Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. From memoirs and sci-fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment. Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984. And first of all, Everett's brilliantly subversive James. Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible. Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio play, you know? That's major. Go to Audible.com/crapins and discover all the years best, waiting for you. That's Audible.com/crapins. This time of year is busy, family obligations, holiday parties, travel, relaxation might fall to the bottom of your priority list. You guys, you need to take time to relax and you need to be somewhere where there's soft white sand healing crystal blue water cloudless skies. We know where that place is. Aruba shake off any cold weather blues and enjoy the island's invigorating sunshine. Aruba has the most sunny days anywhere in the Caribbean. I promise you, this trip is going to be at least 10 times better than the trip to Aaron's Hampton's home on Real Housewives of New York, but that doesn't take much. I mean, it doesn't even compare. Aruba is a geeky gorgeous. Please always choose Aruba over Aaron's home. We know you can't stay on vacation forever, but a trip to Aruba, honestly, it just never ends. Because the happiness and relaxation you feel in your bones, it just stays with you. Book your trip today at aruba.com. Did you guys see Katy Perry on the cover of Forbes Magazine? She's apparently really successful and is at the top of one of her lists. Well, if you missed it, guess what? You can get your free 30-day trial at nextissue.com/crapins. And that means you could read Forbes as well as many other magazines in the comfort of your own home, which is probably where you'd read any magazine. But at least thank you for doing it on your tablet with many different devices, which is really fun and cool. And you would get all sorts of access to other magazines, etc. You know, it's like the Netflix of magazines, like your own little newsstand right in your hand. We get into our interests by seeking out authorities on them. Like Esquire, Vogue, Sports Illustrated, or Wired. There are so many magazines we've all come to trust. And Forbes is just one of them. There are really so many great magazines that you get with this service, and they're available as soon as they hit the newsstands. As soon as a magazine hits the newsstands, it is available on Next Issue. It's a great deal. You get all of these magazines for as little as $10 per month, and we've only scratched the surface. So everyone, get your free 30-day trial at nextissue.com/crapins now, and read up way up on all your interests. Nextissue.com/crapins. Watch what crap is, watch what crap is, who cares? What happens when there's so much that crap is? What happens when there's so much that crap is, who cares? What happens when there's so much what crap is, who cares? What happens when there's so much that crap is, who cares? What happens when there's so much that crap is, who cares? What happens when there's so much that crap is, who cares? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch More Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Madelker from the besideblog.com, and also the banter blender podcast. Joining me, as always, is the lovely and sun-baked. Ronnie Karam, what's going on, Ronnie, from trashtalktv.com. Little Ben! Yes, I am sun-baked. I'm also drinking, we're renting this home away home, and I'm on some little top-y-twink bed. You're up. With sand covering me, my pot belly and my tits are purple, telling me I look ridiculous and covered in sand, and I'm sitting here at the laptop on mics and some stuff all around, and I thought, "Hey, it's the middle of the day. I'm in South Padra, I'm gonna have some vodka!" So, watch out, telling me. I like that. I like when you were describing your rental, the audio dropped out for a second. So, it sounded like we were on network TV, and you were being bleeped out as if you're like, "Yeah, I got a fucking bed in fucking South Padra Island." You're like, "That's how I should be tough." You're like, "That's exactly what I said, actually." Yeah, you should do transcriptions. Yes. So, everyone, first of all, we have to say that this episode has been brought to you all by two of our lovely donors. Claudia, Catalina, and Chrissy Darity. They are our premium sponsors. They have donated at the premium level on patreon.com. Look, guys, those were our mommy warbucks right there. They are. They are sugar mamas. Sugar mamas. Yeah, they're like, "Well, you know, we've got a little extra. Just throw it at the losers for a little bit." Yeah. Thank you, Darlings. Love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. And if you would like to donate, if you would like to be like Claudia and Chrissy, you can donate at patreon.com/watchworkrapins. If you, at the most basic level, you have access to a bonus episode once a week, and this week, we talked about Donald Trump, and we talked about immigrants, but we talked about Big Brother, too. We talked a lot about Big Brother, and I think we talked about something else. Wasn't there something else fun we discussed? Chef Penney, though. Chef Penney. Oh, yes. Chef Penney. That's all you need. Chef Penney, Donald Trump, and Big Brother. So, if you want. Oh, yeah, and we also have to announce that we are doing a live episode this week. Ben and I will both be in Austin, Texas, and we thought, "Hey, let's party!" So, we're having a live podcast at the keyboard in Austin, Texas this Saturday, July 25th at 4 p.m. We're doing it so early, so we can have some alone time with you guys, and then we're going to be parting the keyboard after, so get your stuff there. That's also a heads-up that the second episode of this week, where we'll talk about Real Housewives of New York City and Secrets and Wives. It's going to be up later this week than usual. It will not be up on Thursday. It's going to be up over the weekend because that's what we're going to be discussing at our live show in Austin. So, yeah, got to talk about something, y'all. Yeah, sorry for making you guys wait a little bit for the next episode, but hopefully it'll be really good and fun, and we'll also be, I think, periscoping that episode too. So, even if you're not in Austin, you'll be able to enjoy the festivities as if you were there. So, put your cowboy hat on, David, and go enjoy it. I'm so excited. I'm really excited. If you see my mother, pretend I've never talked shit about her, and just say, "Oh my gosh, she's so nice about you on the podcast," or just don't say anything. Yeah, so I'm very excited for our first Crap by Crap West Festival, and I think it's going to be a great time. Crap by Crap West, season one, Mother Truckas. Yeah, and then people are like, "Oh, well, that's nice that you're doing a live show in Austin, but what about your hometown, Los Angeles?" Well, we are doing a live show in Los Angeles on August 25th with "For Crying Out Loud." Technically, it's going to be a "For Crying Out Loud" podcast, but it's basically going to be Crapins too, and so we're going to be doing that. So, everyone in LA, we have that coming too. It's really exciting. So, a great time to be out. We're going to have a fun couple of months. We finally realized that actually doing live is really fun, so we're trying to book as many things as we can now. So, yeah, we love meeting you guys and talking to you guys. So, keep coming to our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchacrapins, talk shit with us. All you want, we have live show threads there, whenever the episodes are on to come talk to other listeners, and it is also where you can tell us to go suck it if you want to, or to say you love us or whatever, but we're on that page every day. Both of us read it while we're pooping, so yes. It's a great, great page to look at when you're pooping, or if you're a lady when you're peeing, because both times you're sitting down, but unless you're a guy with strange tendencies, it is great. And by the way, it is like the best ego boost of all time, because even just like a few days ago, I was walking on the street and I walked by a chandelier store and I took a picture of it and I put it on her page. I was like, they have red chandeliers. And it has like 350 likes. I love it. Like any old shit we put up there, I'm like, yes. It's like masturbating without getting a sock dirty telling. But what's even better, like it has like 50 comments and everyone's just cracking jokes. It's so funny. So funny on there. Y'all are funny. Y'all have funny listeners. You have some funny people, and you know the funniest people of all are, Claudia and Christy. They are so girls, you awesome, funny girls. They're the ones, if this were a PBS show, they were the ones who get the special title. It'd be like Down Now B is brought to you by Claudia Catalina and Christy Darity. And by viewers like you, it is. In fact, it's like a PBS show with a lot of like fake tip jokes and cuss words. It's what PBS should be. Why isn't PBS crazy? You know what? There should be crazy PBS, you know, it's like public. Like why does PBS have to be so stuffy and educational? How about a public broadcast, you know, service that's like body, like us? How about that? How about you just show like the regular PBS programming, like the operas and stuff, but then you just have like bitchy gay people being like, that bitch is fat. Like how about the show is over because the fat lady sings so much that she had a heart attack off stage and died from McDonald's poisoning. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I donate. That's that's what I would like. And I bet you know what? I bet the NEA would be proud to endorse that. Okay. Meanwhile, there's an ambulance outside. I think they're rushing MJ to the hospital. So I'm just checking on a wing bone. MJ's been eating too many of Chef Penny's warm olives and pitas. So just caught a glimpse of herself and her zigzag stockings. She has to walk her dogs in a terrible weave in the mirror telling the ambulance will get up. Noting. I feel like there were other announcements to make, but I don't know. Patreon on Patreon. Oh yeah, I wanted to say one more thing. So something weird has happened in the world of the internet where both iTunes, the Mac, and SoundCloud, everything that we use for this podcast has basically updated in the same week. And they all had a major clusterfuck terrible job of updating. So if you're not getting this episode naturally on iTunes, if it's not showing up, you need to update your iTunes. Y'all update your phones because whatever Apple did has totally fucked us over. Okay. Yeah, I like that. If you didn't get it naturally, is this a natural episode of What's What Crap Is? No, people are like, "Why isn't this coming on my phone?" And then I searched and I was like, "It's me too." And then when we asked, they're like, "Will people need to update their software?" Well, how about not wanting to update to your stupid new operating system that takes five gigs on my phone, you a-holes, and the new list down my phone. So I'll have to buy one of your new stupid iPhones, not face phones, jerks. Yeah, I know. It's really annoying. And in fact, I just updated my iOS just yesterday and I cannot stand the new music app. There's so many issues with shuffle, there's issues with everything. Nothing is where it should be. I've had enough. I have enough. You know what? I think Claudia and Christie should send a strongly written letter to Apple and be like, "Listen, we are wealthy, ladies, and we're going to pull our funding from Apple if you don't fix this. So Claudia and Christie, throw your weight around, make a change. Make a change, darling. We are the change world." "Listen, I switched to Android twice. No, I'm not doing that again. You don't appreciate Apple until you've taken a bite of the Android." And then they're like, "Whoops, sorry for got all your email addresses. Whoops, sorry for got all your contacts. Oh, it's okay, but at least you can change your home screen." Fuck it, I'll stick with my six better than yours, Tony. Yeah, I would take the annoying music app over Android. I don't care if it looks like a cartoon from the '80s. I'm capin' it. I just got away. The way I already warned everyone I was drunk, right? And did I warn everyone that I'm on Starbucks? Yeah, so I'm on alcohol because I'm a South Padre party and Benz on cocaine, which is Starbucks. Yeah, which is Starbucks. And I would like to add, as long as we're talking about cell phones and not Bravo, I might as well just mention that I have a new cell phone case. And I don't know how I feel about it yet. It feels weird in my fingers. I basically got it because my last one cracked. For reasons I have no idea. I didn't drop it. I think it just cracked. So I got a new one with a little kickstand in it. And I'm very excited because now I can watch my stories on my phone while eating my cereal in the morning and I get my phone propped up. But it is now so bulky that I'm wondering, did I do this wrong? Not worth it. Yeah, minus $3. It works great. If you really want the perfect masturbation, I mean, watching TV tool for your phone or tablet, get a music stand with an arm. You know, those ones that are like a crane kind of, you know what I mean? Like it's not just straight up mic stand. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's no like the frame, it has an arm or whatever. Yeah, get one of those. They're like 20 or 30 bucks, depending on your town. And they get an iPad or iPhone clip that holds it. And then you can swivel. I mean, I watch my iPad or my iPhone all day like I'm in Wall-E. I'm like a fat person in bed with an iPad screen in front of me and a big gold bar on my side. And that's it. I love that you have, I love that you have, but you're pouring on your phone and you got to do a music clip thing that you like swing over as if you're like sitting in like, imagine you're like in a captain's chair, you know, just like, or like a dentist chair just lying there and just like, you're a pawn. Give me the porn that swivels on over in front of you. All right. Now I need to light swivel that over to you. Pretty much. And you're yelling. I did it. Pump it. Pump. Well, to be fair, it's not just porn. You know, it's also like Facebook. Social. All right. Yes. That's what I do. Claudia and Kristi, you're not sponsoring our thoughts on Mac iOS and the best way to view your porn. Kristi and Claudia deserve real content, not to mention all of our, our patreon supporters and our non supporters. Everyone deserves Bravo. So guess what? We're going to talk about real housewives of Orange County and marriage medicine today. And you know what? There are some damn good gossip that we have to get into. All right. Because we have stolen enough of these people's times. That's time we talk about other people stealing other things, which is a very bad segue into Jax Taylor. Jax Taylor arrested in Hawaii for felony, felony shoplifting or whatever it's like felony shoplifting for fucking sunglasses. He stole sunglasses from like a sunglasses or something, $300 sunglasses, which is enough to be a felony. Did you see this surveillance footage of him doing it? No, there's surveillance footage. Yeah, it's hilarious. He sort of like waddles around this story. And I mean that literally like it's like, it's, I feel like his knees don't work anymore. He's sort of like peg legs around with his two, his legs around the story. And he full on, he so he takes his sunglasses, he's browsing, he takes his sunglasses. And then he sort of just like ambles out the store. But first, it's like a foot out to see if the alarms will go off and they don't. So then he runs off. And what's funny, then like five minutes later, the police get him. But what's funny is that when he leaves, it doesn't look like anyone noticed. So I wonder how they, they realize maybe he went running and came back. The story I read said that he came back. To do what he went to the store, he stole the sunglasses. And then he came back later and they were like, oh yeah, that's the, that's the guy who can't speak because of his nose, his cocaine issues have collapsed his nose or whatever. And then they arrested him. You know, he's an idiot because for many reasons. But if he, if he tries to sort of laugh this one off again, because you know, he always seems to get arrested for something another. And he's like, yeah, well, I think we've all been arrested or something like that. The thing is that I don't, I don't believe that Jax has a felony on his record. I could be wrong, but a felony is a big deal. You know, when you have a felony on your record, if he gets convicted or if it doesn't get like marked down, that is, that's something that will really affect future employment. I mean, which is hilarious. It's not like Jax is going to be employed anywhere where a felony will actually matter. But you know, that's a thing that will haunt you for the rest of your life. You don't want to have dancers can only be employed to their like 30 or something. Yeah. He is this, that's the same way for bartenders. No way. Like Jax is on his last bartender legs. There's no, no one is going to hire his ass to be a bartender at his nose capacity, weight capacity, face capacity. He's done. Like this is the last chance to dance, darling, with the shaker in your hand. And darling, he's just getting bigger and bigger in the wrong way. I mean, his mugshot was puffy, puffy. Well, I watch him on Periscope now. I love to watch him snort his coke and then talk about eating a grilled chicken while people call him a douche bag and he pretends he can't see it. Oh, also, I saw, by the way, hope he could jail stupid. I saw your stupid Jax your stupid stupid stupid shut up. You're just please grudge and shut up. Shut up. You're stupid. Just pretending she said Jax. Yeah, he's stupid. I turned on my notifications for Periscope because they used to make me crazy. But then I had watched what craft and follow a bunch of people. Well, by funny, I mean, like awful. And one of them is Gigi. And so I'm sitting here the other day. I was drunk then too. And it came up, Guinness of whatever is having a Periscope. And I was like, Oh, I'd like to see that. So the first one I saw was for just laying in bed. Wait, I'm sorry. By the way, I just want to pause before you say it. And all this time, I thought you meant Gigi, like my love Gigi and Bella. I didn't want to watch that bit. She's like, watch me like lick a chicken bone and pretend that I just ate a chicken dinner. Did you put a picture of that up on our Facebook page? I was like, God, Gigi looks terrible. Your London must be pissed. Gigi looks like a crumpled up school bag, lunch bag, whatever. No, it's like Bella. So go on. Gigi has turned into the other one. Oh, she's really blended up. Bella, actually, I'm going to look to see if I can follow Bella because I'd imagine it's like, Hey, Bella is live. And then you turn it on. And it's just Bella trying to get a hold of your one and just getting her voicemail over and over again. Your London's like, look, that gypsy that says little mermaid blankets is sun Periscope. No, that's Bella. Oh, my love. I'm so sorry. I just give you a blocked idea. A blocked idea is trying to call my phone. Oh my God. What if it is the Doc Swan? I don't want any Doc Docs on my phone. Don't answer it. Who is this person on Periscope? It says at the not Gigi one. I don't get it. Oh, yeah. So anyway, Gigi, so Gornessa, yeah, from shots. Periscope. The first one, she was on a vacation in May. She knows no words. You know how people, I'm sorry, I was sucking on ice. So rude. You know how people on these shows are always blaming editors for everything? Listen, Periscope teaches you how much the editors do for the cast members because Gigi can barely make a sentence. She's fucking, okay, on the show, she's stupid. She's stupid and she's a bit and she's crazy. On this, she's she's like crawling out of a pile of goop trying to become an organism that will maybe one day become a monkey that will maybe one day become a human. Like this bitch is dumb. Like the only thing that separates her from like, you know, like sperm on a sock that you've tossed into the laundry is really heavy. Glue on eyelashes. That's it. Gigi's extensions. So she was on there and she was like laying back in bed, like playing with her terrible weave with gigantic way too much makeup. And she's in Miami. And she was like, hi guys. And then all these people are coming on. She's just staring at herself in the phone. And then she's like, I have a country from I'm like, you're too stupid. So I clicked away. But then another one came up later. And it was her with some other friend in Miami. Okay, this bitch doesn't know how to pronounce the VJ. She's like, you guys were gonna use some stuff that some Ceviche. And what else did she say? She was like, I have spoke to you guys later. I was like, what is wrong? Well, I am sorry. No English. Maybe it was a toy. Yeah. Was it toy? Yeah. You sure it wasn't toy? It's not it was toy English. Yeah. It was pointless. What I should have done is gone on the periscopy. She's so stupid. There's no news to report except that if you don't have periscope yet, please get it to watch these idiots without editors just thinking they're being adorable. And it's basically guys with one dick in their hand and Siri and the other. And they're like, I got one dick in my hand and another one is on Siri. They're basically like, show us your tits. And then she does. And then she's like, okay, I'm gonna go eat my Ceviche. Oh, God, darling. Oh, and then there was another article somebody posted. It was like from CNN or something like something real. And it was Gigi talking about how great Iran is. And she's like, I really identify with Iran. That's my home place. Like you're an idiot and you would be stoned in the street there. And it would be the first stoning in Iran that I was actually behind. Well, speaking of violent things, I have some news from the domestic abuse department that DAD. Guess what? Tamara Barney's son, Ryan was arrested for domestic abuse against his baby mama wife. What a surprise. What a surprise that the lineage of trailer trash that comes from Tammy Sue has begat. What a shock that a guy who went from hot to fugly in like two weeks because of his meth slash, um, steroid usage or whatever would beat some girl that he married on Instagram. Who would have thought? Who would have thunk it? Yeah, that's a trailer trash is trailer trash people. He was probably like, they probably wouldn't let everybody into the hospital room because he wanted alone time to just like beat that baby out of the stomach. He's like, you get out of there, you loser. Come towards the light, you fucking idiot kid. So yeah, he is he is trailer trash. And when people ask like, what's the deal with Orange County? You know, what is what? Like, if people who think that Orange County is glamorous, it's like, no, Orange County is not glamorous. It is probably about 50% full of trailer trash people who've basically come into money. At least that's my perception of it. LA is full of like trailer trash people who were maybe the cutest ones in high school. And so they moved like make money to be cute. And then they're like really cute mess had homeless people later on. That's why our homeless people are fuckable. Yeah. And Orange County is like the cutest ones in high school, but they had no talent. And so they just go to Orange County because there's a rough stress for less than plenty of your rich movement. And that's it. Let me let me give you a geographical guide to Southern California. Okay. The 909, which is like inland empire, Riverside, that's where the trailer trash comes from and then didn't do anything with himself and stay trailer trash. Okay. So that's just like pure unfiltered trailer trash. Then you have Los Angeles, where it's like the pretty trailer trash comes and try to make it big. And some of them really do. And then the ones who make it big, but then lose it, then move to the valley. And then the ones who just didn't even bother trying to make a big in Los Angeles, the ones who just decided to to marry wealthy or decided to cash in on like a Harley Davidson dealership. Then that's Orange County. So it's basically Southern California is just all trailer trash. I'm just kidding. Of course, it's not all trailer trash, but sometimes it feels the course it is. It is listen, I've lived in Long Beach, but an hour that's like that's like a trailer trash that goes to the ocean and becomes a bro trailer trash. Yeah, that's like trailer trash where you're fine with seeing oil rigs on the beach as your view of the beach. And by the way, I can afford to live on the beach. I'm living right on the beach. Like BP is like, why does this smell like BP in here? You know, two years ago, I think it was two years ago, there was a surfing competition at Huntington Beach. And afterwards, there were these big riots. And there was an article in the Los Angeles Times where the people from Huntington Beach were like, yeah, this