Is it just me or is TV gotten really complicated? Thankfully, Fylo has changed that for me, one service, all the stuff I need. Fylo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss, live on networks like A&E, Paramount, Discovery, and TLC. Classics like The Office, Martin, and Friends that I never get sick of, and all the incredible originals on AMC+ from Mad Men Hello to Orphan Black. And don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and re-watch anytime for a whole year. Never miss a minute of shows like The Golden Girls, you know I'm always watching The Golden Girls, and Fylo has it. Best of all, with Fylo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contract, no hassles. Just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Fylo.tv and check it out for a free seven-day trial. That's p-h-i-l-o.tv to start watching. This time of year is busy, family obligations, holiday parties, travel, relaxation might fall to the bottom of your priority list. You guys, you need to take time to relax, and you need to be somewhere where there's soft white sand healing crystal blue water cloudless skies. We know where that place is. Aruba! Shake off any cold weather blues, and enjoy the island's invigorating sunshine. Aruba has the most sunny days anywhere in the Caribbean. I promise you, this trip is going to be at least 10 times better than the trip to Aaron's Hampton's home on Real Housewives of New York, but that doesn't take much. I mean, it doesn't even compare. Aruba is a geeky gorgeous. Please always choose Aruba over Aaron's home. We know you can't stay on vacation forever, but a trip to Aruba, honestly, it just never ends. Because the happiness and relaxation you feel in your bones, it just stays with you. Book your trip today at aruba.com. Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere using your phone or tablet. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium subscribers, Jessica Halford Porter, Christy Doherty, and Claudia Catalina. We love you girls. Now on with the show. Hello, and welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcast, the podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Bravo, Armani Karam from Trash Talk TV. And as usual, I'm here with Ben Mantleker, the lovely, gorgeous, talented, beautifully poured, evenly waxed. Ben Mantleker from the beside the law, hello, Ben. Oh, well, I'm sorry I missed that. I was underwater in my baptism. Oh, Ben, did you have a couple drinks first in a limo? No, but I did make the error of squinting my eyes, and therefore my makeup has run everywhere. Thank you guys so much for listening. Another week, another crazy episode or two of Bravo to talk about. Come to our Facebook page, facebook.com/watch what Crapins. If you want to talk to us during the week and comment during live show threads, and post your own articles, we're laughing a lot at that page lately. We've got a new Vine page. We're on Twitter. Come to watch what Crapins.com for all the links. Thank you to everybody who's supporting us on patreon.com/watch what Crapins. That's where you can go and subscribe to bonus episodes, which we just recorded a good, but hour. Yeah, 45 minutes. 45 to an hour. It was an interesting one. Yeah, we could. Yeah, we talked about someone pooping in a target, people with disrespect towards humanity, getting bad things or having bad things happen to them. Yeah, we got into it. We got deep. We actually got deep about our process. Psychology. And what do we mean when do we hurt people? It's all there. It's very special. Watch what Crapins both is from Australia. It's right. Sponsored by tape luncheon. Yeah, so thank you. The bonus episodes are there. There's ringtones. There's a really good Valentina ringtone this month. Valentina, we'll have a Google Hangouts in a couple weeks, which is a live video chat. So anyway, go to patreon.com/watchitcrapins. And thank you so much to everybody who does it. And thanks to our premium subscribers. Yeah, we have three now. Three subscribers. Yes, it's so exciting. So cool. So you know, I promised I was going to stop saying, and I'm starting with. It's OK. Well, what I was going to say about our Facebook page is that, you know, everyone, as you mentioned, everyone posts all sorts of funny things. I think about my favorite thing that was posted in the past week, perhaps past month, came from our listener, Sarah Prophet. So I said, I correctly profit, profit, profit, because there's a lot of F's and T's in there. Sarah Prophet, she found a website, the website of the composer, Alan Lazar, I believe his name. He's the one who composes all the music for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Orange County. And he has tracks of all the stuff he's composed. And it is absolutely amazing. And I'm especially happy because I think I've been able to find the, quote unquote, coconut music that I always refer to whenever Brooks is talking about his cancer and the producers play stupid music. There are a bunch of tracks that could qualify. A lot of the tracks actually sound the same. But the one that I believe sounds most like it is called No Good Husband. And this is what it sounds like. It's like, well, I'll have cancer. It's a wacky mystery, it's wacky mystery. Actually, you know what? There's another one that was really good that is even more coconut music. That one is actually more wacky. I think it's, is it perhaps? Yeah, that one's like Vicki, is it a petting zoo? And she's like, I love animals. Yeah, this one is called Bouncy Beautiful. This might be more appropriate. Sounds a little like Daito, to be honest. Yes. Yeah, this is, I mean, we've all heard this one. Oh my gosh. Actually, this is what I would see is more like Vicki is making. We're making songs out of all of these by the way. We need to make these with the ballads. And then the other one. Play the band, play the band. Well, there's one called Blonde Liberation, which is also very coconut music for Brooks. Here we go. Okay. Yeah, there, it's at that, that's a ton ton ton ton. Okay, this is, this is very much like, well, I went down to Newport, imaging and got myself a sandwich from the vending machine and they did a scan on me too. They have a scanning machine and a new polling machine. So now what's also funny is that some of these tracks actually are named for some of the women. So this one is called Heather loses it. Okay. Yes. It's like images of onion rings. Ribbon on my cake. I'd like to say I, I feel like this made a debut around a cake gate. Yes. Who, Terry, who put the ribbon, who broke the ribbon of the cake? She's got a crumb on her face. I would like you to leave right now. Now let's see if you, can you guess the name of this one? This one's named after one of the housewives. Okay. Okay. Could you play it for a little bit and then you say what you think the name is. Okay. I'm sneaking into Jesus's heart. Okay. This is Megan Justice. No, you're actually very close. It's called sneaky Tamara. Tamara was my first thought. I was going to say Tamara was sneaking into Jesus's heart. Okay. Here's another one. Guess the name. Guess what this one's name? Name of this one is. I don't look at the lists. Okay. I don't see a list. This is named after one of the world girl. Big use fist. She's coming. All you. And I know this. She's going to turn you into a retail. And then know a passport. This one is actually called. That one was actually called Tamara goes nuclear. This fella says Tamara. Okay. And then here's another one. Another one for you to guess. Okay. Okay. We've all heard this one. This is a classic one. Lunch to discuss whether Tamara's telling the truth or not. What's more fat mean? A steak with a lettuce. David, I just don't know this. Top worst, David. Do you think it looks good? The straight year. I don't know. It's such a beautiful day, man. There's a sunset costume captured in that outfit. I didn't bring the cream. That one's actually called. Totally Tamara. So basically they're all named after Tamara except for. Oh wait, here's one. Here's one that's not named after Tamara. But it could be it's it's someone who is no longer on the show. Someone who's no longer on the show. However. That's kind of business. And she's not going to stand in my way. I love there's always like a there's like some sort of xylophone vibraphone action on everyone's tracks. I'm like imagining a full orchestra. I'm like the helicopter from Miss Saigon coming down. Tamara's got proof in her hands. That one was called. Alexis tries to learn lines. No, that one was called the devil in Tamara. I feel like this one this one's called slippery slope. I feel like this one's probably Alexis tries to learn lines. Let's see. Yeah. There is a fire and seven people were caught in the boat. Oh, whatever. They would say it. Thank God. X turns. What is X? Now I won't play too many more of these, but I just wanted you to know that we do have a whole huge variety. Of of tracks from Real House of Beverly Hills. This one, try to guess which. Oh Beverly Hills has some classics. Yeah, see if you when I was listening to these last night, a lot of them sound the same. I thought for sure David I was like, Oh, this would be the classic track. They all sound the same. But guess which one this track is named after. I think it's bite you on your way in darling. Sorry about that. Oh, you can't train a goose. It's a swan, darling. I don't know what I'm calling it a goose. It's a swan. Evil swan. Lisa's wacky swans. No, that one is actually called Earth to Kim. I love that even even composer Alan Lazar gets shady with these names. Okay, play it again because now we know that's the name. Yeah, now when you when you hear it, you can imagine her adjusting picture frames making chicken salad. Totally. Play it again. Well, yeah, it's crazy being here without the kids. But yeah, it's great. We're having fun, right? You ever made a channel with a spoon? Tastes like a metal. I'm really aggressive as you used to do that late at night. Kristi McNichol's coming over later, so I got to make the best chicken salad I can make. She loves it. I'm gonna be with chicken fast chicken. So excited Dan Dina Manoff is delivering her car to me today. Oh, I heard the Saint Bernard died from that from the Beethoven film. We were good friends. There are actually a ton of real house of ones. I think glamorous gardens is probably a Lisa Vanderpump sort of. Oh, yeah, let's listen to that one. It's probably. Yeah. We're seeing like shots. Silent farts. Silent farts. In darling, open a window. Jiggie's almost ready to be shaved down again, darling. New hairdo in the bike. Rosario, can I have my tea, please? And take this trash bag out of the coat. Thank you. I don't even know why I was holding it in the first place. Please don't hit me. Um, and then we also have, um, I can't wait for that show to come back. It's coming back soon. There's one that's, I mean, there's one that's said, there's emotional winters, there's cupcake, rehab, canine fashion. Camille gospel. Camille gospel. Okay, no gospel. I'm sorry, I keep hitting my mic, everybody, by the way. I hope this is entertaining. As entertaining for everyone at home as it is, I'm loving this. They all have the same sort of beat. Oh, it is sort of Camille gospel. Yes. I don't remember what episodes this could have been from. I own the golf course. I own the tennis course. I like this one. I like it. I like it. I like it. Carrying groceries. Sit over. Um, there's one, um, oh, unhinged housewife. Yes. Yes, please. Oh, yes. Sounds like a tailor. Oh, yeah. This is coming back from the commercial break. Why were you saying these things about me, Taylor? Why? Why? I was not with a hugger in a hotel bar. Well, I actually have proof that he was. What do you think about that? How could you pack the pamphlet, the real estate pamphlet, where he was photographed with another woman into your luggage? Listen. Why don't you do another track? Taylor left Cheerio crumbs in the luggage. Do you have a nervous breakdown inside of it? Um, right now Kyle's Heather. I'm going to need some time between OC and Beverly Hills to adjust my Heather accent for Kyle. Okay, here's the last one. How about this? Verbal violence. Or there's Sour Sisters. Which one? Sour Sisters. Sour Sisters. This is probably an issue between the two of them. They're sitting down at a coffee at Beverly Hills. Do you like our new house? Mauricio just bought it. I just feel like we used to be so close, you know, and now I don't know what's happened. This pillow has a picture of Hawaii on it. Is that Hawaii? I think I said on that beach. How did you get my view onto your pillow? I, what happened to Starbucks? That was the Costa Street. That was my favorite Starbucks. What'd you do with the Starbucks Kyle? You sold my Starbucks. All right, we should probably get to the regular show. Um, that was so fun. We'll probably play with this music many, many, many more times. So of course, the next five years. Yeah, that's some great music. And it happened right around the time we started making videos for our Vine channel. Thank you. We'll be using those a lot. Please don't sue us. By the way, we're going to be on Patty Stanger's podcast this week. Don't announce before it's confirmed. It is confirmed. Oh, it's confirmed. Cool. We're going to talk about my relationship with Bueller. What are you going to talk about? Um, my relationship with Bueller. Like, I resent him and I don't know why. So, Ben, you know what I've got to say to you. Ben, your time is precious. Oh, it's so precious. And you want to feed your mind with the best of what's out there. But who has the time to sift through all the nonsense on the internet? I don't. I don't. You know what, for those of us who want premium content and don't have time to waste finding it, there's next issue. Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or your tablet. It's iconic magazines. Like people, though, S-Y-R time. I mean, working mother, yoga journal, veranda. Do you know about veranda magazine? Yeah, they're in there. Is that a real thing? It's just a magazine about veranda's. You look on the next page of the ad, there's actually a list of all there. That's awesome. You can see they have wine enthusiasts, Weight Watchers, W Magazine. Oh, Weight Watchers. You know what, shut up. Weight Watchers is like, hey, here's how to make a low-calorie, you know, Snickers. There is no low-calorie Snickers, okay? It's not going to work. Just eat Snickers. But still got to read the magazine because it makes me feel thinner, bad. And if I do diabetic living, diabetic living, signing up for both of them at the same time. All the sugar you get from the fake Snickers, you can counteract that by reading the diabetic living bin. Yeah. Every article is a tribute to the late Nell Carter. Oh, no. Back in me in the fish tank. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Next issue. Give. Give. You know, by the way, one of my favorite theme songs. Of all time. Give me a prank. Got shot. You'll see me trying to make you two for the tap. And you know, there were two versions of it. Oh, what was the other one? Oh, the other one was more gospel-y. Give me a break. Yes. I love that show. Love that show. Love the song. Joey Lawrence. Still hot. The best thing about next issue is let's say you're reading about Joey Lawrence reading a Weight Watchers magazine before he gets diabetes. If you're reading about that, you can dive deeper because there's interactive content. So you get a richer reading experience and you don't have all the ads that the websites have. So people, oh, you know, we should have been doing this entire ad to one of the real housewives songs. Oh, damn it. Well, we could, you know, you could still play one. We can enter that right, Ben. All right, let's let's pretend like those ads just got super, super tense. I'm playing verbal violence, everyone. Oh, verbal violence. The best of our next issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com/crackings. Yeah, again, you can try next issue for free. Right now, when you go to nextissue.com/crackings, wasn't that exciting? On the timing was really good on that. That ending. Okay, so thank you next issue. All right, let's get into the show. We've got some wonderful things coming up. I keep seeing announcements that Melbourne's coming back, which is, you know, I'm always going to have an excuse to let that terrible accents stay within me, everybody. So there's that, but let's get to Real Housewives of Orange County, Ben. Yeah, let's get there. And speaking of people coming back, the show started with... Jesus. Brianna. Oh, Jesus. I'm just kidding. But he came. I mean, he's like the most famous for coming back and he wasn't this chef. Oh, I'm not familiar. I'm Jewish. So Brianna is back and she is so happy to be back in Orange County. She's like, people. Oh my God, there are people here and restaurants. She's like, oh, she doesn't even have good restaurants. It's just that at least there are restaurants. It's not one big golden corral cafeteria that you just... I mean, she makes Oklahoma sound like, yeah. Like it's just one old folks home with nothing in it. It's just people pooping on the floor and eating macaroni and cheese and like drooling on themselves. Just nothing but CC's pizza as long as far as... Oh, good phone link. That's my idea of heaven, Ben. Streets lined with CC's. Brianna's like, yeah, finally I can get my hair done. Like I can go to real restaurants and I can wear bright pink shirts with cutouts all over it. Because that's totally an OC thing. Every shirt has a cutout. Yeah, and the strangest place possible. Like here's a triangle over here by my side. My shoulder blade gets a half moon, a triangle, and a diamond. Figure it out, I dare you. I put a trapezoid by my lumbar. Um, so the whole gang is... They don't have parks in Oklahoma, by the way. I just read that in my notes. They don't have parks. She's like, oh, we can go to a park. They don't have those in Oklahoma. I'm like, are you sure about that? I mean, I know Orange County is a little prettier than Oklahoma, but I'm sure Oklahoma has parks. Just admit it, Ryan doesn't let you out of the storm shelter. No kidding. Yeah, well, finally my wrists are healing. You know, the rope burns are starting to go away. Oh, it's good to be in Orange County. Please don't let it take me. She's like, finally, furniture without plastic on it. There's got to be somewhere for homeless people to sleep in Oklahoma. I don't believe that Oklahoma just doesn't have homeless people. Get apart, the tornado's just coming and just clean them away. Some people call them tornadoes. We call them street sweeping. We call it gentrification storms. So then everyone's sitting around the table. They're having-- It's so laughing. Gentrification storms. Ooh, there's an F5 gentrification storm coming through. It looks like we'll be able to walk the streets free from now on for the next three weeks. Except the problem with gentrification storms is that it puts more people out on the streets. Damn it, this cycle. So tornadoes clean up the streets, but then put new people on them. Ah, that place really makes you wish for a tornado. Takes the tornado cabin to try cleaning up the new homeless. Oh, geez. Gotta keep clipping the gardener. It'll overgrow. Yeah. I know, ask Alfredo. So what they say about shaving pubes once you start, you can't stop. Oh, Lord. All right. Yeah, so you're trying to go on. No, I was saying that they're all sitting around the table, and Vicki's all excited, because she has a 10-year plan for her insurance business, which is either sell it, or, you know, to pass it on to you, Brianna, or you, Ryan, or you to to Michael. And, you know, she's like, you know, insurance is so fun. So fun. You just love it. It's like, I'd rather go back to war than work on insurance. She's patting him hard on the back. And I think he's not working because of his bad back. She's like, oh, you hear about insurance, Ryan? So, Ryan, what about insurance? How's your back? Oh, thank God for insurance. Am I right? Right? Otherwise, you'd be a bit right now. You'd be a bit. He does not look thrilled with the idea. No. And who would want Ryan? No one would put their feet up anywhere at any time. Yeah. Meeting. There'd be no waiting room. He's like, I'm getting rid of all this furniture. I don't want people sitting on it. Get your feet off the couch, have some respect. You hippie slide. It's like, OK, this is a business meeting, Ryan. OK. Why not let go of these rains, but you're not making it easy, right? Rex, we're out of Fritos in the break room. Anyone wants to order that? He's in charge of ordering that. Who's in charge of restocking the vending machine? Now, I have an insurance. I have insurance taken out with this very company that says, "If we run out of Fritos in the machine, I get a million dollars." So, hey up, company. I just want to say, my cancer meds have run out in the vending machine. So could you please restock the rivestral and the twix? Twix is supposed to fix pancreatic cancer. Anything carrot flavor should work? Just go ahead and put it in there. Maybe some sun chips. Maybe some sun chips would be a good idea for my cancer, so you could just put it right there in the vending machine for me, please. So, Ryan and Brianna's open disgust with Vicki is so funny, because Vicki's trying very hard. And at this point, we're aware of how aware she is of the cameras, because of the fight they showed in the previous leaves, where she's talking about Brianna coming to visit and Brianna saying, "I'm going to stand in a hotel room." Brooks, he's never going to be around my children, that monster. And Vicki, are you really going to talk like this? You're going to do this on TV? Really Brianna? Really? I'm not going to be this on TV. So we know how she feels about it. So Vicki's very upbeat at this. At this point, she's like, "Hey, welcome to breakfast. Oh, I'm going to give you a company. Hope you guys are ready. Hope you're enjoying the car. You're going to enjoy the company most." I mean, that's driving a huge car. That's driving a quadruple huge car. You're going to be able to buy your own cars. Meanwhile, Vicki goes out of the room and then they're immediately like, "This house feels weird now. It has a weird smell. It smells weird. And Ryan's like, "Yes, dirty now. It's way dirtier." Yeah. But to be fair, he also is like the husband and sleeping with the enemy in terms of dirt. And Ant walks in. He's like, "Did that ant tread in any dirt? I see some dirt." The paper towels, the pictures on the paper towels aren't lining up correctly. This house is disgusting. I could hear a dust bunny under the couch. Get out of here. Even this filthy trap. He says, "It smells in here. Yeah, it smells now. It's like musk." That's hilarious. The Brooks makes a house stink. They're probably being overdramatic brats, but the other possibility is that Brooks just stinks and you know he does. And then Vicki takes them to a petting zoo and she's like, "Look, it's totally normal. It's smelling nature. Don't judge Brooks." Not like this. That's what the whole world smells like. Next, we're going to go to a slaughterhouse. See that? This is what Brooks smells like also. I like that they had more of a problem with yours. And one of those rooms on a Febreze commercial where there's like hanging fish, dead fish upside down with turned over garbage and a homeless person, you know, like holding a jar of his own poop like in living color. Oh, it's totally a normal smell. Do you smell anything? For Brooks. I do like that they had more of an objection with the odors in Vicki's kitchen than at the petting zoo. Like, no, we like it. It smells like we're at Aunt Tamar's house. Give it a cracker. So then we cut to the household of Megan King Edmonds, where her scene opens with her saying, "I made you ice cream sandwiches, Haley." Like no, you're just making them out of a box. I just love it because it opens with Megan in a headband, a new headband, headbands are her thing, and I love it. And this is a... I'm a mom friend. I'm a friend mom. I'm a friend mom headband. Friend mom headband. And she was reading from another fucking recipe. She's always reading to her. She's like, "I'm like a mom, so I'm going to read to you." Okay? So today is from a recipe. So today, what was today? Today is for a facial. We're going to try teriyaki again because ways not want not. Mariah, justice. Yeah, justice. Here, I made you another ice cream sandwich. It's my favorite ice cream flavor, justice between two knowledge cookies. By the way, I have to say, very excited, the stupid photoshopped thing I made of Megan as Captain America. Bravo actually put it on their website, and they credited us. So it's official Bravo knows we exist. Yeah, well, at least they're, you know, whoever's posting. Ryan or whoever's working over there. Thank you for whoever did that. That's so nice. And it is nice because, Ben, you make that picture. I got some cred. I got cred. I got cred. So yeah, she's making justice stuff. And she's like, "Look, I'm sorry. I'm always trying to teach you how to make something, but I haven't figured out how to just eat books, and I've tried." Okay, so until then. Well, I love, it was like the blind leading the blind about how to make a homemade facial. It was like, Megan's sitting there reading the list of ingredients. She's like, "Okay, we need lemon, sugar, olive oil, organic honey, Tupperware." And you could tell that Haley was like, "Oh, so do we grind a Tupperware up into the facial? Is that what we do?" I'm not putting plastic on my face. Fucking relic. I don't do Tupperware. It's bad for the planet. The facial, I love when people, I love when young people without any wrinkles do facials. Ah, the memories. Yeah. And then Megan starts talking about Tamara's baptism. She's like, "Oh, because Tamara calls up." And it's like, "I want you to come to my baptism batch." And Megan's like, "I totally support Tamara's baptism, but I just want you to know that I called up the pastor, and they don't even do baptisms." It's like, "But that's okay, because I have a pasture, and pastors totally do it. In pools, it's going to be awesome." Um, I don't know. I just, uh, I better be a pool of knowledge. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm like, "What are you making your facial out of? What are you making your facial out of?" Knowledge. One-part knowledge, two-part justice, and three-part honey. Yeah, that's just for acne. You got to like add aloe and vanilla. Well, use aloe and vanilla if your husband likes dick. Like it almost cures it, um, and then you can use some bottles and jams and some milk if you like want to get rid of the bulging beans after you get botox. Okay. Okay, you're welcome, batch. Well, I love that Megan finally gets this homemade facial on her, and it truly looked like a facial. It looked like 10 people had just jizzed on her face. Oh, no. It's like, "Why are you doing this?" Driving the car with my children. My children are in the car bin. I start orgies. I start bucockeys. Yeah, that's what it was. I was like, "What do they call it?" "What do they call it?" "A bunch of people jizzed on one person." Who cocky? Oh, I hope this works with bucocky, and soon. That would be terrible. Hey, I have an acne problem, so we're going to do something I found on the internet called the bucocky facial, and I think it's supposed to really fix things. I already went to prom. Sorry, I'm not following you around anymore, because I'm your friend now. Friend, friend, mom, friend, mom. I can't hang out here. I have to think about whether or not I'm going to go to the lowest level of higher education. I have to check on this school. Deciding whether or not to take a class at the Learning Annex. I think that Megan's looking at all of this wrong, because I think these scenes are actually really cute, because Megan is putting forth such an effort, and Haley is being like a brat. But the reason it's cute is because that's what a teenager does. I mean, that is how a teenager treats your mom. So she is treating you like a mom. You just don't see it yet, but you will see it in the future, and it'll warm your little heart. Guys, let's all hug. Step mom tonight. In the near future, because in the later future, she won't be Haley's step mom anymore. Well, she kind of gave a hint of that when she said, "This is just depressing. I mean, I'm on FaceTime with my husband, and I look all good. I did my hair for it." And he just tells me, "I look half as pretty without one of my eyelashes on." And then his daughter's a bitch, and he's just like, "Go for it." And you know what? "I don't want to do this anymore." No, she said, "I don't want to do this ever again." And that made it sound pretty, you know, I'm sure that she was-- She has no say in it. He has all the little shots. Just keep on taking your eyelashes on and off. I have to keep them on. When I keep them on, I can't see. But then the thing is that justice is blind, so I don't know. Sometimes you can see justice better through a filter of plastic. Those things were huge. They looked like one of those drops that you put over things so you don't get paint all over the floor to construction site. Caring those things on your face does what there's a headband there, it's little invisible strings for the headband to help support. All right, so what else? So then friends to me go to as we go to the Bador household. And the marriage counselor comes over. Tina's been instrumental in helping David and I move forward. We're going to show you how forward we moved by being interviewed for the 75th time this week about our marriage. Well, what I loved is that once you get in there, David's like, "So you want some water? Want some beer? Want some wine?" She's like, "No, no, thanks. Want some juice? Want some milk?" Do you want anything? He's like, "Any excuse to leave the room?" He's like, "Please let me go to a different room right now. I'm going to get you anything at all. Do you want an apple?" You just don't know how to appeal to Tina. He has to be like, "Oh, hello, Tina Deere. Would you like an awkward pattern that doesn't quite fit you properly? Because I can go to Ross there. I can go to Ross right now, Deere." It's like, "That sounds great, go!" "Get me some flat flowers. Go!" So then it was more of the therapy sessions that we love, and where Shannon was saying how, you know, when David first had the affair, you know, I just negative thoughts all day long. But now I've had days go by where I don't even think about it. Instead, I think about Brooks' fake cancer. It's just a great replacement. She literally did say this stuff, by the way. This isn't just like bullshit that we're bringing up. I've had days go by. And then the therapist says something about how David says something nice or whatever, and the therapist says, "Well, you know, David's not that touchy-feely." And she's like, "Well, I'm not touchy-feely either. Believe me, Missy, I'm not touchy-feely." And if I know David well, I would say he's very touchy-feely. How do you think he'd wind up with a mistress, David? Hey, but if we're going to talk about touchy-feely, I'm going to need a bottle of Grey Goose first. Or a bottle of Grey Goose and nine lemons and cut them open, but do not squeeze them and then bring me a plate of limes. But I don't want to play, squeeze them into my drink, negative thoughts, negative thoughts. You knew this was going to go bad because it started out with Tina saying, "Now, remember last time they were in therapy with this Tina chick, it was another bad pattern." And David got defensive, and Tina said, "When David's not honest, we can't go forward, Shannon." And David got all upset. So that was the last time we've seen Tina. So now she's saying, "Well, there's been some challenges." And then Shannon immediately snaps her head to look at David, accusingly, "That's your David, challenges." David, I double dare you for the physical challenge. So David says that he's like, "Well, I can be touchy-feely." He's like, "I really can open up. I can be open and honest if I'm in a safe environment." And then all of a sudden, Shannon loses it. And she's like, "This puts me in a bad moment, David." "I'm in a bad moment. I got a thoughts." "I got a thoughts." "Don't worry, fat, oil, grease sugar, David." I got a moment. Because he's saying that if he's with the mistress, then he's free to say whatever he wants, and it's free, and he can do whatever he wants, but when he's with me, he can't. I'm like, he can't. He can't open his fucking mouth every time he does. You either cry or you berate him. You do. Like, come on. She's exactly, she's like, "David." But then she tries to put a pause and spin on it by saying, you know, it used to be that when David would make me cry, which was all the time, if you remember, I would not be able to get over it for days, then hours. But now, David makes me cry, and then I'm okay. Not too long after. I'm like, "Oh, well, that's good." - That's called official bipolar disorder. It's like, I just switched back and forth from sobbing to smiling in two seconds now. It's amazing. No, you're going crazy. You're slowly going to say, you're describing insanity. - I've learned how to compartmentalize and repress. It's wonderful. Now, every time David makes me cry, I just think of something wonderful, like the chandelier, or going to France or Dr. Moon, sticking things at my butt and I'm not breaking. - If I start to lose resolve, I just picture a big hole in the ground and I just keep digging it and digging it and going deeper and deeper and hearing less and less things. And tell what matters by some less. - Ah, this does not feel great. It's a new me. - I just cram all these emotions into a deep, dark place, and I'm sure they will never come out in any other form, such as neuroses that I have plastic lodged into my rectum. - Oh, God. Oh, this episode. I can't believe it's taken this long for somebody on this show to get something stuck up their ass. - I know. - How did that happen? - Yeah. Well, we're not having this. So then we go to lunch at Bebets, which I believe have gone to a few times. I feel like Bebets was the place where Alexis Bellino and Tamara had a come to Jesus moment pun intended. - That's fitting because it wasn't Bebet like a whore in the Bible or something. - I don't know. I feel like Bebet is just a French lady who sells Bebets. I don't know who Bebets is. Bebets in the Bible? - That's right. Yes. I think so. I think there's a literal whore about Bebets. - Are you sure you're not thinking of Les Misérables? - I could be. It's all the same thing. - Well, speaking of misrables. - How do you think the Bible got people to believe it? - It's saying. - So then something weird happened on the show. So Heather and Shannon are meeting for lunch and they're about to get into a big old-fashioned gossip sesh because they're like, "What was the last time I saw you? I think it was the Aries party." Right? So, and then they cut to Vicki and her fam at a petting zoo. So whenever the producers do this, it means that we're going to hear two sides of the same story. Right? So it's like we hear them talking at the zoo and them talking here. But instead we never, there was no side at the zoo. Instead, what happened was we have a lunch, which we'll get into where Heather, Shannon, and eventually Tamara start talking about, they start talking about, "Revestral" again and Brooks and the Cancer Balbot. And then they just keep cutting to Vicki. And Vicki's like, "Oh, I don't really like birds, but everything else I'm good with." - Well, you know, I'm from the country. I'm a girl from a place with animals. So you know, animals, you know, I like them. They're there, there's animals. So you know, I like the animals. So, oh, what is that, a rabbit? - No mother, it's a deer. - Oh, well, gosh. Oh, look at the rhinoceros. - That's a goat. - And of course, the best part, can we talk to this or do we have to wait for it to come? Because it's all intercut. But she's going around and around on one of those little miniature trains, which is hilarious anyway, because that's another thing. I picture husbands walking through the room, like, "What the fuck are you watching, honey?" Honestly, like, this is how you're spending your night. You just walk past and it's Vicki on a tiny train going, "Whoa, I guarantee if Casey Jones were alive and there, he would not have fixed that track." They're like, "Oh, what the shit crash?" "Let it crash." "Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" - Shats! - And then Brianna is, you know, in a tiny train car, which was also a sight in front of her. And then he says, "Oh, this is hurting, you know, all this jacking around. This is like, I'm getting a circle check." It takes a moment to go halfway around the track, and Brianna goes, "A circle jerk." - The hell? - Where'd you even learn that word? - At on delays, you know, what they always say when you get on a little train at on delays or you get a circle jerk. So, you know-- - You know what-- - For my kids! Hey kids, I got a circle jerk over here! - You know, it's like when it's tip time at on delays and you just stand in the middle and all the bus boys make a ring around ya. - By the way, I just gave Vicki a Boston accent. Just want you to know. I will never be able to do a Vicki voice. I don't know why. It seems like it could be so easy. I can't do Vicki voice. I don't do a Vicky voice either. I do like a Fargo voice. Yeah, but I can I could do Fargo at any other time 23 hours out of the day. I can do Fargo voice podcast starts. I'm like, oh, I'm getting a circle jerk Well, I've tried to I've tried to work on the Vicky voice But it's really hard because some types it comes out like to rid that because she does she has that like diesel thing So I'm trying to get that in there But it's really hard to do because it sounds like to rent a and I want to rent a to be to rent a to rent a to rent a Your original is really lucky. We're corrupt together Get your balls on the show. Do you throw up this stuff? No, I did a circle. Did I do a circle jerk? So So the thing is actually even though the circle jerk line was the funniest thing I actually the thing that made me laugh the most at the petting zoo Was when Vicky said that she doesn't like birds and then they cut to a shot of this bird flying in the sky I'm like, oh, and there's like this ominous moment like oh, the birds are coming for you, Vicky They're coming for you now. Oh Look at those whales flying up there Those are pretty think I think that they're not birds cuz I was like terra pay up That time when I got hit by a Pole at Lake Havasu. It was like a giant bird coming into my face. I hated it. I hate bird now I bought it anyway. I'm in up. I'm in a fantasy League I didn't have anyone from the Ravens or the Cardinals on my team. I Like I don't even get me starting a Seahawks. So now we can go back to the lunch This lunch because it opened with Heather and It was Heather and Shannon who hate each other. Let's face it. Right, but now they like each other And Heather Watson and says oh, I love that top very edgy I'm like, oh, they hate each other still. I love it. Yeah, and it's like oh, thank you this bow around the collar really You know, you know, I was I was worried I'd look like a whore, but apparently it's edgy. So that's good David, you know, David bought this for me I told him to go find something that I would like and he went on to Google and that was a whole other issue But once he once I told him to go to Amazon instead because that was a mistress free website on the right thing for me It was the last time I saw you. Oh Aries party. So they kind of trade a couple little moments in here Which I liked and Heather didn't give into anything that Shannon did because Shannon is always trying her. Well, you know, I'm offended Why didn't he call me? Well, we'll get to that. Anyway, well, there were a couple little things traded that I loved But there were a couple moments where Heather's leaning back and there's a fire behind her There's just this look in Shannon's