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Okay, thank you, bye guys. ♪ Watch what crappins ♪ ♪ Watch what crappins ♪ ♪ Can't sweat ♪ ♪ Have been spent there so far ♪ ♪ The crappins ♪ ♪ Have been spent ♪ ♪ Good crappins ♪ ♪ But when you watch what crappins ♪ ♪ Can't sweat ♪ ♪ Have been spent there so much that crappins ♪ - Hey everyone, welcome to the Watch what crappins podcast. The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV, and I'm here with Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog. Hi Ben. - Hey. - Thank you so much for being here. - Thank you for having me. - Guys, you can find us on Facebook.com/watch what crappins to tell us what you think and post articles and give us shit, whatever you'd like to do. We're also on patreon.com. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com/watch what crappins. There you can be a subscriber to the show where you'll get extras, like a weekly bonus episode, a monthly Google Hangouts party, which will be happening next Thursday night, the 19th, right Ben? - Some of them, some of them. - I believe it's the 13th, 13th, 13th, Thursday the 13th. - Guys, we're doing that Thursday the 13th, and then we'll be giving, for the ultra subscribers, we will be giving ringtones. We had our first round last month, and that was really fun, and we're getting some more together now. For our social media links, Ben and I, you can find those at watch what crappins.com. That has a link to our Patreon page, our Facebook page, all our Twitters, on my Instagrams and blah, blah, blah, and we will stop wasting our time with that at the front of the show. So just go find crappins.com to find that stuff. What do you want me in? - Sorry, I got very urgent, right? I'm drinking coffee. On January 25th, we're doing a live show at the Improv in Hollywood. So if you're in the LA area-- - Yeah, come down to the live show that's going to be-- - Come watch it! ♪ I'm a ♪ - It be seeps fun. We want a big crowd. - Yeah, and we're going to have to try and get some housewives or something in there. - We get something. We got something or someone. We got a robot. - Yeah, we'll get a little Roomba. - Yeah, okay. We'll see what the Roomba has to say. 'Cause I'll tell you one thing, a Roomba is a little bit more articulate than many of these housewives. - No kidding, at least it has a purpose. - Yeah, it's like, ugh, okay, that makes sense. Certainly makes more sense than half the shit that comes out of these women's mouth. - What about "Little Machine"? It doesn't look like it makes a lot of sense, but it's actually doing something with its life. - I know, it actually has a purpose. - Yeah. - When it hits a wall, it knows to turn around and go in another direction. - Am I just through a drink at it and call it a cunt for the next 13 hours? - Or to deny that the wall was even there, or that it hit the wall in the first place. Or to say that the wall is now going to tear apart its family, even though it was the Roomba's fault for hitting the wall in the first place. - Or to call the wall an anti-Semite. (laughs) - When they know you've lost the argument. - Or to kill, or she's the wall of making up rumors about the Roomba's mother. (laughs) - Oh God, oh man, can we start? Okay, first off, we have so much to be grateful for this week, it's not even Thanksgiving. But listen, it was just candy Halloween, so thank you for all the candy, neighbors. - Yeah. - Also, Bravo got off its ass and released two new shows this week, Band of Pump Rules, which isn't new, but it's prepared, which is great. And the Euros of Hollywood. So thank you Bravo gods, because we needed that. - Now, of course, I'm thinking about Kristin as a Roomba. Every time she gets the wall, I'll go, - Seriously? - Oh, oh, seriously? - I looked up this wall on Instagram, it's a whore. (laughs) - This wall cheated on the other wall. I saw, it was on the Home Depot Instagram. - I can't even face that wall. - I can't even look at that wall, it makes me so angry. (laughs) - Seriously? Like, look at all the crumbs in front of this wall. Like, seriously? - Do you wanna start with that, or do you wanna start with real housewives of Jersey? - Yeah, I'm gonna let you choose. - Let's say Jersey, let's just... - Let's get the shit out of the way. - Yeah, let's just get Jersey. - Let's use our Roomba to suck up all this crap on the floor that is New Jersey. - Yeah, this was a very extreme week of Teresa victimhood. - Yes. - But when they shot this, Teresa, in all fairness, had just been sentenced like two days ago. - Yeah. - And so they had this, you know, they did all this shit because they're awful people. And I love that they don't, I love that Bravo doesn't even try to pretend anymore. Like, Andy, Andy's just had to stop pretending that he's not basically just ruining everyone's life. And that was the best part to me of the reunion when Andy is telling Dina. Well, I think the show probably ruined your relationship with your sister, right, Dina? And then Teresa starts a plot, like, gives him a golf club. And she's like, finally, you admit that this show has some effect on people's lives. And I was like, wow, that's pretty astute of Teresa. - It's pretty astute, but it's also pretty stupid because if you have that issue, then why have you been on the show for like five seasons? - Well, but she's talking about specific manipulation. Like, Dina agreed to do the show because her family wasn't on it. So they said, okay, your family's not on it. And then midway through, they're like, hi, hi, your family's on it. - Yeah, and they cheated, you know? And that's not cool. - Yeah, but at the same time though, like, they didn't shoot any scenes. I mean, Jacqueline was obviously shot. - She refused to do it, she wouldn't do it. - Yeah, but also Jacqueline, like, she wasn't, she didn't do a scene with anyone, except for one of the twins and Kathy. Like, she was in a whole different universe. It was like, obviously-- - I know, but that wasn't the goal. You see, they thought they could mix them in and Dina would just have to go with it. That's why Andy was like, oh, you know, there's rumors that you were like gonna be furious with anybody who shot with Jacqueline, you know? So like, trying to make her look like a bitch, basically, like, calling her out on national TV. And she was like, well, you know, I didn't agree to ever film with her. That's why I didn't do the show in the first place. You kind. - Right, yeah. - I just want somebody to say that to him. Like, you stupid kinds. Like, what do you think? I'm gonna just like suddenly throw everything out the window and fight just so you can get better ratings. You're a stupid show, you cunt. How about like, make an effort and stop hiring people in front of the Dairy Queen or wherever those bitches get their kulatas? Like, make an effort out of your-- - To Dunkin' Donuts. - Right. - That's why I get my kulatas. - Kulata from Dunkin' Donuts, what about Bobby? We both reached the same kulata and knocked it over. - Well, the thing is, I have very mixed feelings about Dina because it sounds like the root of it all is Jacqueline. She sounds like she really hates Jacqueline and she doesn't want to be around Jacqueline for whatever reason. We don't know why, but that's what I'm gathering because also-- - Well, they noticed the clip of the first season where it started, right? - Where did it start? - They showed that argument where Jacqueline was going at, Jacqueline was going at the Hoard, the stripper, the stripper Hoard, the prostitution. - Danielle, Danielle Stobbe. - Yeah, she was going at her and then Dina stood up and was telling Jacqueline to shut up or something. - Didn't you see that whole part? - Yeah, yeah, I didn't realize that that's what started the whole feud. And then Jacqueline was like, what did Jacqueline say? I don't remember. - Well, she said it started with the show and then that's what they showed from the show. So I'm guessing it just started going out of there because Dina was insinuating throughout the show that about all the stuff that happens off the show. So like Danielle working with Jacqueline to bring down Teresa, she insinuated stuff about that which we already knew. - Yeah, I think that, yeah, I think that I'm assuming that Dina really did not like that. Jacqueline really ever had some sort of relationship with Danielle because I remember from the very beginning, from the very first season was really sort of centered around the fact that Danielle wanted to be friends with Dina and Dina hated Danielle. And so there was always this thing, you know? But when Dina was talking and she said that she's tried to reach out and that she didn't get like any, she didn't get like any like text messages or like things would be going, well, and then things would change or like Lexi wasn't invited to like a party or something like that, you know? So at first I was like, oh gosh, like that's interesting. But then I honestly, Caroline was on watch what happens and someone posted this on our page. I'm sorry, I don't have it up so I can't give you credit. But Caroline was kind of like, she made a good point. She said, Dina says like that she would like to do a cooking show with me but she says, I'm a package deal, you can't just like accept me and not everyone else. Like you have to like accept a good with the bad and you can't make ultimatums because apparently I guess Dina made an ultimatum to Chris, like, you know, I can't, unless you get rid of Jacqueline, I can't like really talk with you or whatever. - Well, every family member needs to learn, you never go against the wife. I mean, we learned that in my family really quick 'cause I come from a big Lebanese family and when that shit went, you know, we had a lot of families should go down and the husband's always gonna choose a wife or he's gonna get a divorce, you know? There's no way you can just say split from your wife for your family. Like he left your asses a long time ago. - Yeah, so like, I don't really know what happened between these siblings but I have to say, I kind of feel like I believe Caroline inside of the story a little bit more. And if it's true, I, you know, I do think that like, Dina needs to grow up a little bit. They probably both, all of them need to grow up. It seems like a very stupid feud. You know, they said, Caroline said, listen, Dina has not been going to family functions for years now. So it's not just that like, that oh, like she wasn't invited to this engagement thing. Like, Dina has been actively not going to things that she's been invited to. So there's more of the story than that. I don't know the situation, but I'm sort of on Caroline's side. - I'm on nobody's side. I'm on nobody's side. - I'm on Franny's side. - All they do is talk about family but no one gets along and the family is a ignore each other. They don't speak to each other. Dina doesn't speak to her sisters. Teresa hates her brother and her sister-in-law. - Well, I loved when Kathy was like, was like, well, you