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Find the perfect holiday card for you at Shutterfly.com and start customizing today. - Enjoy 40% off your Shutterfly order with promo code Crap and Sporty and send something meaningful this year. Get free shipping on qualified orders. See site for more details. Unlock your imagination with Audible when you listen to audio content in your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Plus, a great narrator can really take things to the next level. There's more to imagine when you listen. - Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts and discover new perspectives, all while multitasking or relaxing. Right now, I'm listening to our friend Alaina Earkhartz, the butcher game. It's a sequel, it's fantastic, it's a serial killer cat mouse. I absolutely love her, I love what she's done and it's really cool and very beautifully told on the Audible version. - And as an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. - New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit Audible.com/crapins or text-crapins to 500-500. That's Audible.com/crapins or text-crapins to 500-500. ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what crap is ♪ ♪ Watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is ♪ - Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from besideblog.com and also the banter blender podcast. And joining me as usual is Ronnie Karam from trashtalktv.com. Hey Ronnie, what's going on? - Hello, Ben. - Ooh, you sound so sultry. Leftovers from your illness from last week, I presume. - Yes, and also my newfound manliness for 2015. - I love newfound manliness. It's so good what I'm talking about. - Yeah, 'cause you're gonna be more of a man, guys. - By the way, there's no way to sound like you don't have newfound manliness than saying I love newfound manliness. - I love my newfound manliness. - Well, guess what? We have some newfound laziness on the podcast today because we have a special guest. It is my good friend, our good friend, I would like to say, and fellow podcaster, it is Angie Thomas from the All the Way podcast. Hey Angie. - Hey guys. - It is, you made it. - She's here. - I'm here, I'm here, hi everybody. - Welcome to the podcast, Angie can be found at All the Way pod, right, on Twitter, is that correct? - Yes, yes, and on SoundCloud, all the way podcast where we talk about everything we'd like and hate about food and whatever we like to put in our mouth. - It's a really fun podcast, and if anyone has an interest in food, I really recommend going over to SoundCloud and listening. I've been a guest, Ronnie's been a guest, and you just did an episode of Lisa Timmons who's been a guest here. - I did, it was just last night, we had a huge play of slightly burnt fried chicken. She was such a, she was a really good guinea pig. - Good, good, well, I'm short-termed out perfectly because you are an excellent chef. - Oh, well, thank you. - So anyway, everyone go listen to that. And then of course, if you wanna follow us on social media, go to watchworkcrapins.com. You find links to all of our Twitter, Instagram, Vine, whatever it is, it's up there, YouTube, really worth following. And of course, it wouldn't be a podcast if we didn't plug our Patreon page, that's patian.com/watchworkcrapins where you can support this podcast. It really means a lot to us. We are up to like $719 or something like that, which is really amazing. We're hoping to get to a thousand. And then we'll get to two episodes a week once we do that. So, you know, if you subscribe-- - Oh Lord, help us two episodes a week. - Well, I know. - Can you imagine the nonsense is gonna be going on if that happens? - Well, we'll be covering, I'm sure, thicker than water. - Thicker than water? - Oh my God. - And we'll be like, this week on The Millionaire Match Me. - Yeah, we'll mix up, we'll put some like varsity shows and JV shows, you know, to make sure they're like good. And of course, you know, that's just us bands. - I'm trying to just let's we're lined up and sold by another slut with a weird plastic face. I watched that show for the first time a couple of weeks ago. What the fuck with that show? - Which one? - That's basically modern prostitution and nobody says anything. - Millionaire Matchmaker? - That Millionaire Matchmaker. I mean, I know I'm a little late to the game, but there's that show kidding. - I know, well, I may watch it this week because Heidi and Spencer are on and I've been nostalgic for the hills. - Wait, they're gonna be on Millionaire Matchmaker? - Yeah, 'cause they're trying to set up Stephanie Pratt. - Oh my. - With a Millionaire or what? 'Cause that bitch ain't a Millionaire. - Yeah, I don't know what's happening. (laughs) It's like the $35 Matchmaker. - Yeah, it's like, you know how there's Tinder? Hey, and you have to be semi-hot to be on Tinder. And then there's like one below it and then one below it. And then you just get like to the ugly app. That's what Millionaire Matchmaker says. - It's like the growler of-- - It's making adult friend finder look classy. - Yeah, totally. - Oh, ouch. - I mean, what's that? - I mean, what's that? (laughs) - It's, you know, when Stephanie Pratt comes along, you know your show's over. I mean, she was sort of like the turning point on the hills anyway, right? When she started prancing around? - Yeah, she was the beginning of the app. - We'll just say that. So if it's a thesis. - Yeah, I was just playing for her. - Yeah, so anyway, also if you support us on Patreon, we get access to things like a bonus episode, which we record every week and it's soup's fun. We usually just talk about, who knows what we talk about? We talk about-- - Nothing really. - Sometimes we talk about crosswalks and sometimes we actually talk about bravo stuff, talk about serial podcasts. We actually have a fun time doing that. And then we, of course, there's hangouts and things like that. So anyway. - Oh, and our hangout is next week, next Thursday. Right, Ben? - Sure, let's do it. - Nice. - Yeah. - So yeah, our next listener hangout is next Thursday night, seven p.m. Pacific time. And we'll give you more details in, but just get ready to get on video chat. And party guys. - And y'all, they are real, real cute. You need to come look at these boys. - Oh, and you should come on too. - Well, I'm Growler Cute. - No, you're everything cute. - Ben, pretty tender cute. - Oh, thank you. - Ben, you posted a pretty hot profile picture this week. I was like, well-- - Well, you know what it was funny? I took that picture like a few months ago on my Instagram. Another reason to follow. And I realized I hadn't seen my Facebook profile picture in about five months. So I thought, okay, let me change it to something. And I've only taken one good photo in the past five months and it was that one. So I'm like, well, that'll be the profile picture. Me looking at the sultry-- - I mean a good cover picture. You know the big picture on Facebook, the cover? - Yeah. - So I don't know. If someone wants to make me a cover photo, I'll use it. Send it over. I've still got a New Year's one over and that shit's done. - I don't even know what my cover picture is anymore. I really don't remember. But anyway-- - You should put the tuxedo. - Oh, no, the tuxedo is on the banter one. Anyway, we're doing some bonus episode shit right now. We do some proper shit. - Yeah, we're just talking. - We did do some proper shit. - Okay, but before we get official, can I say one thing? I just want to say, I want to make an announcement that I'm going to try and stop using the C word. Okay, I get that it's gross. When I hear myself, when I hear myself say it, I'm like, oh, I can't believe I said that. When I say it, I think it's really funny and fun to say it. But then when I hear it later, I feel gross. So I guess I'm sorry. - That was a real bravo apology. - Olivia Pope has been working with me. - If I-- - She's taught me how to handle special situations in the press. - That is, you are learning from the best of housewives, which is to say if I-- - I'm sorry you guys can't take the C word. - If I had to do, I'm sorry. - Yeah, I'm sorry you guys are so easily offended. No, I'm just kidding. No one really even complained. But I heard myself because I had to paste a lot of pieces together last week for the podcast. And I feel like every time there was a cut, it was with me saying the C word. I was like, what is wrong with you? Why are you calling people that? Stop it. It was 2015. Like, this is one I need to make goals. And I know I'm not going to be getting any thinner. And I know I'm not going to be making any more money. And I know I'm not going to do any of that. So at least I could do it, stop saying the C word. - Yes. Yes, I like it. You'll get good karma out of it, I think. - OK. - Or at least fewer pieces of hate mail. So anyway, we had a lot of fun stuff. A lot of fun stuff on Bravo was lighting up our Facebook page, which by the way, we're like 25 people away from hitting 3,000 likes. - Woo hoo. - Can we start with Atlanta, because I am still fired up. And it's only been, it's like, that was on Sunday. And I'm fired up, it's Wednesday, I'm still fired up. - I love that show. - It looks so good. - So good. By the way, we should mention that Angie is both black and from the south. So we have-- [LAUGHTER] - That's the only reason I'm here. [LAUGHTER] - There we go. So could you represent everyone, please, thanks. - This is like the special CNN correspondent. [LAUGHTER] - You're that one black lady on Fox. - Well, it's actually funny. It's actually funny because Angie and I were texting yesterday. And I'm jumping ahead a little bit. We're going to get to the whole show down at the end of the Atlanta episode. But we're talking about how Claudia told Nini, like, when you're my age, that means that you had edges. And I was like, oh, did that mean that she was calling her fat because she doesn't have edges anymore? And I'm just like, no, oh, no, no, no. And by the way, Angie, perhaps you want to explain for those of people who are as clueless as I was. - Sure. As our Southern black representative. - Here, I have my finger on my earpiece, like in the name. - Yes. [LAUGHTER] - Hi, Ben. - Hi, yes. Edges are when you have been wearing some type of hair piece, a wig, or a weave for many, many years. And your hairline has receded to the back of your head. You no longer have edges. You may have heard this being used by-- - Oh, it's like a hairline? - It's your hairline. It's most often used in correlation with Naomi Campbell. - Oh, OK. - That's hilarious, because she has alien head now. - Meaning as a lack of edges. - By the way, I really like how you explain that in full Nancy Grace voice. [LAUGHTER] Now, Ben, what I want you to know, people have edges, and they put hair pieces in. They lose it. - They take a canoe out at 4 AM for a little time away from their wife if they weren't killing her. - Who would put a hair piece in their hair and then say to have edges? Tell me that. - I'm beautiful. - I'm always happy to help. - I thought-- I'm so glad you said that, because I'm like, yeah, Ben, you're so white. I thought it meant like edge. Like you lost your edge. You know what I mean? - Well, you did, kind of. Yeah, you lost your edges. That's not good. - Yeah, I thought that's what it meant. Like, you lost your edge. Because that show's always making up new words for existing words. So I thought that that's what was going on. - Well, I guess to say to someone, like, you had edges, I guess the translation of that insult is what? That you're old now that you're-- Is that you're hated to have a hairline in the night? - Well, it also is shade because it's shade like, you don't have nice hair because you've had to wear weaves. So it's kind of a devil in touch. It's sort of like, I'm going to hit you with the no. I'm hitting you because you have no hairline, and that's because you have-- you've always had to wear weaves. So, you know, it's like a once-- - Yeah, and it's been a long time. - Once you're old. It's been a long time-- - It's like a typical young