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Get free shipping on qualified orders. See site for more details. Hello everybody. Welcome to the Watch What Crap and Podcasts. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. And as usual, I'm here with Ben Mandelka, the gorgeous, talented, wonderful, handsome, lovely-breathed Ben Mandelkor. From the B-side blog and the banter blender. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. That's so, so kind of you. What a kind introduction. How lovely. What a lovely gentleman you are. What an awful person. You guys can first of all, thanks so much for listening to this. And if you're supporting us on Patreon, you will be hearing our bonus episode today, which was all about gay pride parade in LA and the Big Brother cast. And Jurassic World. And Jurassic World. It was big. We talked about gay pride for a good amount. We talked about Jurassic World for a big amount. And we talked about, we did a preview of the entire cast of Big Brother 17, which was announced today. So if you are a Big Brother fan, we recommend you listen to this episode, because we went through every single person and basically tore them apart. Yeah, I mean, it's a huge week, you guys. I mean, gay people are celebrating and straight people are horrified. Yeah, and they're dying by the cast of Big Brother. And dinosaurs are eating everyone else. And Vicki's on a rampage. But anyway, if you want those, go to Patreon. Vicki, she tore the tracking device out of her shoulder. She's loose. We don't know where she is. For those of you who want that, just go to patreon.com/watchwalkcropon. So that's patreon.com/watchwalkcropon. We're on Facebook at facebook.com/watchwalkcropons. That is where we gather pretty much daily at this point to talk shit with other listeners. We have live show threads there and all that good stuff. So come over there. And if you want to follow us on social media and all that good stuff personally, you know, band personally, rolling personally, just go to watchatcrapons.com. And you can find all our links. Including Periscope, which is really entertaining. Ronnie was drunk on Periscope at gay pride. So if that for some reason is still up, you should watch it. Sorry I'm talking to my neighbor, Brian. He was toying with a bugler outside of my screen door. While you talk to Brian, should we talk about it? No, no, no, I'm done. So sorry about that. It's summer, so that door is open. And so neighbors feel like it's Texas. You know, the door is open. So come on in. Yeah, but you're basically it's. Well, it's too bad. There wasn't a postman who delivered a nice box from BoxyCharm. BoxyCharm is a beauty subscription box that sends you full-size products ranging from cosmetics, skin care and hair care, and more for only $21 per month, plus free shipping with no long-term commitment. And you can cancel at any time. Other companies send sample sizes about BoxyCharm. Send you full-size products from popular brands such as Tarte Cosmetics, NCLA, Oscar Blondie, and Cargo Cosmetics. BoxyCharm provides a total value of $95. Or more, each month. BoxyCharm also offers exclusive member-only offers, and giveaways from the best brands. Subscribers can receive loyalty points to redeem extra goodies for their box. And they're perfect for treating yourself wife, girlfriend, mom, and friends. And if you're still not sold, guess what? Just search BoxyCharm on YouTube to access thousands of unboxing videos. Yeah, BoxyCharm. BoxyCharm. I love getting a mystery box. I do, I do, I love a BoxyCharm box. If I were someone who wore makeup, I would charm myself with their boxes. Oh, BoxyCharm. So, yeah, order yourself or your mom or your dad. Hell, get your dad a BoxyCharm subscription. I mean, with the way the world's going today, he probably wants it. Yeah, maybe your dad is changing his gender identity. Send him a BoxyCharm. Yeah, exactly, and have fun. So, I don't know, I didn't know where I was going with that. I was like, yeah, and... I don't know, but I know it's time to do the podcast because I just opened my Twitter app. And the first tweet is by Jill Zarin. And it says, "Check out my blog with lots of travel tips and info." Really, you have a travel blog now, Jill? Yeah, I got it. One-way ticket, the Shut Up Mountain. Jill Zarin, shut up. Okay, I don't want to know where you travel. I don't know where you're going, and I don't know where you've been. You're right, don't go again. Me and Bobby are on a train. Someone didn't say hi to me. I'm gonna ruin their lives. Hey, train conductor. Good seeing you today on the train. He's like, I was just from the train, I didn't see you. Good, good, I'm so glad we're friends now. At the train conductor. Love you, happy birthday. At Julia Roberts. Missed you at lunch today. Get out of here. At George Clooney. So I didn't see you on the MTA today, maybe next week. Okay, so let's get on with it. We've got a lot of shows today. We've got four shows to cover today. We've got blood, sweat, and heels. We've got married to medicine. We've got mother funders. We've got, what's the other one? Oh, and real high swipes of the OC. Let's start with OC, right? Of course, it's the best of... Those other shows were boring. I don't know if it's because I took a sleeping pill, but that time went off the end. Couldn't have ruined Bravo for me, right? It's not like it was the first time. Well, blood, sweat, and heels I thought was entertaining, but we'll get to that in a bit, because Real Housewives of Orange County is hilarious and so good. I love it, I love it, I love it. Yeah, I do too. Love it. Especially because it opened up with an nostalgic flashback to Bogate. Remember Bogate? Oh, good. This show was all about nostalgia today. All right, let me get my notes. They're typed, so watch out, it's going to be a 20-hour podcast. Yeah. So let me see, where do we start off here? My mouse is sticking. No, Heather. We started with Heather going to the cake store, yeah. It's called It's All About the Cake, which I'm sure Heather was like, "Oh, is that a nickname for me?" Because it's Heather, it's all about that. It's all about the cake, the other title of Demetria's wedding. They missed a perfect crossover opportunity. I know. So Heather wants to get a cake because she's decided to start launching a sparkling wine called Collette, which I'm like, the last thing I want to do is drink a wine. That's named after your raucous, out-of-control, vicious baby. No kidding. It's bitter, the wine tastes bitter, it's hard to go down, and then it's shit, you'll shit yourself when you're done. Yeah, it's delicious. And it makes you have feelings of propriety over chairs. [laughing] Still, by the way, enjoy going to that tasting room. Enjoy going to that tasting room. Oh, did I have a drink? Okay, I'm sorry, that's my stool. I'm sorry. You're gonna have to move over. Collette, own your chair. Yeah. Everyone is in a perpetual state of just shuffling down the bar, because everyone's in the wrong seat. Mom's gonna have to move over. So then Heather starts her. I'm just one of the people, bullshit, while she's like, "Look, mom's get cakes. Look, all kinds of mom's get cakes. Look, this one's shaped like a Bentley. It's for when Collette was born." And it's like, "This is not helping Heather." Yeah. She's, I mean, she's literally getting a designer cake, putting it on a private plane and flying it up to Napa. I mean, bitch, have a short of Entomens for crying out loud. No kidding. And when she told the lady, she's like, the lady said, "Where should I deliver?" And she's like, "Uh, the private plane. Is that okay? I thought she was kidding. I actually laughed." And the lady was like, "Uh, yeah, that sounds great." I've never prayed. I've never prayed harder for turbulence in my life. She'll get furious. She's like, "Who ate the entire top tier off this cake?" They put their face through, they smash it. No, it just fell against the ceiling when we were doing the dilutes. "I want to get a cake shaped like the nanny. Someone Collette cuts it. Can't sue us." Yeah. That Napa has some of like the, and the Bay Area has some world's finest restaurants and bakeries and chefs, etc. I mean, Elizabeth Faulkner has a restaurant up in San Francisco, and she was a top chef master and she's a pastry chef. And like, you don't need to ship a cake from Dana Point in an airplane to freaking Napa Valley. I mean, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Well, that's Heather for you. And at least we didn't have to watch her like walking around that goddamn mall house anymore. That was nice. Jesus. Let's talk about the clairs you're adding into your house. You're dying. All right. So then we skip over to the couple's retreat, which is still going on. I start to laugh immediately that they were still in the hotel. Everyone else on this show has like moved, has advanced like a week or two in their lives, but Shannon and David are still like in this dingy hotel room. Hey, Brad. Yeah. Brad, it's a week later. Yeah. Shannon's wearing some kind of like t-shirt poncho thing. Yeah. And then the ladies like listen, everybody. Today, we've come so far and we're not going to validate your feelings today. All right. Today, we're going to get eulogies to each other like you're dead. David, David, I'm not feeling validated. I want you to validate my feelings. David, why won't they let me validate your my feelings? David, David, you're validating parking, right? David, David, David, David, David. Why did you get your parking stuff validated without me? David, I don't trust you. I want you to pretend your spouses are dead. And David's like, whoa, bring up the tequila and the hookers. This was some straight up starting over shit. Having them lie down in a fake tombstone and having their eulogies, eulogies that they wrote for themselves being read to them. That was full-on Jan Le Van Zand circa 2006. That was amazing. And I love when the lady was like, you're going to write eulogies. Now listen, no one's going to validate your feelings. And then they show Shannon looking terrified that they're not going to validate her feelings. And then they were like, we talked about some serious stuff, like David having an affair. And it's like, dah, dah, dah. And then Shannon's anger and volatility. And she's like, ah, just like, David, what did you say about my anger? And I'll tell you David, David, David. David, what did you put on that poster board? David, David, David, I feel like you were just luring the chandelier of my love into the foyer. David looked like he was going to start laughing. But then he whipped out some tears. And he said, he was like, you know, to my dear wife, Shannon. Shannon, listen, this is a devastating day for me. If there's no one to be mad about my affairs, they're not as fun and rebellious. Did I mention how amazing my last affair was? Anybody? It was amazing. Best time in my life. She's like, David, I'm dying, David. Dad, David. He's like, Shannon gave me the gift of forgiveness. And I don't know, like, some mashed potatoes once. She kind of messed those up with the dinner party. And she kind of mouthed off to me at once at a dinner party. So, I don't know, she can rot in hell. David, David, this is not the funeral I want to, David, David. You're like, here's her headstone. He's like, ah, head, where? I want to give it to me. David, why am I lying here? Is this because I wouldn't buy the tombstone pizza? Is this what you're trying to say? David, you don't need the calories, David. David, I'm trying to be a better wife. I'm trying to be a better wife. I'm trying to get you the frozen pizza that you want, but I need my frozen pizza in the shape of love. David. It's not delivery, David. It's to sure not. David, my love cannot be delivered, okay? It has to be made fresh and put in the oven, okay? David, it's going to take more than 45 minutes and enough until you frost this pizza, David. All right. David, I need you to put cheese on my love pizza. David? David. His eulogy was actually very nice to her. His was very sweet. He's like, I'm sorry. I had an affair. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry. And Chan is the most beautiful woman. I'm so sorry. And then hers was like, David was a father. He gave me children. And finally, he's dead. He still didn't use the correct fork when he was eating his salad. But, you know. And I can only hope that when his mistress died, she died a slow and painful death. Unlike David, who just died quickly. David, why did you die so quickly? David, why did you die without me? David, I thought we're going to die together. David, David. David, I bet you liked that ground more. David, I'm sick of you. Why did you go to sleep so early? Why did you die so early? I wanted to go to, I wanted to die at midnight and you died at 8 p.m. David. David was so amazing. I've brought Dr. Moon by to put a thumb in his ass before he's buried so he doesn't die with the cold. David. David. David, why isn't your tombstone on the ship of Chandelier? David, David. David, I put nine lemons in my tomb. David, how are you here? I want to. David, I want to be in a mausoleum. When you started crying and she's like, I mean, did you see David? David cried. David doesn't cry. And I've tried. I've dropped the Chandelier on him with a slow motion. David. David, remember that time when you almost ruined our family? Cry now. Cry. Cry, David. Where's Cry, David? David. David, why not David? David, Cry, David. David, remember when I served your favorite mashed potatoes and they were dry? David. David, remember when I put 10 lemons in the bowl instead of nine? I almost made you cry. Don't you want to cry again right now? David. That's so fair as all because there were 10 lemons in the bowl, David. Who was counting the lemons? David, remember when Heather Dubroe wore heels on our basketball court? David, didn't that make you want to cry? You want to cry now, don't you want to, David? David. David. David? I'm right. This is why our podcast won for two hours last week because we spent an hour doing Shannon-Badour impersonations with every single little thing. David, why don't we have D batteries, David? Those things are huge. David, these batteries are bigger than my head. David, did you buy these batteries because it starts with your first letter of your name? David, why aren't there an S-Bad battery, David? As for Shannon. I thought we were going to have batteries together. That's the thing, everything being wireless, you know? Everything means batteries. Like how many damn batteries am I going to go through? I'm sorry, I'm totally lost. Because my trackpad batteries went dead and now I can't scroll down to read people's comments on our page. Oh, I don't even know where the manual mouse is anymore, David. David, why don't you put batteries in my trackpad? No, it's okay, it's done. You're going to have to live them because it's not good. My trackpad has been dead for one year and you still haven't put batteries in it, David. It needs nine batteries. I don't even care if you swap on my trackpad anymore, David. That's how little it's used. I'm just using an iPad now, it's all touchscreen, David. None of that makes any sense and no, we're not still drunk. You know, it's hard to laugh. I love the idea of Shannon trotting out the idea that she uses a touchscreen as if that's some evidence of her being a better wife. David, I'm a modern gal now. I'm like that Meghan. I just use a touchscreen because it requires a human finger to touch it. I remind myself every time I open my mail that I've still got life in me, David. I'm a warm-blooded woman. David, every time I press the icon for Safari, I feel like we're going on an adventure in Africa. It makes us feel alive. David, every time Safari opens, I know that I'm still not as frigid as you think I am. David, touch screen, hashtag touch screen, David. So that was the first scene. So then we moved on to Heather. Wait, somewhere in this Heather, yeah, Heather was talking about her. Oh, I guess Heather was with Tamara, right? Yeah, Heather's with Tamara. She's like, look, I'm having a party. I'm having a party. It's called 14 bathrooms in collect, all right? We're going to celebrate. We're going to drink until we puke. Everyone gets their own bathroom. 14 people are invited, all right? And she said, everyone's going to be there except for Vicki because Vicki is receiving an award in Florida, which I could only imagine what Florida wants to give to Vicki. How Vicki will be honored in Florida, like most keychains bothered to restore to Vicki Gumbelson. Sickle, I got this one for that maid, and I got this one for my secretary. I mean, Florida, it's so colorful, right? Outstanding crop top wearer on an alligator tour to Vicki Gumbelson. To Vicki Gumbelson for importing as many busboys from on delays as anybody else in the world. Thank you, Vicki, for promoting immigration. Vicki Gumbelson, she gets a special award in bravery for unclogging the automatic frozen margarita machine. With her mouth. With her mouth. Vicki's suction award. So Vicki's not coming, but then she mentions that Lizzie's coming and then Tamara starts this fake bullshit crying thing, okay? Give me a break. Let's all remember, and you got to love the editors on this show because they're not letting Tamara get away with this bullshit. Tamara's like, "She was really mean to me, and if you look back like on my year, it was so hard." And she was so mean. And it's like cut to last year, and Tamara's like, "Listen here, you dumb whore. I hope you die, your vagina falls out." Jesus, vile. Oh my god, Tamara, I love Tamara's crocodile tears. I know I should hate them, but I love them. It's just so funny how she can make herself the victim of anything. Oh, I know. Yeah. It's like Sarah Bareilles says, "Who made you the king of anything?" Tamara Barney. [laughs] So she is crying because it's been so hard for her, and then they cut to Vicki going, "You're miserable, am I right? She's miserable, right? miserable." And the Tamara's like spewing venom back, like, "Shut up, your husband's an idiot." She's like, "It's been so hard on me. It's been so hard on me." So then, Heather's like, "Yeah, it's been rough on you. I mean, it's been rough on me, too. Do you know how hard it is trying to make an anecdote? 14 toilet, not easy." The other day, the other day, I lost Collette in the new cinnabuns we're building in our house. The other day, Collette walked into Spencer's guest. Do you know how horrifying that is for me as a mother? I mean, she's not supposed to go in there until she's 18. I mean, the other day, I lost Collette, and I was literally in a manic panic. Like, literally, we were building one in our house, and I lost her. Because manic panic, even in a store, I think it's just a hair thing. Whatever. I actually built the flagship manic panic store in my house. I won't let the kids eat from hot dog on a stick, but we have it there anyway, just so they can see their goal weight. Yeah. We were inviting Barbara Streisand over. That way, she can feel bad about her small mall in her house, because I was just going to be three times larger. So then, we go back to the retreat, I believe. And-- Oh, no. First, we have Vicki and Brooks getting ready for the party when Vicki tells Brooks, oh, now it's our house. Oh, no, no, no, no. You're right. Shopping, no. The hour housing came later. I just thought of Brooks, because everybody's making this hour. It's this fake hour house thing. So, Shannon, it's more of the same stuff. And, you know, they look into each other's eyes, and they say two things that you may have done, whatever. It was actually kind of a nice moment when Shannon and David were sort of mending, and then Shannon has this moment she's like, she's saying how she really, in her heart of hearts, she genuinely wants to move forward. And, you know, she loves David, et cetera. And then she tells us, like, I forgive David. David, I forgive David for the affair. I fully forgive. I left this retreat for giving him for the affair. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I totally-- I've totally let it go, the affair. Yes, totally. The affair I'm talking about. Hashtag the affair. Hashtag David Cheetah. I'm not a bitch. Not the bitch who got into David's pants, not her. But I've totally forgotten all about the affair, the affair, when David had sex with some woman affair. I've totally forgotten about affairs, affair. What? Affair to remember. Love it. Yeah, no, no, I've moved on. I moved on from that point when David decided I was useless in this marriage, and went to some trial's house. I've got-- move on, I've moved on. I've forgotten about it. It's moving on. Me and David are renting an affair to remember, and we're just going to sit there and hold hands the whole time. Yeah. You know, I mean, you know, David and I have an attraction that cannot be-- that cannot be broken into. It's almost like we have a fatal attraction, and I will never, never forget the affair, but I do forgive them. It's like fatal attraction, but David sleeps with really lazy people. I mean, this girl couldn't even boil a bunny. I told him, David, is this the kind of girl you cheat with me with? The kind of girl who can't even cook. David, David, David, David, where are you going? David. David, I made your favorite-- What was your opener down, David? David, I made your favorite mashed potatoes to go with your Mr. Sis Boiled Bunny for dinner. David. [LAUGHTER] Um, so is this the scene with the kids? Or is this the young girl shopping with the old man who hates her ass? Oh, yeah. So the kids are a little bit later. So next we go to Jim and Meghan Shopping. And you know what I realized? Jim and Meghan are exactly like Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Wiig playing the assholes on SNL. Hey, babe. Want this, babe? Yeah, babe. Why isn't this chair so puffy? I don't know, babe. Let's make it less puffy. Why is it a puffy? It's puffy, but it's ugly. Except that he has open hatred for her. Yeah. Open. Like, he is not even bothering hiding that shit. They're walking around some store and she's like, yeah, we need a shop because I'm his third wife and like, he got divorced and I moved in the next day. And his house is full of her things. And I make things mine by just buying new stuff and putting it in there. It's like, you're spending the same money. Like, how is it different? You may be buying a different colored, you know, glass dragon for the living room. But it's still spent with the same credit card, bitch. Yeah, exactly. Like, that wrought iron chandelier is not going to suddenly make everything wonderful in your marriage. And she's like, I feel like Tuscan is sort of a rustic, sort of rustic, but has a rich feel. And I'm like, girl, if you think that like, you, by you bringing rustic furniture into this house, it's somehow going to like, make it your own. You're like, you're sadly mistaken. Because clearly, the only look that people go for in Orange County is rustic Tuscan furniture. I mean, so it's like, you're just going to be replacing Tuscan furniture with Tuscan furniture. So this whole idea of like making it over with your, with your marriage. Replacing bad with bad. Also, why is it okay to like, why is it bad if you? I'm sorry. Why is it such a bad thing to share someone, some old woman's candy dish that's out of the house now? You're sharing the same penis. Yeah. If you're going to change something, change that. Yeah, exactly. Besides, you love that everything has to be original, but the dick. Give me a break. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And you know, it's funny because Shannon said that the divorce rate in Orange County is 70%. Well, no shit Sherlock. It's because all these like assholes keep marrying trophy wives. And they spend all their time buying patterns. The guys spend their time buying pattern shirts and going to like rock and roll church. And the wives spend their time in Pilates and cut fitness, you know? Yeah. Getting the blues big. Not like some states, women call divorce, depression. And you know, in California, we call it getting a better job. Yeah. It's called moving up, Shannon. Okay. Try it sometime. Yeah. And of course, the man just wants a couch. But I like that he's just openly hating her the whole time. He's like, you just like to throw things together and see if they work. Yeah. Who's talking third wife? Like, what are you talking about? You've like thrown women out on the street, just replace them with other ones. Who the fuck are you talking to? And then the only thing the man likes in the whole store is some couch that he can just sit there on. Shut up. Get out of here. Yeah. Some like tiny, uncomfortable looking couch. I've become a Joy Bay hard today with my shut up. Get out of here. Get out of here. Shut up. I don't know why. I've been saying a lot of girl. Another thing. Girl. Girl. The pride. Your hangover goes away. But the gay slang stays with you forever. Yeah. Gay pride hangover. And then I think the next scene or so is-- I'm still passing a fair. I still haven't even thought about it. I mean, since the last time you asked me about it, I haven't even thought about it. What a fair. What a fair, David. What a fair. David. David. They have this meeting with the kids. And they say, we're having this. Kids, we've gathered you here today to have a meeting to see as a family whether or not we should stay together as a family. What kind of meeting is that? Oh my god. I would have been sobbing as a child. Yeah, I know. I was surprised. The girls were like, like, jury. And they were like, like, so how is marriage counseling? And then, and then David, like, goes and apologizes to each one of them. It was actually like a verse. I thought it was a sweet scene, even though it was kind of crazy. And the dog was like, yeah, I forgive you. I forgive you. Yeah. Like, I won't forget, but I forgive. And he said, thanks, girls. Like, now let's go to Disneyland. I mean, those girls are smart. Like, all right. Well, what do we get out of it now? Exactly. We're going to have, we're going to put a jar in the kitchen. Every time you have an affair, you have to put a dollar in there, daddy. And then at the end of the year, we're going to go to Disneyland. He's like, sure, David, David, I thought we're going to not spray farm. David, David, David, I wanted to look at the jam. David, where are you going, David? David, do you want to go on Mr. Chode's wild ride? I still think that our relationship was the wild ride. Why don't you lay our wild ride anymore? David, David, we're going to put a jar in the kitchen. And every time you swear at your mistress, you have to put a dollar in there, daddy. Swear at your mistress, Mr. Starr. All right. So yeah, they all say yes. Those kids are really, really cute. Yeah, they're actually, I think, beautiful, especially the eldest one. The eldest one is gorgeous. I love that a Vicky calls stupid Tamara from Andalase. She's like, hey, I'm at Andalase. I'm being my ears being cleaned out with a Mexican penis right now. That always makes me think of you. And then they cut to someone licking Tamara's vagina through her leggings in Mexico. This show is horrifyingly funny. I love this show. It is so trashy. And for those of you who wonder, this can't really be really what Orange County is like. No, it is. And anyone who denies it is denying the truth themselves. This is exactly Orange County in a nutshell. Yup. Yum. Um, yeah, no. And Vicky's like, you know, I always think of Tamara. Every time I go to