- Reconnecting with people in your life is so important and sending a holiday card is a meaningful way to do that, but it can be hard to know where to start. Shutterfly makes it so easy to share a custom card that's perfectly you. - Shutterfly has a style for everyone. Find a card that reflects your vibe. - No professional photos, no worries. Shutterfly multi-photo designs are great for candid photos, travel photos, or even school photos. I love the Shutterfly card feature because I'm so lazy about going to a store and getting a card for people. And so this way I can just be on my phone. I can take a photo, I can upload it to Shutterfly, I can make the card right there, and send it off without having to leave my home or wherever I am. - I've been making really funny ones. I mean, I'm the new Maxine. Find the perfect holiday card for you at Shutterfly.com and start customizing today. - Enjoy 40% off your Shutterfly order with promo code Crap and Sporty and send something meaningful this year. Get free shipping on qualified orders. See site for more details. - Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. - From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. - Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. - And personal efforts brilliantly subversive James. - Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. - I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. - Especially when it's told by a full cast like that. Like it's a full production. It's gonna be like a radio play, you know? - That's major. - Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best, waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. (upbeat music) ♪ Crapins, who cares what happens when there's so much that ♪ ♪ Crapins ♪ ♪ Crapins ♪ ♪ Crapins ♪ ♪ Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap ♪ ♪ Crapins, who cares what happens when there's so much ♪ ♪ Crapins, who cares what happens when there's so much ♪ ♪ Crapins, who cares what happens when there's so much ♪ ♪ Crapins, who cares what happens when there's so much that ♪ ♪ Crapins ♪ - Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Where Crapins, a podcast about all the crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mantleker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast and joining me as always is the hilarious, the funny, the lovely and the non-snake-bitten Ronnie Karam. - That's right, Ben, there's snakes at button, me darling. - Hi everybody. - I'm mentioning that because I just saw a headline about a child getting bitten by a snake at the Birmingham Zoo, which has nothing to do with Bravo, except in a metaphorical sense. But Ronnie is from trashtalktv.com, which is exciting. And even more exciting is that you all, all y'all, can follow us on social media by going to watchracrapins.com and you'll have links to all of our social media on there, Instagram, Twitter, et cetera. We just started a Vine channel this week and we have about four little videos on there that are really funny. So, and if they're not funny, they're at the very least bizarre. So, go through those. And then Facebook, facebook.com/watchracrapins. So much fun. Everyone is posting crap on there in the best possible way. We talked about a bunch of the stories that people posted on there on our bonus episode, which we recorded earlier today. So, some of y'all got mentioned by name. So, if you want to hear your name, perhaps. If you get the shoot scene. No, but anyway, if you want to listen to the bonus episode, you go to patreon.com/watchracrapins and you'll find out how to sign up there and support us. It'd be great. Our bonus episode was over an hour long today. So, it is really a lot of extra content that you get. We talked about internet outrage. We talked about Big Brother. And we talked about that guy from Boston who saw us on fish. - Yay! - What the FJ! What is that thing? It's a flounder. - Hello, J! - Hello, what the fuck is that, bro? - J! - What the fuck is that? - J! - Who made it go back up, J? - J! - Get it down the ball, bro! - Come on, bro, pull back, go! - Pull back, bro! - The scene's in the game. - We ain't never seen before, kid. - Bro, that's like a fucking video, bro! - We're gonna be on the news, bro! - We gotta call the aquarium a somethin', bro. - We gotta call the aquarium a somethin', bro. - If you guys have missed that, that is a wonderful YouTube video going around. We have two idiots, see a sunfish, and don't know what it is. Dye-ing, will make me laugh every time I hear that. - It's a total sketch. - Yeah, it was-- - Yay! What the fuck, bro? (laughing) What the fuck? - All right, let's move into the show. - Yeah, so anyway, to be honest, bonus episode, really good, really fun. We really got into it, so go listen to that. We have no next issue ad today, and we have no Casper mattress ad today, but I can say that my Casper mattress, I'm telling you, I am sleeping like a baby people. Like a baby. - I'm sure that everybody's so disappointed that we're not gonna do our ads for 30 minutes. - I know! (laughing) - The podcast about ads. - Wait, there are two more things we have to mention. That tonight, if you're listening to this in time, tonight at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern, we are doing a hangout on Google for people who subscribe on Patreon at a certain level. So again, go to Patreon for all the details on that. It's always a lot of fun when we do that. We'll have all, the links will be up, et cetera. And I tried, rather unsuccessfully, to start a hashtag this week, but I wasn't trying to be viral, but if there's something you want us to talk about on the bonus episode, use the hashtag, #crapinsbonus. The only reason why I started the hashtag is that way I can click on it, or Ronnie can click on it, and we can see immediately what topics to talk about. So, we'll look at that. - Look at that? That's like having a trapper keeper full of, you know, it's like having Luan's, it's like having Luan, it's like having Luan to let's have stress. - Very organized. - Very organized. Very organized. So that's it, that's all, that's all that we have to say. And now-- - We did it! - We did it! Wait, oh, I have an anecdote. (laughing) - If it's about an effing mattress, I'm gonna kill you. - It's not. No, something super cool happened yesterday when I went to visit Tiago, my favorite coffee shop. One of our listeners, Mika, I think it was Mika, but it's Micah, Mika, who works pretty much upstairs from Tiago, she walked up and was basically like, I recognize you, I listened to the podcast, and it was the coolest thing ever. So Mika-- - That's awesome. - Thank you so much for coming over to say hi, that truly made my day, and I was fasting for Yum Kapoor, and I was so hangry, and you turned my hanger frown upside down. - Oh, that's cool, I like that. - So cool, I was like, wow, we have a real podcast where people recognize us, it was very, very cool. Very, very-- - It's been your favorite place, you're like, I idolized Tiago. - Tiago was fantastic yesterday, there was some huge bodybuilder there, and he had a tiny little coffee cup, and then there was a fight between the busboy and the barista, it was just like, and then Mika came in, it was just so much drama. - Wolf it! - So, can we just, should we just get on with Ladies of London, my favorite show of the year, perhaps? - Let's please do that. - Love this show. I mean, I shouldn't say a favorite show of the year because we still have Vanderpump Rules coming up. Secrets and Wives was pretty damn fantastic, but Ladies of London, killing it. - This is the first time, because every time I noticed something new in the opening, this is the first time I've noticed that they basically stole Toxic for the theme. Have you ever noticed that? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, - I actually don't like the opening theme song, I'd have to like-- - It's Toxic! It's literally Toxic but made into like girl rock or something, what the hell? - It's also-- - It's also-- - It doesn't girl rock enough, I mean, come on. - It's also just a Toxic opening credits, I'm like, I feel sick already. - Stop describing the things people are injecting into their faces, all right? What are the women about? - I know, no, I just feel like they could use a better song, but, so the show opened up, and by the way, I took lots of notes today on both shades, okay, they said no-- - No, let's have a note. - Wall bean? - Note wall. So it starts off with flashes of Christmas with the ladies, they each took a little bit of video with their phones, and my favorite was they start with Annabelle, she's decorating a tree with granny, she's like, Annabelle, the rock star. Here I am being a rocker, decorating a tree with an old lady. - She's like, Graham, I've straightened up the cat, so now let's put on a decoration before we do the heroin, get naked and fuck the neighbors. - Like, Granny was probably like, it's so lovely to celebrate with one of my peers. - She's like, I'm meaning, I'm meaning lining Granny right now. Very fucking Christmas rock and roll. - My granny was amused, Alexander's granny. (laughing) - I was raised by affluent grannies, but just like, Alexander. - I love Christmas, I love seeing my family, I love that whole season, I love that everybody's just so nice and happy and like, I really love Christmas. I do not love Christmas in England, okay? They were showing all these shots, these beautiful shots, and I felt empty inside, and I was like, why do I feel like I want to start crying? And then I realized it's because one of my favorite movies is love, actually. - Love, actually, I was about to say. - And Emmet Thompson totally gets screwed over in that movie, and that's the end. Was it Emmet Thompson? - Was it Emmet Thompson? - I thought it was, what's her face? It got screwed over. - Who was she? - Laura Lenny. - Laura Lenny, hello. - Oh, yeah, she did too, I think. But Laura Lenny-- - Yeah, yeah. - Lenny Thompson's the one I remember. I think because she was the one trying to make things better with her husband, 'cause she felt like he was out of love, and then she saw him buying her a special gift in the store, and she was so excited to get it. And then she realized that the special gift was for his mistress, and she got a fucking scarf, and then it ends. - Honey, what the hell? - Well, I didn't remember that part. All I remember, I actually didn't really like that movie that much, but-- - Oh. - Clip, slam, laptop shut, leave. (laughs) - Assault on Christianity, that's the bonus. - This is assault on love, actually, a tea. How dare you, sir? - No, my favorite storyline in that movie was when Laura Lenny was attracted to this super, super hot guy in the office, and then he finally pays attention to her, and it looks like they're going to find love, actually, and then she has this stupid fucking asshole brother, and she winds up spending Christmas with her brother and says, "The hot guy," and she's destined to a life of loneliness. I was like, "This is a one storyline I cared about, "all these people," and it had to end like this. I was like, "Love, actually, love, not really." Never choose your brother over ass. I mean, that is the way to have the smallest family ever, and never have Christmas music, but if your brother has been over by a car, you have nobody. - By the way, Crapin's quotes at Crapin's quotes on Twitter, I think there's your first one. Never choose your brother over ass. - You guys, Crapin's quotes is back. I don't know who did the original Crapin's quotes. - Yeah, we got like a weird message from someone being like, "I have taken over now." I was like, "Okay, I don't know." - Is it, did they say, "I want to know?" - Whoever it is. - I don't know. We don't know who you are. - Thank you. - Yes. - Love it. - Love it. - Love it. - No, but anyway, I disagree with you about, when I say it. - Well, what a shocker, Ben. What a shock. - Here's what I have to say, okay? So I didn't even really like "Love, Actually," but I like the feeling of the movie. I did like the English Christmas, this and that, and like, "What's gonna be the number one song "for the Christmas pop charts?" And so when they are all Christmassy and "Ladies of London," I'm like, "Oh, it's the best part of "Love, Actually." It's that lovely English, British Christmas thing, so I didn't feel empty on the inside. I enjoyed seeing the clips, but I did not enjoy, was freaking Marissa, who I've grown to hate, because the editors have want me to hate her, and you know what, I will, on behalf of them. And she's