Is it just me or is TV gotten really complicated? Thankfully, Fylo has changed that for me, one service, all the stuff I need. Fylo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss. Live on networks like A&E, Paramount, Discovery, and TLC. Classics like The Office, Martin, and Friends that I never get sick of, and all the incredible originals on AMC+ from Mad Men Hello to Orphan Black. And don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and re-watch any time for a whole year. Never miss a minute of shows like The Golden Girls, you know I'm always watching The Golden Girls, and Fylo has it. Best of all, with Fylo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contract, no hassles. Just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Fylo.tv and check it out for a free seven-day trial. That's p-h-i-l-o.tv to start watching. Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles that you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. There's more to imagine when you listen, and one title that I've been listening to is my friend Neil J. Young's Coming Out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text "crapins" to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text "crapins" to 500-500. [MUSIC] Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what Crap is. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronny Caron from Trash Talk TV, and as usual, I'm joined by the lovely, thin, talented, taken, rich, white-tooth Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. Hello, I don't know if I would put rich on that list, but thinking, you know, thinking, thinking, thinking, think in the future, Penny, all right. Don't think about today's tunicofit. Yeah, think about next year's, Donny. Exactly, yeah. You can find Ben at his other podcast, "The Bachelor of Blender," or at his blog, beside blog.com. I'm writing "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recaps" over at Trash Talk TV, so come on over. Lisa Rinna retweeted one last week. Yes, oh my God, that was awesome. We love releasing that. Yeah, that was like the best 10 minutes of my life. I was like, I'm internet famous for 10 minutes. And then it ended. And then I crashed really hard and got a Coke habit. If you want to find out our social media links, our Instagrams, and BladiBlaz, Twitters, and all that, just go to Watch what Crapins.com. We've got a list of all that crap. Also, please come to patreon.com/watchwatchocrapins. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N/watch what Crapins. That is where you can subscribe for bonus content. We do a bonus episode every week. We have Ringers. We have a monthly Google Hangout, which I think is next week, right, Ben? Sure. It's going to be next Wednesday, Thursday. Check on my Facebook page, Facebook.com/watchocrapins. That's where you guys can talk to other readers. I mean, listeners and make us laugh our asses off. Like you're doing right now on the current comment thread about what to talk about on today's show. So I think that's all of the plugs. But you guys have been killing it on Patreon. We're actually paying our rent doing this show now. It's so amazing. And our goal on Patreon is to get up to $1,000. And once we do that, we are going to be adding another show every week. And right now, Bravo is in full force. There is so much crap to watch on Bravo. And we can only get to a certain amount of it. So if you want your second show, come on there and subscribe. OK. And that is the end of the plug session. Get your Sherry's berries. Get some soap from Jackie, the soap lady. Well, get some shoes from that lady. We like Sarah. I don't know. I'll find her shoe place. Anyway, thanks for all the supporters. There's like XOXO shoes or something like that in Miami. Yeah. So thanks for all our supporters and people who supported us over the years. And now let's shut the fuck up with the plugs and start talking about the shows. God, this podcast has more plugs than a CFO's boyfriend and Shaz is on set. Mm-hmm. Sag way, bro. Yeah. So you're starting with Shaz is sunset. I'm getting it out of the way because I know you didn't want it. Yeah, it's putting me in a negative start for this. Good. Good, right. You know what? I had to take a stand. I hate that show. I hate the people on it. And I'm not going to watch a bunch of fucking people that I hate walk around pretending to have so much more money than everybody else. And watching Asa pretends she's some fucking hippie when she's really some little rich kid who doesn't work for her money and drives around in fucking white Mercedes while her parents live in the slums. No, I'm done with you show. Fuck you shots of sunset. I hate your guts. I hope you die. Stick a needle in your eye. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Well, I actually love this show. And I still watch. And I can just give you a synopsis of this past episode, which is that Jessica, my school friend, finally officially converted to Judaism. She walked naked in the ocean. That was actually a very nice scene. And then MJ's boobs are bigger than ever. And so Asa arranged a staycation in Malibu. They rented a house in Malibu. And within minutes, Mike and Asifa were fighting again because Asifa is like, tell your girlfriend to apologize for scratching my boyfriend's back. And then Jessica was like, what? I never scratched his back at all. Oh my god. Why would you say that, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da? And then-- Cratching his back, really. So she keeps dressing as after. Yeah. No, no, no, no. From last week when there was the fight over the laser-- Oh, like meaning? She said like a magic scratch. Yeah. And then like-- I can feel it. That guy's got so much fucking Botox. I'm surprised he can even feel himself walking down the street. Yeah, exactly. And so the guy actually apologized to Mike. The guy was like, listen, you know, about everything. Whatever he said, he said like, I am sorry for what happened last week. And Mike's like, OK. Listen, I went back to my closet and realized that I do leave all the Xs on my jackets. And you were right. I did think that was fashion, and I'm big enough to admit it. That's like-- Yeah, exactly. So then Mike-- so then there's the girl's going to fight. And Mike pulls the guy aside. And he's like, he's like, yo, man. He's like, you know what? If you can't be big enough to apologize to me, then I don't know. And then the guy's like, but I just did apologize. I'm not going to do it again. And Mike's like, well, then bro, I don't know who would-- I'm like, Mike, he apologized to you. Because Mike is getting the villain headed. Mike's a fucking idiot. He is. He's really getting the villain headed this season. Well, he's just a fucking idiot. And he was led around by his little monkey faced anger. Yeah. Mike, calm down. What are you so angry about? You're worn with the sword. The sword. The sword in your mouth. You're handed everything in your fucking life. No one even shows up to your job to buy shit. And you still have a bus rolling around in time with your face on it. What are you complaining about? What are you so angry about? How about you just calm the fuck down and stop getting mad about people's exes on the back of their jackets? Exactly. Well, he's definitely getting the villains at it, especially because-- Yeah, doesn't he rage somebody? Well, this episode started with Gigi revealing that last year when they were in Turkey, Gigi was like, yeah, Mike tried to have sex with me. She said that he put his hand on her thong, whatever. They had a flashback of her saying something like, get your hand off me. Like, hey, it's your hand on me or whatever. And then she said that he should have better hotel room and was like, tried to like, hang out. And she was like, no, and that's as far as it went. But now it's like this whole thing. Like, Gigi hasn't gotten over it. And Gigi thinks it's weird, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah, because Gigi's like the calm voice of reason now because she wasn't drunk at one fucking party. Yeah. She's like, oh, those people are so belligerent. I don't understand these mean drunks. Mike, bitch, are you kidding? Because five minutes ago they were showing a clip of you kicking a fan across the room because someone told you you mean crazy. And the biggest news here is that Gigi actually said, no, when someone tried to get all up inside of her. Bitch, please, you slept with Jack's tailor. Well, you know, to be fair, Gigi always pulls in really hot guys. So she, you know, she deserved us. I'm not deserves to say no, but she like, she has taste. She has a taste level and Mike does not reach it. But then the sort of the episode that it was-- She fucked Jack's tailor. So sorry, but I think that invalidates your complete argument. True. Although Jack's-- it depends when she fucked Jack's because he was really hot at four. Pre-sausage face or before? Yeah, exactly. So the other thing is that like Jessica is now being like really prissy. And she was like, she's like, Mike, I hate your friends. And they're all having a group dinner. And she was like, oh my god, do you guys are like more annoying tonight than usual? And then she was just saying all these obnoxious comments. And like, she's not like wrong. You know, she's right. They are actually annoying and irritating. And they're sort of awful. But for her to actually be in that group and be saying these snotty little things, like out loud to them all, is really obnoxious. And that made me hate her. Who, the new girl? No, Jessica, the girl-- Jessica's the worst. OK, always when you're dating someone and they seem like they're all subservient, they're just quiet. Be very careful because they are just waiting for that ring. Yeah. And that's basically what she did. I mean, she's a bitch on wheels. That girl was the one who came out of that party last week like, get this fucking mic off me, goddamn it. Now. Oh my god, Nanny. Calm down, girl. You were in one scene about Strudel or some shit. What are you even talking about? Sit down. Yeah, see, this time she was like, oh my god, you guys are more obnoxious than usual. And she's like, well, thank god I'm not staying the night here. Da-da-da-da, da-da-da, all these comments. And they were just like, even though they are obnoxious, it's rude to say those things. And now it's funny because they're all-- There's a job to be obnoxious. You married into this. Exactly. They were shooting this show when you started dating your boyfriend. So shut the fuck up and stop acting like you're not trying to get a spin off about selling oriental rugs or whatever the hell Mike's going to be doing in a couple of years. Exactly. So now Reza's like, listen, I know you don't like us, but homegirl has to get with it. So-- And you're the rich? Do you know how much money I have, Jessica? I don't have money to buy your entire microphone that you threw down on the ground, that's me. That's so Persian. And then the other thing is that Adam, Reza's fiance, asked Asa to be his maid of honor, which was sort of like a slight to MJ. He turns to MJ and is like, you're the second choice. I was like, wow, that was obnoxious. But didn't he already ask MJ to be his maid of honor? I don't know. Well, I'm sure Reza will ask. And then so then Mike got pissy. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're talking about the boyfriend, the fiance asked who now? Asa. Asa. Oh, well, MJ's going to be the other bridesmaid. Probably. Are you the other maid of honor? And then Mike got all pissy. And then Adam's like, what, you're mad? And he's like, wow. And then Adam's like, well, maybe you should send an email once in a while, or a call to say hi. And maybe you could then be the maid of honor or something like that. But I was like, good for you. I was like, it was funny because two seconds before, I'm like, you're being so obnoxious, MJ. And then three seconds later, I'm like, oh, good for you. We're standing up to Mike. Yeah, I would think that guy had a backbone, except I've seen how he'd let Reza decorate their apartment. So I know he's a person. Yeah. Nothing says bottom, letting your boyfriend paint your house purple and gold polka dots. Exactly. And I think the only other noteworthy thing was that MJ had this really, actually, very hot client that she's showing the house to. And she was like, she's like, you know, Persians, we just get horny. That's just the way, you know, Persians are just always horny. I'm like, I don't think that's a Persian thing. I think that's a human thing. Yeah, I think that's a human thing. Yeah, I was like, don't-- Most of it's just don't do it with so much body hair. So that's basically it. So another thing that I read was the yachts. MJ was contouring her arms. Oh, yeah, she was. She was like, she was like, one thing you have to do to make your arms look skinnier is you put like, you put like, she's putting like dark makeup on the bottom of her arms, which to me didn't make-- I mean, I don't know, on TV, it didn't seem to have an effect. And all I could think about was how she was going to ruin so many chairs and items of clothing with contour makeup. I know. Her boyfriend's always going to have like, dark things like front of her arms. It's like, when you get like, when you get like, deodorant marks