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But get this, the real number is closer to $300. That is literally thousands of dollars a year, half of which you've probably forgotten about. Thankfully, Rocket Money can find a bunch of subscriptions you've forgotten all about, and then help you cancel the ones you don't want anymore. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com/wondery. That's rocketmoney.com/wondery, rocketmoney.com/wondery. Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. The best part, next issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com/crapins. Again, you can try next issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com/crapins. Get over there and read some people, y'all! [Music] Today's episode of Watch What Crapins Was Brought To You By Premium subscribers, Claudia Catalina and Kristi Doherty. We love you girls. Now on to the show! Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crapins podcast. The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk Television and with me is Ben Mandelge from the Beatside blog and the Banton Belinda podcast. Everyone, hi everybody! We're love on Periscope! What? So yeah, the big news with this podcast, this episode, is that I think the second time ever, we are, while we are recording this episode, we also have our Periscope camera app, etc. Going, so people are watching us live. So if we sound distracted at a certain point, it's because we are. It's because we're reading and looking at the hall at some Periscope! I know we have 89 people around the world watching us. Hall or ballers. 89 people out of the however many billion are out here in the world. Yeah, you can find out about such things on our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchapcrapins. Come there and talk crap with other listeners all throughout the week. Come to our live show threads and talk about the shows, etc. You can support this podcast on patreon.com/watchapcrapins. That's where you get lots of extras like us, bonus episodes, ring tones. You get to know that you're taking care of two needy people. Yes, please take care of us. Think of us as your adorable street urchin up against the window pane. Yeah, please, Zach, can we have some off? We want our sugar mama. Well, we have two sugar mamas already. Hey, yeah, Christy Doherty! And I think we may have some others down the line. We have a new one. Maybe next week. Well, those who already heard who they are at the beginning of the show. So don't need to repeat. Don't need to repeat, but they are sugar mamas. So if you want to be a sugar mama like those two fine ladies, you all know what to do. So what are we doing? What else do I have to say? Well, did you talk about patreon? Facebook.com/watchapcrapins. We started a fine account. Yeah, Ben started a sivine account. That's real fun. We just do a lot of housewives things, but we're limited to six seconds. So consider yourselves lucky. Fine. Yeah. So that's been really fun so far. So everyone check us out. You just go to Vine and look at Watch What Crapins. Just like every single other thing that we promote on this page. And that's it. Sponsored me, the amen. That's what they're saying on the periscope. And you're doing it. All right. Still can't let go of my Melbourne. Sorry. You didn't significant ass, hey? All right. So let's talk about the shows. We have done. Wait, what else do I have to say? This is Twitter. Twitter shows. We talked about it. Facebook. We're touching these. Also, that's totally okay, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable because like I get shaky because it's hard sitting down. Oh, you know what? Wow. Well, my knee is touching you. Our knees are touching because we have to be in frame for periscope. Yeah. And the thing is, what's funny is that. So for people who are not watching this in periscope, I'm looking at Ronnie as if I'm having a conversation. And Ronnie's looking at periscope. Oh, I'm looking at you. Look. I know, this is funny because my eye line is to your cheek and your eye line is. I don't like it. You know, in real life, it's harder for me to have a discussion because you have to look at people and it makes me uncomfortable. I like talking on the phone or like this where I can see you on a screen. Like we're together and I'm not uncomfortable. But if we had to look each other in the eyes and be like, oh, I'm listening to you. My I don't want to I want to like look around the room. Look, see, I'm looking at you. I'm looking at you. Looking at you. Looking at you. Looking at you. I know, I know. I know. You're doing an indirect stare and I'm doing a direct stare. I know. It's awkward. I'm just going to look at your profile. I know this is really exciting for the one listening at home. I know. Talking about our fair scope angles. But you know what, this is exciting? What, be him? Say what? I'll tell you. I'll tell you what's exciting. It's being able to read magazines anywhere on your phone or tablet. Isn't that exciting? Yes, especially when there's a screen safe. Yeah, so because the thing is this. Here's the thing about Ramen. And with me, too. And without everyone who's listening, true. I would say actually every single person in the world, that your time is precious. And you want to feed your mind with the best of what's out there. But who has the time to sip through all the nonsense on the internet? Am I right, prisoners? Who has the time? Oh my gosh. Well, they're busy too. They have a whole work schedule. You get an hour outside of me. What are you going to do? Listen, listen. Listen, prisoners. What a great time, you know? Listen. Listen, prisoners. In between being butt raped and prison. And whip out your iPad, and learn advice. Learn things. I'm not picking. You know what, prisoners? Instead of stalking people, why don't you get nextissue.com and read something and read something about the world? Because for those of us who want premium content and don't have time to waste finding it, there's next issue. Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere using your phone or your tablet. Iconic magazines like People, Vogue, Esquire, Time, and more. Cebu, Bon appetit, I believe. Bon appetit. Bon appetit. Men's health. Men's health. Men's fitness. Men's fitness. Eat with you. Fat man. PW. Fat man and the wing thing. I'm not sure if dog fancy is on there, but I'm sure. Is there a dog fancy? Yeah, there's a magazine called Dog Fancy. Oh, dogs have equal rights now. It's right. They're the New Yorkers on there, if you want to feel educated. Every now and then, when I'm on the-- When I'm on the tour-- From dog fancy to the New Yorker. When I'm on the tour list, sometimes I fire up the New Yorker, because I'm like, oh, this will be good. I'm going to learn a nugget of information that I can mention at this cocktail party. Of course, I don't ever go to cocktail parties anymore, and I never remember the nuggets of information. But, you know, it's difficult to look at your iPad, Ben. Or your iPhone, or your Android device. So here's the thing. Next issue lets you dive deeper into the story with interactive content for a richer reading experience. And if you sign up for next issue right now, you'll get immediate access to all the top magazines including back issues and exclusive videos and photos. You guys, do you wonder what Deborah Gibson felt after she was fired from Celebrity Apprentice? No, but go on. If you do, look for a back issue with something. Surely someone interviewed her. Someone did. Maybe there's like some thrifty nickels from a few years ago you guys can ask her about it. By the way, Ronnie, did I tell you about the best part? No, I'm going to tell you about the best part of it. Fine, tell me that. Next issue is offering a free trial right now. When you go to nextissue.com/crapins. Again, you can try next issue for free right now. When you go to Watch What Crap It. No, next issue. Nextissue.com/crapins. So, that was thrilling. Should we talk about the problem? Thank you, next issue. Should we? Let's talk about some bribes. Let's talk about some real bravo. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Open my notes on your email. Okay, plus something. Oh, you have your own. You have your own. Well, that's only my marriage. Alright. It's only my marriage. Oh, yeah. Pull it some real housewives of-- Oh. Vamp, Ronnie, Vamp, Vamp. The real housewives of the OC. A little story about women. Not sure what age any of them are. With faces I don't understand. Welcome. Well, we can talk about the fact that last night's episode, this week's episode started with back at the Aries party. Aries. Aries. Um, yeah, and it opened with Shannon. Whoa, Megan King Outwards. What deans? Edmunds. Well, one deep. Whoa, one deep. She went deep. She went deep. She went deep. She went deep. I would never do that. Just like David's penis did into my former best friend. He went very deep. David, how deep did you go? How deep is your love? And also last week. Consider the source. Consider the source. Let me tell you something. Don't unleash Tamara Barney onto Wikipedia because there are a lot of footnotes. There are a lot of sources to consider. What? What? This is not all factual. You have to consider all of these sources. Bench. I might have said that, but there were lots of asterisks as it's next to it. Consider the source. Vitamin C offer from Housewives. I don't even know what that note means. You see how the vitamin C offer. Vitamin C. Oh, oh, the singer. No, I was thinking, no, when the show opened and they're all holding oranges, I was like, Brooks is curious right under everybody's nose. They're all holding oranges. All that fucking needs to do is make some juice and boom. The cancer will be gone. Hello. Kimo Shimimo. It's called Orange Julius. Cancer. Look at that. Cancer. Hates. Orange is Marge County. But it loves bread. Good lover. Party. Oh, here, do you want to look at these too? No, I'm actually going to let you. I don't understand your notes and if I try to read them. Oh, I'll get confused. So I would rather use steer. It'll be. And I'll just react. It'll be confusing. But I just like a puzzle. I love a puzzle. It's right here for you. Oh, we'll take a week out. This is recording right? Did it stop? It's blinking. All right, let me put this back. Because look, I'm recording it, but then I'm moving the phone. So nobody's hearing shit. You know that. I am aware. I am aware. Okay. Here's the point. Welcome to washer crap. In the most professional podcast on the internet. Okay, so we open back at the party where Vicki, where Tamara is screaming. Consider the source! And Vicki's just over it and following her around in her back. By the way, and by the way, Tamara, she really pisses me off. Because first of all, she's annoyed that anyone would think of her as a dubious source, basically. Like her credibility, she's like, "He's making me sound like I'm just going around and talking to shit." Like, yeah, Tamara, that's what you do. That's what you always do. That's what you're known for. That's what if you go to Wikipedia, your face has a big pile of shit under him. Because that's all you talk about. She's in the kitchen saying, "Can you believe that?" He says, "Cuz I'm a shit talker." Like me, like I'm a shit talker. And Eddie is like all full. His shirts out, it's like the buttons are coming off. Because all he did was binge. He did like a stress binge eat during that. Yeah, I hate rice a lot. A lot of rice. Yeah, he just looked like he wanted to burp. Yeah, I think he was eyeing that dragon. I think he was trying to get that entire dragon out. And then Vicki following around Tamara and her fur going, "You gonna know a Tamara? That's just as a normal behavior by anyone tonight." No one's acting normal tonight. I don't know what's wrong with you guys. She's like, "Normal now, consider the sword." It's like, "Oh my God, I'm fucking ladies." As if I'm a shit talker, Heather. Okay, so then Heather comes in. To be fair, Tamara would be a really good advocate for making sure the source magazine wins an award. Consider the source. Her ad campaign. Don't consider vibes magazine. Consider the source. Sign Tamara Barney. Advocate for the source. I think Tamara would be a really good lawyer. She's like, "Bitch, why haven't I won a source award yet?" That's it. I'd like to call my first wetness to the stand myself. Tamara, what did you say? I'd be like, "Batch, you look good." I know, right? I bet that's cheap. I know. My place is always empty too. There's always plenty around. No, Tamara. Why are our floors so warped? I guess I should have considered the source where I got the lumber. I'd like to call Brooks, liar base used to be too close to the stand. Brooks, did you or did you not have cancer? Lies, Batch! I am Batch. My only problem with Jurassic World was that there wasn't a consider the source of SARS. They should have turned that T-Rex into a source. And then the big giant dinosaur that's multiple dinosaurs could have killed the source. And then you guys would know what I feel like. My favorite part of Jurassic World was when the kids were sitting there with their glasses that said diva on them. And they saw their margaritas shaking when they considered the source of SARS. Walked close. The worst part of Jurassic Park World of Worlds was when they killed that nanny. Because Ryan can't take care of all those girls, Batch! It's harder! Here! Jurassic Park has ruined my relationship with my son. That's how they said it, Batch! Batch, I just gave that nanny a locket to say that all of our past is locked away, Batch, and then she went and got eaten by a Batch SARS. Batch. So that's not normal behavior by Eddie's all fat, I know. Someone on the first scopes says, "I love how they do those." Makes no sense, that's so funny. Wait till we start talking about the news. I blame the Tiago. My part of my rubble is the worst president we've ever had! That's it! By the way, I'm on the Tiago Coffee today, which is why. Tiago Coffee makes all the difference. I'm on Homebrew 365. It's a gold 365 breed. It's inexpensive