eyes. Keep playing keep going. Keep going. I Just thought it was more of a metaphor for Heather essentially being the devil Although that's really Tamara And so Tamara did join and they're just like a general pitter patter like oh my god I have a joint account with Eddie da da da da da da da da da da and then actually my favorite moment of editing was Tamara saying well, I just saw I just saw I Just saw Vicki and Brooks and looks like Brooks's cancer is spread and then they immediately cut to Vicki going Oh, look at the bunnies. I was like Such a strange juxtaposition Say spread like cancer. I mean just real fast, you know put a couple bunnies together You got 20 the next day crazy. I mean nevermind there were guinea pigs But anyway, I just thought I just thought it was funny that Tamara would say something very serious and it got to fit you with the bunnies Something I didn't mention earlier, but we were talking about the music the show opened with this music. That's kind of new It's like disco wacky. It was like But it was really fun music and the talking under it was like they're lying about him having cancer. Oh of cancer On me, but it's like this really upbeat Love it. It was a it was a classic alimazar masterpiece Yes, oh and Vicki had one too when she was there was one point when she was getting off the train after she talked about You know circle jerking bus boys and on the lace She got off the train and they were playing this like They're like funky grandma grandma fun. Yeah It's the Vicki circle jerk. I think that's also new in So then so at this at this lunch They're basically gossiping once again about the cancer and they're they're doing that thing with like I just don't want to talk about it anymore. I mean, I just don't want to hear I'm so sick I don't want to be put in the middle as they all talk about him put themselves in the middle so last week Shannon was furious because because Vicki chose Tamara the dumbest of the women to show the results to and and and so Shannon's response was why didn't she show it to me? I've had many cats guns and pet scans I get scanned every single day. I know how to do this. I know how to read it I actually got a disease from being scammed so much because it turns out scans leave little microbes in your body Together and have group meetings and have fun and party in your body, but it's not a party for Shannon I'll tell you that much Sometimes I just go to the SPCA with a scanner and I just scan animals there because I'm so good at pet scans And I know them so well so then so then So based on so what would make me laugh was that I Can see you furiously searching through notes. So then so what so I what what I was I wasn't even looking through my notes. I am looking directly at my note I was just trying to remember why was I talking about this mm-hmm. I'm like So what was funny to me is that because Shannon made such a fuss last week about why did she come to me? then Then Heather did the same thing and there's like why did he come to why did she come to me? Why don't you show Terry what show me the question of course? So in title or just the camera is so stupid because everybody's first question is Why would they ask you? Yeah, then this up and then the shadow was like I just a lot of words and everything and the check goes well. Did you say I can't read this? Did you say that? With your situation where you don't know words It's your responsibility to say I don't know how to read words because if you don't know one can help you do understand hands Stranger danger don't light fires in forests. I kind of fly in my finger. Wow. Look at that. Okay I'm gonna go wash my hands don't talk while I'm gone and Shannon stain your own seat There's gonna be like a PSA that'll be something like if someone gives you a pet scan And your name is Tamara Barney, and you don't know how to read it Please reach out to someone who can help you. It could change someone's life It's like a new Google translate feature Tamara translate batch batch batch batch batch sexy hot bitch eddy betch actually that was just the way to get to the ball batch Wow, thank you Google translate You know that basically that that CT scan was Just the tag on the back of a mattress that they blew up and put on a piece of paper That's all that it was and she's like do not under violation of law remove this tag Wow. It's a real CT scan We've they tricked me into violating the law batch because this is removed and out to my possession the FB are coming from it It turns out that Brooks is like 95% memory foam. Who knew? If you push that up Brooks was high And like pop my cup of like five seconds like a flumushing batch. I did some research It turns out you have to flip Brooks over once every six months. Who knew? So I'm looking here Heather. We all feel icky. We all feel icky Tamara said oh and then oh, yes, so they fight over. They didn't fight over it But well then Heather said why didn't you ask me because I mean if anyone you should ask Terry because he's a scientist and a doctor and Shannon says well, I'm offended I don't know if she was offended at Heather But Heather just glossed right over it and even in her diary room thing where you know the producers were like and then Shannon was offended She was like listen. Here's what I'm saying. I've just glossed over the whole thing. Yeah Claw hands crab hands. Well, the funny thing is that at lunch Heather's like well, why didn't you look why didn't show Terry Terry's a doctor? And then at the interview she then decides to upgrade herself and she's like I mean I've seen a lot of medical documents in my time. Why not me? I Play not a doctor on TV One time I was I'll grieve a McIntyre's lunch order and it was like looking at a medical document From the future a heart Quartery artery Constipulation article You know all I'm saying is that I was on Malibu country and the word country has the letter C and T in it So I mean I'm qualified all I'm saying is that half that cast could have died from a heart attack at any moment And I would have had to call Terry. So I'm totally qualified. I'm like a doctor. I'm close to one I know one. Listen, let's be honest. I'm the only one here who knows how to read. Okay, that's why I'm qualified I didn't want to say it but Tamara. I mean She's still on that book about the rabbit, you know, you touch it and she's got a point because of course You would ask Heather the intelligent cuz Shannon's intelligent, too But Shannon would read it the way it is she would read it with her own shit into it like oh wow look here It says that he has an inflamed aortyl capilla of Terry. I'm never gonna get a word right by the way He has a Folecular a mandu to me. Oh, you know what he needs He needs a trip to Asia and a fist up his butt from a small child in a Rwandan village flown in Especially who's only eating pigeon poop for the last five bucks You know what like this, you know what this CT document needs and needs someone who has Hillary Clinton reading glasses All right, and you put them on and you read it and then you get the real results, all right You don't give it to Tamara Barney She doesn't have Hillary Clinton glasses if you're gonna ask anybody you should ask me because I've had CT's done at Malibu imaging And that was another thing that was dropped that people just Kind of glossed over so was this before 2008 because they stopped doing them for this specific cancer in 2008 Or did they still do them but well kind of counts are only specific kinds. That's so many questions. It's a new mystery Unfortunately the resident Newport imaging ombudsman known as Megan King Edmonds was not there to correct them on their facts So we just had to go with it I could take a face value because there was no knowledge to be had. I was like in an empty well a Well starved of knowledge. Sorry. I couldn't make it to lunch. I fell asleep with my facial on I woke up with a bunch of ants on my face So then the funny thing is that during this lunch they're talking about cancer cancer cancer and then out of nowhere Shannon decides to turn it to her and she's like well, you know, I feel I never would have thought this a year ago since I Thought that Heather was the worst person in the world and Tamara was an evil bitch But I feel bonded with you because we have a common enemy and Vicki and since that since the enemy of my enemy is Now my friend. I guess that means we're bonded and I want everyone to know that, you know, David had an affair Yeah, like what the hell where did that come from and they're like, uh-huh, and I So this is my news David my husband had an affair and like, uh-huh. Yeah, and so what else is new? What I'm saying is I haven't told you this and therefore you should be surprised about the fact that David my husband had an affair Duh Why did anybody not just say duh and then Heather? Well, I knew and let me tell you something claw claw. You know I'm a good friend because even when Shannon was horrible to me in my own living room while my children were upstairs I did not tell anybody and that's girl code. Okay, that is girl code. It's like definition of girl code so we need it That's why I can read the CT scan because I have a doctorate in girl code and I'm a doctor now I'm a girl code doctor Girl code headband. I'm sorry. I fell asleep, but I did make a new girl code headband for Heather. I Did think it was a very strange time and moment. Maybe there was something edited out of the conversation, but I thought it was strange That Shannon would do that. I think in a way it was it was Shannon Building alliances knowing that she's about to go into war with Vicki and I think it was also a way for her to throw David Under the bus some more that that's like I love Shannon, but I think this she's gotten gone down a bad path. Yeah, and also Wait, what was I gonna say about this stupid thing also? Way to just make a storyline at the very end is if everybody doesn't know and how have you not talked about this with everybody? Why are you still talking about it and how are you not doing this in an interview setting right now? Which is like yeah, I've invited you guys to talk to Dr. Tina and Dr. Tina has some questions Well, how did you guys feel when you heard the news about Shannon and David's affair? He betrayed her. Oh, thank you Thank you for that. Wow, it's a good friend right there. That's girl cut. That's what girl code is right. Yeah Yeah, I mean, I just loved how they just were not even shocked Tamara tried a little bit She sort of flared her eyes She's that was like her one attempt to look surprised because she knows how to do fake surprise That's that's pretty much most of her storyline is looking fake surprise because she already knows something but They they didn't even try I mean to be fair. They're pictures of David on half the businesses Orange County, you know like when someone bounces a check they put a check up on the register being like don't trust money from this person You know, they're pictures of David being like do not sell anything to this hot to this man because he's taken his mistress of this business Thank you You know, he's like up there with all the money frame this dollar It's gonna be the first dollar you lose if you serve David when he's in here with a woman. That's not Shannon be doing Okay, most Americans think they spend about sixty two dollars per month on subscriptions But get this the real number is closer to three hundred dollars That is literally thousands of dollars a year half of which you've probably forgotten about thankfully Rocket money can find a bunch of subscriptions You've forgotten all about and then help you cancel the ones you don't want anymore Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings Rocket money has over five million users and has saved a total of five hundred million dollars and canceled subscriptions Saving members up to seven hundred and forty dollars a year when using all of the apps features Stop wasting money on things. You don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money comm slash Wondery that's rocket money comm slash Wondery rocket money comm slash Wondery We all know playtime and problem-solving as a kid is super important That's why kiwiko is launching kiwiko clubs to engage kids on a journey of seriously fun learning with kiwiko clubs Kids will learn the fundamentals through hands-on projects and progressively build their skills with each new project They work on watch your kids go from learning to build bows and arrows to engineering their own robot Kiwi cole has five clubs with unique topics like science technology engineering art and math Otherwise known as steam that encourage kids to be creative bold curious and persistent through hands-on plan projects Tinker create and innovate with Kiwi cole get up to 50% off your first crate at Kiwi cole calm promo code Wondery that's up to 50% off your first crate at Kiwi cole calm promo code Wondery So then So then we go to a restaurant where Tamara and Brianna are meeting Brianna's like oh my god a menu I haven't seen one of these in 15 months usually it's just a plate with five squares and it's it's got a bunch of stuff on it You got to eat it no matter what Last one at restaurant I went to as a sizzler Wait what was this place called oh this place was called Bloody Mary's LOL Well Well, they got Bloody Mary's that looks like a it's like a gay man who's been