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Get free shipping on qualified orders, see site for more details. Watch what CRAPINSPORTY and CRAPINSPORTY.com. Who cares what happens when there's so much that CRAPINSPORTY. CRAPINSPORTY.com. CRAPINSPORTY.com. CRAPINSPORTY.com. Watch what CRAPINSPORTY. Who cares what happens when there's so much that CRAPINSPORTY. Who cares what CRAPINSPORTY.com. Who cares what happens when there's so much that CRAPINSPORTY. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what CRAPINSPORTY. A podcast about all that CRAP on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mantleker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender and joining me as always, and when I say as always, I mean it's 200 episodes. This is episode 200 of Watch what CRAPINSPORTY. And joining me, that little voice you just heard, is the wonderful, the funny, the just the hilarious Ronnie Karam from trashtalktv.com. Hey Ronnie, what's up? Well, thank you, man. I've sure missed you. I missed you too. I was so upset. I couldn't podcast last week because all the shows were funny, although I still have not caught up on secrets and lives yet, and secrets and wives. And you got to podcast with some of the best people around. You had Amy Phillips from Watch what happens. You had Stephanie Wilder Taylor from crying out loud. Coming out loud beans. Also super funny. And then you snuck in a secret Moll's episode. Oh, I was so jealous. Well, I was so scared when you were leaving because I thought, oh my god, these shows are so long now. If we just do, you know, a half hour episode with somebody, that's not going to work. And these guests are not going to want to stay on forever. And you know what? They all, every single one of them did. It was amazing. We ended up having like 12 hours of podcast last week. Oh my god. You know what? They, you cannot have picked better guests. And I was just truly, truly jealous. You got to pick a babes, Ben. I know. Here we go. On the lonely trip. Oh, why myself? Ben's gone. Skyebs kill Ben. And now he's dead. I'm right here. You know, there could be no better way to start our 200th episode than a technical failure right out of the gate. That's, that's how we do it at Watch for Crapins. If this is your first time, that's how we do it. Either way, you have some great guests and we also, by the way, we have to get, we have to do another episode with Angie because she is also wonderful. And she also belongs in that top tier of wonderful people. Anyway, I've had my coffee. I'm going out of town soon. So keep that, keep that girl in mind. Yeah, absolutely. Well, we have an Austin show coming up later this month. It looks like we're going to be doing an Austin show. We, you know what? At this point, it's so late that we're just going to do an Austin show. I don't care if it's in a cul-de-sac somewhere with a megaphone. And it actually would be fitting if it wasn't a cul-de-sac somewhere with a megaphone for this show. I don't care if we're doing it in the food court of the gallery. Okay. We're doing it. I'm not going to be either July 24th or 25th. Yeah, I'm very, very excited about that. It's going to be our own private South by Southwest. It's Crapin Fest. Austin Crapin Fest. Crap, it's South by Crap West. I'm really excited for that. And I'm just, I'm just excited to be, to be reunited with you, Ronnie. You are, you know, it's been 200 episodes. And, you know, I have to say, if I can just, just be sentimental for one moment, you are just a wonderful podcast co-host. You just, you really, you, you are so funny. And I love how you speak your mind. And you also do so much stuff for the podcast, stuff that people don't even see. So I have to be just, I just have to give you a big thank you. Ben, I love you, Ronnie. We've never taken vows, but I wish we could renew our vows right now. Because as we've learned from Bravo, that always helps a relationship. Even if you break up with me, I will always bring mustard packets to you, just in case you come back. Ben, I love you, baby. Oh, thanks, Ronnie. Well, Ben, actually, thank you for not only being a good co-host, but for kind of building the life that I lead, because I never would even be doing anything I'm doing, had it not been for, uh, TV, gasm, and liking you on there, and then writing for you there, and then starting all this stuff. You started our podcast, you started basically the website I restarted later. You've given me a whole life, Ben. Oh, Ronnie, I'm just so glad that, um, I was able to give you that life, and then you could become funnier than me and take over. You didn't just give a man a fish, Ben. You told him to call that fish. You taught him how to call that fish a bitch. And I thank you, Ben. I taught that fish, how to fish. So, uh, so it is our 200th episode, but we still have to do a little bit of housekeeping as huge. Come to our Facebook page, facebook.com, Facebook.com, in case you didn't know how that ended, forward slash watch for crap ends. Super fun. We're up to 4,300 likes on that page out of control. People, that not only is it an active community, it is actually more active than I thought. So, I was gone for the past week. I was very lucky. My friend invited me to Nantucket. So, I was on in Waspy Wonderland, and when I was in Nantucket, I saw Ali Shapiro, who's Jill Zaren's daughter. I saw her at a brewery. And I was like, oh my god, that's so funny. Like, no matter where you go, Bravo is there. So, I posted about this on our Facebook page. I said, like, just saw Ali Zaren in Nantucket, like, can't escape Bravo. Like, it's totally benign, but kind of funny thing. Like, it's, Bravo is everywhere, right? And so, everyone starts making these jokes. They start being like, whoa, was she at Fat Camp or something like that. Because season one of Real Housewives of New York City, Jill Zaren sent Ali to Fat Camp, I believe. I think that, I double checked that. I looked it up on the internet, and it said so in the newspapers. That was the story point. So, everyone was making that joke, but I guess maybe Jill forgot or whatever. But Jill, Jill Zaren, actually came to our Facebook page, and was like, are you guys all sickos? Yeah, you sick? You people need to go get a lie. Now, and by the way, I think she's entitled to say that because, you know, I think she's a mother, and, you know, I think you're allowed to be mama bears. I mean, in this crowd. But it was funny because the response of our listeners was like, ha, ha, ha, shut up. Everyone just went crazy on her. And so then she writes again. She was like, I think I thought this was going to be a nice comment about Ali. And instead, there's a bunch of mean commenters. Y'all need to get a life. And she's not exactly wrong. I mean, I definitely need to get a life. But if I had a life, I wouldn't be doing this show in the first place. Okay. At least you found yourself on Google, Jill. So that just goes to show that our Facebook page is now started to be infiltrated by the housewives themselves and the best. No one is really calling Ali fat. I looked her up because I was like, oh my God, how fat is Ali that this is even an issue? So what? So she's a big girl. She's gorgeous. She's not even a big girl. She, she, she looks totally lovely. Beautiful girl. She looks good to me. I mean, I have no problem with it. She looked totally lovely. And you know what? She's living the life because she's, you know, like I was up on Nantucket. Like it was like, it was like an aberration. Like that's not what my life is. But, you know, you can tell she gets to go to Nantucket a lot. So good for her. Ali, you're leaving the life and you're wonderful. The calm is kicking in. Nothing personal. Nothing personal. You're not holding your mother's sins against you. The other thing is you can support us on Patreon. Patreon.com/watchforcrapins. And you get access to a bonus episode every week, which is really cool and other cool things like ringtones and access to Google Hangout. And we also have some premium tier subscriptions. And we have to give a shout out to our premium sponsors. This episode is brought to you all. In part by Claudia Catalina and Kristie Daugherty. Daugherty? Did I say that wrong? For an extra hundred dollars. We'll say your name right. For an extra... Yeah, Kristie. We'll ship another $10. I'll say it right. I'll say it right next time, Kristie. Okay. I like that. Hustling him down. So, Kristie and Claudia, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And a couple more things while we're acting like we've won something. I would also like to thank all the people on Patreon because you've actually made this a living. And thank you to everybody who's helped us podcast grow. We're actually on iTunes Hot List all the time now, which is amazing. That's all I've really wanted in life. I know we hit number five last week. I couldn't believe this. Crazy. And also, I would like to say, hey, Matty Whitfield, our old co-host Matthew Whitfield. You had to leave for his facial surgery that he left for and never came back from. Just kidding. Matt was here for like 90-something episodes. And we love you, Matt. We miss you every day. And people have been asking about Matt on his Facebook a lot. And the only reason Matt hasn't been on is because he's been so busy at work. But we do keep asking and we will get his aspect. And he got himself a nice old promotion. So, you know what? Good for him. The hard work has been paying off. Yeah. So you go, boy. Don't forget the little ones, even though you already did. So, we came on our Facebook today. Love you, Matty. So anyway, today's episode, we have Married to Medicine, which had a hilarious brawl in the middle of it. We will talk about that. And then we had Real House as of Orange County, which was so funny until all of a sudden, it became very sad. I'm like, great. Happy 200th episode. Let's talk about Vicki's mom dying. Oh. But, but, but, but. And even worse, Shannon probably cleans that floor herself. She's probably going to be in their online obsessing over the mascara all over the tile, darling. We're like, David, David, I can't, I can't sleep, David. They're still mascara down there. They're still mascara all over the tile. I feel it, David, I feel it. David, but before we do all that, we've decided since it's our 200th episode to sort of do some good on memory lane a little bit. And to talk about our favorite things from some of our favorite brothel episodes, if that makes sense. I don't even know how we're going to condense this. We don't know, we made a list of like our favorite jokes from Bravo shows. And we're going to, we were going to act them out in scenes. And we don't even know what to do. So, yeah, we don't know. We're going to stumble through this. We're going to talk about them. Oh, and also I'm putting up today my Luan Girl Code parody. And it turned out that it's not really a parody. It's just a whole other song called Girl Code that also happens to sound like Luan kind of, but. For whatever reason, it took me five years and it's finished. And it'll be up on your podcast feed. Or if you want to download it as a song MP3, just search watch what crappins in the music section on iTunes. And you'll find it there. So that's our little 200th anniversary gift there. Yeah, so I guess we're going to go through. We'll go through like a few of these shows that we have fond memories from. You know, first we have to start with Gallery Girls, which is, it still stands as probably one of my very favorite bravo shows of all time. And we never, it wasn't around long enough for us to have any significant ongoing gags. Except just to always refer to those Gargalls, Gargalls. Gargalls, Gargalls. And also I don't drink wine before I'm not. She's like, what are you, 15? You've been drinking wine for like a year, seriously good. I know it's drink wine from Portland. I, it was funny. I was reminiscing on Gargalls today. And I realized that if you say Gargalls fast enough, it actually sounds like you're saying Gargalls, Gargalls. Yeah, Gargalls, Gargalls. What would you like to get from this book historic Gargalls? Previously on Gargalls, Gargalls. I miss that show. Be my friend, be my friend, be my friend. I'm so into it. I'm so into galleries. I know everybody in the art world. What was that girl's name? That was Amy. Remember Amy? Remember what that? Remember where Amy was always like getting Doris slammed in her face and not invited to things and then having parties in that weird old lady apartment from her grandma. Yes. Are you getting too drunk? Remember? Remember Liz? Remember how annoyed Liz we got? Some Asians stepped on my painting. One of these stupid Asians stepped on my painting. Liz, I miss that show so much. And I think one of the biggest tributes we could give that show we've already done. And that was reviewing Chantal's LA experience in her review of LA experience, which is somewhere in these episodes. I think it's one of the bonuses. Yeah, I think it was, you have to do some googling. Googling. Gargall googling. But... Aren't that all? I can't believe Amy booked a chilis for our Art Guys show. This is so embarrassing. I can't even find the irony in appreciating the whole art in this choice. You guys, chilis is art too. You know, anything's art if you just look at it through the right eyes. Be my friend, be my friend, be my friend. That girl, that girl has the lowest ranking on E-Vite. If E-Vite had rankings, poor Amy would be at the bottom. It's just like decline, decline, decline. Poor Amy. I'm sorry, I don't need to be heaters that are from Portland. That's my Chantal impersonation. What kind of fun do you have? I hope it's not from Oregon. I'm not gonna ask. Also, Shahza sunset. It's funny, we don't actually have a lot of running jokes that I can remember from Shahza sunset, except of course, that's so... That's so Persian. That's so Persian. Look at that white person going up the escalator. That's so Persian. Elevators. Elevators, where it's at. White people love wine from Oregon, but Persians are like, yo, give me that wine from France. That's so Persian. Americans really like getting their gas from Chevron, and that's just the kind of wallpaper Persians like. That's so Persian. White people like to put Chevron into their gas tanks. Persians like to put it onto their ties. That's so Chevron. I'm in Persian. So that was white sometimes, because then my boyfriend would be interested instead of free-balling porn. You know, American free-ball porn, that's so white. Only white people do that. Persians love underwear. Underwear is so Persian. Sometimes I look at the... Sometimes I look at sliders and Chevron all together, and I just jerk off. That's really hot to me. That's so Persian. That's so Persian. I knew that it was time to go to America when they almost arrested me for jerking off to a Chevron sign, innit? I ran. I ran. I love that you just... I love that you just fed a line to Rosa. Line, please. I ran. I ran. Someone needs to feed me lines. I can't take it. I'm leaving. This is so stressful. The only lines that I like to have fed to me are ones that have 90 degree angles so they might all connected. Because I love Chevron. That's so Persian. You're all so mannies. If you're going to feed me a line, put some mannies on it. Homegirl. I went to see. Oh no, go ahead. No, I was just going to say Homegirl loves Chevron. It's just the same thing over and over again. That's so Persian. Mannies. White people call it mannies. And I ran. We call it breakfast. Mannies is so Persian. I wanted to say I went to see Magic Mike this weekend. Oh, I haven't seen it yet. I'm a pervert. That was the most amazing movie I've ever seen. The audience went crazy. And Rosa even showed up in this movie, at least in my mind. Because, well, at least Adam did. Because there's one part, everyone screaming and yelling during this home movie. OK, and then there's this one part where they show the wolf guy from True Blood, whatever that gorgeous uncle man is. He's walking towards the camera and he's free-balling and his sub-story, what am I trying to say? His story is that he's got a huge one and he can't find a vagina big enough for it. So he's walking towards the camera and he was free-balling. And that thing almost hit the camera. And I'm noticing, because now I'm looking at everyone's weiners to see if they're free-balling, because it shaws the sunset. And he was. And I was like, yeah! Like, I started screaming and yelling free-ball in the movie theater and no one else did. It was just me. So thanks for ruining Magic Mike for me. You're just like a single, you're just like a single penis flopping around at the empty void of some sweatpants. That's so pretty. Helping me to be turned on now by just people not wearing underwear. Now, and now I do. Now, if we continue down memory lane, I wish we had a little jazz ensemble here to score this. But if we go to a real house as a New Jersey, for some reason I couldn't remember a lot of our running jokes, but the only one that came to mind was talking about Keface or Keface and Lauren Manzus making egg salad in the back. And I love that we just have an ongoing joke about everything. Any time Lauren Manzus mentioned, it's like she's in the process of making egg salad or surfing it or eating it. Just this joke that evolved over time. I think it was when she was first making Keface, cat face, kaface, kaface. We just imagine as being this grotesque salon where you walk and it smells like egg salad. And then from there. Well, pretty much. Because she's like, I'm making a salon because I like business and I do business. And my salon is not going to be just a salon. You can also buy a pajmina or a hair clip or I don't know, a trip to Disneyland, egg salad. You can have eggs like, what are you doing? It's like that store has everything. It's like a Spencer's. I just imagine women getting like their makeup done while chatting down on egg salad. It's just like, it just seems so perfect. Once you come to Keface, you're... You guys, the most amazing thing happened on our 200th episode. We were ranting about Keface and egg salad when there was a sudden power outage because I'm here in the suburbs of New York. And basically, I didn't have power for several hours here at the house. And now this podcast has morphed into one of our famous and rare late night podcasts. At least for me. Yup. It's normal time for Ron. It is for you. It feels like it for me. I'm on my fourth venti iced coffee with two pumps of sugar-free hazelnut for the day, darling. And the funny thing, the best part about all of this is that when this happened, we were able to get onto Facebook and I wrote on Facebook. I said, "Quick update, a power outage in my parents' place has resulted in a production delay waiting for the