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Texture is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. Try texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? This episode of Watch what Crapins is brought to you by our premium, patreon, subscriber, and kristy daugherty. Yay. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what Crapins a podcast. But all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mantleker from bsudblog.com and the Bantur Blender podcast. And joining me as always is the wonderful, the sweater vested and hilarious. Ronnie Cam from trashtalktv.com. Hey, Ronnie. Sorry, just under crossing my boots. He's under crossing. This is very exciting. Ronnie and I actually put on pants for this podcast. And boots and a sweater. And we actually convened in the same location because we are actually recording from the improv in the Hollywood. And we even have a famous person with us. It is a real famous person who performs here. Yes, I do, thank you. She is the very funny, very hilarious. Heather McDonald from the Juicy Scoop podcast, which with new episodes on Thursdays on podcast one. And this Thursday is you have Chris Jenner as my guest. Chris Jenner as my guest this Thursday. So yeah, please subscribe. I've got I think 17 episodes up. And then this week will be a new one coming Thursday. And I love doing it. It's really fun. That is really awesome. I get all the tabloids. Yeah, Chris Jenner is that's like their Kardashians are. I mean, the Kardashians are what keeping tabloids in print. Okay, but get them all. I read them all so that you don't have to. And sometimes a tablet will have a conflicting story like Sandy Bullock's boyfriend. One was like he's the worst person on earth. And the other one's like she's found her match. I read them both. He was kind of shady. He had a DUI. He had a young kid. He had some shit that happened. But now he is pretty great. I like that a DUI and a young kid are equal, terrible things. Not that terrible. That's what I was saying. Like when I really read it, I said no, that isn't that bad. He's sober now. And now he's still a hot babe and they seem to be happy. So Sandra's okay. But I did the research. I and evaluated it so that people at home can breathe. That should actually be the name of your podcast. I did the research. Yes. Justice hashtag justice with Heather McDonald. And by the way being a hot babe really makes up for a lot of bad things in your past, I think. Yes, definitely. And also Sandra Bullock will only date an asshole anyway. You know that Jesse James? Like what did she really think he was nice in the beginning? He probably peed on the tree on their first date. Like I was a pig. I think he was very aggressive with her. I think he like really pursued her. And I think a lot of guys don't have the balls to pursue Sandra Bullock. So I think she was like shit, this guy really likes me. And you know, he obviously hid his like sex addiction to, you know, Nazi tattoo. Yeah, I think he kept that on the back burner and like didn't let her know about it. I don't think Nazis was that hidden, was it? Like doesn't he have crazy tattoos or something? I mean, I'm just assuming in my mind he has like, you know. No, I don't think he has like misspelled Nazi things or like backwards swastikas. No, he's kind of dumb. That TV show is on his dad just yells at him. I like that. That's the only way I know him. And also being made this thing. I only know him from a celebrity apprentice. Who says Sandra Bullock really needs to fall in life. Her station needs to lower so she can be on one of these shows. But you know what, speaking of celebrity apprentice, I'd love to be on if someone can help me get on. Yeah, but I kind of liked when he was on, they were married. Yeah, but like he couldn't tap into that Hollywood world. All my friends are just me kidding. Some long beach, like keeping it real. And it's like, you're married to an Oscar winner. I'm going to win this challenge or not. But that's what makes me scared is if I ever got on celebrity apprentice, is I don't have that many rich friends. Yeah, I could get this. I could get Jill's errand. I could get Jill's errand. She would give me some money. I have a couple rich friends that live in Westlake Village. I have some Kardashians. But I feel like so much of celebrity apprentice is about how rich your friends are. And that's where I feel like it's a little unfair because it's not about like, I have a great marketing idea or a funny commercial I can write. But I still want to do it. And you're going to be Arnold. It's going to be Arnold. You win my fair charity. Well, first of all, you get paid. And let's not bullshit anybody. You do get paid because you're going to be gone for weeks. So you should get paid something. But then you can win money for your charity. Right, exactly. And you know, the thing is where I get stressed, not that I would ever be on celebrity apprentice because I'm never even close to being a celebrity. But if in like a fantasy world, I were. They did podcasts. I would do like a celebrity apprentice where they're like, and he's a gardener from America, or whatever. Well, I would be concerned about like shooting my wad too early with asking people for money. Because when the first challenge is always like, oh, you have to work a hot dog stand and whoever earns the most money. So it's really like you have to call up everyone and be like, will you buy a hot dog for $45,000? But then after that, when they do like two more of those, I can't keep asking the same people a little. I'm kind of bummed that it's not going to be Trump anymore. Because I liked it when Ivana and the one weird brother got involved. Like one of the not like cute. And then Ivana or Vanka would be out there. And she'd be like, oh, welcome. You know, Nabisco's a really exciting snack cracker. And I just want to know what your idea is about it. I like the color choices that she used, and that you did a different use to rock on the Nabisco cracker. And I think that was really quite inventive. I love the openness of your mobile home space. Yeah, oh, okay, great. Well, mine's actually a little bit disappointed in that about data. Oh my god. So now it's going to be Arnold. So we'll see what happens. I mean, okay. Put it out there, vote for me. I'd like to be on there. I know it'd be so good. I have to say. I feel like you could be like creepy flirty. I'm kind of excited. Yeah, I know, but you like your challenge. You did good on the box challenge. As much as, as much as I think Donald Trump, like I would never vote from for president. I think he's like crazy. I think the apprentice is the perfect venue for his craziness. Totally. And it's like, there's just no one as good as Donald Trump in those situations. I know. I mean, if you're removing it, if that if that was what it took to run our country, the president. Oh my god, please let him win the presidency. He's so funny. But anyway, speaking-- Let's get into the director. Let's get into let's get into bravo stuff. First of all, do you want to plug your social media? Yes. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Heather McDonald, Facebook at McDonald, Heather at Facebook is at Heather McDonald comedy. And my website is Heather McDonald.net for all my live dates. And I'll begin Cleveland in a couple of weeks in Tampa in November. So if you're from either one of those places, please come see me on your social media this morning. Thank you. If I research for the show, guys. Yeah, it's a very neat show. But I wanted to see what you're up to. So we could talk some shit. Yeah, let's go. We knew that your friends with all of these housewives, anyway, well, a lot of them, usually the ones we hate. Let's be honest. But your friends with so many of the Orange County ladies, and you were just having dinner a couple nights ago with them. Oh, who did you have dinner with? It was amazing. OK. First of all, I've probably been friends with Heather. I mean, with Tamara, Judge, is probably the closest that I'm the closest with. We really are friends. We really talk on the phone. I really like her a lot. We just met through-- I think I've eventually-- I met Vicki first, because Vicki knew my book agent. And I was obsessed with the show. When nobody else was watching it, but probably you guys, I watched it. And I was like, I remember going. I was on Chelsea lately. And I was like, this is a hilarious show. We have to parody this. And they're like, no one's watching it. We don't know what you're talking about. And I'm like, imitating Vicki back then. Like, I was obsessed with everything about it. And so my book agent goes, hey, Vicki loves you. Brianna thinks you're amazing. They're having a barbecue. Do you want to come over on 4th of July? The day after 4th of July? Yeah. And they're going to be filming. I'm like, great. Come over with the kids. It is true that kids forget about the cameras. It really is true. Because they saw the slide. And my kids just went up and down that slide the whole time. And then Tamara walks in. She's like, why do you look familiar? I'm like, oh, I'm on the show. Chelsea lately, whatever. So we're talking, at that time, Simon's there. They're fighting about Ryan. And then, through those years, I would see her at things. Yeah, I'd see Tamara at things. And then we became friends. And then we became real friends where we'd laugh and talk. And then I went to her wedding. I've been to four televised weddings of reality stars. Oh, wow. God, yeah, because of course-- Two are still married, two are not. Which ones have card party? Which ones have card party? So Tamara. Tamara, Lance Bass. Oh, Lance Bass. So they're both still married. Does he count? He just got married like two seconds ago. It was-- it's going to be here in December, OK? That's probably what it counts. Ronnie is a cynic. God, it was beautiful. They did the mother's son dance and then switched the sons. That's every mother's dream, first of all, to have a gay son and do the mother's son, switch a rude dance. And those are sons who actually produce a gorgeous grandchild that they've genetically engineered through a hot surrogate who's read a lot of books. Exactly, exactly. And both the mothers were like equally attractive. Like, it was just-- it was beautiful. So then-- and then I had Kim Kardashian's Chris Humphrey wedding. Oh, oh. That's a good one. Hope you were rich. And Chloe and Lamar. So you really-- I mean, you got some really-- I thought you were going to throw Neenie Leaks in there. I was not invited to Neenie Leaks, unfortunately. That's all right. I've only met her once. Well, you got two high-profile Kardashian weddings in there, which is very impressive. So anyway, I love going to weddings. I love televised weddings. I figure if someone's willing to pay for your wedding, why the fuck not? Do they move faster? Why the hell not? Do they move faster or slower? Do they have to, like, reshoot, like, going down the island stuff? Kim's was great. You would-- yes, it was a big fancy wedding. Yes, there are cameras. But honestly, I've been to fancy weddings where there's that many cameras, and the person isn't famous, you know what I mean? Because they're filming it. It was not disruptive. It was dark. Camera's wedding was very nice, but it was brighter lit ballroom for the cameras. And that was the difference. But it was outside. It was pretty. The people were fun. The table was fun. It was a good time, so. What do you buy people like that for their wedding? OK, I want to know the gifts that you got, everybody. For camera, I got-- I just went-- I went to Neiman's, and it was like this tequila or vodka, like, where you put the little shots, and there's ice in the bowl. Oh, you are print. OK. And something like that. So where you know Tamara really good. I imagine I feel like I would get Tamara one of those glasses that, like, it's like a margarita glass that says diva on it with, like, a little pink bow on the face. Yeah, well, that's not a wedding gift. That's like a deal. No, I'll just give it to her. I'll just give it to her. Yeah. She won't say, like, buy Felicia. She'll say, what does her say? Something like, who is this Felicia? And why is she always leaving or something like that? It's like the longest bumper sticker ever, like a paragraph. So you went to dinner with Tamara. OK, so Heather de Bro, then I met through Tamara. But Heather, I remember from when we would go out for stuff together, and she would always get it, and I wouldn't, in the '90s. What did she call that on the show? Heather Page Kent. Do you love Time in the hallways or something like that? Yes, yeah, Heather Page Kent, and then there was Heather McDonald, and Heather Page Kent booked a lot more than Heather McDonald. But we were two brunettes, the same age. So I knew who she was. And so anyway, so then I think I was on Watch What Happens Live with Tamara the one time I was on. And I think I said that. And then that really hurt really like me, because at the time, Alexis was saying, I have never seen her on TV, no, no, no, no. So then I had my first amazing night where we went to Heather's house and had drinks, champs. And the husband's my husband, Peter and Terry and Eddie, all of us went out to Maastros for dinner. OK. I pretended I lived in OC. I stayed at the Pelican Hill Hotel. Oh, OK. It was a dream come true. And then everyone at Chelsea lately was like, you know you, I kind of secreted it. Like I liked-- I thought I could be friends with them, and I am friends with them. I mean, Chelsea Handler went on to be friends with Sandra Bullock and Jen Aniston. And this is the level I'm at. And I'm totally happy with it. I love it. So Heather goes, hey, Shannon Bedore and Tamron I at Craig's LA, which if people