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Again, you can try next issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com/crapins. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Your Crapins, the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch and then talk about right here on this podcast. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast, and I'm happy to talk to you all about the podcast that we're talking about today, so thank you so much for your support. I'm only on negative thought number 13 of 40 to 50, so I'm going to fill up your negative thought tank, Ben. For people who are listening for the first time, I am not a negative thinker. That's a Shannon Badour reference, and joining me as usual is the wonderful and positive thinker Roni Karam from trashocktv.com. What a wonderful use of your emotions. Thank you all for listening to us. You can follow us on social media stuff like Instagram and Twitter and things like that by just going to watchyourcrapins.com and all the links are right there, so just go there, copy and paste, and then chief among those is our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchyourcrapins, which when we say it's our Facebook page, it's kind of like our as in Roni and I and all the listeners because it has become a really big community hub of Bravo stuff. I mean, the amount of links, the amount of information, the amount of funny shit that's up there, screen caps, et cetera, trumps anything that's on this show. So if you haven't liked that page, go ahead and like it because there's a lot of fun stuff on there, especially if you're a Bravo head. That's right. It's its own little Bravo Real Housewives hub of crap, there's lots of crap about everybody on here. It's its own ecosystem. It's like in fourth grade when you put like mud and like some plants in a jar and then close the lid and it becomes its own little ecosystem. That's what our page is like. Yes, it is. It's actually really fun and I'm reading it now because you mentioned it. Isn't that funny how advertising works? Yes, it's so persuasive even amongst even amongst the advertisers themselves. So when you're done, let's talk a bit about it. Okay. I'm back Melbourne, by the way, I'm so sick of doing Melbourne accents without actual Melbourne. I know. Well, it's okay because now we have ladies of London and that we've got our British accents going in the meantime. But also, of course, another thing from our podcast that you can support us by going to patreon.com/watchworkrapins and that's Patreon spelled P-A-T-R-E-O-N. It really means a lot. When you guys support us, it really means more than you can even imagine, even if it's just like a dollar a month, Ron and I put in a lot of work for this podcast. We watch the shows and then when we do our record with this is like usually two hours every like twice a week plus then there's the bonus episode and we do our hangouts and keeping tabs on the Facebook page and all the notes, et cetera, et cetera. So it's a lot that goes into this podcast. So when people support us through Patreon, it really means a lot to us because, you know, it feels good. Yeah, thank you guys. Feels good. Feels good. We appreciate it. We're adding even more features which will announce next week and more extras and stuff like that. So we love it. Yeah. It's a great way to spend your time making fun of a dumb TV, you know. It's a great way to spend a couple days a week. It is. So, you know, it's just it's this is our way of saying thank you for those of you who've been supporting and thank you if you are going to support us and that you're supporting so much more than just two assholes watching TV. You know what I'm saying? So you're also supporting my dog Bueller. Yes. Very grateful. Two assholes on a dog. Two assholes in a bitch. Yeah. A male bitch. Mueller has definitely gained some Patreon weight. Okay, so that's I think all our plugs, right? Yeah. More plugs for the day. That was more plugs than my husband. So my other little job is running trash talk TV which makes fun of TV shows all year round into the written form and we're having auditions right now. So if any of you, you know, need somewhere to put your bitchiness, please come to trash talk TV and audition because we've got a ton of people entering and a lot of funny people and it's a lot of you guys which fits, you know, bitchy people, birds of a bitch feather, darling. Birds of a bitch feather. Birds of a bitch feather together. What sort of what sort of bird is that over there? Oh, it's one of the it's a spotted bitch. It's northeastern spotted bitch. Well, we have some more honest titling in this world. We would call birds shit like that. Like those Grackle. Those evil. Grackle. Oh, Grackle's. Those things are evil. And I cannot believe they're not named evil bitch birds. There's a grackle. The Grackle is a pretty bad name. I never even knew about the Grackle till I went to Austin. I was like, what the fuck is up with these nasty birds people in L.A. don't believe me. And I've seen a couple of Grackle's here. Watch out because the Grackle's takeover. By the way, you realize that the Grackle is a very scary name. It sounds like it's a mythological beast that haunts you at night. The Grackle is coming. It's a misspelled dessert topping that cracks like that crackle or whatever. Like you pour it on your ice cream and then it cracks later. It hardens up. Yeah. Well, it's actually the best of the Hershey's miniatures that somehow does never appear outside of miniature form. You know, crackle. Oh, or spackle like at Home Depot, which suddenly they're attacking all of the other birds and pushing them off the wires and killing them. So they can have a better view. That's crackle. Right. I never thought they seemed cute and innocent. The very first time I saw a Grackle in July, I was like, oh, this is a bad bird. You know what I think is actually is a cute innocent bird that has a very bad rap? It's a crow. I think crows are hilarious. Have you ever walked by a crow? They just sit there and go, they're like this sad, like, hey, like, no one likes me. It wasn't a crow, the one that figured out in that famous fable how to put more stones in the water. So the water would rise to the top of the glass and get his beak in there to drink it. I mean, crows come on, you guys, crows are, crows are smart. Crows are smart. And the thing is that everyone like shits on crows are like, ooh, they're ravens. They represent death. They're the goofiest little bird. I once saw, I saw a video last month of a crow taunting a dog. It was hilarious. I mean, what sort of, I mean, it was just, you know, the crow is just doing its thing. Oh, it all comes back to dog hating. You know, you're like, oh, I saw it abusing a dog. I love it. No, I don't see one eat a baby or something. You'll be like, let's make posters of crows. No, no, I, I, I don't like it, but I thought it was like funny because it was like that is I thought the bird had a lot of personality. Oh, you're my hero, crow, but they, but they, they just sort of have this like sad, like, they're, they're kind of like the nerds of the bird world, you know, people hate them. And, but they had no one really gives them a shot. And if they did, they would see that they're, they're all right. Well, people are going to start rooting for the crows because the Grackle is a gigantic turkey looking crow. It's a big, big, huge version of a crow. And so people are going to be like, whatever happened to the good old fashioned crow crows are going to have their day. Don't you worry. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, this has been a great show. Watch for crows. Oh, my God. We've got a lot to talk about today, Ben speaking of crows, we have, we have some shows, we have some shows featuring some old crows, some old crow, some old crowns, some old crones, mold cronies. I interrupted you, you were going to say what we're going to talk about today, but I'll just say it, which is that we are going to welcome back with open arms. The ladies of London, and we are going to talk about below deck. And I believe we're going to talk about my fab 40th. This may be the last time we talk about it, I think, right? Am I, is that a spoiler alert? I think that's officially done for the watch with crannons. I think that was a show that it's didn't even start out with like that much potential, but it had a spark of potential. And no, it's just when you can even make like desperate, sad, clinging to their youth gay guys boring, it's like that's, that's a train wreck right there. That's like the slowest, saddest, droopiest train wreck I've ever seen. Yeah, this is really, this is, this is a show, you know, thank God ladies of London is, is back. So that way our Tuesday episodes can be below deck and ladies of London because who my career was better. And all I did was eat a hot and ready $5 pizza from Little Caesars to get high and it was still better than this show. And you're like, this pizza is fierce. It's a fierce pizza ladies and gentlemen, please welcome train and a slice of pizza. This show would be amazing if they just had that lady. If it was like millionaire matchmaker with her doing 40 year old birthdays, it would be great. Yeah, it should just be that woman's arena. But anyway, let's not, let's start with the, let's start with the good stuff. Which is the return of LOL, ladies of London. How happy were you to have this show back? Um, I love, I love judging Americans and I love watching people who are probably better than Americans, judge Americans too. Yes. I love it even more. This show, it's only been the one episode, but I already feel like it's better than season season one because season one had had too many Americans. And this time around, there's only two Americans, oh, no, there are three Americans, never mind. But like last season, there was Caprice, there was Noel, um, there were four Americans last season. Cool. Cool. Cool. All right. All right. But there's, uh, last season, there was Juliet, there's Marissa, there's Caprice. And there was Noel. And then the Brits was just, it was just Caroline and Annabelle, right? Yeah. So it really was not that British. But this time around, there are, there's more, there are more Brits. Well, this, uh, having so many Americans is hilarious because I just cringe every time. Like the hallway fight, you know, it's like you're fighting at a party full of rich British skinny ladies. Like, oh, what are you doing? Do you know how hard it is to be skinny in America really hard, quadruple that in, uh, over there? Yeah. Because they can't eat healthy, even if they wanted to, they're just left to starvation. They don't have vegetables there. All right. They don't have vegetable stamps. They have things made of flour. And that's it. Yeah. Yeah. You know what, like Britain's one of their most famous cooking shows is two fat ladies. Okay. It's not called two skinny ladies, two fat ladies, because they cook everything in lard and butter out there. And you know, this is the land of clotted cream and scones and Yorkshire Puds and all that stuff. I mean, that takes some effort. It's a good old fashioned starvation. All right. That's not like veganism. So just shut up America. And also, you know, that big fat ladies show, I think that's still one of the most popular shows. And I think those bitches both died of heart disease. And they were so happy. Oh, well, they were fun. They died with a smile on their face and a triple, you know, coffin. Let's watch again, darling. It's like, oh my God. Yeah. That's true. Oh, I love those women. Um, the other one, the other one just died like in the past year or two, I think. I know. Yeah. I'm not to be insensitive or anything. You know, they died happy. They don't know. And the point is, you know, you've got to respect the skinny women here because they're angrier because they're not eating. And you know what? I say, go for it. Yes. So here's what's different about the cast this season. No caprice. No, no, well, uh, Julie, their name's Julie, right? Yeah, Julie is now a full time cast member. She was a friend of last season and, oh, Julie, darling, Julie, you've already taught us the most important lesson we need to know in dating. Don't marry for a title, marry for money, gold card girl. She was. Yeah. That was, you know, when she said, uh, well, we'll get to that. So then the, but we also have a new British woman also named, we have two carolines basically. So we have two carolines in Annabelle and then three Americans. So that's our new cast right now. And the episode opened up. I was already, honestly, I was already laughing out loud just in the first like 10 seconds when they show Caroline Stansbury getting a spray tan and woman spray. You just see her, she just slowly across the forehead, slowly, and then it comes to her getting to her car. She goes, go forward. I was like, God, I love her. She's such a bitch. She's just bossing around everybody and everything. She doesn't spray. All right. Lighten up on the spray button or heavy on the spray button. All right. Dry me. 15 degrees up north. I'm just made for the children, make toast for the children. I don't hear a toast that being is the toast on the toaster must be on eat child eat open mouth, closed mouth. Yeah, that's it. It's almost too many words. She just uses as, she's as economical as possible, toast, breakfast, forward, open, digest across the forehead again. So that was part of like the, this new thing that bravo shows do, except from the house house, which is that there's like a montage of what the ladies are up to. So then we cut to Annabelle, rock and roll Annabelle, who's the, you know, she's the muse of Alexander McQueen. She's so rock and roll. And they cut to her cleaning all her old lady toys like an old musket like an tea set rock and roll. She's like, hopefully it'll be a good day and I'll see her hen and I'll shoot it. And they hit and then make it if I can after the accident. I'm going to have some oolong tea today because I'm rock and roll. So funny. Well, I have to say Annabelle has finally learned about conditioner. I don't know who told her, but that bit has shiny conditioned hair. Congratulations. Finally. Welcome to American TV. Alexander left in his suicide note, do you know all this cruel world is too much for me to deal with? And also Annabelle, please use some conditioner. So to respect his final wishes, this is for you, Alexander. I'm obsessed with being a tough mother this year. So I've got a gun and it goes bang and I've also got bangs, I miss you Alexander. This year's collection would have been all about bangs. Yeah. So then we start seeing stuff around London and by the way, it like instantly made me want to go to London, which is strange. I've never really had that feeling before and I'm, you know, obviously we see tons of stuff that takes place in London, but I was like, Oh my God, I want to go to London right now. I was like in it. I was in the mood. I was ready for the show. Oh, I never want to go to London because it's too expensive. I've