new housewife, you know, criticism, like, you're old. - Well, but the thing, it would have been, no, no, a young housewife criticism, or shade, Ronnie, please, would be to say you're old, but a savvy one would be to say, when you were my age, you had edges. Which is like-- - Right, which is kind of-- - It's like it's clever, it's like, it's like, bam, it's wordplay. So why don't we rewind to the beginning of the episode? And then we are going to lead up to the big fight that capped off this episode, okay? So, let's see when it all started. I mean, there was some, there was some, like, the typical kind of like, quote unquote, lifestyle, slice of life scenes where Claudia went to the podiatrist and we saw a whole bunch of bunnions and corns, which was very pleasant. (laughs) - Yeah. - Did you guys enjoy that? - No. - No, Ronnie? - Ronnie's been sunning, we've lost Ronnie. He's sunning. - Uh-oh, just the thought of that has just, like, put him over again. - Just the thought of that. - Just the thought of those feet. I mean, I was just sort of like, they are really reaching. I mean, this is content, we're going to the podiatrist. - Right, well I-- - Two podiatrists, but still. - Well, I've got those feet. - I would prefer the podiatrists versus another trip to the spray tan or, like, vagina-laxing. - Oh, yeah. - You know, like, how many times do you have to see that happen, you know? - Well, I don't know. - Yeah, that's a new one. - Yeah, that's true. But she has a kind of interesting job. I mean, she's on a national radio show, but I guess they've already done that. - Yeah, I mean, this is just like, it was a little something. So, okay, so there's the podiatrist thing. Then, I think the next major thing was that we saw, so we have this Demetria character. Former star of House of Pain. Who, her whole thing is that she wants to be a singer, as if anyone cares. Like, who cares about Demetria, whatever her last name is. - Demetria is like the Edith of this show. If you guys watched out in Abbey, it's like, one thing good happens to Demetria. I mean, this poor fucking girl. This girl is like, Charlie fucking crap. Nothing good happens for Demetria. And she's like the prettiest girl, too. She's so beautiful. - She is beautiful. - She works so hard. It's like, the world just sits on her head, and it's hilariously consistent. - She, I mean, she does not know what she's getting involved with. She's like, oh great, I'm gonna get into the mix with these real housewives. Like, honey, you were like 12 years old. Although, I guess according to Phaedra, you're closer to 40. But she is young, and she is just not on the same level with these women, and she is just getting eaten up every single episode. - Oh my God. - Come see my music video. The music video doesn't work. - Doesn't work. - Look at my billionaire boyfriend. Half this room was fucked him. Oh my God, fourth thing. So she was singing in the booth, and then Nina and Phaedra come over to say hi, whatever. And Phaedra is like, you know, her usual. - Why do people ever let themselves be taped singing in the booth on TV? That never works out well. - Well, because she's singing-- - I mean, I don't care if it's Mariah fucking Kerry in front of that tree. I don't care who it is. You better track that shit, because nobody sounds good when the camera comes in, and they're in the booth. Nobody. - Well, I should probably think this is gonna like lead to a role on Empire or something if they see her like in the booth. So the thing is that Phaedra is, if I remember correctly, Phaedra starts in with a whole bunch of shady things. Like she's like, you should be doing gospel and folk singing, right? And instead of being a pop star, right? - Oh my gosh, yeah. - Yeah, that was so funny. And then she's like-- - Phaedra's such a bitch. - Oh my gosh. - Yes, she is. - That was so funny. She's like, ain't you a little old to be singing that pop songs, girl? Come on, now, you need, you're like, you need to be more like milk to sing those songs. You're more like yogurt. Just sat out, milk sat out on the counter for too long. - I think that there's a, the divorce is bringing out this like really kind of bitterness in Phaedra, did you think that? - Oh yeah, absolutely, absolutely. - Yeah, and she's like, she's fallen into that trap that the housewives all fall into where once they've been there a couple of years, they're suddenly very threatened by anybody new and they all have to be really mean to the new people. It's so sad because it's always older ladies being mean to younger ladies and it's so comfortable. - They're not even really, I mean that girls, I mean, they're only maybe five years apart. - Really that girl in Phaedra? - Yeah. - Well Phaedra's probably like 39 or so, 40? - Yeah, probably. I mean, I think she just, she carries herself as this kind of wise older woman, but she's not that much older than her. But yeah, it just seems to me like the past two or three episode, she's so like sour and she's always kind of-- - I like it. - You do? - I like crabby's Phaedra because she's always trying to be like, well, I'm not going to say anything because I'm a Southern vet. But like, I like 'cause she is the worst 'cause she is the shadiest of them all. - She really is. - And now that she's like letting it out, it's hilarious. All her little things, like when she's been-- - Phaedra said that she played a crack whore? - Shadra. - Yeah, shadra. When Demetra said she played a crack whore and she's like, "Oh, you do smoke crack for that?" - Oh, come on. But it's also like, why are they, this girl is not a threat to them in any way? Do you know what I mean? It's just kind of, I feel like that's sort of low-hanging fruit. They just, they drove over there to be mean to her. - Yeah, well, that's what they do. And, you know, I also feel like this is what girls do, to be honest. - Hey! - I feel like girls get really threatened by new girls. Isn't that like the thing? Isn't that what you guys do? - Well, we are knowledge of girls and how wise-- - And gays too, and gays too, by the way, gays too. (laughing) - We've been way too colored by housewives shows. Like, our opinions are way too informed. It's ridiculous. Like, women, and all they don't wanna do is fight and throw tea parties. (laughing) - All you wanna do is have fashion shows. Women in real life actually have jobs, and friends, and brains, and hair, real hair. - So, despite the fact that people, like, she had a beef, didn't she, she had a, she had a Roger Bob beef with someone. Who did she have Roger Bob beef with with Kenya? - Gochia. - And, oh, Portia, right? - Gochia. - Oh, no, no, it was Gochia, but the, but remember, she also had an issue 'cause Kenya, something about Kenya, like, not denying that she was linked. - I was worried, yeah. - So anyway, this girl, Demetri out, she's so desperate that she pays for an all, expense-paid trip to Puerto Rico for the entire cast. - Roger Bob paid for that. - Well, Roger Bob, aka Bravo, I mean, let's be honest. - Yeah. - Roger Bob isn't paying for anything, did you see that office? That was, like, IKEA and rent a room, I'm sure. - Roger Bob's not doing anything. He's got a firsty firsty. - Oh, really? - So, so they all go to Puerto Rico, and am I missing anything from pre- Puerto Rico? Did anything happen before they went to Puerto Rico? - My notes say, "feet, candy, sex, lunch, Kenya, assistant." So, we talked about feet. Candy talked about sex, I guess, with Demetri out, talking about fucking Roger Bob, which I didn't really need to hear. - Oh, yeah, about putting a vibrator under the balls, well, I mean. - Oh, yeah. And also I was imagining Candy using all those sex toys on her little midget, and it made me think of that movie under the rainbow with all the midgets in the Little Wizard of Oz movie, or not midgets, little people, sorry. She's like, "See?" "No." (laughs) - What was that? - Do you know how to tell your ball, your man's ball, and your finger, and then pay your finger. - That is true. (sings) Now, what you gotta do is see, now, ride it. I'm like, "Rile it, take this lipstick, "and use it for them to your man's balls." But, ride it. (laughs) - Yeah, okay, what was she talking about? She's like, "Put this lipstick on, "and then go down on your man while you're playing "with his balls." - Oh, no, that's a lie. - Oh, no, no. And how do you go from, okay, we're having this sit down so that you can apologize. Oh, I'm really sorry that I totally set you up. Oh, it's fine, will you record my new song? Like-- (laughs) - Oh, yeah, yeah, that was a ball. - You're a mogul, it's fine, abuse me. - And also, by the way, don't you have a-- - That's my favorite word. (laughs) - Don't you, by the way, have a manager named Roger Bob, who's supposed to be sending you, you as the artist are not supposed to be doing that stuff, right? - Yeah, you're not supposed to be going door to door, trying to say-- (laughs) (groans) - So, he's like, "I don't know." (screams) Nah, Todd. - Don't be tardy. - Yeah, she's still scarred. But how about this time you actually write out a contract with how much you're gonna get paid, and how much you're gonna make instead of just trusting some gold-inging stripper to pay you? - Yeah, and along those lines, I'm still waiting for the ring didn't mean a thing to come to be released on iTunes. Whoa! - That's amazing! - Whoa! - That's amazing! - Oh! - Oh! - Well, this girl can actually sing, and she's cute, and she should just write her song about Roger Bob. - Yeah. - Since they love to say that name so much. - Yeah, Roger Bob. - Roger Bob, Roger Bob. (laughs) - Drop Bob. - Drop Bob. - It's gonna be Roger Bob. - Roger Bob. (laughs) - Oh, I thought you were gonna do some freestyling runny. - Oh me? - Roger Bob, Bob, Bob, Roger Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. - Roger Bob, Roger Bob, Roger Bob, Roger Bob. - Roger Bob, Roger Bob, Roger Bob, Roger Bob. - Roger Bob, Roger Bob, Roger Bob, Roger Bob. - Good song, I would buy it. - That's good. - So anyway, so they all go to Puerto Rico, and they go into like a little boutique hotel, which is cute. And then this is when Demetria starts her anti-faedra shady campaign, which is always hilarious to me, because that's really the worst way to handle it, to be like, I'm so glad you guys are all here. I'm so glad you're all here. Like, I just, it's so great. This whole group is wonderful. Although, I do have to say, "Faedra, I don't know, I got a little bit of shade from me." Like, uh-oh. (laughing) - Oh, here she is already trying to make her mark. - I'm like, you are barking up the wrong tree. This is-- - It's like a chihuahua coming out and peeing on the first little flower it sees. Save it up, there's a tree down the block. - Yeah, like, you don't, this is nothing. If this is bothering you, this is nothing Demetria. - Yeah, but you know what, they were so nasty to her, and like, when they came into her fitting, and Faedra had the audacity to kind of like, approve the outfits as if, you know, she has any kind of style or taste in the way. - Well, I'm also applying that the other one was hideous. She's like, "Oh, this one I love me." - Oh, yeah. - And we're all under the pretense that they're her guests. Like, who talks to your host like that? Me, you know, if we're gonna believe that she's, you know, invited in there, that was rude. - Yeah, well, I mean, when they walked in, I mean, Nini, I mean, all the backhanded comments that Nini'd be like, "Okay, it's small, it's small, "but I wonder what Nick do." And then she's like, "It's a room." She's like, "Oh, it's okay. "We'll make, I'm gonna have to take this table here, "this is small, I can make it too, I can make it too." I'm like, "Damn right, you can make it too. "You're from Athens, Georgia, okay? "You were not reading so many." Okay, you know, it's fine. A bed is a bed is a bed, okay? And I know you're like a giant moose, but you can fit in that bed, okay? And it's free, it's free, so stop complaining. The couch, bitch. It's a free trip to Puerto Rico. That motel, Six in Athens, has nothing on this place, all right? Totally. Yeah, I