Mexico, you know, with all the beheadings in the horse, etc. You know, the donkey shows and stuff. And Brooks is like, yep. She says, Brooks had his, Brooks here for his third round of chemo. You know that chemo is not wakamole, right? Yeah. He is like, Brooks is like, you know, you've heard of all western medicine and eastern medicine. Well, this is southern medicine as in south of the border where they treat, where they treat the chemo, where they treat the cancer. With, you know, tequila and on delays. I've got cancer, so I don't want salt around my rim. You know, that's called taking care of yourself. Yeah. Oh gosh. And then Vicky's like, listen, you know, I'm in a better place with Tamara because people used to, you know, say stuff about me and I get so upset and they say things about Brooks. And now I don't care. I'm at the point where I just don't care what anybody thinks anymore. Vicky, you're on your 10th face in 10 years. Don't tell them you don't care what people think. Get out of here. How many faces have you had? What is this like? She's like, I finally got a chin that would stay up. My chin is actually, it has a twisty tie that reaches back to my ear. So my ear, my chin always stays up, chin up, like the English people. You know, Vicky, she got a motorcycle helmet and she just attached the strap to her chin and then got rid of the rest. So by the way, speaking of people who also need to get over it, Tamara, who after she hangs up on, once she's done with her phone call with Vicky, she's like talking to Eddie, like, oh my god, like, it's just crazy. Like, Vicky calling me. I like, I just, I can't keep going back to the same fight. Like, she's like, we always fight makeup. And she's like, I just can't keep doing it. Oh, whatever. Her favorite thing in life is to go back to the same fight. That's all she does. Like, did she not see the past five years of her in Gretchen even after they became friends? Yeah. That's her little Vicky. Oh, that was Vicky. That was Tamara that time. That was Tamara actually. Oh, yeah, Tamara. I mean, they're the same to me. They're just both awful. And they'll do anything to be on this stupid TV show. I love how nobody talks until the cameras are rolling. They're like, it's time to get back together. Also, in that scene was where Vicky was talking about cancer. Meanwhile, you hear like naked bus boys slapping their dicks against like, some, you know, whatever. And Vicky's like, oh, he's in his third round of chemo. And Eddie goes, oh, bullshit. Yeah. Eddie coughed out a nice little bullshit in there. So looks like nobody believes in, in the cancer, guys. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So then we have a scene. So Vicky decided, by the way, that she, all she misses everyone. So she's going to have a Mexico party since she had to, since she was alone. By the way, my Vicky accent still veers into petty flirt. I apologize, people. Just go with it. So, so everyone's getting ready for Vicky's Mexico party, which is kind of hilarious that she has a party called a Mexico party. And the widest place on earth. Yeah. So first we get a scene, we get a scene of Shannon and David getting David. And and she and David's like, hey, babe. So she'll wear a bleaser or this. She's like, David, I think you look perfect like this. David, why do you want to take off your sweater? Is just what I like me? Does your sweater remind you of me? Do you want to take off? David. David. Is that sweater suffocating you, David? The sweater is sorry, David. You have to let it go. It's all about forgiveness, David. David, do not put your penis on that thing, David. David, the sweater tried its best. David, the sweater tried its best. They tried its best. Not all mashed potatoes can turn out right. David, David, why didn't you get more wine? Why didn't you get more wine for the sweater? Sweater? No, we having David, you have 12 sweaters here. You have to get more wine than that. This is so funny. This scene was so funny for me because it's showing the new David after this retreat. And he's like talking to her like she's five and everything's a question. She's like, David, why are you walking away from me? David, why are you walking away? He's like, I was walking away. I was walking away because I thought you were done. Weren't you done, huh? No, David, I was going to kiss you, David. Oh, okay, we'll come back because this is what you want. There is a kiss. Oh, well, all right. I mean, that wasn't the most exciting because I don't want to know that. I mean, it was a kiss. I'm going to let that kiss go, David, because that's what I do. I'm going to forgive you for that lame kiss, David. I am my heart of hearts. I'm going to forgive you for not immediately walking to me and give me a kiss. David, I can't blow you a kiss. That's very hard for me, David. David, David, you know, I don't like blowing things. We talked about this at the retreat. It was on my poster board. Did you even read my poster board, David? David, you know that Dr. Moon hasn't worked on my lungs. Yeah, I can't blow your kisses, David. So then we get to this Mexico party, I guess. Well, some people are still at Heather's house, but first we get, we see Lizzie going to this Mexico party. Wait, who was Lizzie going with? Was she with Heather in that limo? You know, Lizzie was with her husband Christian. They just sort of showed up and I was like, I don't leave enough. I was sort of happy to see Lizzie. I think Lizzie is good in this kind of, with just Lizzie as a perfect character, she works, you know, because we don't have to see her life because her life is so boring, but she comes in and she sort of winds and I'm okay with that. Yeah, we just get to see her in like a prostitute jacket from the 80s and then get to see Tamara abuse her. Perfect, fine. Heather drove over, Heather and Terry drove over with Jim and Megan and then this girl, I think her name was Katie. Katie, what's her face? Hamilton, who I don't know, maybe she'll be a new friend of and she sort of has this crazy muppet hair. Fantastic, another baseball wife. Well, actually something I learned from facebook.com/watchwithcrappens. When I was opening my box each arm, I was reading it. Someone said that Katie was supposed to be a new cast member or something and her life fell apart and so they took her out of the show, which I'm not sure about because didn't that happen last year with that other cast member when it turned out her husband was gay and then they tried cutting her out of the show. So then there's just some random friend of Lizzie who shows up every once in a while to be like, well Tamara made fun of Brooks. What do you think about that? I thought the whole thing with Danielle was that she was supposed to be the next one but she was sort of like boring or whatever and then Lizzie turned out to be you know, starting fights with people and more fun and interesting so they decided to make Lizzie a cast member and not even know, but I love that the show just fires people mid-season because they're teaming them. But someone said that about this Katie girl that she was supposed to be one of the noobs but that she ended up leaving because her life fell apart. We'll have to verify that. Somebody comment on the Facebook because I have not done independent verification, okay? Yeah, so anyway, so people are showing up. Tamara and Eddie show up and Brooks opens the door for them and what I love is Eddie says to Brooks is, oh man, you've lost some weight. Which by the way, like even if you think the cancer is fake, you'd never say that to someone who is cancer. Like because you imagine going up to someone who is going through treatment and be like, oh, you look like you've lost some weight, like that's awful. I know Eddie's like, you've lost more weight than anybody in our gym. Can we do this, who means this is a diet program? I don't know, we'll just be giving away blue M&M's now for our new diet. Yeah, he's like drink plenty of Diet Coke, you guys. Called this nice amount of cancer and it is great for your waistline. Yeah, speaking of losing weight, Gina is skinny now. She showed up, Gina Kiyo. Oh yeah, Gina looks good. She was wearing a nice plastic jacket in case Tamara was let loose again on it. Yeah, she wore a poncho, she wore a body shaping poncho. Totally. She's like, hi Vicki, I brought you a roll of paper towels that I'm going to hold on to until the party's over, just in case. Hope you don't mind. I like that Tamara was going into this saying, oh, I'm going to be so nice to Brook now because it's more important to have Vicki as my friend. And then the first thing she says when she sees Brook is, well, Brook's made himself at home. Yeah, like, well, of course, what did you expect? Brooks thinks he's so great now that he's cancer skinny. Listen, let's not give credit to cancer. Okay, cancer, I'm sure, fake cancer, I'm sure had something to do with it. But he's also living with Vicki, which means he sees her out of wig and out of clothes every single day now. All right, it's not just twice a month, just every day. Oh god, Tamara's just awful though. And also cancer, possibly baby cancer, maybe cancer, whatever. Got my Facebook, I'm trying to go through our on our page, but my Facebook has been just so slow. I don't know what's wrong with it. I'm just going to close it. You're going to be in charge of Facebook. By the way, I can't, my mouse doesn't work. Like, I literally can only see my notes. I don't even know how I'm going to end this podcast when it ends. I'm going to have to go buy fucking batteries to end the podcast because I can't press stop on the thing. You can't, you can't press stop? No, I don't have a mouse. I can't reach the call reporter button on Skype. I couldn't find them. I have these in triple A's. I mean, why David? Who needs, David? What can't you do? Wait, you don't have a mouse that you can plug in? I don't think so. Or it doesn't come with a cable that you can plug it in, in case of emergencies? No, girls, it's a magic trackpad. They're like, it's magical. Now it's broken and you'll never stop the podcast. David, David, this trackpad is like our marriage. You've broken it. But it will never stop. It will never stop David. Wait, put your finger on the trackpad. Oh, David, David, put your finger out. That's too hard, David. David, why are you fingering my trackpad so hard, David? Get out, David, get out, David. Don't you, David, you better wear your GPS, David. Turn your GPS on, David. Speaking of Shannon, I have to say one of the great thrills of the scene was watching her interact with Megan. Because Megan shows up and she's like, oh, hey. Oh, yeah, I remember you from the party. I remember you from this and she goes up to David. And she's like, oh, hi. Oh, hey, I remember from the party we did shots. And then she turns to Shannon and she's like, oh, hi. You know, I'm so sorry that I didn't get to spend more time with you at that party and get to know you a little bit better. And she's like, oh, no, it's fine. No, it's great. Don't worry about that. David, David, David, why are you looking at that? Oh, no, it's lovely to see you. I don't remember you at all, actually. So weird. Do you select tequila shots that my husband gave you? Mm-hmm. So, yeah, yeah. David, have you been blowing my husband recently at David? David, this is your mattress, David. No, it's great to see you. And you're, you know, skinny as well. We're going to be great friends. I'm glad to see you're with a baseball player because, you know, he needs, you need someone that accepts you can feel balls. So that's great. We're going to be great friends. Yeah, well, and I think it's great. I'm sure he gets to go make a to a home run all the time. I guess you guys go beyond first space quite often. Unlike David, David only wants David, David. But anyway, she hates Megan. You can see she absolutely hates Megan, which is the best. I love when the old ladies hate the young ladies. And so then we get to like the actual dinner. And people are sitting there eating dinner. And Shannon and this Katie girl are oddly enough for bonding about church. Shannon's like, well, David and I like to go to church at 5 p.m. and then have day night afterwards, which by the way, I can't think of a romance week. Who wears way to kick off date night. I mean, there's not there is no foreplay like body of crop, body and blood of Christ first. I'll tell you that much. Yeah, usually our date nights start off with awkward silence for 45 minutes. David, I swallow little bits of Jesus. Pray. And then it's off to the olive garden with David. Yeah, very romantic. David, David, do you like the olive garden, don't you? David, David. We stopped going there for a while, because if David saw two olives together, reminded him of his mistress's breasts. David, why don't you ever ask for more Shannon sticks? So why is it always more bread sticks? David always tells me to get more more unlimited salad. David, what are you trying to say, David? So then, so then, so they're talking and then Katie's talking about the church this year. They're talking about church back and forth, church, church, church. And then this is this is why I love the editing on the show. They cut to Tamara going, Lizzie does anal. Oh yeah, that lady is like, oh, I love church. Oh, church is amazing. I mean, what Jesus can do for you in one week is amazing. And everyone's like, I know. And Tamara, yeah. Lizzie does anal. And there, Lizzie and Tamara are sort of like getting along. And Tamara's like, well, I can't believe like, I can't believe like Shannon won't even look at me. She won't even talk to me. Shannon's not looking at me, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, yeah, bitch, because you're the devil. And she's going to church, all right. And