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So go to Fylo.tv and check it out for a free seven-day trial. - That's P-H-I-L-O dot TV to start watching. - Reconnecting with people in your life is so important and sending a holiday card is a meaningful way to do that, but it can be hard to know where to start. Shutterfly makes it so easy to share a custom card that's perfectly you. - Shutterfly has a style for everyone. Find a card that reflects your vibe. - No professional photos, no worries. Shutterfly multi-photo designs are great for candid photos. Travel photos or even school photos. I love the Shutterfly card feature because I'm so lazy about going to a store and getting a card for people. And so this way I can just be on my phone. I can take a photo. I can upload it to Shutterfly. I can make the card right there and send it off without having to leave my home or wherever I am. - I've been making really funny ones. I mean, I'm the new Maxine. Find the perfect holiday card for you at Shutterfly.com and start customizing today. - Enjoy 40% off your Shutterfly order with promo code Crap and Sporty and send something meaningful this year. Get free shipping on qualified orders. See site for more details. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Hey everyone. Welcome to Watch What Crap Inz. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just all love to watch. Sort of sad, isn't it? But in the best way, I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast. Give it a listen, won't you? Joining me as always is the wonderful and talented and just super, super, super funny. Ronnie Karam, hi Ronnie. - Well, hello everybody. Thanks for that lovely introduction. - Well, you are super, super funny. Every time I listen back to podcasts, it's like, why am I talking so much? Why is Ronnie so funny? And they just hear me-- - Don't listen to the podcast, Ben. - I know, all I do is monologue. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm trying to be more saucy. - Oh, you stop it. We're on episode 195 or something. You're doing great, all right? - Oh, am I, am I though? - You think they wouldn't have told you otherwise? - I know, that's true. - It would have been like, fuck you, you're down to see a word. - I know, it's Twitter. You know how that goes. - So, anyway, you can find us on social media all over the place. And if you go to watchbookcrapins.com, you can see the links to all our social media. We're not gonna bore you with all those links right here. But needless to say, if you wanna follow us on Twitter and Vine and Instagram, or who knows where else, the links are all there. What we will bore you with is information about how you can support our podcast, and if you go to patreon.com/watchbookcrapins, that's patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com. And if you go there and if you donate, you get all sorts of cool goodies. Like, you can get access to like our bonus content every week. Every week we do more sort of like chitchat. Bonus content, we have ringtones, we do a hangout. We did a hangout last week that was really fun. We did shots of whiskey on it, I believe Ronnie. - That was really fun. - Yeah, then we went to a gay bar afterwards. Well, that was just me and Ronnie, it wasn't everyone else. - So, stuff place was disgusting. - It was disgusting. - It was disgusting. - It was disgusting, it was disgusting. But anyway, so obviously the show, the main show will always remain free. But we have like a lot of donors now, and it's really great, and we have like, I think we have about 500 donors. We are closing in on $800 per episode, and once we get to a thousand, we're gonna do two free normal episodes per week, which is really exciting. So, I think that's all-- - Do it everybody, let's do it. - And then of course, last but not least, and then we'll get to Bravo, our Facebook page, Facebook.com/WatchForCrapins, which is, you should like it, 'cause it's really awesome. It really is. - Yeah, super fun times. We'll be reading from there all throughout the show, because there were only two shows that we watched this week. So, we're light on Crapins material. - But that never stops us from talking ad nauseam about who knows what. It's always the episodes of Crapins when we have fewer shows to talk about that we go the longest. - I don't know why. - Yeah, and there was a lot to talk about this week. - There certainly was. Where do you wanna start, Ronnie? - Well, I don't care, you pick. - Do I get to pick? - Let's start with Bev's. - Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, yeah, I like that. You pick, let's start with Bev's. (laughing) You're insincere. - Because I read this article by this fat girl who lost a lot of weight, and it was talking about how fat people are always apologizing for everything, and how we need to stop doing that, because it's not our fault just because we're fat. And like, I'll go and line it. - Ronnie, all right, well, this is a new record. We're three minutes into the episode, and Ronnie has already disappeared. Are you back, Ronnie? - Yes, my fat girl story broke your Skype. - Yeah, okay. - My point was I'm not apologizing. I will go first, because just because I'm a fat girl doesn't mean I can't take the initiative when it's offered. - There you go, there you go. - Wow, I'm a proud, fat woman. - You know, I love starting to podcast off on such a extreme note of optimism and empowerment. - Help it every size, motherfuckers. - Egg salad for everyone. - Yes, man, you better put some mayonnaise in my lunch. - Free tickets to cafes, cafe. You got a cafes, you get some eggs out, and then you say, I'm going first. - Um, so-- - So Beverly Hills was super entertaining this week. - Beverly Hills was pretty effing hysterical. - Yeah. - I'm pulling up our watch with craft and thread so I can crib lines from our listeners. - Yeah, well, let's see. So the pretty much the first 25 minutes was this kind of ridiculous conceit where they were doing a scavenger hunt which played kind of like the amazing race except it's like the kind of like average, pretty east race. - The average walk. - Yeah, the average-- - The average power walk. - The average trot. (both laughing) The average cantor, it was like-- - Ooh. - But what do they call it? What is the real company name? It's like Fantastic Race. - Yeah, it was called, yeah, it was like the fantastic race. Someone made a joke on our Facebook page last week that they thought it was at first a, something like white supremacist. But then, oh my god. - Yeah, let us sink in, let us-- - You're long, just like, come to my party. It's called Disappeary of Race. And it is where we tell Mexicans to learn English. - You know, that's what's not to do. - And make black people stop selling little mermaid towels on my property. (both laughing) - Blanca, please tell your friend to stop selling little mermaid towels on my property. Oh, he's not my friend. No, Blanca, he's your friend, I know. - I know you see him on the bus, tell him. - Blanca, please tell your cousin to please stop selling Aladdin posters on my property. He's not my cousin, he's not my cousin. No, no, no, please black, no, no, your cousin. - It is summer, please stop selling frozen property when I'm trying to sell my house. (both laughing) - Blanca, please tell your friend to stop selling the emperor's last, whatever. What was that, the emperor's last? Blanca, I don't even know what-- - It is not Groove. - The emperor's last Groove. How's the Eligato emperor back? Blanca, I don't know these shows you have, but you're selling them on towels on my property. - Oh, I love that their whole plan for the scavenger hunt, these queens are like-- - Everybody all have fun on the scavenger hunt, just make it about candy and ice cream. Everybody loves candy and ice cream. - And by the way, I would have had a great time. - Please. - It was like a candy store to an ice cream store to a restaurant. - I know, they went to three locations all on the same block. They didn't even know where Burden Way was. They're like, where's Burden Way? Where's, what's Bigg, the Santa Monica? - That was pretty sad. They all have drivers or they live in the valley. Kim. - Yeah, exactly. Well, Kim didn't even know, Kim thought she was in Oz. She's like, I don't know, she had a yellow brick road. Kim's like, if I stop speed walking, everything is going to crash and all the people are going to die out of the bus. - She's like, I have a bad news. So yeah, leave me behind, don't worry. I'll be with you. - Yeah, I'm about to win an Oscar for a movie about a lady addicted to heroin who walks it off on Burden Way. (laughs) Stop that wreath with her spoons. - Hey, me and Melinda Fo just going to stay back here and then the Vietnamese are going to shoot us. It's like, hey, we're getting out of the helicopter, please, thanks. (laughing) - Hey, I'm just, the Schindler's list is happening to me. I can't go far, you go save-- - Hey, does everybody see that ran around? - It's like Schindler's live. - Hey, this is my Oscar Raptors. I'll stay back at the track and you go to the ice cream store and get safety. - Hey, where are them cancer pills? It's like that Liam, Mason movie I did called Take Him. (laughing) - I'm taking them. - Hey, like out for wolves, 'cause we crash and Liam, Neeson's around him. He's going to learn wolves are coming after us. I'm going to stay back here. (laughing) Cam, Cam, Cam, the whole way. - My knees hurt, my feet hurt. I can't deal with fun. Recovering from blocky idle cantonosis of the liver. - I had a hernia in my knee, can't walk. - I have an eye aids cancer with a cold, you know? I need to sit down. - Yeah, I was auditioning for the Doc Hollywood sequel and I hurt my knees, I can't go fast. - Doc Hollywood. - Yeah, Kim was, this was really Kim's episode because she really went cuckoo-cray-cray. I mean, not that she hasn't before, but, you know, part of the fun of Kim was that she's like this funny, kind of crazy. And then we find out, oh, she's funny and crazy 'cause she's wasted. And then she sobers up and so we'd never see her, but she's still like dusting pictures off with her maid alone in her house being sad and making chicken salad with her hand. And then the next year was her, we just never saw her because she was insisting she was sober and obviously wasn't and was never on screen. And then she was putting like wardrobe by the pool for whatever reason. And then this year she is back in front of the cameras and it's not working out for her 'cause now she is possibly more sober than she's ever been and she's awful. - Yeah, well, no, and she's also under brand-use influence which is a key factor here. You know, I thought-- - And also not sober, let's face it. - Kim was so awful during that scavenger hunt. Like I felt bad for Eileen 'cause I would have been Eileen. I would have been like the one quietly, extremely competitive, trying to win this thing, but also, like I don't wanna be a bitch to Kim. I want us all to be, you know, whatever. But you can see that Eileen was infuriated. She was like, she wanna be like, hurry the fuck up, shut up about your knee. We're going three blocks. We're just going to an ice cream store, just get over it. - Yeah. - That's me everyone. So look forward to-- - Well, you know, the producers, the sports teams-- - The sports teams were, they'll hate each other, which I mean, I get why they do that 'cause it's a housewives show and you wanna see everybody trip each other and be awful to each other. But no, that's actually not what's most fun about it. Especially this show. This show's kind of most fun when they're just being ridiculous and laughing. Like my favorite scene of this show of all time was when Lisa went to the DMV with Cedric. - Really? - That was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen because Lisa really has never, you can just tell she's never done it and the DMV really is fucking scary here. It is not cute. It is scary and she just, she really looked disgusted and terrified the whole time but was trying to be classy and nice but she couldn't. And that was, you know, I like stuff like that. I think that's what's really funny. I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't know. I like drunk-ass Taylor crawling out of a suitcase and then secretly accusing her husband of abuse until he kills himself when he finds out that she's been doing that. I mean, I like all that too, but-- - I don't know, I think that this show excels when it comes to fighting. When these women fight, when they actually fight, it's usually serious 'cause these women are just sad enough to kind of keep it together. I mean, that's why Carlton and Joyce were so bad last season because they instigated fights that felt like they were for TV. But when these women fight, they generally are like, they're fighting because they are pissed off with the exception of Brandy who will fight with a stick, you know? But like everyone else, like when Kyle starts screaming, she's usually been pushed to a point, you know? And same with anyone else. And there's usually some deeper thing going on that pushes them there. Like I mean, next week we're gonna see Lisa Rinna throw a glass of water at Kim, thank God. - And then lunge at her like she's gonna beat the shit out of her, I cannot wait for that. - Yeah. - And Kim is ready, Kim's ready to fist fight. Like she is not scared. I was just really watching the clip on brothertv.com. - Yeah. - Kim's going there, like she showed, I thought I assumed that Kim was going on about Harry's sobriety because Harry apparently we found out last night just got