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Again, you can try next issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com/crapins. Watch what crap is, watch what crap is, who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is, watch what crap is, watch what crap is, who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is, this episode of Watch or Crapins is brought to you by our premium Patreon subscribers, Claudia Catalina and Kristi Darity. Yay! Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we absolutely just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast and joining me as usual is the wonderful, the funny, the hilarious, the ha ha inducing Ronnie Karam from trashtalktv.com. Hello there, Ben, hello everybody, thanks for having me here. Well, thanks for being here. If this is your first time listening to the Watch What Crapins podcast, thank you and welcome, we'll come in to the podcast. Protect your children! Protect your children! You can follow us on social media by going to WatchorCrapins.com and you'll find links to Twitter and Instagram and Vine and all those other wonderful things. Periscope! It's all there, we encourage you to follow us. More importantly, facebook.com/watchworkrapins is just the best Facebook page on the internet. We have to thank everyone who's been liking it over the past several weeks. It has really grown so much and it's a great online community to talk about Bravo and even non-Bravo stuff. So lots of people are on there, so if you're not there, come join the party because it really is like a party. It is, I'm reading it right now, someone posted, have you ever, it's one of the minions? Have you ever just looked at someone and said seriously? Julie Padchela! Yeah, so funny. Yeah, I'm reading it right now, I love this page and then there's another thing, oh I'll get to this in Orange County, remind me though, remind me they've been. Okay, but it's really great page so follow us there and then of course if you want to support the podcasts, you can go to patreon.com/watchworkrapins and you can support us there, which really means a lot to us. Supporters at the very least get access to a bonus episode every single week. We just recorded this week's, we had a really fun time. We have been on a roll, Ronnie. We have been having so much fun. Part of it is just that I'm smoking up now in the day. And part of it is that Starbucks came out with their cold brews, which are strong. I'm like on a coffee pot. So we talked about them behind me. Let's face a couch desk, hashtag, catch desk, fill in it, been in here for weeks, loving life. Hashtag, hashtag team gays. No, we, the bonus episode this week, we talked about the VMAs, which was, we had a really good time. Oh, I'm tired from laughing at that shit. That was hilarious. Yeah, if you watch the VMAs and you want to relive it, you want to hear it all hashed out, listen to our bonus episode, subscribe on Patreon, listen to it. We also talked about the gossip with Jill, I'm married to medicine. And we talked about some Vanderpump rules stuff. And I think there's some other stuff I can't remember. I am like in a haze right now. I don't even know the words coming out of my mouth. It feels like we've been partying because we've been laughing so hard. I know. I wanted to say also, like, we're hearing from a lot of moms, which is so great because of the crying out lad, that wonderful pauled case. Oh my god, I love the pauled. So we still are hearing from a lot of moms and I love it. And so I just want to say, if you are a mom and you're new to this show, yeah, we curse a lot and stuff like that. But I'd like to thank the call makers for making those video screens that pop up in the back of minivan and you can put earphones on the little fuckers and then you can listen to us. So I like, you know, I'd never thank the car makers, but that opens an entire new audience to us. Yeah, if you if you are a new listener and you came to us for crying out loud and you're a mom and you got some kids in the backseat, we're gonna give you 30 seconds. We'll give you, we'll give you 60 seconds so you can pull over and put the earmuffs over your kids. We'll pretend that Ronnie didn't just say the F word and you can cover your kids ears and then get ready for some hardcore Molly Cyrus VMA cursing y'all. I'm hardcore y'all marijuana. You guys, today I blast one. I'm a rebel. Y'all crazy crazy crazy crazy. Um, so on this episode, we're going to talk about Real Housewives of Orange County. We're going to talk about the third installment of the Real House as a New York City reunion. We're going to have a next issue at somewhere in the middle. You don't know when it's going to happen, but it's going to happen. It's going to happen. So just you don't know, but all y'all better brace. Y'all better brace because next issue ad is happening. And then we have a totally normal for next issue to take off. It's close if it wants to put itself through college. Blink, blink, blink, blink. We have marriage to medicine. Oh, married to me, which a lot of this cast are literally married to meds. I like that that's their Twitter, uh, their Twitter. Yeah, marriage. It is. You guys are all married to med married to it. And I feel like I've been self-medicating with this. I'm telling you, you know what? My cold brew is very strong today. I think it's because the guy, uh, poor, so normally when I go down to the Ralph's Starbucks, the guy, uh, I always have the same guy who takes my order, but it's someone different who who pours it. But today the guy did my order gave me the cold brew and I think you put more cold brew than what are in because I am bunkers. I'm as bunkers as last week when I did the Tiago coffee. Well, I'm on my second Trente bin. I'm finishing it up now. It's wonderful. Although I can't find a coffee creamer that doesn't taste like cancer. I haven't found something that tastes like a Starbucks yet, you know, because I like a little mocha or something like that my coffee bin and I'm buying all these creamers. My top shelf in my fridge is full of all these different kinds of creamers and they all taste like cancer. They like cancer, child, like all different kinds. It's gross. Yeah, uh, I, uh, I like my coffee the way I like my men. Black. To quote airplane, which you have not seen as we discussed in a previous, but I can quote below deck and say I like my women like I like my cool fee. Blonde. What was it? Blonde and stupid. What do you think? It's like Blonde with a vagina. Yeah. Blonde and with a good swallow. Am I right, guys? Okay, it's like I'm going to make a rocket towel for you. So, um, um, um, okay. What do you want to start with? Orange County, Mary County, Madison or New York. Let's do Orange County because it's most recent and it will do Orange County, New York, marriage, medicine. And as promised, there will be an next issue at somewhere. Okay. Um, we're all thrilled for the next issue at I am, I am beyond thrilled. All right. So let me open to OC. Oh, wait, I have, I do have to say something pertaining to our sometimes sponsor Saturday night. Um, I got wasted in WeHo for the first time in like nine months and I came home and I bought a Casper mattress. You did? I did. Oh my God. I know you were drunk because normally we would have campaigned for a free one. Well, you know, here's the thing. Okay. Here's the thing. I was going to campaign for free one, but I got scared that if we campaigned for free one, it would actually be bad etiquette since the side show network is the one who set up our advertising with yeah, we probably get them a free fucking bed. Well, I was like, oh, thanks for the bed guys. Well, I thought it would be, I thought it was like, I thought it might be poor etiquette. If they, if Casper already deals with sideshow and then we come in independently, I thought that might be weird. And then I got scared. And then I got drunk. And then I did it. But I used our promo code. Oh, I saved 50 dollars. So good. Well, is that unethical? Yeah, that is not an ethical giving also clicking on our own Google ads, Ben. That's right. I clicked on on promo code. Anyway, we don't have ethics, Ben. All right, we're watch what crap is for fuck's sake. Do whatever you want, Tony. Yeah. Anyway, let's ask for so that's that's I feel like I feel obligated to tell people that that I got drunk about a mattress. Good. Yeah, you stand behind the product right on can't wait to hear about it. This will be ongoing. And one of us still needs a bed. Casper. Casper. So all right. Real Housewives of Orange County. You know, who else needs a bed? Everyone in this cast because they're grumpy. You know what? I think that I don't know if Megan needs a bed, but she certainly needs a seat because she needs to take one. Okay, because she is still being a crazy little wench. Don't tell me to sit down because I'm like, don't tell me to sit in a high chair just because I'm tall. Like I get that I'm tall. Okay, everyone hates me because I'm tall. I'm like, no, I don't even think that's everybody. Why did today her greatest fear become that she's six feet tall. Yeah, that she's tall. Like, are we gonna feel sorry for a six foot tall model? Shut the fuck up lady. Like find another angle to get some pity timing. I care, I care about. I'm coming up with a book for tall people. It's about like how hard it is to be tall. Kind of my charity event for tall people you guys. It means a lot to me. Shaman. Who's this? Who's this? I start tall people charities. Megan started tall people, Megan. Megan, I started height, Megan. So it's the episode started. We're at back at the construction site luncheon, and Vicki and Megan were still fighting. And this is, Megan has just called Vicki, I think you're a mean old lady. And she's like, whoa, if I'm a little girl, that means you're an old lady. Vicki's like, shap, shap. So I started laughing immediately last night when I was watching this because even though we watch it every week and then we talk about it sometimes for two hours a day and a week at least. I am still shocked whenever it comes on TV. It opened with scenes from last week and it was the gay or whatever like scenes from previously and it was the gay possible horror psychic with the Facebook page going, I don't see that. I don't see cancer. Oh my god. I started laughing so hard and then Heather's weird Coraline angry mom button face, like a durable face and then Tamra's hamster face. I was like, these women are destined to not be friends because one of them has a hamster face and one of them has a durable face. And while they're both rodents, they're not rodents that get along because they have different eyes. Very observant. Deep. Deep shit was happening last night while I was watching this. Very observant. Different rodents. It's like, yeah, you cannot have, you cannot have different rodents. They have to be all the same type of rodents for them to get along. Yeah, rodents don't hammer mingle. All hamster, all durable. Yeah, there is never a hamster and a durable in the same ball. And don't try to cross breathe them. There's no such thing as a herbal. Okay, just hamsters and dribbles. So yeah, so actually, by the way, I think that I think that Megan looks a little bit like a ferret. I don't know, is a ferret, ferrets are not rodents. She does have kind of ferret face. Ferrety. Ferrety's just saying that because I'm tall. Let's sort of gut my whole life. Of course, I'm the long one. Just because I could tie my body into a knot doesn't mean I'm a ferret. I smell funny and I crawl over people who don't necessarily want me on them, but it doesn't make me ferret. Okay. Just because I just because I don't work a lot doesn't mean you can say it's Ferrebular's day off. Okay. I have to first a home. That's tallest. I'm telling. So yeah, we opened with the scene from last week in Heather's small house. I don't even know what room this is supposed to be. It was really authentic. Yeah. It's a hot dog on a stick room. This is where the dishwasher is going to go for all of the cinnabon trays. And then there's a separate room for where the dishwasher puts at shoes at the end of the day. This is where we're installing the carousel. Everyone's going to come to the mall house and we're going to ride the carousel in here. But from right now, luncheon, does that salad taste sweet to you? Because you're sitting right on the cinnabon carousel. That's where it's going to go. Can you can you taste my dreams? Can you taste them? Because they're coming to fruition. Heather. So yeah, they're in that weird, big sweatshirt zones. Yeah. Yeah. And they're all wearing like these shocking old lady pinks. It's really an awkward scene this week. Yeah. So so Megan is abusing Megan. It's like, you shut up, stupid, slut married to a idiot, stupid little whore. I hope you die. I hope you fucking shut up, stupid whore. And Megan's like, you're old and bitter. And everyone's like, Oh, yeah. Shut up. Oh, I feel, I feel bad. I was afraid this challenge is going to pee in her pants. Oh, Shannon. Megan. What? Well, then Megan. Well, you talked about you called her old Megan Miss 30 Rome. What? Well, then, yeah, Shannon's like, I would be live it. Live it. David, are you live it too? David, why aren't you more live it? David, David, where are you? David, I can't tell us your limit if you're not here. Find your father, put on to find my friends. Put it on. I think David is at his favorite store. Live in places. Live in spaces. David, I can't tell my choice. I still can't go into a living places. David goes to living spaces. I would years and I just won't do it. I can't believe I ruined my own livid spaces joke. David. Sorry about that. No, I did. I did because I called it livid places, not livid spaces. Oh, I got you in trading livid places. So anyway, Heather's legit. So everyone so offended that Megan would dare criticize someone for their age, even though they were just calling her like a 12 year old cut fitness. Yeah, which I love. Shannon and everything Shannon said today to the cameras at least was checking off a box. She was like pretending to write on the chalkboard in every single, uh, confessional. Love it. It's like, Oh, well, Shannon, there goes Mr. Do your old saying stupid things like a childhood jacket. Yeah. Yeah. And I love to also, by the way, how, um, when Megan was insisting, she's like, well, I'm sick. It's not coming from a place of malice. And they cut to Shannon and sipping martini doing the Kermit the frog. Like, but that's none of my business. Like she's not buying it. Like, okay, bitch, I'm gonna drink my martini while you shut the fuck up. That was like a Nikki. That was this version, this shows version of Nicki Minaj, person Miley Cyrus. Shannon's like, where are you at? Shannon's like, listen, bitches. All of their idea that I did. I didn't mean you personally. It just meant the slang stands bitches, you know, bitches, you know, like the ones that David slept with for all my birthdays. I'd like to celebrate the two days after the birthday that was after the last birthday that it was