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Get free shipping on qualified orders. See site for more details. People may not know this about me because I co-host a podcast about Bravo and all we do is talk about the real housewives and stuff. But I actually really love video games and I do like actually sports too. And recently I was reading a really cool article about esports, competitive video gaming, and I was reading about it in ESPN The Magazine. But I do not subscribe to that magazine. Instead I was using Next Issue, which is sort of like a virtual newsstand sort of thing. So the reason why I'm telling you this is because now you can get a free 30-day trial at nextissue.com/crapins. And it's a really good opportunity to subscribe to basically a whole bunch of magazines all for a very cheap price and all you can have it accessible like right on your tablet. You can read about like The Rock. If you want to read about The Rock in Men's Health or you could read about Zoe Deschanel in Cosmo or like David Letterman in Rolling Stone. I mean there's like a lot, there's a ton of magazines that they've got on this service. It's like Sports Illustrated, Wired, they have Allure Vogue El Cosmo, National Geographic, Consumer Reports, Food and Wine. It's all your interests, whatever interest you want to pursue. It's actually there for you all in one place. You get everything that's in the print editions on the same day that they hit the newsstands. And one subscription gets you all these magazines for as little as $10 per month. And you can use it up onto five devices. Plus, and this is important, you can get a 30-day free trial or free 30-day trial I should say at nextissue.com/crapins. And you can read up way up on all of your interests. Nextissue.com/crapins. Crapins is the key word there people. [Music] [Music] Hey everyone, welcome to Watch More Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch and then talk about. I'm Ben Mantleker from BesideBlog.com and the banter blender podcast. And joining me is the ever slim, ever funny, and newly sort of sober, Ronnie Karam, still shaking off those gay pride favors, right? I was going to say newly sober, I didn't quit drinking. Oh, but after gay pride, yeah, that's true. Yeah, I realized as I said that it made it sound like you were going through something very serious. I was like, no, no, no, he's just coming down from gay pride still. Ronnie can be full of two inches. Did you give up? Was it a two inches of a gallon paint can or a dumpster in the back of a chilis? Ronnie is from TrashTalkTV.com. And if you don't go there to read recaps of all your favorite TV shows, you should, especially if you like Big Brother on top of all this Bravo junk slash amazing stuff that we cover. So that's that. Everyone, our Facebook page is booming. Wow, it's so good. Facebook.com/watchforcrapins, such a great Facebook site. I am actually addicted to our own site, which sounds narcissistic, but it's the truth. And then also- Breaking it right now. Oh yeah, pull it up, pull it up, Gina. And of course, if you want to follow us on social media, whether that be Twitter or Instagram or Periscope, y'all just head on over to watchforcrapins.com and there's just a bunch of links to our social media. And last but not least, if you support us on patreon.com, we are A, very thankful and B, you get some cool stuff out of it. You get access to a bonus episode. This week, we talked a lot about Big Brother. We did a Big Brother cast preview and talked about Jurassic World and Day Pride. And we also added some sort of like premium level sponsor tiers. You can go look at that. They are definitely higher, much higher, but they're premium levels. So no pressure to take them, but if you feel like really being a super sponsor for the show, then you get a big old shout out on this episode. For some people, they'll get it once a week. Some people will get it twice a week, depends on what tier you donate at, whatever you feel comfortable with or not comfortable with at all, whatever. Whatever. You know what? It's your life. I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed by Patreon. Do what you do. Do what you do. I don't care. I'm paralyzed. That relies. No press, guys. We're just putting it out there because why not? Why not cast a net, right? So that's, I think that's really all the busy work, right? And I don't think I have anything to add except that I think Obama just flew overhead with a very special presidential delivery of sliders for MJ. So I hope she enjoys them. I wish that helicopters would stop dropping sliders on MJ and maybe drop some support bras. And dresses without holes in the front. That would be great. Or maybe just like bring back the veil. Bring back the veil. Bring back the burqa, darling. I would look like a tensail at Joanne's, girl. All right, let's go. Let's start talking, Ben. First of all, we've got big news today. Big, big gossip. Two big, two big pieces of gossip. And you know it's true because it didn't come off of radar online. Yeah. So supposedly Brandy Glanville fired. Fired. She is fired. You know what? You know, the reason why we should have known that she was like already on the verge of being fired, et cetera, because like three days ago, Jeff Lewis finally was able to tell the world that no, when Brandy was crying and watch what happens, it was not a joke. Like clearly they were like, okay, Jeff, you can say that because she's fired. Yeah. He's like, no, I was not in on that. All right. I'm an asshole on my own time, not on somebody else's tent. Yeah. No, but Brandy, she be done. She's gone. Well, I'm looking at Brandy's Twitter right now, because I mean, come on now, that's a real newspaper right there. If you want real info, go to Twitter, guys. It's all like true. It's all like hashtag. I'll cut you, bitch. So I guess people have been tweeting her all day, but she wrote something. Let's see here. I woke up with a sore throat and a huge decision to make today. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills hashtag will let you all know later, I promise. And then her next text was, it can be a hard show to do. And I've often cared about making it interesting, even if it was to my own detriment. Oh, what a victim. Look at what she sacrificed for us. I know you guys, she gave up her entire career just to be interesting. Didn't work. Oh, yeah, I saw a tweet of hers where she said, well, I guess that like going out of my way to be obnoxious would get ratings. Oh, well, I guess it didn't help. Like don't you did not go out of your way. Okay. If going out of the way is like breathing error, then fine. Yes, you did. But no, although Brandy's not a real housewife anymore. So we can stop the hate. All right. Now let's just hug. Brandy in a fight. Yeah. But I do, you know, I do have to say that I love Brandy for another tweet. She left and it was something about feeling fat. Angie sent it to us. And you know what, I think that there is some justice in the world of Brandy Glenn Phil's fat. So thanks God for making the world fair. She got all that plastic surgery for nothing. Yeah, it's not you're not fat. It's filler. Yeah, she's not so bye. Bye. So it'll be interesting to see who they cast in her stead, Ben. Yeah, I am really excited. I mean, it's going to be interesting. You know, last season ended on obviously a very bitter note, but at the same time, I thought a thoroughly fascinating note. And I was part of me excited to see how these the continued Richards family dynamics would shake out. And obviously this next season is going to have to go in a whole different direction. And I'm afraid it might be like a rebuilding season, you know? So we'll see what happens. Well, I hope we get to see Kyle take some vacations or show off one of her husband's houses. Oh, well, I hope that we get to see Porsche being like, like cute with a capital C and sitting on counters and like lisping. The next real house was a Beverly Hills sitting on counters at Kyle's house. Fail be like, why did you turn on the garbage disposal? I'm sitting on the counter. Um, yeah, so bye. I mean, I don't really care. Is that weird? I still have fatigue from that show. It was it was an intense season, but it was good. I need more time to pass before I can have fun talking about that show again. For now, good night show, hopefully with Brandy fired and Kim, God knows where she is in Mexico or whatever. We have a break. Yeah, yeah, she's probably in Mexico with Brooks sitting in a bar ordering cancer pills. I love his back. I'm here for the cancer pills too. She's on the on the bar top and on delay. It's just so special to me. My family, look, they're sea turtles. Hey, Brooke, no one ever told me you were a lisping. I feel like I've blacked at so much of your childhood. Brooke, when did you go bald? Brooke, you don't look the same anymore. I thought you were all a girl. God, when you were a girl, when you came out of me. All right. What do you want to talk about? Well, there's another piece of big piece of gossip. Oh, really? And it's about our favorite low life. Peter from Real Housewives of Atlanta. Peter, babe, babe. So Peter was caught at the club getting real close to a woman and I was supposed to have Instagram. And it's this whole thing. And then he puts out this whole excuse like, no, no, no, I wasn't. I was just talking to her ear, blah, blah, blah. I know it looks really bad, but it's true. No, no, no, no. I was just talking close to her ear because I was telling her the flavors of Peter brew. I was like, what's your favorite? Senka or Maxwell House? We have them both. Yeah, I was telling her about those little pods that you put in the coffee thing and press it down. It's hard. Yeah, we actually keep our pods in a giant crate right next to where Martin Luther King died. I was like, come over here. I'll pop your pod. It's not cheating. It's just talking pods. So when I put my finger up address into her bathing suit area, it was like me showing her what it's like when you pop a curig thing. That's all. I don't have sex with other women. I just have curig with them. By the way, my Peter impersonation is so like far from what he's like, hey, you know what? I'm Peter. I'm Peter. Yeah. Mine gets worse. If I'm not hearing it every week, then forget it. Those things go right out the window. I always feel bad for our new listeners. Like whenever new people come to this podcast and they're like, Oh my God, we really love your podcast. I'm like, how aren't you? They just like, don't you think we're just crazy? We just sit and do accents for like two hours. And none of them even sound like anyone we're talking about. Yeah, I would imagine that listening to this for the first time is like watching a new HBO show where you have to wait episode eight episodes to know what the hell's going on or why you're even watching it. Yeah, it's basically like Mad Max Thunder Road or whatever it's called. Yeah, I don't care about Peter, but I did love that his apology video. You know what God bless Instagram? How did people used to say sorry before Instagram? How did they do it? Or how did they break up with each other? Because he went on Instagram and he's like, I just want to say, yeah, I didn't do nothing. I'll drip, drip, drip, blah, blah. And I love that he was doing it in the car that he bought without Cynthia's permission with her money. Yeah, this is where you apologize. How about you apologize like in line for a job somewhere? Yeah, it's like, thanks for spending all of 15 seconds to generate your apology. Yeah, how about you write an apology letter on a job application? I'm sure that would go a lot further. Yeah, how about you make a nice cappuccino and make the phone look like an apology? How about that? And then Cynthia came out somewhere. I mean, who even knows? I'm assuming it's radar online or with a thrifty nickel. I don't know, take a bit or the penny saver. Cynthia came out with like, I better watch my man a little bit more closely, but you know, he's just a flirt. Oh, Cynthia. That's got it. I can't say that. These women on Bravo, you know, he's just a flirt. Got to be careful. Got to look my best because some other woman's gonna steal him. He's just a flirt. Like, come on, hold these guys accountable for crying out loud. Like watching Cynthia apologize for her idiot man again and then listening to Brandi talk about how she's fat. You know, the summer is supposed to be a time where we're inspired to lose weight. At this point, I don't even see the point. Like, what's the point? You lose weight to get tick, really? And then this dick ends up just slapping you around. So what's the point? Just stay fat. That's the new plan. I know. By the way, today is the last day of my no-carb diet, speaking of speaking of trying to lose weight. Well, that explains a good mood out of no way of being. I know. I'm like, Hey, everyone podcasting. You're so excited. You're gonna have coffee with like toast mixed into it tomorrow. I know I'm gonna. Oh, I'm gonna have a big old bagel and cream cheese tomorrow. I'll tell you that much. I'm looking to see what because I feel like there was some more gossip, but I'm forgetting. But someone posted Sonia is back on her podcast. I guess she's only had 17. I thought she had a lot more. Well, you know, descriptions. I tunes was broken on computer number three. So there was an understandable hiatus. Pickles, where is where's the podcast? Why isn't uploaded yet? You know, okay, pickles. So, okay, so here's the thing. I've got three microphones. They're all broken, but you can use them for parts. So just put them all together and make a new microphone. Okay. All right. So let's start with real housewives of New York, Sherwood, Bain. Yeah, of course. Of course, that should always be the answer. Yes, because I love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love this show. The show is so crazy. So they started a cupcake party. Oh, yeah. Cupcakes. And I love how when Ramona walks and she goes, Oh, it's very bright in here. It's very bright. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's so bright. Why would they do this to me? And Bethany's like, what the hell? Look at you. I mean, look at you. You're here in a cupcake store. What are you doing here? You doing okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? It's like the cups and the cakes. Yeah. Are you okay? You know what? It's like, I don't see any cups. I don't see any cakes. But you know what though? It's a cupcake store. That's okay. I like it. I like we put things together. Okay, we're efficient. This is a skinny girl. This is a skinny girl version of cups and cakes. They become a cupcake. Okay? No, that's great. Okay, it's bright. I like it. I'm surprised Ramona didn't say, you know, I like a bright cupcake shop where my son has sunshine. Oh, I love, I love cupcakes. You know who else loves them? Mario. Not that I care. I mean, Mario, I don't even care if he never has another cupcake again. He's not getting my cupcake. That's for sure. Because this cupcake is new. This isn't a box that says no Mario because it's new cupcakes. He wouldn't even know what to do with them. Whoa. This is weird. You know what? This is totally reminding me of when I was a child. Okay. Okay. So when I was a child one time, Geraldine Parsons Smith came over and she was my dad and she brought over a cake. Okay. And so we're all excited to have the cake. But there were enough plates. So she looked at me and said, you know what? You don't get a plate. You have to eat your cake out of a cup. Whoa. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I just, I can't make a cupcake right now. Too close. I can't make, I can't, I can't drink cake out of cups anymore. Forget it. Forget it. I'm not going to do it. I don't care what Mario says. Someone get me a plane. I need to get out of here. I need to, I need to go to the Hamptons. I can't, I can't be by these cupcakes anymore. Too many memories. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is there a land line in this cupcake store? Because I just want Mario to have the number in case my cell phone goes out. I mean, just in case he wants to call. I mean, not, you know, you know, don't think he would. I mean, not that I can't. I mean, who cares? I'm going to turn my phone off. I mean, put it in my hand and wait, wait for a divide. You know what? The fact that Mario hasn't called me yet at this cupcake store is very day classic. I'm sorry. It's day classic. Bethany is like, how are you? How are you? What's up? How are you? And she's like, oh, you know, I'm good. It's a new year. It's a new me. Here I am at a cupcake store. Ugh, the lights. It's always a new Ramona at every, every instance. She's like, oh, you know, it's a new month's new me. You know, it's a new day. Newbie, new cupcake, new cupcake store, new lights. I think that's new life. Who's up right? New lights, new cupcake store, getting new lights because it's a new me. Hey, you know what? There's a new roller. I'm going to get, I have a new thing of fondant right here. I'm going to roll it out. It's new me, new me, new roller, new fondant. I love that Bethany A is even in a cupcake store and B claims to go there all the time with her daughter. Don't buy it. Don't believe it. She's like, look, here's how you make the cupcakes. All right. Look, I do this with my kids, you know, because, you know, you come here. Don't shrink the kids play. I mean, I love to do it. So here's what you do. You put some squeeze. Don't don't need it. Don't need it. You know, don't need it. Let the icing and now let's go to the bathroom together. Everybody. Let's go to the every time she has a bite of anything. She's like, let's go to the bathroom. I know. And then I look, well, actually, the thing is that you could see they weren't going to even eat them. They were like, so what do we do? Let's give them everyone. I'll give it to the dual man. Okay, we'll give it to anyone. Give it away. You can give it someone. Sure. Why not? It's your moment. Okay. Why not? So why not? So why don't you give it away? A man works out. The dual man can barely even open the door. Just give it to the dual man. You know, while we get, while we take it to Luan's charity, where she helps people open computers, okay? Give it to them. The man used to do something where she was like, oh, yeah, remember like season two, Luan was like mentoring a little girl. She's like, well, darling, you have to take those braids out. She was like saying to your black girl, I was like, well, you know, you obviously can't have that hair. So them, Sonya comes in and of course has to make it that Sonya's vagina still works. It's like the very important scene. No one was going to eat anyway, but just in case you were planning on eating, Sonya's like, is this an anal tilt-o? Oh, you can take it in the bath. I love these when you can take them in the bath. I can't wait until my bath is fixed. I mean, right now, right now I just have pickles holding your hands together and holding water in it. And then I put a finger into the time, you know, I mean, that's what it's like being poor. It's awful. This frosting reminds me of something. It reminds me of something the plumber left. You know, I'm talking about a semen, you know, I'm talking about, you know, when he, when he ejaculates this white stuff that looks like the frosting you're about to eat, it looks like what was on my chest, you know? Yeah, I'll score it on your cupcake. Heard that a million times. All right, Sonya. All right, sit down. Well, I like also well, first of all, I do have to say congratulations to Sonya. It's not that like she's even listening, but she did get she's out of her debt, which is actually amazing. I never thought it would happen. I mean, she was like in the hole and she's actually how many interns that took like it. She has sold so many interns. She's like, what's human trafficking? I wasn't trafficking any one. I did this on the phone. There was no traffic involved. She has repurposed so many computers from broken parts and sold them online that she has gotten herself out of debt. That's what's happened. Yeah. Pickles is somewhere asking a homeowner why they don't save their vacuum cleaners. Yeah. You know, I make all the vacuum, you know what she, I mean, you know, I have about four vacuum cleaners. I just, you know, I put them all together for the parts. She's like, she's basically like, how are you even changing pages on the internet? You're not, you're not like hitting my head as a mouse tap. I know. So by the way, I like that the reason, because she paid off her debt, that's why Sonia went to this thing. She's like, yeah, I paid off my debt. Why else would I go downtown to do cupcakes? I was like, oh, oh, I see you only, you only make cupcakes when you get out of massive debt. Okay. Never mind. Oh, that's all I need is somebody who I owe money to seeing me eat a cupcake. I mean, God forbid they'll come take it right out of my hand. I mean, people, people are horrible, aren't they? Well, it is sort of surprising. She was there because she probably thought she was going to chip Rihanna's again. She's like, wait, oh, I thought we're going to chip Rihanna's, turns out we're making cupcakes. Okay. I think the more shocking thing is how did Sonia get out of debt? Where does Sonia make money? Well, you know, there's a big market for toasters in India, I'm sure. They don't work. Yeah. They're like, we don't like to eat the toaster anyway. It is very bad for your soul. So we just buy the toaster and then it tests us. Well, she went into a joint venture with Perifler and it's called the flip, switch the bitch micro toaster. You put something in there and it's time to turn the toaster over. You switch the bitch. Switch the bitch. Switch the toast. Switch to the bitch toast. You switch the bread from bread to toast. You switch it. It's open, it's done. I cannot eat this toast. I cannot eat this bitch toast without a bitch butter. Okay, I would like a side of freaking out. Oh, here comes Obama's delivery for MJ again. Two military helicopters flying overhead. There's some there's some group on filler about to drop out of that plane. For those of you who don't know, Obama is touching down in a Los Angeles in about an hour or so or half an hour. What's Obama even doing here? Doesn't he have enough money? He ain't running again, is he? Why else do you come here? It's fun to beg people for money. Fun raising for Hillary, I suppose. Oh, for he would not do that for Hillary. Well, maybe for Elizabeth Warren. How about that? And you know, that's the truth. Unless Hillary caught him giving a blow job and some bus stop or something, there's no way that he would be stumping for Hillary. Yeah. Well, either way. So Sonia's going all sexual in the in the cupcake shop. And I really love Dorinda because at this point, all she's pretty much doing is talking about John or explaining what everyone else is doing because they were all so crazy. But Dorinda's so funny because the way she describes Sonia is so innocent. She's like, and then of course, Mr. Jett said, so yeah, Kate did. And she was doing, you know, this sexy dance. It was funny, like this Marilyn Monroe routine, you know, she like, she had, she swallowed two cupcakes that looked like brothers. And then she held too many sprinkles, you know, now know what those were she is. She'll be on t-shirts soon. Oh my God. I thought that was what she's like, she brought she brought a little happy bit. They missed the president of the cupcakes. All I can think about, I just I just finished season one of Silicon Valley and oh, you didn't finish that, right? You only you stopped like a few episodes in, right? Yeah, I think it got to episode four and it was all fart jokes. And I was like, yeah, I'm too old. Well, it's still really good. And the season finale, there is an extended scene that lasts like, like maybe like a minute or two where the nerds are calculating, like, would there be a way for them to jerk off for one man to jerk off 800 people in 10 minutes? And they did a whole calculation. And I'm just imagining Sonya, like, with her happy birthday, Mr. President with the cupcakes and jerking up guys. Anyway, could someone get the pickles on the phone? I need her fingers to do this man. No one else's fingers break the same way. Bring pickles. Bring the five broken calculators in from the from the kitchen. There's I think there's a I think there's a TI 82 down there. Texas Instruments, come on now. So this is this is Sonya's idea, right? This trip. I mean, obviously, it's like, it's like, hey, I'm out of debt. Now let's spend thousands of dollars in Turks again. Yes. No kidding. How did Sonya make seven million dollars in like a day? How someone has to explain the studio organiser assets and yada, yada, yada, yada. Listen, maybe she's on Patreon. You got maybe with her seven episodes. She's like, I got a million dollars per episode for that podcast. Every time I appear at San Tropez, you donate a dollar. So of course, they're like, Oh, I love Kinkos and Poconos or wherever the hell she's going. Is there a hotel in Vegas based on this place? Because otherwise, I don't know a sister. Well, they remember Vicki when they were done. Oh, she did. That must have been a nice trip. She's like, Oh, Don, look at the ocean. He's like, you're a dumb bitch. And she's like, Oh, Don, they went there to renew their vows. And then the next next season they were broken up. Okay. So the sounds sounds good. So Sonya, of course, announces that they're going to H&M or whatever. And she's like, Yeah, I love it there. I know all the premieres. I love that she knows everybody in power with no power relevant to her. Like, she doesn't know any she doesn't even know the mayor, but she knows Carol, who's on the board of a of a co-op. Yeah. Yeah. She was like, Well, yeah, you know, the, you know, the premiere of Jason Kinkos. Yeah, he loves my comedy. He always sees my comedy and he loves all the work I do with with women, with especially with minorities. Oh, he just really helps out so much. premieres over there. Love artists. Okay. So then, so meanwhile, not at the cupcake thing, we're like, Oh, I don't know if I can have to say one more thing. Because of course, I can't read my notes until I stare at them for five minutes. Like one of those weird pictures. It just looks like dots and then it's a naked lady. But I really like when she was saying, when people were like, Oh, I don't know if we should go out of town again. Or Bethany was like, I don't know if I could take it. I mean, boring, sleeping at Atlantic City. And Sonya's like, Oh, it won't be anything like Atlantic City. I mean, that was crazy. The way everybody was judging me there. I mean, recently I was on a Latin TV show. So now everybody knows I work. That was a magazine. Yeah. It was a very strange TV show because like, it was just like a single frame and it just never moved. I don't know. It was resting. It was very resting. My Botox has never looked better. I mean, that was the best half hour of I've ever spent on television. Yeah, like I have never acted so hard. I mean, I had to say still for a whole 30 minutes for that TV show. When I told pickles, I wish she was on when I told pickles, I wished I was on dancing with the stars. She actually put that in front of my face and moved it around a little bit. I'm actually very good on dancing with the stars. She actually put some of those glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. And now I just dance. And you know, and it turns out I'm great. I actually win the mirror ball every night. Okay, so up next. So now Luan and Kristin are getting together. They're raw way shoes or whatever. Yeah, they were shopping. And what I love is that Kristin, it's like replay. Like, you know, Luan's apologizing for when she boxed out Kristin last episode. And then and Kristin starts relaying the thing that like, well, you know, Bethany said I was stupid. And then Luan's response was, well, she didn't say it to your face though. She was trying to be polite. You know, she just said it behind your back, darling. I mean, come on manners, manners here have one of my plates. And they're talking about a away Ramona's new restaurant. And they're like, Oh my god, that's totally not her. Oh, I know, darling. It's not her. I mean, it is very Mario though. It is him for Ramona just waiting at the host to stand. Yeah. Well, it is her in the sense that it's trashy. But other than that, no, it's not her at all. It is her in that everybody who orders a steak also orders a side of something younger and juicier. Well, it is her in that it's a terribly annoying restaurant. I would never step foot in. But aside from that, no, I don't really see the, let's see the match now. Such bitches. But then so then Kristin starts relaying about how she confronted Bethany about how she like pulled her to the side. And she's like, you know, I started nice. I'm like, bullshit, Kristin. You know, I like you, Kristin. I really do. Even though you're a little useless this season, even though you do wine, I do like you. But you were like, you know what? Like, my brand means everything to me. And I have a blog. And I mean, this means a lot to me. And that means a lot to me. And I work hard for it. And you and me, you know, like, that's not what you call starting. Nice. I know you probably can't hear me from inside your box, but nail polish is my passion. I know you think you're so cool because you made a giant robot out of your refrigerator box and didn't let me in. But guess what? nail polish is my passion. A robot refrigerator. Finally, I have somebody to talk to Mr. Jett said. Oh, how I want to put John in one of those boxes. I love how Lou Anne's advice is so offensive. She's like, listen, darling. Oh, love your toes. Here's the thing about Bethany. She just doesn't like you. And sometimes you need to just back away from people that don't like you and just be done with them. I mean, how long are we going to be in Iraq? Seriously. Back away, pull out, pull out. And then they're like, you want to try on these shoes? And Kristen's like, I'm jealous of those shoes. They're in a box. There's so many boxes in this store. But I love to also is that then she gives she gives her camera. She gives her phone to like one of the workers. She's like, are you going to take any shoe pictures? Like on your on your cheesy phone. Yeah. And she's like, I have a blog, Lou Anne. And Lou Anne's like, I know I've already blocked it. Yeah. I like that she didn't even ask Lou Anne to take the picture. That was kind of curious to me. Is Lou Anne really that bad with technology? Well, probably we've heard her songs that she makes with technology. Yeah, Sonya. No, not Sonya. What was I going to say here? Oh, yeah. Anyway, Kristen, it was real. I have to say, it's really nice of Lou Anne to make an effort and film with Kristen because nobody else will even Carol and Heather are like busy, but Lou Anne's at least making an effort to film with her, even though she's hurting her feelings every time. She's like, darling, we should do this again. It was amazing. Don't talk to Bethany again. And next time, let's meet at the Container Store. Yeah. No, I'll have lunch in a box and you can watch me from outside of it. She's just like, you know, darling, how about we just FaceTime from now on? Do we have to really hang out in person? I'll just send you a message in the chat box. No, not the chat box. The amount of notes I write down for the dumbest thing, these bitches sat in a shoe store, but it's a page of notes. I know we are literally like on scene two. You know what, because we're both taking more notes. We're being ridiculous. We're taking notes on every little thing. We're not taking notes on just the funniest stuff. But then we talk about the minutiae. And then we have plenty of stuff. When you've got a pen in your hand and you're taking notes, it's all amazing. Exactly. Like when she was saying, darling, I know what a blog is. My daughter had one. She said the N word on it and someone passed out in a bush. I mean, you know, kids. Internet. So then we get to a scene of Carl and Bethany having dinner and like, Carl is wearing a sweater from Forever 21. She's like, you like my sweater? What did it say? What did the sweater? Oh, trouble. Yeah, trouble. Now, okay, confession. I shop at Forever 21, because in the midst of all their like teen stuff, there are a few things that like I can wear it at my advanced age. But I think shoot me in the head if I am Carl's age and shopping at Forever 21. Well, you know, poor Carol, it's like she's she's shopping at Forever not 21 again. And if that's not bad enough, she's talking about it. And if that's not bad enough, she's wearing a shirt that says trouble. But you so old that even the song you're wearing on your shirt is old. I mean, that song's even old. It's like, poor thing can't win. Yeah. Yeah, a little young Bethany is like, what, what is that song from when I thought it was like one? I mean, please. Yeah, it's, you know what? The sweater was a little thirsty. That's probably what the word should have been on there. And then if if you guys aren't buying that Carol's really young and hit now, the first thing she says is, Bethany, last night I had a sex dream about you, but I have to say, I have to say though, that even though Carol is totally thirsty and and all that stuff, I actually really like the rapport that she and Bethany have. I feel like they seem like they have a lot of fun together and that they do connect and they really are friends. And in certain ways, they kind of are the cool kids and they know it and they just. They are just because they don't take it seriously. I like it. I mean, yeah, it feels silly saying that Bethany doesn't take it seriously because she's sobbing every week and on the floor. But look, Bethany takes Adderall seriously. Yeah, everything else. Like, yeah, they seem to know that it's a big joke. Yeah, I think Bethany has has like settled in now. And I think when I say that they're like the cool kids, I mean it actually in a good way. Like, they're not, they're not being like too cool for school. They're just like, Oh my God, this is, you can tell their