sober three years ago, which is interesting because Rinna is always talking about his brothers being drunks and this and that, but she has not mentioned that he had a problem. So I guess we learned that one last night. And so I thought Kim was gonna be bringing that up. - That's why I thought too. - I read on the good old internet that she is bringing up that there's rumors that Harry's been cheating. - Oh. - On Lisa, and that's why she goes Asian. - By the way, and if Kim brings that up, if that's true, it just goes to show the influence of Brandi because that's a brandy move right there. - Totally. - You know, and probably Kim thinks it's like normal to approach something like that. It's not. - Yeah, right around mine is saying, Kim Richards accuses Harry Hamlin of cheating longer. - No, no, Kim Richards. Kim Richards, you are high as a kite. Get off the TV with that. It's my big insult of the day. Get off the TV with that. - Maybe he was, maybe she doesn't care. I mean, there's so many different things that could happen in a couple that other people don't really understand. But, you know, my thing with Kim is, Kim, you've been married three times. None of them have worked. You're stealing cancer pills from one of them as he's laying dying in your house. - Yeah. - You have no friends. - Yeah. - You have no love life. You're a drunk and a drug addict and your career is over. - Why don't you keep those stones in your purse so you can chop them up later with a credit card and snort them down, bitch. - Yeah. - Shut up. - Yeah. - Don't throw them. - Don't throw stones when you live in a stone addiction, okay, in a rocket addiction. - In a stone. - Don't throw stones when you live in a addiction. - Don't throw cock out when you live in a cracked house. - Don't throw stones when your bathroom is glass and the mirror needs dusting. - Don't throw cock when you live in a crystal, a cracked house. - Okay. - Don't throw cock when you live in a crack house. - All right. - Darling, don't throw glass stones in a stone house. - Don't throw cock in a leaky bathtub. - Darling, stop flogging around that glass frisbee. Stop flirting it in the stone house. - Hey, don't throw glass houses when you live in a crack house. - Hey, I'm trying out for the A's and I'm gonna be a pitcher so I'm throwing these sheets of the glass at the wall to see how hard they can break. - Don't throw glass in a stone restaurant. I've got this episode that's gonna be so fast. - Darling, darling. - This is where our brains are. - Darling, stop throwing glass pizza boxes at the stone wall when you live in a glass pizza parlor. Darling, Chef Penny made a glass pizza for you. Don't throw it. - Glass pizza. - It's in a piece of stone pepperoni. It's an ornamental piece. - You can put it on a table. - Cam Richards. - Okay, so-- - All right, let's back to the scavenger hunt. So, by the way, on the hunt, we also had Camille Grammar, who was there quietly, and then some woman named Lynn. I don't know who Lynn was or where she came from, but she was there. - She can't be ringedee-drammy-more or whatever that chicks and Dee Dee, or whatever that lady's name was. God bless her heart. When she cried yelling at people at that party after she got a dye job, she's like, "I've come to my hair today, and I'm gonna be a house lad." Yeah, you listen to me, Taylor, or whatever. It's like, "Oh, no, back down Dee Dee now." Camille's like, "Oh, I'm not doing anything today, Dee Dee." Just do the ironing. I'll be right back. And then, meanwhile, she's been on the show. - Isn't it weird that Yolanda doesn't seem to have any friends? Like, everyone else has like a friend like-- - She's awful. Who would wanna fucking be friends with Yol-- Could you imagine being friends with Yolanda? She'd be calling you like, "Hey, how are you doing? Good, how's it going with you?" - Not good. - I have the iron disease. - I've been out of the bed today and my eyes hurt, and I'm so fatigued. I'm so tired. - Okay, well, great talking to Yolanda. - Do you think David is cheating? - No. - Did you buy the baby face album? - No. - You're a terrible friend. - Do you want to go see Anwar play soccer? - No. - Do you know who Anwar is? - No. - Me neither. - I don't know who-- - Do you know? - The Lyme disease. I don't know if Anwar's my real son or just a Lyme disease hallucination, but I love him no matter what. I love my hallucination like my own son. - The tick that bit me got so strong from my blood that he grew into Anwar. - And I am so proud of him now. I'm so proud of that tick because he has my blood, you know? My tick is very entrepreneurial. He goes down to the side of the property and sells blankets based off of Hercules. The animated feature, not the new one. - My tick is selling nightlights from the Lego movie and my properties. - My tick is selling coasters which have pictures from Oliver and company. - It's a great animated feature from 1988 featuring the voice of Richard Mulligan, who's a great friend of mine. (laughing) - My tick is selling slippers that are themed after the great mouse detective. - Oh. (laughing) - If you wear them, you look like Basel, the detective. He was a great, great detective. - I used to grow Basel but it was overcoming the lemons and there's only so much you could do with Basel. - I would always tell Anwar, Anwar, go crop the, go harvest the Basel for me. It's getting in the way of the lemons but he got confused and went to soccer instead. (laughing) - Good. - So, what were you saying about stupid Yolanda? Oh, Yolanda doesn't have any friends. - Yeah, that's what- - Yolanda doesn't have any friends because what does she do, really? Like, what are her interests? We've seen that she likes to horseback ride, do yoga. - And make chose. - Buy around in her bed and take selfies of herself in hospital gowns without makeup. - And make chose about how much she loves David. - Every episode. - I would like to make a speech, my love. Thank you for everything you do for me and all of the poor children. Let me tell you, when I was walking to my limo today, I was thinking, "How can David help the poor?" I mean, whoa. - Well, the person's like, "Lady, I just want to know, "do you want a big mac or fries?" She's like, "No, before I answer your question, "I just want to make another toast to David." Who, he never eats a big mac and said he just gives food to the poor and I'm just so happy for him. - I wish Yolanda could have done Patricia Arquette's Oscar speech. She would have been like, "Hi everybody, this movie, Boyhood, "took me 18 years to film because I have Lyme disease "and I would like to thank David "for standing by me so much on this movie on this film "and I would like to say that we birthed all the black people "and all of the white people and all of the gay people "and we have fought for your rights, but you know what? "I'm just trying to figure out how to use an iPad "and women don't need equal pay anyway "because we've had such rich babies." Okay, so thank you everybody. - I want you all to know that Boyhood is about my son and why and I'm so happy for this movie because for 12 years I didn't even know he existed so I just go look at the movie and I see everything I need to know because I've been watching the TV movie. - And my family called what Mohammed's butler took of my son so I would know who he was in 18 years. - Yeah, the entire thing was filmed on an iPhone by the butler. Unfortunately I only taught him how to use it sideways so you have to crack your neck when you watch it. - Yes, it's a vertical movie just like Anwar. He's very tall just like the movie. I thought it was right way up but it is because I'm laying down at the hospital all the time. - I kept on telling him to film it sideways, sideways but he did it vertically because he doesn't speak English. I was like, you have to learn English if you want to know how to direct a good movie in Hollywood. (laughs) - Oh, your land. (laughs) - Women don't need equal pay because we have gotten equal pay for our children who will support us when we are old. Women need equal apartments as in every woman gets an apartment in New York City and then you become independent. Every woman can move into Gigi's own apartments. (laughs) - I am so proud of my love for creating apartments that my daughters can become super models in and then move out and then less attractive women can move into. - That's a big bit. (laughs) - Oh, we're both crazy. - I know we are crazy. - I'm not only like one here, we... - We've only gotten, by the way, we've only gotten like two minutes into real houses from the hills. - We keep on going back to scavenger hunt. And we got derailed by Lynn. - A friend. Oh yeah, Lynn the friend. - Camille, poor Camille. Do you remember when Camille was entertaining for like five minutes on the show when she got mad at Kyle? - She's always entertaining to me. Camille was pissed. - I guess it was fun watching her drive around her. Her ex-husband's house on a golf cart with her friend, friend, Floyd. I remember her friend, Hagrid, who'd be like... (laughs) - Camille! - I'm like, "Hey, Hagrid, I'm getting what dress "did I wear in Hagrid." It's like, "You look pretty in the hall of Uncle Camille." - I love that you call her Hagrid. - It's like, "Thank you for being so big." - You're welcome, Camille. Anything I can do to make you look smaller. - Oh God, those were the days. That's why I started thinking about Yolanda, because it's like Camille had two friends. Kyle has Faye Resnick, amongst others. Kim has, you know, Kim's... - I almost got a whole pack of awful people as her friends. Her best friends are Faye Resnick and the Kardashian mom. I mean, that's pretty bad. (laughs) - She does. And then, like, Lisa Vanderpump has... - Everyone in that group made a lot of money when O.J. Simpson decapitated his wife. - Yeah. - Allegedly. - Yeah, they all did. They all, they all... - What a bunch of fun women. - Lisa Rinna, well, we haven't seen Lisa Rinna's friends, really, but like, she's new, and you know that she has friends, 'cause she's famous. She has an age... - Yeah, that's why she's on this show. She's friends with every producer and PA on reality television, and that's how she keeps getting on shows. - Yeah. Yeah, she was on "Slubby Apprentice," right? She was on it twice, I think. - I like Lisa Rinna. I really, I really like her, and I normally don't like people like Lisa Rinna, who are like always fake positive. - Yeah, I love her. - And just like trying to like, fake their positivity, but you know, she's really dedicated to that kind of a lifestyle. She's like, earned that little red string around her finger, because I've just downloaded a book about thinking positive, and I cannot even get through the first three pages of it, 'cause it's just, I mean, this is what it says. Just think, when you're thinking negatively, think positively, and then once you keep doing that, then you'll be a positive, I'm like, why does this need to be a thousand pages? If I could fucking think positively, I wouldn't be such a negative cunt in the first place. You stupid book. I'm trying to find out what kind of drugs to take. (laughing) - You should just be taking lemon juice, I think you should know that for now. Lemon juice and it's-- - I have plenty of lemon juice, Ben. You know what you should, you know what you need? You need to have some lemon juice with some cilantro, and that saves everything. - Oh my God, that's my mother's catchphrase. You know that, right? - You know what you need? - Oh my God, I'm cold. She'll be like, you know what you need? A jacket that's not skin-tied on you, because if it's so skin-tied, like most of your clothes, then your skin just lets the heat out of the cotton, because it thinks it's part of your skin. You need to give it room to build up the heat. I mean, just either buy clothes that are the same, a little bit bigger, or stop gaining weight. That's why you're cold. Okay, well, what? Or you could turn down your air conditioning. - Right. You could do that too. - My guest is depressing me, I quit. - Well anyway, so let's go back to the, so we're on the scavenger hunt. So they have to go first to, they have to like go to a milkshake shop, which sounds delicious. I was like, sign me up for this. - Oh, I've been there, that's the ice cream store where they make ice cream and with the antifreeze. My friend Brian, my neighbor Brian. - Oh, you know what? - We have so much fun, you guys. - Those places are fun, but I have to say, I think ice cream that's made with, not antifreeze, but liquid nitrogen. - Oh yeah. (laughs) - Yeah, of course you have fun. You're like, we're like, hi. Like it's made with like, white hat, and all you do is you sniff the ice cream. (laughs) - Hey, they have this goof off milkshake, it's delicious. - Richard is like, "Thank me that I anti for an ice cream." - I got rid of a gum that was been in my stomach since the fifth grade. - The right I got scraped off my abdomen. - And Richard's like, "Hey, have you had the egg milkshakes "and avalveling, it tastes wonderful." - Hey guys, can I have light rain for previous flavor milkshakes? (laughs) - Hey guys, I had a milkshake at Staples, it was wonderful, it was basically ink toner and ice cream, it was great. - It staples. - It was one of those primants, it wasn't inkjet though, so you had to put the collard powder on your tongue and wait for it to melt. - I had a pixie stick from office mix and basically all I did was take one of those like little packets and make sure that things don't get wet and you put it on your tongue, it was great. - Mm. (laughs) - That was solid cat