is the fault of the 909. People coming in from the 909 are just like really, they're just like trash and they're ruining our lovely community. And it was like the funniest thing ever. It was basically just trash calling themselves trash, you know, like attacking the other trash. It's like, you're just trash by the beach. They're just trash by the desert. It's the same trash. Well, Huntington Beach is nicer because it's right on the water. And also, they have really nice, like, strip malls. Huntington Beach has really perfected the art of strip malls. And I think most people there have a job. No, Huntington Beach is trash. I'm being so awful. It is. The way it goes is that the nicest one, I believe, is is Laguna. It gets nicer the more south. Oh, Laguna's nice. So he goes Laguna and then Newport, like Laguna Newport, or like Newport's like a little trasher, I think. And then you get to Huntington. And Huntington is like, it's Huntington's like the shitty one of those. And then next is like Seal Beach and then Long Beach and Rodon. It's just, you know, it gets bad. And then it starts getting nice again when you get up to Manhattan Beach. But there's like that. Yeah, that's not good. It's no good. It's all trash. It's all trash. I mean, just look at, I think we're Lynn Curtin and her family. Weren't they from Huntington Beach or something like that? I don't know. I'm talking out of my ass. I'm on the caffeine. What can I say? I mean, blanket statements about perfectly nice communities. But the truth is, if you're talking about pulling things out of your ass, that would actually be perfect for those people, don't think. Right. Well, I feel like the biggest toenail with, I'm giving myself a hand pedicure right now. Well, anyway, so now that I have taken myself out of the running for Huntington Beach Mayor, I think, but don't you remember when he called our community trash? They'd vote for me because I said their strip malls were nice. They'd be like, that's our new mayor. I'll be like, let me shake your baby darling. Love the strip malls. I'm the mayor of Huntington. What can I say? I'm a snob. I'm sorry if I offended you all. But you know what though? Up your game, people. Up your game. Anyway, you know what I realized is I just traveled the world from California to South Madrid. Yes. As I become a world traveler, I realized that the entire world is trash. I think that's a whole point. Yeah. There's trash everywhere. There really is. I mean, you just go anywhere. It's just nothing but trash. Nothing. I mean, like, I'm talking on some bullshit, you know, $20 mic. I probably shoplifted in a twin bed. I don't fit in in a place I'm not paying for in South Padre with an open pack of cigarettes and I've drunk at three in the morning in my underwear with a tan that doesn't even work. Yeah. Come on, guys. Who's that? It's like trash calling trash trash. Exactly. And, you know, if you want to look at where the epicenter of the trash is, it is right here in this part of the podcast in this corner apartment right here. Looking over at the homeless guy, sitting in the street with, you know, and I got my dirty sheets on my bed that I have to clean. It's like, so I want, I want the trash to know that I'm not saying I'm not trash. I am just, I am part of an ambulance to come. I'm sick. The chicken nugget out of MJ's windpipe. Yeah. So listen, I am, I am part of the trash, but I also reserve the, the, the right to have trash self-loathing. Okay. And so I'm going to call out all the trash that I see. And I say, hunting to beach. 909. You both trash to trash. You're all trash. Oh, I bet the garbage pale kids were started there anyway. So let's start with speaking of trash. Let me go to Orange County because we've now, we've actually now trashed Orange County quite a bit without even talking about the show. We just basically just, well, here's one thing I've learned about Orange County, both from spending a lot of time with people from there, there, while actually there, in one of these mansions that overlook the beach and all this. And this is why because I was catering there a few years ago. Sorry, I'm poor. But here's what I've learned. I would totally still be a Christian if that's how you did it because that kind of Christianity is like, let's fuck whoever we want get married 10 times a year. Our children can beat people. And then we can still call ourselves Christian. What the hell? What the hell kind of Christianity is that because it sounds a way more fun than my version. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's the sort of Christianity that inspires big, wide roads, which is also what Orange County is full of. That's the best. The best part about Orange County is like super wide highways and super wide roads. Yeah. And also break down. And also Heather being called to see word by commenters in the in the newspaper there. Yeah. So let's start the let's start trying to make my computer come to the toilet. Oh, I can't pee on the podcast. You can't I'm sorry. You have to press pause and pee on myself. All right, we're going to press pause or run can pee. All right, everyone. Think about things right now. Think about your life. Think about think about the trashy things in your life that do not include Ronnie peeing on the podcast. All right, we'll be right back. All right, Ronnie is now back from the bathroom. How was it, Ronnie? Sorry about that. I'm getting used to peeing in the ocean. You can just go pee whenever you want. So now when I pee, my body's just naturally used to letting it go. Well, I hope you feel relieved. I hope you feel relieved. I think it's a, you know, nothing makes me want to urinate more than talking about real housewives of Orange County. Something just gets the bladder going, gets the bladder going, gets that uric acid. Why does it burn when I pee because you're talking about the real housewives of Orange County, darling, you caught it from the TV. It's coming from inside the TV. The pee is coming from the TV. Oh, Lord. Oh, so I'm going to let you steer the Orange County discussion because for some reason, well, I know why I didn't take a lot of notes because I watched it this morning and I had like cobwebs on my eye and I can tell you, I was like, you know what, I'm just not going to take notes. I just can't deal with it. But then I did take some notes because my first note was about Mamma Mia meatballs. So anyway, you go, you start. Mamma Mia meatballs. All right. Real housewives of Orange County notes. Okay, I watched these on the beach, laughing my ass off. The neighbor came out to make sure it wasn't like, which beach, which beach did you go to? In South Padre? Yeah. Are there different ones? I think there's just one, right? I just, I wasn't sure if you switched the beach. Oh, Ronnie, you sweat. It's time to switch the beach. I am freaking out about that pond. I was so excited. I got to say it. I'm freaking out. I switched. I switched the beach. Poor Ben, you're stuck with me drunk in a twin bed and you don't have notes. Do you know, I have 10 pages of notes. I was dying. I actually rounded a couple of times because I was dying. Okay, my notes start with the previous leaves on, because I just love Vicky Singh. Cancer loves bread. You take no bread. Cancer loves bread. That should be a new bread commercial because cancer loves it. I mean, that's like a huge part of our population now. So let's try and make cancer happy. And then when Vicky was saying, would God be mad that I'm talking to a psychic? Bitch. Yes. Have you read the Bible? Of course he would be mad. I don't know if we talked about this before, but that is satanic. Okay, anything like reading the future and all that. Of course, God would be mad. That's why I was like, I love this version of Christianity. It's like, how is psychic? Yeah. Okay, news abuse. We already talked about abuse, which is always hilarious. And then I was like Megan's chest muscles remind me of when I learned how to roast a chicken and then take all the meat off the bones to shred a lot of this. There's like, there's like this middle part of the chicken that looks like Megan's chest in that opening picture, but it's usually covered in black slime that looks like buggers and poop. And you have to like try not to throw up where you clean it. So that's her body. Okay. And now let's start with the regular show. It's positive music, but then they're showing Shannon. It's like, doo doo doo doo doo doo. So Shannon, I'm like, this makes no sense. Yeah. And then she's like, I've gone through such emotional things. And then the music completely stops. You just can imagine like the musicians just sitting there, like slinking out like that the musicians on a Titanic, they're like, okay, we'll just chuck ourselves up aboard now. Garage band loops have gotten so smart that they know when a bit just due to pressing to even continue looping. I just imagine, I just imagine the instruments all having little googly eyes and hands and feet. And then when they see this, they all just sort of like walk off the screen like the hot dogs and hamburgers going, let's go out to the movies. Let's go out to the movies. They're like, oh, let's let's go out. Let's get out of Shannon's house. Let's go out of Shannon's house. They just walk off. So we and then the and then the guy with the broom from TV's bloopers and practical jokes just sweeps them off like, all right, guys, get on out of here, Shannon, see you. Then what fun should be like, did you guys stare at that dancing popcorn box? Why are we staring at that dancing popcorn box? I'm never dancing with another popcorn box again. David, I don't want to have negative thoughts, but I keep seeing the hot dog dancing around. And it's, it's making, it's reminding me of how much weight I've gained because of your affairs, David. David. So if Shannon hasn't mortified herself enough, you have a national TV. We hope. I'm just imagining Shannon being tormented by animated hot dogs and hamburgers dancing around in popcorn boxes. And she's like, David, I don't know how you could be saying these things right now when there's a hot dog dancing right there. Well, babe, right there. There's a hot dog that wants to go out to the movies. David, are we going to go out to the movies? Grab ourselves a snack. David, why are you staring at that hot dog? David. Did you go to the movies with your hot dog mistress, David? David, what did your hot dog put on itself, David? Because I'm never eating that condiment again. David, every time I have a negative thought, I'm just going to think about the hot dog and the hamburger and the popcorn going out to movies instead. And I'm thinking about that 40 to 50 times a day. David, David, David, I'm going out to the movies again. Let's go out to the movies, David. Let's go out to the movies. Let's go out to the movies. Let's go out to the movies and have ourselves some fun, David. So, um, hold on. Let me find it again. Okay. So if Shannon has like mortified herself enough on national TV, we open with Shannon at the gym and she's like, well, I've gained some weight because you know, I felt some pain this year and pain caused me to eat an extra wheat dinner to a day. Before you know it, I've got an extra box of wheat thins on my stomach. Okay. So then she pulls out her box of wheat thins on her stomach. Woman, are you nuts? First of all, how do I have Shannon Bador's body? I do too. I'm sad to admit. I've basically got Shannon's body. She started making her stomach like, say things. My arm flashes just like hers. I feel like I have a skin snuggie. That's what I'm wearing. And Shannon has it too. And she's like, I'm going to prove that you can even work out after you're 50 and make it all work. Oh, no, poor Shannon. She certainly is not messed out of your old with her body and her chicken skin body. And then she goes to see this weirdo trainer who's like, yeah, he has like that deep breathing that and he's like, can Richard use the date? And he's like, yeah, Ken, Ken. And then he like grabs her. He grabs her thumb and he pushes down and she's like, Oh, oh, he's like, oh, that must be that you are holding on to her as some resentment about something. And now you're letting it out. Oh, those are your inner emotions coming out. I'm like, no, asshole. You're pinching her really hard. It hurts. No trainer says that, by the way, that guy has like a foot tall wig. This like, look back. He can't talk because of all of his like coke use and his gigantic tongue. I don't know where she found this trainer, but he can barely breathe. I wouldn't go to him. He's like, your mouth has