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Today's episode of Watch what Crapins was brought to you by Premium subscribers, Claudia Catalina and Kristi Doherty. We love you girls. Now on to the show! Welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about. I'm Bravo. I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV, and as usual, I'm here with the lovely, talented and awful person. Ben Mantleker of the B-side blog and the banter blender podcast. Hello, Ben. What a terrible thing to say, Ronnie. I can't believe you say I'm an awful person. How awful. You're awful, Ben, terrible, terrible. It's significant, I'll say. You guys come to watch what Crapins.com, if you want to find our social media, links, Twitter, and all of that. On Twitter, we are @whatcrapins, and on Facebook, we are at facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins, and that's become a really, well, I guess it always has been a really fun community to come talk crap with other listeners, talk on the live show threads, etc, etc. So go check that out and post whatever you want over there. Also, if you would like to be a subscriber of this podcast, and get bonus episodes, and ringtones, and Google hangouts that are monthly, and last night's was super fun, BTW. Seems fun. Please come over to patreon.com/watchwittcrapins. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-M dot com/watchwittcrapins, and there's different levels that you can subscribe at to get the bonus episodes and all that good stuff. And we've also added a premium, premium, subscriber, feature, and those are the names you hear announced on the show of PBS style. Yes, PBS style of all of the people who are our premium supporters. One day, we're going to make statues and put them out front of our houses, and they're going to say this statue is in the memory of Rosetta, or whoever they are. Whoever, it's Claudia and Kristi. Yeah, you got a bonus mention. We got a bonus mention this week. Claudia is in Kristi. Holler. They are our sugar mamas, and you could be our sugar mama too. And I have to give a big thanks to everyone who tells all their friends about the podcast, and then they in turn support us on Patreon. It really means a lot. We had our hangout last night, aside from it being really fun. We had new people on it, and returning guests. And it was really great how some of them like Chelsea and Mia were saying how they've told their friends about this podcast. And Lisa too, everyone was saying it last night. I don't mean to just cherry pick who said it, but they all tell their friends and in turn, people are supporting us. It really means a lot. And I'll tell you, yesterday, I went to lunch with a college friend of mine. He has been working in the film industry for the past 10 years or so, and he has worked his way up. He's now an executive at a production company that's doing these blockbuster movies, doing really cool adult stuff. And we're catching up, and it's like, "Oh, what do you do?" And I'm like, "Oh, I do impersonations of Ramona Singer on the internet." It's like, "Okay." It's like, "Okay." He's making huge movies, and I'm sitting here making doing these impersonations. But the fact that we are now able to make a living at it makes it cool. So thank you, everyone, who helps keep us as cool as we can possibly be in Los Angeles. Yeah, thank you guys. I love this. I love this life. I know, I love it. I love it. I'm about that life. I was talking last night in our Hangout with everybody about how I miss depression because I'm really not suffering from it at the moment. I've had such bad depression my whole life, and recently I'm just medicated, so I'm not really feeling it. And there's a part of me that really misses it. And I was sitting there last night thinking about that and thinking, "God, I wish I was depressed right now, but I just can't be." I mean, it's really like, we have a really fun life. We get to do fun stuff kind of all day. So thank you for everybody who helps with the it. I wake up and I'm excited for podcast day. Also because I have a ritual, which is that before the podcast, I walk down to Ralph's, I buy myself a think-thin bar and a Starbucks coffee, and I really enjoy that. So I'm like, "Yes, today's the day I get a think-thin bar and it costs Starbucks." Think I'm done. Yeah, once again, it would be pathetic if I weren't making any money at it. But since we are able to make a life out of it, it's cool. But actually, you never know, Bean. I know. And actually on more of a serious note, so Ronnie and I know each other. We've known each other for a long time now, Ronnie. Maybe 10 years at this point. No, maybe years, actually. No, because I started at TV Gasm for season two of Top Chef, and it's about to be, what, 12? And that's only almost a year. Yeah, well, no, there was a period of time when Top Chef was on twice a year. But either way, either way, we've known each other nine or ten years. The reason why Ronnie and I know each other is because my friends and I, Joe, we started this site, TV Gasm, back in 2004. And Ronnie came on as a writer, and then when Joe and I left the site, Ronnie came on and took it over. So we know each other from TV Gasm. And before Ronnie, Joe and I were the main writers of the site, and we had sort of like a first wave of writers that we added. One of whom was Ed Hill, who is super popular with a very, very funny guy. We loved that. We started reading that site because I think I started reading that site with Project Runway, which was Ed Hill. Yeah, no, he's great. And then he and Steve, aka Estubbs, I think that was his online name. They went on SG Dubbs. I was like, that didn't sound right, Estubbs. They went on and they started their own TV recapping site called Midseason Replacements, which was also very funny. Anyway, Ed Hill recently announced, literally, I read this about an hour after I posted the previous episode titled, asking questions looking for cancers. Okay. Oh, God. Yeah. And so then like an hour later, Ed announced on Facebook that he had actually just been diagnosed two weeks ago with stage four esophagal cancer that had metastasized to his liver. So he's getting treatment at Johns Hopkins, top doctors, et cetera. We are very hopeful for him and everything. But I feel like if we learn anything where he's looking for some sort of fundraising or whatever, we will let the world know. But I think that on this podcast, where we talk about fake cancer so much with the exception of Daisy, I think we should. Just wanted to give our thoughts and prayers to Ed Hill. Yes. He's of our tribe. He's of our tribe. Take care of yourself over there at Hill. Yes. You're a pioneer. Yes. So everyone send good vibes to Ed Hill because he has a real cancer, not like bravo cancer. Yeah. I don't just send him sides of queso. Okay. From on delays. Well, you probably could be real. I think he actually would enjoy that too. So Ed, we're thinking about you. I'm thinking about you, Ed. We love you. Yeah. I love you, buddy. Take care of yourself over there. Cancer. I know. We can probably think of no other way to honor Ed Hill than being super snarky about reality. Talk about the cancers on television. The real house lives. Yeah. Yeah. That is so sad. Why does everybody have cancer? Can somebody please medically explain to me why the entire world has cancer now? Is it Monsanto? Are we still going to play Monsanto? Monsanto. It's the food supply because I've never, well, I mean, I guess I've been, I mean, I mean, that was a double I mean. All right. So that that that means I'm very serious about what I'm about to say. Yeah. I guess that I've just never noticed or what, or is it more cancer? It seems like there's more cancer. I'm just going to go with that. Yeah. I don't know. It's it's a beast that cancer, but cancer is someday someone will figure it out, figure out a way. All I've got to say to Ed Hill is no more white bread for you. No white bread. Yeah. Cancer loves white bread. Cancer loves that white bread, Ed Hill. No more. Okay. Unless it's his birthday, then you can get it a cancer cake and you can have some sake, sake into cocktails and some white bread, but then that no one needs drunk cancer. Okay. So the reason I'm talking like Vicky and Ramona's voice is because it's a real housewives of New York or a union part one of 20. I like that. That was a turn in a circle. Yay. No, I was I was going in and out of the microphone. Yeah. It's a show that the Yay was reverberating like a giant bell. Well, I would like to begin this by congratulating Andy Cohen on changing up his high structure because no longer is it. Hi, Bethany. Hi, Heather. Hi, Carol, which is usually how he starts off every reunion. It makes me want to poke my ears out. But this time he did. Hi, Bethany. Wow. People really thought you were a bitch this year. Hi, Heather. Wow, her bra under a jacket. Nice work. Hi, Carol. Welcome back from the grave. I'm like, you added in like a little slight disc or a comment now. Did he even say, did he even say hi to the other women after Bethany? Because as far as I could tell, most of this reunion was an interview with Bethany where other people were allowed to chime in once in a while. Yeah. He was basically like, what do you think, Bethany? Okay, everybody else. What do you think about what Bethany thinks? Yeah. So it's like, Heather, I've never seen you so mad before in Sonya's foyer. Bethany, what did you think about that? Heather, are you going to retire Hala? Bethany, I'd like to hear your response first. Next up, we're going to interview the foyer about what it thinks about Bethany. Hey, foyer, what was it like to have Bethany in there? Was it weird at first, but then did it open up? But by the end of the time, the foyer is like, I finally decided to get warm when I saw Bethany come. They're like, whatever, foyer, you said at lunch, you were going to freeze her out. It's like, you're lying. I never said that. Wait, can I do my impersonation of Christen at the at the reunion? Uh huh. Okay, here it goes. Anyway, that's it. Come on, babe. She did have a moment where she talked about how she doesn't need boop tape and they saved that for the little between the commercials. Yeah. And she did have a moment where she explained that she wasn't, she didn't make a big deal about not being invited to Bethany's birthday. She just merely said, why wasn't I invited? Which, as we all know, is not making a big deal of it at all, right? Listen, that wouldn't be making a big deal out of it, but shooting a scene about being sad about it while you're watching a nanny rap dinner in Saran rap for your husband because you don't want him to know that you didn't make it and then looking sad with your teeth. That is making a big deal out of it. Okay. Well, she may not be included in Bethany's birthday, but at least she's pretty. Put your sad teeth away. Have you noticed that her teeth frown? No, I have never seen teeth that can actually have expressions before, but I swear to you, her teeth frown like three times today, I was like, am I seeing things or her teeth moving? Oh, it's like the series finale of Family Ties when Alex B. Keaton is the giant tooth and being like, I'm moving away, mom. Do you remember that? You know, who never got enough love from that so that, uh, the Boley that backs a Bernie? No, she got plenty of love. Are you kidding? She's still on Lifetime. And that's not her name anymore. How dare you. It is master Meredith. Yeah, she got rid of the Bernie and became a lesbian. Oh, wait. So, wait, who is the who's the bulimic one? Teeny others. Oh, she's got now. Do you know that she is? Yeah. Oh, my God. Goth bulimia. Totally in. Okay. So anyway, back to the real. Oh, you know what? I have to say, thank you to one more person, by the way, because I woke up today and I was like, where am I? Because I did not recognize the pillow I woke up on. And I shouldn't be sleeping on this pillow. But I want to thank Trish because she is one of our listeners and she made me, she has a pillow company called Cottage by Design. Cottage by Design.com. It's bags, pillows, bedding curtains, slipcovers, lampshades, embroidery. Um, and she actually made me a really gorge girl code pillow. Oh, that's awesome. It is so pretty. So thank you so much, Trish. I woke up with that thing and I was like, where am I? I'm, I'm in a place way fancier than mine and Bueller really enjoys sitting on that in my bed and getting dog care all over it. So anyway, thank you. Love gifts. Love them. Isn't that against girl code having Bueller sit on it? Probably not. So, wait, before we get into the, the actual reunion, let's talk about the way people looked. I only have pretty much two observations. One, I thought I actually love Bethany's hair. I love this hairstyle she's doing. So I give you not everybody can pull that off because she, she went shorter, but she didn't do mom haircut. She just sort of made it look really cool. And it actually made her look younger, I thought, than the long hair, which is, you know, she didn't have, she didn't do the typical thing on the reunion, which is where you have like big hair that's blown out and you know, you're, it looks like you're auditioning to be on Game of Crowns. She looked great. And she was also wearing pants, right? She was wearing like pants and like just kind of a nice blouse. She was, she wasn't in a fucking ball gown. Like everybody else. Yeah, I know. I don't remember what she was wearing, because I just kept looking at the hair. I was like, that hair looks so good Bethany. Good for you. And middle age prom. Now, speaking of prom, Luan, you know, Luan is usually a, she's usually on the high, high end of Real Housewives fashion. She usually looks from the best of them. She's got a borrowing card at every like high end designer. Yeah. Well, the dress she wanted, maybe Michelle Obama took it because Luan looked like she was in a costume from KB Toys. I