or something, I don't know, it tasted wonderful. They said like, strawberry and moonlight. - So, I made King clean to a shake. (laughs) It wouldn't be hay. (laughs) When he was coming out, he bit me. My butt hurts, give me a cancer pill. - I put my chicken salad into my Vitamix and made a shake out of that, and I added a battery too. (laughs) Wait, so, they were on this thing, Kim is like, claims to be hobbling, she wasn't actually, her knee wasn't even hurting. She was just afraid that her knee would start to hurt. That was her thing. - Like my T.P. - My T.P. hurts. (laughs) - Gotta her knee on the elbow, it's gonna affect my knee. So, it's first, it's-- - Sepulus explosion in my knee. (laughs) - I didn't stay down, put on your heart, hadn't saved the glasses. Sepulus explosion gonna happen. - One, two, one. - Sepulus. (laughs) Sepulus explosion. I just imagine Kim seeing those billboards and just getting, like, ducking and covering. She pulls over. - Why didn't my agent tell me about that? - Moving. - Wow. - I never auditioned for Sepulus explosion. - I have a puppet, so I'm ready to audition for Sepulus explosion. - I'm gonna mention Sepulus explosion every week and in every recap until it gets out of my head because I don't think it's ever gonna get out of my head. Google imaging Sepulus was the most horrifying thing I've ever done. - Yeah, don't do that. - Don't ever-- - If there is a God, what kind of God would make a disease where fucking makes your nose fall off? - I mean, come on. (laughs) Nose is off, eyes out. I mean, what? Okay, so they were on the scavenger hunt and they almost wound a lot. - So, okay, so Eileen's team was in the lead, that was with Kim, and I forget who was the other one on Eileen's team? Was it Camille? I think it may have been Camille. - It was Eileen's friend with a really sweaty butt crack. - Lynn? - Was it Lynn? - She's like, here's my friend. She's a makeup person on Days of Our Lives who's butt drowns in its own butt sweat. And you know that Lynn has never seen her butt sweating like that and was horrified 'cause you know she works out, she's got a cute little butt and everything. And then she has to find out on Bravo that her butt sweats because none of her friends were ever cool enough to be like, honey, you're butt sweating. Here's a paper towel. I want Lynn. I want Lynn to be on every episode. So then meanwhile, Yolanda's team with Lisa, it's like Yolanda and Lisa and both Lisa's. They're like in last place, so they went up at the milkshake shop and they're like, okay, what milkshake should we get in? And Lisa Vanderpump's like, chocolate, we'll get chocolate milkshake, or Lisa Vanderpump said that. And Yolanda's like, well, I don't like chocolate. And so then they're like, okay, we'll have a vanilla milkshake. And then it was just like Yolanda being like, well, you know, I said, I said, I don't like chocolate. So now you have to drink the chocolate milkshake and you have to believe with the fact that I don't like it. And that's not on you guys now. I'm like, Yolanda, shut up, shut up about the milkshake. - No, here's okay, Yolanda. They don't have lemon flavored milkshakes. - Yeah. (laughs) I would like to, the reason why they probably came in third place is because before they drank the milkshakes is probably like, before we drink this, I just want to make a toast to David who I love so much. And every time I drink a milkshake, I think of the milky love that he gives me. Which I'm sorry, I was actually not even intending that as a semen joke. - Just like swallowing things I don't like is part of my life ever since I had to get a real job by marrying rich men. - But I would like to say thank you to David because even if it was you who gave me lime disease through your limey stuff, I still thank you for taking care of me and supporting my maid. Thank you, David. I sit. - And I want to just say rest in peace to my dear Anwa. I'm always like, I'm right here, mom. I'm on the race. Who are you? - I have another milkshake, please. Thank you. - It's like, hold on, baby face. I take back the money I gave you to write said song about Anwa. - Baby face is like, damn it. - Said song. - Another job. - Said song about Anwa. - Baby face. - Baby face has wrote a sad song about Anwa dang. Sing it, baby face. It means like, (speaking in foreign language) No, the other one, baby face. - Oh, have you been face? Sing the funeral dirge about Anwa now, please. Thank you. ♪ My mom left me alone in a room ♪ ♪ And for God ♪ - Baby face. - Sadder. Sadder, baby face. This is for Anwa, not just for some person. It's Anwa. ♪ She wouldn't let me chew when all men ♪ ♪ I shot my aunt dear ♪ ♪ And then a chick flew off and bit me in the eye ♪ ♪ And I got lied ♪ (laughing) ♪ And I lied ♪ - So one of the highlights of this race was that at one point, dream team number three, which was the Yolanda's team. They were so far behind that they just, they hopped on a sightseeing bus to get them to their next destination. And watching the tourists freak out was amazing. And I'm not even saying that from a condescending way because if I were on that bus and like a celebrity jumped on, I would be like having the best time too. - Yeah, you love that. I usually, when I see famous people, I give them dirty looks and like hate them with my soul. I'm like, I don't care about you. I don't even care that you're at the Starbucks, okay? Well, I mean, it's one thing to see them in person, but it's one, if someone like hops onto your tour bus, like, yeah, hell yeah. - Well, I think I told this, I must have told this on the podcast. One time I went to the grove and I walked in and every, I heard all this screaming and there was a procession of women following Adrian Maloof now I think Cobblestone Street screaming, "We love you, Avian!" - And she was waving like she was on a float to everybody. I was like, wow. - I'm not down with that. I am not down with that. But I think like if it's more like if the celebrity comes into your sort of like personal space, if that makes sense. I know that like a tour bus is not personal space per se, but like if a celebrity like hopped into my car or a celebrity did this or that, it's like, oh my God, that's so cool. - Some celebrities they get excited. One time, I think I've probably told you this too, but one time I saw Patricia Arquette at the grove too, speaking of the devil and I was coming out of anthropology because I love looking at their like jewels, doorknobs. I don't know why I'm obsessed with that. - But I always do. - And while I want to get to a new door, so that's where I, that's where I know it's yours. - I got an emerald green doorknob like from the Wizard of Oz, okay. - Yeah. - I got to a doorknob that looks like a lemon, but it's in cross of a jewel. This way I know what bedroom is yours 'cause I never know where you are. (laughing) - But that was the time that Medium was on TV, which is my favorite show. Never missed an episode of "The Molly Ringworld One" - Produced by Kelsey Grammer. - Produced by Kelsey Grammer. - And I get produced by Camille and Kelsey. It's all a real housewives show today. And I was walking out of anthropology and saw her and she's just looking around. And as I passed her, I said, oh, I love you so much. It's so good to see you. I love you. And she just gave me the dirtiest look because that's really rude, you know? She's just trying to have a normal day. You know, she doesn't need some queen coming up to her being like, I love you, but I do love her. And then I was like, fuck her for giving me a dirty look. But now I realize that she was like, that guy probably makes more money than me 'cause he's a man and so I forgive her. - Yeah, yeah, she's, you know what? I love Patricia Arquette. She couldn't be as mean to me as she wants. Ever since I saw-- - Me too. - Ever since I saw Beyond Rangoon as a child for some reason I just loved her. - I still say Beyond Rangoon when I get B.O. or my feet stink. I say, God, those things are Beyond Rangoon. - Oh my God, I feel like the two of us, the only ones who've seen that movie, I loved it. When I saw it, I was like, oh my God, what an emotional journey she just went on. - Patricia Arquette, I mean, that woman, when she got killed in Boardwalk Empire, I lost it. I started screaming and yelling at the TV. I was like, why, why? - Well, she's in one of my favorite movies of all time, which is not Beyond Rangoon, but "Flirting with Disaster." One of my favorite comedies, it was like, to me, that is like, up there. That's one of the best. You ever see that movie? - Unlock your imagination with Audible when you listen to audio content in your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Plus, a great narrator can really take things to the next level. There's more to imagine when you listen. - Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives, all while multitasking or relaxing. Right now, I'm listening to our friend, Elena Urkhartz, the butcher game. It's a sequel, it's fantastic, it's a serial killer cat mouse. I absolutely love her, I love what she's done, and it's really cool and very beautifully told on the Audible version. - And as an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. - New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. - Look, I'm no stranger to drama, obviously, I live for it, but sometimes even I need to put down the remote and escape for a little bit. And if a drama-free paradise is what you're looking for, then have I got the place for you, a Roomba. It's the opposite of Scary Island, it's officially known as One Happy Island because of its friendly, warm, and welcoming culture. Spend your days lying on some of the best beaches in the world under the sunniest skies in the Caribbean, and you'll see why this island is the number one guy in the group in the best way. Get a beachside massage with locally grown aloe or adventure outdoors with a hike or a snorkel. No matter what you do in a Roomba, you'll find happiness, that happy, relaxing feeling you find on a Roomba Shores that stays with you. There's no drama, it's just a sun-soaked, white sand beach, crystal blue water escape that will leave you feeling jovani, baby! So save yourself the stress and headache of planning a vacation, and instead book a rejuvenating trip at aruba.com. - Ronnie? Talk of Patricia Arquette sent Ronnie. - Yeah, my energy is a skype killer. Every time I start going on some rant, skype cuts off, or you're just pressing the button over there, which I wouldn't blame. - No, I was saying that one of my favorite movies of all time is "Flirting with Disaster." Do you ever see that? - Yes, another fucking amazing movie, even though it has been "What's His Faith" in it. - Ben Stiller. - No, I cannot stand. Even though I should like him, he sounds so great for himself. - I like Ben Stiller. I haven't liked too many of his movies recently, but I still think he's very funny. - I'm impressed with what he's built for himself. Like, I think he's an amazing, like I look up to him. I think what he's done is amazing, but I don't ever really get it. - If you haven't seen "Flirting with Disaster," you should. It was directed by David O'Russell, who-- - Oh my God, that movie was good. - People love David O'Russell. But to me, what it all comes down to is "Mary Tyler Moore," "George Segal," Lilly Tomlin, and Alan, and it's all-- - Lilly Tomlin, oh my God. - I mean, this, I mean, the movie, I remember "Cisco and Ebert" reviewing it. That's why I learned about it, because back in those days, there was no internet, so you had to learn about movies by watching that show or reading "The New York Times." And I remember their review to this day, and they said, this is the sort of movie where you could tell the filmmaker was saying, what could we do next to have more fun? Like, how can we have more fun with this? What could we do next? And that's the way the movie feels. Oh, that is such a funny movie. So funny, and Patricia Arquette was so good on it, even though I still have like that moment when Josh Brolin is licking your armpit, and he's still like very gross to me. - It is, but that's what's great about her. And also, I love that her acting seems like it's bad while you're watching it. - Yeah, exactly. - Like medium, it seems like she's a bad actor while you're watching it, but she's not. - She's not. - She's actually really good, and like she's really feeling it, and she's super internal. She's one of those people that if you were actually acting with her, you'd be like, this bitch is making zero effort, but then you watch it back later, and you're like, oh my God, the subtlety. - Yeah. - The subtlety. - Exactly, she's like-- - I love that she got fat. I'll say it. I love that she's like, fuck it. You know what, I've stayed hot all these years. I did not ever fix my teeth for you motherfuckers, and I'm gonna eat whatever I want. I'm in my 40s, suck it. - Yeah, I like that her hair was a messy Oscar. She doesn't care, she's like, whatever. - My dress was stupid. That was like two old dresses sewn together. You know, like, what's her sister? - Rosanna. - Rosanna. She's at home like, oh, so you two dresses together, and then we don't have to spend that money. You were gonna use on my rent this month, and she's like, whatever, go for it, Rosanna. - No, I love, I just sort of like all the arcettes, to be honest, I just-- (laughs) - I do too. - I love her too. - Even David. - Yeah, even David, or, yeah, especially David, I like David arcette a lot. And-- - Well, I got mad at him when he messed everything up with Courtney Cox. - Well, yeah, but-- - But I think that was due