every day of the year. I was like, "Wow, I bought some Ziploc Batch from this 365. They don't stay close and everything leaks out of them." I think I'll get their coffee. Totally reliable. That's why I've said her the SARS, Ronnie. That's better than SARS! Damn you, 365. Well, Brooks did have cancer, but it leaked out of a 365 Ziploc. What can I tell you? Blame the Ziplocs. Blame 365. Okay, so it's just, it's still broke. I wrote David Terrified Eyes. Because in the kitchen scene, there's just David like this. Air, air, air, air. What did you wrong, dear? She asked him. She's like, "David, why isn't the key out here cutting the cake? It's our cake, David." David, Ronnie just injured himself on his coffee. "David, I got a cake that shaped like the bedding on his down the street, David. It's wrapped in actual wrapping paper that you can... No one's here. No one's here. Where is she?" I just wanted to make an announcement to the party. If this cake doesn't taste good, I apologize, but I can no longer go into 35 of the bakeries in Orange County, because that's where David took his mistress. Thank you very much. Apparently, David's got David's mistress eats gluten. So, while that just kills, have to make reason, town. So, Heather finally sits down with her. Oh, yes. Heather, what of Heather Truth? Heather's like, Beckett. Listen, this is what everybody's saying. This is... This is... I'm telling you what people are saying about you. And it's what we're all saying. And that's it. Okay. I'm not coming for you. I'm just telling you what everybody is saying about you. Because you need to know the best army is armed. Because without arms, the army is just walking around getting shot by terrorists. Is that what you want, Vicki? And because I call no army. No, I'll give her that plate. Go ahead. Say what you're going to say. Heather's like... You know... Beckett says, "Mackett." Yeah. Heather's like, "You know, it's weird. I was trying to remember where I need this doctor from." And I remembered, he's someone I went to to get my cellulite off. Because like, "Uh-huh." And Heather's like, "That's it. I just saw a doctor get something like that." No, no. Heather was like, "No, that's the doctor that Brooks is going to. Which is actually hilarious. I mean, Brooks is going to Heather's cellulite doctor." Well, you know, cellulite affects lots of women across the country. And if you ask them what they thought of cellulite, they probably compare it to cancer. So it makes sense to me. Yeah. You know, they both sort of work C. You let her see. And, you know, you both want to get rid of them. You want to get rid of them both. So it's weird. It's pretty cancerous. It's called fitness. Called fitness. Oh, Brooks. So Brooks is proving that he doesn't have... Wait, Brooks is proving that he has cancer by going to a cellulite doctor. I don't know. How come no one else knows about the cellulite doctor in Orange County? Yeah, and how come no one knows about this reverse... I mean, I love how no one can say it. It was called reverse-a-shrawl-revert-a-shrawl-revert-a-shrawl-revert-a-shrawl-revert-a-shrawl. -Revert-a-shrawl-revert-a-shrawl. -Revert-a-shrawl. Everyone says it differently. You're like, "Oh, the Reverend-a-revert-a-revert." "The Reverend-a-revert-a-shrawl." "Revert-a-revert-a-shrawl." "Revert-a-revert-a-shrawl." That's not even looking cancer. He's a preacher. He's a preacher in the street. Telly Bensonler comes in. Shut up, L-sharp-ton. I'm not Craig-a. She roamed me by calling me Craig-a. That's reverse-wise life in New York, though. Skipping. Skipping. All right, so back, "Revest-a-roll." Okay, so "Revest-a-roll." -I know about it because I was trying to buy it a few years ago not because of the cancer. Because, I mean, I wouldn't know if I had cancer. I don't go to the doctor. But because of what was it for? I think either depression or fat loss or something. -So, "Revest-a-roll." It fixes everything. It's like Windex. It's like Windex of medicine. It's like the magic ingredient in wine that, like, it doesn't make you drunk because that's alcohol. I don't know. It's something in wine. But then they have it in large parts. And supposedly it makes you younger, which, I mean, this is "Revest-a-roll" right here. It didn't work. Maybe I don't have cancer, though. I don't think I have cancer. So, thanks for "Revest-a-roll." By the way, did you hear about the guy who hyped a price of AIDS? It spills? Yes, a lot. It's one guy who did that or a whole one guy. One guy. I mean, he bought the rights to this drug. And he raised it from $13.00 per pill to $750.00 per pill. -They said it was crazy. -They said it was crazy. Consider this a list. You know what AIDS calls? Nothing. It's free. I mean, that's the big thing here. All right. So, uh, as if I'm a shit-talker. Heather. So, it's been a support there. So, Heather, your boyfriend's a liar. And that's it. Well, it's like, oh, I don't even know. I mean, I don't even know. Who's talking? Why are they talking? Who's doing it? I don't know. Everyone's telling you like factors, Nick. I'm going to go there and get my study like red. I need a psychic. I just want to say, as a macro note, this episode was all about all the women trying different methods of getting Vicki to, like, for them to say, we think that Brooks is faking it. Because first, Megan, of course, has no tact. Megan's like, you're faking it. Yeah. You're faking it because knowledge. And then-- I bought Brooks a gift so that he'll feel better. It's a coffee cup that said, I'm the best faker of everything in the world. Yeah. By the way, I love to whoever posted on our Facebook page, a picture of, quote unquote, Megan's van, parked in the parking lot as a picture of the Scooby-Doo van. On our quest for knowledge. Justice. Justice in the American way. But then, so first, Megan tries in her ham-handed way. And then Heather does her thing-- I never eat ham, how dare you? If my hats were made out of ham, I would never butt my nails. Undedicated. Tear? Mm. So then Heather tries with her way of being like, listen, I'm not doubting you. But what I'm saying is that Brooks is going to a cellulite guy. So if you want to say something now, now will be a good time to say something. Yeah. If you're going to say something, say it to my ass. Yeah. Which no longer has cellulite until I get pregnant again, which will probably never happen. But next year, I'm getting a fake baby ship to me in a box anyways, so we can try it out. Biggie. Because it's a storyline. I just-- Hey, Biggie. To make you feel more comfortable about talking about this, I've decided to build a new room for you in my mall house. So we can go there if you wish. Listen, you don't have to live in my house. Brooks's cancer doesn't have to live in my house. But there is a room for cancer shoes. So if Brooks ever does come to my house, his cancer can take off his shoes and put it in the spare room. Okay. We actually built in a chemo wing. So Brooks wants to get back up at the chemo. He can come to our house. He can go, you know. And I think I'll feel comfortable because my husband's a plastic surgeon, which is-- There will be no cancer or cellulite in my house. It's a chemo-- it's a method chemo was. It's not real chemo. We can't say it's real chemo. So we call it a method chemo was. Butte, chemo butte method withdraws. And you know, Terry knows how to do cellulite also. So Brooks should feel very comfortable. Let me see. I'm sorry. Now I'm looking back at notes like, oh, it's over. That's one key. That's how am I flying? At that point, Vicki. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the thing. Your header was like every piece of information. And you know, she always says he's like little crab claws. What she talks like? Every piece of information is-- I don't know. She's saying this. She's saying this all together. They're hinky. Hinky. Hinky. It's like two-pack man's fighting. It's like two-pack man's fighting over Blinky. But his name is Hinky. And their hinky's dead. Hinky. It's hinky. When you write down the word hinky, yes, that could be said by Heather. But most likely, it's Shannon. That's hinky. That's all I'm saying, Dr. Moon. Dr. Moon? No. I feel hinky. At this point, Shannon was just concerned because the Aries party was-- it was our party. That's what we first found it over. We first met with both our Aries. And this is, you know, it's our party. When we first met, we bonded over, you know, being Aries and wearing skin-tight dresses with floppy boobs at the same time. I mean, we found that at the same party and being deeply, deeply miserable. No bra pride. And that's how we bond it. That's right. I'm turning into Chief Wingham now with Shannon. Wow, we've got a crime here. Everybody look around the block. That's it. I'll be sitting here with my donut. It's a hinky donut. That's-- Pretty much, pretty much, David. Pretty much, David. Pretty much, right? There's a-- It's all Chief Wingham in the end. It's all-- This will resolve the end of cereal. Bling, bling, bling. Well, I put her in the front because she looks cold. I mean, somewhere to lie there, and I just forgot her there. Sorry, my bad. Bling, bling, bling, David. Why did you go the best by? I thought I was the best. That's better than me or the best. Are you telling me you're the best bisexual on the block, David? Because that's not something to be proud of when you're a married man, David. David, I'd like you to write a letter to Best Buy and apologize for using their telephone booths without paying, David. David, you will not use any disappeared telephone booths. I'm going to list of all the telephone booths that you used with your mistress that are no longer around and in evidence. David, David, David, David. David, did you take Haman Lee? You're doing gastropub? David. Terry asking Brooks about drinking. Oh, yeah. There was a senior party where Terry's like, "So, you having a drink tonight?" Brooks is like, "Oh, what a guy to you to?" Oh, because I wasn't writing in it. That's why I deleted. No, no, no. But it wasn't an editable document, so I went back and told him. Anyway, Terry is like, "So, bro, is you drinking tonight?" Brooks is like, "Well, I mean, not tonight. You know, tonight, I'm not drinking. I'm not having a drink tonight. Cancer is not thirsty tonight. Well, but yeah, I've been drinking." Well, you know, not on chemo, because you can't drink on chemo. I mean, after chemo, you can have a little bit here and there. I mean, not here. I mean, these women are more aggressive than my cancer, my cancer treatments, you know. You know, I already had about three glasses of wine earlier or after the chemo. So, you know, I don't think I'm set for the evening. I'm not calling you to drink. I'm calling you medication from now on. It's Rivera. All right, that's what I had. I had cancer fixants. That's what I had. If I had a bar, I'd call it cancer fixants right now. I'm just only sick people could drink. That's right. That's right. And the onion rings would be made of Rivera. Hopefully they'll be good tippers. You know, Terry's like, "Oh, get some of those onion rings." No, you won't. Not at my party. Here's what I'm saying. It's hinky, okay? Onion rings are hinky. When you're moving your hands like this, it's really hard to grab an onion ring, Terry. That's what I'm saying. I just need to just listen to me, Terry. I'm just telling you that when you talk with little crap claws, you can make a more effective point. That's all. I started doing this when Collette learned to talk. It's like a shit clip for a child's mouth. Just quite, Collette. Quiet. One thing I always noticed was that Sebastian and Little Mermaid always seemed to get everyone's attention. I realized it's because he talks with his claws. So I'm telling you, as a friend, it's hinky that you don't use little claws to talk with. So they're telling him, well, we need records. Well, now this week, everybody's new thing. Oh, yeah, everyone's black now. Well, no, this is, okay, so this is their current theme. Everyone said this. Heather said it, Tamara said it, and Shannon said it. And it was actually really fucked up. They're like, you know, the best way to shut, you know, oh, God. Oh, God. Why it? 203. Someone's calling for five. I just cut us off. No, hit the decline, hit the decline. A phone call came through, and it bumped us off. Yeah, effing phone call, you know. Call people on your own time. So we were talking about- We were talking next part, Shannon cutting the cake. This party is perfect, you as well. This is what it was. Oh, yeah, yeah, we're at the bottom of my notes now. We want to try notes. Hello. I was making a point about what these women were doing. They kept on saying, they're like, listen, Vicky, just, you know, everyone's talking about it. And it's just not working anymore, not commenting on it. Like, you know, you could just shut everyone up. You could just showed everyone the documents, as if they were powerless against their own gossiping. They're acting like, well, if you don't show us the doc, if you don't show us, I think we're just going to keep talking about it and making your life hell. Like, we're sorry, but we're just going to. It's like, no, you can actually just stop talking about it. You can make a decision to stop gossiping about it, and just assume that Brooks is lying and just move on. Yeah, but it's Brooks. I know, Brooks is like- I know, I would keep talking about it for sure. I'm not, I'm not for grudging. I think it's funny that they act as if they're powerless, as if there's some force in the universe, where the whole world is saying like, oh, Brooks is- The New York Times called me. What am I going to tell the New York Times? Nothing? No. They're basically like, they're basically blackmailing Vicki at this point, which is hilarious. Yeah. And also, evidence is a huge part of Real House was of Orange County. Huge, okay? You don't forget Alexis's emails. Or any of the other proofs. There's so big on proof. You have a Diet Coke named David. Did you or did you not? I saw it in your trash can. I'm telling you the truth. Are you