Unlock your imagination with Audible when you listen to audio content in your mind as free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Plus, a great narrator can really take things to the next level. There's more to imagine when you listen. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives, all while multitasking or relaxing. Right now, I'm listening to our friend Elena Urkhart's "The Butcher Game." It's a sequel, it's fantastic, it's a serial killer cat-mouse. I absolutely love her, I love what she's done, and it's really cool and very beautifully told on the Audible version. And as an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text-crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text-crapins to 500-500. Listen, weight loss drugs and GLP1s are all anybody's talking about right now, they're everywhere, but it's confusing to figure out how to get them. But it doesn't have to be. Through hymns and hers, you can get access to a budget-friendly weight loss program personalized just for you. Hymns and hers connects you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine your best treatment option, and if prescribed, you get the medication as part of a doctor-developed weight loss program complete with ongoing support check-ins, medication adjustments, and answers to questions, 100% online at no additional cost. Through hymns and hers, weight loss plans are more affordable, starting at $199 per month with a 12-month subscription paid upfront. No hidden fees, no access fees, and no membership fees. Start your free online visit today at forhurs.com/crapins. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com/crapins for your personalized weight loss treatment options. For hers.com/crapins. Her's weight loss is not available everywhere. Companded products are not FDA-approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required, restrictions apply. Do you find yourself longing for the utter nonsense and bullshit of Vanderpump rules or miss the heavy makeup and radioactive orange spray tans of the Jersey Shore? Don't have the patience to watch yet another reality TV show? Will I hear you there? The solution is the only way is Jamie. A newish web series covering every season of the UK reality show, The Only Way is Essex, which if you have not seen that show is hilarious. You can catch Jamie Z, that's J-A-Y-M-E, and the all British shenanigans on YouTube telling. I mean, come on, we've all got questions. What's the potential? [Music] Hey everybody, welcome to The Watch What Crapins Podcast, a podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karen from Trash Talk TV and I'm as usual with Ben Mandelker, the lovely chap from B-Side Blog in the Bander Blender. Hello, Ben. Oh, hi Ronnie. Hey, so today we have a very special guest, Miss Heather McDonald. Comedian and actress Heather McDonald. Hell yeah, I know, I know you from Chelsea lately, of course, and you're hilarious. Well, thank you. Thank you so much for being here. Hey, Heather. Hello, I am a housewife expert. I have been watching housewives since the very first season of the OC and right now this week in the morning, they've been replaying the very first episodes when everyone was an awful sky baby doll tops and flare scenes and were like all front the dumps and didn't fight with each other. And you just had like sad depressing lives that they would follow. Like, yeah, they would go and like play tennis and then like afterwards instead of getting mad at each other about the tennis, they would just like sit and just talk about things just like pleasantly tennis. Yeah, it's like, hey, let's go get a look at some of it. It's scary. Yeah, I remember my first the first scene I ever saw of Orange County was on a marathon day and I was sweeping, which never happens and Vicki was on and she was like, oh, everyone in Orange County gets their car. That's what we do here. We go and we wash our cars. You can't have a dirty car. How much? That's hilarious. Oh my God. I know all those like all those like stucco little like shopping center squares where they go get like capis and like a normal folder like that. I love it. Like yeah, it's always excited at every restaurant's called something like olives or something like that, you know. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that first reunion. They just all sat around on bar stools from someone's garden and they were like, oh my God. That scene. Remember that time when we played tennis and then had a normal Arnold prom and then Jean would be like, yeah, that was fun. Those were the days. There was like, there was like some sad was like there that one Tammy like that the dark hairdo had like the two like loser daughters and then her husband died, but they were like, almost. Like making their daughters be like slight porn stars selling the water. Yes. Oh God. The memories. Oh God. That angel water storyline lasted way longer than I ever thought it would because it was like the OC angel. Oh my God. It was like that. Oh my God. It's so amazing. I know. Well, there was also one reunion that took place like in a living room like they were sitting on like a couch is like a love seat and like an armchair. It was just like. It was the basis. I was seeing it and it's like so dated that like Slade was working on a palm pilot with Joe. Like that's how long ago it was. I'm like, did you talk about a palm pilot and a pen? Like, what is that? It was so dated. Oh my God. Period. Okay. Back when Slade did that sort of thing. Now he's like, Hey, I'm auditioning for a T&T show. Thank you. Yeah. Exactly. He said. Yeah. He said, okay for himself, it's Joe who I'm worried about. Like Joe who like was all excited to leave and go to L.A. and become a music star. I think she's like running a karaoke bar in Palmdale. Like it's pretty sad. I love the follow up of like fallen reality stars. Like that's if I wish that that should be my show of like, where are they now? Are they now, but not like, interesting people from the upper show, just like reality stars that like have to not being famous or rich anymore. You're just going to like the saddle ranch basically and they're all waiters there. That's basically the, the moral of the story. You know, Joe, Joe was a, Joe was a trailblazer because she was the one who, who started, who introduced this notion that if you're a real housewife of anywhere that you could then become a recording artist, because if we didn't have her, I mean, we may not have Kim or Luann or even Daniel. You're right. She's a rose of parks of re of housewives who think they can sing. And she's probably literally sitting on a bus right now. So a pioneer, literally a pioneer, absolutely. Yes. So before we get into real housewives of New York, I want to plug you. What is your Twitter handle? I didn't ask you. Are you a tweeter? I am an absolute tweeter. I'm, you know, I've been giving good tweets for many years. I'm at Heather McDonald, and that's also my Instagram. And my Facebook is, um, Heather McDonald comedy. Okay. And you're MC, not M A C, correct? That's right. I'm like the hamburgers. I thought you were saying like the hammer, but that's fine too. Um, you guys, before we start rambling and I forget this stuff, please go watch Heather McDonald live. She's hysterical. If you've never seen her treat yourself, guys. Her most of beach comedy magic club. She'll be there June 18th. The LA improv. She'll be there, um, on July 16th and for good old gay pride in Seattle. Partly live June 19th and 20th. Yeah. You do get. Oh, and the San Diego. San Diego. Good. San Diego. Come see me June 11th through the 13th at the American County Club, which is right in that gas lamp district where it's all the bars and everything. It's a fun area where the club is. Oh, no. Basically, basically if you're gay and on the West Coast in the next three or four weeks, you have no excuse not to see Heather. You have no excuse. It's somewhere. It's somewhere. Literally no excuse. Like it's really like it's top of the top of the line priority right now. So let us get into real housewives of New York because I would love your opinion on everything that's been going on this season. Everything. Yeah. Well, first of all, okay, I want to just generally go for it. Okay. In general, in general, great that Bethany is back. Great to see her talk a mile a minute. I do find New York there's being a special fund is about them talking about in their accents. Like I do like that aspect of that versus other franchises. The fact that she is having a meeting with her former stepdad. If you have no idea what she does for a living that he would come on camera. And she just basically, she basically said that he is a wife beater. Yeah. And now this poor like 75-year-old man is basically meeting her for us, getting girl mojito. Yeah. And he's going to be like ambushed. And I mean, it's amazing that she just, that anybody would want to like meet her on camera and not think that some shit's going to be pulled up. Like that's that is amazing that he would be here. I've never seen so much family trauma treated in such a blase way. I mean, she was like, well, you know, you know, I'm back in the days used to beat mom and, you know, she tried to commit suicide in front of me. And then like, she started snorting cocaine and then you beat her and then dragged down the hallway. But you know, we all make mistakes. I was like, what? I know. And my friend was like, no, I think she means your other dad beat the mom. I'm like, no, I watched it. And she's saying this dad thought physical too. But he was better than the first dad. She had a weird way of looking at it because it wasn't like you beat my mother. She wasn't like, you beat my mother and then blah, blah, blah. She was like, you did it. You beat my mother in front of me. Like there was kind of like an element of like, I don't need to do that. Like I think she literally said, I don't need to see that five times. Like Lisa could row in the comeback. She was like, I don't see that. Oh my God. I don't need to see that. But yeah, that's funny. The other thing I find about the whole house types of things, which I think is very difficult, is that everybody always accuses each other of saying, it's not about you. Like when they're trying to tell like their horrible story into them, like, oh my God, I can be late. I lost a dog or I lost a -- you don't want to watch a dog about you. And what people don't understand is that when someone is -- it's called empathy. They're trying to say, I can empathize because I went through something like that. They're not necessarily saying, I want to draw attention back to myself. But when you cast seven narcissists, they're always going to accuse each other of that. And so it's like, it's amazing to me. Because I'm like, oh my God, I'd be so nervous to ever use the pronoun "I" around these people and not be accused of being like a self-centered bitch. Exactly. And that's actually to get back to what you were just saying about Bethany. In a weird way, it was slightly refreshing to hear how she was like, well, you know, whatever happened in the past, maybe who I am, because I'm pretty much in every other real housewife. The moment, like, you know, they're like, well, one time you didn't, like, put butter out on the table. And like, I've been traumatized for that. And, you know, it's like they will take anything that their parents or anyone has done to wrong them. And they will take three seasons worth of drama out of it. My favorite example of that is Lisa Rinna on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when she was fighting with drunk Kim Richards. And Kim Richards started crying and using all this stuff. And so Lisa Rinna started, like, soap opera crying. And then they were like, what's wrong? And she's like, this is a real issue. My dad used to shush me. I was like, come on. That's a real issue. Or how about on Real Housewives. That's really funny. Or how about remember on Real Housewives of Miami when they were talking about something about, like, the trials and tribulations of coming to America. And then that girl Lisa was like, well, I'm an immigrant from Canada. You know. Oh, yeah. The immigrant. That's funny. She's like, do you know how many? Oh, that's really funny. It's lost in Canada. I took a raft over here. Admittedly, it was a tourist raft. And we were by Niagara Falls. But still it was a raft. So let's start at the beginning of this episode. My first thought at the beginning because they showed the scenes from last week. And they were showing like Durrenda's. Like her big old guy. And then I think they showed something about Mario. And then I was reading an episode that they are reading about an episode they were showing earlier. All about Harry, which was about that. Gross. Harry. And I just thought it's every, but it's every guy in New York. Gross. Yeah. Yes. I saw I saw Harry at a restaurant when I was there. And he is gross. And there is that element where you get away with it in New York being gross like that. Because the accident is like kind of attractive. And if you have money, you can be fat like Tony Soprano. Like, you know, something about that kind of like this kind of stomach that's not like that's hard fat. Right. That's like, but in a nice suit, you get away with more on the East Coast. That a hard fat here or a not hard fat. Like, it's a small be fat. Like, it's definitely like something where it's like he's a New Yorker. So it's like, okay, it's like, hey, you know, like, you know, there's something about it. Forget about it. Like, let me pay for you drinking. Like, you know, we've got a lot of cash and something like that. And you smoke a cigar and it's like sexy in New York. Right. It would be really gross here. It's like. Rent is so much higher in New York. You know, it's like, he has a job. You know, he's like, I'm fat, but I work. I work for him in Manhattan. And like, it's shocking that he's even allowed on the show. You know, you see that with the shade that Ramona was giving him about. Like, she's like, well, I don't know. I don't know if he's good for Ramona, for, for, for Durinda. I mean, he doesn't even live in Manhattan. I mean, it's just a different value set. Like, he's probably just like over the bridge. So smoothie. Yeah, and the Berkshire's back in the Berkshire. But you know what? With Durinda, it's like when I first saw him, like, she, she looks very old to me. Like, she's old and not that attractive, but she's got like a rock and body. I'm like, oh, she's kind of like a butt-of-face a little bit. Like, there's like, because also her voice sounds like an older woman. She sounds like. You're like a little bitch. She's like, I don't know if she's like 42 or like 56. Like, it's, it's weird. I don't get it. She's like that, um, that old episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was dating the girl. And he couldn't tell if she was hot or not. Cause like, in certain lighting, she was like hot in certain lighting. She was like, not hot. And so it's more like, not like, Durinda's like hot or not. But it's like in some, some angles, she actually looks very young to me. And then some angles. I'm like, oh, she is like way over 50. And it's the magic exfoliation day for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And then, um, and then her with her daughter and the daughter with the red lips and the dark guy brows, I feel like if they lost their fortune, they could totally be great gardens. Like they are that mother, daughter, weirdo duo. That all every