Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know? That's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the year's best waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. Etsy knows these aren't the sounds of holiday gifting. Oh. Or, okay. Thank you. Well, they're not the sounds you're hoping for. You want squeals of delight like this. Ooh. And spontaneously written songs of joy. I am so happy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. To get those, make everyone on your list feel heard with gifts like personalized jewelry, custom artwork, vintage pieces and home decor. For original gifts that say I get you, Etsy has it. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares? What happens when there's so much that crap is? Crapins. Crapins. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Watch what crap is. Who cares? What happens when there's so much that crap is. [Music] Hey everyone. Welcome to Watch what Crap is. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo. We just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast. And joining me, as usual, is the lovely and wonderful and funny man of a thousand voices. Ronnie Carom from trashtalktv.com. Hello. A thousand voices that all sound like me. He just did three right then. Hi Ben to Moonius. Hi. How's it going, Ronnie? Um, really, really good. I'm having so much fun. I figured out how to use my computer on my chair. So I'm like, chilling with the TV tray. I'm looking at couch desks right now so it can actually come closer to me, darling. I'm loving life. I love it. I love it. I'm also doing well. I went down to Starbucks before we started recording and I got myself one of the new Starbucks cold brews. And what I learned as we started to talk about the end of the bonus episode this week, what I learned is that the cold brews at Starbucks have twice as much caffeine. So that means I'll be twice as slurry and chatty. Yeah, do it. I'm on my second and I did not get a cold brew, but now that I know about it, I will be getting cold brew. Yeah. So anyway, everyone, thanks for coming to the podcast. If this is your first time coming along, then you will pimp out our stuff to you, which is that if you want to follow us on social media, we're at watchworkcrapins.com and it's a link to all our Twitter pages and Instagram and Periscope and all that super fun stuff. Chief among them, though, is facebook.com/watchworkcrapins, which continues to be out of control and hilarious. People are posting funny ass shit on there. We are over 4,500 likes, which is amazing. I'm so appreciative of everyone who comes on board there. It's really great. A lot of fun content and it sort of elongates the watchwork crap and experience in between episodes in a certain way. It sure does. I check it all the time. Me too. I said it is a great toilet read. If nothing else, it's a great thing to check out when you're on the toilet because, I mean, what would be what would crappins be without the crap, right? Exotful. Yeah. Anyway, to those of you who are still listening, you can also support us on patreon.com patreon.com/watchworkcrapins. If you support us there, you get access to bonus episode, which we just recorded. We just talked for about 45 minutes about Big Brother. We talked about all the characters and the storylines, et cetera. So if you are a Big Brother fan, I highly recommend listening to that. We also have Google Hangouts once a month and ringtones and all sorts of other fun stuff. And that's pretty much everything. Everything. And we have no commercials. Oh, but we do have to say that this podcast is brought to you in part by Claudia Catalina and Chrissy Daugherty, who they are our two premium subscribers on Patreon. So they get a very big shout out. We have to thank them especially. Thank you so much, Claudia and Chrissy. Yeah, thank you guys. I'm sorry. I didn't do the nice thing that Ronnie made on last week's episode with a big audience. Oh, make a little announcement. Yeah. Sometimes it's just easier to get it all done that way because I forget so much stuff when we're just talking when we're doing this actual show. I just love to not think. Isn't that plainly obvious? Isn't that what Bravo is all about? Just forget your brain at the door. Yeah, I'll get your brain at the door and just coast down. It's never got anybody anything. By the way, you know, it was really funny. This is tangently involved related to everything. But remember when Casper Mattress advertised on our podcast like two months ago? Yeah. So I was bored. So to my friends and I, we went to the Casper Mattress room in LA and it was so comfortable. It was amazing. Maybe they'll come back. Come on back, Casper Mattress. We miss you, darling. You're like a ghost. Oh, darling, come back. You're like a beautiful young man, Casper. Like someone that JLo would date on and off for two or three years. Yeah, Casper is the new ghost in Vicky's Wall. It's like, Mom, are you sleeping comfortably on your Casper? I just remembered. I just remember mom's gone. Mom's gone. Mom's gone. No one's in our Casper Mattress. What do you mean there's possums in the walls? Oh my god, my mom's in there. Get around. Get around. Hey, mom, come out of your hut in Tahiti. Oh, I forgot mom notification. Oh my god, I forgot mom's died. Oh, it's just a Casper Mattress. It's not mom. Anyway, so let's talk about our two. We have two shows to discuss. Oh, no, but there's some gossip first. We got to let me finish my the way I'm going to set up because say we're going to have two shows. But, okay, size. No, but oh, no, you finish. Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm just kidding. Start eating and rough. And I'm loving my second caffeine of the day. I still feel tired, but also my heart's racing and I'm super energetic at the same time. Isn't that weird? Yeah, that's like, even on like cocaine, I'm still tired. So anyway, not that I do that, darling, I'd be so fit if I did. Come on, cocaine. Come back to me, darling. Anyway, um, Cam Richards, come on, really. Cam Cam, Cam, Cam, Cam. There is being a mess. Okay, there's being like a mess that a Swiffer can clean up. Okay. And there's being a mess that like a vacuum can clean up. And then there's being the kind of mess that you have to replace the wood flooring. Cam Richards, you're licking through the board, strumming. She's going to need like an official crime team. Like one of those people, you know, the, the, the, the hazmat hazmat, they, they need to come in in their big heaper outfits and just do a deep cleanse on, on all the moldy shit that Cam Richards is leaving around. Oh, she is a mess. Cam Richards stay out of the hazmat recycle bin, Kim. She says, hey, it's mad I never tried that. There's a whole bag on it. All right, warm it up, Ken. So, tell, tell, tell the people, uh, the latest stop on the Cam Richards disaster tour. Well, I will be telling you this based on headlines because I couldn't even, I was like really Kim again. And of course people are just posting it and tweeting it at us like crazy. So it's like, it's just Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim. And I feel like I've read 10 articles because of all the headlines I've read. So I've, I've read it phrased a million different ways, but basically Cam Richards went up into a target by her house. If you're going to steal it, you better fucking go to a different neighborhood. Why, why can't you go to the target on the Braille? And I got to go to the one right down the street. Yeah, I've been to that target in Van Nuys and she had no right to burgle it, but go on. Burgled a target. She burgled a target. She burgled basically what she did. She, and she was stealing like tons of stuff. It wasn't like Jack. What was it? What did she steal? I don't even have a list, but I would imagine it was like a wooden spoon, you know, to like hit the maid with if she, yeah, tried to tell her to stir it. Some up and up hand, the chicken salad without her hands. Some, some up and up hand moisturizer. And I shoebox greeting with Francine. Is that her name? Francine on the front saying like, "You didn't steal my heart open. You stole my house." Probably some over the, over the door, like hangers, you know, so she could put some, put up some, put up some dish towels on her cabinets. That bitch is so stupid. You know she was trying to steal like one of those foam mattress toppers in a gigantic box. She's like, "Hey, you got cast for mattresses here?" She was probably like, "Hey, can somebody help me to macare with this?" You're like, "Uh, you're stealing." She, um, she probably just was like trying to steal the target dog. She's like, "Kang's the needs of friends. I'm gonna steal Bullseye the dog." She was probably trying to take the Bullseye off the front of the target. "I'll give Kyle something else to aim at and put this outside in my house." Kimberly needs this in her dorm room, but there's Bullseye there. I want to put some Bullseye on my rental roof so that when Kyle and Marie threw her flying overhead, they can easily target which has to steal next. Monty loves, you know, our trace. I thought, you know, this way he'll feel like he's on the range. I saw one of those pillboxes for Monty that has letters printed on it. Yes, it's for so good. M is for mine. T is for T for two, T for T, drugs for E, drugs for E. W is, we'll do this one together. Just for think about it, you don't need that pill. Give it to me, Monty! And F is for Monty. Fuck you. Unless you give me one of your pills. Okay, rent's paid. Come on back in. I don't like, I don't know. I got arrested. I mean, I brought my own tote bag and it's not what you're supposed to do. Okay, trying to act like I asked for a plastic bag or something. I didn't want to pay the 10 cents for the paper bag, so they arrested me. Oh, good. She's such a mess. Okay, so she was, okay, so it says here, the Real House was a Beverly Hills star was arrested on Sunday for shoplifting and was subsequently released on $5,000 bail. Okay, and then she spent the night, she spent the night, by the way, in the Van Nuys police station. So this is truly the decline of Kim Richards because back like two months ago, when she got arrested, she at least got arrested in Beverly Hills for being a mess at the Polo Polo Lounge. Now she's just in Van Nuys skilling from a Target. I mean, what's next? Like, is she just going to be like, Jay Walking in Chatsworth? It's just going to get worse from here. The next headline says, Kim Richards, this is from TMZ, Kim Richards, homeless, living out of car at time of arrest. Oh my God, why is she living out of her car and where's Monty? I'll still, well they keep on the article that I read from like, I think it was from Entertainment Tonight. Monty defended Kim by saying, this is totally out of her character. It's got to be a misunderstanding and this has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol. It's a total misunderstanding. You know, it's so funny, they paint Monty as this guy who's like dying in his chair, breathing his last, you know, gasps of air, and yet anytime something happens with Kim, he's like out there giving statements, like talking to the press, like, what is happening? What is going on with this guy and why she keeps blaming it on everything on Monty, like the stress of Monty? Yeah, Monty's a party animal. Hey, if you look at his Twitter, he might have erased a lot of it, but when all that was going down, people were posting links to her Twitter or his Twitter or Facebook or whatever and it's like posing with porn stars and he's always at like some party or whatever. So yeah, I mean, I imagine he's probably doing stuff with her. I mean, here's the thing, like, all of us are going to get cancer. Okay, the way the world is going, and I'm not even laughing because it's funny because I've lost so many family members to it at this point. I just know it's coming. Like, I don't know what kind of ear cancer knows cancer. You got all kinds of cancer. Most of us are going to get it. We're drinking it out of the fountains where I mean, I don't even know where it is coming from every place. Okay, we're all going to get it. Getting cancer does not automatically make you a good person. It makes you a person who's going through a lot of stuff, but it's not like it just suddenly makes you a good person. Like cancer kills cells. It doesn't like help your personality. You know what I mean? Right. So he's not going to just be a saint, but people are like, oh, you can't talk about Monty being a drug abuser because he has cancer. Oh, come on now. I'm sorry. I zoned out. You know why? Because I just won't shut up. No, I had nothing to do with you. I was just sent a link where apparently Lenny Kravitz was performing in concert last night and he like crouched down and his pants split open the crotch and he was not wearing underwear and is a full on picture of Lenny Kravitz with his dick out. Oh, obviously. What does it look like? Well, it looks like there's a cockering and you know what? I mean, it's not. I mean, of course, there's a cockering. It looks fine, I guess. You have a helicopter and get that ring it looks mid-sized. You know, it's either way, it's still a dream come true. So I understand him, but I had to zone out when you're talking on your cancer van because very urgent Lenny Kravitz penis photo news. I have to look that up. What should I look at Lenny Kravitz dick? Lenny Kravitz. Yeah, penis. That's a good one. Lenny Kravitz. And apparently there's video of it also on YouTube, but I wasn't going to play that because I do have I am I am being a professional somewhat. Well, you know what? You have to hand it over to Lenny. He is getting himself into the news. I mean, that's that's good. He doesn't care. He's so hot. Like so cute. He's still really hot. He will always be hot. So he doesn't. Whatever he he showed his butt on a music video once. He doesn't care. Oh, there was like a picture of him showing his penis on purpose, I think, or this is somebody else and it's just under the Lenny Kravitz Kravitz image search. I don't know, but he's hot. Yeah. Anyway, so we're talking about cancer and Monty and Kim Richards. And dick and let me grab a stick. No, it's just another day. Just another day. It's just yeah, those could be the new lyrics to just another day in paradise. I