Is it just me or is TV gotten really complicated? Thankfully, Fylo has changed that for me, one service, all the stuff I need. Fylo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss, live on networks like A&E, Paramount, Discovery and TLC. Classics like The Office, Martin and Friends that I never get sick of, and all the incredible originals on AMC+ from Mad Men Hello to Orphan Black. And don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and re-watch anytime for a whole year. Never miss a minute of shows like The Golden Girls, you know I'm always watching The Golden Girls, and Fylo has it. Best of all, with Fylo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contract, no hassles. Just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Fylo.tv and check it out for a free seven-day trial. That's P-H-I-L-O.TV to start watching. Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. 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Sometimes I even go to the grocery store just so I can look to see what's on them. And this week I was there and I saw, oh, the Oprah magazine. And I started to leave me through this, oh, magazine, because I thought it meant, "Oh, be cool. Don't be so un-o-cool." And it turns out it's all about Oprah. And all she does is invite people over to her house and have gardening and grilling and teach you how to be totally chill and cool and talk to the most delicious man ever. I thought, "Now I am being cool. Not all uncool." I thought Oprah had something going on. I mean, I'm seeing her in the Hamptons all the time, and I'll tell you this much. I've never seen that bitch hold a plate of hisparagus before. But here she is on "O" magazine. I would be so embarrassed for if I was in the grocery store. But thankfully, I'm in my own bed curled up at home with a busboy at my ankles, because I have next issue magazine, and I get all of this on my iPad. That's right. Get your free 30-day trial at nextissue.com/crapins and get access to not only Oprah's own private magazine -- that's really public, called "O" magazine -- but also all sorts of fun stuff like "Time" magazine and "Bloomburg" magazine and "Rolling Stone," and "Men's Health," Dwayne Johnson's on it, all that fun stuff. David Letterman, happy at last. What's that a quote from a magazine? I know, because I get them on my iPad, in my bed. With a busboy at my ankles. So please go to nextissue.com/crapins. And get your subscription. It'll be delivered right to your little device. Yes, the Countess has had a long night. It's very hard for, but you know what though? If you're hungover, a great way to wake up is on your tablet to read all your favorite magazines. It's like Netflix for magazines. So get your free 30-day trial at nextissue.com/crapins now and read up way up on all your interests. Nextissue.com/crapins. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Okay, everyone. Welcome to the Watch what Crap and Podcasts of broadcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karen from Trash Talk TV, and I'm here with the gorgeous, thin, slightly sweaty, lotion-smelling, fresh Mexican food-breathed Ben Mantleker of the B-side blog and the banter blender. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? It's great to see you. This is very special because we are not only recording this live in person and not over Skype. We are mere inches from each other's faces because we're trying to cram onto the screen from Periscope. Yeah! This podcast is actually being broadcast live for those of you who are watching it on Periscope, all 34 of you. We don't get together in real life that much when we record, so we figured we'd do it with you guys. We can talk shit with you while we do it. Sorry, I hope we don't get to annoying reading this thing because I'm just staring at myself the whole time. It's really transfixing. It's like looking in a mirror, but then people are talking to you through the mirror. I know. If my mirror was like this at home, I'd feel a lot better about myself. Everyone's so much nicer than my mirror. My mirror just says like spots. Yeah. I'm like gum spit. Yeah. Not gum spit. Toothpaste spit. You know, when you brush your teeth and get toothpaste spit all over the mirror? Yeah. So we are here. This is the second episode of the week on the Watch What Crap is podcast. We just had some Mexican food and we just watched Real Housewives of New York City and Secrets and Wives. And Secrets and Wives. Just talk to me through there. Look, we can see each other's face. Yeah, we can just see that. Now, before we get into the shows from this week, we have to, of course, plug our Facebook page, which is so fun. Yeah. Facebook.com/WatchWhatCrapins. If you're listening to this podcast, or if you're watching on Periscope right now, be sure to- You guys, it's so good. People fight over the funnest things. Today, it's not funny. It's like more having a race war today, actually. It's a black hair war, which you should not- Don't ever mess with a black woman's hair. Everybody knows that. It's not just hair. It is a cultural thing, everybody. Stop talking about black people's hair if you're not a black person. Did you ever watch Joy's new channel on The Amazing Race? Don't discuss this. Don't be talking about it. You don't understand if you don't have to live with it, okay? Yeah. One of our Periscope readers is still HBO, still HB. All the news is on the FB page. It's so fun. It's true. It actually is like a really super fun thing. And also, we are very excited because Leah Black, who was on the podcast last week. Leah Black from Real Housewives of Miami, apparently she was quoted by Andy Cohen on tonight's Watch What Happens. That's weird because- What she said on our podcast. Yeah, she was saying on the show, "Oh, I think the housewives are like so. It's about nothing, but you're still laughing." Yeah. So much of masturbation jokes rolled into a sitcom. You know, whatever. So she said that, and she was asking us if we'd ever met Andy too, and we haven't. And then we did a Reddit AMA today, and they were asking us about Andy. Andy Cohen does not want to meet us. I can guarantee you that. He does not. And we were like, "He does not want to ever hear us or listen to us or whatever." But then, I guess someone at his place did because they heard what Leah said. Yeah. Didn't mention Watch What Crappins, so thanks a lot, Andy. I think they're like aware. And like I said on the AMA, there was that one period of time when I was direct messaging with him. And he used to follow me, and then he became famous. You're not me, girl. Girl, he followed me. He followed me, but no longer. He'll follow me for two seconds, and he'll be like, "Bye, bitch! You're an awful human being." He dropped me like a bad habit. So anyway, so that's Facebook. And then, of course, Patreon. Oh my god, the Patreon. If you follow us on, if you donate to us on Patreon, we are very thankful for that. And it really helps us out a lot. And you get access to bonus episodes every week. And in fact, tonight we did a Google Hangout for people who donate at the $2 level. So if you donate at least $2 a month. That was fun. We should do that again, where we hang out with what we watch the show out. Yeah, what happens is we did a Google Hangout, we turned it on, and basically we just let it rip while we watch the Real House as a New York City. And what an episode. Oh my god, what a fun episode for the night. This show was so crazy. And it all started with Stupid Durinda again, crying for no reason, and Heather chasing her out. By the way, one of our Periscope viewers just said, "Ben keeps raising one of his eyebrows." Like, why is he doing that? It's all black eyebrow. Here's the reason why, because I can't help it. Apparently, I raise an eyebrow all the time. You do have a raised eyebrow? I don't even know, but I'll be talking again. So you're going to see my eyebrow go up. And it'll go down. That's how you act on days of our lives. It's involuntary. Whenever I lean, does that on Real House as it barely heals, I laugh, because that shit's contagious. Everybody on days of our lives is like, "But what do you mean you need a glass of water?" Don't, don't, don't. It's like this huge eyebrow lift. These comments on Periscope are very funny. Someone says, "I feel like a teenager here." And someone said, "They only got Periscope for this." I feel like a teenager here. This is one of those things. You're a cool mom, okay. You're a cool mom, because you have an app. I'm contemplating the Patreon subscription if y'all do cereal when it comes back. Well, guess what? We did cereal. Hell yeah, we'll be doing cereal. When cereal was on, our bonus episodes were often about cereal. I love a homely girl trying to fucking inmate through a radio show, y'all. I'm down. Yeah. Okay. Does that remember? I just can't imagine you throwing a girl in the back of the trunk. In a best buy. Tell me about it with your shirt off. Blink, blink, blink, blink. [laughter] We'll definitely be on cereal, too. We will do it as soon as it's back and many other things. Okay, so Real Housewives of New York. How did it start? I think Real Housewives of New York started with, "I don't want to hear left to get mad. It's Mr. Jackson." My children went to school at London. And Fred, nobody ever said the F-word did that for themselves. And nobody ever said it. Hashtag too much, Rose. Hashtag, drunk. Hashtag, cursing. Hashtag, fuck you. Hashtag, eat your macaroni in a choo-choo plane. Hashtag, you better go outside. Hashtag, I'll bet your dead mom's proud now. Hashtag, no phone in here for your dead dad to fix. SARS! What the hell, Heather? Jesus. Yeah. No, Heather was so condescending. You know, I mean, Torenta, she was drunk but she picked up on it. And she was like, "Yeah, real great." You know, that's so funny. That's real funny. That's real funny. We have a past chill. Our friendship is pure. Our friendship is pure. You better back the fuck up. I see you every day in the bricks. I look up to you, Heather. I look up to you. You look like a sister's name in the bookshop. When I see you, I look up to you. I see you in the books. You're on women in the brushes. And then you do me like that for the table. You start talking about the F word in France and baby in the seventh grade. I have no. So Heather does her patented move, which is to get up from the table. This is what Heather does. She's like, "Hashtag, fuck you. You know what? You're so fucking angry. You get so crazy." I was like, "Okay, mama, all right. Let's go." You know what? Let's walk out there. I was like, "Oh, okay. Now all of a sudden she's like, she goes from being on the attack and being aggro. And then all of a sudden when she realizes that she's caught someone to get mad, she immediately is like, "No, I'm the conciliator." I know she's like, "The baby's shit in his pants. I'm taking it to the family bath. It's like you are the shit in the pants, Heather. Okay? You can't be the shit and clean the butt at the same time. Okay? Shit doesn't clean butts, Heather. So then she goes. She takes Derinda. She'll be on a card. She takes Derinda out to the bathroom. And Derinda's like, "Hey, wait, wait. We hung out in the Berkshires." And I'm like, "I see. All the time in the Berkshires." It's like the magical Berkshires. I don't know if he's shining. And Ramona appears out of nowhere. She's like, "So many times it's still legal to throw past in your wife's face." Ramona appears and is like, "She's upset. You look upset Derinda. Are you okay, Heather?" Heather was like, "Come on, mamas. Let's go talk. Let's go outside. No, they're like, "Bexh is." She's like, "No, come on into this bathroom. Come into the staff bathroom." And Ramona's like, "You know what? You know what? I'm sorry. She needs a hug. Okay? You know what? She needs a hug. I know what she needs. You know what? She needs a hug. I've known Derinda for years. I've known her for 15 years. You've known her for six