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Doar, and I'm a huge fan of Next Issue Magazine, because I don't have to wait for things to come out on the magazine stand. I can put it right on my iPad. Thankfully, I can also put it on my husband David's iPad, so I can see who's, I can see what magazines his mistress has been downloading on there. I tell David he can't read five different kinds of magazines, but guess what? I see really reason with Next Issue.com, because I got my free 30 day trial and Next Issue.com/crapins. Pride. Regret. How? That's from Sports Illustrated, but it could have been in my wedding house. David doesn't realize this, but Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton are on the cover of People Magazine right now, and they're getting divorced. David, do you want that to happen to us? David, David, where are you going? David, David, David. If I knew Miranda Lambert, I'd tell her right now, Miranda, you're a quitter. You're a quitter, Miranda. You should have asked her a list of the places that he went with that woman, Miranda. But seriously, everyone, Next Issue.com is great. It's like the Netflix of magazines. You can basically get a whole bunch of magazines delivered to your tablet on the day they hit newsstands, and it's really awesome, and it's super cheap too. It can be, you can get a subscription for us, for so many magazines, for as little as $10 per month on up to five different devices. It's great. So get your free 30 day trial at Next Issue.com/crapins now, and read up way up on all your interests. Next Issue.com/crapins. Watch what crapins, watch what crapins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crapins? Crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins, crapins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crapins? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crapins? Welcome to Crap by Crapway! Thank you guys so much for coming here. I'm Ronnie Caramab. That's Ben Mandelker. I'll be, I mean, I guess you would know that if you're here. Y'all, except for the friends in the car. Hi y'all. You brave suckers. If you are listening to this at home on your favorite podcast application, the reason why we have all these people here is because we are broadcasting live from Austin, Texas, and we have a lot of people here. We have a lot. I mean, I don't even know how many people, everyone's waving a periscope right now. Yeah, long going. If you have a periscope, you can probably watch this somewhere. Anyway, I don't know how many people do we have here, like 300. 400. I'm really bad with estimating. Should we have a count up one? It's like Broadway in here. Yes, full house. You know, it looks like we have like, I don't know, like 50 people, 70 people. I can't tell. It's a lot. Man, it is hot up in Austin. I'm glad to see you sweating too, because I'm usually the fat sweaty one, but you're sweating too. I am sweating. I'm in jeans and I'm not happy about it. I wore the jeans for you people, for you. I did too, and I've worn these jeans five times, so he's going to start smelling really good in his corner. They're going to be open in this door. I even wore my cowboy shirt because we're in Texas. So I'm excited. I'm excited for all this, and we got a beer. I got Shinerbok, Texas beer going on right here. I have vodka. At least you mentioned we are at the lovely key bar here. Yeah, key bar. Thank you, key bar for having us. Thank my uncle and auntie, Ted and Richard Karam for the key bar. And thank you guys for setting everything up. This is so nice for us. Yeah, this is the most professional we've ever sounded. But last time we did a live show, if you don't count the episodes we're glad we did it in mall, which technically those were live court. Yeah, food court. That was our second option, if this didn't work out. Yeah. There's a subaro everywhere. Yeah. We did this live show about three years ago. It was a three years ago. Yeah, it was like our 10th show, and there were four people, and only one of them came on purpose. The other ones came to see an improv show, and they were pissed. Yeah. Tammy, wherever you are, we wish you were here. Tammy was one of them. She sat in the front row, and she laughed at every joke, so no pressure. Which granted was probably more than the shows got there that night. Yeah, that's true, too. Nope, that's IO. Yeah, IO West. So we've always been very lazy. We always want to do another live show, and we always are going to do it. We're going to do it. We're going to do it. We never do. But it took us both being in Austin coincidentally at the same time to realize we could do a live show. Yeah, why not? Ben's dating a dude who choreographed that show is Zach Scott. So good. Yeah, by the way, if you guys don't sing Duke Ellington songs the same way she does everything. It doesn't really work in that, but I'm with you. This show got three standing ovations before the curtain call. Jennifer Holliday will make you weep. It was absolutely amazing. We loved it. Yeah, it was really good. It was great. So if you like Jennifer Holliday or some good music and good tap dancing, go to the Zach theater and see sophisticated ladies. Yeah, okay, all right. Fuck all that. Yeah, so the reason I'm always afraid to do live shows is because we just really sit here, and it feels weird. Yeah, the way our life we should make like some effort, you know? I know like our podcast basically us just like talking. So now that we have people we can get distracted by, it's going to be even more aimless and directionless. But we'll try with first of all, most people here, I'm assuming if not like us on Facebook, facebook.com/watchworkrapins. For those of you who don't like us, get onto your phones right now and like us. And then you can hide us. You don't even have to pay attention to us. But anyway, for people as you know, facebook.com/watchworkrapins. You can also donate to us, support the show on patreon, patreon.com/watchworkrapins, where you can support the show and get access to bonus episodes, monthly hangouts. I know some of y'all get on the hangouts with us. Yeah, yeah, rapid at, rapid at. Well, that's I'm just sort of the plug. I've messed up our thing already. Shocker. All right, well, periscope is down, but the podcast will go on. All right, nostril can. Oh, it's still a nostril canna. No matter where it is, it's getting my nostrils. I like that. All right. All right. Let's get into the show. Let's get into watchworkrapins. You can find me. We have some gossip. We have some gossip. Yeah, so there's some good gossip today. Well, this isn't really good gossip, but I'm obsessed with, I don't really, I'm older, I guess. So I don't understand technology that well, like I'm signed up to everything, but I don't know how to use it yet. So I only follow Yolanda Foster on Instagram, because I, because I saw some stupid posts she had once and had to follow it, because Yolanda Foster was doing this thing. So for those of you who don't know, she's on Real Housewives at Beverly Hills, and she doesn't just have Lyme's disease, she has chronic Lyme's disease. So it's never, it's some kind of shady disease that no one really believes her, and she goes to Mexico to get like a lot of weird infusions of things. And I'm addicted to her, her Instagram, because she takes these pictures where it looks like she's dying, but then she's not at all. Like when her son was carrying her and it looks like she's, she's like this, you know, she's like all slumped over, and you're like, oh my God, and people are like, Yolanda, you're so strong, Yolie. You know, there's like thousands of people. And then her son posted the picture not knowing that she was like faking it. Yeah. So her son posted the other angle, and she's like, she's being carried by her son as a joke, so that one was full of shit. So anyway, I love her, I'm obsessed. But you know her daughter Bella is dating the weekend. You guys know the weekend, right? Guys, what's up with people related to Bravo naming themselves after calendar things? There was that yesterday. I am spelling it wrong, because weekend is spelled W-E-E-K-N-D. But you know, maybe that's what I'm talking about. Yes, you do mean a vowel. Your name can just be weakened. I'm trying to think that his song, "I Can't Feel My Face" is about her Lyme disease. Because on that other show, there was yes, yesterdy. Yesterdy. It was yesterday that there was an I instead of an E. Yeah. By the way, I'm sorry everyone I'm giving my, I'm giving you my back, but it's just what it is. You want to turn it over here? Let's, I'll try to do one of these things, try to do one of these things. So I want to get Ronnie and I want to look at the audience at the same time. Don't look at me. No. Don't look at me. It'll be like the normal podcast where we do it over the Skype. Stuck in all these holes. It's a metaphor for our podcast. Okay. So anyway, so you're on the wrong list. So Bella or yes, we like to call her the other one. Gigi's younger sister. Yeah, so I don't care about her. I didn't even write that now. But please spell your name. If you're going to name yourself after something in the calendar, please spell it, right? Yesterdy's not right. Yeah. Okay. So Yolanda's Instagram, so she had two really good ones this week. One is her giving her husband, David, my love. David, my love. You got Sandra and I give you facial. And of course, she can't just buy some oil of Olay with the 40 million dollars she has. She's got to get some yogurt out the fridge. Yeah. So he's like laying down and she's putting yogurt. And it says, a little calming your hurt for David, my love. Your hurt. So even in something that's supposed to be like a happy facial massage, she's like, yo hurt. Yo is hurt. I was like, shut up, Yolanda. No one buys it. I'm surprised that Yolanda Foster has him tried to like edge in on all the Caitlin Jenner stuff, you know, because she has to hand gently connected to it, right? Because what do you mean editing in on it? Yeah, but like getting a dig? Well, no, trying to be like, well, my good friend, Bruce Jenner, who of course is married to, I was married to my, what was the connection? It's, it's David Foster was married to Linda Thompson, who had kids with Bruce Jenner. So I'm surprised she didn't try to get in on that. Like somehow Caitlin Jenner's struggle is part of Yolanda's struggle, you know? Yeah, there's so much inbreeding out there. It's really nice to see like rich white people doing it too, because I'm Lebanese. So I thought it was just us. The other Yolanda picture that was really amazing this week is her like whenever she takes a picture, she'll take off all her makeup and like look like, like just look like she's about to fall over. I'm sorry. I know that sounds hard, but it's a long fake with that one. I am boiling in a long con. I'm going to do one of these. I'm going to do one as if I'm wet. Like, like a, like a, like a, what is it expression? Like a horan church. So I didn't like a horan church. Not anymore. Churches are cool. So I didn't like a horan synagogue to make it more appropriate. Or as we go to church and get some air conditioning now, y'all. Or something. Wait, we have some, there's some really good gossip though. Yeah, no, no, no, we're not, we can't move. We're on Yolanda for another hour. You're going to take it? Okay, so Yolanda is like looking all sad and she's wearing like her CBS glasses, which still I don't understand. She's got, she's on the title balance, I think. Okay, so anyway, she is reading this book, and I don't know if she knew that the camera was getting the cover of this book, because she's like this. This is what she looks like. She's like, Ronnie is making a, a sad amount of face. On we, on we, they can see it in their head. Okay, this is what the book is called. The Naked truth about breast implants from harm to healing. The struggle is real. The struggle is real. What the hell's I have to do with Lyme disease? Her implants, she's like maybe the implants are doing it. Maybe they're taking some of the implants. Maybe ticks are addicted to saline or something. I don't know. Take them out of me. The tick injected the Lyme disease into the saline and now it is constantly seeping into her system, no matter what she does. So you want to talk about camera pictures? Did you guys hear the latest can Richard stuff? Because there's can Richard stuff. You do it. All right. So as usual, I have a very sketchy idea of what happened because I like read it in a haze. Oh, I'll tell the whole story. So she was on entertainment tonight, telling her story because that's where you go, entertainment tonight, hard hitting journalism. And how else, how else do you follow up Dr. Phil? Yeah, exactly. So I am so ears busy. So if I remember correctly, she was, you know, she was talking about, she said something about like, she's giving an interview about her struggles with sobriety et cetera. And she's like, she's like, I hate this. She's like, I love being sober. I love it. And like, falling off the wagon has been really difficult for me. And she was at her daughter's wedding, and there's a lot of pressure, people were staring at her, et cetera. And she looked down on the ground and she saw two little margaritas and decided to have one. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Which is like, I don't know. This is like, it's like, it's like, it was a tiny piece. It was an instant margarita and half bath juice. Like, you know that when she saw those margaritas, they were like a little smiley based on them, like talking to her, you know. Like, oh damn, like the M&M characters, you know. Like who leaves two, by the way, who leaves two little margaritas on the ground just sitting there? Anybody, they were probably taking a picture. Kim probably walked past everybody putting down their drink. She's that crazy aunt of the wedding, you know. It was like just walking around like, ah, oh yeah. I went away, said there's thirsty kids in Africa, kill for the drink. She's like, ah, it's hypnotized. It was just swirling. And as I was talking to me, I'm like, Kim, you pat your face up to a margarita machine, and that's what it is. And just for the record, I support alcoholism and alcohol drinking. There's no judgment there. Just don't be lying about that shit. It is crazy. You drank it. You maybe drank a margarita that is on the ground. Bitch, please. Because after that, she went up to the groom's family. Okay, her daughter was getting married. She went and told the entire groom was family off in front of the entire wedding party. So she pulled like an inch of margarita and then a fuck you. And fuck you. Hey, fuck you. What's your mother? You know, it's like, damn, Kim. And then her ass ran away for 10 days in Mexico and nobody could find her. Yeah. See, like Kim Richards probably sitting in the booth of some Mexican place claiming she was there since she was a baby, you know, like she did on the set. I've been coming here with my mom since I was a kid. I've never cared before. Okay, so I actually took notes on this. It was only two minutes on entertainment tonight. So why not turn it into an hour? Yeah. I had no idea this interview was taking place. I was surprised. You know how I knew? Facebook.com/watchworkrapto. Oh yeah, there we go. That's all I guess. Best page on the internet. Okay, so I just love the entertainment weekly. Entertainment Tonight is so hard-hitting because this is the lady interviewing her. She's like, yeah, I'm interviewing Kim Richards. You know how they talked to all the other anchors? Yeah, I like why they play their serious music whenever, like, like the inside or end of your mid tonight is doing like some special like report. They always have music. It's like, as if like, oh my god, everyone, like the U.N. is convening right now. Yeah, but it's entertainment tonight. So they're all like this. No matter what they're talking about. And they had to cut away. So they're very concerned face. They're like doing one of these. They try because her first line when they got their private time, she was born like this. Like she was raising. She's doing the days of our lives, like eyebrow raising, you know, and she's doing that and she goes, so was being arrested your aha moment and she made this like eye red thing. You can watch it on YouTube. It's so funny. And Kim's answer with, first of all, she's like, who asked that without your aha moment? Like, she just realized she was drunk. How about when I was pulling my weave out of a vomit filled toilet? That was my aha moment. She's like, my aha moment was when I got sucked at that cartoon world with a drawings and everything and they're singing that song. In 1983, that was my aha moment. My aha moment was when they called Sandra Bullock up to get an Oscar and somebody else went up there. How do you have a "How is this world working?" I called a meal a little west of it as I'm crying on his voicemail for five hours. So her actual answer was, I had to write a quote. Actually, my rest was my I had to have a break moment. It's like, what? Oh, yeah. In jail. Yeah. I kicked the cop for a free trip and I did it. And then she goes, did you lock yourself in the bathroom? And Kim says, Kim's doing this thing where, you know, when you're drunk and you're trying to pretend you're sober and you're looking like too hard at something? She's doing that and she's talking slowly and she's doing things like this. So we'll know that she's like peaceful. She's like, okay. So she was doing that and she said, here's the thing. I asked if I could use the bathroom. I asked and on then when I was in the bathroom, I was going to the bathroom. You know, what can I say? Answer the question. That's what you can say. No one asked if you were peeing in the bathroom, Kim Richards. Well, I like that she said that this was a break. Like it was like, this was great. Yeah. There were too many pressures on her. I'm grateful. What pressures does she have on her? All she does is make chicken salad, you know, and you adjust the frames in her all the way. And she doesn't even get a spoon for that. She just uses her hands. Yeah. No. Just in the picture frames. Anyway, Kim Richards, we love you. Please stay off TV for a while. Yeah. If you're going to do that. She needs to get some real help. I don't know if it's happening anytime soon. I'm focusing on treatment. But they asked me to come back on real housewives of Beverly Hills. Oh, yeah, I'm representing. Yeah, I know. It's Sandra Bullock. I'm going to do it. Like we scored. Yeah. Okay. What else happened? I don't know. Oh, candy had a baby band. Candy from Real Housewives of Atlanta. I think she's just pregnant. I think she's just pregnant. Oh, she's just pregnant. Yeah. Well, that's a little exciting, right? Let's get out of the system. See now. Raleigh's got a sister coming through. Well, brother. When she found out she was probably going to be having another party on her own. Yeah. When the baby comes out, that's going to be his first night. Yeah. Mama Joyce will get peed on the first time. That is broken. Okay. What else was I going to say? I don't know. I brought something else up. Yes, I did. We're going inside and we'll get Ronnie's famous notebook. The nostril pen. Still clear. Cam Holdon. Yolanda, Gretchen is selling diet shakes out of her trunk. I don't know why I wrote that down. I just think that shit's hilarious. That's just a general. How much can she make off a diet shake? You know, she's making five cents off of those and slates. Well, if it's anything as effective as Gretchen Christine Gute, I imagine people will be lining up with that trauma. Okay. I think that's it. Oh, no, I wanted to say Shannon Bador because we're not talking about Orange County today. So Shannon Bador got in trouble because she went on Twitter this week when Obama came in town to do the John Stewart show, which that's the first president who's done every comedy show there is. He's like, Hey, what's up? I'm surprised he hasn't been on watch what happens. We're in like 10 words. The day that Obama shows up on watch what happens is the day that I may have. He probably would. He probably would. He'd be like, I'm taking the countenance aside. We'll be like President Obama and like Cindy Barshop or something. Cindy Barshop. God bless her heart. All right, so she got in trouble for making these tweets. Hope Obama has a great time on John Stewart's show. Totally, we're shutting down a city hashtag ridiculous. And then she did another one. I'm so living in angry. I hope it was worth it. Obama hashtag bullshit. Like they're on Shannon. Why does she get in trouble for that? Because every time Obama comes into LA, the entire city is paralyzed. And everyone everyone tweets that stuff. So why does she get roasted? I'm actually on Shannon's side and I'm I'm for President Obama. But listen, I hate it when the streets are closed down for the president. No, Tim, and get a fucking helicopter. You're the president. Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you too. I was going to say mean things about Shannon, but I just changed my mind. Yeah. All right. So let's move on to the shows. We're going to be here for 20 hours. Oh, shout out Paris. Stop your bitching. They couldn't see anything. Look, that girl lost 11 pounds and six inches. I don't know where I went. I think I've lost 11 pounds and sweat so far. I know it's good. All right. It's so hot. I'm losing a lot of weight. Give me some vodka. It's so hot in Texas. I have to say, it's really hot. You guys, this is pointless, right? You can just hear it anyway. Yeah, just make sure you don't move the laptop. Otherwise I could ruin this. Ronnie's here. They're like, yeah, look out. You're about to hit the door. You're about to hit my door. Don't. Okay. Okay. A moment of extreme professionalism. All right. So who wants to talk about Real Housewives of New York City? Enough with all this. Enough with all this entertainment tonight. Garbage. I'm going to make a paper mistake out of Matthew. Ronnie is mummifying himself. David's my love. Please. Please. By the way, it's my... I made a roast chicken for you. It is in the fridge. There's a lemon up in support. Enjoy, David. I love you my love. I would like to dedicate this facial mask to my love, David. By the way, I just have to pause this first second and say, how funny is Ronnie? Ronnie is so funny. You're wiping a sweat off my face. No, I'm coming your eyebrows. That's how I love. Darling, darling. Thank you. I love you, darling. All right. So, I didn't take a lot of notes. My notes are on my iPhone. You're wondering why I'm holding my iPhone. I'm not expecting a text. I'm just, I'm holding my notes. Yeah. People are like, why do you talk so much? I mean, I naturally do, but I also have the notes. I know every little thing that happened. It's true. I'm about people's wallpaper. Actually, I have some notes about wallpaper. My first... I literally do. So, I watched New York City this week and I was like half falling asleep because I watched it late at night for some reason. So, when I do that, I only take notes on a few things that are able to penetrate through the haze. And my first one was... Your note is an asshole. It's like, just like highlights. The guys' notes. My first note, I know a lot of heaven before this, but I think it's funny that my first note was Bethany saying, this mattress is like being on drugs. Why is that stick out to you? And also, it's like a really hard, uncomfortable mattress. What kind of drugs? That's why she's got trouble. Yeah. All right. So, why don't you pick us off? You need to find some proper drugs. Ronnie, lead us, lead us to the promised land. Previously on the real hot watch, actually, it's usually their voice, right? Carol has to go get her dad's husband ashes. Oh, and