sleeping with my husband? It's like, oh, Jesus, it's not evidence it's a Coke can't calm down. Real House was of Orange County telling. Uh, so then after, so Vicki at this point, Vicki leaves. Yeah, but Vicki's argument is hilarious. She's like, this is disgusting. Really, they're accusing your man of having cancer, which is kind of grosser. And she's like, you know what everybody needs to do? Everybody just needs to be quiet, because it's disgusting, quite frankly. This is disgusting. You know what all Brooks has to do? It's nothing. That's what he has to do. You're not talking. It's like, so freaky. I'm not helping anybody. By the way, that's the best thing that Brooks can do in life, as in like, of his, of his skill set, doing nothing. It's the top thing he could do. I've been doing it for years as guinea, my children. I know how to do nothing. Oh, I know how to do nothing. Practice makes perfect. Roses are red. Bilets are blue. I'm not doing anything. How about you? Roses are red. Bilets are blue. I'm not doing nothing. So you figure out the rest of them wrong. Roses are red. Bilets are blue. You look pretty in fur. You paid the ring, right? Roses are red. Bilets are blue. I got cancer. So-- For me, it was one of mine. Thank you. Anyway. It's a terrible poet. Terrible poet. Came most coming in a box now. It's gold-framing. There once was a man for man talket, and he got cancer. So please respect him. So screw it. Okay. So monster. So give them records, and then what are they going to ask for after the records? Then they're going to ask you to watch the chemo session. Then after they watch the chemo session, then they're going to ask for tickets to the cancer cell reproductive-- I mean, what is it end? What is it end? Start with the evidence. Yeah. And if it keeps going up to the evidence, then be mad. But you can't be like not showing anybody every-- any evidence ever. Why you're bringing this on TV is a storyline, and then act all surprised when no one believes you're a stupid man husband. I agree in general. It's no one's business. But it is very strange that Brooks did not go and see Shannon's two world-class cancer doctors. It's strange that he was-- he's been drinking-- World-class doctors. Of course, we know how Shannon's world-class doctors are, Dr. Mainland, okay? Oh, she is a collector. He's a former mom. Dr. Mainland's like, "Look, this is booger I pull out from nurse who is from the Orient." But even-- I was delicious. I feel so positive. Pop their back. Listen, listen, the doctors are from City of Hope. So I believe that-- if they're not world-class, they're at least-- Like, well, someone sent us an email, did you see that email on the watch of a crack? No, I did not. Someone-- we can read it if you want. Well, no, it's wrong. But someone sent us an email who supposedly-- and I say, supposedly, no offense email person, but you know. Knowledge. Yeah. This ain't radar online, okay? Source. But somebody sent us an email and said, that they used to work for this doctor, who Shannon is supposedly sending-- suggesting the Brooks go to, and that it's not a cancer doctor, and that she's some fame whore who's just wanted to get on a real house wise for years. And this was just Shannon trying to get her friend on TV, and she's mad because-- I don't know. She's mad because she didn't get her friend on TV because Brooks wouldn't go to the-- I mean, that's how fucked up these shows are, okay? So according to this email-- and not me, because I don't know anything-- but according to this email, this doctor is not a cancer doctor, and she's trying to get on TV, and Shannon's mad that she didn't get her friend on TV. I know I just repeated myself, but that needs to be said two times, especially if it's false information, because how are you supposed to spread the false information if you don't say it twice? Well, that is definitely crazy. That's true. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. It was crazy. I was going to do research, and then I was like, "Mm, internet, hard. I wish I had a friend who knew justice." Well, either way, still things don't add up with Brooks, and the whole situation is strange. So what happens is that Vicky just leaves the party before she even cuts the cake. Oh, this is gross. This is disgusting. Your cake is celebrating disgusting. So then, naturally, there's only one thing left to do, which is for all the four women to gather in the living room, and have a discussion where-- and this is where Megan drops another part. True to four, Megan immediately. I don't know what she's saying. Vicky left. Do you know what? I told Vicky that-- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, she's like, she's like-- Vicky says that she never asked her help. You know what? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I just did. What Vicky just said? Hey, bam. Vicky, Megan is the biggest. She is the biggest. It's not even she's just sure. She's just like a telltale. Like, anything you tell her, anything you tell her, she goes and tells someone else. And remember, she got mad about Bali for Megan saying that she's a shister, or whatever. She said that she and Tamara should stir her. I'm like, "I'm just told the truth. No, it's no justice. I'm using a bullhorn, OK? There's certain things you need, like a wooden spoon. I'm just stirring it. I'm bullhorning it." Oh, you didn't want it. Justice had banned. She's like-- So she says, yeah, Vicky says she never asked for your help, and Megan's like, wow, that's not-- That's patently unsure. David, David, David, did you hear this? David, David, where are you? She didn't ask for my help, but she sure asked me for my help. Tell you that much. Maybe she didn't ask me to help her, but she sure asked me to help her. My mask, that's my story, and that's it. I start sharing. I start house. I start cancer prevention. Do you know there was never a section on websites that you could contact for help and tell me? I started help! You think it was easy to call time Warner before? No. Didn't get him on the phone? Let me tell you something. Before me, it was called RAC, as in rarely asked questions. And then I came along and became frequently asked questions. Thank you. You're welcome. Really, rarely asked questions. Like, where do I find RAC? How do I contact you? How do I get to this part of the website? Do you offer these services? I got sick of David going to websites and asking him where the RAC was. How do I change the name? I said, how do you start frequently asked questions? How do I start facts? Vicki, welcome to the frequently asked questions, formerly RAC. Now, cancer, yes or no? It used to be that someone would only ask David, David, like once a month. But now I ask him about three times a minute. David, David. So Shannon tells them, well, I was on the phone when he got his diagnosis and I spent the entire next day on the phone. Which for Shannon is a huge deal. Yeah, so I was in the car. I had to make Siri dial people for me. Do you know how I heard that? I had children in the car, David. Hey, David. David. So the funny part of this to me was that Shannon was like, wait, it's her way. Hold on, I just had a damage. Tamara, chemo doesn't cure cancer 30% of the time. Oh yeah, they cut back to Vicki's bullshit. Okay, so this is now a montage of Vicki's bullshit. We're Vicki saying, oh, well, you know, I've been to his cancer treatments. Then they cut to Vicki like, oh, you know, I haven't been. I've been to the chemo. And then they cut to Vicki like, well, you know, we were putting gas in the car when time, but it's like, what have you been to and what haven't you? So she's blank. But the interesting thing here is that Shannon's looking at it now of, well, if Brooks has cancer, Vicki's no dumb dumb. And Vicki is not 30. So she knows and she would notice that. And she would say something. So if he has cancer, she knows about it. I'm like, whoa. So now it's not just that he's lying about cancer as that Vicki is lying for him, which I mean, we already all know, but you know, for Shannon to get there. And I'll say it on TV. Jim's fighting words now. What do you think Megan's going to stand up to you in the next fight against Vicki? Not going to happen. You better be nice. But Megan, I'm sorry. Shannon, those-- I just are all catered up. Who knows? They all have rags on their hands. I'll just be friends with everybody, just send them over. But Shannon, though, will not say that she thinks Brooks is lying. But she is-- what she's doing, she's circling around. She's like, well, that's a big statement. It's a big statement to say that Brooks is lying. I mean, I would never say that Brooks is lying about his cancer. That's one thing you'll never hear me say is that Brooks is lying about his cancer. I mean, I mean, you say that Brooks is lying about his cancer, that you're saying. And then you're also saying that Brooks is lying about Brooks, lying about his cancer. I just hope that Vicki is able to produce the proof, because the last thing that the world needs to think is that Brooks is lying about his cancer that he doesn't have for so people would say. He should have to show your cancer results to vote. That's my opinion. It's the country. OK, mega and hella. OK, mega and hella. Oh, hello and hella. Welcome to my store. I don't know why I love hella. Yeah, she was funny. She was like, yeah, I'm a pump for the mob. You're from Contessa. Yeah, she's like, hello. Welcome to the hella store. So whoa, it was going to prom. Didn't hella just go to a prom? Hella just went to a winter formal where she was a brat. But now it's time for prom. So Megan, Megan's taking hella to the prom, because Megan has realized that being a quote unquote stern stepmother isn't working. So she's just going to try to be friends with her. It's like, well, yeah, because I was trying to be Haley's mom. And like, I was doing her homework and giving her $100 and like telling her stuff. And she didn't like that. So now I'm just giving her $100 and not telling her stuff. Yeah, it's working out great. Yeah, it's great also because this man don't have to do all her stock market homework, but it's just really hard because I didn't see anything about stockings in there. Now all I do is her English homework. We're friends, we're friends too. Girlfriends. Yeah, really connecting. So of course, Megan uses this opportunity to bond with her daughter that's not an opportunity to bond with her daughter at all, but to bond with Brooks' non-cancer. It's like so, Haley, it's so cool to be like your friend now, instead of your mom. So what kind of treatment is your mom getting for her cancer? Oh, really? Brooks isn't doing that. Where's him Brooks doing that? What's the treatment again? What is it? It's like, oh my god. Well, but to be fair though, I mean, just shop. She does have somewhat of a point, which is that she is seeing all the things that Leanne is doing. And how Leanne is like doing whatever she's looking at. And so she sees, and then she sees Brooks bullshitting. So I mean, I'm not going to take Meg and she's like a dog with the bone, you know? She needs to shut up rawhide things and he chews them all day. It's like every time you turn around, it's like slurp slurp. He's slurping and licking on something. The neighbors all probably think I'm jerking off all day long, you know? And it's him just licking on this fucking bone. And finally, he swallows it and then I have to wait four days for him to poop. And then it's like the most painful thing ever for him. You know? That's how I feel about you, Meg, in a right? You're like a rawhide. She's made her point. She needs to just shut up. And unless Brooks starts, you know, if there's some sort of thing, like, let's get donate money for Brooks's treatment, then you can maybe raise objections. But until then, it's time for her to shop. Although I know realistically, of course, she's not going down. Neither would I because it's so juicy. And also Megan. And also Megan. She's like, "Hilly? Hilly's my friend now. You can tell because I got her blonde hair." Yeah. They were friends. She's like, "No." You know, when I went to the prom, I heard the craziest thing. I, like, got a school bus and collected money and made a spreadsheet. And therefore knowledge. I had a spreadsheet of all the different people at prom and whether they were wearing ruffles or not. What are you going to do for your prom? Hilly's, like, blow someone, hopefully. Yeah, well, that too. But Megan's like, "Well, I know we wanted to get a limousine, but I felt like a school bus is better because schools are like knowledge." You know? Also, like, we're in Orange County. So, like, it's important that we put as much pollution into the air as we possibly can on your way to prom. Because we, we own this country! One percent! Fert on the world. We're friends. You're blonde. Tamara and Vicki. Okay, so this show, you can tell these bitches have been on this show for 90 years because they just have this huge screaming fight where Tamara just screams, "Can't say they're the source for 20 hours." And Vicki walks around all tired, going, "Uh, he is cancer. Just leave him alone. Just let him be." And then the very next day, or whatever, in "Housewise Time." Tamara's like, "Okay, I'm sorry when I said that, but he has menopology!" "Sorry, what?" I know, and they're just all gone on the couch, knitting. Tamara makes it all about her. Here you have a gang of women who are, you know, ganging up, essentially, on barks and saying he doesn't have real cancer, which he probably does not have cancer, but either way, it's still a bunch of women going after this guy, and then he says something about considered a source, which is actually a very valid thing to say. And Tamara's makeup seemed like she just had her entire life smear. This is a woman who went on to reunion and told the world that Gretchen was having an affair on her dying husband, and the guy was like, "Made this whole story where there was true or not." She went out, she tells this whole crazy story, and then Brooke says, "Well, consider the source." She's like, "I