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Find the perfect holiday card for you at Shutterfly.com and start customizing today. - Enjoy 40% off your Shutterfly order with promo code Crap and Sporty and send something meaningful this year. Get free shipping on qualified orders. See site for more details. Is it just me or is TV gotten really complicated? Thankfully, Fylo has changed that for me. One service, all the stuff I need. Fylo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss. Live on networks like A&E, Paramount, Discovery, and TLC. - Classics like The Office, Martin and Friends that I never get sick of and all the incredible originals on AMC+ from Mad Men Hello to Orphan Black. - And don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and rewatch any time for a whole year. - Never miss a minute of shows like The Golden Girls. 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This is like Netflix but it's for magazines. And it's actually better than Netflix because you don't have to wait a year to get the content. You get all the new stuff right away, okay? You're not gonna get it a year later when everybody's already read this. Bruce Jenner thing and he's got a whole new face, okay? You're gonna get it right away. Next issue is the new newsstand. Nextissue.com has all the best, most up-to-date magazines on the newsstand but delivered to your phone or tablet. Check it out, go to nextissue.com/crapins for your free trial. It's all of your favorite magazines anytime, anywhere. Instant and unlimited access to current and back issues all in one place for one price. Plan start as low as $9.99 and hella magazine can be $6 now, that's a good deal. One account can be shared with up to five people. It's making magazines affordable again, guys. You can get over 150 magazines for less than the cost of two magazines at a newsstand. 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I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV and with me is the gorgeous, talented, thin, lovely, co-op and beautifully skinned bin mantelker of the Banta Blender Podcast and B-side blog.com. Hello, Ben. - Oh, hello, Ronnie. How are you? - Oh, Ben. Good, I'm talking a little slower today. Normally I speed through that intro but today our bonus episode was all about the Kenya more pilot life twirls on. - Yeah. - So. - Slowed me down there. - Yeah, if you haven't watched it, you can watch, you can watch their pilot on YouTube and if you can make it through that, then you can just go listen to our bonus episode where we kind of dissect the whole thing and we had fun. You know, Ronnie, this is like two bonus episodes in a row where we really went in on something. Last week we went in on the Avengers and this week on Kenya. - Yeah, I like it. We should pick something new every week. It's really fun to rip apart other things. It's really funny and it's like basically two episodes in a row featuring the Hulk. So that's exciting. - So anyway, you can catch the bonus episodes. Those are premium subscriber things. This podcast is now two times a week and will always remain free so please don't worry about that. - Yes. - But for the bonuses, please go to patreon.com/watchwatchcrapins. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com/watchwatchcrapins. Our bonus episodes are there. Our new bringers are going up this week and they're all real housewives of Atlanta theme to celebrate the ending of that. There's a lot of girls in there this time. So go over there for those. And we'll be doing our Google Hangout soon, I believe, right? - Yeah, probably like next week or the week after. By the way, I also want to mention about the bonus episode. We had like about 20 minutes, 15 or 20 minutes of unaired footage with Michelle Collins from last week. So we just threw that at the end of the bonus episode where basically it's just basically us talking and Michelle, she is funniest when she is just off the cuff, just talking about whatever. So we ask her about being famous now on her shows, you know, the shows that she's actually been on and stuff like that, The View and the VH One, Subtle of Shame, is that what it's called? - No, it's Subtle Bus of Shame. - Shame of the Shuttles. - Walk of Shame Shuttles. - Walk of Shame Shuttles. - And just to speak about Michelle and some of our other friends of the podcast. For people who are in L.A., Michelle has a show at Upright Citizens Brigade on Franklin tomorrow night called "Laws Angeles," Ronnie and I are going. - Yeah, we're there. - We both bought our tickets. So we're gonna be there. And again, if you haven't seen Michelle Collins live, this is just, this is a public service announcement. You really should go, we're not even, this is almost not even up. - She's so, so funny. And that's gonna be really fun to hang out with her. And it's the UCB Franklin, it's not the new one. And tonight we're going to see the "For Crying Out Loud" podcast, yeah, if you listen to this right away. We're gonna be doing the, we're not doing it, we're just going to support it. But we're gonna be watching the "Live for Crying Out Loud" podcast over at "Tinhorn Flats" in Hollywood. - Yeah, and that's at 8 p.m. So come by, if y'all wanna have a drink or something, we'll be there, that's for sure. - Yeah, and so we'd love to throw some support to our friends, but we'd also love to meet some of you guys. - Yeah, so to find, we'll rush through the rest of these plugs, but to find Ben and I on social media, Twitter, et cetera, come to watch whatcraftons.com. All our links are posted there. Also come to Facebook.com/watch whatcraftons to talk shit with us during the week about the shows and other listeners. That page is hilarious, and I'm basically just getting my Bravo news from there now, and I still go to stupid housewives. And that's pretty much it. I don't even need to do any searches anymore. It is all there. Life twirls on is posted there. The new news about Kenya finding out that her millionaire matchmaker match is married on Instagram or something is there. Like, all the good sit there, so just come on over. - And thanks to everybody who's a part of that, 'cause you're hilarious. - Yeah, absolutely. - So we have a lot to discuss today. A lot of shit went down on Bravo this week. The biggest was probably Real Housewives of Atlanta, the Three Power Reunion. Actually it was part three and a half, 'cause this one was an hour and a half, so thanks for that. - Yeah, that was, it was, when my DVR said you'd be 90 minutes, I was like, "Oh, okay." 'Cause normally what it does is it says 90 minutes, but in the last half an hour, is an episode of Watch What Happens that they sneak in there. But I was like, "Oh shit, this really is 90 minutes." - Lord, watch what crappins. I mean, watch what happens. I actually caught a bit of that. Today I was watching Mother Funders today for the show. Oh, by the way, if you're wondering what we're covering today, it's Real Housewives of Atlanta, Blood, Sweatin' Hills, Mother Funders, and Real Housewives of Melbourne. But yeah, after Mother Funders, I was, I just had the TV running and Watch What Happens came on, and P. Diddy was the guest, and Andy was just embarrassing. He's like, "Hey, it's so good to meet you. "I need not meet you. "I mean, I see you everywhere." Last time was at the Met Ball, remember that? And everyone I saw you at the Met Ball, remember? Oh, I love the diamond on your tooth. Oh, don't you love me, Nini? She's so vulnerable now. You like Nini, right? I do too, remember? Yeah, you saw Nini last week? Yeah, I saw her too. I saw at Rihanna's party after the Met Ball. It's like, shut up, shut up. This isn't about you. And P. Diddy, who names a fucking Cologne 3 AM? That is like the worst smell in the world. I don't know what world you live in, but 3 AM does not smell good in most homes, okay? I know, it's 3 AM. It's not eternal for me. It just reminds me of the Matchbox 20 song. 3 AM, and I'm still lonely. ♪ It's lonely ♪ By the way, that was a reference to both KLF and Matchbox 20 in one sentence. And if you don't know who KLF is, well, then I am very sorry. Girl, with 3 AM, I smell like 7, 11 pizza farts, the food bar, and dreams of yesterday is not a good time. No one wants to smell like that, shut up, Diddy. Okay, so anyway, on to Real Housewives of Atlanta. Yeah, so really just one huge thing happened. So I guess we should wait to go to that and start from the beginning is taught. Highlighting on candy. When was the last time you guys had sex? When are you gonna have a baby? Well, what I thought, I mean, so it's funny, I can barely even remember what happened before all the niniest stuff, but I do remember that Andy was asking Todd about his mother's death, but he was just being, I felt very inappropriate. Like he was like, "Hey, so I'm so sorry to hear that. "Miss Sharon, she died." You know, I was like, yeah, Andy. He's like, "Yeah, she died." And like, was she angry? Were you angry about that she died and missed all this? And Todd's like, "Well, you know, "I mean, he just says whatever." And he's like, "Yeah." He's like, "So did you speak to Phaedra "to get any expertise on her getting buried and stuff?" I was like, "Andy, that is such a..." You know, it was like such a... The comment came from like, "I thought a very nasty place." It was like, he's almost making a joke. He was making a joke about Phaedra's like, mortuary experience and also Miss Sharon's death. I was like, "Ugh." And he was making Miss Sharon's death about the housewives. Were you mad that Mama Joyce, you know, were you mad about Mama Joyce when your mom died? Yeah, that's what he was thinking when his fucking mom died, Andy, okay? Yeah. Yeah, and Todd tells a very sad story about like how he called and he was getting nervous. Then he called a neighbor, the neighbor checked in and she'd been on the kitchen floor, you know, kitchen floor. I mean, it's a terrible thing. It's a horrible thing. Andy's like, "Have you had your boobs done, Todd?" And when? Don't lie to me, I can tell. Your boobs look great, Todd. He's like, "Do you think that right before she died, "do you think she was watching Top Chef?" It's like, it's just like... 'Cause she was in the kitchen, you know? You know, your mom had you. Did she have baby weight like Gail Simmons because she lost it? How long did your mom take lose her baby weight before she died? It was like, "Shut up! "What are you talking about, Tom?" Oh, it was like a really, it really rubbed me the wrong way. I was like, very not happy about it. Well, that was super rude and it was also awkward because his previous question was, when was the last time you had sex? Like, it's like, why are we skipping from that to your mom being dead? And then they're talking about a baby. And Todd's like, why aren't they even considering having a baby? They're a horrible couple. They need to get a divorce. And why are they talking about having a baby? Todd just wants somebody else his height in that house. He does not want a baby. - Yeah, and then what about the fact? I liked also, I think when you asked, right before you asked, are you guys still having sex? And he's like, I mean, I hope you don't mind me asking, but like, Andy, since when are you all of a sudden you decide to be demure and you're gonna proceed a question, but I hope you don't mind me asking. You've asked everyone about like their boobs. You're like, oh, did you get your boobs done? Like, I have to, like, you are the nisiest motherfucker. And I know it's your job, but then all of a sudden to act like suddenly you have a little bit of like. - Yeah, well, that's what was funny. He's like, let's talk about your dead mom. And then let's talk about the prenup from like two seasons ago, whatever. Why are we still talking about that? Why are you still mad, Todd? Are you still mad? And then he asks about Candy's boob job. Who, Candy has the best answer ever. She's like, listen, I just got fat. The end, I love Candy. Hate Todd, yeah. - Love Candy. But the best part of this segment to me was Preacher Gregg coming through 'cause all the husbands were still on the couch. And Todd's like, yeah, it was real sad 'cause my mom died. And then, you know. - And Gregg's like, listen, I called him. I understand what it feels like when your mom died. 'Cause both of my parents died. And here's what I did. It's like, Gregg, you're 90 years old, okay? Your parents died before the telephone was invented. This is not the same thing as a young man losing his mother. Please stop trying to relate. And back up, your purse is hitting me in his shoulder. Stop it. - Oh my God, shut up. - He's like, flaws are like headlights. - Yeah, they turn off night. - Thoughts? He said thoughts, right? He said flaws. - Oh, no wonder. I was like, what is he talking? I thought he said thoughts are like headlights. You can only see other people's. - I was like, what? How can you see other people's thoughts? - When it's really dark and they make their flaws brighter, you get blinded and you crash your car. (laughing) - I'm trying to get to just the mirror. So that way it doesn't get in your eyes. People's flaws. - And then under flaws are that. - And then under flaws are the headlights. In the phone, you crash into a woman that hurt real bad, but then you call Gaco. Because that's what your mother told you to get. Before she died horribly in 1920, I'm like, shut up. I'm like, wait. - Sometimes one of your flaws goes out and a cop will pull you over from having a flaw out. And you say, well, sir, I know my flaw is out, but isn't that good? I have one last flaw. The cop says, no, here's a ticket. So you got your flaw fixed and then everyone sees your flaws again. - Stupid, great. - Stupid. - And the only thing I can think is, you know, the guy is old, he likes telling stories and Nini was always sitting on his lap. So it was a perfect match. - Yeah. - So thoughts are, so flaws are like headlights. I'm so glad you said that 'cause I wrote thoughts and I came into this very confused. So let's see, Nini and Cynthia. Okay, didn't we already talk about this? Like some of these things. Some of these things. I feel like he's already talked about them. Why is he bringing it up again? It's like when the police are questioning someone they know is guilty and they just keep questioning them to see if there's flaws in their story. Of course there's flaws in their story. They're all lying, okay? - Yeah, the fact that we had to like go through this again where it's like, well, you know, I said this and then that didn't really, like I said this and I guess that didn't sit well with Nini. So then she said this and that didn't sit well with me but then just, but you know what was funny if I'm remembering correctly, what seems to have started this entire thing was when Cynthia said about, you remember Noel last season had like a little boyfriend or something like that. And she said something about like, well, I just, you know, something along the lines of that, I just don't want to be a grandmother. Like I don't want Noel to have underage sex and then I'm a grandmother. And that bothered Nini because of course, Nini interpreted it, 'cause I just say interpreted. It was like interpreted it, she basically took it as that