watched selling London on TV and it is too expensive. No, thank you. Yeah. So if anyone wants to donate to our London fund, thanks. Live so in London. Yeah. Do you imagine how that would go over? Oh my God. Yeah, exactly. Actually, you know, the English are the best at taking the piss as they call it. Yeah. They love it. They love it. They do. They do. They do. They do. They do. They do. They do. They do. They do. They do. So if anyone wants to donate to our London fund, thanks. Just kidding. Live so in London. Valentina. Valentina. Valentina. Valentina. I'm like, you know that that's glass, right? Nobody can hear you through those walls. It's like, why can't I hear everybody, but nobody can hear me. There's glass there, Caroline. And then she switches to someone else. She's like, Pauline, what's wrong with the stock room? Pauline. Have you spoken to Valentina? Valentina. Fine, Pauline. Pauline. Valentina. Pauline. I could have watched that for an hour. Pauline. Get Valentina. Valentina. Pauline to get you. I'd like to thank Pauline. Can you call Pauline back in here? Call Pauline. Call her. Pauline. I'm at the end of the hallway. Forward. Left. Right. Very good. Pauline. Stock room. Now. Caroline's such a bitch. And where is it proudly, which I love? Yes. She even has an office chair desk or an off way, an office desk chair. Sorry. An office desk chair that's tall on purpose. It's like all at the height is all the way up. So you've been sitting down. She's taller than everybody. Yeah. And what is she? What is the sign? We're looking down on you during this stock meeting. And what's her neon sign say above her head like, you know, I'm nice. Be nice. Be nice. And she is amazing. The first year she's like, my employees got me that to remind me, unfortunately, it's behind me. Pauline. Could you dust the sign? Pauline. Valentina. Get Pauline. Does she have a duster? Okay. Pauline. Slowly. Slowly. Faster now. I'd appreciate it if you talk to me like this sign silently behind me so I don't have to deal with it. Thank you, darling. Love her. Valentina. Could you please get another sign that says don't so that we could put it next to be nice. Thank you. This show is so good. Okay. So it's not just her being a bit the whole time. Unfortunately. Yeah. The first person you talk to of course is Marissa. Oh, yeah. A newish. She's like, hi. British accent. Yeah. I bet you are. And I have a thicker fake. London ox-aunt. Yes. She's like, well, now that Noel is gone, she has to do the British word every five words. I love, by the way, that Marissa is getting the evil edit this season because last season she was just nice and she's trying to bake nice with everyone and she's like, whatever. I'm just like, I have pumpkin. This season she is like, I made you a birthday cake with a turkey on it, you know? Yeah, school this year, she's like, going to part as really difficult. And it takes a lot of practice with the different people like you have to put a lot of effort into it. And I have done the work. So I've done that. Like, what have you earned like, she's like, earned a, like a nicer invite. She's like, I'm now on the premium invite list. It's not the free version. She's, she's like, I'm basically Queen Elizabeth, basically. She's like, I've gone from a vice to piccolo's pose. Wow, Marissa, you're a climbing girl. I have made a turkey heart for the Duchess of, you know, what's her name's baby coming out Kate, Kate Middleton's baby next baby. I made a turkey heart for it because I'm on such good terms with some of the people on her staff. Before this even started, I was dying because they were showing, they're like, this season on ladies, a wounded, and then they show like the coming up scenes. And it's that Julie chick just sobbing and every scene and being insane. And then they cut to every time she's sobbing, they cut to Annabelle who's looking at her like, ew, ew, like she's just totally disgusted every time I know. Suck it up. I didn't cry. When Alexander died, you're still crying about that horror. Shut up. I know. Well, that takes us to our first scene. Annabelle and Julie were driving up to what was it? Mapperton. Mapperton. Mappeton. And you know what I love about this show? They just drive by Stonehenge, like it's no big deal. I'm like, that's Stonehenge. That's Stonehenge you just drove by. For some reason that really bothered me. Like I can't believe you guys didn't stop and have like a scene at Stonehenge. Like this is for an American audience. Like how could you not stop there? Julie's like, my husband's family, like they were really big on secretive employees, like putting things in the middle of places and circular shapes for no reason. You know, like I wouldn't be the typical wife of somebody like that, but here I am. Heidi Stone's, you know, like you did it, I don't know. Annabelle's like, this is my favorite part of England because, you know, I'm so rock and roller. It's just a bunch of rocks because I'm so rock. So rock. Look at all these rocks. It's in a circle and rocks roll, you know, circles roll. So this is technically rock and roll. When I was 22, I used to always hang out with Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones back in 1968. And we'd go to, we'd come here to Stonehenge and be like, look at all this rock and roll memorabilia. Why don't you guys call yourselves the Rolling Stones too? And he's like, Sean, I was like, I became the muse for the Rolling Stones. Alexander! Would you like to get stoned? Would you like to do some rock? I mean, these are all phrases that I inspired a bit of time down with. My favorite game is rock, paper, scissors. We used to come here to Stonehenge, but we just call it rock, rock, rock. And then someone says, well, you have a paper and scissors in because we don't know which rock you're on. I was like, fine. Okay. I can roll with that. And then they're like, how about rock and roll? I was like, great. She's like, proper crafting is not rock and roll. Rock, rock, rock the end. All games would never end, we'd just see rock, rock, rock. And then someone said, we're all equals in rock and roll, no win wins. If I ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Roshan, though. But Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh. My favorite to us hard is Rosh Hashanah. Hello, are you going to come over for Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh Hashanah? You know, when I go out and do karaoke, I like to sing Paul Abdul's seminal hit, Rosh, Rosh. But then I have a third Rosh just to make it more me, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh, Rosh. So Annabelle and Julie are friends now because Julie, I mean Julie's crazy, like Julie's going to be nice. Honestly, Julie's one of those ladies who's so stressed out because she's like an actual mom who has to work with like tons of children, or four tons of children I guess I should say. So she's like literally stressed out and about to lose it any moment of the day. And so she's going to be nice to anybody who will listen to her. I know. I actually like, I feel like Julie in real life would be super fun to hang out with. But she'd also be the kind of person who probably dumped like one too many emotional issues on you. You have to be like, I don't know, Julie, just like, just move on, you know. And she's like, I know, but like, you know, you get to get that feeling, right? But then she's so fun to go out with. I know I'm supposed to love them because I gave birth to them, but I do not work for them. But it's like being bussed around by a