Is it just me or is TV gotten really complicated? Thankfully, Fylo has changed that for me, one service, all the stuff I need. Fylo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss, live on networks like A&E, Paramount, Discovery and TLC. Classics like The Office, Martin and Friends that I never get sick of, and all the incredible originals on AMC+ from Mad Men Hello to Orphan Black. And don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and re-watch anytime for a whole year. Never miss a minute of shows like The Golden Girls, you know I'm always watching The Golden Girls, and Fylo has it. Best of all, with Fylo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contract, no hassles. Just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Fylo.tv and check it out for a free seven-day trial. That's P-H-I-L-O dot TV to start watching. Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles that you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. There's more to imagine when you listen, and one title that I've been listening to is my friend, Neil J. Young's Coming Out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text Crapins to 500-500. Do you find yourself longing for the utter nonsense and bullshit EvanderPump rules? Or miss the heavy makeup and radioactive orange spray tans of the Jersey Shore? Don't have the patience to watch yet another reality TV show? Well, I hear you there. The solution is the only way is Jamie. A newish web series covering every season of the UK reality show The Only Way is Essex, which if you have not seen that show is hilarious. You can catch Jamie Z. That's J-A-Y-M-E and the all British shenanigans on YouTube telling. I mean, come on. We've all got questions. What's the pictures of? [Laughter] Hey everyone, welcome to the Watch what Crapins podcast. The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karim from Trash Talk TV and as usual, I'm with the handsome and talented Ben Mandelker from the beside blog and the mantra blender Hello Ben. Thank you so much, Sara, to interrupt you. I just got so excited when you called me handsome and talented. Well, come on, Ben. I can't be the only one. Oh, Ronnie. Today we're joined by our fabulous hilarious, thin and gorgeous, banged friend, Michelle Collins. Hello, Michelle. Hi, everyone, I'm Michelle Collins. For those of you who don't know who Michelle is, please get a TV guide, okay? Yeah, she's from The View. She's from that VH1. The Walk of Same Subtle. She's from the Kathy, Kathy Griffin to Kathy. Yeah, because you're not imagining your child, Kathy. It's from if she and she's from Twitter @mychcall, M-I-C-H-C-O-L. Um, here's all you need to get the Griffin Show. Well, here's all you need to know is that Michelle is probably one of the funniest people of all time. That's really the nice of things. Well, I'm from the heart. I say from heart. I do. I've actually said it to many people. Behind your back. I've said it behind your back. Wow. And I'll say it to your face. I'll say it to your face. I truly think that Michelle is super funny and y'all are about to hear some of it. Michelle, goodness. Michelle, that was a joke. That's all on the hit series channel yesterday. Yeah, we actually started this half an hour ago, but ended up talking about Roombas and the view and stuff. So if you want to hear all that, please go over to patreon.com/watchworkcrapins and listen to that bonus episode. And thanks to everybody who subscribes there. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com/watchworkcrapins to talk shit with us during the week and find Michelle @mychcall on Twitter. She's also got a show coming up next week at UCB, the upright Citizens Brigade Theatre on Franklin. It's Wednesday night. 8 p.m. right, Michelle? Yes. Kind of runny. You have a beautiful speaking voice, by the way. He does. He really sounds like Malith Lewis to quote George Costanza. Yeah, the show is-- He's like astronomy in those central-- Yes, very good, I love that. Delicious, but fatty. Anyways, it is fatty. Papa Strong is the kind of meat that I'll eat. I probably eat it once every 10 years, and then after I do, I immediately look like Hugh Downs, because I'm so dehydrated. Like, it takes every ounce of water out of my body. And I'm just there, like, the tiny head and beetle juice. Like, does anybody have water? I'm thirsty. Hugh Downs. Oh, man, anyways. Yeah, the show is called "Lawls Angeles." Yeah. It's 8 p.m. UCB Franklin, and it's going to be really, really funny. It's like my favorite thing to do. It's always great crowd. It's not an hour. It's super funny. We also drinking after five bucks can't be done. Yeah, so if you're in Los Angeles or you're in the area, like, definitely spend that five bucks and go to the show. I'm going to go-- I've seen none of that. I'm going to go to Ms. Shale. Ms. Shale. We're all going to go-- I'll say good giveaways for you guys. Okay, good. Oh, yeah. I want the purse that you're about to return to Glendale. Oh, well, it's not a purse. I bought a vase at anthropology. It was a vase of all. It was, like, shit out by, like, an ancient Mayan. It's so ugly. I have to return. And then, what all the returns? I've got a piano. I love the knobs at anthropology. Like the little cabinet knobs and stuff. I'm always going through the anthropology drawers and looking at crystal knobs. And I bought one from my bathroom. It's like an emerald, marine crystal knob. Crystal knobs is my poor name. Can I say something? I too love their knobs. Did you get some recently? Yes, wait, I have a whole thing. I bought on clearance the most beautiful, like, really extreme mid-century knobs I'd answer for, like, two bets or for nothing. Where am I putting these knobs? Because the thing is, is that I have-- I have Ikea dressers. I have two-- like, CB2 dressers when I key ones. There's no way I have to hire someone to come in and, like, drill a knobs down. It's, like, too much. Yeah. Well, I'll ask that for you, silly bet. I have a drill. Just call me. I'll come do it. I just sit all together. You can't even walk in my house if there's an earthquake. You'll die. Wait, really? You do that? You just, like, change or not? I hire you to come to my apartment and then he's rolling it down. I'm serious. Yes, you don't have to hire me. I'll come do it. But I do have to preface this with-- I bought a doorknob for math or apology for my door and put it on. And, you know, like, the bar that goes between the two knobs, like, in the hole, you know, the knob-- or the bar you put in the hole or whatever? It's five times too long for a normal door. I'm like, who the hell's door is this thick? It's, like, a castle door, you know? Yeah, wait, but that is the thing too with their drawer poles. This is crystal, like, five feet. So I'm, like, poking my bras with it. I'm, like, I'm going to use this. So it has this thick hurt. It's, like, medieval fucking furniture. It's silly. Like, really rich wives buying these-- every time I go in, I say these women are buying these knobs and I, like, look at the envy. I'm, like, they must have such thick dressers, like, wow. Oh, what the hell? Do you poor people just have, like, really thin wood? It's doors? I don't get it. No. It's confusing too because I hate anthropologists' clothing, like, a fucking curse. Like, to me, it looks like poor kibbutz neck from Jerusalem, like, and, like, coming from milking the goats. It's, like, it's just a fear, and it's expensive, and it's ugly as shit. Some of the stuff is okay, like, whatever. But then the home stuff, like, my apartment right now looks like the set of jimachi, like, I have every plate, every knob, every blanket, every sheet. Like, I love their home stuff. So it's curious to me that I'm so into their aesthetic in the home, but not on my body. Yeah, no, yeah. What is that about? I don't know. They're, like, rich hippie. You know, it's, like, for rich hippies, and I don't believe in rich hippies. Like, hippies don't go after-- hippies don't spend that much money on clothes, you know? It's like, try to stop looking peaceful. Yeah, I don't need you to be peaceful. Listen, it's not sexy, but yet in the house, I find it very cozy. I think that's why, yeah. Well, maybe why don't we use it as a segue, talking about tacky things, or bad decor, or bad fashions? Why don't we talk about Shah as a sunset? I'd love to. All right, let me find that. I had my notes. You guys like that segue? I was like, how did I get from anthropology to bravo? No, you know, it's funny you bring it up, because I was looking at it as an office apartment. Yeah. You know, it's nice. It is really nice. It's really nice. It's a little bit like the park room. Uh-oh. Excuse me, can you edit that burp? Yeah, yeah. I'm really good with editing. I spent a lot of time on post-production. It's like the park running, mark that. It's a little bit parker and pop. If you just put like a man singing opera over that, for like a second, that would be great. Um, you know, it's like very palm-springsy, which it's like very like rich hate-y, almost. You would think that Asa's house would be filled with all sorts of gold knick-knacks and Persian rugs, and like, and sort of antique-y looking things, but she's actually very modern and chic. It's like Hollywood glam or whatever. Yeah. It's in a Reza designer for her. Did someone come in? No, if Reza designed a verse, you'd have Chevron on every single wall. Oh, god. Yeah, did you see his apartment? No, it's like velvet wallpaper with gold chevrons. No. It looks like his apartment looks like a detour or something. You guys, by the way, if you don't follow the TSA on Instagram, it's a huge mistake, not