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Hey Ben, what was your worst Valentine's present? Well, I've never actually really gotten a Valentine's present, so I can't really say. So I guess a whole bunch of air was the worst one and it's also my best present that I've ever gotten. But I'll tell you one thing, if I liked berries, I'd be very happy if someone got me some Shari's berries, they are giant freshly dipped strawberries and they start at $19.99, that's over 40% savings, or you can double it for $10 more. You just need to use the code "watch" when you order and you can get these strawberries for like $20. Here's the only way to get this amazing Valentine's Day deal, giant freshly dipped strawberries starting at $19.99 or double the berries for just $10 more. So at berries.com, b-e-r-r-i-e-s.com, click on the microphone in the top right corner and then type in "watch". Go to berries.com, click on the microphone and type in "watch". Order today, don't leave someone like Ben lonely for more Valentine's. I can't. I can't. Poor guy. "Watch what crappins, watch what crappins, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins, who cares what crappins, the podcast about all the crapp we love to talk on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV and as always, I'm here with the beautiful Ben Mandelker of b-side blog, "Hello Ben Jamina." Oh, hello there. Hello there. What kind of words for you to say? I know, right? I totally mean all of them. Wow, you must be in the Valentine's Day spirit after our shower is very bad. Yeah, it's hard to shake that sherry's berry thing off. And then get your car wash for an extra $4. You know, sherry's berry, it's funny, sherry's berry isn't our only advertiser. I just want to say really quickly, as we start this podcast up, we've been pushing a promo code for GoDaddy.com, which is that if you use the promo code crappins, you get like a domain for like $2 or $3. Well, people guess what, all things good, all good things come to an end. And this promo code is ending and thinking about a week. And after that, you are no longer getting a URL for the $2 or $3. We're going to have a new promo code we think that's coming through and it's going to be like 30% off, but that's much more expensive than $3. So everyone will act on it. Yeah, get it and get your Bravo based domain and enter our contest. Just email me at Ronny@trashtalktv with whatever you bought. And we will build the little website for whoever gets the funniest one. I'm going. Yeah. Okay, so let's get on with this. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com/watchwalkcrapins. We're actually on there right now reading your comments throughout the show when we record. And it's a really good community to come laugh about stuff throughout the week. And we're also on Twitter @whatcrapins. You can find Ben @bsideblog.com and on every social media outlet @bsideblog. And I'm Ronny Caram on Twitter or a trash tweet TV. So what's that? There is that. I'm just so excited for this podcast, I have to say this week, because we're really going to talk about the only two shares shows that are on my mind at the moment. And that's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules. And I have to thank whoever sent in the article, let me see if I can find it. I think it was Cindy C who posted a link on our Facebook page to Time Magazine. Time Magazine wrote an article about Vanderpump Rules. And they christened the show like the must hate see show on TV right now. And I couldn't agree more. And I'm just sort of been scanning through this article, skimming through it in the past few minutes. And what I really liked is that they used this phrase, "The deeply unlikable Kristen Doubt." Deeply unlikable. Kristen, who Time Magazine is called, "Deeply unlikable." Well, she finally won something. She finally gave a performance. It got some notice. You're a horrible horsey. Oh my goodness. First face number one wins. So okay, so last night was the Vanderpump Rules phenol. I was glad that Jack's got pushed in a pool because he got a bath. And now every time I see Jack's, I think of him as being really stinking, having terrible breath and never flossing because that's what Tom said. Well, you know what, first of all, this is a warning to anyone who stays at the Andas in West Hollywood, never swim in that pool again. There's no amount of chlorine that can fix that pool now. It has been contaminated. Someone has dropped nuclear waste in there, essentially. If nuclear waste could be a male model, it would be Jack's. Yeah. So is herpes like your period where everybody gets it at the same time because that restaurant is going to just have like one major sick week? No, it's those people need to start working other places and spread that disease around. Get it out of that restaurant. Yeah. Well, I'm sure once Pump opens up, they'll be spreading it next