Is it just me or is TV gotten really complicated? Thankfully, Fylo has changed that for me, one service, all the stuff I need. Fylo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss. Live on networks like A&E, Paramount, Discovery, and TLC. Classics like The Office, Martin, and Friends that I never get sick of, and all the incredible originals on AMC+ from Mad Men Hello to Orphan Black. And don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and re-watch any time for a whole year. Never miss a minute of shows like The Golden Girls, you know I'm always watching The Golden Girls, and Fylo has it. Best of all, with Fylo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contract, no hassles. Just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Fylo.tv and check it out for a free seven-day trial. That's p-h-i-l-o.tv to start watching. Unlock your imagination with Audible. 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Finally, I've always wondered, she has so many jobs. How does she relax? She lays down on a sun chair with a curly straw, and she puts a hat on her head so she can't see anything but the hat rim. That's it. She just hides her face, you guys. Do you know how I know that? Because I have next issue, thank you very much, and I'm reading it right here on the Oprah Magazine, hat on face. Alright, don't argue with a hat on the face. You guys, check out next issue. Go to nextissue.com/crapins, okay? To get deeper to the things that interest us, we turn to tried and true sources. Sports Illustrated, Time Esquire, Vogue, Bon Appétit, Oprah, Oh Magazine, Wired, and so on. We all need and want the best content. The next issue app brings you the very best in stories, news, photos, and more. Enjoy immediate unlimited access to the world's top magazines on your tablet and phone. Get your sports entertainment, health, politics, travel, hat nap, whatever else fix, wherever you are. 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Unless magazines and content for the price of two issues that a new stand, it can be used on as many as five phones at one time, so you don't have to buy it like a separate one for everyone in your family. You guys get over there, get your free 30-day trial at nextissue.com/crapins. Now, and discover that the app gives you all the articles and stories to fit all your interests. That's over a $15 savings. Nextissue.com/crapins. And you know what? If I don't see a bunch of people taking maps in the middle of the sidewalk with a hat over their face, I will know that you didn't even bother listening to this ad. What Crapins Podcasts. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karim from Trash Talk TV. And joining me as usual is the lovely, beautiful, talented, thin, game-playing, hair combing, Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. Hi there. I just love hair combing. Well, you've got hair. You know, that's a huge thing. Enjoy it, comb it! Thank you. Thank you so much for coming on to patreon.com/watchwhatcrapins and supporting us. You have changed our lives in a very short time. This is actually true. Yeah, it actually is true. So thank you so much. We can watch so much more Bravo now. We can just talk about Bravo for nine hours a week now. So thank you guys so much. If you're not supporting and you want bonus episodes, ringtones, Google Hangouts, blah, blah, all that good stuff, come to patreon.com/watchwhatcrapins and check out the plans over there. They're all reasonable. You can go on to our Facebook and all that good stuff, facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins. That's where other listeners and us gather to talk shit about the shows. We have live show threads and stuff like that. That is some funny shit. We'll be reading through that throughout the day. You can follow us on Twitter. Sorry Ben, go ahead. Oh, I was going to say one of the advantages of liking our Facebook page or going to it, is that you always will know when the new episode of Watch or Crapins is up. Because something that's been happening recently is that there's been a lag between when we've posted the podcast on SoundCloud versus when it actually appears on iTunes. And we get a lot of people who are like, "When is it going to be on iTunes? When is it going to be on iTunes?" And there are technical things happening that are sort of out of our control pertaining to RSS feeds and who knows what. But if you come to Facebook, the Facebook page, we will always post. We'll say the podcast is up. And you may not be able to access it on iTunes, but if you go to SoundCloud for instance, you can access it there. And we will always have a link to the SoundCloud thing. So you can listen directly from your web browser or if you download the SoundCloud app. And I'm not saying this to Hawk SoundCloud. I'm just saying this as a way to make it easier for you. You can listen to it via the SoundCloud app. Don't pop up your browser and start playing it. Yeah. So if you don't feel like waiting until the next morning, because lately, iTunes has really had a 12 or 15 hour delay, just download the SoundCloud app or just go to our SoundCloud thing, just listen directly from there. It's still the same podcast. Same podcast you soon. Yeah. So and if you do it on the fun part about listening via Facebook, because you get to see everyone's comments, which is always fun. Yeah, I love the comments. So everybody, thanks for everything you're doing for us. We really appreciate it. If you want to find, follow us personally on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Grind or whatever, the hell, Periscope, whatever, just go to watch what Crapins.com. All our links are listed there. Not much else. Basically, just a bunch of links to where you can find a bunch of crap, but go over there and check it out. Periscope is fun. I'm looking forward to doing some things with that. Ronnie did something really, Ronnie got drunk over the past weekend and did like a drunken Periscope broadcast from the middle of West Hollywood, which was hilarious. I was mortified, but I've never really, I mean, I've tried it and then I just turned it off. And so I was drunk enough that I didn't care. I was like, I'll just do it. And it was so fun, because I guess if you guys don't know what Periscope is, is this live streaming app and webcam. Yeah, it's kind of like a webcam wherever you are. And you just, you can talk to whoever's on it and ask questions and they talk back to you, blah, blah. So I was doing it. And so many people from here from the podcast came on and we're talking shit with me. I had so much fun. And then I was mortified the next day because I didn't realize that it keeps a copy in there for a couple of days. So I thought that was just, you know, like a drunken night and it's done. But no, I woke up to people being like, Oh, really, you shaved your mat? So let's talk about that. It's like, Oh, no. I was embarrassed because my friend, he, he did something from like the Jurassic world premiere or something like that. And so I was watching it and I'm like still knew it. So I was like, I know you can send hearts like, how do you do like hearts is like the equivalent of love of liking something. So it's like, how do I do this? So I was like trying to do it. I was like, am I doing it? Am I sending hearts to whatever? The next day I went back to look at, to look at his things more, because I only watched like a little bit. I'm like, let me see some more of it. And then I looked and said, who were the viewers? I was like, Oh, there I am. And it says like Ben Mandelker like 57 hearts. I was like, Oh my God. It like, like, it like announces how many hearts you've given. I was so mortified. I was like, please, so good. Well, on my own scope, it said Ben Mandelker zero heart. So thanks, Ben. Thanks for saving them off your other frame. Oh, I got two hearts beating for just one broadcast. Yeah, I did. I did my first periscope thing last night on my account. And it was me doing like the prep work to make some salmon. They had like 13. Actually, a total of 40 people came on. The stat said it was a retention rate of 28%. So I was really you never know what people are watching on there. They I've said the most people have ever watched me is when I just put it on my dog. I think they'll start doing periscopes for the podcast and just do like pick a show that we're just going to do once a week and just watch a show, you know, and talk to people while the show's going on because, you know, I love watching TV with other people. Yeah, well, and like I said, on Tuesday, I want to do the shut up mountain board game. And we're going to get some people because each of us will control to house wise where the game works that each of us will you control two players. But in this case, there'll be two housewives going up the mountain. We can get a total of five players, which means we can have 10 housewives climbing shut up mountain. And we're going to see and we'll put on the hardest setting. So that way a bunch of them die. And we will see who serve who survives and we'll broadcast the entire thing on periscope. It'll probably be like 90 minutes or so. But I don't like the awful people who survive. It'll be like the game of crowns cast at the top of the mountain. I know who's going to be on shut up mountain. Well, obviously Jill's Aaron can't even play it because she's already like the face of shut up mountain. They're going to be the sheriff's face. She's the Sherpa. She's the Sherpa who needs everyone up. All right. So we get onto the show bin. We've had enough of not topics. Cold topics topics. No one's talking about. Let's talk about my. Let's talk about my 13 viewers on Paris. Kate Lynn Jenner. What do you guys think? Hey, I've got an uber code. Is anyone an uber code or a lift code? If you want some $200 that you just hit me up. A friend of mine got molested by a lift driver by the way this week. So be careful in those lifts. Take Uber. Was she the one who posted that thing about being driven to Gardenia? No, but that's a friend of a friend because in that friend sent us all an email like this just happened to my other friend. And I'm like, what is up with lift drivers? Is that like the new dating service for old ugly people? They're like, I'll just get in the lift at two in the morning on a Saturday and feel some boobs. It's kind of funny because first of all, I've never molested any of my passengers. And I've only had I think like two hot people ever. Really? Do you have people just not take lift? Sometimes. Sometimes. I had there was this one guy. He's you know, um, Simon Cowell's ex wife who's not Terry, whatever, who's now on extra. Terry, what's your face? No. So her like baby daddy was, I drove him and he's a he's a British male model. So he was hot. Are we think of British men at being bad as sex? Is that that's not very nice, right? Are you're a British man? Prove me wrong. Get your periscope out. I'm just kidding. Well, imagine them all being like Hugh Grant, like just play their hand. Well, you know, if you'd like, I would insert here and I mean, I don't have to insert. We can do a talk about things. I just don't know. We can. They're all like Hugh Grant. They're all late for funerals and weddings all the time. Though it's going up. There's always going up mountainsides and coming down with goats or whatever. English men who went up the mountainside and came down with a goat. So I'm warning everybody early that my notes are a little scribblier than usual because or more scribbly. I don't know what the proper grammar is for that, but I took a couple of time in all pms last night because I wasn't sleeping very well and I watched these shows and my mouth was open and drool was coming out of one side. But I wrote I wrote a lot of notes. So let's I wrote what's going to happen to I wrote a lot of notes. I did not write any notes on Shaw's. I forgot. Oh, it's okay. Oh, you don't even need that many notes for that. I'm just going to yell for an hour once we get to Shaw's. I know it's something with a Bentley. Okay, so why don't we start with the Krusty Bentley? Well, I can say that. Well, I'll get to this when we get to Shaw's. But let's start with New York City. Real House is New York. This, by the way, this season killing it for me. I am loving it. I am just I think I probably have said this the past three weeks in a row, but I still I am feeling it. I am feeling real house as a New York City. It is so entertaining to me. I feel like they're not really trying too hard. Most most of my problems with these shows are when they just try too hard and they start fights over stupid things. Yeah. And these ladies have house wives present. You know, when people say you've got stage presence kid, like they're just very comfortable. They don't feel the need to start shit because they're all crazy enough that it's kind of real to them. Like they're neuroses and stuff. Oh, real. We're living in the real times. They're also like like perfectly alpha. Like they're they truly are alpha women and they're all they actually are all smart, even though we give shit to Sonya or even to Kristen. I actually do think these women are like a base level of intelligence that's like way higher than several of the other franchises. You know, I think that combination of like of like independence and alpha nests and intelligence makes for these women who like don't take any bullshit or will just speak their mind and you get like genuine conflict. And that's why they have great housewives, whatever presence you said. You got presence. I like that reality TV has become so ubiquitous that now people are finally getting a getting comfortable enough that it's really real now. Yeah, like they're just used to all the cameras and stuff being there and they can live like real people. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I don't know why I'm saying any of this is real. Well, you know, that's why. Well, this week's episode started, you know, picked up where the previous episode began because we had a cliffhanger where to be continued previously on the real housewives. Heather and Bethany got into this like drunken fight at a written does birthday party. And it was like the music was all tense. And it was like, what's gonna happen between between these two women? Well, when we started up this episode, it was almost as if the editors had forgotten that there was like a tense fight happening because they the music changed. It wasn't tense music. It was, you know, that the real housewives of New York City bassoon of stupidity was that bassoon that's like, doo doo doo doo. You know, that piece of the play is like, I can't even do it. It's that same music they use for is that fat john gonna fuck the cigarette girl? Yeah, it's like the Humpty Dumpty bassoon that plays whenever the women are doing something silly or Ramona's talking about something dumb. It's called the fat sweaty John music there. Okay. What? It's my third time. This is it. It's like Rocky and Bullwinkle music. So it starts playing and we're like, okay, I guess this fight must be ending soon then because the editors aren't taking it seriously anymore. And sure enough, like the big cliffhanger that we were waiting for was Bethany coming up to Heather and be like, you know what, I want to give you a hug. I want to give you a hug. You know what, I just like, I'm sorry. I have a wall. This is me. It's not you. I just, you know what, I genuinely like you. I like, I like you. I mean, I like you. Like shoot me right now. I mean, I like you. But it's just, I have a wall. I can't talk about this right now. I just want to give you a hug. I just want to be closed. I want to be closed. Okay. I'm Michael Mervins on a Sunday at 11 p.m. closed. All right. Sit there. Tapping your fingers on the door. Sing open, open, open until I open until then I'm closed. I just want to be close. I'm going to drink a skinny girl with some skinny girl. Smart pop and be close. I don't want to talk about myself. Skinny girl. I'm taking a skinny girl's allium right now. Okay. So I can just be out of you. Okay. So that's needs level of privacy. I just want to be closed. I've got therapy on camera in a couple of seconds. And then I'm going to go tell a cousin how he raped and murdered my first ham stone on camera. It's like, what kind of privacy are you looking for? I know you just don't want to be bothered by Heather. All right. Join the rest of us, darling. We're an army. We're a closed army. And Heather, of course, has like the worst interpersonal skills because instead of like recognizing that this is Bethany's weird way of reaching out, Heather's just kind of like, okay. Well, mama, then I'm here. It's on you. You have to reach out to me, mama. Like, okay, you're forgiven, mama. Okay. But that's it. Hala. I'm like, no, you're supposed to say it with that. I totally understand big plastic smiles. He's like, well, I don't know how to take this. So you just be closed. Enjoy being closed. I'm looking inside of you right now. And the lights are all off. So I'm assuming you're closed. My husband will probably get out of the car anyway and try and jiggle the door and I'll be yelling from the front seat. It's closed. But he'll still try because that's how he is. Heather's husband kills me when Heather's sitting there crying and Bethany's like, oh, clothes. The husband's like, happy birthday. You know what? Nobody means your sad ass happy birthday song like her birthday is probably depressing enough. All right. She's lost her first two men. She's next to fat sweaty john who smells like waitress. She doesn't need a sad, you know, happy birthday song to Jesus change the subject with your height. You know, change it with something else, not a sad happy birthday song on someone's birthday, poor Derinda. I know the whole thing was sort of like crazy. It kind of reminded me of the possessed dinner party from Beetlejuice. You know, it's like, I expected everyone to stand up and start going, day, day. You know, everything was like weird colors in there. A lot of people, everyone was strange. But the funny thing is that Heather sits down immediately. And then she's like, wow, that was weird. And Bethany's like, I'm right here. I can hear you. I can still hear. Yeah, Bethany's just still trying to start a fight. And Heather's like, I don't know what you're talking about, but I'll try and