Is it just me or is TV gotten really complicated? Thankfully, Fylo has changed that for me, one service, all the stuff I need. Fylo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss, live on networks like A&E, Paramount, Discovery, and TLC. Classics like The Office, Martin, and Friends that I never get sick of, and all the incredible originals on AMC+ from Mad Men Hello to Orphan Black. And don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and re-watch anytime for a whole year. Never miss a minute of shows like The Golden Girls, you know I'm always watching The Golden Girls, and Fylo has it. Best of all, with Fylo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contract, no hassles. Just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Fylo.tv and check it out for a free seven-day trial. That's p-h-i-l-o.tv to start watching. Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles that you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. There's more to imagine when you listen, and one title that I've been listening to is my friend Neil J. Young's Coming Out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. This week, the whole internet was talking about Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair Magazine. If you missed it, then you missed out. And people who subscribe to Vanity Fair Magazine got to see it all. Well, guess what? You don't have to subscribe to Vanity Fair Magazine. You can go to nextissue.com and you got not only Vanity Fair Magazine, but you can get Esquire, Vogue, Bon Appetit, Wired, Sports Illustrated, whatever. Go to nextissue.com/crapins and you can get involved in all this. The next issue app brings you the very best in stories, news, photos, and more. You can enjoy all the top magazines on your tablet or phone, sports, entertainment, health, politics, travel, and whatever else you want. It's all there. Try it for 30 days for free. Just go to nextissue.com/crapins. It satisfies any interest you could possibly have. So get your free 30-day trial at nextissue.com/crapins now and discover the app gives you all the articles and stories to fit all your interests. That's over $15 in savings. Nextissue.com/crapins. [Music] Hey everyone. Welcome to Watch More Crapins. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast. And joining me as always is the charming and funny and hilarious and chocolate tea drinking Ronnie Cameron. Hello, Ben, from trashtalktv.com. Hi, Ronnie. Hi there. Yeah, I am drinking a little chocolate at the bottom of my tea. It's a day for a lot of caffeine. Just pour that tea in the chupo mocha girl. Yeah, if anyone thought that was actually doing a variation on slang, like, "Oh, Ronnie is drinking the tea." No, he's actually drinking tea with chocolate in it. I had some chocolate left over from my two-pump mocha that I splurged on today and I thought, "You know what? I'm just gonna make that last with some Chinese diet tea on top." Yeah, why not? Chinese diet chocolate tea. Yeah. Well, that sounds like a really exciting experience for you. And this podcast is very exciting for both of us. And for all of you out there, be sure to follow us on social media. If you go to WatchwhereCrapins.com, you can find all our Instagram and Twitter and all those links. I hit 2,000 people on Instagram last time. I was very excited. Wow, that's so exciting. You don't know. Like, have shirtless pigs. I know. That's why it took so long. It was very exciting. And then you're like, "But why am I so excited? It's just a number, but who cares?" So, of course, our Facebook page, speaking about hitting big numbers, our Facebook page is on the verge of hitting 4,000 likes. We are like, I think we're like 20 or 30 people away. Love it. I read that thing three times a day, Ben. I actually am hooked on it. Like, if I've got nothing to do or if I'm sitting in the toilet, then I like check Twitter, check Instagram, check our page. And I go over it over and over and over again. Make your phone rounds. Yeah, then I'm like, "Oh, I should check email too." So, yeah, we are actually at, I don't know how many likes we have. We're at 3966. That's pretty awesome, guys. So, thank you everyone who has been, who has liked us recently and has liked us for a long time. It means a lot. It's a great page. And of course, last but not least, we have our lovely Patreon page where you can come and support this dear old podcast. If you support us, you get access to a bonus episode. Like, the main podcast is always going to be free, but you get bonus content. If you support us and the monthly hangout and ringtones. So, that's also worth it. We had a fun bonus episode this week. We talked about Caitlyn Jenner and you can listen to the older ones where we talk about who knows what. Mad Max, gay issues. You know, it's all the same. Gay-ish. I was on the Deep Thoughts podcast this week that our friend Angie does. Angie Thomas, who comes on this show. That just came out today. And that is Thoughts THOTS, by the way, the slang thoughts. And we talked about gay stuff on there too. I just can't get enough of talking about gay things. I'm so confused by gayness that I like asking other people about it. So, that was fun. Yeah, sometimes on our bonus episode, we get real into it. We get real academic and such about gayness. And we'll talk for like 45 minutes about our gay identities and share personal stories. And then sometimes we'll be like, "So, what's trending on Twitter?" So, yeah. If you support us on Patreon, there's a lot of fun content there that you can mine for your own entertainment. And speaking of mine, speaking of big old mines, big old holes in the ground, why don't we talk about some of these Bravo shows, huh? Let's do it. Oh, yeah. And so, I'm going to Leah Black's book signing in the book, "Zoop in West Hollywood." It's 7 p.m. So, come on by, anyone who wants to go. Yeah, yeah. I can't go. So, I am going to have to miss out. But anyone else can go. It's like open to the public. So, be sure to go meet Ronnie and meet Leah. Well, meet Leah. I'm just going to be there, standing around reading books, actual heavy books, starting. You know, you still sell those. Another way of what a book is? I want words in a binded thing that people can hold and actually read them. Let's call it a book. Get it out. Get it out. Chef Petty, okay, here's what we do. We need an imaginative way to do our food. So, here's what we do. Open up a book. You call that a rectangle, okay? And then you put in tuna, ta, ta, and then you close the book. You bring it to the table and you say, "Here's something for you to read." You open it up in chapter one, ta, ta. Ta, ta. So, what do you want to talk about first? Bean. Oh, my God. I can't let the real housewives of the Melbourne go. I'm sorry. I miss you already. Real asswives of Melbourne. I am, like, struggling just to do a lease of Vanderpump accent because Australia is trying to, like, pop in. Wait, do we have any ads that we have to read before that? We did Boxy Charm on Tuesday. I think today is next issue, which you probably already heard. Next issue. What about our friend Jamie? Does she have an ad? Jamie's done. What? Well, let's go check out Jamie. Yeah. Go check out Jamie. How are you cutting this out? Are you really talking about ads that we have to read, Bean? No, I'm not going to cut it out. I think people don't mind because we're going to get to the Bravo stuff right now. Let's do it, Bean. Okay. So, there was actually so much good stuff this week, this part of the week. Where do you want to start? Because we had hilarity on real housewives of New York City. And by the way, one thing I learned about my iPhone, if I type in R-H-O-N-Y-C, it autocorrects to right noceros, which I feel like is so appropriate. Somehow, it just seems right. So, New York City was hilarious. This new show, Secrets and Wives, was my shit. Shaz, Shaz wasn't hilarious, but I had a lot of things to say. Shaz, Terrible. Southern Charm, you know. Yeah, overview. Shaz, Terrible. Southern Charm was fun. Let's start with either Secrets and Wives or Real Housewives of New York, because those are the big ones for the week. Yeah, let's start with New York City. Let's just start with Real Housewives of New York. That's our marquee show of the week. It is so good. I love this franchise. And it just endlessly entertains me. Bethany isn't annoying me the way she was at the beginning of the season. I still think she has some hard edges, but I am enjoying Bethany. I feel like she's loosened up. This was a super fun episode for me. Yeah, this was a really fun episode. And I love watching Bethany just freak out. She's on something. I don't know what it is, but I'm loving whatever it is. Whatever prescription that is, is fucking great. Yeah, I love, honestly, towards the end of the episode, when Carol described, she's like, Bethany has two speeds. I'm tighter than a top and crying. For some reasons, like it's so true. I think it's basically two sides at the same speed, if you ask me. Yeah, two sides of the same cry. So basically starting at the beginning. So this episode took place. It during the house in the Berkshires. Yeah, now that husband bought me and my dad used to work here as a telephone repair man after he poured the foundation. And the first time he came here, he tried to fix my phone. The whole story about this house is very much it felt like it's a wonderful life. Like my dad used to deliver eggs here to the man who owned the house up on the hill and then the banker gave him a loan and he bought a tricycle with it. Like everything was like this. Like, you know, it's like, we would take your daughter to work day. And I would say, Daddy, I'm gonna own that house, Mr. Jetson. And he'd say, sure, kid, and then what day I did on it. And every time someone comes to fix my phone, I hugged them. I hugged them hard. And I say, Daddy, I never got rid of my landline. I call it my daddy line. One time my dad, one time my dad was at the school dance and they were dancing at the gym and the floors opened up and they all fell into a swimming pool. It's a wonderful life, the face of my father. So, by the way, this house, big house and everything. I loved Arinda. The design in this house was bonkers. This maid Ashley from Princesses Long Island made her house look demure. This house was like, like, I don't even know how to describe that. What were those shades of blue? They weren't teal. It was like this cream. You know that it's like kind of a, no, it's not royal because royal's darker, I guess. It's like, uh, like, um, well, what's that word? Um, you know, turquoise. It was like a turquoise. Everything was turquoise. It was like a room Carmella soprano blue. It was like some turquoise nasty, weird, like 1991 color patterns. Like one room would be like turquoise walls with like a turquoise velvet cash. Another one would be like purple with a purple couch. Uh, red. It was just like so. It was like that French trilogy, that movie, that French trilogy movie where everything was a different color. Yeah, with Juliet Benosch. Yeah, I watch all like that. But, you know, without Juliet Benosch, I watched all three in a row with my parents. Can you believe that? Like 1996. I rented all three. I was like, Hey, mom and dad, let's let's watch all three in a row. By the time you get to the end of that, by the time you get the end of red, you're just like, shoot me now. I want to be just hurled me into the pool that Juliet Benosch has been swimming around in the three hours. You're poor parents. So do you ever make them watch anything good? I mean, now it's like real housewives shit that you make them watch. Yeah, they should be so happy. They should have been so happy that I like, I remember bringing home, what was the one with Tilda Swin based on the Virginia Woolf book where she is like, I want to say a fellow, but it's not a fellow. It's like, it's Orlando. And I think she, she goes from like man to like her character's transitions from being a man to a woman like halfway through. It's such a weird artsy film. It's basically like the refined version. Were there a lot of different colors in there? Well, Tilda Swin some sure everything was just like white beige with like streaks of red beige. Yeah. Yeah, well, this place had so many colors in it. I mean, wow, I like every room is a different really vibrant, bright color. I mean, that house is so color, Derinda asked it for water. Yeah, and on top, and on top of that, it was like, the paint jobs were bad. Like you could look like it was painted with like acrylic paint. Like, it looked like someone had taken paint from the art store and was just like taking a brush. Like you could see every stroke. It was like, it was just like bad. It was like uneven color. I mean, listen, I am not a paint expert, although they do have any painting the hallways in my building right now. So I feel like I'm an expert at the moment. And this was really bad paint job. You're an expert on paint like Kim Richards. Yeah, you're like snorting a lot of it. I'm sorting a lot of it. You know, a lot of it. So therefore, I feel like, oh, and that was, oh, that was the gossip. I'm like the sewer line. I love Martha's story. She makes a great smelling paint. By the way, that was the gossip we were going to start with. Before pre-show, we were going to start, we said we're going to start with gossip and then we forgot. Oh, okay. Gossip men. Temporary gossip alert. Temporary gossip alert. Kim Richards has been fired from real housewives of Beverly Hills. And now there's rumors. Now there's rumors that Kyle might be leaving might be fired too, which I don't believe that part. Well, this is all from radar online. So I believe that Kim is fired. I believe I do believe that Kim is fired. I believe she's going to be too much of a headache for production. I think Kyle being fired is a story that Brandi planted. Like that is so obviously Brandi. Yeah, I don't think Kyle's fired. I don't even think Kim's fired. I think she's just going to be demoted for a season. Well, they're going to not talk about her, but then she's going to still come on every once in a while. They'll be like, oh, this is a lovely party. It's all my house. Where's my house? They're going to have like a little storyline of Kim putting up wanted posters for her for her Palm Springs house all over the neighborhood. I could never imagine playing Monopoly with her. That's my bar, Mark. You build a house. You build a house on my bar, Mark. You still park, please. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm late. I didn't know what railroad to take. I was like, is it B&O? Is it Reading? Is it Reading or is it Reading? I don't know. I don't know. It's like it's too much. Do not pass go. Go straight to jail. Yeah, just kicking everybody in the room. Yeah, Mr. Monopoly is Dr. Phil, which makes sense. They have the same mustache. Every time she gets to go to jail cards, she's in the bathroom for 30 minutes refusing to come out. Kim, do not do not pass go. You go directly to jail. No, no, no, St. Charles, no, it's my it's very special to me. My mom and I, we always go to St. Charles, please. It's like that. So orange is the new marshals. Get in there, girl. Okay, so Kim, what else? What's the other guys? That's basically it. I mean, there's other little things. You have me so excited. Well, that was that's a big piece of gossip. I guess Kim's still drunk. I mean, Kim's back from Mexico. Didn't she like disappear for two weeks? We didn't talk about that. I don't think Kim was like, she got out of her like quote unquote rehab, which was basically like sleeping at the towel. The guy who sells a little mermaid towels outside the office house. She's like, I'm going to stop the women. Call me if you need me. And so she got to leave to go to Mexico to go to her daughter's wedding and apparently at the wedding, she got shit faced and told told the grooms family off. Yeah. And then ran away and disappeared in Mexico. She was having her own. She was doing her own like version of three amigos. She she thought she she thought that she had Steve Martin and Chevy Chase with her running into a town, you know. She had no idea what was going on. God bless her heart. She's like, hey, I have to leave this wedding. I had to pick up a doll made of cocaine and bring it over to California. It's a little traffic. God bless her. You know, Mexico is not necessarily that bad of a place. They don't make you go to rehab there. Yeah, you know, if anything, anything, she probably solves them with a crime and in some of those border towns. They're like, Oh, God, here comes this crazy, whichever one, but then your guns get away. She's just going to talk to us. This guy was about to shut my head off. But then I started talking about my experience and speed too. You're still in my house if you want to arrest him amigos. Escape to which Mexico. She's like transfixing all the be headers with her. She's like, look at all my fans. They all lined up to see me know Kim, that's a mass grave. We're already loopy. I know. I just love the idea of Kim in a bariachi costume. You know, I'm like, I just a big, she got the sombrero and the mariachi stuff. You're just riding around from town to town talking to people about Kyle. I just love the idea of her in Mexico where no one knows what she's saying anyway, and just carrying on like normal, you know. Yeah. Well, they probably don't want to go. They can't get near her because she probably has Kingsley with her. They're like, I'll Diablo, like, I want to do a drink, but all I know how to see in Spanish is let's dust the picture frames together while I make chicken salad with my hands. Well, that's a girl got to do to get Elle paint thinner around here. Doesn't anybody ever remove their paint from these houses? Come on, Mexico. This is why you're falling behind all your pencils. Nonde esta el los. Nonde esta el los robin alcohol. I got a cut and I want to drink the alcohol for hydrogen peroxide heals you on me. And that too. Everyone's so healthy around here. Don't they ask not a los cough fantasy. I love she's like walking around a ghost town that's been decimated by drug cartels, just asking questions to like cacti and like old balls of tequila. They're next telenovela job. She has a guitar on her back. It's like the it's like the really bad version of that Robert Rodriguez movie. She has a guitar. She walks from town to town with a shotgun and a guitar. She doesn't shoot the shotgun or anything. She doesn't hit anything. She just goes off by accident. There's a little turtle in the street in my film as I recall. Um, so guess who's not in Real Housewives of New York City? Kim Rich. I know what there is by one other little piece of gossip. I just remembered Kingsley bit another person. Okay. Oh, that's a good one too, because you know that story she actually blamed. She told the person that the dog bit, she's like, Oh, it's not even my dog. Yeah, it's not my dog and he's dying of cancer. Yeah, suddenly it's Monty's dog. Honestly, I really can see Kim writing off with Kingsley into the sunset as fugitives from the lot from California animal protective services or whatever. No, that's just going to be like psycho. You know, she's going to be like the mom and psycho where she's like, Oh, Norman, Norman, I hope you're not murdering a lady in the shower. Come on, Norman, behave yourself. And then eventually she's the bitch in the shower and she's in some, you know, rocking chair and like a bad wig at Universal Studios. Listen, she's just one of these days. She's going to come down with the case of rabies and that'll be it. Yeah. So we know something worse, like, what's that dog disease where they get like a really bad worm parvo? She's going to get parvo. Sorry. I can't film today. I got parvo. I had back to Manhattan got the parvo. I got that parvo. You know, you heal up. You put the you put the dry stuff in the water and you get parvos. Like, no, that's setting this parmalade milk. So anyway, in New York City, that was that was the gossip alert, which really took us to strange places. Really took the part in a Robert Rodriguez film, which I would totally watch. Okay. So the girls always made for $10. It still costs more than Kyle's TV lamb show. Oh, yeah. That was the other gossip. Kyle Richards has a show on TV land now called, you know, my sister keeps accusing me of stealing her house starring Kyle Richard. My sister, the alien. Yeah. Yeah. With somebody from Cheers who played like, one of the guys on the stool that nobody knew their name, but they were still there every episode, like the featured extra on Cheers. Yeah, that guy, like Phil wasn't his name Phil, the guy who would talk every four episodes, but he wasn't a cast member. Oh, Kyle, good old Kyle. Good luck. Good luck. I nominate Roz from Frazier to play Kyle. Oh my god. Roz from Frazier needs to play every. Harry Gilpin. I love her. I love that she never really act. She never really acted. She just kind of said her lines, but in a rough voice. You know what I always had trouble with? There is one time I saw a, um, an old episode of Cheers and Harry Gilpin played like a reporter or something, but she wasn't Roz. And I hated the fact that Roz was two different people in the, in the Cheers Frazier universe. And that was bothered me. And anyway, so I'm gonna do a guest star, do it right. Yeah, although I'm sure Camila grammar would have some issue with someone from the phrase universe playing Kyle. It's not right, Kyle. So, right. Yeah, it's not right. I've got to blow up that sound. Remember that sound with Camila grammar talking to you? Yes, Camila, just that is like, I was like, I was like, yeah, yeah. I got it somewhere. I don't know if I can find it. It's probably these who knows. So anyway, to be here for 10 hours, we've got four shows to this dollar. So anyway, the women all, okay, the ladies arrive. The lady, that's how it begins. The ladies all arrive. And within seconds, Ramona starts telling Kristen about how Luan confronted her at De Rindez birthday dinner at Petrosian. And what I loved is that Ramona's like, you know, Luan, she did something that was kind of like weird ass. I was like, well, weird ass. You're not a millennial. You're not a millennial, Ramona. I'm talking about weird asses. I'm a new person, okay? I'm young. You know, Mario left me, but my youth didn't. I'm still here. I'm young. Step off back to the curb. Okay. Step off back to the curb. Hey, mama. Hey, mama. How are you, mama? Hey, Beth. Hey, Beth. Hey, head. Look, I'm young. I'm gonna be outy 5,000 with with Avery. What did Puff Diddy did? So this is so such a weird ass episode. So she immediately starts telling Kristen about all this story. And you got to love how a story comes out of Ramona's mouth, because she's always so innocent in these stories. She's like, I was just sitting there, and you know, I really like Jorinda, because she's my friend, and she accessed me for who I am. And then Luan, out of nowhere, out of nowhere, I tell you, starts screaming about me and saying, I was mean about John, you know, because I said, you know, because we love your ass. And then Luan was talking about how fat disgusting John is. And I was like, oh my God, that's horrible. And then Luan pulling me for saying it for everybody. Can you believe Luan did that? And Kristen's like, he is gross and fat. Yeah. And then, of course, Jorinda walks in the story at all. Yeah. And then Jorinda walks and she's like, well, what are you guys saying about John? Come on, you can say it. You said it. What? What are you talking about be here? That Jan. So then Kristen's like, well, you know, I thought he was a little too touchy-feely. You know, we were dancing and I was behind him, because that's where I felt comfortable. But he has to turn around. So we turned around. I didn't feel comfortably touched me. So I walked away. And Jorinda's response was, if you don't want to do a sandwich, don't do a sandwich. You're an adult. When I go to Subway and I see adults working and they're complaining about how late they have the work, I say you work at Subway. If you don't want to do a sandwich, don't do it. You're an adult. You know what I say? If you don't want to do the Roger Rabbit, get out of Tuntown. You don't want to do the electric slides and off the power. If you don't like turning smiles, if you don't like turning frowns upside down, get out of the wall bottom. Okay, there's a target down the street in case you hate, you know, getting, putting arrows on their bullseyes too. God forbid, adults. Hey, you don't want to do the alley cat with John walking the street instead. That was so good. Kristen's so tone deaf. First of all, they were not even talking about, she wasn't talking about what a big John is. She was talking about what a bitch Luann is. Yeah, exactly. It's like, yeah, John is a fat pig. And she's like, yeah, but I do have to say that John is kind of touchy feeling during this like, and promoting even was smoothing it over, which Ramona never does. But Ramona's like, oh, we weren't talking about anything. We were just talking about how, you know, Luann said that thing about John and she's like, oh, yeah, well, we're adults, you know, blah, blah. And Kristen's like, yeah, but as a matter of fact, he is disgusting. No. I'm sorry. It's very hard to be thin. I don't need to feel is she the fat between my butt crease, you know, it's disgusting. You're an adult. I was embarrassed for you. I was embarrassed for myself. I was embarrassed for John. I was embarrassed for the restaurant. I was embarrassed for chicken Kiev. And before any of this even happened. Listen, here's the thing. Don't ever start up with a woman who dresses like the black swan. Okay, because Derinda was fully black feathered. Yeah, she was. So you don't mess with that. Yeah, the girl in the white two two dies. Kristen's like, can we please get to the real issue here? Someone swed on me at a boxing match. You guys, you guys, I'm going to talk about this on my blog. Big life change. I'm starting up a blog. Like this takes a lot. Like I had to go to WordPress.com. That's sweaty guys and thin sweaty thighs by Kristin Teakman. So anyway, this is like a sort of like a fight. But then it like, the fight sort of comes down because Derinda starts sharing about, you know, about how her husband died and yada, yada, yada. It's actually turned into sort of a nice moment. And they all cried. Or Derinda. Derinda's like, Yeah, well, my husband bought me this house. And you know what? I know that it's difficult with John. I see him. I'm not blind. I know he's fat. I know he's touching every waitress that mess. I know he likes to do a sandwich. What am I going to find? What am I going to find? What it didn't work out? The second one's dead. The third one you just deal with. All right, you just deal with them. I was like, before Derinda. She's been caught in way too many, she'd been gone to way too many open face sandwiches with John. It's not like the three strikes law where it's like, if the third one doesn't work out, you're just single forever. No, what's this? What is this? I don't go online, meet some friends. Come on our Facebook page. Tell me some friends. Yeah, although if single's okay to read. But although if the if the woman from secrets and wives is any indication, maybe a certain point, you should stop getting married. But we'll get to that later. So then they all go to a lovely dinner at the red line. And I look and Ramona has now changed her view on the Berkshires because basically her friend brought her to the Berkshires not Heather. So she's like, you know what? I love the Berkshires. I love it. And then I was like, whoa, Ramona loves the Berkshires. And I love how Luan always makes a dig. And in the corner, I don't know if you've been heard this in the corner of Luan just goes, just don't bring her hiking. Of course I heard it because then they cut to the scene of her freaking out in the forest. That's true. Oh my god. Trees. There's trees. Oh my god. There were trees when I was growing up outside my bedroom. And my dad used to come and then say, good night, you little cunt. And I'd be like, oh my god, trees. Every time I say your tray, I just want to tie. I want to tie. Whoa. This is like too much for me right now. Okay. You know what? They're trees. They're leaves. Oh my god. You know who left me? My father. Oh my god. Mario. So then they. And also I have to add that Heather said as she arrived to this trip. Wow. The Hamptons is my hood. So I mean, I feel like a co-host. You're not the co-host. So stop it because every time they cut the Heather, she's like, okay, let's unpack and then we're going to eat. Okay. Okay. We're done eating. Okay. Let's move to the other room. Okay. Let's go have lunch now. Like, bitch, stop. This is not your trip. You need to stop it. Heather is going to lead us. I mean, Dorinda is going to lead us into the blue room when it's blue room time. Yeah, exactly. So they're having dinner and then they start talking about Bethany and how like Bethany is very guarded and she has a lot of hard edges, etc, etc. And Ramona is like, you know, she's just very, she had a very tough childhood. And then they have a flashback to one of my favorite scenes of all time, which is when Ramona and Bethany crossed the Brooklyn Bridge together and in the span of like the 15 minutes took, Ramona just completely eviscerated Bethany and they cut back the scene where she's like, listen, you have no friends. You're pretty selfish. No one likes you. You have Jason, but you're probably going to mess that one up too. Anyway, here we are. Oh my god. That was just such an amazing. It was holy. I remember Bethany being totally destroyed after that. And then they walk into Alex and Simon's apartment and she's like shell shocked. So anyway, they're talking about Bethany being Bethany doesn't have any female friends. I mean, that's what she is. She's not a girl's girl. You know, because her mom was, you know, hit on the head with the telephone. I mean, that's why she won't use telephones. I mean, it's horrible. You know, Bethany doesn't like girls. She has no girlfriends. I mean, look at me. Look at all my girlfriend. I'm a girl's girl. I'm like, oh, I know. Could you imagine being girlfriends with Ramona killed? And then Heather, Heather doesn't show any empathy. Heather's like, well, you know what? Like we've all gone through shit. Like, we just had to say goodbye to her nanny of nine years. So Bethany's mom was like shit to deal with. So what her mom got beaten on the head with the telephone. Her dad was a drunk and she almost got killed. Who cares? Have you lost a nanny? Momma's. Has anybody here ever lost a nanny? Like, I've been looking all throughout the hood, yo, for a new, for a new nanny. I'm like, hey, mama, you want to be my nanny? And they're like, no, mama. I'm like, what, mama, holla. Oh, Heather. But then I loved how Ramona, my favorite thing is when Ramona gets contemplative and she's like, Ramona's like, you know what, in life, sometimes you just have to like take it when things get hard. Sometimes it take a breath and go, say, you know what, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. You know what? And she like posins just that weird thing where she like half blinks an eye and turned tilt her head and her jaw, her like chin goes to the left and just, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. Okay. Okay. So then there are a couple things at this restaurant. First they were going to order Raven, which I thought no one knew who what a Raven was. Like, two people knew it. And Ramona's like, is this the one that eats you? Is it the one that eats dead things? And they're like, no, that's a vulture. She's like, oh, oh, it's a vulture. Like, come on, you don't know what a Raven is. And then when they were walking up and that black guy was out there in his uniform, and he's like, welcome to the restaurant. And Derinda's like, Oh, hello. What's your favorite thing on the menu? I love when we're eating here at the same time. And he's like, I work here, ma'am. She's like, damn it, I'll never get this right. Oh, God. Is there a black person to bring me what? I just tell me the truth to Jeff said, Mr. Jett said, so then the next day they go shopping in town, which was amusing to me because, like at one point, they're like at a store. And I was like, Oh, look, it's a farmer's shirt. Hey, remember when these were in style? Remember when we used to wear these kids as a farmer's shirt? Look at this. It's plaid. Do you remember plaid? What is it from the 70s? And when I was like, no darling. God, plaid's not from the 70s. And she's like the 50s to 60s. I don't know when the plaid happened. It's happening again. It's here again. It's new. Like me. My mother always said, make sure you have your own plaid shirt. So that way you'd ever have to be dependent on a man for a plaid shirt. Okay. And then if you have your own and you're having sex with the man anyway, again, and then he gets called, you can give him your plaid shirt and say, look, I didn't even need you for a plaid shirt, but you can wear mine if you want. Also, I brought you some some mustard packets from the restaurant and half of my chicken dinner. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. This farmer shirt right here. Okay. Whoa. This is crazy. Okay. Because this, this farmer shirt, this is the exact same farmer shirt that Geraldine Parsons Smith used to wear all the time. And she would come over to the house and she'd say, look at my farmer shirt. Where's your farmer shirt, Ramona? And I didn't have one and I would cry. I can't deal with this anymore. Okay. Okay. I have to go. I have to go to him. I love it that dinner as she can. Ramona is like giving a speech about self empowerment. She's like, listen, I understand what it's like going through hard things, all right? Because I've been through a lot of hard things. And sometimes I just want to tell Bethany, look, the important thing is that you just got to like move on, you know, you got to wake up and you got to move on because everything's okay. And Dorinda's like, that's not true. You know, sometimes life sucks. All I say is just get out of bed because you smell like a goat. That's my life motto. Just get out of bed and do a sandwich with John. Life still sucks but get out of bed because I smell like a goat. Love you. Love you, Dorinda. And please yell at more people, please. So then it starts. I put somebody arrives. Sony arrives. Oh, Sony arrives in her. She's like, she forgot her dress. Oh, yeah. Sony arrives. She arrives. She's shimmying. Ramona's date. Her partner from AOA restaurant. He arrives and then Carol discovers that this guy also hooked up with Mario's mistress. So like Carol and Luann are sort of snickering about that. Luann's dress like she's going to a reenactment of Clue. They're all, they're all, they're lame on the side of my face. Yeah, she literally looked like that. And then they're all like lingering in like the parlor as if they're in doubt, Navi. And surprise, surprise. Bethany shows up. Yeah. Bethany's like, Hi, I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. All right. This is a surprise. Someone call me here. I'm here. I'm here. My daughter's in bed. Like what time does your daughter go to bed? No wonder she hates you. She's like, I just locked her in the guest room. She's in bed. She's fine. She's in bed. I'm here. It's a surprise. Okay. Who's here? I put your bed at 4pm to get here. The people here. I don't know. Hi, I'm Bethany. Okay. What's going on with you? Huh? How are you doing? How are you feeling? How's your dress? How's your dress line going? Okay. How's it been? A lot of pain here. A lot of colors. Well, I don't know what to do. Okay. All right. Let's just come down. Okay. What's going on in this house? I mean, look at the colors. Girl, that's everywhere. I mean, look at this. What is this colors? What is this colors? What is this? Crayon box? Huh? Everyone looks drunk. Everyone looks like they've been eating a lot of food. Have you been eating Raven? He's not like Raven. He's not like you have some Raven on your breath. Okay. It's a lot of Raven. Oh, you ate some Raven? Did it hint that it might be a lesbian, but not, but not confirm it for you before you bit into it? Oh, good. Raven. Raven. That's how they do. Your breath is so Raven. I mean, it's like, that's so Raven. So she shows up and everyone's really happy. Of course, Heather, Heather starts with her past aggressive remarks like, I wish I wish I would have known my kids are here too. They could have played like, no, they couldn't have just called me. If you had only called me, you would have known that I brought my my kids to you. You should have called me, Bethany. Why wouldn't you have called me? Bethany's like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Great. Great. Yeah. Your kids are also, by the way, like five years older than then Brynn. So just calm the fuck down. Just like, let them build snowman and let them be happy. So then they all sit down at dinner. What was funny to me was that they basically all had this like very fancy sushi dinner. And it just did not seem, it was the last thing I expected that meal to be, right? Didn't you expect to be like, you know, beef borging on? Yeah, everything I see Dorinda eats looks like Chef Penny made it in the 80s. It's like, yeah, like beef Wellington or like shit with cream sauce on it. Mm-hmm. I don't know. She, yeah, she, she definitely seems like, uh, sushi's not her thing. But hey, you know, it's time, sometimes she got to turn over a new leaf. You know, I tried sushi three times in my past and it almost killed me. So this time I'm going to like it. And that's it. Yeah. I'm just going to eat it this time. And Bethany's like, well, look, I'm allergic to not, not fish. Just fish without a shell, which I've never heard of. Yeah, I know it goes the other way around. Shellfish. But I've never heard of people being allergic to finfish. She's like reverse kosher. And I love it. Like, um, she's, she's like, she, she, I mean, Bethany kind of makes a little bit of a big deal about it. All she could have done is said like, I'm not going to have it, whatever. But then Heather, but then Heather butts and she's like, well, you want some hummus? There's some hummus in the fridge. You want some hummus? You want this? Well, you know, you're going to be hungry. I mean, I just want, I want you to help. Like, you know, and you're not going to eat. You're not going to eat anything. I don't think that's right. I mean, there's some chicken. Do you want us to have somebody make you up some chicken? We bought the kids some mac and cheese. Do you want some mac and cheese? Do you want some milk? You need some milk. You're not growing much. You want to grow. You need some milk. You want your sippy cup? You want your sippy cup? You got some chicken McNuggets. And her husband just looks happy that it's not him for one. Yeah, exactly. Sitting there in his like bid. Yeah. Oh my God. I mean, I can eat without this bitch, like wiping the corners of my mouth every two seconds. And then Heather sort of seems to go out of her way to tell people, well, Bethany can't have shellfish everyone. No, well, she can't have the shellfish. She can have shellfish. She can have shellfish and she won't eat. She won't eat. She's just going to be hungry. So no one trying to make Bethany eat because she doesn't like it. Bethany doesn't like being forest fed. Do you Bethany? She just she just won't eat. Is that okay? Don't offer her food. She'll get offended everybody. Like Jesus Christ. You're such a Jesus. And actually, sorry. She's like, all I was trying to do was give her a fucking meatball. Yeah. Stop. Stop. It's not your even your place to do that. To Bethany, to someone like Bethany, she's as big as a pinky finger. Okay, the meatball is her enemy. It's like bringing a fucking like team of suicide bombers to a Jewish wedding. You don't do it. All right, she's not eating your suicide bomber. Heather is probably jealous because Bethany actually looked like she was having a great time. She was like, she was drunk, first of all, and she was laughing. And she was having fun with Luan. She's taking pictures of Luan and she's like, want to do a video? We'll do a video. You know, we'll do a video. We'll hop at this. We'll take a photo, then a video, and then we'll put the video on to Instagram, put the photo on to Twitter and we'll put them back and forth. Okay, it'll be great. Do it. Do this. You like the way it looks. All right, great. Like, Luan looks like she's from a saloon. I mean, what is this? Why is everyone dressed like this? It's like a costume party every day. I mean, what is it? Tomorrow's gonna be Teletubbies. It's gonna be Teletubbies tomorrow. We're all gonna have to come to the dinner table dressed like Teletubbies. I mean, shoot me now. That's what we do. I mean, shoot me falling asleep, falling asleep, dying over here, dying over here, falling asleep. Everyone's talking about costumes. Like, like, enough already about the costumes. All right, we get it. We get it. Everyone has a costume. Okay, enough already. Kill me now. So then, so then, um, uh, so this, this like minor storm passes, and then all of a sudden, I mean, Heather was like on a rampage. She was on some, not on something, but meaning she was like on her period or something. Because then she turns to Peter and she's like, Hey, mama. She's like, so we have a journalist in the group and looks like there are a lot of interesting articles about you out there. Like, who, why would she even say that at dinner? Right in front of everybody at a full dinner table. And that poor guy got so nervous. You could see the rumors just flipping through his, the little walled ex under his wig. And he handled it well though. He handled it really well. He kept smiling and laughing. He, he, he deflected. He handled it well. And what was funny was that while he's talking about it, they kept on cutting to Bethany. Now she Bethany's fully wasted. And she's like talking to wine, but she's like, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I love you. I was like, wow, that's more affection we've ever seen from Bethany in her life. Yeah, because I think she was talking to the strangers. She's talking to the people. She doesn't know. It's like, I love you when you're bank business. I love you when you're donut shop. I love you when you gain this, because I think one was like a gay brother or something. Right. And then, um, yeah. And then also, I have to mention before this, because I, I put a note here, because I think it's so funny. Carol's aversion to any kind of emotion is hilarious to me when they were talking about Bethany before she got there. And she's like, no, I'm telling you, we were in the CP too. And we, I, you know, she was saying she wasn't vibing with the girls, which isn't really what she was saying, but okay. She wasn't vibing with the girls, and then sobbing. I mean, sobbing you guys. And everyone's like, gross. Most of the stuff. She was feeling things back to the back. It was like a bad, it was like a bad raven meal. So, so then what I love is, so now, so Bethany goes from like, giggling with her bottles, then she and Sonia, I mean, Sonia are, are, are resident drunk. They are just like wasted, they're giggling, they're making noise. And Heather is like, we're gonna have to separate you too. Like, what the fuck, Heather? Like, it's a dinner party and they're at one end of the table. You're in the middle. You're talking like, like, why? That's the way dinner parties work. People are like talking at different parts of the table. I mean, this is not only that. You're not even having a real conversation. You're like, do you enjoy being a restaurant owner? What is that like homey? Yeah, she was actually just digging for dirt, actually. And, and she was getting mad. I mean, she was treating it like it was Demetria holding a Q&A. It's just serious. You can't say anything. I was just, she's like, and, but I love this big deal, mama's. It's a big deal, mama's. I love being a bride, mama. Hey, mama. And then like throwing little barbs at Sonia at the same time, she's like, Oh, yeah, you just decided to start a new business. I mean, what goes into starting a business? Am I right? I mean, just wake up and start a new business. Yeah. But what I love also is that the moment that Heather realizes that she came on like a little aggro, she then tries like reverse course. So she's like, I need to separate you two. And then she's like, I'm making a joke. You're very serious. You got to lighten up. It's like, what? No, you were not making a joke when you say, I got to separate you two. That's a passive runner. And then every time I'm nice to you, you seem to, you're mean. Like every time I'm nice, you're mean. And Bethany's like, what's nice? What are you doing this nice? It's because I don't know you. All right, you're tending to me like a garden. I don't know you. I'm like a rose being being watered by like a gardener that no one hired. It's like, the rose is like, why are you here? Why are you watering me? Okay, I'm waiting for my owner to water me. Okay, I don't know you lady. I don't want your water. I don't know this water. Okay, like, like I'm feeling over water right now. Okay, like my roots are going to die. Okay, you know, in fact, I just hope my roots die right now. I would rather just go grow right back into the ground. Okay, just be like, my stem will just be like a horseshoe with my head going upside down rose. Yeah, I'm gonna get an upside down rose. Thank literally, like, just like tear up this rose garden and throw me out on the trash. I don't want to be here anymore. Every time I'm nice to you. Yeah, but it was so awkward. I mean, here's the thing. Obviously, but it's like one of these perfect storms that happens with women, which is that I guess got up with men too. But it seems always happened with women, which is that both of these women are hitting on each other's deepest insecurities, which is clearly that Heather reminds Bethany of her mother. And Bethany probably reminds Heather of the cool kids that never accepted her in, you know, middle school. Oh my God, I don't think Heather reminds Bethany of her mother. I think Heather probably reminds Bethany of what her mother wasn't, you know? Well, no, but meaning that it like she tends to do mothers her and Bethany's like, you know, like, no, I don't get mother. Yeah. I mean, I think it's probably another thing, but then have you heard? Have you heard? Do you want me to talk to you about it? Do you want me to talk to you about what my mother was like? I do don't make me hit you on the head with the phone right now. All right. Back away, back away, drowning, signed, signed the drowning rose. All right. Well, I mean, to be fair, I'm sure also it's not just like the mother issues. I mean, Heather is really annoying to Bethany. Like she, she is like condescending and passive aggressive. And and she she makes a little bar, but then she hides behind things like what I was just trying to get. I just trying to be nice to her. I was just trying to get to know her. I was just trying to make a joke. No, Heather, come on. We're not, we're not idiots. But then I love this. This is a good time to mention that in the Twitter verse, is that what it's called the Twitter verse or whatever? The Bravo Twitter verse. Last night, someone said something to Heather and she replied, yeah, I've been hit by the editing stick for a couple seasons in the row in a row. I'm getting used to it. And Bethany tweeted her, Oh, we're blaming editing now home girl because I've done their show for years. And I've never used that excuse. Hala. Go girl. Yeah. Yeah. See, this is the Bethany we like. And you know, the truth is you could see Bethany was really rattled by this because she's well, she went into her crying mode. I didn't feel like it was freaking crazy. Like too much out of all fit. Yeah. And and I think that when she cries, I don't feel like it's crocodile tears. Like, no, she's really fucking crazy. She's going nights. Like she's going something. I'm telling you, that's not normal. Well, but she also had a good explanation, which is like, I am going through so much in my life right now. I want the wall up. She's like, it was a very, it was actually a very, like, I don't want to talk about it. I will be lying on the floor, sobbing if I start talking about it. Oh, really? So let's go to your strengths again or go let's go watch you have lunch with your stepfather or whatever and listen to how he like raped and murdered people. Yeah. What do you mean? You don't want to talk. You don't want to talk about it to Heather, which listen, I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to talk about my shit with Heather either. But let's pretend you don't you're just so private. Okay. Yeah. But it was still a very self aware comment to me because Sony would someone be like, no, my walls are down. I am down. I am lighting my abundance candles. I have abundance of no walls. You know? Yeah, Bethany's like, my walls up on purpose is to keep people out like you. You're at the reason people invented fences. Okay. And so then Heather stands up and she's like, okay, hey, mama, come on, let's go. Let's go talk Beth. Let's go talk and Bethany's like, no, I don't want to do this. Just leave me alone. Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you in private. I don't want to talk to you in public. Why would I want to walk away from the table and talk to you in private? Yeah. And I can understand. It's like, I've tried everything and goes and sits on her like, yeah, and then Heather serves to cry. But I mean, I could understand Bethany's frustration. She's just trying to enjoy herself. And this woman is like being totally passive aggressive to her. And this just looks like the first time all season long that Bethany has been truly enjoying herself. I mean, she was cracking up. She was having a great time. She wasn't even doing part of her was being rude. I mean, I think she was being rude. She was being like really, really overly loud. And I'm not just, I think when Heather was trying to talk. Yeah, she wasn't, she was being loud and obnoxious. But I think honestly, honestly, I think that it was a huge table. I think Bethany was right. There was like 20 people. No one else was talking. And Bethany was like cracking up and whispering to Sonia who also doesn't like Heather and kind of mocking her and laughing really loud and spitting out her drink. Like she was being a bitch. The thing with Bethany is the only way to really be on Bethany's side lately is when she's against someone you don't like. So I'm, I like all these women. So I'm not really ever on her side, but I like her, you know, I like her. And I'm not saying she's like a total asshole, but I think Heather was right too. And Heather, the thing with Heather is that's her personality too. Like, if they're going to accept Bethany's crazy personality just for how she is, Heather is a passive aggressive bitch. She talks to everybody like their child. You know that she's a kind of person who tells the waiter, "Thank you so much." And it's nice the whole night, but then at the end of the night, she's like, "Here's, let me give you some constructive criticism. Could you bring out the chef and the bus boys and whoever takes care of the bathroom because there were no paper towels in there? I just want to speak to the staff." You know, like she is that way. And you just have to accept her how she is too. You can't just like start freaking out on her at a dinner party and like being a little teenage bitch when, you know, you don't like her. So you're going to talk through everything she says and make an ass out of her, you know? Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, first of all, it's a little hard to gauge the context. It's hard to gauge like were these women intentionally interrupting her? Was the editing making it look like it was a lot? I also, I mean, I understand why Heather was annoyed, but I just, I also don't think like, it shouldn't have been a big deal. I think it was a big deal to Heather because it was coming on the heels of various overtures being rejected by Bethany. I think Bethany was openly mocking her because didn't she turn to the guys? And she's like, do you want to kill yourself? Do you want to kill yourself with a butter knife? Or do you want to kill yourself with a chef's knife? Because I can get you why they're coming. I didn't realize that. I didn't swallow the dreino or something. Oh, I thought that she was saying. I didn't realize that she was saying that to the guy. I thought she was still joking about how I felt like a murder mystery. So she was talking about murder weapons. Maybe she was. Maybe she was. I totally misread that. The way they edited it was they kept, they were showing Heather talking and then they were showing Bethany, like, I want to kill myself right now. I totally show Heather again. And then Bethany would be like, like, seriously, if, if like hugging Brynwood murder me, I would actually hug Bryn right now. I think I pick her up and hug her. I think I totally misinterpreted that. Well, then that's one thing. But still, I don't know. Maybe I'm maybe I'm getting it wrong. It's these guys are so stupid that even picking aside is stupid. And then trying to figure out the details of it is even dumber because, I mean, what are you going to do? And then we have Sonya in the corner, like trying to be 20 again, but standing up with Carol at some point, like, well, you know, you can't get a vibrator that looks like a penis because guys really don't like the competition. So you have to get really cute ones with handles that are pink. And DeRin is like, I had a I've had two vibrators. They both died. I'm on my third one. It looks like a penis. I'm not giving it up. Okay, it's my third one. It has a really big battery pack. It's like a cell phone from the 80s. You know, it's way bigger than it needs to be. I have to plug it in. It keeps going out in the middle of calls. But you know, it's the third one. So I'm keeping it. Yeah. So anyway, the episode ended with a to be continued as Heather and Bethany were crying. So I guess we'll have to see what this dramatic cliffhanger or how it will resolve itself. In the meantime, these bitches need to understand you have someone at the table who is fucking Mario's mistress while he's fucking remote or you know, like, come on, let's talk about that. Yeah, why are we talking about Bethany's issues? Let's ask the guy. Okay, because Heather brought it up at the table. These ladies are dropping the ball. I don't know what the hell they're thinking. They didn't even bring it up. I mean, I just wanted Luan to give him a chance to be like, listen, I think that it's a little weird that you're sleeping with the guy. But at least he's not one of my employees. So good for you. Good for you. Do you imagine sleeping with someone who works for me? Oh, low class. She's probably like, you know what you should really do for a moment to really turn her on? Why don't you take it for a hike in the Berkshires? It's just like that. No, Luan, I can't believe you told him. I can't believe you told him to take me on a hike. You know, I can't do hikes. You know, this ruined everything. This sabotaging the entire relationship. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But it ruined everything, Luan. You did that on your first Luan. You know, I'm the one who normally, I'm the one who normally does the crazy sabotaging. You did it to me this time. Okay, Blue Stone. Because Carol wants Carol's like, we should name this this mansion Blue Stone because there's Blue Stone outside. And Durinda has blue eyes and there's a blue room. And Ramona's like, great. What can they name it? Blue Stone. And Durinda's like, great idea. Ramona. Great idea about that. Oh, yeah. Blue Stone. Blue Stone. Blue Stone. I'm stupid from Okay. Love you, Real Housewives of New York. So let's move on to the new show on the block. Secrets and Wives, which follows the lives and lives. The lives and loves of various long island women who all look like Lizzie Grubman. Okay. Oh, they're so I couldn't. I'm glad I was sitting at the computer when I watched it because I could type and I've got like a book. Me too. Well, like a pediflor length book, but like a book of notes for this. So sorry if it's too much, but this might be five hours long. This. Yeah, this is basically like Bravo is kind of doing a do over on Princesses Long Island. They realized that the first time they tried to capture a long island culture, they went too young. Sometimes Bravo tries to get the youth audience and they fail. They should just stick with Vanderpump rules and accept that that's going to be their young crowd. Maybe Southern Charm too. So this time they were smart. They decided let's go for the cougars of Long Island. Well, this is the epilogue. So all the girls on Princesses Long Island, all they wanted was a man and to get married and to be taken care of and blah, blah, blah. And now we see what it leads to. Yeah, this is this is if you ever wondered what happened to Chanel and Erica and to the little one. This is where they are right now. Yeah. They're all blonde and they all have faces from other housewives. Did you notice that? We have a Vicki. There's a woman who looks like Vicki. There's a woman who looks just like Tamara. Who else? There's a woman who looks like the blonde version of Joey from Princesses Long Island. And by the way, it's like the same issues. It's the same thing. It was like a little bit all from the North Shore, but there's one girl from the South Shore. And that's just not as sophisticated. It's like, Oh gosh, literally the same story is, but you know what? I love it. I love it. I love it. Right in the opening where they're like, this season on Secrets and Why, one lady is like, I don't just have to have Jay from giving too many blowjobs. Okay. And then another one, you know, oh, so my husband was in prison. Get over it. Yeah. That's the like, that's how it opens. Oh, there's a Shannon Bedore. Yeah. And you're the one who's married to the doctor looks like Shannon Bedore. Ramona. There's a Ramona, a Tamara, a Vicki. I mean, come on with this show. I love it. There's even a Beth from Real World. Even though she has technically a different franchise, it still has the word real in it. So these women are, first of all, the headline here is they've all slept with each other's husbands and owned each other's houses. And they all went to high school with each other. So that's like, that's the running thread through this. And all these women are about as lady-like as the Raven. That was eaten on Real Housewives on New York City. They're like, the, it starts off with Corey, this woman, Corey. And it starts off with her, like, summoning her daughters down for dinner on the intercom. She's like, did it time now. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is, this is gonna be a serious, this is gonna be an interesting show. Isn't she the one who is yelling at her dog for peeing in the house? Because I do that, my dog does not pee in the house or he would be murdered, by the way. But my dog still doesn't behave. And I, like, fight with him like we're in a relationship. Like, why are you pulling the lead? I'm so sick of you pulling. Like, I can't even say it anymore. Why are you doing this to me? The dog doesn't know English. Yeah. Okay. I know. I hate that when people have like human conversations with dogs. I think that I mentioned those last week about how I was at a barbecue and Memorial Day and how the dog was banished to the inside, because the little kids outside were instigating the dog. So they put the dog inside. And then the kids went inside and we're still instigating the dog. And the mom was like, don't, you know, that's, you can't go inside. It's not fair to the dog. Because the dog's punishment is that the dog has to stay inside. So if you go inside and like, right, rile up the dog, that's like, that's not fair to the dog. You know, like, that's not fair. Like, the dog doesn't give a shit. You know, that isn't fair, letting your little mongrels get all over that fucking dog. They shouldn't be instigating because that's why dogs bite people, you know, next time he sees kids, he's going to try and bite them because he's going to be afraid that they torture them. I'm on the dog on her side. Why shouldn't the kids be chained up in some fucking room? No, I think the kids should have been chained up. But the way she was talking about is if like, the dog was like, yearning to be up, the dog was fine. The dog was like hanging out inside. Totally fine. It wasn't like the dog was like, guys, this is so not fair. I was punished. And now you don't know dog. You're obviously not a dog owner. Dogs are the most emotional little fuckers. Bueller, every when I'm working, Bueller goes into the room, goes into the bedroom in the dog alone, like a dog. And every five minutes, he jumps off the bed and I hear click, click, click. And then he stands across the room and just looks at me really sad. So I'll pay attention to him. And when I don't, he just puts his head down and click, click, click, goes back into the bedroom and does the slowest jump back on the bed. It's like you hear like, the thump, it's like the slowest jumping can manage and just pouts all day. They're very emotional these thoughts. I know dogs are emotional. Listen, listen, Kingsley, okay, not sad. So um, feelings, I mean, if that's not feelings, I don't know what uh, so anyways, so it's like, dinner time, uh, Corey's daughters are like, I'm so sorry, but I have to say this. I'm so sorry. This is going to happen a lot during this show, by the way, because I took notes on every little thing. I'm like, look at the chandelier. Um, so this same lady who was just yelling, talking about the dog being, she's like, Nancy, get down here. The dog is being everywhere. And the maid's like, just smiling. It doesn't know any English. And her answer is, um, Boquito, like a little bit. And then so she, the wife whips out her, uh, Google translate. And she's like, listen, sorry, Siri, you tell her that the dog is pissing everywhere. And it's like, the dog is urinating all over the house. And the maid's like, oh, okay, Boquito. Like she's definitely a mister. Oh, Google translate. She's like, Tiamo, Nancy. It's like, I love you, Nancy. Oh, muchas gracias, bitch, boop, no, put that. So, um, so now they're like, so Corey, Corey's downstairs and she's making a salad with the daughters. And one daughter's like, Mom, I don't like avocado. I don't want avocado. And I don't want lettuce. And the one's like, I like, I like cucumbers, but I, and I want avocado. Like, Oh, God, these girls. Well, what a dramatic life you lean. I like when she's trying to be young with her daughters. And she's like, hey, you guys want some avocados? Avocados. Want some avocados? Well, there was really super dramatic, like garage band, um, rock loops playing through this. And I'm thinking, what is so dramatic? But then when she called her kids down from dinner and we saw the house, I knew what it was where I was like, look at the wallpaper. Look at the carpet. The wallpaper was like, like, Bordello cream. It was like that color, um, that pattern in a Bordello, but it was like cream. And then the carpet is leopard print. Yeah. Okay. Come on. And the funny thing is, um, you know, after she was bossing around her, her maid, she put some chicken in the oven. I thought, well, you know, it's nice to see that she can at least do her own cooking. You know, it's so rare to see these house. I was actually cooking. Sure enough. Smoke comes out, fire along the fire departments on the phone. She can't cook at all. She's like, listen, this is a very, the North Shore is very fancy. Okay. It's like Beverly Hills. Very, it's like Beverly Hills. We have fire departments that call us right away, as soon as there's smoke, very fancy. So then we go on to like Beverly Hills. And then we go on to Liza, speaking of Lizzie Grubman's, then there's Liza. And then I believe the way I think it was Corey was like, all the girls in North Shore used to be like, there's Liza. There's Liza. She's larger than life. I mean, just listening to the name Liza Samdas. I mean, who doesn't want to say that name? Liza, here comes Liza. She's just like the queen of the North Shore. So I guess this is what like Erica would be like from Princess Long Island. Because if you remember, Erica's like sort of like the hottest girl in the North Shore. Like, I'm sorry. Yeah. Like, it was so hard. Like, it's my easy being the hottest girl in the North Shore. I'm sorry. So this girl, not Liza, but the one who's talking about her, the one who burned the thing with the leopard print carpet. Corey, camera, camera face. Yeah. She says, she's like, Oh, yeah, everybody wants to be Liza. And I love Liza. I love Liza, but she's a whore. Yeah. I wrote her that same group. Just like you, you ain't hear from me because I am one of the gossip. Yeah, that was amazing. I wrote that down to her. The technical quote is, I love her, but she slept with half the neighborhood. Rumor has it. She's up with half the neighborhood. I don't know. I have said, I don't know. You didn't hear from me, even though I just told America. I love it, though. I love it. I wish I could just put her in my oven and burn her to pieces too. I'll bet she'll have enough of cards. Yeah. When, and then Liza says, when I hit my affair, it was a huge scandal, but I still hang with my ex. Look like she's hanging with her ex too much. Oh, no, no, she's not the one who hangs with her ex. The other one who hangs with that. Oh, these women, they all look the same. Liza hang, her ex is like a hedge fund guy. Liza lives with her best friend Andy, and they share a bet. Andy, it's kind of funny. Andy has like older woman face, but she dresses like she's 17. Although Andy actually, of all the women, I think Andy's actually the coolest, but she dresses very age and appropriate. She's like, yeah, I'm going to put on some jorts now. And then they talk about farting in bed. Yeah. And then they show us all class. And then they're also what was funny is that the women are going to a fashion show, but this way, way, way, I have to say one more thing about Andy. I'm so sorry. But after farting in bed, I was like, why did I write down farting in bed? But then her friend that she's with is like, yeah, poor Liza. I guess this is Andy. She's like poor Liza. You know, I mean, she's been married. It's really hard for her because she's going to have to get rid of this house. And you know, she's been married three times. And you know, every time who's been married three fucking times to show it's too much. I can't. I can't. And he's the one I had explode. And he's the one who's been married three times. Liza. I'm just going to say the one blonde lady said, because that's almost everybody in the show. So the one lady who's like, she's been divorced three times. And poor thing. I mean, she gets less and less every divorce. I mean, it's really hard for her. She has to budget. Oh my God. I know. Well, I love this Liza woman the entire time all episode long. She's talking about how she's going to have to give up the house. This is so hard. This is the house that works so hard for da, da, da, da. It's like, bitch, you had an affair with Donnie Deutsch. Okay. So if you didn't want to lose all this, don't have an affair. That's as simple as that. Anyway, you know, she learned her lesson. And the lesson is not to not have an affair, but to not do it with a famous person. She's like, I've learned. I'm only fucking poor people behind dumpsters from now on. Well done. Well done. School of life. So, so the thing is, so Liza and Andy are like joking. What I did like is that they were being so shady about this upcoming fashion show that they're going to, because normally people on these shows take these fashion shows very seriously. Like, remember Game of Crowns? They went to a fashion show with the little girl where she's saying that stupid song. Like, listen, weight loss drugs and GLP ones are all anybody's talking about right now. They're everywhere, but it's confusing to figure out how to get them. But it doesn't have to be through hymns and hers. You can get access to a budget friendly weight loss program personalized just for you. 