like, "Okay, everyone, we're gonna write a note "to Santa, dear Santa. "What do we want to write to Santa? "Do we want to wish for a hot dog for Santa?" - Shit, Marissa. - Ah. - Hot dogs. - So stupid, Marissa. She's like, "Dare Santa, I'm just writing the slaughter." - To say, I really don't appreciate-- - The way that you cleaned out my fireplace last year. If I want-- - My fireplace cleaned, I'll call a chimney company, like every other American. (laughing) - And then we also saw Juliette frolicking by the beach, and this actually annoyed me, and I'll tell you why. She made such a commotion about Thanksgiving, and it has to be just the way I remember in Chicago. You know, cozy, it could be on couches, it's relaxing, that's what Thanksgiving is for me. I'm like, "Oh, so did Christmas also have a beach "in the tropical sunlight with no snow?" Because you were talking so much about how Thanksgiving had to be just like it was, friends at the little sites at home, at Inigo, and have a non-traditional Christmas, and in Cancun, or wherever you were, it's gotta be one of the other ladies. - Thanksgiving in my house is really traditional, Ben, but Christmas isn't, Christmas is bikini time in my house, and so we used to gather around, some people gather around trees, we gather around a big hole in the beach, and then make a castle in it, and say, "Thank you, God." Okay, that's tradition, Ben. - The reason why I want to climb up British society is that way I can fulfill all my dreams of being the queen of the sand castle. - Mm-hmm. - She's like, "That sand castle isn't respecting my wishes," and it's like, it's always trying to make decisions. - Stop it, sand castle. - I have to show that sand castle my yoga poses. Like, I feel like me and that sand castle, I feel like we're destined to be friends, but like, I don't know what you think about you, sand castle. - So, we moved on from there to Annabelle and Julie haven't lunch. - Yeah, well, okay, so here's another thing that cracked me up. They, Julie shows up, Annabelle, pretty much sticks her tongue out her throat. She like gives her such a big kiss on the mouth, and they sit down and Annabelle's like, "Oh, I've got a bit of a cold, I hope I didn't give it to you." Like, wait, just, just, you're on the mouth. Like, the biggest kiss on the mouth I've ever seen in my life. Oh, darling, but don't worry, it's a rock and roll call. It's very, I believe I got this call from Alexander. He once had a cold in her tongue coffin to this jar, and when the time's appropriate, I'm gonna open the jar and get his cold. - Do you know how difficult it is to have a ghost cold? No one believes me. - She was complaining when she was talking about her cold because she's leaning back in her chair like in a rock star pose. Like, she just can't sit up, darling. She's like, it's all beneath her to even sit up and pay attention. She's like leaning back like a rock star. She's like, "I've got a bit of a cold, do you know what I mean?" - I'm shut, my voice all deep. And it's rather, I think it's, I mean, rather rebellious, I mean, I have a cold. Everyone's healthy, and I'm gonna be like, "No, I'm not healthy." I guess I've probably been a rebel like that. - And Julie's like, "A cold, she needs some vitamin C. "I have some vitamin C. "My person, you need a Band-Aid. "Oh, the turnover, I'll spank you. "Sometimes she can spake a cold out. "Oh my God, I'm stroking out." - Actually, it's kind of crazy. One thing I like to do is I like to take a bunch of different vitamins and instead of getting a multivitamin, I take a bunch of them and put them all together into a ball. And I call it Jove, which stands for Julie's Unbelievable Vitamins. - I'm going on a shark deck this week to pitch it to Barbara Corcoran. - She was thinking to talk to Annabelle about her new, or her business that she's trying to make bigger. - Yeah, Julie's Unbelievable Balls. - By the way, I have to say, I did not hate this business. I actually was intrigued and, I don't know, little healthy balls, kind of, I would have them. - Oh my God. - I would have, I'm always looking for a healthy snack, Julie. - Well, Julie's Unbelievable Balls. - Yeah. - It seems like an awkward time in history to be saying that. Like with everything going on with the acceptance of transgenderism, it's like maybe trying to pander to the wrong crowd unfairly, you know? Like you don't get to just say you have balls, and then suddenly we're all supposed to jump on your side, Julie. - I think it's an interesting development for the lineage of the Earl of Sandwich. I think it's very much like, well, one of the Earl of Sandwich's greatest contributions to the world was the creation of the sandwich. And then his ancestors later introduced us to healthy balls. - Tostinos were not invented until a pizza maker in Italy married an American, okay? - The American was the one. Ms. Tostino was the one who walked in there and was like, "Pizza should be an apple." I guess imagine when they're going to some royal event and now announcing the Earl of Sandwich and his wife, the CEO of Julie's Unbelievable Balls. - So good. - The Sandwich, an American has turned the sandwich into a ball. Please welcome Sandwich Ball Lady of Sandwich. - Nae. - Julie and Julie would be like, "Oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm late. "Oh, I've lost a shoe within the car. "I feel like Cinderella, but poor, it's not made of glass. "I'm so sorry, the kids were hungry. "Oh, they hated my mac and cheese. "Does anybody have any mac and cheese stamps? "I do not understand your milk in this country. "I'm freaking out." - This is crazy. I mean, like, we're at a ball, and I'm here to sell balls. I mean, this is just so, it's so crazy. I mean, what kind of life do I lead? I mean, it's bizarre, and the hot chocolate here, it's perfectly cooked. I mean, I don't even know. It's crazy. I'm going to do a headstand now. - Thanks for having a ball. Oh my God, I couldn't pay for that kind of branding. Like, I literally couldn't, 'cause we're broke. How do we live in a castle? Ah! - You know what I just had? I just had another great branding idea. We're going to have an app for Mapperton called the Mapperton with the APP in it, capitalize. I mean, it just writes itself. - I'm going to come out with a special holder for Julie's balls, and it's going to be called the basketballs. And then when people search on the internet, they're just going to find it over and over, and they're just going to keep rooting and over again. - It's rooting for it and rooting for it, and it's never going to die. - We're going to sign a deal with England's top basketball team. You guys have a basketball team, right? No. Oh my God. I'm in the wrong country. Well, who would have thought? I mean, this is my life, you know? - No kidding. Like, if you're an American in England, why don't you just invent basketball? I can't see this. Not only is the idea not taken, you know it's going to be popular. Julie's balls, get out of here. - I'm going to support her balls. - I really do like Julie. - I can't wait to get a genuine human being, and I really do like her, and I feel terrible for her because I'm saying I like her, and then I'm dissing her. But listen, this is how to love, okay? She's a lovely, thin-skinned woman. - So, I wasn't even going to say that. I'm just going to say she's very like vampire looking. The dye is wrong, the bleach is wrong. Then there's the light on her eyes are making it look like she has vampire eyes against the yellow straw hair, and I just feel awful for her, and she's like wanting to be taken seriously, and you cannot be taken seriously with a bad dye job. - I agree. I think that, you know, dye job be damned. She seems so nice and so friendly and so relatable, and it's funny 'cause last season, she was the one that they all wanted to be cool with. They're like, well, she's going to be, like her husband's going to be the Earl of Sandwich, so everyone's cozying up to her, and this season, she's like, hey guys, did you start without me? You know? - Yeah, everyone's like, oh my God, we're in a castle. We know a lady, and then they get a bill for dinner, and they're like, wait a second. - It's like, thanks for supporting my cafe. (laughing) - That's exactly it. So she's poor, darling, move on. - So at this tea time or lunch that she was having with Annabelle, Annabelle revealed that she's writing a children's book, and they show pictures, and the main character of the children's book is just scowling, just angry. I'm like, yeah, that sounds about right. - Yeah, and this whole thing was so good 'cause Annabelle's business, of course, is writing children's books, like the last person in the world you would think, the most dreary person in the world, and writing children's books. - And she made a book, I think about a little monster or something, and she's telling us a story behind it with her dead eyes. She's like, I was rich, I grew up rich, wealthy, fabulous. I had fabulous dinners, but school was hard. I was lonely, fearful, and angry. I would stand behind walls, and then I would get so upset that I would run up and threaten to kill people. (laughing) - 20 child therapists, by the time I was eight years old, I'm like fucking rich people in their therapist. She's like, you're a child with a therapist, okay? She's like, that's why I decided to be a rebel. - Yeah, that's like what I was gonna say, she's like, that's when I became a rebel. - Then they cut to a screenshot of the book, and it's a kid jumping off a roof, okay? Literally, I'm not making this up. And then Julie stays kind of quiet while she's listening to this, and she goes, well, we all need a release for our anger. (laughing) I love my kids' books, that's a totally reasonable place to release your anger, kids' books. - What the fuck, Joe? - I love this video. - I know, well, I just loved that one by Annabelle Sebelle. That's why I became a rebel. I was imagining her then saying, oh, and now would you like to see some footage of me and Granny decorating the tree? - I'm such a rebel. (laughing) - I'm such a rebel. - Granny shit herself during the tree decoration, and I didn't change her diaper for over an hour. - Rebel! (vocalizing) - And then Annabelle was also tearing up. She was like, well, you know, I was so drawn, you know, they put me in a dunce cap. (laughing) - Which cracked me up. She's like crying at the table. Like, I was a dunce cap, made me feel like an idiot. - It's why I have to tease my hair in the back. My head never really recovered. (laughing) Dunce caps are not made for babies when they still have softies. - To this day, I still cannot eat bugles. (laughing) - I saw a traffic cone the other day, and I crumbled it into a sobbing mess. - I kicked them all over and said, you're not stupid, you're not stupid. Whoever's under there, you're not stupid. And there was no one there. It was a bunch of dunce caps with no one under. - Have you ever tried eating ice cream in a waffle cone? (laughing) I've died inside. (laughing) At the end of this much scene, it's like. ♪ Girl power ♪ ♪ Girl power ♪ - I'm like, because they have products. Like, that's what "Girl Power" is. It's like, "Girl power!" We found something stupid to sell to idiots. - I know. - Congratulations. - But again, I support Jubb, and oddly enough, as much as we're making fun of it, I actually thought Annabelle's children's book looks halfway decent, so. Now, here's the next product. So then we cut to Marissa. - Love the part where the kid jumped off the roof. (laughing) I'm buying this from my depressed child, who's at nine therapy for his eight. What the hell? - So then we cut to Marissa, and there's some wonderful news about Marissa's new restaurant. She's decided that she wants to open up something. Well, she was raised in Southern California, in case you couldn't tell from the accent. And there was always a hot dog on the grill somewhere, which is a lie. It's not like. (laughing) Not like we're walking around in a sea of hot dogs, if anything, they're burgers, but like hot dogs. So she says, she's getting open up a hot dog place called Top Dog in London. I'm like, bitch, don't you know, there is a regional chain called Top Dog in California? Like, are you seriously gonna start this right now in London? - Yeah, because in America, there's like literally a top dog everywhere, which is why I'm starting a top dog. It's just like, the next restaurant I'm gonna open up, it's gonna have farmed a table food. And so in honor of the farm, I've just had to call this restaurant