This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. We're back to tell you more about the latest Dash Pass annual plan benefit, StreamMax with ads included at no extra cost. You know what's a great night for us? Ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the Max Original Hacks, which won Best Comedy deservedly so, and we'd love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart, but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu, who also is a huge Bravo fan. Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks, but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza, sometimes it's a salad, and I can get both with DoorDash. How about some ice cream? That's what I like to eat with my hacks. A hundred percent, I will double Dash. I will get a salad and then double Dash some ice cream, why not? Sign up for a Dash Pass annual plan and get Max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max has now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. StreamMax with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply, see doorDash.com/Max for details. Unlock your imagination with Audible when you listen to audio content in your mind as free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Plus, a great narrator can really take things to the next level. There's more to imagine when you listen. Audible's extensive catalog is sure to have titles you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives, all while multitasking or relaxing. Right now, I'm listening to our friend Elena Urkhart's "The Butcher Game." It's a sequel, it's fantastic, it's a serial killer cat mouse. I absolutely love her, I love what she's done, and it's really cool and very beautifully told on the Audible version. And as an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text crapins to 500-500. ♪ Watch what crap is, watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is ♪ ♪ Crapins, crapins ♪ ♪ Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap ♪ ♪ Watch what crap is, watch what crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what crap is ♪ ♪ Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is ♪ Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what crap is. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mantleker from besideblog.com. Joining me as always is Ronnie Karam from trashtalktv.com. Hi Ronnie. Hello everybody. Can you hear the waving in my voice? I can. I can hear you. Working on waves in my voice. I can hear the ball in the back of your throat is waving at me. I forgot what that's called. So I'm just going to call it the ball at the back of your throat. The thing that shows up when Charlie Brown wails. So anyway, everyone please, if you go to watchwhatcrapins.com, you can follow us on all our social media platforms. And Lord knows we have a lot of them. So rather than list them off, just go to that website. And of course you can follow us on Facebook, Facebook.com/watchmorecrapins. It is actually becoming like a blog. You know? We have so much content going up like silly photos and screenshots and people writing their own stuff and comments. It's actually, it feels like a blog more than a Facebook page. I know I'm reading the suggestions for today's topics right now. They're so good. And people were asking for a serial. You were correct, sir. Yes. Well, guess what? Guess what? For those of you who support us on Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com/watchmorecrapins, you get a bonus episode and we just recorded ours and we talked all about serial. So if you are obsessed with serial the podcasts or the breakfast food, go and listen to that bonus episode because we just had a lot of fun talking about it. And anyway, let's just get to the bravo stuff. I could go on and on, plugging our shit. But let's just get to bravo. Well, so far what I'm getting from this week's comment thread is everybody hates Brandy and Portia. Yeah, that sounds just about right. That sounds about right. Both act like five year olds. Both act like they actually make money for themselves. Yep. Funny shit. Yeah. Well, let's talk about our real housewives of Beverly Hills because I watched it today. So it's fresh in my brain. I just watched it last night and read a recap. Let's talk about it. You know, it's funny. I'm actually on our Facebook page and I'm seeing that you posted a link to your recap and the little screen grab that you posted was exactly where I paused it earlier today. And when I paused, I thought, I should take a picture of this and I didn't. And I'm glad I didn't because you did it for me. What the, her putting on her eye, her eye things. Yeah. And like her mouth is just like this black hole. It's like-- It's like when if her nostrils big and then one of them full of cartilage or whatever. What the hell is with noses and bravo this week? I know, but you know, though, I'm a big Lisa and a fan. I think she's doing a bang up job on this show so far. I think she's so fantastic for the show. She should have been on the first place. She's very, very likable and you feel like she's also very honest. I don't feel like she's putting up a facade. She's very, you know, she's very much like, "This is, I'm doing this. I do this shit. I do this shit to get ahead in life." You know, and there's something actually very relatable. Desperate. She's got that like desperate Los Angeles, um, need to be liked. Yeah. She is like she seems to know everybody, but she's that girl on school who's just so nice to everybody, but also people probably talk a lot of shit behind her behind her back. She's kind of like, "You can walk all over her because you know that she'll do anything for like an invite to the right party." Well, although according to the trailer for the season, it looks like she'll be throwing a glass, so you can't walk over her too much. Otherwise, they'll be walking on broken glass, Annie Lennox. Well, I think my guess to see what happened, my guess about what happens is that she and Kim go at it because Kim is standing up for Brandy because Kim starts drinking kind of Brandy's a drunk. So everybody's trying to turn against Brandy for being a drunk. Right. And then Kim's getting defensive for Brandy because, you know, birds of a bottle. And then, so Kim gets all defensive and starts talking about what a whore Harry Hamlin is, and then Lisa Rinna throws wine in her face. And then Kim's like, "But hey, you just made it so I'm not sober anymore. I got wine in my eyes. Your fault." And then it becomes a drunk again. Yeah. Yeah, I think that sounds about right. Well, it looks like next week, Lisa Vanderpump will be recruiting Lisa Rinna onto her team, which is great because Lisa Vanderpump always has the best people on her team. Even Brandy, before Brandy gets on. Well, it already knows everybody in real life. Yeah. Like she's already, she's already friends with everybody in real life. They've been trying to get her on the show for like two or three seasons. And I don't, I guess they just haven't been paying her enough. I don't know what the deal, why she wasn't coming on. But it's been rumored for a long time that she's going to be a real half-wife. And they finally got her on. And so now it's going to be fun to see which, I like that she's making it light and fun again. And it's not necessarily about fighting. But now we met Eileen and Eileen seems like a bitch from hell. Oh my God. I love her. Her kicks a man. I was like, she's only on for like what? Maybe five minutes, five or ten minutes. And I was like, oh wow, she's already like one of my top three favorite housewives of all time. I was like, that was quick. That was the most awkward scene I've sat through in a long time. Oh, when, when she and Lisa were like catching up at Marivana? Yes, and she's obviously in her own mind and Lisa's mind. So above Lisa because Lisa was on Young and the Restless, I guess. I didn't watch that show, but she was on that apparently. And then Days of Our Lives, just like Eileen was. But Eileen is like a huge, huge star and still is. Right. And so it's awkward because I don't think Lisa Rinna got fired from Days of Our Lives. She was really good on it and she was really popular on it. She left for something else. I don't know. Yeah. It was a long ass time ago. Didn't she leave for Melrose Place or no? I don't think she left for that because I think Melrose Place was later. Either way, I mean Lisa Rinna, I mean Lisa Rinna was at her peak. Well, it's hard to say at her peak because at her soapy. This is kind of her peak. Yeah, you know, the thing is with Lisa Rinna is she's been plugging away. I mean, you got to admire this woman. Look at all the soap stars that have come and gone. And very few sort of like managed to rise above, not rise above it but sort of poke through and to get to the next level of like pop culture awareness. And she's done it, even though she's not an A-lister by any means. Although wasn't she just in a movie, didn't she play someone's mom in a movie that was like unexpected? She works. For sure. I'm looking this up. I'm looking it up. She was in something. I was like, oh wow, Lisa Rinna is this person's mom. That's not what I expect. She works. A lot of those soap opera people are awful, but I know that Eileen's good because I used to watch her and Lisa Rinna