then, drunk Dorinda. I love that they just keep showing drunk Dorinda and it never makes sense. She's like, "What is the same play schedule when the same play schedule?" She keeps talking about... Because she has this like, spitty drunkenness. I really like it. Yeah, she does. And she keeps talking about the Berkshires as if she's saying that there's like this purity. Oh, wait. Oh, we have a periscope adjustment happening. Oh, rubber banded, hot brother in my right. Glue too close to the sun. She's always talking about with Heather. She's like, "Well, our friendship is pure. We met in the Berkshires. It's pure. It's pure." We love the same place, Heather. It's like they went to a convent together or something. It's just the Berkshires. I saw you at the age of me. No, that doesn't mean. So anyway, and then we got a clip of Heather. A naked man! There was a naked man! Wait, it hit me that she was screaming. I was naked in the next room. He's sleeping with Carol. Why has nobody talked about that, have we? Wait, I would actually... What the fuck? She's sleeping with Carol naked in that room and she's offended that there's some naked guy in the next room, girl. I would like to do it. I would like to do an informal poll. As long as we have an audience, you might as well make use of the piece of the game. That's formal. When there's actually people here. I mean... Who here was on? Who here? This is without any judgement. Who here was on Heather's side in that whole argument? Just make cheers, make clapper, make a noise. And who was on Luan's side? They're not uncool. They're not uncool. I knew there were people on Heather's side, but I'm interested because sometimes we get on a rant and we're like fucking Heather. She's being crazy, but we're just like in a bubble. So I wanted to know, was it just us? But you know, there's some people on Heather's side. All right, what have our listeners said that she overreacted? All right. What she just said is that... Oh, great one. Well, is that who wasn't involved in it? She said, what she said, Rina. Am I me or Dina again? I'm Jenny. Jenny, okay. Jenny says... Jenny from the block says that she's... She cruises with what Bethany said this week, which is that she would be annoyed about... She sees why Luan's annoyed. She sees why Heather's annoyed, but I think she's a little more annoyed. But she says she's... There's a random man without it. See, Luan had a guy fine. Like, I think... See, it's interesting. This is the female perspective because I think that with gay guys, it's like the dreams wake up and there's a naked man in that room, right? Yeah, usually. It's like you woke up next to someone, you don't know that you met the first day and I'm like, "Yeah, it's called West Hollywood." Who... Who sleeps with people they know? Who roasts? I know how they eat with their mouth open or how they pick their nose in the car. Girl, if I know you, I do not want to fuck you. I'll tell you that, Miss, right? That is right. Knowing someone ruins everything, nothing. All right, so... Oh yeah, no, I wanted to tell you something. So that whole Heather fight, "You was naked!" Are they lesbians? I don't care, obviously. I mean lesbians are different than gay people. It's like not one parade. It's weird how we're all in one parade because then we get in the same parade and the guys are like, "Ew!" and we're like, "Rose!" They're like wearing baseball uniforms and we're wearing rainbows. Like, I don't know who put us all together. And now we got the transgenders, too. Oh, and now we got questioning. What the fuck is that? You don't get a parade if you're questioning. If you're questioning, you know, like, go play with the neighbors down the street and blow them. See if you like it. Like, I can't. I mean, I tell you to go up! Christ, mature on your own, don't use my parade to do it. All right. By the way, Ronnie's parents are here and... Oh, they know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I warned them. I warned them. Her friends are like, "Yeah, that's right." And she's like, "Oh, she's horrifying." I showed her a comment on Facebook that said, "I want to go meet Ronnie's mom and have her yell at me while she, uh, yell at me over a box in front of you while she was playing canasta." And I was like, "Oh, shit. I guess I should tell her." And she's like, "Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah." Like, "All right. You'll do all right." I said, we give a big round of applause to Ronnie. Ronnie is mother. You went through a lot of shit, Mom. You're still going through it. Yes. The podcast is young. We still have five more hours. There's a reason I will never have children. I know what it's like from watching you go through it. I'm like, "Oh, hell no. I'm not putting up with that shit." All right. So let's get on to the episode. No, no, no, no. I wanted to say this, Heather. I never ever say it. I'm so sorry. But this, uh, Heather and Bethany fight. So there's this big fight on trash, trash talk TV right now, the side I run on that recap. Oh my God. The older generation versus the younger generation on who it's okay to fuck and win. They're going crazy and the older lady is saying, "Well, if you do that, you're a slut." And then the younger lady is like, "Well, I guess I'm a slut. You must be really old." And so one of them's calling one a slut and the other one's old. I mean, I think being called a slut is worse, right? You can't help your age be helping a hoe, right? Yeah. Well, usually. Sometimes you can't help it. I just saw a penis on the floor, baby. I drank it. Random penises on the grass. I'm the penis drunk auntie at the wedding. Where is the penis on the table? I think we all know that those were like not even margaritas. It's like a shoe. She's like sitting there like a shoe. She got dropped on Two Springs. She's like, "Ann, what are you doing? What are you doing, Aunt Kim?" Remember her toxicology report? It was like, "Pinked thinner. Paper clips." Paper, all kinds of shit. Yeah. Fish food. You're like, "What? Yeah. What is Kim Richard's drinking?" Back away from the kitchen sink, bitch. Okay. So now we'll start the show. So every week I notice something new. Do you want to, can you read these? These are like, like five-year-olds. You amount a lot to say. You say pretty and smarter, napkin crotch. What is that? Tell me. It says, okay, Ronnie's note says, "Pretty a smarter napkin crotch." Napkin crotch. Okay. So every week, I normally don't pay attention to the beginning, but every week I notice something different. You know when they're like, they, their names come up and they're like, and they have their stupid bed, they're dumb line, and Kristen's is, what is it? Pretty or smarter than you think. She's a blogger, guys. She's a blogger. Yeah, she's a blogging-ass. So she's saying she's so smart, but then I notice she's wearing like this crop top thing, and then it's got this long like, hot pink napkin thing that like falls between her crotch. I don't know why I noticed that, but I was like, "Hmm." You know what's funny about Kristen's opening is that last season, her line was something like, "I may not be the brightest, but at least I'm pretty." And I was like, "I hate that because she's so much smarter than she gets herself credit for. Then this season she's like, "I'm a lot smarter than you think." And we're like, "No, you're a nice fucking bitch." Oh, it is? Oh, no. It says it's on. Who's angry? Periscope, people are angry? Why? Oh, because we can't. They can see bed. They can only see. And we're back from our technical glitch. It happens about three times the podcast episode. I don't know how viewers can tell, but again, the most professional podcast in iTunes is top 10. Yeah, I just want to see Heather after she talks about how smart she is. I want to see that crotch napkin just get stuck in the subway door. Give me a name. What did I say? Kristen, thank you. Feel free to correct this as we go along. We're going to get a lot of things wrong. We take notes, but there's no guarantee that the notes have anything to do with anything. Is there a waiter out here? It's like band or pump rules. They just stay outside smoking, fighting with people. I would like to say, by the way, I just want to say that, so this is crap by crap West. Almost every single seat is filled. We have people in the doorway, so I appreciate this. We are filled up a room. Carly, I'm sorry a double buck on the rocks, grass, Jenna, darling, I will, except for the buck apart. Okay, we're back for the third time in three minutes. Hopefully you heard everything we just said, but we basically were congratulating. We were congratulating ourselves for selling out a room, even though we didn't sell anything. And I hope everyone continues to get drinks during this, because y'all need to get drunker. At least I do. Yeah, do it. Hurry, drink it up. I'm sweating all this shit out. I need to put all of this on my tip so I can make a perfect fat martini drink. All right, so the show starts with, oh, that made it worse. I thought that would help it didn't help. Okay, so the show opens at Bethany's new apartment. You guys, that's a huge step because Bethany's been a homeless. Bethany, oh my god, she's homeless. She passes homeless people and she's like, oh my god, I know what you're going through. I'm totally homeless. It's horrible, isn't it? It's awful. You know, but I love it. I love to be in my box because I got walls all around me, walls everywhere. My walls are up. Yeah, so today she was literally in a place where walls were being put up, and she was walking around to each one like, oh, what are you doing? You're putting the wall up. Good for you. I would see you guys. Remember me? Look at you. You're putting the wall up. The walls are up. Yapping, yapping, yapping. Listen, illegal limit girls do not get paid enough to be listening to this bitch come in there for a day, yapping like that. She shut up. She literally said, how was he a yesterday? Oh my god, how much you got there? Like you were there yesterday. Go home. Oh, she doesn't have one. Go to the park bench, Bethany. Go to the box. Go to the Hamptons. She's like, it's so hard. I live in the Plaza Hotel presidential suite. It's killing me. Is this the one she got on her mattress that was like drugs? Yes. Oh, so then Carol comes over. Something weird is happening with Carol this year. She's doing this thing where she's dating a toddler. She's getting married. Go for it. I mean, I think it was a high school. Who cares, really? I mean, he's got a beard, so he's of age, right? Yeah. He's 28, 29. By the way, we had this whole discussion about this guy. He's 28, 29. I think it nullifies the entire discussion. He's old enough. Who cares? Like this whole issue of like a lewance, nieces, acts or whatever. And he's not like, not like he's 18 enough enough. Yeah, you have to talk closer to click on like this. I know. I'm sorry. I'm drifting out into the back. Do you want to move over this? No, I'm good. Oh, the shade is coming. Do you want to wear this hat? I would like to wear that as a hat, yes. Okay. So anything to sweet Carly. I love you. You're the best sister. Not a gay sister, like my literal sister. She's so hot. She got the lits. All right. So Carol comes in. Yeah. So Carol's doing this weird thing. So she's screwing a young guy. And you know how people are always saying, oh, it's so different. You know, why can men do it and women can't do it? Like we all don't make fun of the men who are screwing younger women. Get out of here. We're all judging that too. Okay. Human beings have one thing consistent. We judge each other like crazy. We don't give a shit. What's going on? You could be dating someone your own age and we'll be like, yeah, we don't care. We'll pick something. Yeah. So might as well date a smooth one, I guess. Anyway, who can cook? I mean, that's a plus as well. Yeah, I think Carol's done a