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I'm Ronnie Karen from TrashTalkTV.com, and I'm joined by the lovely, and talented and gorgeous and worked-out and wife-beater-wearing Ben Mandelker of Beside Blog. Hello Ben. Well, you're one for five on all those descriptors. I am wearing a tank top, but I think all those other ones I sadly fall very short of. You're not lovely, you're not talented, you're not worked-out? No, no, no. I just saw you, this was a hack. I just saw you, in real life, IRL, and you looked great and worked out. Well, thank you Ronnie, it was so great seeing you. Ronnie and I got very drunk together on Friday night at a power hour at my place, and one moment you were there and one moment you were gone. I know you said goodbye to me, but it's all a little bit of a blur. I was actually super sad to leave because Ben has the most eclectic group of nerds, and I really loved it. I love that everyone is so awkward, and I even said this to everybody. I was like, it's so funny watching you guys, because you're the most awkward people in the world right now, and in about 30 minutes, we're all going to be best friends. And they were like, and sure enough, 30 minutes later, we were like, "Yeah, brah!" Yeah, well, that's the magic of doing a power hour. For those of you who don't know a power hour, it's something that you do in college, but actually people should do as adults, because you do a shot of beer once a minute for an hour, and it sounds very fratty or whatever, but it's like the most amazing icebreaker of all time, and it was, it's always fun. And this one started off sort of on a slow note, because I wasn't playing any music, so it was like quiet in my apartment, and everyone's just sort of sitting around. But by the end, man, it was rollicking good times. You guys, there is a reason why Jesus was so peaceful, and his name was wine, okay? It's true. It's true. As long as you don't drink and drive, it's all good. Jesus was like, "I love everybody, 'cause I'm shit-based!" Peace on earth, goodwill towards man, y'all. Well, Jesus can do a power hour, and he can do one with Maya Angelou now, which they can just sit around and say what sort of portable things. That wasn't a mean thing I meant, that was actually supposed to be nice. Maya Angelou was a poet of our times. Of course. She's like one of the only ones left. And now she's dead. Babish. Just kidding Maya Angelou. You know what, I still feel resentment towards Maya Angelou, because she's nicer than I could have ever been. And she understood poems that didn't rhyme, and I'm sorry, I just don't get it, okay? Rhyme, people. They're poems for a reason, 'cause they rhyme. Ronnie can only process things in limerick form. I respect Maya Angelou because wasn't she in how to make an American quilt? Actually, what I even respect her more for is that she wrote cookbooks, which I think is kind of cool. And before all of her recipes, 'cause I've leaped through them in various bookstores, she has these very poetic stories, these lyrical, you know, tales of your, and it's always like, and that was the last time I ever saw Mr. Tannery, and in his honor, here is Meat Loaf. Well, they're all like that, which is actually kind of awesome. The other reason I really resent Maya Angelou is she was supposed to be our guest today on the show. Yes. See, up and choked on a chicken bone, so, by that, thanks a lot. This was our big, this was going to be our big break. We were finally going to get accepted by Oprah, you guys. She was like, the magic of the hoedown, that's not the onion ring, is what brings us together. Okay, so. So, let's talk about some bravo shiaat. But first, you can find Ben on the internet, everywhere, at besideblog.com, and all the social networks at Beside Blog. And you can find me, Ronny Karam, on Twitter @ Ronny Karam, or Trash Tweet TV, which is Trash Talk TV's recap feed, or you can find me on Instagram @TrashTalkTVRecaps or @RonnyKaram, or on Tumblr @TrashTalkTVRecaps. Oh, Trash Talk TV was taken by so many things that, every social network has a different name. Sorry. Well, and also, last but not least, go to facebook.com/watchwalkcrapins. We have about, what, we have like 2400, maybe 2460 likes, in fact, let me read some of the new people who liked the page, because I want to give, give some love back to these people who took time out of their day to just like, click like on Facebook. It's really a quick process. But come to the Facebook page, because we do have like a lot of fun on it. Recently, the newer people who have liked it, have been Hayley Patrick Kochek, Shayna Davis, Lindsay Harris, Greg Morrison, Marci La Fontaine, Audra Brent Cummings, and I'll just stop at Trisha Putnam. But thank you guys for liking it. And for all the people who've been liking it since the beginning, we appreciate you too. Yeah, it's so fun to read this page. And while we're being nice to people, let's also be mean to people, because there's this thing on the Facebook page that says, 95 of your friends like Watch What Crapping. So thanks those 95 friends, but then it lists all the friends that don't like it. So I'd like to say a big fuck you, to Stephanie FitzHarris, Brian Baney, Zabeth Russell, Jesse Burschbach, Alex Caram, my own cousin, Kevin Fink, a writer from Trash Talk TV, Dave Ball from Survivor, Screw You, Dave, Jessica Young, Blake Hogue, Dave Bowman, Judas Shelton, Roger Glenn, Sonya Powell, Joseph Grover, Dan Vo, and Trisha Tracy, and Michael Bell of the Trisha. That way to stop right there. Trisha is not a fan of this. Trisha does not even like this show. So screw all you guys. And you know what? Also the other 700 friends or whatever that aren't signed up to this. Screw you guys. You only have 700 friends, Ronnie. I don't know. I don't count them bad. Okay. I don't count them. I don't like rhymes and I don't like numbers. For all of you who's do still like this podcast, I guess we should get to Bravo though. I know. Yeah. I don't know. I was just in such a good mood to talk to somebody today. You're the first person I've spoken to. Even today at Starbucks, no one had time for me. So I'm sorry. I just needed to get some Maya Angelou talk out there. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you got it out. Yeah, me too. I hope he can like put her ashes in the East River. I know why the caged Ronnie sings. Well, it's because he's asking for somebody to come rhyme things with him. I actually wait, I know I'm sorry, everyone, just bear with me for like 30 seconds here. I was just making lunch and in my mind, I actually made a rhyme and it was the stupidest rhyme I've ever made up and I can't believe I've even been sharing it with you. But since we're talking about rhyming, I was pulling out a bunch of limp celery out of my fridge. And for some reason, I said to myself, I like limp celery like I like Linda L.R.B. Oh my God. Yeah. That is a terrible rhyme. That is a terrible rhyme. That's why Maya Angelou doesn't rhyme. She tried to rhyme celery with something one time it fell on her face and she was like, "Who are rhyming?" There's part of me that wants to pat myself on the back for bringing Linda L.R.B. back. And I actually just unintentionally poorly rhymed right there, but now you want to bring Linda Carter back. I'm all of that. I would like Linda Carter and Linda L.R.B. to be in the next iteration of The Real Housewives. Linda Carter is a farter. Okay, there we're even. Now let's go. And by the way, if you hear a lot of background noise, I'm just trying to recreate the sounds of the Berkshires here. And those sounds are noodles being thrown at Ramona's mother's head by her abusive father. Okay. All right. So what do you want to start with, Ronnie? Okay. I heard a bird outside. Okay. It reminds me of my father. It's like. Okay. So I usually like to go in order of how these things appeared on my television set. So that would take married to medicine at first. Okay. But I don't really care. I only wrote like a few things. Why don't we do married to medicine? You know, we've started with it the past few weeks and we've had, it sort of like gets us in a really goofy state of mind as if my celery L.R.B. rhyming did not do it already. And also it goes with our theme of bad rhymes and terrible