accept that. And Bethany says, look, it's not that I don't like her. I just feel like she's inside me. You know, she's inside me. The last thing that was inside me was a peanut. It didn't end well. All right, it didn't end well. Get off my jock. Get off. But I mean, Heather was big. I mean, like, they just reached this like fake truce. And then Heather sits down and is like, wow, fuck her like right in front of Bethany. Just like, what are you thinking? You're such a crazy woman. I didn't think that's true. But in her defense, Bethany did say, oh, I just wanted to get it over with. I just said, sorry. So it could just be over. I could pretend it was done. Yeah, it was totally well. And what was funny is in the middle of this, then the camera cuts to Ramona, which is the new thing this season. Well, maybe it's every season. Every now and then, they'll just cut to Ramona trying to talk just to describe something like a few episodes ago when she was at a party. She's like, is this tuna? It looks like tuna. I think it's tuna. And then she eats it. It's tuna. Remember that? So this time, she's like, she starts describing a sponge cake and she starts making this weird, like plowing motion with her hands. She's like, you know, I think I want one of those, you know, one of those, you know, those rolling, rolling sponge, you know, sponge cake. You want a sponge cake that was like what you was rolling? It's like, you know, they roll it up. They roll up the sponge cake. And then they just cut away from her. I just love it. It's like a little detail that takes us to the world of Ramona. The camera used to be on me because I was doing weird things. I was being mean to somebody, but now I'm a different person. So when the camera's on me, I'm just talking about tuna or appetizers or, you know, my new restaurant or whatever, I knew, I knew, I mean, tuna, it's new. Whoa, you know, what's really weird about this dessert? It reminds me, it reminds me, okay, right now. Okay, it reminds me of when I was a child. Okay. My mother always used to like to make she cake. All right. And then one time, one time Geraldine Parsons Smith came over and was like, hey, give me a slice that she cake. And I said, no, no, this is from me and my mother. And Geraldine Parsons said, no, you either give that to me or otherwise I'm going to throw it on the ground. And so my mother, my mother threw a piece of spaghetti right in her face. And she still took a piece of she cake. So from that moment on, I only want my cake to be rolled up. Okay. Hey, they didn't have to be rolled up in a roulette. Okay. That's the only way Turkey also in a roulette. Okay. I don't think Ramona will know what a roulette is. That word is too fancy for Ramona. So then we get to all the ladies are looking basically looking at Bethany like she's insane because Bethany is acting insane. Like, it's really fun for TV and I'm loving it. But she's acting cray-cray prescriptions. So everybody's looking at her like she's crazy. And the husband is like, well, happy birthday to Durinda. Happy birthday to Durinda. And Durinda's like, I don't care if it's my birthday, Mr. Jet said, you know, you turn 10. And then it's all downhill from there. Who wants to make a sandwich? We're all in our 40s. We could do it if we want to. Who wants to make a sandwich sandwich brought open? Mr. Jetson. But they sandwich Mr. Jetson. Then Luann went and did a costume change so that she could make a speech because she needs to wear like 20 outfits. Well, what was funny was how, I thought it was funny how like Heather, like the women, half the women like just retired to the living room to have basically talk shit about Bethany. And like all of a sudden the dinner was just completely, you know, cut in half. Like because half of them were in the corner and be like, I just don't know. I don't know if the deal with Bethany. It's like a word for like, I don't know what's happening. I like, I just want to help. I just want to help her. I guess if she doesn't want my help, that's fine. But like then, fine. She's not going to get any help. Fine then. No help from me. Yeah, everyone's just begging for your help. Next time she gets a cut, guess who's going to wait to see who else pulls out Neasporin before I do. Okay, it's not going to be me first. I'll still give it to her if no one else has it in their purse. But otherwise she can wait. She can wait for that Neasporin. It's like no one is sitting there waiting for a band aid from you, Heather. Cut it out. I know. I know. I know. I like the speeches. Luann's speech. Durinda darling. You know, I loved Durinda. When I first saw her, it was a chemical attraction, a physical attraction. Everyone's like, whoa, did you meet in the hallway at the sex club? Like, what the hell? Oh, I just loved her. It's true. Isn't it, Durinda? And John, we don't really know much about you. Except that you're just, you know, fat and undesirable and little too handsy and like making sandwiches with Kristen. But other than that, we just really don't know much about you. But we'll give you a chance and then everybody shouts her down. And then Ramona. I thought that speech couldn't be taught, but then Ramona's speech, the fakest voice ever. You know why I'd love you to rent that? Because you genuinely win. It's like the least way, the least genuine way to call someone genuine. I love this show. We're never going to get past the first five minutes. And then Bethany's toast, like the typical. And then Bethany's also, by the way, says this 30 times in this episode. She's like, all right, all right, here's my test. Look, I don't know you. I don't know you. I don't know him. I don't know the waiter. I don't know anybody here. I don't even know where you got this rug. Where'd you get this rug? I don't know. I don't know who cares. But you know, cheers, because I have products and a line and a door to thank you. Hey, you know what? I just want to say cheers, because you have shellfish here. And you know what? I can only shellfish. I can't I can't fish. You know what? If I have fish, it's like I die like literally like kill me right now. Because I'm going to die over the fish. Okay. So cheers to the fish who everyone else can eat fish. I can eat fish. All right. Fine. Okay. Bye. Thank you. I'm Heather. Well, I guess somebody doesn't, you know, feel afraid of attention anymore, because people who are afraid of attention don't give speeches. It's like bitch, she just doesn't want to talk about her personal life. She's allowed to it's not like she's going to be like Sarah playing in tall sitting in the corner. Okay, she can still talk. Sarah playing in tall. Would that be awesome if Glenn Close was in this as Sarah playing in tall sitting in the corner? Okay, Bethany Cloud and Sharp. She got attention. And then Bethany realizes, I don't think I'm a good guest. Okay. So Heather doesn't who doesn't understand what wall up means? I wrote doesn't understand what wall up means. Because someone was like, what does a wall up? What does it mean you want to wall up? And Heather's like, yeah, well, who was it Ramona? They're like, what is it a wall? And someone's like, yeah, she just likes her walls. You know, she wants walls. So you know, you know what a wall like they hold up, they hold up roofs. But you know, or like when you're going into a garage and a wall comes up and your car can't go in, she doesn't want car in garages. She wants a wall. Like a garage that show. It's like, you know, when you go to the mall at seven p.m. and you want to go into a store and there's like grading that's down. That's what she has, except it's up. Avery's back. This scene was so cute. I don't know how Ramona and Mario raised such a normal nice, nice girl. I think you skipped something. What did I skip? And way back, no longer cut off. Were you trying to go away to remember what I forgot? You know what it was? I thought you were talking about a different scene. And I realized you're just talking about when Avery gets off the plane with right or shows up and everything in there in the taxi cab. So and you know what, you did not skip anything. I guess I didn't. I guess that was just one little thing. I'm just writing down every single detail that's all right. So the next thing that happened, the next thing that happened is that Bethany had a brand summit, which I actually thought was pretty cool. I mean, she had a lot of people there and it was not like fake. They were all they're all like busy, important people talking business talk and I was talking about indexes and other real sales people because A, they're homely and B, not that all salespeople are homely. I just mean like real people and not actors. And also they say things like, um, well, I was selling a skinny girl product and somebody asked me about the oatmeal bars and I didn't have the information. I just need the information. I was like, okay, that's a real person because most people wouldn't care. Well, none of them had microphones, which also meant that they were like not worth enough to be like miked. And therefore that meant that there were real professionals. What information do you need? It's a skinny girl granola bar. Okay, it's a granola bar, but for skinny people, like just just go with that sales person. Do you need me to write you a fucking monologue for every product? I know. And there is one guy who was talking just in crazy jargon. He was like, well, the index of our of our margins and the blah, blah, blah. I can't, I honestly can't even emulate the jargon he was saying because it was so jargony. But the best was that in the middle of this, Sonya shows up, which I can only imagine that Bethany was furious that the producers made her invite Sonya to her brand summit. So Sonya shows up like 30 minutes late smelling like mothballs and like like her boyfriend's gum that still in her hair. She's like handing out, she's like handing out where there's originals to the table. One thing I've learned is businessman love candy. She's like, when does the burlesque act start? I know I learned this in Abu Dhabi. You want to make a sale? Give them candy first works every time. So she's sitting up there and Sonya looks, looks the way I would, which is totally intimidated and out of her leash. She's like, what the fuck? I thought I was going to chipriani's which to be fair, she always thinks she's going to chipriani's every week. She's always like, Oh, we're going, we're going to count. And I thought we're going to chipriani's. Okay. All right. That's fine. Sonya. I thought brand summit was a restaurant. I didn't know it was a real thing with a bunch of things on a table. I mean, this is amazing. Look at all these people. None of them are Indian, not one of them. Do you know where your things are being released? They've told you they've given you store names. So what is this? It's a mysterious meeting is what it is. Poor son. She's like, I had no idea about this. This is going to be a full brand summit. I must have missed the email. Well, you know, computer number three is down pickles. These are the oldest interns I've ever seen in my life. Good for you, Bethany with old people interns. Good for you. Those are hard to come by. There are so many people here. There must be like computers four, five and six, too. I'll have pickles. I'll have pickles. Write this up. Pickles. Bring in your crayons and sit in the corner. It's a brand summit. I know. I thought it was a restaurant, too. She's like, I'm sorry. I thought this. I thought they'd be a serial service. I thought you said it was a brand summit. I didn't realize the brand. I know. I'm like, I'm so excited. I've been so excited. Bethany kind of throws her under the bus when she says, Hey, oh, Sonya, you want to talk? Do you want to say something? You want to talk? Because Sonya is not going to be able to talk. Sonya is just like, so when you guys are packaging dresses in Ziplocs, what kind of tape do you enjoy for the audience specification of brand summiting? I'm like, Oh, no. She's like, if I am going to be talking about royalties and margins and indexes, furthermore, therefore, paper clips versus bull clips. Where do we stand on the issue in terms of annuity and efficiency? She's telling Bethany. Oh, Bethany, thank you so much for bringing me here. I mean, this was like, I felt like I went to college and didn't have to give anyone a blow job for an A. Thank you so much. By the way, are there any people I can give blow jobs for an A? So, so then we went back and we saw some more of Ramona with Avery. And really, the only thing that was that was important to me in all this was not that Avery is now talking with her dad and dah, dah, dah, dah. The only thing that was important to me is that Ramona has now claimed a color for herself. And you know the blue that she's getting that from was stolen from somebody, right? It's like I was just getting out of my car and the stress fell well with the trunk and it was blue. And I thought it's meant to be it's Ramona blue from Ramona. She's going to sue the sky next year. You know, excuse me, that's a variation on Ramona blue. Okay. A lot of people don't know if there's a god or not, but I'm going to find out because I'm going to subpoena his ass and I'm going to take back my color. Nobody steals Ramona blue. My favorite, my favorite level, my sorry, my favorite thing about going to Dorinda's house that all the walls are painted Ramona blue. Okay. We're calling this Ramona blue stone man. I love the conversation with Avery. She's like, so Avery, what have you been doing? I've missed you so much. It's been so lonely. And Avery's like, I've been studying and doing papers and I can't go to dinner because I have a paper because I was going to do it on the plane. But there was this really cute guy and he wanted to talk about tutoring. Ramona's like, did you get his number? Does he have a job? What's his family like? And Avery's like, I'm not living in the world just to fuck a rich guy. Ramona's like, okay. You know what? You know what? Smart. Smart. That confused blank look that Ramona gives when she's just blinking, like rapidly blinking like a robot. She's just not sure what she's even supposed to say to that. Well, as your father told me, okay, I don't want to talk about your father. As your father told me that he's trying to get into my pants. She's like, Mom, I don't want to talk about it. Well, has he, has he told you that I brought a mustard packets from the store? Because I did. I thought of him, but I wasn't really thinking of him. I thought maybe, you know, just extra, but he was here. Did he tell you who was here? Mom, I don't want to talk about it. Me neither. Me neither. Did your father talk about me? Does your father ever try and sit down and pretend it's my hand instead of the couch? I love when he does that Mario. You know, Avery, you know what? Sometimes you just have to be quiet for a second and say, everything's going to be okay. Okay. Okay. Next up, we're up to Carol joining a meeting, right? Yeah. Well, now is like, this is like career women's central episode. So the big news is that Kristen is going to be doing nail polish now, because one of Josh's like connections wants to do something with Kristen wants to do nail, nail polish. So she sort of stumbled into it. And so now she's doing nail polish. That explosion scene was amazing. Okay, it was like five seconds long. And she's like, Josh came home and he was at this business meeting. And they said, you know, we've got some, you know, we've got some business opportunity. And he's like, well, Kristen loves nail polish. And they're like, perfect. And then he told me and I was like, I love nail polish. Oh, God. I mean, I don't know how she's gonna have time to do this, but with that blog and all. I mean, that's a big, that's a big deal. Blogging, sorry, you guys, keeping up with WordPress updates, no small fee trust. Just install a plug in like every six months. Okay, there's no time for nail polish. So she brings Carol to her brand summit, because Carol's a writer. Yeah, yeah, because she, well, they're coming up with names for the nail polish for pop of color name nail polish. And Carol's like, well, sex cells. So let's name a nail polish thrust and slide name. I want to name nail polish about things that people find sexual like toddlers or rattles. I have this. Let's let's me. Let's name this nail polish AIDS. Okay. Because that's your sex. Let's name this nail polish. Changing is diaper because you love him. Let's call this one statutory. Let's call this one. If he's old enough to farm honey and Nicaragua, he's old enough to farm dry honey out of my dicaragua. Let's call this one. Fuck off, Luann. Let's call this one fucking somebody on Luann's payroll. Let's call this one. Let's play ping pong and leave all the balls at once. Leave all the balls on the floor and so bad. So yeah, her actual names are even worse than ours. She's like dangler. No, it's really, it's like really thrust and slide. Those were two of her suggestions, thrust and slide. I can almost see thrust, but slide. I mean, that makes first of all, out of context, people are going to be like slide, like what? Like going down like a slide? This action park in a fingernail? Oh, I read a lot of hate for Carol on the internets and Twitter and all. I mean, I guess really if you look for it, you could find hate about any of the housewives, but I just really have always liked Carol. Oh, I love Carol. Well, not very nice to her, but I just think she's so funny and she's so anti-housewives in so many ways. Like this scene where she's saying, well, I was going to do a nail polish and I was real excited about it. But then you know, Kristen decided to do one. So that's okay. She can have all of my work. What kind of housewife are you? Normally this would be a five season feud, you know? Yeah, well, because she's already successful as an author, that's why. So she doesn't give a shit. But you know what though, I like Carol quite a bit. I think she's funny. I think she's smart. This season, she's gotten a little annoying with some of her comments about like, if she knew she was going to be this hot, whatever she would have been a model or some of her stuff is like her. She's like overly coy. Like, what me? Like, oh, yeah, she's desperate to not be 60 for sure. You know what though? But you know what though? I actually don't mind