scene is just, they never leave the apartment. And they're just like talking about how much they're spending and the girl just being like, but I'm your daughter. So I'm just going to be a loser. And so on this Catholic, that's the other thing I have. I have a problem with the adult losers on Real House by franchise. Like I don't care about your 20 year old loser's child. I don't. Like please, let's not get into that. That's not interesting to me. Like I like when they're divorced and the dad says that the kids can't be on it. I think that makes a better show. Like personally, who cares? Well, it's sad enough when actual movie stars children are taking the spotlight. But like these kids, your parents aren't even real famous. They're just like house wise famous. That doesn't count that fame. You don't inherit. You know what I mean? They're barely holding on as they because also met. I mean, how awful would it be if we actually had to sit through scenes of Tamara Barney trying to pretend like she's a great mom. She doesn't even have that option right now. So it's great because it would just be the most frustrating thing in the world. Wow, he is a good mom. Before I fuck your dad and the bathtub on national TV, come on. Well, it's not a question of whether or not she is in real life. But it's more like, you know, Tamara is like, so she can be so crazy on the show that I kind of like her craziness to be just pure craziness. And I don't want to. It's funny because like that's like brandy. That's what brandy always says. It's like, I wish my husband let the kids be on the show because I want people to see that outside of me that I am a really good caring moment. I'm like, yeah, but they're editing it down. They're never going to show you being a good mom. And he's doing you a gift by not having them on there. You know what I mean? It's like they would get the one time that you distracted or, you know, don't make a great meal or burn something or like, you know, kid being a brat to you. Like, like, I'll never forget like vintage OC House Live. When Jeanie Keenig or whatever goes to her son's baseball game, he's like doing like miniature vinyl league or whatever. And he just is so rude. He's like, I'm going to hit you across the head with a baseball bat. I mean, it was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. And I was like, Oh my God. Just don't let me ever go up to be like Jeanie Keenig or whatever. Last thing. It's like that is so disturbing. That's going to be in evidence one day for some horrible crime. Yeah. And so where is he and where is the OC Angels? You know what I mean? Well, he's actually not having your kids in it. It's okay. Yeah. He's in LA trying to be an actor. Yeah. Well, he's good looking. Her kids were all really good looking. They all were. Yeah, they were. They were. Yeah. Were you going to say they're on that, uh, that reunion or whatever that they had? Hundred episodes of like. Oh, yeah. Um, yeah. They'll look good. Okay. Go back to the New York. Okay. So go back to New York. So we're getting off track. Yeah, we do that all the time. Don't worry. Okay. So well, so it opened. It was a Ramona's junior league party or whatever. Is there is a birthday party? Her birthday luncheon. Yeah. She's like, listen, Bethany, I don't want to talk. First of all, I have some amazing. I have some amazing juice for you. Okay. Last summer. I did a show at the, at the theater in the Hampton's. And I stayed in Jill's errands house on the water. And she took me to the one for center party. And some of those women that I met were at Ramona's party. Like the one that looked like Liza and Manelli that they were like kind of. Yes. Yes. Wasn't she the one that got it. And Bethany said that they all looked like they were from the Star Wars bar. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And that lady is actually friends with Liza Manelli. She was like, he's a wedding. They're like best friends. So, um, so yeah, I met some of those ladies. And it really is like a make like that kind of wealth. I didn't, whenever they would talk about the one percenters, like during the election, I didn't know what they're talking about until I went to the Hampton's and actually saw it. And was like, okay. Now I get it. Like that kind of money. And, um, I think Ramona looks amazing for 50 days or whatever she is. Yes. I mean, she really does look the most naturally fit, good looking like I keep going. Oh my God. If I could even look like that four years from now. Like she looks great. So that's good. This is one of the workshops and stuff. Yeah. And you know what I always say. Your body is really good. Yeah. What I always say about New York is that this more so than any other real housewives, these are definitely like the best dressed, like most stylish women of the entire, you know, real housewives world. They all look great for the most part. Um, yes. Yeah, they look good. I think Derinda maybe just looks a little bit older because she doesn't have the housewife disease yet. Where she's getting something done every day. Like just overdoing it, you know? Totally. She'll be a completely a person. It's like when you're rewatching OC and you see how completely different. Uh, Vicki looks. Yeah. I know that's crazy. She's changed her DNA. She's found someone in orange. She's going to turn into like one of those like major Jurassic Park. Mixtures of like all the different things. What has been, it has been like 10 years since it started. No, not 10, but it's been like a solid eight since it started. So, you know, it's like the, it's like Obama. You aged and those are hard years, mid 30s and mid 50s. Those are hard years. That's when you're in the presidency. That's what, you know, those are the high school years. Like my God, sometimes I go to my daughter's high school and I'm like, who are all these old people? And I'm like, oh, they're parents of high school kids. Like all of a sudden just shit goes down the drain. So, thank God for like Botox and Spanx and braces. Because, and like caps teeth because that's the only thing that's keeping some people going. What are caps teeth? Is that a thing? Capped, you know, caps teeth like them, you know, like the new recipe. I thought you said, no, like the years. I was like, oh, okay. No, no. You know, teeth are really, teeth are the best investment, I think. Oh, yeah. And they're not even plastic surgery, but like once you get your teeth done, it's just amazing. Because it's like, that says everything. If you have shitty teeth, it's like, that says you didn't have money for braces when you were little. That just says a whole lot, you know. Yeah. So go get your teeth bleached and straighten out. Yeah, that is actually super important. And we try to pretend we're so, so evolved. But basically we're just still trying to buy horses. You know, it's like the first thing you look at when you meet somebody or date somebody, you check their teeth. Yeah, totally. Let me see your gum line because I'm not dealing with your dental surgeries for the next decade. Okay, buddy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And that's why if I ever play like a crackhead or something, I'm going to ask that they fuck up my teeth because I've never forget Halle Berry played a crackhead trying to get her. Her black son from a white woman in some like movie, like, chasing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I just saw Charlize Theron in Mad Max and they gave her bad teeth. And I'm like, good. Good. Because it's the end of the world. There's not going to be dentists around. So like make it realistic. She knows how to ugly it up. I mean, I still remember monsters. She knows she knows how to do it. The greatest. Yeah. She's good. She's good like that. She knows. She's like, look, I'll do my jador commercial in a minute. She's like, I'm a little caught, but I'm a real actress. She was shitty. Yeah, exactly. Put me in the post apocalyptic desert. Let's get this done. Speaking of post apocalyptic deserts. So Ramona's luncheon. Yeah. By the way, I was really amused because, you know. You want to sell off like everyone's such a fucking bitch. It's like, you know what, when we have luncheons for my mommy friends, everyone has to put down $100 in paper. The girl Ramona is paying for it. Can you just go and have a salad and not be such a cunt? Yeah. Like, make like a bitchy remark. It's like, I'm sorry, but don't come. Yeah. Sorry that you didn't like like the salad or that there were too many people that had fillers. Like, you're all guilty of it. Like, you know, including Bethany. It's like, oh, shut up. Oh, Beth. Yeah. She's like, what's this hate mama? Yeah. She walks that line because she walks right in just complaining about everything and calling everybody ugly. She's like, I don't fit in. I don't fit in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody. I'm kind of sick of that shit. Like, there's a new show on Broadway, Bravo, a scripted show called Odd Man Out. And, like, the commercials are like, yeah, bro, I'm kind of sick of, like, making fun of super rich Upper West Side people. Like, so what? So what? Yes. Yeah. You know what? They fucking married better than you. They did. Okay. So they have two nannies in a big house. Stop fucking bagging on them all the time. Yeah. They're not thinking about the luncheon. You are her. Yeah. And I also don't like the way Bethany sort of doesn't let a moment and breathe for just one second instead of being like, oh, hi. How are you? She's like, hi, well, who is this? I don't know who you are. It's like, it's like, Jesus, just, just say hi. Just say hi, like a normal person. But that being said, that being said, I also thought it was funny when they were bagging on Heather because, you know, Heather comes in and she's like, Hey, mama. Hey, mama. Yeah. And then Ramona's like, he's like, you know, you're not a black rapper. That's a cool dude, which is like the most like white woman mom version of like trying to describe that, you know. You're just a girl from the Berkshires. Oh, yeah. She's still. Oh my God. At first. Still horrifying. Well, the Berkshires are in the block. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was never about the house. Oh my God. Just like what she was telling because Bethany, of course, is like, oh, everyone's ugly. What a horrible birthday. I hope you die. Oh, how do you feel about Mario leaving? And Ramona's like, yeah. Today's about my rejuvenation. You know, I don't care about Mario. It's all about me. Today's about me. Let's celebrate me. Yeah, me. Go me. Go me. It's my birthday. It's like cheering. And then she's saying she doesn't want to talk about Mario, but then the first thing she does, she's like, clink, clink, clink. Okay, everybody. It's been a hard, hard year. You know, about Mario. Yeah. That's classic Ramona, though. Love it. It's amazing. And then, and then the best is, um, what was I just going to say? We were trying to go and think about everything. Keep going. We have to talk about, we have to talk about the fact that there was a swami priestess there. Oh, well, oh, that's Sonia. Okay. So Sonia, I tweeted yesterday. That should be done Monday. I'm so happy that Sonia is seeing a psychopharmaceutical, whatever it was. That was amazing. The psychopharmacist, she favored it. She didn't even get the sarcasm. That's what I'm that she is. I was like, oh, my God. I love all the interns. I love that she just keeps thinking she's the biggest person in the world. And you know what? I really want to know how the fuck did this lawsuit go down? Like, I was, I was seriously like, that's like on my to do list is to Google that lawsuit and like read through the deposition because I don't understand she said she was going to produce a movie and she has to literally pay seven million dollars. I think that is so rare that several would ever win like that. Yeah. No, I'm sorry. I think she said she was going to produce it and then she got left basically so she didn't have the money anymore to produce it. So she tried backing out of it and couldn't. So it was part of the whole getting divorced thing. Right. And then John Gervolta was somehow right. Wasn't he? Wasn't there some issue with John Gervolta in all this? Yeah. Somehow. I don't know. Yeah. No. All I know is that now she's letting her abundance candles and she's seeing a Swami priestess. Listen, if and ever comes up to you and says, you need help. You need to talk to somebody. And your answer is I am talking to somebody. I'm seeing a pharma call suited to John. That's the best answer I've ever heard. And I'm going to learn that word in you. Yeah. Oh my God. Later in the episode, her only scene was like the, it was like that little, what, what, that tiny short scene where she was working out in her bathroom. And she's like, she had like a Persian rug in the bathroom and she's working out. The interns were there and things were being delivered. And it was just like, again, one of those, you know, gray gardens moments where like this woman who allegedly has this money as this big apartment, she's working on her bathroom. Like nothing ever makes any sense with Sonya. Do you imagine though, if you're a kid, like you're paying for like, you know, NYU film school, like 50,000 a year as a parent and your daughter is like, I got an internship. Oh, you did it too. So in your Morgan said, I just really want to be a background extra at a reality show. Yeah. And I'm going to work. That's my internship. Like I'd be like, tell to the now, what are you doing? Well, it helps. There's like five of them at this point. She's basically just going to preschools now. That one they showed yesterday couldn't have been more than 10 years ago. Oh, my God. Yeah. What do you think about Caroline's Caroline's guy? Oh, well, you know, I mean, I support it. I think it's, I think, hey, like he's hot. He's available. He's into her. So why not? Like Luanne has to get over it a little bit. It's not even his age. Well, you know, this is like Carol. It was like, wow, I didn't know I'd have this great of a body at 50. And if I did, you know, we're just having fun. And then, but then the conversation about him making honey in Nepal or wherever he was. I was like, how do you call themselves the best-selling novelist? And then this is how you connect is like that, like honey in on like some plantation. Yeah. I know. I love that it took her four years to write. It takes her four years to write a book. I'm like, God, you're so lucky. It's been like left you so much money. Like, are you kidding me that you could just survive in that apartment? We've always, I mean, we've always, we've all dated that guy, right? Like that hippie guy who's really into you. Right. And he's like really good at sex. And he's just really chill. Usually it's because he's high. Yeah. He's really living towards everybody because he's a fucking hippie. And he's probably fucking half those writers or be cultivators in Nicaragua. So it's not even the age thing. It's mostly just like, you know that you're just with some smelly hippie who's probably going to fuck anything, right? Like, he doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. You know what the other thing is? Like, I have boys who are 12 and 9. And I would be so disturbed if they were dating a woman 20 years older. I really would be. I think it really can like fuck you up. Just like a would a young girl dating like a rich guy. Right. And what happens is, you know, but it's worse for the girl because then like at 30 she's, you