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For Hers.com/crapins, Hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA-approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium subscribers, Jessica Halford Porter, Christie Doherty, and Claudia Catalina. Hey everybody, welcome to the Watch what Crapins would like us to plant cast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV, and I'm with the Ben Mandelker of the B-side blog in the Bantabalondos, gorgeous, talented, thin, and hungry. Hello, Ben. Oh, let's go on, Ronnie. Go on, hello. I'm in a crazy place. I ended with hungry because I think that is the most admirable quality in person. Personally, let themselves feel hunger every once in a while. I won't think it for you. That's what it's like being gay, feeling hunger, feeling hunger. Not for some of us, darling. So everybody, thank you so much for listening to this. Thank you for subscribing on Patreon, those of you who do you. We just recorded that bonus. And somehow we mixed in the KKK with gay porn. A boxer getting tricked into gay porn mixed with- I was in there with some fun mixes. You know, and by the way, the link between KKK and gay porn is not that crazy, because you know probably about half of those KKK guys watch gay porn, and then are so closeted they feel shitty about themselves. Oh my god, if only Harry Hamlin would do some gay porn in his swastika. Oh my god, it would be like a KKK splooch fest all over your screens if they weren't wearing giant sheets to cover them. Because they're pussies, as you would know, if you listened to the bonus, if you didn't know. Yeah, we talked about KKK and Harry Hamlin wearing a swastika. The boxer who claimed he was drugged a little bit about Zola. We talked a lot about gay porn. And I think we talked about like a few other things that we're really amusing. But for some reason, I can't remember them at the moment. I was in a fugue state. That's what happens when we record. That's enough to make people either press stop right now or subscribe, I think. I think there's only one where you're going to go with any of that. We were talking on there, like why, why do we always end up talking about porn? And we just basically justified it with look, we're talking about Bravo. No one will talk about that in public either. So, you know, we're doing a service. Anything you don't want to talk about in public, let us know. We'll do it right here. So anyway, you can find that on patreon.com/watchwalkcrapins. And thank you so much to everybody who's doing that. You can get ringtones, which, oh, this month is new. There will be new ones up soon. Lots of intercom pools, I'm sure. Ringtones, the Hangout will be in a couple of weeks. Really fun. So go there. Also, you can find us on iTunes. So subscribe. If you subscribe to us on iTunes, like it helps us. Obviously, we love that. And when you review, we're like, hey, but beyond just helping us. It's also the only way that you really see the new episodes right when they're posted on iTunes, because if you don't subscribe for whatever reason, iTunes shows it later. And there's nothing we can do. Which you're lucky, because everything I try to fix, I break. It's true. Actually, no, Ronnie makes a good point because a lot of times it's weird. People who subscribe on iTunes, when you subscribe, some people don't even realize what subscribing is. But when you do subscribe, what happens is that iTunes automatically delivers the episode to your phone or to your iTunes library. And sometimes, it's weird how that process will happen before people who don't subscribe yet. It's just makes life easier, because no one understands it. We don't understand it. But anyway, so we're not trying to trick you. But if you are one of the ones that gets it, you're like, why is everybody else listening to it? And I'm not. That's why. So just subscribe and you'll get it automatically. We're available everywhere. You can find us on Sarenclad Stitcher. That's my personal favorite right there, Stitcher. Tune in. We're all over. Just Google it. Or go to watch what crappins.com, which has all of our links to all of those places. Yeah. And what else do we have to talk? That's it, right? Yeah, I mean, we talked about Patreon and Facebook. Did we talk about Facebook? I don't know. Yeah, we're trying to get through this quicker, because it's obnoxious. You probably just listened to Twitter. Hey, welcome to the side zone at work. Yeah, we want to really, by the way, we really want to do, we were talking about this before, we started recording that we really want to make sure people know how appreciative we are. Like, we know we are reading ads in the middle of the show now, and we're asking for stuff on Patreon. We're asking you guys to subscribe and this and that, whatever. We really appreciate you guys listening to us and being patient with us. You know, no one wants to be hocked at. I mean, that's why we always fast forward that part on Down Abbey. But it really means a lot to you. When you guys do do these things and you support us, it really goes so far. Because we did a three hour episode last week, and we put in a lot of time, and it really makes it worth it for us on our end. And it helps us, it keeps our brains on straight. Oh my god, totally. Being able to justify sitting here literally for five hours, which we did the other day. We sat here yapping for five effing hours. Because it is like an hour beforehand when we talk about, maybe we should do this on SoundCloud, I remember we should do that. So, it's almost an hour, too. That was so fun that day. Oh my god, we were so tired at the end. So anyway, thank you. So we're taking a long way of saying thank you. We're going to try and make that part quicker. Mwah, thank you. Thank you for coming to Watercraft and sit back and enjoy the show. Thanks. So we have a crazy week coming up. We just did Heather McDonald's Juicy Scoop Podcast yesterday, which we've, that's like our third time hanging out with that chick. Really like her. She is so funny. Really, really like her. Love somebody who is so open with her opinion. Not afraid to be a bitch when she needs to, opinion-wise. And also can still stick up for her friends, even when someone like me is right in their face. Like, um, no, your friend is dumb. I'm sorry, your friend is dumb. She's still like, okay, well, that's your opinion. That's still my friend. And then she'll move on and be fine. You know, that's a sort of maturity that I don't necessarily have. God bless you, man. I really like her. It's also a great power that fame brings you because when you're famous, you'll be like, uh-huh. Okay, that's great. I'm going to shut you down now. Okay, moving on. Oh, yeah, exactly. No, but for real, she's totally awesome. And you know how I'm willing to be shut down. No, she shut me down. I think she was just like, you know, come, come on back from the, come back from the road before you get hit by a bus stunning. She actually didn't, she actually never shut you down. There was never anything like that. You know, um, it was- What could it mean like she was considering what the fuck I'm- She was like, what are you? Like, who are you? Well, you were in a state last night when we did it. It was kind of funny. Um, it was also, it was like, you were, because at one point you went on this big rant about Carly Fiorina. And, and it's like that. And then like she was talking and then you put like the periscope, like right in her face. It was like all these things going on. I was like, oh, it was just like a crazy, crazy situation. Um, but, uh, it was ultimately- What did you get when you invite me into your home? That's right. I wouldn't want- I'm so much crazier, uh, when there's someone else, you know, we've actually gotten to know each other as friends over the- Like we're friends. Like legit friends. And when we hang out, I'm not like jumping all over the walls. But when we go out, I'm jumping all over the walls. Like I feed off energy wherever I am. And so if I see like a bigger audience, even if it's like the gardeners outside, I'll be crazy loud. Like it's stupid, but what can I tell you? I'm a needy- I'm a sad needy person, but at least I just need laughs and not other people. Oh, Ronnie. Oh, I just need them to laugh. I don't need their money or the care. Oh. Well, you- You do need their money. That's why we have Patreon. Oh, well, that's true, yeah. No, but, uh, for real guys, uh, when that- When that episode comes out, I'm sure we'll- We'll put up a link, etc. But it's super cool. Yeah, really fun talking to her. Having Heather having on- Having us on because she gets like, much more famous people than us. I mean, she had like Chris Kardashian on last week. And we're- We're following in the footsteps of her Kardashian. We literally are following- In Kardashian. Oh, wow, wow, and they earned it. You know, I think there's a certain power in being able to say, "Fuck you, I don't care." Like, "I don't care who anybody is. I just want to make fun of them." And that's- That's how it should be. Now, where I get hypocritical about that, is the next news. Because, you know, we don't interview a ton of bravo people on this show, because it's kind of awkward. Like, it's hard sitting here with Jill Zarin and not being like, "Yeah, but you were a bitch," you know? Yeah. So, uh, luckily, the ones we've met are- like, are kind of people, and they're real, and we'll admit when they're wrong, and have fun talking, and- Have fun listening to us shit talk. Yeah, and one of those- Is the lovely Kate Chastain from below, Dick. And I'm so excited to meet her, uh, but just as a person, like, I'd love to hear her take, and hear all the back saved stuff. I'm so excited. Is she- wait, are we meeting, meeting her, or is she just coming on to the Skype? Uh, she's gonna Skype with us. Oh, okay. Did she live here? I don't know where she- I feel like- for some reason, I feel like she lives in, like, Tampa. Or Florida. Yeah, I think she's from Florida. I don't think she lives here. I feel like that's where all the yachties are. Really excited for that. Kate is very, very funny, and she's so acerbic, and she definitely speaks her mind. I mean, the things that she said to Leon all season long, and- or the times when he came for her, and she just does not- She barely bats an eye. I wouldn't do that. I'd be crying. I'd be in the back corner. For as much shit as we talk right here, if someone was like, "Go shut your face." I'd be like, "Alright, bye!" Yeah, for sure. I can give it, but I cannot take it. I'm excited to hear what she is saying. I want to- I want to learn about yachting from her. I want to learn about- I actually want to ask her- Oh, Lord, you're going to ask her fucking sailboat questions. No, I- Well, no. I mean, I want to learn about the show. I want to learn about yachting versus the show. I want to- You're going to be like, "Do you guys get moths on boats?" I know. Actually, honestly, I do want to ask her a question, which is, how do you- how do you iron sheets- I tried to iron a sheet the other day, because I don't know why. I just decided to add it was like impossible. 'Cause you're you. That's amazing. I was like- It wasn't a full sheet. It was one of those things that goes at the end of the bed to make it look cute. And so it says, like, "Make sure you iron." I was like, "Okay, I'm going to iron it." It's new. I'll see. And I could not fit it on my ironing board. I'm like, "How do they do this on below deck?" That's what I was literally thinking. I don't want to make you feel bad about yourself, because I really love you, but Rocky can do it. That's what I was thinking. How stupid do you feel? That's exactly why I felt stupid, so I need to get some tips from Kate. And by the way, if you have any questions for Kate, you know, you can ask questions on our Patreon and we'll ask them to Kate. Pass them all in. Okay, and then other news- And by the way, I'm sorry- I'm sorry to interrupt. Oh, no, go ahead. Sorry. It's a total requirement. We're tweeting with Peggy from Real Houses of Orange County. She was on for one season. Peggy Tannis. She wants to come on the show. So we're going to try to make that happen as soon as possible, ideally next week. So Peggy- Yeah, I get some Real Housewives. We want to get some stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. Sorry, what were you going to say wrong? Peggy Tannis wasn't her first episode. She was in a bikini at a gun range, shooting like a machine gun with her short husband and pleather pants. Peggy Tannis, love it. I actually really liked her on the show, because she went against Alexa. She was like friends with Alexis, and by the end of the season, she decided she hated Alexa, and she kept going after Jim Bellino, and she was like, "She was calling shit out." And then- She was, what was her main thing at the end of that season? I remember it was funny. I remember she was sitting on a couch surrounded by the women, and she was like, "I don't know if I can be around these women treating me like this." What'd she say? So she had postpartum depression. That was her big shot. Oh, oh. And my mother still has that. In the beginning of the next season, when she wasn't a member, she came on and said her piece, and it's like, "I can't be around these women." And yadda yadda yadda. But well, I would like to get to the bottom of that. But sometimes when you're around a bunch of frustrating people, you can't do that if you have a husband who owns machine guns. So I'm going to pull myself out of this before everybody's dead. OK, thank you. Good to see you. Peggy also hosted an amazing disaster of a dinner party that was probably one of the best episodes of that season. So I'm excited. Yeah, me too. So that should be fun. So we're going to talk to a lot of fun people, and I would like to apologize to Adam from Real Housewives of New York, dude. OK, we talked about your dick pick, and then maybe like two bloggers were like, "Oh, there's a dick pick somewhere, but we haven't seen it." Like, no one cares. And no one cares. Like, no one's even asked, "OK, I talked to Cindy C on the case." Cindy C on the case. I talked to her on the old Facebook last night, and we were talking about the dick pick, and she didn't even ask to see the dick pick. I mean, that's-- I mean, I'm assuming she's already seen it. Well, what I like is this-- Radar Online wrote a whole article, and they were like, there's a major scandal rocking the Real Housewives of New York City, and apparently it's causing a big issue. There's several insiders are saying that there is a dick pick of Adam floating around. I'm like, there are no several insiders. It's us. The picture came to us exclusively. I was like, you couldn't even give us credit. Well, on the person who sent it, which I have to give them credit too, that that's not everywhere. That's pretty good. I mean, OK, like, are we being good people by protecting a dick pick? Are we withholding people who want to see a penis? Or are we just talking about something that nobody even cares about? Nobody cares, right? Everybody has a dick pick. Although I do kind of feel bad for him, because now he has to live with this anxiety of when is this going to get leaked? Because the truth is this, it's going to get leaked. And if it's not by us, we're not going to, but I think it's someone else worried. I mean, it's a filtered shot. Like, he put it through the fucking Instagram filter or whatever. Like, he worked on the picture. It's not like some random snap. Yeah, it's a great bathroom, like, and not home bathroom, like hotel bathroom, beautiful hotel bathroom lighting. You know, it's like a honey field bathroom. A special over your head, like, you're about to sing sunrise sunset. Like, it's really a good one. So I don't think he'll, I think if anything, he'll probably be upset that no one even spread it. We're like, we have a dick pick, but who cares? Everybody has one. Look down. You've got one too, who cares? And, you know, you've got to, as sexually tied up as we are in this country, we've gotten so loose that yesterday we were talking about children, transgender, child transgender kids, and no one even cares about a dick pick. It's like, we're moving so fast. I love it, everybody. Let's all hug with our dicks. Let's just hug the fuck out. So today we're going to talk about the Orange County, Orange County reunion. All right, we'll also talk about Vanderbump rules season four premiere. Yay! And then we will also get involved with some apreski action, which also premiered. We almost forgot about that. Is that how you say it? Apreski. Apreski. Apreski. What were you saying? Apry. Apreski. Like the good ol' apre, and I knew that was wrong, but I just like the good ol' apre, you know, because Mima, the apreski. I'd like thinking of Carrie Underwood coming down a hill, you know, like on her Nintendo DS. I don't know. Okay, so yeah, real house was. Let's start with Orange County, because it's over. So bye. Also, great season. And also a season full of such crazy shit that we've probably talked about to death, but that actually came to an amazing conclusion. I mean, there was a conclusion and a housewives. When does that happen? Mystery solved. Yeah, it was kind of amazing. There was really an arc to this reunion, which I appreciated. Angela Lansbury like came into the middle of that tacky Marriott hotel ballroom on a bike and just passed a bike, because that shit was solved. She was like, "Bye now." That was a spectrum catch of it. How does murder she wrote go? I don't know. What I liked about it is that it sort of sounded like a natari and victory tune. Like you were playing Pitfall and you made it over. Like you made it over. Like the thing of alligators was, "But it's Angela Lansbury on a bike." And they're fishermen's hat. And all the alligators are actually just like Tamra and Heather. And a little swamp thing. And you have to like it's Andy Cohen running on getting onto the line and swing across them. And he runs. And then the next screen, there are like little logs coming, but the logs are actually just like, I don't know, Brianna just rolling into the corner. They're like mozzarella sticks. And Brianna is that alligator at the end of the river just like eating the fit, like eating the things that float down. And I feel like, you know how like in Pitfall, there's like that one swamp that like opens and closes and opens and closes. That's like, I don't know. I don't know. That's like Brooks is like, I would call Tamra the the gaping swamp. Yeah, no, she does. She does like alligator gaping swamp hybrid. Shannon's a little scorpion on the bottom. You know, if you go underground instead, and you run through the caves, there's like a scorpion. You have to jump over. You don't eat the hill. It's like, damn it. Damn it. What are you doing down here? And Shannon's just that that little weird, like bug-eyed owl sitting on the side, like sitting on a branch, watching everything going down and judging it deeply. Like, oh wow, they fell into a Pitfall. Hope that alligator was hungry. Well, here lies Shannon Bador. Just trying to walk through the jungle and falling into a pit of lies made by David. David? David? Oh, I don't know. I don't know how the alligator's in this pit, David. So that's pretty much the next three hours of all lives. I'm just kidding. So so good. 40 to 50 crocodiles in my brain. I have to admit that on that podcast, I hadn't watched it because I'm so, I have mushed my brain out so much at this point, that if I don't watch these things right before they happen, I forget they were ever even on TV. I'm like, who's Vicki? What? The little girl from the robot show? Like, I don't, I'll remember things from like 30 years ago. I'm that guy. All time is early on set on purpose with marijuana. All time is stunning. I watched this in the middle of the day yesterday, which was way earlier than usual for me. So it sort of, that feels like it was an eternity ago. Well, we talked about it a little with Heather and you were like, of course, you were telling me before because I lied to her. I was like, of course I watched it, which thank God I hadn't been because I would have been, you think the thing against Carly Fiorina was bad. If I was in that room with her, I would have been, my head would have been all over the wall. I would have exploded. Like, pop. So anyway, I hadn't watched it in my line and I got home and I, it's been a shitty week with like computer stuff and the trash talk TV crash, blah, blah, so I've been like staying up and I'm just so stressed and going crazy. I bravo last night was like a gift from fucking heaven. I mean, real house was followed by Vanderpump rules. Followed followed by opera ski, which opera ski, which no one really seems to love on Facebook. And I don't know if I love it, but I laughed out loud at certain parts of it. So thank you, bravo. You know, you're doing your part, bravo. Yeah, I mean, we'll get to every ski, but I think it has potential, but it also is. It's not, it's not there yet. It's not there yet, but we'll get to that. I don't even think the people who are on the show know what they're doing yet. They're like, why are we here? The show sort of doesn't make any sense. They just cast it for the summer. So everybody's like, well, I'm just here for the summer for the startup thing. And then it's over. It's like, what is this? Like summer camp, like reality TV is, you know, we've always said on the show that reality TV is kind of like the community theater of the entertainment business. It's like, you know, put up some shitty show that's just like a million other shitty shows. It's like, do Fiddler on the Roof 30 times with different fat guys. And you know, whichever one lasts, we'll just keep it on for the next for a couple of weeks, you know? Yeah. It's like, that's, it's one of those shows. Like summer stock dinner theater bravo style. They're like, you've got three months, kids. Make a good show. Bye. Here's $20. It was very strange to me. It was, I know we're getting ahead of ourselves. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Well, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just mention my comment later in the podcast. Everyone, that's something to keep people listening the whole way through. What will Ben say about "Appry Skin"? It'd be like, bands, builds. Bat coat looked like head mods. Oh god, I have the mothball in my closet right now. It's awful. Oh god. Our hot fumey. I'll be extra loopy this episode because I got the mothball fumes in my nose. I'm getting loopy too. When we do those bonus episodes, I'm loopy by this time already. Well, one or two things happens. Sometimes when we emerge from the bonus episode, I am loopy like right now, or I emerge dead to the world. Like unfortunately last week on our three-hour episode, I like did not have the energy. My brain was not in it and I was like, "Oh my god, it's three hours." But today, I am loopy. I have all the music. All right, let's get to this reunion. Our hot. Real as well as the wound's canon. I had to write and I haven't had a chance to do it, but I wrote Vine in really big letters. Shannon's shocked luck, dying. I just want to have that. I don't even need to put it on Vine, but I want like a little gift of Shannon just making her shocked look like about this week. And just use it for everything. Anybody, anybody says on the internet? I just want to post that back at them. Yeah. And then I have the authority sound. Every time I get shocked. So let's see. Brianna still, oh, so when we open, Brianna still has that pissed off face because she's just watched some Brooks testimony and cursed out a TV screen. So they cut back to her in Shannon's dress. Really mad. And I just started laughing. I was like, it's going to be a good night. And then Vicki officially, okay. So Brianna, she's still talking about why she's mad at Brooks. And she's like, well, yeah, you know, mom, like you don't believe certain things like when he hit on me when I was pregnant. And it's like trying to fuck my baby's face. Like if he had actually had sex with me, he was trying to fuck the baby's face. It's like, okay, Brianna, calm down. Like we get it. Like he made a sexual comment at you on Christmas, but I'm trying to, I'm starting to think maybe she's just fighting a little too hard. And that's why Vicki never believes her because it's like, he hit on me. He probably said, yeah, you know, they call me Garth Brooks. And she's like, oh my God, he's totally hitting on me. Well, I think, I know, I see what you're saying. And the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. But I think what can be agreed upon no matter what is that whatever he said was probably pretty inappropriate. Whether he was actually hitting on her or not, it's like, you don't say that to your lady's daughter. Well, of course, but then later in the episode, Brianna's like, well, yeah, me and my mom are doing great now because she's not calling me a fucking bitch all the time. So I mean, that's the kind of family we're talking about. I don't think, I don't know that you're almost step-dad date or whatever talking about as Vick is really that crazy in Orange County. Calm me crazy, but I've seen a lot of this show. Yeah, yeah. So they were talking about the Brooks stuff. And then Andy asked a question about why did Eddie cough bullshit? This year on the Real Housewives of Orange County, there was a mystery and the ladies were just curious. Wacky curious mystery. It's like, who stole the cookies? It's like cancer. So I, so, you know, what was funny, correct me if I'm wrong, because again, I saw this 24 hours ago. So that means half my details of escaping. But when they asked us, you know, Tamara said, well, at that point, there'd been, you know, it seemed strange because he was supposed to be, he looked pretty healthy for someone doing chemo, whatever. And then I think it was Heather who jumped in and questioned Brooks's credibility because at that point, we then got a reference to when Brooks was dating the porn star. Remember that? We got, then we got a flashback, which made me so happy because we went back about two or three faces ago, which is what we call the seasons of this show. Face 10. No, if this is face seven, it was that, it was that scene when Laurie tells Vicki and like the, at like the bridal shop, while Gretchen, Gretchen was on about face three at that point. So Laurie is like, oh, by the way, I think Brooks is dating my daughter's friend and she's like a hooker. Remember? Yes. For some reason that flashback made me so I was laughing because if you think about it, because the way Heather tells her story is so funny. She came on this like just ready to scream at Vicki and it was so good because she was like momming her the whole time. And she's like, but don't you remember in that when we were shopping in that wedding store for Tamara's, it was Tamara's dress, right? For Tamara's wedding dress. And we were talking about Brooks dating a porn star. I'm like, okay. So during Tamara's wedding shopping, you were talking about people fucking porn stars. Then when Tamara was getting married to Jesus, you were talking about, Tamara announced her married to Jesus party at a party about fucking. It's like, what is the deal with mixing Jesus and fucking on this show? It's like, they're mixing weddings with just like porn star fucking like all this. It's like, that's a new trend. It's the weirdest trend. It's like, let's buy a gift for a wedding and talk about who's boning a porn star. Yeah, I think what else they have to do. But you know, the thing is actually, that was a good point, Ray, by Heather, bracing that about the porn star, because you know, Brooks, I mean, obviously, we know that Brooks is shady and he's totally questionable. But we forgot that that's a great piece of evidence against him about the time when he was totally screwing a girl, the age of Lori's daughter, and who was like, maybe a stripper, maybe a porn star, maybe a call girl. No one was really sure. And I think that like Vicki was like, oh, she was actually a poker, high stakes poker waitress. And like, why, who cares, Vicki? She was a poker waitress. Like she was an important, she was a poker waitress. It's not like she was laying on a buffet with fish all over her. No, no, she wasn't. Listen, no, she was just a hooters waitress. You know, her name is Zola, you know, and she likes going to Florida. She's like a totally normal lady. And Brooks is like, well, damn women. It's like they want to be in the workforce. And then people get mad at me when I hire a woman. You can't have it both ways, ladies fuck off. So then Tamara starts telling a story and she goes, well, you know, a couple of years ago when Heather was doing a show in Hawaii, and I practically expected Heather to jump out of her seat and pull up IMDB and be like, remember this show Hawaii, Hawaii 5-0. I was star on it. Remember, remember? Thank you, Tamara, for mentioning that. Yes, great memory. Have I talked about my makeup yet? Oh, what a long day. I got hit in the face, yeah, the face. Oh, geez. She's like, I remember on that show when I had to solve the murder of Reba McIntyre. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. That was Malibu country. Reba was a Malibu country, which I also started on. And I was asked to have a role and not, you know, just ask to do like a part, read a part. That's why she doesn't go off about it, because you see how it sounds. She probably tried that at a dinner party once. I was like, yeah, I shouldn't do that anymore. Just say Reba and move on. All right, I'll pray to bring some water. Yeah, wait, so this was, so actually, so Tamara told tells a really interesting story. Good. This is a good juicy story. Oh, yeah, yeah. Do it, do it, do it. So it was, so basically a few years ago, when they were in Hawaii, which was, was that the beginning of, was that beginning of last season or maybe two seasons ago? They're in Hawaii. It was a while ago. We all remember the season that opened in Hawaii. And Brooks called up Vicki and was like, oh, I think I got the cancer. I think I got cancer. I'm going to go get some tests to find out, you know. And so Vicki is like freaking out. She's freaking out on the plane the whole way home. Tamara's like, understandably. We were in the plane. She was freaking out batch, like crying the whole time. I'm like, oh my God. Like, I don't know. It was like Mary batch being, being stuck with fucking Vicki. You know, it's like Southwest airline. I've been on a plane with Vicki boarding room. See, you know that she's just stuck on that fucking plane making like going nuts, going crazy, making everybody's cancer about herself. Go losing her fucking mind on the plane, you know. I have been on a transatlantic flight with Vicki and waited with her at baggage claims. I think I've told that before, right? No, but it's already a good story. Well, unfortunately it's not a story because this was in 2007. And it was probably about like four months before I actually started watching The Real House. I started watching The Real House while I had season three. I watched a little bit of season one and season two. So I recognized her, but I didn't have any. If I had watched the show, I'd been like, "Oh my God, oh my God." I would have been standing near her and everything. But she went on this big trip with a bunch of women and we were so pretentious, but we all were going to Paris. And so I was in Charles de Gaulle airport, baggage claim, like on very little sleep, standing next to Vicki. And she had a shirt on that set in bedazzled. I think it said Prada. And I remember being like, "This is so bizarre." But I did not get to hearing that. That's just a classic Ben Mandelker name dropy story. There's no arc to it. There's nothing to it. She was probably just wearing a shirt that said Prada so that she would know Spanish when everyone would think she would know Spanish when she goes to the on delays in Paris. It's all the same one, one county woman. So anyway, so the point of the story is that Vicki is freaking out on the airplane, understandably. Or even before the airplane, because Brooks won't call her back. He will not take her call. She's freaking out. They finally land and he's like, "Call me when he gets to the car. Call me." And then she gets in the car and he's like, "Yeah, it's fine." And it was one of these things where he really strung her along to make her, I don't know why, it was almost like sadistic. Yeah, he does it to get attention. And this whole episode was pretty much this cancer thing. And so there were just all these layers, and well, not really layers, but all these different, every segment was like, "Okay, now's your turn to tell Vicki off about." So good. And Vicki came into this fully rain manning, like, what? What do you, what do you, uh, toothpicks, 563 toothpicks, toothpicks, what? Oh, I don't remember. What? Oh, I'm sorry about that. What? I don't care. Who cares? She gets totally out of it. She gets on taking this stance of, "I don't have proof that he doesn't have cancer." That was the thing. She's like, "I don't have proof, so I'm not going to say he doesn't have cancer." Which I guess maybe from a legal standpoint, well, you can't prove something that's not there. Well, what the hell? It's like proving a negative. I mean, come on. Who's cancel Pat? I don't know where I put that. Oh, that's for later. Questions from viewers. So, oh wait, I wanted to say something about this tamar thing. I'm sorry, just saw it in my notes. So this was also a glaring, and no one pays attention. Well, they probably do. I do. But this is also a glaring admission of Tamara starting this entire cancer thing, by the way. When they were on the phone and Tamara's acting all shocked and Eddie's coughing bullshit. Like, this has been going on for so long and the whole town new is bullshit. And Tamara went into the season, totally ready to bring it out. But as we know, Eddie will not follow Tamara's subtle clues. It's like the cameras are here and you have to speak a certain way. I talk about it. Jesus, every day, honey, remember? He's like, "You're a Christian? What?" "You're coming out as a Christian with a black dildo tied around your waist at a party that we're getting donated. What are you talking about? Could you have told me this at breakfast?" Well, actually Tamara did have a pretty big bombshell, which actually, this one surprised me to tell you the truth. Tamara said that her very first season that she was on the show, which was the first season that I watched, call back to five seconds ago. She -- I'm sorry to talk to people. It's the coffee. I just fell on the swamp. It's short, long, long form, everybody. It's a new improv style. Yeah, I know. Then it's taking on the improv craze by blending short long. It's called short long form. Short long form. So anyway, Tamara says that on her first season, which is years ago, season three, seven years ago, that she and Vicky bonded right away. And right away, Vicky informed her that she's been talking to a guy outside of her marriage and that she has a really special bond with him and that it looks like he has cancer. And she's like, "I think I'm going to leave Don, because this guy is so special to me, and I don't want to lose this guy, and I don't want to waste any time that I don't have -- blah, blah, blah, blah." Why is sitting there living room with Don when he's calling me a dumb bitch about my new pillows and not keeping my pillows left? When I could be fucking a guy with cancer, he was not going to be around that long to take all my money. What are you trying to stop? And also, that came out in the news and stuff that she had been cheating on Don, and she had been having an affair with Brooks, and it's been this whole thing that she's been lying about for years. Right, but what to me was interesting was that this person that Vicki was talking about with the cancer not only was it Brooks, but Brooks told her then that he had pancreatic cancer, which then we learned from Brianna to be pancreatitis. It was just -- to me, I was like, "Whoa!" That those two stories about the pancreatic cancer and the pancreatitis were actually linked in this way, and then it went as far back as that. So I was like, "Wow." Well, look, to be fair, Tamara didn't say pancreatic cancer. She said pancreatic cancer, which could be a totally different thing. She's like, "I remember when Brooks first told us about pain, pain cancer." I'm like, "Oh, Tamara, just stop. Just don't try it. Just write things down on a board. Have someone write it down on a board and just point at it when you need it, okay? "Pastor, have your fail words right there." So is this what happens when you decide to become super Christian in Orange County? Because Alexis Bellino was no master of the words herself. So I guess once you decide to become super Christian, you just can't say things properly. Yeah, it's why you just believe what anybody tells you is in the Bible. You're like, "Yeah, but the Earth is five years old. Someone wrote it one time on a board." We have a question from Patreon. Oh, Patreon. One of our patrons, if you donate at the $5 level, you get to ask a question that we'll read on the air. This one comes from Farah Winston, and she asks, "It seems like Brooks bit off more than he could chew pretending like he had cancer. What disease should Brooks have faked instead?" Oh, that would have gotten away with. Well, Lyme seems to be pretty dependable. Lyme, let's see. I really do think that postpartum depression can be chronic, because my mom still has it. So that could be chronic, but he didn't have a baby. But in his mind, he could have. Maybe he could have said he had a terrible... It was really terrible. What if he just jumped on the transmitter crate? That's what he should have done. He's picking the wrong thing. Everybody has cancer now, you know? It's like, what about Crohn's? He should have just taken some diuretics and be like, "I got the Crohn's." "I got the Crohn's." But he's talking to a bunch of Crohn's. No one would have pity. Yeah, that's true. They'd be like, "Oh, we want Crohn's." Yeah, he jumped on the wrong thing. He should have just said he was going to identify as an elephant or something crazy, so they would have to be nice, you know? Yeah, maybe cancer was too big. Too big, it was what do you call it? The White Whale. Well, especially when you don't even know what pancreatic cancer does, he's like, "Well, you know, my knees finally feel better." What is happening? What are you talking about? Whenever they ask them about it, they'd be like, "Well, my ears did get a little bit bigger with the chemo, but otherwise, my breast smell's good." What do you know what cancer is? A sense of smell is back, so guess what? I can go find truffles again. Is that a skunk or a smell of health? I don't know. You tell me. And honestly, if you've got to switch it up, you'd fake the cancer a few times now. You could try anything else, anything. Bronchitis. Even the flu, people would be sympathetic, but it just can't last forever. It has to be something that people can't research as easily, like Ebola or the bird flu. Like maybe you've got the bird flu and the fever won't go away. It has to be something like real and a man, something that we can get or a meth addiction, which is probably what you really have. Like we'd really feel for you if you had something real. I've picked any of these picks. Go get something, darling. I mean, there's rusty nails everywhere. Step on one, get something real and call us. We'll feel bad for you, but at least have the balls to get a real disease. All right. In fact, yourself, if you want the pity, don't just fake it. If you want a disease, go get a disease, and we'll all feel bad for you the proper way. Like, no need to make us all feel like an asshole. Yeah, I agree. There are just so many options out there. Cancer is just, you can't, you just can't do the cancer when you have people like Shannon Medore on the case, or Megan King Edmonds. How could you treat me like that at a party when Leanne died? I had just written her name on the back of a dresser. It's like really your stop, please stop it. Please stop with your weird fake tears about someone else's ex-wife. Stop it. You're making me crazy with this already. I'm not saying she shouldn't be sad. I'm just saying, stop. You know, he's using fake cancer as his cause, and she's using like, it's too much, it's too much. Yeah, and this is a great time to mention on our Facebook page, H. Lee Hamilton posted on our page something from Reddit, from user C. Cerulean. So Brooks showed his chemotherapy bill. I guess was it on when Andy was questioning him? I don't remember, but so this is internet justice at its best. Brooks shows a chemotherapy bill, and then someone, this Reddit user, did a Google image search for chemotherapy bill. And the first thing that popped up was something identical to Brooks. Brooks basically copied and pasted something he found, the very first Google image search. I mean, I love by the way that, I love this sleuthing. I mean, we have, you know, making admins is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to justice and knowledge seekers, because, I mean, this guy is so shady. He is so bad, and he's not even good about it. I mean, it's almost like good people, like, don't fake cancer. It's just, it's like intelligent people don't fake cancer. Or something, like you'd think. Or if you're going to fake cancer, why don't you take that extra step to, like, shave your head and, like, wax your head to make people think you've lost you? Like, they're just some simple things you could do, you know? You don't go spray tan and then, like, so drunk to shooting to pretend that you're having cancer or whatever. Yeah, it's just not the time. It's not the time to, like, get a personal trainer, you know what I mean? You got a, like, girl, I know who faked cancer. Can't, she's like, just finished chemo. And she, well, maybe I should, I'm sure she's not listening to this. But then she's, like, a bodybuilder. She becomes a bodybuilder. And she's, like, this crazy bodybuilder, but saying she's just come out of chemo, and it's like, what? Wait a second. Wait a second. You're humongous. Like, what if you, it's just, things just don't add it. I'm not talking, like, someone who works out and stays healthy. I'm talking those, like, covers of magazines, bronzed, vainy, terminator-looking people, you know? Yeah, it's just so two nuts. Two nuts, people are two nuts. And you know what? There's nothing you can do about people's craziness, except laugh. Because it just gets so funny. And when you feel like you're being judgmental and you're a jerk, it's probably because you're right. Because we are judgmental jerks, and we were right. He's been faking it this whole fucking time. And we were also right that Vicki knew. And also right that she's going to use this as an abuse storyline. These bitches are just so fucking predictable. I can't and still love it. So, okay, so Brooks, so Andy, we're back to another, more of the Brooks interview. And Andy's talking to him. And Brooks says that, you know, he's been in treatment for 11 months. He's been on chemo and heelistics. And guess what? His lesions are gone, which, of course, made all the women just be like, "Oh, of course, of course." Just as they operated, like, "Oh, guess what? Like, it's gone." Yay. Clear a sale. Clear a sale. Clear a sale, did it. You know, at the end of the day, a little witch hazel on a little cotton round just right over your face. You know, maybe he's a little sugar if you got a packet lying around. You look