English and nonsensical things. Sorry, Maya Angelou. Yeah. You were a true artist, especially compared to these hoes. I mean, Jesus. Well, I mean, Jewel and her book of poetry is a real artist, compared to these hoes. What I should have did, I should have, I should have been a poem and been like, Eugene is my, is my husband and I like rubber bums of the dance. Well, she literally said this week, I shouldn't wait. I have came. She said that. I have came here because I love her. It was like, there's a great toy is and when she said that, I teared at my house. I know me too. I actually paused and I wrote on our Facebook page. And the noise you hear about outside, it was the sound of my brain getting sawed into her face. What is that really, is someone doing, someone's calling me via Google Hangout. I think it's, I think it's Sonia's vibrator turning on. Seriously, it's going up. I can't even hear. Oh, it's my friend, Jesse Berschbach, who I just said, fuck YouTube for not liking our thing. It's like she heard us. How's she calling me through the Google Hangouts while we're in a podcast? The computer is confusing me. Well, Sonia, what she said, thank you on my cell phone. Yeah, this is too much. And now my little, oh my God, this is a mess. Let's just, let's just start over. Okay. Just kidding. Now that's not. Okay. So married to medicine. Some of the most incoherent yelling of all time, because we ended up at the party. We started with the party we ended at last week, which was Mariah and Quad going at each other. For some reason, nobody knows because it was all filmed in STK, steak with no vowels. Yeah. And we didn't get to see it because there were no cameras there, which makes us all think it's bullshit. But. So anyway, this was the continuation of their fight from last week when at Rico Chappelle And then Mariah went out to the valet and then Quad followed, followed, and they got into more fight. The spat continued. Yeah. And it was just a stupid fight. And I don't understand what they were saying. And especially Quad, like seriously, I guess I'm going to say this every week until the show ends, but learn to talk. And she's like, you are, you are not only the valet. You are getting a claim ticket, and I am not refunding it for my friendship. You are a umbrella with holes in it, and my hair is wet. Okay. Listen, honey, you are sitting out standing on the curb, and I am the great under the curb, and all the water goes right through me and so does the shade. I am a juxtapane recess and reorder a courtroom. I am the brass doorknob that you turn, and the door opens and honey, I am closing that door on your face. Ding dong, the door is closed. I am a Brita filter. All that shade comes through me, and I filter out all the Mariah. Yeah, I am an Ikea. You have to use directions to put me together, honey. You don't know me unless you can follow the directions, Mariah. Good luck with that little L key, Mariah. So that was super fun, and also Lucy was involved in this one. Lucy is a crazy bitch, and she took a mama Lucy now, and she'll go after anybody. But even she is standing down a little bit with quads. All she's saying is, "Don't you do the quads, that ain't cool, quads, quads, I don't like that quads." Like she knows she'll get her wig flipped off by Miss Quads, she's not gonna fuck with her. I know, she didn't want to get into a fight because she took probably like three hours to get that hefty bag onto her head that's also known as her wig. I'll roll my hair to you if my neck had the strength to do it, quads. Demons. The demons. Oh, that demon is coming out of you. Okay, so then we got to one of my, oh, well this is an actual thing, I actually wrote, I didn't write many notes this week, but one thing I did write down was quads. I want the truth, and I will accept nothing more. Yeah, I was like, "Oh, okay." All right, would you accept something less? Do you take something less than a shoe? I noticed that too. I was like, "Well, I guess maybe she... Okay." English by Mary DeMedicine. It ends by Mary DeMedicine. So one of my, yes. One of my favorite things this week was heavenly going to Mariah's house. Yeah. This shit was priceless. Miss Lucy is sitting there in her gigantic wig, and heavenly comes over in her cream cheese covered throat. Uh-huh. And she's like, "Mom, listen here. Ah, praise Jesus, first of all, Jesus came into my heart this morning and made me want to tell you, I don't think you're being truthful." And Mariah's like, "Now, I didn't say I made her, I said I put her together and allowed her to live." Yeah, she's like, "I didn't say I made her, I just said I gave her a platform to be famous. I'm not saying I made her famous, I just gave her the platform to be famous." And I did. Then Miss Lucy is not afraid of heavenly, and every time heavenly says, "Praise Jesus or thank the Lord or we are blessed to even be having this argument," Miss Lucy's there to be like, "I'll slap the Jesus right out of your fat ass bitch." It's like, "Whoa, come back Lucy, come back Lucy." Straight out of Detroit. Yeah. Well, the thing is, the thing is that with heavenly, I always go back and forth because over the span of any episode, she'll say something where I'm like, "You know, she's right and I backed that up and I like that." And then she does something totally crazy later and I'm like, "Oh, well, no, she's crazy, I can't get behind her." And when she was at Mariah's, she actually seemed like it was sensible, heavenly, at that time. Because she was right because she called Mariah out, at least to us, and it doesn't matter if you say that you made her or you gave her the platform to be famous, it's all the same thing, which is that you did something for her and then you're rubbing her face in it. I was like, "Oh, my goodness, that's like, you know, that's like a reasonable thing just like, like, heavenly's got it, you know?" Well, yeah, I mean, she's going up against Mariah, who, I mean, these people don't even know what the hell they're even fighting about. So of course, she looks sensible there, but heavenly is, heavenly's just a see word. She's horrible. She's a horrible human being. And I love that she's always like, "Praise Jesus, praise the Lord, obey your husband." And the first thing the husband's like, "Well, I'd like you to stay home." And she's like, "Now, you're not obeying your husband, that is not submitting." Yeah. Well, of course, then later on in the episode, heavenly had this dinner party and then she proceeds to call out everyone at the table for everything that they're doing wrong. She's like, "Now, I can't even do the heavenly voice." She's like, "I have a real estate license and I know a little bit about this and that. And I know this house is more than 1.3 million. I don't know, some of you can't close your houses." I was like, "What is going on?" Well, the whole thing about that, she's like, "You want to come over to my house because we're going to talk about marriages and relationships." Because she's a relationship expert. Yeah. So all these ladies come over and she starts tearing down all of their relationships. And she's like, "Some of us can't send me to our husbands and some of us won't give you a blowjob and some of us, he's spending all our husbands money." I was like, "Damn, some of us are married to people with pointy hair." Some of us say things that make no sense, but they just use objects around them, quad. So below the belt. But yeah, Mariah's thing. I know it doesn't take this long to close the house. And Mariah's like, "Really?" I can't do Mariah at all. But no, Mariah wasn't there. I mean, not Mariah. Troya. Troya. Troya. She's like, "What you should have done was have came to this conversation with the private. Because I don't like to talk about the stuff when Eugene was nearby. So what you should have done is not talk about that. I love that stupid woman is like, "Well, if there we come, we'll talk about it." I could have closed it. The problem with closing it is my husband has too much money and they don't know what to do to see the bank, what the bank should have did was close on the house. But the bank, we were like, "Well, Eugene's got, he's like an doctor, but he's also not a doctor and we watch TV. So sometimes the bank's like, "Well, no