole life and she's got a bunch of people who don't give a fuck and she's like, what are you doing? Don't you give a fuck give a fuck It means when you're grounded into the earth, it means you give a fuck about a flipping I'm gonna calm down over there. No one cares like congratulations on your gigantic castle That's not in London darling and you're one person following you around. It doesn't count in another country All right, enjoy it while you're here because when you get home, you're just another mac and cheese making mom and You're bare feet and giant things on the dining room table Yeah, you think you're special because you played tennis in the ballroom Well, guess what in England, you know what they play in the ballroom the Olympics No uh, well, there's only one person who can kind of bring carlion flaming Back to like back to earth and that of course is carlion stanbury and when because carlion phlegm is like Well, you know it like I would never do this if I was a guess at someone's house. I would never act like this I would never do this and then carlion phlegm is like well carlion stanber is like well I wouldn't be a guest at someone's house normally. I was like oh Yes, she's like that is why I don't put myself in the position of being a guest ever Meanwhile marissa was loving this she was sitting there like she she had the top dog hot dog grin going on Because she's like oh good now everyone sees that carlion flaming as a bitch and i'm not the bad one anymore Yes And like anybody who grew up with siblings knows the biggest brat wins So you've got one brat throwing a fit Fleming and then you've got the bigger brat who just shuts down the other brat So yeah, it's like she can't be a brat again until the other carolinely until poor caroline goes back to being poor and poor So then everything settles down and then after breakfast It's all Luke's fault Luke should have woken me up I just got the looks like I did wake it up, but I had to bring a shuffle and take the cheesecake off of face My parents are coming and I don't want them to have to wait Now here we go. I cannot wait for this So so the thing is this last week on the previews for this episode we see footage of Annabelle getting a Terrible phone call that has her Oh my good And she's crying and everything and we think like I think we didn't we didn't we suspect her maybe it was me That her friend Liam died I thought her crime warner got cut off It's like but where when I watched knitting channel with grandmom, please Someone broke my tea kettle But anyway, it looked like a big awful thing and happened. So so here it is the moment comes she gets the phone call She's like what what oh how awful oh, well, what did they say that? Oh? Oh my god, what happened? She's like It's the Daily Mail. They're doing a story about Alexander How could they there's so much gossip about him? How could they do that in the Daily Mail? Yeah, she said a couple of funny things in there. I mean, I'm sorry to say they're funny But she just makes me laugh because she goes yes But when people call you and they want to talk about these things you're supposed to say no And then she goes with a closet and she's crying. Oh, Sophie darling. I'm sorry to cry You haven't met this me. This is closet crying me shut the door darling Be shut the door you darling So then Sophie goes out with the girl the girls and it's freezing and it's more hot They're gonna need so many suitcases just for these fucking hats. They've got like 10 hats So they're walking around outside and Sophie's like darlings just so you know if on a bell Breeze smoke in your face punches you and then tries to snort the necklace right off your neck It's because she got a call today from the daily for the Daily Mail and everyone's like bullet points They're like no We all know she hates bullet points. She only likes shots, not bullet points So yeah, she tells them about all the drama going on and apparently so there's some book written about Alexander and uh, there's stories that were never told they got quotes from someone because Juliet's like Yeah, but the only people they would be able to talk to are like his friends So like they're not gonna tell anybody because then Annabelle will be mad at them and that's no fun Like who's gonna ever go to a party and be comfortable again Just like they call quotes from like oh no, his muse was really Sharon Stone Yeah, it was it was like, I mean, I understand being like annoyed and frustrated, but she really She was being over over the top. Well, we already know so much about him I mean, it's not like anybody thinks he lived this really innocent life I mean he was pretty like he led a pretty dark life. He didn't yeah I don't think there's any huge mystery. Everyone's like, oh my god. This is gonna kill his Gonna kill his dead person Creating card line like what like no one's like looking to him for a positive card to send your grandma Okay, I'm like everyone knows that he was No, a little work around the edges. Yeah, I was an artist darling. He was so she shares all this then carolines. Let me say Thank you for showing that with us now. How about that aquavie? Just wonderful. Would you like some aquavie that might help with the situation just wonderful and everyone acts like Annabelle talking about it Is this huge thing? They're like Annabelle's opening up finally. Here's