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When she says she doesn't need flowers, she means you better get me flowers. You think I'm gonna stay with somebody who doesn't get me flowers? Proflowers are guaranteed to last seven days of your money back. So it's a no-brainer. The longer you wait, the harder it is to find roses at this price. Go to proflowers.com, click on the blue microphone in the top right corner, and type in Sideshow. That's proflowers.com. Click on the microphone and type in Sideshow. Order today. This deal expires Friday at midnight darlings. Do not leave your post. Go to proflowers.com. Click on the blue microphone in the top right corner, and type in Sideshow. Darlings, do not leave your post. Happy Valentine's Day. (upbeat music) Hey everybody, welcome to Watch what Crap is. The podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV, and I'm joined by the lovely, thin, gorgeous, and taken Ben Mandelker. - Right. - recent vlog in the banter blender. - Hi Ronnie. - Snap. - How's it goin'? - Snap. - How's it goin'? - You can find us, you can find all our social media, adweses, and our website stuff, and blah, blah, blah, information on watch what Crap is.com. - Yeah. - You can also come to Facebook.com/watch what Crap is, and that's where we talk to everybody. Everybody just gets on there and posts articles and talks shit about the shows as they air. It's really fun, it's a whole community of hilarious people who, whose comments we will be reading throughout the show today, because they've been making us laugh so fucking hard this week. So, opening with an F-bomb, that's great. It's very classy. - Very classy, it's like Brandy Glendale hosting the show. - That was yesterday. - Oh. - Oh, I think that, oh, also, if you wanna support this podcast, monetarily, you don't have to, we will always stay free, but if you want extras like our weekly bonus episodes that are 20 minutes to 30 minutes or so. - We just talked about celebrity apprentice. - Yeah, we just had a good laugh over celebrity apprentice in this week's bonus, and we just talk about whatever we want and just laugh our asses off every week. But that's really fun, so there's bonus episodes, there's ringers, there is a monthly Google Hangout where we just basically, you guys come and we have a party on the internet. And we laugh our butts off. So go to patreon.com/watchwickcrapins. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com/watchwickcrapins. And comment support, guys. - Means a lot to us. - Yeah, thank you so much for everybody who's doing that. So, let's get on with today's show. There wasn't as much to watch this week. - Okay, 'cause it's what there was to watch this week. - What there was? - Yeah, but what there was was some funny, funny shit. - What they was, it was good. - It was some good shit this week. - Oh, it really was. I felt like one of those sharks dancing at the Super Bowl, I was so happy. - Nope. - You didn't watch Super Bowls, you have no idea what happened. - Nope. - It's a giant. That's okay, only the biggest thing in pop culture. - What happened? - Katie Perry sang and she had dancing sharks behind her and dancing beach balls, and I actually really enjoyed it. - Andy Cohen, because I caught a little of Watch What Happens Live. Wow, way to still be terrible. - Way to not improve at your job at all, ever. I love it. I watched Watch What Happens when he had Kristen and Tom. Tom? - Oh, you mean Katie and Tom. Horseface two and-- - Oh, Horseface number two and Tom. - Seriously? - I had to watch that, 'cause that just happened to come on after Vanderpoopers. - Yeah. - And Andy Cohen rolled his eyes the whole time at his guests, called them liars basically, and treated them like total trash, which they are. - They are. - Yeah. - But as the host of the shows, it was a little awkward. But anyway, Andy Cohen took credit for the sharks. He said that that was his gay shark that she was dancing with. - What is he talking about? He's ridiculous. You know, here's the thing. - Let me talk about something else Andy Cohen did. And said, just last night on Watch What Happens. I can't even say that. - I love that we make Andy Cohen this controversial figure when he's really just some like totally innocent gay guy who does nothing. - I know. And I think he's probably like super nice. I mean, we always say it. - Yeah, he does seem like he's super nice. He's just really annoying. - But he does like, he does jackass things on his show. - Yeah, he does. - So, and this is a good segue. This will lead into Beverly Hills. So he sort of like had a quote unquote teachable moment on Watch What Happens last night. 'Cause he was saying. - He was a cold bat. It probably was cold. - And it had like a little, it had like a little, the more you know star, which is funny. - Oh, oh, oh, oh. - Katy Perry flew off and the more you know shooting star at this new ball just to bring it all back. But he was like, he's like, "Hey, I just wanna talk, shout out to all my housewives and say, you know, like the basis is like, stop referring to gays as my gays." He's like, 'cause we're not like animals. If you said like my blacks, it'd be super offensive. So think about it that way and yada, yada, yada. So I had like mixed feelings about it because on the one hand, I get it's actually an expression of endearment. Believe, you know, even if it is kind of patronizing. So I get it. I know it doesn't come from a bad place. I think Kathy Griffin was the one who really started saying my gays, right? Wasn't she the one on like my life on the D list was always like, my gays, my gays, my gays, right? - Yeah. - So I get that and I think he's right, you know, because I did get this sense when I was watching that gay mixer on Beverly Hills. There was something kind of like, like I felt like a bunch of moms bringing their kids to a play day, you know, which sort of was like, it felt weird, you know? But that being said, I also don't feel like Andy Cohen has a like to stand on. Like you can't sit here and profit off of like, sort of objectifying all these ridiculous women and making like them a circus. - And gay people. - And gay people and going out like, "Oh, they're, you know, they're the housewives, whatever." And then all of a sudden you're like, "Oh, don't like, don't basically use these umbrellas." - The only time Andy Cohen ever takes a stamp on fucking anything is if it's something gay. He's like some gay advocate. And meanwhile, he's a total misogynist and basically homophobe. Like he puts the worst gays on TV ever and does nothing but mock women and talk about their breast surgery and shit. I was like, he's really, I don't know, I don't wanna hear it from him. I know a lot of people felt that way and I cringe when it's Kyle because you know that Kyle's just trying so hard. She's like that friend in Texas. I think I mentioned her last week who was like, "We don't know a lot of people like you, "but we sure love you." - It's like, "Wow, you're so hip." And every time she posts something about referencing me on Facebook or something, she's like, "My gay friend, Ronnie. "Oh, you know, this is my gay best friend." You know, she's one of the, and she doesn't mean any harm. She's just ignorant. And that's kind of how I feel with Kyle. And I don't get offended. Andy gets offended at everything. I think we need to stop it. Like if gays wanna stop being called my gays, then maybe we should stop hanging around with rich ladies because they're fabulous and sarcastic and acting like sidekicks because all of those faggots on that show were acting like little sidekicks. So I don't even wanna hear it. And every gay on the housewives acts like a little sidekick and shows up and kisses ass so they can get on TV and they act like fucking pets and caricatures. So, you know, if we wanna be treated like normal people, maybe we should like act like one and not throw parties about being bottoms and getting fucked in the ass because everybody's such a sissy. I mean, come on, like, what's more offensive? Honestly, is it the gay guy saying, "Oh, there's not enough bottoms." And I mean, there's not enough cotton with pallywett. It's all bottoms. And talking about fucking constantly. Like, is that more offensive to gay people or someone, you know, wanting to have a party for them. Like, what's more offensive? You know, like fucking get it together, gay people and stop your complaining. Like, I'm not gonna get into that victim mode. Everybody else is doing it and I think we've had our time. Like, let's do what we do best. Be fabulous and fuck people in the butt. (laughing) - Let's stop being so precious all the time. It's like, we build all our humor around ass jokes and then we get precious when someone calls us theirs. Like, shut up. - Yeah, I mean, that's why I said I had mixed feelings because on the one hand, you know, if someone were to say, like, "Oh my God, I'm just gonna go out with all my girls." That's not offensive at all. It explains what you're doing. You're going out with your girls. So I think that's why it's probably not totally proper logic to say, "Oh, let me go out with all my blacks." Because that doesn't-- - That's not the same. - That's not the same. But the thing is, it could be interpretive. If you say, "I'm gonna go out with my gays," someone might be meaning it like, "I'm gonna go out with my girls." But instead, it might be interpretive at-- - That's what it means. That's what, I think you're right. That's what it means. - Yeah, I never took it. I never took it as something like the same as like, "Let's go out with like all my blacks." I never saw it as something like that. However, that being said, so Lance Bass was on the show last night. And he was like, "It's funny." He basically said that mixer, it was like watching a bunch of-- It was like, it's like all the gay guys like need to have leashes on them or something like that. - Oh please, we've seen how Lance Bass asked around his women, his Lisa Vanderpumpson, his Leah Blacks. That guy does nothing but hang out with the rich old ladies who kiss his ass and fawn all over him and treat him like a little pet. So please Lance Bass, get over yourself. You act like one of those pets. - But that being said, I did see, honestly, when I was watching this mixer, there was something that kind of was like, it was like a little, it did feel like a little strange. There was a strange energy about it. It wasn't, it sort of made gays seem like these, like these kind of like mindless like kids. But to be fair-- - Oh, those were West Hollywood kids who are mindless gays. Like that's what they were. When that assistant of Kyle, not the gay ploy, he's very sweet, but the one at the store. - Yeah, yeah. - When he's like, girl, where's this dressing? Oh my God, guys, we need to get some talks for all the bottoms. - I was like, oh my God, it's just gonna be another fucking twink fest with 30 year olds of bleached hair and like bleached anal butts. - Like bleached, that's no pain, this is, are gonna like a party and just talk mean about each other and try and get some. Like, I don't know. I guess it's because we live here, but I'm kind of over that. - Well, you know, there's, again, they're not all gay people are juvenile and ridiculous. - Exactly, but there's like a lot of them here 'cause this is a gay party. - But the thing is, it's true. I mean, what you're saying is right. I think maybe that's why I was, I had this such a weird reaction to it because it did feel, again, like, it was like a bunch of women brought their dogs to a dog park or like, you know, like kids on a play day, you know. Again, because I think ultimately it's true that people who were invited, there is, I don't know, I don't even wanna say that they were all juvenile 'cause they weren't all juvenile, but there is that vibe, that there's that very strong vibe sometimes in WeHo and certain sections of WeHo, not all of WeHo, West Hollywood, but certain sections. And it was like, it just was funny to me that this guy was like, there's a shortage of tops in West Hollywood and we need to mix her, and we need to have like, you know, like the sort of gays that you bring to a dinner party and who shows up at the mixer? It's like all bottoms and the ones you don't bring to a dinner party. - Yeah, I did love that phrase. Like, it's not the ones who are at the Abbey, it's the guys who are like the dinner party gays, that you want us to bring. - I thought that was really cute. - Excuse me. - But, you know, like, I'm not like railing against gay culture or anything. I'm just saying that in this neighborhood, particularly, it's like going to Mardi Gras and then complaining that people are showing you their tits. - Yeah. - Like that's what happens. So it's super stupid of me to even complain about this neighborhood 'cause it's like moving, you know, I moved right into the center of it. So I'm not even complaining. I'm just saying that's the stereotype. I mean, the stereotype is there for a reason. There's a lot of horrors. The bars are filled with a lot of horrors and like just being obnoxious, bleaching, everything on them, getting wax and spray tanned and being, you know, spreading a lot of disease. - I know. I guess, so it's an interesting question, which is, should the housewives be scolded for calling the gays saying like, "Oh, I'm called up my gays," or