So much glorious junk on Bravo this week. Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) take on everything: first, it's overspending on "Married to Medicine." Then Mama Joyce goes goes even further off the deep end on "Real Housewives of Atlanta: Kandi's Wedding."
On "Real Housewives of Orange County," Tamra bites the cold, condescending hand that feeds her, and on "Ladies of London," Americans don fake accents and pretend not to be social climbers.
Finally, on "Real Housewives of New York," LuAnn takes on Aviva while Ramona plays detective and attempts to get to the bottom of a menage-a-trois scandal. Chic, c'est la vie!
Along the way, there's plenty of gossip including a juicy item about Jay-Z and the most random Bravo-lebrity you can imagine. Come listen!
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That's audible.com/crapids or text "crapids" to 500-500. Don't let someone steal your great idea. Register a domain name now and put your idea online. GoDaddy is offering one new or transfer.com for the low price of $2.95. Whether you're building your dream business or starting a website for fun, visit goDaddy.com and enter the code WWC295 at checkout. Just remember that WWC is Watch For Crapids and $2.95 is the price of the domain $2.95. It's go time. Invitations apply. See website for details. Watch What Crapids. Watch What Crapids. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crapids? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crapids? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crapids. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we all love so much. I'm Ben Mandelker from beside blog.com. You can find me at beside blog on Twitter and on Instagram and on Vine even or even Pinterest. And joining me as always is my plucky and ever loving co-host Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie. Well hello Ben. Why don't you tell the kind of people where they can find you. Hi everybody. My name is Ronnie. You can find me on social media and Twitter @ronycaram or @trashtweettv which is trashtalktv.com's recap feed or you can come over and find me on Vine at Ronnie Karam or Instagram @ronycaram or @trashtalktv. Trashtalktv also has a lovely site on Tumblr where we post the newly pronounced gifs of housewives and that's trashtalktv recaps on Tumblr. Why are why are gifs called gifs now? I always thought they were called gifs. I know because the guy who made gifs, which I can't even believe I called them gifs because I feel like I'm giving in to the man, but he came out and said that it's pronounced gifs. Now I don't know how that makes sense since it stands for graphic interface faces or whatever. But that's some bullshit and I think he's just trying to fuck with people and see if he can make everybody sound stupid which is totally working because if you say gif now everybody's like isn't it pronounced Jeff? That's so annoying. That's like really a very annoying thing to do. You know pop culture decided that it's going to be called gif and that's the way it is. So now by the way everyone please like us on Facebook where you won't see any gifs there but you'll see lots of other stuff, facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins. It is such a fun Facebook page and we just hit 2,500 followers which is really cool. I'm going to say 2,500 it sounds like more which we're so happy that everyone joined. I was going to list off new people who liked it but I don't have that list ready. But everyone just please keep on contributing. If you're not liking the Facebook page you actually really are missing out. You're missing out on tons of cool links, you're missing out on really funny commentary, a lot of discussions and it just is a great way to kind of enhance your Watch What Crap and Experience. Take it to the next level. It really is. The conversations in there are so hilarious and thank you to everybody who has been there for I mean we're on like 131 now so that's a lot of hours of this shit and some of you guys have listened to every single minute of it and I can't believe you would do that to yourself. But thank you for doing it. Like sing old friends. I know and I want to give a special shout out to one of our listeners Emi Brabano who used to list her favorite quotes of the episode but now she's realized that she has many more productive things to do with her life but she's going down to the World Cup and we may never see her again so hopefully she comes back and doesn't get stuck in a favela. So good luck Emi. Yeah be ready to walk because those trains ain't running. So you know one of the great parts about this Facebook page that people post all these great links as I just mentioned and that's how we get gossip. So there are two things that I want to talk about. One is not really a very interesting story but I loved that there were at least two people who posted it on our wall and in one person emailed it directly. The bridge in Paris, the lovers lock bridge where people put little padlocks on and throw the keys on. Oh yeah. Part of it collapsed. And I love that two different people posted on our wall and we're like Kyle Richard strikes again. Yeah I'm not kidding. Well you know Fat Kyle put her fat lock on that thing and the bridge fell down. I just love that this like random sort of like this random moment from the previous season people have no pun intended latched onto it. And like the first thing to think of is oh well Kyle Richards and you know what they're absolutely right. She totally ruined it. Yeah well that lock had a lot of weight put on it. You know that whole like look my husband isn't sleeping with tranny hostesses from restaurants. He's in love with me. It was like too much pressure and it just crashed the whole bridge. Well she's probably gonna take credit for it by the way. She's gonna say well you know before Mauricio and I only a few people really put locks on that bridge and then we did it and you know we just really started a trend. You can see I'm also imagining Kim Richards going over there with like a wire hanger and be like I can't get the lock the clothes on the bridge. Kim will be like I love paying locks into the river where the bridge used to be. Just how my love for Kingsley is so deep as deep as this bridge in the water. This bendy straw doesn't lock. I'm making a trash tie around this fence so I can remember how love can be untied. It's so fleeting. Hey this pine cone doesn't have a combination lock on it. I can't put it on the bridge. Hey Julia Roberts I'm putting the pine cone on this bridge to remind us of when we work together I'm pretty wall man. So now hey to watch the Tonys I want so many things. Especially for turtles I don't like turtles I never say I like turtles I love turtles. Speaking of awkward drag queens at the Tonys you guys I know probably maybe only 10% and Ben definitely doesn't want your Tonys and I did not watch all the Tonys yet because I'm saving them but just to make sure that the video worked I pressed play and saw a clip of that doogie how's our kid playing Hedwig in the angry inch. You guys stop with this guy stop it it's not okay that was the most awkward thing I've ever seen in my life. I was expecting me to bat again please. I was already passed out by the time the Tonys were airing because I did something even gayer than watching the Tonys which is that I actually went to gay pride actually this is sort of hilarious this can be tied into bravo slightly believe it or not I'm marched in the gay pride parade this year you did. Which is pretty much like not what I'm all about but my friend she emailed me and she's like hey I'm with NBCU do you want to walk with us I thought you know why the hell not there's no harm I'll just walk you know I get there and she's like oh by the way we're dancing and I'm like what we're dancing and this guy who works for NBCU has the gayest choreography you can even imagine it was like drag queen voguing like it was like the sort of thing that Miss Lawrence would have been like damn like that's like the blind ambition tour. Yeah it was honestly mortifying and then I finally got out of the dancing and they're like well you can hold up a sign I'm like great and they put me at the very very very front of the NBCU group so I was like they had like a banner that was like NBC welcomes your pride and I was like next to the sign as if I were like an ambassador for NBC Comcast whatever and I don't even work there I just make fun of their the people on their show. That's awesome I wish I could have seen it I didn't go until my time at the end of gay pride like at 6 30 and people were so dry it was like gay zombies just that was me that was me falling down barf all over the front I mean it was embarrassing and it makes me very glad to be a shut in well you know what one of the reasons why I'm never gonna march in the parade again unless I get like put on a float with like really hot guys or something is because while I'm standing there waiting for my waiting for a group to go and then having to march all the way down this parade route I'm not getting to drink and I'm like damn it I want to drink so you know by the time I was done with it like 230 I was catching it from for last time and I think I overdid it because by like 7 30 p.m. I was like at five guys drunk and I was like barely able to see straight but I was with our friend Lisa Timmons and I saw Madison Hildebrand to bring it back to Bravo walking on the street well have I taught you nothing I carried around a flask of hundred proof smearing off I know I should have faced in two minutes I heard by the way again another Bravo tie in that they were filming at pump which is Lisa Vanderpump's new gay club they were filming and I think there was a fight between like Stasi and Kristin something something like that I don't know this is sort of like the rumors that came through the gay mail over the court of course the day as filtered through my drunk perceptions here's what I heard from gay people that's all I thought okay wait wait wait I'm sorry there is one piece of gossip I have to share this is actually my favorite piece of gossip from the week perhaps the month okay okay this comes to us among other people from Robert Pesta there is a rumor that Jay Z is cheating on Beyonce and you know and guess which Bravo star he may be cheating with George from Real Housewives of New York no how about this why don't you choose the show why don't you choose the show because you never even guess the person got girls no that's a little bit too high-minded million-year matchmaker no you have one more shot million dollar listing New York no the rumor is that Jay Z is cheating on Beyonce with one of the princesses of Long Island oh he's into chicks with strokes he's like yes broke that dick baby he's like dad help me help me daddy a dad dad Jay Z wants me to take off my heels send me a jet no he is not the rumors not with Ashley he is rumored to be cheating with Casey who was the blonde girl who was mad at Erica you know Erica who's sort of like the hottest girls and they're sure Casey was mad for 15 years that Erica had stolen her prom date so if this is true how the tables have turned that Casey who's so mad about her her lover being taken away could now become in between Jay Z and Beyonce oh good really Jay Z you know this is what I don't understand about me you know gay guys I feel like if we cheat we cheat