great job. She got a hot guy you can cook. I mean, what else? Why does she have to keep justifying this to anyone? Good for her. Well, she's not. She's that's right. Well, Luann, obviously she and Luann are going to have an issue. The rumor is that she and Luann almost came to blows during the reunion, which is hilarious because I don't think it ever, our real house at the New York City arena has ever gotten physical. No, but once Miami did it, now they're all doing it. Yeah. And Atlanta, but no, Atlanta was the one who broke the mold. That was when Lisa Wuhartwell in the first season, she stood off and like knocked over the couch or something like that. Or knocked over a couch? Or maybe she said she's going to knock someone over a couch. Whatever it was, there was a couch involved. That's gentle. She's still knocking them over a couch. It's like the nice way they do it. I don't know. That actually sounds kind of fun. Adriana, I think, got throttled. That's worse. There was no couch. It was like Tara caught a tile. Yeah. So anyway, once those people started it, all went down. But anyway, Harold's dating a child now, so now she's dressing like Mrs. Hannigan. Her big Hannigan for many. She's wearing this big fur. What? When did she start doing that? She went to forever 21 clothes to like some weird fur and she's like, "I love your house." There are so many places for a ping-pong ball to call and they're not picked up. Oh shit. I just got another beer. Other than my sister, only because of peeing and sorry. Okay. So B is transitioning and it's, oh, I put B is, Bethany says, "Oh, I'm in transition, I'm transitioning." Which I was going to say, explain to her hormones. Sorry. I love transgender jokes right now. I don't know why. Because people hate them. That's why I'm getting in trouble for them. And I'm like, "Oh, find a way to make a big joke!" Dick jokes are always welcomed. So Bryn, Bryn has some crystal and some crystal. Oh yeah, she has a chandelier. Oh, by the way, chandeliers are like the new oh man in the real housewives. Okay, we've seen chandeliers, some real houses in Orange County. We know how that worked out. Later on, we'll be talking about a chandelier in Secrets and Wives. We definitely know how that worked out. And now there's a chandelier in Bryn's bedroom. I mean, it's just, it's bad news. Yeah, chandeliers are not good, brainstorming on her mother very soon. She'll be like, "This is my new mommy." Chandeliers, chandeliers. Bethany will just be like, blu-tooping herself up and down really slowly or like more chandelier. Um, what was I going to say about that? Hold on, hold on. Just, oh yeah, she was saying, "Oh, I'll just, I've got all these work to do everything." But it was really hard to add to give them all blow jobs. Listen. All right, go on. You were saying about working? Yes. Do I have to put this together tonight? No, I will. It's on my laptop. Okay. Uh, Luann made it. Oh, so they just gossiped about what happened the other night at that other party. And Carol was saying, "We were having a dreadful, cool episode." And I just like that she was saying, "Dreadful, in a big fur coat." I don't know why. Uh, everyone has done that here. You read them. They're more fun when you try and figure them out. All right, I'm just trying to know what they mean. But when you hear that, when you read them, they make questions. You're Miss America or Miss New Jersey. Okay, so this is when they go to that party. Oh, yeah. And everyone's being nice. Okay, this is the diamonds and denim party. Diamonds and denim. Kristen's party. 'Cause Kristen's charity is like raising money for kids with bad smile. What is it? Yeah. Cluck out. Cluck out. Beautiful smiles. They're just need adjustments. She's like, "I have a beautiful smile. I can't wait to give speeches to children with cluck out." Like, what the hell kind of charity is that? I mean, what's her name? Kristen. She's pretty. Uh, so they're all being really nice to each other. And then Ramona comes in. She's like, like, taking the whole thing over. And she walks with a hostess who's like, "What is she? Miss New Jersey or something?" Miss New Jersey, yes. And Ramona's like, "What are you? Miss America or something?" Oh, no, Jersey. She's like, "Oh." I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You look like Miss America. Okay. I said it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know the difference between America, the USA and New Jersey. So what? I said it. You know what? I find your sash to be very day classy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know what? Oh, this reminds me of this one time when I was younger. I tried to be in a pageant, but then my dad dropped me off in the woods and said the pageant. And I didn't win anything. Okay. So I just can't do pageant anymore. All right? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. One time. My dad was taking a nap and my mother came home from work on the farm in the barque shirt. And it was very late in the afternoon. And she was wearing denim. And so I'm like, "So I'm making this noise." And my father woke up and got so mad that he threw a zucchini noodle in a face. And I can no longer wear denim. I'm sorry. I support children with bad smiles. That's it. Whoa. Whoa. This is crazy. This reminds me of this one time. Whoa. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm having a memory. Whoa. Whoa. This is weird. This is really weird right now. Okay. One time I was in the bars, in the Berkshires, and I came across this guy named Lee. And I was like, "Lee, where are the jeans?" And he said, "Oh, you're making a joke about Lee jeans?" And I was like, "No. I don't get it." He's like, "Oh, you just made a joke." And I was like, "What? I don't get it. Why are you making fun of me?" I started crying and there were trees around and I just ran away. I'm sorry. It's a lot of bad memories, okay? All right. What happened next? Charity for people who've been sweat on. That's what her charity should be. What are you giving it to something you know nothing about growing up with a horrible smile? Give it to someone who's been sweat on. That's her big trauma to see. I know. A boxer in a ring sweat on her and she was like, "You guys! I got sweat on!" That's like her thing. She talked about it for five episodes. That's what everyone here in the front row of this podcast gonna say when I shake my head in five seconds. What's next? Are you skipping over things? Well, I don't know. I don't know. You are. You are. Damn you. I took ten pages of notes. We're doing our own notes and stop touching the cable. Oh, damn it. You see you made me do it. All right. Look, look. This is the podcast every single week. Sam Manch. I got I got sweat stains on his notes. Who said they hate Switzerland? Does that remember who said they hate Switzerland? I don't know. Oh, Bethany felt like Switzerland. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of like to know Switzerland. I mean, we've made a dreadful fool of itself. Wait, where's the party? Oh, Charity event. Dust it off. Oh, she's like, yeah, and Kristen's other thing is everybody else's old. Like, that's her big burn. For people on the Real Housewives, that's always their big burn. Like, that was Brandy Glamville's mind. She's like, hey, you're all old. At least I'm not old. Yeah, but you're like a drug addict's game. Who can't give her shit money? There's a shirtless guy for you. Nice work, buddy. Nice work. Yeah. Look at him taking a picture of the muscle guy on the other side. He actually just took a selfie. He literally just took a picture of that muscular guy on the... No, he took a picture of himself. No, look at the poster. It's like Lou Ferrigno or something coming to town. Maybe that's him on the poster. Oh my god, nice work. You know what, it's such a turnoff when you find out that people actually have to work for it, right? Look, back I checked him out. You're gay. I love Brandy. Just gay enough. Charity for people who've been swinging on. Speaking of just gay enough, back to the podcast. And look, a man with hair on his chest. We don't see that where we live. They're like, okay, press her, it's your Miss America. Josh. Josh is so supportive when there's cameras there, because you know that shit ain't right at home. He's like, oh, you're doing so much for charity. And what is it called? It's like pile on a smile or something. I don't know. I, you know, poor Kristen, she's so boring this season. I liked her last year and she's so boring. I can't even remember anything about her denim fundraiser or her charity. She's just waiting to get through her scenes to get to the good stuff. So Ramona and Sonia go wander off and these, this group, this like gaggle of gays come up to them, you know, because they watch their show obviously. And they're like, oh my god, it's Ramona Sonia girl. Like they're all excited. And Sonia's like, they just want to have sex with us. Let's go. Yeah. And then they're like beating up the gays. They're like, they just want to have sex with us. I was like, yeah, Ramona has to sort of like get over this thing. Like just, you know, she's doing that thing. She's like, I'm single in the airport. Everyone wants to have sex with me. I'm like, Ramona, I'm sorry to say you're in New York City. And these guys can do like a little bit better than you are. Well, I don't know, they were young enough and she's rich enough. That's how it works. Y'all there's a pecking order. Oh, you're right. You're right. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm then John entered. I wish John had a scene. I even wrote that John entered because he's like the big like sopranos. He entered the red dot. He entered the wall like the Kool-Aid man. Yeah. It's like I'll have a I'll have a vodka soda with some wetted ham, please. The red dot bowls, Heather is side. Okay. So then Heather and Durinda had their top. Yeah. Okay. So this is how you fight with Heather. Durinda's like, listen, Heather, I just wanted to have a talk, Mr. Jensen, because I was finishing vacuuming and I realized that I fished a spot with you with it. And I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Fred Chips, you want me, I care. And Heather's like, yeah. You know, you seem really angry. You seem really angry. Durinda's like, well, I was feeling crazy in my house. They died and then my daughter got stuck in a trade track. I mean, whatever her thing is. And then Durinda did start acting crazy. And she was like, there was a year. The past two years have been full of crazy crayons. Oh, yeah. That was such a thing going red crayon, black crayon, black crayon, red crayon. That was my next note. I was like waiting for this note to come in. I was like, when does the crayon part happen? What was like, Durinda's like, yeah, the past two years, there was so much chaos. I was really drawn with a chaos, man. I put the chaos crayon back. But now it's time to take the chaos crayon. I'm like, what are you talking about a chaos? There's something missing. And of course, and they don't even make sense. What is a chaos crayon? The reaching chaos crayon. I took my discombobulation shop, the out of the box, wacky watercolor type, who wants to build it. Durinda, so she keeps apologizing Heather's like, she's like, but really has that seriously. I'm sorry we got that fight. Heather's like, yeah, that was nuts. I was worried about you. Okay, Heather, I'm sorry that we got that fight. Sorry about the crazy crayon colors. And Heather's like, well, I appreciate that. I accept your applause. She's like, goodbye, Felicia. Good bye. Paula, I'm Audi 5000 now. I work for Giddy. I know how to say goodbye, Felicia. Goodbye, comma, Felicia. Avidus and Felicia, sincerely, comma heaven. Heather's like, and we all know that slang about the Cosby show, right? Felicia, right? That's what that's about, right? It's about the end of the show and we have goodbye to the audience, right? I get it. I'm cool. I'm good like that. So then we get a shot at Ramona eating in her derp. The only reason I had to write this down, what the fuck is wrong with her? She's she takes a bread off the. Okay, this is her. Some guy comes by. 