know, you know, this shows about mending family. It's about mending family. I'm like, oh yeah, poor Kathy, you're so deluded. If you think that anything on Bravo is about mending anything, you are sadly mistaken. - Family has been mended. Like what are you even talking about? Melissa, because they still don't even speak to each other. They're just, Melissa's just nice to her on TV because she doesn't want people to be mean to her on Twitter when Teresa's going through a quote unquote, "high time." - Yeah, I'm still waiting for Bravo to trot out like one of these victims of the fraud. Then, you know, that would be interesting to me. - Yeah, exactly. Why don't you cast one of the people that lost their homes because Joe Judas never paid their company back? - Yeah, how about that, jerks. - So the Dina stuff actually gets more interesting because beyond what we were just talking about, though, like the usual family stuff that we've been talking about for Evza, she actually said something that really made the world go crazy at her. And I don't know that she can recover. And I had heard about it before I actually saw the reunion. So I guess-- - Well, what's it? - When she, when they were talking about their kid, how no one even invites her kid anymore. And that's just so rough. And Dambi was like, well, you don't even know Jacqueline's. - Yes. - Jacqueline's son, and she's like, no, I mean, there's, no, I don't know him. There's nothing I could do for him. You know, I'm not a doctor. The only thing I could do is love him and blah, blah, blah, which she doesn't. - In my own way, yeah. - And then she's like, sometimes it's better to love from afar or whatever. So then she says, but it's more, you know, it's more hurtful with my daughter because she knew Chris. She had a relationship with Chris. So she feels dumped. And I feel sorry, I feel worse for the kid who knows what's happening, right? So that's what she's basically said. I feel sorry for the kid who knows what's happening. Well, everyone in the world took it to mean... Jacqueline said doesn't know what's happening 'cause he's autistic. So who cares about his feelings? And I... - I didn't take it that way. - Crazy. I didn't take it that way. - I took it that he's young. - Yeah, he's a kid. He doesn't know me. So losing me doesn't matter to him. - Exactly. - But it hurts my daughter because she lost an uncle. - Yeah, but that being said, when she was saying that stuff, I actually felt like it was very manipulative. It was like, well, you know, like, don't act like that. You know, if you wanted Lexi to have a relationship with her uncle, you would just be the bigger woman and you would bite the bullet and you would allow there to be... Like, there was something about it that rubbed me in a wrong way. It felt a lot passive aggressive, very passive aggressive. I just felt like just to say, well, I reach out and then, and then they don't reach out to Lexi and none of that. It's like, it's fine. You don't have to, you don't have to... My new mom, there's like a drill going on. - I know, always. - It's a jackhammer. I'm telling you, they've been building. They're like turning apart the street to my, whatever. No, but to say, to say, oh, you can do whatever you want to do to me, but don't do it to my kid. It's like, don't play that. Like that's, I found out to be very manipulative. And she forgives a man who cheats on her and screws around all over town because he's got a lot of money in the giant house that she can live in. But when it comes to the rest of her family, it's like, oh, you get in some stupid housewives fight and you never speak again. Now, that said, I can totally imagine wanting to leave any family that Jacqueline's a part of because just looking at how this dumb ho acts on Twitter, you can imagine what being in her family is like and getting in an argument with someone like that. So these are all of Jacqueline's tweets. I don't even, these aren't dated, but these are posted by Michael Cook and they're so funny. And people were talking about their Twitter and I read it last night and I was like, oh, God, this is so hard to read. By the way, what you're hearing in the background is actually the sound that I hear when Jacqueline talks. This is what I hear in my head. It just sounds like a jackhammer going to my school. Why was it she had to reunion? What was that about? Maybe a new old country buffet opened. I didn't like, it took priority. I think she didn't go to the reunion because she doesn't want people asking about her own financial issues that she's about to go to jail for. - Well, Deena, Deena probably also is like, I'm not gonna be there. Hold on one second, I'm gonna just try to adjust this jackhammer situation. Hold on one second, just sing a song, Ronnie. - Adjust that jackhammer. - Maybe they're creating a new crosswalk. Maybe they're creating a diagonal crosswalk. - Crosswalks, am I right, guys? - Hurry up, bam. - Okay, I'm back, I'm back, sorry. I tried to fix the jackhammer situation. I don't know if it really would help or not, but it was actually loud in here. - I don't hear it. - Well, that's good. - Deena, you did it. - We're such a professional podcast, aren't we? - So listen to these Jacqueline tweets. - Yeah. - Deena wouldn't meet with Chris. I tried to get them to meet. I think Deena hurts her parents more by not making amends with family members, and never attending family holidays and making them split their time. That is fucking annoying. When your parents have to go to like two places, 'cause you can't get along with your sisters and brothers. - Yeah, it shouldn't work that way. It's supposed to be the other way around. Your parents supposed to be divorced and you just have like two holidays, but their parents, not your parents, have to go to places. - Yeah. Lexi is old enough to drive over and talk to her uncle. If she wanted to her was allowed, Nick understands more than he can say or express. Maybe Deena wasn't invited to Lauren's engagement party because she told us we were dead to her and that she was dead to us. She got what she wanted. Instead of lying to the public that our family was fine, how about sincerely trying to resolve our issues? Parents would like that more. Seems Deena intentionally left out. We invited Lexi to dinner to celebrate her graduation since they didn't want to meet beforehand. - No response. - And then the last text is the best. - I have no words. - Sam's mother fucking win, Jacqueline. - I fucking hate Jacqueline. You know, the thing is I actually feel like I actually believe what she's saying, but she's so, again, wine and pasta aggressive. People are always wondering how she could like produce such an awful daughter and Ashley. It's just, it's right there. All the evidence is right there. I think that Jacqueline is very immature and that's not, this is not the way to handle it. Like don't, if you have a situation like this, don't like trot it out on Twitter. Be the better person and just, it's just none of these people, they're incapable. So what my favorite tweet of hers, Cindy C posted on our page. This is what Jacqueline wrote at some point yesterday. Jacqueline says, "Listen, if you all want this Twitter feud "to end, then don't keep tweeting us about it "because you are a reopening wound "and it's hard for us not to respond." Like, it's not our fault that you're an idiot, okay? If you don't wanna be a Twitter feud and you don't want people to tweet at you, then just shut down your Twitter. - People mention everything on Twitter. They can mention your blouse on Twitter. You don't sit there and like accuse somebody else of making you wear it for five hours. In that case, the best was Kathy going, "What is this? "Why don't you all just get off the Twitter?" I mean, what is it, "Quata?" It's "Quata?" - Yeah, Rosie. Yeah, Rosie. - Yeah, Rosie. - What did I say? - You said Kathy. 'Cause Rosie, Rosie, I love Rosie. She's like, "You know what you gotta do to Twitter? "You gotta go up to it and punch in the face. "You know like an assassin." (laughing) Like a silent assassin. - Shoot at what you're fished. - You know what I says? But you know what, okay, so speaking of Kathy, by the way, one thing I wanna talk about is when they showed the clip of Kathy and her family talking about the Teresa situation and Teresa's aunt says, "You know like, "when you do the wrong thing, it's gonna catch up to you "and you're gonna go to jail." And then Teresa walks out. - Well, she didn't even go that far. All she said was that you do the wrong thing it catches up to you. That's it. So Teresa stands up. She's like, "I wanna go to the bathroom. "I gotta go bathroom." I'm like, "Oh, a penny." So that really drove me crazy because to me that was classic Teresa. That was the lack of accountability, lack of responsibility. You can't plead guilty to a crime and then get mad when someone says if you do the wrong thing, which is what pleading guilty acknowledges. If you do the wrong thing, it's gonna catch up to you. She should have said, Teresa should have said, "You know what, she's right." But instead she makes it, again, playing this victim thing. Like family shouldn't say that. No, you shouldn't beat the frauding people. - Yeah, I'm like, how could she? How could anybody say that, blah, blah, blah. You are wrong. You are asked backwards. Wrong. Everybody knows you're wrong. You are going to jail. - You don't get special rights. Like it's like, oh, you did something. You defrauded people. And now all of a sudden it's bad. All of a sudden you're lovely aunt who's been lovely all of every season. Every time she shows up, she's like the most lovely woman in the history of this series. And every time, and she's the one who's the bad guy because she mentions that like, you know, if you do something wrong, it's gonna catch up to you. - Yeah, it's called karma bitch or do one to others if you'd rather get biblical about it. - You know what, it just shows, it's like a spoiled little brat, you know? Like throwing it, it's like Melania. This is where Melania gets it from, you know? Like you're in trouble, you're caught. And what do you do? - Sentrum. - Well, part of me feels-- - Sent salad on. - It feels like giving her kind of a break only 'cause she had just been sentenced. But then I just start laughing because Teresa's trying so hard to reject this new, you know, that's the old Teresa. That's the old Teresa. Watching her neck bangs pop while all this was happening and her about to fucking go crazy and start hitting people. 