mean, it's just like, it's so tacky and so obnoxious. The entitlement that she has, you know, she, I mean, she really walks around like, she thinks she's, you know, Meryl Streep, she ain't. Yeah. (laughs) She's like, she's like-- Her wigs are the best thing about this season, my God. Oh my God, we have to talk. Do you think that that she's doing that on purpose? I think she's having fun with it, but no, I would think she's surrounded by like, a lot of kids ask people who just say yes to everything and no one can help her out as stupid as she is. Whoever put her in that Prince Valiant thing, it hates her. It's like, he man meets Bruce Falanche. It's the Hulk. Yeah, it's, well, I like something that it looked like uncooked promenoodles on her head. Not even that one, that one's like, tolerable. I'm talking about that dried, straw, chucky thing that she is wearing in her confessionals. What? No, I'm sorry. No, it is truly the most ill-advised see-a-wannabe moment in pop culture. See-a, yes, see-a-later, see-a-later new. (singing in foreign language) She should turn around and not show her face like see is doing right now. I would love that. I would love that. You need to sing it to a corner by your way. Imagine like a little baby Neenie. (singing in foreign language) Imagine a little baby Neenie dancing around on couches and stuff. No. (laughing) You know, I don't like anybody. Yeah, tossing herself on a dirty mattress. Being chased by a child of both. (laughing) Ugh. Oh, she was just- No, that's, no, that is definitely an ill-advised weave for a wig or whatever. Neenie's just doing the housewife thing where she has to be fighting at all. I think she went out and made up with everybody and it was like, oh shit, now I'm not gonna have a storyline. I'm gonna get fired. And so she was like, screw it. Let's just pretend that never happened. And now she's gonna just keep fighting with everybody. That's how they have to be on these shows. And there were reports before all these seasons began, actually, that the contracts are different now. So they don't have full year contracts now. They only have like quarter year contracts or something. So if they're not fighting or putting out, then they get fired and the next one is brought in. That's why this one has like a line of women ready to come in. But you know what I- But you know what I thought at the same time, like I get that they have to fight, but there was a fun, you know, Neenie, there was a period of time when Neenie was like the favorite. Like she was considered like favorite housewife of all. And she was great 'cause she would fight. She would tear someone apart and she would laugh. And it was great. But now she's cocky and conceited. So when she's fighting, like I get that she has to fight, but it's like, it's awful and it's mean spirited. And it's just vile. - I don't think they have to fight. I just think that that's the easiest to go to to be entertaining, you know. - Right. - 'Cause here the hell wants to watch her walk, you know, walk through fucking Creighton Barrow with Greg behind her with her first. - Yeah. - You know, that's her whole life. - With his toilet. - I don't wanna watch Neenie at Baja Fresh. - Home goods, you mean? Well, don't they shop at home goods? - Yeah, home goods. - Chick-fil-A actually is real housewives of Atlanta. - Yeah, and they go to like Rosie Mexicana a lot. - Yeah. - Although Rosie Mexicana is kind of good. So anyway, so finally, after all this silliness, of like all the obnoxiousness of how they check in and stuff, everyone assembles for dinner. - Oh wait, Ben, can you just mention the bag that Portia's handbag? - Oh, the fact that it was like bought by one of the African princes, right? - Well, it was a Birken bag. That's an Hermes bag. It's $80,000. - Oh, I didn't know that. - Yeah, oh, look, they mentioned it. Yeah, they talked about it. - I mean, they talked about that. It was like an expensive bag. I had no idea that it was $80,000. - Oh, no, oh, yeah. - I was thinking like a thousand dollars or so. - No, no, no. And, you know, there are a lot of like fake ones, but I don't, I'm not really sure. I mean, she is, isn't she driving like a Bentley? I mean, it all is going together. - Well, she's a, she's a taken woman, right? - Yeah, but I mean, that's like, that's, there's, it's either a Birken bag or a Kelly bag. I can't, I think that's a Birken bag, but there's like a wait list to get that, like, yeah. - You could buy it like three babies for that. - Like Lisa Vanderpump probably has one. - Right. Well, Portia definitely does not have the money for it, but-- - Well, they both earned it the same way. - Ooh. - That's right. At least Lisa's got some flowers for her restaurant and stuff, though, Portia. - Lisa bought her. - Yeah, Lisa works, Lisa works. - Yeah, Lisa works. - Well, Portia works, she just works at, she works at it. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I kind of love Portia. - Portia's like-- - You don't remember how hard swallowing is until you get a cold, but I'll tell you, just coming out of it. (laughing) - It is, that is, it's true. - It's not Portia. - Well, she has a big mouth. She has a big mouth. - Yeah. - She can fit a lot in there. So, anyway, so everyone gets together. Birkin bags are left back in the rooms. And they're all there. And then, I think Demetra is the one who's like, "Faedra, I just want to like address something with you." I thought like the things you were saying were shady, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Portia's kind of like, you know, she doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to admit it. So she starts snapping back, whatever. And these two start to bicker, you know? And Demetra has like her one rehearsed line all pent up. She's like, "Well, there's one number between us, "and that's eight, as in I've had mine for eight "and yours is going away from me. "And therefore, that is the number between us, "and that is my shade for today." (laughing) - And I like that everybody looked at Phaedra like she was a bitch. I mean, Phaedra was being a total bitch. But here you have some yappy little hoe coming at you who you don't even know, who Phaedra probably was just trying. I mean, she was being rooted the thing. She was probably just trying to be funny. I mean, I don't know. - I just, do you swim, it's too much. - I do think that's Phaedra was-- - Like, look for a real fighter, right? Sit down over there. And then why is it okay to suddenly make fun of somebody's husband going to jail? I mean, if this were Jersey, you would have been shunned. - Well, what was funny was that then Phaedra's response was to say, she was like, "Well, I got a ring. "I got a ring. "I got a ring." I'm like, "Oh, now you care about that ring now." - And you bought that ring yourself. - You bought for real from a convict. - You took that shit off a dead person. - Yeah. (laughing) - Let's not, let's not forget the real shady scheme here. - Oh, I didn't buy that shit, please. - I mean, I think that when Phaedra is being shady, yeah, she is making some passive aggressive digs, but I didn't think they were like the worst, and she probably didn't even realize she was making them 'cause she's so inherently shady. So it's like what you guys said, like-- - So she's hanging out with Mimi. It's like she's-- - Yeah! - Anyway, you know, both the horrible people in this episode were hanging out with Mimi. Portia and Phaedra. - Yeah. - 'Cause Portia used to be like so kind of dumb and sweet, and I hate to say that like, I like women better when they're dumb, but she was like, it was sort of cute when she left her husband and she got a little empowered, and she was like-- - I liked that, I love her. - Yeah, it was sweet, I mean, but then now she's just, she's becoming this little mini beast, and it's like, ooh. - She's just trying to get back on, and she's just like a spoiled brat now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And meanwhile, also, we should talk about, before Demetra even confronted Phaedra, there was this like wonderful, like, what is it called to arms, whatever? We're both sides of the table, we're sort of like, declaring the line in the sand by their drink orders, you know? - Oh, that was the worst. - It was like, one side of the table all wanted, but like wine or something, and the other side was like, Nini had this ridiculous drink where she was like, she's like, ♪ I have a whiskey with lemonade ♪ ♪ And this and and and and and and ♪ ♪ And this person's like, let me just clap this out ♪ ♪ Flash ♪ ♪ Flash ♪ - Oh, yeah, she's like, I'm gonna teach you how to make a drink. - Oh, God. - She's like, she's like-- ♪ Get some hussy ♪ ♪ I cook free sons ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ She's like-- ♪ ♪ Do you have any fava love ♪ ♪ Get some, get some so-co and some fava love ♪ - Mashed up a waffle fry from Chick-fil-A. Stir it in there with a little sour cream. - They had some ketchup and some creme de men. - She wishes she has to do some saunjur mane, please. - Oh, yeah, that's right, she was some saunjur mane. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's right. - She's like a way to get on it, meaning way to drink five years ago. - I know, exactly. - She heard Ryan Murphy mention it. - Yeah. (laughing) - She's like, "Sansur mane." (laughing) She's like, "That's how I'm gonna name my next son, "Sansur mane, S-A-N-J-E-R-M-A-Y-N-E." So then the fadron wanted one, two, then portion one, and it was like this whole thing, at each side I was like, using the other like, "Ooh, I guess Nini has her followers." I guess Kenya has her followers, it was so, so then-- - And they both do, that's what happens. - They do. - Both the alphas have their minions sitting over on the side. - And Kenya's kind of acting like she's so tough, she's like, "Well, I see everybody's over there with Nini. "Can you, what should I say?" - Thank you. - Well listen, here's the thing. So first, there was like a moment of clarity. So what happens, the bickering started to get like, you know, there's a lot of bickering, and then on top of it there was like this, kind of like middle school, side taunting, like subtle side taunting where like Nini would whisper something to like, Porsche or something, and they'd like, snicker, you know? And it was just like, it was like, very mean girls, it was gross, it was awful. And Cynthia actually was a voice of reason first, and she was like, "Well, you know, it's fine." She was like, "It's fine if fadron didn't, "if fadron doesn't believe she was shady, it's fine, "but I don't see what's wrong with fadron saying, "I'm sorry, that made you feel that way, you know?" Which is actually, that's like a mature thing to do, which is like, I didn't realize I was doing that, so I'm sorry, you know, that it came off that way, and I'm sorry that you got hurt, you know? That's how you squash something, and that's how you act as an adult, right? And then everyone was like-- - And then there's how you act in Atlanta. - Yeah, and then there's that. (laughing) And then they acted as if-- - But I didn't even hear the end of what you were saying, 'cause I was like staring at a wall. Like I really bored, not because of you, but because of that general way of behaving, like, okay, you know, if you see a lion, normally he's just laying there, right? And doing nothing, he's just being a lion. Who wants to watch that? But when you watch him ripping apart a chihuahua, they'll put it on TV. - Yeah. - I don't want to sit there and watch people be nice. - No, I know. - But they have to find a way to be vicious in a way that's not, it's almost like Geraldo, like you're just watching it because you know he's eventually gonna get a chair thrown at him, 'cause someone did it before. - Yeah, so now. - I mean, I understand, it's weird. I guess you bring up an interesting point, which is that there is kind of like this dichotomy that you go through, which is that on the one hand, you're like, why don't they just act like normal human beings? And on the other hand, it's like you're foaming at the mouth, waiting for