can't believe he would say that. I'm about to be baptized." And then Vicki's trying to, like, at least make a scene. She's like, "Well, you know what? I mean, what are you saying? What is this, a game of telephone? A game of tele-camera?" It's like a little tele-camera. Oh, god. Jesus. I was never being able to get out of your contract. Oh, my god. I would love to play a game of tele-camera. Okay, we're going to take the children to the park. Shelter in Barbara fucked in a park by a stranger who lied about cancer. Batch. It's like, mmm. You know what, Vicki told me, she told me she wants to take her kids to the park, and I'm done and I'm done. Can't believe it. Batch. Vicki called the park fat. She told me I'm in confidence, but it is so crazy. I feel like I have to tell everyone. Because I feel like it has, I just have to vent it out. I'm sorry. Vicki's cheating on the park with the other park. That's just what I had, Batch. Consider the source, Batch. So you should not conduct, oh, Vicki's argument is, "Look, if you're my friend, you wouldn't condone a 30-year-old calling a doctor." What does her age have to do with calling the doctor? Like, it would have been better if she was old. Like, look, if someone is going through menopas and they're real hot and they call the doctor and say they have cancer. I understand. When I first got hot, I called the doctor and asked if I had cancer too. It's normal. About a 30-year-old? Don't do it. You're not my friend. But Vicki's thing's so calm. It's really hilarious because I don't know where this has come from. It is like that whole scene. Was it last year or this year before? There was a whole season where Vicki was really eerily calm the whole year. Where she was like, "Well, you know, everyone's mean to me." And so, whoo-hoo. Yeah, I said it. Whoo-hoo. Yeah, I'm surprised she has not screamed more this season. I think she's probably exhausted. That's all I have to say. Well, not even a hoo. I think that she's just probably exhausted and warned down by just not being too tired, you guys. Yeah. So, like, you know, every time I watch a movie about cancer, I cry and I feel so bad for those women. Well, you know, I wonder what they would feel like if they were watching a movie about me. You know how hard not having cancer is? This is really stressful. It would have been easier if you just had cancer. I mean, go to the doctor. There's instructions for that. I can't even go into my kitchen and stare at my daily and day sign and smile anymore. The joy is gone. [Laughter] I don't feel happy on day. Vicki's like, "You know, there's such a thing as medical privacy. You know what HEPA is?" Like, Vicki, that does not really apply here. Your boyfriend's outlying, okay? Yeah, and by the way, that's concerning, I believe, medical professionals. Like, a nurse or a doctor isn't allowed to be like, "Oh, this is so-and-so medical service." But I think a private citizen, not that they're public, but a person is allowed to share their medical records. Yeah, it's okay. She's crazy. And Tamara's like, "Look, are I'm telling you about it?" It's if she shouts medical records, then people will be quiet. Then she's like, "What, do you want him to die? Does he have to die?" No, just show the record. Why does it have to switch to him dying? It's either murder books with cancer or pull out the Trapper Keeper from out from under your bed, which isn't Vicki. She's like, "Well, I'm not going to show you his private book. Is it his private book or your Trapper Keeper full of colored, uh, folder icons?" Shut up, Vicki. Get your eyes straight, Vicki. Shut up. You're all stupid. Yeah. That's Vicki's stupid. Yes, they're stupid. They're stupid. That's all. I'm going to say, okay, I'm sick of talking about cancer. All right. I'm sick of talking about non-cancer. Hello, dear. This is Shannon complaining to David. Oh, yeah. Who is doing the tip? How is any husband in Orange County thin? Because whenever these bitches start yammering, the men are binging on something. David was just like, "Yes, dear." Yes, dear. Oh, yes. It was a great arity, dear. I thought Aries was a great theme for a party, dear. He was great. No, I don't know why Vicki left early. That's too bad. Because that cake would have been perfect for you and Vicki, dear. Yes, dear. I love your cake. No, dear. I do not go to the bakery that you told me not to go to ever again. No, dear. I didn't see the bakery. I used to bone. Yes, and Shannon is getting very savvy already with these shows, or on the show, about these shows. But she's already ready with her new-- I'm really glad you landed on the proper preposition. Oh, stop it! She is already ready to flip stories around, and I love it. She's like, "Well, David, you know, I just happen to be in here with a slow cooker, because if you don't wait for something for 20 hours while you're staring at it, waiting for it to bubble, then it's just not tasty as a David." David, you know, Vicki-- Vicki did ask me for help from my assumption when I spoke. Yeah, she phrased it in a way. It's like, she found out Brooks had cancer in Colby, and I made the assumption from the tone of her voice that she was asking for my help. But apparently, she was. Like, she's already figuring out how to, like, rewrite the story, so she doesn't look like a total liar, because Vicki probably did not technically ask for her help. Vicki doesn't really do that. They probably don't even remember-- it probably was a whole conversation, and one of them proposed it, and neither of them remember who proposed for us, because it was, like, not essential to be taking notes about that in your mind. Yeah, yeah. And Sharon is talking to-- she's going off about all this, so she's not in trouble, and if you-- like, this is all going to be aired, so she'll get out of it at the reunion when Vicki starts yelling at her or whatever. And, you know, you have to hand it to Shannon, because she is kind of an expert on fake illnesses. That bitches the doctor 10 times a week, getting, like, fucking giraffe, like, eyeball, fluid injected into her spine for nothing, for negative thoughts, okay? Like, if anyone knows about it, fake, dizzies with Shannon, don't argue with the pro. Dr. Ryan, any more giraffe eyeballs with it? I'm having 60 to 70 negative thoughts a day, and it's way too high for my limit. Dr. Moon, I just saw someone wipe that elephant's trunk off. Why were they not saving that? Save it! Dr. Moon, I really do not appreciate all the talk of cancer at my Aries party at the wrong sign. Can you please put some giraffe food in me before I have too many negative thoughts? I brought you some fireball. It's a fireball knowledge. So whatever Vicki and Tamara's calm conversation, Vicki's like, "Shut it down!" So Tamara, since she's already set the entire world on fire, is like, "Okay, I've got to cut fitness batch." So she goes into cut fitness with Megan, which is empty, shock her. This is what it's empty in there. It's up in a real place. This is what it sounded like. Oh man, the change over from summer to fall has been so lovely. I love fall clothes, and it's so nice getting an upgrade from my regular old dusty hoodie to something brand new and stylish from Quince. I know this is like layering season, and I am ready for a beautiful, beautiful sweater. Quince offers affordable higher quality essentials for any wardrobe. I just got the most adorable casual jacket, which I'm going to use more than anything else in my wardrobe from Quince. I mean, I look adorable. You look adorable. I can't even oversell this. I look adorable in this thing. You do. 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We could actually hear a ghost. Or like in an office. Yeah. Hear that buzz. He has a buzz. The fluorescent lights are going to... It's a good moment. They take a minute to warm up batch. Like out for the water such as... Bitch buzz. These floors are warped over here because the water is warped. And these are over here because they're moles and the floor is pushing them up. Moles. So they're going to cut business and she's like, "You know, but sometimes batch is just best to drop at." And Megan's like, "Wow, you know what? That's something Judge Judy has never said." She probably wouldn't even have a show. Like what if people went on Judge Judy and she was just like, drop it. The end. There would be no justice. And it's like, who cares? Because it's the start of the show. So just like do it. But like what if, what if I peed on your leg and it was raining? Couldn't shoot it. Like sure I peed, but you can't be mad at me for saying it's raining also. She would be that technical activity. Yeah, she would be like, I never said it was raining. Objection. Objection. I said it was misting. I've seen law and order. Objection done done. Object done done done. She's me Judge Judy. You can't bang your gavel at it. Done done. Things aren't adding up. I'm no dummy. Okay, fitness. Empty as usual in 90 days. Oh, and Megan's like, okay, I'll drop it. But in 90 days, you know, he's going to come out and say that he's totally healed. And that it was the revester all. Okay. She's right. Mark my words. She's right. Sure enough. She's right. I don't know when this was shot, but someone posted on our old Facebook today, an article from Yahoo. You know Yahoo. Really radar on Yahoo line. Stop it. Stop it with your investigative, not reporting. They're like, Yahoo breaking news. The source. Yeah. The source. The source. Yeah, whose new headline is going to be consider the source. Yeah, who had the story was like, Brooks Ayer is not lying about cancer. And so you click on it. And it's like, we asked Rooka P. Ed Cancer. And he said, no, people are lying about it. Thanks Yahoo. Great, great reporting there, buddy. But he said, he did say, yeah, he said, no, no. He said, yes, I have cancer, but people are lying about it. And he's like, but I don't have my lesions now. And I also don't have, you know, cancer now or whatever. Like whatever other, whatever other side effects or whatever. But he's like, I'm getting better. There are no signs of it. I'm getting more so that's good. We're all in our way. Go, Francia! So shady. Yeah, he's so shady. I just love those stories when they're, because I think I mentioned this last week, but there was one that I was laughing at last week that someone posted that was like, ladies caught lying about Brooks' cancer or whatever. So of course, it's like radar online. So I click on it and then like, sit through 20 pop-up bands or whatever. And then re-install adblock. Anyway, that was the whole day. So I go on and it's like, a source says that, oh, it wasn't radar online. That wasn't cool. It was some private vlogger. Anyway, there was no evidence. There were like a source said that people are lying about it and that Brooks really does it. I was like, so Vicki left you a freaking email and that's your story. Come on. I mean, I know it's housewives, but like make some kind of effort. Yeah, I agree. So then some 30-year-olds on a blog? Really? A 30-year-old on a blog? Missed 30-year-old. So then we go to Mastros, where Terero's this gorgeous, nice restaurant that is the biggest fame horror in the world. OK? What the hell, Mastros? That's a place where the kids, Shannon's kids, were like, got to Mastros. What are we even doing here? Yeah, exactly. Mastros is the only place. Mastros and chilies are like the only place that have opened up shooting for the Mastros. That's also like the fanciest restaurant in Orange County. I know, but don't you think it's weird that they're... Well, we have a Mastros there too. I just think it's weird that they're kind of fame-horry in there. Of course, it's not weird after I spent, you know, a night up at the upper bar in Mastros. Yikes! Well, here's the thing with Mastros. I'm in in the fame halls with funny faces. You love them, darling. So what I thought was funny is that the waiter is dressed the nine. It's got like a full-on like, you know, like a white with a white blazer, bowtie, fully light. He looks like he's at like a white tablecloth restaurant, you know? And then everyone else there has got like, you know, collar open, no tie or whatever. And I don't have a problem with that, but there's a disconnect. Either the people are schmucks and they're not dressed properly, or the restaurant is pretentious. The restaurant's pretentious. I actually think in this case, it's the restaurant. Who the hell? You know what I mean? It looked like the waiter looked like he's out of Mad Man. It was so over the top formal. Yeah. Who the hell needs to be dressed like that to wait a fucking table, okay? You're like running around all day, carrying shit around in a three-piece polyester. By the way, they're probably after my friend worked there. Polyester fucking three-piece suit. Yeah, I mean, that's not cute. All that was like, it's not good service, it's almost there in pain. It looked like he was going to serve them chicken kia or something, you know, it was like very old school. And he's very, um, Real Housewives waiter too. He's like, hello, welcome. Welcome to Master O's. Is there a gorgeous night here? Look how gorgeous tonight is here. Master. It's like, would you really think you're going to get discovered in your three-piece polyester suit on the Real Housewives? Sit down, give me some water. How about that waiter person? Heather's like, oh, Alfredo, so good to see you again. I didn't know you worked at Master O's also. Anyway, you know what I'll have. No, that was a white guy. She's like, it's Alfredo here. She doesn't even, at this point. Why did Alfredo get turned into a busboy? What's happening with the world? I would talk about this, but I have something very important to discuss with Terry. Go hands. We're going to get some. Go hands. Fish. By the way, if you're not watching us on Barisco, if you're missing us, do our Heather Krab hair. Clients. We'll have a diet coke, and some methicine binwas, please collect varietal. Thank you. What I am telling you is that I would like a diet coke, because I've been working on the house so long that I need some