five year old, one of them criticized my hot chocolate the other night. I just feel useless like you know that she's that girl, you know, and I'm friends with many of her. Yeah, I know exactly it on all those voicemails from the unanswered calls. So Julie. So Julie and Annabelle go walking around Maperton and we meet Julie's husband, who's the future Earl of Sandwich, LOL, ladies to London. And what I love is that like Annabelle starts talking about Maperton. She's like, Oh, I remember back in the day, we had many naughty parties at Maperton. I mean, really naughty stuff. I'm like, what, what could have, what could have adventures like, you know, sometimes we drink tea without doilies, you know, it's crazy, crazy naughty at Maperton. One time at Maperton, we all had tea. And instead of putting sugar cubes in it, we put leaf sugar. Everyone went crazy. One time, instead of having scones, we had muffins, it was just divine. It was a moist day at Maperton, because on a Maperton stays at Maperton that goes all the doily secrets. I felt so bad for Julie, actually this entire show every time they showed her. I was like, no, she just got her roots done, but they're like, not right. Like she, she bleached her, she bleached her actual head. Oh, she needs help. It looked like someone poured an entire two liter bottle of Mountain Dew on her head and just let it dry. It was just like this fluorescent yellow poured, poured Julie. You know, she did it herself in the bathroom, you know. Oh, it wasn't, it wasn't manic panic. It was just called panic. It was like, put this on and then panic. It was like the right aid version of something. I know. But I felt bad for her because, I mean, hair aside, because she's like, yeah, you know, like no one would think that I would be a lady, but here I am. Here's Maperton. I sweep here. I do all the books. I do the gardening. I clean. I clean the toy. I'm like, oh no, this is like one of those things where the husband, you know, it's lineage. So you have to do all this shit. It's not like congrats. You get a castle. It's like congrats. Here's your fucking chain that's going to be around your neck your entire life. You're never going to make a penny and all you have to do is make sure that this church is clean in case one of the distant cousins tries to get married, kill me. Exactly. Like we've all seen down now, but we understand the pressures of maintaining. But what I what I loved was that this gets back to what we're saying before when Julie was talking about how when she first met Luke, and she's like, well, when I first met Luke, I didn't know he had a title, but then he pulled out a gold Amex card. I was like, I can't believe you just said that on TV like that she tried to make it sound like they had like she tried to make it sound like a coy thing. And she's like, Oh, why is your name saved this count? And he's like, it's by count. Don't you dare sit in front of my parents. She's like, I'm like, you realize that saying that the gold card was a pivotal moment in the spark is pretty much just as bad as you saying it like if you were to said it was because of his title. In fact, I would have respected you more if you said it was because of his title. Of course you're going to go after him because of his title. Of course. Yeah. Well, I think why do you think the title is there? I think everybody's used to like marrying for money because that seems to be the job market. Yeah. But, you know, you're not supposed to just marry for a title, darling. Yes. Something you're born into with your titles. Get out of here. A bunch of people who never did shit and don't do shit and just sit there and get like money for doing nothing like congratulations. What is the queen done lately? Nothing. She sat there and farted. Okay. She just became like yesterday at I think truly yesterday or on Tuesday. The longest reigning monarch in the history of England. Well, please. She did that. She lived. She existed. Okay. I've seen all the movies about the queen and Walmart greeters have more of a job description than the queen. Well, I was there and we'll smelly clothes and doesn't do anything. Excuse me. She inspires national pride for that country. I will support HRH. Did you say HRH queen Elizabeth or just HRH Elizabeth or not? I don't know. It was not a bank. No. HRH is her royal highness. Oh, I think. I forget. I'm a little rusty on my elated vagina job. Either way, either way, I think I think I think if you say you married someone for their title, I think or you start or you became attracted to someone because their title, I would support that. I mean, isn't everyone after they're Prince Charming? There is no one's after no one's after they're Mr. Charming. Okay. Everyone's after Prince Charming. All right. There is no such thing as Prince Charming, doesn't everybody know that? You know, have you seen one wealthy person who's just like, my husband's great. That's been lasting more than 10 years. That's true. Well, you know, I have hopes for Kate Middleton and you know, Prince William, I have hopes. Well, I do too. You know, he started Prince Charming it pretty, or Charlesing it pretty early. So, but then again, you know, it's like we've, or I've said on the show a zillion times, like you can't date an ugly or guy. I think he's going to cheat on you less than a hot guy. There's like a certain desperation that comes along with being ugly that kind of makes it more exciting, you know, like at least a hot guy would be picky or if he's going to get to cheat and ugly guy will cheat with like a, you know, like a cow that looks at him the right way, you know, you're never safe is what I'm saying. Could you imagine if like you end up in a romance with a royal? Do you know what's, so can I tell you a funny story that's not really a story, but my friend she used to work at Sony and she was in Sony London. This is last year and she and what's her face, what's the name, what's the name of the princess or whatever? I say Dolores. It's not Dolores. Crazy Hat. Fergie? No, not Fergie. She was at Cape Middleton's wedding. They've always got crazy hats. No, she had, she had a particularly crazy one from Kate Middleton and from the wedding from the royal wedding. I don't know. I mean, right. I'm crazy hat. Crazy hat. Kate Middleton. Wedding. Watch. I'm going to do it. I'm just going to come up. Everyone, everyone listening at home is going to be like, Oh, here's a picture. It's like a, it was a iconic photo. I'm going to be at home saying that I'm over and over and over. Princess Beatrice. Princess Beatrice. Okay. So Princess Beatrice decided to do some weird internship at Sony and she was seated directly next to my friend Jacqueline. They would like just, they would sit next to each other and then they'd go and have like take like lunch breaks together, go get lunch and the paparazzi would follow them. And my friend said it was the strangest thing because they'd be like chatting over lunch and be like, Oh, what'd you do this weekend? And she's like, Oh, I went to my grandma's house, you know, up in Scotland, whatever. And she's like, Oh my God, her grandma's queen Elizabeth. It's so weird. Isn't that the strangest thing? I wish I could have been in that, in that office. I don't know. You know, my, my low opinion of all of the real family comes from, well, not only the princess die stories, because we got like quite a view into that, into that family from those stories, but also from the movie is about the queen. Have you seen the movie where I'm trying to think who even played her? I