know, 32 she's just been a kept mistress for a bunch of years. And now she's doing education or not, you know, no job. A guy can just, you know, doesn't care. But it's the same thing. He's just like seeking out someone older because it's easy. She doesn't want to have his baby. She's not trying to drive him to a wedding on Saturday. Right. You know, it's like, it's, and you know, she looks good. I mean, she carol looks good. She's got a good body. Her work is good. And you know why I think you like her, her work the best teeth teeth. Yeah. That's right. I like the teeth. There's like a couple spots in her face that I want to take a needle and just fill it. Like there's like a couple weird creases like that weren't completely full or it's fallen or something. But it's pretty good. It's pretty well maintained and her body's good. You know, I guess what's funny, what's funny about you, what about you saying that like, because, you know, when you say it about like, I would be disturbed by just the way I would a younger girl dating like a much older guy. And so when you say that, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's like totally true. I guess I guess the reason why I was like so pro it is more like, like, you always see all these older guys prancing around with younger girls. So it's like, well, why not let that let the older woman prance around with the younger guy. But I see what you're saying from the other point of view from the, from. Like as a mother of a boy of a boy, it's like, you don't want him to be taken care of by a woman that's like five years, your junior for five years. Like you want him to like get a job and be on his own. And, and the thing is, is that then a girl that's age appropriate that you have kids with is going to be more work than this, like woman that's rich and they could just move in the house. And so it's like, it's the same type of thing of a woman. Like if you had a young daughter that was dating like a 50 year old man, you're like, well, I'm glad that you have a nice house. But if you marry him in 10 years, he's going to be 60 and you're only going to be 35 and you're going to be really miserable. Like a 30 year old is a 50 year old is a good match. They're still down to fuck. They like the party, but like 10 years into it. It's a completely different story. Those are the hard years, you know, where it's like no six year olds at the club. Yeah, people say that there's a double standard. And, you know, men do it all the time. So why not a woman? But right that people still are judgmental when men do it too. They're just like, Oh, nice daughter. You know, I don't think it's fairly more accepted. I think it's kind of. Yeah, but I don't think it's age like you start seeing what happens to your body. I mean, look, I don't I'm nearing 40 and I don't necessarily want to be naked around people my own age, much less someone 20. Oh, my God, I'm horrified at the opinion of a 20 year old of what's going on over here. Like the spelling, the stretch marks, you know, like the words that my stretch marks can spell like 20 year olds don't need to see that. And I would be horrified to show that to a 20 year old person. Well, I think that like I feel like I feel like I feel like an older guy with like a younger woman is the people definitely passed judgment on on those situations, but I don't feel like those guys are necessarily as vilified. Perhaps as sometimes a woman who has a younger guy, you know, like clearly with a young woman's like, well, all there he is with a younger, younger or so and so and then everyone sort of like moves on, you know. So I think that's what I. Yeah, my husband and I are five years apart and and I feel like, like he's aging like a normal person, but I thank God know what to do and I'm like saying the same. So like now I'm more like a trophy wife like now we look more like we're like 12 years apart, which is amazing. And and then he'll have friends that have like a tool like there's this one guy is 48 is girlfriend's like 24. And but I don't want to be that bitchy old first wife. It's like mean to the new girlfriend like I want people go by a table and go look at those two gold diggers and think that I'm like her friend like I don't want them to think. Oh, look at that couple with their daughter, you know, like I want them to think I'm on the same part of the 26 year old I'm like down for it. But when you go out to dinner with someone who's never tasted sea bass and is 25 years old, that's a little depressing. I once went on a day with a guy about two years ago, I think it was I went on a date with a guy who was probably bad like I think like 10 years younger than me or so. And he like he didn't know what dates were like the actual fruit and remember thinking myself, what am I doing? Why am I am I on the state purely because he's a good looking guy like somebody has to change here. Yeah, that's so funny. I'm trying to read my notes about what happened next. I guess the next thing that happens is Bethany's failure her whole failure thing with her therapist where she's like, listen, I just need to talk because fail talk show fail this fail that I'm just. I'm just I'm homeless, I'm homeless. The homeless step is getting so annoying the homeless thing. It's like so annoying. It's like tradition. So you have a hundred million dollars, you know, and I learned it, but. I feel like I mean, I feel like that was just a situation where she, you know, knew she had a few eggs left and he was the first person that came into crack one like right at the right time. And that was it, you know, like it could have been somebody else. It was literally like. It's almost spring. Yeah, and and she had her doubts and thought, you know, and thought that she could be with a guy that was, you know, could have beneath her. And she couldn't like she tried and then she got grossed out and it's like it turned her off. And so then she became difficult and he was like, well, fuck you, I'm not the one who changed. You know, you knew who I was when I married. Over there was an episode in her show that his jeans were like mom jeans and stuff like in a shape like dress them and, you know, like there was a lot of that. And it's like, you know, sometimes it just happens, you know, it's like it's same thing with like the fader at Apollo. She got her two babies. And then she's like the by setting out to the pasture, you know, like, you know, you are a loser. Thank you for the sperm. But they can't deal with your looserness anymore. I think she needs more of a webcam than a therapist because she's not really listening anyway. She just needs to be one of those like vlogger girls on YouTube, you know. Yeah. So she's the guy who raised her, but we can get to that, I guess, when we get to her, all of her stuff. All the ladies get together for some kind of boxing, boxing, stupid, whatever. Well, I thought it was actually pretty funny when the boxers sweat got all over Kristen. I mean, this poor, I mean, I would be horrified also if boxers went on my bare legs. But I also feel bad for Kristen that, like, she has become so irrelevant on the show that her big point is that she got sweated on. She like, like, I'm happy that her daughter can walk, but at least that was her storyline last year. Yeah, like, that's her daughter had a difficult walking. Yeah, like, now he's not being a dick and the kid is walking and it's like, Oh, geez, girl, you're, you've got one more. Better get that blog running because no one going to be a birther. Oh, yeah. All she's done is been sweated on and then she had that thing where she had to put Saran wrap on dinner. That was like, those are those are her mates. Yeah. I didn't know I like Kristen. I actually like her so much, but she's doing nothing. Yeah, I mean, she's beautiful. She's like, beautiful to look at, but it's like you watch it. And it must be so stressful because they're like, who, okay, I go to catch up for you. Please, someone flip their hair and make face. Please, somebody pissed me off so I can have a story like, please, someone be rude. Oh, good. That's when you didn't invite me. Okay, let me make a big thing out of this. It's like, who cares? I'm honestly not. I was like, yeah, who cares? It's like shit. I didn't even get to like that fight. Heather fought that fight for her. And she like, it's just her daughter down. No, I don't think I was walking anymore. Can we have the therapist come back in the cameras? Oh, my God. She's totally like the misery. Yeah. I mean, there's so many of them. There's like, are there nine of them this year? There are eight of them, which is pretty shocking. I don't think there's ever been a cast that's been that big because they don't, they obviously, they don't have the space for it for an eighth person. And as you can see, Kristen's getting the short shrift out of it. Yeah, definitely. Well, then they went to dinner and this is where Luan got countissi with Carol and said that Carol's voice is like, well, you know, I mean, he's young, he's young. I mean, he's so young. Yeah. And then Carol got upset at being compared to Sonya. Now, now, regardless of everything we just talked about, about the age difference or whatever, Carol did bring up a good point, which is that if there's anyone who sort of shouldn't. Talking about this, it's Luan because isn't Luan's whole thing is that she's like always out with young guys, like, John, like, you know, Johnny Depp, pirate guy in the, in the islands, you know. Yeah, but I think, I think always her men were always like in their thirties. I think when you're 50 and you're dating some of their twenties, that is like, that is straight up on your mother. Like that's like, I think it's fine to do like 10 or 15 years, but like when you get into like 22. I think it's, you know, it's like when Adrian Malef was dating. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that guy wouldn't shoot dating the, like, Rod Stewart son or something, right? Oh, God. No, I think she hated the Bush air. She hated the Bush air and they were literally like 23 years apart. Is this for 25 or 28? I think about it at 28 years apart. Yeah, it was something crazy is definitely showing up with the new models. Young dang girl. Yeah, imagine being 20 year old, 20 years old and being with Adrian Malef and that's what your idea for women is. Come on kid, we're going. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah, but if I go by her body and everything, her body and everything is so good. Mm hmm. It's like, I'm better than the fact that I'm like a 20 year old. So I don't know. You know, it's like what straight people are gay guys. You know, like straight people think gay guys like how could a guy want to like second other guys dick but like the truth is with the gay guys were like, I don't understand how gay guys. I'm a straight guys operate half the time. I'm like, you know, it's something's working for them. I don't know. Yeah. Well, Carol, Carol, I'm calling her Carolyn now. Carol got all upset about this thing and I thought it was so funny watching the, I love that the count is never back down is just goes full on bitch. Yeah, she's talking. Yeah, I love that she's so committed to that. Yeah. Totally. Well, she can say about that. I don't think that Luann's really as mad about it being her niece's son as she is about the help and being the help. Because her complaint seems to be like, Oh my God, you it's like having sex with my dishwasher and that thing is supposed to wash my dishes and now it's covered in you. You know, Carol used one of her appliances. Yeah, totally. It's like clean the hummus out of him before you bring him back, darling. What else happened here? I think Carol was handling her pretty well for the most part. Oh, then I switched to pin. You know, shit's getting serious in this episode when I'm like, this pencil's going down. I need to pin now. Yeah. Okay, so now we get to the Bethany. Yeah, the Bethany with her dad or ex-dad or stepdad or whatever. Right. And by the way, did you guys notice that? Well, it's like so confusing. Like one dad, one dad trained the, like one dad was a jockey and the other dad just did on the horses or one. I think they both were in the horse training world. When she said the racetrack families, I was like, whoa, that explains so much because that's a crazy world. The racetrack world is, I grew up next to a racetrack. It really is. So, Texas. And that is a crazy world. And it also explains why she talks like that because she talks like one of the announcers. Yeah, coming around the corner. And I'm about to. Why, why, why are you doing that? Why are you there? She's over there. Why are you there? I must think already. Yeah. Oh my God, that's hilarious. That is totally profound. Like, you're absolutely right. That's who raised her. Like her mom was drunk. Her dad was drunk. She got raised by the fucking announcer at the thing. Yeah. Time to go to school. Time to go to school. Okay, school season. Yeah, like there was, there was this, there was this one, one of the first episodes of this season is like, she sees Luanne after two years. And then making her skinny girl margaritas. And the questioning was like, so are you happy or no? But you're happy. You're good. You're good. So that's going to happen. See if you like this. I think you'll like it. It's a little bit spicy. You'll like it. But so, so what's going on with Ramona? That's a hard life. And that's a hard thing. Okay. But she's good. She's good. She's happy or no? She's not happy. Okay. And then what about what else is going on? I mean, you look good. Okay. Like literally, Luanne could not answer the question. And then she's like, and then she goes, Oh, I didn't enjoy doing my talk show because I felt like I had to always, I was a traffic cop. I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, that's not what, you know, are you saying that you'd be better just sitting out on a couch with someone for an hour? Because, no, the way they designed the show was right for you. Yeah, exactly. Like going from one thing to one thing, you know. Yeah, but yeah, she's like a, she's like a, like a Hollywood agent who hails from the Catskills. It's just like this very like that, that, that, that, that, that thing, you know, she can stop. Yeah, even with the waiter, she's controlling. Yeah. Hello. I know how to do this. I know how to order. You don't have to tell me. Okay, just shut up. Okay. Oh, I know that was so rude. She goes to wait a minute. So I look at the menu and then I order it and it comes. Yeah, I know how to start. I'm like, I'm like, you feel like the editing is weird because I always feel like they feature the waiters like way too much. Like, I'm like, get to it. Like, whenever they go to a restaurant, any of the housewives, it's always like, hi, um, we also have a special fish. Oh, that's right. Okay. Should we have the fish? You'll have two ice sweaters. Um, I'll bring that right up for you. I'm like, why are we featuring this waitress who's coming back from like, why would you even waste two seconds on this? Like, get to the juice. Like, it's weird. I was like, I always liked the waiters because it's sort of like establishes this illusion of civility that's going to happen. Like, they're in a polite, you know, establishment with food coming and then they become like maniacs. Yeah, they become crazy people and you're like, no, not from the waiter. I hate when waiters come over and they're like, have you been here before? If you say no, well, here's how we do things. Listen, you cook fucking food, right? Like in that case, I would be like, okay, tell off the waiter. But otherwise, like, he didn't even. It's always like, well, this is it. Yeah. Um, what is the traffic style and yeah. It's like, you may have been doing too. Well, you know, um, so, by the way, did you notice? Did you notice that, like, so when Bethany finally meets with her stepdad, the first thing he did is like, he's like, Hey, Beth, I was like, Oh, don't call her Beth. Don't call her Beth. Heather made that mistake. And now this is why everything went wrong. He stopped calling her Bethany. Call her Beth. Um, I got a friend that Bethany went to lunch with. This is, I get this thing because she went to friend. She went to lunch with her friend first to talk about all of this before she met. Right. The friend is wearing like this huge wig and these huge sunglasses. Yeah, what was that wig? I wanted to say, is a friend wearing a wig? I thought that was right. She looked like she was camouflaging herself like she was about to get called out by John Stossell or some shit. Yeah, she looked literally like Gina. She got into a junior Kio outfit and she was like hiding from the mob and she knew the mob was coming because the dad was on his way. She had like a voice. I don't want to say anything because I mean, what I want to see. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe she, maybe she has cancer or something. So, you know, on a white, when a black woman wears a wig, it's like a fun fashion choice. But when a white woman wears a wig, it's either they have cancer or they need to be 5150. You know what I mean? Yeah, she was hiding from the race. She's like, I still owe the racetrack people money. I've absolutely shocked. I was I was very surprised to find out that Bethany had a friend that she actually had like a real girlfriend. Same way. They both talked the same way, which I thought was perfect for each other. I mean, those two are perfect. Yeah. Perfect little side kiss like, yeah, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you get to? I texted you. Hold it. Sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm talking with like, all right. Sorry, but it's just too little. He texted me and asked if I wanted subway, but he didn't bring it. I texted you back. I did. All right, whatever. Your husband. I love that. I need a husband to get me subway. I live right by one in it. So hard to walk down there. Last time I went, last time I went just subway, a.k. last week. There was like sticky stuff on the door and it got all over my hands. That's really good stuff by the whole experience. Well, in the customer's defense, they don't give you napkins. They give you two napkins with your sandwich and that's it. There's no napkins anywhere in the store. And I live by the Fairfax and Santa Monica subway and there needs to be napkins. Okay. There needs to be a shower. I started it. I feel like everybody. I feel like every fast food place is very cheap with napkins and the plastic knives. Yes. Yes. Like you always have to ask for a knife. Anyway, so I think I have to go now because it's almost one o'clock. Okay, do it. We should finish up. I think we got the most of them. You know, we have like this to mean everything so I know. Yes. Absolutely. And thank you so much for being here. You guys catch Heather McDonald on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, all those good stuff and go see your shows. We'll put your dates up when we put this podcast out. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B. But with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com/results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be to be. Etsy knows these aren't the sounds of holiday gifting. Oh, or, okay. Thank you. Well, they're not the sounds you're hoping for. You want squeals of delight like this. Ooh. And spontaneously written songs of joy. I am so happy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. To get those, make everyone on your list feel heard with gifts like personalized jewelry, custom artwork, vintage pieces and home decor for original gifts that say I get you. Etsy has it. Okay, great. Thanks. Thanks so much for being on. It was great talking to you. Yeah, and let me and then let me know if you want to come to any of the shows. I'll put you guys down. Oh, hell yeah, absolutely. You have an email now. Cool. That's awesome. We'll try to get the LA improv one for sure. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Great. Thank you. Thanks, lady. Good talking to you. Thanks so much. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye. All right, Ben. So let's just go ahead and carry on with New York, shall we? All right. Okay, so she's having this lunch. That was really cool talking to it. I know. She's so funny. I just kind of was like, I was just like, basically sitting here. I was like, I'm going to let her do all the heavy lifting this week because I'm just. I'm like, and on top of that, for some reason, every time I was like making a joke on like every time I said something, like my timing was just off because she was so funny that I'd be like, Oh, yeah, I have a joke here. And I'd say something and then it would just be silence. I was like, you know, I'm just going to let Heather do her thing. This is not this is not my realm. This is not my. No, no, no, I'm sorry. I kept moving my head away from the microphone to laugh because I'm the worst, as you know, with over talking. So I'm trying to get better at it. I'd be like, Hey, this like she sounds like an agent from the Catskills and be like. And then you're like some like some like obligatory chocolates from both of you guys. I was like, Okay, all right. I was like, you know, I'm just gonna sit back here. No, no, no, I'm not saying it. I'm not saying it in a way to make everyone feel bad. I'm saying like, she was so funny that I'm like, you know, why am I even like trying to be funny right now? I'm just gonna let Heather do her thing, you know, and let you do your thing because you guys, you guys are like the really funny ones. I chime with my funny stuff. You're in there, but that's not true. You're so funny on this thing. But anyway, Ronnie, how awful. She's hilarious and she's actually perfect for us because she can she talks like us. She talks. She says whatever she wants when she wants. And so it's not I don't feel bad about over talking because she'll over talk when she needs to. She was great. And she also gave also good. Like what I liked also about having Heather on is that and about any guest is that we get some slightly, you know, we get some different perspectives on things, you know, which is always good because if anyone listened to our bonus episode this week, we do definitely need some help by from the ladies. You got some comments from people. They were like, you guys sound like two middle school boys who I'm like, I know it went off the rails. This is what we got. This is why we need our listeners. We need our listeners to correct us. I was like female circumcision is when you do this and this and people like, that's that I've never heard of somebody trying to zone up. That's it. That's it. That's a clitoris or something. Maybe that's what it was. But that's what I seem to remember them saying on A&TM. And the lesson learned is never take lessons from A&TM. Exactly. So anyway, anyway. The lesson is that A&TM has no lessons. Yes. So for anyone who was offended by our lack of awareness on a bonus episode, I'm sorry, but let's get back to the real housewives of New York. Okay. Also, this is actually a perfect time for us to be left alone because it's so hard to talk about this without sounding like a total dick to somebody that doesn't know us already. But because her problems, like Bethany is issues now that we've actually heard them all. I mean, we've heard that she's had them, but I didn't know all the specifics of it. I felt bad. I mean, of course, by the end of the episode, I was like, shut the fuck up. But yeah, as much as we've actually been trashing Bethany this episode, I feel like overall compared to the beginning of the season, I feel like we're getting closer and closer to the old Bethany. So last week in Atlantic City, we had old Bethany, and I feel like even this week, I felt like the way she was talking to her dad was kind of like old Bethany, you know, where she was sort of putting it all out there. She was being kind of vulnerable. She was relatable. So I was actually like more or less pro Bethany in this whole experience. Well, when you say old Bethany, I've noticed that whenever she's old Bethany, it's when everybody around her is crazier than her. I mean, the situation is bigger, because otherwise she's the same person. It's just she needs to be the normal one. She needs to be she needs to be the one at our Basel who is not standing around naked and saying I'm Satan's messenger or the not she's not the clown being fed. She's the one feeding the clown. She needs to be the normal one. Yeah, that whole performance art thing. I'm sorry, but that's I hate that shit. Like a fat guy with bad makeup, standing there, binging in public is not really. I mean, that every Saturday night in this neighborhood and those people don't get to call themselves artists. They're just like trashy queens. And you know what, you know, it really offended me about all that was that they actually were charging people $3 to pay to feed to cram a chip which into that guy's mouth. I'm like you guys and it is like what the memory will last a lifetime. I'm like, no, you are such con artists charging people $3 like this. This is the emperor has no clothes right here. This is not our you guys just basically getting $3 worth. And by the way, I also cannot have been more jealous of that clown because I started a essentially a no carb diet on Tuesday and I am going out of my mind and to see someone being able to cram an entire chip which into their mouth was like my dream come true. I was like, no, I'm going to our basil. I'm getting my clown makeup right now. My God, I know I've been on a diet since February 2nd. I mean, seriously, what is it now? Like months later, my body is completely stopped losing. But I think it's because like once in a while, I just don't care because of medicine and I just eat a whole extra large pizza from big mamas, which I just recently did. So I guess that's why I'm not losing weight. So I've been on a half diet, I guess, in February. No more dieting. I'm only two and a half days in and I'm already like, I'm seeing babies on the ceiling. I'm jumping at toilets and swimming around. I am losing it. Yeah, I grew up with a weight problem. So I'm used to starvation. That's something that a lot of people don't understand is that heavier people actually really understand starvation because that's what we think a diet is. We're just like, I'll starve for five days and then I'll eat a huge pizza and I stuck to my diet. It's like, no, no, you didn't. But yeah, you need to eat. I can go days without eating. Well, I'm eating. I'm eating. I'm just still really hungry and I'm like unsatisfied, you know, like I've like I've been eating like chicken, like sad chickens, like type of salads, like chicken. Now we understand how Bethany feels. You see how you come from a place of knowledge. I'm having skinny girl salads. I'll tell you who's not feeling that way probably is Dorinda's John, who by the way, one thing I wanted to mention was that when Ramona was talking about why she doesn't like John, I thought I started laughing when she's like, you know what? At the end of the day, I'm sorry. I just find him to be crass. I'm sorry. He's crass. He's not actually said anything crass. He's just fat. I like showing up with like Russian hookers to the sex room of whatever old people, but they were at that. But that old lady sex club they were at. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's crass. Listen, you know what? Whoa. This is really weird. Okay. When I was a child, I'm sorry. My father had three fat friends. Okay. And they came over and they ate all the spaghetti. All right. So then I couldn't eat anything. Okay. It was like I was on a low carb diet. So to this day, anytime I see someone who's fat and who's eating spaghetti, I just assumed they're crass, like my father's friends. Okay. I'm sorry. That's it. Okay. I like that she's kind of trying to hint at Derinda that she doesn't like him. And Derinda's just not having any of it, like not listening to any of it. She's like, thanks for inviting me to work out. But I already worked out today. I had sex. Ramona's like, oh, that's not working out. Do one hand push up. And she's like, I climbed, I climbed a mountain of hard blubber today in flip flops. Didn't Ramona make some comments about like Derinda being crushed under John's weight? She said something like that. Okay. I'm sorry. You know, you look really good on your back. Is that because, you know, when you're on your back, you're very flat because John's been lying on you and flattening you like a pancake. Is that why? Hey, okay. My old friend Geraldine plus my friend. Those little Fred cutouts that my nieces are sending around to everybody. Okay. Envelope, a little crushed person, an envelope centered around the world. They can take pictures with crushed Derinda and say, look, here I am with flat Derinda. Okay. Well, this is weird. Okay. I remember as a child. Okay. I went over to Geraldine passing Smith's house. Okay. And we were watching Gumbie and Gumbie was walking around and car ran him over and all of a sudden Gumbie was really flat. And so he could walk through all these cracks and walls. And I was like, whoa, oh my God, seeing you like this Derinda reminds me of flat Gumbie with Geraldine Parsons in his house. Whoa, this is weird. I have to go. You're like a paper doll, a paper doll, a little paper doll. I want to just dress you up, dress you up. Whoa, you know what's weird? It's like, if you were a clock right now, you could be like a dolly because you're so flat. You could like melt over the side of something. Whoa. That's weird. Oh, my God, this whole episode killed me. I just love how she started the entire episode because the opening scene of Ramon in this episode is her walking into that restaurant for her birthday going. It's my birthday. Here I am. Happy birthday to me. It's a new year. Turtle time. She's like her own annoying staff at the restaurant. Like, you know how the staff comes out and sings at you. She's she'll do it. She's like, give me the cake. I'll do it. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Look all the tables are clapping. Just imagining her at Applebee is like the train of like six people can buy like happy birthday. Happy birthday. And they show up at the table like there's no one here and they look at the end of the train. There's Ramona. What? I like the trains. I'm sorry. I like that they made a happy birthday song. But instead of using happy birthday, they use the theme to La Cucoracha. Isn't that creative? You know what? I don't like when John sings happy birthday. I think it's crass. I don't think that people should sing happy birthday because it encourages them to eat cake. And I'm sorry. I don't I don't I don't approve of that. I find it to be crass. Don't tell John. It's my birthday. So why was Sonya using interns today? What was that even about? I just was a year old. All was. It was just like that. They call it pod buster, whatever the short scene that's in between commercials. It was just. It was just like a scene. It was a flavor. Like a glimpse into Sonya's life where she was doing three million things all in her bathroom in her cluttered ass bathroom. So I guess that's nothing to talk about. Um, racetrack family. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. We have something before this. Okay. Before we get serious. Carol calling her boyfriend. And him getting beat in be honey in Nicaragua was hilarious, but just that whole conversation. Like if anybody has any pod, you know, like, this is going to be great. Listen, I don't care about the age or whatever, but just listening to them talk on the phone. Like, what do they have to talk about? She's like, Hi, what are you doing? He's nice. Nothing. What are you doing? Nothing. I hate that. They have nothing to say to each other. Why am I watching this scene? Make it stop. I know. I know. It's both that thing. Like when you're in like, when you're like hanging out with someone who's hot and you like, you sort of like, sometimes you just mentally drop your bar because you like, you know, you don't connect in any sort of way, but you're attracted to them. So you just want to write it out for as long as possible. And when she said, you know, it's not that I need a man every round, every day, but I just missed the feeling of a man on top of me during just like, I feel the exact opposite. It's like rolling a whale back into the ocean. Okay. It's hard, but then once you've done it, you feel like you've done something good for the world. I'm meeting to saying blowhole. Okay. Okay. So now we're getting into Bethany and her stepfather. I think they're pretty much summed it up pretty well. She did the basic feelings of it, but just all the details of that story being on TV like that was awkward to watch. And it was, again, it was just so strange how like there were some matter of fact about it. He was like, well, you know, I was a gambler. And mafia was after me. And it's like, what the what? Excuse me. Every story she told. Yeah, every story she told just got worse and where she'd be like, yeah, I know you're sorry, but you know, the reason I'm still upset about it is because that morning that you guys gave me that bowl full of nails for breakfast and I, you know, almost ate it and then I was moving out blood for nine months and he's like sorry I was drunk. And she's like, yeah, but what about that time you sold mom in front of the Walmart that was so embarrassing to me. You know how embarrassing it is. Not only is my mother a whore, but you did it in front of other people. He's like, I'm sorry I was drunk. The entire month of June, 1971, I was in a cage that was very weird for me. I didn't like that. But it was weird to poop on myself. But what was strange too is the music for the most part the music was kind of lighthearted the music was Like a little bit a little bit more serious than the survivor super music stupid music But it still was like doo-doo-doo-doo-doo like you know like like real house has a New York has that bassoon that plays it's like It's like it's going off while Bethany's like you know It's hard for me to have sex when I have memories of my mother being beaten and dragging down a hall and the music like I was like this is odd. I mean he's like yeah, but what about me you didn't call me for 20 years And she's like well what what I call you. I mean remember that time you ripe the dog in front of me I mean that was crazy. I mean if I'm a child do it in the bathroom like a normal person Jesus I'm it. I'm the child. I'm the child. I'm a child But you know what but you know what? It's okay, cuz I am who I am now. I am who I am now. It's okay Well, she did that thing that Heather was talking about where they're like this is my moment. Yeah Why are you saying you understand this is my moment when he was like, yeah, you know The I was hurt too. No, this is me on the child on the child Although to be fair to be fair in this case I think that's it if there's any a good time any time to be like I'm the child on the child It's when you're talking to the dad who beat you and beat your mom and was at was like being chased by the mafia And so like if you haven't talked to him for 20 years, I think it's okay to be like well I'm the child and you do this all wrong. That's okay. She's been talking with him So she's had a relationship with him Well, just the only easily they've been talking and stuff like that and today they like actually like got together in front of the cameras but I'm sure they've Talked about it. Don't you think like do you think this is the first time they must have because you know It was they were just really hashing out some very serious things and they just But they were hashing out in a way where they've already had they have like a lot of perspective on it In the way that people who are hashing things out for the first time almost don't have you know like usually when people hash things out There's like a lot of denial and then there's tears There's anger or there's just all these fireworks and then afterwards when they have time to let these things sink in They're like, you know what? I did do that. So I they must have talked about this already Yeah, and when he is like honey, you know, you're a good person and everything's worked out for the best I know it was hard, but you need to let it go and she's like let it go let it go Have you seen that movie? Do you know what happened to that girl once you let it go? She turned the whole the whole eyeliner to ice. All right, everybody turned into ice She's like don't bring up a frozen reference around a frigid woman. Okay. Yeah, she's like, you know what? I'm frozen right now, and it's I'm in Miami. I mean who's frozen in Miami. I mean who does this how has it possible? But I'm cold. I'm cold right now. I'm frozen over. Who does this? You know that he you know that chasing used to call me frigid That's just some sensitive. All right. That's insensitive, and I don't appreciate it You know, I always want to go to Norway. Okay, you know what? I always want to go nowhere We didn't go Norway because my dad was beating up my mom. Okay, so I didn't go to Norway I went to the doorway. All right, who does that? Who goes the doorways, and oh, it's so dark Jesus I'm glad we're okay. Yeah, it's okay because you're not you know, you're not feeding me razor blades for lunch I didn't I didn't buy into my sandwich today, and there was a razor blade in it. Oh, sorry Okay, okay, it's okay, we're okay. I know I'm here. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I'm doing good So does this mean that there's hope for for reconciliation with Bethany and Jill if Bethany can get over if Bethany can get over Her drunken dad who beat her mom and told Bethany to her face that she was never wanted as a fetus Then I think there is hope for Jill's Erin Oh, thanks for that. Thanks a lot for that He was saying where he is like listen she was some young girl who was a drug addict didn't want to have the baby and you know That's why she was awful to you. I think what he was trying to say was it's not you You know cuz I think a lot of people yeah, mommy issues or daddy issues A lot of times you grow up thinking like you did something and it's not you They're their own person to and she your mom is a fuck up and it has nothing to do right with you Even though you had to suffer through it, you know, although I think let's be honest the mom probably was like I can't deal with this baby. It's seven weeks old and it's already talking in full sentences The mom's is like oh my god. This this baby won't show up to like oh crying to the night like no The baby keeps him saying like what is this a rattle? Who needs a rattle? I don't you rattle rest milk this weird my mom's putting her own breasts in my mouth. That's that's strange I don't even like milk listen I was trying to play with this rattle thing that you put in my crib and you know all it does is make noise And I keep telling it this is my turn. This is my story This is about me on the trials on the child and the rattle just kept rattling. I mean what the hell mom You know that Bethany as a baby was like the female equivalent of that that little baby and Roger Rabbit, you know Had a little cigar What's the name of that baby Herman Baby Bethany yeah, Roger. Okay, Roger. This is what you got to do. I've been in this business a long time. Okay, give me my cigar Who's Roger Rabbit? That's Ramona You know by the way, you know if you did like You know Ramona be like and a shave or shave haircut for free There's anyone who's come bursting through it through a wall who can't be held down by by Eddie. It's gonna be Ramona I love that Jessica Rabbit is still so fuckable because I don't know if you guys ever look Look at Pornhub or anything like that, but there's like things on the side of cartoons fucking What when did that happen because that's crazy to me? But I guess oh yeah, which important is a little over the internet ads and it's like Jessica Rabbit being boned by Roger Rabbit And I'm like I really yeah, you know our Homer Simpson fucking Ned Flanders It's like when it needs to see that ever I once was hanging out with my friends and we were talking about like a cartoon porn porn And if I started out the joke started off as I wonder if I'm sure there's a card the internet so fucked up I'm sure there's like there's porn about Jessica Rabbit I think that was the way in and then we started just like imagining anything and we would look like you think there's like Jetson's porn And we looked it up. There's Jetson's porn. There's Flintstones porn I mean, I'm sure there's gets fucked but no actually I'm sure there's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle porn. I'm gonna look it up I think that Barney I think that Barney was the bottom, but I remember seeing the Flintstones one and being like okay enough And also why doesn't Barney have hair on his back cuz you know he does This is just unrealistic now if I'm gonna masturbate to Barney getting screwed by Fred Flintstone. I need some realism. Okay. Can I take something to that? Wait a second if you look up Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles porn and go into an image search it is hilariously fucked up like there is an image of the I guess who was named with like the little sort of like like raccoon Like friend that they have you know, they've got like a raccoon like sensei. Oh, I never mentioned that one I think well, so it's like there's four in the in in the story of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles They're the four turtles and then they're like their spiritual advisor is this raccoon who wear or a raccoon Ask thing that wears like a little robe the very first image if you do TMNT porn is the four turtles all Like in some sort of like pool or tub bathtub with the sensei the sensei is on the back and they're jerking off the sensei Was looking at it, but I think oh, there's also there's a T&T porn Oh my goodness What is it? Teenage Oh TMNT porn. There's one where like one of the turtles is getting it up They asked from the other turtle and the other one and okay, okay, let me describe this What I don't remember who is what color but whoever has like the yellow The yellow is is on his back Getting it up the ass from the turtle who has the red while the one the purple one is Recording it with the camcorder and the blue one is sticking his dick on the yellow And she's saying it's it is I'm turning this layer. I can't look at this is amazing. I'm destroying my own sexual life right now Oh my god. Oh, and I forgot the yellow one's also jerking off the purple one You know whoever out there if you're masturbating to cartoon porn stop it. It's just gross Okay, like if you've masturbated that much that you've seen everything there is to see and you need something new to get turned on by It's probably time to leave the house. Okay, let go of your penis and walk away. Yeah, this is assuming it's men I don't think a woman would be jerking off to that. No, I don't I don't think so. I don't I I You never know though. All right. Well, that was fun. Thanks everybody for About cartoon porn than you need it, but yeah, it's funny. It's so awful. You know what it is You know what it is. It's crass. Okay, it's crass. I don't like I don't like John cuz he does too much Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle porn. Okay, it's crass No, I say it's turtle time. Okay. I don't mean it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle porn time. Okay Okay, let's move on to two other shows and we have a lot we've got two more today So what would you like to start with being well? Okay? Let me check to make sure well, they're too Here's my dilemma. Here's my dilemma Ronnie I took a lot of notes on Shah's, but I felt like southern charm had more interesting things happening Let's talk about southern charm first because Shah's I mean, there's really still only two main issues So we don't really need to spend that much time on it or do you want to just get Shah's out of the way? Well, let's do let's do southern charm actually cuz Shah's I took a lot of notes So we're not gonna be able to get out of the way cuz I have so many notes I'm gonna wind up getting us mired in the details. Okay. Well, this episode starts with Cameron reminding us how awful everything is Going down at this trip in Jekyll Island. She's like Something horrible happened. I mean the worst possible thing that could happen Thomas was accused of assault I mean this is worth dirty room. This is worse than a sock on the floor. Believe it or not This is worse. This is worse than a gay person getting equal rights Just kidding. I'm sure Cameron's pro gay Yeah, she seems I mean she seems like she would be but she bit of it I think Cameron not being involved in any of the action except as a judgey Mick Joterson. I Love it, and I've always loved it. It's getting a little It's getting a little just mean girl to me. I don't mind I like it, but it is funny how she basically has no stories. She's never had a story She just is there. She makes commentary She stirs the pot a little bit and then if we're lucky she gets drunk and does a weird dance With her arms a weird. Oh my god, she's doing a little sweet hair. Yeah. It was great. Oh, we've all known that white girl Oh my god, there is nothing worse than a blonde drunk white girl like parting for the first time in 10 years He's knocking over chairs falling down dragging everybody. It's like calm down I'm just sorry that she didn't try to do a salsa like the one they learned at the top of the episode without a structure It's like okay now this how you do the sauce, okay So just imagine there's like a bowl of chips and there's a bowl of salsa behind you and a bowl of guacamole Each of the front of you and then maybe some cheese dip to the right and then maybe some you know pesto on the left Which isn't thematic, but you know, the mexicans are like pesto if they tried it With that chip into the dip. Okay. Now. We're gonna have a chip twisted in the dip Chip swallow it go to the side for another I'm only walk a molly over here Three bean layer dip over here in the eye on the side. Okay. We got a lot of we got a lot of dips going on here Now move that dip move that chip right here. Yeah, that woman is definitely hungry. Yeah, I was like I don't know wearing the same A rovix outfit from the 80s that she taught in but she has some added decent meal since then Yeah, exactly imagine her teaching the tango. She's like all right right over here Right