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You guys, I was in the grocery store here in Texas and I was with my family and you know, I'm trying to behave or whatever. And I see the cover of Entertainment Weekly features Charlie Hunnam from Sons of Anarchy. All dirty with his hair like slicked back in a dirty face, you know, because they got to make him look rugged. He's so pretty. And he's holding a sword. He's going to be playing King Arthur. I wanted to run up to that magazine and make out with it. Okay, but I was with my family. I was in the store. I couldn't do that. I mean, I probably couldn't do that where I lived either, but I certainly wouldn't do it around my family. And I thought, you know what, hold it in telling because when you get home, you've got next issue magazine waiting on your iPad. I came home and I made out with that screen for an hour. Next issue, you guys get your free 30 day trial at next issue dot com slash crap ins. David Letterman, happy at last in Rolling Stone. When he stopped being miserable, he knew it was time to quit. You know how I read that on my next issue. Okay, we get more into our interests by seeking out authorities on them, like Esquire, Vogue, Sports Illustrated, Wired, anything Charlie Hunnam's in. There are so many magazines we've all come to trust. All the stories, news and photos from the most relied upon sources, instant unlimited access to the world's top titles on your tablets and phones. Next issue has the top titles for all interests. Are you in entertainment? We've got a dozen of those magazines from people. My personal favorite to Rolling Stone. Haven't redeemed yourself from putting Kim Kardashian on the cover, but I'm rooting for you to us weekly. Come on, you guys. Next issue delivers all the content, everything that's in the print editions on the same day they hit the new stands. Do you know how much a magazine costs right now? It costs like six, seven dollars, something ridiculous. Next issue is an incredible value. One subscription gets you so many magazines for as little as ten dollars per month. Okay? You can use it on up to five devices. It's easy to share with others. Get it. Get your free 30-day trial at nextissue.com/crapins. Now and read up, way up on all your interests. Nextissue.com/crapins. I love you, Charlie Hunnam. Please never leave me. That's what applause, bandart, the rules. Come and gather around and make fun of these cools. I'll podcast the brothel. No finger runs with brothel. I'm so clammy on my camera, bravo. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends? Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Crapins. Today's episode of Watch what Crapins was brought to you by premium subscribers, Claudia Catalina and Kristy Doherty. We love you girls. Now on to the show. Hello and welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcast, a podcast about all that crap we love to talk about, um, bravo. I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV and as usual, I'm here with the lovely gorgeous and now sun-kissed Ben Mandelker of the B-side blog and the banter blender podcast. Hello Ben. Oh, hi Ronnie, I'm feeling, I feel very sun-kissed, I feel actually like, sun-sexed. I'm a son of a lot of sun. All right, that's, I think that says a lot about who we are. You're able to receive the sun and I, all I can get from it is damage, you know? Just like with love, darling. All right. So everybody, we'll get our quick plugs out of the way. Thank you, Nate. CSU, by the way. Um, yeah. Thanks. Hello. Come to, if you guys want to talk to us, please come to Facebook.com/Watch what Crapins. We have live show threads there for the shows that we covered and all the listeners gather and just make us laugh our asses off. It's a really fun group of people and they have built a beautiful community that we just kind of read. So go check out what's over there. We, for all our personal Instagram and Twitter links, please go to Watch what Crapins.com. All of our stuff, it's just like grand, grand zero with all our links and stuff. I guess you, it's too soon to still say that right, grand zero. Um, what else being, oh, patreon.com. Yeah. Thank you so much to everybody on patreon.com. That is. Especially. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, don't worry. I have a big, I have a big special announcement that I recorded at the end for those, those two wonder twins. All right. Um, but you all come over to Patreon because that is where you can subscribe. We do this show twice a week now because of people at patreon and, uh, basically you subscribe there. The show's always remain free, but when you subscribe, we do a bonus episode every week. This bonus episode, we talked about the Caitlin Jenner show on E. We talked about internet trolls. Um, and me just finally saying who gives an F and we talk to them. And the lion. Cecil, the lion. Cecil, the lion getting killed in Zimbabwe by Arthur the dentist from Seeker's and Wives. Um, but most importantly, we, we talked about the new cast of below deck. Thank Tracy Swacy on our Facebook page sent us a link to the new cast and we went through every cast member of the new season of below deck. And then we watched the trailer on the podcast and we laughed about it. And I have to say, this was a very fun bonus. I'm so. I had a great sound. We had so much fun. Well. Anyway, that's patreon.com/watchwickcrap and so go there, sign up if you can. So we'll always remain free and the people who support that way are just as important as the people who support in the just listening way. I mean, we, we've grown more than we ever thought we would and it is fantastic and we're so happy and grateful. So thank you guys for that. And nothing could be more evidence of that than this past weekend when Ron and I were both in Austin for the crap by crap West 2015 festival. We had, I mean, we really had there were like, I think there had to be about 50 people there at least. And it was great. The outpouring the fact that all these people showed up for our podcast was really wonderful. It meant a lot to me. I assume you two wrong. Oh my God. I was really touched by it because, you know, we had, we'd only done one live podcast before and it was right when we first started. I think it was like our fifth or six episode, you know, and we did it at I/O and Tammy came out, Tamela, and that was, we had so much fun just having Tammy laugh, but to, to actually get to, you know, that was my uncle's restaurant, which I didn't know that that was like as hot as it was. Sorry. But it was hot as hell. It's an August summer day, or a July summer day. We were sitting in front of these big garage window things. So some was beating down. We were sweating all over the place. The audience looked like they were going to pass out. But just to be there in my uncle's place and my parents were both there and they brought ton of their friends. And I told them, please, you know, you guys, I'm kind of a horrible human being on the show. And I at least filter it when I'm around your friends, you know, and they were like, who cares? And they just came and everybody had so much fun and it was so cool to see my family out there like laughing and kind of getting into it and getting it. And then meeting you guys was so amazing. Yeah. Love meeting people. Like we just mentioned Tracy Swayze, but that link up, it's so great because we met Tracy Swayze. And we know what she looks like now. Yeah, I was partying with Tracy after you left. We just stayed and party for a long time. We had so much fun. We left our ass off. And you know what? All of you guys, Nancy, I can't remember everybody's name, but Nancy, Daisy and your hot fiance. So many great people. Yeah. And we met Kesar Karen. She met pins for us. She made Watch What Crapins, Crap My Crap West Pins. That's the pin that you see on episode 205 that episodes are working. So good. Kat flew all the way from Chicago and her friend came from Boston and they got his TJ Maxx card so we can get our own like, you know, wrought eye. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. So it was really, it was really wonderful to those of you who weren't able to be there. I hope the audio quality and the podcast is okay. We sort of had a weird audio set up because we had like, we had two microphones for the PA system. And that was originally supposed to then the PA system that feed is supposed to go into the computer. So that way it would just sound to you guys at home, it would sound like the way this one sounds. But unfortunately that didn't work. So we had to set up like a third microphone. Everything was like sort of messed up. So as usual, as is tradition, we will get the, we will get our live audio sound better. So thank you guys for tolerating us. It was just such a weird time. Like everybody was in a heat box. It was hell, but everybody stayed and had so much fun. And then just like, honestly, and I don't even mean to be, to sound like a dick, but just the fact that nobody was crazy. Like everybody was so intelligent and cool and funny and just came down for a good time. Like there was no weirdos. I mean, I was afraid maybe there was going to be someone there to stab me, you know, because I deserve it. But so many great people. So thank you guys. Really, you gave us a very special day. And actually along those lines, one of our listeners who came Megan Stout, she came and she gave us a copy of a children's book that came out in 1998. This book, some of you may know, it's called No David, no David and it's written by someone literally named David Shannon, David. So I'm going to read it because it has like five lines, you know, but there it's, it could not be more perfect. Like Megan, this thing is brilliant. This, this is like, if Shannon, if Shannon Bator actually wrote a children's book, it would be this. So the, the preft, it says on the side, it says, like I'm the little flappy thing. It says, when David Shannon was five years old, he wrote and illustrated his first book on every page with these words, no David, and a picture of David doing things he was not supposed to do, you know, like going to one of the many restaurants at his mistress, he took his mistress to now David is all grown up, but some things never change. So this is, this is no David. This is story time when Walter Crapins, David's mom always said, no David, no David, no David, no David, no, no, no, no, come back here David, David, be quiet, don't play with your food. That's enough David. Go to your room, settle down, stop that this instant. Put your choice away, not in the house, David. I said no David, David, come here, yes David, I love you, that's the entire book, could not be more perfect. That's so good. And it ends with David, why are you holding a suitcase, David, I just love, it's a book of someone berating David and at the end they ask for love and return, David, I love you. I've only had 40 to 50 negative thoughts while you were tipping over them, David, when you brought that baseball in the bat into the living room, I only had 30 negative thoughts that day. Because you reminded me of your bat, stop reminding me of what your bat being hard when it's out of the house, David, David, cut down the bat, David, no I won't put the bat away David, I will not put the bat inside of me until I've learned to stop thinking all these negative thoughts, David, David, David. So this is a good opportunity for us, I think, to start talking about real housewives of