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We know you can't stay on vacation forever, but a trip to Aruba, honestly, it just never ends, because the happiness and relaxation you feel in your bones, it just stays with you. Book your trip today at Aruba.com. She's like, "I won't have sex with you." And he's like, "I'm just offering you an order." So she takes it and she's like, "Ew, bread!" So she opens it, and then starts gutting the bread, you know, like thin people do it in a subway. Yeah, or the bagel shop. Who does that? Why would you get bread and pickled? Get out of here. I refuse. If I'm having bread, I'm going to vlog. Yeah, exactly. But she's like, she's like gutting the bread out, and then she puts it back on the thing. We know it has a color on it. The producers, every episode, when there's a party, the producers always have a kind of way to Ramona, like examining hors d'oeuvres or like looking at glasses and things, because she's always like, she just gets so intensely like investigative about it. She's like, all right, what's this over here? This is like some bread with some tuna tartar. All right, all right, all right, I'll see. All right, is it tuna? Is it tuna? I think it's tuna. Yeah, it's tuna. It's tuna. It's tuna. So she gets the bread, and Sony is just sitting there walking, because Sony is always like, that's fabulous Ramona, you know, and Sony goes, Sony goes, she should treat a man like that. What does that mean? Got him, eat him, and leave the remnants and someone else's denim purse. Like what the hell kind of advice is that? That's probably your problem. So then Kristen gives her speech about like how she made this wonderful nail polish line for children who can't smile, right? I'm there. Okay, so then it's like the big conflict. You know, somebody on our Facebook the other day was like, nothing's happening this season. I was like, it's not the point. When does anything ever happen? Nothing happens. You're like, be cool. Don't be all light. Don't fuck cool. So Ramona starts getting mad because this whole thing is all Heather's yummy pants or whatever, like her spank trip off. She can't even do it like yesterity or we can do, like where it's interesting. She puts the vowel and spells it wrong, like that makes it worse. Yeah, Ramona's whole beef was that she had donated six of her necklaces, and they, I guess, Kristen didn't say it was truth, faith, jewelry, which I mean admittedly, if you donate, you're supposed to... Ramona didn't donate shit. She showed up to some crafting party with necklaces in her purse, and so she could get on the thing, and then she was like, look, it's true faith. I'm totally there now. The boy at fake faith, but now Mario's on, and I'm free. My faith is true. Look at me. Everything's new. And she started putting them on all these jeans. No one asked for that shit on their skinny jeans. Nobody wants your chief player's jewelry on their... And why is she still doing that jewelry? Is that Mario's, is that his jewelry line? Like, why is she still shilling that? Like, why is it yummy everywhere? Everywhere I look, there's yummy. How come you couldn't put yummy? Ramona truth faith. And Heather just goes, walk away Ramona. Good bye Felicia. Yeah, this is when she said that. That's when she said goodbye Felicia. Or did she say, did she even say, "buh-bye Felicia?" She said goodbye last week. She said goodbye Felicia last week on the buh-bye this week. Mexican's gonna be like, farewell Felicia. Godspeed Felicia. Smell you later Felicia. You're actually too funny for her. She's like Felicia's new cast member, right? Ramona went on this rant. I mean, not putting Ramona under there. That's a slap against sisterhood. I mean, that is a slam against womanhood and entrepreneurship. It's like, make up your mind. Set up what feminism is. Set the woman who is always the first to tear down all the other women as soon as she has. Yeah, exactly. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead, God. Sorry. I was just gonna say, I'm sorry. That's all I have to say. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And then she goes, "Oh, thank you. This is the best podcast we ever had because we actually have alcohol creatures that are right." Arriving. I didn't care that I'm sweating like a mule. The mule sweat, I assume they did. That did a lot for sisterhood. And this is the slam against sisterhood. This is wrong, but I'm secure. And then the first thing she got is a beeline right over there. All I wanted to say, I was just gonna say, I didn't have anything to say because I was just enjoying all the pictures of the missing lips. But I just wanted to say, while I've got you here, the signs are big, they could just say true fate. I mean, what's wrong with that? And Heather's like, "Goodbye farewell, I'll be the same." Heather donated her entire denim inventory to this thing. So why is she so nice too? That was the cheapest ass advertising she's ever had. She put up who donates to a charity and then gets like billboards put all over the face like, "Yummy!" Well, that's actually not helping their mouths, but we will make them look good neutrons. Well, to be fair, when you do donate to a charity event and you donate a lot of stuff, you do get like billboards. Is that big? I mean, that shit was everywhere. Speaking of lectures, we'd like to donate to Watch Our Crap ins. Well, thank you to On The Show. Look, that's us, Steve Harvey. That's us, that's our billboard. Steve Harvey donated to Watch Our Crap ins. And now he's on TV. Women, don't be hoes. That's my advice, Steve Harvey. Okay, um, Heather, you're going to change lives. Oh, I don't know what they were fighting about, but then Heather was like, "Ramona, what's your cause? What's in your heart? What's in your heart?" Ramona. And Ramona's like, homeless people, homeless people. That's not what she says. I don't even remember that name. So it's like, what is it? Oh, domestic abuse. Oh, that's better. Oh, that's right. Homeless people. The message? She's like, if you think domestic abuse. Yeah, Aviba. Oh, Aviba. Footless Aviba. By the way, who doesn't have a foot on this show? If you think, if you think that Ramona cares about homeless people for even a fraction of a second, you are sadly mistaken. She's like, "Why are all the butlers dressed sleeping on the street? Why are all the butlers there? I'm sorry they should get out of the streets and get themselves a job. That's all. They can go to AOA. We need a new waiter at AOA. Sorry, Geraldine Parsons Smith is hiring. Okay. Do I need to do it by the way? Do I have to explain Geraldine Parsons Smith again? I think I always have to explain Geraldine Parsons Smith. She's not real people. It's like, who is Geraldine Parsons Smith? Geraldine thought that was like the Maya Angelou type until like a month ago. I was like, "That's a famous black actress. She's very good." That sounds like a very talented woman. She does not. She does not exist. It was when we were making jokes last season when, uh, when, uh, Kristin was doing... Yeah, Kristin was geocaching and she's trying to, uh, do, like, do this GPS thing and we were doing a run about Ramona being like, "Okay, I couldn't do GPS. It's reminding me of my father's friend, Geraldine Parsons Smith, whose initials are GPS." So that's why Geraldine Parsons Smith is the thing. Because people are asked that all the time and they're like, "What?" They're like, "I love your podcast." But who's Geraldine Parsons Smith? Why do you always mention her? Like, she doesn't exist. So then after this party, does anything else happen to you? Well, they do. I don't think anything else happens in this party, but I did like the only shot we got of John was when people were walking up to him and he's talking to some hot chick and like a bustier. Of course, that guy hooked up. Fat girls, be more confident because fat man hooked fat shit up. There's no insecurity there and you know it's like pulling a shag rug when you hug that guy. And I'm judging because I'm close. Not a shag. I'm like, but I will be one day. Uh, but yeah, don't give a hug. Fat gay guys care, but fat straight guys do not care. Fat gay guys are like, "What the hell are you doing so much more?" But fat straight guys are like, "Yeah, get over here, 20 year old, yeah." Ronnie, you should come out last time. We went to a beer bar. A bear bar? Yeah, a beer bar. Where's that? The half of the bear bar here? Yeah, like over there. What was it? What was it called again? What was it called? Iron bear. We went to the iron bear and iron bear. I need a bear who irons. They have those. Bring them on. There's probably a chat room for that fetish. Oh, and then we started with Carol and Luan Diggs because, uh, Luan was making cracks like, "Oh, who are you dating?" Oh, well, at least the guys we had sex with were 40. Unlike, that's what I mean, Carol's like, "Well, I guess all the cool kids are sleeping with me, eight men now, seven children. Guess I got it wrong." It's all about bringing women together these shows. That's why they go out in the reunion because Carol's giving her shit about sleeping with that married man. Um, well, I was gonna say about, I don't know, my next thing is, they went to a married man all the time. I don't see what the problem is. So, more or less, the next thing that they did is they went to a Turkish coffee reader, right? Is that what happened next, right? Everyone, right, right? Oh yeah, they went to that coffee place in Queens. What was in the coffee place? It was an old lady who made coffee. An old lady who made coffee and she was reading things. It's like my grandma's house. I was like, "Oh my god, do you know there ain't no plumbing in there?" By the way, everything's lit by candlelight. All the windows are open. I really wanted someone to have coffee, by the way. It looks really good. I mean, it looked like Jet's-- It did not look good. I loved it. I loved it. I was like, "What a lovely home." Dorinda's such a liar. She's like, "What a lovely home, Mr. Jetson." Oh, this coffee is delicious. And they cut to her and she's like, "I wanted to die." She's like, "Back the fuck up. Back it up. Back it up right now." Get better. Back it up, Mr. Staff. If that tea says anything about my daughter, I'll rip your balls off and something, then you're from Mr. Staff. You get Mr. Coffee in here right now. I got something to say to him, okay? Back it up. I'm going to rip off Mr. Coffee in the balls. Who's Carrick? Who's Carrick? I'll put a hole in Carrick. Bring him in here. That's how they work. My parents have one. Do you know how you do it? You put it in a thing and then you press it and it's like-- I have a CVTL. What's that? It's the coffee being a tea leaf version? It's awful. No, don't cut there. Just kidding. I mean, coffee mugs of sugar-free hazelnut cancer in my coffee. Coffee mugs don't fit in it. Like, you can't get in on the stove. Get out of here, fly. I'm going to rip your balls off, fly. Hey, fly. You better back the fuck up. Back it up, okay? Hey, fly. I thought we were going to walk into this podcast together. Okay, fine. I guess you're not that sort of woman. You know, everything I own smells like a lot of burger right now. Everything, imagine all of you. I went there for the first time. I went there. What did you get? I feel like you honey butter. Okay, that's good. Okay. So here's my first, my first and only experience of what a burger is so far. We ordered and then while we're waiting there, a centipede fell from the ceiling. Last night I was-- I thought what a burger? Yeah, what a burger. Well, back in the old days when they were still like slaughtering the cows