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Textures, the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines, anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. Try texture for free right now when you go to texture.com/crapins. What Crapins would like to thank its premium subscribers, Jessica Halford Porter, Christie Doherty and Claudia Catalina. We love you girls. Now on with the show. Welcome to the Watch what Crapin's podcast. The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about. Oh, I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. And joining me is the ever-lovely ever-romanticized beautifully quaffed and good-hearted bin Mantleker of the B-side Blog and the B-side Blogger and the banter blender podcast Hello Bean. Oh, hi Ronnie. Thank you so much for saying I'm beautifully quaffed. But the truth is, my quaff is not that beautiful today. It's a little unkempt as it is want to be on a Tuesday. As it is want to be. And they pretty much sums it up right there, Bean. Yes, I still have severe bed head from my Casper mattress. Thank you everybody for listening to Watch what Crapins. Our subscriber, hang out is this way. Call her. It's Thursday, October. Was that the 22nd right then? 6pm Pacific. Just come to patreon.com/watchwhatcrapins to become a subscriber. Thank you to all our subscribers. We just finished our bonus episode. Today we talk about Norm Corr and McDonald's again. Yeah. And Joe Biden entering the race. Yeah. And we talked about Thamke Johnson and Mac Raining Sun. There was something else we talked about that was cool. I don't still remember what it was. Mom Jean Short shorts. Mom Jean Short shorts. And you know what I forgot to mention on the bonus episodes. Well, just mention it here. You said how much you love my celebrity stories. I forgot to mention that when I woke up this morning, none other than Croix Beerman himself had favorited a tweet that I wrote. And I went on his Twitter feed as like his first activity that he's had. Twitter activities had in like two weeks. Please. I was like, please, please write in autobiography. Please. I just don't want that. This morning I woke up. It was sunny as the day is want to be. And then Ding. A favorite. So anyway, come to patreon.com/watch at crappins to be subscribed. And thank you to everybody who does that. And obviously our premiums who we've already mentioned. And come to our Facebook.com/watch what crappins, because that is where you can talk throughout the week to us and to each other about the shows as they air. We laugh our asses off. People post their own news stories there. And they keep us up to date on the old Bravo. Our Twitter blah, blah, blah. Watch at crappins.com. Come find all the links. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher. Or wherever you just found us. And I think that's it. Right, Ben? Can we move into the show? I think so. I think so. All right. So today's show features part one of 20 of the real housewives of the Orange County. And also after we're going to talk a little bit about this tree special. Seeing as how it's pretty much just a fat idiot talking on a cell phone for five minutes at a time. Yeah. And then figuring out what the lawyer's feeling in the other 20 minutes or whatever. We don't have much to say about that. So let's just dive right into the saving. I think I would at this point, rather watch a special about checking in on trees than tree checking in. I would rather watch trees grow. Because there could still be there could still be clips of Melissa Gorga and how like the trees are affecting her. Yeah, like when the tree grows, it gives a change to a lot of people. I mean, I don't get the shade, but that's okay. I don't need the shade as that's it. Sometimes trees grow and they grow away from me. And that's okay. Because the tree has to do what it's going to do. I'm not going to take it personally. I tried to visit the tree and there's still a rope or rabbit. So sometimes, you know, like in the winter, I'm like, hey, tree, you know, let me know if you have any sap because I would love to take the sap from you. I would though I'll have a bucket and you know, and like I would love that. And the tree's always like, yeah, no, that's, yeah, sure, sure. And then the tree never tells me when it has its sap. And that's okay. That's okay. But it just doesn't tell me. You know, it's amazing nature. The way that nature changes a tree literally came through my kitchen window and through where it sprinkled cookies. You know, there's this old proverb, like, you know, if a tree falls in a forest and no one's there to hear it, which does it still make a noise? And all I'm saying is, you know, if you let me know you're going to fall, I'll be there. I'll listen. I'll listen for the noise. But you know, if you don't tell me, but that's fine. You know, trees going through something much more. And who's to say, you know, who's to say that the tree even fell? Maybe it was pushed. No one was there, right? Isn't that the point of the story? No one was there to see it. So who knows if it was pushed? Like it's just on the ground. Am I right? Like you got to stand up for the tree. Trees have rights, you know, the thing is, I haven't seen this tree in six months. And so when I thought about the tree, it really made me almost cry. And I think about what the poor saplings are going through with that tree. Maybe about to fall and, you know, I feel bad for it. I mean, yeah, the tree did grow on its own and put itself in this position. But, you know, I feel bad for the saplings. You know how the apples don't fall from far from the tree? Well, I try and move them further away from the tree. So they don't actually become like the tree they fell off of. Like I'm trying to replant them, basically. You know, I'm just waiting for approval from the tree to replant her apples. So they'll possibly, you know, grow up to be good apples and not bad apples. You know, just trying to be supportive. I have all baskets that gather the apples, you know, like I want to help work. I mean, I'm basically the godmother to these apples. But, you know, if the tree