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This deal expires tonight at midnight. ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ What crap is ♪ ♪ What happens ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ ♪ That crap is ♪ - Hey everyone, welcome to Watch where crap is a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the banter blender podcast. And joining me as always is the wonderful, the amiable and the Grammy non-winning Ronnie Karam. Hey Ronnie. - Hello everybody. Great to be here. I don't need a Grammy to prove my worst. - No. - I have the love of a dog. (laughing) - That's all I need. - What if the dog was named Grammy? Then you would have a Grammy. It would all work out for you. I picked up Grammy's poop today. Don't tell me I didn't win. My Grammy pooped. I have to feed my Grammy. (laughing) - I'm not a Grammy. - I'm not a Grammy winner, but I am a Grammy owner. - Me. - My Grammy eats my couch. Daisy can't tell, I'm caffeinated. And also, let's see, what do we have to talk about? First of all, if you want to follow us on social media, go to watch whatcraphens.com where you can find links to all of our fun things on Vine and Instagram and Twitter. It is just the best. Even better is our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchwhackraphens. We thoroughly enjoy that page. And everyone who is on it, people write the funniest shit. I'm gonna use a vulgarity there to describe it because it is that level. It is basically like a blog at this point. Lots of fun links. If you are not following it, I implore you to do so because I think you would really enjoy it if you enjoy Bravo. It gives you something to do while you wait for a podcast to come out. And then of course, please, feel free to support us on patreon.com. P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com/watchwhackraphens. It's just a really nice way to help the podcast grow and support us. Our show, of course, will always remain free. But if you support on Patreon, you get bonus content. And you also, depending on the level at which you donate, you get bonus episode, you get ringtones, you get to be part of a hangout session. I know MJ from Shazza Sunset wants to donate. If you weren't so busy getting all her sliders delivered next door, you can hear them. They're all getting shoveled into her apartment. So anyway. - Yeah, we do a Google Hangout, like video chat party every month. And I think that would be next week, right Ben? It's usually like mid month. - I mean, why the hell not, right? - Yeah, you want to do it next Thursday? - Yeah. - All right, so next Thursday night, and guess what, 6 p.m. Pacific time, we'll be doing that. So if you want, go on Patreon and join and there you go. You'll be a part of it. - And if it sounds kind of weird to sit and go on to a Google Hangout with a bunch of strangers, don't worry, it's actually really fun. - Yeah, really fun, especially when you have drinks. - Yeah, it's oddly very fun. So yeah, that's it. Our bonus episode this week, we just recorded it. We talked all about the Grammys and Rosie O'Donnell, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Shirley Manson, Kanye, all of it. And I would say it was a very fun episode, so go check that out if you're supporting. I think that's all our busy work. - That's enough plugs, any more plugs, and I'll have hair again. - Yeah, I'll say that, like, insert Nicholas Cage joke here. (laughing) You could do that anyway, even if we're not talking about plugs, you can always insert a Nicholas Cage joke. - Yeah, we'll always accept a Nick Cage joke. - Yeah, MJ is, like, throwing a slider across the street. Stop it, I love Nicholas Cage. (laughing) - Okay, what show you want to start with this week? - Um, there are so many-- - Is there any good Bravo news? There's not, right? - You know, I don't know. I feel like I'm not up on my Bravo gossip. Oddly enough. - Okay, yeah, let's just talk about shows. - Let's talk about shows. Let's talk about shows, baby. Let's talk about you and me. That's a little salt and pepper reference. ♪ Sometimes and about times that we'll be ♪ ♪ Let's talk about shows ♪ - Yeah, thank you. - Shows. That's how we're gonna, like, that's how we're gonna introduce the recap segment of every week. We'll do that with the top half of the game. - It's been talking about Annie Lennox, so I'm not gonna do it if I'm not gonna do it. - Well, for a minute. - Feeling, man. - If I were Annie Lennox, I'd be like, ♪ Let's talk about shows ♪ - Shows. (laughing) - And there would be, like, pictures of starving African children flashing up behind us. - Yeah, exactly. And then she'd be playing her fake harmonica. She'd be like, ♪ Chomp, whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp ♪ which is something, Riley didn't watch the Grammys, but he missed Annie Lennox in her performance. You took out her hand into the fake harmonica, and she was like, ♪ Chomp, whomp, whomp ♪ - She did? She didn't air harmonica? - She did, and it somehow worked. (laughing) It was like a weird, like, duck call, like, ♪ Chomp, whomp, whomp, whomp ♪ (laughing) And everyone was like, I don't know what's going on, but I'm gonna go with it, (laughing) 'cause it sounded better than Ariana Grande. - I'll be looking that up later. - Yeah, please do, please do. What are we talking about here? Shows, should we just start with Beverly Hills? That one seemed to have a lot of scandal in it. - Yeah, let's start with Bev Hills. - Let's see, let me pull up my notes. I know you have more notes 'cause you do the recaps. I always let you use through this. - Well, I ended up going out to party last night instead of recapping like an idiot. - Wow. - And now I have all this work to do and not even a good excuse, except that I needed to get out of my house. So I kind of have like a half ass recap put together. - Yeah. - But yeah, it opened with Lisa and her son, the climax of this big storyline, Darling, where Max finds out his name. - Oh, no. - From ancestry.com. - And then Lisa and Pandy talk about it at the supermarket and Pandy's like, she was not divinely addicted to that news. I'll tell you that much. She was like, is that-- - Max is ours. He's out of some other family comes in to take him away. - I'm like, wait and really make him feel like part of the family by making him sound like a pet. - Yeah. - He's okay for him. We put a tag in the back of his neck. - He gets to sleep with, he gets to sleep with Jiggy in the dog house. He's ours. - Pandy, Pandy don't cry and I can make me cry. - They're both crying and I love that they're setting up the pavilion display of her booze with a big gigantic foam Florida Lee. I was like, oh, Jesus. - I know. I was like, what is this? This is like an assignment from the apprentice. It's like set up, set up some just marketing display inside a supermarket for sangria. - But make it relevant to the product. So make sure there's Florida Lee in red roses. - Oh, yeah. - Meanwhile, store okay. - Meanwhile, all of Orange County comes flocking. They're like, I hear this at Florida Lee. (laughing) - Is this something we can say? - I know, it's kinda wearing Gretchen or like, could you guys notify me when this is on sale so I can come back and buy this shit from my kitchen? - However, does this sangria, does this sangria come with Roostard? (laughing) Does this sangria come with a caliente sign I can put in my kitchen? - Could you make a giant ceramic chef that could hold this angry inside of me? (laughing) - Does this come with a checkerboard jars that I can put on my counter? (laughing) - Does she come with those wine tag things? - Oh, Gretchen. - Does this come with margarita glasses that say hot chick on them? - Oh, Gretchen, we miss you. - I know, we miss you. - For what it's worth. - For what it's worth, we miss your interior designs. - So anyway, so yes, I hijack you. - Okay, so that's not where we opened, I'm sorry. We opened back at the party from last week where Kim and Kyle are, wha, wha, wha, oh you, man, oh you. - Yeah, yeah. And then, so Kyle is mad at Kim, obviously, and then she's like crying over with Lisa and Eileen and Lisa, and she's like, I just don't understand why she would come in here and do that, she's my sister, she's crying and went. You know, all that stuff. And what I loved is that then, Brandi is like, all of a sudden Brandi is the virtuous one, being like, you know what? Like, I didn't want this to happen. You know, I just wanted to come in here and make amends. This is, I knew I shouldn't have come, and I shouldn't have done this, as if like Brandi is suddenly like thinking, just throw me nuts. She's like casting herself in this good role. - Yeah, trying, it's not gonna work. She can't hold it that long. - Yeah. - And then Kyle, of course, who only cares about Kim, and none of this is about Kyle at all, just goes and stands at Kim while she's sitting at a table crying and going, what is it still here? What is it still here? And then running to a table of adoring gay men who would hang on every word, and then saying, I'm so sorry, guys, but can you believe it? I'm sorry, Jesus, I know. I'm surprised she didn't hand out like orange wedges and milk boxes to everyone, you know? She's just, it just felt like it was like, she was the coach of a little gay soccer team. - Yeah. - She was like, guys, that ice chest over there is full of cokes. Guys, hands in the middle. Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate, not Brandi? - Kyle. - Oh, poor little Kyle. Yeah, so that's getting tired quick. - I don't know, I actually disagree. I am, I actually am very riveted by that storyline. I am really into it, and I really, I know. - Listening to Kim and Kyle scream at each other? - I am, honestly, I'm into it, and I know you have this whole conspiracy theory that Kyle is only out for herself, and that one's the camera's rolling, yadda, yadda, yadda. I don't know, I'm sort of like, I feel, I'm empathizing with Kyle, I'm not gonna lie. - I don't think she's only out for herself. I just think that she's a fame whore, and she shouldn't be bringing a drunk on TV. Like-- - I know, but what I'm saying, I just feel like she is a fame whore, but I feel like in this situation, I think not even her calculating fame whorness is really, I think this is like bigger than that, you know? - If she had had some kind of conversation with Kim before all of this half or something, I don't know, I just feel like she has a party and then works herself up to cause a drama, 'cause that whole thing could have been fine and calm, but Kyle's over there working herself up and then throwing a temper tantrum because the cameras are rolling in. It's just-- - But that's the thing, I don't know. - I don't know. - It's just tasteful. - I don't know. - Exactly, but I think that-- - But I want to. - Okay, I need my real housewives to be tasteful and not ever fight ever. - But I guess this is where we differ. I actually believe that her frustration is actually, it's like a boiling point, and I actually don't think the temper tantrum was for the cameras, I think she actually just like, could there be anything more frustrating when you have someone like Brandy Glanville, suddenly like trying to act like she's your sister's best friend? Like, I can get it, I get it. I don't think it was calculated. - Yeah, well, you need to be, she needs to be a little slicker about it because getting in a drunk person's face and then yelling at them, I mean, what does that do? I mean, to me, it's like, it's like getting in a baby's face. Like, what's that baby? All that baby is gonna do right now is shit itself in fear. Like, there's nothing else that baby can even do. It's like, how would you punch a baby? - No one ever said these women were right, you know? Like, of course not, you know? But, like, I think that's great. - You know, frustrating as hell, frankly, I mean, I'm on Kyle's side to the point where Kim's just frustrating as hell and when someone's that far gone, they just need to get their shit together, period. Like, pretending that it's not happening isn't really doing anybody any good. - She needs to get like proper, I think, outpatient treatment. I think that she needs to, you know, we've seen it in the past, like, was it been two seasons that she's been sober where she had, like, a life coach and then she was still holding Kyle accountable for her actually, like, she was still being like, "Well, what you treated me, it's not like--" - Yeah, she never wanted to take responsibility. - Yeah, I think that I hired somebody to come over and talk about it. - Exactly, and that's why I actually was like, I was loving Lisa Rinna this episode because, you know, like, what I love about Lisa Rinna in general is that when she talks to these women or when she's talking to her professionals, don't you kind of feel like she's talking to you? Like, you feel like she's like a friend of yours who's like addressing you? I know that sounds kind of demented, but I kind of feel that way. And when she was saying, like, listen, addiction, like, she's an addict, she may be sober, but she's still an addict, and, you know, one pill, taking one pill, is not to be taken lightly. And I was like, "Yeah, Lisa Rinna, you're right." You know? And I feel like that's sort of getting lost. And that's why Brandy is sort of like, it's, Brandy's like fucked up because Brandy's like, "Well, she took a pill." I'm like, "Well, no, that's not right." It's like, it's not as simple as that. Yeah, but Brandy's also an addict. So it's like, when the pill-- Brandy is not going to be a great sponsor in these situations. Exactly. Your sponsor has to be sober. Exactly. And like, fast forward to the end of the episode, it's already get ahead of it. But when I think Lisa Rinna was talking to Brandy about this, Lisa Rinna was kind of trying to get the bottom of, well, this a little bit. And then Brandy's like, "Well, I'm torn between my head "and my heart 'cause my head says she should get help." But my heart's saying, "Well, she's sober." And she says, "She's sober." And if she says, "She's sober, she's sober." I'm like, that's not how it works at all. She said, "I had to write it down because she said, "You're sober until you admit that you're not." And kind of I understand what she means because until you're ready to get help, it doesn't matter. Like if you're someone's friend and they're a drunk, then you just kind of try and help them through it or it, I guess. But that's also an addict talking. And so it's kind of weird hearing her say that because that's kind of what she's doing. Like she just said, "Well, I drink when I see my friends "and I actually drink more because these women stress me out." And then they complain that I'm drinking, but then they stress me out and I drink more. - And she's again to the victim. The victim, like she wouldn't drink if these women didn't bully her. She wouldn't drink. - And she never even drank until she got cheated on. - Yeah, exactly. - Like all the victim thing, it's the same thing except Kim's been doing, you know, Kim's obviously more worn down and has a lot more squished brain cells because of it. - Squished brain cells. I also like how Brandi again, plays the victim when Lisa Rina is asking her about this. I'm trying to remember what Lisa Rina's game plan was about why she sat down with Brandi. I think she just wanted to, I think she kind of, I don't know what it was, but she wanted to kind of tell Brandi, like, yo, this is, you're sort of enabling her. But I love how Brandi's like, well, now Kim wants to be my best friend and then that's like a big burden on me because like, now like, I have to handle that. That's like a lot to handle. I'm like, you are not the victim in this Brandi because like, don't turn this into like, that you're not an enabler, you're the victim here because Kim, like you have taken on the responsibility of being Kim's friend. You're just an enabler and you are manipulative and you're turning Kim against Kyle. - Well, we know that we know from watching Brandi what she's been doing this whole time and one of Brandi's greatest flaws is her timing. She doesn't know how, like, if you're gonna pretend to be a drunk's friend and hold it out until you turn on the drunk and get them to go to rehab or whatever the plan is, she's not even waiting. It's like one conversation with Lisa Rina ruins the whole, you know, it takes the whole thing down. And all of a sudden she's the victim because she's has to be there for Kim and be there for Kim's alcohol. It's like, God, you couldn't even stay true for, as long as you've been filming this season. I mean, come on. How terrible of a fucking human being are you? Like you can't even fake it for that long 'cause she totally threw Kim out of the bus. She was like, well, 'cause Lisa said, is she still using? And she's like, well, no, I mean, she's taking a hernia pills. - Yeah. Well, which by the way, I mean that's, yeah, you don't take hernia pills. - Yeah, never heard of them. - No such thing, it's like, okay, I had a hernia surgery, an emergency hernia surgery in 1998 or '99. - It's quite a year for you. - I know, really. That's a call back to the bonus episode. So, yeah, 'cause I had surgery, I think I had Percocet for like two days, okay? But I could have probably just had Tylenol, like it doesn't need to be on pills for hernia. And by the way, I also believe that she probably has a herniated disc and these two women are too dumb to know the difference between a hernia and a herniated disc. - I don't think she has anything. She's a freaking addict, I'm back on the pills. - That's just the end. And Brandi, you know, Brandi is pretending to be her friend. We all know she's not really her friend, but she just outed her on national TV. It's like, come on. - And what did Brandi, at one point, she made like a side comment where Lisa said something, I don't remember something like, well, seems like she's doing something. And Brandi is like, oh, that's that you know of as to imply that it gets like much worse than what they saw, right? - Yeah. - And I'm like, oh. - She says something's gonna happen. Something's already happening, Brandi says, more than you already know. - Exactly, which actually proves Kyle's point, 'cause Kyle, so, I mean, we're getting so far ahead of each other, but like, you know, when Kyle and Kim were having their second argument of the episode, Kyle was basically like, Kim, don't, you know, don't confide in this woman. She's going to like, she's going, like, oh, I'm sorry. Kim was saying, if I remember correctly, Kim was saying she was mad at Kyle because she thought Kyle was trying to out everything that Kim had told Brandi, that when Kyle had told Brandi, why don't you tell me, why don't you tell me what Kim says? And Kim was like, I can't make it out as private. And then Kyle was like, no, but the point is, she goes and tells people anyway, you know? And that was a perfect-- - I think what the flashback, so that was interesting what the editors did because it shows you how your brain changes things, you know? Like, your opinion changes what really happened because, or unless I just misunderstood it last week because they show Kim, 'cause Brandi's told her, well, she's trying to get you to say stuff on national TV and Kim's like, yeah, she was just trying to get me to say why I was calling you or whatever. Get you to say why I was calling you. But then when they cut back and showed it, Brandi said, I called you, Kim called me, and that made me call you at like two in the morning, worried, and you said, oh, well, that's just Kim, that's what she does. And then Kyle says, oh, really? So