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From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because I last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like it's a full production, it's going to be like a radio play, you know? That's major. Go to audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best, waiting for you. That's audible.com/crapins. Watch what, crapins. Watch what, crapins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crapins? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crapins? Who cares what, crapins? Watch what, crapins. Watch what, crapins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crapins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crapins? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what, crapins and podcasts about all that crap on Bravo that we just absolutely love to watch and talk about and make fun of and laugh about and sometimes making prompty songs about. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast and joining me is the always funny, always level, always ensconced in his couch desk. Ronnie Karam from trashtalktv.com. Hello, Ben. Hello everybody. Good day. How are you doing today, Ronnie? I'm doing so good. I'm in a great mood today. No, I'm glad to hear that. I am also in a very good mood. I have now completed my odyssey to redo the bedding on my bed as opposed to anywhere else where the bedding might be. And I also, I'm concerned because I just went down to Ralph's to get my Starbucks when I came back. There's a strange odor in my apartment and I don't know where it's from. So maybe there's a dead animal somewhere under the floorboards or maybe the woman downstairs is dead. Who knows? Yeah, she's been knocking on the ceiling lately. Maybe that bitch died. I know, let me see how loud I could put my music up and if she doesn't complain then I'll call the authorities. Prayers do come true. Rocky got steak on a boat and your neighbor died. Yeah, well, great eventualization and prayer. Mix it. So first things first. Everyone keep an eye out on your podcast feeds because Ronnie and I were guests on Patty Stanger's podcast yesterday. Patty Stanger of the millionaire matchmaker, formerly a brothel. Millionaire matchmaker. So Patty was super cool, super fun, super candid. She really tells some very candid, open, honest things about Andy Cohen, about Joe Zarin. That woman does not give a shit. She does not. You say it in a very nice way. You're like, well, she's very candid. No, that bitch trash talks and I love it. She doesn't even care. She's like, I don't care if I never walk again. Here's what I think about, you know, the snowman. I'm like, oh my God, winter's going to be terrible. This is no bad mouth in everybody. No, I loved it because she would. She would be like, let me tell you something about that snowman. OK, I used to be a business with that snowman. All right, we were going to produce a show together. And you know what that poosed that? He fucked me and I said, go fuck yourself. I don't like you stupid snowman. You're only seasonal anyway, but let me tell you something. Ooh, he's so handsome, I would have sucked him off if I could have. That's like how every story ended. I would have sucked him off if I could have. I helped you snowman. I got that snowman so far. And in the end, he screwed me over. I mean, best sex I've ever had in my life. But still, what a dick. Love her. Be careful though. I will warn you this though. I just started watching The Affair. And this patty is like, hey, does anyone here watch The Affair? I'm like, oh, I just started watching it. She's like, OK, well, in season two, she's having-- she's doing this. I'm like, it was like a spoiler avalanche. So be careful. You don't want spoilers. I mean, I know everything that's going to happen now, but still, I kind of wanted to see it. Although every time I asked about the plot, it was about this guy who has a really big dick in season two, episode one or something. Yeah. So I'm still not really sure. But I'm sure there's a big penis in my future. There is. So anyway, but patty was great. And also Tony Tripoli was on there who had, I think he's the head writer for Fashion Police. He used to write all Joan Rivers stuff. So really fun personalities, if you just want to hear more about Bravo, you just want to hear voices more. We did some impersonations of Ramona and Vicki. So you know when we get excited on this show, and we over talk each other and we're trying not to interrupt each other, you know, to laugh and stuff or with our own jokes, it was like that, but with six people. So you'll probably have a headache, but it will be a fun headache. Yeah, my only regret is that there wasn't a camera there because there was a relationship expert in the middle of all this. There's a relationship expert doing. What is it called EFT? Yes, that's the tapping. And we did some therapy where you tap yourself. And it was really a very interesting experience. So anyway, keep an eye out for that. That's on the sideshow network also. We're part of the sideshow network in case you didn't know from the ad at the top of the show. But more importantly, follow us on WatchYourCraphens.com. All our social media is there, Instagram, Vine. Ronnie just posted a new one like seconds ago, mere seconds ago. And then our Facebook page, I mean, we are closing in people. We are closing in on 5,000. I'm going to see how many people we have. Also, I want to say about the Vine stuff, a lot of people don't have a Vine app or care or want to even get a new app. You don't even have to get the app. Just follow us on Twitter because they work together. So anytime you hit it on Twitter, you don't have to open a separate app. You can just watch it right on Twitter. Just follow at what Craphens. Yeah, and we need more followers anyway. It's pathetic. We only have 2,000 followers. What are we essentially posting stuff? I know we're actually being really good about it. Wait, I want to give a shout out to our super sponsor. We all know who that is. All are the lady with the best husband ever. Jessica, it's probably still her birthday. Like, it's probably still her birthday party. They're probably in a limo, like going over a sunset beach. Beautiful picturesque scene. I know thinking about Bravo and imagining Vicki was there yelling in her ear, telling her to get a job, even if she has one, trying to get her to come into life insurance. And then when Jessica's like, "What a great birthday. I'm going to put my feet up on this seat." Then Ryan's going to show up and yell at her some more. Yeah, thank you. I'm still happy. Still birthday. If you also want to be a super sponsor, or if you just want to support us at the most basic level and get access to our bonus episode, which we do once a week, or some of the other goodies, go to patreon.com/watchmorecraphens. You can donate there, support us. It really helps us, it goes a long way. Every dollar counts. So if you do that, that's how you can help out. And if you want to be a sugar mama or a sugar daddy, you can also see how you can be a premium sponsor there. So that's it, that's it. That's all we have to plug. Patty, social media, Patreon. Done. Okay. Done. Did that on the show. Is there any gossip we have to talk about? You'll want to go to Haircut. The internet went on fire. Oh wait, by the way, just want to say Christine Veron. It says that Katie, our old friend Katie, 'cause Orol is on the Fab Life today. Oh, what is that show? It's the one with Tyra Banks and Joe Z. And I think Chrissy Teigen, our biggest fan, Chrissy Teigen. And my cousin works on it too. I should have told them to talk to each other. Neil, let's watch it so we can make fun of Katie on the next one. Yeah, so everyone go check out Katie. So let's see, so Yolanda got a haircut. Is she trying to look more like Gigi, the beautiful Gigi, and not like the other one? No, she got that kind of '90s posh spice angle down lesbian or hard model look. You know, like when they're hard models and they're like, this bikini makes me a super killer. I can kill anybody. And they're like all tough. I wish, oh, I was gonna say, I wish it was more like a Brigitte Nielsen. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But it was, that's a gelled back look, right? Yeah, that was like the Caroline Myso that is harsh. It's a harsh posh. Hold on, I'm clicking on the link. The link that was shared. Obviously I care enough to bring it up. The link was brought to us by Michael Cook, our faithful news correspondent. He's our Michael, he's our unofficial news desk. He's like the AP wire. He's the, he's the BP wire, bravo, bravo press. Let's see, I see a, we're, okay, it's loading, it's loading. I know this is great for all of you people at home. Loading, loading, bullshit, loading. Yeah, I looked on my Twitter thing, or not my Twitter, what's the other one with the picture one, the Instagram. The Insta. And she's like, oh yes, I caught to my hair. And then she had one next to her beautiful child, the other other one. Anwar? That isn't Anwar the other other. Yeah, she's like, he's gorgeous, but my hair is like a square, or triangle coming down. It's very, as it was, not Linda Evangelista, who's the other one from that time who had a haircut like that? And you know what, can I tell you something? I don't like it. I don't like it. You know why I don't like it? I mean, she obviously looks beautiful in it because she's beautiful. She's a beautiful woman. She looks beautiful in anything. She looks beautiful in lines too. This is the best, this is the best this haircut can look. I know what you're saying about the posh spice, it's like that. Ace, symmetrical, swoopy, bang, that's like a dagger at the end. It's like a half short version. It's like a half Kim, not Kim, you know, Kim from posh. Which one was Kim? Was she D or P? Choose P, right? How do I do? I didn't do nothing, huh? I had a fashion show, huh? So here's what, here's why I don't like about it. It's just a fancy mom haircut, okay? I don't like what models do it either. I mean, she's a mom. I have this mom, a brilliant, talented half naked children with hair. Because then what happens is that this posh do, what always happens is it gets filtered down into the supercuts and the fantastic Sams of the world. And then what happens is you get a whole bunch of really crappy mom haircuts. Well, you can't get new boobs and not get a new haircut. It's weird. It's like getting a new car and then not taking it for, you know, like a nice fresh bumper sticker thing in the back. You have to, you know, you have to buy an accessory. You don't ever leave with a Mac. You leave with a Mac and then like Apple hair and some headphones. Well, I thought her accessory was peace of mind. No more Lyme disease. I don't know. I just, I mean, she obviously looks great. She looks great in it, even though I don't like it. She looks great in it. It's just, it's not my favorite haircut. To me, it just reads as sassy mom. And I know it's supposed to be like what you said. Hard model. It's like, I'm trying to think of who else has. It's a little bit, it's a little anime. It's a little, you know, video game character anime. You know, like she should be a character in Mass Effect or something. Yeah, I just picture her with those slingshot, like with a slingshot aiming up at a giant Lyme and just like pelting lemons at it, you know. Like you will not beat me Lyme. It's a very like 1988 Calvin Klein perfume commercial abstract. It's black and white. She's shooting lemons at a Lyme. Well, actually it's more like a slice commercial. She'll just have the water coming out of her arm every time she first. You know, remember those were like a baseball player would hit a ball and then like a stream of water. I think I've actually mentioned this on the podcast before. It's the splice, the splice. I'm going back to the slice commercial joke pit. I'm made up. It is. Do you remember Mountain Dew? I never drink Mountain Dew anymore. Of course Mountain Dew is like the legal crack. That's how people get introduced to crack. It's a gateway drug. When I was a kid, I loved Mountain Dew. Oh my God, those few times I got to drink it, it was like heaven and now I can not do it. But Mountain Dew, by the way, has been around for decades and decades and decades and decades. I always thought it was something that was made up in the 70s, but no. No. No, Mountain Dew is a real thing and it really makes people nuts. I know. And what about orange soda? Whatever happened to orange soda? Well, it was fanta orange, right? Well, fanta is its own breed of thing. You know, but orange soda, like some guests or slice, orange slice. For me, it's all Mima saying it's healthy. You know, it's orange. Like she really is not healthy. Wow, I used to love orange soda. Oh my God, I used to love it, love it, love it. I should have some again. I think the reason I got re-childhood were sodas like that, because it was just pure sugar into the system of an exhausted person. Yeah, it's like Five Alive, which remember Five Alive? No. I don't think we had that. What's that? That's an fancy eat. Cuckoo thing. Yes. You know, I'm surprised they didn't serve it to those Connecticut yachties on below deck this week, but it was Five Alive. I'll get through this quickly. Clearly, I've had some coffee because here we are talking about other crazy foods. Five Alive, real quickly, was this drink that I had it mostly in juice box form, but it could come in like a half gallon size. And I think it was five citrus. It was lemon lime. Sorry, Yolanda. Lemon lime, orange grapefruit, I think. And one other thing, I could look it up really quickly, but it essentially was just like sugar water. And it was delicious. Everyone out there who's listening, who remembers Five Alive, give me a high five. I don't. I'm down. I'm really sad. I'm looking up right now, Five Alive. It was basically like the citrus version of the yeast. It's not my head. It was a real soda. I swear. Oh, I think it's still around. You soda liar. Been spreading soda lies. Soda, it wasn't a soda. It was just a juice. It was OK, but I didn't know what it was. Five fruit juices. Why won't they say what they are? The original is orange, lemon, grapefruit, tangerine, and lime. You talk about a waste of calories, juice. What the hell? Get your nutrients in like a bagel. Get out of here with your juice. By the way, how long until there's some sort of hipster booze that served in juice boxes? Right. Wait, they already have. I feel like they already have a caprice. Well, there is like some sort of drinks, a box of wine now, but it's not big like a Francia. Now they try and make them fancier, and they all come in things that look like little juice boxes. They don't have the Pokémon straw. I don't think so. Well, then that's not the same. Well, I might have some Pokémon straw. I mean, I guess my mom's already invented that. Well, there is that thing that went on to Shark Tank, and then they rejected it. And he became a multimillionaire. It was called Coop of, you know, whatever. It's a glass of wine that's sealed on the top and just tear off the top and you have a glass of wine ready to go. Well, good for him because that's the only way to make money is when you're not involved with Shark Tank. Because they're like, we'll take 70% for our investment, 10% for our time. It's like you're paying for your own child labor at the end of that deal. Not a good deal, Shark Tank people. It's true. Speaking of sharks and yes. Oh, not even sharks being, because this entire episode of Ladies of London is women trying to sell things. It's like one long-- Yes, it was a Shark Tank episode. Yes. It was like a thoroughly polite Shark Tank. So, well, the show actually begins on a very miserable entrepreneurial note, which is the opening montage, like, "Get around London, get around London doing things, ladies." And then all of a sudden it gets silent and we see Rania and she goes, "Bad news, mom." Bad news. The bag, they can't make