more caffeine before I work on the house some more. That's what I'm telling you. Look at that waiter in his three-piece suit, sweating. You know what would make him sweat? Building a house. That's hard. Okay, that's work. It's like, shut up Heather. Yeah. It's like, it's so hard. I just wish Terry understood what it was like spending $900 million of his money to build them all. Why doesn't anybody understand my stress? Do you know how hard it is to fit a clares in between a hot dog, a hot dog on a stick and a sibaro? I don't even know how to spell sibaro. Alfredo, do you know how hard it is to go on to Pinterest and choose things for three rooms every five days? I'm working hard. It would take less time if I actually flew to the Amazon. Okay. Pointing and clicking is harder than it sounds. Okay. Do you know how hard it is Terry to figure out which things on Amazon or Amazon Prime and which are Amazon Prime one day? Come on. The bed in the cabinets originally fit Colette's body perfectly, but now she's grown. I'm having to have the cabinets rebuilt so she'll fit in them. It's like builders don't understand puberty. Terry. The marble headboard isn't ready yet, Terry. Marble headboard. Oh, if only earthquake, I'd break for an earthquake every day. Oh, the ding dong, the witch is dead under a marble headboard that she built herself. So yeah, she's talking about. She's talking about so basically. So I'm going to dinner with Terry because, you know, Terry understood. I told him, Terry, we never see each other. And then, you know, it's like he understood how silent his life had gotten and he agreed to have a dinner for me to bitch at him for an hour. I was thinking, Jesus, you wonder why he's ignoring your calls. He's got you unblocked. Yeah. He, uh, so Heather's big thing was that for one of the rooms. She's like, remember the room I saw you go with the tree I wanted to put in it? And they're like, uh-huh. I have my mom, Sketcha. I sketch something with my mom and we're going to put it in a big picture window in front of the house. It's going to be a tree. And then, every bird represents our kids. And she's like, do you like it? And Terry's like, uh- The drawing of the tree was literally Colette's drawing of a tree with her piss as she stood up, okay? It was like terrible. It doesn't even like barely look like a tree. And the tree is like the easiest thing you can, you know, draw. Yeah. She's like, do you like my tree? And he's like, oh- But if those are the kids, she's like, oh, that's great, Terry. Oh, my hard work. No, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. She's all mad as if, like, he's turning down Van Gogh's 'cause it likes us up. Some family courts were bid by us, Van Gogh. She's like, no, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. Oh, so I'm not an artist now. Look, I've seen a lot of your artwork walking around the streets of Orange County that I don't approve of, but you don't hear me saying that at Master of on Camera Terry. All I know is that this is a very good drawing of a tree. Look, I've got a bird for the twins, two birds for the twins, one for the older one, one for Collette, one for Weave and McIntyre, and one for Lily Tombow. All right, on top of the tree, those are the cabinets where Collette sleeps. Okay, that's why she's not a little bird on the tree. Here is a bird gauge. This is where we're keeping go ahead. The rest of them are just hanging around on a tree, pooping all over the floors, and then there's a nanny who comes by every half an hour and sweeps to that. It's an amazing piece of glass, Terry. What do you appreciate me? Terry, I want to draw this tree so that way we can later erase the tree and build a new house on the tree. A new house on the tree. This is just a tree. It's the beginning. Soon there will be houses on the branches. Children's houses. There will be little cabinets where we store all of the children. It'll be like one of those things Christians have before Christmas. Just open up a new little door every day and a little piece of Collette falls out. And a little baby mansion comes out. So stupid. Like this is completely stupid. Let's do it for another 45 minutes. So anyway, so Terry thought it was like garbage. And then she gets real pissy and he's like, "Oh, yes dear." I thought it was just saying, "I just wanted you to be excited about it. I'm working so hard on this house." He's like, "Yeah, I have people's lives in my hands." Well, kind of faces. Well, I mean, once they're under and once they are under the knife. Yeah, he was like, "I have people's sex lives and self-respect in my hands." All right, I don't have time to worry about this house. I like when he said, "Since when does having an opinion mean that I'm turning against my wife?" I'm like, "Uh, the day you got married? Are you just figuring this out? Have you never met a wife before?" "Hello, I'm a gay dude. I know this." Yeah, I was raised by a wife. And a couple of maids as well. All right, I can run your entire household mall, man. Yeah. So then we had a little interstitial of Vicki and Brooks. They were... Where are we? Oh, geez. Okay, well, when they went to Hella, the doctor. Okay, Hella is all over this episode. One minute, she's selling Justin's headbands to Haley. And now she's like, "Welcome to Earthing." I'm like, is this with every scene? To be fair, this was Lenka. Lenka. Lenka. Oh, I'm Lenka. Yeah, Lenka. So, Lenka. Lenka, the bigger con artist in Brooks, which is probably getting paid $100 per session to tell people, "Yes, you have to have your feet on the earth 'cause you are going to absorb all the minerals and nutrients and energy of Mother Earth from Gaia." You're doing it on a lawn that was sprayed with pesticides, so kind of not working. That tingly feeling is actually the dog poop. And why is seeing somebody to help you with your health okay on TV as long as it's for earth on your feet and not for cancer? I mean, what the hell? Vicki's like, "Oh, this is going to make us feel..." You know, I don't like grass, though. Do I have to lay down? I'm like, "Yes, this is what you do. You're lying down on the grass for the earth." She's like, "This grass doesn't work. You know, it doesn't work. It doesn't have a jab. I don't know if I can respect this grass." I'm going to call my mom and ask her about earthing. Len, oh God, I forgot. So, earthing. She looked like, "Do I have to get birth here? Why are you making me spread my legs on the lawn?" This was just like when I gave birth to the first one. Oh, geez. So, then we got a look at Ryan's new home. Oh, Ryan. Okay, Ryan is now on like season 37 of Sons of Anarchy. Okay, Ryan, how do you get older with every episode? This episode, his eyes were in the back of his head and his eyeballs were out to here and his beard was out to here. And he almost, like his hand is already forming this formation, so he'll be ready to carry a tin tub soon. Yeah. To shake around in front of the Salvation Army, or from the HEB, Christmas time, or what have you. And so, they, Tamara shows him this perfectly nice home and he's complaining, "Well, this is, I don't know if I like these floors." I don't know if he's, I guess, used to work floors at this point from cut fitness and working there. He's like, "These floors are either." They're too even, they're too nice. "Mom, I didn't trip on my way to the bathroom. What kind of house is this?" And he's just complaining and they keep cutting to Eddie and he's like, "Mmm." Oh my god. "How much did Ryan complain?" And he's like, "This women, you know, these women don't understand what it's like to drive nine hours. We have to drive nine hours." And not these women are hungry. Do you understand what it's like driving nine hours? No, you don't. You don't know what it's like. I'm the one who has to drive for nine hours. Nine hours, I have to drive. Okay, we have to leave here and we have to drive. Nice paint, Mom. Now we have to drive for nine hours. I'm like, "What is with you and driving?" What the hell is so hard about driving? You sit there. Why is that so hard? It's like, "Oh, my hours! Driving! I hope it!" Surprise, Christ. You know what? How about this? You go and just splurge a little bit, send the wife and the daughters down on a plane, and then you do the driving loan. That way, you don't have to worry about their schedules. Yeah. I know it's expensive, but you don't like someone. Put up or shut up. Put up or shut up. Shut up. Or how about this? How about you don't move? How about that? How about that? How about that? How about you stay in Northern California? How about that? Yeah. Apparently they have Instagram there. Yeah. What else do you meet? Ryan, and you don't have to drive? Yeah. Yeah, he's ridiculous, but I mean, what are you going to do? I don't know. It's hard to feel bad for somebody who... Well, he's not getting married. That was the other part of the discussion. Oh, yeah. He's dating someone with like three kids, then knocked her up and had his own, and then she's like, "But are you going to get married?" And he's like, "Oh." It's a lot of... I don't know. It's a lot of work. But it's a lot of driving. Because it's a lot. It's a lot of drive to the church. And it's like four kids. It's like, yeah, yeah. That was like... It's not like it's a surprise. It's not like she sprung Brooklyn on you. I asked it. It's like, you knew that she had four kids. You met her off Instagram, okay? She has a job, right? I mean, marry her. What the hell are you ever going to do with your life? She's waiting way out of... She has a way out of the league. Yeah, she is, right? She seems smart, and she's really pretty. And she married a loser, because she had three kids. That's what you do, right? Thank God I can't have... And you know what? Don't cross her, admit her to cross... She knows how to fire a gun, too, by the way. She does. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Would she shoot? No, because last season, I think she talked about how she had her own gun. Don't get in the way of her. So anyway, excuse me, I'm burping. Like, Brian, if you don't marry her, it's going to be really awkward when you beat her, because you're not supposed to be your girlfriend. I mean, that's for committed couples. Brian, have I taught you nothing? Batch! So then, across over time, Heather went up to Beverly Hills, where she had lunch at curstallization... Well, curstallization is also a thing more restaurant, by the way. Yes. Heather, you know, Heather makes me crazy, but I have to give Heather credit for something I know it's going to be shocking, and no, it's not going to be a Malibu country. I'm really impressed with Heather, because she's skinny, but she's skinny for a reason. That bitch orders shrimp, okay? At the first restaurant, they had a shrimp cocktail that was smoking. Oh, look at this. Oh, fog. There's fog on my cocktail. She had some shrimp cocktail, but I don't even think she ever ate it, because she was so disappointed that her artwork didn't go over. Oh, okay. It wasn't like a curstallization. It looked too much like the tree. I can't eat this. Reminds me of the tree I rejected. [laughter] So, you went to curstallization? She met with Lisa Rinna. They were going to... Lisa Rinna, nothing says desperation, like, driving to Orange County to be on TV. No, no, no, no, no. No, never in Beverly Hills. Oh, never mind, I take it back. Lisa Rinna is not desperate. Well, I was going to say, driving to Orange County. I was like, girl. And by the way, even if she were desperate, she'd be the first one to joke about it. She even made a joke about the type you got to get. I broke the Orange County. [laughter] I did that. It's crazy. I went to Orange County to be on TV. Girl, we put in a lot of time. We put in a lot of time in those chairs at the auditions. That's for sure, girl. I did a diaper commercial. You know what? I did a diaper. Oh, girl. [gasps] Oh, my God. I'm eating shrimp, which affects me weird. Thank God I have diapers at home. What? I'm supply. Gotta... I got a rash. I got a rash on me right now. That isn't what I want you to be on camera. I'll eat this shrimp and get a rash. Someone call me an ambulance. Oh, my God, look at this one. [laughter] Oh, my God. Oh, like, when Heather was like, Lisa René and I met at acting class 90 years ago. And then she went... She was like, I specifically chose crustacean so that way I could do my crab hands and fit in. We met at a red lobster audition. [laughter] She was there when I came up with this. I was just trying to order water. It came from the method class. I was playing her crab. And she was playing a flounder. We were doing Little Mermaid again. We were running lines outside and I was saying, God, this class is hard. Method acting is really difficult. I wish there was just, like, champs named Method. One day, right? One day. And Lisa René is like, dreams, dreams, dreams. I'm doing dreams. [laughter] Girl, I'm doing your crab now also. We would just walk around acting class like this. Hollywood. Clothants. Clothants all over Hollywood. It was crazy. Clothants. I wonder, can the people at home hear the sound of the flothants? Oh, wait. We're getting too close. We can hear it. Marley Matlins, like, finally. Oh wait, she can't hear. She could watch us in Paris. Marley, if you're watching us in Periscope. We didn't make a Marley Matlin joke. We're probably like saying, like, get to everything you're saying, like if you're blind or like deaf or whatever. Squid hands. Someone on Periscope says they're squid hands. Squid hands. Oh, they're these hands. Squid hands would be like jazz hands. These are called ham hands. Ooh. So anyway, this was kind of a silly scene. I thought there was going to be something better about it. We get to go to the same auditions. Like, we wouldn't audition for the same roles. But, I mean, like, she would, she was like, we'd sit there next to the folding. We'd sit on the folding chairs together at auditions. She would be, you know, putting on lip gloss and that would be learning actual lines because, you know. You know, we're different. You don't get to