was good. And I just saw Lorna from Another World. She was on Sons of Anarchy. I think it was Sons of Anarchy. That's all I've watched. No, I mean, a lot of, obviously, oh, you know what it was, it was in community. In community, she played her character's mom. She played Mark's mom. I don't remember who Mark was. Yeah, I mean, I think she's good. And she's like a personality that comes through on the screen and all that. It was an awkward scene to watch because Eileen was acting like she would never talk to Lisa in the studio. She'd be like, go back to your little trailer. I'll be here in my mega trailer. Well, what I loved about Eileen was that when Lisa's like, oh, congrats on your, congrats on your Emmy. And Eileen, and she's like, where do you keep it? Eileen's, oh, I don't know. It just goes from room to room. Like it's in the bedroom, in the living room, in the kitchen. I just don't know. I was like, yes. Yes. I love that. The potty, like dismissiveness almost, you know? Yeah, Eileen says like, wow, well, what a blessing. Well, aren't we lucky? Oh, whoa. We should, we should do this more often. And she's like, so what's your, you know, what's your favorite color if you could name your favorite color? And Eileen's like, wow, that's a good question. She's like, I used to be a talk show host. Yeah, you and me, hustlin, taking whatever jobs we can get, right? And Eileen's like, bitch, I have had the same starring role in a sick. Yeah. I was like, I don't think Eileen's really hot for years. Okay. Have fun on your talk show. Yeah. Like, was this, has she won an Emmy before? I feel like she's probably won. Emmys. Or is this recent? Do you know? I was surprised too when she said that. Cause I thought that can't be her. Snagged ones. That can't be her first Emmy, right? Well, we're about to find out. We're about to find out. And it's not what Emmys for. You know what? Her IMDB photo. Her Google. Eileen Davidson transsexual. Because it used to be a rumor that she was transgendered. So I was looking it up yesterday for the recap to see if there was any proof. There wasn't. Can I tell you something? If you go on to Eileen Davidson's IMDB page, she has the funniest photo op. She's basically like giving you such bitch face. She's like, why are you taking a picture of me right now? She's like slumped over and just staring at this totally disdainful. Quietly like seething way. I love it. Yeah, she really is. She's like, oh yeah. She's like, why are you on my IMDB page? Don't you have something better to do? It's like, you're afraid to look. She has only one win. Nine nominations, one win. She's coming out and A, I think this is a movie called Spy Coses. And she's playing with President of the United States. I would see that. She also played and also in a movie called Symphoria. She plays someone named Vicki Lewis, which would be hilarious if she was actually portraying the actress, Vicki Lewis. God, this is crazy. This is really crazy if she was playing like the little robot. She was also in a movie called Stranger at the Pentagon. She played the character Dina Thor. And then she also was in a movie called Hell and Mr. Fudge. I didn't know she was on Santa Barbara. Oh, look at her. Look at her going all the way. I don't see her Santa Barbara credit. It's not on here for some reason. Yeah, so it's crazy looking at soap operas. The Young and the Restless from 1984 to 2014, but she was not at that whole time. No, still though, she's playing leading roles on two different soap operas at the same time. That's crazy. That's crazy that she's doing that. But anyway, yeah, she's talented. And I also forgot that when she was on Days of Our Lives, she played Kristin Demira, her dorky twin. Well, she wasn't really your twin, but her dorky lookalike. Susan, you're me, me, me and Kristin. But then Susan has a twin named Sister Regina something something. So she played three characters on that show. That must be, you know, sometimes it must be so funny. Two of them are retarded. It's awesome. It must be so fun to play a soap star, some to be a soap star sometimes because that shit does not, that just does not happen in network TV. It really doesn't. I wish this was like Mexico, where you didn't have to work out to be on a soap opera. I would love to be on a soap opera. I could do it in Mexico. I could be fat and bald and be on a soap opera in Mexico. That's how they are. And then all the women are still gorgeous and crying over you. That's the life. That's the life. That's the life. Yeah. Yeah. For again. I'm going to get more score. I'm going to get more score. I'm going to get more score. I'm going to get more score. I'm going to get more score. 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I'm going to get more score. I'm going to get more score. I'm going to get more score. I'm going to get more score. I know she's excited that she got a gig on Dish Nation, a syndicated show that only seemed to air in gyms at two in the afternoon, but honestly, she bet us low her role. The only time I ever see that show is when I'm walking to the gym. I'm like, "Oh, there's that show again. Dish Nation." Dish Nation. Oh, Dish Nation is terrible. It's so terrible. I'm sorry. It is. It's so really bad. It's like, "Hey, you were talking about Kim Kardashian's butt. What are you guys thinking the radio station in Seattle?" They're like, "You guys, Kim Kardashian's butt is out again. Girl, put on some pants." "All right. What are you guys thinking Orlando?" They're like, "Wow. Kim Kardashian has a big butt." "What are you thinking, El Paso?" They're like, "Kim Kardashian is pretty. Please make this show be quiet." I know. Well, I think the saddest part about Dish Nation is seeing some of the DJs who are really popular and have been on the radio for a long time, but now they're thrust onto TVs. They're trying to look cool, Todd Betengale from PLJ here in New York. I don't know if he's even still on Dish Nation, but he was for a while. He has highlights in his hair, and he's got Abercrombie on. He's like 56. Please get this off my TV. Meanwhile, of course, I would die to be on Dish Nation. That would be a fun job. I mean, the idea is mostly just weird, because it's just radio stations. I just feel like it's getting the hokiest part of radio. It is getting that sort of like that morning zoo thing, but in the afternoon. I actually do not like the morning zoo style. It's like too much. It's too much for me. I'm an old man all of a sudden. It wasn't all of a sudden with me. It's been happening since I turned 18. I just like progressively just turned over. You're like, "No more morning zoos." Yeah. It's like morning showers. I actually hate late night shows, because I can't... This is every late night show. [cheering] Like the whole time. It's like a bunch of fucking animals. They get like a thousand people in there, and then they make them scream for an hour and a half about nothing. I know. I mean, I used to watch late night TV. I used to love, believe it or not, back in like 1997, I used to love Jay Leno. And then I stopped. Somehow somewhere along the way I came to my senses. And then I used to watch Conan, like every single night. I was like obsessed with Conan. And then Letterman, that was a daily show. And then I just, I just don't know. I just don't watch them anymore. Too much noise. I need some silence in my life. Yeah. Now Sons of Anarchy, where everybody just shoots each other and beats up a hooker. You're not going to make Sons of Anarchy happen, Ronnie. I know you wanted it to happen in the bonus episode. It's not going to happen. You're going to happen. It's going to happen because you're eventually going to binge watch it. You're going to be like, "Oh my God, what the hell?" I have so many shows to binge watch. I'm just patting myself on the back for even binge listening to cereal. I'm like, "This is the first time I've like binge listened to something and been current with it." Yeah, that comes so smart. That was on NPR, you guys. I can only imagine Porsche. It's a podcast about lucky chains. But I've found a little plastic bicycle in my box today. What'd you find? Previously, I'm cereal with Porsche. Porsche Stewart. I had some honey bunches of oats. There's no toy inside, so I thought to myself, "What the average toy inside?" So then I emailed a bunch of people, and they didn't write back. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. I'd like to thank Tony DeTaca for everything he did for racism. When he was the driver of that bus underground, when he was the driver of the underground bus and saved all those black people from fruity pebble. Thank you so much, Tony. Good. The Porsche Stewart Cereal Podcast is brought to you by MailChimp, because I've got a MailChimp Etsy back there, and he pressed play on this. Remember my mail's there? I'm like, "Where's that chimp?" I'm going to spank that chimp. I have three phone calls. One phone call was the chimpanzee, and the other two phone calls, which is my butt calling, calling JCPenney. And I was like, "JCPenney, where's your serial department?" We're mixing the two shows. I'm sorry, we were talking about the podcast serial in the bonus episode, and we're still talking about it. Please, please, please. Oh, my God. All right. One phone call from the Cordell Stewart. Please, please, please. I changed the lock, bitch. No idea. Don't do it. I hope the idea of Porsche having her own podcast about serial. That is a great box. These are cornflakes. I don't know what this is. Grace had nuts. Grace had baby. This is cookie crotch, but it looks like it's about to get stolen. There's a bunch of robbers on it. Oh. Okay. If you don't want to show, you'll be so confused. Basically, the price of the Porsche stuff this week is Porsche Stupid, and Porsche is a dumb hole because she's auditionation, which she thinks is Roseanne or something. I think she's been handed her own show. This other chick, Claudia Jordan, God bless her heart, has to do the radio version of the show. Do you know how much harder that is? She has to work for like three hours and make all the real jokes, and then Porsche just comes in for 15 minutes. She messes up. They can edit it, whereas Claudia is live and has to deal with everything. Yeah. Now that Claudia got a job on Real Housewives of Havana, Porsche hates her basically. It's what's going on because she's stepping on her turf. And I find that so interesting because it happens on every Housewives show, where the new one is ostracized until she proves herself, right? Unless she's richer than them. In the wish case, then they'll kiss her ass. Yeah. True. Lisa Rinna style. Yeah. Lisa Rinna, I don't know that Lisa Rinna is really rich. I mean, if you think about it, Harry Hamlin has his earlier star money, right? But that money wasn't as good as it got later on in the TV game. Like LA Law and stuff like that. He wasn't getting paid like a half a million dollars episode or something. Well, how about Shannon Bedore? That's a good example because Shannon came on to the O.C. Yeah. She's super wealthy and is the first one ever to walk on to the O.C. And Vicky did not like attack her. Vicky loved her. But just Lisa Rinna thing real quick. Harry, when she was talking about doing those depends commercials and she's like, "I saved our bacon with those commercials." Because I think that they were out of money at that point. And she did it for a few million dollars and put them back on top. Because I'm sure Madman's not paying him shit. You know, he's getting like minimum for, just like sack minimum for being on Madman. Yes, it's not a, it's, it's, it's on basic able. It's not a huge role. And he's only, it's only been a season and a half. He will have only been on a season and a half by the time the show ends. And what was he really doing before then? Probably some lifetime movies. And even in this role, he really didn't do anything until the end of last season. He finally got some balls on him. But anyway, yeah. So this, yeah, I do too. And I think he does good on, on the show. I just don't think she's, people are nicer because she's rich. I think people are nicer. She's always a vote. Yeah. So Claudia Jordan, I like Claudia Jordan so far. I'm, I'm down with her. And I like, she's going to be a bitch on wheels. She will be. I like that she is embarrassed about her toes. I find that to be somewhat relatable. I mean, I'm happy with my toes, but I just like that she has something that she's like embarrassed about because I have stuff. I'm embarrassed about mainly my chest. There. Y'all heard it. I'm embarrassed about my chest. But I like, I like her. And I like that when she reached out to Portia and she was like very like, she actually was like very, I thought sweet and she approached it in a very nice way. And she was like, listen, I feel like there's been a weird energy change and da, da, da, da. And Portia's like, you like Tom Ford? You know. She's like, that's kind of like the frame. Of Portia's so stupid. Well, first she went up to her destination and was like, hi Portia. And Portia's like, hello. Like, so what's going on, girl? She's not even answering, just doing your lipstick for Tony. She's not in the room. She's like, so Portia, what's your favorite color? And Portia's just like looking away and doing her lipstick. But didn't you feel like a little bit like maybe that was the producer's just slicing footage from later, like 20 minutes later? Maybe. Yeah, that's true. I kind of felt that it was so blatant. I was like, I mean, I think Portia is obnoxious, but not that obnoxious. Well, she did look, Portia, not Portia, but Claudia did look really awkward in that. That's true. Like she was getting screwed over at that moment. But the recap, the recap for this section. Her name is Elle Bookie. She's one of my favorites. She writes recats for this. And she's so funny. The first picture is Portia putting on makeup and it says, I'm so grateful for all the people who marched on Booker T Washington so I could get this far. And then there's a picture of Claudia below it saying, I didn't come for this nation. I'm coming for your peach bitch. And that is the foreshadowing. So watch out Portia. You can be mean, but this is the woman who literally takes the peach out of your hand mid-season and kicks your ass to the curb. So have fun acting like an asshole. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Have fun on a dish. You'll probably be on the TV version by next month too. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's very true. Yeah. So enjoy that dish nation. She probably doesn't even realize. She's probably still wondering like, so what are we going to talk about houseways? Isn't this dish nation? Yeah. She's going to be like, is it a state to eat on? Is it a state to eat hot things on plastic plates? Because that could give you cancer. Yeah. One time, I tried to eat cereal off a plate. But when I poured the milk in, it got everywhere. So that's a lesson for everyone in this material podcast. Don't use the wrong dish. Little crossover. Bling, bling, bling. By the way, my Porsche accent is like crazy today. I don't know why. I'm doing some crazy Audrey II Little Shop of Horrors thing with her. I'm like, it was similar to that. No. Whatever it is. Mr. Mushnick. Mr. Mushnick. Mr. Mushnick. See more? See more? I'm going to be on dish nation. Yes, doctor. Yes, doctor. Doctor. Doctor. This doctor is brought to you by Mailchimp. I know Seymour is the greatest, but I'm dating a semi-cedent. Suddenly, corn flakes are standing beside me. Don't even get started on Audrey songs because I'll somewhere that's green. Shit out of that. Out of that podcast. That's one musical that I definitely do know very well. At least the movie version. Okay. They're the same. It only cut out a couple songs. Movie versions into the woods made me cry. Go see everybody. Wow. Here's the speed stat. Yeah, I don't know if you'll like it because it's really musical-ish. Well, I saw the original. Did you like it? Well, I was a kid. But I liked it. Yeah. But I liked it because it's all these fair tales all in one place. Yeah. My family hated it. Well, we saw. I was only one who liked it. I was like, that was amazing. They're like, that music was so annoying. Fuck that show. But I loved it. And the movie was so good. Right. Okay. So the next part after Porsche and Claudia was when they had that awkward ass lunch together. Are we done talking about that or did you have some? Yeah. I'm trying to remember. Basically, Claudia was just being a bitch. Oh, she was being a bitch. Porsche, you're going to get your girl. So get ready because I can't wait to see it at this point. Right. The next part was this Todd and Candy Bullshit. Oh, yeah. Where Todd is now comfortable because he's married. I mean, it was pretty comfortable when they weren't married. But now that they're married, he's super comfortable. He's so. And his hat on top of his head turns sideways. I feel bad for Don Juan. I really do. I mean, the other two, I don't know what their deal is. But Don Juan, I feel like Don Juan has been like a really good worker all these years. And he's like, you know, and you know what I like about Don Juan? He sort of looks like a cartoon cat who's mad. Maybe even like Tom of Tom and Jerry. Is Tom the cat? Right? Which everyone's like that. He sort of looks like when he crosses his arms, I can just see him being a little cartoon cat being really angry that Jerry got away. You know? But I like Don Juan. And Todd is like so emblematic, I feel like, of middle management. Like he's exactly the sort of person who comes into your department and is now your new supervisor. And is like condescending and starts saying things like, well, what we need to start doing, what we need to start doing, what he really means, what you need to start doing. And it actually really rubbed me the wrong way. That entire Todd segment. Yeah, Todd's totally in the wrong. He's like, well, I don't think your team's really doing what they should be doing, baby. And you need to come down on them. And she's like, whoa. See? Nah. It was like everything's awesome, Mama. And I was like, see? Nah. We're in the class there. Cause I was like, whoa, whoa, glasses. And he's like, well, we need to talk to them. Todd's like, you guys are, you know, we're falling behind on these projects. Like remember that time we said we'd give songwriting classes and then nobody did anything. Yeah. I mean, that's what Todd expects to do. He expects to walk into a room and go, okay, we're going to give songwriting classes, do a Broadway show and record now of a buy. I'll be back