Orange County. I have to say something first, actually maybe we can save this till Thursday because we're a little light on shows, but maybe Thursday we can talk about all these previews that have come out for the manzo show and then I saw a, what else were they showing previews for this week? There was another one, Tardy for the parties coming out now. Oh my god. Well, that's great. I hadn't seen the preview from that. There was something else awful, oh, work out, can't wait, work out. Oh, I'm excited for that. Oh my god, personal trainers fighting. And then we, we also should announce that this week, we will be adding million dollar listing San Francisco, which neither one of us, I don't think have watched it. Oh, you've watched it. First, I mean, we're basically just adding it until better shows come around, not better shows, but like funnier shows to recap because basically for the next episode, we have real households in New York City. And that's it because there's no more secrets and wines, paralyzed, paralyzed, paralyzed. John, I think just to get thumb up Andy Cohen's asshole, why aren't we getting a reunion? He's like the only one who wouldn't have made that a storyline. He would have been like, that was great. Thanks. Finally. Hey, off the season two is going to be on Insta. Did you hear? It's on Insta. He's like, all you hear is his car zooming away. That was one thing about that live episode by the time we talked so much about New York and it was so hot. We took like an hour of something to talk about New York that by the time we got to secrets and wines, we had to speed through it because people looked, it looked like awakenings in there. Have you seen that? Yeah. Yeah. It was just awakenings. Like it was sad. Like we had to get out of there. It's okay because we asked, I think before we started talking about it, we were like, who here was watching Secret's and Wives, it was like, I don't know, it was like, I don't know. It was like, I don't know. One person. Okay, so we'll speed through this. Yeah. So anyway, sorry, Secret's and Wives. We'd love to in your terribleness and we owe to you more, but hey, you didn't even get a reunion. So by bitches, by the way, someone said that some of the Secret's and Wives women listen to us, whatever, Gail apparently favorited some of our tweets, which I don't understand because we, we just make fun of Gail like none other. Like we just go off on Gail and she's like, I'm just going to blazer on it. The episode that we were talking about season being gross for like going down on her prison husband in a McDonald's parking lot after he came out, we were like, we just were ragging on her that whole time. She followed us and then Crapin's quotes at Crapin's quotes on Twitter who love her or him. I think it's her. I don't know who it's a robot. She makes like memes of our of her favorite quotes from the show love it. And so I love to read those and I retweeted one. And one of them was about one of us was saying something about Susan, like, Oh, you remember that show when Susan got the makeover, she doesn't. She retweeted it. I'm like, she's like, this made me feel nauseous. You feel nauseous. She's like, you know what? I may not agree with what you said, but at least you got a job. You know what these podcast they need to do, they need to get a job, get a job. Maybe a nauseous on your first day at work. It's okay. So just to be official, seekers and wives, goodbye. We enjoyed you. We love you. Love. Please don't get any classier before you're not picked up ever again. And we never see you. Please let them be picked up. They won't be right. They won't know. No, absolutely not. But it's a shame because they were so good and I don't understand how some of these other shows, like, man's owed with children, come back for a second season, and then a gem like secrets and wives doesn't. And by the way, everyone I've spoken to who watches secrets and wives loves it. So they're there. And by the way, they should bring back gallery girls because, you know what, gallery girls I think has actually become a cult classic. Even BuzzFeed, like a few months ago, did a list of like, remember the gallery girls? These were our favorite. They did like a whole one of their gift posts all about gallery girls. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. Bring it back. Okay. So let's start with real housewives of Orange County. Yes. It started with Megan preparing for her big game night. And she was like cleaning things around her living room while her stepdaughter, Haley was like pussing around. Can I say something about Haley? Yeah. Um, you know what, Haley, the way she dresses with sort of like a t-shirt and her like her hair in this, like her like dyed hair and like a beanie. She looks like the Disney channel version of like an alternative, alternative girl. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It doesn't really look like, you know, you know, the people who are really like, you know, like they're Silver Lake, Brooklyn, whatever, you know, and she's like trying to be a, you know, but she's like the first version of like East Hollywood hipster. Yeah. And it also looks like one of the bad kids from The Simpsons. You know how there's that bad kid here that she reminds me of. So Megan's getting this party together. Listen, when you open with a statement necklace and that statement is overwrought gigantic and something you could never afford on your own, you know, this episode is going to be fun. Mm hmm. Because what a way to open. And she's inviting all the ladies who her main trouble with these ladies is that she's way younger than them. And all the resentment that she's gotten from the ladies so far has been because she's younger than them. They even call her Miss 30 year old and she calls them like old hags or whatever already. Yeah. And so what does she do for the theme of her party? She makes it a kid's theme and she has big giant lollipops and jelly beans and Hello Kitty stickers and like, you know, pre puberty things like, I don't know, what are pre puberty things? I don't even remember. Well, maybe we can talk about the decor that she was like, I'm going to, I'm going to make this place like all cool for game night. She's like, I'm going to go for, I'm going to go with like a rainbow decor and then it cut to her. It's basically a coffee table with a bunch of smarties strewn about. Yeah. It was like the worst. People are going to put, you know, one person puts their finger in this end and then the other person puts their finger in the other end and then they're stuck because it's like a finger trap. But it's not. We're going to bond. It's a Chinese, it's a Chinese finger trap. It's really global. Listen, one thing we can all bond about is not understanding how Chinese things work. Okay. I want to put some blow pops on the table. Make it look like really adult. Listen, weight loss drugs and GLP ones are all anybody's talking about right now. They're everywhere, but it's confusing to figure out how to get them, but it doesn't have to be through hymns and hers. 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I thought that that was a total bitch news she's like let's make it a child thing because these women are old and then she's talking to Haley and she's telling us yeah I was really mad when Haley didn't do her homework right and so I'm going to have to find a different way to get through to her um switch or coke out with some addy maybe lady like what other way are you going to get and Haley's just like um your dad your dad your nickname should be mom door instead of mother dirt or mom so she loves me no Megan I have bad news for you you're never going to be able to discipline Haley you're too young you're just a trophy wife she's Haley's been down this path before your wife number three she knows what she can do what she can't do and it's Jim is the only one who could maybe discipline her so just give it up and just be friends there and go and shop it with Haley and then anytime anything goes wrong just be a step monster but until then there's nothing you can do so give it up and stop crying about it she's not even trying to discipline her it's so funny because she's obviously just doing it for TV she's like listen Haley here's some advice you should know about a party but starting before 10 at night if you find out a party about a party at 11 at night it's just bad manners you can't do that you have to know at least by 10 it's like wow good job mom she's like I came home last night and you hadn't turned the polluter off like that's not cool wow wow that's you are really getting to the bottom of this and Haley's like whatever my dad didn't say that and she's like yeah well me and your father are a team you know cuz sports we're like a team this is a team effort until he trades me for a new player and I get a severance package but until then you better get a call before 10 like wow yeah yeah it's like you know Jimmy like we are a team like he's like the baseball player and I'm like the person in the stands giving out hot dogs we're totally a team love it so that's how it begins and I was watching this of course while my mother was drinking and playing can asked her with my dad behind me and I was like hey can I just leave myself on here to record what you say so she wasn't actually recording it but I mean she wasn't actually saying anything too bad but a couple of times she goes what do you watch this shit nothing even happens it's a point all right you don't understand the symbolism of lollipops and jelly beans it's actually brilliant what's happening right now you just don't get it I'm sorry you haven't put in the effort to understand it penny no so then we went over to Heather who is popping bottles of champers but I do believe that she was not popping a bottle of her method chimp and was oh god she and Terry were going shopping in the middle of the day it was sort of like a date for us because disgusting because the thing is that they've got she's got shot for a Tahiti so she goes so what I hate is that Heather once again does this stupid thing where she's like saying why she's really enjoying this because any free time I have I'm getting stuff at the house tiling flooring doorknobs it's like Heather don't act like this is a struggle that you have to deal with like on like as if you've been struck this bad hand of luck like you brought this on yourself you decide to build a giant mansion you're just filling yourself up with this bullshit like I don't have any sympathy for you I know it's like it's so hard building a mansion and look I mean finally me and Terry have some time to go spend more money that you can't afford things on look our shirts are 400 dollars oh so hard being red yeah isn't this great let's go to the diamond store like cunt do you have oh my god I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry but it's Heather it's it okay but it's Heather I'm sorry you guys I really didn't mean to do that but bitch seriously all you do is brag about your money no one cares stop it you have durable face okay fix that fix it fix your trouble face I just I just don't feel bad when you don't have free time because you are micromanaging the latest installment of marble you know like I don't feel bad about that it's like it's really hard oh time and story yeah Terry let's go let's go to the diamond star and the guy in the diamond store is like oh you know who wanted to buy this stupid diamond clock