then they cut to Shannon, who's totally over everything and doesn't hold grudges against anybody. Well, you know, what Tamara did to me last year, I ruined my family, ruined everything. I mean, David never would have stuck it in somebody else if someone hadn't brought it up publicly first. I mean, that totally opened the floodgates for David. Like, we literally died. We were in tombstones, David. Do you ever remember when we died? I mean, I'm not talking to Tamara because I'm dead. I'm a zombie right now. Zombies don't have emotions. Well, zombies just want to eat brains, but I just want to pick brains, mainly David's brain. David, what are you thinking about? David, David, David, David, David. One hand, David, David. Stop blocking me out of your brain, David. Give me the new code. Give me the new code, David. David, David. So David's doing this thing through the whole night, which is killing me, where he will not look at anything or anybody except Shannon. Yeah. And it's so awkward, and everybody's pointing it out. And Vicki's like, oh, look at you guys. You look so happy. I mean, look at David. He won't even look at anything else. He's just staring at you. And he's like, Vicki, please leave me alone. I'm trying to stare at Shannon. That's because basically Shannon has earned into one of those little ghosts from Super Mario Brothers, when if you turn Mario's back against the ghost, he comes at you with fangs, and if Mario looks at it, it's not much of a purpose to us. So he's like, he's like, as long as I stare at Shannon, she won't come at me with her fangs. He's like, even an upturned turtle won't kill this thing. I'm staring at her. There will be no jumping at this party. He's like, just give me a raccoon tail so I can fly out of here. Yeah. And Vicki's like, oh, you want to talk about it? Let's talk about it. I mean, what's been going on with you two? Let's have advice on talk about it. And Shannon's like, we don't want to talk about it. It's too fresh and it's too raw. Like one of David's mistresses that we're not going to talk about tonight. David, David. So then, please don't serve a tamale bear back, please. So then it's like piñata time when this one Vicki says, oh, you know, what Mexican party can you have? That doesn't have a piñata. I'm like, I think a lot of Mexicans are like. Yes, every party that Mexicans have has a piñata. [Laughter] Oh, let's have a black party with watermelon. Terrible. Vicki. So let me see Brooks. Oh, and now Tamara really wants to be friends with somebody because Tamara really has nobody left except Heather. And who needs that in her life? So she's doing her best to make friends with just anybody who will be friends with her. And of course, Vicki is her best chance. So the only way to be friends with Vicki is to be nice. Brooks is fake cancer. So she's like, oh, Brooks, I mean, wow, cancer, huh? And he's like, oh yeah, I can't eat steak or chicken. I mean, basically a vegan egg. You know what cancer's favorite meal is? Steak and chicken. If cancer had a city, all they would have is steak and chicken restaurants. I'm telling you, I'm basically a vegan. I just eat refried beans. Basically, you know, all I can eat is slim gems. That's vegan, right? That's meat. Oh, well, I've been eating that. My doctor prescribed me some slim gems and some beef jerky. That's my that's my that's my thing. So then then enter handgate, which is Shannon is Shannon's with Lizzy. And she like looks across the party and she sees Vicki holding Tamara's hand. And she's like, now they're holding hands. The cycle repeats. David, David, do you see the hand holding? David, they're holding hands. David, where are they holding hands? I know what forgiveness means, but I I'm not going to forget. I mean, forgiving is one thing that I'm not going to forget. David, David. And by the way, the best part of all this was that somewhere along the way, Shannon started wearing a sombrero. That was amazing. The thing you put on our Facebook of Shannon miserable and a soprano. What is wrong with me in a sombrero? So good. I put up three images because at first I was going to put up just first, I put up a picture of Shannon with Vicki because it's such a funny image. But then when I saw Shannon in a sombrero, I was like, oh my god. And so first, I was just going to put this one picture where she's like standing with David and on our on our on our on our picture that you see of the collage, the rightmost image is just Shannon standing with David in a sombrero looking off in the distance. Like, what have I done wrong with my life? Does David still love me? And then I don't know. And then so I was just going to do that one. But then I saw the middle panel and it was a classic like Shannon looking alarmed at something. Like she sees something, her claws are out. She doesn't know whether to be panicked or angry. But again, in a sombrero. And then the leftmost one is Shannon just sort of docile and remembering the good times again in a sombrero. Oh, Shannon wrapped in a poncho of my own misery. Hey, that's keeping me warm in my. Oh, we forgot to mention something and we should be ashamed of ourselves in a season that is going to be based on fake Christianity. That we missed Brooks prayer. I mean, come on, that is inexcusable. When Brooks says, often we should pray and Vicki tells him, well, you're the leader of the house now, you should do it. Vicki, you just told us last week you made him sign a basic non marital prenup where he owns none of this house. Okay, that guy is not even getting a peer one pillow. What the fuck are you talking about? You're the leader of a house. I'm so sure. Oh my God. So stupid. And then Brooks is like, I want to say, rub a dub, dub, I love grub. Thank you, God. And meanwhile, behind him is like fire. The fire pits or whatever. And the most fitting picture ever Brooks praying in front of the hell fire. Yeah, exactly. Oh, it's your house tool to burn it, damn bitch. So then, and then the episode basically ends with Vicki and Tamara talking once again. Like, I want to be friends. I'm sorry. It's been six months. And stay out of my, don't talk to other women about Brooks and the usual stuff that happens at the beginning of every season. Yep. And those two are holding hands, which means it's going to be a fun season for us. Because frankly, I think it's so much more fun when they are teamed up against people that they hate for no reason instead of hating each other for no reason. Yeah. So that was some good young women hate. I don't know why. Funny, funny, funny episode. Question. Ronnie, do you want to run out and get your batteries now? No, no. You sure? Yeah. Okay. Let's have a three telling. I just want to make sure it'll be okay. I don't want to. Well, I took batteries from my keyboard and put them in my mouse. So now I just can't type. So later when I'm formatting the episode, it takes forever anyway. So you'll be able to, you'll be able to stop the recording. Yeah, now I can stop the recording. Oh, okay, good. Yeah, yeah. There's no batteries close to here. There's only totally useless things around here, like all Whole Foods. I'd like to get a $20 banana, but I can't get a fucking battery. Yeah. So I think now that we've talked about real houses of Orange County, I say we have a pallet cleanser. And the pallet cleanser should be the new dishes at pump. This is on the Brava website. This is Lisa Vanderpump reveals five must-try summer items at pump. Oh my god, shrimp scampy drawing. They're like shrimps, but they're really scampery shrimp. I want them to have attitude, all right, then. Well, so first things first. So Lisa is here with her chef, her executive chef, who is not Chef Penny Dollar. I guess Chef Penny has left her post. And this is now Chef Derek. And I am not happy to see that Chef Penny is nowhere to be seen. I just imagine she's on the line so much. Chef Penny, fire up the grill. Chef Penny, all right. Chef Penny's in the back smoking a cigarette, one brick from chopped, all right. Just leave Chef Penny alone. She's at her post, all right. Her post is now by the smoking man. Sexy cigarette, all right, Chef Derek, all right. Let's get out of summer menu, all right. These are five things that we just have to have, all right? Okay, so here's the first one. Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles that you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world renowned experts, and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. There's more to imagine when you listen, and one title that I've been listening to is my friend, Neil J. Young's coming out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500 500. That's audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500 500. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. We're back to tell you more about the latest Dash Pass annual plan benefit. Stream Max with ads included at no extra cost. You know what's a great night for us? Ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the Max Original Hacks. Which won best comedy, deservedly so, and we'd love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart, but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu, who also is a huge Bravo fan. Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks, but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza, sometimes it's a salad, and I can get both with DoorDash. How about some ice cream? That's what I like to eat with my hacks. 100% I will double Dash. I will get a salad and then double Dash some ice cream. Why not? Sign up for a Dash Pass annual plan and get Max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max has now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. Stream Max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply, see doorDash.com/maxfor details. Papaya with crab. So, the first must try item is pie with crab. Oh, this is Lisa talking. I hate to brag, but I just have to a little bit. It is my recipe. It has spicy crab with shrimp with the lime mayonnaise and a fresh papaya on a bed of lettuce. For a last recipe I had that was Lisa Vanderpumps with some bullshit warm English potato salad. That is nasty, warm mayonnaise. Get out of here, Lisa Vanderpump. This is, again, it could not look more '80s. I'm sure it's actually delicious, but it's so '80s. And it actually looks, it's presented, the way it's presented, it looks kind of like a vagina. So, anyway, Lisa says it's the style of our cuisine. It's healthy, healthy, delicious, and crafted by Lisa. We are in. Okay, the next one, everyone's gonna laugh. It takes in a blanket, darling. I mean, candy was the cutest little baby, darling. It's the time we named something after. Yeah, if we had a third daughter, we would have named a papaya, but we never did. So, we made a dish out of it and put it in a pump. Just think of it as our unborn child. You're eating our unborn children. Every time you eat this. Every time you eat this dish, you're getting, you're getting a mouthful of quentard and lisa van de pump. All right, so then the next dish, everyone's gonna laugh. This is, I'm literally reading this off the Bravo website. The next must try a dish from pump this summer. Ahi tuna tartar. What? Chef Betty. Get the Ahi tuna tartar already. So, quote, another must try appetizer is our tuna tartar. It is served with wonton chips and pomegranate seeds. I've always said that you can judge the standard of the cuisine of a restaurant by the tuna tartar. Ours is second to none. State's a stern bent apart. Then Chef Jerk says, "Everyone loves this tuna tartar because of all the protein." Gay restaurant. Yeah, tuna tartar with wonton. Tuna tartar. Spend all your $50 on an ounce of protein, darling. Thank us later. Darling, this was inspired by the time I heard a Debbie Gibson song in 1987. I mean, came up with this dish right then and then. It's timeless. Although I'm not going to lie, I actually do love a tuna tartar dish. So, as much shade as we give pump for their tuna tartar, I do love it. So, what can I say? Okay. The next one must try dish. Sexy dish for the summer. This is going to break all the culinary rules. This is going to get the James Beard warden here and pump. Next dish, salmon. And that's all it says. It just says. I ate that last time I was there. That's not new. It just says salmon. This is a quote. For main dish, our salmon is a must try. It is really delicious. Says the British stunner. Chef Derek walks us through the dish. Says the British stunner. Salmon. Just imagine it was like a slab of salmon. The police abandoned pump presents salmon. So, he goes, we have baby organica rugula as the base. We have light fried Brussels sprouts with pine nuts and raisins. We have a mango dressing and roasted pistachios. It tastes great. By the way, you know what? It's funny. You know what I made last week, as mentioned on your periscope and on my periscope. I made salmon over a bed of arugula. So, congratulations. The Ben Mandelker culinary influence has made it to pump. Oh, fuck that place. I had the salmon last time. That is not new. How are you serving people salmon and tuna tartar and calling that new? Get out of here. That is not new. Salmon of arugula. We got salmon of arugula. This is what we're going to do. We're going to add some pistachios. Jesus. It's going to be served to you by Emilio Estves. All right, we're going to bring him out of the kitchen and we're going to pretend he's still uglier than Charlie Sheen. And then he's going to serve this to you. And you're going to like it, all right? This next dish was inspired by the series premiere of "Out" in 1986. Also pigs in a blanket. It's called the pink rose, another sexy dish for the summer. So now she goes, all of our desserts are made, are specially made for pump. They