Annabelle opening like a little flower Listen Annabelle's always opened up. You just have to know what to talk about Annabelle or Alexander or how much Alexander loved Annabelle. That's it She's opened up like a zillion times. Have you guys watched your show? Well, I love all so like, you know When people are asking you about Alexander, you just cannot talk to them unless they're a reality v crew who can mince your words about He died five years ago, but now he's being killed How can you kill a dead person? I'm so upset at people. There should be a lot killing dead people and people are like, yeah, I agree Posh put down So No one knew him like you did All right. Now. Let's go. It's like that's all she needs to hear. He likes you best darling. All right now We're going to go eat some flour that has been stirred in butter for 16 hours by niles How lucky are we to have some red cabbage right now? Red cabbage right now. It's in the air. Who is that red cabbage? I smell or is it your story souring? All right, let's all get up and move on put it to resell up your bum Oh my favorite story about Alexander McQueen was when he went to that restaurant that he loved and he wanted to get Five pounds of comfy cheese and they didn't have it for him So they went they found went all over Copenhagen. They found out they brought it to him and they said here it is Oh wait, that was about me wasn't it I love the statue that they made in the center of town of great grand grand grand grand grand grand dad dad dad Alexander. I'm sorry That was me I was so grounded in your pain that I projected your pain onto my marvelous presence Oh hugs So next we go feel bad for Fleming at dead mom visit. That was so sad. Yeah, that was really sad Like that was a very sweet scene and I almost wanted to make fun of her when she Hugged the orange. She's like it's hagabal, but I was like no It's a hugable She said like some people would call this a tagine, but mommy loved Moroccan food Every once in a while. I come braise her for a bit and then leave for three years. It's like oh, this is so nice I love it. It wasn't really it was a really sweet moment and it's it is kind of cool I mean it's what I mean as much as we're making fun of Caroline and all this stuff with her castle and I played in the ballroom when she's like walking through this chapel and all these people from her Families to like the middle ages are buried there. It's like it's it's cool I mean you do get a sense of like there is a huge lineage there And I know I I had to genuf like a little bit in my brain Oh, yeah, there there is a huge one and most of us don't even know it like those websites that Tell you all about your family tree when people do those they will they're like on the floor shocked at where they come from I don't know. I mean I there was like a big long hallway of Lebanese people in my cities house So I I've seen lots of Lebanese people I can imagine that my my big castle would be just like Lines of Lebanese people on the wall looking down at me like You're a veranda I feel like my ancestry.com would would go back a hundred years and then but you know, you know, I'm jewish from eastern euroth I'm sure like they're like jews. You don't get to have the you don't get to have records be gone My great great great great great great jimmy was the first head waiter of lebanon And that is why I shall serve the rest of my life 20% oh spirit hugs So that was really cute and she actually made stanberry like kind of cry which was so awkward I was like, please just fast forward clear that it was mother clear. They did mother Thankfully, we are at a girl powered dinner getting ready for dinner song again I'm getting ready for dinner because your parents are coming. I'm eating with the mom cuz i'm a girl So this is a black tie affair because the parents were coming at us as you said So we meet caroline's father. His name is baron neils crabber jill brock doth And then we meet her godfather who's who is count previn alifers Love gig and then her stepmother moles your brock doth Yeah, that was a humongous family with long names and really nice clothes from a long time ago And they were so old school which I loved actually especially the count You know, he really seemed like he gave him down that way the way he would talk. I mean that total I mean beyond upper crust. You just don't have anything in america that could that compares That like effortless wealth and title, you know, yeah And also just the general snarkiness of everybody like everybody makes jokes everybody mocks each other the whole time And it's really fun. I was like, oh family hugs. You know what I get to Yeah, and you know what actually cracked me up because again annabelle's always like i'm say rock and roll I've got bangs. I hung up that looks into the queen of rock and roll. I know fashion The moment she gets around The titled people and the wealthy wealthy title people she is very quick to be like, uh, i'm part of you guys I am an aristocrat. Uh, let me talk about my mother's title and let me tell you a fun story about my mother's title And oh, yeah, she slept with the king or whatever that she was like, she's like hello. Jo's men Let's talk about shooting titles and those stories were hilarious because they were again all about Killing other people and then getting their title and then they're like, oh, and she's