in the back and then putting them in the grinder, which is kind of what it felt like. There would be a little bits of bone in the what, remember that? He was like, well, what do you think they walked around with? That's how they became good meat. That's, you know, that's actually a really good excuse. What do you think they walked around with? My dad can make up an excuse. I don't know so much false information. My dad doesn't know he will make that shit up. He doesn't dare. And do it with confidence. Well, I have to say, I enjoyed my honey, honey biscuit chicken. Oh, yeah, water burger. Something, another-- That's all the sex I'm getting here. Looking at that place on my plate. They put everything in there. Salt, meat, fat, sugar. You know that break got sugar. Okay, why are we talking about this? Sorry, water burger's great. Yeah. They're supporting us today. So anyway, there was some psychics. I don't know, we have to talk about it because the psychics on the Real Housewives are amazing. They're always good. The psychic in Morocco called Ramona's husband's affair. Yes. And even said what didn't she say was like some young long girl or something. Yeah. And Ramona was like, how dare she? Who put her up to that? That is ridiculous. That is okay. And if we're going into a tent again, I'm never talking to anybody who hears things again. This was ridiculous. But she was right. Two years later, Mario's on Tinder. But I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care if it becomes something. Can I have it to go box in case Mario comes back? Okay. I don't care. Um, bye-bye Felicia. No, wait, the psychic said really good things to them. The psychic said something about a scrape on a car. And Carol's like, "I saved my husband's car. And that was our only thought." Oh, oh, wait, there was-- There was something like, that was good. There was something with a scrape. There was something that made me laugh. And I felt bad because it was sort of around the realm of death. But the psychic was like talking to Durinde was like, "I see a balloon." And Durinde's like, "That's so crazy because when Richard died, a balloon came in my room and I knew it was Richard." And then they cut to herself on the hill of a balloon, just floating down there like everyone saying goodbye to Richard. I was like, "What sort of lunacy is this?" Like, I'm like, "I know that's pretty key." That was not freaky. That was a balloon. It was a balloon that floated into the room. I mean, it was-- I understand, like, in a moment of grief, like, it means a lot. But when you're an outsider watching on TV, you're just watching a video of a balloon. Yeah, it's like, like, that half balloon. It was like the red-- it was like a terrible version of a red balloon, you know? It's like, where's the French orphan, you know? Like, say goodbye to Richard, say goodbye to Richard. After Richard died, like, something happened and then the balloon, all the balloons died or something. All the balloons stayed on the floor, but one root balloon rose up and gave it-- But what rose up? No, but it rose up and then it, like, went down the whole way and then caved it to my bedroom. And she was like, "Hey balloon, back the fuck off. Go back to the balloons, okay?" It came close to my door, the balloon. Don't say anything about the balloon, okay? I said what you're trying to do with the hair, okay? Get off her. I mean, it's cool. I get it. And it was cool, the psychic, by the way, was able to perceive that this balloon was somehow born to her, because, I mean, who the hell knew about a balloon? The dead balloon goes. Well, she knew something about Heather's son getting kid hearing aids or something. Oh, yeah. And she's like, "You'll have doctor? You'll have doctor with brown face, maybe Indian." And she's like, "Yes, yes." And they're like, "Oh, he's Indian?" She's like, "What's he saying?" She's like, "Oh, whoa!" She's like, "No, he's part of Rican." I was like, "All brown people are not the same, Heather, all right?" She's like just substituting a brown person. She's like, "He's brown." She's like, "My child." She's like, "He just went to the islands. He just got a tan. She's so right." I hope that everything works out for her deaf son. Well, he's not deaf. He's going deaf. No, I mean, as callous and like, awful as we are, I mean, I think that whole sort of line with her son is like, very poor. I don't want the kids to have problems. You don't become a real dick until you're 18. Children, you excuse? Believe it or not, we're actually nice guys. And we do care about the well-being of some these people. Look, they're buying it. Yeah, kid, but I hope for that kid's sake. I hope his, I hope his hearing comes back perfectly when he's like 18 and out of the house, because if his hearing comes back now and has to listen to Heather all day, he's going to be poking that shit out with knitting needles. He'll be like, "No, undo, undo, undo." So I only have one more note for New York. I know that there was some other stuff that happened. Bethany went through her shrink. Who caused your shrink on TV? Yeah. Was he ever, I would never, I would never err on my show on TV. I would just talk about other people's shit. If she's so controlling, he said, "Yeah, you never will talk to me about your business. You always shut me out." She's like, "And how does that make you feel?" And he's like, "Shut up." My walls are up. If you ask about my business, I'll be on the floor trying right now. I'll be trying, okay, trying. I feel like this is almost done, but I guess we have to talk about Heather. Heather showed her boyfriend off to the caring people. So here's my only note about the little dinner party that ended that episode. Was that when Carol, I think, was going shopping with her boyfriend or whatever, and you get some parsley. Her response was, "Shaps love parsley." I'm like, "This isn't some exotic thing here, of course." It's like a staple. That's not some great revelation. It's like they love using butter and oil and salt and pepper. Yeah, yeah, it's called cooking. Everything that he made for dinner, she's like, "Look, he made him scratch." It's like guacamole. He like undid a avocado. He wrapped her avocado. She's like, "Shh, shh, shh." So, all right. First things first, I have to congratulate everyone for getting through an hour of-- That was a long time. --this ridiculousness. So give her something out of a bar. I can't believe you guys are all still here listening to us battle on like this. This is hard even when I'm not drinking a lot of vodka. That was my daughter for two years. Julia's here, Julia's here. I don't know who Julia is, but she's just a lovely man in a dark way. That's for my jeans. I have to give a shout out to my boyfriend who's behind Julia, all right? Yeah, hotness. Dominique, where's Dominique at? Dominique back there. Look, darling. Julia's looking at him. I'm periscope. Sorry, periscope. There he is. There he is. So good. He's waving. He's being a good trooper because he's both-- not only is he sitting outside, but he hasn't seen any of these shows in forever, so he has probably no idea what we're talking about. We got to seek Jennifer Hudson to support you. Holiday. You get to be your bad child death jokes. Holiday. Jennifer Holiday. What did I say? Hudson. Sorry. They should not-- they should have cast Fantasia because I would not be making that mistake. You can't have a Jennifer Holiday play one role, and then a Jennifer Hudson play the other role, and they also both do this when they sing. Like they do that. They do that same weird enunciation. Worth it. Worth every single second. They'll walk Jennifer. They'll walk Jennifer Holiday out too. That was my favorite thing. Jennifer Holiday is like 55, okay? She's not that old, and they bring her out. Every time she comes out, they have this hot, hot guy walking her house. It's like, just get a dolly. Just dolly her ass out there. Stick room in the middle. That's what you do when you're probably royalty. That's what you do. Okay, so let's move on to-- No, wait. We have to do the next week because we didn't talk about the dead husband's wife. So their husband's side, and they're going to go be nice, I guess, and London to the-- I want a husband in London, and then I want him to die, and I want him to give me everything. But next week, this is what I was going to say about it. This show is so insensitive. They're like showing what-- they're like next week on the Real Housewives of New York. And then it shows Carol lying in that hotel room with her hand on an urn, and like, soft, like crying. And then it cuts to strippers. It's like male strippers, like griming their dicks, and they're like, "What's going on? Who's so terrible?" Well, that's a great segue because there were secrets, I mean, strippers and secrets, on truly my favorite show right now. Secrets and wives. I mean, this New York stuff isn't fun, but I mean, I am just waiting for my house too long. Secrets and wives. Did anyone watch Secrets and Wives this week? So who actually watches this show? Not many people, right? We got a thumbs down from-- You can't even find the show illegally on that. They have so many empty glasses over here. They're going to be chucking them at us until next week. I don't think they have a waiter yet. We're a lot of people here in the day, because it's hot. People come here and do it. It is hot. All right. Secrets and wives. It's a season finale, so it's very important. Nothing ever happens on this show, and it's really important that we see how nothing ends. All right. So it starts off with Corey doing her usual thing where she goes, "This garbage stinks." That's how the show opens. This garbage stinks. That's basically the entire season of the show. Yeah. This garbage stinks. It's like the theme of Secrets and Wives. So Liza is planning a farewell party to her brick mansion, and her whole thing is that she's got her gay friends in there. They're going to do a whole big thing to get 40 people. I think we actually have more people here than we're at Liza's party for her farewell. That wasn't even Liza's farewell party. She's like, "I'd like to say goodbye to my house, because I have to give up my house, because my kids are going to school." And so I'm saying, "Bye, house! Bye! I'm going to have a party! Power up Liza!" And I have bodies! I'm going to shut up. Everything she says, she's like, "I'm Liza!" And I zip my bags, and keep everything fresh. Oh, we're going to have power. Thank you. Oh, wow. It feels luxurious. I feel like the late Whitney Houston dabbing myself. Oh, in a map. I say that, because we're in Texas, so you can mention things with Houston in it. So people are like, "Yeah, Houston!" So they're planning, and I love Liza. She's like, "Oh, my God. I just got to fit in my stomach. I got to fit in my stomach! Apparelized!" You're just having a party, okay? Just relax. I'm going to have to go through this house. What am I going to do with all this furniture? And then they show the furniture, and it's like thrift store crap, and like some pink oriental rep. That's it. Don't make sense. It makes Ashley furniture look classy, all right? This is just like, some shitty ass stuff. Like faux Louis XIV house of Versailles. Yeah, that's like when Luann Fabrics has that, like, going out of business sale. Joann Fabrics. I like the idea of Luann Fabrics too. Your fabric just judges you the whole time you're sitting on it. Yeah. So they're having this party, but the whole time they were saying, "Oh, this is my going away from my house! Bon beige house! Bon beige!" It's her mom's birthday party. Like they never mentioned that until the end. What? We put an asshole daughter. She took her mom's birthday party and was like, "Bye house! She doesn't have anywhere to move into you. Let's steal your house. Shout out. Get your mother a cake." So then we move on to Jonathan's solo business, solo paddle