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Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said, "What the f*** are you talking about? "You insane Hollywood s***." - So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at Mint Mobile.com/switch. - $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of detail. ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ Crap is ♪ ♪ Crap is ♪ ♪ Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap ♪ ♪ Crap is ♪ ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That's so much ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ For one week or two times ♪ ♪ Who cares what ♪ ♪ That's so much that crap is ♪ - Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what crap is. A podcast about all the crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. We are the number one Bravo podcast on iTunes and Stitcher and everywhere. And I'm gonna start saying that now because you know what, why not? Why not toot our own horn? I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Bantar Blender podcast and joining me as always is The Wonderful and Silly and Man of a Thousand Voices. - Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. - Whoa, everybody. Hashtag couch desk. - Hashtag couch desk. How is that couch desk treating you today? - I'm so good. I'm becoming a part of it. - Oh, good. - I'm loving it. - Well, part of the couch, not the desk. - Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. So this is a very exciting day today because management in my building, maybe walking in in the middle of the podcast to inspect the water conservation things in my bathroom. So, everyone be prepared for that. Anyway, I am loony to drought now, Ben. - Yes, don't want to be contributing to the drought. I am loony tunes right now. I have my Tiago coffee. And for those of you guys who listen to this religiously know that when I get the Tiago coffee, it's real overdrive. Plus I just went swimming in the pool. - What is a Tiago coffee? How do I not know that? Have I not listened to that part? What is a Tiago coffee? - Well, it's a different call. It's like, instead of going to Starbucks, I went to Tiago, Tiago is a coffee shop. - Oh, that's a place? - Yeah, it's amazing. It's on Hollywood and La Brea. It's my favorite coffee shop. And when you get there cold brews are like jet fuel. It is like, you know what I turn into? I turn into Yosemite Sam after he's sat down on hot coals. Like running up the walls with a smoke hammer. - So do they charge as much as Starbucks? I have questions. - My medium, which is I think 12 ounces, is 273. - Oh, that's cheaper. Oh, no, it's a medium. It's more expensive. - No, it's the same size as the Grande. - Yeah, but a Grande is like what, 260 or something? And also being a cold brew. - But I'm telling you, this is stronger than the Starbucks cold brew. - But Starbucks cold brew, I think, is more expensive. Anyways, three Starbucks, I bought a coffee maker. And so now I'm having like two pots of coffee a day and I'm effing crazy. - Yeah, well, I have the Tiago coffee in me. And I also, I decided to swim laps this morning. And so now I'm in like that post swimming, I know. Post swimming, my body goes in this weird place. I got all the endorphins come out. So I'm in the middle of an endorphin rush slash coffee high and I am crazy. - Well, I've done nothing and my coffee doesn't affect me like you. It just makes me very paranoid. Like who's that side, who's that side of my manson. So anyway, no one really cares about this. I don't know why I'm talking about all this stuff. What people should care about. It's coming to our Facebook page, Facebook.com/watchwarcrapins. Just the funniest shit on the internet is there. Basically, I think that's how you can sum it up, right? It's the funniest Facebook page. It's definitely the funniest TV fan page out there. Look, someone just texted to find out how they can get involved with the Facebook page. Facebook.com. - You're like, hi, how's your water pressure? Are you conserving water? And how do I go to your Facebook page? - Facebook.com/watchorcrap. Also go to our Patreon page, patreon.com/watchwarcrap and then you can support us there and get access to our bonus episode this week. We talked for an hour about Jared Fogle and Josh Tachman, the cheating husband of what's her face, Kristen Tachman on Real House with New York City. And we talked about a lot of other things. Super fun stuff. I think that's all I have to plug or we have to plug. - Yeah, I think so. - I wanted to say Josh, that was a noise. - Yeah, we've already talked about that. I was super angry. And I think because I ignore the world so much that when you tell me all this shit going on in the world, like I didn't know all that subway mullet. I mean, I knew that he was gross, but I didn't know how far the subway guy went with his skin sleeping bag ass on underage kids. I didn't know all that stuff. So I get so mad when I actually hear it. - Just don't tell me the news, all right? - No, well, the news yesterday was terrible. So we won't even get into that. But it was National Dog Day. Did you put up a picture of Bueller? - No, and maybe that's why he's giving me guilt trips. He's walking around lately, like just giving me these sad looks. Like I'm just not understanding him. And I'm like, I do understand you, Toving. I just don't want to go outside right now. That's it. - Well, you know what? I have actually had a little bit like National Dog Day. I'm sorry, it was just too much. Because people were, you know, Facebook was flooded. - You're a dog hater. You're like a secret dog hater. - I'm more of like a annoying dog owner hater. I don't hate dogs. I think I hate the owners that are like crazy, you know? Because then people put like all these pictures up with their dogs and the other cute and everything. But people act as if they don't have license to do this every other day. Because every day my Facebook feed is just filled with babies and dogs every single day. And everyone's like, oh my God, in honor of Dog Day, let me put up another picture of my dog. I'm like, well, you put up a picture of your dog every day actually. (laughing) - How about we have a National Not Dog Day? All right, all you bastards have to put up a picture of something else. - Yeah, someone posted a video. There's a video that someone made where it was like a how to survive a pit bull owner attack. And it was like, you're at a party and someone starts talking about their pit bull. And if you like ask a single question, they're like, well, people's are really nice. It's the owners, they start like relaying dog stats. You have to like get out of there immediately. - Yeah, pit bulls don't kill people. People kill people with pit bulls. - Yeah, man. - Yeah. - Oh Lord, listen to it outside. It's like, I live by an old folks home and all day, every day for the past three days, siren, siren, siren, it's like, how about you guys, how about we have a don't die down the street from me day on Facebook? - Yeah, that's great. - So I can have one day without thinking about how your heart attack has to affect my stress level of the day, okay? It's very stressful. When you have a heart attack near me, okay? That's all I'm saying. - From here on out, August 27th will be forever known as don't die down the street from Ronnie Day. (laughing) I mean, seriously, if you're going over there every day ambulances, maybe use like a quieter siren. You're there every day. It's like getting people desensitized. No one even cares in this neighborhood if you hear a siren. Like no one even pulls over. It's like, oh, there's another fucking siren here to take the spirit of an old person. Christ's sake, people. - Stop dying over there. - They just need Heather Dubrow to go over there and build a carport on the old person home. The ambulance can just stay there. She's like, the rim for the ambulance isn't the back, so it won't affect Fairfax anymore. (laughing) We built in our very own operating room. Also, our old people like spontaneously combusting when they die now because there's always fire trucks too. What the hell, okay? Why do I need a fire truck if I've had a heart attack? - I just don't get it. - You know what, don't get me started on old people today. I'm sorry, people who are new to this podcast, I'm so sorry because we are seven minutes in and we haven't even touched Bravo, except a few years ago. - Yeah, this is a good bonus episode on a regular day. - All right, let's move on. - No, Ronny, I have to say one last thing about old people. - Oh, I thought that was your segue into Real Housewives with me. - No, no, no, they will segue into it. But back to the swimming pool, motherfucking old people in a swimming pool. You know what, I respect my elders and I actually do love old people, but I think that after a certain age, old people should not be allowed into public swimming pools, okay, because first of all, half of them, all they do is do the walk thing. They just walk up and down the pool, which is fine, but then like, why does each one need their own lane? How about they all get five people walking in a row, like a chain gang and like one half a lane, and it'd be perfect, but they always take up a lane and if they're not walking, they're doing some really, really slow, poorly formed breaststroke. And so I sat there for 20 minutes waiting to get in because there was a cabal of old Russian ladies in the pool and they would not consolidate, you know? I'm like, it was driving me absolutely nuts. So I'm sorry. - Well, it's like on the sidewalk, you know, people can't even tear a damn sidewalk anymore. I was walking purely yesterday and this girl walked like across the, she walked onto the street around the cars. I was like, really, what scary? Him or me, bitch? - Yeah. - I do that too though. - But yeah, you can't do that in a pool. The thing about water aerobics, guys, is if you go to water aerobics, look around. No one's 10, okay? - Yeah. - Stop including me. - Stop the water aerobics. What the fuck are you doing? - You should see. - It's like, I'm lifting my arms. What are you so proud you're lifting your fucking arms? Stop. (laughing) It's in a pool, it's hard. Your arms are not even in the pool. It's like, it's not harder. Stop it. - Yeah. Okay, so speaking of old people who should learn to stay in their lane, let's get to Real House as a New York City, by the way, Anthony is in every lane all the time. I talk about the ambulance, it won't stop coming by. Jeez. - Yeah. - What do you think about this, Bethany? Good Lord woman. - It was the extended Bethany interview again. She's got walls up in between the lanes, walls up. - It's like, I took my balls down to this episode. My balls the dad, has anybody noticed? What's my balls? Anybody see my walls? They're down, they're down. Ramana, here's what I think about you. It's like, everybody, Andy would be like, Ramana, tell me about your fare. Oh, I'll tell you, you know, he's got a nasty streak. Definitely, he's saying, now I trust big men, I trust men, you know, I'm okay now, I'm fine. - Yeah. (laughs) If you ask me again, if you ask me again about Ramana, I'll be on the floor of crime, because I'll be so happy to talk about her. I'm crying from happiness. Literally, my walls are down, my happiness, my happiness nets are up, catching happiness. - The neuroses in New York. Oh my god. - Oh my god, I'd love it though. - Don't stop. - So, my meta notes or my macro note on this episode was, it was, I eat, I think this was like a filler episode, and then next week, we're gonna get to, or tonight, we're gonna get to some more craziness, 'cause the first part of the reunion was crazy. This episode was like, you know, whatever, sort of like yelling, but, you know, nothing. - This episode was spray tan. All I could look at was Carol's face for the whole episode. - Yeah. - I had a dream, Carol was in my dream last night. - Oh god, how'd that go? Were you freaking out your mouth? - You would appreciate that theater dream. - No, she was really cool, actually. You would appreciate this. I think I was looking for a new roommate, even though I didn't have a roommate, but I was looking for a roommate, and she was helping me, and then the guy I did choose, I was like, okay, so, like, are you neat? Or whatever, he's like, yes. And he's like, he's like, here's what you need to know about me, my favorite store is Ross Dress for less. (laughing) - Oh no. - You've infiltrated my brain, Ronnie. That's-- - Oh no. - So I had Carol advising me on a guy, and then I chose him, and then I will call-- - Oh, being, I'm so sorry, being. - I know, I know. - You would know how that dream turns out if you'd lived my life. No roommate, hardly any extra mates of mine are happy, Ben. - All right. So anyway, so the reunion started off with more talk about Adam. Adam and Carol, and Andy asked Carol if she would have dated Adam if she didn't know and would piss off to the weigh-in, and Carol said, no, of course not, and then, you know, I don't know, the weigh-in-- - Oh, I didn't even write that down. We were watching different shows 'cause I was writing. I wrote that the first thing that happened in this reunion episode was Heather's bra under her scarf dress. Please, Heather, stop it, or her laser dress. - Oh, I should have queued up more '90s house music to play in the background whenever we talk about Heather, or I'm sorry. - Heather's bra, oh my God, I couldn't, 'cause it opens with Heather giving everybody a dirty look, like she's just about to tell them off, you know, like the verdict is in, and Heather's about to read it, like Nancy Grace would, you know, and then it's like you're in a bra. I can't, I can't take you seriously when you're yelling at me in a bra. I can't, I can't, I can't, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm exhausted, but Heather's bra, and then Luann's side of the shiny ass couch. Those girls are like, if to go containers at restaurants became drag queens, those ladies are all wrapped in foil of different, horrible, tacky, shiny materials. Can't stop it. - Shiny, happy people, blah, blah, blah. - That's why Heather's so fucking, I mean, that's why Carol's so sun-tanned. I am starting to look like a totem pole, okay? And it's because of all that shininess from the dresses. - Leave Heather's face alone. - I still can't get used to Luann's shitty dress. I mean, it is so, it just gets worse and worse. I mean, this week I started to think that maybe it was, it looked like it was made of ribbon material. Like, ribbon before it's been cut down to ribbon, like the big sheet of synthetic material that, you know, like before they cut it up and send it off to Michaels. - Yeah, that's the shit that, that's like the kind of ribbon that Meemaw saves in a gift bag, and then you use this like every two years. You're like, I will never forget this ribbon 'cause it was so fucking ugly the first time. - I know, Luann, you, Luann, you could do better. You could do better, Luann. - Well, what's going on with Luann? Because they talked about how much Luann has changed, and Bethany was like, oh yeah, she's got to stick out of her. - I mean, Bethany had something to say about everything, but Luann really has changed a lot. When they were showing that clip of Luann, making Bethany, you will say-- - I know, by the way, 20 years younger in that clip. Not that she looks old now, just her face is so different. Making her call her misses in front of the taxi driver. - Yeah, I know, I actually kind of missed that, that Luann, but you know, Luann did take the stick out of her ass, and then she's promptly put it back in for this reunion. I mean, it's crazy. Luann has offered Rocker this reunion. She needs to like, just take a moment, relax, accept the fact that she will not be the one getting with Adam, that it is Carol, and move on. - Well, I think that Luann has really learned to take the stick out of her ass, but only long enough to put a dick in it. Then once the dick is out, she puts a stick right back in. 