was a dig about the fact that Nini was a grandmother, right? Isn't that what we're to infer about that? - I guess, but Cynthia's like 10 years-- - 'Cause it didn't sit the Nini, but it doesn't even matter 'cause according to Nini, that didn't sit well with her. And the only reason why I wouldn't sit well is because Nini is a grandmother and she of course takes it as a dig but of course she would take it as a dig 'cause she's narcissistic and stupid. I don't care what Dr. Jeff said and we'll get to that but Cynthia's comment was not, had nothing to do with Nini but so Nini got mad. So then Nini responds by saying something shady somewhere I forget as an interview or in a blog or something and then World War III happens. - Well, their arguments were so funny. First, Cynthia's story, getting Cynthia to tell a story, I mean Jesus Christ, she's just that neighbor who won't shut up. It's like, how was your day? Well, oh, then I hit a speed bump and oh, have you seen the trash in the streets? It's like shut up. You're just supposed to say yes and go back into your apartment. You know what I mean? Cynthia, shut up. It was like, and then this happened and then that happened and they made up and they went to Vegas together and they had fun but then Nini was like laughing at dinner but then went upstairs and wrote her bravo blog and was mean to Cynthia in it and Cynthia's like, what the hell? I thought we were friends and you're writing shit about me and then coming back downstairs and wanting to play the nickel machines, which is true. You know, I would be pissed too but then it turns into, you know, Nini tried to get Cynthia fired 'cause she went on watch what happens and said that if she was gonna fire anybody, Cynthia doesn't bring anything to the show, which is true. And then Cynthia got her back by saying something about like how Malls are old fashioned and Nini loves Malls. It's like, oh my God, please just take your job. I think I'm talking about. You had nothing to talk about on camera while you were friends and you have nothing to talk about while you're not. Move along. You know what? You know what, if I can quote Dr. Phil from his landmark special with Kim Richards, when Dr. Phil told Kim Richards, everything with the dog is just the battleground for deeper issues. I think that that's what's happening here because they basically threw out their entire friendship over some like some petty bullshit on some blogs, et cetera. And so they are, they clearly had some problems. I mean, if you're gonna bring Dr. Phil into this, the main question needs to be, and this happened in a bar, in a bar, in a bar. In a bar, see if I was Nini in Las Vegas, in a bar. Were you drunk when you wrote that blog? Were you drunk? Were you sitting in a bar? Did you just have a paint bucket full of vodka, Nini? (laughing) Okay, so then it turns to how they'll never forgive each other and Nini will say hi, you know, just if she sees her in a restaurant, then that's fine. She's there and Nini's there too, and that's it. The end. What Nini blogged in Vegas. Uh, Phaedra. That was a long story, girl. I don't care what Phaedra does. I don't care if Phaedra comes on camera and chops off a baby's head and drinks his blood out of a like a plastic cup. I will still love her. Yeah, that was a long story, girl. Damn. Let's see, Portia, oh, okay. Then it, okay. Then it became, is Portia a whore now? That she's not with her controlling gay husband. And she answers, no, my shorts just got a rip. So I had to take them off and, you know, so I danced around. And Andy's like, well, did you see Selma? Because your grandfather was actually a part of that. And she had to talk about how she got to, you know, march with her grandfather and how proud she is. This is in the same segment as the whore segment, by the way. And Andy's like, do you think your father would be upset? Please, you know Martin Luther King and those guys loved whores. Like, that's not, that's like a huge, you know, that's a huge controversy that was happening back in that day. But I don't think her father would have been disappointed her grandfather. But also, I'm not gonna touch back comments. I'm not gonna touch back comments. I think you may have just alienated 95% of our audience. Well, didn't. Was that in trouble for like sleeping with other women? MLK that MLK liked whores. Well, hold on. Okay, okay, I take it back. I take it back before anyone yells at me. I heard that though. I think you better take that back pretty quickly. What other movie was that in? Where he wouldn't show up to someone's event 'cause it wasn't big enough? Remember, he was like a character in someone's thing and they were having this march of some kind and he wouldn't come 'cause it wasn't big enough and they alluded to the fact that he had affairs, didn't he? Is that all in my head? Oh my God, now I'm so nervous. I don't know, you may just be thinking about another episode of Real Housewives of America. I probably think it's, I've got him confused with Peter. Cheated on his wife and other lesser things. Okay, so he cheated, but it was no big deal. Yeah, that was harsh. I didn't even mean to say that about the whore thing. I was just gonna say, I think Porsche was probably confused about how they weren't playing bridge. She's like, my grandfather took me to a bridge thing and we never even played cards. We just kept walking and walking. So he did it on his wives and other lesser known facts about, yeah, who cares? It didn't say with horse though. He just cheated on his wife. And who doesn't, don't slut, don't slut shame those women who got to sleep with him. Okay, okay, sorry about that. I'll take it back, I'll take it back. So anyway, 'cause by the way, if you're ever gonna be someone's jump off, like that's the guy to be, that's like the one. It's like, sure, I may have been his mistress, but I was the mistress to a world like a historical figure. Like Trump's everything, Trump's everything. So good for them. - Oh, God. - That's what I would want. If I'm gonna have an affair with someone, I want it to be that someone's gonna be in the history books. (laughing) - Yeah, do not like, guys. - Not like, you know, some third string person on like the Atlanta Hawks. So, I mean, I'm just being truthful here. I mean, I think everyone's entitled to get a little nooky. So, and why not have it be from someone from a, you know, I mean, that's like bragging rights, guys. That's like real bragging rights that normal ever will give you. - You guys, whoever just got mad at me about Martin Luther King, you know you're out there and you know you're about to write me an nasty letter, I would like to say that Jackie Kennedy calls out Martin Luther King Jr. as a sex pest. - Okay. And a man. - Well, I think she of all people, I mean, that's projection. I think if we've ever heard of production than Jackie Kennedy. - Jackie Kennedy is not a whore. - Well, but for her to call MLK as being a sex pest, is that what you said? - Yeah, sex pest. Like he's basically, she's saying he was a man horse. So I guess he was the horse. - She's projecting because she doesn't want to face issues in her own damn marriage. I love this that we're getting into now like a real, we're getting into like the real housewives of 1960s. - 'Cause I feel so bad. Okay. - Like how about, how about, how about, how about Nixon. (laughing) How about. - Sleeping with horse comes with the job. Okay, that's why we get into politics. That's why I'm running for mayor of West Hollywood. (laughing) - I like this. Let's talk about that agnew. Let's talk about all that. - Oh God, let's just pretend that the next, the last 10 minutes did not happen and just keep moving on. So then we skip to. - Yeah, let's get into it. - Pick a like cruise chap 'cause we know who he's been sleeping with. (laughing) - So then we move on to Puerto Rico. - Yeah. - And we get to see this fight again. And I forgot about some of this fight because A, that's when Claudia earned her peach. So that was amazing. Because she went after Nini and actually made Nini speechless. Like Nini couldn't even fight. She had to leave because she had nothing else she could even say. But also very college educated. Oh my God. - Yeah, well Andy asked, can the why she thinks that Claudia won that? And Claudia was like. - See? - Nah, I'm not like fast like that. I'm not like, right with the comebacks. But like, see, she was like. Oh, it's so, I was like, huh. And so I was like, shoot mom. (laughing) - I'm Barrett college educated. I just keep writing college educated. When I like something, I just keep writing it over and over. Like a kid in trouble. Then we get a preview for Secrets and Wives. So Wives Bravo now just changing the name of real housewives. They're just gonna come up with hundreds of new names for these shows. It's the same shit. - It's like TJ Maxx and Marshall's, you know? It's all owned by the same people. It sells the same shit. But there's like some minor like brand differentiation. Well, anyway, so what's actually really important about this segment is that Andy seemingly calls out Nini for accusing Claudia of being a quote unquote, half breed. And Andy reads this very long comment from someone and being like, it was really, you know, it was offensive, et cetera. - Oh yeah, I didn't even write that. I was glued to the TV. I didn't even write that part. So this whole thing where really calls out Nini being like, you know, you should know, like, this is terrible. How could you say this on TV, blah, blah, blah, as a black woman, all that stuff? Everything that everyone was thinking. So Nini was like, well, you know, I said it in the heat of the moment 'cause I was gonna hurt her. So she's like, but to anyone I apologize, which is already bullshit, just to say, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, anyone I've offended, I wanna say I wholeheartedly apologize. I did not mean to offend you, you know, like blah, blah, blah. I'm probably have, you know, this half that, like I'm very, very sorry. And it's like, you wanna apologize to Claudia? Well, no, because it was in the middle, it was the heat of the battle. And, you know, you know, I don't apologize 'cause she was cool with it. So I don't apologize to her. I was like, wow, you are just a creepin', you were just a vile offensive woman and it just showed that she's not apologetic at all. - Yeah, no, she's not apologetic. - Apologies should not have been, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. It should have been like, I'm sorry that I said it because it's offensive language and it like turns the clock back on so many fronts. And it suggests that it's okay to say that stuff. And I'm sorry that I offended people, I'm sorry that I said it. And I shouldn't have said it in the first place. That's what the apologies should have been. - But she can never do that. That was her gay apology too, which, you know, this is the second gay thing I've complained about today 'cause I went off on something in the bonus episode too and I really do not care all that much. Like, I'm not one of, I'm not a precious gay. But this is how she was with the gay thing too. - Who are precious? - When she said that, whatever gay thing she said. And then Andy was, you know, 'cause Andy will demand an apology for all the gays if you say anything gay, you know. And he's had to a couple of times with her for gay comments and she was saying, well, you know, whatever, whoever's offended, whatever. You know, she never apologized, she don't care. - Well, she does that bullshit where she says, you know, I apologize once. Like, how many more times, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just me, I just apologize. But you know if the table's returned, she would never accept the sort of apologies that she gets. - Yeah. - If that she gives out, I should say. - It really, really was like a very low moment, I thought. And then it just continued to get lower, I thought, as the, as the, as we got into the last half an hour. - I want to just say, because I'm feeling so guilty about Martin Luther King, I feel terrible. - It was Boulevard's named after him. - Ronnie, I think hopefully everyone knows that you were caught up in the moment. - I know, but what's wrong with me? 'Cause I never apologized and now I can't stop. And also now I'm looking on snopes. And it says, one of King's closest friends, Reverend Ralph Abernathy, wrote a book in 1989 in which he talked about King's obsession with white prostitutes. King would often use church donations to have drunken sex parties where he would hire a two to three. Oh, wow, this is getting, this is getting worse, actually. - All right, blame Abernathy, all right. Blame Reverend Abernathy, I'm dropping it. - Well, Ronnie, if you're feeling guilty, why don't you show Nini Leaks how one should apologize? - Listen, Martin Luther King, I'm sorry that you're upset and I'm also sorry that you're so damn defensive. Okay, the end, I said I was sorry if I offended anyone who likes quote unquote Martin Luther King, I'm sorry. - I'm sorry, okay, love your speeches though. Okay, so where were we? - I think Ronnie had a nightmare, not a dream. He's going through a nightmare right now. - Okay, I'm letting it go, I'm letting it go. So following this very important discussion on race and mothers dying and broken friendships, we have a segment of Andy talking with everybody about their boobs. Because, you know, that's what's important. - Yeah, he's like everyone's boobs. - He's like, "Your boobs are on fleek. "I love your boobs, I can't stop staring at your boobs. "Why your boobs, look at your boobs, "look at your boobs, wow Nini, look at your boobs." - I really enjoy that like our connection cut off while you were saying, "Bibs, bibs, bibs." (laughing) Skyf is like, "Disconnect, who are you kidding?" (laughing) - Well, so Andy, yeah, Andy does the boob thing. And then can we get to the doctor Jeff stuff? - Yeah, wait, let's see here. Kenny and Portia, I like when Andy is like, so I guess all that praying didn't work, Dan, that you guys had? - Okay, nods at her own shit, clips, Nini a victim, nodding it. - Well, I love that Andy says that. I love he's like, so I guess all that praying didn't stick. So yeah, no shit Sherlock, you just like air all this stuff they're saying behind shows back, you make them write these blogs and then you force them onto this reunion where they have to like relive all this awful stuff. Of course it doesn't stick, you're the one who's tearing it apart. - Yeah, he was like, "Aww, what happened?" - "You happened, you did." - Yeah, I learned it by watching you Andy. - I learned it by watching you. - So they bring out Dr. Jeff, who, I mean, God bless this guy, I don't have any faith in him as a counselor or a psychologist or whatever, but you know what? I mean, that takes some patience to not go postal and just start smacking some bitches 'cause he's one of the most patient people I've ever seen in my life. - Yeah, him with, watching him with Nini leaks, it was like hermit in his piggy, you know, like just in terms of like the size difference. It was like little Kermit in big miss piggy. And he was also sort of sitting there like Kermit. He's had his arm awkwardly around her