months. Okay? I'm going to give a hug. A hug with 15 years behind it. 15 years of a hug. 15 years of memories in this hug. Get out of the way. It's coming in. It's like sunshine. It's like sunshine. You can keep circling. But my ring of a hug is always going to be thicker because I've known her for longer. Tree rings don't lie. Yeah. It's like you and the other three. And I'm Earth. And Earth has a larger orbit around about Derinda. Okay. Here comes the hug. It's like sunshine. I love this analogy because it makes me think of sunshine in the middle of it. In the middle of it, it's like you better get out of this faster right now. Let me see. You get out of here now. I wonder who is not mommying anyone is like get out right now. Go to your room. If you don't want me taking that fish net bathing suit cover, catching a fish with it, starting it on fire and grinding you for a week, you will get out of this bathroom missing garden. I know how. She needs a break from you. This is what's cool. I need a head to break 15 years ago. She needed them. I didn't even know who that was. Now I know. Dike notes. So then they're like the best part is that like now Heather and Ramona are yelling and Derinda is like stuck pinned against them all at the moment, but she's like looks like a bird. She's like the Blair Witch project. She's like in the corner. I'm not allowed to show her fate. And she's trying to leave and Heather's like no, you are staying here a month. I know. So then finally Heather and Heather and Derinda finally got some and Heather's like, I love you so much. No, she goes. I'm so sorry that you got so upset, which is like so condescending. I'm so sorry you got upset at your own drunken behavior. I'm so sorry you had that third martini and became a sloppy mess and couldn't understand what I was saying like a normal human being. I'm so sorry that you're like that Derinda. One time when my niece was a little baby, she was like three I guess and they're all awful at three, you know, and she was we were at Disneyland and she was sobbing and her dad is like a new age parent like Heather, like let's talk about that honey. And he was like, Cadence, you need to stop crying honey. I mean, I understand what you're feeling and she said, no, you don't. He said, okay, explain to me. Why are you crying? And she went. I don't know. He said, well, why don't you stop and she said, I forgot what I was crying and I can't stop. That's so this episode Derinda, she's like, wait a minute. What am I doing? Get the master room. I'd never get off that hump in the floor when I'm the Roomba, get me out of here. So then they finally go back into the into the bar. I'm surprised at the way. And the way I'm already losing her ship because they're like, Sonia's like, Lou, Lou, it was you got her all riled up, Lou, and the way I was like, me, I didn't get her. What an idea. I didn't even go to the city. I'm sorry. I'm sitting here. Oh my God. I'm sorry. I ordered appetizers. Ooh. I'm sorry. I have a modicum of class. I'm sorry. I'm the only one here who has a line of paper plates. I'm sorry. I don't fucking like the F word. Did you say that? Yeah. That's what she was doing. She was like, she's like, well, you know, I don't want my daughter going to Europe and stop in the F bomb. The N word's fine when she's drunk in a bush. I mean, that's fine. We'll let it go. Opposing Newton a gallery. I mean, that's fine. It's art darling. But fuck the F word darling. I mean, that is trash. All right. Trash. I'm not raising a C word. Where is our food? We are having dinner. We are having dinner time. It is dinner time. It is dinner time. It is dinner time. Who goes to the bathroom during dinner? This is not the Plaza Hotel. This is Turks and Caicos. These are not eggs. These are eggs. I love Frostmull. I made you eggs. Oh, that's why. That's why. I mean, so anyway, so then Heather and Dorinda come back and then you guys are so funny. It's so hard not reading these periscope comments because I come back. I know. It's so funny. Okay, go ahead. I know. I will steal them as we go along. Yeah. Yeah. So what was so funny and by the way, periscope people, you may need to remind us of things if we miss them. It was just a lot of yelling, fuck, and everybody was a victim. Everybody said they have been victimized. But it was so passive aggressive because like Ramon was like, whoa, Heather, whoa, you were about to punch me in the face and I was like, I know, I really wanted you to. And you were like, Jesus, you passed aggressive bitch. Calm yourself down. You're so nasty. She's really nasty. Don't use the F word. Just have sex with strangers. That's what someone says. Yeah, totally. The Wants find with fucking, she's just not fun with saying the F word. So it's like F me, daddy, F me, whatever your name is, whoever you are, whoever Ramona brought home. Yeah. It stands for fun. Can I just call you Francois? Yeah, Francois. I've been saying it all week. Exhala, fuck. So then I just had some exhala Francois, I got him on the bed. Sorry. Christian is on. Real house. I was in New York as much as Becky and Jackie are on big brother 17. So that was a, if we ever have an answer, like whatever, just know it's coming from periscope. So, so anyway, so then I think more or less we transition to the next morning and I think we may even hear. No one remembers anything. We see some ribbons on the floor. We see some shit everywhere and all of a sudden it's like dramatic music and Heather's like, what? Huh? Huh? And then you see like Heather like running around in her robe. You know Heather, it's a total asshole and everybody on the, everybody who works on the show. I'm not even talking about the housewives. I'm talking about thinking. I'm not talking about the housewives, I'm talking about production. They hate her ass and you know because no one's ever shooting Heather. Heather has shown up at like, she's up at like five in the morning and she's always showing up everywhere first and the camera crew's not even ready yet. You're like, oh, it's just Heather. We don't need to shoot. Wait until Luang gets here. Just, just wait. And then suddenly we cut into the middle of these scenes and Heather's running around screaming calling someone a bitch in a foyer or something. Well, Heather's big issue was she's like, Razzie wake up. She's like, I just woke up. And she's like, you know, I wake up, you know, I sleep in the nude. Okay. First of all, if anyone should be felt sorry for it's the guy having to see her walk around nude. No one needs to see that. Yeah. There's PAs working there. Shooting you. But your clothes on. Yeah. I mean, seriously, you're on a TV show and you're sitting in the nude. You know, she got a bush like a fucking. What did, what's the kind of bush that you think God burns for mother fell into the burning bush. Burning Bush. No. Giant. So I'm saying. Giant talking bus. Like those. But condescending. Like, when you go to have sex with it, it goes, Hey, mama, come on in. Heather was the burning bush from God. She'd be like, Moses, why aren't you killing your son? If you'd love me, you'd kill your son? What the hell? No murder. Okay. That'll show my murder. You're not getting your mac and cheese. If you steal something, Moses. Get out of Egypt right now. Right now. You got chicken fingers. You will get out of Egypt right now. Get out of Egypt right now. Stop dropping the pH bomb, Pharaoh. So, so anyway, so her issue is she woke up and she saw a naked man in what was formerly Bethany's room, but since she sleeps in the nude, she had walked in there, basically naked. She was like still trailing her robe. So I will allow that I'm sure it was like startling and embarrassing, and she's probably holy God. What the fuck? How do you think the PA fell? Who had a look at your burning bush? Bitch, put that shit away. So she starts going, there was a naked man. She's like, Carol. She's like, Carol, there was a naked man and I sleep in the office nude and I saw him and then he was naked too. And then I put him in my room and I went downstairs and he was downstairs. But she's crying. She's like, well, Carol. Carol, there's a naked man, I walked in there because I was naked and I walked in and then he rolled over and he was naked. I agree with Duskborn on Periscope who said I would have been annoyed, not hysterical. I mean, she was, I mean, she was really acting like a little girl in the situation. She was acting crazy. Because, yeah, so she was, she was crazy. She was like getting herself all into a tizzy, getting tired, then, so then they go downstairs. I mean, Carol, you know, we just watched like a two second clip of Watch What Happens Live and Andy's talking to Carol and Heather tonight and he's like, well, you know, Bertha from Briscoe County wants to know why Carol has her head up, Heather's ass. And Heather's like, oh, people say that it's silly. Sometimes my head's up, her ass, sometimes her head's up. It's called being friends. No, it's not. Carol would never act like that. Carol's fucking a kindergartener. You honestly think she cares that anybody's getting deck on vacation? Yeah. I think that Carol was kind of like, not coerced, but I think that like Heather's hysterical behavior, kind of like Rob, Carol's like, who would do that? Carol's been only the one who would make it men who would be naked in a house that's disgusting. This is wrong. Yeah, I don't, I don't even think that Carol would normally care. So then they're, they're both in a tizzy now. They're both worked up and they go downstairs and they see Dorinda wearing her like 1978 bathing suit. Dorinda's like lumbering around and she's like, well, I don't have my contacts in. And she's so skinny too, by the way, she's not lumbering because she's fat. She's just like lumbering because she's gay. She's still drunk from the night before. Yeah. Dorinda looked like she just. It's so hard to ruba stairs. Dorinda looked like she had just gone twirling around for 20 seconds. That was a lot. Room's spinning. How come you two could get a ticket here in five seconds? But I've been asking for a ramp to get down these stairs for a week and nothing. So then Ramona, so then they're like basically like Ramona, like it's, it was like, she's like, go check on Ramona. Ramona was one who brought these guys back. So they go in and, and they walk in and Heather's like, hey, singer. Oh no. Actually, that was the way I said same. She's like, hey, Ramona, like what's up with the guys that had a Ramona? Oh no. She walked in there, wake up, rip open the curtains, wake up, rip up the curtain. How dare you? There was a man. He was naked in the house in my room. Like suddenly now it's in her room. She's changed this from the adjoining room with the door that was closed to suddenly her vagina. I guess she's any, any room that Heather's vagina and she owns. Okay. Yeah. She's like, he was in my room. He was suddenly in my room. Do you know how violated I was? Yeah. Do you know how almost raped if he might have been awake and attracted to me at all? I could have been. I could have been. I could have been victimized. Yeah. Yeah. They were talking about and also like, uh, Carol, oh, this is Tom frayed or torn frayed on Periscope. Periscope. They're like, Carol's like, my jewels, my jewels were out. Like first of all, take your pants out of here. I know. It's like the baseball diamond from the muppet, great muppet caper. Like they brought it out like, like, oh, no. So, uh, so then like Heather is fully scolding, fully scolding remote. Her mom is like lying there in bed and she's like, I don't know, like, talk to Lou, talk to Lou. I'm just saving that, that car's toy for, for the hunting farmer when he came home. That could have been stolen. My bush pop. So, uh, so then, so then they're like, okay, next stop is Lou Anne. So they go marching. That's like, oh, yeah, because what is Ramona do you see? Go ask Lou Anne. Ramona's like, you know what? I was tired. So, you know what? I just punted it to the wind. The old me would have jumped out of bed and have a fight with you, but it's the new me. And so there's nobody next to me because I'm in a cold bed. So I'm making up in a cold bed and I hear this voice. So you know what I say? Press month for English. That's it. Go to what? I'm done. I said, you know what? There's too much sunshine in my bedroom right now. I love sunshine, but there's too much in my bedroom, okay? Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just don't like this sunshine. Reminds me of my little girl. I would go outside and it was cloudy. I knew it would be a good day because then I knew my dad would be passed out somewhere. If it was sunny that meant he'd be day drinking and he'd be abusive and he'd call up Geraldine Parsons Smith and they'd go push, play monkey in the middle with me and I could never get the ball and it was always a terrible day. You know what I don't like? I don't like being woken up because one time when I was a little girl the alarm went off and my mom didn't hear it because she had an ear infection and my father came in with a plate of spaghetti and he dumped it on her head and he said, wake up, you dumb bitch. I can't eat spaghetti and every time an alarm goes off I put myself, that's it. I'm saying it bad. Talk to the wind. The only good part about that story is that the plate that the spaghetti was on was yellow and it reminded me of sunshine. And so I remember about my father's day drinking and then I tried to cut my off throat with the sunshine plate. I'm so confused. One time I was like, okay, I figured this out, Ramona, this is what you do. You bring a little crate. At this time when they play monkey in the middle with you on the crate you catch the ball but you know what I got on the crate there's you the ball higher. You know what? I can't win. I'm sorry. I hate a sunny day but I love sunshine. Sorry. Sorry you take a last day. You know what? Stick a last day. Well you know what? You know what I always wanted to say. Luann has always wanted to drop and finally she's an almost raped counselor. Go talk to Luann. So they walk in. Luann is lying. Hello, this is Luann. Have you possibly almost been raped? Maybe. Could have been. Did a bus boy look at you funny? Call me. Yeah. So Luann is like lying in bed and she's like, I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I don't know. There's still pacing back and forth like 67 toothpicks. 67 toothpicks. And when I was like, what are you doing in here out of here? So then finally they go back to the kitchen or whatever and Luann, Luann comes down looking like a bat. She has her robe open. She's in like her bra or a bit. Girl, you know you have some self confidence if you'll wear horizontal stripes over your vagina at that age. And it wasn't even like she was trying to look at it. She was just like fully like she just like let you got off a horse and she's like, she probably did. And she gets right up. She was David and she gets right or John and she gets whatever. I love her. I love her. She gets right up in Heather's face and she does this thing. She goes, oh, you're going to cry now because I'm mad. You're going to come down here and cry because I'm mad. Oh, I thought you were cool, Heather. Whatever gave you that impression and she's like, Heather is like they're ever cool because she said mamas and get back up on the curb occasionally. No. Well, later in the episode, Heather did say goodbye, Felicia. Goodbye Felicia. Goodbye Felicia. Sincerely, Heather. It's dinner time, okay? No, but what I loved is that. So then she's like, what, I mean, she's like, it's just a guy and Heather's like, well, you wouldn't be alarmed if you woke up and there was a naked man in the house. And everyone's like, not really. So then Luann, and after the commercial break, Luann is like doing this, I thought you were cool. Don't be all, she's like, don't be uncool. I thought you were on the cool one. I mean, whatever. She's a guy, whatever. Don't be cool. Don't be all uncool, whatever. And she just gets just furious. And the poor chef, it's like, he's seen the rest of the season. He's just sitting there holding his knives like, don't anybody try to fuck me. I swear to God, I'll cut it off right now. She's like, we'll make eggs out of it. They do it in France like that occasional. So then Luann's like, where's the singer? Where's the singer? How'd people steal that? How'd people steal that? She's like, where's the singer's singer? So she walks in there. She's like, oh, it's crazy. And I was like, it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. I don't know. Why would they go to your room? Who would do that? That's stupid. There's sunshine in here. It's ridiculous. Then Luann comes out and she's like, she has this looking at her and it's like, whatever. She's just mad. And it's just like, it's like, it's just never ending from Heather. And Luann is- Heather was just going crazier and crazier. This is the first time we've seen Heather get that crazy, right? Well, no, she's gotten crazy before. This is the first time she was in hysterics, I think. Oh, that shit was so good. So then, but then Kristin, she's like, guess what, guys? I just got an earful from Alistair. That was bad. She's like, apparently, Alistair the house man was trying, was not going to let these guys come into the house last night. But then the women insisted that they come in and Luann's like, well, yeah, of course. Of course. And she's like, and Kristin's like, and apparently there was a lot of making out on the porch and Luann's like, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that part. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I remember that. And Kristin's like- I still taste like a thin man. I've been fantastic. Wonderful. And then Kristin goes, and Kristin goes, and apparently Luann, the one you were making out with was married. And then I was like, well, I mean, Luann's face is worth so funny because that bitch was still drunk, too. She was drunk. And she's like- She's like- Do I get mad at her? Do I own this? Do I be the countess? Is it dinner time? Or is it dinner? It's dinner. Listen, at least this one's not stealing from other boats on the sea. All right. What do you want from me? Yeah. Real classy, Luann, real classy, married with like fooling around with a married man. Well, guess what? That's on the married man's part. That's not on Luann. So get off. And Heather's such an asshole. She's like, yeah, yeah, Luann. You were sleeping with a married man. You know what? That's also an cool. Still HB has a very good point on Periscope, which is that you'd think by now, Bravo would have cameras going 24/7. I mean, after St. John's when Luann brought back Johnny Depp, I mean, I agree there should be hidden cameras all over this place. Yeah. David? David? They should just have MJ from Shaza Sunset hiding behind pillars everywhere. Everybody will be like, is that a muffin top behind that column? No, darling. We're in Turks and Caicos. There's not fat people here. Just ignore it. And then the next scene, you know, it's like Luann blowing some guy in a hotel hallway, you know? MJ, the new murder she wrote. So then the new GG, she tried to fuck. So then after all this disaster, finally the women go back, murder she tried to fuck. I don't know. I can't make that work. Sorry. We're going to edit that out. All right. Thank you. Everyone's so nice to us on Periscope. Don't read it. Don't compliment me. By the way, I should also mention that Periscope, it stays up for like a day. Yeah. So if you're missing it now, live, you can just go watch it. Too bad. You all can lead it tomorrow. I want to look at myself and worry about my double chance. Bye. Yeah. We went to, uh, we went to Mexican right before this, and you're not allowed to complain about being fat when you really had a really fat, greasy, chilli, rieno, chocolate enchilada wrapped in a flour tortilla with chips and sour cream on top. That's right. Sucking mother. It's true. I'm going to see my mom tomorrow. It's such mommy issues. We almost went, we actually almost had dinner at the Sunset Grill. And then, um, oh, you guys, we went to the Sunset Grill because we were like, oh my God. It's, uh, yes. I'm sober. How dare you tell me. We're like, it's watch what crappins, you know, field trip day because we're together all day. Let's go to, let's go somewhere where those guys go. And so we went to that Sunset Grill where Jack's takes his dates. Yeah. That place serves spaghetti, bolognese, hamburgers, pad thai, they'll sell you a fucking goat on a spit. They'll like Chinese food. The burgers? I don't care. The burgers were $5. No wonder why Jack's to Carmen there. Yeah. Poor Carmen. Oh, poor Carmen. So anyway, so after, are you hot? Do you want me to turn on the air conditioning? No. Could you take off my skin suit and hang it on the back of it? I'm always hot. It's 77 degrees and you're running. It's hot then. Actually, do you have central air, don't you? I'm going to turn it on. Come on. Who has central air and then sit to the heat? It was ridiculous. Yeah. Well, I thought the air conditioning was awesome. It's called fat shaming. We did it. We put the air conditioning on. Okay. Christian, Christian got Botox on Periscope today. Seriously. Perilized. My face is paralyzed. There's going to be so annoying to listen to. Okay. So anyway, so the women go back to New York and then we have our post game. Oh, is that how it ended? That's so sad. I wish there was more in the trip. I love the trip. Well, no, but the second half of the episode was crazy too. Okay, because they had that stupid Christian party. So what happened? Christian had to remember when somebody sweat on me party and everybody had to come be dazzle fake jewels to shit. Well, so the first thing that happened was that like the first thing was that like the two Bethany met up with Derinda and was it Luan or was it a remote? Carol. Carol. It's always Carol with Bethany. Yeah. Because Bethany is, Bethany is like Vicki where she secretly hates all people younger than her. Yeah. So she's like, Oh, look, it's an old person. Cut it with me. I'm not sleeping. Look, I'm awake. It's Carol. Carol's here. Somewhere on Periscope. So when Periscope said that Heather turned whiter as the episode went on, it's like, was she ever less white? It's like a saltine losing all the toast spots. Like, who's been tapping the saltine, damn it. So anyway, you were saying about it. Yeah. So that was the second. Oh, yeah. Carol's like, Hi, thanks for meeting me at Luby's. Bethany is like, I mean, I don't care what is this place is boring, man. I'm exhausted. I need a wall around my menu. She's like, you won't believe the fight. Somebody cussed and then somebody got dick. And then she was acting so cool about it. She's like, what a big deal. Somebody got fucked in the thing. He's like, so what? Yeah. So I got dick. All right. So fine. So then fine. It's the first time there's been a dick in my bed in 20 years. So good for you. I think that at certain point, Bethany was like, yeah, that's where they just described it. Bethany's like, no, it would have been one thing if there was like a man and if there's a woman in the bed with him, whatever, but yeah, that's, you know, that's not cool, which I mean, that's true. It was like, not cool, but it also, it was not something like to like get out the torches and to like, you know, go crazy in the house, the sterics and crying and tears. Jesus. What do you want? You know, you're not doing it on the street or in a school yard. Well. Who cares? Yeah. So then Bethany then raised her issue, which is she's like, you know what, Chris has been talking about it. Anybody drink skinny girl? Did anybody move skinny girl off the counter? Because there was skinny girl the whole time. It's like that was the second character. They're like, who are the guys you fucked in the land? It's like skinny girl. It's skinny