'Cause that's the only time she really loosens up, and when it's about dick, you know? - Well, you know that things are really bad between her and Carol when Luann announces that Carol is no longer welcome to sleep over in her Hampton's house. - Oh, God, do you even have a guest room in that hovel? - Yeah. - I know. - I know it wouldn't be going to that lame ass, like ex-wife house anyway, girl. - I love how Carol's responses is fine. I'll just stay over at Bethany's. 'Cause you know Bethany's house is now much larger than Luann's Little Seaside Jack. - Of course. It doesn't cost money to get a show canceled. She's like, "Still got my 40 million, thank you." - Yeah, I mean, seriously, Luann, from your house, you can see your neighbors, Luann. I don't think Bethany can do that. - I don't think that's disgusting. - No one will feel comfortable sleeping in that house. - I mean, you might as well move to Quag. (laughing) Heather would be like, "I saw a neighbor! "I was naked, naked, and I was a neighbor next door." (laughing) And then the house music starts up, (humming) (laughing) - I'm just imagining, by the way, I would just imagine Heather with one of those wraps around her head, you know, like that? Who'd wear that wrap? You know what I'm talking about? - Like a glorious, want some hat. - Just, yeah, like a turban, you mean? - Yeah, sort of a turbiny thing in her blazer and her bra, and like black and white video, but it's sort of choppy a little bit as she dances, and her dance is basically her swimming back and forth, her arms back out and going, "Oh, oh, oh." - Yeah, basically it's the fifties all over again, but they're shapewear now. They're stolen shapewear, it's like back to the future. She's gone into the future and stolen shapewear, and gone back to the fifties. - Brought it, man. - They call me Mr. Nuna, they call me Mr. Vane, whatever that song was. Remember that like, that period of time from like 1990 to 1992, when it was all shit, like black box, I think I even have one of those black boxes. - Oh, no, that was when I was in high school, and I was like, "The world is stupid." I'm gonna listen to my lysot tape and combat it from my love hair and chain smoke with the cholas outside and then go to community theater at night. - Betch. - This is the song that I imagine now scores Heather Everywhere She Walks. Oh, yeah, this is the Heather song. You see her just like dancing around. Oh, I gotta stop before we get a copyright issue. God, could you imagine, get a life? - Black box is like, "Excuse me." We heard that in episode 215 of The Watch For Crapin's podcast, you use our song from 1991. - I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about black boxes because I had a good friend one time. - It's like, "Oh, no, here we go." - Oh, no, the black box. - And there's a song, Heather. - You're ruining everything in your bra and your turban. - Oh, God. - Heather has a turban now in my head, even though that's not what you were talking about at all. - I know, well, it's not a turban, it's like a wrap. It's like a wrap, like a thing that goes around, like a scarf that goes around and is like floppy on it because a turban comes together nicely on top, but a wrap is sort of like messy on top. - Yeah, so like a Jamaican lady wrap? - Yeah, exactly, with like big chunky earrings. That's what Heather's wearing. - She totally would do that. - Wearing the bra and her green blazer and then dancing to black box. - She would do that. - And then she would totally wear that scarf as a dress the next day and be like, "Look, guys, units." But now I own it, so it's called, "Munits." It's like, "No, Heather, it's still not your own business plan." Okay. (laughing) - Oh, units. - Yeah. - So I love that she totally takes us back to the '90s every time we talk about her. We're like, "All right, let's just talk about the '90s "for 20 minutes we've mentioned Heather." (laughing) Also another general note, lipstick. What, is there a trend in lipstick? - Is there a trend in lipstick that people just aren't talking about, but we're only seeing on this show? Why is everybody in tangerine pink lipstick? Not cute. That's all I have to say. I just don't understand why. It makes your-- - The lipstick is yellow. - The lipstick has never been good on Bravo. Not even on Amazon, but this is particularly-- I mean, it's like tangerine. It makes everybody's teeth look yellow, like they were all eating buttered popcorn flavored popsicles or some shit. - Well, maybe they were. - Well, that's true. - You know? - I'm hungry. - Do you have any M&M's or some tangerine buttered popcorn? - Ramona, not big typical. - Is there a nut? Is there a nut? Is there an M&M? Is there an M&M or a nut? - I'm sorry, I'm hungry. I don't wanna push through it. Wanna have an M&M? Okay, okay. - My snack time. - I like M&M's clear on me of Mario and Mario together. Both sides of me, the good side and the bad side of him. - I've changed D&D, or I've changed D&D, but my snack time, he hasn't changed D&D. Okay. - You know what, my favorite of the yellow M&M's, is the green M&M's remind me of Sunshine. (laughing) - Okay. - The green M&M's remind me of the trees and the birches. Oh my God, no. Okay, you know what? Okay, you know what? This is taking me back. These green M&M's, this is like the trees. I can't, you know what, I have to look at the reunion. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - Green M&M's make you horny. - It's not Mario's fault that with the midlife crisis, it takes four years. It takes four years D&D. I don't wanna see a green M&M for four years, D&D. (laughing) - So we haven't even started going blow by blow yet. - Well, no, we started a little bit. We started a little bit with this. There was sort of like the dying embers of Luann and Carol's fight until it comes back again next episode. And then we went into the Derinda. - Did you hear, I have to point out something because I've done some really great detective work this season as usual, but did you notice that they were confronting her about how it wasn't a big deal? And then Carol's like, "Yeah, remember I sat down with you "and then you said, "Oh, it's no big deal. "We'll move past it." And then you were mad on Twitter. - And Luann's like, "Well, you know, it got mad. "It escalated." She's like, "How did it escalate? "If anything it de-escalated." - She's like, "No, it escalated." You know when it came to a head was in Turks and Caicos. I was like, "Of course, because they came "into your fucking category." - And by the way, and that's the biggest bullshit of all, it came to a head in Turks and Caicos. Adam wasn't there. How could it come to a head in Turks and Caicos? No, what came to a head is that she got, Luann got mad at Carol, that's all, but she got mad about the barging in situation, which we'll get into the next part of the reunion, but that shouldn't have had any bearing on Adam. I guess in Luann's head, she's thinking, "You know, it was so rude and so inconsiderate "and it makes me realize how inconsiderate you are. "You stole the hot, the hot help." That's probably in her head. - But I think she just got mad that they came in a room, and that's it, and she's pissed. And that's what this whole thing has been about, and she's so transparent that she forgets it, that's her lie, and she's like, "Oh, it came to a head in Turks and Caicos." Oh, really? Was it when you had the bus boys dick in your ear or not? Like, when was this? Like, a lot happened on that trip. Like, how could you get that much 20-year-old dick on a vacation and still be upset that someone barged in your room? It's like, I'm a private person, but my vagina, or I'm a public person, but my vagina is very private, all right? - Yeah. - Keep your photographers away from it, shut up. - Yeah. No one cares about your flappy ass vagina, okay? - Yeah. - Yeah. So anyway, so then we had a montage of Durinda being crazy, which I love. This is probably my favorite montage of the reunion so far. It's busy here just being like, "You know what? "You got to back it up, John. "You got to back it up, you know what? "You know what, Heather? "Back it up, back it up. "You can get out of my potato sack." (laughing) - All right. - He's like, "And we've also met Durindan." She's like, "Yeah, I don't think it'll be tight here, "I think it'll be tight here, like it'll be the kitchen." - No, it's supposed to be like, "You can't fuck your hair "that way, can you ask me?" - I wasn't trying to, I wasn't trying to sit back up so it's not strong, guys. - I like everybody here so far away. - I just love Dr. Durinda. I love not understanding one thing, and she's just smiling and nodding, like it's just another day at the office, you know? She's like, "Yeah, that's ours. "I got the cash grant." - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're 40 of you. You don't want me to stand up. Some of you fucking, they ask me to make a sandwich. I'm not a mile anymore, I just get out of my house. - God, I can't remember. - It's a balloon. I literally came in the light in London, so, ugh. And then they cut to Heather and her bra, sitting there mad, I love it. They're showing Durindan like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll tell you your ass, "I can't get his junk ass if you don't want it." Yeah, it's nice, but you're next to a long, you fucking stupid giraffe. - You're turning Durindan to Kim Richards, by the way. I just want you to know. - Well, she was so drunk in that montage. She was like, "Kim Richards without a bargain, babe." - That's (laughs) - Without any Hello Kitty merchandise. Well, what I loved was that, so they showed footage of John basically molesting Kristen. And so then Durinda gets mad at Kristen again, and Kristen was like, "No, I, when John molested me, "I never said anything about it, "but Ramona went around and started talking about it." And so I said, "Yeah, I didn't like it, "so I took myself out of this situation." And Durinda just would not hear it. Durinda's like, "Yeah, you just walk away. "If you don't like it, whatever, you didn't get hurt by it. "You're still alive, no big deal." I was like, "No, Durinda, I love you." That's not the response. - Yeah, but that's gross. - It's like the response should be like, "Oh, I see what happened there, "and I know I wouldn't like it, "and I would feel uncomfortable too, so I'm sorry. "I apologize on behalf of John." That's all she has to say. - Do you know what this is exactly like, the thing you were saying earlier about how hard it is to confront pit bull owners? It's the same thing. It's like, "Your dog humped my leg, pissed on me, "and then, you know, like tried to rake my shin." And she's like, "Well, yeah, is it my fault? "You should spell like a boat? "No, if you don't want someone to happen, "you'll like those to smell like a boat. "And if you don't like it, don't be on the sidewalk, all right?" - If you don't want to be molested by John, it stops smelling like a sandwich. And don't make a sandwich. - I have a drinking, I was drinking coffee. - Wait, leave me hanging there in my sandwich joke, Ronnie. - Sorry, I'm sorry. - That's never gonna make crap in quotes. - It'll never get tricky. - I was thinking a drink, sorry. - I was like, "This'll be a good bon-mo, everyone will like this." People will be on Facebook saying, "Oh, my God, Ben, "when you said that joke about this sandwich, "I-L-O-L'd, you're the best, Ben." But no, you didn't laugh, and everyone thinks it was just a bomb. (laughing) - Sorry, that was funny. - You really took out the chaos crayon on my joke. (laughing) - Oh, that was funny though. - Are you dead? Did you call CSI? I mean, with Mark Hellenburger. You know, everybody likes her. Oh, John would love to hump her. Oh, yeah, if we ever met Mark Hellenburger, he would be all overhead. I'd say if you didn't like it, don't be Mark Hellenburger, all right? - John wants to go to the county fair and get in a potato sack, which is Mark Hellenburger. (laughing) If you don't wanna be looked at like evidence, they don't just lie there on the floor and look gorgeous, Mark Hellenburger, just stop it. (laughing) Hey, if you don't wanna get under the dome, don't get under the dome without Mark Hellenburger. - Mr. Jetson! - How did Mark Hellenburger get in here, by the way? Where did she come from? How did she get into the mix? We're talking about sandwiches and potato sacks, all of a sudden, Mark Hellenburger, which by the way, I could totally see John having a thing for her. - Totally. Of course, who doesn't? Mark Hellenburger's hot. - Is it Hellenburger or Hellenburger? - I don't know. - I just like to imagine in Derindus's A Differently Every Time. Mark Hellenburger. - I just call her that lady who's got her rent paid forever because of CSI. - Yeah, I'll have the Fettuccine Alfredo and John will have a Mark Hellenburger medium rare. Please, thank you. (laughing) - Back it up. Back it up, mark it up. - You better back it up, Mark Hellenburger. - If you don't want to get into the sandwich, Mark Hellenburger, don't get into the sandwich with John. - No, Mark Hellenburger, you're a great guest. You're a great guest when you send me my pool. That's what I got for my new Mark Hellenburger. - Like everybody's just dying to go spend time in Derindus's pool and they didn't just go there because they had two for work. - By the way, they were there in the winter. - Yeah, I thought we were friends too. How you were like a pool, like a friend. You should run my winner, that pool, like a friend. You know, my winner still got its finger box from the greasy, from the greasy finger. They all say my finger. My winner thought you were friends with me, my pool. But then it all changes on the Twitter. It's like, ugh. - You know what, Derindus, Derindus. - What is Derindus even talking about? - Is she drunk? - And you know, I love how her insult is. Yeah, you were a great guest. You were a great guest when you sent me my pool. By the way, Derindus, you should be so happy because you should see the other, the way these other women act, they are not good guests. So if Heather was a good guest, even if it was being fake, you should be thanking your lucky stars, okay? 