with someone hotter you know there's like a look there's like a looks point system or whatever but straight guys I mean don't fuck a homeless lady without any tea if they're drunk enough just because she doesn't it's like the fact that she doesn't have tea is a plus and the fact that she doesn't have a cell phone and can't text their wives is a plus you know it's like gross you went from Beyonce to a toothless homeless woman and he's like yeah but my bigs you know drained bro yeah I mean you know I did some reading about this from different on different sites and I feel like the conclusion is this is such a random rumor that it almost has to be true even if it's probably put out by Casey herself yeah it's probably put out by Casey or so I mean those girls are still doing interviews for like wet paint whatever wet paint like the most amazing thing you'll never believe someone has AIDS click here and you click it and it's like Casey thinks they are might be another season of the princesses they're just waiting to hear it's like yeah this article had nothing to do with AIDS yeah why did I click on this wet paint you got me again my pain me those girls are like talking about how they're gonna get another season well I mean if if this scandal were to be true I guarantee we'd get another season I guarantee it funny looking funny looking yeah how could you call some funny looking that it's a most disrespectful thing I've ever heard dad help me because of the plane to get me from brunch help me what was the name of the really Jewish one should be like she'll home or I want to say she'll own more of Eva and I know it's neither of those things Chanel's sent out Chanel yeah Chanel yeah Chanel she's like going to the rabbi dear rabbi I hear that Casey is with Jay Z and I just want to know when I will find someone I can't even find someone else's husband you know Bab's is like oh you gotta bring Jay Z over to the store I gotta give him a drink hanky hey Jay Z I made a seat for you to sit on it looks just like my face hey Jay Z I made you a salad with some wishbone dressing by the way I would totally watch the Jay Z episode of princesses Long Island so who's who's Beyonce gonna tell you wishbone dressing that is so hilarious I remember going it drove me nuts I was like I can't believe this bitch put out wishbone dressing on the table they're recording on national TV dress y'all salad or put it in some sort of gravy train I went here to getting married Hey Ching Z and Casey you guys can go on a double date with Amanda and Jeff that what is the Z stand for does it stand for Zelling that's one of my favorite Woody Island movies I hope it stands for Zooish cuz that's what we're looking for for my baby like I don't understand why like Jay Z is not with me I'm like one of the hottest girls in the store like I was the hottest one so like I don't understand why he's not with me I love that so I can't believe that they're not even considering bringing that show back that show was amazing I know dad help me has couches out on the front yard and I love this stupid Ashley like no matter what's brought up online it's like Ashley's responses I just had a stroke this is probably had a stroke you've had like 20 strokes this year yamid stop it this is probably where the rumor came from she probably like heard something about like Jay Z and Beyonce and she heard a stroke when she had a stroke when someone's a Beyonce and she got the syllables all mixed up and she's like what Jay Z and Casey Casey she's like did you hear that Casey released a secret album in December with no promotion everyone's downloading it sorry for it I love Casey's new song drunken love drunken love all right okay what's next what do you want to start with Ronnie well I say we should save Real Housewives of New York for last because that was just pure amazingness and we don't really have to add much to that yeah and that's all I care about let's get rid of let's get rid of married to medicine real quick okay well so come on with married to medicine what I should have did was get $50,000 to Jean to take the show off the air and then get another $10,000 that we lost $50,000 and then after that we could have driven to an NBA player's house and climbed over the fence and I'm like what's my house I blocked the mood the lose $50,000 I love yeah no one's in the mood who'd you give $50,000 to you dumb hoe I know I think it's like I think she actually gave $50,000 to the Monopoly man you know she went into like a Toys R Us found a Monopoly man $50,000 he's like no I'll give you $50,000 I love also she's like I can't I can't lose this house I don't bought I had bought the furniture for it I'm like a stupid idiot that's why you don't buy furniture until you move into the house she didn't buy furniture she bought a coffee table book like off a table book is going to serve as the coffee table too it's like side felt so yeah Toya and Eugene lost $50,000 because they couldn't get there alone to go through which is super shady so that's what happened with them well it's because he has way too much money and the bank doesn't know what to do with him don't forget that oh yeah yeah they don't know it's like we'll see like a democracy one doctor or is he like his own private contractor but banks like he's got so much money yeah he's got so much money that banks like whoa what I should have did was I should have came to the bank and then like oh Eugene's a he's a pilot with the Air Force and then they'll be like okay here's a hundred thousand dollars I had done that he'd give them $50,000 what I should do that what I should did was go to the drug cuz I've been like hey can I get a loan for like $75,000 for Eugene four things so then she finds a rental yeah that some like NBA guy and so she's all excited because it has a gate in front of it so now they're not gonna own anything they're just gonna rent a house way out of their price range which means I'll never buy anything and they're gonna go totally broke by and she won and I hope this show is on the air long enough just so I can see that bitch go broke oh yeah and obviously she's only excited about the house because it belonged to an NBA star yeah it's like congratulations you got Christian Leitner's house yeah congrats they're gonna have a humongous toilet in there okay and also I like to think that whole time was Melissa writing her a note like on top of a box of sugar cookies it says congrats on your used house that's true that's true um Heavenly did nothing but her daughter once again proved to be the smartest one on the show and then the other thing was Dr. Simone decided to have a date night which is one of my least favorite things on these shows when they have a date night or they read their vows again the only thing I liked about it is that I think Simone's kids are really cute and really like they they just seem I love them I think they look like they're very well away as children and I like seeing them on TV well I like her romantic dinner she's like this is a dinner I have made for you to show you my love how do you feel and he's like my feel like you need to stop working so damn that's like he starts the same thing it's like outcome you never what peace wrinkles off the toilet seat like wow this we're trying to have a romantic night here okay mm-hmm let's see Mariah did base I don't think Mariah was barely she'd barely even this in this area is basically being cut out of her own show yeah she is I think that's funny um and then quad she had like she had this like ridiculous fight with her husband but the husband was sort of in the right husband husband's like that people with real problems in this world of your favorite dogs are you talking about happens like they're your babies they're not your babies that's real babies in this world there's real babies who need clothes there's real babies who need to look like they're doing that it's like oh no why are you yelling first of all first of and second of all this has nothing to do with her not wanting your baby I think you need to shave down your pinhead or something to prove it can be done because nobody wants to be the mother of pinhead children well I think the hilarious thing was I think the entire fight struck because I was like you can call them Carrie you can call them Chloe whatever you want but do not call them dogs I'm like no fuck if you walk into the room and he had she had their names written on chalkboards like she was taking score and he's like what are their names on chalkboards that's ridiculous they're not cute and the dog she's like how dare you call them dogs absolutely not absolutely not she's like you could put that dish in the washer because honey it is empty she's like yellow blue makes green honey and that's why this hit block is open for business put a bookmark in that book and put it on the shelf because I'm not open it again the expiration date on this milk is expired honey and I'm not drinking I hope you put oil in that cast iron pan because things are smoking in here I hope you have one of those fold-out sides it says wet floor because you about to sleep Ernie I hope you emptied out the ashtray because there's a cigarette button there and it better not come from your mouth I don't know why you're standing at the bus stop because this bus ain't stopping honey the only thing you better be looking at is that palm show over there because you're gonna frown in your face okay so I have to admit that her dog clothes were actually extremely adorable love them I didn't one one thing I was worried about was how the dogs pee without getting it all over two twos my cat does that work I you know I did not like a dog clothes only maybe because I'm not much of a dog person slash I'm also not that into too many small dogs there are few exceptions my friend Neil by the way has a wonderful dog named Molly and another dog named buddy and they're both small and adorable so I make exceptions for them and dead Zina was very cute and still my little ghost dead Zina walks around the house it gives me attitude and she's a very small dog ghost and she's very cute so whatever that being said some of those like one of those dogs running around with like a little frilly tutu thing and it looks ridiculous they look like they were in a costume for school play in first grade as a sunflower you know I like when she's like that dog's walking up Beverly Hills like Beverly Hills is not a street okay it's a place okay so the other thing was Lisa Nicole is having a fashion show a fashion show that has nothing to do with the cancer that I almost had oh my god and so they started casting models and this was the most racist casting session I've ever seen they were so mean to the white girls every white girl they were like gross girl oh god meanwhile the only person who's qualified to be there was Cynthia Bailey who was there as like a little Atlanta crossover there is no reason why Dwight should be there Dwight does not qualify to do anything I mean every episode he's doing something else one one episode he is like you know opening doors for people one one episode he's bringing cakes for Phaedra's baby birthday one episode he's suddenly a hairstylist I mean he's like he's like if there's anything remotely gay he suddenly is the master of it and I don't believe it and I like when he and he was like I don't like a face on eh I'm like have you seen yourself believe your