something. He's like, when I whip you with this belt, those are your childhood memories trying to escape. She's like, no, childhood was wonderful. I was looking off my father's money. We had tons of money. It was when I had my own shoulder and married David that I went all back. He's like, yeah, this comes from stress. And she's like, well, I have had a year full of negative thoughts. Shut up. It's like even the trainer has to hear it. This guy basically like tells people to lift weights all day and then jerks off in a public shower. Like, why are you telling him your problems? So she talks about her muffin top blah, blah, blah. And then she actually says, which is like a kick on the ball to feminine. You know, how does feminism even still have balls? It probably doesn't. Bravo is like debulled feminism, but I think inherently it cannot have balls. Well, you know, feminist, you know, mental balls gone. Feminism. It's a vision. It's like a rental regime that will only love you if you have enough money or whatever, because these women have no self respect. So Shannon's like, well, this is why I had an affair, because I have a muffin top. It started with me messing up a Mad Libs game and that started one negative thought. And then it was like a negative thought snowball that turned into a boulder that crushed a whole city. And then David was fucking a waitress at Applebee's before you. She's like, I can't see any show that star Shuri Applebee, because it reminds me too much of the Applebee is where David found that waitress. David did not fuck somebody else because you have a muffin top. Okay. He fucked somebody else because you won't shut up, Shannon. Shut up, Shannon. Stop nagging. I'm Shannon. David. David. David. David. Do you realize I cannot listen to TLC any longer? Because it reminds me of the chilies where you met that stupid waitress also. Chilly. David. David. I know my pop culture. David. David's like, well, I originally started to ask David for a list of all the restaurants that he went to. So I wouldn't have to eat there. And then I thought, well, heck, you know, all these kids know how to make apps now. So I hired someone to make an app like Yelp that David's mistresses can go on and review the restaurants that David's taken them to. So I know how good the sex was behind the dumpsters at those restaurants. It's like a Yelp for David's affairs. It's called Shannon's list. So, Shannon's list where no one gets raped, but we have plenty of negative thoughts. Just emotionally rape, David. I wish I had a button to turn these negative thoughts off, but I don't have a button. Could you could you work my button muscle so I can have a button strong enough to turn off the negative thoughts? And then we move on to Tamara and her empty ass Jim. Oh, yeah, cut fitness with the only fat person in Orange County who seems to do everybody's makeup. I'm horrified for this girl because the only time they ever invite her anywhere is like a diet party. They're like, look, it's a Snapple Diet T opening. In fact, the fat makeup artist is like, what fat when I always have to go to the gym opening? Oh, yeah. So she and she and Eddie were doing a video to drum up business for cut fitness. Listen, lady, if having your gym prominently displayed on a national cable show every single week does not get you business, there's no way a YouTube video will do it. Okay, I'm sorry, it's time to give up the dream. Just what do they not have curves in fucking Orange County? Get out of here. How about you focus on putting some more stuff on your shelves and dewarping the wood and then maybe you'll get some people in there. How about focusing on actual working out instead of just changing every fucking bone in your body from a doctor that probably is doing shit for free because you'll talk about them on TV instead of working out. Okay, that would probably make people more inspired to actually do it the natural way. Right now, do you know who's winning botched? That's the only person profiting from your appearances on the show, you idiot. So anyway, this whole scene is a glimpse into her marriage to a gay guy because she's like, Eddie's not even home anymore. He spends all of his free time in the steam room with the gym. Well, yeah, dirt, there's probably babies growing in that fucking dream pipe, but Eddie and Tamara visibly hate each other now and they have some team of 20-year-olds telling them how to get more business through social marketing darling because everyone decides to go to the gym after watching a couple of YouTube videos about old people pretending to fuck. I mean, get out of here. They're so stupid. No, no, no. Do you remember the YouTube video? We talked about it on the show. What's YouTube video? Do you remember this one that they shot? Okay. So what they were shooting, well, they're talking about shooting videos for YouTube to get like a viral following, which is hilarious because you know, they both got some kind of virus, but they're they're both talking about viral marketing to get more people. So they're like going for YouTube audience, by the way, they're 12 on YouTube. And their first video was like a sex tape, where they were making sex hair. That's right. Yeah, they're making sex hair. Yeah, it's like, yeah. Harder, baby. But then they pull back and he's just like holding her feet while she does crunches. Yeah. You know what? And I'm like, why would I need to go to a gym to do crunches? None of this makes sense. Yeah, I, it reminds me of any time on the celebrity apprentice when Donald Trump gives them a task to make a viral video and then the people, the celebrities never have any idea of what a viral video is. They're like, you know what it is? Sex sells. Let's do something with sex and they do something ridiculous and offensive and so embarrassing that it makes Donald Trump look, you know, decent. That's just reminds me of people who just have no idea the way it totally. They should just call that Jim, the first person to get kicked off of celebrity apprentice, Jim. More people go. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. The viral video would be, let's watch how many people trip during Zumba class on the warped floors. Camera and watch people fall over. Now that would be funny. I would watch that. So basically she's saying in the scene that she owns the gym because she was the famous one, right? So she owns most of it, but Eddie is the one who actually worked there. So whenever they're shooting, she comes to the gym and Eddie gets, you know, mean to her because she tries to control everything, which she doesn't even work there. Yeah. And she doesn't even have a penis for crying out loud. Yeah. I mean, I'm on Eddie's side. It's one. I'm on, I actually am on Eddie's side too, because I would not want to have my entrepreneurial endeavor be tied up with Tamara Barney. No, I wouldn't want anything tied up with Tamara Barney. I mean, that pork I just wanted to be famous. Now he's stuck working some blue collar job and some shit plates with an uneven floor and nothing on the counters. Oh, Jesus. This guy fucks his weight down the ladder. Yeah, you know what, you know, it's a great way to promote your gym, not airing out all the problems with it on national TV because now it's been two years and we're still talking about the uneven gym floor, which, you know, it's probably been fixed by now. Like to be realistic, it's probably been fixed. But all we do is talk about the warped floors that cut fitness. So that's not a good marketing move on your part, by the way. Everything that happens at cut fitness is wrong. Okay, that logo is two inner side inner twined seas, which it's like two cuts, like hugging. It's like hugging cuts. And then there's something under it that I can't even decipher. I don't even understand why anybody wants to go to this gym. You know what you need? A bowl of M&M's in the front. It's the only way now anybody's showing up. They need they need the west coast outpost of truth and beauty to be attached to it. That was the truth. I ain't almost saw just by Eddie. So this was them fighting because Eddie is terrible at YouTube videos and throws camera, so they were blaming each other for being terrible. He's like, I'm Eddie. And this is and she's like, why are you introducing me like that? Just say I'm Eddie. And he goes, but I don't say I'm Eddie. Like you normally say I'm Eddie and this is dot dot dot. Yeah, he was like doing a jazzercise video the way because he was presenting a little too hard. And this over here is, come on girl, say your name. It's like, jeez. Yeah, I'm cameras just like work out here. I'm on TV bat. Yeah. So anyway, after that, after this scene, I think we went on to the medium. Vicki. Yeah. Oh yeah. Vicki got a medium. Vicki got a medium. So she needs to have some closure, you know. Oh God, poor Billy. She's like, look at Billy. He's just a strat, you know, because he caught, you know, he counted on my mask. She took care of him. He lived with her and then she died. He can't even find the Disneyland tickets and he doesn't have the password for her iPhone. So, you know, it looks like he's not going to be able to go. You know what he needs to do? He needs to start working. He needs to get a job. Never. He'll be living in the house within a year. Yeah, mock my words. Yeah, he certainly will be. So yeah. So they call a medium to come over. And it's just like flaming gay guy with Tamara's went ahead, which is so funny. They had the same forehead. And she also invites Tamara and Shannon. I don't know why. Yeah. But because they were like, well, the best part was Vicki is explaining. She's like, you know, it's just, you know, I was at, I invited them because I was at Shannon's house when it happened. And I will never forget that night. And Tamara's like, me neither. I will never forget it either. I'm like, Tamara, it's not about you. It's about give it, let Vicki have her moment. But also Vicki. Yeah, I know. Let Vicki have her dead mom moment. Like, how long does this go on? Vicki's like, Oh, Shannon, you know, I'm we're playing Bunko. That's when I found out your mom died. Also, that you got a lot of bunkos. Bunko? Bunko? I don't know. Never mind. Of course not. Oh, God. Who's David? Oh, Bunko. Bunko. David. David is Bunko, the name of your mistress. Bunko. Bunko. Shannon's like, okay. Okay, did you talk to your mom? Okay. Has David had sex with any of these ghosts that you're saying? Tell me. Where have they eaten? Where do these ghosts eat? You have to excuse me. I'm having a Bunko party with a walking hot dog and hamburger. Let's go out to the Bunko. Let's go out to the Bunko. Let's go out to the Bunko and have ourselves a Bunko. So before we even get to the medium part, Shannon is mad because she's like, oh, hi, Brooks. How are you doing? And he's like, great. You know, we were in Mexico. We were in on delays. I ordered a couple of rants of chemo and they brought me extra chips with it. Delicious. She's like, rucks are you juicing? And he's like, yeah. And so she's mad that he's juicing, which I guess we'll get to you later. But this was the foreshadowing. Yeah. Okay. So this medium is like, okay, I'm a thing that your mom, like he literally talks like that. He's like a walking stereotype. He's like, okay, I'm seeing a ghost and the ghost is telling me that your mom had a bad haircut because like, oh my God, she did. He's like, your mom had a terrible accent. She's like, oh my God. Your mom liked cheese. Oh, oh, your mom paid herself. Oh my God. She's like, oh, you're so right. The camera is like, no, he's stupid. He's not that stupid. Well, no, because he's, and he, because he says something like, and your mom also wants you to know that your grandson has tattoo and she likes it, but he should stop. And then the camera is like, what sort of tattoo is it? And then they actually went to commercial on that, like the, the psychic was like, um, and so when they come back, the psychic is like, um, oh, well, uh, let me ask her. Um, so she says she liked the tattoo. And you know, the thing is that it's like, it's hard for me to get a read because when people interrupt me, like Tamara just did, then I can't like listen to the spirits. So don't talk when I'm talking, Tamara. It was like, she's like, I can't probably hear yelled at me when I batch. Yeah, it was like the pissiest medium of all time. Well, good for him. Who needs to sit and have some fucking awful woman with possum face, like hissing at you while you're trying to fake a reading for Christ's sake. Yeah. And I love that Tamara is on this whole thing. Like, you can't even prove your psychic. I mean, like, you can't even prove it. I mean, what am I supposed to have faith? She you remember that you're like a new Christian, right? And you have no proof of anything that you believe you know that, right? So maybe you should try that with the faith a little bit while you're still pretending to be a Christian, you stupid batch. Yeah. And she like, she like wanted to be shown how stupid she was. She was like, she's like, why can't he just like pretend? Why can't he say something like I'm seeing something dark and splotchy? She's like, she wanted him to say something blatantly manipulative that way she could be manipulated into thinking, Oh my God, he's speaking with the spirits. Why? Why does she want that? And his, um, his stuff that he said was actually pretty decent because he told he said, your mom wants to say that her dental work was complete. And Vicki's like, we just paid for her dental work. And then they cut to Brooks looking old jealous. Brooks is like trying to make himself cry. His lips are quivering. We know you're listening because he can't get enough drama. 