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Visit audible.com/crapins or text-crapins to 500-500. That's audible.com/crapins or text-crapins to 500-500. Watch what crap is, watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Watch what crap is, watch what crap is, watch what crap is What happens when there's so much that crap is? Hey everyone, welcome to watch what crap is, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mantleker from bsideblog.com and joining me as always is the wonderful and inimitable Ronnie Karam. Hey Ronnie. Hello everybody. Hello, hello. If you want to follow us on social media, which I highly recommend, just go to watchwhatcrapins.com and you'll find links to all of our social media goodness, including Facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins. It's our Facebook page, super fun, super cool. We love it. And also be sure to go to patreon.com/watchwhatcrapins because with Patreon, you can help support this podcast. We're like, you know, public broadcasting here. You know, you can just pledge like literally a dollar per episode, even just once a month. And that really helps us a lot. And it gives you access to like bonus episodes and ringtones and Google Hangouts. We had our first Google Hangout last week and honestly, it was so fun. Yeah, it was really funny times. It was really, really fun times. We had a blast. So, you know, if you go to the Patreon page, patreon.com/watchwhatcrapins, you'll find all the details and how you can contribute and help us out. It really, really does mean a lot to us. And if we get to $1,000 per episode, we will do two episodes of Watch What Crapins per week for the masses for everyone. So, it's really easy. Just go there. Anyway, wow. What a week of Bravo for us. What a week, Ben. What a week. Yes, and also at Watch What Crapins.com, we have a new little website up and you can find all our social media links and our Patreon link and all of that. So, if you don't remember where to go, just go to Watch What Crapins.com, y'all. It's easy. It's so easy. So, anyway, we had... So, on to the show. So, we had, let's see, the shows we'll talk about today. We're going to talk about Real House as a Melbourne reunion. We're going to talk about Below Deck. We'll talk about New Jersey. We'll touch on Watch What Happens the second part of a Joe and Teresa. And then, Ronnie, you said you watched some People's Couch last night. I did. I was watching People's Couch. I've been having website issues, which means that I'm sitting at my computer all day trying to figure out what coding is. And so, I have my TV going and watching stuff that I don't normally watch. And I was watching People's Couch and it was so funny. Really? It was so good. I loved it. That's good to know. I mean, I assume the show's doing well because it keeps coming back. It is hilarious. I love everybody on it. And it's actually got a good time slot now. It's got a normal time slot. So, I think they'll be doing well and I'm really happy for them. And I also see probably why we aren't on it because we just talk too much. Like, they actually watch a show, which we didn't really do. I remember when we auditioned. That was my first thought afterwards. We were like, when Matt, Ryan, and I sat down. They're like, "Okay, watch the show." And there's a comment on it. And we just were on. We're like, "Okay, let's be hilarious." And we talked over every single clip. Like, we were monsters. And then they even said they're like, "No, just be sure you can just chill and just watch it." Yeah, this is like watching people, just watch TV. And they just make comments now and then and they cut them together. But it's so funny. And I'm doing a new show that's kind of similar called TV Viewing Party. And you guys can watch it. It's on tonight for Top Chef, but I'm just going to watch shows with funny comics and stuff. And I guess it's similar, except mine won't, you know, it'll be just like chatting with people online and stuff and having special guests. But we'll still talk over it. But the people's couch was so funny. I really liked that show. I love everybody on it. The gays are so cute. The old ladies are so cute. The families are great. The black people are hilarious. I'll have to check in on it again because, you know, what I've said before on this show is that when I have watched it, I actually felt like it was too scripted. It didn't really wasn't really clicking for me, but maybe they've worked through some of that stuff. Parts of it seem like that, like they're just kind of putting it on, or they haven't seen the shows, so they're making stuff up. But when it's good, it's good. It's a really funny show. It's really cute to have on. And also you see shows that you haven't seen. Like they were watching Hollywood Divas, which is hilarious. It's this girl from Hustle & Flow. And she's like, when I was dating a movie star, everyone was my friend. And then I started dating PA. And no one knows me anymore. Now I'm poor. So I'm bringing other black women together to make it in Hollywood. And I'm like, oh no. And one of the gay guys is like, you're blaming your boyfriend on losing your fame? That's not cool. It's a good show. It's a good show. Okay, I'll check it out. It's like one of a million shows I have to watch. And it feels really bizarre, like talking about bravo shows and just covering it with compliments, because it's not really what we do. And so we don't really have to sit here and discuss it, but I really did like it. So gay show, I'm glad you're back. Good. Good boys and girls. Good for people's couch. I hope they're getting paid more than they were going to pay us. Yeah, that's pretty cool. That's cool. And then obviously last week on Thursday, actually right before our Google Hangout, there was part two of Teresa and Joe. Watch what happens one on one. And all I can remember about it was the part where Joe was discussing his drinking. And he's like, you know, he's like, you know, I probably, he's like, so what? Yeah, you know, I probably have one. You know, he's like, yeah, I don't know, you know, I probably have a drink a little bit too much. You know, it's like, he's like, you know, I have like, you know what, hey, I get my work done, you know, I go, I do my work. And then at night, you know, I have like four or five bottles of wine. Yeah, you know, I share them with somebody, share them with the person. I kept her in bed. So what? And then like the very next conversation was so Teresa, Joe's going to be raising the children, right? And she's like, yeah, all I asked him to do was take care of my children, take care of my children. He's like, only four or five bottles a night. He's like, by your children, you're talking about the wine bottles, right? Those are our children. I can take care of those. You know, I don't know. I mean, you know, I don't know. My favorite, my favorite daughter is Cakewalk. You know, Charles Charles Shaw is the son I never had. So love him. I have a baby with my black mistress. Her name is Chardonnay. You know, I'll take care of Chardonnay. My favorite daughter that looks nothing like me is named Ramona. Love her. Hey, hey, where's that? Where's that knucklehead son of mine? Peanut. Peanut Grigio. That's from the Grigio family. Speaking of alcohol, we started talking about Fabiolinis and how all of their businesses have tanked because of this bad publicity, which I think is so weird because when has Teresa ever had good publicity? I don't like Teresa's been a total bitch from the very beginning and a villain from the very beginning, so I don't know how her good publicity was selling anything, but apparently it's killed Fabiolinis and not the metallic poisonous taste of it. I was about to say, I think Fabiolini was doomed from, I mean, like it made Vicky's bloody piggy look appetizing. And it's, they did not help sell it on the show as they talked about where it's being stored. They're like, oh, it was made niddly and now it's just sitting in a warehouse or like it's sitting in like some rental storage. I'm picturing like one of those like rental storage unit things that looks like a train car that all of the cast of Walking Dead was being murdered in this week. But that's how I picture it, just like zombies attacking this Fabiolini cart. Was there even a need for Fabiolinis? Was there like this uprising of people saying, I like champagne, but I wish I could just get a Bellini instead right now and, you know, I know I could make it, but I wouldn't be great if it was made for me. I wish I wish that I could have a Fabiolini that was, I wish I had a Bellini that was like stored in the heat for months at a time before it serves to me. That sounds delicious. And Andy's like, well, how about your businesses? You know, Fabiolini, Ouch, that must hurt, right? And Teresa's like, well, yeah, you know, we had to use our own money for that. I mean, that was our money. You understand that, right? That was our own money. So, like, wow, Teresa, congratulations. So out of the $14 million that you owe debtors, none of that is for Fabiolini. Wow. That, how big of you? Yeah. Congratulations on putting your money towards a doomed business idea. I mean, the thing is this, we saw last season, like, it was like, it was like Joe and Teresa going to like a winery and taste testing this shit. Like, if there's anything that's going to make me not want to buy a drink is knowing that, like, Joe Judas was one of the master chefs behind it. And didn't they fuck at the winery? Was it them who, like, did it behind a tree at the winery? No, that was a listen, Joe. No, no, no, no. I think it was a different winery. Oh, that was a Napa. Yeah. Oh, God, the show. Too much too many memories of the show that I don't need to be remembering. Did you watch any of Manzo's? No, I, I refrained. Did you watch it? I watched a little bit of it because I, any show that comes on Bravo, I try and find a recap or four, right? Because I figure we talk about it, people are interested, whatever. So we got a recap for Manzo's. This bitch is so fucking funny. I was reading her recap and I was like, this shit looks actually good. And then I watched it and it wasn't good. But the recap was very funny. And basically, it's Lauren just being an awful, awful C word. Yeah. Because her boyfriend, her boyfriend. Slip. Her brother is dating, like, some porn star or some girl who looks like a porn star. She's pretty, so Lauren hates her, basically, what's going on. And not hiding it at all. And part of me feels horrible for Lauren and the other part of me just wants to laugh my ass off at her. And one of the comments on the recap was, you know, that's what Albie gets for taking a fat girl to the prom. Now she'll never let him go. So true. So yeah, I'm not watching it, but I'm really enjoying watching it from the sidelines. Just, just give her a tub of egg salad and she'll be happy. Oh my gosh, she will never be happy. She will never be happy. No, she won't. She will be a terror. God bless her heart. I feel bad for Vito. But then again, bless her cholesterol, Latin heart. God bless the cheesy poops that are filling up her arteries. So what's there