feel calm. Yeah, I I feel bad for Kim at this point. Yeah, because that inner I mean, I guess I've always kind of felt bad for her, but that entertainment weekly or entertainment tonight interview we talked about a couple of weeks ago, where they're like, and next we're going to talk to Kim Richards about her desperate alcoholism. I love sobriety. It's sad because she keeps on making these interviews and I almost feel like every time she does one, she's convincing herself that she's okay, but I think it's obvious. It's patently obvious that she's not getting the treatment that she needs. Yeah, she's trying to get her job back on the show. And so she keeps going on to prove to everybody that she can get insured by insurance companies at the production company. And there's no way that the network is going to get insurance for her. Sorry, you're gone. But I am feeling kind of bad for her, but then listening to stuff in her interviews, she's just so far gone that she's really, I mean, that's an uphill battle. I mean, what do you do if you've never been sober your whole life? And you suddenly have to go through this world sober? It sucks, man. Yeah, and it's also kind of amazing that she still kept it together for for a good amount of time, right? She was like, she she was she kept it together through four or five seasons of the show, even when she was even when she was being sloppy, like she's definitely drunk. She was just like a drunk, she was like a bad drunk, but she wasn't like a disaster. And Lisa Rinna starts coming for her and it's like, I think she sells a problem. She's like, no, no, no, no. And then it's like, you know, it's like the the she came apart at the seams. And now it's just one disaster after another. It's like, whatever energy she had and keeping being like a high functioning alcoholic, or at least a medium range functioning alcoholic is gone. She is just off. Well, it's like coming out of the closet, you know, like so many gay guys, so many guys are terrified to come out of the closet. They don't want to be gay. They don't want everybody knowing they're gay. You know, they're they're going to be kicked out of their house or their family's going to hate them or the world's going to turn on them. And then and somebody finds out and they tell everybody and then it's like that person's life is ruined. But no, it's not because now they realize they're gay and they're like, fuck it. I'm just going to, you know, I'm not even ordering a pizza tonight. I'm ordering a bag of dicks. All right, I want a bag of dicks delivered to my house. Because it's like, once you're out of the closet and it's all on the table, it's like, all right, let's party. You know, and I think that that was kind of the way with her. It's like she kind of was outed and she's like, well, fuck it. Everybody's already called me a unless she drunk. So let's do it right. I think you're right. God bless her, man. Kim, just, you know, telling, just scale it back a little bit. We love you. We love you. You know, keep it back. Keep it together. Be drunk. Just don't be so drunk that you have to quit drinking. Yeah. And, you know, just stick to the booze and so the paint thinner. I think that will help too. Well, that stuff is in math, you know, like that that was like an ingredients list for math. Oh, that was in Tim Richard's system. That's what she's getting at Target then. Yeah, they're like, oh, there's so many random chemicals. Yeah, Target. She's like, are you guys got any goof off and pin a drill and white out? What do you mean? Oh, so why not? How am I supposed to fix them? A computer typing? Oh, all right. Well, by the way, do you have a screen cleaner? Robert Tusson. Um, so I just have that Tusson. I don't know that Tusson. So, I'm not drinking a robot. Well, you have non-robot. Do you have no non-robot Tusson? I don't trust. I don't trust a robot. Do you have a room but tests? Do you have a room but tests? And then a cold will feel better, but my house will still get clean. Hey, yeah, my Tamaguchi's got a cold. I think I need to get some Tamaguchi Tusson. You guys have any of that in this talk? God bless her. Could you imagine with Kim Richards running a Roomba on the floor of her, at least Bentley, that's about to be taken away? She's probably like Ellen Burson in Requiem for a dream. When that Roomba comes in the room, she is probably crouched in the corner, like fearing for her life. She's like she just sees jaws on the floor coming at her. The neighbor's suing me because she said my Roomba better. My Roomba would never do that. So anyway, why don't we move on to Real Housewives of Orange County? I would rather talk about Kim Richards for another two hours. We could do that too. Okay, Real Housewives so the... Here I come. Let me give you a note. So the Tahiti dreams, Tahiti dreams continue. So now on this week's episode, the vacation continues and we began with the ladies leaving the main island and taking a ferry to Moraya. Or... Well, I'm proud of Heather for not saying Moraya 20 times. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That was good. I'm glad that she didn't find another... I'm glad she didn't find like a ten-syllable like foreign word to say over and over that nobody else knew just so she could prove that she knows things that they don't know too. I'm also proud of her for not calling Terry. When they got to the ferry terminal, I'm proud of her for not calling Terry up and demanding that they add on a ferry port to their new mansion. Terry, we... Terry, we need to have not only a carport, but a ferry port please. Terry? Terry, I'm not really sure about the cabinets yet. Could you please send the million dollar cabinets over here so I can inspect them? Oh, so hard. I can't even take a vacation. Ah, just a day in the life though. Just a day in the life because I'm easy breezy Heather, you know? New me, new funny me. Don't you love me audience? I'm just like you guys. I'm just like you. Look at me in this little hut just like the rest of you. Yeah, it's easy. No big deal. Terry, we need a new ferry port. I mean, some of you guys go to Walmart. I actually go to a mart that sells gigantic walls, okay, from my gigantic house. I'm just like you guys. Some people like to buy bricks at the hardware store. I like to buy full walls. Hey, it's okay. I'm just like everyone else. Hey, I'm owning it. I'm just sort of like effortlessly glamorous like Lisa Vanderpelb. Now you all love me, right? I'm Heather. Poor, durable face, Heather. Okay, so they get to. They go to the ferry. Well, they get on the ferry and then Vicki does her fig vomit thing. That's like her. You know, Vicki is, she plays up a lot of these things. Like, she always is like, when she is nauseous or when she's drunk, she's totally the girl who likes to overdo it to make people laugh. You know, she's like, Oh my God, I'm so drunk. I'm so nauseous. Yeah, Vicki is always talking about how classy she is, but she is the most white trash to put it as my mother would put it as she watched Real Housewives of Orange County. What happened to her face? And why do people just allow white trash like this to run around and fattered? I don't really know what that meant, but I think I got the point and I don't really know why. I don't know why. She is. She has a house in Lake Havasu. Okay, she goes every year to a bar called Underlays in Mexico. All right, she's white trash. Yeah, Vicki is pretty cool. And she's sexually promiscuous. So they are at this stupid, what are they doing? They're on a boat and Vicki needs to really stop making, stop trying to make, whoop it up happen. Oh, she's not saying. So this, this episode, I mean, she was trying harder than Heather trying to be a woman of the people. She was like, Oh, we got to whoop it up. We're going to get on the boat. We're going to whoop it up. We're going to whoop it up. All right, there's a vending machine. Let's whoop it up at the vending machine. Oh, look at this. We're on a whoop of that thought. Hey, I got you. I hope you got whoop it up life jackets because I'm not putting one office drama in the middle of the ocean. I don't care. I'd rather die. They're not whoop it up. What? What? Who's whooping it up? They know Spanish here, right? Whoop. Is it the same in English as it is in Spanish? Whoop. Whoop a lay. I think that's how you say it is whoop a lay. Is it like school where you add an A on the end and suddenly you're talking Spanish? It's whoop a. Let's whoop it up. Okay. Okay. You know, if this boat this boat goes down, I don't mind. We're just going to whoop it up in the ocean. We're going to whoop it up with the sharks as they eat us. Just whoop it up. Let's whoop it up. You guys going to whoop it up with us? Hey, shark. We'll whoop it up. Hey, octopus, you're going to whoop it up with us. Huh? Huh? Yeah, I mean, Heather, Heather trying to be amusing is like where Shannon's remedies now when Vicki's about to throw up. I mean, where's your hocus pocus? First of all, that's a dick move to be making fun of poor Shannon's maladies. No, it's funny. Also, I think by now you should know that those remedies don't actually work. You've seen Shannon, right? Like everyone's like, let's go whoop it up. And Shannon's like, I'll be in my room with my immunizer, amino acid inhaler, anti AIDS vaccine. I have to do it every day. It's awful. It's just horrible being me. I have to take a I have to take a weeping willow tincture in order to save off the sea sickness. Thank you, David. David, where's my tincture? David. Um, I'm in I'm injecting a butterfly spinal fluid into my cheeks so that I won't get cheated on again. Okay, David, David, oh God, voicemail, negative thought, negative thought, David, David, David, David, I don't feel good. I must take my, my daily pigeon foot elixir in order to keep the negative thoughts in the 40 to 50 range. David, David, do you have my pigeon foot elixir? David. Oh, by the way, I didn't tell you your good news today, Benjamin. Oh, your song, the Shannon people. David, David is number five today. What? I just looked. It's number five on there. My girl code is not even on the list. Okay, out of 200. You know, but by the way, that list is so crazy. Cause when I looked yesterday, the song was at 102. It was at nine, then 102. And now it's up to five. I mean, this is our highest rating ever tied with the Amy Phillips thing. Oh my God. You guys, can we get it to number one? Can you guys just all send it to your friends and you guys? Can you listen to it like 10 times per day? Yeah, so good. And I listened to the ads, but sorry. I tweeted my girl code song to the chick from a Real Housewives of DC cat. The evil one I love her because she likes my evil recaps. And she was like, Oh God, please no, no more of this crap. And then she tweeted it at Cindy C. And she's like, I always think of you when I'm forced into dealing with this shit. And I was like, Oh, that's why that's why I love you, cat. So she doesn't like you anymore. Is that what you're saying? I don't know. She probably doesn't remember it, but I like that I annoyed her. So right now we have Chrissy Tegan and cattle Manny. Yes. I'm going to get everybody to hate us while you get everybody to love us. I don't think I've gotten anyone to love us, except maybe Elizabeth and the Casper showroom who said she actually downloaded our punch. She's like, Oh my God, I love Real Housewives. She actually downloaded the podcast. And it's like, I'm going to listen. So Elizabeth. Hi. Hi, Elizabeth. Okay, so yeah, I thought that was really cool. And I wanted to be sure I told you on here. So you know, you know, publicly. Oh my God, I can't believe the podcast. It's not real being. I can't believe it's at number five. Maybe if we can get to number three. So here's the thing we're going to actually post those songs. We'll post them so people can just download them. But maybe we should like maybe we should incentivize it that if we can get to number three, then we'll then we'll make it downloadable. Okay. So that way, because otherwise if people are listening to it like normally, then our Shannon, our Shannon ranking is going to drop down to like 1000, I know that list does go crazy. It makes no sense. Like everybody was listening on Saturday. I don't know. It's weird. I secretly, you know what I believe? I secretly think that iTunes hates us. And that when we infiltrate like the top 10, they they're they don't pay attention. And then they see that we're in the top 10 amongst like NPR and Grant land and like Disney. And they're like, Oh, fuck this. They drop us down to 102. And then they stop paying attention and we come back up again. And they're like, Oh, fuck this. They just keep on pushing us down. What are these guys doing? Get them off of our list. Get them off of this classy list. You know, but God free does not want to be crowded. Wait, I have to go look now. Is this real? Is this real? It's real. It's real. It's still tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm I'm loading up the eye. So of course, this is the iTunes store is the worst because you have to click iTunes or to music and then you have to click the podcast tab. If you go through like 10 million steps, just see what the top episodes are. You know, oh, God, let's whoop it up. What's open up just no mind says it'll take you right over there. Well, well, let me go. I'm gonna go all categories. I've got to go to TV and film. Let's whoop it up in the TV and film category. Huh? Let's go. It's not it's not overall. It's in the TV and film. Oh my God. You're right. Well, so right now it's number number one is NPR. Number two is Gilbert Gottfried, then Grant land, then big brother gossip show, which is basically our bonus episode. So people should. And then we'll take that spot even though we didn't earn it. We'll and then it's and then it's Watch for Crap is the Shannon Bador. Shannon Bador the David song and then naturally NPR again. Love it. We beat NPR. Shannon Bador the David song beat NPR. Terry Gris. You can call us. We'll come on the show. Let's do it. Let's go on the kid. Let's go on the moth and tell a story about how we beat NPR. I love that. It'll be right between the guy who was there for a nuclear a nuclear explosion and saved a baby and then like the transgender lady who got pregnant on accident and then we'll be right in the middle of