McDonald's, 'cause old McDonald's had a farm. (laughing) - Marissa, okay, she's like, my husband, if like, he's one of the most renowned restaurant tools in the world. - In the world. - But like, he can't help the fact he's not born in America. I am American, he needs me. - Like Americans are only under, Americans are the only ones who can possibly understand taste buds. (laughing) - What he's like talking about. - He's the only, like, he just does not know what American street food is like. I'm like, listen, hot dogs are hot dogs. Okay, there are good hot dogs, you know, there, I always say this, there's a certain ceiling to how good a hot dog can be. There are some great hot dogs out there, but I trust that a British guy will know what a good hot dog is, I'm sorry. - Well, it's so funny 'cause a hot dog, you know, just listening to her explain it, like it's such a fancy thing, and she's talking to an idiot, you know? - Yeah. - Like, hot dog, well, let me see. It's like, a hot dog is like a recycled man, but instead of aluminum and tins, as you would call them, it's filled with, like, body parts, and, like, unused parts of pigs and cows, possibly buggers, blood and pests. Then it's putting, like, a tube of skin, you guys call it skin hair, and then it's shaped like a dick and thing. (laughing) - It's gonna be fun. - The end. - It's like a bitch, it's fucking a hot dog, shut up. - And since when is Marissa the authority on hot dogs? - That woman looks like she never has hot dogs. Like, maybe she has one a year, okay? She is a person who threw a Thanksgiving party that was out of Down Abbey. It was so stuffy, and now you're supposed to be the authority on hot dogs, I say no, ma'am. I say have a seat. - You know that nobody really eats hot dogs when they say things like, "American street food." - No, no, no. Like, let's not get fancy like we're on. I'm gonna open a restaurant based on street food around the world, you know, when people get, like, really snotty and they actually do produce street food. Like, you don't get to describe it like that. It's like, it's popcorn for $20 a plate. Welcome, this is American street food. So it's not fancy, it's fucking fucking hot dog. - Steep it, steep it. - Also, I'd like to point out that she named her restaurants and she's like, "Well, I'm a restauranteer, and we are on pumpkin, bougie, and a clap." - Yeah. - So we're sitting, are all of those names for kind of her life. - Like, exactly. - Different times in her life, you know. - Exactly, and I also don't understand how having three restaurants makes you one of the most famous restauranters in the world. - Oh, Lord, Melissa. - She's so pretentious, but as I was saying earlier, I'm just keeping with the thread I started earlier, which is, I at least still like her because I believe that she's really liking that. - I don't believe she's putting on anything. I think she really believes that she's the Queen of England. - Yeah, I think so too. So then, let's see, next we saw Julia and Julia doing yoga and Julia announced that she's gonna be hosting New Year's Eve. Nothing really happened in the scene, if I remember correctly, correct? - No, Julia made a few passive aggressive remarks about how she's gonna invite Marissa 'cause that's nice. - Oh yeah, they're like-- - Yeah, they're very smart. - That's a nice thing to do 'cause I'm nice. That's how we did things. Yeah, that was funny. So then we went, we saw Caroline at work. - Melania, that's how it opened. I died. - No, she goes, "Renya, come here, Pauline, forward." Pauline, forward, Valentina, stop. Pauline, pass Valentina, Valentina, now you move. Now both of you step aside, let Renya come through. All right, Pauline, go to the stock room. Forward, slowly. - And she's the-- - She's the one to talk like that, yeah. - So funny because of course she opens the scene with tears in her eyes like she's about to spare a song. And they showed them, they showed close arms of every employee's face leading up to the scene and everybody was terrified and had a frown on their face. I was laughing my ass off. I rewound it like three times, it's like-- - All right, get shot of every terrified employee and then you're here. - Valentina, Melania, and you're-- - And then Renya comes in and she's like, "Here's the deal, we have nothing, all right darling." - And she's like, "It seems like you don't care, man." - And mom, it seems like you don't care about the gift shop and the people who are here for you, man. It's not that I don't care, it's just that I can't care. You can't be the owner of a business that is doing, that it's huge and it's doing as well as this one is, without, what'd she say? You can't do that and be of worse or something. She's like, "I'm stopping a pussy, darling." - Man up, grow a pair. - Cold Julie, she's selling bowls, you need a pair of them, darling. - Custom around the office. - All right, mama, I'll get some balls for you. What flavors do you want? Oh, if you have to ask, you're already fired. All right, then, mom, I'll go get thin bowls. Would you also like me to get a brain for the monster you're building in the back room? Yes, that'd be what's lovely. - All right, mom. - I love it. - I know. - Forward, Valentina, slowly. He's the forehead. - Oh, she's my favorite. And she killed it this entire episode. - Oh, she was out of charge. All right, what a bitch and what a hilarious bitch. - Yeah, amazing. - Yeah, so basically her company, they screwed the pooch with Christmas and they only have three months of funding instead of six months of funding and she has to figure out who she'll execute first to save their money. - Yeah, the actual business stuff, I was like, "Yawn," 'cause we already know how that's turning out because it's an administration, currently. - It's an administration. - And when she says, "People want me to fail," I don't think that, I mean, I certainly, as a person, don't want to see her fail. But, you know, I mean, of course it's fun when all you talk about is how brilliant, successful you are and then give everybody an ask for advice and then, like you fail. - Yeah, but she's at least being forthright about the fact that the business isn't doing well. She's not trying to act. She's not like frickin' Cynthia Bailey being like, "Business at the Bailey Agency is better than ever." And there's like a cricket hopping around, you know? - Yeah, yeah, true. We're like, "Peter's brew." - So the amount of respect, the difference between the amount of respect I feel for Cynthia and Caroline is so immense, like it's so vast. I can't, I can't believe and comment on it. It doesn't even deserve a comment telling. That's why it took me five minutes to get one out. - And the difference is also that Caroline could sell me a cup of Peter's brew and I would be like, "This is wonderful." 'Cause Caroline would say, "I bought this for you "and you will like it." And that's that. - All right, man, I'll drink this coffee. - Caroline will be like, "Drink, drink. "Valentina, come in here. "I want to watch you eat steak. "Valentina eat." - Now stop, stop mid-two. - Rania, come in here and watch Valentina eat. - Don't swallow, that's why you're fat telling. - All right, Rania, are you hungry? - I love everybody. - Are you hungry Rania? - Yes, Mum. - Well then, stuff for you, bollocks for you. You have to watch Pauline. - Yes, Mum, I'd be honored to watch Pauline, man. - Then we get to go see more Julie, who's just killing it. Love her. - Julie, she's running around her kitchen. - Oh, I'm gonna take some oil of her. I can out some brown brides milk because-- - Guess what? - I don't feel good. - You know why, 'cause guess what? Julie has a cold. Wonder where she got that from. I nearly fell out of my couch when she said that. She's like, "Oh, I have a cold." It's like, yeah, that's because Annabelle frenched you in the tea time. - It's 'cause you're too polite to wipe your mouth after a kiss, don't forget what it's like to be an American. - No, that's right. - We don't kiss you. Like, maybe you're a cheek, and even there, I'm like, I don't know if you wipe your cheek with your hand, and God knows where your hand has been. Don't kiss me, darling. Egg kiss, egg kiss. - So, Julie, she's sick, and it's a bad time to be sick 'cause she's meeting with investors for Jeb, because she's gonna get money for Jeb to take it to the next level. She's like, "And the investments can take it from here to here." So, she's really excited about that. - I just don't like the name. She's like, "Hey, this is a big day for Jeb." - My poor thing. You know that that's what Jeb is called by Barbara. (laughing) It's just like, now listen here, Jeb. It's like, "Mama, it's not my name, mama." (laughing) - And then they line in her car with her gay, I wrote. - Well, so, but even before that, then Julie goes to meet Caroline. She's gonna get some business advice from Caroline 'cause Julie has this, it looks like she has a business-- - Oh yeah, I was on the way, yeah, I was on the way. - So, Julie has a business plan, and she's like, I don't know what it is, I mean, I can't even read. So, then they cut to her biking to meet Caroline, and she's biking, and of course, this woman is a lady, and she's like, "Oh, excuse me, everyone." "Oh, excuse me, I could just maybe move over." "Oh, okay, you don't have to." "Okay, that's fine, no, I'll just drive and travel." "Oh, excuse me, everyone, excuse me." She is like, the most downtrodden. Yeah, she is, she's got totally a good thing. - It's like, "I'm so sorry that I have a title, "I'm sorry I'm an American, I'm so sorry "I got in front of your statehood. "Oh, I'm so sorry that I'm from someplace else. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm going to slow in front of you. "Of course I'm the American, so I'm going slow. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." - Oh, poor baby, so then, yeah, so Caroline's in the limo, or in the car with her, with her gay buddy. She's like, "Be gay," and he's like, "Girl, gaya." "Girl, better, maintain." "Yes, mom, what'd you do? "Why are you here, Rania? "You should be back at the office." "Yes, mom, I'll throw myself out of the car right now." Phew, Caroline's like, "Well, I'm meeting with her to be her mentor, "but you know, look, I can meet with her for a few minutes "and give her advice, but it's totally different "than being a mentor, all right? "I don't have time for that." Quick advice and go, the end, that's all I mean, disgusting. - Like she's disgusted on a ray there, by the whole thing. I just love her. - I love it, she's like, I mean, what is this job of a Stanford Jules Big Fat Balls? And like Caroline, those are not even the proper letters for the acronym, but I just love this color. Jules Big Fat Balls. - That's true, that's why I wrote down Jub. That didn't make any sense, did it? I was wondering for I was getting Jub. Even as I said it, I was like, "What are you talking about?" That's where it's from, she's like, "Jub." So then, I'm just in the car with her gay, I like that she got out of the car and it totally reminded me of a rich lady getting out of her car and leaving her little yappy dog. - I know, the gay just sits there. - She's like, I won't be gone longer than five minutes. I'm not gonna be a mentor, you won't die in the heat. Stop complaining, dog. Stop yapping, window cracked. - Gay man, stay in the car. We will not leave the car running, so you'll just have to deal with the cold. Stay free. - It's hard out here, but as you're a homosexual, most likely you'll be able to produce shade. - Onwards. - If you get too cold, I suggest you get out of the car and prince about the way you gays always do. Good bye. So, she meets up. - Were they at Mapperton? - It looked like Mapperton, but then it wasn't sure, but then it was a cafe. I don't know what it was, but-- - It's like the Mapperton cafe. Julie's like, "Just meet me at home. I'll be sitting right by the cash register." - Yeah, Julie biked all the way over there and then they sit down with cake and coffee and whatever, tea, soup, and Julie's asking for advice and Caroline goes, "You know, I'm not being rude, but you're hardly the sharpest tool in the box. Like, actually, you are being rude, but you're a Caroline, so you can say it." - It's like, "Why don't you call these idiot bulls?" All right, and then the ingredients can be stupidity, idiocy-- - And foreignism, all right? (laughing) - I thought you were supposed to be the wife of the early sandwich, where is the sandwich here? It's just a bull. (laughing) What kind of lady of sandwiches