their view is like, this is ridiculous what we're doing, but we're just having fun with it. And why not just like, it was a fun scene because normally on a housewives show, this would be like five seasons long of a fight. And it wasn't she's just like, listen, I had, I had sex with you in my dream. And she's like, what did you touch my icebox? What did you do? Were you touching my box, my refrigerator? Yeah. And then my hand froze off. So we're christened, just set up straight in bed. What the box? My hand froze off and crashed onto the ground. And then you started making an entire city with your hands. Let it go. Oh, yeah. Oh, Ben, watch frozen Ben. I thought you were gonna, I thought you're gonna make some sort of weird, like terminated reference, like the hand that was left behind, the creative side. No, it was a frozen choke going. It was Elsa. Dolly, I went to watch frozen. What kind of feminist are you? All right. What's the name of the other alert? She doesn't need a man at the end. What's the name of the other princess? There's Elsa and then there's the other one. The honey mat girl, like the other one. What do you call any ugly or sister? The other one that proves the point from later on in this episode, when they were doing that test, the blondes were walking by the guys in that Italian restaurant, then the brunettes and the guys didn't care about the brunettes, they only cared about the blondes. So it's like Elsa and, you know, the other girl, the other one. Yeah, that's how I learned how to do it in my family. My mom's like, Carly, the other one, get down here for dinner before I beat you out. Yeah. So more to talk about here, but okay, I love this scene, as we've already said, but Carol telling Bethany. Oh, I have to admit, haha, I told Kristin about the trademark comment and also that you called her dumb. He's just laughing too. He's laughing. Bethany's like, what? I mean, I didn't say she was dumb. I just said, you know, I mean, I didn't say she was dumb. I'm just saying there's a there's an air polish already called pop. I mean, it's like coming out with a breakfast store called McDonald's. You know, who does that? McDonald's. It's already out there. Like, so who's going to do that? I mean, why would she do that? That's already a name. And I didn't say she was dumb. I just said she's, you know, she did a dumb thing, you know, if a vagina had a brain, some use brain would be even smaller than the vagina's brain, you know, Bethany's nonsensical sayings. Well, you can. I just inhaled in saliva. You can tell that on a certain level, they kind of clearly don't take Kristin seriously because they, Bethany cares so little about the fact that her that her words were like, like that her words were like turned around and twisted to Kristin. She cares so little about what Kristin thinks she really said that she's just laughing. Yeah. Yeah, she doesn't care. Her point is good too. I mean, is there really an air polish called pop already? Because there is then that is that is really then pop of color is it's very dumb. That's really bad. And I had her at one point tells her, um, you're, you know, you're, you're two ways. You're either really round tight or you're crying. And Bethany's like, well, you know, also sometimes I'm catatonic and she's like, oh, yeah, I remember that from my dream. And then they just laugh. And Bethany's like, wow, I actually like her. You know, I mean, I don't know her. I don't know you, but I like her. I mean, maybe if I do her one day, I'd like her. Maybe I'll know her, you know, maybe one day I'll actually know her. You know, I don't know. I can't know for now, you know, because my wall is up. Okay, I just want to be closed. I want to be closed. I want to be closed, Carol, closed, closed for business, closed right down the walls up. Everything's closed. Get away, turrets. So then we go to then we go to then we go to Luan now has a sportswear collection. It's like, um, you know, my impressions of offer clothes were not like wholly negative. I thought they were like perfectly fine. They sort of master style, but very like JCPenney, Walmart, kind of like, Ben, that is really mean to JCPenney. That is really rude. I wrote down old Navy. Okay. My store has way more class in your example. Well, it hurts. She does have some old Navy stuff in there. You know, like that. I thought it looked nice. I actually thought it looked nice, but it's sort of like, it's like mass market, whatever you call it, you know, like, which poor people close, man. That's what they call it. But you know, the truth is future dress bar. It's like colds, you know, but but the thing is that like, I don't know if that's a bad thing because, you know, she knows her audience. And that's, I think she's, if I'm hoping that, you know, behind closed doors, she's like, I want to design something that's going to appeal to that audience to make them feel elevated or something. That's probably what she's saying. When that I had a dream and it was that poor people didn't have clothes and all over New York City. There were just these hideous, pasty poor people who don't work out. It was disgusting. And I thought, I'm making clothes close for poor people. So that will never happen again. Like, thanks, land. You've really given back to the world. Good job. Man's like, I've decided to make a my mission to bring back Mandy's. I'm going to sell only my clothes. I'm trying to think of other like anything that was at like the Mandy's level. I can't think of anything but Mandy's. Mm-hmm. Mandy's. Mandy's. Mandy's is gone, right? It's gone. I don't even know what that is. It just sounds really like a poor person name. That means she's so poor. She couldn't even pronounce her whole name. God bless her heart. Poor people need short names like Sarah. Listen, we are going to debut my line at Annie Says. Okay, so you know that her. Oh, go ahead. I said, you know that you know about Annie says, right? No, I'm just pretending to know all these things. I'm smiling and nodding like I do in like a conversation with smarter people than me. There's a store or at least there used to be a store called Annie Says. It's called Anne. It was Annie and there's like S-E-Z and he says it was like that sort of clothing. They're like, here's the leap in lizard dress. Yeah, we're going to sell this at the Christmas tree shop. Really didn't go to factory. Here we come. So they're all gathering around to see Luanne's sportswear collection, which she is modeling hilariously by like hopping up and down and skipping around in a dress. That was a great modeling session. That's the best one I actually liked it. I actually thought it was a really good modeling session. I thought she looked like she was having fun and she was giving good posts. She was doing it. She looked exactly like those models prancing around in a Macy's commercial or JCPenney. Yeah, when Bethany said she looked like a MaxiPad commercial so true, except, you know, I mean, probably MaxiPad's aren't being used anymore, but yeah, still funny. It's more like a commercial for like legs or with two G's or maybe like Claritin. But so are legs the one that come in an egg? I think that that's just that's even more of a burn. I would say she's in an ad for blumas, you know. So anyway, so before Luanne starts modeling, though, there's drama because the girls are, it's like Heather, it's Kristen, it's Luanne. I think it's just the three of them at first and then Ramona and they're talking about Turks and Caico and then it turns out that Bethany is going to have to leave early because Brin has a recital of some sort, which Brin's like three years old. I don't know what she could be reciting the ABCs. Piano. Did she say piano or was that in my head that she said piano? She's playing the Hopsichord, you know, it's like the skinny girl version of a piano, harpsichord. So then, of course, Heather and Kristen are like, what? We have a rearrange everything, which is basically their way of looking to be annoyed, you know, because Bethany is going to be there for like three or four days and then she'll leave, you know. Yeah, who cares, who needs to be on a nine day trip with these bitches anyway? That's a long time. Yeah, so, but yeah, and Heather's like, look, everybody has problems. All right. I mean, I found a fingernail on the floor behind the refrigerator from one of the old nannies who left. Do you know how hard that was for me to see that fingernail and to remember what it was like not to have to be home with my children? And I like they also give credit to Heather every time anybody does something in fashion. They're like, oh, now it's the fashion Maeve and Heather. Okay, A, she stole Spanx and B, she's wearing like a stiff bathrobe. Like, why is she getting credit? She was. That was like a big stiff bathrobe that she was wearing. She's like, hi, mama. Hey, mama, which she actually says when she walks in. So then eventually Bethany shows up and Kristen's like, oh, can we talk about the trip? Can we like talk about it? Which I actually thought was a reasonable thing for her to say. I did not think she was coming on strong. She just said it like, can we talk about the trip? And then Bethany's like, listen, I have to leave early, you know, because if I don't leave early, then I'll be away from Bryn for nine days. And then all of a sudden she starts crying. I'll be way above a nine days. And then after that, I'm leaving for 12 days. And then after that, I'm leaving for 30 days. And then after that, I'm not saying her until she graduated from my school. First of all, if you're gone for nine days, and then you're gone for 12 days, those are both what some people would call work trips. And if you don't like being away for work, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it. You're worth $97, $8,000 billion. Yeah. Who are you blaming that your schedule is busy? Get out of here. I know. So then in the middle of this, then we cut to commercial. And my favorite thing was, they have like a tease for what's going to come after the commercial. They go coming up and then shows them someone going, Sonya was clearly intoxicated. I just started laughing. I don't know what's about to happen, but it's going to be funny. And then we come back and Bethany is so upset that she's sitting on wicker. And you know that can't be comfortable. She's like, if I move, if I change positions too fast on this wicker chair, I'm going to start a fire. All right. I'm crying over here. It's dry. I mean, like, is this wood or is it not wood? Is this seed? I mean, like, I mean, kill me. No, I don't know what this is. I don't know what this material is. I can't make it. It's just like a skinny girl chair. I can't take it. I don't know. It's too much for me. Walls, walls up, walls up. I want walls up and around the wicker walls, wicker walls at wicker park in the walls of wicker. I'm going to wicker wall, wicker wall, wicker wall, wicker wall. And Heather's like, don't call me a wicker. I see maxi pad ad could make a rag look good though. Oh, Heather, I love that they show Heather being shady on the side while Luan is or they're modeling the clothes because you know, somebody was like, Oh, my God, look at those clothes. And Heather was like, I know. But I mean, Kristen could make a rag look good, though. Even when they show her for one minute, something's totally seaworthy. And I say that only because she looks very raggedy all the time. So, you know, it just matches. And then we move over to Sonya's house. Yeah, Casa del Sonya and Caesar. So right now, Sonya has an issue. She's part she's packing for Turks and Caicos and everyone's skinny. And of course, she has she has like this new gay friend or it's like a friend of someone. And he's like, Oh girl, you got to look really good because all those girls are skinny. So you have to look your best. I was like, wow, that's great, great empowerment for women there. It's like Bethany's going girl, you need to I mean, have you heard of arm shading? We're doing it. We're doing it. She's like, no, I only know a toaster shading. I put contour on my toaster and make it look more sleek. So what I what I love is my toaster associated that I actually reached in there to get my toast. And I burned myself because I couldn't tell where the edges were shading. So I love that like Sonya has like two broken bathing suits. I love just the idea of referring to a bit a bathing suit is broken. Like my bathing suit broke. Like it's such a weird concept. Like it's usually like, Oh, it ripped its torrents. It's just best. Like, no, it's it's a broken bathing suit that needs the batteries need to be rid. I think someone take it to the mechanic. Okay. Take the bathing suit there. I'm how she explains. You need. Okay, here's how it works. You need one bathing suit that you look good in that you party in and then one that you actually swim in and then one that a waiter breaks off of you at four in the morning when you're getting it up the button the greenhouse. Yeah. And then you keep another bathing suit just for parts, you know. You know, like I learned a lot of things. I learned a lot of things from Fidel Castro. Okay. You can still dry a car from 1950 in 2015 and it can still keep a bathing suit from 1936 and 2015. Okay. Look, you think I got a vacuum cleaner for free? No, I put four different vacuum cleaners together. I mean, look, meet my new intern. Look how she has pick alarms. You think that's a coincidence? No, parts. She's a full on hybrid of all my previous interns. Why do you think I didn't let Heather in? Because I was dismantling an intern. I didn't see Edward's other parts. You ever see Edward's hands? I could say it again. You ever see Edward's hands? It's a story of my life. I couldn't let Heather into my lobby because if Heather broke, I don't have parts for Heather. I don't want to broken Heather. They were without a way to fix it. We need to have two headers. Okay. Okay. So what's next though? Oh, yeah. When she says Sonia's like, worried about being fat, which how can you be fat? You eat gray goose. Like that's all you've ever eaten. You're not fat. And she looks also amazing. Yeah, she looks so good. She's like, the good thing about suits is that they stretch. And I thought, you know what? We have a lot in common because that's also why I like my skin. That's so nice. So what else? What happened after this? Oh, yeah. The big limo to go to. To sunny side to go into Queens. And so then they started talking about Sonia. And they're like, so apparently all the girls went to boutique last night and everyone got drunk. And Sonia got wasted and was hanging off of Jan. And she won't even remember anything. She has a problem. Of course, she has a problem. Yeah. And they're all talking about how worried they are about Sonia. But I think that the really good thing about all of this was Bethany's history. Because I really like when Bethany opens up and talks about her childhood history. When she's like, look, you know, here's here's where we're going because my father used to, I'm a track girl. I'm a racetrack family, you know, and after the tracks, we used to go eat Italian food all the time. So it's just like being at the tracks. I mean, look, look at that bus boy beating the bartender over the head with the phone and then dragging him down. Look at that. Look at that wall carrying bread on that. That's how we did a track. Walls. Please don't ask me what I want. Don't ask me other meatballs. Okay, I just I don't want to talk about it. Okay, I want to be closed off. Walls when they when they were all shocked at that big, big thing of bread, I started laughing because only in Queens with they serve you bread like that nowhere else in the world. I mean, here in LA at pump, I asked for bread. They looked at me like crazy took 20 minutes and then brought me like raisin sandwich bread that was like badly toasted. Bread's not normal anymore, you guys, but in bro and Queens, it is. But I loved all the shock when they got that bread. And Ramona's like, Have you ever seen bread with meat in it? Oh, that's ridiculous. Bread with meat in it. And reminds me of sunshine. Rose like, look, if that meat did want to be in the middle of the bread, it would be in there. It's 40. All right, it's 40. You could do whatever it wants. If it wants to make a sandwich, you could do it. If you don't want to be in a sandwich, don't be in a sandwich. Jan, if you don't want to be in the middle of white bread, don't be in the middle of white bread. Who are you complaining to me? No, get out of here. This is my third basket of bread. I can't ask for another one. I'm cut off. Derinda was cracking me up when she was talking about like me on March. He's like, Hey, you ever been to Malama? Hey, you ever been to Oreo? You mean China? Yeah. You ever been to Panama, Jacks? I mean, what a country. You should see all the floral shirts they have for old fat men. Hey, you ever been to Milano? No, it's not the cookie. You mean Milan. Yeah, yeah, that one. Have you ever been to Melania? Oh, what a riot. Hey, you ever been to Chips Ahoy? What? You know the city with the big tower? Oh, you mean Paris? Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. I'm going to spend my honeymoon with John and Dada butter. You mean the Netherlands? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever been to Graham Cracker? You mean South Africa? Yeah, yeah, like Cape Town, yeah. So this is the part where they're done and they're standing. Okay, I first off, No one ate bread and Bethany ate half of a rigatoni, half, and then she went to the bathroom. She's like, I got to go to the bathroom. I can't talk about this. Wolf went to the bathroom. God knows, threw up like a little half a piece of pasta. And then they all went to the bar to see how hot they are. And they all pretended to keep walking past these guys. Okay, these guys, these guys, they were gross guys, right? I think that they were they would look at anybody who passed. Yeah, they would, especially people who have a camera following them in the restaurant. Of course, they're going to look. Yeah, and it was the same two guys every time. They're like, Oh, what? I'm sorry mind your way. Both times. And they're like, Oh, you got two. And then right when I wrote that down, Bethany got one. I was like, Oh God, even that guy's not interested in her. And he's interested in everything. Well, she probably was happy because she doesn't want to be looked at. Okay, I don't want I don't want any of this. Okay, I've had enough. Okay, I just I'm close. If you look at me in the in the Italian restaurant, I'm gonna be on the floor. Okay, I'm gonna begin the floor crying into the bread basket. Okay, sorry, walls. Don't muffin be bread. You know, all I want is to spend some time with bread. And Jason stole it from me. I'm going to be on the floor. I'm going to be on the floor. I don't want to talk about it. Well, if we spend any more time here in this restaurant, it will have been nine hours since I saw a grin and gave it bread. Dark Wow, Dorinda, you got the most looks and she's like, I think it's because I still smell like the bread. Don't look you. It's better than it's better than the Liz Taylor perfume. I smell like meat bread. I smell, I smell, I smell like I just came out of the plane from Lorna Dune. Oh, you mean London? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. I am staring at my really terrible writing right now, wondering what the hell to talk to. Why am I putting Ramona exercising? Ramona doesn't exercise. No, because no, because what happens is that Ramona met them at Bethany at Nail Salon and she was like, look at my arms. My arms are getting so big. You know, I'm getting really big arms. It's like, I'm really strong. I'm a strong person now, you know. Oh, yeah. And then she starts doing her punches or whatever. I'm sorry. I'm just very strong. Okay. So next, you know, next time they want to do a Terminator movie, they should hire me because I am like the Terminator. I could run and I can punch. I'm very strong. I'm sorry. Okay. The new Terminator. Okay. Now that we're done talking about my strength, let me tell you, are you feeling good? Are you happy because you look happy? I mean, I'm happy. It's a new year. I mean, yesterday, I didn't want to get a pedicure. And here I am today because I'm new. I'm brand new. Touch my feet. I don't even care. Do whatever you want. Make stripes on them. What are the kids doing? Do they have stripes? Do they have stripes? Striped my toe. Go ahead. Do it. I don't even care. I'm new. It's new. So of course, Ramona being a total sh*tster is like, you know what, Bethany? Okay. I want to tell you something and I don't want you to get sad when I tell you. Okay. I want you to think of Sunshine. Okay. So the other day before you got to Luan Shoe, Kristin was like really going at you. Okay. She was like, she was like, why? Why does Bethany have to be that way? Why does Bethany have to rearrange everything? And she just throws Kristin crazy under the bus. And I was like, she hates Kristin. I love it. I mean, I was like laughing because it's reality TV, but it was mean. That was mean. She just is like stirring the spot. Yeah. And Bethany is like, I mean, whatever. You know, we saw each other the other day that AOA place, you know, while you were waiting for Mario. And you know, I see her over there with that sour puss just staring at me, staring at me. And I knew what she wanted. And so when she came up, I just brushed her away. And I said, no, I mean, who would get mad at that? I don't know her. I don't know her. Yeah. I was like, I was like, you know what, I felt like I was in a box of cupcakes. And she was that she was like a muffin. I didn't want the muffin in my cupcake box. I wanted to box her out. And she got all mad. She got the pune in face. She got the, she got the forbidden pune in face. Meanwhile, those poor nail technicians with them, with those women barking at them, Ramona's like, I want sparkles. Okay, you know what, you know what, you do this one and then don't do that one. Okay, then do a sparkle there. Okay. Okay. Okay. Can you do stripes? And Bethany is like, um, listen, I don't even care about her because toast before hose. And Ramona's like, hose, who's gardening? I mean, what are you talking about hose? No, no, you know, like the kids say, you know, the kids say bros before your hose. And she's like, what? Who's a bro? Who's what breath is said that? No, no, bros before like a hooker, like a prostitute, bro, bro, bro, bro. I show you're not talking about pros, like in a book, pros before hose, like you want to read before you become a prostitute. That's what you mean? Okay, that makes much more sense, Bethany. And Bethany's just heard bros before hose. I love this show. I love that Ramona clearly has never heard that expression. Still doesn't even understand it. So why are you talking about hookers? I didn't even bring Mairi up. I mean, I don't even care if he calls. I mean, what what is before hose with Mario? Nothing. It's like Mario Tomario doesn't even know bros before hose. It's just hose and then more hose. If they're saying to that, what does that mean? Is it about toes? Is it about Kristen? Well, you know, that Ramona's gonna go to Kristen now and be like, listen, you know, I know you're a pretty stupid girl, but I want to tell you something and I want you to be able to listen to it. Okay. So the other day, I was with Bethany. Okay. And you know what she said? Okay. She said you were a ho. Okay. And that she had that you have brothers. Okay. And that you like to hang out with your brothers and and you guys are like brothers and prostitutes all together. And that's what she said. No one likes your toes. No one likes your toes. They get faces very pretty because that's how they all whenever they're mad at Kristen, they're like, Oh, what a bitch. But I mean, she's very pretty. But I mean, what a bitch. That is so true. I mean, she said you're pretty although she said she didn't know what to be to be fair. She did say that you have a put him. Okay, she you have a forbidden put him, you know, but a pretty put him, you know, but I'm sorry. That's what she's saying. I'm just being honest. Sorry. Those before punms. I don't know what it means either. But the kid is something about brothers and hookers. I don't know. Let's tell your friends. Yeah. So then Luan is having some sort of launch or whatever for her for her fashion line. Well, she's at this hotel. I originally came to this hotel when it was built in 1937 and built by President Roosevelt. I mean, what a party thrower that guy was who says you can't party sitting down. I'll tell you that not originate in the White House. All right. So yeah, so she has a suite and like a pre-party and everyone's there having fun. And then Ramona enters where Ramona blue, Ramona blue. And she just walks in and you just know it's going to be bad. Like you can just tell it's going to be bad news. And so she first so she was like, hi, hi, hi. Oh, Kristin. Okay. You know what? I have to say something to you. You know what? I thought that it was really I think I think it was really bad of you. I think it was bad that you attacked that you attacked Bethany that way. I think it was just, you know, it wasn't it wasn't very nice. Okay, it wasn't like sunshine. I mean, what you did to Bethany coming at her like that when you know she's going through so many things. I mean, do you know how hard it is for Bethany? Do you know how difficult it is for her? She is going through hell. And then you come out and you punch her in the face. And then you punch her in the face. Do you know what that's like? Do you know what that's like being Bethany? Being run over again and again. You're like a speed bump that just, you know, you treat her like a speed bump. It's just right in the middle of the street. You don't even slow down. You just keep driving really fast down the street like in the Berkshires. Do you know how many cats died in the Berkshires because of people like, yo, you know what? It's like, you're very sharp. You know what? Like you're very cutting in a very sharp Kristin. You know, it's like, it's like you're a box cutter, you know, and you know what? And those aren't allowed in airplanes. So just stay out of her box. Kristin's like, I don't know where you guys are making fun of me. I'm coming up with a new company called Boxy Charm. She's like, yeah, no, Boxy Charming. That's her new company. So, so, but I love though that Ramona is like, I can't believe that Bethany walks in. The moment she walks in, you're attacking your at me wall. This is Ramona, who's just walked in and is attacking. I know. And Heather called her on it, which was funny. She's like, well, I don't know. I mean, here you are. And then Luann is like, and then Luann is like, darling, please just settle down. And Ramona is like, no, Luann, Luann, I need to talk. And I was like, don't boss me around my suite. Like the Royal Suites. And then this is my suite now. All right, it's a very important suite, as you can probably tell, because Daniel Day Lewis is here playing my son. So, oh my God, my my vertical blinds are flapping in the wind. So, so then like the Ramona and Kristin are still going out. And then Ramona is like, Kristin, are you that dumb? Are you that dumb not to realize what's going on? And then Kristin gets mad. You only have to call Kristin dumb. And that's all you really need to do to piss her off. But it is sound pretty. Yeah. And then she's like, well, she had a good line. And she's like, you know, she said something lines up just because you're wearing royal blue does not make you like the king of this place, whatever, the queen. No, she was like, oh, because you're wearing royal blue. You think you're a royaler than everybody else? Maybe it wasn't as good of a line as I thought. A royaler. I think I heard the first part of the line. And I sort of knew where she's going with it. So, I just automatically give her credit. But then now that I hear the second part, I'm like, no. Way to fight somebody about how stupid you are, aren't. So that was kind of funny. It was like a traditional stupid fight, which you got to love. And meanwhile, Louisne's back in the back with Paisley dresses me out of made out of rayon, you know, yeah, swirling around like, oh, here my kids are. Oh, thank God. My kids are here. You know, I mean, Lord knows I support my kids. No, what all I've done for my kids least they could do is show up and put on a dress from Mervins. I mean, come on. Just like, I'm just glad that Noelle showed up. And he's like, I only showed up because I still want to go to Taco Tuesday, mom. I call your father. Call that cleaning lady we once had. What was her name? Robin. Gentleies. Oh, God. So they start talking about how they start talking about Bethany again. It's just no, no, no, at that point, nothing really happened. And basically, it's just that they also are taking mannequins downstairs. Carson Krusty shows up. The mannequins fall apart in the hallway and just kind of a disaster in the whole episode sort of ended right then, right? Pretty much. Yeah. Dorinda's just like, you know, it's okay for Bethany to take a break. Sometimes I'm just going around the floor and I'm picking up the same lint over and over again. I have to say, Dorinda, sometimes it's okay to go into the kitchen, plug yourself into the wall, and just sit there. All right, what's after New York then? Bye New York. Bye New York. We only spent over an hour talking about you. Why don't we go from New York to Long Island? Lord knows I've supported New York. It owes me. So I've dragged New York out of the bushes, drunk after saying the inward on the internet. All right, I've done a lot for New York. Well, anyway, so secrets and lies, wise, I'm like, I'm never going to let it go. That's my page turning. Riff. Not Riff. What do you call it in a musical when they just start playing the music? Vamp. Yes, my vamp thing. That's okay. No need to vamp because I will guide us to Long Island. We'll go down the LIE. We're getting my cutting light. We're getting, oh my god, I'm paralyzed in this traffic. This Hampton's traffic, we're actually going to Montauk first, because we pick up with secrets and wives. Well, actually, before we even get into that, people, if you're not watching this show, if you're not watching this show about old Long Island women who are basically prostitutes for their husbands, if you're not watching it, no joke. It's hilarious. It's so good. I love it. Nothing even happened this episode. Nothing happened, and I'm sitting there just laughing and enjoying it. I love it. So we start at Gurney's in Montauk, because if you remember from last week, all the women went to Gurney's. So the women decide that they're going to get into shape. So they do a boot camp on the beach class, which basically consists of them sprinting to a garbage can and back, which is sort of like the theme for the show. So, and that's like pretty much all they do. And I love how like they're running so slowly, and then Andy, I guess, runs a little faster. And of course, like, Andy, what the... Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles that you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. There's more to imagine when you listen, and one title that I've been listening to is my friend, Neil J. Young's coming out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text "crapins" to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text "crapins" to 500-500. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. We're back to tell you more about the latest Dash Pass annual plan benefit. Streammax with ads included at no extra cost. You know what's a great night for us? Ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the max original hacks. Which won best comedy, deservedly so, and we love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart, but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu, who also is a huge Bravo fan. Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks, but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza, sometimes it's a salad, and I can get both with DoorDash. How about some ice cream? That's what I like to eat with my hacks. 