Malibu country by putting on lip gloss. Raymer requires a brain. Okay. So why she can sing and add. She's probably a dancer too in her spare time. I don't know. I don't know. And it gets your gun didn't require an anting. So I know. Lisa's like, so I didn't, it was just a, it was basically a, it was basically just a scene of how there's, she was like, I want your advice. I have what we should do on the home shopping network when we launch our skincare line, which Heather doesn't need advice. It was just her being saying, hey, I'm launching the skincare line. It's like, I'm an actor and actors are taught not to do that. And Lisa's like, yeah, well, I've sold diapers. So I already did it. It feels fine. We do different things on TV. You know, you would go on TV. You couldn't just pitch yourself. I had to as part of the product. You don't want advice from me. Can I have some of that shrimp you can eat. So then, we get to the final scene of the episode, which is Shannon's awkward rush with the gud. Never have I seen a table and thought, God damn, that looks naked without a tablecloth until this episode. But Shannon was like, I don't even know like a torture victim from saw. She was like sitting there on the table. Like she actually, it was actually a layer to cut off my leg, like a rat a puzzle. I mean, what's happening here? What kind of place is this? So the rat like Magiano's Little Italy or something like that. But, but I meant the best part. You know, Piper pizza. First we see, first we see an exterior of the restaurant. And this was, I didn't even notice this until I went back and recorded the thing for our vine channel, because I did actually do the little vine thing from the scene. So first we see the restaurant. And then all you hear is Shannon's voice. And she goes, is that fresh water? They're like, yes, we just had Alfredo walking in from a lake. Yeah. Okay. And then, and then he cuts to Shannon and the waiter's giving her a menu and the waiter walks away. And the most hilarious thing happens, they just hold on Shannon. For eight seconds, I know, because I recorded it eight seconds, she's just sitting there staring off into space. Awkward, but she's like about the sadness in her life. She's just looking around like, you know, showing her bare legs under the table. It was just so awkward. She was just like hunched over and feeling alone at the table and self conscious. Vicki's like, Hey, you know, here I am on my lunch break from my dad, because I work, you know, so I don't know. Should I order you a jab? You hungry? Maybe? Would you like a jab? Should I order that for you? Vicki's just like exhausted. She's like, geez, are we going to talk about my cancer again? She just learned she has to give away 60% of her, her earnings to the IRS. Meanwhile, it's clearly like Brooks and the phone like, Oh, hello, this is all. This is Schmooks bears from the IRS. And I'm going to let you know that you owe $120,000. You can put into a PayPal account. It's called Brooks airs IRS at gmail.com. Thank you very much. Only sit payments that are hand delivered to us in cash by man with brand new teeth that look like toilet lid. Our recommendation, you know, I don't know if you know about this, but the IRS has actually a discount. So usually the way it works is you give the money to your significant other. And then you have him delivered to us and just take it on faith that he brought it to us. Thank you. Evidence isn't required unless you just don't love him. All right. Vicki Shannon, you did ask for my help. Vicki's like, why would I ask for your help? I'm not a psychologist. Actually, that's too much energy. She's like, I didn't ask for your help. And what are you going to solve cancer? What are you going to cure cancer? Mom, what do you think? Vicki, we get it. Okay. Your mom does not, your mom being dead does not make your husband have cancer. Right. Well, here's the thing. What I loved is Vicki, Vicki is now at this point, battered down. She has this issue. You know, she's got she's got tax issues. Everyone's coming at her about Brooks. You know, her mom did just die. You know, I'm not going to take that away from her. It's like my new phrase. I'm not going to take that away from her, but I'm not. She said, I haven't had even had time to grieve, but whatever. And then Megan's like, well, I know you. I'm Shen's like, I know you don't want to talk about this. And then Vicki's like, okay, so we're going to talk about this. So are we like, well, it's like, well, you know, Vicki, it's like, you know, things are just not adding up. I don't know. So we're really going to talk about it. Well, I know that you're really talking. I just said I don't want you to talk about it. Yeah, I know, but we don't want to talk about it. And I don't want you to talk about it. I'm having a tear. I'm having such a bad day and you're going to make it worse. Well, I could get better if you just released the medical records. I mean, I'm just saying, why should I just, well, you know what, maybe he'll die. And then I'll put him on my wall. And then every guys, every time you guys come over for a drink, he can lean on the wall. And then you can apologize to the wall for not believing. I did, I did, I did feel bad for Vicki because Vicki was like, please, I don't want to talk about this. And Megan's like, and I don't want to talk about it either. But David was telling me that someone just wanted to talk about it. Shannon's relentless. And I love that Shannon's like, well, having negative thoughts and feeling sad doesn't mean you can't talk. I mean, I feel like that all day long. David listens. David. David. David was right here, wasn't he? Did he come with me? David. Is David at a bar drinking sake? He never used to drink sake before brings that cancer. When you're having negative thoughts, roll through your brain like thoughts in a dry air. That's when you talk Vicki. That's when you talk. What friends are for? Oh God. It was just, it was actually painful to watch because it was painful to see Shannon keep poking at her. Miss 30-year-old. She kept poking and poking and poking. So I thought it was painful because on the one hand you could see this is going, it's like Shannon keeps saying you're her friend, like just, just shut up already. Just, well, someone just wrote us on parrot. Well, not just like an hour ago. Yeah. Someone, keep poking Miss 30-year-old. Someone wrote that Shannon and Vicki are no longer speaking, which makes sense because you can tell from these testimonials, I'm sorry, I'm still in random mode. And these, whatever, interviews, diary room, diary room sessions, you can tell that they're not really in fashion because Vicki's like, wow, oh, well, Shannon, Shannon has set a new law. Shannon has gotten lower than anybody else. Okay. How low can you go? As Shannon, you know, she's on the ground. She's crawling under the stick. That's cheating. She's on her hands and knees crawling under a stick. That's how low. You know what? Limbo sticks. They don't work. They don't work. You know what? A conga line. That's work. That's real line, but a limbo stick. That's not worth it. What does a stick do? It just sits, just sits there. Someone has to hold the stick. And whether terrible song, I prefer tequila. Yeah. You know, I wish there was a song about wine. So I could just play it for Brooks until he's cured. Let's whoop it up. You know what? When you're in a limbo stick, you're down there. You're not whooping it up. You're down. You're whooping it down and coming up. Limbo is where you're stuck before you go to heaven. Okay. So next week, Brooks is like, hey, everybody, I got my my cancer results. They were done in a Photoshop document and color coded. So when I get rid of cancer, I can change the color of it from terror alert orange to green. You're all good to go. Shannon's like, I don't understand. This is a guess or just forget from Applebee's. This is one of those kids menus from that blue Tiana's place we were just at. Why am I supposed to draw a pirate house? Brooks, you didn't have cancer. Brooks, you didn't even get through the maze. You're lying just out halfway through. Brooks, you can't. This is not even the proper word scramble. X, V, T, U is not a word. The only thing your cancer treatment has in common with this child's menu is the unfinished maze. It's an unfinished maze. You never got through it. But your cancer needs a steady crayon through Brooks. You know this, I know you want us to connect the dots, but you can't even connect the dots. There's three or four dots there. You didn't even draw a line to is this a frog or just a big blur of dots? I don't know because you didn't finish it. It's supposed to be a boot and you drew a smiley face. You didn't even touch the dots. You drew the line right in between the dots, right around your. It's like you intentionally avoid the dots. You've turned boots into flip flops. Well, congratulations on just ruining everybody's dinner. I don't want to sit here and with somebody with flip flops, how disgusting Brooks, whoever responsibility. Now, do you want the grilled cheese or the chicken wings? Vicki, I will offer your man help on how to connect dots on children's menus. Well, I didn't have for your help. What do you want, Doc? Connector? I'll see you. Could I have a professional? I have a job. You know, I offered him two different books as to do a coup, and he didn't, he took the children's menu and said it. You're not respecting that. You're not respecting that. Well, disrespect. What a perfect way to end a housewives episode. So that was that, but so what I want. Oh, Vicki darling. So what I'm looking for. We're going to have some double notes now being you've gotten it. So I've gotten it. Oh yeah, double pull. Can you pull mine? I can't. I have to have you to mine. Well, this is for marriage. What is a conch Smith? Is that a real thing? Someone who makes calls out of me. Oh, I'm here to pick up David's cock. Is it ready? So at it forged from pennies, my pennies. They're because my family's won with the money. So actually, we can do double notes. We can double note. We can double note. No, we can tell. I have so many apps open. Okay. Well, Ronnie figures out his notes. We're not going to go somewhere. There's a map. There's a Twitter. There's a vine. Well, why do we think? Well, Ronnie looks for his notes on his phone. We can talk about next week on Real House is our orange county. I'm excited because when we were talking about it, that Brooks is like, well, here's my medical. Here's my medical chart. And then they cut to Megan, be like, I called his doctor and his doctor doesn't even do pet scan. Yeah, that's what it's because Brooks says, here's my pet scan. And then she had an Megan, because I call it didn't even do pet scans. So it's like, Megan's so annoying. I hate how nosy she is. She's so awful. And yet the same time, I'm like, Oh my God, I can't wait. It's so funny. It's like you have no evidence. And he's like, well, yes, I do. Here it is. It's on the back of a child's menu. And she's like, I called the restaurant. They don't even have children's menus at mass drugs. It's like the perfect combination of a con artist and someone would wait too much time. I like it. I love it. If it was anybody else, I mean, I would be horrified. But if it was anybody else, they would have just been like, you stupid, anorexic, man-faced bitch. Here's my cancer results. Okay. I have fucking cancer. Do you feel stupid now? But no. He's like, well, I drew something. No, Brooks. You know that like if Megan were a listener of Watch or Crafts, we would love her because she'd be the one to be posting on our Facebook page. Like, well, I did some research. And this is what I found. I'd be like, Oh my God. And we talked about it on the blog show. Well, maybe she is. Maybe she's our source. You never know. Maybe she's Steve's throat. Listen, it was my nickname in high school. Megan, if you want to send any knowledge our way, we will accept it. I know your name on it. You're wise to keep your name off of it. I know we're very nasty about you. But we're nasty to everyone. We're just shady. Two shady motherfuckers. And if someone said, you're mean to us, we'd be like, Oh my God, I'm sorry. We don't mean it. So there's our evidence. Here's my evidence that you're mean. Okay. So married to medicine. So let's move on to Merritt and medicine season finale. This is the well, it's almost our last episode. We have two probably two reunion shows to go through. So if you don't watch this show regularly and you just started watching this week, it was a weird opening because it opened with Lisa Marie crying to somebody else in the hospital, or Lisa Nicole crying to somebody else's husband about to, you know, because they had some couples thing last week where they had to be each other's spouse. Yeah. And the episode opens this week with Lisa Nicole like, I just wish I could trust you because without trust, it's just me in a store. Worried about hangers. It's like, well, who are you talking? This doesn't make any sense down while sitting off to the side. They're like, I wonder if I'm sitting on a seashell. Theron's all pulling his pants up higher. His massive wash mom jeans up. So then Toya is the next one to go in this in this group therapy session. And so she gets up there and she says, it's like, I feel like we fight a lot for the kids and the kids start to cry. And I feel like we don't have to cry so much. What I should have did is not get into a fight with a little gene and get into the albums instead. What I need you to do for us in the heart is we fight from the kid. I don't want my kids thinking it's okay to talk to your wife like that. It's like, what are you talking about? How many things did you ask for in this segment? She's like, Eugene, can I have a pool? He's like, no. I don't like what we find in front of the kids. Stop asking for pools and, bitch, there won't be a fight. Don't ask for a pool at your rental property. Okay, that's a really bad use of money. Yeah, Michael Jordan's ex-wife would not appreciate that. Okay, when she