are you? You don't even serve sandwiches. (laughing) - It's called Lady of Sandwich, not Lady of Balls. (laughing) So then, Julie hands over her business plan and he comes, "Well, you're not gonna go with this, are you?" She's like, "Well, I mean, I was thinking, I mean, I don't know." - I'm not gonna just whip out a piece or fold it a paper on that. I mean, it's gonna be a straight piece, all right? That's my paper, it's gonna be flat, so I'm not gonna be folded off. - Yeah, Caroline is so just missing. She's like, she looks like she's, she looks like, she looks like daily she's been dragged through her ass. She says, let me try this again. She looks daily, she's been dragged around by her ankles and she's been dragged through seven bushes. - That's so great. She's been dragged through bushes. She teaches yoga, she's got a home delivery service for bowl things. - I mean, she deserves, you know, she deserves a medal for walking around with roots like that. (laughing) - And then she's like, not to be rude. - She deserves a medal for most common lady. And then Julie, then it's become like this weird, like shark tank scene where Julie is pretending pitching to Caroline and Caroline's like, well, what are you gonna use the money for? And she's like, well, I need to hire a manager. I mean, I'm the brand and Caroline's like, well, you're definitely not the brain. - Mm, Julie, this is the part I really love this scene for some reason because Caroline was being such an out of control cut fitness in this scene and Julie was coming, Julie seemed in this scene at least to be like, yes, she's awful, but I know she's awful and she's funny and smart and that's why I'm meeting with her and that's part, her awfulness is part of that. So I like all of it. You know, like she was coming from such a cute place where she is being so accepting of such a bitch. So of course that warmed my heart, you know. It's like, oh, see people can be accepting of them. One day I'll have a friend to have lunch with Polly. (laughing) Thank you for the inspiration, ladies of London. - Thank you. - Until I look sick. So then everyone started getting ready for New Year's Eve because Juliet was hosting this thing where she's invited everyone 'cause she's nice. She's nice. And we saw Caroline Flaming for the first time this episode and she's like, I'm going to wear a long dress for dinner and then afterwards a short one for comfort. I was like, oh, that was a great arc for your episode. She's like, and with both, I will be wearing this queen colored fur with a bow in the center. What, it didn't match the white dress or the comfortable dress. What are you wearing? She's like, you're not wacky by not matching. She's like, well, I'm not matching because in life people don't match and that's the joy of the season. So I will not match, but we must match sometimes. We just musts, we must. Here are some fritos. (laughing) - I'm trying to see where I am. I'm still on balls 'cause I wrote down Caroline. - From Caroline. - No, no. It's my fault for not scrolling down, darling. I got tight minutes today. So you know, there's 20 pages of them, but I just wrote down Caroline saying, this needs a different name, darling. You can't call it balls. Why don't you just call it something closer to home? Like, sad sack. I mean, if it's going to need to be something about the testicles, darling. - Yeah, it's like, at least make it work. (laughing) - Scroll, scroll. You're definitely not the brand need more money. Okay, Juliet, nervous. Okay, Juliet's makeup job. Wow, so beautiful. - I thought it was great. I mean, I think that all the makeup artists on every other Bravo show should take heed because these women, every single woman on Bravo, always has a session with a makeup artist. I mean, like, they cannot do it by themselves. And everyone always acts like they're going off to the Oscars, okay? Do your own makeup for once, people. But that being said, they always get a ridiculous, smoky eye and some crazy blush. I mean, I don't even know. I don't even know makeup. But they always look like drag queens. This is like the first time I was actually, I agree with you. I was like, she looks fantastic. - Yeah, she really did. And I don't usually notice me neither. - Stuff like that. Like I'm not really that kind of gay, even though I just criticize someone's thing for not matching. But I can say I'm that kind of gay. - But yeah, I don't find myself noticing people's makeup jobs. But this one, I was like, whoa, because they showed her being nervous about it. Like, Martha blimped into that New Year's movie where no one was gonna show up and then they all did. And then she got too drunk to enjoy the party. And she was like that, like really nervous, like a nerd inviting all the popular kids. She was kind of drawn like a comic book nerd character, you know, like really animated kind of semi-cross side maybe. And then the makeup, I was like, oh my God, she's gorgeous. - She looked great. I liked her dress too. She looked great. And then meanwhile, also Caroline was getting ready with her sister-in-law, who is her friend too. And she lent, I forget the woman's name, but Caroline Giver earrings. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry. - Yeah. And she was like, if you lose these, I will literally move an ovary and a child. (laughing) And she will. Renee is like, oh, I wish I still had my second ovary, but I lost Caroline's earrings once. - I'll never forget the day I lost an earring, Mom. I would have had someone to spend the holidays with. (vocalizing) - Bad news, Mom lost them on another set of earrings. I guess no children for me now. Here's the second ovary. (laughing) - You often itches a full, Mom. (gasping) Everybody's lost your earrings. (laughing) - I lost me another set of earrings. - Bad news, Mom. (laughing) - The entire country is now sterile, Mom. Everybody's lost your earrings. - It's like, that's terrible news. - Fire them, fire all of them. (laughing) No lunch. - Do at least have-- - Thank you Valentina, blame England. - Do at least have some jelly tarts for me. - Oh man, Pauline et them all. Pauline, third, enter, sit down, you're fired. (groaning) - Wacky, white cream and fur. That's my next, that's my next note. White and cream and fur. - I don't know why I wrote that. - Oh, probably because Caroline Fleming walked in. Well, actually what I loved is that Caroline Fleming walks in and she's like kissing, she walks up to, I think it was Annabelle's friend and she, they kiss, they kiss on the cheeks like, oh hello, hello, hello, and then she's like, I'm Caroline. (laughing) That she hands out her hand. I'm like, don't you, if you don't know someone, don't you normally like do the handshake first. You don't do like the kiss on the cheeks. - That's why they would expect me to do it because I'm a royal, but I'm one of the people. And to me, kissing before personality judgments because we are all one. (laughing) It's like kissing my own cheek. It's like cheeks debating. If we'd all spend more time cheeks debating, there would be less laundry to do at the end of the week. Thank you. (laughing) - Cheeks debating. So, everyone arrived in the streets and then they all went downstairs for dinner and there was this beautiful table. I was like, oh, this table is just absolutely beautiful. Caroline Fleming was probably very confused. She's like, where are the massive structures in the middle of the table? Why is there not a bookcase on top of the table? I don't understand this table setting. - I leave it up to royalty to be eating at a dinner where there's nothing to obstruct my view of another space. Now I will not be able to judge them by their spirituality alone, but only by their face. - Also, I wanted to say as a gay who's not ever noticing this kind of thing, because I'm not one of those. The dress on Caroline killed me. It's like Jessica Rabbit, gorgeous Vavoom. Her boobs were out, looked fucking beautiful. - Which Caroline? - Non-hippie Caroline, like. - Oh, yeah. - You know, I loved her dress, is that a white thing? - Yeah. - Yeah, so beautiful. And when she was in there, her husband came in and he's like, doling, I forgot matrices. And she's like, oh, because she was calling Marissa. She was texting Marissa or something who forgot to get dressed. I don't know. - She forgot her dress. - She forgot her dress. - What an imbecile. - And then her husband's like, I forgot my trousers. - I just find it hilarious that here I am going on about how stupid someone is for forgetting something and then my own husband comes in here without trousers. - Guess we better hire another nanny for my husband. - Exactly. I just loved it. - She's like, I can't do everything in the instructions department. I need an assistant to write instructions for the other assistant to my husband. Show up about trousers. - Pauline. - Pauline. - Pauline, bring my husband as trousers. - Pauline. Valentina. - Valentina, get the trousers out of your mouth. - Valentina. - It was one lunch you had to skip Valentina. - Valentina, spit out the trousers. Get your teeth off the trousers. Pauline, get the trousers out of Valentina's mouth. Valentina. - Put your body into. - Valentina, here's a hanger. Put your teeth around the hanger. (laughing) Now chew Valentina. Rania. - You've got the body of the Simpson. You've got the body of Homer Simpson and the mentality of an Ethiopian hanger. You're not starving, all right. Check your resources, darling. - Pauline, we need these trousers to look good. All right, Pauline, fold. Fold again, fold. - They brought me new trousers, darling, but Valentina ate a swatch out of the knee. She's like, what's an imbecile? - What an idiot, it's like I've hired a goat. (laughing) Valentina, make me some goats, not cheese. Pauline, not Valentina. - Oh, so stupid. - Rania ferment the cheese. - Oh. - That is the frick dust mask. - The Juliet intro's Gregor, who's turning red. That's what I wrote, what does that mean, Ben? - Introducing her husband. I'm not sure. - Well, what I thought Caroline was being awful. I guess 'cause dinner. - So dinner, it was trying to introduce herself to the new people, and she's like, I don't know, oh no, she was introducing her husband to the royalty, you know? So she's like, this is my husband in that. - She's like giving his resume. She's like, Caroline's like, this is so typical of Juliet. Oh, I know the owner, and Juliet knows the bus board. - Yes, I actually laughed out loud when she said that. Because Julia was saying, well, Caroline, you are actually from Denmark, and my husband's been working in Stockholm, so, and then her husband's like, well, you know, same general region. Like not everyone in all of Scandinavia knows each other. It's like being like, well, this person's from Florida, and this person's from Wyoming, so anyway, you guys should hit it off. - Yeah. - I'm a gay cousin. - Yes. - But what Caroline was saying was that, Juliet is really eager to, she's a social climber, and she's trying to get in with Caroline Fleming, but basically Caroline Fleming doesn't give a shit about the London social scene, because she's actually royalty, so she doesn't have to give a shit about the social scene. So Juliet is basically barking up the wrong tree. And I loved actually how, I love how Juliet and Caroline were quote unquote bonding, because Juliet kept on talking, saying these things about yoga, and Caroline Fleming was being so fake, and Juliet was like, you know, I feel like when we first met, like we would be totally best friends. I think we're meant to be friends, but then I thought, I don't actually really know you, but I'm looking forward to getting to know you, and I'm looking forward to talking, and Caroline Fleming's like, oh, we shall, we must, so patronizing, oh yes, darling, yes, we absolutely will become friends, absolutely darling. Lunch must do it. Let me know when they finally open a restaurant that allows bare feet, and we'll be there together, darling. Until then, don't call me. And Juliet's like, yeah, but you know we should hang out, 'cause like, it would be so fun, 'cause like, you like stuff, I like stuff, like being happy, like, and it's just like you smile, and I noticed it, 'cause like, I look at myself, and sometimes I'm like, oh my God, I like to smile too. And then I was like, oh my God, we should be friends, 'cause you know, like, we both live in the same town, and like, we're like, we know things, and like, we have so much to comment, do you get hungry? I get hungry too, oh. - Oh, yes, oh, you know, absolutely, oh