measurable. You know, that's eventually still measurable. So everybody, thanks for asking. How am I disappointed? Great. I love the salad. This is great, but I'm too fat to eat it. So I'll just stare at it. I'll just appear staring at the salad in the shoe room or wherever we are. David, David, David, why aren't you joining us for the lunch in the footlocker? David. So Vicki starts going off the rails, overly angry, pretending to cry, making that face where only her eyes are squinting. She honestly looks like Connie Chung in a mask. And by the way, Meghan, Meghan, so dumb, she was doing great this season. She somehow got all through all these episodes without getting on Vicki's bad side. Normally, it only takes one episode for a pretty new girl to get the Vicki treatment. And she got all the way this far, but she kept, she kept poking. She kept poking. You just keep poking, Meghan. Just keep poking, Meghan. Yeah, wait. Oh, I have that. I have that quote. She's, oh, here it is. Listen, lady. Yeah. Keep your poking. Keep poking at me. Meghan. Keep it up. Meghan. Meghan. I love you. Meghan. Meghan. Keep poking. Keep poking at my bladder because guess what? I'll pee my pants. I'll pee. I'll pee. Hey, Meghan, you want me to treat you like a run around the block because I will pee right on you. Keep poking, Meghan. Keep poking. Meghan. When you poke my bladder. I pee in my pants. If I assent you, if I run. If I run. If I run. I pee. I pee in my pants. Check. Check. David, why did you interrupt me? Well, I was talking about my running. David. David. David, you know, I don't like when you walk in here when I'm talking about how I pee when I run. David, that makes me, I'm having feelings, David. I'm having negative thoughts. I don't want to, but I am, David. I stop them. Okay, honey. Well, you know, I know I wrecked our entire lives. Let's call a meeting with the kids. David. David. David. David. Why was I crying, David? We need to start writing this down. So Lizzie, Meghan is going so far off her own rails because she's just acting like a teenager at this point. She's like, I didn't do anything. Like if he doesn't have cancer, he doesn't have cancer. I didn't see it. I was just relaying it. I was relaying with the sake. I care. I care about your lover. That's all I care, Vicki. As her clavicle is like about to burst out of her skin. Oh my God. But this fight was so funny because she's saying, well, don't, but only, look, I'm sorry. Okay. I just, but why is he doing chemo? Like she keeps going and going. But the questions aren't bad. Why is he not doing chemo? Why is he refusing to be doctor? He's Etsy knows these aren't the sounds of holiday gifting. Oh, or, oh, okay. Thank you. Well, they're not the sounds you're hoping for. You want squeals of delight like this. And spontaneously written songs of joy. I am so happy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. To get those, make everyone on your list feel heard with gifts like personalized jewelry, custom artwork, vintage pieces, and home decor for original gifts that say, I get you Etsy has it. Why get all your holiday decorations delivered through Instacart? Because maybe you only bought two Reese, but have 12 windows, or maybe your toddler got very eager with the advent calendar, or maybe the inflatable snowman didn't make it through the snowstorm, or maybe the twinkle lights aren't twinkling. Whatever the reason, this season, Instacart's here for hosts and their whole holiday haul. Get decorations from the Home Depot, CVS, and more through Instacart, and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. Only work for him. Oh, you're back. Wait, sorry, you disappeared. Stop. Oh, no. You were saying the questions aren't bad, but the questions aren't bad. You know, she's saying, uh, why is he refusing to go to a good doctor that someone's giving him? Why is he refusing chemo? Those aren't bad questions. And Vicki is freaking out at these questions. And she's like, none of your business. And he, he wasn't working for him. Okay, sometimes chemo doesn't work for people. And that's just how it is. You know, chemo's not a be all and all. And he's on a new cocktail, a rivestural cocktail. You know, it's like a lot of wine every day. And he's drinking his wine. He's doing what the doctor told them to do. He's at home drinking right now, Megan. Don't say he doesn't want to live. I know. And by the way, one of our, I think one of our listeners posted, I'm going to find it right now, posted a picture they ran into Brooks and Vegas. Yes, that's what I was saying. Remind me later, remind me later. Yeah, I've got it pulled up here. You got to pull up who did it? Who posted it? Who did it? Lily? It's Joeski. Oh, hi, Lily. Oh, here it is. Yeah, Lily. Joeski. So pretty in this picture. Oh, Lily. Just ran into our friends. Broke Brooks looks good at Brooks. Brooks is good at Vegas. I think that's the point. Yeah. She's like, just ran into Brooks and Vegas, dancing with the tall blonde in the back. He seems quite healthy. Yeah. Brooks is like, oh, it hurts. Let's go party. It's new therapy. You got to go to Vegas and in the Vegas song of the Bellagia, then you cure your cancer. Every time you take a really good Instagram pick with a pretty girl, cancer dies a little bit. Meanwhile, Vicki's posting on Instagram. Oh, look at this pizza. I just ate. Oh, I just had some donuts too. Yeah, freedom, carb freedom. You know, you know, cancer loves pizza, but I don't have to worry about that. Me more sort of Vicky whoo whoop it up. I'm like, oh, no, don't please don't be gaining 500 pounds on his to cram telling. But that's that being said, just to go back to what you were saying about Vicky freaking out, you know, Vicki made a point later in the episode. And she's right about this is that she was saying Megan was not coming from a good place. Megan's asking these questions, but not in a good place. And that's the difference because if Megan said, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I came off that way. I really, if she led within a, like an apology for being misconstrued, like, oh my God, Vicki, I'm so sorry. I was not insinuating that at all. And I'm so sorry that made you feel that way. I was confused by the situation. It probably wasn't my place. I was just wondering like why he didn't, you know, I was concerned that maybe he wasn't investigating the best path possible, you know, and Vicki still probably been like, you know what, shut up, shut up. But it's still like, you know, Megan was, as most of us were looking at the bad place, but I don't think she was coming. She didn't, she didn't start it. Basically, these women are like, yeah, here's this psychic who says this, and the psychic said this, and she's like, wait a minute, like he doesn't, maybe he doesn't have cancer, like, but then maybe like he should go to that doctor, get chemo like, they're tricking her into it. You know, yeah, she doesn't necessarily have Vicki's best intentions at heart, but yeah, the one out to destroy Vicki with the news was Tamara, not this girl. Tamara was the one if you played along. Tamara was the one who found the psychic. Tamara was the one like this is all roads lead back to Tamara. Tamara is the one who got who told Vicki. I mean, it was, you know, if you ask any witness, that's the thing with getting so much surgery, you know, if you ask witnesses what they saw, they can totally describe it easily. They saw a woman hamster, you know, causing trouble. You cannot be causing trouble with that face. Okay, subtle, subtle muddle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle, subtle. So anyway, so Vicki leaves the party and in the wake of Vicki leaving, oh God, but we missed all the rocks, Brooks wants to live. You know what I want? Here's my dream. I want Brooks to be alive. That's my dream. I want Brooks to live to be the father of four. I want Brooks to fly on the wings of a dove. Like she's going on this crazy, non-crying, crying, squinty, but non-faithally moving rant and the other ladies like whatever. And Tamara's like, okay, so like, of course, Vicki is going crazy, bitch, but you know, like, I mean, whatever, cancer, Megan, what about cancer, Megan, Megan, I gave you bitch, co-fitness, YouTube child, bitch. And then Heather being every, trying to be the reasonable one, but just making everything boring. She's like, Megan, did you, you know, I know what you were trying to say because you were trying to describe like what having cancer is like because you understand because you know somebody with cancer because your husband's ex-wife currently has cancer and you understand it. And so like, I understand where you're coming from. I'm going to go talk to the girls with my shamps. Vicki Megan is coming from a place where she understands cancer. It's like, stop narrating the show to everybody who's on it. You dumbass. Please get the hell out of here, Heather. Yeah. So then after Vicki leaves, Tamara decides to lighten the mood by announcing, you guys, we have decided to launch the co-fitness YouTube channel and we're launching it with a sex tape. And everyone's like, oh my God, what? And then she goes, get your mind out of the gutter pervs. I'm like, no, no, no, you just say get your mind out of the gutter when you make an anyone. But when you say you're launching the sex tape, that's like saying that is the gutter right there. Okay, like, that you can't totally pull gutter for you to be like sliding down to no one was even surprised. They were just like, Oh, yeah, by the way, that's finally, oh geez, I thought you were gonna save that bird, you know, your 10th. By the way, that's also what they say when co-fitnesses closing to say, okay, ladies and gentlemen, please get out of the gut gutter, cut fitness is closing for today. Please get out of the gutter and you no longer have to pretend that it's really an even floor. It's a gutter and you can get out and out passes over. Get out. So, so yeah, Vicki throws a fit and then Tamara's like, we have a sex pet of betches. I'm like, I didn't know that posting a video on YouTube, like necessitated having a party. But okay, congratulations. Have you you've seen the video right? I sent it to you, I think, when it when it came out, well, that I don't know, they showed it anyway. But all that thing was missing was a Kenya more hair commercial cut into it. I know it was awful, like in 15 seconds. Yeah, do you wonder why my hair is so beautiful? Because of Kenya more hair and then bad sitcom. Yeah, yeah, it was a bad commercial. And it didn't show off anything of cut fitness, but whatever. So then, so we'll get to that back at the table, even even Lizzie, I had a struggle for her name. Sorry, Lizzie. But even Lizzie's like, Megan, be quiet enough. You're talking too much. Yes, I love that. She's like, just sit back and enjoy the free meal. Okay, it doesn't always have to be a fight. You don't have to work every episode. Just enjoy the salad. And Megan's like, all I wanted to do is show that I cared. Dickey's a bitch. And I love Lizzie was being there. Lizzie was just like, I know, but just stop talking Megan. Megan just stopped. And then it immediately wiped off of her face. And she's like, Dickey's a bitch. I was like, yeah, you see all this fake crying. I like that it just immediately dries up whenever they do it. It's like, okay, you're a bitch. Bye. Love that. And then Heather, just just so we know what happened. She's like, guys, Dickey is like a mama bear. And mama bears are really scary. Let's face it. They're scary bears are scary. They're big, scary. Dickey's a bear. I'm scared. It's like, okay, thanks for contributing, Heather. Oh, finally we can move on. Yeah. Two. He's fighting for his life. He's fighting for his life. Hey, Monju. Okay, so I'll see you guys next time. Thanks for having me. Really love the boot room. Bye. Yeah. So then we move on to Dr. Moon's office because Shannon is seeing Dr. Moon because she's been healthy and except for the nebulizer. But she's been healthy and therefore she's on a different, she's on a full moon, no more in cycle where she sees Dr. Moon when it's a full moon. No more. That's when she sees him. Moons. Moons. Two moons twice a month. When I go to Denny's and I order a moon over Miami, I know time to see Dr. Moon not scheduled. Whenever David's staring up at the sky wondering why his gmail account was deleted off of his iPad without his knowledge. I know it's a full moon and it's time to get a thumb up my butt. Two times a month. I was in the video store and I saw Moonstruck on the shelves and I realized time to see Dr. Moon. Checking off her list. Two moons. List check. I try to deal with things on my own, but sometimes you need a heart monitor and little sensors all over the fat on your stomach and you need them shocking you in the fat part. So you know that they're there and you're aware and you're shameful enough to get rid of them. Thank you Dr. Moon. So Dr. Moon so she lies down and Dr. Moon touches her stomach and he's like oh the liver. He's like oh there's anger. There's anger in the liver. And she's like I know. I mean I have lots of anger and resentment because David has been shooting on me on my birthday and then took me to a sports bar. David. David. And then he's like Dr. Moon's his answer was here's what you got to do. When you're feeling angry, you have to glare at the clouds. David I'm looking at a cloud right now. David. What you're saying right now is making me very angry, but I'm just gonna stare at a cloud. David. David. That cloud is shaping into another woman's vagina. Isn't that a coincidence David? David. What are you telling these clouds David? One of these clouds notes that I don't know David. Don't tell me I'm having a negative thought David. David. I want you to write a list of every single cloud you have gone on a date with David. David. First I have judgy eyes. Now I have to do an exercise not to have angry eyes. I don't want to exercise. My eyes exercise I will pee my pants. I can no longer watch dirty dancing because when hungry eyes comes on on the soundtrack. It's just too much for me. How many eyes do I get to have? I'm using me of something. Am I a spider? Do I have eight eyes? I don't understand David. Let me get this straight David. I have angry eyes, hungry eyes and judgy eyes. My eyes are very busy David. Very, very busy David. My eyes are having feelings right now David. No, it's a judgy one. It's a judgy one. You're looking at the wrong eyes David. David. Why are you looking at hungry eyes David? Judgy eyes is the one that needs you. Children were having a beauty. David why won't you look at me in the eyes? In the proper eyes David. David why are you looking at my third eye right now David? Oh god is my third eye hungry for judgy? David how many eyes do I have to have for you to look at them? I have grown eight different eyes so that way you can at least look into one of them. David and you always look away. David how many eyes does she have? How many eyes does she have? David I have eight eyes and I can spin a web. Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that beautiful enough for you? I've made friends with the pig David. David I write messages with my web. Okay. I'm even I make sure no insects come into this house and that's still not enough for you. I want a list of all the lens crafters you've taken. You're a mistress too because I do not want to be embarrassed when hungry eyes need a pair. David I thought you would appreciate my new bedroom eyes for when we make whoopee but I guess obviously not. David are you more or less attracted to me than who you were a week after you met me? David answer one of my eyes. David the correct answer was both. David that was the answer. Oh David he'll never understand me. It's okay hungry eyes you're not hungry. Hungry eyes stop staring at the cupcakes hungry as you're making me fat. Stop it. Oh really? Oh well stop judging me jetty eyes. Oh I'm so sorry hungry eyes. Oh god now angry man. Oh jeez. David I wish you a fight. David I wish you had some sympathy for me because my bifocals are made of kaleidoscope lenses now. David David I have something nice meeting with the children but my eyes are fighting. I need time for my eyes to fight David. All right. David I see everything. I see everything. And David I wish you were like a Navi from Avatar and that you could see me the way I can see you but you can't. I wish all the women you I wish all the women you had sex with would grow some eyes David so they could notice the wedding ring on your hand. It might have been I thought it would be lovely David I hope this I think is contagious and you pass it along to all of your mistresses. That would be great David. You want to kiss my eyes kiss my eyes David kiss my eyes you won't get me think David David where are you going David maybe you maybe you should grow four more eyeballs one for each member of the family you're betraying David look at us look at all of us David David while your father is locked in the bathroom I'd like to explain to you how I feel about the length of time that short ribs need to be marinated okay that's that's what we're going to talk about stop looking at angry eyes honey she's not angry at you it's just how she is. All right kids David maybe David maybe you need a pair of glasses that way you could look at the shopping list and see that we are cooking for 16 people and you're buying only two bottles of wine David oh that was the best the first fight is always the best you know first fight anyway Vicki and Michael so Vicki Britain she has some you know lunch with Michael which was great because you know since ma'am dad mom's dad and you know mom loved lunch in you know what since she's dad I have no one it's like oh jeez here we go I love that Michael's face is always confused he just looks at her like who are you how did I end up here oh yeah am I here is this ever gonna end what is she saying right now what is her face doing is that even my mother who are you I know he's confused I know by the way I thought he was looking good I think I think he's eating very nicely looking really cute but I loved how like Vicki's talking in the beginning she's like you know I can't get through the day without crying about nana and he's like yeah you want to get some appetizers and she's like ma'am always love mozzarella sticks don't you remember that how nana love the mozzarella sticks he's like yeah it's really good to see you guess what a lot of people lose their parents like when they're really young and it's traumatic and you're like old so by the time the onion rings get here it would be great if you could like get the fuck over it and stop making grandma's death about yourself awesome thanks it's like jesus if eyes could give a shit monologue this guy would be giving it right now no but he's like now wait we can't order before mom gets your oh my god I just remembered oh my god well have the mozzarella sticks and mom will have the ministro mom oh god oh god don't write that down on the order oh god I'm excited by ma please that's the best boy maybe they'll have it I don't know what do I know I don't work in a restaurant that's drugs it grubs I don't even work here how work here get a job get some self respect have a job what a job you know I'll pay for you wait I'll pay for you to I'll pay for you to be an intern at my office unpaid of course so this was a cute little dinner date or whatever it was kind of like a fancy rainforest cafe yeah it was basically just like a here's what michaels up to you know yeah it's like every year they check in with him because we've seen him every year so we'll check in oh he lives in san diego now oh yeah he's flying off but a boat you know he's like it's an inflatable tube she's like oh so how's the yeah odies that I put on my arm before I go into the water okay the dog walker where do you think I'm gonna get a yacht yeah how's the yacht uh you gonna take me a mam on it oh no i love dads i wish yachts had thicker wows mom could just be in the yacht you know they should be so lonely yeah do you imagine the amount of yachts i mean how we're off any yachts no one's on the yacht every day that's for sure this yacht needs to get a jab i'm so glad that we didn't put mommy said the wowser that lazy yacht oh gosh the off will be disappointed in your own mom after she's gone oh mom you know what you're a beautiful yacht okay but what would your mom what would your mother yachts say okay your mom yeah i would not be happy okay how about this you're gonna come work for koto insurance yach okay i'm gonna save you and if i can't save you i'm gonna send you to Atlanta where Lisa Nicole will put you to work in a boutique okay oh god insurance that's what you need that's the answer insurance and michael's just like sitting there looking totally confused as usual and bicki's like oh but you know i spent so great heaven brooks at home you know him and mam are just takin he's just standing there at the wall i mean they're banding more than ever wish brian i could you know i saw some love and forgiveness and he's like well you know brian is just you know not so to a guy who suggested that she get beat because she's too much of a fat loudmouth and her husband cheat on her you know you know how it is mom she's like oh yeah you know michael's so sensitive and sweet you know i wish they could all be like michael just sit there and look at me confused not really understand the shapes my face are making instead of calling me a whore and a loser like me out of that yeah you know yeah if only uh if only bicki realized that briana wants her mom to have an asshole as a boyfriend not a mooch okay that's all that briana wants yeah and it's just all our opinions can almost be completely saved because when they show the clips from next week well we're gonna have some some brook time yeah i work in brooks we have some ron i think we have the return of ryan asshole ryan opposite ryan um so anyway then we uh move on to the cut fitness party where everyone's gonna be sexy which means that women put themselves in cheap halloween ways yes yeah so oh my god i cannot wear to dress like a chip so that yeah hammer you dress like a cheap slut every time you're on the spring give me a break but you you haven't put those tits away in like 10 years shut up camera you need a special party get out of here yeah and eddie's walking around with his like white button down shirt open like he's on the cover of some romance novel i mean he has he has a better body than i do but still it was a huge gorgeous like knowing him you know he gets less gorgeous and also knowing that you know like he gets naked with hammer that's gross but gorgeous guy my god she really though his facial hair does his facial hair does not work for him it's like it's not a sexy five o'clock shadow it's just sort of like patchy and wrong well maybe it so he doesn't have to kiss camera too much you know because girls don't like a really rough face yeah um and also his waxing job very nice very nice it's like crazy ingrown hairs i'm sure they're gonna have a wild uh sex session later for hours listening to lady yaga because as we all remember from several seasons ago eddie just loves blasting lady gaga while they have sex do you remember that yes and then we see a clip of uh the bathtub scene which was gross enough the first time and then tamara explains to us why she's doing this sex video she's like ball like sucks out you know unlike if we're gonna do a commercial where everybody thinks we're having sex but them like you see us and we're just exercising in order to like have sex with each other in their future because like if one of us misses the workout and gets fatter than the other one has sex with somebody else and it's the fat ones fault so thank you youtube has she learned nothing from the celebrity apprentice every single year on the celebrity apprentice they have the the the celebrities are assigned a product that they have to make a viral video for and they always say well you know what sex sells and they make some awful innuendo filled video that's just terrible and makes the audience like yeah it's like some pro wrestler who you know smells like axe like up there in like short shorts and a poster board being like mints there were sexy men needs like uh put on some clothes your d-lister get out of here it's the celebrity apprentice where are you taking yourself so low darling and the worst part about Donald Trump running for president and becoming a crazy racist or being more public about it is that now we don't have any more celebrity apprentice and last season was so good oh well that show was too long for its own good anyway i cannot sit there and watch like a two and a half hour show sorry i wouldn't spend that much time on those losers like if they were on an actual show yeah but Tamara isn't even on the celebrity apprentice she's on youtube oh my god so anyways so the party starting so Megan um Megan is driving to the party with uh Jim and she's got like a little wig on she's like no one's gonna be able to recognize me and Jim's like well you're the only six foot tall girl in the group she's like why are you so crabby and like where are you calling me tall you know i hate that where you being mean to me where you being mean to me and calling me tall stop bullying me and i like that she's like why are you so crabby i'm like do you guys realize that you both of you guys are always crabby you guys are like the assholes from SNL like you know like with uh christen wig and jason yeah they get off on the crabby for sure i know but what i what i love to to show it's just what i loved is jimmy gives like this does this total dick move because she's like why you so crabby you always have like you always have something like why you say things in a nasty way and then he just turns on and goes that's what i'm always tell you all the time you have a way of saying things and you and you don't have that you don't like listen properly so i'm just showing it to you oh my god you're such an asshole yeah he is but i have to say that by the end of this episode i actually like them as a couple and i liked him as a man well he actually handled the situation as well as one could expect but they also show how he wants to fly into a crazy screaming rage and like throw megan into a river but he finds a way to be like babe i love you you're amazing you just need to let it go and she's like okay but thick is insane she's crazy it's like she keeps repeating over and he's like i tried but i want to fucking kill you it's almost cute but also like of course you know uh gross vibe from him too not sure yet not sure yeah so then people start showing up at the party um shannon shows up in a purple wig everyone's like oh shannon megan's like you little whore shannon bedore and i was like i i imagine shannon hearing the word whore and looking around like dammit dammit where is she where is she dammit dammit i can say she saw a whore she's telling america she's trying to ruin our lives right on tv where is she dammit where is she i liked it they're showing they had this little uh i don't know if it was an incidental or if i was just not paying attention but they had this scene with shannon and it was like her and david getting along or something and there was heart music playing which is hilarious because the show pulled out art music specifically to mock this like love scene with her and david because they never use that music but it's like blink blink blink blink whatever and shannon's like oh look how nice david's being you see it's all been worth it a lot of people would have run but i stayed i stayed because of my run i pee myself and i didn't really have a choice i couldn't walk fast enough i didn't want to pee on the ground and i stayed i'm here yeah it's like please please i know that we know that david's about to get caught like blowing some someone in a closet somewhere you know yeah because yeah i i don't know what i don't think shannon necessarily deserves a medal for staying with a cheating bastard by the way and he's like dear i'm sorry dear that i took you to a restaurant that you didn't like she's like it's not about the restaurant david it's just that you know it's my 50th birthday was terrible and i thought my 51st would be more than just a sports bar well dear i'm sorry but i'll have to i'll just work harder on a dear i know i'm a real fuck up sometimes dear to this whole family and it's me who's caused all the props whoops i have a business meeting dear so i'm gonna leave you here with your negative thoughts and i'll be right back after my business meeting is over probably around 230 in the morning and the bar is closed here she's like well i'll be right here because as we all know i'm lying in my grave here lie shannon bedore killed by david's infidelity i'm writing on my invisible blackboard right now that you have promised to come back and you have promised to continue this discussion where we left off considerate a blackboard bookmark david okay dear okay dear i'll be right back dear if you seem the lube i bought that new little tube of lube dear i haven't seen it have you david lube david what do you think about while moisturizing properly i love that you take care of yourself david do you do that for me out david do you see it's all working out link link link link i stayed and provided my husband with lube i did not leave i brought him the lube that he required so anyway when you have a 50 foot chandelier together that is what that's the sacrifice you make david let's both stand by the switch and lower the chandelier together yes dear we did it for the chandelier we would have done it for the children but they have turned into hooligan to toilet paper other people's homes and then complained about writing sorry letters so sorry girls uh love your mother sorry you see with that so hard david the only reason why we have to lower and raise the chandelier over and over again is if we leave it too far down the girls are going to tp it and we cannot have that in this house uh especially if they refuse to apologize to it afterwards and that's it