with two balls being knocked together for no reason over and over again for the rest of his life Jim Bellino you know what I love is that before he said Jim Bellino and Terry lost all interest in that clock I was like I can't believe Terry wants to is interested in his clock because back earlier in the month I was in a store that was like selling all these expensive crazy clock like the one that would that he was looking at and I was like who buys these clocks like they're they're all like five thousand dollars they're giant and like shiny and gaudy and they're weird and I'm like who buys these stupid ass clocks who waste their money on this that's like oh Terry to bro yeah someone who needs like a visual representation of their feelings of their balls just crushing together for the rest of their life by sub-bitch in a diamond yeah they're like look at theirs or they just need a reminder of how much time they have left before they can fall for divorce god for socially acceptable counting down like when is it five years cuz isn't it like you get more money after five years like people stay for five years cuz you get a bigger percentage or some shit love it I also started to laugh because the clock guy when when Heather said they're going to to to he'd he's like oh you guys going to Maria and I was like yeah and I was like oh that must really hurt for Heather because last episode there was like the only one at the table that didn't know where Maria was he was like is that the name of the hotel they're like no it's not like are you sure it's not the hotel like no it's an island they're like get over at Heather you don't know what Maria is and now even the clock guy I know what Maria is I know but she's learned how to say it and then she's found another confusing word just to see if she can trip somebody else up so she doesn't feel as stupid she's like oh we're going to Bora Bora Popiate and then we're going to Mariah and then we're going to Popiate and and then we're gonna stop at Popiate and then possibly we'll take a boat and Popiate and have lunch in Popiate before we go back to Mariah which nobody cares about but you know Popiate and he's like yes durable faced rich bitch who doesn't do shit with her fucking lights except try and make poor people feel bad for not living in a mall you know where you're gonna put the sabaro Heather that's the dying question we're all dying to know stupid Heather I hate her I'm filled with rage yeah well then we then went to game night game night finally was happening Megan actually hired host for this which is the most excessive thing I've seen for a game night like who needs hosts who does that who does that and I love that these game night people are paid all this money and all they really do is throw some dollar store candy on the table and then go okay just play the newlywed game like yeah that's you know that's a game show on television you didn't invent that you know that right what I loved is so a bunch of people came Lizzie showed up and I was like oh what's the first game gonna be how long can Lizzie sit at a table before she starts to whine you know oh my god when they showed Lizzie's first close up in the confessional my mom made a visible like like a literally shocks I said what she goes what happened to her I said oh she did it on purpose and she said no one does that to themselves on purpose what happened like did the doctor slip was he like holding a scalpel and then like using a pogo stick what happened everything is too much so it up Lizzie so it up poor Lizzie you know and the thing is that we made fun of Lizzie so much and I like I actually like Lizzie and I feel like she's actually really smart but no Lizzie it's just not worth that if you watch you watch way too much housewives if you can what Lizzie and be like yep she's a smart one well she is she is smart she just she just tends to whine you know but she is the smart one she was valedictorian don't forget that oh my god it doesn't count when you had a different face all right your DNA changes I'm sorry all right so Lizzie's first and I said that's a bad sign when Lizzie's the first one at your party so of course the husband is like hey where's Jimmy so the big theme of this is ever the producers like don't forget to ask where Jimmy is and also because it's a couples night party he's like where's Jimmy where's Jimmy where's Jimmy where's Jimmy you guys know Jimmy ain't there y'all know Jimmy ain't ever gonna be there why is everyone acting shocked that Jimmy is not there well I my favorite part of all this is that Shannon then goes off to the side she's like I just think it's weird that her husband isn't here I just think it's like she's like Shannon is the lighting in the fact that she can start some shit she can be shady off to the side where where's Jimmy maybe he's at one of David's band restaurants David David did you know the restaurant did you tell him about the restaurant that you took your mistress to David number one and then Megan I'm getting sick of not knowing when he's coming home you married someone who's never there you have his credit card like what the fuck are you missing exactly get over yourself so sick of this alright so Shannon comes in she has those confused eyes like hi she doesn't even say hi she goes hi hi she does hi yeah she was like looking around I love that like when she walks in she goes there's like a hallway and then she's like there's some part where there's like some doors and like other hallways and she's like darts her eyes dart back and forth as if she's about to be attacked by some like booby trap from Raiders of the Lost Ark like where is there dying ball David I read I know how these 30 year olds are I've seen scream before you know what they're gonna start wearing masks and running around the kitchen taking people out I'm not gonna stand for it I'm not gonna stand for it David I'm not gonna fall for it again okay miss 30 year old I see what you're up to here you have three different hallways for me to choose from I see you trying to make me look stupid aren't you well I don't charity is it I started hallways I brought some more wine from the charity event that you didn't invite me to just in case you didn't get to take the last wine back I brought some candy for the poor people just in case you decided to dis invite me after I'd already entered the room so they can get it this time right in time they don't have to wait like the poor last poor people and have no wine to drink now so congratulations miss 30 year old people are having their chicken dinner with no wine I hope you're happy live and learn but then anyways Shannon started again she started to shade Megan some more I think it was in the confessional where she was like David's not in town I'm not having a couple's party of David's not in town she's like I mean I we can barely function as a couple when he broke in town David David is not that who would have not who would have a couple's night when David's out of town um that's probably when you should be having a couple's night because then you can actually account for the women in your life and you know they're not all fucking David David I like when they cut to Shannon and the confessional right when she started and she gives like a high clap she's like clap clap clap yay I actually got an invitation this time rolls her eyes you know she's such a bitch man Shannon I love when she gets ornery I love it I love that these old women are just about to rip the rest of the cartilage left in Megan's poor anorexia ravaged body Vicky's just like listen there's still little it's like when you got a wing you got a suck a dry it looks like there's no meat left just suck it off of there until it's done and then chew on the bone for a while and when you can't chew anymore then spit it out Jesus what you gotta do is you just have to squeeze Megan like a lime it on delay is just squeeze her eye that I actually I'm surprised that Megan has gotten such a free ride so far this season and it feels like they're finally like it's like Vicky I'm jumping ahead a little bit but I feel like Vicky suddenly had this realization like oh wait a second she's young and she's pretty and she's new and she doesn't work why haven't I started attacking her yet oh my god yeah she's like I've only said a couple of real you know real world things kind of under my breath I mean what the heck am I doing this girl's running free she's having a good night who had the game night so anyway so game I started doing the newlywed game and this started like probably the funniest part of the episode for me because you know newlywed newlywed games newlywed game but of course I created some design just to not answer any time they were like not in sync Shannon took it so personally I mean she doesn't she realized the point of the newlywed game is that the funniest part is when you're not in sync oh yeah but everybody else was totally in sync and I love and all of their answers are just all you have to do in that game is say like every answer is like my wife's hot or I want to fuck my wife or my wife's tits are the best tits on the body like that's how you answer in that game but everything he just put the opposite the worst answer and meanwhile Vicki's on the couch like doing that snore thing and they had they had a whole thing about Vicki snores and showed a whole montage of when Vicki's trying to control the situation by just pretending she's sleeping around I know listen if Vicki did that if I had her over for a game I should did that I'd be pissed too because they're like ruined the vibe but watching it on TV it was really funny and Megan's like who does that it's classless and rude it's classless that's classless but this a newlyweds game so we're the answers do you remember the first question because I was laughing so hard I didn't write it down so the the first major one there are a few ones that didn't really matter but the first major one was um they asked the guys this they said whenever I want to blank she wants to blank so Shannon wrote while one out she predicted that David would say whenever I wanted to go to sleep she wants to make whoopee which is hilarious that she said make whoopee miss 30 year old I have some manners I don't say sex I say whoopee because Shannon's so sexual she's like oh I just can't stop jumping all over David I'm sure she probably like has like a silver tray with a like an embossed invitation that says what you like to make whoopee tonight so uh she's probably got like some kind of like luck on her vagina that counts the negative thoughts it's like if I've had less than 873 negative thoughts today one click opens if you can get five clicks open and not sleep with a stranger my vagina will open right up David it'll be a fun before bed David David and then I'll be and then I'll be whoopee time um by the way you know it's a great way to make sure you're cheating husband does not want to have sex with you by calling it whoopee whoopee so um it's also fine you never have sex who calls it whoopee you know what whoopee's dude they're they fart whoopee cushions or they make no sense like on the view it's kind of fucking girls you your husband needs to be fucked drop the whoopee the only time David says whoopee is when he says whoopee I don't have to have sex with Shannon tonight whoopee she believes that I have a flat tire on the freeway we've got another two hours wrap it around me and ride it like a horse girl so anyway