TV." So I'm like, "Wow, okay." Yeah, she cannot get a loan, basically. Yeah. The bank is probably like, "Well, we've looked over your Wells Fargo account and we've seen $9,000 for a book about Chanel, is this true? We will not give you a loan." They're like, "We've been reviewing your background and we just aren't sure that an urgent care doctor can afford a $40 million manager." We were looking over your wife's application and she's misspelled her name, which leads us to believe that she might not be very reliable as far as payments. We have a concern that your wife, Toya, has a $300,000 debt to Ashley Furniture and we like to see that resolved first. Room Rentals has called, Renta Room has called and there was a couch from 1987 still not returned by your wife. Thank you. Marshall's has called and apparently your wife still has a calendar on layaway. TJ Maxx has called and it has asked for last season to be returned. Thank you. What I should have done was go to dress bond instead and I should have been like, "I'll buy this dress bond." I'm going to be able to move in there because I always want to live in a bond, like a fancy bond, but I should have did. So that party went a little bit crazy because Heavenly just went right over everyone. Now, to these women, to the credit of these women as I make some of their email. And you use the term women like, you know, loosely. Yes, these people out with holes where their penises should be. To their credit, they know how to deal with Heavenly now and they just kind of laugh her off, which is hilarious. I mean, the fact that they were all able to laugh and tell her off kind of at the same time, I think was really fun to watch, especially the doctors. They're too smart for that shit now and they're not going to get pissed off at her. Yeah, exactly. They know what the deal is. They're like, "Oh, it's TV show. We'll just get through it." Yeah. She's like, "I would not be taking that class," Dr. Jackie. So Dr. Jackie also had a baby this week, a little fake baby that she's already left in the morning, "Oh my God, that was so stupid. So fake. That entire thing was fake." And she's supposed to learn that she can't have a baby now because she left it in the car. And I say she shouldn't have a baby now because she left her periods 10 years ago. Well, I think, well, she said it was more because of the chemo that she got for breast cancer. But that was real nice of you, Ronnie. Well, while we're talking about horrible cancer jokes, when her friend comes in and is like, she's pretending to breastfeed the baby and she's like, "Baby, don't feed off implants." Like, "That's real. That's real nice." No, she's talking about giving child birth, isn't she? She's talking about having child birth, isn't she? Like going through it. She's trying to do... I don't know what she's saying. I'm not adopting. She's going to actually have a baby, which means that she's still saying that she has her period. Do not accuse me of anti-cancer remarks until I actually make one because I've got plenty. Well, maybe she froze her eggs. I don't know. The whole thing seems fake. She's an obstetrician and she should know better than to submit us this ridiculousness. Well, she's got to do something. Yeah, she does. Her husband's like, "Please don't make me go on that show." She's like, "Let's have another lemon squeeze." But I should have done a grateful squeeze because it's a little bigger. Now, part of me is just really sad for myself because I have had the internet as part of my life for so long that I don't even know how to write anymore with a pen. I try and take notes with a pen and I don't know what any of this says. Malicious? Oh, that's a quad word. Malicious. That was malicious. And then I wrote another quad word that looks like "un-boud-daze-un-wait-em-boud-dissable-and-dutab-a-sul." She's like, "I will ask you to give me some time." Okay, so what else with Mary DeMence? Do you have anything? I don't really remember it. I see Simone doesn't give blowjobs, which is pretty rough, I imagine, for her husband, and Lisa Nicole just sat around, and I think that was it. Yeah, Lisa Nicole is just like, "Thank you so much for having me over to dinner and talking about blowjobs, which are very important to the entire community of women, whether they had cancer or not, like I did, or I thought I did a couple weeks ago, which was extremely difficult for me thinking bad." Are you a downtown girl and by downtown, I mean do you like to give oral sex? That's just a slang word that I use to make myself seem a little loose. Because downtown things are smelier and your throat always hurt, so that's why I call it downtown. And uptown caters to a different crowd, that's all I have to say about that. Uptown is where I would have gone for my cancer treatments had I had cancer when I thought that I had cancer, but I didn't, but I still enjoy going uptown, but I can also spend more time downtown as long as it doesn't give me cancer, because that would be awful and hurt my entire family. And midtown is a place that's sort of like a little cancery, a little blowjobery, and it's all things all at once. Sometimes I go over the Brooklyn Bridge to spend time in Brooklyn, so I could remember a time before I thought I had cancer. Things were so peaceful then. And then I think of all the traffic on the bridge to Brooklyn, and I think of all the carcinogens and all the cancer I might have gotten. And then I get stressed out and stress leads to cancer. I might have cancer. I'm going to take a moment and cry. What you should have did was not get cancer, but like not go downtown and with the subway. I think that a husband can take not getting a blowjob, but a husband cannot take having all of his friends giving him shit for not getting blowjobs, because they saw his wife talk about it on TV. Yeah, exactly. That's a huge problem, and that's going to come back and bite her in the ass. Well, who knows, maybe she takes it in the ass, so he's like, "Yeah, well I don't get blowjobs, but I give it to her anal." Yeah. He's like, "I can get my fist in all the way up to my elbow." Like, you never know, like maybe she's like really kinky, or maybe she's like, "I don't like giving blowjobs, but I love when he pisses on me." That's great. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, "Ooh, I hate the smell of what..." She's like, "I hate the smell of when downtown comes up town, but I love it when he takes the shit out my stomach." Do people do that? Is that a thing? Yeah. People do that. It's called Scat Play. It's called Scat Play. What is that? That is crazy. Who's like, "Baby, sit there while I shit on your stomach." So, that's much better than my downtown in my face. No. That is disgusting. You've heard of like a dirty Sanchez, right? Yes, but I'm not sure what that is. You know what? I don't know. Dirty Sanchez. Okay. If you have small children, you're already screwed up because they shouldn't be listening. So this is for little Tommy, who's three years old. This is what a dirty Sanchez is. I think it's like when you either take a shit or you stick your finger up, your asshole, whatever, and then you make a poop of mustache on the girl. Oh, God. Your finger. That's what it is. I didn't know what that was. Oh, that was meant a poop goatee because that's like love all the way from nostrils. Oh, God. Yeah, I'm like Simone. Like, I mean, look, I enjoy a blowjob. I'm not that prude, but when it comes to stuff like that, yeah, I'm really prude. I mean, I just want the kind of the regular... I just need kind of the regular version. I don't need pooping on stomachs or like peeing or dirty Sanchez. I mean, who does that? That's disgusting. That makes me never want to have sex with anybody ever again. I'll say it. It does it. I think Screech did it from Saved by the Bell and his sex tape, ruining everything for you. Yeah. My penis is officially out of order. Thanks. Sorry. Seriously? Seriously. Oh, by the way, I have to pause and say Katie invited me to this party last week that I wasn't able to go to. I'm so bummed because Tom and Ariana were there and then Kristen and Stasi were there to a separate table and they weren't told that they were all going to be there and they were filming for Vanderpump Rules