any of it, even though we make fun of it because like you have to make fun of it on the podcast. But truth be told, it doesn't bother me at all. And I think she's great. Also, it's fun to make fun of it because as men, we see this with our own friends or dads, whatever, the middle age crisis thing. So I really like when women go through it too. And they think like, everybody's going to be jealous, you're screwing a 20 year old. I mean, look, everybody is jealous that you're screwing a 20 year old the night that you're screwing him, but they're not jealous the next day when they see you, you know, like trying to play ping pong and stuff in a bra. Like, yeah. So I'm glad that it's kind of equal to that with men and women. Yeah, good for you. I'm for it. That's called feminism. Radsy. Hey, mama. Thank you for you. When there can be as much of a whores a man and get away with it on national TV, feminism has worked. All right, let's all stop our complaining. Everybody put down your signs. That's right. So then, speaking of feminist things, a bunch of the women went then went off to a steak dinner. It was like Bethany, Ramona, Derinda, and Carol, which by the way, I love these four together because they, I don't know, it just, it does something for me there. I just feel like they're very sharp and funny and smart. And I just love them gabbing. And I kind of love that they went to a steakhouse. It's like kind of a masculine space. And of course, Ramona was like, oh wait, Ramona was there. Never mind. I take it back. I don't like Ramona in the mix. So I like Ramona in the mix. I think it's funny. I mean, I like Ramona as to watch it. It's funny. If I'm saying of like the power girls, the ones I want to sit and watch, the ones I want to like sit in like gab with in my fantasy, Ramona would not be in. I don't know what I'm talking about. I think it started with Ramona sitting there waiting and then she's looking around all disappointed. And then Bethany comes in and I thought, oh my god, please do not let it be a conversation between these two because I can't take it. I just took time on all PM and it's like, ah, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm like, what is this place? Oh, what smells like me? Oh, because it's a steakhouse. Where's everything? Oh, where's everything? And Ramona's like, where's the dick? Where's the dick? I don't see any dick. And Bethany's like, what are you, a bitch in heat? I didn't know I need a dick. She's like, ah, I need a dick. I mean, Mario's not here. We're not together. I could do whatever I want. I'm a new woman. I'm free. I'm free with the dick. Oh, my, but I think it's Ramona sort of in this annoying phase that I've seen many people go through both men and women, but I see, I feel like I see it more with women, but that may be just my exposure. Like I may just be around more women, which is when they're fresh out of a relationship and they want to be like, yeah, single and ready to mingle. And so they talk such a big game about like, yeah, we're, we're the, hey, we're the men. We're the men. I want to see the men or if it was a guy, but like, hey, we're the chicks at. I want to see the chicks. But then when push comes to shove, they always get like nervous and they like, oh, it's like back away to me early. And then the truth is they're still not ready. And they're still in love with a person that that just dumped them. Yeah. For some reason, I just hate, I just hate the facade. I'm like, I still want a penis. Mario's penis. Where's the men? Where's the men in the steak shop? Where's the men in the steak shop? Yeah, we're supposed to go to dinner and hit on men. Like who goes to dinner and hits on men? Men do not want to be hit on while your mouth is full. Okay. I know. Hey, hey, have you been using Windex? Because I can really see myself in your pants. Hey, hey, okay. So then Dorinda arrives in her Carmella, Siprano fucking kindergarten graduation fur. I'm like, oh my goodness, Dorinda, geez lady. I love Dorinda, but girl, that's some Long Island railroad fanciness. You've got going on there. John got it for me. He stole it from his dry cleaning business. This is on loan. It's from the Teresa Caputo collection. Now, why did I write? Oh, then I wrote Ramona Gossips about Heath. And I'm like, he that's an old news. She's like, did you hear about the joke? Dead, deadness, deadness room. The twins from Full House had something to do with that. I'm sure of it. They're going to come out with news soon. I'm sure of it. Did you see, broke back now? Okay. Heath led just gay now. Okay. And in fact, by the end of the movie, he turned into a hanger. Okay. He's a full on hanger. I've never seen someone be a hanger so well. Okay. More Ramona. No, so I guess she's got, I guess I'm talking about Heather. So she brings it. So what was up? What was up the other day? Because you were just being totally normal and fine. And then Heather was acting crazy. And you know, when I first met Heather, I didn't like her either. She wasn't simpatica. I mean, what the heck? And then they show Ramona meeting Heather and just Ramona being a total C word. And I'm like, you know what? I guess this is similar. This is similar to how you too. But it was, but it was funny because in those early days, I hated Heather so much because Heather was such a C word too, because Ramona was like, you know what's funny is that you know what? You talk a lot. You really do talk a lot. And Heather's like, smile. Oh my God, that's funny. I could say the same about you. I'm like, wow, that was not I mean, both of us at least being like our lead, like, nasty and Heather with this big smile on a laugh is that she's saying, Oh my God, you are so pretty. But she's saying, Oh my God, you interrupt you. And then Bethany starts blowing about Heather. And she's like, who does that? Who gives therapy to somebody in a party? I mean, that's just, who does that? So I'm like, you're the woman who goes to therapy on TV. What do you talking about? Like, what is this privacy you speak of? And please start using it. I know. She's like, who does that? Who starts like asking people about their problems? Okay, it's like, you might as well give you a microphone. Okay, but you want TV and then like have like your own show. I mean, who does that? Who asked people complete strangers to come sit on a couch in front of you and like, haven't just share all their problems to you? I mean, oh my God, tell me now. I don't know her. I don't know her. And then the waiter comes to take their order. And she's like, I'm not giving you my order. I don't know you. Who are you? I don't know you. Who is he? Stop asking me. I don't know. Hey, waiter, get off my jock. Okay. I don't know what I want to drink. Okay. I just have my wallop. Okay. If I have to tell you what I want to drink, I will be on the floor crying. Okay. I'm hanging on by a thread right now, waiter. Okay. Do not ask me what I want to drink. Okay. I used to drink. I used to drink water every morning. And then Jason stole my water filter. And now I can't have it. Bring me water. I'll be on the floor. Sobbing, sobbing. I'm literally homeless. Okay. I don't even have a wet bar. Okay. So when you ask me that a martini, it's like, it's killing me. All right. Just kill me right now. All right. I just, I can't talk about this right now. Okay. You know what? I'm sorry, waiter. You know what? I know you're doing your job. All right. I just, I have wallop. I need to be closed right now, but let's just, I want to hug you right now because I genuinely like your service. All right. I just want to hug you and let you know it's not you. It's truly me. I can't talk about my martini. All right. I'm sorry. Wait, did you have a comment card? Because I have one thing to write on it. Don't know you. Okay. Sorry. I don't. You're welcome. You know what? Wait, this is an attack. All right. All right. You came with a gun and you loaded up with martini questions and you're shooting at me. I don't have to stand here. Okay. I'm going. Okay. I'm going. I'm going. It's everybody hates Beth today. It's everybody wants to know what Beth wants to drink today. Okay. And I just don't want to tell you. Okay. Guess what? There's like a million bottles out there. They all have my face on it. That's what I want to drink. All right. That's what I want to be with. You know the bottles with the skinnier version of pettiflora as the as the logo. I want that. That's what I want. Why are you even asking me? Okay. I literally I own millions of bottles of wine and margaritas. Okay. So why are you even asking what I want to drink? I have more to drink than I even know what to do with. Okay. Enough. Then Carol arrives. Okay. And this is the other thing that this is the other phrase that everybody who is kind of sticking up for Heather, everybody says the same thing to Bethany. Well, you know, she's a fixer. And then the wands like Bethany, she's a fixer. That's what Heather does. She fixes like what has Heather ever fixed? Could anybody point one thing out that Heather has ever fixed? I've never seen Heather fix anything. Okay. Heather destroys everything. And I don't want to hear about her stolen Spanx empire either because she Heather probably looks at that is like, listen, sure Spanx was out first, but it was flawed and I fixed it because I'm a fixer. And that's what Yummy is. Yummy. Here's the problem with this whole fixer bullshit. If we go back to that dinner party, when Bethany was hungry or was talking about what she was just telling them like basically don't bring out like the the non shellfish for me because I can't eat it. And then Heather's like, well, what do you want to eat this? You want to eat this? You want to eat this? And it wasn't coming from a I want to fix it place. It was first of all, it was nosy. It had nothing to she wasn't her place to offer her food. It wasn't her party. And second of all, she was doing it in a way that was almost like, hey, I'm doing something for you. And now I'm offering something to you. And if you reject it, this means you reject me. It was like, you're such you really are so much of a better person than me because I took it as Heather being like, look, Bethany doesn't want to eat what's being served because Bethany had a talk showed. Does anybody know? So she can't just eat fish like, well, I think it was that too. No, I think it's both. I actually think it was both because it's both like, oh, okay, you're rejecting me. And then look, like it's it's a way of there's there's an element of undermining Bethany because Bethany has in some way ever since ever since Bethany told Heather that she was the plus one at her birthday party, Heather feels boxed out, which is what we will get to soon enough. But Heather has felt boxed out on some level. So now every time they talk, there are these very subtle, almost like masterful, passive aggressive remarks and comments. And Bethany picks up on them and she can't stand them. So when they talk about that, Heather's a fixer. No, Heather is not a fixing. This was not Heather has never fixed anything on this show, at least. And also passive aggressive behavior works against weak people. Passive aggressive behavior does not work against aggressive behavior. Like it's just no match. You're never going to beat somebody being passive aggressive when they're aggressive. They'll just punch you. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. You know? Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's. Yeah. Oh, sorry. No, no, go ahead. I did not have any point that was really going to be that relevant. So I'm just going to mute myself. I was just going to move on to the sex talk because then the ladies start doing that sex talk thing because Ramona is free and new. And Bethany is like, listen, I don't need to ever suck another dick in my life. I don't even care. Like, I don't need anything inside of me. Um, it's disgusting. I mean, I'll let him do it if he wants to, but like gross. And I love that Bethany is just so out of the closet about being frigid because that's a huge part of our society, you guys that nobody talks about. Um, porn for people who don't like fucking is called Pinterest. Okay, it may not be called porn hub, but it's still the obsessive behavior. They may not be touching their vagina or their penises, but you know, there's still other things. And that's a whole movement of people out there. So you know what, Bethany, congratulations, and thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Let it go. Oh, frozen frozen. So then just like after the skinny girl tie in with a happy meal, there's nothing inside of it except a little tiny vodka and a frozen vagina. That's it. Yeah. Enjoy kids. So, um, so then we then move on to our next dinner function, which is at Ramona's restaurant. It's called a OA. And Ramona decided to have a dinner. It was, you know, it was sort of like a goodbye to the year. Hello to the new year, pre Christmas party. Okay. Okay. Um, and, um, I love that. I love Bethany so much because, you know what, like she has a wall and I have a wall and sometimes it's like two walls and the ceiling is kind of staying up because there's two walls and you're like, we can keep the ceiling up together and then the ceiling falls down and kills everybody inside, but we're still, we're still standing and we tell each other, you know, why we're standing? Because we're walls. That's why. We're two wall best friends. We're like, we're like, we're like big giant monuments in China. Okay. Great walls, great walls of China. Um, so you can see us from space. Um, so there are this dinner. So first of all, Ramona's hosting it and she has got some she has friend with like, basically a reject from secrets and wives who's there. And at one point there's like this one random little velvet rope that's been put up to signify to signify that there's a private party Ramona's private party and someone's like, Oh, why are we roped off? And this woman's like, well, they are the people. They're not our kind of people. I was like, what the fuck? And I love Bethany was funny because Bethany was like, what? Because they haven't had like, you know, 10 years of vagina plastic on their face. Yeah, that lady's face. Oh my God. Good Lord woman stuff. She's like, these are not our people. Look at all these moving faces. It's disgusting. I know. She looked like the Michelin man had been melted down and smeared all over her face. You look like a Santa Maria candle that someone forgot to put out before. Good Lord. Put it away. She looked like a pacifier that had been left out in the sun. So what happened? Oh, yeah. So then I don't like a well, first of all, Ramona goes over to Bethany and she's like, Hey, Beth. No, that's Heather. She's like, Hey, baby, look, let's talk about Heather because I don't understand what was happening at Heather the other day. I'm like, do not remember already talking about this on your dick search. Come on lady, not again. Oh my God. And then Kristen's like, I don't, you know what? I feel boxed out because everybody's like boxing me out. I feel like there's a box with stuff inside of it. And I don't even know what it is. It's like someone got a boxy charm and I'm not part of the makeup. I don't appreciate it. I feel like I'm being boxed out. Like I feel like I'm so boxed out that someone's sweat is getting on my knee because I'm just at a boxing match and I'm on the outside of it. Okay. Yeah. Don't you guys remember that time that somebody sweat on me? I mean, that was horrible. Nobody supported me. Nobody even cared. Kristen trying way too hard. And even her husband came. You guys remember that time I made my remember that time when my my made made me typhoon and then I didn't know whether or not to eat it. Like, why can't people share that moment with me? I feel boxed out. Remember when my mate made dinner? And then I had her put it in a box so I could save it for later. I stood outside that box and I was like jealous of Thai food. I mean, that's sad. That's sad. I was so boxed out. I was jealous of the Thai food in the box. Do you guys remember when I took pictures from my blog in the meatpacking district and then put them on my blog and I only got like 400 visitors? I felt so boxed out for my Alexa ranking. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. We're back to tell you more about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit streammax with ads included at no extra cost. You know what to great night for us ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the max original hacks which won best comedy deservedly so and we love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu who also is a huge Bravo fan. Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza. Sometimes it's a salad and I can get both with DoorDash. How about some ice cream? 