too, because they first of all post all the weapons that people try to go on airplanes with, which is like terrifying, but also nice that they're catching it like live grenades and things like that. Oh, god. But anyways, somebody left a $100,000 diamond-encrusted Cartier watch. Honestly, it's ugly. Like, I don't-- I mean, it looks like I'm trying to turn it back. Yeah, shots of sunset. Shots of sunset, if you're listening. There's a watch there. You lost your watch. That's what I'm saying. I mean, it is pretty fun. Anyways. So that's a shot. Yeah, so OK, so I'll-- I'm trying to remember how this episode-- that's what we're going to do with this. I have a lot of news. I can take this through. So it starts with, also, making food. Because every episode of this show starts with somebody making food, because that's the only way these people see each other, is if there's like a platter of food on the table. That's the only way they'll go to each other's homes. Do you guys feed your friends? I don't feed my friends. Uh, you know, I will. I'll buy, like, um, yeah. I-- if I-- like, it depends. Wait, hold on. There's, like, a chocolate emergency. I'm really horrified, because, like, we're sitting at Ben's table. Can I say this? Yeah. And I looked at my finger, and there was melted chocolate on. Like, can I vomit? Like, weird-- I don't know. I think it must have been. I had a-- I had a, uh, think thin bar, and it must have been that when I opened it, like, some of the sprinkles fell down. Well, I'm nearly going to throw it, because now I have it in my nail bed. Well, this is a thin cup of my mouth. It's OK. It's just chocolate. It's just chocolate. But it's like when you find, like, melted brown stuff, I'm your finger, and you know where it comes from, it's upsetting. Anyways. So it starts with Reza and Asa talking about the Jessica thing that happened last week. Oh, yeah. You know? Reza is so pissed, and he's sweating through this whole scene. And he just saw big and sweaty, and he's like, "That girl came down with a martini and a diamond ring." Which is kind of true. It's true. It really did. It's like, once that bitch got a ring and a drink in her, forget it. Damn, girl. I hope she doesn't join the junior league, because that's going to be ugly. They are. I find them hard to be very obnoxious. She is very spoiled. And he is spoiled in the obnoxious. And Reza was correct when he basically said, at some point during the show, I think it was around this time that she just wants to have a husband. She wants the ring. She wants to have the babies. And she doesn't want to think-- she can't deal with the fact that Mike is probably acting this way. So it's easier for her to just, like, go at the friends, which is exactly what she did. But she was very, very spoiled. I mean, the fact that remember a little bit later on in the episode, Jessica and Mike go out to dinner. And then she's like, OK, we have six months. And then after that, we're having a baby. And it's just like, you know, this woman is just-- She's young, too, right? How old is she? She's 25. Yeah, that's young. Well, you never know what. She's got a 50-year-old face, because she's had all the same plastic surgery. It's like, you can't tell it turns you into a different race, you know? Yeah. I have a major issue with that. What's your issue? I mean, what's just plastic surgery in general where I feel like when girls-- I have friends who are, you know, 30, 31, and they're getting Botox. And I understand why they're doing it, but it's also-- It's preventative, that's what they were saying. It's preventative, but it's also making them look 50, because you're now equalizing yourself so women who are 45. Right. And on top of that, all the women who are in their fifties are sixties who are getting plastic surgery. It doesn't really make them look younger. They just look like they've got plastic surgery. But what happens is make them look a little younger. Yeah, but it's similar to what you're saying. It is equalizing, because now it doesn't-- you don't look-- when you get plastic surgery, that look is associated with a certain age. Right. So when you do that, you're associating yourself with that age. Let me say something. My mom had her eyes done. She's in her sixties. She had never gotten anything touched, which is surprising, because she's a very glamorous Jewish woman in Miami. But she finally-- she actually went to Ina Garten's first cousin, Dr. Storch. Really? She never played that. I don't think you told me that I was in Ina Garten's first cousin. Yeah, it's a honey. I love like I met him when I was back a few weeks ago. And she did. So she looks really good now, and she's now getting fillers. Like, basically, he's created a monster. But she's like, oh, about it. Like, she's like, 60, you know, something years old. It's just a time when you should do it. But when you're 25, like, this girl, Jessica, it's ridiculous. She's not good, because she's getting, like, her eyes pulled back, and she's starting to get kind of, like, her myth of frog eyes. I don't like it. You know, she's going to be-- she's going to be one of these mommies. That's going to be all about being a mommy, because she's set her goal in life to be married and have children, which, in and of its-- I think it's great if you want to start a family and you want to have kids and all that stuff. But you can see that this is, like, her greatest ambition. It's like the only ambition. And you know, she's going to be one of those really super annoying mommies where she's just going to, like, fill Facebook with all this. You know, it's just going to be, like, she's going to talk about mommy and me screenings at the movie theater. She's just-- No, I disagree. You don't think she's going to be, like, no, no, no, no, no. She's not going to go to mommy and me screening. She's going to be still, like, a kim-k style, still going shopping and doing all this stuff. But now she has an accessory in tow. Yeah. It's not going to be about the kid. It's going to still be about her. Right. It's going to-- yeah, I know what you're saying. Like, when she converted to Judaism, I was actually very touched by this. Yeah, that was actually a very nice scene. I agree. And I-- and the thing is, let's be honest. You know, it's like, I'm not going to mention names, but I know people wear. Sometimes, you know, someone who's dating someone you don't like. And you're like, ooh, I hate that girl. But then you're like, well, who else is going to date this guy? Right. Well, that's true, yeah. He's back. I mean, Mike, he's cute, you know. But he's not super smart. I mean, I need to say it. She's very rich. So he's really getting something out of this. Yeah, exactly. And I want to say they're kind of a perfect match. No, they-- they are. He's not, like, some great guy, like, some philanthropist size. Listen, I am not questioning-- I'm not questioning the relationship. There's no chocolate on your phone. I know. Michelle is still, like, she dies like-- Look, it's still there. Look, anyways, just go on. Michelle is on chocolate patrol now. I really am. Like, all of my arms. Oh, you guys, that's the problem. That guy is the most-- When you talk, don't hit the table, because it goes, boom, in the mic. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I'm like, mommy, Ronnie, but I am really sorry. The new microphone is the new microphone is, like, sensitive with the audio. Have you ever heard of this person? No. OK. Continue. So anyway, then MJ shows up in her gene jogging pants. Yeah. And just had to point that out, because why? She really gets a body confidence, God bless. MJ is, like, inspiring to me. Because here's a girl, you know, she really wears what she can wear, because she's so short, and she has to speak to hits in a big ass. That if she wore anything flowing, she would probably look twice the size. You have to think about it that way. That's true. Yeah, I don't think about those things when it comes to fashion. That's all I think about. Yeah, MJ shows it all off. So Reza announces that he's going to have his wedding in Thailand. Yeah, that's definitely somebody without poor friends, because I would kill my friend if they had a destination wedding in Thailand. Like, fuck off. I'm not doing that. But then he's already becoming Bradzilla, because he's doing this, like, if you want to come to my wedding, like, Reza's getting really bitchy about this. Like, I don't want you there. I don't want that person there. And, of course, he's not going to invite Mike. And rightly so, because Jessica just said she hates him. So I mean, but also, by the way, one of Reza's favorite things to do is to divide and conquer. He, like, season after season, he likes to take one person and alienate them from the group. So right now, he's going after Mike and especially Jessica. So by him saying, well, I'm not going to invite Mike to the wedding, or, like, I'm not going to invite Jessica. I mean, that's, like, his favorite thing to do. I agree. First of all, you know, I love Reza so much. I think he is one of the funniest people on TV in case you're listening. I genuinely love him. I met him years ago at the new now next door. Yeah, I remember. And I'm not going to say he was warm, you know what I mean? He was actually, he was not, yeah. He wasn't. And that hurt, if he's listening. Yeah. Because I'm actually someone you would really like, but it's OK. I still love him, and I still think he's like, that shows you how funny he is, that I didn't hold it against him. That being said, I kind of agree. First of all, I know what you're saying with Thailand. It is expensive. The ticket is