and he's like, "Nini, I have your back." I was just, I was like, all right. I was like already upset that Dr. Jeff was making concessions for her. - Oh God, he came on totally licking her butt. And the setup was just hilarious because they made him sit right next to her and she was leaning away like he was disgusting. Like completely bent over the couch, trying to get away with him, looking at him like he had stink. And then they show the clip of her saying, "Well, you better worry about your license is what you should be worried about." So basically threatening his license. And then Andy asks her and she says, "You know, the whole thing was he came at it as what is your problem with Nini?" And then she goes through her version of events, which bitch, you know this was on TV and it's taped, right? And we can see this in clips where she's saying, "Yeah, you know, all these other people got to talk about their issues in their past with their mothers. And you know, this one has a mother that didn't love her. And this one has, you know, a husband who's not signing up or whatever it was. This one is a grandpa who's dead. Wha, wha, wha, no one cares about me and my problems." - And then meanwhile, by the way, two things that I thought were noteworthy before the big breakdown happened. I mean, Candy was the one being like, "Oh, see now, I remember that like she was going off like before the session even started." And they show a flashback of the fact that like, when Dr. F is like, "I am here to represent all of you." She's like, "You don't know me like that." It was like, so it was like, Candy was right. And then on top of that, even Portia, this is Portia who thinks the Underground Railroad is an actual subway system. She says, "Well, I was under the impression that like we were going to go through all of us and we just hadn't got to us. We just started with you." - Yeah, we went down the line and we asked everybody and then everybody was saying, "The Nini." And then the next person was saying, "The Nini." And then the next person was like, "You know why? Because Nini's the fucking problem." - Yeah, but even Portia understood how the therapy session was going to go. And for Nini to act like it was gang up on her, it's like, "No, it wasn't, you may have felt ganged up, but you were just first in line. Everyone was going to get their shit." - Yeah, Nini, oh my God. And Portia's like, "All we really need to do is what my grandfather would do. Get around the table and play some bridge." (laughing) "I've got some bridge mix." - Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. - Audible's extensive catalog is short to have titles that you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. - There's more to imagine when you listen and one title that I've been listening to is my friend Neil J. Young's coming out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. - As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. - New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. - We're back to tell you more about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit, stream max with ads included at no extra cost. - You know what's a great night for us? Ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the max original hacks. - Which won best comedy, deservedly so, and we love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart, but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu, who also is a huge Bravo fan. - Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks, but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza, sometimes it's a salad and I can get both with DoorDash. - How about some ice cream? That's what I like to eat with my hacks. - 100% I will double dash. I will get a salad and then double dash some ice cream. Why not? - Sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. - It's your door to more. - Max has now included with your dash pass annual plan. Stream max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. - Terms apply, see doorDash.com/max4 details. - Some are players gonna be there. 'Cause as we watch with the bridge with Soma, Soma. - That's one thing I never knew about my grandfather. He knew Soma. - How does he know Patty and Soma thought they were cartoons? - Wow, cool intentions, am I right? (laughing) - So then this becomes Nini's performance of her career with her glitter kit hanging out of her jacket by the way while she's turning in this performance. Her nipple is literally on the floor. - Yeah, like everyone kept on saying this is such a breakthrough for Nini. I think that meant literally for her boob breaking through that blazer. It was like that thing was breaking through the fibers of the carpet. Okay, that thing was like trying to bust through the floor of the hotel. - So Nini starts talking about like, well she has problems, she has a mother and then everyone starts talking to them, sympathetically and kissing her ass saying like, well, you know, we're a lot alike, 'cause my mom left me too, or Cynthia's like, you know, whether we're friends or ex-friends, like I've always appreciated all that you've done and you've come over across, you've done so much, you've come over so many issues and everyone's like, well, you do so much. You need da da da da da. The only one who wasn't doing that was Candy who's sitting there like giving these looks like this is the most ridiculous bullshit I've ever seen. - Well, and Claudia, Claudia looked like she wanted to kill herself. - Well, but even Claudia, well Claudia said something sort of nice where she's like, I feel like, you know, we could off-camera, we could maybe like, cry and be friends or maybe she said that afterwards. But, so then Nini starts like shaking, convulsing, you know. - Because, of course, she's probably had a bad taco. - You know, Nini came in here and she was like, why is Kenny getting all this attention about her mother abandoning her? My mother sent me off to live with my nieces and why is this girl crying about her mother abandoning her? Well, my mother abandoned, first of all, what's with all the mothers abandoning their children? Mother, stop it. Stop it, okay? Get in a borsion or take care of your child. Like, don't be just abandoning your child. Like, make a decision. Anyway, she's like, oh my mother, my mother, blah, blah, blah. And then these women are so funny because they all try and bring it back around to their storyline. Kenya, who hates Nini and rolled her eyes the entire, you know, half the time Nini was gone and Kenya thought the cameras were on her. She looked furious that this was happening. But then when she thinks she's on camera, she's like, Nini, we have so much in common. We didn't even know. I mean, look at my situation. And with my, it's like Kenya, okay, we got it. That's where she brought it up to take away from your situation and Kenya's not gonna let her. And then it becomes the battle of whose mother was more painful. - Yeah, and she's like, I wasn't even coming for you when I first came on the show. I thought we had a genuine friendship. And then that was the moment where Nini started to like, cry and lose it. And then was like, I can't, I can't. So then Nini leaves, she's like breaking down. She's, she's bawling. She's out of control. She used to do her makeup and this and that. And people are hugging her and Cynthia goes after her and Fager and everyone. And Cynthia is like, of course, they're giant wig is being ridiculous. And they're all hugging her. And then Dr. Jeff is like, Cynthia, your pain. I'm sorry, Nini, your pain is your power. And right now you were, you were flying before and now you're soaring. Now you're just above the mountain. I'm like, what? Just 'cause she cried. I'm like, I understand, I understand that she like, for sure, let her wall down for a moment there and that she was letting herself be vulnerable. But to what effect? All she did was let herself be vulnerable. She didn't like learn anything from it. All that happened. - I'm vulnerable. She is a typical fucking bully. - She was. I agree. - You get them in a corner and suddenly they're a victim and then blah, blah, blah. My mommy this, my mommy that. Well, guess what? A lot of people had shitty lives and they don't act like that woman. You're in a jolt. Grow the fuck up. - Yeah, I don't. - And also, this was kind of her storyline in season one. Wasn't it? Kelly Big Red pointed this out on our Facebook. - Yeah, she went to it. - Nini, who can never talk about it. And he would never speak about it. This was like her season one storyline. - Well, season one was about her dad. This was about her mom. But the thing is that like, she, you know, I'm not gonna take away the fact that she has some real issues with her mom. And that's like legit, like her issues are legit. Does she act like a monster though? Yes. And so, okay, I do think that the sobbing, I mean, I think that she, I agree with you. Total bully was corner and starts to cry. I do think that some of the sobbing was, came from like a real place. But I, well, but I don't get, and what I did not agree with was how afterwards when they brought her back when they were like, well, that was a breakthrough. Wow, this is like a new Nini. Like you're soaring now. She's not doing any of that bullshit. All she did was cry. She, she, they, they got to a place. She did feel vulnerable. They, they got to a place, but there was no evidence of any personal growth there. There was no evidence. She never admitted to doing anything wrong. She never apologized to anybody. All the only bravery I saw was walking back to set wearing 10 foil issues. That's the only thing brave I saw. I was like, she can cut her feet like that. The only thing brave was that she was going to this moment like basically with tits out, you know? Like it was like a very strong like Mulan Rouge therapy moment. And I think that like she, there was, I didn't think there was any sense of self-awareness. I think there was just like, okay, she let, she let people in for a moment, which was nice. But. She never let anybody in because we never got to say anything. She just like sat there and like cried so that they couldn't confront her about anything else. But basically that was like securing decent tweets for the next six months. Yeah, and they all, they all bowed down. And everyone said, this was a breakthrough. But like, I don't understand what made it a breakthrough. Nothing. Nini showed some emotion. Who cares? It was all fake and she was doing it for the fucking cameras as usual. She's an awful fucking human being. She called someone a half breed. Didn't even have an apology. Fuck her. Fuck her. You know, some people when they break down, then that's followed by an epiphany of like, I guess I like, oh my God, I guess I do push away everyone. And I guess I do do this. And I guess I'm not really willing to look at my faults because the truth is, I can't look at my faults without like remembering my mother or some bullshit like that. She didn't even say that. No, she was just sat there and she cried. Yeah, no, I'm very misunderstood. Oh yeah, you're fucking misunderstood, really? When you call people whores and cows and half breeds, that's not being misunderstood, bitch. Okay, we know English. Yeah, it's like those serial killers. Like, you know, every serial killer finds Jesus on death row. They like, they all become these Jesus freaks because it's going to give them some points with the judge when they go when they go get their retrial or whatever, they get their death sentence hearing or whatever the hell it is. It's like, no, Susan Sarandon, Sean Pence fucking killed people. The end. Okay, take your fingers off that glass. I'm so glad that Jesus forgave him. And I'm glad that you forgave him, but he's going to die because he killed people. Get the fuck over it. That's just how it is, stupid to me. Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, it really, really, really bothered me and that Dr. Jeff was saying things like, well, you know what's happened in Nini's life is that she has helped people become successful and then they've turned their backs on her. I'm like, what are you talking about? It's like that fat bitch from Dance Moms. Like you did not bring anybody to Sierra, okay? That's not how, that's not how, or Sierra. That's not how any of this happened. Okay, Nini, you were on a reality show and other people became famous, more famous than you at the time anyway. And you got jealous and pissed and dumped them as friends and called them slave owners, okay? Yeah, exactly. Like you did not make it but famous. You did not, like maybe you helped them get on the show. That's fine, but you know what though? One thing that you do when you like help someone in life is that like a good person, and I'm not saying I'm necessarily this good person either, but a good person doesn't ask for something in return. Well, not only that, but she got, you know, people like Kim and Sheray, she got them on the housewives originally 'cause Nini was the person who, I guess she was like the point person housewife. So she did get all the people on that show and they admitted it, but the thing is, they did her a favor by making it a successful show. They were good. Yeah, it's not like Nini was left behind. It's not like Nini was left behind. She still wound up more successful than all those women. So for her to still be like holding on to this issue, like I made them successful and then they like, shut the door on me. It's like no. They made themselves successful. Kim made herself, you tried to tear her down at any chance you got when Kim had that song you called her a hum singer and said she was terrible. And all this shit behind her back when you were supposed to be her friend, you did everything you could to derail her. You always did everybody on the show. You still make sure you buy Sheray jokes or whatever, which who doesn't because I mean, they're amazing. You're a fucking bitch, shut up. You didn't do anything for anybody as usual. You give nothing to anybody, but yourself, you fucking cow, shut up. Yeah, I really was like, I really was not happy with having to sit through a half an hour of like Nini asking, I mean, she's just so lacking. The best was at the end. Nini's sobbing and she's had this huge breakthrough. She is, her ass is like, there's a puddle on her seat from the licks that everybody has given her ass, okay? Especially Dr. Jeff, what a fucking fool. He needs to not be in practice 'cause he's never gonna tell the truth. But anyway, after all of this is extended preview to make Nini a victim again, she goes, and he says anything else for Dr. Jeff before we send him back to his dog crate and Nini's like, now Dr. Jeff, would you have done things differently in that therapy session? That's still what she cares about. She's still wants an apology from the fucking therapist about victimizing her in therapy. Basically she learned nothing. And you know, his ass kissing answer is probably the best he could give. - I know that a good therapist needs to make his clients happy. You know, when I was a checker at Target and people would come back with holy underwear that they've worn before, it's not my job to confront them about it and