so Shannon predicted that David would say whenever I want to go to sleep she wants to make whoopee but what David wrote is whenever I want to go to sleep she wants to talk David David David why would you say that you know that when I talk it's my wife saying I want to have whoopee David David I don't always talk David David David the key to my honest through talking David David talk David why aren't you talking right you're talking right you're talking right you're talking David I don't want to talk I'm just trying to dispel the remaining 30 negative thoughts I may have for the rest of the evening so then it gets even worse because then the next major question is it was something like are you more or less romantic than you were a week after you first met so Shannon writes more she predicts that David would write more and David writes less and he probably thinks he's probably trying to win which by the way that's very reasonable that you might be less romantic than you were a week after you met similarly he probably was predicting what she thinks that he would say so he writes less and she like loses it she gets all quiet and she's like I'm gonna cry right now I'm gonna cry right now she's like David says he's more romantic than he's ever been he says that we'd never be where we are today and then you say less then you say less less oh David oh that's right those negative thoughts I'm going there oh I'm going there because he's like please don't go there so I'm going there David I am going there who would say that how would you do that how could you think that how this is the kind of stuff we talked about so thanks how is she thinking that he's gonna say more romantic Shannon honey she was at some railroad level number three I mean she was she was having a full meltdown at game night and it was amazing and then there was a good there was like kind of a good part that happened that just happened to catch she's like David I'm gonna cry now I'm gonna go there and then her dragon bracelet falls off oh I was like oh my god that is such a sign girl David look just go I mean if you're not in love and you're just not gonna make any effort you know he's still like cruising past the beach looking for anybody who looks like they might need a paint job on their car or you know maybe get their tuition paid he's just like does anybody need an old penis anybody I've got plenty of old person money just come to me even if he doesn't even have sex with that person he sees on the beach he's just hoping to meet someone so that way he can go back to Shannon be like hey Shannon remember that girl that uh that I that we talked to once I met her at the beach today and then she could just shit herself in the kitchen again yeah I mean even if it's just somewhere to stay I don't even think he's looking for sex at this point his penis probably doesn't even work anymore it's probably terrified yeah it doesn't want to come out you know it's like is someone talking out there or someone talking out there I just want to go to sleep um it's not even impotence where it can't get up it's like inverted it's like probably hitting the back of his spine I bet you anything he's got lower back problems right now with his dick like in reverse bone or mouth knocking into his tailbone he just looks like his big just wants to run away man he's fully Caitlin Jenner so then Shannon basically she just she just basically channels all of this like um all of this emotion into body shame because then they somehow then there's pizza and she's like I'm not gonna eat the pizza I'm just gonna smell it and then I'll feel full hmm David David if I was then now if I was then her David would have said making guppy but he didn't because I'm fat my arms hang and I'm gonna show people that you can still get your husband to answer properly in the newlyweds game on the dollar store notebook by losing weight I'm sorry I'm sorry I don't have the body of Miss 30 year old but the but the best I can do is just smell the pizza fit is the new it's really sad when your husband would rather have sex with strangers than you die it by Shannon Peter so then so then oh actually I'm sorry for interrupting you but this just reminded me of something um a couple of people have said uh worth who hard on Shannon and making fun of this look the joke isn't that Shannon got cheated on okay the joke is that Shannon is her own worst enemy and basically turning who's supposed to be her best friend into a fearful sob sobbing mess I don't even think David cheated because he needed to have sex with somebody else I think he just needed to think you know for this one day I want to not be brow beat by all of the women in my house not be berated not told I'm a loser not told I'm poor the guy probably just needed a hug and you know sometimes if a giant is around a penis can feel like a penis hug you know that's all the guy needed you know it's all one-sided is all I'm saying I'm not saying he deserves the right to cheat I'm just saying you know he probably just needed some emotion somewhere yeah Shannon is probably one of my all-time favorite housewives me too because she first of all she's totally paranoid and she can't like you said she's her own worst enemy she can't get out of her own way um and perhaps deservedly so I mean if you've been cheated on that is traumatic but watching her have these moments of panic uh these moments where she just can't help herself and she says these things he's almost overly analytical um observations about herself or David her nagging it's actually so real because you can't control her emotions that I I love it I think it's she is very authentic in that way yes too much so to the point where I went over her marriage but yeah great for tv I mean just to do all of that on tv you know okay so then um we got stuck on Shannon but the rest of this party Megan really you know Vicky was snoring and wanted to go and yes she was being a horrible bitch and she's always mean to the young girl we all know that and yes the old ladies are hounding Megan kind of for no reason but let's not pretend that Megan's innocent here either people yeah Megan Megan is uh she is a spoiled brat and I can understand this you know some seasons I feel like Vicky is totally nasty like when Gretchen first came around when uh Lizzy first came around when various others first came around Vicky was just fully nasty to them like above and beyond and I felt like it was kind of undeserved but I feel like Megan she's like a spoiled brat like I get it I get why they're being nasty because she's just she's vapid and she's spoiled and she's entitled she's also uh she's off you know anybody who's done it which obviously I've never been a housewife but just watching these shows for long from their point of view I think they can see exactly what she's doing it's so obvious her first fight was with Shannon Shannon said you know she went after Shannon for some stupid phone call who says who says she went out well you know really I'm really offended and Shannon's like I'm sorry and she's like well I'm still offended like she basically tried to you know start this big public fight with Shannon to get some airtime so that's how she starts so everybody knows that she's a vapid bitch who's just coming after airtime she obviously is and then on the drama episode I'm sorry to interrupt but the drama is also in Megan's life the things that she's crying about just don't they're just these women have been through things that are way worse than Megan's gone through and and it just I think it just seems childish in a sense or immature oh totally and then Megan's obviously barbing at them when it's not even proper how are you that but egging mom she's poking them whenever she you know says things about what it's like to be 30 or having a party where everything's like kid themed when their whole fight is about age or then bringing the the conversation to oh you guys I'm gonna get Botox I'm getting Botox for the first time because I found a wrinkle and a wrinkle it's right here can you see it you guys and Shannon's like that's called an expression Megan yeah no she is she's totally egging them all listen lady keep your poking keep poking at me Megan keep it up because she told because she told her Megan you have judgy eyes you have judgy eyes right now you have judgy eyes your eyes have been Botoxed to judgy face judgy eyes you're like well miss judgy eyes needs to go find my coat listen lady keep your poking keep poking at me I just know when she goes Megan Megan listen lady keep your poking keep poking at me Megan Megan so funny judgy eyes and Heather goes yeah you know it's really weird because everybody's always told me that Vicki's like me to the new people and I've never I mean she wasn't that way with me but now I kind of see what they mean Heather she wasn't that way with you because you are no threat girl she is mean to the young hot blonde people you're not one of them you're some durable face to be list actress with more money than Vicki could ever even dream about having so she ain't gonna fuck with you there and she's not jealous of you you're stealing nobody's husband now take your durable face and go get lost in a Louie store because I'm sick of looking at you and I'm sick of listening to you stupid vapid twat well you know here's yeah here's the other thing about Heather I mean you know I mean she does things that I cannot stand but I also feel like Heather is a smarter woman than Megan a lot a lot of these people there is something about Heather that commands respect in a weird way like she doesn't even though she she is very self-involved and she does not live in the real world you know I understand why Vicki Vicki did not go after her because you know not only is she no threat but Vicki's main thing is she really hates when she sees a hot young girl just leaching off of someone's money and Heather sort of presents herself in a way that like yeah I may be leaching off of someone's money but I'm like smart so therefore I sort of like I earned this leaching position by by being smart somehow you know I'm saying it's hard to say and I think no I think you said it well and I think that also something that might have a what a lot something I might have something to do with it my sentence again but um is that Gretchen comes on Gretchen is absolutely hilarious oh like she was hilarious on the show and especially when she came on her storyline was amazingly funny she's dating this old man she's like yeah I mean she's charismatic she's funny and those cameras were always on her at that time this was pre-slayed and it pre-slayed Gretchen was fantastic everyone looked so funny and so she got jealous because of that and she gets jealous when these new charismatic people come on because Vicki wants to be the star Heather's no threat Vicki probably thought Heather was a one-season wonder and I cannot believe Heather's even stole on this show she doesn't she adds nothing also Heather Heather was wealthier than Vicki which I'd like to add oh I said that already yeah she's got her money yeah she's too rich Vicki will never go up against someone richer than her yeah I noticed that Shannon she didn't go up against Shannon when she first met Shannon she loved Shannon immediately yep although how could you not but um so what I loved about this party this by the way this is a terrible party like nothing happened in it and I love that at a certain point everyone's like oh gotta go gotta