smooth. He's smooth as health. So then Andy asks, "Why didn't Brooks see Shannon's doctor, this very famous notable doctorate city of hope?" And his response is, "Well, she's not the only one who has world-renowned doctors." I'm like, "What sort of response is that?" And he said it in that way, like, "Well, she's not the only one with world-renowned doctors. Oh, really? You've got, like, world-renowned doctors lining up outside your rental trailer? Get the fuck out of here. How many world-renowned doctors did you meet this week, you idiot?" I know. You said, that's not even an answer. It wasn't even like, "Oh, I didn't ask." Because it's like, you know, to Megan's credit, she has a point. Like, if you have cancer, you know, for the most part, if you are, you know, unless you're like, you know, a senior citizen, you're like, "You know what? Take me now." But if you're Brooks's age and you're, like, fighting for your life, you don't just cherry-pick, like, "Well, you know, he has a good doctor thing, but I'll do that." I think you see everyone, right? You see everyone under the sun, and I would. He doesn't even... He's not like a crazy Jewish person. I mean, he's just such a fucking liar. He's got himself in things where he just figured no one would question cancer, and he never just... He just never came up with the lies. I mean, he's so stupid. And even now, when he's doing all of these interviews, he still doesn't come up with lies. His answers are like, "Well, huh, well, we all got world-renan doctors, so there you go." It's like, that's not really an answer. Or his answers are like, "Well, fuck you then, the answer." And Andy was so funny because, like, he's used to, like, ripping people's lives to shreds, and then, like, laughing as they glo... The embers glow on the floor of terrible, merry-out ballrooms, okay? He's not gonna, like, suddenly start worrying about you because of your fake cancer. And Brooks was so pissed to Andy the whole time. I was dying, and Andy just kept his normal. Well, that seemed like a weird answer. Are you angry? It was actually, yeah, it wasn't me. I loved one Andy. It was so good. But it's like, first of all, you seem confused. And he's like, "Yeah, kind of." Well, because then Brooks explains about the Newport imaging. If Newport imaging doesn't do this stuff, then why does he have it? He's like, "Well, you see, I went to Hogue, but my oncologist works at both Hogue and Newport imaging, so I got to scan at Hogue." And then he dictated it through Newport imaging, and that's why it looks like that. And of course, you worked at the back of that video. And I parked at the TJ Maxx in the back, and they made me manager. And I got a couple of weeks off because I had cancer. Who's gonna make a manager pick clothes up off the floor? That's what I ask you. And he's like, "Wait a second." And he's like, "Did you really go to Hogue?" He's like, "No, I went to Hoguey King and he got a sandwich all right. You got me." He's like, "No, but I watched "Driving Miss Daisy," and I think that's the chauffeur's name. So just used it. I didn't even know that was a hospital. I was just trying to say I called the newber. This has been a giant misunderstanding, because Vicki's a liar. And then I think Andy at this point asks about, "Well, you've had a bunch of cancer scares in the past. What's going on with that?" And Brooks is like, "Well, you see, the first time I had something on my nose, and I thought I had nose cancer so I was breaking up with this girl." And I said, "Oh, yeah, and on top of everything else, I think I have nose cancer." And so then she went and told everyone, and then I called her back. I was like, "No, don't have nose cancer. I just thought I did." And I was like, "No, no, no, she made into a big deal." And then my other, my other girl, Lynn, she's my baby mama, if you will. I'm like, "Don't do that, Brooks." She's like, and then she was just, you know, they decided to get together, and then they'd team up with another one. You know how women are? They get together, and before you know it, you're accused of terrorism and sitting in the cell somewhere. No one knows your name. Those damn women, you know, now that the blog has given women free speech, the whole world's done. Get ready, men, they're coming for you. Get ready. They're going to fix your teeth and then make it look like a fool after. You're just going to stand there like a fool with teeth. Is that what you want? Brooks, please be quiet, Brooks. His answers for everything. He actually, Andy asked him at one point, "So Brooks, I guess what's confusing is like, why don't you, why don't you ever see a real doctor? What about the records?" and Brooks goes, "Whatever." Yeah, and then he gets real snippy, and he's like, "Well, what about the, he's like, what about the pancreatitis?" And so Brooks grabs water, which he does a million times. I mean, he could not have looked at you, his upper lip is curling. He's trying to give a southern charm. He cannot stop his upper lip from curling and anger, because it's another lie. And I never talk to Brianna directly about my cancer. She got that information from Vicki, you got it wrong. Get that? Vicki's a liar. You better take a seat, Mr. Brooks. I never said anything to her. I said it to my dick, and Girth told her. And then she got all upset and blamed me. And I'm sick of Girth getting me in trouble. Listen, I don't make the $10 an hour he does shooting jizzing people's face, and I shouldn't have to take the trouble for it neither. Mom, Brooks, and I like when Andy said it. So what are the treatments that you've, he's like, "So, Brooks, I'm kind of confused." So you did get treatment, just not at, just not at Newport imaging. And he's like, "No, I went to Olin Mills, and besides getting a lovely picture of myself and my spray tan, I also got some chemo." You know, the normal rans and things, chemo, queso, chemo. A lot of things that were holistic. Yeah. My numbers are normalized, and you know how it is. Every day we look at my numbers, and they're starting to look pretty. It's like, what are you talking? It's like the stock market. He's like, "Well, the numbers are up today. Those cancers are sure going crazy today. No bread for me." Please, please just stop pretending. I know, he's ridiculous. So then I believe we came back, the reunion, and... Oh, wait, one more thing. Oh, yeah, go ahead. This is a person who obviously didn't have a TV in their trailer, because everybody's seen house. Like, for Christ's sake, man, copy a disease off of house. Okay, that's all. So then there was more discussion. I think, like, well, Vicki, did you... Was he seeing anyone with like a doctor? They're talking about doctors. And Vicki says that Brooks was seeing Dr. Vandermoon, which already started to make me laugh. That was Dr. Vandermoon out there. And then Heather gets mad. She goes, "You know what? He never saw Dr. Vandermoon. You know, wonder how I know? Because he lives down the street from me." Like, I love this Vandermoon controversy. And I like that Dr. Vandermoon is like gossiping about who he's seeing, too. And he's also just like a famous Dr. Moon, who's like, "Fuck the Vanderpump." That's so cute. He's like, "I don't know your disease, but let us figure something out new, my darling." But by the way, another great... As you mentioned before, this whole episode of people's chipping away at Vicki. And it's like, here's Heather. It's like, nope, that's a lie. And I can tell you, because I spoke to him, and he's never talked to you. He's never seen, you know, Brooks once. - And Heather kept talking to her like she does that way when people are five. She's like, "Look, I'm going to explain this to you in a way that your five-year-old tits can understand, okay? We don't believe Brooks has cancer, because people with cancer die, and Brooks is not dead. Okay, do you understand?" Because like, "Okay, I'm sorry. You know, I'm sorry." - And then they were showing those clips. Every time they showed a clips of Brooks, Vicki was going, "Oh, I'm just disgusted. This is disgusting that he would be." - Like, "Oh, yeah, it's such a huge shock that he's disgusting. Like, give me a break." He wasn't disgusting when you guys were both cheating on your fucking spouses and fucking each other. That wasn't disgusting. Like, why is it disgusting now? And I'm sorry about I stand by. I know that it's totally hair-brained. But after watching this, it solidifies in my mind that this is Vicki's fucking idea in the first place. - Because I don't believe for one second that she didn't know and that she didn't try and use this for everything she can. She's speaking out for detox for Christ's sake woman. - I don't think, I actually don't think it was her idea, but I do think that she turned a blind eye towards it. She probably knew at a certain point, probably at first she was like, "Oh, no, he has cancer." Then she probably was like, "Something is fishier." But I think she would just put her head in the sand, which is why I'm just getting ahead of ourselves a little bit, which is why she didn't go in to see him do chemo. I think she wanted to have plausible deniability, 'cause I think she wanted people to... I think she saw it as a chance for people to be sympathetic towards him and maybe be nice. - Well, she said straight up. - She said straight up that that's what she did it for, because she got a got to the point where she said... Wait, hold on, he said, Brooks said to Andy, "I never said nothing to Brianna Vicki to hold her on. You get that, yeah. People think you lie about cancer for sympathy." And then later in the episode, after saying, "I'm so glad it's over after this segment." Vicki does say straight up. Well, yes, I thought he was lying, but I just told you these lies because... I knew I was lying about the Terry call and all of this stuff, but I was just telling you that, 'cause I wanted to have some sympathy for him. It's like, "Oh my God, thank you for just proving everything." And it's like, does she not know what she's saying? I don't know if she just got dragged into it and muttered it out, didn't know. But what I'm saying is slightly different, which is that. Well, in that, she was saying specifically about the Terry story, she was like, "Yeah, I fabricated that because I wanted some compassion, because people were not being nice to him." And I think in that case, she specifically lied because she felt like... She just wanted people to stop ganging up on him and just feel bad for him. But I think that overall though, it's not so much that she knew concretely. She wasn't actively creating this whole lie, but I think she wasn't fighting against it. I think she was like, "You know what? Something's not adding up here, but I don't... I just want to have plausible deniability when it all shakes out." That's a vibe that I get. Well, I would kind of be with you. Like a mob wife, like a mob wife, you know? Yeah, I would kind of be with you, except that she has lied so much and she lies about everything, and then even lies in the same sentence and even when they're calling her out on lying, she's lying again and then admitting to just lying right now. It's like she's lying so much. I don't believe her. And also when she said, she knew that Brooks had cancer on the plane, right? And then he didn't have cancer, and then he got cancer again, and he wouldn't show you the records. And your excuse is, "Oh, well, you know, I work. I'm very busy. You know, I'm very smart. You know, I am very smart, and I'm busy. And so we live in the same house. So what am I supposed to say? You know, just say, "Oh, give me your results, because we live in the same house." I mean, you know, we're just roommates. Like, you don't have to share your-- I'm like, "No, bitch." No one is suggesting that it's like, it's your turn to buy the paper towels and show me your cancer receipts. No, that's like, stop pretending you don't know what's going on. And then her turning this into abuse suddenly, like within three weeks, now it's abuse. And then Brianna, I don't trust her either, because Brianna is making too much of a big deal out of it and saying like he's beating her. It's like, "Oh, come on. We're getting ahead of the whole episode, though." So, getting back to where we were in the episode. So there's all this stuff happening. Dr. Van de Moon and all that stuff. And then-- It's a non-cologist. Why would you go to a non-cologist? She was waiting to use that line. I know, she had that one written down. She's like, "So excited." She's like, "Like a professional, I have a rubber band on my wrist. So if I forget to say that line, I'll snap myself and then I'll remember it. The rain has made me into play." Oh, wait, one more thing. Vicki goes. Vicki goes, "Hey, you know, the doctor would have testified, but he didn't want to go on camera." And Heather said, "That's why she knows. Here's why I know that's a lie, because there is not a doctor in Orange County. He doesn't want to go on camera." So cut the shit, Vicki. Yeah. So then, because Meghan had not made this about herself in a while, she then jumps in. She's like, "You have the audacity to yell at me, and he was faking cancer, and you knew it. You yelled at me." I'm like, "Okay, Meghan." When I came on this show, I thought I had an ally in cancer, and you were mean to me. An ally in cancer, really. She's like, "I thought we were going to totally be best friends, because you know cancer." You know, like two people who know people who have cancer, like they're just naturally friends. Like, don't you watch a nature channel? Like, what are you talking about? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. We have an ally in cancer, because we're both not fighting cancer. Wow, way to go. Hey, I really like watching commercials about mattresses, and you do too. Oh my god, let's get married. She's also naive to think that if you have like the blockbuster cancer storyline, and someone else comes in and is like, "Hey, I've got the blockbuster storyline too, that you're going to be allies?" No, you guys are competing for who has the best cancer storyline for her like sympathy. I thought my cancer was going to get the 11 o'clock number, and here we are talking about your cancer. So, my favorite part then was then Shannon now enters the ring, and this is like, it was like the my cousin Vinny moment, where she pulls out the papers, and she's like, "Let the court know." And she's like, "I've had many CAT scans and Newport imaging, and they don't look like that." And so then she pulls out her own PET scan document, and she's like, "This is the template. This is the template they've been using, David." "David." "Dude, here's a template with your measure system, David." I went there yesterday. I was just there yesterday, because I thought, "Well, you know, it's on my mind, so I'm going to Newport. I'm going!" "I had a tangerine. I thought, time for a PET scan. Make sure everything's..." Well, you know, I've had a lot of colonoscopies recently, and I want to just make sure colonics, I want to make sure there's nothing else up there. So, you know, there was a people magazine on the seat in the waiting room, and it's inside of me right now. I'm reading about Ken Ben and Kate's possible re-getting back together. "Well, you know how if you go into certain bars, how you can buy a mug and they keep the mug there for you, and every time you get a drink, you can pour up that mug. Well, it's sort of like the same thing there, except I have my own PET scan machine at Newport Machine." It's called "The Shannabe Door." It's like that Instagram machine we saw at Heather's studio. So, these people were like bringing her Instagram machine for parties or whatever. I guess she's going to plug it on her show, you know, and people do that. And I was thinking of those photos and stuff, but it's just like for whatever illness you want. "Thanks for coming to my birthday. Okay, it says you have cancer. Have a fun week, party favors." "Let's all get our scans." And he's like, "What? I scanned my PET. It's very important to do to make sure they haven't eaten a Diet Coke can or something. Those things can ruin their insides." Well, I just loved how Shannon pulls out this thing. And then she's guiding everyone. Like, she was totally doing the courtroom scene for Michael. I mean, she really was. She's pointing, she's like, "Over here on the left, this is where they put their name." And on the right, they put their invoice number there. And Brooks had neither of those things. And on top of that, Hogue is a huge institution. And they would never, ever, ever let those sort of typos go through. They would never do that. They got approved by radiologists and whatever. And it was like laughing. Hogue has never driven an old lady anywhere. That is a patent lie. And furthermore, I called the lady who transcribed it. And she told me that when they transcribed, it is double-checked, triple-checked, quadruple-checked, check-checked. I have a list of all the times that's been checked. And nowhere does it say they would allow a word that's 175 letters long! Nowhere! And the tire treads on this photo do not match your viewing. Where's the payphone? If I had a payphone, I'd call cancer and say, "Cancer, brace your payphone." Andy, I would like you to know that I drove from Hogue to Newport Imaging. And it took me 15 minutes with rush hour traffic. And there's absolutely no way that Brooks is on college. I just forget from Hogue to Newport Imaging in eight minutes to do the dictation. I was like, "Well, I have a helicopter that a friend has. So I borrowed my friend's helicopter and I was thinking about Brooks having cancer. And I forgot what I was saying, but my friend has a helicopter. That's all." Thanks, Heather. Thanks for coming. Yeah. Let me explain why Shannon feels this way. Because she called an on-call agent. Thank you for the narration, Heather. She was like, "Okay, for all the people who don't understand what's going on, a person who transcribes things writes them down." And Tamara's like, "Bro, spat, she does that." So then we go back to for some more Brooks. And there's more contradictions that Andy's calling on. And Andy's like, "Why so many contradictions?" And he's like, "You have to ask Vicki." I'm like, total deflection once again. And then of course, the biggest moment was when he says, "Well, hey, do you have anything to say to Meghan?" He goes, "Fuck off." And Andy just goes, "That's concise." Andy's like, "You're never going to get a book deal with an answer like that. You need to make that into 10 chapters." This whole, "You want to know the truth?" He was sick. That's the truth. So I took him to, he got sick. Wait, what were they saying? She's like, "This is a scene right after that, I think." Wait, there's one, okay. But there's one other thing that, the last thing in the Brooks interview, I'll say it, and then we get to what you're saying. Oh, no, sorry. It's skipping over. Oh, the Terry story. Oh, the Terry story. Andy was like, he said that Brooks should reach out to Terry. And Bruce is like, "Okay." Well, first he's like, "Well, why don't you reach out to Terry?" He's like, "I should've." And then Andy's like, "Well, you still can." And he's like, "Okay, I'll reach out to him." And he just gives Andy such, like, you're not going to go along. Why aren't you down with this story, bro? Like, why are you poking holes at my sword? Like, what the fuck are you doing to me, Andy? Like, I'm giving you good... Why are you doing this to me, bro? He also showed, like, his evil undercurrent. Because Brooks has really done a good job at staying calm through all this. I mean, of course he's lying and he's a pig and he's disgusting and blah, blah, blah. But for the most part, he's really kept up his used car salesman slash greeting card writer, Stick. And he has not lost it. And we really saw that mean undercurrent in him this time. He was just mean and it was so good. Yeah, and I have to say, and I don't want to jump ahead. But like, when we get to all the Brooks' abusive or whatever, like, I might, you know, I might have been like, "Well, whatever." But like, when you saw that evil side of him, I believe that he's verbally abusive. Absolutely now. Yeah. Well, so was Vicki. Vicki calls her daughter a fucking bitch and probably screams at people like crazy. Can you imagine being around Vicki? She's a father, you said. They're probably too crazy abusive assholes. They probably smacked each other around, called each other, names cheated on each other. Like, they're probably awful. It's Vicki and Brooks for Christ's sake. Like, gross. And they, oh, this whole thing-- Let's not forget by the way that they were involved in some crazy lawsuit but because of the stuff they well show. You know, like, you know, the business that they're trying to steal from the-- Oh, yeah. It's been some good shit with Vicki. And so Vicki has learned to just shut up or take Xanax, whatever. But whatever's working for her. But this whole thing-- I keep skipping not to try and rush but because they talk about the same thing over and over. And I keep thinking we've already talked about it but we haven't. But even though we haven't. But I liked that Shannon was being so upset with everything. But her legs were crossed and she was giving this really snooty look. And her spanks were like totally hanging out. And I just thought, come on. I can't-- like, we all wear them. But I cannot take you seriously. I can't take your anger seriously when your spanks are showing. Like, stop. And then this is leading into something I swear to God, not just spanks. The filming of the doctor. Okay, so then it's past that now. And now they're like, oh, wait. You were in City of Hope because Vicki goes into this whole thing about how Brooks was really sick and vomiting one day. And so that's why she said, I'm going to call Terry because he's a doctor. You know, I mean, he gave me part of Gretchen's chin. So, you know, let's call him, let's call him. And Brooks is like, no, no, no doctors, no doctors. So she's like, okay, well, but then I guess I wanted to call him so bad that it felt like I did call him. And so then in my mind, I just-- maybe I just said I called him because I thought I did. And Shannon's like, no, you said that you were worried and you called him and that they came by with an IV and stuck it in Brooks's ear. But that sounded weird, but I trusted you because we're friends. And it just went-- it just gets worse and worse. Like, her lies. And then she's like, I had to take him to the ER. And so he went in there. And you know, while they were fixing his stomach, they fixed his chemo or whatever. And he came out with chips on his mouth. But while I was waiting, I wanted to go in there, but they wouldn't let me. Because you know, City of Hope doesn't film. And everybody in there is like, we've shot scenes at City of Hope. Yeah. Like everybody's shot at City of Hope, which is just so hilarious. You can imagine just those poor fucking like kids who were trying to be entertained by the terrible clowns. Like finally getting smiles on their faces when these idiots walk past, you know, like, what's wrong with them? Where are they here? And what happened to their faces, Mommy? Yeah. No, I mean, Vicki, everything was falling apart at this point. This is when Vicki admitted that she fabricated the Terry story. This is when she said, well, she didn't actually wash the chemo, but she was in the waiting room doing works. And she never poked her head in. And all this stuff. And the camera is like, well, everybody goes in to watch Keema batch. Like they have family rooms. Sort of like you like go and you're like, watch Keema together. I'm like, can I open up a new place called cut chemo? Because, you know, like sometimes you want to do your spin class, why you're watching your kid get came out. It's like, what are you talking about? What is this family? She's making it sound like this big chucky cheese where people are playing ski ball, getting chemo, filling up a pitcher of beer. Like, what do you don't even know how to pronounce chemo? Shut up. Yeah, please stop. So then at this point, now the women have, they've brought, they brought Vicky to the place where she's admitted. She's lied about at least one thing. And now they are now they're going on to it. Now they have a new talking point, which is we think Brooks has something on you because you're too smart to be playing this dumb. Like, like he has something on you. He has something on you. That was Heather, totally. And you know what Heather? Good call. And also Heather, you already know what it is. So just tell us because you know all these bitches already know what it is. And they're keeping it in for her. Well, then this is when it segues into that Vicky says she's scared. She's like, well, like... Andy made her, Andy goaded her into it. Andy saving his bacon, his literal bacon right now. He's like, are you scared of Brooks? And Vicky does that like nod thing that she does. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. First she looks confused, like scared of Brooks. And then he's like, are you scared? Are you terrified of Brooks beating your face in? And she's like, oh yeah. And then all the girls are like, oh, he's blackmailing. Oh, he must have been abusive. Oh, this and that. And then Brianna's like, yeah, well he abused you in front of it. He physically abused you in front of me. Really Brianna? If he physically fucking abused you, her in front of you. And you let her stay there. You're full of shit, that did not happen. And shaking some, I mean, look, I'm standing up for Brooks, but I don't like being more dramatic about something like that. Like domestic violence. I'm a little, I have a different take on it than you do. Because Brianna was saying it was physical abuse, and Vicky was like, no, it wasn't. Vicky was actually denying that it was physical abuse. She was just like, oh, we just shook my shoulders. It was fine. And she was like, what? That's crazy. It's not like he was beating the crap out of me in an outhouse. She said something like that. So I don't think it was. I actually don't think of the situation where they were, they were exact, like where Vicky was exact. Brianna was. Brianna. They're all holding her, they're all handing her an abuse storyline. They're handing her a lifeline made out of fake abuse. Well, the shaking in these shoulders is sort of interesting because-- He wasn't shaking a woman. He wasn't shaking a woman. He was shaking a Vicky. We're not talking about abuse against all women or abuse. We're talking about shaking fucking Vicky when she's probably going crazy at you and screaming about how she did not have sex with multiple partners. But for real, it does raise, you know, this is where it's sort of interesting because some people may think shaking is just like, oh my god, just like shaking some sense to someone, other people see that as abuse. So who knows where it is? But the point is they had a shitty relationship and that's for sure. And I do think that he is manipulative. Vicky is no innocent person in this, but Brooks actually seems-- Vicky's worse. Vicky's worse because she's not only not innocent. She's obviously complicit in all of it. I think this is worse. So, oh no, Vicky's worse. It's okay, look, if you pass like some crazy meth head on the street, right, you're passing him on the street. You know, he's just going to steal from you live, but you're horny. So you bring him home and then you bring him into your entire family's life and you bring him around your kids and you fucking ruin everything and then start lying and spreading all these things in favor of him. That's your fault. Like, I'm not going to-- in Bonnie and Clyde, I'm not going to feel bad for Bonnie. Like, fuck that-- fuck her. Like, she was with him. I don't think you get like a pass once you've made this decision and you fucked with everybody else and told all these lies, and now suddenly you're going to get some sympathy, no bit, and you're not getting a casserole either. Well, I'm not saying that she should be forgiven for what she did, but I think that-- I think that Brooks is slimer than she is. So either way, so that this is when Vicky was doing this thing about, like, she wants people to come over and be supportive or whatever, and she's like, here we go, I'm Vicky. Here we go, I'm Vicky. Here we go, I'm Vicky. Keep it going, Missy. Keep going, Miss X, 30-year-old. Miss 53-year-old. Miss 30-year-old, 30 years ago. Keep on coming. Keep on, keep on making me do math. So then there was this really funny thing where I guess I played this clip where Tamara said, you're lying and you're going to-- you know, and if you lie, you're going to go to hell. And then-- [LAUGHS] And then-- And then-- The hell fight was good. Are you going-- are you going to hell? And she's like, no, I've been saved. I've been saved. Oh, I've been saved. And then she raises her arm in the air, because that's how Vicky's waiting. It's either a high five or a little underarm jiggle from Jesus. I don't know what she's waiting for, but she keeps raising that underarm flap. Like, something's going to happen. Jesus is shaking his head. But-- He's like, put your arm down, please. And then they were like-- and I think that Andy then asked Tamara, like, well, do you think she's going to hell? And then Megan jumps and is like, well, according to Tamara's statement and everything that's been said today, you're going to hell. And then she's like, I'm not going to hell. I'm not going to hell. I'm not going to hell. I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying that if there's a question on the SAT, that's how it answers, because knowledge is like, shut up, Megan. That hell fight was so fun. I'm not going to hell. Oh, Jesus loves me. I'm going to go to heaven. And Tamara's like, I don't know, because hell batch. She's like, nope, nope, not going to hell. Like, it was an argument about who's going to hell and who's not. Do people really know who's going to hell stop? And Megan's sitting there doing semantics. And all the logic is, if Tamara says the reason to go to hell is because you lie. And because you lie, therefore, you're going to hell. I'm just saying what logic is because knowledge and truth and justice. Who are you going to hang out with in heaven? I mean, Brooks is going to be in hell. Where are you going to get dick? Because Vicki's whole thing is, oh, OK, I did it. Because, you know, I was hurt and I was lonely, you know, being married to dad. You know what I did was puff up, you know, discount pillows and get called a dumb bitch. No, so I just-- OK, I did it for the dick. It's like, that's your admission is that you did it for the dick. Oh, my God, Vicki, please. So then now Shannon starts getting mad at Vicki about, you know, about how Rhonda went and told everyone about the affair, yada, yada, yada, which is ridiculous for Shannon to be so upset. But I love her indignation because no one does indignation like Shannon. She's like, for her to announce in the middle of a baptism of all places. No remorse. No remorse. Love it. Out of baptism. I mean, that's a place we go to almost drowned babies. How dare you, Missy? I may be one. They were at a gastropop. But I mean, baptism. We're already worried about poor Tamara drowning. And then you bring this up, Missy. I mean, first thing I see that, I look at the table. I see all these hors d'oeuvres and nothing. I see nothing but sugar and fat. And that in the middle of all this out of baptism. I mean, this is-- you know what, David? David, just get me out of here. I have one question for that pool. Where's the dragon? Did Jesus never fly anywhere? OK, let's talk about that over some drinks that are specially made by someone David didn't sleep with. Who I hired to work the bar. I mean, I could have-- you know what? I was having a wonderful day, only 30 to 40 negative thoughts. And you brought it right up to 70 to 80. 70 to 80 right there. Do you know how hard I was staring at the clouds before I came in here? Very hard. Another little trend from this-- oh, well, first I have to say. Meghan saying, Vicki going, well, you know, I just continue to lie because I didn't want to look like an idiot, you know? I mean, if he's lying, then I look stupid. And that can go so. You already look like an idiot. She's like, I'm not an idiot. I'm very smart. How dare you? I'm smart. She's like, well, I'm just saying. Like, you may be smart, but you look like an idiot about cancer. She's like, no, how dare you? I'm a cancer smart. I'm cancer smart. Take your back. Oh my god. Now, it's like going from who's going to hell to who's really stupid. And they're like, why did you lie? They're like, Vicki, why'd you lie? And she's like, well, you know what? You have to understand my place. You know, it was a tough-- I was in a tough place, and my mother had just died whenever. Meghan's like, losing your mother doesn't make you lie about other things. That's not an excuse. Haley lost her mother, and she still had to go to school for two hours every other week. You don't get to just sit down. There's not a special electric seat at Walmart for people just because her mom died, OK? You still have to walk through Walmart. Get over the aisles, Vicki. It's like, oh, none of you have lost her mother yet. Oh my god. So here you go using your mother's death again to get yourself out of hot water. This woman is seriously bottom of the barrel. And the fact that she can't see it at all honestly makes me like her even more. I know that's so fucking sick because the people that we-- or that I've at least like legit hated, who can raise my blood pressure just from talking about them. I've never felt that way with Vicki. I think she's a liar. I don't believe one thing she says. I think she's crazy. I think she ruins everybody around her's life. But I still like her. I really do. Yeah. You know what? Good TV is good TV. So then they're once again. Now they're questioning Vicki again. And she's like, well, I don't know. I never saw the-- I don't have proof that he has cancer. It doesn't have to be-- well, what does your gut tell you? What does your gut tell you? And then she finally says, my gut tells me he doesn't have it. And it was like, hallelujah. Finally. Only because I saw me eat a piece of bread. And the cancer didn't even burp after. I mean, you know the cancer when I love that. One of my favorite trends in this is how it's everybody's-- burp after everybody's big thing with Vicki is-- me and Terry have always been Brooks' biggest supporters. So you know, you can't say that we're not big supporters of Brooks. We've always loved Brooks. Look at those jerseys we had made for Brooks. We love Brooks. Rob Rob Brooks. So you know, it's like watching your team fake cancer. And then Shannon. I love Brooks. I have always supported Brooks. When anybody said cancer, I said Brooks. I mean, what else do you want me to do? Ha! No one's cheered you on like me. I was cheering on Brooks from the-- You guys are not stopping. They make it sound like they're-- like these huge supporters of poor little starving children in Africa who turned out to be, you know, like fat adult American males just like living off the money. Like, get out of here, Sally Struthers. You didn't do anything. Your biggest supporters. I know. Shut up. Serious sound. Jesus. Well, I just wanted to cast him out. So then-- And they went big. --break for commercial, but the show keeps going because everyone goes like, there's like, this shoe hurts. It's too small for me. She goes hobbling off. And then Tamara and Vicky are sitting on a couch. And Tamara starts giving Vicky a pep talk. And like, don't let him control you. Bubba, bubba, bubba. And Vicky's like, I fell in love hard. I fell in love hard. Really hard. And Tamara's-- you know, they're doing his whole like, no, don't let him control you. Don't be scared of him. Don't be afraid. Be you. Bubba, bubba, bubba. And Tamara's like, I knew he was a dipshit from the beginning. From the beginning, Vicky's like, why didn't you tell me? I was like, oh my god, I was ready to shake Vicky then. Call me an abuser. I was ready to-- [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] To me, this little segment was-- That was just how many she's in there. Abi was-- this to me was the 700 Club audition for Tamara. She's like sitting with perfect posture with her little triangle thing in the middle of her head because her face has been pulled back so far under her terrible plastic weave-- sorry, Tamara. But, you know, like cone head thing in the back, square head. Love it. And she's like sitting perfectly, like 700 Club. Like, welcome to the 7/11 Club, Batch. Jesus loves you. Your boyfriend's terrible. And Vicky's like, I know, but once you invest in teeth, you don't just throw them away. It's like buying a Cadillac and just leaving in the parking lot of a Kmart. You know, you got to drive that. What's the point of having a Cadillac? This whole thing of Tamara trying to be the sweet, sensible one who everybody's only thought that Tamara was mean because it works this whole time. And then there's a segment later where Tamara's screaming, you, everybody, everybody for three years have thought I'm an evil bitch because of what I said. And now it turns out I'm right. No, Tamara. You're still an evil bitch. You were an evil bitch three years ago. Brooks being stupid and evil does not make you not evil. OK, there's not, like, two evils don't make a non evil, if that makes any sense. Like, just-- you're still a bitch. Like, don't get this confused. You're not forgiven because Brooks faked cancer, idiot. Exactly. You're forgiven because you prayed. So then, pretty much, you know, at that point to show start to wrap up, we saw a little bit that was funny where Tamara refused to say the word "pastor" because she thought it was a reference to, like, Taco's Al pastor. She's like, is that a taco batch? Oh, look. This started because Andy is like, hey, Denise from Dilly Dally Duluth wants to know, Tamara, do you actually go to church? She's like, yeah, well, you know, I'm like really busy a bitch because we're doing this new polari hip hop yoga class. And so I haven't been able to concentrate. But, you know, thank God for the internet because Pastor Rick is there. And they're like, his name is Pastor Mike. She doesn't even know his name. And she's going to church on the internet. I mean, come on. And then she's like, I don't want to say that because it's like calling him a taco, a Mexican taco. Like, what? She's like, Pastor, you know, those tacos? Like, no, she's saying "pastor," you know? But you're like, no. She's like, yeah, it's like Mexicans eat them, you know? Pastors. Yeah, the tacos. Well, I guess I've been going to the wrong hot dog stand. Or the-- I've not been going to the wrong taco stand. Which just cracks me up imagining Heather pulling up to a taco stand. Like, all right, Terry, get out and untie a collet from the taco stand because it's time to take her home. [LAUGHTER] So that pretty much was-- He doesn't deserve me. I'm a good catch. Tamara goes to church online. Heather, apparently, I didn't go to the right taco stand. Goodbyes, oh, so the goodbyes. So I'm just like, guys, this was really fun. Meanwhile, during this really intense scene with Tamara and Vicki, he's texting the whole time I was dying. So he's like, OK, everybody. And now it's time where we talk about everything that nobody will ever learn ever from being on these shows. OK, who wants to go first? And everybody went in order. And they were like, well, Andy, it's been a great year. I want to say Vicki, I don't believe you. I've never believed you. And I'm really happy about my new house. And then Shannon, well, I'm glad that David is at home. I have a chip implanted in his neck. And Vicki, I do not believe you. Tamara's like, I love Jesus, Batch. And he's still hot. He shaved his nuts this morning. And Vicki, I don't believe you. But each one of them took their turn. She's going to pray for Vicki, though, right? On the internet. Yeah. I paid for you, but then the email got returned. Sorry, Batch. Blame genius. I just pray pal. Blame Jamal. That email service sucks. Like Gmail? No, you know the one I'm talking about. Mexican cheese and taco stamps. Gmail. No. She's like, I use that email where they always cheer for you. What's it called? Yahoo. Like Jamal, how are you? How long are you going to take to deliver that email? He's like, sorry. It's Alfredo. OK, so thank you. So we have as we wrap up this, we actually have another patreon question. Oh, from Lola Del Rio. Lola. Lola. She asks Vicki, more fun before all the plastic surgery or after? I-- well, you answer, right? I actually think before last time. I feel-- well, first of all, we have a larger sample size of her life before-- well, I mean, she's had a lot of plastic surgery, but I'm assuming you're referring to when she had the big facelift two seasons ago. And I think she was more fun before, because we have so many fond memories of going up to Lake Havasu and part of my art, and her screaming, and vans pulling up to go to fun places, and her screaming at the vans, and going skiing, and screaming at people when she goes skiing. So I'm going to say before. Probably more fun before, but every year brings such complexity. And one thing I'm really-- and I was totally thinking this last night watching the shows anyway, but the surgery on these shows is this weird evolutionary emotional chart. It's like watching how people are growing from year to year. You can tell by their faces. Vanderpump rules, you can really see the surgery and how people's personalities are coming out with what they're getting put on their face. Jax is obviously so insecure and so needy of love and attention, and was obviously never given attention by his father, or whatever. It's so obvious because of his face. I mean, fillers speak volumes. And Vicky's say a lot. She hated a younger person that wasn't true to her husband, so she cheated and then got her face, Gretchen. She got her chin and her eyes. And every piece of insecurity comes out in her face, and I've just find it fascinating. I mean, we went from a woman who was just obsessed with getting a car wash every day to someone with a face I don't even recognize who's in a lace phase and lying about cancer. And it's just amazing. What came first? The filler or the psychosis? I'm not sure. All right, well, thanks, Lola. Thank you for that question. And thank you for being so awesome. Lola always is tweeting at us and stuff and coming on to our hangouts. Love her. And Lola is a real-life restaurant manager, and she came to the hangouts last time from her little office cubby at the restaurant, which is hilarious to me because I've worked in restaurants my whole life, and I love that a restaurant manager is sitting there like, marry your catch-ups, bitch. And then like listening to us make fun of waiters. I love it. It's a perfect segue to Vanderpump Rules. But before we get to that, I have some questions I have to ask. Oh, Ben! Do you have a bunch of photos lying around or are rolled up in your closet just waiting for you to put in a nice frame and hang on your walls? Because now is your chance to get them framed at-- get them framed and up at framebridge.com. Do you take 1,000 photos? Do you take 1,000 photos and never put a single one in a frame? That was not my fault. That was the copy, thank you. I'm going to frame that. I'm just kidding, framebridge. Do you take 1,000 photos and never put a single one in a frame? Now you can get those great memories off your camera and onto your wall with framebridge.com. Yeah, it's actually really cool. They actually gave us like a little credit so we can go look around and play around on their website and order some stuff. Heck, yeah! It's very cool. It's not an instant machine, but it's getting close. I'm going to take a picture on Heather's instant machine and then have it framed at framebridge. Christmas for everybody! It's affordable. The price has started at just $39. And that is up to 70% less than traditional framing stories. Yeah, it is. If you ever tried to do that at Aaron's Brothers-- Not cute. --not expensive. So it's also easy to use. Just go to framebridge.com and you choose your frame from their curated selection or collection. And you upload your art and you preview it before you buy. And if you can upload your art, don't worry. You can mail it in for free. So you can take that ban go. You've been holding onto and just stick it in the mail. But your frame piece arrives at your home ready to hang, which is super cool. These are wood molding, UV protective acrylic, and acid-free matte and foam boards. So they're very high quality. And you can choose from clean and classic to more eclectic styles or have one of framebridge's designers make a recommendation. Do it! I'm actually having a picture that I took on the beach in Mexico with my little nieces. They're so cute. But it's not even of us because, like, gross. Like, I have enough pictures of them. They need to get-- I look like a crazy person. So instead, I'm going to frame this big picture of this sand castle they made. But I said, make it for an evil queen. And so they made it this really cool, big, like triangular castle and then poured a little bits of water on it. So it looks like it's melting. And I was like, yeah, that's pretty much the coolest shit I've ever seen. That will be in my living room forever. Even when you've grown old enough for me to hate you properly, I'll always love your evil sand castle. Love, uncle. Yeah, I haven't chosen my picture yet. I'm, like, debating. For me to choose things, it's almost like, well, this would be the perfect one, well, this one. But once I do it, I will take a picture of it. And then I will frame that picture. Well, I really wanted to do the dick pick of Adam from Real Housewives of New York. But I was like, no one will have interest in this picture. Like, people will never even notice it. They'll just pass it right by and be like, hey, what was there? It was not a wall. It was not a wall, it was a wall. So we love framebridge. And we know you'll love it too. So it's so easy to use and so much more affordable than traditional frame stores. So right now, framebridge.com has a special offer just for our listeners. 