expensive. But I think once you're there, it's, like, dirt cheap. You have, like, little boys doing everything for you. And I mean everything. And then, oh, I kind of get why he wouldn't invite them. You know, I'm the same way. No, yeah, I get it. I'm sorry. I'm a cancer. I've gotten really into astrology lately. Really? Yeah, weirdly. I've been reading Susan Miller's horoscopes. I don't know if this is something either of you are familiar with, but she's basically a mind reader, and she's incredibly accurate. And it's like, I went back to reading up the last few months. She was then on for each month. I mean, it's pretty crazy. But anyways, as a cancer, I'm very sensitive. And if somebody wrongs me, I really cut them out. I'm not saying that Reza shouldn't be disinviting Mike. I'm just saying he's probably so excited to do it. Yeah, I know what you mean. I heard that I do it in her. So I know what you're saying. Yeah, it's very him. Yeah, the reason I was saying he's turning into Brightzilla is because in the later scene, they're at-- Pablo the dog's memorial service, where suddenly it's appropriate to start this big fight, which was kind of sad. And then they show poor Pablo sleeping in that big poster board picture. And meanwhile, Reza is like sweating tears or whatever. He's like, you're not going to get to come. I said, you need to come if you do this to me. I don't know. He's already turning into that. I don't like Reza. I think he's a asshole. He is funny, though. I would stuff Reza just like him in my apartment, much like-- With someone else's teeth. Yeah, the best part was this taxidermy scene with GT not understanding what taxidermy is. She's like, we're all of those animals alive? Well, first, GG is the worst when it comes to these scripted moments when they're clear they said, OK, going to a taxidermis. And then you're going to be freaked out. And then GG is like, you can tell. She's like, OK, here's what we do. She's like, wait. These animals were alive. Well, that just grosses me out. That grosses me out. That's weird. I'm like, whatever. You have 10 million knives. You love this shit. But the cat on the floor? The cat on the floor, first of all, Ty's back, too. I'm going to mention them again, mama's family. Very famous episode where Ayola, god bless, had a cat stuffed, and every time they pet it, I would go, meow. I won't look at them. I mean, anyways, god, mama's family was a fucking funny episode. Where is that show? I know. Why is it not on TV land or even Hallmark? Let me put two plugs in for two shows I'd like to see back on TV. Yeah. It's throwbacks. Yeah. Mama's family. And do you know what I'm going to say? I'm going to say-- I'm going to actually two more, but I'll say one. Go. I was going to say, Mr. Belvedere, Golden Girls. That's older, very, very old, like from the '50s. Oh, oh, why not, Mr. Rad? Well, now you bring up a good point. Like, Mr. Rad is my favorite show on TV, but they do show it on the Hallmark channel, so I can't complain. Mr. Rad is actually the funniest show on TV, and if you're not TV-aring it every weekend, I don't even know what to say, because it's we laughing. Anyways, and I actually would like to buy one of his costumes. Again, you can edit all this out. No, car 54, where are you? Oh. Which was written and starring the same people from the monsters. It's the same writing team or whatever. The funniest fucking show may be ever, and I haven't seen it since college, and I used to cry laughing from it. Anyways, back to "Resil, let's be modern," you know? Yeah, exactly. Falafel 54, where are you? [LAUGHTER] The taxidermuseum was so scripted. I know. And that poor guy, I mean, listen, it was disgusting, but-- I didn't even think it was disgusting. I mean, taxidermuseum is this thing that's been around for ages. And like, Gigi's acting, like, it's some freak thing. I mean, it's just like, it felt too forced to me now. Yeah, I mean, has she ever been to a Natural History Museum? Has she never seen a deer mounted on? It's just like the Natural History Museum. It's one of my least-- Yeah, but Gigi was acting as if she just-- like, it was like she'd never even heard of taxidermy. Like, but you know, Gigi is also-- She's also so dumb. She is very dumb. I'm so really dumb, yeah. Her date, her date at the bowling-- I mean, I could not-- No, no, we cannot move on from taxidermy. I like taxidermy because all these questions you have, like, what position you're going to have your animal in. And LaCou chose to have that cat in a hissing position. How do they do that? And why are they surprised that they take the skin? Do you think they're just going to, like, freeze the insides of the dogs? She's shocked that they're going to take the skin and the teeth, and she's mad that they're going to take the eyes. And then she doesn't want to do it because all the original parts are gone. Well, look at Gigi, you're still friends with her? She doesn't have her original part. I just don't understand the thinking in this. Y'all, she's dumb too. Yeah, and you know what? It's not her real teeth. I think the taxidermist may not have been a great taxidermist because according to what he said about the cat, he said the owners wanted the cat's mouth open. So that way, every time they looked down at it, it'd be like, meow, which I thought was so funny. But then he put those teeth in, like, a piranha. Like, that way, he should just not have any teeth in there. The teeth really looked bad. The teeth were terrible. Although you want to know one of my favorite things I'm glad we're talking about it again. Optopic. Google, small cat teeth. Cat teeth, not the big face, but the tiny four that are at the bottom, you know what I mean? Like the little baby front teeth. And I think, I cry laughing. There's, like, literally one pixel size. So there's so little-- Right. Let's pull some pictures up for me. I also really loved when the surviving dog, like, could not make sense of the cat on the floor and kept sniffing at them right away. No, I have to say, that was genius cinematography. Yeah. Very good. Wait, I'm looking small. I think that's the first time that compliment has ever, ever been given to this show. No, really, wait. That was genius cinematography. It's the only reason they did that. Wait, so, like, to use it? Wait, this is really-- OK, these pictures are-- Wait, this is not a cat teeth. Look on this. Move. No, please, move. No. I hate that. Click on this. I don't let-- no. What are you talking about? This? Wait, you don't think this is funny? It's doing-- that's, like, this is disgusting. This is, like, when I'm in. This is disgusting. No, hold on a minute. I cannot be-- I cannot endorse this Google image search. Just look up-- excuse me. Like, this-- I mean, those are gross. No, I can't. This is-- Literally, you've stopped. These are hilarious. These little guys come on. I can't. All right. It's OK. So the-- so the next part is the secret-- the secret bachelor party. Because Reza wants to, like, fuck people. And Adam just wants to have a picnic. What the hell? He is-- you know, I can't believe that he's just 30 now. I mean, he-- Oh, God. He reads like he's 47. Well, he looks like 35, but OK. But either way, at the very least, he is definitely older. Yeah. Like, he-- I mean, he's much younger than you'd expect. Being like he's just 30 now. He acts young. I feel like he acts very much more. He just sort of acts with plain and boring, you know? I mean, I-- I mean, I guess I can see the merits in a picnic bachelor party, but I don't-- I don't know. I think, first of all, this entire situation is like a little contrived. I mean, the fact that they are having these, like, rival bachelor parties the same night and then you can't-- some people can't go to both-- is, like, clearly a reality TV. Oh, TV. Yeah. Exactly. Well, now they're going to have a fake one where everybody goes, and then they're going to have a secret one where it gets some big. Yeah. Oh, that's funny, actually. Yeah. And Adam says, well, I don't care if he wants to have strippers. I'll just stand there and watch. With, you know, welcome to your 50s as a get couple. OK, let's-- let's leave that for later. Could anything be more of a boner-tiller than, like, than, like, having Adam standing in the corner watching you? [LAUGHTER] [INAUDIBLE] It's like a new version of a Japanese horror movie. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] You know, it's funny, because one of my best friends is getting married on May 23. And she's extremely low-key trying to think of, like, the pun, like, low-key, like, whatever. Anyway, so I was, like, begging her, like, to a bachelor at party, like, do anything. And she just doesn't-- you know what I'm talking about. She's still not into that. That's, like, not her vibe. But in the meantime, you know, I met Tyson Beckford on the view. And he grinded on me. She's all googled. It was, like-- My dream come true. It was-- no. It was my dream. Yeah, and he straddled you. He got on top of your ass. Close, y'all. I mean, if you look at my knees, if you watch the clip, I look like an old black woman in church. Like, oh, my legs are split open. You know when it's, like, hot, and they're trying to get a breeze up there? That's, like, what's happening to me. But anyways, so he's at Chippendales in Las Vegas. And I was, like, to my friend, like, let's go to Vegas, because he will-- and she loves him. I was, like, he will dab in it, like, grind on you, and probably me. So, like, let's go back, and she doesn't want to go. What? So we're not going. How could she turn that down? But it just reminded me, talking about this, that, like, some people are not into dick parties. Yeah, no, I get that. Like, I went to a bachelor party back in September. That was just, like, a bunch of us, like, being like a cabin in Tahoe and just, like, playing beer pong. And I was, like, there's no stripper in sight. And that was, like, totally fun. I want to be your dog. You want to be your dog when you're your dog? Where I have to-- I have to set the dog in the night. I don't like strippers. They hurt my feelings. Because they're just, like, they're so nice, and I fall forward every time. It's like, when you take a girl to a gay bar that has go-go boys, every straight girl I've brought is like, that stripper likes me. It's like, no, it's like, don't. You know, they're doing it for dollars. I've had my heart broken a million times. It's like, last week. Your straight friends sound dumb. Because, like, obviously, gay bars do nothing for me. Because it's like, why would I even get excited by-- Well, because a lot of the go-go dancers are straight. And they have these amazing bodies. And they tell every girl who puts a dollar in their G-string. They're like, hey, like, what's going on? They flirt with them. And so, like, so many girls will be like, oh my god, the go-go dancer totally likes me. And you're like, oh, sweetheart. Yeah, but that's not sweetheart. I'm not, like, drawn to guys to go-go dance a gay bar. Exactly. Actually, some of them may be interested in the girls, but they are also like, they have a girl every single night. Yeah. I mean, haven't you all seen Magic Mike? No, but I love the preview where he's saying, do you know what I would have to do for a 20? Like, just talking about all the stuff they have to do for a dollar. I mean, it's true. Girl strippers get a lot of money for doing very little. Guy strippers don't get anything. I mean, to get a man to give another man a dollar, you could just go to the gym for $60 a month and see that shit for free every day. Why would I need to go see you dance poorly, you know? Why would I go to a gym, you know? Yeah, exactly. Well, that is why I go, because I don't go to the gym. So I go to the gym. Like, hey, could you just take a shower and-- So then meanwhile, so we're setting up this bachelor party situation. And then I think the next big thing in the episode was that there was this memorial, right? This memorial for-- Publow. For hobbies. Yeah, memorial for Pablo. Yeah, that was kind of boring. And then it was just a big fight. But then there was also this big stupid scene, and it's foreshadowing of the rest of the season, which is really depressing. But this Asafa chick fighting all of her bad plastic surgery boyfriend. You know, Asafa is so worthless on the show. She's very, very annoying, and Bobby is also very annoying. I can't stand Bobby. Bobby, like, can't do his scripted lines without smiling. Yeah. He-- like, they're a stupid chick. Like, she doesn't shower, but the dog. She doesn't hold the dog. And then she's like, Bobby, will you take this dog from me already? Like, I can't hold the dog. I'm like, the dog smells. I'm like, oh my god. There's nothing in here more also than couples where they've, like, divorced her now back together. Like, couples can't figure their shit out. It makes my eyes spin. Yeah. Like, the last thing I want to hear is her complaining about, like, when am I in a ring? Well, bitch, you already had your ring. You had a fucking ring, girl. A nouveau ring. Yeah. And you didn't know what man you got out. I mean, a lot of love. I mean, you know, she's pretty. I feel like she could-- She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. But she's like-- she is, like, a spoiled princess. And he is, like, a 55-year-old with, like, a-- not a boyfriend. And, like, going to your friends, of course, girls go to each other and talk amongst ourselves about our boyfriends and stuff. But what boyfriend goes to one of the girlfriend's friends to bitch about it? Especially on a camera, what are you doing? I don't want to watch that. On her birthday. At base on her birthday, yeah. And then she's like, he didn't even get me a card. He got you a fucking gigantic diamond necklace. What do you need a card for, you know? It's, like, base for me. Ooh, base so for me. But there is a lot of your fridge. I think I'm, like, shawsed out. Yeah, no, I think-- I mean, that was basically the main stuff with shawsed, except for the memorial, which we talked about, where a reservoir basically goes, tells Mike, et cetera, about the wedding, and, you know, whatever. I still have to see the put a little bit. Like, I think that the-- This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. We're back to tell you more about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit, StreamMax with ads, included at no extra cost. You know what's a great night for us? Ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the max original hacks. Which won best comedy, deservedly so. And we love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart, but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu, who also is a huge Bravo fan. Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks, but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza, sometimes it's a salad, and I can get both with DoorDash. How about some ice cream? That's what I like to eat with my hacks. 100% I will double dash. I will get a salad and then double dash some ice cream. Why not? Sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max has now included with your dash pass annual plan. Stream max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply, see door dash.com/max for details. With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. When Mint Mobile says $15 a month when you purchase a three month plan, they mean it. Oh my goodness, I cannot tell you how many times with other mobile providers. I thought I was going to be paying one thing per month and then surprise, I'm paying much more and I just love that Mint Mobile is straight up. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. To get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com/crapins. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com/crapins. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only, speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply, see Mint Mobile for details. - The season has been too manipulative by producers. - Yeah, it's been up and down, I think. There have been some episodes I've been really into it and some I'm just like, whatever. - Yeah, I've been enjoying it, but like having a faux rape storyline where the girl didn't, like nothing happened is awkward. I don't really like watching that. - Yeah, exactly. - Although I do like stuff that it brings, like I love the Matlock lie detector guy. (all laughing) - Get out, get out, go! - Love that guy so much, oh my God. - So let's move on, which would you talk about, face, that's a charm or real housewives of New York? - Let's have a little, actually maybe we should get southern charm out of the way. I'm gonna be 100% upfront, I've never watched it before. - Yeah. - I find the previews annoying, so I just never got into it. It was no gallery girls, I think. - Well, I mean, yeah. And for this podcast, we'll come early today to watch it. And I really found it annoying. (all laughing) - Well, that was it. Here's the thing, I actually think that with southern charm, there's a little bit of like a learning curve because I remember the first few times I watched it, I was like, but then I grew to actually enjoy its charms, no pun intended, because it's like a bunch of rich assholes, but they're acting in a different way than like the Shah's are or the real housewives. They're just kind of like all wealthy together and doing wealthy things and being sort of like subtly shady to each other. I think it's like very refreshing difference. - So maybe this can be more of a primer for me, so that I can get into it, because here's what I took away from it. - Yeah, please. - That hottest shit guy, I have to be honest, he is hot, the wearer. - Which one? Oh, Craig? - The one who got fired? - Oh, God. But you know, he's not my type. - I mean, he's my type in that. He's like a disgusting rapist, you know? (all laughing) I think he's like hottest, but I was like kind of annoyed at how hot he was. I mean, he's like really douchey, clearly. - Yeah, he's soup stooge. - You can tell, but I, so I like him. - Yeah. - So then him, the blonde girl who drove around is he single, what's his story? - Oh, the blonde one, that's Cameron, she's from Real World, San Diego. Remember? - No. - No, she's actually, I really like her lot. She is-- - She seemed nice. - She's nice, and she's like the, she's the Greek choir a little bit, Greek chorus. (all laughing) She's a Greek choir. - The Greek, and the Greek are a choir. - Yeah, basically they just cut to her and she says how stupid everybody is. - Oh, I got it. - Yeah, yeah, she's really good. - Whitney is the guy who's ridiculous. He's the one who's like 47. He's the one with a bad hair piece. - Is he the one with the German girlfriend? - Yeah. - I have a lot of questions. - Please, yes, ask. - First of all, I thought he was not straight when I first started. - Yes, that's what everyone thinks. - Am I wrong? Like, I was just like, okay. - Oh God, yeah, he wears a hat that says meet and he has another hat that says jumbo's clown room. And then he has a band called Reenob that means boner backwards. - Can I say something? - Yeah, he's-- - I'm like, my balls right now are Xs. (all laughing) - He has a hat that says meet like M-A-T. - Yeah, he's like four. So here's the thing. Here's the thing