don't know. One of the, you know, one of the queen ladies. Yeah. One of them. That was the queen. And the queen is so depressed. Like she just sits around all day doing nothing, feeling miserable. And that's her entire life. And then they're like, queen, you must make it out to the stables today because the horses miss you. And she's like, I didn't want to see the horses. Like, but you must. And she's like, I will see the horses. And then she takes like an hour to button up her fucking overcoat. And then she goes and she stares at the horses and she's like, ah, the horses pleased. And they're like, yes, clean. I was like, what the hell kind of life is this? How's the queen not? A good life. A good life. She's just like sitting around in some old mothball smelling. I feel bad for that woman. Wouldn't you rather, wouldn't you rather be walking around, checking on horses with your giant overcoat than having to be like begging people for money on patreon.com? No, because having a job gives you life, Ben. She has a job. She has to go, she has to go visit all these stupid, well, she has to go visit all these different places and had pretend like she cares about everyone that she likes everyone. She's even beyond pretending to care. She's just like, whatever. Well, no, no, she, she cares. It's her husband though. He's the one who's like, whatever. I mean, God, that guy is a crazy old kid. He, I mean, he says some terrible, terrible things. I forget his name too. But you know him. King something. King something. He's not a king. He's. Oh, yeah, he's not. He can't be the king. For some reason, because I don't know why. But he's like, he's like an asshole. And he just says awful things all the time by accident. It's hilarious. Oh, I love how this is turned into how much we don't know about anything. Yeah, I know. Well, it's a good segue to start talking about Juliet. So, oh, yeah, speaking of Juliet, it's like, I'm doing really good. I've got like a Baroness friend and I've got, I know a pencils and my birthday is on Thanksgiving this year. So things are really great right now. And by the way, have you noticed that like all these women at one point during the show, they're like, well, my husband's gone four days of the week. My husband's gone four or five days a week. We don't like it. I'm like, do you? All these women are getting cheated on. That's what I'm going to say. All of them. All of them. Yeah. Juliet was sure to add well, he's gone a lot, but at least we can FaceTime whenever I call him. It's like whenever that he's like, Oh, I've got to pick up. Hold on a second. It's Juliet. Trust me. It's just easier to pick up. I'll be in the bath. There's some questions. Just doing nothing, not getting my, no, getting my penis Polish by a stranger from a ball. How you doing, darling? How the children? She's like, where can I get a lean cuisine out here? I don't know, darling, just do a Google search. I've looked everywhere. This means a lot to me, this means a lot to me and my family. Honey, I can't find for onions. Just keeps liking, darling. Honey, do you know where I can rent a Parker Posey movie? I'm your sister. Doesn't she look like Parker Posey kind of? A little bit. She's like, honey, where can I get a Cadbury cream egg? Well, they're everywhere. It's an English brand. No, I want the American version. Well, darling, I don't know what to tell you. They're better out here. No. The client doesn't have corn syrup. What kind of country is this? I just have so many memories of, it's just like it's a tradition, Easter. It's just like, you know, it just reminds me of home. I don't know. If we don't have corn syrup in this, it's not going to feel like home. My kids need to feel like they're at home. Wine are Juliet, so funny. But I think it's also like a legit work like mom who actually has to do stuff. Yeah. I automatically respect her. I mean, I like Julia. Believe it or not. There were so many times where I just want to, I was so embarrassed for her, but I still like her. And, you know, as this season opens up, we learn that she and Marissa are have been up and down. I think there's been friction. And the example that they show of why they have friction is sort of, I don't even remember what it was. It's something like, do you want to order pizza and Marissa's like, oh my god, you're so difficult. And then they come back and it's like, yeah, things have been weird. And then we see Marissa. And this is when we see Marissa accent. She's like, she's like, things that bumpkin is doing phenomenally well, really happy. It's so phenomenal. I'm a business owner, a mother, a wife. I'm really high up in the social scene. I'm, I'm basically like winning everything, like everything's great. She's, yeah, that's, yeah, exactly. She starts really, like, patting herself on the back because she starts talking about how she's putting together this Thanksgiving dinner. And she's like, you know, I love party planning. It's, you know, it's what I do best. You know what? When I party plan, it's like watching an artist do what she does best. Like shut up. Art. You did a dinner. You're doing a dinner party. Okay. It's Thanksgiving. Guess what? You know who else can do Thanksgiving? Every single other family in America. You're bringing food to a restaurant. Wow. Picasso. Wow. This is Picasso gravy. It doesn't look like it makes much sense, but I'm crazy, so I'll join. And you know, I don't want to, I'm jumping ahead a little bit in the episode. My gravy is totally going to be popular after I'm dead. Just wait for it. You know, there, there are like two types of Thanksgiving. Well, I'll get, you know what? I'll get to the Thanksgiving thing when it comes up to it. So anyway, so she is, she's feeling good about herself and her party planning. And then we, next thing, or at least the next thing in my notes is that Caroline goes to visit Juliet. And so I love this, Caroline's in a car and she's described, because Juliet has now moved south of the Thames and Caroline is describing like the atrocities of having to drive south of the Thames. And she's like, it's like going from Manhattan to New Jersey. I mean, please. She doesn't, just please. You know, I like Juliet and it just feels awful having to drive on this bridge to see her. How disgusting. This is disgusting. It's a bridge. Look at all that dirty water under here. Disgusting. Valentina, Valentina, drive alongside and put up a picture around your car. So it looks like I'm in the north side of the river. I can't, I can't look at the scenery, just put a picture up, a mural up of the, of, of Chelsea and then just drive alongside my window and I can just look at it and Valentina's like, okay, I did it. Can I have lunch now? Yes, Valentina. And that's why you'll never be successful. Pauline, get Valentina her giant lunch that she eats for three hours and then cut her off midway. Like I told you, Pauline, Valentina, here's a piece of bread. You guys decide what to do with it. Spoiler alert, you'll win if you only have a nibble at the end. Spoiler alert, there's never a winner in my office. She goes over to Juliet's poor person house, poor Juliet and Juliet's like, it's great. Like this is how normal people live, you know, people who aren't tripping with money. Like it's still a five million dollar house. It's just not a 15 million dollar house. Like who cares? I'm happy. I'm so happy. This is great. I'm so happy. Are you happy? I'm so happy. I go poor Juliet. I know. Although I did, I have to say, she like, she was having a really fun time torturing Caroline