facade you look ridiculous you look like an adobe house shut up I know all I wrote about Dwight was Dwight dressed like a horse that needs to be put down he literally looks like um you know like those like scary muscle car things and they have they have um gear gear shifts that have little skulls on them that's what he looks like you know stick shifts with you know like like badass people like Dwight should have that big hand over space I mean he gets like moved backwards a car goes into drive oh my god that guy is awful you know he's truly truly awful and I I don't know how he still lingers around Bravo after all these years yeah it's like there's got to be more men who dress like women in town besides the three that you guys use I know I feel so bad for the Atlantic gays that that those who represent them are Derek J Lawrence and Dwight well to be fair we don't have much better ones here that's true who do we have we have we do have Josh I like him from a million dollar listing yeah I like that guy Madison Madison's like no that guy is basically just a vagina that's basically a but hole like a vagina made out of a but hole walking around we have every single drag queen who is on RuPaul's drag race who then moves to California and then things are going to make it big by performing at Mickey's once a week oh my gosh poor Mickey's I'm like could you put the videos but oh no that's revolver like can we go watch videos now because I do not need any more of these drag queens screaming at my face also you know what what about drag queens performing how about that okay I went to this thing at the Abbey a few weeks ago or a couple weeks ago called drag queen prom drag prom okay and so everybody showed up and like dressed to the nines I call the drag queens look just so pretty I mean for drag queens and then it's so nice and stuff and then throughout the night they would just walk around and try and trick you into voting for them but they didn't ever perform or anything they just asked you for votes I mean what the hell you guys perform do something besides dress like women like they used to be you have to sing you know yeah now they're just like walk around lip syncing Katy Perry songs like anybody can do that and have the guys there dressed like women anyway so like how am I gonna vote for you I'll just vote for the blind agent guy in the corner touching the statue and dancing to Katy Perry song he went well the other thing is to that some of these drag queens don't do anything special they just they like you said they just prance around and people some of the hot glue guns some tools for michaels to a fucking dressing forever 21 and then expect you to give them money and like get out of here I'm telling you like not too long ago maybe like a month ago I was drag no pun intended drag to mikkiels on a thursday night at midnight and you know mikki's main drag night is on monday which is already not really my scene but thursday night is like the real ghetto drag night and so I got dragged the thing I was so I was so unhappy and they brought out someone who who came in like seventh place on rupaul's drag race like three years ago and people were like oh and this person just like pranced around sat like missed lots of lyrics and people threw dollars at him or her and I was like this is the most ridiculous thing I don't I just don't need to have higher standards for drag queens you know I mean remember back in the day like court song trilogy and harvey fire scene was a drag queen he's like love for sale he wasn't lip syncing he was singing like a 90 year old woman but at least you'd memorize something so how about speaking of drag queens should we go on to any other show when we go to the land to candies like way yeah mamma is wetting the only note I wrote down is mama Joyce is a cunt that's basically oh oh no that's wrong I'm sorry first of what's wrong to say cunt so I'm sorry for that but I wrote mama Joyce is a old slaggy cunt that's what I wrote sorry sorry sorry for saying cunt five times you know I don't understand how mama Joyce as deranged and as awful as she is can turn out such like a lovely person like candy you know well you know you should be so much more messed up I guess she is messed up in that she still does all these things for mama mama mama told me all sorts of weird things and like you was like not there because like I don't know like you wasn't want to hang up with me and I was like mama see how am I gonna have a daddy to show the rally rally did your daddy tell you that he that I wouldn't give you Christmas gifts from him did your daddy tell you that I wouldn't give you birthday gifts from him oh my god this show that woman is too toxic I can't even with her she is totally drenched this week she said she kept repeating the Todd's dad was a pimp and his mom was a whole thing over and over again and then when Todd finally confronts her she's like yes I did said it and and that's what I heard on the street from the people I know on the street and I can say whatever I want you don't doubt to me honey she's like I like you I just don't like the game and then she then he's like the game he's like my dad died when I was three he's like oh it has a way of going on generations she is such I mean she is truly an awful person and we learned also that one of the reasons why candies dad wasn't around was because mama joys put out a restraining order on him and that she she claims that he had an affair because I guess Bertha and Nora got into her year whatever I don't know the truth truth of that but she claimed that she did not put out a restraining order so I want someone a judicious person to go and find the restraining order well the records are different now everything wasn't computerized then so hopefully somewhere but I mean I don't believe her she's obviously lying she lies about everything she's a crazy person she's like I didn't put a restraining order on your father I put it on your dad I wasn't restraining him with ropes I just threatened that the police would take him to jail forever if he tried to see my baby I didn't want him to take any of your money candy I wasn't restraining your dad I was restraining the game candy your daddy only wanted the quarters that you had saved up from the tooth fairy candy those are mine those are mine candy I don't like that tooth fairy I mean I like the tooth fairy but I don't like her game that tooth fairy was trying to have sex with your father and I told that bitch I heard on the street your mama was a prostitute you better get out my daughter's pillow prostitute dot this is what I heard okay I heard the tooth fairy was trying to get retired so I told the Easter Bunny why don't you go get some photos just what they're doing that's all this episode is sponsored by door dash we're back to tell you more about the latest dash pass annual plan benefit stream max with ads included at no extra cost you know what's a great night for us ordering door dash and cuddling up to watch the max original hacks which won best comedy deservedly so and we love tuning in to see not only icon jean smart but the wonderful and incomparable rose abdoo who also is a huge bravo fan listen I'm always in the mood for hacks but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for sometimes it's pizza sometimes it's a salad and I can get both with door dash how about some ice cream that's what I like to eat with my hacks a hundred percent I will double dash I will get a salad and then double dash some ice cream why not sign up for a dash pass annual plan and get max included at no extra cost it's your door to more max is now included with your dash pass annual plan stream max with ads up to 120 dollar value included at no extra cost terms apply see door dash dot com slash max for details you can live out your master chef dreams when you find a professional on angie to tackle your dream kitchen remodel connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done well inside to outside repairs to renovations get started on the angie app or visit angie.com today you can do this when you angie that one time it was Christmas and Santa Claus got back because he got so depressed about all those holes coming to see it on his lap back that tooth fairy is not used to bunny baby see that tooth fairy is just like common in fact i heard on the street that common is actually the tooth fairy okay common has sex with that tooth fairy i tried to take a picture of it but now she's not allowed in my home candy now i like common and i like the tooth fairy but i don't like that game because we all know the common is the tooth fairy is madam yeah the only reason i'm still watching this piece of shit is because i want to see Todd's mom beat the shit over next week i break her finger that's the only reason i'm watching it because next week her mom who's played by like i don't know who is she looks like somebody but i can't figure out she looks like the the dead woman from uh wearing the world's common San Diego Liz Lynn what's her face oh she does she does look like her oh my god she's told of a magnifying glass and be like here's your clue oh yes what is that woman's name i know her from the musical tin types off profit i like like drag queens are too gay now let me make a very obscure broadway reference yeah but at least those people do something more than show up and address and get dollars from it then they sing okay they do um uh i i do like i i also like by the way there were two times when they when when people on this show referred to themselves having a portion moment one was candy being like see it now how do you tell the difference between a male lion and a female lion like right how do you do that and they're like uh candy doesn't mean she's like ooh portion moment but then i like that her gay at one point was when and he's like i could be from Africa and they gave us like yeah you could be from Cape Cod everybody basically on candy's crew says portion moment yeah of course that and i know proportion proportion um i'm actually enjoying the show i can't believe it i'm enjoying the show yeah it's okay yeah but candy's mom is just too terrible but she's kind of the only reason i'm watching it because i'm watching to see how terrible she can get but i mean in one episode she calls someone's mother a whore someone's dead father a pimp uh she swan her own dead son what else did she do in this episode i mean she's pretty despicable so she called car she called candy's best friend sneaky oh which one Carmen no she's like i like tan but i don't like coming oh yeah and she's like can i wear black dress i don't want to stand up at your wedding candy that's a lot to ask well you know that was a man i don't like by the way and what an awful moment when candy's like hey could you give me a way and mama Joyce is like no i mean i just i mean i just wanted to slap her she's a disgusting human being she really really is that's some terrible parenting candy kicker to the curb candy to make sure rally does not grow up under her influence rally rally um so let's move on to um real housewives of orange county you down to do that sure okay so orange county um i love this episode you always know you're in for a really good episode when like the party that's gonna be like the climax of the episode starts about 20 minutes in then you know you're in for a good time yes i a grah that was a good time and i love