and I'm so mad that I missed it. Oh, really? Well, I'm really thrilled that I wasn't invited to go, so I'm going to have to send Katie a little text right now. Yes. Under attack. What's that? Batch. Batch. I don't know. That's actually not a significant story at all because that didn't even go. That was like the fake cancer. Yeah. That was just so let's see if we can really piss running off even more because it's already said. Hey guys, I almost went to a party where people were there, but I didn't so yeah. Doing the podcast now and Ben is telling me how you invited him to a party. When you're typing, by the way, it sounds like there's like an Indian tribe coming towards you, Native American tribe. Batch. I'm going to write Batch again. Batch. So what else happened on Marriage Medicine or should we move on to? Marriage medicine. I learned a lot about people getting penises in every hole that they've got, which is something that has been kind of on every show recently and like a lot of sex talk with these women. And look, fine, you know, everyone has sex. I get it. That's great, but really gross. Like I always think that that's women trying to prove that they're not going through menopause when they start talking about sex all the time. They're like, yeah, I like it on my ear. And it's like, yeah, because your vagina is like a prune pit. Okay. Stop talking about it in public. No one cares. Hey, at least we're not watching them get there if JJ is waxed. Yeah, that's true. Like on every other show. Yet. Yeah. Because that happens every season. So give them time. Give them time. Yeah. And apparently like a like a like a baby robot is not the new thing to a baby or robot baby, I should say. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Those babies that look real. Always. Yeah. They're gross. I saw some women in Starbucks today. I mentioned Starbucks twice. You're welcome, everybody. But this couple, actually, and they had a little baby. He was spilling shit and the woman seriously little cut, she was going to put her head through the plate glass window. She looked like she was going to break down and I go, don't worry. They're all like that because I feel like they're more mothers of these little babies. They take it so personally like, my baby's a shit itself. They all do that. It's nothing you're doing wrong. They're awful, awful little things. Okay. That's just how they go. Yeah. Let's move on. Yeah. They really are. So what else do we have here? Real housewives of orange county. Oh my God. Just one, just a fabulous episode. So hilarious. This is the episode of trying to make mountains out of mole hills. Okay. Oh my God. Where there is nothing really going on. So everybody's fighting over stupid things. I love that we're allowed to just hate Heather now. Like I love that everybody's just completely on board with making Heather Corolla develop. Yeah. Well, you know, the episode started with her recounting the tales of whoa that occurred when she was someone dained to ask her to move down, take a take a different seat. And I love how she's telling terrorists. She's like, yeah, well Shannon came out of the bathroom and I just have never seen anything like this. She was yelling at me the entire time like, get out of my seat, get out. And I was like, actually scared and then they cut to a flashback of Shannon just like walking at the bathroom like, Oh, Heather, you're in my seat, you know? She hit me the way that she beat me. She wouldn't stop. It was awful. I felt like Rodney King in the middle of the street and a bunch of cops surrounding me. I mean, it was horrible. And her children are like, wow, what a bitch. Yeah. Meanwhile, I love how some of our readers pointed out because I totally noticed it too. That while she was telling the story, Heather was making some sort of party favors that were like raw oatmeal like in a bag. It's like, yeah, that sounds about right. Like a cookie. No, you're not going to get cookie. You're just going to get like just plain old oatmeal in a bag with a bow. Yeah. Merry Christmas. She's awful. And poor Terry, you know, every episode where Heather gets to talk, I mean, Heather has so many children that I feel like in their real life, whether it's not cameras around, he doesn't really talk to her. I feel like he leaves early in the morning. He works all day. He fucks somebody at night. He comes home at like nine. He's like, hi, what's up? And she's like, well, you would not believe what happened in carpool today. I pulled in there with our driver and we had to wait in my friend three hours and he just falls asleep. And that's it. Yeah. But here he actually has to pretend he's listening to her because they're on a show about, I guess, relationships and he looks like he wants to just kill himself. He's literally, he opens his mouth and he's literally biting his tongue like you see his tongue being bit. You know, he's so jealous of Vicki being able to tell Heather to move down and see. He's like, oh, I wish I could tell my wife to do something. I wish anything even meant scooting over a little bit. But the fact that she was so like, so completely off base with her retelling of the story shows how crazy she is. She's truly nuts. And she did it like three times this episode, which was hilarious. It just kept showing her telling lies and then sowing to fruit. Yeah. It makes me wonder she even was on Malibu country. No, wouldn't watched it. So there's no one to argue with it. I, you know, everything she said about Sarah Roo. I now have to rethink. I'm texting Sarah, just kidding. Heather, no tongue. Well, why did I put Heather note? Oh, because the daughter tried to tongue kiss the husband. That was a weird to that was really weird. Yeah. That was, that was a bit much, yeah. Breaking ground. Okay, breaking ground on your new fucking mansion. That is the tackiest party ever. Who does that? You break ground on a children's hospital or you break ground on like a new supermarket that's going to affect the community. You don't have a breaking ground party for a fucking mansion. You dumped what? Who does that? I, I agree. It didn't really offend me. I'm like, oh, well, I mean, it seems unorthodox. But it didn't really bother me. And I, I actually thought the whole down theme was a good idea. And I thought it looked fun and looked good. But you know, this is Heather. And she is so hyper organized and her version of fun is so not fun. It's like, oh, now is the, now is the schedule of five minutes where you can, when you can be spontaneous, you know? And then after that, we get back to our regular programming. She's so down. And then she wears a black funeral dress, like from live of Fraser's closet. She doesn't wear anything cowboy. She's like, well, this necklace is really big. But, but it's not a cowgirl. Well, I, I, I, I forget I was going to say that you're pouring water. You're pouring yourself some water. I hear it. I'm actually not pouring myself water. I'm sitting. That's a drill in the background. Oh, it is? That's the, again, that's the, again, it's the sound of my brain being drilled in half by Heather Dubrow. Oh, that reminds me, speaking of your brain splitting into for no reason, I saw MJ the other day in your neighborhood when I was driving. Wow. Really? That was like fireworks were going up on that ass. She was wearing these spandex pants, these bright yellow spandex pants with like black triangles, which was eerily reminiscent of Fred Flynn Stone's pattern, except it was yellow instead of like orangeish brown. And she was walking her little dogs with a full face of makeup. And I just, God bless her. You know, sometimes it's important to do good Samaritan acts, you know, just to be a normal, happy human and doing good things for other people makes good things in your life. And I just wanted to pull over and say, please don't wear spandex. Do it for you. You're welcome. You just keep driving. I need to do a good deed. 