wake up early yeah I was gonna wake up at 4am gotta wake up early you know it was like 7pm and they're all like oh yeah I'm so sorry gotta wake up well then if I make candy you know the you know the meal was like happy meals or some shit she's like come on everybody let's see who got a hamburger to wait oh fuck off miss 30 year old I've got to go home yeah look at the stupid early bird she looks like Shannon yeah she's like okay okay early birds thanks for coming to game night you get a 10 discount on your denny's grand slam so enjoy it I got fuck off miss 30 year old going home I'm going home to see if David can open the whoopi vault have have you ever noticed that mayor McCheese has really judgy eyes like Shannon okay so then we've already talked about Shannon so much but next is hotel therapy I know this this therapist clearly did not want the cameras in her practice they had to go to a holiday and to shoot the therapy session yeah um and it was it was kind of like a weird session because the therapist was like listen you two will not equip to talk about the affair without someone else present so anytime the affair comes up don't talk about it Shannon's like but I have not got a thoughts 50 to 80 of them that's too bad you gotta just talk talk about moving forward that's all you can do you're not about the press just talk about this without me and David looks you know he just listened to game night all night long last night and now he has to listen to this shit and now and Shannon's like well here's the problems we're having when things come up that spark memories about the affair that's when I get negative thoughts and then they show the golf cart like passing everybody in the golf cart i was at sushi dying whenever there's a memory everything reminds you of it she'll be like oh someone left a window open just like that slept left her legs open you crawled right in didn't you David David never used to like the window open that was and that was the golf cart argument was that he got like another drink at the sushi bar and she's like David never used to drink and now he drinks ever since he started having the affair and now he drinks David never used to go on Gmail I made him get rid of Gmail because that's the email that he used to contact his mistress David David like everything everything and the shrink is just like okay look she's trying to help David she's like look no more talking about the affair you're not equipped all you do is break down and have fifth and David looks like he's either going to cry or like polar Russell okay he's not happy and he goes well what's the point of therapy like what what are we even doing in therapy if we're not going to be equipped to talk no no no he was saying what's he saying that no he was saying there she was saying when you guys are alone don't talk about it in that way because it's going to be destructive she's basically saying talk about it in therapy and he's like well I don't like going to therapy because then we get into a fight and I it's like I don't want to get into a fight like what's the point of going to therapy if all we do is fight and so then the therapist was basically telling Shannon you like you have to like start working on moving forward if you're going to accept him back you start working forward and David has to sort of because David has David doesn't want to talk about these things in therapy because it's always going to be a fight etc etc so my favorite party so my favorite part was then Shannon was like you know I just have to work through the healing and David has to work through the shame a shame he feels from cheating on me David it doesn't look like he's suffering from shame he looks like he's suffering from what the fuck am I even doing back here I packed my bags I made it out and I got lured back in I should have just ran and then counselor tell Shannon if David can't even be honest look David can't even be honest he doesn't want to help so I can't help him so that's it we're gonna have to do this privately and you know what that's probably the better idea because David's already over it he fucked a girl it was the best time of his life he put it on a poster board with glitter like he was running for the board of co-op and you know he's done with it he's over it like you calm you're done okay it's not the same thing as for a woman she is never going to forget that ever David David I have a new question for the newlywed game do you have more or less shame than you did a week after you met me David answer honestly oh my god all right let's drop Shannon for a while because oh yeah that's that's all that really I mean I want to cheat on Shannon at this point no I love Shannon I will always be I will always be faithful to her um so then they go to then now it's time to go to Tahiti so now they're packing Heather takes us through her packing process and she goes well you know when you fly commercial those bags go flying everywhere I'm like oh my god shut up she acts like flying commercial is like steerage in like 1910 on the Titanic like it's just madness like her version of commercial flying is there's like a chicken loose in the cabin you know there's like spoons and like there's someone pedaling you know junk to everyone in the sea like that like some bizarre and turkey you know I like that thus for a momenting the stone yeah that's what she is just like you know she's wearing a big hat and she's like you know what she's doing she's totally doing betmiller in the subway and big business because she takes her she experiences herself and the homeless people next to her yes so funny she's like I wrap everything in paper and I it's like she thinks in commercial that I mean she thinks and when she's flying private she probably does like have like little Asian children down there just like strapped over her bags to protect them you know yeah I mean I get it I I am not making fun of her packing techniques I support that if I had the patience and tissue paper to do what she does I would totally do that I'm actually like really obsessed with like better packing techniques but I just think it's ridiculous that she talks about flying commercial as if like it's just pandemonium down there like they just like are like taking a baseball bat to every piece of luggage that goes on the plane it's really important that you put paper in your clothes when you're packing them because if you fold in with paper in the middle the chest of the shirt isn't touching the stomach of the shirt I mean these shirts are $400 you don't want the chest fabric touching the stomach fabric because they'll intermingle and then boom you're done you're done you look gonna look like a poor person listen I get it I mean she's paying like a lot of money for these clothes I have like a shirt from Forever 21 that I just bought that I really liked and I put it into my bag over this weekend as if it were like made of like angel dust or something like that I was like oh careful with like white gloves you know but you're poor that's a difference like for you it's like a different to have this really nice expensive shirt and you want to treat it right Heather wears these one time and then like shoves them off to the nanny to sew quilts you know to like hold Collette in her room or something she's like make another quilt with little little hooks on the end so we can hook them to the little eyes and keep Collette in her you know a cabinet room for a while oh that's why she bought a fishnet I want Collette to be able to breathe that like this goes into the collection and Tamara is just like emptying out old navy bags into some glad bags shove in the back of a station wagon I know and then they moved to Shannon pill she was also packing a paper but they're all of her pills it's like yeah it's like 30 days worth of pills and she's telling David what pills she's gonna take and she's like well I'm taking this one for the trauma David and then I'm taking this one for the shame that you feel David I hope that you feel something for this because I'm gonna poop at some of your shame David and then I'm taking this one for all of the pain I'm gonna feel while I'm going through the traumatic pill it's the optimum this is the optimism serums that way I have optimistic gods instead of the 40 or 50 negative thoughts I have about you David David David do you feel shame right now oh she read the back of that as she goes David this one brings optimism a piece of mind when anguish overwhelms you and you can find no way out and then she looks at him like see and then puts it on the thing oh my god these are some eye drops that will apparently give me regular eyes instead of you know judgy eyes Meghan gendman says I'm not charitable this invites me to a party and now I have judgy eyes sticks and stones may break my bones but dr moon will stick his thumb up my ass until I feel no pain all right David unless he hasn't cut his nails dr moon this one was healing the inside of your butt came out David so anyway enough of Shannon in Orange County let's talk about Shannon and Tahiti so they they make they fly across they fly across the pond the other pond they get to Tahiti and they they get to this new beautiful resort and and and Vicky's being really known she's like let's go whoop it up somewhere let's whoop it up as if it's slang that everyone knows she's trying to make whoop it up happen it and it's not even whoop it up which is what it is she's like who wants to whoop it up who wants to whoop it whoop it whoop it up it was the most mom like slang there could have been let's whoop it up somewhere and Shannon's like whoopie someone asked for whoopie no um Shannon instead the total downer that she's just like I just copped up some really nasty like black shit I'm so I can't go out I coughed up like what what you you catch you catch TB on the plane what what's going on were you down in the mine recently do you have like do you have black lung what are you talking about you copped up some black shit David said we were romantic more romantic before the first week so I'm clogged coughing up black things and I'm gonna go upstairs um can we mention that on the this was a weird uh travel segment because normally when they travel it's just so fun and this is kind of that thing where you travel for too long and everybody's like wants to have fun but everybody's exhausted and just needs to sleep yeah it was a weird whole montage of them traveling and then on the plane Heather I don't need to see her first I don't need to see Lizzie like Lizzie again the first shot we see on the plane is of Lizzie in the cam that's a bad sign and then the second shot is of Heather and she's like yeah I'm so comfortable here I've got the skin of an Asian child warming me my feet are up and I'm watching Downton Abbey like of course you're watching the most frigid fucking show on television she's like this show just makes my vagina frost I love it she's like I really relate to when they have to go to London and they throw their bags everywhere all at once and the characters okay so I'm sorry back to Tahiti back to Tahiti so then they're all like well while Shannon's upstairs coughing up her black mucus they're all like sitting around these tables and Lizzie says she thinks she might be pregnant which is like not that exciting and like did she even miss a period and she's like no but I know my body and I'm like really because you just got most of it so I don't know whether you can really know