like the fist to fly, you know? - Yeah, so I get that. - So I get that. - So I'm like, that really hills are being normal. And I'm like, what's this about? Why isn't anybody fighting? So it's like-- - But you know what though? - They can't win. - It's just my way of being sanctimonious and being like, this is how you should-- - Oh no, yeah, no, I didn't mean you personally. I just meant like as an audience member, you know? You're like, this is how it should be. But then it's like, sometimes I find myself reading message boards about real housewives. And I'm reading like thousands of comments of these, you know, women from wherever fighting with each other over what the women on TV are doing. And I'm feeling like so much better than them. And I'm like, what losers? I mean, these people can't even spell in these comment sections and look in the fighting over what Nini said. And then I'm like, yeah, you devote your whole life to that. And then it sends me on this whole mind trip. And then I start thinking about choices. And then I start thinking about what's becoming of me. And then I start thinking about 40. - Oh no, it's this year, isn't it? (laughs) Well, either way, so there was more cross talk, whatever. And then finally Claudia decided to step in. And this to me was like a watershed moment. - Oh, absolutely. - This was like three years, like, it took, 'cause I think Nini has basically been like a villainous beast for three years and like that two years before that, she was on the way to that. But she's been awful for three years, like full on, awful. - And even like Kenya, Kenya did really kind of come in and revitalize this show. I mean, say what you will, but she can play the hell out of this real housewives game. And she makes the show really fun. But even she, what Claudia did, even Kenya has not been able to, and I also think it needed to happen right now because just even like we're joking about the Saint-Germain, but like that is kind of encompasses how crappy her behavior is right now. Just like the entitlement, the rudeness, like yeah, it's just sort of like we're gonna just put an end to this. - Yes, no, exactly. Because Kenya, when Kenya has come out and Nini in the past, Kenya gets wrapped up and like she can't, she loses her cool. - And Kenya's crazy. - Kenya's crazy, she can't let her like a crazy person. - Yeah, she does. She loses her cool and then just wind up yelling at each other. So Claudia, however, Claudia was, I thought, razor sharp. I thought Claudia, as Candy said, she was just like reading her like crazy. She just dismantled Nini so efficiently with a laugh and a smile. She didn't lose her cool, you know, she had a few lines that were like, not so great. They were like, okay. But like, I always feel like any time they go to like the stripper thing, like it's never like, that's not like the strongest shade that they could do. - Right. - But. - Oh, ma'am, she had Nini losing her mind. - She was so upset that's why she had to say call her a half-breed because she, when she pushed it, she poked that bear in that corner and now she's, you know, gonna kill her. - Yeah. Now you have to call her a half-breed. Well done, Nini, just shows her colors, you fucking lose her butt. - Yeah, exactly. - You're getting up the end for Nini. - Yeah. - Meanwhile, Claudia, I mean, I loved when, you know, she starts like questioning Nini's education. My favorite, I think my favorite line is when she was like, she's like, oh, you went to college? And Nini's like, yes, I'm very college educated. - Yeah. - I wrote that down too. - As if there's like a quantity of, like, - Corny. - Oh my God, what she said. And then, and then Claudia was like, spell bridesmaids. - The essence of silence. - Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. - The essence, I mean, that was so good. - And then, I mean, she, and I loved, you mentioned before, I loved, it was in an interview, but I loved when she called Nini's wig top ramen noodle, like, uncooked top ramen noodles. So brilliant. And then there were some, what were some other things? What were other lines that Claudia had, do you remember? - She thought there was-- - That was the bad, that was the only one that I wrote down. Oh, you know what I liked? When, well, first she's like, I think Claudia was like, oh, you're like the puppet master, you know? And he's like, oh, I'm the puppet master, I'm the puppet master and all these jobs, all these jobs. I think Claudia's like, which jobs? The ones I got canceled. - Oh, yes, yes, yes, I was like-- - Which nobody's ever thrown in her face, it's true. - It's true, it's very true. It was-- - Classed. - Brilliant. It was like, to me, I was like, ah, it's like sweet release, three years of frustration, and finally someone has destroyed me. - Again, the age thing, because Claudia's, you know, like in her 40s, and I think, I don't know how old Nina is, but it's true, she's like, yeah, you look at me and you look at me and you're older than me. - Yeah, mm-hmm. - And Nina used to look really young, but season one, when she had that long hair, she looked really young, and then she had that short, like, sort of variations on Mary J. Blige hair ever since, and it's just like, it makes her look old. - Classic surgery makes you look older. - Miss Chicklet T. (laughing) - Fix your teeth. (laughing) - Fix your teeth. - Fix your teeth. - I'm very rich, bitch. Oh, and she started doing that again too. I'm rich, I'm very wealthy. - Yeah, I got money in the bank. It's like, it's so awful, awful, awful behavior. - It's embarrassing to watch her, and it's hilarious, it's not embarrassing to her at all. She's just. - With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. When Mint Mobile says $15 a month when you purchase a three month plan, they mean it. - Oh my goodness, I cannot tell you how many times with other mobile providers, I thought I was gonna be paying one thing per month, and then surprise, I'm paying much more, and I just love that Mint Mobile is straight up. - All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. - Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. 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And by the way, when people ask who did your nails, where did you get them done? You're gonna proudly say, I did them myself. Get 20% off your first Manny system with code freshmany20@olivenjoon.com/freshmany20. That's code freshmany20 for 20% off at olivenjoon.com/freshmany20. - I mean, that was David and Goliath. I mean, it was so beautiful. - I had literally watched that fight over again throughout the week. I never do that. It was just so, it made me so happy. So then of course, I went to the internet, which is my favorite thing to do. And I do a new search for Claudia Jordan. So first thing that pops up is radar online. This piece of shit, this piece of shit publication clearly has some sort of deal with Nini or something like that. - They do. They're notorious for making deals with the housewives. - Yeah, because they have-- - And also, these housewives contact all the blogs, all the housewives blogs and try and make deals with them to take stories back or to change their stories. I mean, so gross. - Because radar online is like, it's official, Claudia Jordan is now the most hated housewife. I was like, what? And they're like, we spoke to sources on the set and they're like, yeah, everyone hates Claudia. There's one thing that all the housewives can agree on, that they hate Claudia. And it's like this really caddy, ridiculous article that was based on nothing. And there wasn't even a story there, you know? And I was like, this is so obviously planted by Nini's people. Like it's not a bit more obvious because everyone that I've been seeing, everyone I've seen on Facebook and Twitter, social media, everyone has been like cheering Claudia Jordan. - Oh yeah, America's sweetheart. - America's sweetheart. She's like, risen to like talk to a housewife. - She looks like it, she kind of is. Yeah, she is, so then I did some more searching and this is where things get really interesting. So you remember, was it last week when Claudia and Nini encountered each other for the first time? You remember that? - Oh yeah, and she kind of came up to her. - And Nini was like, huh? And that was it. And Claudia was like, but we know each other and he was like, oh, well, we're not friends, you know? So here's the backstory. And I think this is told to like realityt.com, whatever. And I think Claudia, I think maybe they got it 'cause Claudia I think mentioned it on her radio show. - It's someone's hairstylist, go ahead. - Yes, no, but this is really good. And there's like, there is some evidence to back this up. Back in like three, this is how they know each other. Back in like 2009, Nini was like tweeting at Claudia Jordan and was like asking Claudia to accept her friend request on Twitter, okay? So Nini was like wanting to be friends with Claudia, you know, 'cause at this point Claudia had been on a celebrity apprentice, I believe. And she had hosted the Miss Universe pageant. So Claudia had some level of fame and Nini was trying to get in with that. So Nini was like trying to be friends there and she was sending all these like super friendly tweets. So there's one up on realityt from November 29, 2009 where it's like Nini leaks saying, at Claudia Jordan, people hate because they can't do what you do. So do you, boo boo. So this is Nini, 2009, kissing this woman's ass, the fame horror that she is. So apparently, you know, they got to know each other and they would see each other events and they'd post with each other in photos and everything. And Nini had asked Claudia to fill in for her at an event. Nini was gonna host an event and so Claudia hosted an event for Nini 'cause Nini couldn't be there. So then when Nini, so when Claudia showed up in Atlanta on this show, and Nini was like, "Oh, hi." That's why Claudia was like, "What the fuck?" Like, we've known each other and you wanted to be friends with me all these years and you were the one who like asked me to host an event for you. So that's the story. - Wow. - How shady is that? - I think it was something. - Yeah. - Real shit. - Now I'm reading Claudia Jordan's Twitter because we were talking about it. And she's, her first tweet is, "Until someone invents a time machine, "all one can do once they mess up is take," well, I assume she meant to take, "take responsibility for their actions "and do better moving forward." And I was like, "What?" But then I kept reading and it turns out she said something mean about someone named Tiny Major Mama, whoever the hell that is. - Exactly. (laughs) - What'd she say about her? Is that some magic? - Is that Tani so much Tani Tai? - Oh, Tani's wife, maybe. Oh yeah, 'cause that's Tani, their kid's name is-- - Oh, Tani's Tequila. - Oh, God. Wait, no, Tani is married to Tai and their child is called Major. - Oh. - I'm sorry Mama that I know all this stuff. (laughs) - Oh, yeah, so I got your B-sitting like-- - I got your B-sitting like that. - As if you go to college. 