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So anyway, so the first big controversy with this hodown was that Heather wanted to have an actual ceremony of sorts where they take all these notes. People are supposed to come into the hodown, write some well wishes on a piece of paper, put it in a jar, it's going to get buried in the foundation, like a time capsule, and then they're going to like dig into the ground and then a bulldozer is going to do something, whatever. It's going to be a ceremony. So the party starts at noon. The ceremony is at one. The ceremony which is also not on the invitation. So anyway, Heather is furious at Shannon because it's one o'clock and Shannon hasn't shown up and Shannon is allegedly in the same community. And so they start the ceremony and Shannon walks up in the middle of the ceremony and Heather's pissed off. But I say fuck Heather, you know why? Because it's a hodown and like it's like a hodown's are like barbecues, like you sort of like meander in when you meander in. There's no, you don't come right at the very beginning. And second of all, if you're having the ceremony where people are cramming notes into a jar, why do the ceremony an hour into the event? Like do it at the end after you've accumulated as many well wishes as possible. And you know who's never on time, cowboys. Okay. This is not some real fucking cowboy. You're in like a $10 trillion house on top of a hill overlooking an ocean. Get over yourself, you dumb. Oh, okay. This well-wishing thing. I love that she has to specify that she's like, okay, well, we wanted to have all our friends over it because we needed you guys to write well wishes from our friends and family because well wishes need to be under the well wishes family, well wishes. I know Betty White was like, sorry bitch, I'm never coming to another thing of yours. And I hope, I don't know if they had a scene that they cut or had it, because you know she read everyone that went into the ground and you know like over 70% of them were like you're a stupid twat and your face looks scary, stop it. Right. They're like, Dear Evil Queen from Snow White, best of luck with your new house. But they're like, Dear Durbel who got shoved up Richard Giers ass in the 90s. I hate you and your entire fucking family. I hope your daughter and your husband tongue kissed themselves into an early grave. Die bitch. Love Betty White. Dear, dear Ice Queen of Orange County, I hope your husband gives you many dirty sandwiches. Love your neighbor. The bitch. Dear Terry Hatcher, when she turned into the Evil Mother from Coraline, I hope your tight ass gets rammed by a woodchuck and then you spontaneously combust and you die. Love Jane Campion. Dear Magica Dispel, I hope that your house crumbles and falls into the ocean. Love everyone. What's the point of quitting smoking if you're going to have smokers lungs until the day you die? I don't know, Ronnie. That's just my question, guys. That is my question. Anyway, so horrible and so this whole hoe down is trying to be this fight between Heather and Heather is assuming that her friends Vicki and Tamara are going to be on her side. But Vicki and Tamara hate this bitch now that they're friends again and want to throw her into a fire. So they're not going to be on her side. Well, it was a whole big high school disaster, middle school thing because what happened was everything was fine and then Tamara says to Shannon, "Why were you so late?" And then Heather happens to walk by and be like, "Yeah, why were you so late?" And Shannon's like, "Well, the kids were still in practice. We couldn't get here until now." And then Heather does that annoying thing where she was like, "I just wish you would have told me because we were waiting for you and we would have started if we didn't, if we had known. I just wish you would have told me. That's all." And of course that is of Shannon, which then she turns to her husband and is like, "Well, thanks a lot, David. I told you we should be here leaving at 12 PM and thanks a lot, David." Yeah, thanks for getting me in trouble with Heather DuBrow, David, not even saying anything and taking the blame for it and I can be there at all, never holding me, never telling me I'm pretty, never making me feel special. Thanks a lot for making me be a cunt to you so I would feel special and get some attention for you, David. Well, why don't you lower the chandelier even slower, David?" So I'm sorry it was late, but David was trying to change a bulb on the chandelier and it took 18 hours because he's a fucking idiot who pays me no mind. And then I told him to bring some wine for the party and he brought back a traveler-sized wine and I don't know what he was thinking, but I have to go to Dr. Moon now to come down. So then Shannon was like, "I'm sorry, it was three hours late, but I had an Asian thumb up my ass." I'm sorry I lost my children, it turns out they were hiding from me in their secret to room and David was no help whatsoever. Yeah, Shannon, the thing about Shannon is she's surrounded by so many bitches that you just want to root for her because in her diary room session she's so funny and normal, but then she's not at all, she's like the craziest one probably out of all of them and the most insecure and she's such a ball buster to her husband. She's kind of the worst, but she's also so entertaining that you've got to be behind her, right? Oh no, I love Shannon and I love it so then she pulls Vicki away and she's like all rattled, they go to a bar and she's like, "I'm feeling very misunderstood right now because I told my husband we have to be ready and he's like, 'No, we can't be rich until 12th, 30th and what am I supposed to do now? We got her to bro, yeah, I don't want to be the one that ruined the whole down. I don't want to be the one." And Vicki's like, "Yeah, my husband called me a fucking bitch in public and we were swingers together and he ended up fucking the girls and leaving me out of it completely, so you want to complain about your problems? My current boyfriend suggested that my son-in-law rape my daughter-in-law just to shut her up. You want to still complain to me about your horrible life on a hill?" My dad is moving to Oklahoma, like I have to go to Oklahoma now, you want to complain to me about that? No one even goes through that musical anymore. I don't even know why it's called a musical in the first place. They should just like, pick it out of the Library of Congress and just throw it in the ocean. Throw it out! You know, the only important part of Oklahoma is the first letter, zero. Okay, Elliot, that's what I think. Yeah, that's my line. So she goes to complain to Vicki about the most stupid and marital problems in the world, and then the husband, David, is there talking to some hot blonde, having shots, completely ignoring his wife, which, I mean, who wouldn't, his wife is a fucking nagging catastrophe. So he's like trying to pretend that he's rich enough to have this young woman and taking shots. And then Vicki's, and then she gets mad, she's like, "David, just for the future, it would be a wiser view to remember that you shouldn't be taking shots with a model while your wife is standing right there and you're making her feel left out and not even offering her a shot." And he's like, "Well, dear, you're completely right as usual. I'm really sorry and you're, I'll do whatever you want forever. You're completely right." And she's like, "He's an awful man." Awful man! He was right though, I mean, he was crazy flirting with that girl. He's like, "Hey, you want another shot? You want another shot? You want to hang out? You want to go have sex?" And she's like, "I'm right here." He's like, "Do you like chandeliers? I've got one that moves." Slowly baby. And she's like, "David, before you show a chandelier to another woman, maybe you might want to introduce me first." Um, yeah, she, I would keep on her. Yeah. How about you? Yeah, probably. Who wouldn't have gotten married to her in the first place, although she is loaded. So while this is all happening, meanwhile, then Tamara and Vicky are staring at the pot because then they're like, "Well, you know, Shannon just feels really bad because... Dada, da, da, da." And then Heather, like you said, like they become, it becomes basically a game of telephone. And Heather's talking about how rude it is and how rude, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then Heather goes to Terry, this is what cracks me up. Heather goes to Terry and keeps saying over and over again, like it just seems rude. You know, they live