when you put on a shirt and then you get those white lines, it's going to be like that. Like, but everywhere. It's going to be like, let's kind of look like you just got dusted for fingerprints all over his sides. OK, so Shahz is done for now, right? Done. Done. That's the update. OK, so I'll eventually catch up with Shahz. But there are so many damn bravo shows. We're going to have to get to two shows a week so we can do Shahz, southern charm, newlyweds, and get all of the shit that we cannot possibly cover in an air mattress show right there. So thank you for supporting us. Now, get your friends over there. Even if people don't know, it's just be like, why are you donating to a politician this year? Please get-- watch what crap is enough so they can have an episode about new events, Shahz. Just like a doll. You could just do like a dollar per month. We don't care. Yeah, we don't care. We don't go over that list and write down your names. It's a doll in the month. But then find out who your family members are. And then make little dolls that look just like you and put pins in them if you're not a member. Do you realize that's like half of a taco, a dollar per month? Look, other drives for like public radio, whatever, they want like $50 a month. They want-- I know. They're like, you guys, give us $1,000 and we'll give you a signed DVD of Eliza Manelli tape that came out 19 years ago. What? Yeah, I was listening to the classical station because I'm very classy like that. And they were like doing their drive. And they're like, if you just pen, that's just like $30 a month. We'll give you a three CD set of Mozart's "Gree's Hits." I'm like, who listens to CDs anymore? That's the greatest hit. I could re-record that now because that copyright's like done now. Like, that music's so damn old. You could use that as the new "Happy Birthday" song and nobody could see it. Or I could just buy it. Or I could buy the three CD set for like $30, rather than spend 30 times 12, which is, you know, who knows what, $3,600, I don't know. $3,600, $3,600, $3,600, $3,600, $3,600. We're going to send you an 8-track tape because nobody has an 8-track player anymore. And that means we're giving you the gift of silence. You're welcome. Thanks a lot, PBS. I know, although I do enjoy a good tote bag. Oh, those fucking tote. I'm kind of sick of those like tote bags that everybody's bragging about what they're supporting because it's always like NPR. Or there's never like the face of a starving African child with flies all over its face as someone's like cloth shopping bag. Although if people wanted-- if people were willing to donate to pay for like the "Watch For Crap" and "Tote Bag," like I would find a way to make tote bags if it meant that people would donate. I would make them now actually for African children because what's a better idea, what's better marketing than to say, do you want to get some food into this little guy? Well, just send us $30 a month. And you'll have them on your tote bag to take the greater dose. You can put oranges in him, eggs. Feed this child. What if we made tote bags with bravo quotes on them? This is your reward for donating. What if there was like a tote bag that just said, see? No, rally on the side of it. Or just like a picture of like Kim Richards or-- Lemons don't secure limes. [LAUGHS] Oh, I would do it. I would do it. OK, so where shall we start? People do not need to hear about tote bags. I'm in the weirdest mood. I feel like every time I'm doing this so lately, I'm saying something like, I'm in a really weird mood, you guys, so sorry. We are in a weird-- like, honestly, like our bonus episode this week was a little cray-cray. Like, it was really in our crazies. I mean, we talked about aliens. We talked about lizard people. We talked about Starbucks. We talked about terrible free absences. We talked about pebbles. We talked about racism. Oh, my god. We got it all. We got it all in, girl. That was some funny shit. OK, so would you like to start with the real ass why I have to bevel in here? Of course, of course. This show is on fire. I'm sorry. That's the most recent. So yeah. To me, Beverly Hills is at that point where I'm like excited-- when it's like Tuesday, I'm excited because I know Beverly Hills is on Sunday, because I'm like so into it right now. To me, this is the best it's been since season two. Like, it is back on track, hardcore. Well, there's real shit going on. It does not just seem like a bunch of fake shit. It seems like stuff that people are actually shocked is becoming this huge drama, you know? And it's just going to go downhill. Yeah. It's like real shit, and it's also like the sort of thing where you get fired up when you can sort of see one person's logic and another person's logic, and they're not lining up, and you want to sort of shake everyone, explain everything to everyone. I mean, I just want to shake Brandi. I don't know. I don't get her logic, and I don't think she gets it either, but she feels like she has to keep fighting, and she's just fighting the dumbest fights in the world. Like, she's picking the obviously wrong side. Well, she's also very hypocritical. I mean, she gets mad at Eileen. I wanted to call her Eileen for some reason. Eileen, she gets mad at Eileen. I don't fucking call me Elaine Ben. I don't do it. Is it bad that my dad is calling right now, and my parents have been in China for three weeks, and it's the first I'm hearing from them, but I'm not going to take the call because we're podcasting? Well, yeah, I get your priority straight. Yeah. No, I mean, you do have them straight. You do have them straight. Yeah, well, I'll speak to them soon enough. So anyway, it really bothers me that Brandi was getting mad at Eileen for what Eileen was saying about Kim. She's saying, like, you know, you can't just-- you say those things, and those, like, have effects, those, like, believe-- You're possibly ruining somebody's life. I know. I'm like, how about why don't you talk to Adrian Maloof about that, Brandi? How about that? Yeah, no. She is the queen of just blurting stuff that could be-- Or trial, but she's obviously still telling people that her husband's cheating on her. So that was obviously from Brandi, first of all. Love that she kind of came out of the closet with that one. Yeah, exactly. I mean, just it's so-- She's just the worst. And then she's like, well, let's just say something positive about each other around the table. And then she's like, you have nice tits. I really enjoy your anorexia. I know. What a passive personality. Wow, you're a multiple personality. These are really shining through. It's like, you know what? Don't suggest that game if you aren't willing to sort of take it seriously, you know? She's just trying to be funny, but it's not. It's just me, you know. It's just-- Well, it wasn't-- It was past-- I don't think she was even trying to be funny. I think she was being passive aggressive. She's like-- she's even said, like, well, I don't have anything nice to say about the personality. So I'll say something nice about-- something like their physical trait. But it was like very obvious, like, the people that she likes, she would say something thoughtful. The people she didn't like, she would say, you have a nice hair. And it's like, it really read as passive aggressive to me. Yeah. And then, of course-- Well, she was the one who started the game only to say, well, I can't compliment any of you, so-- Yeah, and then when it gets to her, she's like, no, I don't want to hear a couple of minutes, whatever, which was the whole reason why actually she started the game was to do this, almost, like, thaw, humble, like, I can't hear a compliment because I'm so damaged thing. It really bothered me. You know what? Getting an orange. I was about to say, are you getting choked up at the thought of compliments, too? Like I said, Brandy's been trying to put herself back in victim mode to become popular again because that's the only time anybody likes her. So at this point, she's begging people to victimize her. She's like a little kid who walks in while you're watching TV, walks right in front of you, pulls his pants down, and just takes a shit on the floor. Like, he wants to be beat. Yeah. And now-- Beat him, I say. And right now, the thing that she's really being playing the victim card with, aside from having glass in her hair, is that Eileen has been saying that she's saying that Eileen called her an alcoholic, and Eileen is countering that she said, no, I said you're a mean drunk. And Brandy, even after Eileen says that, she's like, well, Eileen just said that I'm an alcoholic. And I was like, no, I said mean drunk, an angry drunk. And then Brandy gets mad at that. But Brandy is a mean drunk. And the difference between accusing someone of being an alcoholic and a mean drunk is that I think when you accuse someone of being an alcoholic, you're really accusing them of deep problems, addiction, affliction. Well, they do. And you know what, I will stand up for Brandy on this one because she's right that no one's giving her the truth. Like Lisa Rinna really is not giving her the truth. Because Lisa Rinna did say she took whoever to lunch and talked about Brandy having a drinking problem. She did. She was like, that girl seems to have a problem. She's always drinking. And she said multiple times. Like, I can recognize it because my brother's blood, my brother-in-law's dropped dead, whatever. Yeah, but Eileen said she's an angry drunk. And the thing is, I think you're allowed to say, if you are around someone who is angry when there is being an angry drunk or belligerent and you've seen that a few times, I think you're really entitled to be able to say that. And you know, even if it's maybe if it's not even like, if someone has like, oh, if they've only been like a belligerent drunk twice, but if that's the only times you've seen them, of course, you'll have to be like, yeah, that person's like an angry drunk. It's up to that person who was angry drunk. Well, you brought up two interesting things. One is what Kim said when she was like, I see, see me fine, I mean, he saw me one time and I was like, party on cancer pills, okay. One time, I was like, I mean, if you've seen me like five times, okay, I'll fall off the bottom, but. I mean, one time. Like, Kim, that's not how it works. You know that, right? If you'd ever been to AA, you would know that one time means you fucking relapse, you dildo. Yeah, I think that if, if someone were drunk and threw wine on my face for no reason, I think I would be entitled to say, you know what, you're a mean drunk. I just, I'm putting that out there. I'm not, am I going out too far on a limb? Well, that was also the night that Brandi brought up her being a fucking, uh, home racker. Yeah. For the first time. Yeah. You know, she is mean drunk. She's too nervous to deal because she thinks everybody's an old lady and frankly, they're way above her intelligence level. And so she gets nervous and she gets so drunk to be able to deal with them and she just says me and shit to get on TV. Being, being a mean drunk doesn't mean you're an alcoholic, although I think that Brandi might be an alcoholic too. But I don't know. But I think though that being a mean drunk is, it's like, it's just the way you are when you're drunk and you should like try to change that if you can, you know, like, or my favorite thing about him and Brandi right now is the way they justify her everything. Like they're angry at everybody else is like, you said something that could have ruined her life on national television. I love that it's people talking about it and not the fact that Kim's showing up wasted. Yeah. And Brandi's showing up wasted to the point she's falling down. And Brandi's still trying to do this. Kyle abused me and Kyle beat me when we've all seen it. And then last week's blog, Brandi's like, oh, she beat me into the, you know, it's getting glass. I mean, who's the nice person here? The person who just wants to make peace or the person who's covered in glass. And it's like shot. Yeah, exactly. And you know, the other thing is, I think one of the reasons why people think that Brandi might be an alcoholic is that she has said many times on the show that she, like, she's like, oh, I have to drink if I'm with these girls. I mean, she uses it as a coping mechanism. And when you're drinking or using anything as a coping mechanism, that's like a little different. It's a lot different than when you are just drinking to have fun or you're going out getting drinks with friends. So when you see people using it as a coping mechanism, it's I think fairly natural for people to make the jump, whether it's maybe warranted or not, that they might be an alcoholic. You know, it's a drunk, public drunk. People are going to talk about you walking around in public drunk. Trust me, it happens to me all the time. I'll walk around in public drunk. Yeah, half my neighborhood thinks I'm like the crazy person yelling at the sky. And they're right. Sometimes, sometimes that is me. Who cares? Why does that affect my life at all? If I didn't want that, I would stop walking around drunk. Yeah, you know, first impressions and second impressions matter, if I walk down the street screaming and talking to myself and someone saw me and