should their gay friends be scolded for actually perpetuating this idea? Because I'll tell you one thing, like none of my girlfriends ever say, "Oh, I'm gonna call it my gay." And I mean, I wouldn't care if they did, to be honest. I wouldn't, but they don't do it because they're, you know, I don't think, I think it's because I'm not the sort of gay and like, and I think a lot of my like closer gay friends are not the sort of gays that sort of perpetuate that idea, like, "Okay, girlfriend, like I'm your gay." Like, you know? - Well, my girlfriends and I definitely have like gay nights where it's like, "Okay, you know, tonight is gay night," because I go to so many straight places and they're like, "Okay, it's gay night, yeah." And they come out and they act like it's gay night. Like we get shit faced, we have fun, we get bitchy. So we do that. - Of course, everyone does. - I don't know, I'm just, I feel like no one should be scolded. I feel like the gay guys are totally allowed to be total whores and party and have fun 'cause that's where they live. And the women should be allowed to party and have fun with their gays. And there is such a thing as women's gays and I'm one of them, you know? I am one of the women's gays. I have lots of women who I'm their gay. And that's never been a problem for us. So, I mean-- - You know, I agree. I think that Andy should not have scolded. And I think, but I do think though, that sometimes though the women like have to, like the women and the gay men have to sort of like up their game. Like the women have to maybe not treat them like children and the gay guys sort of have to be a little bit more mature. And we can all learn, we can all grow. - That's all about that. - Let's all have a learning moment. - But I just have mixed feelings, that's all. I just have mixed feelings. - Yeah, I mean, I guess I do too. Most obviously my feelings don't sound very mixed and they're really not, but it's just because it's Kyle. So, part of me wants to be offended because it's Kyle and she makes me fucking crazy. So, part of me is like, "Yeah, she should be mad." But, I mean, no, I don't really find it offensive. - Kyle is on my good side right now. I'm pro Kyle 'cause season one Kyle is back. - Not me, I think Kyle's an awful human being. Although I did love watching her jump into her closet or like jump up to get a purse. You know, Kyle's one of those people that I really want to be behind. She's bitchy, she's sarcastic, she's rude. She, you know, she's everything I love in a person, but she's not clever. She can't think of any, she's never had a good fight in her whole life. She can't think of enough things to say. Like, she's been working herself up to have a fight with Brandy now for two weeks. And the only piece of, the only thing she could say was, "You come between me and my sister, you're mean." Which is my favorite thing of Kyle to say, "You're mean." And then her other thing, which is like, "What, every Brandy?" Remember when you said last year about my husband? It's like, what are you even talking about last year? You've been best friends with her since last year. You asshole. Like after you tried to bring Lisa down and totally were best friends with her when she was gonna be your partner in crime for that. But that didn't work. And now you need a storyline and a friend. So you're gonna suddenly be nice to Lisa and start with Brandy over this. Give me a break. No, so here is why I'm like down with Kyle. So she's not the most glib. That is for sure. She's probably not even the smartest of these women. But what I do like is that when she was finally able to put away the facade, when she's really angry and when she's like just pissed off, she's real. I feel like she's just like, that's like a real emotion that's happened. She can't control herself. And it's like, I like that. I am like, I like when people are being authentic on TV and she's just like, fuck you, you're not wanted. Get out of my face. It's like, yes, finally you should be saying that. It's more like, I guess my reaction is more like, yeah, you were like being friends with Brandy and now you're seeing what happens when you're friends with Brandy and get mad. You should be mad and I'm glad you're mad. I'm glad you're like, this is happening to you because you're learning your lesson. So I'm like, I'm pro at, I'm pro Kyle. - Yeah, but she's just so bad. Like she goes up to Brandy to start fighting and all she can do is wave her finger in her face and go, you're mean. It's like that could have been so good but Kyle's too stupid to fight. - No, I liked it 'cause it's just like, you know, undiluted anger. I mean, she was wrong. I mean, she, when she was like, I just want to apologize for putting like, pushing her hand down, but that was not the topic. - Yeah, she was totally going for five at her own party. You know, she throws a party. Then she totally goes for the jugular at the party and then when Brandy is not reacting really, I mean, 'cause for Brandy, that was pretty much a non-reaction. Yes, she got in her face and threatened to punch her teeth out. But for Brandy, that was pretty calm because then she walked away and stood over on the side and kind of watched with her gay. - But you didn't-- - Which I'm sorry if that is her gay because she walks around with him like a little purse monkey and he loves it. - He says nothing except-- - Please, he lives with her, he's like her friend employee. He lives with her and does her hair for rent. I mean, give me a break. - But-- - No offense. - I mean, you can't, you can't deny that. I mean, Kyle, I liked when Kyle's, when I'm sorry, when Brandy said like, step away from me, otherwise I am going to punch your teeth out and Kyle's like, I know you, yeah, because that's the sort of girl you are. I mean, that was a good lie, I like that. That was good. - I just, I can't with Kyle because I think it's disgusting. Obviously, Kim has been fucked up this whole time. I don't think Kim, Kim has made me have like a week sobriety. - Wait, wait, wait, wait. I love that Kim who had to go, she had like a hernia and was in pain from the hernia and then like to show that she was suffering from the hernia, she like coughs. I'm like, coughing is not a symptom of hernia. (laughing) I've had a hernia, okay? I've had emergency hernia surgery before. It doesn't cause it to have like-- - It was pretty funny when Brandy is like-- - I don't even know what a hernia is. I mean, what is a hernia and Kim's like-- (laughing) She had no idea what a fucking hernia is. Give me a break. She didn't even know how long she was in the hospital. Okay, that whole scene with Kim. So this is how the episode starts. For those of you who didn't want it. - Well, let's start from the beginning. - It basically, actually I don't remember the very beginning, but it, one of the first scenes was Brandy going over to Kim's. Okay? So we're in the Val at this tiny little sadly or whatever. And Kim is in her Target PJs, but she's got a full face of makeup and a huge wig. I mean, that thing was humongous. - Wait, and by the way, I just wanna say, this whole opening sequence was like, this was like Christopher Nolan's version of Beverly Hills Housewives. It was like takes place in the future and the past. At the same time, both times in the game, it was like the timeline was so crazy. It was like ultra postmodern. - Yeah, it's like, let's start with the dead body in the pool and work backwards. (laughing) And Brandy's like, well, you know, I just worry about you because your sister doesn't love you. And I mean, she's obviously just want you dead. And I mean, you know, your whole family hates you and you're an embarrassment to everybody. And I just wanna be here for you, you know, because everybody else thinks you're just gonna die young. And Kim's like, you're such a good friend to me. (laughing) - Kim's like propped up on some pillow with this plastic hair falling out all over the place and a full face of makeup, obviously stoned off her ass. Like, thanks, Brandy, thanks. - Unlock your imagination with Audible when you listen to audio content in your mind as free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Plus, a great narrator can really take things to the next level. There's more to imagine when you listen. - Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts and discover new perspectives, all while multitasking or relaxing. Right now, I'm listening to our friend Elena Urkhart's "The Butcher Game." It's a sequel, it's fantastic, it's a serial killer cat mouse. I absolutely love her, I love what she's done, and it's really cool and very beautifully told on the Audible version. - And as an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. - New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text-crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text-crapins to 500-500. - This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. - We're back to tell you more about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit, stream max with ads included at no extra cost. - You know what's a great night for us? Ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the max original hacks. Which won best comedy, deservedly so, and we'd love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart, but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu who also is a huge Bravo fan. - Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks, but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza, sometimes it's a salad, and I can get both with DoorDash. - How about some ice cream? That's what I like to eat with my hacks. - 100%, I will double dash, I will get a salad and then double dash some ice cream, why not? Sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost. - It's your door to more. Max has now included with your dash pass annual plan, stream max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. - Terms apply, see doorDash.com/maxfor details. - Oh, you back, I'm back? - Oh yeah, did I lose you? - Oh, I hope there wasn't a block there. But you notice how I'll just keep going. - Yeah, you just keep talking. - Yeah, but Kim was like, "Ah, yeah, the first thing I know is this pain." And I found this pain and then I was like, feeling something and so I looked down and I felt pain. And then I was like, "Oh my God, this is so painful." And then this pain started and then I got pain. And Brandi's like, "Oh my God, the pain." And I know the pain, right? She's like, "Oh, I have that pain." And then I had pneumonia and a cold and hip and pain. It was pain. Brandi's like, "Oh, the pain," right? "Oh, the pain." - If they said the pain, they just kept saying the pain over and over. And then supposedly Kim went to the hospital because she was coughing. It had nothing to do with being shit face the night before on whatever single pill she took. - Right, which by the way, even Brandi, even Brandi had to come and sense to say, "Kim, you can't just take a pill that's meant for cancer. "You could have been allergic to it." And Kim's like, "Huh?" She's like, "No, I had a herniated lung in my foot." (laughs) - I have a hang nail. My lung has a hang nail in it and it's pain. It's just all I feel is pain. - I saw it a hang nail in my pancreas. (laughs) - It was all and I went to see the movie premiere of "How to Train Your Dragon 2." I was gonna be so good in that movie, but then I got there and I felt pain and I had to go home. What's that good in it? - I was watching Harry's house of pain and I was like, "I feel pain too. "I'm in a house, someone at the hospital." - Oh, Kim, poor thing. And obviously Kim's still in complete denial. She's obviously using. So it's kind of depressing because you feel duped even though I never believed she was sober for one second anyway. You still feel kind of duped because you're rooting for the girl. I know it doesn't sound like we are, but we don't want her to end up in some ditch somewhere. You're always rooting for someone like that to get their shit together. But still Kim cannot bring herself to ever take responsibility for one single thing or tell the truth about anything. And she's just bringing everybody down with her. Of course, she even likes Brandy. Brandy's like, "No, you're not an alcoholic. "You just take Kyle, right? "You just wanna kill Kyle, right? "It's all Kyle's fault, right?" - You know what? Cindy C. on our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchmorecraphens. Cindy C. made a really interesting comment. She says, "I'm not a Kyle fan, "but I'm starting to understand her a bit. "I'd be angry too if my entire life "was spent trying to hide yet help my sister's addiction. "It gets exhausting. "She has a life, a family, "nieces and nephews to enjoy. "Yet until three years ago, Kim wasn't sober. "Brandy comes in and after six months says "Kyle was never there for her and doesn't understand "and Kim seems to agree with her. "I seriously doubt Kim remembers much of anything. "She didn't even remember the day "she saw Kyle in tonight's episode." And that's a really, really good point. And then Adriana, Adriana, I'm sorry. Your name is all sorts of, has all sorts of Polish cinema. (laughs) Great job. She says, "Thank you, I've been in Kyle's position, "so all of this bothers me on a different level. "We're watching her realize her sister is not well, "she looks like she's going to cry "when Kim was insisting that we'll get to that. "But there's a reason why there's AA groups "for just for family of alcoholics." 