and she's like I know my body and I just feel that I'm pregnant yeah how about you wait how about you wait till you're pregnant just wait just give it a second because you're not getting a storyline anyway out of this so just shut the fuck up and then Vicki's on the other side oh geez these people and their pregnancies why don't you pee on a stick anybody got a stick to pee on offer Christ they because they're hard to pee on a stick give me a stick there's no sticks in Tahiti I was not having a three song by the way I was agreeing with every single one of Vicki's little comments from this point on the rest of the episode every time they cut to her in her confessional she would just say something super shady I was like yep that's right preacher like when like when when they were talking again about the fact that like Megan's like we would be three weeks that I haven't seen Jim blah blah blah blah and then I love when Vicki goes I spent time with Megan and I'd ship her off to California too if I were Jim I was like yeah and then Jim and Haley FaceTime from their thing to Megan and they're like hey he's like hey baby having fun he's like what's up bitch look at me I'm not doing my homework I'm on the leg Megan's like yeah I really miss you guys and he's like yeah whatever don't spend any money buy it eat she's like bye bitch Megan's like oh god you know I like to think of this is my choice because you know maybe you know you could look at it like yeah they left me and went to went to the lake without me but I look at it it's like I'm into heating that was my choice so yeah I was like it was my time yeah like shut up shut up you were so stupid stupid it's like a boxer being like yeah I totally won that fight because I just needed a nap and so I laid down and took one and that's called personal freedom no you lost yeah she's stupid she's really stupid stupid by the way by the way and how appropriate that Jim and his daughter are at Lake Havasu I mean that's that's like that's where Vicki goes that's like that's like Vicki's classy retreat you know yeah Havasu getting footballs thrown in her face yeah that's where Vicki's like oh I just wanted to show all the secretaries and the boxboys that they're appreciated okay yeah so anyway cello or whatever so then anyway the next day they all go out and about and they wind up um they wind up in a store with like selling that sells all these pearls and the pearls were like $19,000 for each pearl or whatever and I guess Megan wanted something or a heather whatever but Vicki I think Vicki suddenly had this realization she's like oh my god we're already like most way through the season I haven't done my working rant yet so of course Vicki dusted it off and goes well you don't work you don't work you don't work you can't spend your husband's money you don't work you don't work yeah well she started actually going after um the heather which I was surprised because I thought it was gonna be the young girl but it wasn't she I mean she did start with the young girl but mostly it was heather she was like oh do you have to call Terry when you spend that much money I mean can you just spend 50 grand and heather says well I don't ask him for permission but you know we have discussion discussion oh really oh a discussion you don't have because I would be real mad if I was married to someone and I was doing with the job and then she was us spending my money and you know no one was saying anything to her and she didn't ask my permission she was just spending the money and we get a job you know that's what you get a job for you don't work you don't work you don't work and Shannon was like yeah but uh you're married you're a partner oh Megan I'm sorry Megan's like yeah but when you're married you're partnered so it's shared and she's like oh no it's not no it's not no it's not sure that was like that by way that moment was like the moment in Jurassic Park when Jeff Goldblum was like hey I'm gonna distract the Tyrannosaurus Rex also with my flare and then the Tyrannosaurus Rex just goes after Jeff Goldblum that's what that's what happened there because Megan basically attracted the T-Rex that is Vicki Gumbelson over to her to go eat her face off yeah but then at least Vicki walked away from that one and but no but Vicki but Vicki kept on muttering about it she's like we don't work she doesn't work like how you do it it's like if you work that's one thing but you don't work you don't work well she was going against everybody because the only one who works even Tamara was like well I work and she's like but you don't make a paycheck that's not working I mean you can build a gym and call it the seaboard but it doesn't mean it's a job it's just some empty building with uneven flooring and a gay guy inside teaching the spin class it's not a job yeah um yeah she went after everybody pretty much because Vicki's the only one really with a job and so everybody looked really uncomfortable even Shannon Charles I don't work but uh but um but they don't go to lunch every day I don't need bomb bonds I mean maybe I don't have a job but you know but you're following David's like cloud account you know do you know how hard maps is to read on the new apple system it's difficult I mean that's a lot of work I can't eat bomb bonds because David's mistress would always eat bomb bonds David David a girl named Bonnie um but the thing is this though all the other women you know they've heard this before and it's sort of like slides up their back the Megan Megan's all in a chizzy now so then Megan's like she's jealous because she's not hot enough to be a gold digger oh and I'd also like to point out that London Elliot on our Facebook page put a very smart angry comment which I love those but he was like who the fuck is Vicki to say she's marrying some poor guy who's using all her money and it's like her second or third husband after she got cleaned out by the last one like and didn't want to give him any money like fuck you who read a judge how people lived their lives you just you just bought Cadillac you know you just bought like toilet seat porcelain teeth for your idiot man give me a break oh no yeah but I mean Vicki's always a hypocrite for sure like that's that's her thing but anyway what I loved is that then Megan is all her feathers are ruffles she's all like yeah so then they're all having lunch and I guess they start talking about like most embarrassing thing that happened and Megan tells this awful story she was like one time when I was working because I worked because I used to work I had a cramp and I ignored it because I was working so hard and then I had a period everywhere because I was working it's like shut up Megan it's like we get it you worked and then Vicki was not going to take it Vicki was like he's like oh so what were you doing she's like I sold medical things she's like oh well that's a good job why'd you stop well it wasn't conducive to my relationship you know because I want to be a trophy wife essentially oh well you shouldn't have stopped well I did work and that's the point it's like shut up Megan shut up Vicki's like you can fall in love and work so our Brooks doesn't do it but you know one one thing is you know the love part shut up Vicki she said Vicki was right though but Vicki was right though in the case of Megan because like you know I mean Megan Megan was in medical sales there's no reason why she can't be doing that in California it's true but what Megan had said four times in this episode because a lot of what we skipped are people when they're saying where's Jimmy where's Jimmy and they're like why aren't you with Jimmy why aren't you with Jimmy and she said 20 times Jimmy is in St Louis he needs me here to take care of Haley because Haley has to be here for school and her mom is too sick to be taken care of her I have to be here to take care of Jimmy's kid she said it a hundred thousand times and then Vicki's like oh well why do you got to take care of her she's got a mother and she goes yes and she still has cancer like I told you before she is dying of cancer and she cannot take care of her daughter and she's like oh well you can't you know just be under around the kid doesn't mean it right on I mean you can't do it you're not the mom she's got a mom what happened what happened to wife number two what happened to wife number two oh my god oh was or was Lee-Ann wife number two by the way RIP Lee-Ann Lee-Ann actually died last year she actually passed away that is so sad and it's so sad watching all of this and watching them fight over it yeah and then it's also sad because Megan is doing all the shit right now that is really hard to be on her side with she's going on Twitter you know Lee-Ann died last week and Megan one of her tweets was nice it was like oh RIP you know god bless a friend or whatever then it's like god you know I'm just sitting here thinking I'm really lucky I still have a mother sad face and then she'd be like god it's so it must be so hard not to have a mother I'm really feeling for Haley right now you know she just keeps tweeting keeps tweeting about how Haley feels and how this is so hard she's kind of using it to her yeah because she well I think and she didn't she appear on watch what happens last night she has pink hair and it's like yeah it kind of you know it's annoying because I think she's intending to raise awareness and distribute to Lee-Ann or whatever but it's just all translating as very self-serving stuff it's just it's like Megan just it's enough you didn't have pink hair when she was alive I mean supporting her with pink hair after she's dead is a little self-serving especially know when you're about to go on an interview circuit I think it's kind of gross and I think she shouldn't be using that and talking about it and she shouldn't be talking about trying to replace her as a mother that's offensive I think Vicki's really right when I think it was the clips for next week when she's saying you know what would you do if if your ex-husband's new wife is sitting there crying because she can't be the real mother to your children and Tamara's like I throw them to the charts batch yeah yeah and I know the the old ladies are now turning against Megan finally and it should just it'll go to a really good place and I have one thing to say about it listen lady keep your pumpkin keep poking at me Megan keep it up keep your pumpkin my judgey eyes are gonna go find my cup or I should we move on to marriage to medicine yes how long was that five hours did it take five hours yeah this marriage to medicine by the way is so dreadful these days so fucking dreadful oh my god it was torture getting through this episode torture I did stop and binge in the middle I have to say I girl scout well for I stopped five minutes in and I got some peanut butter girl scout cookies because my dad has those I love him oh yeah better be careful because Troy is installing nanny cams everywhere to catch people like you when Eugene well what I should do is install a big nanny calm right in the cookie job totally yeah I just kept stopping and I stopped in it some peanut butter tortillas and I stopped it and made a salad to be healthy and then I stopped it and ate some frozen Snickers bar I just binge through this whole thing it took me like two hours to watch it last night I was up till four in the morning toning yeah it took me it took me about 90 minutes because I just I would just get distracted so I was so bored that I'd