them in time. Tyrone's like, "Get out of my office." Pauline, I am going to train one of you, how to use Amazon Prime. What the hell is wrong with this company? You go to Amazon, you see a picture, you press click, send to address, it's done. What is the problem? Get Valentina. Valentina. Valentina. Valentina, get the laptop. Pauline, get the charger. Rania, watch. Bring some paper towels and some Windex to wipe the shock of this woman's face, please. Rania, get your shots because we're taking you to the Amazon. I just, but I love that. I can't make the bags in time, mom. And her voice was, like, extra deep. It was, like, I mean, deeper than mine, I can even get my voice. It's like, "She's so cute." Like, that lady is so fucking cute and her squinty little, like, she has kind of squinty eyes that are trembling at all moments. Like, she's about to cry. Like, in a Disney movie, when a little piece of love to cry. It's like the great mass detective. It's like one of the peons speaking to that big, bad rat, you know? That was my text message. By the way, I love her. And it's like this cute woman. And today, her hair is all shiny and pretty. And she was all glowy because of the opening filter. Bad news, mom. Oh, no. Bad news. My friend just sent me a picture and said, "Look who I met last night." And I have no idea who it is. Isn't that funny? So it's probably how all of our friends feel. I know. It looks sort of like the girl from screen, whatever her name was. So that was beautiful. We got trouble, mom. Bad news. They can't make him in time. Pauline. Pauline. Go to the factory. Valentina, start the convey about. Valentina, hire someone named Amber. I'm sick of saying your name. Stand outside and wait for a prime darling. Check it on your cell phone. Don't forget to turn on your location this time. You've got damn moron. Do everything myself. Valentina, go to the storeroom. Find a bag. Pauline, put the bag in a wrapper. Slowly, slowly, slower. Amber, unwrap it. Put it over your head. Valentina, have her breathe deeply until she can't breathe anymore. Thank you. Pauline, go to the immigrant on the corner. Buy five of the bags out of his trunk. Valentina, put them in different boxes. Rainier, sell them. Go. Now, I don't want to see your faces unless I'm going to fire you. Love that we opened with that. And guess the girl power music was so good today. All across the board, it was very good. Driving. Girls with power are driving through the sea. Girls driving. And then the next, then the other thing. Bringing hot dogs to England. Yeah. Yeah, I just hope people like my hot dogs. And then we have Caroline Fleming talking to her dogs. You were outside, you had the longest walker. Then you came inside and had a poop in a pee. Oh, you know where you're going next? You're going to the kitchen to have more food. I'm like, well, another exciting arc for Caroline Fleming. I like what she said. You're going to boarding school. I thought, you know what? That is why less people in that country kill their parents than they do here. Like hear their stories all the time. Children kill their parents. Not there because they have to go to boarding school. They don't properly hate their parents because they're not there half the time. I'm excited for those dogs. They're going to come back with a whole bunch of magic spells because you know, she only sends things to like Hogwarts. Like that she doesn't send them to boarding school. Like Caroline Fleming straight to wizard school. Dogs, children, even once you returns things, she's like, oh, this stuff simply does not work. I'll send it to the wizard school. This poopoo still is coming out in the kitchen. But at least now I can wipe it on my face and feel the tingle of magic. Can't see my face right now because it's hidden behind a wall of little puppy poopoo. Unfortunately, some of my spurs have gone awry, which is why I have a bookshelf in the middle of my dining room table and a dent in my bench. I haven't figured out how to reverse those spells yet. Hopefully the dogs will learn something. Yes, I know it's a construction site, but I'm wearing magical flip-flops. These aren't just feeders. They're magical feeders. They give you the spirit of Christmas all year round. She is like a little sprite. Like her little fairy trail is those gold chocolate coins. You know, they just drop on the poor people at weddings. She is definitely someone who exists solely in a Christmas special from like 1971. You know, like she just walks in and be like, "Chill adjourned it's Christmas time, gather around the fire. We're going to learn things and spread the wheel, because St. Nick is going to be coming to the window soon." And that's all just like, girl, it's July. I know, but St. Nick will be here soon enough in six months. Now the Christmas specials, and I watch them every year with my mom, these Christmas specials now are trying to modernize. So everything's like, the economy's tanked, and your father lost his job, and your mother's addicted to meth. And it's Christmas. Let's learn how to love each other anyway. Hello, come on. Oh, some carolines and emvisi flops. Exactly. I saw an awful horse that is the world. I saw an awful Christmas movie about a year and a half ago, called Single Santa is sort of, you know, like Santa, it was like a, I forget what it was, like Santa desperately in search of Mrs. Claus or something like that. Like, you know, it was like a personal ad, because the thing was at that time I was writing a movie. It was a spec script called Santa is Single. It was about Santa being single. And, you know, he moves to L.A. to find... Mrs. Claus had left him because she took a big ignored, and because Santa has issues like that. So he moves to L.A. to find a new wife. So then this thing was on the Hallmark Channel. I was like, well, I got to watch this to make sure there's no overlap, etc. So it was this Christmas movie starring Judge Reinhold. Was it Judge Reinhold? Yeah, no, I'm sorry. Steve Gutenberg and Crystal Bernard and Steve Gutenberg is like the son of Santa, and he falls in love with Crystal Bernard in the middle of like a wacky, you know, modern life where no one believes in things anymore. It was so awful. Well, I like how it relates to Ladies of London, because that's totally how Juliet feels. She's like, my husband is gone like, I don't know, like a month out of the year, or something like flying all over the place. And then when he's here, he's just like making toys. Like, I'm in this neighborhood stuck with all these poor people, like, I'm happy. She is essentially the Crystal Bernard of this show. Let's not get it wrong. Let's not get it twisted. If this show recasts by the same same actors of Wings, she'd be played by Crystal Bernard. I like kind of mixing that up, because I think Amy from Blydeic and her kind of mix up, because Crystal Bernard also has like a bimbo lightness to her, but also a hot edge, because she deals with strong men in the 80s. That's right, that's right. And in the Santa movie, she was like an advertising executive, and she was like trying to figure things out, and things were hard, and whatever. So also by, we still are in the same Ladies of London opening montage, because we're still with Ladies in Traffic, literally. Yeah, we're still with the girls and dragons. So Julia's sending out her job, and then we also see my favorite, actually, was Annabelle, having tea with Granny, and she's like, I'm going to have mine laced with sugar and milk. It's the French way. Rock and roll, rock and roll. I'll let this tea stay in the hot water for an extra 90 seconds. More rock and roll, babe. Instead of using a sugar cube, I just put it in our loose rock and roll, Rebel Alexander! Sometimes Alexander used 2% of milk, instead of half and half. Rebel, I was his muse. Grandma, we're not going to drink this tea. We're going to inhale the vapors until it's lukewarm. Rock and roll, grandma. You know, drinking this tea with laced with sugar and milk reminds me if when I was a child and every time I wanted tea, this would put a dunce cap on my head. But not anymore, I'm a rebel! The first time I had tea, I spilled it. That was the ninth time at boarding school. They put me behind a wall and asked me to go to a therapist until I could drink tea properly with three tubes and half and half. I was a troubled child. I was always burning myself on purpose with tea. Sometimes I'd have, I sometimes I'd have English morning tea in the afternoon. Because I'm a rebel! You can't even do sad horns with her because she's too classy. You have to do like violins, but not even violins because that's too classy. She's rockin' it. So like garage band violins. Yeah, instead of... She had a hilarious episode. So this woman has basically become Natasha from Bullwinkle. From rockin' Bullwinkle. She's become the villainous, I mean, I know those things would pay off. Well, I actually don't see her as the villainous. I feel like they're trying to actually make her the mother hen of this group, which is very strange because she seems like she can barely tolerate any of them. Maybe the mother Gerbal, who's like, eat the other babies. Eat the other babies. Eat it slowly, slowly. Rania, what have you learned from the gift shop? How can we sabotage it even further? Good news, mom. It's tanking. So good, so good. Anyway, we'll get to that. Because right now we're in second thirty-seven of the show. Yeah. Okay, so somebody, is this a Juliet? The sister-in-law is Sophie, right? Yeah. Sophie. Yeah. Um, okay. So what happens is after we come out of the montage, Juliet is in her car and she's like in a huff and she's getting into her car and she's racing over to Caroline's. Over the whole bridge. Over the whole bridge. Hello, poor lake. Hello. Goodbye, poor town. Yeah. She's in her pumpkin driving across to Caroline into Richland. And she's in a state. And for a moment, I actually thought she was mad because she goes, she's like, you know, in this town, rumors get out so quickly. And so I'm going to Caroline. So I thought, oh shit. Caroline said something about Juliet and Juliet's man. Juliet's going to go confront her. The music in the car. Yeah. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. It was like the mixture of your coconut music with dramatic music. It was like that clown mixed with drama. Well, the producers were like, should we make this a silly scene? Or should we make this like a scary scene? Let me just cut the, like, cut the difference or whatever. Yeah. Just she's being bipolar right now. So make it a angry clown. You know, yeah, so Juliet shows up. And her main issue is that she's still upset about the fact that Julie outed what Juliet had said to her about Caroline, that because Caroline had called Juliet and said, I'm going to wipe the floors with you. I'm going to destroy you. I'm going to cut you down, whatever. So Juliet had told Julie this, and then Julie told Annabelle this, and Juliet was mortified because she wants to be seen as a loyal peon to the Brits, right? Yeah, I mean, she never said that Caroline didn't say those things. But she said that that Caroline was saying it as a joke. Yeah, which she was, but also not a joke. Yeah. So Juliet is doing damage control, so she races over to be like, well, you know, so I tell Julie Ann, yeah. Then the beginning of the scene was so funny, because Caroline, meanwhile, is like losing her business, and things are going terribly for her. So she's in a terrible mood anyway. And Julia comes in and she's like a kid that just pissed on the floor, basically. She walks in and she's like ringing her hands and kind of looking. Like, her head's like moving back, and I'm like, hi, hi. What is it? Just sit, stop doing that. Oh, I made a mistake, I just told Julie and passing in yoga, how you threatened to like line my family up and shoot us all on the head, and then all of the head. But I'm just kidding. Like, I don't know, she's taken serious. It's like darling, sit down. I don't explain something to you. You're an idiot. Don't speak, ever, don't ever speak. Here's what you do, all right? Next time you think about speaking, just throw yourself in traffic. All right, great, thank you, good talk. I'd like to give you some advice, but we'll do it on those yellow lines in the middle of the road. All right, hobble out there now, rain man. Hobble out, hobble out. Darling, will you leave tonight? Please, don't take the elevator. Just throw yourself down the stairs. All right, thank you. So as-- Valentina, Valentina, go clear away Julia's carcass. Thank you, Pauline, get a body bag. Thank you. Rayna, please, everyone else is outside. Please get Amber to go wipe down everyone who's been cleaning up body fluid. I don't want Julia back in this office, darling. She'll probably even find a way to talk his goo. Bad news, mum. The cops are here, they're asking questions. All right, tell everyone, Pauline, you're dead, goodbye. Thank God we've taken on Amber, framed the bitch. All right, everybody clear, clear the office. They're loading a body into a lorry. Get out, so good. Okay, so after all the carolines defensive when it comes to her, everybody's attacking me or whatever. But at the same time, it doesn't get-- I love that she just blows, she knows how Julia is, and she's like, you're a moron, all right, moving on. Well, because, I mean, in our reality, she probably said those things to Julia because she was pissed, she was annoyed with Julia. She probably said it in a dry, joking way. She probably was annoyed but she was being dry. And then Julia, because she is a drama queen, probably then calls up Julia, be like, oh my God, Caroline was so annoyed at me, and then she said this and that. And then at this point, that's Caroline right there. Be like, you have it all wrong, no. Honk, honk, honk. Pauline, pull the car forward. Valentina, honk it. Honk until that truck of mini hamburgers moves out of the way. Pauline, stay away from the hamburgers, you're too big. You're lucky to have a job here. Pauline calls someone to peel Valentina out of the hamburger truck. Valentina call emergency services. Pauline is wedged in between three hamburgers. Pauline, get your hand out of the vending machine. Bad news, mom. We didn't pay the insurance last month. Bad news, mom. We got out of the hamburger truck, but an egg salad truck pulled up next to her. She's fully engorged. Uh, so Valentina, get a tow truck, just take her out to the yards. All right, so moving on. No, no, no. What I was going to say though is that it's obviously a game of telephone. And you know, Caroline is like, it's Julie being a drama queen about silly things because she takes everything so seriously and so personally. Fair, but it's like compounded because Juliet was being a drama queen. And then Julie hears it and it's probably it's worst state. So then Julie is like, oh my God, HSP, high sensitivity personality. And then Julie tells it, but when Julie said it, she didn't even say it. Like, oh my God, this is what Caroline said. Julie used it as just like an example to Annabelle. Like, oh, yeah. I mean, Caroline's like a little, she's like, she can be rough. Like, I mean, she even said to you, da, da, da, da, da. To be fair, Julie did not say it in a crazy way at that conversation. So, but then Juliet is all self-conscious. So now Juliet has now. Like the thing that makes it crazy on Julie's and is that she doesn't just drop it. Like the point isn't that she said it. It's that she's just, Julie's, okay, Julie's a classic case of what? I don't know what you mean. Juliet, you told me she wanted to murder your family, cut off your baby's head, eat the brains out with the spoon. I mean, what's the problem so much that it? Well, actually the, but I'm still going to stick up for Julie a little bit here. I don't think she's evil. I really, no, I know, but I don't think even, but the thing is that when Julie mentioned it in a matter of fact way and Julie, I was like, well, I never said that. So then Julie is confused. And