girl. It's skinny girl. No one's drinking. It's skinny girl vitamins darling. So then. Sorry. No, no, it's fine. I think it was like, uh, she was like, you know, Chris has been talking about me in the media. She's talking about me. She's talking about me in the media. I'm like, oh yeah. Bethany. She's like, I don't like she's talking about me like that in the media. I mean, I sold on Instagram while she was like, because a Christian basis. But then they showed her magazine or whatever. Yeah. Well, then, but Kristen said something to the effect of like, yeah, I'd heard some things about her, but don't judge a book by its cover, which was. That's not mean. I don't think that there's, there's nothing mean there. It's not like she met her and then went on and was like, well, I've been sweating. Went on and Bethany, Bethany is a seaward. And that's it. Bethany took it as, oh my God, I'm not as hot as my logo. Oh my God. I can't believe she'd say that about me. First of all, isn't she black in her logo? Yeah. Where does that switch the bitch? There's one. It's the same logo, basically. It's some, it's some matte clip art. No, I love it. It's some matte clip art, you know, from like 1985. Lift the bitch. It's like the bitches, like the stealing the skinny girl and an Omarosa title. Lift the bitch. No, that is called skinny girl. It's called thin woman. Okay? Thin woman. I want it on all of these. I'm going to have a winter party. I want everything white and thin girls. I just want thin girls. Thin girls. Thin girls. Wait, there's a cookie called thin mint. Well, that's totally different. No. Freaking out. I'm skimming out. Skimming out. Skimming out. Skimming. Peppermint. Salt mint. All right. I'm going to have a salt mint. I have to turn my beeper off. Getting text messages. Romantic. Next thing you do, it's like he's in Austin right now. That's 1240 in Austin, girl. Girl, he's going to-- Someone whose name rhymes with Famineek has a rhymes with a loner starts with a me. Better get in there, don't you? I'm still monoling. I'm just going to go back into the bathroom right now because I don't-- I'll just have-- I'll just make Lisa Vanderpump do the rest of New York. Darling, here's what we do. Okay. So if we can take-- we're going to take some tuna tata. We're going to package it into UPS. Send it five-day delivery to Austin, Texas. Give it to your boyfriend. He'll never forget you. And it'll smell just like when Mona's room did when she was done with that bus, boys. I think. Okay. So where are we? All right. So then-- Okay. So there's so much of Bethany. Bethany's like, what? What's the big deal? Who cares? What? So what? Who cares? What? What? What? And then who else would have Derinda did? Derinda. Derinda was like, oh Derinda. Remember when you got crazy? Derinda's like, no. What are you talking about? We had a fun time. Remember when you went nuts? She's like, no. Nope. Nope. Don't remember that. So then I don't-- When Bethany's looking at you like this, you know you're in trouble because that bitch cray. Yeah. Okay. That bitch cried at her own birthday party in the bathroom with like a hundred people looking. Yeah. So then after that, people of Periscope help us. Well, what happened next? It's a little hard for people-- This was the party where stupid Christians like, you know what? This, by the way, I can never do it on the audio podcast because this is how Christian talks. She's like, her teeth are always out. She's like, she talks with her fort, her front teeth. If there was ever an accent based on Kristin, you would have to have your tongue up to your nose. Yeah. Well, so we don't really remember. Okay. Then Bethany did a straight up perfect Doritos in person. Yeah. Bethany did. So we did it since we were doing our hangout during the show. Some of the things were a little foggy for us because we started talking. No notes. It's all from memories. No work. Well, we could just skip forward to Kristin was in a box on the table waiting to be open. Kristin, yeah. She's like, guys, I'm going to have a party and the location. When you see it on the E-Vy, it's going to be a little confusing because the location is outside a box because I want you all to be outside the box with me. So I'm bringing a glue gun. Okay, this is going to be a party about glue gunning fake jewels to things. So please bring an ice pick, a glue gun, and jeans to glue things to. Okay. What the fuck kind of hosts this, are you? What? You're going to pull some dollar store Christmas gold shit on, put it on your neck, and that's going to be your outfit. What are you doing? The backstory, I think, is that Kristin decided that she wanted to have a fundraiser for kids who have, like, cleft palate things. Cleft palate. A model. A model with a perfect fucking smile doing charity for cleft palate children. That is just not right. Admit it. Admit it. Okay? Pick up pretty person charity. You know? Pretty people suffer from things. Look at the cleft palate. How are the kids next to me? Yeah, she's maybe it's because they do this, and that's kind of how she's kind of like her smile on that. Either way, her plan was to do a denim and diamonds fundraiser, and in anticipation of that, they were going to take a bunch of yummy jeans, which for some reason were available over a bike charity. Over a hundred years ago. This is for dentistry for the children with missing legs and over bites. Someone on Periscope says Kristin and Bethany can't be together because Kristin is outside of boxes, but B has no walls. I'm sorry. I hope I write that. So yeah. So she's having this denim and diamonds party. And so she's fucking terrible. She tells her to bring an ice pick, an ice pick, and a glue gun. It's not like a murder mystery to me, or basic instinct. So does anybody have an ice pick, and Ramon is like, no, I left it on the bed, and the turkeys and the cuckoos, because you scared me, you scared me, you scared me, you have to death. I had the ice pick there, ready to kill him. When he found out I was the killer, what you never did? Go on, ice pick, go on, forget it. I'm looking ice, not like a crazy person. You know what? I think so. Okay. You know what? Someone stole the ice pick. I was the naked man. You should have been worried. He stole an ice pick. That was Cal's bejeweled ice pick. Seriously. He's like, what if he stole the ice pick, man? He could have been staring at us, he could have been staring at us. There's a beautiful ocean to look at instead. What if we were stuck here on vacation without ice that was picked? What if he stole my bejeweled ice pick, and we just had a giant block? That means I have nothing to do, but ice lose is, oh no, my 25 year old kid that I'm not fucking, but I'm in a meaningful relationship with loves and ice lures. They do it all the time in Nicaragua. It was funny. So anyway, so anyway, there's this, they basically go to this apartment and this lovely old gay man, and they, they're gluing jewels, they're bejeweling Carol's leftover stock, which I'm surprised it's not that there's a cement that's not sold, sold on the show. I'm shocked. Especially when you're selling skinny, like you're selling spanks for skinny people. That makes no sense. Those jeans were all this pink. You know who wears spanks? Me. Okay. You think I'm going to fit into that? My pinkie fits into that. What the fuck? You don't know your market. First of all, you stole spanks. Admit it, Heather. It's stolen. That's not your idea. Second of all, you spelled the yummy wrong. Third of all, there's already a company called yummy. You know what they do? They deliver food to people who were too fat and embarrassed to leave their house to get food. What the fuck kind of monster are you, Heather? That's my question. It's true. It's true. So, it's called Snickers. Let's find a fat, let's find a girdle only for thin people and call it Snickers. Fuck you, Heather Thompson. So, anyway, what happens is that-- Forbin. Jill. It's okay. Jill? No, it's funny because I actually get to see what you look like when you're struggling trying to figure out what to say because I can see you in the periscope. You're like, oh, damn. No, I'm just like-- I'm just like-- Like, that reminds me of the time I went bowling. And I'll pass out. When I was 10. I'm loving these. Aww. I just nod and I wait for the gap and I'm like, so anyway-- and I usually have to do about three times and then we get going. Sorry. No, no, no. Listen, you don't want to apologize. I mean, I was-- It's because we're talking remotely too sorry. I was the one who was pushing the Julia Roberts joke on our earlier podcast for like 10 minutes a day. I was like, wait. Here's another Julia Roberts reference. He's like, you were wrapping it up. I was like, hey, it reminds me of the Julia Roberts Ocean 11. So anyway, but my paying look is also me trying to remember even what I was seeing. So the crafting, they're crafting-- Oh, god, that crafting thing. They're gluing-- They're gluing like feathers. There's no crafts at this thing, okay? There's fake diamonds that are already in shapes and a few colored feathers. That's it. That's how there was. And then terrible, ugly, overstocked, skinny people jeans spelled wrong, okay? And Kristin's like, she like puts a star. And then Kristin, you can tell bitches never been on the subway because she puts diamond stars on the butt. How are you supposed to sit down like that? You're one of her idiots, honestly. Just watching someone craft. You learn a lot about that. So they're crafting in silence because when Bethany got-- you know, Bethany's pissed at Kristin for what she said. So when Bethany's pissed, the way she walks into a space like this, hi, hi, hi. She's like-- Yeah, this is-- She doesn't want to-- She's like, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. She doesn't say where she's a little bit quick, hi, then she looks away. She's always like looking where she can put her jacket, she goes, hi, hi. And she's like, yeah, she walks straight to a corner and starts talking like an employee or someone that she can talk down to with slapping her in the face. So then they start crafting and they're crafting in silence because they are also angry because Kristin at this point Kristin knows that Bethany's mad at her and Bethany is mad at Kristin and they're crafting and then Bethany's like, hey, do me a favor? Do me a favor? Don't talk about me in the press, okay? Just don't do it, okay? My walls are up, okay? Walls are up, up, up. If you don't want to find yourself, if you don't want to find yourself on the cover of Cluff Palette Magazine for this charity, you won't talk about me in the public again. And Kristin's like, Kristin, who I'm imagining, you get a word out edge-wise from the golden pinecone she's been on her collar, she's like, I would nod, but I would start bleeding from the neck and I would die. I have put giant burrs on my neck and it's from this movie Saw and if I talk, they're going to puncture my throat. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sweating on. So then Kristin, and Bethany is like, if you want to be in the public, who are you all bar them out? Like, what do you have some like, a secret seagull loss? Get out of here. Yeah. Bethany was like, if you want to be my, there's not the way you want to be my friend. And then Kristin's like, who said I want to be your friend? Which by the way, good for her, I think, for setting it up. Except that you said it like 20 times the season. Exactly, but she's pretty. Also, you know what else I'd like to point out? Of course you judge a book by its cover. Yeah. Of course you do. Why do you think Oprah books sell a lot? Because there's a big O on them and some decent artwork. If you don't want to be judged by our cover, then why do you have a skinny girl brand? Otherwise, everyone will just be fat ass. Yeah. If you don't want to be judged by your cover, why don't you put a fat black person on it? Instead of your skinny fake black ass, Bethany, I have to see if skinny girl love those black. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Emmy Romana says, I was waiting for Bethany to iron on a skinny girl patch. Totally. She's like, you know what children with klept palate needs? Skinny girls. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. They're margaritas. Telling you. Skinny off and margaritas. So anyway, so then they start fighting and they're, and Kristen's like, I meant it as a comment, which is that I had heard bad things about you and I discovered that you're pretty cool. I was like, but you're adding fuel to the fire, adding fuel to the fire. You know the fire? People ask you if you've met me and you say yes. I mean, you know what that is? That's porn gasoline on the fire. You know when we go camping, you know what we do? We say, we've met Bethany. The fire start. What are you talking about? What have a one thing that fires the other? You know what fires do? They burn down walls and I want my wall up, all my wall up, but you know, but the thing is that like Bethany, you know what, the biggest contributor. The biggest contributor. If there's smoke about this Bethany, it's probably because you are a very public person and people see what your personality is and they can see that you are kind of like all angles and tough. So if you want to change that, don't go after Kristen for saying, oh, well, it turns out she wasn't so bad. If you don't want people calling you an asshole, don't be an asshole, okay? Why is it okay for you to go on TV and call everybody an asshole and call her stupid behind her back? Bethany, get over yourself, really. Yeah. Although I do like you now. Back on TV. No, I do. No, I'm actually, I'm totally pro Bethany this is. I think like I've said, but many times, beginning of the season, she was a little not great, but now she's, I think, gotten into classic Bethany mode. I'm down with Bethany again, but then she, yeah, but then she took Kristen out to the balcony and they talked it out some more and she's like, I just have my wall up. I just have my wall. I just did a Ramona voice. It's hard to not do them. I don't really do a Bethany because it always turns into Ramona. Well, by the way, because in during this time Bethany, I mean Ramona has showed up. It's okay. You can molyber. I understand. I'll have Molly. Molly. So God bless you, Mexico. I think Ramona had shown up when the yummy jeans and then Heather's like, I don't like, I don't know what I think I like more. The fact that Ramona's ass is in my jeans or that she's kissing my ass, I'm like, shut up. No one kissed your ass, stupid. Yeah, I can't believe someone was kissing her ass. Like that's such a violation that took off her clothes to kiss her ass. That's rude. Who did that? There was a naked person in the same room with me, saying my pants were in there too. There was a naked person in my pants. I just discovered that all these naked people are wearing my pants. We're underwear. Who doesn't wear underwear with their yummies? Stupid Heather. Underneath those. But yummies are naked. They're naked under there. This fight turns so fucking stupid. I was laughing hard because I could not even follow what the hell these people were talking about because you've got Bethany like, I don't want you telling anybody that you've ever met me. And Kristen's like, uh-huh. But when they say like, have you met Bethany, you're on the same show. What should I say? Say you don't know her. That's it. That's what you're saying. That's what you're saying. You don't know it. That's what you're saying. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. So we think at this point, we think, oh, there's the major fight. But little did we realize that in the three days, three or four days since they've gotten back from Torxie Caco's, Luanne has become incensed that Heather had come barging into her. Oh, I'm not pissed. I'm leaving. Yeah. So Luanne walks into the square. I heard a song about it. I'm so mad. I'm going to rise to the top of the iTunes charts and show all of you. Luanne, when she gets mad, she sort of throws her shoulders back and forth and she's like, who am I going to direct my rage at first? I mean, I don't know. I don't know. We have to go to the couch. We have to go. I have to talk to you either. Right now, Heather. Right now. They go back there. I'm hoping you're not mad at me, mama. Hey, mama. Hey, mama. Hey, mama. I'm hoping you're not mad. I'm not mad. I'm livid and livid. Who do you think you are? To comment to my room. Barge into my room. You know how disrespectful that was? You've victimized me in my own room. Yeah. Like, why is everybody so victimized? And, you know, as much as Heather was crazy before, and I love Luanne, and this should have been no more than an annoyance, but like, you know what? By the way, that was really uncool when you came into my room. She still hates Heather for trying, for telling everybody she tried to get a free dress from someone who made something for Obama once. Yeah. That bitch don't let anything. That wasn't Heather who did that. No, Carol. Oh, Carol. I always get them confused, sorry. Yeah. And then she's like, and then Heather's like, no, Carol, that is like, we don't need to alcohol. I'll call Carol. I won't call Carol. Yeah. And then she's like, Carol even called me to apologize for your behavior. And she's like, mama never said that to me, but goodbye, Felicia. And I said, bring Carol. And I was like, nah, you misunderstood everything. I didn't say that. And then Luanne's like, bring in Ramon. I was like, bring in mayor de Blasio. You know what? I want a line of cops. I want a line of cops coming in when people come in here to glue jewels to things. And I want the cops to face away from Heather all at the same time, because that's the kind of abuse that we're protesting today. It was just funny because she was not angry about the fact that they accused her of a man. She was angry that they barged in and violated her privacy, which is the last thing. And she actually said it at one point, and Heather was like, that is not what we tried to do. But it was. Luanne was like, here you are. It's the early morning, basically the way I was like, listen, you know what? Fuck some bus boy. You know, I had a for some with a stinger, okay, on these horrible Ikea sheets. It's five in the morning. You barged into my room with a camera crew to try and catch me doing something wrong. Well, sorry you didn't catch me. And Heather's like, ah, ah, that's not what we were doing, mama's bitch. Yes, it is. That's why you waited for a camera crew to follow you in there. Bitch, you think we stupid, we've been watching this stuff. I watch cops. Yeah. And then cops do. They're like, wait until the camera crit. So then Heather, I had an old lady fucking. So then Heather drags, uh, drags Derinda into it. She's like, you know what, Luanne, you've had someone riling you up and it was Derinda. Derinda was on the phone. The end, Derinda's like, wow, wow. And then Sony is the one who's like, back the fuck up at this point. Even Sony's baby. But I'm doing that. Yeah. She's like, you better watch it, mister. I'm going to shove your balls down your throat. Ha ha ha ha. I got guys. Derinda's like, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know who you're imitating. So then. Meanwhile, Derinda's just bumping her head against the leader and while trying to wave to the room, but it turned around so she can finish up the damn carpet. Like, why do I keep hitting the same wall? I don't understand what's happening. She's like, don't bring me into it, mister Jatson. She's like, she's like, I want, I want more teaching less preaching. Cool. So then, but then Heather then starts getting so condescending. She's like, you know what, Luanne, we had to squash this because I don't want to drag her into it. You know, I don't want to bring her, you know, because then it becomes crazy because then she loses her mind. It's like Derinda's like, right there. It's like, I mean, Derinda's correct. We all know Derinda's insane, right? Derinda's like, why is she at the widow, right? She has a fat boyfriend. She's really crazy. She did kind of say something like that, didn't she? She was like, well, you know, Derinda's having a rough time because, you know, I mean, how would you feel having to wake up next to 500 pounds of stretch marks every day and pick all that hair out of your shower. And a daughter with a mouth of a sailor. I mean, oh, she's embarrassing. Wow. Her mother was so ashamed of her. No wonder she's getting so drunk and yelling the F word and restaurants in foreign places. God bless her. Let's get her some help. Great, mama. So then Heather, Heather and Luanne, just do this maze on the back of the captain crunch box. You feel better, okay? And at this point, I think Derinda actually just stormed out of the crafting session. And then, um, and then Heather and Luanne had this, really my daughter to see me doing some glue gutting things in the middle of France when she's in the seventh grade. Who says that? Fuck you guys. And then, um, and then Luanne and Heather have this totally insincere hug, which is on the heels of Heather being like, you know what, Luanne? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I came into your room. I'm sorry. I fucking woke you up. And the man's like, don't sit like that. They're like, then they hug and it's like, I don't want you to say you're sorry like that. 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For Hers.com/crapins, hers weight loss is not available everywhere, compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness or quality, prescription required restrictions apply. We know you're listening because you can't get enough drama, but there are some things that should stay drama free. Like getting birth control, accessing gender affirming care, getting tested for STIs. Health care shouldn't be dramatic, but lawmakers insist on attacking our rights to get the care we need and deserve. Your gift to Planned Parenthood helps all people no matter their race, sexual orientation, gender identity, zip code, income or immigration status get affordable, high quality care without judgment, stigma or drama. So don't wait, make your gift now at Planned Parenthood dot org slash protect. I'm really, really sorry that I messed with your snatch. All right. Then I bought a little girl code, which is the name of my new song, which is based on what you don't know. I love when she said girl code. She's like, that is not girl code. I was like, you really wrote a whole song about somebody barging into your room because you know that's what girl code is. She's like, girls, do you go and do each other's room at five in the morning? No. It's not girl code. No. So I think that's more or less where that offended. That was so funny. That was so good. That was sad when I did. Let's move on to some trash. So let's go from Manhattan. Let's get on. Let's get on to go over the tribe borough bridge, go through Queens and make our way to Long Island. Long Island. And then we'll show we do things different here. Some people use suntan lotion. Some people wait for the sun to burn them. Then start the skin starts ripping off and you start seeing the price tag of the implant thundering. How we do it? Cool. I'm just surprised we found these ladies because I, the GPS sucks. Okay. Yeah. And then I discovered I was going the wrong way it sucks. I asked the GPS if my husband was having sex with somebody on his iPhone and it took me to Denny's. What does that mean? Fucking GPS. Secrets on wives. I know not everybody watches this because they ain't even putting this shit on deli shows or easy. No, none of the online places that you steal shit. It's nowhere there. People are like, no, we're not even watching that shit for free back. They're still on the east coast and you know that because everybody's in a horrible pattern. Horrible. Okay. But