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What a wonderful Mardi Gras. What a wonderful Mardi Gras. What a wonderful Mardi Gras. Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Watch What Crappins Podcast. A podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV. And with me is Ben Mandelker at B-Side Blog. Hello, Ben. Hey there. And we have a special guest today. She is a recapper from Trash Talk TV. Right now she's doing Southern Charm. And she was doing Bandart Pump Rules before that. And her name is Alexandra August. Hello, Al. Hello, Al. Welcome. It's your first time. I know it is. I'm really nervous. Did you bring a condom? Your podcast. Sure. I'm not sure it's about to be broken. Yeah. Our podcast firm does not make podcasts. But you don't worry. You'll be fine. This isn't Southern Comfort. Good. I can't take care of anything but myself right now. You can find me on Twitter at Trash Tweak TV to find recap stuff. And my personal is at Ronnie Caron. And what else? I've been doing Tumblr. That's really fun. It's Trash Talk TV recaps. I've been making a lot of gifts and stuff. And you can find Ben at B-side blog pretty much everywhere online. B-side blog.com on Twitter. B-side at least I blog on Facebook at B-side blog at Instagram at B-side blog. Everywhere. Grindr. B-side blog. B-side blog. All of that. Scruff. B-side blog. Yeah. Craigslist. V-side blog. M-side blog. M-side blog. Yeah. I actually sign my M-side blog. My anonymous connections I actually sign B-side blog. I go against the rules. Alex, what is your Twitter handle? My Twitter handle is AlexAugust, A-L-X August. And honestly, I'm bad at the Twitter. So if you really just, if you can just not go on it, just go on Trash Talk TV and follow my recaps because literally the only thing I tweet is my recaps. Yeah. Talk closer to here when you talk, or talk louder. I'll probably just talk louder. Yeah. We're sharing a mic. So sorry about that. Yeah. And my mic isn't working. So the audio is all wonky on this episode. Yes. This is a great start everybody. I know. I'm feeling very chippy today. I'm proud to announce that about half an hour ago. It's only about noon today and I've already snapped at one of our listeners on the Facebook page today. You did? Why? Well, Matt would field in me today. Who are you telling off on Facebook? Now I have to go look. Oh, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com/watchworkcrapins and on Twitter at WhatCrapins. And that's enough of that Twitter crap. It wasn't like a big tell off, but like everyone's, you know, we have a recurring guest, Katie, who Ron and I are friends with and we've known for a while and we really like Katie. And it's really nice when she's able to come on the podcast with us. It always helps us. We always like having a third person helps us as podcasters. It's, we just like it. And Katie has, I guess some people are just not big fans of hers, which is fine. You don't have to like all of our guests. Although I'm sure Alex will be nothing but a stellar hit. But people are like, well, she's, she's polarizing me on you. She's ruining the podcast. She's doing this. She's doing that. Like she's, you know, and she's always pushing her agenda. I'm like, she has no agenda. Her agenda is that she was sitting around and we're like, Hey, can you come talk about Bravo? She's like, okay, sure. She does have us a favor for us. So it's all this like, this like, yapping about Katie is starting to annoy me. So that's why, that's why I snapped. But I think I'm niggling this on a Viva dresser because I think she, I'm, I'm, I'm in a Viva mood. Oh, good. Well, that'll make for a good podcast. So why don't we start off with Real Housewives of New York because that's the most recent one I watched because effing time Warner. Okay, look, I know that time Warner doesn't listen to this. But fucking time Warner. Okay. Stop paying for cable because you guys are fucking ridiculous. And I was still getting free basic cable just through the line and they switched everything to digital. And now I don't get anything but CVS. And when I called the complaint, the guy laughed at me on the phone and he was like, he was like, well, you don't pay for it. I was like, that's not the point. That's the principle. So now I cannot watch anything night of I have to wait for somebody to upload that shit. You know, this is going to ruin my podcasting schedule. It's going to ruin my recap schedule. And I'm not paying $40 a month to watch crap on Bravo. I'm not going to do it. Well, you know what? The sense of entitlement you have is great because that's really the spirit of a Bravo star. I should have a sense of entitlement. Fuck them for trying to make me pay. That shit has commercials. I have to sit there and watch commercials. I have to pay you now to watch commercials. That isn't bullshit. I'm old enough to remember when cable came out and they were like, this is great because people will pay for it. And you don't have to watch commercials. Remember that bullshit? And then we all got it and then they all started charging us. Fuckers. Yeah. Yeah. Look, we're all chippy today. Yeah. I'm really mad. Alex complained about something. It was really warm on my way to work today. And I thought I was going to get her faster. But I didn't. It's hot. It's hot now. Some are here. It's hot now. I wish it was back on the East Coast where there was snow. LA is so hard. Guys, at least in Patrick Day was just two days ago and now it's like boiling hot. It's crazy. Yeah. Not cute. Yeah. I had to go to the beach in February and I was really, really upset about it. Oh. How awful. I mean, it's best to be a brain. I do not have to get my bikini body already. Okay. So Real Housewives of New York. So Real Housewives of New York is starting off really, really great. Yeah. Last year, everyone was mad because Carol never said anything to anyone's face. It was, it was just all snarky remarks, you know, to us on the, on the little diary. I've thoroughly enjoyed. Frankly, Carol became my favorite housewife. Me too. But all the housewives complained at the reunion and now Carol has just come out swinging. She's already called it be the stupid bitch. But she has full reason to. I was surprised she didn't hit her this episode. Apparently she does next week, but we'll not really hit her, but she grabs her face. Good. It's that time someone grabbed that face and put a banner up on it and said, congratulations for making it to your new house. And having two eyes, but one leg. Okay. So if you guys don't watch it, Carol is a book writer and Aviva's going to write a book. And everyone hates Aviva already before anything even happened. And Aviva goes too much with Carol to, I guess, I don't even know what she was doing there and trying to get advice. I don't know what she was doing, but basically started hinting around that she didn't write her book. And then Carol's like, well, did you write your book? And she's like, yeah, it wasn't that hard. It was like writing emails and then an editor put it together. Yeah. So Carol's already pissed. And then Aviva, you know, felt the diss and went around telling everybody that she heard Carol had a ghost writer on her book. I had to tell you, within eight minutes of this episode, I was already cringing. And I knew it was just going to get, go to a worse and worse place in the best possible way when they had that, that lunch. And Aviva's talking about, oh, well, you know, writing, it's just like, it's just like writing an email. It's like very easy for me, you know, I'm not like, I'm not like Carol. I'm not, I don't, if someone says that to me, I'm like, fine, you know, like writing is writing, et cetera, et cetera. But I could see how Carol was getting so pissed off. And that was making me cringe. And then when, and then for Aviva to insinuate that Carol had a ghost writer, oh, I was like, this is going to be an episode. This season is off to great start. And then she like, first of all, and the, in the lunch she was, she totally, she dropped the single white female thing and then that's all I can think about for the rest of the lunch. And if you kind of are a creepy stalker with the glasses and everything. Oh, yeah, because Aviva showed up with our glasses. You remember when I like, loved you and was like stalking you and then I went and got your glasses? I mean, they're similar, but they're not exactly the same as the hell they're. I was like, well, I hope you didn't get my glasses because they're mine. I feel like in Carol's head, Aviva was like sneaking around, like she had a ninja leg on for this act, like sneaking around her house looking for her, like trying to pick up stuff, cutting up a lock of Carol's hair while she slept. You know, like this is, you know, now the second season in a row where someone's tried to steal Carol's style. I believe it was Luanne last season, who was like, I think like wore a capelet or something that Carol had worn and caused, caused Radzabel to bristle. Yeah. Well, Aviva, I'm so sick of how she's talking already. She sounds like an ambulance, like a really low tone ambulance coming down the street and everybody has to pull over. She can't like quite close her mouth. Every time she finished the sentence, her mouth kind of hangs open just a little bit and waits for the next one. I couldn't stop staring at that. I know it's weird, but I just couldn't stop looking at it. Well, there's there's something sort of hilarious about about a woman who's overtly kissing ass trying to get in everyone's good graces. And then the first thing she does after this lunch is start talking shit about Carol. And I'm sorry, I have to say the idea that nobody has dropped the word slander on Aviva like in the after this episode. I'm sorry, if you say that somebody didn't write a book, they said they wrote when they actively did like that's gotta be damaging to someone's career, at least it's gotta be possibly damaging to somebody's career. I'm shocked that nobody was like, maybe you should stop calling out Carol for something she clearly didn't like clearly didn't do. Well, she brought it up on the Bravo blogs. Someone put a link to the Bravo blogs for us and I read a little bit of it. I mean, Carol really goes off. It's like six pages, which I don't need. I don't need that much. I'm not reading that much about us. Sorry. But she did mention slander in that. So we'll see. Well, the thing is also that is funny is that Aviva, Aviva doesn't understand, I think what Carol is trying to say, which is that for 20 years she's been writing, even though it has not been as a book. You know, she's been writing columns. She's writing this or that and you do develop a voice and then you and then you the next step is you go to a book. Aviva is just like, oh, I'm gonna just write a book. So it's a natural question to say, oh, you're gonna have a ghost writer, someone who's experienced in taking your thoughts or whatever and like and writing it. And Aviva is shocked that that anyone would expect her to have a ghost writer and yet then she immediately goes and accuses Carol of having a ghost writer. I mean, it's totally bonkers. I think she's saying over and over again to defend herself. She's saying, well, you know, it takes a village to write a book and the fact that Carol said she doesn't have a ghost writer is ridiculous, but then the same rest she talks about how she's not doesn't have a ghost writer. So how can you do this whole village thing and then act like you're writing it alone. I think that pissed me off so much just the it takes