then, then what? You know, what is it that Kim does? What is it that Kim does? Because she's trying to say that Brandi's a liar and wouldn't be able to explain it, but she wasn't trying to get Brandi, you know? And that's big for me 'cause I don't really like Kyle, so-- - Yeah. - But I can see that that's not what happened. Brandi immediately twisted it and put it in a drunk's mind and now Kim's just spitting it out over and over again without hearing. - Yeah, and Kim's-- And in fact, it's like, Kim's also doing that thing where you latch onto one thing. Like there's, like, what Kim basically did was just like, why are you trying to out my issues on national TV? And then that was her whole thing, and then she didn't listen to anything else. Nothing else that was happening, she didn't listen to. So it became about like Kyle is so evil because she's trying to air my dirty laundry on TV. And it was like very frustrating, but as we saw in the discussion with Lisa Rinna later on, it was Brandi, Brandi is the one who was like more than happy to elude whether it happened or not that Kim, you know, has major drug issues that are ongoing. - Yeah, she's just being a good friend by not talking about it. And she won't have the intervention, but maybe Lisa could put something together, you know? - She's just really a sneaky snake. Now, Lisa Rinna on the other hand, I like that she's, you know, Lisa Rinna's a viewer who, she's like a fan who became a housewife, right? She loves the show, she's talked about how she's always watching it. She knows all the ladies. - But she's in the unique position of having a higher station than them too. - Yeah, and she can, you know, she can call it out and say these women are crazy and why isn't anybody talking about Kim's blatant drug addiction? And she can say all that. And I like that she'll bring it up, but she is sneaky too because she was just calling it Brandy and Attic at that party and saying Brandy needs an intervention of rehab and all this shit. So she's talking about both of them, but then she's getting Brandy alone to talk about Kim's. I mean, it's weird. And one thing Brandy pointed out in one of her Bravo blogs a couple of weeks ago was that Lisa Rinna's always been so nice to her face. So to hear her talking about her being an Attic and all of this is crazy, which, you know, I mean, if Lisa Rinna is like so truthful, she should be saying the same thing. - Yeah, but you can be nice to someone's face and something they're an Attic. Like what's wrong with that? You know, especially if you are honest with her about talking about someone else's addiction, that if you think she has an addiction, it almost seems irresponsible of you not to bring it up. - Whatever happened to your sober until you say you're sober until you say you're not, right, Brandy? - Yeah. - You know, like what's, so why, why should Lisa, according to Brandy's logic, why should Lisa even bother if Brandy's not even ready to admit it to herself? You know what I'm saying? - Well, that's true, yeah. - You know, I actually believe it or not, this may sound controversial. I'm not totally convinced that Brandy is an Attic. I think she's a drunk if that makes sense 'cause you can be a drunk without being an alcoholic. If you know what I'm saying, like you can just be like someone drinks a lot, probably not an attitude, but you just don't know how to handle your booze and you're just like sloppy and you should probably tone it down. - Well, we have all been there. - Yeah, and Brandy, we all have that friend who's there. - Yeah, I just feel like Brandy never realized that she should stop drinking like she's in like a 19-year-old on Schlitz, you know? - She just never, every event, she just gets so drunk that she pulls that shit. So yeah, it's just like she can't handle her booze that's embarrassing. - I think probably what's-- - The Lord knows I've been that person many times. - I think the thing that's probably frustrating for Lisa Rinna is that people sort of act, including Kim almost like she's cured, like Kim is cured. I mean, they don't and they do, but there is this implication like, well, she went through rehab and so no, everything's great. And it's like, no, there's still work to be done and it's not being addressed and on top of that, she fell off the wagon and it's not being given the gravity that it deserves and I-- - And also, she never really went to rehab. So the first season she was a drunk-- - She went to Kingsley's-- - She went to Kingsley's-- - Yeah, she went to Kingsley's training school. (laughing) - So I-- - Hey, I went to Santa Hotel in Ohio and I didn't know where my crack dealer was, you know? - But now I know how to-- - Fine, I'm recovered. - And now I know how to roll over. (laughing) I can sit, I can stay, I can roll over, I can play. - I never can play basketball 'cause I can never catch and now I can. - I don't know. - Now I could put my hand in someone else's hand and get a biscuit. (laughing) - Hold on, I gotta go pee pee with somebody. - Let me up side, that's what I'm gonna do, aren't it? - You know what I'm really good at is if you go, ooh, I can go, ooh, with you, it's my favorite song. (laughing) It's so annoying to everybody but every time an ambulance passes, I go, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. You know what's great, you know what's sport I learned? It's called, I don't know what it's called but if you throw a stick across a lawn, I just go run and I get it but I get it on my mouth and I bring it back and that's great. - I get coffee, I like going to pizza instead of Starbucks 'cause they have a little bowl outside with water in it. (laughing) - Now instead of drinking what I do is that like I walk by fire hydrants and I just pee on them. - I used to have to go get cream but now I'm on my vagina and just sit just in my ankle behind my head and start licking my... - I learned that the only thing worse for me than drinking is chocolate because that will kill me. (laughing) - Kyle, how could you send me chocols from Valentine's Day and someone's supportive? - Kyle, I'm sorry I couldn't come to your party but like I heard there was electrical fence around my place and I didn't want to get buzzed. (laughing) - Hey, I'm sorry, driver, I forgot where I live. Just scan the tag in the back of my neck. (laughing) - You know what I love doing? I love like sniffing other dog's butts. I don't know why. (laughing) - I trust Randy. Her butt smells completely like corn. (laughing) - You know what? Kyle always gets mad at me. She says I'm gonna lose my head because every time I go driving, I stick my head out the window. (laughing) But it feels so great and now I don't need to drink. (laughing) - Oh, cum. - Yeah, this whole episode was kind of sad 'cause it was the addiction episode. Everything was about to kill. - But I liked it, it was about something. I don't know, I felt, I liked it. And again, I really feel like- - It was brandy, so then we flip over to brandy's addiction. And you'll be having her conversation with brandy with you. - Wait, before you get into that, I think we have to have a moment to thank Rob over for introducing us to Keith the yoga instructor. And I think that Keith deserves- - Oh my God, because Wiener was so big he kept moving it out of the camera's way. Did you notice that? - I, surprisingly, I didn't notice that. You would think that'd be one of the first things I would notice. - Girl, I'll get you some screenshots. - Please do. Oh, God, Keith was beautiful. I'm like where- - That thing was humongous. He's wearing these tight little short shorts. I was like, oh, Keith is angling for a yoga show on Bravo or some shit. - Oh, Keith was gorgeous. I was so happy. And then I went on to Twitter to see if people were talking about Keith and everyone was like, and was like, "Yo, Lon, to have some manners." At least walk the man to your door when he leaves, 'cause he was like, "Okay, ladies, bye." And they just saw him walking out quietly. - I'm sure they just gave him $600 for that hour. - Yeah, Keith was gorgeous. But anyway, go on. So Brandy comes over for yoga and Yolanda starts having the talk where everybody thinks you're an alcoholic and you're a drunk and you know, I have daughters, so I can't be a hypocrite and be okay with this behavior, which is- - Well, what if Hilarious is she's married to the guy who ran up her Ben Vereen drop? (both laughing) - Never forgets, never forget. - Well, no, no, I mean, I mean, here's the thing. You know, what Yolanda was basically saying is like, if you don't want people to think you're a drunk, stop acting like a drunk. That's basically what she was trying to say, but you know, the Lyme disease got in the way of her words. - So- - But Brandy doesn't care if anyone thinks she's a drunk. Yolanda's saying, "I'm your friend and you're basically "at this point, I can't even stand up for you anymore." And Brandy's like, "I don't need to just," you know, Brandy- - Brandy- - I think Brandy was shocked that she was hearing anything from Yolanda. - Well, Brandy, who doesn't care what people think about her, and yet these women make her drink. So it's like one thing, it's like, you're either affected or you're not Brandy. Like, and you obviously do care because why else do you lash out? Because why do you say, why how can you say in one moment to Yolanda, that I'm not mean, it's just that like when people say things, you know, I'm temperamental, and then I hit back below the belt. So if you don't care what people think, then why do you hit back below the belt? Like it doesn't, like, you know, it's like, it's this sort of like demented logic that's so self-serving for her at any given moment. It drives me nuts. It's like, you know- - So you can tell that she's best friends with an addiction counselor because she knows