business, where Max quit. Max had two out of a time doing nothing at this ridiculous business. So he quits, Jonathan's like, "Look, all I'm gonna say is you're kind of a loser. You don't do shit. You come in here, you sit there and text on your phone. I mean, what's that? That's not selling solo." And Max is like, "You know, I gotta be honest. This isn't for me." And then later he tells his mom, "He told me it wasn't for me, mom, and then he abused me. Bring me out on the street." Yeah. So she's like, "Did he make you feel depressed, Max? I don't want you to feel depressed, Max." She puts this on Insta, Max. Yeah. So I put this on Insta. Put your emotions on Insta. What a spoiled little prick. He doesn't, he shows up late to work. And then he eventually says he is not for him. And then he goes and he tells his mom, he alludes the fact that he was fired. Yeah, liar. And then she's like, "Oh, Max." And she doesn't even care about that, because she's giving you money anyway. And you know that solo company is just front. And then he says, "They were like, "Max is eight hours late for work." And it was like two in the afternoon. What you're working at four in the morning or what? I don't do math. I don't know. I hope that's right. But I love Max's like bullshit response to mom. He's like, "Mom." He's like, "I just want to be so successful what I do and be happy to." And she's like, "Me too, man. That's why I don't care about all these things." Yeah. He said, "I don't care about success, mom. I just want to be happy." And she's like, "I support that, Max." Really? You're about to. She's like, "Max, I just want a new table for you to break. Okay, Max? I support you." I got you. No, I can't do it, Max. Max, if you don't have a job, office is going to be mad at me, Max. Oh, no, all of the office to be so mad. It's only three of you watching the show. This show is like the anti-feminism, okay? All that bush growing glorious time and did that. All that, letting her armpit hair grow. That shit is out the window. Women have reversed. On this show, there's no job listings for women. There's like personal lands, and that's it. Yeah. That's all they do. This show makes Laura sign them, turn over in her grave, and she ain't even dead yet, okay? She's not even dead to me, but he has a job, and everyone's like, "Yeah, good at it, girl. Yeah, girl power." But then we also, okay, so then we also have Steven Grow Power. We have Gail. Gail is the wife of Steven, the plastic surgeon, the stods of Long Island. So Gail's whole thing is that, so Steven has these receptionists, these slutty receptionists. He's boning every receptionist and new paratid. Every one of them. And when he walks in, they're like, "Hi, hi." And then when the wife walks in, they're like, "Hi." They, the receptionist, hate the wife. The wife hates the receptionist. The wife does her power play, that she makes them all get blazers. So she gets these shitty little blazers. It's like, "I work with my husband. I don't just let my husband do his own business. I am a part of this business." And these sluts are getting white blazers. That's it, they're all wearing blazers. And I love that she described it to Liza. Liza is so literal in mind that she's like, she's like, "I think they should cover the ladies up." And Liza's like, "Little, little, that's huge." Do you hear that? She says, "Little, just a little, huge." It's like, Liza, that was the joke. That was Gail's joke. Oh my God, they're huge. Did you see that? Oh my God, they just got Liza's. But Gail, oh my God, Gail, you just got Liza. Gail, you just got blazers by Liza. Oh my God, I can't believe she said that. You just got blazers. She said that, she said that little, that little ladies are huge, they're so big. Oh my God, I gotta fit in my stomach. It's so funny. So that, that couple's fight is that Gail wants an office and the husband's like, "You don't do shit here." And she's like, "Yes, I do." I come in here, I say, "Hello." I bring you a salad that you don't eat. And then I make people wear blazers. I need an office. And he's like, "No, you don't." So they were in a fight. And by the way, by the way, let's talk about those blazers because those blazers made those receptors look like they were in the slutty Hogwarts. It was like the porno version of Harry Potter. It was like the worst blazers they had, like a crest. I mean, it was, those were bad. I was on the side of the reception. Those were bad blazers. That's not-- The only reason they looked slutty is because he put the boobs too big inside him, they're supposed to be like basically bought them curtains and tried to put them in these ugly horrible like school uniforms. But their boobs are so big that they're like tied around the waist. And they actually look hot. Gail could not have been happier. By the way, have you noticed that Gail is one of those people who frowns when she smiles? You ever see people like that? When instead of like smiling, they go like this. She's like, "Who the--" She's so happy she's frowning. I'm sorry, I just spat on you. I just spat on the first row. You're like Kristin now. "Bobby Flu" is coming everywhere. All right, so then we see Jonathan's season. They're like, Jonathan's the one who went to jail and their big romantic story is when Susan's like, "We met three weeks before I went to jail. We only got to have sex once." And so when he got out at Blue McDonald's parking lot, like that's literally their romance story. She's like, "I gave him a close up at McDonald's." Ahhh! I would have taken him to Wendy for the next girlfriend in Wendy. You can't make that shit. I want to take him to Burger King because he's my king. Jonathan, you're my king. Stop turning off the fire alarms, Jonathan. Jonathan, do you feel nauseous right now? Okay. Jonathan, wash your thumb before dinner. He lost the US thumb up Wendy's ass. That's why it's his favorite restaurant. So the thing that's funny is like they're the four low class one because everyone on this show thinks they're really high class and they're like, "In Long Islands, we use sports without dinner." By the way, as I know you hear Binge Along Island or those people might have... This show is 100% accurate. I just want to say that 100%. In Long Island, we have windows in our homes. Please, we all got windows in our homes. In Long Island, no kids got a middle school in the high school. That's why you got a middle school education. So Susan and Jonathan are like the four ones and they're the only happy ones on this show. I don't know what that says. I think... Oh, wait a second. Question from the audience. You can cut apart guys. This is the most professional part of the podcast. The question was where did I grow up in New York? We have two New Yorkers. I grew up in Catona, New York, in Westchester County. I just nod to where were you from? He's from Brooklyn. All right. Brooklyn. But that's what's happening right here. Williamsburg, baby. He's here. Wait, he lives in Williamsburg. I lived there for six years and I was like, "This town has too many fucking stairs." Everywhere is a stair. You can't go to a goddamn target without there being five stories. Why does it need to be five stories in the target? Parallelized, I'm paralyzed! By all the staircases. So anyway, they're big stories. Nothing happens on the show either. Literally, yeah. Literally, the fire alarm went off. The fire alarm went off when he was making toast. This is why I love this show, because that would be my storyline. It'd be like, "Oh my God, you guys, I set up the fire alarm today." I was paralyzed! There was smoke. I forgot to clean my stove. I'm paralyzed! So then meanwhile, we go back to Gail. We go back to Gail. No, I got my nose now. I got the wall. You're never going to go to my house. So then we go back to Gail, who after five episodes, being like, "Steve, and I want to get my own office, and I want to get my office in the plastic surgery building." She finally gets an office. Okay. As a tiny, tacky little closet. And then he's like, "This'll be where you're working." And she literally says, "Well, I don't know about that." We just had some five episodes saying that you need to work. All right. And now you're not even going to work in the office. And he carved out for you. He gave her a mirror desk. Who does that? Who does that? You ever, like, when you're about to take a selfie, you know how when you're about to take a selfie and you're like getting it ready down here, and then you have to look at what you look like from down here. Not cute. He's like, "Yeah." Yeah. Making your wife insecure. Who wants to, like, be working and have to look at this all day? Not cute. I was, by the way, by the way, we have to, is anyone even still watching some Periscope? If you are, they've been watching the cameras but at an angle for an hour. It's been like this for an hour. Whoever's there. You guys. Thank you. I'm making my towel brown. All right. How? So I'm not wearing tanner. I just took a shower. How is, how am I making a towel brown? You're, like, Adrian Maloof on a couch. So anyway, so, so Gail got her office. And by the way, Steven's blind vaulter. He's like, "All right, honey. I'm gonna blindfold you. Don't open your eyes." She's like, "Oh, weird. Like, you're taking me." I was like turning and driving and driving and driving. I knew there were some men holding for her. Please let this be a shower. He would, too. 'Cause he looks like Danny DeVito, the penguin character. And I knew he was gonna do something sinister at the end. He's like, "I'll kill the bitch." So then we, so then we had a scene of Andy. I think that's all Bravo hasn't done yet. They haven't, like, murdered. We had suicide, all kinds of death. We haven't had a murder. We actually killed one of these bitches. It's coming. It's coming. Bring that to Miami. They'll do it. So then we had Andy. Andy went on a date with her boyfriend who's like halfway between Jerry Seinfeld and Jeff Goldblum. By the way, did anyone hear Andy's song? You guys know that Andy has a song? No, what does he say? So she has a song. ♪ The people's scenes ♪ ♪ The people's scenes ♪ ♪ I mean the people's scenes ♪ Her song is the lamest song. Her song is like, ♪ I don't care about the bullshit ♪ ♪ All I care about is being with my kids ♪ ♪ and having special time ♪ What's listening to that song? That song sucks. It's awful. I want to spend time with my kids. So then we go... It's music to set their kids up. So then we go back to Liza. Liza! Liza! Liza! Liza's talking to her daughter and she's talking about her, the affair that Liza had. Because in case you didn't know, Liza had an affair with her husband. I'm Donnie Deutsch, the advertising guy. Yeah, she cheated with Donnie Deutsch. Which, no, I mean, he ran for like good joy. At least it wasn't a war person. So she started singing to sing. She's like, you know what? I'm just really tired of taking on all the blame for the marriage falling apart. I'm like, Liza, you had an affair. You take all the blame. That's what you're doing. I'm sick of this. If I would have had sex with a war person, then it wouldn't have been on page six. And then they show her, and she's like posing on page six with Donnie Deutsch. She's like, "Peralized, I'm paralyzed!" They want me to be on the step and repeat. But I can't think I think I said, "No, no, no, I'm paralyzed!" So then after she cries, and her daughter's like, "I can't take the blame for this." And she, oh, and then she tells her daughter, "You know, you were the one who helped me, hun. When you told me, you're never going to be happy with Daddy." "Oh, you're blaming your daughter for your affair now." Nice work. Maybe because we were getting to the Donnie Deutsch part. My tell is getting brown. I don't know how that's happening. There's something about this show that just makes everything inherently dirty. So then Lise is getting ready for a big