those stories. I love that. And there'll be a lot of sound effects of like clanking silverware or like this ambient sound of like a diner. And it'll be like Ben and Ronnie have been podcasting for four years together. We never thought when they started that they'd make something of themselves, but things have decidedly changed. And then all of a sudden you'll hear like a waitress being like order up cheesecake. Only in our case is literally a waitress for Mel's diner, which if you are just listening we do have an episode from Mel's diner from about a month ago where the waitress did make a cameo on the show. But anyway, anyway, back to the show. Let's stop patting ourselves on the back. That's all you baby. That's me patting you on the back. You go boo. I've listened to that song seriously 70 times. I actually really my favorite part is David David David David David David David David David David David. I know but you know what's annoying actually if you listen to it directly on the iTunes store, the desktop iTunes store, it cuts off the end. It like fades off the end before she goes jadgy eyes. But if you listen to it on your iPhone, it works. Yeah, you have to drag and drop the songs onto your desktop. And then they sound so much better. I never knew that about iTunes that they like lower the quality on the actual store. But now I do. You can drag and drop from the iPad store? I mean, the iPad store? No, no. Well, when you've downloaded it to your computer, you can just drag and drop that file onto your computer and it plays beautifully. Oh, well, so David David, there you go. You see, you didn't think you were going to get iTunes tips here, but you did. 40 to 50. You know, I now have 39 to 49, I could have thoughts. I'm doing well. You drop me. You drop my range down by one. It's that injection of filtered pigeon pooping to your aorta. Well, you know what the funny thing is with the Shannon song is that it gets to the core of why I'm loving real housewives. I mean, we praise her every every week. But for instance, this vacation episode and last week's nothing really happened. There weren't any fights, but it's so entertaining because it's such a great display of Shannon's neuroses. So the women get to Morea and they get into their beautiful huts, etc. And they're all like, oh my God, this is wonderful. This is beautiful. Vicki wants to whip it up and then Shannon gets into a room and she's like, you know, there's food here. And why did they leave this food here? It's all fattening. David, David, David. I've got a copy every day. I have to use this every day because I'm handicapped. Not, I mean, I can walk, but my poor lungs camped. You know what it's like walking around with non-walking lungs? It's horrible. Every time I get to a crosswalk, my lungs feel terrible about themselves. And I say, don't worry. We're going to keep breathing ionized pigeon poop until you're okay. David. David, David, did you leave all this fattening food in here for me, David? David, are you trying to fatten me up? David, are you a feeder now? David, are you a feeder? David? David's mistress sent me chocolate covered strawberries to my room. Anybody know how she found me? David, David, David, David, turn off my, find your friends, David. David, David, why did you do this to me, David? David, I want a list of how many mistresses you have shown my iCloud password to David. David, where's my nebulizer? David, every time I breathe into my nebulizer, David, I feel like I am breathing into your soul. David? David? What about when they first got there and all the employees came out and started dancing around for them? And Vicki just thinks they're in Mexico because everybody's brown. It's like, oh, ah, woohoo, woohoo, buy it up. And they're dancing, and then some guy's dick is flopping out of his hotel. Lenny Kravitzing it. Yeah. And Tamara's like, woohoo, yeah, batch. Love the deck. And he's just like, oh, he's like finally an old, an old weathered, you know, rich lady from America to marry me. It's like you've already got a gay husband. You've taken a Bora Bora Tamara. Keep hitting your pants. Let's whoop it up. Let's whoop it up, Tamara. Okay, so yeah, they got to their huts and Heather's like, oh, isn't it cute? Look at me. I'm staying in a small place. I'm going to call Terry right now. And then she FaceTime's Terry and she's wearing another terrible fish nest thing from the Phaedra Park's collection where she's like, Terry, miss this. And then she aims the FaceTime at her crotch. I was like, oh, Heather, please stop trying to be entertaining and sexy and fun. You were not Lisa Vanderpump. Yeah, like Terry's sitting there like, God, it's hot today. I wish I could open that miniature office fridge I have. Heather's vagina and warm off my face a little bit. Yeah, no. And he's like, why are you showing me an image of Grayskill Mountain? The look on his face. They show him on FaceTime and the look on his face when she's like, yeah, miss this Terry. He's like, uh, he's got that like big white smile. You give a kid when they just shit on the floor and you're like, I'm still proud of you, but you're really embarrassing daddy right now. The dillards have that total look on his face. And then, you know, her face froze in the FaceTime and it's the best she's ever looked. Like, could have Heather. Yeah, he's like, just pixelate her and she looks better. And then so some of her monks is when they got in that first night, they went out to dinner and we had sort of like the annual real housewives of Orange County tradition, which is when all these women go out to a restaurant and they poo poo like elegant food and they scoff at it and make themselves look like idiots. Yeah, biggie gets a medium piece of steak and she's like, oh, I can't eat this. Oh, me. Oh gosh, could you just cook this a little more? And then Tamara's like, eh, scallopses, slimy batch. And Megan's like, oh God, like everybody, just be classy. This is so embarrassing. We're in a foreign country. Okay, people don't complain about their food in foreign countries. You get a sack of feed, you eat it, you get a slimy scallop, you eat it. I mean, shit, you get a bug get a booger, you put it in a lettuce wrap and you eat it. It all comes up the same way, people. And then immediately, Megan starts complaining about something is being too spicy. Oh, I ordered fish sticks. Where are my fish sticks? I ordered the kids macaroni and cheese just because it's really hard not having a kid. Nobody understands. I'm just going to order this and let it get cold like my womb. I order off the kids menu because I want to be cool with my with my kids. And they are my kids, even though they're not my own kids. I mean, I wish people knew what it was like to order off a kid menu and you don't have real kids. Do you know how hard it was to not push Haley out of my vagina? It was really hard. Nobody understood. Where's the pain pill for that? No one gave me an epidural. This is hard. Whenever I order off the kids menu, I think about how Haley always spends all her time with mozzarella sticks instead of doing her homework. And I feel like such a failure of her mother as a mother, which I am, I'm her mother. Whenever I'm in a restaurant and they give me the kids menu, I just think to myself, God, Haley would be doing this maze totally wrong right now. Whenever I do the maze, I get so confused. And it's the same sort of confusion. I feel trying to be a mother of Haley. Oh God, her voice is someone pointed to the south the other day on her Facebook, but her voice is basically just Christian now. I know. Well, because Megan, Megan, Megan talks like this, and Krista talks like this. It's just easier. I mean, she, they have pretty much the same IQ. She's more of like a giraffe, whereas Kristin's more of a horse face. You know, it's all this. Oh, did we skip the part where Tamara got naked? I think that was right. Yeah, we did. We did. I think I was going to talk about it. I think we were talking about white trash at some point. And then Tamara came running out with her, with her boobs. And then they're like, oh, I hope a shark doesn't eat one of your boobs. Listen, if the sharks were ever praying for another BP spill, yeah, that water is too clear. They were probably like, whoa, this water is too clear. Remember when that was a good thing in the ocean? Not anymore. We need a filter. You know, like the still driving your cars with gas or not, get off your asses. You know that like the number one story on the shark news was everyone say clear of Tahiti. There is a crazy lady in the water there. There has been a crazy lady sighting, steer clear, and all the sharks are like, oh God, Tahiti, we can't go, we can't go in the water in Tahiti anymore. Sharks are like, you remember what happened last time you ate sailing to Rome? He's like, yeah, I do. And well, did it? No. Stay away from her. Okay. And of course, Heather is the one who's like totally comfortable around all of the cold blooded animals. Heather's never comfortable anywhere in any place, but the second she sees the shark, she's like, oh, it's beautiful. Come over here, sharks. Like, okay, Ursula. She's like the queen of the evil things in the sea. I loved it. Yeah, like the number one shark blockbuster is called Heather. Just when he thought it was safe to swim near Tahiti again. That's the name of the shark blockbuster. Oh, do you ever see that movie, Heather? It's so scary. Yeah, my mom won't let me watch it. Heather's like, oh my God, sharks. Isn't it hard having to wear $400 shirts on me? That's not bad, right? I mean, the shark is like, I love the temperature of your vagina. Stay close. Do us for her. I think she's an anti-heater. Yeah, that's good. What else? So, okay. So then at dinner, the other thing was that they did a pregnancy test for Lizzie. And guess what? She's not pregnant. Just like every Lizzie storyline, it ends anti-climactically. I know. Just like every storyline, Lindsay tries really, really hard and fails. What did I say? What did I call it? You called her Lindsay, right? I don't know, which would be more interesting than Lizzie. Because then people would say, is it an N-S-E-Y or N-D-S-A-Y or N-D-S-A-Y or N-D-S-A-Y? What is it? What is it? That would be her tonight. Lizzie, you're a real conundrum, Lindsay. That would be her arc for the season. Finally, I got a banner that spells my name right and nobody showing up at my birthday party again. This is so embarrassing. So then the next day, it's like time. The next day is actually when they go visiting the sharks and everything. And before they go, they all gather like a bar and everything. And big news, everyone. Shannon shows up and she goes, I just had my Amino assets and I am charged with energy. Party time, girl got her Amino assets. I mean, I have never heard like, this is, you know, it's going down. I know. And everybody's like, great. Welcome, it's going down. I'm yelling Amino assets. I'm really proud of Shannon. She's gotten through all of her illnesses. She even got in a golf cart. Yeah, she got in that golf cart. I was like, oh, no, here it comes. And she was like, oh, this is great. Look at all the people that we're passing by. Keep driving, keep driving. And when he didn't, she was totally fine with it. Yeah, she really survived her. So they're at her golf cart trauma. Every time I get in a golf cart, I just think of that time. David was talking about having sake instead of coming to meet me on time. I just thought, you're taking a shot of your mistress, David, David, David, keep driving, keep driving. I'm going to be on hold 18 by the time we're done with this, David. David, David, I would like you to make a list of every single vehicle you took your mistress in. That way, I know never to get in that sort of car. David, David, did you take her into a golf cart? David, get me out of the slopmobile. Get me out of the slopmobile right now. David, did you plug your girlfriend in, like you plugged this golf cart in when you were done using it? Huh, David, did you, did you, did you waste energy on that tramp? David, from now on, when you go golfing, I expect you to, instead of selling four, I expect you to yell whore, because that's what she is. You took her to the green, didn't you, David? David. Okay, so Shannon has taken her medicine, and what did I say? Well, you said medicine and she only took amino acids. She took her holistic medicine. So anyways, they're at the bar, and they, you know, Megan's again saying, like, oh, she misses this, like, she's so sad because she only gets to see, like, Jimmy's little kids, only half the year, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and I'm like, you need to have a baby, have a baby, and it's just like, and then to the Megan's like, well, I mean, I have four, and then I love that baby just goes, well, you know, they're not yours. That doesn't count. Well, that doesn't count. I mean, you got four, four other people's kids, you know, it's like you're going thrift shopping, and you may wear a tux de prom, but you know, it was worn by some dead guy, you know, I mean, that's been basically worn by a dead guy. So enjoy prom, Megan. Enjoy it. Well, you know, it doesn't, it doesn't count if they don't love you, you know, so they're not yours, really. I mean, I get what she's saying, because Megan, I'm not saying that stepmothers are not important and blah, blah, blah, but I mean, she does have a point. Megan is sitting there sobbing and sobbing because she loves these kids so much. And Vicki's like, what you dated, what you've been with them for three months? And she's like, yeah, Vicki pot. Maybe I've been with him and married for three months, but we've been together for two years. Okay, that's like huge. It's like, you haven't even been in the same town as most of them. And just be quiet, Megan, just stop, stop. She's like, I really bonded with my stepchildren. When we both figured out the Fisher Price ring tower at the same time, I didn't think I could do it on my own, but I did it with my babies. I feel so much love for them right now. At the end of the day, the husband can end up cheating and getting another wife, but the kids cannot get another stepmother. Yes, they can, actually. They can. Oh, damn it. Damn it. It's probably not yours though. Megan was just, and then Megan starts crying and crying about, I