a village to write a book takes a village to play. First of all, you aren't a writer you are in this industry at all so the idea that you're talking about it like you are was so so frustrating. And then the idea that she keeps banding around this phrase I just kept screaming like doesn't take a village to write a book takes a village perhaps to produce a book but there's one writer stop the stop saying that stop it right now. You've never written anything of you, but Bravo blogs do not count in a literary career and also like a village raising a child that never works out well either, you know, like what happened all these working parents looking at your children they're stealing cars. I don't think I've actually ever encountered a child that was raised by an entire village. And I think it probably wouldn't turn out as well as people say. Well, is it just the one child in the village that the village is raising that I was those may be curious like so you're raising a lot of children because then I feel like that's just a village with parents raising their children. And have you looked around your village lately because my village has like homeless people screaming at the sky and pooping on the sidewalk in front of you like anger pooping at me. Yeah, like I don't want a single child who's been raised solely by Los Angeles. Yeah, maybe maybe in like a little village somewhere. That child at like an exhibit of some kind I wouldn't want to do my child but if somebody else let Los Angeles raise their child I'd certainly be interested in seeing that and like you know an art installation. I feel like I feel like children raised by villages are like the kids on the pioneer woman and those kids creep me out. The pioneer woman that cooking show. Oh my god they're all homeschooled on the ranch. Isn't that that country singer and Garth Brooks wife. Okay, every single show on food network is like a country down home southern south cooking thing you know so I understand what you get confused but the pioneer lady is or pioneer woman I forget what it is. She she had a blog and now she has a show and basically she has these all these homeschool kids and they run from the Baptist on Sunday and her and her husband only eat steak. Oh, good. I mean how many different ways do you need to know how to mash a potato those stupid southern shows are all the same it's like we're going to make some fried chicken and cornbread so you've made that 20 times. No, we need more on a garden clones. Well I'm a garden it's like I don't need to see more pork loin either. I'll take pork loin over grits. Yeah, me too. I know I'm sorry I haven't had lunch by the way you know I feel like I'm very transparent on this podcast today like I'm I think I'm actually hangry. This is a hangry podcast. So what else about real house was in New York so book gate is going to be the fight obviously that lasts the whole season and I'm so glad to have a fight of actual substance because usually it's like you didn't come to my tea party and that's the fight of the whole season. So I'm actually glad that it's going to be something good and I'm glad that Carol's ready to kick some ass especially with a voice. I'm glad you said I had a ghost writer I wrote it myself. Awful bitch. I'm my own ghost writer. People work so hard to be writers we work for years and I own our craft. It's like your last book was about like the drive a giant is like moving up to do old guys shut up. It's the widow's guide to ghost writing. Yeah, this ain't like and I'm trying to think of a classic book and I can't this ain't tele to cities okay lady. This ain't Charlotte Bronte but that makes sense. This isn't the Bronte sisters this isn't Ethan from it's somewhere in the 21st century. I was watching before real housewives of New York started again they were showing all of last season I have little bugs up there what are those things. They were showing a clip I mean they were showing the last episode I guess and it was when Carol was reading the beginning of her book at that book party. It's like this is a story with a little water but on top of it. I don't want to read this book. What I love about this whole book gate thing is that they did flashback to the season premiere last season when Aviva so above and beyond kiss Carol's ass I mean she just went out of control to say how to do it. I'm not out of control to say how much she loved love this book and now she hears one rumor from this publishing house. And she's passing on like facts like if you love this writer and this is your friend wouldn't you sort of say well that's probably not true. I mean you have to also question the credibility of this publishing house they're saying that they rejected Carol's book and Carol's saying there was a bidding war. Maybe the publishing house has some sour grapes is that like isn't that like a possibility. Yeah well what what they're saying on the blog is that they that there was a bidding war they didn't been high enough so they lost it and also Bill is Carol's editor. So now so basically Aviva completely misconstrued an entire story because they basically probably said yeah Bill did a lot of editing on that. They made a remark like just a casual mark like he he practically wrote it because you know he probably was editing so much. And next thing you know if you was off and running with a gross writer saying she's a damn moron. I think the thing I like most about this fight is that Carol actually has no pun intended, I'll like to stand on I feel like in so many of these I feel like it's so many of these fights like the person who is actually angry is angry over something so ridiculous like no shut the fuck up you don't know what you're talking about this is industry standard like what like what she is so egregiously wrong and what she is saying that Carol is flabbergasted and actually pissed and has good reason to be like I loved watching it. Like oh my god you're in the right and you actually have a brain and your intelligence is so bad. Well you know it's like it's so rare that Carol actually you know is it gets mad and gets into a fight I don't think she got into a fight all of last season. And now and I don't think she's doing this because she's like oh season two I better step it up. She's in a fight like you said because she's just totally flabbergasted and she cannot believe this craziness. It's delicious but my favorite part was when Heather told Aviva what's your book going to be about your leg. Because when people aren't famous I mean he's going to read their book. And she's going to be with like less than Heather if I needed that people shape where advice I'll ask. Yeah but that being said like since when is Aviva an authority on writing books. That's meaning that's like that's the logic that Aviva is using that like Heather is the authority on squeeze where and that Aviva is now the authority on writing. Next season Aviva will come out with like a line of saran wrap that you can wrap around your way and she'll start telling how they're like Heather. By the way just so you all know there's something weird going on with my Skype and sometimes when you guys are talking I can't hear it so if I talk over you I apologize. Oh it's okay well hopefully you're cutting up on our end and people are just hearing us and then just some pauses. Maybe we're just all talking all at once just like one of these Housewives fights. Yeah you didn't come to my party you didn't come to my party you didn't come to my party you didn't come to my party. You know by the way you know what I love that book gate it somehow makes me feel very cultured. But I'm like oh I'm watching people like fight about literary things. New York is the most cultured of the shows I will say so this is completely appropriate. Yeah I mean I feel smarter now smarter and stupider at the same time. I'm about the same I watched Atlanta for the first time last night so now I'm and then but I also watching New York so I feel like I got a little dumber and a little smarter so I'm about equalized. I'm so glad this podcast will now take it all away. I love that the bar is so low that we're we feel smarter just by listening to someone talk about writing. Like none of us are actually reading anything. It's just all about like hearing people talk about books. I'm like this is smart here they talk about books on something we watch. Did you how do you guys feel about Kristen that's far because I kind of I kind of want to like take her home and make her my new pet she's really adorable she reminds me of a sweet little kitten funny rabbit kind of thing she's so earnest. I'm a big fan of her so far I think she's great. Yeah I love her too and I love her already because in the preview they keep showing Ramona apologizing to her for throwing a wine glass in her face. And she's like I'm really glad you apologized Ramona because otherwise you would be a monster and then just Ramona's face while she's chugging wine it makes it makes her one of my favorites. Like she thinks that if Ramona hadn't apologized Ramona would have transformed like grown some friends turn green and become an actual monster. Would you be surprised would you be surprised if I turn into a monster I'm a business woman and there's a big business and monsters Disney makes movies about them. My mother always said always had to be your own monster because you can't be reliant on another man to be your monster for you. I love her well you know Aviva's telling everybody that you didn't write your own book. Calm down. By the way one other thing about book eight that I forgot to mention I absolutely loved when Aviva did the whole Europe here and I'm down here and and Carol completely said that Kelly Benson was your gross writer I was like oh snap a Kelly Benson was the known zing made me very happy when I happened in my apartment hello. Well what's she saying she wasn't saying she was saying that she felt like Carol was acting that way towards her right yeah exactly. And then Carol interviews that she was like really probably been like maybe tell you that one before you did that. It was great and maybe happy maybe realize how great the New York City franchise is. They did show the previous for next week and it's Ramona crying about her fucking daughter going to. I know I'm so over it Bravo we don't care stop trying to make us think these ladies are useful enough to another kid is going to college it's ridiculous. Yeah I know I'm sick of watching the kids go to college I'm sick of watching the spray tanning which happened this episode and I'm sick of watching the vagina waxing which will I'm sure will happen in about three weeks. When Kristen actually said as she is damn your buff naked ass hanging out on national television says I feel like I'm on display. I get this strange feeling that people are watching me. Well she's used to the cameras but Sonia's literally standing there licking her chops like she's about to eat a cub. It's like a hyena like the little baby lion. Well you're right to be creeped out but not for the reasons that you are creeped out. Well Sonia is basically a horny old bat and as evidenced by the fact that she calls like her interns in and she's in. Like this very busy piece of lingerie and she's like asking to look like hey it looks good on me right looks good I mean like that would be sexual harassment in many situations. I wrote it in my notes God I hope that interns guy but I know he's not. So I'm reading the Facebook comments and you're getting in trouble on there. I am. So what else from New York. So