to Prozac-induced penis worries. - Yeah, I-- - That's what I heard. - I just, I, "Flirtume Disaster" is great, and I love Patricia, like you said, I like her sort of quirky acting style. It reminds me of, you know, who's also a very strange actress who I like in her strangeness is Rebecca Pigeon. You know, Rebecca Pigeon. - Oh, I like her too. David, David Mamet's wife? - Yeah, she always has, all her line readings are like totally strange, and like, do not sound like way normal, people talk, but they're so like, harsh. - Her daughter is like, their daughter is like that too. She's the girl from Girls. She's just-- - Oh, she's just-- - Oh, she's just on on what's her face? - Yeah, Sashana is her and David Mamet's daughter, and she is super weird too, I love her. - Yeah. - Anyway, back to the scavenger hunt. - Yeah, me, I'll back. - Until tomorrow. - Okay, so eventually it all ended at Villa Blanca. And then it was funny because they're like having a meal, and then all of a sudden Camille and Lynn are like, "Thanks for having us, bye." I was like, "Oh, these poor ladies "aren't even allowed to stay to the end of the meal. "The producers have to kick them out." - I don't think they kicked them out. I think Camille is trying to do that whole, I don't need this show, I'm just here as a favor to you, and I'm leaving early with my friend, 'cause I don't need you. - She's like, "My friend, Patty is nominated for an Oscar, "so I'm gonna go to her scavenger hunt now, bye." - Yeah, exactly. She hasn't heard about me and Fratier yet, so I'm still invited to her events. Bye. - Bye! (laughing) - She's from me and Fratier. (laughing) - I like Patty Arcad, like, not keeping up with the time. - Patty Arcad has a super awkward scavenger hunt where she invites both Fratier and Camille. Oh, I didn't realize. - Yeah, she's like, "I don't even watch TV, "I didn't even watch media except for the finale, "because I wanted to see if they said anything nice "to me in the end credits." (laughing) - So anyway, at this meal, then you'll understand, "Now wait, we have one more game, one more game to do. "Now everyone gets a letter, you have to spell this out." And they spelled out Amsterdam. And it was like, "We're going to Amsterdam." I mean, really, all we've talked about for years is Kim's fucking problems. And this year is all about everybody confronting Kim, and now we're going to go to Amsterdam with Kim. Oh my God, why don't you just take Yolanda to a fucking horse farm and just lay her out there naked with no off and watch her get eaten alive? - Yeah. (laughing) - Well listen, if Kim says she's sober, so whatever. - Whatever, okay Yolanda, we're going to take you to one of those ball, what do they call those ball pens, where you jump in the balls? - Yeah. - What those call? - Yeah. - Ball pens. We're going to take you to a ball pen, but it's going to be full of ticks. - Okay, sound great, great. That's our next cast trip. - We're going to put you in a tick tank. - Tick tank. Hey Yolanda, we got you some tick-tacks. - Oh, I love the phone call with Yolanda's mom, where she's like, "Hi, madah!" Okay, here's what we need for the Dutch trip, okay. We need hazelnut cake. (laughing) Cheese, I'm like, please tell me that these subtitles are wrong. And she's like, please get some horse tranquilizers in case Kim acts up. Please get some staples to put Brandi's vagina closed in case she starts trying to have sex with all the staff. - Giving like real instructions, 'cause-- - I know she wasn't telling that bitch to buy some hazelnut cake, and when did her mother become Slade's mother? (laughing) - Oh gosh, you're so right. I didn't even think about that. - It was Slade's mother. Her mom's like, "I don't know what language you're talking, but Slade's a loser, good job." (laughing) - Oh yeah, so then most of the women fly out on Yolanda's plan. First they go to Calgary, because-- - I think that's where Jesus was hung, right? Was that where he rose again, or where he was crucified? - Calgary? - Yeah, isn't it something like that? Or he won something there? Maybe it was like a contest that Jesus won. Something in the Bible is Calgary, damn it. - I don't know, 'cause I'm Jewish, so I didn't read that far. But anyway, so David-- - You had the whole entire first book. - But I didn't know that, I don't know. I don't know, Calgary was actually a religious reference too. So David was doing some massive fundraiser in Calgary of all places. - Oh, it's Calgary, sorry. - Sorry. - So almost all the women flew out to Calgary first, except for Eileen and Lisa Vanderpump, who were gonna, I guess meet everyone in Holland, I guess that was the plan. So they all get on this private plane, and-- - So of course, sorry, darling, but Penny's trying to perfect the hot pocket. It's like a pizza, but instead of being a pizza pizza, it's rolled up into a little square. I mean, it's amazing, darling, why don't you see it? - Darling, I would come, but Penny's about to debut her newest masterpiece. It's called the California Roll. It's just crab meat with rice and seaweed all rolled up. It's just gonna just take over the city by storm. - Mm. (both laugh) - So anyway, so as they are arriving at the private airplane, of course, we learned that Brandy had told Kim that Lisa Rinna was inquiring about Kim's sobriety. - Okay, now here's a part that I was writing this recap so fucking fast yesterday 'cause I was taking my diet pills, and so I wrote it in one hour and 45 minutes, which any recap or nose is insane in the membrane, 'cause this is while I was watching it. So I missed some stuff, and this was part of the thing that I missed because that whole conversation with Brandy, someone pointed it out and I went back and re-watched it. Brandy is such a seaward for what she was telling Kim. She tells her the complete opposite way that it happened. - Well, I mean, this is why Brandy is trash 'cause Brandy claims that she has Kim's back, but all she's doing is actually turning-- - Okay, so yeah, she tells Kim, like, oh, Kim, everybody's talking about it. Lisa Rinna is going up to every person in the cast and talking about your drunkenness and blah, blah, blah. So, of course, Kim now hates Eileen and Rinna because stupid Skeletor has made her. - I hate calling people Skeletor. That's so Terry Hatcher, Desperate Housewives, but there it is. And I'm scrolling now to Brandy's blog because the huge rumor on this show, I mean, it's not even a rumor. If you search Brandy Glanville on Twitter for the past three weeks, all you get is Brandy's fired, Brandy's fired, Brandy's fired. And I think it really was sealed when she went on Watch What Happens and did that horrible quote unquote joke that wasn't a joke and freaked out that Jeff Lewis was mean to her and then came out and started telling Andy off on Twitter because Eileen and him were making fun of her on Watch What Happens. So if you missed any of that, that's what's been going on outside the show. And so now Brandy is doing her best to be positive and it's hilarious. You have to listen to this and I don't do a Brandy impersonation and I'll make it quick, but listen to her positive attitude. Hello, Bravo Peeps. Tonight, I'm finally home in LA with my family. I can't tell you how nice it is to just slow down for a while. My mind is on recipes and new kids projects this week. When I catch up, I will for sure share a recipe. Oh, good. What? Okay. Who comes to Brandy Glanville for a recipe? I mean, she's going to make Chef Penny look like Thomas Keller. Yeah. She'll be like, she's going to be like, okay, here's what you do. You take some butter, put it on a saltine and then put some grape jelly on it. And there you go. It's an horserve. But enough butter on it and it tastes just as good coming back up. So anyway, it's like four paragraphs of her being like, Yolanda's amazing and David's charity is so great. And I didn't even mind being with Kyle. I'm just so happy to be here. And then she starts getting nasty. Well, you know that about this scavenger hunt. I had fun. Well, and tent and energy. Tent and energy, God, Ronnie, tent and injuries can last for months like sticking up for Kim and her drunk ass. The others, well, you saw what I saw. Sadly, I saw a lot of negativity complaining, petty unnecessary jabs and criticizing their own teammates for physical issues they can't control. Quotes from one of our ladies. I hate clues. I hate the game. I hate the whole thing. She followed this by shooting the bird at yo. Nice. Lisa, the only one with a sense of humor on the show. On the other hand, I had fun. I love the sun, games, clues and getting, yeah, you're the positive one here. Yeah. Shout out to Camille for beating cancer with such grace. Surprise for participating in the fun or awful day depending on which housewife we're talking about was a paid luxury trip to Amsterdam. Then David Foster's great, suck David Foster's dick, blah, blah, blah, great charity, more positivity. And then on the dramatic side, someone poked the wrong bear. We saw Kim slowly learning that someone has had one-on-one talks about her private life with everyone on-- Slowly learning how flat. It was not that-- Everyone, that is, but Kim herself. To me, announcing you're a nice person isn't the same as being a nice person. Yep, one new member of our little group is hell-bent on intruding casting strong labels, making insanely irresponsible assumptions and stating them as facts all over the place. On the show, the internet, to the media, and on watch what happens live. Camille bedding into his major's life with such strong agenda and absolutely zero knowledge of any details of that life after only a few scattered social functions is a whole new level of crossing boundaries. No, no, no, no, no. I'm stopping it right here, OK? First of all, Brandi talked about everything that happened with Kim to Jennifer Jimenez just last week. And Jennifer Jimenez was like, well, does she have a sponsor? Is she going to meetings? Like this and that, OK? Is she going to therapy? And Brandi was like, no, I didn't-- All of her reaction was, I don't know. I mean, I don't know what she's doing, of course. And then her reaction to Lisa Renna is, well, isn't it obvious she's still using? Isn't it obvious to everybody? I mean, come on, bitch. And no, Lisa Renna is not like a few scattered things. Lisa Renna was like in a car with her with Kim. And Kim was like high off her ass off of the pill. And I think if you have the history with addiction and you have a moment where you are like high, Lisa Renna is like 100% right to be questioning it. Like, is this woman getting help? Like, she fell off the wagon. Like, this is a problem. Like, you know, Lisa Renna, I have no qualms with what she's doing. And Kim, you know, again, the whole thing is like, you have to take accountability when you are-- when you are an addict. If you are an addict, okay, the whole thing is right. You apologize to take accountability for your actions for when you are not sober, right? So you don't hold people's reactions against them because you were not presenting like your normal self or whatever. So if Lisa Renna is going around saying, oh, is Kim sober or whatever? Kim was not sober at that moment. And so Kim, it's not like for Kim to be like, shut the fuck up. Why are you saying that about me? It's Kim to be like, I'm really like, Kim is supposed to apologize. That's the way it works. That's the way the program works. Look, when you get me agreeing with Kyle, 'cause Kyle said, you know, Kyle, I'm liking the past few episodes 'cause she's bitch-kyle again. Yeah, I'm all on Kyle, I'm like happy. And I've hated Kyle for like years now 'cause I just don't like when she's trying to bring down nice people to get airtime. I don't like it. No, Kyle is back in my good graces. Yeah, she's getting there. But I like what Kyle said when she said, you know, what I told Kim was she should have gone to Lisa and said, listen, I've heard that you've got all these questions about it. And I want you to feel free to come and talk to me about it because if we're gonna be new friends, we should speak openly. And I don't like hearing about it from other people 'cause it makes me feel insecure or whatever. But, you know, someone pointed out in our comment section on the Facebook page, which is an excellent point. I think, Cammy pointed this out. That Lisa did go up to Kim. She went up to her at that party in the kitchen and said, are you seeing somebody? Do you have somebody taking care of you? Are you in the program? Do you have a smile? She already did all that shit. And Kim got pissed. So actually she did do it to her face, so whatever. - Yeah, exactly. And so Brandy is actually just, again, Brandy's starting the pot. And you know, on top of that, Brandy's doing it because Brandy, don't forget that this all goes back to that awkward wine throwing incident. Okay, Brandy throws the wine at Eileen. And Lisa's like, what the fuck, basically? And Eileen is sort of like, what the fuck? And then Eileen even, on top of that, Eileen even chastises Brandy for making fun of her house. So those are the way Brandy deals with it. She's like, okay. And then she starts a hate campaign against these women. She's trying to turn-- - Well, now Brandy is, you know, she's not really doing it on the show yet because one thing that Brandy has said about Lisa Rina that's completely true is that Lisa Rina, you would never know that Lisa Rina has a problem with you because she's so nice to your face. And you don't hear what she's thinking until she's, you know, she hasn't really given Brandy any clue that she thinks anything