door. Oh, God. Well, you know, gay bar, this kind of behavior would actually make sense. Yeah. And if this was taking place in a gay club, you would just expect that everybody sleeping with everybody else's boyfriend and not feeling bad about it because that's how we roll. But shame on you, straight people. Shame on you. Absolutely. You guys are all the heroes in the Bible. How dare you act like this? So did you actually enjoy the season finale? Yes, I really got into Vanderpump Rules this year because I learned how to watch it while I'm doing dishes or while I'm like cutting potatoes or something like that. So you feel like you're actually in the restaurant then? Well, I feel like if I'm not just sitting there staring at it, it's not, I'm not wasting my life, you know, that's what really kills me. But if I'm actually doing something, you know, like helping needy children, grooming, I've taken a flossing, especially since that Jack's revelation, you sound like you're here from down to Abbey. I've taken a flossing. You have to dinner. Yes, a floss. I've taken a floss. I have to say, well, one thing that I really enjoyed about this season finale was the amount of camera time that was devoted to poor little Tom's brain exploding inside his head. And you know, the reason why his brain was exploding is because you still can't come to terms with the fact that his girlfriend may have slept with Jack's. He doesn't know who to believe because for the majority of the episode, Kristen was still holding onto the line. Much like the season finale last season where Jack's kept on saying that he didn't sleep with anyone else. And then in the last seconds, he told everyone that sir, that he did sleep with someone else. Same thing happened this week, this season finale except with Kristen. So is this, I mean, look, we all know that this shit's faked, but is it that faked? I mean, do you think they really boned? I think it's, I think they did. I think they boned. Yeah. For sure. They're not good enough actors to be able to cry on cue like that and act that way. I mean, if they could act like that, they would not be working at sir or be on this show. Oh, that's true. Okay. Good point. So that was amazing. That was the biggest reveal because I honestly thought Stacey was sending those tech texts or like, I didn't know what to believe. They have actually guessing it was like watching medium. I was like, is this all in her head? Is this real? Is that a ghost? All they see are like visions of tequila though. So yes, that was an amazing revelation that she actually did have sex with Jacks. Like seriously, seriously, I have them and like, I've like ruined everything, like seriously, seriously. I love that she's still lying about it because she's like, I did sleep with it once. Well, what is it like, does that make it better? It doesn't make it better. So just get it all out there because now next season is all going to be about how she did it twice. Well, what's sort of shocking is that, you know, you watched this episode and you see Tom crying, trying to like get it all together and his poor little brain is working, you know, overdrive and all these, everyone's talking to him saying this, saying that, who's not telling the truth, his girlfriend, she, whatever. And then it comes out and you're like, Oh, this poor guy. And then you sit back and you remember, Oh, wait a second. He like had sex random chicken Vegas also. No, no sympathy for Tom. No sympathy for any of these people. They're all idiots. They should be thrown into a river and drink. Well, the best thing about Tom is when he gets upset, he's, you know, it's like you said, you're watching his brain like internally explode, but he's trying to come up with words. And it's just hilarious to watch because it really does look like he's having a stroke and all he can come out with is like, you're like, I mean, I was like, because you were like, I was all like, and then like, I mean, what, like, how do you feel no remorse? I mean, like, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, it's like, he has bad reception. He's like a little crying skull too. It's like, when you only got limited words, you just become a caveman again. Like is the new. He's basically gone through only two lessons worth of English in Duolingo. So we can only say basic things like, man drinks, woman, water, woman likes water. What are like man? Man face. Face safe. Hair gel. He's like, Kristen. So don't you think it is a little grosser when a woman cheats with us? Let's be honest, you guys, it is kind of grosser when a woman cheats. I don't know why there's that double standard, but I was, I could understand him fucking a whore in Vegas because I don't know. It's what guys do. You go to Vegas. You fuck a stripper. Like, who doesn't? Girl is like, like your private parts, when you're a girl, they're so like wet and like. Like, they're so like, they're