15% off your first order and free shipping when you use our code sideshow. This is a great deal, but it's only available this week. 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Speaking of cheap, let's talk about all those people over at Vanderpump Rules at CERR. Oh, Vanderpump Rules. You know, when they announced this show was coming back and they put out the previews like this season. This season on Vanderpump Rules, darling. I was so excited, but those came out so long ago and I thought November, that is so far away. Like who even cares? And I didn't even think about it again. And then before you know it, here we are in November and it's back. It's back. So first of all, I don't know what Shina is doing to her face, but in the opening credits, when they show her, you know, in this version of the opening credits, you know, they always swing around with their tray and the glasses go flying off in slow motion. Shina's face is fully Kim Kardashian. I mean, it is not even recognizable. What are you doing to yourself, Shina? And it's not even good Kim Kardashian. It's like second rate Kim Kardashian. So she's, you know, she's basically a lower end Kardashian at this point. And that's not a good thing. - One thing, and I was saying, this is kind of a repeat of what I was saying with Heather last night, but I have started to feel this kind of a pity for people on these shows 'cause I'm learning something again through surgery. This is another surgery emotional moment with Ronnie. - Let's all gather. But I'm learning so much emotionally from these faces because Shina is such a pretty girl. - She is. - She was born beautiful. And when you're not like born model looking, you wonder your whole, like you think your whole life that people who are beautiful have everything. And it's so easy for them. And life is just great. But at the end of the day, it's not. It sucks. You're still insecure. People are only using you sometimes for sex. Like if you're a hot girl, oh my God. How do you ever know if a guy really likes you? 'Cause guys are so phony when a hot girl's in the room. And there's all this insecurity that people who are beautiful don't see it. And they start chipping away at themselves and try and turn them into something just to be more fuckable, but they're only doing that to escape the terrible feelings they were feeling from being so fuckable in the first place. It's like this weird, crazy, plastic-filled world of being afraid to like not be fuckable. It's crazy to me. - Yeah. - Because these are like legit hot people. I mean, Jack's legit hot. That is not a fake hot person. Well, he used to be. And now he's like the elephant man. Like, what are you doing to yourself? Why? Why? - I know. I mean, if you look at Jack's season one versus where he is now, I mean, things have gone in the wrong direction in so many different ways, but I mean, he has really messed himself up. Part of it is that, I mean, you suspect he's had fillers. He may have had fillers, but one thing is for sure, he's definitely been eating. So that's not something a model should be doing. But also, he has been like, he just looks rough. And it's like, what is this guy has gone? - His face is really full. - He's not working for him. - And his eyes are so, well, part of it, I thought was probably this nose job is why his eyes are so closed. Like they're like half closed, like Garfield eyes, you know, and, but bloated Garfield eyes. - I mean, Garfield was that, but I'm not calling him fat. Just like tired, crazy, bloated, surgery eyes. Basically, like when you don't recover from surgery yet, they get it too quick. They're like, oh, the show's in two weeks. Better get a facelift. No, you do that the day after the reunions, you can at least kind of heal. It's just so gross. And all the revelations about Jack's in this, which weren't really shockers, I guess, but that he's a compulsive steal, you know, compulsive thief. What is it, a compulsive stealer, which as we've mentioned on this show, is apparently a side effect of heavy drug use, Kim Richards, outside of our people stealing all the time. - I'm making it sound like it was sad. That's the sadness. Now we can get to the fun parts. - But Sheena's face. - Exercised your demons on this. - No, I have one more thing to say. She now looks like, you know how pit bulls are really beautiful. So I'm not saying she looks ugly, but you know how pit bulls? - Yeah, pit bulls. - Oh, I think it's at pimples. - Oh yeah, she's just like, why did they hate and you want to squeeze it and don't know why? - She's like the most beautiful pimple you ever saw. - The more you squeeze, the more infected it gets. Don't squeeze Sheena. - I can't believe you squeeze me today. The same week as my birthday. - It looks like somebody and only an LA person would do this. It looks like somebody was like, my pit bull's really gorgeous, but the jaw on it's too big. So I'm going to get it shaved down. I'm like, why would you shave down a pit bull jaw? And then you've just got a big pit bull head with no jaw. It looks like one of those hanging things on Halloween. There's just like a bony jaw hanging down. She took off the bottom half of her fucking face. She went like reverse fillered. She unfilled. She's like, just suck it out of me. Fuck it out. I don't care how, just tuck it out of me. I'll totally mention you at my next section. She's either a pit bull missing a bottom jaw or a low-range Kardashian. We'll leave that up to the audience to decide which, where she falls in that spectrum, but either way she looks demented these days. So the show opened up with some more generic bravo music. This one, start up with these lyrics. Ching-a-ling, ching-a-ling, oh yeah, I'm cashing in. It's like, oh gosh. - No, you're not cashing in. You're cashing out because it's time to go home from your waiter job and split the tips, batch. - You got a proper song. This isn't Ladies of London at all. - So it's, we open with an employee meeting. - Hey, darling, you know the meeting's in five minutes. - And Peter's like, I'm totally at the host stand. Get out of here. This season, house fat guys on drugs. Jackson's facial, la la's a batch. - So, Jackson, how am I gonna dramatically change? And Lisa goes, facially, darling. - And, oh my God, the face. She does some baseball caps. You know some serious dramas going down. She's wearing her like, sad, free cap that you get for a marathon. It's like a bright pink gas station cap. I'm like, oh, depression. My name is gas station cap. - This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. - You've heard us talking about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit. Stream max with ads included at no extra cost. If you haven't tried it yet, what are you waiting for? - Ronnie, you're a big Last of Us fan, right? - Oh, I sure am. The HBO original The Last of Us. It's about to start another season. - What would you order on DoorDash while you watch The Last of Us? - Well, while I'm watching Last of Us, I prefer eating salads from DoorDash because the zombies are plants. So you're kind of eating the zombie plant people, you know? - Oh, good. You're restoring order. - Yeah, it's on theme. (laughing) - Sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. - It's your door to more. - Max is now included with your dash pass annual plan. Stream max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. - Terms apply, see DoorDash.com/max for details. - With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. When Mint Mobile says $15 a month when you purchase a three month plan, they mean it. - Oh my goodness, I cannot tell you how many times with other mobile providers, I thought I was going to be paying one thing per month and then surprise, I'm paying much more and I just love that Mint Mobile is straight up. - All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. - Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. To get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com/crapins. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com/crapins. - $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only, speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply, see Mint Mobile for details. - Did you hang up on it? - No, I was just like, okay, so we're having employee meeting. I'm like, I've been standing at the bus stop waiting for the rainstorm to pass. - Well, I'm like, our episodes are two hours long and you're recapping the trailer that I came out to you months ago. - But it was fast, I told you I'd make an effort and that was my effort, I did it in like two seconds. - It's called editing, Ronnie editing. - I just did it, darling. - I consolidated. I know, I'm turning into Matt Whitfield. So he's got so mad at us when we were just plowed through. - We love you, Matt. - So we're at an employee meeting at the B in this show. The big news here, Jax has now gotten his third nose job because surprise, surprise, the first nose job he got from the hot doctor did not turn out, 'cause you don't go to hot doctors, okay? Don't go to hot doctors, they didn't listen. - Yeah, also they didn't put like a coke shoot in your nose. Like, next time you get your fucking nose done, just have him cut a star butt straw in quarters and like at least tape it up on the inside of your nose, you can save that skin. He's like, I just don't understand because, you know, I got it done and then, you know, like I got a bump on my nose 'cause I tried to take a whole dime bag and then, you know, then I had to take my ear off to put on my nose. I was like, well, that actually explains quite a lot. - Yeah, he's like, now my nose can hear. But the thing is that, you know, he-- - But my ears can't. (laughs) - Yeah. - He's like, I got it, it's like you didn't get skin from your ear put on your nose, you just got a piercing, okay? Just relax. - No, but the thing is this though, you know that really what happened is that they said, okay, you have to keep this bandage on for three weeks and don't do this, this, and this. And he didn't listen and so we got these calluses in his nose and he needed to get it fixed again for us, I agree, you know, he's so dumb. You know that's exactly what he did. - Well, I think Jack's is like a very tame version of Brooks. He's somebody who sees women as nothing but things to be used and played around with. So he's got that in common with him. And then when he needs sympathy, he comes up with some horrible thing. And in this case, his little issue seems to be broken noses. He gets his sympathy every year by breaking his nose. It's almost a form of cutting at this point. It's just instead of teenage girls' thighs, now it's 40 year old faces. - I mean, he looked terrible. I mean, I don't know how much of it was because of the surgery. I mean, he had black eyes, he had like a cut above his eye. Was that cut above his eye? Then you have that cut above his eye last season. Didn't he get something happened? - Well, he's obviously had upper face surgery unless he got, unless that's just swelling. But I think that saves the whole season. - He looked like he'd been in a car wreck, okay. - He looks like a nose cripple. - He looks like he's just like wandering around, looking for donations because his nose hurts. - Well, I was very happy with this meeting 'cause Lisa announced that they had, that Sir has new menus and these menus did not have fur. So I was like, well, good, Sir is finally moving in the right direction. - What's gonna stop up the terrible sauce from the goat cheese balls? - I know, because if there's anything, if you've never been to Sir, they, when you got your menu, it came on like pink fur. The menus were covered in pink fur or like zebra print, but the zebra was like pink and black. It was so tacky. - And much like this cast, they were pretty crusty. - Yeah, and you know, all those people who came in from terzana dressed in, dressed the nines, they thought they're going to a fancy restaurant. We're like, oh, look at this fur, it's such a fancy restaurant. Get out of my face, you stupid idiots. - Now you show me one PF James at home with a fur manual. - Yeah, so then, so now it was like next, next item on the agenda is that Kristen gave him to pump him through a glass of wine. I don't know if you do it at James, or whoever she is, and he goes, and so James, I guess there was some question about someone through wine, through with this glass, and James was like, oh, I didn't throw no glass of wine. Like, all right, pirates. - No kidding, no kidding. Eliza do a little before she met somebody rich. - I'm like, I'm going back to the Habadash right now. - Ooh. - I didn't throw any glass of wine, I say I didn't. - This is so funny, she's obviously not seeing anybody in like, you know, like actually spoken to anybody in months 'cause the cast only has to come on the film or whatever. So she shows up and everybody's sitting there and then she's like, we're going to have a, we're renovating the restaurant. And then everybody's like, yo, like Jackson's face. Oh, I hope it goes better than Jackson's face. - She's like, so, Jackson, what course is your face on? And he's like, oh, the third. And went into that whole thing. And then the glass of wine, did you notice that, James? - Anybody who dates Kristen, they can't just call her Kristen because she's so fucking frustrating that it turns into like a deformed version of the name Kristen. - Yeah. - Thomas, Kristana, Kristana. - And James even has it now 'cause they've dated for so long, but now he goes, I can't do anything about Kristana. - Yeah, yeah. - Every time he's said it, this time he's like, listen here, Kristana. - It's totally true. - Isn't that weird? - It's like, phonetics of dating a crazy bitch. - Well, James has cracked me up because he kept on doing this whole thing about being a DJ. He's like, I've worked too hard, I've worked too hard to becoming a DJ to go back to busing tables because of Kristana. I was just like, he acts as if, he acts as if he just landed a gay performing at the Coliseum downtown, okay? It's like, dude, you're in the corner of Sir playing CDs. Okay, you're right. And on top of that, like, weren't you the one last season and he's like, yeah, I'll play at festivals, I'll play at Wumbly Stadium, I've done this and that. So like, don't act. - I played at the dishwashing station. - Yeah, but I just love how he acts as if like, DJing in the corner of the Sir Lounge is really the next step to greatness. - Yeah, I love Kristana. - I love Kristana. But if she tries to sit on the finger that presses play on the iTunes, that's it. - I'm done. - Lisa's like, okay, darling, well, good for you. But if not, you're going back to being a busboy. So now you're not gonna be away to DJ, you're gonna be a busboy DJ. And he's like, well, I should don't wanna be carrying around water, Lisa, so I'll talk to her. I'm just like, oh, my God. - It's like, oh, I know, he's like, I just, I don't know. But either way, this DJ career is so, so good. And then she's Lisa's like, well, what is she doing here? Anyway, telling you, I've fired her a long time ago. I slashed her tires when she was like, oh, I knew it. She wouldn't take the bus, darling. And they're like, well, she's been drinking. He's like, she likes to day drink on a Sunday, I guess. - And then everyone says Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. - Oh, I miss waitas. - I know. - I love it. Such bitches, so good. - So Lisa starts coming down on Tom saying that he hasn't been doing his shifts. And he's like, Lisa, don't talk to me under the bus, Lisa. - Yeah. - And Lisa gets like, oh, like, listen now, listen here. Don't talk to me that way. I'm like, since when does Lisa get upset about what these people say to her? Like they walk all over and now Tom's like, Lisa. - But they're both not, I mean, remember when, when you talk to Lisa that way, you were out usually. I mean, Kristen, it took her a few times, but she didn't just sit there and take it. But now it's like the whole staff talking to her like that. Oh, that's not good. Tom and Ariana both. 