anything else in that Teresa and Joe interview? I'm trying to think. There were some other things I just can't remember. I like remember the bottles. I remember the first interview. I actually had some pity for them because I was like, Oh my God, they're literally just so stupid. Yeah, that they really didn't know what they were doing. Like they're literally that stupid. But then, of course, I had a week. And when they came on again, and we're just obviously lying about every fucking thing. And then they started going into weird things from the past. Oh, here's something that I'm remembering that I really like. So Andy was like, so will Melissa and Joe be adopting your children? Like, you know, Andy, he's terrible. So he said something close. He didn't say that exactly, but something around that. Like, will they be helping with your children? And Teresa just started her neck veins started bulging out and she was like, No, I don't know why everybody's asking that we have a huge family. We've got grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles. And then he starts, which I thought was hilarious. So she still hates Melissa and Joe. And the other thing was he, Oh God, Ronnie, get a memory. Ronnie, get your memory back. The other thing was Andy was giving her shit about saying that the show was scripted because she was telling the judge, Oh, I'm not this bitch you see on TV. This is highly edited. Which is true. I mean, yes, Teresa is a liar. But of course, those shows are scripted and full of crap. We all know it. And he's like, Oh, so you said the show was scripted and she's like, you know, trying to backpedal or whatever. And he's like, so was it scripted when you threw the table? Did we ask you to do that? And she's like, No, he's like, Well, was it scripted when you know, like trying to say that it's not scripted or whatever. He's being a real bitch about it. He's such a cunt because it's so fucking scripted. But then he's so stupid too. Like, this is the thing I loved about it. He's as stupid as they are. He's like, Well, was it scripted? You know, your whole relation with your whole relationship with your family. Is that scripted? And she's like, No, but you tricked me by getting them on there and not telling me. Like, how is that not scripted? Like, it might not be an exact script, but you fucking tricked me into all of that. You know, so fuck him. He's so full of shit. Yeah, but otherwise it was really fun to watch them squirm. And it was really fun watching Andy pretend that he's Barbara Walters when he can't, he still can't even get his like ins and outs on time. Yeah, no, I agree. I wish I could. There were some other funny things, but at this point, I just, I can't remember them. I didn't laugh as much at this one. This one, I was just like, go to jail already. Jesus Christ. We're gonna have to put up with you when you come back. So I guess we should segue into New Jersey, right? Yeah. Now, first of all, what I'm surprised about with New Jersey is that midway through the episode, we started seeing little things on the bottom of the screen saying that the season finale is next week. Now that made me happy because I'm like, put the season to sleep already. Yeah, the season needs to get it back. But this was, this was a short season, I thought. It was actually a little surprise. Really short. It's only episode 13. Yeah, which just goes to show that it was, it was a crap. And in fact, I went back to watch the like the preview, not the special, but like the trailer for the season because I was like, I feel like that maybe they've just like, like they cut stuff out. But they didn't. I looked at the trailer and I realized that we've covered most of stuff in the trailer. So, well, I heard there was supposed to be an Atlantic City trip. That's what I thought. That's what I thought in the trailer that there was an Atlantic City trip and then like, and like Amber and I thought that Amber and Dina got into a fight. But I was, I don't know, I seem to remember them. There's, I seem to remember in the trailer, I seem where they're sitting around like, like a craps table or like a blackjack table. And I didn't see it in the trailer this time. Yeah, I think that they probably cut it out. But I think that they just were like, bye. Because the season's gotten so ridiculous. The twins apparently were like threatening to quit because of that rumor. It's like, who cares? You're bringing nothing to the show. Just leave. Yeah, the twins are awful. And it's also like, they're hard to, it's literally like, you can't figure out. I never know which one's which on screen. It's like, for the viewer, it's actually a difficult proposition to have to like, follow these two hideous kulata fans who look the same, talk the same and have no distinguishing personalities except that one has a husband and one has, you know, a hanger on. I mean, if you really, if you took away their like bodices. Oh no. If you basically took away their Jersey horror outfits, they would look like Tim Burton characters. Tell you think they were like little like they would look like the sort of like the puppet things that it feels like it'd be like ever. Nightmare on what's it? Christmas. Christmas nightmare. What? Nightmare on Nightmare before Christmas. Nightmare before Christmas. Yes. They look like those people with like their faces all sewn up and shit. I feel like they look like they could be like, claymations, stop motion dogs that would be like friends with Edward Luther hands up in his castle. Yeah. Everybody loves that. Hey, where's Edward? Where's Edward? I can't believe that Edward left us at the left us at the castle. It's like, listen, I expect a lot from my friends and Teresa is not a friend. Listen, I was there for her from the very beginning from day one with all of them. From the very beginning. I was there for her from day one. Yeah, I was there for from day one because I wanted to be on the TV show. So I wanted to be in with her. So when she's there for different day one, you don't even know her. You shot with her for two days. Because because I bought her a kulata. Okay. I bought her a kulata and I don't buy people kulatas unless I got bought a kulata for Bobby and for Teresa. Okay. And I only buy them for people I love. Okay. And I love Teresa from day one. All right. Let's start at the beginning of this episode. Melissa and Amber go to lunch and Melissa is suddenly Amber's best friend, which is weird. And she's also giving her advice. And she's also forgiving her and saying no one blames her for the actions of her shitty husband, which I think is so funny because that's like the theme of this show. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. Like everybody's going to go be going to jail because of deals. Her husband's made. Yeah. Oh, and I'm not buying Melissa and I'm not buying Amber either. And Amber is so meek now. Amber is only crazy when she's around the twins. Everyone else is very meek and trying to be their friend. Yeah, because the other people are established famous people. So like the twins are nothing. So she's so she knows that when she's around the other people, she's like on best behavior. She's like cancer cancer cancer. I love you cancer. Yeah. Well, she knows how she knows how the world works in the housewives because, I mean, not her, but the twins know how the world works in the housewives because they're going after the big fish. Yeah. They're like, you want to be on top? You need to take down the top. It's like the whole thing that happened with Vander Poop last year. Everybody's trying to go for Teresa. Of course, Lisa's no Lisa, I mean, Teresa's no Lisa, but the thing with Teresa is that she's so easy to take down, by the way. They take her down like every season. I used to have such a temper. I used to have such a temper, but you know, now look at me. I have I have tempers and, but you know, I mature. You know, I grow. I grow. You know, Andy, I grow. I used to have a temper. I have what do you call what do you call these? You get a temper temper temper. Yeah, yeah, temper temper. You know, I'd go into a youth house and be like, like, what is this? But then I'd be like, Melania, no. I'm just trying to keep my temper on a flop. So Jackie has one of the twins over, whichever. Yeah, Jacqueline. And when I left this over there and I love that Kathy and Jackie both got fired from the housewives and basically just started eating. Yeah, because I think that that's what anybody who gets fired from TV should do. It's like you're not on TV anymore. Have a sandwich. They did. They look extremely happy. But man, it's really not cool to fire somebody and then call them last second to try and save a season. Yeah, because that's all they do is eat. And then all they do is bring out plates of food. There were like 20 gigantic plates of food. I know. Well, I also liked how like the twin was like, well, I'm very interested to meet this Jackie because I hear she's a troublemaker. And I'm like, since when has Jacqueline been a troublemaker? You know, she does nothing. She just sits around and sniffles. Yeah, she is crazy. Well, she's a troublemaker on Twitter, but she's not real life. So everybody knows that. Anybody who has Twitter knows that you don't even have to be following Jackie because she'll be tweeting President Obama for not calling her back, you know, which is crazy. I have a question. So when I watched the trailer for the season, there was a scene when Teresa was like, like, you know, like, I know how to spell bitch. It's K A T H Y and then they show close up of like one of Kathy's canola is like on a plate. And do we do we see that this season? Do we see this moment? No, they cut. They cut out. They cut so much of the season. They basically cut eight hours of the season out, right? Cause don't they normally go to like 20 or 21. So I guess they put it out. It's so low rated. Yeah. I think it's because it's so low rated and there's no story. And I mean, I've never seen a season like this. Honestly, that's just been, you feel like they're making it on the fly. They're inserting these random scenes with Kathy and and Jacqueline. It's just so, it's so slapdash, not even Miami season one, which was a whole different show that they had to redo. Not even that was as incoherent as this season. Yeah, this makes no sense. They can't get anybody to talk to each other and they're all actors and Bobby is saying that he's going to marry the twin within a year is total bullshit. But nothing they do really comes across as real. And I don't normally mind that. It's not like I'm looking for realism, but there is nothing going on. And then when you're bringing Kathy and Jacqueline back who are saying, Oh, they're there to support Teresa, but the second you get, give them a chance, all they do is yap at Teresa. Chris is calling her fellow Nini, which is pretty hilarious. And then, so basically, the twin tells them all this juicy gossip of, Oh, there's this rumor going around the vagina. They're calling her dirty vagina gaudy for whatever reason I don't understand. And I was like, good one, guys. Really good one. V.G. vagina. And she's like, it's a dirty vagina. Oh, wow. Good one. Elevate it. You know, take something. Take a seat and elevate it. Okay. So they're calling her dirty vagina, gaudy or whatever. She's like, and someone's ready to rely. And then Teresa told somebody. And then Kathy's like, who would even repeat that? Who would do that? I mean, it's someone's family. It's so much mother. Who would do that? What a horrible face. Right. Kathy calm down. Okay. Your real anger is the fact that Teresa bought one of your cannoli kits and turned it into a business making cannolis. [laughter] Stop pretending you're mad about something else. Fabinoli. Feboli. Ebola. [laughter] Hey, why don't my new cannoli? It's called the Ebola cannoli. [laughter] Ebola. It's called the ICANN, but Kathy cannoli. [laughter] So then Kathy and Jacqueline start having a fit about how awful Teresa is and blah, blah, blah. And look, Teresa is awful. I'm not disagreeing with any of that, but come on, Teresa didn't do this. And especially to get them so riled up that next week the twins are saying, oh, karma's a bitch. Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. Well, they are, they are gestures and saying that Teresa deserves to go to jail and she's a criminal. She betrayed them. They're going after her like she's done something to them. And Teresa doesn't even fucking know these twats. And I have to say, I mean, listen, I've always hated Teresa since season one. I'm like the reverse the twin. Like, I did not support her from day one. I was anti-support. But that being said, karma is a bitch, but the karma is not coming from the fact that she told Dina about the rumor and that was it. You know, like she didn't really, when she even said it, she even said it in a way that was like, this rumor is ridiculous. I don't think I should, I think it sounds crazy. You know, like, it wasn't really a terrible instance of gossiping, but these twins are like, they're, they're making it sound like it's like the Rosenbergs like passing along nuclear secrets. They're gonna be happy little fame horrors. They're so obnoxious. They, they went after, I mean, look, Amber's an idiot too, but they, the second they heard anything about Amber, they went fucking crazy on Amber. And here's the thing about these rumors that we're hearing about these twins this season. So one of them is that one of them broke up a family, right? Yeah. So we never heard the end of it. We never heard that story. So that was squashed for whatever reason. We never even heard what that rumor really was. Which means it's probably true when she threatened to sue. And then the next one is that the husband is fucking the mother-in-law, which no one really denies for hours. And it turns out during that Atlantic, sorry, Florida trip, the twins were refusing to film like they left or one of the twins left and was refusing to film and they had to like talk her into coming back and that's why she stood back up at dinner. So these bitches I think are just always threatening to quit and pulling an Adrian Maloof and threatening to sue the network or something. And that's probably why they cut the season short. Now that's all conjecture, but I'm glad. I mean, I guess we owe them things because this is getting painful. Yeah, Bravo's got to do some major revamping because the ratings have been terrible. And you know, the thing is, it's the only housewives franchise on the air right now. And I think that Bravo thought, "Oh, well, Jersey, it's like our second highest rated franchise. I'm sure it'll be fine to carry us through this part of the season." But no. I mean, Bravo, I wonder how this is affecting Bravo because the show is in the shitter. Shah's a sunset was supposed to premiere this month and it was pushed because of labor issues. Although now they've resolved it, so it should be coming back soon. So it's really been just like New Jersey and Below Deck that have been holding up. I don't know how Below Deck's ratings are. I'm assuming they're pretty good. But it's not a marquee franchise by Jersey is. Yeah, Jersey, they really dropped the ball with this. I mean, Kathy was kind of boring as hell, but why would they have gotten rid of the cast? Wasn't it doing really well last year? I mean, I think that Caroline wanted to leave. I don't know. Whoever's overseeing this stuff has to, they need to swap this person out because they kind of messed up New York. Even though I love New York last season, New York's ratings suffered because they did a big cast overhaul two years ago. So like they've heard New York, they've now heard New Jersey. The only cast, I'm trying to think of, was there another cast I had that could major overhaul Miami? Um, but Miami, Orange County, I mean, if you look at Orange County from year to year, they have pretty major overhauls. But they usually only, they usually only bring in like one or two at a time. Yeah. I think that when you bring in too many new people, I think if you bring in three or more people, viewers, they resist. And then first of all, there are a lot of people who don't give the shows as much leeway as we do. Because there's some people who see three new people and they immediately say, "Ah, it's not the same. I'm not going to watch anymore." They just do it automatically, which I think is unfair. But in the case of Jersey, they had the right instinct. But I went to the dentist recently and, you know, she's always at whenever I go to her, she's like, "Oh, what shows you guys talking about?" And we were talking about Jersey and she's like, "That's my favorite one." I said, "Really? Do you still like it?" And she goes, "I love that show. It's so crazy." So I mean, I don't know. Maybe we're being too picky. Yeah, who knows? The only one, the only cast that have been really, the only shows that have managed cast change as well has been OC in Atlanta because they only do about two people at most. And they keep their big crazies on. Now, watching Manzo's, I'm really glad Caroline's not back. I'm glad Jackie's not back now seeing her again because of her. I mean, seriously with the autism, stop already. Just stop. All she does is sob all the time about autism. Okay, a lot of people have children with autism and they're strong and they move forward with life. Jackie, okay? Stop using it for airtime and crying. You're just a fucking another normal mother in the world. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and give your son a chance. You fucking cry, baby. Stop it. She's just doing it for attention. It's so obnoxious. And then this one, when the twin's like, "Oh, you know there's a spectrum, right? There's a spectrum of autism." I'm like, "Really? You don't think she knows there's a fucking spectrum of autism?" Well, it is Jackie, so there's a chance. She's like, "There's a spectrum here. Let me explain." It's sort of like if you have a colada that has coffee and a colada that's just vanilla. And that's like a spectrum of coladas, but then instead of coladas, just put autistic kids in there instead. Coladas cause autism. You know what you got to do to save autism? Just give them a lot of coladas. I don't vaccinate my kids. I get them coladas instead. Oh my god. There are such strong mothers out there who are dealing with autism and to see someone just being a pity party and using it for TV time is getting fucking pathetic. And it's making me feel like I have a child with autism and I'm getting really pissed off. I know. Meanwhile, speaking of milking physical ailments, then you have- You cut off. I'm assuming God is stopping you from talking about milking. God is like, can you hear me now? All I was saying was that speaking of people who milking or milking things, then you have Amber who had a photo shoot for her cancer where she showed off the scars from her mastectomy and everything. And, you know, it's a shame because it actually should have been like a very lovely segment of her getting these photos and, you know, her hair. It was sort of like a nice little photo shoot, but she's talked about this cancer so much that by the time we got to this part of the season where she's having, what should be a nice moment, I'm just like, shut the fuck up about the cancer and your angel wings that are clipped and blah, blah, blah, blah. Bloop angel wings. I know, and I'm sure those were not angel wings. And that photographer, who let some shoot them like that? Okay, the photographer was like laying on the ground. Who gets shot from below? Nobody who's ever taken a selfie. Yeah. And then that was just, that seemed like a mess. And then she put all those pictures in the Photoshop or whatever and made them look like paintings and then they hung them to sell them in the Olive Garden or some shit. And then they were like sitting in the Olive Garden like surrounded by those pictures. I was like, "Oh God." And then the scene at the stables with Jim fake crying and then getting down on his knees and beating the ground. I was like, "Come on." It was so ridiculous. You know, and the thing is the photos, the first photo that they showed was actually, I thought, looked artistic. I was like, "Oh wow, they actually got some good photos." And then the rest were so cheesy. It was like, "Her with a horse." It was the kind of stuff you see preloaded in a picture frame at Target, you know, that you like throw out. I go like, "It's a girl with a horse, black and white." So it's like, "My dream job is to be in those frames." Do you know how many people are just dreaming of getting cancer so they can get paintings of themselves in the Olive Garden? You can't just get that anywhere, okay? You have to be special, guys. Yeah, I'm really sick of hearing about everybody's fucking possible diseases, everybody's children's diseases, and then Teresa's made up bullshit diseases because she's so stupid. She takes Gia to get their nails done, and she's talking about how Gia has to go to all these butt mitzvahs, and just in case the nail lady doesn't know what that is, which fucking idiot, she's like, "Those are parties. They're becoming a woman. That's their religion." And then she's talking about something like how Gia can't have babies until she's married or something, and she's like, "That's the Italian religion." And I was like, "I wish she was being funny." Yeah, but knowing Teresa, she's not being funny. No, she can't explain what getting her tubes tied means, and why would you need to get her tubes tied, Teresa? Come on, lady. She's like, "You know, it's what you do when you go to a jiffy lube, and you say, "I want to tie my tubes," and then they tie her tubes, and that's all Gia. Yeah, it's like you need to get your belt changed, but this belt is so old. There's no use in changing it. Just do it until the car breaks down. You understand Gia? She's like, "Oh, Gia's just like, I'm gonna go back to my pop group now." Yeah, I wonder where Teresa got her tubes tied. I have visions of being like in an interesting strip mall where Danielle Stop got her boobs fixed. Do you remember when she got her boobs fixed, and her plastic surgeon was literally in a strip mall with like a neon sign with half the letters burned out? It's probably at like Kim D's store, like an