fine utility people to remove the twig that caused all the chaos." It happened mid egg salad, Keface rant. So then everyone just started writing the funniest stuff on her Facebook wall. First, Jennifer O'Donnell, I think. I think she's the one who got it started. She goes, "David, David, you better remove that twig from our lives, David. David, you probably should never see that twig again." And then she just goes, "The next comment is just, David, to which we reply." "David, David, I have feelings about that twig. David, I'm trying to stop my feelings. David." David. And then Karen Donaldson-Zaroitz cracked me up again. Her response was, "Okay, Miss 30-year-old." Which is going to be my new default response to anything. And then Kat Shelly said, "That twig was my olive branch to you. How dare you blame it?" Then Patricia Murdock says- "I don't have to explain myself to a 30-year-old tree." Okay, Miss 30-year-old Birch. Then Patricia Murdock says, "David, did you prune the trees, David? David, did you call the landscaper? David, David." "Hey, tree, why don't you come back to me when you've got more rings, all right?" And then Jennifer O'Donnell goes, "I'm having a lot of negative thoughts towards trees right now, David." And then Patricia Murdock decides to change the game from Shannon. She goes into Ramona. She goes, "One time I was in the suburbs, okay, and my father told me to go out in the yard, okay, and there was a storm, and I had died under a tree, and a twig blew off the tree and almost hit me in the head, okay? And that's why twigs remind me of my father and I can never go to the suburbs or the Bronx botanical gardens, okay?" And then Hardy, and then Hardy-Kirthy, she just decides to just go marriage medicine with it. She goes, "Well, what you sure did, was you should've had a sandwich." In which case, and then Betsy Luna went to Princess' Long Island. She goes, "Help, man, send a plane." Sarah over says, "So the podcast was paralyzed!" My God. So funny. And then Nicole Brieverman, while Julie Stark took it to the Countess place and said, "Tell that twig to be cool. Don't be all like uncool." And then Nicole Brieverman finished it out with a little Miami action saying, "Tell the utilities a tear it down! And I'll be up and voice you later!" My dad's now in the next room, by the way, can probably hear all of this and probably thinks it's the strangest thing he's ever heard. Well, he's heard it before has, I mean, not the podcast, but he's heard you doing it before, has he? I'm sure, I'm sure, but it's probably always strange every single time. Yeah, I saw my neighbor just coming home. So if I get into a screaming match in the middle of this, well, I guess it would probably be fitting for this day. Yeah. Wow. So this 200th episode is really, it's taken, it's really gone in an epic place. There have been, you know, storms. There have been, you know, trees going down. I saw a turtle. And got a culada and saw a turtle. Yeah, that's right. That's how I spent the... (laughing) That's how I spent the power outage. I saw a turtle and I went and got a culada in honor of New Jersey, the culadas. Jersey. (laughing) Oh my God. All right. Well, we're going to be here until episode 207, baby. Why don't we start recapping one of these shows? We're going to, over the course of the episode, we're going to go back to some of our favorite bravo running gags. But in the meantime, why don't we get going? Why don't we get going with real housewives of Orange County? Should we start with real houses of Orange County? Oh my God. Can we just pretend that nobody died on this episode because that was ridiculous? I was like, what? Poor Shannon, you know, she finally gets it together to have a party and is nice even to the Miss 30-year-old. And she's not a guy. (laughing) Nothing's, don't ever play Funko, okay? These bitches need to switch to Canasta. Nothing bad happens in Canasta. Yeah, Funko is just bad news at this point. (laughing) I leave it to Vicki to like show up everyone with a bad news department, ouch. Actually, Vicki's made both buggo parties awkward. (laughing) This one wasn't her fault. At least she wasn't dressed like Cindy Lauper this time. That would have been, oops. That my God, that would have been awful. If they were in that 80s party and then this happened, oh my God, sobbing on the floor dressed like old lady Madonna. (laughing) Total, total disaster. Well, why don't we start at the beginning? Okay, well, I took a note on every single thing that happened today. I've got 10 page notes. I don't know why I was laughing and laughing and laughing. It was hysterical. It's basically a note for every box that Poro Meghan had to pack. Stephen Meghan. Okay, so did you get a chance to listen to the entire Amy Phillips episode? No, I did not. Okay, because she did a Meghan impression because she hasn't done one yet. So she was like working it out on the show and it's so funny. And now I can't get it out of my head. It's just basically over-annunciating every little thing. And it's hilarious because it's all I can hear now because she's like, "Of course, Jim isn't tired from packing the boxes because Jim never paxes the boxes." It paxes the boxes. She says, "Meghan is so such a stupid spoiled brad. I love how her big issue is that no one complements her when you move." She's like, "You know, I don't like moving. No one complements you while you move." I'm like, "Well, yeah, no one complements you in most parts of your life. You know, I get used to it." Probably because it's awkward giving somebody complements when they're just bossing around a bunch of illegals. Like, what do you think, Meghan? She's like, "Jim doesn't help me at all. He just thinks there's a magic fairy that does all this." I'm like, "There are magic fairies. They're called illegal immigrants and they deserve a right to vote." Okay, Meghan. She's just not used to people handling her box without saying something first. Get in vulgar. It's a vulgar one for everyone. Little boxy. Jim's used to sharing her box. Jim's used to sharing boxes. She is so, Meghan is so annoying. She is exactly the sort of person who has absolutely nothing going on their lives, so they have to busy it with, like, faux drama about the moving. Like, "Oh, Jim never has to pack it. I'm the one who always has to do all the packing. I'm the one who packs it for this place or that place. I'm the one who does all the packing." He doesn't understand how hard it is because he just says, "Let's pack this. Make a list." He pays for the groceries. A bag boy puts them in a bag. Okay, bag boy. Now get to bagging. You can buy that house, bitch. She's crazy. I like how she also describes everything. It's like she's such a drama queen. She describes every little thing that happens. Like, it's something momentous. She's saying, "I'm packing." Okay, so first, I pack everything and then I unpack it. You know that's how everybody does it, right, Meghan? She's like, "I have to know exactly which box all the faux Tuscan housewares are in. I need to know where my floor delis are at all times." [laughs] "I have lists for every single thing I got from Steinmark. I know which boxes." "I need to know where my sassy margarita glasses are at any time, so I have these lists." I'm surprised she's packing everything. Why did she just burn that damn house to the ground? It's all the ex-wives things anyway. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Number three things. Yeah, she's just chuck it over the cliff. Wait, is she wife number three or wife number four? I forgot. I don't know. I think you have to stop counting after the 10th move. She's like Sonia's technology room. There's computer number three and wife number six in mansion number eight. Wife number six with a Sharpie putting her name on the back of everything. So Meghan can never have peace. Your amendment's like, "Which one is Meghan again?" They're like, "The one with the Sharpie making lists." Oh, yes. The one I have in Southern California. Well, I was so busy today. I went to the store. I had to buy an onion and I had to buy celery. I went into the paper section. It was hard. It was really hard. I had to decide between peanut M&Ms and regular M&Ms. And then I remembered, "I don't even eat." Which looks better in the toilet later. Peanut M&Ms or pretzel? I had a really hard day. I was thinking, "Does it really take 2,000 flushes? Should I buy this?" [laughter] I got a toilet paper that says, "I only bought it because it says on the package, claims more." And I was like, "Wow. What was my previous toilet paper missing?" Thanks, new toilet paper. I have a cleaner bet. Is this a Ronnie testimony or Ronnie as Meghan testimony? I can't tell. No, it's actually me. It just reminded me of being a target. I don't know why. Meghan probably goes to this market. She's like, "You know, I never buy charmon because no one ever says that I'm charmon. So why should I have two toilet paper that's charmon?" Jim never calls me charmon. Now I'm going to the machete and David. David, why are I charming? David, have you been hanging out with bears? David, David, why are those bears that have toilet paper on their butts? David, David. Do you remember what wife number one wife they're asked with? Because I want that. And I don't want her name on it. I want my own. Jim, I want my toilet paper to be three ply. I don't want, because I'm wife number three, one ply for each wife. I'm not going to use the same toilet paper that your wife used. You know, we get three ply, but I take off the other two plies. And so I just wad up a bunch of one plies. Jim, I resent the fact that you get quilted northern. Okay. Because that is where your wife is from. I would like quilted St. Louis Ian, please. Oh, honey, there's no such thing as quilted Louisiana toilet paper. Well, then make it. Call for charity. She's not busy. It's for charity, Jim. I want you to create quilted Louisiana toilet paper for charity, please. I want everybody to bring their favorite toilet paper to a charity party. And whichever ones I don't like, we're going to give just poor people. Jim, it'll be like, well, I saved this toilet paper. I was supposed to bring to this party that you just invited me to. But you didn't have me so well. I just wiped my butt with it. But it's here on the kitchen counter if you need it. Megan's like, Hi, Shannon, this is Megan King. I'm calling because I hear you've used toilet paper before and I wanted to get some recommendations on my toilet paper charity party. Was this this? I can't talk about butt cracks right now. My children are in the car. My children are in the car. Kids don't listen to that. No. Dr. Moon, you've been the one who recently had your hand in my ass. Have you been talking to Megan King about what my toilet paper preferences are? Dr. Moon? David, David. I am. So this brings us to Shannon calling Megan, which was amazing because Shannon's calling Megan from like the first wife's office. What the fuck with that room? It was like previously on Gina Davis's like state of Madame Secretary show. It was like every. It was clearly like, well, this Gina Davis show has been canceled. Should we give it to the, the one that's on CBS now? No, let's just ship it down to Orange County and put in Shannon Door's house. I am not making sense anymore, by the way. I am like, that makes sense to me. It's 11 o'clock. By the way, I haven't had dinner. Somehow I did not have dinner. I'm not eating schedules. No, that makes you hangry. I haven't eaten today either. I've eaten like a hundred gallons of coffee. I'm actually feeling like dizzy and high from the coffee. So yeah, caffeine, you go, girl. I had a slice of pizza and my kulata around five 30. So I'm like ready for my next meal now. And instead, I'm just going to be saying loopy things on this podcast. That's number 200. Yay. Well, if I have a heart attack during this podcast, just be sure to call the emergency room and tell them to pour a little heavy cream into me to thin my blood out. Either way, it's, oh my God, my mom's calling me now. She doesn't realize I'm podcasting. Busy. You're not taking your call from your mother unless it's on the podcast. No, my mom is literally calling out my name and down the hallway. Oh my God, I hope she comes into your room where we can ask her what she thinks about Shannon's office. Shannon's like, hello, Megan. This is Shannon B. Doar. I'm calling from Michelle Obama's office. I hope you're wife number one's kitchen office. Is that fun for you? How's that, Megan? Megan's like 30-year-old. Miss 30-year-old. Megan's like, who's this? Hello, Megan. I'm calling from an antique desk that's nine times your age, Miss 30-year-old. Miss 30-year-old? Hello, this is Miss 350-year-old furniture calling for Miss 30-year-old. Miss 30-year-old Ikea. Meanwhile, Megan is... This is the first wife's desk calling for the third wife's desk. Please hold for the first wife's desk. They would never marry that mistress, all right? This is still the first wife's desk. Suck it, Megan. Who's Suck at 30-year-old. Hey, I've got a lollipop. It was made just for 30-year-olds. Suck it, Megan. Little 30-year-old, David. David. Stop sucking that popsicle, David. Damn it, David. Hello, Megan King Edmonds. There are feelings about this popsicle. Megan King Edmonds, please hold for the office for Marilyn Quail. Thank you. David. I really... Marilyn Quail. I really wish that Shannon had just called Megan, and Megan said, "Hello?" And she just said, "Who's this?" Like, she can't even remember who she's calling. I just wanted Sharon to make crank calls across her orange county. Just when people answer, they say, "Hello." She goes, "I start charities. Just hangs up." "I start charities." Shannon's robo call. Hello, this is Shannon Bador. And I start charities, David. David. Who's this? You called me. Now, I'm pretty sure you called me. Thank you. Bye. And that's all programmed into the robo call. There's like a space for people to respond. Mm-hmm. Who's this? Why am I calling you? Why am I calling you just for you to sell me something? Why am I calling you? Why am I calling you? My kids are in the car. This is a robo call to let you know that Shannon Bador is waiting at home waiting for David. David. If you've seen David, please send him here. Thank you. Science, Michelle Obama. This is Shannon Bador calling for the girl on the beach. I'm not speaking to you, because David and I promised each other we wouldn't speak to. So just listen to the silence, please. [laughs] David. David, stop trying to take the phone for me, David. No, you promised not to talk to her, David. [laughs] Hello, this is Shannon Bador calling. Just to let you know that if you're the girl on the beach and if David walked by you and didn't say anything, that's because he promised not to say anything to you for the rest of his life. Otherwise, I walk out that door. David. David. I walk right out that door, get a thumb up my butt from Dr. Moon, and then I'll be back the next day to make him feel horrible forever. I like that she acts like leaving is the worst thing that could happen to him. That guy is just waiting. Yeah. Just waiting. She's like, "I am walking right out that door and going to the chandelier store, and I'm just going to sit there amongst the light." Thank you. David. If he talks to that girl on the beach one more time, I am putting Bluetooth in that chandelier, and every time he tries to take a map without me there, I'm going to make it go up and down very slowly. And that's it. That's final, David. [laughs] So anyway, this is going to be the longest episode of all time. So Shannon calls... Thank you, number 200. Shannon B. Dorr calls somebody. [laughs] So Shannon calls up Megan, and she is so passive aggressive. It's that whole like, "Oh, well, I heard you had a great party the other night that you didn't invite me to. Anyway, I want to invite you to Bunko Night." And Megan... Hey, Shannon B. Dorr, I hope you enjoyed your party. Was that fun? Was that great? I hope a lot of poor people were helped. I hope you raised a lot of money for those poor people without the wine that I was going to bring. [laughs] And I've been invited. Megan? Megan? Megan? Megan. Megan. So then Megan, of course. Megan is so awful, though, because Megan is like, "Wow, well, I'm quite frankly, I'm a little surprised because, you know, I thought you just sort of flew off the handle, and I don't know. I feel like you need to prove yourself to me." She says basically to Shannon, like, "I'll go, but I'm afraid that you're going to go off the handle, so I'll go, but you're going to have to prove to me that you won't." At which point... Yeah, and Shannon says, Shannon's like, "What's up, Shannon? I assure you, you will be safe here." [laughs] What the hell? Yeah, you're like, "I won't beat you, Shannon. It just comes and I will not beat you." I like that she's talking to herself, though. I like that idea that she's telling herself that she's going to a safe place. [laughs] Shannon, you're not going to think of negative thoughts today. It's going to be a negative free thought day, if you can do it. Oh, that was a negative thought already ruined it. All right, Shannon, we'll talk tomorrow. [laughs] But I love also that like, I love how Shannon is just like muttering to herself afterwards. I proved myself to a 30-year-old. [laughs] She's so mad. She's so mad. But then the best part is that we leave. We leave them, and you're like, "Oh, okay." So then we go to... The balls on her. I swear to God, people are assholes. But she just walks off like a crazy old map head on the street. She's like, "I'm going to the Rose Garden." 'Cause you know that Shannon's just talking to the PAs all the time. They're probably like, "Shannon, the PAs are not in this scene. Please stop talking to the PAs." I'm just like, "What about once looking at me?" It's the cameraman. Well, you know, please stop talking to him. You know, Shannon's the type that if she's in a supermarket and she's walking down the front of the aisles, and then someone just comes out of an aisle with a car and sort of cuts her off and then goes into another aisle, she's the one who like bulges her eyes and goes, she's like, "I hate blood around here." You know, she's the one who gets exasperated. What happened to the world? No, Shannon's that kind of person to go into a grocery store. Yeah. And when they're like, "We need a price check on IL2." She'd be like, "IL2, IL2, price check, IL2. Where's price check, price check. Price check, would you get over here? Price check, price check. IL2 need to price check, price check." She's the type that goes up to the clerk. It's like, "I'm sorry. I just can't find the boneless trout fillets." Can you just show me where they are? Oh, I'm sorry, man. We don't carry them. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What was that? We don't carry the boneless trout fillets. I mean, this is a supermarket. I mean, how do you not have a boneless trout? I mean, and David? David. David. Shannon's the kind of person at the supermarket when they say paper or plastic. She goes, "What do you think?" And they say, "Plastic." And she's like, "You don't know me at all. You don't know me at all. I don't appreciate this. You don't even know me. Who are you? Who am I? Who knows?" Dr. Mel. She's the one who goes down the express line. She goes, "I like to go down the express lines because it's 10 I.M.s or fewer, which is sort of the amount of loving memories that I have of David these days." David? David? 10 negative thoughts are fewer today. David? I love the express line because when it's 10 items are free or I just think, "Oh my gosh. This is like sending one of David's mistresses down the line. And I'm getting over it. Mine got getting over it. Eight. He talked to eight. I almost killed him for talking to eight. But then I forgot about it because that's what forgiveness is. That's what forgiveness is." You know, one of the reasons why I don't have a loyalty car to Trader Joe's is because it reminds me of the loyalty car that David had to his mistress on the beach. David? David? One more stamp and he would have had a free girl to talk to on the beach. And I will not stand for that, David. David? David? He had $3.96 in savings with her. David? David? Doesn't make sense. Anyway, so anyway, I don't think we're going to make sense for the rest of this podcast, by the way. So anybody who's thinking of having a nice organized day, not going to happen. Bye. Thanks for coming by 200. This podcast will come out late, but you'll get, you know, 300% more podcasts as a result of it. So, um, so then we go to Vicki and Tamra doing a hydroquench, which is just a phrase I don't ever want to use with those two women. It's just, yeah, hydro or quench. Yeah. I don't want to think of them swallowing or quenching anything. Thank you. And they had hot marshmallow lather on top of them. And just in case it wasn't unappetizing enough, we then got to see Vicki's butt. Full on Vicki butt. Oh my God. No kidding. She's like, oh, you know, I'm going to show you guys this because I can't show Brooks right now because he's not allowed to eat cottage cheese. Um, so Vicki and Tamra, I love that Vicki's first line is, oh, I've been working a lot. How about you Tamra? It's like Jesus Christ. All right. Way to stay in character. It's like every time they show her, how are you Vicki? Oh gosh, you know, but there was a stable stuck today. That's just about something in my whole day. My whole day was gone, basically. Oh, you know, I also liked that Tamra was saying how she's showing how. She's like, yeah, well, you know, I keep my real estate license, you know, going because, you know, I like doing it. I'm like, no, that means that no one's going to cut fitness. We understand the way these do work. Yeah, pretty much. No one's really into your uneven cut fitness floor. It's like cut fitness where your planks are never even. See you there. Difference between the grandkids and kids. I like that because Tamra's about to have a grandkid, which I love because you know, that's just fucking killing her inside. Yeah. And she's like, what's the difference between having a, you know, a grandkid? Like how's it different from having a kid? And Vicki's like, well, the grandkid can't get kick Brooks out of the house. You know, that's for sure. I bring Brooks around to get the grandkid and he doesn't even care. He doesn't say anything. I mean, that's that's what a grandkids for. You'll love it. You'll love it. So then after that, then we go to a scene where Heather is taking her kids to the hair salon, which then somehow segued into Heather talking about how, well, you know, Terry's not around that much anymore because he's so busy working and he's doing botched also. And so now like it's just one more thing on my plate. I'm like, just hold on a second, Heather. Don't act like you're so busy. Here you are. Your kids are getting your hair, their haircut and you're just standing around. Like you are not like it's not like you are putting off like piles of paperwork or or or patience or anything like that. You if you were not taking your kids to get their haircut, you know what you'd be doing? Absolutely nothing. You'd be playing one player Bunko games in your closet. You'd be staring at reruns of Malibu country memorizing all of Reba's lines. Don't front it. Don't front. Yeah, exactly. You'd be doing. Also, don't make plate metaphors. Okay, Heather? Don't. Just don't do it. Miss never eats Miss 30. Miss 30, Miss 30 year old 30 years ago. Miss 30 calorie year old. Also Miss 30 calorie. I like how Heather preffices this whole thing with not she's not getting the kids a haircut. She's she's like, well, I'm getting the kids a haircut. And you know, normally I take them to an inexpensive place because I'm one of you. I'm just like one of you. It's like normally you're at super cuts, Heather. Bitch, please get out of here. Well, the other thing is. I mean, like I get it like, you know, kids, you know, usually kids get janky haircuts until they get to a certain age and then it's like, okay, we'll start giving them a good haircut. But she makes it. She made it sound like she's like, well, you know, I've been taking them to, you know, super cuts for eight years. But you know, you know, time comes when they're finally ready to have a nice haircut. And they cut to like, like, Collette and Coco or whatever her name is, because that. And she's like three years old. I'm like, I don't think it's time like, it's fine if you want to give her a nice haircut, but she doesn't need one at three. She doesn't need to stop biting fingers off the nanny and sitting on the floor first. Okay. And then we'll get back to hair, Heather. Although I did like Coco's haircut, I must admit. They were all pretty, but that's it's weird when kids have hair that pretty, like hair that that's that done and blown out. They look weird. Yeah, it was a little strange. It was a little strange. Kids need to have stringy hair and boogers on their face. That's it. I don't want to see your kid looking like a glamour shot. Yeah, little boys should all have bowl cuts like I did. Yeah, totally. You should be forced to be ugly when you're a child, all right? Even the score. Yeah. And I don't think kids should have clothes from gap kids. Kids should wear clothes that's like awkward and strange. And it was from like a tag sale or a hand me down and does not look right. Like, I don't like all these kids in trendy outfits. No, I don't like that at all. Yeah. No more kids. He's talking about how famous Terry is now. She's like, you know, when my eight years ago, my agent told me, Heather, aren't you going to be an actress or a star? And I decided an actress because, you know, I'm really like that. But Terry, Terry just wants to be a star. Terry loves being famous. Like, no, I suppose to you, you stupid bitch. As opposed to you who's building a house just to have a storyline, because no one will speak to you in the off season, dumb bitch. And then they cut to Terry. They cut to Terry and Paul in the office. I love botch because I've never seen it. So I love even little clips of it. But what they chose to show her vaginas right below her belly, because her surgery grew back wrong. And then Paul's like, her vagina is below her belly. And Terry's like, yeah. And they could just intercut that at any moment in the show and be really be talking about anybody. Because you know that Brooks is like constantly putting his penis in that belly button. She's trying to find the right. Where is it, honey? Where does Gretchen have it? Should I call her? It's like when you stick your finger into an under, like a balloon that has been inflated the whole way. You know how he just sticks in. And you're like, is this a hole? No, no, it's coming back. It's coming back. It's like most households lose their remote control in the couch. But these women lose their vaginas because they keep getting it moved. Yeah. Put the keys in the bowl. All right. So we'll always remember where the keys are. By the way, this is jumping ahead a little bit, but talking about that whole scene with the husbands. That was like one of the most meta scenes of all time. It was Heather going to a reality show shoot, like a different reality show shoot. And we watched as she shot a scene for a whole different reality show on this reality show. That was some deep meta shit going on there. That was definitely some Lisa Coudreau, the comeback shit right there. And it was just like the acting and it was just as awkward. Because with the cameras behind the cameras, you actually see how much Heather is acting every time she's on camera. She was like a bad community theater actor. Yeah, it was definitely like we were going through some weird wormhole at that point. But anyway, so back to earlier in the show. So after Heather takes the kids to get their haircut and everything, all of a sudden we're back in the Oval Office. And Shannon, I think we're meant to believe that Shannon has been pacing around for about two hours now. And she did not like being told that she has to prove herself to miss 30 year old. So yeah, you know she got off the chandelier with the PA, who she was making like put in new light bulbs was like, you know what, I'm taking the chandelier down. We're going back down there. I'm going to Michelle Obama's office and I'm calling this 30 year old again. All right, take me down, get me down. So it's ripped down. And then she calls, she calls up Megan and she's like, you know what? You know, I didn't like the way the last phone call ended. You know, I don't, you know, I offered you an olive branch. And I don't have to, I don't have to prove myself. So if you want to come, you can come. But you know, I don't have to prove myself. And that's it. So David, David, this phone calls over. And then Megan, of course, Megan's response is as seaworthy as possible. Megan's like, well, you promised you would, but whatever. Yeah. Close your promise. You promised you'd prove, but whatever. Basically Megan. You want to prove yourself, but whatever. So basically what I'm starting to realize is that Megan is one penis away from being a waitress on Vanderpump Rules, because if she had not gone on to Jimmy Edmond's penis, she would be working at Sarah going seriously, seriously, seriously. She'd be in that smoking den outside. Yeah. She would be like, well, Christina would be coming up to her like, have you talked to Stacy? Because she told me that you haven't even talked to her. Did you know that it's her birthday? And who'd be like, does that? I didn't know it was her birthday. I'm not inviting her to her birthday party. She heard that. She wants me to be at her birthday party. She has to prove to me that she can't fly off the handle. Well, Stacy, such as not to prove anything to anyone. Well, she sort of said it. So I don't know. That's fine. She promised. She'd be almost the hostess desk. And people would come and be like, uh, hi, we have a reservation for eight o'clock. Well, there's eight fifteen and you promise you promise you'd be here at eight. So whatever. Whatever. It's fine. I'll see. She's whatever. Fine. Whatever. I mean, fine. Um, so I can just stand on the force. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, no, no, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. I was just imagining Lisa. I was just imagining Lisa Vanderbum walking to Sir. I'd be like, oh, darling, I has everything to help. Well, you said you'd be here at eight o'clock. Lisa, birthday fifteen, but whatever. I have Lisa Vanderbum bearing. Who's this? Listen, darling, we serve two nittah tall older than you. All right, back up. OK, Miss 30-year-old tuna-tah-tah. Anyway, sorry. Well, in Lisa's case, Lisa deducts 20 years from every age. So she'd be like, she'd be like, all right, Miss 10-year-old. Because Lisa says she's like 54. I looked that shit up on Wikipedia and listen, Vanderpump. You look amazing. I don't care what your age is. You're gorgeous. And you know you're my queen. But bitch, please. That girl is 65 if she's seen today. She's like, just deduct it. All right, just we're going for the Chinese New Year's. All right, darling. Chef Penny, here's all we're going to do. We're going to have a taste of tuna-tah-tah, all right? We'll just rub it right over the camera lens, all right? And then it's a bit of filter on me, because the tuna-tah-tah juice doesn't make me look 10 years younger. OK, Chef Penny, get on it right now. Do not abandon your post. Oh, Ken and I love games. Every year we play Jenga. And the tower's huge and I take one block for every year. It's like you don't remove blocks for the years, babe. That's the wrong problem. It's like a Jenga house, Lisa? Liar. Anyway, I don't know why I'm at Lisa Vanderpump's aid. But I was like, bitch, please. You were not a little bit older than me. Ronnie, you promised not to go off on the Lisa Vanderpump, but whatever, OK, fine. I love you, Lisa. I love you when you're 80. I mean 60. So the best part about this phone call was that then Shannon was like, I was like, I'm moving forward. I've decided that I'm going to move forward. I don't think Shannon even has a vehicle that can go in any gear beyond reverse. She is the most reverse headed person of all of them. So for her to say, just going forward is the funniest shit I've heard. Because this entire Bunko party, by the way, was created from a space of passive aggression. The only reason why she decided to have a Bunko party was that way she could invite Megan when Megan did not invite her. Yeah, and everybody knows it. And it's so funny. She's like, I'm going to have a fun party because I don't care. I'm going to have a good time. And instead of giving money to four people, I'm going to invite people. In fact, I've called Hagrid. She's like bringing Camille's friend, Chloe, is over. She's like, Bunko. Oh, good job. Good job, Hagrid. So she's saying, I don't want to prove myself to you. Miss 30 year old. And then she hangs up the phone and she hangs up the phone right next to the big red button. And then she walks away. And again, she's like, oh, that's a girl. She's like a 30 year old thorn in my side. David, David's the other phone on my side. I just keep walking through rose bushes and they're named Megan and David. Dr. Moon, there's a thorn in my side. Forget your thumb. Get a traffic cone. I'm on my way. I can't even watch the wild thornberries with my children because it reminds me too much of Megan and David. Also, it's 30 years old, which I completely disrespect. I will not watch a 30 year old movie. That's the thornbird, which I also can't watch. So then we get a scene of Birx and Vicki meeting with the German holistic doctor. Linka. Linka. Oh, I wrote her. I thought Ling at first. No, it's Linka. It's her name. Not Ling. She's like, I am so, I am so not medical that I have Chinese name. It's like, get out of here stupid. It's like, hello, I am Ling. We are going to rid you of your chemicals. And Vicki's like, well, I hope not sailing because I paid a lot for these. You know, I'm still paying them off. Dan took half of it. No, don't you worry. Your boobies are okay. Your square socks are fine, lady. It will be okay. So she's trying to explain to them what's going on. And she's like, oh, so you'll have to cancel. And Birx is like, yeah, well, I just finished my third round of chemo at Andalase. And it didn't have the effect that I wanted it to. I mostly just farted after. Funny how chemo and queso were the same thing as Spanish. Isn't it? He's like, I got the chips with chemo. He's like, hey, bus boy at Andalase. Could you bring us another random chemo? Bring it some queso over. It's like a chemo sure makes me fart. Are you sure this cures cancer? I love this con chemo stuff. Chili concane chemo. Now, is this extra or does it come with the tamales? Just tell me now. They actually put the radiation inside the tamale. I had one of those peppers, one of those chilies. I had chilies with radiation in it, radiation cheese. Oh, man, I know it was radiation because I had the chips for three days. And Ling is like, listen here. Here's how you cure the cancer. You eat no solids. And Vicki's like, but what about salad? She's like, no, that's a solid. Well, what about potato salad? No, that's a solid. What about chicken salad? That's not solid either. Vicki, stop. You're not going to eat, okay? There will be no eating. And Ling's like, you have to starve to cancer. Vicki's like, I don't want to starve it too much. You know, next thing you know, it's going to look like Megan. It's still my man away, okay? But you promised to starve it, but whatever. I love that you still colored Ling, even though it's like, even though it's Lanka, you're still like holding on to the fact that it's Ling. I'm like an Eastern European lady named Lanka, and you're like, well, Ling. That's what I wrote down. So it's sticking in my head forever. Yeah. So then we get to the most important funny scene of the episode, as opposed to the most important non-funny scene, which is that Shannon's getting ready for Bunko night. And she's sort of fussing around the kitchen. I think she sort of, she was going on and on about saying how like, when, well, if it's a party of 20 or less, I'm in there. I'm cooking. I love cooking. It's, you know, I'm giving a part of me to it. And you all cut to her being like, cook that bacon. Cook it more. Do this to that. I'm like, I don't get it, Shannon. But in either way, it's like, for Kate or, you know, anybody can hire Kate or any little 30-year-old with her husband's money. I write it about, you know, I have to cook it. And so I want people to have me inside of them when they eat. I want them to feel me. It's like every time you eat something at her house, you just feel like running away and you feel guilty and you don't know why. So enjoy that cucumber roll. No, like, uh, uh, uh, uh, I want to fuck a blonde girl on a beach. I don't know why, but I want to fuck a, fuck a blonde girl on a beach right now. Do you like that macaroni and cheese? It's funny because you never used to like macaroni and cheese. Now you do. That's weird. David, David, who's been feeding you macaroni and cheese? Anyway, so, so Shannon's fussing around. And then David walks in and he's like, hey, Shannon. It's a strange thing happened. Remember that girl on the beach she met that one time? Cut to Shannon. Full-on paralyzed sombrero number three on the sombrero scale. She is just like, you just can see David, David, David, David, David, David, David. There was like poop dripping down