must fry as the pink rose. It is very pretty. Okay, so then Chef Derek says the pink rose is a great dessert. It is a layer of cake, a layer of chocolate moose, a layer of white chocolate, and a pink chocolate rose on top. Okay, a little raspberry is alongside. Oh my God. And when you order it, the older sister from Mr. Belvedere brings it out to you on a plate. It is the finest look of 1988. Oh, this moose. What else, is that all about? No, this is the last one. All right, this is the fifth must try sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy dish for the summer. It's a Mediterranean board. The next must try is the Mediterranean board. It is just a beautiful mixture of hummus, different spreads, olives, peanut bread. It's beautifully prepared. It's very visual. So basically, it's three out of five things are not cooked at all. So well, what I love is, okay, now this one is not from the 80s. This one is, you know, hummus and all that stuff is a little bit more modern. But I love that this is like, this must try a sexy option. If you look at the picture, it looks delicious. It's like hummus and baba ganush and levnids and other things. But it is just like, they just cram it on to this wood platter. This is the least sexy look of spreads. This looks like these spreads were just shut out of someone's ass and blobs onto the plank. And I would eat it all, but this girl, this is not sexy. Other girl, gay pride hangover. Also, you know, that's like $50 and that shit costs like $4 to make. Yeah. So we've got some chickpeas. We put it in a blender with a little lemon juice and some tahini dang and a little bit of garlic, you know, we blended it all up. And then we've got some olives from a jar. And that's it, pretty much. That'll be $50, all right. Darling, here's what we do. We're going to get two things. We're going to get a blob of baba ganush and a blob of hummus. And then we're going to take two chives, all right. And then we're going to just lay them across across each other, like a big axe, like a big chive axe. As if a hurricane's coming and we're protecting all the dips with this tape of chives, okay? It's a hurricane of flavor. Okay, that's coming to your mouth. Go to see a pump. Hurricane pump. Hurricane pump. Oh, Lisa, darling. Well, I can't wait to go to pump and complain about that food because last, oh, no, this wasn't a pump. This was, sir, with the three little tiny goat cheese balls for like $15 or whatever. Love you. I love you, Lisa. I love you, I love you dearly. And I love your commitment to outdated foods. Lisa, I don't want West Hollywood to be fat, all right? And the way that you do it, it's like they did with cigarettes. You just keep raising the prices until they can't eat. And if they do still want to eat, they just work their way up the corporate ladder and work their little butts off, don't you, apparently? Thank you, darling. I love you, darling. Good daughter. Hashtag good daughter. Good daughter. Good daughter. All right. I have to go pee. So why don't we pause this for one second? Oh, then I'm going to have to press paste. You bastard. That was actually a perfect break because look who found some batteries. Don't tell them enough to buy shit from the dollar store. I mean, it's like, oh, and I'm desperate for condoms. What do you mean you're pregnant? And I got to eat some peanuts. Whenever you need a light bulb that lasts a week, get you to the dollar store. Do you know how many teen pregnancies could have been avoided by just going to CVS? I just get my batteries from Costco and they last like a year. Oh, for roll? You get a giant Costco thing every year. I never go there. I don't even have room in my apartment for that much toilet paper. Well, I'm telling you, there's certain things at Costco that are worth getting in. Batteries is one of them in paper towels. And there's something else I need to get from there. Oh, egg whites. If you like egg whites, although I can't do egg whites anymore. I just, but if you want to get the pre-made ones, that you can get like a big thing for like six dollars. Gross. But I do have batteries. So great. Now I can type. And yeah, now I can use the mouse. Wow, technology, am I right? Watch what Crapins remains the most professional of podcasts. Totally. You know, Sonya Morgan actually has the right idea with actually using internes as her mouse and her computer. I'm surprised. They never break. I'm surprised you didn't send out the bat signal to Sonya. Computer number three, keyboard one is down. Pickles, I can't navigate Facebook darling. I like that it was like Lisa Vanderpump like calling out for pickles. Darling Sonya, please send pickles this way. We're having an oxygen machine emergency. Guess what just happened? And I'm not even lying. Now my other batteries are dead. What the hell? Now I still only have what? Okay. We need to stop talking about batteries. This is starting to turn into fucking Shannon's divorce story. Yeah. All right. So can we, so we have three other shows. I don't know which one. Why don't we do blood, sweat, and heels? Because I thought that was entertaining and there was a big fight. I don't know. How are you going to pick? Like who's watching? Which is the most popular show? Married to medicine, blood, sweat, and heels are mother funders. We're racing to the bottom this week. You know, I was, I was mad because I watched, I watched blood, sweat, and heels at like midnight like two nights ago. And I was so tired. I was like, I just can't, I can't take notes. I don't have the energy. I was like, don't worry. I'll, I'll remember this all because this is all so funny. The only thing I remember distinctly, I mean, I remember what happened in it. But after there's this big fight, and we'll get into it, is when the girls are separate and Melissa is like crying in the boat, Arzo comes over to her to console her. And she's like, no, she's like a monster. She's like, no girl, like your career isn't really like, you're not about that life. Oh my god. All right. So let's start from the beginning because I did actually take notes on that. That is the best part of an extremely boring episode. I know you loved it. I know you loved it. Tylenol, maybe blame the tie on all Pam, I don't know. Maybe because you watched it after gay pride. Is that why you were on, you were coming down? I watched it yesterday, but yeah, I was still, I was a mess yesterday. I was a zombie. I just stared at a wall pretty much all day. Like it hurt to even watch TV shows. I had to make myself watch the shows. To be fair, the other two shows we'll be talking about were god awful. Yeah. Well, this one was, I guess, still fun because we knew it was the last one. And I knew shit was going to be going down on Blood, Sweat, and Hills. And I was kind of excited to watch it, but it was kind of anti-climactic. But anyway, it starts off with Shanti, who's having a flawless affair, darling. And this affair for flawless needs to be flawless. All right. Listen, I'm running a business. I'm an independent woman. And there's no other company in town that's going to get you a busboy that can shoot fire out of his ass. All right, darling? Aim higher. Yeah, although I had to say, considering all these bravo stars with their fake events, et cetera, you know, hers looks actually pretty impressive. And she did have time and Forbes there, which, you know, I didn't see that in any, you know, opening for the collect sparkling wine brand, you know. Because Shanti knows how to do it. Listen, any writer, especially a poor one, which, if you write for any kind of publication, you're a poor writer, I mean, let's face it, unless you're Stephen King or Mary Higgins Clark. You mean, poor is in like, but no money. Poor. Yeah, poor, poor. No, yeah, it's like not bad writers. But could you imagine the New York Times? Oh, terrible writing. Although I did see at Starbucks today that the New York Times is $2.50. So I'm like, this is why nobody reads the news. That's how much I used to pay for a pack of cigarettes. Why am I going to pay that to read some some terrorist bullshit? Anyway, um, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so she's having writers there. Listen, all you have to put on the invite is there will be free food and drinks. You'll get writers from everywhere. Yeah, we're not picky. Yeah, I just can only imagine how I compared myself to New York Times writer. Yeah. I also wonder what Forbes was thinking. Like, why did Forbes want to cover an event for basically, you know, people who like fire breathers and sword swallows? Well, Forbes is for people with not money. It's not by people with money. All right. They probably showed up with a bunch of Tupperwares. That's true. And they probably do get like, I'm sure those lavish parties at the Hamptons are an old Greenwich. They ever know and then they do want like a fire breather. And we don't know that they came anyway. We know that the PR lady said that they were going to come. That's not the same thing. I know. Oh, it's flawless deception, darling. Flawless. So that's how it starts. She's getting ready for this big party. And they're shoving all the parties in this episode because they're all boring and there's like 10 parties in this episode. They're all housewives of Melbourne yet, basically. Yeah, yeah, they were. So the next part is Demetria. My wedding is in 10 days. I'm so excited. I didn't think I was going to be a bride, but now I'm a bride. And it's fine. And it's Greg. I got a bell in Brooklyn and now I'm going to be a married bell in Brooklyn. It's a big deal. Big deal, huge deal. So Greg finally, they had a really deep talk that went something like this. Greg, I really want Geneva to come. No, Greg, it means a lot. Okay. Greg, I love you so much. Kiss, kiss. The end. So for last year, she finally got Greg to say, okay. And guess why you guys? Because Geneva and her are really tight. And Geneva has actually answered the phone at two of the morning. Yeah, she actually said it again. I was dying. That's why I was laughing this episode because all of our inside jokes that we make on this podcast were coming through. That's why I'm shocked that you said it was so boring. I was like, it was hilarious because Demetra kept on saying everything. She did not say it's a big deal, but she came damn close. She was like, it's like, it's like a big occasion. She said it's huge or something. I started laughing. So this scene, she's like Geneva would answer the phone at two a.m. Which still I'm wondering what the hell she's doing at two a.m. Except cleaning teeth out of her goddamn teeth. Or does say teeth cake out of her goddamn teeth. But anyway, she's clearing out her closet so that Greg can move in. And then she's like, of course I'm going to give you part of the closet space. You know, I need to I need to have half the closet for the cake samples we couldn't get to. You know, get them out of the free get that freezer in here. It's a big deal. Like literally it was a deal like gotten a freezer. It's a big deal. And she's talking about and I totally understand this. Anybody who struggles with weight totally understands the clearing out your closet. And you're like, look at all the memories. That was 20 pounds ago. And that was 30 pounds ago. Oh my god, look at prom. I only ate fingernails and mustard. I was so cute. Throw it away. Oh my god, this is the dress I called it two a.m. When I was like, what do I want to wear tomorrow? And I called the dress and she was like, ah, put me on. So I just thought it was funny that she was clearing your closet. And Greg's like, OK, I have some old Navy cargo shorts that can go there. Yeah, I'll put the clippings from my go to you there. So saunty is getting ready and people aren't being let in because they're not ready or something. I mean, it was just a bunch of rented tables and some like fruit on a plate. I need to change my energy. I need to switch my energy. I need to go outside and switch my energy. Yeah. Where's milky? Is he pooping somewhere? Milky, don't poop. Milky, I said lie down, turn on a circle, pick your nose and do a backflip. Oh, milky, so stupid. Everyone look at milky. He's going to be the new style of power to the panzance. Do you know how hard it is having a stupid dog? My dog should be working. I have a lazy dog. Sit down, milky, sit down. Sit down, don't shit milky. Oh, you're always shitting. Stop shitting. So just be down, down. Where's Diane Katz? Diane Katz, milky's down, she's down. Oh, she was down just a second ago, Diane. Milky has expired, Diane Katz. Diane Katz, can you get milky into crazy for you? I hear the touring again. Crazy for you. Nothing like a bitch on a tin roof singing Gershwin telling. Milky do it. Darling, I hear they're doing a revival at Grand Hotel. Is there a pot for milky in there? Diane Katz, get her in there now. We make all the British women on these shows just bossy. They just boss people around. They are though. Diane Katz has come in to pump. Yeah, they're all act two of "My Fair Lady." None of these girls are like act one. We do need a show like that where they're like, "Hi there, Mr. Gurna." You like what? I'm like farting on people. Oh, Eliza, do little before you got classy. Come back to me. I can't wait for ladies of London to come back, so we can just do bossy British accent the entire time. And just talk about how horrible Americans are. And talk about Andrew or Chris. What was the name again? The one who jumped there for the ceiling. The one who jumped off the roof. That girl with the fake one. Do they see? What was her head since made the gold digger? Scott, Scott, Scott. Think about the designer. What's his face? With the muse. She's like, I'm sort of like his muse. Oh, yeah, yeah. Valentice. Whose muse? Which queen? God, I don't even