'Cause at least you don't have Ramona buying air conditioning for your house. - No kidding. - Yeah, you're happy to be in my house with the air conditioning and everything. You're so happy to be in the air conditioning. Okay, I'm glad I could bring it to a place in town with this air conditioning camera. - Hey, Mr. Jetson. I'm inviting my cousin, Mr. air conditioning. He's gonna sit here in the window. I'll be cleaning. - They tricked her dog, and I thought of Jot. - Well, you know what I loved? So when Derindus and Heather start to get into it, they started talking about that ridiculous fight they had at the restaurant. And Derindus was like, you know, the thing is with Heather, you know, she could be really condescending and really dismissive, and I don't like it, she's dismissive. And Heather goes, well, I missed that whole thing. I still don't know what we're talking about. I'm like, bitch, you just missed her in a condescending way. Do you realize what you just did? - I love Heather. I wish she just had like a school bell to ring and just feel like you're dismissed. She totally does that the whole time. And Derindus is like-- - See, that was the old one she did. She did have an A and B. - Well, Derinda, of course, my favorite part was that Derindus response is one of her classic, totally overwrought and bizarre metaphors. Say, how about, you know, we need to fire a torch and a hunchback at time of London so you can go do your whole routine. And Heather's like, what is that, but literary reference? What is that? It's funny that you brought up literature because I'm actually writing a book based on a hunchback who holds a torch and lives in a tower. It's called the hunchback of the Upper East Side. - Oh, Heather, you did not invent that, okay? It's not. - My balloon is like a hunchback. - She had another one too. She was like, what are you gonna do when they have it? - Yeah, hold up, why are you just getting both of us with the burning bush? - Yeah, what do you think you're most of the burning bush handing out the tenant commandments? I'm like, you know Derinda, those are very separate incidences in the Old Testament. (laughs) Wasn't the burning bush telling him to kill his son or something? No, the burning bush was like, hey, I'm God, do this for me. And then the testament, like the commandments is like way after when they've been like wandering forever. You know, God, I'm not signing. - You know, if we're gonna talk about burning bush, we should just let Sony answer. (laughs) - Or we should have Ramona as she is an expert on Jewish words, like minutia. (laughs) - Minutia. What's that Jewish word, minutia? - Minutia? - Minutia? They're like, minutia. - Minutia, and then Sony is like, yeah, that's not a Jewish word, by the way. - Yeah, I mean, come on. - If even Sony is correcting you. - Yeah, Sony is correcting you. You're off the rails. - I just wanted to say, I felt bad for Kristin. Well, of course, we always feel bad for Kristin because that's like how it works. But also this week with the news of the Ashley Madison and Josh being the pig that we all know that he is already, it was so sad watching this. And she's trying to stand up like for how violated she felt when she was being rubbed on by a fat guy. It's like, how do you feel now that you've been basically boned with the penis that has been in God knows what, you know? And it's like you're looking all grossed out by that. I just felt bad for her. - I know, I had that thought later on in the episode. At one point she sort of, you know, when Ramona, later on, this is giving me a habit. When Ramona made a joke about Mario being faithful to his mistress, he goes, at least he's faithful. And it cuts to Kristin, looking sort of like shocked and rolling her eyes. I'm like, oh, girl, you're next. - I know, it sucks, man. But also I felt sorry for her because she gets no respect on this show. - Durenta just dismissed her after, Durenta dismissed her while calling Heather dismissive. - Yes. - And then the music started playing immediately. Kristin's like, I have something to say. And it's like, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink. - This is a clown project. - This is a clown project. - My box brothers. - And Kristin. - No. - They played that music. It's like John's caught, you know, palling a 20 year old Russian hooker in the hallway at Bowe, bowchamp, or whatever that place you call. By the way, I also liked, in this whole Durenta segment, how they got into the fight when they got into that fight, Interking Keiko is about the cursing. And Durenta's memories of it were so messed up. And the argument went on for like two minutes before Bethany was like, you guys are both, like, were you guys both there? All that happened was that, like, Durenta said, Mother would be ashamed and Heather said, no, your mother would be proud. And then, but the entire time they were fighting, Durenta's like, I was like, you were saying hashtag, your mother thinks you're a molester. Hashtag, your mother thinks you should die. Hashtag, hashtag. - And Heather's like, can we stop talking in Twitter, please? That hasn't happened in my world yet. - Twitter doesn't hit the scene for at least 11 years. - Yeah, I'm still on dial up. - Heather's like, can we please talk in folded up note terms that you passed in class, please? - Heather's like, can we talk about all those crazy photos online? Where would you go? It takes like a minute for them to download. And it's like first it's lines and it's black and white then turns color and there aren't enough colors on the screen. So there's like all in dots that was called gamble porn because you could only see a tiny thumbnail and then you had to gamble on which one to actually blow up because it was going to take 20 minutes and then you blow it up and you're like, oh my God, they're ugly. God damn it. Like I made the wrong gamble. - Gumbo, oh well, oh well. - Steve, that it was a pool party. - Wolf pop, I clicked on the wrong picture. - Gumbo porn? - No. - So I thought you were done again. I'm so sorry, got it. - No, no, I was done. I was that I just was laughing about a little party. Also, poor Kristen is like trying to make this CSI or a Law and Order special victims unit thing about being touched by John. And Dorinda's like, well, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. - Clown music to play poor Kristen off who's never in the box and she has a huge zit under her thing. And Dorinda's then Dorinda like whips out the slut shame card and she's like, oh, so now you might be able to say that which will look at you the one who's naked in a photo shoot. So there you go. You got to be topless in a photo shoot. - That was bullshit, but Dorinda said. - Mr. Jet said, sadly you got morals now. It's like, listen, taking your shirt off and getting paid for it is very different than having like some of your fat airy dude that your friend is pretending doesn't need a leash. - Exactly. - Yeah, I would rather go naked and than to be molested like a big fat dry cleaner. - No kidding, just because you show your tits doesn't mean you want some hairy tits on your back while he's molesting you. - Then why did Ramona go storming out? Remember Ramona when storming out? When Alex McCord did like a playboy shoot back in season, Ramona was the very first person to ever go storming out of a reunion episode. She was storming out season one or I think it was season one because Alex McCord did some sort of nude photo shoot and Ramona is like, you know what? I can't be on the same stage as someone who went naked. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, goes against two faith jewelry. I'm sorry. - And now she's wearing fishnet dresses and has a boot job. - Yeah. - Loved that scene of like, oh Ramona, or that montage of poor Ramona. Ramona sure had a rough ride guys. Bertha from, you know, Beetlejuice, Alabama wants to know Ramona, what if feels like to be treated like such crap on the air and then they're like, montage of Ramona fake crying and her fishnet dress with her boob job. - I know. - Upper Ramona. And then they cut her Ramona and she's like, I'm changed, I'm a totally new person. And you know, when I heard about that whole thing, he said, don't come to the Hamptons. And then I was like, I'm going to go to the Hamptons. And so I went to the Hamptons and then I walked in and then she was in my kitchen. And then during this like, you're kitchen, you are kitchen. She was in, you are kitchen. - A bit of fat. - Get out of the kitchen. - Trying to wrap around my husband's a wiener. Like, why is the kitchen worse than that? At least you can clean off countertops. - Well, I liked, I mean, we're skipping ahead because some other stuff happened before the Ramona stuff. But I liked how, you know, before they got into Ramona stuff, Andy Cohen was only so happy to play the footage of Ramona yelling at him last year. And then she of course, like Andy, I want to say in all sincerity, I owe you an apology. Okay, you know what? I should have just said, I'm sorry, Andy. I don't want to talk about it and trying to save my marriage. But instead I came out for you. And in all sincerity, I shouldn't have said that. So I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - In all sincerity, Andy. And they just kept making fun of that in all sincerity. - Why do you keep saying that? It's not sincere. You stand on sincerity, but then you're lying. It's like, you can't say that. It's like, what is it, some ad lib? What, you're just putting your own words in there? What is this, what, I'll fill in the blank? - But before we get into the Ramona stuff. - I forgot to say 'cause I'm rambling on, but they're like, let's watch this montage of Ramona crying in a fishnet dress. And then they cut back and Andy's like, so have you had a boob job? - So yeah, we just watched five minutes of Ramona getting humiliated on national TV and sobbing. And that's your question. Like you couldn't fucking hold it in for one minute. - I know. - It's shocking that it took like one and a half episodes before you asked about her boobs. He's like, I forgot to say this during the hello section, but people on the internet are saying you might've had your boobs done. - Yeah, so there was, but before that though, there was some more Luan stuff because they were talking about Luan going to the ladies' room with that guy and Luan was like, yes, he was merely escorting me the way a gentleman would. I was just going to the ladies' room and he was just escorting me. I'm like, I had never seen a guy in like a modern, modern life, just walk a woman to the ladies' room. - Yeah, I mean if you were talking about two men, they'd have been a fucking love story, okay? But it wasn't. - Yeah, no. - This is not. And then they started-- - I'm sorry, but he was just being polite. I can't piss without a penis in my mouth. So just trying to help me. Yeah, he was just escorting me into this doll. So, but then it was, then they all started talking about how Luan really just let loose. And I love how Bethany was like, you know what, you should have a new book out called The Cool Countess. And the one was like, or The Countess is cool. No, no, Cool Countess. Not Countess is cool, Cool Countess, Cool Countess. But Countess of Cool, no, Cool Countess. I'm like, Bethany, you just like, relax. - I actually think Countess of Cool sounds better than Cool Countess. - Yeah, and then later Luan's not going to give her any credit for helping her invent her brand. - Yes. - Total, total backstabber. - Yes. - Dun dun dun. - Yeah. - What else happened here? Durinda tweets a lot. Live tweeted vacay episode dissing Heather. Blah blah blah. We already talked about that. You were dismissive. You were a good guest in my pool Moses. Wow, we've covered a lot actually. - You did it, yeah. - So Rinza mad about mother you talked about. - You talked about my mother. You asked when I got mad because you're talking about my mother, you see. Yeah, your mother would be really proud. - Yeah, they were saying that. Everyone was basically like, yeah, Durinda, when you get drunk, there's like a, there's like an undercurrent underbelly of anger that comes in. No, no, it's not. No, no anger. They're like, well, you're sensitive. Like, okay, I'm sensitive, but no anger. No, you better back it up. You see, I need no back it up. You better back it up. I like what she, she's like, yeah, I have their idea. It's not even a big deal. It's not even a big deal. And Heather's like, yes, not am I. It's not even a thing. It's not even a thing, guys. And then he's like, but you were just yelling and screaming at each other as if that's not what they're fucking doing. - That's what we do in the bicks. She is. That's what we do in the bicksions. We just yell and scream. It's pure, you know? - You know, punch out now. And I was like, we're done. Durinda's like, look, I'll, I mean, is we need a long walk and a long talk. That's what we need. A long walk and a long talk, Mr. Jetson. Then maybe we can go on the pool again. - Hey, Mama. I'm here for a long walk. A long talk. Hello. Holler, I hope you can go to your pool because that's why I came all the way out here. Oh, I love pools. Oh, I just want to use you for your pool. Let's have a fake walk talk so I can use you for your pool. - I am going to mess out there. I really am. 