addressing room. The Posh Tube Tying event. I miss Kim D. So I'm writing for this site called Rancor.com, and I'm basically compiling lists in Slideshow about TV, and I pitched a whole bunch of Real Housewives ones because I said I could get an audience, so hopefully everyone will go read my stuff on Rancor. And one of the things, one of the slideshows that I've written is the best hair of the Real Housewives, and I think it's gonna get published today or tomorrow, and I put Kim D on the list because I felt like even though she's not a Real Housewife, those hair fangs are legendary. Oh my god, best hair. That girl looks like she's, it looks like Kendall. Wait, let me, let me, let me say something. The word best, the worst best has a lot of interpretations. When I say best, I mean like, like you can't help but like love how awful it is, you know. Yeah, I know what you mean, Dan. All right, I'm not Teresa. I just want to make sure. I want to make sure you haven't had one too many clattas, coanas. God, best hair, best wigs, go to, well it has hair on these shows. These bitches are all really bald. Actually, what was really hard is that I had the list had to be between 20 and 35 items long and I'm like, at a certain point I'm like, oh God, I'm just throwing the whole cast. Yeah, I was like, just throwing so many women up there. I put Caroline man's up there for crying out loud. She has Caroline man's up for best hair. Well, I just cut the mug notorious. I ranked her low hair of all time. I ranked her low. I just basically said she had mom hair. I said, I said, I said, good for her for not trying to be like super glamorous and she just has mom here and that's it. You know how when sometimes you get a haircut? I mean, I don't, but I used to. Like you'll get a haircut and it's awful and then people look at you and they don't know what to say. So they just go, oh my God, you got your haircut. Nice haircut. Nice, nice haircut. I think that Caroline just couldn't hear the confusion in their voice and thought people said good haircut and just kept doing that to herself over and over. I mean, that's embarrassing. If you look at Caroline from season to season for like the five seasons or whatever that she was on, yikes. Well, her first season, her hair was so terrible. I mean, she looked like the woman who sings. I love the nightlife, both red hair. Have you ever. Alicia, what's her face? A lot of the nightlife is Alicia Bridges. I like the guy. She's like this big bulldog. Caroline's hair is actually better than it ever has. Oh yeah, it actually looks good right now. And I think I did give her props for the way it looks now. I, although what I really wanted to do was find a picture of her from that one episode. Remember that one episode where she did something really weird to her hair that like her whole family made fun of her? She like put like gel in her hair and it was like sort of like sticking like. Oh yeah, she's looking back. I wanted to find a picture of that because that was like a notable hairstyle that would have been good for the list, but it was too hard to find an image. So funny. Yeah, I'm not thinking he has the best hair being. Well, well, you know, it's funny. I can say, well, first of all, let me say that the way this website works is I create the list, but people can go and they can vote. They can upvote and downvote. So as a result, if you really think that Caroline has the worst hair, you just give it a thumbs down and she'll go to the bottom of the pack. So I can tell you that the, I can tell you my, I think the top three or four, which will be a good segue because I think number one, I actually gave to Joyce from Joyce from Beverly Hills. Oh yeah. Yeah. Good call. And then I said, actually, let me just pull it up. Let me pull this up. This is, you guys are getting some sneak preview into my into my little. What a thrill. I know. All right. I have, gosh, the picture I chose of Caroline to do for this list is hilarious because it's so mom. Okay, so number one, I put Joyce, and it's not like a spoiler because the way the list works is you start with number one. And then I put Kyle Richards is number two. Anything. Yeah. I think that's good, right? The child Richards. Well, I mean, it's just like people with the most hair. Yeah. Well, no, but people love her hair. You know, they love her hair. That's because it's so fucking long. You know, who doesn't love her hair? Whoever has to clean her shower. Yeah, Mauricio. Mauricio. Yeah. I mean, it's like fuck, like fuck you, babe. I'm going to, I'm so for, I'm going to skip number three. I'll get back to number three. So number four, I said, with Lisa Vanderpump. So we have a strong, strong presence with the Beverly Hills women here. Lisa Vanderpump has sexy hair. She does. The way I described it in the article is that it's like an homage to Kelly Lebrock, but in a good way. Like, if not in a dated way, it's like the way that made Kelly Lebrock look sexy in the 80s is the way it makes Lisa look sexy. I put for number five Cynthia Bailey because she looks, I mean, Cynthia. Yeah, Cynthia's got great hair. She's great. She's beautiful. Number six, I actually put down Alexia. Well, you know, Peter, Peter, love my hair. You don't like Alexis here. Oh man, the change over from summer to fall has been so lovely. I love fall clothes and it's so nice getting an upgrade from my regular old dusty hoodie to something brand new and stylish from Quince. I know this is like layering season and I am ready for a beautiful, beautiful sweater. Quince offers affordable, high quality essentials for any wardrobe. I just got the most adorable casual jacket, which I'm going to use more than anything else in my wardrobe from Quince. I mean, I look adorable and you look like I can't even oversell this. I look adorable in this thing. You do. And I honestly like their fall sweaters. I'm loving the color palette they have for them. They're just like very subtle, like a lot of stones and beges. It's really my vibe for fall 2024. Upgrade your wardrobe with pizzas made to last with Quince. Go to quince.com/crapins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's qu-i-n-c-e.com/crapins to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/crapins. Etsy knows these aren't the sounds of holiday gifting. Oh. Or. Okay. Thank you. Well, they're not the sounds you're hoping for. You want squeals of delight like this. Ooh. And spontaneously written songs of joy. I am so happy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. To get those, make everyone on your list feel heard with gifts like personalized jewelry, custom artwork, vintage pieces, and home decor for original gifts that say I get you. Etsy has it. Oh, we lost. We lost Rani. He's cutting out. I missed a good Lexia thing. No, no, you're back. You're back. It's like all my hair. Well, you know, Peter, Peter loves my hair. Peter loves my hair. The first thing that happened when Frankie was in an accident, Peter came into my bed and he played with my hair. Like, oh, well, you know, he's an artist, you know. It was heartbreaking. Yeah. Well, you know, Peter, he like put a tattoo of my hair on his body. So it looks like he has blonde chest hair, but it's really a tattoo of my hair. Because you know, he's an artist. For number seven, I put Kenya, because she got a good weave going on. And then I have Kelly Ben Simone as number eight, like her hair. Uh-huh. She is. I don't know. I mean, Ben, you're really fagging out at this point. Well, what else am I supposed to do? What else? The topic is bad hair. There's a lot of hair talk. I have not noticed that much hair. I mean, that makes me the butch one in this group. I don't listen. I don't know. I don't know. Okay. I have to say, I've only noticed probably about like four haircuts, but when you have to sit and make a list about hair, then you notice the hair. Oh, my gosh. Anyway, it's time that we just got real jobs. Okay. Right. Well, this has a real job, sadly. Um, okay. But the point is this number three. I put for number three for best hair. Miss Gina Leano. Oh, Gina. Oh, Gina, what a terrible thing to say, Ben. Gina, what a terrible thing to do, your scalp. Gina has probably made a hole in the ozone layer with all the hairspray that she's used to come out of hair. And I would agree, it's lovely. Nice big quaff. It's just gigantic. It's like, it's like a piece of art. It's like junior late hair from the 80s. So that's the perfect transition, I think, to talk about Real Housewives of Melbourne. All right, let's talk about the Real Housewives. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. You know, um, I feel like last week we discussed about how Alex Perry, who's the host, how he had to shut down his Twitter because people thought that he was like, Hank, like on the side of the bullies and all that. And I was like, I don't know. But this episode, he was kissing Lydia and Andrew's ass so hard. This week, I was thinking the same thing. I was like, oh, now I see why people were calling him a bully because he was totally, I wouldn't say. I mean, I think bullies made the two of a word, but I could see that he was definitely on their side, which, who would do that? Didn't you read the social media before you came to do this show? Haven't you watched this show? Don't you know they're flaming cunts? Like, listen, we can argue about the word cunt and how appropriate it is or isn't to use when talking about a woman. But those two are cunts. Okay. Yeah. If you agree with the word or not, those two are a cuz I mean he went out of his way to like imbue warm characteristics on them. So like he would ask Lydia, he'd be like, so Lydia, what do you think about chairs and she'll be like, well, you know, chairs that could just sit on and he'd be like, oh, well, I think that shows. They have a wonderful sense of humor and that you really know a lot of things about chairs and interior design and architecture in general. Totally, like darling, totally agree with you. What a wonderful thing to say. Oh, you are so intelligent. I love the whole thing where they showed Lydia just being stupid because she can't speak. And she's like, well, you know, the imagination of the way that people dance. It's the way that you look through a baby's eye and you see it imagination and then it sits and then it breathes air and you think, wow, air, wow. I mean, it cannot form a sentence. It was embarrassing. It was like three minutes of solid embarrassing stupidity. And he's like, oh, darling, that was wonderful. How wonderful to see it. I just think you're adorable. He was sexist as that. He's like, you're so stupid. That's so cute. I know. I hated the way he kept on referring to Jackie as shiny. He's like, what do you say about that shiny? Like, shut up. Take the sunglasses off your stupid head. That fucking shine, shine, shine, montage was so cringe. Like, stop trying so hard. You're like fucking Heather with her shamps. I know. Well, the thing is that with this, with this reunion episode, the first like 15 or 20 minutes seemed totally random. They'd have these like quick segments. It was like general pleasantries. There was that segment with