yes, we absolutely have to be friends. Here, why don't you join my professional LinkedIn network? (laughing) - She's like, I just became friends with something called Jubb. (laughing) - Do you know who Jubb is? I think it stands for Justine Bateman, but I don't know what her middle initial is, is it? - Ursula, is Hermit, is Justine Ursula Bateman? Is that who it was from Family Ties? - This is exactly the stuff I think about all day. We're gonna have so much fun thinking about stuff like at the same time together, at the same time. - Oh, we must, we absolutely must. Would you like me to bring some Cheetos on our play date? - So good, and so then it turns to Julie. - How did it turn to Julie? - So here's what happened. Julie was like, guys, who's doing yoga with me at 10 a.m. and everyone's like, no. She's like, come on guys, come on. And then Julie is like, oh, did you see this picture? And then they look at a picture of, I think it was Caroline, but it could have been, I think it was Caroline doing like a ridge. And then Julie's like, oh my God, why did you not IG this? - It's so good. - And they're all good. - I don't know, Tom. Why don't you just, why don't you just do it right now? - And IG, right now, oh my God, you dare me? Do you guys dare me to do an IG right now? Do you dare me, do you dare me to do an IG right now? - Dare me. - Oh my God, she dared me. She totally dared me, you guys. - I love to do an IG. - She seriously did that. She was going off and then she goes to sit off with her own camera crew. And the reason I point that out is this, 'cause it was hilarious watching the camera lights try to shift, it was like this big, huge moment. She's like, I'm gonna take an IG, guys. And then she sits down on, she sits down somewhere else and starts taking off her shoes. - Well, 'cause she's like, I don't know if we're gonna do-- - Don't dare me. - Yeah, 'cause we're gonna do a headstand there, her and Caroline Flaming. And she take her shoes off to do the stand. So then, the big controversy of the episode, or the first big controversy happened. So, they are doing their headstands, and Caroline goes immediately into the headstand. But Julie, she takes her time because she says as an instructor, that's what you do. You gotta take your time 'cause you're using your core more and it's harder. So Caroline makes, I think, actually a fairly benign joke, she's like, oh, I love how the yoga instructor is taking longer to get into the headstand, you know? Which was funny 'cause it's true 'cause we don't know. - It was funny, but it was totally rude. And she had been doing it the whole night to Julie. - She had a bit, for sure. - She was mocking her the whole night. She's like, oh, yoga, I'd rather stab myself in the face with them. - Yeah, and Caroline's like, I mean, I've never been-- - Caroline's like, I've never been to a formal party where a lady gets on her head. I mean, this is just absolutely ridiculous. I'd rather be eating a tub full of jub. - I'd rather have a free lunch sign over my eyes and let Valentina eat them off while I'm still living in the good, good, good, fun stomach. What a waste of time. - Pauline, on your head, now. - All right, I'll be supportive. - Pauline, head. - Valentina is Pauline in the stock room. Tell her to come up here and get on her head. Now you Valentina, whoever falls first is fired. - Let's go. - So they do this handstand thing and not to just completely always stick up for Caroline even though she's a total bitch because she was really, I think she was really rude. But-- - I don't need you to do that. - Julie really never did get into the stand, which was awkward, she could not do it. And that was a long shot. And a hippie girl did it in two seconds. Her feet were like right up in the air, perfectly pointed up, doing a great one. And the yoga instructor couldn't do it. That's why it was meaner. She was like, oh, look at that. One did it before the yoga teacher. Like it was totally, totally mean because poor Julie just announced 20 times she's gonna do this for IG, made everybody ship their attention for God knows how long all of this took. And never got into the pose and then was publicly marching, it was embarrassing. - I don't know, I didn't think it was a public mocking. I mean, I thought it was basically like, it's funny because it's funny because the teacher was taking longer. I mean, it wasn't saying that she's a bad teacher, it just was funny. - It was funny, I'm not saying-- - So, then Julie lost her shit. She went to another room and she started sobbing. She's like, Caroline took such a dig at me. And by the way, that's my next product, dig. It's gonna go along with a job. It stands for Dainty Island. Listen, weight loss drugs and GLP ones are all anybody's talking about right now. They're everywhere. But it's confusing to figure out how to get them. But it doesn't have to be. Through Hymns and Hers, you can get access to a budget-friendly weight loss program personalized just for you. - Hymns and Hers connects you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine your best treatment option. 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Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply, see Mint Mobile for details. - Got grapefruits, fancy island grapefruits. Like, I'm gonna take a grapefruit but I'm gonna turn it into a piece of bread because it's gonna go from a ball to something flat. I mean, it's crazy. I'm just gonna keep changing the shapes of things. - So then Annabelle goes to console her. Annabelle's like, "There, there." And then Ba-da, rock and roll. - You're crying as much as I cried when I lost Alexander! - She was literally like patting her on the head with like a fly-swatter from her up to feet away. She's like, "I don't think she meant it like that." - I'm like, "Yes, she did! "I'm moving to me! "I was dead! "I was dead!" - Well, I don't know that. - Should I stop crying before I put a dunce cap on your head? Then you'll know what real tears are. - There's no chapter where a child jumps off a roof because someone made fun of a yoga pose, darling. - Breathe the book. - So a little of Carolyn comes in. It's like, "Darling, I wasn't making fun of it. "I wasn't intended to like that. "It was a dig!" I love Carolyn, it's like suddenly the woman is crying, like the Titanic has taken her children. (laughing) - So dismissive. - And then she realized that it may have killed a many children, but it saved Kathy Bates. - How many people does it take before there's one grateful human being on this planet? That's what I ask you. - Stupid lady straight ahead. - We would have no misery if it went for Kathy Bates. (laughing) - So then on top of that, Carolyn says, "You know, she's basically talking about Julie crying." She's like, "You know, she could have ruined my entire night "if I wasn't me." - Good for you. - That whole thing was hilarious 'cause someone just wanting their feelings validated. Julie saw it like crying and she's saying, "I have my feelings to hurt that hurt. "It was a dig, it was me." And she's like, "No, darling, it wasn't me. "You're doing yoga at the end of the table. "How is someone not gonna comment on that "and say something funny? "It's not gonna happen." But it hurt my feelings and that was a dig. - "Darling, all I said was you." And she's like, "Yeah, but you said "that I was a yoga teacher. "I didn't even know how to do the pals." - Yes, yes, I did say that. Yes, yes, I did. But I didn't mean it like that. She's like, "You did, it was a dig." She's like, "All right then, that's enough. "I'm done, I'm leaving now. "I'm very sorry, the end." - Yeah. - Credit? - Rania, get in here and consult Julie for me. All right, man. - Rania, get in here with a bunch of words and just scroll them up until she understands it. Credit! (laughing) - Julie, mom says feel better. That is Julie, no one cares anymore. - Poor Julie and Julie just want someone to be like, "Listen, I really like you and respect you "and I know you're working really hard "and it's not easy being a fucking yoga teacher "when you thought you were gonna be royalty living "in a castle. "This sucks, I'm sorry. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I love you." - Yeah. - But, you know, you're asking so, it's like you're asking a sand pit for a glass of water, don't think it's just not gonna happen. - Yeah, no, it's a British high society. They're not all about touchy-feely things. They just say, "I'm terribly sorry, I feel better, "goodbye." - Mm, the end. - Pauline, console her. Valentina. - Seek the care. - Bring her tissues. - Tissues. - Tissues. - Don't be a pussy. - Okay, love you. It's like, that's the hug, don't be a pussy. - Julie. - Send her this out. - Back then. - Grow a pair. - Grow a pair. - How about you, I'm strapping a pair of those balls from your knapsack and traffic. - Take them onto your coach. - Lower region, Stalin. - Grow a pair, darling. - Grow a pair of jobs, why don't you? (laughing) - Grow a pair of jobs, why don't you? That needs to be out of bumper sticker that no one will ever understand. (laughing) - I always feel like we're saying juts, one of our listeners. Juts. - Mm-hmm. - Julie's unbelievable. Chee Zibraz. - Jutsus, juts. - So then, so it was like, happy new year. Everything is like, okay, with Caroline. - Julie, it's like, this is just like when I was a kid. Like, here we are, we're like on a balcony of a really fancy hotel. - Yeah. - It's just like when I was a little kid, my family used to do this, like, England. Yeah, fireworks in England, yeah. Wow. I was like being a kid. Okay, take my picture. - And then Marisa takes her picture and she's like, hunched over like she does this pose where she hunches on her upper thigh with her face, like a cheer, kind of a Greek cheerleading pose where you're the girl in the front and they're like, hunched down girl in the front so we can see the back that there's no one in the back. - Oh, Julie. - Please. - Never be less awkward, darling. - Julie, it's like, oh, she's like, this reminds me so much of when I was a kid because we weren't allowed to stay up late so we would watch the fireworks from London instead. I'm like, London is like seven hours ahead of Chicago. You're watching New Year's fireworks at 5 p.m. I mean, that's absurd. - Stupid. - Just like my family. - Childhood. - And then we'd go to bed and we'd unbuckle our belt to just sit there and stare at our wall and be like, wow, dude, America. Yeah, and remember all those times we celebrated Christmas down in San Juan, we're at our, we'd sit in our $57 million kitchen. - Yeah. - Watching football. - Oh, Juliet, please never change. I really actually like Juliet so much now. I don't know how that happened 'cause I used to want to just smack her. - But I love her now. She's so articulate. - I love all of them now. You know, it is weird about spending time with people you don't like. Eventually you just start to like them. - So then Caroline comes out. Now it's the after party. Annabelle has disappeared. It's probably after her old lady. She's like, I'm such a rebel. I'm going to sleep at 1202 like old rebels. So Caroline pulls out all these onesies. These really awesome onesies. Caroline's in a unicorn. She gives out a kangaroo, which she calls a koala for some reason. And she says the reason why she does it is because Marissa's always pulling out these silly hats and whatever. Then Caroline goes, do I think she's better than me in any way? - Absolutely not. I'm better than them all. (laughing) - That's right, Mom. You're the best, Mom. - You're the best, Mom. And I'm feeling best. - Yeah, so they touch me, Mom. - Oh, there's one thing that I haven't been going on about, which I want to. First of all, the sister-in-law's name is Sophie. And we know that she's going to be amazing because they keep showing her even though she doesn't say anything. - Well, she's beautiful. - Oh, yeah, she is gorgeous. - So the editors keep showing shots of her. I mean, she's been in the past, I think all the episodes, it's only episode three, right? So she's been in all the episodes so far, but she hasn't said anything yet. They keep showing her. She's not like someone that they just ignore like most of them. So we should have known she was going to be fucking amazing. And sure enough, this episode is when she starts and it all starts at the kiss on the balcony. It's New Year's and everybody starts kissing. - Sophie kissed people way too hard and way too long. - Yeah, I'm surprised. - I'm surprised. - I'm surprised. - I'm surprised. - Yeah, I'm