comes back and that money back over. Yeah, exactly. So the best part is that Toya is saying like, oh, Jean, I don't like, you know, you like, you really all come out of and everything. And then what she said, everyone's like, well, actually, Toya, you're the one who is No, Eugene did that. Eugene broke the rules. Everyone was supporting him. I know, but Eugene broke the rules because this is supposed to be other husbands talking to the wives. And everybody did it. I mean, even Darren, who was just like, you know, who could have stood up and said, no, I did not blow somebody in a bar or whatever. Nobody spoke. But then Eugene, after she was done, she's like, well, Jean has made the beat and cried. And so she sat back down. He's like, Toya, you have to understand you're difficult. You're awful. Your friends know you're awful. Yeah, he's right. He's right. It's difficult to be your friend. And it's even harder to be your husband. It sucks. I've gained 500 pounds since we started this show. You think that's because I'd like to eat? No, because I'm protecting myself against your horrible, horrible use of words. Well, nobody who should see a diet because I know I've seen you do it because I put all that camera footage from behind the cookie jar. It's low bow. It's like watching a close up of the same Bernard running towards the training. You know, the only problem with cookie cameras that I put the camera in, the cookie, and Eugene. Currently, I'm looking at your cold one. You're going to pass the camera already. Why are you with raw hides? So, so then everyone starts to hash things out and Heavenly's husband, Damon and John sort of have a very mature moment. And then I love how John, he's like, you know, I'll be the first to admit that I hold grudges. It's like, oh, really? Really? That's, that's, thank you for, thank you for, uh, thank you for saying, like, I'm a grudge holder. He is a nice person. We happen to have a fight. And just because he's obese and an awful doctor does not mean that I have the, like, whoa, whoa, calm down there, husband. He's like, not making up at all. Exactly. And Damon's like, listen, I'm sorry. He's like, if I, if I did something that made someone feel some way that I didn't attend, I'll apologize for it. I have no problem with that at all. This is Damon's face all the time. Yeah. But it's like, wait, so you're saying that if you say something and it comes out wrong and it hurts someone's feelings that you'll apologize to them, I don't know if that flies on Bravo. I'm sorry. Yeah, exactly. That's a little too, like, mature. This is why there are no shows about men. Get the hell off my screen. And then Heavenly is like, well, yeah, you disrespect the young man for you disrespect. Can I tell you something? Last week, I drove by someone trying to start their car. And it sounded exactly like Heavenly is laughing. I can't even do it. Well, it's like the lead of black glass. Yeah, it's a lead of black when the car is trying to start in the winter with a bedbell, like a frozen belt. I can't do it. I have to do my, I have to do warmups before these shows come up. We learned vocal warmups together, acting class 97 years ago. So here's what I've got to say. So here's what I've got to say about this group therapy session. Everyone's weighing in on these theories Darren is saying, you know, I think that what we need to do is we need to be thinking about this and that and everyone's saying all this stuff. Everyone is weighing in and the one person to not weigh in quads husband and he's the only one who's actually qualified to weigh in. He's the only one who actually has a degree in psychiatry. And what do we just want? He's married. There is no greater way to invalidate yourself as a therapist than marrying quad. Okay, I get that. He's in a long term case. He's in a long term case study. I think he's just sitting there taking notes like, I'm sorry, I can't focus on the group shit. Like this is part of my own. Yeah, I'm watching quads handshake level. Okay, I'm concentrating. I'm concentrating. So then Darren says something. He says something about, we all have to take responsibility while we're done, whatever. And we're like, oh, oh, I'm talking to her. No one's talking to Mariah. And of course, Mariah is like, oh, they ate and it's like, oh, the hook is coming out. The hook is coming out. Like, Oh, congratulations on the hook is coming out. Jesus. Aidan starts this whole bitch fight thing where he goes like, he gets a finger like this. He's like, yo, you weren't there for us. When you weren't there, you betrayed both of us. And you hurt my wife and you hurt me. And then Mariah's like, Oh, family, family. Nobody. Nobody does. It's like, who is even talking to you to? What are you going on about? Why are you yelling? Stop. And then quiet. And then heaven with the best part is that what heaven is like, Oh, the hook is coming out. I don't think it will really care. I was like, oh, look out. Here comes the hook, whatever that means. The hook is here. This whole episode is Mariah starting fights with nobody about nothing, but then screaming awesome. It seems to be on some serious drugs. And I'm not talking like the good bills, because I know all of those and how they affect you. Okay, it's called being a doctor in my head. You know, I know, I understand this. That's not prescription. That's like methane or something. So the last two or three episodes, I was like, Oh, it's sort of fun having Mariah back. It is, it is funny. This is the episode that reminded me of why I hated her so much. And honestly, I was totally on toy aside the entire episode because Mariah is thinking you're talking about how she voted out, voted out, you know, listen, you're showing us why you were voting. You're voting up for a reason. It's not like people just decided to be mean to you. You're crazy. And then they showed the clip. They were actually a montage later in the episode. We're jumping ahead, but later in the episode, they had a full on montage of Mariah being terrible to every single person. They went from past two seasons. Oh my god, her telling Dr. Jackie during the breast cancer season, by the way, that when Dr. Jackie had breast cancer or whatever, they show Mariah like, don't understand what it's like to have children because you don't have me. And that's it. You don't understand what a mother feels like because you can't have babies. I'm like, whoa, it's, that's a little far. Yeah, Mariah. If she's going to do that, she's got to do it like count just Luam. You know, be like, well, I know, because you don't have kids. But Luam like comes from a place where she's gross, but at least she actually has these manners and things. I don't even know what the fuck she's talking about. I actually feel dirty about making comparisons between marriage, medicine and real estate. But the best part is that while Mariah and Adrian are getting mad, they cut to Jackie. And she's just sitting there with her husband, laughing, like, you know, like, they're so, you know, the funny thing is the two of them are, are on this show. Well, I mean, he's just married to it. But she's on the show. I do get the feeling that she was on the show initially because I don't feel like she's in the as media for reality for us. The others. I feel like she really is on there because she wants to show an educated black woman on TV. You know, well, the self and the self diet. Yeah, well, the self is the new it. But I do feel, you know, I get a sense and I may be inferring too much. But I get a sense from her that she's not there as much to make drama, but to make sure there's a portrayal of a smart black woman who knows how to, you know, who can who trade herself properly because that's you just don't get to see that on TV very much, you know, well, not on Bravo, not on Bravo. And so it's funny because I feel like when you see her on there and she's a shake, she's like laughing at your head. She's like, Oh God, I'm telling you she is Mrs. Huxtable. Okay, I don't even mean that in a racist way. That's a problem. Yeah, she's like a white black lady and she smiles at everything Cliffs does. She's like, I was like, Oh, Cliff, you are crazy. She's not a white black lady. She's but she's a she's a Huxtable that she's very Felicia Rashad. Yeah, but you can say she's a white black lady. I mean, like in the stereo type of the Huxtable. That's what a Huxtable is. It's someone who's like, Oh, but hello, Cliff. But what she is, is she's not me because of slang terms from the 80s. All right. She's a smart, what she is, is a smart, intelligent, self-possessed black woman. Yeah, I don't know what she's doing. She's not acting crazy. She's a smart woman. She doesn't make her a white black lady. It just means whatever. You know what I mean. I met she's a Huxtable. Get off my ass. Sorry. I met. She's a Felicia Rashad in The Cosby Show. Okay. But she saved the perfectly correct bullshit for some other time. No, this is a podcast. Damn it. Damn it. So anyways, that's why I don't know what Huxtable means. So I do. Oh, yeah. So this is where the montage was because Toya was where she says, Mariah needs to take ownership that she's hurt every last person in this group. And yeah, that's when they showed the montage. It's true. Mariah's horrible. Mariah wants an apartment. Okay. So here's the, Mariah is a shut up about this miscarriage thing. Okay. I'll tell you why. It's like using pain. Everybody on the TV shows do it. They use whatever pain is around them and they will milk it. Yes, everyone feels rolled. Let me tell you something. I have some very dear friends who have had miscarriages. And I didn't visit them in the hospital. A, because I didn't know. I actually didn't know. They kept the private. So how that's supposed to know. And be, you know, they also don't hold it against me. It's a, it's like pain. It's not about your friends. You're supposed to go visit your enemies in the hospital when they're, you're totally misreading the story. But the point is this though, Toya is right. You know, you weren't, you're not an American. Yeah, she's like, why would I go to the hospital? Yeah. And Mariah, Mariah, Mariah. Mariah's too much. Like, I don't even, I'm tired already talking about her. She doesn't do anything that's real. All she does is come on and scream and yell about shit that has nothing to do with any kind of reality or anything that ever happened. She's always my fucking time. And she's so met the, that she walks into that last finale party thing, which is some made up event that quad made up on paperless posts for Evite. I'm giving quite too much. She made some Evite and sent it out and called it like the bestest doctors in the town. And then made herself the host when she's not a doctor. And then gave the awards to her husband and then her two friends. Yeah. What the hell. And then had it in some like model home living room. Get the hell out of here. So by the way, during this group, again, during the group therapy session on the beach, my favorite part of is that when Mariah and Aidan were fighting and Aidan's like, oh, he starts yelling at Toya. And then when you say yells at Toya, Eugene turns around and Eugene starts to yell. He's like, wait a second. And he's like, turns his body out. I get all his math turns around and you can see Aidan just sort of like received back. Oh, okay, well, the hook is going away now. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I'm sorry. The hook is, the hook is, the hook is back at the much all six of them. Yeah, the hook is scared of people who are bigger than him. Yeah. Also, this is really shallow in me to say, I know you're going to be shocked. Plugs, hairplugs. Let me explain something to ball people. If hairplugs work, Bruce Willis would have hair. He's rich as hell. Okay, Aidan, they don't work. Stop it. You look crazy. And especially in those lights, the party, I don't know what those lights were. They were like the interior of the frog ride at Disneyland. What does that call, Mr. Joe's wild ride? There's like the lighting in there. It's like, this is not helping your hair. That's not even Costco quality rug right there. That is bad, bad, bad rug. Also, someone asked about Mariah being on Housewives of Atlanta. I don't know. I don't think it's like, I don't think so, because I've been shooting now and I haven't heard anything about it. Yeah, she's not. Yeah. Fuck her. Fuck her. So do you, Donnie. So, as Mariah's continuing to go on and on about this, that no one visit her, then she then she starts going after Quads, she's like, fix your face, fix your face. And Quads like, I bought you flowers and damn balloons. Yeah, Quads. Quads who suddenly like the pacifist and all of this, she's like, I don't understand why I'm over. She's so calm. She's like, who's Darth Vader from the Verizon? No, that's Morgan Freeman from Verizon. Wait, is it Morgan Freeman from? No, his Darth Vader. James Earl Jones. Yeah, that seems quad-a-wise. She's like James Earl. She's like, well, I don't understand what has happened to Mariah. But Quads was annoying because all I've done is buy her balloons. I'm like, shut up. I'm not going to Verizon. Well, what I also hate is that she used a prop and she does this like once a season. She's like, what else does she want from me? Does she want my head on a platter and she picks up like a piece of platter in barrel? I was like, oh, that's annoying. Don't do that quad. Don't pre-plant. I mean, they all do platter. So I was like, Frito crumbs from the craft services table. Does she want my head on the platter? And by the way, that didn't actually make the joke any funnier like you actually brought a platter. It makes it worse. It made it worse. It's like the one where she was, she put on the queen and she's like, he lacks queen. So I'm a queen. I'm like, oh, you just made this so much worse. And the thing is this, the prop, like when she says this, she want my head on a platter. Like, that's an expression. So there's no inherent comedy about saying head on a platter and then shorting a platter. It's like, if maybe the prop made the