here, no one has suntan lotion and their boobs skin is literally peeling all of them. Liza's boobs are about to fall out. She could take those things back to Ross dress for less. That's how much she's showing. She, I love how every time you mention Ross, you always call it Ross dress for less. This is cool. I mean, I know, but I just feel it's funny. Ross doesn't get a nickname. A paralyzed, a paralyzed the whole name. Ross gets no nickname telling. But yeah, the women on those shows are so gross. And on this one, they're also still being violated on the east coast. Everybody's been violated. I'm violated. You know what? I was in the bouncy machine. I was in the bouncy machine in Jonathan. He's stuck his thumb up my ass. He's stuck his thumb right at my tushy. I was violated. My tushy. I was paralyzed. I was paralyzed. I saw the little thumb up there and I thought, wait a second. I'm not pooping. It's the wrong way. Oh my god. You see those? I go into bouncy houses. So I go. You stick a thumb up my ass. You better buy me a real house. That's how we do it in the North Shore. So I think, like, yeah, I think the episode began mainly with just general gossip about Jonathan. I think Corey and Gail went to go see a skin person to get their face and they had a close up of Gail's face. Giant crease going down here. I was like, oh girl. She looked like, okay, she looks like the part on like mission impossible. That was like the crease that you reach your fingers into to pull your face off and reveal that you're like, Kristen Scott Thomas. I was going to say, she looks like probably the middle of an action shot in the Transformers movie where the car is about to change from like, I don't know, like a pickup truck into a big scary monster and it's just like, all the veins start like, or like the Hulk. Yeah. It was just veins and she's relaxed. She was like relaxed. She's like, so has your husband, is he still cheating on you? Because mine's not I control everything and he's totally in love with me. And her veins are like, yeah, it was like a river run through it darling. No, the North Shore winner after all. It was like Teen Wolf, except it was geriatric Wolf. The transformation was happening. MTV Transformations. Yeah. So I'm trying to, I think why don't you steer this one because you understand. Oh, because my notes. Oh God. Auto correct. God help us on these. So Gail. Gail's neck. Yeah. Gail and Koro, which I'm assuming means that Corey. Oh my God. This auto correct sucks. They talk about the thumb off the butt. And this is so funny to me because they're always talking about like whose husband is disrespecting who, but they're also disgusting. It's like, oh, here we are getting a face. What were they getting a facial? They were getting their fucking neck veins flushed or whatever. They're getting more fluid for it. They were getting a tuna. So she's like, whatever, do whatever you gotta do. I don't think that. Are we still on the Wi-Fi? I don't know. Well, I don't know. I guess it's probably a smudge to the lens. It's sucking today. That is smudge. You're a darling. You can't see. Well, is it like a bad connection? Well now they're all confused. All our Periscope fans are confused. Well, speaking of the stupid things, should we stop it again? I do not have time to sew together in episodes. We have to do all we have to do all episodes. So Periscope people, you better catch up. Yeah, we're here. Which camera are you using? Just audio. All right, we'll come back again. We'll start one more time, thanks. Stupid Periscope piece of shit. Shit. Motherfucking shit. Perilized someone's like a film of Periscope's ass. So while you fix that, I'll talk about what was going on on the show. So basically, everyone was talking about the thumb up the ass. It was like, did you hear? Did you hear that Jonathan stuck his thumb up, lies his ass in the bouncy castle? But someone called it the bouncy machine. It was just like this machine to encourage bounciness. It's like, I went in the bouncy machine and I got a thumb up my ass. I felt violated. I'm so violated. Now, to be fair, it actually is pretty violating to have someone stick their thumb up your ass. But for some reason, how far could his thumb have been up her ass? Yeah, it's not like she's wearing assless chaps. Yeah, she was wearing like a full dress and I'm assuming underwear. Like, how far was that thumb up her butt? Give me a break. Yeah. I was violated. Give me a break. So it's sexual harassment. If he doesn't like leash you a car, these women, like, where do these standards come from with these women? She's like, if he'd given me a gum drawer, he could have put five children up my ass. I wouldn't care. But nope, it was a bouncy house and they were serving hot dogs. No, no thumb up my ass. I was violated. And then I think, I think that then, was it? Oh, I'm supposed to be looking at notes, aren't I? At some point, it's just, oh, and then Andy, who has no storyline of her own, she just shows up on everybody else's story and says things like, why is your husband so awful to you? She says that to base everybody. You know, I've been married three times, twice to a guy with old man Buffant. And you know what? You've done a lot of things. Did you check the picture when she was showing, they showed two of her ex-husband's? And one of them, I swear to God, looked like Phyllis Diller's father. He was like old man time. No, one of them literally had Liza's- A cuckoo came out of his face. You know how Liza's mom has the bump it and then the hair goes back to the back? Andy's ex-husband had the bump it hair without the long extensions in the back. It was like, oh my God, she married Liza's mother. And Liza's mother was young and didn't mind laying down on the gravel half the time. She fucked an older man and it was that guy. I mean, seriously. That guy was like Colonel Sanders, like- Yeah, it was- Retired Colonel Sanders. Yeah, she was like, okay, I'm getting myself into a will right now. Sorry it didn't work out, Andy. Oh, yeah, so- By the way, Andy Rubano says bouncy houses are the cause of over 300 thumb up the butt accidents every year. No kidding. Where do you think he learned it? They probably had one in jail the way they run things up there. Teresa's diary is like- Today in prison, I ate and then we played games and then I heard somebody yell at somebody, but it was okay. Then I didn't interview with people. Boy, I love ya. What the fuck kind of jails are they running up there? I know. Look at that sort of jail. I know. She's like, could someone send me stickers? Loves to Vusus. It's okay. So anyway. So is this the next day taken season? Come up the bod, oh, I just noticed that you guys remember that makeover episode for Susan? Yeah. Because she doesn't. Bitch, you just pulled, you just pulled the burnt sienna right out your purse again. She's like, thanks for the makeover girls. She'll be fair, maybe some of her makeup smeared off when she was at the public pool with Jonathan. Oh my God. Oh, I can't believe what this is. Taking the day off together, Jonathan. This is amazing. They're like putting quarters in the public pool. I know. I know. We're playing hooky. What the public pool? I mean, we've never seen this is like a new low like normally this is probably supposed to have like really wealthy people who have their own pools or at least like some version of it. But they were literally like, well, at the pool, there was like a good humor stand nearby, like goggles for sale. I want to talk about our relationship to all a little kid made of poopy is floating in the pool. Isn't that cute? Jonathan, I want to talk about our relationship, but we can't do it right now. It's adult swim. Come on. Hurry up. Hurry up. We got 20 minutes. Jonathan, I'd like to talk about our relationship while we do water aerobics with the old ladies. Hey, someone set the thumb up some of these butt in the pool. Who was that? Nobody wouldn't meet. Was it the lifeguard tooling that whistled around his thumb? Back and forth. Back and forth. Round and round and round. Round and round and coil out. And Andy's back at the victim thing. She's like, did you hear what happened at the party? Because someone's, Jonathan stuck his thumb up that girl's butt and it became this other thing that they're playing like, like serious, the huge soundtrack in the background. To be fair, before the public pool thing, Liza, your notes, I can't make it. I don't know what these mean, autocorrect. So by the way, on Periscope, this is my place. Someone asked. Someone asked where we are. We have my place. So I think Liza and was it Andy took Susan out to dinner or was it Liza and Corey? I think it was Liza and Andy. It doesn't matter. Oh, it was Corey and Andy. Yeah, you're right, because that's when Corey... No, no. It was Liza and Andy. It was always Liza and Andy. It was Liza and Andy. Liza and Andy. We don't want to get in the middle of your relationship. Corey was divorced. What's your husband? What else are you going to do? He's awful. Divorce him. We don't want to meddle. And Susan's like, "What?" I thought it was funny. You know, it's like, you know, it's a kid's party, you know? We need a little bit of love. He's stopped trying to be so stuffy. I'm like, since when are these women the, like, paragon of stuffiness? Like, this is... I'm kidding. And who are these bitches to give anybody advice? Both of you are begging for a thumb up the ass, okay? Corey's husband is cheating with God knows who, blatantly, in front of her, on text. And Andy has been divorced from, like, old man time, like, father time, shut the fuck up, you two. I know. So that's why Susan when I spoke to Jonathan, she's like, "Listen, I love you, but I want you. You gotta fix your behavior." You know, I'd say, "I can't have this. That's seriously, seriously." Oh, this is awful. This is so awful. It's so full of shit. Because she's like, "Johnathan, I've noticed that you're in a bad mood all this time. It's so snappy." And he's like, "What are you talking about snappies? 'Cause I ain't been getting late." And she's like, "Oh, yeah. What about last night? Did you write last night?" He's like, "Yeah. That was hot. Yeah, okay. That's why I'm in a better mood today." And then she's like, "Well, I was really mad at you last night, and I wanted to talk about..." It's like, you just fucked him last night. You can't let come home mad because the girls made you cry, and then fucked him, and then talk about it the next day and expect him to give a shit. If you want to mantle, listen, if you're going to use your vagina as, like, a bargaining chip, you don't let him eat the chip, and then try and bargain him. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Did you had to be a woman? Of course. I mean, she basically got proposed to him, like, a week after dating him while he was in prison. Yeah. So anyway, um... Desperation, stunning. So, yeah. So there was this whole thing. Corey was not there. Corey was lost somewhere in the LIE 'cause her GPS sucks. My GPS sucks. See, I keep, I keep measuring that because when we were watching, I just, I crack up because Corey will just sometimes say these two, like, very millennial type of things, and it's like, so, I'm, I'm tuning, but she, but she just says it with this, like, blah away. She'll be like, oh, I'm sorry girls, I couldn't make it here on time. My GPS sucks, and it turns out I was driving the wrong way the whole time because my car sucks. Aw. Oh, I'm Corey. And she's, she always looks like this, her eyes are always, like, why I like that, and she's like, I want some food right now. She's like, she's always got, like, a smell look. She's like, you know, I love our marriage. I just wish he was more supportive. Oh, but her husband, your husband is fucking the whole world. Yeah. No man wakes up and blow dries his hair for his wife of 20 years. It doesn't. It's not his hair. It's not his hair. It is, right? No man, blow dries is wig, either, or I can't. Well, I mean, Ken doesn't do that, right? Meanwhile, in the midst of all this, we had a scene with Gail. Gail goes to, Gail and, and Steven go to, um, to tour the new facility for his office. To Heather's new house. Yeah. He's like, hey, hon, I think I'm going to get myself on the new season of botched Long Island. You can be my first song. It was like the penguins, penguin cave in Batman, too. So they're, they're touring it. I'm surprised Gail didn't show up with a stack of white blazers to put on everyone she saw. She was actually wearing a white blazer. She's like, listen, the uniform here is white blazers. I'm in a white blazer. I work here. That's it. You made the uniform, bitch? Yeah. Congratulations. You thought up the idea that people working in medical office should wear a white coat. Great. So, um, so they're walking around this huge, it's actually a huge facility bigger than the hospital. And they're like, tell your friends bigger than the hospital. So you could tell that the one concession that Dr. Steven made is that he's like, and here's where the receptionist will sit sitting behind the glass wall. Like, okay. She was like, they are not to talk to anyone, put them in a glass case and don't let anyone speak to them. Get their flirting whore ways away from other people or he's trying to protect them. Maybe it's like one of those things at the check cashing store, so she can't get to them. So then she's like, where is your blazer? Let me in there. Let me in there. So she's, then, then Gail's like, all right, well, Steven so wears my office and he's like, uh, with my office and everyone looked at her like, what are you ever done, bitch? She's like, you don't get an office for ordering fucking white polyester blazers off eBay. I need to have an office to be able to research salads. I, what is she doing, how can build this? I have built everything around. The way I do it is I follow him around and I say, with mine, with mine, with mine, with mine. We are husband and wife. We are husband and wife. But we need to spend time together. It's like, bitch, not at the workplace. I support him home. All right. This hurts my feelings. She's like, if he's coming, if he's getting back into all work and no play mode, if he's putting work before life, I don't like that he's not doing that because you keep suffocating him. So his only escape is to go to work with the hot girls rather than your crazy bony ass and getting on top of every sentence I've worked right. This really hurts my feelings. I put him before everything. I met every event that he had. She's like, I did not know and no, because she said, oh no, it's actually a really good relationship because we support each other where each other's events. I'm like, isn't he never comes to shit? He went to play tennis with you one time and he was only hoping Corey would fall on her face so we could fix it. Exactly. She's like, I did not not go to school to not have an office. And he's like, not where I skipped college. This is not what this is not why I didn't go to college and then did not go to medical school to not have an office in your medical practice. Every busy doctors play tennis in the middle of a weekday that too, whoever's asking, that's funny. So then anyway. So then what? So we don't want to get in the middle of it. Leave him. And Susan's like, what am I supposed to leave him for you? I'm supposed to just separate. Separation. I mean, while Corey's like, how do you think it means one of my husband is texting people, I can't wait to suck on your vagina. What does that mean? Is that code? Well, Corey is sucking on other vaginas, lady. Corey and Sandy go to a very homely therapist, they just want to like, they go to therapy. Poor Corey is so insecure. She's like, find a therapist, find a really fat therapist and close it, don't fit the Sandy ain't going to fuck. I don't care who it is. Just find any, but fran like God, it's like the only fat woman on the street wearing white leopard print. Yeah. Come on, Corey. Have some self respect. Have some pride. So she's like, I don't know. I just feel like after 20 years, I just kind of feel like I want something more for me. I don't know. That's what I want. I don't know. I don't know. My relationship sucks right now. And then he's like, listen, he's like, listen, I love you. I never wanted to get married again after my first wife when I realized that I like men, but then I met you and I realized you were the best beard I had ever met. So I decided I want to only be married to you and no one else because I love you and you are my wife. Thank you very much. Signed me and fran's like, oh, that sounds like you were kind of making it up just to get out of here. Like, no, that was really romantic. That was beautiful. It was validation that I needed. That's the most he's given me in years. And he's like, oh, it just gave you a load this morning. These men are pigs on this show, by the way. Yeah. Pig. Like what? You suck my dick all the time. What else do you want from me? Yeah. Meanwhile, Liza, she wasn't doing much this episode. She went touring some apartments in New York City. She looked at one that was a nice apartment and it was selling for $10,000,000,000. Paralyze. I can't even get paralyzed because I watch selling New York. That shit is scary. You know, when I moved from New York, like 12 years ago, when cigarettes turned $10, that was 12 years ago. Why do you people live there? What is going on? I lived through 9/11, through all that shit, the blackouts, all that crap, and I still kept trudging along. I was like, look at me. I'm so strong living in New York. And one day I was like, fuck this place up and down the stairs, everything smells like pee, cigarettes, $10, $10.5 million apartment with terrible wood floors and gel bars on the window. No, by New York. I was surprised that Liza did not, you know, handled that price act so well. I was just imagining Andy being like, oh, that realt is about to get lysored straight up lysored right now. Look out, look out, sister. You're about to get lysored. You're about to get lysored. Classic lysored. Classic lysored. Lysored is like, I call this living room because this is where I live. Oh, you got lysored. You got straight up lysored. Oh, that was a classic lyser. Oh, my God. Hey, sis. I heard you showed lyser around New York City. Did you get totally lysed? I get lysed every day. We had the bed, and she's like, hey, remember when I got my thumb stuck on my ass? I'm like, yeah. She's like, well, here comes my son. Oh, my God. I got totally lysed by that one. Oh, my God. I got three. I was sick. Three thumbs up my ass just to get lysed in every day. It's so hilarious. No wonder why Stephen is saying better with it. It's like the most funny together sometimes when I, sometimes she's like, all right, good night, good night Andy. And I'm like, OK, good night. And then she turns off the light. Then she turns it back on. She gets, oh, my God. I got totally lysed. I got totally lysed. And Andy's eyes are a different color in every scene. She's like the Kenya more of this show. She's like, oh, I felt different today. So I have a different eye color. I'm like, what are you? You're like a gay pride flag from scene to scene. I just want to montage with her eyes changing, never doing anything but changing her context. That's her whole storyline and telling everyone they need to get a divorce. Her eyes totally got lysed. It's got lysed. I woke up with blue eyes. Now the purple. I got lysed. So in other news, Andy, when she wasn't getting lost. Andy, again. She's someone else's storyline. So Andy, Audrey, Amy, to Audrey, yeah, Amy to drinks. And she's like, I want to talk to you because, you know, I've been through three husbands already. I've been you. And she's like, you know what, one, it's good. It's really good. And I just, you know, it's like, now that I don't have any ex for you back, I just focus on the author. And you know, I just, people don't understand. He's really, he's wonderful. Yeah, no one understands how nice all it is when he's nice. You know, sometimes the fire's burning and you touch it and it's hot, but then sometimes the fire goes that and you touch the one, it's just the one and you're like, I love wood. You know what I mean? I love wood. It's like, let's put this on instant. My ex is on instant. This on instant. My ex is on instant. My ex is on instant. My ex is on instant. You only think it's a jerk. You only think it's a jerk because when he's being nice, I don't put it on instant. And that's not fair to him. That's me being the wrong one. Do you want this? Yeah. He goes weeks without talking to me. But I love him. I love him. You know what? You know what? It's a roller coaster. But that's author. It's Max. It's Max. You know, Max needs to sell more solar panels. If you could just sell more solar panels, you can move out, all right? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? He's never done broken a table. He's never broken a table. He's never broken a table. Never broken a table. I mean, that's a good man. You know what? The other day, I got totally authored. You know what that means? He punched me in the eye. I mean. Give me a shine. Yeah. That's just how it is. Sometimes you get mad and you gotta punch something. That's what I'm here for. I'm like that stress ball that people have in their office. Sometimes it's a pretty ball. Sometimes you're angry and you squeeze the ball and take you're not angry. Amy was smart because Andy was trying to have like an intervention and Amy turned around and she was like, "You know what I look in your eyes and see a lot of hurt, Amy?" Well, I mean, then I see some blue. Oh, you're a handy. Yeah. Well, I think I see hurt. But sometimes, sometimes it looks like it's happening. I can't. It's the best in your context. I see hurt. I just want to know what made you, what hurt you so much. What made you worried about me? What made you worried about me? What made you worried about me? What made you worried about me? What? What made you worried about me? What made you worried about me? What? What? She was right because that was total protection. It was like, I don't know. I think I just got lies at one too many times. I just got lies at one. Hey, are you aiming at me? Oh, I just got any need. Oh. The next kid does not instant. We're talking about it. We're talking about how she got it lies at the other day. She's like, well, maybe I don't know, maybe with the third one, you have to be like crap. Maybe you should stop marrying 90 year olds for their money, dumb slut. Like, what do you think these guys are out for? She's like, those guys. She's like, no, it's because there's a time delay. They're still on your thing. Trust. I just called somebody dumb slut. I'm not going to get it done. It's the internet. They're like. Seriously, what are you thinking? It's like she's trying to give this love advice. And I don't understand what the hell she's talking about. That's not love advice. Okay, staying with old people until it's legal to take half of their income is not love, you dumb bitch. But I'm paralyzed. Get out of here. She's like, I have a pair of contacts for every husband that I've had. What do you have, Amy? What do you have? A Volkswagen least. Get out of here. I have a dining room table that I'm too afraid to put my elbows on because I'm afraid that it's going to break where Max leaned on it. But if it does break, I'm putting it on Insta. It's going to Insta. I wish there was a filter called Max and that way I could be like, hey, Max, I'm going to max this photo. I totally maxed it. I totally maxed this. Look at Max. He's been going to the gym. Then they cut the max and his boobs are hanging out of his shirt. He's like, what do you want me to do, boss? Oh, that was a good scene too. Yeah, he's like, he's like, hey, ma, I sold the solo panel today. Oh, really? Max? No, I'm sorry. I mean, I ate a Reese's piece of