are looking to see a star, go there during the week, not Friday or Saturday. Go like a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. And you will see-- well, this particular night was bravo threw up in there. First of all, we arrived. There's a table of bravo marketing executive people there. So they send over a bottle of shams to us. And so it's the four of us plus Heather's assistant, who's a very nice girl. So we're shooting the show. And it is just like the show. Meghan King Edmonds is coming up. Shannon didn't know that they were taping her when she got that call. She thought, I thought it was my private cell phone. They never told me they were filming. Oh, who is that? I've got my kid in the guy. I didn't know they were-- I didn't know who she was. I had kids in the car, because that's-- I told my husband-- He was calling me. I told my husband he goes, they must cast people who like to repeat themselves a lot. I'm like, yeah, I'm like really bringing up the soap. Yeah, we talked about that. We talked about the Brooks Cancer, of course. And so-- and then who shows up for Mauricio? Kyle's husband. Like, who is suddenly at a different table? He was having greases entertaining clients from Miami. How are you, ladies? Ladies. Yeah, I got lots of kisses, has some confine conversation, then, that he left. Then Terry Kim's, Terry DeBrow, he and Heather, like kissing and stuff, very into each other. And very horny for each other. Aster later, I go, did you get it on in the car on the way home? She's like, no, he fell asleep two minutes later. I'm like, well, it was very horny acting for the table. I've never really thought of her like that, because she seems like so icy or to get-- not icy, but like, together. I never really, like, sexual-- well, I mean, I don't know if sexual-- They were horny for each other. It was, like, nice to see, quite honestly. They'll carry us around. She's like, if you want a happy marriage, here's what you need to do. Have sex with your husband. Like, whenever you-- Who says that, Heather? Yeah, she's like, you need to have sex with your husband. Make time. And then she-- I think they do. I think they definitely do it in an appropriate amount of time for a 15-year long. Yeah, well, they do have, like, four kids, so those don't come out of nowhere. And usually-- Well, they do have two little frozen eggs on the etch wise things. That's right. [LAUGHTER] I have some eggs. She's like, I put something in the drawing terry of the tree on the glass etch door. It's two little eggs under the tree. Because you know she made that glass tree to rub it's on her tail. I know, I have the eggs. So, the little nest. And then, which I love-- and I told Terry that. I go, my husband has never laughed harder at Real Housewives, except during that scene. He could completely relate to Terry. Right. Because when Terry tried to say-- During the trees. And I said, and Heather, you were so pissed. She goes, I still haven't watched it yet. Someone watched the scene yet. Terry's like, I haven't watched it either. I'm like, it really isn't that bad. It's kind of funny. You guys might want to watch it. And that happens to me when my husband starts going down a path that I know I'm going to get upset. I'll be like, I don't want to hear it, but stop. I don't want to talk. Or if I ever have to do a performance or anything that night, I can't get in a fight with them, because I talk about them so much on stage. And I just can't be in a real mean mood. Right. Stop it, stop it, wait till tomorrow, put a pin in it. That's the best way to do it, right? Just ignore. People say that you should really express your feelings and learn how to communicate. And I think that that is such bullshit. Learn how to take it and be quiet. Yeah, or just know like I can't get up. I can see where it's going to lead. And I just can't get into it right now, because it's going to put you in a mood that I can't get out of. And I've got an audition, or I have something going on. So then Dr. NASA comes in. Oh, wow. So he joins the table. And he's been on my podcast. And I love him. I think he's so weird and funny. Like I gave him so much shit. Only shows and who can like talk trash about the other housewives and not look like a bitch. So far, he's the only one who's done it. He's like, come out looking okay, still. Well, it's like everyone loves Terry DeBrogle. And because they make women beautiful. So if you're watching the housewives, you've got to love the plastic surgeon husband. Like that is what, that is a dream come true. Also, they're usually so wealthy that they have so much sort of power going on in their own lives that they really need to be famous as like a cutaway on a housewives show. So they can sort of say whatever they want, whatever. You get mad at me. I don't care. I've got my money because I'm earning. Right. More entertaining when they're legit knit like rich and don't need it. When they get all desperate and cloying, that's when it gets kind of awkward to watch, you know, like when they're doing it just for the paid. I think that's why Brandy got in trouble. She was always trying to make shit for the cameras. And then-- Oh, she knew what she was doing. She's very calculating. I mean, I think with what happened when she revealed that Adrienne had used a surrogate from the info that I've dug up in my investigation. And you've done the research, just as. Is that that was something that she had shared with the girls and said, I don't want on the show when they've been off camera. I don't want this for being revealed in the show. And they all knew that. And Brandy said it. Yeah. And then they were like, so she knew what she was doing. Well, at least she knows that that's why Brandy was-- And that's why Brandy was annoyed because they were all acting shocked when they all knew. Yeah, but the thing they were shocked is like, she was our friend who said, don't reveal that, you know? I mean, yes, we're doing a reality show. But like, you asked people-- She was at least still good in that season because that was true. Like, the other stuff she does isn't even true. She'll be like, whoa, so like, the stuff she just makes up all these lies. Like, she was living in Calabat. Lisa was living in Calabat. Oh, yeah. So the magazines in a thing are-- I feel like Brandy tries it. She was telling. Yeah, I just feel like she tried too hard. Like, I understand if she wants to like, you know, ruffle feathers, that's fine. But she sort of overdid it. And you know, the whole, the whole to do about the magazines and Palm Springs, I mean, that was so ridiculous. It was so over the top. I know, so it's like, come on. Yeah, yes, they're just poor, so you don't care. Like, Lisa Vanderpump, she can do whatever, you know. I'll be like, I love her because she doesn't give a shit. Although, she was selling those weird fuzzy bear things on the QVC the other day. I don't like seeing her hawk stuff in grocery stores. Like, yeah. What was the bear is doing? It's like, you're rich, what are you doing here? Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. She, I mean, she really was the smartest one about this whole thing because she already had an actual product that could benefit from television. I mean, you go into any of those restaurants and it is just, hey, when I need an ego boost, remember that scene in-- I'm so dish-ish, yeah. Let's go to the mall. It's like, let me go to pump. Yeah, where do they go? Trenton. But I go to pump because there will be people visiting that will absolutely go there. And if they watch Bravo, then they know who I am because they watch E. And so that's where I go. If I need an ego boost for dinner, I mean, to take the only restaurant in West Hollywood with bad people, with bad parents. It's the only one because they're all there. They're going there for to see Lisa and Heather McDonald. I get my ego boost at Fresh and Easy. I just walk around and feel good about my ego boost. That cereal recognizes me. For the next two weeks before it goes out of business. You think Fresh and Easy is going out of business? It is going out of business. It's officially going out of business. Because nobody wanted Fresh and Easy food? People want things that are old and hard. It's like in a weird-- It's like, oh my god. By the way, Fresh and Easy is the greatest supermarket and Americans, because it's British, Americans were like, no, we don't like this. It's like, too impersonal. Like, too impersonal, it's like cheap. And so you can get in and out of there so quickly. What's it going to a farm where they wrap everything and Saran wrap? I'm not going through those corn stocks. It's like, here's a bell pepper, but it's like individually wrapped. And then there is some weird machine, but then there's still a person scanning there to give you dirty looks while you use it. Have you seen the people at Ralph's? What are you doing? Have you seen the people at Ralph's? Do you want those people rifling through your cilantro? No, I'm glad for the plastic right. They do anyway. Go to that whole food. It's rich people, homeless pans in there eating the salad. Well, I'm actually very sad, because the Fresh and Easy that I go to Martin Lawrence Boulard from $1,000,000 decorators. Again, I went to his house, hung out with him. Also, some friends with a friend of mine. A wonderful place to see just a few buildings down from here. He has a fabulous house in Palm Springs that used to be Frank Sinatra's old house. Whoa. And is it like-- I want to-- I don't know if it's James Manfield. If some other like several stars, Roger Moore, from 007, he was one of the owners. So no, he kept the whole '60s aesthetic, but then redid it. And it's gorgeous. And it's in Palm Springs. Is it all like-- is the aesthetic all sort of like zebra print meets like, you know-- Yes, like India? Yes, it's a little bit-- He celebrates the-- he celebrates his niche. He doesn't like that rustic exotic. It's like the gay palms, because you know it's like-- This will be gay Palm Springs. This gay Palm Springs will be having anal sex with the real Palm Springs. It'll be that gay. Like, he's really-- It was really gay. Like, I imagine mosquito netting, like decorative-- I was doing stand-up at the place called the Copa Room in Palm Springs. And so I spent-- Of course, there's the Copa Room in Palm Springs. So I rode up by my bike to Trena Turk, and I bought Palm Springs outfits. And I stayed at-- Oh, god, where was it? I forgot the place I stayed. The double train? No. I know you like the cookies. We stayed at a very nice place that I can't remember. One of these chicies, a chicie place. It was an ace. The parker? There's an ace parker? What's the other one? The other one is a boisteroy. The boisteroy, yeah. OK, there. So then stayed there, which is very nice. Wrote the bike to Trena Turk, then went to his house, had the drinks at the pool. It was a Palm Springs delight. I'd imagine you guys would stand under one of those, like, air vaporizer things that they have in the heat, where they just lightly spray you with water. Oh, I love it, yes. Let's stand under the vaporizer. Yeah. Tell me about you. I love it. I love his voice. I love that out. OK, you guys, we're missing a lot of stuff. OK, sorry. Go ahead. Dinner with these houses. OK, so now the two days ago, but two days ago-- Oh, by the way, Kathy Hilton and Nikki Hilton then came by the table, too. It was out of control. Go on. This is like a wet dream for me. I mean, it was like-- You guys are trying to insert Kathy Hilton into the best story in Parker, Pittsburgh. OK. So, Shannon Bador the other day, was it some, I guess, football game? Yeah, USC. USC. And I went to USC. So, I have scoop on this. Oh, right. And did she tell you-- Yes, that's what I'm asking. No, don't say, so I have to address it. All right, I'll wrap it up. The people who don't know. Ask me anything, and I will explain. So, just the other people who haven't read the story. So, she goes to this football game. But David, David, David, how many of these football touchdowns have you seen? So, in a way, she goes to the football game with David, and the mistress is there. So, it turns out that this mistress is some huge faint whore who's just trying to bone David and get on every show in the world because of it. And so, she's taunting Shannon. So, according to the story they see each other, they try and ignore each other, then they bump into each other coming out of a tunnel, which, whatever. Which absolutely could happen. And then they started yelling at each other, and then in the middle of the game, Shannon stood up in the game, in the raptors, and turned around to everybody, and said, that's the woman who slept with my husband! Wait, where did you share a story? It was reported first at like an US magazine. Us magazine. But, I happened-- It's called history, though. I did my research today also. She went on to entertainment tonight, I think last night, she and David did. And she verified it. She told the whole story. What did she say? She's like, you know what, I saw her? She bought season tickets in our section, and I said, you know what? Enough of putting up this front. I'm just going to let it loose, and she's like, so I stood up, and I said, this is the woman who slept with my husband! And she said, it's true, she said all this stuff. And, you know, it's apparently this very awkward section in the USC stadium right now. Okay, well first of all, I went to USC. I love going to USC games. The first time I met Shana Bador, Tamara invited me to be Shana Bador's guest, and my husband. She's like, the new house wife went to SC and has tickets. Do you want to go to the USC UCLA game? So they hadn't started filming. And, you know, I was just asking her questions. She's