mean, that fabric, it was literally like, like cheap princess costume fabric, right? It looked like a $10 dress. Yes, it looked like it looked like a Walmart costume for like a Disney princess, right? It did. And almost at first, I actually thought it was like, it was like Trapper Keeper material, like, well, you know, whatever goes around those Trapper Keepers. And I was like, no, it's actually just cheap $10 came out. That would be awesome if it was a Trapper Keeper. She's wearing a Trapper Keeper. She can open it up and like file all of her bullshit in there. So she doesn't get so confused during a reunion next time. It's like, do you remember what you said? Because you know, this was on TV, right, stupid. You know that every time she's about to make a big statement here, of the rings opening up, she takes out the piece of paper. Yeah, she's like, uh, I'm just gonna unclick that entire chapter and pretend it was never in this Trapper Keeper. And we're like, we know that trick Luan. Now someone on our hangout last night said that was actually addressed from Luan's own collection, which explains it, you know, yeah, I mean, I guess it makes sense. If you're going to, if you're going to get, you know, clothes from someone who designs, you know, disposable plates and forks and stuff, I guess that's what you're going to get. Yeah, you know what? She needs to show off her Mervin's line somewhere. Open, open, open, open. That entire side of the couch actually was not okay because it was Luan, Sonja, Ramona, and they were all dressed. You know, to me, they look like Miss Piggy outfits. And I'm not calling them fat. I'm just saying like Miss Piggy in the Great Muppet Keeper or whatever. Oh God, I'm just sorry, adjusting in my couch desk and the Great Muppet Keeper or whatever. She always wears these like shiny satin dresses, like ball gowns that are just over the top. And that's what they all look like. But didn't Miss Piggy also wear a leather jacket at one point when she like broke out of jail and was on a motorcycle. Wasn't for some reason, I remember that that part. That is so wrong. Wearing leather when you're a pig. But anyway, well, it'd be more offensive if you were a cow. But well, that's true. But I think that you should be on the side of animals. In general, if you're an animal, right? I think Sonja was wearing the same dress as she's been wearing in her interviews, which, you know, to me, I'm like, well, that's sure if you like your dress wear it, but it's sort of LOL for, you know, it's like a definite faux pas. Yeah, you can't wear the same thing twice. Unless you're selling it, maybe she's selling that too. I mean, they're just all wearing their products at this point. Yeah. Heather's just wearing Spanx. I mean, she was just wearing like one of her Spanx bikini tops under a weird jacket thing. What was Heather doing? I don't know. You cannot sit there. You cannot sit there and act like everybody's mommy when you're wearing a bra under a sports car laser. It was very like early 90s, like Sharon Stone or something like it was it was not right. There was there was a famous actress who wore it out. But like that, I don't remember who it was. But you know, when you make a fucked up face and then somebody slaps you on the back and the face sticks, I think that when she was saying Hala in the 90s, somebody slept her on the back. And that day has just been replaying in her mind over and over because she just can't stop with the 90s crap. It's like, I know, a bra under a blazer, Hala, like it's just never going to go away. She looked like she was about to go off and perform in a video for Labush, you know, it was like definitely like this some house music backup dancer shit. But it is good that we brought that up in the same segment as Trapper Keepers because it's the theme, you know, we need to keep it all together. So yeah, my first note is Andy, hello's good, good work. I love that I'm grading somebody who does not even give a shit about my opinion, but I'm always feel like Andy deserves kind of a grade because he seems to be getting so much better as the years go. And then also so much worse as too many ways. Like the guy still can't make his live announcements up. And next coming up on what happens live, we have the amazing. And then it comes to commercial. Yeah, that's what it always is like. It's always like, Hey guys, we got a it's gonna be an amazing show tonight. You're gonna really wants to grow up. And then he's like, Oh, now we're back. Then you get the new year, like the chimes of like New York City coming back was so good. So anyway, yeah, we give him a lot of shit. But he he seems to be getting so much better at it. But anyway, more of that later. But the first thing we talked about was Heather, when you're going to retire Hala, and she scrunched up, Oh, poor Heather, it feels so bad for her because you know that none of these women on the show are her real friends because someone would explain Botox, like whoever's giving it to her is just doing it wrong, because all she only has the scrunch of a nose right at the bridge, I guess, like right between her eyes is the only thing that'll scrunch. So whenever she does it, she gets like three scrunch lines on her nose bridge, but then the rest of it doesn't move. And it just makes me so uncomfortable. It's like, it looks like her nose is being bent. I actually like her scrunch lines. I feel like the scrunch lines make the expression look warmer oddly enough. Now, if she does get on the bridge of her nose, they're like, and it's not worse. It's not where scrunch lines are supposed to. It's not the wrinkles. You know what I mean? It's just that nothing moves except that. So it looks like you're bending like a flexi arm of a lamp or something, you know, it just doesn't look right. Oh, wherever she gets wherever she gets her Botox, please do not see Ramona's lady because Ramona's lips were so Botox. She almost looked like a goldfish when she talked like she could be. Oh, those are fillers and those are filler. Oh, I thought it was the Botox. Either way, her lips were moving in a very strange fish-like pattern. Ramona's just looking crazier by the way. Ramona looks like a koi fish at this point, basically. Yeah, koi fish is a big blonde hair. I'm just waiting for her brain to start showing. I've been in this pond for 83 years. I'm sorry. It's my pond. I'm sorry. Sonya, can you hairstylist in 10? Give me something to hide the brain that's growing on top of my head. This one time, I was swimming around the pond and someone threw a piece of bread in and I was like, oh good, bread. But then I remember that I was in a low-carb diet and I was like, I can't have this crumb. And then I remembered, I'm just a fish. So I had it anyway. Okay, I'm sorry. So first we opened with Heather. When are you retiring holla? And she gave her weird bridge scrunch smile. She was like, how about today? Right now? How about today? I was like, oh, you're so light-hearted, Heather. She's like, holla is so outy 5000. The thing I love most about Heather is that she's light-hearted. That ended soon, done, done. Exactly. Well, then also Andy asked Luan, he's like, Luan, what are eggs I'll affront says? And she's like, well, she's like, well, you know, eggs I'll affront says, you know, it's just, you just throw it with a little wet and you just always, you're always stirring them. They just keep them soft and maybe you add a little bit of water. And that's eggs I'll affront says. She said that as I was sitting there eating my eggs that I cooked in the exact same preparation. I was like, oh my god, I'm eating eggs I'll affront says. And that's what I eat every single morning. I used to call these scrambled eggs. But no, eggs I'll affront says. I was just thinking, you know, you're just describing scrambled eggs, right, bitch? Yeah, I know. How much are you paying somebody to make you that at home when they're just making a scrambled egg? She's like, you put eggs in a bowl and then you stir them around and then while they're cooking, you stir them and then they come out and they're like little chunks of eggs and you can either eat them with a fork or put them on a tortilla, whatever, you know, however you do it. She's like, have you ever had an egg preziene? You basically take the egg, you crack it, but you don't disrupt it. You drop it right into the frying pan and you just cook it. You saute it in oil for, you know, maybe about six minutes or so and then just slide it on onto the plate. Yeah, bitch, it's called a fried egg. The important thing is that you put the peanut butter on a knife and then you take that knife and you lather gently the peanut butter on bread and then wait, hold on, this is the trick. You put another piece of bread on top of the peanut. So the, um, the peanut butter is in between the two pieces of bread. It's called a PBL Foncée. Derinda's like, what? You're 40. You could have it if you want to. It's called the sandwich. Just do it. No, honestly, don't want if you don't want a PBL Foncée's don't have a PBL Foncée's. Oh, back it up. Back it up. Back it up. What was the thing that Derinda was talking about last week that made no sense? Um, that also was like on par with the sandwich thing. Um, well, last week it was just a bunch of blubber or blubber. Why am I saying that? No, it was, it was, uh, what was she saying? I wish I had kept that note. It was, she was talking about something and we're like, what? What is that? It was, she made some very strange analogy. I don't even know. You can write about it. You can write about it on a Facebook page because I can't remember what it was. But she made a bizarre analogy about something that didn't quite work. But we can, we can stay on this opening for the entire show probably because it was actually gold. Like adding those little statements to the opening really changed everything. Just Andy saying like, hi, um, hi, Luann. You sure sound funny or whatever. And she's like, well, it's because I've been singing a lot, Andy. A lot. And then they cut to Carol, like her eyes are in the back of her head. You know, yeah. And then when he said, hi, Sonia, look at you in the dress that looks like a leftover foil wrapping that you wore during your interviews. And Sony is like, hi, auntie. Oh, I've paid off all of my divorce and even the extra fees that came along with it and even the processing fees and even the two day mail fee that, um, my ex-husband's lawyer charged. And everyone's like, great. She's the end to celebrate. I went out with Princess Di last night. I totally party with Michelle Obama's daughters last night. So I'm feeling great. They don't think I'm a drunk. Um, so yeah, that was like fun and awkward. So anyway, so this opens with, they all started talking about Bethany coming back and what that was like. And then they showed basically how Bethany was terrible at first and blah, blah, blah. And they showed this clip of Ramona going. Bethany, she's like, she's crazy. I don't even know what she's like. I mean, like, I mean, even compared to me, she's crazy. Like, I'm like flat water and she's like a tornado. You're flat water. I've never really, I don't know how to get it. Well, I had to write it down anyway. I so Bethany was talking about her divorce at one point. And then Bethany, she was saying I was been going on for three years and then Sony chimes in because they're like, wow, that's a long time. Sony chimes because I'm 10 years. I'm like, yeah, but you're the one holding on. It hasn't been like, Oh, you've been like trying to negotiate. It's like, he probably wants to be done in 10 days. You're the one who will not sign those papers. Those probably have more just on it than computer number three. Also, isn't her divorce finalized? What does she like, isn't that why they? Is her divorce done? She's not in divorce court, right? She's in I have no idea. Every season, every season she's always announcing that she's finally moving on. And no, she's a very proud former dog owner. She can't even change her dress. Like, how is she going to move on from an ex husband who supported her? Yeah. And obviously, she can't give up the Shaw years, which comes up later. So, you know, that woman's living in the past. And in the past, she had dicks in her mouth and made a lot of money doing it. So you know what I say, good for you, good, good on you. So, um, so they basically, this was a big montage of what a bitch Bethany was at the beginning. But when it was all cut together like that, it was just beautiful to watch the whole, yeah, the whole arc of her season was really fun because throughout it all, lighthearted or dark, she still maintained her hilariously bitchy dude, which I loved. I'm sleeping. I'm going to sleep. I'm asleep. I hear you. What? What are you talking about? Here's a stop sign. Stop sign up. Stop sign is up. Yeah. And then just watching Heather get so mad in those clips, I couldn't even give her a fucking meatball. I don't know how that hasn't become a meme. This, I don't know. Well, it's up. Maybe I know it all. Well, there it is. Maybe I do know it all. There it is. And then she was just telling him, yeah, you know, I know that people kind of hated me at the beginning of the year and they should have. I was, you know, I was being a bitch, but I can't really help it and I have to deal with me every day and trust me, it's worse for me. I was like, yeah, yeah, it was a pretty self aware response. And I was like, you know, I like that too. I was like, yeah, you know, Bethany, you have won your way back into my heart. Yeah. And Carol kind of jumped on, I guess Carol and Bethany have been come close since shooting raptor, whatever. And Carol is jumping already on her defense about the husband and because Andy was giving her shit about the homeless thing, he's like, people got so mad when you called yourself homeless because, you know, there's like actual homeless people and like, you