mean, I'm trying to remember the exact quote that she said, but either way, I mean, it's like, I understand what she was saying. She wants, she does love them and she wants to be in their lives more, but she was also being totally ridiculous. Yeah, loving your stepkids is great. And I'm glad that she cares about being a good mother because a lot of mothers don't. Especially the third wife. I mean, third wives are not really known for being the best stepmothers. And you know, the other thing is that she, I think she actually missed what Vicki was trying to say. And admittedly, Vicki did not say it in the best possible way, which was, yeah, you may love them, but wait until you have your own when you have that bond that's so deep that it can never be replaced. When you actually bear a child, then you'll really know, then you'll really, I think that's what she was trying to say. But of course, Megan turned it into this thing that like, I'm always being reminded about the fact that I don't have a baby. I calm the fuck down. Okay, there's nothing like the feeling of having something grow inside of you, then almost kill you when it's coming out. Then it finally gets out of you, you're covered in slime and poop. And then it's looking you're straight in the eye and saying to you, I don't like the man you're with, mom, you know, there's something about that this that you'll never understand. Okay, Megan, you'll never understand it. Megan, there's, you know, there's something there's something so special about when that little face comes out of, of you, and it sits on your chest for that first time, and you look it into the eyes and you think, I cannot wait to take out an insurance policy on this baby. That is special moments. You'll never know what it's like to get your children lifetime insurance. Right when they come out of you. I mean, there's never a feeling of safety that you'll have in your life that compares to that. You'll, you'll never know, you'll never know what it's like when you rear that child and you take them to on delays for the first time and then zip lining in Puerto Vallarta. The first time that your child with the first time that you take your child to Lake Havasu to the to the house and Lake Havasu, that is so special. I cannot wait for you to have that, Megan. The conversation, I think we're going back and forth, but this conversation at some point turned into Brooks's cancer because Brooks was texting, who was Brooks texting? Shannon. Wait, I don't remember. I don't remember when the Brooks thing happened, but it's somewhere in this somewhere in this one of the husbands or something was texting. Oh, David, David, David, David was going out there. No, no, no, no, that was separate. But David and Brooks were going out to dinner. Yeah, David's like, Hey, honey, it's David. I just wanted you to know why I'm not cheating on anybody. And I'm getting your dragon necklace repaired from when you threw it at the, you know, at the at the glass water fountain in the living room. But I'm getting repaired. And I love you, honey. I want to keep our family together. Could you just call me back and let me know what to order? She's like, Oh, David's going out to a boy's night. Well, doesn't that tell fun? David, David, are you gonna order anything? Fattening? David, David, would you eat something more or less fattening than you would have a week after we met David? David just said he would eat tortilla a week after we met. He doesn't even know me. So they're going up for that bread and cheese and bread and cheese. They're going out for a boy's night to whoop it up. And then we start talking about cancer. I'm like, are we going to talk about how Brooks says cancer or how he's partying right now? Can we just can we decide on the storyline, Vicki and just stick with it? I don't even care what it is. Like, are we just gonna rehab Brooks? He's gone through three rounds of chemo. I don't know what the standard number of rounds are for chemo, but the women seem to think it's not that much to do only three rounds. So he's done three rounds of chemo. And now he's afraid he's going to die of the chemo. And I thought it was that the radiation was the riskier one. I don't know. I mean, I'm not going to get into that. But chemo, when my aunt was dying of cancer, it was so bad just watching her go through that. And she went through a long time and you just watch people disintegrate and lose all their hair, lose all of their muscle, you know, they get meth face because there's nothing left in their face like they're they're dying, you know, it's killing yourselves. That's how it works. So she went through it for so long that when my grandma got cancer a few years later, she was like, I'm just going to die. Just let me die because I don't even want to go through it. So I can understand that, not theory, but what am I trying to say? I can understand the plan of action, but he's not at the point where he's he hasn't lost any hair. Come on. No, he hasn't lost any more hair than he did, you know, just as a regular pace. He's still whooping it up at Island's burger bar. Okay. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not sure. And this is the episode where we start seeing that no one really believes that Brooks is dancing. And you can tell because every time they talk about Brooks's cancer, the music does not get dramatic. It's always like the silly coconut music from survivor. Oh, yeah, she's got the he's got the chemo. He's dying of cancer. You know, he's going out with the boys tonight. I just hope he doesn't order out a joke dip because you know who loves that cancer or cancer loves it. It just pigs that on Arnie Choke. Yeah. I mean, Vicki is so obsessed with what cancer likes. Yeah, cancer loves to whoop it up with white bread. It's whooping it up. You know, I'll tell you what, thank God cancer doesn't watch the news. And it hasn't heard about this gluten free thing yet, because if I had to stop feeding that cancer gluten, I just don't know what I do. You know, it's hard to cook a piece of meat. Look at the waiter. He couldn't even do it right. Spent too much time whooping up behind the grill and stuff cooking our meat properly. We should open a restaurant, a cancer restaurant, so we can give cancer things that likes to eat, you know, and then you can just go there when you don't have cancer. So anyway, so so that the women went off to go play with sharks and stingrays. And Megan was freaking out at first, which I love. She's like, I'm not touching those. Those things will kill you, David. David, did you want me to die here? Is this your plan? Did you did you invite these stingrays here, David? David, David. You know, it's really awkward listening to Vicki talk about things cancer can't eat because you know what, I can't eat anything either. I mean, I just feel like cancer and I'll bet you anything that cancer looks better in a bathing suit than I do right now. I'm just a fat pig. I can't take it. I'm jealous of cancer there. I said it. David, David, I almost want one of these stingrays to zap me in the chest just so I can know if anything could sting harder than you being unfaithful. David, David, I saw a bunch of your affairs floating around the seat. Oh, I'm sorry. I like to call these David Rays because all they do is sting you over and over and over again. Each one of them represents my negative thought of the day. There must be 40 to 50 out here. I tried yelling at them, but they just pretended they couldn't hear me. I mean, I might as well be at home, David. David, David, this thing may only be two bottles of wine and we're having a full dinner party out here. David? Oh, she's an only baloney. And I like when she's like, oh, Brooks, you know, I'm sticking hearing about Brooks and his cancer. He, there's other forms of treatment other than chemotherapy. He needs to see Dr. Moon. Look at me. Look at me. I'm doing great. I mean, oh, so then the pregnant test, we already talked about that. Then wait a minute. Sorry. Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. You go ahead. I was just going to talk about the pregnancy thing again, because I thought it was so funny. They're like, okay. Oh, you know, Lizzie just doesn't want to whoop it up. So she's pretending to be pregnant, but we got a test or she can whoop it up tomorrow. Stop trying to make whoop it up. Lizzie goes to the bathroom to pee on a stick and think he's like, is it done yet? Can you see it? Is there a baby? Can you see the head? Is it whooping? Does it say whoop it up? All things are so easy these days. You pee on a stick. You know, the first time I did it, I had to kill a rabbit. I still feel terrible. Still feel terrible. So anyway, back to the stingrays. So they're swimming with the stingrays and the guy, I love the also one point. The guy, the guy that's like, don't worry. They're all nice. And Vicki's like, how do you know that? You don't know them by name. I just love the idea of Vicki, like, hello, I'm Vicki and your name is, hello, Mr. Stingray. What's your name? Listen, it's very important to be covered out here, you know, you can sting somebody and then boom, they turn around and sue you. And then what are you going to do with Stingray? You need codo insurance on your side. Stingray, you can't be swimming around here all the time. You need to get a job. You need to work in case your stingray husband gets run over by this boat over here and you better have an insurance policy out on your stingray husband. Okay. Stingrays wouldn't be around going around stinging people if they just had jobs and stopped living off their rich stingray husbands. You know, those guys are stealing things. They're working at the stingray target. You know, this is how you get into a divorce thing, right? This is how you get into divorce. If you spend all your husband's money, spend all your other stingray, your stingray husband's money. Stop doing that. Get a job. Stop swimming around here. Stop yelling it Don through Megan. Okay, Vicki, like we get that you had to give Don half of your fortune. And that's called feminism. Okay, that's how feminism works properly. When women have to pay the money to, then you know things are working right. Stop trying to kill it. Just stop trying to kill it. Now, let it do its job telling. Well, I also liked when Shannon got into the water and then she was interfacing with the stingrays and she was like, Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Have you seen David? David? Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. How old are you? Don't tell me. I don't want to know. Wait, how old? How old are you? How long does stingrays live? I'm not taking the shit from 30 rolled up. Hey, that much. Are you older than 30? Just tell me that. I don't even know if we can be friends right now. I don't know. Okay, I missed 30-year-old stingray. Did you see David at a restaurant? I told him to tell me that every restaurant he went to with a stingray. David? David? I'll just tell you here. These stingrays are so muscular. I mean, oh, how do they do it? I mean, she's I just feel like a whale. Okay. Hello, stingrays. I'm Orca. I'm the whale. Hello. Nice to meet you. Oh, that's great stingray. Oh, look at that stingray over there. Oh, look at you. Staying all hard and taut must be my stingray. Tamara, all these, Tamara, all these stingrays know about me and David's divorce. David, stingray? I feel like these stingrays are mocking me. They know about our separation Tamara. Did you tell all these stingrays about us Tamara? David, have you noticed that their tails get hard when they're only when they're facing away from me? Why is that? Why is that? These stingrays are being mean to me. I don't appreciate it, Miss 30 year old. We need to put nine of these stingray. We need to put nine of these stingrays into a bowl. David, David. So anyway, speaking of rays, one thing that I was surprised at is that at the end of all this, they've been in the sun all afternoon. Heather is so pale. She is, I mean, she looks like, she looks like a Casper mattress. She is so pale. She is, she is like, she must have SPF 500 on. I mean, I don't understand. I've never seen someone be so pale and dehedy. Well, don't go on the sun. I mean, Tamara is like, oh, everyone's like, look at all the color you got. And I'm like, oh my god, how many chemical peels can you get in one month? And then you're going to do that to your face darling. Yeah. And then they're all like hanging on the boat and Shannon's touching Tamara's boot. They're a little spongy. Yeah. Tamara's like, look at my rat's batch. Like, oh god. All right. Here's Tamara's fourth sedatives. Let's just all talk about him for another car ride to a restaurant. Jesus, another car ride to a restaurant. Hi, get a hobby. Got a tit surgery addiction. Get over it, lady. Get a hobby. Learn to knit. No, no, don't be around sharp things. Yeah, Shannon's like, you know, her tits are, they're very hard. They're very hard, stony boots. I mean, my, I've got rocks and socks and I love them. You ever need something to do swing those suckers around? It's really fun trying to make them spin like helicopters and not hit each other. Tamara can't do that. Tamara can't do that. Tamara's tits are harder than the tombstone that's over my fake grave. Here lie Shannon B. Dorr, a wife who was cheated on. David, David. This is Tamara. So Tamara's tits are so hard. David could write in golden glitter paint. The affair was the best time I ever had in my life. I mean, they're that hard. They're that hard. So anyways, and then they stop the pizza. Let me get into the bio kid thing again, right? The one they're eating pizza. When they get the bio kid, the biological kid fight again. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We'll be like, ah, me. Uh, cheese and bread, cheese and bread. Oh, that's bread cheese, bread and cheese. I don't need that. David, David, stop giving me bread and cheese, bread and cheese. That was, that's my favorite song. Bread and cheese, bread and cheese, Shannon, that's black and yellow. No, I'm pretty sure it goes bread and cheese, bread and cheese. I listened to it a million times. Don't don't serve me a pizza. I started bread and cheese. All right. Rest from Tahiti. Okay, Mr. Pizza Man. Um, okay. So what we're gonna say before I interact with you. Okay. Well, so the big thing that happened in this scene is that Shannon gets a call from David, David, and then you hear like that urgency, that, that, that panic on her voice, she goes, what do you mean, you went all in? What do you, what do you mean, you took it out? What, what do you mean, David, David, David, let her have it. David, David, David, what? So they, of course, they edited to make it sound like David was confessing some sort of affair. But instead, I'm like, David's in jail or like you saw some girl on the beach outside the chilies that you started yelling at me. She was right on the beat. You had to walk on the beach after he had sex with her and then discarded her. How dare she? Shannon was definitely, Shannon was probably at some bro level one, maybe one and a half. And she came back all panicked because she expressly forbids her daughters from having sleepovers, which is crazy that at least 13, they've never had a sleepover. So apparently on the sleepovers, David, David, we know what happens on your sleep the vents in their air conditioner, David. You, you need to change those filters once a week, David, we can't control that someone else's house. My children are not leaving this house, David, David, get off the channel here, David, and listen to me. No, you're not changing a light bulb, David, get down, David, David, where's room up control? Oh, you think you're funny? David, it's not going down. David, I'm really trying, honey. David, if the, if girls are coming all over tonight, then here are the rules. The first one goes to sleep at eight, the next one goes sleep at midnight, and the third one doesn't go to sleep, she just cries the whole night. How we do it in this house? One of us needs to stay up all night crying, and if he can't be me, it's going to be one of our kids. Okay, it's called tradition, David, and no Gmail allowed whatsoever. So apparently, so this is what happens when if you don't let your kids ever have a sleepover their entire lives, what happens is that your kids act out and go crazy and Shannon's kids went and TPed the neighborhood, and then one of them possibly fractured her foot while climbing over a fence, and she's the star of the basketball team. So what made me laugh about this was that Heather, the cut to Heather, she's like, TPing a house? It's kids. It's silly. It's funny. Oh, shut up, Heather. If this was, don't stop, stop with this whole act of like, yeah, you're fine with it. You're easygoing. You would be the first one to freak out if your house got TPed or if your kids TPed someone's house. Don't even act like it's silly. It's funny. You wouldn't let your husband have an onion ring at his party. You freaked out when a bow broke. Someone ate the fondant bow on your cake. Okay. Don't act like you are cool with kids TPing the neighborhood because you are not your carport will be TPed someday, and you're going to sue everyone. Your carport. I know she turned Colette into a fucking change purse if she did that. So that collects misbehaving again. And then they show Colette and she's like, we all know playtime and problem solving as a kid is super important. That's why Kiwi Co is launching Kiwi Co clubs to engage kids on a journey of seriously fun learning. With Kiwi Co clubs, kids will learn the fundamentals through hands-on projects and progressively build their skills with each new project they work on. Watch your kids go from learning to build bows and arrows to engineering their own robot. Kiwi Co has five clubs with unique topics like science, technology, engineering, art, and math, otherwise known as STEAM that encourage kids to be creative, bold, curious, and persistent through hands-on playing projects, tinker, create, and innovate with Kiwi Co. 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It's O-L-I-V-E-A-N-D-J-U-N-E dot com/freshmanny25 for 25% off everything. Just sitting there. It's like, wow, seems terrible. Seems terrible. Yeah, and Heather, I think also Heather just thinks it's cute that people still have TP, you know. She's like, wow, look at all these poor people with their, you know, look at how cute it is for Shannon to let her children use like poor people paper to wet her butt. Because you know, she's got one of those $20,000 toilets that like sprays you blow, dries you wax, you bleaches your corn hole. She probably has a colosse me bag set up. So it just sucks right out of her and she gets back on with her life. Yeah, her ass doesn't even get dirty. I know that's my great invention that I wanted to take on Shark Tank. It looks like a photo booth, you know, where people go in and take their photos and stuff for fun at parties, except it's where you go and a hose goes up your butt. And then it takes out everything you just ate at the cheesecake factory. Do you know how rich I would be? Oh, that's a good I like that. If I could just figure it out then. All right. I'm so so then it's time to go out and the the women sort of split up. Meghan, Lizzie and Heather go off to have a boring dinner and drinks and then Vicki Vicki, Megan and and Shannon get you wrong. And then they get into a golf car. Vicki Tamara and Shannon, God, you're turning into me. What I say, what I say, Vicki, Megan and Shannon, that would not have been fun. They put all the boring people in one Vicki's like, Oh, we're just going to stay home. We're so tired. You guys have fun. Okay, let's whoop it up. They're going to wear the underlays. Let's bring it on. Let's do this. Whoop, there it is. Okay, so I'm wearing golden plastic pants. I'm ready to do this. Oh, look at these shorts are gold. Oh, God, I'm going to get sick from these. I just now wait. Oh, I just take a big head of amino acid. So I'm seeing a lot of things. So so here's the thing. They're like drunk. Vicki's like driving our golf car. Is it me or is that like wildly irresponsible, especially for someone who has that runs insurance? So they not only did they drive this as you drive the golf cart drunk, but she drives it into the restaurant. Like she actually drives it up to the host and which to me seemed like pretty awful. Yeah, she's just such white trash. They're so proud of being trashy. I know. And they're like, this ramps get a break, Vicki. She's like, Oh, I hope the ramp has insurance. Yeah, let's whoop it up over the ramps insurance policy. Listen, you know, ramps learn the hard way, just like everybody else. I offered this ramp insurance and it just it just sat there. So you know what? It gets what it gets. So then they're in this really nice hotel restaurant bars, the Sophie tell. First thing they do is order fireball shots. I mean, again, I mean, this is so trashy. And the waiter's like, uh, I'm sorry. I don't know what fire is like, you know, like shots, you know, fireball. Fireball is like my English is not. You got fireballs. You got fire. It's a it's like a fire. You know, hot fire ball. A fair ball. It's like whooping it up in your mouth. You know, fireball. He's like, I don't know English. And she's like, fireball, fireball. He's not that for great sake, ladies. So he just brings them vodka. And then Shannon's like, Oh, he brought us vodka on ice with a lemon on that. That's not a fireball. That's vodka with lemon. Don't worry. I'm I'm not upset about it. I've gotten used to disappointments like this, because I live with David and he never listens to anything that I say. You don't know how many times I've asked him for fireballs and he brings me just a glass of water. So this is actually an improvement. David, David, you could learn something. David, David, I like him the other place where Vicki was like, Oh, hey there, buddy. I got me a survey says. Oh, I forget. We're not in Mexico. Okay, just bring me a beer roll then. And she's a white guy. He wants to rest. It's like some tourists who bought a place. He's already like had an entire conversation with him in English. And she's like, Oh, yeah, Olas, Olas, senior. Do you have a, sir visa? Por favor? It's like every time people go like on the amazing race, anytime anyone's in a foreign country, and they get into a car and I was like, underlay, underlay, underlay. And they're like in Bulgaria. Totally. Everybody's Spanish. So then yeah, so they get the girls are partying, the old girls are partying. And then the boring lame ones are like, so what do you guys think about Meghan fighting with everybody? And then Heather's like, listen up Megan. Here's how it works. Okay, Tamara has been in a custody battle. Her child is going on Facebook and calling her a terrible whore of a mother. You're never going to win with her. I know. And then, but then then it cuts to the the fun women doing like the 10th shot of the night. And they're talking about the situation with Meghan and what she was saying. And Vicki's like, you know, Megan's step gets, they have mothers, they have mothers. I'm like, Oh, that's so awkward. Yeah, it's really, really awkward. Yeah. And Vicki talking about parenting is kind of hilarious. Yeah, I know. But then then there was trying to, you could see the fun girls were trying so desperately to like come up with a good reason to hate on Heather again. You know that they're like, we're annoyed. Heather hasn't given us an in this season. So now they're the big thing that they're talking about is that Heather is apparently really good friends with Jim's ex. And they're like, they're like, they think it's strange that Heather being such a good friend with Jim's ex is cool with Megan and hanging out with Megan and Shannon's the one who's most mad. She's like, does the X know that Heather is hanging out with Megan? Megan? Girl, you know, if this girl named Girlcoat, girls stick together. First of all, no, they don't. You're on a real housewife show. You already know that that's bullshit. That has never happened in history or women. Yeah. And she's she's like, well, I don't know. I don't know if Heather is hanging out if Heather is hanging out with wife number three instead of wife number two. I don't know if I can be friends with her because that almost happened to me. Yeah. Listen, no, it didn't. Everybody's situation is different. One affair is not the same as another. One marriage breaking up is not the same as yours. You can't go around like resenting everybody else. Everybody else is happy marriage because yours, you know, it's like, come on. And we don't know if Jim's ex, you know, ex number two, we don't know what she thinks about Megan. She might be cool with it. So like, I actually think when the parents are cool enough and realize that it's not just a lifelong battle in front of their children, because someone like Shannon battles in front of her children. She drags him on national TV. She mortifies them. These little kids have to go to school. And all Shannon does is berate her husband, bring him on national TV to berate him more. And I'm not saying like the guy was justified in what he did, obviously not. But to put your kids through that is just really gross. And then to be acting like you're the one who knows girl code when you're mortifying your entire family and your husband who's supposed to be your best friend every week and then judging somebody else for being cool with their wives for the kids sake or the xy's for the kids sake. Come on, lady, like you need to rethink. Yeah, no, I agree exactly. Shannon does not know anything about girl code. Speaking of girl code, I don't know where this falls in the realm of girl code. But at one point, you know, they're drunk enough where they're all because like, "Tim, are we friends again? Are we friends again?" Whatever. And then they go into like kiss each other and then Tamara licked Vicki's face. It was so upsetting. Because Vicki, every time Vicki is drunk or sobbing, she's like, "Wait a minute, Tamara, you're gonna still be nice to meet you ma'am." Because this time, we'll be right up. We're gonna turn into a bitch again. Like, of course, she's gonna turn into a bitch again. She needs to keep this job, okay? So far this season, she's done nothing but be a fake Christian and then like have new fake boobs. Like, she has to do something. Someone's about to get it. That being said, it was really funny watching them get all shit faced. And I love when at one point, like Vicki's phone rang and the ringtone came on and they just all started dancing to it. That actually cracked me up. And then Tamara took a shot and she couldn't do it. So she like spat it out, which was funny until they cut to her. And she had a full on like, drool coming out of her mouth. Did you see that? Oh, no, bro. It was a big long spittle just dangling down. It was so nasty. I like that absolutely nothing really happens on this show, especially this season. Nothing is really happening, but I'm really enjoying watching it every time. Even though part of me feels so awkward because they feel like they're really awkward around each other. People are kind of annoyed with Shannon because she's just such a basket ace. And then everybody's afraid of Tamara because she's so mean. And then Vicki's mom died and then Lizzie's just like painful. You know, you know, chocolate syrup wouldn't even want to go on her. It'd be like, that bitch, you know, go somewhere else. It would look like it would look like the shoe in Roger Rabbit when the guy the the judge is putting it in the in the vat of dip. And the shoe's like, everything. Yeah, exactly. And then eventually gets put on. I was like, no, I'm melting of boringness. You don't do this. But you know, Heather's got to stick up her ass and then who's left and Megan is just a phony trying to start fights with people for no reason and make your story line about giving a shit about some 16 year old who's leaving the house in the year anyway. Yeah, I do have to say this though. I will never swim in a sofatel pool ever again. In my life, not that I ever really have just because they were maybe the water transfers. Yeah, I think so. Like, you know, they I hope they sanitize that pool and also they like are spilling drinks in there. There's probably like shards of broken glass everywhere. And don't forget the sofatel is also the same place where there was a pool party on the Vanderpump rules where Jack's and his crew were hanging out. So I don't know, I'm backing away from the sofatel back in the way. Yeah, those hotels are why in Hollywood, there's those billboards everywhere that says syphilis is real. And it's like blurry. So you look at it and you're like, wait, do I have syphilis? And you're like, no, it's just blurry, damn it. Wait, did I go into a sofatel pool that Jack's was in? Okay, no, everybody comes back from Bora Bora with syphilis. They're like, wait a second. Is that slime fuzzy? Dr. Dr. Mel? Dr. Moon, I think I can't tell, is this just because I haven't taken my amino acids today? Or do I have syphilis? David? Dr. Moon? David? Meghan? Meghan? Dr. Moon? Meghan? So Shannon, my friendship is with Tamara is back on track. Okay, I love that because she's like, oh, you know, the first time I had fun was with Tamara when we were in my kitchen wasted. And now here we are somewhere else and we're wasted. And you know what, it works. It's fun. This is the Tamara I look. Yeah, the wasted one. That's why drunk people always have fun together and people in rehab don't. Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly, Shannon and yours. It's not it's not Christ helping. Yeah. Mm hmm. It's Gregus. Yeah. All right. I think that's it, right? Yes, that is it. So let's move on to married to medicine. Another show where nothing is going on, but unlike Real House of Orange County, it is not interesting at all. This is not cute. This show, this show has so much going for it. I don't know why it's so bad, but I can't lost its way. It lost its way after season one, but we will we will we will pull. We will soldier through this. We will force a fighter. Oh, it's from Big Brother. Sorry, call back to the bonus. Yes, a fighter. So the first thing first is a quad. This is shocking. BCBG actually invited a quad to go to Los Angeles to be rep, I don't know, an example of a lady who wears their clothes. I don't know. So I was actually shocked about that and I was like, oh, this is going to make quad even more annoying. She's going to think that she's a fashionista now. If it's even possible for her to get more annoying BCGB, did they come out with a line for like Walmart? Yeah, I kept on feeling like it was some awful practical joke. Like it was one of those movies like I thought it was like, you know, trading, trading places or something like that where there's some rich person who like hires some like wannabe from wherever and like is just entertaining. It's like has them come into their life and then all these like high fluting people are just like laughing, you know, this clown, you know. Yeah, well, her actual suit, she was wearing the most unflattering thing. I was like, did they take her measurements before they put her in this? It's it's like fire engine red. Then she's got these big like shoulder pad things that just make her look wider. She already looks like a quarterback. Why would you put those things on her? And that was not cute. So I don't know what they're doing over there. But yeah, I don't know. But before we get to that, Lisa Nicole, Lisa Nicole, her kid, her son is planning a birthday party. Now I have to admit, I did think the scene was very cute when her son was like, was trying to figure out his party and then his sister was like writing down everything and she's like, okay, what games you're gonna have? And he's like, um, and he's like, come on now. And he's like, well, I was gonna let you choose two. But now I'm only gonna let you choose one because you're being bossy. She's like, well, hurry up. And he's like, okay, now you do none. She's like, I'm doing two. He's like, fine. I was like, wow, this this scene has more drama than the entire series. They negotiate like their parents do. Lisa Nicole's like, one more time, Darren, one more. Okay, it's okay. It's okay. I still love you. We'll work on it. We'll work on it there. One more time. Okay. Okay, Darren, that was her bad. That was the stripper's bad. She lied. She lied while I was eating sushi. Who does that? I'm gonna see the strippers. My favorite part of this when I just like Lisa Nicole being like, my life is being around my kids. I'm like, yeah, because they're the only people who think you fucking talk normal. It's like the only place you can fit in in a conversation. They're the only ones who put the hangers the right way. And one of the kids who she's like, okay, let's erase it. And someone said, let's erase daddy. It's so awkward. And then meanwhile, Jackie, so then this part we learn that Jackie's dad has Alzheimer's, which is very sad. And I started to think, you know, this kind of irks me because this whole season, Jackie has made fit is the new it her thing. Like her mission is about fat shaming and getting people in shape. I'm like, you know, you have actually a platform here and you obviously want to use this as a platform, I should say. And you're going on and on about weight, like, why, like, how could you not be using this as a platform to like, raise awareness about not awareness, but, you know, talk about Alzheimer's. This is such a real thing. And it's because Jackie means, you know, Jackie, I think is a little hard. And I think that she needs love. And I think the reason she does this show is to kind of get love that maybe she's lacking. And look, let's just be honest, if you're doing a diet program, fat people lose weight, and then you can show their picture after, and then they love you more, you do something for an Alzheimer's patient, he ain't gonna remember tomorrow. Yeah, that's true. I mean, what's the point? So it's so sad watching that happen because that is a harsh one to deal with when you're, you know, loved one doesn't even know who you are and stuff like that. That's so sad. And then they got into the discussion of pulling the plug and who makes that decision. And I think that's an interesting conversation because we're having that right now. In my family, we're having that discussion in my family, because my grandpa has been so sick and he just lost a leg and he's about to lose the other leg. And we were talking about how well, of course, with my mom, who's like, that's where I get my horribleness from. So we were just talking alone. But my mom's like, oh, God, just put me down. I mean, if they if they take both my legs and one of you kids has to lift me out of the toilet, it's time to just inject me with something. And I'm telling you, you have permission right now to do it. And I was like, thank you, because I'm like, can you put that in writing? Because I might come back. But it is an interesting conversation because we've been talking about health care so much in this country. And when people are on the government dime, like, how much do they get? Like, when do you say, okay, now you just died? Like, you've got two legs and now you have Alzheimer's and now you're pooping. Like, when do you just say, it's done? I mean, I just, I want to be done, you know? Yeah, no, I know. I actually don't even like to think about it. It's like, it's too awful. But I mean, it's, but I appreciate watching that on this show. And that's the thing. It's like her whole fit is the new it storyline. It feels fabricated. It's not interesting. There's, it's just, it's this, it's a contrivance for the show. And this is something that's real. And it's not saying that every scene has to be a downer. But you would think that she would want to be maybe like exploring research about it or like, I don't know, going on this journey to way much the way Simone is going on a journey with her dad, you know? I just feel like it's a lost opportunity for something interesting in the show. It's interesting how a show that really has so little going for it can get us talking about stuff like this, because Simone to me, on my opinion, is so different of her. I think it's so wrong of her to, I mean, a, I mean, I'm totally being a hypocrite. So I'm admitting that right now. But like talking about her father's issue in the first place, then talking about it the whole season and how he can never be there for her or the children. And now she's going to bring his alcoholic ass on TV. Why let it, like let the man just be drunken. I think there's like some exploitation there. And I don't know. I don't like that. I think that if he's put through hell like that, then I think she's entitled to like the ultimate, ultimate dick move. I do too. I actually like she is being so sensitive. And this is all about the family tree project and the kids. I think it is. I think it is. I actually, I believe that stuff is I think it's I don't think she's being underhanded. I think that this is, I think that's like a real thing that she's going through. And she's grappling with it. And she may not be making the right decisions, but that's what makes it interesting. But, you know, watching Jackie, yellow people in a megaphone while they carry drugs of water, you know, 50 feet in a forest is like not that interesting to me. You know, go think. Well, other things that are not interesting to me are quad packing for L.A. and talking to her dogs like they're human. Now I understand dog owners do that and cat owners and pet owners in general. But she like, what I hate when what she does is she says, she's like, she's like, all right, don't get in my suitcase. Don't get in my suitcase and the dogs get in. She's like, I thought we talked about this. So I'm like, oh, there's one thing to say, don't get in my suitcase. I get it. But like she talks as if she was talking to, you know, like a liar or something like that. I do that. I get I have like boyfriend fights with Bueller on the street. Well, I understand if you were like, why are you driving into the key grass again? I've already told you not to do it every fucking time you do it. Well, I understand. I understand that. Like, I understand that that's, you understand having those conversations with the pet. But the way Quad does it is she's like, really, she's like, she's talking to them. Like, she's not pet talking to them. She's actually like maintaining a conversation and perhaps hearing things back. Well, at least she hasn't accused one of them of abuse yet because that's that that's Quad's next storyline because she's going to be refusing to talk to anybody by the end of the season. Her next story is going to be, you know, like one of her dogs, you know, splashing water on her when she was trying to have a drink or something. Yeah. Well, then so what I love this with that, Quad invited Jill and Simone to LA. And then Toyo was like, was upset about this. And Toyo's talking to someone about it. And she's like, and she thinks that Quad not inviting her to LA. It was real petty like, who Jin will invite me to LA? He's not real petty like. Stupid toy. I love that toy is shocked that she's not inviting it. I thought I was cool with the quads. I'm like, no, no, no, you're not. My favorite song is by the Quad City DJs. Doesn't I count for anything? She's been real petty like what I should have did. What I should have did was just hide in the suitcase like the dogs. Quad's entire beef this season is somebody following her around and you're putting hidden cameras in your house to catch her husband doing something wrong. There's no way you're ever going to be friends with Quad. Just drop it. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely not. But I wanted to go to LA. Everybody read basketball stars houses there. Nobody make fun of me over there. I have a lot of ambulances there. I have came here to this airport so I can go to LA, but you're not letting me go. And that's real petty like, okay. So they go to LA with Jill, who I'm still not really understanding her point. Jill. Jill. Jill. And Quad. Simone. She's still. Sorry. See, don't talk like that. I'm being annoying. I wish you could make a sound effect for her blinking because she's like, she's a blinker. She's actually the one who does the serial theme song. Did you, or did you not accuse me of making a stripper come interrupt your sushi dinner to announce to the entire strip pup that your husband is here all the time? I also like that when Quad was going to LA at some point in the area, she said, she's like, Oh, honey, everything I turn everything I touch turns to gold. I'm like, like picture perfect pup. I don't that's this is that is that gold? Is that is that one of the gold things that we're talking about? Because I don't see that really taking off anytime soon. Maybe that everything you touch is like mortified and no longer moves like the Midas touch when he touches it and kills everybody. Doesn't he kill his own daughter or something? He kills every daughter into into gold. Yeah. Yeah. And Quad's like, sometimes I ask myself, what's the point of gold? I think she has to realize that everything she touches does not turn into gold. It just turns into Hanukkah money. Just chinsie on the outside and melty on the inside. But I think that shows gold coins. Yeah. Chocolate coins covered in. I love those. I know. Well, of course, they're the best, but they're not real gold. Quad. Hold on. I wrote. I wrote a couple. Quad. Yeah. Everything's a little bit out of order for me. They go over to the mansion of the BCGB lady or whatever. Oh, wait, you're you're a you're a way ahead. Okay. Okay. So I'll save them because those come later. Okay. Alzheimer's. So for no, no, no. Well, we don't have to talk about Alzheimer's anymore, but I forgot to go out. We did that. But I liked Quad's hashtag. She's like, this trip I left all the negative 50 revives behind me. This, we are not going to have a negativity, nativity party. Okay. This is a real party hashtag. No drama, fun time, celebrate quad money, honey. You can't make your hashtag longer than Twitter. Yeah, I know. She's like, it's 180 word hashtag. Meanwhile, Lisa Nicole had this birthday party for her son. And you know, it was funny. I was expecting it to be a really annoying birthday party because they showed scenes from last year when there was like a chariot and a horse on carriage and all this ridiculousness. This time was actually like a very sort of sweet normal, you know, a bunch of kids making pizza, which was, and then they played, they played musical chairs and Lisa pulled the chair out from under heavenly and heavily like just fell to the ground. And you know, she's like, I know I know why she has all these charges together. Yeah. I'd say we're too, but I'd say we're too, but then she'd have to cook. I love her. She sort of sounds like a chicken. Anyway, not