'Cause Tom was like, eh, Lisa, you're totally throwing me under the bus. Like I work, whatever. And Ariana, yeah, we do all that we can do. Like really Ariana, do you? Do you do all that you can do? You polished a glass. Please stop acting like you're like saving lives. But you stop it. And Lisa, I'm 54 fucking years old. I was like, how many times do you have to say that before even you believe it? Girl, you are 65 if you were a day. And her sitting there saying I'm 54 fucking years old while sitting in front of that service line, her head is blocking the U. So it's just the shortened version of senior right behind her head, giant, in giant letters. So that is fucking priceless. And it makes me think, are these posed? Do people do that on purpose? Like surely someone has noticed that it says senior above Lisa's head. (laughing) Well, somewhere in this, I don't remember where I have it. Sheena announced that she's having a birthday party. Of course. It's always on your birthday party. I'm having a birthday party. That guy themed. What I loved is that she gave me a birthday party. So she just, what she describes her costume, she goes, I'm doing like a virgin, Madonna. I'm like, yeah, we know who, yeah, we were familiar. Thanks for clarifying, Sheena. You know, Madonna. Yeah, 'cause Madonna, like, she wore two to twos and couldn't sing on key. So I'm like, huh, bruv. I'm gonna trust like, thriller, you know, Michael Jackson. Mm. It's like, yes, yes. And where do you think this big news came across band while she was putting up eyeliner in the bathroom? Oh, yeah. Because they gave a close up of the women door in that tiny bathroom in the back. And still, every time I see it, I think, you know, no one on this show can ever do anything as good as Kim Richards locking herself in that bathroom to do math all night at the Vanderpump Rules party. And they're like, Kim, Kim are you in there? She's like, yeah, get out of here, little guy from Webster. I'm not taking your cows. So following me. Kim, a big turkey float just arrived at Adrienne's scent. Don't you wanna see it? Ah, fuck it. Does it fit up my nose? No, Kim. I'm standing here. I'm not in there, I'm not in here. No, Kim. Kim, Kim. So in this bathroom, we also learned that Patrick and Stasi are separating, according to Katie, which is, we already knew that, but it was still fun. It's always fun to hear it. It's always fun to hear it. Yeah. And then she knows like, she and Katie are like, she just just saying, "Ah, how am I gonna get to beer and brag?" And I'm like, "Didn't you guys hate each other last year?" You guys hate each other. And then Katie managed to get like a pity invitation to the wedding. It's like every season, it's just always, it's always so funny to me, the way these people all become friends with their mortal enemies, season after season. I don't understand it, except that obviously the producers are like, "Okay, you guys are friends this year." It's like, "Okay." And also they all hang out and are friends in real life. And they're just, it's weird that they're actually friends and they still rip each other to shreds every year and try and ruin each other's life. I know. And then they go to lunch. I'm like, that was fun, okay, see you there. Don't throw me into the bus, Lisa, women's room. Katie, we became friends when Sheena and I both discovered that we're never gonna get a good haircut. Katie's hair, she's trying again for another season. And thank you for D. Ronald McDonald-ing it, but girl, no. Still no. And Sheena, no, both of you. Both of you, no. Poor ironers don't care. - So then, now next is Jacks. Jacks and James are having a conversation. It's like this, they're randomly, they're talking about Carmen because remember, Jacks has this girlfriend, Carmen, but I think they broke up. But I'm not sure if they really broke up because- - She dumped him. - Well, she dumped him, but then he later was going to invite her to Sheena's birthday, but she wasn't around. So he invited, he's like, "Oh, I'll just choose someone." The next, you know, like the next name down in the book, it's Carter, and so it's like, okay, so anyway- - It's a guy from H2TV. - Yeah, so James, Jacks is talking with James and Carmen is friends with Kristen and James. And one of Jacks's friends, I guess, reached out to Carmen about hanging out. It's like a very convoluted story that I didn't understand the context for. And then James is like, "Well, anyway, I gotta work "in my DJ and career. "Goodbye, I'm going to remix this Samantha Mumba. "Oh, I know." - They've got some new downloads on GarageBand. - All right, Cheerio. See you then, Caten. - Oh, I gotta set up the iPod in the corner. - Big break, it's a- - Anyone know how these Bluetooth speakers work? So- - Anyone know how to work this jam box, Kristen? - So Jack, they cut to Jacks' new weird face and he's like twitchy and weird is his nose broken. - He gets that evil look. - And he's got an evil look on his face and he's forced to be in the back 'cause he's too ugly to be in the front. Love you, sir. - Yes, good. - This is like your hideous, get in the back. So he's polishing glasses and James is back there who you know, marrying a catch-up or something. And Jacks is like, "Bro, Kristen's crazy. "Get her out of your life, bro." And James is like, "Well, you know, whatever." Anyway, he gets to Carmen and how she's dating someone else and then Jacks immediately gets this evil look like he's gonna fucking murder somebody, he really does. - He is, he's a psychotic man. - He is, and then he gets on his cell phone and starts dialing while really dramatic music plays. And one of our listeners put on, I think Sarah put this on the Facebook and it says that this entire episode is coconut music. And she is so right. Every scene was like a different version of the coconut music. And this was like very scary, psycho, but like still fun coconut music. It's like dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. And he's on his phone texting, which James gets a text outside smoking because Kristen immediately calls and starts yelling at James all. And just so fucking good. I mean, he literally walked outside and got a text from Kristen. Yeah, it was the classic Vanderpump rule. They're like, hey, hey audience, we know you love this sort of stuff. So let's watch these idiots start rumors and then text each other and betray each other right away. And so sure enough, you know, Kristen calls up and she's like, she's yelling about like, did you go, did you tell Jacks? Did you tell Jacks about Carmen? Seriously, seriously. - And he's like, no, Kristen, no, Kristen, I did not say anything. No, I didn't say anything, no, why would I say anything at all? - I saw the fucking text message. All right, I said something, okay, I won't let you do it. Listen, it's a big, big DJing opportunity, okay? We're calling it Surfest, all right? And everyone's getting into the lounge and there'll be 10 people there and I'm gonna play my remixes, all right? Don't ruin this for me right now. - And also, Kristen, don't you remember the whole conspiracy about how people found some way to hack texts and make you look bad back in the day? And she's like, oh, just read the text 'cause those are dependable now. - Well, also, but by the way, James is an idiot. He's like, okay, Jacks, don't tell, I'm like, I've got my Australia and coming back from register. He's like, don't tell a single soul, all right? Now, comments dating someone, don't tell them, he's like, yeah, bro, I won't tell anyone. No, of course I'll tell, of course he attacks immediately, Kristen's like, whatever you do, don't text, Kristen's like, got it. Texting, Kristen, no, don't text. Kristen, all right, texting her right now. No, no, no, stop. If you think, delete Kristen's number and then never text her ever again, all right. So I'm gonna text her three times right now and say, no! I'm gonna get back to my DJ career, it's really taking off. - Bro, you didn't say not to insta her. (laughing) James, how could you do that, bro? How could you do that? How could you text her the second after I told you not to text her? And he's like, who cares, bro? So what, I texted her? - I got mad. - So like, what do you care? Like, what do you care? He's like, 'cause I have to deal with Kristen, bro. - Kristen. - Kristen. - Kristen. - So. - So, she and Ariana are at the bar and she's like, I'm just, I'm just scared that Kristen's gonna show up in my room. Came here, honey. - And then, they're like complaining about Kristen and then she's like, I just wish someone would give me a personal, a direct reason to hate Kristen. I just wish someone and tell me that they're like, what about us? Do you see the hell she's put us through? How could you not hate her? She's like, I know, I don't know. Mike and Rajin Madonna, yeah, all right. - Yeah, but they're also still friends with Jax, which kind of kills any credibility they ever have about forgiveness. - Exactly. - They forgive the biggest fucking moron in the world every single time and he fucks him over good. - Like he fucked Tom's girlfriend while Tom was sleeping and Tom's like, how could you be so forgiving of Kristen? - Kristen. - And Thomas, and James is, Kristen. - Mm, and Kristen. - And Thomas, Kristen. - Kristen. - And he and Tom also has an op. - Yeah. - Kristen. - But anyway, Kristen, you know, the one thing that Kristen's really good about, and I don't think anyone else in LA is like this, if she gets hung up on or she doesn't get her answers, she drives, so if I'm like, oh, you didn't, I'm confused, I'm like, well, I'm not gonna go out and rush out of traffic, I'm not gonna drive to West Hollywood. You know, the parking there is so annoying, I'm not doing that. She's like, no, seriously, seriously, I need answers. - So sure enough, she has right to serve and Jax encounters her ass, and he's like, he's like, what are you doing here? She's like, seriously, seriously, and like, nice to see you too, seriously. - You're not gonna ruin my music career, Kristen. I have worked very hard on putting this playlist together, Kristen, she's like, whatever. - Well, before even James comes out, Kristen starts selling Jax, he has to control his anger, which is hilarious, and she's like, yeah, like ever since I left, I've been really like calm, and I've been learning, I don't have to react everything, I'm just like, you know, focusing on my t-shirt line. - Which of course, since I left, yeah, I've been focusing on t-shirts, and I learned in therapy, like there was this pause, to give everybody a laugh break, 'cause that's just hilarious. - She's going to therapy, I'm so sure, it's like, like donated instead therapy, get out of here. And she thinks, meanwhile, the very first shot we get of Kristen, where is she standing? She's placed right in front of the dumpsters. - Yeah, the entire backdrop is Kristen trying to look pretty with her new highlights, and they're like, all right, just stand there right in front of the dumpsters, darling. All right, don't move. All right, get in, just get in. Have your head poking out, were you yelling, darling? All right. - Well, I actually, believe it or not, I actually did think she looked pretty. You know, considering that she's horse face number one, but yeah, so I'm already fashioning my fall ensemble, which will include one of Jax's chunky sweaters, one of Kristen's t-shirts, you know, once that kickstarter goes through. I'll be waiting a few years for that kickstarter to start reaping its returns. - It's like, it's got a stretch goal. So then James comes out and they're fighting. And then it's like, like you said, they're fighting. And he's like, you know what, Kristen, I have to DJ. I have to DJ. And then he literally goes, this is a quote where that wrote down, 'cause James is gonna go DJ in the corner of the surlage 'cause girls come and go, but dreams are with you forever. (laughing) - Yes, we all dream of DJing, yes sir. - Girls come and go. - Yeah. But DJ Rob's at the restaurant, you must table that. Also come and go. But I mean, should I bag hot dog, Captain? - I brought in, I brought in three disc men for this gig today, ain't no one gonna take it away from me, Governor. (laughing) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) - And then after the commercial break. - Jack's, oh, another Jack's moment. Only Jack's would get ready for the scene. He's about to shoot with his mother with a nude scene. Fucking Jack's stepping out of the shower and he's like looking all hot, even a dick shot, like full on dick shot for the cameras. And then right after his dick shot, he's putting on a shirt and his stomach is sticking right out. I'm gonna make a picture of him and Juicy Joe next to each other. I'm posting it because his goal, his goal, Jack's and his outer Jack's. Oh my God, I hope you meet and jail you too. You're gonna make a great couple. - You know, it all went downhill as soon as Dossie threw out all his supplements. You know, season two, she tossed them all in the sink and he's been blowing up ever since. You know what? He needs to start logging on to his own app and doing some work, some exercise. - His own app? - He would if it worked. - Yeah. (laughing) - Exactly. - It's like if I could find a decent webmaster I'd be thinned by now. - Yeah. So we meet Jack's mom who seems really sweet but I was really thrown off by the fact that she kind of looked like and sounded like Kristen. That really bothered me. - Mmm. - Although actually-- - Whoa, Dossie? - A little bit, although then as I started to listen to her more, I started to feel like she kind of sounded like Alice and Johnny imitating a dog. Like if Alice and Johnny were doing the voice of a Pixar movie where she had to do the voice of a dog or be like, "Hey there, hi. I'm a dog, I'm Jack's mom. I've had to deal with this stupidity all year long." Like, "Hey, hey, Jack's. I got new sunglasses from my head." - She seems so sweet and I really liked her. - Oh yeah, she was great. - But at the same time I was like, "You unleash Jack's." It's like being okay with, I don't know, like the seed that causes mustard gas. Well, I guess we are okay with this mustard, right? Never mind, I'm fine with everything. Be evil, that's my point. Raise terrible children. Do you like that? Okay, so anyway, his mother is at the door straightening his wig and then he's showing her around the studio and she's like, "Yeah, you know, it's weird showing my mom, you know, around my studio." But like, she really liked the paella thing that I crushed my hair when I went up in. And also if I had a match in, I wouldn't even like live in it if I could have a match in 'cause life's better when you're like using someone else's match in. It's just like, you know, it makes you feel thinner. Like, "Oh, Jack's, Jack's, Jack's, Jack's. Poor Jack's. You're turning, you're all turning different ages, but you're old. I don't know why I wrote that." His mom is looking at his face, worried as hell. Yeah, I'm sure, yeah, exactly. Exactly, what mother wants to see that? She's like, "Oh, are things going okay with the girls?" And he's like, "Yeah, well, no one's living here." And she's like, "Well, that's good." She goes, "Jack's, you just need to figure out who you are and then you need to figure out why you're that way." And he's like, "Um, uh, yo, okay, do you want some wine? I stole it from the restaurant." She's like, "Ah, oh, that's my boy." And he's like, "Yeah, Mom, all the silverware is from the restaurant." She's like, "Ah, I but Lisa didn't know about that." And I'm just imagining these two walking around to J.C. Penney with Jack shoving plastic jewels in his fucking pockets for his mother, like getting it back in the station wagon and like trying shit on together. 'Cause you know that shit happened. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, I really bothers me when people are like, "You know, he's always been like that. He's always been a little rascal." I'm like, "Well, you know, you sort of aren't blame for that. You may be perfectly lovely, but you're kind of to blame for raising a sociopath." Um, so anyway, we have like a little scene then of James visiting Kristin to apologize. Um, and it was just a nothing scene. It's not even worth getting into. So then, um... The general thing with the mom is they go have dinner or they go have lunch or whatever. Well, you have Bill of Wonka. With Gina and her mom. Why do you get none of Lisa's restaurants ever show the front? Have you noticed that they never show the full front? They have, maybe, twice on Palm. No, they showed up for Bill of Wonka. They show the front, but they only show like the little curtain part. Because the restaurants, I think, are so tiny, they want you to think they're big 'cause they show you Villa Blanca, but they only show you the top of the building. So it looks like Villa Blanca is this 12-foot skyscraper thing. Like, I'm so sure they've got tables on the 12th floor and you're not showing the entrance. 'Cause it's just one of those Ikea curtains tied back just like over at, um... I don't know, I don't... Well, either way, so they have the... It's like a meeting of brains here. Sheena and her mom who is turning... Sheena's gonna be turning 30, her mom is turning about like 35. I don't know. It's like, you know. But, you know, her mom is turning 50 and then they're having like a little lunch and we learn some things. We learn that Jax is now talking to a girl from Kentucky, which will not end well, as we've seen in movies. And then, yeah, it's like what we're talking about. They all start laughing about how Jax steals things and passes them off his gifts. And he forges things. Like, "Oh, isn't it so funny?" He commits federal crime. His mother started telling stories and before the end, it was five stories. And Sheena's mom's like, "Wow, he's like a little puppy. "He's this cute little puppy and he pees on the floor "and you're like, but he's so cute." I'm like, "No, you put him down." Okay? I don't know where you learn to raise a puppy, but that fucker doesn't learn after week five. He's dead. Okay? Yeah, exactly. Maybe that was her point. Maybe that was like Azusa, you know, tact, who knows. But Lisa's reaction was hilarious. She's like, "I figured, I figured Jax's mother "would be a homeless transvestite method, you know, "who's probably got heads on a stick. "But it turns out she's just a regular poor person "who makes fun of her idiot son. "I like her. "I have paid for 20% of their lunch." And that tip was still 14% amazing, amazing woman. (laughing) (laughing) Goat balls. Bring us some goat cheese balls, I think. So that was pretty funny 'cause Jax is a loser and everyone's like, "This is so sweet." And, you know, again, this episode, actually, you would never know it from how I'm talking, but it actually made me feel for Jax because I've never really looked at him as this pathetic before. And now I'm like, "You've ruined your face. "You're ruining your body. "You're ruining your brain, obviously, with drugs "if you had one." And now, at the end of the day, you're in a place where people will still love you. You know, any other town, that guy would be poor, kicked out of everywhere. No one would speak to him. And here, people will still embrace you even though you're an emotional fuckwit who does nothing but use people. Oh, LA, let's hug. - Well, but you know what, though? I mean, he's running out of women because the fact that he's now talking to a girl in Kentucky over Instagram, I mean, that means that there's no one left in LA for him to go for 'cause, you know, why would he have to bother? - We've all been to the Grove, Ben. - There are desperate horrors everywhere on both sides of this sexual spectrum who will fuck anything for anything. And if he's not getting anything from somebody besides somebody from Kentucky, it's probably 'cause he is fucking somebody here and lying to her and telling her he's not fucking anybody. And that doesn't count 'cause it's just on Instagram in Kentucky. - That's true. - Lying, lying, sack of shit. Let's hug. - Sorry, I started to say so, but it came out as a big sound. - Yeah, you're like kissing me. - Yeah, I don't blame you. - This would be a feeling. - So, I think it's this reference. - The Snooty-Tooty New York ass. - Okay, so then we go to a hair salon called, like, Spoken Wheel and it looks so ridiculous. And for Sheena's upcoming birthday, Tom Schwartz is getting a perm, so he can look extra 70s. - He's like, I don't want to be a douchebag like I was last year. I'm like, you have Elvis sideburns and you're getting a perm too late. Sorry, you failed. - You're on the show. You're on my good douchebag. Sorry. - And you're so hot. I still make out with you. - Let's do it. - So now it's Sheena's birthday and this birthday is held in like a ballroom at the on top of the Andaz. The entire thing, it looked like a crappy reception at a pharmaceuticals convention. You know, it's like, all right, you know, it's for day two of pharmaceutical con, we are having a costume reception at the Holiday Inn. That's what it looked like honestly to me. - I wrote down Gigi's hair extension party. - Yes, yes, that's exactly what it looked like. It was just like, they could not make that space look cool. It was just like too big and empty and the lights were on full blast. It was just like this awful, awful place. I mean, hey, if the Andaz wanted to host my birthday party, I'd be glad to have it in that corporate environment. But, you know, I mean, I guess it's a step up from Mixology 101, right? - Look, it's free. You know, it's like I go to Baja Fresh 'cause I get a coupon from there. Otherwise it'd be LaSosa. - Yeah. - Love you, Bob. - So it's Shannon's birthday party and Jack's brought Carter, not Carmen because Carmen was out doing something. - Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. - We call Carmen, for those of you guys who are new to the podcast, we call Carmen mine, mine, mine 'cause she sort of is, she sort of is possessive of Jack but more importantly, she looks like the seagulls in a funny Nemo who are like mine, mine, mine, mine. - I forgot about that. - Poke out from the side. - Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. - Oh, so good. - Of course, she's-- - Of course, of course, she needs dressed as Madonna. She's the star, singing off key for dollars and she's fucking Gilligan with an Instacart. Darling, somehow it works. It's like, her poor boyfriend is walking around all slubby. I don't know if he was Gilligan or like Gilligan MacGyver. I don't know what he's gonna do in any decade. He just was like, oh, he is a Hawaiian shirt. I got the gap in 1999. - I'm in the decade whenever they invented like home grocery delivery and I don't have to leave the house to buy a costume. - Go against that. - And Kristen walks in to crush the party and I'm, you know what, look, I am for everybody's surgery. Let's all do it. Look how you wanna look. We can choose to be whatever we wanna be but when your tits are literally pointing out things in the room, it's time to read. You think either your tits or your outfit, like you gotta do one. Vicki's sitting there crying about her dead mom while her tits are literally pointing, ones at the ceiling, ones at the carpet, then this one is walking in like all subtly with a shirt down a rubelli button and I don't even know what her tits were doing. It's almost like they move on their own. - They look like two Triceratops horns, you know, they're just pointing out like that. - They look like those drag queens breastplates and they use still in Austin. I don't know how those are so in but every drag queen I've seen in Austin has those big breastplates or wear. - Yeah, exactly. Well, what I love is Kristen's like, "Well, clearly I was not technically invited "but I know that Shino really deep down "wants me out of birthday party, seriously, seriously." - Shino deep down, nothing. That's the end. There is no Shino deep down, okay? - There is no, yeah, thank you, thank you. Deep down Shino. - No, your syntax in this code does not compute. It just ends with Shino. That's the end. She doesn't even spell Shino right. - Okay. - If you deep down is through the other side, like if you look at, Shino stands in certain ways she just disappears 'cause there's no depth, there's no depth there. It's just a, it's like flat, flat, what's flat Stanley, whatever? It's flat, it's Shino. (laughing) Just take Shino and just put it in front of the Eiffel Tower or any other geographic place and send pictures someplace. They're like, "What's flat Shino?" - Play a few loops. - When they have a tea kettle screaming about, I don't know, like fucking somebody with her butt. I don't know, whatever song they're about. - Fuck me up the bar, fuck me up the bar. (singing) - It's from the bar. - So Kristen of course goes up to James and he's like, "Oh, Kristen, could you get me a drink?" And she's like, "Uh." - She's like, "Seriously, how's your