that Shannon's like oh i don't spend anything on christmas and then there's like 20 employees 30 trees like like an extra chandelier she and her husband hate each other openly which i still love yeah what else is going on wikis bullshit crying everything okay well well we just come to the main event we want to talk about little things let's let's i'm gonna before we get to the party the only other thing that happened prior to the party really was that tamarot took her son to the doctor and basically he's basically ryan's gonna have a heart attack because he's been doing so many drugs and so um i just want so we got a bunch of comments on the facebook page about it and rebecca qin shack wrote uh that she really enjoyed the excellent production job of clipping together tamar dismissing eddie's concerns about her injecting her body full of plastic and chemicals followed by her saying why does ryan have to fill his body with chemicals he is perfectly fine how he is why can't he be happy with his body yeah you don't have to inject her that was something to be acceptable and meanwhile she's saying that you can only tell she's crying because her voice is shaking the rest of her faces and even moving but to counter that she did have a point when she said eddie is always telling me i don't need stuff in my face to look beautiful but if i stopped he would see the real me and you know what i already see the real her broken through all that yeah exactly yeah it's not you keep doing whatever you sometimes i think it's overboard in your case i would buy a bicycle pump put it in your ear and just keep pumping you do whatever it takes to strike from your real personality tamarot because once looks go it's gonna be real dark she looks like one of those straws that you like you know when you squeeze the paper off of the straw to make it so you could put a drop of water onto it and make it look like a snake she looks like that before you put the drop of water onto it she just needs to just keep those fillers coming girl that girl's gonna be filled more than a speed bump um so you know it is funny that she is talking so much about like why does ryan where does he get these body issues from where does he get them from as she's sitting next to him at the same doctor getting hormone injections and testosterone and all sorts of other things getting put into her body uh but i also liked um once again me mcadam's verbano uh said that you know when the doctor said um you know basically he has to kind of detox and emmy goes i have more faith in laurie peterson's son josh getting clean after his fifth felony than i have in tamarous son yeah tamarous son poor guy i mean he's been ignored his whole life he's been a terrible parental household his whole life his mom does nothing but care about some stupid show she's on what's all that drama with tamar and her daughter did we already talk about this because i already get out with all the drama yeah i think it was that the daughter was saying that her mom was a bad mother and it was like pot you know poverty over there and terrible living conditions who knows well if tamar is anything a mother like she is a friend of people i just feel bad for ryan you know i don't blame him god bless his little heart you just keep taking whatever you can yeah i mean it's any you die the more of a chance you don't have to clean up your mom's poop when she starts leaking all over the place get out of there before you start having to take care of that hack because you know eddie's not going to be around to do it mmm i got a slates house i kind of feel bad for him because if he was taking steroids and hgh and all that stuff he should be like much bigger he should be like at least like big and muscular he's just sort of like a little bigger and hairy and old looking yeah he just got hairier like taking taking in the groceries from the trunk of your car isn't working out you still have to like do you push up some stuff yeah so um it's funny talking about working out so um the fitness industry was really at the center of this episode so when we went to this christmas party that shannon was having that she allegedly spent only five dollars on and when there's like again tons and tons of decorations the big thing that happened is that um heather got a guest gig for good day la oh and sorry to back up yet again another thing that happened for the show is so heather goes to promote her appearance on hawaii five oh where she has like a few lines and she starts telling her she's like oh i love a publicity tour it's just so fun to get out there and get in talk and be bop bop bop bop bop i'm like publicity tour you have a guest spot on a cbs procedural you did not just come out with a book and a future film and next the person who was dead in the first scene of last week's law and order like who does that that's not a press tour you don't slut like they did that for you because you're on the housewives show yeah so i love that she was already assigning so much more significance to it but truthfully she was they said they wanted her to be like a like a guest host etc etc so yeah you know why because no one's watching that shit anymore since they fire the really funny ones they're like keep the old guy who has no jokes and get rid of the funny old tanned hags who were the only reason to watch this show i mean both those women looked like kabana boy Dixie Leonard or what was other name no you just lost me this character from four the boys oh okay you know good day la used to have this two women on it who would like a jillion bobblery they were like this like two crazy shrews yeah yeah they were just like these old like overly tanned la hags like big fake boobs their skin was like brown and crinkly yeah they were really funny they'd be like i saw jenny moor the party she had a little boy second on a tit for sustenance they were like disgusting they were awesome and then they fired them both and now they're getting like housewives because no one's watching that yeah exactly um so anyway so at Heather's part i'm sorry at Shannon's party Heather's there and Tamara walks in and Heather's like really excited and she's like hey tamara just so you know i got this guest hosting gig and we're basically basically allowed to make two segments and i would love to have you and your people on to promote cut fitness on the show and Tamara's reaction is like you might as well have just told her that her son actually had the heart attack that was predicted she just sort of you know dumbfounded kind of crying and said and the reason why is then she launched this whole thing that like well six months ago when you were guest on there you had like my competitor in Newport Beach and that was like a diagram in the heart what did you think about Tamara's response well i totally agree with what Vicki said it's a fucking gift thank you you know Heather is under no obligation like what if i was on some talk show for like i don't know like what if i got hit by a bus and i was on some talk show am i supposed to be like well Ben my friend Ben has a really lovely blog no i mean i just got hit by a fucking bus and i'm on tv it doesn't have anything to do with you and if i say hey Ben Ben's got a great blog then you better send me some fucking flowers or something yeah i will maybe do that or do it you know the bus did it yeah well she's well Tamara's dumb for many reasons one of them is that she's been doing this show long enough that she's probably been on a lot of talk shows and she should know the way they work you know she should know that heather truly you have probably no control over the situation okay well i'm gonna have to stop you there okay one area where i i guess i'm gonna disagree with everybody from what i've been reading on the page but heather did know it was her gym like that's where heather works out that's where she gets personally trained her her instructor was the one who told Tamara that heather set it up and you know what heather is totally within her rights to do that why wouldn't heather hook up somebody who's been nice to her who gets her in killer shape to distract us from that fucking awful gerbil face if she's not going on but she probably what probably happened was fox said to her we want to get the gym that you go to can you bring your trainer we want this and she's like okay well this is the gym that i go to you know like she was it's sort of like a it's a mixture of both it's a mixture of her duty to be like and first of all Tamara's gym is a one room it's like one big warehouse room with plastic wood floors yeah with like five fat ladies working out who are fans of the show and have no interest in losing weight there's nothing even on the shelves like they had to make a plot point of there being nothing on the shelves to explain it and Tamara's gym is full of shit it's not even real why the hell would heather take a crew over there and on top of that apparently during that segment it wasn't just heather's gym it was like a few other things from heather's life so Tamara would have actually been having to share the segment with other people so she would have had less screen time and on top of that Tamara is part of the real housewise of orange county her gym already has so much free publicity that the last thing she should complain about is that this competitor whose name i still don't even know uh happened to be on the show and on top of that on top of everything else by her making a stink about it the competitor actually made its way on to real housewise of orange county yep yeah Tamara's an idiot like she's so stupid first of all why are you opening a gym like if you're going to have a housewise business why in the world would you have a one room gym how much money could you possibly make from that okay your membership is fifty dollars a month let's say you get a hundred people to do that okay great now you're making what how much is that five thousand dollars right okay so now you're making five thousand dollars a month you know rents at least three thousand dollars and i mean how are you going to make a long-term living off of one little gym you need to have something you can sell to the whole world you know right stupid she's just stupid it's like she wanted somewhere so eddie could have somewhere to go alone and have a steam room and blow guys it's not a gay club well you wanted to keep tabs on her man here's the only i'm going to try to play devil's advocate here because i'm going to try the only way that i can see Tamara having the smallest thread of a point is if she's saying if is if in her mind she's thinking you know well you know it had her had a chance to put me on six months ago and she didn't and now she's coming to me as if it's like oh like you know like as if as if like wow isn't this so great when i'm really only the second choice and so i can see maybe how she could be like maybe offended but even then she should be like you know what that's ridiculous i should not be offended right now i'm being offered a platform and i should thank this bitch even if she is condescending to me well she could just say oh so now that we're shooting the actual season you'll have me on your fucking news show and you won't call your own personal trainer first thanks a lot other thanks a lot and then Heather would be like i'm a fan dad and she'd be like i'm just playing you know meanwhile aggressive about