older than I am, so we weren't there at the same time. But there's certain people that were in her grade. I, going to SC games, post college, was the greatest, like, night club experience I could have. Like, I would get ready on a Saturday, like in my twenties. And I would get completely cute. I would day drink. I would make out with people oftentimes afterwards. I would dry hump. I love an SC game on a hot September day with a good buzz. Okay, this is my thing. But now I have kids. My husband didn't go to SC. We don't go that often. But if someone could hook me up with some great seats, like the doors, fantastic. We go to the cardinal and gold thing before. We drink, we have fun. So now, so they have had these seats for a long time in this section. But what I have found out today, and I did not know that story happened. I don't know how I missed it yet. - She didn't mention it on, maybe it was before. - No, this was last, did it was last week, last Wednesday. - Before USC game. - Was the mistress's husband went to SC. And is my friend's fraternity brothers. So they were in the same house together. So he went to SC. And his family has a lot of money. So in defense of this woman who I do think is horrible. And I do think she went after David, but takes you to take note, blah, blah, blah. He went to SC too. Okay, I don't know if she went to SC, but he went to SC. They have money. Everybody that's into SC buy season tickets and goes. And the section that they're in is a very nice section to be in. So I don't know. He may have bought the tickets. His parents might have bought the tickets. I don't know that this girl went. And is she never supposed to go to a game again? - Oh no, I didn't know. They said that she was actually taunting her. Like she was saying stuff with a husband. Yes, like the husband's on her team or something. - What did he say, tell me. - I was fucking with Shannon the whole time apparently, because she wants to get on the show, which she probably will, let's face it, it's Bravo. So hire her in two seconds, you know, she's cute. - I don't know. Do you think they would? - Well, she would. Yeah, I don't know. - Do you think Bravo would be, because you know, Rebecca remains Stamos, who was on Watch What Happens Live, who it was right after they had done their main interview. Just the biddors with Andy. - Uh-huh. - This is when people didn't know that, because it had happened before that they saw at a very, they said, we saw this woman at an event that she knew we'd be at. We'd go to it every year. - I, so Rebecca remains Stamos interpreted that as, it's a big charity event, or Shannon's the hostess of, or like, it was a PR event that they knew Sharon was gonna be at. We watched this, I'm like, Peter goes, wait a minute, you mean that the place that the mistress was at, taunting her was 90,000 people at a USC game? - Yeah. - Like, I love Shannon, but like, I mean, it's a huge coliseum that might run into people, like you do see people. - He wasn't exactly on Craigslist. He was like, he literally walked outside and saw someone. - You're supposed to go to another game? - And Shannon is a bit sensitive. I mean, this is the woman who did freak out about being called on her private cell phone. - He had a piece of psychological debris stuck in her butt. Like, literally, okay. - Okay, so wait, wait, wait, wait. What did this husband say? - So he basically released a statement along the lines of, like, this deer. - Yes, deer. - My wife did whatever, like, hurt both of our families, and we just hope that we can both fail, means we can recuperate, pop off of our lives. And so, Kevin, what's his favorite? Kevin Frazier read this to Shannon. And she's like, well, this is the person I've ever heard or used to have any sort of remorse. So I appreciate that. But you know what I really, I don't think about her. I don't think about her. Then even Kevin Frazier was like, now, come on now, Shannon. All you do is talk about her. She's like, well, I'm in a reality show. - Maybe you're right. Maybe they do want to be on it. - I only think about her with my Instagram. - Well, I mean, don't you think that Bravo would look pretty awful if they brought her on as good as a TV would be, as much as the world wants it? - They're shooting people. They're shooting the Judices. Like, they don't care. Are you kidding? They're like literally shooting a show around somebody calling for five minutes a day. - To announce that they're Jildos and Reza. - Well, I mean, if she came on, how could like Heather and Tamara act fake and go have lunch and go to her like candlelight? - I think it would be. I mean, honestly. - I actually think that would be a hard, it'd be a hard-- - I think it'd be too hard. - You might have a issue where the Casper who's the film with all that stuff. - It's one thing to bring on, you know, the Judices in laws when you knew Theresa was jealous of Melissa. That's one thing to bring him on. But still, that's one thing to bring him on. They didn't-- - It's one thing that's another thing to bring a mistress when their kids involved and all that stuff. Actually, you know, 'cause-- - I actually don't think they'll go that low. I really don't, because-- - I mean, Bravo did fire Kim Richards. You know, if Bravo wants to go-- - Only for insurance. - That's true. - That's still. - It's not 'cause of Warren. - But she was on, like, meth and drugs the whole time that she-- - But when Rebecca brought that up, she goes clearly this woman wants to be on the show. Aren't you thinking about putting her on? And Andy was like, oh my God, I've never even thought of that. - Yeah, right. - I'm like, you may not have, because now you're just a TV personality. You're not running the show like you used to. But I'm like, I'm sure someone is like, "Hey, you know, we'd love to hear your side of the show." If they're giving Brooks one-hour interviews, maybe the America would like to hear from Nicole and her-- - Oh, well, let's have a little bit of the OC reunion because that Brooks interview-- - We'll be right back. - We've told you about our sponsor Next Issue and how it's the best way to read all your favorite magazines anytime, anywhere. Well, Next Issue's new name is Texture. And it has spectacular new features that make it the best reading experience around. - All Access Pass, the world's best magazines, browse hundreds of magazines and cherry pick the articles that interest you most. Curated collections let you dive deeper into topics. - Texture is offering our listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. Think about that. You'll gain unrestricted access to the world's best magazines from back issues to the one on Newstance today. - Try Texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. 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So try Texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. - Yeah, just those three headlines alone would have cost you $21 in the store. - Yeah. - There's some texture, y'all. - That Brooks interview. - That guy was-- - He was like Coke or something, right? - Yes, he was doing-- - And this is like a terrible thing to say, but what's that, what does he do with the head bobbing? - Okay, he did an E interview. - For like an hour. - E. - And then he did the-- - E. - And now he's doing the Andy one that they teased. - Yeah. - Yeah, he looked geeked up on something. - Yeah, he was doing like the full on like coat-- - Really? - You know the Coke jaw where you like the jaw cracks? It was mixed with like the Parkinson's. - It just, he looked-- - The jaw, the neck with the jaw thing. - You know, he was speaking fast. He was really fidgety. It just, something seemed not right. The whole thing was so-- - Nervous lick-lipping, watching that. I was like, 'cause he's done these interviews before and he's usually gone-- - There is something about him. It's almost like Bill Clinton-ish that you want to believe everything he says. He's so convincing because the calmness and the politeness and the Southern draw about the way he tells his story. You're like, yeah, Brooke, you just seem-- - But he never says him. You're doing it until you-- - He never says him. - He seems like a great guy. - But then if you listen to his words, he's never saying anything. He's saying like-- - Yeah. - Well, the-- - Well, the-- - Charlton, a month of bank. - The reason of the literature looking through the pleasing of the thank you ma'am, it's like, what? - What? - What are you saying? - Well, let me tell you something about manners. When you're having a drink with someone and their daughter says, do you want an ice cube? And I politely said, no, and that's what started the fun. - Yeah. - You're like, what? What? That's why, bro, I Brianna hates you because you didn't want an ice. Like, it just comes out like really, that's it? - And I showed her my dick. But the ice cube was really the real issue. - Well, that was the gift I gave her. - Well, you know, so actually on Starkhasm.net, which I looked at this morning, they had to-- - Starkhasm. - Apparently he, Brooks has employed at a place that generates medical records. So it's adding further shadiness this minute. - That is. - The biggest shock here is that he's employed. - So he was like, I could not make the reunion because of business commitment. I'm like, really? - Because of work, I couldn't make it work. Now let's work on that. - It's like, stop saying work. What's wrong with him? So we actually have a question. So on our podcast, we are supported by Patreon and people who support at the $5 level got to submit questions to be asked on the podcast. - Awesome. - So this one is from Teresa Marovitch. She says, hi Ben and Ronnie, and by extension, Heather. I want to know the impact of Brooks saying he had the CT PET scan at Newport Imaging and Megan's phone call saying that they don't do that there. I heard they may sue him for using their letterhead or otherwise disrupting business. I work for a large medical group and we cannot discuss patient records, HIPAA laws, but they could disprove his claim by saying he falsely used their letterhead. Brilliant mousetrap of sorts. Can you play Megan King Edmunds and investigate love and justice to reset? - I don't know. - Let me extend my neck, my two feet. - Yeah. - I'm gonna be Megan. (laughing) - I'm looking into it. - Yeah. (humming) - Also HIPAA laws. Another term that we could not have heard more of this season. HIPAA laws, cancer. - And I'm not even sure the HIPAA laws things have been used correctly. Because I think it's okay for Megan to call up and ask you guys for pet scans. That's not a violation of HIPAA laws. But you know, you know, because like HIPAA laws, HIPAA. - What the housewives get so deep that we actually like study law to find out what they're fucking talking about? - Listen, he did not have cancer. He had some scary, you know, and that's another thing that's happened in the Real Housewives franchise along with a lot of going to jail. A lot of bankruptcy, a lot of infidelity is, do you have cancer? Do you not? When you did, who visited you? (laughing) It's so much of that. It's like, remember when Kim Zoliak tried to say she had cancer at the reunion? That is why she originally got her wig? - Yeah. - And she's like, what, are you better? Well, I didn't have the cancer. I sat in a Chili's parking lot, and I really thought this was it. And then they said, no, it's something else. - Yeah. - So I'm like... - I found out that Chick-fil-A uses his high broads needed oil and-- - I really, I personally, I do this thing every time I have a birthday. It started about five years ago. And someone would say, oh, happy birthday. And be like, thank you. I'm 40 and cancer free. And I, 'cause I've never had cancer. And I'm like, why don't people celebrate being cancer free? Because I've never had it. Why does it take like a double mastectomy to have you like walking? So I'm always like very grateful for it. So I feel like, and I'm not making fun of it. I'm saying like, be grateful for every day you don't have cancer. - I agree both of us. - 'Cause so many people have cancer. So if you're like, hey, I'm 40 and cancer free. They're like, awesome, I have a lump in my breast. Happy birthday bitch. - I'm saying, why can't you appreciate, I appreciate that I've never had it. So I'm saying like, if you're rich, but you can't walk down the street being like, I'm 40 and rich. Thank you. - How that I'm 40 in my house hasn't been foreclosed. - That's, that's-- - Why can't you be grateful for what you have, is what I'm saying. - As someone who's-- - I'm not making fun of anything, I'm saying, I always feel like, I know, I just want to say like, I always just, I never want to be-- - Yeah, I get it. - People always, celebrities are always in charge of a, their charity is always something, a disease that struck them or a family member. So I'm always like, why not, maybe find one you don't want to have, like maybe the odds wouldn't be. - I don't know. - It's about the activity-- - Like positive, like just people on this. - Listen, it's the same with the same-- - I'm with Heather. - I'm with Heather, it's the same as saying, I'm 40 and I'm in good health, thank God. - Yeah, be grateful, you know. And every year, the reason I really did start doing that is 'cause one time I was watching Oprah, which is amazing. - Yeah. - And Olivia Newton-John was on and she goes, Olivia Newton-John, I can't believe returning 50. How does that feel? Are you freaking out or something? Olivia Newton-John goes, no, because I had cancer and I live, I never thought I'd see 50. And that's where I started doing the every year and going, I'm never gonna be sad when I have a birthday because there's so many people that never make it to the stage. And so