though i don't want my chandelier having to deal with tweens david that's living with tweens chandelier i start pranks not my daughters if you want a prank you watch me do it okay that was a rocker once i know how to prank okay so yeah jimmy blah blah blah i love that david showed up in a dog collar yes hilarious how for me and um do you notice them showing david getting on one of those sex rings and then twirling around like a professional assertive solei what the fuck it was the most girls what was that it was the most whimsical moment in house life history david suddenly comes out is like a male dancer but that was some tricky shit that wasn't just like oh what it's a ring deer i'm gonna crawl on the ring deer and hang on for deer life deer no that was like talented sort of so late shit where did he learn that i don't know maybe he was full of surprises maybe he was uh doing some c actions swinging from his own chandelier lately and then i want list of all the different versions of certisolei that you have performed in with your girlfriend statement so then vicky shows up and she's the only one not wearing a stupid wig she shows up in like a white dress she's like i'm an angel and i love how you know who gets mom this is the mom party right oh you did not do that ronnie um so that i love how megan she's like she's basically saying fuck you theme party i'm like no she just decides she didn't want to dress up like an idiot you know because sometimes you know when you get invited to the theme party sometimes you just don't feel like dressing up you know it happens when you're an adult she was like you're saying fuck you to the theme hmm just like the way brooks has fuck you to chemo both party poopers yeah so what did him tall who cares god oh god so then we saw that yeah i mean i agree with megan that vicky said fuck you to the theme party but like who cares vicky is still vicky is not well she is stupid but she's smart for housewife stuff and she knows that she knows what tamar is doing and do we want to see vicky dressed up in that theme i don't think we do i i was very happy that vicky was in her her demure white dress just yeah just be happy about the doily dress and move on so then we saw the video which we already talked about and then afterwards there was a naked sushi model and i was like my first thought was is this one of lin curtain's daughters down there with the sushi on her no she doesn't have a dick in her mouth this girl was like posing with sushi on her face yeah um which was funny because later on vicky vicky went up to her and was like hey does your your mom would not be proud of you no like my mom yeah well i hope you're enjoying serving mam's shame because that's what your mom's eating tonight my mom is very proud of me right aren't you mam oh god you're lucky that your mom is still alive and wasn't able to be put in this table that you're laying on like a whore that's what you're lucky that's what you're lucky for young lady put some clothes on and go to you know you're a beautiful girl you know so come work for koto insurance let me guess because we have sushi all the time yeah yeah we get alberts and sushi all the time at koto okay and you don't have to wear it on your implants i mean look how much how much did you pay for those things and you're you're sitting here with fish on them that's not good that's not good for anybody i hope you're using a non-allergenic body butter by the way missy here's what here's what we're gonna do okay we're gonna put you in a full pan suit layo on the conference from table and put trays of sushi on top of you'll be totally healthy and you don't have to yeah don't have to be naked okay that's what i'll have to be in a tray to be on the tray oh we do that we have sushi fridays so for the rest of the time we're gonna just use just the coffee tray okay you're just gonna lay there and we're gonna balance some coffee pots on your implants okay so then i put a burden around you but i'd have to sell you insurance first you'll get a discount you'll get a discount because you can't work there um that poor girl laying there with the sushi and then being lectured by vicky with her face looking upside down and facing over her that's terrifying that it really is and by the way all the women were like i'm not gonna have the i'm not gonna have raw fish off of this woman it's so unsanitary i'm like at this party this is the least unsanitary thing that's happening because you don't get a say in sanitary anymore okay you're you're saying sanitation is over lady and meanwhile over in the corner heather is bleeding because she had a leech procedure done to her and um it like it really the leech has released anti-quagulant so she's been bleeding for the past day and has put has strapped maxi pads to her stomach and i can say wow like the only other one in this cast that has maxi pads in their house oh ladies oh my god she's like do you miss those maxi pads bicki because like she's bleeding that was the last time any of you said that um yeah heather was gross and then terry had a matching one because they both got leeches together yeah it's like the reason we do this is because sometimes people get their feelings her by cancer and you need to rejuvenate your inside coagul uh vitamin packs like heather please just stop why do they keep putting it to heather heather's face kept getting bigger and longer during this episode and she turned into core lines evil mom and she never even got mad i think it's the leeches yeah i think she it was actually have blood when when heather is having blood to pry from her brain she doesn't she becomes even killed i think maybe that's why she hasn't been so nasty this season because she's been having leech therapy all this time and is it like does not have enough blood in her system the leeches have like slowly uh liquefied the stick up her ass and are eating it she's like i'm bleeding stick out my ass yeah and now the leeches are really nasty to each other leeches like the leeches are the leeches are walking up to each other and saying i would like you to leave my house right now the leeches are i mean the leeches are like you do not know how to respect cake get out the leeches like this is my chair okay so you can get out of my chair the other leeches are like what is wrong with those leeches oh they've been you know they've been sucking on heather to bro oh she's like i've been sucking on tamara bitch bitch leech and uh leech uh vicki's describing the party she's like this party is so crazy i mean in here you got you know Coraline's mom bleeding from the stomach because she put leeches on her her husband's got matching leeches then you've got a stripper out there laying down with sushi on her lazy susan implants and then you know you look over here and you got Eddie you know pretending that he's not gay for our youtube what the heck is going on in the world and to miss all this Tamara has announced that the next day she's going to go consult a pasture about getting back to her sex party yeah like two seconds after she put down the bill though she's like yeah you guys took vicki tomorrow's the day batch i'm going to go see a pasture and vicki's like really are you back into dairy now i'm just like no really Tamara you're going to get baptized tomorrow no just planning a batch and that he's like what what the hell Tamara when did you become christian Tamara's like Eddie like i've been talking about nothing but jesus for like weeks he's like no you just say jesus fucking christ a lot when you like drop something in the kitchen i didn't know that that meant like i was married to a fucking born again now she's like yeah you're dead Eddie all i talk about i'm obsessed with that i'm obsessed with god batch tell everybody tell everybody like oh yeah yeah strip her out and your hamster face stop yeah and well of course uh as Tamara wants to go down this uh religious path of higher enlightenment she that of course will not stop her from stirring the pot which she does when she tries to get vicki and megan to hug she's like you guys hug now also and of course vicki has the most hilarious response she goes well you know you're not a nice person but i'll accept your apology wow you know you're a bad person you know you've been raised terribly but i'll accept your apology that's nice you know your heart is ugly you're heart is ugly and megan's like um stop like making fun of my tall heart like that's not cool you're only jealous of my heart because it's younger than you and it's like above your face like stop it's not nice and megan's like vicki's like what what did i do so what i mean you're a terrible i'm just saying you're a terrible person because you're a terrible person you have to be guilty yeah you're hurt ugly if you don't like being a horrible person then you know don't be a horrible person just being honest megan's like well you know what i know you cried about cease of the lion but what about all the giraffes that were killed what about all the tall animals let's talk about them too i like that vicki is in defense mode which means anything that she's about to say is going to be wrong and completely unjustified which it was she was awful like you're horrible human being megan you know you know what i hate horrible people like you you know megan i hope that tonight when you walk out into the street you're really thinking about how you hurt me when you get hit by a bus and it kills you that's what i'm hoping megan and then megan's like what do you have to be such a bird brain and then yeah freaking you're tanning oh no bird brain did you hear that she called you a bird brain oh a bird brain who talks to people like that who calls people a bird brain you have no respect calling someone a bird brain you see well it's funny because what i love is how vicki doesn't even say these things in an accusatory way like you're evil she just says it like like oh well it's just the way it is you know she's like oh well you know you're evil you know it's just like you know what just lower your eyes because you're very evil you know and so and i love how like so megan calls jimmy over and jimmy comes over and vicki's like you know i feel sorry i'm so sorry for you i feel for you because you're married to this one you're married to this tall tall person this very tall person she's so tall i don't think that she's getting enough oxygen to her brain so she says stupid she's evil up there she's stupid it's like going on to a ski slope do you ask the ski slope questions no because it's really high up in the air it doesn't know anything it's a ski slope that's what it's like being married to megan you know you slip in your slide and then boom you're at the bottom and you're like how did i get to the bottom and you know you're at the bottom and then you go find another hill to ski right jim am i right and he's like well actually uh megan didn't mean to say that your man did have cancer and she's like oh really yeah i did and she's like how would you feel how would you feel if we said that lian didn't which is so tacky by the way she's like what if we said lian didn't have cancer and he's like oh i would go to get lian and i would march down to the doctor and demand to see her records and then i would take those records and i would show everybody the records and vicki's like oh yeah that's where we're different we're different on that one nope not going to the doctor no records okay i have to find her have i just yell i just yell and just say that she's evil that's how i that's how i handle it and by the way we have to mention the fact that after megan called vicki birdbrained uh then they start to fight again and um and megan walked away and because by felicia i was like oh well at least you got it right unlike heather from new york city but you know it's bad news when vicki is saying by felicia that's really bad news oh god Felicia didn't even get that that is hilarious she said that and me well yeah and me well Shannon has her eyes are wide open Felicia who's Felicia Felicia i didn't i didn't know someone named Felicia was gonna be here why didn't you tell me i couldn't run to check on her how do i know if they've been slept with just Felicia who's Felicia i'm having negative thoughts now by 30 oh uh uh uh uh uh uh Felicia we're Shannon and Shannon's like going crazy trying to fight this other fight and she looks like an idiot because she's in a purple wig yeah but her leaning over vicki who also looks like an idiot in her non costume uh while they're sneaking at somebody's husband and calling his wife a bitch over and over again and he's just staying as calm as can be which is visibly scaring vicki because not that she's scared of him like abusing her but right afraid that someone else with an actual brain like she can't just push this guy around he's kind of like i was impressed that he basically was he was and he was being doing this like exasperated tired way of like no she didn't mean it she shouldn't have gotten involved she should have she she overstepped her bounds but what she meant from a good place by Dina yeah but uh that's just the way it is and she apologized and i'm sorry i'm we're gonna walk away we're gonna never say it again whenever somebody bounce oh yeah yeah yeah yep and when she when they ask the questions i loved his answers like telling her well actually i would march to the doctor and get the papers yeah because even if it was just said by a psychic it would peak my curiosity and i would have to know because like oh yeah no i just ask him that's where we're different you know he tells me i believe i'm binder so you know it's good i just have a binder of stuff that brooks tells me and you know it's on construction paper and a crayon and i put it in there and that's it he did manage to sort of take like calmed vicki down by the end i mean she still riled up but she was being a little bit more like like she was he wasn't she was packing she was she was like you know what i was like with him because she was like well you acidified her stupid ass yeah and she's like well because also you know what like he's able to to um to articulate the situation much better than stupid mega you know so finally because like you know what i respect you but you know what though talk to me in five years when you're divorced jim you know which was by the way in horrible but horrible thing to say because she just got you know she's right you know someone just smacked vicki down in a fight and totally beat her hands down like everybody was embarrassed watching it because he was just beating her yeah so bad so then he just walks away from her which no one walks away from vicki so he walks away from her and she's mortified and babbling like an idiot to herself and you know to vicki not only is it a strong man but it's someone way richer than her and if there's one thing that vicki actually respects in the world it's money he wears so that guy just won on every account walked away blew her off and she was like oh yeah late jimba have five five years when you're getting a divorce