with Whitney. He's like 48 years old. He just moved out of his mom's house. Like last, the-- - Temporarily, by the way. - Temporarily. His whole thing is that he wants to be a filmmaker and he lived in LA for a little bit and he tries to be all hipster with his jumbo's clown room, et cetera, et cetera. - That's what he's here. - But he's basically like a super conservative, Republican, southern guy who wants to live the life of like a cool rock star or whatever. But he can't 'cause he can't get out of his own like conservatism. And he's got a terrible, terrible hair piece. I felt bad. There was a close-up of his hair this time and the wind blew his hair and you could see the seams, the seam, the seams of the hair piece. - Oh my gosh. - Just as sad. - Then his girlfriend, what's her story? She's German, but she's Russian obviously, you know? She's like, you should be-- - Yes, this is the first time that she appeared on the show. - Oh, you're kidding me. - I don't know what she sees in this guy. - Yeah, we've never seen her before on the show, but damn, she's beautiful, she's famous, and she's really young. What is she doing? What does she need from him? - And you have to say it, but she's had a very thick Eastern European accent. Sounds like she has a career and stuff, but I think many times for Eastern European girls, and I don't mean to generalize bad, I will. They don't really give a shit, and he's like rich and like handsome and tall, and you know, he's not-- - He is super cool. - Compared to a lot of the guys that they end up with, he's like a fine, you know? - Pretty much the appeal for Whitney on the show is that his mom, Patricia, is just like the best. - The mom seemed funny. - She's just like wealthy. She doesn't give a shit about people, and she's a total snob. - They're coming over at cocktail hour right now. I'm like, "Lady, it's noon." - I love it. It's great, do you? - She's got bottlers, she rings a bell. I mean, she's sort of like a person you would never want to interact with, but on TV, she's fantastic. - Where's her sunglasses inside? Love it. - And you know, the thing is with Whitney, to get back to the point about the fact that he is this like conservative, non-rockstar type, like if he were really like a rocker, cool, hipster, he wouldn't have given a shit about Craig being fired. But instead when they go to Craig's like, nice little Delaware home, the first thing Whitney does is he kind of just like outs Craig's employment situation to his parents, which was to me so awkward to watch. It was like, it was really like, it was so rude that this guy had invited you to his home, even though Craig is a douche, like who would do that? - Well, he didn't even say anything about the job technically, he just kept, every time the parents would say something nice, he would argue with it and be like, well, not anymore. You know, he's not dedicated anymore. What about what kind of work has it go? Wouldn't win a trophy now. - Yeah, I don't think the guy who's like the lead guitarist in Reenob is allowed to talk about work ethic. - Every time I say Reenob, bang hairs fall out of my soul. I'm like catching loose hair as I can't. - Yeah, but you kind of love the way that guys fight because he got mad and then told them off and then they yell at each other and then it's over. And they're like, I love you, man. And that's it. And that's where there's no real husbands of anything because that show would be over. - Well, that's why this show is so good because they kind of don't follow the rules of what reality starts supposed to do. You know, like Whitney starts this shit and Craig calls him out about it on the golf course and then somehow he opens up like, look, you know, we can live lives like this and not do anything because we're rich, okay? And we're lucky, but that's just the truth. We're rich and you're not, so you have to work, period. I was like, yeah, amen. - I kind of like, oh, bit about the fact that they're just super wealthy from like generations of money. And they're like, well, we're just part of this life and you're not, so you gotta work for it. - Can I say that I'm like not one thing and I barely wanna work. I'm just like, I don't need to do anything. You don't need to do anything. - Yeah, I know, I know. - Hello, who are you talking to? - Yeah, and then I'm trying to think of what else happened on this episode. Anything else happened really? That was significant. - I don't know, it was the most that, well, Shep brought that weird ratchet girl to dinner. That was awkward. - She has a ratchet and she was perfectly nice. - She was Delaware hot. She was Delaware hot. All right, well. - I think she was like hot. - Hot, Delaware hot. (laughing) Ronnie, I'm high, Delaware hot. (laughing) - You're a lay hot baby. - I'm looking through these notes, but of course, I can't figure out which page they're on because I have a notebook where you flip the page over and instead of just getting through the end and then using the backside for the next notebook, I keep flipping it over and writing on the back page and then I can never tell where I am. Does that make any sense? - Well, here's a question. Do we think that Craig is actually going to get his act together or, I mean, he was saying all the right things. No, I've learned that you get your shit together when you hit rock bottom, right? And he's getting money from the show. So, nope. Yeah, it's gonna be, I think it's gonna be a while. I think talk is cheap and he said the things he needed to say to get his parents off his back and to make, you know, sometimes people feel like by talking about those things, they're actually making progress while they're doing his talking. - Yes. - It's like when I talk about going to the gym, you know? - Same. - Or eating healthier? - Yeah, you're like, I'm an alcoholic. Wow, I feel better. I'm an alcoholic, I'm an alcoholic! And then you're kind of wearing it, you know? And then you're just an alcoholic and you're okay with it. - And I'm just happy that it's happening. - I know, this is, we've been working this podcast just to get to this point, right? - This is an intervention. - Yeah. - I know, but I can see these outside. - But we're sending Dr. Phil in. - Yeah, I'm a little worse to have him intervention with 'cause my answer would be, yeah, so. I don't do shit anyway. Like, what are you worried about? I don't drive, I don't work, I don't have kids, I can be drunk. Now, I think the only other thing was that Catherine had bangs this episode, right? Remember her? - You know, let's talk about bangs. I didn't think it looked good in her. - No, her hair, she looked like she was from like 1987, like a lost member of her. - I was gonna say the '77 'cause it's very like '70s, like mamas and the poppas or something, '60s, whatever. You know, as a woman with very prominent bangs. And by the way, my bangs only keep getting thicker and thicker, they're like an entity at this point like, because I keep every time I clip them or I get them cut, whoever's doing it including myself will comb more and more hair in them. So now basically I'm like 90% bang. - I'm like staring at your bangs right now. - Did it, I didn't know that. - They're mesmerizing. - Yeah, I think they look great. They're very, I'd about to say, but they're at the line and very... - The line is good, I just have to use this as mish. - Yeah, yeah. - I come in bangs better than anyone, that's really a fact. And you know, I use our Cineole Hall Scissors, that's a whole other story. But anyways, I am very sensitive to people with bangs because I know men, especially who say, women always look better without bangs, you know? And in my case, I don't think it's true. I like how I look in bangs, but in her case, I was like, I didn't know her even without them. And I was like, please don't know. - Well, one of the problems with the show is that they are clearly taking scenes out of order because Catherine has this, had a lot of baby weight after she gave birth to King's Ting-Ting, Ken's Ting-Ting, whatever, King's Tling. And so what happens is her weight is just going up and down. And so this was clearly a scene that was shot right after she had the baby. And she was doing whatever she could to hide baby fat. So therefore, she had, she just had like all this hair that was like in front of her face, it doesn't work. - There's other ways to do that. - Yeah. I don't even remember what she talks about. - Well, she only got those bangs 'cause she was matted with her boyfriend. I think that any time you get your haircut 'cause you're mad at your boyfriend, it's just the wrong decision. Like break something, don't get bangs. That's not the thing to do. - I had a tattoo for my last break up. - With Tyson. - It just says, I can't even. I can't even. - It's a very resigned skull. - Oh my God, I thought this is kind of redstone dyes. - Oh no. - It just has denies and nearly flipped. I mean, it looks like the cat on shots actually. - Yeah. - Well, either way, I love, I just got that. I love Southern Charm. You know, just not a lot happens on the show, but I just feel like it's very aspirational. Like I just, I want to go to Charleston. I want to be wealthy. I want to put on cat geez. And I want to just like walk around and collect money. - Southern Charm, not the show, but just the idea of it. Never did it for me. And I'm probably, I mean, which is 10th middle of South, although it's like cute, but basically, you know, it's like South America, but if I had money, I would be like city money girl. - Yeah. That's the segue. - Real housewives of New York. I was, so this episode, I was highly entertained. You know, I