doesn't tell me that the apples are on the ground, I mean, I can't gather them, you know, so try my best. Like, I've actually gone and started paperwork to adopt the apples. But for some reason, the tree's just not responding. It's really weird. Well, I guess, you know, the tree, the tree's been emailing other trees. And I keep telling, I keep going and telling my other trees. Like, can you add me to that tree's distribution list? But I guess it's full. Even though I never heard about that, that could happen on email thing. But I guess it's full. But, you know, apparently a tree can have too many leaves. You know, I guess, you know, that's fine. So we'll get to that excitement very soon. But first, the real housewives of the Orange County. Hi, Vicki. Hi, Tamara. Hi, Megan. Hi, Heather. I'm like, oh, wow, Andy. Yeah. And, of course, the first question. First question's like, so, Vicki, you had a nip slip. Tell us about your nipple. Why was your nipple out? It's like, oh my God. I like when it starts with the backstage stuff. Because they do that with all the reunions now. Where they're like, now, okay, it's not enough to watch them for 20 hours. Now, watch them put on their makeup. Megan's like, ah, I'm brunette, you know. So I'm going to be myself, except like a brunette version. Totally like myself, but, you know, like different. Yeah. Are you a brunette? Oh, I don't know. Who knows? I haven't seen my hair. Of course, Tamara. You want to check it, Batch? Just look at her muff, right? Am I right, guys? Consider the source of her badge hair. Consider her pubic source. Consider her root source. Consider the source of the root. Consider the source of the root. So, Tamara, so much tricks to come tonight. Batch, Shannon. Do I, you know, it's going to be good when Shannon's already so crazy that she's asking herself questions. That's my favorite, Shannon. I think she's getting her makeup. She's like, do I like confrontation? No, I don't like confrontation, but bring it. Do I want you to bring it? I do bring it. Well, she does that weird, like vocal affectation when she tries to be tough, you know? She does a thing like, well, no, David. David said I should be tough. So if you want to be tough with me, when I say, bring it, bring it, just bring it. So we open with Justice Brunette. I think there's like more Justice people with Brunette hair, so. Vicki. I have nothing to say to that. No, I'm sorry, I'll freak out my notes. Vicki. But Vicki, it's your 10th reunion. Wow, 10 years of Vicki. She just loves getting beat up on. I can't tell you how many times I've watched this show, and I think after the reunion, my God, Vicki is going to quit this year. This is it. She is going to quit. And nope, she's ready to go for round 10. That's no shame. Oh, by the way, I assume I'll quit because she has no shame, but I. To her show, you know, it's my show. I'm James Burrows. I'm the James Burrows of, you know, housewives. I'm Dr. Fraser Crane. And on for 10 seasons and 10 more to go. You're just the Carla. Okay. I'm the Shelley Lang. And without me, what do you have? Actually, a pretty good show. Okay, let's not talk about this anymore. I quit this show. Um, what was I going to say about that goddamn thing? Damn right, Tamara. Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki. Um, 10th reunion, whatever. Who cares? I'll come back to it later. Speaking of things inside of you. Hi, Shannon. Oh, yeah, that's right. I just, uh, there was something inside me, not five seconds ago. I just took it out, just cleaned up the drip. If you, well, thanks, Dr. Mone. Little, little, little, napping call, you know, you know what that means? Nabilizer, cololoscopy, all at once. Little, just, you know, tighten up the pipes. Afterwards, we do what we call a plugged the dam. Very medical procedure. That's when Dr. Mone comes over and says, "Finger up my ass." David, talk about it. Well, of all the seasons of the Real Housewives, this season has been overall the most controversial. We have received more votes for this American Idol finale than I know. More questions than that. Most dramatic, rose ceremony of all time. This was an interesting season of OC, because it really seemed like for the first half, it was going to be Megan versus Shannon. They were just at each other's necks. And then really the vacation seemed to come at the midway point, normally the vacation is at like three quarters of the way through. And then after the vacation, it was just, you know, a whole other show, or just the cancer, the cancer. Well, they started, uh, they filmed more of this season, I believe. I believe, I believe they filmed the season, and then reached, you know, kept shooting months later, like after it was supposed to be over, right? Yeah. Because there was an episode, I think three episodes ago, where they all had different hair. It was like the next season, where everyone has different hair, and they've been nipped and tucked a little bit. Their faces have been freshly sanded down, you know? Like, like, not new, but like new used doorknoms. Right, right, right. Uh, most controversial season ever. Yeah, because at first we thought, yeah, well, we've seen cancer, but have we ever seen cancer questions? Yeah. Well, it was the first season where we saw both cancer and fake cancer side by side. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's very true. The real effects and the real benefits of cancer and non. I mean, if you really think about it, honestly, if you, you know, sometimes we are so knee deep in this thing, we don't look at the big picture. If you look at Leanne, you know, this is Leanne towards the end of her life, you can see she was bloated, um, you know, you could see that she was, even though she had a very good attitude, she was not a healthy woman, you know? And then you look at Brooks here talking like, oh, yeah, I got the cancer. I got the cancer. It's like bullshit. Like it's, it really is very insulting. Yeah, um, so next week is all about Brooke. So apparently the next, well, it's probably not until week three, actually, of this, of this long ass Les Mis of a reunion. So we'll hold off a bit on the brick stuff because I want to do research before the Brooks interview. And I want to watch the 2020 thing from 2012 that Cindy C on the case posted. Cindy C on the case case posted. Yeah, case, yes. And that was all about the dead, deadbeat dad news. And so it'll be interesting to take his lives from that and juxtapose them with the lives from this. Cause it's not like he has some political consultant telling him what to do. You know, no, he's just a full on liar. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe I have cancer. All right. Let's get an endorsement deal with that lady with a cancer place. You know, she has juice. Oh, and by the way, Venka is that her name? Venka. Venka. Hela. Lenka. Almost shed, almost shed border on cancer. Yeah, it was posted on our Facebook. So funny. If you read the biography on detox.vicky. You know, cure your cancer through juice.com. She's like, what's her name? Hela. Not Hela. Lenka. Lenka. Lenka has suffered through 25 diseases, including almost cancer. She couldn't maybe try to maybe have it one time in a bone. She literally said borderline cancer in her bio. I mean, I just like, there's no such thing. It's like, oh, I was borderline pregnant. Yeah. I had an embryo, almost. Like, uh, I had an egg. I had an egg. It was today. So. And there was some sperm near it. Yeah. There was a little bump connecting the, um, connecting the yellow part to the clear part when I got it in the pan. So totally legit. I bought a home pregnancy test. And, uh, so I was like borderline pregnant at that point. I saw someone have sex on the internet today. I totally just swallowed a load. It's like, shut up. That's not how any of this works, you idiots. Okay. Yeah. So you brought up earlier, Vicki's pick up the nipple. Yeah. Uh, and Andy is like, so Vicki, you know, Instagram got a nice shot of your boob. And I have to say, nice boobs. She's like, oh, thanks. You know, thank Dr. You know, thank Dr. Linka. They're just filled with apple juice, pretty much. And soil from the earth to give me nutrients. Cancer hates soil. The other day I had to, the other day, I sprouted a dandelion. Oh, my nipple. Are we talking about organic? You know what? Some farmers are working. My boobs are working. Um, most, uh, blah, blah, blah. Vicki's picking the nipple. Just shower it. Oh, he's like, why would you take that picture? She's like, oh, you know, I was just in the bathtub. Wait, you were in the bath? No, you know, I was just in the shower. You were in the shower? No, I was just getting out of the shower. Oh, were you in the shower? The bath. Shut up, Megan. I know. I need to know. I need to paint an accurate picture. I just called. They don't even do baths and showers and Newport imaging. Your bath hasn't worked for 20 years. I checked out the blueprints online. Justice blueprints. It turns out Vicki's been telling everyone, she's been taking baths for the past 10 years. She only has a shower stall. Well, you know, I was taking the shower. And I thought, oh, I didn't think Andy for the Beats headphones. And they were sitting right there on the counter. So I just sent an insta, you know, and then Gina's dad, or what's your face, called me and said, oh, you better get it off. I see your boob. And I thought, well, you know, hashtag club detox. Hashtag. Hashtag beats nipple. Are you just delivery to MJ's house? Yeah, here comes the delivery. Sliders, 4,000 sliders are here. Side of ranch to MJ's apartment, darling. Yeah, it's outing. So nipple. So Megan, we're sorry about Leanne being dead. I was like, geez, Andy, he sounds so bored. He's just like glancing through his car. It's like, Leanne died. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah, and Haley graduated from non-school. Yeah. It's like kind of a slow start, I guess. She finished her home at class to manage the past. She figured out how to use a spatula. Um, new girl. Yeah, so what's it like being the new? I just thought, you know, everyone's the new girl at one time or another. But now I just think of that sitcom with Zooey Deschanel. Zooey Deschanel. And I'm trying to mix it with Megan, and it just doesn't work. Yeah, she's sort of like the anti-Zoey Deschanel. Whereas Zooey Deschanel is like hipster and not whimsical, but sort of twee, Megan is like anti-hipster and anti-twee. She's like, I'm 30, and I hate hipsters, and I have a house, and I've married for money, and I like photosque furniture. Yeah. The openings would just be totally different. Like in one Zooey, three reading a book, you know, and the other, Megan's trying to read a recipe. Soyaki. Soyaki. I almost bought some Soyaki in honor of your Soyaki references. But then I didn't. I didn't. It's disgusting. Have some of my fridge. That's why I keep referencing it, because it never leaves a fridge, because I never eat it. I just see it in their looming Soyaki mocking me with it. So it's weird. I don't. In general, as a general note for this reunion, I didn't really have that much to say about it, because I found like I was watching and I was interested in, but there were, I mean, I wrote notes, but there just wasn't a lot that I was like that, that I was like, oh, that's something I have to comment on. I'm just more like, and he was just asking really generic dumb questions. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, at least Megan was. Well, there was a lot here. He started with the stepmom thing. Now, Vicki, you know that Vicki is coming into a reunion, being completely defeated already, because she just sounds it. Like the last part of the season, where she's just like completely defeated. Oh, yeah. Well, oh gosh, here we go. Okay. Well, no, it's not the same. Being a stepmom is not the same as having a kid. But what about adoption? Well, I don't know, my sisters were adapted, you know. Whose wall is mom in right now? You know, not the adapted ones, that's for sure. Moms don't live in adapted ones. Well, I like them, Vicki was like, well, you know, like, mom loved us all the same. I mean, in terms of liking us though, I mean, I'm sure she liked us in different ways. I was like, that's really nice, Vicki. That was really nice of you. No, she loved, she loved them, you know, because it'd be rude to say she didn't love them, but she didn't really like them. No, no, but I mean, I understand what Vicki is. But Vicki's just so defeated already. She's like, it is different. That's just my opinion. You don't know. So you don't know that. So you can't speak that. Okay, biology, like, I mean, whatever, like, what about adopted kids? Like, you know, like even Vicki tries to bring Tamarind. Well, you know, Tamar was saying a tool, you know, you have your own kid and then Tamarind jumps in. Yeah, but Simon was really nice to Brian until he had his own kids. Then he was like, oh, fuck you. Brian, like, he cares. Batch, like, he's Brian. Who's Batch? He's not stupid. Batch without beer. There's me like 12. My favorite baby that I've adopted is baby Jesus. And I love him. I think that, I mean, I think it's this, I understand what Vicki's original point was. And I just don't understand why Megan is incapable of understanding it, or Vicki's incapable of articulating it, which is just that it doesn't, it's not to detract anything from whatever love that Megan feels for Haley. And it's totally legit. But I think when you have your own child, it's not that that child is better or worse, whatever. But there's probably a bond there that is, probably as a mother that is really so unique that- Look, argument wasn't really even about adoption anyway, which was why it was so silly. It wasn't about, you know, love adopted kids the same, or you- Yeah, it was about the fact that Megan- I think he just came and listened to you. Well, because Megan at that time was, she was going on and on about like, it's so hard for me because I just want her to love me and it's like, you know, well, you're not really her mom, so you shouldn't be expecting that. I think that's what Vicki was saying, right? Well, it's different when the new wife comes in when you're 16 or 17 already, you know, so that is different than if she had been the stepmom of a little kid who grew up with the mom. You know, it's not the same as being a full-fledged mom when you've only been the mom for four months. Like, you earned that- And why does she want Haley's love? I mean, for crying out loud, this girl can't even commit to beauty school. Haley's love is expensive, man. Like, to make that girl be not any teenager. You know, they love you if you give them a 10 or a 100 of them in this case. Yeah, I understand. I have a dog that's how they are too. They're like, don't you love me right now? Yeah, you want something from me. What do you want? Just tell me, you want a peek, you want a treat. I just feel like there are- I think there are not a lot of returns on investing in Haley's love, you know? I think it's just- I mean, she's just a- She's a disaster. Oh, she's just a teenager, you know? I know, I know. I'm not too much about a teenager. Like, these women are still all teenagers. This is Vicki. I love that she just can't say, I didn't need to say that. She has to stick- It's my opinion. That's what it is. So, you know, I'm free to my opinion. And that's it. I'm free to my opinion. And then Tamara, of course, gets one in on signing while she's there. After her forgiveness speech. Yeah. Well, you mean talking about how she said that about Simon? About like, well, Simon used to love Ryan. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, girl code. So, by the way, by the way, they make a lot of drama and they're not having it on a lot of the things. Wait, were you going to, by the way? Sorry. Oh, no, I was just going to say that when it comes to Tamara and her jabs and evil, whatever, all her evil moments, whenever it comes to Simon, it's totally deserved. Always. Every single time. Yeah, he's gross. He is awful. He's an awful, awful human being. And that was just based purely on what we already saw of him and not really, you know, none of this other stuff that she mentions this episode. So, Andy's trying to make a lot of drama and they're not really having it on so far. Because he brings up Heather, you know, Marion from Masahuchi, whatever. Masah, did you write girl code? Because you're still friends with the other ex-wife and Megan's friends? I don't know. And Heather's got her claw hands out, ready to go. Be like, no, I think it would be different if the relationship broke up because of Megan, but no, it didn't. So, I could be friends with her. So, that's it. No, girl code is broken. And Megan says, "I'll never even pay it to I'll never even mention her." And Shannon's like, "Yes, you did. Remember that time you said that mean thing about her?" You said, it was very mean. She had no chance to defend herself, says Shannon. The door was like, "David went and had a fair with five women, David. David has a manslaughter. David doesn't care about me, David. I know projecting the projections of Shannon." It's just funny because it's like, you know, Shannon, it's not like Shannon always has the nicest things to say about people, you know. And there are rules, there are rules. Like, you can say about certain people, but not, you don't say that to someone older than you. I start charities. So, Megan, you never say, oh, and then Heather pulled out her mom. You never say anything about the ex, ever. I'm taking care of that, I miss you. I'm at the mother of the children, ever. By the way, are you going on Amy Phillips's show this week? Should we plug that? No, no, it's a different week. I'm going in November now. I've been pushed. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's a lot, man. Thanks a lot for just putting salt in my pushed wound. Yeah, your wound has been so push. I'm calling Linka. I had borderline pushed. I've been borderline bumped. So then we, then Andy tries to make more drama with, well, so-and-so and bloody blah wants to know, Megan, why did you call a Vicki a hypocrite when she bought a car? She's like, oh yeah, because remember the time you said, like, not to spoil kids, but then you're like buying a car. My dad is educated. Yeah, that was great. She's like, well, the difference is that my daughter is not intimidated by a hairspray 101 class, okay? My dad went to school. What does your kid go to a TCBY with a book or a pamphlet or something? Get out of here. This country's best, yo-yo, is that what that should stand for? To be your daughter on the picture of their company circular. This country's best, yo-yo, Haley Edmonds. The country's be your own mom. You're not her mother. So then it turned into my dad is educated, which I don't know, I guess she's saying, because they at least worked for something, and this is their prize. Haley doesn't get it. You know, what's your job? What's your job? You weren't trying to understand the circumstance. It's just like black and white. No, it's got a job and no job. What's your job? What's your job? Her job is looking at the penny saver for future jobs. And she doesn't even do that. Oh, you know who else agrees with me? Tamara, right? Tamara said it too. You know how you got to make your kids earn it? Really, Tamara, who just fucking gave Ryan thousands of dollars to move, and then whatever happened happened. Come on, Mal. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I totally, he earns that. Yeah, he earns that. Like, you know how hard it is to get that many tattoos that hurts. Okay, he earned this house. He's a responsible one. Yeah. This, you're raising up Ryan off at, based, you're raising up Haley off of Ryan batch. Well, I mean, it is funny because, I mean, I understand through Megan's eyes why she thinks it's hypocritical, hypocritical. If Vicki is saying, don't spoil your child, and then she buys her daughter in SUV. But the truth is, I mean, you, it's the difference between spoiling a child and sort of like, spoil rewarding, you know, because Vicki is still spoiling Brianna, but she's rewarding her too, because Brianna ultimately is a good egg, and she is raising a child, and she's stuck in the middle of nowhere with an abusive husband, you know. So yeah, she deserves an SUV. Haley, on the other hand, moops around and complains about her winter formal dress, and is, you know, doing basically not real. Well, it's possible in Harrison's because Haley's a teenager. So it's like, what do you buy a teenager versus what do you buy an adult? Yeah, and actually, Vicky distilled it pretty well at the end of me. She said, listen, you know, you have to hold 17 year old kids accountable. It's one thing for Brianna. You know, I mean, a lot of parents buy their kids cars. That's nothing new, but, you know, I don't think a parent needs, I don't think a kid needs like a maserati, Kyle Richards, she got her kid, you know, that's spoiling. That's spoiling. Well, Vicki, you know, the problem is that you just have these sweeping judgments. You judge and you sweep, like in the pearl shop, when you started sweeping and judging about, you know, wives spending their husbands' money. Vicki's like, well, at least I was sweeping, because that's what people with jobs do. I was in leaning, I was cleaning while I was judging. Okay, at work. I wasn't making sweeping generalizations, and if you had a job, you'd realize that, but you don't have a job. So I guess you don't know these things. That's what people don't have jobs, don't know. People with that job don't know about sweeping generalizations. Yeah, and that's because Vicky is obsessed with money. Like it's all she cares about, bach. Anyway, after this reading, and you're all invited to the third west wing of my new mansion. It's a third wing on the left, Vicki. I'm not obsessed with my-- Okay, it's just that I think about money all the time. You know, while I'm obsessing over money, it doesn't mean I'm obsessed with money. And then Heather, well, you know, like, it's you're lucky because you get to go to work. You know, moms have to sit there in shit, in piles of shit. Okay, so be thankful you get to leave the house and go have a job. You know, like I deserve a purse. I just swam a river of baby shit, getting a purse. I spent half an hour looking at different slabs of marble for the bathroom closet. All right, I deserve a purse. Which I'm, you know, I was down for. I was like, go for it. Yeah, listen, I say go for it too. Of course it all comes back to Dan. Look, I know the value of the dollar after Dan. You tell you what, that's like the worst. Talk about socialism taken over where everybody else just takes your money for doing nothing. I'm going to vote for Trump and hope that he gets rid of Dan. Who even cares about the Mexicans? Okay, just get rid of Dan. Dan, you got a big wall around Dan. And don't make me pay for it. What about Shannon not wanting Haley to get birth control? Well, yeah, but she's looking at half sex. I'm just saying, why advertise it? You know, David's going to-- Do you think you are, Miss 30-year-old? David's going to have sex too, but I'm not just out there getting, you know, dental dams for his mistress. Come on. What do you think about birth control for children's? What do I think about it? She's 17, isn't she, Haley? So, I think sure. Why not? What's wrong with her? Yeah, me too. Like, it's ridiculous that people would, I mean, I guess it was that whole thing. Like, if you give them birth control, that means you're approving of them having sex. Well, guess what? They're having sex anyway. So, just, what would you rather send a message that it's okay to have sex as long as you're protected, or let's pretend like you're not having sex. And, you know, I'll pay for that baby. How about that? Yeah, and then I'll need permission to get herpes, okay? Yeah, enjoy your baby and the STDs that came in the non-baby times. They get amused to condoms when they're young, so they don't feel weird later. People are like condoms feel weird. What the fucking condom, what, it feels weird. So does having a penis inside of me. So, well, you know, let's meet in the middle. Yeah, you know what feels weird? You know what feels weird? Having a disease. Yes, itching in your nethers. Your penis falling off feels weird as well. Yeah, you know what feels weird? Going blind from syphilis. Put on a condom, you dumb shit. I felt bad. Syphilis explosion, David. Yes, the syphilis explosion happening