know. I need the shit to be on her. I don't care. Yeah, I forgot his name. I have to look up the designer. Designer, McQueen. So she's so worried that her catering thing isn't going well or whatever. And then we see some of these talented people. Okay, poor waiters. Okay, look, here's what I have to say to the waiters who work for flawless. You guys, if you're homely and middle-aged and you're a waiter and you're thinking a better way to make money is by swallowing a sword, no, go to college. You can do it online now. Listen to what we read about the big brother cast. You can be educated anywhere. You know, being a waiter who swallows a sword, you're still a waiter, goddamn it. Make an effort, toning. So then basically, I mean, Daisy gets a fever. There's some sort of stuff with David. It's a fever and she's like, whatever, cancer cancer cancer. So then first Melissa was like, look, there's an 800-pound gorilla in the room and then they cut to Geneva's face. That is not nice. Editors. Geneva, human dress like a blueberry. So Geneva and Melissa and Armza were all sitting together and then, of course, I think it was Melissa who started up, it could have been Armza, but Melissa is like, she starts being annoying about just- Well, I guess they knew this was a finale party. So they came in just ready to go at Geneva and Geneva, who's, you know, suing the NYPD Blue at this point. And a commission. And she's already been in trouble. So she's actually trying to blow it off at first and Melissa will not stop, man. She would not stop. I can't believe you call it. I don't remember exactly what she said, but she was bringing up the stuff about Geneva calling Greg, bitch ass, or whatever. And Geneva's basically saying like, she's like, you know, I already talked to my friend. I already talked to my friend about it. We're working on it. It has nothing to do with you. We are working on it. My friend and I are working on it right now. We are working on it. So we'll just stay out of it. And it's like, but I just like, what's what her friend is in? And I was like, yeah. Like, yesterday, we never seen that. Yeah, or so. Oh, my God. She's like, yeah. But I think what she's trying to tell you, Geneva, is that you're only a terrible person and a horrible fat whore. Yeah, like, you're going to bring out the dragon. Like, that's why would you say that to your best friend? Like, how can she call you a two in the morning if you might be with a dragon? Are you like, big Khaleesi? Yeah, I've seen Game of Thrones. And those dragons just start poor people on fire. It's like you're calling Melissa poor just because she's a real estate agent now. That's not cool. Like, I don't get it. Like, why don't you say you're bringing out the dragon? Are you like in Shrek? Are you like the donkey? And like, you have a dragon who's in love with you? I just, I don't, I don't guess not cool. It's not cool. I really don't appreciate what you did because I was sitting in the car friending with my face on just because that's in the natural state. And I was worried about my parents, not like liking yesterday. And then you started talking about breathing dragons and stuff on your phone in my car. I mean, I had to read to talk when someone's driving. You know, do you remember that book, "Drophus the Dragon?" That was like a seminal book in my childhood. And for you to mention it, it makes me sad because when I was a child, my parents were mean to me. So to me, that's just trying to say listen, stay out of it. I'm friends with my friend and my friend is my friend. And I've talked to my friend and you're not my friend. And that's what it is. And then, I was like, "Oh my God, you're like horrible." And Melissa's like, "It's my friend and I care. I'm going to stick up for my friend." Because if I see someone being mean to my friend, I'm going to do this. And someone says that about my friend. I'm going to stick up for my friend and like, "Shut up, Melissa. Shut up. Please go create overboard with Goldie Han." Yeah. Melissa's like, "I'm totally going to stick up for my friend until they get cancer. And then I'm ditching them for a friend who can walk more." Because, you know, I'm a real estate agent. And I cannot just be waiting for cancer patients on the sidewalk. And I was like, "You're a good person. You're a good real estate agent and a good person." And you deserve everything. You're about that life. You're about that real estate. You're about that. So it starts exellating. Okay, now I'm actually turning into Geneva. So it starts escalating. And Geneva stands up and gets, starts getting Wesley Snipes from that princess of the desert or whatever. Priscilla Queen of the desert. So she stands up and starts getting in her face. And then Melissa stands up and almost falls over. Not because she's drunk, but because she's in heels. And then Geneva's like, "Oh, yeah. You're going to fall over? Oh, I hope you can stand, honey." And then it just became this stupid fight. I don't even know what they were talking about. What bothered me was that, like, the camera was right there. And then when things got physical, all of a sudden we saw shaky camera, shaky, shaky camera, running around. What's happening? And then we'll be sort of cut to it. And the fight was sort of like, it was already over. And I felt like, Bravo, how could the cameras not be there? So basically, Geneva has a gash on her chest. And Melissa has a gash on her head. She's like, "My career is ruined." I was like, "This is true, but it's not because of this fight." OK? It's been ruined for anything. It would have been a cut on your chest. Maybe it was that one woman play you put on in the season. But then your head is the safe zone, OK? If she really wanted to go for your jugular, she would have gone for your jugs. Your jugs are yellow. Yeah, you're quite literal jugular. And Geneva is like, my chest is wide open. They're being separated. And they're crying, et cetera. And then Geneva threw an ice bucket. I love how Geneva was explaining it, too. She's like, "This is the best part." I take responsibility for everything that I've done. And I understand that there are better ways than reacting. Everything does not require a reaction. I mean, she was yelling at me, and then I was yelling at her, and then she touched me. And then I threw an ice bucket at her head, and then she threw a glass at me. But it wasn't an attack. It was a fight. That's a fight. She gave it a saying. She's like, this was not an attack, OK? It was a fight. It was a fight. You know, and all I did was throw an ice bucket at her. And then she threw a glass at me. She's like, all I did was take out a knife. I had busted my ass to be a media powerhouse in New York City. This is not going to stop me. Oh, Lord. No, I certainly won't, mainly because it has started you either. No, you won't. The world will stop. Melissa's whining. Melissa is like hiding from the cameras, because she probably has a cut somewhere. And she-- it's crazy, then. What is over here? What does that mean? A, what's your career? Are you talking about the rental on 42nd Street that you did that terrible music in about being a hoe? Or is it the career where you don't sell any real estate, and you just give that weirdo from real house-- or the New York million dollar listing show a scene? Like, what's the career? When you sort of, like, sort of gaze at a bride during her photos and then act like you were doing a job that day? Or is it the career when you just go on, like, sad meet and greets with your fans from 10 years ago? Yeah, I know it's not your bravo career, because you know Andy's going to give her a raise. Yeah, that was a career where you don't visit your cancer friend. Yeah, that was a pretty ridiculous thing. And it was also really unfair, because I think they both called the police, which-- I think the police are kind of busy. I mean, it's New York, you know? And they both called the police, and the police came up, and Geneva doesn't talk English, right? So God knows what they thought of her. Also, her TJ Max tag is hanging out. And it wasn't even the tag. It was like the security thing that you need that special kind of pin to get out. And then Geneva gets arrested, because she thought-- she was like, how am I getting arrested when I'm no impressing charges? They're probably like, well, we have an outstanding warrant for your arrest for some handsome cab fairs that you owe, a horse in Central Park? Yeah, I don't care. You knew that the horse couldn't chase you through that hotel lobby. She's like, excuse me. I called for a cab, and it was a horse. OK, I'm not going to pay for a horse, all right? This is the modern age. We do not use horses to get around the city. I mean, what are we? Oh, yes. I told that horse not to shit on the street, and he did it. That was embarrassing. I'm not paying. That's disgusting. I am a media mogul. And this is defecating in my moggleness. I thought it was really sad, because it was unfair, because Geneva-- they were both equal. Melissa was attacking her. Melissa did stand up. They did put their hands on her first. I agree. Granted, it doesn't give her a right to do what she did. But then also, they have Arzo. It's like two against one. One's telling the police, my career is over, and my head is split open. And you're going to have to unso my weave to sew back my skin. And then you've got Arzo like, yeah, it was scary, because that girl was mean. And she came at her with a chainsaw. Like, you have two of them lying. Arzo was like, now I could really bond with yesterday, because I've been in a riot. You're like, Arzo's lives matters. So yeah, I actually thought as much shit as we are. I mean, we're totally laying onto Geneva. Arzo's lives matter. So hashtag. Hashtag. Hashtag, I can't breathe on this yacht. So no, but the thing is that, as much as we're piling on to Geneva about the ridiculousness that she's talking about, she actually was-- she was egged on. She was instigated. I mean, the whole thing, the whole controversy was bullshit, because Geneva, when she said Greg was being a bitch-ass, he was. And she was pissed off, because her friend was being ridiculous. Her friend-- her supposed best he wasn't allowing her to come to the wedding. She wasn't allowing her to come to the wedding. Wasn't allowing her to come to the photos. She was mad. Of course, you can say he was a bitch-ass and only to the dragon. And for Melissa to latch on to this thing, that she heard second hand, and she's assigned so much meaning to it, and then she's trying to make to meet her a man at Geneva. She's really, really going out of her way. And then when that fails, she goes after Geneva first. I mean, she should be the one at Rikers. And they're all nuts. I think Arzo's the worst. You can't yell fire in a movie theater, and that's what she did. She basically got these two women pitted up against each other for no reason. And say what you will about Geneva. And say what you will about Geneva. She was locked up for 24 hours over this bullshit. That's ridiculous. That is ridiculous. I actually do feel bad about her. Well, they probably just looked up her name and saw she already had something. They're not just going to let that crazy person out. One thing I noticed was that when Shanti was walking around the party, they had a lot of real Shanti moments this week, which was kind of odd because she's normally such a phony. But she had some real feelings about flawless, you guys. And they showed her looking real. And I was like, she's kind of pretty, but also looks like she's being played by Eddie Murphy. And then I thought, what a great buddy movie. Geneva and Shanti being played by Eddie Murphy and Wesley Smith's. [LAUGHTER] Doesn't that sound good? Sounds better than this entire season. So then basically as the-- So then the last 15 or 20 minutes ended with two things. One was Daisy's end of chemo, end of cancer party, where she got to eat sushi and drink champagne. And that was happy for her. That was nice because we love Daisy and we love Micah. And then I think, guess what? It was a big deal. The last 15 minutes. It was a big deal. When Geneva-- oh, not Geneva. When Tamitri was getting ready for her wedding, and she went and walked up, I was so impressed that she found a truth-telling mirror. Because normally you get mirrors that make you look thinner or whatever. But she walked up to this full-length mirror, and this fat old man stared back at her. And I was like, that mirror is amazing. And then I realized that her dad was just standing in front of it. Oh, so shady, Ronnie. So shady. It's all the cake. Did you guys get cake? We have samples from all over town. That's our cake. It's just a cobble together. It's a big sample cake. Let's basically monkey bread. This is what is-- Is that once bread is when you put together all the stuff? I don't know. Isn't it monkey bread pudding? I mean, I don't know. Cake pudding? I think monkey breads we throw in everything, into the thing, and whatever. So what I love is after a season of Demetria holding people hostage for invitations to their wedding. And by the way, Geneva didn't go because of her arrest, for some reason it meant that she couldn't throw the wedding, I don't know. But after all of this, guess who goes to the wedding? Arzo. Arzo, you check. Arzo, who-- if you called Arzo at 2 in the morning, this is what you would hear. Hi. It's Arzon. Yes, dear D. And if this is my mom, yes, dear D doesn't live here. I'm talking about yesterday. It's how we say it in America. And if it's my dad, I'm totally studying to be a doctor and looking for a penis to take care of me for the rest of my life. Peep! Where are you? You said that you would answer the phone for me at 2 in the morning, and you're not answering. I want my cake