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She's really trying I think someone was like Kristen you're going to get fired because you've only been sweat on this whole year and so she was like oh no who should I fight with? They're boxing boxing out but someone said boxing out to somebody because now they're all saying it. So Kristen's gonna try and have this fight with Bethany. Well what happened first what happened first is everyone walks into the everyone walks into the restaurant there's like a five-minute montage of everyone saying hi hi kissing on cheeks and stuff and then immediately Beth Bethany and Heather like hi how's it going and then it cuts to each of them in like the interviews being like she has such a cold bitch I'm like what that seemed like a very slow okay so then um so yeah so Ramona is talking to Bethany they're having a conversation of course about Heather and who knows what and then Kristen is just like staring from across the room and she's like she says I feel so box out I just am so box out so then she goes to talk to Carol and Carol decides to stir the pot and she's like well you know what Bethany told me was that you don't actually have a trademark on your nail polish called pop of color and she thinks you're stupid yeah she said you're so dumb you didn't even get a trademark on pop of color and p.s. good luck naming something blue because Ramona trademarked that already sorry okay bye have a good night and then she just was a real trademark sorry and then she just runs off and then she laughs to the cameras she's like I'm just trying to help move things along so before we get to Kristen we're going to get back to Kristen so Kristen is now roiling and meanwhile the wind comes over to Bethany and it's like darling darling how are you feeling okay what's wrong have you been playing my head about you the other day when you just lost it at dinner I mean first you were saying fin fish which I've never even heard that term i mean what is a fin fish i've never heard it i mean we're worried about you fin fish unless you're speaking in french which we knew which met you we're trying to finish with fish like you know fan fish is how it'd be pronounced actually be fan pwasan i really really wish you'd get it together Bethany did you mean the tourist finish because you weren't even saying it right i mean fin fish i mean come on Bethany you're making America look bad we were all worried all of us we were all rooting for you Bethany what do you want what do you want for me what do you want so i was there i was there couldn't eat a fish i mean what do you want what do you need this more than that but you were crying Bethany i mean tears so what so i was crying i mean i was crying i was very sad it was it was a sad day i mean what are we all are we not friends or as the friends say ask a new song i mean or as the finish say we're not fin fish are we or are we fish fish the same fish i don't know what that means you got me all confused Bethany with this fin fish shock i can even make fish metaphors correctly are you okay so then but i love by the way the so so Bethany starts to get mad because luen is kind of like up to no good she's based is like i was concerned next year i saw you were crying what i might have to cry my walls i might have to cry so then i loved in the middle of this um dorinda walk comes over for a second she doesn't even she doesn't even say like hey girls she just comes over she's just uh oh and then she walks away i actually wrote down because she goes uh oh i didn't even notice that she just went back to vacuuming the restaurant it was so quick all you saw was her shoulder and all you heard was uh oh she doesn't she doesn't go uh oh she goes uh oh and then uh uh Bethany goes on one of her quadrants it makes no sense i mean what's with luen i mean luen used to be like switzerland you know switzerland and now she's like swiss furniture like here like i don't even understand the tools like what are these tools what's the l how am i supposed to put it put together a dresser with some screws in the different sizes and an l with a square in the middle like i don't know i mean what's what i'm doing but that dress is going to fall over that's all i have to say you know what luen even talking about you're supposed to be you know what you're supposed to be switzerland okay so why don't you go up and make a clock all right make a clock and then make a watch make a watch go to the clock you put around your wrist and then eat some chocolate okay because i don't need you right now to end if you're okay okay okay listen get up your your cheese rolls in that okay i don't eat cheese i don't eat things with holes in it just get out of here i hate holes uh have you heard me i don't like holes all right so let's only get out of here swiss cheese you know what you know why don't you go up to a mountain top and blow an open horn okay you know i just get out of my head get out of my hair all right what do you want hot chocolate what do you want hot chocolate right now get out of here what do yeah yeah exactly how about i put you some hot water and make some instant hot chocolate all right right just get out of here but Bethany i mean you were crying Bethany crying crying i mean one moment you're laughing one moment you're crying i just i mean i know that you were stressed but tears i just love that that's that's the downfall of man luen yeah that this is this is everything that went wrong in the world was because somebody cried i mean man up already jock didn't even cry when i left him i mean yeah big tears Bethany tears i mean i didn't even cry when my daughter's friends got drunk and fell passed out in a bush okay and that was certainly tearworthy i just laughed because children haha but anyway they start getting into it she's like you know what you deliver don't deliver don't deliver nasty things in nice packages okay don't deliver nasty things in harry and david's basket all right so like what i'm just i'm very straight up Bethany i'm just telling you like be straight with me you know what i like people who are straight with me she's like but i am i mean tears no i want honesty i love that luen is being honest she's like you're an emotional basket case and everyone's worried about you and Bethany is like just tell me how you feel that is how she feels you're a basket case and everybody's worried about you like what do you what what would you need her to say that walls walls walls wall switch a little walls are up walls are up walls are up around switzerland nobody's coming in here you can get your shitties you can get your shitty l-shaped furniture some but someplace else all right yeah like sweden where real like you is um okay so then we've got them fighting over nothing and then behind them you see this little blonde this little blonde and trying to poke in she's like um can i interrupt yet christen can i interrupt yet and the one goes no it was it was like no i i can't even get my voice deep enough so good i'm sorry darling but no this is a very important i didn't mean to box you out or make you feel marginalized all right this is just like luen's like listen i'm so sorry darling i know that was rough it's just more like just think of it like rear in a box and you're not in it okay and we just can't have you in our box right now that's all just think of it that way listen when there are more than two shoes in a box there's three shoes and you need a third leg and listen nobody wants to be the third leg so hobble on over to the other side of the restaurant and lean on that stool until someone's able to make you all again okay darling darling this is all that we're trying to say okay just imagine we're like a stadium all right and you're in the bleachers and we're in a luxury box and there's just no more room in our box for you so you just sit out there all the way in the outfield and we'll be up here with a champagne that's it and we'll call you when you're welcome into the box poor christmas like but i have something to talk about too i don't care wait wait so christmas there's a box right down what you have to say and put it in the box that way you can feel like you're in a box it'll be a separate box i mean you'll still be in a box but boxed out of our box but still a box is a box right i'm so sorry christen we're just going to go to jack in the box but uh we'll we'll let you know what you know what the rest aren't for years standing okay listen if anybody truly loves us out there they will send some boxy charm to christen because if anybody deserves some boxy charm it's christen darling i'm just so sorry there's a function of box brothers and i i don't i think it's invite only so i'm sorry you just can't come um so she's waiting in line basically to fight with Bethany which is hilarious so yeah so so then didn't she start talking to somebody else too Bethany moved on to somebody else too and started talking to them and christen was like it's my turn i have something to say too i have something to say too so finally Bethany's like all right so she goes and sits on those weird side stools christen first of all you feel boxed out boxed out because you're sitting next to the fire exit on like extra stools for when they need extra stools at the bar like that's not even a real sitting place that's the that's the fire exit listen i would be i would be horrified to have to be in the creative meetings with christen because you know they're all saying they're like listen for this like nail collar we really want to think out of the box and then she just starts to cry why why even at my own nail polish meeting why the name the name of the line is out of the box it's called bag and the colors are not invited no RSVP for you have fun alone with your mates hey christen we got a new box of the new nail polish why didn't i get a box oh so she starts talking to somebody else i don't even remember who it is and then finally Bethany sit down with her Bethany had another moment with Heather she's like listen listen i just you know i really want to be friends of you okay i just really want to be friends i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry Heather's like well all i can say is okay all i can say is you know where i am and when you're ready to be a good girl and you're ready to finish your chicken fingers you can come sit next to me and i'll watch you with a big smile on my face and until then i support you but from a distance i'll always love you because you came out of me but um i'm not always gonna like you okay so just go sit over there and Bethany's like yeah well i just want you to know i'm sorry i mean look so i may hate you but i can you know i could do it less loudly because that was rude it was rude how loud i was so that's right that's right so then so then finally christen gets her moments with Bethany they go over to sit at like a like a french window or something and um christen just starts off just so poorly she starts off on a very aggressive tone and but on top of that she doesn't really know how to be aggressive like that when she gets aggressive she just whines and she's also giving a speech she says yes i want you to know my my nail polish line like i am really really passionate about it Bethany's like what the fuck i am so passionate i just want you to know i'm really passionate about nail polish yeah it's like i am like it is like five days old and i have so much passion for it it's like it could be a soap opera from the mid 2000s because it could be called passions i used to sit down and dream about what i was gonna do with my life you know because i was a model and stuff and that just opens the door and i would sit there and i would make goals and i would dream and while i did that i would be putting on nail polish i mean it's a huge part of my life and Bethany's like i don't know if you've been reading my blog lately but if you have you might have seen that i love nail polish and i wrote like a 500 word thing that talked partially about nail polish nail polish is in no doubt hurts women are painting their nails and Bethany's like oh my god this was worse than a penis on my face jesus christ Jason's penis get out of my face yeah so she just basically starts attacking Bethany and like she doesn't not even in a nice way she's like i heard that you said this i heard that you said this and Bethany's like well fuck this Bethany just gets up and walks away i'm like hey great job kristan trying to connect with someone that'll really help you like get boxed in now like you like you know it's a good way a good way to make people want to hang out with you more include them in the conversation if you just attack them that's a great way to do it and then we get the housewives play-by-play by uh carol and luan who i'm so matter fighting because i really like them together i think we said that last week but i really do like them together and carol's telling luan the gossip or whatever and she feels bad blah blah and then they're watching this whole thing goes go down and when it finishes luan goes ouch and carol goes ouch and luan says well i mean at least Bethany will yell at heather i mean just getting cut off that's even worse i mean it's like she just got boxed out from being boxed out i mean heather got a storyline out of it this girl's not even going to make it onto the box isn't that ironic she's like a lady in the avengers just boxed out left and right um and then that was it everyone feels sorry because christian can't get screen time i know i in a weird way in a weird way i actually like i understand where christian's angst is coming from because i've been in that situation where i felt like i've been boxed out for reasons i don't understand why and it's like i was like were you almost want to be like hey just like listen like we could be good friends but like you don't want to talk you're not giving me a chance and then you want to like scold them be like you're not giving me a chance and we could be good friends but of course if you do that you will never be good friends so i i get that well just a hint you should probably say you want to go to lunch and get to know each other instead of you're a bitch and you called me a bitch and blah blah blah and Bethany's way of dealing with it was hilarious we didn't even mention that Bethany just walks away she's like ah gotta go gotta go gotta go walls up walls up don't try and drive it car through here you're gonna just closing the wall behind me wall behind me wall in front of me i'm just gonna make a maze of walls and start wondering around here until i'm done with you so when you're going i'm back here and Bethany laughs and her face and goes no it's like i'm not saying that you're boxed out but what i am saying is i've got walls in every direction which sort of makes me in a box so fine i don't know you i don't know you who are you who are you you're some girl sitting on a stool i don't know you who are you yeah what does it take for Bethany to actually know you because she's known these women now for months and she's still saying things to dorinda like i mean look at what was i supposed to do i was at your party i don't know you what she says what do you know you don't know anybody she's probably saying to brian like listen i know you're crying right now i know you have me a tantrum but like what do you want me to do about it okay i've only known you for about like two years okay i've got some friends i go back for ten years and i still don't do anything but okay so like if you're gonna cry i only know you for two years all right i so i'm sorry brian you got it you just got to like suck it up all right i'm sorry i never saw you around the racetracks who are you brian who are you i don't know you i know horses older than you get out of here stop talking yeah you don't go back okay like i don't know you from anyone okay brian so just you know stop crying why is Jason calling me for money i don't know him i don't know him i mean what i knew him for a couple of years and a spin-off that's it i don't know him now i mean he could be doing god knows what now hello my name is whatever i mean i don't even know what's on his name tag who is he who is he i don't know him i don't even i don't even know my own mother okay i don't know anyone okay i'm just i have walls walls everywhere walls walls right i don't see people okay i'm gonna walk i'm closed off i just want to be closed i want to be closed i want to be closed um so what's you would you like to do next brian we've got the shells of sunset and secrets and what we should probably do shaws right i know we should do shaws i want to do secrets and wives only because i want people to watch the show but we should do shot okay yeah we shouldn't you know because they'll just turn it off when they get secrets and wives because people i can't ever tell on our um facebook page i mean well some people we can't darrick darrick's like please pretend this show is dead and never was here mr jet said i don't want to talk about it i don't want to see it this is what shaws are secrets and wives the secrets and wives he's like just pretend it doesn't exist and that's darrick's voice i've given darrick um the coffee talk mixed with darrinda voice you're welcome darrick darrick uh darrick hazelton our beautiful listener yeah he was like please don't talk about secrets and wives i'll kill that show and then myself like okay well darrick will fast forward you can you can fast forward to the shaws part that's the glory of a podcast you can always fast forward people yeah that's right fast forward because i'm sorry but this brain wreck i can't excuse watching gallery girls uh game of crowns what i mean what are some of the worst things we watch i princesses i cannot excuse watching those and then skipping secrets and wives especially when this one is all about husband abuse okay so here's here's the thing we mentioned this last week every summer for probably the past five years bravo bravo launches a show that's about really awful white women and uh it gets terrible ratings and yet it's actually like some of the best shit that bravo ever puts out and no one watches it and every year we get into it and then the show goes away and we never see it again and i am sick of it because this show is cracking me up it's not you know gallery girls at the top probably followed by game of crowns and princesses um this probably this is probably number four i don't know what else is in that mix but it's a funny show and someone posted on our page that it got like half a million viewers a sixty percent drop off from real housewives and i'm pissed off why does it keep happening yeah um i don't think this is gonna suffer that same fate because i read somewhere actually i read in the comment section over trash talk tv the recaps are so funny there by the way of this show um i read that they're already shooting season two so this must have been alive this yeah they said they saw them shooting somewhere so i guess that they've already been picked up i mean i don't know maybe they're just shooting it by themselves who knows what these women i mean this could be one of their husbands just walking around with the camera and as we learned in the shaw's reunion you never know who's filming you when andy said well did one of you take the footage of mike and gg going into the hotel room and they were all like uh i don't know no one would admit to it i mean jesus christ people we'll get to that later but you never know who's filming is what i'm saying in these shows it could be just quarry following everyone around with like a flip cam you know yeah i i think this show secrets and wives is very funny it's just these trash you women um they they just cracked me up it's it's good it's good i think people should watch it watch it hate watch it people just hate watch it hate watch it it's totally worth it and the