match the imprint to their butt. It's my job to take their money, give it back to them and make sure that they spend it in the Target again. It's like, shut the fuck up, customer service. Terrible. - Yeah, yeah. It makes me mad, it makes me mad. I think we have to just move on 'cause I'm just getting furious. - You are, do it, do it. I dare you. - Yeah, my last note was, would you do this counseling session differently? And I just wrote, bitch, please, no. And then that's it, that's all I had to. - Yeah. - So would you rather, lest you will have, so I said Melbourne, I need something light then? - I know, well, can we actually, can we talk about mother funders really quickly? Not like a lot, but just a little bit. - Oh, sure. - I hated it. - You did, I laughed so hard. Well, I watched the first, I guess, 10 minutes of it last night, and I was laughing, laughing, laughing, and I stopped it 'cause I thought, well, I'll take better notes tomorrow. But then I didn't laugh today, it got on my nerves after I put some minutes. - For the record, it was a preview special, so don't everyone get worried that you're missing a new show. - Yeah. - What I hated about it was, it was just too fake. It felt like something that should have been on the lifetime. It was just, it was, you know, I know all these shows are scripted to a certain degree, but this was a far cry from Game of Crowns, which was sort of had that same kind of like vibe of like picture perfect ladies acting terribly. This one was, it bothered me, I didn't like any of the characters. I thought the main, the main woman was annoying, and her big rival, this white woman, was so over the top, it was like she, like she should have been fired, she made the entire thing seem fake. They had this feud. There was a, the vice president, she seemed pretty cool, and the rest is just like not what it should have been. Like, I hated this show with a passion, and you know, we'll cover it if it's what we have to cover, but I'm not gonna like it, I'm not gonna like it. - Well, I didn't hate it as much as you did. I was laughing really hard at first, from just like random things. They're like talking about how much they care about their kids, and then I was like, are they bobbing apples from a keg? On which later wasn't a keg, but that's how I started the show. I was like, okay, I think I'm gonna love this show. Welcome to Locust Gruff, where the mothers are very serious about raising funds, and then you know Carla the president's very serious, 'cause she's rolling a suitcase into school. I'm like, bitch, what paperwork do you have in there? - I don't know, it was a little bit bad, but I did like certain parts. Like, she was surprised I didn't sell all my tickets. She's also surprised I didn't pull a unicorn out of my ass, but part of me likes it because I grew up in that world. My mom was, you know, one of those mothers, and she was fighting with all the other mothers, and I remember the power struggle of like, who's president, and you know, what's that bitch doing? And they would make every, and by the way, I went to a Christian school, and every fundraiser, like our Halloween fundraiser, couldn't be for Halloween, so it was like, all Saints Day, where you're celebrating Saints that have died, and aren't the Satan, you know, aren't Satan who are trying to make you overeat and be gay. So I remember all that stuff, so maybe I'm bringing my own experience into it, but I'm ready for Ronda to rip someone a new asshole. That's my mom. - I think that my problem with it is that, I see what you're saying, and I think that the PGA, or the PTO, is like a great world for like a reality TV show, I think it would be hilarious, but I think what makes the PTA so funny is that traditionally what's the perception of the PTA is it's a whole bunch of passive aggressive backstabbing. It's like quiet murmurs, and like unhappy, like women who then like sit there with smiles, and they talk shit about each other afterwards, and they plot and they scheme, and this one was just so over the top, like the screaming, and the woman, she has like standing at a podium, I don't believe that in a real PTA meeting, someone stands at a podium. It was just, it felt like very raucous, like it was trying to fit in with like a reality TV model, and I think it would have been a lot funnier if it was truly like cameras flying the wall, like with a real PTA situation. - Yeah. - And, but of course that's, you know, networks don't believe we would wanna watch that, and I would love that, where maybe the first episode even feels slightly slow, but with every subsequent episode, you get to know these women, and they are simmering issues with each other, start to really just come out. I mean, honestly, that's what Game of Crowns, Game of Crowns was so funny, and Game of Crowns was sort of like that too. I mean, the women would fight, but they would, it didn't feel-- - It was silly, but they took, they-- - They didn't go from zero to six, yeah. - Even if it was scripted, even if it was scripted in the way that like today, we're gonna have lunch, and you guys are gonna talk about your age, like even if it's scripted in that way, those women were really into that world, like they were, whether the show was scripted or not, those bitches are not kidding. I mean, that dentist with the joker face was not joking around, like those were real people. - Yeah, it felt like a one, it felt like mother funders went from zero to 60 immediately, it was like, boom, they're screaming at the PTA meeting, and it just didn't feel real, whereas with Game of Crowns, they were like all nice and icy to each other, which was hilarious, but then they'd say shit, and then eventually, they'd say, they'd talk shit about each other over the course of the episode, and then eventually, in the first episode, it bubbles over to where two women are fighting in Tucson about learning the same jumpsuit, and like it's hilarious, it's so hilarious. - This one, I liked the first five minutes because it was just showing the characters really fast, and I mean, that shit was funny, but most of the women they have on it are very funny, and it is very southern too, it's like the woman breastfeeding a five year old or whatever that was under a blanket, like what is natural, it is not natural, you're not a slurpee machine, get that thing fucking off of you, oh my God, it's old enough to do math, get it off of your tit. You know, stuff like that was very funny, or when she showed up to the formal fundraiser wearing like a ribbon clip in her hair, like there are certain like southern things that I just love so much, but after they got past the initial characters, they made 20 minutes of it about these two women fighting over control, over something that no one gives a shit about, and why are you the president after seven years, like are your kids even in school, what are you doing, get out of here, I don't know. - I mean, the building's like, we have enough shows with women screaming and fighting, I just kind of want to see real moms dealing with each other, you know, I was excited for that, but the building blocks of a good story are there, you know, you have a one woman who's a tyrant, you have one woman who is like her bitter rival, but they need her 'cause she earned, she raises money, and then that woman's gonna bring in her friend who's left it all behind, but it's gonna come in and maybe like challenge the tyrant to take over, and they're gonna, and they have a goal to raise money, it's actually the building blocks to what would actually be a really good movie, but it's just- - Well, I'm hoping it was just bad editing because it might've just been that they said, you know, take that one fight and make it the whole thing, because if the whole thing is just those two women screaming at each other fakely, I don't care. - Yeah, it just, it didn't feel good, I did enjoy the moment where two women were fighting, and that one fat lady was like, she's mad and she's mad, and I'm thinking- - This is a good sandwich. (laughing) - Yeah, the moms on it seemed very funny, the lead two are the ones who seem- - Yeah, who's an awful- - The vice president, see the vice president, she seems like a real person, so like, I was like down with her, you know? And then the blonde one who's like new to it, she was also entertaining. - Yeah, she's the first meeting one, she's hilarious, she's like, I just wanted to get out of my house, and then they show her big fat husband standing around in a row ball day, it's like, I've escaped too, you know, those are the women I want to see, that just want to- - But I guarantee- - States are lives, and go to PTO for fun, and to get drunk on front of you in the back. - Yeah, I feel like actually this show, and of course I'll wait to see what the actual main show is like, but this is sort of show where they should not have been so outwardly reality show-ish, I think they should have been like, Bravo should have changed up a little bit, they should have pulled back the cameras, put them on the wall, and just have it be like, almost in the vibe of like a waiting for government, like it shouldn't like a slow burn, and if it were on like IFC, it probably would have been like that. - Yeah, it just seems to be a comedy, not a drama, because you know, I get that the argument would be, well don't mess with the formula, right? But you have to mess with it, the ratings for housewives are all tanking, you're coming out with new housewives shows and naming them different things, obviously your formula is kind of- - Are the ratings for tanking for housewives? - Yeah, they're going down, I mean, I don't know if they're tanking, but they're definitely on a downward spiral, they're not very high, they're not as high as they once were, they're going down, that's why they're coming up with new shows and making them housewives, but calling them different names, you know? - Well either way, this one felt to me like a crappy show that would be on Wii or Lifetime, it did not feel, it just felt all wrong, and I am like- - That's so good, the first 10 minutes loved it, and then the next one I was like, was I high? And yes, I was, but- - Well that makes sense. - I should be able to laugh at the same thing sober. - We'll keep an eye on it, we'll check in again in June and see if the premiere episode is better. - Because it's just that opening, with that opening, how could it not be amazing? Like choo-choo, welcome to the tank of Lucas Grove. - I'm telling you, I was like, how is this not amazing? - Listen, I have a pretty big threshold for a shit like this, I mean, I was a big fan of Big Ridge Atlanta, which was so beyond scripted, but it cracked me up, like the fights on that cracked me up, but this one, I was like, nope, nope, nope. - Well, I'm just hoping it was some bad editing and that it's gonna really be good, but I don't know. I think they should just follow the breastfeeding mom around 'cause I like her the best. Ribbon clip-ons. - Yeah. - All right, well let's go on to Melman. - That, let's move on to, and also didn't, weren't Lucas like a sign of the end of the world in the Bible? - I know, I was like, what a terrible name. - Yeah. - It's all like, how awful. - Satan has our children's hearts in locust grave. - All right, let me get to Real Housewives of Melbourne. - The funniest thing about watching all these shows to me is still that I can take three pages of notes on a Housewives show. Like, I can't stop myself. I actually have to press pause because some of this shit is so funny. We start Real Housewives of male, Ben. - With Wolfie and Gamba shopping for a wedding ring. - If they're- - Don't think, do you like the princess card or the cushion card? - Oh, I like cushions, but I'm afraid people will think I have sex parties and cushions, so I think I might do a princess, but then princesses are sort of sexy and they're like sex parties or so many rules. - Last time, last time I liked a princess, she was killed in a tunnel being chased by paps. I don't know, that would be good. How about a necklace, Wolfie? - Excuse me, do you have a Wolfie card? 'Cause I love my wolf, Pop. - Ooh, it needs to be a diamond. It never gets quite hard, but it's still shiny. All the same, a Wolfie. - Oh, Wolfie, you know, it's very important that the diamond looks good with my wolf, Pop. - Ooh, such a successful diamond. - When I look to the cushion, cuts the angles, I can see 20 wolfies, a Wolfie. - Oh, diamonds are a girl's best friend, but a wolf, Pop is my best friend, Wolfie. - Diamonds, there goes that's friend, and Wolfie's gonna die faster than any of them, where I love Wolfie. - Diamond is diamonds off forever, and Wolfie is... - Oh, I can see more. - For about two more years, Wolfie. - Is there a diamond shape for people who have been married 10 times? 'Cause I don't think you still get princess cuts on like your 10th marriage. You know, when you're that old, get her a condo, okay? It means more. - Yeah. - She can wear her old ring. - Just find like a pebble on the street and put it on a band. - Dolan, I got you a jelly bean? - Dolan, they'll be dead before I ever have to pay this off. Just pick whatever you want by the whole store for all I can. Put it on the bar clay card. - I like her. I love when she says... - I always love diamonds. It makes me feel like a girl. - And then they show a close up of her, not a girl hands. It's like, you know, editors, you shiny little fuckers. I think Wolfie should just buy a bottle of diamond water and put the cap on her ring. - Oh, Wolfie, it's such a big diamond. It's like you can fit on a bottle. It's beautiful. - Dolan, I wanted to get you something really meaningful for our wedding. So I bought my own caskets. You don't have to worry about it when I die in a few months. - I love you. - Dolan, I decided to get you a giant diamond. It's called the baseball diamond. I had a bunch of little puppets go to steal it from England. So then we move on to... She takes both diamonds home to try them on. And then we move on to Chica and her daughter shopping. There is nothing more awkward than watching Chica and her daughter shopping. First of all, buy something with sleeves, both of you. If those women really had your best interests at horse, they would be giving you nice long sleeve sweaters and just call it a day, Dolan. - Well, of course Chica's always massively enthusiastic about everything. She's like, "Oh, I'd rather like this. Here's the Victoria Beckham. I just like her. Look, I like the style of it. It looks wonderful. Oh, I like this dress too. Oh, look, it's a bollab sack. I like it. It's sort of like, you know, easy. I like it. You think Bruce, he will like it. Oh, he's a clutch. Everyone wants this clutch. He seems a little around. Sort of everywhere. Oh, look, there's a piece of paper. Let's get this piece of paper. It looked great. - Oh, what are you, the checkout girl? Oh, I love checking out. Look at you pressing all those buttons. Good for you, girl. You're going to make it. I believe in you, girl. Yeah, good for you. She's like, "Oh, we come to this shop and, you know, when you come to the shops, these on the first floor, the women dress you and then cut to the woman who's like 80." She's like, "It