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Get free shipping on qualified orders, c-site for more details. That's what it says in the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. Something you may have read about if you subscribe to Nextissue.com. Get your free 30-day trial at Nextissue.com/crapins and get access to tons of magazines. You get all the stories, the news and the photos from the most relied upon sources. I mean sports, entertainment, fashion, news, you get sports illustrated, backpacker, ski and surfer. I mean, I know you guys care about the ski and surfing and if not, there's a lure, there's Vogue, there's Elle, there's Cosmo, Time Magazine, Elizabeth Warren's on the cover. I know some of you guys love her. Some of you guys hate her. Either way, I'm sure you want to hear what she has to say or not. Maybe you just want to hate read. Either way, she's there. There's O Magazine and that's Oprah. You can't deny Oprah. I mean, if you don't sign up for Nextissue.com, you are personally going after Oprah. That's my view on it. And I think we all know who wins that battle. Either way, Nextissue delivers all the content, everything that's in print editions. On the same day they hit the newsstands, lots of interactive features and videos and photos, access the most popular and trusted magazines, anywhere on your tablet or phone. One subscription gets you so many magazines for as little as $10 per month. You can use it up up to five devices. It's easy to share with others. Guys, get your free 30-day trial at Nextissue.com/crapins and read up way up on all your interests. Nextissue.com/crapins Watch what crap is, Watch what crap is, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what crap is, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and The Bantar Blender. Joining me as always is the wonderful and hilarious and getting skinny, Ronnie Karam from trashtalktv.com. Hello, Ben. Hello. Hi everybody, so this is a marathon Crapins day. I'm so excited. Yeah, this is a big day. If you are listening to this podcast and it's Tuesday, July 14th, aka Bastille Day, then guess what? You have a lot on your calendar for today for Crapins because we just did an AMA on Reddit which means ask me anything where we answered a bunch of questions on there. You can go to Reddit, check it out, the link I think is up on our Facebook page, which is a good way of saying that if you go to our Facebook page, facebook.com/watch what Crapins, you get all sorts of great, funny content, most of it provided by you, the listeners. And it's really fun. So go check out our AMA there. Also, if you support us at Patreon, you get access to things like a bonus episode. We just recorded a really fun one where we talked about Andy Cohen calling a man that actress, a mandala, a jack hole, even though she's just 16. And then we also talked about Kim Richards getting out of rehab and we talked about what there's something else in the middle. Oh, Michelle Collins being on the view. It's a really good bonus episode. So go support us on Patreon. You get access to that. Also, if you support us on Patreon, if you donate at the $2 level, you get access to Google Hangout and we're doing the Google Hangout tonight. On Tuesday, I think it's at 6pm Pacific Coast time, 9pm Eastern, and we, Ryan and I will be watching Real Housewives of New York City on the Hangout and we encourage everyone to watch with us and we will talk and make caddy jokes, et cetera, et cetera. Super fun. First 10 people get to join on the Hangout, everyone else can watch from YouTube. And then we are recording our second episode directly afterwards. The Hangout is over. We're doing our second episode because Ronnie's going to Texas. Texas! Texas tomorrow. So we are going to be podcasting together and to sweeten it, we are going to do it live on Periscope. So if you don't have the Periscope app, download it so you can watch us. Wow. What a day of practice. That was a lot. It was a lot. And we haven't even talked about, we haven't even talked about our premium sponsors because on Patreon, we also have premium sponsorships available and we are very lucky and very thankful that we have two premium sponsors for us, for our podcast. So we have to say thank you and that this podcast is brought to you in part by Claudia Catalina and Chrissy Daugherty. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, thank you guys. Without you, we would be hopeless. Without you, we'd be waiters. Thank you guys. Anything else I have to talk about? I mean, whatever. I don't think so. You've probably already done that next issue. So anyway, we're going to talk about Real Housewives of Orange County and Marriage Medicine, but there's also some gossip that we didn't cover on the bonus show that we can just cover now. First and foremost, or at least just first, is that Neenie Leaks and Kim Zolciak were supposed to have a spin-off show together. It was going to be called Neenie and Kim, The Road to Riches. I'm sad to report. It is no more. It's been postponed or canceled as of right now. It's not happening because quote/unquote, you're both in the middle of the process. Because both of the movies filming a game show, which probably took an afternoon to shoot the entire six episodes of that game show. And Kim Zolciak is shooting her dumb little Bravo show. Give me a break, people. That is not being too busy, okay? Especially you, Neenie, with your game show. Get out of here. Yeah, come on. You're on Broadway. You're on Broadway, and you still managed to do a Real Housewives. No, no, no. You're not too busy. I mean, the only thing that Kim is doing right now is searching for some budget chardonnay. All right, she is not too busy. Kim is just touching her face to feel if she can still feel anything, because that bitch's face looks crazy. Oh, yeah, I missed it. It's officially crazy. Have you seen her face lately? Someone put it on our Facebook. It's an Instagram of her next to Brielle. Brielle's beautiful, by the way. Of course, growing up beautifully. And Kim is beautiful, too, even though she looks like a damn, you know, melted candy corn on a heater or whatever. But she looks ridiculous. Her face looks crazy. Stop it. Stop it. Move away from your face. Yeah, I didn't watch the 100th episode special for Atlanta, which I thought was funny because the show isn't airing. And so I'm like, wait, why is there a 100th episode special of Atlanta airing? It must be that Mother Funders is and married to medicine probably aren't doing so well on Sunday. That's what I suspect. Atlanta is the biggest show on there. It's the biggest house life show on there, and nothing's performing, I guess. That's what I imagine. But either way, I saw the previews that Kim looked cuckoo for crazy puffs. I mean, she was our cocoa puffs. She had some sort of like purple, fuchsia lipstick on her face like it was like one of those things where you squeezed the neck and the eyes bulge out or whatever. It's just a disaster. Oh, like those rubber chicken things? Yes. That's exactly what she looks like. A rubber chicken. Big old rubber chicken and a wig. So what the other bravo goss is the the chubby gay guy, Eric Stone Street. Okay, just so I'm not fattest and homophobic at the same time. Eric Stone Street, even though he's not gay, obviously, Eric Stone Street is dating Bethany Frankel. It's like polar opposites. Very strange. Very strange pairing. And bipolar opposite, I mean scale opposite. Like those two skinnies. Bethany is anorexia, and this guy is over readers and anonymous, and I just love imagining the fights in their house. Bethany's probably just like, "Oh, you're fodding. Oh, God, you're fodding. You're going to eat. Oh, God, you're going to eat. Oh, he's going to eat. Oh, he's going to eat. And he just thinks she's hilarious because she's an erotic idiot. You know what, modern family? That's exactly what we owe, a modern family. Because he's over there and then I have a wall up. I have a wall up. He can't get into my wall. Can't get over it. Can't get over it. Wall is up. We're very modern family. You know, don't what could get through my wall until he rolled up or went out at the wall cake crashing down. If you should have my lugs. My lugs collapsed, but it was worth it. It's left. If you tell me that Edo Neal's coming over for dinner, I will literally be on the floor right now in a ball of tears. Okay? You know, I cannot deal with it. My wall is up. That's so cute. I really, you know, I'm behind all families, white families, minority families, eating disordered families. I just love family. Right? I mean, I say if we're going to have an eating disorder, let's do it as a family. I'm about to do it for two weeks with my mother. I can't wait. Oh, wow. Are you excited for your Texas trip? Yeah, I go twice a year. And so by this time, I've had like six months away. And so I'm so peaceful. And I'm like, Oh, everything's so great. I can't wait to see everybody. And then by the end of the two weeks, I'm like a rage machine. Well, I'm excited that I will be joining you in Texas next week. And we allegedly have a live show for next Friday in Austin for crap by crap West. But do we actually have a venue? Well, actually, one of our lovely listeners and a writer at Trash Talk TV did find us a venue. Really? But I have not seen it. And I'm afraid to commit because it's like some straight bar in East Austin. And, you know, they're not going to close down. And it'll be on a Friday or Saturday night. And I'm kind of scared, you know, does anyone know of