so wet and internal. I don't know. Right. Let me be a voice of reason you're for moments, okay? I don't think it's grosser when a woman cheats on a man. I do think, you know, maybe it's more expected when a man does it, and which in that case the double standard is that perhaps we have higher standards for women, higher standards, but we should have higher standards for women. There are mothers. But women, you know, I think women are just as capable of cheating. They're just as capable. We probably, we probably burned them at the stake more. I mean, has their print had to wear that A around, Kristen's going to have to wear a, I don't know, like a sign that just says seriously, and then the other sign below it goes seriously. That's too big of a word, she's just going to have to like have like a penis stitched on to the front of her, a penis with like a don't sign. It'll just be a horse looking sad, like a horse, you know, it'll be a picture of Barbara Oh, the dead horse. Or they could just keep it as an A because that's the only alphabet letter they can remember. So, but yes, you're right. Women are just as capable as men of cheating, but they're also as capable as men at driving. I mean, come on, no, I'm just kidding, no, but I don't know why, I don't know why there is that double standard, but for some reason, it didn't bug me, but also because maybe I like Tom, I think he's nice. He seems like one of the only like nice people. So I was sad for him, but he got cheated on Kristen. I was like rooting for that to be true because I just wanted to see her get dumped and she didn't even get dumped. Well, I think here's why we are in Tom's corner. Okay. She did something bad. He screwed around with some person, some lady off in Vegas before the season even began. So that's already happened. It's already been dealt with. Okay. And then we have to deal with the whole season with this witch hunt, you know, of Kristen, like did you cheat? Did you cheat? Did you cheat? Did you cheat? And I think it's what makes it so awful is the hypocrisy that's happened in this is that like she has been, she has been going like, she's been taking advantage of the situation. She has been roasting him for every single thing he does wrong when in fact she is also guilty. Yes. That's true. That I think is what is what makes people angry. And then it's, and I understand by the way, what makes all the girls angry that they had to sit and listen to this for all this time when she's actually just as culpable in the situation. Oh, she's worse. Okay. He made. She's deeply unlikable. Yeah. He made out with that, that blonde girl in a pool in Vegas or something. No, no, no, no, not in her in Vegas to an Ariana. It's a separate cheating incident. That was like a few years ago when they made out at the golden nugget, the golden nugget. Right. But that was the thing that Kristen was, that was the one that Kristen was going on all season about was that he he was going with Ariana, right? But she was going on about it because he had cheated already with some, some woman in Vegas. Yeah, but she was mad that he made out with some chick. And meanwhile, she went down on like a herpes tree, like she climbed a herpes tree. She jumped into a herpes lake. She basically put her face in a peachy dish. Yeah. I mean, I'm, I think I'll show around the rush. Oh, by the way, I was reading today, someone told me to drink kefir because it's good for probiotics. And I looked it up and it's made out of like yeast and fermented milk, like seriously stop suggesting that shit. That's not healthy. But yeah, that's, that's Jackson's penis, basically. But yeah, I was thinking about that, you know what, I totally forgot kefir totally fucked up my train of thought. Thanks a lot. Fermented milk. Well, you know, fermented milk was Kristen's other nickname that we would have gone with had horse face been taken. So I'm going to call her turtle, turtle one and kirtle to I'm going to make you guys a present today, when you come to, I guess come to my website or Benz, whatever, I trash talk TV when I post this tonight, I'm going to put a ringer because someone just mentioned this in the comics. I'm going to, in the comments on Facebook, I'm going to put a ringer of Stacey going, you're disgusting. So every time someone calls you, every time the bitchiest person in your life calls you, your phone will go, you're disgusting. You're disgusting. You're disgusting. You're, did you just first, because I called you disgusting? So I'll put that on today. Okay. So what else happened on, well, okay, so we, so a few things happened. So aside from the fact that we're in this like moral, you know, loop to loop with all these people, you also have Jax, who still continues to be totally unapologetic about the fact that he banged Kristen and his whole logic, we, we sort of got a grater inside into his, into his little brain. And his