know, they have to ask for money and they have to write clever things on cardboard signs. And you know, they don't even have money for Sharpies. They have to raise the money to buy the Sharpies to write the memes. She said, well, just so happens that I have skinny girl Sharpies available now for 50 cents. It's like, maybe they wouldn't be so homeless if they were if they weren't so pet, you know, it's more of an aspirational tool. Hmm. Just want to be the size of the Sharpie. Yeah, the Sharpies pre skinny girl after skinny girl, you become a Sharpie pan. Yeah. So she's like, I stand by it. You know, I was homeless and people don't understand what it's like. You know, you could be a rich homeless person. I was living out of a trunk, Andy. Like, I would have had to like change in the car right now. I would have had to change in the car. Do you know how hard it is to change the pants in a car? Oh, we'll be, we'll be Bethany. Yeah. So she's stuck with that. And I just love, I just really love the way that Housewives fans get offended over every little thing. Because he did bring up at least her acknowledging Twitter the past couple of years, you know, like these reunions all turn into Twitter wars or what happened on Twitter. And I like that he keeps bringing up what the audience is mad about on Twitter, because it really is hilarious when you scroll through Twitter and people are just like outraged. It's like thousands of tweets of people just outrage that Bethany would, you know, dare to call herself homeless when there's real homeless people in the world. What do you do for the fucking homeless people? You're sitting at home watching Housewives. Shut the fuck up. Get out. Yeah. Yeah. Good points. Good points. Yeah, that's right. That's right. I made it. I said it. I backed you up, Ronnie. Anyway, you made that you made that sandwich and I supported that. Carol jumped on her side and was saying, yeah, you know, because Bethany can't talk about her to force because it's still going on. But she kept hinting about stuff, you know, saying like, this stuff I can't talk about. But yeah, it's horrific. It's horrific, you know, and horrific and awful. And, you know, when people see the fame, they see a shiny thing. And, you know, then they're not famous anymore. And they want to keep the fame. They want to keep the shiny things from the fame. Sorry, Jason. The shiny things are gone. You know, so it's a fight about shiny things. And Carol piped in and said, the shiny things are the other side of my wall. And sorry, my wall is up. I got the shiny things on the side of the wall. Sorry, Berlin wall. They're on the other side of the wall. And someone from Craigslist is going to come pay $3,000 for it in about five seconds. So just give them a hug. But Carol said, yeah, we've become friends and it's hard for her. She can't talk about it. But I can. And, you know, Jason fucking that midget. I was like, Whoa, Carol. No, but Carol is saying, you know, Bethany will try and call Jason six times in a row. And he won't answer the phone is hard because she has a four-year old. And that's hard. Like God, imagine how hard it is for Jason getting six calls in a row for fucking Bethany. I know. I know we're always supposed to choose Bethany side. But you know that that six times was right in a row. It's not like a week has passed. And Jason's like, I refuse to call Bethany back. Yeah, no, I agree. I think that's, that's a phone call. You just don't want to get no matter what, even if you're happily married, it's like, Oh, it's Bethany again. Yeah, that's got to hide Bethany. He was a kind of girl who will be like, I think he put my number in the blocked ID. So I'm just going to change my number. She probably has like 30 Google voice numbers that she calls Jason with so that he'll just pick one up. Well, I can't even imagine how she would like, if you got a call from Bethany, if you answer it, you'd be like, Hello, so what's going on? What's going on? We got pretty going on here. It was pretty going to come to the phone. What are you doing now? What are you in the kitchen right now? You get making yourself a snack. You're in the living room. What's going on here? I don't get it. Like, I need to know these things. But what's happening right now? My wall is up. Wall is up. Now, I don't know anything. Like, what's going on over there? Did she have a juice? Did you have a juice? I want to hear it from her. Did she have a juice? I mean, it's something I don't trust you. It's just thought I don't know you. I mean, I haven't been married to you in a long time. I don't know you. You know, it's like talking to a stranger on the phone. Look, I almost don't know Brad anymore. Put her on the phone. I need to know her. I don't remember what she looks like. I don't know you. Why are you crying? I don't know you. Tell your father. He knows you. Did you take a nap today? Did you take a nap? Did you go to the bathroom? What'd you do for a bathroom or nap? I mean, shoot me right now. I mean, so many things just have to happen right now. I mean, it's like, honest, just kill me. Just put me down on the floor. Just put me down like a big old bear. Just put me down. Just kill me in the forest and just drag me down to a river and just dispose of me. Okay? Too much. Okay? You know what? Just just put around the phone. Okay? No, I'm talking too much. So that was that. I'm looking through my looking through my notes. So Heather, I'm still by the way, I'm still trying to think of what the hell Dorinda said like a week or two ago. It's like killing me that I can't remember the weird thing to one where you're you're talking about when they were at the party or whatever and she's like, well, sometimes she says that she's, you know, sometimes she's like emotional that sometimes she's here that the soul died. Something like that. Didn't you ever record it? I know, I know the thing that I have recorded is her just babbling. That's that's a that's a different thing. I'm just, it was something pertaining to, I don't know, it was like she made some very strange thing where she was describing. I think it was actually the episode where she went to London. She was describing what it was like, like her feelings. She just said something like I'm like a bowl of skittles or something like that. Remember it all? I was like, oh my god, this is going to be our new running bit to go along with the sandwiches, but it never became our bit. And now I never raised the notes. Now it's over. Well, she can never replace it. You better back it up, mister. Back it up. Rip you back it up. Shut down your throat, mister. Yeah. Back it up. Back it up. And the only thing I have to say, no, the only thing I've recorded to her is her saying this. Boy, she does. She's doing better than she does. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. She's still a grace better than she did. She's doing better than she does. Oh, it's killing me. It's killing me. I'm going to think about the entire podcast. What did the say? What did there in the say about herself? It's basically like playing mad libs. You could just put a bunch of blank spaces on one of those paper menus from the Italian restaurant. Just fill shit out. And she's probably said it at some point. Yeah. God bless her little heart. God bless it. I just have to break my head. Heather did that housewife thing where she is just so mad about how people are treating her on Twitter, basically, because that's Twitter is basically everyone's motivations for everything on housewives. Like when you're ever looking into the reason that anybody is doing anything, you know, people will do internet searches or, you know, pay experience or whatever to find out the dirt. Just go on Twitter because it's all the motivations are there. Like we don't even need CSI anymore. They just need to have something where people are solving crimes by reading Twitter statuses because you get a lot of emotions there. But anyway, Heather's all mad because people are hating her on Twitter this season. So she came ready. She came armed with all of this stuff. And she didn't really wait for the appropriate time. Like you're supposed to wait until you're actually fighting with somebody to start yelling at them. But Andy was like, welcome to the reunion. Heather, enjoy the bra under the blazer. And she's like, well, I had lunch with Luan. And Luan made a toast about hating Bethany. So there you go. That's all I have to say about it. Everyone's like, whoa. Yeah. And I don't remember saying that. I didn't say that. But it was a goal Luan lie where she doesn't even pretend that she doesn't remember. She just goes, well, if I said it, I don't remember. You know, she's like, not offended at all. Like, of course, she said it. Yeah. But I actually think she said it as a as a joke or one of the one of the Luan a Luan type of joke. Yeah, I do too, because she's saying, Bethany's coming back. Let's all take her down or whatever. Yeah. I don't know that we already went through that whole fight on the Real Housewives of Melbourne. Yeah. When Gina said there's two new people coming on the show, girls, let's take them down. And then everyone at the reunion was like, Gina said to take Campbell down and Campbell was like, why am I always on top of things? Do you know how you have to rescue me? Take me down. Oh, we'll feel successful. Successful joke that Luan made, I think, is just naughty. You know, I'm going to appreciate it last. Spenest. When it's like, in my defense, I didn't make a toast. I made Panna La France. So anyway, Heather came right out with that and then nobody believed her and nobody even cared. I mean, yeah, no, I mean, she didn't do it. So I mean, well, you know, whatever, what do I care? I wasn't there. I didn't know I had to during that toast. So it didn't count. I didn't know the glasses that were being held up. So what do I care? Maybe the glasses hated me. Maybe people filled their glasses with liquids that hated me. What do I care? I don't know that liquid. Who cares? I don't know. I don't know. Ramona made out like a band at this first hour, by the way, she was so out of the fray. It was actually shocking. I was surprised. Well, they always save that shit from last. You can't just have Neenie leaks, you know, screaming at everybody. I mean, you can't open with that. You know, you have nowhere to go. They're like, Neenie, you just sit there until the end, keep your boobs vacillined up and we'll get to you an hour or nine. Okay. Ramona got the Neenie treatment today, which means it's going to be bad. Yeah. That's true. Guys. Oh, it always is. It always is. So Heather kept on with this stupid, stupid toast thing, even after everybody didn't care. And she's like, well, you know, Luann and Ramona had old axes to grind with you. It's like, talk about old axes. Even in Bethany, even Bethany didn't care. She's like, Oh, okay. Yeah. Bethany's like, if they called me a bitch, it's because I'm a bitch. It's who I am. I'm fine with it. I'm a bitch there. Stitch that on a pillow, Trish. I'm a bitch. The end. I'm a bitch. And guess what? The stop sign is up. Okay. You can't drive passes. You get a ticket. All right. Stop signs up. Stop sign. Red light. She did keep bringing up all her keywords. Her keyword phrases in this. Yeah, she did. She's like, no, I know I had a wall up. Yeah. I know how to wall up. You know, that's what I just I need to have a wall up sometimes. I mean, if you ask me a question about this, you know, every moment with Brin is platinum. Okay. Every moment is Brin is platinum. All right. And it's sort of platinum that like, if you touch it, you're going to get radiation. Okay. You know, it's like a radioactive metal. In fact, it's like mercury. Like don't touch it. You'll die immediately. So the wall is up around me and Brin. Okay. So I just want to talk to Sonya. All right. Wall is up. Stop sign. Stop. No traffic. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. It's like when traffic jam. You know, you know, here's the thing with you. You're trying to get to know me, but then you come into my, you're trying to come into my parking garage, but it's $30 to get in. And you sit there in the entrance and you complain that it costs $30 to get in. You don't just pay it. And so before you know it, there's a whole line of people trying to get into the parking entrance. And you're just sitting there in your SUV and you're complaining about the $30. You know, pay the $30 and the wall goes up. The wall, the wall goes down. The wall that's up. It comes down. You pay the $30. The wall comes down. You drive over it. You, you park and then the wall goes back up. It's simple, but you won't do it. You won't pay the $30. So walls up, walls up, walls up. And you know what? You know, if you want to get to know me, you know what? You got to travel the road to get to know me, all right? And you know what? If there's a stop sign, you got to stop at the stop sign, all right? Because there's stop signs on the road. That's why roads work, all right? If you don't stop, you're gonna have a car accident, all right? And you know what? Get out of the HOV lane, okay? You know, you're one person in the car, all right? Unless you have the fast track, you can't go on the HOV lane, okay? One person, stop at stop signs, all right? Go into the green light, then stop at the next red light. And then there's the yellow light, slow down a little bit, but the red light, then stop, then green, go again, all right? And then you get into me, okay? Then walls up. It's like when you're taking directions on the map quest, you know? You're asking it where to go, and then it tells you where to go. And then you're like, I don't know where to go. Look at the direction list. There's a direction list right there. It says go left, go right, do this. You don't listen to it. And then you wonder why you end up, you know, in the middle of nowhere, not able to park because you didn't bring any cash. You know, that's your fault. So, you know, I'm a bitch, but you're a HOV or a get out of the HOV lane, get out. You know, you know, you know, like I say, Heather, you know, like when you're driving, okay? And you see a sign that says yield, and you're like, do I go? Do I stop? You know what? Stop. Just stop. All right. Just always stop. Every time you do something, just stop. Anytime you see a sign, if you see a sign that's a 30 miles per hour, it should be zero miles per hour because you should be stopped immediately. You know, finally, it's nice not to be homeless anymore. I'm finally being my own apartment, but I have to tell you that apartment has so many walls up. I just, you know, sometimes I just want to talk to you. I'm just waiting for it to know me, and then the roof's gonna fall on my head. So it's like you can't win. You know, I can't wait. You know what? I can't wait to see the sequel to the maze runner this fall. All right. So many walls in that movie, just a movie full of walls, wall after wall after wall. I haven't been this excited since I saw Labyrinth for the first time in 1986. They should have called that movie. I don't know him runner. Because there's walls everywhere and why shouldn't they be? He doesn't know that maze. He doesn't. He doesn't. That's, you know, it's just it's just walking around, watching walls go up and going around them. It's amazing. That's what the year. Yeah. Everybody had a problem with me in the beginning. It's because they didn't watch maze runner, and they don't know how to go around walls, you know, like there's a wall up go around it, you know, behind your finder parking structure that's actually got decent spaces that you'll tell your friends about. You know, you'll give the parking structure a good Yelp review go around the walls. That's it. You know, you should do listen to something floated. Listen to the wall. Best song of all time. Best song of all time. The ownership, that is it the wall comes off or on. And then that changes the whole thing because it's not just to wall up or down anymore. Now it's a wall on, wall off, you know. So the wall could be down and then you're trying to walk through it. But I mean, the wall could be down and you're trying to walk through it, but then boom, the wall's on. And so it's invisible and you just bump into it. It's like, they have those. It's like, hey, you know what? I just saw a very scary movie the other day. It's called Casper, the friendly ghost. You know why it's scary? Because that ghost can walk through walls and I do not approve that. Okay. My wall is up for a reason. I don't need a ghost coming through. Okay. Unless it's the ghost of Bryn and God forbid. Okay. I have to say that Casper walked through my walls and he got me to eat some mac and cheese. So, you know, at the end of the day, I felt better because I ate and Heather's like, I told you that's all I wanted was for you to eat a little something. Damn it. You know, I'm actually very excited to go to the zoo because I hear they have this new exhibit called walls are us. Oh, it's called walruses. Oh, nevermind. I thought I was I thought they had put some walls behind the bars and you could look at the walls in nature, but I guess just walruses. Nevermind. I thought it was a store. I thought it was a store where you can go and get walls, you know, walk around. Love it. So then Andy staying with the, how does Bethany feel about how you feel about how she feels staying with that whole thing? He moved, he stayed on Heather because no one fell for the toast thing. So that was supposed to be this huge fight that turned into nothing. It was, you know, it fizzled, it fizzled more than a bra and a ribblazer. That's about to make a joke about something about that. Like just go back to your, like, just let the bra go back to your CC Peniston video. Shouldn't you be trying on some parachute pants somewhere, Heather, shut the fuck up. So Heather, Andy just stayed on Heather and went right into the, you know, people got mad at Bethany about saying stuff about homeless people, but Heather, you know, you compared her abusive childhood to losing your nanny, which was fucking hilarious. And the ladies kind of led her off on that too. Like no one cared. They're like, ah, she just, she didn't mean it. You know, she's Heather. She doesn't know. And Heather was like, listen, Andy, let me explain to you what it's like. We didn't think we could have a child and then we got pregnant. And then we found in nanny. And then we found out that the child couldn't hear. And then the nanny was there reading instruction manuals on deaf children right next to us. And you know, that's a big deal. That is a big deal. You know, the nanny learned to stop turning up the volume, you know, turning up the volume doesn't help anybody. And she learned that right along with us. And then she left. Do you know what it's like training new nannies? Do you know how hard it is? You get a new nanny in there and they're turning up the volume all the time on the TV. It's like, he is deaf. He can't hear the TV. Stop turning it up. They're like, oh, okay. That's all you had to say, Heather. It's all you had to say. I know fucking Heather. She's like so out of it. And she's just stood by it the whole time. Yeah. This is an employee. It's different. It's an employee. They're like family. I'm like, don't confuse my argument before I even start it, please. Yeah. I know. Meanwhile, and then the other 90s house music comes on and and Heather walks away. Hello. My mamas. She's like doing the running man out of the room. All right. I'll stop. She's like, I'd like to end this argument with the Roger Rabbit. Thank you. Yeah. So that was pretty gross. And then I wrote, it's sorry to feel sorry for Heather talking about her disabled son when she's sitting there in a bra. Like, I'm sorry. I don't know what it is. I cannot feel anything for you when you're wearing a bra under a blazer. I can't do it. Like your eyes may be crying, but your bra under the blazer is just saying, help me. It's like, where's my nanny? So what happened next day? Well, so what happened next? I believe that they started talking about just the way Heather, oh, the weather, Heather and like the birthday with Bethany Keith, Heather told Kristin about it. And that's when Kristin was like, was like, oh, I wasn't upset or anything. I just asked, why was I invited? Which, by the way, is the sort of question you ask when you're upset. But I'll let Kristin have it, because it was her one line of the entire show. And also, Heather did make a much bigger deal, because Kristin was like, oh, that sucks. Oh my god, the maid's almost done with dinner. Should I put it in a Ziploc or should I wrap it in Saran wrap? Will Josh be able to tell that the bowl is cold? Or will the microwave heat the bowl? And will the bowl break if I put it in the mic? Actually, that's more than she said the entire season, isn't it? I'm giving her much credit. Well, what I liked about all this was that there was this whole question about, you know, when Heather found out that Kristin wasn't invited, she allegedly said like, whoa, I just, you know, she said she responded to Bethany in a way that said it was patronizing. And Heather's like, no, I don't talk patronizingly. And then Ramon is like, well, you know, you talk a little bit and then Heather literally goes, all right, Ramona. I'm like, you just spoke patronizing to Ramona. What are you talking? She's like, I don't speak patronizing. Whatever Ramona. Ramona is like, you scolded her. You scolded her. You did. You scolded her. And Heather's like, I did not scold her young lady. And me, but I'm going to spank that young lady. How dare you? Well, the best part is that the way the Heather's spin on the whole situation, why she told to Kristin was she goes, you know, you know, I just want everyone to be out. You know, information is power. Okay, Google. Yeah. And then I love that Sonia, Sonia laughs. She starts laughing to render to Ramona. She's like, information is power. Somebody told her you weren't invited. Great, great moment of empowerment. You're a real Wikipedia over there, Heather. Thank you. Thank you for everything you're doing for our youth. Well, since information is empowerment, let me give Heather some empowerment. You got a loan when to shut up and put on a shirt. To yourself empowered now. I know that Yummy has not stolen the t-shirt yet, but you just still look into it. Now, by the way, I have, I totally have gypsy woman in my head now because I played that one snippet. I think so much of the crystal waters on one of these shows make her the next house. I put her on Atlanta real house of Atlanta featuring crystal waters. Bueller, my dog Bueller is very depressed because I've been in the house so much like I haven't been taking to have any fun. And so he's doing bad things to act out like, you know, eating, you know, ripping up toilet paper, whatever. So today I'm trying to be nice to him. And he's just giving me these dirty looks like I'm petting his butt right now. And he's giving me this look like, you so don't even mean that. You don't even mean it. He's like, you know, you speak very patronizingly. Yeah, he's like, all right, totally scolding me right now with your butt scratch. Yola, I mean, and I love you. I'm obsessed with you. Okay, do you believe it now? Do you believe it? So so then the Heather ridiculousness continued because then they started talking about the trip to Atlantic City and for your gate, wherein Heather got so mad, which is, by the way, continues to be the greatest opening scene of any real house. So I was probably just opening on Heather. I think this even beats the christening. You were the christening when everybody like there was a full on brawl and all of that. And that was Jersey. So you kind of expected like, yeah, but that's still took like 90 seconds before something crazy happened. This one like the show opened up with Heather being like, you're gonna make us wait, bitch, bitch. Yeah, screaming bitch in the foyer. That was amazing. And the cameraman trying to get it from outside because they weren't letting either. So good. So so they're rehashing that. And Sonia has this crazy story about how her sister's best friend died. And therefore, the women had to stay in the unheated cold foyer. That was the size of an elevator. And and and you know, so he was like, well, you know what? You know what? What can I do? You know, I didn't know they were down there. You know, I was on the phone. You know, you know, I had John John on the other line and I had my sister do and I just get downstairs. But but I love how Heather, she's like, I would never, you know, I would never make my friends wait. You know, all my friends are welcome in my home anytime. You know what? If people have a flat tire in the Berkshires, I let them in. And during this, like, thank God, I never would have seen the house that my father bought me when he was repaired telephones. I never knew I never would have known what a house in the bookshears looked like if it didn't have a bright blue walls on it. Sonia is such a liar. And I love it because everybody else is just like, oh, Sonia, there's Sonia lying again. But Heather just can never let anything go. No matter how stupid the fight is. And Bethany was like, oh, God, you're a lot over there today. And Heather's like, Oh, you just wait. I've got a lot more. I'm just getting started. And I was like, wow, well, so far you've thought about nothing. So you've thought about a toast that meant nothing and then a cold for years. So what exactly do you have up your, you know, blazer sleeves, Heather? She was like, she was like, Hey, mama, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. That whole foyer thing. Sonia is such a liar. First of all, of course, she didn't let them in her house. That's why no one was in her house. Second of all, when Heather's like, Oh, we were not just in the foyer. It was cold. We were all cold in the foyer because it's not heated. And Sonia was like, Oh, how dare you? My foyer is heated. She's like, there is a kerosene lantern in there. I have pickle standing there holding two birthday candles. Don't tell me it's not heated. She got wax on her fingers. Do you know how difficult it was for me to type an email that week? Very difficult, very difficult. You know, and pickles worked hard on those birthday candles. She made them out of candles four and five. But also, Sonia seems to forget scenes that she shot like last year when she was doing something where she borrowed a friend's house to have a party because she didn't have a house to have a party. And so she borrowed her friend's house. And she was like, Oh, yeah, it's so nice to be in a house with heat because, you know, I won't turn the hot water on because it costs money in the house. Remember, she wasn't turning on like her heat. Yeah, she had pickles like bringing in bottles of water that she got off craft services and like bathing her with it with a sponge. That is right. Sonia, don't lie. We all know that heat was an on girl. Keeps your paws close though, darling. So, well done. Well done. So, yeah. So, for your drama, limo drama, beeping on the road, or they will turn into alcoholism. Well, I love when they're talking about it in the limo, like, like, you know, that Andy Astorinda, what was this like for you? You know, they're like, you were sort of thrown into this craziness and saying how like they were yelling and then on top of that, they started to drink. And they're just like, Well, I wasn't drinking, you know, morning drinking makes me throw up. Classic Drinda. I reserve my my throwing up in the morning from the night drinking from before. Otherwise, it's just throwing up all day. Who wants that? Nobody wants to throw up. I'm 40 years old. I don't want to throw up sandwich. You know, you sandwich, you said what you do. We throw up at the