fights are so stupid i love it i personally love it because it's like the aftermath of princesses long island like you get everything you wanted you get that prince who's going to support you and do everything and then you realize you're a maid and then you're sick you know yeah it's reverse Cinderella yeah it's like Cinderella shows up at the ball the prince loves her and then he breaks a shoe on her face you know and cuts her so no one else will love her and then pushes her down the stairs and then the yeah well well he goes off you know someone's eating the pumpkin car or whatever yeah yeah well well uh and the difference is that prince charming spent two years in jail on stock stock market fraud and then has now stuck buying seats from tyros sorry i'll sit um so uh okay so it starts off with uh um uh like uh liza and andy lying in bed i paralyzed parallel that was the previous previously on secrets of wives the very last thing was un paralyzed she's stupid lizzie grubman is paralyzed everyone she's paralyzed sorry go ahead no i just love her mom comes in someone one of our um one of our listeners tweeted at us let me see if i can pull up the the listener real quickly our listener tweeted at us that um that uh the mom actually looks like divine i was like that is so true yes i know that's been posted on there quite a bit lori just posted it with lori yeah but uh people have been posting it started we're bad with names when we're trying to figure out who's posting there's a lot of good posts over there yeah speak of twitter wait quick little break sorry sorry to break this but um people on twitter are asking oh i love reddit i used to go to reddit all the time to read housewise stuff i haven't been lately though because i was spending hours in there but anyway uh reddit people on reddit are asking if we'll do and ask me anything on there and ama you want to do one sure i don't care yeah hell yeah we'll do it just tell us what time and yes i will stop saying the c-word have you noticed today i've actually said c-word a lot but not you know the actual word did you get any flack oh yeah she's saying i love you guys but please stop saying that word i will i'm sorry sorry um okay so so okay so so yes i ama let's do it yeah so uh liza's mom divine walks in and she is by the way the queen of the bumpit like if bumpits will never go out of business as long as this woman is alive she has like the bumpit is the thing that you put in your hair to give it a bump make it make it high anytime you see well i shouldn't say anytime but a lot of times when if you see a woman like in her hair it like goes up in a swoop it's because of a bumpit oh i've always pictured those uh those weird foam things from hobby lobby that people make wreaths out of you know and your mom buys like plastic leaves and she's like just stick them through the farm you're like wow i made a thing but you can still see that white underneath yeah that's what a bump it is oh well there you go i have it's like a speed bump it's like a speed bump that you put in your hair some man trying to try for for my hair today yeah the mom so so the big news this episode is that everyone's going to gurney's everyone's going to gurney's okay everyone excited to go to gurney's this weekend we're gonna go to gurney's weekend at gurney's like what the hell is gurney's what the fuck is this thing i thought stupid because i'm like it's probably like an amazing resort that everyone knows about except for me but seriously they're talking about gurney's as if they're going to Xanadu i mean she's calm down ladies well you know this is a very very dramatic show because it starts off with Corey's broken sprinkler and she's like oh my god look at that that's a sprinkler it's broken oh my life sandy the sprinkler sandy what's happening he's like a sprinkler's broken it's like oh god my life and then there's some old man standing out on the lawn just watching the sprinkler and he's like hey what's up gotta bring a sprinkler huh yeah sprinkler it's a sprinkler uh my life and then the working brunette susan um you know what that sprinkler is andy are talking about uh how susan talks shit about her whatever and they're like andy's like she suggested that you get a job she's like uh who does that who says that she talks about me my own backyard this might this might be someone else's backyard next week but right now it's mine nobody talks about me am i almost not mine anymore backyard i'm paralyzed i'm paralyzed i can't get out of bed do i have do i have waking do i wake in dreams right now cuz i feel i feel paralyzed i'm paralyzed and then all the ladies meet over uh for some soul cycle so they go to a soul cycle and uh uh by the way this is like one of the reasons why i hate spinning is because of the women like these the women that like populate these bikes just these old long island overdone made up plastic surgery that women he said they're like too much soul suckle and yeah those women uh what was i gonna say oh well this is like cafes it's kind of like a cafes because she at the core he says it's a one stop beauty shop everything you need we have lipstick anal relaxes spinning classes i was like wait wait wait go back to anal relaxers what what's an anal relaxer i was like she's like business has been down ever since someone confused the anal relaxes for the lipsticks so things have been in some problems we need to consolidate a brand a little bit um and at least they're not like cut fitness at least they have too many things on their shelves they're like well we gotta take the anal relaxes off the shelves okay people are getting confused we're only selling seven of them and the husband's like what anal relaxing those are huge those are a huge hit she's like we sold seven in a year listen you need to stop worrying about people in the neighborhood's assholes all right buddy he's like whoa listen if your husband is wearing orange plastic sunglasses that match his orange shorts and is talking about anal relaxing after his blow job like his blow dry job you may start thinking about where your marriage is headed because i don't think it's anywhere good that's a truck stop timmy if you ask me he'll be like i'm stopping at the dairy queen honey she's like okay ah i love sandy speaking of speaking of what do i say it doesn't kiss me anymore because he probably smells like sperm breath let's just be it's just trying to be nice to you speaking of speaking of uh tragedies um we have gale gale shows up to the spin class in in pigtails i mean this was like a whatever there ever was a woman grasping for her youth it's this woman gale showing up like that oh my god am i late am i late which which seat do i have oh my god i always let's sitting in the front row at the right um these women all kind of look like other housewives as we've talked about before but gale is chameel grammar she's like a poor chameel grammar the way her face got so serious on that bike and she was acting like the very first scene of row housewives that chameel was in when she was like this is my death studio and then she did that terrible dancing but like really seriously you know yeah like took away too seriously that was this woman's face on the bike it was chameel season one again i was like oh my god in a few years we're gonna see her in a golf cart you know just taking haggard around the grounds of a park or something because you know she ain't gonna have a mansion but she'll be like yeah kind of there's a tree that Frasier used to pee on let me let me take you on a tour of northern boulevard so uh so uh but i loved also though how like Susan like like gale and Susan have this like the simmering animosity and the way it comes out is like these stupid comments like afterwards when they're like telling off and Susan like tells gosh she's like oh i need to look in the mirror and you would block my mirror like you got to get out of the way yeah like it was like a small little thing like haha you're in the way of my mirror you gotta move over next time yeah typical you know i go to a spinning class and i'm a working woman so nobody you know nobody accepts me because i have a job people a job all right and then somebody comes and sits right in front of me i mean how much supposed to see my bony rubble body if you're standing right in front of me you know i'm never gonna change with you right in front of me and she's like well maybe you could move to the side then how about you get a job instead that way won't be in front of my mirror a mirror then we see Amy in her new car that arthur bought her and yes it's a Bentley just kidding it's a convertible used bug i know it was like a it's like a Fiat or something she's like oh my god a lot though he really cares about me author loves me i mean yesterday the cigarette lighter fell out and office said hey who smokes cigarettes anymore anyway and then threw it at my head i love him i mean it's romantic isn't it we're gonna go to the Bahamas and it's really it's really a very big deal for us it's gonna be a huge milestone it's gonna be the first time he beats me overseas listen we've been wanting to go on abuse vacation to the Bahamas ever since we heard the M&M and Rihanna song because you know that's where she's from i mean when he sang about burning her in the bed i was like what going did they mention the hotel i can't wait wait to make an embarrassing scene in front of strangers in a different country oh my god it's gonna be amazing oh god Rihanna's hometown our faith goes actually Rihanna's homeland where we all go wait would you say Rihanna that's from Barbados not never mind god damn what is wrong with me i don't even have google i'm sorry Rihanna that was a completely tasteless um beating joke and it could have been done more properly i'm sorry yeah so then we had that inventory scene which we talked about which is like no big deal and then we had um then there was like a cross-cup between two different people two different groups having uh dinner one was Susan and her lug of a husband i think John and then the others was like Liza and Andy having going to dinner with their mothers and uh i don't know like just just hearing these women talk i just i just keep cracking up like when the waiter comes over and lies like do you have a water choke order choke you have a water choke okay we'll have an audit show please yeah i want an audit choke i'm like a juicy i can juicy get it girls and everyone's like hey listen i want to make sure that audit choke has taste to it all right make sure it has taste it's like it's an artichoke okay yeah but like i'm sorry there there actually is no taste it what i'm paralyzed i'm paralyzed instant audit choke like an audit choke instant audit choke parallelization i can't move i can't feel my hands someone feel the audit choke for me someone feel it i can't feel my hands then i'm moving they're like putty uh and then meanwhile Susan is having this like disgusting dinner with her husband and she's like trying to sell us on the fact that like it's no big deal that he was in jail she's like so what if he's next con he committed a stock market crime no big deal no big whoop but well before we even get to that didn't she have her relate wasn't she actually with her husband i'm trying to figure out which part this is was this part where she was having lunch with her husband or where they were all together at the end no no this was this was when they were having dinner they're having dinner a separate dinner that was getting cut back and forth between it's going back and forth between these two dinners so her dinner was with her husband and he's like hey babe remember when we had sex with mcdonald's parking lot and she's like yeah but remember i gave you a blowjob before then on the way there he's like yeah that right after he got out of prison yeah yeah remember what i got jail we had sex in mcdonald's parking lot remember that yeah that was great why and he goes from remember when you blew me first it was a blowjob and she's like oh my god such romantic times you know just like and then we got and then we got a six piece mcdonald meal right afterwards fuck me got a bill now shake then and then i called work because i'm a working woman and that's what i had to do because you were in prison and i'm independent working yeah you know what i said to you as soon as you get up jail you know what get a job get a job so i gave you a blowjob and then i said get a real job me will have a dinner all the moms lies as mom was like horny as fuck she's like i haven't had a man in forever i looked down there i saw cobwebs then i saw spiders and the spiders turned me on and the other mom who was just talking about like something she's like oh one time i looked down at my vagina and i just wish there was a teenager there and she's like yeah well this spider's coming out of mine and they turned me on and then the other old woman's like oh that's disgusting i can't even look at her like what what are you like like these women are so funny i know that we get to see their future and it's still sad i know oh my god um by the way i just have to say waiters on bravo i don't know why i'm obsessed with waiters on bravo but the waiter on this show comes up to the table is that you're already like chomping gum with his mouth open he's like okay i'll give you some time to unwalked off it's like classy place it's a long island it's a long island what you know is very sophisticated north shore okay this is what a berry so um i don't know i have this note down i forget the scene why why the spirit but like at one point we cut to gale in her interview and i wrote down that she was wearing a mylar junior prom decoration as her dress it was this shiny thing that was like wrapped around her boobs it's like my goodness this show i mean this is just the visuals on this show gales a mess and she's the quietest one so we're gonna see because i think she's gonna be the biggest um a hole in the whole bench well it's kind of funny because the first episode her husband was bossing her around and just being totally mean to her and then this episode it was the one the other way he was the one who's quiet she was like okay pick that up pick that up put that in the car do that no you can sit with me you sit with me okay you're late you're late you're late hurry up now come on open the door for me okay yeah loved it i can't tell uh yeah but i'm still at dinner i'm still at this dinner scene because i can't get over this i mean it was not just a remember when i gave you a blowjob after prison i like when she tells him you don't write me letters anymore like you did in gale i mean when you sent me letters from gale that was so romantic and he's like yeah but i'm not getting blowjobs from like toothless teenagers that you know got pulled over with marijuana eva you know like how many how many of those habits want me to keep up idiot oh my god she's like how could you not have sex in jail for two years and he just stays quiet needs his carbs yeah he's like uh yeah two years that's right didn't have any sex at all i'm working and you know my husband worked so he went to jail so what that's work i mean he worked hard in jail every time i see a license plate i've been with pride i'm a career woman okay i sit at a keyboard and i type things okay i'm a career woman um so let me see she can't pass judgment oh then they pass then they start this whole Susan was saying that you you're going from the big house to a less big house and she doesn't feel sorry for you and she's like how dare she all the women are like oh who does that how dare she the mothers are like i can't believe it how awful how terrible for her to say that that's awful that's un that's uncalled for you've already got a job it's resting on the table right now as you talk all right best boob job in town you have a job okay it's called unparallizing yourself that's a full-time job paralyzed paralyzed okay i'm unparallized okay who that's a good day of work hmm um so then cori has a talk with her uh orange short orange glasses husband anal massaging husband about how come he never kisses her yeah she they're going through it because um they sold their hamptons house to fund their business and so now they only have a mansion and it's really putting a strain on the marriage yeah she's like look here's a secret to happiness okay i need kisses but my husband needs more so we put a hole in a bathroom stall and every once in a while my husband puts his penis through it and i give him a blowjob and there you go and and happiest marriage ever i just talk in a deep voice i don't know why it does it for him but it does you know it works orange glasses oh so then um okay so now oh i wrote gale's home okay we see gale's home gale's home it looks like the ruthless people set i know that's a really old oh my god that's that's a really old reference but if you guys haven't seen it bet midler is this awful woman she's married to Danny DeVito and she's like nouveau reach and has all this ultra modern tacky shit all over her house and that's what this looks like we're and we didn't we just talk about that the last episode i could have sworn just like within the past did we maybe brought it up and that's why it was in my head because i haven't thought of that moving forever i could have sworn that we talked about how everything like that's something about how like it was the if it if i wasn't talking about on the podcast i was telling someone about how that their house on ruthless people was full of the most ridiculous color blocked 1980s shit oh maybe that was dorinda's house oh yeah ruthless people won't leave all brains maybe that's why it's in there i haven't thought of that in forever listen god bless it it's a great movie but there you have it and doesn't it it is it is but you know it's similar in the basement working out with paint cans y'all it's like remember ashley's house on on princesses it had that big circle window i mean it was the most 80s everything was silver and shiny on the inside it was truly the quintessential 1987 house this is the classiest neighborhood on the in the city you know this neighborhood has history we were built when mtv came on the air shake it shake it shake it oh god that scene with ashley and her dad uh hell me god how? shake it honey shake it okay uh so these people are i just wrote down