logic was that their relationship was basically, they were basically roommates. It was like, it was a glorified roommate situation. And that the woman had needs and it was, it was, it would be better if we were telling it like, Alexia from the Real Housewives of Miami, or well, you know, Peter, like, you know, like Peter, just, you know, he sees a woman. And like she, like, she's like not getting sex from her boyfriend. So like it's really like his responsibility to give her sex, you know, like it's totally understandable because, you know, sometimes a card needs some gas in it. And so if Peter pulls off to the side and he puts his nozzle in a tank, you know, that makes him a good guy. He's like, he's not a bad guy. He was helping the car with our gas, you know, yeah, he was being like nice, like this is like the, you know, this has been really hard for him, you know, well, you know, Peter ever since, you know, Frankie, it's been hard. So like this is like his way of giving back to the community. Like he punched an old man, so he's like, okay, so the way I make makeup for it is that like if I find a girl who needs to have sex and have sex with him and that's why he expresses himself. Yeah. Oh, you know, Peter, he's kind of psychic because, you know, my mom's a psychologist. And so he didn't want to become a psychologist. So he just took the psych apart and became kind of psychic. And he knew that Paul Walker was going to die in a car accident. And so he was trying to watch that movie about racing cars, but instead he got stuck on drive and it got so depressing that he needed a blowjob. And so he got it from that girl. And so, you know, you can't really blame him because he was really sad about Paul Walker, who turned out to be in a different movie that sounded like it. Oh, well, you know, Peter, you know, he doesn't do very, very well with car accidents. You know, ever since Frankie, you know, like, oh, well, you know, Peter, he can't deal with them. So like when he thinks about Paul Walker, he's like, Oh gosh, like, you know, like I'm very sad right now. And like I think it was very nice that that girl Christian to give him a blowjob because that's what he does. What he needed right now, you know, if Ryan Gosling was more like Paul Walker, then this wouldn't have happened. Oh, well, you know, like, I don't know why people aren't like applauding Peter because, you know, like he did a wonderful thing, you know? Yeah. So Jackson is a fucking psycho, basically. He basically rationalize all the things like their relationship was basically a sham and she needed some love in. And therefore that's why I stepped in and I think I was doing a good thing. And that's so fucked up in so many different ways. Like first of all, it's not up to him to decide if the relationship is a glorified roommate situation or not. Like that's their relationship and until they're broken up, it's not up for you to go in there in a predatory way. Yeah. Jack's is gross and we've known that for a long time and he's stinky, which we found out recently, but I didn't really know he would. I mean, when I think of douchebag, yeah, okay, he's a slut or whatever. But when I think of a douchebag, I don't think of him. I think of him as like a big dorky guy. But then in this last, these last couple episodes, I was like, oh my God, there's the hidden douche. It's like, it's like that hidden dragon. Like here it is. Yeah. When he was like, why should I feel bad? No, I don't feel bad. You want me to say, bro, what, what do you want to peace, bro? I'm like, really. So now you're going to start a fight with somebody after you fuck their girlfriend. Come on. Yeah, I just, I really don't understand why he's so unapologetic. It's so, it's so strange to me. I feel like he accidentally took that stance. Like he sort of like forgot that Thomas is best friend or something and he'd like took this unapologetic stance and then is now just sticking with it because he feels like he has to. Like it just makes no sense. Yeah. And Viviana's pointing out in the comments that when that whole fight erupted, he was yelling, you came twice, sweetheart, nice jacks, nice. So yeah. So finally, Tom at least grew a pair and made Jack's bleed, which was fun. You know, Bravo has shown us a lot of fights. Like once Adriana hit somebody on Real Housewives of Miami, that opened a whole floodgate of trashy behavior that people were like, basically, we can beat each other up now on TV and we won't get fired. It's like the old days of the real world where you hit somebody and you're out of there. Yeah. That's all bad girls club. So now every show has to have somebody getting waxed on national TV, getting their buckhole bleached or making someone else bleed. And I really love this making him bleed. They took it that much. I was actually happy with that because first of all, the fight came out of nowhere based Tom and Kristen were