by bringing Caroline down to that neighborhood because Caroline was so unhappy. This was actually like the scene from Big Business, Bette Midler on the subway, spritzing the homeless people around her with perfume. That's what she was doing right there. And she goes, I like when Caroline goes, should I go in and give it a look? She's like, God, no, not hell no. No. Caroline ready. Yeah. It's a smart move. So, but yeah, Caroline's like, this is disgusting. And then we had another car drive that was going, I don't know if it was the same time or if I was just too lazy that I wrote the notes at the same time, but this, this Julie becoming friends with Annabelle was hilarious too, because they were in a car too. Yeah. And Annabelle's like, you are a crazy driver. So that was-- I know I'm American. Yeah, that was over at the when they were driving by Stonehenge, yeah. And Annabelle, I know that this relationship is doomed because Annabelle looks horrified to even be friends with Julie. That's just like, well, we've actually become quite close because after the accident, and then they show like clips of her practicing on a horse for two weeks before falling, she's acting like this woman is acting like she's been riding horses forever and then like got Christopher Reed. That is not what happened. Well, no, she-- You were going to enter some contest and then started getting back in shape and then fell off. You can't like this life time movie where she couldn't speak for five years because your brain wasn't working and now you're like totally-- She did. She didn't have a serious injury. I mean, I'm not going to take that away from her. I mean, she was flung from a horse at high speed. I mean, I don't think-- I mean, it was sort of stupid that she should-- I wasn't even stupid, but it seemed like she was out of her league with that horse, but I mean, I'm not going to take away. She was flung from a horse, Ronnie, and she broke like her back and you're like, wow. Oh, look, I felt bad when she got flung from the horse. You were not giving these ladies anything. You're like Queen Elizabeth. She was. She had to do. Broke her back. Get over it. God, you're tough today. I know. I'm sorry, but I do kind of feel like shut up already with this horse. And she's like, and then from the accident, it's like, bitch, no one made you get on that horse. Stop your whining. It's like last year, all you did was cry about some other person being dead. And now all you're going to do is crying about some horse accident. It's like, I hope for your sake, something else like not poor, you know, like something else happens for you to cry about for next year. Well, she'll probably cry. So happy being unhappy. She's going to probably cry about Thanksgiving because they all, the women all met at this supermarket and they were talking about what to get. And Annabelle just says, she's basically like, I don't understand Thanksgiving food. She's just like, whatever, she's like, I can't deal. And then in Caroline also chimes in when they're talking about this, Caroline tells us in an interview, she goes, Thanksgiving means absolutely zero to me. Yeah. It's like, I love, you know, I have a lot of American friends, but I don't care about Thanksgiving. I hope it powers. Oh, but I'm so sorry because I'm so sorry to do this to you, Ben. I'm all over the place. And I know it. And I'm sorry. I'll get better. But I just wanted to say this about this stupid Annabelle thing. And I won't be evil about her broken back. Sorry. I'm almost going to be like, I have a broken back. How dare you? I'm sorry. I'm not saying it's not a big deal. What I'm saying is, or what I was starting to say before my hatred took me over was that you know, this relationship is doing because Annabelle looks miserable. And the reason that she's friends with her is because she's like, Julie is a real friend. She didn't just come once to visit me. She came over and over and over and I was like, Oh, no. So now she's your friend because she's the one who kissed your butt the most when you were sick. This is not going to end well. That's not what friendship is based on. Julie's like, Hi, it's me again. Are we so friends? Are we so friends? Good. Oh my God. My kids. I know. I was going to say it's like the only thing she could have done, aside from taking care of her kids, it wasn't because she cared about you is because you want to get out of her own house. You had to listen. You couldn't move. It's just like, there's no, like, it's like, there's no wheelchair ramp here. Yay. Okay, let me tell you about the five year old. It's a bastard. Annabelle is probably like, Strange had the back spasms only seem to happen when Julie comes around. I can't wait to walk again so I can get the hell away from this woman. Okay, I will officially start going back. So now, so now the big fight of the episode, the seed, the early seeds of it are planted and it will probably go the entire season. And by the way, I support it because of the exact sort of fight that gets me fired up too. Like I found myself getting a little, little into this fight. So Marissa, as we mentioned before, is hosting Thanksgiving this year. And her plan is to cook the food in her apartment and then bring it down to bumpkin and then everyone can sit around the table in the private room and bumpkin and eat there. Okay, that's her plan. So Marissa is very excited about this because she tells, she's like, I host Thanksgiving every year. So she has now taken ownership of this here. It's traditional. It's tradition. So the thing is that Marissa, oh wait, so Juliet wants to do Thanksgiving her way, which is be at a home. There's food on the table, you lounge on the couch, you watch TV. I have to say, I was sort of on Juliet's side because you know, they're like two camps of Thanksgiving, right? There's the fancy Thanksgiving where everyone shows up in like a tie and sits around a table and it's like very formal or there's like, or there's the lounging one where you sit around and you're in like a sweater or something like that and jeans and you're watching TV and partying and that's like the fun, that's the fun Thanksgiving. I was on Juliet's side. I mean, well, Juliet, first of all, Juliet was not saying let's have it in my house because no one A, no one's going to drive there and B is poor and like she doesn't want to remember remember Thanksgiving that badly like it was in the States. It's like I remember my parents were dirt poor, we would sit around and eat microwave, macaroni and cheese and then unbutton our pants like that sounds like not a very fancy Thanksgiving but I get it, I get it because she's not even saying like come to my house. She's saying Caroline's house feels like home because it's so big and beautiful. It's like bitch, of course it is, it's like a $50 million home. That does not feel like home to you. You've never lived in a $50 million home and you're totally scamming Thanksgiving off of somebody who doesn't even care about it so she's like, well, but that being said, she also is probably really sick of having to always go to bumpkin because you know, like last season Marissa made everything at bumpkin. So I get what she's saying, you know, well, my favorite thing though is that when Marissa kept on going on and on about how she hosts Thanksgiving and she does in this way and people come and that at one point Caroline just again in the interview she just goes, it wreaks of desperation. I love it, she just cuts everything down. Yeah, like trying too hard, wreaks of desperation. It's awful, I feel for her because I like her but you know, it's like a little puppy that has a broken leg and you know, it's still cute but you just know it should be put down. Well, I don't understand why Julia just doesn't do a second Thanksgiving. I've totally done that before when I've had to go to like a Thanksgiving that's not totally ideal and then the next day you do one on a Friday and it's still just as good I have to say. This episode is brought to you in part by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now, you're driving, cleaning and even exercising. 