and then of course walks right back over to him oh i sincerely apologize about calling your stupid wife stupid oh god i'm so embarrassed i hope she's only evil insurance she's only evil and that's stupid but then so then jimmy yells at meghan and he's like he's like uh like please don't ever don't put me in that position ever again da da da da da da da and she's like oh man oh she's like and he's like don't put me in that position like you should have just shut up but uh and then so then she walks and she's my husband's being a deck big a deck shut up and then poor friend has to listen to meghan's constantly changing hatreds it's like how many times has she stomped up to that girl like bicki's a bitch my husband's a dick that waiter brought me shamps i'm not drinking that stupid that's heathers thing i need my own brand everything's stupid you know what i hate i hate when i go to starbucks and they ask me what side and they suggest tall i'm like are you saying that because i'm tall it's so mean it's like star pulling us you know well the best part is at the very end of the episode so jimmy and meghan we're driving home and they're sort of hashing it out and and jimmy was saying you know what i always support you blah blah blah blah blah and meghan's like she describes why she even got into it like she goes i care because justice occurs you know me in justice he's like yeah okay you need to stop watching law and order yeah i i care about justice right you know me in justice you know like working for those pharmaceutical companies that's all we stand for justice like we just want to make sure the proper medication gets into the right people and we're totally not trying to just sell people random prescriptions for diseases that don't exist jim it's called justice okay you know me in justice shut up meghan you're like married to a guy for like the third it's like his third shut up with your sense of justice i know she's like i'm basically on the back of xy furniture i know she's like i'm basically the batman of orange county because i care about justice so much i'm like the the chick in the justice statue that's like holding the wing trays and like wing stuff with a blindfold on and i'm like you know what these skills aren't even i need justice because me in justice right man he's like oh shut up please shut up and by the way there was absolutely nothing uh in this fight that had anything to do with justice nothing yeah nothing and then shannen's in the background like why is meghan holding scales that's not nice oh oh great miss 30 year olds calling me fat well it must be my hungry eyes great and notice the way that she has a blind fold on because she doesn't want people to see her justice eyes justice is blind i doubt it meghan keep poking with your justice mind i wish you were so i didn't see your disapproval while you looked at my horribly fat body i start justice meghan your justice eyes oh don't grow stones if you live in uh the mid east i started that meghan i started that who's this so justice i'm i don't know so next week looks amazing i think he's like oh really well everybody who's still here at this sex party that i won't celebrate because i don't want to have sex with cancer that cancer loves sex the other day brooks was feeling so bad from his non-cancer that he went golfing with jimmy and jimmy told them that he was miserable more than half the time in their merits that's a huge rate for insurance here we go here we go great gonna be great to be good it's gonna be great can't wait um i can also shannon gets a fancy evening at home with david they're all dressed up in formal clothes and the kids are serving them and they're like we just want to make your marriage better and it's so heartbreaking it's sad and then shannon's like the service here is terrible why would you bring me to a place like this i hate everybody who works here david david how did you do this to me two years and two days apart in a row david david david the children put too much sugar in this sauce david did you take your mistress here to this restaurant this is the only restaurant we can go to in town that you haven't taken your mistress and the staff sucks david thanks a lot i'm officially never eating again which i guess everyone else is going to be happy about since they constantly make fun of my bad body so david is it the deal now you've gone to so many restaurants that the staff even knows about our relationship troubles david david took your mistress here didn't you can i even do laundry anymore david have you had sex with a laundry detergent david just tell me i'm not sure if i can have what be with you tonight i'm not sure i can even be intimate yes dear yes dear yes dear oh i'm sorry dear just put some sauce on it been striking a lot dear i'm sorry everything's my fault dear oh david don't start that with me oh no no no no i wasn't saying that dear i wasn't being passive aggressive i was just referencing the fact that everything is indeed my fault because i was paying attention to you but in my mind i was having sake with some friends on the way to a trip david how could you do that huh david had some sake in his mind well that's great david never used to drink in his mind now he drinks in his mind all the time how are you gonna get a how are you gonna get an angry stomach if you're only drinking in your mind answer that answer answer dr moon's question check mark david david i don't want you driving in the car if you've been drinking in your mind david you can drink in your mind but do not let your mind drive david all right david got a do you die driving under the dreaming influence uh david this is embarrassing uh uh david in this dream life that you're living have you cheated and he's like yes it was the best dream time of my life but i know i hurt my dream family so i'm really sorry david have you fine i'll i'll go to sleep tonight and go to the dream wall green to get you some poster board and some glitter glue and you can tell the dream kids all about it tomorrow and our dream meeting no big okay dear david have you been drinking with friday crueger david david he's very dangerous i don't want you bringing him around i don't like these people you're hanging out with i don't like this new crowd you're hanging out with david i cannot sleep i've been up for five days on butterfly spinal fluid because if i go to sleep david is going to have an affair with friday crueger and that's just it that's just it no more sleep for me david david i want you to return the castor mattress it makes me go to sleep too easily we're just going to stand from now on at night oh god tired eyes they're new and they're mad at angry eyes here we go oh we should officially just take a nap at this point i know but you know what though i can't so fun ronnie i can't take a nap right now you know why because my time is precious all right oh no your time is precious too and i know you want to feed your mind with the best of what's out there but who has the time to sit through all the nonsense of the internet am i right you are ben keep telling me more well for those of us who want premium content and don't have time to waste it finding it there's next issue next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime anywhere using your phone or tablet shall i tell you more or please ben keep telling me well uh next issue has all sorts of iconic magazines like people vogue esquire time and more and next issue lets you dive deeper into the story with interactive content for a richer reading expirance uh shall i go on um no you guys get stop listening to ben and start listening to me okay for next issue right now you'll get immediate access to all the top magazines including back issues and exclusive videos and photos you know what you can't do on a people magazine you cannot click on the picture of kate plus eight nothing happens but on our next issue you can see kate moving a rant in a circle you can judge every angle of that bad kate care yeah i um i and i've mentioned this last week and i'll mention it again i have actually discovered that next issue is a great thing to look at when you're sitting on the toilet um i have i have and don't forget to read our facebook page while you're on there that's a lot of toilet reading you're gonna get a hemorrhoid well i don't look at next issue every time i'm on the toilet i sort of alternate but um it's really noon poop well i think i i think i subscribe to men's health and men's fitness partially for the pictures but honestly i was like oh these are some good tips that of course i never follow but they there's a way i also went on to uh i subscribed to um bon appetit they sort of are at cross purposes subscribing to bon appetit and men's health but you know life is full of contradictions no they're not because you know what pictures of food cannot make you fat that's right that's right you keep subscribing done and just don't actually make anything from there or do push up so both awful experiences well you know what the best part is that next issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to next issue dot com slash crappins that's right you can try next issue for free right now when you go to next issue dot com slash crappins hashtag afternoon poop yay thanks next issue for being with us dullings it's actually a really good thing and i'm loving using it i i actually am really loving using it so let's move on to real houses of New York City reunion part three oh my god you know they're scraping i'm sorry i'm adjusting my mic sorry if there's a funny noise there but couch desk assume um couch desk readjust before i become a part of this cheap ass leather okay my right girls anyway um oh yeah that's a call back to christian tatte from fanderpump's rules doing stand-up which is the bonus episode chicken ad um so anyway uh new york they're scraping the bottom of the barrel when 15 entire minutes are devoted to sonya's non-business i mean my god that whole first part was sonya and it was like just listening to crazy crazy blabbery nonsense i know over and over again well i liked what i liked about it was heather insisting that she was supportive of sonya after we saw an entire montage of her being the exact opposite she's like well this is not a collection well i'd like to see you were the buyers i don't know i mean she has nothing and then she said was went rest does not a collection bank i didn't make up the rules about what a collection is or isn't the fashion industry did and according to them sonya's not doing anything that's all i said i said it's supportive we she's like hey mama that's all you know i mean i just i don't think it's a real brand i don't there's no inventory but i'm totally supportive uh there's no inventory you know i mean it's like your foyer there's nothing in there except cold you know and that's what your business is like you've left me standing alone in the cold bitch goodbye felicia fashioner i love how this started though because andi is just such a bit he's like well earlier this season everybody was making fun of one particular face that you can't even recognize anymore they were calling her scarlet d for delusional yeah somewhere a shaw is waiting for a toaster that will never arrive i know and her name is sonya and she's a loser and probably freezing from a cold weather last night because she doesn't have a heater as sonya how you doing huh well sonya probably heard it as but you know like sonya hears it as well this season started with a fashion impreserio who got the top members of the world coming like madonna and john john from the grave and princess die and anac and and what's her face and also christian made fun of your toaster yeah yeah and christian made fun of your toaster the best part was that that sonya was saying that madonna came to the fashion show but she didn't come inside because there was no security at the front door that made no i was like what oh she's crazy they never had on that madonna thing she's like she did come she was outside security and they're like uh she was in england they were like she was in england sonya she's like no she wasn't she was there she was there holding the only bagel she's ever held because she needed it to get toasted so don't say anything about my toaster because how dare you i'm an international brand and he's like so i know what you're all thinking at home now about that stupid delusional brocore let's ask bethany which she thinks yeah oh my god you know what i think you know i think i actually have an international brand if you ask me a question about international brand i'm gonna be on the floor crying okay because it's just too much for me to deal with okay i got too many brands happening too much is happening there's no brain my walls are up i'm gonna i'm crying i'm crying i'm crying because brand number one here comes international brand number one around the circle here comes international brand number two international two is coming up on international one wait wait wait you know what horse i don't see international brand zone yet don't see it but my international horse is coming around the band and it looks like i'm gonna win and thank god i put it all around it even though i don't gamble i don't gamble i don't know gambling who's gambling quite huh what would you ask me what a little literally tell me right now come here right now like there's no there's no inventory okay and it's supposed to be in shelves like three weeks ago like you know what i do i have an international brand it's like too much men i mean seriously enough like just stab me in the heart okay i can't deal with it okay my i just want to cry okay walls are up eric stone street crying on the floor eric stone street lock on the pantry because i know you and i like you now you know i know you i want your heart to last so lock on the pantry stop crying eric stone street's crying coming around the corner crying crying crying take place when it's low number one's number one's lapping him number one's lapping eric stone street laugh eric stone street suck it i mean i don't need to compete with my brain i don't need to compete with the man who is that i'm an international brand sees nets and they were all so tired by this time yeah and it was just so funny because Sonia couldn't even remember what lie she told when about what they're like so sonya uh this team of yours it's their job right like yes you know but they're not you know they're not my team it's like i own 50% and then they share the rest oh okay so you're a consultant yeah she's a no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no we're partners as a part i think actually at this point i zoned up because uh it was just like minutia about and then they cut to the partners and he's like listen here this is where it goes and then the other one's like i know it sounds crazy but like internationally store funding in the thing okay and that's what i'm saying we can't talk about it because we're in talks um but my favorite part of the entire thing was when the women decided they just wanted