standing over the group as sir at Shino's engagement party. And Tom is like, do you feel anything? Do you feel this and almost like punches Jack right in the forehead? And you know, there was like pandemonium and then yeah, Jack's had a bloody forehead and I think he liked it. But yeah, he was smiling. He's a fucking sicko. That was some sick shit, but it was really funny watching Shino. Yeah. And she's like, what are you doing? And he says, darling, calm down, she's like, oh, I just got my teeth fixed. I just got my teeth fixed and someone pushed me over. Like Shino, like your teeth are not in your elbow. If you get pushed, it's okay. She probably showed up the next day to work with those gigantic glasses and crutches and like a neck brace and crutches. Yeah. I need perfect vision. So my mouth hurt. She's she's on like a little scooter. Have you heard of the rascals? Have you been able to hear her my book worlds? Yeah. When I ever see talks, I'm like, Shino, Shino, Shino from Azusa and by the way, she performed her new future hit, good as gold on the bar top with her trashy mom standing there in the crowd. And I was watching with our friend Michelle. And she was like, could you imagine like dancing like this in front of your mother? I love that she's like completely singing off key with her track. That was hilarious. It was like the worst harmonizing with herself ever. She's a kind of like, and I was gone. A friend of mine was like, oh, that's catchy. I'm like, yeah, because it's three, it's one note repeated over and over. It's like a fucking ringtone. Like you would recognize a siren outside because it's one sound droning over and over. It doesn't make it a good pop song. It's a fucking fire. I think the song would be better if it were sung by an old epson, like, like, not Matrix printer, you know, like that would be more musical than Shino singing it. Or like Robert Goulay, good as gold, hey. So yeah, that was pretty embarrassing for, and then, and then meanwhile, you had saucy who tried to make herself seem like she was the biggest victim of all this, you know. Oh my God, best line of this show in history is one of the good people who can make it come out on top. I'm like, good person. Really? I'm like, well, as long as you're working in, sir, I think the good people have behind the top. Really? As long as you stay there. The drug addict girl from last year ended up getting into Jennifer Aniston movie. She was like the only bearable person. And then what happened this year to the good people, Tom got to hit Jackson and he ended up with a really smooth face. Yeah. And Ariana, you know, she got to show up in casuals up pants. Ariana got to be on TV and didn't have to act like an asshole or sell her soul. I mean, granted, it was her first season. I know next season she's going to be a disaster. Yeah, because they all turn, they all turn. A love Lisa, love the Lisa is just such an out of control bitch on this show to me. She's sorry because I love how she goes like, she's like, I really don't want to get involved. But tell me, what's going on? Yeah. You're a pig. You're disgusting. Go apologize, Stacey, go apologize, I mean that, I mean that. So that's been a really fun season. I'm sad. It's over, but I'm sure it's going to be back on in a month. Oh, no, I can't wait. Well, we have the reunion next week. I can't wait for that. Oh my God. What happened to Stacey's hair in that reunion? All of them, all their hair looks ridiculous. Well, it's because they get paid so little, which I just love. I just love that Bravo is making them ruin their lives and still paying them $700 a week. And they're stuck waiting tables at this restaurant because the only way that it can maintain their fame is they're stuck at this menial job. That's the most amazing feat of this show. Yeah, it really is. They can't take off. And in fact, Time Magazine, the article was saying something about how the novelty of watching the Kardashians has really fallen by the wayside because they've become so self-aware of their public persona that it's all super staged. But these kids don't have the chance to become super famous because they will still ultimately always be waiters. And if they try to leave their waiting job, they will be off the show and their fame will evaporate. I think it's just wonderful. Yeah, I do too. I mean, Kristen would have been gone at any other restaurant already. 