100% I will double Dash. I will get a salad and then double Dash some ice cream. Why not? Sign up for a Dash Pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max has now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. Streammax with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply, see doorDash.com/maxfor details. What the hell? You run so fast, Andy. Andy, what the hell? Were you in the Olympics or something? Why are you running so fast? What are you going to be on the covers of the Wheaties box? Look at you running. Ah, disgusting. Andy. Geez, Andy, you're taking performance enhancing drugs. Was that one of the things that your husband left back for you, a steroid injection? Andy, what the hell? When the Susan comes, Susan comes, like, totally underdressed. They're like, oh my God, look at Susan. Susan's like, I'm sorry I didn't dress nicer, but I have a job, and this is what people with job stress like, all right? It just so happens that my job is to run on the beach, so it works out. And gals, like, everywhere that's going to get in shape, even though my husband left the trip, you know, I picked a place called Gurney's, because I figured my doctor, husband, would be able to handle it, but he just could me. He had to go back to real Gurney's, where people aren't ordering disgusting, heaping bowls of mac and cheese. All right, let's just exercise and forget all about it. Well, by the way, so Gail says also, she's like, well, you know what, I had to stay in shape because other women are trying to steal my man. I'm like, you know what, I hate that. I just hate when women say that, because it's like, first of all, it's implying that the other women are the problem. It's like, no, you should have a man who's going to love you, and, you know, he's not going to, like, look the other way the moment you gain five pounds gale. And who's going to be chasing after your man? Okay, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito got back together. There's, like, no one else out there. I know, he is not a catch. I guess I'm less here from Long Island. So, um, so then we go to Amy, right? Amy, who's at home, because her son Max, her son Max just came home with a puppy. Max, like, that can't stay here. That can't stay here in his house, Max. I'm sorry. No, you got to take it back, Max. You please tell me that's a joke. I'm the needy bitch in this house. Get that talk out of here. I like that, uh, she found a ticket, a traffic ticket in her purse. He gets a traffic ticket in his car, and then just puts it in her purse. Like, she's going to think it's hers. She's like, Max, this has your license on it. It's yours. And he's like, no, what is it, mama? No, it's not, mama. Mom, I'm talking to the ice cream truck right now. Can I call you back? Well, you're eyeing my two, too. I feel like an idiot. Max, is this ticket going to go on to the insta? Is it going to go on insta, Max? Come on now. Come on, Max. Oh, come on. Not with a puppy, too. Oh, you can't, no, you can't do that. But then what Amy tells us is she goes, you know, this is why things with Arthur aren't working out, because I'm spending so much time with Max. I can't put it in the time that I need with my relationship. I'm like, oh my God, another setback for ladies. It's not, no, it has nothing to do with the fact that you're spending too much time with yourself. Although you are, it has to do with the fact that Arthur is an asshole, and I like how she is still choldering to blame for this asshole. Well, she's not really choldering it. She's putting it on somebody else. Like, if it weren't for the kid, like, if it weren't for the kid or the dog, I mean, he'd be totally happy with me. I mean, this is all about two twos and ice cream trot. Well, she is both choldering it because she's implying that it's on her end, why it's not working. And then she's also blaming her son. So that's also-- I'm so worried about Max. I mean, he's going to be just like his father, who doesn't do anything. And look, I can't just divorce my son. I mean, unless it's like that movie with Drew Barrymore, where she divorces her parents. But her mom was Shelly Long. I mean, I'm not going to be Shelly Long. I'm not going to do it. I'm not doing it. I would never leave Cheers. I won't leave Cheers. No, Max, I'm sorry. You have to run this Bob by yourself. I can't do this. I can't do this work for you. Max. If you think Chris Ciali can replace me-- Oh my god, Max is so happy with Chris Ciali. I'm mortified. Mortified right now. I just want to move off with Arthur to Seattle so we can have his own talk radio show. OK, that's all I want. Um, actually, before this, we were still at Gurney's. And the girls had the talk on the beach because Susan was like, listen. I'm taking time out from my job to talk to the girls. And she's trying to apologize to Andy and Liza about all the stuff she said about. Oh, yeah. Liza. And that was hilarious. Because she's kind of talking behind her back. And she's like, listen. You know, Andy and Liza, I mean, I don't appreciate it. Because Andy twisted my words. And I never said anything bad about Liza. I mean, all I said was, wait, you're 47. I mean, what's wrong with you? Get a job. You cheat on your husband. And then you lose your house. And you want me to feel bad for you? I don't feel bad for you. I mean, what's wrong with saying that? Nothing. Nothing. I know. You know what? Just get a job, OK? Be a professional like me. OK, you just said it. Like, I can't even imagine staying home all alone. No offense. No offense. Uh-huh. And meanwhile, while they're having that talk, like nearby, Corey is like with her husband and like someone else. And I think with Gail, and she's eating. She's like, everyone, don't make fun of me. Don't make fun of me and my eating, OK? Don't make fun of it. And then the friend Gail was like, you have a great body. You have a great body. And then her husband's like, yeah, you have a very good body. I mean, I would even say great. And she's like, oh, you would even say. You would even say? And he's like, what a putts with his stupid toupee. Don't talk about someone's body when you've got a hair piece that looks like a hedgehog fell on top of you. A dog. Sonic the Hedgehog. Yeah, exactly. So then-- So they're talking about their sex-- sex-- I just wrote blow jobs last week. I don't know why I put that. Yeah, they're like, like, how would you characterize your sex life? And he's like, excellent. She's like, yeah, that's about right. He's like, she gets me blow jobs. OK, well, glad we talked about this. He's like, I know I loved her. When on our first date, she ate seven courses. Yeah. So it's so romantic. You're while Susan's like, listen, that's a good woman. She has a job. She knows a job. She knows how to do a job. Oh, by the way, middle of the show, Brandy Glanville Alert. Her latest tweet is, just saw a really cute house for us. It has other applications. Fingers crossed. Oh, no. She's already looking for a new rental. Oh, my-- By rental on the hill. I know. She's going to be living in the fucking oak tree. Yeah. That's-- I mean, gosh, she moves a lot. She's like a mover and shaker in the worst way. Yeah. Live within your means, guys. Yeah. So then after the Hamptons-- well, I should say, after Montauk, then Liza. Liza and her mother, Roberta, they go to the Hamptons to visit their gay pals. And I loved her mom. She's just kept on saying, this car is so low to the ground. So I had to roll out of this car. It's so low. To roll out of this car. How do I-- I hope you guys are having fun in there, because I'm stuck here on the ground next to gravel. Jesus. Is this a car? Is it a hoverboard? It's so low. It's so low right now. They make these cars so low now. I mean, this car is-- Do the cars are lower, the roads are higher. I can't tell. [LAUGHING] I'm fast-forwarding through all my notes, because I wrote notes of, of course, every stupid little thing. I'm on the ground. I'm on the ground. I'm on the ground. Let me in. Let me out. What about Liza looking at homes? Have we gotten to that part? No, not yet. So right now, Liza's at the Hamptons. She's like, you know what? You know what? I'm paralyzed, because I'm so happy. I just-- I love coming to the Hamptons. I feel like I'm on vacation. I'm like vacation from what, from what, sitting around your pool? It's hard work. It's hard work to make sure that little boys doing his work. I got to do quality assurance every single day for four hours. Finally, I'm not just paralyzed. Now I'm paralyzed out of town. Paralyzed in a new place. Oh, I did want to say something about the mom, because I really-- they just left the mom outside complaining about gravel for seriously 10 minutes. And the gays were there, like the straight bravo-- the new straight bravo game, which I love. But that gay couple was there. And they're like, oh, your mom's outside. Oh, we'll go help. And then he's like, hi, honey. How are you? And he's like putting his arm around. He's being so nice. And I thought, you know what? God bless the gay guys in this town, because you know they're the only ones who will tell to old ladies. Excuse me, the Hamptons gays are Ina Garten gays. So we know that they're OK with that. This is the-- what's your-- no, I'm sure. This is what we call a North Shore, getting out of car embark this embarkment. And then they go on a boat and Liza's like, I don't know how I can do this. I mean, it's going to be so hard. I've never been alone. And the guy is like, well, listen, it's a new chapter. The house was one part of your life. This is a new part. Listen, you can do this. You were Liza yesterday. You Liza today. You'll be Liza tomorrow like you were Liza yesterday. Agree to the four agreements. One, be Liza. Two, be Liza. Three, be Liza. And four, be Liza. She's like, I can do that. She's like, well, this is so exciting. I'm immediately paralyzed. You know, you can't say paralyzed without saying paralyzed. You can't say paralyzed without saying Liza. Paralyzed. So-- Liza with the paralyze. Liza with the P. But you know, it's sort of funny because his advice was more or less the same as Susan's, except he didn't say get a job. But later on, the episode, she was like, you know what? I really took what he said to Hot. Like, he really made a lot of sense. I'm like, well, Susan said the same thing, but you just don't like her because she's a woman. Yeah. So anyway, back-- And also, maybe she's racist. Yeah, probably that too. So back to Woodberry. Back to Woodberry. Gail brings her disgusting husband to salad. And he's like, a salad. Yuck, ew, this is disgusting and looked fine. Yeah, and she's like, you need to come into my world a little bit because I'm always in your world. And he's like, yeah, I'll get right on that, babe. She's like, this salad represents my world, OK? It's empty, it's unsatisfying, doesn't taste good, and you want something more. It's dry, but you swallow it anyway. I mean, isn't that just like marriage? She-- what was I going to say about this? This scene was very shady because they show that slutty secretary who got the employee of the month boobs wearing some boob-alicious dress. And one girl is like-- the doctor says to her, your hair is on top. Look at that, your hair is on top of your head. And she's like, you see? Look how he's not complimenting me, huh? Look at that, that's how he compliments me. And then Gail comes in, and she gives her-- the secretary gives Gail this fake icy smile. And I was like, oh, no. Well, Gail, meanwhile, her explanation for showing up is, she says, you know, the only way I can see my husband during the day is if I actually go to his office. My congratulations, that's the way it works around the world. When people have jobs, if you want to see them during the day, you have to go to their job. And by the way, it's not customary that you just like go to like your husband's job or vice versa. Like, that's not like a thing. It's not like you're expected-- when your significant other goes off to work, you're not expected to then see them throughout the day, you know? Have some respect. It's not just him who's working. Gail is working very hard at that business, OK? She's been a partner for a years, Ben, OK? Yeah, you're right. I worked. I brought a dry salad. I mean, it's like a waiter. I'm like, working for $2 an hour plus tips. I mean, how pathetic is that? I love that her big move is that it's such a passive-aggressive power move is to institute a white blazer that everyone has to wear now, which is A, to cover up the Hot Girls tits, which was very funny. Pretty much. Which is-- you know, Andy said it on the show, but even before she said it, it was like patently obvious what she was doing. But second of all, it's like, you know, I feel like I'm always hearing stories of people who work in offices or in workplaces when they're like, yeah, but oh, we have to deal with the boss's wife, like, because she comes in and she makes orders. There's always like a boss's wife who inserts herself and wants to make herself feel relevant. So she does these micromanaging, annoying things that annoy all the workers. And I'm like, oh, my god, Gell is exactly one of those. Because when she says, she's like, you know, I'm more than just his wife. I'm not his arm candy. I'm like, no, you are exactly his arm candy. And you're not-- and like, you're like the bad arm candy. You're like the crappy candy that falls out of a pinata, you know, like that generic sugar candy that no one actually really wants. He doesn't need arm candy. He's like literally got Snickers bars on his desk. Yeah. Yeah, he's got Snickers bars on his desk. And you are basically an old Jolly Rancher. He's got a green M&M at the front desk with the giant jugs that he made himself. So I don't think he needs you. But that was sad. And then Susan's like, look, I know nobody wants my opinion, but as somebody with a job, I think they insecure because they both cheated on their husbands and wives with each other. So what's their paranoia? Of course they are. And you know what? That is true. Yeah. But you know, she's like, listen, one of John's friends from jail, you know, he cheated on John, but he can still come over. I'm not going to trust him. Wait, what's her fat husband's name? Is it John? I think it's John. John. By the way, I don't know why I'm calling everybody fat today. I think it's because we're watching this show. And also because I'm still on a diet. And so I'm in that mood where everybody's fat around me because I'm worried about my own fat, you guys. It comes from my own insecurity. So if you're sitting there looking at your own waistline, I'm not judging you unless you're actually in front of me at Starbucks, and I am. But otherwise, it's not about you. I think we can give you a pass for fat shaming and ancillary character on secrets and wives. I think it's OK. Thank you. I think I've said fat 20 times today. So then-- I'm saying it's on myself. Well, you know what? They just need to eat salads, OK? Come into my world. So then Liza goes over to a friend's house and she's in the kitchen, and the friend has a gum drawer. And Liza's like, oh, I wish I could have a drawer full of gum. Yeah, no, I'm sure. The classiest place on earth. Look at all these different flavors of gum that you have. I'm paralyzed looking at this gum. Oh my god. You know, I would have cheated on my husband a lot sooner had I known that other wives had gum drawers, and I didn't. I mean, now I feel justified. I wish I knew this before I signed those divorce papers. I would have brought this up. Yes, I cheated on my husband, but he never gave me a gum drawer. I mean, get out of here. You know what I know what I want? I want to have a full wardrobe full of nothing but dentine. Dentine, one side for dentine and one side for dentine eyes, OK? If I ever do get a job and I get really rich, I'll have a separate drawer for orbits. Here's what I want. OK, I want a dresser. And the first drawer is for orbits, second drawer is for chicklets, third drawer for dentine, fourth drawer for extra. Biz manager, oh my god, the double mint twins, the entire town fucked them. Funny story, author was once engaged to both double mint twins at different times and gave them all a ring from the vending machine. So should we just skip to that part? I'm trying to see what else happened. All the next part is the work thing with Corey and Sandy at work when the managers like, listen, I cannot take any more of your husband coming in here and telling me what to do. And she's like, oh, OK, I'll talk to him. And then they get the meeting. And he's like, listen, here's what we need to do. We need a pattern of traffic, all right? Because we're new and no one knows where we are. So we need a pattern of traffic. We got to create it. All right, what we need to do, OK? We need to get a big jaw of Vagisil. Put it in the middle. The woman will flock. They have patterned traffic done. New to pay. That's it. You don't want anal relaxes? Fine. Take all the anal relaxes out of the storage room. Let's put them in the middle of the road and divert traffic into here to create a pattern of traffic. All right? And by the way, this is the inverse of what I was talking about with Gail. When I was talking about like, oh, you know how there are always those wives that meddle with the workplace? Well, this is the other way. Just in case you thought I was being sexist, yes. The guys do it too. Well, the difference is that he actually paid for the business. He actually paid in the actual jail. He actually has some business background, maybe not acumen, but at least background. So unlike Gail, who comes in like, you know what I'd like? I'd like them to wear some blazes. I want some blazes on them. Gail's the worst. This was funny, though, because Corey has to tell us every week. She's like, you know, it's been hot. I mean, look, everything went to hell when the mercantile exchange went digital. I mean, it's like when answering machines were putting operators out of work. You know, people answering their own phone at home. How many people did you see wandering around saying press one foot English to themselves like idiots? You know, the future is killing us. It's killing us. You know, the worst thing that happens, that Sandy's next job is working as an operator at AT&T. And then here comes cell phones ruined. You know how Sandy feels? Sandy feels like the New York Times feels about the internet. That's how he feels. He's going to start putting collect ads on his face just to make a little extra money. The only difference is that Sandy isn't getting thinner. [LAUGHTER] And this is never an arts and entertainment section. Yeah. But it's OK. He's going to get a job as a parking attendant. I think that's going to turn things around. What? They got rid of pocket pens and put in machines. Oh, my God. Oh, we're all doing. Oh, my God. We're going to have to leave the North Shore. By economy, you were a good friend while you lasted the digital age. Who knew? [LAUGHTER] So speaking of business acumen, probably my favorite scene of the episode was Corey bringing Susan to a lab of some sort