like, yes I have a title too. I'm a makheisa and my mummy was walking Something like my father's father father's father granddaddy father's cousin makheisa Was having an affair with a woman and he wanted the husband so he murdered him Well, it turns out that the husband was powerful darling and that's how we got our title It just wasn't she just had to sleep with him in the first place It all came down to getting us in the end Rock and roll title darling Yeah, I just thought it was very funny that she immediately went to her aristocratic Short before gentlemen, they're like, oh no, are we a duck? She's like, i've been short. I've been short straight me ass Well, didn't your husband help you. I don't have one Crazy, what a rebel that means on the market. Hey, she's like, I literally am Yeah, she's like no, let's talk about malads Do you have any lamps that you'd like to polish together and tell stories about killing other people to gain fame and fortune Love you where have you been all alive spangs? That was so so fucking cute and I just wrote Cara, I'm not caroline rock and roll. I wrote I forgot her name for a second, but rock and roll Uh is so much more comfortable around old people She's just one of those people that sees a senior and she goes right up to them and it's like let's talk for 10 hours because regular people suck Okay, well, that's why I always get annoyed with her always being like i'm so rock and roll because it's like, you know You may like rock and roll things, but stop calling yourself rock and roll because you're basically just like an old fart You know like you're not old. You think about it so it's rock and roll Yeah, but she she likes, you know, she likes all the pomp and circumstance and like all the stuff that rock and roll Is supposed to be rebelling against she's totally like a part of that and she loves it And so she she should just embrace that because that's the best side of her Yeah, but you know at the end of the day you still got to be around like-minded people and all the rock and roll people from her time Are dead now because they were so rock and roll. It's like she was so not rock and roll that she's still living and she's stuck with grand You know, so the people she likes are just like old people you talk to them for a while about whatever you want They fall asleep. There's none of this like You can say the same Alexander story 30 times and no one's gonna get sick of that shit She's like bring me bring me an old time award I shall walk down and tell stories until people die So then they go to dinner they all get together for dinner and by the way, I thought luke looked fantastic in a tux Good for you luke. Yeah, good for you. I love that little luke I think he's a sweetheart and he's a really I really enjoy a gay that you bring along as an accessory But they can also give decent advice and he calls it correctly when he told Julie that stuff about well now You know now you're not hers anymore and she's upset darling. You have to be nice I mean, that's actually really good advice. That was true. Yeah, Julie couldn't see it Like I really like that guys. Oh, yeah, he's we like Luca. I feel weird saying that but I do like him He's one of the best gays on brother. I love you. Yeah, so um I'm looking at you so Fleming. You have to family So Fleming and Marissa have a moment. They're like next to each other and you know Fleming is doing this whole thing I'm like, you know, when we first met like I you know, I didn't know to know you very well But now I feel like we are very close And Marissa, you know why right Did you catch why? Okay, so Marissa goes over to her and I'm staying in this scene. Don't worry. I'm not changing She goes right over to her and she's like Hi Hi, this is great. You know in her whisper voice that she does when she's being like whisper mom And she touches her arm and she's like how was today in that voice and she's like darling The deaths of my soul today and the feelings of mummy Really it was important and I've only been there three times in all this time And there's a reason for that and we got cut off. We didn't find the reason so that's the reason because it's tough for her Well, there's a yeah, but there was also so much drama like so she's hinted at all this drama that's going on But she won't tell us exactly what it was like her family To visit mummy there just happens to be a sale on pink Himalayans Mummy didn't raise someone to skip a sale darling Mummy loved a po-face purpose She's telling her this stuff and she's doing it in that um I'm not ever gonna make fun of someone's mom being dead, but she's she takes that uh very like Mummy, it was very difficult today You know that faux sincerity thing that she does and Marissa is totally listening to her with her own mom faux sincerity And they're both like kind of having this battle of faux sincerity And then realize we can both pull off both sincerity really well And she's like darling at the end of all this you listen to my mummy monologue I like you now and that's all it took and she's like now. I like Marissa She listened to me and I was like that soul unit. You see that mommy voice works. Yeah, she's like I feel very close to her now Let's see listen to my story. She wins. I would like to announce this people Nigel remove the gigantic pink trees from in the center of the table darling He's