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I am reading a comment from Summer on our Facebook that said, "Last night on Watch What Happens, Andy asked Jacks how he knew to play it off when Stassi texted him pretending to be Kristin. Jack says, "Kristin told me from this point on, assume Stassi will have my phone. Lisa says under her breath, they rehearsed it." What the hell? Damn, this show? Damn, this show for messing with me! I can't believe how invested I am in all these stupid things. Well, we could just go and ask them. Yeah, we should just go. Yeah, we should. We'll put on hazmat suits and go ask them. It can't be worse than anybody else. I mean, you know that people go, like when you see a real star, you're not supposed to go up to them. But if you see someone from Vanderpump Rules, you're totally allowed. Yeah, right. Well, I think any reality star, you're allowed to just go and ask them questions. That's what I found. So, if you're walking around the streets in L.A., if you see a movie star, you don't say anything. Right. If you see a TV star, you generally don't say anything, but you could maybe. If you see a reality star, you can go up to them and ask any question and say anything you want. If you see a reality star, you can ask them questions. You can wipe your nose on their sleeve. You can literally do whatever I've gone over. I've walked out so many reality stars. They are so happy for the attention. Why do you think they got into this game in the first place? They just want the attention. Yeah. They're so sad. So anybody, please feel free to tweet us or you can test her. Yeah. And that includes like, yeah, that includes podcasters. But also, like, Lisa Vanderpump, you could totally talk to her. Like, even though she's like classy, she's still a reality star. Yeah. Yeah, there's no rules. That should be put to the LA Charter. Like reality stars, you can treat just as shitty as you treat everybody else. Yeah. By the way, if you hear helicopters in the background, I think there's a manhunt going on outside. Yeah, me too. There's something going on in the hood today. Yeah. There's a murderer who I think he fled up to run in Canyon and then was seen in Hollywood. Is that true? Oh, yeah. 100% true. Well, I love that even murderers here are working out at running Canyon. That place is just so popular. I know. The murder is like, when did the good people get out on top? He's like, I better get a beautiful view of the sunset before I go to jail. So let's move on. Are we done with Vanderpoopers? I think so. I mean, I probably have some other thoughts, but you know what, I'll just share them on Facebook if they come to me. I didn't take notes this week. That's why I'm like, I can't remember anything. Well, if they come to you, just talk to them, just say them out loud and know who's here man. We need to. Here's all that everyone needs to know. Tom's brain was exploding all episode. Kristen lied. Seriously. Seriously. Sassy, for some reason, thinks that she is the one who was the biggest victim in all this and that she's a good person and a good people don't come out on top. She is very concerned about the state of her teeth now that she's been shoved. And that's pretty much it. I think. Yeah. That's pretty much it. I think Sassy is right though. Like if I'm not that she's a good person, but she's right that she's always cheated on. Everyone's cheating on her all the time. Her best friends betray her, but you know why it's because you're not a good person. Exactly. What does that say about you? You know what, if you honestly, I don't like blaming the victim, but sometimes if everyone cheats on you, then you are not a good person. And you know what, if you're an end, if your friends all like sleep with your boyfriends, et cetera, that means that your friends are not good people and you shouldn't be hanging out with them. The reason why you're all hanging out together is because you're all awful evil people. Yeah. You're all bad. Okay. So let's move on to the Real Housewives of Berbelejo speaking of evil people. Okay. So what I loved about this episode is that it started off with a confrontation between Joyce and Carlton that was all about whether or not Carlton had cast an evil spell and it went on for like many minutes, like maybe five minutes, like a serious to adults having a conversation about whether or not an evil magic spell was cast on one of their husbands. Oh my God. And then she's like, don't be so flippant about my religion. What is that? Flippant, you know? I'm not flippanty. Oh my God. I mean, look, good for you for knowing two languages, but I'll bet she's just as bad as Spanish. I'll bet she. That's why she got bullied. That's why they called her Joyce because she didn't know how to say her own name. What's that? Um, you, this show has really just, it's the worst. I mean, let's get some rich bitches back on this show and get that Carlton and Joyce and Brandy and who else can's not really doing anything either. Like, well, I want to watch her get a fucking tattoo, get out of here, recast. So Michelle and I watched it last night together and we played this great game that I think everyone should play from here on out, which is before the, before you start watching, you rank who you think are from, from stupidest to smartest, the smartest, uh, housewives in Beverly Hills. And then as the episode plays out, it's fun to see