'Cause she just hates Kathy with every bit of her. And this whole season was a cluster of fuck because of how they did it. They really did tell people, your family members are gone and then tricked them by bringing them suddenly back in. You know, like the Kathy, Jacqueline. So she was kind of tricked. So part of me felt bad, but then I was dying when she went to the bathroom and her mic was on. And she was like, I can't be in there. What, you got gum? You got a candy? You got a gum? You got a candy? You got candy? You got gum? I was like, oh my God, who is this poor PA stuck in the bathroom with fucking Teresa? - I know. - About to get their ass kicked 'cause she sounded like she was gonna beat them up. And she's not, I guess she thought they turned off her mic. But, and thank God she wasn't going like too crazy back there. But she was being a total bitch to whoever she was, whoever she was a bit. And it was funny because she's such a faker and she doesn't think anybody can hear her being real back there. She's like, what? Ah, that's ridiculous. I ain't going out there. You tell them to get out and then I'll come back. But I'm not going, you got gum? You got candy? Ooh, a penny. Look, see a penny taken out? No, I'm not going out. Oh my God, this is literally a dumb bitch. And then I love how crafty Andy is, so she comes back and is like, well, we were just talking about this. I just want to know what you're feeling. She's like, I don't want to talk about it. He's like, no, no, no, we just want to talk, we just want to see how you feel about it. She's like, I don't want to talk about it. And he's like, no, but just, you know, you know, did you feel anything? And then she starts to talk about it, you know? That's what I love. He sort of like tricks them into saying it. And he's like, next topic, shut up. - Yeah, another thing that made me feel bad during this part was crosswalks. Just kidding. - The other part that made me feel bad was Cathy. Okay, Cathy. Look, people on our page call Cathy out for being a shits during whatever. And I agree, but you got to feel for somebody who is trying so hard. Here she is getting a second chance. She's coming back. She's as positive as she can be during the season. Really, I mean, she didn't get to film any drama anyway. But then she comes back, all she's trying to do is just say one thing on the reunion. Teresa walks off, ignores her, like does whatever she can to ruin. Cathy is like two seconds on the reunion. And Cathy's about to cry. And I don't really think Cathy, it's obviously not crying about Teresa 'cause she hates Teresa, like let's face it. She's crying because it's like, poor thing just cannot win. She's always gonna have that roadblock in her way, you know? - Yeah. Well, you know, here's why I love, you know, I've always loved Cathy. And you know, here's why Cathy is more or less of a class act, at least compared to these women. As sort of more of it as the sounds, it came to light that her daughter, Victoria, her brain tumor came back, which is awful. And they said she said everything's okay and everything, which is great. You know, she's this really sweet girl and that's awful. You don't want that. She's too young. But Cathy could have used that as a trump card for every single thing that was happening on that reunion. Like, anything that Amber said about the cancer, it's like Cathy's like, "Well, my daughter has brain cancer." Anything that like, it was about like, about Nicholas, "Well, my daughter has brain cancer." Like, anything about family, "Well, my daughter has brain cancer. I know the value of family." Like, every single thing, she could have just shut everything down. But you know what though? She didn't because she's a classy lady. Yeah, I mean, the brain cancer thing was like one segment and then it was mentioned a couple of times. It's not like the cancer, the cancer, the cancer, the cancer, the cancer, the cancer. Oh, God. We haven't even talked about Amber and the twins. Yeah, I was going to say, speaking of cancer, let's talk about those twins. Like two little melanomas. They sat there with these looks on their faces the entire time rolling their eyes ready to go. Yeah, Betty, any chance that they could, any chance they could jump in and be like, "Well, you said something about my mother." Yeah, it's like, "Oh, everyone's worried about family. What about my family? What about my old mother?" "Hey, who got made fun of them? They'll not come up with family. That's what I disagree. They come up to old family members on Twitter all the time." And they couldn't, no one would play into it. No Amberwood, of course, because Amber's in the same boat as they are. But everyone else just looks at them like they're fucking retarded and they don't get a chance. And I was dying that they kept trying to start this war about the mother and this and that and nobody would play into it. I know. I love it. I mean, that's real housewives hate. You know, like most of the housewives hate is like fun hate and they probably go to dinner after and have a good time because they're giving each other screen time, you know? It's like, "Yeah, I embarrassed you, but I also got you 10 minutes of solid screen time." So they kind of like each other. But when you really hate a bitch, you just ignore her because those girls don't get any screen time at all. And I was dying the whole time because they just look horrible. They look so stupid. And then when they're like, "Oh, but we're twins and we're different people." So why don't you treat us like we're different people instead of just one person. You have a brain, you are smart. Oh god. You want to be treated like the same, like different people. Why are you in every scene together? Dressing the same, getting the same tits. Shut up both of you, shut up. Get off the show. I know. I know. I agree. They're just two of the worst casting decisions that Bravo has ever made in the history of the network. But I heard that they're all coming back. That's crazy. How could that be? How can that be true? I guess it is. What else? Mel, Melissa versus Dina. That was interesting. Dina, social media, tree walks off. Ooh, a penny. Oh, a penny. And I guess that's it, right? What else happened? Um, Joe Gore got came out at the end and got choked up. Okay. He got you. This is my family. What are you going to do? So, so what? Yeah. What are you doing right now? You're awfully quiet over there. Oh, I'm listening. I'm listening to you. I'm looking at the internet. No, that's not true. You were looking at the internet. I was trying to see if there was, I was looking on the Facebook page to see if you see guys, I know, I know what's happening. But I was listening to you too. You were having a twin rant. I liked it. No. That's over. Either way, I'm excited for next, well, for Thursday, Thursday's episode when Andy says to Jim Marchese like, well, you are kind of a disaster on social media. Oh, God, Jim's coming up next week. Yikes. Yeah, that's going to be terrible. Well, let's move on from the real housewives of New Jersey. Because I am sick of their shit. I agree. I am, I am ready to put the season to bed and then to put that bed, shut up mountain volcano. It's about the season, like a quarter of the link. Why are the reunions the length of the entire season? That's so sad. Because this season is so bad. I would love to get the behind the scenes story on what their decisions were. I mean, they clearly had to just like truncate the whole thing. I do have to give Andy credit for one thing because I know I just Andy a lot on the show, so whenever he does something I love, it's really important for me to stand up and say it. And I think that when Andy called Melissa, the queen of dumpsters, what did he call her? Oh, yeah. I don't remember what he called it. It's like the queen of, queen of sanitation, he called her. Oh, and then he's like, so you're the new queen of sanitation. She looked like she was going to punch him when he said that. And then he's like, so explain to us what's happening with your house. Okay, Melissa is the worst liar. So last year, they said they sold their mansion. Now they're in this huge rental. He really gave it to Melissa, actually, now that I think about it. Yeah. So they go into this rental and he's like, Oh, Twitter's mad that your daughter was calling it a dump. And it's like five times the size of a normal house. And she's like, Oh, it's a child of privilege. And she didn't. Yeah. And then he asked her about the sanitation thing in her house because they said they sold their house and now they're building this new mansion. But they didn't. They rented it. Yeah. And the guy they rented it to never paid the rent. So they had to evict him. So instead of saying that and just clearing it up, because she's already lied about it before, she said, Oh, well, it was an extended close. And so he was supposed to do certain things during that time that he didn't. It was just stupid. And Dean is over there rolling her eyes, which I love. But even, you know, this season was so stupid that even stupid Melissa didn't get taken down. I mean, if this was last year, Teresa would have been calling all that shit like the whole time, you know, it would have been entertaining. But Melissa did nothing this season. You know, what I liked also in this reunion was when they did the segment of like strange, like housewives talk when they're all were saying things incorrectly or making up their own words. And you know, normally when they do those segments, they sort of do like a picture in picture. They put like a little you see the white housewives watching it at the reunion in the corner. And normally they're like, hysterically laughing, but you could see that they're all like looking like, wait, why is this funny? Like, what did we say wrong? They're totally like dumbfounded as to why they're smiling because they know they're supposed to this is like light hard segment, but they have no idea what what's wrong. I don't understand what massive jokes they are. I love it. Yeah, I love it too. That show needs to go so excited for Beverly Hills and Atlanta. That's going to be amazing. Amazing. Amazing, amazing. Well, speaking Beverly Hills, let's let's be in Beverly Hills, Lisa Vanda Pump. Why don't we talk about Vanda Pump rules? Does it ever? Oh, it's so good. By the way, Ronnie, I went to pump last night, finally. What do you think being? Well, I thought it was just like another version. I'm sorry, I just knocked my keys over. I thought it was another version of Sir. And you know, I mean, I know we have a background of Sir, right? Yeah, I know we've talked about it a lot. Like you always talk about how it's like for like basically old queens who think they're fancy, which I agree with. I think it's like prettier than Sir, but it still has that like Euro trash quality to it. Giant, giant things, like giant planters, doorways and yeah, giant planters. I was trying to order a drink last night from the bar. Keep in mind they're like three people at the bar took me 10 minutes to get a drink from this bartender. And like one of the reasons that there was a problem is that he couldn't see me because in each corner of this square bar, there is a huge planter with an even bigger topiary and imagine cheers, imagine a beer that's the shape of cheers. And in each corner, there's like a giant planter. Like that's just, first of all, have you noticed how the bar hits the back corners? Yeah, it's like, it's like, it doesn't make sense