drinking?" - Seriously. - "You're drinking, how many do you have?" "You're drinking, I can't believe you're drinking." Like, "You're pressing play, drinking." So irresponsible. - He's like, "It's a really big gig for me, Kristen." I have to, I need to be licked up, all right? It's too big, I'm too much, too much anxiety. I'm playing the undazs, all right? I'm playing the undazs. - How have you heard of M-Ad? It's MacBooks against drunk driving, okay? (laughing) So many keyboards have been ruined by drunk DJs, okay? - So she's like, but I love that this is like a fight when she's like, "How many of you have?" She's like, "I've had only one." And he's like, "You know, nothing gets me madder." Then when someone questions my sobriety and that just makes me wanna drink a lot. Like, well, yeah, that's why they question your sobriety. - People ask me if I'm drunk, you know what I do? I like to get really drunk, just to piss them off. Well, that's what they ask you. - You sure showed them. - You sure, yeah. - He's like in a pile on the side of the freeway. It's like, RIP, he sure showed them, stupid. - Yeah, but meanwhile, we understand why he's driven to drink because we see the scene of Tom, like he's like doing this roller skating dance and like the only person who's any paying any attention is Kristen, she's like taking pictures and laughing. She's like, "Yay, Tom." - Seriously, Tom is the best costume roller skater I've ever seen, seriously. - I'm gonna show Tom by posting an Instagram of whom roller skating and Photoshop my face into it. My costume is, I'm on Tom's Instagram. That's it. - My costume is the decade that Tom and I were dating. - I'm playing Valpack surgery. That's who I am. - Valpack surgery. I got my surgery at bed bad and beyond 'cause I got a 20% off one of my boobs. - I had money left over, so I also got a swiffer. (laughing) - I bought one of those husbands. You know, I thought it was a real husband. Turns out it's a pillow you put on your bed. - I got one of those things you hang on your couch arm to hold the remote control and then I fucked its best friend on the couch. It got so mad. I'm sorry. I got an impulse buy of a barrel of caramel popcorn and then I got another impulse buy of blowing someone. (laughing) Oh my God. She's not going, this is so random, but she goes. - Wow. I just got married and now I'm turning 30 and it's like, this is the last time I get attention until I'm pregnant and even then you have to get fat and it's done with the baby sparring. So, yay, Marriott! - Yeah, I can't, I wrote that down too. Like, I couldn't believe she was like, there's my last opportunity to send our attention for a while. I'm like, yeah, I have the feeling you'll find a way. It's like, guys, my Amazon Prime shipment's coming in today. I need you guys all to pay attention. Look out for a box. Seriously, it's my box, please. And Ryan. (laughing) - So, so, so, so good. Oh, mom, happy, okay. - Well, Ken, oh, also at this time is that Ken walked in and he pulls over Tom and he's like, don't ever disrespect my wife. I was like, oh, Ken, look at you getting all like lock stock and tea smoking barrels on Tom there. The next time you disrespect my wife, I'll show up here wearing matching shirt with my dog. We'll see how you like that. He's like, uh, but wait, you are already, you're already doing that. - I will silently fart and not admit it. - You just did that. - Well, all right, well, I'm done. Just stop doing it, please, thank you. Grab some by the way. - Stop beating me, old man. - This is, by the way, this party was perfect for Ken. I mean, for the first time ever, he looked like he finally was fitting in, you know, decades party, eighties. So then... - He's like, people are wearing wigs from every era here. It's just like our closet darling. Do you remember Oreo, our sweet little dog? Look, Ariana's wearing her right now. (laughing) God bless all of God's creatures. - Duran Duran forever. So then Lisa then talks to Kristen and they're like, you know, Lisa just goes right after people at parties and tells them off about work shit. She's like, Kristen, ever since you left, the catch-up bottles have been cleaned. There is no catch-up crusted on the outside. What do you think of that little miss, Kristen? She's like, I think that's really judgmental. And I think that you're being like really judgmental and like unfair to point a blame at me. And like, darling, your tits are pointing at literally everyone in the room. (laughing) If anyone's gonna stop pointing, it needs to be those, darling. Put away the sail tips. Darling, you know, I know it's a decades party, but there's no reason for you to get boobs like Madonna's Vogue video. All right, let's just put the blonde ambition away. All right, let's just let me take this. If you keep this up, your boss boy slash waiter slash DJ will only be a slash nothing 'cause he'll lose his job. - Kristen's like, he's just pressed play. - Well, it's the loser privilege. - Kristen, all right, let me set it. Let me make it better to be clear for you, all right? I know the owner of Cabo Cantina, all right? And if you come to serve one more time, I am not going to recommend that James, DJ at Cabo Cantina, all right? (laughing) Use their way, I'll make sure that James gets every opportunity a DJ could dream of, all right? - If you come back one more time, I'm calling Muhammad and telling him to shut down the cotton factories in India and we'll see how far your T-shirt line goes. She's like, okay, sorry Lisa. - That's right. If you keep coming to serve, I will see to it that James's DJing skills get bound from every corner of Nixology 101. - Mm-hmm. - We, if you don't stop coming, I'm banning all Taylor Swift remixes and your boyfriend will have nothing to play. - Ugh, but you really understand what it's like being broken up with, ugh. - If you keep coming to serve, I am going to demand that James never play his remix of "Dream" ever again. He loves me not. (laughing) - So that becomes something of Kristen trying to tell off Lisa. And obviously the reason Lisa is the queen is because she cannot be bothered with any of these stupid fucking people. She's just like, all right then, do you understand? Do you hear me catch up, quest lever? - She's like, whatever, you're dumb. She's like, ugh. And she walks away and Kristen's like, kisses, oh yeah, kisses sweetheart, oh yeah, let's kiss. - Kristen tried to out Vanderpump, Vanderpump. She's like, oh well, it was lovely to see you. How lovely to see you again, Lisa. Kisses, kisses, two for two, and T for you and you for me and T for two. - Lisa's like, idiot. She just walks away looking like, what a moron. - Do I ever have to speak to her again? Don't make me ever do this in a mariade again. All right, there's two bads. - And Ariana's watching, she's just like, but. - And then Ariana and Tom go, oh wait, no. So then Jax, this is, I love this. Jax is sitting outside with his mom. And she's like, oh, what lovely friends you have here? And he's like, he's like, yeah, I love all these guys. Like, you see those two, like Tom and Tom? The Tom's, those two are like my brothers. I would do anything for them. I'm like, yeah, like even sleep with their girlfriends if necessary. You know, you try to get one broken up with his girlfriend and out at his affair and then you fuck the other one's girlfriend. Good job. And his mom's probably like, good job. Just like a Tatcha kid. Did you get anything from their house? - Show me their candles. - Yeah, I was like, yeah, I would do any, he literally would do anything for them or to them really. - Or with them probably. I mean, he knows he has been working on that dick. - Yeah. So then Tom and Ariana are sitting in the corner or sort of moping 'cause Kristen's there. - Oh, someone told Ariana to get a storyline this year. - Watch out, everybody. The nice, quiet girl has to make drama now. Come on, I like her. Don't fuck with her. I like her. Leave her likeable. - Ariana. - And she's like, yeah. - Ariana's like, I think I have a fake friend, you know, because she still friends with Kristen. I'm like, you know, she was friends that were all last season too. But like now she's suddenly getting mad about it. So Tom's like, hey, you know, Ariana, you know, when she gets weird, I'll look at you and you can look at me and we can take a fucking vacation. - I'm like, yeah, it's like the polka nose. I don't know where that vacation is. - It's like, he's like, why do you talk so much with a wig on? You're so quiet when you're blonde. Hey babe, I got an idea. Let's never dye your hair, okay? Okay, great. - It's like the most she's ever said in 10 seasons. She said on this one scene. She's like, she needs to be trying me blah, blah, blah. I don't know, I don't like it. Don't try against Sheena. She's just being nice. Like everybody doesn't have to be mean to Kristen. You're the one who was fucking her boyfriend and let's stop pretending that you weren't, by the way, 'cause you totally were. Not that she's innocent and you're all 20, so fuck everybody. But still, you were the one fucking your boyfriend and then stole the boyfriend and now you're acting like she just won't get over it. Yeah, 'cause you took her boyfriend. So you kinda earned that one, okay? - Yeah. So the other thing that this season is setting up a little bit, which we've seen from the previews, is that there are some issues between Sheena and Shae. And so we didn't talk about this, but at one point, we're like, when Lisa walked in, she's like, "Where's your husband?" And then the music was like, "Dang, dang, dang." And you see like Shae walking around in the crowd. They were trying to make it look like it was like some awful rift. It was just like he was just trying to get the crowd. - He was burning in like a spare USB cord from a car for James, running around in his Gilligan's hat and she was like, "Where is he?" - He's like, "I need my U.S., I need my converta right now. "I gotta play a Tina Arena remix, right now." (laughing) - So, so anyway, so to further this thing, they cut to Shae chugging from like two bottles, big ball, but then they cut to James. - A fireball, James is like chugging. He's like, "Give me the fireball, give me the fireball." Which is like the basic bitch cocktail, you know, or liquor. - It totally. - You guys wanna shut a fireball. (laughing) - Trisha drunk on her birthday in the hot tub. - Like, "I have sloths on." - Oh, for fireball shots. - Yeah, so getting wasted on fireball and then porn, it's like the Costco size too. It's like this giant chug and he's pouring it all over his face and Tom goes. - Yeah, he's embarrassing. He's like, he's like that shot in the porno movie, the money shot, you know, it's like coming and then it's like splirting on your face and it's like dripping down. It's like you're revving it all over somebody for no reason. I'm like, "What?" - What movies are you pouring? - I know. - I know where they are, my girl. - He's like, "Is that one with that boxer who is drugged?" (laughing) - This is the boxer, he's like, "I'm suing people "because I got drugged and tricked into doing gay porn "and drinking off fireball." - Yeah. - Everyone shot with the fireball. A boxer drink fireball? - He's like, "I thought I was supposed to be "or on camera pouring fireball down someone's throat "and the next thing I know, I was ejaculating "on a deep British DJ." (laughing) - That's Anna. - They made me ejaculate on a MacBook Air. I'm suing. - Yeah, so then base of the episode ends with James scene, like, "Well, I'm sorry that I'm drinking, "but Kristen draws me to drink." - God. - Well, at least she literally drives you to drink. Like, she drives you to every bar that you get wasted at and then she complains about you being drunk. That's like, that's so a template for this show. Because then coming up with Sheena, she was like, "Ah, my husband only does draws and eats." - I'm like, "Oh, really? "Did you think that marriage was gonna change any of that?" - Or, stupid. - I just love how the Sheena impersonation just has her going, "Ah." (laughing) - Well, Sheena's new thing this year, which I'm loving Sheena is that she does the Sheena. Like, she knows that everybody makes fun of her for being a bimbo. So now she's like embracing the bimbo thing and trying to make it funny, but it's not funny that she's commenting on it 'cause she doesn't even understand it. You know what I mean? Like, she doesn't understand her own stereotype. So now she's doing this thing where she's like, "Well, it's my birthday, so I'm gonna party." Right? - And then she shimmies her shoulders. She does like the littiest shimmie. Please watch out for it 'cause she did it in every diary room and I laugh so hard 'cause she's just trying to be like, that sexy wacky mix, Sheena. But she's just saying like, "I'm done. "I brought them broad sex. "Shimmish, shimmish, shoulders." And I'm like, "Oh, you're correct." - Oh my God, I love this show. I'm so glad it's back. I love doing it on hallucinations. And really, nothing really happens on this show, but it's, oh God, it's so fun. - Catch up, drama. And then they have the coming this week on this show are always the best and I only wrote down one thing, so don't worry. But next week, or coming up-- - This season on Vanda Pomp Rules, that's what we call the smoking uber. - Yeah. - James gets butt cheating because of an uber receipt. - Love it. The smoking uber is my favorite thing I've ever heard. - Smurburr. - Smurburr. - Okay. - So now let's go on to some more weight staff. Let's go to a pretty ski. So I didn't write notes because I knew if I wrote notes, it would just be craziness. But, you know, let's just talk about your, just for before we jump into this show. - Yeah, let's just do a general, 'cause I did take notes, but we don't need to do an hour on this show. - Definitely. - Let's just talk about it. We'll keep watching and see how we feel about it, 'cause I think that there's promise here, and I literally did laugh out loud in a few parts of it. - Yeah, me too. Oh, I just kicked my foot against the table for no reason. Oh, wow, wow, wow. I can't believe this is what happened to me on the first week of Vanda Pomp Rules, right now. - You should have stolen a better table, honey. - I know. So, yeah, so, I'm sorry. I interrupted you with my bodily harm. Go on. I want you to know that even when I'm taking notes on these shows, I still go back. And I'm like, "Oh, wait, I forgot to say something." So, I wrote on the top of this one, Tamara. Wait, she's a bitch. She's a bitch, so that makes you not a bitch. That's not how bitch math works. Batch! I don't know why I thought that would be important to say, but there I said it. - I'm glad you just got it off your chest. - In this show, so this is basically a concierge show. So, it's like below deck. - Yeah, it seems exactly like below deck, actually. I feel like it's probably the same producers. It's a template, you know? It's like their million dollar listing, and now I can't even watch it, because it's just the same thing over and over again. But, this is their attempt at below deck, but this time, instead of being stuck in a jail, the waders can, or the maids can, like, walk around the room. - Yeah, which I think is actually one of the problems with this show. So, the premise is-- - Not all those workers walking. - Walking, too much walking. So, the idea is, there's this guy, you know what, let me bring up the webpage so I can get their names. I need to get their names. - Just give them types. So, there's, like, the fatter gay guy in Iron, Plaid, and a belt that doesn't work, but I think he's nice, but he can't be right. - Well, so, what I was gonna say, what I was gonna say, though, is that there's this guy, the Gibbons, I forget his first name, like Joey, or something like that, but he is, I guess, he owns a lot of restaurants and places up there in Whistla, and, oh, Joey Gibbons, it is Joey Gibbons. So, he has put together this company called, like Gibbons Entertainment, or whatever it is, and it's gonna be concierges, like concierges to the-- - Rich people. - Rich people. You come and use our service, and we will give you these top-notch elite experiences, okay? And so, the premise of the show is that we're gonna follow these people, these concierges, and so, we've got Joey who owns the company, and he comes in and out, and then we have the-- The CEO of the company, who, she seemed pretty smart, I don't know why she was stuck in this, was that Charlotte, or it may have been someone else? Oh, that was Tamara. - That was the really nice-- - She's like really very nice and professional, and speaks like this, but you know she can rip your fucking throat out. - Yeah, so she is the CEO, and then we have the manager, the person who, so if you're looking at it, if Joey is Captain Lee, and Tamara is, she's sort of like another Captain Lee, like small Captain Lee, and then you have Elise, and Elise is basically like the Eddie, okay? She is the manager of all the concierges, okay? And then everyone else is a concierge. And-- - You know how you were saying earlier that Jackson's run out of women to fucking LA, like everybody's too embarrassed, 'cause they all know who he is? I feel like that about rich people in LA. - No one will do these shows anymore, so now they're just like, well it's just some kind of, yeah, who needs the money? I mean, let's get some, you know, out of work fucking waiters or whatever, just put them on a mountain this time. They're like, great, sounds great! No one's learned yet, it's still like poor people, you know, having to do terrible things for Bravo. - Yeah, and so I think the reason why this show so far has not been as interesting or entertaining as Below Deck, is that Below Deck, even if it's scripted with a guest who come on or off it, like it's a realistic scenario. There are yachts and yachts have staffs and they have guests, you know? And so it makes sense why all these people are living on top of each other and they're going crazy, 'cause they're stuck on this boat for months, you know, and they have real jobs that they have to do and they are slaving away and rich people are doing whatever. So that all kind of like makes sense. But in this one, it's like, oh, we're concierges and now we're all gonna live in a house together, which doesn't make sense, except it's a reality show. So we're gonna do this real world thing, where all the concierges live together and they're all just kind of like babysitting. It doesn't have that same-- - Well, I think what-- - It's more contrived. - Yeah, I think the deal is because I was wondering why it's so temporary because it's really rare for so to just be like, okay, we're just shooting for a month, be nice to each other for that long and we're done, you know? But I think the reason is because it's a startup, so they're just doing it temporarily anyway. So it seems like they have enough money to do this business for three months and in that three months, they're gonna try and sell this business. So to me, it's like a reality show of that. Like this guy trying to make a business that will actually make him money when it's probably like one of 20 terrible ideas he has. Like rich people are already pampered. They don't need to pay you to be pampered. That's what they're doing in Whistler in the first place. They're at their house with mains. Like what do they need you for? - Yeah, and also like with the yacht, some of you just feel like the stakes are a little higher in the sense that they have to act so professional to these people and then there's chaos happening. I mean, the last episode of Below Deck, it's a perfect example where things were going to shit and they have to like maintain this illusion. Whereas in this show, none of them are professional. They're all acting like jackasses and they're walking around, I mean, they're taking off their clothes, they're drinking with the guests, they're wearing like shitty clothes. I mean, when that scene where Elise is the manager is like, could you guys try to look more professional? And Lindsey is wearing like a North Face like fleece or something and a snow cap and like spandex, what's she's wearing? She's like, I feel like this is pretty dressed up. I'm like, you're an idiot. - Well, the thing is that this girl, Elise doesn't understand is that that is. I mean, she is dressed very cute. They're in freezing cold weather in snow all day. You cannot be wearing high heels and like stockings. - Yeah, but they look like schlubs though. They were dressed up but they were like, they didn't, there's gotta be a way to be a luxury. There's gotta be a way to dress warmly as a luxury concierge, but they're not wearing heels, but you know, something that's functional, but also fashionable. I mean, they did look at like schlub and they were like, well, it's mountain. - It's mountain, this is mountain, this is mountain top. - Let me tell you, there is something with mountain people. There's something with them. They all do that, they all say that. They're like, oh, you're a mountain person also. My best friend is like that. - Ah, Montana, in Montana, it's different. But that's not how we do things on Montana. You know, we should go camping 'cause I'm Montana. I'm like, this is not Montana, okay? Embrace them all a bit. I'm not going to, I'm not gonna go camping. Stop, stop asking me every month. I'm not doing it ever again. I had to poop in a hole, no, but they do that. They're like, oh, you're mountain people, wow. And basically that means you like stringy hair, putting on deodorant every three days, and like laying down while occasionally playing outside. Sounds good to me, you sound like a dog. - Yeah, they're kind of like assholes. I mean, on this show, they're kind of like whatever. This is not the way we do it. This is not how you do mountains. That's not how mountains