back. Yeah. Sorry, girl. I'm a hell of a dawg. Hey, girl, I'm not about that life. I'm not being woken up at 2 a.m. So the wedding was just like the classic brother wedding thing. Greg was sweating up a storm. They exchanged vows. They all sat a big, long table. Arzon? Yes, they were there. And they were both there. I can see why they bond now, because I've seen them together, and they're both in terrible jackets. Arzo's wearing some Pharrell sequined dinner jacket that he got at the thrift store. And yes, that was yesterday. And Arzo is wearing a really bad flattened rabbit fur. I was like, that's a good couple, bad coat couple. The coat check will know who you are before you even get there. They'll smell your thrift store coats coming. Yeah, exactly. And then I did love how Micah and Daisy-- I don't remember. There's someone else that was with them. I forget who. Was it maybe Shanti? I loved how they were laughing about the fact that Arzo was there. They're like, what? They're like, Arzo? They had the same-- the response that we did. And then Daisy's like, yeah, I had to slap in the face. Like cancer. Cancer slapped me in the face, but I slapped it back. I won. She did win. She was the hero of the season. I think she's an early nominee, probably, for our crappies later on this year. The crappies where people are totally honored. Yeah, I'm sure she'll be honored to make it. For those of you who are wondering. For the cancer storyline that was wrapped up in a nice bow by Finn Halley Day. That award, best cancer timing goes to Daisy. But actually, though, I'm so glad to see her being healthy. And it's crazy on Bravo having all these cancer storylines at once. And people are just like, which cancer is real? And which cancer is fake? It's actually really fun online discussion these days. Yeah. So why don't we move on to another show? Yeah. Someone got annoyed last week that a recapper was making fun of Brooks' cancer. And she's like, I can't believe you'd be like that with someone with cancer. I mean, not funny. Like, you know what? It's not the cancer we're mocking. It's Brooks. OK? Brooks would be funny with-- I can leprosy. His arm could fall off, and I would still make fun of him. All right, yes. The cancer doesn't automatically make you a good person, unfortunately, Tony. Unfortunately, darling. So what do you want to do? Marriage med or-- Oh, mother funder. Man, let's do first, because I have a feeling like the further we get, the more people are dropping out of this podcast. Yeah, so-- Well, guess what? Oh, Jin's having some problems with Nomad. So Toya's going to help. It can help with Nomad, you know? You got to-- Does she stop making enough money with no bad? So I'm going to help him, because I know how to do stuff. I'm like, what do you know how to do? She's like, uh, you know, I can get a walkie talkie, you know, and I can be like, hey, who needs an ambulance? Who needs an ambulance? I wrote prescriptions before. I told Dr. Jackie she was bad. Yeah. Hey. And she just goes to people's houses and judge them. She's like, I wrote you a prescription. It says, you're too fat. The end. The end. Hey, you know what I'm going to do for Nomad? When you show up at people's houses, I'll call them up and be like, hey, ding dong. Guess what? Eugene F came to your house. [LAUGHING] And voice him. What I should have did was I should have been part of a no bad from the grounds floor. So this episode starts with that montage, the beginning of the season montage, where everybody's just getting ready in the morning. But it's not the beginning of the season. And it's 10 minutes of watching people do stupid things and getting ready. And it also doesn't make sense. Like, one, something like Toya's talk about, like, so does everyone want to have for dinner? And then they get to, like, heavenly, be like, all right. Everyone hears beer's breakfast. Like, well, which one? At least be consistent on your montage. And heavenly feeds her children, heaping plates. Heavenly looks great. She's like, she's gotten in better shape and stuff. She's like, he's wet and from their bad times. And he's our house. [LAUGHING] I have some cream cheese and a shake. It's like, jeez. You want to talk about a diet? None of her children ate the toast. Did you notice that? Young people already know. Naturally, thin people know. They leave half of their food and their toast. Yeah. Well, you know, her daughter, Elora, is still so, so cute. And I actually really like the scene where Dr. Heavenly cleaned her daughter's teeth. I thought that was actually a really sweet, sweet, little, fun scene. I mean, it was cute. She was like, I was a mother taking care of a daughter. OK, so I was born. I guess I'm-- And then we had Dr. Simone talking to some big woman about having a baby and talking about how they do the plow and stuff and how they use their own turkey baster. Yeah, that felt fake to me. That felt like a fake scene. And then he had a quad, a quad decided. So, quads decided to hire a private investigator because Lisa-- because, hun, Lisa Nicole's going to be looking up stuff on me. I know what I'm going to do. I thought she was going to say, I'm just going to air out everything in my past. And then she will have no more powers. But instead, she's like, I'm going to hire a private investigator for her. My quad, this is not how you solve an issue. Yeah, quad ridiculous. And she's like, I'm going to find something. I don't know why she'd come against me. And then it's like, what are you going to find out? You're going to find out that her husband's had 20 affairs and that he's got a tax lane, which we find out later. And that's another marriage. By marriage, that marriage is not going to last long. So then, quad, I love. So quad goes to this diner to meet with the private investigator. And they're both wearing fedoras. She's wearing an overcoat, looking like McGrawf the crime dog. And then she's like, the pig has flown over the ocean. And she's like, what? The flapjack has done jumping jacks named Jack. And he's like, huh? The French toast has entered Germany. Someone has married the catch-ups. And those catch-ups is in notules. And what? The Monty Christo sandwich is now open-faced. [LAUGHTER] Early-run specials don't just get the worm anymore. The moon is not only over Miami, but also over Orlando. I love any time slot is on. I never know what the fuck she's talking about. And he's like, what are you talking about? And he's like, we don't do that anymore. I was like, and by the way, you don't have to use a special catchphrase when you have a camera crew that entered with you. It makes you pretty obvious who you are, investigator. I'm trying to see where we are, and it's because we're not even bothering to stick to this today, to screw it. What was the point of even riding on? I'm just going through the main stuff that I can remember. So then, as for Dr. Jackie, she has decided to organize her fat shaming into some sort of quest. And she's gone door to door with her trainer. And guess what? Guess what? You're fat, and that's time for you to lose weight. Come to mind, fat dude. I'd smack that bitch if she did that to me. Who does that to their friends? You're too fat, you're jumping jacks right now. And only the fat one did it, or the ex fat one, because I read this article about how fat-- well, it was specifically fat women, actually. I was about to say fat people, but it was about how fat women are always apologizing, which is true. And I am a fat woman, and it's true. Like, if someone slams the door in my face, I'm like, I'm sorry. Like, what? You have to be sorry because you're overweight. It's bullshit. And the only one who fell for that was the ex fat one, "Heavenly." Yeah, she's like-- OK, I'll do some-- I'll do some jumping jacks. And then I'm going to jump and jack pass you, mama. [LAUGHTER] So that was rude. That's everyone. We had-- there was also a scene of Lisa Nicole, who has now somehow found out that there's a private investigator coming for her, which, by the way, great work PI, that the subjects know that you are submitting out. Oh, did she know? I didn't realize that she knew it. Well, yeah, because the whole reason they were talking was because she was like, well, if Quad tries to come after me, oh, she's going to find it, the tax lien, which is bad. Because, you know, you didn't pay your taxes, and NASA's were married. It makes it look like I didn't pay my taxes. But we all know I had nothing to do with it, right? I had nothing to do with it. I paid all my taxes, right? Yeah, and he's like, I'm sick of talking about taxes. And she's like-- But it's 9% of everything you spend. It's the taxes. You know, and everybody knows to pay taxes, except my husband, who doesn't know anything. It could fall on me now, because now we're married. And so now it's my problem. Really, you didn't know that he had all these tax problems when he got married? Well, and also, don't act like you didn't have the tax problems, too. Like, she clearly didn't pay her taxes, too. That's what I'm saying. She had done, like, ping it on him, like, OK, you cheated. Here's your punishment. Everyone thinks you were a tax fraud, but it was me too. Yeah, at the end of the day, it was her as well. And then when they start fighting, and he's like, I'm just sick of you bringing it up. She's like, you know what I'm sick of you bringing up? Your mistress is. Like, what does he do bring up his mistress's? He's like, well, you know, thanks for this breakfast, but my mistress made it better. I'm like, who brings up their mistress to their wine? Tell me, what the hell? Shannon Boudour, so many shows up. David, David, are you here? I'm here. I'm here. David, are you going to Atlanta? I asked David not to talk about his mistress's anymore, so I'm at your house. Listen, your husband talked about his mistress's, because I'm an addict. I can't stop, David. They sent a call. I brought a tombstone for you, if you'd like to lie down. [LAUGHTER] So I think the big thing with this episode was there were countless scenes of Eugene talking to Toya, and Cecil talking to Simone about, like, hey, the girls got to stop fighting me. Oh, I got to get together, we can fix this. You got to do this. You got to do this. You guys are just hurting, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So finally, the couples get together at a golf club. Top golf, oh my god. Have you ever been to a top golf? I didn't even know what-- They're the humongous, humongous complexes, and you get on a balcony and drink $15 water down, bullshit, smear off, call Tito's or whatever, with a Tito's label on it. And then you golf into these big gaping holes. It's like the cast of Mary to Medicine just laying there, and you're just golfing at them. And then the lights come on and change all these colors, and then you leave, and it was like $100. Oh, geez. So that's where they were. Overpriced balls, it's like the whole theme of this show. Yeah. So Simone doesn't want to go in and talk to Toya, but the husbands make them. Because as married men in their 50s, late 40s, no, your friends or your wife's friends. My parents go through this too, and my dad's like, can't you just make up with her? She's like, no, I'm not going to make up with that bitch. Did you see what she-- did you see that? Look, she gave me at the country club dinner, and he's like, yeah, but I like her husband. She's like, find another friend, Eddie. Find another friend. Yeah, and that's basically what was happening here. And from the get-go, it was bad. Because Simone goes in to give her a polite hug, and she was like, well, I don't know who to want to hug. I don't want to be insincere. I don't want to be fake, you know? Like, in June, what I sure did was show up in, like, a ball. So you can't hug me, you know, like a hamster ball? You know, like in Jurassic World, you know? And she does really talk like that. And it just infuriates the hell out of Simone. Because, A, she's talking to an idiot. And then, B, she's talking to a mean idiot. I mean, you're there to make up. Your husband told you what to say in the car on the way over, and you're still like, well, you will seebiggly dice to B. But then, and then Simone's like, well, when you say seemingly, you see now, it sounds like you're saying that I was never nice at all. And she's like, that was seebiggly, B. Seebiggly is like, when you sow stuff. And, you know, I had to get my dress seebiggly when I get-- Yeah, I've got these big holes in my sweater that I put metal around. I've got big paisley metal sweater holes, because there was nobody to seebiggly by shirt. Yeah, I have these really weird moths in my house, and they make huge holes, and then they leave metal around them. It's huge. It's crazy. What I should have did was put some mothballs out. The abuse teeth start fighting, and then Simone-- I love when Simone's mad. And she's so comfortable being mad. Now, she just starts screaming and yelling at the top of her lungs, storms out of there, and her husband's following her, and she never stops screaming at it. You sent me out to fail. I'm sitting-- you're setting me out to fail. I'm sitting at bed. Yeah, I'm just like going ape shit on him. I love it. I know it was hilarious. I do wish she had been the wiser one, because Toya is stupid. Like, Toya is objectively very stupid. And Simone-- I mean, Simone was patients at first, a little bit, but she went off the handle, and I wish she could have had the clarity of thought to say, you know what? I'm dealing with a stupid person, and I can teach this woman something, but no. She's Simone, and she just went off the rails, and she-- and almost, I know rightfully so, rightfully so, but still. Wow. But I did like that. I went Simone after Toya said that she was seemingly fun, and then Simone