it i mean don't just be a flat-out bitch and then we see from the previous next week that she's going to do it anyway it's like what a bitch Heather should have just pulled it from it and then meanwhile Terry gets dragged into this because Tamara's like well i was getting text from Terry where he was saying i told her not to do it i told her not to do it and i was surprised that Terry was not you know decapitated by Heather but he actually had an excuse ready to go which is he was saying no i wasn't telling her not to have the guest on i was telling her not to do the segment at all but it was so pitiful it was so stupid no one cares about good day la that's why you're on it but you know what though i do have to give heather credit because it seems like i guess every year there's a controversy that's that bruise around one of her ridiculous minor gigs yeah but you know what one thing we've learned about heather this season for sure i mean we've always known that she's a stuck up to what but what we know from this season for sure is that she's a complete liar and fabricator and paul bunion she doesn't tell the truth everything she says is a lie i mean that whole thing from the beginning of the season that wasn't even close to being true and i can't wait to the reunion where they show her lying her face off and then show clips of what really happened i mean talking about the chair or yeah about whole chair thing and you know what's her buns coming at her yelling at her and waving her finger and acting hysterical and blah and she's like it's about perception you know it's bullshit it's not about perception heather actually has the funniest controversies of all time she has a big fight about a chair she has a fight about malibu country and now she has an issue with good day la it's actually hilarious and she's a gem as result of that but here's actually a very here's um kurtis genson one of our listeners wrote this comment on our facebook page he says tamara has a serious problem with believing the worst about people based on hearsay from third parties it's what she did to Gretchen instead of trusting the person who she knows she tossed the people to the wolves and accuses them of crimes against friendships and then sticks a flag in the ground around the lie heather was right why would she intentionally do something to hurt tamara it doesn't make any sense if you love tamara because she stirs up drama that's fine but can we clarify that she's the worst kind of person imaginable and really shitty friend and that heather is the actual person we would want to know in real life at least i would rather have a mature intelligent talented woman like heather over an irrational bitch who would turn on me in a heartbeat well first of all no one here likes tamara tamara is a total she is terrible we all hate her she's an awful human being she seems like an awful parent an awful wife an awful friend an awful everything i mean an awful celebrity like her appearances on watch what happens are just disgusting out of the woman's a horrible human being no one likes tamara okay yeah but that doesn't make heather any better heather is a stuck-up woman who hasn't done shit she's a third-rate actress who'd never had any career besides appearing on some terrible sitcom jenny mccarthy was in in like 1982 she doesn't do shit with her life except marry some rich dude brag about his money like she's actually had it her whole life she's a nouveau reach stick up her ass bitch i'm so sick of hearing how heather is so great and so nice heather is not nice she's not a good person either she's a total fake phony user and i and she's a housewife and a de-rate celebrity doing anything she can be beyond tv like heather is no better she's she's sucky too here's here's my feeling on it uh i think in terms of quality of their personalities i think tamara is the worst person i think in terms of people that i sort of like sort of like on the show which is sort of different i like tamara more than heather but i think uh to get to Curtis's point in real life if i had to choose between the two it's not a great choice but i probably would choose heather because even if she is condescending and she does have a totally distorted view of reality i feel like there's some intelligence there more than tamara although tamara seems more fun so i don't know heather does it heather speaks like she has intelligence she has that voice she has the authority she speaks slowly for you so that way you understand this but she wasn't trying to speak to you in that way the only thing that heather has ever really had to discuss is how rich her friends are their planes how rich she is her new home the acting work she's done which is total bullshit um i don't i wouldn't hang out with heather she won't even go stand on a basketball court and play play around with people because she's so fucking uptight she stands at the top of the stairs and watches them with that stick up her ass i would not hang out with something like that i mean tamara is an awful human being but at least she's fun you could get wasted with her and go push him over i know that's the thing i feel like you get up so much fun with tamara i mean what are you gonna do with fucking heather that's the thing i mean i feel like i feel like as evil as tamara is you can have so much fun with her i bet i bet she would come on this podcast and she'd actually be hilarious and she'd be should be so much fun heather is so not fun at all but i don't know it's almost like someone took a human being and took two parts of personality into putting two separate humans and really like one cannot exist without the other properly i don't know i don't know what i'm saying but anyway so um they had this fight and then they quote unquote squashed it but then of course tamara went and started talking to shannon about it and of course i love shannon's my favorite on the cast and you know shannon's like well you know that that her she's so condescending i you know it's so condescending and then they're all started talking about heather and then heather walks in the room and it is so quiet and awkward and awful that i was like when i was watching it i like actually had to pause this tv and just like stop for a moment because i'm like this is about to get terrible so quickly and then because it's like another it's that part of the year where tamara is mean to somebody again for no reason and this time she's weaker than usual because she's actually trying to make people believe still that she's a good person like she was last year remember and it's she's obviously not and it's just been talking mad shit but it's so upset when it's brought up by the new bimbo and because she's not ready to go at it with heather and for good reason she has no leg to stand on she could not fight and then heather's like did you do that did you go poo poo in your pants did you you tell me did you go poo poo in your pants i'm not going to give you a spanking this time but i'm going to give you a stern warning missy stern warning poopy and the toilet well heather does i mean she really as shannon says heather is very the one thing she is good at is turning the thing around like if if tamara's like you know i really didn't like how you murdered that person and then heather would be like do you understand how difficult it was for me to walk in here and have you say that to me because yeah i i sure i may have murdered that person then but i'm not murdering someone now and for you to bring that up to me now is totally out of place you know like oh yeah you're right i'm sorry and also shannon has no place in this fight and she's only fighting it because she's mad at heather because she doesn't like heather well no because i think shannon wants to kill another well shannon you know the best part about shannon is that any at any even moment she's like it can explode on someone you know she's like david david don't do that david you know david is that tequila oh jeez david meanwhile david's like you know uh if you're in a good mood when you have sex you have a boy and if you're in a pissy mood you hate life you're gonna have a girl oh hey sofy father of the year by the way i don't think that lizzy was turning the pot when she was like can you guys just talk about this i think she was like this is so fucking awkward and you guys are being ridiculous can you just like get this over with so we can get back to a normal party i think she was just calling tamara out because tamara is such a bitch i mean tamara is tamara and shannon both just sitting there talking about it and then you know tamara having to come in and make a big deal about it at a christmas party and you know she's obviously just trying to stir the pot so it was funny it was funny kind of that lizzy did that but again i just don't get why they cast people who are just so different from the other women i think shannon works because she automatically fits in she's in the right age group but by casting some big dumb bimbo with big old fake old boobs so i don't think she's a bimbo but i know what you're saying i think but the what i was also funny was the way heather once shannon started yelling at heather she's like you know you're so kind of sending heather was just like wait a second are we have this argument now we're gonna have this argument which argument should we do right now just like heather was like trying to control traffic a little bit in her brain yeah it's like well i'm mad at you now because you told her to pick sides i mean you told her to pick sides and then david david get the potatoes out of the microwave she's picking sides jeez now they're down there all alone while we're up here with potatoes i mean what are they going to talk about down there what are they going to do david david david just being very condescending and i feel i'm feeling very misunderstood right now okay all right all right all right well those cost five thousand dollars those candles david i hope you make them work david those were expensive i spent five thousand dollars david the smoke they give off does not go into your lungs especially engineered that way and that's just the way it is um so the best part of all this though is that once this sort of dust kind of settled heather had the worst exit of all time like the worst fake exit she just pulls a phone she pulls the phone for precious like nikki nikki oh you're your stomach's hurting oh terry his stomach's hurting he's like oh honey your your stomach's hurting oh wow okay well we got to go bye yeah why don't they just say look this is lame you guys fight amongst yourselves i'm going home bye yeah um by the way the strangest thing to come out of the episode was learning that terry's brother wasn't quite right yeah we're back there no wonder i love that he's explaining it to someone who has no idea what he's talking about he's like yeah no big deal yes he was just number one over michael jackson okay i know that was being so obnoxious about it i was like you know terry you're kind of an asshole too um it is it is hilarious if heather depro being a former sister in law to the quiet riot i mean because you know the guy died but like it is it is like to but she's not quiet and she's not a riot it's like he went opposite of his family i can just imagine like at a quiet riot concert heather comes on stage he goes you have to keep it down okay like i respect