Mr. Figaro where they had like five minutes of footage of Mr. Figaro, which admittedly was very cute and funny. And then he's like, now, please welcome Mr. Figaro. And then this dog comes like ambling up onto stage, gets onto the couch, and he's like, so Figaro, what do you think about the couch? And then she was like, well, I think that what Mr. Figaro would say is that he likes it very much. He's like, well, thank you. Thank you for coming out here, Mr. Figaro. And then the dog walks away. Just like, what is it? Because the other ladies, they were calling their husbands. They're like, oh, let's bring the husband in. Oh, let's bring your husband in. And then poor Lydia is like old man who just like treats her like crap and uses her for her flaming seaward. Won't show up. Of course, a recorded message. So she has her dog, poor thing. Well, at least they didn't bring out the maid that she found out in front of her house. I thought that wasn't bad. I know. That's what I was expecting. I know. I thought it was funny when, because Figaro wasn't wearing a sweater. So Alex goes, oh, he's having some nudie time. He's having some nudie time. Well, last week, people were tweeting us and Facebooking us about how this Alex guy is straight and married. Yeah, which is so I don't know what the hell you guys have going on in Australia, but that is now two men on this show who are blatantly gay. So what is up with gay rights in Australia? Do you not have them? Are people still scared? Is it a generational thing where the older guys just aren't used to having that option? What is it? Because those two are Fegito burritos. And I'm talking about you husband to Cheeker. Well, I think you also have to include Mr. Figaro in that because there's no way that Mr. Figaro is a straight dog. Okay. He loves eating from crockery, not a plastic bucket. Well, every dog sniffs butts, but they can't suck a dick. So I don't think that it's the same kind of gay. Yeah. The other thing that I thought was funny was at one point they were talking to Janet. I think they were trying to... I don't remember why. Maybe they're asking her about why did she report the things that she heard in the bathroom. I don't know. And so she said, "Well, I was just trying to gild the lily." You know, just trying to gild the lily. And then people were like, "What does gild the lily mean?" She's like, "You know, just trying to make something nicer." I'm like, "No, that's actually not." Gilding the lily means you take something that's beautiful and you destroy it with excess. Right? So I'm like, "Janet, get your expressions right." I liked when... I'm saying... I like when they were saying something about Janet and she was... Oh, no, they were asking... Because, you know, they were attacking Gina the whole time about what a bitch Gina is. And one of the things was about Janet and she's like, "Why would Janet lie?" First of all, we've seen Janet lie about 30 times this season. So why anyone's asking why Janet would lie is blatant favoritism. But when he's like, "Why would Janet lie about that Gina?" And she's like, "Because she's old. She can't remember anything. Her memory's gone." And they're like, "Yes, well, that's true." And they're like, "What an awful thing to say, Gina." She's like, "Alex, how could you..." "Alex, can I give you my insight? Can I give you my insight?" That was an awful thing for Gina to say. Oh, awful. By the way, and I love that they continue to do that. Something that makes me so happy when we podcast is when we pick up on a small thing and we make a joke about it for half the podcast. And then I sometimes wonder if people think it's as funny as we think it is, but then when you see that joke come to fruition in the next show, you're like, "Yes!" Yes, because they just kept it going the whole time and everything she said. Oh, how could you? Why would you say that, Gina? I mean, that whole argument about her being... I mean, we've talked it to death, but I mean, I guess they have you, like they're still talking about... Yes, the concate. It's just so stupid. It's like, "Oh, my God, a concate." Yeah, concate. I feel like that's what every teenager should have, and it's only unlocked when they're ready. Yeah. But, yeah, Gina went to the bathroom. I honestly don't think she thought she was being taped. So she's thinking she can say the F word and call everyone "consoness" in that. Thinking it's not going to be on camera, and that's why when she's saying, "Well, yeah, I would never say that to somebody because it's demeaning and it hurts her feelings." And they're like, "But you did say," and she's like, "Yeah, but I would never say it to her face." And they're like, "Oh, well, that makes it better." It does make it better. What does it make it better? Gina did herself no favors. You know, as an attorney, she really made a bad case for herself because what she needed to say was, you know, one thing if I said that I walked in and said, "You're a cunt." That's like aggressive and rude, but if I'm pissed off out of anger and she did say this, you know, and I say to someone what I think is private, like, you know what, she's kind of like a cunt for what she's doing right now. That's fine. Where Gina really got herself messed up was when she denied that she said cunt, and then they played the clip, and then she said, "Oh, I never called you a cunt. I said I'm going to call you a cunt, but I never did call you a cunt." Which was, that was honestly piss poor. And then Alex, this is also true. That is what she said when she was in the bathroom. She says, "I'm going to go up to Lydia and say you're a cunt. Why would you do that?" Right. But then the funny thing though was that Alex was like, "Well then, let's watch the rest of the clip, huh?" And then they showed the whole clip and she's like, "Yeah, Lydia's a cunt. Lydia's a cunt." So she calls her a cunt many, many times. And it was funny because Gina was so stuck, but Gina's fault is that she needs to show a little bit of culpability, you know. Yeah. She has just admitted, I mean, who cares? You called her a cunt. All you have to say is, "Look, I called you a cunt because you're starting all this trouble with all these women for no reason with me." And how do you think it feels when I show up thinking I'm going to be at a friendly dinner and everybody suddenly gets me because of stuff that you told them. Yeah. That's not cool. I'm sorry I called you a cunt, but honestly, that's how I felt at the time. That's what she is. It's fucking sensitive. And it's not being sensitive about me saying that you married your husband for money when you obviously did. No one marries a guy with hairy tits down to his knees because they get a fucking boner for him. Hey, bitch. Yeah, please. Oh, Ronnie, what a terrible thing to say. That's right. Because I'm a cunt. Oh, awful. Okay. And I will wear it like a jersey. Excuse me, but you are just awful, awful, Ronnie. What an awful thing to say. How could you, Jean? Oh, Gina. Gina. Gina. I love when, I love her when Gina, but just, she just like shuts it all down. We'd be like, you're an absolutely hideous human being. Can we go back to how stupid Jackie is? Okay. Look, we don't give Jackie enough shit on the show because I kind of liked it. She's confident and she's kooky and she doesn't give a crap. Like, I've enjoyed watching her on the show, but she is so full of shit and she really got on my nerves in this reunion part two. Most of all that shine, shine, shine thing is always annoyed me, but seeing the montage of it really pissed me off. Stop trying to make shine, shine, shine, shine happen. Okay. Yeah. Second, with her psychic, first, okay. First of all, and second of all, and third of all, fourth of all. She called people cunts too. So what's the different? Yeah. So she can say it, but because she said she was sorry, it's okay. Right. It's not okay. You're still fucking said, you're sorry. The whole thing. You still say, so anyway, her when Ben came on and Alex is like, well, don't you think you look a little bit, you know, do you mind being called a rock star? And he's like, well, you know, I don't like being, I don't like talking about money. You know, that's not just, that's just not me. And I really don't like it. And he's a really cool guy. But of course, that's all his wife does is talk about how much money he has, how much money he's spending on every little thing. And she looks like a total shallow idiot. And then she got, you know, and Alex is kind of hinting at that. And then she goes, oh, well, let's not forget, I'll make my own money. Yeah. Oh shit, you make your own money. Please, what do you get? $20 for a reading every couple of months at a party? No, honey, you do not make your own money. I don't believe it. And then she refuses to see the person again for two years. Isn't that what you said? So I don't know. She makes money. It is. That's none of that is true. I think that's how she's explaining away the fact that she's not working because she can only see a customer's every two years because you shouldn't rely on a psychic for your life. What kind of business person is that? Of course, you should be relying on me for your life. You need me or you can't live. That's how you earn your own money. I do not believe her that she earns her own money. That's bullshit. Absolutely not. Why is her husband always having to buy her things? Well, I think, yeah, I mean, Jackie was being annoying. I mean, I sort of understood her point, which was to say, like, look, you came down on me so hard for saying cunt. And then here you go and you're saying it and you are not sort of owning up to it. So I understood her frustration with that to be totally honest. But I still thought, Gina, I don't know, I understood why Gina used the C word. I understood why she was so angry. Well, when did, I don't remember Jackie saying the C word. Yeah, I don't remember that either. I missed an episode or two in the beginning of the season, so maybe it happened then. I watched them all and I don't remember her saying that. So I'm not sure, like, did she call Gina that? I didn't get that part of the fight. Someone will tell us in the comments, I'm sure, because I feel stupid for missing it. But I think Gina was just saying, yeah, but I'm saying it in the bathroom when I don't think I'm being miked or whatever. And I'm not making excuses. I think that's what she really thinks. But yeah, I agree with you. She just needs to say, yeah, I was wrong for calling you a cunt, but maybe you should stop acting like a cunt. Because people have more respect if you just stand by, you know, everyone doesn't have to be so PC all the time. If you're going to be the kind of person who calls people to kind of just own it, like we do. Yeah, I agree. And you know, Janet may have actually had a point when she said the thing is with Gina is that since she's a lawyer, she's like afraid to have anything definitive on record. So she may have a point to that, but I agree. Gina, you know, everyone's on Gina's side, the public is on her side. I don't know if she's aware of that or she was at the time, but all she had to do was just sort of own up