in the community and they're an hour late. It's just rude, it's just rude. And he's like, "Yeah, that's rude. That's rude." Because he knows, he's like programmed like a robot to say exactly what she wants to hear. And then she takes that and goes back to the other woman and says, "Even Terry, who notices nothing, was like, 'Wow, that's rude.'" I'm like, "No, he didn't say that's rude because he thought it was rude. He said it. That's rude because if he said, 'Oh, I think it's okay, then you would have been yelling at him for the next week.'" Yeah, he would have been paying for that for the next one. Remember when you were so awful and you took the side of those evil rude people at my party that I even got you onion rings for and then you had sex with somebody behind a haystack and then you threatened to divorce me and then you had a slave. It's like, "Jesus, never this happened! What is going on in your brain?" Remember when you took that rifle out and tried to shoot me? Oh, no. Do you remember when you tried to decapitate that maid at the hoe down? I was like, "What are you talking about?" When you hurled a grenade at the mechanical bull, that was just inappropriate. Oh, so the mechanical bull part. So I was cooking some mushroom soup, which turned out not very good because apparently you should not saute mushroom. I mean, you shouldn't saute onions for mushroom soup because it tastes like onion soup with mushrooms in it. Okay? There's your tip, guys. There's my Maya Angeli tip for the week and cooking. The onion and the mushroom are friends and kind, but beware, the onion. I was checking the caramelization on my onion, so I missed this, but did somebody set somebody else up? Oh, my God. I can't believe you missed this. So they were all doing the mechanical bull, and, you know, it was just a typical mechanical bull thing. Heather gets on there, and she becomes convinced, first of all, that it was going faster for her, which is a lie. It was going as fast as for anyone else, just that when you get on a mechanical bull, it goes a little faster than you might expect, even when it's going slowly, but so she immediately thinks that someone's out together. She thinks that Tamara has somehow caused the mechanical bull to go faster. So then Tamara gets on, and Heather says explicitly, you see her saying it, and she's like, "Turn it up. Make sure it goes fast. Make sure it goes fast." So Tamara's on there, and she gets flung off, and she lands awkwardly or she gets bopped on the arm, and she thinks she's broken her arm. And then Heather's like, "Why was it going so fast? She shouldn't have been going that fast. Fire him." She literally says, "Fire him," about the guy, the poor dude who's running this bull. And, of course, Tamara goes off and goes to the urgent care, and she's fine. She basically has a bruise, but Heather kept on being like, "I can't believe this happened. I wonder how this could happen. I can't believe you would make it go so fast." I'm like, "Bitch, you were the one who told him to go faster." Oh, what a bit. She's going to get it at the reunion. Oh, big time. Oh, man, I wish I had seen it because I totally would have read the Bravo blogs this week because you know Tamara's like, "You bet, you bet." And by the way, Olivia Gordon, I'm sorry, Olivia Cordon said, "Are these women just dumb, dumb, dumb? The only one who had good sense was Lizzie, who said to ice it, aka Tamara's arm." And by the way, if Tamara's arm was broken, she would have been screaming bloody hell. Dr. Terry should know this, right? You're right. Like, I feel like there were multiple doctors there who could have been like, "Oh, you're probably okay." If you want to know how good of a doctor Dr. Terry is, look at his wife's frightening fucking face. That man doesn't know what he's doing. Just because he does it to a lot of people and makes a lot of money doing it, doesn't mean he's good at it. Heather seriously looks, she looks, I don't even know how to explain it. She looks like one of those little sock puppets that you glue marbles onto for the eyes. She's crazy looking. She looks like, what were those puppets from the '80s? Like a Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher, and they were used in the Land of Confusion video? Dr. Terry Oh, yeah. They had like a whole show on those, didn't they? Dr. Terry Yeah, they did. That's what she looks like. Dr. Terry Oh, God. I'm looking right now at bravatv.com. You're welcome, bravo, for that plug to our millions of lists. Dr. Terry Spitting Image. By the way, it was a British puppet thing. They're called Spitting Image. Dr. Terry Spitting Image. I was in the middle of Shannon and Heather, so I thought the headline would be Tamara. Heather's a fetch, so never mind, I'm not even reading this, I don't care. But I love that Tamara is reveling in the fact that she is not the villain. She has nothing to do really with any fights. The only fight she had was with Heather, and it was over in two seconds because she didn't fight her, and she's kind of being the nice one, which is a really odd spot for her to be in. Dr. Terry Well, by the way, Heather's blog, here's the headline, here's the headline for Heather's blog this week, Heather. Here goes the double standard, and then here's the deck. Heather continues to wonder why everything she does is picked apart, but everything Vicki does. Okay. Dr. Terry By the way, no, everything Vicki does gets picked apart also, and this, again, just goes to show the problem with Heather is that she thinks somehow she is more the center of people's attention or sort of attention than anyone else. Now you're only the center of attention because you're so awful, Heather, and in fact is awful. In her very first paragraph, third sentence, she says, "When the episode begins, I'm making reindeer food with Katarina in the kitchen as I talk to Terry. Kat had an assignment to bring in a family holiday tradition to school, and this is what she chose. It's very cute, and you can check out my website for details at HeatherDeBro.com. So if you want to know how to put oatmeal into a bag, go to HeatherDeBro.com and you'll have to learn it all. That's called working on your career people. It's called career building. Reindeer food. What the fuck up lady? Okay. So the best thing to me is now that we're doing it, it's going to be my new favorite thing is just reading the headlines of all the blogs, okay? Yeah. So, Shannon Bedor, the real housewives of Orange County, Shannon wonders why she was singled out. Heavenly. I had too much wine, Heather. Here goes the double standard, Fredrick. What's about to get dark? Lisa wants everyone to own their truth. Own your truth. Just don't own your cancer. Ramona. I never called Kristen a bad mom, Sonia. Kristen's being immature. Heather tries to outsmart old Fox Ramona. She calls it her old in her title. Kristen, Josh and I are in the trenches. I'm loving this. It's like you don't even have to read their whole thing. You get everything from the title. Now, oh wait, here's Heather's defense of her turning up the bowl, whatever. She goes, "I got the safest mechanical bowl imaginable. Bouncy house material all around it. I am safety girl. Let's be clear about on something. I was joking when I told the guy I'd turn it up. He didn't even speak English and it was before she got on the bowl. If I had actually turned it up and she got hurt, I would have been apologizing profusely. It all seems so much faster when you watch it. I am very sincere when I'm asking if someone told the operator to turn it up because I thought it happened to me as well. I didn't even remember making the joke when all this happened. I know it looks funky to hear me say, "Who could have done that when it looked like it was me?" All I can say is after drinking champagne all day, I just didn't remember making the joke. Obviously, I must have had a bad case of champs. Yeah. God. Thank God. I have Chairman's arm. Here's Quads. Quads says Mariah is categorically closed. By the way, but I love what's her face, stupid Heather is saying, "Listen, if I had turned it up, of course I would have been apologizing." No, that would not hold up in a court of law, "Oh, of course you would have been. Oh, never mind." The whole point is that you