because it actually, you need, you shouldn't have giant things on the bar because you need to be able to see the bartender. The bartender needs to be able to see you. And that's like valuable round the bar. Like the bar hit the back walls in a way that it's, you can't walk through there. And when you're totally slammed with people, only like two people are standing in the middle of the bar can be served. Yeah, it's a frustrating, it's a frustrating setup. I'll just show off your weird giant potters. So yeah, so the thing that, the thing that sort of irks me about the place is that when Lisa Vanderpump says on Vanderpump rules, well, you know, Vina Blanca is like, well, you take your wife and sir, as we take your girlfriend. And then she's like, and pump is where you take your boyfriend. There's nothing about pump that's like exceptionally like, oh, this is where you take your boyfriend like when you open up a restaurant of a place called pump, I expect go-go dancers. I expect platforms. I expect fog machines. I expect you're so right. It means to be like the abbey. They needed to do like, because you know, the abbey was taken over by SBE, right? SBE, right? Yeah. So that's been gone for a while. So now it's more straight people there. And, I don't know, it's still the best because it's outside and stuff. But they should have made it like the abbey old school, like the independent abbey. We're not owned by like some big awful corporation. We're just another fun car. We're what the abbey used to be basically. Yeah. Have the hottest dancers, have a beautiful outside area. But this is like a smoothie-tootie restaurant. And no one wants to sit on that corner at a restaurant. That's why it's all straight people in there. And then like old queens in the suits. It's, you know, it's like the taste level, it sort of has like the tacky taste level of like, sort of like an old queen, you know? So it's sort of gay in that sense. But the rest, it just sort of has that like sort of Euro trash kind of feel to it. It's a place, again, it's just an extension of sir. It doesn't need to be a restaurant. But it is prettier. It is pretty. Like the trees, it's like the lighting is very nice. It's like, it's cute, but it should have been pretty. Yeah. But why would you call it? Like, you just can't call something pump and then have it be like a delicate space with trees and hangouts. A restaurant. And then to advertise on television, in your TV show, that's basically you're doing so that people will come to your restaurant, right? And it works, of course. Then you go on there and not only admit but brag that your chef is chef Penny from the Food Network. I know. Oh my God. Chef Penny, the big one of the biggest fishes that that that show has ever seen. And one of the biggest idiots. I mean, her, her whole thing on the Food Network Star was to be sexy. Do you remember that? Oh my God. Yes, but you'd like to have a man chef. And so she was like being a total whore about it. She's like, today we're making Swedish meat. Bose, yeah. Like the least sexy woman that has ever graced that poor show. She's like, I've just really, really unsexy. Like really, and truly unsexy. And then all that food she's pitching to Lisa, she's like, what about salmon carpaccio? And Lisa's like, that is so sexy. Oh, yeah. Really not. Yeah. Like, why don't you pick everything from the 80s? It's like, how about mozzarella and tomato and we'll stack it up. Oh, that sounds amazing. Yeah, shoot. There were like a few things. I wish I could remember what they were, but I had that same. Yeah, meatball. I was like, why is that sexy? That there's nothing sexy. And like eggs. And here's the thing. I, you know what? Here's something I hate for an angle on a restaurant. Sexy. Like, it's the stupidest angle on food. And you know, the food network star, they do get people on there every time they're like, this is food for like, you know, you want to cook for your day, or this is sexy food. There's one. Damaris was like that. And she actually won. And she was a double. She was a double. She was sexy. And it was a dating thing. And the show was like, I'm on the hip. You could send them for your girlfriend. And she would, and they're like, please stop shimming, Damaris. How I feel so stupid. I actually didn't hate Damaris, but the thing is, the thing is though, like sexy food is like, I feel like that's also like a very dated approach. And it's always going to be cheesy. And that's why, again, why pump fails and why surf fails because it tries to be sexy. And the music in there that they play, it's like, you know, when you go on to a restaurant website and it's like, it's always flash and really annoying. And it's like, annoying, like, weird European take on like, Argentinian music comes up. You hear like an accordion and like a, like a boss Nova beat. But it's like very cool. That's the music. The music at pump is basically flash website music. Oh, no, no, no. What's happening to her? I think she did. It's gonna be a success. I think she did a really good thing with sir. I think, sir, that whole outdoor areas really nice. You can have drink. I mean, it's a restaurant, but you can also just go there for drinks and not feel weird about it. Like it, sir. Yeah, I mean, like it pump. But pump is pretty, but she doesn't, she needs to be like, she needs to get a punctuate person. And someone to just come in and be like, make it a gay bar, fuck this like terrible food and snotty people sitting around in a linen suit. This is not going to work. Okay. No, you're at the corner of Robertson and Santa Monica. Okay, you need strip. Yeah, you already have certain, it's like the exact same restaurant as sir. Like that's the way it feels like you don't, it needs strippers. Thank you. Just that just that that's that spot is doomed. Anyway, that corner is doomed. It's never been anything good. It was a coffee shop called Java detour. And it's where like the sober gays went. Yeah. And I was like, that's nice that there's a coffee, because you know, like there's a lot of attics and stuff who are trying to reform and stuff. And I think that that's great. And it's really mature to see that in the gay community. Because you know, once you start down that crystal meth road, you never come back, but you're putting it in between bars on the busiest bar corner. Like, that is not going to work. Nobody's going to set in the coffee shop. Well, the funny thing is that here they're trying to have this like cool vibe. Next door is mother load this bar and Tuesday nights are manhole, it's like manhole night or something. It's called manhole. So they're trying to have this sexy vibe. And you hear over this in this vibe, because it's like, why are you trying to do this vibrant next to manhole manhole? This is that can't work. I love gay names for shit. Like there's no subtlety at all. She's like, manhole, the dick. Yeah. Well, that's why pump the bar. That's why pump should be like a nasty old place. Yeah. I mean, even if it's new, just remove some of that goofy shit, put some naked guys on top of the bar, have gigantic martinis, and you're done. What else do you need? Yeah, exactly. Why is it so hard, people? It's not hard. My only recommendation is don't get a staff like sir, because as we saw on this season premiere, they're still as dysfunctional and awful as ever. Yeah, they really are. And that show is so funny. I mean, this show has such amazing quotes throughout the whole thing. Instafight, like an Instagram fight. Come on. Yeah. Well, once again, our season kicked off with yet another cheating scandal. Like every season is an accusation of cheating. And you know, it's going to be going to go seven or eight episodes of Tom being like, no, I didn't, I didn't sleep with her. Like, I'm very up front with Ariana. Like, we're very open. Like, I didn't sleep with her. I didn't, oh, I didn't do it. Why are you trying to tear tears down, Kristen? Why are you doing that, Kristen? And then like on episode eight, like, fine, I slept with her. I just didn't want to say it. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I thought I had just like, I just wanted to go away. I'm sorry. Now you've ruined everything. You know, that's what's going to happen. Because every seat, it happens every single season. Yeah. So supposedly he cheated on her. And then the story he told her was, well, we didn't want to just show up with that girl. So we got a bunch of girls to ride in with us. But then he did have a picture of himself sleeping later with his iPad and bed. That was the funniest picture ever. By the way, I love the way the producers just shame these cast members by posting as many embarrassing photos of them from Instagram or their past as possible. They keep coming back to that $500 a week or whatever. So this started off with Jackson having a new girlfriend. Oh, you mean girlfriends? Well, we only saw one. Yeah. She looked like right now he's only got one for all week. Yeah. Yeah. She's previously seen in the movie, Chicken Run. And the belief she was one of the chickens that was concerned about the plane that they built. Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. 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And it's like, you just fuck your best friend's girlfriend. Do you feel bad at all? And he's like, no, I don't understand. I mean, I ask people, why don't I feel anything? Because you're a sociopath, okay? I don't feel anything. That's not good. That's not something you should be admitting in public, cat killer. So the series like, oh, now I'm a totally different person, which, you know, you can't just get, you just can't stop being a sociopath. So yeah, it's like we found a watch. Well, you know, the reunion was reunion aired probably what, February or so, maybe March, somewhere around there. They probably started filming this in like April, considering that pump opened over gay pride, which is June. So essentially, he's had like maybe six weeks, eight weeks of personal growth, where he's suddenly become a different person. I don't, I don't buy it. He does look totally different though. Yeah, I mean, he definitely looks older and wiser. I'm not sure what that is. We've already talked about this, so I don't want to go too far into it. I'm guessing fillers, but yeah, there is something definitely weird. You know, I think I saw Jackson Halloween, by the way. I don't know this is even significant, but I think I saw him and he was dressed as Clark Kent doing one of those costumes, Clark Kent with Superman. I could be wrong. I'm going to look right now to see what Jackson Halloween costume was, but I think I saw him on the street. I mean, look, he's still, as much as we like rag on him for looking older or, you know, I thought he looked fat in reviews, but he's still hot. I mean, we hold him to a different standard. We hold him to a model standard. Of course, it's like those, it's like those cleans who make fun of fashion models and stuff. I don't know. I just don't want to be that