how the, how the rankings changed because they definitely do change over the course of the episode. We went in with Kim was the stupidest. And then in second, the last place was Carlton followed by Joyce. And that was very, that was very contentious because Michelle was really, I was gonna say, I would say Joyce, uh, Joyce. I know, but I was pushing for Carlton because, because, because I think Carlton, Carlton is very, very, very stupid. And she doesn't always even realize that stupid. She thinks she's smart too. That's the problem. How could you say that someone who says, I had a dream that you're talking shit about me. And who does that? How can you say that person is, is third, third stupidest, their, their second? The other one invented an entire pageant called like the best, most greatest, most wonderful girl in the world pageant. Like shut up. That doesn't make sense. And also I love that Carl, Carlton so stupid that she miss spells her own child's name. Yeah. See, that's exactly. That's why Carlton is the same. It's tough. It's tough. It's tough. It's a fun game. And then at the top, I think we had Lisa was the smartest. And I think we went, I think it goes, Lisa, Yolanda, Kyle, Brandy, that was the word. I hate to say this, but I think it would go, Lisa, Kyle. That's what Michelle was saying. That's what Michelle was saying. Because Kyle's an asshole, but she's, she's not stupid. Yolanda's stupid. I mean, Yolanda like tries to act like she's smart and she's a fucking bitch. She's one of those people who's just an ice cold bitch. And so you assume she's smart and that's why she acts better than you. But she's not. She's just some dumb ho who's learned how to be a bitch. That's all. She's not smart. I mean, you do have a point, you do have a point and, and you know, Michelle would definitely agree with you. Well, Michelle was pushing for Kyle to be in second place for sure. I mean, Lisa is definitely first place and Brandy is definitely right in the middle, you know. Well, I think we all had a weird moment with Kyle last night because Kyle's been pretty obnoxious and hateable. Oh, oh, and then she became somewhat likable last night. So let me just finish that sentence. But can I ask you, when did she become Jewish? Because I feel like maybe that was mentioned before, but this year it's like every episode. Yeah, it's it's it's never been like overtly mentioned. I've always noticed them as is on the door at their house. But I think the reason why they like went into it this year is because they knew they had this fight coming up. So they're like super Jews now. I'm wondering if Steven Spielberg is about to put his house on the market because those two are fishing. Those two don't do anything unless there's a commission involved. I think she saw Denny Moore in deconstructing Harry and was like, you know what, that could be me. We look sort of similar. So I'll be Jewish. That's true. I love her. I love her her version of Jewishness. And at that dinner table, they're like, ah, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, blah, blah, blah, blah, like come on now, me and Brandy knows the words to dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. But that being said, what I liked about Kyle last night was that we got like a return of Kyle from season one, which was the Kyle who was sharp-tonged and did not hold back. And when she was mad, she would like really go on the attack and you could not stop her. And you kind of like rooted for it when she would do it. Yeah. Cause she was a bitch on wheels. And this whole fake thing she's been doing lately or forever since season one to get nice tweets about her is just fucking ridiculous. Yeah. But you know, Carlton at least did her job and got Kyle pissed. Yeah. Cause Carlton, well, okay, to be fair, Carlton, believe it or not, was sort of in the right when, when Kyle kept on saying, Lisa, tell her, tell her, tell her. And Carlton was like, huh, huh, huh, he's my name, Carlton. You know, she actually is right. It is rude to say her. But then the way they're, the way that we do ever say that at dinner, like Ronnie, stop calling me him, you know, my name, that's disrespectful. And then your boyfriend would be like, yeah, you know, it really makes her feel like, and it really makes Ben feel like an object when you call him him like, you know, what else makes your wife look like an object? Her fucking fake ass saline size, de-sized tits. Okay. Or the fact that she's had all the body fat sucked out of her and shops at Hustler and tries to maintain some porn star body to keep you happy. Okay. Maybe that's what makes her like, look cheap and irrelevant. Yeah. And I, and by the way, and whoever, whoever posted the picture of Carlton as a California reason on our Facebook wall, thank you. That was really great because she really, it's not that she, like, not just that she's like shriveled up and like