anyway, getting to the cancer thing, I think what happened with him is he did have some type of ailment at one time. And he saw the attention, it brought him. And then he could very easily facilitate that it's come back, that he's had a relapse. I have a brother-in-law who has the non-Hodgkin's disease. And he is out of the woods now, but I saw what he looked like during chemo. There were other things that came from it like he almost got neuropathy and his stuff. The fingers, yes, and actually it's gotten a lot better. He's actually a dealer in Vegas and had to switch jobs and everything. And now he's back being a dealer. So it was really amazing. And this guy is a great guy, but he was really negative. He was not using positivity to get better. I mean, there were things about it. I was like, I wish he was more positive. Anyway, he's doing a lot better, but I saw how debilitating it was. And my dad went through chemo too. So I think anybody, which is about everybody, everybody knows someone with cancer. So I think all of the girls all have seen someone, Megan being the one that mainly saw it. And knows that you are like, sometimes it's like four days after chemo, that's your worst day. So everybody has it different. But the fact that he's just like, I did the chemo yesterday and then I took a shower and I'm gonna make it to the candle, make you. - I'm gonna have a coffee. - I'm gonna have a coffee. - I'm gonna have a cocktail. - But it's the kind of world where people will just say they have shit now. It's happening all the time. I know they're all-- - Could you give the attention? - It's called Munchausons by Proxy, right? - Yeah, well that's when you actually get sick though. - No, no, no, no, Munchausons is like, you know, from Sixth Sense where the woman made her kid sick and she wanted the kid to be sick. - Oh, right, right. - So that she gets the attention of a mother. But now with all these GoFundMe's and stuff, people are finding that they're doing it and they're getting money. They're saying I have cancer or my kid has cancer and people give money online and nobody's sick. And it's really, really gross. - Yeah, and I think that, you know, Brooks, the whole thing is so shady and we've mentioned this before on the podcast. You know, we cover this show Blood, Sweat, and Heels. I don't know if you ever saw that one. - Yes. - But one of-- - The realtors. - Black realtors, no. - No, it's like one. - They're like fun black realtor. - There was, yeah, Melissa Ford. But Daisy on that show, she had liver cancer and she is one of the few bravo stars we've seen actually has cancer. She's going through it, no, for real because everyone always has cancer scares. I mean, I get it, I'm like an almost cancer survivor because I think everything I have is cancer. But it never is. - Right. - But it's, I like how to headache yesterday. I was like, "Uh-oh, this is it." (laughing) But I'm not even joking, I'm not even joking. (laughing) - Well, it's been fun. It's been this many years, cancer-free, and now-- - I'm 40 and I have a headache. - But Daisy hangs around, thanks for that happy moment. - But Daisy actually had cancer. And over the course of the season, you see her getting chemo and radiation and you see the toll it takes on her. And I know that it's different from everyone in person. - No, it's pretty bad for most people though. I mean, it's really like you're out of commission for a few days. - Exactly, and so it works to say, if he says, "Oh, well, I'm stopping chemo 'cause it's not, it's not reacting to chemo." Well, that's fine. But if you're not showing any other shoes, the rest of your body goes-- - My favorite is when he goes-- - You may actually know this Dr. Heather. (laughing) 'Cause that doctor, the cellulite treatment for Heather. - Yeah. - And she was trying to stick it like, you may actually know this doctor, so you may want to shut the fuck up when you realize that what I'm gonna say is bullshit. 'Cause I'll reveal that you had a dimple, the size of a quarter on your ass before you met this doctor and the world will know. - Yeah, well, it has buts it's the end. In a weird way, I think we almost have to admire brooks for having such huge balls to go on to national TV with fake disease. - And a huge dick. - And a huge dick. - So easily debunked. And a huge dick. And a huge-- - Girth Brooks. - Girth Brooks is a pretty great dick name. - Well, that'd be good on your resume. - And to be fair, there already is a gay porn star named Girth Brooks. Girth Brooks, yeah, so I, you know, Girth Brooks. - Is he gonna go on and tell him? - Oh, I thought you knew who the porn star was. I was like, "Guess, Heather, yes." - Oh, no. - Oh, that's huge. Although, I do get the double pun of it, Girth Brooks. - Right. - I'm getting that. - 'Cause that is his name too. - Would you be offended if I showed you Girth Brooks right now on the internet? 'Cause we're connected. You could actually see with Girth. - He's like what I-- - Keep your husband on his toes. He'll be like, "Love your outfit." - We do the research also. This is, here's some research. Oh, by the way, there are straight men in the room. So, straight men, be careful. There is gonna be a picture of a gay porn star naked. - Don't assume. You don't know everybody's straight in here. We're in a red, like-- - Everybody can't be turned. - Hollywood. - He feels a little bit like a bored devil in here. - It's quite an assumption you're making. - Yeah. - Images, Girth images. They need a whole section of Google Girth images. - Well, in the middle. - You know what would be an amazing reality show storyline? - Yes, what? - And this is what I like to see happen. I give a lot of great, amazing ideas out on podcasts. People should listen to mine. I just movie ideas, everything. I just throw them out there. I don't register with them at the writer's guild. I just let whoever wants to run with it, I'm never gonna get my shit together. So, why don't you go on a reality show? - Reconnecting with people in your life is so important and sending a holiday card is a meaningful way to do that, but it can be hard to know where to start. - Shutterfly makes it so easy to share a custom card that's perfectly you. - Shutterfly has a style for everyone. Find a card that reflects your vibe. - No professional photos, no worries. Shutterfly multi-photo designs are great for candid photos, travel photos, or even school photos. I love the Shutterfly card feature because I'm so lazy about going to a store and getting a card for people. And so, this way, I can just be on my phone. I can take a photo. I can upload it to Shutterfly. I can make the card right there and send it off without having to leave my home or wherever I am. I've been making really funny ones. I mean, I'm the new Maxine. 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Companded products are not FDA-approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. prescription required restrictions apply. - Being cast as the sassy gay guy. And then it gets revealed. He's a fucking liar. He's been getting pussy since he was 10. - I would love that. I would love that. - Yes. - And then it's like, how dare you? I work for the LBGTQ. How dare you pretend to be gay? I saw you eating out, making kick-admits. (laughing) We are gonna reveal. - We can't even get that bad anymore 'cause now it's the LBGTQ. - This isn't even a naked picture. - Well, I don't know if the internet is blocking me or what they might have a no-dick policy here. - No, do you type in girl's piece? - This does nothing for me, by the way. It's like in underwear. - Google images will not give you naked pictures automatically. You should have to sort of really update this. - How else are they worth a billion dollars? Whatever search engine gives you bick should be the richest, okay? I'm rooting for you, yeah. - I will take care of it. See, here we go. - Oh, okay, I'm sorry. - That's many things, so. - I want that to happen, I want that to happen. I want someone to get cast on a reality show as such a funny gay guy and then the other cast members find out. And he's the most beloved and then he finds out he's actually been faking me and gay. And I'm gonna write that movie, nobody take it. - You know, I love a gay scandal. - Oh my God. - Yes, I'm not giving you a max list right now. - You know what I also told Tamara? I go, listen, another thing you need to keep aware of. Is as you age and you need reading glasses, make sure that you call the restaurant before or see the menu before. Know what you're gonna order because when you all whip out those glasses. - Yeah. - And Shannon Bador's glasses. And she does a real old lady thing with her glasses. - Yeah, Ronnie calls up the Hillary Clinton glasses. - And like just ask like you don't need them. That is so big, I just clenched my own vagina and butthole looking at this. Oh my God. - That's a big boy. You see it's not all on the face. That's why some ugly people have such confidence. - Boodick. - Yeah. - I actually liked, look, I love looking at. - Cape Horn. - You do? That's so funny. - I don't, it doesn't, it's like, I don't think many people are like that. But like I get off on it. Like I love it when it's in a TV show, like a secret gay thing. Like you don't know that the characters are gay. And then all of a sudden kind of goes, and they act like they're mad at each other. It's like, hey, no, listen to me man. Listen to me man. And then they start making out. I fucking love it and they do it. Do it. - I love, I love like the old school. - I've never seen him in a still before like that. - I love like the old school. Like, hey, I'm the plumber. I'm coming over to fix your sink. And then he's under there. And then it spritzes like, oh shit. Oh, don't worry. We can try that here. Give me your shirt. And it's like, oh, now the plumber shirt. - That's my favorite one. - I only go crazy. That's like my favorite. - That is my favorite one. - By the way, Shannon Bedor is the mistress's husband. They said he was a plumber. And he's really cute. And I go, how is he? But like I said, no, he's not. - Well, his mistress is hell, right? - His family owns a huge plumber. - His David's in construction. - He's not a plumber. He was a UFC fraternity boy. - They're like fake blue collar. - Yeah. So, but I thought that when I first heard that I go, this is so weird. Like, how did the two of them get together? She's like this executive and OC and they have all this money. And he was just a plumber. Like, like, which didn't make, I'm like, maybe that, maybe he has no education. That's why he's staying with her, even though she cheated with David. No. - He's rich. - They're both rich. They both probably just have an understanding or something. - I really resent my parents for being so fucking lazy. Like, all these people born into so much money, I mean, my dad went to work. What the hell? - Well, you wouldn't be this funny if you'd come from a lot of money. - Oh, it didn't come from poverty. It came from fatness. Thank you though. - You're not fat. - And early on, set gayness. - You're not fat. Did you lose a lot of weight? - Oh, up and down. Eating disordered. - Oh. - I'm a binge eater. - You are? - Uh-huh. So fun. Let's do it together one day. Come on. You could use the break. - No, I can't. - You remember why it was so terrible back then. - So I have a question. Getting back to the house was. - Yes. - Oh, we're talking about my eating disorder. - Yes. - We're talking about the same thing. No, so here's a question about Tamara. You're very close with her. Now, the thing is with Tamara is that, you know, she comes off not always so great. She allowed time is considered the villain. We make fun of her a lot on this podcast. And we're not the only ones. People was like, "Tamara, Tamara, Tamara." - Yeah, I so don't think she's a villain. - I mean, people love to hate her, you know? But how is it for you knowing her on a personal level when you hear people talk about like Tamara, whatever. She's just an anti-trailer trash, whatever. Are you just like, you get defensive over her? Or do you sort of like, well, I get it 'cause they see one thing on TV or whatever. - Like, well, for one thing, she's like the one that's the least imitated. 'Cause I think she's kind of like, the least of a character. Like, I think she's just the most real to me. Like, I think she's like the most real. I think she's honest about it, about her life and her mistakes. And, you know, like, I remember like years ago, she's like, "Yeah, someone wants me to write a book. "I mean, what the fuck am I gonna write a book about?" Like, she's just like not, I think she's like the least full of herself to be quite honest. 