any coffee shops in Austin? If you know of a coffee shop in Austin where I'll be better. Once I'm there, my family owns restaurants and stuff. I just haven't been able to. It's hard to pressure people on text, you guys. I have to do it in real life who makes sad eyes. Yeah. So we're cautiously optimistic that our lives will definitely be doing it. We will. It will definitely be either July 24th or 25th. That's a Friday or Saturday in Austin somewhere. Tracy Swasey suffered her sister's home in Georgetown. But that's a little far. Christina found us a bar. Let's just do it under all the bats. Let's just go to the bridge and do the podcast live from the bats. And every time one of them shits guano on us will make a reference to a real housewife. Totally. Sounds good to me. I'm in. Crap by Crap West. It's happening. We might do it in a cul-de-sac, but we will believe they're the 24th or the 25th. So plan outcome. And I think a lot of people are planning on coming. It's going to be a really fun night. It'll be great. It'll be. I'm actually really excited. Everyone better get there and everyone better laugh at every one of our jokes, even if they're not funny because it'll sound great on the podcast. We'll just add it in later. If you don't clap, I'll be like David. David, go on. David, David. I have some brava goss. Really? I was out the other night just to the bar around the corner from me getting a drink with a friend, a straight friend who's like always off like hitting on girls. So I was left to my own devices. I was like, wow, this is like being around good looking gay men. They're just off talking all the time. That's why I hang out with humbly people. Don't offense my friends who don't listen to this show. Anyway, I was out with my friend and he was off hitting on girls. And so I was just talking to random people. And I was talking to this table of really funny people. And it turns out one of the friends of this table was Tom from Van Da Pomp Rules. Yeah, you had that picture with him, right? Yeah. I just walked out to him and I was like, hey, my name is Ronnie. I'm on Watch A Crapin's podcast that makes fun of bravo shows. And we love to make fun of your show. And he's like, oh, so you're like a fan of the show? And I said, well, kind of in the way that we love to mock you. And he's like, what do you mean? And so I did my impression of him. Yeah. I was like, I didn't do anything with her, Chris did. It's all like I stuck my penis. Okay, I stuck my penis in her, Chris did, but not only in her mouth. Okay. Okay. Okay, but not her butt. It would only count if it was her butt. He was not amused. Really? Because he didn't, I don't, he wasn't mad, but he was really nice, by the way. I don't think he got it. They usually don't. Gretchen didn't get it either when I impersonated. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, it was fun meeting him and I ended up just hanging out with them because they were kind of who I knew when I got dished by the straight guy. And so I had a really fun night with them. And I just wanted to say that he's actually really nice in real life and hilarious in how reality show dumb he is. He's like, hey, bro. Yeah. So I just finished doing my impersonation of him, which he doesn't laugh at, but his friend dies. And he's like, hey, aren't you going to take a picture? And I was like, no, should I? And he's like, yeah, put it on his to grab. He's like, oh my good. That's, yeah, that's something that reality stars love doing. They're actually the ones who usually say, like, let's do a picture. Remember when we ran into Rachel and Brendan at the Abbey and they were the ones who were like, let's do a picture. It wasn't us. Both separately. He's like, hey, bro, you want to take a picture? Why don't we take a picture? Like, okay, sure. I mean, that's, I love reality stars are the best because they're so happy to be recognized and to be known that they are totally approachable. You can go up to anyone. I remember a big brother season five, Jace was like the most reviled guy in the house and we made fun of him on TV guys and so badly. I did a video where I basically made it look like he and Scott were like gay lovers and it went viral. I mean, it really just thrashed him. And he comes out of the house and I run into Matt Cabo Cantina like two days after he's out of the house and I'm like, oh, hey, Jace. And he's like, hey man, what's going on? And I said, like, yeah, make fun of you on the web, on the web, on the TV guys. And he's like, oh, cool man, let's do a picture. And I remember like posing, you know, with Jace for a picture. And I remember to this day putting my hand on his shoulder because he was sleeveless, of course. And it was all stubbly and weird. It was like poorly shaven. But anyway, yeah, that's a little flavor to set the scene. But yes, they always ask for the photo. I love it. I think it's so funny. But he was actually really nice and Ariana is a good gorgeous. She had like zero makeup on. She's just beautiful. I mean, she was nice to go. I didn't talk to her much. But he was really nice. And it was very, very fun being out and having those two worlds collide. That's awesome. That's great. I love LA. And then my friend, of course, got like three phone numbers because he's so cute. And we were walking home and he was texting all the girls and I'm like, God damn it. I lost the, I lost the number. And he's like, what number did you get brought? And I was like, that guy from Bravo. And he's like, you're an idiot. Like, who cares? That's what you got. Oh my God. Whatever. You get, you get vagina and I get a podcast guest. All right. It worked out for both of us, Donnie. Oh yeah. Well, the thing is that we know where he is. We just have to go to sir. Insta. Yeah. Hey, Max, this is an Insta is the bartender on that. Hey, Max is the bartender on Insta. Is that an Insta? Max, Max. So funny. I love this house. I know. Why don't we get to, why don't we get to speaking of this town? Why don't we get on the highway and head down to Orange County? Let's do it, man. Oh, Ronnie. Ronnie. You know, I watch Orange County when it comes on the Internet because I don't like sitting through commercials, even though I'm paying for cable now. And I feel like it's not stealing because I'm paying for cable. Yeah. But I wait. And so I was reading the comments on Facebook about OC and I thought, Oh my God, this is going to be so boring because everyone's like, Oh, it's just dead mother. Yeah, it was a sort of dominant episode. I thought it was so good. Really? I thought it was kind of like, Okay, it was like, I mean, it was interesting, but it wasn't like juicy. I was just like, Okay, like they thoughts about like Vicky's mom died and Megan's stepdaughter's mom is cancer is going to die. And then Tamara has a baby. Wonderful stuff was happening in between all this. Okay. So it opens with Tamara and her mom, who she used to hate and like embarrass on national TV, which I guess are nice to each other now. But I guess the mom paid her penance and also Tamara's a Christian now. So yeah, that's right. But her new grandbaby is going to be born as someone called it on Facebook to her lame son's Instagram wife, which I thought was funny. But her grandbaby is being born and she's packing all the baby clothes that she bought because it's a grand, it's a granddaughter. And I just watched her pack thinking, you know, I find it amusing that these women were such bitches, but Vicki now has Gretchen's face and Tamara has bought Gretchen's entire wardrobe as many baby clothes. Gretchen owned every single one of those outfits. Every one of them however, to choose our gifts for Balorini's. And then we got to see, I guess this whole talk was just Tamara's like, can you believe it? I'm going to be a grandmother. It's like, bitch, your neck was a grandmother 10 years ago. Get over here. I'm being a hot grandma. No, sorry. Paddleboard yoga because Megan wants to bond with her daughter because her mother can't do certain things because she has colon cancer. So we're going to go paddleboarding and do yoga at the same time. Top that colon cancer. I'm a cool mom. Like I understand Twitter and I understand Instagram. That makes me cool. I'm a cool mom. I'm a cool mom. I'm on apps all the time. Snapchat, Tinder, Ashley Madison, it's like bitch. She's like, and then she's like tells her stepdaughter, whatever that girl's name, she's like, I just felt bad because when Vicki's mom died, it made me think of you and how your mom's about to die. And then I'll be your only mom then because your mom's about to die. Did I mention your mom's about to die? Totally, totally. It's like, well, Vicki's mom died and your mom's going to die and it made me cry because I was thinking of you, but then I was feeling bad and Vicki's like 50 and you're 17, so it's different. It's like, yeah, that's like the age difference in your marriage. I wouldn't be throwing ages around so much out of here. I just, I felt bad. I'm like, you know, like, I just feel bad because I thought about you and you like don't look as hot as me on a paddleboard and I feel bad. I felt really bad for you because your mom is dying and, you know, I was looking at Vicki and Vicki's like 50. It's like Vicki's mom was finally old enough for me to marry her and then she died and it just made me think that's so sad. I just feel bad because your mom's about to die and I feel bad because I'm going to throw at everything she's left for you. I'll buy this one. It's going to love me. I'm so cool. I'm going to buy totally