'Cause that's true, I mean, for Brandy to sit there and like, stroke Kim and say, "Well, Kyle doesn't, Kyle rejected you, "but I'm here for you." When Kyle has probably done so many small things for years, you know, to help Kim or contain Kim or keep it together for years and years and years. So like, maybe Kyle doesn't answer the phone once and then all of a sudden she's not there, she's not there for her, but Brandy is. Like, that's fucked up. And I've actually been in that position too. Or a friend in that position. And it's like, it's so infuriating when you are supporting someone who's in, like you are giving, you're sitting there on the phone listening to someone for 45 minutes that they talk only about themselves. And then, you know, all of a sudden you do something that you need something from them. And they say, "You're so selfish. "You always need da da da da da da." I mean, it's awful. - Yeah, I agree. I mean, I'm not gonna, just because I don't like Kyle, I'm not gonna say, "Well, Kim's right and Kyle's wrong. "Kim is just wrong. "She's a drunk, she's an addict. "She needs to get some fucking help. "She's ridiculous. "She's making an ass out of herself again." The problem I have with Kyle is that Kyle knows this about her sister. When she got her job, her job on the show, it was because she was sick of taking care of Kim. Kim needed an income. She was broke. And so Kyle got her a job on a reality show where she knew cameras would be following her around while she's wasted. Okay, so that's the first, okay? But since I don't like bringing shit up from past seasons, I'll stick with this one. Kyle knows that her sister is not sober. Everybody knows that. Like, if we know it from just watching an hour of TV when Kim's in only five minutes of every episode, if that, we can all tell that she's still drunk. So everybody basically knows on set that this bitch is still drunk, which is why she's never on camera, because they probably have something where they're not putting her on camera when she's like that, or at least had something. Kyle is purposely starting stuff with Kim involved, trying to get her to do this shit on TV because it makes everybody realize that Kyle is the real victim. Now, as somebody who understands what it's like to be in that situation, I get that Kyle to a point is a victim, 'cause it's not easy having someone in your life who's like that, okay? But no, you know, Kyle, no, you're not a victim. Be strong enough and don't put you someone who's sick in the position of looking like that on TV over and over again and making it worse. Like, fighting with Brandy is one thing, but getting in Kim's face when she's obviously drunk and not remembering what day it is and saying, fuck you and you're a bad sister and this and that and putting a finger in her face and trying to get her to fight at this party, when she came up and Kim started trying to cry, but it was too drunk to remember how to fake it. And she's like trying to fight with Brandy and Brandy's ignoring her and Kim's like, "Well, if I was hurt from my feelings, "you're just trying to start something. "You just came out here and started something, cow." - And it's true, she was right, drunk, but correct. That is exactly what Kyle was trying to do. - Well, but to be fair, if you go back, Brandy was trying to start something by coming along to this thing. - Yeah, but-- - You can look at it, I mean, where does it begin? - But Brandy didn't go up to Kyle and start shit. She was gonna try and be nice or whatever. So if Kyle went up and was like, "Oh, God, see?" This is why I hate Kyle because it's putting me in a position of standing up for Brandy. - Brandy, Brandy was gonna be quote unquote nice because that's the way she operates. You know, she's gonna be nice 'cause she knows she's trapped the person where they have to be nice to her. And if they get mad at her 'cause she shouldn't be there, or she wasn't invited, she knows it's gonna start shit. And she knows that if someone comes at her, she's gonna be nice and then she can be like, "I was being nice and you did this to me." You know, that's like classic Brandy. Listen, I'm not saying Kyle is like perfect by any means. And there are many things I dislike about Kyle that have been well documented on this podcast. But I do say, I don't know, for me, I just, I really empathize with her frustration. You know, was it the right thing to do? Probably not. But do I begrudge her the fact that she like, through both things, like middle fingers up, and was like, "Fuck you, Kim, I don't." Because I think it's probably the most frustrating thing in the world that you have this like evil woman Brandy who is so obviously manipulating Kim and that Kim is falling for it. Like, I was like, you know, I-- - Well, I think Brandy and Kyle are both guilty of the same thing. And that is using someone who's obviously sick to try and further their own storylines when they really don't give a shit about the other person. Like, I think Kyle's beyond the point of giving a shit. Kim has done nothing their whole life, well, except when she was supporting them, who's a child. And you know that Kyle had plenty of nights where she was shit faced with Kim, you know? But Kim's been a drunk for so long that, you know, if you have somebody like that in your life and they're not gonna do anything about it, you know, Lisa Reynolds said the proper thing when she was like, there's, you know, unless they wanna help themselves, there's nothing you can do. And they just drop dead. And that's basically what it is. And Kim wants to cry and be a victim and then and then. And I guess if you really wanna stretch it, she's a victim of disease. But sorry, you know, you're not a victim. We all have the same chance. And actually, you had a better chance because you actually were rich and famous and fucked it up. It's not like you're some poor person working at Walmart, like the rest of us who has to deal with it, you know, alone. You've had all the help and a huge family to help you and all these people that love you. And you're still a fuck up. And you can't even admit it, you know? Like the biggest thing about being an alcoholic and recovering is saying, I'm a fuck up. And you can't even do that. Yeah, that's why I always felt like her recovery process was flawed because she knew she was always, even when she was sober, when she was like newly sober, she kept on coming at Kyle, which I wouldn't talk to Kyle, but she liked the support. And like that's not what it's supposed to be. I can't, you know what, this makes me, I'll see if we can get Anna David to come back on for next week because Anna David who was, she guessed it once before. And she is, she's really all about this stuff. She is the, one of the people behind the site called the After Party Group and she, she's sober and she's been through rehab. She writes about it a lot. She's very into it. I would really love to get her take on this whole situation because everything we're kind of like taking sides on is I think actually part of sort of the issues that swirl around recovery, you know? At what point is like, at what point are you entitled to having your emotions? At one point are you being irrational? And as devil's advocate, is there, do you think it's possible that maybe one of the reasons Kyle is dragging Kim onto TV is not to like take advantage of it for her own sake, but maybe to say, well, everything else has worked. So maybe if I put her on TV and she has a nation giving her scrutiny, maybe that will get her into shape. Is there, do you think that's possible? - No, because that doesn't get you into shape. Like if you're an alcoholic and you're afraid of leaving your house, which at the beginning of the show, Kim was. I mean, Kim couldn't even speak to other people, remember? She's like, I don't wanna go on a trip with new people. I don't like people. I don't know how to talk to people. I can't go to that party. - She was like a recluse. So no, throwing someone in the public eye, especially when it's all over Twitter and the internet and everybody's calling you a drunk in public and all that. No, that doesn't help you. I think it's for Kyle. I think Kyle did it for herself because she wanted to show everybody. Well, look, hey, Kim was the ex-celebrity, right? So Kim's the ex-movie star. So I think Kyle probably used her because Kim was actually somebody who would be on "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." She's like, an ex-child star in Beverly Hills. Like, of course, she's a student. So part of it was Kyle just used Kim to get on the show for herself. Second, Kyle used her so everybody would feel sorry for Kyle because she's the victim and has to put up with Kim. - Right. Well, but maybe what I'm saying is, and this is only just truly devil's advocate, maybe, I mean, isn't it conceivable that Kyle, there are probably a lot of things that Kyle has had to Kim over the years. And she's like, you know what, fuck it. I'm not gonna say it anymore. She can go on TV and then everyone else is gonna say it. And then maybe she'll listen 'cause she doesn't want to hear it from me anymore. You know what I'm saying? - Yeah. I don't think Kyle's stupid enough to think. I mean, from being Paris Hilton's aunt, I don't think that Kyle is stupid enough to think that fame is gonna help anything, you know? - That's true. - Like she's from a family where she knows what that shit does. She saw her knees become like a fucking 18-year-old porn star who's done nothing but act like trash to make money, you know? - By the way, speaking of Kim, how crazy, so during the last night's show, there was a flashback to "Game Night." And God, that was crazy. Looking at Kim three years ago, and how strung out. She looked, I didn't even realize at the time, but when you look back three years ago, wow. - She didn't look any worse than she did when they were at her house in this episode. I thought, when they looked at her house in this episode, she looked like a homeless lady. - No, I thought that she looked better. I mean, I thought like when you saw it, like she was way skinnier in like a bad way. And we were just sort of like used to the way that that's her look, but like she looks so much better now. - I was more shocked to see Dana and Taylor. - I know that they even gave Dana like a line. They even get in the flashback where she's like, take your time, hon. - Yeah. - What did Dana call Pam? That's why Kim called Dana Pam. They was like, you can call me whatever you want. And Renee's like, I'm gonna call you, she's like, shut up. (laughing) Pam, we're sisters, we're like sisters. Renee's like, we could be sisters too. No, we can't. - I looked them up 'cause I was making a joke on the recap about them 'cause I was like, yeah, you know, at the time we didn't like them very much, but one's waiting to be sentenced for 100 to 120 years in prison for fraud. And the other one's running around with the lawyer of her suicide, it has been. So we really didn't appreciate what we had when we had it 'cause those bitches are nuts. - I have been waiting for Dana to come back. You know what? I loved Dana. I thought she was great. - She's gonna be in jail. - I know. - She's going down. I don't think she's gonna escape that one. - No, she won't. She's not famous enough. So wait, let's go back to the episode. So there were all this, so Kim was talking to Kyle and to Brandi and was like, now, earlier today, now, earlier today. And then I think after that, then we had like a really stupid interlude with Yolanda where she's like, I love to pack. I'm such a good pack of, come on all around the world. And then as one of our readers noted, sorry. - That comment had me laughing out loud when I read that. - Yeah, well, I'm sorry, I can't name check you 'cause I don't have it in front of me, but from a basic page, I love how Yolanda's talking about how she's an expert packer and cuts her cleaning lady doing all the packing for her. (laughing) - That was, I mean, it was so true. - Yolanda, she's like, Yolanda's so offensive. The things she says are so-- - That was Adriana again, by the way. Adriana was, there you go. - The things that come out of Yolanda's mouth, she's like, you know, Anwa, I feel so bad. As a parent, you feel so badly even got children. But you know, I left his father when he was 18 months old. So he is used to these times. (laughing) - Yeah. And I love how like all of a sudden, like Anwa, who is like, Anwa, who is like nothing on this show. Like, he's just basically a glorified lemon picker in her garden. All of a sudden now, she's like, oh, I love Anwa. - Oh, Anwa. - Anwa, make sure you're safe this weekend. Anwa, I'm like, now you care about Anwa? - Yeah, she's like, Anwa, you are old enough to pose without your clothes on. Okay, I got you an agent. Mommy loves you. Anwa, I want you to learn how to socialize with other people. So therefore I'm gonna get you an apartment in New York City where you can help out by yourself. (laughing) - Please don't go to school and waste your life, Anwa. (laughing) - Anwa, come help Mommy Pack. - Oh, yeah. - I help Mommy Pack, come stand and watch as Lucia packs for us. - And let me awkwardly pretend