her leg at that point. It was like a steady stream of poop coming down from her leg. He's like, I saw that girl on the beach, Shannon. She's like, it was like the last scene of Poltergeist when all the gravestones and skeletons come out of the pool. It was like the gravestone up here lies Shannon Bador. It has came to the kitchen floor at that moment. Because it was. She freaked out and he's just smiling and looking through junk mail. He's like, yeah, remember that girl you mentioned? Yeah, I just saw her on the beach today and Shannon's like, wait. What? Who? Why? Why? As you get that look on her face, her eyes bulge and then she gets this look on her mouth as if she's trying to make like a tooth sound out of a bottle of beer. You know when you go, you know, that's what her face does when she gets concerned. She doesn't make that face. She has like an description of that face. She has an imaginary bottle of Heineken that she's trying to make tooth and panic in her eyes. And she just, she looked and David just like, yeah, I saw her. I said, hi, and she says hello and she was like, oh, oh. Oh, okay. And the salmon is pooping on the floor and then her friend comes over. Have we seen this friend before? We never have, but you know, someone on the Facebook page wrote this and it was my very first thought also when they're like, I'm thinking, who is this girl on the beach? And then this woman stridently walks in. I'm like, it's her. She's the mistress. She's the mistress. She's the mistress. He's finally just brought her home. Yeah. And then well, David said he wouldn't lie to me and he's not lying to me. The mistress has moved into the guest bedroom and that's just how it is. You know, he said she was going to when she did. So he's trustworthy. And then Shannon has this crazy, like her, she just goes in this crazy place. She talks about how she had a panic attack just then. And she's like, and you know, it's just, it's so hard because, you know, you know, before, before David moved out, you know, he was communicating her with his mistress through Gmail. That was their primary way of communicating. And I'm thinking myself, yeah, that's how like most people communicate with most people. It wasn't like mistress only. It wasn't like mistress mail, like, you know, because she's like, because then every time he touches a phone, I start pooping. It's like, what do you, that's normal. A phone is normal, all right. She starts to freak out because she thought she saw a Gmail icon on his iPad. And she's like, well, that's the way he communicate with the mistress. I'm like, it's a pretty normal thing to have Gmail on your iPad. Listen, husbands who don't cheat keep their Hotmail accounts. And that's just it. There's no iPad icon for a Hotmail. Okay. David, why do you have David? Why do you have a hundred emails in your spam filter? David, you never used to use spam. Why do you eat spam now? David, are you dating a poor person? David, who's this group on? Who's this group on? This girl, Christina, arrives and Shannon introduces her to us by saying. Christina, it's one of my best friends. She, I can call when David was having his affair. I could call Christina and she would listen to me for hours at a time. Hours at a time. And that is unconditional friendship. And I'm like, or a sucker waiting to get on a housewife show. You think that bitch wants to hear your David stories 10 hours a day? No, but it finally paid off. And here she is. Meanwhile, Demetria from Blood, Sweating Hills is calling her up at 2am. Be like, hey, you there? All right. You're coming to the wedding. She's like, please, I need to talk to someone about this crazy Shannon, bitch. I don't care. I just need to know that he'll take my call. Bye. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. Do you have cake at your party? I'm not coming. Shannon is telling Christina the story. She's like, David just came in. And he mentioned that he saw a blonde girl on the beach. And he was speaking in code. And I didn't know what he meant. And then I started freaking out. I mean, I'm shaking. I'm shaking like this. Look at how I'm shaking. But then it turned out that it wasn't the woman, you know, from six months ago. And then Christina goes, wait, you mean two years ago? And she's like, well, it ended six months ago. How long was this going on? No wonder David was having like a year and a half affair. And no wonder he was like, this is the best time in my life. Unfortunately, I was over. Oh my god. Who's that? Who's not an affair? That was a relationship. Who's this? Who's this? Who's this? Who's this? Who's this? So then anyway. It's a car that gets in the car. She's like, we're not in the car. They are. They're in the car. I'm shaking. This is a giant mobile home. I never told anyone. But there are wheels underneath this house. Um, so anyway. Oh, I can't wait until these potatoes are done. They're going to taste like sad lies. David, how many bottles of wine did you get for Bunko? David, David, don't lie, David. You promised not to lie, David. David's getting better. And then she switches out of this mode instantly. And she's like, but it's getting better. It's getting better. It's getting better. Everything's great. It's getting better. Look, I'm asking potatoes. Consuela, finish the potato. I'm finishing. I'm finishing them up. Only three negative thoughts in the past five minutes. I'm doing better. I'm doing better. Um, although I just had two in the past 10 seconds. Oh, no. Oh, no. My race going down. David, David. I'm flat lining. Negative thoughts everywhere. So anyway, back to Megan. Yeah. So then basically the Bunko party starts. And you know, Bravo. Bravo was totally behind this. They totally sent for the car for Megan first. So that way Megan arrived at Bunko first. And now Shannon was stuck with Miss 30 year old. And the best part is that they're having this awkward talk in the chance like, oh, and by the way, before you leave tonight, here's some wine for your charity. I was like, oh. So classic. I was going to bring the other night. It's been sitting here since then. Sad, sad wine. But it's good because it's aged two more days. So you know, it's a better wine now. Moving forward. You can't auction this wine off for the poor people, but you can drink it and swallow it and feel awful as it goes down to stomach and burns. This wine is older than five five of you. Megan, you do know a wine is, right? You know that there's a difference between this and Boone's farm. I'm just not sure Miss 30 year old. You know, this isn't mad dog, right? Okay, just checking. Here's some bottles of wine, otherwise known as a grape juice. All right, Megan. Oh, and Megan, I've got you some pre suns there at the end of the buffet. And if you'd like to drink some of those, while the rest of us are having wine. All right, Megan. I can't wait to start Bunko much the way, much the same way that I start charities. Megan, Miss 30 year old. Also, the best part is that when Megan gets there, she's like talking, they're making this like general chit chat by like, love your house. Did I just move? Yeah, I'm in the neighborhood now. I could walk here and then Shannon looks and goes, could you like with this total alarm? Like, oh no, the Terminator has moved into the neighborhood. I'm going to see you on the street. I hope you're lying down because we do need speed bumps. Young people are speeding. If I got a nickel for every 30 year old that's spent on this street, I'll tell you, I would have been able to buy a hooker for David, honestly, I mean, just they're everywhere. If Miss 30, if Miss 30 year old thinks that she can go speeding down the cul-de-sac, well, she has another thing coming. I'm going to put down a giant chandelier in the middle of the road and she'll crash right into it. And then she'll learn a thing or two about speeding. But you're talking about Miss 30 year old, that chandelier was always there. No one's ever been able to drive to the end of the street. Megan's like, you know, now they're moving forward. Maybe you can, maybe we could just become better friends. You know, I'll give you my Gmail. What? You have a Gmail? David? David. Shannon shit's right there. Panic shit, panic shit, right? All I wanted to do was serve some pigs in a blanket, but it made me think of David because I know that he wrapped that girl in a blanket, that peg. Where are we, Jim? So then, wait, I have Jim here. Oh, and then botched, we can skip that, right? Yeah, well, we already talked about that. So then, basically, we can get to the Bunko party. I don't remember, let's talk about it again. So, we're at the Bunko party. And then everyone's just like playing Bunko. And my favorite part, once again, is Shannon. Because Shannon, of course, nothing goes Shannon's way. So she's like, rolling that. She's like, Bunko, come on, Bunko, come on, Bunko, nothing. She just goes, this is just sad resignation, like, of course. Like David, David, what'd you do with the Bunko dice? David, what'd you do with the dice? Why aren't they going my way? David, Bunko, Bunko? No. Here I am, just sitting alone, waiting for the numbers to go my way. Like every other night, just waiting for the Bunko to come home. I'll tell you what number I'm not going to play, 30. Not only is it not on the die, I don't respect it. Bunko, Bunko, Bunko, no, Bunko? No. Chef Penny cooked everything. Oh, yeah, everything at that party looked like a Chef Penny thing. It's like, well, look at this. It's tuna fish on a cracker. What are these? What are these? They're theirs, dude. I know. It's like, look, it's a carrot stick on a toothpick. Wow. It's a seven-layer dip, but three of the layers are hummus and two are are liver. David, Chef Penny. Consuelo is making canapace, and I said, can you pay? Can you? He's gonna talk. It might as well be, like, five in the morning with us on drugs, right? I know. Megan's like, will you promise to pay about whatever? Okay. Seriously? Seriously? Here's my waitress, French. You can help with the Bunko party. Seriously? Bunko? Seriously, Bunko? Seriously? Bunko, Bunko, Bunko? Oh, I only got two. Seriously? Seriously? Who does that? Who rolls a chew on a Bunko night? Seriously? I love that the staff of Vanderpump Rules is now catering to the Bunko party. Cristana. And she's like, you guys are going to leave it like you found it, right? And I'm like, oh, what does that mean? We don't clean, we're at janitors. Just look at that when they went to the catering party and there were shocks that they were expected to clean the kitchen after. They're like, what? Why would we do that? Kyle's like, would you please clean all of your mess off the countertops and try and get those foot stains of horses off to while you're there? Thanks. [LAUGHTER] So Shannon, oh, Megan said, I keep calling Megan Shannon even in my notes. So this is getting confusing, but Megan says she's reaching out. If I can't, I mean, we have to put it behind us. Like, I'm an asshole if I don't accept the olive branch. Right. Yeah. Pretty much. I just wish I knew what an olive branch was. It's that thing they grow a pump, right? Doesn't olive branch come from the olive garden? Because last time I went there, I tried to order and they didn't know what I was talking about. Isn't olive branch just a branch of an olive garden? I don't get it. [LAUGHTER] If this is an olive branch, where's the bread stack? This is an olive branch. Where's the bread stack? I mean, you promised it about, you know, whatever. Of course, she extends the only thing in the restaurant without free refills. [LAUGHTER] You know, the one thing I do like about this olive branch is that it has a lot of Tuscan detail. Oh, and then Heather was proving that she was one with the people again by talking to Megan and saying, "Have you guys seen Megan's rental house? It is so cute." I mean, what is it? Five bedrooms? That is so cute. I mean, I want to rent it. I mean, we need something for Collette until the cabinets are done. I mean, it's basically a studio. [LAUGHTER] So, I think it's time that we finally address the dark part of the episode, which is-- It's up to. We have to. Because, you know, I have things to say. So-- Be good, because I have nothing to say. Well, okay. So Vicki gets-- clearly gets some sort of text, whatever. She has to go to a landline. She goes to a landline. She's-- Breanne is on the phone from what we can deduce. And Vicki gets the phone call that I think pretty much most people fear the most, which is to learn that one of her parents, in this case, her mother, has died. And it's like one of those very raw reality TV moments, because Vicki just crumples over and is on the floor, and she's wheezing, and she's crying, and she's screaming. And it's like very, very sad and very emotional. And I'm like, "Oh, my God, this is awful." And everyone-- and then you're watching this people realize it. And so I'm almost like, for that moment, like, as much shit as we talk about Heather or any of these people, you know, when Heather called Terry, I was like, "I just called to say I love you." I thought that was like-- I don't know. Like, I thought it was, I thought, a moving moment, because that was real, you know, like bullshit aside, like, humans are humans, and death is death, et cetera, et cetera. Now, that being said-- I was like, "Wow, this is great, Ben. Glad you brought it up." That being said-- So sad. I felt terrible, but like, Nikki's intense mourning, it was so crazy, you know, over the top. I like-- I was like, both, like, I didn't know if I wanted to cry or to laugh, and I felt terrible for wanting to laugh, but she was understandably a spad. It was crazy. She was like, they're like, "What's wrong?" She's like, "My mother just died." It was like crazy. It was like, I didn't know people, like, acted that way, you know? And she-- I mean, whatever, you act the way you act. Yeah, it's a crazy thing. Yeah, she was like, throwing herself on the casket, as it's lowered into the back. It was all those things where I was like, I was like, I wanted to cry, but like, she was so crazy, and I don't hold it against her, but she was so crazy. It was almost comical. You know, Ben, I would have something to say about that, but the minute this happened, I did what I do when anybody in real life, like anybody-- when I get a phone call to anybody that I know has died, I just did the same thing in this episode. I turned on Facebook, masturbated for no reason, and pretended nothing was happening. That's great. Well, I was watching you with-- I was watching you with my dad, and we were both like-- I mean, we both were like, very moved by it, but at the same time, it's just like, I've just never seen anything like it. I mean, and then she-- I kind of-- she went into this crazy place of like, I can't believe she would die on me. I can't believe she would leave me, wake her up, wake her up. I need my mom. I'm like, she's like, I don't have parents. Who doesn't have parents? I'm like, well, I think all the orphans in the world really appreciated that moment. But, you know, we can't like ding her for-- I mean, she was in a crazy space, understandably. But that being said, her craziness was real crazy. Well, people online are freaking out about this, because they're calling shenanigans that-- they're saying that it's false, that she-- you know, it seems weird that she had to take a landline call, and then they're saying that it's crocodile tears, and this is all just done for the cameras and blah, blah, blah. I don't think so. I don't think so. I think that she got a text from Brianna, and she couldn't get reception in that house, because you know what it's like on a hill? And then you go, you know, she got a landline. Yeah, I don't call any shenanigans. And I don't. She doesn't need to call shenanigans on that, and that's crazy. What I am-- And I don't think that it was-- I don't think it was too bad showing her crying. I mean, yes, it may seem a little bit exploitive, but it's the real housewives of Orange County. I mean, we're lucky we didn't see Russell hanging from a fucking crap. Yeah, exactly. If that show was shooting, trust me. They would have put a light bulb in them, just kept the show going. I know. I did love-- I thought it was funny. Like, everyone was like, oh my god, like Vicky. And everyone was supporting her. And then Gina comes in, and Gina's just basically like, fuck up. She's like, all right, well, get it together. You've got to be strong for everyone. So get it together. Get it together. I'm like, damn, girl. God, no kidding. Let us shed a tear for like five seconds. Listen, here's what people hate on airplanes. Cryers, all right? Whether they're two-year-olds or whether they're 70. No one wants to hear you crying, all right? So fuck up and go to the airport. She's like, she's like, stop crying. Otherwise, your son will feel too bad for you to call you an asshole. All right, get it together. Also, Gina, we didn't even mention Gina. So Gina shows up to this party. It's always good to see her. Because you know, she's always stirring some shit up, even though she acts so innocent. But she shows up wearing a trash bag just in case. Because Tamara's there. And she says to you, Vicky, she's like, hey, Vicks. Yeah, I just got a text from Bruxy. I told him, just let us know if he needs anything. Is Gina just calling everybody's fucking husbands? What is wrong with her? Why is she so friendly with everybody's husbands? I don't like that. She loves to be friends with people like, she loves to be friends with the people who are outcasts, or people's husbands. I think she likes to have that position of power. I think it gives her some sort of power in her life. Because, you know, she's got that terrible husband, ex-husband situation at home. I don't know. I thought that was a little bit too. And the whole party was so sad. And it was a really fun episode until that. And it just made me so sad. Because, I mean, they even went to the effort of bringing in a new person for Vicky D'Elle. She didn't even get to do it. I know, she will. It's like, she will. What a waste of a little 30-year-old. I wonder what happened to Vicky's mom, though. You know, the phone call, he said, the Billy, Vicky's brother, said, I got home and I saw the car in the garage, and I knew something was wrong, and I'm upstairs, and I checked in on her and she wasn't, she was gone. I was wondering, did she leave the car on in the garage by accident or something like that? Like, I'm very curious. Oh, wait, she was in the garage? No, no. He said, if I remember correctly, he said he got home and he saw the car in the garage and knew something was wrong, but then he went up to the bedroom and found her. So, I wonder if maybe she left the car in the garage, and FEMA's got in the house? I don't know. I mean, this is just conjecture. But I was very curious. Oh, I don't know. I wonder if we would have heard it if it was that. Yeah, I mean, with all the talk of garages on this show, Megan was like $10 million. Oh, I mean, but will it have an ocean view and a three car garage? It's like, yeah. Why is that all they care about on this show? Why is there so much talk about garages on this show? So, it's only fitting that you would think that she died in a garage or a cabinet. I know. But it was still very sad, and the montage at the end was nice. It's too bad. But it looks like next week we get back to maybe some Vicki hating-- maybe Vicki will start hitting on Megan next week, which will be exciting, because that's going to come. That's going to come. Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles that you'll enjoy. Immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. There's more to imagine when you listen, and one title that I've been listening to is my friend, Neil J. Young's Coming Out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text "crapins" to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text "crapins" to 500-500. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. We're back to tell you more about the latest Dash Pass annual plan benefit. Streammax with ads included at no extra cost. You know what's a great night for us? Ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the max original hacks. Which one, best comedy? Deservedly so, and we'd love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart, but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu, who also is a huge Bravo fan. Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks, but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza, sometimes it's a salad, and I can get both with DoorDash. How about some ice cream? That's what I like to eat with my hacks. 100% I will double Dash. I will get a salad and then double Dash some ice cream. Why not? Sign up for a Dash Pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. Streammax with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply, see DoorDash.com/maxfor details. I'm sorry I'm drinking this Starbucks, because I stopped feeling dizzy. Now I was like, "Oh God, I can't do this." I had to start thinking. All right, so that's it for Orange County this week. So we can go down some more memory lane. One thing that we can do, I have actually the very first episode that we recorded. I have it queued up and... Oh, erm, yeah. So for those of you who listened to this podcast, you know that we have our own theme song that we put together in GarageBand. But before... By we, Ben means him. He did that whole thing by himself. Thank you very much. I did do it. I recorded it. And then I sent the file to Ronnie because I wanted him to put on some vocals. But he never did. I couldn't do it because I kept getting high and then I would listen to it. And I'm like, "This is so good." I've listened to it probably 9,000 times now, but I had never added it. It's really, it's surprisingly catchy. I don't know how I pulled that one off. But before we used to... It's good how it is. Before we used to do that song, we used to actually just choose songs, like real songs. And then we realized, "Oh wait, this we probably should stop putting, you know, copy written stuff on." So for the first show, do you have any idea of what our first theme song was? It's so random. I'm going to guess David. Were we psyched? Did we know that Shannon would be coming to our lives back then? We knew. We knew ahead of time. We knew. It was just... It was just the sound of wind flowing through her chandeliers. Just some chimes. No, it was that song by like, of "Mison Man" or whatever. So this is... This is "Mison Man." You know that song that retarded guy gets strangled by his brother? You know that's like... You're going to hear it. You're going to hear it. This is how... Listen to the awkward beginnings of episode one of "Watch What Crap." It's actually... This is technically episode two. This is going to be so awkward. I don't want to hear it. Episode one famously... Famously, Ronnie, Matt, and I... We recorded episode one. We had a great... This amazing first episode. And then the file got corrupted. And so we did an entire episode. And we never even aired it because it was lost. So episode one. This is really episode 201, what we're listening to. Okay. So this is the... This is the awkward beginnings, okay? You may hear the tail end of the gameplay ad. In-day trial. Hey everyone. This is Ben from bsideblog.com. And you are listening to "Watch What Crap Is?" A new podcast that's about everything Bravo. And joining me today is Ronnie Karam from tvguysm.com. So... And normally we would have Matt Whitfield from Yahoo here with us. But he got called into the office because he has to write something about the Oscar nominations or some sort of crap like that. Whatever. That's not even on our first one. What the hell? And I love how you were from TV right there. I love how you were from tvguys. Gonna come out with the silent housewives and finally win my damn Emmy. Oh, I would love that. That would be really interesting. You know, Vicki Gunville son would be great for that. She's got a very expressive face. Same kind he's had for most the other women. They don't really have much movements. Vicki's boob scars say so much. Oh my god. Wow. Wow. Well, I guess we got right into shape very quickly. Yeah. This could be like 100 years ago and I would still be making the same jokes. On episode 1000 I'll still be making Vicki square boobs, boobs, car jokes. I know. That was so funny. So what a random theme song, first of all. Well, I don't know why that got to be our first theme song. And then our old... That was before we had proper microphones. I think that was when we were recording through our laptop speaker of microphones. Like and you were from Ronnie Karen from tvgasm.com when tvgasm used to exist. Yeah. Back in the day before I ran it into the ground. And Matt was... That's so funny that Matt wasn't on our first episode. He was on our first episode, but that got corrupted. But he wasn't on our first premiere episode. On our first premiere episode. And it was also only 54 minutes long. How times have changed. Matt's actually still on this show. He's just busy writing for you. Who every time we write. That's right. He's still a co-host. Yeah. He's still here. He's just never here. Yeah. Oh, Maddie. Oh, Maddie, Matt, Matt. Do you want to go through some of these other shows that we love that we have our... Oh, the past. The past. Yeah, so let's roll around in the past, shall we? Let's roll around in the past. Should we talk about... Where did we leave off with our shows? We talked about New Jersey. I think we did New Jersey. I remember screaming about chicken salad before this ending. Yeah, we did. We talk about marriage medicine when we talk about the latest episode. So we can... What about blood, sweat, and heels? I think my favorite thing that came out of my blood, sweat, and heels was this season. You really honed in on it was Demetri Hill. Always going, "It's a big deal." It's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. I'm getting married. It's a big deal. That's a big deal. I love doing Arzo voice too, but we didn't really have a joke with her. We would always be like, "Yes, Cindy and I are gonna go and hang out right now." And then Demetri would be like, "It's a big deal. It's a big deal." You're not that kind of person. It's my honor, you're bald. 'Cause you're now, like, wow. It's a big deal. What about Real Housewives of Atlanta? You know, it's funny. Real Housewives of Atlanta, Bravo's most popular housewives franchise. You know, we pretty much have two jokes that come out of that one. Because it's hard to make jokes about it, but the two jokes that we have from it are really some of our most evergreen things that we ever do, right? Riley. Starting with Riley. I thought you were gonna do, I thought you were gonna- Riley! I thought you were gonna start with Mama Joyce, but we can start with- I mean, Riley, so here's the thing. For anyone who is like new to the podcast, if you ever hear the Riley impersonation, it's the most bonkers impersonation that we do. Because Candy Burris, her voice goes in so many directions all at once. Here, just listen to her. Listen, this is- So we always go like, "See, now, Riley." Like, Riley was talking. I was like, "I don't know." Because, like, this, and like, "Mama was making me cry a little bit." And I was like, "Rally, let me see the tide." It's always like up and down, up and down. She cries, like, when a straw is coming in and out of McDonald's cup. That's exactly what I'm talking about. And in case you don't believe us, here is an actual soundbite from Candy. I say something about you, Nanny. It's like, "Oh, she didn't know it." You know what I mean? Riley. Riley. Riley. Riley. You know what I'm talking about? And actually, I felt like Mary to Medicine this week was paying tribute to Real Housewives of Atlanta, because I don't know if you noticed in that big brawl at the restaurant, Quad started screaming. That is wrong! That is wrong, Lisa Nicole! I'm like, "Mama, Joy, that is a wrong candy!" Oh, God. She's certainly dead. Certainly dead. Yeah, here's what I'm hearing on the streets now. Come on, being up in Todd's business. I didn't say I heard it on the street. Todd, I heard on the street. Todd met his mother, Todd's mother met the father when she was selling herself on the street. And he became her pimp! And that is wrong! One of my favorite parts of that is what's her name? Phaedra! When Phaedra first came on the show and she's like, "I'm a lawyer!" And she's talking about what a serious lawyer she is in this and that. And then you see the name tag on her desk, which is like from a Photoshop font. Or it's like from a backpink font. From Comic Sans or the Zap Chancery. Yeah. And it's like one of those medieval times font or whatever. And then she's like, "I've got to meet a client." And then they sew her in the parking lot, taking a bag of cash from that drug dealer. It's all here. He's like, "Yes ma'am," she's like, "That's right." I taught him to say ma'am because I'm a Southern bale. Phaedra was so shady that this is by far to me the funniest one. Yes. Not by far because Melbourne is pretty funny too. But Atlanta, I die watching it later. New York! New York, I think. New York is the funniest to me. New York cracks me up each and every time. I mean, every single thing about New York City makes me laugh. The Real House has a New York. I mean, Atlanta's really funny too. Atlanta's really funny. But New York to me, that's exactly where my... That's my tickle bone. New York. Well, they all make me laugh. I really like all of these shows. The only one I think on this list that I don't truly, truly love is Blood, Sweat, and Heal so far. And Married to Medicines up and down too. Yeah, Married to Medicines had such a good first season when there was Kerry who was like Duncan, Duncan. Duncan struggled with this for 30 years. You know, I can't do British accents anymore. They're all Australia now. I've struggled with this for 30 years. Duncan, I have struggled. This has been a personal struggle of mine for 30 years. You stupid whore. Married to Medicines for me, like the only joke that I make consistently is either Quad going, "Absolutely not!" Or just Toyota. Oh, what I should've did. What I should've did is send UJ into Fat Camposuna. Oh, cause the drug cause I said, "I'll take a lose weight if you did that." Cause I have came here for that. Also Quad making terrible metaphors. Yes, it is. Rain and luck is raining men on a day where women are allowed in the why. It's like, "What are you talking about, lady?" There's a cactus in the candy shop, man. I'll tell you one thing. Mom is not bringing us sunglasses. This is clean, it's a clean machine. Okay, so it's a bad- Yeah, it's a French- There was a French to English dictionary sitting on my desk and I'll tell you one thing. There's no bomb ball near it. What? Are you in Spanish class? Because you translate the lunch. That makes no sense, Quad. But thank you for talking really loudly. It's like if she says it really loudly and then like rolls her head around, then she thinks it's a real thing. Yeah, exactly. She's like, "Are we in a toy shop?" "Are we in a toy shop?" Because you certainly have a monopoly on not having a clue. Sorry, Candyland. That was way too intelligent. It's not actually a doubt with that, it's a matter of minutes. It should have changed halfway through. She'd been like, "Are we in a toy shop?" Because last time I checked, airplanes were flying in the water. What? Yeah, exactly. You are standing on your last leg, like someone in a wheelchair. Like, actually they're sitting down. But thanks for saying that really loudly and rolling your head, Quad. You are reaching, you are reaching like three bars of soap stacked one on top of the other. It's like, Quad, you're just looking at things. Yeah, but we'll get to that. Because we are talking about that today. Oh, yeah. In hour five. We have married to medicine. Yeah, yeah. But before we get to marriage medicine, can we just take a moment to remember Princess's Long Island? Um, I will never forget Princess's of Long Island. Ever. Ever. You know, I'm sort of like the hottest girl in the north shore. Sorry. Yeah, I'm the hottest girl in the north shore. So I have the hottest guy, naturally. I mean, does anybody else have a boyfriend that looks like Kramer from Seinfeld? No, it's like I'm the hot one. Do you remember Amanda's mom was bad? She's like, Amanda, when you're going to get married, where's your, where's your soda? Cowsie. Do you remember how mortified Matt was? I think it was here for that. It was, I think it was Matt who was mortified when she had the soon-to-be son in law, whatever, over for dinner. And she had salad dressing. That was me. I was the one who was mortified. I was like, I can't believe she served wishbone dressing. And people supported me. I was like, here she is having a nice dinner. And she puts a wishbone salad dressing bottle on the table. And I have to impress. Sorry, I got it. I have to impress Amanda's boyfriend. It's not every day we have a celebrity in here. Okay, I want you to treat my daughter like you treat this wishbone. Just keep squeezing it until you're covered. Rosa Babs. Remember Babs was always trying to be sexy. She's like, Welcome to my home for dinner. I'm in a bikini. I still got it, right? My daughter's like a battle of wishbone dressing. Once you break the seal, no returns. You never know if it's bad or not until you swallow it. Just like her. Of course, I think one of my other favorite parts of marriage medicine was when Ashley and Lauren or Joey had a fight. And Joey was like, "Oh yeah, you're real funny." And she's like, "Funny looking." And she's like, "Oh my god, I can't believe you just said that." That's a bad idea, baby. Who said that to stuff, buddy? You just talked about my looks. Who talks about a person's looks? Dad, who? Please. So in our reality, the only two things that still come back consistently from Princess's Long Island is Dad help me. And also, shake it, shake it. Our dad. Her dad watching her walk around. Yes, shake it, baby. Yes, and stay and stop it. Shake it, baby. Help me. Send a plane. Send a chat. Send a chat to the next down over. The girls are being mean to me. Help me. He's like, "Well, what do you want me to do, honey? Are you shaking it?" She's like, "Yes, dad. Put my name in the plane." "I'm shaking it as hard as I shake the bottle of wishbone. Help, man." Like, "Can you make it to Islip, honey? I've got a Southwest waiting for you." I like when she was driving through that town and she called her dad. And she's like, "Dad, I'm not sure what's going on here. I don't want to get out of the car, dad. It's horrible here. There's couches on the porch. Dad, there's couches on the porch. Dad, help, man. I just want to be back and out of that car. Just don't shake it. All right, just don't shake it. Dad, I just want to be back in the living room in the silver furniture looking out the circular window. Dad, help, man. And the poor mom all alone in the corner. Love that show. Bring that one back, Bravo, please. I know that a man just- Oh, and Chantal crying. Chantal crying all the time. Chantal, she wants us to get married. What's her name? Chantal, Chantal. It's Chantal, right. Chantal, Chantal. She's crying all the time because she wants to get married, but she can't get married. So anything to do with marriage, she starts sobbing. Like when she was in that wedding, she's like, "I would like to say I'm so proud of my sister." But being touchable, basically. I mean, she's got a lot of positive things, but the most positive thing about her is that when people touch her, they don't turn to salt and then just fly away in the air. So congratulations to you. I'm happy for you guys. I think Mascara's streaming down her face. Or how about that other girl, the one who is like the blonde one, who's still met Erika because Erika asked the guy to the prom that she wanted to go to the prom. Was it still her prom date or something? Who has then got rumored to be having a fair with Jay-Z? I don't even know how that happened. Wait, is that the same girl with a drink, cozy? No, no, no, the drink-cozy one is Amanda. That's Babs' daughter. No, I'm talking about this other girl. I forget her name, but she was rumored to have been having a fair with Jay-Z. And she's the one whose boyfriend was stolen by Erika for the prom. Oh, that's hilarious. I'll never forget that drink, cozy. Yeah. It's like a piece of cloth. She's like, everybody needs this because everybody has a drink and your drink needs something around it. You know, so it doesn't sweat. I'm like like a koozy. Which sounds exactly like cozy. How about you put a napkin? It's a drink hanky. It's a drink hanky. Oh, it's a drink hanky. That's right. The drink hanky. Oh, you see my memory. We can't do anniversary shows because I don't remember shit that happened, okay? I know. Nothing. What about what were our favorite parts from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? I think it has to be. Oh my god. Yolanda? Bela. I think probably, well, Chef Penny was fun, but we've probably done enough. Chef, Chef Penny, on the show. Chef Penny is unbanned for 10 anniversaries. Yeah, we actually already covered our Vanderpump rule favorite stuff. We just folded that right into Orange County. Yeah. This one, Beverly Hills over the years has had so many amazing things. And I think our favorite things have been Chef Penny and just basic Yolanda Foster stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And Yolanda speeches