gay. You know, have you seen that clip, the Disgusting with Drew Drogi? I did. I did watch it. Oh my gosh. Don't let that be me. I think it probably already is, but please don't let it be me. I'll change. I'll change. Jackson's so nice. He's going to change. Everything's going to be great, guys. Yeah, he will be wonderful. I'm trying to find this Halloween costume. I don't know if I can find it. Okay. So, Sheena pulls Tom aside. Oh, so this is Sheena's party. Okay, so now everybody's heard this rumor. Wait, where are my notes? I'm missing the first part of these. I don't know. Well, what's the most important thing with Sheena before you get it to say on my notes, I put Jackson, Jackson is a new person now being fat, makes you nicer. LOL. Oh, that's not nice. I don't know why I had to read that out loud. Okay, go ahead. Sorry. No, I was going to say that Sheena's big thing is that she got a tattoo on her forearm. She's like, I got a tattoo. It's like, it's like my favorite quote from Almost Famous. So, it says, it's all happening because, you know, it's all happening. She needed to just ride on their Almost Famous because that would have actually been like, that would have been not only a tattoo, but legal or just or just almost because I feel like that's what her life is almost. It's all happening. And then the whole rest of the episode, she like put her hand over here and you just see it's all happening. The stupidest quote, not profound. Oh, Sheena. Oh, you know, it's going to be a bumpy season when one of the first scenes is horse facing a thong. Yikes. Oh, no, seriously, seriously, I need to see that seriously. And I liked it. She said it starts by her talking about dating that young twink bartender. And then she said, happy looks good on me. It looks like she's been crying because it did. It looks like she's been, she's all puppy and sad. And she's like, happy looks good on me. Oh, my God. By the way, pause, jacks. I did see jacks because I'm looking at his photos right now and he's Clark Kent. I saw him. He walked by me while I was trying to get a lift. You should have touched his bite. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, he, he does a Clark Kent seat very well. Anyway, so I just totally interrupted. No, it's okay. I'm just reading from my notes. I wrote seriously, sorry, I don't believe in each other. They're like, we believe that we can do anything. And I'm like, yeah, but you're still bartenders. So I don't know. I thought, like, what are you guys believing in? Like, who's? He does skills, baby. Yeah, thanks to the support, babe. She's like, yeah, I got whatever else. Like I said, something about getting starship lyrics on his forearm, but I couldn't remember the lyrics, because we can. I hope it's at the lack of talent and bills and stunning powers because we have to make mojitos all night. And Kristen, my crazy ex and her new boyfriend is good. Last year, but this Adriana Adriana, she doesn't look like her, but she has the exact same facial movements as Amy Adams. I've already said that the way she smiles and squints her eyes. It's creepy. It's like Amy Adams playing a digital version of like how they do it in Lord of the Rings, where they just put shit on their faces. So you can see their facial expressions, except now they're a monkey. Yes. Digital acting. Yeah. You guys, I'm going to be a digital actor. Okay. I already have Amy Adams face grafted onto my face. It's all happening. I'm not going to be a podcast or anymore. Now I'm going to be a digital actor. Seriously, Tom? Seriously? You think you're so cool? Because like your girlfriend has Amy Adams face grafted onto her like seriously? I get Sigourney Weaver onto my face like seriously. Speaking of, I just saw her for the first time. Have you ever seen that movie? Oh, I thought you meant Sigourney Weaver. No, I love her though, too. I love her. I once was on an airplane with her and I felt like it was the most magical experience in my life. I was like, she's so classy because I was like, I was sort of near the front of coach. So I could see into like business class and I could see Sigourney Weaver and I was like, she's so classy up there. Like she like took her sweater off and then like wrapped it around her one point. I was like, Oh, is there anything she can't do? And then I got on tattoo that said it's all happening. It's all happening. Sigourney is taking off his sweater. She's folding it down. It's going under the seat. I was like, seriously, Sigourney, Sigourney. I loved also at the beginning of this episode that Katie is trying to be the new Stossy. No, Katie, I'm sorry. You crock-eyed horse face number two. I know. You are not the new Stoss. Okay, sit back down. I know it's too hard. She's like, I'm working the squirrel right now. Sheena. Well, but I like this that when Sheena was like, you know, and I come to my birthday party. It's going to make me sound like a lot of good tequila. And Katie's like, you know, I'm really sick of this like tequila Katie reputation and like to invite me to her party. And then she insults me in the same sentence. It's just like so rude. I'm like, I think she was just talking that they have a good tequila selection. That's all. Yeah. I think she said they don't have tequila. Oh, maybe that's what yeah, I think she was like, I don't know if you want to come in like hiding. They don't have tequila. It's all happening. It's all happening in my birthday. My birthday is that I'm going to be at the Chuck E. Cheese and Azusa. Where you come? I'm getting the key to Azusa from the mayor. And I'll pronounce the Chuck E. Cheese, but that's all. It only opens the Chuck E. It only happens the Chuck E. Cheese and the big lots and the scrunchie story. And the Claire's boutique. That's all. It opens up the it opens up the elephant bar. And that's it. It's all happening. Um, I'm a horrible person when we talk. I'm even worse when I write things down because I broke Katie's new hair makes her look fat. That is not nice. I like her new hair. Wait, I like her. That's true. It was a it was a nice improvement over her strange like, well, it wasn't orange here. So that's it. That's it was like, that's just like an orange Julius disaster. Yeah. Last year was like an iron dot Ronald McDonald's. She's like, I'm getting the key to Azusa now, too. So Lisa finally shows up and I love that Lisa is just a bitch to everybody. I think it's so funny. But she does it with such a laugh. And that's why I always love her, because when she's telling Jack's, um, enjoy your job here, darling, because you can't work. It's a pump. You look like an old grandpa over there. Oh my God. Oh, poor thing. He's already getting a nice job. What the hell do you want from him, Lisa? He's going to start cutting up his whole face soon. I'm glad I do. I'm glad he's getting in those jobs, only because I have noticed that he's super nasally and I would like to complain. Guess what? He's going to fuck up his new nasal passage too, unless they make it out of rubber or something that you can easily clean cocaine out of. But luckily, yes, syphilis probably. So I'm sure the nose will fall off anytime. Anyway, he's like, Bob, that can breathe again. My whole plan was my whole plan was to get syphilis away. My nose will fall off. Yeah. Is that what happens to syphilis or not? At least syphilis is good for something. I think that's leprosy. Oh, I thought I thought syphilis did something to your nose. I'm going to look it up. Leprosy is that thing in the Bible that people would get in their limb fall off and check. I know I'm really sorry. I keep interrupting you. I keep on doing internet searches and then then I get learning and then I get excited and I go by the way as if like this is really important, but I typed in s y p h and then syphilis came up and then the next thing was syphilis nose. No way. Do it. Do it. Do it. All right. I'm not going to do it. I'll tell you one thing. I'm not going to do an image search. Oh, my God. Don't do that. Oh, so you get a saddle nose deformation. So there's that. What is that? It does something to your nose. I think it it does something. I mean, I think you make makes your nose boldness, actually. Oh, my God, between syphilis and cocaine, that guy doesn't stand a chance. God bless him. That's actually why his nose is fairly intact, because the syphilis is trying to grow it and the cocaine is trying to avoid it. One thing I'm loving about this young cast is they're younger, but they're still doing all the things that the older people do, like the Botox and the lifts and the weird weird things to their faces, but they're not really old enough to be doing it yet. And I cannot wait to see what Jack's looks like in five years, because you know, it's going to be crazy. Oh, you know, his eyebrows are going to be like, like up like at the top of his head. Yeah, he's going to have like some Mickey work action going on. Oh, he definitely will. So I love when he was talking about how their friend, him and Tom, Tom are friends again. And he's like, well, it took me a while to realize what remorse was. What? He literally didn't even know what it was. He's like, I did Tom a favor. Well, he's like, for the longest time, I thought remorse was just like that language that people use to communicate during wars. Lisa, Matt, it's sassy. Well, I love it's like, I was like, oh, underwear's sassy. Then she comes driving up and it's like, well, I moved to New York, but then as soon as I got there, my boyfriend, six months later, had to move back to LA. It's like, fine. I'm like, yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what happens. More like you got a call from Bravo saying we're going to give you $1,300 for you to be on the show for 13 weeks. Yeah, I can't pass that out. That's like a hot dog in New York. By the way, can we talk about Kristen's new boyfriend? Is it too early? Are you? I don't want to like jump ahead in your notes. No, no, I mean, this show so silly. The notes are literally like, Kristen rumor about social media. Tom, on a proof, girl was on period. Gossip beep, gay guy, L.O.L. Shay cries. Oh, Lord, Kristen asked herself questions. Oh, Kristen asking herself questions. Do you want them to be together? No. Do I character together? Yes. Seriously? Yes. Seriously? No. Seriously? Seriously. So, yes, let's talk about the new fagito burrito that has wormed his way into the forest. So, this guy is, I forget what his name is. Name Jamie or something. His name should be Jamie. So, he, what's hilarious is he's like, yeah, you know, like in England, like I'm a DJ, and like I'm really big. I tore open fold, and this person, this person, they show photos of him. Dead mouse. Dead mouse. And he knows Moby Dick. Yeah. And Ching Chong. And you know, the iPod fallacy, and you know, the keychain conspiracy. I was the first person of one of my friends. I was the first person of all of my friends to have the iPhone 5. Yeah, I actually got it. I got it directly from Steve Jobs himself. Like he, he gave it to