right over here. We got we got some hummus. Okay, and you're just gonna put your carrot stick in the hummus All right, and then you take your carrot stick out and then you got some taziki back over there But the carrot stick in there now you got some secants and hummus. You got a full meal now you don't learn the tango Peter on the side and hollives and grape leaves and back to the sweetheart And baba ganusch news news baba baba ganusch So everybody's like, oh my god, what is Thomas gonna say about this big scandal that just broke Catherine's probably freaking out Oh my god. Catherine's probably freaking out. Oh, I hope Catherine's okay. What's Catherine doing? Catherine. Catherine. What's Catherine doing and cut to Catherine? She's like Oh my god She's like, she's like, I'm freaking out. She's like, I'm taught well Thomas unit. I've got I got your back like um like 100 Mm percent and I'm gonna get your back and then she just doesn't go to anything Yeah, I really need you to come home Okay And then of course Craig interlopes and he's like, you don't need to go home. Who needs you? He doesn't need you there Time to have fun. Yeah, like what like like, why is it that like the moment he needs you? He has to drop everything like man like just wake up at 2 p.m. And then hang out with your friends, man She's like this isn't busy be yeah, you're right. You're right. Let's take a golf cart to a dance class I hope we don't get lost on the way and have to rely on everything you learned from naked and afraid Oh my god. Oh track when he said When he literally said that they survived the night by by everything that he's learned from naked and afraid I just I mean, it's not my fault. The golf cart broke down And then that tree fell in the road And then that person was standing around who was gonna murder us and we were into he had to take a hole and get naked I mean, I watched naked and afraid You're not helping Oh, god, he's not trying to help. He's trying to knock shit down. So I mean, right if that's your goal. Good job. You did it You're doing it. You're doing it. It's what I mean I love how like everyone scandalized and then of course Whitney Are the biggest shister of all afterwards. He like pulls over. He's like pulls over jd And it's like didn't know it's trying to strike your strings. The captain's not here. Isn't that strange? Don't you think that like, you know, you know, I think that maybe she's like She's the one who set up this whole scandal. It's that way to tank the election to get back at Thomas I'm like, you know what? Like Whitney God if you applied half of this creativity to your filming career, you would actually have a career He's off. Well, he sounds like he's trying to write log lines for some movie. He's just so stupid He's like they're in cahoots and I think it's a diabolical conspiracy And if she can't have him, no one can I'm like, this isn't lifetime for fuck's sake. Jesus. I'm girl. We just fucked in a sandhole Yeah, she's she's just a stupid like young girl who is like immature or she's mature She's not immature. She's just acting her age. She's not probably not even stupid But like it's not about who looks exactly like Thomas and then kill Thomas And then she's going to make that person the mayor of whatever Yeah, she can find Thomas's twin Demensory and candidate Oh God, she's like that because Meryl Streep is a controlling mother Geez, that's why she's always chewing ice Who said this? I did not write this but I think the friend the boring friend jd was like, hey, man I think you're I think you're driving acts between this relationship and he's like, she's the driving acts Like good Yeah Whole thing Whitney just looks more ridiculous by the week. I mean, yeah Something is like he needs a new way His is like he needs to see he needs to see Bethany's friend and get and find out who's who's doing her hair Because his is like just looking so strange and lopsided So then we get to a political meeting back in Charleston with robin right pen and uh Meet sandy duncan She's hilarious. She really is acting like this is the presidency and she's Well, it's you know what she should, you know what that's her job Even though it's love it. I love how she sits up so straight and does that look at him You know, like she just does that look like well She's the only one who seems to have any idea of what to do I guess I know I'm listening to vote So I guess one could argue that she doesn't but well I'm sure the three well, that's probably He probably lost half of his vote after what needs commercial and then the other half You know after the uh the allegations I don't think he ever really had any I think this woman's like well It's good to be out of the house. You know blocking is a lot harder than people make it at debate So that was pretty cute then what happened? Um, so My oh my god, so then that's when she's like what the hell what the hell's going on with you? And he's like well I think this might be uh craig now. This is his conspiracy about craig coming after him And you know, I just got so angry and that's what led me to that facebook post Yeah, yeah to make matters worse if you couldn't if you couldn't make a bigger jackass of himself he Post his whole long screed on facebook, which I think we probably read on this podcast back at the time And at the end he says kathryn and i over so if the solid charges are one thing but to Put this whole thing on facebook just shows a lack of unique. Yeah shows such a lack of impulse control of course You didn't get any votes. He's such an idiot Some old man breaking up with his trophy girlfriend on facebook nice draw buddy Yeah, yeah, well done well done Katherine, I guess reading this on facebook and then she then she goes home Then she's like yeah, there's like this weird like simon and garfunkel moment where she's like Driving back home, you know, it's like all the memories that we had what memories you guys like fuck twice got a baby out of it by accident and fought the rest time The memories were literally an old creep going you look hot and then yeah Yeah, i'm gonna do you good girl, and then the next one is like, oh, yeah, your legs These are the times Because they will not last forever So village also And just like five like His wist wistful moments Catherine's like, I mean it was so it was so over the top like their breakup Something happening Thomas being so drunk that he actually dances with her and almost drops her on her head I can't believe that this didn't last I know the great the great american romance of our time has come to an end Like what what do we do what do we do when patricia sitting at home? Watch it waiting for Thomas to come on the news and loving it I'm just waiting here to see the weather report because it's about the shit on Thomas Ravenel's head darling Michael Michael could you get me a bourbon please i want to watch Thomas Ravenel unfold onto your television Um Then with me explaining what happened well, you know, they said they just got lost on the beach and she's like listen I have had sex with many rich men in the middle of the night on that beach You can see the lights from there. Give me a A little mud drip comes out and get back inside take a shower and pretend that it's all normal What a shameless trumpet Maybe maybe that's why uh, maybe that's why craig didn't know what to do because there's no lights in the distance on naked and afraid He's like lads. I don't he's like, I don't know what the lights mean. Maybe those are like alien The guy just like just hunker down. Look it down till morning. They're watching us from the electricity And then hammer shows up at the uh election party which election night out. Yeah, why why are we doing this? Yeah, it's just nothing is going to go well here. It's just another excuse to gather jd's restaurant Everyone welcome back to my restaurant Poor jd the only normal guy in this hole. He's like normal and actually success He's like he's both like old money and doing something successful for himself He's like and he's got like a nice wife and kids and a nice house What's he doing on this show? They seem weird that i'm hanging out with these people, but they let me wear my mat matlock suit never say anything about it So that's that's called a friend people Come on down to my restaurant free chicken for everybody except for koopa He's from Alabama um, so This same camera shows up and this is where I started Getting kind of annoyed because camera shows up. Of course, it's empty and she's like, well, I mean this is a Tragedy, I mean this is the most tragic thing I have ever seen in my life I mean there is nobody here. I mean this is like These shelves are so empty. It's like the only Librarian Katharine would be caught at it's like jesus price. Okay, we get it. No. Oh, I like it I don't get on her phone and starts texting and talking really loudly about how there's no way in hell Thomas will win and how it's all a joke at his election party Yeah, well She's right though Well, so then people start to show up and then Thomas comes and everyone you know You know what was funny is that like when Thomas showed up they didn't even clap for him I thought for sure there'd be like a hole like this like crag at least crag like raised a drink and was like really I'm the only one like everyone's like, oh, yeah, Thomas It was so sad patricia was nice in her way. She's like Darling Thomas. I'm so proud of you The way you spent all of that money and got nothing back. I mean I feel like you're basically one of witness projects Yeah I've been down that path so many times you've sort of graduated to my level now Just throwing money at an empty void I get it now. Got it. Thank you for inviting me to this trumpet free zone Um And then Thomas of course his thing is well, you know, I just want to change america But unfortunately america doesn't want change They just want some square without their life or a life of their own It's like you just posted something stupid on facebook and now your drunk ass is going to sit here Blaming america. Sorry. I mean i'll blame america for a lot of things but Well, actually I guess america is I guess Thomas ravenel is kind of a product of america's fault in general Like some spoiled entitled little fuck who thinks he can do whatever he want. I still would vote for him Well for the fun, you know, I mean well for the fun But I mean all these like let's not act like all these other politicians are squeaky clean I mean, I mean they they yes They do have some more common sense than to post some some bullshit on facebook But I mean like just just yesterday. Oh, actually no, he wasn't a politician. Never mind But this you know, but like a few weeks ago Politician on grinder, you know anti-gay ungrinder. They're all doing they're all in Fairs they're all in the nestling. Yeah, this guy has been too prison for selling coke in his like while he was in office I know. Well, I he's just like what I could do whatever I want I'm rich. My name's on a bridge. Like no one's gonna go vote for a bridge. Okay. I appreciate his entrepreneurial Instincts He has he's like JD. He knows how to start a business. Oh good. All right. No, okay. So maybe he's not maybe he's not equipped to be a politician, but I'm just become cynical about the whole process that I almost would prefer a coke dealing felon then like You know one of these other wonks. Yeah, it would just be fun to like follow his facebook posts Yeah, that's true too. So anyway, um, so thomas is giving his concession speech Um, and then kathryn shows up in this tizzy. She's like pushing people out of the way. She's like move move out of the way God, of course, she arrives right when the speech starts in like jerry springer mode walking right in front of everybody You know, you know, the funny thing about kathryn is that she kind of acts like a meth head But I don't believe she's actually on math She just is her search. She's like a little herky jerky and she scratched or scratches her neck and strip has this like smile that looks demented You know at all times she slurs her words and yet for some reason I feel like she's totally sober Yeah, I'm not sure about sobriety anymore because now pills have entered the equations So is that still sober? Like if you're not drinking, but you're taking a lot of prescriptions for you know Whatever is that considered? So I guess it is, right? I don't know. Maybe talk to uh kim richards about that Yeah, she's like what so is paint so it's enough to sniff the little pain. It's legal Wrong people paint their houses. Oh no go down the street and tell people they can't paint their houses. What are you the homeowners association? Well, I don't know that if you take a pill at the pole lounge, it's okay because it's like childhood That's not used to give me pills in that booth I didn't fall off the wagon because the wagon was full of pain. I was just around the wagon sniffing it so uh Katherine comes in and makes this big scene like she's gonna tell him off right in front of everybody And Craig is like what? I mean she showed up to support him. I thought that was nice She's so dumb He's so dumb So thomas actually terrified Um in his infinite wisdom does actually thank kathryn But it's in this way like I'd like to thank the bingo commission of charlison Water and supply people and and the hobby lobby for selling such dependable glues I mean would we have three christmas without the hobby lobby. Oh and kathryn. Thank you Exactly And then he like and then he so then he goes off to the corner He's talking with wittany and when he is once when he is being totally condescending to him He's like well at least he didn't embarrass self. I mean well. I mean you did embarrass self But you know at least he didn't embarrass self that badly and then kathryn comes over because she's like, I'm just I'm just gonna go over And make sure that like he's like, okay So she comes over and she's like Thomas and he's like, you know, I don't want to be drama Actually, I came over To support you but that's okay. Like that's fine And he's like, well, I appreciate your support. Thank you very much. And then she stands there. She's like, what? I appreciate your support. I'm confused Thank you very much. He's like, what are you confused about? Do you not have facebook on your cell phone? Because if you check your notifications, you'll notice I tagged you in a post that's quite long and says that you all don't Well, first of all, we weren't playing tags. So I don't know how you could do that. So Um, I don't understand really Listen, I have broken up with you. You have not responded and I've also asked you to play candy crush saga and you have not responded I have nothing to say to you until I get fresh lives on candy crush Thank you And I actually I thought it was hilarious and like totally mean and cold But I love the way he just totally dismissed her like thank you for coming out to support me. Thank you Coming over to start some drama. I love that Whitney is acting like he's just such a great friend Yeah, and he's acting like he's being supportive and he's saying things like Thomas 19 people voted for you I mean that means that people at 19 people in this city got up off of their couch And they walked down and they voted for you. They could have been doing anything that day But they didn't they voted for you like thanks Whitney It's like that's like twice the amount of people that's on my documentary. I mean you have to be really be impressed Um, and so then Catherine goes back to like the the table of women and