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New customers on first three month plan only, speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply, see Mint Mobile for details. I don't even remember what that song was. Someone like who's sorry now or something. Yeah, who's sorry now? Who's sorry now? Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. Who's sorry now? Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. Who's sorry now? Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. Who's sorry now? Elmo. Elmo. Yeah, that's my kid up there. Every one of these shows, whether they go to the posh fashion show, whether they go this or that, they always act like they're going to Milan. This is like the first time ever that these two women were like, "You think Boga's going to be there?" And then they just started laughing. I was like, "Thank God. Thank God. This does end at least one point." So anyway, we'll get back to that fashion show because it's coming up. But then we meet Gail. Gail is the wife of this asshole plastic surgeon. She's the one who looks like Shannon Bador, and she looks like she probably feels like Shannon Bador. David, why aren't you talking to me, David? David, you didn't kiss me when I came in. David, why are you so hateful? You're such a stupid man, David. David. David, where are you going? David, David, is it over? It's over with me and David. This is like her, but she doesn't wear her insecurity on her sleeve like that. She wears it in her nose. She's like, "Listen, the one thing I've refused to change about myself in this marriage is my nose. I'm keeping it." Yeah, she still gets like a blonde pegbundie with a hint of camel DNA, you know? So the thing is that the best is so she goes to her, her husband's office, and all the girls who work in, it's in the plastic surgeon's office. It's like, it's almost like the parody. It's all these hot girls and they're like, "Hey, did you put a foundation on your shoulder? It's shimmering." Yeah, I did. I'm like, "Oh my God, I can't believe these people would be in a professional environment." And later on, one of them walked in that fashion show. She's like, "I got a breast augmentation because you, I wanted the big breast look and now I have it." "I'm going to play it a month. I win. I won three booms." I mean, he's so obviously- Starbucks, I think they get like a $50 Starbucks card. Jesus Christ, nice work. Yeah, he is so obviously boinking of every girl in his office. I know, and the wife knows it too. The wife comes into the office and she just looks at them all like your pigs, like every single girl working there. And the girl who got the free booms is like, "Hi, girl. Hi, girl. Oh my God, so good to see you. Girl, you look beautiful." And girls like, "Yeah. How about you unwrap your vagina for my husband's cock and let me talk to him for about five minutes." Okay. Yeah, the only- just about the only person in that office who is not like a hot, long island girl is Mindy, the office manager. It looked like she came straight from Hugo. I think that always the case. Someone's got to count the pencils. She's probably like, she's like the- she's the madam who keeps all those girls under control. They have their own number in Les Mis, the long island version of Les Mis, they have a whole song together. So, all right, so then- Okay, a question I have real quick while we're talking about this gal, this gal. Okay, so obviously she's in a bad marriage. I mean, sorry, but this is like the- this is one of those bad marriages is just so obvious. And as is explained later in the show, we find out why they're all in terrible marriages, basically because none of these bitches will get a job and they rely on their men. But before we get there, let's just talk about plastic surgeons for a second. Yeah. What the hell is with plastic surgeons being such content about women's beauty and all being fat and ugly? I mean, that guy doesn't even wear a wig. He doesn't even have plugs. He's making no effort. That guy doesn't ever skip a meal. He's fat. He's bugly. What the hell? He's cocky too. I mean, we've seen a bunch of these plastic surgeons on Bravo, and this guy is easily the worst in terms of attitude and personality. You know, at least Terry Dubrow. He's sort of a asshole, but he's like funny and Paul- And at least Terry injects himself. You know, Terry will work on him. Are you going to take your car to get fixed at a place where like the guys only walk? No, you need to have a man with a car. Like, why would you go to some ugly guy to get prettier? And that explains a lot of the looks in that fashion show. Well, either way, this guy, on top of everything else, he was also very rude to women. He was rude to his wife. She starts talking. He's like, well, anyway, I need to have office hours. So can you get out of here? By, by, by later on the cameras are there. And she's just giving him that icy look like I'm telling you off in my head right now, but I have the pin number to the Wells Fargo account, and I'm just going to take it out on that later. Exactly. And he later on, he says something to a woman. He was like, he said, looks like you're ready for the mommy makeover. And she's like, what? Yeah, he's just like, hey, good to see you. Oh, yeah, time for that mommy makeover. Jeez. They're like, Oh, they're like, Oh, Gail, you look like a Barbie doll. He's like, yeah, falling apart. Jesus, not nice. He's a fucking asshole. Jesus, like, when are you going to finish with your fucking surgery to look like real Pearlman's husband? Danny DeVito. Danny DeVito. Yeah, when you're going to finish your Danny DeVito penguin surgery, Dick. Yeah. So then either way, Liza and Andy, they actually go to him to get some Botox. And when they're as they're on their way, Liza's ex calls up. And I don't know what happened in this conversation, but she suddenly starts freaking out. She's like, talk to me like a human being. Talk to me like a human being. Liza who's been cool this whole time. She's like, yeah, I think just didn't work out with author, but you know, blah, blah, blah. I have to move on me. I have to move out of the house. Can you believe he's doing this text? No, I won't show the house tomorrow. So he calls and she's like, hello. Yeah, but don't say to me like that. Don't disrespect me though. And then she shows her bread. Look, no, it's the same. Why are you talking to me like that? No. And then afterwards, she has like a classic long island. She ever, she's one of those classic long island, like overly dramatic moments. She's like, I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. Yeah. She's like immediately calm, you know, after it's like, she goes from calm to like, yeah, don't even like that though. I'd paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. Talk to me like a human being. Someone talk to me like a human being if an unfreeze me because I'm paralyzed. Someone help me. Oh my god. Talk to me like a human. Talk to me like a human so I can unfreeze. If you're wondering about the relationships in this show, there's a bunch of clues that are dropped throughout the show. One of these is one of these girls talking about Gail because they just showed Gail. And one of them said, Gail lived every woman's dream twice. She married a doctor two times like, Oh God, you women need to get different fucking dreams. Is that place cut off from like the internet or the rest of the world? I mean, come on. We're father than that women. Come on, stand up strong women. Well, these women need to be modern women, maybe like Susan. And you know what Susan's whole thing is she works. She has a job. She has a job. She's always been working. She's been working ever since she graduated. She's works. She's a new girl. South Shore, Susie, South Shore, Susan. So, you know, inevitably I kept on wondering as the show is going on, I was like, there has to be a new girl in this group. There has to be, and sure enough, it's Susan who has she's the only one with dark hair and she's from the South Shore. So leave it to Andy. Andy who is walking around in jorts with the pockets sticking out out of her ass. She goes, you know, South Shore just isn't sophisticated. So if the South Shore, if if this woman is saying the South Shore isn't sophisticated, then the South Shore must be just like a fucking dump. It must just be full of trash and like broken mattresses like, yeah, it's just like every test of like, food, like old worn out spoons and like, gum chewed up gum. Because of Andy and Lizzie and and Corey and all the rest of them are what qualify as sophisticated. And then I have very low hopes for the South Shore. Very, very low hopes. Oh my god, they have couches outside. They have couches on their porches. It's a couch on a porch. Daddy, help, math, math, math. That's from Princesses Long Island. If you all missed it, please go back and watch it. You'll thank us later. Yeah, seriously, that show is amazing. Dad, hi, our jet. I'm into flight of the South Shore. And then dad, how? So now we are at this fashion show. Now, this is not just a fashion show. This is a plastic surgery fashion show. So the ugly fat Danny DeVito penguin doctor can criticize women and then show off his wonderful work. Yeah, kind of people. Well, maybe before that, though, before we even get to the fashion show, though, we get to see a little bit of Susan in her home. We get to meet Susan and we get to meet her husband, John. And this guy is a schlub. This guy is just the king of the schlubs. And oddly enough, I feel like I'm going to like him the most. Because everything he sits there in his little laptop. Hey, Susan, hey, Susan. I'm on my laptop. And she's like, hey, John, I think I'm going to go buy this now. He's like, hey, Susan, your pocketbook is a revolving door. The money goes into revolving doors and goes out the revolving door. I'm like, yeah, John, I think we all understand how a revolving door works. You don't have to spell it out. Like we get it. My money's like the kind that goes in through the revolving door, but then it puts its foot in the revolving door so it can't move. And then no one else can get in the revolving door. And then people are like, is that a regular door? And I'm like, no, but now you can look at me because I'm in a cage with my money. One time I put too much money into Susan's revolving door purse. And then the money got caught and the money got hurt. And we had to take the money to the hospital because it broke its arm getting caught in the revolving door because the door goes around. You see, it goes around. If it put too many things in there, it gets caught. That's the way revolving doors work. And that's why money in the revolving door works. Here, let me explain some more. I love it. And he's telling me, this is how he wakes up in the morning. Oh, I brush your teeth. The alarm clock didn't wake me up. You're breath dead. And she's like, I fuck you, John. He's like, yeah, fuck you too. She's like, fuck you. I'm going on my run. Never gets easier. I'm always running the same thing. That's always the same. Just running. Just running. Just running. But four people do. These rich bitches stop running. Why aren't these rich people running? This is how we do it in the South Shore. We earn it. We run. Babe, it's like you're putting a marathon. You know, it's like a marathon is like a 26 mile thing. So even though you're not doing 26 miles, it feels long. So it feels like a marathon. That's why it's like a marathon. Babe, you're breath. So yeah, that was super classy. And then this is the woman who just bragged about being the only one that's been working for 20 years. And she's like, babe, I need money. I need money. Why don't I have any? He's like, you got a job? She's like, yeah, but I need more money. I need more. What are you? What are you so begging here? Do you make any money at this job? Let's be honest. Yeah. What was her job again? She says she's been selling clothes. So I don't know what that means. I don't know if she's like a buyer for like marshals or some shit. I don't know what. Yeah, I don't know. Listen, having a tag sale does not count as a profession. Yeah, she's like, I had a yacht sale. I sell clothes. That's what we do on the South Shore. It's called the job. So either way, now we get to the fashion show. And then Corian. So Corian lies us each other like, oh, my God. Hi, hi, hi. And Corian's like, yeah, you know what? I met Liza when we were both having gastrointestinal issues. I'm like, yep, North Shore, so sophisticated. And I knew she was the shit. I'm like, yeah, literally. I knew she was full of shit. I was like, are you having problem taking shit? And she was like, yeah, I'm having problem taking shit. So we're both, we're both constipated together. Oh, my God, we're like best girlfriends. I just love that they're talking about how classy it is while they're in a plastic surgery fashion show. And the guy, one of their husbands brings cheese. He brings like three pieces of cheese. And he's like, here, ladies, I brought you some cheese. Don't cut the cheese. Oh, God, and never mind of the purple lighting. So then- Purple lighting, yes. It was lit definitely lit like a Shaw's party bus. So then we have our first hint of a rivalry, which is that when Susan shows up, Gail's like, you know what? We've taken an aerobics class, and that's the extent of our relationship. Susan is not classy. Oh, God, ladies. So as a lady married to the penguin, just be quiet. You know, it's always those bitchy, uptight ladies married to husbands who hate them, who hate all the ones that have fun. So I look forward to her getting raked over the coals because she's awful. You know Gail's awful, right? Gail is awful. And she's just basically projecting all her unhappiness onto Susan. Yeah, and I guess that she's unhappy, and I get why she would be unhappy, but I'm from the land of- It's your fucking fault for marrying a rich doctor just for his rich doctorness. You did not marry that man for his poetry or his looks. I know that much, so deal with it, bitch. And actually, at some point in the show, somebody says, "Oh, in the scene we already talked about, "we're the lady freaked out on the phone with her ex-husband." And she's like, "Thanks to me, like he's human!" Her friend in the car said, "Listen, "he's taking care of you, do what you gotta do, "and just hang up the phone. "What's the big deal?" It's like you're getting the money from it, right? Like, do your job and be quiet. And I kind of like that. It's just renamed the show whores. Just whores the long island, whores the long island. Yeah. So speaking of people who are unhappy, enter Amy, who is the one who looks like Beth from The Real World. She sort of glides into this fashion show. I think she looks like the chick from Vanderpump Rules. Vail, yeah. Maybe it's Vail meets Beth. Either way, she's sort of like, she's very sad. She walks in like a sad Japanese ghost. And I was like, "Hi, Amy. "Hi, Amy. "Oh my god. "Amy's like the most sophisticated out of all of us." I was like, "What? "Where are these women getting the