know what were you saying you didn't love this episode, Michelle? - No, you know, it's fine. - You know, it's fine. - I have TV, I'm always on my computer, so I probably absorb 15% of it. But I would love to talk about it. I have some thoughts. - Yeah, I have some thoughts. I wrote down some thoughts. I just wrote some funny stuff that I'd like to come out. - They always do, yes. Okay, start. - Well, what's Kristen's husband's name? - Oh, Josh. - Josh's outfit. Someone on your comments and I know it's like Rev Run. I mean, that was hilarious, first of all. And second of all, yeah, I'm, you know, I'm no Josh fan, but I love Kristen. - I love Kristen, but she is certainly writing the train off of the show. She did, I mean, Kristen does nothing. When she had a scene, she's like, "Big news, I started a blog, it's big." - And then it's like her, like, fake jumping down the street. I was like, "Oh, Chris." - Oh, it was like a graduation before. - She's nice, Kristen. I like her a lot. In fact, I had a, where I was at lunch last year at Mercer Kitchen and she was there and she left. She looked beautiful. - Of course, yeah. - Well, she's like, stunning. And she left with her friends. And then the hostess was very sweet. And I was like, "Oh my God, did you see who was there?" And she was like, "She is so nice." And she was like, "She's the nicest of all of them." - I believe it. - So it was a little back story there. But anyways, I would really like to kick things off talking about Bethany, if that would be at all. - Yes, please, of course. - You know, I'm really upset with Bethany. - Yeah. - I used to love Bethany. - Yes, yes. - I've done her show, I've met her many times. She's always been polite, fine. I mean, super warm, no, but that's not who she is, you know. I find her unbearable this season. - Yeah. - What happened? - I think. - Is she just in a, like, a deep dark space and that's what's going on? - Partially, I think that... - Should I not be talking about it like this? - You can. - Oh, no, no, we've been talking about it. I'm just listening to you. - She's the first woman who says, like, "Listen, I'm honest. I like being honest, I'm not gonna be fake. I'm not gonna be fake." So here we are being honest. We're being honest that this may not be who she is in real life, but at least on this show, she is coming off as very arrogant. She's coming off as someone who's like, "I had a talk, she'll have this and that." And now I'm doing this as a favor for all of you. - She's coming off OCIC the other way. I think that it's someone who had a lot. I mean, she's obviously rich enough, she doesn't need to do it. But as someone who had a lot of stuff that didn't really go well, and now she's come back because this is really where she feels she gets the most positive attention. - Well, I think it's a mixture of both. 'Cause she is coming back, 'cause it's the place that she can go on TV and sell her shit. - Yeah, that's true, too. But I think she's coming back this time, though, from a different place than when she originally did, which is that she comes from a place of, like, having had larger fame probably than all these other women. And so, like, on the one hand, it's like, now she can be the big fish in the small pond again, but at this time, she's sort of-- - But she's like a fucking, like, a pariah. - Yeah, she is. She's very, as Darinda said, very aggressive in the way she responds. You know, Darinda, I'm really loving. I feel like-- - We love Darinda. - Love Darinda. - She really-- - Darinda is, like, the new star of this show. She feels very relatable, she does say it like it is. And I think that-- - She's sweet. She doesn't do it in a way. - That's mean, yeah. - Bethany has no, you know, there's a word my mother uses, and I think it's Hungarian-- - Mm-hmm. - Sympatikush, which obviously means sympathy, but when my mom uses it, it always reminds me, like, Bethany is really lacking that. It's just any sort of sympathy or anything warm, or if she just comes at you, all angles, all razors-- - Yes, she does. - In fact-- - Wow, you, like, I get stressed watching her. - Yeah, and you know, the thing is, if not even a thing, if Bethany were to defend herself being like a pariah man, you wouldn't be saying this, but I think if she were a man, people would say the same thing. I mean, look at-- - Oh, 100%. - Look at the scene when she goes to Sonia's, like, showroom, okay? - Okay, oh my gosh. - And she walks in, she walks in, and Sonia's like, "Hi," and she's like, "Hi, hi, hi," and then there's like three people-- - What are you gonna do? - What are you gonna do? - What are you doing? - What are you doing? - What are you doing? - Even before that, she's like, "Who's this?" Wait, wait, who's this? Who's that? Like, if a guy walks into a room doing that, he'd be like, "I hate those guys." - Yeah, they do, yeah. - And let me tell you something. You know, I feel bad saying it because, listen, I think she's like a nice person. You know, I don't wanna, like, shit all over her, but that is actually who she is. Like, it's not a character she's doing. - No, I agree. - It's as real as it gets with her. And, you know, I don't know what to say. She's just coming off really, really badly. And I'm surprised that her assistants or someone on her team wouldn't say to her, even though this is who you are, you're on camera now, take it down, but maybe she just doesn't give a shit. - Yeah, no, she's surrounded by Yes Men 'cause that, after that thing, she's like, what was I a bitch? Was I a bitch? What did I do? Was I a bitch? And her assistants like, no, not at all. That was ridiculous. I mean, manufacturer's in Thailand. Who does that or whatever? She's trying to be her best friend. And it's like, no, you should say, yeah, I mean, kind of, but maybe she needed to hear it. I mean, don't lie. - You matter how she was with her husband. I hate to say it, but it's like-- - I mean, it's like, she was a nightmare with him. Did you watch her show? She was awful, she was gross. I'm so glad she got their condo. - Yeah, no, I mean, she is like absolutely out of control. Although, I didn't think it was really funny, by the way, that when she and Sonya had like lunch in the very beginning of the episode. And they're like, and you know, she's like, "Oh, you came to downtown, you came to downtown." And Sony's like, "Well, I had to get out in my white neighborhood." I was like, girl, wait a minute, it's like, did you go to Bronx? - Anyway, all of New York now is a white neighborhood included in Harlem, because it's like, gentrified to the extreme. - Yeah, for Sonya to call it like Soho. - That's hilarious. - Like, that cracked me up. But, I mean, I actually thought, believe it or not, even though Sonya's team was kind of shady and weird, I was like, you know what? Considering how like, wonky Sonya's business plans have always been, this was like, this was like a step in the right direction. She had like a team. - Not only that, she has an office with her name on it. I couldn't believe that. - This was like the, this is like a big deal for Sonya. I mean, this is the Toaster lady, you know? Like, yeah, the Toaster that wouldn't toast. - It's like the Edsel, the Edsel of Toaster. - That's still my favorite, like, Bravo entrepreneurial thing was the Toaster. (laughing) - That's sexy for photos. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. That, and Gigi's extensions. - That's very, very, very, very true. - Put them on the text for me, Kat. - I'm so much interested about Bethany. - No, no, it's just really, it gets to me. And actually, I'm enjoying the season, 'cause I love the girls. I love Luane. Who would have guessed that Luane is like, who I far the most relatable, enjoyable one in that show, I think. - No, she's a bitch on wheels. Have you guys been following this Twitter war between Luane and Carol? It's so good. - Oh, tell me. - Okay, so this is from our lovely listeners who have been posting this especially Cindy C. So thank you for that, Cindy. But she's been posting this war. It started last week. Luane has hired somebody to tweet for her. And so he's a total bitch, which I love. - That's not Luane tweeting? I mean, I guess-- - Well, supposedly not, because she hired some social media guy. And now I guess he's like on the war path for her. - Yeah, but-- - Yeah, okay, girl. - She's not really like you'd think, where she's very clever. She's just kind of being mean, you know? Like, oh, nice, dating the kitchen. No friend would do that, darling, you know? But let's see here. These are kind of long, but-- - About, she's-- - This is from last night. There was a good one last week. This is where it all started last week, but then this week, she continued. Her's were surprised because the 20-something's are nice to have around. They're not keepers, especially for ladies of a certain age. My niece was very upset to hear from her friends that Cara was sticking around with Adam. Here's the thing, Adam and my niece were still seeing each other and were planning a trip together. Well, she said last night that they weren't seeing each other, so I don't know where she's getting that, but why am I still really good at it? - Why is she mad at the car? - Well, not the guy. This is what always happens. - I know what you mean. Something's really relationship material for women of a certain age. She just goes on and on, but she's basically making all of these snipes of her, or swipes at her, and someone said, "Count of soann, "why is it endearing and okay "when Sonya dates much younger guys, "but you age Shane Carroll, "and Luance Luzann." I didn't even mean to say that. 