we get to see Harry this season. Harry's going to be on a lot that old fucking bag, phone in half of New York City with his plugs hanging out. My God when these standards go that low. I mean those women would keep themselves together. Why don't the men have to keep themselves together. That guy looks like he's just he looks like an unfinished. What do you call those things where you like so pictures into like a cloth. Needle point. He looks like an unfinished needle point. It's like it's going to say home sweet home but nobody's finished it yet. How do you look like a slightly deflated bag of laundry. Okay so what else happened on this stupid show. Oh Aviva's son has a living room for a bedroom. Yeah that was very peculiar to me. I kept waiting for her to be like this is your room haha just kidding it's the den but they never said that. So I'm like did your child no longer need a bed. Is he so glued to like television and video games. You're like fuck it we'll just get him a couch. Well what would you do Aviva was your mother. I'd be glued to something too. Should perish the thought. I'd be glued to a pipe. I don't know if I'm going to do this. I'll be enough though her whole new townhouse kind of remind me of Alex and Simon's 10,000. Yes. Because that townhouse is in New York all kind of looked the same. They're just like big old narrow and two expensive. Slightly falling apart always mid remodel. And I thought it was very strange that at her housewarming party she set up a bar in her bedroom. Yeah and Mario and Reed and Harry and everybody on Aviva's bed talking about how they both slept together even Ramona said that was uncomfortable. Yeah I was just trying to ignore the whole thing I was staring at Aviva's lamps which incidentally I did I did like. She's from her apartment reminded me of Jill's Darren's when Jill redecorated. Oh my goodness not it can't even be that bad. It was pretty loud. So what else happened on there I feel like there's one other thing but I can't remember. Well let's see let's go through the women. Kristen didn't really do anything this week she just I guess Heather there was top talk about Heather and Kristen and like their babies and Carol got mad at Aviva and Aviva spread gossip and Sonia went on dates. So I guess not that much happens mainly book gate and it was pretty good I think book gate pretty much pretty much carried the episode. Yeah that was a really lovely start. I feel like I think one of my favorite Kristen moments was when she very sweetly tried to tell Ramona like listen you know I really think that Carol wrote her book like her name is on the bottom of it and nobody else's name is next to hers. I'm gonna just goes listen you don't have time you don't have to like nobody's name has to be in the bottom it doesn't mean it had to be a ghost right to ghost right you don't see the name you don't see the name. I like when Ramona someone offered Ramona like an order and she's like now. That's what I do for a living and I was like oh that would have really hurt my feelings. I know that's how I was thinking like whenever if I don't want an order which is never but if on the very chance that I pass up I'm like oh no thank you but she was like no no no she like literally waved her hand like get it away. I'm too busy for this. Let us talk about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Oh the reunion the reunion. Why does this need to be three hours long and why were they talking to Kim Richard so much she didn't do anything a whole year. It was really painful and like when they just do the montage of Kooky Kim and it began and it was really funny and then as it progressed it just got like sadder and sadder that this is sober Kim and the faces of the body got more and more uncomfortable until she did the fall at the chair thing and Kyle was just there and like so embarrassed to look away. Yeah I love that montage. Fall fall another thing falling. It's like oh my god there's your evidence in any case against you in a DUI trial. I like you cut out there for moments so if there was like an awkward silence that's I'll blame that on my skype it was I think you're just sitting there reading the Facebook page now. You know I think to me I mean it was like an hour of like just frustration of watching the poor logic of all these women you know Brandi's sitting there just being a totally immature bitch which is not unlike us but she's doing it on TV which I think is somehow worse and they're going after everyone and meanwhile and Yolanda also is on her high horse. You really bothered me that when Yolanda was talking about when she had like a beef with Kim and she's like well you know like I was at the I was at the class and you know I want to talk about things and Kim didn't want to talk about it and that's just what I like to do I like to talk about things I like to get it out right there and there. You know what I like to do is I like to show they cut to like Yolanda's friendship a video montage of Yolanda's French splintering with Lisa and you see Lisa Gigi's graduation I mean going away party is talking about trying to like get things okay with Kyle and Carlton and Yolanda's like no not at Gigi's party this is not what we do we don't do this here I'm like so which is a bitch do you like to talk it out or do you not like to talk it out clearly if it happens at Gigi's birthday party. I'm talking out she and Brandy have the exact same way of talking things out they just talk really loud until you have and you have to say anything and if you do say anything they just criticize you and roll their eyes like that's how they fight with absolutely no basis in logic. My favorite was the like will you let me tell about I paid 99 he let me tell about this. 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Get free shipping on qualified orders. See site for more details. Well, we've owned properties there. No, I paid $9.99. You live in Calabasas. Let's just let it rest. And I love that Andy was like, "Well, what's wrong with Calabasas? The Kardashians live there and Will and Jado live there." Calabasas is really she-she. Justin Bieber just moved out of Calabasas. I know. It's really nice. The point isn't that she's like, "That's not the point. The point is it's a stupid lie. Why even make up the lie in the first place?" And that when Andy jumped on the bandwagon with that, I was just like, "It's just that she didn't live there. It's not that she has anything against Calabasas. It's just that she didn't..." Well, then Brandi started to backpedal and say, "Well, it's just the reason why it bothers me is because every time she comes to visit me, she always is like, "Oh, I need a passport to go to the valley." And I think we talked about this last week. It's like that, well, Brandi always jokes about how she's going to sleep with Ken, which is a far worse joke, and Lisa brushes it off. So it's funny that all of a sudden, Lisa's not allowed to make jokes about the valley. And even if you had lived in the valley, if you live far away from the valley now, I think you're still entitled to make the passport joke. It's okay. Well, as if Brandi, if she could fucking afford to live in the basin, if she would not make those jokes all day long, if she had to visit somebody in the valley, she would be joking about that nobody's business. Please, Brandi can't even live in the good valley. She'd probably like that next valley, you know, because there's like the valley behind the valley. That's probably where she is. She's like, "Racita." Yeah. That's worse. The other thing that really pissed me off is that Brandi is just too stupid to even form a real argument. She doesn't even know what she's arguing about or why she's arguing about it. She's just squealing and acting like a dumb bitch. Like this particular one, she's like, you know, she makes that thing about, "You made it, you have to come and visit me in the valley." And Lisa's like, "Yeah, well, you make jokes at me all the time. That's kind of the point. Like, what about you saying my husband is going to die before we renew our vows? I didn't get mad." And then Brandi's like, "Yeah, but you thought that was funny, man." Like, she's thinking Lisa's getting mad at it, and the point is that she never got mad at it. You dumb bitch. It's like, it's like watching. I don't... I want to fight for them. I want to walk into the TV and just sit there and do Andy Cohen's freaking job for him and just be like, "Listen, this is what she's saying. This is what you're saying." I know. Every single show on Bravo, I want to do that. Every single time there's a fight. I'm like, if you all would just use your words properly, you could fix this. I just came up with the best idea. What housewives larking? What is it? Real housewives larking. Do you guys know what larking is? Oh my goodness. I will do that in a second. What action role-playing? It's basically like Dungeons and Dragons, but you get dressed up and you actually act like you're in a Dungeons and Dragons game. Oh my God. I am seeking out a highly patterned dress as we speak. I'm seeking out a hotel that has a conference room that we can borrow. I'm seeking out some Pinot Grigio that I can throw. I'm seeking out some really, really, really big platforms. I'm seeking out a gun to shoot myself in the head because I've had enough of this life. I'm seeking out a toaster oven on which to do a photo shoot. So what else from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? I want to get back to this joking issue because to be fair, I know people say that sometimes we're too nice to Lisa. To be fair, she also was a little ridiculous because at one point, I think there was a question of can Lisa dish it, Lisa can dish it, but she can't take it, which is kind of true. And Lisa, on this point, her way of defending the herself was by showing that she actually cannot take it. And then she's like, well, I guess I'll just never tell another joke again for the rest of my life. So Lisa, Lisa, it's not, they're not saying that it is saying, just admit that you can dish it, you just can't take it. That's all, that's all you have to say. Or it's just a minute to end the argument. I mean, my argument, I mean, just just to be pro Lisa because I know people are probably not getting sick of that at all. But Lisa has never come on and complained about somebody saying something that hurt her feelings never. Every year she's never said, Oh, that hurt my feelings. The only thing that she ever talked about was the thing where they were faking a faint and no one said anything to her in a fun way about that. They came up and literally accused her of faking it like no one, no one made a joke that she didn't take well. You know what I mean, it's not like she took some joking correctly. That's not what happened, Kyle and Kim got together to film an entire fucking scene because they have no lives at their own watching in Kyle's stupid screening room, just to call her a fucking liar about it. And then the way it was brought up to her was it some lunch when Brandy came up and said, well everyone say you faked it. I mean there was no joke that Lisa didn't take the right way. And what was terrible about that too well not terrible but what was annoying about that was that Brandy acts like she's just a messenger but then you know the scene right before that they showed him just this montage is Brandy is the one instigating that conversation in the limo and then she's like oh well you know there was talk about this like no, you were talking about a brandy. Well I think