beginning and throw up at the end. Who wants that to throw up sandwich? I'm old enough to say no to it. Just say that. I used to I used to drink in the morning. And then one day I read balloon came in and I knew never drinking the morning again. The red balloon comes in. I don't want the red balloon to see me throwing up. He's never gonna want to fuck me again. So Bethany, of course, is like, you don't seem to have a problem with the alcohol over there. You drink plenty. She's like, I said the body. I'm gonna fight with me. Like, I'm a drunk, but I'm a night drunk. Okay, where it's okay. No one's robbing a target drunk at night. Yeah, you know, that shit happens in the day. Don't drink in the day. Okay, no one understands it. I've tried it for years. Yeah. By the way, morning drinking is so fun. And you don't you won't throw up if you drink in the morning. So I encourage everyone to do it unless you're an alcoholic. I do love this Derinda sticking up for Bethany's birthday party thing when the question wasn't invited because it really wasn't a big deal. The only one I made it a big deal was Heather. And Kristen was like, I mean, whatever, like Saran wrap and then Derinda's like, I wasn't surprised because why would I be invited? I just thought, you know, I just met you. I don't know you. You don't know me. Why would I be invited to your party? I mean, I don't know you. Like, look at my party. When you came to my party, I mean, if you didn't know me and you were still invited to my party, but you know, you came. I was shocked when you came. I was like, what's she doing here? She doesn't know me, you know? It's like the same thing. I'm like, yeah, it's not the same thing because you invited her to yours, even though you didn't know her. Do you see the difference? Like Derinda's so nice that she'll gloss over everybody's awfulness by saying something nice. And it's like, no, actually, you just pointed out how awful Bethany really was. I like it. I don't know if she's being sneaky, but I like it. Yeah. Well, I love everything Derinda does, to be honest. And I still can't figure out what the hell she said the other day. I cannot let it go killing me. We got the, you know, we got missing to go to Atlantic City, and I'm peeing on the side of the road. You know, who else does that homeless people? That's who. So I'm sorry. Am I too rich to pee on the side of the road? Anybody Twitter about that? You got that on your Twitter's? So then we stop sign. Stop the P sign. Stop the P. So then we move on to Sonya being a drunk. Oh my god. This was so fun because like any drunk, you know that you're, you know that the other person is a drunk when they're just in a live deny spiral, you know, live fresh tonight. What are you talking about? I was in drugs. So I had a couple drinks. So what's a big deal? One drink? I'm drunk. So, you know, I have one drink and then boom, one drink of buzz, two drinks. I'm fucking kindergarten. It's just how it works. I mean, what can I say? What am I supposed to have one drink? I mean, who's gonna want to serve me? No waiter wants to serve someone having one drink. I'm like, that's ridiculous. I don't want to be rude. So yeah, poor deluded Sonya. Well, I mean, the best part about this whole thing about Sonya's drinking was that it eventually segue into her talking about JFK Jr. And oh my god. I'm partying with John Santa Madonna and to rip them. Well, John John's dead. So that's rough. You know, he's that blue balloon over there. John John died waiting for you. All right. John John died. But you know what though? I got a balloon toy. It's a dog. It's John John coming to see you. The craziest thing happened after John John died. I was walking on the street and I walked by a clown and there was a balloon. He was holding a balloon. I thought that's John John. That's John John and Carol's like, you see in that boat that blue balloon? It wasn't partying. Was it because John John didn't party? Well, it was it was a kind of a crazy moment because here Sonya was talking about how she and John John were friends. They used to party and Carol is like, well, I don't like you saying this because she was like my family. I was really close to them. And no one he did not like being called John John. So you obviously were not friends then. And then Sonya was like, no, John John was my friend. It's not a pissing match. It's your you're being crazy. Yeah, but Carol's his family and they were like, yeah, that's family. And she's like, whatever. You know, look, all I'm saying is that I loved partying with John John and Carol's like, but the point is he didn't party. He was only about his family. He didn't like to party or drink or have any fun. He so it's offensive when you say that to people because they remember him just being sober and handsome. And she's like, um, well, you know, look, all I'm saying is that when I was in Saudi Arabia, working as a, you know, hooker that John John, like getting his dick sucked and partying. I mean, that is back when John John knew how to party. I mean, those were the days, right? Carol's like, no, he didn't party. She's like, oh, well, you know, in my memories, I party with John John. And those were great days. Great day. John John sure knew how to party in the eighties. I was like, oh my God, she's never going to stop this bullshit. I'm just going to repeat it over and over. And I like that Carol started that with, well, look, I know that you're a drug. I know that you see pink elephants. But then leave it to Luan to interject when Carol, when Carol was saying, like, no, he's like, he may be, you may have been your friend, but he's my family. And then the one goes, well, I'm glad you're concerned about family, Carol. Oh God, cut fitness, cut fitness alert. Since when do you care about family? You probably immediately slept with John John's wife. Is it just me or is TV gotten really complicated? Thankfully, Philo has changed that for me. One service, all the stuff I need. Philo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss, live on networks like A&E, Paramount, Discovery, and TLC. Classics like The Office, Martin, and Friends that I never get sick of, and all the incredible originals on AMC+ from Mad Men Hello to Orphan Black. And don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and rewatch any time for a whole year. Never miss a minute of shows like The Golden Girls, you know I'm always watching The Golden Girls and Philo has it. Best of all, with Philo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contract, no hassles. Just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Philo.tv and check it out for a free seven day trial. That's P-H-I-L-O.TV to start watching. 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For hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. Which obviously isn't possible because that was a terrible crash. I don't even know what I'm talking about. Okay, here's my main question from all of this. It's not like why does Sonya not realize she's an alcoholic because she probably does not sweat she's like. My question is what kind of Kennedy was John John that he didn't party? Hello? Have you climbed your family tree ever? Have you ever had to do your family tree project? Like I'm married to medicine because every branch is wobbly on that tree. They're all drones. That family knows how to party. Come on. I thought that was one of John John's defining attributes. He was a little bit of a man about town at a certain point in his life. He was hot, right? He was the hot young one who started a magazine. What was the magazine? George. George, I think George. He started like a details kind of magazine. He was really hot. Yeah, it was like a GQ meets like GQ meets some sort of political magazine. Yeah, I'm sure he was just staying home all the time, just worried about family. He's like, I'd love to be partying right now and getting all the pussy in America. But you know, I'd really love to know how my mom's doing while she knits out his mom. You know, speaking of George, I can even talk about this. I'm so stupid. Speaking of George magazine, now might be a really good time to mention something from our sponsor. Next issue. Let's do it. Hold on. I have to switch over to the proper window. Yes, I know, Ronnie, you just sort of served up on a silver platter. I wasn't going to stop and do it right now. But I mean, now's a good time as any to talk about next issue. Because guess what, everyone, your time is precious and you want to feed your mind with the best of what's out there. But who has the time to sit through all the nonsense on the internet? For those of us who want premium content and don't have time to waste finding it, there's next issue. Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. Iconic magazines like People, Vogue, Esquire Time, Ben's looking at men's health details. Ben has become a man looking at that next issue. Ronnie, Ronnie, you're not at the ad lib part of our ad yet. Yes, it is. No, you're supposed to include all of the following points during your read. Oh, well, I thought that was the I thought the ad lib was the last part of our read. Either way, next issue lets you dive deeper into the story with interactive content for a richer reading experience. Yeah, sign up for next issue right now. You'll get immediate access to all of the top magazines, including back issues and exclusive videos and photos. You know what magazines can't do? Move. That's right. You know, I have to say, so Ronnie and I actually were playing around with next issue before the show began. And this, this, I'm not going to lie, this is our first time actually going on next issue because we weren't members before, but now we are. It's actually really cool. I was like, I was sitting there and I was like, Oh my God, they have this. So I subscribed to The New Yorkers, that way I could seem smart. And then I also subscribe to men's health, that way I could try to get into shape. And I think I also subscribe to like GQ so that way I could get fashionable. And I I feel like there was one other magazine and entertainment weekly. So yeah, that's not the manly one, but you did pick up a two manly ones and it's really funny because this way you can dabble, right? You're not getting like the subscription that you're paying for for 30 years where it's like $10 a week or whatever. And then you're like, why did I ever subscribe to men's fitness? It's like another article about pushups like, you cannot reinvent the pushups. I don't care how hard you try. But this way you kind of get to dabble and I have a feeling you're going to download all these manly magazines. And then you know, you're going to end up with like, you know, better home and gardens or with like the day you're going to end up with total mom, mom's zines. Yeah, I know, I probably will. But for right now, I like it. And I plan to read at least two paragraphs from The New Yorker next time I'm on the toilet. Yeah. So this is like, this is like parting with Sony in the 80s. You don't have to just subscribe to one. You can try all the magazines, you know, you know, have sex with every single magazine. And then later on, decide which one you want to let in your foyer or not, you know? Yeah, exactly. So next issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com/crapins. And again, you can try next issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com/crapins. Yes. Nextissue.com/crapins. And you know what? You guys actually do. We love that you guys actually have been buying this because next issue switched. They have some new people working with them and they were like, Oh yeah, we're keeping your account because your people actually engage and they they use next issue, which is awesome. Yeah, thanks guys. I think anyway, a singer did our answer. Yeah. Well, so speaking of engaging, so back to Estonia. Oh, we're going to get engaged to my nephew next. Oh, that's great. Oh, well, no, pregnant. Why don't you just start having sex with her baby right now? Just stick something inside of her. Just go ahead, do it. Stop sign. So what I love though is as as Sonia is talking about, like, all the fun times she had partying with John John and the like, at eventually at one point, Ramona just puts an end to it. She just turns everyone. She's like, listen, you know what? Sonia lived a very colorful life. And if she wants to stay in these delusional phases of her life, just let her just let her. It's okay. And it was funny because like Sonia's right there, but at certain boy Ramona's like, let's just talk that she's not even there because what Sony is not even here anyway. So he's like, thank you. Thank you for letting me stay my delicious. You know what? If she wants to pretend she's on a yacht in San Tropez, just let her. That's just what she wants. Okay. Okay. That's it. I don't want to talk about this anymore. And the next question, you know, if if John John didn't like being called John, John, you know, maybe he told Sonia, you're the only one allowed to call me John John. I mean, who are you to argue? You know, if you're if your kids, which you don't even have kids, but if you did, you know, they had an imaginary friend, what are you going to sit there and fight with the kid about it? No, just give him some colors and have him go color in the corner for an hour because then you won't have to listen to your kid bitch at you for another hour. You know, that's what you do with Sonia. Give us some colors, let it go in the corner and talk to John John. Yeah, you'll be happy you did it. Here, I have three coloring books right here right now, in fact. Okay. So Sonia, you're sent here a coloring book. Okay. Go take them into the corner. All right. And call it them in. Here's some colored pencils. Have some fun. Okay. Actually, these are just pictures of Mario sleeping with somebody from page six. What color am in then? They said colors. What are you waiting for? What