all over, happening all over West Hollywood, the billboard syphilis. I don't know, by the way, why I just did Shannem Bador on Lisa Vanderpump Boys. David. I was hanging out with some gays recently, and they were talking about these billboards that are all over Hollywood that say Grindr. Tinder. Syphilis. Syphilis aids. Tinder wants those to be taken down. Yeah, people are pissed, and the guys who were driving past it and the guys were like, what does that even mean? I mean, like what, Grindr is going to give you syphilis. I mean, that doesn't even make sense. I'm like, they're saying if you're a slut online, you've probably got like real life diseases. What, that's dumb. Like, oh my god. Yeah, meanwhile, I think Tinder got annoyed, but I don't think Grindr had a response. I could be wrong. But that's because I think HIV transmission rates amongst Grindr users is like a certain significant percentage higher than non-Grinder users. So, yeah. Well, look at that. Grindr. Thank you. Okay. Barrapapap syphilis. Wow, syphilis. Syphilis explosion. Mad. I have borderline syphilis. (laughs) Sometimes you can't see things from far away or what? Yeah. Sometimes, like, if I stay up too quickly, get ahead, rush, and I can't really see something for like a second. I'm like, ah, borderline syphilis. I got lysed. One time syphilis. I felt like my penis was leaking, but it wasn't. My penis got borderline syphilis. One time, I thought my penis was leaking leaking. And then I realized I was just peeing. Oh my god, borderline syphilis lysed. (laughs) I was going to do something funny, did you? But I changed my mind. You got borderline lysed. (laughs) Anyway, oh, I wanted to say, I actually felt bad at this part, because Andy was like, "So, Megan, everyone online called Hailey a bitch when her mom was dying. How did that feel?" I was like, God, Andy is sandy. So, like, yeah, that sucks, because, like, she saw that episode, and she saw herself being a bitch, and she was, like, mortified, and, like, you know, she, like, apologized to her mom. I thought, oh, that's so sad. It is sad. And she said, I tried to tell her, like, Hailey, this is a gift, because, like, when you see yourself on TV, and you realize that you're a bitch, like, you have a chance to change it. Like, some people never see themselves on TV until, like, their kids make a video of them or something, and they look like abusive assholes in front of everybody. Like, at least you know. She's like, you know, Hailey, like, this is a gift. You see yourself on TV, and you can change your behavior. There are some people who have been on TV for 10 years, and still do not realize how to change their behavior. Knowledge. Sometimes it's five specific women who fight about the same things over and over and over again, and they watch themselves on TV, and they still don't take any lessons from it. Hey, you know what I always try to stay, Megan? I mean, you know I always try to say, Hailey, lessons are for learning. I got you this headband. Hashtag learning headband! You know, I really resent that. Vicki says that Hailey needs to be accountable at 17. She takes really good care of her blow dryer. She's, like, really responsible. Yeah, this is pretty good. Hashtag. Hashtag. Knowledge. Hashtag at least. Hashtag at least. Hashtag at least she does no one apology to the blow dryer justice. Ooh. She's going somewhere with the blow dryer. She's going to take over. Next up in the circle of, in this circus of fun and excitement. So Vicki, your mom died, and you were on TV. How did it feel? What was that like? Oh my god. So what was it like when your mom died, huh? Oh, god. It's like, yeah, it was terrible. I blacked out. It was just sad, you know. I mean, we do give her a lot of shit about the ridiculous thing she said afterwards, but obviously during that moment, that was just a really terrible moment for her. Yeah, and then when she said, it was sad because she says, you know, I just feel lost. Janin's like, yeah, because that's because I won Bunko, Bunko. Janin's like, wow, it's a really surreal experience because the executive producer of the show came up to me during the middle of Bunko and said, do you have a landline? And I thought to myself a landline is one of David's mistresses trying to call him on a landline. David, David, David, no more landlines for you, no more Gmail, no more landlines, no more communication, David, David. Vicki could have known this much sooner, but I cut off all communication to the house. I've had I've had invisible laser walls put up that intercepts every phone call and email that comes in this house. We're all connected AT&D. No, we're not all. We're not all connected. We are not all connected at all. I have disconnected David's mistresses. We're all connected. Just me and David. David's penis is what we call off the grid. There you go. So they talked about this. They showed some clips of the mom. Nobody cares about me. Oh, look, that wind chime. Whenever I hear the wind chime, it means bad stacking to me. Like really, whenever the wind glows. Oh, my mom must be really mad. There's a hurricane in the Atlantic right now. She's trying to say something and no one's listening. She's like, quiet down, ma'am. That wind chime just stepped a hummingbird. Oh, ma'am. They're crazy. I'm in a road page. Wind chime rage. That wind chime just keyed a motorcycle. And he's like, oh, let's tell some fun mom stories. And I'm just like, remember that time your mama said, yo, batch, like committed a hit crime. And he's like, oh, no, no, I wasn't like that. My mama's just driving, yo, no, and your motorcycle passing happened to just slipper that bird. It's like, oh, no, remember? Because she tried to stop and crash the motorcycle. And then he said, fuck you. And then she keyed it. She's like, no, she just tapped the motorcycle. She just tapped it. She was just going to TJ Maxx. That's all. It's really pretty calm and benign, you know? Her mom totally, Kim Richards did. She locked herself in the bathroom, stood on the toilet. And then she said that she had a gun to the police officers. I mean, hilarious. Yeah, she went into the