that's what you guys have been touching on for the past couple of episodes too is that Brandy has single handedly torpedoed her own relationship with Lisa in some ridiculous effort to get more screen time or to take Lisa's place head bitch whatever and it's just you it shows it's so completely baseless Lisa has done nothing to Brandy she's looking for reasons to complain. There's really no there's no real reason their friendship should be over except for the fact that Brandy somehow wants to overtake Lisa in her imagination. It makes absolutely no sense. Yeah, she's stupid. That's why Brandy is so stupid. Yeah Brandy is just too stupid to even fight and that you have to be able to fight on the Housewives show but apparently she's so hated that she is going to keep her job just no rumors of her getting fired. There's like a big petition going around to get her fired online which just basically means that she will keep her job for the next 10 years. She's you know what you know she hates that too she probably hates everyone that everyone hates her because she totally thought as you just said she totally thought she was going to be like beloved you know and because especially because she was like the past two seasons but now she's crossed that line and it's hard to come back after you crossed that line. I think only Camille grammar Camille grammar is really the only one who went from really being despised universally to being being, you know, adored. I think I just start that way I don't think you can start like Brandy did as this as a very sympathetic character and to be like I really liked her the first season because she was, you know she'd just been totally blindsided by Eddie Cibrian she came on when she was blindsided by Cam and Kyle and she was just sort of like okay I'm just gonna chill out and hang out with Lisa. She started to believe her own hype to the extent that she actually thinks she is a worthwhile person for writing a book called drinking and tweeting and that she has anything to offer other than the fact that she was a scoring woman and that's dangerous dangerous territory. And by the way that book was ghost written. Yes. Oh back to New York though Heather kept saying that Carol wrote her book it was on the New York Times bestseller list and all I kept all I kept thinking was so was Brandy's book stop saying that thank you for helping Heather but you're not helping Yeah so I was like every rip off Twilight book that comes out or every book written for old ladies to finger themselves, you know like some sex fantasy that's written by like some fan fake fat lady online okay, it doesn't take much to be a best line, a best seller right now in the book section And also aren't there like multiple lists on the New York Times bestseller list there are multiple lists from like the billboard there's like the billboard hot 100 and the billboard like top R&B chart this and that I feel like there are multiple New York Times book lists so to get on to to say they are on the bestseller list could actually be quite deceiving Someone sent Marsha sent in this tweet to us that she saw online from brandy gland bill on Twitter. Oh obviously I said tweet sorry I'm reading and thinking at the same time which I can't be up. It says LB could barbecue a baby and people would think it was cute. So yeah she is upset that everybody still likes Lisa because she just cannot win it's like if you go after Lisa for something legit okay but and there are plenty of legit things like we've said in the past to go after Lisa for that people could get behind you but yeah you're just too stupid to come up with a really solid plan you're terrible at this just wait just stop. Yeah absolutely. Well and she's sort of proving her own point about Lisa being this Machiavellian chess master and the thing is all Lisa is doing is not really being that she's not really being that I don't know what the word I'm looking for is. She's not really being that Machiavellian she is simply just not engaging. She's behaving like an adult and everybody else around her is behaving like a toddler so to them it looks like she is this just mastermind you know public master and really she's just like I'm not going to engage you. I mean yeah it's like she's the only one who's not a fucking idiot like what I mean just watching her reactions was hysterical because at first I was worried because I was like oh no she's coming in here as a victim I do not need this. Like please don't do this because at first she was like well what did that then being mean to me darling. I was like oh no but then through the rest of the episode I don't know if someone told her to be a victim or what and she just couldn't do it because it's just not in her personality. And she just sat there giving people the most hilarious looks and when people would you know especially Brandy when she would just say these stupid things Lisa didn't even try and argue she just looked at her like you're so stupid. I'm not even going to argue with this it doesn't make any sense she's finally letting Brandy dig her own grave she's finally like stop taking the shovel away from her stop taking the white away from her. Exactly and a brandy had a brain which she obviously does not have she's spent all this time being like oh well Lisa is the master manipulator but now I'm fighting back and I refuse to be manipulated. She said and she's basically letting Brandy you know dig her own grave which perhaps that is the master manipulation of all because now Brandy is more hated than ever before. So in her attempt to rid herself of the manipulation she may have just fallen right into it. Yeah but Brandy I think I think Brandy is kind of embracing being the villain right. I think because she's she's she's not you know why because Brandy is the type that she wants she wants acceptance she wants to be popular it's what's driven her all along that's why she's crass and crude because she's insecure and she lashes out when she feels like she is being marginalized she wants to be the prom queen and she never will be because I don't know she's raised in a trailer somewhere but I think that's I don't think she's truly embracing she might be acting like she's embracing it but she's not smart enough to play the game she's not smart enough to be a villain and understand why it's a good thing and how to make it work for her and how to become popular sort of fucking with other people. She's just not she's just not smart enough. Yeah Aviva now there's a villain. I mean that woman she goes for the gut she goes for the throat and she's really funny about it and I still kind of like her just because she's so fun to watch. Brandy is just stupid she's not fun to watch. No and everything like I said before like the fact that she has she's torpedoing her relationship with Lisa in an effort to give herself some kind of storyline. It's so obvious that it's boring. It's just. Exactly. I think there's I agree to make the Aviva comparison or even Ramona there is some things sort of like thrilling about these loose cannons just exploding and just and and going nuts because you know there it's coming from a place of true craziness. Whereas from brandy it's like it is sort of more self serving and it comes from a bratty place it comes from a spoiled place it comes from an ungrateful place and that's not that's not fun to watch. I think the one who's really trying to be the master manipulator and failing miserably is Kyle I mean it's so obvious Kyle just sits there at the reunion and stay silent and just watches everybody else. Lob the you know lob the bombs that she's put in the cannon and it's so funny like we all know that you're the one who told Randy that Lisa was bankrupt and lived in Calabasas that was stupid. We all know that you were talking shit about Lisa in Paris with Yolanda which you were the one who let everybody know that. We know that you we know that you've been the one trying to turn everybody against them well sorry honey the only person you can control is your idiot sister twitch. Unless you're in a boxing ring in which case all of which is unresolved anger will come out. Meanwhile Yolanda I enjoyed Yolanda's list of grievances which centered around the fact that Lisa hadn't visited her when she was bedridden with Lyme disease. And I like that Lisa was like well actually I came to you I spent a whole day with you I did this I did that I did that I called you blah blah blah blah blah and I was like well oh well. You know so my brain last year so. Well you know my brain doesn't work and sometimes I'm irritable but you know that's it. Well I was writing the recap for that this week and I remember someone posting a tweet so I put on our Facebook page someone please send me a screenshot of that tweet and they did it Maggie and Taylor both put it so thank you guys. But it says this is a Yolanda tweet Lisa and I see each other outside of the show and our friendship and mutual respect for one another has continued to grow which runs which is amazing. But Brandi and Lisa visited many times and have shown me great support during these past worst eight months of my life. So which is it bitch because this was just written less than a year ago about how supportive Lisa is and how many times she's come to see you. You should just put that on a sign like for the next part of the units put that on a little sign and every time you want to like starts a yappin about whether or not she's her Hollywood friend or her real friend Lisa just hold up that little sign with a little tweet on it and just not saying anything. Oh for Yolanda trying so hard to have a fucking storyline when she has nothing except fucking some rich ugly dude. You know that Yolanda okay she's been fighting with bloggers online which is so funny like you're really gonna fight with bloggers we're just like we're sitting home making jokes like if you're so above it fly above the hate or stupid. She's getting a fight on Twitter blocking people left and right one of her fans and I know this because her name is Yolanda fan and she's from the Netherlands has come on to my YouTube page because of I guess how I don't even know why she said oh because I was on stupid housewives post my videos sometimes you know cuz that's like a friendly blog and that's a controversial blog that Yolanda's fighting with. So I'm posted on there so now all stupid housewives haters are coming to like hate me too and this stupid girl from the Netherlands Yolanda's fan. I have this picture I have to pull it up so I can quote it properly comes on my YouTube page and comments well first of all she went on all of my videos and like made stupid comments and I was like who is Yolanda fan and why is she watching survivor videos. So then she comments on my Facebook page I mean my YouTube page and it says fag equals fat angry gay fuck you you know and that is such a typical Yolanda fan stupid just fucking that's terrible stupid and ignorant by banned you by stupid really happens to me but I'm speechless god how fucking ridiculous the internet is full of lovely lovely internet is full of trolls. I mean I guess technically we are kind of trolls because we're trolling these women but no we're not trolls get so much worse than we are. You know we're we're making jokes and having fun these people are not like I'm not going to Kim's personal Facebook page and being like you stupid drunk you know like and I don't even feel that way about it you know I'm just making fun of her on TV. I love I love by the way like like our back panel and we're just