in a month. Yeah. He's like, okay. So arrange my, arrange our wedding and put together this show with no time. And then I'm going to yell at you when you didn't do something else. You know, although I've been trying to work on Todd's voice. But it's that thing where when I'm watching a show, I can do the voice really well. But now that we're talking, it's probably from that all messed up. But basically, Todd just does that. He's like seeing now. He's like, he sort of talks high. He's like, he talks high. He's like, I don't see what's getting done over here. It's like, like, all I'm seeing is a bunch of you guys just sitting around. Like, Don Juan, like, you know, you're not doing anything. I know. Does that sound like him or no? No. No. You know, anyone involved at Candy Bird's household? I just can't do. See? Nah. Just looks like super calm. No, but he has a high pitch voice. His voice is so high. Like this episode, I noticed it. He was like, so these are the thing that we have to do. He's like, see, I'm not getting a lot of respect from you, Don Juan. See? Not Juan. I love that Don Juan. Anytime he's confronted, that head starts rolling back. And his finger starts waving, and he's like, oh, hell no, I know you didn't just tell me that. I mean, what about the album I produce? What about the show I produce? What did you do? I've been here 20 years. Who the hell are you, Shorty? Oh, nice hat on sideways. Get the hell out of here with your midget ass. Yeah. I love Don Juan. Don Juan. I love Don Juan. I think he's on top of shit, for sure. And I think Candy's on top of shit. And I think Don Juan had a great point, which is that, like, um, so before Todd came around, like, we had bedroom candy, and we had candy coated nights, and we had all this stuff, and everything got done. And Todd came in and was like, oh, what? Like, some classes? See? Nah, Todd. He's got, like, ideas and stuff, but, like, he's afraid to save them. So, rather, she likes to say things too. So, hey, Don Juan, you get them done. Um, I like that he was saying, y'all are getting too comfortable. And then the screen cap and the recap is him with his feet on the table while he's saying it. Nothing says comfort, like, feet on the table during a business meeting. Yeah. So, he's a little arrogant. Todd. I don't know. I'm not really a fan. I didn't really mind him before, but now I don't like him. I do find his way. Although I'm sorry your mom died. I love her. Yeah. We talked about it in the bonus episode too, but, like, we're sorry. Sorry. Sorry. But you're kind of getting arrogant. You're getting kind of arrogant. So, let's take it down a notch. Let's learn from Riley. We're back. Riley. See? Nah. Oh, yeah. That was just more of the usual. That was just like one of those generic scenes. Oh, yeah. That was just toes. Yeah. Let's see. Peter. I'm through the recap for this whole thing. Sars. It's okay. Well, there's Peter and Apollo, I think, had a moment. Where should Eva girls talk lying about lying? That was the next thing. Oh. Oh my God. Even though Apollo admitted that he was lying. Yeah. He's like, you think he's lying about lying? Come on. They are so evil. I mean, he's like, girl, any woman wants to lose 10 pounds. I mean, if it takes your husband going to jail to do it, send him off. Shut up. Shut up with your weird flapper hair, your flapper wig. That was funny, though. Yeah. I like that just seeing Nini back with everybody. I hate watching her in her own stupid scene. Yeah. She's definitely funnier when she can play up other people, for sure. Yeah. Just trash other people that are there, whatever. But did Peter do something? I feel like Peter did something that made me roll my eyes. Oh my God. Okay. So Apollo comes over to talk to Peter to basically get free booze, which is the same reason Peter's at work. So he goes to like bar none to talk to Peter. And bar one bar one bar none because I don't think it's there anymore. Oh, yeah. But Peter's advice about what a relationship is. That was the best part of the episode. He's like, she's treating you that way, brother. That's not how a relationship is. She's supposed to be with you the whole time. So if you like, if you're in jail, she's supposed to be excited for you. You know, she's supposed to be there. That's your girl. Or, you know, if you kill somebody, who cares? She's supposed to be there. That's your girl right there. You know, if that was my girl, I'd be there. I was like, Peter, you do nothing but spend your wife's money. Okay. And if your ass did what Apollo did and you got sent to jail, your wife would divorce you in two seconds, never speak to you again and be done with you. Don't. Exactly. Yeah. And then when, when Apollo's like, yeah, you know, poor, she used to visit me. I mean, uh, Sandra used to visit me. I was on an air mattress with an ankle bracelet. And she would come here all the time. And I was like, sure why they didn't do me? I was like, yeah, well, no shit Sherlock. She like invested in you. She like, she was like, she created a family tableau. Well, not tableau. She created an image of what she wanted her family to be. She said, okay, I'm going to plug this guy, this sap out from his air mattress. He's hot. He looks good. He'll give me like handsome babies. And we're going to play the part of husband and wife. And you ruined it. You did not live up to your end of the deal. No wonder why she's not calling you to jail. And not only that, but you know, poor, I'm not poor shit. You know that Phaedra was like, okay, here's the rules. Yeah, you work for me. You are welcome to do what you want to do on your own time, but no criminal. You cannot be going to jail again and acting like a damn fool. You just got out of jail. You got to be super careful, blah, blah, blah. Unless it's something that I set up for you. Yeah, because I still believe that. But you know that she gave him rules and he broke the only damn rule. She gave him. And now he's like, but now I'm going to come out and be poor. And that's all he cares about is coming out and being poor. He doesn't care about her. He doesn't care about. He's not worried about the kids. He's worried about coming out and being poor. No. Yeah. And I don't think there's going to be any like a friendly, uh, Jewess from NPR to make a podcast to get him out of jail this time around. You imagine there is a call from the correctional facility in Atlanta. Hey, baby. What you doing? Well, I was looking into your case and it looks like the cops timeline isn't really working out. What you wearing, baby? Well, it looks like the cops have you at the best buy at a time you couldn't have been there. We might be able to get you off. Oh, yeah, you can get me off, baby. Yeah. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Are you masturbating Apollo? Hey. Give me off. Give me off. You promise. Next week, I'm serious. He's supposed to think about my son. Why didn't him? Why didn't he get off? He's supposed to help me all the way through it. So Peter being a marriage advisor was hilarious to me. Shut up, Peter. Oh my God. It's just the worst. What else happened here? Lunch with Portia and Quazia. Well, then the Kenya when Candy was like, see, now the other girls were like, oh, she's like, you know, a lot about life. Oh, I just can't. Like, this is just, it's for two years. I've had this at my, my news is where calling me up and be like, anti, why would you do these things? You ruined my reputation. You've called me a whore for two years. Kenya, you've acted like a whore for two years. Okay. You've been looking him up and down, flirting with them to try and make problems in their relationship, suggesting that he's sending you sex messages, which he did not do and you never produced. So why don't you stop acting innocent? You big ol' hefa. And there's a reason that Donald Trump calls you the worst person he's ever met. Okay. And that guy was married to Ivana. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I wrote down a couple of my favorite lines. Portia, be a mic. You don't need to know nothing about the woo woo ding dang of the ding dang dang dang. Yeah, that was nice. Which is one of the ringers this month. And, um, Todd, when he was yelling at the staff for how they're not working enough for candy. And he was like, I mean, come on, y'all. I mean, we got a black president. She ain't even done nothing with the boss. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. Thank you for bringing that up. Yeah. Do not book Obama. You fucking moron. I mean, I'm surprised. I thought a mother's love was heading straight to the White House, at least the Kennedy Center. You know, I mean, it'll be getting its honor and like the Kennedy Center honors. How could you candy? How could you do this man and leave me without a house? What if you chose on a chicken bone candy? Oh, my God. That was the one of the most ridiculous things that Todd has ever said. We ain't done nothing. We ain't done nothing with the Obama's. We got a black president. We ain't even done nothing with Obama. Oh, no. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Oh, so God, you so. Ryla. See? Now. I see. See? Now it's the home of the brave. I'm looking to the street cap to see what I missed. I think we covered most of it. Why don't we move on to Vanderpump Rules? Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang. This hat. Oh, well, there is another good picture in here. It's of the little kid trying to pick a dog out at the dog. Oh, that was cute. And the caption is, "And it's good practice for learning how to talk while separated by several reinforced inches of material." Oh, geez. That's awesome. That's awesome. That is awful and awesome. It is. That's why the side is called Trash Talk TV. Okay. So let's go on to Vanderpump Rules. Let's go on to Vanderpump Rules. Yeah. My dad watched about three quarters of this with me. And then he finally got to his breaking point where he was like, "This is goddamn agony." And then pretty much just, you know, that was it for him. So this episode, this is sort of like a classic Vanderpump Rules episode where basically there was an allegation of cheating and it went back and forth all episode long until it erupted in like a mini fight. And now I think it's going to set up probably a season long series of denials leading to eventually an admission, right? That's what happens every season. Well, yeah. Because everybody confesses it to the last second. You know, Katie is going to be like, "Okay, I was giving him a blowjob under the table." But it's only because you were dating 20 other people in Vegas. So for those of you who missed it, the allegation is that Jax and Shana saw Katie motorboating a guy's dick at a club, which is not really something that people do. And my dad was like, "What's--" I've never heard of motorboating a dick. I know. My dad was like, "What's motorboating?" I was like, "Ah." I was like, "It's more like--" It's like, "Boom!" "Boom!" "Boom!" Yeah. Let me put your face in between big boobs and make that sound. I was like, "I'm really glad that this show let me sort of bond with my dad in that way that I could teach him what motorboating meant." Totally. Because on me back in his days, it was called giving a zerber to a tit. It was called the old FDR shuffle. All the evolution of language, dad. Hugs. So anyway, so Jax and Shina are claiming that they saw Katie do this. And Shina's been on this big campaign to turn the guys against Katie. Because every chance that she gets, she's like, "I don't understand. Like, why am I such a big--?" All of a sudden, Katie, like, Schwartz can't hang out with us just because Katie has an issue. Just because I'm here and now Schwartz can't hang out. I'm surprised you guys are still friends with her. Yeah, that whole group is really turned against Katie. I mean, Katie is a bitch from hell and I don't blame them. Because one minute she's pretending to be their friends and the second Stassi's back. She's like, "Whatever, I don't know you people." Because Stassi's the Alpha are Stassi. Don't forget that last season Katie was persona non-grata for a while. Like, I think the first half of the season everyone hated Katie because she like ruined Stassi's birthday party and she cried and she got too drunk and everyone's like, "Ugh, Katie." Yeah, she learned her lesson so now she's going to kiss Stassi's ass for the rest of time. Yeah. But for now, I just thought it was so crazy how by the end of the episode, Jax and-- Jax and Tom sit down at the table with Katie and then Jax-- Well, I guess Katie brought up this whole cheating allegation. And then Jax starts just like going at her. I was just like, "This is so ridiculous." Yeah, it's like, "Whatever, you cheat on your boyfriend, so whatever." And Jax is obviously just trying to break everybody up because he's alone. Yeah. I mean, he does this every season. He always like passes along gossip that'll destroy everyone's relationship with each other. Yeah, that's really a terrible person. I don't know why anybody hangs out with him. No, he's awful. I'm surprised, and I'm not surprised that Tom Sandoval is hiking out with him again. I'm surprised because Jax did awful things to him. And not surprised because Tom's just not that smart. Tom! Okay, so the first scene of this episode was Jax getting his nose stuff taken off, right? Yeah. It wasn't like a veiling of the nose. Yeah, which looks bad. And so Tom Sandoval and Jax were at the doctor's office. And the doctor comes in, and Tom cannot stop looking this guy up and down. He's like in love with the doctor, which was hilarious. The doctor's hot. That's what I'm saying. Well, I mean, we would get the same way, right? So then the doctor finally leaves, and Tom's like, "Dude, that guy gets late every day." Jax is like, "Yeah, we're totally head row, but that guy's fucking hot, right?" And they're like, "Yeah, he's hot." It's like, "Hashtag, no homo, no homo." Yeah. I don't know about that. You shave your forehead. And don't. You know, I once had a super hot doctor. I once went to, I had to go to the emergency room because I like, I like cuffed up blood once, like at five in the morning, and it turns out it was totally benign and just like from a weird cold. But my emergency room doctor was like gorgeous, like dropped dead. I mean, it was, and my friend Jenny drove me to the emergency room, and so we're sitting in this little examination room, and this guy walks in. I mean, it's like dream though. Like hotter than the plastic surgeon, and he's so gorgeous. And he's like, "So tell me what's wrong." And I was like, "Uh, uh, uh, I couldn't talk." And I looked over to Jenny, and she has her head in her hands because she's like, "She can't believe how hot this guy is." And she knows what's going through my head, and she knows that if I look at her, she's going to start laughing. Like, here I am, I've just cuffed up blood, and all I can think about is, "Oh my God, this doctor's so hot." Like, all I want to do is laugh. It was, uh, you know Jenny. I'm going to make love to this doctor. You know Jenny Ronnie. Next time you see her, you got to ask her about this doctor. It was unbelievable. Hotness. Hot doctors. Hot doctor. They do exist. They do exist. Um, what else happened in this show? This show's so silly because a lot of times nothing really happens on it, but it's just so funny because it shows, like, the shallow ass city that LA is. It's just hilarious to me. It works. Like, Jackson's nose job, and then Lisa's acting like she's doing this huge favor distassi by letting her be the stylist for her cover shoot for Frontiers magazine. Yeah, she's like, "The Frontiers magazine." It's a very, you know, it's a very, like, prominent gay magazine. I'm like, "No, it's a free shit that you find on the corner of Joey's Cafe." Yeah, it's like next to the thrifty nickel, please. Yeah, please. Like, it's like a step above the penny saver. It just was like penny saver with, like, abs. Yeah, it's like how you find out which go-go boys are working where on what night, and then it's where you see all these, like, all your old queen friends, like, posing for the weird paparazzi guy that goes around taking pictures. Yeah. He's like, "Here's nobody, and here's another nobody, and here's another nobody. Here's a nobody with Botox." It's the who's not... It's the... It's like the who's not who's not of my Hollywood. Who's not anybody, the who's not who? No, yes. Well, I mean, Stasi was being kind of ridiculous. I mean, but Lisa's stupid. I mean, she... Who would hire Stasi? I would never hire Stasi, my stylist, because everything Stasi wears now comes from, like, school marms incorporated. No kidding. It's like, she, you have... No one who has soccer mom hair can be a stylist. Sorry. Sorry, Stasi. But also, Lisa... I mean, I know it always feels like we've got our head up Lisa's butt on this show. I mean, I admit that, but... I just think, like, Lisa's trying to be nice and give Stasi a reason to be on camera, since she doesn't even work there anymore, and the show's about the restaurant. Like, you know she was the one who called Stasi and was like, "Stasi, you should come back to the show. Why are you giving up a TV show? Don't be an idiot." As Stasi came back just to, like, fucking hang out, you know that that's all what happened, and she's just trying to give her some TV time, and Stasi's like, "Lisa, wouldn't you mind paying me? What a bet. She didn't even say thank you." Yeah, Stasi better be careful, because the way she's playing it this season, she might not be back next season, I say. She's not doing anything interesting, and she's not being bitchy. I mean, not too much happened this week. Kristen came back from her suspension, and she's like, "Seriously, Lisa? Seriously, Kevin? Like..." I'll be a lot more professional from now on, so, like, seriously, seriously. Seriously. And her boyfriend's like, "Well, I got a much bigger penis than Tom does." It's disgusting. I wish this was a drama on TV, like, Sons of Anarchy, because if this was Sons of Anarchy, his head would be blown off by the end of the season. I wish, I actually wish, I wish Kristen were hosting cereal. She'd be like, "So, Anand, did you not kill me? Did you not kill Hay?" He'd be like, "No, man, I didn't." She's like, "Seriously, seriously." This week, I went and I spoke to Jay, and I was like, "Jay, your story doesn't make sense. Like, seriously, seriously, seriously?" It just became "serially." So, when you went to get stoned at your friend's house, did you call anybody? Seriously? So, then, there was another girl who said she called, "Ah, it's