me. Like, so I love he's like sitting on this stuff. I'm like, all right, so you tour with all these acts, and you're a bus boy. Yeah. Bring me some more water, and then tell me about Steve Jobs. That would be great. Yeah, that'd be really wonderful. When did people stop serving bread with dinner? When did that happen? Is that an LA thing, bus boy? Okay. Remedy that. Okay. And then we'll talk about your Steve Jobs story. I know. It was so, I couldn't, it was so douchey. And then when Tom told the story about how Tom is always like getting him drinks and stuff, and then he has all his money to buy a BMW, and then he had the BMW selfies. I was like, oh my god. My god. It was so awful. Like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's one of those things where I always say, there's like a carousel of awfulness. You're like, Oh, wait, no, this person's the worst person of the episode. The only way to know this person, then I said the BMW selfies. And I was like, Oh, he is the worst. Okay. First of all, obviously he's just using horseface, right? And she's just using him too. So it's fair. And I'm not going to stick up. Seriously. She's horseface. So yeah, obviously they're using each other. They deserve each other, whatever. But then to be getting involved in all the bullshit is gross. Like when he's saying, Oh, well, Tom, you know, look at what Tom's doing. No one's stopping Tom. Do you think Tom cares? What do you think Tom's thinking about this? What do you think Tom's thinking about that? Oh, you think Tom gives a shit? You know, Tom's fucking everyone ever. Tom, fuck that girl. Oh my god. I'm like, why are you. Exactly. Meanwhile, you know, he's like cheating on Kristen, left and right with dudes. He's probably got fingers up his butt half the night, sir, probably fingers up his butt half that night. It's all happening. The best part of the episode, well, there were a lot of best parts, but my favorite part was Tom not even punching the British guy, but just grabbing his face and pushing it down. I know I was like team Tom. Like he did what America wants. He spoke for America with that without weird shove. Yeah, that guy is disgusting. And I love that they showed all of his beamer selfies. And Tom's like, why don't you go take a beamer selfie? And he's like, why don't you go take a Honda Civic from 1994 selfie Tom? He's like, you just want to be 22 again. Well, I'm 22. And I have it all. Oh my god. It was so insufferable. Like he just like young British awful Stasi. Oh, you're not going to be 22 for long. And we'll be here waiting, waiting for it all to fall. Yes. You can always count on us British jerk. You want to see your future? It's Jack's Taylor. Oh, but without working out, I mean, could you imagine? Yeah. He looks like the guy. He looks like Captain America before he got injected with all that stuff to be strong. It looks like the little wisp version of it. You're too scrawny to be in the army, boy. And I just want to serve. I just want to serve officer. I yeah, he was he's terrible. What else happened on the episode? So where it's done? It's over. We talked about all of it. So basically, so Stasi is you know what? So Stasi was acting like the girl who goes off to college and then comes back to high school. Like it's like you guys are giving a high school. Yeah. Like, oh my god, like you guys, it's like, oh, you guys just fight like I've been in New York. I have a boyfriend now. I'm like, whatever, Stasi, you are less subway. You are licking it all up, Stasi. You were you were all about it. Yeah, Stasi is way too big for her little breeches. Like, I live in New York. So I know a lot about the financial industry now. Shut up, Stasi. Stasi's still stupid. And I love that she's back on the show, but not working at sir. I think that's hilarious. She's like, I'll just be here. I'll just be here to party and like bring everybody down. And then they started that Instagram war when both parties were going on at the same time. And Stasi's like, you know, our party's more fun. I mean, first of all, all our friends like each other and second of all, did you see what Tom was wearing at that party on Instagram? I'm like, Oh, did you see the top fucking that girl is done? And then they spent the rest of the time just talking about the other party. I think that makes you the sadder one, Stan. Yeah, I think so. I think so. My theory is that Stasi is going to come back into the surf fold, but I feel like she's going to be a manager, which will create, you know, okay. Oh my God. Because she would not go back to be a waitress, or at least that's not how the producers would would have it. I think it makes sense if she comes back as a manager, and then she goes on a power trip. Other favorite line from the show when Sheena, I love that Sheena is making everything about herself all the time. Yes. Oh, yes. Like it's her boyfriend who is cheating or something. And she's like, Tom, I need to talk to you. Tom starts like trying to cry. She's like, I can't cry because these eyelashes are made up of me. What? Or how about like when or how about just when she hears about that there's like when when Kristen tells her about the allegations and shows her text messages and then she she starts to cry. I'm like, what? Why are you crying? It's all happening. I love you guys. I love both of you. Wow. And she's like, she's like, I know it's like, I have an obligation as Ariana's best friend to report this stuff to her. Like, no, she is not the IRS. You don't have to like file a report on your gossip earnings. You can just be quiet and shut it down and just not say anything. Well, we know that Tom and Ariana worked out because they showed up to Katie's nail thing together. Her nail. Yeah, we missed them. Let's do that. Whatever. We could just go to the ball. We saw plenty of other waiters. Yeah. What else? Let's move on. Yeah, let. Okay. Well, let me move on. Sorry. That wasn't very nice. Do you have anything more with Vanderpump's? No, with the Vanderpump rules. I say, why don't we move on to Bravo's ultimate tests of accent mockery? Oh, my God. You're also Hollywood. Well, we should be ashamed of ourselves because we knew the show was coming. We watched the preview of the show and neither one of us went on YouTube to take accent classes. But that's the fun of it. If we actually sounded like them, there are so many accents. I don't even know what to do on this show. My eyes were just spinning. Well, I think I can do funny. She's like, I'm funny. I'm from Austria and I have a song, but I had sex with other people. I love my husband and my manager. I'm funny. Everything that most I want to have sex with, you know, I'm sorry. I want to fuck everything and I have paintings. I like paintings. I really like it. I have to sing too. I am funny. This is hippie. This is how I have party now. So that way I have, you know, funny people see funny. Excuse me. It's my party and I would like to make a toast. Thank you. Oh, my God. So we open this with Massimo, the Italian. Yes, Massimo. Who's like the probably most likely gay Italian who is a Renaissance man. He can cook. He can act. He can sing. He can write. He's a poet. He can build homes. He can make cars. He invented the light book. Anything you want. Except say the word put properly. Put, put, put, put, put, put, put. I like to, I love what he does as an American accent. Like, okay, now I am speaking with his Southern accent. Good day, mate. All right. Hello, let's go on the rodeo. Hey, all I'm from the south. If we're making fun of your bad accent, you know you're in trouble. Yeah. Massimo, although he did cook up a meal in this episode and I actually believe that he can cook. So I am not going to ding him for that. That's one thing I trust he is good at. Yeah, he seems like a cute guy. Like he's always trying to sleep super nice. He actually seems very nice. He's probably like a lot. He's one of those people that's like, "Oh, Massimo's so nice. He still has to be in the mood to hang out with him." Yeah. He's like, "How come nobody invites me to all the places that you guys go to in America?" Because you know, he probably like asks a lot of things. He's like, "Oh, could you send me? Can you give me your like, could you like pass my headshot along?" Thank you so much. Oh, yeah, totally. He's one of those. You know, he's one of those improv shows and shit. Yeah, exactly. He's like, "I can do this show, but I have to bring 15 people." And you're like, "Oh, Massimo." I hate people like that. By that, we're doing a live show at the improv on January 25th trying to fill a hundred seats. So, thanks. Let me have, let me have Blyona. Blyona is like Madonna, Madonna of Albania, and she doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't give a fuck about what the fuck would you think. You know what I don't like about Blyona, amongst many things, is that she's the type of person who's like, "I'm a strong woman. I could do everything like a man. Like, don't say I can't do something because I can do it." And then it's like, and then as she runs out of gas, she's like, "Will you fill up this gas? I mean, you're a man. You should be able to do this. I'm just a woman." Like, no, you can't do that, Blyona. Blyona blemly. That's all that. She makes the gas station guy. First of all, she's totally redo him. He's like, "Oh, is your cart? Is your gas empty?" She's like, "No, I'm just here to say hi to you." Okay, no, I'm here to say hi to you. It's not about my gas. I'm just at the gas station to say, "Hi." He's like, "Uh, I'm not getting the sarcasm at all." And she's like, "How do you do this? It's new, so you can't do it for me." He's like, "No, I can't leave the store." She's like, "No, you'll do it. You'll do it." Do it right now. Do it right now. Close him out, makes him do it. And then she's like, "You don't know how to work this?" And he's like, "I've never had to use it." And she's like, "You're a man. Figure it out. Get it together. You're a man. What kind of man are you?" Oh, no. I thought she was really funny because she is just such an asshole. oh she is like when she was at the recording studio and uh there's like a sound engineer and she just gives him the keys she's like okay can you just park this out front thank you very much didn't even say thank you like thank you bye she's like i'm parked in the middle of the street because i don't know how to park the car so you go park it for me and then bring me some tea yeah bring me some tea can someone secure this microphone stand it's it's too wobbly for me okay one two three four one two three four me me me me me me me which is literally how she sounded and then she's like oh i don't like this headphone get me different headphone these are from china yeah i want good Albanian i want good Albanian headphone you know it's made of made of rye bread and wires this is made out of the poor people from downtown in albania you know we take their bones and they have the perfect way to listen to things you know you got out of baby's