the music but what's happening here is not okay with everyone over here okay you are screaming and yelling like lunatics i mean i feel endangered i feel like an endangered species on this stage because you are yelling and screaming like lunatics waving your fingers at people while you're singing this is called quiet riot okay this is what i think we're quiet you are telling us to come on feel the noise but i don't hear noise and i have a problem with that oh heather um she's so boring she is should we move on to ladies of london i mean even if you think about the fight like it was funny because shan it that fight was mostly funny just because shan and wouldn't let anything go i just think shan is personality is so funny but that was the most awkward scene ever and it's just and when heather leaves she goes up to tamar and she's like listen tamar i love you but i do not here ronnie are you back oh yeah was like on you said you were you're about to talk about how um how heather left yeah how she's like i love you but i don't like you right now i do not like you right now mister you think about that very very deeply okay i want you to turn around look into that corner and count to 20 okay until you're ready to come back out here now i'm gonna call my son right now it's like oh heather you're uh you're speaking to the back of your phone oh sorry my phone has a carport um let's move on to ladies of london because we still have also new york city to get to as well okay okay so still loving ladies of london you know this episode wasn't quite as maybe not quite as goes the first episode but i still um i still really enjoy it it really is grown up gallery girls and is the best yeah um i like that i mean this one i took so many notes on i guess because they're all so new and i'm finding everything to be so hilarious but i love how at the beginning the in the british girls are like oh the americans uh and the americans like god they've all got sticks up their asses and one of them goes what about that girl annabel she seems kind of reserved doesn't she and then it cuts to it cuts to annabel at the polo thing just like lying down on account like she can't even bother to like sit up straight she's just like i was friends with i was friends with someone things i was i was on the mcqueen's muse i'm going to just lay here until alexander comes back darling darling it's not a club it's a mallet with little three dogs um uh i uh i did like how um for all for as much they talked about being classy it was like the capris show and how she like she made this announcement to the british tabloids about how she's having two babies at the same time and is there nothing going on in london i mean how could that be front page news well when she's like kate middleton is the most famous woman in the world and i'm on the front page i'm like k middleton has been on the front page every day because you have nothing else to fucking talk about i mean what does kate middleton do she marrying some fucking balding pop belly ginger who's really rich and has a title that's all she does like they're like k middleton went shopping today uh fascinating i couldn't fucking eat her i think the fact that some woman who looks like a man alien is having not one but two children is pretty damn fascinating i here's what i think is fascinating is that i completely forgot until one of our listeners posted it on our facebook page that capris was on season five of the surreal life so you know what she can stop acting like she is part of british society and that she uh has any any semblance of class because she was on a tv show with brawnson pin show amarosa jana stickinson and hose can seiko okay you who are not classy yeah that's an automatic lose yeah and she was so boring and bland on that that even though i watched that entire season i had completely forgotten that she was on it and when i went back to watch clips i still was like i don't remember the scroll at all i love that i didn't watch that show i love that they um were showing the surrogates what do you call that baby x-ray thing gestational carrier yeah so they're she and her husband are watching this uh the pictures of the of the baby and the other stomach and you just see how the other child's life is gonna go because it wasn't like natural bore until like oh is it eating it's me gross it looks like a plate of spaghetti that thing's disgusting it's ugly it is that yawning g are we boring you go to your room you're not eating i mean you look beautiful i know but i also love is you know when capris starts talking in her fake british accent she's like oh i'm capris and i i have such kind words to say about my babies and then she gets she gets on skype with her mom from hacienda heights and her mom's like hey hon yeah her mom's like just got back from ros got the baby something to suck on the second it comes out of a out of the make you hide to have her she's Barb wouldn't that be awesome if her mom let's just make her mom Barb yeah her mom is Barb and capris is like but i just got some cluttered cream from the market what's caught cream that sounds disgusting mother mom mom that's clotted cream like a cut when you get a cut back it's clotted up because the blood hits the air and then it gets dry it's like a god's bandaid mummy mummy three people tweeted about me today it's such a wonderful day keep your tweeter in your pants that's how you got into this mess you're having two babies from different dads on two different cotton man Barb is like my channen impersonation slowly turning into leah so the other by the way the other thing that capris did that question so the big thing that was this episode was that there was this ball or this party called the serpentine party which was a legit party because the celebrities that showed up were actually real celebrities and royals but it was like the it's the party to go to and first of all capris cracked me up because the dress you wore to it was it looked at first like a nice pretty great dress and it had these big green insects on it it was like that was like a lost game of frogger on that dress that was disgusting and i love that carolyn's like caroline's like pregnant women should not be allowed to dress themselves i know it's a posh put down um but the big thing was that noel so noel is the one who looks sort of like an Olsen twin and Porsche de Rossi mixed together very she lords she the movie whore yeah she's the one dating this guy scott who is in the middle of a terrible divorce scott on nine years and blah blah blah oh my god can we talk about the apartment that he was trying to get her that sixty five hundred dollars a month and she's like this i just are better than this really bitch what have you ever done that didn't involve sliding something down your throat give me a pray thank you thank you she and i love how she's she goes out of her way all episode to say i'm i'm not a gold digger even though she's American i'm not a gold digger it's literally said gold no she literally said love is blind well thankfully they've got braille now on atm machines yeah she for someone who was supposedly so not concerned about material things she was put up a big attitude about a perfectly lovely flat and she was so obsessed with getting into this serpentine ball that there's just no way you can't act like that big of a social climber and then tell us you're not a gold digger yeah yeah all she was was obsessed that whole time with that stupid thing oh i wanted to say one more thing about capris that i wrote down um a how old is she how is she naturally giving birth and why didn't Jessica tandy have these drugs because we could have had another little Jessica before she died and it's great the second thing is i love once she was like mom are his lips full like ours oh yeah i love that you know those are not full they're full of cement will he have big breasts as well mom mom have you injected any saline into the baby yet mom have her monitor just lay there mom all right get a sack of flour mix a little water put it in a syringe and just hope you get the baby's lips mom all right mom mom will well the child have a british accent too does he or genetically have a british accent mom mom please play episodes of phrasier so the baby can have as much of a british accent as i do please mom mom what sort of chavalet should we name the baby i'm capris so perhaps we could be a chevy tundra is there such a thing as a tundra taho could we name him taho could we name him raphor mom mom can we name him azuzu mom can we name him can we name him christa crown royal is that a car mom mom can we name him continental mom no very many cars i'm like mom can we name him the orange line bus i'm like mom can we name him camry can we name him karola um can we name him driver's ed vehicle so uh they're awful lips okay what else so they uh caroline had an extra had an extra pass and then my favorite part was that then she had one pass to give to scott and to noelle so as much as noelle is a social climate everything scott as the gentleman should been like okay honey there's your pass but you can see for a moment he actually wanted it he was like i don't know if she needs to go to this i'm gonna go instead i was like oh wow these two deserve each other yeah it's like we'll flip for it really what a gentleman yeah well they're kind of both disgusting and i cannot wait to see what happens to them nothing really good can happen to any of these women so far except i would say caroline because maybe she's gonna be really bitchy later on i think this is really funny and she seems genuine at least i think caroline is going to get into a fight or have a fallout with caprice because on the first episode she's like oh i just love caprice she's like an honorary brit i'm like okay they're gonna hit each other by the end of the season yeah and already she's like oh god how needy can you be do you have any dignity left to sell your own story to the magazine i know it was very not it's not a very british thing to sell your own story and on top of that in the previews for next week she uh she says that she's starting to like uh juliette the i think her name's juliette the uh hankaro yeah and they and juliette and annabelle get into a fight next week and it's hilarious because juliette's like she's saying something like what you think you're so special you think you're so special and annabelle's just just laughing she's like a little dog fucking yapping so american yapping dog um let's go on to be embarking dog let's go on to new york city real house has a new york city yeah that's some yapping dog yapping yapping yapping dog this show is hill air he is i have enjoyed parts of new york in the past but usually i find it to be like new jersey where it's so toxic and mean that it makes me uncomfortable and i don't it stresses me out to watch it like especially the jill's air and years like the end of the jill's air and that last jill's air and year it was just horrible like it was so hard to watch until scary island yeah which was horrible but also wonderful but um usually it's really hard for me to like that show just because i don't like all the neurotic mean people but this year they have made it's magically amazing every time yeah honestly i think that oc and new york are in hitting a stride right now both both shows are hilarious and entertaining every episode yeah well this one most of