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Yeah, I just, if Julia said look, it's my birthday and I wanted to do this at home. And so I'm going to have like a big home thing and come if you want, don't if you want. I get it. And I wanted to spend it with Marissa's like phony friends. She doesn't like and she's just trying to get on their, you know, paperless post list or whatever. Like I get Juliet's thing, but Julia's a fucking social climber too. She is. And she doesn't have a home to invite anybody to. So it's not like she's coming up with an alternate plan. She's not saying. I don't like your plan. And it's not about your way. All the time. It's like, well, then plan something else. You know, beggars can be choosers, but people get sick of buying them $20 whole food salads. Yeah. Well, that's a problem. That's always been the problem with Juliet is that even when she's been right, she handles situations so terribly. She really, really does. And she communicates horribly. So it always goes in this terrible, terrible direction, which is exactly where this Thanksgiving feud seems to be headed. Yep. Yeah. Julia just wants to boss everybody around. It's like, here's like if I bought from my birthday, like, yeah, you don't get to do that. You have your own birthday party somewhere and have it be this great big thing. Throw it. Yeah. So so then after that, we saw like a slice of life in Julie's flat where she and her four kids were all doing their homework and she was burning hot cocoa, darling, the closet where she has to live with her title. I know. She's like, look at this lovely ground. Look, that's the church we got married in over there. Look, there's the library. Look, there's the police station. I sweep that at night. Oh my god. She's like, and then here's my tiny apartment where I'm seeing some of these children who ate me. Well, my husband is off doing God knows what in the woods, but her, honestly, her kids were very cute. I liked her kids. They're like, well behaved. I was like, oh my god, these are so much better than the American kids on these shows. They're like, they're, they're polite. They don't scream at her for making bad cocoa. Yeah. And she seems like a really good mom. She does actually. I really like her. She's going to be effing crazy. I love it. So then, you know. I'm now English. Rose, but I'm unstable enough for Elton John to write a song about me. So then what I love is that then to contrast, to contrast, I can't say it. I can't put the right emphasis because we're in a different country now. I know. Like my actions are messing me up. I like my wrist so with more strange emphasis. Anyway, so then they cut to Caroline dealing with her kids. You don't even see the kids. The kids. And this is her scene of mothering. She just has her staff. She's like, all right, well, tell me about what is, what is little Isabelle doing? And she's like, well, she has a music recital. All right, you'll be going to that. Yes. And Johnny, Jonathan has a soccer game as a football game, like, all right, you'll be going to that. Yes. And there's a recital that they really want you to see. Okay, great. And you'll be attending that. Yes. Wonderful. All right. So good. She's about to feel sensitive because, you know, it's coming upon that time where she realizes that she's getting older and she doesn't have a parent around. So when she comes to you, crying, your hug, her won't you? Yes. Yes, I will. Good. Hug. Hug. And do put, do put, and would you do put on the name tag on the children? So I know which one is which. Thank you so much. Would you please take this little flat Stanley around to all the god awful tourist places in town and snap a picture with it? Thank you. Valentina. Valentina, will you go tell my daughter that you love her? Thank you. There's a monster under the bed. Someone please offer that monster more money to just go away so Valentina can get some sleep. Pauline, Pauline, will you put a coin under the pillow or some tooth fairy madness happening? Pauline. Valentina. It actually leaves the tooth there. I want to confuse them. Thank you. All right, Albert, when my daughter is solving because she's got money and a tooth, please hug her. Hug. Ding, ding, ding. So good. Oh, yeah. So she's so extreme that you can't even make fun of it because it's already, it's already so ridiculous. I love it. I know. So then I think this is around this time is when Juliet came over and was like, can you please do Thanksgiving here? And she starts like, she's like about to cry over it. And then Caroline's like, stop it. She's like, please. No. Don't cry. Valentina, could you please get a kerchief for the stupid wench in my dining room? So good. And I love when Caroline explains it to us, she's like, you know, people think I'm cold. All they think this or that about me. And that's fine. But at the end of the day, my children are surrounded by people who love them, including occasionally. But the people that are there genuinely do pretend to love them. Yeah. I know. I love that. So good. And then when she goes to visit Juliet at home and there's all those families, she's like, eh, lucky territory. Oh, disgusting. We're going to run over one if they're going to run over us or something. We're going to open the car door and the baby's going to die. Just get me out of here. Oh my God. She is amazing. And I love also when Juliet was asking about like, can you asking her to host Thanksgiving? Caroline was basically saying, well, you know, I don't care either. She's like, well, I'm not going to screech over a freaking supermarket by where I'm going to have dinner. Oh, yeah. Because they're big accidental scene where they all just happen to be in the supermarket together. Yeah. We're none of them except maybe two of them actually go in real life. Yeah. Ladies. And then the stupid Americans start fighting, but my own birthday party is your birthday party. Because I'm going to get a twerking guy. Yeah. Well, so the real fight was that after Caroline agreed to host Thanksgiving, she said, but Juliet, you have to tell Marissa because I don't want to have to deal with this. So Juliet and Marissa meet at Bumpkin. And that's when Juliet says that she is planning on doing Thanksgiving and Caroline's and Marissa gets so mad. She's like, I'm getting a turkey birthday cake for you. I can't believe it. A turkey birthday cake. I mean, there's not made of turkey, but there's a turkey on top. I'm trying to make it about your Thanksgiving. Why are you mad at me for having a party on Thanksgiving, but you're not mad at Thanksgiving for being on your birthday? Like, if you're going to yell at somebody, yell at Thanksgiving, I have their number. I've been invited to many Thanksgiving holidays. I know Thanksgiving. Okay. So if you want to pitch at it, just tell me and I'll let you pitch at it. But don't blame me for Thanksgiving's problems. Well, the thing that was the thing that was noteworthy about this scene was that