like sorry, ma'am curse Oh, that's right. Never mind. All right. Everyone. Let's climb to the top of the center pieces and have a toast, are we? Well, what I liked is um Marissa was like, you know, I appreciate her for who she is and she's like, you know a little bitch Um, I really respect her now and fear her because she's really rich So that's my lesson for today So then Marissa gives a toast and I was very scared I'm like, no Marissa, please don't give a toast. These you're american. Just don't she's like, you know what you guys need some hot dogs toast dogs So she's like, well Uh, meanwhile might give her some crazy voice. She's like, well, you know uh, I first I fell in love with your sister and then I fell in love I came here and I fell in love with this castle and this place in this country And then I fell in love with your father and this count and I fell in love with niles in the kitchen and I fell in love with a bed and there was that shrunken head up I fell in love with that one too and then I I fell back in love with your dad again Was there anything I didn't I I fell in love with a table here and then there was that staircase. I love the staircase Is there anything I didn't fall? Oh, I got to know the shrunken head. Yeah, the shrunken heads are great too. Oh, it's also you And but then most of I fell in love with you. I'm like, that's great. You like you liked everything else then finally you loved Fleming And Fleming's like, oh you listed me in the same order as the rest of the family. Thank you darling You'll fit right in here Um, yeah, Marissa giving a toast is really cute. And um, of course you love her. She's rich and popular, darling I love Fleming. I love Fleming. I actually really like everybody on this show We make fun of everybody, but this is the one where I legit actually like all of them Yeah, I mean the beginning of season a little down on Marissa because it seemed like she was being um persnickety But she is I like that I like that I like that about her and I like that julie at such a dumb dumb And she's like so insecure and like And I like that julie so insecure and nervous and worried about pleasing people and annabelle doesn't give a fuck about anything except I loved finding out that annabelle has alexander as her twitter bio. I mean stuff like that like oh you just can't replicate shit like that You know, that's pretty amazing. Oh, yeah, so all right. So now after the dinner dance um, which by the way, I wanted to ask about manners here because yes, you know, I have none first of all and also Yeah, they're all talking about manners this and caroline flaming is so worried that mommy and daddy will be then What about the manners? And then the first thing she does is she's like julie darling my great great granddad dad dad killed you Like why is that worse than like talking about your feelings like talking about murdering somebody's family Member is okay as long as you don't talk. How you feel about it. I know Isn't that funny It's almost as funny as this aqua vie that you're drinking it has a funny flavor to it, doesn't it? It's quite good. I like it Well, people don't eat sandwiches that are alive. So Thanks julie, have you ever thought that we could merge our families and you can serve a ready cabbage sandwich think about it Julie a wonderful flavor. We've wanted to merge the montageuse and the sandwiches because frankly quags list doesn't bring good help finagel anymore And you're very good with a mixer Julie do you smell that? That's probably cooked hot chocolate. There's a wonderful smell. Do you like it? Julie was working with niles who accidentally dropped a kitchinade mixer on her head And now we are the Fleming to use What a wonderful story Okay, so now they're in the ballroom doing some kind of dance competition and Sophie is just shit faced falling on the ground drunk drunk Dying I've taken so many street screenplays and gifts of this and then Annabelle's like That that Sophie can get pissed. Well, I mean, I like her. She's she's a nice girl and everything but she can get pissed Whoa, like a low rock and roll. That's all rock and roll over there the one on the ground. All right You know, she's not doing the proper box step. What does she think she's doing? This is rock and roll This is rock and roll She's so pissed. She forgot how to waltz rock and roll Sophie It's like the 80s equivalent of sniffing a line off the dukes are stunning No, excuse me. Well, I do a fox shot to Mozart rock and roll So Sophie and Julie I guess are both ways. Who knows what Julie? She's always acting kooky Who knows? Yeah, but they get wasted and at one point. Sophie is so drunk. They're like, okay, darling Let's move to a different room. Like that's gonna change anything Yeah, so they move her and she sees a mirror and she goes like the mirror and she goes I've never been so sweaty in my whole life, but I'm still hot I'm still hot Love how lucky are you? She is so hot. I know it's funny in that scene I noticed something about her face and this is not to shame her or anything like that but if I always think that Sophie is just so beautiful She is so hot and I guess maybe she didn't have as much makeup on But for the first time ever I saw her face and it's like I can imagine what she would look like if she had like a little mom hair cut And dowdy clothes because you know, she's probably