'Cause, I mean, I think she's like, been through so much with the divorces and Ryan and, you know, Simon and all that, that I just don't think that, like, I think she's really grateful to be on the show. I think she likes it. I think she has fun with it. But I actually think she, like, her ego is in check in relation to housewives. That's what I think. - Yeah, she doesn't seem to have, like, a huge-- - She doesn't seem to be like full of-- - She's not, she's definitely not one of the areas. - She's not like, "Don't you know who I am?" No, she's nothing like that. - Yeah, but she starts the pot, though. - She definitely stirs the pot. - She stirs the pot because she knows how to do a TV. And, like, you know, like, she was telling me, you know, she did not want her baptism on TV. - Yeah, I'm sure. - And they came to her, and now she did not say this. She's like, "They came to me." And I was like, "Okay, now I'm interpreting this." She says, "Okay," because she's smart, and she wants to be a good employee, and she wants to be asked back, and she wants to give them what they asked for. And she sees other people that are not as easy, and they don't get asked back. And she likes being on the show, and she wants to be pleasant with producers and stuff. That's what I believe. - We always say that the thing with Tamara that sort of makes her kind of amazing is that every season, she always knows the right person to go after. If you want to compare it to Brandy, Brandy overplaying it or going too hard, and then losing her spot on the show, Tamara always seems to always is on the, like, whoever she goes after, it's always right to the sound of the show. - Like, in retrospect, now that we know everything with the affair, the whole hot pot that Tamara got into last season was that Shannon Bador, Shannon shared something with Tamara, and she shared it with Heather. And that is what made her supposedly, like, the villain of all villains, which now we know, they all knew about it. They all knew about it. And it was like-- - She did still go to Heather and say she's got, they're having a divorce, and I really, or he's cheating. She still did do that. Like, they made it sound like last night she was framed, and it was really Heather getting a phone call, or someone getting a phone call and seeing the mistress text David, and the David text her, and then he texted her, and then she was shooting a scene. - But here's the thing, in real life, as a woman who is a real housewife, I am a housewife, I have friends, you know. If someone's getting divorced, you're talking about it. - We don't get the equal. - We are talking about it. - Yeah, I always go. - So if you're gonna not, how fit, if you're gonna make the show real, it's gonna be like, we're concerned for Shannon, she's kinda losing it. The husband has moved out. Please be fragile with her, 'cause, I mean, I don't even, this girl, I liked her in the beginning, I don't know what she's going through. So it's like-- - Yeah, for the record, I don't think she was being a bitch in the same car, actually. - Yeah, I didn't think, I thought last night. - Yeah, I know, I thought it was reasonable that she said that to Heather. I didn't think, I didn't, I thought-- - I thought Shannon was just losing her mind. - What? - What you were saying before, and I totally respect that those are your friends or whatever, and that you're not gonna trash talk, but I will. I don't believe what you just said, a thing about Tamara. I think you're such a good friend because-- - Well, you don't believe that I said what? - I don't believe that Tamara didn't want her baptism, and it wasn't totally planned. - That's what she-- - She had Tamara as a total-- - Of it, that's what she told me. - She got the finale party, like that bitch ain't dumb, she's been on that show for so long, you know. - That's what she told me, and I don't know why she would like me about it. - If you can't get married again, you get married to Jesus. - Because when she-- - Because when she-- - Because when she told, when she was getting married, she's like, I go, how'd they ask you to put the wedding on TV? And she goes, yeah, but I don't know Eddie, and I go, fucking do it Tamara. It's your third wedding, you're gonna get paid, you're gonna get the greatest footage from it, people wanna see it, your life is out there anyway, why would you not, and go spend 50,000 till I go to Ireland, why would you do that when you can make 250 and be, I'm nice at it. And she was like, but she did him and how about it, and then she did it, so it's like, but with this, I'm just saying what you told me. If she was lying to me, then she was lying to me. She told me, no, that the baptism thing was not gonna be part of the show. She knew people would say it was exploitive and everything, but then they asked her, and she was like, okay, you know, let me see if I can make a positive out of it, and if it means that anybody might be so inclined to go back to the church or discover the church, then I'm gonna see that as the positive. That's what she said. - She's so true. Love is Tamara, 'cause this year she started with the Christianity, 'cause last year, so much of housewives are, so much of the motivation on these storylines are like how badly you got beat up on Twitter last year. - I actually love that they talk about that now on the show. They're like, well, people were mean up to it, and yeah. So I think that she came back and she is like, I'm gonna do this good Christian thing or whatever, and she started everything that's going on now. Tamara started every single storyline, but she did it with a smile, and then she raised Jesus and backed away slowly and let everybody know. - Oh, Brooke says that I can't wait to say this again. - The psychic with Brooke's not having cancer. What was the other stuff in the season? That's like, all the seasons in it. - I don't know, this gets back to what I was saying before, is that Tamara has never been in the periphery of any season ever. She has always been right in the middle of anything that's going on. Which you gotta admit, it's like very impressive. I mean, she does it in a way where you're not like, where you feel like-- - You mean when she went, you're going to Bass Lake. You went to Bass Lake. And again, another cancer story. Again, another cancer story. - Well, was that one true? - Yes, he died of cancer. I was going to say, that was like a legit one. So I thought we were talking about almost cancer. I was like, oh, no, did it fly? - Well, I actually was going to ask you this though. - Yes. - Remember that weird season of Tamara's life when she was friends with Gretchen? Was that actually-- - Yes. - Were they two years ago or so? Were they actually friends that season or was that just for TV? - You know what, we, one time we had a guest host 'cause Chelsea did not like having housewives on and wouldn't allow it. So we had a guest host and they couldn't find any guests. And I said, would you like me to call Tamara? And Gretchen, I thought it would be funny 'cause Fortune was the host and Fortune's like this funny kind of lesbian girl. And I'm like, if the girls get real blonde and cute, it'll be like a fun interview. So then they were like, yeah, call them. So they both came with Slade and Eddie. And it was during the season that they were friends. And they absolutely were friends. And they all went out to STK for dinner. - Wow. - So, but no, they're not friends now. Definitely not friends now. - That was like a awakenings, you know? It was like for a moment, there was like life and everything was good. And then it just all receded back down again into hate. - I mean, I think it is what it is. I think it's, you know. - It was very strange that they were friends with-- - It's a show and I went, why did they eat each other together to get an intern job? - So they, so the-- - The princess. - They made up, she gave her the bracelet, the makeup. But then the following season, things started to fall apart again because old, sort of like the old wounds about that phone call in the middle of the night kind of resurfaced. I think that Tamara, if I remember correctly, and I could be completely wrong, wasn't Tamara sort of like-- - Because Tamara said that the whole time that she was acting like she was in love with the dying cancer guy-- - Right, she was having a-- - That she was having a fair and the guy somehow got Tamara's number and was like hurt that I guess Gretchen was blowing them off or they had a secret love affair that had a fame war too, he was all over the internet giving interviews and putting secret stories everywhere too. - I think that the-- - Yes, I mean, now I don't know, who knows? I mean, yes, the guy may have called Tamara, but maybe the guy was lying the whole time, but she was getting the information, I don't know. - Somehow it all kind of resurfaced in a way where Tamara, I think, if I remember correctly, I feel like Tamara was sort of expecting Gretchen to be a little bit more forthcoming now. Tamara's like, well look, I put the past behind us, so now you can tell me it's okay and I won't pass judgment. I think that's the vibe that I got, but maybe there was something that kicked that off, like maybe Tamara-- - If Tamara forgives you, be afraid, okay? The best thing is when Tamara's pissed because she's so upfront about her emotions that you could at least argue and be done with it. That's, like these shows, the things on this shows, like we root up and down, I don't always hate Tamara. This year I do 'cause this whole fake Christian thinks killing me, and not that I'm like a big-- - I always, it's always like a fake-- - I don't think-- - It's not like I'm rooting for the Christians either, it's just weird to me, I don't like it, 'cause I grew up born again Christian, so some of the-- - So born again, me and my parents were born again, when they had me. - 'Cause you were born again, you were born Christian. - I was born Christian, but when I say I was born born again, I mean, I was born to-- - That was the kind of Christianity, yeah. - You born again. - Because that's very specific-- - That's very different. - No, I mean, I'm Catholic, and what people don't realize is when you've been raised in the Catholic church, it is so different than the kind of Christian church that Tammer goes to, and you know, like we-- - No guitars. - Yeah, we're about, for a perfect example, I went to Mass. This is how Catholic works, right? My kids go to Catholic school. - I just wanna say, all I know about Mass is from what I saw about Joe taking his kids to their church. - Okay, it's not, okay, let me tell you, Catholic Mass is not nearly as fun as the OC Christian with the affliction shirts and the rock and roll, like they have it way more fun than us, okay? It's a priest with an accent and it's real quiet, but whenever I've been like somewhat recruited, like even people are like, you gotta go to Bellaire Press, that's like Reagan's old church, it's really fun, like Reese Witherspoon goes, "Come on, Heather, you'll love it." I can't, like I'm like, I can't, I was raised at state mouths, that's my Catholic church, if my kids are gonna go to church, they're gonna stick to the boring church that they're used to, I can't show them a fun church and then they'll be bummed that we have to go to the boring one again. - It's a fun church. - It's God's day, I gotta go camp, so this, okay, this is a funny story, okay, so, Sunday morning, I'm sleeping, I'm like sleep mask, I did two Z equals, it's kind of a happening moment here. - Rock and roll, heaven. - Oh, it's fucking rockin' it out. And it's, it has a walk and he goes, "Hey, are you awake?" I'm like, "Well, now I am," he's like, "I gotta know, "I gotta, what's your emotional state, what's going on?" You just woke me up, "What is happening?" He's like, "I gotta talk to you about something." I'm like, "Just tell me who's dead, who's dead, "what is going on?" He's like, "Well, it's, we have this cat, "who is a bangle, but when we adopted him, "we got him from Orange County, and they can "de-claw them in Orange County, and they can't do it in LA." So he came de-clawed. - They can't de-claw cats in LA. - No, no, no, no wonder no one wants one. - So this one is de-clawed and beautiful, and we live near the, in between the Ventura and the Santa Monica and Counts, there are coyotes from the, and I used to live in Theron, I grow up, but I remember my friend screaming and her cat was screwed across the lawn, like, so, but this cat, if we didn't let him out, his life would suck. So in the morning, we let him in our backyard, okay? And he really has a tracker on his neck and he hangs out. So he's like, the neighbor called and said, "Is Simba in the house?" And my husband's like, "No, we have a routine." He get, you know, he gets him out, feeds him, he likes to go outside in the morning. So he's like, 'cause he says, "I think I saw his leg." - Oh. - "When he went to go back "to get the leg, the leg was gone." So I was like, "Oh my God, oh my God, I'm out." So we're looking for the cat, the kids are sleeping, we're looking for the cat, we're trying to do the tracker, we can't find, I'm like, all right, you know, let's take the kids, you know, let's tell the kids and then let's get them donuts, you know, I don't know what to do. I mean, I've, we've never had a pet before. I'm devastated, I'm like, I'm never gonna see him lick the sink water again, I'm never, I'm just dying. So we walk out and the kids are sitting there and they're watching their cartoons, I'm like, they have no clue what's happening. And I go, "You guys?" And then my husband goes, "Cats outside, he's alive. "Oh, the cat is alive." - The cats are free. - It's cancer free and alive. I fall to my knees. My kids are like, what's going on? I'm like, you guys, we are going to church. We are God, I pray God, so we go to my Catholic church and the, okay, now the point of the Catholic church. So this, my priest is up there and he's like, "Hey, I wanna tell you not all, "every one of the Catholic church is gonna like me. "I'm much more liberal, I'm like Pope Francis. "I will bless a divorce, I will accept, you know, different." So what people don't realize is there's different levels of Catholics and we are not like the Bible Belt Christian. - For Angela's ashes. - Yeah, it's like, that's why people go, there's these things called Cafeteria Catholics, which is what I was raised as, where it's like-- - The cafeteria Catholic? - Where you pick out what you will use. - So it's like, I'm okay with birth control, I'm okay with gay, I'm okay with, you know, if someone's really miserable and they get divorced, no one should be miserable, their whole life. - Yeah, it's like the subscriber package where you pick the ones you want and just put them in the box. - Yeah, but then you, but then what you've