'Cause Luance says, "Because Sonya doesn't find "her younger men in her girlfriend's kitchens "as Cara'll put it in a carol." - It has. - Cara'll write back. I don't find them in my girlfriend's beds as Luance either. Hashtag them. - No, Luance is jealous. Excuse me, I love Luance. She's jealous. Because, I don't know. I don't think this is a big thing. - I don't think Luance is jealous. I have to admit, if I had a girlfriend who was dating some guy who dated my niece, I'd be a little weirded out by that. So I kind of get it. I don't know if I'd take it. I mean, in the public eye, but that's obviously what they do for a living, you know? - Yeah. - I like Cara'll, she's fine. I do find her a little, like, her situation with men, I find a little bit annoying. I like that. - Yeah, I know what you're saying. 'Cause there's something about her that is a little, like, thirsty, I feel. And, for example, when she went on that date-- - With the guy, I was about to say, and she's like-- - She acted like an idiot. I was like, this is an intelligent woman. She has, she's very smart. Cara's the smartest one on the show, actually, certainly the most educated, coming from the best family, whatever. - There's a way that she acts with men that I find-- - I agree. - Really beneath her? - Like, oh, coy, like, this is silly me. - That's like childish in her way that is annoying. And if I have to witness it as her friend, I guarantee you. - Well, it's like watching-- - You're throwing shit out of me. - Yeah, watching whatever happened to baby Jane, you know, Betty Davis running around with ribbons and her hair singing songs about her daddy. It's awkward, you know? - No, it's awkward. - Said that, exactly. Like, she's acting like a teenager, and it's like-- - ♪ Mpong, oh, I love ping pong ♪ ♪ I only take off my jacket ♪ ♪ And wearing a bra for a shirt ♪ - And it's like, oh, it is. It's like, chew much. It's like-- - No, I agree. - You know what it is? It's a female midlife crisis, is what it is. - Yeah. No, I agree with all of that. I just don't think that, like, I wouldn't go to Twitter and, like, just, you know, I guess I wouldn't, if I were Luann, I don't, I mean, I just can't imagine getting so riled up about all this stuff. I mean, I'd just be like, okay, it's tacky. - Oh, but Luann's not mad about this. She's mad about the first season Carol was on and said stuff behind her back, like, trying to steal dresses from the shop. And, you know, all the smart-ass comment she was making, she's, yeah, she's, these women get mad at one thing and they stay mad forever. They never let it go. - That's why I actually used to love Carol. I missed that Carol. I missed Funny Snarky Carol, who, like, you know-- - She would just be, like-- - She was like, funny, she was like-- - She'd be aware, more aware of these things, yeah. - And she was almost, like, the Bethany voice after Bethany left. - Yeah. - And now she's not bad. Bethany certainly is an old Bethany. - Right, but you know, but I don't think that, I mean, Carol is not, like, as Greek courses she used to be, but she's definitely, like, she's not, like, fallen off the cliff of delusion the way so many of these other times. - I agree. But, really, with her stuff with men, I find really shallow, I guess, either something about it that I just, it's like, she's better than that. - Yeah, it's like a little, like, Samantha Jonesy-esque, like, Wannabe. - Yeah. - However, what's her name? Derinda and her boyfriend, I can't get enough of. - Oh, my God. - I love him. - I love her, I mean, the two of them, I can't. - Then the daughter, I mean, that daughter, God bless. You know, the daughter feels funny enough, scripted to me in a word by, like, she knows she's on camera. You know, certain people are not national on camera. They just turn it on for the camera. Her daughter is that, like, Mom, you know that blah, blah, blah. Like, stay out of my room, Mom! Like, you're just something very, like, a DC family about her. (laughs) - Yeah, but, you know-- - Derinda's great, I love her. - Derinda's great. - Yeah. - Her boyfriend, I mean, he really grosses me out. - That's why I like it, though. - Yeah, I mean, when he has his hands all over, like, Ramona, and he's like, oh, this is gross, this is the boss. This is the boss, no, this is not my life. I'm just like, please, I can't watch this guy. - John, baby, you should take your hands off hook. I mean, come on, it's too much now, John. - You know, I think she is-- - It's too much, John. Come on, John, it's too much, John. Ugh, John. - He's, like, Lorraine Braco in Goodfellas or something. There's something very Martin Scorsese about her that I really love, and he kind of falls into line with that. Like, I don't know. - Her whole cocktail party cracked me up because it was like, the most ridiculous, stupid things were happening. First of all, I felt bad, but I was even laughing at Ramona when she first shows up, she's walking up these stairs and she's like, well, you know, normally. You know, it's very weird to walk through these things alone. Like, in the past, I would've come with Mary out, but she wasn't there at the time. (laughing) - You know, just like-- - That is amazing. - She just has this, like, stereotypically, like, verklempt coffee talk way of when she gets-- - By the way, I also love divorced Ramona. - Divorce Ramona's great. - Much better than, then, couple, and you know what, you don't have to feel that Mary out. - Yeah, well, yeah. - Who doesn't feel that way? - But-- - Be one person on this podcast who wouldn't give it up to Mary out so fast. - Well, come on. Shut the fuck up. (laughing) You know, you would-- - But you know-- - Mariah is hot, Mariah is super hot, arguably hotter than Mauricio. - No, but, Michelle, what? Gross, he's gross, and even if he was hot, if you had sex with him, you'd think of Ramona's buggas just staring at you. Are you feeling renewed? Are you feeling renewed? Is this the new? Are you renewed, Michelle? Do you like it, Michelle? How do you like it? How do you like it? Tell me, hey, how do you like it, Michelle? - I can't be, I can't think of Mariah in a sexual way ever since there was that scene, like, two or three seasons ago, when Ramona, like, lubed up his chest and, like, got sexy with him. I was into lingerie, and, like, poached, poached head to shit. - I once, once I watched a dog. (laughing) I watched this big Labrador, this was, like, 10 years ago, or, like, 15, and I was really sensing up his chest. He was, like, loving it, you know, thought it was kind of, it was like, some soap, whatever, and I was really sensing his chest up. This was pre Ramona's moment. And as I was doing it, I, like, stopped, and I was, like, this just got weird. (laughing) 'Cause I was really, like, really, you know, I was just, like, really sensing it up, and all of a sudden I was, like, I don't like what's happening now, I'm stopping. - Yeah. (laughing) - And, you know, that's just a little slice of life, a slice of niche life. - So the, so the big thing that happened, the first big thing that happened at this cocktail party is that, so Ramona shows up in, basically, in the Ina Garden shirt, and the man basically shades her for that. But then, Sonia arrives, and she says hi to everyone, but Ramona, which was, you know, that it was sort of, like, it was weird, but that became, like, a big drama going on, but before that could even be broached, 'cause then, immediately, Ramona's like, you know, I feel weird, you know, we're going to Atlantic City together, but she doesn't even want to, like, she doesn't want to say hello. I mean, this is weird, what's going on here? I don't know why not. - She probably didn't, yes, you probably didn't want to walk in with her 10-year-old boyfriend and have you, oh, what's your with him? I thought that was one night. What are you doing? Can you do math? Can you read? Do you know your ABCs? - I do. I learned that. - I just, I didn't know, okay. - So, we're this guy, like, a lot of these guys, I don't know, it's just funny, he's like not sexual to me. - He has no personality. I mean, literally, like, Ramona, I mean, later on, that did happen, I mean, Ramona is sitting next to him, she's like, well, I would never date him, I'm sorry. Like, I wouldn't date him, you know? He has no personality, okay? Like, we wouldn't have fun. I want someone I can connect with, okay, and I can't connect with him, and he's just like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. - That guy, like, communicates with lick lips. He has this weird lick-lip thing that he does over and over, and he licks the top one, and then the bottom one, and then he licks them together, and then he does it again, and just goes, oh, it's like a Morse code, lick code thing. - I'm just gonna take more code. - He basically is, like, the personification of Kristen's tagline last season, which is, like, I may not be the smartest, but at least I'm pretty! - I love that song. I mean, I mean, I mean, the sharpest tool in the box, but at least I'm pretty! Do you change in the season? - No, it's, like, pretty is smarter than you think. I'm like, no, bitch, you already said pretty, you were not smart, it's too late! - Yeah, she is smart! - I think she is smart, too! - That's you! That bothers me. - I think her husband. - Yeah, I think that was, I've always hated her tagline, because of that, but actually, by the way, someone posted on our Facebook page, a shirtless photo of, no, no, please, no, of Dominic, and it's really impressive. - Is this a model? - The model, it's me. - Yeah, I don't know where it is. It's gonna, yeah, he's gorgeous. - I'll show it to you, I'll show it to you after, but