bones and then you put cord on it this is what i want do it i am the star here and albania i'm adona in her and i'll go ahead i'm sorry in albania you see he has a hundred thousand people and a hundred thousand people came to my concert that means i have like control over a hundred thousand people well guess what you probably are saying in the town square that doesn't count as accounts of concert yeah no kidding when your town only has one store of course everybody's gonna go to it it's like here when there was like lines around the block for a dunking donuts because there's only wine i'm looking at biona what's liona liona liona singer star liona rockstar singer star yes she was i love that she was talking about how her father was in the secret service so and she's a princess so she used to just be able to call the government to do whatever she wanted but then the government changed and then they were nothing so i'm wondering how much of her musical career was given to her because of that you know um probably about a hundred percent yeah so now she's in america it's like bitch you better get somebody on the city council or something you better get your dad on the city council well everyone everyone wants to hear an albania and pop star because you really don't want to hear it who doesn't want to hear one two three four you know what else we do in albania that's very popular potatoes potatoes i have a song about potatoes yeah do you think people are going to give up potatoes no they don't love us they love us i will make my way here i will be the first potato superstar i have very famous song called one potato two potatoes three potato whore because i'm a fame whore bliona it's a good song i'm looking for this video that was posted on our timeline oh let's find bliona video so we can play it for the people hold on let me find it too because i'm on her wikipedia page and you know bliona says i'm gonna write a check that says fuck you i want to sing now i'm going to make a song called fuck you i'm famous okay here it is are you not famous no i'm not right oh are you gonna play it yeah so i can hear it too yeah okay play it i'm missing a long because i'm fuck you famous too fuck you famous fuck you i'm famous famous i have a power my hair but uh the i drive a golden legs i don't know how to put gas so i don't know how to read the gasket but like suss i have a big forehead and strange hair because i'm famous so fuck you i'm famous i like to drive around and stuff i listen to things and talk to people did you like it Ben you know i i thought you know i have to say ronnie when i'm listening for new emerging artists my favorite thing is to have them say fuck you i'm famous it really endures me to them it's so it's really relatable i love her i love granted i've only made it 48 seconds in this song but i love her examples of being famous she's like look i'm putting on makeup look i have a towel on my head look i'm at the beach look i'm getting into an uber it's like what the fuck how's any of those making you famous okay and then there's all these magazines that she's been in that of course no one's ever heard of she just does look very pretty i don't doubt that she's famous there is she gonna become famous here oh my god what if she is the next Madonna well i hope that she and fawney have a duet how can fawney i'm fawney and my song is about painting i'm fucking it's called fuck you i'm painting like i literally want to fuck you while i'm painting because i'm fawney very big in japan meanwhile we also have oliander from denmark which one i only handle he's the one with like he's like the blonde one who seems like jewellery guy jewellery guy with like a really good body uh but he's like sort of annoying with everything he does everybody thinks i'm gay because i shave my chest and i shave my balls but that's it okay i don't bleach my asshole at any of this crazy LA stuff everyone thinks i'm gay because i'm having sex with that bus boy at sur but no i'm not i'm straight i'm not gay if you don't swallow and denmark would just call that kuflachian it just means boy on the side but still straight yes they have these in all of the steam rooms yes yes very popular my my most popular my most popular jew jewellery is cockering does not gay though no gay for me uh yeah like that that gay guy's dating a teenager i like him because he like he's rich and he did it all himself he came here with nothing and now look at him so i like him yeah actually i don't really mind him that much i like him and the other guy i like sasha i like sasha working out and they just haven't given up you know yeah i i yeah i'm rich well my favorite thing my favorite thing with sasha is like he's like you know like i'm just trying to make a life for myself so that the way i can bring my family over from Germany i'm like listen this is not like the immigrant experience of like i have a family like in india or in mexico and i'm like trying to earn just enough money so that they can come over here he's like he's like he has tons of money he's like i just want to be able to build up mansions that way when they come over here they're happy i'm like why don't just bring them over now like i'm not saying i made this some damn teenager didn't you see the the video of his wife and well it wasn't on this episode but it was on the preview they showed the video of his wife and kids she's like 20 he ran the hell away and pregnant is some teenager and ran the hell away he's like i'd bring you all the one i have money for a giant mall yeah good luck with that honey he's probably sending her 20 dollars yeah every week's accident she's like oh we have rich and then we also have um the other woman i forget her name who is married to swedish house mafia she seems like about her yet she seems like a bitch on wheels she seems like she does not want to be part of this but she probably is the one who put it all together she's like the biggest main part of them all like the one who doesn't have any talent but likes to put things together well she is the she is the Angelina Jolie of Sweden yeah she's the every country has their pride in Angelina and in our country it's us plian's like i am Angelina Jolie and i am also i'm also Madonna sorry my accents are now getting so messed up it's like very hard to go from accent to accent now i think i'm like doing asian accents now i'm like i am gliana i'm like you kind of give tommy one you're like hello i'm tommy i'm not tommy i'm not tommy i'm not tommy you're like swiss out she can't write steam or browns i'm funny i work at i work at work and run for now you look at inside a cookie or cookie no make sense you eat the paper now my time for toast i like they like fanny has a dinner party and then blyoni gets up and she's like i just want to thank everyone for coming here to this my dinner party but he's like no i think that i should do toast now instead then i was like fine i don't why not please someone you know i'll go somewhere where they want me to have a toast shut up i would i would do video call to downtown albania where everybody will gather to watch me toast i toast all of the albanian right now and they will get on their cell phone and watch well she already hated blyona which was funny but she's like oh maybe you let me toss up my own party and blyona was like what's these bitches problem i am surprised that she fucked with blyona first because from the previous i just figured blyona was going to be the asshole but i love that it was tawny like she's coming up fawny what was her name fawny with an f fawny fawny i can't wait i can't wait to i can't wait to show no i i actually because you know that actually fawny is going to be the biggest bitch of all but it's sort of awesome because she walks around these little dresses she seems so sweet she's like one of those stripper girls who's always like oh honey i know i like that color too have you ever seen bagoonies how this is my favorite movie and then the minute something doesn't go right she's like hey i hate you you never do anything for me ah there's a fit you know that girl yeah you totally tell is that that girl um that's it when fawny is okay i like blyona so far because i like watching her order her parents around and giving herself lipo laser in bed yeah um and i like mossimo and fawny because they went to target and bake them hands yeah i was just in that target i just bought set those katana it's my my dorky admission on the day what did you buy said there's a katana support game it's like the best instead of being you should come over and play oh being i'm not going to come over and play anything anymore because i went over and played grand theft auto and guess she's been sitting in front of the xbox like he has you bought it no i i have four though already so it's like oh i'll play some grand theft auto and practice my driving in case i go to penthouse again one day i've been playing that for three days now so thanks you're welcome i'm actually trying to figure out how to work picture in picture so i can watch my bravo shows while i play i'm kind of mixed the sickness i like to play a game called grand theft fawny we just play as fawny walking around the city hello excuse me i have to kill you now and still your car thank you i'm funny i'm proud of you he's funny yeah she's big she's big in japan well absolutely i'm hitting your car you were not looking like you're going so i'm going to kill you now okay hooker but i'm funny i'm funny wait i was like give me your car now like now i take your car and i drive away and murder you okay because i'm i'm fucking famous now fuck you fuck you on famous grand theft you're sorry that my driving is so bad but i'm looking for my song on the radio so if somebody can find a radio station with my song maybe i can drive better and stop killing so many pedestrians in destroyed I am i am the world record holder of grand theft auto albinja and it's a game where you it's a free roaming game when you drive around fields and avoid sheep it's a good game and then if you win a reward your father gets better job in government if you do monthly reward you lose everything you rob bank and tiana and there's only one bank there so it's that's the only mission in the game and i'm very good at it well i can tell you this much i'm gonna let these euros mean i mean me too me too i love it i already love this show which means it's probably gonna be canceled in two seconds mm-hmm although maybe we broke that curse with fanderpump rules although i hated fanderpump rules for a long time you you've always like yeah no no i hated it too i'm in the beginning i was like this fucking show and then um i end of course now like bow down at the altar all right well we're leaving we're leaving this show soon band so i want to talk really quickly about the final shows um talk chef what do you think what do you think what do you think i still love it that guy i think that that guy erin is still such an asshole what do you do this we got he got me