all the right things to say to get out of anything and to manipulate you. Like, it's not my fault. It's a disease. It's not my choice. It's just something that happens. It's just who I am. It's there, it's not me. It's not me. It's not me. It's like any way to not take responsibility for a goddamn thing. - I know Jennifer Jimenez probably deals with so many people who are so delusional or have so many issues that hang out with Brandy, probably feels like a breath of fresh air, you know? But the thing is, so Yolanda's, but in all truthfulness, Yolanda is basically telling her, like, you know, sort of like get your act together a little bit. Like, start acting a little bit more mature. And Brandy is like, well, I don't think I'm gonna, just because I drink, doesn't mean I'm an alcoholic. I mean, look, people said about your daughter. And it was such like a nasty, underhanded remark. Say, well, you know, we've made fun of Yolanda. We've made fun of her daughter and all this and that, like how Yolanda's like, well, it's just just, you know, whatever, regardless of what we have said, the point is, these two are supposed to be friends. And she makes a comment like that. And just like, no, I'm not saying anything against your daughter. I'm just saying it as a comparison. And it's like, no, that was actually a passive aggressive, nasty, underhanded remark. And you say things like that and you prove everyone's point about you. - Yeah, exactly. Well, people say that about your daughter? And that's not true. And then, Yolanda, you gotta hand it to her and not being afraid of a fight with Brandy. - Well, you gotta hand it for her for not taking the bait also. Because that was, Brandy was baiting a fight at that point. And Yolanda, you could see Yolanda was like pissed, but she was kind of like, you know what? I'm going to ignore that awful comment because this is not, you know, you're trying to like deflect here. And you have to-- - But the argument, you know, Brandy's just, it's again, like she doesn't think through an argument before she does it because yes, people have been saying her daughter's an alcoholic because she got a DUI and it's in the public eye. And the reason that they're saying that is because Yolanda should have been like, yes, she deserves that reputation because she got a fucking DUI. - She should have said that. - And that's what she deserves. And she's going to have to come back and earn it. It's not justified. So Brandy's saying, people are calling your daughter an alcoholic, well, that's justified. And people are calling you an alcoholic because you're drunk everywhere and making an asset to yourself. In both cases, it's fucking justified, Brandy. Your argument is stupid, shut up. - Brandy doesn't seem to realize that actions have consequences. She just sort of thinks that like, well, if you just sort of state that this is the way you are and you know, like, well, you know, I'm not mean, but you know, if you come at me, I'm gonna come at you and I'm gonna hit below the bell, that's just the way it is and I'm sorry. It's like, that doesn't really cut it in civilized society, if you ask me. In civilized society, it doesn't-- - In civilized society. - In Yolanda, in Malibu, but it truthfully, like, I don't accept that out of a friend. You know, like if you, like, that's not, if that's a trait that you have, that's a trait you should be working on and not have, you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. - You know what I'm saying? - That bitch is hopeless. - She's hopeless. - She had her podcast. When she had her podcast, they showed Brandy during her podcast at Podcast One. - Yeah. - And she had Heather McDonald, who's on the Chelsea lately show, and she asked her, you know, I don't understand why Chelsea can say anything she wants. I mean, they don't get mad at her. She says anything, anything she wants. And Noah says a thing, but when I say one little thing, everybody goes crazy. The difference is Chelsea Handler is a comedian and she's funny. You're just a bitch. Like, you're not fun and you're not a comedian and you're not joking. You're just being mean. There's a difference. - Yeah, and also Chelsea Handler, a lot of people that she's being fun about, I wager that they're probably not her friends, you know? - Yeah. - And that's the difference. Or necessarily her peer group. - Yeah, and Chelsea Handler is already successful and she doesn't give a crap. - Yeah, exactly. No, you know, Brandy's just awful. - And she's funny. Yeah, Brandy's just pretty. - She's awful. And she's going after Yolanda, the one person who's in her camp. I mean, listen, Yolanda's Yolanda. We make fun of Yolanda all the time, but like... - Don't go at the question. - My cousin sent me a link to David Foster's Instagram page. And it's as obnoxious as you'd think, but he has a picture of Yolanda giving like kissy face to the camera and he's like, my wife is so strong and supportive, even in, you know, even with her disease. Hashtag love you, hashtag Lyme disease. - I'm like, just every picture with Yolanda have to have hashtag Lyme disease, I mean, Jesus. - Hashtag Lyme disease. - We get to get a show about Lyme disease or whatever, but... - And also, what does David Foster need to support for? Was like, my wife is so supportive of what? It's not like, you know, it's not like you're like on the streets looking for a job at McDonald's. Like, you just put out like your 10th Andrea Bocelli album like who cares. - He's a judge on some show in Asia I've just learned. He's like, he's a judge on like an American idol top show somewhere. - He's like, he's like, I had to choose between the Malthy Coast and going to Turkey again. And I didn't know what to do. And thankfully my wife was so supportive in the process. - You know, I was trying to decide and I came home and Yolanda put on lingerie and made chicken. - You know, the other night, the other night we had dinner party that did not wind up around the piano. And I had a really tough time with that, Yolanda really supported me through it. - The other night I was playing the piano after dinner party and someone started talking. Yolanda immediately stood up and gave a speech about how much she loved me. So thank you for your support Yolanda. - Yeah, the other night-- - I'd like to thank you for being my husband and supporting me. - The other night, two of the three tenors came inside the dinner table instead of stayed down in the servants quarters where they were supposed to be. And it was very difficult for me, but Yolanda really, really helped me through it all. - They didn't even bust the table when they were done. (laughing) - What else happened on this episode? - Let's see, we'll look-- - Wait, no, no, no, no, no. - Everybody's addiction, Jesus is sad now. - There was one thing that was amazing and hilarious, which is that Eileen, David said-- - Oh, Eileen, yes. - Was, went to the step and repeat at the Burbank Film Festival, which was the funniest shit. I loved, first of all, the idea that there was a Burbank Film Festival is amazing for people who don't live in this area. - I think you could see the IKEA spine. - You could, I was about to say, when they arrived, 'cause the movie theater is adjacent to the IKEA, but they pulled up at an IKEA. And they go into the suburban movie theater, and I love their talking, and Eileen's like, "Okay, well, I'm gonna go do the red carpet now." And they cut to her going down an escalator. She's like, "Bye," and she's descending down, like a mime, like an escalator. And the escalator, like where the escalator ends is where the red carpet begins, and she goes-- (laughing) It's like-- - And she said the red carpet is like a bath mat. - Yeah, but that's the best part is like, Eileen is like, so elegant, and she has this like, erudite sort of personality and persona, and that she does this ridiculous little film festival that celebrates sea level short movies, and she loves it. That movie, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed for her. And I've seen so much of her day's work, which is of course, Total Cheeseville. - But you know what I love is that she's like, doesn't care. She's like, she seems to get a kick out of it. She's like, she knows exactly what it is. She knows exactly what this Burbank Film Festival is, and she's like, "Yeah, let's get some hot dogs." (laughing) - Yeah, well, there's different levels of stardom. Soap stardom is kind of low, so you're always trying to get that bigger thing. It's like being in, you know, even if you're rich and you have your giant mansion in Malibu, you still have to pay your actor dues and do your short films and stuff. - Yeah. - It's like, I'm in a student film. It's about needlepoint. (laughing) You know, that's drive to Arizona and watch it, girls. - But you know what, it made me realize why she's doing this show, because I was like, well, you know, she's like this big soap star who's getting this huge amount of money to be on the show. Like, does she really need to be on the Real Housewives? I'm like, oh wait, she does. Because right now, people who don't really know her are like, oh, who's this like, accomplished soap actress with this great personality. She should be, you know, all these different things. And then you see the stuff that she is doing. I'm like, oh, now I see why she needs this show. - Yeah, well, it's prime time. It's a soap opera that's prime time. You know, she finally made it. - Yeah. - And also soap stars don't make as much as you would think. I mean, that's more like a nine to five her. - Yeah, it really is. - Oh yeah. - It's like the nine to five of acting. - Yeah. - So yeah, this is actually a big step getting on the house. - Unlock your imagination with Audible when you listen to audio content in your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Plus, a great narrator can really take things to the next level. There's more to imagine when you listen. - Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts and discover new perspectives, all while multitasking or relaxing. Right now, I'm listening to our friend, Alaina Earkhartz, The Butcher Game. It's a sequel, it's fantastic. It's a serial killer cat mouse. I absolutely love her. I love what she's done. And it's really cool and very beautifully told on the Audible version. - And as an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. - New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. - This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. - We're back to tell you more about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit, stream max with ads included at no extra cost. - You know what's a great night for us? Ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the max original hacks. - Which won best comedy, deservedly so, and we'd love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart, but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu who also is a huge Bravo fan. - Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks, but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza, sometimes it's a salad, and I can get both with DoorDash. - How 'bout some ice cream? That's what I like to eat with my hacks. - 100% I will double dash. I will get a salad and then double dash some ice cream. Why not? - Sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. - It's your door to more. Max is now included with your dash pass annual plan. Stream Max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. - Terms apply, see DoorDash.com/maxfor details. - Ronnie, are you still there? All right, this is the time of the podcast when Ronnie disappears, and he's probably talking right now and probably doesn't realize that he has gone away. (mouse clicking) - Coming back. - Hello. - Oh hi Ronnie, welcome back. - Oh yeah, I got cut off. Were you singing a show to you? - No, I was explaining to your audience that this is the time of the podcast where you get cut off and then you probably are still talking and then you realize that you come back. - Yeah, I'm just to keep talking like it never happened. - Yeah, exactly. - This was the point where we realized that Eileen is very self-aware, but not so self-aware that she doesn't understand how cheesy that shit is to be showing on TV. And that gives me hope for a very bright future with her because you have to have a certain sense of delusion to be a real housewife or it's just not gonna work. And so, and I haven't really seen that from her yet. So now that I've seen at least a glimpse of it, I have high hopes. - Yeah, and I was, I have to say, I was actually pretty surprised that I clip. I thought like, okay, it's me a crappy movie. I figured like one of those crappy movies that you see on like "Cinemax", not even like a porny movie, just like some crappy straight to DVD, but this was like even worse. This was like, this was a bad, bad, bad movie. I'm trying to find the comment. One of our listeners wrote on our Facebook page and I'm so sorry, I can't give you, I can't give you your name a shout out 'cause I just can't find it. But someone wrote, 'cause when "Covatures" was like, this is definitely not the Cannes Film Festival. This is Burbank. And someone's like, oh, Kyle Richards, don't act like you've ever been to Cannes. (laughs) - Oh yeah, Kyle Richards making fun of it. That's hilarious, Kyle. At least this woman has a job. What do you do? - Yeah, yeah, exactly. - I like the part where they were all pretending to eat a hot dog. - Yeah. (laughs) I just loved how out of place like Lisa Vanderpump was in Burbank. I mean, remember the episode a few seasons ago when she went to Hollywood and she was like scared out of her mind? - Burbank, she was like, darling, I forgot to be my passport, where are we? It's like, should we go to the California pizza kitchen afterwards across the street? (laughs) There was literally an Ashley furniture across the street from where they were. - I was just there. I just wanted that idea to get a new duvet cover. - Oh, I got a, you know, I gotta get a new bedding myself. Let's get a little old. - Yeah, it was great. - Oh, it was Anthony. Anthony Zampagna, Zamponia. I don't know how to pronounce him. He said, okay, the Burbank Film Festival is funny, but what was Kyle ever been in the same reality as Cairns? Ooh, Anthony. - You go. - Yeah. - You too. - Can we talk about these ads that were happening of "50 Shades of Grey" with Lisa and Kyle? What the hell was that about? - And Jax. - And Jax. - And Jax. - And Jax. - That, is that supposed to make people want to see that movie because I did not think about getting banged roughly after watching that. I thought my penis was like, okay, shut down. - It was like 50 pubes of gray. That's what I was thinking when I was watching them. - Yeah. - Oh, snap. - 50 Shades of Grey. It's like they're talking about their bushes again. (laughing) - Yeah, this is, like, this is, these are not the people. It should have been, honestly, if you're, I bet 50 Shades of Grey, it should have been the cast of "Vanderpumper Roles." - Yeah, of course. Seriously, gray isn't even black or white. It's like neither, seriously. - Have you seen the 50 Shades of Grey stuff at Target? - What? - They have, like, little sex things at Target. - Stop it right now. Stop your face, Ronnie. Stop it. - Yeah. - Are you serious? - Yeah. - Sex toys at Target? - Yeah, go check it out. I mean, they're not crazy. It's not like anything too crazy. I think there's, like, a penis ring. Like the white ring. - No way! - And yeah, there's a couple of, like, naughty little things in there. - Are you sure you were in Target and not just, like, at the pleasure chests? - No, it was Target's. - Wow, I have to go check that out. It's great excuse to go to Target, 'cause I love going to Target. - Yeah. Check it out, go get you a little ring. - Yeah. Yeah, girl, I'm gonna get myself a ring, a penis ring from Target. - Yeah, please my woman. - Yeah, I'm gonna get some deodorant and a penis ring. - Yeah, then I'm gonna slap her around with a whip. - Yeah, perfect in time for Valentine's Day. Oh, I think don't we have an ad about flowers where we do an ad, like, get her what she wants. I'm like, what about the guys? What if the guys want something? - Yeah, just forget about the garment Valentine's Day. - Yeah, what is that about? - I know that our ad has really misogynist-like copy. It's like, you know when she says she doesn't want anything, she wants it all. So, go get her flowers, thank you. - You know what, your girlfriend to be the one who's like, "Ew, my boyfriend didn't get me flowers." - You know you'll be in a dog house when you don't get her chocolates, 'cause you know, girls are shallow. - Yeah, all girls care about what their friends think, and if you don't get her flowers, her friends are gonna be mad. So, get her some flowers. - That being said, guys, if you do want to get someone's special flowers, you should use our discount code. - I think that'd be a great idea. That being said- - It's true, though, that it isn't for men. What would you get men for Valentine's Day, a tie? - I don't know, I never have Valentine's Day. I don't even know what that is. I used to get a card from my mom, but I don't get that more either. - Wow. - This is my first Valentine's Day in all my life, where I actually have to, I have a boo, and I have to, I do have to think about that. Like, we're- - Oh my go, what are you gonna do? - I don't know, I mean, we're not gonna do anything. Neither of us really care that much. As long as we're just like- - Oh, Ben, have you heard our commercial? - I know. - No, I'm gonna get him. - He cares, but he cares. - He cares. - It's like when it's your birthday. Well, you don't have this kind of birthday. - No, I'm gonna get him some kind of birthday, where I'm like, I don't want a party. I don't care, it's stupid. I'm just gonna have a drink. And then my birthday comes, and I'm like, well, I didn't have a party, I know it likes me. - No, no, no, I think it's, we both are the mindset that like, we don't have to like, get like a reservation at a fancy restaurant. It's more like, but I mean, I'm gonna get him something, but he doesn't like chocolate, so, I don't know. I guess I can get him flowers from our flower sponsor, but it's probably too late for that, so. - Yeah, get him something. - I don't know what I'll get him. I'm gonna get him some, I'll figure it out. I'll take, I'll gladly take suggestions on- - You better get him something if you wanna get his chocolate. - Ooh! - That's right. - That's right. - That's daddy. - That's daddy. - You said it. - You guys are very sexually free, because of those 50 shades of gray commercials on Bravo. - Yes, he's been liberated, thanks to college's and Lisa Vanderpump. - Yeah, the thought of Jax going down on Lisa and Kyle in those commercials really did something to me. Wonderful. - Yeah, Mr. Jax will see you now. - Mr. Jax, his face every week. Can we move on to that show now? - Seriously? - Seriously? - All of our favorite points were hitting Vanderpump rolls this week. - It was- - Seriously was said about 50,000 times. There was a crop top dress. - This was a great episode. - I know, right now, if I can remember, I'm gonna write down, how far along are we? We're at 44 minutes in, if I can remember, I'm gonna start playing pocketbells canon right now over the podcast, and it's gonna make it feel like we are walking into Shino's wedding. - Okay. - Okay. (humming) - I don't know, that was my weird attempt to make the pocketbell canon. - Meh, meh, meh. - Meh, meh. - Meh, meh. - Meh, meh, meh. - Meh, meh, meh. - I don't know. That was my weird attempt to make the pocketbell canon. - Meh, meh. - Meh, meh. - I don't have a new backpack. - Oh. - It was being your backpack violin. - Oh, well, you're supposed to do it that point. - Meh. - Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh. - Oh, okay, okay. Do you want me to go ahead? Do it again. (humming) - That's what you do. - On my butt. On my butt. On my butt. On my butt. In the club. In the club. - I'm sorry. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's what you hear. You're just gonna say like, who's playing this music? I asked for poison. Every rose has a thorn. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe that Instagram wedding flatter did this to me. (laughing) - My wedding song was supposed to be my first single song in French. - I can't believe this wedding is happening. Doesn't anyone realize my wedding is this week? It's can't be happening on my wedding day. - In the club. In the club. On my butt. In the club. Stop it, slap it, slap it. Slap it, slap it, clap. In the back. In the club. - My wedding in the club. In the club. How they're tops. In the club. Wedding cake. (laughing) - This show was filled with gold. Okay, so it opens with Sheena at Lisa's house. Like she just stops over all the time. Lisa's like, sit down, darling. Lisa must have permanent lighting at this point. - I just always, I'm just waiting for the day when Sheena walked in and those damn swans started attacking her. - Oh my God. - I can't believe the swans would peck at me. On my wedding week. - Seriously, Swans? This is my wedding week. I'm a capital. - Why are you listening to me right now? - My favorite movie is The Black Swan. And I don't know why these white swans don't get that. Why are they pecking me? I love their craft. - Oh my God, Sheena. Okay, so she's basically asking Lisa Vanderpump for 300 bottles of free sangria and 300 bottles of free vodka. - Yeah. 'Cause she's like, well, we have a $30,000 budget. - Yeah, we kind of tripled that. I mean, how much does it hold to top cost? - She's like, she's like, listen, beef jerky consulon. We put it on every table. - Give her how much that can't be broadcast. Think about a pack of milk duds and then multiply it pay life by $500. - We're gonna drive off in a monster truck that says just married and that costs $40,000 alone. (both laughing) Okay, so just asking Lisa for free shit. And then the guys start off by doing, of course, the gayest thing ever and going to get their hair done. - Well, first of all, by the way, I love when she knows with Lisa and they're talking about the rehearsal dinner. And Lisa's like, I have no idea why you're getting a rehearsal dinner at Sir. It seems crazy to me. I'm like, lady, I love you, Lisa Vanderpump, but don't play like naive. Like you're not an executive producer and this is your restaurant being shown on TV. Of course, it's gonna be at Sir. - Yeah, but at this point, the show takes place at Sir. We've already seen an ad for the sangria. Lisa doesn't need to be giving all this free shit away. She's already, I wonder if she just charges Bravo for it. Do you think? - I have, no, of course not. Bravo's not gonna pay for that. Listen, to be honest, you know that it was between Sir and Joe's Crab Shack for this rehearsal dinner. (both laughing) And it's just like, I can't afford for the mallets, so I gotta have an at Sir. - There's a new ramen place on Sunset. (both laughing) - I can't fit everyone into Sunset Growl, so we're gonna have it at Sir. - Sunset Growl. - Maxologies box. (both laughing) - The cheesecake factory always has the line sign. Yes, sir, can we go to Sir? - Sizzler? I was thinking about Sizzler, but then I wasn't so sure. It seemed to all be down the budget. Oh my God. - I don't want everybody being able to go back for a second, so. - I was thinking about having rehearsal dinner at Carras, but then I thought no. - I love that Katie, I'm kind of jumping all over 'cause I have notes, but do you want to talk about boys getting haircuts? I don't really, I don't know why I have that in my notes. Except that they're super gay. - Yeah, yes, they want to share this. - And how do you find a straight guy anymore? Like, how do you even know? - Yeah, I know. - Not that guys shouldn't take care of their looks. I'm not saying like straight guys can't take care of themselves. I'm just saying, you know, it's right before the wedding. You're supposed to be at a strip club and taking them to do like fun dude things, you know? You're not supposed to be like fucking talking about your hair and your eyebrows. - Tom's like, hey, Shay, for your bachelor party, we're gonna, I'm gonna, we're gonna deal with strippers. As in, they're gonna strip the hair off your face. We're going to Shorty's barbershop. Kristin? - Kristin? - Kristin. - When I'm getting my hair done, I don't want to talk. The only thing I want to talk about is hair. - Ha! - Kristin! - Kristin! - So, what about, let me see what else happened here. Okay, one thing I noticed is that Katie is hilariously, obviously reading blogs or whatever, like probably paying too much attention to the social media because she is trying to sound less stupid and trying to use really big words. And it just makes me laugh. She's saying, you know, Tom, you know, here, Sheena Marie is getting married and my boyfriend is just blah, blah, blah. I'm saying this and that. And I just don't find that to be a viable excuse any longer. I was like, wow, you go, Katie. - Yeah, she's a viable. - And any longer. - Yeah. (laughs) - She puts big. - She put words together. - Yeah, she's doing really good, but I did feel bad for her because here they are at the wedding and then her man that she's trying to talk into marrying her shows up in some ribbon tie and like yellow plastic glasses, like sunglasses. - Oh, I know. I know, poor Katie, she sort of like, she made a mistake. She hitched her ride onto a cute horse, not a good horse. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's too bad. So, one thing that happened also is that James and Horseface had a conversation because, oh, so Tom told James, he basically told James, right? Like, oh, just so you know, Horseface is crazy and she like texted me, like, hey, I want to come through and hang out, right? Didn't Tom do that? So James and confronted, James then confronted the Horseface, which was a hilarious interaction because James was like, he showed me texts that you sent him and the Horseface was like, seriously? Like, I have the same text, like, yeah, I have the same text, like, so what? As if like, that was like somehow, somehow that made it all right. - Like, that's supposed to make it better. - Like, she's like, yeah, I have the same text. - Yeah, it's true. I do, there are texts, what's your point? Seriously, seriously? Like, oh, never mind, your infidelity is excused because you have texts also. - Yeah. - You have proof that you were in like, like you're being honest at this moment, you know? And then like, she's like, seriously? I wasn't trying to hook up with him. I was trying to just like have like an adult, like normal, like hang out session. And then she's like, she's like, see, I have an emoji. It's like a tongue sticking out emoji. Like, that's not like a sexual emoji. It's like, her case is predicated on that. And then the tongue is sticking out. (laughing) - It's like, I just sent him the tall city bank building emoji that no one really understands why it's on their phone. - Seriously? - Just to say like, you know, building. - Yeah. - Seriously, I sent him the ghost emoji to show that the bad feelings I had are dead and now we're ghosts. - Seriously? - I just sent him the little lady salsa dancing emoji because I wanted him to understand that just because he left me doesn't mean I don't still have rhythm inside me. (laughing) - Seriously, I just sent him an emoji from that last tab that no one uses with all the symbols that are on CD players to show that like, CD players may be dead but our friendship is alive. - Seriously? (laughing) - CD players may be dead but our friendship's not. - Seriously, I just sent him an emoji of the line graph to show that like, our friendship is on the up and up. - Mm, I love when Lisa saw Kristen. She's like, Kristen looked very, very attractive but you can put lipstick on a Kristen but it's still a Kristen. - Yeah. - I'm like, nice to have that planned, Lisa. Nice for her line. It was pretty good, it was still funny though. Yeah, it was still funny though. So then after Horse Base made this whole case based on the emoji, then we got to like, night before the wedding and she now had like her whole bridal party in this room and she's like, I got my bridal party gifts and it was like out of the Tamra Barney collection it was wine glasses that had boobs on them. - And you know those glasses were stolen from Suru too? - Yeah, you know it's from like Suru's-- - And Diane is running around like-- - Has anybody seen the glasses from the bar? Anybody seen them? - Was that Kristen? Kristen, what's new? - Seriously? Sokodik, I did take them and I gave them machina. Sokodik, Diana, Suru's new. - Yeah Diana, Suru said I took them but I did it like, I was a customer at the time so fuck it, what are you gonna do? Call the police on a customer, fuck it all, yelp you bitch. - Sokodik, Sokodik! - That's not the way you're a spiritual film manager. - Oh my God, Kristen. Yeah, those glasses, they're like glasses from Suru with stuff from sticker shops on them and like boobs. - It's like the taste level of Shinamari never fails to sound. She's like, "Guys, I found my wedding planner on Instagram." - She's like, "I found my payback in dollars." - She's like, "Guys, I was inspired by Panera bread "to put boobs on my wine glasses. "It looks like two loaves of Panera bread." "Guys, I went to Playa Comparo and I decided "that