met me for the first time when I was doing that, they will think I'm crazy. And they would say, you know what, I think you're crazy. I think you're, I think you need help. And they would be within the right to say that because that's their only, that's what they know of me. You know, furthermore, it's your right to be a drunk walking down the street screaming. I don't give a shit. It's just at least don't it. Be like, yeah, that was me walking down the street screaming. I was wasted. That was fun guys, right? But this is just like, you know, I've worked too. Kim's, you know, Kim's sick, secular phrase that she keeps saying over and over again is I have worked too hard on my sobriety for you to ruin it. No one is injecting you with Smirnoff. OK. No one is like pushing you into a pool of Franzia to Kim. OK. No one is ruining anything. She might be talking about an issue that you've had on national TV now for five seasons. Cut to cut to cut to Kingsley with his eyes going red, hand in camera glass of wine, get Kim or I'll bite your neck. Him fucking trying to snort shit off the bathroom floor in Hawaii, like, come on, Kim. Stop acting like everyone talking is ruining your life. No one's ruining your life. OK, except your coke dealer. Get a better one. I really, and I really liked that. I lean. I mean, I think it's very good in these arguments. I liked that when when Brandy and Kim were sort of pulling this thing like, you don't know, you haven't seen us. But like, anyone who knows us forever knows that this isn't true, whatever. And Eileen said something to the fact of like, well, our friendship is very new. And you've been mean during the time I've known you. You know, it's like, it's her way of being like-- And Brandy, she can shove Brandy down in a way that Brandy just rolls her eyes and gets really quiet and goes, well, you know, God forbid I have an opinion. I know. And you can see that she gets the bully crying, which means she knows how to punch. I love a bully when they cry. There's nothing better than when a bully finally gets punched back in their vagina and starts crying. Exactly. And by the way, when they were all talking, when this whole conversation on this little boat started, and Eileen was addressing some of the issues, whatever, the person who brought up the whole sobriety issue was Kim. Kim was the one who said, well, this is why I went, I was this, or whatever, with my sobriety. She was the one who actually opened the can of worms this time. So she can't go complaining about, like, stop bringing it up when she was doing it. Say, all right, we're talking to you now. Why are we even talking about it, mind your own family? Raise your own family that she stole. Yeah, exactly. Eileen, you know, I'm liking her. I really like when she gets super pissed and says things like, don't fucking call me a homewrecker, Brandy. Don't do it. I like that. But I think part of her-- and I've said it every time she's gotten pissed. Like, there's just a part of her that's just trying a little too hard to hold on to things. Like, you know what? If people have a huge fight and throw wine glasses at each other and say awful things, and then they wake up the next morning and apologize and go shopping together, that's actually a good thing. Like, I get the whole-- she's like, now we're wiping it under the table and blah, blah, blah. Well, yeah. I mean, are you going to make your whole life's mission, like, shaming somebody into sobriety? I mean-- Yeah, well, but I-- There's a point where you need to just-- Yeah, but I can understand her frustration. No. Lisa Rinna, to be honest, because, you know what? I love Lisa Rinna on this show. I think she's great, but-- and I actually-- I understand the motivations for what she's doing when she explained them, how she's like, you know what? I didn't want to, like, retread this. I was in survivor mode. I get that. But, you know, Lisa Rinna is-- she's a little bit of a bullshit artist, you know? When she's-- She's very LA. You will never know if this bitch is mad at you. Yeah, because-- Smile, smile, smile. Absolutely. Because she was kind of talking at both sides of her mouth with Eileen, and then later, when everyone was saying nice things to each other, and she says to Kim, like, I love you. I'm like, ah, Lisa, you're-- now you're being a little fake. I love her, but I felt like she's fake. Well, yeah, she's being fake, but she's also being, like, kabalist, you know? Like, I feel like sisterhood. I love ladybugs. I love busboys. I love carpets. I love clouds that look like dogs. Like, part of it is just like learning to love everybody, man. So I think what she was saying was, like, Kim, you're a wreck. You're probably going to be dead in a couple of years. But I want you to know that I'm a human, and you're a human. At the end of the day, we both poop. And I love that about you. OK, girl, girl power. But, you know, it comes out like, I love you. And then Kim's like, ah, yeah, if you love me, you get some cancer and get some medication and cup of tea. That's love. I don't know how you're from. He has been making up his stupid commercials. He uses drawings and commercials anymore, Harry Hamlin. Yeah, most commercials now are films on TV. I just draw them in college based on somebody with Bobby Socks. Who is Bobby Socks? That's Harry Hamlin's secret. My greatest accomplishment was falling in love with a man upstairs in the Folger's light commercials. I don't even know what Folger's light is. Is that like a copy? The best part of waking up really is just not when you don't wake up, you know? And just, like, keep flaping. I love that kind of thing. The best part of waking up is Taser's choice in your cup. Wait, I'm confused. Is Taser's choice the cup or Folger's waking up? Ah, I've got to go to rehab. waking up is not having to use the cup, because who cares? She just woke up. Blink you out of the sink. Don't-- don't damage my sobriety. I was in treatment at Maxwell House. I just saw-- I just saw a commercial for Smirnoff, and it ruined my sobriety. I've been waiting so hard. My favorite therapist was Dr. Senka. Yeah, so those fights are getting a little old to me, because-- Oh, I love them. Look, you're not real. They're real. They're not going to top Kim doing what she did last week and then getting a glass thrown in her face like-- No, I know about it. Sorry, no matter what happens from now on, that's done. So there need to either be new fights, because honestly, at this point, obviously Kim's still a drunk. If she doesn't want to admit it, and she doesn't want to sit there and talk about it at dinner on a boat, I can totally understand that. I don't really need her to. The obvious thing here is that it's not even about that. Brandy's been helping stir all this shit up and saying how worried she is for Kim and how it's worse than anybody could ever even know. And she can't confront her. I mean, isn't it obvious she's still using? Like, all the stuff that Brandy said has just added fuel to this fire. And it actually is very sad watching Kim. And somebody brought something really interesting up on our Facebook page about this when they said, I think that Kim finally realized that, you know, Brandy was talking about her back because she hasn't tweeted and she hasn't blogged since the episode where we saw her on the beach talking about Kim. - Wow. - I think. - That's a good point. - I don't know if you guys should fact check that. Like she suddenly went into hiding, you know? - Yeah, I have to say that, to get back to your earlier point, I love the fights, because again, I feel like they're coming from a real place. I feel like it's not like Atlanta where it's like, they are fighting because they kind of want to fight. I mean, of course there is some element of that in this, but I feel like it's a real thing that's happening. I think like with Kyle, that's real frustration about like seeing her own sister being manipulated by this evil woman who is like turning her against her and making and filling her head with thoughts. Like that's real frustration. I think with Eileen, it's like real frustration. And you know, all of it, it comes from a real place and it's like stuff is not resolved. And even though it is sort of loud bickering and, you know, at that one point on the boat where they were just bickering so much that Yolanda's like, okay, I have to go eat food now. You know, I get it. - Well, the thing is like the Kim arguments I get and that stuff is real. And obviously Kim is in such a tonight, like Kim is in the thick of such sickness that it's making it uncomfortable, but at least I'm buying that. What I'm not buying is Brandy. It's just why are we even talking to Brandy? My favorite thing about this trip was when Brandy started screaming in the middle of the street and everybody just walked away. And then she was walking behind them going, "Me, me, me, me, me, me," Yolanda's like, "Oh really, you know who's mean?" Mr. Limes, the person who climbs is mean. - Mr. Limes. - He made people so tired, they got paralyzed. I was like, "Whatever, my left foot, you're not paralyzed. "You're in a full face of fucking makeup. "You're on the show." - Yeah, but I know. - Yeah, the Brandy stuff, I just can't with her. And then I'm looking over the Bravo blogs right now and hers is really long, but they're so ridiculous that I like to read part about it. The headline is, "There are three different Lisa R personalities." And one of our readers said, "Yeah, and all three of them are better than yours," which I liked. But she says, "The thing I see most is that "there are three Lisa Renner personalities. "The first is the bubbly cool chick I had on my podcast "and really liked. "The second is the one who uses a soft, convincing actress voice "to label people she barely knows as addicts, "insane, and white trash every week "for our entire time together." So the one, so the observant one, basically. - Yeah, the one who sees very basic information is able to process it. - Yeah. - See is the lady with triangular tits and a shirt going down to her belly button and a full face of makeup that doesn't move with a really bad dye job and a cheekbone line who's talking about blow jobs as much as possible to get a little detention and starting fights with old ladies. - Yeah, Brandy, that's a really rough hypothesis to arrive at. These labels were because she cares. The third Lisa Renner is the one that said, "Why is everyone afraid of Kim Richards?" And now says, "Kim Richards scares me." This is the same personality all the other women seem to excuse the most and have to literally physically restrain from violence. This last one is the same Lisa Renner taking angry pot shots at the people online and on Twitter since November. I guess some people that wear that little red string on their wrist just pretend to study Kabbalah, I have friends that actually do study it and they are pacifists. Don't worry, she deleted her many crazy tweets pretty quickly, but they're out there. We all know once you delete something, it lives forever. Yeah, like every idiotic tweet you've made, accusing Bravo of bullying you. - Yeah. - Fucking moron. - It's just trash. Trash. - White trash. - I know that some of our, I know that some of our listeners are Brandy fans and that's totally cool and everything and we don't wanna make you feel marginalized or something in our audience. But it's like, I don't want people to feel like they're just listening, they're smoking me out of their ears. But in this case, it's like it's very hard for me to really embrace Brandy anymore 'cause I just feel like she really does. - I think it's a useless human being. She's never been honest or true to one person ever that we've seen. - Yeah, well, exactly. So, you know this, there's of course the big thing that happened is that as they're getting off the boat, this is after the like, after Brandy says, "Everyone say one thing that's nice about everyone else." And then as soon as she proposed that game, by the way, Brandy is in the interview being like, "I just can't stand listening to these women "come up with all this fake bullshit to say about each other." I'm like, "Well, then why did you propose the game, "you stupid bitch?" Sorry, that was rude. But- - Everyone here is so judgmental. Like your tits, nice hair. I like that you found a rich guy to fuck you fucking prostitute. - So, then they're all getting off the boat and then Brandy being drunk, being a not angry drunk is like getting kind of like silly with Lisa and she's like making jokes about the love boat and she's like, "Kiss me, kiss me." And Lisa's like, "No, no darling, no." She's like, "If you kiss me, I'm gonna slap you." And then Brandy, again, like a kid who's overly rambunctious or whatever slaps Lisa. It's like a playful slap but an uninvited slap nonetheless. - And like it's obvious playing and it's something that's gonna be made this huge thing. And that is where I think that Brandy does get the shitty end of the stick. I think that everybody knows she's kidding and at this point they're also sick of her that they're just using the whole, "She's violent." And she's a predictable and I can't work with people who are violent. I lean dead. When I lean first got mad at Brandy, she was like, "She's violent. "She's a stalker fan." Like she's real, I'm