to it and been like, you know what, I did call you a cunt because you guys were being awful to me. Yeah, I know. She used to act a little bit more like a victim and less defensive. Yeah. But, you know, you live and you learn. There's always season two. One of my favorite lines was Lydia's, "Why are you so obsessed with me and how I have to wash my vagina?" Hey, you know what I call a vagina? I call it a thing that women I give birth through. Oh, Andrea was just trying so hard. Oh, the best part was when Gina said something like, "Oh, well, you know, you guys were saying something behind my back." And Andrea goes, "We've never said anything behind your back." Oh, my God. What, bitch, please, are you crazy? Jackie is physically sick. Oh, I put Jackie is probably is physically sick and has to leave probably from her own terrible drink. I know, probably from the espresso martini that Alex Perry was like, "Well, I don't drink." But that tastes lovely. And I would totally drink it if I could. I would totally break my sobriety just so I could drink that piece of shit because you said wonderful, shiny and shiny. I also have to say I love Chica in this because, you know, they call her Saint Chica and they make fun of her. And normally those are the people in the housewives you don't like, like the ones that refuse to get involved and blah, blah, blah. A, that was Adrian Malous for a season, so let's not count Chica out just yet. And second, I really like that Chica has no problem saying what she feels when she's asked. Like when he said, she's like, "You know what? I get that people have points here and there, but this nitpicking is disgusting. It's just like dog piling, it's gross. I would make my kids if they did it." Yeah, everyone just like shut up for a second and looked away from her like it was the ultimate betrayal. Yeah, I like that she's like, she's like, "Quite honestly, I just really like to leave." She's like, "I think it's just disgusting and I think we should all be embarrassed. I'd like to leave right now." Yeah, this is time I could be spending time with my husband having dinner. We never get to have dinner together. Maybe he'll rent out the mall or something and we can walk through it together like we used to when we were teenagers. My husband, I have to leave this reunion soon because my husband rented out the theater for Phantom of the Opera. We're gonna go watch it. He knows all the lyrics. He's gonna sing Christine's part along with it. His big mission in life is to do a sing along Phantom of the Opera. He's been back to Sydney and Melbourne. He's actually rented out the movie theater but we've had the first few rows removed so the actual cast of Phantom of the Opera, the musical on Broadway, can come perform in front of the film. We've actually lost $2 million over the past three years because my husband keeps buying chandeliers and dropping them from the ceiling. And not to mention all those gold chairs that we've lost. Right when I get the chair set up in a perfect way, here comes the chandelier to break everything. My little-known fact about my husband, he's actually built a little lake under our house and he goes paddling around in a boat late at night, singing the songs. Little do you know about my husband, he's asked me when I've died to crush half of his face in and put a half a mask over it. My husband just loves playing the organ, he loves to sing along to organ music. So stupid. I am going to miss the real housewives of Melbourne. I love this show, what a wonderful show you'll put on for us. So wonderful. Well, when does season two airing already in Melbourne? I'm not sure, but I see there's a lot of press already for it. I wonder how long it will take for it to get to Bravo. I wish they would just put it on Bravo and start fucking around. Put it in primetime on Bravo so we can talk about it on this show without people being like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I wish so too. Well, that's why I put Gina in that list of best here, because I wanted to raise awareness for Real Housewives of Melbourne. Well, why don't I put the Real Housewives of Vancouver, I hear that one's great, but I've never watched it. That one is the meanest one out of all of them. That one is really hard to watch. They've got a couple of women on there who are just satanic. Wow. I mean, they're horrible, horrible women. They're really, really vile, gross, disgusting people. And I got cancelled. Oh, good. One of them, I think their daughters, one of their daughters, right, was in some awful clothes. Oh God, she was a horrible bitch too, and she was dating like some gangster and got shot in a drive by, but she's alive. OK, no. Thank God for small favors, I guess. But she also, one of the housewives fucked her. So one of the housewives got in a fight with the other housewife, and so she got her daughter drunk at a party in fucked her. Like, actually, like, had sex with her? Yes. What? Yeah, that show is so juicy, but it's really, really, really mean. Is that why I cancelled, because it's too mean-spirited? I don't know. I couldn't even make it through. I started watching the second. I don't even think I finished the first season, actually, because I don't remember the reunion. It was too much. Wow. And that says a lot, because I love me some mean humor, but it wasn't even humor. It was just gross. Wow. Wow. Yeah, so fuck that show. Fuck it. Fuck those two mean women too. Ronnie was one of them, and the numerology just has content in it. I think that's numerology just means content. And what's the other one's name, Ronnie, and, I don't know, Blond, Blond Evil whore, dried up whore. Anyway, glad that was gone. By Vancouver. So what else? Below Dick. Below Dick. Below Dick. Below Dick. So here's the thing with Below Dick this week. We were led to believe that the charter guests were- the primary guy was this, like, asshole, like, this total asshole. He's this guy, young guy who made millions off of penny stocks. Very Wolf of Wall Street style. He has, like, he's 25, he has a 19-year-old girlfriend. He likes him like, like, astronomy. She likes to have quesadillas. And then he had, like, a group of guys that he was, like, teaching the ways of Wall Street. And they're learning- doing trades over their computer, and they couldn't get on the internet. And, like, the whole episode, everyone's like, "Oh, this guy's a douchebag. He's a douchebag." I don't know. I actually didn't think he was that bad. He actually seemed, like, very friendly. He was, like, "Thank you." Oh, like, that's a total douchebag. No, no. He was, like, friendly. Friendly. He was smiling. He was, like, thanking everyone. I didn't think he was- No. No. I think he fell for the editing. I think they- The only time he was douchey was at the end when he gave the tip. Then I was, like, "Oh, wait. No, this is- And that was- Even if you don't think he was douchey, the rest of the episode which he was, that was super douchey at the end. He's, like, here's a stack of $10,000, and then he rips it in half, and he's, like, "Here. You can have half of it, because the service's set." It's, like, "Fuck off, you fat douchey." Yeah, and that was- My favorite thing was when the new guy was, like, "Well, because his girlfriend was flirting with him on the deck." Yeah. He's, like, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's not with him, because he's hot, and I'm pretty sure he's not with him, because he's got a good personality, because he's a douchebag, and he was just laughing." And it's so true. It's, like, fucking assholes like that. They make their money because that's the only way that they're ever going to get pussy in their whole lives. And you know what, good for him, and good for him for getting that little 19-year-old pussy, but he's still a douche. You know, I thought the tip scene was definitely douchey. It also felt a little staged, but if you look at the other scenes, find any others. Tell me what other scene were he was being a douchebag. The internet scene, when he was complaining about not having internet in the middle of the ocean, you don't get internet in the middle of the ocean, you douche everybody. But if he were- He's ever been on a cruise. He wasn't complaining, but he wasn't solid internet. He wasn't being obnoxious about it. He's, like, "Damn it." He was, like, "No internet." He was, like, acting the way I think anyone would if they were frustrated that they couldn't get on the internet. It wasn't like- He wasn't like, "I need to speak to someone." I did- He didn't speak to somebody, he was like, "Well, we need to get this fixed, right?" No, no, no, no. If you go back, if you actually watch what he said, he was just like, "Oh, can we get this fixed?" Or, like, "What's the deal with the internet?" And then kids like, "Well, like, I don't know, we'll see what we can do when we get close to the router." And then the captain was like, "Yeah, I don't know if we have enough bandwidth." And they're like, "Okay." Like, it was never- Like, I really felt like if you actually looked at what the guy was saying and doing, he wasn't really being that douchey. I really don't think so. I thought he was- I thought he was being a total douche. Whenever you go on a boat and you're like, "Okay, I want swan ovaries and seaweed jalae." Yeah, I mean, that was douchey, but then they were like- Huge. But then Ben was like, "Oh, yeah, it's like, "Oh, sorry, mate, we couldn't find it." And then he's like, "Okay." He's like, "Well, I'm looking forward to it. Like, thanks." Yeah, and then when he got it, he's like, "You didn't follow directions." Well, no, he didn't, though. He didn't. He's like, he's like my girlfriend. He's like, "I love all the crazy shit my girlfriend doesn't." And so, Ben, here's the thing, every single episode I like Ben, but he is an asshole. He is very much like a chef artist, and he's like, "Well, I'm gonna cook the food that I want to cook. I don't care if it takes a long time or even if this is what they ask for." And then when people get mad, he's like, "Fuck them." He's like, "No, dude, there was actually a very explicit instruction. Make something simple for her, something complex for him, and just be done with it." Yeah, well, I agree that the chef is a douche as well. I'm not sticking up for him, but the customer, I thought, was a total D. I don't know. You know what it was? You know what it was? I think I felt like Bravo was trying to push this on me, like, "This guy is a douchebag." And I'm like, "You know, I'm gonna come to my own conclusion." And I feel like I was not willing to accept that he was a douche just because he was from Wall Street. Well, we also come from different places because I was a waiter for so long, and you're not. So like, you're someone who's been served probably a lot more than me, and I'm someone who's probably served a lot more, like you would look at it more like, "Well, I mean, the guy is paying, like, hundreds of thousands of dollars," or whatever. So if he's asking for internet and some crazy food, who cares, like, that's totally within his rights, he's paying for it, which I can see. But I'm seeing it from the service standpoint, where you just come on and act better than everybody else and try and impress everybody by your stupid, crappy food choices and your 19-year-old girlfriend that you bought off fucking Craigslist and, like, these douchebags that you're making where are uniformed to follow you or when I give some seminar that are probably paying you thousands of dollars, and if you had so much money, then why are you needing to have some seminar for these kids? I don't know. There's just something fishy about that guy that he's just screamed phony douche to me. Yeah. I mean, that's true. I mean, the arriving in the helicopter was douchey. The t-shirts? You were gracious at all. The t-shirts were douchey. I also didn't like... Right, too hard to make everybody think he's something he's obviously not. I also didn't like how, when he was leaving, he told everyone, he's like, "Yeah, you know, if you get involved in Wall Street, you won't be making just, like, $1,200. They'll talk about, like, thousands of dollars." I was like, "That's really obnoxious to tell, like, the people, like, that are working, like, on their hands, their knees, serving you." I thought that was obnoxious. Yeah. It's like, you don't always have to be made. You can do it, too. Just make an effort in life, guys. Yeah. Come on. But overall, I don't know. I didn't think he was appreciative. And also, that's so fucking not true with the stock market. Like, "Oh, all you have to do is learn how to trade, and you'll be rich." Bullshit, dude. Look at the history of just the past decade. I mean, I get that you're only 25, but come on, man. Like, pay attention. Yeah. Yeah. I... Any on the fucking stock market, my ass. Yeah. I mean, I'm not an angel, but I just didn't think he was as douchey as... I felt like there was a lot of... They were telling me a lot that he was a douche, but I wasn't seeing it always. Yeah. He was a douche. Just like... Thumbs down. Meanwhile, Kelly and Janisse went on their date, which was, um... Awkward! The most exciting part was when the waiter dropped her pudding. I was like, "Oh." That girl needed to ask for a pitcher of water, because bitch is thirsty. That girl is so desperate. I've never seen a girl this desperate. Well, that's not true. I watched Bravo. But that girl is desperate. It's like, one minute she won't give him the time of day because he has all these issues. And then the next minute, she's like, "Oh, my God. You don't get to choose who you're... You have feelings for. You only have a choice about how you react to those feelings. And the first time you told me you had feelings, I didn't react very well." Yeah, 'cause you had a boyfriend and then you got dumped and now suddenly you're in love with Kelly. Get out of here. Get out of here. Jenny is short and plain. Oh. Plain and short. Plain and short. Plain and short. Right? Yeah, yeah. She's plain and short. That's exactly what she is. I also liked how Amy and Kate still hate each other. And I liked how when they're having this dinner and they're like, "You know, we've had ups and downs. We're all one big family." And Kate's like, "Yes, although I have learned that I will never, ever, ever work again with Amy." She's like, "Well, likewise." And he's like, "Lackwise, I just don't understand your management sound." And Kate's like, "Yes, that's very clear. You don't understand it." I love how bitchy Kate is. Well, it was such a funny setup because the chef, for no reason at all, I don't know if he's trying to get some twangy twat or what, but he's like, "Well, I've decided that you are going to be the head steal for this dinner because I think it's your time to shine, darling." And so she's like, "Okay." So he basically gives Kate's job to this chick for no reason. And she's like, "You know, it made Kate jealous and, you know, it would have been funny if Kate, I mean, it would have been better if Kate could control herself and be above it, but, you know, that wouldn't make for a bravo show. It was funny that she got so gel. Yeah. I love what she gets jealous. Yeah, I love her snobby personality. I think it's hilarious. And I loved her whole thing about personalities are like fonts. I am Times New Roman, classic, solid, strong, and she's more like Comic Sans. Yeah. Fun, cheery, no one pays too much attention to it. What font are you in? I think that my fonts, gosh, I don't know, I don't know what sort of font I may be Bauhaus, I don't know. Bauhaus. I think I would be wingedings. Yeah. Well, could you say someone was wingedings? Isn't cat wingedings? Oh, does she say that? Yeah, cats wingedings. I would probably be wingedings or like Angela's hand or like one of those. It just looks like really bad handwriting. You're like, oh, can't even write. I liked that she said that Janice was papyrus, which is like from an ancient land. That was so funny and random. Like whoever mentions papyrus, that's like one of those fonts you just never, ever, ever use. You'd probably be curry or new. I feel like I'd be like zapped chancery or something. I would like to be Helvetica, but I'm probably Geneva, the one that's like not like, it looks like it should be like Helvetica, but it's not and you can tell the difference and it's like worse. No, I would be impact like I'm too loud and like there's no reason to be this thick. I think I'd be a fan where you could fit a lot of letters into a small amount of space because I talk so much. I would not be choreoric because that's like mono space. I would have to be like one of those like ultra condensed fonts like the cowboy font, like the cowboy saloon font. Oh, Lord. Okay. What else happened on this stupid below deck? Okay. I'm kind of worried. Well, I guess I was kind of where I wrote this in my notes, but then my worry-ness, my worry-ness. God, I'm starting to talk with these people. I was worried, but that all went away because I thought, God, below deck is ending next week. Jersey is ending soon. What are we going to do? And then I saw the preview for Vanderpump rules. Oh, yes. Tucked at the end of the podcast. How could we forget? Oh my God. Really? Really? Seriously? Seriously. Another show about waiters, which, you know, normally I don't like, but now I'm sucked into all these waiter stories. I love this show now and I cannot wait for to come back. The big headline here, Jax is fat. Now I read that that you put that on our Facebook page. But is he fat or is he just completely righted out now to the point where he's not recognized? His face is fat. At the very least, his face is fat. I think he's getting fillers and he's like, righted out. He looks like gorga. He probably is. He's probably roided out. I don't think he has fillers. Why does he doesn't need fillers? Yes, he does. Because his jaw goes out so much. Well, no, I mean, he's in his late 30 or he's in his mid to late 30s and he's trying to look like he's 20. So I mean, everybody on this show goes way too young to start going to the doctor way to you. Look at she looks crazy. There is a point in this where she's yelling at somebody and I wrote a recap of the preview on TrashTalkTV.com plug to go read it because it's really funny, but I paused on accident on her face and it was horrifying. Yeah. I'm trying to look up who I compared it to. It was like Julianna Rancic got beat up with like another hideous, oh, it's just a hideous Botox crazy face. Yeah. And she's so young. Why are you doing that? I've seen her over there, sir, and she looks so young and pretty. She does not need to be doing that to herself. She looks great. Great. It's terrible. It's terrible. By the way, I just did a search for Jackson and says Vanderpump rule star Jack Taylor's personal life is in quote unquote shambles like no shit Sherlock he like never not. I know he sticks his dick into every available hole that there is and he does like he snorts anything that he can find on a countertop. Of course, his personal life is in shambles. Oh my god. And those new girls he's dating. Oh, he ran out of all the cute ones. Yeah. Not less. I'm sorry girls. That's not very nice, but. And he's still treating them like crap to and I love that even the homely girls are acting like sassy. They're like, oh, you think I'm just going to follow you around? Well, like, well, yeah, I think he did. I think he's just trying to find one submissive girl, but he just can't do it. He loves those bitches, whether they're cute or not. I am so excited for this season. It just looks like another crazy round at the circus. I mean, these people are so vapid and evil that they're like, I have a hard time believing that we could get a Doug season. I mean, like, although it will be hard to top this past season because the amount of lying and backstabbing that happened, it was like, just so off the charts. Well, it looks like it's this year too, because they have an entire montage of people calling each other bitch and whore and terrible friends. And then the guys are all cheating on their girl. Every single one of them is cheating even a non horse face, Kristen, Katie or wait. Katie Katie. Yeah. Yeah. On horse face. Yeah. Even her boyfriend cheats. It looks like. You know, he made it, he made it into the credits this year. The other time. Yeah, I know. And then they showed him having an interview with Lisa and he's like, I'll do whatever it takes. And she's like, well, you don't have what it takes. That's the problem. I mean, Lisa, what does it take exactly to pour a fucking drink into a cup? Come on, lady. Like, give me a break. What are you sending these people to college first? Come on. Yeah. By the way, I'm looking at pictures of Jack's while we speak. I'm trying to find a good one of him. So I found a picture on his Twitter of, it's him with Tom and they're in Australia. And Jack's does indeed look kind of fat and Tom looks like he's in Deagon and Sarah. He looks like he's what? He looks like he's in Deagon and Sarah. You know that? Well, I just looked up Jack's Vanderpump rules fat and I don't see any fat pictures of him. I see a lot of scary face, facial pictures of him. Let's go to his Twitter and look, you'll see. Yeah, total fillers. Oh my goodness. Wait, I'm going to his Instagram now. This is important. Oh, girl. Important stuff. This is very important stuff. What's his last name? Jack's. Jack's Taylor. I mean, he's not, obviously he's not fat. When we say he's fat, he's obviously not fat, but just compared, like he's clearly like filled out compared to the way he used to look. I mean, there's a picture from a week ago with him, his shirt is off and he's clearly not fat at all. But you know, he's definitely thicker for sure. Oh my God, his main picture on Instagram is a meme that says, I give a fuck. I give lots of facts, actually. I'm a prostitute of feelings. Oh my God. What does that even mean? I'm a prostitute of feelings. You sell feelings, Jack. Seriously? You fucking idiot. Seriously? I can't wait to see how super he is. Seriously. Seriously. Seriously. Really? Seriously? Really? Seriously. He's not looking good, I have to say. I don't think he's looking good. He's not letting himself age properly. This is the thing that happens in LA. Everybody starts