are you going to judge my coloring book? Listen, I know these aren't like they were in your time, which was very colorful. Okay. Whoa, this is weird. Okay. This is really taking me back right now. Oh my God. So this reminds me, when I was a little girl, I used to love coloring things in. And one time I found a coloring book and I called it in. I called green and all the trees and brown and all the trunks. And I made a whole nice scene. And I showed to my father. I was like, Dad, look, I made a scene. And then Geraldine Parsons Smith came in and tore it up and said, next time take a picture. Okay. And I said from that point on, I'm never going to touch a coloring book again. Okay. I'm sorry. I don't touch them. They're day class A by Sonya, you can have one. That's what she wants. Okay. By the way, there's someone on Patreon. One of our supporters is named Geraldine Parsons Smith, or they've named themselves that. And I really appreciate that. So funny. So yeah, so then we had a drunk you guys. Okay, she just has one or two drinks. And then they all mentioned they're like, yeah, Carol's on the other side going, yeah, but they're mixed with Tylenol PM plus like five prescriptions. Well, no, that's that's different. Until we define that as alcoholism, she's not a drunk. Okay. Mixing pills with your booze does not make you an alcoholic. It just makes you a mixer. I mean, what do you even call it? Just judge her when we've got a judgment. All right. Until then back off. Back off, back off. So then we had our interstitial thing, where the big news was that Sonya was shiny. And what I love was that like her makeup, her makeup woman or a guy was nowhere to be found. So Sonya's yelled at. She's like, Kaplan, I'm shiny. I'm shiny. Kaplan. Kaplan. And Mona goes in. And Mona's like, my girlfriend's can never be shiny. I'm sorry. They can never be shiny unless they're, unless they're trying to be like sunshine. Because I love sunshine. And you, they put the production people on there going, come on, Ramona, we're going to be here for like 11 at night. She's like, what? My girls can't be shiny. I mean, that's just it. You think she, you think she got so much play from John, because she was shiny? No, she was, she's never been shiny. Girls like, John, John, John, did not like people who padded their face. You're a liar. John, John loved shiny faces. This one time. Okay, this is funny. One time, when I was younger, I went and saw Amadeus. And I thought it was the most beautiful and amazing movie I'd ever seen in my life. And I always knew from that point on, I always had to powder my face to be like everyone in Amadeus. So I'm sorry. I can't have a shiny face. I'm sorry. I just think it's Day Class A. I want to be like Amadeus. Okay. All right. That's all you sell the areas can just go away right now. All right. I'm sorry. Someone bring me my powder wig. So, oh, I forgot to add at the end of this four year fight. I don't, I don't know why I have to write down everything Heather says, but I think she's so ridiculous that I write it down. But at the end of this four year fight, Sony is like, and I can tell you this, it was not cold. And Heather goes, Oh, you're a bitch and you're gross. I wish that she had said it when everybody else wasn't talking. So I could actually sound like that for a ringer because that ship's amazing. But she holds it together this whole, you know, well, for 10 minutes. But usually she kind of holds it together. But this time, she's like, Oh, you're a bitch and you're gross. Nice. That's actually the name of her new house single. You're a bitch and you're gross. Dont, Dont, Dont, Dont, Dont, Dont, Dont, Dont, Dont. You're goes, Heather, you're a bitch and you're gross. Hit it. You're gross. You're gross. You're a bitch. I can't even get a fucking meatball. I'm gonna queue up, um, 90s, early 90s music whenever I can in this podcast. Yes, please, because Heather is quit. So you never know when we're going to get another 90s chicken there. That's a very unique thing. And you know, it's the first time that we've, it's like history making. It's the first time we've ever had someone on housewives who still says hollering is obsessed with the 90s, you know, so you guys it's gonna be a long time. It's gonna be a long time. So you're a bitch and you're gross. Um, then we talked about Sonya's fake lesbianism and how she's like always trying to fuck everybody when she's wasted. I don't, I don't know why I love this part, but I just love Sonya trying to kind of deny it, but then you could see her starting to remember things while she was denying it. And then he's, and he's like, well, are you by? And she's like, well, I mean, I mean, I make out with people sometimes. I guess if I had a drink and then someone said, yeah, do you go downtown to Chinatown? What is that? I guess Bethany. Bethany goes, you ever go to South Florida? She's trying to use a euphemism. And Sonya's like, Oh, you mean eat out another woman's vagina? No, no, I've done that. Way to go. Way to pick up the euphemism game there. Why is it called South Florida? Well, maybe it's just because it's Sonya and that's where people go to retire. It's like when ant flow comes to town, it's just a euphemism. Yeah, but Florida, it's like the oldest state. Like, I actually didn't, I actually didn't, I actually thought Bethany was really asking her. So, listen, if your vagina is not going to South Florida, it should, because it's time to retire it. Okay. Oh, I always go to South Florida. I was one of the yacht with John John and Princess Di and Gandhi. It's amazing. We have a great time all the time and I do my comedy and I do my PR and I teach them things and have a huge Nigerian team comes along. It's great. And you know, we're helping people. And you know, pickles comes with computer three, four and five, just in case there's any issues with the compass, we can use the parts of the computers. So it's great. My cabaret will be playing in South Florida coming up. John John's coming. He's going to MC. Yeah, you know, I'm actually, it's very exciting. I'm actually going into space there. NASA is sending me to Jupiter. No, no, you're just going to Jupiter, Florida. No, no, I'm pretty sure they're sending me to Jupiter to the planet. So I'm excited for the cabaret. Oh, interstellar. I lived in Jupiter, but Reynolds dinner, theater. What? What? Did you really? Oh, yeah. When I was 19, I was an intern for a year. That's how I know that girl who won the Oscar for writing the frozen, uh, let it go song with her husband, Kristen. Um, we were, we were apprentices. We were apprentices together at the Jupiter dinner theater. Okay. It was a maze. I've got lots of Robert Gulay stories. Don't get me started. Lucky bastard. Got him at Debbie Reynolds, Robert Gulay, um, Phyllis Diller. Uh, I met like all of the old, the old school, uh, showbiz people. They would literally show up with trunks. That's all their shit out of trunks. Debbie Reynolds looks kind of like a homeless lady. You would never know who she is. She like rolls her card in with all of her stuff. And then she goes into that dressing room, does the little Home Depot on her face and she comes out like ta-da, spirit fingers. It is kind of funny when you see, uh, celebrities and they are not even trying. I remember I used to be a PA, um, on, uh, on this show called Three Sisters back in 2001 or so. And, um, and Vicki, um, Vicki Lewis was on. I remember Vicki Lewis from News Radio. She was on it. Of course. I saw her in a musical recently. Oh, well, I, uh, so I remember, uh, I was like, bringing something somewhere backstage. And I was like, Oh my God, who is this homeless man? And I was like, Oh wait, that's Nick Nolte walking around in a bathrobe because he used to date Vicki Lewis. Maybe they still do. And he was just like, he was showing up for the season finale to be supportive. And he was like, but I don't give a fuck. And he was wearing a bathrobe and like, I think Bajamas or something. And he had a beard in his hair was crazy. I was like, I literally thought I was a homeless man. So he and Debbie Reynolds should get together and do like, a before now. Yeah, that would be amazing. I also met Sally Kellerman. She played Mame. Oh, that is hot lips. You know, Sally Kellerman, he's hilarious. She was like, she had never done a musical. I don't think. And she's like, um, for this number, you know, it was just me stance. She talks like she really does talk like that. She's like, yeah, for this number, it's me just standing on the stage. So, um, you know, it's kind of awkward. Can I have movement? And he's like, well, no, you know, you just stand there. Trisolo, you're singing your heart out. It's your feelings. And she's like, well, you know, I would be able to really feel more if I could hold a mic. I mean, like, no, you're ma'am. Like you can't just pull out a mic and hold a mic on this. She's like, well, I just don't understand. That's how I feel things, you know, bring me a mic. I just don't understand. Didn't Sally Kellerman run like a one woman Oscar campaign recently or at some point in her life for herself? For herself? Yeah. What was she in? I'm going to look it up. Well, she was Oscar nominated at one point for mass. Wasn't it? Oh, you're talking Sally Kellerman. I was thinking, um, Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking with the movie mass. Oh, the movie mass. You know, I'm thinking. Oh, you're thinking of TV mass. That's her name. No, she's never. Oh, she was in a movie. It was last year. I'm looking at right now on deadline.com. Sally Kellerman. So, she used to, unless I'm thinking she's amazing. She, um, I'm looking up right now. She literally had like a one woman. Where is the Sally Kellerman? Where is she? Where is this? She was fabulous. That was the year that, um, ready to wear came out that Robert Altman film. She was, she was in it. So, she was so excited to be in a movie. But then at the same time, she's like doing maiming Florida at a dinner theater. She was awesome. They were, uh, Rosanne. I'm sorry. I was thinking of Sally Kirkland. I'm very, I'm sorry. She's the Costco version of Sally Kellerman. I shouldn't be talking about all this stuff during the Housewives episode. But one day, I'll tell you, uh, Jupiter stories, but they, uh, Rosanne bought the rights for absolutely fabulous. The British show, my favorite show ever, if you can't tell it's something. And, um, she had bought the rights to do the American version. So, they were having auditions. And I was like, I love that show. You should audition to be Patsy because you, she would be perfect Patsy. She's really tall with that hair, you know, and Patsy's just kind of out of it and drunk. I was like, you'd be perfect. And so I helped her with her audition tape. Oh my God. I love Sally Kellerman. I will never forget you Sally Kellerman. And, and I apologize to all the Keller heads out there for confusing her with Sally Kirkland. Totally different piece. It happens. It happens. Anyway, back to real housewives of New York. Yes. So, um, Sonya Strong. Oh yeah. So what are we Sonya being just like, uh, sometimes lesbian? Yeah. And, uh, yeah. And she, you know, I think that Sonya, I think she likes to, um, I think she likes when people assume things of her. Uh, I think that she's actually more, more of a prude than she let, let's herself, um, then she actually is, but she likes it if people think that she's bi or slutty or whatever. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, because it switches with, I think especially with women, um, and not only women, but especially with women. You know, when you're younger, nobody wants you, no one wants to be thought of as like a loose girl or a slut or a lesbian, you know, those things are all like a lesbian. Oh my God. Everyone thinks I'm a lesbian, you know, but then when you're older, it's like, yes, I'm loose. I get laid all the time and I'm a total lesbian when I, you know, it becomes more of a pride thing. Right. Um, which, you know what, no one ever becomes happier that people think they're gay. Like, it doesn't work the same for a guy. Like, if someone said Mario sucked a dick, that would be it. Like, everybody would, for the rest of his life, they'd be like Mario sucked a dick, you know, like, you never, you never get rid of that. But people love being lesbians later in life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So to bring the putting S to be, what does that mean? Putting Sonya to bed. Oh, putting Sonya to bed. Oh, we haven't met, we didn't mention the fact that apparently Hillary Clinton watches the Real Housewives of New York and loves Derinda. That was a random to bit. Well, you know, Hillary Clinton was the first one who said, look, he's 40. If he wants to make a sandwich, he can make a fucking sandwich. What am I going to say about it? I'm not going to divorce the guy over it. You want to make a, if you want to run for president or run for president, don't want to don't have a sandwich. Don't have a presidential sandwich. How are you going to blame Jod for somebody else's stain on the dress? I mean, come on. He didn't, he didn't spill the busted on that girl. She did it to herself. Look, if you don't know how to keep stains off your dress, that's your old fault. When you're 40, you're going to know how. If you don't want to inhale, don't inhale. Okay, Mr. Jetson. So anyway, Derinda putting Sonya to bed, blah, blah, blah. And Sonya's like, yeah, it's like all those times that I put you to bed. And Derinda's like, you never put me to bed. So yeah. She's like, didn't you tell me that one time? No. Well, one time when you were putting me to bed, I specifically remember you telling me a story about me putting you to bed. She's like, never happened. So do you like to eat my for China? No, so yeah, don't stop it. You better back it up. You better back it up Hillary Clinton Morgan. As long as Hillary doesn't say anything