'Cause I did go to college. (laughs) - They teach you that in college. (laughs) They're like, "Okay, who's Tani Tani Tani Major, Major, "Mage, a Twitter?" (laughs) (laughs) - Multiple choice. Fill in the blank. - Oh, so that's basically the gossip that I have. - I just think Claudia is actually, I'm really curious how they're gonna play this because she's in the best position. She could kind of take over the show now. - Yeah, well, hopefully she just stays smart. - Yeah, 'cause I've liked her all season, to be honest. I was afraid she's gonna come on and be like a whatever, but I've enjoyed her even when she hasn't been fighting. I feel like she does her, keep it real. She's funny, there's something very relatable about her. I've liked her stories. - I mean, she showed those feet on TV, you've gotta give her some props. - No, she's actually the perfect person in this because she's not, I feel like Phaedra has this really fake persona, Southern Belle thing that's so false. Kenya's the crazy one. Portia's the kind of dumb one. I feel like Claudia is just kind of coming in, being herself, she's gorgeous. Everybody likes to look at her. And she's in a really good position to sort of spend, she could get a lot of attention from this, meaning she could sort of sway this to stay on it for a while. - Yeah, I think she could. And of course, what's gonna happen next to that, Kenya's gonna turn on her and they're gonna fight. I mean, that's next season. - Probably, yeah. - I don't think so because she just brought, she just showed up on celebrity apprentice to support Kenya, you know. She was like, well, that was taped way last year though. So who knows, that's been in the cantaloupe. Nevermind. - That's so many wigs ago. - Yeah, yeah, that was a long time. - But also Claudia joined this week. - How many wigs, what? - And one of Claudia Jordan's tweets is, oh my God, Mitt Romney is going to run again. I can't take it. He's the Susan Lucci of the presidency. No shade to Susan. - Wow. - All right. - Meanwhile, me and he's like, a baseball meds can run for president? What are you talking about, girl? No, bye. (laughing) - Put a splash of high-five in, listen. - He's like, I've got a golden oven mitt 'cause I'm very rich, motherfucker. I earned that. I've driven my babies, but now I've got a golden oven mitt. - I love what she says. She stripped to feed her babies. She says that all the time. That's like the most, that's very humanitarian. - Yeah, exactly. And look how well your baby turned out. Look how little Bryson is. Bryson is, he's trolling the streets of Atlanta with his kids and yeah, yeah, your baby. I don't know. - That's why I was props and the parking lot a big lot. - Yeah, it's next time on Cereal. Big lots. Bryson. (laughing) - Why were you up for good laughs? Selling things. (laughing) - Are you rich? Or are you very, very, very educatedly rich? (laughing) - Was that Russell barking? - Yeah, oh yeah. - Russell was like, "Please make him stop." (laughing) - Russell, are you barking at me? Or are you barking at me? (laughing) - Please, please, please, please, please, please. - Oh, Searle. - Oh yeah. - So what else happened on this show? - That's it. We were left with a cliffhanger. I think the cliffhanger was like, "Your clit left your body." I think that was-- (laughing) - What does that even mean? And she repeated it 20 times. Like somebody wrote that for it. Some hairdresser probably wrote that shit for it. - I don't know. - But what she didn't really know why and then just repeated it and really didn't know why. - And that's also not only the half-breathing and women calling other women whores. I mean, that's just like the lowest low. - I agree. And I think also like, I also think like making fun of someone for not having a child at 41 is actually extremely low. Like-- - Did she do that too? - Well, that's what that was implied by. Like her clit, like it doesn't work anymore. Like, I think in the things I was reading online, the implication was-- (laughing) - Let's look deep into the meaning of this. - See, when you're clitly as your body, you can't have a baby. That's what that means. That's like the ghost of the unborn baby. Leaving your body. (laughing) - Or taste. - I have to say, when she said it, I am not saying this to be funny. My image was of like, Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith in their little spaceship leaving the mothership in Independence Day. Right before they blew it up and put the virus in it. - Well, I hope this-- - I'm actually a little clit, leaving your body like that. Then just-- - I just hope this is the, I don't know, I really hope Nini's gone now. I don't know. Maybe Claudia's the one to do it. - No, I hope that this isn't the end. I hope that Claudia dresses down Nini like five more times this season. I want to happen over and over and over again. (laughing) And then I want to see it happen at the reunion and see, you know, and here's what's gonna happen. Nini's gonna have like her stupid, you know, like, puss face on, you know, where she'll be like sour, sour puss face. - Yeah. - At the reunion where she'll just be like quiet. Be like, I'm not gonna say anything because evidently people don't like what I have to say. So I'm just gonna hear him be quiet. Next! (laughing) You're like, ah, fuck you Nini, like, just talk. - Yeah. - She's so awful, so, so awful. - Yeah, she is definitely the worst. Okay, let's move on because we're coming up on an hour. - Oh, it was good, it was good. - That was all Atlanta, which we owed Atlanta because... - Yeah. - They gave us a lot this week. I mean, we've been, I've been waiting on that for a long time. - I know, me too. Me too. - Oh my God. - Why don't we go over our listeners, Curtis, Jensen? (laughing) - What was he saying? - Posted a vine of Kyle's back fat. (laughing) - Aww. - Because he says it. Look, one thing I always make fun of is Kyle's back fat because she's always wearing like a bikini top or something. And the joke is that Kyle's really not even fat. She just thinks she's fat, you know. So it's funny to call her fat because she's not even fat. - She just wears her clothes too tight. - Yeah. - Her clothes don't fit properly. - Yeah, she has no idea. - Yeah, she doesn't see that Oprah episode on how to buy a bra or whatever. But anyway, we're always making, or I'm always making fun of Kyle's back fat. Curtis, Jensen took a video of it and it put, for Kyle, she even has back fat in a blouse. - Oh. - Wow. - Wow, whatever, you too. - Oh, Curtis. - You'll both survive. You'll both survive it. - What an awful thing to say, Curtis. - It was funny. - How awful. How awful. - Oh, Curtis. - You know why she wears a blouse, Curtis? Because you can't walk around naked. (laughing) - Hi, Curtis. Do you know why Kyle Richards has back fat? 'Cause she has a back and she has some fat on it. (laughing) - Okay. - Angie has no idea what we're talking about. - Oh Ben, are we gonna be watching The Real Housewives of Cheshire? Because it is up on Deli's shows and I think we should watch it. - Wait, is it on, how do we watch it? - It's currently on. You can go, I think it's on YouTube. I heard it was on YouTube. I'm watching it on the internet on Deli's shows. I guess I shouldn't tell everybody that. - Oh, I always thought it was called Delicious. - Is it? - What? - Delish shows? - Delish shows. - Wait, how do you spell it? Is it the one that's D-E-L-I, period? Or D-E-L-I shows? - Oh, I thought you meant like D-L-I-C-E-- - Oh no, Delicious is, that's like one of those sharing things. - Yeah. - Where are you like? - I give this, I give this article a delicious and then you can mark it and then it goes on your delicious account and everybody's like, "Oh my God, that was delicious!" Or something. (laughing) - Well, I like your people. - I like your social media and your sharing programs and your editing. - Yeah. - Your texting and your calling people on the phone with Snapchatting. - Yeah. - All right. - What happened to the Morse code? - Okay, I'll watch this Real House has a Cheshire. So why don't we talk about Vanderpump rules because more, that was the-- - Vanderpump rules, horse-faced rules. Seriously? (laughing) Seriously? (laughing) Seriously? This is just what I wanted the whole time. - Seriously? I wish you guys could see. I wish you guys could see because there's a new, there's a new Christenism but unfortunately it's visual and you can't like, it can't be expressed. But what I'm doing is what I'm saying, I'm gonna say like-- - Seriously? I still could have missed you. - And when I say miss you, I move my right shoulder forward and back really quickly. - Ah, yes. - That's like her thing. - She's doing this like shoulder roll, while it's like, rolling your eyes. - It's like, there, I said it and I'm vulnerable right now. (laughing) - Seriously? Seriously? - Seriously, I'm holding both your hands right now. - Seriously? We could be happy again. - Seriously. - Okay, so let's start this episode way back at the beginning. - Yes. - Jackson's getting a penis up his bung hole from an old person in Miami. - Yes. - That was the whole episode, right? That's basically all that happened. - Well, it was kind of funny because here's this like pretty epic scandal and it was sort of like a big nothing 'cause Jackson's like, you know, I was young. (laughing) He's like, you know, literally the gay guy. Nothing ever happened, but you know, maybe it did. (laughing) - Yeah. - Like, oh, okay. - I love that he's like, you know, people can say whatever they want because I know what happened and I know what I did and I'm really happy with myself. It's like, well. (laughing) - Okay, well. - It puts you on the road to protein shakes. So I guess we can, we can thank that guy. - Yeah, thank that guy, give it us all, Jackson. - So if Jackson, if Jackson always lies. - Thank you. - And he says, we never did anything. I think the theory of the logic of deduction, whatever, I'm very college educated and what I'm saying. (laughing) He took it off the bus. - Yeah, Jackson totally took it off the bun call. Okay, so for those of you who don't watch, they're all in Miami for the special rep party and some older gay guy comes to join them and it turns out that he and Jackson haven't spoken for years because Jackson used to live with him in his mansion and this guy turned Jackson to a model and still has a naked photo of him in his house in his living room, but then Jackson made him mad or something, probably stole from him or did his drugs or something. - Yeah, probably. - You know nothing good happened. - Yeah. - And then they haven't spoken for years until now. And so Tom of course called this guy and was like, "Hey bro, you should come with us, "Christen." - Yeah, "Christen." - Yeah, let's see, let's have a good time now, John. - Jack, you shouldn't have done that to that older guy. - Why are you doing that? Like, why are you whispering people over? - I just want you to be honest, Jack. Why do you have to be honest? - And so anyway, he showed up and then kept saying things like, "Well, Jack, I'm over you. "I'm finally over you after all of these years." And Jack's is like, "Hey man, you know what? "You made me what I am today. "I mean, all of this is due to you." - So I was like, "Oh, that's a terrible legacy." - Yeah. - Like, "Congratulations, you created a develist, "weirdo, 40-year-old bartender on Bravo. "Well done." - Yes. - Did you need instructions for that one? What a creation, wow. It's like poop on the potty and they're like, warning out their poop. It's like, "Yes, it looks like an L." Just fucking blush. Oh, look at that. - Oh, he's like, "I'll give you one penny off "of every chunky sweater I sell." - It's, he's like, "Hey, I took all those sweaters "out of your house and I never apologized, "but they got a lot of money for 'em." - You know Jack's was stealing fucking socks out of that drawer and selling it. - Oh God. - You imagine Jack's is your roommate when you're, especially if you're older and you know, you're just using him for his bung hole anyway. I don't know why I'm saying bung hole. I haven't used that word since the age. - 'Cause you can't say the sea word. - Yeah, you can't say the sea word. So yeah, you went, you're going the other way now. - Yeah, I know, I'm just gonna be jumping. - And by the way, when we're talking about Atlanta, at one point, you referred to someone as a hoe and I know you wanted to say the sea word very badly. - Oh, I was like, look at Ronnie. - Mom, miss you, sea word? (both laughing) - I guess Joe called guys the sea word, right? What's the rule on that? - I don't know, I guess we have to, you can do it. - Come on, Andy, you're a girl. - Yeah, Andy. - Andy, put in your earpiece. Okay, this is just in from Angie, go. Yes, Angie, I believe you have a report. - I'm getting it, there's a net. Russell, let's say you. I got a lick, go for it. - Okay, yeah, you can still call a guy a cut. - But not a woman. - All right. - But you can call a woman an asshole, which is my favorite thing. - Oh, yeah. - I love calling a woman an asshole. (both laughing) It's just so great to call a woman an asshole. It's so