really worried for my safety. Like she did say stuff like that. - Well, I mean, Brandy did admit to slashing her ex-tires. - Well, so did Carrie Underwood and she's still one of the sweetest little people I've ever seen in my life. - Yeah, we'll put her on this show, she won't be. But I don't think if Brandy was a bad fucking bitch, I'll tell you if I ever have to listen to Brandy, yes, she's like, "It turns out to be this "like horribly foul-mapped awful person." I would love that. - But you know, Brandy, I wouldn't say Brandy is violent based on that slap. I don't think the slap came from a mean place. - No, she's just an idiot crying way too hard to get attention. - But it's what Lisa Vanderpump described later at the pancake place, which I definitely want to go to, where she was like, "You know, it was like taking it too far. "It doesn't understand her audience. "It doesn't realize, it is like that kid "who just pushes the button a little too hard, "who thinks it's funny, and it's like, "No, it's just, I kind of get it. "It's not like it was violent, it was playful, "but it was kind of like, no, that's like, "I don't play like that, you know? "I don't play like that." - Homie don't play that. - Yeah, she, I mean, I think she was just trying to be funny and trying to initiate something with Lisa again, but, you know, I like that Lisa just immediately is like, "Ha, ha, ha, no, darling, no, no, no, no, no, not that." No, no, not that, not that. - I like that she like turns all mom on her, but-- - Yes. - I don't know, I think Brandy's just out of place at this point, and if all she's going to do is use all of her scenes to either try and pretend she's a victim or complain about how old everybody is. When it's like, "Honey, you look like a candy corn "that got left on top of like the fucking heater." Just shut up, falling people hold. - I know. - But yeah, she just has no place. All she does is talk about how she's done, and she doesn't fit in, and then, and that, by, by, you're the trashiest thing on this show, 'cause this shows been fun this season, even without people yelling at each other and throwing wine glasses, you know? - Yeah, the cast is really unpointed. I just love it. I really do. - Shit, just watching Lisa Rinna talking about how she doesn't want her kids to be sluts. - Yeah. - That's funny to me. - Yeah, absolutely. - To get with it. So what else happened? I'm really glad we're done with Amsterdam. I don't understand countries who need to paint rooms all one color, not into the monochromatic dutch. I think you guys got going on over there. - Yeah. - Well, nothing really happened. They went, you know, oh, well, they went to, they went to a museum, and like, the Rembrandt Museum in college. College like, I could draw, I could paint better than that. I'm like, okay, college and settle down. Take a seat. Take a seat, you can't. You can't. (laughs) That's Rembrandt, you're a collard, Richards. Please go like shit. - Well, what about those big robes, and how do people go diarrhea back there? (humming) College like, I went to color me mine and painted a mug once. Sorry, that's a call back to the bonus episode. - Yes, we did talk about color me mine. (laughs) - Oh, Kyle. - Oh, yeah, and then intercut that with the other ladies looking at Delos. Like this one? - Oh, yeah. - Classy trip. - Yeah, classy. - I think this cast is a little too uptight for this, for this cast trip. 'Cause this cast trip would have been amazing on Atlanta. They would have been walking around with blunts. - Yeah, or OC, OC, they would have, they definitely would have eaten the pop brownie. Tamara would have. - Vicki would have found the only on delays in Holland. (laughing) - She would have wore the clogs and done something ridiculous. No, they would have been stoned off their asses of the OC women one there. - Oh, I was looking through old YouTube videos the other day and was watching. - Oh man, the change over from summer to fall has been so lovely. I love fall clothes, and it's so nice getting an upgrade from my regular old dusty hoodie to something brand new and stylish from Queens. - I know, this is like layering season and I am ready for a beautiful, beautiful sweater. Queens offers affordable, high quality essentials for any wardrobe. - I just got the most adorable casual jacket which I'm gonna use more than anything else in my wardrobe from Queens. I mean, I look adorable and (laughing) you look adorable. - I can't even oversell this. I look adorable in this thing. - You do, and I honestly, like, they're false sweaters. I'm loving the color palette they have for them. They're just like very subtle, like a lot of stones and beige's. It's really my vibe for fall 2024. - Upgrade your wardrobe with pizzas made to last with quince. Go to quince.com/crapins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's qu-i-n-c-e.com/crapins to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/crapins. - Listen, weight loss drugs and GLP ones are all anybody's talking about right now. They're everywhere, but it's confusing to figure out how to get them. But it doesn't have to be. Through Hymns and Hers, you can get access to a budget-friendly weight loss program personalized just for you. - Hymns and Hers connects you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine your best treatment option. And if prescribed, you get the medication as part of a doctor-developed weight loss program complete with ongoing support check-ins, medication adjustments, and answers to questions, 100% online at no additional cost. - Through Hymns and Hers, weight loss plans are more affordable, starting at $199 per month with a 12-month subscription paid up front. No hidden fees, no access fees, and no membership fees. - Start your free online visit today at forhers.com/crapins. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com/crapins for your personalized weight loss treatment options. - For Hers.com/crapins. - Hers, weight loss is not available everywhere. Companded products are not FDA-approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required restrictions apply. - The OC reunion where Vicki and Tamara hated each other. Oh my God. That show really knows how to scream. (laughing) - Really Vicki, really try me to tell everybody what you did with that busboying car boat. She's like, "What?" (laughing) - Every OC reunion is exactly the same, but they're always good. They do a good reunion. - They really do 'cause they're so stupid. And that was the one where Alexis was like, "I have proof on emails." (laughing) - She pulls out like a, I don't know, like a donut. (laughing) You know, Real Housewives New York does great vacations. OC does great reunions and season finales too. OC always ends strong. - You know, Beverly Hills has never been really good with vacations actually. Master's vacation sucked. - Yeah. I don't remember what was the first time. - Oh, why vacation was okay? 'Cause that was watching him like hit rock bottom. It was horrible to say, but it was interesting. - Yeah, the season one vacation I don't really remember. - Season one, they went to, well, they started by going to Vegas, remember? - Was that their, but that was like an early season. - That was like their first thing. And then to show off Adrien's products. She's like, "Hello, welcome to the Maloof Hotel, where we serve Maloof vodka, and we wipe the floors with pine maloof." It's like, "Jesus Christ, we get it, you have products." She's like, "That's Lindsay Lowen's little sister over there singing on top of the slot machine. We own her." Okay, so anyway, are we done with Bev Hill? - Yeah, I think so. - So is super fun to watch, but man, I went off about it for an hour last week, and I can't yell at a drunk anymore. It's like, at this point I'm just like-- - I think we covered all the main, the important stuff. - Yeah, so I can have a drink. But let's just all have a drink. - So which one next? Melbourne? - You know, Melbourne's back. - Oh yeah, Melbourne is back to the mix. - I was thrilled. - I have to tell you, I was thrilled to be watching Melbourne again. - I was really thrilled. - I loved how everybody looked. I look at everyone's new looks, check. He looks different. - Oh yeah. - Chon-chon-chon. - Chon-chon, she shown. - Lydia looks beautiful, and I love that Lydia's just basically starving herself. Everyone's like, "How did you do so much weight?" And she's like, "I eat what I want to eat, but it's not much, and it works." - And she goes like, "Chef coffee." She's like, "Yeah, how many cups?" "Eight large cups a day." (laughing) - She's like, "I have one bite on my sandwich. I give the rest of Mr. Figaro." (laughing) - He's not gay. (laughing) - I love Mr. Figaro, actually. Or is this his Figaro? I think they, I don't know. (laughing) - Don't call him Fat Grow, 'cause he is not gay. Lydia wants everybody to know that her dog is not gay, okay? - Yeah, not that he's shaming her dog. - Yeah, Figaro, so let's see. This is like a week ago that I watched the episodes, so it's like, I'm like trying to-- - Oh, I just watched the yesterday. - Oh, really, okay. Well, maybe you can lead the conversation then. - Oh, I'm pretty dumb, Ben? - Well, I remember talking about the new girls. - Okay, well, let's talk about the new bit. Well, first of all, I think it's funny that Gina is like this super villain, and everybody's like, "Ooh, what's gonna happen with Gina?" - Yeah, what's Gina thinking, where's Gina? And I really just didn't see her that way. I mean, I know she calls someone in ass hair at the reunion, but Jesus Christ, people call him not Hitler. - She's like normal and lovely. I love Gina. - And everyone, like everyone hates her in the cast. - Well, not the new girl. Well, one of the gambit, I'm gonna call her Gambit, but Gamble, she clearly watched season one, she knows, and she's like immediately deciding with Gina. - She's like, "I will be siding with the queen." Okay, so Gamble. She talks like this. - She name is Gamble, first of all. - She looks like this. - Her upper face doesn't move, and she is kind of an australian accent, but it's also kind of a marionette accent, 'cause the lips aren't moving. - They don't move. - She sorta looks like a cross between Kesha and Markey Post. (laughing) - We met on E-Harmon, E-Harmon, E-M-E-I-O-Zen. It's like to react, why does it say, "I'm Gamble." - "I'm Gamble." - "I'm Gamble." - Gamble means blessings in your life, and you have lots of blessing. This is my dog, Kesha. It's my cat, Credit. This is my person, which I've named I-O-U-Donning. My husband on a boat. - It's like some old man on a boat. - Yeah. - He's like, "Great! "You know why the sun sets? "Because the Earth is turning around in a circle, "and it's about to go behind it." She's like, "Well, it's fascinating, darling." I said, "I'm glad we found each other, right?" Ugh, darling, I was really profound. (laughing) - She's... - It's like learning things from old men, darling. - She's one of those people, remember from Seinfeld, where it's like different lighting, that one episode with the woman looks different in different lighting. She is the one who like, when you look at her, sometimes she looks really young, and sometimes she looks really old, and you can't get a grasp of what she really looks like. - Yeah, she looks crazy. I'll tell you that much. Okay, in one of her quotes where she's like, "My motto in life is to calorie count." Like, "Wow, that's your motto in life." I wonder if Martin Luther King is up in heaven right now, just feeling like an idiot. He's like, "I wasted so many speeches (laughing) "when it could've just been summed up with calorie counting. "I had a dream. "We'd all fit in a plain seat, "and still eat Oreos. "Just know how many you're eating." (laughing) - Well, I loved how so there was some, Oh, Janet was having a big party. And when Gamble walked in, she was just like, "So what do you think about Gina? "Have you seen Gina yet? "I can't wait for you to meet Gina "and tell us what you think." She's sort of like, big personality. I can't wait. They're totally being mean girl instigating, and thank God for Chica who is like, "Well, I think you should just make up your own mind. "Make up your own decision." - Listen, you know, lots of people are different, and lots of people have different opinions. And sometimes it's real important for us to come together as friends and look past each other's differences and look at a similarities. For example, my dress is bigger than yours, but my hair is also shorter than yours. Let's hug. - Shut up Chica. Haven't you learned anything? How about you start some shit and stop being so nice? Chica's like, "Listen, listen, everyone. "Here's the storyline for me this year. "What would you all like to have for lunch? "I want to order what the consensus is "because we're all on the same page in the sisterhood." - No, Chica, you're not in the sisterhood. You need to cut some bitches. I don't know what the hell you're doing wasting my time. But I love that Chica shows up for season two. Bitch has not lost a pound. She does not care. And then in her opening, she's like, "Is not about how much you weigh. "It's about how wonderful you are on the inside." - Whatever. - So how much your hair looks like a peacock stop? - Sometimes beauty is just going to Fantastic Sam's