this is the longest packing scene i've ever seen because it was what you were saying the doctor just being followed around by gail uh put it flat put the suitcase flat out you're doing it wrong go the other way go through the other door go get this go get it open the back now open the trunk now push it through the trunk and then push it through the other door okay meanwhile someone and the only one who thinks that relationship good is of course amy who's on like the abusive relationship she's like that relationship is so sweet the way i mean look he doesn't even fail the disgust i mean that yeah it's like it's like he took off the condom of his emotions you know and that's when you know you're in a real relationship you can just go bear back she was amy actually said you know what gail is ever since gail met met her husband and married a husband she's just shiny and glowing i'm like no i think that's just her plastic melting she's so shiny you know when you're afraid your husband's gonna slap you it's important to use me of sporean as a moisturizer you stay shiny and in case you get a shot in case you get a cut it didn't it can start healing right away yeah why else about the word in my brain today listen husband stop abusing your wives i can i only have so many knee of sporean jokes in me i love by the way how when gail is bossing around uh bossing around her husband she's like do you not have a sense of spatial relations let's hope so he just did your face yeah um but then um uh by the way in the midst of all this someone took the opportunity to mention yet again that andy's married three times and every time she's gotten less and less before like it's a failure on her part like she has failed in life because she's gotten less from keeping for marrying for money and not getting as much each time i mean what is going on with the justice system in this country that a woman like lysa can go to another man and get less money than the man before her there is no justice paralyzed paralyzed it's in parallelization thinking about the injustice so everybody starts driving over to the Hamptons and lysa and andy stop to pump gas and lysa pulls that whole i don't know how to put gas in a car bitch who has been putting gas in your car please give me a break wait a second wait a second the pump it's not moving and the pump isn't going what do i do i press this i don't like to touch this stuff oh my god wait a second it's going no it's not i don't know what's happening paralyzed paralyzed it's like gail and oprah i know that that one where they went across the country and get uh oprah was like gas what how do you put this in and gail's like girl you're so funny you never putting gas and oprah's like no seriously like what the fuck this is how people drive um yeah fail and oprah sorry guys already done by um but yeah that was lysa who's putting gas in your car i know she's driving anywhere she doesn't drive anywhere she just just sits there on her bed being paralyzed paralyzed i've always been too paralyzed to put gas in my car the last time i drove was 20 years ago and i was on the l.i. and i got paralyzed and crashed into the god rail oh oh and then i would have dated that god but then when i divorced him i would have had even lost money then from the third husband and that would be a travesty all right um so they were trying to hook uh lies up with a waiter who cares i'm writing down every fucking detail we don't need to talk about all this so well um what i thought was funny is that when so then if they had talked a lot of smack about Susan and so Susan finally shows up and Andy's like Susan's about to get the north shore handshake step one kiss on the cheek step two compliment i'm like that's not the north shore handshake that's how ladies greet each other that's like the universal code for women who hate each other it's not just the north shore he is how it's gonna go down a kiss on the cheek a compliment then we're gonna order fried shrimp then Susan's gonna have to go pee then lysa's gonna wait there outside the door and say did you finish i've been waiting then they're gonna come back to the table together and then we're gonna get our own appetizers then after we're done lysa's gonna wipe her mouth with a napkin and then after we've eaten our entire meal she's gonna yell at Susan and that's how we do it in the north shore it's the north shore handshake paralyzed so stupid here's how the north shore handshake goes okay you put one hand forward you put the other hand in the other hand and then immediately you both get paralyzed and fall off the ground north shore parallelization parallelization handshake i love how everything on the show is they're like this is how we do things on the north shore it's so different i mean raising three teenage girls on the north shore i mean do you know how hard it is to explain to these children life is not like this and you're waiting to see the kids riding around in a Bentley and they're not it's like a broken sprinkler and like a bent fork and like a leopard carpet okay hey mom what are you making for dinner oh my god kids in the north shore right like mom you dumb ah the north shore i'm telling you kids kids in the north shore hey mom can i get ten dollars to go the mall oh my god the kids in the north shore i don't know i don't know if kids across America get their periods but my kids did and that's how we do it on the north shore that bleeding once a month i mean that north shore am i right my kids are going to high school and then to college i mean enough enough already with these north shore kids so good um uh so then where are we going oh they're talking to Amy and Amy is we see her with her little roller bag and she's she's she's she's already home she's like the flight was canceled because of Hurricane Anwar author Hurricane Ath i can't even say it i keep saying hurricane Anwar i'm like oh Anwar this was a hurricane we were so excited for hurricane Anwar but then it didn't do anything and then Hurricane Bella you know put some rain on the porch and no Hurricane Bella destroyed a city Hurricane Bella got pulled over by Hurricane police for having a DUI which one got pulled over wait it's Bella i'm already forgetting that show now i can't even remember the kids Bella Anwar and then what's the other one oh GG yeah Bella Bella was a Bella was a disappointment of a of a tornado but the GG tornado was amazing Bella was just a tropical storm we're so sad for her she when she made landfall she became a tropical storm and then got arrested the hurricane was arrested and put in jail by meteorological jail but GG was an amazing hurricane she was caught going five and broke every levy in the Gulf of Mexico you're so proud of her Anwar was a good storm in the beginning but at the end it was just another storm that looked like Bella but wasn't his power full yeah he was just a thunderstorm really Anwar was a broken sprinkler in the front yard oh my god sprinkler paralyzed paralyzed so then we start talking Amy in the sounds like mom who's like blinking like a psychopath by the way something's wrong with that kid which we already knew last week after the tutu and the ice cream truck but he's the only one talking any sense into his mother right now he's like so to get canceled because of when you say hurricane arthur do you mean the hurricane or you're just talking metaphorically she's like no hurricane in the sky it's literally the hurricane is named Arthur listen if you're about to go to a romantic vacation with a man with a hurricane named after him that breaks the vacation that's a sign girl that's a sign girl listen god i'm just trying to tell you something i want to tell you all something right now i fall in love with the hurricane okay like it's a very tumultuous relationship like i love him he doesn't treat me right he was blowing me over but you know what i think he really has feelings for me hurricane author made me wet i had to come home like i'd use he blew the roof off of my motel six okay you know i know i know i know he did it because he loves me all right you know we're up and down but you know though all hurricanes blow things over it's okay i'm gonna be spending the weekend in bed with storm shutters up okay but otherwise we're in love he loves me no one sees us when we're alone and he's so loving to me he got really mad at me because i put tape on my windows i was like i'm sorry but you're a hurricane he said but don't you love me so i take the windows off i take the tape off and broke the windows but he loves me i know he did because he loves me the other day he threatened to break all the windows in my car and shove the cockies up my vagina because i you know i didn't hug him when he got home i mean you know who does that like offering sex right when he got home from a hard day of work who does that i mean he's so romantic he's the most beautiful storm i've ever met um but actually amy actually says that she's been she goes she says that she's been with Arthur for seven years and that her goal is to get married i'm like babe if you've been together for seven years and you still haven't even seen a ring you are not getting married and if you do it's going to be a sham marriage move on lady it's been seven years move on move on and then she gives on saying like well you know everyone fights everyone fights i'm like well people may have that argument once in a while but they don't fight multiple times over the course of a week and they break up and get back together again you just you can't pawn it off as this is as if this is normal behavior although i do have to say in this cast i believe it because every but the the the weirdest thing about this show to me is that the men are just openly abusive to the women okay whether they're you know and the women too i mean look nobody's hit anybody i don't mean that i mean uh verbally they're so rude to each other it's like foreplay to be mean to each other they're just like oh you're an idiot you're an idiot i love you babe oh you're breast smells like a dead person oh yeah you're probably getting blow jobs in the truck stop in jail oh yeah remember that blow job oh i love you kiss kiss what what's happening who what how do people live like this they just yell at each other it's like a weird old it's like a it's like an old-fashioned dynamic but without any of like the grace and courtesy that comes with old-timey things yeah Amy's like look you know kids don't understand relationships because they're kids you know i mean look happy meals make kids think that everything's really happy that's just not how it is you know they need to start giving kids happy meals that you open and there's not a toy there's just a fist that comes out and punches you and then throws you keys to a lease i mean that's love really we need to teach our children i just wish we could have made it to the Bahamas because if we went to the Bahamas everything would have been fixed for no good reason at least in the Bahamas we can fight with that my friends judging me about it so then um so now gala rhymes gala rhymes at gurney's and what i love is that gala rhymes dress the nines like she is like fully dressed up she's like okay girls i'll be right back i just have to change it's like what you're gonna change to a ball gown next like what could you possibly be changing into like why do you need a special outfit just to drive i understand like i understand the car out but you know but the car outfit is normally like a t-shirt and jeans it's like something that you could like if you get sweaty or something like that on the ride because the sun's beaming in through the glass you can change out of that but like don't dress up like you're friggin going to some amazing beach party in your car and then get there and change again and then she just put on the same thing she was wearing before but tighter it does look the same color she's like but it's home right now um yeah so she went to change and they got like the presidential suite of the motel six she's like look at this oh it's so fancy i'm like there's like Trader Joe's Prosecco sitting there with dirty like white wine glasses and like animal crackers she's like oh they're treating us like the royalty we are hun and then the the husband pops a cork into her face yeah so so romantic yeah that was a really nice moment he's like you're good at ducking it's like a wedding um so then they finally go have they dinner they bake dinner in male pennant and that's when Susan uh Susan tells a story about how she takes John to tie her owns to get all his suits and someone's like what's Tyrone's she's like I am shocked that your husband doesn't shap there how does your husband not shap at Tyrone's Tyrone's preeminent preeminent couturia for the North Shore and Gail knows what Tyrone's is too Gail's like Tyrone's oh it doesn't sound classy i'm gonna look up Tyrone's right now Tyrone's Long Island because I have to see this place you know it's all gonna be like weird paisy pattern shit Tyrone's yeah it's like it's a fat guy store that sells those weird Tommy Bahama flower print shirts that people you know like straight guys in their 40s start wearing for no reason I don't know where that came from but they're like I'm 40 now so you know the kids are out so I'm gonna start wearing floured Tommy Bahama shirts well I went onto their website Tyrone men.com and this is what's on the website there's a logo that just says Tyrone and under it says men's clothing sports were in accessories and then there's a little other than there's a little thing that is like a rotate that it says because it's what's inside that counts and that that then it goes to creating a heritage of excellence in menswear and it goes it's on the inside that counts I told you it was a fat guy store and then the next and then the next thing is like a little clip art thing of like a fancy building and that's all that there is a logo a gift of phrases and a little clip art thing well I know that there's fat clothes in there I'm going to Tyrone's what do you mean you don't know what Tyrone's is who doesn't know what Tyrone's is what do you don't know what Target is either she's like yes I know what Target is I put it on the secretary's heads and then I get a gun and then I shoot it and try and get that apple off it's like no the store it's for poor people people who work I have a job the waiters like what would you guys lady what would you ladies like to eat tonight she's like a job I would like a job the only thing that can fulfill me is a job bring me job a side of job I'm sorry I'm still looking at the tire I'm still trying to find stuff from the time to the Tyrone you're like trying to decode the gift I'm like I want to see pictures of inside Tyrone oh I'll do an image search Tyrone's Long Island maybe do a periscope maybe they're on periscope maybe they're like yeah next time you go to the Hamptons don't worry about that big plane seat just get some pants from Tyrone's and that double seat belt it'll all work out in the end Tyrone's if you do if you do like image search for Tyrone's Long Island all you do is get like some very like nice photos of handsome black men and they're like all like engagement photos it's so funny like there's nothing but engagement photos of black men of you Tyrone's Long Island there's one black man named in Long Island and it's Tyrone's and he sells fat clothes and they're also a lot and they're all engaged they're all engaged so the food starts coming to the table and gales look when a big family bowl of mac and cheese comes down she almost barfed on that table I know she she truly almost lost it and by the way that mac and cheese looked so good I was like oh my god just insert me into that scene I don't care if I have to talk about Tyrone's I will be there to eat that mac and cheese so they make fun of her and then start talking about Amy's abusive relationship and Susan's like okay everyone you know what she means and they just look at her quiet yeah a job okay she does a job I said it I said it it's like jesus lady she didn't get a job everything she's like I mean she's making Vicky gun will send look like a slacker you know because that's she she doesn't remember Vicky's line used to be like she doesn't work she doesn't work but now like if she needs a job she's a job but what I like is that I like when Susan goes after Amy and it's like so you've known you've known Amy for I'm sorry after Andy and she's like you've known Amy for a long time so how come you don't give Amy any good advice that's like whoa and he's like excuse me listen if I could get into her bed and sleep in her bed every single night and then you get married to her and get less money from them from my three men I would but I can't that's how much I love her um and then uh Liza's like well I heard you said that you know all I want all I want is like a less I wait you said that I'm depressed because I'm moving from one big house to a less big house that was not cool and Susan's like oh look I was saying that because Andy was saying that you know all you need is a man with some money and Andy's like I would never ever say that all right and then it cuts to her being like well she needs a man with enough money to keep hurting like when I said she needed a rich man you know riches when chocolate is too dark that's what I meant like maybe someone darker and she's like no you said she needed a rich guy you know I'm just calling it like it is because I have a job and that's what you have to do at work there's no piddle paddling around you work and you work and then you type some more and then you you punch out you go home and that's it that's it I'm just sorry I when are you still looking at fucking tyros no I went onto their facebook page and I found a suit that they're selling and I'm going to share it right now on our page because it is great hold on tyros fresh new look from tyros of long long island post this right now sharing this photo it's amazing you have to go look at it right now I command you to okay I command you I'm sorry people I'm sorry that I did not listen to Ronnie's latest rant because I was looking at tyros I'm sure it was the same as every other oh my god it's like hypnotize them they won't know you're fat like this pattern this pattern is blinding even res that would be like whoa whoa this makes me loopy oh it's