she's a sulking And then landon's then landon out of nowhere. Landon who's always been like miss sweet giggler She's like, oh, it's a little misinformed to think it's always about you Like you are at or party. So fuck off and I can see it. It's a little conceited to think that Yeah, I kind of think it's our party. It's not a busy bee. Yeah, you're dumped. It's no longer ours darling Yeah, um, but landon, you know I said this right when land I think or I thought this I think I said it right when landon came on girls like that I never tried people like that, but Landon those girls were always like They're usually assholes and the minute you could tell Like her she showed her true personality for like one she and i'm not saying she's an asshole for telling Catherine to shut up She was totally in the right but when she was talking about it to us like to the camera and she was like Like i'm really surprised that she's talking to me like this because i've been so supportive And I mean it shows her true color. She has no class like for one minute She stopped Like shade literally came over her face like the sun was Well, that's what I love about this show because they're all so friendly and everything But you know the moment the moment that you like stop playing by the code Which is that you have to like act a certain way And you need to have a certain amount of money or be on the path to get an answer amount of money the moment that you stop You were out. It's like it's immediately like you just have no class Um, and I thought like what's funny too is Catherine has to be so annoying and so awful Because landon was on her side landon's the one being like, well, you know It's kind of annoying because my first husband like he just wanted me just to stand there and be there at a moment No, it is So she was like she was the one who was totally empathizing with Catherine and so for her to get her for her to turn Catherine be like, it's a little conceited to think it's all about you It means that she's really like fuck this bitch right now Yeah, well, Catherine was awful She like walks into this thing makes a huge scene like she's gonna have drama then gets drunk Cause she did get drunk because of that. Yeah, and then she starts complaining to everybody at the At the events like gross But I mean not a shocker, of course But I just thought that was funny seeing that little clip and also she's giving her the worst advice in the world on the beach Saying you shouldn't have to go back. Of course. She should she has to like You know stand up for her man or whatever Yeah, this was a politician, but you're bringing your own relationship into it It's like no, I wouldn't go back either because I mean he wouldn't even appreciate it when I mean dinner. It's like it's not about you Yeah, I mean, I understand I understand that sentiment Thomas has been treating Catherine pretty poorly But this is sort of an extenuating circumstance where literally This could massively affect his campaign and subsequently his future And all you have to do is go there and you know Refute the whole thing and said she's like, I'm gonna have I'm gonna have another Lamb martini or something. Yeah, but um, but I don't know I'm surprised any of these women can tolerate Catherine because they are all like 10 years older than her And you know what it's like when you're like in your 30s hanging out with someone who's 21 and like a mess It's like you just don't have time for it. Yeah Yeah, well when they get messy like that because she seems so much fun the rest of the time I'm so confused with her like I really like her and she also like I really don't like her too So I don't know I go back She would be she would be fun if she was with a pack of girls her own age and they're just then they're just partying And she's not like in a situation where the guy would treat her badly whatever just let her be a party girl and then she'd be awesome Yeah, but you know, you've got to have a Catherine because next week we get to see her running on a bridge in a pimp for Screaming that's like five sizes too big because you know Thomas like dug that out of some closet up from the upstairs plantation room that nobody uses He's like this is my grandma ethels, but it's grandma ravenell grabbing on it ravenell We're gonna put this on you to cover up your entire body So I don't remember she gave us the idea to build that bridge when she said wouldn't it be nice to go from here to there While she was playing bridge Handed it right over to her, but she's why she's like running on this on this bridge Probably the ravenell bridge or something in this fur. That's way too big for her looking like a little girl playing dress up going No No Plus plus we see she'll lose this shit over crag. Shep is really going through it with crag He isn't he really hates crag these days crags awful I mean after seeing him in these past couple episodes that guy's the worst at first It was just like oh, he's partying and having fun who cares like he earned it. He graduated law school But now he's like actively boating someone's wife and a whole and you know Trying to ruin that guys Yeah, but this is you know a lot of people were like oh god shep has turned into an asshole And like he shep is being kind of like a whiny bitch with this whole crag situation But this is also sort of the way guys deal in with when a guy sort of realizes he doesn't like someone else where he has an issue He doesn't really know why he has an issue, but he just starts becoming an asshole to that guy That's just what happens. And then the other guy's like, whoa, what did I do wrong? And it just sort of has to work its way out and then they'll be friends by the reunion. They'll be friends again Yeah, probably yeah, the guys do guys definitely do it differently And that's why there aren't any shows on bravo about just guys because that's what it is, you know Why certainly oh sorry dude, but you're a dick. You're a fucking idiot. You you fuck you. You have a tiny dick Yeah, fuck you at least I can use it. All right, man. Let's get a beer Yeah It's pretty water under the bridge that my boat is sailing on And of course we're talking about Straight men because we've all seen what happens when there's gay men housewives With the a-list new york and los angeles. Yeah, or on shaz of sunset or on Santa Monica boulevard Yeah, yeah, exactly. We'll stick though. We'll stick to shaz today shaz of sunset. So this week's episode began With rezel he went to go see his flipper his first fixer upper on stanley And oh my god the permits passed and he was like he was he was like oh my god because it's Ossa's voodoo magic priestess pop priestess shit worked and he got the permits Like all the poor Why is he orange? Why And in that scene he was wearing an orange tie and his wall is orange there was so much orange I know so he was marveling over that. I'm like, I don't really think it's Pop priestess magic. I think it's just that like if it takes eight weeks for a permit to process Well eight weeks have passed so you got your permits. That's all that happened Wait till I make christmas happen Yeah, I know Um, so that was going on and then mj went to a fertility specialist Which is like something she does every year. I feel like she's even seen this doctor before wasn't there I think there was a season like two seasons ago. I like her dentist or something. It's like Every it's like the multi the Swiss. Yeah, Persian. He just sells Mercedes. He sells Mercedes Let me watch my hands before I go into your vagina. I just finished a dental cleaning Yeah, he's like uh, he's like a part-time dentist car salesman jeweler and fertility specialist He's like, I'm gonna fix your eggs and then get you into a great Mercedes. Yeah So She actually saw this fertility specialist like two seasons ago because the whole thing was like, oh, oh my god How funny we went to high school together And so I was like, I thought it was a little bizarre that they went back and Also, I'm so sick of women on bravo shows going to fertility specialists I mean You know the only thing that's only thing that's more tired than this storyline is the is the fake baby To see if they can be an actual mother. Is this really the path you want to go down? Oh, be careful. That's next. I really thought that's where they were going with the Me too. I was like, oh, no, it's gonna be fake baby time. You know Resa making jokes at a fertility clinic about fertility was pretty funny He's like, hey, oh, here we are We're in the egg factory to see if you can still make an omelet Because that would be terrible. No man wants a woman who can't click an omelet Homegirl needs to have some eggs. I mean, what's like going to a brunch spot They don't have eggs like no one wants that. I mean homegirl got here What's that bitch got a dude who gets some eggs around here? Am I right? If you have a baby, it's not even gonna be just a normal baby It's gonna be like a fiesta burrito southwestern omelet baby from iHOP That shit's gonna be huge and Oh flavorful You know Mercedes when she has an egg, it's gonna be like an egg benefit You're gonna poke into it. It's just gonna go running everywhere You know Mercedes eggs when she has an egg It's gonna be like that egg that Mark came out of and she's gonna be so surprised Because it's gonna be huge. It's gonna be this big coch addict baby that just crawls out of her You know what? I wouldn't be surprised if her egg is like a Cadbury cream egg It looks like shit on the outside. It's pulled a weird goo on the inside That's some funny shit. Yeah Anyway, so she goes to fertility specialist yada yada yada and She finds out that her eggs are in great condition. She starts to cry yada yada yada So then I for that baby, could you imagine trying to squeeze through that? It's like what a way to make it into life She's gonna be like why does my baby have like a fucking cylinder shaped head I think it'll be a great experience for the baby. It'll feel like being hugged A thousand times let the rinda when it comes out No, it's gonna be a saying before I was calling him Fred It's flat Stanley not flat Fred. Oh, well, I got what you meant. I I got what you meant Um, so then we go to ossa's mom who's the cutest fucking thing in the world I love us her new house And did you notice that during the scene that she's like looking at her new house the entire time She's wearing a t-shirt that has a bikini body on it Yes, it was like clearly bought from like some Taurus. Yeah, it was no. Yeah, exactly carol No, it was clearly bought from like some choskey shop on hollard boulevard or like robert beach And she's like bit dancing. She's like, oh, look at the kitchen. Look at the kitchen And like the entire time I'm just looking at this bikini shirt I love her when she walked up and she's like, oh, look it's the 50 shades of gray No, no, what happens in that bedroom? And then they like she's feeding a cheeto to the cat. I mean, she's kind of a disaster but amazing Uh, so that was cute. And then they Well, and then they wait I have to say then they they put all this time and effort into like making this beautiful new house And the first thing that ossa does she's like, hey mommy mommy Moshtee we're gonna hang up an evil eyes that way keeps off evil spirits and she puts this trinket This ugly eyeball right over the doorway right in your face I'm like, why would you do that? I was like, and I know I know who won't be coming by But I love it. Gretchen Rossi. Gretchen Rossi. She put up it. However, she put up an evil eye However, how could you do that to me? However, I really like your new house. However, Tamara's looking at me from the door However That's her doorbell Oh Gretchen we miss you Come back So bla bla bla some of the mike sells the next next is mike's mike sold a house in the valley There was that Which I am not convinced that he did anything for because he's like it's like watching the credits after one year friends youtube Videos that you made for like, no, no money, but the the video lasts five minutes, but the credits are like five minutes Yes, they're like the barista Starbucks for writing my name on the cup. It's like shut up. No one cares. That's a youtube movie You're not winning anything Exactly. And so then mj came in By the way, there was so much bad makeup on this episode. I mean mj and asa their makeup was so Crazy ridiculous. I mean I couldn't help if this was I was thinking this might be just like some strange like tie in promotion with the new poltergeist coming out because everyone looked like a clown All right, I was afraid. I'm like now afraid to look under my bed because I think mj might be under there and she'll grab me and pull me under It could be uh, it could be a tie in with home depot because of the show Kim sniffing paint Yes back on backling their paint on Yeah So so mj's there and then she basically tells mike that she wants mike to apologize I'm just like this is so it's getting so tiresome. He's not we're gonna apologize and none you know And I have to say Even though we all think that mike did something okay, and it seems pretty evident that he did and and gg passed a lie detector Oddly enough. I don't feel like he should apologize because there's no actual proof You know, and I just kind of feel like he's not a big deal. I mean exactly I have gotten drunk and tried to fuck friends of mine before and trust me. We did not have this issue They either did it Or they just said stop your gross and drunk go away Well, I think I think the conversation should not be mj saying you have to apologize To gg the conversation should be you need to sit down gg because she thinks you did this And if you're saying you didn't do it then you have to explain like what it was and like make peace That's what mj should be saying not like you should be apologizing. I'm just like really sick of this whole thing Yeah, but it's the season long arc. So get ready more because next week. It's now He's apologizing and unless it's like you're apologizing for trying to fuck me Oh god, if there's only thing if there's anything more tiresome than this storyline It's bobby and asifah fake bickering where once again He's like smiling and his all his his is terrible terrible hair plugs are just like standing on edge And he can't even like complain properly without it seeming totally fake God even in front of his mom the mom comes over and they're fighting It's just so gross to watch who cares and listen if your boyfriend fucked one of your friends after he broke up with you That's fair to you have to get over it. By the way, have you noticed that bobby's Facial hair doesn't it sort of look like a lesbian and drag You know wait lesbians put on that they put on that that that weird like pencil Beard every single time. Yes bobby's just like generally the whole thing is kind of like a drag king You know, you're you're like wow I've never seen something like this before i'm actually excited and then they open their mouth And you're like they're just another fucking bad lip sinker just like the rest of them Exactly so anyway, so bobby's mom comes over and they decided Uh, they got some food from a restaurant and they're bringing it out and then it's like Like ossiva wants to take the food out in the containers and bobby's like babe, babe Dude like we got put on plates. She's like babe. You want to take the food out on the plate And he's like babe. She's like babe babe babe. Be a man. Be a man. Eat out of a container No, you always do this. You're always this is why we can't get married