it is because of the downfall of sonya i mean sonya will probably be dead soon let's face it will be here's the thing sonya talks so much about having sex with these guys i'm trying to get convinced that she has sex with none of them oh really you think she's one of those i think she's all talk i mean look when christian went over to her house at one point and sonya wasn't there yet and then sonya walks in she's like oh star i'm doing a walk of shame i'm like you did a walk of shame with a microphone pack on yeah right this was totally set up yeah oh yeah that's true well i just figured the producers were outside with mics well i guess it could have been that too but i don't think so i don't know i believe her i mean sonya's like that like that slightly chunky girl in junior high who blew the entire football team to be accepted but didn't realize that it just made her a stupid fat whore that's true that's kind of sonya and she really did flash her beaver a lot this episode oh my god we got a double beaver flash that thing i mean it was it was fuzzed out and it still looked like tree bark at least she didn't do it at the cancer luncheon because there's one thing that we've known about luan all these years you cannot be lewd when talking about cancer oh my god luan had a cancerous stick up her butt this episode and it was amazing and how they not added luan to the opening credits yet i know luan is doing much more luan is so good this season i mean if they're willing to take a viva off for some certain episodes for not being in them then just add luan in agreed totally agree she deserves it she's earned it well so i guess the i guess i think the cancer event oh well remember season two when rymona had a conversation with luan um luan was doing something at the cancer society um like making dinner for people for cancer patients and rymona said something like well you know you married someone you'll you married an older man and luan's like i can't not why can't she would say that the cancer society not at the cancer society never at the cancer society and she got so mad at rymona for talking about this stuff at the cancer society as if cancer patients were suddenly like they couldn't hear about it like somehow it would like ruin their quality of life but um so when all this happened uh this episode at a cancer fundraiser and luan started going crazy i was like oh my god a viva doesn't know what she's about to uncork with luan you do not pass around text messages out of cancer function for the cancer society not at the cancer society of cancer function cancer oh yes well the whole thing at the beginning with sonya still freaking out from last week being wasted insisting she's gonna leave she gets all her bags she goes outside and she's like andy andy and unfortunately it's not bobblehead sitting there jerking off watching women fight with each other it's um the drive it's luan's limo driver and she's like take me back to the city andy and i love that carol no sonya so well already she's like we're not following her out because if she doesn't get attention she'll come right back in yeah and sure enough she came right back in and then when she came in she was like you know like i don't understand i mean you know i came back you know i was having a wonderful time and i came back and you guys were all mad at me i don't understand that like no no which is like by the way the tenth time one of these women on on this season has had like a crazy delusional moment like when ramono was like you know what heather sometimes you talk too much and he was like well i i guess maybe i do talk too much and i was like i never said that i never said that or whatever the hell it was or something that was exactly it yeah i was funny you know what heather sometimes you're an asshole okay you're just an asshole well okay well you know if you're gonna call me an asshole i never called you an asshole i never called you an asshole well i love that sonya came in acted like it was everybody else who's yelling the whole time then she eats cheese and farts all over everybody yes my god this show and she's like let's go out to crazy Saratoga and flash our beavers um i am kind of mad at the show for making us watch more avery scenes i do not care and avery is like i've only driven at bmw this poor person car is so different it's like get used to it because the second your mom and dad divorce that money's gonna be gone bitch you're gonna have to get a damn job you know what it's good it's good to parallel park it's good to parallel park i hate them i i mean i don't hate them i hate that whole storyline yeah but luckily it's not a solid darkly go away luckily it's not as excessive as um who was it last season oh it was uh uh what's okay it's jim jim jim jim who like took 20 episodes to go yeah it was both empty you remember believe i can't do a lot i want my success to do here in my household by myself but children are no life i've been standing at the mailbox trying to me and a man and nobody's putting nothing in my throat i've been putting locks on my wall because i love my daughter um so i i mean i feel like there was like just sort of like generic filler there was like the best thing just the gossip mode by far was at a viva's house um okay well during this cancer thing a viva starts sending around a text right in the middle of the lady's speech he's talking about how her mom died of cancer whatever and a viva's like look it's a twat text from my dad and the ladies are all laughing openly during this woman's mom mom dead of cancer because miss usa x miss usa was at this thing and a viva's like oh my god i think uh she had a threesome with my dad which is not something i would drag a couple of days ago she's like i can't believe she's here my dad just banged her and kody at the same time what is she doing here this is so crazy and so Ramona goes right up to her and she's like hello you're miss america okay so here's what i have to say about america are you really from america what part can you tell america do you like america what's the best thing about america do you like pie now like pie from america now i know why that guy broke up with Sonia because you never that's exactly how Ramona was questioning his mom she's like so uh okay so you so you went over to george's house okay so then what time did you leave okay you left it not okay so um did you did you take the subway okay did you did you take the uh check the l train okay did you take the one train all right did you stop at a hot dog bender okay so when you were on your way to george's house did you take a car a subway okay so i didn't go to george's house okay so but when you were walking up to george's apartment okay did you walk over that vent that made warm air go up into your vagina region i didn't go to george's apartment okay but when you were at george's apartment did you take it in your mouth or your butt or did kody stick her finger up you i'll know because i'll know from all the cuts from all of those Swarovski crystals on every so did you did you and george and uh and kody did you guys do it in the dining room okay so uh if not the dining room then what about was it the kitchen or was it the room with the the yellow wallpaper that's a trick question because the dining room is in the room with the with the yellow wallpaper see i think about these things okay so now after you left the room with the yellow paper did you then uh did your brain explode immediately from all the yellow wallpaper no okay well now i know you're lying because no one can get out of that room without wanting to blow their brains out that's probably by the way why everyone gets profited of eva's house because yellow is supposed to be the most hostile color and they go in there and they see that that like that seizure-inducing wallpaper and they just want to strangle each other yeah and they're like ink blots like that stuff that psychiatrists use to tell if you're gay so they can out you to your parents when you're 14 years old what are those called um rosh roshotch yeah roshotch roshotch roshotch roshotch roshotch roshotch roshotch roshotch i wish Ramona got her own csi spinoff oh my god okay so here's what what's happening i found some with dead on the beach and so i came over here to ask you if you did anything i saw some blood on his shirt so tell me what do you think about shirts do you like callers or v-necks i just want to see Ramona my mother my mother always said you have to start your own crime lab because you don't want to be you don't want to have a man responsible for your own crime lab if you ever get divorced you have to have your own crime lab okay so you try and get mar kellenberger convicted for every single crime just because she's prettier do you like did someone with red hand to it was that a woman was it a woman who used to be on a show that was like mashed but worse um there's a name crime with fog she's like Ramona the suspect they ran into the woods well i'm sorry i can't go in there i'm sorry it reminds me too much of my father i'm sorry he'll just have to go i'm sorry i'm going back to the hamptons okay like it's just too much for me okay like when i see the woods when i see a murderer it reminds me of my father okay and that's just very hard for me i understand that there's someone out there who might be killing other people but i have memories of woods it reminds me when i pop okay this victim this victim has a spaghetti mark on her face i cannot do this case because i remember one time when my father he threw a string of spaghetti at my mother's head and it stuck there and then they were yelling at each other and all i could see with this string of spaghetti sticking on my mom's forehead and i cannot take this case anymore because i'm traumatized by spaghetti strings on foreheads so this body was found in a trash compactor okay and the thing is i can't go near a trash compactor i just hope you understand i can't do this because my father would generate trash you eat food and then have to throw things out and he'd throw them in the trash compactor and it reminds me a lot of my childhood so i just really can't be around it okay i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i cannot do it listen i would love to talk to you about this case in a restaurant but i can't be in restaurants because you're about to say check please and one time i was at a restaurant with my mother and my father and they got in a fight and he asked for the check and now i'm traumatized by people asking for checks can we please talk about this case somewhere outside just not on a sidewalk because one time my mom was walking on the sidewalk and my dad tripped her and then she fell and she said you tripped me and he said no i didn't and then she cried and now i can't be on sidewalks uh excuse me sir i i uh i just i want to apologize i want to apologize okay because when i accused you of murder okay i did not mean to hurt you uh it was just it was a knee jerk response because what was happening was reminding me of my childhood so i when i saw you there and i thought of my father i thought this person's a murderer okay so i'm sorry and i got you these flowers and i really want to apologize from the bottom of my heart okay hey dead person i'm sorry dead person i'm sorry i can't find out who killed you but one time i saw this bug on the ground and i was going to keep it from my pet