she's like, no, you totally said it. How could you, da, da, da, da? Julie, I should have been like, oh, no. I mean, when she said it, she wasn't, she was joking. She was joking. Like she should have, Juliet did not handle Julie properly. But the point is they're both crazies. And so when it finally comes over to Caroline, Caroline is like, Flummox. She's like, what the fuck? I would just like, made a joke, which is why it was hilarious. That's why Caroline was like, how long have you been friends with Julie? She's the village fucking Foghorn. Pauline, shut down the Foghorn. You know, get the shit out of Port. You can't take back a dick pick and you can't take back a job. Don't say anything to her, all right? And then on Caroline's just like, you know, I just love that she then just dismisses Juliet. She's like, she's like, a cave person. Rainier, get the cave person out of the gift shop. She has no business being here. Pauline. I love, oh, I'm sorry, Ben. I had no idea that. I loved that she was so, what was I going to say? Damn it, because I interrupted your Pauline. Now I'm trying to, now I need to know what Pauline was going to say. Pauline, send him back to the Museum of Natural History where all cave people belong. I like that she was bringing up cartoons because she's just a cave woman, you know, it's like grabbing someone by their hair, bashing them against the wall, make a pretty picture with them and drag them inside, like bam, bam. Yeah, she's like a regular Fred Finstone, you know, she just, she just have a person who'll just make a big noise and then you shut the door behind you and then she bangs the door till you let her out. You have to put out a cat and then she's still mad. And Julie's just a Barney telling us, face it, following around Fred, wondering why he's carrying that big stick but supporting him nevertheless. Yeah, I can't tell you. I mean, she's, you know, she's just like a typical American, you know. She always wants to eat more than she can handle, more than her car can handle. She gives a big thing of, oh, she wants a bigger and bigger ribs until the next thing, you know, her car's flipped over on the side. I mean, typical. Oh, Flintstones. Pauline, Pauline, put the car right side up. Valentina, take away the ribs. Valentina, I'm with Americans today. Get a steak so gigantic that it tips over the car. Valentina, make sure there's no floor on the car so we can go at maximum speed. Thank you. Pauline, have Valentina stop licking the steak. All right, Rayna. Vellantina up. Valentina, please grease up the dinosaur so that Julie can slide off it quickly. Thank you. Bad news, Mum. Dinosaur gone extinct. Well, then I don't understand how Julie is going to get off work. I mean, what should you do? Just walk over here. No, she needs to slide down a dinosaur. Get her a slide. Someone, Pauline, find her a slip and slide and put it on a hill. Okay. Anything can be sold with a game of bowling, Mum. Bad news, Mum. There's no floor on the car. That's not going to work properly. Well, that's the damn point now, Rayna. I mean, what are you thinking? Bad news, Mum. We couldn't feed. We couldn't afford to feed that bird anymore, pellets. And no one will know when it's time to stop licking. Bad news, Mum. Loss of spare set of keys, Julie has locked out. Oh, for God's sake, just give her a cat, all right? Do we have a cat like a mangy cat just waiting outside the stone home here? There's nothing even going on in there, but, you know, just leave her out there. So good. That is, Mum. The cat jumped through the window. Oh, my God. All right. So then let me see here. Marissa-- oh, so Marissa, where are we now? Restaurant, Taurus, because my husband is a restaurant, all right? So we get the chefs. We get the chefs table. And it's, you know, in the walking closet right next to the box of, like, week-olds, you know, baby, baby field greens or what have you. And yeah, eating in the kitchen, it always sounds fun, but real kitchen smell like bleach, barot, and, you know, nachos. Yeah. Meanwhile, the restaurant tour is like, here, let's put this American downstairs away from the general public. All right, thank you. You're not quite ready. Your accent isn't quite ready for public consumption, so we're seating you in the kitchen, so you'll feel more comfortable. We as Autodigest, if you know everyone around you, hate you. In general, we have a policy that we don't enjoy people in our dining room, who've been in the Sunday time to the hot dog in their face, so you'll be downstairs in the basement. And then I love Marissa's just, like, yammering on. She's like, I don't know how to eat a hot dog as you were licking its sideways. You're eating in the kitchen until you learn how to use a fork. Fun fact, a raccoon once died where you're eating. So then Marissa's yammering on, like, I'm just so excited about making a restaurant. How about, I want to make a Korean restaurant yet. Next. Oh yeah, next Korean. Please, this bitch is going to do a Korean restaurant. Let me just get out of here. She's like, I want to make sure that we're not ignoring the children, because our mother's work is just as important as hot dogs stands. So I want to make sure I still get to, like, play with our kids. I'm like, he's like, yes, darling, you'll still take care of the kids. All right, let's have a Korean place. That's like another low-effort restaurant. You just throw a goldfish in a fryer, and you're done. But I'm with a side of sauce. They do all the cooking for you. It's great. Let's open up any hot. So she is talking about her restaurant, which is cute, I guess. And I like when she said, I do love that her husband's so supportive and stuff. He's like, yes, dear, open a hot dog standing. You're a foodie, dear. And by the way, as much as we make fun of her, I love hot dogs. I love going to a dog house in Burbank. I love it. We talk shit, but next time I got a London, I'm totally going to go into top dog. I'm really lucky, because I have a husband who pushes me. It's weird, because whenever we're around stairs, it's just like, he gives me a little push. It's so cute, just to remind me that he's pushing me. He's so kind. He bought me a restaurant that used to have the basement. It used to be catacombs as recently as yesterday. It's so sweet. Thankfully, it's a hot dog stand, so all we had to do was clean up the animal parts and then put them in some sausage casing and boom, add a little mustard, like it sideways. And it's a hot dog. So then Annabelle and Julie meet up to talk about Caroline. And basically, I mean, nothing really funny happened to see. Well, this is where she begins her. This is where Julie starts her craziness. Yes, Annabelle comes in all positive. She's like, "Cheese! Yes, rock and roll on mainland some carrot juice." You know, that's a baby spinach in there. Rock and roll. Rock and roll. Ah, the sandwich, please. Well, the close up you have is an avocado toast. Yes, a sandwich with only one piece of bread. Rebel, rock and roll sandwich. Rebel nation telling. So how are you? She's like, "Well, you know, well, well." And Julie starts going on and then Annabelle kind of deflates. She's like, "Well, I was in a positive mood." Thanks for killing that one. That was the first time this year that I haven't had seasonal, disorder, seasonal depression. Thank you. Thank you for ruining it, Julie. But this is where she began her evil. This, I'm not evil, you know, it's silly because obviously she doesn't like Caroline. Yeah. And she's basically trying to get her team together. She's like, "Come together, team. Let us get in a huddle." Now, here is why you're angry with Caroline. Because Julie's like, "Well, you know, I mean, she's just Caroline. I'm going to buy her a present." Why would you do that? Why would you buy her a gift? Don't you remember what she did to you? Well, that's like a way ahead of time. But basically in this-- Oh, it is? What happened in this one? No, in this scene is when Julie is saying that, she's just like unsettled by everything. And Annabelle is like, "Listen, don't be intimidated. You have to tell her that you don't know the way she talks to you. And you know, she can't take back apologies. And you know, you have to send up to her." You know, she basically is telling her to send up to her. And she's like, "Yeah, I'm going to stand up to her. I'm going to do that. I mean, I'm nervous because I'm HSP. So I really am nervous, but I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it." Yes, yes, yes. Mm-hmm. This is-- I don't know if this is the first time we've discussed this, but it's the first time I noticed it. And once I saw it, I could not stop seeing it. Annabelle is being played very well, best performance of her career, by the way, by Winona Ryder. She looks exactly like her. Have we talked about that? We have not talked about that. I haven't thought about that. She does look. She's the future. Winona Ryder. Meet Shenandoah, the writer. Meet Shenandoah, the writer. Meet Shenandoah, the writer. I think that-- Oh, she does have the same space between her eyes as Shenandoah. Yes, she does. And like, those perfectly round little eyes. Yeah. But I always loved Winona Ryder, and I was really upset when she had to quit acting after she stole a scarf or something. Yeah. She's back. She was just in that HBO miniseries. Show Me Hero. Well, she conquers action. Well, she conquers action. I hope they do a movie about-- Alexander. Alexander. Well, she was a next one also. Alexander to steal a scarf. All right, so then we go to Caroline Fleming. And guess what, Caroline has a friend come over, and guess who the friends-- what the friend's name is? Caroline. It's our third Caroline. This is Caroline Doby. Not to be confused with Caroline Fleming or Caroline Stanbury. Okay, I'm looking through it. I'm looking through it. So this was like-- her friend is like a therapist. The slow hugging therapist? Okay, wait, hold on. I have to get to that. We're a slow hugging therapist. I know it's in here. Slowest hugging therapist I've ever seen. Hello, darling. This long embrace of death hug. Yeah. Embrace death, darling. Caroline Fleming is like, happy holidays to you. Just, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. She's like, it's January. I know. It's the first day of 360 days of holidays. It's not Jesus' birthday. It's the founding of Hogwarts. It's Christmas somewhere, right? No, no, it's not, actually. There's a parade of fairies, dragons, giant spiders, and big hairy fat ghosts. You just can't see them. Here, I got you this toy. It's made of wood entirely, and it represents a little man in a car. It's from my workshop. Please enjoy. Goodbye now. So did they go into the whole therapy? Fingers out later. No, so what happens is that Caroline Fleming says, it's so good to have Caroline around to talk to since I don't have a mother, so I have someone I recommend therapy for everyone. Everyone gets therapy. Merry Christmas to all, until I look at therapy session. She's like, I just love being able to talk with her. She helps me so many things. And the woman's like, "Well, Caroline, I was thinking about the last time." Caroline's like, "I have to interrupt you." Because I met someone, and she's opened my soul, and he's younger than me. And it just feels so good to have a woman of needs. And then the therapist kept on trying to talk, and Caroline Fleming kept on talking over her, although I remember a letter talk. It was so funny. And she was acting like the therapist too, which was so good. I had to write this down. By the way, this is not to be passive aggressive, but I do appreciate the irony of you interrupting me to say that she never let her talk. I'm like, and then you go, "And she never let her talk." (laughs) No, but all I was gonna say is that I suspect that a lot of those interruptions were created in post-production. Oh, you think so? Yeah, I mean, I think there was a whole one in option. Oh, I hope it's really like that with her. It probably is too. I mean, it's probably a mix, but I kind of got the feeling like they were making it look a lot worse than it was. 'Cause they really made Caroline Fleming look extremely self-absorbed, and she's probably only kind of self-absorbed. The reason I interrupt you to you is because you go on a long sentence, and you're about to end the entire scene, and I've got like a whole thing of-- No, I wasn't. I wasn't-- I wasn't about the scene. I wasn't about to end the scene at all, Ronnie. I quit! See, if you let me get to the end of the sentence, you'd hear that I wasn't gonna end it at all. You would have known. You would have known. There was not gonna be a fade out on the scene. No, there was no fade out. There's plenty of Christmas for all of us, Ronnie. Oh, I hope that they were not cutting that to make her look like that, because it was hysterical watching-- I know, so then the next scene-- No, I'm just kidding. You bastard. So I had to write this part down. My lovely girlfriend, Gazelle. My dearest did a reading for me. She told me I was gonna meet someone, a true love, and then there was this inner voice, and it started speaking to me. And my internal-- My internal was ringing out! The therapist is like, "Well, the thing I've always said about antennae, my heart is open. He has a gigantic heart." You know what I mean? You know, when he gets excited, I can't notice how big, thick, and erect his heart becomes. It's amazing how he gets such a big heart on when he gets excited. She was so funny in this whole scene, and I would like to think that everybody's like that in therapy, because you're not necessarily always paying for advice. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to your bullshit, you know? I feel like every time she talks, the music from Peter and the Wolf should play. Remember that? Remember Peter and the Wolf? Yes, of course. This kind of did twist the image on her, though, because it made her look so hilarious, but also just as self-absorbed, just in a fake, rich, hippie way. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you know, by the way, when she started about like, "I have a new friend in my life. I've really enjoyed spending time with my new friend." You know, it's just like a rabbit. That's like, started to come to her doorstep. It's like a little rabbit that she gives a carrot to. She's like, "Ah, he's so much younger than me, but I feel so fulfilled by our relationship." And I sing to him at night, and he comes by for extra carrots. "Rabbit age means nothing, not thinking." "I don't give a shit." There I said it. A shit. "I read what I shipped down. I understand what he goes through." So good. Love her. All right, so what's the next product? She doesn't have a product. No, she doesn't mention a product. Yes, she doesn't have a product. She doesn't have to talk her product on "Lays of London," because her product already is legit over there, I think. So the next thing that happens is that Julie, speaking of products, we see Julie in her tiny apartment, packaging more job with her daughter Emma, and she's like venting to Emma about Caroline. She's like, "Oh, I don't know. I mean, Caroline's so mean, and I had to say something to her, but I don't know, I just get so nervous, and I just don't know what I should do. Maybe I should talk to her." No, Mum, don't talk to her, Mum. No, Mum, all right. I'm on British, and you're not all right. This is where you do it. This is how you handle it. Okay, this is what you say to her. Nothing. Ask about the weather, all right? And if she says it's cloudy, then you know it's okay. But she's mean. I mean, look, the sensible thing to do would be to confront her in a party or something, right? Just walk into the middle of a party and confront her, right? I don't know, it's like maybe I'll get her some flowers, and then she can have the flowers, and then if she sneezes in them, then I'll be terrible because she'll make, oh my God, I'll never hear the end of it about the flowers and her allergies. Maybe I shouldn't get a flower. Maybe I should get like, I don't know, a card, but what if she gets a paper cut? I mean, I don't know, Emma, what should I do? Do you think I can get pregnant again? I mean, it's something if you give them a baby. I mean, I can't do the firstborn because I've already had one, but you know, I can give her another one, like the fourthborn, fifthborn, come on. Maybe I should make her a sandwich. You know, it's like a little bit of our family to her because we are going to be the sandwiches, and I don't know. The sandwiches. I want to give her one of those long cutting boards that goes over a counter, so the counters never get dirty. You can just take it right off and wash it in the sink with a little bleach. Oh, but then she doesn't cook. Maybe she'll think I'm making a commentary about how she doesn't cook. I mean, I don't know, Emma. I'm just so nervous. I mean, you're like my best friend, right? Mom, I'm 16. I need to go to writing school. Mom, please stop talking. Mom, you're embarrassing the family name. Just go back to Manhattan. Please go back to the cafe and work behind the register. Just get out of here. I'll take care of her. Mother, mother, I'll go talk to Caroline. All right. All right. Caroline, mother says hello. Good day. Goodbye. There it's all. Mom, great news. It's fixed. Bad news, Mom. Bad news, Mom. The daughter has stapled the mother's mouth shut, Mom. Bad news, Mom. The sandwiches are coming over with gifts. Oh, good God. It's not supposed to be here. Send them a $10,000 letter opener and then bring me a gigantic dumpster. Valentina, roll that dumpster away from your desk with your lunch in it and into here. We've got a lot of things to throw away. Pauline, stop throwing up into that waste basket and bring it over here so I can throw Judy's gift into it. Has anyone bailed out Amber yet? Don't do it. Don't do it. Let her spend some time in there. She'll learn. She'll learn everything. How do you think? Where do you think I found Renee, all right? So in this scene also, Julie? Well, I mean, I know. I just care too much, but it's a disease. And if you look it up, it's there. It's called HSP. And it means highly sensitive personality. And I have that. And if someone raises their voice to me, I just end up with tears. I can't help it. Wherever I go and I need to use the restroom, I look for an HSP sign and there isn't one. I start freaking out. I just started to go on myself. Mom, please stop peeing on yourself every time I go to the opera. Mom, do shut up. By the way, it occurred to me as she was talking about her jub balls. Does she thought about the fact that jub balls means Julie's unbelievable balls balls? Oh, that's true. Well, there are two balls. They're two balls balls balls balls balls balls. Oh my god, I can't believe what this entire branding process I didn't even think about that. We would not invest in American with good grammar. Part of what we love about you is that you just don't care to learn. Now, please step inside our office. So then, I believe the next thing we see is Sophie. Sophie marching down the street, which gets me excited, because I think she looks so glamorous and wonderful. So I love watching her just walk down the street. And then she goes into a coffee shop with Caroline. And I can't have coffee, I'm off alcohol. No, she was like, no, she's like, Caroline ordered a coffee, and she's like, darling, I want you to detox. And she's like, yes, so, well, oh, oh, I'm sorry, I was just alcohol. Yes, coffee, coffee, there's no alcohol in coffee. Sophie's like, I'm so sorry. There, of course, there's no alcohol in coffee. As she like puts away her little flask of things I don't ingest. Meanwhile, Sophie's hiding away her little flask. She's like, no, of course not no alcohol in coffee. [LAUGH] Uh, I've never tasted your coffee and there's not alcohol in it. Well, yeah, that's not how they make it. I mean, who do you think I am? A common Irishman like, Rainier, no. Pauline, get the alcohol out of my coffee, I'm not. Well, you know, if it's not Jack, what's in it, then? Avocado, banana, and caca, caca. Valentina, please come swallow this caca for Sophie, darling. Valentina, I need a banana. An avocado, and caca. Rainier, we're going to need someone to clean up Valentina's face. She's dripping caca. Bad news, mum. Pauline spilled all the caca. Well, then get extra avocado. Bad news, mum. It's out of season. Oh, my good god. Let me really have some banana. Valentina, swallow this for Sophie. [LAUGH] Valentina, here's what you do, okay? Barely and browner jails. Send it to the supermarket. Have a steal, some banana, and some cacao. Give it to me, and then send it back into jail. Well, you know, I just don't understand why everybody's against me. You know, first they do this, and then they do that, and then I have to deal with the business. They could foreclose on me at any moment, darling. I was like, well, what could they take? They could take Valentina, darling. All right, she doesn't know it, but a dolly could come here. Any moment, strap her to it with a bunch of cord, and just roll her ride out, darling. She'll probably be chewing on one of my pencils as she leaves. You know, I'm not going to be able to give that back to the bank. Thanks a lot, Valentina. Paulina, chase Valentina down to parking to get the pencil out of her mouth. Bad news, Mum. This word just got in from Amber in jail. Turns out Valentina rode doubles three times in a row, which is going straight to jail. Sorry, Mum. [LAUGH] Oh, great, that's just what we need. Now, two of my assistants are in jail. Pauline, send a car package to jail. Tell them we'll get them to get them. We'll fish them out as soon as possible. But please remember, under no circumstance, I'll be actually going to fish them out, all right? I don't fish, darling, all right? Is Amber out of jail yet? Maybe she knows that. Don't get her. No, don't get her. We'll wait. We'll wait. Pauline, make sure you don't take up too much of Amber's room in that set, all right? I know you're a big girl, all right? Just be respectful. Amber's the future, darling. Amber's the future. I like how Sophie just breaks it down so easily. Oh, calm your fashion. But, you know, if I was at the end of the dinner table, upside down, showing my buttocks to the world in a yoga pose, and someone made fun of me. Someone took a selfie. I mean, yeah, I just have a laugh and be done with it. Oh, Jesus Christ, darling. This is the Americans. This is sensitive. Oh, Sophie. Oh, and Caroline said, she was crying. I mean, sobbing. She was dripping like an avalanche, darling. It was disgusting. I mean, oh, I haven't cried like that since Sophie goes, never, never cried like you never cry. She's like, no, one time I cried when I thought about, oh, no, I'm sorry, I was laughing, never mind. I was thinking about someone dying. I came out of my mother's womb. The doctor slapped me on the ass and I slapped him right back. When I came out of my mother's room, the very first thing I did is said, what's going on? I need a blankie right now. Get in here with a blankie. Nanny, squeeze my mother's breast for me, please. Get this ridiculous cord out of my belly. Slowly, slowly. Now, put me on my mother's bosom. That's right. Slowly, that across the bosom forward. You know, it's like a nursemaid's bosom though. She's like, mother, hand me to the nanny. Nanny, nursemaid, nursemaid, nappy, nappy. Clear, clear. Napped, napped, fetal, burrito, burrito the blanket. Burrito the blanket. All right, I've made a mess of my diaper. Change it, please. Faster. Fast, I tell you, when I say I made a mess, it does not mean you go slowly. Faster. I've created all of your brain power in my diaper. It's a pile of shit. Powder, fast. On my bum. So, see. I actually do feel really bad for Caroline in this because it's not fun to watch somebody losing their business. And she's very upfront about it, which I appreciate. I like that she doesn't do it like a, like a part of that spin. She's basically like, I've got to go into divestment or whatever it's called. DaVenture. I've got a DaVenture. I've got to do it with a ridiculous DaVenture. I've got to pay for Pauline Sowery. It's ridiculous. She's half of my, he's made up half of her waffles at sheets. I mean, how many Eggo waffles will need to supply in this place? Let go your own Eggo. All right, new company policy. If you want Eggo waffles, you have to buy them yourself, all right? That goes for you too, Pauline. I'm sick of putting half this company's revenue into the Eggo, Eggo budget, all right? That's enough. I've borrowed $50 billion to this company from Shars. And you're eating it. You're eating it. I hope you enjoy your $50 billion Eggo waffle McMuffin Valentina. Valentina, get that cat out of your mouth, darling. Valentina, I know you didn't steal all those pocketbooks. We were going to sell this year of seasonal. I know you didn't steal them. I know you're just merely using them to get waffles back home. But enough is enough, all right? No more waffles and no more pocketbooks. Bad news, mama. Valentina ate the waffle machine. Well, that's all that problem. Stop considering everything bad news, dreaming. Lighten up, darling. Bad news, man. Pauline's been sending waffles to all of our customers. No one appreciates it. [Laughter] Instead of the gifts that we forgot to order, mom, they've been sending waffles. People are not laughing. Well, did she at least send a circular one? Not the square ones. No, no, she sent the square ones. Well, you know, we stand for the circle ones. I can't believe she even took off. This is just ridiculous. Just tell them that Asian babies died somewhere for those waffles or suddenly become valuable. And everybody will want one, darling. So I have to teach you everything. Valentina, go down to Sears, buy a waffle iron and stick Pauline's hand in it. That'll teach you. Please, no, mom. I'm not worried about the pain. Just losing my hand when Valentina tries to eat it. [Laughter] All right, ladies at the gift shop. I want to have a meeting, all right? All right. The only one who's eating anything is me. I'm having jelly toss. The rest of you, if you touch a waffle, you're fired, all right? Get out. You'll terminate you as fast as I can. Oh, so let's move on to more food stuff. Now it's Marissa Yammering about top dog again, and she's going through the marketing. She's like, well, I don't know. I kind of zoned out during this scene, to be honest. She's meeting with a marketer. She's like, well, the top dog, it's just exciting. Like, that's a kind of being trusted with this thing. But no, my god, now it's going to be eight weeks and six weeks. And it's just some of the budget's gotten so much bigger. And I keep, like, you know, I keep remembering things that I've forgotten. It makes me wonder what I've forgotten that I've forgotten. I just wanted to warn you that it smells like dead animals in there and probably syphilis or something. Like, it smells really, really poorly. But I'm like, I have charts. And what kind of top hats do you think that the people should wear who are certain about hot dogs? Because like, that's big in this country. So like, I'm mixing top hots with, you know, regular Americans. I loved when she talked, when they flashbacked to Annabelle. I'm sorry, to Marissa getting advice from Annabelle on the t-shirts that they should be selling at top dog. And Annabelle's like, you know what I think would be great? As if you make your logo so small, people won't even notice it until after the third wash. And they realize, oh, there's a logo tucked away in there. That would be really cool. It's like great marketing advice there, great. Take your logo and put it in a forest and then move the camera back all the way. And when you see it, you'll finally realize it's a hot dog. And that's calling not seeing the forest for its trees. Rock and roll! Rebel! I did like how she approached it in the way that a consumer would, where she said, you know, that way people will feel like they're wearing art and not, you know, being a tacky advertisement for a hot dog, you lick sideways. Sometimes you know, it's even hurt up. You know, it's like, I kind of like that. But you got to see the logo, you know, it's kind of important. Yeah, or make the logo something cool that people would want to wear. Not even cool, but something like, you know, like the black dog thing from Martha's Vineyard, you know. Make it one of those pictures you have to stare at for a really long time to understand it. Well, how about this? You know, I'm a big fan of Alfred E. Newman. He was a visionary person in our live time. How about this? When you fold the T-shirt in the middle, all of a sudden it says, top dog. But then when you, when you widen it out, it says, to pangar, to pangar. And when you open it up, it says, welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day. Have you ever heard that joke? No, I haven't. It's so tacky. I heard it when I was a kid, stuck in my head forever. Not going to tell it. Okay, so let's go on to like one person and I'll pass those dying in their car right now. Okay, everybody else who's not getting it. The brand name is hidden. People are enjoying your shirt and it doesn't feel like an odd darling. What if no one likes hot dogs as much as I do? No one cares. Not too clean. Oh, I love the guy that she was talking to because the businessman, it's like, that's businessman is huge. He's been like, he's done business for Beyonce, Donald Trump, Hewlett Packett. I'm just going to announce Beyonce and then a bunch of Republican products or something. Anyway, I don't know why I did that. Anyway, she was like, he'd represent everybody and then it goes to him and he's like, nah, here's what we got to worry about. Zeit, guys. All right. Low go. Go. Monetary go. Monetary go. Creative, creative seed. Mental lines. Mental lines. Like, oh my God, he's just like spewing everything he can from a Tony Robbins book. Looking super nervous. Yeah. Loved it. Loved it. Julie looks like a vampire. So yeah. That's really huge of my notes. God bless her. Lover looks like she's going to kill you and eat all of your babies. Yeah. She's like, she's like a nice vampire. She's like Jonathan Lipnicki in my vampire. Yes. A very sweet little adorable blonde vampire. Yes. He's not the first person to make vampires adorable, but she's the best. And also her. It's not always, it's only when they're interviewing her in that one outfit and they're putting orange light on her. So her eyes are orange and her hair is orange and her skin is orange. She just looks like, you know, a vampire trying to pretend they're not a vampire. Let's spray tan vampire. Truly an interview with a vampire. That would have been a funny book if it was interview with a vampire, but with someone like Julie. She's like, oh my God, New Orleans. It's like, I mean, so much is happening here. I'm going to package these baby feed balls. I'm going to call them PFPs. It's like a super food. It's made of like blood and just basically blood. It's just like coagulated human blood. And it's great. Keeps you through the day. I love it. A vampire yoga time. Oh, Julie. Okay. So this is her meeting, right? Yes. So this was Shark Tank. She goes to meet with her investors. And she basically, she's like, well, here's my work in progress business plan. And we're in 25 locations. So anyway, and here's my product. You're going to be like getting jubby with it. I've been taking this really seriously. I've written stuff on the back of a lot of napkins and then typed it down on a piece of paper. And I talked to Caroline Stansbury. You're like, the woman losing her business at the moment. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Huge business to lose, am I right? So excited. Jubby with it. When she said getting jubby with it, I almost fell down because she even did like cool hands. Yeah, she, she, she was, it was not a, not a shining moment for it. So good. It was, it was a shining Julie moment. And when she said, well, these other balls, there's other balls. I mean, our biggest competitors is bouncy balls. And people love bouncy balls. I mean, they're doing great. I mean, they're doing great. They're more through to Europe. But, you know, bouncy, bouncy, are so jubby here. I like to think that people who really like my jobs are sort of like jubby chasers, you know. And I think that we have really strong, you know, foundation for us. This is giving me a chubby. Well, you know, it's not going to make you chubby. That's for sure. Because these are healthy. Unless you want to be chubby. I mean, I don't want to say what you want to be or what you don't want to be. I mean, I'm sorry. I mean, I don't know. Here's a gift. I just want 1% of the business. That's right. That's all I want. No, please, I will not take any more. Please, please, don't give it to me. Oh, I can't take it. I made $20 today. Yeah, they're like, we will buy this business from you for $10 and 0% equity on your behalf. On your behalf. Well, that seems like a bad deal. Like me, I was thinking more like, you guys would get 10% equity and you guys would give me like $40,000? No. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Here's the $10. I'll take the $10. Okay. Great. Thanks. I will take that Starbucks gift card. Thank you. Okay. Bye, balls. Bye, balls. That drops. This is perfect because I am only like three coffees away from my free rewards. So it really worked out. I loved her over excited pitch. So cute. I actually like saying the American little things that she kept saying because she said, you're getting jubby with it. They're like, what? And then she said, I'm like the energizer bunny. We power things with Herod's double D's. Dummy. Yeah, haven't you ever seen our Herod's double D's? We don't have a rabbit with a drum. It's more like a toy soldier with a biscuit. Just tossing the biscuit over and over. I'm still biscating. Still biscating. My favorite commercial. I'm like, if you want to save these for later, you could just ice ice, baby. Am I right, guys? You can't touch this. Am I right? We don't understand. Is this like spacing up your life? Because that's more of our language. Mm. When these balls go to class, they're going to need some chop warmers. All right, guys. Robex, get it. Get it, guys? They're like, I'm sorry. Well, she's like, well, all right. It looks like this pitch is going in one direction. If you know what I'm saying, one direction. We love one direction. Yes. So all right. Welcome on board. Finally, something from this eon. We went. Do you know Harry Styles? England took the 80s off. We weren't here. We were gone for the 80s. [LAUGHTER] Did you see the picture of Justin Bieber's penis? I did, yes. Big dick. Oh, we talked about that. I was like, wait. I'm such an idiot. OK. I saw it in front of you. Darling. All right. So now we go to Sophie's birthday party, which is happening at the Mexican restaurant. And just side note, I feel like Mexican food in England must be weird, right? I feel like instead of cilantro, they use basil with everything. Yeah. So, like an enchilada is enchilada. We make it with cow's milk and some beef liver and some basil. And then we pour on some clotted cream on top and it's wrapped in scone. Yes. We have a full baked chicken stuffed with saffron and jelly wrapped in biscuit mix. And topped with busboy sauce. It's an actual busboy. We use galette dough. All right. And we chop up some minced meat and put some tomato on top and put it in the oven and add a little bit of cayenne at the end and call it a London enchilada. I like that it was day of the dead because it's Sophie. And I always like thinking of Sophie as kind of like a gaunt face town drunk. I'm just like her. I love what we saw her as that. So she's always that in my head. So that she had a big gigantic skull face hanging over everybody the whole time. It was just so beautiful and fitting and kind of adorable. Yeah. It was really with the giant skull drawing. It was really the image to sum up the entire series. Pretty much. Glittery school. And a little rock and roll. So Julie and Annabelle are traveling in a car together to this party. And Julie's like, well, here's my gift for Sophie. Oh, and here's a gift for Caroline. And Annabelle's like, what? And it made no sense. I guess maybe she wanted to give a gift to Caroline ostensibly to thank her for the investment and the advice because she, whatever, you know. But it made no sense. She was giving her like a let's make up gift. It was like, I was on Annabelle's side. She said, do you get it? Yeah, it's a it's my because what was it? If they weren't in a fight in olive branch. But what was it though? What was it that was a substitute? It was like a picture of like a marijuana leaf or something. Yeah, it was it was like a I know I forget what it was. She's like, get it. This is my olive branch. Oh, it's kale. Oh, it's like, hey, look, I got a t-shirt from Urban Outfitters. Yes, she's like, you're always calling me stupid. Look, I went to college. Kill college, get it. Caroline's like, I don't get it. I don't understand college puns that are from across the pond. I only know Oxford and Cambridge. Caroline was like, we're fine darling. We're fine. We weren't even in a fight. Now go find me a shot with $5 billion. I want to keep Valentina Fed. Otherwise, it's just say as I might otherwise without it. It's just typo, typo, typo, darling. Do you happen to know of a good waffle vendor? We have an issue with a personnel. But the thing is that's so professional. But here's the thing. Don't let it out, babe. Chinese dude. Here's why I'm making me unprofessional with your Chinese food. I'll take the whole menu. Bring it all in. Here's why Julie is crazy because Julie and Caroline weren't actually in a fight. You know, what they had the issue in New Year's. And then Caroline rescinded part of her apology. And then Julie was annoyed about it. And she talked about it with Annabelle. Annabelle was like, well, you should stand up to Caroline. And the reason Bennett was so dramatic is because they weren't in a fight. Annabelle is trying to make it a fight. Yeah, telling you, she's the villain. Because Julie first, like, you can't just let her talk to you like that. You must do it. And Julie even said it earlier in the episode, she's like, I'm confused because if I don't confront Caroline, then Annabelle's going to be disappointed in me. But if I do confront Caroline, I think Caroline's going to be mad at me. Julie is like, Julie should know. Julie should know. I mean, obviously Annabelle is setting her up because the British way is not to confront someone, you know? Like, the British way is just to brush it under the rug. That's why she can't do it. She's like, you're my mouthpiece, darling. You're my rock sand, I can't do it myself. Well, the thing is, it's just, the whole thing is bizarre. I mean, could you imagine if you're like, meeting up with someone and they give you a gift and they say, this is my olive branch. You're like, wait, were we in a fight? I mean, it's so bizarre. Yeah, it was all, it was all very dumb. You're on my serial note of Deja Barak. I mean you to be me. Just go in there and you tell her this. You're a cut fitness. I did not like that you blew my same boyfriend in high school. I hope you die, bitch. I'm going to cut you with a knife. Julie's like, I don't know if I can say those things. You can't, you can't. Come on, team, huddle up, huddle up, team. And then she was telling Julie yet, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid of Caroline? I would confront her. You shouldn't be, you shouldn't live in fear. Your children could be murdered at any moment. Kill her, kill her. So then Julie gives this gift to Caroline and then Julie yet sees this and Julie yet freaks out. She's like, wait, you asked me to stand up to Caroline. I don't understand what's happening here. I'm supposed to stand up for Caroline, but you're giving her like a sorry gift? That's, I'm sorry, that's just like, that's a crime. The one who's supposed to be kissing up to Caroline, not you. So then she's getting all crazy and worked up. So then she comes over and does like a fake strangle, which when Julia does a fake strangle, you know it doesn't feel fake. Yeah, you know there's that moment, especially if you have HSP, where you're standing there and someone starts strangling you. And there's just like a little trickle of P coming down Julie's leg. I know. And by the way, right before the strangulation, there were some really wonderful shots of Sophie in a beer hat, you know, lampooning American culture. If you will. And then there was a pinata, which resulted in Marissa nipple clamping Juliet's mouth shut, which I really enjoyed. But then yes, so then there was the strangulation. Yeah, so she walks up to her and gives her a fake. I'm just kidding. Why are you smiling? Oh, I'm just so happy to be here. Everything's great. Yeah, and then they have this confrontation. Hey, I've been, I've been more supportive of Caroline. No, I've been, I've been a better friend. Like we love each other. No, we love each other. No, we love each other. And then Annabelle's off in a corner. They cut to Annabelle and she's like, "Foin." Again. Alexander. Rock and roll. I could actually barely follow their fight because they were fighting. Juliet was mad at Julie, because Julie wanted Juliet to fight with Caroline. And then Julia, but Julia wanted Julia. I mean, it was like so like bizarrely meta and strange. They were being pitted against the same person. They realized that they had no cause to fight with this person. And then Julia turned it around, which Julia is hilarious. She still argues like a teenager, where it doesn't matter if you're right, just you win, like you say the last thing. So she'll start twisting it around and turning it. She's like, "Okay, well then, like, I'm sorry that like you were really furious with Caroline." And I'm really sorry that like you were so mad that Caroline like hurt your feelings at the thing and like made you cry and then like didn't see it. Like said, "I'm sorry." And then like not sorry. So like, "I'm sorry that you're furious." And she's like, "What? What?" And then she starts getting like, "Huh? Who really starts freaking Caroline here this?" Like she starts freaking out. So now they're both, she's used the same tactic and they're both like blubbering messes, worried about what fucking Caroline's gonna say to them. Exactly. I'm surprised that's good. I'm surprised Julia did not pull out her favorite line, which was, "So that makes me a bad person?" Is that what that is? That makes me a bad person? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, well, I'm sorry that you hate Caroline and I'm a terrible person. So I guess we'll just go like murder an entire race of people or something. So I guess we're not friends anymore, huh? I guess we're not friends anymore, right? I guess I'm just a terrible person because I like said something to you and then you said something to Caroline to Annabelle and then I got mad at it and then you got mad at me and then I thought you were gonna get mad at Caroline and then you didn't get mad. I guess that just makes me a bad person, right? So like, I know that you're like upset because it's really hurtful when you called Caroline fat and said that you were like glad she was losing our money and our business. It's like, "Oh no, girls, these girls are nuts." And then they cut to Caroline and she's like, "Just sly, like look at this, it's a t-shirt." Can you imagine? And then the other one off in the corner like, "Ugh, I should get you." Try again, boo-winkle lady. I know, Caroline's like, "I'm a kale t-shirt. I just, Pauline, take this t-shirt and let it be a reminder of what you should be eating instead of waffles." Our t-shirt's fattening, I guess we'll find out. Pauline, shred this and feed it to Valentina at Caroline. I don't want to have to do more dental work on her. Valentina, eat the kale t-shirt. Slowly, slowly, bad news, ma'am. Valentina's going to the hospital. She's eating with kale t-shirt. Good. The kale t-shirt a lesson. Ugh. So that was, oh no, that would happen. So then what happens is Juliette. Juliette don't retreat there as well. The sisters are smoking. They're like, "Oh darling, darling, smoking, smoking." And then she comes down and she's like, "Hi." Yeah, because Juliette has to make sure, she covers her base. She basically has to make sure she's still good with Caroline. So she goes out there and she's like, "Eh, just like crazy." You know, and Caroline's like, "I don't care. Like, I've already forgotten about it." And she's like, "That's why they call me the goldfish." Because I don't look back. I'm a goldfish, all right? Not like a little crack. I'm not a cracker. I don't think that's why they call you the goldfish. But I'll go with that because I like you. Yeah. Uh, but she's like got lips bigger than her face. And she's like, "That's why they called me the goldfish." I'm like, "No, you were the girl who was injecting her lips with Elmer's glue in boarding school and giving the best blowjobs less than I like." Swimmin' with Goldie Angus. Yeah. That's a commercial from when I was a little kid. So Sophie's like, "And that's why they called me the striped bass." I mean, I don't really understand why they call me a striped bass, but I just am one, so just accept it, all right? And you, what do we call, what do we call you? A flounder. You're just like a flounder. It's a big old... Juliet, you're a flounder. You're a big old flounder. Let's call her just the dumb American fish, don't we? How about this? Juliet, all right. I'm sea bass, all right? And Caroline's goldfish. So how about we call you sea cucumber, all right? You'll get us a cocktail cucumber. And I don't know if I like that. Well, what are you going to do about it? Nothing, that's right. Go, now, go get me some caca. That's when Caroline was saying like, "Darling, you just look, here's the lesson I want you to learn today, Juliet." I like that she never gets mad, she's just like, "You're an immediate." So this is the lesson you need to learn, Juliet. "Here's what I want you to walk away with this knowing. You're stupid, shut your mouth, thank you, the end. Clear heart attack, are you guys? You guys, thank you. I think that Marissa's mad at me. So shut up, darling, stop speaking." Here's what I think about you and Marissa. All right, shut up, go away. You know, I bet Caroline wishes that typewriter is still reused, because she probably loved getting to the end of the line and taking the thing and just sliding it to the left. Get out of here, start a new line. I'm ready to put you in the middle of the gift library, make you part of some sort of a bill, and then have you repossessed by the bank, darling. Be quiet. Julia, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to just take a bunch of pictures of you, make it into a book and send it out with the gift library as how not to live your life. Thank you, goodbye. How to drive over the poor person bridge every day without murdering yourself by the stupid American fish. How poor people act, the Juliet story. Goodbye. The time I forgave a poor person. Bad news, mum. The books aren't selling. Well, of course, they're not selling. Poor people don't read, and these are the books they need to be reading. Bad news, bad news, mum. Amazon Prime is late with your book. Hey, Gemma, that's great. It's just great. Repossess it. Repossess Amazon Prime. Bad news, mum. Haven't been able to sell any copies of that at the time. I'm a forgave a poor person. Well, why not? Turns out we didn't put it on Amazon Prime. Put it on the target website. No one buys books from Target. Well, but that's... Jesus. Pauline. That was a good job. All right, Amber, Reina, call Pauline to bring Amber in here. And then I want you to stand here and staple her in the forehead. Just keep stapling, mentally. And as she cries and asks, why, I just say, you don't know. Do it. Now, go. Bad news, mum. I told Valentina to release the book on Kendall and said she made kiddling of the book and burned them all up. Sorry, man. She was just trying to cook her pencil so she could eat it. And it would digest properly so she didn't end up in the hospital again, maybe more. Well, Pat, we're on the head for her responsibility and then slap her in the face for being fat. All right, darling. Clear. No more jelly tarts in your Christmas bonus. Goodbye. Mm. Amber's got blood on my chair. All right, Pauline, hire someone new. Let's try and man this time, Telling. Get him 50 computers. Tell the shots we're going to need 50 more computers, darling. I don't know why. Don't ask. Get me some jelly tarts. Little tarts. Jelly tarts will fix everything. Oh, what Pauline ate them. Pauline, get in here. Did you eat my jelly tarts? Oh, Jesus. Valentina throw Pauline in the Thames. Reconnecting with people in your life is so important and sending a holiday card is a meaningful way to do that, but it can be hard to know where to start. Shutterfly makes it so easy to share a custom card that's perfectly you. Shutterfly has a style for everyone. Find a card that reflects your vibe. No professional photos. No worries. Shutterfly multi-photo designs are great for candid photos, travel photos, or even school photos. I love the Shutterfly card feature because I'm so lazy about going to a store and getting a card for people. And so this way, I can just be on my phone. I can take a photo. I can upload it to Shutterfly. 