learned and how you've become, you don't wanna abandon it because it's still what you know and you like. But you're kind of like, hey, Jesus loves me. Like, we're good, we're good. And then I'll take what I like and I like that it's school and the education. So like, that's the difference when people go, oh, you're Christian, you know, it's just, there's a huge difference between-- - Yeah, that's why I say what my path is, 'cause you have to say, like, I was raised this kind of Christian because people who are raised like that understand because half my family was Lebanese and they were Catholic and I was Catholic school. And then the other part was the born-again crazies. So I've seen every part, you know, my parents go to cool church now, they've got the band. And they're like, wow, it's a huge, wide screen. And the preacher's not even here, he's on a satellite. He's in four churches. I'm like, hey, I'm a fucking watch cable. You can order a pizza. Get out of here with your big chairs. - Yeah, and they can drink, and like the Christian churches, they have Starbucks and you can bring the coffee? - What is? - But the team never, like, we could, you can't eat-- - You can't eat drink when you're in mass. Like, what are you talking about? You're supposed to have literally fast an hour before-- - It's just with a book movie popcorn. - I mean, you know, there's just things like that that I just don't. - I'm Jewish, so I went to, I went to a synagogue. I actually went to the, I wouldn't say, you don't really have rival synagogues, but basically where I grew up, everyone either went to my synagogue, or at a temple Bethel, and Heather went to temple Bethel, 'cause she's from Java. - Oh. - That's my, that's my-- - I'm Baptist. - Here's what you guys-- - Yeah, Baptist, yeah. - Here's why the religious storyline doesn't hate you guys as hard. You're a Heather. - Yes. - And then you're a Catholic, so, well, like you're a real Heather. You're a real Catholic Heather, so you don't understand the born-again craziness, okay? When I was being raised, there were really nice, wonderful, obviously, Christians, but then those fake ones who just did it, like when they were in trouble or needed to repair, it's always the guy who's cheating that's giving the fucking sermon. It's always, every single time, and the point is, well, we're all hypocrites. I get that, you know, you say you're sorry and you're given, but not if you're still fucking somebody else, get off the pulpit, like, come on, man. So then-- - Well, sometimes my husband's not religious, and sometimes I'll have some envy when I see the husbands with their wives, you know, in church, and I'm like, ah. - Oh, he doesn't go to church at all? Like, he doesn't go with-- - He'll go on Christmas and Easter. In the beginning, I could get him to go more. And then, you know, I just don't have as much power as I used to. I don't know, I just choose my battles. I just don't care. - Oh, yeah. - I mean, 'cause I'm like, you know, all right, I agreed to marry him like this. I kind of hoped that he would, like, find it. - You listen to Dr. Laura. - Why, what does she say? I should do. - 'Cause that's, so, I was just talking about her with the part. - Choosing your battles, you mean, or? Just choosing your mate, you know, how you're like, I chose him this way, and this is who he is, and I'm not gonna like-- - Yeah, I was hoping-- - Be right in my mind. - Be right in my mind. - Or whatever. - Yeah, I hoped that it would be. But my sister and my best friend, both also, they marry Jewish guys that have allowed the kids to be raised Catholic, that will go twice a year, and they're really great guys. And even though my husband wasn't Jewish, he just wasn't raised religious. And so he's kind of in the same. They're all sort of the same. And sometimes that's hard, where I'm like, come on, you guys, let's go. And they're like, dad's not going. I'm like, well, dad didn't come out of my vagina. What do you want to do? - Yeah, I own you. - Yeah, I'm like, you're going, and he's gonna have to wait longer in line to get to heaven, and we're gonna like bypass the law. I don't know what to say. So it makes it harder, but then, there was like this one couple that I envied because he was like, really, really just like, he'd be like, let's say, grace before dinner, and let's pray for the troops, and all this stuff. And I was like, God, I just, you know. Anyway, he turned out to totally dump my friend, cheat owner, have a girlfriend. And so then I'm like, my husband is so not a hypocrite. - Right. - It's like, absolutely not what he is. So I'm like, he's not great at everything, you know, but like that is, so I know it would have to deal with someone pretending to be super duper Christian, and like fucking the church secretary. - Exactly. - You know, it's like, that's really good. - Yeah, religious part, it's the, okay, you can remember that movie where Susan Saranthan and Sean Penn, and he was like a murder or whatever. Oh yeah, dead man walking. - Oh yeah, yeah. Susan Saran, and she was like, but you know, the death penalty, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, didn't he find Jesus? Is that in my head? - She, I don't remember. - I mean, she felt like he was more. - She felt like he was dead, bro. In general, it's like, you've murdered 10 people, and you found Jesus, and I'm so glad that Jesus forgave you. You're still gonna die, I didn't forgive you, fucker, bye. So that's kinda how I feel like when anybody goes through a bad time, and then they're suddenly Christian, I'm like, well, I'm glad Jesus forgave you. I still think you're a seaward. - Yeah. - I think the death penalty should not happen, because I think they should just make it quicker. - I don't think it should happen, because there's so many times where it's not true, and there's like wrong convictions, and it costs so much to actually convict them, that if we just took it off the table completely and didn't even start with appeals and all this shit, 'cause if you're on death row, you can keep appealing, 'cause you're about to die. But if they were just like, hey, you've got life, then those appeals would stop, and we'd save money there, and everybody just knows they have to do life, and that's that. - Yeah, well-- - And also, because I think it is like inhumane, like I just-- - Well, speaking of incarceration-- - This is gonna be real, let's talk about-- - I know, I've added Real House has a new-- - Get back, 'cause it always leads to something. It's like cancer. - Let's talk about the real problem, Melania, let's talk about the true criminal. - We'll be right back. - Casper is an online retailer of premium mattresses for a fraction of the price. The mattress industry has inherently forced consumers into paying notoriously high markups. Casper is revolutionized in the mattress industry by cutting the cost of dealing with resellers and showrooms, and passing that savings directly to the customer. - A Casper mattress provides resilience and long-lasting supportive comfort. Casper's mattress is one-of-a-kind, a new hybrid mattress that combines premium latex foam with memory foam. - Matresses can often cost well over $1,500, but Casper mattresses cost between $500 for a twin-size mattress, $600 for a twin XL, $750 for a full-size, $850 for a queen-size, and $9.50 for a king-size mattress. 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I used that promo code. - Yeah, of course he's our own promo code. - Which is on you, bitch. - Terms and conditions apply. - This is just a thing for Halloween. - You know what I'm sad about this? - I don't know how to change that. - Very Joe Jude, I think. - This is what's wrong. - It's like sweaty and breathy. - This is what I'm worried about with Melania, okay. - I'm looking at my nose. - One of the main, I went to this parenting class when my step daughter was like three and I was pregnant with my son. And they said, "Don't ever label your kids." Like, don't ever, you know how sometimes parents, they think they're being complimentary. But they're like, "This is my math wizard "and this is my reader." They're like, "Don't ever do that." Because then the reader is like, "I don't have to be good at math." And the math one is like, "I'm not into books." - Or even worse, that's the trouble one in the family, like Melania. - So this is like, you know, so then all of a sudden they're like, "I'm never gonna be as good as setting the table "as Gabriella. "I'm never gonna be as responsible as Gia. "So my role is to be bad "and that's the only way I get attention "and I'm just gonna be bad forever." And she's got the hair. - She's gonna shave back. - She's got the hair. - Learn to shave a back. - Oh my God. And she's got the hair lot, the shortest of the four heads. I mean, and then that little one looks like she's like a doll from the 30s or something. - She's actually like a little cartoon drawing in the 30s. - You know, she's like, "I did that." - Little Betty Boo, like a little Betty Boo. - I know, the one part that did make me cry really made me feel sad is when she goes, "Mommy says when she gets out, "she's gonna hug me so hard." - When the little one said that I was like, "Why didn't you just do your fucking paperwork "and dump a bitch?" - I know, that's so early. - You were given the gift of God bankruptcy. All they had to do was follow the rules of bankruptcy and they chose not to. - And not only did they not follow 'em and go to jail, they still kept hiding shit. - That's what I'm saying. - 'Cause the feds kept coming in and raping them. 'Cause Theresa was hiding shit in the basement. She was like, no, even after she was convicted and going to prison, she's still hiding shit in the basement. - And then they act like, "Well, you've always made "some mistakes." - Well, she's hiding in the basement. - 'Cause you know, you have to list everything that you own and she was still not listing everything that she owned. She kept getting in trouble before she went to jail. They came to her house on Christmas and took away all the gifts because she had spent, you know, jude ice money on those gifts. That's for a hundred grand company. - People really come and take the gifts out of the little girl pants. - The little girl pants. - They had so many second chances to not catch this. - We're still living in a mansion. - I know. - How are they doing this? - Someone he's like, and how is he getting any money? - Yeah, that's why. - When I'm like, how do they already pay off some of the debt? I'm like, for what? - Maybe the cookbooks, maybe the cookbooks. - I can't, I mean, I've written a book. It's, you don't make that much money off these books. - I mean, I don't understand how, like, throwing garbage off-- - But she's got a new book coming out, thank God. - The show, I think. They're getting it from the show. - Yeah, the show would pay a lot. - 'Cause they were talking about it while they were cheating. - I just can't imagine a throwing garbage off of a rooftop that's gonna be enough to get you out of like a $10 million hole. - What? - That's what I do. - Like, you know what, I look at my handbag. - You know what, it's just all right, everybody. The business is all right, already, you're like, you know, it's like, come on. - Can we do predictions about what's gonna happen? - Yes, let's do it. - I predict that when Theresa gets out of jail, things are gonna be worse than ever between her and her brother and her sister-in-law. Because Melissa spent the entire hour just like, hanging out being like, well, I mean, I wanna visit her, but she just, you know, she won't put me on the list. But, you know, that's okay. I hope she has a lot of time to think about what she did wrong, though. And, you know, realize that family's important and she should think about family. - 'Cause we're getting along so well now that Theresa's not here. Look how close we are all. I hope that she can realize that this is what family is. You know, you have a lot of time to think in jail. I was like, damn, Melissa, she was going in in such a passive way. - She's gonna have those kids calling her mom soon. - Bitch, and I love it. - But I don't understand why she doesn't-- - Well, not so-- - Really, she showed up on the show. - She's coming like two months. - She's what? - She's coming home in two months. - I know. - Yeah, but Theresa watches these three episodes. - Well, it's gonna happen. Okay, so this is my Theresa. So when he leaves, I think within a year, she's gonna find out that he is corresponding with other women in jail, and that'll give her reason to divorce him. And in three years, she'll have some other juicy J. - Guys, we all know because she's so preparing already to dump Joe, and even the kids are like, when he got in trouble with Gia, and she said, "Mom would leave you if you ever," she already told her-- - Yeah, she's heard it, she's heard it how many times, like, she's like, "Babe, you took these kids "and you're out." - And then also, even when he gets out, he's gotta go back to Italy, it's over. - Oh, they don't want it. - Yeah. - I was like, "What am I gonna do in Italy?" You know, I got, like, family, I walk around, you know? Like, I walk around Italy, you know? - You guys like Matt, but shoot, tell me, can we just talk for a bit about "Manzone" with children? - Yes, please. - I hate it, what do you think? - Hate it. - You do too? - I hate it, I like Caroline, I appreciate her as a mother trying to give her 20-somethings kids jobs and pushing the envelope with Bravo and putting a gun to their head to allow them to have two seasons, but my God. - It's awful, those kids. - It is not good. - Most kids are not, what are they doing? - I like most of the people on the show. - It's just boring, it's like nice people, but I'm