want to get back at her and you're an ice cold bitch. She's really going against Tamara thinking that Tamara is going behind her back and doing all this shit. Tamara's actually not. She's doing her best to not turn against Heather. You can see her wanting to, but she's not really going full force and turning against her, but she's going to now that she sees all this shit that Heather's saying. When she's with Terry and she's like, "Well, my life is full and I don't need these idiot or whatever she's saying about that group of friends. It's not going to bode well for Heather." I can't wait. I'm just mad at her for using the word "Chamnesia" in her blog in all caps. Champs. Champsnesia. It's like the worst pun of all time. All right, excuse me, why don't we move on to New York? Well, here's a segue, Sonya's blog title, Sonya. I run deep. Oh. Yeah, about as deep as a puddle. Yeah, not so Sonya. So this week centered around me, Lou, the death of me, Lou, which happened 18 years ago and we still haven't gotten over on this show. I mean, Jesus Christ, that dog was 500 pounds and it had mange. It's lucky to live as long as it did. She should have stepped on that little fucker years ago. Yeah, I mean, I get some of the things that she was saying that it's more than a dog. It gets a tie to a different time in her life. It's a tie to, like, when her marriage was good, when she was financially solvent, when she was no longer in great gardens. Like, I get that and how things have been tough and it was like the only thing that was there for her unconditionally. So I get that, but it's also been two years. And you know what else does you unconditionally? A goldfish because it's stuck in a fucking little bowl. It can't get out. It's waiting for you to get home so you will feed it. Okay? I'm a dog person. You know I love my dogs, but come on now. They love you because they fucking have to. That's the point. It's like an indentured servitude, like, where's he going to go? Where's Bueller going to go? Honestly. I ask him that sometimes when he gives me side eye. I'm like, what's your other option, Bueller? You're going to get a job and learn how to open a door knob and carry a key? No. You're stuck here. So be nice. I mean, basically Milo's bit is essentially one of Sonya's interns except maybe perhaps a little smarter, you know? That's the only difference here. And the point is that they are in an indentured servitude. And it's also like, no offense, it's a dog. I mean, we love our pets. I do. I mean, I was a mess when Zina died for like a month and still will become a mess if I think about it too much. And if Bueller died, oh my God, forget it. He's my little prince. But the whole like, he loved me unconditionally. Yes, that's true. But I don't know. It's just so sad. It's like gathering all of your friends around to watch you sob about how much your life sucks. It's just. Well, how about her spiritual healer who came in and like shined these random lights on her and you bang a little drum and little cymbals? It was like the and all this person did was say, like, do you feel a weight? Do you feel a weight? And so he was like, yes, I feel something. The woman's like pressing on her chest. She's like, now what? What are you feeling now? It's like it just is so, it was so ridiculous. Ramona being mean to me. Ramona using me. I'm like, what is Ramona using you for? Exactly. I mean, come on. She's awful. But what is she using you for? Get some insomnia for a thing. And then when she's fighting about the young guy that she's having or that she was having sex with it, Ramona broke up and she's like, but you know, he's he's saying he loves me. He loves my daughter. And you ruined it. I'm like, honey, if he loved you, he wouldn't have just stopped calling you. You would have it least gotten like a Facebook something. I mean, yeah, you have got an edible arrangement. He's like, here's a camelope shaped like a flower petal by has been all my allowance on this by bitch. Yeah. So that was pretty sad and so, yeah, like her ex interns who knew me Lou had to be there to help her and she's like, Oh, look at this one. This one we call Melba because she used to bring me tea. I just I thought it was funny that she did like you're right, like all these former interns came back to the nest for this like momentous occasion and she still doesn't know their names. This is Melba because she used to bring me tea. Remember when you used to bring me tea? All memories. Wow. We've had such good times together. And meanwhile, she takes me was ashes and pours my all over the sidewalk. I love Harry Dubin. I love that Harry Dubin's like, really? Fucking program. Come on. Okay. Meanwhile. Yes. As be of Harry Dubin, we also had the return of Aviva and her disgusting father George. And you know what? Like last year, it was like, it was like, he was such a perv. It was like sort of funny. But this year, I feel like the joke is up and now it's just annoying and really gross to me. Well, yeah, it's not a joke. It's just how he is. It's disgusting. He's fucking disgusting. He like find some young vulnerable girl, his parents are dead and he's like, I'll take care of you honey. He's like, okay, and he was like the most half-assed engagement, like, proposal of all times. Like, so here's a box. You want to get married? Yeah. She's like, okay, let's do it. Yeah, that was pretty horrifying and George talking about the mirror on his bed. Honestly, I just, I don't even really want to talk about George, he's gross. I wonder what Fran Drescher thinks about him. She must hate him. Oh, yeah, I don't know that Fran Drescher probably sees anyone very much. And, you know what, Fran Drescher is pretty insufferable too because she started doing this thing where she thinks she's like a politician, you know, she's one of those people who's been on TV so she thinks she's smart and it's like, honey, you're on TV playing like the biggest bimbo of all time. You're not smart. She's like, well, here's what I think about energy conservation. It's like, no, no one cares, please stop. I had no idea that Fran Drescher had a political agenda. She does. I'm like, that's just the girl from UHF. UHF. She was in that. I know. But, wow. What a cast. It was, it was her and Victoria, um, uh, print the, no, no, no, you know, Victoria and the crazy. And now, right? Who's also become very political in the worst way. Oh, yeah. Victoria Jackson. Yeah. She's like crazy right wing, uh, Victoria Jackson and, uh, Michael Richards. And, really, Yankovic. Yeah. What more could you ask? And also that rock and roll movie, uh, that docu comedy thing. What was that? Uh, spinal tap. This is spinal tap. Yeah. Oh, Fran. Just be quiet. Our point is Fran. Be quiet. Okay. If Fran Drescher was in spinal tap. I think so. You know, I've never, I've only seen parts of spinal tap. I haven't seen all of it. How dare you? I know. And I've seen all the other Christopher Guest things. So it's, it's, it's bizarre. What do you think? What's happened to Christopher Guest? I haven't seen a funny Christopher Guest in a while. Well he has a, he had a TV show of some sort. Wasn't that, that thing that Ireland finding your family in Ireland or something? I think that was a big fail. I couldn't watch that one. I don't know. Come back to us. Come back to us. You're one of the brilliant minds of our generation. Come back. So anyway, speaking of brilliant minds, so, um, I guess nothing really happened that of Eva's dinner party, it was just basically George being a perv and everyone being disgusted by him, right? Yeah, he's gross. Okay. Now let's move on to Carol. Because he was my favorite part of the episode. So Carol's like, I'm not very organized, so I want an assistant. So I put it on the Twitter that I want an assistant and I'm using Ramona as a hostage. And a bunch of, a parade of crazies came through to interview to be Aviva's, I mean Carol's assistant. Yeah. I'd say you. Well, um, first of all, it takes a lot of balls to interview people at Ramona's office. That to me was the funniest thing. And I love to have like, during all the entire process, Ramona kept swinging around in her chair being like, Oh, well, no, it's just like, you don't have your resume. I mean, you need to have a resume. Like, you