funny. - It's so true. - And so necessary. - Yeah, absolutely. I think that I don't, oddly enough, I really, I don't partake of this show as much because I do have some standards in my life. (both laughing) - It's like, I, people, I have to like catch up on one of my T.I. and Tiny and Monster Child major, whatever. - Exactly, I'm full with that info. - Yeah. - But I have to say, this is the white people's love and hip hop. - Oh, really? - Kind of, just as far as like stupidity. (both laughing) - Okay. (both laughing) - It's like, it's like love and hip hop with vocal fry. - It's like, white and tanner. (both laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Less than tanner. Less than tanner. - Yeah, this show is a little bit ridiculous, but also wonderful. - It really, it, it really is wonderful. So what are the major things that happen? So there was the gay scandal that didn't really turn into anything. There was, Ariana, oh, oh shit. Horse face, horse face was kept on making Ariana feel bad with everything. She's like, they like made like toilet paper wedding dresses. Horse face was like, oh, yeah, like, should we have a wedding dress? Oh, seriously? (groaning) She's like, nice, boost, yay. - Oh, seriously, seriously. - And they didn't need to tell us that that girl smelled like Jen. I mean, we love, that's the given. - Yeah, exactly. She's like, seriously? I just fucked, seriously. Let's make dresses. - Seriously, you're gonna put me in the same room as that one? (groaning) - I'm gonna make, I'm gonna make this dress out of a noose strangling someone who's stuck with my boyfriend, I'm gonna kill her as she walks down the aisle. (groaning) - Seriously, Ariana, seriously, seriously. - And poor Ariana, eventually, eventually, finally Ariana, like, started crying in the cab which was, I felt bad for her. - Ariana's like, ehhh. - No, no. - And then finally I'm just sitting over here and I go to the bathroom and I cry because he's so mean. - And Trump's like, seriously, that's terrible, man. - And then he tries to take that out of her. - And then he tries to take that out of her. - And then he's gonna tell her off. And then he's like, I love you, Gustav. - He kind of like, he starts trying to make out with her and then he remembers he's supposed to console her. Did you kind of catch that? 'Cause he kind of like sticks his tongue in her mouth and then he's like, oh, I mean, I saw Ariana. (laughing) - Yeah. - It okay. - Babe, sorry. (laughing) I thought you were, I thought you wanted a kiss and I cried, sorry babe. - Not for sex time, no, oh, fuck. (laughing) - I'm just used to Kristin. When Kristin cries, it means she wants me inside of her. She's like, "Sirseless, seriously, (laughing) (laughing) "Sirseless, seriously." I just, you know, I miss it. Shoulder swing. Shoulder swing, I roll. I think that the real reason why Ariana is crying in the shower is because she's like, "I can't believe my best friend is Sheena Marie." (laughing) Stupid idiot, like, "It's my bachelor at party and I still have more crutches to cast." Let's do it. Yeah, I've, hey, do you guys have a stick that shaped like a pinky laugh? It's on my last. (laughing) - That's my bachelor at party. Hey, Shay, did you make out on a stripper? And my bachelor at party? Like, no, baby, I've got diabetes. My penis only gets hard twice a year and you use a year around. She's like, "Ah, it's so nice." (laughing) She's like, "Let's go to the round table and I'm gonna zoos after this." (laughing) She's like, "Let's go get an awesome bathroom, Shay." (laughing) Well, after this, will you promise to take me to islands off of Azusa Boulevard? Thanks. (laughing) - Shayne, did you, did you tip the cab driver? Did you put that money in the savings for the dessert bar? (laughing) - Shayne, can we get wings at the elephant bar? Thanks. - Do you not have any jelly wings shaped like penises? I want them on my dessert bar. (laughing) - Shayne, I thought we're in the islands right now. Why don't we go to the rainforest cafe and we'll feel like we're in a jungle. - The rainforest cafe. (laughing) - Oh boy. - Every time I go there, I buy one of those little knit caps, it's like a frog or something. And then I get home, I'm like, what am I gonna wear this? Like, I'm gonna walk around West Hollywood with a fucking frog cap. - Excuse me, Mr. Manager of the Rainforest Cafe. Do you have any knit caps that are shaped like a penis, but sort of like a frog at the same time? - Yeah. - This is my best little rat. - Yummy knit caps, I have a penis on my head. (laughing) - So what does Shayne, what, not Shayne, what's that, Stoss? What is she, what's her purpose now? This is a show about servers in a restaurant. She doesn't work there anymore. - Stoss's purpose is to show how one person can write themselves off of her TV show. - Okay. - Here she is, she was like the star. - Yeah. - And then she sewed the sidelines. Like, I'm gonna dress like an old lady and I'm gonna show up once in episode to be like, I am so over, sir. Like, I would never go back there ever. And I'm just gonna go there right now and tell everyone there how I never am coming back again. - Like the Taylor Swift song. - Yeah. (laughing) - We are never, ever getting back together. Who does that? - The best thing was when Shayne, when Lisa was giving her advice and she said, you don't wanna have friends, you wanna have followers. And I was kind of like, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, and Stoss was like pretty now. And then me while speaking of followers, Katie, who's like, you know, she could be like one of the people in Sa, like fighting for jigsaw. And she's like, she calls up Stoss and she's like, hey, I just wanna say, hey, just wanna make sure everything was like cool. And Stoss is like, I can't talk right now, bye. (laughing) - Thanks for calling. - I was like, these bitches. - Lisa was like, darling, you don't have to hate everyone in the world all the time. And Lisa was just trying to tell her, look, if you still wanna be on the show, you have to talk to somebody. Like you can't just come here and talk to me about like, you know, numbers. Like, you have to actually have a plot. - Yeah. - Calling your building, the maintenance guy, your apartment building does not plot make. - Yeah, exactly. - Francisco. - Francisco. - Francisco, it's really hot in here and my tits are falling off. And my makeup's nothing off Francisco, that's hot. - And then Christine is like, hey, is that all the painting that you made? She's like, yeah, it's a hot here. She's like, I know, Francisco, I know, it's hot. She's like, the whole, it's like two weeks in a row. I thought I was watching the wrong episode at first. (laughing) - Wait, I don't remember them hanging with me. - I know, next week it's gonna be like, it starts to be like, this week, I'm gonna go to color me mine and I'm gonna paint pottery. - Yeah, no kidding. It's like, look what I did with duct tape and a canvas from Michael's. Wait until you see what I do with a bear, some glue and a cup of googly eyes. - I'm so over a sir. - I'm making a coffee cup for my dad, for Father's Day. - I made a spider out of pipe cleaners. (laughing) - I'm so-- - I'm proofing my bathroom with egg crates. So no one can hear me farting that. I'm sick of walking with Starbucks. - I want you to know my favorite drink is called a macrame 'cause it's also my favorite activity. And even if there is no drink called a macrame, I'm making it now. I'm a macrame, a macrame. So Stasi's basically, to answer your question, Stasi's doing nothing. - Okay. - Yes, Stasi's a waste of flesh. - So-- - Yeah. - And like everybody else in the show, it's such thrilling enthralling lives. - Yeah, I mean, look at Jack's, he's made it. (laughing) - Yeah, look what I've built. - This, these former abs, it's 'cause of you. - This is the house that John built. (laughing) - And poor John, poor John, he's like-- - Or a meth face over now, John. - Yeah. (laughing) Poor, I mean, he's, you know, still wearing the apple crumbie. (laughing) - Poor, it's over but you still go to Gogo before he conventions on-- - Poor John. Hey, you know what though, good for him. He got some of that Jacks ass right in his prime, you know? - Yeah, he sure did. He got it before Jacks became a bear. He got, he still had Jacks when he was a twink and he didn't have like, mouth rot or whatever. - Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah, meth mouth. - Yeah, fuck 'em while they're young guys. - Ew, wait, what? - And you noticed-- - I went back to the C word. - And you noticed, by the way, that like, every chance he had, John had his hand like, excessively on Jacks' arms or thighs or whatever. - Yeah, it's like, I'm over you and I'm in you. (laughing) - I'm in you right there. Got my prepositions mixed up, it's not so hot. (laughing) I have a dang thing, participle. So anyway, but the big thing, the really, the big, the real man, was that Tom decided that he was gonna try to ask horse face number one to stop being something to Ariana, so he takes her outside. He's like, "Hey, Kristen, can we talk for a second?" And she's like, "Seriously, seriously?" (laughing) - And it sound dope. - Yeah, it's out of-- - Seriously, seriously? (laughing) - Seriously, seriously, seriously. - What's that? - Seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously. (laughing) - And I don't even remember really what he was saying. He was just like, he's like, "Christmas." - He immediately started crying. He was like, "Oh, Kristen." He's like, "I'm not trying to hurt you. "Please understand, anything I do, "I just wanna move forward. "I'll be cool with James. "I'll be cool, I just want you to be nice. "I just, I just wanted you to be happy." (laughing) - I thought we were gonna say, "There is to my last together, Kristen." - And she's like, smiling. She's like, "It's happening. "It's all happening." - He's like holding his hands and he's trying not to yank them away and disgust. He's like, "Yeah." And then I just want us to be able to move forward. She's like, "That's telling me what I want it. "I'm gonna get him back now." (laughing) She's like, "He's like, I just wanna move forward." And she hears, "Seriously, I love you too. "Seriously, seriously, Ariana was a mistake, seriously." - Then he wants to move. - Seriously, he wants to have my baby, which is crazy 'cause I'm doing men, seriously. (laughing) So what's hilarious about it is that, so he's just emotional 'cause Tom's always emotional and he's like crying and just like, please. He's kind of like pleading with her. Please just stop. Like, let's just move forward. It just, it didn't work between us. It didn't, she's like, "Well, you know, "we had like six good years." He's like, "No, they were not good." (laughing) We're not meant to be. - I have six years in general, but it wasn't all good, Kristen. (laughing) - Seriously, seriously. - Seriously. - Seriously, but in cat years, it was like 70 years and that's like a lot of time. I think we're meant to be. Seriously, in horse years? - I don't understand why he's like that because when we're together, all she thinks about is me, in sex, and having sex with me, and having wonderful sex. But, you know, then Tom's here, and then that's all she can think about. But, you know, when he's not here, sex with me, yeah, I'm hot. - Yeah. - I'm very certain that she is thinking about me when we're having sex. Like, when she closes her eyes and says, "Tom, Tom, Tom, I know she's, "that's just American slang for tomorrow. "Tomorrow, make me orgasm until it's tomorrow." So, I get that, I get that. - Tomorrow's the song. Tomorrow's the song from the musical called Annie, and I like songs, and I'm a music producer. So, I know that she likes me. - Yeah, I did a, I'm gonna say this really sick remix to tomorrow, and I know that every time she says Tom, it's just her, like, referencing my sick remix, 'cause I'm like a really important DJ back in UK. - In UK. - So, but the thing that's so funny, actually, I actually felt a little bit bad for James, because like, here she is going on national television being