to like uh put it to sleep sonya goes i'm realizing my dream and then heather and christen gave these really patronizing claps they're like golf clap golf clap well like congratulations sonya sonya like my dream was to have a website where women would wear clothes that indian men couldn't describe and i've accomplished it you know like uh you know that the website doesn't work right like you click on something to buy it and you can't she's like well it's the marketing the website is the marketing and then the clothes and then remona suddenly pipes up out of nowhere as the expert on something suddenly and she's like well then you know what he's how it works okay it's not like the old days where they would make a thousand dresses of the same kind and you could just go to the fashion industry district and you could say hey they're chow i need this dress and he'd be like okay i have about five hundred uh like you can't do that now because it's all different so now to order now dress now you go on the internet and then you pay five thousand dollars to sonya and then you just wait for a truck to pass and for it to fall out of it because mario didn't secure it enough when you stole it in the first place okay okay you know i'm sorry but now when you want to dress and you go on the internet they cut it to order i'm sorry that's the new world okay one time when i was a kid i once called up a department store i said hey can i get a dress i want to be yellow i want to remind me of sunshine and they said no the only dresses we have are remona blue i said okay great i love remona blue that's my name that's my color okay and they said okay so um wait 30 minutes and when you hear the doorbell it's the dress and so the doorbell rang and open the door i was jellied in parsley smith and she said no dress for you i stole it so that's when i learned i have to steal dresses if i want to get my dresses okay sorry go on the website right now and find a dress because it's not like the old days where there was just all this shiny material laying around for people to make dresses with and so now there's not as much shiny material because of global warming and it's like when i was a little girl and i wanted to dress because it was really hot in our house and my dad was being really nice to me and my mom and i said mom i want a new dress and he said you're a stupid bitch and so now when i think of global warming i think about my dad being meked me in the house in the Berkses and that's why i'm wearing shiny dress me a conditioning okay and then he threw spaghetti at my mom's face okay so you know what i uh i don't buy dresses anymore i just steal them why i'm here naked today i just steal them from Bethany okay i'm sorry if they all say you know what but it's okay it's it's a new me it's a new me i wanted to say i did a show last week and uh i had to we were supposed to do like an avant garde piece it was an art gallery which of course horrifies me because like i'm not artistic like those people can see right through me they're like you fake loudmouth piece of shit anyway so i did the show and i was like well it would be avant garde of me for this audience to read excerpts from the housewives books because that shit's hilarious and i know these people don't know what the fuck i'm talking about right so i started with Ramona's book and i hadn't pre-read anything i just downloaded the samples off amazon you know Ramona i had to stop the whole thing because Ramona is so gross she's like i hi i'm reading a book you know you're reading this book because i'm famous and i just wanted to say you know i'm a victim of abuse and i couldn't find true brand new wall until i started to look at the abuse on the show okay and so i see myself on the show and i think about the abuse and all the true brand new wall it brought me and i'm like are you really plugging your skincare line over and over again while using uh domestic abuse in your pitch in a biography you tacky fucking bitch like seriously gross Ramona gross gross gross so then so then we moved on to an extended montage and segment about is a widow montage which was like serious and fine whatever my favorite part though is when Derinda she uh started to describe like how it affected you know like how it helped to relationship with carol and made them friends and everything and she was like Derinda literally pulled out yet another strange metaphor she's like you know what you know what mr. Jetson sometimes death is like a one pillow you get this one pillow and i get this one pillow and that would bed share a pillow together oh yeah yeah in a bed with a pillow and you're like my husband said i'm like my two and then we're like friends you know i just feel like Sherry Coppillo a dead husband with the bed you know what i mean like it was amazing okay we were together i like Sherry Coppillo of all of us but well she gets a pillow and i got a pillow but but the best part is that we're all in a potato sack together and i decided i was gonna customize my pillow so i took out the chaos crayon i just draw on dress so you better back up back up with your pillow okay back girl like she loved the death pillow so much she was gonna learn to stitch you know because like this thing with like the ladies they sit around and they stitch a bit you know so we were like like sitting around gonna learn but i was like oh my god you just have to get that husband and then carol was like oh it's so hard for me to feel things then we like not to do you know what i mean because like bed has been a while it's like between us i know i slept so well it was the light the london the light from london was like like you better back it up you better back it up with a with black out curtains because i want the light i want the light the london light it's different you know it's uh light before and light after this isn't gonna happen it's wonderful it is so wonderful like me with carol it loved it because like she she learned how different the the light is they you mean that husband pillow like she was coke out of her mind what was wrong with her she looked totally cornered she looked like a cornered rescue dog like just terrified she was like yeah that's so fun mary that's how i bet you uh the first time i bet her was self-bodied because it was like this event i came off to it i was like carol my husband said too and then you were like what like looking around the room remember and then and carol's like no she's like yeah remember because that's like the first time i bet you it's like i was the fan of you mr. Jensen you know like i'm just spinning around like like uh vacuuming this room in like a ritz carol does it's something it likes some event right and then carol's there and i was like oh my god we both have dead hustles we're right remember carol them up carol's like no yeah she's like yeah you're way different she's like and you went running you went running away from me and i was like why are you running away we both have dead husband if you don't want a sandwich don't have a sandwich but you know and i can't help but we both have dead husband you know so i was late with that uh late aga and without a pillow yeah you're next gonna hurt the next day right but i do what day we were friends that i could explain it was it was all going to be okay because that was friends right carol right and then meanwhile carol's like looking terrified oh my god she's having like flashback some of you've a drusher coming up to be like i am such a fan but you didn't write your book okay so um meanwhile and all of this Ramona just falls asleep she's passing Ramona falls asleep and that's funny i rewound and you don't notice it while it's happening but the editors are are inter splicing cuts of Ramona you know getting groggier and groggier and groggier like her her blinks are getting slower and then finally she just passes out and then of course when they're like Ramona or did you fall asleep and the when she puts up her fingers at number three and she goes she had three glasses like oh that's great girl good yeah she's like yeah doing the drink the air drink back she's like a drunk am i right drunk drunk lately shit faced is that funny i'm just pointing it out because we're friends darling we're friends that's why i'm telling the world you're drunk it's not girl good it's not just because i'm humiliating you on tv does not mean it's a violation of girl good of course yeah listen to the song i mean that's why lyrics exist to teach you things let's just be a teachable three and a half minutes of your life and listen to the song on i too okay um i this whole carol the whole carol thing is really weird to me this reunion because she looks so different first of all she's figured out some new spray tan it's no longer orange it's like brown which i said before but it's like pink brown now today i was like i liked carol's skin tone i thought carol looks really good um change person in a native american like casino indian store but uh still like her but she's just like blinking confusedly and then they were showing that home montage of like the the dead husband thing in london and i thought this is the wackiest relationship carol went to london and is bringing home her old man husband who's dead to meet her young man guy they're all going to be living together this is going to be wacky and dorinda's going to be like the larry and the threes company like oh just say goodbye let me like go wrinkle beagle fuck you like very go beagle loves the wacky like your young guy and your ghost husband and your wacky friend dorinda yeah yeah it was uh yeah and luanda always trying to catch you in something yeah well i heard that's not what's happening oh so glad to hear that i just misunderstood everything i love luanda's become a master of like when she just wants to deflect something she puts her hand up and she just paws it away like oh well whatever what we all get drunk but you know whatever and she just paws at the air like whatever um so then was the content i mean i didn't even mean to say that uh luanda was the countess and then she was luanda and then she was like this weird countess luanda hybrid left last year and now she's just like large march she's just like some fucking cursing trucker who bends over and puts her elbow on her knee when she's yelling at somebody which i've never seen her do she like her face like contorts when she's yelling i don't know if she's drinking or what but i'm loving it whatever it is keep it up turning well well the this beastly new lulan came out in the in the last 20 minutes of the show when they started getting into tricks and take us and the first thing is uh first Andy asks uh romana why she is so crazy when she looking for bathrooms whenever she goes into a new house like why is she such a deranged tourist and i love how romana's like you know what i'm a creature of habit okay i can't help it okay you know what when i go into a house i need to find a bathroom immediately okay i'm sorry i just need it i love that i love that and i'd love to have that question was uh phrased as well and he's like so romana uh natalie from not to choose its road island wants to know why you're a cut fitness she's like well look you know sometimes like you are who you are you're into trixin cake house like who am i i'm romana you know like if they have those little stick of things that you would put on your shiny dress it took like five months to get here after paying five thousand dollars because things don't work the way they used to i would write hello my name is romana okay and then i would wear it and then nobody would ask who i am all the time like why do you have to ask who i am i'm romana okay that's what i do okay okay i'm sorry i'm sorry but i'm not sorry i'm sorry for not being sorry so there you go yeah so then um then there's talk about drunkenness uh this this cracked me up when sonya was saying that luan doesn't put her to bed and luan looked like she was going to lose her shit because you know that luan has probably put sony to bed many many many many times and luan put her hands up to her head it was like uh like she was having a countess meltdown it was great it was great it was great so good and then dorinda gets coked up again the third hour was actually the best which doesn't always happen and it was the best because they were literally falling asleep yeah and they were just all crazy Bethany kept going into these crazy rants that didn't mean anything she was like squatting on the floor she's like what what like what it's a vagina like what what i have to show my vagina look i'll show it i'll be on the floor squeezing my vagina okay okay i'm like what it's going on on this show and then dorinda starts babbling again she's like yes if i like don't even call me dorinda luan did that's like don't even call me that they call me dorris yeah that's why she was calling me that because luan did like they don't call me dorinda because it's hard or something so they're like call me dorris it's so funny and like richard like all he cared about was like look at me like i was isn't a team you know so like even if i beg for the cake you'd be like oh god you beg the cake am i right guys look crazy but i don't want to cuddle with it that that that has been uh come on guys let's cuddle up with the blanket cuddle up cuddle up cuddle up guys all right guys like um you're obviously coked out of your mind please be quiet you're not making it look good for yourself i know i also loved uh so well i guess eventually i mean there was there was a lot of talk about various things happening in terms of kickos but for me it only got really interesting when they started talking about the whole incident and so they uh so so Andy asked Ramona and Luan to describe what happened we were the guys etc etc etc so i love how Ramona starts off it's like well you know what we all went out we went to karaoke bar you know karaoke karaoke karaoke karaoke karaoke karaoke karaoke karaoke karaoke is that how you say kadoos kadoos kadoos kadoos kadoos kadoos kadoos putting it's the pudding it's the pudding it's the pudding that's made out of rice okay you know i sang a song and they'll give me kadoos for it okay i sang a very good song it's called "We are the World" which is a song about bathrooms around the world anyway my favorite bathroom we went to a karaoke bar and we brought some guys back that's all and then we brought some guys back so but so we were at the karaoke bar and this guy he was really tired and he was like can i just sleep kicks i'm tired and i was like sure uh really he's gonna sleep at the karaoke bar you just gave him permission to sleep at the karaoke bar Ramona then how did he end up at your house no no no she said no they went back to the house and he he didn't want he was like we're having fun and then he's like can i stay here and i was like who am i what do i know this is maybe this is what people do i don't know i don't date i'm new i'm new it's all we're in new world dating what huh okay i was drunk i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry take a Xanax okay i'm sorry i was drunk i told him just to go into a bed you know just i said listen listen get into the bed now there are girls up there so you absolutely cannot use the bathroom okay and then you have to leave before anyone sees you okay which i guarantee none of that happened let me think that mattered she's like look i told them don't use the bathroom okay you can't be here or poo or watch your hands okay like i sat down to fools like so it was a stranger like maybe he could rape you but he wouldn't leave peace sprinkles on the seat okay like i did my duty i'm a friend girl code and and he's like is that girl code she's like i didn't write this wrong why do i have to have girl code you know like i have renewal i'm renewed like girl code that's gluain's thing ask gluain meanwhile luain they started asking luain about this married guy that she apparently hooked up and then luain's like oh well i mean he was he was getting divorced but you know whatever it's not important and then she's and then they're like well so luain who is this guy she's like well i was just i wasn't with the married man we just we just merely walked to the beach and they're like no because they were like what about the walk on the beach she's like beach what beach i've never seen a beach walking on a beach what are you talking about no uh yeah you walked with him on the beach and then you brought him home and fucked him even though he had a wedding ring on just like oh what is right what what's a wedding ring i mean what is that it's like a a ring that people i mean what do i know it's a ring like uh what do i know it's i'm not gonna judge somebody's ring who am i am i own woman i can do whatever i want yeah she then she gets managed goes i'm a grown woman i can do what i want well luain you were the one who's just been like lambasting lambasting lambasting whatever um carol for like a whole episode earlier about the fact that she is like boinking at him so why is it that if you're a grown woman you can do whatever you want but carol apparently is not allowed to do whatever she wants well okay so maybe he was married but at least he wasn't married to somebody who dated my niece because that would be a murderable offense and i would murder it that's not girl code and at least he didn't walk into my room without asking which Bethany was my hero yet again in this section because when she was like what are you pretending that you didn't purposely go in there thinking she had a man you just said you thought she had a man there that was married like you just said it right now you just said it right now you just said it right now you just said right now that you thought she was with a married man and then you go in there i mean what were you trying to do i mean come on what were you trying to do to you know her do i know you i mean i know you i know you right because of you i know because otherwise if you wouldn't do that then i don't know you i don't know who you are who are you i'm sleeping Bethany was Bethany was good because she was based she i mean she did tell her like okay you're doing like the scarlet or hair i think you're being overly dramatic about the situation you were i mean like you you could have felt violated but you were being like out of control crazy there was a man in our room and then but what i loved though is that louan would not shut up about the fact that they wanted to a room without knocking she's like so what were you doing in my room what were you doing in my room i'm like louan can't you see the footage i mean it's it's obvious that heather has lost her mind they were not going in there to bust you remember they were though i totally agree that they were they were totally busting her on purpose no i don't even when they confronted carol and Bethany's like you totally did you just said that you knew that she was in there with some married guy and that and then you burst in there with cameras if they are like you know i didn't think she would be that stupid no no no no no no no no no no they if they wanted if they were trying to bust the land they would have gone to louan first i'm sorry they went to they went to remona like heather was just being a lunatic remona says talk to louan so heather goes and barged into louan's room i think they barged in and and and louan's like huh and then louan has this whole thing because you probably just kicked a guy out of her bed probably about 20 minutes before it's probably a close call and so that's why louan is incensed because it could have been caught and that's why she keeps on saying this thing like what if my son had seen well it's like you know what if you didn't want your son to see anything you probably should have not brought a guy home i mean it's like and would she say something like uh oh god but johnnie deb oh my god if my son knew could you imagine didn't she say something like that i was like well they were talking about that like andy andy was kind of what andy was trying to say was listen you've been caught before you you know you know not to get caught again so why you there are tons of cameras so why are you acting surprised that the cameras would be there because louan was like i was stampeded by cameras stampeded you know and then that's when bethany was like okay now you're being like scarlet jojara jojara jojara that would be funny it's like the the most tamed scarlet ohara ever scarlet jojansen she just be like i'm never going to be poor again and then she turns into a usb drive walking this all jerking off to her home lily in the back up but um but i you know i think that's what andy is getting to you know andy andy's saying andy of course being a total bitch again was like well we all remember last year when wacky louan was caught fucking johnnie dap on camera then there was like he goes through all this stuff where they caught louan and he's like louan why are you so stupid like you know there's cameras and i think louan if i had to guess from knowing this crazy bitch only from the show my guess would be her thought was but i know their schedule if i'm gonna fuck a guard vacation i know when to fuck him when there's not cameras around and i know when to get him out of my room when there's not cameras around so when i have two old harpies coming into my room screaming about how i just fucked somebody that's not girl code and i see what she's saying like she's i get it yeah but i wish a lot of i don't know no no i think okay we're no cameras around how dare you no no no she is blaming them like you know i can understand why she's annoyed yeah let her be a no she should have been annoyed and she should have uh like at this point she just should have dropped it it's just such a she's the the outrage is so above and beyond but like the thing is that like ultimately you can't be mad at them if you're the one doing the indiscretion you know like the girl code it's not up to them if they're losing their mind like i don't know i just don't i understand why she's annoyed and she's she's allowed to be annoyed and she's allowed to say you know what next time please not because i could have had a guy in there and yeah but then to make the rest of the season about slut shaming Carol yeah that's not right but she was pulling her niece into it and doing all that as well and for her to have this this insanity on the reunion when she's like you totally violated my privacy imagine my son had seen that on tv you know oh really because he saw you wasted the next day on camera in a bikini like slurring out be cool don't be uncool like the thing that was so funny about that was because it was just so like crazy and off the cuff for her to say because she basically let her stomach out yeah you know like she couldn't hold she couldn't hold her real personality in for a second and i love yes that's what was so funny and when they're showing the clip of it it's like her looking like an ass but she's just sitting there on the couch laughing like it's the funniest thing oh god the season was fun it's like you look like a drunk idiot on tv well that was her best moment i know that was her best moment and her best moment was beat was was uh it came from her being an ass uh without even knowing what she was also but she was also at that moment she was telling everyone to chill the fuck out it's no big deal that's why it doesn't make any sense i mean it does but it's like it seems so counterintuitive that then she would now be still like having these like these moments of outrage when she was telling people to just relax no big deal and then she starts then she's sitting here saying on the reading being like i mean could you imagine i was fast asleep i mean come down my favorite was when sonya she goes let's just move the table and put the mud in i laughed out a lot of that but then the strangest part of all so finally luens like listen i get a header that you know you were upset by a man there but like you walked in and Heather's like well thank you for saying that you understand why i was upset that's all i've been asking and luens like oh and then she gets up and gives her like a strange Danielle stop hug you know i was like that was weird because well because he's like oh look all i wanted was little privacy because you know how sensitive i am when i'm fucking a married person in the room you know Heather all i wanted was you to be my girlfriend and Heather goes oh i'm sorry which i thought was i thought Heather sounded sarcastic yeah that's what i thought and then but luen took it seriously so luen's like oh okay so oh yeah luen at least knows when she's lost the 20th time yeah oh my god and it looked like and then she said to uh carol razzle she's like she's like well i'm still not sure if i'm ready for you yet razzi but it was sort of said in a jokey tone which makes you think that maybe that's going in the right drawer i don't know it was so bizarre this whole part was amazing because they all just got up and pretended it was over and started hugging each other and and he was like okay whatever let him let him finish so good it was so good this show is so crazy oh we missed the whole part of kristin um after the whole slut sequence kristin going ramona listen here from someone who is observing this on a ladder from above a box that she's not invited to what you did was not cool it was sloppy it was disgusting and you're a whore and ramona's like okay well you know what the new me is it's like that's fine you know i'm not gonna apologize because you don't like that and i'm not gonna say i'm sorry sorry okay i'm not gonna say it so there you go and Heather's like that's right like wow good one Heather good one i mean good one kristin good one big good one okay so let's go on to mary to metasan as we enter the fifth hour of the podcast definitely to medicine so the big story is that heaven is having a launch party for her app um and okay her her dating app where you can see other people but they can't see you yeah okay ugly girls and boys you've gotten app like what kind of app is that and what kind of people sign up to be the ones that are seen no one because i went on to the app store while the show is airing and the reviews it was like not a lot of reviews in general but the ones that were there were pretty much all one star and everyone was like there are four people on this app and it doesn't work and we hate it no one likes it every time you click on the app it's just heavenly that pops up and she goes don't be a whore girl don't be a whore no man wants a whore girl like uh i downloaded that for a lecture from heavenly thank you yeah like i said a dating ask a man what he wants you to do girl daddy daddy oh every time you get a message from someone your phone goes you have one message from everyone just as you can have your own career just do the dishes first bitch oh reply okay daddy yes daddy or thank you daddy so anyway so toy i was gonna go this app party and uh ujin isn't able to make it maybe he's making some more deliveries for normat and d uh what he should have did was clear up a schedule but um so uh she's toy is trying to look all cute for the party and ujin is like why do you have to look cute for a singles party when your husband's not there because then guys are gonna think you're looking for a date and toy is like well then maybe you should get me a bigger ring somebody they see give me a bigger ring i'm like oh my god this woman is gonna drive them into the poor house poor house i love that laurie calls her uh toy of the income destroyer on the facebook page that kills me every time because it's so true every episode is toya wanting to spend money on something else and he's like babe you shouldn't be going to a singles event without me and then trying to look sexy on purpose and she's like babe i'm a what they do is i look good you know i'm a dating expert babe like my whole point is like i look good you know because people like they don't want to have sex with me i go under this party like that's how you do it you know because i know dating i'm into multiple relationships i believe it i'm like what are you talking about right now you like to stop talking right now she's like oh jean i know all about dates okay like i know that december 25th is christmas i know july 4th is july 4th i know the january first new years i know everything about dates okay i can totally do this i'm like the kazaa of dating oh toya um so to oh i like the dating habit she never dated oh yeah she's like yeah i have really need some help because she you know she has this dating yeah but she doesn't even she never even dated nobody she just found a guy who looked like a hedgehog and then she got married to him and now she knows what he says like oh toya which is true though heavenly making a dating app is hilarious yeah it's just submit just submit whatever the man wants just do it the end think daddy daddy so then uh uh so then the party comes and uh and so heavenly decides so Claudia Jordan is there this is a fall from grace for Claudia Jordan she's axed from real house was of atlanta and the ricky smiley show so now she has to make cameo appearances on marriage medicine which is very sad but Claudia is there because she's the big guest star and they're going to use the app to find her a man so to do this they're going to do a like dating show kind of thing and so they ran it ran up some bachelor's they're going to put him in the back room etc and one of the bachelor's is has gone missing so so heavenly is like there and you know you dad you need to look like you're straight so only put you in the back room also dad don't you rather people think you were fucking around with girls wouldn't you dare this will come for you dad i'm turning your favorite there send Aaron's like okay and so he goes up there and then they tell Lisa Nicole and she starts freaking out and they're showing the camera from her point of view and they're just showing a confused dumb face Darren like behind a curtain and it was like found up to the mom jeans back there he's just looking