that I know you. - Or how was the football soccer today, Danva Bella? (laughing) - Oh, Anwa, Gigi, how was your homework studies sports? - He's like, great, I ate an almond. - Did you swallow it? Get out. (laughing) - You know your stepfather goes all around the world doing charity for people. He doesn't just raise money, he goes and he builds houses. Anwa, why don't you do that too? - Oh God, David Foster. She's like, oh, David is doing his charity in Italy and you know who's going to be there, George Clooney, and he's also doing it with Andrea Botticelli. So we need to make sure all the tables are white. - I'm like, what does that have to do? What is Andrea, Andrea, what is her name? But-- - And Andrea? - No, Andrea Botticelli. Botticelli is a painter. - What's the pasta? That's burrillo. - Burrillo. - Anwa, do not touch that pasta, not touch that burrilla pasta. I know it sounds like one of step daddy's new clients. But no, it's just pasta and carbs and it'll ruin your modeling career. - Burrilla is not just someone that David Foster has recorded Grammy-winning songs for. It is also a very fattening pasta, Anwa. We don't like to have burrilla pasta in our house because our cleaning lady's name, Burrilla, also when it's very confusing. - Burrilla. - Burrilla, come here and pack my bags, Burrilla. - Burrilla, how come you never met the skinny jeans I gave you like you just made? - Burrilla's like skinny bitch. - Just like, Burrilla, will you go to your friend Giorno to come up here, please? - Could you please have your friend Tombstone come over here? - Burrilla, please have your friend Celeste come here. (laughs) - Celeste was sick of her selling rugs on the corner. She has to keep up to sell rugs. She has to pack three bags at least. (laughs) - She's like, "Toestoni, come here, Burrilla." (laughs) - I think my favorite one was Giorno. - Well, that's what's going on. - So now Burrilla, go tell your friend Giorno that this is unacceptable behavior. (laughs) - He's going to be selling tapestries on our corner here, so at least come here and scrub our refrigerator down. - That fucking fridge. - I still love it. - That fridge is gonna get gay-bashed. - Mm-hmm, we're on my gaze. - There are my gaze. I don't have gaze. I don't think you'll want it. You'll want it doesn't seem like the type to have gaze. She seems like she'd be like, "Oh, hello gay person, you know, your behavior is very risky. Who does that?" (laughs) - Yeah. - Who puts things in their bottom? Did you even get a house? - Oh, wasteful gaze. - I don't think your mother has a gay. - No, actually, I feel like her gaze are probably just like very successful power days. You know, it's like David Geffen, that's her gay. She's like, you know, she's the type, she's like, she's the type to bring David Geffen to the gay. She's like, "Well, here's my gay, it's David Geffen, he's very powerful." She's just an awkward brag that she knows David Geffen. "He bought me a diamond bracelet for Christmas and I bought him an Asian child." Here's my gay, Sam Smith. (laughs) Sing for the people, Sam, sing. I just love how all my gay mixes wind up with all of us around the piano. - Dijono, bring us wine. (laughs) - Oh, thank you everybody for coming to Kyle's party. I would like to give a speech. - I just-- - Ding ding ding ding ding. - Dear David, I'm so sorry you couldn't be here today. But I would like to thank you for all the support you've given me over the years. Thank you for always putting lime in your drink. (laughs) - I just want to say thank you everyone for coming to Kyle's gay mixer. Burilla Packer package for all of you, so you can take it by the door. Thank you so much. Please don't forget to wear your green ribbons to support lime disease. Thank you. And also be sure to wear your orange ribbons just to support Anwar on whatever he's going to be doing next. It'll just be general for Anwar. And if you forget, don't worry. I've forgotten plenty when he was a baby. He's used to it. - Before you leave, please start by the Columbia Mine station where you can paint a little canvas for Anwar for when he goes off to his apartment in New York City. - Hey Kyle, I was thinking we should have this gay party to build a bear. (laughs) - Burilla used to work at Build A Bear before she worked over here, making folding Anwar's laundry. I want to make, I'm gonna have Burilla and Desrona make us our Build Bears for us all. And then David's going to take them to Italy for his next. Charity fundraise and give it to poor people. (laughs) - Oh, Yolanda, if only you could be this entertaining on the show. - I love that our Yolanda fan fiction is that she's now co-opted Kyle's gay mixer, moved it to a Build A Bear, had her fake servants named after Frozen Foods, build the bears for them, and then giving them to David Foster to give to poor people at Andrea Bocelli's Charity fundraiser. - Sounds good to me. - And then they all have to paint little canvases for Anwar for when he goes off to college. - Anwar. - Anwar, what are you doing, reading? Oh, Jesus, who raised you? - How could you read? Don't you know we have Lyme disease as a family? We can't read the writes. (laughs) My lamb disease is our lamb disease. It's not a lamb disease, it's Lyme disease, but I can answer that. (laughs) - Oh, Lord. Take on a lamb, so it's a lamb disease. (laughs) - Can we talk bravo vlogs for a moment? Because I actually read them today because I woke up early, don't know why. Not on drugs. - You're like Nora Jones, don't know why. - I didn't come back. Wait, do I still have them? You know what, I have to reopen that. Oh wait, yeah, here they are. First of all, since she's on the top, sorry guys, sorry my gay guys. - Is Lisa Rina, her headline is, everyone needs to own their own shit. - That's so Lisa Rina. - Which is really funny. - They include my wig. - Basically, she says it's just crazy, but it's very funny because she's very kabbalah. She's like the crazy trains ahead. There are times when I'm enjoying the ride, times when I'm pissed off, and times when I'm just playing dumbfounded by what's going on. The bottom line is I'm always looking for the best way to deal with what comes my way. There are two different ways I could write this blog. I could choose to utilize my energies by calling out discrepancies, pointing out behaviors I don't agree with, and bringing my dignity down where it doesn't belong, or I could choose to take this opportunity to be reflective of my own behaviors, and the role I choose to play among my fellow housewives. - She's like, I'll choose choice number one. - Oh, she knew so she chose the latter. But then she's like, sometimes I'm dramatic, but I try and learn from my mistakes. Everybody's behavior speaks for themselves. Blah, blah, blah, blah, and that's basically her whole thing. She's like, kabbalah, kabbalah, brandy's an alcoholic, kabbalah, kabbalah, brandy's a drunk, because brandy came out last week saying Lisa Rinna really needs to take some responsibility for trying to harm a mother who could lose custody of her children by calling her a drunk on TV. - Oh, shut up. - You know how you're gonna lose your custody of your child by being a drunk on TV? It's not Lisa Rinna's fault. She's just saying what she sees, which is a page out of Brandy's book, which is like, I'm just saying what I see. I'm just saying what I see. And by the way, I do want to go back one second before you continue reading. Another thing I liked about Kyle yelling at brandy was when she did say to brandy, you lie is not very articulate, but it's more like when she said, you always, you're always saying your truth, and your truth is always wrong. I was like, thank you. I appreciate her saying that, because someone needs to tell brandy that. - Yeah, brandy just makes shit up. Well, Kyle's headline is brandy puts out lies, hoping they will stick. - And you know, you know the editors were on their side because every time Kyle said something, the editors would be like, "And here's example A, B and C." They're like, up to this thing that happened. And this thing, and this thing, and this thing was like five years of evidence. It's like, Perry Mason was there. - Yeah. (laughs) - God, Perry, I never really understood Perry Mason. What a fucking bore. He'd be like, "I'm here to talk to you about a murder." Like, really? Could you have a little more energy? 'Cause I'm falling asleep on the stand, Perry Mason. (laughs) Put a little fire under your ass, you big doof. Okay, so. - Perry Mason sounds like a porn star name. - Perry, that would be like, what would his porn star name be? Perry, come on my face in. (laughs) Anyway, continue on. - I could never be a porn star, it'd be the worst. I'd have the hackiest, like, cat skills name. (laughs) Blah, blah, blah. Kyle is just still acting like she was at the party where she's just waving her finger and like, going after. Like, she's like, yapping like a little chihuahua. - Before I get into this week's episode, I'd like to address Brandi's attempt to twist the events that played out at Eileen's Poker Night in her blog. - Good jeez. It's an insult to our intelligence. We all saw what their own eyes exactly would happen. To say I wanted this to play out in front of the cameras to hurt my sister as her way of trying to poison our minds as well as Kim's. We all saw that I walked away into the bathroom where my sister fell at me. I asked my sister repeatedly to cover her microphone which she insisted she didn't want to do because she had nothing to hide. If she had wanted to make the scene at the poker table, I had plenty of opportunities to do so. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, lots of blah, lots of blah, lots of blah, but where it gets good. - Good logic, good logic. Okay, go on. - Randy then has the audacity to say that Lisa Rinna should be ashamed of herself and was reckless in her comments. - I reckless Brandon. - Randy needing rehab. - Her comments to Kim and season two about using meth which were 100% not true. How does she think Kim's kids would feel about that? Or bringing up the lies and tabloids on camera last season. What about my children? Or she said about Adrienne and her children. Brandi's mean comments about others are always lies designed to hurt. Lisa Rinna was commenting on something she actually saw with her own eyes, what we all saw. Not a fabrication designed to hurt Brandi. Brandi needs to stop with the lies and deflecting and be more cautious with her own actions and reckless words if she's that concerned what people may say about her. - You know, I'm with her on that. - I'm not mad at any of that. I think actually all of it, even the stuff about like if I wanted to make a scene, I could have Kim followed me into the bathroom. Like I think, I think Kyle is winning this argument right now. This is argument she's having for yourself. - Yeah, with Randy. Yeah, of course. - Well, Brandi really, Brandi's an asshole. It's like, you know. - I mean, she's like, she's absolutely right. But everything she said, in fact, it's just what I had just said, basically, which is that like, Brandi suddenly gets mad about people's words. And Brandi is the one who like, waves this banner of like, I'm impulsive, I just have to say what I say. But then I always apologize. Like, no, Brandi, you can't take back certain things. - She never apologizes. Oh, and this, she's Kyle calls her out for that too. She's like, you went up to, you know, you said, oh God, where is it? Oh, Brandi then goes on to say in her blog, I really do think I should apologize to Eileen and Vince for disrespecting their home. I should have taken a page from the rest of the women and said one thing to their faces and completely different thing behind their backs. Is that an apology? And who is she referring to? That was my first time in Eileen's home and Brandi and I didn't speak again after that. So Kim, Lisa, Rina, more lies in not taking responsibility. First of all, this is what Kyle, this is what makes me crazy with Kyle. This is why I can never be on her side. Brandi's not saying that everybody made fun of Eileen's home behind her back. Clearly, she's saying the other women are just backstabbers and talk shit behind each other's back. She's not specifically speaking of Eileen's home and Kyle knows that, but Kyle's turning it into that. You see, it's like Kyle has to be a bitch. Even when she's in the right, she does not know how to just win. She just, she's an idiot. It makes you crazy. Yeah, that's why she will never be one of the best housewives. It just makes me fucking crazy. But yeah, I mean, I think she's right. Brandi's an asshole. I mean, who's gonna argue that? The best blog definitely goes to Eileen. Oh, yeah, so we had hysterical. Someone tweeted at us. It was Jamie Bee on Twitter who said we had to read this. So I'm very excited for you to read Eileen's Bravo blog. Yeah, this is very good. Eileen, Brandi is acting like a mafia enforcer, okay? Eileen explains how she really feels. Oh boy, this episode had my stomach and not. I don't know about you, but I was yelling at the television. I have to first address one thing. The words reckless and you should be disappointed in yourself should never, ever pass the lips of Brandi Glanville unless she's referring to herself. That is all in caps. Kyle's mixer was such a great idea. I have single friends who are