I wanted to have something sexy and spicy "like the salsa so I put boobs on wine glasses." - Oh my God. - That girl's so tacky and I love every second of them. And I love how her mom's voice is just like hers, but only higher. - Shinamari, I'm with the camera. (laughing) - In Azusa, it's a tradition to go to Red Robin and fill up your wine glasses with ice cream. So then I put boobs on them to make it like an ally Azusa tradition. Azusa's laugh. - I wanted to bring a little piece of Azusa to those weddings, so I put boobs on your wine glasses. - Everyone's like, "Thanks." Let's see what else happened. Hold on, I'm looking. - Okay, so. - Oh my God, my favorite part of this, I know we're jumping all over the place, but my favorite part of this was when she's talking about getting her cheap ass wedding planner and then she's trying to show us all how controlling she is of her every little detail. And she's like, "All right, let's share this over there." - She's like, "Cause that's where the singers go." - Well, I don't like it because that's weird. Like, have them sit with everybody else. - Well, I don't have step stools. - What's up with the fountain? What fountain's gonna make noise? I want it turned off during the ceremony. (laughing) - Could you imagine right before this ceremony you just hear, "Boom!" (humming) The fountain's gonna stop. - I know. She's like, "Why are there so many chairs?" - I want it to alternate, chair stool, chair stool, chair stool for the audience. (laughing) I want to see people at different levels. - Why is that huge rock right there? That's ridiculous. I don't want a mountain there. Move back. (laughing) I'm already in something. - Yeah, you've really got this under control, Xena. - Yeah. So then it's the day of the wedding and she knows getting her makeup done. And of course, she needs to have some sort of drama because why not? So she's like, "Why are I a second?" All right, just realized I had made a Boudoir album for Shang and it's gonna be his wedding present and I left it at home. Oh my God, I left the Boudoir album at home. What am I gonna do? I'm like, "You know what you're gonna do, bitch? "You're gonna give it to him when you get home." That's all you do. It's the easiest problem to solve. - Also, yeah, Boudoir, like he's not gonna be spanking it at the wedding and also not really an appropriate wedding gift. - Exactly, exactly. But this is the girl who gave everyone a wine glass, Boudoir, except for Katie, who got a red solo cup with a stem. - How about a watch? - It's like, "Hey, I didn't even, "I wasn't even gonna invite you. "I can't believe you're here. "Like, you have a copy, man." - Katie's like, "I know. "Remember when I said I hated you?" She was like, "Yeah, remember when I was like, "your eyes crooked?" I was like, "Yeah, remember when I called you "a stupid skank who I hope to die young?" She was like, "Yeah, you remember when I said "your vagina smells like wet glue?" And she was like, "Yeah, remember when I--" - I was like, "Wow, this relationship really sucks. "Why don't you guys just call it a night? "This does not sound fun." - She's like, "Hey, now that we're really good friends, "go do me a favor. "I left my Boudoir album at the Boudoir album "at the Coudoble Cafe. "Could you get a back from me, please? "Thanks." (laughing) - So she has Kristin go pick up her, like in Boudoir album at the-- - Karma. That's Italian Grill. (laughing) - And for whatever reason that meant that now Kristin is invited to get hair and makeup with everybody. - Yeah. - I'll understand that. - That's basically what it was. She was like, "Yeah, she's like, "I was a thank you." But which is so fake because obviously if Kristin weren't to guess their hair and makeup, she would have already had the hair and makeup, right? Like, wouldn't she-- - Yeah. - Unless the conversation was, Kristin was like seriously, I'll have to do my hair makeup. And then she was like, "Wow, got my Boudoir album "and you're gonna do your hair and makeup, I'm hair." - Heria, I was like, "I don't feel safe." (laughing) - I don't feel safe having her around curling iron when I'm in the same room. (laughing) I don't feel safe at all. And then, meanwhile, over with the men, Shay is getting dressed. And I guess, did Tom get him that blazer that said "Shay" on the collar, right? Did Tom do that for him? - Yeah, Shay got him used like white. He got Shay stitched on the back, so he'll flip up their collar, it says "Shay." - So then, Tom has a really profound moment where he's like, "You know, nothing feels better "than doing something really cool for a really cool person." - Kristin! - Kristin! - Yeah. - Called "Humanity Dick." - Yeah. - I like when Shay said, "I feel like I'm getting dressed for my funeral right now." The men on this show have a way with words. It's like a very, very romantic way with words. - Yeah, he's like, "You know, make this situation a lot better "is if I had a Boudoir album of Sheena." - I wish I could spank it to Sheena's pictures right before the wedding. - Yeah, that would be really great. So then, because they basically were scraping the bottom of the barrel to create any sort of drama, we had this-- - And they were walking around the wedding venue, not being able to find the bridal suite. - Exactly, that's what-- - Where's my planner? - And then the mom's like, "Seriously, seriously?" - That's what I was gonna say. They were like, "We had five minutes of Sheena "walking around a mansion." And she's like, "I don't know where to go." - Oh, but her mom going, "Seriously, seriously." - I died with that fucking gigantic Azuzu weave. She was like, "I'm buying my weave in Azusa "because I'm not paying those LA prices for a weave." - She's like, "I knew we should have had this wedding "at Azusa's pizza. "I knew it." - Sheena, what part of unlimited, don't you understand? (laughing) - What's happening in pizza right now? - Who cares if you forgot your wedding gift as long as you give them unlimited pizza, that's all I really want in life anyway, seriously? - You could have made him a Boudoir pizza. - Gosh, she should have. The Boudoir pictures should just be like, sheena holding different flavors of pizza. (laughing) - Would you like jalapeno or anchovy? You can have 'em both. (laughing) - We had a threesome last night. jalapeno, I'm jalapeno, I'm probably kitchen clung. - We have extra cheese. (laughing) - I put olives on my pizza and I didn't feel bad about it because then on the next one, I put silesange. (laughing) - I had an olive pizza, then I had a sausage pizza, then I had a pepperoni pizza, and then for my fourth one, I had an olive pepperoni sausage pizza. - That's to make sure he climaxes by the end of reading my Boudoir book. I ended it with one of Domino's mudslide cakes. - The Boudoir album is actually a bunch of pictures in a pizza box from CC's. (laughing) - CC's pizza opened in El Paso, Texas. - Oh my God. People were acting like it was the best fine dining experience. Everybody was, there was like a line to get into CC's and they had someone standing by the door in case someone tried to take pizza out because of course. (laughing) El Paso, fucking everybody's coming in, putting shit in boxes and like plastic bags and trying to take it. - Well good what? - No, it's to go. - Like no, no, sorry, ma'am. - Well it goes on in CC's stays in CC's. (laughing) - You are not allowed to take this experience into the outside world. - The magic of CC's must stay pristine. (laughing) Keep it all indoors. - Okay, remember CC's being pretty good actually. - I've actually never been and I would go. I'm not above CC's, let me tell you that much. So, okay. Meanwhile, so then the guests start to arrive and that's when we see Jax and Jax arrives with Carmen. Mine, mine, mine. - Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. - Carmen's like, yeah, you know, Carmen's not my date but she's really making it work for me, you know, or making me work for it. So I've got to put on a little of that Jax and Charm. - Yeah, I'm like, is that what we're calling genital warts now, Jax Charm? (laughing) She's gonna love it, it's gonna feel like ribbed. Ribbed for her pleasure, man. - Yeah, it's a little reminder of me. - This isn't a disease. I got this down to my penis on purpose to please you, baby. - It's a 3D tattoo. (laughing) - That I can grow on you. (laughing) And then I love then then Jax had this moment where he starts talking about that he can't believe George Clooney would marry a human rights lawyer. He's like, that's so boring, who wants that? He's like, yeah, you know, I'm gonna go the Clooney way. You know, I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna wait and just like hold it out. Get my human rights lawyer or whatever. When, what planet do you think you're on that you're anywhere similar to George Clooney? - Yeah. - Fucking bartender. (laughing) You're a bartender in West Hollywood with a face like a chipmunk, stop it. - Yeah, and do you even know what a human rights lawyer is? (laughing) - Do you even know what human rights are? - He probably thinks it's a lawyer who's a human who also has, he's also right handed. - Mm. (laughing) - He's a human rights lawyer, right? (laughing) Or, or he just thinks it's a human who knows how to write lawyer. (laughing) - I don't know why it's so impressive that George Clooney is dating someone human rights lawyer. - I write lawyer. I can write lawyer. - And he can't. - He can't. What else happened on this? - Well, I can tell you, I have a lot of notes. So, okay, so then, at one point, I just have a note that she said this, I don't even remember when or why she said it, but she goes, "I have the hottest bridal party ever." (laughing) Like, you don't, that's okay. (laughing) Oh, and then she was like, so then she must bust out her wedding dress. We