look really good in this show. That's really good to shop. This blanket is also slippers. You don't want it delightful in it, darling." Oh, I've gotten you a parasol. Oh, good. I love a parasol. I love anything. I love an accessory. I like getting that block from the sun. Although, you know what, I love the sun. Now, isn't that sun great? Great part of the universe. Trying on hats for this event they're going to, which I'm not even naming the events anymore because they can't even create. Derby, they have so many events, they cover, like, five in every episode. Yeah. This was the Derby. And there's only 11 episodes. It's like five events a show. She goes like, "Well, there's the derby with it. Look, it's supposed to be black and white, and then there's the famish, and there's this and this is where you wear a tissue on your head, and on this one, you're sort of like lacy and girly, and on this one, you wear a watch, and on this one, you wear glasses." And Chica's trying on every hat in the shop, and he said, "I just want something that looks like you, darling." Yeah, that's right. Get me a sideways vagina that your husband will ignore while he's off blowing the garden. Do you have anything like that? I'm perfect. That's it. It's like, how many sideways vagina hats can you have? It's just like a vagina earring coming out of Chica's hat. Derby day. Oh, it's dovey day. Is it dovey? It did. I thought it was derby day. Derby a dovey. I don't know. I'm not understanding English today. They all get there, and they all love the way this sweet looks. Which does look very nice, because Chica's a big group, I think, designed it. And it's the Lexus suite, and of course, as Chica excitedly puts it, Lexus is so talented. They make all of their rooms. They're based on the theme of their car for that year, and this year, it's all about the grill. Yeah, so they have like a bunch of wicker. So then my favorite part, it's like chicken wire with roses. Yeah. So my favorite part when a Lexus runs over a flower girl, it's a great theme. So my favorite part of that is that Petty Fleur is just like gushing over. She's like, she's like, oh, you know what I love. I love it out of the box idea. And then it just cuts the lid of me like, are you two? Yeah, are you two? And you know, in Lydia's head, she's like, is there other boxes here? Are we supposed to have a box? I didn't bring my box. What's out of the boxes, I need my daughter here to unload these boxes. I don't see them, but I'm sure they need to be unloaded. You know, all my children love moving boxes. I had three men bring me boxes to my new house, and they'd be in my chills. They'd be in my songs. I love it out of the box idea because I have a great idea, have some people take things out of boxes and put them in my house and they could become my children. I carried this box all the way from the Derby. Damn it. I didn't even have to kiss ass this year to get tickets because Cheka got me tickets. Look, they're at this point, they're paying Janet not to kiss anybody's ass. Listen, please don't go to any polar players and try and kiss their butt cheeks. Please. Okay. We'll give you free tickets. Just stay away from the young people. And then meanwhile, Jackie shows up and with her hat, she has like a queen, chess piece. It looks like she has a giant dildo coming out of her head, which was hilarious. And then she's like, Oh, Sean, Sean, it's a couture hat. And I got it because sometimes I feel like I'm playing chess with everyone. And then Gina, of course, you know, before I even say this, one of my favorite parts about the Melbourne housewives is they have like the worst comebacks of all. And so Gina's like, just like, Oh, well, guess what? You're not playing chess with me. You're playing you're playing by yourself. You're masturbating. You're not playing chess. You're masturbating. Like Gina, I love you. But that was like a terrible association. Like that doesn't, it doesn't work. So no one understands in these reality shows how to play chess because they keep saying chess this just that. And then she's like, I'm the queen. Guess what? The queen doesn't win chess. Yeah. You know, right? You know your second place right now, Jackie, she's like, and you know what you all you're a bishop. So checkmate. No, you don't catch the Bush Bishop. Oh, well, you know what? You're the rook. Cause you're new. Yes. You're like a rookie. So you have a rook. You're a Chinese checker always trying to jump over everybody. You're like, you're like a gay man because you're like a rook and rooks only go straight. So you're gay. Gina was all offensive this time for it. She had. She's like, you're masturbating. Then she had that thing where she was telling Gamble, yeah, you need to go ask her questions because, you know, petty flu isn't very interesting. I find that she's just a typical short person. You know, they're overcompensating for something. Okay, there's the short people then she says, well, you know, I don't like wearing black and white. I feel like a waiter. It's like, how many people are you going to offend in one segment, woman Jesus? Gina, do you know? Listen to our episode. Gina was pretty bad. Like if this was the first time we got to know, you know, we would not like her. I think she was like, I still think I love her, but yeah, she's a total bit. But like, we love her because we know the content. We know the context of Gina. So it's just like a layer as she just says these things, but like overall, she was kind of the bitch all episode. Yeah. She was like starting shit. She was just. Yeah, she was just ready to tear everybody down even her little best friend, her little bestie. Yeah. But you know what though? She couldn't tear down Chica's enthusiasm because Chica was like the horse, right? She's like, Oh, I just love this. So horses over there. Oh, look, you can see the horses. Oh, it's a little bit windy out a little bit of rain. Isn't this wonderful? Oh, my God. Look at those horses racing. They're almost just strong and amazing as Lexus is on. They like this. Look at that. You know what? That horse needs. Oh, girl. Jesus. Chica, calm down over there and then I like wait to get hoofed leather seats. And I like how Jackie gets very serious. She's like, you know, it's a psychic. I can't use my cyclic ability to gamble because that would just be a violation. So I only use it for good. I'm like, no, the reason why you don't use your cyclic ability is to gamble is because you don't have any cyclic abilities. And if you gambled and lost, it'd be very obvious that you don't have anything. You're not speaking to the angels or the demons. You're speaking to yourself in your own head. Yeah. Whenever it comes time to prove it. Yes. Oh, I can't do that against the rules. Jesus doesn't like you doing it near church. You know, we're near church. I've got my Google Maps it. Lydia was on fire this whole episode. Every fucking thing Lydia said, she seemed like she was kind of spaced out, like Vicodin out. Yeah. And she was just hilarious. And I don't even know why I'm writing it down, but I laughed every time she came on. Everyone's like, oh, this is Eve Saint Laurent. Oh, really? This is Ralph Lauren. I wonder if they're related. And then it goes to Lydia. This is from a local designer named Macho. She's like, she doesn't even know what it is on her head. She's like, it's my new beret. No, honey. That's not a beret. No. I love berets. I love strawberries. I love blue berets. No, no, no, those are berries not berets. No, Figaro loves loves hats. I always put a hat on Figaro. Campbell says, before we leave the party, I want to announce the party for dog racing. And Lydia goes, I know he's going to win. Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro be the fastest dog by far. What are we having them do again? Then we get news that Tempest is faces healed. And she's going to be coming to a party. And yeah, it's like semi-scared and semi-excited to start. Janet is so free. She can be fighting with somebody. She is. She's so big. She's like, oh, I heard that Tempest had a face lift. Is it good? Oh, God. I'm so happy for Tempest. That's so happy. And then it goes to Janet saying, I hope she didn't get too much plastic surgery because you don't want to look like you've been sucking a cock all night. I love my housewives. Janet is so shady. So then they start talking about another event, which is Betty Fleur's book launch. And Gina is like, I'm going to invite all Marosas, my plus one. I know. So they all call her Amarosa. I hope Amarosa doesn't find out. She's quite famous in America. Gina is so shady. Listen, I'm not sure about how her book launch is going to go. She's got one paragraph. I'm not sure how you bind it. I mean, I've written posts on Facebook longer than that. I hope Amarosa doesn't get mad. By the way, I think the constant Amarosa crossover with this show is my second favorite franchise crossover behind, of course, Malibu Country on Real Housewives of Orange County. It's like, it just keeps on popping up and it's sort of like so bizarre that these two things are related, but they are. Oh, Lydia says really inappropriate things that never understands. I don't even think she knows what she's talking about. Like when she's in the car with Petafoor, this was before, by the way, they're on their way to this event. And she's telling Petafoor, how tall are you for feet? I mean, it's adorable and Petafoor is like, no, I'm actually bigger than five, two. I'm five, two darling. She's like, really? She doesn't believe it. The later she's like, she's like five or you two. I don't understand. Which one is it? Then later they go to Petafoor's book launch and then he is like, your poster is wonderful. It looks just like you trying to talk with the bubble butts. I was like, it looks nothing like her, actually. It looks like a piece of clip art. Yeah, exactly. From like the old, what was that thing, that program on the Mac, like Mac Paint? I card. Did you design this in the hypercard? Yes, because I'm very hyper and I love cards because that's just me. By the way, I love how so the new thing with Petafoor, she decided that her trademark thing is that she snaps. She says, which is the beach and she snaps? And she's like, that's what I always do is switch the beach, switch the beach, switch the beach. I'm like, what? You've never snapped once on this show. Every faggito burrito in America versus Petafoor. The case begins. Well, the way that she snaps also is like that annoying snap. It's not like a super gay snap like, girl, she like snaps like she's snapping at you like, hurry up, hurry up, switch the beach. I'm like, no, that's not fun. That's how I snap at Bueller when I don't want him jumping up on me. It's like, you're like, down, down, like, yes, you know, this is my logo snapping. First of all, a logo cannot snap. Okay? So there's like a little, it has like little, you see the little finger in the thumb and you see like little marks that are like, it's the finger and the thumb are in motion. This is my logo snapping because one time I was poor and that's what we did. We would snap for music because we did not have Spotify like kids today. So we would snap a lot and maybe hum something, you know, my sequel is going to be called hum with the beach. Okay. You know, one thing that I do when I like to switch the beach is I like to cross my arms and wink my, move my nose and then everything changes. And then I go back and do like a bottle and I like to call it, I do my pettifler. It's my new thing. It's, it can't be trademarked. It's a title. You're almost dark enough in that post. Did it be one of my daughters? You're so short, you want to be my daughter, then you can take things out of the box. That's my out of the box idea. Um, well then what I love speaking about like, like amazing ideas that all the women pose in front of the step and repeat and then pettifler is like, and then I had this great idea. I said, everyone lift up your, lift up your foot so that way you're in the switch, the bitch pose. And you know, that's just what you do when you are, you know, when you are a bright person, when you just have all the ideas, when you like the main person, when you're in touch with your woman, that's what you do. You come up with great ideas like that. I'm like, congratulations. Hold everyone to look at their legs. Always thinking, guess who else lifts their legs up? Dogs. Okay. And by the way, also, I want it to be like those yards in America with all those lovely pink burns, pretending to drink water out of the fake grass. Those flamingos, they have switched their bitch. Okay. They don't need to send them onto legs. They lift up a leg and they sit things and they look pretty. Okay. That's it. They're heads out of the sand. Finally. And now they can be flamingos. Now they can wait. You know what? Because powerful people can wait in water. You know what? But you know what? You know what? You'll be more like that flamingo. But you know what though? The funny thing is, that is so not a powerful stance. If you want to get in touch with your inner power, you know, a powerful stance, you stand with two legs with your arms crossed. That's power. But stand with one leg like that and snapping, that's actually a very dainty stance. Let us show our power as women by leaning daintly against the wall and lifting our ankles in case that of old men with money who might see this. Yeah. Exactly. Oh God. It was awful. Well, so then one thing, one bone of contention in this whole issue is that because Gina originally, I believe Gina was the one who started, as you mentioned before, started this thing like, well, does she have a publisher? Sure. Is there a publisher there? So then cut to petty flourish. She makes this stupid speech and then she's like, and now I'd like to open up the floor to a Q and A and then gambles like, Oh my God, that shit was hilarious. And gamble. Gina did set her up to it, literally set her up to it in the car. She's like, here's what I think you should ask Peter for. Ask if she's got a publisher, ask her how many words are in there, ask her why she's black on the cover, ask her if she's trying to look like on baroosa and then ask her why she's got a penis or I ask her all of this in the press and gamble that. Okay. And she gets to the moment and gamble is shit. I mean, she is so scared. She's standing there and she's like, but then her eyes are kind of shifty. Like she is just terrified of what's about to happen. And I just love it. And Jean is just sitting back there with her wig, like an aging, like Frenchy from, you know, the best was the best was Janet immediately mocking her in her interview. Janet's like, here's your publisher. I thought you were for sure. I thought you were going to record that on your little app and play it on the podcast. I didn't do that this week because I know I was being really annoying. I'm trying to figure out how to do it in a way where I can play it for you that it's not like blasting in your ear every five seconds. Oh, Ronnie, your awful thing. My only relationship in life. I've got to keep it healthy, darling. Well, then a petty floor have, you know, a perfectly fine response, which she says, like I said, published, which