bathroom, hid. And then when the cops said, ma'am, you win there? She said, I've got a gun. What an idiot. So they took her. They took her to jail. And they're all laughing. They're like, oh, she tried to kill a motorcyclist who went to jail for telling-- I mean, everyone knows the best way. I mean, if someone's tailgating you, you don't just slam on the brakes. The whole idea is you just slow down gradually. And then they either like, ooh, someone's on my tour. I'm sorry. I got really excited about that. The coffee, the coffee. But yeah, you don't slam on your brakes because that's how you'll actually get rear-ended. The whole point, if you're-- when people tailgate you, it's annoying. Because you're like, you're going to rear-end me. So if you slam on your brakes, you're going to make them rear-end you. Don't do that, lady. Well, they're doing it so they can get the insurance stuff. Because if you rear-end somebody, it's automatically your fault. I know. But what I'm saying is most people, when they do that to tailgators, they're not thinking, oh, this is the way from neglect insurance. They're thinking like, please stop. I'm sending you a message that you're annoying me. I'm going to slow down until you like stop. But it never works. But I learned from Driver's Ed, which is probably another course that Haley didn't finish, is that slowing down to make a tailgater stop actually never works because it just-- they keep tailgating. And you know what? It's true. And it's kind of fun. And it raises them. But it is kind of fun. But motorcycles in California have open lanes, basically. What do you call that lane sharing? So we can go in between all the other cars. Oh, she's not in. She's not there. Oh, because I was thinking she's probably not even tailgating her. People get motorcycle rage when they see bikes because they just are resentful. You know, they're like, what do you get to go through traffic? And they try and cut you off all the time instead. So I'm wondering if her mom was like, oh, yeah. I'm going to set up! No, I don't think-- I don't get mad. I don't get jealous that they get to cut through traffic. What I get mad about is that they kind of like sneak up on you. Like all of a sudden, oh, there's a motorcycle right in between you and another car. And it's like this thing where you feel like you're going to crash into them or something. Because you're about to-- you put it on your signal to make a turn. And like a motorcycle is like, no, I'm going to go first. And you're like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's-- I understand. I see the rage in your faces. You know what I don't like? And I love it. You know what I really hate, actually? Ronnie, please never do this with your little scooter. I hate when you go into a parking garage, OK? And there is a-- there's like an arm that's down. And you take your ticket and the arm goes up, OK? You go through and you go-- you park in your spot. You go-- you do your business. You get your validation, whatever. You pay your $5, $2, and you pay into the machine, and the arm goes up, and you leave, OK? So motorcyclists, a lot of them-- because they're small, they just go around the arm. And they don't pay anything. They park for free, which is-- Yeah, you park for free. All the power to free. But what I don't like is when they actually then park their motorcycle in an actual spot. You know, park it in one of those weird side areas or like fit it into something. But don't take up a full spot if you're not paying for it. I'm sorry, I'm paying. I want a spot. Well, so if they have-- if they have spaces like that, then yeah, I agree. But a lot of places don't. They don't have anywhere. Like that LA fitness or whatever? Oh, actually, they do have a comfortable-- At LA fitness, they do. Yeah, they do. Yeah, I've used those. There are a good amount of-- Anyway, like-- Little places that you can fit a scooter, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But some places don't. But yeah, I agree. Anyhow, I mean, some places don't. But I do feel like there are a lot of motorcycles that take up a full spot. And then they don't pay. And it really bothers me. That really bothers me. Well, then if you were Vicki's mom, then hopefully you'll have someone to keep in and then go hide in the bathroom. I'll just not get over. Yeah, who knows if that's even what was happening. But that was funny. She's like, yeah, then she got-- Oh, yeah, mama's in jail. They're like, oh, ho, ho. And then he's like, yeah, I see the apple didn't fart from the tree, you know? Like, your mom's probably not even dead. She's probably just lying about it. [LAUGHS] No? Do you? And then Vicki, it's even worse now. You know, just not having a mom. Nobody understands what it's like not having a mom. Like, oh, please stop. And then they cut to Meghan, giving a dirty look, trying, like literally biting on her tongue. You know, and possibly she was hungry. But she was like, uh, don't speak. Don't speak. Someone else is deaf. Don't do it. Don't do it. No, it's like, shut up, Vicki. Do you regret cameras during that? I will never forget that day. I was at Bunkle at Shannon's. Yes, Vicki, we know, don't narrate this whole thing again. I didn't even notice the cameras. I blacked out. I completely blacked out. I don't remember, you know, because it was so devastating. Ma'am. And he's like, yeah, but then you saw it on TV. Are you mortified now? No, I'm re-blocked out. I blacked out again. Every time it comes there, I black out. Uh, the only thing that wakes me up are the wind chimes. Ma'am saying, good morning, good morning. Uh, I didn't even notice the cameras. Vicki's so full of shit. OK, so Bravo. She added in there that Bravo was actually really nice and asked her many times, are you OK if we shoot this? Should we shoot this? We don't have to shoot this. Should we shoot this? So I don't know if this is before or after she blacked out. It doesn't remember. I believe she blacked out, to be honest. I actually believe that is like, that's life changing news. Like, you know, there's certain things that there's just nothing compares to it. And I