like you know brandy she's too stupid to do this she's a brat oh it's just joking it's just fun. Well yeah but if we're making good jokes about it that's different than just like saying but shit I think also I would also like to say this to that I always feel like when we when we get really like intense about this and we're like I also would like to qualify that we are reacting pretty much to essentially characters that we see on TV you know because I think that I think with all three of us we do realize that even though the lines are blurred that there's a difference between real life and what we see on TV you know yeah and I feel for some reason compelled to say that I want to untroll myself. Carol I love Carol and will continue to love Carol but she went down the rabbit hole a little bit last night she got very like she any Cohen asked her about being even thing obviously and she went off in a huge rant about it she's like listen I understand it like it's like I understand that we fight and all this kind of stuff but I signed up to do a reality show okay and this is just ridiculous like this is just you know this is completely made up and stupid and I just you know I want things to be accurate because I signed up for a reality show not a fiction I'm just like do you know do you do you watch reality television. I do not remember it's like as long as they're razzi as long as they're eluded razzi as long as they're allowed to just come on and promote their stupid products are okay with it but when it when it becomes you know something that they're not happy with suddenly they start complaining it's like when Addie was saying during that Real Housewives of Orange County 100th episode or whatever that was when he said that he's like Vicki was calling me at the beginning trying trying to get me to take things off the internet and I had to explain to her like you can't take things off the internet that's not how it works which of course Bravo does try and sue everybody and take everything off the internet by the way but I thought that was pretty fun but yeah it's like Carol deal with it babe you're on a show about caddy women ripping each other to shreds and you had no problem doing it to anybody else last year so All of these I feel like there's the cycle of housewives and I'm sure you guys talked about this before but like first season it's okay and then second season like first season there a lot of them kind of try and like I'm going to be above the drum and I'm not going to get involved and then by the second and third season they are right in the mud with the rest of the pigs and it's just good You cannot you can't do this and expect to keep your hands clean you're either going to be boring or you were going to just go right down the rabbit hole with the rest of them I think Lisa and I think maybe Leah I feel like are few of the only two have managed to really straddle that fence and get down and dirty occasionally but maintain some semblance of sanity and integrity yeah absolutely because they don't take it that seriously and Carol too you know Carol Carol you know the the rant on watch what happens that that seems a little silly she should not take that seriously but I think you know at the same time I mean this is her career and it is funny that Aviva would even say like you think you're John Grisham I'm like oh you know Carol Carol was on Oprah that makes her John Grisham well wasn't she on Oprah for different reasons though I thought it was to promote her book I thought she was on Oprah when that plane crash happened or whatever no I think it was to talk about her book um yeah I don't know variety of things I don't watch Oprah sorry all I know is all I know is that Carol was on Oprah Aviva was not and that's that's it end of story yeah Aviva was on Harry that's enough to discredit Aviva forever in my eyes absolutely wait so any other noteworthy things happen on this one of the joys got into a little bit I was just gonna say one of the most fun things was a Yolanda going on and on about nothing about her Lyme disease like shut up Yolanda Yolanda's making Lyme disease at this point in my mind Lyme disease is equal to chickenpox like that's how much she's annoying me at this point I'm like stop complaining about having a cold and Lyme disease is actually a really serious disease Yolanda has overtouted it so much or overcomplained so much that I'm like I'll stop complaining it's the months take some pills if she had spent half of her screen time actually just being like hey this is what Lyme disease is like this is what I had it really sucks that she had spent half of the screen time she spent with freaking Gigi putting together damn dorm room and painting tiles for her I would have been like oh my gosh you know I did like thank you for telling me about Lyme disease it sucks that you had that kid well soon but no I had to watch Gigi like 24/7 And the only real argument that Yolanda had where she was really getting to show up her true seawardiness was with Joyce when she was when and this is another thing they're only fighting about blogs because they don't have anything on the show to talk about so it's what they write after that they're actually fighting about which is kind of meta and hilarious but she made some comment wait what was the comment it was something about the parties the Joyce Joyce said that Yolanda was a bad hostess for doing that that dream team thing and then she said that it was she was a retaliation against Yolanda because Yolanda said that Joyce was a bad hostess for not getting in a pool and that's what children do they get back at each other by you know but yeah Joyce was your long wait I would like to defend Joyce in this instance if I may do I have the floor sure I'm going to say that I don't think it was childish what Joyce said because I think what Joyce was saying was hey you said I was a bad host for not getting the pool but actually what an example of a bad host is to put like on to make part of your guest feel unwelcome that's a bad host I think that's what she was saying it wasn't like a you said I was a bad host so I'm calling you a bad host it wasn't like that it was it was a clarification on what it really is to be a bad hostess well that's all she also what she was saying was the party she was referring to was the painting party she was saying that Yolanda was having them all come to her mansion and her lemon growth and blah blah blah she was making everybody else feel like they were lower than her I was like whatever but I don't know just pour your voice like no one even listens to her she sits over there and starts yapping and then Yolanda shuts her down and Brandy just Brandy and Yolanda both just talk over her talk over her talk over her and speaking of and by the way I love that Yolanda calls Joyce a child for what Joyce were in the blog and yet here comes Brandy being like oh you look like a you look like a figure skater why don't you go back to the Olympics like that's actually like so beyond caddy that truly is teasing it's like that's haunting that is childish that if anything else like you know what everyone always says oh you're bullying me you're bullying me that is an example of anything closely resembling schoolyard bullying you know being like oh you look like you're a figure skater why don't you go to Sochi you know like I'm like so and then Yolanda silent well in like vintage Brandy it was the dumbest insult that you could possibly give somebody and like all jokes like all of this aside that outfit was terrible it was terrible it was terrible it was really it looked like something my ice skating Barbie wore but that aside Brandy all Brandy is doing is making Joyce smell like a frigging rose and she is going to kick herself next season when Joyce is like if Joyce is back and I kind of hope she is because she came off looking pretty good this season and Brandy is just victimizing her and victimizing her just the way she was victimized on her first season that made her look really good like absolutely absolutely like I don't mind Joyce anymore like in the beginning of the season I was like oh she's so fake and the whole thing she had with a hair flipping it's so stupid but by the end of the season I'm like you know what compared to these other stupid bitches I am sort of on Joyce's side yeah I never thought I would say that because I used to call her I used to call her Karen Trossy she reminded me of Carrots here in Gretchen Trossy but she's she just really really bugged me but now I'm just sort of like Brandy is being such a cunty bitch to her that I'm just like girl all you know I'm on your team if Joyce didn't have that initial thing of the hair flick with Lisa I just thought that was the dumbest thing ever and I just can't get it out of my mind like I'm not I can't be a Joyce man she's too stupid for me too and by the way I believe Joyce when Joyce says that Brandy called her up and says you should do this you should do that you should do this to Lisa you know I believe Joyce in that situation not Brandy yeah I do too I don't think Joyce is a liar I just think she's a dumb dumb dumb yeah absolutely and I absolutely believe that because Brandy thinks that's what Lisa's doing like Brandy in her head Lisa is being you know like we said this master manipulator so of course she's just her only defenses I'm just going to do it right back to you so she's calling around everybody and telling him what to say yeah well one of my favorite things this week are the rumors that are swirling around that Faye Resnick is going to join the cast next year now Faye refused to come back on the show this year because she was so ripped apart last year for going against Brandy and I mean they were so rude to her on the internet including us because she's a stupid bitch oh yeah and she was just doing Kyle's handiwork but now that Brandy is the big villain they want someone to come in and take down Brandy because you know Lisa's not going to Lisa doesn't give a shit she'll just stop inviting Brandy over her for desserts yeah she's like no but nobody for you darling and you're not going to get one of my cucumber sandwiches Rocia wept all night on these but yeah they're going to have to bring someone in because Kyle's too much of a wuss as we just saw Kyle's already against Brandy again and she's not going to say anything because she doesn't want to get squealed at Kim's probably going to be fired as we saw someone mentioned Kim's not going to be aware of the fact that she's fired yeah so yeah she'll be like everybody she'll still be polishing picture frames in her house and making girl she'll be a Costco doing interviews thinking that she's doing interviews for the show talking to the sample lady being like oh I just had that I don't think that was nice she'll cut out into her own interviews like wow you know that sample lady I just thought she was pretty rude I don't know about you check and sell it hey let's check and sell a lady just missed me but what was I talking about Brandy oh yeah so they need somebody to come in and take down Brandy and the only one with the balls literal probably literally balls to do it is Miss Faye Resnick and she's also got about as much class as Brandy and she's probably also as good as writing books on Brandy I don't know how to feel about this because I don't think I really don't think I have viscerally an act in reality hated someone on a reality show as much as I really detest Faye Resnick I mean she just makes me ill with how just who she is her personality her history