stabbed I love it bloody Mary's cuz it's spelled m-a-r-y Apostrophe ace I'll love that name. I just think it's so Orange County that's been my review But I know it's like we're gonna be sassy Bloody Mary's. Yeah, so Brianna's happy. She's like I love meeting with Tamara You know, she's like no bullshit also. We're doing it at a place when my mom has a vodka called bloody Vicki's What is it called bloody piggy bloody piggy vacant vacant vodka, so it's like feels good to be at a real bloody Mary place I Just like Tamara because you know what I've considered the source and I approve Thanks, bitch. All I do when I'm in that bomb shelter is consider sources. That's literally all I do anymore So on the great So right back to where oh, yeah poor Brianna, you got to feel first Thomas like why don't you just stay here? It's like sunshine and feed and stores and cutouts She's like nope gotta go back. I I go to work the night that I Get home I step off the plane and they put me in an ambulance and I'm right back to work And I'm not off for 18 months because I took two days off So if if I don't go home, who's gonna make sure all the tuna cans are facing the same direction Do you know how upset Ryan would be with the General unevenness of these mozzarella sticks fries I mean, these are just not even fries. He'd be furious that I didn't line them all up in a row I can't believe there's a stack of them like a like a teepee that fell apart Would you mind eating this one? I got too much sauce on it If Ryan knew I was actually sitting in a chair he'd be furious. We're only allowed to sand at tables Like since we only have so much time batch. I just want to say you're like Well, not like a daughter because like I don't know like you're not littering children all over the world And I don't like owe you a lot of money, but yeah You're like a daughter that I have custody of You're like a male man's daughter like I know he has one and if I ever saw it be like But like I'm not sending you money on your birthday, you know what I mean and Brandon's like, yeah, we're so close and Tamara since we only have so much time. Let's talk about big contract Now, this is where this shit got good finally after the whole season all we needed was to call Brianna Yeah, we got the closest thing to an actual medical opinion. Well, it was a medical opinion, but it was not a it was not like You know a doctor's opinion and I'm not sorry. I'm sorry nurses. I'm not trying to discredit it But you know like you're not so you'll that's not offensive come on now But you know nurse, you know, it's like a doctor's like he needs like a stamp of something the doctors are the only ones We're allowed to diagnose but that being said Multiple times. This is my opinion as an emergency nurse who sees this shit all the time So this was interesting stuff that she brought up. Yeah, he said he told her Years ago, I guess when they met that he had pancreatic cancer And he even Tamara even Tamara knows that when you get pancreatic cancer, that's like one of the worst ones and that The survival rate for pancreatic cancer is I don't know that she knows that but she does know Was it yeah Patrick Swiss is a bad bet cuz of that. Yeah So but even better even better than Brooks saying he had pancreatic cancer is that when he was pressed Who was pressing it was a Tamara or was it Rihanna Briana because she said she knows she said like how are you still living? What could you possibly have done parties? Yes, what could you have done that you're walking around healthy? How did you beat it because no one else does like ever and he he? Didn't answer and didn't answer so she just kept pestering him and you know she did - yeah, you know She was like, oh really? What was your doctor's name? What was the cancer like? What was the treatment like? What did it feel like what are your pantries and brooks? Either I pester you or I go back to Oklahoma where I can't touch any of my furniture. So guess what? I'm pestering you right now. Exactly You're the bow on a string right deal with it But she's right and you know she did pester him and you know he's full of shit because I believe Briana when she says Oh, yeah, I 100% that he finally caved and said well It was pancreatitis which is an inflammation of your pancreas due to alcohol abuse Big motherfucking difference Big so that's huge, and I can't believe it's - well of course I can't believe it's taking this long to come out But that's awesome that of course, it's a lie of course those papers are bullshit Whatever What do you say, but so good Briana's here like you order the girl chicken wings and she'll solve any mystery you want She's like just get me out of Oklahoma Not a beautiful morning. It's not a beautiful day So Tamara got exactly what she wanted because Briana is the only one we've actually seen with any kind of medical Knowledge we saw that doctor who once I looked at the scene again, and I was only doing it for an editing purpose Okay, everybody get off my ass. I'm not that crazy But I watched that doctor scene again, and the doctor said now these results If they are not forged, this is pretty bad. So he didn't even say wow these look like totally real and legit Let's talk about it and he also was a doctor that was found by Lanka the new age enema Earthing stupid bullshit lady, so I mean everything was sketchy about that the only one who really Should be giving a medical opinion is Terry and Terry wants to stay out of it. Obviously he doesn't want to mire his You know he because he's an actual doctor, and he probably doesn't want to get into what he said she said whatever Where then now all of a sudden his medical expertise is challenged, so he's just staying out of it Yeah, but he did have some you know he he wants to give his hands clean And he got some free advertising from all the reserve a trawl talk. Yeah So he's got some free ads there. He's like thank you. Thank you for this Storyline because we just sold 18 billion Bottles of your dick will stay on you if you wear this what's that what does it do? They said it fixes well. It's just cream is for you if you're young or if you're old or if you're dark Or if you're light if you have dry skin or if you have really oily skin Just pick everybody. Yeah So speaking of stuff for your skin Then Shannon brought her daughters to get like a makeover make learn about makeup And I like she acted as if she was Taking them to a gun range, you know like like we know when you do this be very careful She goes to be by the way do you hear all these vehicles outside? I think MJ getting delivery of sliders MJ's got crispy crust and Domino's running into each other So anyway, so I love that Shannon is She she is treating this as if it is a super dangerous situation. She's like to be clear girls The reason why we're here is because this is organic makeup. Okay, you're not allowed to use You know organic makeup, please be careful when you use your makeup girls safety is first girls now Don't share this you could get hepatitis B Yeah, remember all right You want a wide stance before you put on the makeup and put on these safety goggles I know you can't I know you try to put makeup on your eyes But just you just have to put the mascara on the goggles. I'm sorry you have to be safe safety first organic now We're this now where there's neon colored vest. I don't want you accidentally hitting your sister with your organic mascara David David did your mistress use organic mascara? I don't think so I think that's why your eyelids were always breaking out David further proof that whores don't use organic and that's why I allow my daughter sneeze it I won't have my daughters looking like whores and they're in organic makeup David David girls when your plastic eyelashes fall off at least the outer coating of them will be pyodegradable And that's what I say is a good citizen Let that let the blush that you are putting on your cheeks remind you of how red face your mother was when she learned that her husband was cheating on her Thoughts negative thoughts now here's something else be sure that you only use makeup that's suitable for synchronized swimmer So that way when you cry tears of betrayal your makeup won't run And if it does make it to your lips it won't poison you you won't die because it's organic The only thing that will poison you will be the infidelity of your husband And that's just in your heart, so it takes years to die. Don't worry girls It's sort of like asbestos it just gets into your system and then one of these days you just kill over girls I've always wanted to tell you this everything's not gonna be okay, and that's okay Sometimes I struggle should I let my girls play with lead-based products or just let them marry a man. What's more toxic? Do you happen to know if there's a thought of acid nearby I can just throw my daughters in to spare them the pain Of what it's like to be Shannon. Okay. That would be great. Just point the directions Here's the thing girls I know you want to put on makeup But really the only reason why you put on makeup is to look prettier and then when you look pretty you find yourself a man And then that man cheats on you so here's what I've done for you instead I got this old-fashioned to mom that I'm gonna snap it in half and you can play with all the mercury inside instead The reason Megan's child doesn't respect her is because she doesn't have mercury in the facial she's giving her Respect is spread through pain children children We're very happy children. We're very happy. All right girls. I found a moldy cantaloupe. Why don't you eat this instead? This is a string cheese I found in a belly button Girls I found a piece of plastic out from my ass just as rewarding as having a husband who cheats on you Okay, so then we cut to Vicky and Tamara Tamara Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa You went way too far I dad because the makeup side for the fact that Shannon was making them a whole organic makeup Then she oh, yes, I skipped this part. So she starts going So she starts like being paranoid about like her daughter's her into sluts or something She's like unfortunately there are girls who are age wearing makeup They should be out of the store playing with their dolls But then she then she gets this crazy story she goes when I was 15 living in Rancho Santa Fe, California I would take my horse up to town to the pharmacy and charge makeup to the storms family charge account did it on my own Me and my horse David. Where's your horse? I? Like how she said it's just me and my horse David did you did you let your mistress ride my horse David Back then you know now now you're scared if you're a child getting pregnant. So there you go I'm riding a horse there possibly riding a teenager and getting pregnant. This is not a good world negative thoughts get that makeup off your face a little slut So I guess I liked having a horse that made me made me believe in things like stables But if there's anything that I've learned from David, there's no such thing as stability The only horse I ever had that tried to kick me off was not organic It was born on a farm that used pesticides, and I always blame it scratching us on those darn pesticides. I Really I really identify with my horse because when David cheated on me I really felt like I was a gift horse that was punched in the mouth It's a new saying We've actually amended the saying I don't even know what the original saying is I just know that has something to do with a gift horse and Doing something do its mouth and David I don't want to know what you did to your gift horse But I know I felt slapped and punched and generally abused I don't know what you did to your gift horse, but I sure wish I could look it in the mouth So I know what you brought home for me on my 50th birthday. Thanks for that. By the way mention that Okay, we've got to get away from this woman before she makes me a shuttering fetal positioned sobbing mess telling Yeah, okay, so now Vicki now Vicki and Tamara got to go with the Shannon Delling me in my horse Okay, so Next we skip to Shannon, right? Wait, wait, just one little last get too far again No, no, no, you did but one let one last thing It's not me trying to impersonation But I did think it was funny how cuz she has one daughter who one of the twins is like a tomboy She always wears a varsity jacket and I liked how how Shannon put makeup on and was like there Now you look less like a tomboy now you're interested in boys I'm like, oh, there's gonna be a whole bunch of angry people being like you are forcing her gender identity Well, that's gonna come up soon on a real housewives. You know it will. Oh, yeah, maybe you'll be Ryan Please let it be someone cute. I said it be Haley, you know, like someone cute. Yeah Okay, so now Tamara is at Marissa the fashion designer and I was like where's Hela? Why has had a bit betrayed by this show? Hello, hello, hello So they go and Tamara's like, I'm getting baptized get me a whore baptism dress back Something that makes my lips like back. I just got them done a lot of like a sexy ghosts I don't care. Oh, yeah, and then Vicki comes in and wonders why everybody's against her It's like oh, I already have that dress looks better on me. Okay. I already have it Oh have that one tool have that one tool Vicki is in a white dress face. Yeah It's like I have that dress is the greatest dress in the whole