'Cause she is so ordinary. She can, she, I mean, she gets, she can get so, like, it's not that she gets nasty, but she can get so pointed so quickly. - Well, it's like when your mom's mad, if she's a mad mom, you know? But she's a mad mom to everybody. - But the thing is that she's so, like, she has that, like, fake, that fake mom. They're like, eh. But usually people who are fake like that, I mean, I know they have nasty sides, but to me, it's just so amazing how she can swivel between the two, so quickly. Like, sometimes, sometimes people who just have a fake smile keep a fake smile even when they're mad. You know, they just sort of like lays over and then they get mad and private, but Heather's like smiling and smiling and smiling and then all of a sudden just like, get the fuck out of my face. - Yeah. Heather, my favorite thing about watching Heather is just seeing someone who's so confident that they're right. I really love that. Even if you're wrong, I really love when someone is obviously why I would like it. Like, even when you're wrong, it's great that you're confident that you're correct. But to be so confident that you're correct and sitting there in a Brona Blazer, I mean, the juxtaposition is just beautiful. - It's beautiful. - I'll never forget it. - Yeah. - And then we come on to what a walker is because we get into the like, Ramona's getting laid section and Andy's like, oh, yeah, it looks like you're getting laid everywhere. And Beth means like, yeah, she just pretends to be a Catholic school girl, but we know we know it's not. We know what Catholic school girls do. They take out of the button. They still call themselves virgins. And Ramona's like, well, if Catholic means not having a crazy sex with people I don't know or getting ashes on my head on a Wednesday, you know, one time a year, then I'm a good Catholic girl. Okay. And they're like, no, we're talking about how like you blew that guy at the restaurant and then you had sex with that bus boy. And then remember that time you had sex with that train conductor who was passing by and Ramona's like, well, if having sex with the train conductor means being a good Catholic girl, they got loves and okay, you're right. Like that's not at all what they're saying. I love it. I love Ramona's form of arguing. - I know. - Just an eye to nine. - She's like, this one. Okay. This is so weird. But that we're talking about this. We're talking about getting blow jobs out because this one time, okay. When I was a kid, one time my father brought Geraldine Parsons Smith over. Okay. And you may not know this, but Geraldine Parsons Smith was a glass blower and she was so mean to me. And I said, you know what? From this point on, I'm never going to blow anything ever again. Okay. So I never did and I never blew Mario. But then I realized as a Catholic, I'm allowed to blow things. And who cares about Geraldine Parsons Smith? I have changed. I'm a new person. I'm a new person. So I'm blowing everything now. Okay. Sorry. - When I was a little kid in the birches, we were driving and it was a family trip to go somewhere really fun. And we were excited to be together as a family. And Dad was even in a good mood. And then there was this strange man on the side of the road with a flat tire. And my dad pulled over and he gave the stranger a blow job with an air pump. And then the guy drove away. And then my dad was in a bad mood when he got back in the car and he yelled at my mom. And so now I hate blow jobs. Okay. I don't want to talk about it. Okay. To this day, every time I walk by a leaf blower, I cry. I'm sorry. I cry. I cry. Every is not allowed to purchase blow pops. Okay. I'm sorry. Even the yellow ones that remind me of sunshine. - I love it. So they're starting to rip Romano for all these guys who supposedly sleep with them. She's like, I wasn't sleeping with them. Okay. They're called walkers. Okay. Because those are what they call the zombies on the walking dead. And I just thought that was such a funny term. It's like their walk is okay. It's like, what do you think you are to them? Like they probably called you the same fucking thing. They're like, oh, got a date with a walker tonight. Romano's like, I just, I just imagine. Brains. Okay. Is that a moment of zombie? Okay. I'm sorry. I want your brains. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know what zombie? Your day class. Hey. I'm sorry. I was only eating your brains. Okay. Because you offered them to me. I didn't take them. Your assistant gave me your brains. Okay. These brains remind me of sunshine. Okay. Handy. Must be brains. Okay. I'm sorry. But I need brains. I'm sorry. Do we have any M&M brains? Oh, God. That was so funny. Ramona, good old Ramona. So then she starts talking about Mario. And I love that she's been saying how he's talking about Mario with "Carthotic." You know, it's very "Carthotic" for me to talk about it. Okay. It's very "Carthotic." Or what's that Jewish word? Manuscha? Mariska? Mariska? Mariska. You know what? This is a very comfortable. What do you call this? That's that Jewish word. Sofa? Sofa, right? You know, the girl from Modern Family. You know, the show that you're sleeping on. You know, Bethany's gay husband. You know, the fat guy, gay husband. Sofa Viagra. So far. Yeah. Jewish, right? Okay. You know, a lot of Jewish people in Manhattan. Okay. I'm sorry. I know Judaism now. When did Bethany start dating Eric Stone Street? Are they still together? What's going on? Does Bethany have new boobs tonight on Watch What Happens? When did she start dating him? Because this whole thing where he was -- and it wasn't even a question to her. It was like, "So Ramona, is your heart healing?" And Bethany is like, "I'll tell you, his heart's not healing. My heart. I mean, my heart feels okay." You know, but the thing is, with my heart, like, my heart, you know, like, I used to think I needed a man. But now I don't think I need a man. And so I feel better. I feel better. Thanks for asking, maybe. It's not about you, Bethany. And she was saying, like, how she's dating. But I only date guys who are private now. Like, they don't have a Facebook. They don't have a Twitter. They don't have, like, a AOL account. They don't have a -- whatever, you know, like a mailing address. Like, you can't send them mail. You can't send them no one knows what they are. These men are invisible men. And that's how I like it. You know, like, who are they? Nobody knows. Because you can't find them. You can't find them. You know, the only thing I don't like about them not having a Facebook profile is that means they don't have any walls. I really hate that. I turned on five of my friends on my iPhone. And I couldn't find the guy. I was like, I know you said you would meet me here. He's not even there. He doesn't even show up on the GPS. Yeah? I'm actually dating ghosts now. That's what I do. I go to haunted houses. And I say, hey, spirits. Who wants to go out? Come on. It's like, seriously? Like, if a ghost doesn't come out of here and take me out on a date, like, I'm going to kill myself. And then I'll be a ghost. Then I'll be a ghost. And we'll both be ghosts. And we'll both be, like, dating in a haunted house. And like, it'll be the worst date ever because we'll be stuck in that house. And like, what if I want to go out sometimes? Maybe I want to go out. I mean, these are the things that I want, okay? And if you ask me about where I want to go, I will be on the floor crying, okay? Because I got so many walls up, okay? But if a ghost just takes me somewhere, then fine. I'll be happy with that. Dating a real ghost is amazing. Like, I get to make out with Patrick Swayze. And I don't have to even touch Whoopi Goldberg. It's amazing. Like, just wait until they're dead. You know what I mean? Just wait until they're dead. You know, I love pottery. I love pottery so much, you know? And so now I finally get to all the pottery that I want to do, okay? Like, I'm like, Brynn and I make a lot of pottery. But like, you know what I want to do? I want to like, I want to go and I want to haunt someone, okay? In fact, I'm going to live in the pot. I'm going to be like a genie. You know what? That's what I want. I don't want walls anymore. I just want to be in a pottery, a pottery jar. Next season, so big. Oh, I'm living a pottery. I'm so high. You know what? I live in a vase, okay? And I'm happy like that, okay? Just get out of my vase. I made it myself when I was a ghost. Oh, God. I like that Ramona's. By the way, just for the record, we've turned Ramona into a zombie and Bethany into a ghost. So, look out for a few changes, right? What? She's just dating ghosts, right? Yeah, she's just dating ghosts. But we turned her into a ghost in the meantime. I'm sorry, and Mark Helgenberger also got into the mix. So, who knows? Who knows what scary twist will come next on this very spooky, pre-Halloween episode of Watch Our Crafts. Well, congratulations. Good job getting Mark Helgenberger the dime. Yeah, go for that. Now, John can't feel the rap. He's going to be feeling you up, Mr. Topless. Taking off your top on the internet, lady. John's basically Frankenstein. He's the... That's his spooky role. Durindo. Good. Durindo. Good. In whatever horror story we put John in, I'll just always see him as, like, a hornier, Dom Delouis. Like a hornier pass, like a mix between Dom Delouis and, like... Jeff. I don't know. Someone from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Any of the husbands. Pick a husband. Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe. So, we... We keep going away from this Ramona affair. But this Ramona explanation of the affair, well, first you found a girl in your kitchen, then she's like, and I was so embarrassed. I was just... I just said, oh, I love something in the call. I bet you they had a fucking dress. Yeah, her... She like made an excuse to leave, and then she said, well... You know, Mario, he didn't mean it. You know, the thing with Mario is that he's having a midlife crisis, and I googled it. You know, and it lasts like four years. And so until it's over, it's not his fault. You know, it was hard being with me because, you know, I'm famous. And so it was hard being a man and being with me, you know, because I'm famous. I was like, is famous another word for a dick? Because I'm sure it was hard being with you because you're a dick. But I don't know that your level of fame would be that difficult to deal with. It's like what... You're not in malls enough for the, you know, people who, like, really love you to be bothering you. I mean, Chewbacca was like, listen, you know, it's very hard to compete with my star power. I mean, I was... I'm famous. I've been on Bethany's talk show. I'm so famous, okay? Okay? But my favorite is then Luann, just so many times. She goes, I never liked Mario. And at that point I, like, started to laugh, and I paused the DVR, and I'm like, I wrote this down as... You know, like, Luann says I never liked Mario. And I wrote, I'm like, yeah, no shit. Of course you hate... I was like, she's hated Mario ever since he said the countless jab. And then I started up again, and Luann goes, well, you know, one time we read an event. And someone said, excuse me, countess. And he said under his voice, count less. I was like, oh my God, I was saying that as a joke. But... She really doesn't mean it. I thought it was just countess. I least she'd miss it and doesn't make it about something else. She was like, I didn't like Mario ever since that time. That Carol slept with my chef. You know, she's making an excuse about it, like, with everything else. She's like, well, you know, my hatred of Mario really came to a head at Turks and Caicos. That's what I said. You know what, no more with this man. Oh, Luann. She's such a little hypocrite, and I love it. I love that, like, count less was like the worst thing someone could have said to her. Like, she's like, I mean, what a rude thing to say. I can't imagine anyone saying anything worse. I mean, you could have said countess, okay? Let's be honest. I'm sorry, people, for saying the C word, but, you know, I couldn't really say the cut fitness cis. That's what it should be, the cut fitness cis. Yeah. So... I just love seeing everything, what is it? I was gonna say, I think all of season two was dedicated to Luann, you know, trying to get an apology out of Mario for the countless comment. Yeah, you're such a good friend, Luann. It's like, this guy just totally screwed over your friend. You're like, I never liked him. It's not because he didn't treat you, you know, I mean, yes, he treated you badly. Yes, he dismissed you whenever I saw you. And yes, he was probably having sex with half the town. But he called me countless. How rude am I right, guys? I mean, are we in the middle ages here? I mean, it's just absolutely ridiculous. He's not allowed to sleep over my Hampton's house. It's impossible to count less when I don't count. I have people to count. I mean, who would call me a counter? I don't do math. I'm a counter. He didn't even call me a Mrs. in front of the limo driver. As requested. How is it different that I'm dating someone who's 20 when you were married to a 90-year-old? She's like, oh, who's counting? I don't count. I'm not a counter. What are you calling me? Countless? Oh, is that your way? Carol, though, that's great. You're gonna be furious with Carol over something Mario said a million years ago. They're like, Luann, we get it. You've talked about this countless amount of times. I can't believe you even said that word in my presence. Also, the difference is that is that 85 is an antique. Okay, Nuvo. Okay, Princess, Nuvo, Rish. Who's counting? Oh, I did it to myself. So then the episode basically ended with an extended revisit. Revisitation of a dressgate. Where once again, it was like, when I was like, wow, you know, I had the dress and then I spilled something on. And then I took it and then I told I could have it. And then Beth is like, no, here's what happened. I mean, Bethany did it. She's like, well, I was on her show. And then Bethany spilled wine on my dress. Remember, Pinot? Remember? And then Bethany's like, yes, we get this. And we send a PA over to you. We said to hear from you have the dress. And here's this dress. And you can have it back. It was like a herbal gé, like I see dress. And you're supposed to give it back. And you never get back. And I found it behind a wall somewhere. And then you took it back from there. And then you told three more dresses. And then you get back one and get back to you. I was like, oh my God. And then finally Ramona is like, okay, yeah. So I took it. I was like, who cares? And Bethany's like, well, give it to charity. It's not your dress. She's like, no, well, you know, I'm going to keep it. No, no, you can't keep it. You're a thief. Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I'm a thief. It's not even my dress that you stole. It's just shows. And she's like, well, the show was canceled. So sorry. Well, the dress is around me. The sunshine. Okay. Sorry. You've still got canceled. News flesh. Show doesn't want to stress back anymore because it's dead now. Bethany is like, I'm dating it now. I'm dating it. Okay. It's official. It's also, you know, this is what happens with shows sometimes, you know what? They reach a certain age and they just, they change, you know, they change and you take their dresses. It's very, it's very cathodic for me to talk about, you know, these dresses that I stole. That turned into the bigger fight of Ramona bringing up or Ramona accusing Bethany of being a cheater on the show. And Bethany's like, this is what I'm talking about. You're a liar. You're a liar. Why do you lie? Why do you got a lie at the time? But what? Why do you got a lie about me? What do you got to make things up? Ramona's like, well, Bethany, what did I make up? What did I make up? Like, did I make up the 797 people I heard the rumor from? I mean, I didn't make them up. I mean, maybe I did. Maybe I'm lying and I was just talking to all those people in my head like maybe they went there. I'm sorry. I'm a liar, but you know, it's called surviving in the barches. Okay. Yeah. I was just like, well then, you know, if it's, if it's not true, then why did like eight people tell me about it? Okay. But he's like, because they don't know what they're talking about and people like to gossip. I mean, I guess people like to talk. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Well, you know what? Then in all sincerity, I would like to apologize. Okay. Because I shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have repeated it. And I did. And it's hurtful. I'm sorry. Okay. In all sincerity. Okay. I liked it. I liked it. Bethany said, she said, well, then why did I hear it from? What did I hear it from? 800 people. And Bethany's like, because you were telling it to 800 people. That's way hurtful. Okay. So good. Mona's like, I'm not perfect. Okay. You know what? I'm maybe not perfect. I'll have a renewal party. But until then, you know, it's like imperfect me. Like let's have an imperfect me party because I'm going to celebrate the part of me that's not perfect. Okay. Okay. You know what? I'm not perfect. Okay. Just let my wrist and not perfect. And Bethany's like, you know what? Just kill me right now. Just kill me right now. Just let my wrist know. Kill me right now. Oh, so good. So this reunion. Yeah. I mean, it was like Carol is a totem pole and then Heather in a bra and a blazer and then a lot of really bad foil dresses. But overall, still fun. I still left my ass off watching it. So good. Okay. So let's move on to below deck season premiere. I have to do something. I have to go pee off my roof right now to celebrate the beginning of the below deck premiere. There's no one in yachting has ever paid off of my roof before, but I really do have to pee. I'm so sorry. Hold on. All right. Go pee. How was your pee, Ronnie? So long been. It was lovely to the listeners. It sounds like I guess he stopped recording and started up again. So it sounded like you just peed enough yet a flash pea. I wish I could be like that. Everything is the biggest waste of time in life. Sometimes I'm peeing and I'm like, this is the dumbest invention ever. Like whoever like when God was inventing humans, what was with that? He's like, I think that people just should take a break every a few times a day. Just have some time to sit down. What can I have them do? We'll have them pee. Should I put some candy crush maybe in their mind? Nope, pee. Definitely pee. I hate a long pee when you're just peeing like, Oh my God is not ending. You know, there's ones that like take like a minute. You're like, where does this come from? And you just got a little squirt. No, it's just those naked gun peas. Yeah, where like it seems like it's ending and it's like, Oh wait, here comes act two. Mm. The Leslie Nielsen pee, like you have that ending. It's like, this is the part three reunion of the pee. It's like, oh, just make it stop. How many hours are you going to talk about this pee? So let's go on to below, Jack. Okay. I thought this season premiere was hilarious. I was cracking up the entire time. I was too. This was so good. Made on a boat. Made on a boat. Made on a boat. And this time one of them actually did refer to themselves as a maid. That was Amy. Amy was like, I'm on this luxury yacht, but I'm a maid. I don't think she even realized that until she heard her show. She was like, wait a second, I am I am paid to make beds. I guess I am a maid, damn it. I'm really mad that you had a blow job with my boyfriend. That was her thing last season. So the show opened. The thing, we just even have to start on the beginning, like the just very opening credits. Because Amy, girl, I actually am like Kate. I like Amy more this year. I don't know why. I've like embraced her stupidity and her innocence, but she is killing me because she's like, look, I'm not going to dwell on the negative. I'm going to come back to that show and I'm going to have new hair. Amy is going to change everything. She's that girl at the beginning of the school year who gets a new haircut and she thinks her life is going to change. And then she's pushed into a locker and you're like, oh God, you've got all that money, super cuts. That's totally Amy, Amy, that plastic hair girl. And it's like Amy Winehouse hair. Yeah. Texas. Amy. Well, we met a meal who is so hot. It's out of control. A meal. The sale of the African. I don't know. He's like, he is hot, of course. Like, I'm not. Please. I'm not stupid. I'm not blind. He's hot, but he's hot and that like, sorry to bring up gay porn again, you guys. I'm really sorry, but it's my only relationship. He's like Euro. He's like that Euro game porn where everybody is really pretty, but then they open their mouth and they're like, oh, hell, you're doing the homework. And you're like, oh my God, I can't find myself today. Oh, yeah. I mean, could you expect anything more? I mean, that's fine. He's just hot. He would expect him to be sexy, but then he's just long and boring. And then there's just like 10 minutes shots of him walking on the street and I'm like, how is this porn? That's how I feel about it. I am OK with the meal. A meal, he looks pretty and he is a cool sale set for connection. So I like him. And then there's also Don, who is hot in like a Guido sort of way, but he's kind of like annoying. He's hot and like, what's the cheapest gym in town? Do we have a planet fitness here? We do actually. I'm like, Pico and I mean, who needs to know? No, he's like Hollywood, Hollywood, poor Jim. So you're Jim's or I'll say, I'm not a fitness, so I'm not a fitness. He could be an LA fit. He could actually. There are a lot of hot guy, a lot of hot straight guys at LA fitness. Yeah. He's like Guido. Yeah. Like he's like, prison hot. He's hot. He's hot in a Guido way. He's kind of annoying about what he talked about. He's like, yeah, I'm an engineer. You know, I studied the boat. I'm not, you know, I'm a perfectionist. You know, that's what I'm all about. I'm like, congratulations. Yeah. I'm a machine. Look at me. I'm a machine. Look at me. I'm a machine. I lift things. I lift things. I'm like a machine. Oh, God. You've got muscles. Congratulations. I love when people pretend that that's a fucking talent. Like you get muscles because you go to the gym and lift things. Okay. You weren't born with anything telling. Get every fucking, every fucking personal trainer I follow or like a weight lifter who's like sexy on Instagram, they feel it's like their obligation to post a paragraph of inspiration. Like never give up. The struggle is always real. I can't tell you how many times I thought I didn't want to go to the gym today. But I had said I pushed through and now I'm here and you can do it too. All it takes is like it goes on and on and on every single picture. I'm like, you know what? I'm not here for your stupid corny inspiration. I'm here just to look at your shirtless body. So just shut up. Yeah. No one needs you to be positive. Okay. Whip out your dick and let's get this on. I don't need to hear you. I don't need a meme. All right. No, I know. So then, then we met Rocky. She is, she's a stew who once was a diver and wants to be a chef and sings show tunes. And I'm not sure if I love her or hate her yet, but she's like, that girl is the extra and fiddler on the roof who thinks every wedding scene is about her. It's like bitch. No. Okay. It's not about you. The bottle dancers are on. You need to pack the fuck down. Okay. She's like smiling too big and looking at the audience, like giving takes to the audience. Like no, honey. We're in the chorus. She's like, is this the little yacht I washed down? She's always got that little, that look, that huge smile on her face. Like, is it sunrise or is it sunset? I don't know. It's crazy. What's gonna happen? Sunrise or sunset? It's not about you. If I were a rich man, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, I would be on this yacht. Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much. And she's like, we were all, all the people in my family, she's kind of like Meg from Big Brother, in that she's like, I'm wacky. I'm so crazy. You said the difference is that I'm grown. I am laughing right now for no reason. The difference is that I actually have grown to really like Meg and I think that Meg is cool. But Raquel or Rocky is, she's a theater kid. She is definitely like an Anne Hathaway on a boat with a different face and hair and different body. And she said that all of her. She's been possessed. Basically, it's all of me with Lily Tomlin, Side Steve Martin, except it's Anne Hathaway. It's been possessed. Raquel. Raquel. I think Anne Hathaway isn't that wacky. I think Anne Hathaway is more of a Heather. Yeah. You know, actually, the truth is you know who Raquel is. She is Molly Shannon's character, Helen Madden, the licensed geologists. Remember how, remember she would come on and she's like, what was the thing she'd say? I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. You know, when she took her and her feet in the hair, they even have the same hair. I mean, so basically, Rocky is a licensed geologist. Mm-hmm. Oh, Rocky. Rocky is gonna make herself really stand out in these chorus scenes and she's already doing it. She's like, I'm eating a nut. I'm crazy. I know. I'm literally eating it out. Yeah. I'm nuts. I am right now. There was like one scene where someone asked her one simple question and then she started booty shaking and she's like, wow, let me answer that for you. I'm like, Jesus, lady. I'm gonna start. I'm gonna become a Broadway composer just so I can write musicals without a chorus. Okay, bitch. That's how much you're making me crazy. And those are the worst musicals. So then we also met Connie, who is this season's plain girl, you know, last season we had her. She was surprising, wasn't she? Because she wasn't. I was surprised because she's not playing at all like she's, I thought she was gonna be like that girl from last year who just wanted to follow the muscle guy around who's probably gay. What are they? Who are they? I don't care. Who cares? Who's FaceTime kept going out whenever she tried to like get romantic. Yeah. On accident. Yeah. I thought she was gonna be like that girl, but she's not at all. She's like, hi, I'm Connie. You know, if you want to pick me up and you're a guy, here's what to say. Get in my truck. Yeah. She's like, she goes. She, you know, I thought she was like, she was like, she was trashy. She was like. She's like. She's like, here's what you do if you want to get in my pants. You got to say, get in my truck. You want to be here? You want to go fishing? Let's go kill a gator. I'm like slowly my penis is tripling off. I loved it. I think she's hilarious. No, but the thing is, that would have been funny, but she's and that's how Connie's clothes come off. No, no, no, I, I, it could have been funny, but she still is so plain and boring. Like the fact that, I don't know, like when she, her, the first thing she's talking about when she sees a meal is like, oh my God, like a meal has no game. I'm like, do you think a meal is trying to get in with you, Connie? Like, if you want to get with me, I'm like, uh, he clearly doesn't. But then you know what wasn't clear who a meal wants a meal, a meal's that guy. He's that, he's that poster I need to make for schools. Okay. If he's that hot, he's got an STD. Don't fuck him. Like if you want to have safe sex, fuck somebody uglier because look, that's what the hot guys do. He's like, oh yeah, I, I want to have sex with all of them. I'm going to stick my playing this in every single one of them. I love being surrounded by girls. They're just going to be a real housewives of Atlantic because I can't do whatever he were. Well, I think that the, um, the thing with Connie that annoys me is that she's clearly one of these girls who's like, she thinks all the guys are hitting on her, even though she's like very plain. And she's also, I'm sure she's going to say at some point in the season like, Hey, I'm just like one of the guys, I just like hanging out and having a beer. I'm just, I'm just like a guy. You know, I hate when girls say that. Yeah. She's like, yeah, I'm just like one of the guys, you know, like nothing sexual happens until we're drunk and then, then we blow each other. I mean, yeah. And I'm like, I'm like, all over again. Yeah. Whenever girls say I'm just like one of the guys, you, those are the girls are like the neediest. And I like her. I think she's so kooky. I think she's like legit kooky. I like her. They're like, Oh, it's a crazy person get her. And also if Kate will hang out with her, I know I'll like her because I'm just like a miserable person, like Kate. And so I know that I would like that kind of person. That's the girl who's like, she's always blowing a guy at a party and she's always got weed. Like she's a and come obviously. Well, I'm sure in real life, Connie is the most fun to hang out with. That's not a question. I'm just talking about purely as like a reality show character and like compared to like the other people on this yacht, she is the plain one. Now also speaking of here for different people because I'm team Connie. Well, I'm team Kate. Kate is. Oh, I'm in a national. They're on the same team. I know, but I'm just I'm taking the different numbers, different numbers on their jersey, but they're on the same team. So speaking of boring, then we have Leon, the new chef, and he comes up. Oh, Leon, the eyebrow chef, shut up with your eyebrows. Your eyebrows need to shut the fuck off. Yeah, he's just like a low-rent Vin Diesel. And that's insulting to even Vin Diesel. He just I don't even believe his accent. I don't think it's real. He comes on and he's so like boring and I love he's rooming with Kate. And the first thing is he's like making he's like, I need to have two pillows. Is it possible to get two pillows and kids like great, like this guy's could be so boring. Well, they obviously cast this year