bad about her until you watch the show. And so now Brandy's starting this whole thing because she's saying Lisa Rina's trying to get her kids taken away from her because she's calling her a drunk on national TV and saying that is irresponsible. Well, how about being drunk on national TV every week is irresponsible? Why is it irresponsible to point it out? I agree that it's not really Lisa Rina's or Eileen's place to be like interfering with Kim's sobriety, but I don't think that it's bad for them to say something about it. It's glaring, I have a friend who's like teetering on the edge right now. And this girl, and thank God, she doesn't listen to this shit so I can talk about her. And she's to the point where every time we go out, she's so shit faced that it's embarrassing, she causes a scene. And we've told her, we're like, that's enough. Like, and she's like, I'm not a drunk. We're like, well, you know, it's not even about you being a drunk. It's just keep it together while you're with me. Because if you yell at me in public ever again, that's it, I'm done. Like you cannot be yelling at me in a restaurant and it has not happened since, and she still can maintain her drunk. Look, I'm all foreign alcoholic, as long as you can just not yell at me in a restaurant. Okay, that's my only rule. - Well, look, you know what? You know, if you act a fool, you're gonna get talked about. - Yeah, that's right. - That's what happens. That's what happens, Kim Richards. So now Kim is mad at Lisa Rina, and they're on this private plane. And then basically, Kim Richards goes off on Lisa. Because Kim is like, I'm not gonna say hi to her. I'm not gonna say hi. So then Lisa is like, is everything right, Kim? Like, are you mad at me? And that's when Kim is like, "Shut my back up. Don't talk about me, mind your own business." - Well, because Kim's sitting there, okay. Kim's sitting there on the plane. - From baby days. - First of all, Yolanda has passed out magazines to everybody and, oh, what a surprise. They all have her daughters in them. (laughing) She's like, "Oh, I saw that and Hollywood reporter, oh." - And then Kyle's like, "Holy shit. Her first deal was $36 million, which I almost shit on the floor." 'Cause obviously she's talking about Gigi. - That's crazy. - Which, that kid already has third. God, I wish my mother had forced me to diet and be cuter. - How does Gigi already have a $36 million deal? She's a model. - I don't know, but that's what Kyle, well, Kyle writes somebody had a $36 million. Maybe it was a quote about somebody else. But anyway, Kim is sitting there, pissed off, with her sunlight in her face, which Bravo is really not being very nice to these women lately, because that was not a good look. That face looked like crumpled up paper bag in the sun, sipping on, it looked like meth face, sipping on water, giving Lisa Ren of the dirty eye, and Lisa Rena had her reading glasses on, and so she could see it. And she was like, "What's your ish?" And then Kim was like, - "You don't talk about me or my family." - And started going all like Sophia from the color purple on her. And then Lisa was like, "I'm sorry. I was just trying to help. What's with the anger?" And Kim's like, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Stop talking about it." (laughing) - And like kept telling her off. And Rena was like, "Okay, then I really sincerely apologize. I was trying to help, that's it." - "Yeah, you're still talking about it. Shutting down." - And I like how-- - Why are you still saying sorry, shutting down? - And I like how one of the women was like, "I can't believe Kim is acting like this from front of Babyface." - Kyle, she's like, "Babyface is here. I cannot, I'm so embarrassed." What if Babyface needs to buy a house in the next couple of years? She's not gonna buy it from someone who's sisters with that crazy bitch. - Yeah, Kyle's like, "I'm so sorry. My sister only acts like this at two occasions. That's day and night." (laughing) - Kyle, that's a big deal. - Kyle's got on my nerves again because now it's all about Kyle feeling uncomfortable and hiding behind her jacket. - Well, no, but I would-- - She's afraid of planes again. - Well, no, I think, I mean, she said the plane thing as an excuse to her sister, but I mean, I get it. I mean, I've been in those situations too before. Listen, here's the thing. Kyle wants to be in with Babyface, whether it's superficial or not, whatever. But I think we've all been in that situation where you're with someone who's cooler than you and you want them to think you're cool too, and then someone that you're associated with is acting like a damn fool and you're like, "Ah, ah, ah, that's what Kyle's going through." And I get it, I mean, even if it is coming from a totally superficial, materialistic, stupid place, I empathize, I've been there. So we can all, my lesbian friend is getting married and her wedding planning is to send an email and say, "We're going to Vegas on Sunday." Okay, what hotel are we staying in? How many knives are we gonna be there? We gonna gamble, we gonna party, we gonna have dinner somewhere? I mean, what the hell, lady? Okay, that was my little break. So I'm putting, what's that hotel for Vegas so we can all book together? I'm sorry that I had nothing to do with this. I'll stop looking. - It's okay, we both had two confessional moments. - I just can't be around you when you stick up for Kyle. Okay? Because Kyle is still an asshole, like I still like her, but I don't like that Kim's issue is now about Kyle. It makes me crazy. - Well, you know, but- - And you know who else is guilty about it? - I mean, also though, I mean, like, not everyone can be a selfless angel, Ronnie. I mean, you know, when things happen around you- - Well, what I was about to say was the other person who's like that is me. Because when I've had to deal with that in my life, I've been very victim to me about it too and been like, well, poor me, I have blah, blah in my family. And you know what, it's not about me and it needs to not fucking be. And maybe Kyle has made me grow by making me see that because I see that in her and I can see how it would have affected her life, obviously. But, you know, it's not about her. It's about her sister getting her shit together, you know? So thank you, Kyle. - You really taught me something. - Yeah, I guess that's what I was trying to say before which is that like, you know, imagine you were going somewhere with, and there was someone on the plane that you don't really know very well but they're like successful and you want them to like, you sort of wanna be like, it's like, you want them to have a good impression of you, okay? And let's say you have your sisters on the plane and your sister's acting like a fool and you're sort of like, you're kind of like, why can't she just like, act properly? Like, why do you have to do this? And now like, and you know, especially if this is something you have to deal with all the time and you're kind of like, you know, like, I can see why Kyle would make it about herself because at that moment, how could you not? How could you not, how could you have a moment where you're just gonna be thinking to yourself, like, step outside of yourself? Like, you know, when it happens over and over and over again, eventually you do get to a point where you're like, you know what, I just wanna have a, you know, it's already, I'm already on edge 'cause I'm on a plane. And here I'm like, just trying to, I'm trying to keep it together enough for babyface, you know, so that way babyface wants to invite me over. Like, it's bad enough that I'm like, terrified right now. And it's bad enough that babyface sees me being terrified. And now you gotta act like a fool, Kim. Like, why are you doing this to me? I get it. - Well, I was, that's, I was trying to be a housewife and that that's what I was thinking at that moment 'cause I feel like every time something comes up, it's suddenly about Kyle. Like, Eileen tried to talk to her about having an intervention with Kyle and Kyle's like, but how do you think they think of me as me? - See, that's bad when someone said the highly bad me. - But that's how I felt at that moment. But then, man, as this episode went on, I was just rooting for Kyle because Kim's, it's just such a horror show. And you just see, you see more and more every episode, exactly what everybody in Kim's life has had to deal with her whole life. She's a total hypocritical asshole who has no memory of her own life. So she can't even, she can't even know that she's a hypocrite 'cause she doesn't remember anything. Like when she said to Kyle, so Kyle loses her bag in there and has to look for it. - Yeah. - Sorry, that's what I was gonna say. - Yeah, so she loses the bag and has to look for it. And Kim's like giving dirty looks and going seriously. And she's all pissed off because they're having to wait around for Kyle. They've had to wait for Kim every season for every trip. - How about Hawaii? - How about Hawaii when Kim full on just missed the whole flight? Remember that she was like a day behind the entire trip for something that was like paid for. And like someone bought her a ticket. They did all these things. And she was like, she was barely even apologetic for it. - Remember, Mauricio went off on her. - They had wasted in her room with her fucking mouth breathing job of the hub face boyfriend. Stay drunk as hell on her room. Then they finally leave her after she's like three hours late to lunch. They finally leave her. So in this episode, she's like, whenever I'm late, you just leave me. - Yeah. - Bringing that up. It's like, are you seriously bringing that up as your defense? The trip that you came out to America as being a total addict with a loser in your room? Like are you, how? - Yeah, I feel like-- - Like my brain about to pop, because does she not remember that? Like she's bringing up that specific experience when it made her look work. I mean, it just makes sense. - I couldn't believe, I know, I couldn't, I could not even believe. And it's, and the funny thing that what set her off was that they had this really random moment on the escalator 'cause they're all going up the escalator and like Kim's baggage was like so heavy that it kind of got stuck at the top of the escalator and all the women kind of like, it was like a pile up on the escalator and some random lady in stripes had to come and help them, whatever, and they're all screaming and they're all laughing and someone accused, I think it was Kyle, someone said Kyle did it. - Yeah, Kyle said something like that. - 'Cause I was like, no, it was Kim at the top, whatever. It was like a nothing, it wasn't even like a jacuse moment. And Kim was like, wow, real, thanks a lot, thanks a lot. And then Kim just goes off. I'm like, you know, Kim, you have, you really have some nerve right now to-- Like I understand being-- - But Kim's defense, okay. - You know that she's doing this because A, she's not sober. I don't care what she says, but she's licking her lips weird and talking funny and like giving that dirty look to Rina. We've seen Kim when she's drunk, especially how she is around Lisa Rina and we know how she acts and she was acting like that again. So to me, not sober, first of all. Second of all, she's got Brandy in her ear. - Yeah, that's wild. - Getting her wild. - And she's always ready to fight. It's like that party with all the bottoms when Kyle was, yeah, she was mad at Brandy, but she's like standing on the sidelines, getting herself riled up like a little chihuahua who smells the mailman coming down the block, you know? And she's like, she's just getting ready and so by the time they come in, she's yelling and screaming and it looks completely out of place and stupid. And that's how Kim looks. It's like she's just ready to yell at anybody that Brandy's got her pissed off about at any moment. - Exactly, yeah, I mean, I don't know if Kim was sober or not at the airport, but I do think that she was being wildly irrational. And listen, I get it. I get like, you've just had like a huge flight. You're probably a little cranky and it's like it really is annoying that you now have to sit there for 90 minutes while Kyle gets her bag and you're like, you're probably fuming, I get all that. But then to, but I just feel like of all people, it's not Kim who can make those attacks. Like when there's been too much of a history, like let other people be annoyed. But the fact that no one else really seemed to be that annoyed meant that Kim really shouldn't have been annoyed because they were like hanging out with each other. What else were they gonna do? They're going back to the hotel to sleep. - Also, Kim's missing a really good opportunity. She could be walking around that airport, getting her own scene, being hilarious and trying on hats or doing whatever, trying to speak the language with Brandy. Like, you know, you're on a TV show, you're trying to prove to people that you've still got some kind of entertaining aspect to your personality. Use that time, don't just sit there and give fucking dirty looks to a clock. I mean, come on, Kim, make an effort. - I just love the way that the whole episode ended, which was basically Yolanda on the busing, oh, I'm so tired, I'm nauseous, and it just ended. - Yeah, because Kim's trying to start shit and, you know, my favorite part of that whole thing was Kyle is in the backseat wearing like blind people glasses. I don't even know where she got those. Probably borrowed them from Babyface who got them from Stevie. - Yeah. - And she's sitting there mortified in the back