so it's like a week he goes i can't remember he got me so mad but then he started in on this whole my dad you know i grew up with that he died and you know my parents couldn't afford to send me to culinary school like everybody like he started playing the pity card i guess because he was coming across as a total dick um but guess what a lot of people didn't grow up with a dad it doesn't give them a right to be mean to other people and like who cares if other people went to culinary school and you didn't so now you're definitely mean to anybody who has an education you yeah that's what i hated little prick that's what i hated because you know the the culinary instructor she's a super sweet woman okay she's really lovely i like her you know and he beats her oh so what happens is that erin loses the quick fire so it was a sudden death thing so in order for him to stay on the show he has to challenge someone and if he beats them he gets to stay on the show so he chooses the culinary instructor because he's like yeah because i didn't go to culinary school so i won't you know i want to prove that you don't have to go to culinary school and he beats her and he's like oh i guess i guess that like had that education workout for you or i guess it just it's like he's being an asshole he's like picking a fight perfectly lovely woman and it's like he's being asshole about you just lost the quick fire you just cooked the worst thing out of like 15 people so what are you talking about yeah and the whole episode he was just like had this chip on a shoulder against this woman and you know he's that type you know he's got a chip on a shoulder about everything and everyone and you know what last week i was saying how i didn't like the guy the mexico sure guy um he's got the japanese yeah now i like him and i like that he was like he was basically being fun of erin yeah he was making fun of erin like in the stew room and erin's like hey fucking shut up already like you who the fuck do do do do and i was like no you shut up and he's like no why don't you shut up if you don't want anybody to like i'm not gonna like you okay so on it on it if you want to be a jerk hmm i love that guy yeah no erin's like a total he's just an asshole i hate him um a whole picks teacher teacher apologizes for dish and then oh god so then the teacher later they go to the the ballpark and she cooks her dish and it she doesn't do her custard ride or whatever but she still makes a lovely dessert so before they can even say anything she's like i really messed it up it was a failure of technique it was supposed to be a custard but now it's almost moving they're like stop talking yourself down this is actually really good you just totally fucked yourself over and then she did the reality show sin but my dad died and cancer this i'm like oh no i i i using that it's like no i was okay with it i was okay with it i think there's a contact i think when amber does it on jersey it's bad because i feel like she's doing it for fame i think in this case it was i i thought it was and people hold onto that shit until they're in trouble they always if she had done it last week when well i don't think she's wanted anything yeah but they've done it when she was on the top like in this episode if they were like you're in the top three and she was like oh this means so much because my dad died that's one thing but they always do it when they're in trouble when they're like you know you your dish sucked they're like oh my god my my dad's dead i don't like that i thought it was appropriate and you know what the producers probably told her to say it anyway oh blame the producers i will ever listen you know what i am standing up for the lovely culinary instructor because she has this asshole coming after her now and so therefore i'm gonna be at i'm going to like her but let's face it she's made broccoli salad a terrible a terrible custard and she's already quite about her dead dad twice so she's not doing she's not really high up in my all right i have my reality show rules okay fine you can mention that you can mention your drama one time but you cannot do it every fucking time fine cancer cancer cancer cancer on this both off cancer away cancer ron was voted off for putting a big ball on his suit and uh he cried and uh you know though it's his fault that was funny because he was crying that he was like i know i've been in everybody else here shut up fat queen get out of here yeah you're anybody else yeah he was the one who uh he was the one who told joy was i don't name yeah joy crump who he liked he was one who was like oh no don't take the bones off that veal and then she went home because of it so you know what karma is a bitch and i came back for him yeah i'm always rooting for the big fat gay guy you know especially when they have a birthmark on their head but yeah no don't be a jerk i didn't think he was gay i thought he was i thought he was straight and had a son oh really never mind i'm glad he's gone get out of here yeah i get out of here so the only other show was uh low deck i watched the blow deck reunion i only watched uh like an hour of it it was an hour and a half of my dvr cut it off so it was a fun reunion but honestly the best part was when they were talking about um jennice and kelly's relationship and where it was now and kelly says it was like the funniest thing uh he was like listen like first he's like jennice was saying you know you know my issue with kelly was that he was like not really there like you know he wasn't really present in the relationship and you know she's like you know i'm not needy but when you say you're gonna like pick me up from the airport and you don't pick me up like that's like an issue for me that's basically what she said and then he's like what i was a good boyfriend like you know we took pictures and put them on instagram together we put them on twitter like his defense was basically that like they had a good social media presence and she was like that's the internet he's like well and then andy was andy first of all was an asshole this entire reunion like he was so in like he was like within like the first 30 seconds he's like oh kelly like your dick your dick pick was on the internet huh you know and like everything was like that like oh can you like he's like hey can you make a towel look like boobs like he was so like where are you know not to say that we aren't but like he's the host of an actual tv show and we're just podcasters but anyway um so uh at one point it comes up the the fact that like jennese you know jennese plain and short you know jennese plain and short like it's like she's sort of like not quite at kelly's level etc etc and so kelly's kelly was like trying to like trying to like to defend this and so he literally says on on the reunion he i'm sorry it was like so it was so awful like i literally like laughed out loud he's like listen you know people are like saying things like like hey she's too ugly for you and she's like they were saying she's too ugly for you and i was like no there's a lot more than just looks oh my god what did she how did she react i mean everyone like ben the chef was like i mean even like captain lee was like oh whoa the fact that like his response was not like no like she's not she's beautiful it was that like no no no no no there's a lot more going on than just that i i literally was like why i'm going to miss that little show probably dick yeah kelly kind of came off he was pretty bad on it he did and jones came off as actually very sympathetic and you know it was like a fun reunion nothing too too notable except that and he was just being really tacky and uh Eddie gained some weight speaking of tacky me oh yeah he gained a little bit of weight Alex P yeah don't do it Alex but otherwise it was fine you know cat still was not like really owning up to the fact that like she blew Amy's boyfriend or Amy's crushed back in the day yeah it's all the same stuff it's good it's a good time well next week we have more euros more Vanderpump and more real households and new jurors what else are you going to watch for next week then i think you just named it all just three wait what else oh Atlanta we have Atlanta oh we do that starts this week starts on Sunday there we go and there we go yeah yeah okay well thanks you guys for listening to another episode yeah join us on patreon.com/watchwithcrapins to become a subscriber for our bonus episode which today is about gay guys complaining about crosswalks yeah you see guys it's a lot more it's a lot more entertaining than that i would like to say yeah we just talk regular bullshit there we talked about Thomas talk about Thomas Ravanell also and his election loss yeah and we're having uh our live shows at uh January 25th here in LA yep the left factory no the improv the improv the improv the improv sorry left victory what an awful thing to say on awful so uh come see that air of old to find all of our social media stuff that are watch with crappins.com and come to our facebook page to talk to everybody else listening and posting and that's facebook.com/watchwithcrapins and thank you guys so much for being on that page and for supporting this podcast you are making my dreams come true guys and they're actually a slight exaggeration no it's honestly speaking from the heart it actually is really helping my life it's supporting me basically yeah so thanks you guys so much for that um go over there we'll have ringer's post it probably this week and then next week we have our google hangout so come be a part of it patreon.com/watchwithcrapins thank you guys so much for everything bam thanks for another great week no thank you ronnie thank you guys we will talk to you next time all right bye everyone if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the side show network of launch the new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like regi wats tat glass buys a slice finger slicing drab and friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and i still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own own benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com/waitfordcomedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and i love you to the insurance company that's spurned me our time together has come to an end it's not me it's you we both know what i'm talking about 15 minutes ago i began courting geico it was just the easiest thing i've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast not only have i saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance but also the future tears you were sure to impose my 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stranger someone wants them dead is not easy follow kill list on the wonderie app or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to kill list and more exhibits see true crumb shows like morbid early and ad-free right now by joining wonderie plus check out exhibits see in the wonderie app for all your true crime listening