in her early 40s and it's like Because she is wealthy she has this beautiful Wonderful hair in this wonderful dress and it makes her like young and sexy and if she was just if she was like poor and dowdy She would look so much older. Well, it really does make you look young. It does. Oh hell. Yes, of course I mean, that's why all these housewives bitches are afraid of being poor I mean most of it is just that they have hair and makeup people Life is not worth living once you've gone from that just to waking up more in a whole foods in your underwear Basically like you just I'm not saying that she looks that she looks old or that she looks ugly But you know, it's just you know, the other day I was in thud rockers as one does and there was a girl walking through She probably was 24. She had a mom haircut and a baby hanging off of her chest and she looked like she was 37 I mean styling matters. Oh, yeah Good for you. So good girl. Keep it at We love so also everybody else out there don't have children. They just ruin your life your face Or a mom Please don't get a mom haircut. I love this style Well moms get moms who actually have to be there and take care of their children get mom haircuts because the kids are always pulling it out And you're getting barf in your hair and you're getting you know, it's like it's utilitarian. They're not doing it for here's what I say Get a swim cap get a swim cap stuff it up there and then take it off at the end of the night But don't get a mom haircut. Please Get a wig darling. Let him borrow from the wig or better yet a butler Just get an intern everybody start your own home business and just be like I need an intern to take care of my baby Valentina let the baby pull your hair. Mm-hmm. You know Next week the scenes now. I didn't write down all the next week Don't worry because we're trying to tighten this time up But next week the best is that Caroline has no job now So she has to be at home with her children and her daughter is like I want more mommy She's like darling. That's enough stop eating. No, I want more. She's like Fatty my next week Caroline's child gets an eating disorder Girl power eating disorder And I'll be excited ladies of London can never skip ya will be like crazy So good also we can't skip because we have a another huge show coming up this next week Because we have real housewives of atlanta returning We have the real housewives of Beverly Hills preview that was on because you know we have to talk about that That was just the trailer the trailer. Yeah, and then what's the other show we do on that day? Better pump rules People do maybe we don't do Vanderpump we don't do ladies of London on Tuesday doing you're right. I'm sorry So, yeah, we've got another big week full of lots lots of crazy. Oh, I pray ski up race ski Oh, no, we're skipping that week to do Something else we talked about this Anyway, we'll talk about that that off the air. You don't get you guys don't have to do that. She is Who knows what we'll talk about. Maybe we know how about this. Why don't we discuss up risky a little bit in the bonus episode? How about that? Amongst other things amongst other things. We'll see how it is. I'm not ready to commit to our brisket We're gonna lose 50% of our subscribers. Wait, what that's like. Yeah, I'm like, no. Yeah, you don't put the best the best stuff there Well, I'm no I'm not sure if anyone's committing to that show. Yeah, we'll have to see this crazy We'll figure it out everyone. Just just listen. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did on this. So you shut you all you guys have to do Just show up and we'll take care of the rest. Yeah, just show up come over to watch at crappins.com to find our latest episodes and also Feel free to go over to facebook.com/watchwalkcrapins and talk crap with us all during the week and patreon.com/watchwalkcrapins for subscriber extras like the weekly bonus episode ringers And hangouts and all that good stuff. I can't believe it's already November Amazing. Oh my god. Everybody wait a little so fun. This was such a fun episode. I'm glad we did it run me too I'm glad because I was like, oh, it's just wait till next week. You said no, it's worth it I was like they're in a castle. This episode is just too funny So it's not even that the episode was so funny. It's just I knew that it would make us laugh. Just joking about it. Yeah, to us it's To us it was one of the seal ball Church room All right, everybody. We love you. Thank you so much for listening to the show and for your support and always for talking back to us online We always love that stuff. So you guys have a good one and we will see you next week Bye If you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on apple podcast Prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go Tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey Bombus presents unsolicited gifting advice Number one if they say not to get them anything get them something two underwear is a great gift Just not for your boss and three those absurdly soft bombous socks and slippers you've been eyeing for yourself They all love those and the fact that for every item you purchase another is donated to someone who needs it They all love that even more go to bombus.com/wondery and use code wonderie for 20% off your first purchase That's bombus.com/wondery code wonderie