joke was like the punchline, but... Or like, put the wig on a platter and just have that, you know, something. I'm like, well, I need to work for these shows, okay? I need to be one of the people behind the camera, like, really? Did you see the evidence? Did you see the evidence? So then, so then they all, they all went home. And then the, you could tell the producers were excited. Like, yes, now we can do our starting of the day montage where they have the public domain pop song. I was like, it's getting the day started. Make it thing happen. Check it on everyone. Like, Miss Simone is checking charts at the office and Lisa Nicole is putting up hangers like, and the day is started. Lisa Nicole. Lisa Nicole's finally got employees that she likes, like her new employees. Like, well, hello, Miss Lisa. You're the most popular person I've ever met in my life. How do you juggle all of this? Lisa's like, kids, a husband, a career, hangers facing the wall. It's time that I juggle. And she juggles like this. This is how Lisa Marie, I mean, what do I call it? Lisa Marie, Lisa Nicole's juggling like this. She's like, I juggle. It's a juggle. And she's like, you are amazing, Lisa Nicole. Quad's like the only thing that I juggle all a bunch of houses in Stahler. I juggle patterns because I've already brought this for the day. Juggle time. She's like, please don't throw platters in my store. I just got a new staff. The only thing up in the air is quad and the dab deal and Jill has the only thing up in the air is a planner out. I hope I get to go to Australia so I can see some of those platypuses. Gravity has messed with me. And I'm going to make it. Honey, did I just discover this is a plot? I just fell right on my head. All right. So anyway, how much do we have to talk about? I hate this. It's not much like Mariah. Okay. So, um, so then, okay. Let's get to where the party where Mariah shows up on meth. All right. So, okay. Well, that's what we're doing. So first, okay. So, quads husband is getting recognized. The work he's done with the mental health industry, aka being able to endure an entire trip with his bitches. I think that's why that's working in the mental health industry right there. Heavenly doesn't want to go to heroes and health care. I love that every event that quads does. Pups and Paris and she doesn't health care. Everything is going to be something else good. Platters in the kitchen. Or the bath will start with the same letter like heroes and health care. Pups and princesses. What is it? Platters and puppetry. It's like my husband is being recognized for the work he does. And I'm like, you are recognizing him to stop. We are going to go that email out. We are going to be making a trip to Texas to go to shoes and street port to Texas, Louisiana. I like that Toria immediately gets there. She's like, it's so pretty in here. They had a why? Who does that? And it ain't an open bar. Well, she's right though. She is right. Toria was the voice of reason. She's an idiot, but she's not a liar. But it was a janky event. But what was funny was that it was held in this mansion, but it was not the right venue for date because when they did their ceremony, they were in the foyer, crammed around. Not everyone could see it. She's like in front of the fireplace with like track lighting overhead. We've seen a lot of janky events in Atlanta on these shows. And this was one of the janky's. I mean, why not why not do it outside? Or why did they not do it in like a ballroom or whatever? They were just in some mansion. It was just very poorly organized. And the fact that they ran out of red wine. And then they had to pay for their clubs. And then it was like, dreams are complimentary until nine p.m. So good. Honey, are we in Pubson, Paris, or? Rappers in. Rappaport, Michael. Come on, Rappaport, come on, Rappaport. Come on, the Rappaport's rappers, honey. It's so funny. Stupid, stupid parties, stupid thing. And then all the awards were different. Were they nominated and then they win? Is that it? No, it was just they were just honored. Because people kept saying like, I'm so glad to be nominated. I'm like, wait, you have to show up to see when if you if there's like a better doctor than you. And who judges that have his quad judge. It looks like a press conference. Yeah, right. It didn't even look like it. So then outside, the best part was Toya's looking at this Gerato. She's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A pool. Oh, Jim. I want to keep. Oh, Jim, I want to pool. I want to go out. Give me a pool. He's like, we don't even have a house. But there's a ball. Give me a bar. I want to go outside. I want to have a ball. And he's like, Toya, I want to stop. She's like, listen, you know, I just only have a big, big purse. Okay. And I was really half old up, but then he got me a Louis plus and now I can't stop. So it's your fall. Oh, Jim, you got to be addicted. Don't you understand the addiction? He's got like Frito. He's got like Frito powder on his lips. I know. He understands addiction, Toya. Yours just cost a lot more. Okay. Get addicted to somehow hose and stop shopping. She's like, okay, I'll consolidate. I'll have a pool with a bar inside of me. Same thing. Just get a kiddie pool with a with a bar, just make it out of stone and rocks and big a hole for it. So then, so then here comes the fun part of the episode was that Eugene and Toya were like playing mood, I did the playing roulette or something, whatever they're doing. And then Toya walks in and Toya's like, I don't Toya. Um, Mariah walks in and she's like, Oh, look at that. Picking. He's like, Oh, what's the name of saying we think she was doing like facial movements or neck movements and not saying anything but Oh, she's serving you. See now. And then just like, and she's like, oh, we're supposed to be angry at each other. Right. And he's like, well, last time I saw you, you will go to my house. Yeah. Yeah. Are you going to apologize for your whole family? Well, I'm not going to apologize for you. Not visiting me in the hospital. Oh my God. Mariah. These people voted you out of the group and now you want them to visit you at the hospital. Like enough. But then Mariah brings up all the stuff from a season ago or two seasons ago about how her daughter was adopted. And yeah, I'd forgotten about that. They had Toya ruined her daughter because she said in the beauty shop that her daughter was adopted. Yeah. Meanwhile, they should say they go back to show another clip of it. And the truth is Toya may have gossiped about it unwittingly, but it was Mariah's sister who brought it up on camera. We never would have even known about the Mariah's sister. I know. Hadn't talked about it on camera. Yeah. So she put it on camera on purpose. And in fact, that's what Toya said. Toya was the one Toya said, like, I didn't know it was you put it out the forever one. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Yeah. And then the second Mariah is pretty wrong, which is like every second because nothing she says is true. Then she starts with the whole she's like, Oh, really? Well, did I put it out there when I was miscarrying my children and you weren't in the hospital. And then she does this like little shimmy thing. Like she's right. She's like, hmm. So then they start like swimming does not make you right. Okay. As the entire courts of 42nd street doesn't change the thing. So then, so then they start to fight and then quad comes in. The women, the women come and break them up and quad is pushing toy over the side. And the aid in comes in. He's like, what happened? And Mariah, who looks like she's wasted her eyes are like blazed over. She's like talking about questions. Mm. She came and got toya. T-t-t-o-y-a toya got toya got toya got toya and got toya. And then she started doing this. Yeah. She was shaking her hair so hard that you saw the we I'm not even kidding. You see the like the we've worked sewn? Like you see the seam because she's shaking her head so hard. And also when she's confronted and she's wrong, she started doing this drunk face. Yeah. But it was like Popeye. My friend just had a baby and it makes Popeye face when it pops. It goes like this. That's Mariah. Whenever somebody says something that proved her wrong, she'd be like. Yeah. Mariah, she's awful. She's so, she would be better if she took some accountability for her for what she contributed to this, but she is so petually the victim. She's the worst. I mean, there were, it was me that they voted her out, but it's, it's not what I'm doing. She totally earned that. And then to totally use a double miscarriage against people as a weapon is not cool because you were a bitch a year ago. How does that make any sense? Yeah. Stupid. Crazy. The arch. Exactly. Yeah. So she's having this fit and acting like a total victim. And I have to hand it to this cast because they were like, who cares? Yeah. No one gave her any, no one paid her any mind except toya. Yeah. And toya is just trying to get another season so she can get a, get a bar on a pool, let's say. And even Simone's like, well, maybe she needs to go away again. Yeah. It's like, whoa, why don't you re-work and straight that vote? Yeah. Since you were the one who did it. Wasn't she the one who did it? Simone. Simone. Yeah. And she's like, you know, she's doing it in a gentler way. Like, maybe now instead of kicking her out, we need to ask her to leave. We'll just let her vote herself. So Mariah comes in, screams to everybody, accuses them of being monsters, says double miscarriage a lot, makes pop off by face while almost barfing all over the place, shows her weave, and then finishes, meanwhile, Aiden's pacing around her, like a barking little chihuahua with a bad rug on. Here comes the hook. And then she's like, well, she's just that little jerk thing with her head when she's talking to us and the pop off face. She's like, I don't know if I can ever forgive these ladies or I'll ever allow them back in my life. I'm like, baby, they kicked you out. Then ignored you during a double miscarriage, if you brought up. I don't think they're looking for you back. No one invited you here in the first place. And then when you left, no one chased you out. It's a fuck out of here. I mean, like, I'll let Mariah be hurt. I think she's allowed to be hurt, but that's another thing of being hurt. I've given, no, she's, she'll, I mean, it's hurtful if someone votes you out, but she has also recognized what she contributed to that, that led up to that situation. She's crazy. Yeah, she is a crazy old bitch. It's crazy pop, I bitch. Bye. So was that the season finale? And then the season ended. Was that the end? Yeah. So we have reunion next week. There was like nothing positive. Okay. And then it, I like that they end with this big fight and Mariah's like, almost hit abortion. Sorry. Double miscarriage. Double miscarriage. Me and me. And then it cuts, they're like commercial. And then it cuts back and it's like positive music. It's like, women are friends or whatever their stupid song is. And all the women are gathered around like, oh, that's crazy. Remember Popeye? Screaming about her double whatever. And then they're all trying to say positive things. And Jackie goes, well, what I think is that we all need to learn to just close our mouths. It'll keep you surrounded by more friends. It'll also keep you thinner. If it isn't you, a good shut up show. I love this show. Is there going to be a reunion? Yeah. Part one is next week. I'll have to say, heavenly, great hair and makeup for not going to a party. Yes. I want to go to this party. And they start talking in this high voice. It's like, I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. So good. I know I would have to say home with you in a morning day. That does it for us. Oh, my God. You made it to another week. How long was that? I don't even know because it's cut off and shit. Is this still recording? Please still be recording. Oh, it is. It is. It is telling my computer is still recording. Anyway, guys, thank you so much for being here. I'm periscope. What blue hearts to you. Thank you guys so much for being with us and supporting us. You know, the use Facebook.com forward slash watch for crap ins. We're almost at 5,000 likes. Who is going to be the 5,000th person to like us on Facebook? Whoever you are, you will be a very special person. I love you guys. Sorry, I'm going to get to read enough of those, but you see how it is when I start reading other things. Yeah. Everyone on Patreon. I'm sorry. I'm periscope. I want to announce that we started with about 120 viewers, and now we're down to 41s. Well, I'm married to Madison. I've been married to meds. So for the 42 people who suck with us, thank you so much. We had a if you miss this, by the way, if you want to watch this on periscope, it's going to still be there. Yeah, we want to take it down. There's two. Yeah, heart one and part two. We don't take them down. And we will do our bonus episode this day. And we're also having our live Google Hangout on Thursday. So calm there. We love you guys. Thank you so much. Yeah. Close up. Close up. Turn it off right down. What do I do? Double finger and push it down. Push it down. Now press the star. Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere using your phone or tablet. The best part. Next issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to next issue dot com forward slash crap ins. Again, you can try next issue for free right now when you go to next issue dot com slash crap ins. Get over there and read some people, y'all. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new YouTube channel called wait for it. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schlesinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there. And I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here and it's funny and I love you. To the insurance company that's spurned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting Geico. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. 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