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So next week, it looks like Michael-- there's a shot of what's her face, Caroline, giving Michael Sam a tour of London. I don't understand how that even happens. Is Michael Sam now? The gay football player. Oh. He's the one who's like, yeah, he's like the openly gay one. Then he was drafted, and now he's-- He was like a token draft. He was on the bench for one game, and then dropped. So-- Oh, that's not good. So he ended up not being a good football player. Yeah, but I mean, the thing is this, there are a lot of questions. Well, it's not that he wasn't a good football player, but the question is, were the football teams too homophobic to actually play him? Like, they drafted him because it made them look good as a team, but then they didn't actually play him. And so it was like this insincere thing. And if Michael Sam never came out of the closet, would he be playing? But then the thing is that he's gone through like a few different-- Like, he was on the Cowboys, then the Rams, and he was on the Canadian League, and then he dropped out of that. And then apparently there's like a little bit of drama that comes with him. And so it's not as simple as, well, they're just homophobic. So we don't know why things are going wrong with Michael Sam. Well, I would think that if they went to the effort, because you know it was one, to like get a gay guy on a team, that they would play him on purpose. If he was good, I don't think they would hold him back. I think he would know something like the only thing about football. I do know that I-- I remember that actually now that you're talking about it when he came out of the closet. And that was a big deal, and people are like, yeah, he's kind of cashing in, right? Am I right? Yeah, I think that was the issue, because then it was like training camp, and he was going to have a reality show filmed around him, and like Oprah's cameras were going to come through, and the teams were like not having that. So then they're like, no, no, no, we're going to cancel the reality show. You know, football locker rooms and teams are so conservative and adverse to any sort of attention that's not controlled. I mean, there is that show, Hard Knocks, where it's inside training camp, but that's like an NFL sanctioned reality show. But it's obnoxious to have somebody who's not even famous because of football, filming a reality show where you're trying to play fucking football. Like, that's just stupid. It was an interesting career, straight, you know, obnoxious. So I think that I'm on your team now, and I'm famous for a couple of weeks. So I got a reality show, it's like, oh, girl, no. Mal's not the time to win something first. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to blame him entirely because, you know, I'd like, you know, he's young and, you know, in his mind is probably like, yeah, I'm going to tell my story, I'm going to be helpful or whatever. But at the same time, he, and I don't want to blame him. If a team is being homophobic, then it's not his fault that they're being homophobic. But that being said, he then was on like, he then was on dancing with the stars and this and that. So I know he's got to capitalize on this situation. But at the same time, if he really wants to be in football, I don't know. I feel like he made a few missteps. Yeah, it's like the fame horror rat instead of the actual, like, be good at football rap. Exactly. And now he's on "Ladies of London." I don't know, I don't know how much of the problem is that he was a fame war and how much of it was the football teams were homophobic. But if you're unfolding with the stars and you have your own reality show to, like, you have the gall to try and have a reality show during your first season with a new professional team, you're a fame whore. Like, I don't care if the guy's gay or not. And I don't even know his story that much, except he's some, you know, now gay football player. But just from those things alone, from that evidence alone, I judge you a fame whore. Yeah. That's this mess. Batch. Batch. Yeah, I think, um, I mean, I do think the teams are homophobic for sure. But, um, yeah, that was, that's a little fame-horry. It's a little thing. Why do you say that? Why do you say that that you think the teams are homophobic for sure? Were there reports of them? Well, because it's football. It's football. Oh, because he was like, the thing is, he was like a top, he was a top, uh, defensive end. Like, he was one of the tops. But then the thing is this, though, he also didn't do so well. They get the first A position to a top. They always win in the end. I don't know. You know, the thing is there, there are so many things we'll never know about that situation. But I guess, you know, here's a good way to look at it. I don't know how much played into it that he underperformed during the scouting things and he underperformed, and, and that there is homophobia in football. But the last thing that he should have done was contribute to it by doing something fame-horry. Now, of course, he's doing these fame-horry things now because why not capitalize on a situation? He's clearly not going to be playing football. So have your moment, seize it. But now he's a star, you know? Now he's on "Lays of London" getting a tour with Caroline Sandberry, which by the way means, in my book, means he's made it. And he is too, I'm sure. So, you know, go for it. Have fun, man. Do whatever you want. If you're not, like, if you're not desperate to play, why do it anyway? Like, if your thing was being famous anyway, just be a fun, famous game. That's, that's good enough. It is. It is. But he's been going out lately. He's been making statements lately that the reason why he hasn't, that he's not playing football right now is because he's gay. He's been saying things like that, which, I mean, it could be true too. I mean, that's a, it's hard to, it's hard to know. But he's also like, but he shouldn't be, but when you say something like that. I don't like that because that makes something victimy that's not like, that's not going to make anyone want to hire you, by the way. You're not going to get hired onto anything like that when you say things like that. Yeah, exactly. And it's just annoying not to blame the victim. If he is, though, but why do you say it's the victim? Like, we assume he's the victim because he's a guy. No, meaning like, you know, when they say like, if he isn't playing because he's gay, he's a victim. Yeah, in this, yeah, exactly. Like, what you shouldn't be saying, you should be playing by their rules. If they're the ones, if they are excluding him because they're homophobic, and we're saying, well, you shouldn't be saying it. You should just play cool. You know, that's theoretically like not, that's not a proper way to approach the situation. But realistically, it's like in Hollywood, you know, if someone steals your idea, and you don't really have any power, you could try to, you could open up a lawsuit, but then you also are never going to work again. You know, it's like things like that. Yeah. I'm not conscious because when you're on a team, and look, I'm not into sports, but Lord knows I had to play plenty of them. And the coaches were pretty consistent about what a team is and not having one star on the team. That's why you don't, you know, the ones that do stand out and go on a zillion interviews and make a lot of trouble are kind of debags. But for the most part, they'll do their professional interview or whatever, but they're not fame-horry. You know, they make their money, and that's it. And so when you're part of a team, and then you try and burst out, like it doesn't matter if you're gay or whatever the hell your thing is, just you're part of a team. Football culture, yeah. Football culture is like gay things when he took a huge step forward, and I don't like seeing people get whiny up there. Unless there is something, unless they have been homophobic. I mean, that's a totally different thing, but. I think that football culture is very conservative, and it's very much like you pay your dues before you can do something flashy. And especially if you're a rookie and you're like an untested rookie and you're making waves, they just don't like that, you know? Even if their waves are good waves, good waves. They don't like any waves. They want it to be a still pool, very still. I mean football culture. I have some gay polys in there. Yes, gay football stuff. So speaking of waves, speaking of waves, look at that. I was like, what? Below deck in the water, you know, waves, water. I thought you were going to do a Yolanda New Wave haircut joke. I've better not take your crop limes, this earth is mine. So it opens with Rocky's voice, which I don't know why we don't really have a Rocky's voice, because she does have hair. That's distinctive. Maybe it's... No, previously I'm below deck. I can't even do it, but there's something weird there. Pull this little on the below deck. She's basically like Toya. So that killed me. And they were showing that I'm going to write him a huge letter, you guys. And of course it's all in caps, a huge letter. It's like literally, like on poster board. I know, it was like she's running a cue card. So we opened with a meal in Rocky, and everybody's standing around the kitchen really depressed, eating pizza. I don't know what's going on, but everyone's super sad. Sounds like my apartment, okay. And Amy, it's like silence. This pizza's real good in me, guys. Yay, pizza night with my friends. Anyone want to have pizza with me? Hey, y'all. So I know I'm on this side of the room, and you guys are on that side of the room, but just for the record, we're technically all eating pizza together. So I'm going to tell my friends back home, which I do have, that I'm having pizza with friends right now. You guys, this is so amazing. We are eating pizza together. We're playing the silent game. My family loves the silent game. Okay, whoever talks first leaves this, I live so I would leave this guy, guys. Guys, if you want to be best friends forever, just don't say anything, okay? Yay. Hey, if you're my best friend, look the other directions, start walking out of the room. All right, oh good, look at you. We're our best friends, thanks. So all the depressed boat people, the depressed boat mains go to jerk off in the dark or something. They're like miserable. And then a meal has kind of a weird, a meal moment. This guy has moments. I like them. Does anybody even teach him anything ever? Who teaches people to talk to women that way, or really anyone that way, but in this case, obviously, who talks to a woman that way? He's so gross. I hate how he talks to her. And now he's doing like the standoffish man thing. I'm just like, what? What? Say it, say it. Oh, I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, you could have just told me it's embarrassing. They rolled me a lead and you should have did everyone. It's so weird because it's like a meal is on this planet. And I'm like, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. I'm like on a planet. I'm like out into outer space. Like looking around for George Clooney. Could be alive. It could be alive. Do you ever notice how like Rocky and her interviews is always in the lower third of the frame? She's her head is always solo. It's like she's always crouching down and looking up like, ah, there's so much frame to fill with music. So let's see here. So they had the fight about the letter. And she's like, what? I just don't want to ever be with you ever. That's what I'm trying to say. And he's like, well, you I just don't understand. What? What are you trying to say? You don't do that to me. I've been trying to say it, dude. I don't like you. Yeah. But like the men on this show never get it. What? Yeah, I don't understand how she could have been any clearer. I mean, she said, I want you to start thinking of me as your sister. I mean, pretty clear. It's not like they're Lebanese. Yeah, darling. You know, if you're Lebanese, you could be like, well, hopefully she can have a child that I can one day marry. Just because we have a couple married cousins. They called the family when they had a family reunion. They got t-shirts made that said incest fest. So it's like a fun joke in the family. Oh, heartwarming hug. That's so heartwarming. Not nice. So speaking of inbred idiots. No, you're not idiots, guys. I don't mean that. But inbred. So let's move on to Dane and Emil. Yes. Oh, right. Well, another Emil moment. So then we cut to black and white security cam footage of them in their little bunk bed. And it's 5 a.m. And Dane is fighting with his girlfriend on the phone. And Emil does his typical confrontational thing where he goes, "Oh, I mean, could you really, oh, it's late." I mean, it's late. I mean, I'm sorry, mate. Sorry, mate. Oh, babe. I'm not cheating on you. No, babe. Like, no, I'm not. It's not true. All right. Late. Sorry, dude. It's just, I just want some sleep at all. Hey, babe. Hey, babe. Do you ever get the feeling that Dane isn't talking to a woman on the phone? He's talking to, like, a can of gas. Like, you know, it's just like something you'd find at a gas station. It's like, come on. I don't know. Some inanimate object. Totally. It's like a little pack of orbit on the table. Dude, why do you have to be so expensive? No, I'm not. So he was being annoying. And Emile is not getting any Vijay Jay. And Dane is probably going to steal the Vijay even while Emile is single. So Emile's super pissed. And he takes it out on his iPhone plug. And then I wrote down, you have to look at this time stamp for Dane getting out of bed to see how big his wiener is. It looks big. I have to say. I'll have to look it up and put it on our new Watch what Crapin's porn site. Yes. Where we take masturbatory scenes from Below Deck and other crappy shows. And we turn them into jerk off material for our audience. That would make a zillion dollars with that. Tons. Tons. That's where we go. OK, so anyway, it's kind of a dumb fight. OK, so then it moves into the Kate and Leon Wall. Well, yeah, well, yeah, because we know that we have we're getting new charters. Tracey and Mark are the charter guests. They're from Connecticut. I love they all that Kate, Leon, and like a kid in Eddie. They're all like making fun of these people from Connecticut as if they're like the most sweaty-twenty of all time. Yeah, they know. They do know. They do know. Those are two very white people. They understand. It's in the DNA to understand Connecticut people. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So yeah, I hope you enjoy your popped collar. She's like, may I bring you some croquet on a platter, sir? So they were very fun. I'm trying to see. So yeah, there was like a little sniping between Kate and Leon, and that's where their big war of the day started. Made war. Made war. Everybody get your prunes and your spatulas and let's see some blood. Blood fly. Because it starts because Captain Lee, whatever the piece, the packet they get about the guest says, says that these people from Connecticut are foodies. They're big foodies. They just don't. They're white people and they just nibble on things. So I want 19 entrees a day. They call it a tasting menu. And those are the rules. All right? 19. I'd make 21 just to be sure. Rules. No socks. Rules. And Leon's like, oh, since-- I'm like, oh, god. I can't-- like, I've got so many accents going between British. I was like, how can I even do an Irish accent? He's like, oh, I'm going to have some fun with the food. I'm going to have-- Oh, I have some fun with this one. We're going to have a lot of fun with the food. We're going to put the little miniature sombreros. On the-- I know I'm doing Australian. I'm sorry. That is kind of what he is. No, he's like-- He's like, he's like, ah, I've got to put some sombreros on the-- put some sombreros on the beef cheeks. That's what we're going to do. Yeah. Kate was like, oh, you're going to have fun with it. So does that mean you're going to juggle the beef cheeks? Are you going to play card games with the beef cheeks? Are you going to play canasta with the beef cheeks? Maybe not. That requires a little bit too much preparation because you have to get a deck of cards out. Well, it's white people. So you could do in a full orchestra presentation with the beef cheeks. How about some beef cheeks with a side of beef cheeks? I don't put a little cocktail umbrella in there because he wants to have fun with it. Sounds like a great plan, Leon. I think that's great. He's like, I don't give a fuck what you think. You're a stupid woman. Oh, I don't like you. Don't like it at all. All right. He is such a big baby. God, this guy. So should we go in like direct order with this show or just talk about the main things? Because it was mainly like the fight. I have a lot of notes. Okay, let's go for it. Go all mean. So then all right. So next Amy sees a picture of the guests. She's like, oh, they look like a cute couple. I could just imagine Amy with just brimming with jealousy. Like, I want to look cute with someone. Hey, horseshoe, come take a picture with me. Let's be a cute couple to get a horseshoe crab. No one has ever tried to tie sweaters around their necks to match the sweater around my neck. And that would just be so cute. Well, one time somebody tried, but he was trying to strangle me. I mean, seriously, you guys drunk guys. Drunk guys and parts in my right. Hi, y'all. I'm going to take a picture with this seahorse over here. And we're going to look real cute together. We got matching sweaters. Hey, sweet horse, where'd you go? Oh, seahorse swimming away. Y'all well. I couldn't find a seahorse size sweater anyway. I said, buy seahorse. You'll always be in my heart. He's probably just sinking to the bottle of water. I mean, that thing doesn't even have fins. It's not really even a horse, but that's between you and me. Leaving up to me to date a guy without fins. So then, oh, so then Leon is talking about Dane. Because Dane has the girlfriend. He's like, oh, Dan's like, what a dirty dog. And then the point is that he's just talking. You mentioned to Rocky that Dane has a girlfriend. And Rocky gets upset. Rocky's like, he never mentioned to me that he had a girlfriend. So now Rocky hates him. Because now Rocky is jealous and angry. Yeah. And then they have girl time. And I guess that's when she finds us out when she's with Kate and Amy in bed talking. And it has to be annoying to the other girls that... Wait, is this right? Wait, hold on. Am I skipping? Damn it. It is. I've got 20 pages of this. I'm skipping. I'll make the font larger, Bean. So, but anyway, yeah. So Rocky is not about Dane at this moment. So then the people come on. These very waspy people. Sure enough with sweaters tied around their shoulders. And then it's just more of... I have a note that says five minutes of, we're just going to have fun with the food. Which is, I'm just imagining Leon just telling everyone what to kill. Great news everyone today. We're just going to have some fun with the food. Fun with the food today. Fun food day. All right, team. Everybody having fun? And then they... Yeah, okay. So I'm going through a minute. So they have this tasting menu. He's going to have fun with it. They can't tell who's married to who. The boat tour. I always love the boat tour. Welcome to Liberace's butt sex room. Before you came out of the closet, we'll add the pink for the next decade. Here's a pattern. Here is the master suite. It's got a panoramic view of the bow. But of course, we're not going to show you that because we're going to close the curtain. So you fall asleep as soon as possible and say a sleep all day long. We're going to wait on your stupid asses. So enjoy the view while I have it. Okay, the curtain's closing. Your sheets have been ironed by a terrible musical. So that should be comfortable for you. Now if we support theater in Connecticut... Connecticut. The last time we went on a yacht, it was shipwrecked. Oh, can you imagine? Look, we have our guests. We have our guests in our state room, dear. Don't get too comfortable guests. Well, I thought I'd check out your state room before I was banished to the poor people quarters. Like the white people humor was killing me this episode. Loved it. So then they all go out on lobster fishing. Well, really only one person with lobster fishing. Like it's basically the young kid, like the teenager or whatever. She went lobster fishing and the rest of sat on this little boat waiting for them to come back. And then a storm came through. So the the wasps got rained on, which they were not happy about. And they can say what they want about Dane. I know that nobody's really liking him, but you know, Dane does know how to relate to the whitest people in the world. When the storm starts, he goes, "Let's make like flamingos and get the flock out of here." They're like, "Oh, this little new cane and humor for you." You go, boy. So anchor watch. We got to watch the anchor because there's a storm, my bro. Oh, it's going through water. We're crashing through those waves. Someone's mopping the floor. And then that swiffer needs to be changed. So like, let's put on the least experienced person who is the most unreliable, who keeps crashing jet skis. Let's put him on anchor watch. Sounds like a great idea. Well, I'm not sure about Dane on anchor watch because you got to stay alert. And I'm not sure if he can stay alert. And then it cuts to Dane, dancing around the kitchen with his mouth full of a sandwich, air drumming a Huey Louis song. Yeah. So, um, so in the meantime, before Dane gets up to anchor watch, sure, then Leon makes dinner, which actually looks really good. It's like a truffle cauliflower soup. And guess what? He serves lobster tail and beef cheeks. Beef cheeks, beef cheeks. This is worse than Jamie on top chef serving prawn. I mean, scallops. This is beef cheek, beef cheek, beef cheek. Yep. And I also like that everything you've served on those rounded square plates. Like they're rounded up, like a bowl, like a sushi. Yeah, like we're a plate, but we're going to be a bowl. And they're that really thick frosted glass that's rippled on the outside from like, I don't know, the JCPenney, you know, sale in the 80s. A side, but behind that shit when I was hiding from my mother, I remember those plates. And he's like, look, it's art. On a curved, on a rounded square, textured plate. Have fun with it. Beef cheek, beef cheek on a, on a, on a rounded square plate. Looks modern. You can't see it under the gravy, but this beef cheek is smiling right now with these modern plates. It's going to be served to you by rocky, home wrecker, home wrecker, rocky. Get it? Because she's a home wrecker, because she likes staying, and Dean has a girlfriend. She's a home wrecker, home wrecker, rocky. I'm Leon. I have fun. I make fun jokes. I have fun with the food. Fun food. I like to present fun food. Don't ask anything else. Just say it. You know what makes this food fun? It's not served on a circular plate or square plate. Served on a square circular plate. Fun food. And then they love his soup or they loved his, I guess this was before the beef cheeks, but they love the soup and more white, white people humor when the guy says this soup is delicious. We need a bell. May I request a bell? And then they all look because that could be a serious request. Yeah. And he's like, so I could ring for some more soup? They're like, oh, god, ordering around poor people, folks. You were too much. Too much. They're like, oh, real cut up there. They're like, by the way, tomorrow night for dinner, could we have some steak? He was like, sure, I'll order it in 24 hours. No. So then-- Well, I'm always the one to order the birthday cake at the office because I have something funny food on it. I'm that guy. I sometimes put on a candle that's in the shape of a number. So then it's anchor watch and they're like, OK, Dane, all you have to do is watch this and don't fall asleep. Whatever you do, don't fall asleep. I was like, this is the worst installment of Nightmare in Elm Street I've ever seen. Freddy is in the anchor. You're actually rooting for Freddy in the-- Yeah. Like, ill the bitch. Freddy, even Freddy's like, oh, no. I'm not getting on this stupid yacht. They showed one of the people going to bed around anchor watch time, one of the guests, and they go into this room and the doors are made out of an etched glass with a really bad tree. And I thought, you know, this network really knows how to complement. It shows. You know, it's like a theme. They have little things that go on each season, like almost cancer, whatever, bad trees. It can even go down to a bad etched tree drawing on an 80s boat. That's good. You know, there's more art here than people give it credit for. Broad hearts. Yeah. There's a lot of things happening on this boat. You know, a lot of layers, a lot of layers, a lot of layers, a lot of layers in that etch and that glass etching guys. Yeah. You know that Heather's sitting at home watching this like, oh, I suppose you hate that one too, Terry, huh? Hi, Terry. It doesn't have any representations of our children on it. It's probably how we'd like it. I mean, my art. That was my art. So, yeah. You know, the only thing missing from this boat are, you know, lavender highlights, you know, in the nooks of the walls, you know, little neon lavender highlights. That would have really changed the next level. Really made it look like sir or pump. It's missing a giant chef cookie jar from Ross. Yeah. It's missing a giant circular window. I mean, they've got little portholes, but that's not the same. Oh, yeah. One of those giant ones that you read books in front of. Yes. They're like, this is the reading sun window. Like, oh, you're helping your mind while you give yourself skin cancer. Need some Memphis design furniture in there. So, isn't that what that style is called? That 80s blocky. I don't know, but I like it. Memphis. I think it's called Memphis. It's a color blocked geometric, like triangles and squares and strange grid patterns. Anyway, just no more ombre. Am I right, guys? Am I right? And so then at 1.15 a.m. Dane goes out to the kitchen. He's leaving his post. Dane never leave your post. He goes to the kitchen and he's like, he starts bragging about how good he is at anchor watch. They're all just staring at him like, you realize you're not doing it at this very moment. You're not. What are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be on anchor watch? Does this mean that we're friends that you'd rather not do anchor watch? You'd rather hang out with me all day. Oh, Amy is totally turned off by people who don't follow rules. Like that is, I would hire that girl in a second. Yeah, and she's classic. Something about her mouth shot. Yeah, well, she sort of smiles. And it's like, that's great, Dane. You're not doing your job. Well, are you? Are you getting a little face back up there? Hey, Dane, I want you to put yourself in the anchor's position. Okay, do you feel like that anchor? Okay, girl, snug at the bottom of the ocean. Okay. Now, are you alone, anchor? Is somebody watching you? Is somebody watching you anchor? No. Now, Dane, go back up there and make the anchor feel better. How are you? I'll just be here in the kitchen all night long, opening bottles of wine and saying, cheers. Anchor hugs. Go back up there and give that anchor anchor hugs. Come on. Get up there. Some people just need a little push to feel. Well, so I thought there was going to be a disaster next. But look, I guess anchor watch went over. All right. Why would you think that? Because they kept showing the empty state room. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Dane's walking the real room. The real room. Yeah. Talking to people. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun. Hey, guys. Dang. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. He walks back up the stairs and then sits down. Yeah. And it's over. It's pretty much all that. Next drama. Blue take drama is actually hilarious because it never turns into anything. So, um, it's always like, uh-oh, pulling into dock. It's going to be windy. We're going to hit the dock and get the fenders out. Get the fenders. Where is the fender? We need the roll. We need more slack. We need more slack. All right. Good job, everyone. Dun, dun, dun, dun. At one point, the-- I wrote down the note. I refuse to write about somebody parking. Because it was-- It was. It was like a five minute segment of that. Dun, dun, dun. Every week. Going into dock, guys. And I was like, no. You are not going to transcribe the parking experience. OK. But you know what's funny is that every week I fall for it. I always get a little nervous. I'm like, uh-oh. But nothing ever happens. So, um, so then it's the next day. And Leon's on the phone with the mainland. And he's getting provisions. And so, uh, I'm like, you know something bad's going to happen. Because he's-- because they've requested a chasing menu. And he's calling for provisions. He says, you know, he's like, it's hard sometimes. I'm sorry. I can't stop doing Australian actions. He's like, he's-- he's like, ah, I'm Irish. I'm Irish. And you know, it's hard sometimes to get the provisions from the mainland. [LAUGHS] And God didn't-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] I think he wanted-- what am I supposed to do? Has brilliant supposed to work? Oh, I'm going to get on the phone. And then it was another day of ordering things drama. Yeah. This is my new thing. Because first it was Kate, and now it's him. And this is my new favorite drama. It's-- it's going to be a new bravo spin-off. Like, waiters and-- and maids weren't enough. So now we're going to see people waiting from the time they order their dominoes until the time it actually gets there. That's going to be an entire spin-off. Like, what's going through the dominoes delivery guys' head? Well, someone else is waiting on the phone. Exactly. So the thing is that we know something bad's going to happen, because he's like, yeah, you never know what's going to hit, but you never know what you're going to get. So we know it's going to lead to bad things. We know this tasting may go awry. So anyway, while we feel a certain amount of dread about that, then there's more dread to be had elsewhere in the yacht, because one of the charter guests gets onto a jet ski and immediately runs over his own line and it gets sucked into a propeller and he breaks everything. And then Dane goes out, and then they have to, like, Dane has to, like, fix it, and then Dane goes out, and then he crashes the jet ski into the yacht. That was hilarious. And Kathleen's like, god damn it. That's the thrill, you idiot. God damn it. No, get the moron. Get the line out from underneath the mirror. God damn, God damn. And you've got Alex P. Keaton being helpful as ever. He's just standing there over it going, you ran over the line, you ran over it. Like, I'm going to watch you intently and judge mentally until you feel terrible. God, dude, good job. Good job there. Good disappointment there, Alex P. Um, so now the provisions finally arrive. I think I skipped over some stuff, but it was mainly just, you know, jet ski. It's definitely on fight. Sunset, hot tub. Rocky makes rocky specials for the guests. Uncooked chicken and kale. How am I supposed to shine with shit? Okay, yeah, so everything gets there. And they're trying these, the widest people ever getting nervous. Well, it's not just that they're getting nervous, but because Leon's provision, so Leon's provisions don't arrive to like 6.30. And the thing is that Kate is trying to put together, they're all trying to put together the dinners. They need to know what dishes need to be cleaned and ready, and Kate has to write up a menu, which is an important part of the process. And actually the guy who is like the head charter guest, he's like into this whole process. He like, uh, you know, he's going over the, trying to go over the menu with Kate, all this stuff. But it's all, nothing could be done, because Leon doesn't know what he's going to make, because he doesn't know what his provisions are. And Kate is losing her shit, because she keeps being like, well, you know, someone who works on a yacht would order the provisions right away. And you wouldn't wait until the last second. So things are slowly falling apart around this entire dinner process. And it's actually, it's actually like pretty stressful, because you can just sort of see the domino effect. And Leon's complaining, because his, his lamb and his, all his meats are frozen. He's like, well, I can't do anything with this. I'm like, if he's not totally used to making, using frozen food for his work. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, you realize all you have to do is put it in a bowl of warm water within an hour. It'll be thought. That's how you do it. That's how you thaw something quickly, just an hour. Well, he's not even a good Walmart chef, because at least at Walmart, there's a menu. And it's posted above the counter. So this may, this may all be out of Leon's expertise, because he previously has only cooked in Costco kitchens for the same. Because you know, that's what he, that's probably what his experience was, is like making the little samples. He's like, he had the eye on the vacuum aisle, making little provolone samples. I've got a lot of people in elastic and plaid waiting for these pigs in a blanket. How am I supposed to serve these when they're frozen? I can't make gold out of shit, Costco. Would anyone like a sample of silk chocolate milk? I think you'd like it. I had a lot of fun making the sample for you. It was frozen, but thankfully we have a blow dryer. I like that Amy is trying to make everything less tense by playing with one of the frogs. Frogs are about to be made into frog legs. She's playing with the lower half of the frog's body. Look everybody, the frog is dancing. Dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing. Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift, dance, dancing. Drink a diet, cook, Taylor Swift. I love her you got. Leon's just staring at her like this. It's why I don't FaceTime my children. They're morons. She's like, guys, look, I've got a fake frog friend, squad goals. And then people got in some kind of weird argument that they're too stupid for me to understand what they're talking about because it was Rocky and Dane. And Rocky's getting staked and she's like, oh, staked. I prayed and got listened. And Dane goes, yeah, but doesn't everybody listen to you? Cause like, ooh, you better watch out if you don't listen to Rocky. Yeah, weird. And Rocky was like, oh, something. Well, it was funny because Rocky was like all snippy with him and all mad. And she was like, you know, he, Danny could just turn on this attitude. And he didn't really have that much attitude. She was just pissed because she was just still pissed about that girlfriend thing. She's like, oh, fuck. It's not just angry. Like, you want to come at me? Come on. Then come on at me then. Meals like, oh, come on. You get it. Get it. What? What is the name we talk to me? So then the disaster just continued to snowball because the guests wanted to eat. And Amy was still set in the type of putting on her little decorative stones. And then there were no menus. And they guess we're getting hangry. And then it was done, done, done, done. Were Microsoft were drama. Done, done, done, done. And then you see Kate, like, double spacing something. And it's like, done, done, done, done. It's like, left justifier, full justify, left justifier, full justify. She's like, select all. Select all. Bold, bold, bold, bold, bold. This is what you do on a yacht. You don't want to cruise ship. All they do is just, they just go to print shop and they just print it all out. One, one size font. But no, we use Helvetica, Helvetica. We use Times. We use 12 point. We use 18 points. We use italics. We use bold. We use Underline. At the yacht, all they do is turn around and upside down smile and write on it with one of those erasable markers that's made for a board that they don't even sell. So then the quail arrives and the quail doesn't have its wine pairing. And Captain Lee doesn't love the food. So everything is just a huge disaster. But the guests still enjoy the food. And then at the end of the night, Leon decides to go up there to say hi to the guests. And he doesn't put on his chef's coat. I love it that it's always Amy pointing it out. Hey, he's not wearing his chef's coat. I'm wearing a chef's coat. I'm just, oh. Are they supposed to know who he is? We are color coded like things in a binder. You cannot just walk around and file. And that's when Kate really loses it. She's like, I am over everything about this human. I'm over his attitude. I'm over his t-shirt. I'm over his moves. Just everything. I hate his eyes. I hate his nose. I've never hated a boob crease before today. And then the chef. Okay, now the chef is just, even though Kate is visibly pissed and they don't like each other, she does, except for the time she goes off when she knows she's probably listening in the hallway. There are times when she acts. I'm not saying she's perfect or whatever, but he's just being, I don't think he would ever speak to a man like this ever. No, never. No, and I hate calling randomly sexist and blah, blah, blah. But he's really going over the top and she's been pretty professional. Well, she was, she was pretty passive aggressive at this point when she was like, so Leon, did you not have your chef's, was your chef's jacket unavailable? Do you not have a chef's jacket? He's like, oh, I did. I do. She's like, and you weren't able to wear it because I didn't feel like wearing it. And she was just like really, she was being very passive aggressive, for sure. But he's wrong. He is a big baby. He is very stubborn. And he was saying the reason why he got his provision so late was because he only found that they wanted to do a tasting dinner the night before and therefore, and they didn't request everything they wanted. They didn't request in their dossier. And Kate's argument was they said they are foodies and they want, and that he's going to play with the food. So why does he wait until Saturday to get the food? He should have figured it all out beforehand, which is, she's right. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, mid-fight. Totally. Mid-fight. And I, he like both the shopping. She's like, I think you should have thought about a list. Have you never learned to make a list chef? Do they not teach that in the aisle seven of the soap department, where you probably were sweeping up little bits of hair that were left at the Walmart? So yeah, she is being snippy, but I think there's a difference between, well, obviously, it's not, I think there's a difference between passive aggressive and just aggressive aggressive. And if he was passive aggressive back, I guess, but he's just being aggressive. Like it's gross. He got really gross at one point. And it's not all the time, but in this scene, he really. Well, well, because then he's like, Kate, he's like, Kate, do you like me? Do you like me? And she's like, I like your commitment and your passion at this moment, which made me LOL. It's such a, like, uh, I don't know. I don't know how you describe it. It's a, it's a. Restrained. It's a hammer in the face compliment. Yeah, passive aggressive. It was just so rare. He's like, he's like, because I don't like you very much at all. I don't like, I like your one bit. One bit. I don't like you. Why don't you go talk about me? Oh, I'm not a good chef. Oh, really? So I'm not a good chef. Oh, well, that's what you said. So why don't you go say it some more? Go talk about how I'm not a good chef. All right. That's it. I don't need to listen to you. Ah, just get out of here. I don't need to listen. I don't need to look at you. I don't want to see your face. Get out. It's like, OK, enough. And then after when they were talking in the other room, and he just wouldn't leave. He just kept berating her. And then even when the captain, my captain came in. It's like, hey, guys, anybody else's feet feel a little wet? He comes in and she's just sitting there taking it from him. And he doesn't, he's not only not deterred, but he turns back around to give her more shit. He's like, well, what are you looking at? The captain falls. You think he's going to say, if you're not talking to the captain, I'm not talking to you. Look at me. Look at me when I talk to you. And she's just looking like, you know, no one likes being berated like that in front of anybody, really. So she got kind of upset. I mean, for her, you know, for an ice queen, she was kind of upset. And he's like, are you OK, honey? She's like, well, this just validates everything I was saying. She was a little shaken, but that guy's a dick. And thank god we know he's gone soon. Probably with your stupid acting like you've never seen frozen food before, except last week or two weeks ago, when they didn't know how to open something from the fucking sea. They made it seem like Ben was going to be back this episode. But no, I guess not. They've been really screwing with us without coming up on Below Deck. They keep on putting stuff that doesn't show up on the episodes. But so then, anyway, the charter guests leave-- it's a good-- excuse me, I just spoke. It was a good charter. They get their tip. And because this crew has been doing such a good job, the owner of the boat says, take a day off from work. Take a day off. Go enjoy yourself at a resort. So on the day off, that's when all the ladies get together in the bed. And Rocky's like, do you believe in fairy tales? And Amy's like, yay, we all friends. We're all sitting on a bed like the slumber party. I always knew we could be. It's so nice to have friends. Hey, where'd everyone go? Bummy, you should bring that up. I love fairy tales. I was like Cinderella. Except I never finished up peeking out the rush from the fireplace. So I never got to go to the ball. Have you been? Tell me what it was like. So then, at night, Captain Lee yells at Dane. He's like, wow, I don't mind if you don't know how to do a job. But be honest, I don't know how to do a job. Dane's like, I don't understand. Well, you can see it when you look at his eyes. The lights are on and nobody's home. That's one of the dumbest people I've ever seen him. I goddamn like-- It's true. And then Eddie starts to sex Rocky a little bit. He's like, hey there, let's bone. There's something like that. Wait, who was sexing her? It was Alex P. Keaton, right? Yeah, yeah. So yeah, he's texting her, and his flirt is very, very funny. Hey, hey, if you stop going to sleep so early on prick night, you might get some stress relief. And then he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm like, and this is helping me back in his bed, like smiling at his own text. She's like, what? This guy didn't offer to sperm my face. This is like the most romantic guy on the boat. I'm going to write him a letter. And then then we were privileged enough to see Connie get naked again, this time with peanut butter on her boobs. I'm like, this is-- I don't want to see this. I don't want this to be a weekly thing with Connie. She's so funny, like the newest thing she can put on her boobs. She's like, Connie like peanut butter. Peanut butter, make Connie happy. It won't wash off in the water. You know, I hope sharks don't like peanut butter. I guess we're about to find out. Let's food all over themselves and then jump. She's like, we ran out of peanut butter. Connie like beef cheeks. I'm jumping into the water with beef cheeks tape to her. Bitch will be dead. Watch me in the conch, jump in with Delling. We want four episodes later. They'll be like, hey, does anyone notice that Connie's missing? Really? I thought she was here all this time. I know she's here. It's peanut butter, it's so weird. Oh, that's weird. I always forget about Connie, don't I? So then the episode ends with Dean just getting wasted. He just decides to drink by himself for some reason, to celebrate something or another. And he just gets wasted, wasted, wasted. And he gets slurring. He gets slurring, comfortably angry, crazy, unmanaged. Alone, he gets wasted alone. Yeah, that's, I like when she, who said that, Amy? Oh no, she, I don't remember. I think Amy said it. She's like, no Kate did, she said. He's not only drinking, he's drinking alone at work. Yeah, and he's new. And then just, and he's new, and he's new, yeah. And then the greatest offenses committed. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. He spills a little beer on the floor. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Like you're making a maid, making a mess. Next week, we watch a maid get burned at the stake. Yeah, you don't want to be making a mess on a maid's off time. Yeah, she's like, that's, that's, that may be a symptom. And then Rocky comes out, yes. And bikini t-shirts are also a symptom. Please go to bed. And he's like, oh yeah, what? I'm going to bed. Well, thanks good for running. The men can clear a room. Yeah, exactly, it's, yeah. You just farted for much less, much less. So that was the end of that one. So next week, we get to see this guy get drunk again. Yeah, it's more fun. And then Alex P gets in his face, and like pushes him. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. Oh, we assume it's next week, or it could be in three weeks, because we never know these previews anymore. Yeah, who knows? Yeah, tricky preview makers. Tricky, tricky. Every time someone goes up to the captain's room, I'm thinking he's going to, yeah, you're sure a Southwest ticket home, and you're in boarding group C. Good luck with that, buddy. But he never does. Never. All right, everyone. Well, thanks for getting through this kooky podcast. You can find us, watchacrapins.com, on our social media, on Facebook, facebook.com/watchmorecrapins, and you can support us on patreon, patreon.com/watchmorecrapins, and you get access to our bonus episode, and monthly, and we'll hang out, spring coats, other kinds of stuff. Thank you. It's set. It's set. So thanks everyone for listening, and we will talk to you all next week. Bye, everybody. If you like Watch What Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey. 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