are. - It's like LA people but in mountains. Like, they're so not out there. Like, they're so not mountain. - But I'm kind of like, well, it may not be mountain, but you know what, these people are rich people and they're not paying for mountain. If they wanted mountain, they could go to like Denny's and hire someone for, you know, $25 to show them the mountains or something. You know, like, this is, this is, this is supposed to be a luxury concierge, at least try to look the part in some way, Jesus. - The casting is so weird because none of them actually do these jobs. Like none of them are actually doing these jobs. They're just actors and they say it right up front that they don't know what they're doing. So even the boss, what's her buns, the Kate of the show, whatever her name is. - Oh, I mean, Elise? - Yeah, the thing is, the difference is she's not good, like she's not good at her role. And she's acting like this is, I don't know, like big brother or something where people leave. She's like, I'm doing this for my daughter. I left my seven year old or my six year old or whatever to do, to give her a better life. Like, what do you think is gonna happen after this? You're gonna get fired and they're gonna hire somebody else to run the company when it's purchased. Like, that's how it works. But you know, I kind of like her because she's so like sad and angry and I know really all she needs is a hug. And so I wanna get to know her so that I can never hug her and just keep it going. - See, I like her and Kendra, who is the other girl, the other city girl. I like them the most, but even that saying that, Elise is like not professional at all. Like when she's in that gondola and they're going up and something happens and they ask her what the mountain is at the ground up there. She's like, oh, I'm actually not sure at all. And they're like, oh, that makes it juggle a bad magic. And she's like, actually, are you having a good time? Because he's like, yeah, he's like, well, since you're having a good time, I think that's actually good management skills, actually. I'm like, well-- - Yeah, she fought with the customer in a gondola where you can't leave. Like you can't just get out. So then they're stuck in this awful long ride and like the girlfriend's terrified or whatever. So then they get to the top of the stupid mountain. Oh my God, this is where it actually got good because the people that are getting are awful. So now the real people, you know, it's almost like top set now where the real customer or the real dinner guests-- - Well, they did a top chef. Didn't they do a top chef challenge or a quick fire where they had to make something on that gondola ride that they were, you know-- - Yes. Yes, they all had the three makes something on the gondola, that was so funny. But yeah, this one is like when they have the real people like who are the audience members or whatever at the dining experience. And at first it used to be people like, well, this maybe is a bit under salted. And now it's full of drama queens who are like, I have never been so disgusted with a meal in my life. And they're like, oh, shut up real person. Be quiet. - Yeah. - No one really goes what you think. And that's kind of this show. So the people are ready to start drama already. It's this idiot, these idiot people on this one. And it's like some rich guy with some girl who's way too young and way too hot for him as usual. And she's a fucking idiot as usual. And she's sitting there like, I'm a vegan. You guys know that, right? - Maybe you should have mentioned that before you were on top of a fucking mountain, dude. - Well, also, so even before that, like they had to get to the gondola and they were wearing heels, which admittedly, they should not have been like, it's not good, it's not good terrain for heels. But she was like, you know, like, they told us to wear a cute outfit and wearing shoes. Cute shoes is part of a cute outfit. That's like, oh, like God, shut up. - They did tell her Matt though. 'Cause she said, well, are we allowed to wear heels? And the girl's like, yeah, well, I'm wearing heels. So if I'm allowed to, you're allowed to. No, it's not, am I allowed to. It's like, do heels work in the snow? But how would she know? I mean, yeah, they don't know. - I mean, it was definitely the company's fault on that front, but still, the way the girl is like, they tell me to wear a cute outfit. And this is a perfect cute outfit. So, and then they get in the gondola. And you know, the guy, her boyfriend, had spoken to these conciergers and said, yeah, the only thing is that my girlfriend has to eat organic, but that's it. And so they get on, they're like, well, at least he's like, well, we got a plate of charcuterie that you're gonna enjoy. And she's like, I'm vegan. - I don't eat sharks. - Yeah. (laughs) I don't care how cute they are. - And me, while Elise is like, well, you can have some bignoles. And she's like, no. - Yeah, the boss. She's like, well, yes. We've totally planned for that. Have some lovely seeds. - Have some lovely seeds. - They're right. - She's such a bitch. That was so funny. And then when they were like, well, we can't walk on the snow 'cause we have heels. And she goes, she tells us, I'm gonna fix this because that's my job. And that's what I do. - Yes. - Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. She goes, it cuts to her fixing it. She goes, well, here's what's gonna happen. You've got to get on the gondola and there's snow. So you're gonna have to walk across the snow. It's like, wow, wow, you dealt with it by yelling at the customers. - Yeah, I thought she was gonna go like fine, like a cat or something, or like do that thing. Like in Shakespeare in Love putting down the capes that way Queen Elizabeth doesn't have to step in the puddle. But instead she's just like, okay, well, I guess I'll have to get on the back of the guys. So I-- - Here's me so walk on her. Yeah, that was so funny. - She is not built for this job. She's just telling everybody off. So they go, oh, go ahead, go ahead. - No, I like how you do it. This is so good. It's like kind of watching it and semi fast forward and just commenting on things I like. - So then they get into the, they get in the gondola and she's like, I'm vegan. And they're like, okay, she's like, yes, I can't have any of this. And then she's like, and we're really high up. I just, this is making me sick. I like, I want to get off this like right now. Is there any way to get the office right now? I'm like, bitch, do you see where you are? You are dangling in between two different mountains. There is no-- - I want to get off. - And then the manager starts calling people on the ground, she's like, we have a situation. We have to get the fucking bimbo and a fake fur off the gondola. Like, what are you gonna do? You wouldn't even help her walk across snow. You're not gonna get her off the gondola. - Yeah, exactly. - So funny. And then she's trying-- - I'm just like, I'm gonna have such a story to tell everyone at Hot Topic. - She's trying to make everybody calm. You know how the manager comes to your table if there's a problem, like, oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Can we get you a free dessert? - So she's like, well, is there anything we can do to make this situation, I guess, like, lesser you being a cut fitness? How about that? - And the guy goes, yeah, you can give us our money back. - You're on Bravo, getting a trip for free, and you're still asking for your money back. These people must really suck. - Yeah, you know, definitely, that was, I mean, thank God for this whole scene, because before this whole scene, I was like, well, this shows okay, but when this happened, I was like, okay, this is entertaining. This entire scenario is totally contrived, but I'm enjoying it. - The reason I actually did like it was because I think that there is really strong potential for the people on this show to be crazy. Every one of them is nuts, and they're just behaving right now 'cause it just started, but they're all crazy. - And the one, the first note I wrote is-- - Nerd Girl With Makeover. - Yes, Eyebrows. - Eyebrows. - She's like the nerdy girl, who masturbated in the locker room and picked her nose in high school, and then got a makeover, and so now she's cool, but her eyes are too wide open because she's thinking too hard about everything. Like, you just know she's a nerd, and her eyebrows are too perfect, and I was like, I cannot wait till she opens her mouth. And sure enough, she's like, yeah, well, here's one of all I think. (laughing) And then she speaks in these old memes. Like, everything she says, she'll be like, that guy's so sexy. It's always Friday night for him. Like, everything's so little, like, cat meme. It's so good, and I wrote down a bunch of 'em. - She is, she is one of those. She's like, well, it's a, it's work in the front and party in the back whenever she's one of those people. Everything is the same, yes. - She, yeah, her eyebrows were out of control. I mean, little caterpillars up there. And she was so dumb, she was so dumb, and she was snotty too, but I loved when, when Elise, as a manager, was trying to ask questions, you know, trying to get to know the staff, and she's like, what would you say your greatest weakness is? And she's like, oh, I'm not detail-oriented. (laughing) Yeah, maybe your biggest weakness is you don't know how to answer questions properly. (laughing) And she was, she did something really snotty during the show where I was just like, you know what I did not like? 'Cause Elise comes in dressed up to the office. Admittedly, a little bit overdone. She's got the stupid Megan King Edmonds headband thing that I hate. - But overall, look at her hair all messed up. She looked fucking ridiculous. Let's admit it, and she's trying to run a meeting. You will never get respect because of your stupid gold headband. It all comes down to that me, and... - Yeah, she overdid it, but like, for some reason, I really didn't like the way this girl Charlotte and Jim, who is like the hunk. We're just kind of like, she's dressed like she's from Vegas. She's going out to Vegas, da-da-da-da. I'm like, you know what, enough, that's your boss. (laughing) No, I mean, of course, everyone likes to talk shit about their boss. But for some reason, when they did it, I kind of felt like... - 'Cause they're being snotty. Like there's one thing about talking about your boss behind her back, but clearly not giving her respect and starting shit with her publicly is not full. Even though she's a terrible boss and she kind of deserves it, she's obviously never done this before. - And then, one thing is when she goes in, they confront her at one point. They get in a fight because there's a professional skier who's like extreme sports, and she's famous. And so you think she's gonna come on to like lead them in some way, and she comes on, she's like... - I'm a skateboard, I'm famous, and like extreme sports. Like when I heard about this opportunity to come be a waiter, I was like, hell yeah. - So she shows up later than everybody else. They're all in the middle of a meeting. She comes in late and she's like, hey dudes, what's up? - And she sits down in the middle of a meeting and she goes, so... - How about everybody tell me a little bit about themselves? How about you headband? Who are you? - And she's like, your boss? She goes, no. - Oh wow, very authoritative, good job. (laughter) - I know, I think it was that, I think the reason why I was like angry at them, making fun of Lisa's outfit, is because up until that point, anytime Jim, or Lindsey, or Charlotte, who are basically the three white people, or there's also the gay guy, Bobby, but he wasn't bothering me as much. But up until that point, anytime they spoke, it was this like whiny, entitled thing, like we're just part of the mountain, and like this, we're just like open-minded people, whatever, and then they are just like being little bitches, I don't know, just they, for some reason, - I just, I'm sorry, I'm telling you, it's in every town, you know, it's like people here, like that's not out there, but it's like, you're on a fucking mountain, it's all shit, okay, you're all ridiculous. - Yeah, for some reason they just really rubbed me the wrong way, so when they came for a lease, I was like, no, no, she's your boss, and she's trying to be professional, and you're supposed to be luxury concierges, why don't you look professional? - Yeah, none of them do, and when they kind of confronted her about the dress code, and they're like, well, we don't want to look like a stuck up bitch, and then the ski girl goes, well, maybe Gibbons will spring for some red shoes, and then they cut to the boss's red stilettos, which are stupid, but you can't say that in the staff meeting, I don't care if you think you're famous, I don't know who you are, nobody knows who you are, what are you talking about, it's like sky skiing, who cares, you're trying to ski in the sky, that's dumb, you're gonna break your neck, that's stupid, and you're also fucking the biggest HIV risk on the entire show, that guy is such a whore, he's like, oh, I'm hot, and I fuck everything I see. - I don't think, you know, cover up, wrap it in saran wrap, 'cause you're about to get another hot girl on trouble, and all the hot people immediately want to fuck each other, it's so dumb, and I love watching it, I really liked it, that ski girl is gonna be crazy, the professional skier, or snowboarder is gonna be a nut. - When she walked in, like you were saying, and started asking people, she started acting as if she was like a supervisor, and then she asked, and I'm sorry, who are you? I'm like, you, you are going to get, you know, like you were a crazy, crazy stoned bitch right now. - Those hippies, the ones who pretend that they're all cool hippies are always the most evil underneath, that's why they go to fucking yoga every day, okay, they're trying to work through this shit. - I also, by the way, Bobby, the gay guy, he seems pretty cool, but one thing I don't like, so he takes these three cougars, essentially, two hot springs, they're hanging around, and he's fetching them things, but he's in his underwear, and he's like, he's like, yeah, it's not my first time having straight women want to have sex with me. I'm like, you know what, you just calm down, all right? - They don't want to have sex with you, they're literally making you go chip ice off the mountain to put their drinks right around their underwear. - Yeah, they really give us glacier ice, boy. - 'Cause legit, the main hot guy is gone. When they got the ladies a stripper, he was just wearing an apron and bringing them champagne, and they're like, wow, a stripper. Well, you know who we'd rather see? How about you trade that apron for your clothes, and they're talking to the hot guy, and poor gay guy immediately was relegated to rubble status. Like, immediately, it's like, there we go, it's the alpha, the alpha's the hot one, and even though you work out and never eat and are fairly cute and fairly tame for a bravo gay, you're still the rubble in the end. - Yeah, I mean, I totally liked him, but I didn't like that moment of cockiness, like-- - And just calm yourself. Not every woman, I'm sure, wants that sex made. - Well, especially when he's like, you guys, I just have to say this, you're tits, wow. 'Cause they did have all of those, like, we just got divorced, let's all get gigantic, glad bags full of saline. - Yeah, we can't even walk with, you know? So, so, so funny. - I like him, I mean, I like him, okay, because he's still gay enough without being, you know, two bravo-ies, not like real housewives of Atlanta yet. - He's not like Dwight Ubanks, or something like that. - Yes. - So I do like it. - But I will say, by the way, about the outfits, I don't understand why the owner and Joey Gibbons didn't actually get them uniforms. I mean, it doesn't, it's surprising to me. I mean, I'm not-- - Cheers in a hotel should wear a uniform, but not like that. Not when they're out on the town, like, working around. They should just look nice, I think. It's like the Vegas, the people who work in Vegas, that's like our family vacation spot when I was growing up, I've been there a zillion times. And so all the like high roller, you know, whatever, the concierge, what are they called? This is not concierge, but it's something like that. They take care of the rich people. They just look really nice and they're in suits and they're realers and dealers and have gorgeous offices where they try and trick you into doing shit, you know? And they need more of that on this show. Maybe like the mountain version, but-- - I think that like, I think that if it were me, if I were doing some sort of concierge company, because what I would do is you don't have the context of an entire casino around you. So it's like someone dressed up in the casino like that, you know that they work with the casino and I don't know. I think that like-- - Well and also that's trying to impress poor people. Don't forget. - Exactly. - Usually they're just trying to get poor people to sign up for the things. The rich people don't need it. - Yeah, like I think that like, I mean, just for the branding alone, like they should have, you know, special jackets that say something like Gibbons, company or whatever. I mean, if you look at Blodek, they're all in uniform and it all says arrows. - You know, I didn't get a new Photoshop photo for that, okay? He literally copied the Sarah Lee logo and just re-typed it because that's all it is. It's like a cross between Sarah Lee and Eggo. - I will say ultimately that with Blodek, you do feel like there, even if people have been cast to be on the show, there are people on there who do work on yachts and that there is an expectation of service and there is an acknowledgement of the wealth. Like knowing that you have to provide service that is on the same level of the amount of money that is being put into this, like that. - Oh yeah, totally. - No, and I think like on this show it does not-- - Colorado, right? Is that where Whistler is or is Whistler? - No, Whistler is in British Columbia. - Oh yeah, they're in Canada, that's right. - So the thing is, it just feels like these people are, it doesn't feel luxurious at all. - Well, I'm from Austin, so Austin is like that. It's like a town where it's like a ton of rich people but people will show up to a formal event in jeans and an eye shirt. And that's just their way. That's a mountain people, Ben. You won't understand them. You'll never understand them. - 'Cause you're not a mountain person, Ben. - I suppose so. - Well anyway, ladies, so there was a fight on the, there was a fight about the outfits and the boss got upset and she knew she lost her audience, so she pulled the, but I've gave up a lot of things for this to be on American Idol. Like what are you even talking about? It's like I gave up so much for this, I left my baby for this. And you know what? I'm really sick of people on reality shows acting like that's a positive thing. You're admitting to leaving your fucking child to come be on a bravo show that's probably paying you $20 an hour. Like please stop bragging like you're a great mother. That makes you an absentee parent fool. - I know, it's like, oh great. So you decided you wanted to take a shortcut in life and try to cash in on a reality show instead of working hard, like a good American. Bring your kid with you or, I don't know, just leave the kid. I don't even care if you leave the kid, but don't make me feel bad. It's kind of like the Brooks thing. Don't take Brooks and then make me feel bad about it later. It's your shitty choice. Like I'm not gonna feel bad because you left your kid. It's not like someone murdered your child and then kidnapped you and put you in a ski town, lady. And also Google your town, darling, no stilettos. But in general, I like her and I can't wait to see her not get hugged by anybody and just get sadder. - Yeah, I like the show, I'm looking forward to it. I think I feel like this is a good way to recap it until one of our other shows drops out. So, you know, we'll give it the show - Yeah, like moving it in our hair. - We'll make it into the characters and stuff maybe, but you know, frankly, I'm just sick of having my heart broken by Bravo. I get into this shit, they cancel it, then I'm upset. And people are like, why is it mostly house wise? Because we know the bitches. Like we're talking about shit we care about. When it's just stupid shit that they're trying to make a nickel off of by throwing, you know, a bunch of idiots in a mountain or, you know, who knows? Like the next one could be like people who work in a locker room, but a football stadium. I was like, great. - I'd watch that. - I'd like that. - Yeah, for the but alone. - But yeah, you know, I don't know. You gotta prove it, guys, do something. And I like it so far, but I can't wait to see nerd hot girl. I cannot wait to see all the memes 'cause I literally wrote down five today. So, you go girl. - Yeah, I'm excited to see where it goes. So anyway, I think that's basically it. - That'll do it. So thank you guys so much for listening to Watchwork Crapins. That was What Crapins. And we appreciate your support. Come to patreon.com/watchworkcrapins for bonus episodes. Come on to facebook.com at facebook.com/watchworkcrapins. And come to Watchworkcrapins to watchworkcrapins.com to find all of our social media. It'll probably look like Crap 'til next week, but the links are all still there. And that'll do it. We love you guys. We'll talk to you Thursday with The Miss Kate Chastain. - Oh, I'm so excited. - Oh, yay. - Hi. - Bye everybody. - If you like Watchwork Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. 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