that chicken sounds like that. I like that Lisa Nicole has just chilled and like, she'll have a normal party for kids. And I liked all the normal games like that whole in the tail on the stripper who accused your daddy of eating sushi. She was like, you will stand here divine. You will stand here and you will get tails pinned on you and tell you take it back. Throw the glass of water on the stripper. That's her. That's her game for the kids. I was just trying to give her a bath. So then, of course, it's a kid's birthday party, which means now it's time to talk about how the mom is like beating people up at restaurants at Lisa Nicole's like, listen, I don't know what you heard from the waitress at Applebee's. But what really happened is that, yes, I did throw water, but then quad came up and she poked me in the forehead and then she got physical first and they did not show the clip, but no, I did not do that. Yeah, no, that never happened. Say what you will do, quad. This was 100% of these cynical's fault. Yeah, say what you will about quad, but she knows how to sue a bitch. Okay, she knows what she can do and what she can't do and what's going to happen in a court of law. And she did not poke you in the head. Nothing like that ever happened stupid. Stop lying. Yeah, just stupid. So then speaking of quad, we then saw this photo shoot that you were mentioning before. She's getting this, she's doing this BCBG photo shoot. There's this like the, I forget what her role is at BCBG, but Luba is overseeing it. She's effortlessly glamorous. She's, you know, she's got like a thing on her shoulders. She's just, she's actually just like amazingly wonderful, like just love her, you know, and, and she's the sort of woman who walks around with her hands clasped and just, just doing wonderfully, just doing wonderfully diving. And quad is doing this photo shoot. And this was like the most stereotypical like gay entourage because they were all just saying, they're being gorgeous. That's gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Just so gorgeous. This is everyone he shots at B. C. It's gonna want to look like a football player with a wave after this crumbs up. This is just, this is just your, this is wonderful. And of course quads like I am like a 24 hour diner always serving the people. She's like, I'm a 24 hour diner. I'll put it on your plate of smile on your face and sometimes you try and take them in on the way out and I say, no. I am like a red box machine, push some buttons and I'll give you a show. Oh, so now it's time for my quad thing. She's like, I love LA honey because LA stands for a lie. Absolutely wonderful. I love it here. This is my last, of course you love the lifestyle. Everybody's like dripping with money. There's a chandelier hanging from the ceiling that comes all the way down to the floor. Of course you love it. And she goes, it's been hard for me. I face some obstacles, especially with friends. I was like, can you learn a one goddamn word in your sentence? Please. She's like, I want to get to the same level as this woman. I'm like, you need to know, you need to know English first. Okay. No one is going to have you millions of dollars and trust you with the business when you can't say especially nobody. That being said, by the way, Luba's house is one of the most amazing houses we've seen on Bravo because we've see a lot of mansions. You know, we are the real houses of Beverly Hills and million dollar listing, etc. But this one was actually a not tacky, gaudy, crazy mansion trying to look like a Tuscan villa. This one was beautiful. I was like, I even I was like, holy shit. And you know, you got to hand it to quad because she's like, all right, we a lot of rich girls, she's wealthy. Like we're rich, she's wealthy. I was like, yeah, it's true. At least she recognizes that. At least she wasn't, you know, thinking that's her McMansion was like on the same level. Yeah. But I love that she inspires to get it one day. Oh, Lord. She said inspires to get it. Yes. She's like, I inspired what does she say? I don't know. But you know, that was the only thing in the quote. I inspired this wealth. Oh, you keep inspiring. Yeah. Well, what I thought was what I thought was actually really weird was that they get there. Luba gives them a tour, you know, and they're looking at all these amazing rooms. And then Luba brings them into this like salon where there's just all these, like, fashionable, fashionable hip people sitting there drinking martinis and stuff. And I was like, this is so bizarre. It's like she just has a room dedicated for a party that's ongoing or something, you know, yeah. Like they're they're in the waiting room. I haven't told them what they're waiting for yet, but they'll be there if we need them. Okay. Yeah, but it was, um, I actually it was actually a very cool scene. I loved like Simone and just sort of taking it all in everything. You know, Simone was like, I was not expecting this on this trip, you know. I really loved how they do this party. And then that interspersed with them showing off their fancy hotel room at the best Western. And they were the undos. They were at the on the cross the streets because I was kind of watching it. And then they showed an outside shot and I was like, please tell me they're not staying in the best Western right now. I'm acting like it's so fancy. She's like, look, it's not just breakfast in the morning. It's continental. Because wealthy people go out and have jobs, y'all. Meanwhile, Toya's back in Atlanta looking at Instagram like, Oh gee, look, like I can't do that for breakfast. Oh, I can't believe we didn't get involved. Oh, I should have I should have came there anyway. Oh, they think LA is so great. I don't see a I don't see a pledge. Sure, filled with sausage links from Costco, Eugene. Well, Jean, I don't see any sort of scarecrow made of sausage over there. What I should have did was take the whole spread and go out to Beverly Hills and put a sausage scarecrow in the middle of the stream, taking a picture on Instagram and I'm like, who's petty like now? Okay, Jean. Okay, so then we get for then we get to the best part, which of course is at the end. And it's just a stupid fight because there's nothing real to fight about anymore. They're just so made up. And Jill's like, guys, guys, guys, I'm gonna have a prohibition party. Like what? And she's like, yeah, we're gonna prohibit violence against women. Like every other party doesn't like unlike all the other parties where people just, you know, invite you to come over and beat the shit out of whatever woman happens to be standing around there. We're gonna prohibit violence against women. We're gonna prohibit putting toys in packages that are hard to open without scissors, because I mean, what's the point? And we're gonna prohibit people from copying VHS tapes. We're gonna we're gonna put an FBI warning on the front. It's gonna be great. She's gonna fix it. She's gonna fix everything. I love also how she so loosely fits the theme to her charitable causes. She's like prohibiting. I'm surprised she wasn't like, we're gonna guys, we're gonna have a roaring 20s party because I am women hear me roar against defamation against women hear me roar against bad body types. Guys, we're all going to dress as flappers because if someone tries to put us down, someone tries to have a bad woman body type thing. We're just gonna flop at them and be like, no, we're flapping against it. Guys, nothing will stop violence against women like a well-timed box step. Guys, we are going to have a speakeasy theme party because we're going to speak hard against issues like shaming body types. Guys, guys, I don't want you to come. Violence against women, well, only if it's done by men because Lisa Nicole perpetrated violence on me. Actually, the real quote, when Joel said that she was inviting everyone, Quad says, you're putting me in a cumbersome situation is what you're doing right now. What? Oh my god. This situation is so cumbersome. Like, it is taking forever to get through it. Quad wants a, she wants a hazy situation. Don't put a baby in a cold sack on me. Me and Joel are daffodil. Me and Miss Jill, the daffodil has it, honey. Me and Miss Jill, the daffodil has it, honey. That's so good. So this, we talked about this little last week, but this fight is so funny because she's like, oh, you all, well, on there, we all is you all here. I'm like, wow, Quad, you're really stretching, you're really stretching it there. And Joel's like, yes, all of us and all of the girls who are also not here. Quad's like, yeah, because they aren't here because all of us is all of us. Cool here in the cold sack of cumbersome. I don't know what that meant, but everybody's invited. It is a prohibition part and I prohibit you from inviting anyone else to the prohibition, hishian, daffodil, cumbersome party. How you gonna have a party about violence against women when I still feel water on my face? She's like, you have squeezed this tangerine way too many times and now it's time for you to go to the horse race. What? I just have invited you to a party. Oh, no, you threw that box out the window a long time ago during that thunderstorm, honey. What? I lick my thumb, stick it in the air, and I can feel that the toaster is on in the kitchen. The domino fell one too many times while the peacock was walking, all right? What goes up must come up even more than possibly fly away when you never see it again, honey. There's a porcupine in that refrigerator and it's saying help me get under the rollercoaster. I inspire to have that on the BCGB shirt tee. I call my shirt tee the apple sauce grandmother look because you know why and I will prohibit you at the prohibition party from explaining to anyone the reasons. Anyway, actually what Quad really said was the reason why she can't go to this party is it's way too early for me to be in an environment where I could be somewhere that someone could pick up a glass twice and throw that at me. I can't. I won't. So I don't. Way to take a stand there, Quad, against being in a place where someone could take pick up a glass and throw it at you twice twice. Like surprise you got close that chandelier. Lisa Nicole's like I've already thrown a glass at her. Do you have a picture? I can't. I won't. So I don't. But the best part but the funny part about this is not so much Quad saying I don't I'm not going to go to a party where Lisa Nicole is okay because that actually makes sense if if Jill saying I'm inviting everyone and Quad says well you know what I'm sorry I'm not going to go because I don't want to see Lisa Nicole that I don't take that from her but what I don't understand is that Jill said about five different times like basically if it's going to be an issue I won't invite her I'll invite you and Jill and Quad's like no I won't so I don't so I can't so I shant but I couldn't and I won't and then Jill's like I'm saying I would choose you over her. She was she was doing the serial woman she was doing it. I choose you over her. Well in that case I just cannot go if she's going to be there but she's not I choose you Quad and she's like okay well in that case I definitely can't be there because if she's definitely going to be there I definitely can't be there. No she's not invited well if she's invited then you count me out. Stop. And Jill's going so nuts you know her eyes are bulging extra like more than usual and Quad's like are you okay why are you raising your voice? I'm like oh don't gaslight her don't gaslight her so good because Quad got her crazy calm thing and she's like yeah all I'm saying to you is calmly as humanly possible is I will not be going to your pro inhabitation party when I can't inhabitate with a woman who has thrown acid in my face and then punched me and slashed me open like a fish in a tank. Jill's feels like what what does that even mean? What do you think? Jill is yelling now. Jill how many times does remind you me and Jill is the daffodil has it baby? You know what happens to daffodils right? They die. You know what happens daffodils right? They get into the pig's mouth that's going to the Oscars right? What? I don't understand you Quad. I cannot be in an arc filled with two kinds of animals five kinds of vodka and one kind of crazy. What? What does that even mean? Are you going to go with that? Jill there's a cactus in the trolley and it's heading to Minnesota if you know what I'm saying. No! I have no idea Quad! Jill there's some cutlery at Macy's and it's being shipped to the shoe store so you better get on you better get on the horse because it's heading to Paris. What? I cannot go to a party when there is a dealer's 40% off original press sale and there are so many presses scratched off those tags. I can't tell what the original press is. What does that mean? Are you coming or not? Stop yelling Jill. Stop yelling. Jill? Jill? Let me put let me put it to you clear to Jill. All right I'm Super Mario Brothers and you're yogurt all right and we're all we're all going to the bowling alley. Mario does a lot of things but spending time with yogurt is not one of them. Jill you better Mario land and yogurt land but what about yogurt planet? Stop yelling and changing the subject Jill. Jill? Jill? I got a spoon and I'm putting my froyo and I'm selling your froyo to go to the opera. I'm opening up a letter Jill and inside it is a rainbow and it's wrapped around me so take your prohibition and put it in the limousine. I will not be the crumbled oreo on top of your yogurt planet Sunday. Jill with grasses green and the cows come home. Do you understand what I'm saying Jill? No! Jill? Jill you got a hand blender in your hand and I'm telling you right now it's not going to work when it rains. It's supposed to rain. Oh it's raining honey and it's raining sneakers and jelly beans. All right Jill. How are we supposed to line dance in the backyard? Blink, blink, blink, blink. Oh my god that I'm like looking in front I'm looking frantically around my apartment for objects and things. Oh my god my land lady has been passing my door over and over again just like should I tell them to shut up? I've already made sure. That sounds like a quad thing. Jill you're sitting in the doorway and the land lady is walking by. Oh you're coming to the party? You can hose down that bush but