know, the only reason why I don't have a resume is because my father used to always go out for a job. So, okay. So when he went out for a job, he would need a resume and it's very painful for me to have a resume. But you should have a resume. One time I remember when I was young, my mom wanted to get out of the house and start working at the Berkshires because she was really depressed at home. And so she typed up a resume and my father came home and he grabbed a resume and he hit her on the head with it. And it's, you know, now when I see resumes, I get super depressed. You know, growing up, my father, he loved, he loved French food. He would always eat nothing but French food croissants and a two phase, everything that was French, he would eat. So now to this day, anything that's French, I can't deal with, okay. So one of those things is a resume because that's a French word. I can't have a resume, I'm sorry, I have a resume, I'm sorry. You know, even when you press stop on the VCR and you're waiting to start big business all over again. And it's just up there and it says resume, I keep thinking of resume and I start crying. My least favorite month of the year is May because it rhymes with resume. And often, when during May, I always think that this is actually a month when my father comes back from the dead and tries to hand me his resume because I'm a very successful woman, okay. Because my mother always said, you always have to have your own business, okay. But I will not take my father's resume because he was very abusive to me. Oh my God, uh, Ramona, first of all, Ramona don't have an office, what does Ramona need an office for? Well, she has to do, sell her skin care, well I have my skin care and I have my jewelry and I also sell fitness regimens now. And I sell my wine and my other spirit, my rosé, it's very important. I have to sell these things and I need an office. That's what you do. Oh gosh, she doesn't do anything. Does she have other people doing that for her? She's Avery maybe. It's good to cry. So she was interviewing people and Carol's questions, of course, were like, have you ever read my book? Do you know who the candidates are? On what date do you first fuck a guy? Did you come during this interview? Do you take your dentures out to give a blowjob? Do you use a dental dam on your cereal spoon? I don't know why she would do that, but it's a question, that's all. I don't give dirty sand cheeses. I don't even think she ever hired anybody, but that was the most fun part for me to watch. I don't know why. Just because eight Carol needs an assistant, she doesn't really do anything. Yeah. Well, hopefully she hired the one girl who actually read her book. You know she didn't. You mean the girl from ABC? Yeah. No, I don't think she actually read it. She should have given her a test. Okay, so here's a test on my book. If you've read it, you'll know the answers. How many times have I stuck my own toe in my vagina? How many times have I stuck JFK Jr's toe in my vagina? What was Robert's nickname for me? How much fuel goes in it in a small privately owned airplane from the 60s? When you think of rancid trout, what does it make you think of? Ranted trout. Oh Carol, what else happened in this real housewives of New York? I didn't write it. Well, so the other thing that happened was that. So Kristen was hired to do this exercise video. And so then her husband Josh, who as she pointed out, had no time to come home to tend to their son's therapy, but then all of a sudden was lingering around her video shoot. And in between takes, he was like, oh, I hope this helps her get rid of her pooch, or how long until she gets rid of her pooch, or things like that. Like, oh well, she'll be exhausted soon if the Spartan race is any indication. She's just being like a total asshole. They're like, make an effort. He's like, don't have her make an effort. She'll just quit. Ouch. He's such a dick. Like, she was like, albunding her the whole time, for a thing. And he sits there with his stupid smile on his face. Yeah. I know kids like, I feel like I grew up with kids like that, kids like that from my Hebrew school. I'm not saying this from an anti-Semitic place, but there is like a certain brand of Jewish kid that I know, and who are so insecure that they just are very nasty. It doesn't have to be that they're Jewish, really. But I see in Josh, I've seen a lot of kids I remember from my Hebrew school. He's fucking awful. You could be Christian and awful, too. Don't worry. Don't worry. With those half-closed eyes, he's so arrogant. But he's saying, I feel like I get to oversee you, because he got her the job. And that's the thing with people like Heather. It's like, she's with somebody who's blatantly abusive to her. For Tristan. Yeah, whatever. She looks like a Heather, doesn't she? Kind of. Blonde hair. Blonde. But I'm turning into Vicki. What's your name? I can't remember. It's too hard. But, you know, I mean, I just go on the same rant every week with her. But basically, she, you know, she marries an old grout who's rich, and she's still letting him get her jobs. It's like, that's not the way to not be controlled. Well, no, but listen, it's okay to like use your connections to get a job for your wife or your spouse or whatever, but he doesn't have to be there for like, he can, you should be at work. Well, you know, that's ridiculous. Yeah. But what I'm saying is if she needs to escape her husband, she needs to like, go out and start getting jobs for herself and not being relying on that pig. That guy's disgusting. She shouldn't even be with that guy. And I have a feeling she signed a prenup because otherwise, who would still be with him? Yeah. I agree. I think he's actually a vile human being. Yeah. He really is. I don't think I have any, I don't. I hate any of this. Like a sad note. It's like, oh, Ramona ships by everybody seems Ramona and Sonya buried the hatchet. And let's see. Did Heather do anything? No. I don't think Heather did anything. She was just being like, motherfucker this, motherfucker that. What kind of little pookiness? Oh, you're so sweet. You're so pretty. I mean, she and she loves talking about the singer, the singer, Stinger. I'm like, I don't, I have not actually accepted that as a Ramona ism. Yeah. That's another stamp. Yeah, because it's like exactly because it's what Kristen was retelling what happened with Ramona when they met last week and how Ramona couldn't believe that someone would call her a monster. And then Heather's like, well, she has many names, like singer, stinger, copyright 2014 by Heather Thompson. We got it. And also, well, my favorite of those was Luan's Ramona, Pinopolar. You know, Ramona, I mean, Luan loves this because, you know, Luan despises Ramona. And she just loves watching all the girls go after her. Yeah. She doesn't even have to do anything. I miss Luan. I want her to be on the show full time. No, they better bring her back next season as a full-time guest. I want to know what's happening with Jacques and her children. Jacques, be friendly, Jacques, be whatever, but Jacques is no more. I'm sorry. I tried to do a nursery rhyme and I kind of just lost steam midway through. Well, you know what? You know who else tried to rhyme and lost steam? Maya Angelou, which brings us full circle. She truly lost her steam from the beginning of our podcast. So everybody, thanks so much for listening. You can find the show every week on Stitcher, wherever else. You can find us online and come talk to us about all the shows the nights that they air and come talk about the stuff you want to talk about on the podcast at facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins. You can also tweet us @whatcrapins on the old Twitter and you can find Ben in all the social media outlets at @bsideblog. And you can find me Ronny Karam on Vine at Ronny Karam, on Twitter @ Ronny Karam or trash tweet TV or Instagram @trashtalktv or Tumblr @trashtalktvrecapskah. Thank you guys so much for being here. We will see you next time. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for it. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, Slicing driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. 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