a c-word day it's so funny someone wrote on her facebook I would just like to say I am pro the c-word especially when it comes to housewives that's funny it's everybody's commenting on the c-word I have been saying it a lot though I'm sorry I don't mean it as I've said this before but I honestly don't even mean it as a disrespect to women I mean it in the old English way where that's just what you call idiots like I guess it's kind of how we say asshole here um my little british friend says the c-word all the time and I just think it's hilarious and I took it on and I will stop it because it's not nice not nice I get it all right oh I get it and I'll stop it um what else is going on on twitter while we're just like completely going off and not talking about the show anymore um I'd like to hear your well nothing really else happened what happened on reddit oh girl we will talk about that actually during our bonus next week I need to read this again so I remember did you hear what happened already okay we'll talk about it in the bonus because this will take forever I have no idea I'm no idea what happened but yes whoever's putting this on reddit yes I want to go on reddit with Ben and do an AMA and talk to you are we on reddit are we on reddit what's happening no but there's a bravo there's a subreddit called bravo real housewives and they talk about the housewives stuff and I guess there are listeners on there and I used to read that all the time when we used to talk about housewives news and stuff I used to go source it all from reddit because there's good stories and then there's very funny people commenting on all the stories I love it I would contribute to reddit if I could but I'm always afraid since I have no reddit history that I post any people would be like whatever noob so I'm just like okay I'll just like do but who cares I'm my reddit score is so low because I'm really evil and you know people don't take my shit I like you know what you read it you know what your reddit score needs a job a job my reddit score all it needs is a job that's all it needs I go on to reddit and I'm immediately paralyzed paralyzed too many things sharing after all of this so back to this dinner she's saying job job job and and Susan's like I just don't think she needs to be so materialistic and finally gale who never says anything except what's a target says I can't believe she called her materialistic I mean that's just going to fall it's like says the woman with ruthless people house and a tiny little car that her about husband and a face it resembles nothing of her own stop and the woman just has to change clothes says the yeah exactly says says the woman whose dinner is just macaroni and cheese vapors shut up so well so then and then Susan's like look I understand change I've been through change all right I go through change I save change I got a little bolder put change in because that's what working people do every piece that changed counts all right change oh god yeah well she starts saying how that when john came out of prison he had to start over and she actually believe it or not she actually was making a point she was basically saying don't be scared like don't and that was her original point with with Andy when she's talking she wasn't saying oh she needs to shut up and get a job saying listen I like I know she's scared about losing the house but what she should do is get a job like be her own woman and get her own house etc that's actually what she was saying and it actually made sense in that context that she was saying you're like yeah she's like my husband knows what it's like to go to one big house to a smaller house I know what you're going through we have tons of macaroni in the new house so but she was basically saying like I know it's like to start over then and he's like well excuse me I just have to say something you know it wasn't just a mistake he stole from people he stole from people you know my ex-husband who's also in jail he did bad things too and I own up to that I was like Jesus these women they really know how to pick their eyes and she's like yeah but he got over it he made a mistake she's like yeah but the people who got stolen from didn't get over it like and that's a good point I'm so and this is real house was in Jersey all the way where it's like what Tony said what he did wrong and now he's going to be okay you know and everything's great no because he ripped off a lot of people like they're not okay did he give them their money back no I think that Susan what Susan should have said which I would have actually been okay with it was like yeah he did steal and it was wrong but he went to jail for two and a half years and he paid his you know he paid his you know paid the price for that you know like he lost two and a half years in jail and got raped so if she said that then it'd be like okay that's cool um I want to point out a comment from the recap uh a trash talk uh from distressed Jesus H Christ I felt badly about my mean comments on the premiere recap so then I googled a scumbag husband of the piece of human detreous known as Susan Doneson secrets and wives what is Susan's ex-con husband John do John spent two years in jail for securities fraud he and his business partner Hunter Adams who is allegedly associated with the Gambino organized crime family ran the now defunct Preston Langley asset management ink in somewhere Long Island in Manhattan he was sentenced to 46 months plus three blah blah blah his restitution was set at almost 17 million dollars because that 88 cents makes all the difference in the world to all the victims of his crimes this guy's a sociopath blah blah blah but yeah this doesn't sound good and also wouldn't fuck with him no I think now that I've read that John do you look thin love the suit you look great you look great by all means eat whatever you want don't worry about wasting your calories on bread eat whatever you want you're eating tonight every single night John you do it he wears many patterns as you want on here you go to Tyrone every single day go go go go back there go go there twice a day get all the pays to get all the pattern all the polka dots he looks great on you John and we've changed John fans yeah actually but I actually do enjoy John even if he even if he did go to well he went to jail you know he did it he went to jail in my mind I did it he's he's clean he did it he fixed it he'd he he served his time and then uh Susan's like listen I don't think it's fair you know you can't walk in somebody else's shoes I mean except my husband who literally walked in shoes that he stole from other people like but he knows what it means literally otherwise don't be judging me I mean everyone's so judgmental when John got in trouble we went to court and even the judge was being judgmental I mean they called her a freaking judge I'm sick of it I'm sick of it I've had it I've had enough oh wait gotta go to work job work John walk in someone else's shoes for once okay get them from Tyrone go to Tyrone to get someone else's shoes so that's it for secrets and wives next week a lot of men being semi abusive and women crying that men are buying them enough things yeah fun so um love the show love it hilarious and now we have Shah's the Shah's reunion so I mentioned this on Facebook when the reunion started up they had some of that like pre reunion footage of them like in their dressing rooms and stuff they shot this thing at the Emerson Theater which is a club right on Hollywood and La Brea directly adjacent to the coffee shop that I'm always I go to that coffee shop that's where I do my writing that's where I do my real like LA screenwriter stuff I go to that coffee shop serious writers go to a coffee shop that's right and of course like the one day I didn't go to that coffee shop but I remember walking by there like it was like three weeks ago or where I think it was around three weeks ago or so and there were all these production bands outside the Emerson Theater I was like oh they're shooting something in there but I was on the other side of the street and I was too lazy to go and see what it was and if only I had followed the scent of Drakhar Noir I would have been able to discover it was all the Shah's and Andy Cohen oh hi Gigi hi Reza hi Mike hi Asifa uh the beginning of a reunion and there we go oh it looks like you your boobs look bigger you do something to your lips what about your butt oh it's so disgusting Reza's like I shayed my mustache look everybody oh Reza that did not work out well for Reza he looks like a South Park version of himself yeah it was it was not not his finest hair his hair was like making like a thought bubble above his head it was just sort of like spindling up towards something not cute he's like oh well 30 pounds Andy it was the mustache it was the mustache and Gigi Gigi looks like she's been stung by four bees okay everything's like swollen and puffy in strange places we can't talk about that because she's currently suing them for almost rape so I will say this though could have raped by the way mike looks good mike looked like he lost some weight he looked good was mike fat mike's not fat he just gets scuffy no but he had no this season he was like uh he was getting on the farther end of the husky spectrum you know turning into Andy we're like mike didn't mike get anything done what kind of gel do you think mike was wearing well it's one thing well we're we're just like evil podcasters and we carpet every little thing it's one thing to be the host of a reunion and the thing you open with is hey did you get a boob job did it this did it do that yeah let's talk about everybody's new body bites that their parents probably paid for yeah he um but I thought mike looked I thought mike looked good and I think that maybe he kept on seeing Sherman up on screen and was like well got to compete with that guy mm-hmm love shirt and he says hi hi hi and then he says don't worry there's no lie detectors and then it cuts to mike who's like eyes are darting back and forth terrified see I love that lie detector like that I'm like family with that lie detector also fuzz wearing this white dress and Andy compliments her dress and mike goes hey you were that to my wedding she's like I did not I wear a leopard to your wedding everyone's like oh my god you wore white someone else's wedding who would do that like this this crew suddenly has the dibs on manners I know they're like gonna fuck each other over at every turn but they know what to wear to a wedding you know I'm sure Jessica was pissed when Jessica saw ossiva in her like off white dress I'm sure Jessica's like I want to be the only one where I can't be sure to do that this is my day she's such a bitch I hate her why would she do that what a horrible person you're a horrible person well cuz you remember uh Unreal House House of New York City a few seasons ago when Alex McCord wore a bay show wedding and Jill Zaren had a fit yes that was amazing yeah that's a real thing yeah I know you're not that's that's some real shit that's a real stupid shit thing so only Andy showed pictures of uh how long everybody's known each other because they all met when they were young like really young kids and stuff and they were showing pictures of all of them which was kind of cute um but then they got Jay was so cute yeah and then they show the same uh they show the picture of Gigi and Mike I guess sitting by a pool or something and Gigi's arms are around Mike and they look so happy and and uh Andy's like uh when was this so you guys knew each other too and Gigi's like yeah I mean he I just knew him as some guy who's like around that my sister kind of knew I guess like uh and then they show the picture and they're like loving best friends forever I know it's like just erase it all just erase it who needs history just change it this is Texas we're just gonna rewrite the history and just give it to the kids I don't need to know mmm mmm stupid Gigi stupid stupid Gigi um so did you take notes on this show I took no notes oh you didn't okay so I'll lead you through here yeah you just lead it you lead it down we go through um after all of this this is right after Gigi's like oh yeah we barely need each other whatever and Andy kind of calls her on it um and Andy's asking you know what was Gigi like when she was 13 the same with a knife but with a knife um MJ then MJ they're already being really nasty at each other at this point and MJ's like yeah we're like a family and I thought that's so fake but then I considered the family that she comes from I'm like well actually they are like family they're mean well yeah I'd let's say the shaws are like notorious for every season they just hide behind that umbrella term like they will do the nastiest things to each other be so evil and then they'll be like but we're family so as if it somehow excuses this behavior you up pretty much and then we go on to more boobs and diets uh rest of MJ's boobs MJ's you got new boobs MJ got new boobs wait did she say she got new boobs uh I don't think so but I think she just was her boobs she wore this dress I was doing this weird side under boob thing it was just she was kind of out of control with that it was not it was not charming it was like someone had like strapped her up into an ill-fitting pappus it was like too little Danny DeVito twins trying to escape damn you ruthless people I mean there was that whole montage later in the episode of like MJ trying to adjust her boobs and like everything just sort of like moving around in this weird ridiculous way I don't know MJ's really got I know she likes to put her body out there but she really has to think about better ways of putting it out there well then they address that because they moved to Asapha and they say uh and Asapha if you have anything done she's like my boobs and then Rose was like and your nose and she's like I did not get my nose done have you seen pictures of me and then they show picture of her with a gigantic nose yeah it's like what are you doing arm shading on your nose come on she's like I just do a lot of contouring yeah my nose looks like MJ's arm now okay my nose is peach okay it's peach my nose is always reaching for ham I don't know why but why don't you be a man and compliment my nose for once be a man so then they bring up uh then I just like the plastic surgery circle and so MJ is denying having an ass implant because Andy says somebody's had an ass implant and she's like I did not have an ass implant okay I have fat put into my ass it's like they have all these different levels of what's acceptable and what's not like why is it okay to go get fat put in your ass but not to get an implant put in like what's the difference like it's not organic I mean get out of here I think Whole Foods bitch and um and then MJ goes on this thing where she's like look everyone's accusing her basically of having the butt job which why would you that's like getting a trailer on a suburban like who needs that you've already got a suburban you can you could drive an entire orphanage around on that thing get the u-hole off of there anyway so she's like you know what you guys I really don't like talking about my body because I really put myself out there with my body and I get a lot of criticism for it but I'm being strong for other women I'm like shut up m&j feminist icon yeah exactly we've seen your bikini ass on TMZ for years okay it's not like you're just okay with your body now look I'm glad that you're okay with your body it's me who's trying to get to be okay with that okay close the drapes on the front of that building bitch I love how she is like draping this all in in like talks of feminism like she's standing up for women yet at the same time all our actions do is just like is basically tear down other women that's all she does every single season yeah she's like I really care about women and I show them because like I am power women because women can swim and drown and I'm like women don't drown get swimming pool noodles put in your lips you see I'm saving women you guys yes all women yeah no she was fully ridiculous and then I think they got I think relatively quickly early on they got into the whole bachelor party issue right yeah where where also was coming after mj right away she was coming yeah deservedly so deserved you know she's like oh you care about women really then why were you talking about my weight because you're on national tv talking about my weight do you know how destructive that is to women you need to empower other women by having them put on burkas and walk around the seafood planet buffet empowering a woman oh my god I know and MJ is like well no um I was I was just making I was just like having some fun it wasn't serious and you put it out there like I was I mean because I also had a point I mean just because MJ was coming but was was making fun of her weight on national tv well yeah but they were talking about weight and who the fuck you think you're kidding she's like I'm 115 get out of here weren't they talking about a diet or personal training or something they were talking about getting in shape yeah I don't know I don't think female empowerment is like I don't know feminine feminism is just so ass backwards now like feminism means like helping your friend lie about their weight now I don't get it well feminism's always had that problem of like is this feminism mean being equal equal to men whereas meaning that like you know you don't open a door for women because it's like we're equal or whatever or is feminism mean like um I forget I forget the other problem it was that long ago okay even coffee is it's like it's like are we equal or do we have to do special things that are separate we've all forgotten feminism okay Joyce Carol Oates was on Twitter this week did you read this yes she went on Twitter and saw a picture of Jurassic Park Steven Spielberg was standing next to a dead dinosaur and what did she tweet she was like are there no concert conservationist fighting against this travesty people are like uh people aren't sure if she was joking or not you know if she was not joking look at her Twitter it's cray cray I think the issue feminism is is like do is feminism does that mean that women should get special treatment because it's like impact like do like women only things you know where it's