surprised-- - It's like the-- - Yeah, I'm sorry, Ben. - I was gonna say, I'm surprised she didn't start making out with one of the gargoyles on the building. I'm like, "Hello, love, come on, give us a kiss. Happy New Year's gargoyle." - Oh, that was totally sorority lesbian. Like, "Where's that drag when we're gonna make out?" - I loved it. And then she proceeded to get more and more shit-faced. - And they all got shit-faced, which was great. And then as she got more and more shit-faced, she got more and more belligerent. And I was like, "This season is about to take a turn into amazing." - Yeah, next episode she'll be really belligerent. This was the fourth episode, by the way. And next week she'll be really crazy. But before there was a cliffhanger because Caroline, at one point, is standing over Juliet's husband in her unicorn outfit and doing pictures. And Juliet's like, "Oi, are you struggling my husband? That's not right. There are certain boundaries, and Caroline's like, "Not when you dress as a unicorn, and your husband said he loved it." (laughing) And she's like, "Yeah." That's it, to be continued. You know, it's a classic drunken argument. - Yeah, it was drunken. And she was humping the husband. And the husband's laying there on the couch. Like, he's lying down in his eyes or bleary-eyed and drunk. And he's just looking on confusedly. And Juliet's like, "Look, I know like you're funny, and like, that's your thing." You know, like, "Ha ha, funny." But like, that's a, like, that's why husband, so. - I don't think that Juliet gets to talk about protocols, okay? Social protocols, that's just not Juliet's wheelhouse, okay? Just be happy that you have fancy British friends right now, okay? - Yeah, and if somebody else is humping your husband, at least she's doing it on a couch in a living room instead of a restaurant which would be violating your family's needs. (laughing) - Also, I mean, we could just do a whole thing on Caroline's lines, but when she walked off, it was like, "Enough crying, I'm done, goodbye." - And Julie sat there sobbing like a mess in the hallway or whatever. They got to Caroline and she goes, "I don't know, she should not stay her way out of this one." (laughing) - She should have, actually. - Or she should have at least corrected Caroline. Or, I don't know, like, she's the very thin skin. She's very sweet, I really love Julie, but she needs to, you know, the thing is this, I've been friends with Caroline's before. I've been friends with people with very sharp, acerbic wits, and they do get you. They will get you. It's usually not a healthy relationship, and get out while the getting's good. You don't need Caroline. I mean, we love her, but I don't think I want to be friends with her in that capacity. - Yeah, well, look, as someone with a sharp tongue myself. - No, but you're not to say, "I'm bliss, "not really, I've had..." - I know that she's much more intelligent, but, like, as I tend to have the quality where I hurt feelings and don't mean to all the time, and my friends really do, I see them get, not hurt, but annoyed that I don't shut up. Like, it's very difficult, I think, when you have a mouth, sometimes like that, to not shut up. It's difficult, you know, it takes some work, darling. And I do work on it, and Caroline doesn't, and that's why she's my hero, 'cause she's like, "I need to work on nothing, I feel plenty." And you're an idiot, goodbye. - Yeah, I'm sick of that. - I'm not a lover. - I love her. - Yeah, I do, so that's why she's my hero. - Yeah. So let's move on to below deck. So we were going from, like we did last week, upstairs to downstairs. - Let's do it, Pian. - I love going downstairs, it's the up part, it's the horrible part. Thankfully, we're ending on this, and I could just sleep in the, what do you call it, the galley, the basement, what is it? - That's right, the galley. - Or something like that, steerage. So, the episode began with Emile working his awkward game on Rocky again. - Mm. Okay, you know what, since today's a day of me saying what I've been wrong about, 'cause I did it on Big Brother 2, Ben, you are such a smart television watcher, I have to say, when you predict shit, you do it right every time. You're almost always right, and I'm never right, and it makes me jealous. - What did I predict? - In this case, last week, I was saying that Emile was just not into it, and he was going to bed, and she was pathetic, and curled up in the fetal position on the floor, and he was like, "Bye, bitch." And you were like, "No, I think he likes her." I was like, "No." Like I was being awful. - You're so right, he does like her, he does that whole time. - Ronnie, I wasn't predicting anything. It was like, blatantly stated on the show, and for some reason I think you must have missed that moment, 'cause you were like, "No, he hates her," and she's desperate, I'm like, "No, he was going for her," and she was like, "Please go away." She said, "No, the vibe I got, I didn't hear that, and the vibe I got from it was that he was, he got so drunk 'cause it was awkward, and then it got more awkward, and then he was like, "It got more awkward from when she jumped in the ocean," and he was finally just like, "Okay, you're in the fetal position, I'm going to bed." But that wasn't the case. - Yeah, no, she's trying to get it. - I misread somebody's emotional state. What a shock. - You know what makes me sad on reality TV shows? When there's someone really hot and sexy, and then over the course of the season, you realize that they are dorky and in not the good way, and they have no game, and they suddenly cease being sexy, and you're like, "Oh, but you were so sexy, and now it's gone." And that's basically a meal. He's like, "Hey, Rocky, so your name's Rocky, how 'bout you rock on my penis, huh?" She's like, "Eh, no thanks." - Yeah, and even furthering that, when you get to know someone that hot and you start seeing through the cracks, it's amazing how your actual eyes see something physically different, because he's just the same. The guy couldn't have changed too much physically from last week to this, but last week he was like perfect, model, beautiful looking to me, and this week I was like, "He could use the teeth whitening." - Like it's so weird. Like these weird judgments come into my actual eyeballs, like they're taking over the physical world, Ben. - Yeah, he, like when you first started on the show, he just seemed like, he seemed to me this tall, strapping, Adonis of a man, I was like, "Wow," and you just see him so, like, you know, it was just awe-inspiring. And now I'm like, "Oh, he looks so short." He's so young and awkward, and, "Oh, he's like a little teenager." And it's like, "Whoa, he looks exactly the same, but like my perspective has totally changed on him." - By the end of the episode, I really loved him, because now I see him as just a vulnerable dodo bird, even though he's not sex anymore. He's just like, "Oh, sweet." - Right, like I tend to look at that guy and think, "Ugh, that privileged fuck, he's 20, he's gorgeous, he's blonde, like he has everything." And that's, you know, I tend to look at it from maybe, like, a resentful, bitter jealous place. And then, like, actually getting to know him, I'm like, "Well, yeah, I mean, I guess he has some advantages, but at the end of the day, he's just another insecure dude who just wants love, you know?" - Aw, cuz everybody, what took? - I like Kate, right, right, to be in the episode. Kate's like, "Oh, I mean, he's so dumb." (laughing) I know I just did a Shana Medore voice, but, you know, I have only like three voices in my repertoire. - Well, if Kate had found one of those rich married men to marry, she might've been, you know, she might've had a Bluetooth chandelier that she could roll from her iPhone bit. - Exactly. - Meanwhile, Emile is announcing to, I think it was to Amy or someone that he's gonna go to California because that's where Rocky's family is. It's like, "Oh, Emile, no, no, you, no." - Rocky, yeah, Rocky. I'm gonna get a California to meet Rocky's family. (laughing) - Well, they show Rocky ironing and she's like, ♪ I hate him, I hate him so much ♪ ♪ He's gross ♪ ♪ Thanks for killing my vagina boner ♪ - I mean, the reason why she became a better laundry person this episode is clearly, she'd rather be down there hiding away from Emile doing laundry than hearing his advances. - And my snap judgments, of course, change again and guess why? - Musicales. - Look, if I'm calling you like a some failed dinner theater ensemble person, by the way, which is me, if I'm calling you that, it's usually because I present people that are not singing during the day and being the stars that they are. And she's actually now, she's like, "Okay, my life sucks, so I'm just gonna make it all fun. It's a musical." (laughing) Every time they show her, she's like, ♪ I'm a new machine ♪ ♪ In a small town in Oklahoma ♪ ♪ No one loves me when I get married ♪ - And now I'm like, "Okay, I like you now." Good job, I'll have the salmon. - Yeah. (laughing) I also liked Amy, she was doing really exciting things. For instance, we saw Amy slicing pizza. - Say it again, say it again. - Amy was slicing pizza. And then we saw her playing "Wee Tennis" alone. And losing. - After the part, the "Wee Tennis" was my favorite because it followed the scene where Rocky comes in and she's like, "Amy goes, 'Has your day? Has your day with a meal? He's so green." - Being key well and handsome, how to go? And Rocky's like, "Oh, what a loser. I mean, what a failure. (gasps) Maybe I'll do Eddie next." - Yeah. (laughing) - Eddie was the first one to walk in the room. He's like, " Mallory, has anybody seen Mallory? Okay, I'll go back upstairs." And then she's like, "Oh yeah, well, maybe I'll do that guy now." And Amy just drops her head 'cause she likes him. - And then Amy's always losing. - She's like, "I guess I'll have another slice of pizza." - And then it cuts to Amy playing the weed, looking like she's flicking around her wrist angrily. - I know. - Love it. - And losing, of course. - She's like, "Is that on some tennis?" - She's like, "I've been playing "Wee Tennis" for five years and I still can't win a game." - Oh wow, what a shocker. - Even if "Wee Tennis" have second place. - "Hey, why are you Nintendo Me" characters talking about me behind my back? Sorry I'm not a good tennis player, but you don't have to talk about it. I just wanna be part of y'all and why I'm part of the tennis league. - How come every time I'm trying to design my week character, there's not a hairstyle that works? - Yeah, what? - What the heck? (laughing) - Eddie, you wanna play tennis with me now? Okay, okay. - He's like, "I'm gonna actually go talk on the phone "to my fake girlfriend in Canada while she's fake place week." So. - Oh God, oh, Eddie and his girlfriend, they have such a terrible relationship. I mean, that's just gotta end right now. I also liked Kate being angry Leon again. This is another episode where she was so annoyed at him. 