gay. Can't say my gays when I don't refer to my heterosexual friends as my heteros LOL. God knows we needed a little levity after my poker party debacle. Kyle was a gracious and lovely hostess who is clearly excited to be getting all of our gays or whatever together. And who knows, maybe make a love connection. That happiness flew out the window when Kim walked into the party with Brandi, who by the way is acting less and less like a friend and more and more like a mafia enforcer. I guess Kim's heart was in the right place. She said she wanted Brandi and Kyle to make up, but really people at a party with no heads up to the hostess. Was she trying to put out a fire or throw gasoline on it? I'm so happy that she was in the hospital for a bit. Hopefully she's healthy and back on track. Still, she appears to be getting her days mixed up and continues to side with a woman who habitually insults and provokes her sister. How about that lovely comment about Mauricio? Talk about reckless. What about their kids, Brandi? Yuck, Ick, creeping me out. Yes, yes, exactly. The really sad thing here is that before my party it seemed these two sisters were communicating and a loving way with each other. You could tell how much they care about each other and the bond and the history they share. Kyle was so happy to have mended things with Kim. She was clearly frustrated and angry at the mixer as she witnessed all that progress going out the window. I don't blame her one bit for feeling angry, hurt and betrayed. I just don't understand Kim's point of view. I'm trying here, I really am. Funny. Then she goes on to Yolanda, which she cares. And then Max, which she cares. So much drama again in this week's show. I have a feeling we've only just begun. It's a two-parter after all. Eileen also had one of the best lines of the night, which is that when the tensions started to mount, Eileen said an interview, what am I supposed to do to spray them with a hose? She's just so crazy. I love that her and Lisa Renner, the old auntie, is just sitting in the table, watching it all. And Lisa's Eileen's like, "Oh, look, look, Lisa, look." And then Lisa's like, "This is not okay with me." Okay, Lisa, you tell them, you go girl. Oh yeah, I think, oh god, this is such a good season. I actually really felt like the drama in this week's episode was akin to some of that really crazy drama we saw in season one and two, where it really was coming from a real place. This was not manufactured drama. This was like getting into that deep family shit, you know, and totally compelling. I was glued to the TV. I could not, like, my job was dropped. Yeah, was dropped, I tell you, dropped. Dropped, I tell you, okay, now what about Kyle's friends? Okay, that lady she was talking to named Fran. I don't know who this bitch is. She's probably some power agent, and I'm gonna be banned from Hollywood for her life, but that face. Okay, that was just basically skin with holes poked into it where she could see out of. She looked like she was wearing a ghost. I-- She looked like a human ghost. What the fuck with people? Come on! I don't know how you could start with Fran. When the real star of Kyle's friends was the morally corrupt Faye Resnick making her grand return. She's like, I hear someone might be murdered at this party. I showed up with a notebook and an agent. (laughing) I was so happy to see Faye back. And she brought, like, two handsome giga guys. I was like, good for you. You know what cracks me up about Faye is that she's such a pussy. After that season where she started shit in the whole world, turned against her again, and was like going after her on Twitter, she's like, I will never be on the house again. And that's why she's never on, like, actual scenes, because people were so mean to her the first time that she came on. Yeah. Please, you deserved every bit of that. So there's always crazy drama one Faye Resnick shows up, that's for sure. Sydney Charlotte just posted on our Facebook a picture of firemen hosing down a building, and then she just put Lisa and Eileen's faces on them. (laughing) It's so random, but hilarious. (laughing) By the way, I also would like to point out, I think after all that talk about gays and objectifying or whatever, I think I have to give the award for cutest gay, to Lisa Rena's gay, I thought he was the cutest. (laughing) I didn't even pay attention to the gays, isn't that terrible? They were just like bad extras. Well, I knew one of the gays, actually, I knew one of the party planner gays, he's so cute and nice. The one with the red hair, I like, I recognize him. Yeah, he was one of my friends, you probably met him. I don't think I met him, I just recognize him. He was super cute and nice, I was glad he was on it. He was nice, he was-- He was so funny because they kept being in shots, but he was always looking right at the camera. (laughing) It was so funny, I was like, you know, why are you looking right in the camera? But every time, he was like looking directly into the camera, like, can you see me? Yes, we see you, all right? (laughing) He's a little rascal, he's a cute guy, I was glad he was a kid. I thought Lisa Rena's gay was the cutest, and Lisa Vanderpump's gay was cute, but you know, I really have, one of my pet peeves is when black eyes sort of like, scoped, like the bike I got scoped their hair, at least for like a flat eye. The hairline, yeah, huh? I'm not a hairline, it's just like, trying to like sort of like, low it out. It's just, to me, it's just not attractive, and that's a real turn-off, it's a real turn-off. I'm trying to remember which one was Lisa Rena's gay. There were a couple cute gays there, for sure. Who was like the super tall one? That super tall one was so hot, but though when he opened his mouth, I was like, oh no, he's like a bitchy queen. I'm like, no, but you're so tall and handsome. But I wanted him to be like, hey, yeah, hey guys, I'm here to meet some young gay people. It did look like a pretty terrible party. First of all, was that Nix and Beverly Hills, which is like, I don't know why I'm, you know, I mean, I've been there once or twice, and it's like, I am-- - Was Chuck and Cheese taken. - I know, I was like, why are you doing it at Nix? Like, dude, someplace cool. - Because I'll, we'll do anything that she gets for free. So, that's true. - Yeah, that's true. She probably met someone from Nix at the store, who was like, you can film at Nix, and she's like, okay, I'll put the gays there. - Well, they're probably both members of the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce, which she's so-- - Oh yeah. (laughs) - Extremely flat-weighting. - Extremely flat-weighting too. - It's like, hi, I'm from Kyle and Aileen too. - It's a story. - Meanwhile, we can just touch on, real quickly, Lisa Vanderpump, who Storyline was totally useless this week. It was like, well, Max wants to meet his original mother, and I just don't know, 'cause he's our son, and why open that book of, whoop, that can of worms. - Oh, yeah, I don't know. - People are not liking that she's putting that on TV, but I don't know, he seems into it to me. - Yeah, I don't think it's a big deal. - I think the bigger deal is the fact that she just moved him up to being a runner after being a busboy for years. I mean, how long has he worked at Sir? He's been a busboy for like four years. That is so sad, and she won't even let him be a waiter. She's like, are you making lots more money down, darling? You know, now that you're a runner, and he's like, yeah, 'cause I get tips from the bar and the lounge. She's like, oh, that's good, darling, yeah, bitch. - She's like, meanwhile, Pandy just bought a yacht. Anyway, enjoy your runner. - Job. - Your mother must have been one good food runner, darling. - Lord knows you've earned it. - Pandy, do interview your brother on the divine addiction. I'm sure people would love to hear what he does there. (laughing) - What's your favorite accessory when you're busing tables? Let's accessorize this all and have a shake-as. (laughing) - Darling. - Yeah, I like it, but I think it's funny that the extent of Lisa's effort in defining these parents is going on to ancestry.com. - I know. - And then she's like, no, darling, I can't give you her name. I cannot tell you her name, darling, all right? I'm like, how is he supposed to find him? You can't just type in pasty chubby kid with freckles, born in England, adopted. Good busboy. That's not gonna find anybody. They're like, oh, we found your mother. She knew her son would grow up to be a good busboy. - She's like, we found your mother, turns out she died in a tunnel in Paris in 1997. No relation to Princess Di, whatsoever. (laughing) Now, I'll close this laptop very quickly before you find out any other information you wanna go back to that family. - We found your mother. Unfortunately, she was a French whore and squirted out lots of children who were forced to sleep with her on the streets of Paris. She was like, Cedric, show brother. (laughing) ♪ I dreamed a dream and time no more ♪ - Oh, that would be wonderful if actually Lisa's life was actually part of a modern Les Misérables. - Yeah, he's like just pushing a broom in a hotel 'cause no one will claim him. ♪ There's a castle on a cloud ♪ - Look, if Lisa and Ken were my parents, I would not be looking around. That's good. I will take it. - I know. ♪ There is a sexy unique restaurant on a cloud ♪ (laughing) ♪ I dreamed a dream of goat cheese balls ♪ I don't know what. ♪ Goat cheese ball ♪ ♪ I dreamed a dream of fusciato wrapped goat cheese ♪ (laughing) ♪ A tuna tata ♪ (laughing) - Oh, yeah, Lisa, that's cute. I mean, I don't know, I just think Lisa's super cute. I like when Ken was like, your father was Nigeria and then your mother was Japanese, right? (laughing) And he's wearing some see-through light blue blouse that Lisa gave him. Please, please buy some men's clothes. You're embarrassing yourself. - I know, it's so awful. Poor Ken and his Eurotrash style. - He's like damn Edna at home, like just relaxing. (laughing) He's at the inside of a jewel box. I'm just like, satiny and shiny. - Their bed probably looks like a dog bed. It's probably covered in like gray hairs. - They probably slide off of that bed every single night 'cause it's probably satin sheets with satin pajamas. It's like they get in, they just slide right across and line up on the floor. - Yeah, Ken's silent farts. That's all I can think of with Ken. What else happened on Bev Hills, y'all? - I think we got most of it. I think we should move on to Vanderpump Rules. - Oh my god, Vanderpump Rules. - Vanderpump Rules. - Vanderpump Rules. - So, Jack's his face. - Jack's, well, so okay, so I wrote, I actually wrote notes, I wrote a bunch of notes because it's so, and so I prefer she and his wedding. I can't believe you wouldn't take notes when I prefer her wedding. - That was for my dessert bar. I can't believe you were doing that so I prefer my dessert bar. (laughing) - Yeah, it was a bar. - So, first of all, I think it began. I think the show pretty much began. It was Ken's birthday and they were discussing Kristen and I liked how she's just an awful employee. She does this and she steals and she drinks wine on their job and she fights across the drama. She's like, "Oh, but she's like family." I'm like, "No, how could she possibly be like family?" Max is like, "Is your family?" And he's barely like family. - Yeah, not family. - So then we cut to a party at the sofa tell, which cracked me up because I was like, it's like, wow, it's a party next to the mall. (laughing) You can see like Macy's in the background. (laughing) It's like, "Oh, good." In between shots, we can go to the Macy's Men's store. You can go to get a size of pizza spas. So I loved someone there at this party. Seriously, Kristen was like talking a story about getting into club and she's like, "I was like on the list 'cause I'm like with the DJ and the guy was like, "Well, screw the DJ." And I was like, "Oh, I do." - And he was like, "Yeah, whatever, good for you." It was like, no, he probably said, "Whatever, period." - And I love that, like, when she tells her joke, she does her shoulder shrug. I wish we had a sound for that. It's so good to do it in the podcast, but you can't go like, "Ugh, ugh, ugh." She's like, "Seriously, I do, screw the DJ, seriously." - I do. - I do, seriously. - Seriously. - I want me to prove it. - And seriously, like, why is that a joke you were telling, why is that like a moment, something that you're like repeating, right? - Seriously, I give blowjobs to the DJ, seriously. (laughing) - Seriously? - I'm like, something she totally worked up on the way there. - Exactly, she's like, "Seriously, I give Thalishio to the DJ at the Sofitel party, whatever." - I have to interrupt for very important news. - What's that? - I'm reading the reviews for Jack's app. The Jack's app. It's called Jack's Tale of Fitness, and it's a headshot from like 20 years ago. And it's got one and a half stars out of five. - Okay. - But in fairness, it's because it doesn't even work. All the reviews are can't log in, error message, cannot register even with Wi-Fi, can't log in, what does a book that is an app if you can't log in, stick to bartending, hashtag don't quit, sir. Can't log in, says I don't have internet access. I tried signing up, but it said I didn't