and saying, "Do what you did last time." (laughing) - She's like, "Throw me to the wolves and I come back. "As a friend with all the wolves, "we're just great friends, they're lovely people." - She's like, "Hear me to the wolves and realize, "wolves can hug." - She's like, "People get exhausted trying to figure me out." And I just, I just bring them to you and we all just talk it out. And I say, "This is what I'm about." (laughing) - I've been because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm here to stay until we're all hugging. - I've been famous and I've been rich, but my favorite is just like having friends and making sure everyone's happy. - Sign, sign, sign the light on our differences so we can learn to overcome them. (laughing) - I know what I am, holla at good friendships. - I am a holla bat girl. - I am a holla bat girl. - She's giving me a holla? - I'll holla bat get ya, 'cause I'm cheeky. (laughing) - I'm not about the drama, don't want none, don't need none, but if you bring some, fine, that's your decision, we're all good with it. - I'll support you 'cause we're all human beings in the theater, I'll hug ya. - Because everyone likes drama, especially Shakespeare. (laughing) - Interesting, I love that Gamble's like, "My land comes from the Shakespearean play about bounty." (laughing) - What? (laughing) - No, it's because your mom went to an Indian resort in Connecticut and got drunk and made the decision. She was applying to be on Game of Crowns. - She was playing Russian roulette with her father's sperm. She took a gamble and it didn't pay off. She was like, "Don it, remember when we bet "I wouldn't get pregnant, I did, let's name a gamble." - Well, it's better than losing a bet. (laughing) - This is my daughter, lost bet. (laughing) - Yeah, gamble, okay. So then the other new one is Petifler. - Petifler, I like Petifler. - I feel like the producers of this show at least listen to a clip of this podcast and we're like, "You know what, their accents are awful." So let's just add more accents to see how awful we can get their accents every week. - Well, this one is like, "Indie Mixon." - Nailion. - Yeah. - What'd you call it? - There's like four different accents of them. - She's Shreelion. - Shreelion, yeah. She's black and dashy Railion. - Yeah. I actually really like Petifler. I feel like she is like a tough lady and I just like her. I'm like, you know what, I'm always prone to really enjoy Indian and Sri Lankan women. I just kind of like love them. So that goes out to you. - That goes out to you, Eva. - Shreelion, calm me into you. - I don't know. I'm never gonna be able to even talk about her 'cause I can't see how she taught. - She's like, "See, no, Riley." (laughing) See, no, Riley, could I, could I, Riley? - Like she's like, "We have one week "where we get together for..." She's like, "We get one day a week "where we have family dinner "and we love to spend time with each other." I mean, she's like... - You're making her sound like Dracula. (laughing) She's Transylvania. "I came to soak your blood at family dinner." - I'll be back at the family, will you mean me? - Hasta la vista. - Thank you, come again. Thank you, come again, have a nice day. But you see, that is too much, but it's closer than I was before. - We're gonna have to watch out this. - Do you know what I want for my birthday? - A Bentley. A white Bentley with a soft top. (imitating engine revving) Shut up. - Yeah, it's like... - And drive, drive resident by his fake stupid least, watch. - While you're at it. - Big bitch. - I like Betty Fleur. I don't know, I forgot what she did something-- - I'm not gonna like somebody. That girl sounds like a Harry Potter character. Petty Fleur. - Yeah, I like her. - Like, Petty Fleur did really well in spells. Unfortunately, she got killed in the Gryffindor Broom match. - I think she didn't like Lydia, right? If I remember correctly, she got mad at, she was like, she was turned off by one of the things that Lydia said. - I don't know if that was Gamble or her. - I don't know. - But one of them, Lydia was just rolling her eyes. That's just what she does. I mean, she's hungry, she's had eight cups of coffee. Let's sleep alone, all right? - Yeah. - She's thinking thin, that's important. - Yeah, darling. - And I love that she's trying to be so nice. She was like, "Mom, you know, I'm gonna see Jane a lady, "and I'm gonna come with a feeling of love. "I'm gonna come to the table like a nice big basket "of bread and just offer to share myself with people, "and hopefully she'll slather me with butter "and take me there, and mom." And her mom's like, "Don't take any of your crap, "that stupid drag queen." I haven't seen that at least since Dom Delouise died and had no casket was disgusting. (laughing) - Nah, don't be mean. - Like, oh, really? 'Cause your mom's just coming up with this information on her own. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. What else happened? Oh, so Janet, she... - Okay, Janet, plastic surgery. You know what? Janet's plastic surgery is so good. She looks beautiful. - I love Janet. Even though Janet is like a little shady, she's a little too faced. - A little, oh, she's horribly shady. She's an awful human being. - But she's sort of like, does it in a cheery way where you're sort of like, "Oh, Janet." - It's fun, you know. She's like, "It's fun." She's like, "I don't have to stop the problem, "but why not?" You know, I'm like getting a little Randy over here. - She just sort of says, and he's like, "Well, you know, Janet and I are frenemies. "You know, we always come back to each other, "which she almost feels like by saying "that it gives her license to be totally shady." - Well, also, it's like how she sums up friendship which is so funny. She's like, "We're frenemies. "I mean, sometimes we love each other "and sometimes we hate each other, "but at the end of the day, we keep coming back "to the table to work it out, and that's a real friendship." - Like, it's really not. - Yeah, that's fine. - I don't know where you learned that whatever you were doing is a real friendship, but no. - Yeah, no. - And I liked when she went to the baker, and she was like, "So I'm having a party tonight, "and I need a cake. "I need a cake tonight." So, make me a cake as, you know, like, I don't think the baker's like that that make like really nice cakes. There's such a fake scene. Like, they don't just like make cakes for like, and to be ready in three hours. And I don't know why I'm taking such-- - Three hours. - Like, I don't know why I'm taking such issue with it, but it really-- - Thanks for coming to Albert Sims. I appreciate you coming to the tables here in front of the Starbucks to talk about the cakes. Would you like a little mermaid? I mean, it's old, but people still order it. - Well, what I did like was that the cake was like a very nice cake, and then he had this sort of like, silly, fissure price kind of like figurines made out of fondant. They're like, "This is Chanel bag. "This is a lady holding a Chanel bag. "And this is a little nurse, and that's a doctor, "and that's a rich person, that'll be you." - No, it's not. It's really sad when he's like, "Hey, look at this. "This is Marilyn Monroe, it's not you. "I mean, we can do your face, but you're in the Maryland. "You know, we can maybe do something different." And she's like, "Well, you know what? "I'm not sure about what kind of icing I want on the cake." And he's like, "Well, really, you know, "I think you need to look deep inside yourself "and start forgiving people around you." She's like, "What?" (both laughing) "Can we talk about the cake, darling?" Like, something red. And he's like, "You know, strawberry is another word "for crack hole, and that's what your friend Lydia "looks like 'cause she's drinking acup so coffee a day. "I think you need a, you know, fix something in a life "in her soul." And she's like, "I didn't come here for this. "I came here for a free fucking cake." These queens know now that they're on a popular show. You remember how last year they couldn't even film in a McDonald's? You're like, "No, you're not coming in here." And this year people are like, "Come in. "We'll give you a cake. Just come in. "Let this queen give you advice. "Come on in, darling." - Well, he was basically like, "All right, I have about 15 minutes "to sell myself as her new gay sidekick. "This is what I'm gonna do." - Meanwhile, she's dating the other gay sidekick, Oi. - Which one, the, what were the, the-- - The one who's 20. - And I'm like, "Look, your plastic surgery's great. "You're, yes, I love your-- - The guy, Carlos. - Do this on life. And I don't think that you should just like, sit in a wheelchair just 'cause you're someone who's older. I mean, come on, live it, live it, love it. Have fun. But please don't be dating someone 40 years younger than you and then wondering why he's not trying to bone you. - Yeah. I thought I was talking about her hairstylist who has like the no country for old men here. - Oh, no, that guy's amazing. - Yeah. - What's his name, like Fabrizio or something? - Probably. - I don't know. - Spiritually. That's a spirit thing. - I can't have that hair and not be named that. That big wig. And she's like, "Do you like the link, darling?" Oh, yes. I'm like, "What were we talking about?" Or, "Let me lock the front door." And I goes, "I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm mad." - Yeah. - He's all the way around, man. - Oh. - I love the gay. He's so cute. - I know. I know. Yeah, I know. It was so great to have this show back. And it was, and I was a nice moment when her son came to the party. That was nice when Janet's son, who was the burn victim, came, that was nice, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, the whole thing was nice. I really liked it. It's still, I liked it, it's fun and light. And the fights look so stupid, 'cause they're the new girls just trying to cause shit. And Gamble's like, "I don't really appreciate people talking about me, I think any issue is something that is a rumor about me, what's the rumor? Someone took out a mocha on the gamble. What's the rumor about it? - Guys. - Guys. - I don't wanna talk about it, I remember sending these things about Gamble. (laughing) - Somebody talked about Gamble. - Oh, it's been on green, right? Is that the expression? Oh, okay. - Oh, it's been on green. But I love that Janet's like, "I'm a good person, so I'm not gonna talk about the rumors." And she says like 20 times. She tells everybody that there's some huge secrets. She's like, "But I'm not gonna say what it is, 'cause I'm a nice person." - Right, right, Janet, right. - Do you think Gamble's big secret is? - That she's a flounder. - Mm. - She's formerly, I don't know. There's something about her that reads very fish-like, right? Like she should be at the bottom of the sea, like-- - She should be helping people look for Ariel. (laughing) - I went to a comedy show last night, and it was like a really bad comedy show, but there was one comic who was funny. And she got up there with a keyboard, and she sang a song called, "I'm a Butterface Mermaid." And it was like about a mermaid who was ugly and like, she's like the only ugly mermaid. Anyway. - That would suck. - It's like you finally find a prince, and he takes one look at you and jump out of the water, and you get legs, and he just pushes you back in. - Yeah. - It's like swim on. - Yeah, exactly. Like what do you do when like you're a Butterface mermaid? - You catch and release. - Yeah. - Okay, so Malborn, not a whole lot. - Yeah, it looks like the ladies are gonna still try and start shit with Gina, but Gina does not give a fuck, and she is ready to party. She's like, "Bring it on, ladies." She's like, "Ready to fight this year," which I really like. She's ready for whatever they bring her. But she's also aligned herself with Gamble, which seems pretty smart. - Oh, it's more like Gamble has aligned herself with Gina. - Well, she's taking it in a little minion. You know, she'll take it, and then-- - She also likes petty floors. - Who else is aligning. Who's this petty floor aligning with? - Well, I don't know who petty floor's aligning with, but I think that Gina likes petty floor too, right? - I think so. - She said, to one of the ladies said something kind of sassy, and Gina's like, "I wrote the like it." Or I thought it was good. - Oh yeah, yeah. - She's like, "I like that spunk." - But I like that Gamble's like, "I love layering circuits." I think it's deep, big, little, little, little, big. - Well, someone's-- - Someone in your life named Peter, blah, blah, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. And then they cut to what's your buns. Like, "Shrine, try, try, try." They really like, "Negail, try, try, try, try, try." - Well, I must go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. - I must go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. - Wait, now one of them said something that upset petty floor too, right? What did one of them say again? - I don't know 'cause there was something so small and significant, but of course, it's gonna become a 10-hour fight. - Yeah, I like it, I've had small things said to me that get under my skin and then fester for weeks and weeks and weeks and then finally I hate that person. - Uh-oh, is that a warning? - Yes, Rondo. - You'd be like, "Remember that time you tried to buy a road "and you didn't have a week card?" That was uncool, man. - That was some cool, I was gonna build a settlement at the OE brick and sheep junction and then you put a road there and I couldn't build my settlements. - The real housewives of the settlers of Catan. The real housewives of Catan. - I would love to play Catan in Gina. (laughing) - My god, Gina, Gina would be like, Lisa knows about to build a road here, darling, but I'm sorry I'm five hours late, the construction people are gone, so I just threw the road out there. It's in the middle of the wheat field, hope you don't mind. - She's like, I built a city on the desert, there, I won. No, Gina, that's just your first thing. - No, no, no, no, I built a city, it's very sophisticated, it's like Abu Dhabi, it's on the desert, there, I won. - I'm sorry I used the game pieces to wipe the spray tanner with. - Right, that was a $40,000 game of settlers of Catan, Gina. (laughing) - Or I left some tanner on your game. In significant arse here. - But I love that her first scene is walking past the store called The Bitches Back. - Yeah. - Yeah, you go, Gina. - Do you remember last season when they shot that, like scene with Andrea was walking in some strange lacy dress like down the street in this very awkward way? I kind of miss Andrea, she was such a bitch that like, I hope, I hope like a real huge bitch like Andrea emerges this season. - Oh, well they cast, you know Gamble and Pettifor are both gonna be awful. They both just see. - Yeah, well, the Gamble's not gonna be an alphabet, she'll just be like, smarmy. Sort of, not to go back to the back of the book. - I have to go back to the catty because they showed in the previews for the upcoming episode, she's like, I can't believe these women are just bitches, you know, just playing bitches. - She won't be catty, but she won't be, you know what it's, she'll be like, to bring it back to the aquatic thing, she'd actually be like one of Ursula's eels, you know, sort of like peeking out behind a rock, sort of like slithering in and the stinks, I'm like, ah, you know, like Ursula's eels, right? She had eels, right? ♪ Born forts in its sows ♪ - So who's gonna be Ursula? Who is Ursula? I mean, Gina seems like she'd be Ursula. - You need a strawberry cake that doesn't remind people that when she rolled his, his sister. - He's like, what do you do, what do you hope is? Do you surf, do you ski, she's like, - I do like to ski, but I don't want that on my cake. It's like, happy birthday, Janet, Janet, who likes skiing. (laughing) - I forgot. (laughing) Oh no, that's what it's gonna happen on this. I'm trying to remember. - You just made snot come out of my nose. - What's that? - You just made snot come out of my nose. (laughing) - Let me discuss him. - If you guys are not watching Real Housewives of Melbourne, it is worth it. Starting a little slow, but you know, we can't all just be beating on our drunk sisters straight out of the gate. - Right. - We need some time. And even though it's not the fastest, it is the funniest. I have to say. It made me laugh the whole way through. - And I think I have faith that it will get up to speed. You know, last season started off like a little slow. It was like funny, but it sort of had to build up. But then once it built up, it was great. I think that's what we're gonna have this season too. So I am looking forward to it. And now let's move on to our next show. - Well, we've got Atlanta and Vanderpoop Drules next, which I think we should probably do Atlanta for. - Okay, both of them were sort of uneventful. I have to admit. - Oh, I have some Vanderpump stuff I really want to talk about. - Well, why don't we do that one first then? - Okay, okay, Vanderpump rules Stassy. - What the fuck is happening with Stassy, okay? - We have a really good comments on our page, which I'm looking up right now. - Always do because we have wonderful listeners. - Yeah, and these comments really are good. Let me see where it is. - And then meantime, I'll let you go up. - Someone basically wrote. Yeah, look at it. You talk about it. - No, no, no, you look it up. I was just going to say, well, you're looking it up. I actually felt like the reunion was more or less kind of tame and it only got really interesting once Stassy came out because she was saying such bullshit that that's when it like got me in rage because that's what these reunions are all about, right? Like people like hold onto their bullshit and they get called out and confronted with it and they still hold onto their bullshit and he gets so mad. And that's really when it happened the most then. - Yeah, Stassy is completely in the wrong for obviously. She's a total bitch and she comes back on and then of course like every bully this week, it was bully week on Bravo. It was like bullies getting their due week on Bravo 'cause usually the bullies never get their due. But this week we have Brandi crying off in a corner. Stassy crying off in a corner and Nini pretty much about to be crying in a corner because they're all pretending that they're these like Buddhists who are like above everybody else. The stuff with Stassy, the really interesting stuff came out with what Jax was saying was Stassy and I don't know how much everybody was catching on to some of this, but the stuff that she was saying and the stuff that Jax was saying was really bizarre if you start adding it together. Like if they haven't seen each other for a couple of years but then Tom's like, well, but you didn't you call him crying asking for money and she's like, well, yes, but that's because of holes he put in the wall. When? Because if you haven't talked for two years, where were these holes? Where were you discussing something with Jax that he would be putting holes in your wall? And then Jax is just cutting her a check and then the part where they were like, well, you know, they say your boyfriend refuses to be here and he's super jealous and he said, I'll break up with you if you film with Jax. And she's like, yeah, but I would expect the same thing. So she's basically giving credence to that. Yeah. And then she's saying, Andy's Andy, this fucking retarded questions is usually like, so you're mad because he cheated? You know, Andy, Barbara Walters did retire and I don't know what you're still doing on it 11 at night 'cause you really deserve some more credit, fucking idiot. But anyway, he's like, so you're mad that he cheated? And she's like, no, it's more than cheated. He did some really life altering stuff to me. It's never gonna leave. And I'm like, okay, did he give you herpes? Did he impregnate your butt? What, there's too many unanswered questions here. They're obviously still talking and she's pretending that they're not. Right. And I love how like Jax, before she comes out, I was like, oh, well, I'll always love Stasi. Like, you know, I'll always have her back. Like, even though I got, I don't know, I'll always love her. And then she comes out and she's like, a bitch champion and he's like, oh, really? He's like, I fucking hate you. But he's, they're still talking. Like she's, what I got from that is that they're obviously still in contact and she's going through, 'cause he said, you guys don't even understand, like, you know, whatever Stasi may act like or whatever she says, she's really had it rough this past three years. Like, you know, so she's been relying on Jax to talk about her feelings while she was dating some guy and Jax is punching holes in walls and he did something life altering to Stasi. I mean, what the fuck? - Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what is going on with him. I don't know why it was suddenly such a big deal that at the season finale that they wound up in, that she was gonna see Jax for the first time. It's like, it's hard to remember that there was a time that they were actually like a couple and they were fighting for the relationship and all this and that. Like, I've like forgotten those days. So it's sort of, it's like, I kind of don't care about like where they stand right now. It just, it seems strange. I was more interested in, and when she was being confronted about the stuff with like Katie and how Shina was sort of like attacking Stasi. And then I loved how Horseface, all of a sudden Horseface is seeking an ally. So she's like defending Stasi to no end. She's like, you don't even know. Seriously? Seriously, Shina? We're friends now. I like that Katie is suddenly friends with Stasi again for no reason, but then Stasi's still so mean during. And he's like, well, isn't it? Don't you find it weird that you're, oh yeah, Kristin. She's like, don't you find it weird that you're friends with Kristin again? And she's like, she's the only one who will talk to me. That's really nice. Yeah. It's like a warm-up gumbes shirt. Yeah, exactly. Friends with her 'cause I'm desperate. You know, they both are. They're the only people that they that are like would talk to each other in the universe. My favorite part of this reunion was everybody who's just fed up with Kristin and Stasi just yelling at them to shut up. Yeah. That was hilarious. It's like every five minutes, like, shut up. Oh, just shut up. Kristin. God, Kristin, just shut up, Kristin. You don't know anything, Kristin. You weren't there, Kristin. Kristin, stop Kristin. I know. I loved whoever-- I'm going to try to find the quote, but someone said on our Facebook page that we have to talk about James wearing the deep v-neck, revealing his little boy body with little sprigs of chest hair. [LAUGHS] God, James has just-- James has just patched all face and he's like, which she's mine now then, brother. I know. She's mine now, brother. She's with me all the time now. Yeah, after talking about some other dude for a whole year on national TV. Grow some pride, dude. Yeah, exactly. And I loved how, of course, the quote of the night, it was when they're trying to explain why Jax and Kristin had sex when she's saying she's in a vulnerable place and he was in a vulnerable place and the gym's like, listen. Hot people like fucking hot people. That's just what people do. [LAUGHS] Oh, God. Oh, is that why Andy kept saying that over and over? Yeah, because James said that. He's like, listen. Oh, I missed that part. And I thought it was because Bethany says that. That's like the Bethany name. James is saying that's why Jax and Kristin had sex. Because people like fucking hot people. Oh, God. Neither one. It's like mediocrity, likes fucking mediocrity, I guess. Yeah, against weathered, likes horses. [LAUGHS] So like that. Sausage-casing face loves horse faces. [LAUGHS] We're so caddy. Yeah, but his face is becoming a sausage. What is he doing to even when somebody asked to tell me even when they had flashbacks earlier in the season? You could see there was a difference. I feel like this shows leaving me with more questions in cereal. Yeah, I know What's happening with Jackson? What's happened to Jackson's face? What is with Kristen's face? And can you get Botox in just one eye and make it not move? When did our eyes stop moving? What's going on? Oh my god. Oh my god, I don't have any wrinkles. What do you think you start getting wrinkles exactly bit? I know. Trust me, Botox, you're not your face is gonna start crinkling up at 40, okay? I know. That Olay, Regenerous, ain't gonna do anything either. Just move your face like you can't. It's like you yeah, you may not have wrinkles, but you've done so much stuff to your face. You look like you're a 56-year-old woman trying to stay young. It's the new race of plastic surgery face. You can't tell how old anyone is. They just all look old because they look crazy. Yeah, exactly because you know, it's an old woman doing it. And also she looks like she's wearing a drag queen breastplate. You know those like rubber things that never match the skin of the neck. Yes. Yes, she looks like she's wearing that. It's like come on. You're a pretty girl. My cleaver is just seriously fucked. Cleaver is my thing. Yeah, what was she wearing a crop top? I know that. You make me a breastplate. Alright, I'm gonna have to set the color me mine of Azusa. I'm going to do the chest color. I melted a bunch of copper roosters from Dros Dros for last, and I made a breastplate because my plate's are my thing. I got a crop top from Steinmart. Steinmart is so classy compared to Dros Dros for last. I know. So the rest of Vanderpump rules, which I thought was false dating, were scenes from the next reunion. Yeah. Because Stacey says, "God, I just feel like I should just say I'm wrong, so everybody will get off my back." And everybody at the same time goes, "You are wrong, Stacey!" Yeah, and I actually really enjoyed George Schwartz said something to the fact of about how Stacey was saying that she was so glad to be moving on because everyone was so judgmental, yada, yada. When she was the most judgmental and immature people this season, probably. Or ever, like that's how she... I just feel bad for Stacey because she's in the real world, and how is she gonna deal with this? And also girls like that who just change their selves for some man who's trying to control them. You know, if you look at this as any normal human being, when you start dating