finally have to see the wedding dress. That Aunt D made, and she's like, so she goes, "I wear crop tops all the time, that's like my thing." So, as a result, crop tops are my thing. They're kind of my thing. - It's like when I have a crop top wedding dress. - And you know what's awesome? Tons of girls are gonna get those now. - I know. Tons of girls in the zoo's it, at least. - Yeah, or places like them. - But it's also like, since when did crop tops become her thing? That's like-- - That's my thing. - That's like in Big Brother over the summer when Kayla, all of a sudden, was like, "Yee-haw, that's my catchphrase, that's my catchphrase, "that's my thing," right, and everyone was like, "You've never said 'Yee-haw' once this entire summer." (laughing) - I'm just like, "Yeah, crop tops are like my thing." That's like being like, you know, like pants are like my thing. It's like, you wear a crop top-- - I'm gonna wear pants. - You wear a crop top in Los Angeles. It's not that unique. - My thing is spring. So, I was like, "I'm gonna do something crazy "and have a spring wedding, 'cause that's my thing." - She's like, "My thing is that I like to wear a thong." So, the bottom part of my wedding dress is just a thong. Honestly, that was the biggest shocker that it wasn't. I would not have been surprised at all if that was like, hot pants and a crop top. - Yeah. - Okay, so then she has her friend-- - What's her friend, Faith? - Her friend singing at the wedding. - Oh, yeah, she was like the former, she was the former Serum player from like season one. - Yeah. - I think it was the name of Tina. And she's like, she starts singing some weird, maybe French songs, she's like, "Ooh." They only show, I guess 'cause they didn't wanna pay rights for the songs, they just-- - I can't help falling in love with you. - I don't know who it was, but they just kept on showing the same note. She's like, "Ooh." And then, Tina starts to freak out because first of all, they're 10 minutes behind schedule. She's like, "That's six times." - Yeah, she's singing, "I'm falling in love with you in French or what?" Or is it full, oh yeah, full's rush in, which is hilarious 'cause she and is like, "This time says full's rush in, I'm not rushing in." - It's all happening, like mine tattoo. - Yeah, it's all happening 'cause they were like-- - So she starts, well, though, she starts freaking, well, even before that happens, there was a weird thing where the groom had to come through, so she didn't have to be in a closet. And she's like, "There's no air conditioning in here." It was like, she was like freaking out about the, it was like, to me, it was like a national, it should've been like a national moment of celebration that she was trapped in a closet with no air conditioning. It's like, finally, we solved it. - It's all been a plot to get seen in a trap. - Yeah, we did it. We got her hold away in a closet. - Don't unlock the door! - Yes, keep her in there. - Jane Rips off his mask. - Yeah, and then, and then, yeah, so then the singer starts to sing and she just starts to freak out. She's like, "I have to be at a certain place, "at a certain time song. "I like the song, it doesn't make sense at all." I'm like, "I don't think anyone really cares." - Yeah, I don't think that anyone was listening to those lyrics. - Yeah, I don't think I'm listening to those lyrics. - ♪ Shift low, shift low ♪ - ♪ Shift low, shift low ♪ - ♪ Shift low, shift low ♪ - What the fuck? Why is she singing this song? Who picked this? Is this another wedding planner issue? - It was, it was. It was the $3,000 wedding planner from Instagram. She messed something else up. - Poor poor girl, they have to sing that. - I know. - She will quicken ass, and they're just like, ♪ Sing it again ♪ (laughing) - Oh God. By the way, for those of you guys who are Hills fans, I hope you all noticed that Stacey from The Hills was Sheena's Bridesmaid. So that was fun. Also, then I have a horse face number two said, "Sheena looks like a crop top bridge angel." Is that the? What does that mean, bridge angel? Did I ever mistype that? - A bridge angel? - I'd probably mistype something. It was probably autocorrect. Maybe like one of those like gargoyle things from in front of the Ghostbusters library. - I have a feeling my autocorrect turns something from whatever to bridge. I don't know. Anyway, they got married. (laughing) They got married. Seriously, seriously. - Oh, did you notice Rachel and Brandon in the back row? It's like poor Rachel and Brandon, why are they in the back? - Wait, Rachel and Brandon? - Yeah, they were in the back row of the wedding. - Wait, who are Rachel and Brandon? How dare you? I can't, why can't I think of it? - They were a big brother. - They were there. (laughing) - I didn't notice them at all. I was looking for Katie, 'cause Katie said that she was there. Our Katie and Katie Kazurla. - Oh, really? - Yeah, she went to the wedding. But I didn't see it anywhere. Oh. - And then she finally did it. - I wish we got to see the wedding. Like the ceremony. Did we see them do vows? - Yeah, remember they alternated back and forth. She was like, "I don't know how old." - And then she was like, "Do this move." - How did I miss that? I watched the whole thing. - Was it boring? And then they did it quickly. - I wrote this song for you. - Yeah. - In the club, in the club, my ass is jumping shy. In the club, your eyes are pretty as-as-as. Quat my ass takes together, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. As-as-as-as-as forever. - It's like that. You're way above me in hotness. And I like that you love me, even though I don't really have a good job. So, I do. - Yay, done, done, done, done, done, done. - I promise to love and respect you to deathness and darkness and life and death and sickness and health. And forever, and I will always take you to the on-the-boarder, Mexican Grill and Cantina. It's a song right now, love. - I will always think of you as I swallow a C-C. - I love you, babe. Every time we go to Bojangles' famous chicken and biscuits, I'm always gonna remember the love we shared on this day. - I'll never forget our first date at Long John Silver's. When I told you, "What are you, Long John Silver's here?" (laughing) - Every time I go to a water burger, I'm gonna think to myself, "What a shag." (laughing) - Every time I drink a frosty, I think, please remember what this happened to me and shag. I love you, babe. (laughing) - Please don't let this be the same. - Oh, weddings, weddings. - Well, we have not discussed it, Manta, but it's time for me to get moving on with my life today. - Oh, you have a heart out, which is, that's what's-- - Well, I do, and I didn't mention it earlier, damn it, and I should have, so we could have tried to squeeze A-T-L in there, too. - It's okay, because nothing really happened on Atlanta this week that I can even think of. I mean, there was a moment between Claudia and Portia, and Portia was obnoxious, and Cynthia and Leon were listening to their daughter, and once again, he had to think why did Cynthia ever leave Leon? He's so gorgeous. Oh, Candies, oh, the one thing that was amusing was that Candies, "Mother's love was canceled," which pissed me off 'cause I would have seen it, and she's like, "All right, just see, see, now." "Rada, I feel so responsible for all the people working on the tour." - Yeah, on me, did you? (laughing) - And Todd's like, "Well, they count on me, too." And she's like, "Well, see, now, they count on me." It's like, Todd, people, it's not your reputation at all. No one, you have no reputation, it's Candie. - Yeah, I've yet to see anybody count on you. - Yeah. - Including Candie. Except in this case, she did, and that was a problem, 'cause she's like, "Dome one, and..." Watch his buns, made all the arrangements. (laughing) - And Dom, and Dom one's just laughing. He's like, "Ooh, Todd messed up." (laughing) - He's like, "Told you." - Yeah. (laughing) - And then all that stuff happening with Phaedra, what the hell, it looks like she's having an affair or something, or at least that's what's coming up in the... - Yeah. - That's what's coming up next week. Can't wait. - Yeah. - Phaedra stuff is getting really awkward. Apollo's coming home with being all violent and stuff. - Yeah, that was reported on the news that he went, 'cause that was the day he was supposed to report to Jayon and said he went home, and he like stormed through the home, and it was scary. - Yeah. - So yeah, so sorry, everyone, if you wanted us to get into Atlanta, we just... - I'm feeling... - We just didn't... - Ryan's gotta go. - It's my fault. - It's his fault, and luckily, nothing happened this week, anyway. So anyway, thanks everyone for listening. Remember to follow us on Facebook.com/forward. Watch for Crap-ins. All sorts of talk about Atlanta there, if you need to get some, get your Atlanta shade. And patreon.com/watchforcrap-ins. If you feel like supporting us, it really goes a long way. Every dollar counts. - Yeah, everybody, next week is our Google Hangout, Thursday night, 6 p.m. Eastern time. We will be doing a fun online party with whoever wants to show up on there. So just go to patreon.com/watchforcrap-ins to find out how. - Yeah, all right. Bye, everyone. - Bye, everyone. It's time to do our taxes. - Yeah. - Which means it's time to get a refund. - Yeah. - So if you're expecting a refund this year, head to Walmart and pick up a Walmart money card. With free direct deposit, you can get your refund fast. Just enter the card's number on your tax return form. If you're owed a refund, you'll get the money directly deposited onto your card. Don't wait by the mailbox, get your money fast. - Yeah. - Start strong, save big at tax time, Walmart. - Purchase monthly and other fees apply. 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