like, "Oh my God, can anybody just have a reality show?" No, not everybody can, not everybody can. - I think they're a lot funnier than they are. - Oh my God, this guys think they're so funny. Especially the younger one. - It's not, it's like, okay, I just can't. - Fat rich white people making fart jokes. I'll go to the growth. You know, we, I need this. I'll be in Burbank at the 1K. - Do you think they're gonna give them a third season now that she's married? And then it's gonna all be about getting pregnant? - Is anybody watching them? - And why is she marrying him? - And why does anybody want to see the orange right here? - I know, I feel like she's gonna wake up and divorce them in two years. Maybe the show's still on, that'll give her a second. - She's gonna know if she won't, because she didn't do it when she was then. That's when women leave. When women finally like lose the wake, that's when they like. - But she still has, she still has the mind of a fat girl. - That's why she's doing it. - So she thinks that she can never, she doesn't know. - There's some weird thing, like, none of those kids are like have an adventurous spirit. They don't want to go out to the water. - What happened to black water? What happened to black water? - It's still being sold around. They must have sold it, but I actually see it in the stores. - Is it that there's so many vitamins that make it black? What is it? - It's like some kind of slippery thingy. - Maybe makes people like nostalgic for New Jersey. It's just like black. - Does that make you shit? What does it do? - Yeah, it's dirty water. Jersey water. They should've just called it Jersey water. - Yeah, Jersey. - They never explained it's why you would want to buy it. - I think it's just a gimmick like Crystal Pepsi. There's minerals in it, there's some mineral in it that turns black, and Jacqueline Loretta was trying to say that it's something that helps autism, naturally. Like these bitches, I'm telling you, when you'll squeeze the life for a storyline out of your autistic child's for TV, you're a bitch. - Come back to my TV, Jack. - I feel like, you know what, they whirl knows that she... I think it was like, hey, you can be on the show, you can share your struggle, you can let people know, and you can collect this Jack. - I agree, I don't think she should be silent, but black water specifically, when she's going on Twitter saying that that helps autism and then tagging autism things with black water, when they're gonna go, they could go to jail too. - If you look up anything, do apricots help autism? Someone has some type of proof that it does, or my kid started eating apricots, and he looked me in the eye, I don't know. It's like everybody can say that like a diet or something, like nobody really knows, which is why... - You just say almost cancer isn't almost really cancer, you guys. Like it could be a thing, 'cause even that medicine lady, I don't wanna call her a doctor, but hella, what? Not hella. - Hella, linka. - Yeah, linka, linka. - Linka, the lady on Real Housewives of Orange County, she's like, just detox, let us detox the cancer. - And now Vicki's doing ads for this detox center, because of Brooks, you know, so his cancer led to an endorsement deal of this bitch who's on TV, and on her website, she says she almost had... - What, she had almost cancer, she listed it. - Who did the detox? - The detox center, on Linka's website. Linka, the woman who said you have to have a copy on a... - That wears the detox shirt every day. - Yeah, and if I take your shoes off and like get the minerals from the ground through your feet, on her website, it says that Linka went through this and it said like in like 2010, Linka had borderline cancer. - Borderline cancer, that's hilarious. - It literally says borderline cancer. - And remember those ads where people would say you put the thing at the bottom of your feet and you pull it off and it's all this dirt, that's all the toxic, and they found out that that was like such a bullshit thing. Like there's so much bullshit stuff like that. - Well, Dr. Oz, have you ever looked up, Dr., okay, go home when you're just bored on the pot or whatever. - Look up, Dr. Oz fraud. Oh my God, this shit that that man has tried to peddle us. And my mother shoves every single one of them down my throat. So I've tried them in my thing. Am I, whoa, just in my ribs? No, Dr. Oz, it's a fucking liar, Heather. Don't leave these women, they're all liars. Now, I'm not saying she's like faking her son's autism. I'm just saying it's a little tacky to like be... - So what is gonna happen in the life? - I'm gonna go back to the point at hand. - Yes, what was that? - Predictions for managers with children. - Oh, predictions, oh gosh. Let's see, so let they've worked a little restaurant in like Hoboken, the kids. They have had-- - Is it show done? Second season, or is it coming back? - Oh, please, I hope it's done. I hope it's done. - No predictions, not what really happened. - We don't know if it's not coming back. - No, no, but we're saying predictions, right? - Predictions of what happened. - Like, where are they gonna be in five years? - Yeah, yeah. - Where are they gonna be five years? - I think they're gonna be working at like an amaco or something like that. Like, I just, I can't imagine. - Albie is gonna literally turn into Chris. He's gonna look just like him. Chris will come out of the closet. - Albie, you think Chris is gay? - The younger one? - I don't think Chris is gray, gay. - I do, I think he's at least on the spectrum, yeah. - I think they're all gonna be living in the same house. - Yeah, I'm sorry, I can't. I get one thing in my head that's forever. They're all gonna be living in the same house. - Cancer, autism, Bix, and what are we on now, Chris? - I don't think they're gonna be living in the same house. I think they're all gonna have their own life because they don't need to live in the same house if we're not filming the show. - Yeah, but none of them are doing anything with it. - But they don't even talk to each other 'cause they never care about them. - But why do they have to if they're getting a sour problem? - Chris and Albie don't talk to each other anymore. I can't even imitate her, but she's like, "You kids well talk to each other, your brothers, "that's what we do, you get together and you talk. "I don't like this, your brother not talking "and you not talk." I was like, click, click, I don't care. They hate each other in real life or something, but. - We're thick as thieves, you know? - Thick as thieves. - Thick as thieves. - By the way, one thing I really enjoyed about that. - And she cracks up so much at Albie and Christopher. - She laughed, does she laugh? - And like, I guess that, you know? Like of course, the mother's gonna laugh at her kids. - She loves those kids. - But like, that's great. You could tell the love. - What happened to Cafe Face? - It's like, yeah. - What happened to Cafe Face? - We got to call it Cafe Face. - Cafe Face. - Cafe Face. - And what happened to the restaurant in Hobo? - They still have Cafe Face. They sell egg salad, scrunchies, manicures, pedicures, face lifts, like they have everything there. - Cafe Face. - Yeah, so the draw-- - And then is the restaurant still there? The Hoboken restaurant? - That's terrible, terrible. - But it didn't close, did it? The restaurant? - Well, they are not clearly working it anymore. I don't know if it closed or not, but-- - I love it when people think like, let's open a restaurant. It's the hardest thing, whatever happened. - It is gross. - Anything else, I would rather do anything else than open a restaurant. - How did you grow? Remember she wanted to open up a restaurant a few seasons ago? - And that was the best advice Vicki gave her. Like, you have no fucking clue. Really, you have homework and everything. And aren't any of you gonna be there every night, running it, people stealing food that you do the wrong order, growing up, like she was that type. And we went broke in the real estate, whatever in the 80s, and so my mom got it together and became a caterer and saved the family. She was a hero, you know? But the worst part when she started owning restaurants was she was the one who was the snob. And being like, "Oh, cilantro on a frozen patty." You know, she would get like that. But then now you have these bitches complaining at you and you're at work, and it is not fun. She was like, "Fuck this." Like the ladies from the country club bossing her around her leaving snotty comment cards. Not cute, nope. I would love that in a Heather store and I know pass it on. - Is that what she should want? - Heather reading comment cards at a run restaurant and kidding, I would die. They're like that tree's ugly. She'd be like, "Ugh." - When we were at dinner, when we were at dinner, she was very much like, when we ordered. She's like, "And don't rush it. You were here to, we wanna relax, wanna relax." - So we'll have the appetizers first, then wait like a good 20 minutes, then the entrees. Not before that. (laughing) - I feel like she is a little worse nightmare. - But actually when she said that I was like, "I've never done that." And I actually think it's really smart because if you are there for the evening, it is awkward when your food comes like that. - Oh yeah. - It's great when you're-- - It's a bad restaurant. - Right, it's great when you, you know-- - Well when you're paying that much in tip alone, all of the time. - Yeah, you know like, "Hey, we wanna hang out for like a solid two, three hours. We don't wanna just have an empty table, you know, with just drinks on it for the last hour and a half so we can spread out this dinner." But like, I never occurred to me to ever tell a way to that. And like, I just thought that's a good tip. - But you can't do that in a chillies. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? That's like a master's-- - No, you have to do it in a restaurant. Yeah, I got a nice restaurant. - It's a bad restaurant if you are still on your appetizers and the entrees come out. And that does happen, and that is really annoying. - Yeah. - But I'm assuming that places, I mean, if you're a Heather Dubro, you go into a place that's like that. I mean, that's like shocking. - Oh, I'm sure she knows the owner's a little blonde. - The master's in Orange County. So I've been to the one here a few times. So in Orange County, do they have that balcony area like they have here where people just get shit-faced and start acting like they're in smaller than the Mora? - No, no, it's a ground floor restaurant. - Oh, master's. So on the bottom-- - Yeah, I know. - Master's is gorgeous, but master's definitely hills gets crazy up there 'cause it's just like old men and the hookers they love basically. - I love that, I love that. - And they're hot plates. - So fun. - And then waiters and polyester tuxes or whatever. - I haven't been there in a long time. - I went there, I think I told this on a podcast one. - Such a heavy night. You know what I mean, it's such heavy food. - It is. - No matter how much you try to go, let's do split skis, whatever, you always feel like you're gonna barf after. - I got a baked potato there and it was like dripping with cheese and stuff. In Beverly Hills. I once went there and there was all this leftover food, like a leftover, basically like half a steak. - Yeah. - Like a big half a steak. It wasn't like a little like whatever. - It was like a full like next dinner. - Because if you look at the prices and you're like, I really want to petite filet, but for $10 more I can get the big filet. - Right, yeah. - And now look at the big filet and bring half of it home. - So I brought half of it home. - I found you eat too much of it where you're there and you want to barf, yeah. - Well I brought half at home and the next day I was like, oh I have my masher steak and I opened it up and they didn't put the steak in there, it was all lettuce. They stole my half eaten steak. - Oh my god, there's some well fed. - Can you believe it? - You called. - I called. - You did it, tell me. - Wait, let's do the call, ding-a-ling-ling. Hello. - There, it's always an English person. Why all the English people have to take our hostessing jobs, like America's fucked enough, okay? - I know, I know. - Well the wall. - Hello, welcome to Master's Beverly Hills. How may I help you? - Hi, I just opened up my leftover container. I was supposed to have a steak in there and it's just lettuce. I was just in there last night and you guys did not put the steak in there that I had paid for. - Well I'm very terribly sorry to have that happen to you. We really have no control over what goes in or it leaves the restaurant after it's been purchased. So I'd be happy to take your name and number and the manager can call you. - Oh, yeah, that'd be great and my-- - So thank you very much. (laughing) - Ring, ring, hi, this is the manager of Master's calling you back about your missing steak in a salad box. (laughing) It's like a huge thing, nobody gives a shit. - What, she said me, they sent me a gift of a gift. - Which I actually have yet to ask. - They sent you a gift of a gift of a gift. - Oh, you're gonna be the asshole. - Okay, so anybody, listen. - I know, I know. - If anybody wants a free gift of a gift, it's a certificate. - Call up. - That's what you do. You call an Astros and you go, I'm very disappointed. It's noon, I'm ready to fucking go off on half of a steak. It's not here, like that's not gonna be my steak. I have to tell you, that's something that, you know the only thing that gets me more upset than something like that? Like I plan on eating it for lunch. I sat down, I got like my in-touch magazine, I'm a home alone, I'm gonna fucking have the