believe that when she got that phone call, the last thing she was thinking about was the fact that there were cameras. I think-- because she was super close to their mom. And I believe-- I mean, I actually don't-- I don't think that she was-- I never know of this, Vicki, because she lies about everything. She doesn't just ever say the truth. She's always trying to, like, bend it and lie. And I'm not saying, of course, God forbid. I'm not saying that it wouldn't be devastating getting the news that your mom died. I'm just saying-- Well, I'd like that. I don't remember anything. But, you know, you guys asked if we could shoot. I don't know. The way she talks, it just always sounds-- everything she's saying sounds like a lie. So the point where, even when we're talking about her mom dying, I'm like, she lied. Her mom's there. She's still there. She's literally living in a wall. Like, I don't know what's going on in my mind. I don't know. I know. Vicki, no autopsy. Why are we still talking about this, Andy? Either a heart attack or a brief spasm. She was either about to lie down or sit up. So don't do either thing, ever. Her monkey, the motorcycle, Billy Calt, family van memory. Billy Calt. Why would you send a van? That was great. That was a great little memory that they inserted in there. You can tell that they were sort of, like, a little low on stuff for the reunion. You can always tell when they need to fill time when they just insert all sorts of flashbacks. When we come back from commercial, we get Heather giving a thoughtful actor chin pose. She's like, yeah. She's got her elbow resting on her other wrist. And she's like, got her chin resting on her fingers. And she's got her eyes squinted. Like, she's thinking really about something. Yeah. So then we had a montage of the women ordering food, which was great because we saw how finicky they are. And everything was like, I'll have a chicken, taco, hold the tortilla, hold the chicken, put in a slice of beet, and a drizzle of olive oil. Thank you. I would like a Grago meat, Grago's meat, and a side plate with one lemon, and a smaller ramekin with limes, and then a glass of water in a separate glass. And I'm going to make some, don't touch anything! Just forget. I'd like you to bring me a reamer, but not a wooden reamer. I like that. I like there to be a plastic reamer. All right. And you can give that with the ramekin of the limes. And then I'm like, one wedge of orange on a separate plate. But bring that plate 10 seconds later. All right. 'Cause I want it to be timed perfectly. Thank you. That picture of just Shannon sitting at the table with no table cloth with her knee as awkwardly while she's looking around and like, they just were putting up her finger in the air. Like she's calling the waiter. Yeah. And I just want to do it over and over. Are you my David? Are you my David? David? David? David? Could someone please send over my David? David? Your lies, Shannon Bador, killed at a restaurant from Loneliness. Never served the David and her favorite restaurant, David. Where she was killed by an onslaught of fat and sugar. Yeah, but. She asked what was worth fattening the steak or the lettuce. And she was told the lettuce. Shannon Bador died of a bad decision brought on by a waiter named David. Your lies, Shannon Bador, who was killed by a waiter, who decided to squeeze only one lemon lime wedge into her gregus instead of bringing an entire plate of lime wedges as requested. Thank you. Desiccated body. Are you my David? Shannon's colonics. Oh yeah. She has yeast in her gut. She's like, she, well, all your immunity comes from the gut. You want to keep it clean. David? I've got a clean gut. Heather? Are you sure you're not killing the bacteria in your system because the body is an amazing machine. It knows how to clean itself. I mean, it doesn't know how to age well. If it's not aging well, see a doctor immediately, but the insides it should be pretty good at. Well, no, I have to clear out the use because it's been scientifically proven that each screen of use gives one negative thought and I've had 40 to 50 for the past five weeks. And I really want to bring it down to more of the 30 to 35 range. Well, one thing that I'm sure we can agree on is that beauty comes from the outside. My right, everybody. Okay. Dr. Harry Dubro, Reservator Oliver Vesterall. There you call it. Be there. Yeah. Borderline beauty. She says, she's like, I don't know if colonics are the best way and Andy says, says the leech woman, which was a good point. And then Heather's rebuttal is married to a doctor. I'm married to a doctor. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. We have a hospital in our house. We can actually take inpatients. If Brooks called today, we wouldn't even need to send a fake friend over to fake give him fake advice. It would never happen. He would actually be able to lie about coming to the inpatient clinic in our actual house. We are actually the new campus of city of hope. We're man, we were actually called Manchin of Hope. Hey, I look at menus like they're ingredients list. Oh, I hate people like that. I hate that, but that was a funny observation, but I do hate that too. God, I'd like to order the steak, but instead of red meat, could you use soy meat and instead of the glaze, could you use a balsamic glaze and instead of better, could you use margarine and instead of salt, could you put white salt like no, bitch? No, my month doing no carbs back in like May, June, I was that guy who was ordering burgers with that buns and oh, it was mortifying awful. Well, that's not bad. That's pretty normal. I still think it's one man who no matter what she's eating, you know, she would be like, no, take out the there's a yeah, I'm a waiter. So I hate almost like an egg McMuffin with just egg and cheese. No meat. Yeah. How hard is that? You pull off the fucking thing. And I have a casserole, but instead of mixing the tortillas in with the actual egg, could you serve those on the side and just mix the egg in with the cream and the cheese? Yeah. No, I hate it. It's awful. 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