have access to the internet, what the hay? - Can't log in, constant no internet connection, error message, I'm trying to set up a new user and keep getting an error pop up. Won't let me sign in, can't log in. The app won't work. - And then a five star review from Lacey from a girl named Lacey Ringley. - You did an awesome job, Jack's, I like the app. - Then one star, no go. - By the way, these are also the same error messages that go through Jack's brain. Can't log in, can't log in, won't work. - Can't connect to internet. - Can't connect to internet. Like someone asked them a question, it's like can't log in. Sorry, 404 error, bad gateway. Server is down, can't log in, can't log in. - So funny. - Here's the one reason why I would never get that app, because if you have to register for it, there is no way I'm handing over my information to Jack's tailor. Like I'm sorry that it's just not happening. - What do you think you would do with that? - I don't know, prints it out and masturbate on it. I don't know. - You'd probably be like, "Hi guys, this is Jack's tailor." I opened a Patreon, but it's just for myself. Every time I get up, I want, every time I do somebody, I want you to give me a dollar. Jack's is really just a fucking worse. Like I get being a whore, I get cheating on your girlfriend and being a douchebag, I'm not saying it's great, okay, it took me wrong, but I get it, I get being a guy. - Yeah. - But then turning on the other guys and turning them all into their girlfriends on purpose and ruining their relationship so that he doesn't look like the only slut, that is the most disgusting breach of bro code I've ever seen in my life. - And he did it in such a, like, such a fake way. He made it try to look like an accident because basically what happened was-- - No, it's obviously planned where he was like, "Okay, but you got to read it off my phone 'cause I don't want to be in trouble where you're telling people, you know, like I'm already in trouble, dude." - But even before that, even before he handed over the phone, he says such an obnoxious thing to pour seagull, you know, what's your face, Courtney, the seagull from Finding Nemo. And he's like-- - Oh yeah. - She was like, "You drink too much." And he's like, "Well, I drink so I can tolerate you." And she's like, "That is so hurtful." And he's like, "It was a joke, it was a joke." I was like, "You're such an asshole." But yeah, that was so funny that he was like-- He's basically like, "See, I'm not about to go bang other girls. "You can read it off my text. "No, I'm not gonna read it. "I think maybe Kristen, Kristen, you should read it. "You should read it and, you know, I'm sure I won't have "any text open that you can read by accident." - Yeah, and it'll just happen to be open to this very text. He's like, "Whoops." And Carmen's like, "Should that be the one "that she's reading, is that one open?" He's like, "Whoops, sorry, oh." - And Carmen's like, "Mine, mine." - Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. - Sunset grill, Sunset grill, mine, mine, mine. - Sunset grill, Sunset grill. - I tried eating it to Sunset grill this weekend because I was right by there for a zine fare, okay? - Good. - Because I have artist friends. - Okay. - There's really a thing such as a zine fare. You write things on little paper and Xerox them and sell them at a fair, okay? That's a real thing. I went to it, so I know. - It's like a red and fair, but with zines. - With zines, yes. And instead of weird costumes, they wear no deodorant. And some scraggly has greasy hair. - But very nice, I guess. So anyway, we went across the street to eat at that stupid place across the street from Nerveout, what's that called? - Sunset grill's right by there. So I was like, "Can we please go to Sunset grill?" - And they were like, "No, that's stupid. "We're gonna go to this other place." We like 'cause waiters are hot. And the waiters weren't hot and the hamburger was like $16. And I did not approve and the whole time, I was like, I could be at Sunset grill right now, getting an info for the podcast. Do you remember when we had Thanksgiving together and then my friend Tricia got annoyed 'cause she couldn't eat. And so I had to take her to get French fries at that restaurant down the street from your friend's house. What is that place called? It's like a trendy-- - The pikey. - The pikey, yeah. - Yeah. - Went to the pikey, whatever. Fuck that place. - Fuck it. - It's no Sunset grill. - Kristin. - Kristin. - Kristin. - Kristin. - Kristin. - Let's go to the Sunset grill. - Kristin. - Kristin. - Oh, Kristin. Dude, what is up with Kristin? That girl is sort of viable crazy. What the hell, Kristin? - Oh, Kristin. I love to go to Sunset grill with jocks. Kristin. - So what happened on this app? I feel like we haven't even talked about anything that happened yet. OK, so we handed the phone over to Kristin. And Kristin found out-- Yeah, it's like totally Tom fucking some girl in Vegas. - Tom Schwartz. - Tom Schwartz. - The text was Tom Schwartz telling Jack something about the fact that he fucked a girl in Vegas, which if you remember earlier in the season, he said that he didn't fuck a girl in Vegas. He only made out with a girl in San Diego or something like that. There were two girls. And he told Katie, aka Bubby, or Bubba, or whatever. - Bubby. - Oh, gross. - He's like, I did make out with another girl. But you know, we were in a break, but no, Vegas, no. So anyway, so then, so Kristin reads that she's like, - Seriously? - Seriously? - He's like, wide open. - Seriously? - I'm like screwing the DJ at the mall party, seriously. So then we got to like that night, and Tom and Tom and Katie, and who else were there? I don't know, but they decided to go to this bar in Koreatown called Lock and Key, where you have to open, you have to find the right door knob to get into the bar. And normally you would think that that's just like a clever design trick, but I actually think it was just a way to keep these kids out of there. They're like, okay, these kids are really dumb. Maybe we put up a lot of door knobs. They just won't come in. - Just like if they do figure out the door, put a math quiz right in front of the drink menu. You can only unlock it if you can do the math. - I only wish we saw footage of Shina trying to get in. She's like, well, I don't have so many knobs. This is like right before my wedding. How can they do this to me? - Don't they know I have to get eyes for my wedding? I can't be wasting time opening door knobs. - It's right before my wedding. It's not polite to be touching other knobs. - In Azusa, we only have three knobs on every door, not 10,000. - What I can win for this, my bridesmaid speech is gonna be about how good I am at polishing knobs. (laughing) - I want sort of a neighborhood called Knob Hill, but I didn't realize that neighborhood was inside this bar. - The German knob has a key in the front of it. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Who's that in English? (laughing) - Knob? That's what it should be called. I don't understand. - In Azusa, we have kebabs. - And corn on the cob, but corn on the cob doesn't have a K before the C. Like, why were they doing that? Like, don't they know I'm getting married next week? Why don't they put it on the asylum case? - I'm really good at bobbing. My other bridesmaid's gonna give a speech about how good of bobbing I am. - I like to bob for Knob, my friend put doorknobs into a bucket and then I bob for knobs. Why do they, so, have I been mispronouncing kite all this time as I just pronounced it? I don't understand. (laughing) - Hey, has anybody seen my ease? I can't find my ease. (laughing) - My what, my ease? My gee, oh. (laughing) - I was supposed to drive my garlic on my ease. (laughing) - I would like to order some on-pow chicken, please. (laughing) - Hey, can I have a knife? Oh wow, that wouldn't work. (laughing) - Now I get it, now I understand K's. When I was a little kid, it turns out I was the best student in the kindergarten. (laughing) Now I've make sense, all K's are silent, but why do we even have them? - Oh my God. (laughing) - I have a question. So, when I eat special K, am I really just eating special? Is that 'cause I'm special? It is. - Yeah, I'm on my period, I'm really craving an it at. (laughing) - Like, we have a piece about it at bar. (laughing) (laughing) - They're so so stupid. The people on this show are some of the dumbest fucking people I've ever seen, and I love it. - Oh my God. - Sheena makes me laugh so hard talking about her stupid wedding, and they're seeing the previews of it, and she's like, "No, no, no, no!" (laughing) - I can't afford a wedding K. (laughing) (laughing) - There are a lot of dead leaves on the ground. Why don't you raise 'em up? (groaning) - I refuse to buy a wedding A, or wedding K, so instead we're having candy, 'cause they know how to use a cap. (laughing) - We're gonna go to Dylan's candy bar, because they know how to use proper customs. - I love her blatant, like she hasn't learned how to do it yet. Kyle will learn, Kyle knows how to do it. She's like, we just happen to be walking past a KFC during the scene so she can get her ears filled. But Sheena's so stupid. She's like, "Welcome to Don's candy store "on the Brienne Sunset." PewDiePie was my good friend Tom. (laughing) - She's like, "I'm throwing like a $50,000 wedding, "and everyone gets gummy worms." (laughing) She's like, "We can't afford ice "because we spend $20,000 on flowers." - Oh, I think I told the story on the podcast once, but I was at this wedding, and this girl was like, "I just read this article about the top 10 wedding fas "that need to die already." Candy bars. Sparklers instead of rice. - Like it was like 10 things, and every single thing the bride had. She had candy bars, sparklers for rice. (laughing) Like hashtags, it was so fucking funny, and that reminds me you've seen that, like, "Oh wow, a candy bar, that's creative. "You wanna be real creative? "Get like a yogurt planet in there." Like, "Hey, put whatever yogurt you want in there. "You can have eight toppings." (laughing) - I can't believe this yogurt melted on my wedding. Something really like, "It's my wedding." (laughing) My capital, it's insane solid. - I think I'm gonna go to that gay yogurt place today. (gasping) - Yogurt stop? - Yes, is that the one by, like, Mickey's or whatever? I love that place. - It's so good. - And they name their yogurts, like really stupid gay things. They're like, "Bottom banana." - They're like, "Where my gay's at and my gay's." I mean, toppings. (laughing) Who said there was a shortage of tops in West Hollywood? We got all the tops in here, toppings. I went in there once, and I saw-- - No bottom leaves unsatisfied with our toppings. - They actually have kick cats as they're-- - It at bars for some of their toppings, which I'm happy about. I saw Kristin Chenoweth there once, it was very exciting. - Oh my God, I love her. - Yeah, she was shooting. - Popular, do you wanna be popular? (laughing) - Do you wanna have it cat bars? (laughing) Okay, so anyway, so we're back at the bar, and Sheena has made her way past all the locks, and they're all in there. She has-- - Did you couple it? (laughing) - How did you guess that? Did you couple it? (laughing) - How did you now there? - He's like, "No, no, I just totally did it on accident." - Kristin? - Kristin, why are there so many doorknobs? Kristin, are there just many doorknobs? Do you think it sounds like real Kristin? (laughing) - So they're in there, and Sheena's complaining about how she needs to get ice, and she doesn't know how to get ice for her wedding. So then Tom Schwartz gets the text from, I think from Jack's, right, and Jack, or maybe it's from, whatever it was, he got a text from someone being like, FYI, everyone, it's like, it's out that you had sexed with some hoe in Vegas. So he's like sitting there, like, all confused and worried, so he then he taps Katie and is like, "Hey, Bubby, hey, Bubba, hey, Bubba, "can I come talk to you over here for a minute, Bubba?" So he drags over to the corner, and she's like, "What?" And he's like, he's like, "Remember, I told you "I didn't have sex with anyone in Vegas. "I may not have been 100% honest about that, "but so I sort of made out with someone after all, "but now I have zero doubts about who I want to be with." (laughing) I was like, shut up Tom. - But you're only telling me because Jack's is gonna tell me, so that's what it's gonna be like, and he's like, "No, Bubba, it's just been, "I've been wanting to anyway, Bub." - Just didn't know, like, I don't know, you sort of like look at me in that way, and I don't want to do it. She's like, "Rrrr." - Oh my God, poor horse face number two. She's just learning to be nice, and then she learned that Stacey was right the entire time. - Exactly. - Duh, duh, duh, duh. - It's like, Bubba, now I know I really, we were in a such a bad place, but now I know I really want to be with you, Bubba. - Like, this guy is such a economist. - And I like that she has no reaction. And you know, he's obviously a slime bag, but he comes off, like, he's got this certain amount of charm on the show. Like, he gets away with it. I mean, he's cute, but in a rat face kind of away, so it's not like he's Robert Redford getting away with it. - Right. - He has this kind