a guy who doesn't want you hanging out with her, and who doesn't want you hanging out with your friends, and who doesn't want you dressing the same, and who wants you just to be there at home sitting around waiting for them, they're usually kind of abusive in some way. I'm not saying he's beating, but I'm saying there's some weird emotional thing there. And congratulations to Stacey's parents who basically taught Stacey to, you know, get pretty enough to get old and, you know, get pretty enough to marry some rich guy to take care of her forever and never have to do anything. It's like, her only thought about stopping waiting tables is to find a man so she can stop waiting tables. Get a fucking job, lady. Well, that guy's in for a treat because to get back to what you said at the very top of the episode about Jessica from Shazza Sunset, all sweet and subservient in the beginning, and then the real Stacey comes out, you know what the real Stacey is? Well, he's seen the show. He's seen the show, so he's gonna be pre-knucking her ass, and he's gonna... You'll want to foster her ass, okay? You'll want to foster, still give speeches about how much she loves her dear David because they have a pre-knuck. She would not be given that speech every week if she had not signed a pre-knuck. That's how to keep him nice in this town. Yeah, certainly is. By the way, I looked up her boyfriend, Patrick Meager, hot. Yeah, he is hot. He is hot. I would let him emotionally abuse me, so I'm not judging you, Stacey. I'm just saying, come back to the Fiving Times, Stacey telling you, enjoy the fact that you're a horrible person in the world hates you. That's your calling card. You've worked hard at it. It's your third reality show, girl. You've finally become the bitch that you were trying to be. Blossom like a little flower. Yeah, the one I feel the worst for of this whole thing is actually Christina, because she tried so hard to get on to this show, to be in that ring, to be in the mix, and still know where to be found. Poor Dana. Poor her. She tries hard. Oh, she really, she's got that thirst, and she is working hard, but I don't know. Not even to come out for five minutes. Yeah, I mean, well, the British busboy. Nobody's even said like, Stacey, you know, that girl who ubers you around and agrees with everything you say. What about her? No one brings her up. Yeah, no one even says anything about Christina. Meanwhile, the British busboy waltzes right on to the show season three and gets a prime spot in the reunion. Yeah, well, Lord knows he's earned it. Jesus. Yeah, I have to say, by the way, they brought up the whole thing about the car selfie. And, you know, I wish someone had asked what's a busboy doing with a BMW. But I do think when they relived that scene, I did think it was really funny when he said, why did you take a Honda Civic selfie? I mean, that's pretty funny. Yeah, that was funny. And that whole fight was stupid. I don't understand that. And then I'll remember why they were fighting. Yeah, it's like, well, y'all, you know, I remember why I called him that because he said something about more selfie and I should have thought of something better. But, you know, it was a selfie and a lot of stuff, a Civic selfie and a lot of stuff. What are you talking about? Shut up. Get him out of here. Put him back at the kids table. Christian, you should be ashamed of yourself for Christ's sake. Yeah. Little children are supposed to ride the ponies around, not take them home. Yeah. They were so in love. We met at a birthday party. I was there for a petting zoo. He pinned a tail on me. It hurt for a minute, but then once he was riding me around the backyard, he was the only person that didn't kick me and make me go faster. So, I think there was more discussion about the girl from Miami, by the way. Oh, actually, Ariana had a good. Fucking ugly plastic flesh bot from Miami. We had sex. Then we did it. Yes, we did it. Now we did it. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Security. Yeah, they, I think there was just more denials as Christian. Oh, to clear my name. I'm totally over it now. Ariana had a good zinger, didn't she? Maybe something about, about the effect that they were like, they always go, like Tom Doe is like, hanging out with like pretty girls or whatever, hooking up with pretty girls, and she's like, "Well, I'm not more," because she wasn't pretty, something like that fact. Much better than what I just said, but I give her props to that. Um, yeah, I'm really going to be sad when Vanderpump rules ends. It's almost over. No, and next week looks like it'll be a good part of reading, and Lisa Vanderpump looks like she yells at Stossie, which is really nice. I mean, I actually, she, she is getting more like this on Beverly Hills now with that attitude. I really like her attitude more on Vanderpump rules, and I know that it's easier to have the attitude when you're just talking about a young, a bunch of young people who work for you. I mean, supposedly. But I really like when she just tells people often, she's like, "No, I gave you everything and you just turned your back on me. I don't appreciate it, darling." And she's like, "I'm an Arianaita." It's just pretty. She does just ready to tell everybody off at all times. Yeah, because it's in some way someone has, like, offended her. She's like, "I'm king of Berlin. We're talking about this three weeks after my wedding. I was still experiencing the allow, and you ruined it." A lot of bad y'all preview from my wedding. That's not cool. Yelp is my thing. I can't believe you would mention this as I was on the way to play a comparison to look at photos from my wedding. I was trying to relive the night, and you ruined it, and I couldn't even enjoy my fajita. Oh, so that will be coming up next going. Also, we'll be covering southern charm on this show, so please be watching southern charm, which begins next week on The Barabs. Yeah, but we have Atlanta before you try to wrap this up. No, no, I'm not trying to wrap. I thought it sounded like I was like, "You best not be wrapping this up." No, I just figured when I'm having crazy days like this, if I remember to say something important, I should just say it, because otherwise it'll just fly away. Yeah, I'm actually very excited for southern charm, which, as the name implied, it really charmed me with its lunacy. But it's like, as we talked about in first season, it's like rich assholes being assholes in a different way than they are on Shaza Sunset or any of these other shows. My dad wasn't against the end of slavery. He just wishes that people didn't have to die to get there. Oh, okay, great, that's all. Can't wait to see the next season of this show. He's like, learn about more about it during, if you read his keynote address to SAE in Oklahoma State or University of Oklahoma. I'm running for state senator of Charleston. And I just like to say, my platform is, forgive old white men. They didn't mean it. Now, let's just all give them some more money. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. By the way, are you watching House of Cards? No, because that guy really has gone into phog horn, leg horn. Have you, wait, I'm speaking of Netflix. Are you watching the unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt? No, I heard it's great, though. So funny. It's like the second coming of 30 Rock and Jane Krakowski is absolutely hilarious. And Ellie Kemper is great. Actually, I like Ellie Kemper really deserves the whole cast, Titus Burgess, everyone. Yeah, I'll check it out. So Atlanta, not much House of Cards. He's like, I'm going to pass a bill. I'm going to pass it so far. No one sees it flying past their face. Watch this senator. He thinks I'm here to ask him about coffee. I'm really here to ruin his life. Hello, senator. I'm like, oh, no, Southern charm needs to take that format. Okay, I just had to get that out, because who am I going to talk about House of Cards with? Nobody. Nobody. It's like America. I want to pass an economic plan. I'm like, oh, shut up. Okay. Atlanta, Atlanta, Neenie is Buddha. Saint Neenie, Saint Neenie. Neenie, you guys, Neenie does not understand. What is wrong with everyone? Why can't people get along? What has happened to these women that they cannot bond as women and get along? Why do we always fight? That's almost as if there's like a giant moose-like presence who yells at everyone every time they get together? Why can't they just get along? And they just spread gossip and lies about everybody and pits them against each other and then forgives people and pretends that she didn't because she doesn't want to do any more scenes with them. Yeah. You stupid hooker, Neenie. No one's ever was... We all see through that bullshit. Who are you kidding, lady? What have you been trying to do? Yeah. So the thing this week was that Neenie wants to get everyone together to group counseling. Spoiler alert, the scenes from next week is that the first one to go march out of the group counseling is Neenie. So anyway... And she pulls an apprentice, too, where she quits and Donald Trump's calling her. He's like, "What are you doing? Come back." And she's like, "You would too nice to star Jones. Why don't you just go be nice to star Jones again?" "Oh, sorry, I can't talk to you. I think you're other laundrying it." And it's star Jones to lick your ass, click. Yeah. And when she's like, according to next week's promos, she's like, "Well, I didn't realize this was a gang up on Neenie's session. I thought it'd be therapy." But you know what's funny? If everyone's like, "Gang up on you," rather than walk out, maybe you should think from a moment like, "Okay, I do feel gang up on, but if everyone has the same issues with me, maybe I should listen and take note and think about how I can change this thing that everyone is so frustrated about rather than walk out." Like, there's a reason why they're gang up on Neenie is not because of your ramen here. She's not trying to fix anything. She's trying to look like the nice one because she's getting so much hate on Twitter that it's becoming fucking unbearable for her, okay? And you can't just suddenly decide that you're gonna act nice in one episode and everybody's gonna fall for it. I mean, it works for some of Brandi's fans. I've noticed that online. Yeah. But, you know, you can't be nice for one paragraph, except expect everybody to fall for it. 'Cause it's bullshit. And if you think about almost every issue that's going on on this show, it started with Neenie, okay? This whole Phaedra and Candy thing, "Oh, really? What a coincidence. Neenie's calling you every day now, suddenly, and now you have a problem with Candy." That's interesting. Right. Portia and Kenya. What other problems? Cynthia, obviously, is her. Who else even has a problem? She has a problem with Claudia, which is her again. You know, the Candy and Portia thing actually really bothers me because it's one of the few friendships on this show that I feel like is genuine. And you can just see a combination of the producers and the other women getting into Portia's ear. Phaedra's ear. Did I say Portia before? I meant Phaedra. Getting into Phaedra's ear. We know there's no relationship with Portia in there. But, you know, with Candy and Phaedra, you can see, like, they're getting into Phaedra's ear and be like, "Well, she wasn't there for you. She's not there for you." "Well, she was the last one to get up and come out." It's like, you know what? Phaedra should know Candy well enough to know that Candy is pretty neutral in that, like, Candy felt awkward for a moment, and then she got up and came out. Like, it's really kind of... I don't know. I don't like it. Well, it goes deeper because Candy's just disappeared. And Candy is probably that friend who's like, "Oh, we're best friends." And then they get married, and then you never see them again. And then you're like, "Yeah, but I have cancer." And she's like, "Yeah, but my husband's mad at me." You're like, "Uh, that's true, you made a good point. You do make a good point." So, I get it. Even Mama Joyce was feeling it. Yeah, like, I get that Candy probably is like that because she devotes everything to her husband. And now she's trying even harder because her husband's obviously fucking cheating at the midget hostel in LA whenever he's there. And sort of holding their relationship hostage because of the prenup. It's like, dude, you are the first one when they're in these, like, the Candy Factory meetings. He's the first one to be talking about money and fiscal responsibility, and we got to be on top of this, we got to be on top of that. Well, that's what your wife just did, and now you're mad at her. Like, what she did was totally reasonable, to be honest, you know? Yeah. He's just mad because he's not getting that money. It's hard to be honest. That's exactly right. Well, also, Todd married Candy when he was lower than her, right? So, he was like some lime producers, some shit, on the Bravo Show. That's not a high, I mean, no offense to anybody who does that, obviously, but it's lower on the food chain, right? He was kind of in the starting out place. He starts dating a celebrity. He becomes famous. He starts all this shit on TV to get that ring. He finally gets the ring, and then he sells a show. Because she