new things from all the other moms, so she has more to choose from when her dad dies. So nice, Megan. That is so thoughtful of you. But then I was thinking that I don't feel bad for you because I'm going to decorate the home in a Tuscan style and you'll feel like you're in Tuscany. So that's good. You know, when your mother dies and I'm still here, I just want you to remember that she wasn't the one who bought the ceramic chef cookie jar from Ross. That was me. I just want you to know that you're a beautiful girl, but not as beautiful as me. That's all. During yoga, I like to count because it settles my mind. Why don't you just focus on the bones in my back? Count those. It's like, what the hell, lady? Eat something? You do not need to be paddleboard yoga ink. You need to be out there with the fisherman's net to cap something, put some mustard on it and have yourself a seat. Can't get colon cancer because your stomach is eating your colon. All right, it's starving. When starving people, their bodies just start ingesting their bones and shit. Hashtag stepmomhood. Shut up. You're not that Julia Roberts movie where the mom dies of cancer and you're the hero. It doesn't work out that way in your version. Yeah, she's the Julia Roberts movie with Dr. Jekyll. She's the Julia Roberts movie where you're like, "Don't give her a piece of candy. Don't give her a piece of candy." And then Sally Field starts crying hysterically in the cemetery and then Shirley, I mean, what's her buns offers up Shirley McLean to beat? I think she's the Julia Roberts movie where Julia Roberts plays a prostitute and that's it. She's the Julia Roberts movie where she goes in to buy new clothes in Beverly Hills because she doesn't want to wear the ex-wives clothes, but then they don't let her. She's the Julia Roberts movie where she goes in to Steinmar and is like, "I'll have all of your Florida leaves, please." And they're like, "I'm sorry. We can't help you." She's big mistake, huge, huge. She's from that Julia Roberts movie where Julia Roberts goes to a restaurant mass for water and they give her a tap water and she's like, "This isn't filtered. You're killing children. I'm going to sue you with my bra strap showing." She's from that Julia Roberts movie where she actually dies and goes into a different realm and then she comes back and she's like a little weird after that. She's like, "I saw your mom." We're going back. Mystic pizza. Listen, there's nothing mystic about pizza, okay? Dangerous. I would never make that movie. She's from that Julia Roberts movie where she goes in the kitchen and she sees that her husband has arranged all the canned goods in a very specific way. And if she wants to survive, she'd better get out of there. She's like, "He doesn't beat me, but he doesn't let me replace all the dish towels either." Sleeping with the baseball player. Sleeping with the enemy's quilt. I want my own quilt. What? Because the enemy is the XY. She's from the Julia Roberts movie where she does really bad karaoke and then someone else does it better. Wait, wasn't that Gwyneth Paltrow? No, no, no. That was when she tries to make Cameron Diaz look bad. I think Cameron Diaz sings Bad Karaoke. And then everyone loves how Bad Cameron Diaz sings the Kara Bad Karaoke and my best friend. Wait, wasn't that lost in translation? What's that movie? Which one are you talking about? My best friend's wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, "I'm that Julia Roberts movie where Julia Roberts gets on a horse and keeps running away. But then finally Richard Gere is there with like three different XY's wardrops for her so she stays." I'm like that Julia Roberts movie where I'm like being chased around London and then I spill orange juice on a British guy. I'm just a girl standing in front of a guy asking to throw out all his XY's stuff. And then my husband blew a tranny and his career was over. We're already fucking loopy and we're just starting. I'm like that Julia Roberts movie where I go to Las Vegas and I just steal everything from the casino and put it in Jimmy's house and get rid of my Indiana Texas stuff. Hashtag Oceans19. Hashtag I want to do paddleboard yoga in Oceans 11. You guys, if they had paddleboard yoga when Buddha was alive he wouldn't have been fat. Hashtag stepmomhood. Hashtag my back hurts when I sit down against something. Hashtag runaway yoga paddleboard. Hashtag if this was the old days people could wash their clothes on my back bones. Hashtag I'm like that Julia Roberts movie where I was hanging out on the beach with Justine Bateman. Hashtag satisfaction. Alright Heather and Lizzie. Heather okay Heather. You know you're the most boring person on the show. If the only person you can talk to is Lizzie okay. Hey girl I've been eating calamari at the bar for the past three hours thanks for stopping by. Hey girls my birthday I'm glad she showed up nobody else did. I got us another appetizer. Whoa thanks for having me whoa eating at the bar this is crazy a chair at the bar. Whoa I'm eating at the bar just like the people just like the regular people. Lizzie's like don't worry about being late I drew like five different bathing suits on the cocktail napkins. Got a whole summer line coming out. Look I've drawn a new bikini Heather there's a top and a bottom and they're both lines. Wow that's art. Just so you know the sushi chef cut his finger just like I did last year. Oh my god it's totally gonna make the show. So Heather was telling Lizzie about Vicky's mom dying and Heather was trying to cry. Heather is the worst actress okay. Heather's like trying to cry but God bless her. Her durable her durable Botox will not let her so her ears are like leaking and she's like Lizzie you should have seen it. We are playing Bunko and the Vicky let out this cry this guttural cry. It was like the depths of her soul scream. I was like how could you even hear that over Shannon going Bunko David David David David. Like no one even heard Vicky okay. No one heard Vicky yeah exactly. She was like it sounded worse than Coco being told she wasn't allowed to throw the vase on the ground. I think I said this last week but it came into my head again last night. It's like on 4th of July when there's a bunch of fireworks and then everybody goes out and they're like wow there's fireworks let's shoot each other no one will hear us. That's what it was like it's like Vicky Vicky's mom died and no one can hear over the sand. I love when Shannon went crazy about Bunko but as we said last week I loved it even more when she was like come on Bunko come on Bunko I don't know no Bunko. Never mind of course David David why is there no Bunko. By the way I was when I was looking at on Amazon last night I totally came across a Bunko game and I was like oh should I get it. What game? Bunko. Bunko. Dies isn't it don't you just roll dice and keep score isn't it like yachty or something. I think so I mean based on Shannon's tutorial that's what I think it is. It's called Bunko Party. Shannon's tutorial is just an exercise in Bipolarism. I'm kind of gonna kill myself on dying inside. Bunko. Of course I can't read a damn thing I said but oh Tamara. Isn't this crazy mom. My grandbaby is being born on the same day that Vicky's mom is being buried and I was like if that's karma if I've ever heard it. Vicky's mom's gonna come crawling out of that vagina. You know that if there's ever a case for reincarnation karma it's right now. I think Vicky's mom had the right idea she's like shit another Tamara spawns coming into this world. See ya time to go. You know the wars are bad the racism is bad but Tamara having another child by I'm dead. The Tamara just want that Vicky to come out going. I did not have a prison. I'll tell you what's gonna come out like. Gamma. Yes. Stupid. Shut up. You're stupid. Please reincarnate Vicky's mother into that baby here. I would love that. I would love that. Alright what else did we have there? Mom plant. Oh good. So then we had the worst part. Okay so Megan is doing this whole oh the lady in the wig is dying and now I'm being nice to the kids so she'll love me and then the kids a total bitch to her. Oh my god that daughter was such a brat. Oh Megan rents some hotel room with Jim's money and God knows where they were on the beach before her. They went to the courtyard by Marriott and basically like we rented out the presidential suite so we have one and a half rooms. And basically yeah that girl. Oh my god total brat. I had to take Megan's side on this one. Oh yeah that girl was a little bit. She was mad because she forgot her dress and then the mom's like oh that's my kid she forgot her dress. And then the kid's like whatever mom. Yeah. She's like well we know you realize that we rented out an entire suite for you and hired a photographer and are paying for all your hair and your dress and your makeup. Whatever. Whatever has stupid. Did you forget my medication too? I'm like oh my god so she forgot your Adderall and your dress. God help us. And then Megan's like cuddling with her on a couch like you should be nice to your mother because she has cancer. And she's like I don't care. All right. Cancer doesn't dress me. Okay. Cancer does not have enough glitter for the winter formal. I can't wear her cancer to winter formal. And her mom's like sorry Jesus Christ lady. Oh God. Yeah so she's all upset and then when the dress finally did arrive I was like your mother was doing you a favor. Yeah. She's trying not to fight with you but she's really telling you you look like you're dressed by dillards. Okay. She's trying to help you here. Yeah it was like one step up from like a construction worker uniform. It's like if I could do one thing for my daughter before she goes it's to save her winter formal pictures. And then she wand and then she's like I can't believe my mom wants to get in the winter formal pictures. Doesn't even have anything to do with you. Shut up. Oh I'm grateful. I'm grateful winter formal. Bitch. Who's a jackal now? We're like and then we don't like. But I like that we're like we can't believe Andy Cohen would call a 16 year old jackal but we're like this stupid bitch 17 year old bitch. Oh yeah. I don't have a problem with calling 16 year old's assholes. They are. I mean Jesus I was an ass. I still am and I still am the 16 year asshole on the inside. I just have less hair. Darling. Yeah. Darling. 