wind up doing something else and then oh shit I got to watch the rest of this so we open with the montage of everybody doing nothing and heavenly being fake as hell like she ever goes to work because one minute heavenly is like I'm a dentalist and in the next she's like I'm I'm a dentist but really what I do is I take old dentistry and I flip them and make a messa and then I reset them I'm like she's a dentist flipper or something I don't know what she does yeah but then they show her and she's talking to her secretary and her secretary is like you have a cavity in room two and she goes thank you honey you're doing such a good job I just want to say thank you for being so wonderfully what you do shut up heavenly no one's buying it but heavenly is funny to you though because she's been so shady this season like I think so heavenly met up with Simone and Dr. Jackie they're like oh the the doctors the team doctor we're all getting together and they're talking about the situation with qua and they're like she's like the wazadam honey yeah and well they were like they were they asked Simone they're like so what would you do if someone threw a water in your face and Simone was like I'll just walk away she's like you wouldn't like you wouldn't throw a glass someone's face she's like that's what the wives do I was like yes she's like the doctors have seminars and the doctors have seminars and they call everybody bitches and hoars in front of the public and make money off of it that's what the doctor does so then there was some contrived bullshit where then heavenly went to the bathroom and then Simone got on to have the least phone and there are all these men on there there's like a dating app and heaven's like well you're like oh my boom you guys give me back my phone I'm gonna make you a T-Mobile Taran beat you down you're gonna give reception anywhere you go yeah so then heavenly she explains when she gets back when she's pretending to be mad she's like I'm developing a dating app she says she's developing a dating app which is why she has one and it's for like research and when she says she's developing a dating app I'm like she's doing a she's doing a seminar on impairment and developing a dating app and in my mind I'm thinking she and Vadra Park should go into business together because they've got like a new entrepreneurial endeavor that makes no sense every five minutes and then of course later on Vadra Park's actually showed up on the episode I was like well that's perfect yeah well I think what they're really doing is they're just starting like 100,000 businesses getting the trademarks so writing out the plans and then talking about them on TV and then trying to sell the trademarks yeah that's probably what they're doing because they can't be this stupid but heavenly's like you know how everybody's on their cell phone all the time how are they thinking girl people maybe could be it on their cell phone maybe they could date like yeah we know that next she's gonna invent like you know solitary that you can just play on your cell phone wouldn't there be a great way people could send each other messages i'm gonna call it text us messages i got a good idea for a dating app like let's just do something we can meet people and then maybe you've found some love some like tender love i'm gonna call it tender tender e heavenly and then and then Jackie who's also sticking to her st this shows are just all about terrible businesses being launched they should just make it like the shark tank you know but like i don't know just like the sea horse tank like totally harmless fish but like the seahorse tank but anyway and then they cut to Jackie and they're like you want some coffee you want some coffee girl and Jackie's like oh no no coffee for me just water like oh jesus what is coffee making fat too i'm sick just stop it with this yeah yeah it feels the other way coffee is supposed to make you thin that's why the miles coffee is coffee and cigarettes darling coffee and cigarettes doing lunch so then we cut to uh toya so toya and jean are getting ready to go to sleep and what i love is that toya was wearing a Beyonce t-shirt that said i woke up like this but you know when toy is miles like i woke up like this you know like a t-shirt i woke up like a t-shirt i woke up soft and fluffy and i cost five dollars in a tourist store but then i felt a lot better after i got a couple of washes what i what i should do is kind of sleep like this i'll make more sense to go sleep like this i woke up like this i'll go sleep like this it's crazy she's like i'm wearing this shirt i'm wearing this shirt to bed that but that would don't make no sense i i told you jean don't be scared i'm not like a werewolf i don't wake up like one thing goes sleep like another i'm like this all day long that's why i woke up like this and then u jean who's gained probably 500 pounds since he started this show like u jean is literally he's he's one of those people at disney world on a scooter soon okay he's not doing well u jean is eating his feelings and he's not feeling very turning into grimace he's feeling like a kind of Ben and jerry's basically yeah um grimace if we're gonna bring back if we're gonna do a call back to he's turning into grimace and there's no wind in sight so um oh my god so he started cheating and so toya catches him toy goes downstairs because she's put a nanny cab behind a cookie jar which is the worst place to hide it if your husband is eating the cookies he's just gonna be like oh a camera yeah she's like i pulled a daddy cab inside a peanut butter jar let's see if he fights it's like you know he's gonna eat that camera stupid she's like i thought the nanny cam was to catch nanny from muppet babies but no i caught u jean instead so he's so he's so he's like annoyed he's like he's like toya he's like here's the deal i'm gonna eat whatever the hell i want okay i'm like yeah we know he's like that's all i have to say that's all i have to say i'm just actually speak louder than words and yours just burped and farted at the same time we get it you know i love u jean though like i don't know why he married toya he is u jean is adorable he really is he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute and he's stress eating because she's spending everything he makes yes freaking out he's spending all this money to have a semi-hot wife who just berates him for being fat they're renting a giant mansion that used to belong to an nba guy so no wonder why he's stressed he's got a business that's not working he's spending money out the ass you don't mean this engine fucking dressy there dump her and masturbate in a bettly telling that you own rid of her um yeah so he's waddling around the kitchen eating and he's like fucking around and he's like don't you you know don't sneak up on me you know what if i was spying on you and i saw what you were doing bad like what you were doing with all the credit cards and so he threatens her money so finally she leaves them alone and she goes you so ignorant and i was like you have not said one sentence properly since you came down both stairs woman i have i have came here to tell you egg noon get out of here in your ambulance the quote i wrote of her if she goes oo jean your commitment to your dying doesn't exist i'm gonna go tell the drug cuz uh what you're doing oo jean oh my god she's so stupid okay so next we're in the chilies yeah we're leasing a call in karen and Lisa they're so fake Lisa michaels like well you know it's really been bothering me all of this stuff with quad and he's like listen i don't want to talk about the incident of the issue that happened in the incident of the incident issue-ness and she's like yeah it was hard because she abused me it's like babe i don't think we should all just move on and just like maybe distract ourselves by getting me some new mom jeans i thought that's why these jeans are going to hold themselves up above my love handles on their own can we get me a new belt how about this babe while we go to strip strip club we'll look at some strippers and then we'll get me some mom jeans and go back to strip club and that's it yeah let's talk about this over stripper sushi so only good money there her business lawyer comes in which i don't know what good that is but yeah she's like you know david walker is one of my attorneys i have the attorneys for the illegitimate children and i have attorneys for zippers that were put on wrong or i have my hanger attorney who's suing people who don't put hangers facing the right way because that can make me look bad and i will also file charges if quad files charges because i felt assaulted it was like uh yeah but you weren't yeah at all yeah and there's actually footage of you yeah there's footage of you hitting someone and then throwing or uh throwing water at someone and then throwing a glass and then going after her to hit her so i don't know and i let the lawyer was like listen you need to settle this because you know the time that you spend doing this it's time you're not doing your this is getting the way you're business i'm like oh god god forbid that the least in the cold business gets interrupted that that stupid boutique that's in the corner of wherever someone's like there's some things getting in the way of the management of that very important store i know like that rayon is not not ironing itself like shut up please send a call get out of here and then she acts like she's being matured she's like yes i would like to settle this in a way that won't embarrass her further and then he's like now look she's a business owner too and a good business owner knows this is time-consuming don't worry about it and then she goes she has no businesses okay so that's not really a good way to get people to drop charges because you know the producers just ran and showed her that clip and now you're going to be sued stupid if she has no businesses watch her on a background check and call it due diligence how about that how about that oh did you know that she i think it was on her bravo blog or some interview someone posted it on her facebook but she told an interviewer well maybe i wasn't in business with her but i consider what we are doing to be working together which is being on a reality show and that's a business and i would feel more comfortable about knowing about people i'm in business with like she's an idiot she is an idiot and she's a mean stupid idiot i mean this girl is vindictive mean awful used almost cancer last season which we didn't bug her for but i'm sorry going to be tested for cancer is not having cancer that was almost cancer that was bullshit and then she's doing this reverse feminism thing where her husband cheats on her multiple times and she stands up with him because he's got a lot of money and that is bullshit i'm so sick of women doing this and then acting like they're doing it for the sake of the marriage and the state should be lashed out at the other women she lashes out at the other women who dare to like utter that this happens yes because he gets the women and stands with the man who cheated on her bitch you are not doing this for the children you're doing this for the lease okay you're doing this for the car lease you're fucking up women everywhere by acting like this have some self-respect for crying out loud you piece of shit i'm sick of this with these women on bravo i'm sick of it i'm sick of it come on women stand up stop taking shit from