like stupid and mom jeans and confused and she's like Darren this is inappropriate you get out of there right now Darren this is completely disgusting yeah and she was uh and then like Lisa Nicole was a little yelling at Darren like a childhood climbed up onto a surface he was not supposed to be on like down for their right now right now you get down from there right now before that stripper breaks your nose right now do not slide down the stripper again Darren do not do it Darren got the hell out of there and then he spent the rest of the party on the exact opposite side of the room from his wife oh my god so then the then the dating game is going on and like one of the questions is something like besides besides god and family what's the most important thing and some guys like synergy and so then so then so then they asked heaven he's like can you spell synergy please so he's like S Y N E R G I E and everyone's like oh my god no he spelled it wrong and my favorite was Toya being like don't use words you can't even spell I'm like Toya you're still probably using those magnetic letters on the fridge you know I'm not kidding you wouldn't be able to speak ever if that was the case shut up but it's you know it's bad when even Toya knows how to spell synergy and you don't so it's because you g i was telling you jing synergy inject people with synergy they'll go crazy for it well just synergies so um so then the next big thing that happens now we move on to the next set piece of the show or or the preset piece which is that uh chill it's gonna have a prohibition party what oh yikes so it's very important for us to have this party because we want to show people plastic surgery isn't just a surgery that you get plastic you know people use it for different things yeah like uh thanks gel thanks for clarifying what this party is is this a domestic abuse party or a plastic surgery fashion show like from the nuesture her party i'm like did i just get lisened he got lisened but gill um here's the thing joel was making no sense because she was telling people it's a party that's saying we want to prohibit violence against women we want to prohibit domestic abuse we want to prohibit mean things from happening but then the invitation says it's a prohibition party because we want to have no prohibitions against anything you can be yourself i'm like first of all it's inhibitions not prohibitions and second of all is this a no prohibitions party or many prohibitions party and so and it would be like do not make any sense the invitations like everybody be themselves except for wife beaters blink blink uh yeah she that that's ridiculous she's like come to our prohibition party celebrating plastic surgery don't and domestic abuse don't let your husband break your nose let my husband break your nose and reshape it into a better nose blink blink she's like what we want you to have no we want you to have no prohibitions uh about getting a new nose because you can do it you can do it you i think the idea was you can do what you want and if and if you want to get a new nose to make yourself feel better there's gonna be no one telling you no there are no prohibitions about you getting a new nose and feeling better about yourself it was so tenuously linked it's so bizarre and also it's like the theme is a period where everybody went broke and didn't have money eat no one could even afford a fucking nose job okay yeah stop it your theme doesn't make sense with anything and you can't have a domestic abuse plastic surgery part yeah you can't you can't so but so before the party even happened most importantly there was a scene with quad and her husband and the husband was basically saying like play a nice and quad is like well i will tell you something else before i had some reservations about going to this party but let me tell you something if Lisa Nicole is there i will not be paying Lisa dust like what i mean i understand the idea that like the moment you see Lisa you might all that'll be there will be dust because you're like in a dust cloud leaving or something like that but like i don't understand paying Lisa dust but the best part that quad gets even more nonsensical because her husband's like i just want peace and calm and quads like oh well honey people in hell want us water and people in jail want out i'm like is she trying to say that people want things that they can't get i mean but i just yeah but it's yeah she's saying no i'm not going to be peaceful that is so funny but it was like well we want a lot of things dogs want ballgans and that's one thing i will deliver like a FedEx man on an ice cube in a rainbow let me tell you something you may want peace but you know what that's like a pineapple and night court judge dismissed that girls want pieces to a pie that's why they're fat and that's how i'm telling you it's like what what are you talking about that's like asking for them yeah that's like asking for a folding chair on the surface of the moon okay okay oh good uh so then we get to this prohibition party no no no before that before that before that well Jill or at some point before the party at some point uh Jill goes and gets her nails done with Mariah so uh Mariah is excited because she's gonna like no one came and saw me at the hospital and uh and she's like oh these women think that they can push me out of the group but guess what i am back i am coming back to the group they can't vote me out i'm gonna leave on my own accord so i am back i'm like bitch why would you want to be friends with people who expressed in concrete terms that they don't want to be with they literally voted you out of the group yeah so i mean obviously my choice honey yeah i love her honey so then um so now it comes time for the party all right and um i don't remember the order of events that happened but i do know that that um least in a cold broad Dwight also formally of the real house was of Atlanta everyone just you know everyone just drops down to Mariah to medicine at some point i guess hmm and um at some point the Jill's husband makes this ridiculous speech i'm talking about like he's like you know every day my patients thank me for the good work that i do and they cut to Dwight smiling and nodding i'm like yep this guy probably had more than one thing but i was like it was such an obnoxious speech he's like every day people thank me and it means so much so i know the value of thanks and want to thank you all shut up oh god i want to thank you like the world thanks me if only i could need you as much as the world needs me alas i don't that's still no reason not to drink eat be merry and praise me if you have a thank you for me please feel free to stop by the thank you table where i'll be sitting talking about domestic abuse and plastic surgery i'll be here all night thank you so then heaven Lee's husband by the way goes up to the sky uh at the party and he actually says i think in a very mature way he says listen something he said last time really bothered me you know you said this my my wife and the more i thought about it the more annoyed me and please don't say that about my wife again like don't do that it was it offended us whatever and then instead of the guy saying oh well i'm sorry he goes well you obviously don't know me very well because obviously i didn't mean it to be offensive you obviously don't know which was such a condescending retort oh you could have said oh oh well i'm sorry it wasn't meant to offend i i was just i i was saying something that you know i thought i was just saying something i wasn't i'm sorry i didn't mean to offend you that isn't that what like mature people do if you say something that offended someone you weren't you didn't mean it amongst friends yeah especially a husband because the husbands know that their wives are crazy that's why they're on the tv show so when someone's like you don't disrespect my husband and your answer is well listen if you didn't say anything at the time how was i didn't know that it was offensive to you yeah and he's like well i'm telling you now it offended me don't do it again and he's like okay like it doesn't count now because it's late but at the time i could have done something it's like no actually at the time you told her that she was a dumb bitch which she was being a dumb bitch and then you stormed out or something like it wasn't i mean it heavenly was in the wrong in that but yeah when someone's like just don't disrespect my husband or my wife just say i didn't mean to disrespect her wife i'm sorry like exactly so then they got but this guy instead he just stands up and walks away so um so then somehow the story gets back to Jill that that her husband told told dad told him fuck you and walked away so then Jill goes and all the good women are sitting together and Jill tells toya she's like uh oh she's like apparently my husband told you uh told uh heavenly's husband fuck you so toya then is like jell did he um heavenly do they hear this do they hear this you know jell's husband said fuck you to your husband i'm like dude uh oh toy first toys and immediately heavenly's like what you eat i think you're ignorant that's what i think she's and she's like going to college doesn't make you smart she's like that's okay she's not my degree yeah so then you have an online degree he's like good one heavenly so then heavenly goes to her husband and is like did he say fuck you and he's like no she's like oh so you would think that would be like oh never mind but she's like jell don't be making up please so don't be lying I'm a husband whatever it's like jell just got bad information but heavenly lost her shit and heavenly was just destroying jell and jell had her blink blink lies going big time what i didn't say that what okay and then incumbariah oh yeah mariah who's now besties with quad again or whatever and she's like whoo whoo yeah honey yes honey it is me honey like oh god she's like every time i go into a party with these ladies i feel like a pop star honey i feel like a star because everybody wants a piece of mariah i'm like a wedding cake everybody's in line for the cake i'm standing there with a husband and a wife plastic on top of me standing there because i'm the biggest cake in the room honey i didn't put the skin in mind for this cake i'm like oh my god please stop yeah she's like i am covered in fondant honey i am gonna take the top layer and put me in the freezer and have me a year later because i am a cake i know what not a dance floor in here honey because this fondant is tight and nay girl so she's like everybody's pretending to be a pop star but no or pretending she's a pop star which i don't think they were and uh they didn't even come to visit her in the hospital after completely ostracizing her from the group and asking to never speak to her again yeah she's like i just don't understand why these women are being so fake like because they're terrified mariah well it's because they you know some people do know how to act in a social situation and uh people are allowed to be fake in a party it's like what are the here's what would you rather that you walk in and then everyone doesn't pay attention to you and they'd be like these women are all bitches well you would have thought there are bitches no matter what what they'll either call them fake bitches or mean bitches so they went to fake rat why not yeah it's polite you know um it's called manners or car um so then lisa nicole's like yeah mariah girl i've been going through really rough things you know like people who lie and they spread lies about family do you know how many game nights i've had to have with my children alone at home and mariah's like oh you mean lies like telling people i'm a lesbian lisa oh honey yeah lisa's that was yellow i didn't say that uh uh yeah you did yeah you did how did you not say how it what explanation in the world could you give for having not said that you said that yes you did plainly yeah you actually said in a very succinct articulate way you said what about your lesbian relationship with mariah so good so that's pretty much it for this show is the the past episode has been really good i'm like finally i'm into it like i'm like into the conflict now it was so dumb and i love it and i love jackie's finally mad at people but only because they didn't respect her fat camp yeah oh good notice that she was very quiet during uh during jill's charity party when the women were fighting but god forbid you fight during fit is the new it hypnosis session exactly she's like well it's not like somebody is trying to hypnotize people into drinking more water here the different level of respect that is expected in front of a cardboard cutout of me during fit is the new it don't choose the pizza really it's a choice it's a prohibition party and i'm prohibited from getting mad according to jill so good this goes long right how long did you talk too long five hours but um on the next episode watcher craftsmen's we'll talk about below jack and uh my 40th party some things whatever my fab 40th right oh god do we was there nothing else on that is correct there is nothing else on oh god help us well can't we just have this be the five hour episode for the week and we just look about which count i mean uh no we got to know i'm gonna miss the housewives what's what housewives is next oh we have a secrets revealed no we're not gonna do the secrets revealed but we we can do below deck i'm blue deck i love me some below deck fun time without last week oh i love that no i love that show it's just that 40 show well that'll probably be we had a fun yeah we had a fun time last week even though the show's not great we will survive um okay everyone ladies someone's standing 40 fierce we're gonna have a fierce next step so it'd be very fierce and train is going to perform live on the podcast so everyone to go ready for train and a fierce performance on the few moments you never know what's gonna happen but i can guarantee you whatever before i perform i find will cost twenty five hundred dollars flat girls lady Ben and Rani will be showing up in your cars in their own Ferraris coming out of your radios wonderful in the sita sita everywhere playing the Ferraris will be riding horses it will be amazing ladies fabulous fabulous just fierce fierce fierce 40th podcast thank you everybody for listening thank you everyone for listening um uh you can uh follow if you go to watchercrapins.com you can see all our social media links there facebook.com forward slash watchercrapins where all this shit is posted and it's super fun um and patreon.com forward slash watchercrapins where you can get an access to a bonus episode if you support us uh and many other things and again our bonus episode this week is about the VMAs and um Jill getting uh from merit medicine getting thrown in jail and a few other fun topics really good stuff so guess what you can take the ear muffs off your kit in the backseat and uh resume your life so thanks everyone for listening at the school drop 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