was like, seemingly fun? Like, what does that mean? I was a fun faker. I was like a fake having fun. [LAUGHTER] It's like a day storm off. And that was pretty much the whole show, wasn't it? It was like fat shaming and stupid shaming. The end. The end. So now we have places coming on, because all this stuff is ending, and I don't think Blood, Sweat, and Hills is having a reunion, because they're all probably in lawsuits with each other. Well, we have marriage and medicine. We have OC, and then are we going to have to watch Mother Funders as a third episode? Third thing for now. So let me-- let's talk about this. But let's talk about the beginning one, at least. I mean, we should talk about something until something else comes on, even though this is a 10-hour podcast now, so we could probably do with some fewer shows. Or fewer shows, I'm talking like Toyota. So we saw the preview of Mother Funders about a month ago. And had some thoughts. I thought it was hilarious, and Ben was like, no. And so now, after you've seen the premiere episode, what do you think? Terrible. But I have to say, it's not terrible in the fun way, and here's why. I like the ladies on it. I actually really like them. I think they all seem really funny, and it's the first show in a long time where most of them seem like actual real people. They're not just fame-hungry whores trying to get on TV. This is an actual world town. These are real women. Even the one who wears eyelashes so fake that her eyelash glue looks like mascara, the main one. Even her-- you know she's real, because that we've cost $5, and she could only afford Botox on the bottom bottom or forehead. Nothing says real like that. That's not Bravo real. That's like real person. But they don't follow the ladies around. It's actually-- this is one of the first reality shows. Instead of it being, like, married to medicine, it's about the lives of the doctors and the doctors' wives. It's not about their jobs. No one wants to sit and watch people actually raise funds for a school. I know what I mean? OK, so my feelings about the show-- I mean, it's like, burn it with fire. It's just absolutely awful. I feel one of the worst things that Bravo has put out. But I think that this is down with law work with me. They're trying to be kind of like-- take a comedic tone. Like Game of Crowns, in fact. But whereas Game of Crowns sort of understood the stakes. And what was funny about Game of Crowns is that these women were really excited about really stupid things. Like a beauty pageant that didn't mean anything, but to them it meant a lot. This show does not convey that same thing through the PTO. They're trying to, where they're like these women are overly wrapped up and involved in the PTO. But I think as the audience, we just don't buy it. It doesn't feel real. And you made a good point. We're just sort of thrown into the PTO. And we're supposed to believe that it matters. And it doesn't. It just felt-- it felt annoying. It felt trivial. It felt stupid. It wasn't funny to me. The characters were not that interesting, because maybe we didn't get enough of the characters. Yeah, it's just when it's about fundraising for kids. I don't care about that. Like if it's going to be about the ladies and what they're doing-- you know, like a housewife shows knows how to make it about the ladies. And then they come together once every four episodes to fight at one of these events. OK, but it's not that. It's actually about the events. Like ER was not watching people for an hour give surgery or do surgery. It was about them fucking each other. And occasionally, there would be surgery. Well, it doesn't feel believable. I mean, you say that these women seem real. I feel like they seem very fake. And I think that their interactions at the PTO feel either scripted or egged on by producers. It doesn't-- it's just like this zero to 60 fighting between Carla and Robin. I don't know. I mean, Robin-- I know, but the one who's obsessed with her children and hates adults, I love her. She's funny. She's funny. But like, I like her. And I like the NFL vibe. I mean, I like all the ladies on it. They seem like they would be so fun if they were just allowed to be themselves. But even the other ladies on the show are laughing at the main fighting ones, because they're just-- oh, it just fights you don't care about. And they're made up fights. The main fighting ones just-- I don't know, there's like no way in. You know, like, if you compare Carla to Game of Crown's "What's Her Face," the Native American one, I forget her. You know, the one with the black hair, the crazy one? She was like the queen bee, right of that one. And like, she was like-- Oh, Vanessa? Vanessa, yeah, because there was something sort of delusion. I don't know, I felt like she sometimes believes her own bullshit. Carla, I feel like, is putting on a show for us, you know? And there's only one humanizing moment with Carla, which is when she was making dinner for her kids. But I don't know, I just thought-- I thought it was ultimately, it was boring. I can talk about all the reasons why it was boring. Yeah, I mean, I don't need to go there either. I wanted it to be so good, because as I've mentioned, my mom, Rhonda, is an old junior league gal and was very involved in all the school boards and all that shit. And listen, none of it was talking about a centerpiece with glued-on feathers or any of that shit. It was like, did you hear when Bonnie stood up today and offered to make cookies for the entire class? What a bitch. You know she was just doing that so that she could look better than me. And then it would become this huge fight. And all the women are sitting around with boxes of frenzy and just getting shit-faced at three in the afternoon, talking crap about each other. I mean, that's where I learned how to be a homosexual telling. And not a homosexual, but fabulous. And I just wanted it to be that. This is actually about poor people hot-glue-gunning stuff to things. I don't know, I don't like it. And then women got lanyards made. And their breast cancer-- let's get lanyards made. And it'll be of someone that you know who either died of breast cancer or survived it. And it'll be called hope, change, and courage. I'm like, this is not the Obama campaign, first of all. But then she got all these things. And Carlos was like, rip those off of people's necks. I don't want those. No one wants to think of a bunch of dead breast cancer people during my event. There's parts of it where I thought, this could be really good. But I think right now, it's kind of maybe trying to hard. It's just-- it's trying to hard, because I keep on comparing it to Game of Crowns, because they are in the same milieu. They're sort of like comedic focused on women who-- The Game of Crowns doesn't know it's funny. I don't think that they knew that it was funny. This one, they're like, let's make a comedy reality show. Yeah. I feel like Game of Crowns, there was the first episode. There was a giant meltdown, because two of them wore the same jumpsuit to Tucson. And it was absolutely hilarious. It was like, I can't believe I'm watching this. It's amazing. And you could imagine there probably was a scene, and there probably were scenes I can't remember. Well, there was. When Lynn was having her wedding, she was trying to do the decorations, and she's flipping out. And it's hilarious. But when we see the meltdown over the minutiae here in this show, it just feels forced. I don't know. Yeah, it's kind of forced. It's trying too hard. But-- And watch this one. And watch this one have amazing ratings. And we're going to be stuck with it for like five seasons, whereas the gems, like Game of Crowns, Secrets and Wives and Princesses and Gallery Girls, go off to pasture, year after year. Well, we don't watch-- Well, you know, we won't be forced to do anything. First of all, it's the first show that people are begging us not to cover. So it's one of the first that people are actually riding us. Like, please don't cover that. But we don't have to cover it. Part of the fun of doing this show is loving to hate things. And it's not fun if you don't love to hate it. I mean, I hate the shots of sunset. I hate it. I hate them. But it's really fun to hate it. This one is just like-- I don't know, I feel awkward, because I actually do like the women. That Robin girl, I think, is funny. And she's nice to us on Twitter and stuff. And I'm like, see, this wouldn't be fine. But I just don't like it. I don't know. Maybe she can get another chance on something else. You know, we have-- there are a lot of shows. We'll figure out-- we'll still be doing OC on Mondays. And I'm sorry, OC on Tuesdays and marriage medicine. You know, it's fine. We can even just do two shows for now. And then we'll have-- you know, Shaz is about to end. I don't even know what's going to take Shaz's place on this. Something will be coming up next week, I'm sure, won't it? But if there's anything that we can talk for 90 minutes about two shows, so don't-- everyone don't worry, we'll fill gaps in with gossip, et cetera. And if you guys like this show and you're arguing, you know, you have an argument, please give it to us. I will keep watching the show, actually, at least for the next couple episodes, because I know what it can be. I know it in that life. I know what it can be. So hopefully-- It gets good. And the first one or two episodes of Vanderpump Rules when it premiered, I detested it. And I was like, this is terrible. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. And now look. I mean, there's pretty much everything I've ever watched for this show except the housewives. Everything we've ever turned on, I've hated. I mean, Vanderpump Rules, I was like, why do I want to watch Waiters? Below deck, I was like, why do I want to watch Waiters on a boat? Every show, it seems like, that comes out. I'm not into it. But then I fall in love, you know? It's like when you date a homely poor person, at first of all, how could I be doing this? But then eventually, you're like, oh, I like them now, you know? Free cake. It's a big deal. Yeah. Who knows? Maybe it'll be good. Here's what I do now. I'm tired. We've been talking for three damn hours today. Yes. This is over a long bonus episode. OK, we are done. Drop the mic. And I love that part in the preview where Robin is giving a speech at something with a huge check. And she's like, will you take this check for me right now? And she has a check. And then just throws the mic down. So there might be some goodness in this show. I'll watch. I'll watch. Yeah. But anyway, for those of you still with us, thank you so much for standing with us. And thanks for everything you do for us. This has been a really fun ride on this show. We'd love to continue it with you. If you want to talk to us and other listeners, our Google Hangout is this Thursday. So that's for subscribers. And we've actually got a pretty good setup this time. So we'll be able to video chat with, I think, eight people at a time and also talk to everybody who's watching instead of it just being like eight people first come for a serve. Yeah. And don't worry. I'll tell you later. I already tell you. What's the setup? What's the setup? It works. Does it Google Hangout? It's Google Hangout, but it's done through something called Crowd-- no, it's not Crowdcast. It maybe it is Crowdcast. And it's basically they embed the player. And then they have a big chat section and comment section. So we can all be there and talk at the same time. So people will have a link to get on camera. And they'll have a link to just watch. But anyway, that's this week. The ringers will be up this week. We've got some good Shannon B. Doers coming and some celebration of the Real Housewives of the OC for this month's iPhone ringers. And you can find all of our personal follow links on watchrockcrapins.com. And what else, Ben, Facebook.com/watchrockcrapins to talk with us during the week for Live Show Threads, which have been golden. And to support us, go to patreon.com/watchrockcrapins. That's patreon.com/watchrockcrapins. We will be-- those are full episodes now, basically, those bonuses. Well, we're-- they're just-- we just had stuff to talk about, a lot of stuff to talk about today. But we-- they won't always be an hour. You know, the show, anywhere between half an hour and five, we'll be somewhere in there. Come on, computer, turn back on, mouse. Don't be-- oh, my god. It's both my mouse and my keyboard. Oh, we'll see. I'm going to go get batteries. So that's what all happened to me the rest of the day. And for everybody else, thank you so much. Appreciate you guys being with us. Love you. Love you. Bye. Bye. It might automatically-- it might automatically shut up once I hang up. No. I don't think it will. I'm changing the batteries from my tripod to my mouse. Why are you so eager to hang up all the time? You're like, bye, my god. Darling, darling, if you want to talk about personal things, what-- don't you want to talk about what my feelings are about things, you know, just general things? Of course. Let's talk about dollar store batteries, darling. I have feelings. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore, because it's here, and it's funny, and I love you. To the insurance company that's spurned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting Geico. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast, not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tiers you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to Geico. Sincerely, not yours, Tara, in Telluride. Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watch what Crap is, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. 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