means that for everyone who is looking for some summer readings in beach reading, we have two self published novels happening on Bravo. We have Demetria and petty floor publishing their two little crappy novels. Oh, man. I cannot believe I did not have this up, but we are going to have to read some reviews for switch the bitch because the reviews came in this week. Yeah. And as usual, our lovely listeners have posted them on our Facebook and the shit is amazing. Hold on. Let me go Amazon.com. Well, what's Gina's book? Gina's. I don't remember. Gina. What's her last name, Leon? Well, you looked that up. I'm going to I'm going to mention my favorite quote, which is that, you know, because they started to confront petty floor about her book and the publisher and what they didn't like about it, et cetera. And I love how petty floor in her interview turns to us. And she says, is this a bash petty floor at her book launch night? And I was like, that is such a clunky way of describing the night. Like, I'm just imagining a banner like, welcome to bash petty floor at her book launch night. Yay. Still always working, always working. Look, I came up with a new title just like that, because I'm a woman who thinks was a business. Okay. Yeah. I have to say, I know I haven't read her book, but I thought Gamble's assessment, it seemed like a, you know, when she said that she thought it was offensive that it was telling women like if their husband ignores them to then go out with their friends, not tell their husband and how it was like offensive, basically telling women to be a bitch. If that's true. I mean, the book sounds pretty vile. That's what you say. And I'll read them right now. I haven't come up. But I don't want to forget to say that Gamble is so funny to me. She's like, the reason that I had questions is because I don't understand who has a book and then they don't have a permission because I am in the business because I have an article in a, you know, newspapers in, and it's called, what's hot with Gamble? And I would come in and my editor would say, how could you give me this baby white bullshit crap? You're stupid, stiffer, and I would say, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, it's very important to have someone to shape your way. But she's kind of, she's kind of right. Just seeing Gamble, first of all, what's hot with Gamble? Come on. Yeah. Cool. It's hot with Gamble. Scrutters that go down to the knees. All the girls are talking about them this week. Thankfully I have Oofee. Oofee, what's hot with Gamble this week? Woofee! Next week. What's hot with Gamble this week? Well, it would have to be a woofee. If young man can't take his balls and rot them around his head like a tiara, you're wasting your time. What's hot with Gamble? Woofee! What's hot with Gamble? Well, it's summertime, which means the weather's hotter and what's even hotter as well. And then they basically come right, both Gina and Gamble. It's like, congratulations, Betafoor, you did it. And she actually let the thing go. She didn't confront them about their rude questions during her song. She was like, oh, it's wonderful to be here with women in celebrating a book and women read now. Thank you. Women can read. You know, thank you, America. Thank you, Obama. It's like, oh, shut up. And then Gamble's like, yes, but is it written on toilet paper? Is it written on the back of a paper bag? Is it written on a bathroom wall? Where is it written? But you know, Gina's just like, yeah, you know what I know about your book, that it sucks. Congratulations. Oh, you know, this should be called Switch the Bitch, Colin. This book sucks, all right. This should be called Switch the Lights off and this book will be better if you can't even read it. I hope this isn't, this should be called Switch the Bitch. I hope this is never in Braille because blind people have enough pain without having to read this. It should be called Switch the Fitch as in Go to Abercrombie and Fitch and you'll feel bad about yourself looking at those hot people than reading his book. Sorry. That was very forced. I don't know where I was going with it. I like those the best sometimes. Okay reviews. So then Gamble's like, you know, this is about women who I mean and I had to stop read the part where you got to a woman living off of a man and then apologizing to him because she's afraid to lose all of her money. I mean, how disrespectful I had to put it down. I love that she's so obvious that she's picking, of course, the chapter. It's like trophy wives. Don't be a trophy wife. Get a job. I couldn't read me more. She's like, I have to put it down, but that's also because the book was a little too heavy for me. I have to use to be a stripper. I could do it because I was climbing up those fire poles, firemen, strip, strip. Back when I worked at a strip mall, it's a fire man. All right. So the reviews. Don't worry. This won't be too long because there's only 10. Yeah, this shit gets good because it goes between the reviews of both of these books. Okay. Ridiculous. Obviously. Really? This is how she avoids relationship problems. LOL. Having a lack of manners is hardly an anecdote or a way to behave in order to manage your life. This book is ridiculous as is her formula. Most of this is common sense that most intelligent women already know. The rest is about manipulation, dishonesty and playing games. If this is meant to make a woman strong, we're in big trouble. A waste of time and money. Ditch switch the bitch one star. Absolute border read. Total waste of money. One star. I'd recommend any of those before this book. Poorly written. A complete border read. One book. This book was terrible. This is the headline. This book was terrible. I can't believe that a professional, professional editor and dot dot dot because they were so mad that they couldn't even write a concise title. Yeah. And then this one is, I can't believe that a professional editor and publisher were involved in putting the slop out there. Oh wait, they weren't. At least that is my guess. So, and that's basically all of them. Switch the bitch. No, ditch the witch. So they're very funny because they basically all just say this is not empowering at all. This is awful for women. So then you switch over to Gina's book, which for those of you wondering is cold. Fearless. Oh, that's right. Yes, my life, my way. Crosswalks without lights. Not afraid. Canadian geese. Not afraid. Popsicles that have their wrappers torn a little bit. Not afraid. Keychains. Not afraid. Poking myself with a mascara pencil. Not afraid. Library cards that have a little bit of dust on them. Not afraid. So before the reviews started coming in for Petty Floor's book, the reviews for Gina's were like five stars. Every review. And there's only four or five of them, but the, and they're also from verified purchasers, which is a big deal on Amazon because when you're, listen, I know because I buy diet pills off Amazon a lot and you know the ones that are fake because none of them have verified reviews like people who actually shop there. None. Now in her defense, none of Petty Floor's that I can see, at least on the front page, are verified reviews. So these are probably just all mean fans. Not that I doubt that the book is awful, but anyway, Gina had like a solid five stars from her four reviews and then the day that all these bad reviews came out for, um, Petty Floor, then this suddenly shows up the same day on Gina's. There are plenty of women who have been through tough times and have survived. Is it because Gina comes from a more privileged background that she's applauded watching her on the housewives of Melbourne shows that she is quite resentful, arrogant, spiteful, and condescending for the most part in her behavior? She has no appreciation for the accomplishments towards another self made woman, Petty Floor Behringer. How tacky and catty she is. She isn't the least bit supportive towards Petty Floor and the accomplishments she's made. You'd think she would be. Mmm. Dot, dot, dot. Yes, I do think there's some prejudice there because who? Because of who and where Petty Floor comes from. Yes, I said the obvious. You've got to be in denial or just dumb to not see through Gina. Gina is not as exceptional as she wants people to believe. She's just a jealous female who wants a limelight and can't handle any woman with a mind and will equal greater than hers. Which my sentence, Pedofluor, you didn't have an editor for this review either. I see. She's a classic case of how women can be competitive in backstabbing towards one another. Very sad and backwards. That's why she loves gambles so much. Little Worship's Gina and that's what Gina wants from other women. Okay. Obviously this is written by Pedofluor because it uses Pedofluor by name in it. Nobody knows that bitch's name and then she calls her racist. I mean, come on. Pedofluor. All that's missing is calling Gina Ned Kelly. Pedofluor, if your book was written this well, you're in trouble, bitch. Switch the bitch. Yeah. Bad. Bad omens for Eddie expert there. But believe it or not, there's still more to this episode. This is only like halfway through because there was yet another event. It was gambles. Hens party. Oh my God. The Hens party. Of the Hens party and I brought my stepson and I also bought my sister Tempest and Wolfie wasn't there because he was somewhere else. He was at the mortuary. Wolfie was when in the walk-in refrigerator because that's where I put him down to map to save him. That's how he's made it so far. That's the expiration date. Oh, and I'm eating eggs I bought last year. Wolfie was at the soup plantation getting an early bird special, so I had a Hens party. This whole thing started crazy. Gambles, a whole family is insane. Tempest got her facelift done. Tempest, by the way, now that she's had all of that extra stuff on her face. She looks even more insane. Like you can read the crazy. I thought she looks pretty good. She looks pretty good. She does look pretty good. But I'll leave it up to who said it, Janet, Gina, who said someone said it's like, "Oh, she looks wonderful." Her, I don't know whose voice I'm even doing, but they were like, "Oh, she looks wonderful with that surgery, but she might need to go back to get the rest of it." No, no, that was petty flirt. That was petty flirt because first petty flirt says, "You know what? I think that women need to, if you're going to get the plastic surgery, you need to be subtle about it because you know what? Too much? You look like a clown." And then Jenna comes out and she's like, "You know what? I think it was too subtle. She may need to have another surgery." You definitely did switch the bitch there. Way to empower women, babe. You switched exactly what you were saying. But I also think it was Janet who was like, "I've never been to a Hens night where they had an extravigant entrance for someone who had plastic surgeries." That was funny. "Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Hens party 2015, and now for my less ugly sister, Memphis." But by the way, I loved that the theme was like Secret Agent. I loved Gina's like 60s mod here. That was fantastic. Also I liked what's her face as a gambles stepson, her gay stepson. That was hilarious when they had that conversation. She's like, "You know what? When I first met you, I hated you." And she's like, "Oh, I didn't much care for you either." And then he was like, "But I thought you were a whore and a gold digger, and just someone I did not want my dad to marry." And she's like, "And now you realize I'm all those things, but you like me?" And they both laughed and I was like, "You know what? That was actually a very cool moment." That was so cute. Because the gay misunderstood son becomes friends with the old kick to the side stripper, you know, to make dad happy. It was cute. That kid's kind of the serial killer from American Horror Story this season, Bambi. Slash the son, Lily Tomlin's son, inflirting with his ass. Oh my god, yes. But he was really cute because he's very, you know, he's an awkward gay. And I loved it. He's like, "Yeah, I just thought you were a whore on a gold digger." She's like, "I was, but now I'm friends." Yeah. You don't know, I like that kid. She turned and then she said to the camera, "Little did he know his father had already been dug." Yeah. Well, she was like, "Listen," she's like, "You know what? If I was a gold digger, I wouldn't be going to the Wolfie." But you know what though? As much as we were like, we're being kind of mean to Wolfie by being like, "Oh, he's gonna go to the mortuary." Wolfie is so sweet. And you know what? I actually like gambling her own cookie way. And I love their steps on. So... Jones be confused. I like them all. Don't start rumors. I hate rumors. I love all these women, actually, but Gamble is definitely hysterical and her son is very funny and her husband is adorable, but you know, you got to make jokes about the most obvious thing or otherwise we'd have to think before we actually did a show and the easiest thing is exactly. Exactly. Okay. Meanwhile, I felt absolutely terrible for Lydia at that hands party because she probably was wondering the entire time, like, "So when do we get our secret mission? I know we're all assembling here, so I'm wondering, are we supposed to go somewhere and infiltrate? I don't understand." "I thought this was a gold bond party and I put it all over my back, I can't even feel my back." I don't understand, if we're supposed to be secret agents, how can we all know that we're all secret agents? Doesn't seem very secret to me. And why does no one call him Jimmy? Do you know, these handsome waiters with their shirts off, they're kind of like my sons. Except I'd get in trouble if I'd let them sit on my lap and rub it around. Yeah, Lydia was hysterical this whole time. She was really good with those strippers. Yeah. The Hensnite really became hilarious when Gamble pretended that she had a strip out fella. Yeah. I'm really, yeah, here's the truth. I went to a strip club one time with my girlfriend after I was working in an office and I went there and I saw a stripper and I've had a phobia ever since. Yeah. It's not a stopper. It's not a dramatic story. Yeah. She's a dramatic artist that you were a secretary. I know. The only strippers that I like are the strippers that look like they're from the cast of cocoon. Give me a shield, assume crown stripper and I'll be happy. Anything you're saying, it's really, it's a phobia, unscatous strippers. And of course, everybody's like, yeah, it's because she's a whole. Yeah. The only reason why she's scared of strippers is because it reminds her that she was a stripper. But then meanwhile, she's like squirming like a cat being held against its will. She's like, I'm like, lady, you should be happy. You should be like Janet, Janet, that horny beach was like pulling the strippers like not just like getting a peek. She was trying to pull the whole thing off and I was like, God bless you. She had her fingers in those things like she was bowling on two lanes. Damn, Janet. Going down over there, lady. We get it. Your vagina still works. All right. Congratulations. God bless her. God bless her. Lord, I don't