of that bus. And Lisa said, you know what, she's just mean. - Yeah. - And that's it, that sums it up. She's a mean person. She can be sober, she can be drunk, she can be on heroin, she could not be. I mean, who knows, the fact is she's a fucking self-absorbed, mean little haggy bitch. And she needs to reel it, reel it in. - You know what, you know what, that mother of theirs screwed them up for real. Like that mother, I don't know what she did, but she really, she probably did a big like dividing conquer with those sisters. She probably pitted them against each other from day one. And I don't know how they're ever gonna get by. I mean, they are, they're just really screwed up as a result of that, you know? By the way, we should also talk very briefly about the fundraiser in Calgary, because once again, Yolanda gave a toast to David. And if I remember correctly, oh, I was gonna write this down. Why didn't I write it down? But at one point, I think Yolanda's like, I just want to give a toast to my husband. And then like, David Foster, you seem to be like, oh my God, that's so nice. As if like she doesn't give a toast every single outing. I mean, I was like, David Foster, just shut up. - David fought, you know, most people don't like when you're falling all over yourself. - There's something weird in that relationship. Like when she showed up to the thing, she's like, oh, David, I'm so sorry, we're late. Oh, I'm so sorry, David, we're late. I'm so sorry. - Yeah. - I was like, stop apologizing, stop apologizing like a fat girl. You know, like I was talking about in the beginning. Like there's some weird insecurity where she always feels the need to apologize and impress David and like, don't leave me, David. - Don't leave me, David, why you're calling? - It's like I'm going to the bathroom. - Okay, okay. I'll be here when you get back with chicken. I have chicken here. - And we're going to come out and fly and say hello. We just don't know where he is. We have to find him. I think he might be in Zairez. Is that still a country? - A girl named Christina Haberk, Haberk. I'm sorry, I cut you off. I thought you were done. - I was done. - I was done. - Okay, sorry, it was rude. Christina Haberk. - I made my one Zaire joke of the week, so I'm sad. (laughing) - She posted on our Facebook. Every time I see Foster, I just see Baby Grinch. And it's hilarious. It's a picture of David Foster. Next to a little Grinch face. And then she actually did another one where she colored him like the Grinch and gave him that hair. And it looks just like him. - Yep. - Well done, girl. - Well done. - Well done, Christina. Yeah, so she gave that speech. And then it was like all the stars. Can we talk about Steven Tyler's wig? - Oh, I know. But you know what though? I really like Steven Tyler's speech. I thought it was nice. Have I stunned you into silence? Or did you just leave? Oh, I see, you're ranting. And so when Ronnie rants, Skype goes away. - Hello, man. - Hello, welcome back. I was like, I was like, oh, well, Ronnie's going on a Steven Tyler rant. So therefore, Skype is gonna kick him out. (laughing) It's okay. This podcast will be like five different pieces together. - I know, I'm sorry you're gonna be there for five hours trying to put this together. It's happened to me and it sucks. - It's actually not so bad trying to put it together. It's just more like GarageBand's just slow. What can I say? - GarageBand, they, I went on iTunes and even wrote a nasty review last week. 'Cause they changed it. I was like, thanks a lot, jerks. This used to be easy now, it's not. You're jerks. - New GarageBand is awful. The only thing that's good about New GarageBand is that the loops are awesome. So if you want to make music, it's good. - Well, I have a MacBook Air, so I can't even download all the new loops. - Why can't you download the new loops? - 'Cause the MacBook Air comes with like as much memory as a phone. It's like you can do, I have all my apps on it and then I use external drives for all my animating and music production stuff like that. - Because you can't, there's not enough storage. That's how they're so tiny. - So I want to be big man, tiny computer, Ben. All right, I like being big man, tiny car. Big man, tiny computer. I like the juxtaposition. - Well, why don't we, I know you had a rant about Steven Tyler, but why don't we instead-- - It wasn't a rant. It was just like Steven Tyler. You're richer than God. Everyone loves you. You're 90 years old and people still call you sexy. Why you wearing wigs from the witches? Stop it. That's not necessary. A nice short wig. Keep you a faux-hawk wig, even. I wouldn't even make fun of you if you did that. But that hair was like a 90 year old wig that was down to his feet. I don't know. - I'm down with it. I'm down with his wig. Why don't we move on to Vanderpump Rules? We see-- - You imagine fucking like that when you're like 80. I mean, that guy still gets so much air. I haven't even gotten that much ass when I was like young and thin. - Yeah. It's amazing. - You rockstar? - That's like an ass vacuum. It's just vacuuming up ass all up and down the coast, darling. - Darling. - Darling. - Chef Penny. - Chef Penny, the ass vacuum time. - Does anyone know where Chef Penny is? Oh, is she getting burned by Stephen Tyler again? Chef Penny, there's tuna tartar isn't going to make itself. Get over here. - I want you about the ass vacuum, Chef Penny, darling, don't leave your past. - Pandora, get there quickly. Someone, make the tuna tartar. - I'm still telling people just in casual conversation. - You know, I told her, don't leave your post, darling. - I mean, just don't leave your post. And they just look at me like, what is wrong with you? I can't believe I know so many people who don't watch Bravo. - Right, man. - Okay, Vanderpump rules. - Van der Pompers. - Ignoring the segue. - There is no segue. It's just like-- - Dude, you had a good one. - No, there's no segue. It's like when Chef Penny serves an enchilada followed by tuna tartar. No segue needed. It just makes sense. - No segue, so we'll get 10 points taken off of scavenger tartar. - It's like when Chef Penny serves a Thai barbecue chicken pizza, and then another enchilada, no segue needed. Just enchilada, every other course. - All right, Chef Penny, all right, look, I want a pizza, but instead of just sauce and cheese, I want it to be that buffalo matcha rather, darling. And then slices of tomato, you know what I'm saying? All right, we're just gonna change the face of pizza, darling. - And then, here's what we're gonna do. I had just a little bit of basil, all right, Chef Penny? It's just blurt going away. - You'll understand for growing it, all right, we're gonna have to order it somewhere else, then. - Here's what we do, Chef Penny. - Here's what we do, Chef Penny. - The better poop drools begins with. - Oh my God, we got back from the honeymoon, and, oh hi, it's really dead, we snowballed, we scared, we played basketball, we went power walking, we went bowling. I was like, Shane gained 30 pounds on this trip, you did none of those things, you fucked in a bed and got high, shut up. - Yeah, and what's the best club mat experience of my life? We went to club matazusa, all they have is a truck piece. - We ate at skiing, and so we ate at the ski restaurant, and then we ate at the bowling alley, and then we walked to the parking lot, which we called power walking, 'cause there is a Chevy's. - I took some trapeze courses, and the club mat in Azusa, you can swing from the out, back to the elephant bar, back and forth on trapeze. (laughing) - That's an amazing honeymoon. (laughing) - That started. - Yeah. - And then, since we found out the season finale is next week. - Boo! (laughing) - Don't leave us this way. - Don't leave us this way. - Leave your post. - Well, I think Lisa went and talked to James, 'cause James was folding napkins sadly, and he's like, "I got mad at Kristen, "and I feel very badly about it." And Lisa's like, "Oh, just do make sure "that the purple table is in proper order, that's okay." So just don't bring Kristen here, all right. You need to do better, all right. Just walk away, walk away from Kristen. And I like how he's like, "Well, you know, "I got in a fight with Kristan." (laughing) - I got in a fight with Kristan, and I fucked up. - Kristan. - She was like, "I love her, and I don't know what to do." And it was my fault, I was acting like a big bugger. (laughing) Kristan. - But the best is that Kristan is going all out now. She is not giving up. If she actually made this much effort in her career, she'd probably have one. - Yeah. - She is not letting it go. She is going to make Jack's admit that he, that Tom boned that ugly girl. - Yeah. So, but she's like seriously? All my tactics aren't working seriously. So she goes after, she's like, "You know what I'm going to do? "I'm going to ask Stasi for help." And Stasi's like telling Kristina, she's like, "Oh my God, like, Kristen, "he keeps on texting me. "Like, who does that? "Like, stop it already. "Like, stop it." Kristan, stop texting me, Kristan. - Kristan. - Kristan. - And then Kristina's like, "Ew, who does that Stasi?" She's so ugly and stupid. But then Stasi, because-- - I'm sorry, I thought we were on the Tom thing, sorry. - No, I'm talking about-- - Yeah, Stasi, okay, wait, we have to stop and get really shallow for a second. Stasi, pregnant, getting fat, what's happening? - I don't think she's pregnant, but-- - 'Cause I don't care if she's getting weight. She looks good with it, actually. She's gonna need a new chin job. But otherwise it's good, her boobs look good, she looks good, thicker. I'm from Texas, I like my blondes bigger and well-rounded. I mean, I think that she looks pretty good, actually. It's just weird, because she's coming back on a TV show that she said she quit, refusing to work out the restaurant that the show's about, and then refusing to film any kind of scene with anybody from the show and then getting fat on TV. What is she doing over there? - Well, clearly her trip with Peter to Fat Cells on Highland Avenue was not her first trip there. - Oh my God, was that Fat Cells? - Yeah, they went to Fat Cells. - I went there once, let me tell you what I got. I got a 12-inch set, I mean, this thing was fucking huge. It was made with chicken fingers, macaroni and cheese, pickles, and some kind of hamburger bun, and something like mayonnaise, some kind of flavored mayonnaise. On white, I almost barfed after the first bite, and then I had a milkshake that was a half a jar of peanut butter with Reese's Pizza's Cups and fudge chips. I mean, what the hell with that place? That place is trying to kill you. - Yeah, I actually am a huge fan of that place, but I've never gotten any of the crazy sandwiches like the one that you got. I pretty much stick to you. There's some ham with coleslaw and a dozen island dressing, like a normal sandwich that I get, and it's so God. But yeah, it's not like if you are trying to lose weight, fat sales is really not the destination for you. But Stasi went there with Peter, and she was like, I don't remember what they were there to talk about. She was just like-- - Well, Stasi's already acting like she's married to a rich person, and she's not. And I hope she realizes that he has not put a ring on it. You're already moving in with him and getting fat. Bitch, you're gonna be crying like a little bitch next year. - I know, she's walking around like she's Marilyn Quail, you know, but she certainly is not. But she, yeah, so she was there with Peter, I think, to talk more about what to do next, what should she do with, like, I don't, you know, I honestly don't remember. I got this really bad indigestion when I was watching a show and I had to like lie on my stomach. And so I was like watching it like sideways, and I didn't return it a lot. - You see, even seeing that restaurant gives you indigestion at school of such shit. - It like, it came through the TV. It was like, the combination of Stasi and fat sales is enough to make my digestive system do, you know, cartwheels. But ultimately what happened was though, that Stasi and Kristin. - Kristin. - They went. - Kristin. - They got breakfast together. She's like, I'll do a breakfast with her. Like, I can do a breakfast with Kristin, ah. But, so they got breakfast somewhere. I don't remember, do you remember they got breakfast? - No, I don't look at the restaurant. - I always look, I forget what it is. - Because I can't look, I'm too easily swayed. Like, I've been asking my friends to take me to Sunset Grill for weeks now because that's where we keep seeing them eat, and they're all like, that place sucks. We're not going there. - I know. - Drop it. Like, let it go. I'm like, no, but I want to eat at Sunset Grill. They're like, Ronnie, it's disgusting. We're not going there. - It's disgusting. - That's disgusting. Who does that? - So, anyway, Kristin was like, seriously? Like, it's really important for me that people know that I'm not a liar. So, I need like, somehow Jax to say that he saw Tom having stuck with a girl in my armor. So, Stasi, of course, is like, well, she's never gonna stay in front of Tom. You have to have Jax to stay in front of Sheena 'cause Sheena will tell everyone. And then Sash is like, but I strongly recommend that you just drop it and move on, nah. Kristin's like, seriously? - Seriously? - Seriously, seriously, seriously. Well, how come nobody tells anybody else to move on? Because like, you know, like for two years, people are like, move on, move on. But no one tells Tom to move on, you know? And like, he's moving his tiny dick in and out of people. No one's like, stop moving your dick. - Shit. - Shit. - Show about me, man. - You know, like Chef Penny, once was having sex with a tuna tartar, but I'm the one who gets blamed for it, like that's fucked up, seriously. - Yeah. Why am I the one who's called like a sloppy choppy, you know, cup of like slime, slimy pink stuff? When Chef Penny is making like tuna tartar. (grunting) By the way, I am on the Sunset Grill Yelp page and I'm reading the reviews and they're kind of hilarious. - What are they, read some? - Okay, this is from Sam S. I'm gonna read it in Kristin Voice. I specifically stated and politely asked for no mustard on my two chicken burgers. I even said, leave that out please, as I have an allergy. Guess what? They arrive both with mustard and pickles. Pickles? Also the curly fries were stone cold. Seriously? - Seriously. - Okay, and here's another one, which I'll read in the sheen voice. Today's lesson, just because Don handling wrote a song about it does not make it a good choice. (laughing) It's kind of funny and stupid at the same time. For ourself, after ordering my cheeseburger, I went into the bathroom to wash my hands. Simply walking into the bathroom made me feel like I now need a shower. Second, I'm one of only three people in the restaurant. Why does it take nearly 15 minutes for a simple chase bar? And the music? Oh my God, don't even get me started. Hose in different area codes? Oh, nope. No Don handling hair. Then all drawn crazy lady attempts to sit with me. That's it. I'm out. Seriously? With about a million places to get burgers in the light, I will never choose this one I got. - Seriously? - Seriously? - Seriously? - Oh my God. I'm gonna barf. - Yeah. - Just kidding, you know why? 