of charm, but he was on, he was on with horse face number two on Watch What Happens Live, as I mentioned, in the bonus. - And wow, I mean, it was really, really awkward to watch, because Katie is acting like she's at the reunion. Like, everything she's actually trying to give a super bitchy answer. And he's like, "Birth of from Wisconsin Falls, England, "wants to know what you think about, you know, "she in his wedding." And she's like, "Well, maybe if she wanted to have dinner, "she should have blah." You know, she's like, "Have that kind of attitude?" And then Andy's, you know, straight up going after Tom, he's like, "So Tom, you said you didn't cheat, "but then you cheated." Tom's like, "Well, you know." And then, and he's like, "Yeah, but then you said "it was only making out, but then Jackson's saying "you would like had sex." And then Tom's like, "Well, you know, it's like, "I mean, it was making out, it wasn't sex, "but it's like making out maybe some other stuff. "I mean, who knows?" And starts laughing. - And he's like, "I didn't even roll his eyes "because it's so uncomfortable." And Katie's just like smiling. And she's either gained a lot of weight or is pregnant, which people are talking about on Facebook as well. But he is just such a douchebag in real life. Like he's making jokes about cheating on his girlfriend when he's sitting right next to her, possibly pregnant. Class, all class. - He's one of those like real, like he's like the most dangerous kind of douchebag 'cause he's like sweet and charming or whatever, but he's actually a huge douche. And he's going nowhere in life. I mean, he couldn't even handle his one shift at pump, you know? So he'd like, he's, I mean, I don't know, even know what his, what he does. He had like that one modeling gig where admittedly he was adorable. But like he's the sort of guy who gets away with shit over and over and over again 'cause he's cute. And he's like, "Oh, I'm sorry." - And Katie is like, once they start talking about it and fighting over, which it wasn't really even a fight. She's just, you know, what I really want is for you to make an effort in this relationship and like prove to me that you're ready and that you're gonna be a good husband and you're totally ready to do this and you're responsible and you're motivated. And like, he can't do that because none of that is true. - Exactly. - Keep on looking girl or keep on cooking. It's your choice. - Yeah. And the best is when afterwards they return home and the argument continues and she's like, you know, talking about how he goes off and she's like, and I'm sitting here, a home alone on the couch and sometimes like motorboding a D. And he's like, "Oh, sorry, bad joke." I was like, "Oh." - Oh, I was like, "Oh." - Timing is not your forte. - Yeah. - Not the time. - Yeah. - Motorboding a D. At this point, she could have been sucking off a football team and she still would have had less cheating than you, fucker. - Yeah, exactly. Kristen. - Kristen. - Kristen. - So the real big thing of the episode was that in the wake of last week, when Kristen told the manager Diana to suck a dick, so Kristen came into work. And Lisa Vanderpump had put on her best lacy cuffs to scold Kristen. You know, she wore that. Lisa's really gotten into this whole like wearing a blazer with strange like, I'm in morning black bands around the, around like the elbows and little like lacy cuffs. It's like a very strange like 1983 Prince look, you know? - Yeah. - So, so Lisa and Ken and Guillermo and Diana and then the other lady, they were all like sitting down and there was basically like the trial of horse face number one. So, Kristen sits down and she's like, "Sir Sluh." "Sir Sluh." And-- - It's like, "Wow, look, it's all from me. I mean, what did I do to deserve this? Wow!" - I'm like, you're such a jag. - Way to enter making jokes, you stupid hooker. - Yeah, seriously. So anyways, Guillermo and Ken leave. And so now it's like three ladies on one horse face. And so basically Lisa starts yelling at her. Lisa's like, "You're disrespectful, da da da da da da." It was like the first time that Lisa actually, I felt like seemed a little bit more like a boss than usual, you know? And I loved how in the middle of it, Kristen goes, "Sir Sluh, we'll get up and walk out of here." It's like, "I don't think you get to call that shot, Kristen, but to give you." - Yeah, Kristen. - You're the employee. Like, that's not like you getting up and walking out of there is going to give you any sort of leverage in this argument. - Yeah, you're about to get up and walk out of there and not because you chose to stupid. - Yeah. So like, "Sir Sluh, sir Sluh, sir Sluh." But that's a long-- - But I wasn't on, I wasn't even like, I wasn't even on the clock. So like, I was a customer. So like, the manager came out and like told me to be quiet. What kind of manager does that? Well, that's a terrible manager. I don't appreciate how I was treated as a customer. So how about that? - Yeah. - They just leave us our argument. Like, wow, go Yelp it, okay? - Yeah, exactly. That's because that's exactly how the world works. And once you're off the clock, anything you do is totally fine. Like, why don't you go hang out with Ray Rice, see how that worked out for him? - Mm. (laughing) - Ooh, snap. - Sir Sluh? - Seriously, seriously, doesn't she know I'm on a low carb diet, I'm not gonna hang out with any rice, seriously? (laughing) Doesn't she know I'm saving all my calories for the candy bar? Seriously, doesn't she know that she knows a candy bar? And they're gonna be at bars there, so like, why would I hang out with Ray Rice seriously? - I'm bringing my Trader Joe's bag to sheen his wedding. (laughing) - I'm gonna load up on all sorts of gummy worms and put in my Trader Joe's bag and I'm gonna blow up on all sorts of gummy worms, and I might eat them for the rest of the week. - Seriously? - Seriously. - 'Cause Tom really likes gummy worms and maybe he's coming back to me. - You never know. (laughing) - Seriously? - Seriously, seriously, I'm gonna put some gummy worms in Tom's apartment and I'm gonna leave a trail leading back to my apartment and then I'm just gonna have one right on my vagina. Seriously, seriously. - You know how people, how we were talking earlier about how people put sayings with quotes around them and then attribute them to themselves on my Facebook and Instagram? - Yeah. - I wanna do that because I'm trying to make SIRS a thing, okay, like seriously? - SIRS. - Because they keep saying seriously, like assortment, like they do obby. - SIRS. (laughing) - SIRS. (laughing) - SIRS? (laughing) - SIRS? - It's like, it's like exome SIRS. - It's one of those things, like it was so funny to me when I, it's funny to me, so I just say it all the time but nobody knows what the hell I'm talking about. I'm like, you haven't heard that, SIRS? - SIRS. - That's my thing, right? - SIRS, I'll say it. - I guess it is, it's a thing. - SIRS. - Well, I have to, by the way, you have a shout-out to one of them on Facebook, page people, oh, I just scrolled right past it, who put up a picture of Richard Sherman, and I know Ronnie, you didn't watch the Super Bowl, but Richard Sherman was one of the defenders, and they put up, so Seattle, for those of you who didn't watch AKA Ronnie, Seattle lost the last second, and then, so someone put up a picture of Richard Sherman going, "SIRS-LE, SIRS-LE, hahaha." I would say who that was, oh, it was Theresa Merovich. Theresa also had a very funny comment, because, sorry, my computer's acting so slow. She basically was like, could you imagine Kristen being in the nation widead, and so Ronnie, you didn't see the nation widead, correct? - No. - 'Cause you didn't watch the scene. So basically, the ad was, there was this little boy who was on a little tricycle, and he was like racing after these other kids on a bicycle, and they got away, and he's like, oh, I'll never learn how to ride a bike, all sad, and then he was like, and I'll never get cuties, and I'll never, he's like doing all these things he'll never get to do. He's like, and I'll never get to explore the world, I'll never do this, never that, then, and then, and then, and then you're like, oh, poor kid, why? And he's like, because I died in a home accident, and I was like, nationwide insurance. - What the hell? And so he's maybe then not allowed to do anything, but at least you'll have insurance money. - Exactly, so that was like, it was like the most talked about commercial, 'cause everyone's like, nice, such a downer commercial, I was like, why? - That's depressing. - So Teresa's like, can you imagine now that Kristen's fired? 'Cause, oh yeah, Kristen got fired. So imagine Kristen being like, I'll never get to drink free wine, and sir again. I'll never get to yell at Jax. I'll never get to see Tom, because I got fired. - Seriously? - Seriously. - Seriously. (laughing) - Talking about that firing, like, there isn't even enough that we could say to do justice to that, 'cause it was just a beautiful moment in history, because Lisa pulled a Donald Trump where she's like, all right, we're gonna shoot this for nine hours, all right? No one tells her she's fired until nine hours of past, you know, and then they just go after her, and she just keeps digging, and digging, and refusing to apologize. I mean, what a fucking idiot. It was so pleasant watching her get the boot. - It was great, 'cause I thought that, at least it was to say, you know, I'll give you chances over and over again, and I should fire you, but I can't, because you're like family, so I give you one more chance, but instead she was like, as far as I'm concerned, you're fired, I was like, what? And then they cut to the line cooks in the kitchen, and be like, oh, Jason, Kristin got fired, like, high five. (laughing) Oh my God, that was amazing. - Yeah, when the kitchen guys hate you, you're pretty much despicable. - And then Kristin's like, seriously? Seriously, she just like gets up and storms out. Seriously, I'm going home. I mean, you got pissy on Kristin seriously. - Yeah, let's get pissy on Kristin. It's like, that is from Trader Joe's, and it was $4. - And it's barefoot bubbly, which, at least she admitted that, and her friend came over and was like, so has it failed to be fired, and not be able to pay your bills? And she's like, well, shoulder shrug, you know? You know, it's for the best. Like, I know I'm never going to work there again. Seriously, seriously, I just hope that Tom so that shot saw my sign up, and I shouldn't have went. (laughing) - Wait, sitting again? - No, I just like, I basically totally tripped up on my words, I'm like, no, seriously, seriously, I can't even finish my sentence. (laughing) Seriously, seriously too many at bars, seriously. - Yeah, I am so happy that we got to see her get fired, but I'm also terrified at the thought of Vanderpump Rules without Kristin, so. - Or Stasi, I mean, Stasi hasn't been on the path to episodes. - Stasi, I don't miss it all. - No, but I'm like, bye. - I'm like, bye. - I don't miss Stasi either, but I'm just saying, like, if you, like, there are no more like crazy bitches left. Katie's not, Katie's like crazy, but she's like a good, like, second fiddle crazy. We need, like, main, like, leading, leading, leading. - She's not crazy, she's a bitch. - I don't think she's crazy. - No, Katie's, Katie's a little crazy. We haven't, I mean, she goes, she has her mood swings. She's like, she's like, needy, crazy, and she gets drunk, and she gets cryy. But like, we need, like, we need some, we need some more crazy, and I think that Stasi is done. I think she is off the show. - Yeah, and I think that's the only reason she was crying because that last fight she tried to have with horse-faced number two was pretty much to nail on her coffin. She's like, I can't believe you went to Miami. That's disgusting. - That's disgusting. What kind of friend are you? - Yeah. - And horse-faced, too, is like, shut the fuck up. It isn't about you. And she's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. - And then she did, like, Meryl Streep and Into the Woods just disappeared into the earth. (laughing) - Stop trying to pick fights with me. That's what my friend is like. - I don't even get into the woods. I mean, what even happened to Meryl Streep? Who just falls into the ground? - I'm like, who does that? - It's not a mystery. She's like, I don't understand it. - And I was like, I don't know how to explain it to you because it's not a mystery. So maybe Google it. - Stossy's like-- - Oh my God. - Stossy's like, who throws magic beans in the ground? Well, it's a giant come down from the sky. Who does that? (laughing) What sort of mother giant goes and kills everyone? Who does that? - Who goes into the woods to look for his stuff? Like, take up horse. Who does that? - Who goes and trusts a wolf? That's disgusting. Who does that? - Cirseless? Cirseless? - Into the circle we go. We go-- - Who says no to our prince? I mean, it's like turning down a whole career. - Seriously? Who steps in tar? Seriously? That's disgusting. Does that, steps in tar, then tries to get away from Prince Charming? - Who thinks they're shoes behind on prayer pass? - Who does that? - Who gets their golden slippers to people? Who does that? - Stossy is byee. I think she's probably gone too. So I guess next we're