that does like vitamins for spa things. I kind of zoned out on the exposition of it, but it was a business trip, you know? Because Corey wanted to do vitamin infusion. Vitamin infusion, right? So Corey's exploring this. So she's like, so I thought I'd bring along Susan because she's a successful business woman. Oh, my God. So Susan was like, OK, I'm on TV. I'm being shown as a good business woman. Gotta have my moments. So this is a great compare and contrast. When Bethany goes and sees Sonia's business things, she gives good ideas and has interesting questions. Susan, she's like, OK, so how about an infusion that gets you drunk without the calories? How about that? How about-- oh, look at these gowns. These are much nicer than the gowns I get at my OBGYN. Oh, this is nice. How about an infusion that makes me hornier? You know, do that. Let's get something that makes you hornier. Can we do one that includes-- How about an infusion that can make my husband stop calling me call us when he's doing me for behind? How about-- can we do an infusion of different colors? That way it's like-- I'm just thinking of branding. I think we have different ways we could do this. I think it's just-- be wonderful. They're like, we don't want to inject chemicals, unnecessary chemicals into your living. OK, you know I get it, I get it. I'm just thinking branding, you know, Donald Trump. You know, I'm a business woman. OK, look, you know what people love sandwiches. Can you infuse me with the sandwich? Like maybe a club? I'm just thinking of reasons why I would go there. I would go there if you told me there was a spin class. Can you inject-- OK, here's what you do. Can you grind down a spinning bike and then inject it into me? How about that? It feels like a barrel-wise. It would just paralyzation into people. OK, here's what would work. Could you infuse an anti-parallization drug into my body? So that way if I get paralyzed like Liza, I can be un-parallized, thank you. Here's what women in this neighborhood need to be infused with. Jobs, can you just infuse people? Can we have like a job for infusion? You could just stick a needle in people and then they'll be working. Come seriously, I mean it's disgusting. Here, can we put the Korea Services Department of Hofstra University, can we put that into an infusion, put it in someone's arm? Thank you. [LAUGHTER] Just thinking about branding, that's all. That's all I'm thinking about. Get a job. Why doesn't anyone here have a job? They're all working. What? Oh, OK. And even the guys who are working at the lab, who are supposed to be professional scientists, are sexist pieces of shit. And Susan's like, oh god, last time I wore a hospital gown, I was at the OBGYN. And one of the scientists was like, oh god, you've got to listen to this all day. You've got women talking. Geez, nice to even the scientist or dicks. Yeah. This is what we call a North Shore tour of a facility. Step one, go in there. Step two, make a lot of dumb suggestions. Step three, leave. Step four, infuse yourself. With Korea, aspirations. Step five, get paralyzed in the parking lot because you just saw so many vitamins. When Susan said, oh yeah, I can see why she would ask me to come here and give her help, I run a $40 to $50 million a year business. I'm like, no, you don't. You, the first scene of you was your husband. You asking your husband for $20. Like, get out of here. No one believes this. Yeah, like, your office is half the size of this podcasting studio. And by the way, this podcasting studio is my bedroom. So then we go to Liza, who is sitting by her pool. And she literally says, I love my pool. It's like being on vacation. It's just everything like vacation. Everything is like vacation to the zoom in. Because she's on a vacation. So anything that reminds about anything else in her life makes me think of vacation because it's all one big fucking vacation. I remember when I gave childbirth. It was like vacation. I just laid there. They gave me drugs. Next thing I knew my vagina was out of shape. I mean, just like the first time I went to Puerto Rico. Sometimes I go to the travel agent and I say, book me two tickets to my pool. I want to go on vacation. Oh, I'm a lazy son. Oh, god, this is the part with Amy complaining about her kid. Yeah, yeah. Amy is that girlfriend who always shows up. And everything's always terrible. And she's like, oh my god, this man abuses me. And that man abuses me. And my son's abusing me. And then they're like, stop taking the abuse. And she's like, don't tell me that. Don't tell me what to do. I know what a relationship is. It takes a lot of work. I mean, I'm here, you know, I'm putting myself into this relationship, you know. I mean, just the other day, I put bandaids on my face before I came home, just so he didn't feel bad for making me breathe later. I mean, it's called being in the relationship together, OK? Well, she's the type that loves to complain about it, but then loves the drama. And social always probably put a spin on it for why it's still good to have it in her life. She's like, you know what, all Max does is he just yells at me. He brings back a puppy. You know, he just yells at me. I don't get it. Like, I'm spending too much time with him. But you know what, though, he's my son. And I'm too good of a mother. I can't kick him out. I'm just too good of a mother, too good of a person like that. Oh, well. I mean, he's a horrible kid. I mean, all he does is use me. He's never going to grow up. Get rid of him. Well, he is friends with the ice cream truck driver. And that's really nice. I mean, I've said that I had the ice cream truck man for years, and he's never talked to me. I mean, Max is breaking. You know, he's breaking through boundaries. Yeah. And he's like very popular on Insta. So like, that's important to me, too. Insta. So this video is frozen. It's paralyzed. So yeah. So then the conversation turns because, you know, apparently before Amy was married to Mack, Mark was engaged to Liza. And they're talking about it. And it turns out that this guy, Mark, recycled his engagement ring that was on Liza's finger and gave it to Amy. And Amy's like, oh, my god. Oh, my god. I feel nauseous now. Oh, my god. She's like, wait a second. Did it have rolling baguettes on the side? And then Liza's like, is there any other kind of ring? What kind of ring would be in Long Island without baguettes on the side? I don't even know what baguettes are. I've never heard of that either, but I just loved it. I love that they're talking about a wedding ring. And they're like, was the baguettes on the side? Yes. And all the women in New York would have gone crazy over it. But I was happy. I love a baguette on the side. It was pear-shaped. So how did he propose? Oh, he used the same ring. Did he use the same proposal to you? To me, he said, you're a dumb bitch. Come home with me. And I said, yes. And she's like, oh, my god, me too. I'm paralyzed. It's paralyzed. I can't believe what a small rule this is. It's unparrelized. Like, reach over, unparrelize me. It's such a small world you can reach it. And I love that the guy had two rings. Liza's like, yeah, I was just in the kitchen thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a gum drawer. And then this guy's offering me a choice of two rings. He's just pulling out two rings. Men in Long Island are prepared for this life. Well, Mark's like, well, Mark's like, well, Mark's like, well, you know what? I went to Caldor's, and they had a two for one sale on their jewelry, so I got two rings for the price of one. It's, you know, $45. No one will notice your raw stress for less ruining next year. All right? I'll save this. It's like they're bar mitzvah present. Like, you're finally becoming a man. Here's five wedding rings, all right? Use these wisely, because we're not giving you another one. You know what the best part about this engagement ring is? If you get stressed, it changes colors. Enjoy. [LAUGHS] Hey, does this still have crumbs from the Fruity travels box? I mean, what is this? I got a rainbow on my finger. Yeah, I hope you-- I hope you not get a spider. It's because that's what your ring is. It's a spider ring. You put it on. It looks like you got a spider on your hand. Amy was making fun of her. She's like, oh, so you got my ring? You got a hand me down? Yeah, well, so did your ex-husband. So it's only fair. Why should the ring be new? Yeah, exactly. So then Gail takes Steven to the gym. She's like, I want him to see my world. Like, I feel so sad that her world is going to the gym. Or to an empty gym, and trying really hard with Camille Grammar, trying to dance faces on a spinner. No, no, no. This was just like, oh, this was sad. Listen, it is so hard getting him to work out. It's like pulling teeth to get him to work out. And listen, I didn't become a dentist just to be married. All right? I'm not going to-- I'm no dentist, otherwise I wouldn't need this fucking idiot. We're just going to go on the elliptical. And it's a very meaningful part of my life. So he just has to understand it. And when Gail's like, oh, I just did it for our marriage, because you know how a relationship saw, you have to work and work at it to make a relationship work. Bitch, when have you ever made a relationship work? Please. Who are you telling? Please, why don't you get back to us once you've ever done that in your entire life? Get out of here, fucking home wrecker. Yeah, does she? I think of all the women, she is like the quintessential example of what people hate about Long Island. There are a lot of good things about Long Island, but when people think about, oh, long island-- when people do the, oh, Long Island thing or your Long Island, they think of her as some materialistic lady who just goes and buys a new outfit to do boot camp on the beach and marries for money, drags her husband to some suburban gym, lives for soul cycle, and is our harpy and a shrew and awful in all different ways. It's Gail. Congratulations, Gail. It's why people hate Long Island and why they love Bravo. Yes, exactly. So then we go have some dinner with Andy and Liza to be friends with Susan now because she's apologized because she was out of lunch. She didn't mean to hurt her feelings. I mean, look, she wouldn't have had such sensitive feelings if she had had a job, but still, you know, I get it. So they have what Susan calls a North Shore dinner, which is that you start off with a few pleasant trees and then you get the gossip right away. Oh, a North Shore dinner is stopped with chitchat, then a few side dishes, then an appetizer, then I excuse myself and run to the bathroom. Then I ask the waitress for a menu, then I peruse it. Then I tell the waitress at the stains on the menu and she says, thank God, they're covered in plastic. And I say, get a paper towel, I'll do it. I'm a working girl. And then she says, does that mean a hook up? And we laugh and we laugh. And then I go back outside and then we order dessert. And then we talk. Oh, what is Long Island everything? Like, people think that they do think so differently in Long Island. Gail's like, look, in Long Island, we have to exercise. What the hell you think it's like everywhere else? - I know. And what do you think other like dinner conversations are around the world, around the country? Like, yeah, of course, people chitchat and then the gossip or they do whatever. So, I mean, what else was she expecting to talk about? Like, politics? No. So, I loved how first she starts talking about Corey. She's like, oh, so I went with Corey. She's getting IV bags for her spot. And I love that like, Liza goes, what? She's not a scientist. (laughing) Like, why is that like her first thought? Like, what, she thinks she is a scientist? - Oh, well, get out of here. She runs so fast, too. Where's she thinks she is, Olympian? What are you? Get out of here. - I'm running scientist. Oh, isn't that nice? And Susan's like, oh, well, you know, it's good that she runs a lot because we figured out how to infuse people with cheesecake. My right ladies. - Don't worry, Andy. We figured out how to infuse a fourth husband into you. (laughing) He'll still beat me from the inside. - And then Liza. I love the word fingling. (laughing) - Oh, God. - I missed that. I didn't hear her say that. Did she say that? 'Cause at the beginning, he's like, ladies in the obligatory waiter scene. He's like, hi, I'm your waiter. And they're like, great. You know, have a five minute scene. And he's like, oh, it's sides. Oh, mac and cheese, fingling potatoes. And she's like, I love the word fingling. (laughing) She's like, paralyzed with humor. Paralyzed, fingling, paralyzation. (laughing) And Susan's like, I'm so glad to finally make friends with these women is stopping so judgmental. Ladies, do my lips look good? And Liza's like, no, to be honest, no. You know, I hate your lips as much as I love fingerlings. Okay, your mouth is too huge. Your line is outside the lines. I mean, get with it, all right? How are you ever gonna make a pattern of traffic? - You have such a big mouth. I can't even imagine how many fingerlings you can fit in there. So many, oh my God. I'm paralyzed at the thought. - I love being slapped with fingerlings, fingerlings. (laughing) I once ate so many fingerlings that my dingalings, my fingerlings. (laughing) And I love that so like Susan basically is saying like, she's like, you know what? I don't like where this is going. So we're just gonna, we're just gonna play nice and we're just gonna gossip over dinner. So they gossip about Amy and they gossip, but gossip, gossip, gossip. And then afterwards Liza and Cora are like, oh my God, Susan, we like this Susan. This is the Susan that we like, okay? You have so much noise. And now you really opened up your heart to us. I'm like, oh, you cold bitches. The moment she starts gossiping is the moment that they feel like she's a warm soul. I'm just. (laughing) We made lip jokes at her and she's fine. (laughing) Susan has a heart. - On battle lines. - Susan has a heart. - By the way, I just wanna mention when you talked about the waiter scenes on Real House House of New York City, I laughed because they actually did a cut away to Ramona during the way to be like, you know what, I think we'll all have some waters, please. And like, it was the most unnecessary cut away, but like, you know me, I love when they cut away to Ramona saying something random that has nothing to do with anything. - And also Ramona, like being nice to a waiter was funny too because she couldn't even look him in the eye, but she's like, I have a restaurant now. And so now very nice to wait us. - I know what they, I know how they like to be talked to. And so when I talk to them when I ask for water, I ask very nicely. It's a new me, new me. - Listen, that waiter could be anybody. I'm not gonna look him in the eye. He's like J-Lo, look him in the eye and you'll get fired. (laughing) - All right, so. - Susan has a heart. She has a heart, paralyzed, jumps start my heart, like Natalie Cole. Remember that Natalie Cole song? Jump start a heart, jump start my body, I'm paralyzed. - Jump start it and then I'm break it. I'm break my heart 'cause I paralyzed. - I'm not gonna realize. - Come draw, come draw. All right, bridge, bridge, come draw, come draw. - I'm like that Madonna song, Frozen. - Ooh. - If I could break your heart. - Or whatever that song was. Break your heart, break your heart. Whatever, whatever Madonna song. By the way, underappreciated Madonna song, Frozen. - I don't even know what that is. Last time I saw Madonna, she was on that. Jimmy Fallon showed acting like a 15 year old and I just could not. - It was Madonna song from like 1998 where she's like dressed sort of like a witch and she's like, "Ooh, if I could break the heart." Whatever the lyric was. - Hmm, I don't know. - It's a good song. Download it right now, Ronnie, you'll enjoy it. - I won't do that 'cause you download some songs from the iTunes and then you try and use it somewhere else and they say, "No, it's blocked." You know, that's why I get shit for free off the internet, Ben. - It's paralyzed, it's paralyzed. - It's paralyzed. - Speaking of things that will stop us in our path. Chas of Sunset Reunion, part two. - Goodness, grace, Ben. Goodness. - Goodness, grace, Chas Reunion. So, where do we begin? Where do we begin with this mess? - Well, you know, I got 20 pages of notes even though I was eating my Subway sandwich while I was watching this and I was like, "I can't even eat this Subway. "I'm gonna have to save this for New York." - Paralyze. - Paralyze, so we're just gonna say-- - I know, no one has that accent on this show. What are we gonna do? - I know it's paralyzed. - Let's make this show better by having the Chas Reunion be filled with cast members from Real Housewives in Melbourne and Real Housewives in New York. - And secrets and wives. So like, Mike, when I found out that you were having sex with GG Sister, I was paralyzed. - How Persian, that's so Persian. Paralyzed. - So we open up with Reza as the South Park Cartman version of himself outside with the stupid hair and his