like oh this is a thing for women or like curves as a gym for women because that's like empowering women and get whatever or as feminism mean like there's no line men and women are absolutely equal and there should be no special no consideration that I think those are the two prongs are always at war and I don't know but I know that we're never going to learn about feminism on this channel that's for sure nothing to bridge the gap between those two ideologies yeah um feminism just means like boop like having boobs yeah res is a feminist woman for example women um so what am I looking at here oh Ramona Blue oh no this over this is done by Ramona Blue so um yes there were but they were fighting about the bachelor party and mj party yeah bachelor and this is where mj and res were just being so like stupid because mj was like well she was coming up with excuses as to why asa couldn't come but then when they cornered res and were like well you know it was your party why couldn't you put your foot down he's like I tried I tried it's like no like all you had to do was call up asa against mj's which doesn't be like oh by the way this is the bachelor party come to it you know like yeah he acts like you so defenseless like I did my best but like that's so Persian for me to go against the organizer of my bachelor party and asa but I'm fun I mean I don't know why you guys wouldn't want me there I mean so I'm not a big drinker but I'm still fun and then they show clips of the party and res are making out with some stripper and like all the shit that was going down and then they show asa's face and she's disgusted like she you know she would have been there with a windex and shit being like I said no pee on the floor i sort of been there be like guys you know what would be really fun right now would be if we did some poetry maybe but why don't we get the go-go boys here and like let them share something about their their heritage yeah everybody put on a burka um so then it becomes this big fight and res is pretending that he was totally with asa on this and mj finally gets so mad because asa won't stop with her this whole thing she's going after mj everything that said she makes it up something about mj and so finally mj says well he doesn't even want you there it was his idea not to have you there to be honest and then everybody just skips over that like she never said it and he skips it res is gives us his kiss because they all know it's awesome i mean they all know it's res are they all know they know he's an asshole but he's the biggest scariest asshole there so they kiss his butt no matter what yeah it's true um and then and he says well what did you tell at him about the bachelor party and he's like i told him i don't remember i don't remember anything so he's not mad and then mike's like oh really you didn't remember and that's okay for you not to remember but it wasn't okay for me not to remember and he's like listen i didn't almost fuck one of my friends i did fuck someone i didn't know it's different very different yeah well well res is said well i owned up to it i owned up to it but it's like no you didn't even call your fiance he had to find out by watching a promo on bravos you actually didn't it's the exact same thing as that would happen with mike which is that he did not own up to it and then this footage came out shot by some serious person i'm like like who could it be who could it be well i'm like oh i wonder there was only like 30 producers on this set like with you in turkey i wonder who could have shot this yeah and then it turns into this huge fight and res is just start screaming and yelling res is like crazy he was like he was like oh you do his floss you floss that Bentley it's not even a real Bentley isn't old Bentley it's like ten years old huh that's like so far the house but i'm with cash you have nothing you have nothing to floss and and he's like uh what's flossing plus the old seats you've got that in chicago and mike's like well so what like i like it or whatever he's like you're so fake you're so flossing you're just going to remember the bad Bentley i was like jesus res are like what that weird this it came he just went off the rails yeah he's just a mean evil person and then when he went on that i think i skipped over it because i couldn't even write it down but when he was talking about adam and then res is starts that whole earnest thing which is even more of a lie without the mustache isn't that weird but you can see his like dishonest upper lip you need to re-hide that thing because it's twisty and gross yeah um but it looks dishonest you know he looks like a villain with a snarled lip while he's talking and he's like well you know this whole thing with adam i mean who really even cares i mean just like then he starts yelling at mike about jessica and all this other shit and then he starts his whole i felt terrible because i love adam and knowing that i heard adam i mean that's like the most horrible thing in the world and that trip was horrible it was terrible all i did was sit in my room and cry you don't get to be the asshole in the relationship yeah and then get the pity for being the asshole it doesn't work like that okay the victim gets the pity and the victim is such a pussy that he won't even show up to have to watch these clips to the bachelor party because you know everybody's gonna ask you why you staying with this fool who's cheating on you in front of america's face like what kind of pussy are you dude there will be plenty of men who will fulfill your porn dream of not wearing underwear and then squirming on your face like whatever you don't need this fat idiot resett stop stop he's gross i know yeah the resett was really out of control and he was honestly even though they hate jessica it's still like mike's wife and he was just like being so vicious and awful i mean we can do that because we don't know either of them and we're podcasters but they're allegedly saying but we're all family and i love him like a brother but his wife is a bitch and she's out of control of it although resett was right because jessica is like the if you want to talk about the flossing i mean she if we can borrow some terminology from 2001 she is like the queen of that shit like and for mike to act like she isn't is also ridiculous because jessica is probably more materialistic than any of those bitches on secrets and wives yeah well they're all terrible so like if we're going to talk about who's a terrible person won't be here all day they're all terrible i mean like i saw mike at the star of a down the street from my house i saw him at starbucks one oh also i have something else to tell you but i saw mike down the street at starbucks one day and his bus was outside with his face on it i was like oh man this is real you actually ride this thing around and he's like hey hate everybody in the starbucks i was like oh no but i wanted to tell you i had a bravo sighting and i never have them and this was actually last week but i was in the liquor store and uh the guy one of the guys from euros of hollywood was there the tall um shaved head brunette guy i think he's the one the germite is still in russia right the german one the german um i wasn't the one who's a dj yeah yeah and i said oh hey i love your show what is it gonna come back and he's like you know the thing that is so difficult is that we are all in different places and it's just trying to figure out when we can all be in the same place again i'm like girl you know that he got fired but whatever but um silly was super nice and he was like i think i looked buddy he was the tank he called him the tank i forgot his name but it was like Sebastian or spank tank like that i forget i know but anyway i thought that was you i never have bravo sightings were actually talked to them so i had to say so yeah i had my liquor store you guys i mean my liquor store there's someone from euros of hollywood i'm trying to remember like a few weeks ago i was gonna mention this in the podcast and i forgot but uh now the story is not even gonna make sense because i don't remember half of it but someone was saying something about how like oh we're gonna have nyala like have you ever seen have you ever gotten the jewellery from nyala oh that's what it was i had some like trashy people in my uber and they were talking about how yeah i got this i got this ring from nyala have you ever been there before and i was like i was like nyala that's you're also a hollywood and there was that time i did take the i think i did mention this on the podcast a few months ago when i took um some of the workers from nyala while i uber them to work so i was like oh i was like you guys have a reality show on your store they're like yeah we know we're there we work there we know i know um wait so um uh we were talking about oh so mic and so mic so the thing is that so after reza just goes off on mic and he's just so nasty then they're like they pause for commercial and mic basically tells reza i'm going to kill you and then we come back from break and reza's like by the way i just would like to apologize to mic that was really mean of me and i got carried away and i'm very sorry for that i really apologize you have a really lovely albeit cheap and old Bentley and i apologize for that i was like you are such a fucker reza or you are such a fucker and it turned out i mean i guess we've always known this but i can't believe that reza can't disguise his shit better because it turns out that he's just mad he doesn't even care about all this no one even cares about this like could have raped they only care that mic stopped talking to them when he got a girlfriend or he started talking to them less that's all it's about he said it five times homeboy homeboy makes no effort no effort whatsoever he doesn't make it effort at all why would he do not remember telling everybody what a poor loser he was last year and how he'll never be a career person because he's too stupid and he's too stupid to even share an office with you and he's an idiot and blah blah blah and his girlfriend's just a hanger on who would want to hang out with your stupid ass you're such a mean person i don't blame mic like when mic is going to jessica to be the nice one you know you're a dick yeah plus on on top of that i don't know why they want to hang out with mic because he is so sanctimonious and he actually talks down to everyone so much and then when he gets drunk he's a belligerent drunk so i don't i don't actually see the upside to mic i don't understand why they're also they just go there separate ways and be happy with their own awful friends yeah um they're all terrible just hang out with shirvin morn i like that they're terrible even if people on other shows mj named her dog toya after toya on mary to me yeah wow i feel so flattered ujim guess what that crazy cuz i lady over on on shards of sunset she never dog after my face hey ujim we should give people prescriptions so that they don't know what's wrong with them lg that pussy and lady she never dog after me it's not cool and then mj is like but i did it because you know you name your dog after people you like and she just has such a pretty flat face god evil evil toya all right so what else happened here well then one of my favorite thing am i missing something well just the way that it ended with gg what what gg hurled out at the end of the episode uh well first mic got in trouble for texting cuz he kept texting jessica during the reunion yes which was great um mic refused to admit remembering uh anything that happened with the drunkenness but his face said yes yeah and he's like i don't answer changes and he's like and resis says he changed when he found out about the footage of them walking into the hotel room and then mike's like yeah that was bullshit you know like we didn't know that footage existed and there was no one there they were like hiding in a corner or something and and he's like oh really well we wouldn't do that we wouldn't set you up like that bravo why would bravo set you up on a reality show uh he's like we wouldn't do that i mean who here set him up who here filmed that and then it's just quiet don't don't don't these this show is bad when they're shooting each other yeah in hallways to use against each other the next year that's not good friendship you guys go to the pomas well then it then it goes from bad to worse because then you then like mike as as awful as mike is i'm actually feeling bad for the guy because they are just being so nasty to him and then things go from bad to worse when did you just like oh yeah by the way didn't you um have sex with my sister on the day you got engaged didn't you do that and like jesus it was like it was just like one of these things that felt so made up and on top that's like oh and now you're gonna throw your sister i mean i know she hates your sister but still it was the whole thing just felt i don't know that it was made up i actually kind of believe it because he uh according to the comments on our facebook which is where i learned everything uh they used to date in high school so well i guess it was like an old friend fuck and then when andy said wait a second you had sex with her on the night you got engaged and he's like no no i didn't well it's funny because it when gg said that my initial reaction was like oh my god this woman is despicable but and at first mike was like what but then the look on mike's face he looked so nervous and scared he looked so busted i was like wait a second maybe this is true yeah i thought it was true because his excuse or his uh alibi or whatever and he said so you did it and he's like no i mean she just helps me go suit shopping when because you did that in the daytime you went suit shopping at night with gg sister we know you get your suits downtown i do not believe that you drove home from alibu at what was that sunset was it sunset when they were getting that done anyway it was probably afternoon you drove your ass an hour and a half back home from alibu an hour and a half or two hours with that fucking car and then you dropped her off and then took a shower and then went to pick up this other chick and then drove downtown to buy suits no don't believe you i don't know what to believe anymore i mean don't believe i thought his i thought did you have sex with gg sister i didn't you shariel shariel so then there's a wait what else happened i think that was it basically and then right before this huge rant gg's like i don't even care about the you know hitting on me and wherever i don't even care that you did that people get drunk and hit on each other all the time who cares it's like what she's like i just don't like being told i'm a liar when did we get to this point who cares and then andi says well if you know it seems like you care she's like well you know i just didn't like being called a liar and then that bitch Jessica bring her out because that bitch started to warn i'm gonna finish it and andi's like well she's just retaliating to you on instagram yeah and he was doing a lot of uh investigative journalism in this one you're like well she's just responding to you and she's like no she wasn't responding to me i said something and then she said something i was like that's what responding to you means like what do you think you can just say whatever you want about somebody and they just have to sit there and take it i don't understand how the logic works with this group well gg gg is sort of dumb because it's not about the fact that mike thinks that she's a liar because at the beginning of the season she says that what has been bothering her is that mike tried to make a move on her it made her feel uncomfortable which is fine that's a legit complaint to have and then she didn't she didn't confront him at all she held it in she put everyone in the middle and then it became a whole thing and then she then she accused him of like basically trying to rape her and then it became a whole thing and now she did the reunion saying her issue is not that he tried to make a move on her the issues that he lied about like he that he called her a liar well no because the initial issue is not that he didn't even know about this so you can't she's actually changed her entire story that's a good point yeah she's just stupid to remember but we have things written down yeah i mean lady look i'm gonna flip through my notebook and tell you a note real housewives of um gamble no makeup litty explains what a reunion is you see we have notes so a row union is where people get together and they haven't seen each other for a while and the host has some questions well i think we've covered i think we've covered everything i think we've really done it i think we've done it this is going to become a 12-hour podcast by the time we're done we're done and we do it because we love it and we are now being supported on patreon dot com slash watch what crapins please go there if you have an alt and subscribe for the bonus podcast the ringers which are coming out the google hangout is next thursday night at six p in pacific and it's going to be better this time we're going to be using a still google hangouts but we're going to have a whole room that people who aren't in the actual video chat can actually come watch and we can all talk together even if it's through chat you know and we'll take turns on the video and stuff to kind of upgrade that whole experience for you guys also go on our facebook facebook dot com slash watch what crapins to talk shit with other readers during the week and today some funny good stuff on there thank you guys for leaving it uh twitter we're at what crapins and i suppose we're going to be on reddit soon talking some talking some reddit stuff so yeah for that we love you guys and thank you so much to every body for everything you do for us hey hey boy everybody say boy pin boy boy if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the side show network of launch the new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like regi watts taught glass lies a slice finger slicing drab and friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and i still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own own benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any 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