world looks like crap on her But it's a great stress the whole world on me All it needs is to cut out, you know, and that can be done at home. I've got a machine I want to put a rhombus on the butt So I've worn that dress already blah blah blah, so they're having bad like baptism. Oh my god, you know, like I'm Proud of I'm proud of myself for coming to Jesus batch works is getting his test. Oh and then Vicki Oh, you know, it's crazy. It's like you're training on dresses Brooks is getting his test from first bone marrow, you know, it's not the same thing what Kind of conversation are we entering to I know and then of course Tamara the first thing Tamara does is she rats at all the other girls She's like well, I read that thing you put me in a bad position because I read that thing and then the other girls were like Why what that and now I've got all these questions and you know the girls just still don't believe you It's like no Tamara you don't separate yourself Nice like you always paper and I don't even know how to read them like I don't understand that batch and Vicki's like Well, I don't understand them either because we're not doctors So Vicki's making it very clear that yes, she doesn't understand either. They're all being taken in by just like master mind Brooks Yeah, she's like I hate that she's like she she all the doubt. She's like they can doubt all they want. It's sick. It's a tonic This is this is some Frenching on my uncle off. Okay, it's what Satan does You know Satan goes around and he passes people to question other people's boyfriends. That's what he does I mean, he's done it his whole life, you know with Adam and Eve he was he convinced someone's girlfriend to eat an apple I mean, that's what he does. He saws doubt in boyfriends and girlfriends So then now it's fine the day of the of the batch chism and The exciting news is that an hour or two hours before the baptism Shannon has decided to give herself a home colonic because why not? Why not clear out your system? I think I think you actually probably should you're gonna be taking on a lot of things going to a Tamara Barney baptism So get every get all the old stuff out get a better get everything out because there's sure there's sure gonna be a lot of Well, sorry, I forgot who I was for a second There's sure gonna be a lot of those dumplings from Trader Joe's there, you know, those are good A lot of sodium those will be stuck in me for a month of five months up five months at least Spanicopa does gonna be you know, they'll be passing a lot of spent cope, but I you know how I deal with Greek food I mean if you remember the last time I had me saka, I mean, I was shooting for days Exit up like it. Oh, jeez. Have you ever seen me arc? It's like that, but with that George Clooney. They're looking at you dream. It's just horrible It's a horrible thing to get it out of me in a clinic doctor moon and dr. Moon's invented his own kind of clinic David David, you know, they're gonna be passing around chicken skewers and I guarantee those will not be organic chickens David This is like a regular colonic, but you have to look at the clouds angrily So she's giving herself a colonic Yes, this is great. So we give you say calls to colonics. Yeah, she calls up Tamara to say she's giving herself a colonic And then we cut to Shannon with this panicked look on her face Which admittedly is what her base always looks like, but it's even more panicked than usual And she's muttering like a crazy woman in the bathroom. She's going this this is an enema This this is an enema and and see if it comes out because because that's what you do You you would take anema and and it comes out and David's just like looking at her Like yes dear like she just we're and we're wondering what is going on with Shannon. Why is this the way her colonics always go? She was very rain manny in the scene. She was walking around in circles muttering to herself going There's something up there. Oh god. There's something up there. I feel it. I feel it. I've got to get it out Oh, clonic. Oh, I gotta put a colonic and I've never else it's gonna hurt why it's so hard to be sharing feet door Oh God, I'm gonna do it. I mean Terry answering his phone. David. Dr. Moon. David. Look at the instructions on colonics. Yes, dear Oh God, here. I go. Oh, she's oh and I'm a colonic. Oh doctor. It's broken in there. It's broken up I feel it. I feel it get it out get it out. I mean it went on and on Basically been attacked by dr. Moon's alien colonic. It's just like crawled up her ass And that's growing into like a giant hamburger with gluten or something. She's allergic to you know Yeah, she became pretty convinced that a piece of plastic got dislodged in her rectum and She forced David Stick his fingers up there and and pluck it out and she wonders why and you know what they took the black love crown away from Bobby and Whitney what was that show called Bobby being Bobby Brown because he he took care of just a dingleberry, but in this case David went all the way up there and she wonders why he cheats she wonders Well, David. Do you want to stick your fingers up my asshole? Okay, maybe you know that'll help because she said they had proof his love He went into unchartered territory To get that little piece of psychological debris that was stuck up my butt and he was up there His whole head was up there. I actually suggested a new gel, but otherwise I have no notes I mean quick chart David positive thoughts only positive thoughts and he was so considerate he was organic lubrication Yeah, that could have helped their relationship. Maybe that territory will be further charted Yeah, that was that was definitely a very interesting and hilariously and by the way turns out she had nothing in there She just the piece had fallen out in the toilet. Yeah, there was nothing up there. She, you know, just wanted to do a fucking self-sultimizing Colonic scene a national television like David needs a break. It's been a rough season All right. Well, let's talk about something up my butt. All right. You're lying through your live Shannabe doors calling Here lies the pizza plastic that invaded shannabe doors calling it's invisible and That's kind of the point in the end of the day. Thank you and night Shama la la la la la For that beautiful ending to a beautiful riveting and sometimes scary story. Let's just admit it I gave it dear dear. I I found a very small tombstone up your ass. Oh I just say the chunk of that one It looked it looked delicious. I said what what has less calories the hamburgers or the foam thing that my My cemetery scribe I thought about Dwight should I have a tombstone pizza or should I just eat part of a tombstone? I thought let's just do the tombstone which he said David go on the internet and look up in him instructions I'm can't believe he didn't freak out. Is this a trap deer? Like I want to watch the clip is looking at anal things on the internet for David It was really a very bizarre Interlude and this entire show. It was very very bizarre, but it worked out all right Ghost, but baby the Shannon B. Door story. Yeah Poor poor Megan though Haley stood her up. Haley decided she did not want to go to the baptism of a middle-aged bitch So she is not going to the big baptism at the end of season. So Megan was like Said she called up Jim as we were described like Hill is not coming to the baptism anymore. Oh anti-justice anti-knowledge He's like yeah, babe. She's a bitch. So you look pretty. Yeah. Thanks. Oh my god. My eyelash is coming off You're disgusting. All right. I'm hanging up fucking ugly bitch click. Okay. Well good to see you Anyway I bought a new car Megan gets dissed by Jim Don't show play some of the music So Jim do you still love me not really okay here it is So I was thinking about going with the baptism and Haley's a dumb bitch too Yeah, but I was thinking maybe you could fly in from St. Louis fuck. No, what the hell would I do that? You're an idiot. Hey, you know what you should do Maybe like get a job or something get out of the house because you're making everybody crazy Well, click I kind of feel like flow What Jim doesn't seem to realize is that trying to be friends with Haley is a full-time job I wish you would get that could I have a hundred dollars Yeah, hey, here's a hundred fifty and you can like hang out with me. We can like do things like make sure I could Bye call me if you need anything and by the way, I was thinking that maybe tomorrow we could like go to the mall Haley the teriyaki gave you a bit I really feel like I'm making a lot of progress with Haley. It's pretty amazing Hashtag friend mom friend mom headband All right, yes, just this okay, so let's just get to the baptism party, shall we well the episode pretty much episode pretty much ended with everyone in their limo is heading to the baptism party and Vicki and Shannon are both based on the way to a baptism Orange County Shannon's nervous that Vicki is gonna be angry at her and Vicki is just hoping that no one asks her about Brooks's cancer. She's like, how can there be any conflict at a Jesus party? Like you remember how the last one ended don't you? Come on now. Does anybody here read the Bible? It's like oh wow a party with some wine, you know I'll get all of us together in the same place So this this can't and badly. I mean look how it ended for Jesus. I mean look how look how it worked out in New Jersey. I mean hey that was a bris and Christening and that worked out really well everyone was on their best behavior for that So yeah, no one there could never be a conflict at a Jesus party. Oh, yeah, the church inflames it It's like when Satan walks into church and his skin burns It's like everyone in there has just got a slight itch and an urge to yell at somebody They don't know why I Cannot wait for this Vicki's last scenes in the limo are really because Billy's here now Yeah, so we skipped over all this but you know Vicki's hanging with oh a barely you know Sometimes I just want to look over and say mom and then I remember mad and Billy's like oh, yeah I sure know oh sure sure sure fix sure I know fix yeah, whatever you say fix Well, you know this is a tannock. Oh, they're attacking about Brooks life. Isn't that what happened in the Bible? Oh, that sure is Vix. I remember reading the Bible Vix. That's what happened in the Bible Remember when all those people called Brooks a liar in the Bible. Oh, that's what they're saying this They're saying this. Oh, yeah, who would do that? I'd be so upset if I said I had cancer and no one believed me That would be terrible. Oh, that's true Billy. I'm so glad to have you here. I'm new small me too. She's in the wild Well, we know this is going to be a good season finale because The whole episode is gonna be the baptism. So whenever there is a show where the entire thing is the party That means it's gonna be shit everywhere. So I am looking forward to this And it's a finale party So you know Tamara's so psyched because she gets to have a finale party because they're usually at the rich the richer people's house Or she also always Vicki or Heather's She also almost always goes berserk during finale part of finale parties. Yes She she demanded a divorce from Simon during one one finale She threw wine at Gina during another. I mean she screamed at Brooks at another She uh, this is like her time to shine. This is her moment finale parties Are when her bitch flower fully blooms. It's like a tough flower, you know, everybody they they were sure to get cuts of everybody saying Tamara has really changed, you know, I'm really proud of Tamara because she's changed like she used to be mean She had a rough season, but what I'm trying to tell you is that Tamara has changed Everybody's trying so hard to get that in because you know like the The finale it's either gonna end like this or they're gonna save it for the next finale next year But the only reason she's going through all of this is so she can have an even bigger finale party when she goes back to Satan Because you know, that's like a fun party. This one's like a community pool and a guy with the bad Uh gel job, you know waiting to dunk you but that one's like Tamara's going back to Satan That's gonna be like a parade. That's gonna be the most amazing fight of all time Yeah, she'll probably have some religious impasses next season where she'll be conflicted about The word of the bible and wanting to follow her. No, she won't she's never conflicted about anything Who am I talking about? I'm giving her way too much credit During the whole way during her getting her makeup done for the baptism She was sitting in the makeup chair talking to Shannon. She's like Shannon had bad sex batch Shannon, how was it getting it up a bad? Shannon Shannon it's gonna be hard for Shannon to sit through my bathtub because she's just got bad sex She's not a mask. You're forgetting My red bitch and then the Ryan's girlfriend is sitting there like this is a baptism for crying out loud y'all I know Have some respect so speaking of Nothing in particular. Let's have a respect speaking of having respect for others What's my father married to medicine? married to medicine Um, so I didn't take notes for the first like 10 minutes because I was eating food but the notes that I did write were That there was discussion about Shade about Mariah saying shady things and she's like oh He was light shade