it's still a watering time. What? Jill I am a boulder and you are a flagstone and you are out of the garden. If you know what I'm saying. Oh I actually think I do. Are you saying that I'm the path and you're the ground so you're the main event so you're more poorer than me? No I'm saying that nobody flies flagstones Jill. Do you understand what I mean? Jill! No! Jill you are a flintstone vitamin in an airplane and you know what happens to them. They go down the toilet. I would give you a flintstone spill but I touched it and it turned to gold. It would probably just kill you. You know what I mean? No! Oh my god okay can we just do this forever? Okay let's have Kim Richards come into it. Hey there's a prohibition party don't worry I got the hooch. Ah finally I'm gonna use that bathtub if they ever take the boards off the front door. No you're not invited Kim it's just for quad. Well I will not go somewhere where Kim Richards could throw a glass at me. Twice. Twice. What if that glass doesn't break and she picks it up off the floor and then throws it at me again. Are you gonna stop her the second time? Kim Richards is like a table fan in the middle of the paddleboard court. You know what I'm saying? No quad! Why is there a fan in the paddleboard court? Why are you playing paddleboard? No one plays paddleboard. Why quad? Why? Why are you yelling kill? I just want to know what's going on. I don't understand. That's always gonna be Jill's storyline. Something is going down and she doesn't even know why or how it started or why she's yelling at somebody. It's like the strip club all over again. I didn't do it. I have no idea what you're saying right now quad. Oh good. Well that ends that one. What else you want to talk about? I don't know. I'm impressed that we've found a way to crack each other up with this stupid show. This is what all the recaps are going to be from here on out. We'll talk about the show and then we're just gonna get the part. We're quad and Jill have an imaginary conversation. Well we already pretty much are doing quad the entire time saying stupid shit. There's nothing else on this show. I mean what are we gonna watch? Jackie chasing around some old man pooping on himself with the bull horn telling him it's too fat? Like leave him alone for Christ's sake. What you should have done is you should have hired no matter indeed affix your father. Poor Eugene. I wish we got this. Did we see Eugene? Because I don't think we did this week. I wanted to see how much weight he's gained. No there must have been an old country buffet that opened up. God bless his heart. Poor Eugene. He's stress eating. Stress is still vicious. I know if he went to fault line he would do very well. Listen his wallets. Oh I was gonna say his wallet's still the same size but it's probably not now. His wallet's losing weight while he's gaining weight and it's all because of Toya. Both things. Well he wanted to go eat his scarecrow sausage man. You don't rent the you don't rent the fleas of nicer house. You fucking kill them with medication done. But do you want to get wrong Eugene? By the way Toya's kids are also really cute. I'd like to add since you know it's funny this show I spent half the time saying oh their kids are so cute because it's like there's nothing going on with the adults. So all I have to do is be like oh look at Alora she's so cute and she's turning it she's she's going to such a beautiful young woman. And look at Toya's kids are really cute. They they lost the musical chairs ah because I have nothing to say about the adults. Well kids are always cute Hitler's kids were probably really cute. That's true too. Yeah. Kids are cute. Nobody ruined them. He didn't have no kids. He had no kids. I met my friend Michael's new baby the other day and I absolutely fell in love. I couldn't believe it. I normally am like babies are stupid. They don't laugh at me. They don't look at me. They just sit there. This baby bar I fed him. I held him at my arms and he barfed on me three times. It was so cute. I fell totally in love with him. And I just had this moment alone with him where I got to like look him in his like walking dead. You know how babies have like weird walking dead eyes and his little zombie eyes and I said we're gonna ruin you. Oh it was so nice. I actually don't find babies cute. Like I I find little kids cute because they have matters and stuff. I think little kids can be very cute. But babies I and I don't I don't give me this in a way to be like I hate babies although I just I don't connect with babies. But um I uh babies don't get me. I don't get my jokes. Well I don't have my own. I don't have my own. Maybe if I did. But um no but I it's just one of those things. Like I look at a baby. I actually don't find them to be like that cute. I feel I think I mean they look cute you know but I don't look at them. I'm like oh my god what a cute baby the way I do with like a puppy or kitten. Does that make sense? I know I sound like a terrible person. It's just it's not a judgment thing. It's just more of a it just like it doesn't spark that in me. It doesn't I don't I look at a baby I'm like oh look there's like a little creature with a circular face. Some babies are cute. Actually my friend I will say this wait my friend Michelle has a baby that I actively think is cute. I'm like oh that's a cute baby. That's a cute baby. You know people that hate babies like there's a lot of people who are like I hate babies. And I think that there is like something about their own childhood or like they resent babies because babies are getting more loved than they ever got or I don't know maybe they resent that they were one time so helpless too and now they think that they're not but they really are on the inside. There's like so much psychological stuff that goes on when you're actually because I mean even my own nieces I didn't I wasn't there when they were well one of them I was there when she was born. I guess I held her a little bit. I don't remember having the moment like I had with this baby where I was like oh my god I totally get it now. I totally understand I was like this little life force and like you can see everything that you had to go through and all this struggle you had to do too and like you just born into this world a helpless little goo thing and then you're so shaped by the world around you and I don't know it was so beautiful. Yeah I don't know I for me with babies I just feel very uncomfortable around them if that makes sense. Well then I think that you need to you need to open yourself up for bonding moment with baby because like Vicki says no I don't understand I don't like it because it's not yours. Why can't I why like why can't I just feel uncomfortable around babies and that's just that why people always like oh well you just need to spend more time with babies you need to hold the baby more I'm like no I don't want to because I get uneasy I'll tell you and I understand if I have my own baby I'm sure it will all go out the window but I am the type of person and I'm going to admit this and the end people may think I'm a terrible person for this but I actually get uncomfortable around babies I feel I don't know what to do you know to me they they like spit up and stuff or they their nose is running like I I actually find that to be gross it's not charming for me I don't I don't want any it's like a weird OCD thing like I don't like that and I have a hard time also I get stressed in the sense that you know if you're sitting and the baby is always like knocking something off the table always reaching for something or whatever I can't help but look at what the baby is reaching for and then I'm like the baby should not be reaching for that if the baby gets that terrible things will happen you know that my mind is always going in that place I just become uneasy and anxious it's hard for me to have a conversation over a baby because the baby is always doing something but it's like it's unpleasant for me to feel that way I don't think you're crazy or a bad person for feeling that way that it's totally normal I've always been the same way I mean with my own nieces I was like now I'll talk to her when she's two and she can get my jokes you know that's like my audience yeah but I also find that like when there's a baby around I can't have a real conversation with someone because the baby is always that it's always taking attention away in the sense that like it's knocked over a fork onto the ground it has to be picked up or whatever it's just it's hard to get in the for me it's hard to get in the flow and it's probably more on me because I'm getting distracted by the baby non-stop it's like if you've ever gone on a date a dog walking date like if you're like going up running canyon with someone and they have a dog and you're trying to have a conversation you get to know them but inevitably you have to stop because you have to call the dog or you have to like yeah there's someone pets the dog and I'm not saying you like dogs but there are just it's like distractions it's like so that's why I've just I have a hard time with babies I really I really do and I know that could all change and I am a sentimental gooble but when it comes to babies I don't connect I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry yeah one of the things I'm finding so beautiful about it I think is just maybe that it's such a close friend and that he's gay and I never really thought we could do that and so to see him doing it and still maintaining his personality so far it's only been a few weeks but still kind of maintaining his personality and his fun attitude but then also having to give everything up for the love of this baby who doesn't you know even know what he looks like yet or who he is or what any of this means you know like babies don't exactly grow up and say thank you so much for sitting there and letting me barf all over you and shit all over you and thank you for shoving that bottle down my throat even though I didn't want it and thank you for wrapping me like a burrito you know it's like kind of a selfless thing in a way even though people do it for self I think people sometimes have kids for selfish reasons because they want like a little version of them or they don't want to just die without their name going on or they want to just shoot a world without another karam or they want a distraction from their cheating stripper loving husbands Lisa Nicole yeah I think sometimes people do it for selfish reasons but in order to do it you know without nannies and stuff like that it's actually so selfless to not just eat the shit out of the baby or like just throw it away you know and people actually do it all the time they're like oh we found another toddler in a dumpster today outside of McDonald's and you know why because they were like fuck this this thing doesn't do shit it doesn't even say thank you after it shit's on me it's going in the dumpster you know and then they just throw it away and then you know I think that that's like the normal human reaction so when I see somebody like just being kind of selfless I don't know it was just my so it made me all warm and fuzzy inside no I mean I think the act of parenting and I think the act of like of like raising a child is like a very special thing and I think and watching a child grow up and getting mannerisms like it's always like oh my god that's so precious so wonderful you know but it's like a journey that I don't have an interest in going on if that makes sense oh no I don't either I don't I don't I have too much and part of it is because there are some people again who they see a baby and they do connect with it they think they they seem like their stars neurons or they see magic they they they know how to talk to the baby or they know how to handle it they they don't mind when the baby knocks over the fork and it doesn't bother them you know it's like it's it's like a nature it's like taking care of the baby is it's like that's it's wonderful and fulfilling to them as it and that's great but for me it isn't and I find that um I feel like I'm aligned often for that and that's my that's my journey I think yeah I think it's very natural to feel like that I think sometimes the reason people do bond or maybe one of the reasons I'm loving it is because just seeing the nature part of it like oh that's just natural you know like being being upset on a very basic instinctual level like I'm hungry and I'm sad and I'm sobbing or you know I don't know the real house is like literally pretty much they just think ourselves as little gooey animals and just remembering that yeah feelings you know I try so hard to read self-help books to get therapy or this and that to to make my feelings go away David and I just want those negative thoughts to stop and part of it is no that's life and negative thoughts don't stop and you're gonna be shitty and you're gonna want to sob and you're gonna want to shit yourself and sometimes you're going to and it's because you're a fucking human being and so maybe you can forgive yourself a little bit and just like relax and enjoy the ride because that shit don't last long that's for sure yes sorry yes sorry I don't know getting all deep on babies after marriage and medicine I've been talking for three hours I'm not gonna shut up I'm gonna go to Starbucks and talk to more people now yeah good um everyone thank you for listening uh we will be back later this week with another episode where we'll talk about real houses in New York City and probably a million dollar listing San Francisco um and uh we have a bonus episode up on patreon if you want to hear it uh and you are not a supporter then just head on over there patreon.com/watchwhatcrapins and if you support us there you will find a link to the bonus episode so um thank you everyone for listening thanks for liking us on facebook.com/watchforcrapins and we will talk to you later this week bye everyone bye-bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts Todd Glass flies a slice finger slicing driving friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza our very own Owen Benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com/waitforc comedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you on monday 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