16 year old is a jackal. I'm not going to say jackal. I can't even make myself. Darling. Darling. Don't leave your post, darling. Chef Penny, quick emergency. We have to send all the tuna tartar that we can find. Send it down to Orange County. It could be the last time this poor woman has it. Send it now to the courtyard by Marriott. Get it there now. You see a skinny wench on a pedal board. You know you've got it in the right place. Get there. And then Megan's all man. She's like teenagers are jerks. I mean to think that that girl is like two years away from being able to marry my husband. She's like shut up Megan. You're talking about Miss 30 year old. Miss 30 year old. Oh well. Miss 30 year old. Then we have Vicki sobbing without tears again. This whole show. It's been a week now. And why won't you wake up? Why won't you wake up? She should be awake by now. She should be awake by now. Why won't you wake up? Now listen. Far be it for me to make fun of a woman in mourning. But it was one thing last week when it was like the shock of it had struck Vicki and she was saying crazy things. But now it's been a few days and for her to keep saying. When she's supposed to wake up it's supposed to be awake by now. Like this is not right. Like she's supposed to be awake. Wake her up Billy. Wake wake her up. Wake her up. Who's in the box? What's in the box? What's in the box? Stop pressing the snooze on mom. It's time to wake up. Stop snoozing mom. Yeah it's a little bit much. Especially when she's not really crying. I mean I feel for her. I do feel for her. I mean I feel terrible for her because she's very close to her mother. But I mean that's a strange way of grieving. A strange way of grieving. She needs to get us all on TV ten years. You just get different. She needs to get us all on to a paddle board. Jackio darling. Jackio is like I will not cry in public. Also she was probably like that cheating son of a bitch. But anyway. Jackio was like you know classy women don't do this in public darling. Even though she's not Lisa Vanderpump. But not this show. We've sure taken down those band boundaries. When is she gonna wait? Hi just calling to see if mom's awake from her nap. What do you mean she's still not awake? Oh my god. Who's gonna forget my winter formal dress? Who's gonna forget my medication? That's terrible. Sorry. Sorry if anybody's mom died. All of us will soon. And it's gonna suck for everybody. And I promise not to come on this show and pretend to cry about it. And ask why she's not awake from her nap. I don't think Vicki is pretending to cry. I don't think she's pretending to cry. But I think she's out of her mind right now with grief. And it's making her a crazy woman. Like really crazy. And so then what I thought was sort of the my takeaway was that they cut to Shannon. type of it type of it. And she and David came in from parental meeting. And what was eating? It's a father meeting. That's right. It's a father conference. Your father and I just come back from a father conference. We were looking at our from gravestones. But what was first that Shannon said to her daughters like did you send Aunt Vicki a text? I'm like what Vicki is at quote unquote ant level now? Like they've known each other for a year and she's aunt Vicki. Jesus. Vicki owns a business. That's how we that's how we have ants in Orange County. Okay. Some people have them by birth and we have them by business owners. David. Vicki became her Vicki became your auntie at the latest chamber of commerce meeting in Orange County. She brought a chandelier. She brought a chandelier to the meeting and I thought you know what she could be an ant. Another ant see ya. I can this weekend. We're very excited because Vicki and I are going to go see Ant-Man. I think it's going to be about our friendship. David. David. David. Where are you going? So they just get back from some father conference and the kids are like great. She's like well your father's done great on his poster board. He's getting better at that soon. He'll be able to join a science fair. Your father's going to learn to be a father any day now. David. Yeah. And then David's like yeah well you know it was really difficult because your mom was mad at me last night and then in the middle of the night. And then this morning and then at breakfast and then at lunch and then all the way there and then throughout the afternoon and at night. Still mad at me. It's like David. I don't appreciate that David. How'd your day go today? I went better tonight because you know mommy was upset with me yesterday and last night in this morning. Pretty much all day today because I didn't respect her. And as Shannon's looking furious. So she's mad at me all day. David. Well there's a little bit more than that so let's not exaggerate it. That's not a David. That's not a David. That's not fair to do to me. I think this is not fair David. You see your father. Look at what your father's doing right now. We learned that some fathers insert their penises into vaginas to make babies and some fathers just insert negative thoughts into mothers to make them crazy. And that's what your father's inserting. Disrespect him. That's not a full statement David. David. David. David. Please do not insert a negative thought into me David. We just got back from the father conference David. David. Well the best part is that when we find out what the father conference was really about. It's that Shannon very innocently merely asked David to compile a list of every single restaurant he took his mistress to. She's like because you know you know I've had a negative thought David. And I can't think of restaurants that you may have brought your mistress to. And we have friends. Like her reasoning made no sense. She's like well because you know I can't look like this. You know I have friends and restaurants. I need to know the restaurants. I just can't be taken by a surprise. What are you talking about? I don't want to be eating an awesome blossom. If David has dipped his his awesome at that blossom first. I just don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. And with as many affairs as he has who knows. I could be at a restaurant tipping his mistress. I'm not giving up 15% to a mistress. I'm putting my foot down David. I want to know that this ultimate feast is the ultimate feast. And that you have not shared an ultimate feast with some how from Dustin. There I said it David. Listen we are not taking the kids to hometown Slut Bay. And tell you make a list of the restaurants that you've eaten at David. That's it. David. David. I want to know. I want to know. I'm the only woman you take to the round table. David. David. If I go to Red Lobster and order crabs and I get them again. I'm going to kill you David. That's not funny. All right. It's not funny. David the only claim that I want you to have a claim jumper is on me. Okay. David. David. Oh my God. So the other thing that I was laughing at is in the clip you just played when he's like, well your mother was mad at me for every minute of the day. Because I didn't have enough respect to call her when I said I would. And she's like, well it's a little bit more than that David. Is it? Is that your fight? You went to a father conference because David didn't call you last night on his way home. And knowing after last week when Shannon was talking to her friend and she's like, well, you know, yeah. And she was like, oh, the affair was six months, right? And she's like, oh, well it's been six months since he's had one. I mean, it's been two years since then. Well, Jesus is every restaurant in town. What are you only going to go picnic now? Yeah. Exactly. How are you going to move forward if you were now making a make list about restaurants? This is not how you do it. You have to just move on, Shannon, either move on or accept the idea fair and that you may wind up in the same geographical area that he brought the mistress. Listen, David. If it's legal now for restaurants to start posting calories on their menu, I think that it should be legal for you to start posting how many waitresses you've swallowed. All right. I'm not going to eat on the menu without that description. Thank you. David. David, where are you going? Where's the garage door opening? David, why are you closing that door? David. David. Why are you closing the slide door? David. Oh, yeah. It's not an elevator. David, did you take your mistress into an elevator? David. David, is this the mistress room? Is there room for the mistresses? We can't come in here anymore. I need a list of every single type of room you ever walked into with your mistress. I want to know what type of sheets, what was the thread count on the sheets that