like, "Oh, so now I can win him back." I'm like, "You have a boyfriend." Like, "How rude is that, this guy, this poor kid." Well, not really poor, he's a natural loser. - Yeah, he's a dude, he deserves what he gets, 'cause he's only with her for the fame anyway. - Yeah, but it's still obnoxious to be plotting, like, to come get back with Tom, when you're still with this other guy, but that's what makes this show amazing. It's like, "Real Life Soap Opera." - So, will you guys drive me the Temecula? - Yeah, why? - I wanna buy something from there off Craigslist. I wanna buy a Wacom tablet. - Huh? - Uh, what? - Okay. So, let's move on now, through all the lives of Berkeley-- - Seriously? - Guys, this was a very important episode. - We have crying, oh, God, the bitches were all crying. - I know, this was one of the most important episodes. - Oh. - It's our annual like, Richard's/Fosterchild going to college episode. - Yeah, the kids are going away to college, everybody. - Yeah, oh, I actually wrote notes. Wait, let me pull up my notes, I forgot that I did this, this is very exciting. - Well, can we start with which I actually think is, speaking, if Nini is the beast to be taken down on the East Coast, Brandy, oh my gosh, like, unwatchable. I mean, she is completely-- - Nini was at least a queen at one time. - I mean, Brandy-- - This is Brandy Girl. - That's so cool. - Let me tell you, that scene where Brandy and her sycophantic gaze, and Kim Richards watched Lee the Leon and Eddie show, was so-- - Was pathetic. - It was pathetic, it was awful, it was immature, it was just-- - And let's just be real, that's what you're gonna do. I mean, you would all do the same thing, but to make that your story for the week, I was like, oh, that's not a good look, girl. - But if you're also, if you're gonna make fun of what you see on TV, like, be funny, like, like-- - Yeah. - When Brandy's become like, who wants to watch someone brush their teeth? I'm like, well, who wants to see every time you've got your vagina wax, or any time you've like, you know, picked up poop from your dog? He's like, I don't wanna see that either, and I've seen a whole lot of that from you, Brandy. - Yeah. - You know? - And she's like, I can't believe he's making a whole show about our divorce. I'm like, hello, that's all you've talked about a little bit. - Did she ever, she made her whole career around it. - She's like, I'm a character on their show because they say my name's so many times. Well, how many times do you think we've heard about Eddie on this show? Like, he's more famous because of you, do you realize that? - Yeah, and you're only famous because if you're divorced from Eddie, so shut up, I think she had a job before that. - Well, not, she's more famous because Lee Ann. - Yeah. - Really, I mean. - Exactly, and then she tries to take some weird like sanctimonious things, she's like, do you just like mention the kids? Like, is he using the kids in the show to get at me? I'm like, no, no, no, no, don't even try to get high money. Don't get like emotional. Don't be a protective mama. You're just caddy and so are your gays. I mean, when they're like, that is not a cute shot of her nose. I'm like, I don't think anyone assembled on that couch has any right to talk about news. - Yeah, let's talk about it. - Or any other futures. - Yeah, half of a Lego movie. - And wait, I have one observation also. So Jennifer Jimenez is known for being on those sober programs. - Yes, celebrity, yeah. - Yeah, and she's like, she runs the houses and stuff. But like, isn't her friendship with Brandy kind of like a complex type of interest? Like, I'm being completely serious 'cause it seems to me like Brandy has some kind of alcohol thing issue, and I always think that's weird that those two are so tight. I don't know. - Anyone who is friends with Brandy has a conflict of interest, like you could be like, you could be a doctor and it's like, oh, you're friends with Brandy? Oh, no, sorry, that's a conflict of interest. - Oh, a chiropractor, oh, got it, yeah. - Well, you could be a shoe salesman. - It's like a vet being, you know, it's like a vet going and adopting a three-legged dog. (laughing) You know, it's important to realize that some things will never be fixed and we just have to keep the fight going. - Yeah. - Yeah, she's like her favorite resident. Like, I love Kyle so much. Like, I actually really like Kyle, the Richard's sister. But then Faye Resnick shows up and you're like, oh. - Oh, Faye. Okay, this is reason that, you know, this is reason enough to hate Kyle, even if you like her on the show. She's friends with Faye and she's friends with the Kardashian mom. Those are like her two best friends. - Oh, I know, yeah. - She basically is friends with anyone associated with the OJ trial. That's what you're saying. - Pretty much. - Yeah, she's like, here's my good friend, Judge Lancey do. She's still classier than Brandy. - Yeah, she is. Oh, for sure. I hate that Kim hangs out with Brandy now. I'm like, like, what happened to your feud? Like, don't you have any, like, don't you have any standards, Kim? No, she doesn't. She doesn't. And said she'd rather sit on a bed with a bunch of, you know, gays who just want to get in with Brandy and say things like, why does he have to comment on it? Why? Like, why did he have to say that on the show? Like, that's so awful. As a brand. Maybe that part where they went outside. Who goes outside? That's gross. They're disgusting. And then Brandy's like, oh my God, I can't believe they're joining my kids against me on TV and using my kids as a story. I'm like, shut up, Brandy. - Yeah. - Oh, the dirty whole thing. She's like, I just wish that we could all get along. I'm like, really, because your entire storyline, your first scene was meeting your lawyer, your rental lawyer from legal Zoom or whatever. At the coffee bean to talk about what a deadbeat loser broke ass your husband is. And then your next scene is to bash his show. Like, let's make up our minds here. - I'm not sure that's the fast track. Everyone's sitting around the table, joking about those funny wrote things they had. - Yeah, that's how Brandy is. - But meanwhile, we were like family. We should be able to do that. - Yeah, she would be that type. She's like, whatever, I'm like impulsive. You know, I say things because I'm impulsive and I can't help it. But then like, you know, I apologize. Like, no, you cannot hide behind that excuse, Brandy. That is not acceptable behavior. Children are impulsive too. And they get in trouble for it. So you do. - Yeah, and you still beat them when they shit themselves. - Yeah. - I mean, that's what you do, right? - Mm hmm. Yeah, always. Beat the rest of that shit out of them. Some of their clean, got clean nannises. So the other, it's funny that you mentioned that because this episode was basically a like mothers and children episode. I mean, that's what the whole thing was, right? - Oh my God. Yolanda made her daughter write some apology letter to read on the air. That was so sad. She's like, "Dear mother, I am so sorry because you are the best mother I ever saw in my life. And then I did this horrible thing to your day and I'm so sorry. Please note it has nothing to do with how you raised me and all because of Satan in my body who has now gone from me. But I love you so much." It's like, "Stop, Yolanda." - I know. - Yolanda's like, "Sometimes you have to be a good mother and tell your children that even though they are drunk, driving, you know, you still love them. And you know, here's a $500,000 apartment in the middle of the city. It makes you feel better." - Yeah. - Well, I love that Yolanda, like when they're moving her into an apartment, which by the way, why not like have it, why don't you share it with Bela with, I'm sorry, with Gigi, you know? Like two separate apartments in the city that these girls get. They live with a man. - Oh, with a man. - Do you know what I mean? Like she's probably just some like 50 year old guy or something. - Well, look at how Yolanda's made her living. She wants those girls to have their own friends to like trap their old men in. - Well, the best was as they're like figuring out this apartment, Yolanda's saying to us like, "You know, it's so hard to find an apartment in the city. You know, with Gigi, it was very easy. But this one, we like, we keep on losing them. And it's like, it's just very hard to find an apartment for a college student. I'm like, "Yeah, it's called a dorm. It's not hard at all. It's like, they're making seas." Unless you go to university of Arizona, in which case you're on a wait list. - Yeah, that's really super hard, apparently to get into a dorm. Which you know, that's not true. Kyle's not putting her daughter in a dorm. - Yeah, that's true. Yeah, exactly. Yes, I didn't think about it. - Oh my child's story was just painful to watch. It's like slowly watched my husband become obese while my poor children say nothing and Porsche picks ice out of a glass. Like seriously, that was the whole thing. And then she's trying to pretend like she's just some normal mom. And the kids are like, "Mom, can we eat out of the mini fridge at the hotel room?" And she's like, "Yeah, kids, that's what it's for." I'm like, "No, it's not. That's like a $5 Snickers. What mother does that?" - Yeah. (laughing) - Well, this is also when we learn that Kyle's true aim in life was to be an attorney. - Oh, I love that. I was having these visions of how Richard's attorney at law and then hearing the LA law theme song and like seeing her like strutting into a courtroom be like, "I object." (laughing) She's like, "Objection, he hurt my feelings three years ago at a sandwich party. Will you know, I don't appreciate that." And she accused me of saying that she was insecure. And then she gave me a really rude book. So whatever, she should go to jail. - And the whole time she has that like on top of her head, Madonna ponytail, she's like swishing it around. (laughing) - It's like those jewelry, I'm not those. Remember those-- - And a micro mini. - Remember those commercials for herbal essences where it was like the female lawyer would walk in and she just had like, she just had her hair with like, did her hair with herbal essences. And she's like, "Yes, yes, yes." The judge like bang on the gavel, like ordering the corpse. And then she's like, "Ah, herbal essences." - Like, "I need an extension." - Do the splits on the table. (laughing) - I'm just imagining Kyle, which is calling Camille up onto the stand to be like, "You know what you said, Camille." (laughing) - Case closed. - Portia's her, what's the, what is it, when you call in like a special witness for the prosecution? Portia, I'd like to call Portia to the stand. (laughing) - Portia, what do you think about Camille grammar? (laughing) - I don't care, she didn't give me her hand on this bible and promised to never leave me. (laughing) I now call to the stand, Kim Richards. - Kim's like, "Ah, she rides in on a horse." - Yay. - Hey. - Oh, and wait, really quickly to, I just want to jump to this before we finish, but did you guys notice when Lisa was, she has a very weird relationship with her son? - Max? - To me. - In what way? - She mentioned like, maybe he's not succeeded 'cause he's, like, he's adopted? She fucking said that. I don't know, I somehow I missed that line. - Did you, did you hear, did you notice that kind of Ronnie? - I'm about to faint, first of all. Like, I'm coughing and I'm getting these head rushes while I'm coughing, so if I die, it's because I'm dead. So, Chris calls somebody. But yes, Lisa, I think it's so funny how she deals with her son because she adopted this kid and then the whole time it's like, he's adopted, you know, he's not from us, darling. I don't know if it's because he's adopted, I don't know if he's not like me and Ken and Anthony because he's adopted or not, but it doesn't matter because the only way a mother's only as happy is her saddest child. - Yeah, that would, I heard that. That was like, oh, okay. - That is it made for TV movie. - I was dying and then they show a