'Cause I got, I'm Mr. Jack's Taylor's Instagram. - Oh, good. - 'Cause whenever we read stuff online, that's my favorite. That's my favorite stuff. - The Bravo, the Bravo blogs and the Jack's Taylor Instagram. It's actually pretty good today. He's getting much better at it. There's a little crazy girl eating an ice cream. And he wrote, he wrote an apology yesterday that says, sorry to everyone. And it says, sorry about the pit bull comment that was so uncalled for it. And I didn't mean to harm to the breed, was caught up in the moment and said something I shouldn't have. Sorry, again, if I offended anyone, was not my intention. Have a good day. And then he took a screenshot of that apology and then put it everywhere, I guess. - What was his pit bull comment? - Glad you addressed that. It's an insult to the breed to compare them to Kristen. (laughing) - It's ridiculous that people got upset over that comment. You weren't saying anything bad about pit bulls, but saying something bad about Kristen and how she acts, people need to calm down. That's some funny shit. - Wow. Wow. - So it was loose. - Yes, Kristen's are overbred and they do fill shelters and no one wants to take them in because eventually they could be nice for a million years but eventually they're gonna try and bite your face off. - Yeah. - Right? - Exactly. - Kristen? - Kristen? - So anyway, speaking of dogs, there was this random thing where Lisa had like a dog event at pump and Lance Bass was there. So that happened. Lance Bass, who, wow. Lance Bass is on every "Housewives" episode of all time lately. Like Lance, we get it. You have some podcast, okay? - Yeah, he has a show. - Like buy some Google AdWords or something. - He has a show on SiriusXM. - Well, who doesn't? - I know. - Exactly. - Come on, something. We should be communicating to Sirius, don't we? - Yeah. - Five dollars a week, that can't hurt. - Chef Penny is doing the craft service for SiriusXM. - He's spreading the show. She's serving up little zucchini bites. Little zucchini pies, which makes them in a muffin tin and put them in the oven. - Oh my God, let's do something with, we'll do it like noodles, but instead of noodles, we'll make them look like, well, make zucchinis look like noodles and then we'll call them zoodles, darling. - All right. - Make it happen, Penny. - Darling, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna take some meat and put it into a big box and put it on some spaghetti. We're gonna call meatball on spaghetti. It's gonna blow everyone away. (laughing) - Okay, so what else happened on the show? So they got together at the Sunset Grill, darling. Wait, is that where they were? - No, now we just started talking about it. - Oh, I think we were on Stassi and Christina, right? - Stassi and Christina had a scene. I remember Christina did something, I was like, "You are so awful." But I don't remember what she did. - She touched an ass kisser, because Stassi's like, "Liza called me to even style the shoe." - Oh, that's what it was. That's what it was. - Like, Lisa's trying to give you a scene on the show again, which you're being a bitch about, instead of being grateful for. She's like, trying to help you out here, lady, you know? - And Christina's like, "Why would you do that?" Like, "You hate all those people. I would never wanna pick clothes out for people that I hate." - And she's like, "Nava, you should totally dare it." And put something on Sheena that's like five sizes. She's smart, I'm like, "Christina." - Yeah, that's right. - That's so cute of you, the person who's never in this photo shoot and probably still won't be again this week. - I know. - A little bitch, why don't you just be quiet? - Yeah, we've had enough out of you, Corpse Bride. (laughing) Sorry, I just got real catty right there. (laughing) Sorry, it's not me, bitch. - 'Cause she does look like Corpse Bride. - Christina, how could you be saying these things baby faces right behind me? Why are you doing this to me? - Bad, bad, bad. (laughing) - Yeah, that's right. She's like, make Sheena wear something that's like two size, five size is too small. God, bitch. And she says some other things about other people too, about what they should be wearing. - Yeah, and then she shows up to work and she's like, hi, why don't you tell me some gossip? - So she can run back and tell Stossie. I mean, that is some sad shit. 'Cause Stossie's not even gonna be on the show next year and everyone's gonna see what you did and now no one's gonna talk to you, dumb, dumb, and you're never gonna take the place of Stossie. So why don't you just stop trying, okay? Stop waiting in the kitty pool, get out. - And then Katie used me miles like, Tom got me a ring on a string. It's just like, it's not what I wanted. Like, I wanted an engagement ring, not a ring on a string. It's like, all right, here we go again. - I'm sorry to go, Dr. Laura on your ass, but you are not gonna change a man and the fact that you've been here for so long means that you deserve any kind of abuse that's heaved upon you, including that you're about to find out that your boyfriend is fucked half of Miami or whatever. You deserve it because you're still with him. Get some self-confidence. I mean, I know you go to LA Fitness, there's plenty of hot, straight guys there. Why don't you try not talking for about five minutes and get one, girl? - Yeah, 'cause Tom was like, yeah, my version of like a commitment and a wedding is getting you a dog and a ring on a string. And she's like, oh my God. - Yeah, and then he jokes about it. That guy is like, he's never gonna change. That man is gonna be cheating on you your whole life, forgetting Valentine's Day. - I feel bad, you know. - Fascinating too much to make love. I mean, come on, we all know it's gonna happen. - See, here's why I feel bad for women like Katie. And, you know, in some cases, sort of like women like Kristen too, where, you know, their biological clock is ticking and they're in their mind it is. And so as a result, they are like, well, I've invested this much time with this person. So therefore, I wanna see it through because otherwise I have to start all the way from scratch. And so when she's like, I notice the guy I'm gonna marry, she's saying that mainly because she's like, because I've invested this much time in him and I don't feel like starting over. You know, and it's like, oh, like I feel bad. I feel bad that women, they're-- - Well, we all know what it's like dating in LA, first of all, because it's not like dating in Austin or somewhere else where I'm like handsome. It's different here. Like, people are, no one wants to grow up, no one wants to admit they're getting older or get married or like, no one does that here until we're almost 40, it seems like. And girls like that, I don't feel sorry for it because you're wasting your life getting wasted with some moron waiter instead of out looking for a real man. - Well, she should. - You want a real man? Go find one, they're all over town. They're working at job, like real jobs. - You know what, Katie is pretty. And even though we call her horse face number two, she is pretty and she can find someone-- - She's pretty, she's just not pretty enough to be going on TV and calling herself a model and saying that, like, where people cannot get her job as a waiter. - Exactly. - And the thing is that she can find someone who's cute like Tom or cuter, you know, who treats her better. She just, she hits your wagon onto the wrong mule and she-- - She won't let it go. - But you know what, you give up those pieces of shit and you do go find a real man who does want to get married and have babies and has a job, guess what? - They're as desperate to do it too. And if they find the right woman, it'll happen within a year. But you're not gonna talk some broken legged mule into climbing up a mountain 'cause he can't do it, his legs are broken. Do you understand? - Exactly. - You're not gonna fix a broken mule's legs. - Katie, drop him and then next season you can come back and be like, oh my God, I am so over served. Like, I am so glad I left it and I have a new man and now I'm gonna just like be totally over it and then talk about it all season how over I am. - Yeah, every year it could be some waitress who you think she's getting somewhere in the world and then just gets really fat and gets pregnant by some rich guy. - I know, Stasi, I mean, even good for Stasi for at least acknowledging that she's gained weight, but not that there's anything wrong with it, but-- - There's not, I think she looks really good that way. It's just awkward watching Stasi because she has no self-awareness at all. - I think she doesn't look good like that, but not because she's overweight, but again, 'cause she dresses so matronly that-- - She was wearing shoulder pads and a giant chunky old lady necklace. - Exactly, so I think the combination of like the weight gain and this frumpy style makes it look like she's given up, if that makes sense. I'm not saying that if you gain weight, you've given up with anything, but the combination of this whole look is just kind of like this sad, like, you know, she's now making herself a good sport. - She is trying mental in her mind. I'm looking at it as her jumping already into being a junior league woman with two kids and a rich man in a house in the burbs, and she's like taking on that personality. Unfortunately, none of that has happened yet, okay? I can walk around giving Oscar speeches all day long, but I've never been in a movie, okay? It looks crazy, stop it. - Yes, stop it, stop it right now, stop it. - You look like a crazy person, lady. - Yeah, get off the TV. So anyway, so eventually, horse face number one orchestrates a meal at one of those generic restaurants on the other rows that they always go to. And so it was horse face and Jack's, and was James there, I think James was there, and Sheena and Shay, no James was not there, but Rachel, this girl Rachel, who's Kristen's friend, and basically Kristen starts basically attacking Jack's for not telling the truth about what happened in Miami. And finally, Jack says like, okay, well, here's what happened, Tom had sex like girl in Miami. - Which is nothing new. We already knew that Jack's was saying that. Well, we already knew, I guess maybe, because we saw Jack's talking about it, and there's no bombshell here. Jack's is saying he was in the room having sex, but Tom said that Jack's was down on the beach, screwing some girl down on the beach, and wouldn't know anyway, 'cause he wasn't there. So what is it? - It was like a bombshell moment, except for the fact that Jack's is like a full on pathological liar, and nothing he says can ever be treated as the truth. - And he never saw anything anyway. - But so what the hell? - And Kristen goes, yes, and she's like sitting there, like cross-eyed smile, and her chin pulled all the way back, and they're like upper teeth jutting over her body, like she does, or like foreheads pushed out and her eyes were crossing. - I don't know if I can describe that very well, but I can do it really. We need to have one video podcast just so I can do Kristen. - And so that way we can do the shoulder move, too, that she does. - Oh, I can show her a lot. - But I'd like to also add that, even though Jack's is a pathological liar, and you can't trust anything he says, Tom has also proven to be very good at doing a long game wide. - He's a liar, and he totally fucked that girl on Florida. - Yeah, so he totally did it. - Well, my theory is that one thing that Sheena said stuck with me, and I'm sure she didn't mean it this way, and I take two literally what people in these stupid shows say, but when she was going off about it and saying, look, nobody cares, Kristen. Okay, his girlfriend knows, and she doesn't even care. So what are you doing? Like, why are you doing