peanut butter cup. I'm sorry. Oh, Max, you're so crazy. Stayed again in the tutu and we'll chase the ice cream man down again. Come on, Max. It's on Insta. It's going to put on Insta, Max. Oh, Max, I just got a text from Insta. It said, I miss Max. Come on, Max. I wish you could be more like Arthur. My favorite show is the Golden Girls because there's someone that can't be Arthur. And I'm like, yeah, I'd love to be Arthur. As soon as Max gets out of here, I can be Arthur. Sometimes Be Arthur's really nice to everybody and sometimes she's mean to them. They don't even want to swallow their cheesecake. It's called the Golden Girls. Not a pierce. No, I'm always trying to picture it, Cecily, 1942, but Max gets in the way I can't think about it. Anyway, so I love this abuse conversation because they're having this very, really, the women on this show are abused. Like for those of you who watch it, these women only marry men for their money. They're all horrible to the women. They all cheat on the women. The women are basically sacks of them, they don't look like their former selves at all. All they do is beat themselves up, change themselves, inject themselves, do whatever they can to not get a fucking job. You know what? Working's really not that hard, you guys. So they do everything they can. And then they wonder why these men treat them like shit. And then they're like, "I'm happy you, should I stay? Get a job, bitch. Get a job." That's what you need. You need to work for Jonathan's solo company. That's what you need to do. So it's sad to watch if you're a feminist, like me. They got lies in there. Come on, women. Get some power here. You know, Gloria Steinem didn't sit on the back of a bus with, you know, bus stand when knees for this. I don't know if that ever happened. I'm not a version of feminist. Anyway, so anyway. I wasn't there in no way. I'll just finish because it's like 10 minutes. But I love that they're having this serious abuse conversation. And above Andy's head is the restroom sign. And above Amy's head is a big screen TV. Like, "Was there anywhere to be serious in this town?" He's like, "I have to beat me. Oh, that's where the bathroom is." And he's like, "You should leave him." "I'll buy a vowel, Alan." "I would buy a vowel if I didn't leave my third husband." I think I'd like to solve the puzzle. You just got totally lysed. No, I'm sorry, Andy. That's not the, that is, there's not even an L or a Z. And it's one word. "Oh, you're lysing me, aren't you? You're lysing me." "Lysing, get over here. Get over here. You totally lysed me." "You're just making me feel bad because you love me, right, Arthur?" That's not the name. Arthur, do you want to, do you want to spin the wheel of fortune for me? I know you want to do it. I don't want me to actually do it. Max had on the wheel and broke it in half. "Hey, wait a second. That was someone else's clue. I'm not coming on wheel of fortune to do someone else's clue. I want my own clue. If you love me, you'll give me my own clue." All right. So anyway, so the last big thing that happened was the final like 15, 20 minutes took place at Corey and Sandy's big anniversary points. "How did Kathy Lee Gifford not come out from the 80s doing a carnival cruise line commercial?" "When we were watching it, Ron, his description was perfect. You said it was like a cruise line." "Yeah, it's like a dinner cruise. It's like a dinner cruise party from 20 years ago. Like that's before they got the Ebola outbreak and everybody died on it. They just never changed it. They're just like clean up the old people, you know, like clean up the Christmas lights to bring new people in." "Bringing up the lights, duh." This was classic Long Island. It was like a bunch of 50 year olds dressed in quote unquote club wear at a club. Like this is like their 20th anniversary party of club. That is on the e-vite, so like one of them is in a formal ball game. Someone's in shorts. "Suses in shorts." I'll have to show it up in as you called it Paisley Platt because it was in both patterns at work. It was a platt pattern with a Paisley overlay in puke green and he was like, "Hi everybody. How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? Good to meet you. Great. The big thing that came out of it, the therapy session, the big thing that came out of it was that Sandy needs to say nicer things to Corey so that way she doesn't have, doesn't feel paranoid. She needs to feel validation. And Fran's like, "Hey, how about you do something to show where you love her like it? It's your 20th anniversary. Maybe you could tell that you love her." And Corey's like, "That would be nice." "Yeah, that'd be nice." Maybe. Yeah, your fucking 20th anniversary, he could say, "I love you." Maybe. This lady never tells me that she loves me. But maybe you could Sandy, Sandy, this sucks. If you tell me you turn in Spanish, I swear to God, Sandy, I swear to God, I'm changing the password on your phone and you're not getting pussy for another month. So they have this ridiculous party and everyone's there, everyone's schmoozing. Meanwhile, Sandy's like, he was like Ramona in The Real Housewives of New York first episode which we didn't mention. The editors just keep cutting to Ramona, drinking, every time they catch Ramona, it's like, "All right." And that was Sandy in this one. It's like Sandy's wig is like getting further and further over. He's getting pale like he's going to barf. Oh my God. And so, for some reason I remember much of what happened to big things. The big thing was... The big romantic talk was the thumb up the butt. People were still into that. Yeah, they're like, "Hey, so, do you hear about Jonathan? You get to take a thumb up, someone's asked a lot of assholes here." He's like, "Oh, relax, relax, I'll get to all of you's, okay? I'll get my thumb up. Every single one of these assholes, okay? Oh, Jonathan, you're so funny, really lining up the stiff crowd." And then, Sandy, who's going to really stand up to Jonathan tonight for his woman, goes up and he's like, "Hey, Jonathan, how tight is Liza's asshole?" And everyone's like, "Yeah, and then he's like, "But you're not going to do that tonight, right? I did it, right? Corey? Right, I did it." All right, I'm fucking a teenager. I'm out of here. So, Corey gets up there, finally they're all drawn again and it's like, it's speech time. She's like, "I just want to thank everyone for coming out here tonight. I love my husband and cut to Sandy and he's like making signs with DJB, like, "Cut her off. Done, no, whatever." And he's like, "See, you know what, we're together, I love him so much, we're a great couple." And she's like, "Hey, Sandy, why don't you just see it?" No, her speech was not even romantic. This is her speech. She's like, "Everyone, thank you so much for coming to a 20th wedding anniversary. You know what marriage is? It's difficult. That's what it is. It's like, all right, it's like when you let glue dry. At first, it's lovely and sticky, it's making things stick together. Then it's hard as a rock, you don't know why. Everything's dying around it. It kills flowers. You don't know why. Suddenly, no one's having sex with you. You want to kill yourself." And then you look over and you're like, "But I said, I do. So we're still together. We're still together." Yeah, and everyone's like, and then she's like, "Guess what everyone was saying together because at this point, Sandy has taken the mic and it looks like he's going to say something and he just gives it to the DJ." And the kids are filming it, like, you know. Yeah. Sandy, I mean, Schmuck of the Year, he's wearing some ridiculously dark pattern shirt tucked in tight. But Paisley, too. North Shore. Stop. Yeah, stop. North Shore is very sophisticated. How is... You know, Sandy's the only man in America who can wear that much plaid and get that many blow jobs from random teenagers on the street. What the hell, North Shore? Yeah. But it was a big Schmuck move because you're at the very least, get on the mic to thank your guests for coming to the party. How about that? At the very least, even if you don't love your wife anymore. It's like everyone wants to see. Thanks for coming to our anniversary, I'd like to thank Bravo for the drinks and if anyone wants to take a look at it, it'll be in the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. He was disgusting. Big asshole. But the worst part of it all was that when the episode ended, they said, "Next week on the season finale of Secrets and Wives." No! No! How were we going to know what never, ever happens? I am so sad because, you know, we're never going to see this show. It's going to go the way of Princesses, Long Island, Gallery Girls. It's over. Come on, though. Enjoy it while you can. The Paralyze! Thankfully, you know, God has created a beautiful earth and he's also created plenty of stupid people to fill our television screens with. So thanks. Yeah. Thanks for that. And I mean that sincerely. So... So that's it, right? Yeah. See you guys. This was so much fun talking to you guys on the Periscope. You were so funny. Yeah. Thank you for letting us steal your content, your content the whole night because that's basically what we did. Thanks to all 17 of you who are still watching. Hell yeah. That's a lot of people who sit through this long of a thing, especially about Secrets and Wives. I have to say I'm proud of Liza for not showing up and saying, "Hi, it's me Liza from Secrets and Wives!" Because she was doing that on Andy's Periscope, as was posted on Facebook earlier. So funny. Yeah. He's like, "Hi, I'm Andy Cullen. Look at me. A dog's pooping over in the corner." And she's like, "Look, it's me. It's Liza from Secrets and Wives." And someone wrote under, "Ew." And then Liza goes calling up and then she's like, "It's me. Liza! Let me get it. Let me get it. Anyway, thank you for everybody listening to this and not watching this, which I guess is everybody else. Yes. Thank you so much for listening to us. It'd be weird on Periscope, but we don't get together that often. We had to do it and we will be in Tejas next week. Either the 24th or 25th, we'll announce it on Facebook.com/wattrokrapown. Keep an ear out for details on the big Crap by Crap West Festival that's happening in Austin next week, starring me and Ronnie, and that's about it. Well, someone wrote on Periscope. Oh, my God. Liza did that on Heather's Periscope too. Oh, my God. That is so... Come on, Liza. Cut it out. Liza. Liza. Be quiet. You just got Liza dead then. You got Liza. Hey, you know what? She's just like, "Hey, I'm the big fan of this. Just kidding. I'm on Bravo." You got Liza. We got Liza. It's only Liza. You got it's only Liza. That Heather got Liza. Which Heather was it. I don't know. I just got Liza. No. It's just it was hashtag Bravo. Hashtag your mother's dead and she hates you. Hashtag everyone's disappointed in you. Hashtag not cool. Don't be not. Don't be uncle. Hey Heather. I'm Heather. The naked man in the bed with Jonathan. You just got Liza. You just got Liza. You're the sickest. Thumb up your ass. You're so lucky. Were you in a bouncy castle? Bye, everybody. We'll talk to you next week. Thanks for everything. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the side show network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, Slicing Driving Friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. To the insurance company that's burned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me. It's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting GEICO. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tears you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to GEICO, sincerely not yours, Tara, in Telluride. GEICO. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watchbook Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery App or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. 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