he is gorgeous, so I encourage people to look at him. - Wait, I wanna see it, where is it? - All right, all right, I'm gonna find it. - That's why you're being a guy. - But in the mirror, 'cause he's like, really not wanting to go to the mirror. - 'Cause he's mine, he's about Sonya saying that she'll only swallow for a black card. - Girl, honey, no, I agree with that. It's just hard to think she said literally in whatever how many things. - Well, so then I love, so then what happens is, Sonya, the whole thing, Sonya's whole thing, is that like, you know what, I don't like talking about my business, because people beat me up for it, but people always keep asking me questions about it. So, the first thing that happens, of course, is Heather's like, wait, hold on, you can't do Paige down on that. It has to go, it has to, you have to click, see more stories. - No, I'm right. - We're still finding the picture. - On my PC, it would page down, it's fine, anyways. - So anyway, so the first thing is Heather's like, so she's like, hey mama, hey mama, why did you, why did you show us, why did you show us the thing? I was like, shut up, Heather, I mean, I like Heather. I like Heather, but she has moments when you're just like, oh, there it is. - Oh, wait, yeah, he's hot as shit. - He's hot. - That's disgusting. - It looks like Shark Week. You know what, like guys have such good bodies, they look like sharks. - Robert Pesticos did it, thank you, Robert. - Oh, wow. - Yeah, no, it's pretty gorgeous. He's almost, it's like the math teacher. - He looks like Tom Brady. - Tom Brady meets the math professor. - Yeah, I see that. - The hot math professor. - Looking for chocolate on my arm. - There's no chocolate, you got the one-- - I already got it, oh my gosh. - You got the one piece of chocolate on your hand. - Oh, look, I'm hungry. - No, so anyway, so he's-- (laughing) Well, why don't you lick the chocolate off your arm? - No, no, no. - So anyway, so Heather and Luann, they just get, they're just furious at Sonya. They're just like going after her about like, why didn't you show us, why don't you show us your line? I'm like, what, how do these women not really say they just dodged a bullet? - I know. - 'Cause it's not like that, but why would she take you when all you did was criticize her and make fun of her, and then they show clips to the reunion of them not believing her, and then they show another clip of them not believing that she even has a business, which, I mean, in their defense, they were probably right at that time. - I just want to make it very salient to point. - But why, but you know, also like, does Heather not remember all the time she wasted helping Sonya with her toaster oven two seasons ago? - Yeah, exactly, like, what? - You know what, like some of it, I would be like, oh God bless, I could luck with your showroom. I mean, the fact that they were in a tizzy over this, to me, was remarkable. - I have to say, I really like Heather. I still do. - I do too. - I really do. - As moments when she can be. - I know what you mean. Well, it's funny because I have to go back to Beth. I'm like, I'm like-- - Please, no, I would not. Please, absolutely. - Like, it's funny to me because I think that they brought in, like, of all the housewife seasons, I think that New York is by far the most intelligent and the classiest. - And best dressed. - For sure. - Classy of the Beverly Hills even, I would say. - Oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. - And what makes me laugh is that clearly, they brought Heather in to replace Bethany, because she's like the fast talking, super smart, business woman. - Down with all the cool, black slang. - Yes. - Like, hey, mama, your crib is so fly. - Yes, and now that they have them on together, it's like too much realness. It's almost like too acidic, you know? 'Cause the Heather is, I think, much. I should also add that Heather went smiles at me in New York, so I'll always like her for that. All you have to do is smile, that's easy. I just, I really can't say it. - Heather has. - Heather has, is, I think, smarter in terms of knowing how to deal with social and smarter. - She is, I think she is, and, you know, and she is really, like, you can't just, like, push her over. She will, she actually is, like, she's very friendly and nice. Like, hey, mama, but the moment that you cross her, she will, like, let you know. - Let's see what I like people. - I do like it too. - The other thing is real. So I think that I'm used to women like that, because that's how my mom is turned. So that doesn't, I like people like that, but, you know, I find her to be smart. I like her. - Yeah, you know, my favorite part of the cocktail party was when the, two favorite parts. One was the camera lingered on Ramona for, like, a long time going, is this tuna? I think it's tuna. It looks like tuna. I mean, as I said, I never had tuna before, but another part is gone, I'm eating tuna, 'cause it's a new me. - Tuna. - And then she takes a bite, she goes, it's tuna. (laughing) And then the other part was when, so, so now, Sonia and Ramona have this stupid feud over, like, neither one said hi to each other first, so who's gonna do it? So Drian is trying to bring them together. And at one point, they cut to, like, so Drian is going to find Sonia, and they cut to Sonia, and she's, like, and so that's what I'm doing with my international yacht, or whatever it was, sorry, I miss you, I just spat on you. - It's funny, I've landed right where the chocolate is. (laughing) - And it just lets make Michelle believe it's okay. - But I just love that at any given moment, Sonia is talking about some ridiculous, entrepreneurial endeavor. And then, of course, it all ended with John in, like, a lady sandwich, which was just really disgusting. - Oh. - I love Derinda, and I think that she said it perfectly when she was talking about Heather and Luan ginging up on Sonia. When she said, "But they're being supportive of the dice, "but they're really just being beat Mr. Jetson." - And I totally agree with her. I think that they were being dicks. - Yeah, no, the reason why they were mad is 'cause they wanted to have more ammunition to then use against Sonia. They wanted to see what she was doing wrongs, that way they could put it against her, but they were left out, whatever. - I don't know, you know, the show has so many ups and downs. Can I be more big, by the way? I'm like, you know, the thing about the show is it has a plot on a bunch of ladies. - I love it, I love it. I think it has great, great characters. And I do love Kristen, but there are so many big personalities on here right now that she is definitely getting lost, I'm afraid this is it. - I agree. - No matter how many times her husband tries to dress like Rev Run, she's gonna be forgotten. - You know, her husband has my least favorite house I've had then. - Oh, he's terrible, absolutely terrible. He's the worst. I can't even believe he showed up to do a scene without a logo on his hat. - Yeah. - Number one, there was a logo on his fedora. - Did you not notice that? - I didn't, there was. - No, well, I don't know. - Uh, he doesn't deserve her, honestly. - He does not, he's one of those people that's convinced her that she can't do any better. - I hate that. - Which is like mentally abusive, I think. - Yes, I agree. - So I think that pretty much covers all the shows. - Yes, but we can talk about survivor at lunch. - I haven't watched last night yet, sorry. - Oh my god, yeah. - I'm sorry, you know, by the way, we'll have to have a quick lunch 'cause I have a haircut at four. I just remembered. - I want that. - Okay. - Yeah, they do know. - All right, everybody, thanks so much for listening. And Michelle, thank you so much for being here. We'll see you at your show Wednesday night, May 13th at 8 p.m. at UCB, five dollar. - Come. - And remember, you can find Michelle on Twitter at @myshcall@mycall. - Thank you guys. - @mycall. - This is fun, thanks for having me. - Thanks for coming back on. We're so honored to have someone who's been on the view. - I know, next thing we're even some on, next time. - Oh my god. (laughing) I'm like the connector. I just, bye, everybody. - All right, bye, everybody. Thanks so much, talk to you next week. - Bye. (upbeat music) - If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called, "Wait For It." It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Eliza Schlesinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Eliza, our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes, and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here, and it's funny, and I love you. - To the insurance company that's spurned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting GEICO. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tiers you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to GEICO. Sincerely, not yours, Tara, in Telluride. - GEICO, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. - If you like Watch what Crap is, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcast. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey. - In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the depths of the internet is The Kill List, a cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how I ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out convincing a total stranger that someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on The Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C true crime shows like Morebid early ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out Exhibit C in The Wondery app for all your true crime listening.
