Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production, it's going to be like a radio play, you know? That's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best, waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those owners to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood s*ck?" So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at Mint Mobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of detail. Today's episode of Watch what Crapins was brought to you by premium subscribers, Claudia Catalina and Kristi Doherty. We love you girls. Now on to the show. [Music] Hello, welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcasts, the podcast about all that love. We have for Crap on Bravo. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm talking about. Welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcast, Armani Karen from Trash Talk TV. And as usual, I'm with the gorgeously thin, talented, thinking, thin, and loving life. Ben Mandelkerve, the B side blog and the banter blender. Hello, Ben. Hello, Ronnie. Yes, I love thinking thin and acting not thin at all. Acting against it. Think thin Valentina. Welcome to the show. Today, we've got so much fun stuff. But first, go on over to watch what Crapins dot com to find all of our links. You can find links to the iTunes, to the SoundCloud, to the everything, to our Instagrams or Vine. I mean, it's all there. We've been doing really fun vines at what Crapins on Vine. What else do I have to say, Ben? Well, you can talk about our music page. Oh, yeah. Come to Facebook.com. I'm reading it right now. That's why I'm not thinking about it. Come to Facebook.com/WatchitCrapins, where you can discuss the crop with other listeners and us. And we talk about shows during the week as they go live show threads. It's set to post your own articles there. It's becoming the best new source for ass lives. Yeah. And I think that's it. Follow us on Twitter, blah, blah, blah. We're having such a fun week. It's been like a Bravo avalanche with nothing really happening on Bravo. But well, yeah, I guess there is. There's like a lot of cancer stuff. But then we have shows like below deck where people like clean out the closet for an hour. And I'm still taking three pages of notes, tons of notes, tons and tons of notes. But by the way, you should also remind people that you can people can support us on patreon, patreon.com/WatchitCrapins. And if you support us there, it's just think of it as like NPR or public broadcasting, PBS, National Boo radio. Yeah, exactly. Just just pretend like you're supporting down Abbey and all things considered. Well, we are always worried about the rent. It is like an Abbey in that regard. And we're very snotty about it. Like we're rich, but we're really poor. And I always broadcast in shirt and tie. So I am very much like Lord Grantham. And when he always has a lovely hat, I'm a Mary all day long. I'm going to eat it more. You know, that's more that's more my style. So yeah, if you support us, you get access to cool things like a bonus episode. Our bonus episode from this week was bonus episode 52, which means we've been doing bonus episodes for 52 weeks, which means it's been going on for a year. That is crazy. We have talked about more nothing than Seinfeld's date. Yeah. Wait, how many episodes were there about like 9,000? Yeah. All right. That's our goal to talk more nothing than Seinfeld's more nothing than Seinfeld. But 52, I mean, that's a lot. And they're so fun. I love doing the bonus episode. The only thing that's hard about the bonus episode, in the beginning, they were just 20 minutes long. And now they seem to always be close to an hour. And then we do, then we record our normal episode. And so on those days, when we do the bonus episode, wow, that's a lot of talking for the two of us. It is, I get so sick of listening to myself. And then I just keep talking. I'll call people. It's an addiction. It's a talking addiction. Well, I think last week was it that we did normal episode, we did bonus episode and we did Google Hangout. And so by the end of the Google Hangout, I'm like, I can't banter about Bravo anymore. I just can't have banter with anyone right now. Google Hangout is hilarious. It's so funny getting to know people and especially over and over. Some of those guys, we've hung out with once a month now for a year, I guess. And you all get to know each other. It's so funny. We all know each other's pets and inside. There's always like half an hour into the Google Hangout. There's always some pet roll call where everyone lifts up their cat or their dog. That's my favorite part. And I have nothing to show. This time I lifted up my Lebanese cousin and her gorgeous husband. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true. I had nothing. And as long as we're pimping out everything, can I give a shout out to my friend Neil? Neil just launched his very own podcast that is very different from this one. It's called Past Present. Neil is a historian and he has a book coming out in like two weeks called We Gathered Together, I believe. And when cafes were put into castles, the history of the sandwich. So Neil is very smart, but he also is a dedicated watch for crap and listener. He and his partner Nate have been listening since the beginning basically. They listened to every episode. They totally support us. So I think it would be great if people wanted to support them that they did that. The podcast is more, it's definitely more intelligent than ours. What's it called? The podcast is called Past Present. And I can actually pull up the official description. Past Present. Yeah, it's-- Neil and Nate. That is the cutest couple name ever. Neil and Nate and Neil. Yeah, they're very smart. And they're actually just two great people. I love them both. So it's really like-- it's like my honor to pimp out their-- well, Nate's not on the podcast, but Neil's podcast. But it's a conversation style history podcast featuring three historians talking about what's happening in the world today. In our weekly episodes, we'll bring our unique historical perspectives to political and cultural debates, offering listeners an alternative to reflexive and polarized world of punditry. Amen, okay, that's what our bonus episode is at times. Reflexive and polarized. So anyway, go check that out on iTunes. My childhood. That's my childhood storybook that I'm going to draw. I'm going to draw myself as a big blobby monster coming after children with bangs. Flexive offensive punditry. They sound really cute. That sounds like a good show, and I need some good shows to listen to. That couple sounds really cute, but are they as cute as Kevin and Jessica? Because this continues Jessica's birthday week. So according to this-- Yes, I'm reading this email from her husband, and it's really cute. Okay, listen to this. She's my beautiful, kind, smart, and fun baby. I love her, and she means the world to me. She's turning 30, and we just got married on June 13th. You know what? That is the most beautiful thing. Hold on. There's another one that lists what they're going to do. Festivities continue through dinner tomorrow, party yacht, and limo around DC Saturday. Wait, do we know-- Wait, are these surprise events for Jessica? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Too late. Sorry, Jessica. Well, hopefully she won't listen to this till Saturday. Anyway, this is an amazing thing. There are so many things he's doing for her on her birthday, so I clicked them, which I mean, I can't believe I hadn't clicked them before, but finally I was like jealous of their love, so I clicked them and found them on Facebook, both hot. I mean, what the hell? Hot people love each other like this too? Yes, like they're really cute and stuff. I want to look at our hot super sponsor. So anyway, Jessica, for your gift this year, you've given me the gift of believing in love for other people. So thank you. That's the first step. Yeah, yeah. That's good. I'm looking right now. Anyway, happy birthday to you, Jessica. Wow. How can I, Jessica? Our hot super sponsor, Jessica. You guys, I love you guys. Thanks for sponsoring us. You guys are the hottest show, Ben. They are-- She is our hottest super sponsor. It's 8-- It's 8/11. It's pre-terrorism, so let's start. Let's start before 9/11 hits. Okay. All right. So below drink. No wait. First, let's start with Real Housewives of Atlanta. Yeah. By the way, today I slept, I think, nine hours. I feel great. I don't have a lot of coffee in me and I'm a bubbling idiot. So I guess I just need to be strung out no sleep to even get a sentence out. I have-- I'm sipping on my coffee. I just have my Think Thin Bar pre-podcast and I'm ready to discuss things. Okay, let's do it. So wait, we're going to press play at the same time, right? Hold on. Yeah. We're going to do a 3-2. Okay. So what's going to happen is we're going to watch the Atlanta trailer. You're going to hear it on the air. If this sounds annoying to you, then you can fast forward two minutes in the podcast and we will be done listening to it. Yeah. Okay. That's just a general rule for our podcast. Anytime something sounds annoying, just fast forward two minutes. Just go two minutes at a time until you hit a part that you like. Okay. All right. Ready? Yeah. 3, 2, 1, go. This season on the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Hello, ladies! The drag queen portion. The drag queen portion is like string cheese on her butt and a headband. Just a headband. Oh, that's our charade. Oh, here comes to the heels today with the hair. The one time of year, Kenya, more jogs. It's only on this show. You are famous to me because I didn't even know who you were. She doesn't know who she was. Of course, she doesn't really know who anyone is. She's like, what are you talking about, Willis? She's like, that was not me actually. You know, there's a lot of, uh, candy is now pregnant. There's a lot of portion only. She's a cast member. Really? So it still has really my back chairs in his dining room that is not helping your case, Todd. She told me that she talks to me every day. The kids talk to me every day. This is Phaedra and Apollo. Phaedra does not talk to Apollo. That's a lot. I'm going to give him one. Thirsty wins. I'm just going to date like a man. This is by the way, none of this makes sense to me right now. Someone's caught some date is calling Kenya homicidal. Here's charade. This is what they say to me. This is speaking my language. She's singing, singing, singing. She feels, she doesn't seem to be doing much. There's more portion. Well, Kim Fields has crazy hair in every scene they show right here. Like, she has different hair and I think it's her real hair. You cannot be okay with that. Oh, yeah. Cynthia and Peter are having issues over that video. That's not good. I can't stop Peter's brew. Oh, Dr. Jackie. Dr. Jackie's checking out, uh, Kit of candy. You can not imagine. I don't trust you. I want our relationship to be what it used to be. Phaedra. You can't do anything, Ron, and you don't need to be upset. Oh, there's Marlowe, Marlowe Hanson's back. Oh, Peter versus Kenya. She's the professor. You actually know that I'm so I'm really trying not to throw it. Shraya's never tried. Look at her hair and new hair every scene. Someone falls over. Kim Fields definitely has a lot of interesting hair going on. Wow. So basically I have no idea what's going to happen on this season, but I'm already excited because I don't feel that's crazy hair. Yeah, Peter gets in trouble. Oh, it was just, it was. And Shraya's back. I just made out with that girl in the club. So she would drink some Peter's brew. She has some Peter's brew. Viral marketing. My chlamydia comes with Peter's brew. It was viral, babe. Everyone's going to come. Yeah. Bar one. Bar one. Bar one, Peter's brew hybrid viral marketing success onto the highway. So I feel like this show never really went off the air. Did it? I mean, how long has it been off? Two weeks. Yeah. Two or three weeks, at most. It's like the longest household of all time. I know. Well, O.C. has been on a lot. This has been a long season. I think it's up to like 19 episodes, 18 or 19 episodes, which I'm loving. What is the project that Kenya's going to work on this year? I didn't see. Can you working on anything? Like I didn't see a workout video. I didn't see anything. I mean, I started pretending that she's a jogger, but that was maybe, let's see, she's already done a workout video. She's already done a TV pilot. She's already done a song. So I mean, she could do a movie. She could do a play. She probably should do a play. Yeah. I think a play or a musical. Well, the last, the sitcom pilot thing was kind of the play. They all talked like they were in a play. Welcome to breakfast. You are my mother and you are my sister. We all have the same contacts. What about our cookbook? I think a cookbook would work with your ally. Yeah. Yeah. After that first year, when she tried to cook for that date, that was good. You open it and every page just says, call someone. Yeah. It's basically one of those pamphlets that shows you where all the delivery places are. Yeah, it's an E24. It's like a valpack for a restaurant. Yeah. Or just a valpack with her face on it. I just had opened up a couponing distribution system. So Kim feels they don't show her doing much maybe because it's her first season, but surely she yells at somebody. I mean, who tells 2D they don't know who they are? That's great. Well, I mean, Portia doesn't really know anyone outside of probably like boy meets world. I don't know. She doesn't have a firm of reference on anything. They keep showing Portia in this swimsuit cover thing that's like the fadero butt. I don't know. It looks like someone caught a really, really nasty fish in the water because they're all parting on the water. Well, can you stomach, are those implants? I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm just going to say yes. They're like big, those big, ripply stomach implants. I love those. Usually guys get them. Stomach implants. You can do that. You can get admin plants. Oh, yeah. I saw it on the celebrity apprentice, whatever that's not here over the pond. It was so good. This gossip like the the Perez Hilton of there. I mean, I don't even know what that would be. He's like on Paris on Paris Smith, but he was on there and he got really fat, but he has fake abs. So the fat comes out, but then the abs come out too. It's so funny. Oh my God, I want fake abs. No, you don't bend because then when you have fake muscles, people still ask you to lift things and then you're like, oh, shit, these are fake. Like you have to come out of the closet. So okay, I'm on the Real House of Atlanta website right now. And these are the cast is Cynthia Bailey, Candie Burris, Kenya Moore, Kim Fields, major parks with his little arrow here. Let's see if I can click the arrow. And oh, so Portia Williams is a full fledged cast member now. She's back. Well, according to the website, she's listed as the cast bio. No, Shiree is not. Shiree is not a cast member. And that makes me mad. Oh, maybe it's like an audition. Well, what do they need to audition her for that we know about Shiree? Just put her in there. I have low, low hopes for Kim Fields. I feel like she's not going to add much except some sort of like novelty factor people tuning in to see her. Well, I saw Kim Fields in the vagina monologues in Austin, Texas. Oh, and about awkward. Oh my God. Watching 2D talk about her vagina for 10 minutes. Because you know that show. Have you ever seen the vagina monologues? No, what I saw was something called like the hot girl monologues or whatever insufferable. Like it was a response almost. It was it was 10 monologues. Spoken by hot girls and how hard it's got like, oh, shut up hot girls. Seriously, or oh, I was day rape. I mean, obviously day rape is nothing to make light of. But it was one of those things where it was it really was and it was just so insufferable. Everything about it was like, Oh, I'm hot. Especially in LA. Who does that? They're going to have a whole show about them being too hot to live. Shut up. I know. I think it's called like the lipstick monologues. I have to look it up. Well, and then Candy Bursts and Candy Bursts, she was in like the what was it called? Like the pocketbook monologues or some pocketbook. It's like the notebook, but for the real housewives. It was like season two or something where like a mess of my pocket book. Yeah. So anyway, you saw her in vagina monologues. Yeah, I mean, there's not