you fucked your mistress on, David? David. That's it. Everyone's getting t-shirt sheets. David, I want to know about the lighting. Were there chandeliers involved? Because we have a big one in the house and I can't go out of it. That was amazing when he's like, okay, kids, we're going to be talking over here. We're going to close the door now. David, were you closing the door, David? David, is that symbolic? The daughter's like, you're fucking crazy. Oh, Shannon. And then that whole scene where she goes over to Vicki's house. And she's like, hey, Vic, how are you doing? And they're both kind of stumbling around like really old ladies and Shannon's wearing her reading glasses, and they're just kind of old ladies together. And Vicki's like, oh, you know, my mom's still dead. Do you want some water or something? I don't know. I brought some water. I brought it in my purse. I don't know. I don't want to accuse you of not filtering your water. You know, fight, fight, fight. It's in my purse. Oh, okay. You want some water? I brought my water. All right. I brought a lime rind. It's supposed to bring peacefulness to your house. Do you want some water? Okay. I've got my water. Stop that now. And Vicki or Shannon, what was she offering her? She's like, this will be her stress. Yeah. This is like lemon water. And because like, oh, yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you. It's mom. I think mom would like this. She was mom wake West. Can you make up mom Shannon? Shannon's like, here, you have to take this grief medicine orally. I would keep it for myself, but David did a lot of oral things with his mistresses. And I'm no longer taking anything orally. Vicki, my one request is that you save some for David when he attends my funeral. Again, and the hotel. I've got the gravestone still saved up. Please make sure that he uses the original poster board and not the second poster board. The second poster board was much ruder than the first. He got really, he got really literate with that glitter pen the second time around. So then Vicki started talking about how she saw a median quote unquote median. She's like, oh, yeah, I saw a median and there was a bird packing and the medium was like, oh, would you have, have you, has there been a packing bird recently? And she's like, oh, yeah, it's like, well, that's your dad's like, is there a crooked paint? Is there a crooked photo in your, in your house? Like, oh, yeah, it's pictured my dad. Yeah, that means your dad moved it for you. And Vicki's like, oh, wow, like it just all makes sense. I'm like, what? It's the most generic thing ever. Be like, have you noticed the bird? Is there something that's crooked? Oh, yeah, your dad did that. What? Also when Vicki goes, you know, seeing a median and seeing all that stuff from, from my dad, you know, I got to ask myself, would this be okay with God? I'm like Vicki, how many times have you been divorced? How many faces have you had? You don't have anywhere near the same boobs you have. I know that's not technically in the Bible. But if adorning yourself with too much gold and shit is in the Bible, I'm sure saline sacks wouldn't be, you know, too far behind. Get over yourself. Since when are you worried about it? Yeah, I'm on Vicki. You're on Vicki. In your laws, Vicki. She's like, well, you know, okay, the divorce, you know, divorce my doors. I don't know. I hope I don't know. I thought I helped her talk into a median. Oh my God. Yeah. I just wanted to know why the streets always have to be so divided. Why do they put so many mediums in the streets? She's like, no Vicki, I think you mean a median. The thing that's in the middle of the street, Vicki's like, I know what I was talking to. I was talking to the planter in the middle of the highway. I was in a crosswalk in the middle of the highway. Like going, wait, wait, wait, my God, that's what my dad used to say. I was in the, I was in the median and I was looking at the flower, but I was like, this is the smallest park I've ever seen in my life. 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For Hers.com/crapins, Hers weight loss is not available everywhere, compounded products are not FDA-approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality, prescription required restrictions apply. By the way, how many blind people died because those fucking crosswalks weren't yelling, "Wait." I don't know. Wait. Well, I know the funniest thing to me is when those crosswalks, to signal that it's time to walk, they play like bird noises, I don't think that's helpful. Either you're not going to notice because it sounds like birds, or you're going to hear a bird and be like, "Okay, it's time to walk." Of course, I made the blind person Vicki, by the way. You're just going to be like, "Why is that blind person throwing breadcrumbs at a crosswalk?" All these birds are getting fun over. There's so many crosswalks. So many crosswalks. Every time I think I've made it across the street, I hear the birds again, I just keep on walking. I hate to stick someone in a blind person in an aviary. Oh, gosh. This is traffic. They must be so furious. They've been stopped for so long. They're all the blind people are Vicki. I'd like to add. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Now, do I have? Will I make it across in 20 seconds, or will I? Oh, this is stressful. I wish my dad was here. Wait. Hi, Dad. Oh, God, my dad's here. Have you seen any crosswalks recently? Yes. Oh, that's your dad. Oh, great. Had the crosswalk time went gone from a walking man to then a flashing hand. That's your dad saying, "Hold on a second." Oh, gosh. I'll be right there. Oh, gosh. Even my dad doesn't approve of Brooks. It's like, "Don't do not." It's like, "Talk to the hand." I keep seeing signs everywhere. They're red, and they're octagonal, and they're from my dad saying, "Stop. Stop with Brooks." And I say, "I can't stop." I've gotten just so many accidents since. Hmm. I can't stop thinking of my dad when I see those octopus signs, like an octagon picking. I don't know what I said. And then we cut to Tamara, who's also talking about Vicki's mom dying. She's like, "Mom, this is like, I wouldn't have cared if you died when you were still a batch. But now that we're friends, I'd be really sad if you died." And she's like, "I mean, Vicki's mom had explicit instructions on how to fare. I mean, who does that? Like, you just become 80, and then you're like, "Okay, here's how I want to die." And the mom's like, "You know what I always say. Just cremate me." And she's like, "Okay." And she's like, "Well, do you batch?" Her mom's like, "That's why in our family we believe in teen pregnancy. That way you can be around with your kids longer." She's like, "I'm 43 and I'm a great grandmother." The feels more evil today than usual. We are very evil. There's the dead person. I think so. We're making fun of cancer, dead people. We're sorry everyone. It was like, "Yay, we made it 200 episodes, now we're going to be real nasty." By the way, I have to give one. One of our listeners, Kelsey Sparks posted this on our Facebook page. It was a picture of Ryan getting his baby. And the funny thing is, it was clearly they were not allowed to bring cameras into parts of the hospital because Kelsey caught this and put a screen cap up on the page. And there's a picture of Ryan holding the baby through a glass door. And next to it is a sign that says, "Storage employees only." So they basically made a storage closet look like a delivery room. Oh lord, this show is hilarious. Love it. Tamara's Christian, she didn't say anything about Christianity, by the way, so I'm not making fun of that, but her whole like, "I'm a nice person now" to her is just so funny. She's like, "Hi, Bix. For me, I'm just coming by to say sorry about your mom, Batch." And Bicky's like, "Yeah, well, you have to be nice to me now, because my mom likes you. I don't even know why it says. She's being mean to me." And her mom would say, "Oh, really, Tamara? Why y'all being mean?" And I'd say, "I don't know!" And she'd be like, "Oh, your mom is such a Batch." She's like, "I know, Tamara." What is this friendship? I know. I know. And then Brooks has lost weight. So he comes in and look, I felt bad when I saw that Brooks has lost so much weight because I was like, "Oh, we've been making fun of him possibly lying about his cancer," right? Because it's Brooks. Like, you never make fun of cancer, but of course you make fun of like idiots who pretend they have it to get on TV and who have also used this excuse with other XY's before and who knows if he really has it. I know. I don't believe him. Anyway, he came on and I was like, "Oh my God, he's lost weight. Either I need to get cancer or start shoving coffee at my ass." One of the two is about to start happening because he looks so thin. He does. He does look thin. A few Brooks. Maybe your cancer is real. Or maybe it's the coffee animal, whatever it is. You look great. I've never seen somebody. Somebody with cancer looks so healthy. So well done. You're looking great. Only and only with that would getting cancer be like, "Oh, congratulations, best diet ever. There's a waiting list." Yeah. It's like after I had a vicious bout of pneumonia five years ago, I lost like 35 pounds or 40 pounds and span of three weeks. Everyone was like, "Ban, you look great. What have you been doing?" I'm like, "Nimonia." Well, you know I go up 100 pounds every. I go up and down 100 pounds probably like every five years. And whenever I'm on the downslope, people go, "Oh