men and they'll stop giving shit to women as long as women you know welcome mats are just gonna like people aren't gonna stop wiping their feet on the welcome mat because it's rude it's lying there it says welcome don't lay down and then we shock that someone you know cleans the mud off their flip floss before they go into their mother's house ah preach ronnie preach anyway we then moved on to Simone's mone's sister arrives her sister's this season was a boring we can move on yeah this scene was boring nothing happened they were just talking about my dad so then um oh now it came to phase two of fit as the new it yay yay and jackie's assistant is like now look you have got to make this fun and jackie's like fun i am fun yeah did anybody tell mrs huckstable that she wasn't fun no she was on a sitcom on nbc she was fun that no that was both Cosby and he was also drugging people out to have sex with them but yeah it's fun i'm a fun person now look running and he'll not be okay because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger except fat that just makes you fat and dead that kills you and isn't fun but anything else we can do we we can do this yeah she drags jackie drags people out in the middle of the woods for like this little sort of obstacle course really race thing and then she's like i'm afraid some of my friends aren't taking this serious which by the way it's seriously first of all but also it's like well of course they're not taking it seriously because you're not qualified in any way to be running this program maybe your trainer is but not you you're just fat shaming you're just some worked out woman with a bullhorn you know you don't motivate people by screaming at them with a bullhorn do you know what they want to do shoot you they do not want to listen to you if they want you dead okay right and then at some point so heavily in was there and at some point she pulled a total toy up because she said fruition and she goes for a Russian what's what's going up to exercise she's like okay everybody the trainers like okay everybody welcome to the wilderness you're gonna run around a block so be sure you get plenty of calories to fuel up to run around the block no you're supposed to be burning calories you don't tell an obese man that he needs to eat more calories before he exercises he doesn't he's wearing 20 years of calories what the fuck people stop and then on top of that this race was like it did not seem to be a highly effective way to lose weight it was like they ran together they did like a three-legged race to one stop that to pick up some water and run about 10 feet to the next location and toya didn't even want to take the jugs which was annoying she's like i just want to run oh jean you kind of little jugs and uh oh we should also mention that quad showed up and it was a big deal quad was like i have arrived i have made it come in because i'm a woman of my word shut up don't act don't act like you deserve a medal because you showed up to an obligation on your reality show i'm a woman in my word and my word is what i'm here to stay i'm here to stay because i'm in and in is in and in is out now out is out now i'm in the out it's like okay at one point at one point quads said something that made no sense she's talking about how she and Jill she and Jill would have won but they forgot to do something at one point so they forgot to bring the jugs and meanwhile you've got fucking oo jean on a florida Disney world electric scooter like panting himself he's like way last he's like uh brought the jugs so he wins on the technicality and he's like i won and quad is like oh please now you jean you're grisly bear you're just a grisly bear you you're grisly like a bear but then quad said something that made no sense i actually recorded something about her and Jill being a daffodil i want you to listen to this and tell me if this makes any sense to you when it comes down to endurance strength and condition me and miss Jill the daffodil has it honey me and miss Jill is daffodil has it bit honey it was just like a word like she was doing well she's like when it comes to endurance and strength and conditioning it's like okay quad you're doing really well you're making it full sentence she's like me and miss Jill quad daffodil has it baby what oh no lost it when it comes down to endurance strength and condition me and miss Jill the daffodil has it honey girl that game is like that girl is a game of boggle she's not even boggle makes more sense than the things that she says you have to stare at it for a really long time before it's like someone took magnetic potions threw it on her refrigerator and read it some of the words and some of those words were upside down yeah um love her though i know she's ridiculous the daffodil has it baby man Jill's a daffodil has it baby okay all right uh card line okay uh another boring thing the sister and the blast spying on teen erkel going on his first date here i i know that was stupid but i i do want to say i did think this he was cute even if it was more cute yeah i was cute and his date beautiful beautiful young lady and i hope that they just stay together with their lives she was so cute that that girl was wearing a sweater up to her chin and wearing a scarf and like you could see the lock to her like virginity locks that girl was innocent and i like that that wasn't like so trashy teenager trying to be on tv for sure and i and i felt so bad it was his first date and what a terrible way to have your first date not only is your mom lurking in the bushes but she's lurking in the bushes with a camera crew for national TV i mean that is that is pressure yeah outside in arby's or whatever like this is so romantic remember when you took me to eat that shave plastic meat delicious i knew right then i was stuck with you oh it was so cute though i was like i'm so bored and yet so enchanted at the same time so faitre and quad so this is when quad goes to faitre and um uh faitre is telling her basically listen you are gonna ruin her life if you come after her it hurts the kids it hurts the blah i mean you can do whatever you want well first of all i love which is like and it quads like well i don't want to hurt her children that's the last thing i want to do well actually then why did you get into your inspector gadget uniform and start trying out all these details these incendiary details that don't really mean anything on camera on national TV if you don't want to hurt the kids well she didn't say she didn't want to hurt the kids it said first of all faitre said well this will damage the kids and she goes she goes well mama should have thought of that and then she's like well this could irreparably she rephrases like this will ruin their lives and she's like oh i don't want to do that like i just want to hurt them i don't want to damage them forever i'm not hot i'm not left about hot because my heart is beating like a beatmaster daffodil has it so then so then faitre at one point was like well then also you know with this glass on like there could be some scarring and that's your goldmine as if quad is in demand in parisam alan to walk the runways and then quad is like oh yes and there is makeup i can guarantee this is makeup right here but there's a scar like i don't excuse everything your scar i don't see anything all right like she's really freddy under there shut up and she's like she's like oh yeah your face is you listen when people run by you and they say cover girl they mean please cover girl that face is not a gold mine get out of here get the get a bag on that thing that girl is not known for her face she's known for being a crazy bitch on tv let's not let's not kid ourselves listen we have seen we have seen scars on tv before we've seen candies assistant carmen all right she got a big scar on her face and when you have a real scar that's gonna damage you no amount of makeup can cover it up it's just there and it's fine but it's there so don't act like your scratch is a thing for sure it's fucked up i mean she did get glassed on her face and she did get a cut like legit and i think that lisa nicole should pay for her medical bills but don't act like this is a six billion dollar damages lost to pay for that nia sporean and that giant half-face like phantom of the opera bandaid that they put on her face even all they need to do in court is play the husband saying it's just a tiny scratch baby yeah that's all they need listen if it costs if it costs quad $100 i still think lisa nicole should pay i still do but quad should stop acting as if these are some major damages going on here or that she was just standing there innocently and then got water thrown at her like shut up you were coming after someone on national tv bitch please you know i take it to judge Judy it's about time you know why doesn't bravo get judge Judy involved with some of these things because i would love to hear what judge Judy has to say about this i would love it because seasons would be over in two seconds she'd be like y'all stupid c-words that's it don't piss on my leg and tell me it's a thunderstorm outside um okay i love me some lisa nicole going or uh quad going lisa nicole is lisa nicole is she should who should not be named honey she is a name you shall not name that is a morty valdy i'm like shut up you've never watched harry potter you need to just be quiet um okay so that was it so not a mistake quad and quad fights with Jill and she's like quad is so stupid i love her the Jill's like listen i'm gonna confront you because remember when we were in the wilderness and all those people brought jugs you told me i didn't need my jugs or whatever the stupid fights about and quad's like i do not appreciate you speaking to me in that tone and just like yeah but i'm upset and she goes this is getting a little bit out of hand and i do not want that with you like she's creepily smiling and then they just cut to Jill blinking blankly like uh you know what Jill's problem is you know what she has dodgy eyes everybody thank you so much for listening to watch watch crop eyes thank you for all your support on patreon.com/watchatcrapins come to our facebook page facebook.com/watchatcrapins and remember that this week's show is going to be real housewives of new york city million dollar listing san francisco and probably a bunch of previews of new bravo shows coming up later this summer hi everybody hi if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the side show network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like regi wats taught glass lies a slice finger slicing driving friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and i still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own own benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomity there's no need to wait for it any more because it's here and it's funny and i love you to the insurance company that's spurned me our time together has come to an end it's not me it's you we both know what i'm talking about 15 minutes ago i began courting geico it was just the easiest thing i've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast not only have i saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance but also the future tiers you were sure to impose my heart and my coverage now belong to geico sincerely not yours terra in telly ride geico 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car 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