at every meal, even when it's not about her at all. It'll be like somebody else's birthday and she'll stand up and go. Oh, happy birthday. I would like to thank David because without David, without David's hard work, we wouldn't have been able to afford the driver who I'm teaching English to right now, by the way, because you have to know English in this country. We wouldn't have been able to afford him and, apparently, they drove me here from the house in Balibu, which is for sale and also comes complete with the man selling little mermaid towels on the lawn. Okay. You know, when I was in, you know, it was so funny. Well, it's not really funny, but when I was in Target last week, they have like a huge tech population. And every time, like any time you came indoors, you had to like check for checks. And every single time I was thinking about Yolanda, I was thinking like, oh, no, the Lyme disease, David. I would like to thank David for giving me the cure to Lyme disease. And even though it hasn't worked yet, I know that my love has made the perfect cure. And the cure is just more love from David, my love. David, my love. You know, no one has clamped on to me like David, except for that tick. So I would like to thank David for clamping to me almost like, I would like to thank Mohammed for giving me to David at that dinner party when he's will put in the bowl. And I was a party favor. So thank you, David. Thank you. I also would like to thank Mohammed for giving me the genes to have such a beautiful daughter in Gigi. She's such a beautiful, wonderful girl. And you know, Bella has a nice personality. I would like to thank Mohammed for giving me everything. You know, when David first took me to the movies, he took me to see the others. And I said, I don't want to watch them only Gigi. And he said, no, it's not about your children. And I said, OK, I will go. And we fell in love. I remember when I first saw four weddings in a funeral. And I was like, oh, look, it's a movie about Gigi and Bella. You know, because it's four movies about Gigi and one about Bella. How lovely. Oh, I remember when-- Well, I'm trying to think of the movie name. I'm-- I remember seeing it. I'll let it down. You know what I loved? I loved that movie, The English Patient. It was such a beautiful movie. Because it was basically about a beautiful woman, like Gigi, being caught in a cave with red fines. While, you know, this other ugly, burnt figure, it talks to Julia Pinnoch. And that's how it's me. It was like Bella and Anwar talking. When I turned on my TV, when David gave me a kiss and went to sleep, thank you for that, David. I would like to thank David for having the TV on the channel that was playing to other sister. Because I was watching it alone in bed. And when Rosie came-- when Rosie O'Donnell came on playing the other sister, I said to myself, they got it right this time. So thank you, David. The first time I saw poltergeist, I thought it was a movie about Gigi. Because when the little girl said they're here, I was like, oh, Gigi is here. I'm so excited. But then it was a ghost. And I realized it was just about Bella. My second poltergeist reference of a podcast. I'd like to know. I have ghosts on the brain. You love those poltergeist references. That's been like a six months of poltergeist reference. Because everyone on Bravo reminds me of poltergeist. Scary girl with skeletons. You know what? Everything on Bravo reminds me of Peanut M&M, which I'm about to have some of. So thank you, David. Yeah. Thank you, David. Yeah, and by the way-- Oh, listen, I don't have Lyme disease. OK, I have chronic Lyme disease. Every time I'm sitting in my bed watching the other sister, I can hear the clock ticking. Oh, I hate time. I hate that one bangle song that starts with them going time, time, time. I'm like, no, don't remind me. You know what? You know what painter I hate the most is Dali. Because he paints all those clocks melting. I'm like, good. Let those clocks melt. You cannot turn back time. OK, Cindy Lappa? The worst part about that song is that just when you think the time is over, there's more time after the time. [LAUGHTER] I wish that I didn't get hurt by a tick. And instead, I got hit by a snooze. That would be way easier to deal with. By the way, Yolanda's insta this week is insta. [LAUGHTER] Insta? [LAUGHTER] She's checking the insta. Yolanda's just going on insta. On-- Yolanda has stopped taking pictures of her feet for some reason. I don't know why. Because I was really loving, though. She's like, look at these shoes. There were only $9,000. OK, I'm one of you, David. [LAUGHTER] Oh my god. Even Yolanda's saying David now. David, David, David, David. David, David, I would like to thank David, David. David was honored in Time Magazine, and I'm so conflicted. [LAUGHTER] Sorry, go on. [LAUGHTER] Her insta isn't-- [LAUGHTER] Isn't that her feet this week? It's her in an oxygen chamber. It's basically Yolanda, like, in her own refrigerator, that giant refrigerator that she kept. She's like, put me right between the pineapple and the ham, OK? [LAUGHTER] Yes, the oxygen chamber will solve Lyme disease. By the way, we can't have a nostalgic view of Real House of Beverly Hills without, first of all, some talk about Kim Richards. And really, basically, I can just play this one clip, and that will sum it all up. I want you to tell me, oh, you OK? And then I see you outside the door. You're like, oh, she knows again. [LAUGHTER] Classic Kim. And then, of course-- That was-- actually, of course, Kim is one of our all-time favorites from Beverly Hills. I can't believe I almost forgot to bring up Kim. Yeah. I didn't bring up Kim because she's still so in every podcast. Yeah. It feels like we don't even need to bring her up, I mean. Come on. She sent-- [LAUGHTER] That's all you have to say. [LAUGHTER] Sorry, I was swallowing my M&M. I was so rude to eat on the podcast. That's all you have to say. That's what Kim says. She's like, I'm not drunk. I'm just swallowing M&M. They're like, I got my throat. I have to kick. You have two M&M's. Yes. I was going M&M's. I got the new paint thinner M&M's, you know? Was it two Madison Square Gardens filled with vodka? Was it Madison Square Garden and Madison Square Garden filled up with Grey Goose? Is that your two M&M's, Kim? [LAUGHTER] What are you talking about? [LAUGHTER] I just wish that we could have been there at that wedding when she went off on the entire-- Oh, I know. --from family. I know. I want-- I wish-- I can't believe no one was recording that. And you know-- Hey, I just-- I wanted to give my own vows. [LAUGHTER] You're not getting married, Kim. I promise. All right. Hi, my name is Kim, all right. So anybody who thinks that I'm afraid of rehab, there you go, tell your friends. [LAUGHTER] On June, I vow-- [LAUGHTER] Have I got what we were talking about? What is the bar? Oh, my God. Fuck you. Fuck you. Hey, mother of the-- mother of the groom. Go fuck yourself. [LAUGHTER] I'm glad it's Julia Roberts is my plus one, but she didn't show up. Can I have her kind of champagne? [LAUGHTER] I love you, Kim. Come back. There was an article this week where Kim is in rehab telling everybody. I didn't get fired from Beverly Hills. I quit. You know, they said, hey, Kim, you want to come back to Beverly Hills? And I said, oh, heck no. I ain't paying for this lease anymore. Screw it. What do I need Beverly Hills for? So I told her, you can just keep it. All right. Keep it. I'll just picture friends in an alley for all you people. [LAUGHTER] She's like, I have the only reason I had fires, because I wanted to quit. I didn't know how to quit. I didn't know how to quit. So then I turned to Jake's journal, and I was like, listen. Let's go off to where I'm going to have our gay love affair in the tent, because I can't quit you, OK? You're sure this shows documenting my downfall and made me look stupid in front of everybody? But there's no way I would quit. Until one time I was making chicken salad with my hands and the food department showed up and tried to make the book gloves on. Or use a wood spoon, I said, fuck it, I'm out of here. Screw you guys. Get out of here, Kingsley. We're leaving. Cameras is in, cameras is a little mannies under a finger. [LAUGHTER] Have you got a problem with a cholomilo estimate? [LAUGHTER] So by the way, my all-time favorite sound bite from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was when Lisa and Ken were renewing their vows, I think. And it was happening the same night that news was coming through. The Adrienne and Paul were heading to divorce. And so Mauricio and Camille Grammer were talking about it. And Camille was trying to articulate her thoughts, but she couldn't-- so Mauricio just talks for her. And this is, honestly, my favorite thing of all time. I love writing. Somebody else's. Yeah, I went from the same day that we hear about our friends' split. Yeah, so upsetting. I know. [LAUGHTER] She's like, at one point, she just starts repeating. I got to listen to it again. Now how sad that we're going to be celebrating-- Somebody else's. Yeah, I went from the same day that we hear about our friends' split. Yeah, so upsetting. I know. He's like, the same day. She's like, same, same day. It's like someone trying to sing along, like, when they're like a little bit behind the lyrics. It's like Julie Chen trying to run Big Brother. And she doesn't have that headset in her ear. She's just like, beat, beat. There's no programming right here. For Julie Chen, I had a major Chen bot problem this week. God bless her heart. God bless her heart. There were a lot of good-- that actual night, I remember that, when Adrienne's like, hey, guys. Was that the party? No, no. She showed up to the white party. That's right. What party did she show up? Where she had just gotten a divorce? And she sat on a white couch and got tanner all over it. That was Lisa's house, right? Yeah, that was a Lisa's house. Yeah, that was at Lisa's anniversary party, right? When she's like, I know Lisa and I hate each other. And I would have congratulated her on this whole thing. Brother, I'm getting divorced. Lisa's like, congratulations, Ken. We get a new couch for our anniversary, darling. It was covered in crap. And once you sent her that Thanksgiving day float to the white restaurant, she's like, thanks a lot. I haven't meet your party. It's a giant turkey to put on the table. Here's some turds with some moss on top of it. Enjoy. Anyway, should we go on to Merritt to Medicine? Yes. Oh, I was going to say I'm done with favorites from that, but we can talk about the actual episode. Yeah, well, yeah, we can do. Let's talk about some Merritt to Medicine this episode. Oh my gosh. Well, we can move a little faster on this one, right? We don't need a-- Nothing really. OK, basically for the first 20 minutes, nothing happened, right? We can agree. It was like-- Well, there's a lot of fat shaming. OK, Jackie just crossed over now from just-- if someone comes into your office and they are obese, of course your doctor is going to tell you, you're fat. You've got to lose weight. That's what doctors do. I get it. But going up to people who are not in your office and calling them fat is not cool, OK? Mrs. Hoxtable, stopping. Yeah. She's a little out of control. The first 25 minutes of the episode was just like, Heavenly, who is going to go? I did eat and, Lord, I chose a blue dresser. She thought I'd be too big. Heavenly's like, I'm a relationship expert, man. So I'm everybody to understand that I'm the relationship expert. And if they want to see proof, I've got my online certificate ready to whip out of my pocket. [LAUGHTER] Your school of the Phoenix Online, get the fuck out of here with your online certificate, your nerd. I don't think anyone ever asks for a certificate. If you call yourself a relationship expert, people know that title is so dumb that they're not even going to ask for a degree or a certificate. Yeah, they don't need to see your degree because you've already got assholes stamped on your forehead. And then she's talking about what a relationship expert she is. And she's like, well, we have date night, don't we, baby? And he's like, silent, not talking. And she's like, now see the key to a perfect relationship. It's Mary-Man who doesn't speak. And then he just sits there. And he's like, I don't like this working that you're doing. She's like, well, honey, I would have to disagree. And sometimes I just don't listen to my husband. He's like, no. I said, no. She's like, OK, we'll talk about it later. So basically, the key to a serious relationship is having a husband who never speaks unless he's bossing you around, in which case you won't listen. And they pretend not to fight on camera. Great job. Yeah, great job. Well done, well done. Gonna work out great, guys. I see this going far. So let's see. The other thing was, yeah, it was basically a toy. Oh, yeah. Toya, Toya and Eugene were like-- Toya's like, Eugene, oh, we need to have some matching fitness where Eugene-- well, I should have-- was I should have got one big army T-shirt for you and one small one for me. And then we should have been a team together. And then we could have half came here as a team. Hey, Eugene, if we go to this jib big and she said, fed it, fed it, fed it. And you looking stupid, and she said, get close, it don't fit. We both look stupid, Eugene. What I should have did was gone to buy you some clothes. And he's like, no, baby, don't buy anything else, please. She's like, well, I should have got a big house. Well, you could wear the guest room. You could wear the guest room with your shorts, Eugene. What I should have did is fill up the ambulance with matching shirts. That's what I should have did for Eugene. And Eugene is hilarious, because he's a fucking doctor. OK, for Christ's sake, he's a doctor man. Come on. He's fat as hell, which you know I love in a man. I don't care. I'm fat as hell too. But he's this big guy. He's a fucking doctor. And then they're telling him, Eugene, you've got to lose weight. And he goes, yeah, maybe I got like 20 pounds, 20 pounds. That was the size of your last steak, bit. You do not have 20 pounds. Christ times five, Miss 30-year-olds. Yeah. Eugene, Eugene. It's the same way Lisa explains her age on Wikipedia. It's like, listen, putting it on Wikipedia doesn't make it true, all right, Eugene? Yeah, Eugene, you've got to work on that a little bit more. So should we just get to like-- I agree with him, though, that when people like Jackie, who are probably naturally thin anyway, and also have a predisposition to enjoying working out, like some people enjoy it. They like working out. They wake up. They do it because it's their hobby, not because they have to. And he's like, this skinny bitch, it's never been fat in her life. She does not understand what fat people go through. And that's true. I would like to see Dr. Jackie go through one of those tests like that guy, that personal trainer who is always on fat people. And then finally, he gained 100 pounds on purpose, and then lost it again to see how hard it is. I mean, spoiler alert. He was still a dick afterwards. But still, I would like to see Jackie go through that process. Well, yeah, I mean, I will say, as much as Jackie was fat, I mean, this episode, there was a lot of pushback. They were all giving Jackie shit on the interviews, talking about how she doesn't know the struggle and everything. And Heavenly was really shady. Heavenly was like, ah, curves. She's like, Jack, it's like a boy, you know? Yeah. They were definitely the resounding voice of the episode was Jackie has crossed the line, and she's being crazy. And then she goes and she was. Yeah, she was. Yeah. And that's all true. And Jackie's just evil because she has this party, OK? She's having this physical fitness party where she invites all these obese people and her friends, OK? So she makes them all come to this gym party. And then she makes it this evil test where she puts out like sliced bell peppers next to a pizza. Like first of all, what dumb fat bitch is not going to know to eat a bell pepper? And of course, Mama June comes in there. And she's like pizza. It's like they go straight for the pizza. And then she's like, well, that is a problem that we will have to discuss at some point. Stop putting it in front of them. Well, I mean, the funny part was like half the people were also like, all right, I know you're trying to test me. But you know what, though, I don't care. I'm failing the test. I'm going for the pizza, which is exactly what it's like. Fuck that. You got a pizza here. Thanks for catering this shit. I come every day. I know. It is it. Oh, and then we have-- not Toya. Did I call her Toya? I met Simone. Toya. They have this scene where Toya's twin erkels are sitting there. And she comes in and she's like, boys, why are you playing your games instead of doing your homework? Which I like how she talks to everything is like some kind of-- it's about to be a big speech, but it's not. She's like, your homework. And then dad said we could play a game. And she's like, well, just to show you how hard work pays off, at least a mother rowdy I can't afford. Oh, wait, what? Hey, that's Elise. Be your broke last year. You can't afford that shit. And then she says, I would have-- some people asked the husband. But I don't need to ask him, because he would have studied up on all the better cars. And I don't want to study. I'm like, you know that you're saying this as you're telling your kids that they need to go study, right? What the fuck kind of lesson is this? Yeah, I'm like, oh, I'm so excited that you are a doctor. You're like, I don't need to read any medical journals. I just-- I'll just do surgery. That's sexy. Just goes and cuts everything up. I buy cars like I cut into women blindly. Head first. It's the trash thing. No, but I love Simone. I do too. She cracks me up, and she deserves that maserati, even if she can't afford it. Now-- Listen, I say this. These people need to watch some housewives before they start spending money like this. You see what happened to Brandy, right? It's like you're fired. And then the next-- like the very next headline is, well, like a lot of dead people in Yemen or something. But then the headline after that was Brandy looking for a new rental, because she can't afford her rental. Bitch, we told you-- are you listening to this show? I told you in the very beginning, what are you doing in that rental? Get out of that rental. You cannot afford that. You and Kim both. Kim's going to be homeless, too. She's like-- [MUSIC PLAYING] --in the Valley, darling. So anyway, so the big thing this episode was that-- You said Nicole. --and Quad decided to meet-- Because they didn't-- It's Nicole. [LAUGHTER] I noticed one thing. They were showing at the clips from last week. And I feel like I might have said this before, but it's not a joke, so don't worry. But if I didn't say it before-- I mean, if I did say it before, I'm sorry. But just in case I didn't, I noticed this week that in that argument she was having with Darren, who, by the way, looks like he has David run eyes, basically. He has those like, I need to get the fuck out of here right now, eyes at all times. And he's always trying to say the nicest thing, but he can't because he's fucked other people. But anyway, when they were having that argument in the kitchen and he's like, baby, why don't you just stop bringing it up? And she's like, you know what, I would appreciate if you would stop bringing up a fairs. And I'd love to hear her issue. It's not that he's having a fairs. It's that he's bringing them up all the time. Yeah. Have your affairs, but you have to bring them up when I'm trying to teach my staff to put the hangers on the hanger right. Lisa Nicole, does that go in clearance? By the way, I had the perfect Lisa Nicole voice going on earlier today, but I'm drinking my coffee. And now it is completely gone, and I sound like I'm going through puberty. Lisa Nicole? That's the kind of house we've got. Lisa Nicole is not going on the clearance rack. We start at Ross dress for less. If you're still on the bottom and you can't go lower, there won't be going lower. Oh, somebody threw us on the ground at Ross dress for less. We are lower. This is unacceptable. Under the pots and pans, that's not even the right section. Why are we by the plastic Paris sign? Well, Lisa Nicole does not go by the sexy diva martini glasses that have a feather attached to the base. That's another one of my favorite orange county things that we didn't mention, but Gretchen's shopping in the Ross dress for less for home decor. However, that's my favorite. Laid, this painting says Paris in five languages, however. However, please, Gretchen, shut up. Shut up. You're stupid, which is also to be followed with. Be fine. He's nothing at her. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. You're stupid. Shut up. All right. So then we get to this Lisa Nicole and Quad thing. This was hilarious. Yeah. Quad, the whole the whole setup of it was hilarious. I just love this entire thing. Quad pretending to be nice and calling Lisa Nicole. Hey, girl, this is Quad. I'm driving my car like a horse rider. Lisa Nicole's like, hi, Quad. Hi, Quad. I was hoping we could get together for some lunch because I'm hungry than a walrus that just ate a giraffe. I thought I actually would. I'm hungry than a walrus at Club Med. I am hungry than a toucan with the wrapping paper. And Lisa Nicole's like, well, I am surprised to hear from you. But I'm very excited because we should put this beside us because I didn't mean to hurt you. And Quad's like, I know I can't wait to see you for lunch. I look forward to seeing you like a blind man looks forward to hearing stuff. So they arrive at, I don't know where it was. It's like that Bennegan's outdoor patio of the Bennegan's. Yeah. It was like Rosa, Mexico, or some variation thereof. And it was hilarious because when the women see each other, they are acting like they are old pals. Like, hey, Quad's like, how are you looking fine? Look at one of them, oh, yes, come on, come on in for a hug. Let's have a hug. Oh, yeah, come on, great to see you guys. You're wearing black, what you going to a funeral? Lisa Nicole's like, well, I hope it's a funeral. I hope that this fight dies and we can bury it. Girl, I would love to bury somebody. I want to bury somebody like a dog. Bares a trisket in a tree, girl. Baring it like a snail in a crab shack. My favorite ice cream is berry. Let's bury. Let's do it. So they're acting like best friends. And then she says, now Lisa Nicole. And then Quad goes into her Martin Luther King speech. I love when Quad goes into speeches. She's like, Lisa Nicole. Now, here is how I see friendship. I look at friendship like a man looks through a telescope to see an ocean. OK, right. I just want you to know that the only reason I hired a background investigation was because we were going to do business with you. I was never doing business with you. But, you know, I was helping you. And how do you know I wasn't going to offer? How I don't know anybody not going to offer? What am I going to just start answering group on emails because they emailing me every day with office? No, I'd be riding a group on like a crazy person. Who runs the group on, girl? Like, oh my god, you know this fight is going downhill right at the beginning. Because as I've said a zillion times, when anybody is smiling that widely and being that nice, they're about to murder you. Yeah, and it did go down because basically, you know, it's interesting, Lisa Nicole did sound a little shady. Because if it was just that Lisa Nicole was giving advice and taking quad under her wing a little bit, if she was going to do a background check, like due diligence is different than a background check, first of all. Second of all, if they weren't actually in business, if they weren't like, oh, we were going to embark on a business thing, then Lisa Nicole was doing a background check on spec to see if she wanted to invest, which is also a little shady. But that being said, I don't think it's shady enough to cause this giant rift. I think it's just one of those things that's like poor form. And Quad should be like, whatever, it's shady, it's stupid. Well, especially when you can run a background check for $9.99 online, I've done it for people. I mean, you can find out everything about somebody for $10. David, what's the big deal? You know, it's like, you googled me? Oh, next thing, Google Alert's going to go off like a siren. And it's going to say Quad something. David, your Google Alert's gone off and said Quad something. Is that the woman from the beach? David, you're using your Gmail again. David, no contact with the outside world. No. You know that this started. It's some party they were at last year. And Lisa Nicole saw Quad talking to her husband drunk. And that's all she needed. That's what it was. And ran a background check. That's what it was. 100%. So they start fighting. And Quad is like, well, I don't know how she even segued into this. She's like, she bases like I found a battery charge. Oh, yes. Yeah, she's like, oh, well, have we talked about the affairs? Yes, like for two years now. Have we talked about how you almost had cancer that one time? It's like, what are you trying to hold the cancer exactly here? And then it switched to boom, illegitimate child. He has an illegitimate child with some other woman. Yeah, exactly. And that's what's at least off the most. And then Lisa went crazy. Yeah, that was some hood rap bitch like you. Whoa. And then Quad, all of a sudden, Quad's like, don't disrespect me, don't disrespect me. Don't use that language around me. Well, this is after Quad has now dragged Lisa and her husband through the mud with this like, with this, this accusation. And then she takes a fence being called a hood rap bitch. Yeah, well, she didn't even care about the hood rap part. She just cared about the bitch part. Oh, yeah. You call me a bitch. And she's like, I caught you a hot rap bitch. And she's like, but a bitch. Yeah. She wonders about the bitch part. Yeah, I love it. I love it. I wear it. But then Lisa Nicole, then she just goes totally crazy. And she's like, what about the lesbian affair? And she throws the water in Quad's face. And then it's on. I mean, she's flung through. That was a full glass of water at Quad God dast. And they start yelling. And they're right up in each other's faces. And there are two people eating at this restaurant outside there. And they don't even care. They don't even turn around to look. They are just eating. It was amazing. And that's welling. Oh, you know, it's the show. So of course they're fighting. It's two women filming a reality show. I'm looking to see what happened in this-- Well, the thing is, what's funny is, then Lisa Nicole explains to us, she's like, she's like, yeah, I mean, everyone knows that Quad and Mariah had a lesbian affair. And then the show just keeps on going. And they never mention it ever again. I'm like, what? Oh, you're just my god. When everyone was saying that in comments as a joke, like these two women are acting like broken up lesbians, which I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure. But that is not cute. That is some violence right there. I'm like, wow, I've been through a couple of lesbian breakups with my friends. I don't ever want to do it again. Love you lesbians. Please be nicer when you break up. So I guess the thing at that steak restaurant was about them breaking up or something when they reallenned each other in the steak restaurant. So they used to be lovers, apparently. And Lisa-- oh, we forgot to say it. Lisa Nicole threw the water glass in her face. Well, that's what happened next. She threw the glass. Like, she threw the water, but then she followed it up by throwing the glass at Quad's face. And then Darren came out of nowhere. It was sort of like that scene in-- was it Game of Crowns, I think, when the husband came running in during a fight or something like that, or they're all confronting the transgender one? No, it was like from Game of-- it was like from Game of-- Yeah, Game of Crowns. I think Game of Crowns. Game of Crowns. No, Game of Thrones. It was like Game of Thrones, when Khaleesi was about to get in trouble. And then the big dragon came in and fucked the front. I have no idea. Or also, remember that time when Kim Zolciak left Real Housewives of Atlanta, she was like, got mad at everyone. And then she stormed out of the restaurant. And then Croix was like right there waiting for her. It's like these guys just like linger there, like waiting. But-- They know. They're like the boxing coach just waiting in the corner to wipe them off and give them a pep top. And then Lisa Nicole got knocked over. It sort of was funny. She sort of like wound up on her butt on the floor. While those other two people just kept on eating their food, didn't even turn around once. But even when Quad's face was bleeding, she just got a glass thrown at her. And she goes, you threw water at me. Water. That is a round, Lisa Nicole. That is wrong. The career is over. I'm like, what did it begin? Your career is over. Nobody's buying clothes from someone who throws water at somebody. It's like Anna Winters on the phone. Like, get me Lisa Nicole while she threw water at Quad. Oh, never mind. Click. Just when I was about to put her in my magazine. Anna Winters like on her dry cleaning? Never. She's done in this town. Click. Click. So this is hard to do so much fun. And then we cut back to poor Jackie's stupid, fit-as-it-thing, fat-shaming parade, where she's just like, now, someone better raise a hand. And we've got cameras here. Who ate the pizza? And nobody will raise her hand. It's like ring, ring. And then it's Quad. And she's like, I'm sorry I'm not there, but I'm busy. I'm busy as a bee building them all. Well, what happened? I'm at the police station because Lisa Nicole attacked me and threw a glass at my face and cut me. And they're like, but why? Because we were having lunch and drinking some water, as horses do. And then she threw a glass at my face and then-- Toya. Toya is like, hello. This is Toya. What you do now? What you do? What you do? What you do? What you do? What you do? What you do? Was you like Jean eating pizzas? You throw pizza? You throw pizza down her face? Was Jean there? Did he eat the pizza with you? What did you do? What you should have did was walk away, Quad. But then Quad was like, you know, she did not seem to appreciate the revelations of the past that I presented to her. And then Torres was like, oh, where we go? They all were like that. Words. Big words. Because this is also the episode where Toya Eugene said something like, what did he say? He's like, I don't want to do anything specific. And she's like, oh, there he goes with the big words again. Yeah, a version. That's what it was. A two syllable word. What was it? Yes, I wrote that down. My only note was, Toya doesn't know what a version means. He's like, he's like, I don't have an aversion towards exercise. She's like, oh, there he goes with the big words. And he's like a version of his day. Oh, his 50 dollar words. And he's like, oh, that's not a big word. He's like, oh, yeah. He community, you know, he wants to argue with you. He just tried to confuse you. Like, God, he drives a confused lens. Don't know what I'm saying. Emergency, a version. But yeah, she's like, she didn't appreciate the revelations that I brought at lunch. She doesn't like the Bible. Lisa, as I say, tannic woman. She doesn't even like revelations. It's like, oh, please, Quad, stop. So Quad is, of course, the big victim. But someone pointed out on a Facebook comments. And I think that they were completely right. You know, you can fight and scream at somebody all you want. But when you throw a glass in someone's face, you're automatically wrong, right? Yeah, absolutely. No, that was wrong. That was crossing the line. And that is like a thing. You know, she-- like, Lisa Nicole should pay for those medical bills. Well, Lisa McColl has made-- Lisa McColl, I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Lisa Nicole has made a grave error. And she has shown the producers, finally, what will piss her off? Because no one has been able to figure it out now for a year and a half. And finally, they were like, oh, if you just talk about her husband fucking other people, she'll go crazy. Because then we-- next week-- And she's in a strip club. And one of the strippers is like, oh, hi, Lisa McColl. How you doing, honey? Oh, we love your husband. You know that he comes here all the time. He's so hot of him for me. This is bullshit. This is bullshit. I am sleeping. I love the way she talks. I mean, she talks like a typewriter. I am sleeping right now. Listen, I am not mad that Darren comes to the strip club. I'm mad that it's being talked about. OK, then. Whatever. Well, go ahead. No, nothing. I'm just making-- I'm just talking to talk. Whenever there's silence, that's why it makes sense, never. Because I just talk and talk to-- Because I'm just listening. I'm listening because you-- your Lisa McColl is so funny. I swear to God, I had such a good Lisa McColl voice going on today and I was so happy. I was like, finally, I have Lisa McColl because her voice should be easy. But every time I try to do her voice, it gets too round up ahead. I can't do it. It just sounds weird. And today, I was like, oh, I have it perfect. And now it's gone. What can I say? I don't care if he was here. Was his angers in the proper direction on the rack? Lisa McColl is about to lose it. And I love it because they are making the nicest-- well, what seemed like the nicest-- Why this woman ever pissed. And I just love it. I think it's so fucking funny. Yeah. This is worse than almost cancer. I also love, by the way, when she's like-- she's saying about cooperating with the battery. She's like, you know, I don't understand. Like, why would I bring this up? It's something from 10 years ago. It's like not a big deal. And it has nothing to do with who I am now. Cut to her throwing her glass of quads face. There you go. And there you have it. There you go. Have we talked about all of our shows? I'm looking here. Do we have any clips to go back to? We've actually finished, haven't we? Well, we have-- I mean, we have our four other TV shows. OK, yeah, yeah. OK, yeah. Let's talk about our others. Well, first of all, I think the newest one in the Watch Your Crap and Spam Day on has to be Secrets in Laws. We're just paralyzed. I have paralyzed! I actually have-- I still have not seen last week's episode yet, because I'm still catching up with all my TV. Oh, my God. It's good. It is good. I have so-- we're going to watch it tonight. I'm going to watch it tonight. Shut up, you dumb bitch. I'm paralyzed. Paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. I can't believe we talk to a woman like that. I'm paralyzed! In the last episode. They go to the dick dock to look at guys having sex in Fire Island behind the bushes. It's so good. My sister's like, oh, my God, it's me. Oh, no, wait. It's a man. Bent over a tree. What the hell is going on? I'm paralyzed. Paralyzed. I just saw my doople ginga. Hey, did you put it on Insta? Hey, Max, did you put it on Insta? Hey, Max, did you go to Fire Island, see the guys having sex behind the bushes, put it on Insta? Listen here, Max. My friends tried to have an intervention with me, Max. I just want everybody to stop being in my business, Max. That was a very good episode. I'm so excited. I'm so excited to see it. And of course, you know, I mean, that part of the world, Real Housewives of New York City is just everything. I mean, all the Ramona-isms that we have, that's like my favorite thing. When New York City comes around and we can start doing-- OK, Ramona, OK. That's the best. OK. What do you want to make a sandwich? You're 40 minutes to make a sandwich. You're stopping, yeah. If you don't want to make a sandwich, don't do a sandwich. You acted like a bitch. By the way, I'm just like kind of gurgling her voice that I really liked. Like there's always like a big wata snot in the back of her throat. I know. You know, I'm acting like a bitch, Hannah. I'm only sad, by the way. I'm sad that Aviva is gone because then we can no longer say this isn't about whatever. This isn't about the paper clips. It's about the children with cancer, but no legs. No. It's about the children with missing legs. It's about the children with no legs. And also, we don't get stories. Last week you weren't here, but I was talking-- and I think Stephanie about this gossip article that came back about producer manipulation, and it was by the producers. So it's like they were admitting what they manipulate and stuff. And the best story of it, or the best story from it, was they were at some event at the Marriott Marquis, and all the housewives were showing up, and Heather and her Wussy husband were getting Mike to go on, and Heather arrived with her husband-- or not Heather-- Aviva arrived with her husband and started having a screaming fit when she found out she had to go up an escalator, and she started screaming. That thing's going to rip off my legs! And having this fit wouldn't go up the escalator. You know they have elevators at the Marriott Marquis, right? I've been in one. I don't know what the problem was there. But she's like, this escalator is not going to apologize to me 20 years later on the show. I will not go up it. You know what? There should have been a banner