thinking of reality, showed like types and who can bring drama. I mean, most of the people don't even do their jobs. You know, they're not even they don't even know what their jobs are supposed to be. They're like, well, I mean, I'm a musical theater chorus person, but I decided to take this job wacky. Yeah. And he's one of them, he's, you know, his first scene, he's like, I'm going to be difficult with the weird fake accent. You won't get me tails. I need, you know, I need moisturizer. I need scrub. It's like, shut up. No one buys it. No one treats the chef like this. Okay. The reason chefs are such dicks is because they work so hard and then people treat them like to help because they are okay. You're cooking for people. So fuck up at the end of the day, you may be made, you may be head made, but you still made bitch. Yeah. So I like though when Kate saw that Amy was back because Kate immediately got her bitch face on her resting bitch face. And also I have to say the fact that Kate and Connie, your friends did like from previous boat excursions did make me chuckle because I was like, oh poor Amy is going to be totally left out again. And it's like what you said, like she is going to get paranoid. She's been left out and then she'd be like, you all don't have to be talking about me behind my backs. I just want to be part of it. And like, you know, it's another rough charter season for Amy. I love it because you know those kids going to be like, well, I think that guy is looking at you. Yeah, I'm going to go have sex with him, but I like that guy, but that's the guy I was pointing out guys. Well, I'm excited for you. I'm excited for you. But yeah, I hurt my feelings when she, she blew the guy that I love. It hurt me. I know. Meanwhile, Rocky, when we met Rocky, like more officially, she told us that she came from the theatrical family because her sisters are named after like Sophia Lauren and Ava Gardner and Bridget Bartow. I'm like, I don't think you were raised by a theatrical family. I think you were just raised by gay men. I think that's it. I think you were raised by people who just set standards way too high for you. It's like, this is my daughter, Mary Lou Rhetton. She will never ever achieve that. She will never even be able to jump. But this is Mary Lou. It's like, no, don't name your, don't name your children that. If you're two homely people having children, don't be naming them movie star names. That's just cruel. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, I was basically raised by two gay parents who wanted to make me as insufferable as possible by having me raised in a theatrical environment. It's so funny that they named me after Raquel Welch because I act like Chrissy from Three's Company. Theatrical! You're not theatrical. You're an asshole. Sit down. Yeah. I like when they're like, hey, here's, oh wait, we're not finished with the cast yet. Sorry. Sorry, darling. No, no, I was, no. Then we get to Captain Tam. Listen here. Welcome to my boat. Here's what I don't like. I don't like people not doing things on the boat. If you're on a boat, you're here to do things. So listen up, kids. You're going to do things. And if you don't do things, you're out of here because I'm a hardass and I require things to be done. So get out there and do some things, kids. That's right. Rocky's like, well, thank God there's no sexual tension. And then cut to her face. And she's like, oh God, I'm going to get him inside of me so bad. This season is going to be crazy. It will be crazy. I love also that Kate automatically does not like Rocky. I mean, you can tell because the moment that Rocky said, she's like, yeah, I'd love to really help out in the kitchen. I don't have as much experience doing laundry and kids like hold the fuck up. Wait a second. Every still love doing laundry because you're not talking to the motherfucking people on the boat. You're just with the machines. It's the only time in life when you're talking to people who are on the same level as you at machines. Yep. She's like, I'm the people on the same level. They pay one price and they think they own you forever. And that's how we like it. That whole thing was so funny because Rocky is pretending that she's even been on a boat before. And she's like, oh shit, you do not work on this boat, girl. Everybody loves the laundry room. So Kate loves doing her job and this girl doesn't watch out. Well, she wants to be a chef. So she's going to. I don't even believe that. She's like, when I get, when I want something, I really get it like I just, I have like one of mine. I'm so focused. I'm like, really? Because you know that last year you were working at like Treasure Island. Yeah. Give me a break, bitch. Yeah. Exactly. Just because you paddled the gondola in the Venetian in Las Vegas doesn't mean that you're suited to be on the yachts. Yeah. She's totally that girl. You know that like four years ago she wanted to be the head flier passer-outer in front of like the Bellagio or whatever, like get some better dreams. She's like, this is my dream to cook on a boat from the 80s. I'm going to do it, guys. It's like, oh my God, I'm hired, darling, you're going to shoot a human. Yeah. My next note is, I don't even know what this is an allusion to, I just say, Don is already so annoying. Oh, he's so gross. He's like, yeah, well, yeah, I'll lift things and you know, when I was like being a machine with my mind, I learned like engineer work and so I'm not really into sweeping. I'm more like, you know, like engineer things because like I'm really smart, like, and that's what I think about. My mind is like a machine and so is my body. It's like a machine machine. It's like two machines talking to each other. Okay. It's like, really? That sounds like heaven. She's like, my favorite romantic comedy of all time is Terminator 2. Just a whole bunch of machines. You know, it's like that wonderful love story of like robot meets robot, robot falls for robot, robot chases robot, and then robot dies trying to win the love of robot. Such a beautiful movie. I mean, there were so many questions though in that movie, like, why was everybody running from the robots? I mean, that whole thing could have just been solved if they just waited and embraced the robot and learned to enjoy it silent time while they tried to read a people from five months ago that it gets left on the boat. She's like, I was always rooting for the machines and the matrix. I could not wait for the agents to kill Neo. Who the fuck does he think he is ruining the order of the robots? Oh, okay. I think the reason why I said Don was so annoying is because this is the part of the show where Don tried to do something with a hook or something like that and someone told him not to do it. And then Eddie was like, listen, when you're up on the deck, you answer to me. And I was like, well, he's like, I'm important, respect my authority. Yeah. He's very like, I'm the boss and this is how people will do things around me. If he can be an engineer, all he wants, but I'm the head sweeper. And so when you're on deck and I tell you to sweep, you better do it, mister. 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So then finally our first guest of the season arrived and oh my god these guys were hilarious. This guy Steve is some millionaire billionaire. He comes on with his family or friends wherever they are. And the first thing is he's like so we hear a story that we're hearing that arrow Smith is somewhere around here on the on the Bahamas you think we could find that with Smith. Kate is like arrow Smith she's like that's so 90s I know Kate said that about everything though this this episode did you notice she sounded like us talking about Heather everything they brought up she's like arrows Smith that's so 90s and then they brought up a phone party that is so I'm like what happened to you in your 30s that you hate the 90s so much like what or however old you are like what well it is all happened back then. It is kind of funny to see these guys. I mean our Smith is a legendary rock band but these guys like oh my god we might be able to meet our Smith. You know what you have to do just go to the sunset marquee and you'll see our Smith they're there all the time. That's like how to do Steve don't wait for him to wash up onto your yacht you know just go to any that guy gets so drunk you can go to any bus stop in Hollywood and think you're seeing Aeros man. I know they should have just told him that that what's his face Steve Perry and the guy you know what's his face no I don't know because those are people like Shannon would listen to I'm 30 I don't know I'm forgetting both the names I know Steve Perry is from Journey I can't remember Joe Perry and the band is named even Tyler Steve and Tyler arrows who even uses arrows anymore like even computers don't use arrows it's what we have mouse stupid band the dumb old person bands own old person bands hmm no one needs arrows we don't even need arrows on maps anymore we have like phones to tell us which way to turn. Old people old people in their directional symbols like enough already I love this drunk guy. He was the first drunk ever I'm rather we've gotten so many trashy sad miserable drunks I'm really glad that somebody is reminding the world that it's fun to be drunk that's the reason people become drunks okay yeah this kind of how to have a good time instead of being like it's a year five you stole my house call or like yeah we can't together you got a bitch you treated me like a bitch he's like I love you guys so much like my family everybody is my best friend let's have a phone party yeah he's like alright he by the way he did ask for our Smith several times like I want to go see if we can be a house Smith and my favorite part was then he went in the bathroom with his girlfriend he's like you peeing yeah pee pee yeah you peeing pee and Amy's like I heard their conversation and I'm not sure what they talk about is a couple but it's not so interesting cut it yeah peeing yeah you peeing are you peeing now are you peeing yeah I don't know about that but you know what she is lucky to have a man I mean come to think of it he is supportive I loved him why does he take my man I'm never gonna be able to peeing him without crying no one's there to support me while I pee I love you so then they have dinner by the way Leon's food looked absolutely delicious I thought look better than Ben's food and I love again Steve was so a more autistic donning he spends more time with a with a knife he also got the food out on time by the way he didn't act like he was first day of work at the he didn't act like he was freaking out LeBron Dan okay he just put the food out there and look good and Steve of course is so waste he's like I'm I'm like loving it this is like great great food he's like I love you Aerosmith they're like yeah those are some old dried pork rinds donning out of your suitcase exactly he sounds better than ever I love you he's like ladies and gentlemen my lion thank you my lion for coming on this very special I hate him because at the beginning of the episode when he came onto the boat he's like oh I had a chef named Leon when I was on Billionaires Island in the Bahamas it's like oh shut up it's like you know like that's the thing with people who work out they're like look I work out they're like yes I can see that I can thank you for announcing it dawn but I see that you work out and this guy's like that but like that's what rich people do if they're like hi nice to meet you I'm wealthy like yeah we get it okay no one gets put it away yeah he's you turn out to be cool I thought he's gonna be awful and then when they did the foam party like the saddest foam party of all time it was like ankle ankle high and he had like some big bar mitzvah sunglasses on or whatever and he's like yeah foam party foam and it was so sad and like other people on Bravo would be like I can't believe there's not more foam this is ruined my knight is ruined and he was just like yeah fuck yeah he kind of was that he was too drunk to really get abs like and his friends are just looking from the balcony like oh this sad sack of shit I can't believe we're friends with him and I also liked him because of his friends because he didn't you know most rich guys especially on these shows most of the rich guys have all these model idiots pretending that they're funny and charming and smart and his friends aren't like that at all like they're like homelier and I mean they've used his money to get good haircuts and have good makeup and stuff like they all look very good I'm not calling them anything but I just like it they're like more normal people they're like oh god we hang out with an asshole sometimes and I like that it's so nice to see somebody not getting their ass kissed on one of these shows by a young ochre I agree well I assume there was his family which is why they weren't kissing his ass but yeah I agree totally Steve you you you you won you did a great job you went you know I never had a sceying in a blazer or jet skiing in a blazer like good good for you Steve you look like you were wasted and we're having so much fun that actually made me want to go out and get wasted so and speaking of all that they did have like a lot of montages of and now the the anchors going up in the boat starting and now they're riding through the waters and now look it's a sunset and jet skis and I thought this is so funny for maids on a boat because this is basically the montage of if it was real maids like watching someone squeeze out the water from the dirty mop in the janitor closet or like you know making sure that there's a new Swiffer thing on the Swiffer you know well um the episode then ended with a massive cliffhanger because a meal a meal in rocky you know what's funny I wrote it in my notes a meal in radar or up on the mask I called her radar anyway she is sort of like a radar but a meal in rocky decided for some aquinas they decided I'm like what are you coming I'm just gonna make her make she's just making my mind so they decided to climb to the top of the boat which is where you're not supposed to go especially when the boat is not in harbor and especially when the boat's moving and they're at the tippy top right by the radar which is swinging around like a like a thing that swings around and it was a big deal it was a it's a big deal guys it's a big deal yeah okay that's when Kate said I've never seen anything like this in yachting never like they could fall off they could die I was like all right I'm up for it and they're like whoa let's take a selfie yeah and then Alex P. Keaton's like they could die if the boat even moves 5 centimeters they'll be dead