filling themselves up and injecting themselves with shit that just makes him look cray cray. Stop at everybody. Jack's are gorgeous. Just age naturally. Just stop eating like everybody else and age for Christ's sake. Stacey's still a totally evil little twat. Can't wait to see her. Kristen looks like she might finally get fired. And also it looks like Kristen beats the crap out of Tom Sandoval. Oh, good. And then he's crying in like a selfie video. He's like, "Yes, yes, I love that. I'm sorry." I'm looking right now. I'm on. So I'm still on Jack's Instagram and there's a picture. It says, "Australian tour 2014, Jack's in Tom." And I'm just laughing because I thought that they hated each other now. It's like, "You're supposed to be the man, you're supposed to be my bro, man." I'm like, "What happened to that, Jack?" Oh, you're asking a preview and Jack's is like, "I just keep fucking things up." And he's like, "You got to stop fucking things up, man." Some of the deep thoughts from Vanderpump Rules. Because Jack tells Katie that her boyfriend cheated in Vegas or whatever. When someone on our Facebook had a really good question, why are these people letting their boyfriends go to Vegas? Yeah. Why are they still with their boyfriends, actually? That's even even better. How do these people still have jobs and why are they still waiters? I love that this show just pays them enough so they can never stop being waiters. They're like, "You can lease a new car." But you're still going to be a waiter, okay. Oh, here's some evidence for him being fat. He has a meme that says, "I hate when I think I'm buying organic vegetables and when I get home I discover they're just regular donuts." That's a fat meme. Oh, and here's another one about his bad breath. "I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can't have any more food and I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment." Yeah. Oh, Jack. The pictures on his Instagram, if you look at them, the shirtless ones show that he's not fat at all. He has rotted out a little bit. But the pictures when he has a shirt on, he looks fat. It's amazing. If you look from some of them three weeks ago, it's his fillers, because I agree to. It's his side fillers, yeah. I think, and you know what, the best part is he would never admit that he got fillers because he lies. But I think if anyone... The lie about it while he's sitting there on camera getting fillers. Yeah. I think anyone who's bored should actually go to his Instagram because it's really funny to watch because it is... I love filling my time with stupid investigations like, "Is this person fat or not fat?" And the... Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Big time filler situation going on. Wow. I really see it from three weeks ago. This is really fascinating. People, you should look at this Instagram, but don't follow it because you might get something. Yeah, he puts like passive aggressive memes up, like, "Not everyone who is for you is for you. Someone a closer look, hoping you fall. Some are looking out for themselves." It's like he puts that up like the day he gets in a fight with somebody, you know? He has one that says, "Dear haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at. Just wait. Shut up." Oh, and then it says, "Haters, people who view your profile the most and not like anything." That's us! We're doing it, Ben. He's this sort of person. He put up a picture of a shoe. Oh, no. He says, "New at Excalibur brand, check them out, the Jax Taylor collection." He put a picture up of his cheap looking shoe. On September 11th, I might add, shame on him. He has tons of memes up. Oh, you know, I hate Instagram accounts where there's like nothing but text. It's for photos, Jax, you're a model, put up more pictures of yourself. Oh, that is so funny. You must fall in love with what you do because being an entrepreneur is a lot of hard work and overcoming a lot of adversity from that love will come the dedication that will get you out of bed at 4 a.m. because of a great idea you just had, get you to work at 11 p.m. and not feel tired. Okay, when have you ever woken up at 4 a.m. to work on anything and what is your business sweater, man? Get out of here. Yeah. Here's another one that he has. This is text that's written over an image of a slice of toast with peanut butter on it. He says, "If someone ever tells you that you're putting too much peanut butter on your bread, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life." So profound. And then his comment is, "Very true, space three exclamation points." I want to find some more memes of his that he likes. The man who does more than he is paid for will soon be paid for more than he does, man. Oh my god. This is really fun, actually. Then he's got a whole, he's got a picture of just Oreos. Those people want a perfect relationship. I just want a hamburger that looks like the ones in commercials. Wow, so I'm actually liking Jack's more because he has an eating disorder. I think I could actually hang out with him and Lauren Manzo and we'd have a fun night together and end it with fries covered in cheese and meat. He has a picture up of three different hair things and he goes, "For those of you who've been asking, these are the top hair products that I like to use, #mysociety." He's spelled it my society. Funny. I mean, he has one that says, "This is by Kanye West," which is awesome. Next time someone says to you, "If I were you," stop them and say, "Well, you aren't." Oh my god, Kanye. Here's one, here's a little piece of knowledge for everyone from the Jack Taylor meme collection. When things don't happen right away, just remember it takes six months to build a Rolls Royce and 13 hours to build a Toyota. Wow, this was really fun, actually. Can we just see this every day, just look at people's Instagrams? Of course not everyone has memes like this. Yeah, let's see. Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering and doubting, have faith that things will work out, maybe not how you plan, but just how it's meant to be. And his comment on that is a little rectangle that indicates you use a character that cannot be seen on proper browsers. Love it. Actually, some of these really make me like him more. Eating disorder ones, totally into, and oh my god, I have to post one on my Instagram today of Taylor's sandwich on the subway commercials. That is the funniest thing I've ever seen, is that skinny ass anorexic Taylor Swift standing next to a giant subway sandwich on the posters. Oh, I haven't seen that. You're not going to get people to stop telling you to eat a sandwich if you're doing subway ads, Taylor. Oh shit, stop the presses, by the way. He has a TBT from about three months ago, from one of his first photo shoots, and he, I mean, Jack's back then, whoa, he was smoking hot, wow, he definitely went downhill. I told you, I met him in a commercial class like 10 years ago and almost fell down when I saw him. Cause I remember. The whole class was like dripping. There was drool dripping. I mean, I see why he's a total whore. The guy is fucking beautiful, but no, not aging well. No, I mean, I remember, and I said this before in the podcast, you know, I remember seeing him at the gym and other places around, I'd be like, that guy is so hot, but the way he looked in this picture was unlike any time I've ever seen Jack's, he was really, really, really hot. Oh, now I feel like we're calling him ugly and he's so handsome. Well, you just stop ruining yourself, Jack is so cute. Yeah. Don't listen to us. He is home. He still is handsome. Like, don't get it wrong. We're talking about, we're talking about Jack standards. When we say he's looking bad, it's on the Jack standard. It's not on the human standards. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Good. Yeah. Yeah. There's like a handicap. You know, the thing with Jack's, what's funny is that like, I feel like if you, if you were here, he'd probably be like cool and fun. Like he's probably like a really chill, nice guy to talk to and everything. But you know, he's just like terrible. You know? Yeah. He's like just fucking his best friends, girlfriends. Yeah. And then like not being apologetic about it. But he makes this show fun. I mean, really, if you think about it, the first season he made fun because he lied the entire time about cheating. And then at the end, we find out it was a lie. And then the second season was totally fun because he lied the whole season about fucking Kristen and then we find out that it was true. Right. You guys have made every season of the show and pretty much every episode too because then he calls other people out on their lives secretly. Yeah. I mean, if Jack's wasn't on the show, no one would ever be mad at each other. He's like the only person who spreads to accept the girls would be awful to each other always because they're, those girls can't even be nice to their best friends. It's like, how do you do that? How do you just turn against everybody that's your friend? Like don't you at least need one friend? I mean, I mean to the world, but I have like a couple of close friends that always be nice to you because I need someone on my side. I mean, Jesus, they're just evil, craven people craven. I like it. Yeah. Craven. Speaking of, I'm craving lunch. Let's wrap it up. Yeah. Let's wrap it up. So everyone, please be sure to come to watch what crappins.com and you can find links to all our social media, which is super fun, Facebook.com forward slash watch for crappins. That's where we have a great Facebook community of people, of course, or people. If they weren't people, they'd be very strange. A lot of robots and rabbits. It is super fun. People post a lot of good things. It's really worth joining if you really want to sort of like extend the watch for crappins experience. And of course, if you really like this podcast and you like us and you just like humanity, then you will donate to us ideally on patreon, patreon.com forward slash watch for crappins. And when you donate, you can get access to our bonus episode where we talked a lot of gossip today. We talked about Phaedra's divorce and we talked about, we talked about Ebola, we talked about everything. You get to hear that. You pay, if you donate, you can also maybe get access to a Google Hangout ringtones. It's really cool. And like we said, if you get $1,000, we'll do two episodes of Watch for Crappins a week. So anyway, that's it. Thanks everyone for listening. Thanks, Ronnie, for being here. Thank you. Yeah, that was fun times, everybody. And everyone, have a great one. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the side show network have watched a new YouTube channel called Wait for It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, I've been driving friends with it for 10 years, one of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer, just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. The insurance company that's spurned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting Geico. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. 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