She became famous by you know she became famous by exploiting the fact that her best friend got murdered so in like Playboy I mean yeah she's morally corrupts she is morally corrupt Faye Resnick I don't know why I bothered searching for a different phrase she is morally corrupt so like that said I think she would be an amazing addition Yeah Faye Resnick does not annoy me and piss me off as much as everyone else in the world I mean I don't like her but like people really like like you said you have a visceral reaction against her I don't have that against her but I think that she's just like you know she's stupid but she's just annoying you know but I would totally welcome her back on the show even if she wasn't a horrible human being and deserves to get like hit by a mac truck for all the nasty shit she's pulled in her life I would hate her for the simple fact that as a remodeler decorator she paints wicker white and calls and charges people like millions of dollars that's not okay and is incapable of remodeling her own face appropriately yeah move the couch over the nose so are we done with Beverly Hills because I think so a month of this bowl shit So let's move on to Atlanta the ladies in Atlanta are not disappointing this year they are going to town every single week they've got something going on and even our newest housewife uncle Ben Peter My favorite is really making his effort to roll around the mud with the other bitches and he got to love that and he always acts like he's not in fact when like he and Apollo and Todd went to some like cigar bar in the resort he was like he's like just how these ladies get up into yapping and yapping the guys got to talk to I'm like don't act like it's just the ladies who are yapping you were the one who started up with Porsche last week mister and you don't have to like nobody's sitting there making you sit there and gossip like yeah you don't have to you start saying that not only that he said that and then he starts immediately talking about Apollo wanting to fuck Kenya It's like what the hell dude but Apollo okay so all the guys are sitting down there well first of all we got to see them go look at these caves and they were all afraid of anything And by the way my favorite part of the entire episode is that what Kenya says we're going to be going to caves which are like underground caverns I'm like I think we're pretty well aware of what caves are I think caverns are underground too Cave might be short for caverns call me crazy I know there is technically a difference between caves and caverns but I don't think the delineation is that one is above ground and one is below ground You're pretty closely related enough that you could probably interchange those words and nobody would be confused I think if you said we're going to go to the caves we pretty much have a good idea geographically where we're going vis-a-vis above ground and below ground I have to say watching them wear hard hats I got really upset because I went I guess spelunking or a tour of some big cave in Arizona and nobody gave us hard hats and now I'm wondering just how much danger I was in with my family a couple of years ago I would think some of those weeds could act like a hard hat That's a good point I'm sorry someone commented we should look at the Bravo blogs this week because they're really funny Oh damn it I don't want to read them all and I didn't pretty read them It's okay we don't have to read the Bravo blogs this week we'll read them next week Okay sorry everybody I just I'm reading this book called The Fault in Our Stars and it's about kids with cancer So I'm sorry I didn't read the Bravo TV blogs all right I'm making an effort an actual literature It's okay Alex and I are going to spend the rest of the podcast talking about caves and caverns But you know what there is a character in there who's missing a leg and of course I was like poor Viva I feel for a Viva she could have died I just didn't like it last time I tried to like get myself back into reading was when I like caved and bought a bunch of soap opera magazines Oh my god you just use cave caverns when you cavern you know caverning it's like when you cave into something but underground But what did you what did you get? I don't know that they can be turned to books but soap opera digest and the ABC version of soap opera weekly I used to you know I like I bought Oreos a frozen pizza I was really impressed I put Oreos a frozen pizza a bunch of soap opera magazines And then I read them in like 15 minutes because you know soap opera magazines Yeah, I used to subscribe to soap opera digest because I used to be a huge NBC soap fan days of our lives Another world sunset beach passions NBC had the best opening they have the best opening music like another world world had a great a great credit And so did sunset beach it was almost serious Sunset beach was the beginning of Eddie Cibrian I mean that's what I know And also the other spelling kid Oh, yeah Oh God bless him. Was he the midget? No, no the midget died Oh, that was on passions too The midget died of passions I love because all the guys were always shortlist and muscular I still do not love passions And also because Haley Haley Mel's sister was on there at the witch And you got really had everything Like to been like Haley Mel's sister like oh you just get ugly and bitter huh? Oh my god, I love soap operas There has to be a way to somehow combine the worlds of passions with the real house size of Atlanta Oh yeah, we just need a little magic on that show Magic and some guys were shortlist that looked good I guess Apollo can do that Was it Phaedra? Phaedra? I'm sorry I apologize listeners. I watched Atlanta for the first time last night I'm trying to keep up with me too But Phaedra and somebody else were in the pool talking about how we're having none of this shaman business about fertility They only need Jesus Christ Nobody else but Jesus They keep asking me to go but I guess they didn't ask me this time 'cause I knew I'd say no, I got Jesus Yeah, that was Portia I love me to be, I love me to be justified It's like shut up But yeah, Portia And I love that they're talking about how into Jesus they are while slamming everybody Oh my god Fusing it up and really slutty bikini Yeah Name of the Father, name of the Son, name of the Holy Ghost So yeah, they're still in Mexico And it was a pretty fun, I mean I just laughed the whole time on this show I love this show But the big fight was actually with Kenya and Apollo Because Apollo's kind of a brandy glambo when he fights He doesn't know anything, he just kind of yaps stupidly in a really high pitched voice And doesn't say anything Clearly terrified of his wife, clearly What would you be? She's like a crime lord Oh my god, when she came like bumbling up those stairs What was he doing talking to her? Oh my god, I'm actually a little nervous You should be, she can get you through the TV So Kenya confronted him and of course started out with five tequila shots And then acted like she was going to flirt with him and give him a lat dance Which is the only reason he went to talk to her alone Oh absolutely And then she's like basically said All this stuff you've been saying about me Trying to get you to a hotel room and boning you That's all a lie, just admit that it's a lie Because you were making me look stupid Meanwhile this comes on the heels of her spending ten minutes of airtime Trying to get him out of his chair to go to the bar Yes But it was to have this scene so she could be vindicated on national TV Because he's been lying about her, supposedly Which I believe her actually Well he never actually, he never actually admitted to lying So all of this is for not and now faders in the next That's just gonna be ugly for the next 20 minutes in the next episode Well they hate each other anyway, so yay Yeah, she I mean he kind of did admit it because he said He said yes to everything she was saying He was just saying I could get in your pants if I wanted to I could do that, I could get in your pants if I wanted to It's kind of my Porsche and my Apollo were the same But I think they're very similar N nuances I think they're fairly similar But yeah, he was just like Well I could get anything No Apollo But even if Even if he did why about this and starts putting rumors about her She's inviting it every step of the way Prancing around in her bikini asking him to get into the cave Into the pond and the cave with her Into the spring The cave spring The cave spring Asking to do that Constantly like clearly trying to get screen time with him She's totally, she's totally popping and mastering this as well I mean it's completely stuck in planning But he's spreading rumors I know, it's like a fine line She's like yes, I've tried to bone you a million times But at least I didn't text you to come screw me in a hotel It's like oh okay, you're totally glassy now Yeah You're up here and then minutes you will leave He's down there He's down there in the cave In the cavernous In her lady cave That's something you need a hard hat for Yeah, there are a lot of stalactites and stalemites in there I'm another hilarious part of this to me It wasn't supposed to be hilarious But speaking of dried out old caves that are never going to reproduce anything ever again Let's talk about Kenya's dark, cold, bat infested Bat caves, rat poop covered, cave, cavernous, cave Guano, guano covered, over use I have never more believed the statement black don't crack When I was watching this whole conversation She was like I met a guy when I was 35 and one of our kids And I was like how the fuck old are you now? She just looks amazing Yeah, she looks damn good She's nearing 50, I think Thomas Ravenella I think she's like 43, 44 I'm going to look this up Kenya more age I really liked that segment to be honest Yeah, I did too, to be honest too I'm going to be honest as well, I'm going to one up your honesty with my honesty Let's just hold hands and be honest together then, it'll be crazed Let's go into a cave of honesty Yeah, she's 43 years old I'm going to bless her smoke in your face I think the whole thing is hilarious because she's getting a shaman to make her pregnant And it's like honey, I mean I didn't know she was 43, I thought she was nearing 50 But look, how old are we going to get and still try and have babies? I think we only as a society need to draw a line You know, my parents are obnoxious and they have me young And they're old enough now that they're already making me crazy I could only imagine if they had me when they were like 50 I mean now they'd be, I don't want to be cleaning up your poop when I'm in the best times of my life Like I should be a senior citizen when I have to clean up your poop Does that make any sense? Like you're having these kids but then you're putting them in the bad position of having to take care of you at way too young of an age Stop it, just adopt older children I know, I mean look at Aviva by the way Aviva looks like she's pushing 50 and she's got like a two year old kid Yeah, I mean how does that happen? Was that natural? I don't want to know, Aviva and sex, maybe there was a ghost writer I'm looking at, we're looking at how old Kenny Moore is and it has the ages of three other housewives between her, Nini 46, Candy 37 and Kim Zolciak 35 and Kim Zolciak looks so much older than Kenya Kim Zolciak meanwhile is turning out a baby after a baby like she eats like a cheeto and gets pregnant Every baby is like a down payment It's like another 10 years of money that she