hard." Anand, you're going to throw your- I want the cable back, Anand. I want my cable back. Anand, did you fuck a girl in Vegas? No, I've been in jail. Stop lying, Anand. Seriously? Seriously? I know what you've been up to. Seriously. Seriously? It took me like 25 minutes to get the best buy. It doesn't take like 17 minutes, like seriously. Seriously? Remember when I first fucked you when I was stealing CDs from Best Buy, Anand? He was like, "Ah, I know that was another black guy." She's like, "Seriously? Seriously?" I was trying to get him off, too. Anand, I brought my executive producer, Shina. Anand? I have a question. Why is there glass in my butt? Did you do that? Seriously, Anand, I can't believe you did that. Anand, we were rocking through the forest to find out where that guy said he went pee-pee and he stepped in a bottle. Anand! Anand, I can't believe you killed Hay on my birthday. Like, mine's always happened at my birthday party. Anand, I can't believe you didn't even text me after you killed that girl. [LAUGHTER] Next week on Cereal. I really wish we had a tech person to go in there and add that fucking thing everywhere we mentioned it, because that shit would be hilarious. [LAUGHTER] Obviously, go through an episode of Cereal, and I'm going to take out whatever her name is, Sarah Koenig, and I'm just going to put in seriously, seriously, with every single segment, every single interview. Seriously, Nisha? Seriously? [LAUGHTER] Seriously, Kathy? I know we changed your name, but, like, seriously. Oh, my God, that shit is hilarious. You guys, please, if you don't know what we're talking about and you're mad at us for acting like such retards, please listen to cereal at least once so you can get this podcast. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, we are off the rails. [LAUGHTER] Okay, so Vanderpump rules. So let me look at my notes. Yeah, look at your notes. Lisa and Stacey, puppy, nose job doctor, that dog is not your-- Oh, that's going to fix everything. Tom Schwartz, first of all, you're not having sex with your girlfriend. She's probably cheating on you, and you hate each other. So instead of just breaking up to pacify her wanting to get married all the time, you get a dog. No, that's like having a baby to save your marriage. That doesn't work, and especially getting a dog doesn't because the dog can't take sides. It can't even talk. Second of all, you idiot. That dog is not one years old. They want to get that dog from barking bitches on Fairfax. Yeah. That place is the biggest ripoff. That woman charges like $800 to get a dog to adopt an old-ass droopy about to die a dog. She charges you like $600 to $800, and then she's a liar. That dog was not a year old. It has a gray beard. Yeah. It was like a black and white dog. That is an old-person dog. Yeah, that should go with Stacey. Give that one to Stacey. She'll be like, "Right?" He's like, "Oh, these stupid dog." Shit. I'm going to literally get it down. I am literally going to chop this dog's head off and smear the blood all over sir, because I'm so glad I don't work there anymore. I am literally going to bite this dog's nose off, put it in a martini glass, make sheenah, fill it with a cosmopolitan made with Vanderpump vodka, then I'm going to drink it, then I'm going to poop it out, sift through my poop, rinse it off, cook it into a meal, and serve it to jacks. Fucking old-person dog. Stacey did provide one of my favorite lines this season, though, when she said, "I don't know what I ever did to you, but I will take a Pinot Grigio." I think that was it. I have girl brunch, but any girl brunch is just Stacey basically being like, "Why are you guys still friends with those losers? Why are you even dating Tom? Why aren't you even working at sir? Why are you even doing that? I've got a weird boyfriend. I mean, why aren't we even here? Why are we eating this crap?" And I love that they were at Szilard de Copenah, like sitting on the noisiest street in Hollywood to film a stupid brunch scene. I know. How's your cold, great? There are the hottest guys there, though. If you go in the middle of the week and want to do something like work, if you want to go to Copenah, shop in the middle of the week, all the hot actors are at that place. I perform at the theater down the street, so it's not fun to cruise there, because people are like, "Hey, I saw you in there. You had your laptop out, but you just kept staring at that hot guy the whole time. What were you doing?" "Damn it. Can I just have some privacy?" "Oh, there's a helicopter ahead. Probably trying to stop the rain with chemtrails." "You know a helicopter?" "Yay." Okay. Vanderpump drool is... "Okay. So why don't we go on to your house in Hollywood? This is all about Sasha. Now, I have to say, this is very funny. I have to say, you know, this is not a whole birthday party, and I have to say that this is like, I didn't want to have a lot of drama at the birthday party, but this is like, I have to say, very funny. There's a lot of drama here. It's very American. There's so many people, because they're such a party, because I'm such a big deal, like from where I'm from, that I need to have, like, people, and they have to be like, "Wow, you're doing so great for yourself," because look at you have this big birthday party, so it means you must be doing something so great for yourself, and that's how to be an American. Here it is. This is like one of the best restaurants in Los Angeles right now, and so I have to show the Germans that this is like going very well for me right now, so I have to say that I think I did a very good party. So funny. I thought I was pretty good. His little stupid party. He ended up just taking the same people from his photo shoot, right? Didn't they just do a photo shoot? Didn't somebody just do a photo shoot with all those crazy? I think so. You know, I actually like Sasha so much. I feel like he seems like a little irritable sometimes, but he seems like a really nice guy. Like, he seems like I feel like we could be friends. You know, I think he just, I don't know, there's something very likable about Sasha, but what I did think was funny was that for the past two episodes, it was like, so, you know, I'm having a big birthday party and the Germans are going to be there. And I need to show them that there's not a lot of drama. Like, I don't want any drama to be there. I just wanted to be good vibes. So I want like funny and Blyona just to get to the bottom of it. So we could just have a good time, you know, and then the only one who creates drama, the entire party is Sasha when he goes after Isabel. Yeah, he's, he's loves it. He loves the drums. He's a queen. And if you notice, okay, so this week we also got to hear some of his music and see him and the producing, you know, in the producing arena. And we got to see who he's working with and like his little Euro friends who are like his teammates. And there's one. He's like the little bear with a beard, like a blonde beard. I think he's in love with Sasha. I'm not sure if they do it. I think that was Bjorn. Those Bjorn and Lars, I think. Wow, you have a good memory. Well, cause I was just like, these are such stereotypically German names. Like Bjorn and Lars. Like Sven. Yeah. But yeah, I think that he's in love with him. And also, I think Sasha might be gay because he left his wife in a different country. And also, I think he might be gay because he loves to stir the shit. He just wants to go to surf for his birthday, which is the gayest thing I've ever heard. Yeah. And he wants to start shit with women, which is also so gay. Yeah. Yeah. But he's definitely leading that way, I think, a little bit at least. So, you know, in this episode, I'm trying to remember the funny things. We have Fawny. Well, Fawny called up her mom. I love Fawny's mom. Cause Fawny's like, "Hello, mama. Hello, mama." I'm here to show you my arms. I don't have me. I'm doing so good. I'm doing so good. I'm doing so good. I'm doing so good. I'm doing so good. I'm doing so good. I'm doing so good. I'm doing so good. I am. I met so many people. Sometimes I try to touch my boobies. And sometimes I go to the park. Yeah. The mom's like, "Oh, just keep doing your art." And Fawny is like, "I just feel like I'm creating my holy life out here for me. And this is what I'm all about, my new life with art." Yeah. All I want to do is make some art for my boys. Cause I'm Fawny. Fawny. Fawny does art for Sasha. So that's basically all Fawny did because her whole thing was huge. Here's my art. And I'm going to go to the party. And I'm not going to like... I don't want to talk to Isabel. And then there was... Oh, what's his face? What's the Italian guy's name again? What's his name? You know? The gay Italian actor. Oh. Oh, yes. Massimo. Massimo. You have to go to Romania. He's so, you know, he's so winsome. He's kind of like this never-ending optimist. Or he's got never-ending optimistic fuel inside of him. Yeah. Doing his low-budget movie where he has like two lines in Russian and he gets strangled. Oh. He's like, "Thank you so much for this opportunity." Like, "Now I have career. I am now living off my acting." I'm like, "Well, I don't know about that." No, you've got a month's rent. But you're living. You're living. And that's something. And you've got flown somewhere