and then quad was like hmm early morning shade morning due shade It was shady for more. It was grassy shade shade. There was some twigs in that shade There was a little dude his little spider in that shade There was do's there was there's drinking do I have to shade because it was early morning shade pre alarm clock shade And then boom the alarm clock went off and the shade was up honey Honey don't go walking outside with your barefoot because you might step into some dewy shade Be a little wet you'll need a towel for that dewy shade Everybody confronts uh Mariah about her tweeting. So my favorite overall arc Of this has been that the first half Mariah was sitting backstage going oh, they need me. They suck. Oh, they're all idiots Oh, look. Oh, look at her her. Uh, what do they call it? The edges look at her edges. Oh, she looks fat Oh, she's terrible. Nah, nah, nah, and then when she comes out it's like Don't don't don't oh now the real show is gonna start on Don't pop my face. Don't don't don't don't angry Mariah two old queens carrying her train Don't don't don't don't and immediately she's shot down by everybody and spends the rest of the episode like well, I love everybody Yeah Okay Was there You were was there She tried to do the she tried to play a victim card It just did not work No one can do the victim card as long as quad is on stage when quad was like, I feel like I am the sacrificial lamb Or what well, how are you the sacrificial lamb? What did you do? How in the world? I don't even know why she was saying that And it was always to a question like you've ruined people's lives the season quad How do you feel she's like I was the sacrificial lamb. I was a lamb that was on sale for 799 But it became a day hold and it was sacrificed. I've been eaten by friggin's honey Like what are you even talking about? I was ground. I was I was sliced up and turned into sacrificial lamb schwammer People even hates me while I tried to give a speech in a rented living room How could you he's like oh that the question was how does it feel ruining people's lives and she's like It's nothing compared to ruining a good damn lamb sandwich Andy Uh, I like to think of myself as a hero amongst all of us as in I am one of those lamb sandwiches wrapped up in a pita from greece I'm a record lamb Andy. I've got a little mint on me choose some gum after me and you won't even remember I don't think you're ready for this mint jelly on my sacrificial lamb Oh quad I invented cucumber and yogurt dip No, here we go So mariah's confronted about tweeting and mariah's like Well, I'm supportive of my social following I re-tweet I just retweet anything they say if they say you're great I retweeted if they say you're a stupid bitch. You deserve that your husband's cheating on you And I hope he gave you some horrible deadly disease. I retweet that too. It's called support I liked how mariah So she was mad that no one reached out to her when she had the miscarriage like no one no one did and then Simone starts Yeah, she's like listen when people go through things Sometimes they don't want to be talked to okay Sometimes you wait for them to reach out to you instead and they're like why are you yelling? She's like I can't help but yell I can't help it. I can't stop yelling. I'm not mad. I'm just yelling. This is how I communicate Like so you're not mad. No, I'm just yelling. I'm actually a great man right now I don't know what got them on the theme of I'm sorry, but everything doesn't have to end with I'm sorry Because that's like the new thing this year. It's I guess that's the kinder and gentler Let's beat the shit out of each other with pants. Let's beat each other ruining each other's reputations all season long But when we say sorry at the end, it's okay When did that come in? I don't like that Because then it's all these false stories the whole thing was quad are you sorry? Well, I'll tell you this The sun comes up in the east and stars shine at night dandy and lambs die Lambs die. It's like Are you sorry? And finally after 20 minutes, she's like, listen Nicole. I would very much like to conversilize That the sorry has grown like a tree within me and a budding apple has come out of my wrist And it tastes like sorry, please take a bite. Okay. Thank you. Fine. Please enjoy this apple pie made with apology apples For the things that have transpired there within onto this point therefore heretofore medical Telescope me transpile you apple pie truth well as long as you're sorry And then they move on to mariah who's still mad at everybody the host whatever they show all mariah's Histrionics and and he was very very funny in this whole In this whole reunion. He was very funny. He told mariah So what was going on at that dinner cut to the dinner And then uh aid in getting his finger Family this isn't family and they're going crazy and then it cuts back and mariah's just got her like thoughtful popeye Face on where she's like nodding calmly popeye thinking about it sucking on a piece of hay or what have you And uh, she's like, well, that's just not how family's act. That's just my opinion, but I love everybody here I just yeah everybody here is wonderful. I'd love to have more dinners and and he goes Uh, well, that was a little much Yeah, don't you think I mean that was you had like a serious florence ballad moment there. Yeah, uh, I What I don't understand is they mentioned that aid incense some really nasty texts of ceasal and that never was explored And they never seem to confront aid in about that No, no, it was just like popeye nod once you start confronting with mariah with reality She can't take it. She needs to be the person who's always behind the door like Uh kind of like me, you know kind of like we were talking about in the bonus episode If you're the one who's talking about it, it's very easy to be Brazen and say whatever the hell you want, but when you're actually confronted by the people and the reality of it Not so easy. She's like, yeah, well, I'll just sit back Yeah, and she would try every now and then to make a remark, you know, at one point They were saying something about texts and how oh, I I think oh, this was about aden's thing about how Uh, aden sent these texts to ceasal and they were like it was so nasty and like my husband would never do that to the miles Well, your husband, da, da, da, da, da, and then mariah's like, well, a text is better than saying something nasty on tv It's like shut up mariah just say what did you just do for the past hour of this? Exactly you've said so many nasty things so but then what I like the One thing that made me laugh is then simona's trying to be very Heartfish. I actually always think simona's heartfelt, but she was being heartfelt to mariah. She says she's like mariah I don't want to I don't want to be hurtful to mariah Or her family On or off camera and at least nicole's like, but you did it to my family and she goes you and i are not close We are not friends least in the cold. We do not share phone calls Except for one time they all remember each and every phone call and text I just I just love the way simona goes from being thoughtful And genuine and trying to be nice and a bigger person like no not for you. Oh, yeah, riah I like I will be hurtful to at least nicole because I don't like her, but you mariah, I will not Yeah, uh, the whole thing This got really dark because really all the plot lines this year were super dark quad was right on that And he said how was this season for you? And she's like, this was a dark Deep hole hole of blackness and mystery and awfulness George's things happening to good sunsets in the wind What? But it was very dark all the subject matter, you know, someone cheating someone your husband possibly being gay the following people around the private investigators it was all gross um and Having them even get grosser through union was a sight to behold because I know this whole abortion thing is gross because mariah's using not abortion I'm so sorry. I said that her miss carriage mr I had her double miscarriage and is mad that no one visited her and she's using that Yeah as leverage, which is disgusting But then when they turned it around they were ready for it. So this time she said Well, how would you feel if you had a dump pop-eye face double miscarriage and nobody even cared and heavenlies is like Well, if I'm scared I don't want nobody to call me until I'm ready for them to call me. I don't want people to call me Well, I don't want you calling me if I'm a miscarriage. Don't call me and then yeah They all turned it around too. It's your fault We didn't call you because you were a bitch in the first place which exactly Exactly, but oh, it's hard to watch Well, but they were right though I think listen I think that if you are really close to someone and you hear bad then you call but I think I think it's it is a pretty personal traumatic thing and you sort of It's like a little it's weird. It's different than um I don't know. I feel like it's a different situation than like a death in the family. It's it's like a very saying Yeah, when some when my dad Whatever when this tragedy happened or when that tragedy happened or when her dad died I didn't hear about it on twitter I heard about it because we're friends and she called me crying and that's how I know and with you I find out on you know facebook or whatever. Why would I call that stuff exactly? I like the post, you know Not just like not like good way like You know, I'm glad something bad happens you but because there's no other button I just had to press the like so you know I saw it, you know, those were my flowers stunning the like By the way on another topic. I Was loving toya during this reunion. She was calling everyone. She'd out. She was so funny toya Be kind of became my favorite cast member all of a sudden. She was hilarious when When semone and lee sinere cole were fighting in the wake of lee sinere cole being like you were mean to my family Whatever. So lee sinere cole was like you were outright mean and then toya just turns He was lee say you were outright fake right now It came out of nowhere and was like moments like that all reading long she was cracking me up She was and whenever they tried to get her she'd just go that's true Yeah I old it. I old that that's the difference like everything about life. I rant But you know things I say I own that's good gene Well, we rented. Yeah, um, I didn't have love Uh, oh, yeah, I lose it My favorite singles lee's the least in the cult gem because I like the least things um So But I loved how also so then when when toya totally calls out lee sine and lee sis trying to peter case of toya And heavenly meanwhile is defending lee sa. I mean like if anyone should be mad to see such a mean lee sine lee sis not even being attention and heaven's like I'm talking. I'm talking I love that Yeah, heavenly. They weren't having heavenly, but they kind of forgave her and then daddy kept giving these speeches. He's like now the reason we are doing this show is because They're very talented people on the stage. Well, the husbands, you know, the husbands on the stage Are very talented and we're serious and you know, we we want to help people and inspire people And I just don't see it But I don't really see that. I'm like you came on this you came on a show about your wife Fighting with people and calling them stupid whores basically all strippers or whores, etc And literally didn't she call somebody a stupid whore? Oh, no, it was Jim You're a dumb bitch. Jill. You're a dumb bitch. Anyway You're inspiring. So it's still a show about women tearing each other down Yes, and then later on bravo, which is the network about women tearing each other down Yeah, and then someone said well, you know jackie's nice too. And he was like, oh, oh, yeah Someone said well, there are people who tweet us and they are inspired Like what are those tweets like and what are you inspiring them to do exactly? Yeah, you realize those are just like robot tweets that are like, thanks for watching our show Thanks for making like you said like a keyword and since I was like a tweet to go up and like you're inspiring from daily inspiration Then we had a really sad segment where we learned about uh, dr. Jackie's dad passing away and um She's describing what happened and his last moments and was like really really sad and really emotional and they're all crying and um, you know, it was like a very serious moment and at one point Jackie goes and I just I want to thank Every one of you for calling me and for the flowers you sent and then they cut to mariah Would there's look on her face and I lost it It was like one from being a serious moment on the show to the funniest mariah Could tell mariah was like, oh fuck y'all You called out to jack you sent her flowers but nothing for me. Yes jackie can smack them down with The kind of sounding words ever love it love me some jackie and then and then like not too long after that like uh, uh, uh, uh, I think actually jackie been acknowledged that there was a disparity in terms of the response And then she goes to mariah. She's like, you know, we all I appreciate we all we are all family and the support I really appreciate the the support, you know, and then she's like and that's why you know mariah Even if we don't call a prayer goes much farther So condescending and she is so funny because she smacked mariah down so many times mariah Was like, well, how do you think I feel blah blah blah and dr. jackie? She re breaks up with her, which is so funny like she didn't get it the first time. She's a crazy ex She's like now mariah You were we each had individual personality issues And we had problems with your behavior Because you were a terrorist who chopped people's heads off and we all hope that you die A slow death, but we wish you the best and mariah's like, okay, okay, but then how come okay now? This is why they called me and not you We are friends We are not friends It was good talking to you. I hope you feel hugged. It's like no She's just redoing it and mariah just had to sit there and be broken up with again So good And toy is just chomping on fake gum like when toya gets really mad. She starts chewing something I don't know if it's like fake gum, but she'll give a couple of chews almost like an anger like I told you to Love it. Well, jean. Well, jean. I want you to buy me some some gum until you do that. I'm just going to sound like I have it You know, I'm using the secret to get gum in my mouth. I've secretly gobs. Don't tell anybody or it won't work Get some gum from the ambulance If you give me a gob of fusion It's like but you're always complaining about mine. Okay, I'm sorry with jeans sometimes I mean So there was another part I caught out I don't even know what order run who cares. It's like a bunch of sobbing fake histrionics And I'm sorry as it don't mean anything, but I have like a few things here Jill they cut to Jill they cut to the whole uh, you know, lease them Lisa Nicole your marriage is bullshit and everybody knows how do you feel and then they cut to the fight in the strip club And they cut to the diary room of Jill saying she I don't know got to the heavenly fight somehow. I'm so sorry. I'm all over the place right now minutes It got to the heavenly place some somehow and Jill says You can't just say that every stripper is a prostitute That's like if I said that every dentist was a crook You just can't say that and I thought why are you personalizing the stripper? Because she's comparing it to heavenly calling herself a dentist, which she is So Jill, I mean, I don't know. Maybe it was just stupidity, but I'm like, maybe Jill was standing up for herself that whole time She's like, I'm not just a prostitute Yeah I don't know what it was. I just caught it and I was like that's weird that she kind of personalized that prostitute. Yeah because if she's saying like Yeah Like maybe that's how she got her degree. I don't know, but it's a respectable. It's a risk not respectful It's a respectable way to get your degree dancing through college. Why not? I'd do it. Why not? I've got the boobs If it was that time again and that's all that mattered I'd go to the shadiest place and I'll pass on just shake my hairy boobs around until somebody gave me dollars Dare to dream dare to dream Um, well then uh aden started talking about the hook He's like, he's like, you know, people disrespect me. The hook is gonna start smashing And then they just cut to everyone just like giggling like stupid and stupid aden. Yeah, it's like shut up aden No one thinks you're tough. Yes his foe like bad rug outrage shut up. Keep it quiet over there put a hat on And then uh, well, uh, dr. Darrin Uh, it was conveniently too sick to come to the reunion But uh, so that meant that andy had to ask ceasil And dr. Jackie's husband another great andy moment got to give you credit where it's due He said so where's your husband lisa nickel? Well, he's he's throwing up right now in a hotel room and he said yep Uh, if i'd watch this season and i was him i'd probably be throwing up in a hotel room right now too. Yeah, wow exactly Um, they have to be nice to him because he's the boss so she just smiles like you just patted her on the head That was a well, that's sweet. I'll tell him you said so So, um But then andy's are grilling ceasil and dr. J is husband about like Going to the strip club Which i don't know for some reason that seems strange to me because those guys weren't even really in the in the mix about The strip club situation and andy doesn't like it when anybody gets off scott free If he hasn't fucked one reputation Then there's a spot missed on the glass darling get that reputation D win decks. Let's unspotted yeah Like how dare someone leave us set happy So then basically dr. J doctor phase husband was sort of shady in his responses. He should have said well He did say well a man shouldn't have to shouldn't have to ask for permission, but um, he should have said well I don't ask for permission, but I let her know that's like the that's what he should have said And said he and ceasil were sort of like being jokey But afraid to respond and then they both finally like no we don't tell her why i was It's great. I was like, I feel like dr I forgot what dr. Jackie's husband's name is but he is like a basketball coach for high school I was like afraid for his career there a little bit that Him saying that he went by him saying that he goes to strip clubs. I was you know what you know I wouldn't be surprised because the world's crazy right now But I hope not because every guy goes to a strip club giving me a break Even I go exactly, you know, and i'm a gay guy, but yeah guys like to go hang out there Why not? I go to gay bars where there's ding dongs all over the place and you would think oh my god That's so disgusting, but it's not you're just having drinks. It's not like you're standing there like jerking off at the weird poor people standing on the stage You know Exactly So then yeah, that was awkward So then andia is pressing least in a call about the cheetah situation because member on the show She had she got mad at the stripper and a jill because daren would never go to cheetahs Then turns out he oh, guess what he actually he does go there and then and I think Andy asked her He's like so is daren and regular and she's like well He actually has been there more than one time. It's like no shit Sherlock. No shit. Congratulations I don't know what considered what is considered a regular if it's five times a week Eight times a week three times it wakes up there. I don't know. What do you consider a regular? Toya's like well when they remember your name another great toy a moment But we're famous not that famous and then he confronted her about uh what confronted He asked her about Jill and he said did Jill really get that stripper to do it? Like did you investigate further or whatever and she said well I was in the bathroom and I was talking to that dancer while Jill was there He's like uh okay so did she actually say anything like was there a fight that went down? Did you see Jill tell her to do anything? Well, I was telling this young woman about business It's like uh what is missing through this story? Yeah And so basically Jill no she didn't see anything she Jill got the I They had had the discussion already with the stripper That's why the stripper felt comfortable walking up to her and saying that was what I got from it But she's still using it to accuse Jill. She's such a liar. Let's listen to Cole She walks with any I told you when she first came on she seemed so nice But anybody with little girl voice has it's a fucking bitch every time They're always cruel at the bill behind that little girl voice I did like how Mariah sort of came to Darren's defense because you she was like She's like well, you know, she does is one of the best restaurants in town Oh, you know and and she is right. I forgot that it got that full eight-page spread in sevora magazine Yeah, she does And uh it just that they were trying to make it like oh, it's not even a big deal It was at the strip club, which it wasn't a big deal. That's what makes me nuts They're making it a big deal like the strip club was the thing It's not the strip club. It's that he's cheated too many times and he's still lying And then they showed the the gay affair again, which was such crap. I forgot about what they didn't really get They kind of breezed over that. They didn't really dig into that too much either Um, yeah, they showed the clip and uh Lisa Nicole said that was very hurtful and no Are your fingerprints on it? No, because she did not sign into instagram With her fingerprint on the iphone. So it's not recorded. So I can't prove it. I did I did have it checked out But no, there's not a fingerprint that it was her instagram and multiple pages, but that same gate. It's like, oh, yeah, you guys, you know It wasn't an aunt quad goes Well, I understand what you're saying, but I had nothing to do with it Yeah, that was the biggest bullshit biggest bullshit ever I think they probably maybe they just didn't get into it too deeply because he wasn't there and the you know it's a fine line In terms of slander or libel, whatever it is Um, and then Andy then then Andy was like, well next time I'm in a land I'm gonna take you guys to swinging richards and and dr. Jack is like, uh, what's that and quad like? Oh, it's it's a uh, it's a strip club But it forgets, you know, it's like I just like how she's gotten she didn't say anything wrong But I liked how she sort of explained it in this like This this sort of way That just made me laugh and this And then very instructional is very instructional like oh, uh, it's where you know gay things transpired There are flappy balls In a face, they call it a tea bag, but it tastes like sweat. Honey Um, and I like when Andy turns Reagan Yeah, Andy turned to them and said I'm gonna even invite all the husbands And then he looks over at least in the coal and she gave him Cruella look loved it Her eyebrows raised in like a triangle and uh, she looked pissed And I liked it. Andy was very shady during this podcast. There it will be And I loved every second of it my oh this reunion. Well, he yeah, I was shading in this podcast Yeah, because he because he can be it's there. It's such a jv show But um, uh, yeah, so that was that's the end of the marriage medicine season I thought the first two thirds were like blah, but then the last third I thought it actually got really good It was it was back and in classic form. So I guess we'll see what happens next year Yeah, I hope that they kind of lighten it up next year I'd like to see them get rid of both Mariah and quad. Yes, just let it be Crazy ladies having stupid parties in rented living rooms. I that's all I need I don't there's so much and I know we the stuff we actually talk about on this show is the darkness and the grossness But the stuff that makes it fun. Isn't that part really? It's like the fun part, you know, yeah Like Lisa going Lisa Vanderpump in the DMV never will get that as long as I live Just repeat that over and over with different cast. Let that be your new fake baby in a box. That's a real line So anyway, uh, that brings us the end of the podcast Um, thanks everyone for listening. Thanks everyone for enduring my Oddly timed jokes this episode my coffee wore off very quickly and I was like every joke I made I was like that didn't come out, right? Well, then you didn't have fun I well I had fun, but I felt like every joke of mine was just bizarre So you made me laugh part of it Thank you everybody. Um, you know my toughest toughest critic toughest critic So the one laughing the most sitting here. I have to listen to the whole thing being All right. Well, I think it's time for me to go to the bathroom So thanks everyone for listening you can follow us on patreon and support us patreon.com forward slash watch more crappins Like us on facebook. We are so close to getting 5 000 likes and that's cool Yeah, we're like 70 likes away. Yeah, thank you so much to everybody who's supporting us and who's Going and listening to those bonuses because they are becoming a whole other monster in themselves and they're really fun to do as well Yeah, and check out our vine. I just posted a new one today. They're so fun to mac Uh, we love you. Thank you. Go to patreon.com slash watch what crop ends get you next issue. Thank you to our premium subscribe And you guys have a lovely tuesday and wednesday and we'll see you this Bye Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime anywhere using your phone or tablet If you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on apple podcast prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go Tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey I'm lindsay graham host a wondry show american scandal We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in us history presidential lies environmental disasters corporate fraud in our latest series Entrepreneur lu pearlman becomes the mastermind behind two of the biggest pop groups in the world the backstreet boys and in sync He also oversees a sprawling business empire that includes a charter jet company Restaurants and real estate, but pearlman's successful facade crumbles after he sued by the boy bands for siphoning millions from them And soon investigators discover that pearlman is keeping his empire afloat through an even more devious scheme Follow american scandal on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts Experience all episodes ad-free and be the first to binge the newest seasons only on wondery plus You can join wondery plus in the wondery app apple podcast or spotify start your free trial today