my God, you look so great. Are you sick?" Like they all have like AIDS in their eyes. They all have like AIDS eyes. I'm like, "No, stop, people." Jesus, that's so rude. And it's rude to just assume that a gay guy would have AIDS before anything else, a) and b) it's rude to compliment me and then without even finishing your sentence suggest I have AIDS. Like pick a path, people, all right? Jesus. Yeah, it's very LA. We were going to go to Disneyland. I don't know why, yeah. Um, oh yeah, because Vicki was going to go to Disneyland with her, with her mom. Oh, yeah. But we were going to go to Disneyland, wake up mom. And then Brooks is like, "Guys, I think we all need to pray." Yeah. "Dear Lord, rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub." Hey God, Vicki's like, "Brok, you are not eating a sandwich." She's like, "Yes, I am." "No, you're not, Brooks." "Yes, I am." He's like, "Lord, please help the world, help racism, help Vicki be okay with every thing and, uh, please send us a side of case to when you're dead." Thank you, Lord. I mean, dear Lord, help Vicki, help Tamara, help all the people in this world. And if you could, could you find me a park place piece for my McDonald's monopoly? Thank you very much. You're not eating that, Brooks. All right. Are you not, Brooks? Hell, I am, it's Monopoly Tom, which by the way, that's me. That's me. Every fall, I go crazy monopoly. Lord, I would, uh, you know, I've, I've learned to look behind clouds for silver linens and you know, I wasn't happy when you took Vicki's mom, but I am ecstatic to have a week alone in the house. So, yay, God. Love, Brooks. All right. I think that's pretty much it for the episode. Should we go on to marriage to medicine? Is it? Is it? Oh, there was just some other Heather stuff. Who cares? She did nothing. Yeah, she did nothing. It was so stupid. It's like with Coco, like, I think that Coco, I think Coco gets off on withholding a fashion to Terry. I'm like, no, she's just a spoiled brat. Get over it. And also where would she get that? Yeah. She's like, Coco is withholding information from, or Coco is withholding all emotional response from Terry until she gets a house. Yeah. Building through the cabinets wasn't enough. It's a bedroom. We need an entire house for her. I have my kids doing a model house. Look, it's only 3,000 square feet. I just tell them kids, that's how poor people live. I'm one of you. We bought out of Costco and we're turning into Coco's new playroom. So okay. So... Oh, marriage to medicine. Marriage to meds. Marriage to meds. Wow, as fresh as married to medicine is and has always been. It's actually at least fun right now. It has not been good this year, but this episode was so funny to me. Were you laughing or did you just go? It was a little dull at first, but then it started to pick up. It started to pick up steam. I think though it was not so much the episodes fault. I think it was me. I wasn't in the mood to watch it. So I was watching it in like 15 minutes first. But it was still entertaining. I definitely took some things down that made me chuckle. Ooh! Don't threaten me with a good time. Note taker. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So we opened with another useless montage of these women doing nothing. I know. Yeah. I love their like cheap public domain pop music that they got. It's like doing things, doing things, getting up and doing things, making it happen-ooh-ooh. And it's nothing. Yeah. It's definitely like checking the air on her tires. You got tires, but you got air on the tires. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you check the tires. Just look, it's just the hair of the tires. No. No. No. After that ridiculous sex, never having sex in the city, opening montage, we moved to Jackie Fatshaming. Okay. No diet has ever worked with some skinny woman with glare-hustiful voice coming up to you and just being mean to you. But it's not how diet works, Jackie, okay? Exactly. Although I did feel bad because the other night I did pull a Dr. Jackie move because our friend, you know our friend Jack, you know our friend Jack, he, I was hanging out with him and Angie and David and everything and I brought some peanut butter cups over and then he immediately was like, I want some, I want some and then I wouldn't let him have any because, which is a real dick move, but I felt, I felt like I was entitled to do that because, because poor Jack is always posting about how he's trying to stay away from candy. So I was like, if I'm going to have to read these posts, I'm not going to let you have candy, right? Well, that's why you never put your diet status on Facebook. That's the thing you can do. I know. It really is. Because then everybody's like, oh my gosh, so the diet's down, right? My share is dislike button. It's like shut the fuck up. You know, you don't want to invite people into your addictions and your issues. I know, but then I felt so bad because Jack is so sweet. So sweet and cuddly. I was like, oh, I wanted to give it to him. Yeah. You should have. I know. I was being an asshole. Sorry, Jack. Um, I'm sorry, Jack. I would have liked you had one. Well, to be fair, he had, he had three. So I was just cutting him off. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Um, speaking of cutting people off, I'm going to cut you off. I was just bringing up candy again because, of course, Jackie starts going through all the drawers. And she's like, I have a feeling there is something bad in that drawer. And I was just hoping it would become, but it wasn't, it was a candy drawer, it's full on candy. Well, it's rich people having like gum drawers and candy drawers. There's something sort of unsettling also about a drawer of loose candy, right? Like, it's one thing to have like a jar of candy or a bowl of candy or a bag, but something about a drawer, it's all like rolling around is a little strange to me, you know? It's like your mom's old half smoked Benson and hedges and some pennies. Yeah. It's like, if you open up a drawer, I can't explain. Yeah. Like imagine I'll be a bit drawing. There's like some loose paperclips and staples and things. It just feels disorganized. I don't know. It bothered me. So funny. I like that we'll spend half an hour on a candy drawer. What kind of candy was in there? But I love Simone. I don't care how original Simone gets, but she is so funny to me always. She's like, what are you even doing here? I look fine. Go to heavenlies. Yeah. She's better than me. God. That was great. Well, well, Simone and Heavenly love throwing shade at each other back and forth, whenever they can, but like in a fun way, which is what's great. Yeah, they have fun with it. You know, and Jackie, of course, she's there to like talk about her non-diet diet plan. Like she has no diet plan really, except to shame fat people. Yeah. So I don't even know what she's talking about, but she's like, all right, we've done my diet plan scene. Let's sit down on the couch now and let's talk about the disrespectful way these women folk were acting on this show. Yeah. You know, starts going into this whole thing and she's like, I wouldn't expect Lisa Nicole to act like that, but you know, there's two sides to every person. And as long as the person on the outside of Lisa Nicole is within a healthy weight range, I don't care what the fat bitch inside her says. Thank you. Thank you. Oh God, stupid Jackie, stupid, stupid Jackie. She's too smart to be acting so ridiculous. She is, but she knows it's ridiculous. She's like sighing and rolling her eyes whenever she has to actually talk about the other women on the show. I know. She's just like, I'm just here to sell a diet plan. A two page diet plan. It just says, don't eat fatty over and over again. She's just working for that book deal. She's working for it for her commercial fit is the new it. It's so stupid. Fit is the new it shit is the new it fit it fit it fit it fit it fit it fit it much Jackie fit it. Yeah. But David David. Why isn't why am I not the new right David David? David. The new it. I want to know every walking path that your mistress of taking David because I'm not talking there with my fit fit anymore, David. So then so Jackie came over and was talking to some of the candy drawer, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And then I think the next major thing that happened was that we saw quad. Quad had a giant bandage on her face if she just been stabbed with a saber. Oh my Lord. And you know, Victoria called that right away. She's like, you know, she sit over there with the bandage bigger than a house. I'm sure it have quads like quads got this bandage covering half her face and she's like, you would not believe what that woman did to me victimize me like a fire in a house storm. It's like, what makes no sense. She came after me like some cottage cheese at a bowling alley. What? I'm like zero cents and you got to love that the husband is just like, well, you shouldn't have been doing that to her. You shouldn't have talked to her like that. You started it. Exactly. Well, I love that he, he actually was not taking her shit. He was like, you know, there are people who need to be using the emergency rooms resources. He's like, and she's like, she's like, what do I need to have to happen? Cause an eyeball have to fall out and roll around the floor for people to have pity on me. Like, no, he's like, what you had was like pretty minor, like, you know, there are people who need the emergency rooms. Scratch. Cause I give a scratch. People need that emergency room. He was mad. But what I don't understand is why he as a therapist doesn't say, you know, quad, we're starting to see a pattern of behavior here. And maybe we have to look at maybe something that you are bringing to the situation and said he's just like, you shouldn't even ask it that way. It was embarrassing. Yeah. I was embarrassed as a doctor. It embarrassed the whole medical community. It's like you've been on the show three years now. Okay. That, that does not fly anymore. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, he's a therapist and sometimes people are just in love with their work and they marry it. Yeah. And that's it. Shannon was probably a fan of, yeah, Shannon was, I don't know, probably obsessed with like cheating at monopoly or something. She married her work. Who knows? These people are all crazy, but quad having a fit and then being like the nastiest thing to me. She said I was a lesbian. Can you believe that? So let's not forget that. Let's not forget. She's like, well, you do have a lot of Katie Lang CDs. The nerve, the nerve. The other important revelation that came out of this episode is that we learned that Toyo's kid's been selling applesauce. A little stealing applesauce, these are applesauce bam, no more applesauce. They told me no more Mobby juice because I called one of them eating the applesauce and they made it and I said, no. And then he said, no more Mobby juice. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm just going to start drinking out of jars so they don't notice. Yeah. What I should have did is put the alcohol in the applesauce. And then I take the applesauce from them and I can drink the alcohol. I started putting the alcohol into pre-sud pouches so they won't know what it is. You know that they'll drink out of that. Put it in a more child-friendly cup of the idiot. Who do you think you are, the applesauce drug gazar? I have came here to take the applesauce from you and put it in the ambulance. The ambulance. It's a notorious stupid water disgusting- Oh yeah, she threw when you throw water at someone's face, that is the most disgusting thing you can do to a person. I'm like, she actually threw a glass at your face afterwards. Yeah. How is the water more disgusting? I love that the thing that kills a gremlin is what ultimately offends quad. I know. I could have melted. If this was ours, I could have melted. This one had killed Gizmo. And then you tried to feed me after midnight. Don't tell me Phoebe case can't have a job. I am going to get into my Barbie dream car and I'm going to drive right on out of you. And then we got a scene with Simone pretending that she spends any time with the twin Erkals, which she never does because she's like- Oh, I love the twin Erkals. Boy, how are you doing playing basketball? I'm just here to ask about your homework. Thank you. We're not. Get out of here with your Maserati. You just got here. You're here for five minutes. Do not front, please. She's like, guys, I just, they're like, we have to make a family tree, mom. She's like, well, you know, the main branch on that tree is drunk and I don't know how you're going to put that. I'm like, you don't need to put that on a family tree. It's like, this is my mother. This is my mother. She's a doctor. This is my father. He's a doctor. This is my grandfather. He drinks. His favorite drink is Jack Daniels. He also masturbates in parks. It's like, you don't need to put that, just put his name. I love Simone with her kids, though, because her kids seem so nice and she's good with them. I love Simone. Yeah, I do too. I just call them the twin Erkals and say she doesn't spend time with them because one minute, she's like, I'm never home. All I do is spend time at work and I can't even pay the bills because I'm broke. And then the next season, she's like, here I am on the sidelines of the basketball court talking to Erkals while driving a Maserati when last year I couldn't pay my rent. Shut up, Simone. I'm talking to Erkals. Oh, geez. What else happened in this one? Me and Jill are milk. Oh, Toya. Me. Oh, that was a high school teacher. That's how we teach grandma, you say, me and Jill and her and me, we run someplace. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. They want to go to the strip club and they're calling all the girls and she's like, hey, Lisa, the cold. You want to go to strip club and Lisa Nicole's like, that's the meaning to all the women that Aaron has sex with. She's. And Toria goes, I was a teacher of the high school and I could tell you, some girls dream of being on that pole makes me sad for the educational system in many, many different ways. Many ways. Like what's sadder that women in Atlanta, young, young women in Atlanta dream of being strippers or that Toria was allowed to teach high school? Yeah, exactly. I can only imagine what she was teaching. Oh, students, I have a little social spot is now. This is my, okay, four score seven years ago, something happened. Why was it? You look right over there, uh, uh, I want to be a stripper. Correct. That's what it was. Well, Zojima, who did Toria. Well, just take a look at the phone and out of flowers it made and then when we got here, there was all these Indians and, and we was like, no, it smells like curry. So then we killed them. And now we owe the bear go when the pilgrims came to Plymouth Rock, they were like, this is great music. Let's make a country. I love Plymouth Rock. So now it's a job. We saw all the Indians on total polls and that's where Strippy began. It's from the dawn of time. Eve was a stripper. That's why they named the state Massachusetts because everyone to masses like I want to choose stripping. So miles of chooses it. Mouse chooses. Oh my God. You know why the White House is called the White House? Because it's a house that's why and the strip is inside. That's why there's a pole in front of the White House and that's what the flags always are because people say they got a flag when they get horny at the White House. Every time there's an election, they have all those polls. It's because the strippers are out. There's some of the strippers to get voting on the polls. It's good for America. So then we move on to Lisa Nicole having a meeting. No, Toya did not get that from a private investigator. She must have gotten that in that inside information from somebody in my office. Somebody must have gone through my computer and seeing the files about Darren's illegitimate son. What files did you have on your computer that you found to talk about an illegitimate child and Mr. Sis, Lisa Nicole. And congratulations for not keeping a password on your work computer. Good job. By the way, by the way, she's so dumb. She's so dumb by the way. If someone saw off the computer, she thinks it's one of her employees, do you realize you have like a team of producers that are all up in your business at all times or trying to find her on you any chance they get? I mean, let's not be ridiculous. And then you just got all the employees over being terrified of your wire hanger facing the wrong way, Rant. And now you're yelling at them all and accusing them all of being liars and then leaving. How would that foster any kind of allegiance to you? Well, I love that first woman because when they were all sitting around there and one guy's like, well, somebody's got to fess up and one was, wasn't me, not me at all. I didn't do it. So I never touched your computer. So take me out of the conversation. I will find justice. I will find out who did this. I will find out who was on my computer, under my username, looking through things. How are you going to find that out, stupid? If you look at your computer records, it's going to say that you were the dumbass signed in on there. Dump. Stupid. I'll find out. She probably got an email from the private investigator that was like here to save all your personal stuff, email it to this link and I'll be put in a vault and she's like, okay. He knows it's in. This is like Wikileaks and the terrorists will pay. Wow. Well, you know, we're going to start going up to a size 14 and a lease in the coal collection. That is private. Well, we all know in Wikileaks that Julian Assange was a great stripper who, who let everyone know about everything happening in all the strip clubs in America. I just love that Lisa Nicole has some master file on her computer that talks about all of Darren's babies littered all over the world and all the random vaginas he's had sex with. I know. So crazy. And I'm loving this Lisa Nicole, by the way, because she crazy now. Now she's great. She's gone real crazy. So then it's time to go to the strip club. I didn't get behind a crazy woman. Always. Go to the strip club. And in this case, Jill basically doesn't have enough money to get a proper party bus. So she gets some like Craig's list Etsy party bus. That's a school bus painted black, it's so bad. Yeah, that was pretty bad. The women on this show are so funny. Heavenly was killing me. I never do a strip club before, what is the what is the strip club smell like girl? And some joy is like ass. And then she opens her legs and puts her vagina in heavenly space. Heaven's having these like, Oh, I hate the smell of ass. Sorry. You want to smell some ass girl? You got that club. They smell like an unlocked smell of ass. I don't even know. I don't even know what heavenly's talking about half the time. Oh, I laugh every single time. Yeah. No, she. No, she's really coming to her own this season for sure. Yeah, she's so funny. Oh my God. Yeah. So they finally go to the strip club and at least some of the goals shows up in this gigantic we're in the world is Carmen San Diego gardening hat. I don't know what that what that funeral has like Carmen San Diego was found dead gardening, you know, in Nicaragua and that was the hat she was wearing. Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't run into the lady from from from Mother Funder is trying to try to tutor some of the strippers or trying to raise some money. She's like, if you just gave 10% of what's in your vagina right now to the schools, we would be able to afford a bowling alley fundraiser. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, so Lisa Nicole gets there and she's hating it because she finds tripping to be very demeaning to women and all this stuff and she gets to do a whole fight with Jill because she's like, she's like, strip is a slave and Jill's like, no, you can't say that. She's like, how can you say they're happy? They're empowered. They're happy. I mean, they both were kind of taking a very extreme position. I think they're both were kind of wrong, but I mean, I do think it's pretty demeaning. You do. I mean, it is demeaning, but at the same time, I also don't think it's slavery. I think it's just like, fine, you know, all right, if you're going to do it, do it. You know, I read until I met so many porn stars because they do that porn star show what I owe. So I've met like a lot of people in porn listening. If they have issues or whatever, I get it we all do, but I don't look at it anymore as a victim thing because no, no, I don't have a pretty empowered, well, I mean, look, if they want to do it, it's fine. I don't care and have fun. And if you feel empowered by it, but then, then that's, that's great. I mean, I do think, you know, it is more on the demeaning side than other things, but I, but it's also, I say that as lightly as possible because that overall, I don't care. You know, I'm saying it's like, whatever, like if you want strip strip, I don't care. Go ahead. Have fun. Just know that I think you have daddy issues. Just know I think you have daddy issues. That's all. Well, when Lisa Nicole said, these girls, you know, these strippers, they have the highest incidence of multiple personality disorder, look, Lisa Nicole is because they use multiple names. Okay. Those aren't really personalities. She's like, have you ever seen the wig room of a stripper's house? It's sad. Well, but I love this heavenly. She's like, I agree with her, but she should have sat in the strip club in front of the hose. She was too. She's like, hi, there. I'm sorry that you're stuck to the ground right now. I'll get a spatula to try and clean that up. Oh, and here's my card in case you ever want to make $10 an hour learning how to put hangers the proper way. What kind of career are you offering these women? They're making $1,000 a night, shoving their tits in somebody's space. Do you honestly think they want to come fold shirts for you for $10 an hour? Get out of here. Well, Lisa Nicole is full of bullshit because she's all about empowering women. She has these like luncheons and these seminars about empowering women. And then as soon as the stripper says, oh, by the way, how's Darren? The very first thing that Lisa does is go after the other women, like, oh, you, the other girl put her up to it. Oh, she did this. No, Darren would never do that. Darren would never come here ever, even though he has cheated a lot and he does like one strip club. He would never come here. Blame the other women. I'm a cameraman, Lisa Nicole. I'm also the one who she also had the nerve to say this in this episode, which is why I'm loving her, by the way, when she was saying, oh, you know, well, we know that stuff happened with Darren. Yes, I hit him. Yes, it was because he was cheating. I told him to leave the house and he wouldn't leave. And so I hit him. So what big deal, you know, eventually we went to therapy and we worked through it. And that's why our marriage is stronger. It's like, how did the editors not cut to just a week ago of her being like, if you want to stop talking about it, how about you stop talking about all the mistresses and the affairs? It's like you can't have it both ways, lady. Yeah. No, she's becoming more and more ridiculous every single week. At least the women on the pole are getting money to do it. Darren was probably just using those vaginas for free and tossing them back in the water like a generous fisherman. It's like you still caught the fish and made its mouth bleed. Okay, you're not nice for throwing it back in the water. Yeah. You were so empowered to women when meanwhile she's married to somebody is demeaning women all across Atlanta, including her stupid face, if there's a demeaned woman with if there's a demeaned woman who needs to learn how to have a little bit of pride and power. It's you girl. You need to look at home first. Yeah. Staying with some man who's cheating on you multiple times is not a good marriage. That's called being a sucka. And if anybody needs some therapy, it's probably you. Yeah, what you should have done was left him after the first time, going back to school or learn something important, like the Cuban Missile Crisis was about missiles that were scared of things. They're like, I don't want to go learn crisis. That's what I learned. It was about a woman they miss all who was scared. Did you know that the bad... It would need to be more empowered. A real empowered woman would be covering her face in a place so people don't recognize her as the woman whose husband they fuck for money. Are we getting to a point here? You want to be in a club to smell like I saw you, you go ahead. It's club nicer than I thought. I mean, girl, I wouldn't hang out here normal, but if you've got a crown and diet, I'm with you. I'll be here. I want to lecture Cheetahs, I learned a lot of things about things. Go back to school and teach people. How ironic that Lisa is being confronted about her Cheetah husband in a club called Cheetah. And she's like, why is even the club sign calling my husband a Cheetah, stop it, everyone needs to stop judging us. And then Joe's like, dick out the honey pot, okay, and then everybody will stop asking for a taste of the sugar. Yeah. It was like, I can't believe you would say these things, like I'm not going to do it. Joe fuck. Shut up. You just got on the show full time, congratulations. Just be happy you didn't wind up on the new Atlanta, okay. You wind up on the second to your Atlanta show, not the third one. Oh Lord, well now, you know, we always called this show an audition for the Real Housewives of Atlanta because it's like such a cheap show. They're like, okay, you can start on married to medicine first. And if you don't shit on the floor, we'll ask you to be on Housewives of Atlanta. But sure enough, now Mariah is the new rumored Neenie, the Lord help us. That would be crazy. For next week, we see pictures of Mariah's new face, doesn't even look the same. She looks like a little Asian girl. I don't even know who that is. She's like a Ms. Saigon community theater reboot. Yeah. And what else happens? I think that's fun enough for me. Good enough. Well, all right, everyone, well, people are calling us lesbians. It's time for us to unite. Yeah. Well, everyone, thank you all for listening. Hopefully we will be hearing and seeing from you very shortly. It's three o'clock now when we've recorded this. That means it'll probably be up on the internet around four. That means you'll be hearing this around 5.30, which means you got 15 minutes before that Google hangout. So oh my God, I hope I make it on time. I'm rushing because I got to do two gigantic bags of laundry before that. Do you think I can do it in three hours and be at your house? You can do it in two hours. Are you crazy? All right, man. Let's see there. I'm late. That's why. All right. I won't be, though. I won't be damn it. You don't. It's just a secret. It's a secret. All right, everyone. Thanks for listening. And thanks for watching our premium sponsors and everyone else. And check out our AMA on Reddit. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Elijah Schlesinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza, our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. To the insurance company that spurned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me. It's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting GEICO. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tears you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to GEICO. Sincerely, not yours, Tara, in Tellyride. GEICO. And it's could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watch what Crap-ins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery App or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. I'm Lindsey Graham, host of Wondery Show American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history, presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our latest series, entrepreneur Lou Perlman becomes the mastermind behind two of the biggest pop groups in the world, the Backstreet Boys, and InSync. He also oversees a sprawling business empire that includes a charter jet company, restaurants and real estate. But Perlman's successful facade crumbles after he sued by the boy bands for siphoning millions from them. And soon, investigators discover that Perlman is keeping his empire afloat through an even more devious scheme. 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