crooked lip going, "I can't take it. "This is ridiculous." You know, when they tried to ruin someone's life and then they got mad at me, "I can't take it. "I'm not here now, okay?" - Let's just end it. Let's just end it. - Let's just end it. - Reza's so mad about it. Reza's the one being a total asshole and then he has to leave. I mean, at least Petafloor got yelled at and called a drunk before she left. (laughing) - No. - They're liars, they're liars. They're liars, I do not drink. I'll be over here by the bar. - I am switching the bitch. I switched the bitch from a drinker to a non drinker. Don't they realize that? Liars, liars. - Liars. - They don't understand what it's like being poor and biracial in India. - I am freaking out at this Shah's reunion. - And then some producer comes outside and is like, "Reza." I mean, this guy looked like Richard Attenborough. - Yeah. - He was like, "Reza." I was like, "What is this guy?" - What is the guy in a sweater vest and glasses working on that show? - Well, because he does have experience. - He does have experience working with dangerous amphibians, that's why. So I think that, you know, by the way, like three quarters of this reunion episode took place not at the reunion. It was all like shot basically outside and from Tiago. - My coffee shop. - And trailer is why everybody was a change smoking on Hollywood. - It was like scenes of producers taking away my cell phone, it was like other people like getting their lunch. (laughing) - It was very funny. - I actually really enjoyed it. I was like, "What am I?" - Yeah, me too. - It was like the reunion deconstructed. - The guy's like, "Reza, what's wrong?" And Reza's like, "I can't believe this. This is ridiculous. I can't do this anymore. Just bring the pitch out here, bring her out. I'm not afraid, bring up Gigi, bring her." - Okay, Harry Springer, calm down over there. - I know. He was really like, you know. - Are you gonna beat up a woman on TV? Shut up, she didn't even do anything to you. - Yeah, he was being ridiculous. And then he was like, "How long does Mike have to sit on the hot seat? That's so Persian." - Oh, and then they're so stupid. They're talking to each other on set. Okay, I know that they said the cameras were off, but this crew knows better than to think that the cameras are off and that their mics are turned off. And they talk to each other in Farsi or whatever, and we have Google Translate, all right? All you have to do is put that shit up to a phone and it'll translate it. And I don't think they understood that because they keep talking to each other. But you can understand everything they're saying. And Reza's like, every time the cameras go off, suddenly Reza's nice to Mike again. He's like, "Mike, why are you so mad?" It's like, you just tried to break up his marriage. And then Mike's like, "Listen, man, it's not cool. You know certain things because you're friends with me." And then Reza says, "Well, yeah, but I wasn't gonna use them against you, but you made me, you're making me do it." - I mean, what a fucking awful human being. He's basically sitting there blackmailing Mike at the same time. - I know. - I can't. - I know, it's Reza. He's just, he's awful. - Reza was never like super nice, but at least he used to be light and funny. I mean, he's-- - He is, he still is. - Horrible. - He's not light nor funny. - No, no, no, he is. - He's awful fucking kidding. - That guy's terrible. - Reza is like a paradox. He can be both like very funny and very smart and see things for what they are, but then he can be totally self-serving and duplicitous and manipulative. And it's like, he's, I think a scary person. So when he is being manipulative, he's just like to me like, "Ugh, Reza, shut up." But then when he's being like smart and funny, it's like, "I love Reza." - No, fuck that guy. I can't even laugh with him anymore. He's such an asshole. Like he talks about, "Oh, me and him to your sisters." Really? Because last year or the year before last year, we were dumping her for no reason. Or was that last year? That was last year, right? - Two, no. Last two years ago-- - And they just all turned on MJ for no reason. And then he turned on Lily for no reason. And now he's gonna turn on this guy for no reason. - Yeah, he's horrible. - Yeah, by the way, people listening, if you're hearing like a little crackly noises, we don't know what it is. We can't figure it out, so we apologize. - Well, why don't I restart my Skype? - You can restart it. I don't think it's gonna do any good, but we can try. - No, I'm just trying to get our auto quality better, Ben. I don't like what it was. - Sorry, this parallel is-- - Scott! - We're like, please don't it be a super sponsor to our shitty production values? - I know, here, let me restart Skype real quick. 'Cause maybe it's my Skype you never know. - Maybe, maybe. - Hi! - Hi, we're back. So hopefully we just purge all the crackly noises, and if not, then we're sorry, everyone. - Sorry, but at least you can hear us both. - And let's be honest, I think everyone would prefer to hear crackly noises, then to have to relive the travesty of the reunion last night. - We go out here, bring Gigi, I'm not afraid, we go there. - You've put Skype on the hot seat for long enough, let's just end it, let's end it, end it. - So, okay, so what happened next? I didn't take notes, but I can talk about things. - My intention was to hang you by the balls, I would have hung you by the balls, and Gigi's really excited, I mean, Gigi was really bad. First of all, Gigi got drunk, of course, and then she's getting so excited every time they say the wife's name. She's just like ready to rip this bitch a new one, they're not even trying to hide it. And then they start talking about Aussa Tha or something. - Well, I think actually first. - Oh no, no, no, they were still talking about Jessica because Reza said, she's coming in the way of her friendship, and that's not cool, you know, every time I complain to Adam about you guys and talk shit about you guys, Adam tells me no matter what, work it out. - I'm like, yeah, and that's not a good quality in Adam because that's why he's still with your fucking ass, okay, because he just forgets everything, fucking a stripper on national TV, breaking up with them on national TV, and then taking the honeymoon trip with your friends. - Fuck you, of course Adam takes it. - I think that there's gotta be a happy medium between Jessica's way of dealing with it and Adam's way, 'cause Adam's way is too passive. Because if you're in a situation, let's say your boyfriend has a bunch of friends, we're just kind of assholes and don't treat him right, you know, you would sort of say to him like, "Hey, like these friends are not like, "they don't have your best interests "and you should like, you should be around them." But then at the same time, you also want to respect that this is sort of the way they all operate and you don't wanna be someone that says, stop being friends with your friends. So there has to be somewhere in the middle. I think both Adam and Jessica are probably not handling it the best that they could. I don't know the right way, but I don't think that's the way to do it. - Well, I think Jessica was just trying to get a shot as a regular cast member. And instead, she kind of got herself off the show. - Right, and I think that Mike also has to own up to the fact that like, it sounds like he has drifted from these people, but then again, he also is, he was sort of pushed away, 'cause by the end of last season, I mean, he was also kind of moving to pariah status last season, so he should just own up to it and be like, listen, yeah, I did drift away, because you know what, you guys are being assholes to me and why should I-- - He did it. - Why should I have to like, like be around you guys if you guys are being like assholes? - But in that he let-- - Well, he didn't say you're assholes, but he could say I have drifted. - Yeah, but he let Reza sort of control the story, 'cause Reza was like, Mike, you don't come by, you don't make an effort, like, you don't do this, you don't do that, Mike, you haven't tried at all. And Mike's response should not have been like, I will try harder, I know, it should be like, well, why do you think I drifted away? It wasn't 'cause of Jessica, it's because you guys were like mean to me, you know? - Yeah, yeah, you were telling the world how lazy I was and I didn't do anything and I'm an idiot, blah, blah, blah, blah. - You're dragging me to the mud? - Reza's like, what? What's the so what, who cares? I mean, we're like brothers. Don't you remember what came to do Abel? I mean, so what, Abel forgave him? - I mean, these people are all just totally dysfunctional. I mean, I'm gonna just skip forward for a moment, like to the very, very end, when GG approaches, Mike's like, hey, Mike, you wanna go get a drink with us? It's like, what is this? Like, these people are so messed up. So anyway, so then Andy's like, all right, all right, let's take Mike out, let's like, folks, let's like, like give Mike a break here for a second. And then, did he move up to Asifah next or was he talking to Jake? - No, I moved on to, I love that it's like this horrible, awful, vile shit being spewed, left and right, and then Adam's like, I mean, Andy's like, okay, now let's talk about MJ's love life. - Yeah. - I think so. - Yeah, thanks for the fun clip. And then MJ's like, no, you know, he turned out to be a bad guy, you know? He was cheating and he was lying and he, you know, the worst was that he lied about the status of his business. GG, I mean, MJ, he said he was like a mobile dog groomer. What else do you need to know? - I know, I know, yeah, apparently he cheated on MJ a lot. It's too bad, I was rooting for them. We were all rooting for you. - I just love that MJ's trophy fake boyfriend for the show is like 10 years younger, it's like this younger man, and he's still basically normed from cheers. - Yeah, yeah. So then, I think then we went on to Asifah, right? - Oh, when Andy, I think Andy is starting to hate these people too. - Yeah. - Because Andy, when he was talking to MJ, obviously didn't even believe it. Like, uh oh. - You know, those trucks just came by my place. - Did you hear? - Yeah. - I mean, these sliders are on fire. She burned herself, she burned herself reheating her sliders in the oven. - And he was trying not to laugh when he was reading the comment cards when he was like, he literally said it like this. He's like, MJ went through the process of being fertile. - Like, yeah, I don't believe it either. - Yeah. - So, and then Reza said that he would give MJ his sperm a magic, right? When you think it can't get any worse, a hybrid. - Yeah, it's like the dinosaur from Jurassic World. Like, you genetically modified, like you used jeans from both a raptor and a cuttlefish to make this dinosaur. It's like, oh my God, you use Reza and MJ's jeans together. - This baby is gonna be born with fake tits and real tits and two mustaches. (laughing) And a love for Chevron. - And an awful mother. - So, they actually, I've liked her this year for the most part. She is kind of a seaward. So anyway, then it was Gigi's stupid relationship, her stupid fake boyfriend. And she was like, yeah, we're still seeing each other. I mean, we're doing each other 'cause I'm serious about somebody now. - Yeah, oh yeah, that was, she's like, no, we're just basically like fuck buddies because I found something else that I can really see a future with. And I like, I think it was, that he was Reza. He was like, well, maybe you should stop being a fuck buddy. We're talking about it. There's someone that you see a future with. Listen, if you see a future with that guy, it doesn't mean that you can't still have sex with the other one. It's just that you have to do it on a really important day like your bachelor party or your wedding like Mike, he's classy. Just don't tell, just don't tell him about it. Let him find out on a Bravo promo. - I'm looking, I'm looking over at the Facebook comments right now and they're so funny. But one has a really good point. What the hell is up with us coming back to this second episode and nobody bringing up the fact that Mike was just accused of fucking Gigi's sister after his engagement? - Yeah, that was weird. That was weird that there was no follow up on that. It just sort of like sat there. - You have a delivery from Gigi's extensions. It's a cease and desist. It's a cease, desist and don't watch this or it will possibly shrink. - Yeah, and pat this on your head. So instead we went to, then I think eventually we went to Asifah and Bobby, you know, the question of Asifah. And she was like, you know, I really had no idea how much it was really affecting you guys. And I'm sincerely, I sincerely apologize for that because I always thought all this time the only people we were bothering were the other people at mixology. But it turns out we're bothering you guys too. - Guys, we didn't mean to bother you. I mean, it's really hard because my dad almost died a year ago. - What? - Like, I love that people are using almost diseases. We have almost cancer. We have so many, almost diseases. And now you can't even get almost cancer by yourself. You have to give it to your father. I mean, come on. - And that shows really weak, weak personality. - And then Bobby comes out and they're like, well, so why you guys tell together? He's like, that's what I keep asking her. That's what I'm asking her all the time. I'm like, why? Why? But then I'm like, don't act like you are one of us spectating on your relationship. We're asking you to, like, if you are asking it, then why are you with her? Like, he acts like he's powerless. Like, yeah, but she won't leave. She won't leave the house. She won this. She's like, I just want to give it a try. I just want to make it work. And it's like, you've been together for seven years. - I can't work it. - It's not working. They're so stupid and Andy's like, you still love her and he's like, no, no, I don't. I don't. He's like, do you think you belong together? No, no, I don't, but she won't leave. I mean, what am I supposed to do? She won't leave. I mean, I can't break up with her if she doesn't break up with me. Of course you can. Do you have no other trainers in your neighborhood to fuck? And then of course she brings that up again. I just can't with these two. And then her fake tears and they're like, bring some napkins from the caterer. And it's like a stack of Roar Rose chicken napkins. They're like, here, wipe off your tears with this rolled up grape leaf. - Yeah, get out of here. - Exactly. I mean, I liked what Mike told her in the trailer a little bit later when he was like, he's like, listen, like you have to move on. Like you want to have a baby, right? She's like, yes. He's like, all right, you're 32. So it's going to take a year to meet someone to date someone to see if you want to marry. And then it takes another year. And then it takes this, then it takes this and it takes this. Move on. - Yeah, Mike's like, you're old. I mean, how old are you? I mean, you're like in your thirties. You know what that is in LA years? If you really want a man, you better do it now because soon it's over. It's done. I mean, the men on this fucking show are disgusting. It's not like, find someone you really love. That's not even, but he never even said that. It was just like, oh, you're getting old. And if you want to have a baby, you better hurry because you have to at least date somebody for a year first. - Normally, I would agree that it was, there was a lot of chauvinism like woven through those statements. But the truth was, he was being the truth to her because he knows that's what she's about. She's about looking hot, finding a husband, getting married and all that shit. That's what she's about, okay? And he basically was like, well, if you want to be like that, then you better move on from Bobby 'cause otherwise you're gonna be-- - No, I don't think he's looking at it through her worldview. I think he's looking at it through all of their worldview. And it's pathetic. Like, come on. - I don't-- - Is this still how we're living? - But listen, if you, if you, I agree, I always feel like, listen, find love first and then hopefully if you want to have a child that will, that will fold in. But like, don't put the horse in front of the carriage. But, but I think though that, I think he was speaking her language there and hopefully it got through to her-- - Well, it certainly was because he even said you're trying to make a dog into a cat. What, what is with this show? What, how stupid are the people on this show? What does that even mean? - Yeah, I don't know. But maybe he was referring to a recent episode of Catdog on Nickelodeon, he may have seen. - And Andy, not even pretending to be professional at this reunion. - At least normally he's trying. Like, it's usually cute because he's trying too hard and still messes up. But this time he doesn't even care. He's leaning all the way back in his chair with his legs straight out in front of him crossed and is like, like, like he's on the beach. Like for the last, the last half of this, he's like, man, he's barely reading the cards. And then when Bobby and Asif are fighting, he's like, I think you two should break up today, right now. - Yeah. - Like, who are you? - That's hilarious. - For those most of us so be quiet. - Exactly. - And I like how he thinks that if they break up on the reunion, like that's gonna stick. 