has with us dudes She gets like five or six Yeah, but they're saying that she's already broke I mean Kim Zolciak spends so much more money than they made Like he's not one of those football player who makes like $12 million a year No real house, this is only endorsement Yeah, he's like a blue collar football player He had these injured too He was injured last season And I wonder if he got dropped by the Falcons, I don't know I will look it up Yeah, there's something weird going on there But she's spending too much money and that girl is decorumly to save her money Stop having babies There's no such thing as saving money in Atlanta Well, not at that house, she's ridiculous Okay, so what else happened on Atlanta? That real good baby crap I was not buying because she needs to stop that She doesn't even have a man that she doesn't have to hire to show up I noticed that the decor in Atlanta is really similar to the decor in Orange County Yes it is That was like a lot of prefabricated design going on There's a lot of granite countertops and roosters Like roosters in the kitchen From a sociological perspective It's called New Money Yeah Yeah New Money in a smaller city than Los Angeles or New York New Money, old caves And also similar to the kitchens on real housewives in New Jersey to think about it No, I mean if you seriously With the real housewives you have New Jersey, Atlanta and Orange County are all like the super new money You know, those are people who are not like They have, they're able to buy McMansions And actually they're all going to jail for fucking robbing people There's like some sketchiness about it Like maybe they don't even really own those homes And then you have New York and Beverly Hills Where there's real money New York has closer to old money than Beverly Hills And then Miami also I think there's real money in Miami Miami is a little bit of everything I think Leah Black, Leah Black for sure is real money And I think Adriana, well she's like a fraud And then, you know, I don't know what Marisol lands Where she lands But definitely Jersey, Atlanta, Orange County Hardcore New Money Well I think it's interesting too Because New York is still, New York is still, it's got to be fairly new money Because nobody, no old money New Yorker is going to go on a reality show Absolutely Yeah, I agree And then Beverly Hills is new money, but it's like Yeah, and Beverly Hills is new money, but it's like Los Angeles new money is its own beast Like Los Angeles invented new money with actual money So they are just a whole different, they're a whole, just a whole different breed of money Yeah, Los Angeles isn't worried about like passing that money on to you No They're like, adopt a few Africans, you know, do some drugs, we'll be dead by the time we're 35 anyway Let's party Yeah, I think the difference between New York, the New York money and the Beverly Hills money that we see Is that Beverly Hills, they're big new money, they have a lot of money and it's new And they're also the top I mean, there is definitely some old money out here, they're like Pasadena, whatever There's some huge money, some people with old stores of money But it's basically like their new money and they're the top Whereas in New York, what we're seeing is relatively new money and they But they hang with old money that we don't see, I feel like You know, they're not in the old money circle, but they hang with the old money circle I agree Which might be a great segue into southern charm, which is definitely old money Oh yeah, that is old money, it's also old man trying to get into young panties You know, I can't believe Thomas Ravenel is 50, though I know when you look at him, it does make sense that he's 50 But he actually dresses very youthfully, then I thought he was like 40 And he uses youthful drugs as well He really does, he knows, you know, he found the fountain of youth and it's in cocaine That was what really shocked me about it, when I read that he was 50 My jaw dropped first of all, but then what really shocked me, I was like You have clearly, there's no way you started doing drugs when you were in your 40s Like he's been doing this easily for 30 years And how the fuck do you drink and do coke for 30 years and look like that? I know, I mean, he really looks young He sleeps a lot, you know, but now if he crease sleeps like 16 hours a day She said in some interview, and that's how she stays so young I do that, it's not working I know, I sleep a lot to you, I look like shit The way he is back You know, I find actually that Thomas Ravenel is a very interesting character to watch Because his life is, his life is fairly complex It sort of looks simple because he just sits around on a boat and fishes and drinks But like, to come from that much money and to come from that name and that pedigree And to be 50 and there's like just, he's basically still acting like a 20 year old But you know that there's all this pressure on him, I find it fascinating I think what I loved his conversation with chef on the boat this week When he, when chef basically was like, dude, I understand that you want to still be in politics But you did a bunch of blow, and Charles Tonyans do not like that Have you thought about maybe going in a different direction? And he was just like, no, this city's in my blood, I love it I like, I want to be in politics and shit What else can happen to me at this point? I've been to prison and I've lost my reputation So I might as well just keep going and this is what I want to do And it was, it was really impressive, I was like, oh, sorry It wasn't impressive, but I think what he failed to realize is that you can always rebuild your reputation And being on this reality show is not doing him any favors I mean, Marion Barry was re-elected into office, so if he can do it, so can this guy So can T-Rabb? Well, I think that's what he's counting on He's just gonna come, he's just gonna be the bad boy and help day elect him that way But my favorite way is how he phrased that when he was like They've already taken my reputation, they've already taken my freedom It's like they did not take it, okay? Like, you were funneling drug money through the treasury office Like, that's not, you were not some victim And also, how long did you serve? Not long Like, you're totally fine, you still have your mansions and your money Like, I'm really sick of rich people like being victims of shit when they get caught doing illegal crap Like, I'm not gonna feel bad for you, stupid Like, you just built a polo field that cost a million dollars so you could feel better Please I love that he, I think my favorite part of his, whenever he gets off on a tangent about You know, what he's going through, he's like, I did my time, I did my time He's like, no, no, honey, you did ten months and then somebody else did the rest of your time Yeah, no kidding You did ten months in a prison with a bocce ball court, okay? Yeah, a poor person would have done like, would still be in there, they'd die in there Well, also, I mean, he's running on, I think with the, he wants to run with the libertarian party Because he's a libertarian, right? And I'm just going to assume, I don't know this as a fact But I'm just gonna assume that he's probably banned from the republican party So, there's no way, I'm sorry, there's no way as a libertarian he's gonna win anything So, he should just give up Well, and he, the only things that he can run for, because he is a felon, are, is the Senate, the House Representatives, and the presidency So, unless he's one of two major parties, I don't really, I don't really see his future And also, I don't remember the last time a bravo star ever had any political, any political wins Oddly enough, MTV, yes, bravo, no Well, I think Arnold Schwarzenegger, even though he wasn't a reality star, he was a really cheesy action star And I think that he's kind of opened the door to really stupid people getting into office Well, you know, the thing is this, oddly enough, I enjoy the idea of a candidate having a completely honest, you know, relationship with the people Being like, this is what I did, whatever, and this is what I believe, and I don't care what you think about my reputation Because that's so refreshing, than the canned responses that you hear from every politician So, for me personally, I would actually rather enjoy watching Thomas Ravenel run for a major office But realistically, it's just, it's never gonna happen How is he gonna be able to defend himself when they show, when they show him, like, waking up in bed with the, uh, the Barbie of the, Barbie of the Senate Or whatever the girl is, Catherine, you know, or like, how transparent his motives are for getting into a relationship with someone He pretty much only wants to get married for his political career, you know, how are you gonna be able to defend that on a large scale? And by the way, I also love that I'm actually discussing this, like I'm on the McLaughlin group, like this is going to go somewhere I take it just as seriously, especially since I'm recapping it, so I'm intimately acquainted with all these people and care about them like they're my real friends I cannot wait to go to Charleston this summer, because my mom and I were gonna take a trip together and had planned to do so before I started recapping this And I'm like writing down restaurants to go to and like, oh my god, I wanna go so badly after this show, this show makes me, this show makes me really wanna go to Charleston It's part of, it's my favorite part of the show, it's just seeing like the exteriors and the different homes and stuff, because I'm a geek with that I'm very Cameron about the sexual real estate I love Cameron, I love her on the real world and I love her on this show too Yeah, yeah, she's super cute, I like that girl What about the girl who's supposedly some punk, who is obviously living off some rich guy and the assistant girl who's like an idiot in hilarious Yeah, she's like, how do you afford this house, how do you pay for this house? She's like, with my bank account, how do you pay for your house? She's like, yeah, but what do you do? She knows she goes from working, what do you do? She's like, investments, she's like, she's like, investments, but like, what does that mean? Like, you're investing things? She's like, yeah, I'm investing things I'm investing dick, like, old rich dick It was the blind fighting with the blind, it was so funny I make a penis deposit into my vaginal bank and money compliment I basically, between Jenna, that's her name, Jenna and Whitney, the two of them are trying so hard to be like alternative and like cool and like non Charleston, but they just look like idiots because that's not the way anyone outside of Charleston looks No, and it's also not, if anybody who really wants to live in like the fringes of society Like, that's the Charlestonian version of the fringes of society The actual fringes of society involve way more grease and way more tattoos Yeah, exactly, I'd like to see those two, like, go to Silver Lake and like survive in afternoon Actually, like, they didn't look like they belong in Beverly Hills, yeah Yeah, exactly, they'd be like a thrish shop, well, I never I have to Meanwhile, I'm very happy that Bravo wedged in a tiny little moment with Whitney's mom because I'm like obsessed with this woman I've like, I've done significant amounts of research, I'm Pat Ashton First, I love that her name is Pat Let's just, it all begins and ends there, honestly But then she reminds me of what designing