to do this. Yeah. Massimo's so cute and so positive. I really like that kid. I don't know about his dancing and all of that. Even Fonnie's like, "Oh, Massimo. He's so nice, but he shouldn't dance like this. He's not sexy." And Blyona, everybody put Blyona in her place so she's trying to be so nice now. She's like, "Oh, I love this party. Oh, listen to the music. It's so wonderful." I love you. I love you. I shadow. Oh, Sasha. What was the great song? I love this song. I actually love this song. She's like, "Mother, you're going to look like shit." Someone fixed my mother's face. It looks disgusting. I honestly, like, I really do wonder if you are trying to make it in America as like a pop star. You know, and trying to seem young and relevant and you're trying to pass yourself off as 29, doesn't it really work against your image to constantly be filmed with your old parents in your old person's apartment? Well, Russian decoration is different than ours. It's a certain European in general. Or whatever. It's not, you know, I'm an ignorant American. To me, there's like Russia and London, okay, and Ireland. It's all over there, okay? I know you from your, I know the difference because of accents, not borders. I'm literally without borders, you guys. I'm a recapper without borders. So progressive. But yeah, that Euro decoration isn't very cute. It's like Granny curtains and, you know, carpeting. Yeah. Crankers and carpeting. So, you know, I had to say, I didn't mind Sasha. I didn't think it was the worst. I liked it, actually. Yeah. I have to say, I really liked it. I thought it was good. I love that kind of music. It's very, um... Yeah. It was like... No, let's say... Don't wake away. Fire away. Fire away. What is that song? Who's who made that song? Titanium. By Sia and David Getta. Yeah, David Getta. I love that guy. It's kind of similar to his music. Yeah. I know it is. But Isabelle, with zero talent, is like... Yeah. It needs more. Actually, it needs another layer. It needs other layers. It needs layers. It just needs layers. I don't think that she's actually the authority on house music. She's just married to an authority. But she married, you know, that's a real housewives trademark. Where you marry somebody with talent and then suddenly you have talent. Like, no bit. Although it was funny that when Sasha was... He basically, the reason why he was really pissed was because of the last party. She didn't introduce him to Steve Angelo. And he was really annoyed. But he's like, "This isn't about, you know, who your husband is. It's more like, you know, if I was at the party and I didn't introduce you to my wife, I think I'd be very rude." I'm like, "Shut up, Sasha. Don't..." Yeah, it's obviously your mouth that you didn't get introduced to the famous guy. But I think what he's trying to say without really saying it, because he'd come off as a total douche, is if we're a group that's saying we're going to help each other make it in America, and I'm trying to produce a song for Blayona to help her. And she's doing it with me to get me publicity on this show that we're on. And then if, you know, we're trying to get Fawny this and we're trying... We're all helping each other and you're just sitting there like a bitch and you're the only one without any talent and you're not wanting to help anybody do anything. You just want to sit there and be more famous than people. And also that bitch is walking around that party like it's all... She's like, "Oh, it's so over the top and tacky." You had a fucking keg stand at your party, okay? People were doing keg stands. Please be quiet. Although I did kind of like her party. A party sucked ass. Are you crazy? What? I love beer pong. I totally would have done it. I totally would have gone to it. But it was sort of like her party was definitely like hipster, like... You know, I mean, here's the thing. I mean, her party was very hipster. It was hipster and ironic, which shows that she's kind of, you know... I don't think she's... I think she was. I think she was doing the LA thing and the Euros were doing the Euro thing, which is why they're going to have trouble succeeding because they have to sort of be cool Angelenos if they want to get it. No, the LA thing is to have an open bar and have a classy rooftop party with music and stuff and catering. She had peanut butter sandwiches and keg and then red cups to put soda if you happen to bring some. No, she had an open bar too, I thought. No, she didn't have a bar. They didn't have blue. They had cheap beer. She had cheap beer, but I still think... Listen, I have been to many hipster parties. She was falling right in line with that. I felt like... Either way, either way, she was. She did have an attitude about the party. Well, first of all, can you really blame her? She's that surfer crying out loud. I would have an attitude too. Well, not when I just had a keg at my party. I don't know. I don't think I would read just my expectations. You know, you did touch on something, which is that the rest of them actually do have a talent. Maybe not so much Mossy though. He's trying to... he's trying to try to, but you know, Fawny, I actually... He's got a certain kind of charisma, and I think... And he works. He really, you know, he does... He hustles, and I have to really respect that. Yeah, me too. And Fawny, I actually do think, is talented with her art at the very least. I haven't really heard much of her music. I heard one song, sort of like whatever, but... You know, she's not like... She's not one of these people that says that she's an artist, and then it's like crap on a canvas. There is actually artistry that she shows. And Sasha... Sasha is good at what he does, actually. And even Beliana, you know, she does something. She is the Madonna of Albania. And I'm wondering if this... Well, yeah, she's hustling. She's like, "Okay, here's the song list. We've got two songs from Timbaland, er, from Timbaland." I know I'm doing what's going on. Damn you, Real Housewives of Melbourne. You know that's never going to leave my brain. Oh, she's like... I still do it all the time for fun. We've got two songs from Timbaland, and, oh, no, it's happening to me too now. She's got... I've got two songs from Timbaland. But yeah, she's spending all this money on producers. She's got it... I mean, what is her budget, and how rich is she? Jesus Christ. Yeah, she must have it. Has the dollar really suffered that much? Well, it sounds like her dad was pretty connected. He was... It sounds like he killed people, so he probably got a good... I know, I love that she's bragging about her father being able to make people disappear. I know. I know. Either way, I really enjoy the Euro's show, and I hope people are watching it. They probably aren't. Yeah, I really like the Euro's of Hollywood too. Yeah. I doubt that it'll be around for another go at it, but I like it. I think the nice change is that it's actually about nice people. Yeah. I really love it. I feel like Southern Charm was that way too. Yeah. It's generally about really nice people, and it's... They got in fights sometimes, but it was mostly just you enjoying them being fun. Yeah, absolutely. Nice change. Take note, Haslaz, which possibly they are bringing people like Lisa Renna on, but who knows? So now Ron and I have an issue here, which is that I texted Ronny and I said, "Are we going to cover the girlfriend's guide to divorce?" And Ronny was like, "Yeah, I think we probably should at least the first one." I was like, "Yeah, I know, you're right." So I watched this show, and then Ronny said he didn't watch it. I'm so mad. Yeah, sorry. But guess what was on last night, the penultimate episode, two-hour episode of Sons of Anarchy. And after I watched that, I was like, "I cannot sit through the girl's guide to divorce after watching what she's after." Okay, I respect that. Oh, I respect that. I had to take a moment and breathe deeply and sit there in the silence and just think about what went down. You know what? I respect that, Ronny. I really do. So I did watch this show. I mean, I was like, "I get stuck watching fucking Below Deck or some crap you didn't watch." Jerk. I know. But I am curious about this show because during Housewives, they were showing an extended commercial of it where she's standing with her ex-husband at the bar ordering drinks. And he's like, "Oh, I'll have something frigid." And she's like, "I'll have something that cheats with a cherry." And he's like, "I'll have something old and scraggling dried up." And she's like, "I'll have ball skin down to my knees." And it's like this stupid war at the bar. And I was like, "I don't know about this show." Yeah, I mean, it's hard to say. I actually felt like it was not a proper fit with Bravo, believe it or not. When I was watching it, it was very much, "Oh, there's that phone again." Oh, there's those telemarketers again. That's Lisa Edelstein calling me, like, "Are you talking about my show?" It's like, "This is Lisa Edelstein." Yeah. Are you happy with your home phone service? I know. Sorry, everyone. I'm being considered adding voicemail to your package. Clean, clean, clean, clean. Yeah. Oh, I'm being called to be a witness on the next episode of Serial. It's probably my parents calling about dinner. So anyway, the thing was that