gonna have Vale, hopefully turn crazy. I don't see that really happen. I don't see that happen 'cause Vale's major contribution is like, "Hi, Lisa!" It's like, oh, she does every episode. - I forgot that Vale was a hostess and not a waiter. Like, I would understand a waiter or a bartender 'cause at least she'd make some bank, but hostesses make like $12 an hour. What the frick? - I know. Well, I think she's probably trying to make a splash on the show. I mean, my favorite Vale moment of the season we didn't even talk about. It was last week when Kristen and Shino were in a fight out front and Vale comes out and she's like, "Okay, guys, why don't we both calm down?" And she's like, "Vale, I don't know if you, "but it's not all of this." It's like, "Be quiet, Vale." But you know what, though, this episode, there was still more. Kristen getting fired wasn't even like the conclusion. So then Kristen was like loafing around and then we cut to Jax and Tom. Tom comes over and sort of like this very staged bro fight, but I think it turned into a real fight when like Tom was like, "Hey, dude." Well, first Jax was looking at his app on his TV and it's like this weird like footage of Jax running in place. And Jax was like, "It's pretty cool." - And how awesome was it when that whole conversation started with, "Hey, dude, congrats on the app." - Yeah. - Hey, that's the app. And also congrats on being like the worst friend in the world. And he's like, "Well, you always gotta do this, Jax." And Jax's like, "Bro, whatever. "Get out of my apartment, man." Tom's like, "No, bro, like you can't do this, dude." - We don't even say you're sorry. And he's like, "I'm not sorry." - Sorry. They're gonna be the only one, I'm the only one, you know? And you guys like, everybody says stuff and you don't have my back. And he's like, "Yes, we do." Like, "Do you know all the stuff we could've said about you "and we didn't?" And he's like, "Yeah, but I'm sick of everybody hating me." So. - Okay, so now that I hate all of you, congratulations. - I love how all these, sir, kids, like everything they do is wrapped up in this pseudo-integrity of wanting to clear their names. Like Kristen's like, "Ugh, seriously? "Like, I need to bring that girl here." So I've been accused of being a liar for so long. Like, "I need to clear my name." I'm like, "Well, you have to clear your name "for a rumor that you started, you know?" Like, or Jax being like, "I need to clear my name. "Everyone thinks I'm starting this stuff, "but you guys are doing it, too. "I need to clear my..." It's like, how about, you know, it's a good way to clear your name. Don't like do shitty things in the first place. - Yeah, don't be fucking terrible in the first place. - Gusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. Just disgusting, oh, oh. So next week, it looks like it's Shino's wedding. I was getting a little worried that Shino's wedding would be the season finale. And I was like, "We can't have Shino's wedding "at the season finale, but it doesn't look like this." - I think they went back and started filming more for the season. - Really? - That's what I heard, that they were trying to film more to extend the season, but they should just always be filming. And it should just be on all the time. - Yeah, and it really could be, 'cause most restaurants funnel through waiters and stuff. I mean, I hear that no one's really even working at Sur anymore. - Probably not. - I mean, why would they have us that? - Who does that? - Who does that? But do they have to keep the same shitty apartment? So I wonder if that's a rule. - I love their shitty apartments, 'cause they're actually like, their apartments are very much like all departments that everyone I know has, you know? - I know, yeah, but you know the second, any of us make any money, we're gonna move. But they don't, they just stay there. - Stasi has a new apartment, and her apartment has her artwork on the walls, and there's a section where she can make her chunky jewelry, because everyone needs a statement piece. Stasi and her art that she makes with duct tape and spray paint. - Who does that? Who makes art on the first floor? I have a second floor where I can make jewelry. Who does that? - Who does that? - Well, Kristina, do something this episode she showed up, and was like, Stasi's like still mad at you. I mean, I assume that's what she said. I don't even remember what she said. - Pretty much what Kristina knows that she has to be nice to other people now, 'cause no, the cameras are not following Stasi around anymore. So I think she's gotten the hint that she needs to be nice to some other people. So now suddenly she's like, "Hi, what are you feeling?" (laughing) - You're so sure, get out of here, bitch. You trick, you ghetto trick, you toxic trick, that's what it is, not ghetto trick, it's toxic. I'm naming our episode as we speak, and it's our bonus episode is not called ghetto trick, it's toxic trick. - But Vivique Fox mentioned ghetto at one point, 'cause that's the whole thing that like, someone mentioned it. - She did, well she said both, but I think toxic trick is funnier. - You should just call it bi-trick, bi-trick, that was her best line. - Bi-trick. - Bi-trick. - Okay. - Bi-trick. - No, it's too late, I already saved it. - Sorry, you lost, 'cause I'm in charge. - Ah. - Is there anything else you would like to discuss? - There's, I mean, we can talk top chef, but I don't really want to. - Okay, I watched top chef because we thought we were gonna be desperate for stuff to talk about this. Well, you didn't, but I-- - We could talk about that. - Yeah, I watched it. I mean, I don't really have anything to say except, boring snooze. - I like it, I mean, I like it, but I'm, you know, whatever, it's like, there's just nothing to talk about, you know, it's boring as hell. - Who do you think's gonna, let's see, we've got Gregory left and Dougie and May. And that's that, I mean, I don't even remember what happened, it was a week ago, I just know that the other Asian girl was kicked off and everyone made good food and Tom was like, "You know, you should all be really proud of yourself, you all did like really good food." And if you lost here, it's not 'cause you lost it's, you know, just other people made better food. It's really great, okay. (laughing) - I was like, "I'm so sorry, Danielle. Please thank you, that's a good one." And that's what they meant to be. - Yeah, Podwyn, they're like, "Oh, you know, this is a aphrodisiac," and she's like, "I'll let you know how it works out later." (laughing) - I love Adma. Well, she posted something funny 'cause remember when Rob Gronkowski was on, do you know who Rob Gronkowski is? - No. - He's on the Patriots, and you know, since the Patriots just won the Super Bowl, which you didn't watch, so then what happened was like two days ago, like a few days after, well, it was like two days after the Super Bowl, Padma posted a picture of her with Rob Gronkowski on Instagram and she goes, "Now that the hoopla is quieting down a bit, my dear Robert, I am so, so very proud of you." Like, come on, Badma, no one calls him Robert. No one calls him Robert, first of all, he's Rob Gronkowski, he's the biggest oaf on the planet. Like, he's not a Robert, he's a Rob, he's like, "Now that the hoopla is dying down," like, "Oh, like, you know, now he can hear you," or something like, "Come on, Padma, give my thanks." - Now he'll see your tweet. - Yeah, but I love her. - Oh, Pod. - I love her, what can I say? I love her. - I like her okay. - I think she's done pretty good for a no talent hooker. - No. - She's got a long way. - I love Padma, she's so beautiful, she's so beautiful, I think she's the best. - That's true, she is very beautiful. And I always tell the story about how that one time I did the red carpet for some real bravo event and Curtis Stone came through and I asked him, 'cause I had to go to a potluck later that night and so I said to him, I was like, "Hey, what should I make for the potluck?" He's like, "Oh, I don't know." Well, what do you have in your fridge? Just like, if you have some beef, grill it up and put it on sale, bring it that, I don't know. It's like really dismissive, but then when I asked Padma, she's like, "Oh, oh my God, okay." Well, you should do this and she gave me a whole recipe right in the spot, I was like, "I love you, Padma." - That she probably stole from somebody else, 'cause I don't care if she can cook. - She is. - Come on, Ben, come on. - She was very doling. - She was very sociable and then two days later, I put on Instagram, "Now that the hoopla's died down, "I just wanna say Padma, congratulations. "I'm so, so, so very proud of you." - Lord Benjamin, I don't even know what to tell you at this point. - Seriously? - Seriously? - Okay, Ben, Padma's done. - She will never be over, she is just a goddess. - No, Padma's not done. She has a long way to go in life, you know? She's gonna finish Top Chef and then she's gonna end up, you know, hosting, QVC stuff probably. I mean, I don't know, she's got a long career ahead of her. - She's, I'm straight, but she is just one sexy lady. I would be her gay, I would be her gay. And he's, I didn't, Padma, anytime you want it, I will become one of the gays and you can go and bravo and say, "I'm inviting my gays and I won't mind "because I'd be your gay." - Ben, you know, that's very, this is a teachable moment, Ben. - Who does that, who volunteers gay? - Who volunteers to be a Pat? I'm telling Andy Cohen, that's disgusting. - You're officially uninvited from my dessert bar. I'm inviting the mayor of Azusa instead. - Hey, is this bonus episode 19 that we did today? Because I thought it's amazing. - It couldn't be. - I don't know, I'm gonna look right now. I'm going on to the SoundCloud.com, watch what Kramp is. - I'm writing bonus episode 19, y'all. I mean, that is some amazing stuff, if you think about it. It's a long time we've been together here doing those bonuses. - I know, and the last few have been really fun. - This one about this celebrity apprentice was very fun. - That's so embarrassing that my alarm is going off at 215. I guess that shows you the lifestyle I'm accustomed to. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - All right, well, let's end this up because basically I am, um... - Disgusting! - I'm disgusting and I'm, I'm done, I'm done with you. I've done speaking with you. - Who, who doesn't? - I would say K by, but the K silent, so I'll just say bye. (laughing) - Oh, away, away. - Everybody, thank you so much for listening to our podcast today. You can find us at Facebook.com/WatchitCrapins, come and talk to us, talk to everybody else. You can support us on patreon.com/WatchitCrapins. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com/WatchitCrapins for bonus episodes, ringtones, and Google Hangouts. You can also go to WatchitCrapins.com for party time. Also, that's to find our social media if you didn't know what party time is. I don't, I don't either, actually. And also we're, I think vote is voting over yet for that podcast thing. Where do they go to? - Yeah, it was like, it was like a two day, like basically being on email being like, congratulations, you're now registered for this contest. And voting closes in two days. I was like, okay. - Thanks a lot, jerks who couldn't even get ourselves some votes. - Someone's got to vote for us. We have to feel-- - We'll never mind. Go to Patreon instead. And please enjoy this lovely Walmart commercial we're about to play for. - Oh, yes, we got sponsors now. By the way, we're at 750 on Patreon, which means in $250 more of dollars worth of pledges. We go up to two full free episodes of WatchitCrapins per week. - Oh my God, that makes me wanna throw up thinking about it and make me so nervous. - I know. - We're gonna talk about the Food Network. Okay, so if you want a Food Network podcast, keep putting money in Patreon because we're close to it. We're gonna have an entire podcast devoted to HGTV and the Food Network, okay? - Yep. - Okay. - Bye everybody. Thanks so much for listening. We will talk to you later at a later time. (upbeat music) - If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network of Watch the new YouTube channel called Wait for It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schlesinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza, our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. (upbeat music) - On Monday, Josh Liebarger made his status. - Peace of the Mondays. - Followed by a frowny face. It got one like in five comments, including dislike. Well, Josh, Geico also wants to make a comment. To turn that emoji's frown upside down. 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Like, did you know that Super Mario, the best selling video game character of all time, only exists because Nintendo couldn't get the rights to pop-eye? Or, Jack, that the idea for the McDonald's Happy Meal first came from a mom in Guadamala from Pez dispensers to Levi's 501s to Air Jorders. Discover the surprising stories of the most viral products. Plus, we guarantee that after listening, you're gonna dominate your next dinner party. So follow the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the best idea yet early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. It's just the best idea yet. (upbeat music)