notion of sophistication? "Do they know what this word means? "Maybe that's the problem with the show. "They don't actually know what sophisticated means." I wouldn't be surprised. Wait, they said she was the most sophisticated or the least? I think they said she was like the most. They're like, she was born and bred on the North Shore. Oh, well, she's also like the youngest and prettiest. So I think there's like a certain amount of respect/hate that goes along with that from the other ladies. Yeah. Now to be fair, some of the women what they were saying about Susan started to make sense when Susan was like, "You know what happened to me with my boobs? "One time I felt a warm tingling sensation." And then I put on a, I was like, "I have to put on a sports bra and I put it on." And then my husband was like, "Babe, you got to go to the gas station. "You better fill her up. "You better go off to Mexico. "You better work at Mexico." Oh my god. Yeah, he might as well have gone to Mexico, babe. Maybe they could have fixed your breath there too. Whoa! "A wife with some big tits and breasts "and smells like tacos, I'm in. "Get Mexico, viva el poquito." "Babe, it's like you got a watermelon and a pancake. "What am I supposed to do? "This isn't a complete breakfast. "Hey, babe." She's like, "Aah, John." Yeah, but what else did you talk to? Because she was saying that stuff to the plastic surgeon. They love that shit. And he's like, "Oh, hello." She's like, "All a plastic surgeon, "listen to my boobs story." And he's like, "Yeah, we got to go. "I got to go meet the lady from the news "and actual celebrity who's going to be on my show." It's like, okay, then. Yeah, he's like, "We have a big star here today. "Pamela De Franco from CBS Morning News. "She fills in every third Thursday on the Saturday morning, "five a.m. shift. "She's going to be our MC. "So excuse us. "We have royalty here." We're talking, we're going to be talking to the spokeswoman for Chuck E. Cheese. All right, we have more important things to do here. Excuse me, we have Connie Schwartz here. As you all know, she is the former consumer reporter for Fox 5. And I think everyone still remembers her story about Bumblebee Tuna Fish, okay? Come on. She'll be MCing. She's the first person to ever meet John Stossel and fought in his face. We're proud for here. It's a parade for Connie every year. That guy's such a, the husband who's the pig is so funny. I just fucking, he's like Juicy Joe, who's already been to prison and gives no Fox. Like he, he does not care. He says whatever he wants. He's like cat calling during the cat, during the fashion show. He's like, "Yeah, look at those tushin' plants. "Ah, they'd be single again. "Oh, they'd be single." Yeah, Fred Flintstone. You're totally getting in on that 20-year-old fake butt. Get out of here. You know what's kind of funny, Ronnie? I actually wrote down Fred Flintstone also. Well, yeah, I mean, that's the most obvious Fred Flintstone. Yeah, and then rest of them are all Barney's. But, um, including the women. The men are just like Barney's with extensions. Including the women. I'm gonna go on. I love that fashion show. He's like, they start like talking shit about all the models. They're walking the lady. It's like calf implants. Butt implants. Nose job. Ear job. Neck job. Yeah, I love that. My husband's like, "Yeah, I love your new neck. "I want to stick my penis in its folds until it, you know, "does something. "I don't even know what it's going to do. "I haven't, I haven't found out since present. "Oh, you can get me." It was such a sophisticated body part show. I hope they all went to Leonard's afterwards and got themselves a nice spaghetti. Those cats really up to sophistication level. Yeah, it was by far the most exciting thing happening at Northern Boulevard that entire night. I don't understand muscle implants. Those are so weird to me. If you get big muscle implants, people are just gonna ask you to help them move. Yeah. It's like buying a pickup truck. Why would you ever do that? Yeah, exactly. So I know, side note alert too late. I hate pickup trucks. I do too. But we also live in LA with tiny parking spaces. So big cars really, I get very resentful. I think I hate pickup trucks mainly because of the commercials that are produced. Surround the ram. It's always live. The Dodge Ram, are you a man? Yeah, it's all that bullshit. This ram can pull a cruise liner. I'm like, great. I was hoping to transport the QE2 across the country. The Dodge Ram, the only truck big enough to carry your tiny penis and your obese family everywhere on the weekends. Dodge Ram, not purposes. I know. And the whole thing is like a pickup truck is supposed to be sort of like a symbol of good old America, old fashion values, farmers, blah, blah, blah, blah. Pickup trucks are so damn expensive now. Like, no, like you have to have so much money. Like they are clearly for the elites. Well, they still are like old America because they're like, pick up the Dodge Ram. And then the background is always like an American flag blowing. And like a golden retriever. Like a gold filter, like a gold filter over it. Yeah, then a golden retriever hops in. And then they always like, can you know Dodge, can your pickup truck do this? And they like drop like 10 girders in the back and pickup trucks sort of like lurches. And it's like, yeah, I'm like, what says, when are you going to be dropping like giant girders into the back of your pickup truck? Like just get out of here. I've had enough of you with your pickup trucks. Like how about like a funny pickup truck? Pickup truck commercial. Why not that? Why does everything have to be like, their past in like this world of like manly patriotism and like super conservative real Americans drive pickup trucks? How else would we take all those Native American bodies to the river and dump them in? Pickup trucks. How we kill the Indians? Big man. Yeah, I think that's what I really hate about pickup trucks. It's just a way. So it's like short fat guys getting out of those anyway. Yeah, darling. There's never really a hot fucking all American, big old Marlboro man coming out the pickup truck. Never seen it. It's always some little short dude with a fat wife. Let me get out of here. Patty, quickly get over here. Chef Penny, what I want you to do is this. Okay. We're going to get a pickup truck and we're just going to fill the back entirely with tuna tartar. All right. And then just deliver it to the men of the construction site. All right. We want the men to know that just because with this bar is not for them, doesn't mean our tartar is not for them. We have to go menu two boys. Here's what we got. All right. We got three vats with a salmon mousse. So I just fill up the back of the pickup truck and send it off to the Grand Canyon. All right. Don't let them in there. Anyway, I like how the poor, the South sort girl was trying to be nice to Gail, the plastic surgery wife. And she's like, hello Gail. How you doing? And Gail's like, I have to work now. I actually have to work. She's like, you work? Yeah. Behind the scenes for my husband. I've been working for him for years behind the scenes. And she's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I like that the poor one was like, ah, ah, ah, ah. Yeah, the poor one was like, yeah, well, you know what? I type on a keyboard. OK, so I really work really hard too. Yeah. Do you ever sell clothes for your husband? No. Cabs are not the same as clothes. Doesn't count. So meanwhile, after the fashion show, we get to learn more about Amy. And her 20 year old son emerges from the house in a two, two and rabbit, rabbit ears. And he gets ice cream from an ice cream truck. Meanwhile, Amy's sitting there recording the whole thing. She's like, hey, Max, is this making Insta? Is it going on Insta? And I was like, this is the saddest thing. The sun is not sad. There's been one ice cream. He came out in a two, two and like a tank top and a crown. And he chase ice cream truck. And he's like, Phil, you're here. You're finally here in front of a house. Oh, you did it, Phil. And then he gets an ice cream and dances in a two, two in front of the thing. And then he's like, here, mom, here's my ice cream. It's like what this was just for Vine. Yeah, it was just the saddest. It was like, oh, God, here's a mom helping her son try to be an Instagram star. Oh, good. It was a lot of community shit. They were in an old show, darling. It was just very, very, very tragic. And then there was some other stuff that really was inconsequential. Her ex came over and sounds like, mom, you're old, like, whatever. So then we go back to Liza's house, where she's planning a pre-prom party for her daughter, Ryan, where 300 people are going to come, which is absolutely ridiculous. But anyway, she has to be planning the party, and Liza has pissed some more that she's going to be losing the house. Yeah, that huge ass house. She doesn't mean that huge house. And then-- It's an ugly house, but-- And then the shit talker was like-- Who's Amy? Oh, we already talked about Amy. I'm sorry, we're on to the other blonde. Yeah, we're on to Liza. I just love that the speaking of the other one that we just said was boring. We're not going to talk about. I like that the shit talker was like, I love Amy. Love her. I love Amy. But the scandal is that she met her husband, the Little League game, and they were both married. Huge scandal. Huge love her. Love her, though. I really love her. Little bit. She's very sophisticated. She's the most sophisticated woman here. So speaking of Amy, so after the party planning, nothing really happened there. So then, Andy met with Amy at a restaurant, and they were talking about Arthur. So there's Arthur, Amy, and Andy, OK? Arthur is like the asshole boyfriend. Triple A. Yeah. If only they were useful enough to get my car unlocked. I know. If only a toy truck would go and send them off into the sound. So put them in the flatbed. So the whole story is that Amy's new boyfriend, Arthur, is apparently emotionally abusive. He manipulates her. He sort of yells at her, makes her feel shitty, and in the next day, he'll give her roses. We've seen it a million times on reality TV. So he comes from abuse to flowers, flowers to abuse. So Amy and Andy are talking about it. And Andy's like, you know what? You have to get rid of him. This guy's no good. You've got to look out for yourself. I don't like the way you are with him. I don't like the way he treats you. You've got to have some self-respect. You know, all the typical stuff that a good girlfriend-- And this one's been-- is this the one that's been married three times, only giving the advice? It was, right? Yes. She's like, what's important is you. What's important is your happiness. Who cares? This are the guys out there. Go get them while you're still young. Go, I think-- There are at least three guys out there. There are at least three guys out there. I know that much. Yeah, these guys act like it's a job. And you know when you're talking to your friends and they're thinking of leaving a job. And they're like, I can't leave my job until I find another one. Listen, this is not the same thing, all right? She's like, look, here's the back of the newspaper. All right, all the jobs are listed. Now listen, any man who lists a job in this paper means that he's working somewhere and he has a job. So go to these job interviews and meet the manager and just try and take them. They're like, these are the personal ads. They're like, that's right, it's employment. It's wanted, help wanted. So anyways, they're talking. And then I guess Arthur just happens to come and he walks by and he's like, I don't even know what he said. He was something like, this isn't real, this isn't funny. Yeah, this is real fucking, whatever. Fucking me, no, no, no. I think he said something about the cameras. Like fuck this, I'm not doing this. What is this, a show? I'm not doing this. Fuck this, fuck you, fuck you stupid bitch. So Amy got the strength in your fucking sleep. She's like-- Nothing I shouldn't mean tomorrow. Well, Amy was confused. She thought he was joking at first. She's like, ah, come on, sit down, sit down. Then he, but he was like, no, this is a fucking joke and he walked inside, he huffed and popped. He was an asshole. And then she's like, I'm going to go follow him. So fuck you, get the fuck out of here, woo! Classy. Classy, classy, all, very classy. Then we went to the prepwamp party. Am I the only person who does not feel sorry for any of these bitches? Like seriously, stopping. Your whole life is based on fucking men for money and now I'm not going to feel sorry for you. Get a job, bah. Yeah. So then we go to the prepwamp party from Ryan. And if all you ladies out there, if you guys were wondering this past like May or June where all the dark makeup went, it went into this production. Because everyone gave themselves the biggest raccoon eyes possible. I mean, this was like-- They practically looked like they were wearing masquerade masks. I mean, it was like-- Dark makeup has come to Long Island, along with pink hair extensions for the women. Like, what decade is this show filmed in Jesus? Yeah, these were not smokey eyes. This was like-- there wasn't smoke. There was a bonfire. And then someone took the ashes and put it on their eyes. It was just like, this was a sooty eye, OK? I have a feeling that this show was actually made for a different channel. And then they passed on it and Bravo bought it. And here's why. Because-- and if it wasn't, I apologize. And I would like to blend that apology into a thank you to Bravo. Bravo, thank you for the gays on this show. I love the gays on this show. There's two gays. Yeah, I like them too. They're obviously gay. Like, they're not, you know, like that stupid fake manly gay, like, in East Hollywood, where they're like, "Ooh, yeah, hardcore porn on the TV, torch ram!" They're not like that kind of gay. They're like real gay people that just are men too. And I love it. Yeah. It's like just two, like, cute guys. And also, I have to say these men probably have both Botoxed. And they look fairly normal. So thank you for normal male surgery, too, because Lord knows we've never seen that before on this channel. So thank you, Bravo. I love watching the guys planning the party and standing by the swimming pool and sexually harassing the movers. They're like, "Hey, yo. Hey, yo, Johnny. Are you sure your boys aren't hot and want to take off your sharks?" Yeah, that would be great. Take off your sharks. I was like, wow. These are real men gays. I love it. Yeah, I like to-- and I was also-- I was also echoing his sentiment about how you got the shirts. I know. And they were even nice to the chubby one. I love them. I love the gays. Love the gays on this show. Thanks, Bravo. You're changing the world one gay at a time. We also met Liza's mom, who was sort of like a blonde, heavy set Jackie Collins, right? And she's sort of-- Oh, yes. Big, long blonde hair. Again, dark, dark eyes, dark lips, everything. Yeah, she's going to be amazing. Mom, I want you to be nice today during the party. And don't be your normal self, making comments. What comments do I make? I don't make comments. Mom, all day you make comments. Just keep them to yourself. All right, I'll keep them in. And then I'll let them out tomorrow. And you can hear them tomorrow. All right. She's going to be so good. I cannot wait to see this mother. Because you know that's where this bitch gets her personality. You know the mom's going to be mad. She's going to get mad and offended over something and pull a-- Just talk to me like a human, at least. Just talk to me like a human. At some point, the mom's going to do the exact same thing. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So then Andy and Susan wind up talking about Amy. They're talking about Amy's whole situation. And Susan's answered everything. I was like, you know what she needs to do? She needs to leave him. She needs to get a job. She needs to get a job. That's what she needs to do. Love her. I love her. And then-- And then the lady she's talking to gets all offended. She's like, can you believe her? Who says that to a woman? Get a job. That is disgusting. I mean, her answer to everything is self-responsibility and getting a job. I would divorce her. I would divorce her right now if I was married to her and find another one. I mean, you can't just tell a woman to get a job. I mean, she's talking about a hand job or a blow job. We need to know these things, OK? She's so ambiguous. If she was given jobs, she wouldn't have this problem. All right? And then the prom bus left. And the episode pretty much ended at that point. But yeah, big fan, big fan. The mom's watching her daughter leave on the bus. She's just like, bye. I can't believe my daughter's on a bus. I didn't get to say goodbye to Ryan. I didn't get to say goodbye. I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. That bus didn't even treat me like, are you? Am I just sleeping like, are you a woman at least? I couldn't say goodbye to her because I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. Someone touched me. Someone tagged me so I can be unfrozen. I'm going to love this show. Yeah. I feel like every summer Bravo bus out, a great lady-centric show that then disappears. I mean, we've had Game of Crowns, Gallery Girls. This one will probably, since we love it so much, it will probably do terribly in the ratings. And we'll never see it again. So enjoy what you got at Princess's Long Island, and these women look like an open-faced ham sandwich left in a toast or too long. And I love their-- You don't want a sandwich. Don't have a sandwich. I like when they say things like, it's not hard to look-- I mean, it's very difficult to look this good. I'm like, really? Because you look like you're wearing skin curtains over your throat. Like, what are you talking about? Who said it was hard to look this good? Who said that? What alternate universe? Girls said something like, oh, it takes so much work to keep-- you know, my husband could be out cheating. I mean, I have to, like, really work hard to keep that fat ugly bastard at home. Oh, god. Oh, Jesus. Love it. And I love every second of it. I'm going to love hating you, bitches. Bring it on! Speaking of bitches, et cetera, why don't we go to Shaw's. I have a bunch of notes on Shaw's, but I can go through them pretty well. I will let you just do Shaw's as a monolith, if you want. Because basically, I hate this fucking show. I hate fucking Reza. The most exciting thing about the show is that it had a finale stamp on it. Hated it, rooted it, rooting for the Tigers. Hate the show. Glad it's over. Bye. Bye, Shaw's. I love this show, but they are all ridiculous. So it starts off-- there's still in Thailand for Reza's fake former wedding story. So Reza's like, you know what? I'm going to be a soldier, you know? Because he's like, you know, Adam's not here, but he's going to be a soldier. And I'm like, yes, you'd be a soldier, Reza. You go and you enjoy a trip in paradise without Adam. You are a soldier. You are really-- Look at how brave you are. Look at you. Look at how brave you are enjoying that beautiful weather in those beaches. Congratulations. So hard. Meanwhile, Adam's like crying on the couch at home, like masturbating to free ball porn, you know? Alone and sad. Shut up, Reza. I'm not going to feel sorry. That's why I'm so mad. This whole episode was, oh, let's feel bad for Reza. Because he misses Adam. Reza's taking a fucking party trip instead of bringing his fiance to the wedding. Like, fuck him. They could still-- They still could have called off the wedding, and he still could have-- I feel bad. You should fucking feel bad, and I don't feel bad for you. Stop your whining with your stupid fake. I'm going to sit here and stare at a serenity pool. What's that? Music, please. Shut up. He still could have brought Adam. They just could have just enjoyed it as a group trip, not as a wedding. It's so-- Oh, why would he do that? He could be all fucking like lady boys or whatever. So then we have a scene with Mike, where he's still going, like, I still love-- I love Reza, like my brother. And I'm sad. I see these photos without me. Oh, yeah, yeah. So Mike is at the tailor. We used to be bonded in bad fashion, and now I'm here getting a really shitty overpriced ugly suit downtown in some weird person studio apartment on the 18th floor alone. It's so sad, bro. Now, Mike, we know Mike's in trouble, because he's getting a tux from a tailor. And the tailor's own collar is too big. The tailor can't even fit his own clothes. He can't even-- Yeah, that's-- He can't even address it. Like, the collar-- he was like swimming in that collar. This is bad news. So meanwhile, they were cross-cutting this with Reza getting a custom-made tux in Thailand. It was supposed to be this moment of great sadness. These two friends who were like brothers now getting their own tuxedo separately. And Reza was like, I want to tux this dictator she. So, which means it's going to have Chevron going in four different directions. That's what that means. Then anyway, back in Thailand, then the gang, they all went to one of those places where they put their feet in the fish tank and the fish eat their dead skin. And I have never felt worse for fish. I was like-- No kidding. Those fish are going to be like goldfish and just eat until they fucking explode and die. Oh, these fish are like-- They're never going to-- they're going to never get enough loose skin. They're never going to get to the bottom of that skin. They're like, we feel like kings today, but it tastes so bad. MJ is actually a thin person. She just doesn't exfoliate. That's like a layer of dead skin. Yeah. Let's see. Then MJ, I have a note here. I guess MJ was-- I think MJ said in maybe one of her interviews that she thinks Asan really needs to get over the bachelor party snub, which is bullshit. Because if MJ were snub for something, MJ could hold a grudge forever. If anyone loves to hold a grudge, it's MJ. So she shouldn't be asking for Asan to be reasonable in that situation. Yeah, I mean, she was a bitch. And then she's like, well, I guess it offended her. I'm sorry it offended her. It's like one of those apologies. I'm sorry you're offended, but you're like my sister. Well, yeah, they had MJ sort of calm down. And she later had a more sincere apology. But then so then we have-- they all go out at night. And res is like-- And MJ I actually like. Like I actually like MJ and Asa but this show. So then next thing that happens, they go out at night and they're lady boys and they're dancing the bar. And res is like, oh my god, like guess what? I'm finally out of my funk. It's like, oh my god, guys, congratulations. Res is out of his fake funk. You guys, oh my god, what a special moment. Res is-- Yeah, Res is now at a place where there's dick everywhere. So he's like going to be totally fine with what Adam did by making him break up with him and then leave him at home and not even call any of his friends and just stay there alone to sadly watch Free Ball Porn. Exactly. But then the Reza Bullshit Express continues the next day when they go to a tiger-- they go to most tiger sanctuary to get one of those photos where they're hugging a tiger. And Reza literally says, Adam and I always had a fantasy of being at this particular tiger sanctuary together. I mean, first of all, that's a very specific fantasy. Yeah. That's totally a Yelp fantasy that they were on together. And how mean to be like, so I'm going to go without him. And he's like, oh no, I feel sad again because Adam isn't here. Like, shut the fuck up. Stop saying this. Stop trying to do damage control. We know you're having a great time. Go take your douchey tinder photo with the tiger and move on. Here we are, everybody. The one place Adam wanted to come to in Thailand. Oh, poor me. [LAUGHTER] Like an asshole. But those tiger cubs were adorable. That was really-- that was like really melodic. Whatever. Listing to this, I was like, I'll be looking at Facebook for the next hour. So then they go and they have a purity chant, which causes Gigi to get very emotional. She's like, it's making me think of everything I've gone through the past year. I'm like, what have you gone through? What have you done nothing? Yeah, she's like, oh my god. It's like, remind me of what I went-- I was like, I sat on the couch. Or remember that time I went to the fridge? Oh my god, it's all coming back. Remember that time I dated a guy without a tattoo? It was so hard. It's still hard. I'm in the hardest relationship. Yeah, Gigi. Poor Gigi in her year. She's like, those guys, I think they're trying to fuck me. It's like, they're monks, all right? No. I'm just like, look at all these like bald fat guys. And just like jerking off in the corner. [LAUGHTER] Meanwhile, we then cut to Asifah, Asifah and Bobby, who have a C-net, and guess where? F-F. They're at Mixology, home to all the-- Fast forward. Home to all the greatest reality stars on Broadway. Yes, where someone got punched on Vanderpump Rules and she never stepped on glass or something. Yeah, this place must give a deep discount. So Asifah's like, I dress super cute to see Bobby. I'm like, you know what, I hope that both of them, when they get to Mixology, they both throw themselves down those stairs to get up there. I mean, it's just, just go break your necks or something. Please, you guys, I hate this whole-- I hate the whole idea of like a woman dressing super cute to make the guy feel jealous or taken back. It's so old-fashioned. I mean, just, I hate it so much. So then-- Well, you know, she has to because Bobby, you know, Bobby's like giving her ultimatums in 60 days. And if she behaves in a certain amount of time, he'll give her a gold star, which is a ring. And that's all really, that's really all any girl wants. It's just a ring from a guy that they kind of don't love. It has a good job. I mean, that's what women are, right? That's all they want. Just a fucking dick with money. Who cares? Fuck you. And fuck this fucking show. Yeah. And Bobby's showing up like with too much sun. I guess that proves that plastic melts. I mean, plastic peels just like regular skin. That guy looks like fucking Robert De Niro and Al Pacino shoved into one body and peeling off their mask and turning into like a fucking Joe Pesci. He's horrible, horrible. They are. And the best is at the end, you know, of course, these two, because they're awful. They settle the differences. And Asif is like, you know, as I was saying, here's how it's going to work. I'm going to stay the same and you stop being full of shit. And she's like, but then will I get a ring? Sure. You'll get a tiny ring if you behave. OK, then I'll cut my shit. And if I don't, you can break up with me. But I just want to ring. Is it going to be big? I know. So then she's like, you know, it's funny because like, you know, my sometimes my brain says I shouldn't. But then my heart says, I should. And it's like, my heart always wins. And like, no, it's not your heart. It's your daddy issues. OK, it's time to be honest about that. My heart says one thing. And my brain says another thing. And America says, shut the fuck up. Both of you get off my fucking TV. Get out. Yeah. And then we have a scene of Mike and one more scene of him reflecting. He's like, he's like up on up on top of the Mahaloid Hills, looking out at Universal City. And he's like reflecting about the year and everything. He's like thinking about things. And Mike, if there's one thing that will never help you in life, it's staring at the San Fernando Valley. That will never help you. You will get no insight about anything in life by staring at the valley. He's like, I'm going to stare at a neighborhood with really big parking spaces. It's like someone in Manhattan going through some deep issues and staring at Staten Island for help. Yeah, yeah. Well, look, you know, actually, you're kind of making his point because it kind of does help sometimes. It just dares someone worse off than you. It's like, listen, my life in the city may suck, but at least I'm not living on a trash heap, like a floating trash heap. And I've lived on Staten Island, so don't give me crap. I'm saying that from personal experience. So, say George, baby. Yeah, Staten Island, dump baby. So then it sort of all ends on a beach and they're frolicking on the beach, everyone in Thailand. And then we get that every season ends this way with this bullshit line. And this time it was awesome who said it goes, you know what? In the end, we just always come together and chew love. I'm like, yeah, you all come together, except for Mike. Yeah, except for my family. Kind of forgot that part of it. Every year, someone's got to drop off that you kill, you know? Yeah, so you basically didn't come together at all. And then as for Reza, he ends this whole thing by making this list. He's like, you know what I realize? There are so many things that are important to my life. He's like, my family, my career, my car, tiger pictures, chevron patterns, the place on Stanley, rice. Oh yeah, and Adam, huh? That's so good. That whole conversation that he had with Asa, the one who doesn't want to talk about the show, is always the one who's going to rewind it 20 times to talk about other steps on the show. But that scene that he had with Asa, where she's telling him, listen babe, you're going to be with this guy for the rest of your life. And, you know, who wants to be in a relationship with no passion? You need to move on. How about one person suggesting, just one person suggesting to Reza, that your relationship possibly doesn't have enough passion because you're not giving something to your partner. Like, why is it all about Mike or whatever? What's the boyfriend? I forgot already, what's it? I know it was me. Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam. - Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam. - Team gay. - Hashtag, team gay. - Hashtag, team gay. You know, maybe team gay needs more attention or love or for it not to be about Reza all the time, or maybe Reza needs to find out what is really, maybe team gay has like some freaky shit about him and he needs to be taken care of in a different way, sexually, and it's too shy to talk to Reza because Reza never stops fucking talking about himself. Maybe Reza needs to like talk to Adam and say, what is the deal with our passion? Is there something I'm doing? Am I not being romantic? Am I turning you off in some way? Is it my weight? Is it my butt? Is it my must? Is it something? Like, you're part of the relationship too, okay? You need to make adjustments too. It's not all about some fucking guy getting a boner for you, okay? - Yeah, it's about, and by the way, Reza, if you want him to be more passionate, I mean, obviously he has some sexual hang ups or whatever, which is fine. And it would be, it's your job to find a way to make Adam feel at ease and like bring that out and make Adam passionate or unlock his passion. And also, by the way, having sex 10 times a day does not necessarily mean passion. It just means you're a horn dog. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And if you wanna have sex 10 times a day and that's what you need and that's what you need. Like, I would get that in a relationship. I would do whatever I could or, you know, that goes up and down. But I would do what I could to help out 'cause you're in a relationship. Like, sex is a huge part of it and I get that it's a huge part of it, but it's not all one-sided. Like, if your man doesn't have erectile dysfunction but he never wants to fuck you, there's something going on. So maybe instead of just ditching him, making him cry, going on his wedding and honeymoon without him with a group of asshole friends and then trying to get attention from a bunch of cameras the whole time while you're talking about how you can't express your emotions while you're expressing your emotions for 12 hours. You know, maybe you should ask him what he likes. - Yeah. - Just a thought. - Yeah, exactly. Why don't you just go commando once and give him a boner? - Yeah, no kidding. How hard is it to go, you know, commando one time? - Although it's probably pretty hard to see a boner and all that, all those patterns. It's like, am I seeing a boner or is it just another strange checker, Chevron? - I know you're trying to turn me on, but all I can see is a misshapen chevron and it's really confusing me, Reva. - It's like, Reva, I'm trying to look at your boner but I'm just getting a magic eye pattern and I'm seeing a tree. (laughing) I think I see a smiley face that's coming at me three-dimensionally. (laughing) - So next week we get these fuckers in their reunion where they rip each other apart, ruin each other's relationships and, you know, reputations. - Any questions? - Here we go, it's gonna be fun. - Speaking of reunions, there was the Southern Charm reunion. - Southern Charm, I'm gonna miss you, Southern Charm. - I know, you know, it was a fun reunion but there wasn't really anything like notable for me, except towards the end when Catherine and Thomas started fighting. One note I did write down was there was some sequence where Thomas was doing something ridiculous. I think it was during the campaign commercial and Catherine goes, "This is the father of my child." Literally. (laughing) This is literally the father of my child. - This is literally the father of my child. Like, you didn't know he was some 30 years older fucking dumpy ass perv the second you met him. Get out of here. You, you got yourself, you got yourself fertilized by some cheap ass target fertilizer. Don't be surprised when your roses grow out funny, honey. Regame, what am I, I'm trying to read my notes. I wrote lo-fi, but I think maybe that's 'cause I downloaded it from the internet even though I had it recorded but I didn't wanna watch commercials. But I was like, "Wow, are they using like a handheld for this?" 