'Cause I guess, well, once again, the charter guests were like, "We'd like some lobster." And he's like, "Oh, I'll make some beef cheeks." She's like, "This is the second charter in a row "that he wants to serve beef cheeks." - Yeah. - This is the second charter he's serving beef cheeks. How about doing something new, like filet or a steak? (laughing) - I love Kate's idea of something new and groundbreaking. - A filet or a steak or a cheeseburger, anything, not beef cheeks. - I love that you keep doing Shannon B to her as Kate. - I know. - If you've got nine lemons, use one for a drink and put eight in a freezer in case some chef from a Walmart boat wants to come on and start bossing you around. - Leon, Leon. Well, actually, Shannon B to her is like this and Kate is like this, sort of. I don't know, I can't tell anymore. - I think if Kate is more of-- - Kate speaks a little bit without the ugh. - Well, she speaks a little bit like this. I think Kate speaks a little bit like this and Shannon speaks a little bit like this. So there is a difference between Kate and Shannon, David. - Yeah, they're similar. I mean, all of my Shannon and all of those, they're all in the Chief Wigam family. - There's basically a spectrum of Shannon Bador and all my impersonations fall there, except for Rainier. - Yeah, I basically have five character voices that I just tailor to the drill show. - I have color by terrible numbers. - Yeah, I have the Shannon Bador spectrum. I have the Kristen Vanderpump Rules spectrum. - Ooh. - Sounds good. - And then-- - Justice. - Maybe one other. - Justice, Megan, Shawn. - And Chef Penny. - Which is really absolutely fabulous. - Chef Penny is pretty much every British person. I mean, Caroline, Chef Penny, they're the same voice. It's a Vanderpump. - Oh, so good. And this one is getting more fun to mock because they are really just becoming so much more character-y and it's fun to watch because this show, as I was complaining about Big Brother earlier, I think this show is real alert even if it's all written. Like even if the entire thing was basically outlined in written, which it probably is, it's realer to me because they really are in close quarters and they really are going fucking crazy. - And then I have to do real work too. - Yeah. - That's why, I mean, well that's, but there are clearly people on the show that are there to work 'cause they know how to work, et cetera. And then there's some that are purely cast. Like Rocky, when she's like, I hate the laundry closet. Like bitch, you're a maid. You're a maid. That's what you signed up to do, okay? And this was a really amazing episode because it showed transition, which usually doesn't happen. And it shows real life transition. I don't know if you've ever seen the horse whisperer, but that horse was a bitch, okay? And then Robert Redford came in and he was like, shh, shh, like he was like whispering. And he was like, and the horse is like, hey, I'm like kicking people and stuff and like that Kristen lady was all upset. And then Robert just kept whispering like Kate does, like, but in her non-whisperer. And he kept whispering, and finally the horse is broken. You can fucking write it. And that horse was ironing sheets by the end. It's like, I love ironing sheets. This is the best goddamn job I've ever had. I know, in case like, oh, I didn't even realize this was a fitted sheet. Good job. Yeah, and Kate, you see Kate will give credit when it's due. She's like, you are amazing. These sheets are amazing. You're never leaving the laundry room. Congratulations, you're the best ironer ever. Okay, I'm locking the door behind me. Have I? (laughing) (singing in foreign language) ♪ I smell the beef cheeks ♪ ♪ I bet like I'm mad ♪ ♪ And now I feel like I'm made star ♪ (laughing) So then the guests arrive and you can tell immediately that they'll just be awful. You just know that you look like the sort of people that would be on bar rescue or something like that. (laughing) As the people like the bar needs to be rescued from. Yeah. They're like, we want Don Julio 1942. Kate's like, well, we don't have any, Brian Don Julio 1942 was like, well, we need the Don Julio 42. It was on a preference list. It was, they were all basically Juicy Show. Yeah. They were like, what? So what, who cares? What's the 1942? Where is it? So what, who cares? Yeah, this is where, this boar basically spent the entire episode opening beers with a cheat, this tea. It was all, and every time, Amy would be like, oh God. (laughing) Oh God, oh God, oh gosh. You wanna play some Wii? Oh no, never mind. Never mind, even I won't play with you. I was just thinking, you know that this guy has amazing dental because he's rich and he's cracking his fucking beers open with his, he must have like porcelain teeth, right? I don't think your real teeth can do that. There's, I think if you do it like an ape, and I'm sure if you like get the right angle, you can, but I still thought it was too broken teeth, it's a corkship. Really stupid. Pussy teeth, oh no. Pussy teeth, Ben. I would never, ever do that with my, with my delicate teeth. My teeth need to grow a pair of jobs. Yes, yes, I need some jobs on the teeth. (laughing) Hey mom, would you like me to open up your beer with my teeth? Bad news, mom. Bad news. There's a job stuck in the crack in your tooth, mom. Bad news, man. I spoke to Nathan. You can't open your beer ball anymore with his teeth. Oh, so anyway, everybody, anyway. So there was a lot of, I am because my notes are weird and I'm writing things down like, no wonder I've never respected this boat. And now that I think about it, when I first saw the boat, I was like, there's something so seedy about this boat. I think 'cause it's like, so 80s like-- It looks very cheesy. It looks like an old setup from the Golden Girls. Like it's just not cute. Yeah, I agree. The real reason being is because the adult, well, not the, I'm sure there's like another one, but the adult bookstore I knew is a teenager in El Paso, Texas, which was where I first saw disgusting perverts all over the place, where I really understood what a disgusting pervert is. Not that anybody who goes to a bookstore is one. All right, you know what I mean, everybody. So-- Some of you are non-disgusting perverts. Like me, I still go, you know? You gotta get your loop somewhere darling. The target loop will have you feeling like a letter being lit. You know, it's like horrible glue. I hear those adult bookstores are the number one retailers of jobs. Mmm! Where else are you gonna fuck a job? So the-- Where else are you gonna swallow? Hello, Jared. It needs to help me. It needs to help me. Hello, Jubbs. So anyway, the adult bookstore there is named Eros. Which is the name of this boat, and it's all over everything. It's the logo on everything. And now I'm like, oh, that's why, 'cause you're a dirty bookstore on Airport Boulevard. Damn it. Damn it. I like the boat from last season more. Yeah, this one feels a little cheesy. You know, 'cause they always do a tour. Every single episode, it's like, we've never seen the boat before. They're like, oh, here's the master suite. And here's the-- here's the Sky Lounge. And here's this. Everything looks very 80s, I agree. And the master suite, the quote unquote, like two floor master suite, it's just, there's a staircase to get up to the bed. That's it. It's not like there's like a loft or something like that. Yeah. So I noticed it on boats. The bathrooms have to be a little bit smaller. But we do still have three tiles on the floor and each one of them has a picture of Patsy Jack's face. So enjoy peeing. Yeah, baby peeing. Yeah, yeah, baby. And here in our Sky Lounge, you'll see our wall of glass bricks. It's very modern, very modern touch. Glass bricks. With some purple highlights. Yes. Over here, you will see half of a Volkswagen beetle that has been chopped in half and glued to the wall. So it looks like it's crashing out of it. We call this room the Gadsuk's room. Please feel free to enjoy the t-shirts. And we really hope that you enjoy our asymmetrical furniture in the shapes of triangles and squares and circles. And of course, our checkerboard floor is a big attraction to many people. Listen, we want you to know that we don't want the title of the room to think you can take it. It's rooms to go, but in the end, it stays here. So just wanted to get that ground rule out there. [LAUGHS] So the guests were like, where's the 1942? And I was actually very surprised, because Kate, who's up everybody's ass all the time about being the perfect stew, forgot she didn't buy it. She didn't forget it. She just said that a lot of times people put things on their preference list, and they usually don't ask for them. So if it's not something necessary, she's just like, fuck it, I don't buy it. Yeah, that was a little surprising, because she's normally a stickler for that. She always is coming down on Leon for that kind of stuff. But then Big Drummer, there was another issue with the fender. Every episode, there's an issue with the fender. And this time, Emil got the fender in the way of Captain Lee. He's like, get that fender out of the way. I can't see. Can't see me. I get that fender down. And there's a commercial break. It's like, done, done, done, done. Will they be able to get the fender down? Will the yacht crash into the dock? It's like horror music. What's going on out there? We're about to hit the dock. All right, what's going on? Get that thing out of my face. Get it out of my face. Get it out of my face. Everybody episode is-- Where's the rope? Who's untying the rope? Who's got the rope? God damn it. I said, oh, we're going to die. We're all going to die. Every episode, they play like the Terminator music. And they're like, there's a buoy. We got to clear the buoy. All right, we have an entire bay. We just have to make sure we don't hit that one buoy. It's like, done, done, done, done, done. The buoy's coming. All right, there's a buoy. Get there. I really should have been there because the buoy's coming. God, get the fin of the other way. There's a buoy coming. I need to see the buoy. Get the buoy. And then they're like, all right, good job, everyone. We're getting hit the buoy. And there's like 300 feet between them and the buoy. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. That's the captain starring and the Terminator to me. Yeah, yeah. Asama Vista, baby. Asama Vista. Hey, John Connor, I'm going to give you a one-way ticket off this boat into death because I'm a Terminator. It's a Terminator who really likes to really elaborate on his plans. Kate's Linda Hamilton. So good. OK, so we knew this episode was going to be an odd one because it opens talking about weather. And that's never a good start to a conversation. So I was really scared of the episode, but we're like halfway through now. And I've really enjoyed it so far. Well, actually, so now there is big news because a new deckhand arrived. His name is Dane. And he shows up on the boat. And the women are all up on the upper deck, laying down. It was like a recreation of the Diet Coke commercial with Lucky Vanis, or whatever his name was. What? What was it? Tell me about the commercial I need to live in. Oh, it's super famous commercial from the '90s where there was-- it was like 12.30 PM. Oh, it's time for that construction worker to take his Diet Coke break. And this beautiful supermodel with his shirt off drinks his Diet Coke and all the women watch. And they're like, oh, it's, of course, one of the best commercials of all time. Yeah, I remember now. I didn't remember what it was about Diet Coke. And that's what you get for selling six with your commercials. That's like, once I climb X, I never think about it again until it's next time to climb X. Sorry, Diet Coke. I don't go buy sodas when I've got a boner. But then, well, Kate got a boner. She's like, he's cute. He's very pale. But once we get him a tan, he'll be really cute. We're going to get him a tan. I was like, OK, OK, you just need to calm down. Calm down, Kate. It was so thrilled with the new boy. And he is cute. But those girls were falling all over themselves. So funny. Yeah. What do you think he's like? What do you think he does? You think he plays way tennis? Ooh. I got a controller right here in my Buffon. You want to play? Well, I finally played way tennis with him. And when he had to say 14, love, he refused to say love. I mean, what is it about me? He just kept saying zero. I was like, love all. And he's like, sorry, deuces. And I was like, what do you mean? So then we see the guests are like meanwhile, the guests are out on the island. They're on land. And the class he gets that they are, they're getting funions and opening more piles with their teeth. And meanwhile, on the boat, Leon is decided to make dinner early because he says this whole thing like, well, you know, I'd like to be ahead of it or whatever. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. So Leon makes dinner early. That's good and bad. Yeah. And kids like, well, the guests are not curious. So why are you making dinner? And he's like, well, we need more communication. If you're going to mind, I'm cooking, blah, blah, blah, blah. All bad zero communication. You can't just not tell me to cook something. Expect me to stop cooking and not cooking. Yeah, what are you talking about? Communicate. She's like, I never communicated that it's time to start dinner, which is the point. She's like, well, I guess it's all about this in the oven and drawing out. All right, well, it's your fault. She's like, I don't see how it's my fault that you started to cook dinner early. So then, of course, this is perfect reason for Kate to drag out her favorite talking point against Leon. She's like, well, a yacht charter chef would never do that. He's used to cruise ships where you have a schedule. He's a crazy. Yup. Oh, you've got to love maid pride, darling. Yeah, I love it. You know I'm standing there screaming, maid fight, maid fight. And Amy's listening to get in here, bring the dust buster. Valentina, reheat. Pauline, freeze it. All right, I want you both to set the micro time at the same time. And then I want to see which goes off first. Restart, start. Pauline, take Valentina's food and put it in the freezer. Valentina, you wait until it's frozen. Then Pauline, you defrost it. And if it doesn't stand the test of defrosting, then you're both fired. Well, Pauline, it's like the Walmart of microwavers. Bad news, man. Food got some frostbite. Oh, good. Think you mean some freezer bed? Yes, ma'am. I meant freezer bed. Get off my ship. Drown. Drown. Slowly. Slowly. Deeper. Slow. Rania, slower. You're taking breaths. Don't fight. Silent. Silent. Air is water. Let life go. Drown. Drown. Valentina. Save Rania now. Resist the gag reflex. Drown. Pauline. Resist the tape, Rania, and Valentina. All right, now you all just sit here and think about what you've done. Get off my yarn now and get in a little boat. You could take a fender if you want, but better be inflated when I get back. Guys, I got someone hanging up the side of the boat. I got a chubby lady in glasses holding onto a four-fold chicken salad hanging off the side of the boat. Get it out of my way. Guys, I think that Igor is on one of our live boats. Can you please get Igor off the live boat? A boat with a Valentina attached to the side crashed into a dock, where a man was trying to take the cap off a bottle with his teeth and the shaking forced him to gouge at his own eyes. Story at five. Valentina, here's what I want you to do. I want you and Pauline to go down to steerage. Gag out your eyes and curl it into a bog, all right? Good. Wasn't it 1942? You don't have 1942? Wasn't it? That's what we wanted. You ruined our trip with the 1942. We would be happy if we had 1942. Oh, it's all over now. Wasn't it 1994? Hey, y'all doing today? We don't have 1942. Well, sometimes people make these things. They're called mistakes. They don't mean to make them, but you just accept them. And you say, it's OK, and you paid them on the head until they're pretty, even if you didn't want to date them. 1942. What do you do? I love it. Meanwhile, by the way, it's funny they're saying that about Amy, because after the whole Leon thing with starting dinner too early, Amy and Kate were talking about Amy's like, hey, he's a little too fire happy. And Kate just goes, mmm, trigger happy. You are so cute. The Ham Tusters made it. Really made it. You're really adorable, Amy. Could you redo the batteries in the Wii remotes? I don't know how they charge down so quickly, but could you do that? Oh, I was playing by myself. Oh, of course you were. Well, that's why only one handle is dirty. Please just swipe that one down. Then just make Rocky do the rest from it. So then, ask Rocky to iron the Wii. I'm gonna iron a Wii. Hey, where's the Wii remote? I threw it in the ocean. So then we saw Eddie texting with his girlfriend, being like, hey, where are you? And then Rocky was flirting with Dane. And this is when Emile's like, oh, I don't get jealous. I'll just back off, and the girls come back to me. Yeah, because most of the girls you give attention to are needy and, I don't know, it's not like you're picking the supermodel's darling. Sometimes you pick the hungriest person, because you know they're gonna eat the biggest plate of your food. Darling, just because Rocky goes on a boat with the people to the mainland, and they come back, does not mean that he's coming back for you, okay? Just trying to get back on the yacht. He's like, last time I saw her, she was going in the fetal position, which means she wants me. And then pregnant her with the baby, I'm so handsome. We're all back, just like a baby. Babies, babies try and leave me. And then they had to crawl them back. 'Cause babies don't know how to walk a meal. You know what the baby? You know, you've never seen a boomerang that didn't love me every time I throw one. It always comes back to me. They just love me, those boomerangs. Yeah, it's like a letter you forget to put a stamp on. You know, you send it, it just keeps coming back to me. You ever see a yo-yo? Oh, don't worry about it. Unless he's back to my hand. So then Leon and Kate are still bickering a little bit, and Leon's like, yeah, that could be more communication. And Kate's like, yeah, we'll work on our communication to each other. That's a great idea, Leon, great. Made fight continues. Made fight. So then... I've bought a spatula, and you've got a Swiffer sweeper. All right, spatula wins, get out of my face. Mongrel spatula, spatula wins, wrong paper spatula. Like that spatula still has the QE2 logo on it, tacky. (laughing) That's not a yacht spatula. Newsflash, the queen couldn't afford it (laughing) to take this yacht out, okay. I think anyone who's worked on a yacht knows that you don't use a spatula, you use a fish turner. So then Dane, so then it's at night, and the guests want Dane to get in the hot tub. And Dane's like, yeah, I'm a water baby. I'm like, oh no, not another one of these water babies. And then there are two of them. No one wanted to talk about each other. Yeah, like lucky, 'cause I grew up. You're like wealthy, and like everything was cool. And then like, instead of going to college, I was like, you know what, yawding is like, it's a channel. And it's a channel into like everything. And like, so that's why I like did it, you know. Like, otherwise I'm chill, like surfing. I cracked up, I was like, you don't say darling, you like surfing, I'm shocked. Yeah, I'm shocked. But yeah, pretty much just like chilling surfing. I was like, yep. Didn't see that one coming. So then Dane gets into his bathing suit, and it's like, oh, Emile's totally gonna rat him out. And sure enough, Emile rats out Dane. And then, so Dane doesn't get in the hot tub. Emile's like, that's probably a smart idea. You wanna play some weed tinginess with me? No, no, okay, okay. You're not gonna be able to beat me on the wave. You're fired. I think it's that way. You wanna do we hot tub? It's a game I've been working on. We got the, oh, well, we'll have to wait for him to get out of there. She's like, ♪ Anybody know I'm in ya ♪ More tensions rise between Kate and Leon, because then Kate continues to talk about Leon. Leon's like in the next remover and gets like, he has been on a cruise ship. He has not been on a yacht. He's been on cruise ships. And he doesn't know anything. He doesn't know anything about it. If he were on a yacht, he would understand our culture. And Emile's like, well, you know, he's a real nice guy. And I like him. I think he does a great job. Bumco, stick up for him. He's a good guy. Yeah, Leon's listening in on everything. Amy must love that. She's like, oh, my favorite thing to do is listen to him when people are talking about me and then didn't matter to them. You know, talking about me right now? No, no, all right. And Kate doesn't even bat my lashes. She's like, well, I'm glad you're friends. Hopefully you can get you a coupon for whatever buffet style dinner they have on a Walmart ship. Okay, enjoy that. Have fun. Yeah. You guys can go to Costco together and get those $1.50 hotdogs. I have a great little friend date. Oh, just a word of advice. If you're going to go there, they don't have bags. So you might want to take your own. Yeah, that's something that Leon probably doesn't know on the cruise ship. We always carry a bag on yachts. So what else even happened in this? That was their fight. Kate called around until she got the 1492. She's like, whatever. I am dedicated and I will find it. And she did. She did and they were all very impressed. It was very dramatic. It arrived. Oh, my 1942. You guys is the best. I love you guys. 1942. Well, guys, they got 1942. Oh, my 1942. Well, 1994, you guys, 1942. And then he proceeded to uncork it with his teeth. [LAUGHTER] He has no teeth by the end of this episode. And then they left and this guy gave them a huge chip of $25,000, which was pretty cool. And then we segued into Eddie having drama with his lady. He hasn't heard from his lady. It's like, you guys are so dysfunctional. She really outcheating with the on you. Cheating with-- I don't know what-- I think he's going to be cheating. That's my prediction. He should. He was in the hot tub with the captain. And everybody got the night off. So he spent some time with the captain in the hot tub. And they're talking and he's talking about his relationship. And the captain goes, yeah, nah. Look, a relationship, you're supposed to be in a relationship because they're supposed to be happy. My wife, she doesn't say a thing about anything. Because she knows that that's what it is. And she would never put a fender in my way. She knows to keep them off the side so I can see the buoy. If there is a fender there, what she does, she moves it. That's it. There's no unhappiness. She does it, and I'm happy. That's the end. It's a relationship. And Alex is like, yeah, he's my mentor. I'm going to cheat on my girlfriend. I do so when I'm so happy. Yeah, he's basically like, yeah, she cheated on me. Everything's like, we have a pretty fucked up relationship. But, you know, she means a lot to me. I'm like, yeah, it sounds like it. Who else are you going to yell at? Oh, a relationship trouble? I know. So then, speaking of relationship trouble, the whole gang except for Captain Lee goes out to main land, they go to a bat, and they're having fun and dancing, and a meal-- like, Rocky is hanging with Dane, and a meal keeps on trying to get with Rocky. And because a meal is so smooth, this is the line he uses on her. Oh, I want to fuck you so bad. Great, great a meal, great work there. I want to fuck you up tonight, real bad, and every whole, every poor, OK? I want to stick my penis in your vagina. How about that? And we'll do it in California in front of your parents. I'm making a finger gun. I'm going to finger burn. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's right. She's like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, exit stage left. She's like, oh, I'm you. You're a good guy. But I don't like you because you didn't have sex with me when I was ready. She's like, brigadoon, brigadoon. I'm going to disappear for 12 years, I'm ill. [LAUGHTER] She's like, just because it's not a two, doesn't mean you can wear the same costume. You're going to be a good guy, sorry. I need a man with a change of shirts for different bites out on the town. For it's good, old, reliable, amial, amial, amial, amial. Please go away. Bye. Oh, a meal pool guy. I know. What I was confused about. It's on top of the world, and now he can't even bother me. He's on top of the world, but not on top of Rocky. Now, my question is this, then the episode ended. But last week, the previews showed a meal and Dan fighting over a bracelet that a meal sister gave him. And it was not in the episode. So where is the bracelet controversy? That's what I would like to know. And I think no one else wants to know. So anyway-- I didn't even notice that the bracelet controversy. Who's bracelet? Well, Dan made a joke, and the preview of the meal was like, no, my sister gave me that bracelet. You know what? You really have to be quiet. And he's like, oh, sorry. Oh, because I think he was like-- that bracelet's dumb. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, it probably was. This is something totally simple. And he's like, well, sister gave me that bracelet. And also, you're having sex with the girl. I wanted to have sex with the girl. Maybe the next group, my sister's bracelet. I went back, and I watched the preview. And it definitely was there. So maybe it'll be next episode, or I don't know. So anyway, that's it for this episode. We have covered-- oh, man, so much. We've been talking for three hours straight, including the bonus episode, which you should listen to. And guess what? We're reconvening in three hours from now to do our live hangout. So everyone-- No, I did. I'm so excited. I just can't hide it. Thank you, everyone, for listening. If you-- by the time you get to the end of this point in the podcast, the hangout's probably over. But yes. So thanks, everyone. Follow us Facebook.com/watchforcrap, and subscribe to us on iTunes. I'd be lovely if you could do that. Subscribe to us, or I'll sit true. Thank you to everybody who has been living reviews and stuff. Love you guys. We do. We love you all. And that is all. That's all show. So bye, everyone. Bye. Boing. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called WaitForIt. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. 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