clip of her going, oh, Max's first words were, I can't. I'm like, oh my God, maybe that's not a story you should say in front of him and in front of other people. - Well, maybe, is it play devil's advocate? Is it possible that what she meant was that like, you know, like being adopted, even though we treat him as our own, there's still a certain amount of like baggers that you care, you know, like when you were adopted. - I took it as her saying. - He's not one of us. - Yeah, like his genetics are different. So is it genetic that he's lazy or is it, is it because we're bad parents? Like, and I get what she's saying because of course that's a natural thought because if all the people in the family are one way and the adopted kid's different, you're like, well, it must be his genes. Like, it's not really that abnormal, a thing to think, but to say out loud as a mother is hilarious because the way she's always talked about Max is that he is this troubled kid, you know, he was like brooding as a child and couldn't really do much. And then as an adult, he just seems like kind of a pot head, whatever, I mean, he went to rock school and like couldn't stay in rock school or whatever. And apparently he's really nice. - Yeah. - Like he seems like really serious, but you know, to be like Lisa and Ken and then just have kind of a normal kid who just wants to relax. And she's like, I don't understand why you're not concentrating more on life. I'm like, look, his parents are gonna be dead any second and you guys are worth like $80 billion. It's like my goal in life would be to like pour a tiny bit of dish soap into your tea at a time and just like build up enough that you guys die so I can like live with that you can live with all your money except you know Pandora's getting in anyway. - Yeah, exactly. - 'Cause she works so hard. - Yeah. - She told people how much I was to put in those glasses. It's not easy. It was a long day for painting. - She folded three napkins. Let's see. So there was that though. - But also Lisa's, this is like another rich parent who's like, look, I'm showing my son how to be real. Like he has to pay his own electricity bill when it gets shut up and he has to be a bus boy. Which granted is way more than any other parent there does. But then to make him successful, she's like, he had to be a dishwasher, then a bus boy, then a waiter, then a bartender, then the owner, and then he'll own our empire. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, back down. - There's no way. Well, to be fair also, like their empire, they get money from somewhere, but to be like, to take over sir and pump is really not that special. - Yeah. - It's not like you're saying, oh, you're taking over like La Bernadine, or you're taking over Spago. It's like you're basically taking it over a restaurant that should be attached to a holiday in, but for some reason there's no holiday in there. - Yes, the cafe 101 or something. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's where there's no waiters. And you're like, wait, I've been here for three hours and no one's ever waited on me. - I'm like. - And then they just like drop a check anyway. - Yeah, I mean, like. - That's totally the restaurant Maxwell rent. - Has she seen her own show? Has she seen how out of control her waiters and waitresses are like, this is not an empire. - Oh my God. I still love her. She makes me laugh every time, but yes, I could totally see the fights. Like imagine him sitting at home watching TV with his like senior citizen girlfriend watching the show and his mom's like, "Is it because he's genetically different?" Or is he just lazy? Well, who cares? It doesn't matter. Let's make him happy. - Because they can't. They can't. - Oh, heard. Also, it was awkward seeing Lisa's old face. She's gonna be like the Vicky Gumbelson where when they show clips of every different season, it's gonna be just like a slightly different face. - I know. It'll be like, it'll be like that part of the black and white video from Michael Jackson when everyone's face is morphing to each other. - Oh God. - Yeah. - Like crease summer and tire banks. - Speaking of crazy faces, Lisa Rinna in this episode was Valerie Cherish. - Yes. That's what I said in my recap. - Oh my God. Great minds. She literally did the prayer bow. - Yes. - She like pray bows to the cast. And she has like some bit part and some terrible movie that her friend wrote and she's acting. - Yeah, her friend. - Penn Gillette. - Yeah, Penn Gillette. - Excuse me. - She's like, you're the lady from Claire's Boutique. She's gonna sell some cheap chains. (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - But you know, something in some weird way, like I actually think she's smart. Like I kind of, I mean, 'cause she's friends with Penn Gillette. Like, I feel like her and Harry are a little bit like tongue in cheek. Like the red, when she was doing her exercises in the car. - Yeah. - She had to kind of be like, oh, this is, I'm in a black play that could eat. - I think so too. I think she sort of like found her lane in the past 10 years of sort of like seed lists gigs. And she just does them one after the other. And, you know, they pay money. I mean, she does a depends commercial. She did celebrity apprentice. She just danced with the star. - She got paid the millions for that depends. - Dancing with the stars was like the turning point because before then she was like, still doing like the soapy things. And dancing with the stars came around and she got a lot of good will and success. - I wish she just stuck with soap operas. She was not on days of our lives for that long. Like she went really early. And I think she was probably a diva or something back then. - I'm sure she could go back. She should go back. Randy would love that. - Wait, so did she actually have the part of your is that like in another episode? - I think it's coming up. - It looks like next week. - It looks like the next week shit's going down. This was like a calm before the storm because next week, Brandy like pushes Kyle down a staircase. - Oh, I saw Kyle. - I don't think that was Kyle. - Yeah, it was. - It was. - It was. - It was. - It's Kim was to see who it was. And that looked like a skinny person. - No, I know. - I mean like a really skinny person. Like an unnatural weekend. - Ladies and gentlemen, Phaedra has entered the building. - Well, I didn't say the C word. I didn't say a skinny C word. - No, 'cause Kim was like storming out because Kim was acting weird and clearly hopped up on something. And Brandy was going out after her probably to protect her and Kyle was going to attack. And Lisa Rinna is like shocked. She sort of stands and looks in the corner. - Lisa Rinna who's starting it basically, all this stuff about Brandy's alcoholism, which I'm loving. She has started this from that she's doing another soap opera plot where she starts shit from the beginning and plants little seeds that she can bring up later. Now granted she was doing that all on her like testimonial things, but she's very smart. She's like leading us to the point where they're going to have an intervention with Brandy or something. And I just love it. And I love these soap opera bitches on this show. - Well, you can see that Lisa and Kim have like a little bit of friction when Kim's like, you don't know. - Oh yeah. - You know, so. - She's like, don't tell me you feel for me bitch. - Whatever. You don't know what I go through every night alone in bed. It's like, I have a feeling I do. - She's like, my dog eats a little piece of me every night. - And I mean. - I got side gap because King's like eight. - Is that, is that really cute boy that took one of them, Yolanda's daughters to prom? Is that, I mean, stepson? - Yeah. - 'Cause one is gorgeous. - Yeah. - It's really cute. - They're all, they're all pretty cute. - They're all kind of cute, but one's like, like kind of exotic looking. Does not look like her Orvans. - Yeah, they're both, yeah. The dark-haired one, right? - Yeah. - But that's not the one you, that's not the one you hooked up with, Brandy. - What? - Hicked up with Brandy. - Not Brandy. God, I'm so sorry. - Gigi. - Gigi. I'm sorry, like skinny slags. - He kind of looks like Gigi. - Yeah. And he's like, yeah, bank Gigi. That was a weird scene. Like just all around, all around Eileen's sons. - Yeah, and her husband's like in this like tank top, looking little nine or nine-ish. - It's like a frat house, yeah. - Yeah, although it's cute and everything, but I don't wanna watch that. - And I don't think she likes it. - I like Eileen, even though most of her scenes, I'm like, why am I watching this? But I really like her still. - Yeah, of course. No, she's great. - But she doesn't do anything. - That's what I get. - Wine throwing. - She got wine throwing. No, she's, well, she did get wine throwing on her, and then she started the quiet stealth campaign against Brandy's. That's great. - Oh yeah, that'll pay off. - I think so. - So next week, let's watch, this week, let's try and find the first two episodes of Real Housewives of Cheshire, so we can talk about 'em next week. - I can only commit to watching one episode, but I'll- - But there's been one that was this week, and then there's another one this coming week. - Okay, well, we'll talk about the second episode. How about that? - All right, sounds good, Ben, but you're gonna miss all the intros, Ben. That's the best part. - Well, I mean, I'll watch the, oh, Jesus, wrong thing. - Ben, you're gonna have to fap a little less this week, all right? - Fine. - Just kidding, I'm being all controlling. I don't care. I just wanna watch it because I need something funny in my life, but... - All right, these bitches are boring me. - All right. - Watch Empire. - Oh, I love Empire. - It was that good. - Let's talk about that in the bonus episode. How about that? - I haven't watched it. - Well, we can talk about it in a non-spoiler way. We'll talk about it and make you excited to see it tonight. - Oh, Empire. - Okay. - All right. So anyway, Angie, what a delight. Thank you so much for coming on. You'll have to come back again 'cause you're so... - I would love to. - Yeah, thanks, lady. - Thank you. - Thank you for, thank you for representing all black Southern women. That was very helpful. - I'm gonna do my treats. - Aww. (laughing) - That's sweet. You really, you really got, you got everyone. - Nini made it okay. - There you go, yep. - So, and girl, everyone, by the way, please listen to Angie's podcast. It really is good. - It is good. And we don't cook for anybody on our podcast, like we don't give our guest shit. Angie cooks for you. - Yeah, so go back, listen to all the episodes, get hooked, just add it to your list. - Oh, thank you. - And you can tweet at Angie at all the way pod. And on SoundCloud, it's the podcast is called All the Way. And then, Ronnie, of course, trash, talktv.com. And everyone, I have a podcast, another podcast, the banter blender, you can listen to that. Thanks everyone for listening. Like us on Facebook if you haven't. Follow us by going to watchworkcrapins.com. Support us on patreon.com/watchworkcrapins. And if you are supporting us, then tune in for the bonus episode. We'll speak to you all next week. Thanks very much everyone. - Bye everybody. (upbeat music) - If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, Schleising, driving friends with it for 10 years. 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Sincerely, not yours, Tara, in Telluride. - GEICO, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. - If you like Watch what Crap is, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey. - In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the debt to the internet is the kill list. A cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how it ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on The Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more exhibit see true crime shows like Morebid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out exhibit see in The Wondery app for all your true crime listening.