bed bed bed So gross and then later when they have lunch or dinner or whatever meal it was everyone on the show eats That's all they do is eat on the show They um they're having some meal and then they bring it up again and then they start fighting again about stupid shit It's like it's just but you know that he's awful, but she's I think she's worse because She's she's constantly emasculating him. She's always saying like you should be a big boy and visit your mom We shouldn't have your mom move to l.a. Be a man and visit your mom. That's like oh, you're so obnoxious Oh my god, the the waiter that the bread that this waiter brought god It's so hard and stale it stale like my marriage, but at least it's still hard unlike bobby Oh, she's just so she's so awful and and just like Just to get back to this thing that she keeps on dragging out about like how bobby Boned one of her friends when they were broken up. It's like, you know what? Like if that's a problem for you and I can see why it would be a problem like I get that But don't take him back like don't take him back and then like hold it over his head You either accept it and take it back and move forward or be mad at him and just go on to some other dude Like just shut up. I like a no sympathy for line Like I don't even like talking about it because they're just doing it for the cameras And they're also that couple that I hate in real life that just wants to fight in front of you like no by Yeah, exactly. So then I did love what he said First of all everyone in this episode is saying we'll work it out in Thailand Which is so funny because Thailand, why are you going to go? Are they all going to get like the way to work it out? Are they all going to get like gender reassignment surgery or something? Is that going to fix it all? Everybody's going to work it out in Thailand and he's telling Asa at their own lunch like, oh, well We're going to work this out in Thailand and then he tells us, you know, maybe Thailand Maybe it'll bring back the girl that Asa for used to be I'm like, you know, what's in Thailand, right? You know, he's like I can't wait to have the whore back that I Know I know it's basically them saying like listen, let's not talk about this now Let's save the content for a really good vacation episode Um, so then there was a picnic where gg and her new guy were with mj and mj's guy And then gg like suddenly like bolts up because now she's afraid of ants I'm like you're afraid of ants imagine how to get the ants are they're like, who the fuck is this bitch standing on top of us like She's crazy. We can tell she's crazy. Let's move the hill. Don't move the hell. She's ruined the colony. Everybody's drunk Oh god colony collapses in on itself a bunch of drawn gas ants I know I like the mj a showed up in a tennis outfit complete with tennis hat and ugs Um, and you know that bitches never play tennis in her life And I love that she's still in that mode with her boyfriend where she's like, hi I really like your shirt. He's like I really like your dress Yeah, hey, well Glad you guys are working out. That's fun. Um, so then adam and reza go to therapy Oh my god reza is the worst By the way, I just want to say this He's so mean I just want to say this therapist has the most soothing voice of all time You know like I could just sit and listen to him like narrate things It's like so you enjoy free-balling and facial calm. Well, that's fantastic. How does that make you feel reza? Reza do you like reza do you like my couch? It's a nice catch isn't it? Hasn't make you feel bad at him is adam like the couch who wants to sit on Adam great Free ball my hair gets caught in my zipper and it hurts I understand reza because zippers zippers are a bitch and we don't know it I can't free ball because otherwise I have to wear something other than chevron pants the pattern covers up the erection Reza is such an awful fucking human being. I don't know what anybody would marry him who takes their man On national tv to a therapist and tells the entire world that he's looking at big dick come on your face free-balling porn Yeah, and is a total sex addict pervert like gross Why would you do that and poor adam whose innocent little parents? We just saw last week. Yeah Adam with the board run over he's sitting there Can't even believe it. He's just like his little chicken run face is like what what huh? What he just He's not even bothering anymore running away from the chicken factory He's just lying down on the conveyor belt getting ready to be turned into a dog Dude run there would be a chicken run movies if they all acted like you And he's sitting there. He's crying Reza is not even bothering with a fake cry. Reza is not even like I feel like You know, he's a wonderful guy and I love him, but I just don't think we have any future He's not even bothering. He's like he's like bitch gotta have sex. I'm sorry How about you address the fact that you've gained 50 pounds since you started dating this guy and stop shaving your nuts or whatever's going on Like it's not always about the other person. I don't like that. He's asking is it something I'm doing. Am I am escalating you? What is it? You know, he's not looking within himself. It's all about Adam It's like if this fuck toy isn't gonna be there two times a day. Don't forget it You know, by the way By the way, I think it's all fake anyway because I think the plan is I think that Reza did not want to have a wedding in Thailand because he wants everyone in west wood to be able to come to it So they're gonna break up. They're gonna go to Thailand. It'll be a vacation. He'll come back He'll realize how much he misses Adam and then they'll have their big Persian wedding Yeah, he's collecting gifts from everywhere. Huh, that's actually a good very good thought Actually, I'll bet that is what he's doing. Good call Yeah, but if for some reason it doesn't work out adam like don't worry Just go to act bar in los felis and you'll find many bears and otters and whatever people with big mustaches People don't know this little secret, but if you need a fat hairy guy, we're usually on the east side Yeah, come over there Yeah So then that was just mortifying to watch and I wanted adam to run the hell away But he doesn't he just keeps looking for assurance from reza and you know, I hope that I find poor adam as a person Huh poor adam like the therapist is like so adam, what sort of problems do you think you have with reza? And i'm like, I don't know reza. What do you think my problems are? Oh, you poor baby get out of there adam's like nothing I really love him and you know when we he came into my life I became part of his friend group and we blended everything and so now I don't really know what to do You know, it's like I still remember the first time we met and we chopped parsley in a cooking class And I kind of felt like we've been chasing that high ever since Maybe I wouldn't have had sex with him then either, but the knives weren't wearing any underwear and it turned me on You know, I've always felt like our relationship was very exciting remember one time we had a picnic and we brought Persian food and Tupperware and I was like wow, that's crazy One time we got subway together and reza put sriracha sauce on mine and I was like, this is the man i'm gonna marry One time we went to subway and I was like, could I have a six inch on wheat and reza's like, no Why don't you get the 12 inch on the jalapeno bread? So I did and I ate half of it and it was really exciting So this was another week of somebody giving advice Based on their own lives, which is completely inappropriate And this is when reza went to brunch with all the friends and announces that he's not marrying adam and all this stuff Wait, we talk about can we talk about reza's shirt? He wore some crazy ass thing with these sleeves the sleeves look like the sleeves look like the ceiling of the bulagio casino I don't know if you've ever seen that because like this weird like multicolored display and it was all on his sleeves I was like, what are you doing reza? I wonder why adam it's not turned on by you. It's just like an assault on the eyes at all times with patterns and colors Yeah, maybe yeah, maybe he's just afraid of orange um, so He announces it brunch. Okay, and reza's such a fucking asshole that this is how he announces it The wedding's off. We're not getting married But we're still gonna go to Thailand adam's not gonna come and I would encourage all of you not to reach out to him Because he means his space. It's like fuck you. So now you're telling your friends that they can't even Call this guy who they've become friends with this guy's just a not a nice person I hope adam gets the hell away from him. Yeah adam adam should you can do a lot better? Not nice. Um, but anyway, the announcement Uh was followed by bobby's advice based on his own life where he's like hey good for you bro You made the right decision if you're not ready to get married don't get married am I right? Jesus, how about you know life altering decisions for other people Because of a stupid whore of a girlfriend People bib bib why you gotta talk about this? Why you gotta talk about this like we're gonna talk about end therapy I'm sorry bib, but you know, it's like you don't even like feed the dog. You don't feed the dog You don't put food on plates like bib. I can't deal with it bib bib. Let's not talk about the food Okay, we're talking about the food and therapy bib. I'm sorry bib Bib, look I know you don't want to talk about this in front of everybody Let's save it for therapy and let's focus on the fact that your dick doesn't work anymore and your cheekbones are fake Let's talk about that bib. It's like they they go Bib, yeah man Yeah, man and go to there talk about end therapy like a real man would oh my god You both need to just get married because you're perfect for each other and move somewhere far far away We're no one understands English so you can maintain some friendships because they're both awful go away They get cast on the show. I mean, I really don't it's like You know, I liked lily, you know the only reason why she didn't come back is because the second her second season She basically did not want to play ball. She was like fuck these people. Yeah, but um this girl Asafa. Oh, she is just beyond awful. Yeah, she is terrible What else is terrible in this? Um, it was fun watching vida meet Or vida have dinner with the boyfriend again Yeah, she was trying really hard to be nice mj is like mom Now please just try and do whatever you can to make you know make him feel comfortable and be nice Like but what I'll do wrong. I think nice. I'd be I'd be nice but and then she's like hello You good to see you That was Well mj. I think you eat your bread. I like that you know how to make four cold good for you By the way, I think that mj kind of busted vida a little bit because at one point mj said I think that if you and dad were like best friends or good friends you would still be together And it looked like vida was taking it back because it looked like she had it looked almost like she was about to cry I was I was actually pretty surprised Yeah Um, but she didn't because she's a cold bitch who plays ping pong. Yeah. Well, look every every villain Is really a big sweetheart underneath at all. Haven't you seen that angelina version of of uh sleeping beauty where the queen is like actually the hero I mean, come on maleficent. I have not seen that loved it. I was like I totally get you angie totally get you I can't because the only maleficent that's in my heart is heather de bro Well bane how awful It's awful. Um, so I guess that was the end of it this big fight or you know the The stupid as we're not having our wedding in tie land. That's so Persian. Let's finish the podcast in tie land I just love that everybody's gonna clear their air in one of the dirtiest Polluted most polluted countries or places ever, you know, it's gonna be like, let's clear the air Good luck with that. You are never gonna clear tie lands air. Okay. This will be the first time in the past 10 years That's highland will be wishing for another tsunami like please Please send a wave send a wave and wash these people out of our country Like we can deal with the bad air quality, but not these fucking people All right. Well, that wraps us up for the day. Uh, if you guys are listening to this right now Um, come on tonight. It's in just one second is our google hangout for patreon subscribe a six pm Pacific time so we will be there video chatting with you guys and laughing our asses off at whatever you want to talk about Yep, go to facebook.com/watchitcrapins to talk with other listeners and laugh your ass off about what they're posting Um, which we need to just do a show one day with just shit. They post because it's very funny Yeah That is where patreon.com/watchitcrapins that's where you can find our bonus episodes for subscribers our ringtones our google hangouts All that good stuff. This show will remain free twice a week So please don't feel like you have to give anything or whatever. We don't really care Um, but thank you so much to the people who do yeah, and i really come to enjoy doing those bonus episodes as much as this one Yeah, the bonus episodes are getting longer and longer. I think last week it was like an hour Um, this week was about 40 minutes of admitted nonsense And we were really working ourselves up into like three hour days. Sometimes we're going to become radio Radio personalities right when radio dies. It's absurd. Um, so anyway patreon.com/watchitcrapins Um, thank you all so much for the support really appreciate it. Thank you so much to heaven mcdonald Please check out twitter her facebook and go see her show And I guess that's all I have to say anything any less words for you benji Um That's a person. Love you guys. We'll talk to you next time. Bye Bye If you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet The folks behind the side show network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it It's got interviews with comedians like regi wats taught glass lies a slice finger Slicing drab and friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own own benjamin that's me Takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more You don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy There's no need to wait for it anymore Because it's here and it's funny And I love you To the insurance company that spurned me our time together has come to an end. It's not me It's you we both know what i'm talking about 15 minutes ago. I began courting geico It was just the easiest thing i've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance But also the future tiers you were sure to impose my heart and my coverage now belong to geico Sincerely, not yours terra in telly ride geico 15 minutes could save you 15 percent or more on car insurance If you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now By joining wondry plus in the wondry app or on apple podcasts prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music Before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com slash survey Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of sriracha that's living in your fridge or why nearly every house In america has at least one game of monopoly introducing the best idea yet a brand new podcast about the surprising origin stories of the products You're obsessed with listen to the best idea yet on the wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts