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I didn't realize I needed that, but okay. Okay. Then we move on to Megan. Oh yeah. She's like, this is how the scene opens. Hello. I'm really having a hard time being a mom, because I'm just 30. I miss 30 year old, and there's like a look, you know, and I have a really dumb stepdaughter who doesn't even go to school properly. So I don't know what to do about it. Pretty much. She's like, hey, let's have a talk. And he's like, what? He's like, hey, you're not doing your school work. And he's like, I don't feel that I'm sick. Like your mom has cancer. Maybe we should stop complaining. I think that what she said, didn't she say like, oh, how was it with your mom? She's like, it was fun, but you know, she's sick. I was like, oh yeah. Oh no, I thought she said it was fun. It wasn't fun because I'm sick. Oh. And I was like, really, you're complaining about like your little headache. Meanwhile, you're spending time with your mom who's dying of cancer in a Carrie Fisher way. Shut up, girl. Like be nicer. Whatever it was, whatever interpretation of the scene it was, they all are stupid. They're all awful. They're all stupid. Because the issue is that Haley, she's basically home school. She's on an independent study, quote unquote, which is basically that they give her work. And she comes into school once a week to prove that she's alive essentially. And she hasn't even been doing that part of it. Yeah, Megan's like, you have to go to school. I mean, at the very least, you can pay attention to economics. Because if you don't, you're going to marry a poor person. And then there's nothing I can do. And Haley's like, whatever, like rolling her eyes and Megan's like, okay, here's a hundred dollars. Yeah, that made no sense. She's like, since you've been doing really well in bowling class, here's a hundred dollars. If you save this up, then you can buy yourself your own purse. And then you wouldn't have to ask your father or me for it. And she's like, okay, bye. It's like her coke winner. She's like sniffling the whole time. Yeah, that was not a great example of parenting. Yeah, it was stupid. Megan's like, I don't know why I can't like figure out parenting. I'm like, well, how about you start with not giving a hundred dollars to your step daughter? That's a good way to start. How about not writing your initials on the back of her dying mother's home antiques while you're walking around the house? Let's start with that, Megan. Yeah, a little miss 30 year old, a little miss 30 year old. Okay, so then we go to Shannon, right? With her pre-balance. It's a pre-v dinner. Because David has to have five Valentine's days a year now because he didn't buy her gifts any year in a row. She's like, well, David, last year, I bought David all these things and he got me nothing. But to be fair, he was also having the affair at that time. Yeah, he was busy. You know, to be fair, he was having an affair with someone who actually made the effort to work out. And, you know, who doesn't give Valentine's gifts? Fat people. That's why they're always giving chocolate to thin people. Fat people don't actually get the chocolate. They get it every other day. It's not special. David, David, where are you going? David. So they go out to this restaurant that it was this is classic Orange County. They go to this restaurant that looks actually fairly classy. And then the waiter walks up and is like, oh, man, I recommend the Mamma Mia Meetsables. Great. And also it was classic Shannon, because she starts, she's like, hi. With that fake. Yes, she does that. She's like, hi, I'd like a Grey Goose meat. And I'd like water with lemons, but I'd like the lemons on the side so I can mix it myself. Yeah, she's like, I'd like to build a bear a bit. Yeah. I'd like to have a deconstructed Manhattan, please. Thank you. And I will construct it the way I have to reconstruct my marriage. Thank you. I'd like to put this together so I can do it in a way that's something palatable for David. So he's not fucking another glass of water by the end of the night. Thank you, waiter. I'd like to have my cocktail fragmented much the way our relationship has been fragmented ever since David's been cheating on me. Thank you. Thank you so much. Could you give me some lukewarm water with ice in it so I can watch the ice dissipate like my marriage? Thank you. I'd like my cocktail neat, please. Just the way my marriage was neat until David ruined it with his mistress, his sloppy, sloppy mistress. So Shannon cannot take a hint. Okay, your first hint is that your husband cheated around one time. Then your second hint was that he cheated red a second and third and fourth time for like a year and a half each time. Okay, and then your third hint is that his romantic gift to you is a diamond bracelet that's a dragon. Yeah, that is not a compliment. This is the magic dragon, the dragon lady, those bitches that Khaleesi can't keep under control. There is nothing good that happens with dragon champion. He's like romantic. He's like, this is a reminder of how overbearing you are and that you are the lady who breathes fire down my neck every time I see you. So, love you, babe. He's like, I wanted to get you a diamond bracelet that feels like shackles the dragon head at the end. She's like, Oh, David. This is you. This is because you remind me of the giant dragon and track that everyone was afraid of and then goes off with the donkey and I'm the donkey. I feel like around you. So, she's freaking out and then she starts fake crying with her. David, David. Oh, David. Oh, no, we'd be here together. Me, you, an updated chilis with me with an evil bracelet. Oh, David, I'm having memories. I hate that I have them. I hate it, but I flooded with shit, David. I thought, well, maybe that gay psychic was talking to her. If anybody needs colon clamps, it's probably her. Well, I think I think this is when she actually said, like, I never thought I'd be here with David. I never thought, you know, six months ago, a year ago, I thought about I had negative thoughts about David all day long. I thought about nothing but his affair. But now I only think about it, you know, 40 or 50 times a day. I was like, woman, that is still all day long. I thought she's gonna be like, I only think about it like three or four times a day, 40 or 50 times a day. I don't think about anything 40 or 50 times a day, except maybe you'd like, am I going to die? That's it. Or M&M's. I think of being in M&M's. Yeah. But yeah, it's just like, I think I only think about it 40, 50 times a day. It's called progress, people. Meanwhile, David's like looking at every woman that passes. He's just like, God, save me. Yeah. Like, honey, I'd just like to thank you for saving our marriage and for keeping our marriage together, honey. And, you know, forcing me into this marriage and threatening to make me a homeless broke person if I left you. Thanks, babe. So romantic. Wow. God, we're talking a lot about a show that nothing happens on. All right. And then Heather went to do stuff to Tamara. I don't care. Yeah. No, that's okay. Heather was just sitting on a beach and being annoying. Yeah. And Heather was like, yeah, you need to really make an effort to see your husband like I do. Like, I see Terry in the morning, I hand him a fruit roll up on the way at the door. And then I'll have sex with him occasionally and maybe try and get FaceTime in. It's great. It's a great relationship. Yeah. That actually sounds awful. You might as well be like having sex with like the harmony app on your phone that controls all the light switches in your house. Like, what the hell? All right. Next is the bowling trip, bowling and heels. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is, yeah, they go to bowling alley. And they're like, do you have to wear bowling shoes? Do you have to? It's like, have you guys, you guys are like 65 years old, each one of you 65 years old and you've never been to bowling alley before? I mean, I have to give props to Megan because she was the one who was like, I don't care what the shoes look like. I'm putting on bowling shoes because I don't want to win. I was like, good for you, girl. Good for you. She wants to win. These bitches were all born when it was still melt crates and like a baby that you hurled at it. Like, get out of here. Like you were here at the dawn of bowling. What are you talking about? Don't act like you don't know how bowling works. I really thought it was funny when Megan said that, yeah, Megan said that she took bowling in high school. She took a bowling class in high school. That actually explained a lot about Megan. Yeah. Megan went to a high school where there was actually a bowling class. Yeah. That's where she learned all her current events. Yeah. Vicki's like, Oh, hi, everybody. Oh, you know, I so hired a ball because my dad mom left a ball. And then she's like, my kids can take care of my mom can take care of Brianna's kids while we kidnap her short trip. I thought my mom was alive. Oh, yeah. You just mentioned her five seconds ago. You know, she did over yourself. Stop it. Well, the part that like made me laugh the most about that when she said, like, Oh, my mom can babysit them. I was like, okay. And then she and then she instead of her being like, Oh God, this is awful. She goes, guys, I forgot my mom died last week. I forgot my mom died two weeks ago. I forgot my mom died. I forgot my mom died. She died. I forgot my mom died. It's like, they're all ordering appetizers. She's like, I'd like some calamari and some of my mom. Oh, I forgot. I forgot you guys 86. Oh God, I'm so embarrassed. Oh, you guys. Vicki, she's like, you know what I hate? I hate bowling shoes. Fashion. Don't you hate that too, mom? Oh God, I forgot my mom died. She's so stupid. It's just a way just that phrase I forgot my mom died. It's such a weird way to say it's like a like oddly blunt, you know, it's like it's for for a dot for someone grieving to say that. It's just like your parent dying is such a serious sad thing. And Vicki has made it. Look, you have me being nice to first week. That's why you get bitch. It's like three weeks later. Stop it. She's like, now I have mom here because my mom died. And I forgot. Oh, and then when she's like, oh, you know, all my mom died. And I still call her voicemail. And I'm like, hi, ma'am. It's Vicki. I hope you're playing bridge. And then I'm like, oh, they got it for God. She died. But please that voicemail would have been full like two weeks ago. Get over it. No one believes you stop it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like taking our attention off your square tits and your fake cancer husband. Get out of here. Vicki, do something else. All right. What else happens here? Blah, blah, blah. Lizzy shows up. Lizzy might as well just be like a stain. I don't even know what I'm going to say. She is pointless poor thing. And she is trying so hard. She's like, hi, everybody. And I'm like, could you order some more calamari from that girl who just? Yes, Lizzy. Well, of course, she's like sitting at the table alone first. She's just waiting for everyone to get over there from the bowling alley. Like classic Lizzy, just alone, alone at a table. And they always get up to leave and don't tell Lizzy. Like, if you notice in every scene, everybody's leaving and Lizzy's like, Oh, I guess we're going to leave now. Okay, let me see. How are you fine? So Lizzy's rude to her. Blah, blah, blah. Okay, so then they go to the restaurant where they're still ignoring Lizzy and Heather has to order everything because she's controlling blah, blah, blah. I don't even know what happens here, except that Heather Megan wants to have a game night for couples. Shannon looks horrified and Heather's still pretending that Megan's just a waiter. It's like, are you going to be taking care of us tonight? Well, then as so then they have dinner where they're like, okay, we're all going to go to Tahiti. And and what's her face? Heather is like furious that she's like doesn't know what the island is indeed. She's like, it's a hotel, right? It's a hotel that we're going to go the name of the hotel. They're like, no, it's an island. But the island's named with the hotel, right? It's Terry knows about the hotel. Like, no, it's you don't know what it is. It's just an island. No, no, it's that's the name of the car company. It was the rental place. Moria. Moria. Yeah, okay. So then they all go home and there's this like random scene with Megan. It's this really stupid scene. Stupid. Where they she goes home and she sees like some of Haley's homework sitting out there and she's like, Haley, she did this wrong. And then there's like an extended sequence where she has a calculator and she's like plugging numbers into the calculator. She's like, that's wrong. That's wrong. I'm like, you know, I'm not sure if I trust your instincts on the stock market homework. Miss 30 year old miss 30 year old bowling class graduate. Like the blind leading the blind at this point. She's like, if you're in the stock market, a strike means that you get two turns added on to it. Oh, she did this all wrong. Also, that was the scene. This was my favorite stand of the night because it was Megan trying to like get people on her side. And she's like, you know, I'm always telling Jim, I'm just afraid of failure. I don't think I can do this. I mean, I thought it could be a mother and now her mother's gonna die. And then it's just gonna be me. And what if I'm not a good mother? The bitch is 17 years old. You have to be a mother for like six more months. Shut up, lady. Like, I'm not buying this shit. That girl is almost old enough to marry, you know, your fucking throwaways. Please, she'll be fine. She's, you've already taught her enough, dude. You're married to a rich guy. You're his third one. You've taught her, stay thin, darling, and stay young if you ever want a man to pay for a house and new antiques for you that you don't have to share with some other people. Yeah, Megan, shut up. Yeah, I just shut up for you. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Just stick it. Take her to the bowling alley. Take her to the bowling alley. But don't expect don't expect Shannon Bedora to come back to the bowling alley, because you know why? You won't find me at the bowling alley on a Saturday night. David just like to put his fingers in his mistress and toss her around while I'm not gonna bowl. Not on a Saturday night. That's the night that I don't even need cereal out of a bowl. You know, my Saturday nights, I don't go to the bowling alley. Saturday nights are reserved for me driving around Orange County trying to find David and his mistress, David. Thanks to David. Every time I try and eat cereal, I get milk all over myself. Thanks, David. Great, David. David, where are you calling? I hope you're getting some sugar for my Cheerios. David, David. David at Saturday night, that means I got my flashlight. I'll be driving around the streets of Orange County trying to find you. Got my flashlight. David, negative thoughts. David, this car doesn't even have gas. It's making its way to your mistress's house on negative thoughts. David, filled completely by negative thoughts. David, David, David, it's Saturday night. That means I'll be patrolling the 73 looking for you. David, David. Oh, yeah. Okay, Vicki and Tamara's mom. Okay, Vicki and Tamara's car breaks down. I don't care. Yeah, although I did think it was funny while they were in the car. Tamara's like, "Yeah, so my mom was doing this hilarious thing. And then my mom was like, "Oh my God, Tamara." And then I was like, "I know, mom, right? We're like so close to me and my mom." That's really appropriate right now. Yeah. And Vicki's like, "Oh yeah, I love my mom too." Wait, she said I forgot! Did you take me to my mom's house driver? Oh my God, I forgot she died. Oh my God, I forgot she died. Oh my God, I forgot she lives in the middle of the country too. Oh my God, everything. It's all coming back. Vicki's telling Tamara, you know, when I, Breanne asked me where I want to be when I die. And I told her I want to be in a wall next to my mom, you know, because like a mausoleum, like a wall. Vicki probably thinks she's really in like some wall somewhere. Mom, are you in there? Oh, look at the lights went out. Mom, is that you in the wall? It's a mausoleum, you idiot. And Tamara wants to be stuffed like a mannequin in a store. Oh my God. Is there a gremlin store? I know. Vicki, you better hope that they stuff you and like change everything about you, because right now you look like you're a mannequin in a possum store. Yeah, shut up. Yeah, that's, unless she's talking about like the spirit of Halloween store that pops up in September, I don't see any store that wants her. That temporary store that's always in some warehouse next to a church. Yeah, so it's always in like the former boarders bookstore space. Yeah, I'm spirit of Halloween. Yeah, it's like the old Luan's fabrics or whatever. What's that place called? Oh, Joanne's fabrics. Luan's fabrics. Luan's fabrics might as well be telling. It's basically made out of Joanne's fabrics. Yeah. So then the episode ended with Tamara and Eddie deciding they're not going to work together and that Tamara's going to go back to real estate. So that's great. And that's, um, that's basically it. So why don't we go on to married to medicine? Okay, but next week on Orange County, just for those of you who are complaining that there are no storylines, eight, that's the whole point. Yeah. And being next week, you get to watch Shannon and David plays a newlywed game. Oh, yeah, that's going to be great. Shannon already started laughing out loud when I saw that. Yeah, David, David. All right, bye Orange County. We'll see you next week. Bye, close X. Don't save delete notes. Never happened late, late, all right, married to medicine, girl. Okay. Now in these previously, I noticed that last week in the strip club, when Lisa Marie was yelling at the, the transgender stripper and stuff, she was holding a pair of chopsticks. Yeah, I remember that. What? You're eating sushi in a strip club? Are you not? Who does that? Maybe she was, maybe she was just enjoying a lovely gyoza. Well, I mean, as we sell raw fish in a strip club. Oh my God, it's like double the ass. Well, according to Darren later on, he does say they have very good food there. Oh, Darren. Man, Darren is not aging well. You know, it's in a shame when you marry for looks, and then they become ugly. That's called karma, bitch. He does have, I do feel a little bit bad for him because he doesn't have dad bot. He actually has mom bot at this point. And mom jeans. Yeah, he's got like a big old like mom, but you know, like, you know how like, certain moms have certain butts. He's got one of those. Yeah, I mean, I really don't like bagging. Well, I guess I do it all the time. I don't really like bagging on people's looks just for the fun of it. But I guess my thing is like, when you're dating someone, don't think of how they look right now. Because first of all, if you start dating young, everyone's the cutest when they're young, right? You have to think, how is this person going to look when they're old? Like, when they're old and great, do they have nice eyes? Is there a cheek high enough? Like, what is it? Because he's not aging well. She should have looked into the future. Yeah. Yeah, that's, it's not working out well for poor Darren. But anyway, let's start at the top of the episode. We have a montage of nothing. Yes, the usual thing where it's like, oh, baby, getting it done, getting it done, making life happy. Boy, it just got to pop tart out of the toast. Yeah. And then it moves on to heavenly. Yeah, she's like, oh, Laura, let's talk about heavenly's angels, Laura. Laura, what do you do happen in the doorway? Laura, why don't you come on in here? Girl, you lady. Because if you're a lady, you can sit in my bag. I'm gonna start Dr. Heavenly's Young Angels because people need me to tell them things. I have a question. How many motivational speeches happen in Atlanta on any given day? Because every single show that takes place in Atlanta has like three of these seminars per season. It was like in the new Atlanta, Real House House of Atlanta, this show, every single show. It's like, it's like, how many people in Atlanta need to be empowered? It's just non-stop, non-stop. Like how she explains it to a Laura? And she's like, you know how I tell you can be anything? And the Laura is like, aha, except gone. And she's like, yeah, Laura. Well, you know, some people need someone to look up to you like me. I mean, some people don't have moms to tell them how good they are. And the Laura is like, they don't have moms. And she's like, and my mom's good like me too. So Heavenly's gonna be everybody's better mom, like mentor them. So that's her plan. That works that great. Speaking of inspirational figures, then we have Toya who, Toya's like pretending to work in her office. She's basically drawing X's and nose on something. And she is wearing fishnets and like a doctor's like a white coat or something like that. Which you would think is going to like set up the scene for like, oh, Jean, let's get dirty right now on the ambulance. But she's just wearing a long dress shirt? Well, maybe it was just a long white dress shirt. Maybe that's just a dress shirt. But then it was then it just sort of like they kind of abandoned the idea that she was dressing sexy. And then she is like, she decided to give Jean some business advice because she wants to be a consultant with Nomad on the. So she like, she has like a whiteboard filled with all the ideas that she has. And like, it just these random words like rejuvenate or nomad. Like, it reminded me of back like 10 years ago when the Hills was on. And I remember Lauren and Whitney were sitting in their closet at the Teen Vogue offices. And Whitney had like a post-it on her computer. And it was empty. It was just a blank post-it that she put on her computer screens or a reminder of nothing. It's like, here, if I put this on my screen, it looks like it did some work. And it was like, there was, you wrote nothing on that post-it. And then you attach it to your computer screen. So reminds me of this, like, if I write rejuvenate on a whiteboard and Nomad, that proves that I'm qualified to be a consultant for this failing business. She just says things. She's like, Eugene, you didn't even talk to conciliars or you need vitamins. Eugene, what you should have did was Eugene get some vitamins, get some vitamins A, B, and C. And he put them together and you have alphabet M.D. in your nose that you injected. He's like, you're not in marketing. You're in sales. You're a saleswoman. And she's like, yeah, but I would have been in marketing if they'd move me up, but I just never stayed long enough at a job to move into marketing. I just, okay, I would have been in marketing. I just don't have the work experience. That's all, all the education. That's all. And the only reason why I work in sales is because I really like boats, you know. She's like, or in the music industry, a lot of people need injections of IVs. Yeah, because it's right. It's all right here in the IV. Yeah, that's what she said. Yeah, she was like, get injected in the IV. I'm like, no, you, I wrote that down too. I'm like, you stupid idiot. I've been reading a lot about what the drug is as he says, most people get their drugs in the IV. Hmm. And stupid toy is sitting there, like trying to dress like a secretary and talk Eugene into all of this through sex. Look, obese men, first of all, it's going to take him like an hour and like a few helicopters to even get that dick out of his man China. I speak as someone with one. Fat guys don't just like get horny. We have to like want to get horny. And then you have a lot of squeezing to do. Okay. Second of all, no man who's been at work all day is going to get horny in the secretary scenario. Yeah, you can't be like, welcome to the work. He just asked to masturbate binge and go to bed. Yeah. And I think talking about marketing and sales and making a fake flow chart are not going to help matters either. And also, why are you naming your medical company Nomad? That is the worst name. Do you know what Nomads do? Nothing. They just travel around sponging off of everybody else. It's like, hobo health care. We have all the medicines and a sack on a stick. Come in with a cold and leave with flies flying around you and crusted up poop in your butt crack. It's like, no, that's not a good thought. How about like, hero health? Yeah, something. Yeah, exactly. Like, wait, then to end off this meeting, her white board falls on the ground. She doesn't know how to put it up. She's like, I'm not to do that. What I should have did was attach it more firmly to the stem. Whoops. She's like, Oh, this candle didn't do anything too much applesauce. So next up, we have my favorite recurring scene of this series, which is the two doctors of the show sitting around pretending to talk about cases. Yeah, because they never have an episode where they're like, Hey girl, hey, what's up? It's always like, Oh, I had a patient today with an inebriated blah, blah and a funk stone. And then someone's always like, Oh, I'll be your girl. She's like, that's right. Her tubes are blocked. And they're like, Oh, all right, let's talk about the strip club. So these two women, Simone telling Jackie about what happened with the strip club was amazing. It was so funny. Oh, she was doing an imitation of the stripper. And then she's like Lisa lost it, baby. She lost it. And then Jackie goes, now this is the time. Listen, Nicole, did you put your cards up? Put your sunglasses on now, girl. I love those women. I know. My God. So funny. I guess I don't have much to say about that, except I love those two women. They're so fucking funny. Okay, so then we go to drama music and we're at Lisa Nicole's house. Yes. Yes. She was hilarious at the end of the night. It's like still the sun's about to go down. She's like, I need some coffee. I'm going to be facing hangers in the proper direction all night. And as the door opens and Darren comes home out of the garage, Lisa literally looked at the camera like, Oh, Jesus, I have to deal with this motherfucker. Like she's not even bothering to pretend she's home alone, right? And Darren's ignoring it. And she's already fought with him, so she brings it up again so she can have him apologize on camera. And Darren's like, well, well, and his excuse was, well, you know, babe, sometimes, sometimes I go to the strip clubs every now and then. And then she's like, no, not every now and then he's like, well, it wasn't my choice. It wasn't my choice, which is others wanted to go. And it was their idea. And I was like, okay. He's like, I basically was raped. I was strip club raped. It was like non-consensual. I mean, you know what I wanted to do? I wanted to go to church. I wanted to go and just sit there and think about God and my wife and the two things I love the most. But then I thought, why would I spend all that time on my knees and give 10% when I can give that 10% to somebody else to be on their knee? Yeah, it all worked out perfect. And she's like, yeah, but I remember that night and I asked you where you had gone. And you said you went to get something to eat. And he's like, well, I ate a pussy. And he literally goes, he literally goes, well, they have a nice menu. And she's like, she's like, okay, that's true. There's, she was wonderful. And he go, she said, she also said, God, fearing men, don't go to strip clubs. And he said, listen, a lot of American men go to a strip club. You know, a lot of American men who make up their own rules for a religion they used to judge other people with go to strip clubs. Like, no, this bravo religion is not religion. If religion was strip clubs and fucking psychics and just gambling and doing whatever the fuck you want and getting married 10 times, everybody would be Christian. Okay, there would be no war about you. You know, Darren's biggest problem is not that he went to a strip club. It's that he has a Brillo pad on his chin. He needs to shave that shit. It looks terrible. It is awful. Not cute. Not cute. And also, how is he a doctor? Because he can't talk. Because he actually said what I should have did, which is totally. Your husband talks like toy. You shouldn't be worried about all the pussies getting in a strip club. You should be worried that he talks like toy a girl run. Maybe they're going through some sort of freaky Friday thing. Maybe Toya is stuck inside Darren's body. Babe, what I should have did was to call the drug gazar and have my mommy juice and then back at Toria's house. It's like, you know what would help people would call Nomad if somebody sat on their face every time they showed up. Because you can actually help each other. All right. So now we have now we go to Quad and she just learned news that Mariah had a miscarriage. And now Quad is feeling bad. And this is where Quad has revealed her new tagline or her new favorite phrase, which was like, well, you know, certain things have transpired between us, which she said five four or five times over course episode. No exaggeration. She's like, you know, things were certain things that transpired between me and Mariah. But you know, I would never wish this on her, you know, especially even in consideration the fact that certain things have transpired between us. Yeah, she was like a really stupid person in improv class that has to play a lawyer in a scene where they're just like making big sentences, but they don't know any words. Yeah, Toria, all I could do was focus on that wig and think God that lopsided wig actually comes off as more intelligent than Quad in this scene. And then she's feeding her husband. And all her husband wants to do is nothing to do with her. He's just like, I'm looking at Facebook, baby. And she's like, Facebook, no, adults is on the Facebook anymore. Only 70 year old women are on books for the faces. Nobody does it. What are you talking about? She's like, I used to be on it, but certain things have transpired on Facebook. And well, we all know I can no longer be part of that social media network. Yeah, it's like everybody found out that you had your face in Mariah's nook. Yeah, everyone everyone liked like thousands of people liked that your whole eating Mariah's vagina picture on Facebook. And so now you're insisting no one uses it. Sorry, honey. Of course they do. And especially Mariah, because Mariah is such a needy fucking fame whore, sad slag of a woman who puts that on Facebook. It was like two paragraphs long. And she's like, we have experienced a miscarriage, not only a miscarriage, but a double. We have so saddened. Listen, I'm sorry for your double loss. You do not put that shit on Facebook, bitch. Nobody wants to read about your miscarriage on the Facebook. I want to like kitty pictures or congratulate people on weight loss or like see who's in a relationship status. I want to know about your miscarriage, save that shit for the thrifty nickel. Yeah, I agree. I would not want to post that like, yeah, it's thirsty, thirsty. Yeah, thirsty. It's really sad. So she's on Facebook talking about her miscarriages, awkward, and quad's like, maybe I should have seen him her. It's like making bad sentences. So the husband's like, baby, maybe you should become friends from Mariah again. Lisa, do you want to try and make me food? And so she decides to go see Mariah again, her allegedly ex lover. Yes. So AKA, she realizes that she has no friends left. So she has to go back to Mariah. Yeah, because she refuses to hang out with people because they're nice to somebody that she doesn't like. Yeah. Quad needs to go. Yeah. Quad is done in season one. And she is she's done. She's passed her expiration point. Get her out of here. I'm sick of her. I'm sick of her wigs. I even hate her stupid dogs. You know what? If you're forced to wear pajamas every day, either run away, run into an electric fence, or learn how to take that shit off with your teeth. I do not want to look at you pathetic little dogs and you're fucking pajamas anymore. I'm sick of all of you. All of you get out. Yeah, I agree. I think Quad is done. I think I think her expiration date has been reached. She's no longer entertaining and she's not, she's just doesn't bring anything. Well, she's awful. Yeah, get rid of her. Done. She's done. Done. Done. Even her bad English is not fun anymore. If Lisa Nicole is more entertaining than you, then you've got a real problem. Okay. And Lisa Nicole. So now we have, let me go to the seminar. Heavenly is talking about infidelity at the seminar. And I love Lisa Nicole is already like on edge. And she even has the, this is Lisa Nicole, who held a similar seminar last year about empowering women. She then tells us, well, it's like my grandma always used to say, men are going to be men. And you know, at least if they're gonna do something, hopefully they'll do it. And you won't hear about it and be disrespected. I'm like, how is that empowering in any way? That's awful. Yeah, it's like you're married to a pig. And he's going to cheat on you and just don't, you know, as long as you don't find out about it, he's respecting you. It's like she's not mad that he went to the strip club. She's mad that everybody found out about it, you know, and then she was fine with it once that she could find a way to spin it that Oh, he was just there once with his brother eating, you know, pussy sushi or whatever. And like it's fine because now she can explain it. She's not embarrassed by it. So gross. And then she goes and tells the room, she's like, I'm glad I gave Darren another chance because he changed. I'm like, what? It's like, oh, he did change. Now he likes strippers at cheetahs instead of the slutty zebra, whatever it's called. Yeah, now he's actually tipping the women he fucks before he was just getting him free, you know, this whole thing was disgusting because heavenly, heavenly mentor heavenly who just wants to help young ladies, you walk in, it's heavenly's gigantic, stupid face everywhere. And then all the women there, as Nini would say, those are Twitter people. That was not a young woman seminar. Those people are like 40 years old. Okay. Yeah. And then every issue that heavenly brought up was mocking one of the ladies or completely embarrassing them on national television in front of a bunch of Twitter, 40 year olds. That was not nice. She's like, toy is a gold dick. So she'll talk about that. And you know, someone says it is. And then Lisa Nicole, the second she walks in, she's like, his husband is heading to fair. Oh, by the way, all of the women are like raising their hands. Like my hands, I just stayed. Jackie said it best when she said, you know, heavenly seminar is going to, heavenly's empowerment seminar is all going to be about listening to your man and doing whatever he says. Yep. And basically the most important thing, Heavenly said, and the whole thing was when she made the doctors show how to put a condom on with a banana. And she's like, my man, that's what that's what makes me famous. That's what I'm known for my math. Oh, yeah, you got to put that condom on with Vanessa love. And she starts like masturbating this banana. It was a bit much. So then afterwards, then there was like, I think the women were all talking and Jill was upset, right? Because she was, she was so upset about Lisa Nicole, the way she treated her at the strip club. And she's like, I'm not used to people coming at me with things that aren't cohesive with my personality. What? Oh, congruent, my dear God for Jill. So stupid. To be the dumbest person on this show. I mean, that's a really low bar. If you want anybody on your limbo team, it's going to be that girl, because she can like, they lowered the bar and she still made it under. Congratulations. I want to see Jill and Toya playing Wheel of Fortune. That's what I want to see. A lot of letters, a lot of letters are left on the ground. They'd keep spending their husband's money on money on vowels. I'd like to buy tea. Oh, it's a consonant. That's a joke would be like, it's free. Okay, I'll blow you. No, literally, it's free. You don't have to pay for it. Um, blah, blah, blah. So Lisa, by the way, Lisa Nicole didn't apologize to Jill. No, after all that, Lisa decided Jill's like, um, I just wanted you to know I don't have anything to do with that strap and Lisa Nicole's like, Oh, yeah, I went home and told Darren. And then I found out that Darren went there because his brothers made him and he just needed extra wasabi for his pussy sushi. And then Jill's like waiting for a sorry and it never comes. I know. I mean, if anything, I mean, that was mostly I'm bravo. Usually with the way these things happen is that someone has a lot of attitudes until the person who committed the error goes up and apologizes. We rarely see someone who deserves the apology, go up to the other person and be like, listen, I just want to like make sure everything's okay. Cause I just want to, I just want to like, you know, I had nothing to do with that. Like Jill did not have to do that. And so the fact that she did that and then she still didn't even get an apology. I don't know. I felt that for her. Yeah, that was bad. And then she kept pushing for it. And Lisa Nicole's like, well, whatever, you know, he did smell like fish when he came home. So I let it go. And Jill's like, yeah, but just again, just so you know, you know, you yelled at me, but I want you to know that I had nothing to do with it. And Lisa Nicole's like, well, I'm just going to have to take your word for it. And we will take this one day at a time. What? What does that mean? That's what you say to alcoholics. And yeah, like, yeah, what's happening? I don't understand how this show works or how the women on this show work. To me, they're all nuts. Right. Stupid, stupid. All right, we can skip a lot of this. Let's see. Let's see. There was a part where who wants a new car? Well, what was this? Is this one? Is this one Eugene was eating a snack late at night? And then she was doing something. She was kissing his ass, whatever. And Eugene goes, don't put butter on me. I'm not a role. Yes, you are a bitch. You are what you eat. Lord knows you got plenty of them. She catches him like binging in the middle of the night. Eugene has gained probably a hundred pounds. This show started, by the way. Listen, Nomad. Guess what Nomads do? They walk. Yeah. Well, he's going to need an ambulance soon. Take it over on the shoe. And then, and then Eugene and his partner decide to interview Toya to make sure she's qualified to join the team. And his partner, who's like, operationally, we have operations down pat. I'm like, Oh God. Sounds like I really do. Yeah, this sounds like a great business. It's like, I want to make sure your proper fit for all place. I'm like, you, you can't even get Eugene a shirt that fits. I don't think you're going to be the arbiter of fit. Okay. Oh, fit is the new it. He's like, well, you know, Toya, we don't really want you on here, but you know, certain actions have transpired. So, you know, we're going to have to have you come on. Yeah, that was embarrassing. Yeah. He was like the SNL Johnny Cochrane. Yeah, it was, it was, it was bad. Then we get to the best part, but they do hire her because, you know, she may not know anything. She may be stupid, vapid, and basically just a fucking effect guy for his money. But at the end of the day, she's on TV. And that's what's really important to a business. Exactly. Because I know that when I'm sick, I want Toya. I want her expertise. I'm like, what would Toya's obese husband think of my cold? I'm calling him and having him come right over. You know that guy smells like chicken fingers. Okay, so next is the apex of the show, or as they would say on this show, the plex. Quad goes over to Mariah's gigantic lease, in the middle of nowhere with a terrible man-made lake. Yes. And no furniture inside. And she's like, I have wronged the bell to show you that I'm ready to think thing. Mariah's like, welcome back to the castle, bitch. And so they have the funniest fucking talk. And it really made me want Mariah back right now. I know it made me too, especially when, you know, Quad is explaining everything, explaining all the certain things that have transpired. And Mariah, Mariah, her response was to us. She goes, that's what happens when you go to the cemetery and recruit a dead person to be your new BFF. You hang with the walking dead, honey, and you knew they're going to go for blood. Girl, that girl's so dead. She's laying in the grave. That carnation's all over her. That's how dead she is. I'm like, you know, it's vampires that go for the blood, not the zombies. We'll let that one slide, Mariah, because you went for it. You swung big on that one. You're like, I am going to set up a very elaborate metaphor. So I can say at the end that they're going for blood. That is why her and Quad are friends, or she and Quad are friends, because they just talk like they make no sense, and they just, like, wink at each other and go, Girl, she's like, made sense, not a bit dead. I know. She's like, uh-huh, girl, girl, you better zip up that scoop out and get out into that ocean and be careful, because when you have friends that are down in the ocean, you're going to go get bit by shock or they are out for blood. I was like, Oh, oh, now I see where you're going with that. And then Quad is like, when I heard that you were pregnant, I was happy. And she's like, trying to cry, but it's like fake Quad cry where even the 18 pounds of wig she has on top of her and 100 degree weather can't make her squeeze up any moisture from her face. And Mariah goes, Girl, you know, she tried to cry, but that tear got stuck. And then they cut back and Mariah is staring at her waving for her to actually cry. She's like, Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And Quad can't do it. Oh my God. Get her back on the show right now. Yeah. Absolutely. I agree. And then Mariah is like, well, you know, I'm just glad to be here, girl, because it was just so scary. First, you're pregnant, then it's twins, and then you miscarried, and then they're trying to take your throat out on the way down. I'm like, look, I know miscarriage is sad, but were they trying to murder you from the inside? What was going on there? She's like, I'm just glad I made it here. I'm glad I made it back home. Shut up. All right. Get out of here. Yeah. I was, I was surprised at how much I was happy to see Mariah given that I hated her for the past two seasons. And then it's like, when she's gone, you realize, Oh, wow, she's kind of essential. And they need to get her back on the show and get her into the mix as soon as possible. She's an awful human being, but she's a funny awful human being. Funny, funny, awful, funny, funny, funny, and I keep quad. You need Mariah because those two are perfect together. They're just too much. Yeah. Absolutely. And then the tree and quad is the branch. Then they show the clip where Mariah is like, uh, Mariah is like, well, you know, quad. I actually did apologize to you, and you never apologized to me. And then they cut to Mariah's earnest apology at the reunion where Mariah is like, okay, fine, quad. I'm so sorry. I made you famous and amazing. And then quad's like, you just started me. And then whatever, which, so is never a real apology anyway. But quad's like, you're right. You know, I am sorry. I was in a baseball player with an oven mitt. And then that's like, okay. And they forgive each other. And then Mariah goes, this is so terrible to say that Mariah goes, yeah, well, I don't know about my relationship with quad. I can say this much, baby steps. I was like, too soon. You can remember your own storyline for Christ sake, women, baby steps. I didn't even pick up on that. God, this show kills me. Well, certain things have transpired. So, you know, oh, and then Mariah goes, you may be, you may not like me at times, quad, but I never did a background check on your ass. I didn't call experience a trans union. And then she names like every background check company that has ever been infected. I never used any of those or the FBI. Next week, where's quad? Oh, everybody's wondering where quad is. And Jackie's like, quad means a lot of time to get over things. And she's just not over it. As long as she's eating within her calorie allowance, I say good for her. And then we see Eugene like night binging again. And then Phaedra comes on to tell quad that she can get Lisa Nicole thrown in jail. Oh, yeah, that's right. We have Phaedra coming on next week. Even Phaedra is looking at quad like she's fucking crazy. Yeah. Love this show. I'm surprised Quad isn't in a full body cast by now. At least Nicole Cloud. She threw water at me. And I have a scratch and I have to be in traction now. And what she says next week, she also says, I'm a model, honey. Yes. Pay me for this face. I'm like name one person who has ever paid you for your face. I know. Name one. Okay. I mean, was she on the cover of Armadillo Fancy Magazine? I don't know. Oh, my ankles asleep. Wrap it up. Clear the podcast. All right, everyone. Everyone. Thank you for listening. Thank you to our sugar mamas, Claudia and Kristi. Thank you for everything. I think everyone. No, but seriously guys, we have our live show in Austin. If you're going to be in Texas, you'll be in Austin. You'll be in that area. Come to our live show at the bar. The keyboard. Downtown on Saturday and Saturday, July 25th, 5 p.m. Come on Dan, it's free of charge. Yeah, it's going to be so fucking funny. You won't believe it. And that's also a reminder that our next episode this week will be going up this weekend. So don't freak out. Okay, do not freak out. There stay won't be up until Sunday. Don't freak out. Don't do not. If you get bored, you can listen to our old episodes on iTunes or on Stitcher or SoundCloud. Most of you still haven't gotten the last one, which was so much fun. We did live on Periscope and died. Yeah. And if you want even more, you can donate on Patreon and listen to our bonus episode. That's content. So anyway, thanks everyone for listening. Thank you, Ronnie. And I'll see you soon in Texas. I love you. I can't believe I'm going to get to see in Texas. Are we still going to do that thing on Thursday night? Have you heard? Yeah, you got a ticket. I'm going to see you twice in Texas. Okay, we're going to have so much fun on Thursday. And I will have our Periscope turned on late night on Thursday. So we will find you somehow on Thursday. Yeah. Everybody out there in the way. It's be great. And look forward to our single twice in Texas. I can't wait to make out with your boyfriend. He's mine. He's mine. So cute. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Ronnie. I can't wait to make out with him also. What are you thanking me for? I'm thanking you for I'm just complimenting my boyfriend's serving. You know, I compliment the grand canyon. No one says thank you for it. It's just gorgeous on its own telling. Can't wait. On behalf of God, I say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the grand about the grand canyon. Thank you, Claudia and Prissy for making it a beautiful canyon for us. Thank you. You guys, thank you for being here. This has been the most fun drunk podcast I've ever had. I'm going to miss you twin bed with my purple tits. Love it. All right. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the side show network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for it. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomity. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. To the insurance company that did me wrong, I've moved on. I'm happily insured with another. Bless your peep, thicken heart. It was just never meant to be betwixt us. You gave me automobile insurance apprehension. And Gaco has come along in just 15 minutes, given me new car insurance and made me as duplicate as a newborn lamb in springtime. And Paul has given Gaco his approval. That's one thing you never had. Joyful with another. Clara May in Colombia. Gaco. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watch what Crap-ins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. I'm Lindsey Graham, host of Wondery Show American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history, presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our latest series, entrepreneur Lou Perlman becomes the mastermind behind two of the biggest pop groups in the world, the Backstreet Boys, and In Sync. He also oversees a sprawling business empire that includes a charter jet company, restaurants, and real estate. But Perlman's successful facade crumbles after he sued by the boy bands for siphoning millions from them. And soon investigators discover that Perlman is keeping his empire afloat through an even more devious scheme. Follow American Scandal on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Experience all episodes ad-free and be the first to binge the newest seasons only on Wondery+. 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