steak, is I'm about to put on a dress for a television appearance and it has a fucking sensor on it. - Ah. - Oh, that happened a lot. - Both those things. - You really look like a bravo person walking around with a sensor, girl. - I wore it, I wore a dress out with a sensor because I was going to a Christmas party. Chris Knoth. - Ooh. - Sexy city. - Why would you go to someone's place who was on lawn order? You can't do that with a stolen dress. (laughing) - You didn't think of that. It was like, it was like a red dress with a black lace over, it was a Christmas. And if I held my hand on my thigh, you couldn't see it. (laughing) And I just really wanted to wear it. - That's so good. - When I haven't sat in my head, this is what I'm wearing. I can't switch to a dress from last year. - So how come you're not on bravo? Do you have any desire to be a housewife or anything? Like you fit the profile? - I don't fit the profile because I'm not wealthy enough. I'm not wealthy enough at all. - Well you're famous, that's more. - Thank you, that's more, right? - My house, no. And I think that the difference is like, I mean, look, if they called me, I would absolutely entertain the idea. Like, I'd be crazy not to. With the eyes, millions of viewers, you know, like, I'm never gonna be like, no, that's not my brand. You know, please, I'm in the mother in my 40s and I don't have a podcast. I will fucking do anything. I'm very much like Joan Rivers. Like every time someone, every time I get offered something in my team is like, I don't know Heather, you know? I think you're at a different level. I'm like, I hear Joan Rivers being like, take everything, find living a box. - And swatch what crap is. - But right, that's because I'm, but also it's like being a comedian, I'm, it's not like I have a, you know, oh, once I won't be the audience anymore. Like I see like, okay, I have hopefully a life. I wanna be like, I heard like Joy Behar has a new show coming out on TLC and someone wrote, Joy Behar has a late night show in TLC. Why don't you, I'm like, that is the greatest news I ever heard, that they're giving late night shows to Jewish, not Jewish, she's Italian, what is she? - She's Italian. - But they're giving it to white women in their 70s. Like, I want to hear that. I don't wanna, more disturbing as they gave it to a YouTube star. No, I wanna hear why women in their 70s have TV shows and they're giving it to them at that point in her career. So I'm like, I'll just do whatever. So, but I think the difference is like between like Elisa Ren, you know, Elisa Rena is, like, I don't know if they'd be afraid that I would be thinking too much like a producer and a comedian to really start fighting with someone. Like, I can't imagine that I'd be fighting with someone for real. - That's the thing, like, you can never imagine yourself being caught. Like, you're too, you're smart. You're like an intelligent, talented, witty person. You would think I would never get caught. They get you, I'm telling you, they ruin. I mean, like, that's the way they do it. - That's why that's why it makes a little scary, because that's the thing. It's like, you sign up for that and you don't have any say. It's like, it's not your show. Like, like, Chris Jenner is the EP of the show. And, you know, so it's like, if there's something that went down, like, you could be like, that's out. Like, I'm sorry. - We used to work for that reality company, Pina Murray. So, we know their company and yeah, they run that. They run that place. - Right, and you know, and you, yes, they agree to reel a lot, but I'm sure there's some that they go, no, we don't want that in there. And that's kind of nice to know, but I don't know. It would be interesting, but it's like, when I get in fights with my own friends, it's like, I kind of diffuse it pretty quickly. And so I don't really like the conflict. I mean, really dull. - Plus, it could be more like a Heather was this year. - Heather to grow, this year said this about 500 times. I think what she means is, that's all she did. I think what she didn't say is, I think you're misinterpreting it because I think what her reaction was coming off of is, and so she came off really well. - Plus, also, you know, they'll just think about going. - And I feel like-- - I still tease her all the time because I grew up with the junior league ladies. So to me, that's how they do to grow up. - Oh, totally. - Like, "Bother shut up." Nobody, she'll be like, you know, just when she gets so fancy, I'm gonna shut up Heather. - But, you know, I think-- - Junior league, I was a Valley Deb. - You were? - I was a Mary Dukie Deb. I was a double Deb. - You know, the junior league made me a fabulous guy. I love you ladies. That changed my life. I grew up-- - How were you in the junior league? - Well, my mother was, okay. So she was obsessed. And, you know, everybody would hang out and have parties every day at the house. It was like the Franzia parties, while they talk about what charity they're gonna help or whatever, and then fight amongst each other. That was my first, like, Real Housewives obsession was, like, Real El Paso. The Real Housewives of El Paso. - El Paso, junior league. - Yeah, the other thing that's scary about going on reality TV is that it does, I feel like, really impact your real life relationships. I mean, you see a lot of marriages crumble, you see friendships get destroyed. So there's also that to consider. - It's very scary, but it's also, you can really see why it's fun. I mean, listen, sometimes I look at these reality stars and, you know, when I was at the dinner, one of those marketing executive bravo people came over and we're talking to Shannon, and I was eavesdropping, like I do. And, it's like, sometimes I have to look at these reality stars and I'm like, Heather, have the balls that these people have. Because as someone that's been in the business since, you know, I graduated from college, going to groundlings, trying to get an agent, rejection, the agent's not coming back. I guess they don't want to represent me. How hard it took to get here. And these women are instantly a star within a year. And on, in magazines and getting paid to tweet, and it comes so quickly. - It's so different. - It comes so quickly, but then also their attitude is like, they're not afraid of anybody. And sometimes I was like, I need to be a little bit like that when I'm like meeting with executives and stuff. Because I'm like, who cares, we're the same age. Why am I intimidated by you? But they're still this little like 21 year old inside of me that's like, just, here's my headshot. - But you're also a performer whose job, you know, your job security relies on you being funny and talented and bright and material. And there's desert and it's more of, it's just a different kind of thing. - But it's amazing. I know, but it's just amazing how she's like, you should get us, why are we going on nice trips? Like, you know, I'm like, oh my God. Like, who is? - We're having a great life. - Yeah, like, oh my God, the balls that you have. But it's because you had-- - But I would cry every day if I read, if I heard anybody saying anything, we've just even said today, which hasn't been the bad-- - I have a thin skin. - I would be, I would cry. I'm like a typical bully. - What is anything bad about anyone? - No, but even if someone was like, he's a fake Christian. You know, just talking in my tone, I'm a typical bully. The second you hit me back, I'll start sobbing and like binge eating. I'm like that, I couldn't ever be on a bad trip cry. - I think it's sort of like a deal with the devil. You do get that fame. You do get to go on these great trips. And I think there are some-- - Great trips. - So you shoot 30 hours a day and have to listen to Shannon talk about her book. - It's really worth it 'cause she like, to go swimming with sharks. - Only how bravo would they be like, okay, cast. - Get in the water with those sharks, and we'll be shooting it from up there. - I have a big thing like, and I have to get over this 'cause so much TV is more reality-based, even if it's not a reality show, it's like, oh, we're just gonna run the cameras and then we're gonna edit, like so much of it. And I have like this weird codependent thing where like, I see the cameraman and he's holding the heavy camera and he's starting to sweat and no one's being interesting or funny. And I'm like, motherfucker. - You feel the press? - I feel horrible for him. And I'm like, oh my God, I have to stop. I have to think more, I-- - I have to come. - If I could just think more like a reality store, I think I'd be more successful. I think I'd be more aggressive. I think I would care, give less of a shit about other people. I don't know, it's interesting. - Those are qualities. - That we can all accept-- - And no offense to any specific housewife, but the kind of, the level of narcissism that you need to be on reality TV and just be good at it, I think. - Yeah. - I think it's good that we're not born with that, you guys. - Yeah, it's a special skill. - And I love watching them. - And I'm glad you guys are born with it. - Batch. - Batch. - That's our only Tamara impersonation and it's nothing even like Tamara. - He has to be in my, it's head, batch. - It has to be. - That's my opinion! - Oh yeah, oh yeah. - That's what my voice did. - It comes out of my heart. - I mean, heartly screamed at all the day, 'cause we didn't even talk about actual reunions and stuff, but it's so good talking to you. - It was fun just when we were to chat about Bravo in general. - Just for roles, it was nice talking to you in real life. That was fun. - I know, it was really good. - I never leave my house, Heather. It's really nice to talk to you. - Thank you. - And you normally do this on Skype. As you know, 'cause the last time you were on, we did it in that. - Yeah. - So it's a cool situation. - Yes. - In the middle of your subway. - So I hope everybody also starts to listen to my Juicy Scoop. I'd really appreciate that. - Absolutely. And that's a good choice. - And actually I end my Juicy Scoop by saying, and please spread the word of Juicy Scoop as you would Jesus Christ. - No. - I really do. - And I don't-- - Juicy Scoop forgives you. - And I don't think that's anything wrong with that. Because if you would spread it-- - Thank you for listening to Juicy Scoop, "I Don't Have Cancer." We'll see you next time. - Bye. (laughs) - Juicy Scoop died for your sins. - Well, thank you so much for talking to us. - And also, you've got really good guests on there. You've got all the people you just spoke about. - Yes, I've had all of your camera-- - Yeah, we have Chris Jenner. - To Heather episode, Chris Jenner's coming up. - And then I have a lot of comedians. I think I'm weird, 'cause like you guys are all Bravo. - Bravo. - And then, yeah, you guys are coming on. I love Bryan. - You grew up with him. - I love Bryan. - So it's just a mix of, you know, if we do talk bravo stuff, I try to at least encompass it so that you don't listen. 'Cause I always remember when I would go to see a standup and standup would have like a bunch of Star Trek jokes and I hated it 'cause I didn't know about Star Trek. So I try to like talk about it in a more of like a social experiment or what's happening. - Yeah. - But no, I do have some reality stars and people that are into pop culture and then I also have straight up standups a lot. And it's also just like pop culture, celebrity bullshit. - You're always scheduled, weirdo. - We're going as a, we're coming on next week, right? - I know it's in-- - I know it's in, I know it's in a-- - And it's like I wanna be able to, it's gonna be in-- - Oh, you know what? We do it Mondays from four to six. So we should go out to dinner after. We should go, we should go, or we should go to the pump in BC. - Oh yes, yes, yes. - Oh my God, only if the skin Roomba will be there can-- - He's always there. - I love him. - He's like a slow thing around the pipe. - Yeah, we ask. - We're shedding, we're shedding, we're getting the waving hands. - Oh, God. - So anyway-- - I'm someone who actually had cancer, Sean. Okay, we'll listen to you, all right? - Yeah. - Sean, I love you. - I know we're saying the entire time we're gonna talk about this. - I know we're really talking about cancer, God bless Sean. - So anyway-- - How does Sean feel about my theory of saying cancer free before you have it? - I'm okay with it. - Okay, see? - It's just been grateful. - It's probably doing it now too, huh, Sean? Like hi, I'm Sean, I'm now cancer free. Yeah, so anyway, Heather, we're really excited to come on to your podcast next week. - Right. - Me too, I didn't even know. - And you can follow us facebook.com/watchforcrapids or go to watchforcrapids.com to find our social media links and support us at patreon.com/watchforcrapids and of course, you can choose to see something like this one, you can find it on iTunes, et cetera. And thanks again so much for coming on. - It was super, super fun. - Thank you. - Bye. - Thank you. - Today's episode is sponsored by Casper. Get $50 toward any mattress purchased by visiting www.casper.com/crapids and using the promo code CRAPINS. - Also, texture. Texture is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. Try a texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapids. - If you like Watch what Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey. - Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of sriracha that's living in your fridge or why nearly every house in America has at least one game of monopol. - Introducing the best idea yet. A brand new podcast about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with. Listen to the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