'Cause it looked really, it looked really lo-fi. And I like that they tried to do the reunion thing that they're doing now with all the Bravo shows where it's like, "Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum." And then they show the backstage. And usually in the housewives they're like, "Yeah, well, Brandy was mean to me and I'm gonna rip her apart. She better not fuck with me today." "Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum." But on this show everybody's nice. So the music is the same, but then they're cutting to people and it's like shep in a T-shirt and he's like, "Yeah, we're gonna have fun." (both laughing) Yeah, or there are any Cheetos around here. I love Cheetos. You all got Cheetos? (both laughing) Southern Shaw. (both laughing) You're right, it is exactly like that. The only amount of tension with Catherine being like, "I just can't believe the things he says." It's just like, it's not right. (both laughing) (both laughing) 'Cause Catherine shows up in this like spandex mini skirt. (both laughing) And Thomas showed up in one of Cooper's red suits, looking, I mean, I think he's hitting that age. You know where you, you're aging really, really well, and then one day you wake up and you're like, "When did I turn 70?" He's having that moment. We're not eating. Something's going on. - Thomas is very skinny, yeah. - Yeah, it didn't help. Nothing's helping. Your ears are the only things that are still growing, Thomas. - I'm surprised, I'm surprised that Cooper wasn't there, but I guess, I can imagine being like, I was invited to the reunion, but I believe that gay should be seen and not heard. And by seen, I mean, put in a special corner where no one looks at them. - I was invited, but I was not invited to bring along a special lady friend, and Lord knows I won't be seen in public without a lady friend. - It's just not right. - I refuse to go on a television show, hosted by a homosexual. It's not the way they did it in old Charleston. (laughing) - At least he knows his place, and he announces everybody as they come on at his own party. - I got confused. I thought the show was taping at FAO Schwarz, because I saw a lot of giant sized toys wearing my fashions. - I like that Andy was just basically showing them how little of a shit he gave about them. He wore his glasses, never a good sign. When Andy's wearing his glasses, he's just like, I'm tired, and his bowling shoes, and his like Southern suit, his like white suit or whatever. And he starts with his usual. - Hi, I'm excited to be here. Look, it's Shep. Hi Shep. - Hi Andy. - Hi, Landen. - Hi Andy! (laughing) - Hi other person. - Hi Andy, literally hi. - I know. - Now I thought what was interesting was, Thomas and Catherine started to really fight in the last 15 minutes. And what was sort of scary was, at one point, Thomas got real angry. And he was seething, his lips were curling, and you could see he was furious. He's like, I'll tear you apart and quote, I'll tear you apart. And it was scary, 'cause it was like the real Thomas. - Oh yeah, 'cause she said, oh, you're just lying. Now I'm sick of these lies. She pulled a pedafluor. She was even wearing the bluish dress. And then she like storms off, 'cause she's sick of everybody lying about her. All these lies. And then when he said something else, she's like, oh, it's getting legal now. Now you're getting legal. And he's like, I will rip you to shred. - And it was, I know a blogger who knows a little something about law, I'm calling my judge, Sandy Duncan, to regulate this. So he, I'm liking Sandy Duncan on Instagram until she calls me back. And when that happens, you better watch out. I got word pressed behind me, bitch. - Yeah, but that was scary, 'cause it was like, ooh, that was a real nasty, evil side of him that came out in that instance. And he did it all without raising his voice, but his, ooh, but he was, his face tightened up. - Oh, it's mean. - They was mean. - Well, that video where they showed him that the hairdresser was taking, when she's like, yeah, I mean me, Fandybag, you know that rat. - That video, he was gross in that video. - I still haven't seen that video. - Gross, I mean, he's so mean. And he's wasted and he's naked. Like he's walking around naked while this other chick is there and yelling at her. And apparently he does it all the time, 'cause no one seems to really notice the difference. - Yeah. - He's just like a gross mean guy, but, you know, in his defense, she's gross too. She's just some harpy, like screaming and yelling and fighting and I love the part where he's like, yeah, you scream so much. How many hotels have we been almost kicked out of? 'Cause you're screaming and yelling. She's like, lah, that is a lie. You scream to lesbian bartender, dressler, midget, right in front of me and I don't care. - Oh yeah, what is this couple doing? What are they so dysfunctional? And then they were like, you know, they were so angry and so mean to each other. I thought for sure, like, you know, they haven't, they made it seem like they hadn't seen each other in many months. They're like, well, we haven't, this is the first time we've talked since like October. And like, so once the last time you hooked up, I don't know, a while ago, maybe like three weeks ago. - Yeah, what? - Yeah. - What? - And Andy's like, I think you're gonna fuck after this show, right? 'Cause I'm totally getting that vibe. And then they just stare at each other. Is that, it's a Bobby and Asifah. They wanna fight in front of everybody and drag everybody into their shit. And then they just go fuck anyway. Why don't you even listen to him? I mean, not you, just us. - I also, I also thought it was amusing when they're talking about that hairdresser and then it's like, why do you still hang out with her? - And then I got into, why do you still hang in her house? - I'm like, okay. Okay, well, we don't hang out. I mean, she did just do my hair, but like, what am I supposed to do? Like, not color my hair? Like, she's really good at what she does, you know? - Yeah. - I mean, we also tipped the waiter today. Breakfast, does that mean we're hanging out with the waiter? No, it just means that the waiter brought us stuff. And so we gave him money. Same thing with the hairdresser. - But then why did? - And then Cameron's like, to be fair, you know, she did ask for a new Fendi bag. So it did look like it was kinda planned. And she's like, yeah, but he threw the Fendi bag down the, I mean, the purse down the stairs. So I mean, the whole thing was really weird. - It was really, it was really weird. - Then everything else kept stepping in to stand up for Catherine, which is also really awkward because everyone's like accusing them of fucking and then he's acting like her boyfriend. He's sitting right next door. And he was the Chica of this because every time they'd be like, yeah, but Catherine, remember when you like, threatened to slit the baby's throat and then almost jumped off the roof. And he's like, well, what she meant was, you know, what she was trying to say was she's, you know, she's frustrated. He was the Chica. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah, it's not what she meant there. What she's really drawing to say then, have you seen her electric drools? It's like that she's set up Chica. - I also liked how the revisionist history about his survivalist night on jungle islands. Like, no, man, like we were both in two different holes. Like we were like, we were in the same hole. Like we had our own separate holes. So it was like, oh, totally okay, man. It was like old and rainy, man. - And then he said, yeah, I was gonna ask you which hole you were in. And then he, no one laughed. And then so he repeated it. And they still kind of didn't laugh because they're Southern. Okay, they are very classy, Andy. - Yeah. And I had to say Whitney, by the way, continued to discuss to me because even though I think we all agree that Catherine is a disaster and immature, bad for Thomas, just as Thomas is bad for her, all that stuff, Whitney is just actually so aggressively nasty to her, to someone who was like, you know, 30 years his junior, who clearly is like a lost, you know, woman, young like Bambi, you know, like these are like, they're all like adults. And here's this girl thrown into this mess. She doesn't know what to do. And all he does is just say the nastiest things. He's like, what? He's like, I believe that she, you know, had a baby to secure herself a spot on a reality show. I'm like, there are many things I believe about this baby. But one thing, I don't think she had the baby to be on a reality show. She had the baby because she fell in love with Thomas Ravenel, she has like hearts in her eyes. I was just, it was so nasty and callous. I was like, you are such an asshole, Whitney. - I don't necessarily disagree with him, but I do think that he's a total asshole. And why is it okay for him to try and bang her for a job on reality shows? And she's fine, but then the second that she actually tries to have something real that's not just giving blow jobs to him in a bathroom to get on an episode. You know, it's like one thing's disgusting, but another thing isn't it? He's, he's. - And then he will be back while he back pedals. Cause I mean, he, for people who didn't watch season one, he, he slept with or allegedly slept with Catherine. And he was like bragging about it. And he's like, well, whatever. So it's, you know, for him to act like she's this awful person that no one should be touching is bullshit. But then he back pedals and says, no, my only issue with her is like, I just don't think that like for his, for his campaign, I think she's bad for his campaign. I don't give, I don't care about anything else. I'm like, no, no, no, don't you even start that Whitney. - Yeah, but you also cast him on a reality show, which is also bad for his campaign. So shut up. He made that stupid commercial, so shut up. Like all of it's shut up. Whitney is the worst. I loved how Catherine kept, I loved that she's not afraid of him at all. You know, she just keeps coming right back at him. And I loved when he was saying, oh God, what was she, what was she saying? Like he did this for a reality show. And then she said, oh, Annie asked about her, his girlfriend. And she's like, oh, isn't she a lot younger than you? Like 80 years younger than you. And he said, yeah. And she's like, well, isn't that a little hypocritical? And he's like, no, no, it's totally different because, you know, like, I'm not running for Senate or whatever, shut up. - Yeah. - Yeah, exactly. That's why that was surprising. - That's like, she's not using me for younger. - Yeah, she's not using me for fame. I'm using her for fame. That's the difference, okay? It's not as gross when you're using a young person for fame, but young people doing it to old people is gross. - Yeah. - Okay. - Okay. All right. - By the way, there was a subtly homophobic thing that happened in the middle of the show, which was that. Craig's, there was something about, I think either Tom said it or Craig said about like, she said someone said something to me that was like disrespectful, something that, that, that, that windy gets called a lot. And like, oh, gay. I'm like, well, I thought disrespectful. Homophobes, homophobes. I mean, I get it, but it's like, it's still homophobic. - Yeah, they, everyone, I guess, thinks Craig is gay. Do you think that? I never thought that. - No, I think he's just. - Someone posted a blind item, though, on the Facebook page that I think was about him, because it said this southern star of a reality show, insists he's not gay. I'd love the blind item, southern, not blind at all. It's like some reality show star who lost his job as a lawyer after drinking too much with his friend, Chef, is thought to be, you know, insists that he's not a homosexual, but no one mentions the fact that he dropped his boyfriend right before he came on the show. - Yeah, no, I don't think that's it. - I don't get a gay vibe from him. And if he is gay, he's an extremely boring gay. - Yeah, he's doing it all wrong. - Stay in the closet, all right? I have enough boring people to talk to at the bar. I don't need you, too. - Yeah, exactly. So I think that pretty much covers a very-- - Oh, no, it doesn't. We actually, there's something very big to talk about here. Craig has a huge African-American following, which is hilarious, men. He's like, black men, love me. But that's not it. I like that K, K, Catherine was like, yeah, you're mean to me, and I'm the mother of your children, and while you were out campaigning, I was slaving away on your plantation. I was like, oh, no. I love the lack of self-awareness on this show. And I think that's the last thing I wrote. - Yeah, she was busy, she was busy putting mayo on salmon. - Yeah, you were slaving at a plantation. Oh, little white girl, please, please listen to things you say before they come out. So the certain things you can't say about a Southern show, and those are two words you can't put the same sentence if you're a white girl, okay? If you're a white girl, whose family goes back to 1731. - I was slaving away in your plantation that still has a fence, by the way. - She's like, wait one second, wait one, cotton pickin' second, okay? (laughing) - No, no, Catherine. - Okay, I'm done. That was a lot of show, this was a long one, huh? - It was a lot of show. - Oh my goodness, Ben. - Oh, and a lot of man. - No. - She's a lot of man, Ben. - We spent a lot of time on Long Island and we will be there for most of the summer, I think. - Yes, I cannot wait. I'm so excited. And OC starts next week. Hopefully we get a little Maddie Whitfield. We've asked him to come on. - Who knows with his busy schedule. - OC is on Monday. - But hopefully, come on. - So OC is gonna take over the spot of Southern Charm, I believe, right? - Okay, yeah, yeah, I guess we can talk about this now. I mean, if you're sick of listening to a shut it off, it's nothing important. But what days do you wanna record now? So, I mean, we're recording the same days, but should we do OC on Tuesdays now? - I think that'll be good because it's a bigger show. And really, I mean, all the shows we have right now to talk about on Tuesday, this week, really. I mean, it was Candy's Key Trip, Blood, Sweatin' Heels, and what was the other one? Melbourne's gone. - Yes, so we'll do OC on Tuesdays. - Yeah, 'cause two housewives shows in one of our episodes is too much. - I know, you saw how hard it was for us to do New York and secrets and wives in an efficient manner. - Yeah, I mean, this should'll be five hours, it'll be Les Mis every week, girl. I mean, this is gonna be a summer of bitches screaming at each other, that's for sure. - Because we're sophisticated. We're from the North Shore. - Yeah, we're sophisticated. We're from the North Shore, been farted on me. Blue! (laughing) - Hey mama, it's time to wrap up this show. So everyone, thank you for listening. If you made it this far, Mazel Tov, free ticket for you to go to the North Shore of Long Island and be sophisticated. Thank you for listening. You can support us on Patreon, patreon.com/watchworkrapins. We are almost at 1,000 per episode, which is absolutely amazing. I am gobs-backed, I can't believe we've got that support. - Yeah, thanks so much for all of that help you guys and that support. Thank you, thank you. This is amazing doing, it's like an actual job. - Yeah, it actually really helps us a lot. Also, Facebook, if you go to our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchworkrapins. You can read all the gossip that we never even covered on this show, a lot of super funny comments, a lot in great community. If you are jones in for someone to talk about real housewives with or whatever throughout the course of the week, that's where you go. And of course, go to watchworkrapins.com to follow us on social media to find all our links there. So thanks everyone and we will talk to you all next Tuesday. Bye. - Bye everybody. - If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. 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