about my daughter will be fine. But the second she does forget it. It'll be west of Benghazi. I'll rip a balls off and shut that throat. Whoa. Talk about guy Hillary Clinton would be a great real housewife. She's like, what email? I've never, what emails? Nope. Never happened. I don't remember. I don't remember. So it couldn't have happened. Listen, I didn't erase the emails. They just were stored on computer number two. And unfortunately, we ran out of parts. Pickles is working on it. She's gonna retrieve the emails as soon as possible. I think they're going with Leslie. Oh God, we liked her. Unfortunately, she just had too much of my foyer and frost death. God bless her. Well, we'll never forget that computer. She should have come with the warning sign. I mean, who knew? Computers can't freeze. The latest, the Liscland rally just sold out. All 10 people were in that foyer standing room only. You know who else makes people stand? Hillary Clinton. And she charges them $1,000 to do it. Okay. So now who? Now who? Now who's the bad guy? Hillary? Okay, you guys tell Hillary that. Oh wait. So Son Gigi. So Durinda putting Sonya the bed party with John John. Oh, I'm going backwards, I guess. He didn't party. He was all about family. Ramona explains what Sonya's glamorous life was like. I'm so I'm so I'm I'm ready to go for Luann and Carol. I'm just waiting for you to catch up. Just like Ramona explaining Sonya's glamorous life. You guys don't understand what it's like to be Sonya. Okay. She would wake up. She would have some guy inside of her that she didn't know. She would take the money out of his wallet on the nightstand and then she would pretend that she was partying with people. I mean, who are we to judge? You know, it's a life. It's called having a job. You know, I can remove that. Okay, so Christian's boobs, Sonya's shiny, my blah blah blah. Chef Adam. Okay, here we are. Chef Adam darling. We're here on text edit, which means we're here in real life. Yes. Oh, wow. So this is the this is the fight we were waiting for. So, guys got to have some kind of fetish because they showed the clip of Carol meeting him in the kitchen and Carol never looks like this. But for whatever reason that day, she looked like one of the ladies on those sexual dysfunction for men ads. You know, where they show like an older lady with a sweater around her neck who's smiling because her husband took a diagram. She just got laid for the first time in 20 years. She was wearing that kind of an outfit. I was like, you look like a prescription that I don't even know, like the side effects because they can't advertise what it's for in the magazines. Okay. Right. Why are you dressed like that? And he's like, yeah, let's do it. I don't know. She looked very readers digest when they met. Yeah, it was definitely like a sea Alice. Let's hold hands in separate bathtub the situation. Yeah, the outfit at least. Yeah. Like, I don't care. And he's like, Hi, would you like me to feed you with a straw? Some kind of kind of such a boner. You know, I think, you know, Luann made so many great strides this season. She was so wonderful. You know, she reached this apex with the be cool, don't be all like uncool. You know, at that moment on the show, when Heather and Carol too were being sort of like really alarmist and hysterical. And Luann was the voice of reason of like, listen guys, it's be chill. It's cool. Like, don't worry. There was a guy, whatever. And now for her on this reunion to becoming guns blazing without like a really coherent argument against, against Carol, was very disappointing to me, because Luann could not decide if she was mad at Carol, because Carol was dating someone that had been dating her niece, or was she mad that Carol was dating someone who was so young, or is she mad that Carol was dating someone who worked for Luann? She kept on changing it at one point. Andy kind of questioned her and she said, well, it's everything. But something has obviously made her bonkers. And I mean, my theory is that she's just jealous because she wants Adam for herself. But this is like her anger is so above and beyond, it's it's crazy to throw away a friendship over and to be so livid. It's one thing you can be annoyed. Yeah, but she didn't like Carol anyway, because of that Michelle Obama dress. I'm telling you. For her not to be able to say that as hilarious, because Carol even said, I think she's I thought maybe she wanted Adam, you know, it's like, no, you didn't cockblock me, you free dress blocked me, bitch. That's worse. Like, there's free cock everywhere. Like Luann doesn't need to get in line for that. They come right up to her and take her into the bathroom, you know, but the free dress from Michelle Obama's designer. Yeah, that's worse. Yeah, those don't just fall off trees. Okay. Exactly. I think that's what it was. I was surprised because Luann has had so much time and apparently someone writing her tweets, which I'm proud of Carol for not bringing that up because I totally thought that was the first thing she was going to say. But Luann has like a ghostwriter for her tweets. It's a Viva and has had the whole year to get her story straight because Luann's been all over the place on the show too. At first, she wasn't mad. Then she was mad because the knee, you know, was awkward because the knees had dated him. Then it was bad because that was the help. Then it was bad because the niece was still dating him, which isn't the case. Like, she just keeps changing her story and she's getting caught and she doesn't even, and this is when you know she's, you know, really lying because she starts doing that same thing she did in the beginning. Like, what? I don't remember. What? Nope. Nope. I never said that. I don't remember that. And Eddie's like, yeah, actually, Andy's calling people on their shit, which is so weird. Yeah, Andy got really nothing's happening, but lately he's been calling them out and he was really not on her side in this one. Yeah, he was actually, Andy was getting into the mix. He was, he was not moderating. He was actually like, he was, he was caught up. He was caught up the way actually a fan would be caught up or someone who also dates younger gentlemen would get caught up. Yeah, I mean, I kind of like that. And you could tell that Luann was getting pissed, but she can't yell at Andy because look what happened last time she pissed him off. It's like, they took away her apple for a year and she had to like pretend to be nice to get back on or whatever. But I don't think Luann ever became cool. I think she's always been the same. And I think she just got caught last year fucking a young person on camera lying about it and cheating on Jacques and all of that stuff. So now she's like, you know, it's like you get caught one time. Then after that, it's not so bad. You know, it's like the first time you get caught doing a guy, you know, it's like horrifying and your family breaks up. But then then you have a great time with the gay pride parade. You know, I think she's come out of the closet. She's like, I'm a slut. And that's great. You know, it's not called sluddiness. It's called girl power. Okay, thank you. Right. Well, that's so that's why it's so weird that she's so angry at Carol, you know, if you know, I thought Luann was really off her off her rocker. And by the way, so first Luann says her first her first attack is that she was so mad because Carol was seeing this guy while her niece was her niece was seeing him. So and then it was clarified while they weren't dating per se that had broken up a year, but they were still hooking up. So I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, well, don't be mad at Carol. Be mad at Adam, you know, like when Luann hooked up with the married guy, she was like, well, whatever, it's on him, you know what? And it's on Adam. It's not on Carol. So exactly. And hooking up with somebody is not the same as dating. Like you can't, if you're just like having casual sex with somebody, you can't get mad when they start dating somebody. You weren't dating that person. Yeah, it's done. So then, so then Luann starts talking about how how he's so much younger, as if suddenly this is an issue for Luann who dated who was married to a guy who was 45 years older than her, you know, so she starts and then so then Carol immediately bust Luann was like, well, what about Eric who you met a boutique? And they show like, you know, flashback of Luann leaving to the quote unquote ladies room with this guy Eric. And then and then Luann's like, I'm not sleeping with him on a regular basis. Yeah, seems like a blowjob in the bathroom is not sleeping. Okay, I'd never get sleep if that's how I slept. You know, sleeping is sleeping. We never slept in the same bed together. So it doesn't count. I mean, giving a blowjob to a guy in the bathroom, like, look, people go in there to empty their penis. I helped him empty his penis. I should be looked at as a helper. You know, instead, you're trying to make me look like a slut. It's like, oh, yeah, shut up. And then she's like, I don't date anyone under 30 period. And then they're like, but what about that guy Eric? And she's like, well, I had a flirt with Eric. Yes. What are you talking about? You had a flirt. Are you from like 1745 now? Like, why are you talking so strangely, Luann? Why are you being like this whole thing about? I don't know if this was in the next segment or not. But I don't know, I guess the rest of the show is all this fight. But what was I just going to say? Oh, God, stupid Luann. I forgot what I was going to say. That is crazy. Okay, sorry. Never mind. Just keep moving. Well, so we're still in the stupid forest. Oh, the house boy fucking the house boy. Is that what we were just talking about? Well, that's well, that's what Eric was the guy boutique, but I was going to talk about the house boy, because then Carol totally shaded Luann and was and said at first, she was a, Carol said at first, she was afraid to approach Adam because she's like, well, that's more of Luann's type anyway. But then I found out that she liked Anthony instead. And then that's one Luann also. Oh, the house, there's Anthony the house boy. I think no, Alistair is the Alistair. Yeah, it was something crazy. No, there was an Anthony too, but there was Anthony as someone else. And then, and then it turns out that like Luann also went after this guy, Alistair whoops, drop my phone. Oh, and then Sonia was like, who here hasn't had sex with Alistair? And then they're like, and then they're like, Sonia, did you do anything with Alistair? She's like, well, and Luann's stupid argument. She's like, well, I don't sleep with children. Okay. And she's like, well, he slept with the 25. No, she's like, Eric was not 25. Okay, he's at least 30, which her argument before was what's the difference between 28 and 25. And now she's like, well, that's a huge difference five years. Yeah. And also, he's not, you know, maybe he's 30 or whatever, but I didn't sleep with him. Well, you had sex with him. Well, it was just a one night stand. Oh, okay. Okay, so that's okay. But then what about the guy that you fucked at the Turks and Caicos, who was like 12, and was an employee, like both of those things. He was young and an employee. And Luann's like, ah, how dare you? I never did anything like that. I mean, I skinny dip, big deal. I mean, who cares? We all sk, every day of skinny dipped with Alistair. I mean, big deal. And Carol's like, yeah, well, he's 20. She's like, well, who cares? You know, yeah, meanwhile, I mean, you could tell Luann was A, losing B, being such a hypocrite and C, so wrong, because she started basically doing like, she suddenly was in like an old courtroom from 1920s in, in deep Georgia, because she's like fanning herself. She's like, well, I swear, I'll never had sex with that. And I saw a man ever in Chuck's and Caicos. And then I went out mabbing it. Yeah. And then Luann starts, she actually starts to just make no sense. Because then she starts saying another read, like, she now gets offended at Carol again. She's like, and talks about Adam and says, he's my chef, and he works for me. And he was going out with my niece. And you think he's my type? Like, what is the problem here? It's like, I love how he's my chef is one of the main issues. Like, who cares if Carol's dating her chef? At one point, she came close to saying the help. She almost said, she said something like, like, he's the, and then she goes, my chef, you know, literally talk nonsense. She's like, he's that, he's that movie featuring the shit pie. All right, that's it. Basically, you fucked a movie featuring a shit pie. I hope you're proud of yourself. Yeah. And then, and then Luann's, and then, you know, they started talking about their friendship and Luann's like, well, I mean, we never were friends. We were in friends. I was like, what? Oh, yeah, I love that. Wait, you know what? I'm so sorry to do this, but I've got to pee. I'll be right back. Okay. Oh, my God. I can't hold it. Okay, sorry about that. I had to pee so bad. I think I have a reserve tank of pee waiting behind that tank that will have to be let out later. So glad I just shared that. So where were we on here? I don't remember what we were just talking about when just Luann being a bitch. My favorite part of this entire fight was when Carol's like, look, I even said on the show, I was being genuine. I said, you know, I really like Luann and she's a good friend, but, you know, the countess. And she goes. Oh, you just threw the countess under the bus. Oh, what are you saying? The countess is a bitch, but Luann's not. Yes, Luann. That's what she's saying. Luann is nice, but the countess is a bitch. And Luann's like, Oh, great. Well, now you've thrown me under the bus and the countess. Well, I hope she doesn't have any children in her family because you'll probably just sleep with them. Well, I love that at a certain