'Cause it obviously won't. They're gonna come back to each other. You know, even though they can't list more than two things that they like about each other, they're still gonna get back together over and over and over again. - Yeah. And just as more as further proof that these are terrible friends to each other, MJ and Gigi are standing outside the trailer and Gigi's like, oh my God, you look amazing. Love your dress. - Oh my God. - Yeah, I mean, MJ looks like she got caught up in some sort of aerial-less ribbon that fell from the ceiling. - Yeah, she looks like somebody through one of those plastic things that hold diet cokes together into the ocean and like a whole team of dolphins got caught in them. - MJ looks like there was a giant rhythmic gymnastics accident and she wound up wearing it all. Whatever that means. I think that's the first time anybody's ever put gymnastics in the same sentence as MJ. - Or rhythmic for that matter. - So, Asif and Bobby are just absolutely terrible. Asif is still holding out this hope. I don't know what it is that like, I don't know what she's thinking. - She's just an idiot, narcissist, fool. And any guy she's with, she will treat like that. Trust me. - So why can't he be a man? - She even said the same thing and you're like, why can't he be a man? Why can't he be a man in second? Like a bitch in this? Why can't he be a man? Like, oh, I hate when she does that. - You know, why can't he, why can't he be a man? And it just let his mom eat out of a fucking to-go box. I mean, I don't care that. Prince Charming did not expect Cinderella to do dishes. Okay, I can tell you that much. - Be a man. - Grow your own beer. Don't draw it on with a sharpie. - And then Reza, Reza during this fight, when Asif brings up the trainer, Reza goes, so what, so he bangs some ugly chick. It doesn't count if they're ugly or if they're on a party bus. I mean, come on, there's rules. That's so Persian. - So anyway, I know the girl who came out, Jen. She's two data friend of mine. And I used to think, oh my God, this girl looks like she'll rip me a new asshole, but she's actually really nice. But she has that look about her. And now that I'm watching that TV show Unreal and see what these fucking producers actually do, like push people in front of buses and stuff. And then stand back and smile. Like, I support you, honey. Now I know you, Jen. I understand you, Jen. - And I love you even more. - But when Jen, the production, the producer comes out and she's, and also I have to note that we've seen Jen now, I think like five times on Bravo reunion shows. She's always like, she's the one they all, they're like, all right, we need a producer. Get Jen out there, get Jen. - She's like, here's how we feel as a team of producers. But she's like, listen, Andy, Mike won't let Jessica come out of the trailer. So we're gonna have to take care of that. And Andy's like, great, we'll do a standing interview in fluorescent lights and respect her wishes. - Yeah, that was amazing when Andy is like, Andy goes into the trailer and then basically conducts this interview with Jessica. And she's like, Andy, I just don't feel comfortable going out there. And then he's like, well, it was my understanding that Mike didn't want you to go out there. She's like, yeah, bands like Mike. And then she's like, I have so many things to say. And well, the best part, by the way, about this whole thing was how Jessica is just a parent. She doesn't really have original thoughts. Her only original thought is, I'm a wife, 'cause everything else, she just repeats what Mike says. And then Andy puts something into her head and then she starts repeating it because she starts going on and on about like, I just feel like I've been portrayed so badly. She's like, he's the guy who I just fell in love with. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then Andy, trying to convince her to come out, goes, you know, he's like, wow, it sounds like you really have a lot of things to say. She's like, I know, I don't know. So then Jessica winds up talking with Mike and he's like, no, Jessica, you're not going out there. And she's like, I know, I just, I think I have a lot of things to say. I'm like, you literally, Andy put that phrase into you and you just spat it out again. - Yeah, he knows how to manipulate totally. He's like, yeah, you just stay back here all you want to if you don't come on the show, we're going to rent out this trailer or charge you for it. And if you want to talk because you seem like someone with a lot to say. - Yeah. - Then I'll be over here waiting. - And he's like, listen, I just want to put it out there that people who appear on the reunion get a free refill at Tiago next door. So I'll be over here. - She's like, Mike, we will be right back after this message. Mike, it is summer by Bravo, okay? - Mike, I'm giving you an option. We can play who's thick as bigger or who's boozer better. Okay, spin a wheel, Mike, spin a wheel. - Mike, I'd like to introduce you to our guest bartenders of today. - And then Mike goes to talk to her and she's like, I need to talk, I'm so misunderstood. And Mike's like, yeah, that's the point. Listen, America hates you and now they won't be mad at me when I cheat on you publicly. - Yeah, exactly. - It's kind of starting to seem, it's amazing how this all turned around at this part because through the season, it looks like Mike's just so passive and docile and Jessica's his bitch on wheels that he's just trying to control. And now we see that it's not that at all. It's Mike filling her with all of this poison. And then when she explodes, he's like, oh, you're embarrassing me, so you have to stay off of TV. And then he tells her to shut the fuck up and far see, what the hell? - Yeah, I know, that was bad. I mean, I do think, I think that Jessica's just like an immature woman, you know, and that's why she lashes out and has these things, but absolutely you're right. Like, Mike does feed her immaturity and then he's controlling to her. I mean, he's a pig, like, no doubt about it. - Well, when Andy announced to the cast that Jessica wasn't gonna come out, first of all, they had just announced that Jessica was gonna come out and Gigi smiled and she's drinking another glass of champagne with this relish on her face, you know? And then, unlike MJ, who literally has relish on her face. And then, they were in the house, in the house. (laughing) - Jessica's not gonna be coming out. And Gigi and Reza get the ureus. - Reza starts his fake crying thing again. - Well, but for whatever, and then Gigi's like, we just wanna have a conversation, we just wanna have a conversation. Like, that's all, bring the bitch out. We weren't gonna try to bust her, we weren't gonna try to execute her, just having a conversation, just trying to air out some things that we had on our minds. - Yeah, right Gigi. - How dare you not let her come out? Do you know that she didn't try and rape me? How dare she? (laughing) - The non-rape issue, she'll just use it against everybody. So yeah, they start fighting about why she's not coming, and then it becomes an Instagram fight because Andy calls them out on, you know, Reza's like. - What did I do? I'm totally nice there. And he's like, actually, I have Instagram, you know, I'm on that and I follow you guys. - But Reza's? - And he's like, yeah, but I did that because I would do a wedding, and then she sent me a thing because I wrote a blog, and he said that, you know, she was meaning me because she watched her ass with my check, and then I was like, how can you wipe your ass with the check that you crashed? - I actually thought, believe it or not, I was actually more on Reza's side in this thing because, like, I mean, I'm sure he wrote something bad on his blog, for sure. But Jessica really was, like, pretty nasty on social media. If you had to, in that specific environment, if we're gonna say, like, who is nastier, definitely Jessica. And the truth is also that, like, Jessica should have a beef with Gigi, for sure. I mean, she should think that Reza's manipulative and an asshole, but, like, she shouldn't really have a beef with him, if that makes sense. Like, he never really came for her, necessarily. You know? - Well, maybe not, but she did. - But she didn't look like, to me in this reunion, is that Gigi and the sister aren't talking, I don't think. I think that the sister was the one who, she told Reza, or no. Mike told Reza that he fucked the sister after the engagement party, and then Reza told Gigi, and Gigi's sitting there waiting to use it against her, and she can't. It's like, Gigi, your own sister won't even fucking talk to you, right? - I know. - Like, whoa. - Well, I think that, I mean, I don't think that Reza had, are you okay over there? Yeah, I'm here, and something happened. Do you have an earthquake? I think Ronnie fell over. We'll just wait for him to get himself situated. - Did you slide over? - Sorry, yeah, I did fall over. I was, I... - Did you slide on a puddle of relish, M.J.'s relish? - Were you paralyzed? - Yeah, they're so upset that they can't get her out there to just rip her to shreds, and I'm glad that they couldn't. And then Andy's such a liar, he's like, well, she was just coming out here to apologize. All she wanted to do was say... - She was sorry. - I know, stupid Andy. They were so mad. So then, like, if I remember correctly, everything sort of like came to a close, it's sort of like, I think that she basically, and she's like, all right, well, let's pour a drink, let's have a toast, and they give a toast. And then this is what they always do, they're like, well, no matter what, we're still a family, and Mike, the door is always open for you to come back. And then Mike's like, I'm not gonna toast to that. - But you don't knock. You don't knock on my door. Why aren't you knocking on my door? The other day he's talking about the door, and it was a Jehovah's Witness, and I was like, wow, these people may be crazy, but they're better than Mike. Mike, I literally put in parquet flooring so that you could come knock on my door and come dance on my floor. - Sorry, but they're actually made out of parquet because that's MJ's favorite snack. We've been waiting for you. Life is just hers and hers and hers. It's this company without you, Mike. - Mike, be a golden girl, not a golden palace, all right? I wouldn't like the second one. - Mike, stop dressing like Mr. Furley and just get over here. - So then Reza stands up and he's like, "Bye, bitches, that was horrible, that was awful." - Like, what was awful for you? No one confronted you on shit, okay? All you did was ruin everybody else's life and then leave. What is so difficult for you, fake cry, Cartman? Shut up, get out of here. - I know, I don't have to see you stupid ass. And then he approaches Mike after, he approaches Mike after and he's like, "Oh, Mike, that was fun, good times, okay, "with others, give me a call and tell Jessica "to call me, too, because we have to go out together." - Yeah, suddenly, Reza gets all bro. He's like, "Listen, hey, bro, here's the thing, okay? "Home girl, I don't know what's gonna happen with you "and like, home girl, okay? "I don't know, but for you and me, all that I want "is that you can be pissed at everyone, "but I want you to go home to Jessica and say, "You know what, they're all assholes, "but there's a shred of hope for us, okay? "Let's keep the door open and then come knock on it. "We'll be waiting for you." - Also, I'd appreciate it. I mean, say it in a nice way because we're brothers and everything, but I'd appreciate it if you told Jessica that I expect a thank you note for cleaning her ass with my Wells Fargo check. - You know, that was a big step for me. - Yeah. - Come on, Mike. - Yeah, bro. (laughs) - Yeah. - Come on, Mike, we're bros now, come on. Like, I know I just, I know I just supported Gigi when she said that you fucked her sister, but like, there's a shred of hope for our friendship, I think. Come on, bro. - Yeah. And then he's like, "Well, I wouldn't have used that, "but you made me, I mean, you made me do it." - Cool. - Yeah, come on. Come on, knock on my door, come on, Mike. You'll see that life is a ball again, laughter is calling for you, down at our rendezvous. Through his company too, Mike. Like, Mike, I just wanted to say thank you for being a friend, for traveling down that road and back again. Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant, even though you're lazy and don't do anything and your wife is a stupid slut that I hate, okay? Mike, there's no place like home when your family's around, so you had got no one. Sorry, Mike, I just, I can't remember the rest of it, but it's true. Mike, don't you want to go everybody, note your name? (laughing) Mike. He's like, "Mike, bro!" - It's just beginning to go for a second. - I know, I was gonna be like, "Mike, doo doo doo doo doo!" You know, the taxi theme song, "Mike, take a taxi." That's what I'm trying to say, "Take a taxi to us." Mike, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. You've been found guilty of being a bad friend at Night Court. (laughing) - This shows over now, right? - Well, no, one last thing, because after all this craziness, then we cut to MJ being like, "Okay, guys, I have reservations at Koy for eight." Like, "All right, well, is Mike coming?" I don't know, I'll ask if Mike is coming, and do you just like, "Mike, are you gonna come and get drinks with us?" Come on, let's just square this away, let's just end it, and he's like, "I don't know." And it goes, "To be continued." And then that's it, there's no preview for next week. I don't even know, is there another episode? - No, no, it says, "To be continued next season." - Oh, I didn't see the next season. - Yeah, they popped up a next season underneath. - Oh, I thought that was "To be continued next week." I was like, "Is this like a fake cliffhanger?" 'Cause there was no indication that there was anything after this. - Mm-hmm, these people are awful. I cannot wait to see how they ruin each other's lives between now and next year, because you know, next year, it's like one of them chopped off the other's leg, and one of them fucked the other, they're horrible. They're all awful. And listen, we get to complain about a lot of terrible people on Bravo. These are hateful fucking people, they're the worst. - Well, I feel bad for Asa, because she's next, and the roulette wheel, everyone else has been ostracized, now it's time for Asa. - Yeah, Asa's turn, and at least the cast of fucking Vanderpump Rules is horrible, but at least they'll bring you some water. - That's true, although Asa was kind of, season one, Asa was the one they were making fun of. They're like, "Look at her, she dresses from H&M. "She's like poor, she dresses so weird, "they're so weird, everyone hated Asa season one." And then season two, everyone hated MJ. Season three, everyone ostracized Lily, and then to some degree, Mike. Oh, and Gigi was also ostracized with MJ. And then this year was Mike. So, looks like it's time for Asa again. Yeah, or Lily, I'm not Lilya. - Or Asa, who does so much for the world that she's on a terrorist watch list. Ditch, please. You know, I was on that watch list too, 'cause I took a lighter on the plane. Okay, I had to be pulled over for two years going through checkout because I had a lighter. Get out of here, no one cares about your stupid veil in front of the fresh and easy. Who are you kidding? Like they've never seen veils in front of the fresh and easy, or women's stripping. Get out. - Okay, well, on that note, thank you everyone for listening. You can follow us on Facebook, Facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins. Oh, if you listen to this podcast soon enough, and if you actually finish it soon enough, we are doing a hangout for Patreon subscribers, or some of the Patreon subscribers. So hopefully you'll be able to get to that in time. That is happening today, Thursday, June 18th, 6 p.m. Pacific. So I hope everyone's able to join for that. And of course on Patreon, you can donate to us there. We have links on Facebook, et cetera, et cetera. We have those new tiers, the premium tiers to support us. You really wanna be flossy, as they say in the shots. And I think that's about it. So thanks everyone for listening. We will be back next week with just more and more bravo. It just, it doesn't end, and thank God. - It never ends. - It never ends, and we'll have a bonus episode next week about something, probably Big Brother, who knows. So, looking forward to it all. - Bye everybody. - Bye. - If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here, and it's funny, and I love you. 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