said that he went off to do, I guess it's probably Steve as went into production the week after they got married. So, now he has a taste of success, and now he understands that with that, come people that act like they want to fuck you, even though you're a little midget without personality. And the new look that he's sporting in his interviews, it's like a very hairy, like, highly sculpted, but highly fluffy beard with this. Yeah, he's gross. Someone's telling him he's sexy, and people do that in LA because they think you have money. It's not because you're sexy, okay? Yeah. So, he is thinking he's all big. Lord knows what he's doing. Maybe it's hand jobs. Maybe it's full on cheating. Maybe it's nothing, but that guy suddenly has an ego, and so now he's going to try and, like, come in and try and wear the pants in that relationship. No, you may have one show, but Candy's had a whole career, okay? You don't get that in one month. So, back the fuck down, and be glad that you have a prenup, and work for your own little empire so when Candy finally smarts up and dumps your ass, you can have your own money to lip off of us. Yeah, exactly. Okay, Todd, run along now, little man. Run along. Uh-huh. I don't like seeing Candy being treated like that. I do not like that. Candy's nice. Right, I agree. I love Candy, and I think that, uh, she should be, she should be bowed down to, like the angel and princess that she is, the queen that she is, and if Todd doesn't, and shame on Todd for giving Mama Joyce any credibility. Yeah, now Mama Joyce looks like at least she's paying attention. Yeah, exactly. I mean, Mama Joyce, Mama Joyce is crazy the way she, she intercedes, and she's crazy and all sorts of things, but she might be right about Todd at least, which is really awful. Yeah. Um, he's awful. Yeah, Todd's worse. Okay, so what else happened on there? So because everybody to Boca de Pepa or wherever. Yeah, they go to a Mexican restaurant because she's gathering everyone together to pitch the idea of everyone going to counseling, which is silly because they're all going to go to counseling anyway. And, uh, also she's wondering why no one trusts it. Don't you remember the last time you got a sex therapist or something and made everybody wear their pajamas. There was like gay, and candy almost killed a bitch. Yeah, and that basketball player, like, almost fucking popped a vein. That shit was so good. That was great. Yeah, that, um, that was so good. So, but to be fair to Nini, she gets, she is being sweet, fake, but sweet. She's saying, like, well, I want to get everyone together and a bit of it. No, she's doing that because she was sitting home and Greg was like, baby, how come you're not filming anything this week as a toilet cup. And she's like, no one will film with me anymore. Maybe I should change that before I lose my job. Like I said, she was being fake. Fake as hell. But at least, I mean, she was being nice at the moment. And she was saying, like, we always talk about being grown women. And there have been many times when you all have not been grown women. And I haven't been a grown woman, admittedly not a great way to phrase that. But then Cynthia starts barking. And I have to say, Cynthia was so annoying during that scene. She's like, well, all right, my normal, you're saying it, but I'm like, Cynthia, just shut up. Cynthia, she's like, well, I'm not, I'm nobody's sidekick. I'm going to fight. I don't care what anybody says. I'm going to fight. And you could be like, oh, you know, I bought a new car. I really like Priuses. And she'd be like, battery, you know, the battery's going to die in five years. I'm not going to stand by why you drive that battery that's going to die in five years. Because she wouldn't even say, she wouldn't even say that. She would say, if you say, I'm going to buy a Prius, she'd be like, you know, you never liked Prius before. Now you like Priuses? I'm just saying, I always like Priuses, but you didn't like Priuses. Now you want to be a Prius fine? That's fine. Go whatever car you want. It's not open to my back. You know, that's the sort of shit you would pull. Yeah. But anyway, so they're all going to go counseling. What was funny to me was actually earlier in the episode when Peter had this award show out of nowhere, this like, it was like the award for excellence and excellence. I loved it. Cynthia's like, just a lot of things. You don't know about Peter Thomas. You know, Peter didn't just have 19 failed restaurants. Peter also was a movie, a music producer. He was up there. He's like, I would like to present the excellence in awards for excellence. Yeah. First of all, to me, for marrying a Wells Fargo checkered, it never ends. I won. Thank you, because I'm taking his fucking red plastic flip cup. I put this on my fire. Fire, please. Thank you. I wanted depressing awards ceremony that was there were like 10 people there. Do you see all the empty tables that they did not obviously sell seats for? It was really sad. You know, right in line with a bar one production. He's like, a lot of people didn't come here, but it's because I forgot to put on the invitation that Martin Luther King was dead in that building over there. It was classic Peter production. It was, it was just, and then they like gave a surprise award to Candy Burris. I mean, just like, it was just, it was just so Poe Dunk. A surprise award, like whoever showed up, like, well, candies, you know, candies worked. Yeah. All right, just go scratch your name into it. Scratch your name. Yeah. He's writing in paper clips and then glue it to it. Yeah, he's like, I know there's a, there's an image of a little leaguer on there, but this is actually, no, this is a real award just for you. It's a trophy just for you, even though it looks like it's for the league. It's like a bowling trophy or something. So the other thing was that Cynthia and Fadra had us sit down. Listen, Fadra to me is the queen because she is so obviously involved in whatever the hell happened with Apollo. I don't think there's any way that it's a coincidence that Apollo starts mouthing off to her on national TV and disrespecting her and talking about dropping $5,000 at a time at a strip club. And suddenly he's going to jail. Like, to me, Fadra, just don't fuck with Fadra. I don't know why anybody would fuck with Fadra. She will fuck you up. She will fuck you up. You'll be in jail. Yeah. And Cynthia, she just does not know how to confront someone. She is just in over her head and confronting on behalf of Kenya. It's just a fool's errand or whatever that turns. And why would you invite somebody to lunch to say, "Now, look, I know we had some words and I just didn't want you to feel like when I brought 10 women together and accused you of having an affair on national TV, which would have given your husband ammunition to possibly break the preen up and get some of your money, that that was personal. I don't want you to take that personal. Of course it was fucking personal. You stupid twat. What the hell else were you doing it for? You were doing it because it was personal. You were trying to embarrass her on purpose. You've been talking about it in every scene you're in. Who are you kidding? I know. Like, who are you kidding? Of course it was personal. Of course it was on purpose. And I love that Fadra's just like, "Bye." She just got up and sauntered right on that, grabbed a mint from the bowl on her way out. All right. Good for Fadra. Pack up my awesome blossom and take it home, Fadra. Pack up my awesome blossom. Pack up my awesome blossom. I got a box full of chocolate at home. The awesome blossom, coincidentally, is also Nini's next-weight weave. Just have it upside down on top of her head. He's like, "It's good to see my weave up in light." But man, that spicy aioli can get into your eyes on a hot sunny day. Really itches. I like, by the way, in the previews for next week, I assume that Nini's wearing some wig for Cinderella, but there's no explanation, and she looks like the bride of Frankenstein. It really doesn't look that far off from her other wigs. By the way, this show is starting to catch up to when it started to air, because they were talking about Ebola in the US. They were starting to talk about the Ebola patient, and that was late September, and this show premiered in November. So I wonder if the taping is going to overlap with when the show is actually airing, because that'll get really interesting. Oh my God. Yeah. Once they filmed the reunion, Beverly Hills, I think they filmed it after they were done shooting, I guess. Oh, so did you hear the gossip about Beverly Hills? There's a couple of things. One is that this rumor, they had to film the reunion early because of Yolanda's Lyme disease or something. Exactly. And that there was a big fight between Kim and Lisa about this secret, and supposedly Bravo producers made Kim lie and say that she didn't know anything, and she was just lying. Oh, I didn't hear that. That's interesting. And then, what was the Harry stuff? I want to know. And what was the other Beverly Hills gossip? I don't remember, but it's going to be good. Yeah, maybe it has to do with some of the LA law. Maybe it's something with Susan Day. Susan Day. And Blair Underwood. Maybe the three of them had an orgy. I still want to know what Blair Underwood's age results are. I keep seeing that mobile AIDS test truck with Blair Underwood's beautiful face on it. He's like, "Come inside and get tested for HIV." But, you know, now I always think of every time I think of HIV, it's like you're the face of HIV. Now, congrats. Congrats. It's like Blair Underwood's face, and then really big right next to his face. It says HIV positive. That's great. Good move. Good move, Blair. Yeah. Now that there's anything wrong with it. No, no, of course not. Not to contribute to the stigma. No, no. It's not that. It's just like, you know when Joey on Friends got a print ad, and then he found out it was for herpes. And then he's on my billboards all over the city with herpes. You know, I mean, come on. Part of its marketing, right? Yeah. Well, Blair Underwood is very, very sexy, and he can be on any billboard he wants to be. I also find him to be very sexy. Yeah. He's like, "Don't get HIV. Stay home and masturbate to this image of me." I know. On my blog, when I first joined Twitter, I was very interested in having a celebrity follower. I was like, "I really wanted a celebrity follower." I mean, as if I'm like not doing that now, of course. But like, I decided that Blair Underwood, I was like, "I want him to follow me." So I launched a campaign on my blog, and I was like, I did like a list of all of the reasons why Blair Underwood is wonderful. I was like, "Really tiny cupcakes that Blair Underwood would really like." I know. And then he followed me, and I was very happy. But he, I think I tweeted him once or twice. He never responded. So, it's fine. He's very busy. He's a busy man. He is very busy. He's in the back of a truck that goes block to block testing, you know, testing kids for HIV. Being handsome takes time. It's like love. Love takes time. It takes a lot of sleep. Penelope Cruz sleeps 18 hours a day or something. Yeah. You're like, "Why are you so beautiful?" And she's like, "Because I don't ever wake up. I only wake up to do the movie and to do the interview, and then I go to sleep." I am asleep right now. I'm doing this interview from my mid. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. It is a loose injury. That's how Vanilla Sky opens. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Oh, Penelope Cruz. This isn't working out. This movie is already not working out. All right. Well, I think that we made it from every Bravo show on TV to Vanilla Sky to apps on the iPhone that are useless. Yeah, we really really feel that. I think it's time to drop the mic. I think so. I feel good about that. So, the way we wrap this up is that we tell everyone, "Thank you for listening." And we remind everyone that you can follow us on our social media channels by going to watchworkcrapins.com. You see links to everything. And if you want to support this podcast and help it grow and maybe even go to a second full-time episode, you go to patreon.com/watchmorecrapins. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N. And if you donate, you will also get access to our bonus episodes. We had a really fun one today. And another fun thing for Google Hangout and Ringtone, it's set to rock. And I think that's pretty much it. Follow us on Facebook, too, because with the fun Facebook, Facebook.com/watchmorecrapins. And thank you everyone for listening. Thank you, everybody. Bye! Dropbox are my thing. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called "Wait For It." It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schlesinger, Slicing Dragon friends with her for ten years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down Internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomity. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. To the insurance company that did me wrong, I've moved on and I'm happily insured with another. Bless your peep, thicken heart. It was just never meant to be betwixt us. You gave me automobile insurance apprehension. 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