point, Carol just decided to just dismiss Luann. Carol's like, whatever. She can start to do that motion with her hand. I'm like, get out of here. You're crazy. Because at one point, Luann just was going nuts. She goes, you don't go into a woman's house and pick up people who work in her home. And Carol just goes, what'd you just stop saying that? Just be quiet already. Just get out of here, you crazy old bat. Get out of here. And this ended with this ended with Luann saying like, I don't sleep with children. And besides, what happens in the Turks and Caicos stays in the Turks and Caicos? Oh, really? I'd love to hear that argument again next week when you bring up the Turks and Caicos and how people were barging in into your room. Like anything I do in the Turks and Caicos stays there. Anything you bitches do is up for discussion. Now you can buy this shiny Miss Piggy dress at Mervance. The end. That's all I have to say. Seriously. I just want to say, by the way, off topic that I was doing some some gruel searches for the Real Housewives of New York City. And I found this headline from a public an online publication called Daily Sabah, which is I guess like a Turkish periodical. And the headline says, Turkish fortune teller gains widespread fame in US. Oh, God, because of her cameo. Yes. Astoria has never seen such foot traffic. Oh, my God. So funny. I was someone posted on our Facebook page about the psychic, the psychic masseuse whore, whatever, from the last podcast from the Real Housewives of Orange County podcast. They posted his Facebook page, which is hilarious. Scott Cruz, psychic medium. This was posted by Meghan Taylor. So thanks, Megan, because this has just been a joy. I've been it been on it this morning. And it is just hilarious. The his main picture is a tunnel. It's like, it's through a toilet paper or a paper towel roll, you know, the cardboard center. It's looking through that like a tunnel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I guess is what he's saying. But it's so funny that A, it's obviously a paper towel roll. I mean, I guess he's being artistic. But B, it works also for grinder. Really? I'm gonna look at this picture. It's so funny. And just him, he's looking all sexy in his picture. It's like a grinder pro. It could be either. So it doesn't surprise me that he was, you know, on some massage website or whatever. He already knows if he's going to be hooking up with you. He's like, I'm sorry, I blocked you when I got this. I just, I just knew that you had something. But I like his own quote. Well, we should actually look this over and just read it during the Orange County podcast because it is so good. He, his inspirational quotes are from himself. This guy's a peach. Where is this? I saw this link before, no, I can't find the doll. Where's it's on the comments to the last podcast on. Oh, it's the last comment on the podcast thread on Facebook. Okay, here it is. Oh, you know, it was because it was, yeah, hold on. So I think I unliked it back and I'm sorry. It is so good. I'm gonna look at this. Well, of course, it's not loading on my phone. Maybe my phone has the right idea. Oh, sorry. Have we really been talking for an hour and a half about the same fucking show? We're ridiculous. Well, that's what this podcast is all about. The fewer shows we have to cover. The longer it goes. Yeah, I guess should be bad. I love talking the whole time and just getting to talk about every little detail of it. I know. So should we move on to flipping out? Yeah, I mean, I don't really have a whole lot to say about flipping out. I think it's a cute show and stuff. I just like, I don't, I don't care. They all seem like normal and I mean, I wouldn't call Jeff level-headed, but Mikey seems like an intelligent. They all seem way too intelligent to be on television, basically. So I have no interest. I really enjoy the season finale. It's, you know, it's what I like about it is that they are all small people. I know you think that Jenny isn't that smart, but I think that they actually are all bright people who are like more like real people than crazy reality stars. And I thought, I mean, not that I like, but I thought the fight between Gage and Zoila, like, it's not that I enjoyed that or whatever. But first of all, Gage is such a passive, aggressive person and he's so condescending to everyone. So I understand her frustration, but I thought the scene when Jeff made up with Zoila, not made up but told Zoila that how much he loved her and how much like she, how important she is to him. I thought that was like a really moving scene. And I was like, oh, this is sweet. I'm so glad that's how it ended, because I didn't get to see the ending because I woke up late. Sorry. But I was watching, I ended it the part where Jeff had just had the teary conversation with Zoila. And that was so, and I was like, I'm crying during a. I know I was getting moved. I was getting choked up. I was like, it was, you know what? It was a real moment, but it was a real relationship, real emotions, real sentiment, and very relatable. And there's actually something very kind of beautiful about their relationship. But here's this woman who has been with him since he's 28 and knows, knows how to take care of him, views him literally as her son. I don't watch flipping out enough to know where her daughter is. I think I'm ever seeing an episode where maybe she was on it, but I don't know where her daughter is or rest of her family. But I find that actually to be a very special relationship to see on TV. And very interesting too. So I liked that. I like having their teary moment. What you missed was Jenny shooting the music video for her kitty rap song, Pooh and the Potty. Pooh, pooh, pooh, in the potty. It was awful. I've already written that song. It's called, I go poopy in the potty. Yeah, yeah. I go poopy in the potty. Yeah, yeah. I go poo poo in the potty. Yeah, yeah. And then a flesh. I've written that Jenny. So back the fuck off. You're lucky. I didn't understand copyright law back then, because I would sue your ass. And I'm sure you've heard me sing that song to my nieces. So good luck. As ridiculous as Jenny's kitty rap album is, I actually do, I respect it in an odd way. Unlike these other, you know, reality show entrepreneurs who are making, you know, toaster ovens and just trying to capitalize in any way off the reality. How dare you bring up the toaster oven? I know. What's supposed to say, international brand specialist inventor, friend of John John, how dare you. So, but like, you know, she, she really wants to do it. And when she talks about it, you can see she was really passionate about it. And she loves rapping oddly enough. And she likes doing things for kids. And she even says on the show, one thing you missed, she says, like, you know, to anyone who likes doing something that's silly, you know, guess what, I'm still rapping. I'm like, you know, good for you. Yeah, I think you're doing something absolutely ridiculous, but you love it. So I support you. Yeah, hey, look, who, who are we to judge that? We've both been doing ridiculous things our entire adult life. Yeah, by the way, we have breaking news. Breaking exciting news by Rob Pham 715 on Twitter. He has informed me on what Durinda's metaphor was. And so for all of you who've been listening to this and are like, Ben, this is what it is. This is what it is for two hours. I know people's been going crazy in their car. Sweet release. Durinda's metaphor was about life being colored with different crayons. And that's what it was. That's what it was. Thank you, Rob. You have saved me. Oh my God. I was dying. I was dying. Life is like a coloring box. You pick a color, you color on the bed. You have a boob. You got a barcode. You like, how does this come out, right? Am I right? See, I knew something to do. She was talking about that in London when she was talking about Richard, right? She was saying, like, you'd ask that sometimes you draw with this crayon. And sometimes you're a purple crayon. Sometimes you're orange. And sometimes you're turquoise. Sometimes you try to draw on the red balloon and you pop it, Mr. Judson. And you have a mess you've made. Richard is double dead. Double dead. I'm gonna draw his tombstone in the gray crayon. This is gonna be like that. This is gonna be a new cray-out color called double dead. Super black, super black. I wish there was a crayon to describe the light in London. It's different, you know? During that, we're not making fun of making fun of dead Richard. Look, love your metaphor. Today is so far. I've made a comment about John John's mother, who was dead. And I also made a comment about John John's wife, who was also dead. Like, I'm idiotic. And if people are gonna be offended today, they have all of that. So don't even worry. You can say whatever you want. Yeah. Well, no, I feel bad in general. Like, if people, here's one thing, one thing I don't like making fun of is like, uh, she or she is this woman who has lost her husband and is sharing her feelings about it. And being like, you know, I'm not like that. But, um, if we're making a joke about, um, popping fun of Richard, we're making fun of the red balloon. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and if you guys... I just want to clarify. I just want to draw a line. I just want to draw a line with my crayon and show people that I don't want to go over that line. And if I did, I'm sorry. Sorry. Sometimes it's hard to draw a straight line with the crayon. You know, sometimes you need a ruler. And Heather's like, thank you. That's all I've been trying to say. Okay. Sonya, Sonya, you know what you do? Go over there in the corner and take Jirena's crayons and color in your coloring book. Okay. Okay. Anybody feels, you know, in your own life right now, if you're feeling down or sad or like life sucks. Are you seeing bridge over trouble to waters? Okay. Go on. Yes. Thank you for ruining it. I was even going to do the original version. Oh, I didn't realize you were actually doing it as a joke. I thought you were coincidentally doing those lyrics. I'm sorry. No, I was just going to say if you're, you know, in real life, if you're in a rough place, and you're, you're just feeling depressed and sad, please go to the Scott Cruz psychic and look through the paper towel hole. There is a light at the end of the paper towel tunnel. Okay. Yeah. Just remember that. Like a spill on a laminus floor. I'm at a house to clean you up. How you better back it up. You better back that up back up. That's how that back up this crayon box coming in with a sharpener attached. You better back it up. Act it up, mister. He's funny. If he wants to have a paper towel roll as his Facebook picture to advertise his psychic abilities and his quan hole at the same time. Who am I to judge? Hey, you know what? You know what? Stop back in the truck. Okay. There's a stop sign right here. Okay. It says stop. No more backing up. All right. Just stop. Just stop. There's a wall. You're gonna hit the wall. All right. Don't hit the wall with your truck. Okay. Don't back it up. Derundance my wall. Okay. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry I backed it to your wall. You got licensed. Oh, we were going to recap an episode of Secrets and Wives Today. And we totes forgot. We'll have to do it next time. But this we're gonna do the lost footage. We'll do it. We'll do it. The reunion was so good. Yeah. It took up our whole episode. This is this is the most analysis of a reunion we've ever done. Hey, didn't, uh, when does below deck start? Didn't that start? It starts next week. Oh, okay. Thank God. We didn't miss anything. So what do you guys don't doubt us? Don't doubt us. Do not. All right. So I guess that is it. So you guys, please go over to next issue.com/crapins to check out next issue and get your magazines on your iPad, your iPhone, or your, your, whatever your tablet is. All right. I'm not going to judge your tablets. I'm not here to judge your tablets. Unless they're new and young and belong to my niece. Otherwise keep your penis out of them. Otherwise go to next issue.com/crapins. They do great stuff and Ben's gonna have a whole new set of pecs next week because of it. Yeah, I certainly am. Also, you know, you can tell I've been in Texas because I'm laughing like my MIMA. She does this. Like she does that one little, I noticed I've been doing that. Thanks, MIMA. Get out of my ed woman. So anyway, come to facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins to talk to the crappins listeners and to talk about the shows as they air. That's real fun to do. Also follow us on twitter @whatcrapins. Please feel free to tweet stuff at us there even though we're not on it that much. We read it. I still get the notifications, y'all. Oh, come to patreon.com/watchwhatcrapins to become a premium subscriber. Yeah, because that's still going on. And also, if you just want to be a reg subscriber and get the bonus episodes, et cetera, et cetera, bitch. And I think that is all for today. You know, we'd love you very much everybody. Yeah, exactly. We do. We do. We do. We love you like every single crayon in the box. We love you. Thank you for giving us a fun life to live. And I suppose that's all. Bye. Bye everybody. Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. The best part, next issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com/crapins. Again, you can try the next issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com/crapins. Get over there and read some people, y'all. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new YouTube channel called WaitForIt. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. To the insurance company that's spurned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting Geico. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tiers you were sure to impose. 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