party. And she walked us. She saw us on the box. She's like, "Oh my God, I can cry. I can cry!" It was my very expression because she was already crying. "I can cry. I got to fit in my stomach. Oh my God, paralyzed, paralyzed, paralyzed!" I'm not looking at my notes, you're doing it. All right, I'm doing it. So then let's see, then Gail got her makeup done by White Rihanna. That's basically all I have to say about that. Okay, so they're doing the end of the season finale party. This was a sad finale party event. Well, even Sandy-- Normally they like go all out. They'll be like, "It's the ball!" You know, it's like the poor person ball. You know, like where everybody gets up. Why am I supposed to help 4P? I don't understand these people. I think the show wasted their entire production budget on that bouncy castle that everyone got their thumb up their ass. I'm like, "Sorry, you can have 40 people in Lise's living room." So Sandy, who's Corey's husband, is not Corey because he has a business meeting. He's unemployed! Okay, so last week they had their anniversary. What was it? Their 25th anniversary or something? Yeah, somehow, yeah. It was like a big anniversary. And so they rented this really tacky dinner cruise boat or something. It was bad. Whatever it was was bad. And Corey is like, "All I want from you is to just give a speech and tell everyone you love me." And he's like, "Okay." And so they get there. And she's like, "Thank you all for coming to my party. You know, my life changed when I met Sandy. Before Sandy, there was nothing." And then there was Sandy. He gave me children. He gave me life inside me, outside me. And Sandy paid for this here. Sandy, I love you. And then they cut to Sandy. It's like his turn to give a speech. And he's like, "He's like, "Shut the fuck up." Like, "No, no." Sandy, don't you want to come up here and give a speech. He's like, "Fuck it, Strad. Sandy, oh, he's so funny. This is why I love him." What a sense of humor. Sandy, Sandy. Petalos! Pretty much. And then there'd be a sense of today. It was like the day after. And she's like, "You know, Sandy, I'm real upset because we have that thing. You know, even Fran the therapist. Dr. Fran told you all you had to do was say, "I love you." And you couldn't even do that. And he's like, "I don't care." And she's like, "You know what? I love him." This is a man of few words. It's the little things. And he does little things. He comes downstairs. He eats the food I cook. You know, how long does he keep doing that? Although he loves me. You know, I talk to him and he talks back. And you know, that shows he loves me. You're a little things. I respect, man. I think Bravo's going to take women's rights so fucking far down that there's another revolution. You know, women get it back. You know, what are you doing? So then we get to the party. Liza's big party where her mom, I mean, her mom, her mom, I've never seen a bigger dress for you. Her mom, I've never seen a bigger dress for you. Devine, I've never seen a bigger drag queen on Bravo. So we're all there. Everyone's there. Andy's there. Andy's got a hot sun, by the way. Did you notice that? No wonder why she wants to sing a song about being with her family. She's got a hot sun. So then... My favorite part is that Liza then is going to give a toast. And she's all nervous and then Susan's like, "Are you nauseous? Don't be nauseous. Don't be nauseous." Great toast. Scared toast. Don't be nauseous. Have a good time. I got a bit in my stomach. I'm paralyzed. I just want to say congratulations on not renting your house and not finding where to live and not actually moving out. And also I'd like to say, "Here's to Liza, maybe one day, getting a job." That's all she cares about. Get a job. So the big drama that happened was that Arthur, Hurricane Arthur came... And Arthur! Arthur! And having a time offer? So Arthur was Arthur the dentist. Was not having a good time. He was miserable and he spunked it out. Arthur's like the abusive boyfriend of his sad Amy. We pretend she's Audrey from Little Shop of Forest because he's a dentist. Yeah. And she's always like... Yes, back back back back back back. She actually sounds like... She actually sounds like... So he decides he's going to pout. He's going to be an asshole. He sits in the back and he separates himself. And she sends 10 checks in a row. Be like, "Where are you?" "Well, are you here? Did you leave? Did you leave?" "Yes, did you try to lobster roll in here?" But this is after her getting in a fight with him because he's like... "Arthur, are you just going to sit there and text on your phone?" And he's like, "Buck off slag." That's basically a remand on the show. He's like, "Buck off." "Is that true?" "Oh, but you're just texting. Why don't you come stand with me?" "And what's the hierarchy come out that's based on Liza's mom?" "He dismissed the good toast back getting jobs." He's like, "Buck off slag." Minna Foley says, "Ya name." She starts texting him 10 times about not being there. It's like, you're a hypocrite. "You can't be texting 10 times after a lecture about texting too, man." So following, he's a total asshole to her. And then following, he goes up to her and he goes, "This is such bullshit to me." He leaves. I'm like, "What's bullshit? It's free food." "This is all bullshit." "This is gross." I mean, it was. Was he mad that he was the only one wearing paisley? I mean, come on now. I'm not gonna get a hair cake, you slag. So he laughs and then Emily crampusks. "I only crampusks." "Who would ever anybody's relationships go wrong?" She's like, "Ha ha ha ha ha. Off the lap. Oh, you wanna cry about me in order? Or I think you're gonna break up with him. I'm walking down the intervention again." She's like, "Now, he just left because he was feeling uncomfortable." "He's uncomfortable." "I can't say this." "He's uncomfortable. He's the only one who was three different parents tonight." "He's a little uncomfortable about it." "I'm there." So then he leaves. And then there's this, like, Sue empowerment moment because there was a chandelier that they never hung up. So they go, they take this chandelier out of a box. They go to the second floor. And he's like, "This chandelier that was never hung in this house, this is chandelier." And it symbolizes. And Corey goes, "What?" She's like, "It doesn't sound like anything." Corey's just saying it. I was surprised Corey wasn't like, "This chandelier sucks." Or the chandelier stinks. It symbolizes a gaping hole in an overpriced home that nobody could pay for in the first place. Which basically sums up this entire show. Yeah, so basically the way the show and, like, leave the series ends and the day they go. And they throw a chandelier off the second floor and they're like, "Yay, empowerment." And he's like, "You wasteful bitches. You just do that." Like a chandelier that costs a few thousand dollars donated. Give it to someone. And they are breaking it on your driveway. It's like the poor person who found him at the opera. Somebody just throwing a cheap chandelier on the plate. Like it's done. And then Amy's like walking through the broken glass. It's like, "Oh, it's chandelier just loves me. It just wanted to like me. It's all like one of me." They're like, "Look, look at that person with that, their face half burned off by acid." Oh, no, no, that's just the, that's just the cast number. So at the end of, at the end of any housewife show, which this is like just a tackier housewife show. It's the same thing. So they have their lines at the end where they're like, "Lice is like all I want is to be lice up." And today, when I woke up, I was lice up. And I'm still lice up. And made me laid off me some lice up. And it's like this nice music. It's like, "Bitch, did you say one thing? No." And Corey is like, "One thing, you know, he'll realize how to give a speech. He'll make a paragraph about me." It's so standard and lice had no... I know, it's just like, "You know what I learned? I learned that I loved my husband. And then if I feel nauseous, it's okay. It's okay. He could think of stuff up my butt." "I learned to thumb up somebody else's ass in a fun bounty house on the child's birthday party isn't cheating." By the way, for those of you who never even seen this show, all this stuff happens. "We're not making this up." "We're not making this up." "We talk like that to the one we teach." These are some of these are direct quotes. "Family is dead." Well, guess what? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you asking a question or are you just trying to shield yourself from the sun? Oh, yeah. That's why he left that hair cake, the gay guys. Okay. I just have to say it again. Thank you Bravo for these gay guys. Because mostly on Bravo, the gay guys are like, "Girl!" Like they'll wear high heels and like these flowy ab pans and like, what do you call them? Eyelash things. They're like, "Girl, cheers!" You know, like they're really, you know, like, be that way if you want to. But it's just like, "Oh my every gay." Every gay on Bravo. And on this one, in the North Shore, they're like, "Hey, what's up? Gonna have a party?" And they're like, "Oh, we talk guys." They're always there to help lies and give lies to them. But they're like these hot guys. They're like, "Look, we got your mama cake." It's a wing cake. It's like a cake of hair. It's a cake of hair. That's gross. By the way, you know what I love about doing this crap bike for "App West" here in Austin? Is that every five minutes or so some straight guys walk by and they look in and they're like, "What the fuck is happening inside there?" Well, we just saw a great guy take a picture with a Lou Ferrigno. Someone took the Lou Ferrigno poster. Oh, frat gay. That's in a frat. That's in like a slightly, maybe, maybe after a couple of drink gay frat room. Well, I think we covered everything. And if we didn't, too bad, I have to pee so badly. This beer had gone right through me. Is there anything else? Anyone, did we miss anything? Did we, does everyone else talk about anything? Sugar and a lyser. Oh, yeah, lyser was just-- Oh, yeah, lyser. And Andy's like, "Oh, lyser. Lyser came out like that sushi table, but it was a cake." It still smells like sushi, but it was a cake. Jonathan's like, "Yeah, I want to put my thumb up." You budged. She's like, "Oh, you got lyser." Lyser totally got lyser. This party totally got lyser. This party was lysed. Um, so go pee. I'm going to go pee. But first, I have to say, thank you. Everyone was waiting for it. You guys made it through that. We didn't even know what the fuck we were talking about for an hour and a half of that. I can't even-- And thank you to everyone on Periscope who has watched this thing. They're really at a diagonal. I think there's one person who's been giving us hearts. No, I'm not. Still clean, nothing. Thank you guys so much for being here. We'll be here all night. Thank you. Yeah, and we will hopefully stop sweating. That's where I have the sun. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Thank you, everyone. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] All right. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here and it's funny and I love you. [MUSIC] To the insurance company that's spurned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting Geico. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tiers you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to Geico. Sincerely, not yours, Tara in Telluride. Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watch what Crap is, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. There's nothing worse than getting home from your trip. Only to find out you missed a can't miss travel experience. That's why you need Viator, book guided tours, activities, excursions, and more in one place to make your trip truly unregrettable. 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