know if that woman subscribes to magazines or anything, but I hope there's some kind of package for lube because you know that she's over there using plenty of it month to month. Stop it, Janet. We don't need to know about your vagina's. Controlls. Stop it. It's gross. And then, uh, and then, uh, I have to say one thing before we move on because it was Lydia. I was going to say this earlier. Gamble. Look at Gamble's outfit. Gamble's like a little bunny because she, you know, I look at her and pop, pop, pop, pop. I'm like, get it together, girl. What? What does any of that even mean? I know. She also says something else where, oh, you know, it was when Gamble was like showing off her, oh, showing off a dime at the hands party and then Lydia pulls in the interview. She pulls up. She shows her ring. She's like, beat this gamble. Congrats. Yeah. She was drunk today. I loved it. Yeah. Lydia was making no sense. So then she said funny thing though, because she also said, I have to hand it to Gina. I mean, she really showed up looking wonderful for the hands party. I wonder how long that took her. She probably started at 1 a.m. Lydia's like, I couldn't have but wonder where was all the bird feet? I thought it was supposed to be a hands party. I didn't see a single hand figure. I was going to bring figure out because he loves chasing chickens. Glad I didn't. Why did the hand cross the road? Who cares? He's not in the joke. He has Andrea. So then there are two things that happen at the hands party first, Tempest and Janet like made peace and then they make peace and seems like everything's hunky-dory and then gamble comes over and Janet's like, yes, we just made peace, but you know what I have to say? I'm rather annoyed at you because you knew it was wrong and I knew it was wrong. I don't blame you for being angry, Tempest, because I have a sister and if someone did that, I would be furious too, thank you, thank you, thank you, oh, big sister time. And then immediately Janet just brings it up again and then like Tempest thankfully was like, let's just, can we just thought it's all ridiculous and then afterwards Janet and gamble Janet was like, can we just agree to put it to bed once and for all? I'm like, you do that every single week, like how many weeks you put it to bed? I know it's like Jesus, put it into a coma. I'm annoyed with you for starting this with your sister and she's like, oh God. Well, Gina, even Gina's coming, I can't handle Gina's like, so I couldn't help but notice you were uncomfortable with the strippers. Does that mean you hate strippers? Does that mean you were a stripper? I can't help believe it. I think that the rumors started with your makeup artist because your makeup artist does makeup for strippers. Did you know that? Did you know that? And she's just sitting there like she has this gotcha moment and gamble's not even talking about it. It was like my makeup artist does makeup for the Prime Minister, which I was also like, I don't think that's true either. I think somewhere, you guys are both just like lying to each other. Gina was just clearly trying to stir shit up and gamble, I don't even know, she's like, she does the makeup for the Prime Minister and for the early birth at McDonald's. Oh, she did the, she does the makeup for at least yourself a song. It's totally random people. Don't tell me that about my makeup artist, I'm going to be terrified to get my eyelashes for the next time. She was starting shit with her. What else was I going to say here? I've just put a big star by it. Oh, yeah. Shine, shine. Jackie, back to Tempest, Tempest is like so beaming with her new face. And Jackie's like, darling, I've never met you before, but I'm a sock kick. So I saw a sock kick vision of what you looked like before. It was awful, darling. You look much better now. You are. My vision, I mean, God, what shins, darling? You would like the Kentucky Fried Chicken Man with 10 faces, darling. Awful, awful, but you look good now then. Oh, darling, I have a psychic vision and I think that's like your vision was job of the hot. So you've done a really great job. I'm so glad you've come so far. So I just wrote, Janet keeps going, stripper phobia, stripper phobia. I wrote stripper phobia five times because I loved it. Tempest apologize. Gina rumors. She's supposed to be my friend, Campbell. I think that's basically it. I think we got, I think we got all the Melbourne. That's it, right? Yeah. So Chica, Chica did something today that we need to talk about. I'm very surprised with Chica. Chica. Chica. Everyone thinks Chica is the innocent one. But what does she do? Chica is a naughty hen's gift. Oh, Chica. Just like here, this is a, this is a dildo and it's on a belt so you can wear it for Wolfie. My husband loves it. It saved our marriage, Janet. No one wants your peg, Chica. Oh, Chica. So naughty. A peg for Wolfie. And I guess that's all I got there. Oh, and then they had one of those little Tenga egg things that's like a little masturbator toy, which I don't know why you're giving that to the woman. You know those are for penises, right? Yeah. Yeah. That was yum. Oh, but you know, because Wolfie money is all the help that he can get probably. Well, you know, do the helicopter darling. It feels like aerobics for the penis. You don't need to be squeezing the blood out of that thing. All right. If anything, getting a, get her a nice strong trash pie. I keep that thing strong for an hour. That's all right. Where are we now? Blood, sweat and cancer. Cancer has never looked so good on a reality. So. Oh, Daisy. Okay. Here's what I have to say about Daisy. I love Daisy. And as she's sitting there crying over her pills, I felt on one hand, I felt so bad for her. I was like, oh my God, this must be so scary for her. By the other hand, I was like, girl, why did you go to this party when you need your cancer meds? Like this is your life. Like stop. Leave the show. Take care of yourself. This show is getting in the way you almost didn't get the meds. You almost died. Can you go to meet you as in time? Like why are you ordering them after you're already out? I know. Come on. I was responsible with her cancer pills. I felt so bad for her. She looked so scared to remind me of being a kid and like my mom was late to pick me up from school. And I got scared. I thought I was alone. I like start to like cry. But it's like at the same time, girl, you put yourself in that position in like two or three different ways. Like, don't do that, Daisy. We'd love you. Don't do that to us. Yeah. My dad left me at school all the time actually. He always forgot to come pick me up because my mom was busy at Junior League on those days. And he just wouldn't come. He'd come at like six. He was sitting there for two and a half hours. It wasn't abandonment. You know, it was working father. You know, I had to look at it a different way. It's kind of funny because for this week's episode of Blitz, when he was the first half I thought was kind of boring and kept getting distracted on my phone. But the second half, I could not stop watching because the second half was pretty much like is Daisy going to get her pills? Is she going to get her pills? And like, what's the meat you're going to do though? Like Micah and Chantelle making noise. Oh my God. So good. Well, Daisy has a lot of irresponsible, a lot of irresponsible of the issues. You showed her again today laying in her bed of bills like she spreads all of her bills out on the bed and lays down in the middle of them while she's talking to a wig designer. It's like, look, if you can't pay your bills, don't be bragging about your wig stylist. Like you can't be spending all your money on a wig stylist when you owe money for cancer. Okay. It's going to look back to the credit people. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean, Daisy had cancer and then she got a CAT scan from someone in an Armani seat that didn't fit. And she thinks she's free now and didn't even call her mother. I know. That was bad. Nice. I know. But she takes some she takes some tips from Amber and call everyone on the planet and Instagram. Yeah. It's the gram. So it starts out today, Micah has met a man. No, she's a metaman and Daisy's over and they're hanging out and Daisy, they start singing a song about how all Daisy wants is a glass of wine and cancer has robbed her of wine. And Micah's like, yeah, girl, it's like you're pregnant with cancer. And then we go to, I mean, she's honestly one of the happiest cancer patients I've ever seen. God bless her positive attitude. I really like Daisy and I'm glad that her cancer turned up to be okay. Yeah, for now. Yeah. Demetria and Melissa. Why are they even talking? Are they friends? Why do I have that they're talking? Did they actually talk? I don't know. She's talking about her book. She's like, yeah, the book's coming out. The book's coming out quickly. And I like, I can't, I don't even know what to do with myself. It's like, it's coming out. It's like, this is real. Like, this is happening. Like, what am I doing? I'm self-publishing. It's like, shut up, Demetria. I don't care. Yeah. And also, Demetria says this in every scene she's on camera when she's talking now. She goes, I've been at Platica Wedding and a book launch. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's like extra extra extra. Like, she's being very extra right now because I'm doing a wedding and a book. Yeah, it's like a big deal. I mean, she had a play and like her eyebrows are frowning, but I have a wedding. So it's big. It's a big deal. Yeah. So yeah, it's a big deal for her. So give me her. And I love that she says, listen, I don't want you to bring a date into my wedding because, you know, I like, if you're going to bring a date, I need to be able to call him at two in the morning when I need him, otherwise I don't want him at my wedding. Yeah. She's like, I have a love to do, like, because I'm self-publishing, so I've got to do all the publicity. Like, this is, this is hard. Like, I don't know. This could, like, change everything. It's 2 AM. Hi. This is Melissa's date. Hi. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. Big deal. Okay. It's a big deal. But be quiet. Be quiet, though. Do not hang up at me at two in the morning. I'm sending back your wedding gift. I'm sending it back. Be quiet. There's a big deal. It's no one at your wedding wants to answer your phone call at two in the morning. Shut up with that. Who even says that? So arrogant. Listen, you're not doing a favor by inviting people to your wedding, okay? They are doing you a favor. They are buying a suit. They, well, in my case, they're getting close to where. They're getting their hair done. They're putting aside a day of their lives and they're spending a hundred goddamn dollars on a gift for you, okay? You're not the favor doer here, all right? Beggi, beggi. Believe it or not, I think I know what she was trying to say. I don't think she was saying she's going to call them in the morning. She just wants people that she feels really close with at her wedding. Yeah, whatever. Yeah. But then the reason I'm already annoyed with it is because of what's coming next week. Yeah, I have to put my annoyance and check and pretend that I don't know when I get it. I get it. I get it. But yeah, she's I just don't I don't like general arrogance of people who have weddings. Like I know it's a huge day for you. You put a lot of work into it, but guess what? You're doing that for yourself. You're doing it for a huge day for yourself. It's going to be wonderful in the most romantic day of your life and you should put effort into it. But don't be acting like you're doing me a favor by asking me to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. Yeah. Because I have to plan shit. It means I have to buy two outfits. It means I have to put up with your awful friends and pretend you're not a total comp for a day. Okay. Yeah, exactly. So if you're frustrated, take it out on your Instagram wedding planner. Exactly. Do it like she. Like she. Do it like she. You know, have like. Isn't this happening thrillers on my iPod. This is what he has. This is the part where can't stand the rain is supposed to play. You say can't stand the rain is supposed to. This is a part where we're supposed to hear Debbie Gibson and it's not. This wedding is. You know why? Because I really can't stand the rain. Where is the Samantha Fox? I don't hear any of it. This wedding is fucked. I like that. We saw the teacher talking about. It's a big deal talking about her book and stuff and then talking about her book some more and then talking about her books some more and then we see the cover of her book called Don't Waste Your Pretty. All I wrote down for that was that's a cute name knowing what we know. Also kind of a good name for a diet book. It's like listen. You're only 31. Don't be 30 in fat. Don't waste your pretty. You don't want to be losing weight when you're 40. Trust me. You should. We should just like switch the titles of her and petty floors books. You should be like. Switch the pretty and don't waste your bitch. Don't waste your bitch. Exactly. Oh, good. I like that she kept talking about retweets. Like what if it would retweets by book? I mean the parties you know yeah the parties like to be great and people are going to come to the party but the thing is it's not just like to give people drinks. It's so that they're going to comment tweet about it and like retweet it and then other people will see it and they'll be like oh look at that person tweeted it and then they'll retweet or maybe favorite. I'd prefer a retweet because I was actually going your timeline but like a favorite's nice still. Like you should. Oh, get a fucking publicist. But it's so hard because I have to get it on iTunes. Oh my god. Fill out the form. What is wrong with you? I know. I think then also before the book launch happened we had a scene with Arso and yesterday. And you know yesterday has just been working hard because he has a bad label and he's working. He just wants to be a man. You know he's traditional like that. He wants to take care of me and I want him to take care of me too because that's important to me. Yeah, it's important to find a man who's going to take care of you and buy you everything. I'm not even going on or so I will say that I liked her this week because she wasn't acting like a total asshole as far as all the family stuff goes like I was I was I was un-mad at her this week for that. Oh good. But I'm still not liking the fact that she's dragging some poor kid around who should be having the time of his life being signed to a label even if it's being a poor person. But he should have the time of his life and be worrying about making good music with his garage band loops not making some middle-aged woman with funky nostrils a living. No man is supposed to support you. Welcome to 2015 bitch get out of here. Well, it sounds like that's what he wants to do because he's sort of traditional. So I say all the more power to yesterday because also yesterday it looks really sweet and nice. Having them both sitting there crying because he couldn't pay her bills I really wanted to barf on the TV. I know I want you to pay