really a story there. I mean, the vagina monologues is basically a bunch of monologues about vaginas. It was just really and it's pretty funny, but it was just awkward watching 2D do it. You know, like I was on a subway with my vagina and got bumpy and I blamed Blair unfairly, but you know, she does have an attitude. I'm like, Oh geez, just don't start talking about Blair and Joseph vagina. All right, get off the stage. I don't want to hear about your vaginas. I got a shit just because it's free tonight. I'm going to see Duran Duran. Oh, yeah, I know some people going to that. Enjoy those four songs. You know, I hope so. I hope it's one of those concerts. It's like, with a rant, a rant, a rant, a rant. Thank you. Well, listen, you'll get me taken out. You're hungry like the wolf, which we like. If you do a kill, girls on film, ordinary world, come undone. Maybe you'll hear white lines. And you know, I'm sure there's some other ones. There's some other Duran Duran hits out there in the world. It's like a really fun, crazy concert of songs you hear in the elevator, but they're open. Don't they have someone, someone cool opening for them? I don't know. I'm not paying attention. I'm just going because my friend told me to come. And I said, okay. He said the magic words. It's free. I was like, okay, I'll come because I feel like you should take free things, you know, never close an open, never close a door that opens to you. Otherwise, you just crazy in front of the grocery store bin. That's what I always say. I say that too. I say that too. This coffee is starting to kick in, which makes me feel like, as long as we're talking about Duran Duran, can I talk about something that I'm a little bit anxious about? And then we'll get to more Bravo. I swear to God people. So like two weeks ago, I have a pretty new polo shirt. And I noticed a little hole in it. And I was like, oh, that's probably from that time. I was like, I think I snagged that I was like walking in like something snagged me. That's probably what that hole is from. But I couldn't remember it clearly, but I remember thinking as I think I snagged it. But it was so small that it looked almost like a like a moth had been a little hole in it. And that like I once had moths like eight years ago. It was like the worst. Have you ever had moths before? Uh oh. So I was like, okay, whatever. And I noticed I examined the fabric and I noticed that like the fabric would fit back together. It wasn't like if a moth had eaten it, the fabric wouldn't be there. There's be nothing to fill in. You know what I'm saying? Uh oh. But just before this podcast began, I saw a little moth on my desk and I killed it. And I'm like, do I have moths? What do moths ever do? All they want is a little light. Well, the thing is, well, here's the thing. Apparently wool moths don't like light. That's what they like to go to closets, darling. So I'm hoping that it was just a regular moth. But I'm now I'm like really scared, guys. I don't want to just feel like a monologue from the hot girl monologues. It was from it was the moth monologue. Actually, we're at the moth. We know it when we eventually get invited to share a story on the moth. This is what my stories will be about, the moths. Literally the moth. And I'll be like, wait, wasn't that the point? I'm supposed to tell stories about moths. I was watching the mothman prophecies and I couldn't help but think, why does my life become? They're gonna boo you when you kill the moth. They're gonna be like, boo, who kills the moth? I paid a lot to see this show. I am but I'm like really anxious. I would like people to write in because the last, you know, if you get moths, it's a clean everything in your closet. And that's like annoying. I had moths. I've always thought, I remember my grandparents having mothballs and stuff and I was like, oh my god, I would rather they just eat your fucking coke because it's so disgusting smelling. Those stupid mothballs are like some weird old. It's like a mix of like, like, I don't know, like you're about to die plus Windex plus like bleach plus poop. I don't like that smell. It's great. Yeah. I mean, the one thing that makes me feel like I don't have moths is again, there was fabric in that hole that I could, you know, that showed like, it looked like more of a snag than a, than a chomping. And also, I do like my closet doors, just because I'm lazy, tend to be open during the day and apparently because moths don't like light, I feel like, well, no moths gonna go in there. There's so much light, right? Right, everyone, people back me up. Please, please. I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say except that if you get moths, you need to make more money so you can just buy new clothes. That's why I shop at Old Navy. Everything's like a dollar and it falls apart in five minutes. The moths don't even have time to get it. They're like, I'm not eating that. So I don't even know what that's made out of. No, like the shots of sunset. They're like, that's from H&M. Oh my god. The moths are all injecting themselves with Play-Doh. Hey, that moth has a new S. The moths of sunset. When moth is threatening to cut another one. Yeah, they like sliders made out of wool. I'm pulling. I'm gonna pull off your wings, batch. Oh my god. I made out with that girl and I got stuff all over my hands. God, it really, it really is fitting for that show. That's so mothy. Like Adam, he likes to watch free-balling, but I just like to just get down with twink moths. That's all. Can I be with just one moth for the rest of my life? I don't know. Moths only live to be like three weeks old, so they're always twinks. These guys, I want to thank you all for coming on this trip to this new closet. I know this was supposed to be a honeymoon trip for me and Adam, but he couldn't make it. So I'm glad that you guys all came to the closet with me. Bida is like the head moth, because you know she's got moths in her closet. She's like, "Your coat tastes disgusting. Your coat is looser." I'm Asa. I'm the mothy pop priestess. Oh my god, I hope that's the one you've smacked on the card table. She's gonna release wool water. She puts a little ball of wool at the bottom of the water. Light bulbs can burn me to death, so we're all going to touch one together in protest in front of the Las Vegas seafood buffet. I'm gonna wear a veil to protest hot lamps. I believe in moth freedom. You know like I think moths should be smushed if they're in the way, but you know I also believe in the moths right to be in the way. She never makes a decision on moth's rights. I think my favorite scene of Moths's sunset was when Mike jumped out of the plane and flitted with Jessica in the sky and proposed to her a ring made of wool, and she's like, "I'm gonna be a mothwife." Talking about somebody eating the linings of your pockets for the rest of your life. Have fun with that one, Mike. Okay, so now we'll move on from the real mothwives of Ben's closet into the ever fascinating, "Lolves!" What does "Lolves" mean? It means "Ladies of London." No, but like when people say "Lolves" or "Lolves" on the internet, does that mean laughing out loud like to infinity? Yeah, laughing out loud. I know, but when there's the scenes like I have, I'm having, oh that's just, it's just slanging it up. It's like I'm having many, many laughing out loud moments, and then you add the Z to be like, "It's so ridiculous. I'm a millennial." Oh, I get it. Well, we're still using the alphabet out there, kids. Well, maybe it means I'm laughing so hard. I'm one third asleep. I'm one third asleep, bitches. Okay, so hello, ladies of London. Oh my god, this show. Ten pages of notes. Just a warning. There you go. Valentina. No, it's now. Pauline, get Valentina. Give them my notes. This is so, so good this show. So good. So we open it apart, and it's so good because it's so stupid. This is like the best non-fight I've ever seen. Okay, so we don't need to do the previously. Previously, it was New Year's, everyone got shit faced, and then they all put on these animal costumes. I almost bought you on the other day, by the way, but it was the dog, and I know you don't like dogs. I would have taken a dog costume. I just saw it randomly, like a full, I mean, right before Halloween. That is just crazy people selling things to wear in costumes. I mean, the world is not, I was like, why is there a costume? Do you remember when people were trying to push adult onesies as the thing? Although, to be fair, my boyfriend actually has an adult onesie, but he's a dancer, and dancers can wear weird things and get away with it. But in general, they were trying, this was like, after the spirit hoods, remember, spirit hoods, there were those those like caps of like animals, but then they had the really long years that came down to your waist. Oh yeah, I like those things. So, after spirit hoods, they just, people tried to make adult onesies happen, and I will never forget, because this is a very hollow. Okay, I'm sorry, another detour people does not have to do the mods, but I'll try to get to this quickly. One time, like four years ago, I was hanging out with some people, I was hanging out with this really hipster girl, and she was like, oh my God, you guys, you guys want to go to like an art gallery downtown? I was like, yeah, let's do it. Let's be cool. So, we were driving downtown on the way downtown. This girl was like, oh my God, I just got a text. There's a party at Nick Cage's house. You guys want to go? I'm like, yeah, obviously. So, we went to this gallery downtown, and she's like, okay, we have to go to a club in Hollywood to find the guy to let us know. Let's get into Nick Cage's thing. So, then we drove from downtown, this gallery downtown to a club on a Wednesday night. We go to this random club, we find the guy, and it's like, so, we're going to go to this Nick Cage party, like, yeah, yeah, two a.m. We drive up to the hills to this party at Nick Cage's house. We get there, and by the way, I'm saying Nick Cage, because I hate saying Nick Cage. I say Nicholas Cage, but she was saying Nick Cage. We get there, and yes, it was a party at Nick Cage's house, but Nick Cage did not live there anymore. This is a house he had moved out of three years ago. It was just truly a party at Nick Cage's house, and it was all Europeans wearing adult onesies and trying to sell them. It was a onesie party. Wait, they were trying to sell them. Oh, no, I'm sorry. It was a designer. They weren't saying it. The designer of adult onesies was having this party, and so everyone was wearing adult onesies at 2 a.m. at Nick Cage's former former house. Oh, my God. That is so LA, and it's so funny because nothing here has really ever rebuilt. Like, they don't demolish homes here. They just keep remodeling and remodeling and remodeling. So, you know, it looks like there's 20 different coats of paint on all these matches and stuff. It's always struck me as weird this place, but every place has history here. Like, someone's famous lived everywhere. What are you going to do? You want to go see, you want to go see Bette Medler? This is the whole foods buffet that I saw in my time, okay? Enjoy it. Well, it's funny that they build this party as a party at Nick Cage's house. Like, they use that as a selling point, you know? Like, oh, Nick Cage used to live here. So, it's a party. I mean, like, well, technically it was his house, and then I fell for it because I'm, you know, I'm such a starfucker. But that, that, I mean, who wouldn't? I mean, the party at Nicholas Cage's house, you have to go. That sounds disgusting. I wouldn't. I'd be like, no, he's gross. I don't want to start his bad plugs because then it's going to make me sad. I was really excited. Okay. So, anyway, there's a London. Everyone's in their adult onesies. And they're European. It was just like the time I went to the party at Nick Cage's house. Well, you know, it actually does tie into this show because that's basically like a really LA story about starfucking or being excited and driving all night just to meet somebody you think is important, even though they're stupid. And so you drive around and you drive around and you drive around. And then when you get there, you're like, you're not stupid. You totally make sense. Your hair totally looks real. Picture of Nick Cage that's above the hot tub. And you're all fake. And it's kind of like the cast members on this show. It's like, we went to Nick Cage's house. Yeah, absolutely. You're absolutely right. I know Nick Cage. Like, you know, when you're in a hot tub and you're like getting like, like the hot tub, the bubbles are on you, that's exfoliating. Yeah. And so like part of Nick Cage was on me in that hot tub. That's how it's like, okay, Julie. Oh, you're doing Julie. Are you doing Julie yet? I was like, okay, we'll do some Vanderpump rules. No, similar, similar. You know, I have five voices that I'll use that again when it comes time. All right. All right. You know, important enough to sit down. So, um, so the episode begins with everyone, like, reeling from this allegation that Caroline had, uh, had was straddling and humping, Julia's husband Gregor wasn't in an allegation. Like she was literally like on him vibrating and humping him. Um, this is Juliet's line. I had to write it down because I love Juliet. And I hope she sometimes reads a audio book because I will definitely listen. Yeah. Hold on. Did you just like straddle my husband, like, on the couch? I don't know why that's so funny to me. Just the placement of likes were so good. Yeah. That's where my family unbuttons their pants after we eat too much on Thanksgiving. Hey, my family. Oh, America. Oh, you basically just hummed my cherished childhood memories. That's like, I can't believe you called it a couch. We all know it's called a sofa. Um, his grandfather died on the couch and now you're humping him on a couch. It's like, it's like sexually assaulting a dead grandfather. How dare you? How could you do this? Uh, like, uh, couch. I can't believe you would do that. I mean, we all know that unicorns don't even exist. So it's like insult to injury, making me excited for unicorns. Then you straddle my husband with my dream. I can't believe you do that. Um, well, my, my favorite thing is that Julia, she's confounded by this whole thing. She's like, Caroline thinks she did nothing wrong. I mean, how could she think that she did nothing wrong? I'm like, says the girl who turned away the venison and does, and does like about a million different social faux pas every episode. It's like, well, I'm America. It's like my memory. It's like my childhood. Like I have to. Like I just have to be me. I know. She doesn't follow any social, you know, graces or norms or whatever. And then she's like, I can't believe she did that. That's so tacky. Yeah. It's been up some venison lately and a cafe and a castle. You tacky bitch. I'm sorry. I just don't eat meat. Okay. I don't eat bambi. Okay. Like, is there any froyo in the back? Um, well, the best though is Sophie. Sophie breakout star. She her whole thing. She was drunk. She had this strange reasoning about everything. She just walks because it's all about variety. Julia is all about variety. Juliet, if your husband, if Gregor enjoys being straddled by a unicorn, then that's something you need to discuss over a glass of wine in dinner and let him do it on the reg darling. That's how you stay married. Meanwhile, her hot, younger, I don't know if he's gay, but I mean, I'm assuming husband, it's like, yes, darling, variety. I mean, Caroline's brother. He is hot. He is. He's so cute. So maybe I could teach rich. Yeah, probably. So anyway, also, when I see someone being able to put up with someone like Sophie, I'm like, that's my man right there. Sophie is hot though. She is really hot in that drunk. I love that she's just a belligerent drug. So good. She is. Well, I love then, then Julia's like, well, do I need to hump jam? And Sophie's like, oh, let's try variety. Jim has been begging for a little unicorn in his corn hole all night, darling. Jim, get over here, darling, bend over, touch your touch your toes. It's called exploration, darling. It's some marriage. All right, darling, darling, I have great news. I just got your subscription to Variety magazine. You learn everything you need to know. Let's try some variety. Don't get a paper cutting your willy, darling. That'll just cut down on life's variety. We'll need that thing. All right. Oh, you know, at this part, I could use a smorgasbord because I love variety. So then, Juliet keeps on with her. But that is so inappropriate. I'm just saying, like, it's like a couch and like my husband, like a unicorn, like, I'm just like saying, like, Caroline's like, oh, you're inseparable. And they're both Caroline and Sophie start flipping her off. They're like, yeah, wasted. So good. And Sophie's like, I find Juliet's behavior less acceptable trying to ruin the evening. Like, oh, I love when like rich British people just put down Americans. Just so wonderful and always deserved. Also, when Sophie, I don't know why I have this in my notes, but when Sophie's like, darling, it's all variety in the marriage. She's holding a banana. No one explains why I noticed that too. I'll just say that. I noticed that too. Why does she have a banana darling? It's all a listen, sometimes you want a banana and sometimes you want to pencil as long as you got something. It's all about variety. Okay, Jim and I are about to have a variety discussion. That's why I've picked up this banana. Jim, close it. You go you two. So then the three kind of old, there's some rando there who I'm not sure who she is, but she kind of looks like that lady. He used to be married to David Foster who was standing by the beach telling everybody to just appreciate the ocean. That was, I think that was Caroline's friend. Caroline Fleming. Yeah. So she's like just some rando drunk. So then her, Caroline and Sophie all give this like big group kiss. It's like too hard on the lips. Yeah, this whole night, I just kept pausing it and laughing. I was like, what is happening? And then they wake up the next day, of course. No, I'm not skipping to that day. I'm just saying in general, these people wake up the next day and they're like, manos. Yeah, you must have manos. At least when I made up with three old ladies at a party, it was because it was the polite thing to do on new years. I know. And I love how by the way, even the sloppier they get, the more indignant they become about Americans. Like then at one point, Sophie just goes, you Americans have no idea how to party. Just like everything, just damning everything the Americans do. Dropping shit everywhere, there's cigarettes everywhere, trash everywhere. Check the Americans are so tacky. It's like dumping a drink on the ground, you know, fucking someone with a banana and making out with an old lady in the corner. Love it. So then Juliet then kicked everyone out of her suite because she was sick and tired of everyone being bitches. So then they go upstairs and I love that like Caroline Fleming just had to take a staircase. They're like, don't take the fucking stairs, Caroline, take an elevator. She's like, nah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it this way because I'm Danish and I'm musical and I'll take the staircase. I was on the staircase dressed like a cow as the people would. Darling. And I wrote down, I don't remember what this is. Trying to be poor, darling. I wrote down, what does this mean? I says, Sophie's ready to dance, bitch. That's what I wrote down to. I wrote Sophie. I'm ready to dance, bitch. She's like, turn on the music. I'm ready to dance. Turn on the Doran Doran. It's ready to dance. Swan Lake. I know. I'm like grinding up against a banana and someone else's husband. Put on the Andrea Bocelli. I need to dance. Nothing makes me want to group around in the dark like our blind man's music, darling. Turn it on. Put on that fat Susan Lady from America's Got Talent. I need to dance. Last year in the end, I totally forgot. Boil. Boil. Sadest last name ever. It's like, you're totally caught with your pants down when you become famous with that name. It's like, I've tried all these years to become famous and I never thought to change my name. Mom. Hello, mom. Hello, mom. Isn't it funny that Susan Boyle turned out to be like a crazy psychotic diva? I just love that. We've discovered you when you're 16. She's like, I'm so grateful. Now, get me my light. Yeah, she throws her cluttered cream against the wall. She started screaming about some child who was going to beat her or something. She's like, screw that no talent little shit. Oh, darling. They have cameras on their phones now, darling. Don't say it. Oh, darling. Sorry. That was a detour that was worth it. Oh, memory. I got distracted because my phone is ringing. It's a business call, but I will have to just watch and call later. I apologize. It's a moth. It's a moth being like, hey, are my friends there? I think I left my sweater at the sweater party. I've ordered delivery and no one has delivered. I guess I'll just have to come there and eat myself. I really don't want to have mods. So then Caroline changes this whole thing into typical bully. Whenever the bully is punched, they start crying. And that is exactly to me what Caroline started doing. Suddenly, she's like a huge victim. Oh, I can't do anything without people. I'm hurting everybody all the time. I mean, what the? I'm just a horrible human being, I suppose. It's like she has Shannon Bador attitude in the rest of this episode, but with Caroline's voice. And it doesn't work. And then, while Caroline Fleming was reassuring her and her fake voice, like the same voice that she used when she talked to her earlier when she said, we must hang out. We will. We must. We shall. She's saying to Caroline, she's saying to Caroline about like trying to make her feel better. It's like, of course, you're funny. You're very funny. You're very, very funny. You're not hurtful. You're funny. You shall be at the Apollo. You shall go on that stage. They will not take you off. Don't forget to wrap the stump. That's what I tell the other people, the other people in my neighborhood who I speak to every day and you could possibly be on television showing the world that they do in fact have talent. Because not only does America have talent, but Caroline has talent. Caroline has talent walking up the stairs in a cow uniform. Do they give trophies for that yet? I love poor people. Hug a poor person. Grammy used to love to hunt the pools, but you know, I find that it's much better to just be friends with everybody. So Caroline's like, yeah, you know, I thought I was being funny, but apparently I've sexually assaulted Gregor. She's like, oh yes, but that was funny. I thought it was a riot. I like the way Caroline described it. Caroline's like, look, tell me, I mean, this is all that I did. And she's like, here, you, Sophie, you use it, or Marissa, you get on the floor, you lie down, get on your back like a stupid American would, get down there. All right. And now, here, this is what I did. And then Caroline just stands directly over her and doesn't move. Like, she's like the Washington Monument. And I was like, that's all, that's all I did. No, Caroline. Now listen, Caroline, I don't think you did anything wrong, but you also were not standing over her. Okay, like the frickin classes of roads. All right, you were when is standing over someone and looking down at them, disgustingly, disgustingly. Well, since when is that sexual assault? Oh, God, I can never go over a bike path again, darling. You don't think I'm sexually assaulting. I just look at it with disdain whenever I have to step over it, goddamn bikers. I'm sorry for the sexual assault bike path. I just can't win today. I can't win cannot. So Caroline, other Caroline is like, Oh no, darling, you're funny. She's like, yes, but first one woman is stopping. And then another woman's accusing me of sexual assault. And then, you know, before you know it, I'm starting to think that I might be doing something wrong. When everybody says you're a bitch, you're probably a bitch. Now be proud of it. Keep on, like it's no fun if you're a bitch and then you're going to get paranoid about being called a bitch. By the way, and congratulations to Caroline for being the first bravo star ever to connect to those dots. Even though she's not going to do anything about it. We just got the reports in. Turns out you're the problem, not the gift shop. All right, we'll hire 500 new employees so we can fire 507 tomorrow time. Pauline, clear out the desks. We got a really cute clip of her, but wait, it's not yet. We need to spend five hours in this party. And I'm still, I refuse to erase the note the wacky cow takes the stairs because that's the best thing I've ever written down. Either way, so Caroline was playing the victim here. She's like, I've just been put through 40 minutes of being called a husband humper. So if he's like, it was a joke, it was a joke for rioting jokes of a riot. I can't be able to say it was a joke. When they cut to Julia and Gregor and Gregor is like, I still have a boner. Okay. Okay, that's enough. That's enough. It's so inappropriate. How we did it at home. Yeah. That's how we did it. I mean, I'm going to talk to Caroline. I'm going to clear it out with Caroline. Caroline also did another reality thing. I didn't hump him. She's going off on this whole thing. And she goes, I feel like I've been pushed onto the bus. Yeah, that was classic. And it's not any other bus. It's a two store double decker bus like the ones we have in London. That's doubly worse. It's like one of those buses on the way to a poor neighborhood with Juliet's probably renting darling. I mean, how offensive is that? I've been carried over the poor. My remains have stuck to tires and have been carried into a poor area, darling. It's like taking the state of New Jersey and putting two wheels on and getting thrown right under it. Tell me of these buses. They do exactly. And when I'm thrown under one, how badly could it possibly hurt? I mean, how much force do poor people have? Honestly, let's be honest. Well, I mean, let's just hope they're under a lot of Americans on that bus. Otherwise, we know that we will be absolutely crushing. I was crushed by a bus with a handicap rat telling Tina how offensive that is. Pauline jumped in front of the bus. Valentina, don't drag her out of the way. Watch her watch Pauline, watch the bus go over Pauline. Yes, Valentina, enjoy it. So then they start having this cutting back and forth thing where Juliet is telling someone the story, I'm guessing the husband. And then Marissa has joined the others. Wait, let me see here. I know, Juliet, just say sorry and secure versus overly secure Sophie. He was enjoying himself. I don't know. Are we still on this fight? Because I have all this Sophie stuff. And then someone says my first reaction is vomit. Oh, you're you've gone ahead. Goodbye. All right. So have I used to him starting to talk like them? Yes, do you have one? Fucking so so what happened was then Julia comes up and then they start to fight all over again. And Julia's like, you know, it's just that, you know, Greg or he's just he's like really reserved. Right. So fill that night. And she's like, I'm going to go over and make sure everything's cool. Yeah. And so then he's like, you know, Greg is like really reserved, etc. And so if he's like, well, he was not reserved at that point. He really enjoyed it. He said it was the highlight of the night. Sophie, I'm chiming in every two seconds. It was the highlight of the night. Variety. Sophie's like, that's the first husband I've ever heard complain of having a raging heart on for once in his life. Sophie, hold it back a little bit. It's like, shouldn't you? Oh, how typical here you are in your bathrobe, not pleasing your husband. I hope he's reading a variety right now. Darling, what are you doing here with your bathrobe? I mean, I know variety is the sponsor of life, but doesn't mean you have to dress frumpy just to change it up a little bit. I hope your husband never loses a hand in an accident, darling. He's up the creek. Captain Hook, he can tell you a thing or two about variety. So then at one point, they they're all just like yelling at you. They're getting they're just getting matter of matter. Do they also stupid? She comes over so she can make sure she can still be invited to parties. Yeah. She's like, wait, maybe Caroline's mad. Then she comes over and she's like, Caroline, maybe like I didn't like get it across, but like I'm not mad. Like I know you're like totally joking and like maybe it's just because you're joking. Just hashing it out, but just hashing it out. And then someone was like, it was like, you're winding her up or whatever. She's like, yeah, don't wind me up. Don't wind me up. And then Sophie's like, well, I'm sorry for winding up. Well, I'm not wound up. It's just unnecessary if you wanted to wind me up, but I'm not wound up. Step on me. And then she was like, you know what? She was she was conflicted between wanting to vent and scream at them, but then also wanting to maintain a relationship with them and therefore be totally cool. Be like, no, I'm not mad. I'm not wound up. I'm not mad at all. I'm just saying, if you were to wind me up, it's totally not necessary. And because if you were, you'd get me really mad, but I'm not mad. It's cool. We're hashing it out. Yeah. And Sophie's like, you've wound up like a toy, which is probably what your husband could use right about. Man, it's called variety. Get him something to plug and plug the damn darling. Oh, wow, that's like, stop finding me up, Sophie. It's like a itself. That's like a dick. And Caroline's like, oh, you know, so good. And then right before she came in, they were telling Marissa what happened. Or they were talking about it with Marissa and Marissa, the other askers, like, oh, you totally didn't see anything wrong, darling. Because like, I thought and like, your thing wasn't touching his thing. As the co-owner of bumping restaurants, I can tell you with authority that you were doing nothing wrong and that now I should be your best friend. If everyone, if that guy's penis falls off because it's totally frozen, well, no, you did something wrong, darling. But until then, like, whatever. And meanwhile, like, as things are now, or like climaxing, Julia, Julia then starts to say that she was fine with it. She's like, I was fine with it. I was joking. I was lighthearted. I was fine with it. You were not. You were not fine with it. Because if you were fine with it, you would have laughed. But instead you were like, you crossed a line. You crossed a line. I'm going to throw my kangaroo hat at you. While it was Marissa who basically was like, okay, everyone shut up and be quiet about this is ridiculous. And then I spoke with him after, as he said, it was wonderful. I pretended I was a reporter and I called him and I said, how was it? He said it was wonderful, darling. He loved it, darling. Stop running me up. So the morning after, that's when Caroline wakes up and says, my initial reaction is vomit. My second reaction is not vomit. Valentina, vomit, Pauline, not vomit. Valentina, bucket, Pauline, vomit. Valentina, bring in a napkin to hold back Paulina's hair while she vomits, and then both of you come wipe my face. I spoke with her and she said it was, wait, I spoke with him after. Oh, yeah, it's still Sophie. I can't erase anything. Sophie writes. I just love it. He loved it. I called him after he loves it. Okay, so Marissa is like cleaning the hallway, which is hilarious. And then Juliet wakes up with her husband. And she's like, oh, no, maybe I made a rich person mad. I better get some energy. She calls down for her. Yeah, she calls for room service. And she's like, Hey, it's Juliet. I need like, we're like, I want super fan. Do you have anything that's like super like green stuff? Like, make me a super food smoothie. Like what I grew up on in Chicago, it just would make me feel more like New Year's Day at home. That's all. I just I just want to be like home super foods, green smoothies. He's like, all right, miss. I'm sending up some mayonnaise. It's been shaking with some butter and I don't put on some milk. All right. Okay, we wrap up a newspaper close enough. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the morning, Julie, Julie has already done yoga. And now she's like hanging out with Annabelle. And touch your toes, touch your toes. Okay, I'll touch my toes. I'll be touching my toes by the times class over. Don't worry about me. Progress is progress is our own, isn't it? Okay, good job. You're touching your toes. Oh my God, you're new. How did she do that? So Julie is just having a day after talk the morning with Marissa and Annabelle. And she's like, you know, I know I have high sensitive personality. I've got HSP. I just that's just what I have. And I was like, well, how about you just pretend like you don't have any feelings at all? And I was like, yes, I remember getting those little buggers burned off during years after night of partying with my gorgeous friend. I meant all through everything. Next thing you know, I wake up with the pups everywhere. No, HSP. Never mind. I don't know what that is. It's an America thing. We don't have that here yet. What are the super foods you speak? I don't know what the highest sensitivity is. That's something that maybe Alexander Felt. So then Caroline does what any, any bit you woman who has pissed off her friends as she calls her faithful gay man. And she bends everything to him. And she starts talking about how Julie lost at a dinner the night before. And she's like, Julie is literally crying. I mean, literally sobbing, literally crying. I mean, I've never seen literally. And they just got sobbing. You've criticized me a teacher in front of the whatever. I mean, disgusting. It's disgusting. It's so good. And then it cuts to Julie being positive with Annabelle. She's like, well, you know, it was really fun. I mean, my kids weren't here. So at least I didn't burn anything. I mean, usually they're the ones calling me a loser. So it was just kind of weird, you know, but Caroline apologized. And I mean, she seemed like she really meant it. Like she really meant it. And then it cuts to Caroline. Like, I didn't mean it. Yeah, she goes, really, just like, you know, at least it was at least I got a heartfelt, sorry cut to actually, I'm not sorry. I'm really not sorry at all. I'm sorry you're disgusting and pathetic. I'm sorry of a terrible yoga teacher. And then Marissa comes over and wait, no, Marissa and Caroline, well, at that point, Caroline's like, I actually find the whole thing really, really aesthetic. They kept playing these. They always play stupid music in the show, like girl power songs. But today they were really on the nose with everything they played. Like there was a song about everything. It's like getting in my car now and somebody getting in their car or Juliet, cleaning off her feet and it's like, clean up after the party girl power. It's like a song about every literal thing that's happening. Fighting about saying you're sorry. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry. Caroline's like, I'm not sorry. I'm not. Well, then when the women all convene for brunch and people are they're all meeting at Juliet's suite. And I think my favorite line, they all were like, oh, no, no, good morning, good morning. My favorite was Sophie, who had such a, I forget the word, like, it was a cutness. No, no, she had a very cut business thing when she walked in. She goes, how bad do you feel? I was like, oh my God, that was such a brilliantly nasty way to say good morning, you know, because they both were saying like, are you hungover? You look hungover and don't you feel shitty about everything you did last night? It was so amazing. I was like, oh my God, I love this woman. How bad do you feel? She's like, well, it's good to see you. You know, this morning when I woke up, there was a comment card inside the unicorn outfit and it said, thank you for a wonderful, amazing night. I loved it. Gregor. All right, let's just drop it now. You have no reason to keep it going. And then the hippie, I love it. And then the hippie Caroline comes in, she's like, hello, everybody. Cut more. What a positive, beautiful morning. I heard someone got dumped. Let's talk about the humping. Let's talk about the humping. Oh, I do wish we could have a giant thing in the middle of this table that we couldn't see each other around. Oh, that would be lovely. Bront and bunt, and bunt, and brunch with breakfast. Breakfast made out with lunch, and now it's brunch. I mean, Sophie, Sophie was miserable. She was like, I'd rather, I'd much rather hide under my duvet. My duvet. My duvet. My duvet. I have ten duvet. Duvet is because I love variety in my duvet. Let's try variety with the duvet, right? They both have V's in them. Personally, I'm like lying around in my duvet all day. So there. And then Julia is trying to pretend nothing happened, even though she didn't do, I mean, she was annoying, but she didn't really do anything wrong, but she's trying to keep rich friends. So everybody's coming trying to pretend, well, kind of trying to pretend nothing happened. And Caroline comes in and Julia, it's like, hey, Caroline, you look as fresh as spring daisies. Caroline's like, what's that supposed to mean? What's a spring daisy? What the hell is a spring daisy? And Julia, it's like, you know, like a spring daisy. Like a daisy in the spring. So is that like a daisy? It's made of springs, like coils? No, no. I mean, maybe, is that, would you like that? I suppose a spring daisy is a terrorist that lops off people's heads, because that's how I feel today. Terrorist. I suppose a spring daisy is someone that rapes husbands, because that's what you told me last night I did. That's what spring daisy does, just gets all up on your husband, dressed like a unicorn and humps him. Is that what spring daisy does? In that case, yes, guilty as charged. The minute, the second after, what the hell is the spring daisy? The minute after the men are like, okay, let's give them to the next one. You can also see, you could also see when Julia is like, yeah, I spring daisies, you know, it's like a spring daisy. You could see her inner monologue was like, fuck, I should not have said that. What should I have said? Is there a British word? You look like a fresh scone. Ah, fuck it, Julia. Why? Why did you not say that? Oh, really? Dry and crumbly. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for that. That's great. Do scones rate? You look like the bees' knees this morning. Oh, really? That's because you say I was stinging and got wrinkles on me. I was just like on my knees. Do scones rate the husbands of bagels? Is that why you're calling me that? No, no, I mean, you look beautiful, like a beautiful summer morning. Oh, beautiful. So good morning. So it was too hot and too hot. Yeah, I should be staying away with your husbands that we're saying. Caroline has pissed. Well, apparently, I was a bull in a China shop last night. I could do nothing right. And Julie's like, yeah, well, I'm sorry that I was acting like that. And I didn't mean to get so upset. But you know, I had a lot of toxins in my body because I tasted the mac and cheese that I made for the kids the other night. And it was not the brown rice kind. But I am very thankful that you apologize for me. Well, actually, I apologize to you. I've attracted my apology. Just like, what to yourself? Yes. I decided I walked in the hallway and said, no, I don't apologize. I retracted it. I retracted it my whole way. Julie's like, you can't do that. Yes, I can. No, you can't. You can't just retract things in hallways. Yes, I can. I did it. And Annabelle's like, this is a really ungracious moment. Alexander always said, never be ungracious with your apologies. And I agreed. Rebel Alexander. Annabelle is ready to go after Caroline, which is so funny because whenever they show Annabelle talking to the Americans, which she's like the American's friend now. And every time it's like these American women going crazy and being emotional and her just sitting back and looking at them like. 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But like all the Americans are either flocking to one or the other. They're either the monkeys or the the munchkins. Meanwhile, they go back and forth. Meanwhile, the poor little lost American girls who aren't being crushed by the weight of a house. Poor Jill. Just like that witch, the house eventually crushed me to death. No, I'm dead. So, sorry, death apologized, but then they took it back. Variety. Variety be like, I witches have variety. We like to have good witches and bad witches. Let's try variety. Shall we? I'll tell you this, both witches would have had their husband sumped on me. It's just how we do things. Get over it, America. I retracted. So good. And then Julie, why am I not worthy of an apology? Am I just that kind of person? Like nobody feels like they have to say their story to me? Oh, Julie. Yes. Yes, you are. But it's adorable, please. Number change. And then Annabelle is like finger brushing Julie's hair and adding her oddly. And she's like, well, I don't approve of that. Sorry, you have to mean it, darling. She's like, yeah, yeah. It was just weird, like an awkward, like sad little child mix between a headpad, a head pull, and like a finger. Oh, I don't know. She's like, darling, I'm just trying to comb the dates and caches out of your hair from all your jub balls. Darling, my fingers are still burning from having them trumble through your bad dye. Oh, yes. Do something about this, darling. Darling, do you have burnt cocoa powder in here? I didn't even dye my hair. I was just trying to make chocolate milk and I fell under the stove and they all died. This has grown like this ever since. We call that mapper tin lice. Oh, I got a better dye, but the thousands can't like me. So then the then after this all pretty much ends and then a few days later, we see both carolines taking a walk and just, you know, just general patter and then caroline stunsbury. Is it stansbury or stanbury? Because they mentioned they said stanbury a few times. Either way, it doesn't matter. She opens up the caroline and other caroline. Yeah, so she she opens up her phone and she and she gets news. She goes, Oh, my, oh, my good God. Oh, my good God. And the issue is that there's a picture of Marissa in the Sunday times holding a hot dog up to her face. Kind of like you wouldn't catch me dead in the papers with a wiener in my mouth. She was so horrified by this photo. And then actually a lot of them were. And then why am I the one accused of sexual assault, Marissa sitting there sexually assaulting a sausage in the newspaper? Is anybody going to say anything about that or am I the only Hitler here? I mean, you might as well take some soil draws and stuff them in your mouth and go on to the daily mail. I mean, what is this? Even dresses unicorn. I wouldn't do that on a couch, much less a newspaper. And she's saying, Oh, well, I've been in the Sunday times a few times because, you know, marriage and the things that I do and, you know, money. So I understand what it's like being on the Sunday times, but eventually they turn and it's not always fun. I've been on that crest many times. Pauline get on the crests. Valentina get her a ladder, put her on the crests. Pauline, one step. Valentina hold tight. Pauline take another step. Get on the crest. Pauline. Okay, now that you're on the crest, I'm going to push you off. Valentina catch Pauline. Pauline, go. Pauline, fawn over my picture in the Sunday times. Valentina, watch out. Please clean up Pauline's urine on my picture on the paper. Listen, every time I put down a paper does not mean you just get to pee. All right, Frederico. Now email that to Paulina who will have to email it to Valentina to read to her. All right. Take her outside. Bad news, man. They cut Pauline's photo ad out of the Sunday pages. That's good. That's good news. No, they put her on the front page instead, man. Oh, this is just Pauline get off the front page slow. Bad news, mom. We were going to we were going to make fun of the picture in the times, but they've stopped delivering to norm payment, mom. Oh, that's just it, then. Bad news, mom. We have nothing to put our fish and chips in. Bad news, mom. Valentina's eating her keyboard. Bad news, mom. Valentina's a goat now. We got her from credit and death at Shropshire. There's going to be a picture of her in the Sunday times. She's apparently the rage of all London now, man. She's on the crest. Oh, Valentina. I'll probably be in the next Sunday times, you know, I'll be the crossword puzzle clue, cold and feeling bitch. It got thrown under public transport because she sexually assaulted someone's husband. It's the longest clue ever. Thanks a lot for embarrassing me in the times. Clothes the times. Bad news, man. Bus drivers on strike. You can't get run over by them. That clue won't make any sense to be bad news, mom. Bad news, mom. They discontinued bad news, mom. The puzzles angry at you. What have I done to the puzzle now? Have I done something to everyone? I don't know, mom, but it says it's cross. Oh, that's just it. Now I've raped a puzzle. All right. Just, you know, close the whole company down. I'm spending time spending more time with my family. Bad news, mom. They've discontinued your crossword clue. In place of a stokeu. Oh, well, goodness gracious. Has everything just gone down the loon now? No more crossword puzzles, just only stokeu. I mean, look, we can't have these Asian games thinking of our papers. I mean, what is this? The Marissa paper? How could they come? How could they replace me with a number game? Don't they know what I'm going through with numbers? How could they do this to me? I'm here, clap. That's it. I'm hitting the rapist. All right. Tell your friends. Put it in an email. Pauline, give me a number, Valentina. Double check it with the other grid. Paulina, you gave me a one and Valentina. You gave me a one. You both gave me one's on the same row. I mean, this is the reason why the gift shop is going under. You both can't even do stokeu. Okay. You have to give two different numbers of stupid idiots. Pauline, go to the stock room, find a different number. When they showed the clip of, what's the girl? The dog's like that. What's her name? Raina. Raina. Raina. Okay. They showed Caroline. Caroline. Caroline's like, my whole business. Everyone thinks I'm so fabulous and rich, but the truth is, if this business doesn't stop making money in two weeks, we're going under and then they cut to a flash rack of Raina, just like with her mouth face about to sob. I started crying so hard looking at that. It was so funny. She doesn't even say anything. It's just like a 10 second shot of her face looking like she's about to sob. Oh my good. Caroline's like, is it bad? Raina's like, yes, it's bad. Well, this business. Okay. So it's buying things for rich people, right? So it's like a gift service for rich people. It's basically Caroline Sandberg's version of Epoch or Slumber. But how do you make a ton of money doing that? Don't you just get paid based, like, don't you get kind of a commission based on whatever you bought? I don't know. Why do they have 500 employees each with a cubicle? Like, how big is this company? And then you hear talking about, well, you know, we've borrowed 19 because they were getting pounds from the Shahs. And if we don't return it by this week, there'll be head mean, put me in the streets and that will be humiliating. I will not have that happen. Valentina. So 10 snow globes this afternoon or you're fired. Molleen, shake the snow gloves. Valentina, put them on the windowsill. Hide the snow gloves before they're taken by the bonk. Who invests in a business that's never going to make them? She's like, we need to get more money. What we need to do is convince people that rich people need someone to buy them gifts. All right, do whatever you need. Get a plane in the sky in a hot dog on the goddamn newspaper. I don't care. Make sure you're doing it sideways. So everybody's asking, why doesn't the American know how to eat a hot dog? Has nobody asked themselves that question? But I suppose I'm the rapist. Why don't you do your hot dog? Let me see the pizza. It's doing it all wrong. It's not a corner of the cob. So anyway, that's theme of the hot dog. So Caroline is shocked by the photo. Julie's like, oh my god, that's crazy. Her photo is in there. But of course, what she does, she does PR and I can just hope that someday I get that sort of press for job. And I know that when I want to get that press, what am I going to do? I'm going to call my wrist off. Oh my god, job at the times. Yeah, that's what you need. We need another American in the Sunday times like juggling balls in her mouth. Like, yeah, isn't it bad enough? The first one has a wiener. You're going to teabag your terrible nature balls. Come on, people like think. And this is the legacy of Caprice. This is the legacy of Caprice. Totally. If the Americans aren't all stupid, then what's the point? And you know what? I think I just asked that question is bravo and I've answered it with ladies of London. Darling, yes. So then Marissa goes and opens up the well, she and her husband open up, get the newspaper and they see it and Marissa has like this faux modest. She's like, Oh my god, that's so embarrassing. By the way, why is this an embarrassing photo? I think it's a totally fine photo. It's just her with a hot dog. It's not it's actually not even in a phallic way. It's just holding a hot dog. Oh, but the cuts to everybody in town, like in the times with a phallic symbol in her mouth sideways. I know it's like it's like a long loss cut scene from Amadeus or something like, Oh my god, I can't believe this happened in front of the Emperor. She's supposed to be licking it like it's disgusting. No one does it sideways like that. We don't even do that from here, Americans or I get it together. Yeah. So after that happened, then Caroline is again with her gay and she's bending about all the issues with the issues with the gift library and she's like, you know, I'm working all these hours and I have three children. It's like, I was like, Oh, poor Caroline, you know, she's probably very stressed. She's probably like, you know, if I don't have any time, you know, I want to spend more time telling people how to raise my children. Exactly. It's like, everyone can't do everything for me. Maybe it's some time to watch my children grow up safe the business. Please save the business. But she's acting like a politician when politicians get caught fucking a guy in the bathroom or, you know, like generally cheating or, you know, giving away state secrets, stuff like that. There was like, I'm, I'm not fired. I'm just quitting to spend more time with my family. And she's already doing that lame line as if she's being forced out of office. Like you don't hold office. Okay. You buy a gift company serving rich people. Like, yeah, just get it straight over here. And then meanwhile, customer rissant, she's like, Oh, that is crazy. Oh, this is amazing. Every. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. But you know what, at least I've like stood out of the shadow of like, my husband, who's like, always the one like, he's the star. And now it's all about Marissa. Like, Top Chef, the lady who imported hot dogs. It's like, the lady who got the certificate to import Oscar Mayer into London and charge $15 for a shitty hot dog. Yeah, you know, she's the next guest on Top Chef. I think this has much too much cilantro. Too much too much. This needs more relish. So yeah, so then Caroline is afraid that she's going to have to liquidate the business Valentina liquidate Pauline liquidate to everyone liquidate liquidate your desk. I don't even know what that means. It's the coffee. You know, it's the coffee. All right, Pauline liquidate Valentina. I'm sick of looking at it. If I have to buy another office chair, we're going to go wonder, we can't do that again. You can't just have people standing about, can you? Liquidate liquid data Valentina throw out Pauline stapler. Pauline step or something. Poor terrified Valentina shaking in a corner. Pauline go to the stockroom, get another stapler. Valentina throw out something else on Valentina's desk. Bad news, mom. Valentina choked on one of her own bones after I liquefied her mom. Well, at least we don't have to pay for lunch to take. Swiffer. Man, what should I do with Pauline's Susan Boyle series? Liquidate all of them. All right, mom. Bad news, mom. They broke the trash compactor. Oh, good god. Valentina, Valentina stomp on Pauline Susan Boyle series. Faster, faster, slower, slow. Across Susan Boyle's forehead, stomp. Oh, that bad news, man. Wow. Bad news, man. Valentina has Panatopaciatis. She can't stomp any longer, mom. All right, then you do it. All right, mom. My honor, mom. Bump. Bad news, mom. We were liquefying Valentina, and she's got HPV. Oh, it's all right, darling. It's just a sensitivity thing. It's an American thing. All right, shoot her in the head. Shoot her, shoot her. Pauline, Pauline come out of the stockroom. All right, Pauline, now that you're here, go play one of your Susan Boyle series, go. That's right, the honor in Pauline. None at all. All right, snap out from that, Herbert's shadow. So the big, the big dick place is not even mine. Oh, and the husband's like, this is amazing because it's the first time that someone's gotten this kind of publicity without a without a location open. Oh, geez, you haven't even opened the hot dog stand. She's like, I know, it still smells like a piss, but like eventually we're gonna like clean it and then we're gonna sell hot dogs. I'm so proud of you, honey. I really wanted to buy this this space that way I could say piss off for many different reasons. Mm hmm. Stupid. I know. I know it was stupid. You don't have to give a sympathy laugh. It was stupid. No, I wasn't. I was giving you like, Oh, God, thank God this run is over it. Poor Valentino, like we've abused that poor woman so far. She's been chopped up in a garbage disposal, drank herself. I asked just today. What else? She's been stapled in the face. No, they've taken, they've taken her five different office chair. Pauline is younger, you know, so like, Pauline, Pauline just had all her Susan Boyle CDs destroyed by Valentina. Oh, she was in the stockroom getting a finding a stapler. You know, I, Susan, we're only staff to come back. I mean, if Brittany can do it, I dream to dream. Well, Brittany's come back and be like, I dream, I dream. I don't know. I hope that she is the new voice judge next year, how they always get new pop stars. They're like, it's Susan Boyle. She's like, that's sanded like crap. Don't choke on it. You're little teenager. She'll probably get motion sickness from turning around in the chair so quickly. So let's see. The next note that I have is Juliette wants apologies. And then they have a norm. They have such enormous. Oh, okay. So they Juliette and Greg Ora go to play tennis. Oh, yeah. This is when Juliette's like, I deserve it. Like, you couldn't even like call me and be like, I'm sorry, because like, who like, how does that work? Like, I need her to take responsibility because like, it's important. If you don't take responsibility, your electricity gets turned off. Like, that's just how it works. Like, I didn't make up the world. And then the song comes on. Well, they also like, I just love that she Juliette spends so much time acting haenously. And then she's the one who demands apologies from everyone. You know, it's like, you know, just just just move on. You're in London. So the way you deal with it is you just shut up and you tuck it away into a small place with a variety of other grudges and just ignores. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you can either be mad or you can have hors d'oeuvres at Castle Cafe. Like, take your choice. You can't have it both ways. You can't feel things and being invited places. All right. Yeah. So then we had a scene of Caroline with her kids, which was sort of akin to the sound of music when that new lady comes in and she's awful with the children. And you're like, waiting for Maria Von Trapp to take over again. So Caroline has Caroline's with the children. Or Maria's in the corner, like sewing herself up, like curtain dress. Yeah. We shall do this again. We shall. We shall. Caroline is just like cold and unfeeling with her kids. She's like, child number one, napkin, child number two, eat. Choo. Choo. Choo. Slowly. Slower. We're going to choose slowly, aren't we? Child wants to sit down. At least they're being raised right. The kid, one of the kids is like, mommy, I don't want you to eat. Like, well, that, now that fat shaming your own mother. Now, that's how to raise a child. Caroline's like, that is the sweetest thing you've ever said to me. She's like, if I don't eat, I'm going to kill over and die. Would you like that? He's like, yes. What are you going to do when I, when you wake up and I'm not there in the morning? He's like, ah, that's, isn't that every morning, mommy? Yeah. Yeah. That's a difference, mommy. Just shut up. Stop talking. I would be more. I would be more scared if you were there, mommy. I would mean that daddy died. Mommy is going to show you how Valentina Staples lips shut, turning. If you're not good, I'm going to send a scary witch from my office to you. Mad news, mom, the children don't want me to see me anymore. And then she goes, I love being with my kids. And then it cuts to her and her gigantic shoe closet stirring in shoes. Yeah. She's like, they're so silent a little time. They're sharp and pointy. But when there's a crack, I just have Paulina throw down a rug and we're fine again. Oh, motherhood. So yeah, well, the best thing is that Caroline, Caroline's like, you know, sometimes I just need some time away from the kids. I'm like, I know that that 20 minutes you spent at the dinner table was just shoe taxing. Do you know how difficult it is to eat a jelly dot with two odd looking twin things staring back at you trying to force macaroni down your throat? I mean, they don't even speak proper English. I mean, well, how am I specific conversation with these two idiots? Call me when you learn how to use a phone telling. I'll have Valentina message you back. Call me when you learn how to wipe your face instead of act like stupid Juliette as part of a tomato sauce all over the mouth. Would you like mother to read you a goodbye good night story? All right, here it goes. Once I had freedom and then came you good night. Yeah, would you like would you like a good night story? All right, here it goes. Good night. Would you like me to read good night moon to you? All right, here it goes. Good night, you insufferable piece of intergalactic trash that all this this good night. Good night. Good night bedroom. Good enough. This is awful. What does there's no narrative artists enticed? I'm just just go to sleep already. Shall I read you a good night story, darling? No. All right. Clear this one. Clear him. Just inject him with something. Put him to bed telling his MP and bad for children. Well, you're still alive. All right. What'll away now? What'll away? I've got to do Peepit's post. It's a most horrifying thing I've ever seen. Clear. Forward. So next page. So then Caroline goes out with Jim. Oh, wait. I'm so sorry, Ben, because you're right. It is time to move on. But, um, a way I retract. I'm apologizing. Wait, hold on. Let me go to the hallway. I can't believe I can't believe I've retracted your apology. Just to note, so they're playing tennis. And, um, hold on. Where was I? They're playing tennis. And the husband's like, Oh, you know, I mean, just sounds like, you know, she's just being herself, like whatever. I mean, I came and then Juliet's like, that is horrible. Like, I mean, did you hear like when we were on the phone, how she said she's got to wipe the floor with us? Like, did you hear that? He's like, Oh, it's just her humor. It's just like, well, you do sort of look like a mop. So I think it's pretty appropriate. It's like you spend enough time at home. Just please be nice to people. Well, you know, I mean, Julia, I mean, let's be honest, you do have the body of a swiffer. I woke up with Dustin on my forehead. Like, that's not cool. I just want him to take responsibility, because like, I love him and it's good, like him being married and stuff. But like, every time we kiss, like, I end up with dust bunnies on my face. So that's all I'm saying. You know, it's like, love his work. So yeah, like, I wish he would just appreciate me for the wet jet that I am. My God, Caroline tried to wet jet my husband right in front of everybody in a hotel. You know, just because Caroline's a witch doesn't mean that I have to be her broom. Okay. No, I want that. Actually, can I please have your broom, please? You can wipe before with me. It's okay. So then we get to the part where you are trying to segue to, which is Caroline on date night with her husband, she's like, it's, I love my husband. And it's very difficult, because he has to fly to Kazakhstan 11 hours every two weeks. So here's a long time to be on a plane. So long time to be asking assistant number one to asset assistant number two to email Paulina, to write a physical letters of Valentina, asking her why I haven't heard from him. And her husband is so cute and nice. And he just loves that she's such a bitch, because of course she brings up her whole victim thing again. She's like, well, apparently I'm a rapist and everyone has been talking about how I've been raping men. And he's like, listen, he's like, as the Turkish guy, I'd usually be the first one to tell you off or like humping a man in public, you know, or like stone you or something. But I mean, come on, that was nothing. Like darling, I it's so funny. I wrote down the same note. I said, even Jim thinks his wife is hilarious. Because she's like, well, I guess I said, maybe I said something about running her over with my car and wiping the floor with her. I mean, I don't know. I mean, you know, things were said, and then he just starts to crack up. He's just like laughing the way we all are laughing. So good. I was like, you're going to run over, not with public transport, I hope. She's like, no, no, darling, no, no. I don't even know how that works. Just with the car. Just gonna get one of those black cars. I'll have the gay do in the Land Rover darling. Yeah, it's easier to clean up white at the end of the day assistant number two told me we'll clean it with the baby's face. I'm sick of looking at him. He's like, you're hilarious. Then we cut to Caroline Fleming putting shoes in in a soft bag. I was like, Oh, this is a great arc for her. Caroline of the people. She's like, nanny, could you please put all of my I think we'll use the soft bag in the nanny's like, that's the one that shaped like this mom. She's like, yes. Oh, I'll go look for it. Oh, wow. I will search for the soft bag. Maybe I left it on one of the shelves that's on top of the dining room table. That's a real pioneer woman. Meanwhile, there's still like Cheetos on the floor in the other room. She's like, don't clean it, darling. I don't want you to feel like you have to do it just because you're bold. Yeah, take a rest, lie down on my bench with a giant hump in the middle. Oh, no, you can't lie down on that. Well, you know, just take a seat and I'll do the rest. Let me be a pillow. I'm having trouble with that bed. I'm just trying to figure out how to get the blanket on. It's all right. I'll do it. Let me check you in. Let me. There you are. We must do this more. We and we shall, we shall. But actually, she did have more of a story. It was like this random thing that they wedged in three quarters due to the episode. But it was actually very sweet and touching. She went to Denmark and where she spat at all sorts of like stupid bulls. She was like, when I go to Denmark, I land. That's when I land in Denmark. I have landed. I have landed. I have such a feeling when I land. It's almost like one moment I'm up in the air and then I'm back down on the ground again. But my feet are planted differently because my toes really get cold walking barefoot on the tarmac in Denmark. Oh, God. And that's when I've realized nothing is different. I've just merely landed in this land. Sometimes it feels like you're cold in your dying and then your toes feel the warm carpet of the indoors of the Denmark National Airport. And they start warming up and you think this is just like life. Would anyone like a fruit roll up? I've had the verdict. Whenever I get to Denmark, the very first thing I do is I go to a supermarket and go to the butter aisle and I buy myself some land of lakes. But of course, I call it me of lakes because I'm in Denmark and I've landed. Do you have any butter called grounded to the earth? You don't? All right. Well, hopefully an American will invent that one day. I want to have a shift here for the entire castle. If you have a barrel out back, I'll just churn some myself and then we can start at the store for everyone. Meanwhile, poor granny sitting at home playing the piano brilliantly. I love what first I love this. I love love love. Of course, Caroline comes from the most adorably quaint cottage. I mean, this puts Yolanda's childhood to shame. This was like this beautiful quaint cottage in the Tudor style and this little patch of land and the Caroline goes in and her and granny is there playing classical music at the piano and it's just like, oh, she was playing like old saloon music or something. She was playing like those guys in the saloon who immediately stopped playing when the bad guy comes in. Granny, she went back from the old west. I was just entertaining this young man with a camera. You can leave now, darling. He's like, I'm here to shoot the show. All right, then, just, just draw me. It's quicker in the end. A little darling. I love her granny. You know what I love about her? She had this most perfect old lady sweater on. I had these little mice on them, but they were actually big. These giant pictures of mice. It was like, oh, that's exactly the sort of sweater a granny should wear. It was like, she's just like that most perfect granny granny. Yeah, she was. And she probably smelled like that mothball stuffed in. Yeah, and they had a nice moment because Caroline, how dare you mention the mothball? I just got, I just got in my mind. You know, I'm sitting here as the podcasting. I'm like, I'm scanning the room and I keep on looking back into my closet as if I'm going to catch a moth in the act, which I won't because I know it's like a larva. But I'm like, is there another moth? Granny's like, well, I've loved mice ever since we got those first mice in the cottage that kiss the moths. So, but you know, Caroline Fleming, we learned that she lost her mom when she was 11 and her grandmother basically raised her. And, you know, we learned that that I guess granny was not aristocratic. Obviously, I was wondering why granny was in such a humble cottage. But I guess, I guess Caroline's father was aristocratic. Wait, what is Caroline Fleming's title? Is she a Danish princess? I don't know. She, she's like an ex judge on not America's next top model. All right, I'm gonna look it up right now. Caroline Fleming. I was laughing at this whole thing because it was really cute, but I liked it. Her grandma's name is Bride. I don't know why, just because it's a water filter too. And then, um, I like that they, when they were talking about her mom, that was like a touching thing. But I like when she said, I think of mommy every night. Look at this picture. You know, my child Josephine has mommy's eyes. The other kids don't. But this, this girl, she has mommy's eyes with the granny's like, a franchise. I was like, what does that mean? It's like, you know, the daughter Josephine's like, you're going to eat all of that, you pig. Like a little Caroline with judgy franchise. Okay, I looked it up. Caroline, according to Bravo, she was born a Baroness. Does Baroness make your royalty? I guess it doesn't. So you're like lower royalty. She's born a Baroness into one of Denmark's oldest families. She's mother of three children. Caroline is a brought, is a prominent business, business woman in her own right with a line of hoodry called beautiful legs. You think they've got like those little footsy rubber bottoms on the bottom of them? So you can just walk on the ground. She's published two best-selling cookbooks and a lifestyle book. And she was married. Oh, this is interesting. She was married to Rory Fleming of the Fleming banking family and a nephew of Bond creator Ian Fleming. Oh, Mr. Bond, you just must come over for Christmas dinner. Here, you can sit on this side of the bookshelf and I'll sit on this side. Enjoy those cheetos. I've slaved away all day. I'm still hot from the oven opening my paws. Enjoy, Enki. Would you like to take your leftovers in a soft bag? We have some. I'll find it. I'll find the soft bag. Still can't find it, Mom. That's all right. I'll look for it, darling. Let me just call the nanny right now and tell her to stop doing whatever she's doing and just not do things because I can do them. All right, nanny, make a list of things for me to do and I'll do them when I get back. All right, can I FaceTime to see that your face is sincere? Can I cut to Caroline? Valentina, did you see your Caroline soft bag? All right, please. That's for $5,000. That is, Mom. No, I want Caroline Fleming soft bag. She'll give it to her for Christmas. Well, my job is getting things for rich people and I knew you'd love this bag. That'll be $90,000. But it's soft. I don't care. Okay, here it is. It's just you. You're so funny. Oh, you know, just I love, I love helping out other people's businesses. I'll, I'll buy this soft bag. It reminds me of a soft bag that I once had. I don't know what ever happened to that old thing. So we move on to Annabelle having lunch with Julie is here we go with the Americans being ridiculous and crying over every little thing while the British person tries to not barf all over them because she always looks like she's going to throw up. Annabelle's like, yes, Julie, do tell me about your feelings. Yeah, Julie's like, well, I mean, I mean, she apologized. No, she didn't apologize. I mean, who does that? I mean, if you're going to apologize, you're supposed to apologize. I mean, I was very offended. Oh, God, our house is so cold. I love this heater. God, is it okay if I don't tip the waiter so I can get her heat turned back on? Is that terrible? Oh my God. No one told me I was marrying a black card and a heater that didn't work. Oh, she's like, I am so hungry. I'm going to have a side of kale and a side salad for lunch, please. Thanks. She's like, I gotta lose some weight so I can touch my toes. That was so embarrassing. Oh, God, let's talk about New Year's again. So then Julie starts talking about how upset she was blah, blah, blah. And then Annabelle's like, darling, I just don't understand why you're so nervous and you can't just tell her to shut the fuck up. Something like that. And Julie's like, I can't, I'm terrified of her. If you're scared of Caroline, do not cry in front of her. Yeah, exactly. Listen, lady, you're, you truly are a lady and you, you own mapper tin. Okay, you're going to be, you're going to be the, the, the, whatever. What's the, what's the lady version of an earl? I forget a lady, isn't it? It's just a lady. Whatever it is, she's sandwiched. Okay, she's sandwiched. That's, that's a big one. Yeah, she's a lady of sandwich. Lady of sandwich, like, stop being afraid. All right. Throw that shit around. Throw that sandwich around. So then, so Julia arrives and then they're, then the conversation gets kind of convoluted because they're talking about Caroline. And so then Julie, as evidence of Caroline's behavior says, well, you know, Caroline just told, just told Julie yet that she's going to wipe the floor with her, then Juliet gets, she's mortified that Julie said this in front of Annabelle. She even says, she's like, I can't believe she'd say that in front of Annabelle with the implication being, this is the sort of story that we share amongst each other as lowly Americans, but you don't tell it to people we are aspiring to be because then they're going to share amongst themselves and we're going to lose all our station in life. Yes, exactly. And she's right. Yeah. And Julie isn't the biggest sh*tster in the world. So this was the first time that Julie is like, really, well, but you should be mad because Julie is doing this thing now that she's in front of Annabelle where she's like, no, I'm not mad. I mean, she was just kidding. I was never even offended in the first place. I don't know what you're talking about. Like, we're not even friends, Julie. So, yeah, I mean, I don't even like, I don't have anything like wrong with her. Like, I mean, my husband was laying on the couch and then she like just came into the room. I mean, it's like not like anything happened. Like you're making it sound like something happened. Julie is like, she was like, listen, I'm not like, I'm not like stirring the pot. I mean, like I literally do not stir pots. What do you think my hot chocolate always burns? I don't stir it. I'm just letting everything boil up and then stick to the side of the pot. Oh, yes. Oh, it is. Yeah, but she's like, whoa, but yeah, but then remember, remember when we were talking on the phone? I mean, I don't know why you're so happy now, but the other day when we were on the phone, remember when you were telling me that Caroline's gonna ruin your life and ruin your family and then she's gonna chop off your head and then she's gonna like cut off your husband's penis and shove it down his throat. Julie, it's like, no, what? No, I don't even have a phone. That's crazy. I would never say those things. That's crazy. No, no. Oh, I was talking about how I was gonna wipe the floor because I dropped some Cheetos on it because it was Thanksgiving. It reminded me so much of like a childhood tradition. That's how I wasn't. No, Caroline's the best. I love Caroline. Yeah. I just called her a rapist because in London, like raping something can mean working in the garden. It just means like you picked an apple. So it's like cultural. Julie, okay? Julie's like, yeah, but remember when she threatened to cut off your feet? And remember when she started choking you over the phone? You said you felt it spiritually? No, no, no, no, no. Well, Julia did, well, since Julia was cornered, Julia did the thing that she does best. She goes, God, like, I'm the wrong one here all of a sudden. I feel like I'm always the wrong one. Okay, so she deflects by being the victim. And then she gets all pissed off in her diary room and she's like, if I wanted to tell something to Annabelle, I would tell her myself. That's for sure. That's her favorite saying today. That's for sure. And then it cuts back to her again later. And she's like, well, I'm not afraid of Caroline Stansbury. That's for sure. Yeah. Meanwhile, Julia's the same one who told Marissa the reason why she can't go to Thanksgiving is, well, Caroline was feeling like, you know, she wanted to have her on thing. So I decided I was going to do Caroline. So as she's someone who completely threw Caroline under the double-decker bus earlier this season, and she's like, whack, whack. My favorite though is, I love Annabelle's reaction. She's sort of like laughing and she goes, I feel like the little kid inside where you nicked a lolly and got caught. Rebel, rebel. First time I went to the psychiatric hospital, I nicked a lolly pop and got caught. That's, I've been rock and roll ever since. Julia's like, well, let me explain what this means. So she says one thing, and then she does another thing. I'm sorry. She's like, it's hypocrisy or something. And like, that's not nice. And Annabelle's like, sounds a bit like North Korea politics. Like, yes, it is like North Korea. It is. It is like North Korea. Yeah, that actually made no sense. Would you like a lolly, Julia? Would that make you feel better? Yes, I actually would, but too bad. Someone nicked my lolly. They haven't gone caught. Oh god. So where are we here, Julie? Why isn't she telling me the truth? Alexander loved it. Alexander loved it when I would nick lollies. You would say nick that lolly and do it three times over until you get caught. And I would, because I'm a rebel, I'm a rock and roll lolly stealer. I nicked all those lollies. And meanwhile, Julie's like, I don't know why she just won't tell the truth. It's like she's scared. Bring her a doll. Okay, touch this doll. Show me what Caroline did to you. Show me what Caroline did to you. Nothing. She's totally great. It was she was great. She's like, maybe I'm just like imagining things. I guess that's what happens when all you eat for lunch is a side of kale and a side salad. I didn't, she didn't do anything wrong with me. All right, give me that doll so I can clean up this spilled tea. Give it to me. I'm going to wipe the floor with this doll. Oh, is that a hint? What did she do to you? This whole Julie think Julie is so funny and erotic to me. I just posted a video of this woman who took a solo kayaking trip to Alaska. And she's like, takes a break. She gets out of the water whatever. And this little baby bear starts eating her boat or her kayak. And she's like, bear, why are you doing that bear? Please stop there. Please stop her. No bear. No bear. No bear. Oh my God, it goes on for two minutes. And it's this woman screaming at the bear and calling in bear over and over and begging him like it's a human being. I'm going to pepper spray you in the face. That's what I'm going to do to you. Bear. This is Julie when she finally gets mad. I'm here. Come on. Stop it bear. Stop it bear bear bear bear. Oh my God. You're breaking it. You're breaking my kayak. Why are you breaking my kayak? Why are you breaking my kayak? What are you doing that? Why are you eating it? It's not even tasting good. It's just plastic. Valentina break the kayak. Break it. Break it. You know, there's like one solitary M&M in the bottom of that kayak that the bear is looking for. That stupid girl needs to blame herself. Bad news mum. No food in the kayak. All right then just shred it up and throw it in the river then. And Jay passes by and sees this crazy lady standing on the side. Jay. What the fuck is that Jay? Bear Jay. Let's get her. Let's take that to the aquarium bro. Bear Jay. What the fuck? It's a tuna. So to me Julie is just that lady. I've watched it 10 times. So that's the last thing I have until the future when Juliet gets pissed. I don't know why I thought that was funny but I guess Juliet finally gets pissed in the future again finally like she's never pissed. She's like today I was walking on the street and it was like bumpy and I was like oh my god the street's trying to trap me. Like seriously what did I do? What I do to the street. This show is amazing. It's amazing. I love it. Okay thanks for listening to Watch What Crap and Spike. Now let's go to Below Deck. Let's go to the sunnier climbs of yachting in the Caribbean. Where we start the episode, where we left off, the whole, the crew is on the island partying. Emile is wasted trying to get in on Rocky's pants. He's like I'm gonna move to California. I'm gonna move to California. And Rocky is trying to friend zone him so badly. She's like I feel like your family. He's like why would I want to bang you if your family? She's like that's my way of saying stop trying to bang me. I'm poor Emile. He's like yeah but I want to stick my penis deep inside you. She's like Emile buddy we're friends right? We're just friends. I don't know how this couple isn't working. It gives him a close-up and those are two of the worst patterns I've ever seen. It's Emile's terrible raw stress for less pattern that he wears every time he leaves the boat and probably hasn't even been washed. And then Rocky's like leopard print and I just couldn't. And Rocky's in leopard print and mom jean short shorts and flat forms. Very mom jean short shorts. Listen you put those two patterns together. You get yourself a magic eye pattern. So hey if you cross your eyes and look at both of them then you'll see a finger. It's like I drink tab, pick my kids up from school but also still fucking bars late at night. Like what do you think with that outfit? She's from Orange County. That's what she's saying. So then they're all sitting at a table and drunk and Emile's shoving food into his face. And he's saying something. He's like I don't even fall forward. Like they can't even caption it. And then at one point Emile is just alone. He's just drunk and he's alone. And he's just looking around and he's like Rocky? Rocky? Rocky? Where's your vagina? I want to stick something in it. I like when they show this is why I love Emile because he's so clueless. Also he's hot and also he has a muffin top which I just love on a hot man. And today we see why. He gets upset and then he just goes on a binge. So every time they show Emile from now on in this scene he's like not just like having a bite of food. He's like shoving everything he can see in his mouth. He's like eating the candle on the table. The guy's just like putting fucking mayonnaise on everything and just shoving it down his face out of depression. I was like oh my god hot people have eating disorders too. And then Dane is like trying to somehow make him feel better about something. He says like he's like oh like because like Emile and Eddie like slap five and he's like oh you guys have matching braces. And Emile's like oh no man my sister gave me this bracelet. So don't even don't even don't even stop that. She got she found out a hot topic okay. And so this makes my heart arm sort of a hot topic. So don't turn it into a cold joke. You know what I'm saying? You mess with my sister. You mess with me mate. And if you mess with my sister it's like you know messing with the system. He'd want to mess with someone like he'd want to mess with their own sister. You're disgusting. You're a flat. Whoa. Whoa. Get your anger and check there buddy. Yeah and Dane's like well no dude maybe I'm just saying I'm jealous of it. Like maybe I like it you know. And he's like no mate like listen here's what you need to know. My sister made this and I want to bang my sister just like I want to bang Rocky. I'm gonna rock and I like family. So just all three. Three some. So funny. And then he continues to binge and the hippies like wait a second. What I do dude. So the hippie guy is the best example of how good those diary room sessions can be. In those diary room sessions he looks so cute. Like his makeup whatever they're doing. He looks like he has a pound of makeup on his face but still like he looks really like his makeup looks really good and I think they put maybe plugs or something in him. I don't know but this guy's how to make over because when they show that and then they show him in real life there's like a huge disconnect. You see. Everyone seems to think he's really cute. I think he looks he's a good looking. I don't think he's anything special. I mean I miss the day is when Emile was super hot and now he's like not hot anymore. I like him because he's rich but he still works and also because he has long hair which is kind of cool but he's balding. So I like that. I like that. I like someone who's like super confident. He's like Dwight yolkoming it up. Yeah. I like someone when they're super confident and you know it's all going to crash down and I'm hoping he maintains that and doesn't just become like, ah darn it kids in the streets. You know when he's like 30 because he doesn't have hair anymore. I know because you know I feel the pain. I felt it. I felt it. You felt it. So then everyone goes back onto the boat. Emile goes to sleep. Rocky makes some whipped cream and then she's like let's do a whipped cream bikini and so she puts it on Connie and kind of like yeah this is great. Do a whipped cream bikini because I'm crazy. Does someone say beard? Does someone say alligators? Let's have sex with my whipped cream video. Yeah Connie's like it's a good day for Connie. Whenever Connie says anything fun she does it in the third person. Yeah. Yeah whipped cream. It's a good day for Connie. Woohoo and then she's like lifting her arms naked to the cameras and the poor camera guys are like oh god can we go back to the piano playing grandmother's house again? Yeah let me hear. Can we bring back Janisse from last season? I love Connie though. You don't have the idea. I think Connie and I get the vibe that Connie is like super cool in real life but I feel like on TV I don't know. So then we get Eddie talking to his girlfriend in this awful relationship there and he's like you're never gonna fucking love me the way you loved him. It's like do you just break up with her? No it's obvious being an angry little man who is pissed off all the time. That's what he does. That's the two he is. Let him enjoy it. Yeah but it's like I hate that. Apparently she's still talking to the guy. She doesn't she's being ridiculous and she's bad because she cheated and he's being ridiculous because he's sticking with her. She probably cheated on Eddie because he is sort of a tool when it comes this up. So you know what? Do everyone a favor and just break up? Just be done with it. No one cares. Well he's suddenly starting all this shit. He forgave her a long time ago. My opinion is A) that she's fake but B) if she's not fake then he is just starting to swith her so he has an excuse to cheat later. Yeah I don't know. He's like remember we were broken up because I was mad at you Chidi 20 years ago girlfriend from Canada. Whatever he should cheat on her because they are in a dysfunctional relationship so you might as well have some fun out of it. I don't care meanwhile it's like a made relationship. Don't get involved. You know as long as the counters are clean fuck whoever you want I don't care. Just stop using my cell phone minutes. Yeah so meanwhile yeah the whipped cream party is still going on. I feel bad for Amy. You can tell I think I just am imagining Amy walking in and seeing the whipped cream everywhere. It's like hey y'all where is everyone? Where's the party? I'm ready for some whipped cream. It's like forget everyone's asleep. Amy's like licking the bowl in the corner. She's like oh that was a fun whipped cream party. I just loved it. She like plucks the starfish out of ocean. Hey y'all you want to come to my whipped cream party? Okay you sit right there on the table and I'm going to have some whipped cream. Want some whipped cream? Oh yeah whipped cream party just me and my starfish. Hey starfish this is buoy. Oh you guys I'm so glad you finally got to meet. Do you want some tea with your whipped cream? Wait we have to give the whipped cream some time to defrost because the shift didn't know how to make it. So let's just wait. Let's just wait. Starfish you have anything new going on your last? No. Hey starfish you have a point. Get it? You guys. Hey starfish why are you in buoy talking about me behind my backs? I was when brought y'all together and now y'all now y'all lying against me. Starfish and buoy ended up going home together. I'll tell you what I mean I brought them both as dates for myself and now they're in love. I mean it it's shucks darn that's what I have to say. Shucky darn. Okay. You know what I went to the bathroom I came back they were already having their own whipped cream party with their own defrost or whipped cream. They didn't even invite me to withdraw away from me to leave the room to have their own whipped cream. No one calls Amy quitter and here's why. I've never really been in the position where I'm allowed to quit. Like I'm not really dating anybody. It's like what am I going to just break up with nobody. I mean you know who I want to break up with lonelyness. I mean that's not a fun friend although I do speak to them all the time. Friends them though you know I'm okay with it. Starfish I was thinking that maybe you and me we could like talk things out because we could be really close you know and then all this stuff happened and I just was like I thought we could we could hash it out so anyway if there's anything you want to say to me in particular like maybe an apology. That would be okay too. I'm trying to figure out how to write this letter to starfish because you know starfish not only went home with buoy but you know like I don't want to be main because you know excuse me to starfish but if you look on the bottom of a starfish it's got a buckhole on it's stomach and it's just not right y'all it's just crazy. I don't know I'm starting to feel really like the third wheel in this starfish buoy situation and I don't like that it's sort of like rooting my charter season a little bit. What are you going to do? What are you going to what's a starfish going to do with three wheels? It doesn't even live on the land. I mean it's never even going to topple over because it's just going to be in the water and then it's going to say hey man why do I have wheels on and I'm going to say you stupid be we for going for that stupid starfish. I hope y'all have a nice life because that's what good people do. Maybe starfish is still mad at me after the time I call them a tricycle maybe that's what it was under what a tricycle maybe that's why he went off and still buoyed from me. Starfish you're a real butt hole on your stomach. Yeah you know what starfish you know I don't need you on this y'all anyway but you know what if you guys ever want to come back you know like we can let bygones be got bygones as long as we both apologize. You guys want to hang out again. So good. I need the frame. Cut to rocky cut to rocky going look a meal had his chance she had his chance. I'm not looking for a boy I'm looking for a real man like tavia you know like there's a guy who can support his family sing a song tradition tradition tradition the cameraman shorts the captain shorts the captain shorts the cameraman who is in charge of following around a meal hates him by the way. Yeah there are so many unflattering o'meal shots in these episodes they show him like we've already seen him jerking off like when he thought he was alone now we're seeing him crawl into bed after a binge with his boobs all drooping into the camera not nice cameraman not nice yeah that was funny and then the next morning they're turning the boat over and the new charters are sorority sisters which I love because it gives Kate an opportunity to be shady because we love Kate by the way do we mention this last week that Kate Kate listens to the podcasts because we've found that out well that's really cool hi Kate we love you but come on our podcast don't even just pretend it's not happening because then you'll have to be nicer to people wait I here's the thing I never have anything bad to say about Kate so it's not a problem for me but I loved it because the sorority sisters coming on gave Kate a chance to be extra snotty so she's like I was never in a sorority I never had to buy my friends yeah and meanwhile Amy's like hey y'all I got a bag I got bags of money who wants to be my friend starfish and he's like that works you know whenever I win those tickets in the skate ball machine I save them up for a big present and every time I try and give them to a pretty girl she just she just gets a bear and still refuses to be my friend how does it work how do you buy friends I don't even know you could do that the word knows I've tried I've tried so hard Sammy's like sorority yacht time woohoo they're like all right go run 50 laps around the yacht pledge she's like okay now this is a relationship in my rock girl girl pal what girls where'd you go where's everybody so the big news is that jet the jet skis need to be topped off and uh and so a meal comes in or no dane comes in downstairs and Eddie's like on his phone texting with his girlfriend and a meal is fiddling with something in the cabinets and then he's like yeah man the jet skis need to need to be topped off and then Eddie like the meal's like uh or I'll do it a little bit and he's like no you do it now you do it now I got things in my mind while he's texting by the way exactly like stop texting you don't have things in your mind you just have a stupid girlfriends he's like you cheated on me do it yourself okay I can't do everything on this boat all right mighty text whatever he's so annoying this whole episode he was really over the top annoying to salad he was he was just walking around like I'm the boss I'm the boss there was one moment where they were eating dinner and someone said shots and and the meal's like what we're gonna do a shot and Alex P Keaton says oh he doesn't know I'm his superior tonight oh I guess he just forgot gonna have to remind oh shut up every time they show him he's either screaming at some fake girl in Canada about cheating on him or he's going on about how powerful he is I know he's classic middle management it's getting really annoying I I really like Eddie a lot but he's getting very annoying he said not just I really hate when people are that control freaky and then they don't do shit which is starting to look like that's what he is because what is he ever doing anything all he's ever doing is shouting in that little voice at people and then like marching around pulling up his doctors I don't buy it shut up um so then uh so then the guests are they guess the ladies want to go on the jet ski and one was like I don't know how to do it Jane will you show me and so dating gets on the jet ski goes like in a circle and of course Captain Lee sees this and freaks out he's like he's got a walkie talkie on it's not waterproof you're gonna electrocute the entire ocean with that thing and that's why we have rules starfish get out of the ocean you're in danger apparently I'm not the only person whose rules were ignored you know that walkie talkie came with instructions taped to the back don't you mister you're gonna get a ticket straight back home yeah so uh that's uh that's probably what he does every time he returns anything to on amazon all right well this was on satisfactory so you're gonna get a ticket straight back home to amazon that's didn't come with a rule block I want a refund yeah the captain this whole episode I mean I have like a lot of things but this whole episode in general I was like really we're gonna watch maids do things oh I loved it I was gonna be into it because the first uh because what was so good about this episode was that there was so much Kate and Leon stuff and it was hilarious so the so what happened Leon what a bitch so the ladies so Leon has made announcement he's gonna be doing um uh his eyebrows yeah he's like he's like oh um uh he's like I'm gonna make some short ribs and we do this and we do that I'm gonna do some beef cheeks I guess like that sounds great love it love it she's like hate it hate it um happy bad uh so then the ladies tell Kate like you know what for lunch let's just do some snacks just some like little bites whatever and of course Kate loves this because she knows it's good the total wrench julyon's plan in fact she probably even put the idea out there like hey ladies you guys want to do some snacks but um even if she didn't uh Kate goes up to Leon I was like so the ladies were thinking that they want to do some snacks instead and Leon gets so mad he's like no no R&M short ribs sorry no no can't do it can't do it okay oh he's such a bitch just some tire episode and captain lee is standing there he's for whatever reason captain lee is there and he's just watching it and he has his look on his face like huh is this what really happens yeah like is this what happens inside my boat that's why I don't come downstairs it was ridiculous do I need to post rules in here you know running with your shoes on inside the get all right keep fighting keep fighting so then lee on is making you know he's changing things up and he's getting all busy goes I guess I'm not a chef I guess I'm not a charter chef hey what's a charter chef I'd like to know gets like um a charter chef is used to plans changing and doesn't get angry every time something doesn't go his way I was just like die I just love how she wasn't thrown she's not scared at all she's like oh the chef with the eyebrows is yelling at me I'm so scared she's like I'm not intimidated by the carnival cruise line Vin Diesel all right just do your food do what you're supposed to do I just loved it like totally unflappable you know she wasn't taken aback she was just ready for it she actually probably had that ready to go for like three weeks I was like oh good finally well a cruise ship chef is um you know he smells like poor people and he doesn't understand proper eyebrow grooming ferment so that's that's all I'm seeing chef so well we need to talk about communication because your communication sucks and usually they told me this this morning and I make short ribs and I plan to this all morning and then I did that and then why do you talk about no let's just talk about people and then every time they show him in his diary room he's like I hate Kate she's so full she's a stupid bitch and I'm sick of her talking about on my back because no one likes to be taught if you got something to say to me say it to my face says the man who can speak of nothing else but somebody else every time he's alone with anybody else everybody else comes in they're like how's it going chef and he's like Kate's a bitch you know it's cold near y'all uh cruising on me what the hell does that mean blah blah blah blah blah on and on like you whiny little bitch all you're sitting here is all you're sitting here doing is whining about how mean a girl is to you and guess what you still have to fucking listen anyway so shut the fuck up cut the short ribs into little squares put them on toothpicks and then go masturbate with your moisturizer you think seriously even kids like um do you want to maybe put the fish under skewers they're like I don't do skewers I already put the skewers away in the cabinet I can't get them sorry already gone gone gone for the day locked away for some reason that's reminding me of that top chef where they had to cook healthy things for kids and they made they made grilled chicken skewers it sounds like great now we're gonna have a bunch of kids stabbing themselves in the throat great idea great idea but anyway back to below deck so then there was more jet ski drama because the jet skis floated away oh my god the jet skis floated away and a meal had to go fetch one the girls were like shake it shake it yeah show us what you're working with we love my fans and he's like does anybody have a robe I can wear it into the water they're like no go out shirtless and he's like oh god I hate myself moo he's like I don't know stick my penis in the hole of this scooter I don't know why this thing doesn't like me keep slipping away I know maybe stopping like gross Jesse's like getting away from me oh oh by the way I'm just mad I forgot to mention that when Leon was yelling at Kate about communication he's like well maybe you should maybe you should tell the guests next time that like the chef would like to make this in this for for lunch and she's like um I'm not really in the business of bossing around our guests but thanks anyway for the suggestion bye lover um so anyway the jet skis floated away and captainly is pissed it's like we gotta get your hands on your hands and get back into the game I don't know what's going on over here here's what I saw today a couple of machines in the water floating randomly with nobody attached to them have you read the rules that is not that role that is not how to treat a jet ski if you can't treat a jet ski properly I'm getting you a ticket and you're going back home and that's it have you ever seen the Terminator did you ever see the Terminator get into water well guess what there are a lot of machines in the water today and I never saw that in any machine movie okay so get your heads out of your asses otherwise your heads are gonna be on your body on a plane with one way we take it home all right you know Don's sitting at home watching this going see I told him I told him this is all you had to do oh we had to do let's tie it to the side of the boat that's all we had to do but no I'm not that listening to people Pussies what are you gonna listen to that guy what a pussy he's like putting together a jenka set so this is when Eddie really annoyed me the most because captainly was like you know what heads are gonna roll and then they like are excused from the meeting and a meal is like tying something in the corner and Eddie walks up and goes hey heads are gonna roll get your head back into it otherwise heads are gonna roll that's my I hate that I hate when there's like a big boss who yells at a team gets mad at team and then the leader of the team because they are so embarrassed and they're frustrated they then just bent it out onto everyone else yeah no Eddie just shut up everyone got yelled at equally there's no reason why you have to like pile on we know you're still the boss you don't have to do it just shut up yeah he's stupid my favorite little incidental part was they're preparing for the guests at some point and they just show Amy alone behind that bar from the 80s and she's opening a bottle and she goes she pops it she goes oh sad little sad little Amy parting by herself anyone want someone just just me okay so you guys here's your boat you might recognize it from the film starring Matt Damon and Michael Douglas this was used as Liberace's room before anyone knew that he was having unprotected sex with Matt Damon so enjoy your bed that boat is so tacky every time they show it I'm like oh god darling it looks like the water bed showroom when I was a little kid and we went to see water beds and then they're made out of like that shellacked wood they're like look it's an Indian priestess shellacked into the headboard of this thing plus a fake crystal hanging off the side you can put a light bulb in to be this boat so the for rocky she had exciting news which is that she was being tasked with making dinner for the crew oh you know what Ronnie can you give me a moment I have to go about him so badly tonight are you scariest now I have to edit this I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry all right you go peel to sit here and sing mains on about okay I'll be right back all right here we are nice and potted so um so Rocky's big thing is that she got to make dinner for everyone that night for crew the crew dinner she's like I get to cook tonight I get to cook tonight like I would cook snails and ascargot and then I would have like baby filled greens with some swordfish and some caviar on top of it possibly with some really really really expensive cream from a real cow but you know I don't have that like it's kind of rocky you know just like instead I found some lien cuisine so I'm gonna be uh clicking them for the next five hours um it's like it's gonna be a while while I read this instructions uh meanwhile I also loved uh Kate served the guests some like berry gazpacho and she's like this is a fresh berry gazpacho please enjoy everyone's like oh great then she cuts the cake going gazpacho is bullshit it's just a fancy name for laziness meanwhile I literally have an entire thing of gazpacho in my fridge but I'm not lazy there you go check it's not even real soup you just put things in a blender and then pour it into a dish I mean what are we on some princess cruise line I mean the justice lien so like the last time I had gazpacho was when I went to Walmart and I was um getting popcorn at the end of that little stand and they said would you like some gazpacho and I said make an effort in like how about that last time I had gazpacho was the time my tickets got messed up and I wound up on that stupid Disney Cruise Line in Hawaii and they served gazpacho I thought great stupid fucking lazy gazpacho soup served in a bowl that she think he's ears it's just a melted popsicle he's like well it's what I had frozen so I melted it into a bowl and if you don't like it maybe you can communicate me with me next time welcome some idiot welcome just the Walmart chef okay there ding ding turn that frown upside down okay I know I understand that you have I understand you had your formal culinary education at the Pizza Hut inside one of the targets unless Hollywood meanwhile Amy's like what yeah background she's like I love cold liquids this is amazing this is the first thing that's let me swallow it in years I love you gazpie I love the maybe the great gazpacho it's so romantic I bet I bet starfish misses this gazpacho now that he wishes he's still my friend starfish it's like starfish I just ate the person from tatanic so anyway lacious he stayed in half so then there was like a dinner making montage where Rocky was essentially making chicken and salad and it took her she served it almost three hours late which would have driven me absolutely nuts and in that time Leon managed to nap wake up serve a lovely dinner and then and do his dishes and she's like chicken is ready and it was like half raw half over cooked and then Alex B. Keaton's like well I need a really sustenance I need sustenance I need a big manly meal because I do a lot texting get your head in the game Rocky yeah sex sex Michelle it's like this chicken is pink have you not heard the rose people cannot eat this or they will die Rocky so my favorite part of the episode was um after dinner the guests were like you know it'd be great like let's got some like brownies and like maybe some sliders too and then so Kate tells Leon he's like hey hey Leon do you guess what like some cream cheese brownies and some sliders and he's like nope nope I just turned the oven off like oh no oven's closed and kids like okay well turn it back on and the guests will have requested some cream cheese brownies so I just love that yeah so turn it back on and make those brownies please thanks and meanwhile we see you know he doesn't even make the brownies from scratch uses it uses a mix which is totally fine but why is he complaining like this is some huge burden like every other thing he makes I I'm sorry but that man can make some pretty looking food but at the end of the day he served people frozen conch because he didn't know how to get it open if you're worried about people questioning your professional uh professionality that's probably one of the reasons buddy just what's chopped I mean for Christ's sake man how do you not know chopped exactly I mean and and look the the the the the the sliders all he did was slice off some some sort of line and sear it for like two minutes per side okay it's really not that hard brownie mix he poured the brownie mix with some oil and like two eggs he put in the oven for you know 25 minutes okay just calm down dude like no one is asking you to make find five new conchs it's like well I hate brownies you know one time I tried to make brownies and I heard them talking about me in the hallway they were calling me a hack and a loser what do you say for yourselves brownies it's like just cook us don't shut up I mean you know it's bad news when even Amy was like you know if you can't I mean I don't think making a brownie is that much of a big deal maybe yachting isn't for him like oh wow even Amy's like I'm gonna back away I know Amy is like listen if somebody asks you for something special that means that they're actually asking you for something just be grateful if those customers were calling you on the phone right now would you yell at them or say yes whatever you're gonna ask me yes I will marry you or date you or clean your bedroom I don't even care just ask me something hey mr starfish hey we got brownies up here in sliders no no okay okay that's fine that's fine go enjoy your tricycleing down on the bottom of the ocean with your non brownies I'm so sorry tricycle I mean I mean star starfish she's so cute the chef's an asshole but it looks like he's gonna be gone I know next next week looks so good but in the meantime so the as the episodes started to come to an end we had the usual drama I was like all right everyone we're going to dock dun dun dun dun get the fenders out get the fenders out I'll be all clear are we all clear yes yep as in every week we're all gonna die oh the rope wasn't brought back on to the boat properly and without the boat on the without the rope on the boat I mean it's just a floor without a rope on it and that's the rules kids all right and then um so they dock everything's fine the women come get off and then everything's fine and then Eddie's still like remember remember he's like people weren't using their brains got their heads in their ass shut up Eddie what are you complaining about you docked everything was good even Captain Lee was like her job today and he's like yeah I mean yeah made fun about and then they all empty the mop water and decide to start all over again and then and then and then Rocky says to Emile like Emile again is coming on to her and Rocky's like listen I want you to start thinking of me as your sister and Emile's like oh that's great because boys want to fuck my sister it's right oh then she wrote Rocky then she wrote Emile that note she's like you guys I don't know how to say this to Emile so I'm gonna announce it to the entire boat first I don't even understand why he's into me what have I done and then the ladies are like uh you walked around in like come fuckly mom jeans like how is he not gonna be into you she's like I don't even understand why I'm late why I'm sexy well no she was into him and he did bungalit I'm actually on Rocky's side on this she was definitely throwing herself at him and then she found out oh wait this is not going anywhere and she lost her interest which is what happens I think a lot of people and now he's trying but it's too late in fact he's really creepy he's like I last quite long just to let you know he's so gross who talks to people like that that's harassment I was about to say that's what I that's what I wrote I was like you know isn't that sexual harassment I mean you guys are they're co-workers you can't you know he's a stickler for rules but you cannot say those things were co-worker I mean if you're interested in them you can't say I last quite I mean that you there are a few things he's done with when he said I want to bang you etc etc but um he's like I want I don't want some finger foods I want some fingers in you they're not even witty they're just gross you know he's like look here we are inside I want to be inside a you she's like oh he has been growing up he needs to do but um yeah so they have that awkward flirting thing wasn't going to save us stupid of me out yeah he's gross and he's really creepy when he says things like rocky she's playing hard to get but I'm just ignoring it because I don't take no for enhancer I'm like okay well I know that you're probably international waters right now but please don't say that in America because you'll probably go to jail okay yeah yeah yeah yeah he's gonna he's gonna grow up very soon and I feel worse for Amy because poor Amy is sitting there and rocky he's like I'm running him a nut about how much I don't like him and she writes it all in caps and it's like they're a meal you're liking the con and mixed professor and dawah on the ship or whatever and then she gives it to him and then she she's like well how do I give him the idea and poor Amy's like just putting her weave down and you know like pretending she's not hearing any of this she's like maybe I'll pretend to be a lesbian in case like no that'll probably turn him on so I would suggest just fucking the hippie she's like oh that's a great idea and you just see Amy deflate it's like there's another one hey starfish uh you want to come to the dance with me after all four things she's like I'm gonna ask this frenzy if it will play you know with me later and it's like meanwhile but by the way meanwhile she gives she gives that note to Emile and he's all pissed off he's all angry like yeah and he's doing that he basically is doing that thing like you gave me all the signs you gave me all the signs it's like no no dude she gave she did at one point because she's interested and then she stopped and now you're actually you're being rapey now well you don't have a right day green forever Emile eventually you have to stop when they you know how about you get wasted on a date and how about if it's a date uh and you don't go in for the kiss that you go in for the kiss a stupid Emile and traffic court would be like red light what are you talking about it was green then it turned red but first it was green so i went through it then i got out and i helped the pole i stuck it in there real good that's right damn my man show me one thing i did wrong they're like uh you ran a red light they're like listen it's like listen i know it said stop but i don't care what it said it's not my fault that i crash into three cars in the intersection just consistent stop boss sister gave me that intersection don't make it's time to go now this is enough then this is over two hours and we just talked about mains for like an hour darling come on good times all right everyone thanks for listening it's always fun we will chat with everyone next week two more brand new fresh episodes and a bonus episode if you want to get involved with the bonus episode it's pretty simple you go to patreon.com and you support us yeah just you can support for as little as a dollar per episode oh the new ringers just came out too so the subscriber ringers are up and you guys they're really funny today because uh there's a Valentina Valentina Valentina Valentina Valentina Valentina Valentina Valentina I can't stop i just keep pressing the sounds button to hear it over and over um so yeah also come to our facebook dot com slash watch at crappins to talk crap with us during the week check out watch at crappins.com for all our links and in the meantime oh my god so much good real house wise of orange county shit has been coming out and they're actually shooting the uh reunion right now Ben as we speak in some terrible hotels somewhere with a roast ribs for list carpet can't wait so we will be here to talk all of that crap uh next week and in the meantime if your children bother you have them cleared and i think that's it that's it bye everybody bye love if you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining wondry plus in the wondry app or on apple podcast prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com/survey. I'm Lindsay Graham host a wondry show american scandal we bring to life some of the biggest controversies in u.s history presidential lies environmental disasters corporate fraud in our latest series entrepreneur Lou Perlman becomes the mastermind behind two of the biggest pop groups in the world the backstreet boys and in sync he also oversees a sprawling business empire that includes a charter jet company restaurants and real estate but perlin's successful facade crumbles after he sued by the boy bands for siphoning millions from them and soon investigators discover that purlman is keeping his empire afloat through an even more devious scheme follow american scandal on the wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts experience all episodes ad-free and be the first to binge the newest seasons only on wondry plus you can join wondry plus in the wondry app apple podcast or Spotify. Start your free trial today.