this? And I'm wondering if his girlfriend is just a little kinky and knows that he's gonna be going to Miami, she knows he's gonna be surrounded by all these people, and maybe they're like gay guys, and they have certain rules, and they can get like flow jobs or whatever. Like, I don't doubt that for a second. I don't know a couple lately that's not kinky, unless they've been together, you know, 20 years or something, but most younger couples I know are pretty open to a degree. - Right. Well, I like-- - So I wouldn't doubt that, but the best line of the night, and I interrupted you again, I'm doing it on purpose this show. The best line of the night was when Sheena goes, look, Kristen, no one thinks you're crazy because of this. They think you're crazy because you chase a girl to Miami, and I operate her in here, and then you walk out, and then she must have like 30 things, and she's like, that's why. And then Kristen, then I like Kristen's like, I'm sorry that your best friend has a boyfriend that cheated on her, but that's just the way it is. Seriously? - Seriously. - Seriously. - Seriously. - Seriously. - Seriously. - I'm leaving. - Well, one of our listeners, Emily Tate, Hucker, also brings up Horseface's best line of the night, which says, it's not about being obsessed with Tom, it's about being obsessed with honesty. Seriously? - Yeah. - Like, I'm obsessed with-- - Truth warrior. - Yeah. Exactly. Like someone like Senator-- - That's the leading text about fucking Jackson and couch for a whole year. - Yeah, exactly. She's obsessed with it. - Most of that stuff. - I love this show. I love it. I'm sad that it's ending next week, next week is the season finale. - I am looking at comments on the Facebook. (mumbling) Why was Yolanda sitting on the floor of the plane at Babyface's feet as he ate? Because that is Yolanda's woman pose. That's how Yolanda has made it in the world by being fucking let around by men and just sitting there and like soaking up their success, okay? That's just what she does. If her husband's not around, she'll find the most famous man. If it was the fucking captain, she'd be like, "All captain, I read about you under thrifty nickel." And she'll sit at his fucking feet and stare up at him for a while. Sad-ass woman. - I know. - So sad. - So sad. - We're all going to Amsterdam. - Except you, Camille, and random lady. - I know, Lin. Lin, you get to go to Azusa and hang out with Shina. - So, let me see what else here. Yolanda's orthorexia nervosa. That is the clinical term for people like Yolanda who hide an eating disorder by disguising it as eating healthy. I like that. I disguise my eating disorder by talking about eating all day long. Does that count? - Yeah. - Would you rather get jacked or petered? - Ugh. - Petered. - I don't know about that. He just doesn't get as much screen time, but he's just as disgusting. I'll bet you. - Yeah, I don't know, but I don't feel like he's a pathological liar, which somehow feels better. - Yeah, but you'd have a lot of hair in that drain. - God, every time you took a shower, you'd be like, "Why is the water coming up to my ankles?" Because your fucking husband won't clean the drain out after each shower. Like Kyle must be like living with Kyle. - But the fact that he has such bad game is kind of sexy. - Um, I mean, I don't know. I don't know, I've given up. - I feel like you have to have like amazing game or no game at all that anyone in between is like no. - I have really good game when I'm drinking, but then I wake up and I'm like, "Oh my God, I was playing game on the wrong person." - I think I need to just like drink glass, but then I don't wanna have sex with anybody from sober. - Oh, the dilemma. - I have always had a very awkward game. Like just really like it's bumbling. - That's part of your game. - No, but it was never a good game plan, I tell you. I had many, many awkward game moments that involved me like smiling and nodding and then eventually quietly walking away. (laughing) - The game? - I'm not, I get all like total confident top of my game. I pick one out and then I just go up and I'm like, "Hey, baby." And I start talking like a, I start talking like that. Like I put on this act and it works every time, but eventually you gotta wake up and be yourself. And I'm like, "Hey, what are you doing?" (laughing) - I want to take it from Rose! - And they're like, "I'm never getting a bone or a gun." - Bye! - I once had a super confident game. One time I had the most amazing game. Like it happened once. I was at this random event and I brought a friend and I think the friend thought we were on a date. And it was really annoying because there was a guy there that was hot and we were like checking each other out the entire time. But like I couldn't like go, like go talk to him because I had this friend with me and the friend was treating it like a date. So we were leaving the venue and eventually I was like, you know what, this is fucked up. I refuse, I refuse to like walk out of here. I was making eyes with a hot guy. I refuse to just let that go. So I told my friend, oh wait, can you wait here for a second, I have to go inside, go to the bathroom. So I went back into the venue and I knew I only had about like a minute, like 90 seconds, you know, to find this hot guy or whatever. So I walked up to the guy and I was like, hey, I think you're really cute. Here's my number, you know, text me. And I walked out and it was like, this is just a very quick like boom, boom, boom. Like I'm not even giving you a chance. I'm not even gonna give a chance for a due of flirting. I'm just going in and saying this. And I like walked out of there and my heart was beating so fast. I'm like, I can't wait for that, I can't wait for that. And then you texted me. - That's really good actually, that's not awkward. - I know, but like I can't do that normally. - I do, but you know, I don't know. I'm just like kind of grossed out with just being gay lately because I told you like a couple weeks ago I had so much fun that my penis came back to life and I've been losing weight and I've been healthy and exercising and just eating great and my attitudes changed and I've started like going out and seeing guys and I don't know, it's like all coming back to life, but they're all disgusting, okay? And like a dick pic, dick pic, dick pic. Every time I open my phone, if someone's dick, it's like the new emojis. I don't even have to ask how they are 'cause I could tell by their dick, okay? It's like it's a sad and rainy day, I have a sad and rainy dick pic. I've got like, I'm an excited to see you pic. It's like ready to bulge out. You know, it's like stop with the, who does, why do we need that? - Does that. It's just like make out for a while and I feel like there's so much pressure to be weird. Like if I'm not gonna pee on somebody, shit on their chest or something, I'm not gonna find a husband. Like have gay guys had that much sex that we have to like lick each other's armpits to get off? Really? Because I can still get off with some good old-fashioned penis slapping. I mean, what the hell? Gay guys, two advanced. It's just all calmed down a bit. How about gay guys put down the porn? Probably all men. 'Cause you know, my girlfriends also complained about their men not being able to get it up. And so I watched this Ted talks about porn addiction and everybody's just, no one can get it up to have it with real people anymore because they're fucking the internet so much. - Yeah, I believe that. - That's just all give up porn and see what it's like when our dicks come back to life. Okay, stop looking at your phone and wait for your penis to stir. - Exactly. - All right, that's my goal. I'll let you know how it goes next week. - And in the meantime, everyone sent Ronnie a dick pic to make him feel better. (laughing) Put it on our Patreon page, don't you? - Yeah, yeah, Patreon, donate with dick pics and that will-- - If you don't have dollars, you send me some dick pics and I will send you some ringers. - Yeah, exactly, or cock rings, whatever you want. It all works. Oh my goodness. - Well, on that note, Ronnie, well, I hope the dating scene gets a little better for you. Take them to serve. - No, I just, I think I'm just not meant for humans. I think I'm meant for a good sex toy. And some like romantic Julia Roberts movies and just alcohol. I'm just gonna become another drunk washed up. But I need to get a career first so I can be washed up. - Yeah. - Anyway. - Yeah, no, it's over. Sorry to talk about that. - Love is hard, love is hard in LA, what can I say? - You're my best friends, everybody. - Love's hard in LA, it is. Because also, I'm like, there's a syphilis explosion-- - Oh yeah, yeah. - Like you can't just go out and have sex with people because Lord knows they've all had sex with each other. - Mm-hmm. - I don't want their syphilis explosion. I saw missing noses on the internet. There will be no syphilis in this home. - No, no, none. - Once they come out with like one of those little like, pieces of paper that you put in someone's mouth when they're doing Atkins to see if they're in ketosis or whatever, like you pee on it or whatever, to see if someone has syphilis explosion or lates. - I know. Something just happened with Madonna. It's blowing up Twitter. - Oh no, let's talk about it. - I'm going to press playwright as some video. - Very well, hold your earphone up to the thing. - Okay. Hold on. She's singing. Oh, Madonna, fold out her staircase! Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh my god. Oh, oh, oh. - Poor Madonna. - Oh no, this is as good as-- This is like when Castro fell down and I was like, oh, oh my god, I'm telling you, everyone look it up. - Are people laughing their asses? People are so weird. - I feel bad. I feel bad. I actually feel bad. It looks like it really hurt. She like fell down and stare at her. - Someone? - That woman is 90 years old. She can't be falling. - Someone wrote, it's like singing old lady fall off the bus. - Oh my god. Oh my god. It just happened. - It's so such dicks, man. This literally just happened in the past like a minute. - Someone put, is there a vine of Madonna falling? Then get on that and get it on Twitter, darling. Your social media will explode. It'll be like a syphilis explosion, but with the likes. - Chef Penny, quickly, put a cake under Madonna. - Come on, Ben, get on it. I know you have vines on it. You've already got it pulled up on your computer right now. - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I mean, I have it. I have it. Here, let me-- - Finger on the pulse, darling. Finger on the pulse. - Let me get the, let me get the link. Let me get the link. This is from Nick Walsh. - All right, you do it. Oh, of course, Nick Walsh has got the finger on the pulse, speaking of hurry before fucking Nick Walsh does it, 'cause you know what's coming. - Wait, you want me to put this on the page? - That's Nick the intern, for those of you who remember. Yeah, put it on the page. Okay, so while you're making your vine, I'll do the closing. Everybody, thank you so much for listening. And especially those of you who are supporting us by going to patreon.com/watchwhatcrapins and donating because we are actually able to do this more and work less, which has been amazing. We're close to our goal of $1,000, which means we'll be doing two free episodes a week. Our benefits are free bonus episodes, this week's all Grammys, and me complaining about how white Neil Patrick Harris is, and all that good stuff. We can also get ringers, and it could go hang out super fun. Actually, we should pay you for that, 'cause it's more fun for us, obviously. And please come to our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchitcrapins to talk shit with other listeners and post your own housewives links and read ours. Please read my real housewives to Beverly Hills recap. It's night of at Trash Talk TV. Find Ben's other podcast, The Banter Blender, where he'll be talking about Madonna falling down the stairs for the next 10 weeks time. And I think that's it for all our social media links, our Twitter, Facebook, Bladi Bloc, go to our watch whatcrapins.com page, where it's just a list of all of our shit. So go there. And I think that is it, darling. - Darling, I'm adding it. - I'm adding it, good. - I'm adding the vine right now, so people, sure it is, although you probably have seen it already, by the time you get to this part of the podcast. - Yeah, tweet that at my Trash Tweet TV, and I will retweet. Let's get that trending darling. Everyone is saying is there a vine of Madonna. Tag it, vine, Madonna, and falling, please. Like I have to teach you anything. - Yes. - All right, everybody, so there you go. Until next week, let's hope no old people fall down stairs. - Yes, darling, except for Brandon. (laughing) - Okay, bye everyone. - Bye. - Bye. (upbeat music) - If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new YouTube channel called, Wait for it. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, buys a slice finger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name Eliza, our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here, and it's funny, and I love you. On Monday, Josh Leibarger made his status. - Peace of the Mondays. - Followed by a frowny face. It got one like in five comments, including dislike. Well, Josh, Geico also wants to make a comment. To turn that emoji's frown upside down. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. With all that extra dough, why not give Monday a makeover? 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