at the top of the escalator that said, congratulations, Aviva, you did it. Hey, what's she worried about now? She's got a 50% chance the escalator is going to take a piece of plastic instead. Yeah, no kidding. You take her leg off every day. What's the problem? Yeah. I thought she was-- I thought once she went to the farm and saw the machinery, she was magically cured. Well, maybe this was before she went to the farm. Maybe we were sealed. OK. It's like, I'm still bothered by this because I have not confronted the girl who saw my leg it ripped off. OK, we'll wait for that. I liked it. This escalator is yellow because it reminds me of sunshine. OK. I love escalators because when I was a little kid, we were in the mall in the Berkshires and my dad. We were going up an escalator. And my dad started yelling at my mom because he said she's always trying to stand one step in front of her. And so he pulled her purse string. And she fell down the escalator. So now I only take stairs. Whoa. This is weird. OK. All right. This is totally bringing me back. I remember one time I was trying to go up the escalator. And I got three steps up. And then there was this big woman in front of me. And I was like, excuse me. And she didn't move. I was like, excuse me. She didn't move. And then I tapped on her shoulder and turned around. It was Geraldine Parson Smith. And she pushed me. And I fell down the escalator just like my mom did. OK. So I'm sorry. I don't go up escalators. You know why? Because I think they're day class A. I'm sorry I take the elevator. I love that show. One of our other shows is, of course, Real Housewives of Miami. Now, Real Housewives of Miami had some trouble. They had a troubled first season, that amazing second season. Then they had a totally shit third season. But it was still worth it A to see other people than white people on Bravo. And I'm not talking about Atlanta. I know you have your like token Atlanta for the Housewives. But on this show, it was really nice to see the other segment of society. The Latinas love them. I grew up in a border town. And I love me some Chicana's baby. Well, these-- I guess these aren't Chicana's, but they're Latinas. Love them. Yeah. Oh, well, you know, Peter. Oh, you know, Peter. He loves thinking about Latinas and stuff, you know. Because like one time he was driving, he was like on the street and a taxi went by full of Latinas. And he like, he kicked the taxi. But that's only because he wants to see the Latinas. It's not because he wanted to hurt a taxi driver. So, you know, Peter is learning. What is her name? Alexia. What's that one's name? Alexia. Oh, well, no, yeah, Alexia. Her son, who's basically a serial killer rapist or whatever. Every time he gets in trouble, she's like, oh, well, you know, Peter was out. And he was playing with this new device that we got him. Because, you know, I feel bad because his father was in jail. So, you know, if a new device comes out, I'll buy it for him. So anyway, he was walking down the street with this new device to record things. And he saw this homeless person. And so he took out the device to remember his father. And he started recording the homeless person. And then he started kicking and punching him. And, you know, the only reason he recorded it was, you know, Peter. You know, like he didn't want to record it. But his father was in prison. And so he doesn't have any childhood memories. And so he just wanted to record something. You know, it just happened to be when he was punching a homeless person. So it's OK, you know, you know, Peter. Oh, well, you know, Peter. You know, Peter. Oh, you know, Peter. That is probably that doesn't mean it. That is probably our most enduring gag. Because that one pops up pretty much any time we say, oh, then we just go into, oh, well, you know, Peter, no matter what. Oh, we know Peter. And so for all the people who've been wondering, who picked up onto our podcast way after Miami ended. Whenever we go, oh, well, you know, Peter, it's it's it's a Lexia. Making another piece for Peter. You know what's funny is that she never even said, oh, well, you know, Peter. We started making that joke. I was thinking about this last night. I started doing that because we were making fun of me because I always have one or two phrases that I repeat over and over without knowing that I'm doing it. Like I'll say, well, my, you know what I loved about this. That's been my latest one where everything is. Well, I loved. Well, what I loved was what I loved. I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure that we that time I was saying, oh, well, you know, blah, blah. No, I don't think so. No, I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure we started that. It wasn't that I'm proud of myself. No, it wasn't based on your machine. You need to stop. No, it was based on the fact because Lexia was like, oh, well, you know, Peter, you know, or Peter, she always, oh, well, you know, Peter, you know, like, that's it. Well, I had nothing to do about your speech. I'm going to sue the stupid city, you know, oh, you know, Peter, he tries to go and he tries to help me. He tries to be a good boy and help his mother on his photoshoot and then some taxi cab dents, dents his foot, you know, but you know, Peter, you know, he's trying to, you know, he loves, you know, he loves, he loves dance, you know, and he's like learning about all these different dances. And, you know, he learned can can and he's just doing can can and the taxi driver just was too close to him. So we kick the taxi driver, but like, that's only because he was dancing and he's too close. So, you know, over, you know, Peter is just always trying to learn something, you know. Oh, you know, she's, she's having her art show. Well, you know, I understand art very well, because, you know, Peter, Peter's an artist. And, you know, he likes to make rhymes. And so I want to play you this rap song from Peter and it's like, kill your stupid pussy bitch. She's like, oh, that's so good, Peter. You're so talented. Oh, you know, Peter, he's so talented. It's like all about raping some woman in an alley. She's like, oh, that's great. It's going to be great on the item. Pretty much every woman on Real House as in Miami had like one or two lines. Like even even Adriana. I just always, always makes me laugh, but he's not up to my standards. Oh, yeah, when she was walking through her houseboat and to like, how am I supposed to live on this boat? This boat is not up to my standards. Not to my standards. Not to my standards. And, of course, tear it down. How fun is that? You know what I would do with this house if I owned it so what? It's bigger than them all. Who cares? Tear it down, build a new one. You know what I'm going to do? Tear it down. After a little bit of voice, then how fun is that? This show used to be called dinner with ladies. And then they changed it to housewives. Because I thought he wants to have dinner with these idiots. Tear it down, tear down that show. Let's build a housewives show. And then, of course, there was Dr. Carran Sierra's mother, I hate him. Yes, the celebrity dentist mother who didn't approve of the boyfriend. One of my favorite conversations in this was when all of the mothers were together and we got to see all of those crazy accents in one room. We also have Mama Elsa, who's, you know, resident psychic or whatever. And all the mothers were talking about politics and I was dying. Like, Obama says it. It's like 18. I know what it is. Oh, man, he's so old. Oh, man, he's so old. He's in a gigantic and today at this dinner party, I have seen that Larsa Pippen's husband is cheating on her. Larsa's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That old ladies mean. He's like, you are going to die alone. She had that Muppet vampire laugh. Von Von Von Poptart poor Mama Elsa. I hope she's been recovering well from her stroke. It's too bad about that. But she, in the early days, this podcast, we we did a lot of Mama Elsa impersonations. That's for damn sure. Oh, love me some Mama Elsa. I wish I could remember actual quotes, but she's just always so crazy. I don't really remember. I'll have to. I'll have to look in the in the files on computer number three to see if there's anything pickles, spit it out pickles. I remember her, um, I remember her dancing around in that free flowy robe. Yes. When she was alone in the house and saying, I love to be alone. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Oh, yes. Okay. So our probably are all time favorite on this show in terms of like running bags. The one that has probably permeated the most because we cannot stop. We cannot stop doing these voices, even outside the podcast. When we hang out, we are doing the voices constantly, constantly. It never ends. I'm bad is the real housewives of Malibu. Oh, Ronnie. How awful, how awful, what a terrible thing to say. Why would you say it like that? What an awful person to say. It's a terrible thing to say. I've got to go to the Lou. What an awful person, Jane. Oh, did you just say that? Oh, Gina. Most of our fun started with that one in season one. When everything Gina did, they would just say what an awful person, especially that Andrea bitch who's no longer on. Yeah, Andrea was the worst. And the thing is that Andrea, she would delight in making these awful, awful jokes. She'd be like, you know, they're called Gina. I call a woman with two legs and two arms. That's a woman. The, I think actually did the, the, the Andrea joke in reverse, by the way. I did the punchline version in the setup, but that's okay. That's still better than her jokes. You know what, whenever I see monkeys in the cage, I think it's Gina because she really likes monkeys. What do you call a lawyer with a long thing in her hand? Gina holding a pencil because Gina's a lawyer and she likes to hold pencils every minute and then to write things. And then of course, Gina had really witty retorts like con. And I only said that because it's a quote. All right. Don't worry about me or look at this. It's 80 experts, 80 experts. Some of the most fun came this year with Ms. Gamble. Yeah. Oh, so successful. Well, we'll see. We'll see. We'll see. I worked on the Internet and one time I was on the Internet on that start call and I found a movie. Oh, we'll see. Oh, for a famous cop. I think that's good. If he got me a princess cut and he also got me a coaching card. So the princess could have something to relax on when he's tired. Oh, sometimes I get a little bit naughty and I start talking about feminism. Oh, the wolf. It is my wolf. It's feminism. We also had, we also had new, new, new quoting capabilities. Thanks to. Petifler. Petifler. Switch that you have to switch the bitch. That's what you have to switch. Switch. Switch the bitch. Switch the bitch. Switch the bitch. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I'm sweating. I'm sweating. I'm freaking out the bitch. I'm freaking out. And then what else did we have? Oh, I loved her. I come from a poor family. I know what it is like to make it on your own because I'm from a poor family. And when I did a first hand drop, no one was there to give a hand drop to a rich person. I figured that out. I told myself, listen, right now you are a poor bitch. Next you are going to be a rich bitch. Switch the bitch. And hand drop it was. Here I am. Empire. And then there's Lydia. Lydia who always had stupid things to say. I went to the 71th floor of the hotel and I looked out over all the Philippines. And I couldn't find my housekeeper's parents. And that's what I remembered. She's my daughter now. I was walking into this door and it reminded me of Paris. Because in Paris, they closed the stores just for you. Just like this TJ Maxx did for me. It's like, shut up, Lydia. I was thinking that I love shoes so much. And then I discovered they made a shoe just for me. And it was called a shoe store. That was so generous. I guess also kind of includes her. But one of the nicest housewives of all time who only started tarnishing her reputation this year at the very end and really didn't even tarnish that much. With Chica. Chica with the gay husband and the lesbian. Hey, it's Chica over there. And everyone else kind of talks about her. There's Chica and Chica's like, "Hello, I'm the most positive person you've ever met. Why there?" So Chica never really had anything to do except show off her gay husband who wore a pant so tight that you could see them not hanging down to his knees. So they would be like, "Okay Chica, today you're going to go look at Petiflu's house." She'd be like, "Petiflu, what a wonderful house. What luxury is that balcony? Actually, it's one of seven. Even balconies. That's luxurious. Oh, you're so lucky. What a lucky woman." What should I do this episode? Still nothing? All right, I'll go over to Lydia's. Lydia, what a wonderful living room. How luxurious, Lydia. These drawers. If I just touch these drawers, they close just for me. Look at that electric drawers, Lydia. How luxurious. Lydia, is that a chair? Oh, you know what I love to do? I love to sit. But I also love to stand. I love that they have an option to sit or stand. That's just a wonderful, so luxurious. You know, sometimes I put my daughter on the ground and I make her sit on her hands and knees and then I put my feet on her shoulder and I call her auto like auto men. Hello? How luxurious? It's not as luxurious as your chair with a real auto man. That's luxurious. Meanwhile, there was also Jackie who would walk around and she pretty much kind of like would try to force her catchphrase, but it never would catch on except with us because we would repeat everything she would say. So it's like, "Shawing, shawing, shawing." That's so couture. That's so couture. Oh, Jackie, yeah. Jackie is stupid catchphrases. I'm the only one here. I'm the Neewept. I'm from, you know, this is women from Torek. I mean, you know, women in Torek are very different. That's not where I'm from. They cry. See, look at these women. "Shawing, shawing, shawing, shawing, shawing, shawing, shawing, shawing." I'm a psychic. Look, it's about to rain whilst you're standing in the rain. The angels told me to get a boob job. So I got a boob job. "Shawing, shawing, shawing, shawing." Couture. The angels told me I was going to marry a man that looked like Danny DeVito and played the drums and here I am married to him. Danny DeVito playing Johnny Depp's part in the Pirates of the Caribbean. That's me. Love you, honey. Love you. And then, of course-- Of course, I'm happy. I'm gorgeous. I'm married. And I'm rich. "Shawing, shawing, shawing." I'm gorgeous. I'm married and I'm rich. The end of a helicopter. Gonna go fly close to the steam as the angels. See if I can get any of the readings up the end of the cliff. It wasn't sign, sign, sign. Oh, Couture. Oh, Couture. Couture. Couture. Couture. And of course, there was Janet who-- Janet's best line was her impersonating gamble. Everybody. Everybody and now then. Oh, no. Oh, Carlos. You know, I was worried about Carlos coming into this group of women because he's women. It'll eat him like a piece of chicken. Everybody. Oh, man. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We love you real. Hey, as well as available. I think this has literally been a three-hour podcast, man. Literally, it's like a 200-minute podcast for our 200 episode. Seriously. Oh, we should do that. How many more minutes do we have to do 200 minutes? Literally. Literally, if you ask me one more time, my wall is up. My wall is up. I'm literally gonna be on the floor crying right now, okay? Like, I can't talk about it. My wall is up. Wall is up. Wall is up. Yes. Wall. Uh, so how long is it? Let's see. This has been two hours and five minutes. The last one was 30 minutes. So how many minutes has that been? Can I'm up? Been? I don't see math or what I'm gonna guess. What? From a real guess. What? I regret to tell you that two and a half hours is only 150 minutes. Fifteen? Hundred and fifteen? Hundred and fifteen. It's two and a half hours. Uh, well, once we do that next, that next issue ad, you know it's gonna be 10 minutes long. I'm making those longer and longer. Last week, I did it as a Ramona. I know. It was longer than the actual Real Housewives of New York the week. I know. Hey, if you've made it this far in the podcast, I salute you. If you've been listening to all 200 episodes, I salute you even more. Ronnie, I mean, I'm ready for the next 200. Oh my God, babe. I love you so much. My little friend. I love you, Ronnie. I love you. You're wonderful. Yeah, you're a blessing. You're just a wonderful. You're like a house that you could just walk into. You're just wonderful. Ben, I'm really glad I'm matching. We're having lunch together. I just wanted you to know that everybody in Melbourne is saying that you're a whore and you have sex parties with old people. But that's just a rumor. I'm gonna see you here, Apple. I do want to plug really quick before we go. I know there's like two people left listening to this. I'm making Big Brother in Two Minutes videos. And I am, by the time this is done by Friday, my Luan song will be posted. So go to iTunes and search for Not Girl Code. And you'll have that. And those are my plugs for the day. Yeah, those are good plugs. Those are good plugs. And also, thank you audience for actually giving a shit. You know, it's the first thing I've ever done in my life that anybody's ever cared. Oh, Ronnie. No, and I don't say that in like a beaming to myself way. I make the same amount of effort with everything I do. But this one like actually caught on. You know, thanks everybody. I know. And can you believe that we've been doing it for three and a half years? Talk about time flying. This is my longest relationship. That's, it's a big deal. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out at three and a half years. I'm freaking out. Ben, if you ever need me at Two in the morning, please feel free to call me and pour your heart out to my voicemail. And I'll listen to it the next day. Well, I want you to know that if we decide to hit for the 200 minute mark, it'll be two in the morning by the time we hit it. Because one a.m. in New York right now. And now I have to do post-production on this and probably everyone's wondering where the hell our podcast is. I'm sorry people. There was a storm. There was a storm. David. David. David. It was a disastrous day and that fits just with our theme, darling. Yes. Technical difficulties, lack of professionalism, rampant swearing, strange voices, and a whole bunch of fun. And Matt missed it for work. And Matt missed it. There you go. Nothing's changed. Riley. All right. Guys, we love you. All right. Thanks for all you support. All right. Bye. 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