and my dad stepped on it and now i can't look at bugs anymore without thinking who killed them and i don't even want to know because it turns out it was my father okay i really can't go down to the morgue right now okay it's just it's very difficult for me because it rhymes with mar and mar kelenberger is prettier than me and i think she's killed everybody on csi ever twist you know for the first so for the first 15 years of my marriage i thought that mario was his name is margio okay so when i see mar kelenberger it reminds him mario reminds me of how he cheated on me okay so as you can understand i just can't deal with him right now okay oh my god poor Ramona poor Ramona i love her detective work so anyway so i'm glad Ramona did miss america a huge favor by going over and telling her that george is telling the entire world that he banged miss america i miss america you can tell she's like uh i what she's like no why would miss america honestly shack up with this pervy old rapey dude and his like you know not so pretty fiancé so gross listen i don't i don't i don't down that that miss x miss usa has been in threesomes but i don't think they've been with george and cody they have not been with george and cody grow so the funny thing is this so then aviva has in a quote unquote art show that's at her apartment she basically just wants friends to help her decide what art to go up on what walls and so everyone shows up all dressed up because they think they're going to a real art show and uh so then louan pulls viva aside and louan is on a rampage louan believes that aviva has invited miss usa to this thing and she's like well no one knows who miss usa is aviva's the only one and so she's like how dare you how dare you invite her to this to this cancer thing this is a cancer of it how dare you send around the text messages who do you think you are it is just absolutely crass and crude for you to do that and aviva's like louan i did not invite her and if i actually believe aviva because it's so obvious that the producers invited her i don't know why that didn't occur to louan at all but why would the producers invite her unless she really did have something to do with george and i don't believe that she did the producers would invite her if aviva's telling producers this and aviva's gonna start something so i don't think that aviva actually invited her but i'm sure aviva told the producers about the situation and producers like oh hey lady come to this tipping where kelly ben simon was i'd like to add and i'd also like to add that i called it when i saw it in the mask i was like hi kelly ben simon oh god kelly ben simon she still has nothing to say so some stupid books she's writing about the history of the hamptons i'm so sure kelly get the hell out of here i know it's gonna be it's gonna be basically like more coherent than an e Cummings poem yeah she's like it's a it's a mixture of um it's a mixture of history and anecdotes like this is where the beautiful hamptons house started and this is where i first fucked a rich guy who gave me more than 20 dollars like oh god let's not mix the two it'll be like one page it'll be like close your eyes and turn the page now open your eyes now close your eyes 50 pages will be here just being close your eyes and open the eyes you're angry no you're sad you're angry oh i have to read this this is from lance williams on our facebook page he wrote i follow louan on instagram and she used to have quite a few pictures with miss usa from before the luncheon but now they are all gone except the photo from that day for oh that's hilarious or miss america she's like you better get me the hell off that website or that instagram well i loved um i loved how fired up louan was and the best was you know because her daughter uh aviva had bought a drawing or i don't know if it was a painting with some a piece of art from louan's daughter and louan's acting all horrified by this and aviva's like well you know people talk about sex you know your daughter includes sex in her art and louan's like how dare you how dare you talk about my daughter's sex er well i'm trying to talk about the cancer event yeah do not talk about sex while i'm talking about a cancer event that is just tasteless yeah i else i love when louan when they're talking about this text message and being passed around louan's it like she's like if i had seen i would have vomited up my salad and then of course if you've had surprisingly the best line of the night when she's like since when is the win the police woman of ladies luncheons i'm like since forever bitch yes it's the beginning of time she like popped out and popped out and was like all right let's do lunch i don't know i just made her one thing okay let's talk about the facialists and i'm not talking about george get it guys i'm not even going to try to do this woman's accent because it'll be totally racist you need to get your face done okay come here i do your face all your face looks so much better than it did after that time you let that elephant come on you in africa huh she had elephant come on your face in africa she truly had like the most stereotypically asian accent that if i were to do it right now people would just assume i'm just being just crazy crazy asian racist because it's so oh you're a big guy you're you're calling me racist right now she said something like she's like yo what he um i was like oh she even said like she's like actually i was like oh my god i can't believe this this no this is i'm gonna have to talk about this in the podcast and i'm getting so much trouble why actually i mean i think we're still allowed to make fun of asians well we're male well in this case we're making fun of this specific woman hey i love how everything changes so much you can make it fun of whoever you want to okay no one's gonna judge you and if they do just say sorry hey you know what i'm looking at i just want to announce because you guys we've we've been celebrating our listeners today because of 2500 and everything one of the running things of this podcast has been the fact that it's really hard for me to do it at this time because a mailman comes and that's when bueller starts barking and i just want to announce that the mailman just came and bueller just laid there his ears perked up and he just laid he's given up on life you guys bueller you know how sexual that sounds the mailman came and bueller just laid there yeah the bueller the mailman came all over my wall and bueller just laid there yeah um so anyway about that the the lady who does the face show i love that she had the dirt on every single person in that town she's like oh yeah that lady lo Anne she likes short french people uh because she can be in church in bed somebody's like church like not in church not in church you like to be in charge she's like oh i thought you were saying they like to have sex in church oh it's like even sonyate has to even take a conversation about sex and make it more about sex to convince us that her vagina still works that's sonya no oh my god oh my god it was such a good episode and remember when you had sex with the boyfriend of that lady oh you remember when you had sex with the boyfriend of carol oh that was funny from your sister and boyfriend oh yeah you totally had sex with him it's like she was filming the gossip on every person i love it but to be fair she also could have just watched tv you know like she wasn't really saying anything that we didn't know except that uh carol's boyfriend's up with sonya which i'm not even sure that happened and i love sonya's view of it she's like well he was flirting with me in california and then they show the clip and she's like oh i'm climbing him like a tree well i like that he's just basically like oh hi nice to meet you i don't believe that but he's like oh hi nice to meet you and man are you still there i'm here man are you still on the bad guys we should probably wrap this up anyway we've been talking for a long time oh what the hell i was having fun i was having fun too but you know i also have more fun doing participating in my life whatever i don't have one of those screw you think you're so great with your life i have a life i do not i have to go to the gym i might go to trader chose with my friend later whoo get out the wish bomb hey jamesy i'm good next rip out of the wish bomb for tonight italian and thousand island anything else i want to learn guitar how to play guitar and i'm looking at a site right now called fret light isn't that a little similar to flesh light you guys ponder that until next week think about that um so once again um you can follow this podcast on facebook it's facebook.com forward slash watch what crappins um also subscribe to us on iTunes we never tell people to do that anymore but you really should do that um and even leave us a review a five star review um you can listen to us on citron on soundcloud and you can follow ronnie at trash tweet tv on twitter and he's at trash talk tv.com where he does all sorts of funny recaps and he has a tumblr too with jeffs and he's on instagram at trash talk tv or ronnie karen i'm bsideblog bsideblog.com and i'm @bsideblog on twitter and on all those sites instagram so follow me there too that'd be fun and thanks everyone for listening thanks everyone for contributing and we hope we got to a bunch of comments today and i guess we'll just talk next week huh you guys thanks for everything okay guys bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the side show network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like regi wats taught glass lies a slice finger slicing drab and friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and i still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own own benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and i love you [music] to the insurance company that's burned me our time together has come to an end it's not me it's you we both know what i'm talking about 15 minutes ago i began courting geico it was just the easiest thing i've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast not only have i saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance but also the future tiers you were sure to impose my heart and my coverage now belong to geico sincerely not yours terra in telly ride geico 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance if you like watch what crappins you can listen ad-free right now by joining wendry plus in the wendry app or on apple podcast prime members can listen ad-free on amazon music before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wendry.com/survey in a quiet suburb a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother but this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her and she wasn't the only target because buried in the depth of the internet is the kill list a cache of chilling documents containing names photos addresses and specific instructions for people's murders this podcast is the true story of how i ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger and it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy follow kill list on the wendry app or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to kill list and more exhibit see true crime shows like morbid early and ad-free right now by joining wendry plus check out exhibit see in the wendry app for all your true crime listening