women, like, I feel like she was the inspiration for designing women Oh, yeah, she's Julie's sugar baker She's like all the rolled into one Wait, who's the mom, which mom? Pat Whitney's mom with the pink pistol and the gay personal chef Oh, when you said Whitney, I'm like, what girl have we seen there, mom? Oh, but I forgot that Whitney is a boy with Chuck Obama's wig The balding wig Yeah, the balding wig The guy who's like trying to be hip and cool Who, by the way, only hangs out with girls Yeah I mean, not saying anything about that, but That sounds better, right? Yeah, his mom is the best And I love that I don't like it, let me say it again I do not like that I don't like it, I don't like it Isn't that a little out of your realm? [laughter] You know, honestly, she could be doing nothing Just when she was reading about her Birkin bag that came through She was just like, this is a pink Birkin bag, exclusive to it I'm like, go on, just speak Possibly the rarest and most difficult to find Birkin I don't even want to imitate her because there's just no, I can't even come close I hope that, I hope her chef, her day chef, realizes that he has pretty much the best job in the country But he gets to hang out with her all day long I think that's why he said damn happy Yeah, he is really happy, he is really happy He's really gay, yeah, really gay Super gay, and both are happy and gay And the fact that Whitney is around us 24/7 and has nothing but girlfriends makes you wonder Mm-hmm, what the? Well, the best thing in southern charm is coming next week Because that red-headed little hoe that Ravenel hooked up with on the first night that they met Apparently went and hooked up with one of his friends like the next night Or something or like a couple of steps, a couple days later And now she's telling off Ravenel for not giving her enough respect It's like, bitch, you slept with him after knowing him for two hours And then you slept with his best friend like the next day How much respect exactly do you think you're gonna get? And I mean, you dye your hair red, that's just like a no-no in Charleston That's not, that's magenta Like, who do you think you are, Jenna? Being all crazy and alternative And like, all, like, like a fringe society? Yeah, what you an artist But you're like an independent voice So she is saying that she could be pregnant And that is gonna be hilarious Because that is so, as Derrick Kvelton put it on our page That is so old-school soap opera being ripped off Who was that guy here? Yeah, who's the daddy? Do you guys remember the days of our live story? Well, I mean, it was Stefano and John It was Stefano D'Amira and John Black And it was, was it Kristen's baby? Yeah, it was Kristen You are main, main, main It was Kristen's like stupid twins Susan Yeah You are main, Kristen God bless Eileen Davidson And she would have these delusions that Elvis was the baby's dad And Elvis would come on and sing to the baby God, I love that, I miss that joke Her teeth got smaller when she put in her personality I'm not bigger when she took it Sorry, I'm sorry Anyone who watches Days of Our Lives is gonna love that The rest of you, sorry So that's gonna be great next week Something I wanted to bring up was People are asking on our Facebook page About this American mail, this dating rituals of the American mail And why we aren't covering that Okay If you want us to, I guess we'll watch it But here's what I'm not I watched it with Ben and 15 minutes into it I was like, no, I can't No, no, bye I actually left his house I was like, bye He actually had fun watching the rest of his bullshit He disappeared, we're eating pizza And he's just like, see ya Yeah, I was like, bah, good to hang out with you I'm not subjecting myself to this So I thought it was stupid But everybody is apparently really loving it And I guess the point is that they're supposed to be douchey In hilarious, but I don't know I watched the rest of the episode This week actually I took a week off before finishing the episode You know, I did enjoy it I felt like it was fake though I mean, it felt very stagey But, you know, I liked it Am I compelled to go watch it again? Not really Um, I like that Bravo I think with Southern Charm and with this show Bravo is actually getting a little bit more male soundtrack Like, there are Like, not necessarily in its demographics But in who's actually on the show Yeah I mean, Tom got so much attention On band or crump rules And the cast of Southern Charm is Born to men to women And the men get far more attention And this show is about straight males Yes, and it's basically populated Populated by straight males Like, it's not women interviewing them essentially, right? I think, hopefully Bravo is realizing something That, like, I think that the Bravo viewers Like, they're women to be older And, um, and fussy And they're like, they're men to be younger and hot And that's all you have to do Because when there's younger women on Bravo It's always like, oh, these vapid women Get them off my screen, you know Older men, you're like, ugh, these old farts Get them off my screen But you switched around? It's perfect Yeah, beautiful Um, what did you think about the blood sweat And heels finale? Um, it was fine It was, it was like everything else in the series Which was that, like, um It was leading up to something explosive And then they kind of dealt with it in a semi-mature way And it kind of fizzled out I mean, I still like the show I'm holding out hope that it'll be better next season I loved the way the show began I was a big fan And it kind of fizzled out over the course of the season The reunion looks great, though Uh, they're going to have a reunion for that show Did that reunion take place and watch what happened? It's like the first time The reunion was at, I think it's in the Bravo Clubhouse, as I say Right, because that's what they did for Vanderpump Rules the first year Their reunion, I think, was No, it was for, not for Vanderpump Rules, it was for, um, above death Oh, yeah, it was, yeah, below death It was the DeX Show I'm so excited to come back as well Um, I I mean, I don't really watch below death Um, I don't watch maids Um, but What was I going to say about blood sweat and heels? I don't know what they're going to have a reunion about Bitch, you are drunk Just say I'm a sloppy drunk, sorry I flashed my vagina at your office party And ended Why do you, you cannot just use your dead dad It's like her Lyme disease Like, that is not an excuse for everything Just stop it I agree I, I'm a big fan of My God, I think she's hilarious And I think that she's more in the right in this In general, I like her side, more than the other side But I think Bree was right, I mean, when Bree says, you know what, my opinion is that you're a sloppy drunk I think Micah has to accept that that's a reality You might not be an alcoholic, but you are a sloppy drunk And you have to realize that when you're a sloppy drunk You're going to piss off people, regardless of what's happening in your personal life And then those girls were sent, her friends were standing up for her and saying You shouldn't be calling her a drunk, that's named Colin Yeah, I thought that was, I thought they were defending her, you're right They defended her, and then she's like, I felt alone, my friends didn't even defend me And then now she's mad at them, it's like shut up No one needs to defend you, you know who's going to defend you when you're pulled over? Nobody, some lawyer from the back of a bus, because you're going to fail your fucking drunk driving test Because you're a drunk, so just say you're a drunk and be okay with it Look at the mom on southern charm, she's a drunk and we love her It's like just to be okay with who you are and it'll be okay But this denial and blaming shit on your dead dad is just stupid That whole show, and Daisy, you're wig and you're wearing a son hat at night Okay, the whole show, I mean, just stop Daisy annoys me a little bit, but you know, I don't know, I think the show has potential I mean, it started off really strongly, and then it kind of like ended on a whimper And this little dinner on a boat was like, what-as Yeah, I don't know about that show, they're not even friends with each other And they don't want to be friends with each other, so it's like I don't really see how this one's going to do anything unless they recast the whole thing It's not like a married to medicine, where you knew it was fake, but at least they all went there You know, they all made an effort to make it work And it looks like, it looks like even Jackie, Dr. Jackie, the season's going to get into it with someone Yeah, she's like, well I know you call yourself a doctor when you're just a dentist I'm like a girl's like A dentist is a doctor, it's like your name is Harmony, okay? Or it's like something like Harmony or Symphony It's like no one is going to listen to anything you have to say, okay? Harmony By the way, speaking of Blood, So and Heels, did anyone see the Mike's performance of her song about Turkey Bacon? No Because remember in the season premiere of this show? Yeah Like the very first, almost one of the first things that we saw was like Mike and Ben being like, I want some Turkey bacon I want some Turkey bacon, like she did this like song that was actually really funny So now she's turned it into like a dance song And at the reunion she sings it, she has like these two shirtless dancers singing along with her It's sad Well, I like that everybody's really learning to celebrate the sadness And this Real Housewives award is about to ruin the entire franchise Because now they're all going to be fighting on purpose trying to win a stupid award on watch what happens live Oh my god, that's the award next weekend, isn't it? Yeah, we're going to have to watch that Yeah, we will Alright, we're So yeah, you guys watch it, I think it's on the 23rd So we'll be watching that, but we need to wrap up. It is time to get It's time to get So thank you guys for listening, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com/watchwithcraphens And on Twitter @whatcraphens, you can find me Ronnie Karam at Ronnie Karam on Twitter or at trashbeatTV For all of the writers recaps on trash.tv.com You can find Ben at Bsideblog on all the good social media outlets or at Bsideblog.com for really funny recaps And you can find Alex at A.L.F. August at Twitter Yeah, and she's also recapping She's recapping Southern Charm at trashotTV.com Please watch Southern Charm, yeah, all the ratings are not great, I'm really worried about it, but it's such a good show Yeah, you see I'm a big fan, and by the way, do like us on Facebook and I promise I won't snap at you, I just am very hangry today Hangry It'd be nice to meet you, because it's my first term Yeah, good luck with that Alex We love you guys, we love all you have to say We do, we actually do Yeah, thanks for being here, and thank you for hanging out with us on our Facebook page too We have a lot of fun with you Today there's like 35 comments on there about stuff to talk about on the show And I think we got, I think we got all of them, I think we did Except this one, I'll end with this one from Diane Can we talk about Aviva and her home elevator? Like does she have someone on her staff to hold her hand every time she uses it? Does Reid have to stay home to help her? Maybe there are signs on every floor saying "Ra Ra Aviva, you did it" Thank you guys for posting on there, and we will talk to you next week Bye! 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