Juliet didn't say, Juliet basically did not take ownership of her role in this whole thing. She kept on saying, well, you know, I was talking and Caroline said, well, you know, she volunteered her house and Caroline was thinking that maybe you'd be better if we did it or so. And so I was thinking that Caroline, that Caroline, she totally made it seem like Caroline was the one who made this decree, not Juliet. Yeah. Caroline. Yeah, because she's afraid of Caroline, Marissa will do what Caroline says. You know, everyone will listen to Caroline because as Juliet says in the opening of this episode, I really like being friends with Caroline because she knows a lot of people. Like, you bitches get what you deserve, okay? Like Caroline treating you like morons and basically mocking you on national television. Again, even though you know that that's what she's doing now, you deserve it. And I'm just going to love watching this because it's great. I know. Well, evidence of Caroline knowing people is that then Caroline held a cocktail party the night before Thanksgiving, and it was like you're saying before a whole bunch of like skinny British beautiful women. And including- That should be the cast. By the way. Yeah. That was amazing. All those women just being like, Oh, hello, Deling. Hello. Hello, Deling. Hello. Hello. I'm dating a football player. Oh, really? I'm dating a rugby player. Oh, really? I work in fashion. Oh, really? I have a fashion line. Oh, really? I'm a supermodel. Oh, wonderful. Oh, so good. I loved it. That should be the cast. We met the new Caroline, Caroline too. Caroline Fleming, who's Danish royal family, which so far, so far, so good. I like her. So far, I respect her because she's a royal with a goddamn job. Okay. Yes, it's hosting America's next top model in wherever, but still, you know, still something. Like she gets out of bed in the morning and does more than like button over, button her overcoat for an hour. I can't believe you're saying that this bitch, this Danish like by Countess, whatever she is. I can't believe you were saying that she is more respectable than Queen Elizabeth. How dare you? I'm not going to apologize for who I love. No, should you? No, should you? Yes. Queen Elizabeth eats and she doesn't have a job. This girl starves and she works like it's very simple. I don't care about your title. Okay. So here's the thing. So this was a cocktail party for shady British women and Marissa walks in and Caroline's like this party is for the most special women in London. Here's the hostess of Not America's Top Model. And here's a lady who's had her head done on E. I'm like, how are these the most special ladies in England? I know. Well, but either way, they have been reared in the fine art of British shade and it walks Marissa and she thinks that she can shade these women. No, she walks in and such a past aggressive move. She brings the turkey hats that she had made custom for her Thanksgiving. She's like, well, I had already ordered them before you had decided not to come to my Thanksgiving dinner. So here you go. Turkey hat that says Caroline on it with her like bitchy face on. She's like, yeah, I have these made before you totally ditched my party and decided to have your own to compete with it. So enjoy your turkey hats. You're giving them turkey hats. Yeah, you're giving turkey hats and you have the hostess of Denmark's most female girl. Give me Caroline, a turkey hat, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline put it on for one second. She's like, send us to the children. Actually, one of her kids made up people shoot these ugly things. They don't deserve to walk around. This is tedious. Someone's shoot it. Someone send this to Annabelle and have a shoot it. She sent it that right down to her. I can't believe you Americans actually praise this bird. Put this on so I can shoot it. Marissa's like, yeah, so enjoy your turkey hat at your special party. And then Caroline, wait, by the way, then that's when Caroline goes, I forgot. She goes, I couldn't hate a gift more. I didn't even hear that. That's what she says, I couldn't hate a gift more. This month's ringers are just going to be all of Caroline's lines from today. Yeah. Basically. She's amazing. Marissa, you walk into a party full of ladies who can outshade you with a look and you're wearing Easter colors in the fall. I mean, come on, Marissa, if you have that many friends in London, you need honest friends to give you advice because nothing you did was right here, nothing, nothing. Even Julia was more polite and Julia, it's like the worst, Julie, it's like, hi, everybody, hi, hi. Hi, everybody. Hi, everybody. Oh my God. Hi, I've seen you on TV. Oh, I've seen your picture before. Hi, everybody. Everyone's like, hello. And then I'm just like, hi Marissa, do you want to talk or something? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait, before she said you want to talk though, we had like some great iciness between them because they were, you know, Julia greeted Marissa last. It was that great moment of watching Marissa waiting for her hello and you can see the tension and the Marissa walks away from the group and, oh, it was so wonderful. I love that. That's what I live for on Bravo TV. I know, but Julia wasn't even going to ignore her. She was just like, hi, everybody, hi, hi, and then at the very end, she's like, hi, pumpkin. You know, you know, Julia reminds me of Anna Kendrick, that's what she reminds me of. Yeah, Anna Kendrick could totally play her. Yeah, like a less pretty Anna Kendrick. Oh, rude. Oh, I wasn't even meant to be rude. That was not meant to be rude. I was actually, I didn't want to be mean to Anna Kendrick. Julia, last year, because we covered this show on the site and the recap's so funny. And last year, the recapper was really obviously rude and Julia and Marissa were retweeting these recaps every week. And I'm like, why are they retweeting the recaps? They're so awful to them. And then finally, I guess Julia finally read one towards the end of the season. And she tweeted that is, whoa, you guys really speak your mind, right? Geez. God. And you could just American boys. Yeah, you could hear American. Okay. Yeah, geez, guys, mean much. All I can remember from her from last year is wearing some ridiculous American flag sunglasses or dress or something. And Annabelle hating her for it. Yeah. They got to the fight outside of bumpkin. Ah, bumpkin. Yeah, so basically the fight ended with Marissa being like, well, you know what, I just, I planned her whole birthday. I did this all the stuff for your birthday, but that's okay. You don't have to come. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. I've been here for a while. 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If you like Watch what Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. I'm Lindsey Graham, host of Wondery Show American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history. Residential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our latest series, entrepreneur Lou Perlman becomes the mastermind behind two of the biggest pop groups in the world, the Backstreet Boys, and InSync. He also oversees a sprawling business empire that includes a charter jet company, restaurants and real estate. But Perlman's successful facade crumbles after he sued by the boy bands for siphoning millions from them. And soon investigators discover that Perlman is keeping his empire afloat through an even more devious scheme. 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