the show, I thought what the show is going to be more like, she already was divorced. And now she's finding her way. But really, the pilot was much more about the decline of her marriage. And it was kind of depressing, I thought, because of that. It wasn't like First Wives Club. I'm not saying I thought it would be like First Wives Club, but meaning that, like, the joy and the liberation that comes with, you know, moving on in life, you know? Yeah. And it was like, "Oh, look at this marriage fall apart." And this is, I don't know. Well, I think this isn't the first episode. But I think, like, I just thought it was going to start off, like, in the first minute we'd find out that the divorce is, like, he's left her or whatever in the first scene. And now it's happening. I thought it was like, "Oh, we're going to watch it fall apart." But the reason why I actually felt like it doesn't, to me, it actually, it played more like a show that would be on E and not Bravo. Because... Euch. No, no, no, no. It doesn't say anything about the quality of it. But it's more, you know, E is where you go, you watch your section city, reruns on E, you watch Kardashians, you watch E-news. It's sort of like where, sort of like a network that you watch if you're a sassy woman, like, you know, or like, it's the network that you watch with, like, a red Cosmo. And I know that Bravo is very similar, but I do think that there is a difference between the Bravo brand and the E brand, and I thought this was more an E show. And so, I'm not the demographic for a girlfriend's guide. Well, one of the reasons that I didn't watch it was because it was an hour. What the frick? I don't think that's shown as to be an hour. I thought it was a... I thought it was going to be a half an hour comedy, and it was more drama... It was like drama... It was light in tone, but it was more of a dramedy leaning towards drama, I found. And that caught me off guard a little bit. I thought it was going to be a half an hour comedy. And I think there's room for a half an hour comedy about divorce. But I feel like this, like, this... The tone of the show just did not seem very bravo to me, which doesn't necessarily mean anything that's wrong with the show, but it just means that I'm the bravo demographic I feel like, or part of it, and it didn't really speak to me in that way, necessarily. Well, it'll be interesting to see what they do, because I think they're coming out with a few scripted things. They did have... I've heard that they were doing a TV version of Heathers, but I guess that... Well, during it, they had commercials for something called Odd Mom Out, I think. And it was like this woman in the Upper East Side, she's like a mom smoking cigarette in the bathroom. And it's like... It's again, it's one of these like sardonic, kind of like, over-it, totally thing. And, you know, again, I just feel like, believe it or not, I feel like that actually works better on E. I know that sounds crazy. I don't watch E at all. So, I mean, E is dead to me since the Kardashians. Yeah, I just feel like... I just... You know, I feel like watching Sex and the City or whatever, there's... I know that there's a certain type, there's a certain, like, mindset you get in when you watch Sex and the City, and I feel like that's the same mindset that you want to get in before you watch Girlfriend's God to divorce. And I feel like in bravo, you know, I think if I were to see something scripted on bravo, I wanted to be... I know it sounds crazy, but like flamboyant. And not being like, "Oh my God, gay queens" or whatever, but I think everything in bravo is kind of silly, and I think this is almost too serious for bravo. Well, I really like the idea of another Sex and the City, because I love that show, and I love the cast that they've assembled for it, so I'll have to check it out. I'll watch it again next week. Jeanine Garafolo is, I think, the best, and her character is the most interesting. I find that the ex has been that he's unpleasant, and there's someone else who's... Oh, Bernadette Peters is going to play her mom, which is sort of interesting. Love her. Oh my God. Okay, I'm sold. I'll be watching every episode. Bernadette, because I was watching that into the woods movie, and I was... I mean, Meryl Streep's really, really... I mean, obviously. She's Meryl Streep. People would clap after everything Meryl Streep did, and that movie people are so in love with her. But I was still like, "Bitch, you better back away from Bernadette's role. I don't care if Bernadette Peters is 5,000 years old. You better bring her ass out here to sing this song, because it'll make me cry." Good acting though, Meryl. Okay, but I'm looking up this odd mom out, and I love the idea of this. The single-camera series captures the outrageous world of the uber-wealthy momzillas of New York's Upper East Side. Oh my God. What a great idea for a show. Those bitches are crazy. Yeah. I'm friends with one of those ladies, and it is frightening how they work. They're like... They all read the same website, they all talk about the exact same things, they have the same little opinions, the same hair. Love it. I think it's gonna be good. It could be good. I mean, we'll watch it. We'll watch it. Yeah. We'll be there. We'll at least watch the first episode. But either way, I'm still... Well, sorry I let you down, Ben, but I'll watch it next week for sure. It's alright. You know what? I'm always happy for Lisa Edelstein. You know, I have a special place in my heart for Cutty from House. So um... Ben, will you watch the season finale of Sons of Anarchy next Tuesday, please? I have to talk about it with my buddy. I have to wash my hair. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't do it. Oh. Oh. Happy birthday, Ben. Oh, thanks, Ronnie. Tomorrow's your birthday. This is true. Tomorrow's the birthday. Happy birthday, Ben. Thanks, Ronnie. You guys can leave Ben a birthday present at Patreon.com. I love that you on Thanksgiving, you're like, "We're so thankful for you, especially the people who signed up at patreon.com/watchit.com." I am. I am thankful. They're paying my bills. Please go to patreon.com/watchitcrapins to feel how thankful we are. No, I am thankful because they're paying my bills for crying out loud. Of course I'm... Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What? Whoo-whoo. Shabang-bang. Ding-dong. Lick-a-lick. Lick-a-lick-a-lick. Um, so anyway, another fun episode, done and complete, um, to follow us on social media, go to watchwatchcrapins.com and you'll find the links to everything. And there's a lot to get involved with. Um, and as Ronnie was just mentioning, patreon.com/watchworkrapins. I think we're at like $630 so far per episode, which is amazing. And if we get to a thousand, there'll be two episodes of Watch what Crap is per week. Of course, people who donate get to get to listen to bonus, the bonus after show. Oh, and one more thing, uh, we are doing a hangout, a Google hangout next week, which is, what, Thursday the 11th for Patreon subscribers. So, um, they've been really fun. We've done two so far. So, uh, if you want to be a part of that, just keep an eye on our Facebook page for all the details and we'll send you to the appropriate links. Super fun. Right, Ronnie? It's gonna be so fun, guys. It's the most fun you've ever had on a Google hangout. That's right. And also, don't forget to go to Patreon for your ringers that have been put up for the month of November. There's four to five ringers there. Yeah. There's Google me, bitch, Riley, Foni song that Ben sings and wrote. Yeah. And a little, um, I think there's a couple of little candy things in there. Yeah. And, uh, I heard through the grapevine that there might be a bravo Christmas carol coming out soon. Oh my God. I totally heard it. I'm funny. I'm funny. Everyone should stay listening to Watch for Crap and find out more details. That's time come, funny things. So anyway, everyone, thanks for listening. And we'll see you next week when I'll be a little bit older. Yep. Hi, everybody. Hi. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. The folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Elijah Schleisinger, nice and driving friends with it for 10 years, one of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down Internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. On Monday, Josh Leibarger made his status, followed by a frowny face. It got one like and five comments, including dislike. Well, Josh, Geico also wants to make a comment. To turn that emoji's frown upside down, in just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. With all that extra dough, why not give Monday a makeover? We see an office party in your future, hosted by you, #happyface, #savings. Geico. This could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watchbook Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the depths of the internet is the kill list, a cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how it ended up in a race against time to warn those whose lives were in danger. And it turns out, convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C true crime shows like Morbid, early ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out Exhibit C in the Wondery app for all your true crime listening.