we'll never find him again they'll be at the bottom of the ocean and then hey natural selection away at that again I said natural selection yeah no kidding the idiots should die off soon at telling but let's not be mean to rocky bin because I'm just a mermaid I'm just a mermaid and I'm trapped in the dolphin body and I'm in the water but I'm trapped I'm trapped in this fishbowl and I just need to get out I need to be I need to be in the treasure chest I need to be cooking the gold in the treasure chest did she know what she signed up for you know she does she realize that like if you're a maid on a boat you don't get to go swimming in the ocean and it's also not safe to do that just like in the middle you like well is she just a total idiot yes and there's no glass ceiling on a on this show downing alright there's no glass ceiling to burst through there's like a lid with a lock on it you ain't ever going anywhere you better get good at making beds yeah make some rocket towels all right so super not wait can we yeah I think this will be the best season yet so let's move on let's touch on real quickly my fab 40 milk weekly because I have 10 pages of notes okay I did not take too many notes because it was like you know it was funny but it was weird I thought that the birthday girls were going to be crazier but the birthday girls are pretty normal and it was the party planner who was bonkers just sort of look like a Nikki Cox what so it's not the same party planner every week it's not like I don't think so I wish it was because the party planner was the best part about it she was like Kathy Sofia drag winging playing Kathy Griffin playing Nicky Larry Charis playing Nicky Cox oh Valerie Charis totally from the comeback 100% total wig Kathy Griffin phase Nicky Cox face actually I thought total Nicky Cox face oh my god watch it again who will see Kathy Griffin look up Nicky I'm a drag queen to play Valerie Charis I'm telling you look up Nicky Cox do you know you know who Nicky Cox is yeah for us yeah Mary I'm very I'm very serious about this Nicky Cox comparison I will not I will not step down I will put a face by face you know what this comparison I think Griffin and this crazy training on this show Ronnie this comparison is totally fierce it's just a fierce it's a fierce fun comparison she even had that like kind of man voice I love the party planner she's like hello lady well she's heard about an affected accent too let's let's just get fierce we're gonna have a fierce 40th birthday for you yeah it's gonna be just wonderful it was that accent it wasn't it's a figment on accent it's like that 50 that 1950s affected movie star accent you know they talk back there I could get anything for you so this hello so this episode was about Tina Fan Rachel Dratch celebrating their joint I said Rachel Dratch too I said Rachel Dratch played by Shario Terry so basically it was like these two girls two women who are besties and they they were gonna have a joint 40th birthday party but what was funny is that like 20 minutes into we find out that Rachel Dratch is actually 41 and just her 40th birthday saw cuz her husband left her two days beforehand so do you know this girl is depressing because her necklace was like a bungee cord tied in a sailor knot oh my god you're on Bravo you know don't bring up wrestle like we get that you're depressed but that's no need lady no need all right too far darling too far too far so um there was like a so so the women go and they meet Serena they're like we're really excited to meet Serena by the way if you can steer this if you want you took more notes do you want to steer it you can steer it it'll take forever I'm as I was assuming that you were steering cuz we're gonna be here for 10 hours okay cuz I'll steer I'll steer for 20 minutes at the beginning but I did love I well first of all this Serena chick is amazing yeah and I love that she you knew she was full of shit well first she just looks full of shit like she's literally full of like shit well these women these women were so excited they were like we're so we we found the best party planner she is like the end all be all and they're like she's like she's worked with Ted Danson it's like oh my god I know it's like wow well in that case no no it wasn't the party where he was in blackface and got in trouble but it did make the paper well it made one paper it was in the listings of the paper so it's the most great Ted Danson you know here's on cheers so wow so they meet with her and she's like ladies we're just gonna have the most fierce 40th birthday and that thing is celebrate your business celebrate your laziness ladies oh ladies oh ladies yes anything I'm going to have I'm going to have a rainbow come down from heaven and you will both slide down your individual rainbows the rainbows will meet in the middle then they will catch you and drop you into matching Ferraris when you'll be jetted off to a pony farm you'll get on the ponies they will ride you to a prince charming you will have sex with him he will kiss you you will fall asleep but queen will save you reversing the roles and then you will arrive at a civic center when 9 000 people are gathered for your birth it's like this bitch is not gonna come through to want anything well I know every she just said yes to everything and I love that they're most pressing and important uh requests was to have train perform and the not only just have an arrow smith to chain train yeah right the best the best was she was like oh my ladies would you would you like a performance by anyone and they're like well we do like she's like well just who if you could have anyone perform that's what I can get anybody madonna who would you want and then the girls like well and the girls are like well all right I thought of someone she's like I have someone too should we say at the same time yeah train and that poor drag queen was like what she's like well I have plenty of people that can make you feel like you've been knocked in the face with the train no problem ladies I know everybody like if we could have drops of Jupiter sung to us at our birthday that would be the most beautiful thing of all time and then the sad one's like it's because when my husband left me I felt like I was hit by a train and so now train speaks to me literally and then it hits me and then I start sobbing and I call my friend every time they showed this woman she's like I'm losing it I'm depressed I'm gonna lose it I'm depressed my god the worst is when I had to meet my husband's mistress and her name was Virginia and I can never listen to meet Virginia by train anymore my favorite train song of all time ruined oh that I in a way I feel sorry for her but I really feel sorry for her friend who has to listen to it because they broke up friends a while back because the she's a looking friend um got divorced and then Richard the side of the side of the ex husband along with her husband yeah and they dumped that friend and then when she got dumped then it was like a big different story and then they became best friends again so fuck that girl I'm not gonna sit there I'm not gonna sit there if I'm the model friend which I've never been but if I'm the model friend I'm not going to be sitting there listening to this bitch who ditched me when I was going through the worst time of my life the model friend is being supportive because the Rachel Drash friend is the duff you know the designated that's what I'm saying like she's like no she needed her duff she left her in the oh I see what she needs her duff makes her look better it ain't lost without her early y'all yeah so Kate's less pretty in other shows have you noticed mm-hmm so um what was I gonna say so so anyway yeah so they want uh they want lots of things actually the things that they want I mean there's we're not that crazy I mean Rachel Drash wanted pigs in a blanket and then Serena's like every of the most glamorous pigs in a blanket you've ever seen in your life with fierce fierce pigs in a blanket I love that by the way Serena you know it's still clinging on to slang from 2004 so fierce like Tarot Banks says yes she got slapped on the head when she was transitioning and now everything from that year is stuck in her mind she's never gonna be able to let it go so we're gonna have them in the platters and other than it's gonna be sternos and they're gonna be the fiercest sternos ever because I know who invented sternos and I'm gonna call them they're gonna I'm gonna you're gonna have the adventure of sternos do an interpretive dance as he lights every single sterno it's just to be so fierce like you know I've helped the jello king right the best serene alarm yeah you know the jello king is uh no so how about some aerial but the champagne is let's have let's do the aerial toast okay it's gonna be you know what it's gonna be we're gonna have aerial toast and we're not gonna have pigs in a blanket we're gonna have fierce in a blanket that's what's gonna be I'm gonna give blankets to everyone when you wear your blanket you'll be fierce who needs a pig you know that's a hot dog ah well okay it's fierce hot dogs too so then pigs don't have blankets if pigs had blankets they would get the blankets dirty and then you'd be eating a dirty blanket and who wants a dirty blanket am I right ladies I know everyone all have warf game here okay hey fierce i'm gonna ride it on a unicorn i'll have wolf gang katera oh wolf gang puk that's amazing no his name is more is wolf gang kashir flyer but he's very good too he's been up for your king for several years now now he doesn't own any restaurants he's worked it a couple though i'm telling he was fired when they found my Megan's list but he's so fabulous he's fierce he can refill he can refill a water glass like no one else goes just fierce water glass refills fierce just the water comes cascading in it's just magical fiesta water wonderland so um so then the first thing that goes wrong is that there was this charter plane situation and they were gonna serene us at the plane will be big enough that everyone's entourage will be able to go in there well these ladies these ladies run a heart foundation because one of their kids was born with a heart defect so they teamed up and they run this art foundation and i didn't understand that at first and so when the lady was there offering them she's like ladies i have a special surprise and it was this lady who's like because of the heart foundation for children with heart defects were giving you a private jet they're like oh my god a private jet like yes ladies the heart found it this is for children with heart defects like oh my god can all of our friends fit yes ladies and train children with the murmuring hearts well um well i have to give it to these two women by the way because things kept on going wrong and we're so used to these assholes on my super sweet sweet 16 or any of the real house or any brava show when one thing is out of place they freak out and they become such assholes and these women they kind of just rolled with every punch and just last would have because she started losing her shit a few times and then she stopped because she's like i don't want to be the fat crying one while my model sitting over there all calm and collected i'm not going to do it again i'm not going to do it again so yeah so like you want to wear the same dress let's wear twin dresses let's just wear the same dress and the model is like um they were like figure skaters doing a twin dress with your model friend like that is in automatic before and after it was very it seemed like a romea michelle moment or something like that but um but so the first thing that went wrong was that the plane that's supposed to fit all their entourage only fit four people um i'm sorry lady i'm sorry it's bad news is that if the children had AIDS maybe but you know heartburners get a smaller plane what can i tell you go back as god for a worst disease like can i tell you ladies i'm sorry ladies it was a very fierce situation came up ted dancing needed to use the big plan to go to fly to texas so we gave you the little plane but still they fierce engines so get on board ladies gonna fly down to lagoons the beach sisters but um so the model is nice gave it to rachel drash because basically this entire thing was basically a pity party for rachel drash like well she didn't get to have a 40th birthday so the whole point was that they needed but the cake on the plane and rachel drash this this was a moment those very stages like oh my god i forgot about the cake and i didn't realize until now that we've landed it was so stupid i was like yeah when we've landed like you're so this we know that the producer said don't take the cake like it's like you don't have to fool us and it was a non-issue who cares who cares and they've got enough creepy shit happening um without the cake drama like just show the neurotic one because she was so funny and i love i didn't even mention this but i love the way that this show starts because it was so funny that they just showed a montage of people going i am 40 this is going to be fabulous i cannot wait i'm young and then they show the model one wearing like madonna gloves from the 80s and they're like um 14 it's like then why do you have j-lo glasses and then they're like we're young we're still young who cares if we're 40 let's take a ride my golf cart i'm like oh my god can you do any they're like let's go to louvies let's go to louvies and get to tuesday louvance but i'm for a 659 to youth we're 20 again like home yeah moon over miami much i know she's like we are young now excuse us while we go to the debbie retels musical review but um so so they get they arrive in luguna beach which by the way it's funny to me because normally it's people in this area go to vegas for these things so it's funny to think of people from vegas coming here but um uh so you go to luguna beach they meet up with serina and she's like she was like well ladies i'm so glad to have you in this fierce shop because i can tell you we've had some some very fierce hiccups so we're having some some fierce issues with our fierce insurance uh we won't have Ferraris for you but we do have three four fiesta's that will pick you up and take you to the party that's more than an american i don't win against i think yet you would feel like celebrity as ladies isn't that fierce circus now excuse missy i'm going to go find the cake while you shop so let's have a fierce time with the leopard surprises well we don't have i'm so sorry that we don't have Ferraris blame insurance thankfully we've found a wonderful man on uber x you don't even have to tip him ladies because your fierce and you deserve this luckily Ted danson has generously agreed to donate his session wagon so we can all pile in with the cake Ted danson will be here on a bicycle to take you one at a time from the hotel and he will be in blackface and the rinder will try and order a drink from him it'll be a wonderful mess a wonderful fierce mess by the way did you notice that serina was referring to herself as a lifestyle architect oh what a lifestyle architect no you can't even architect your damn plastic weave okay you look like you're running a bingo night at hamburger marries get out of here with your lifestyle architect i know i know this is an inner stupid pleather pants so then you know things continue to go wrong so then the the that's time of the night of the big 40th birthday and the women are trying on different outfits and they're gonna you know maybe be twinsies or not finally they decide on something and then they're waiting outside of their um their hotel and by the way i've skipped over their big chunks of the show where the women just cried it was just like a sequence of them crying be like oh my god my husband left me it's like non-stop one girl over and over again and by the end of the episode i was like oh my god you seriously cried over every little thing and you threw a fit that address uh dress didn't fit right that you picked out and i mean she was right she did have five boobs but i was like yeah i was like the boobs look good and i love how she's getting her makeup done she's like oh my god is this what 40 feels like yeah i bet you've been 40 for a year now you know what 40 feels like a good virgin boy so but i like that she said oh is this is this 40 putting on new horrible ugly dresses every ten minutes because i could do this forever it's like honey i'm sure you've done this your whole life let's stop pretending that these ugly dresses just stopped happening yesterday you've had five boobs since you were 13 and you've been wearing terrible clothes since then too just stop stop with the fronting okay darling this is 40 you don't have to front anymore let's your 40s hang out telling yeah so then the girls were out waiting for their well it wasn't going to be Ferraris they were down in reality they were downgraded from Ferraris to Audi's which is also kind of funny like okay an Audi like seriously seriously no they got mozzarot they got a mozzarot eventually but it was going to be going to be an Audi's so they're waiting also told them she's like oh just popped up in the back seat if you're Audi ladies fierce just also wanted to have mentioned that um train will be filming a christmas special that day and maybe if they get out early they can come by but otherwise no one's using Jordan's box so we call her ladies oh by the way the fact that they couldn't even get trained for the show is a bad it's bad sign bad sign I mean even Cheryl Crow did big brother so I mean anyway so um so then uh they're waiting and they're waiting for their cars that means all the guests are waiting and Serena won't let them into the party she's like I'm so sorry there's weather as fierce and cold we cannot go inside so the grand presentation so everyone just stand out here cold into my wig and for warmth that's all fierce fierce I'm glad I didn't let them have pigs in the blanket because the only thing wrong here would be those little pigs and then we don't stand out here being jealous of little pigs not at my party ladies not at my fierce fabulous party ladies yeah so then the women finally arrive and then they go inside and everyone's mingling and it's sort of this strange whimsical bizarre party and the best history is like ladies and gentlemen we have a very special guest I would like you to turn your fierce attention to this fierce guest and the girls like train train train and this random opera singer comes out on the balcony and serenades them for for one minute and then goes away and they're like okay and they put up the cost and it's like twenty five hundred dollars come on now when is an opera singer ever been paid twenty five hundred dollars ever okay I'm not talking about the professional met you know fat lady singing with horns on her head of course she does but who else there is no opera singer in the world who makes that much money that girl has not orange county more money off these bitches than she has made her entire lifespan at the singing waitress job yeah exactly so then the party the party keeps on going there are no pigs in a blanket which is very upsetting to Rachel dratch and I actually I would be pissed too if that I said the one thing you need to do is get pigs in the blanket I mean just go to Ralph's and get some of the Hebrew national ones and throw the Ralph Lauren I could get him I know Ralph if it wraps what you want just say the word Ralph settled yeah she I would have been I actually would have been it's funny because normally I get mad at the people who got mad at their party planners um I'm like you got to settle down but in this case I actually would have plotted them getting mad at this woman and they were like eh whatever well because there's pigs in a blanket yeah I mean I know the model didn't want pigs in a blanket anyway that's awful and then the Rachel dratch was like what Sliders we can have sliders too those are fashionable it's like okay please please stop it you're you're trying to wear a twin dress with your model friend and asking for sliders stop just stop so then they go inside actually around your neck so then cocktail hours over they go inside the party party and the band is just a guy playing the sitar it was also $2,500 yeah is there also some is there like some bottom of the basement talent ring that just charges a flat-view of $2,500 yeah it's uh what's her face is it's Shandy's agency and from let's win heels that provides I will get you the least requested performers in the city for $2,500 a piece so well I keep trying to hang myself but I'm doing it with a bungee cord so I just keep bouncing back how many times do I have to get my neck broken so then Serena is just like oh isn't this sitar player so fierce oh and look we have a cellist who's just like a guy from halo look at that so fierce one of the fierce cello player cellists you know what you wanted you know like I know you wanted yo yo mar but instead I just got someone from the hazmat area and told him give me a chill and said just play this back and cool instead I brought a yo yo and a mother so they'll be standing next to each other breathing everybody watch this fierce breathing they were $2,500 each I know you wanted swans but instead I just drew a picture of a swan and put it on the wall here beautiful fierce fierce drawing it's art baby it's art instead I brought Mrs. Swan from a 90s television show called him living color he look like a man at $2,500 so then this is swan was really playing all of those people all right get my sitar wig on get my sitar wig on so then there was like a little bit of drama because the girls decided to have a costume change and then there was this four boob situation with racial drash is like could you just like please not record this for a second I don't want to be the one with a party it's my party I don't want to walk out there with four boobs and you know the cameraman was like you think I want to be filming this right now the cameraman was like my dream is to have fucking Rocky's job that's how sad my life is right now baby she's like I would rather be down by the sitar totally he's like uh I will stop filming this as a matter of fact yes and then they show the camera hiding behind the clothes rack still filming it I mean that is just sad I know so then she comes down with her better dress and then this is the moment that we've been waiting for slight arena we're an old lady tight glitter dress with a black bra showing through I like your dress actually I thought it was I thought it was nice but um the moment we've all been waiting for us and he says ladies we have a very fierce presentation for you this is the moment you've been waiting for I know you've been waiting so long to this so take a seat in the center because this is your dream moment of the woman like is it trained is it trained and what the funny part is this is the first time I've actually actively wanted trained to appear I was like please just let them have trained let them have trained they don't have their husbands husbands let them they got a stupid sitar but everything's going wrong and they've had such a good attitude about it just let them have damn trained even if it's a model train just bring out something pertaining to trains okay anything bring out like the the thomas that that's the train anything anything uh bring the train to something give them something quad city DJs play the chute like come on ride the train or ride it anything they have nothing I love that and what do they get train train train train you know that this isn't CBS right you guys need to aim lower yeah so what do they get some strange spoken word dance dancing behind a scrim with a flash with him in their eyes and you know God bless these birthday girls all they could do is laugh I mean they're like what the fuck and you know what when things are so bizarre you have to project because then it's a story it's for the rest of their lives are like and we had this crazy person come out I love her spoken word I love art like there were quotes there were hormonal quotes okay and well sincerity there were remote of quotes around that but I love art like that where it's like I'm dancing with a flashlight dancing with a flashlight now I've got an angel wing from the party dress uh from the party store ladies you're 40 you're 40 who's already not you you're 40 years old because you're 40 lady 40 and they kept running 500 dollars and brother is so funny 500 dollars change like oh god and brother was so funny they kept on cutting to to Serena smiling like a like a bunny rabbit in a wig just like so taken with everything because she was like this this is by far the fiercest party I've had since the last time I went to a Ted Danson party last week this is more exciting than a Ted Danson party in white face ladies you know that you know that she's totally sparky pelastry right she just goes and does the same thing for every single party she gets the aerialists she gets the spoken word she gets the sitar they're all her fucking weirdo homeless roommates she's like all right that's 2500 dollars and sitar gets three because he didn't do the dishes last week fierce sitar fierce you know what they'll hand it to Serena though they love the food and usually the food is crap at those situations so Serena well these are people who wanted to pigs in a blanket and some sliders I'm sure that their their standards weren't very high that's true that's true ladies I just feel like I've left you down to what with train not arriving but when I told them this was for the children with the cold foundation they just sniffed at it you know no pun and they're like no children with heart disease and she's like whatever it's not AIDS the children with not AIDS foundation only gets the lady with the flashlight all right she's like ladies I'm so sorry we had an issue with the insurance so we could not get you trained but I got you something better ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the stage third eye blind not just third eye they're called third eye it's a lady with the third eye glued to the top of her head who will rhyme nothing 2500 dollars but they ended up getting a check all their friends don't well they have good friends by the way they all their friends flew to freaking Laguna to come to this party and they took it they took it all worth with a grain of salt like the big kind of chunky 60 year old who's like hey we're gonna have any music to dance to up in here I'm like you're not gonna dance like who are you fucking kidding but like they have really fun friends they all flew out there and they all donated money to that they got 85 thousand dollars for kids with heart disease which was awesome but everyone was surprisingly not an asshole I'm already cost like 150 so Bravo Bravo still repaid for some of it the kids with cancer are still on the losing end of this one of our kids with heart disease rather well either way I mean I was impressed that the people were not as much of an at not as big ass as they as they could have been I think the show also doesn't need to be an hour could have been a half an hour um I you know I enjoyed it enough it wasn't wasn't the greatest but it's good enough to get us through until ladies in London starts up yeah or next week yeah I don't need to watch it because you know it's gonna be that thing that is the same every time every single episode they're gonna be like I forgot the cake oh no what are we gonna do but they do have some like really crazy people coming up they've got like a guy with really bad plastic surgery can't wait to see that party because you know it's just gonna be like you know people with their like natural earlobes and he's gonna have a breakdown and then next week they have a fitness model and she's like I'm a fitness model I'm turning part out really a big deal and like what I want for my 40th wedding party is from my like boyfriend um Asmita Marryha like uh that's bigger than train like is everybody gonna ask for something that they're just not gonna get on this so it's like welcome to 40 your heart is broken and you don't get what you want no okay well well I'm gonna wrap up this podcast because I suddenly feel the bathroom very very badly and uh so we wrap it up so everyone thank you for almost 40 I'm almost supposed to have so fabulous isn't being runny I cannot have any excess words at this moment so everyone uh thank you all for listening for reals you can um support us on patreon we really appreciate it patreon.com forward slash watch our crap bins and if you feel like being a mensch one of those jewish words um you can be a premium supporter be a premium supporter if you want to be a mention really support us and then we'll read your name on the podcast and we'll find other cool incentives and of course you know you can do for free facebook.com forward slash watch our crap bins so fun so thank you everyone thank you ronnie and thank you everyone thank you bravo for giving me a wonderful time and we'll talk to everyone we'll talk to everyone next week bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like regi wats tat glass lies a slice finger slicing drab and friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name wasa our very own own benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have 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