for our bills too honey. And one day you'll be able to. And in the meantime you know you're my secret little happy button and I love you. That's it. That's all that matters. And you know what like he pays his line of the rent and I pay mine and he just can't pay more than that and that's okay but you know he wants to pay more than that. So you know right now we're just going Dutch but don't tell my parents that because they hate Dutch people. Don't ask me. They didn't ask to come to a country with Dutch people in it. They just ended up here because of a victim. That's why they're so mad that I moved to New York because New York was originally called New Amsterdam and that's you know a Dutch. And all these scotch tape either if it makes you feel better. They refuse to cook in a Dutch oven. They only use frying pans. Their least favorite movie is that movie with Ed O'Neill called Dutch. And don't you ever try to get them to go to Pennsylvania and talk to the Amish people because they will not. The Pennsylvania Dutch are off limits to them. That's just the way it is. Heavenly was going to make dinner when he heard my parents were coming in town and he was making Mexican jumping beans and I said oh god it's already ruined forget it will try next year. You know what? When I tell you yesterday to make brownies I always tell them if you're going to use cocoa make sure you don't have Dutch processed cocoa because we all know how my parents feel about Dutch. They don't want double processed cocoa worries them about their graham children. I never had I never was allowed to even touch rope as a child because my parents were afraid I was going to play double Dutch and that's like twice as much Dutch. That's like twice as much Dutch and they can't do that. Literally in our house double disappointment. I never got into more trouble than when as a child I was listening to Pass the Dutchy on the radio. Oh my god. I was they put me in a closet for five days never imagined. It wasn't only a song about Dutch people a black person was singing it. My mom just said no Dutch people and if you marry a black person I'm going to murder you and stone you to death like I they used to do in our country. I mean could you imagine such a song. The song was actually advocating the advocating the passing of Dutch people like it was like not just that there was Dutch it was that we wanted to spread the Dutch it was no good. Then we move over to dating the short man which I'm not really sure about this date with Micah because Micah's not really herself at all until she let's face it till she's drunk. This sober Micah this Micah who showed up for lunch last week with Demetra in Brooklyn. First of all the real Micah would never have gotten on that train in the first place. The real Micah would have been like bitch you better meet me you knew square. And the real Micah wouldn't just be sitting there giggling at some humorless sort dude. You need to get drunk and she's the way she puts it is listen I don't know what's going to happen with this guy because some guys change you know sometimes they're fun in the first four months and then four months later they you know they turn into assholes I'm like or four months later they're finally drunk around you for the first time at a dinner party Micah sound familiar. I don't know that that whole scene didn't did nothing for me I say why don't we move forward to the book lunch okay I just wanted to add I like when she said I like where this is going with him I mean he's short but who cares at least he's smart you can date a short man if he's smart but don't you be dating a stupid short man. Those are words to live by why aren't you the one with the book you could have helped a lot of people yeah exactly all right so let's move on to the long show you it's a big deal it's a big deal so I just realized what you're doing I got distracted for a moment during your last rant I'm not gonna lie I was like looking at something at Facebook and then all of a sudden I came in I realized you were sitting there on my phone like it's so big sorry just blew out everyone's I don't blame you I'm very ranty lately I don't know what so so the so Demetria is has this like meet and greet signing at this club and a bunch of people there and she does a Q&A my book signing it's a really big deal because you know like help book what a big what a self-help book is it's where you write down advice and you write it down and then you type it out and you put it in book form and then other people can buy it and then they can get advice for their problem so it's a big deal it's like really you're gonna explain what a self-help book is bitch yeah she's like you know I'm doing a Q&A now and like that's important because you like Q&A or backwards and because in the alphabet A goes first and Q goes later but since I'm a writer I know these things and it's like important for me to share that and it's like a big deal and like I can't be hearing all that noise in the corner I'm like what but be gone so so basically what happens is that like all the women are in one corner and they're all getting drunk and they're a little bored and they're just like chatting they're making noise I mean it is kind of rude but it's not like that big of a deal and Demetra keeps on like scowling at them of course so then finally Greg is right just got Greg her fiancé goes and like sits next to them like like a school marm and um and Chantel is like wasted or something because she's like Michael Michael Michael you know and so then Greg essentially is like you've been disrespectful being just really rude you know this is her life this is her work I'm like you know what like you should just be so happy because right now these women are giving are making this scene happen on a show you know but um ultimately the only interesting thing about this that Q&A was forever and I don't know who said it but one of them said hey uh you know she's a very talented writer I'm sure but she's dry as toast this needs to this needs to move along because the questions are like so so what is where did you get the title from where did you get the title don't waste your pretty well you know it's really important that women like when they're pretty that they keep it and that they use it while they can't because there comes a point where you're not pretty and then you're like oh my god I wasted my pretty oh okay so what advice would you give women of today well always but you know always make sure that you have your metro card filled because it's horrible to have to stand in line at the subway especially when it's cold outside and nobody wants to be standing in line it's like oh my god kill me do not make me listen anymore yeah it was like dull dull dull dull so anyway ultimately Greg has security to take like like kick Chantel out which of course creates more of a scene than Chantel's just drunken ramblings so then Micah's like you cannot make her leave you cannot make her leave this is a club this is a club and even Geneva's getting into it Geneva's like excuse me sir she is my guest she is my guest I'm surprised Geneva did not like you know immediately called the ACLU at this moment Geneva's like I'm not going to pay that security guard his fare for coming over here yeah there's a civil rights you're just kicking her out because she's black and the security yeah the security guard is like some rental from the front of Filene's basement like he's really going to carry some six foot five tranny out of there no girl he's like please don't make me fight and he's like yeah you kick him out of here you get him out of here have them removed and he's like oh sir it's like no now i said remove him but Jesus man what is it with these shows and i say all housewives shows with men getting into fights with the women that's crazy hey Dimitri if you don't want shit to go down at your book signing don't invite a reality show into it that's the at the end of it of course it's going to go down like that of course if you're gonna give them a gift don't like invite your boozy friends you know like you even said it she even basically said the reason why she invited them was because she want like she wants to get a lot of people there so like a retweet she said it again she's like it's important because you know you need people who will do twitter it's a big deal it's like a big deal like Mike is being extra extra right now and like it's a big deal um now in her defense which there really isn't one for her because she's just an asshole but in her defense they were being rude and yeah Chantal was literally making fun of her while she was up there and her boyfriend was near she was making fun of her openly so it was rude i'm not saying it wasn't rude but i mean who cares whatever it's in a club it's not like it's in the library for christ sake be quiet yeah yeah i agree um so then Greg tries to kick him out and then the security guard won't do it and michael won't let him and Chantal won't leave which i love that she they just sat there and ignored his stupid ass which hey Greg welcome to your experience of marriage because if you really think that your woman is going to listen to you act like that much of a dick once you're married no honey that's over the woman's about to take over so buckle your seat belts i can't wait to see newlyweds you're one with your stupid ass getting dragged over the coals by your wife in the console yeah exactly um let's see uh blah blah i think that's woman how to date online is an educated woman shut up Demetria um i think that's basically it well next week the good stuff for next week is Greg not wanting certain people at the wedding because they've been disrespect oh yeah geniva because she's been disrespectful and then Demetria like i can't believe you're doing this to me this is a big deal yeah this show super fun in general it was a super fun episode yeah i need less Demetria in my way oh wait there was one funny thing i forgot to mention when daisy was sitting outside the club like crying because her med tension up and then arzo and yesterday show up and they sort of like didn't know what to do and ours was like oh don't cry the meds are gonna come and she's like and then ours was like well you look really pretty and then he says like yeah you look great yeah you look really pretty so that's just that so even though your cancer might come back at least you look really good so also when she was saying yesterday it's like what's wrong and she's like oh she left her cancer pill like she's waiting for cancer pills and she's like freaking out you know and they were yeah she did and you know she was so happy she's like i'm so glad i don't have to go on this stupid Q&A i'd much rather wait out here for cancer pills than to listen to Demetria's Q&A i know i'm surprised it didn't stay outside she's like oh the Q&A's going on i've got to get in there so my face can frown as much as my eyebrows it's just the way it is you know super fun i don't storyline of waiting for the cancer pills was just i was just laughing it was the dumbest thing i've ever seen yeah but i'm at the club i'm at a club waiting for the guy with their cancer pills and he's not here yet ladies like seriously bitch you're at the griffin right now waiting for cancer pills come on it's not like an epipen you're not going to just like grow cancer right now you know just because you smell the peanut or whatever it smells like immediately gonna save you anyway anyway it's enough you know doing this show now two times no money on the bonus episode you would think that it would talk me out but i'm actually talking more than ever i can i think this episode is like three hours long it is it is and the bonus was like an hour today so thank you everybody for who's even listening to this i know it's all i do listeners from for crying out loud who are like why did these women recommend guys oh i think everybody's so much for all your support we are loving doing this show and i'm loving talking so much so thanks for the platform guys uh yeah find us on facebook.com talk to other listeners uh post your links there throughout the week or housewise bravo related links and laugh with us and let us laugh with you your ringers will be up tomorrow for subscribers our bonus is great today check that out on patreon.com/watchwickcrapins to subscribe and for our social media links come over to watchwickcrapins.com to find us on instagram et cetera et cetera next week actually next episode thursday if you've even listened to this one yet because let's face it you're not going to finish this till monday but thursday we have moths coming on oh yes molly macklear yes molly macklear who were actually both fans of and met at a podcast thing at the writer's guild actually been met her because i was just eating the chill you met her too you met her i did but you're very you're so good at social situations and i'm not i'm like i won't be eating these cookies you guys you guys talk but anyway we met her she was super fun and then our friend angie he you guys know hooked us all up on twitter yesterday and we're the we're the laziest podcasters we met this girl we could have just tweeted at her and been like hey you want to come on a show but we're like yeah we'll get around to it so angie yeah angie's like i'm gonna do this for you guys so she tweets at her and wakes up and molly requested that we spend a lot of time talking about her obsession southern charm so we owe southern charm actually because we've really gonna do the short shift or short so thursday will be a lot of short-shrift so i think thursday will be a lot of new york and southern charm and we'll touch on shaws but it's just be prepared skip shaws all together so take that darling darling i don't think that's gonna happen well maybe we'll let we'll let molly go yeah we'll let molly go and then we'll talk about shaws but be ready yes because it is going to be a southern charm real housewives of new york intensive with the moles who yeah because last week we didn't because last week we didn't talk about it much because michelle doesn't michelle watches shaws but not southern charm so this week it'll be the inverse we'll have a lot of you guys can follow moles at moles m-o-l-l-s on twitter if you guys want to ask her things to bring up on the show or if you guys have any questions for her or anything please feel free to use the twitter because she's very good at that and the tumbler and all of that good stuff and she just responds she's very responsive yeah and other than that i'm gonna shut my fat fucking pile yeah we are still talking we are talking about talking i'm that person who never hangs up but you know what i'm gonna hang out now bye everybody say goodbye bye love you bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like regi wats taught glass lies a slice finger slicing drab and friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and i still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own own benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and i love you to the insurance company that's spurned me our time together has come to an end it's not me it's you we both know 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