overhand is that she actually physically looked like the reason. Like they had the same mouth. It's very strange, it's very bizarre. So basically Carlton just poking at Kyle and tell Kyle, well, she, she cues Kyle of like talking shit about her at her party. She said, you, you were making fun of my bathrooms and then they showed the flashback. And like Kyle was like, ew, I don't want to go to the bathroom here because someone took a shit in here. You know, like. Yeah. Well, also one thing Carlton said at that point was, well, you know, I had some friends who were standing in line for the bathroom and they heard you saying, no, you, some producers came up to you and told you that to start shit, just like they always do. Those producers are really, really reaching. Yeah. So Kyle was making fun of your bathroom because someone just took a poop in there. I mean, give me a break producers at least make an effort. Make it good. You know? Yeah. And then I think from the, did she have some other complaints or then there was like the whole joke about like the nipple, the nipple thing came back and good for Kyle from mentioning that Carlton is all like pissy about Kyle making a joke about a nipple when truly what at Carlton's party were girls, naked girls and body paint nipples greeting people at the door. Shut the fuck up Carlton. Yeah. She's Carlton is just too stupid to live. She needs to just stop it. She needs to go away already. So then I love that the biggest fight of the season so far has been about shit smell in the bathroom. That's pretty much where this show, this show is gone. And then it, and then it escalated to the tattoo thing about, you know, Carlton being furious at Kyle for, you know, as, as a Jewish person, you should know the difference between a Jewish star and a pentagram. Like I was like, I couldn't see all of it. I only saw a few points, you know, like, and you know what, I, you know, I actually, I didn't think that Carlton was being that anti-Semitic, but I know that there are other people who actually did take it from an anti-Semitic place. And it was sort of cool to see Kyle play that card with Carlton. Like I'm not a fan of always playing that card, but as long as Carlton's being totally ridiculous, why not have that card played on you, you know, and see how you deal. The thing with Kyle that really bugs me is like, I'd like seeing her, well, everything, first of all. But seeing her be a bitch was kind of fun, but it's, it's a fact that she can't, she's not witty enough to just be a bitch when she needs to be. She has to like go tell her gays and then they come up with lines for her that she can use later. Like, um, well, if you don't want people to ask you if you're a witch and stop acting like one. It's like, oh, really, Kyle? How long have you had that written on the back? I actually like that line. I think it was something like if you want people to believe in wickens, like, you know, stop acting like a witch. Whoever was butchering it, I liked the line. I thought it was good. Yeah, but that was, that was a total pre-written Kyle thing. That's what she does. Like she comes with these like little bon mocks that she's teamed up. It's like shut up, Kyle. Yeah. Well, either way though, Carlton was being totally, totally ridiculous. I mean, I still don't understand why she cared so much. I mean, I, so the reason why people would think it was anti-Semitic, how she reacted, for those of you who might have been a little puzzled by it. It's, it's this idea that like, how dare Kyle even suggest that she has a Jewish star on her back to her neck. But, you know, the thing is that this is a woman who's a cross. She was, she was offended because Kyle wasn't recognizing her religion, not that she thought she was Jewish. Exactly. No, I know. I, that's what I think. But either way though, this is also a woman who has a cross on her arm and she has a daughter named Cross, I think. So like, why is it out of the realm of possibilities that she might have a Jewish star on the back of her neck, almost like it could even be like a spiritual Kabbalah thing, you know? No kidding. She fucks in confessionals and has sex parties in her bed, which is covered in crucifixes. So like, I don't want to hear anymore from Carlton about being offended, you know, religiously shot. Yeah. And, I don't know, to me, she's just a really stupid leather bag and one of my favorite parts was when she, she was just so ready to yell at Kyle and she was just so out of control, angry for no reason. And it was so awkward. First of all, the first thing I loved about that was that the husbands and all, basically all the men there were so bored. Yeah. They were like, you know, they're fucking women yelling at each other. They are just so bored at this point that it's hilarious to watch. The second thing I loved was Carlton's big, stupid, fake accent. Yeah. You don't you come on me, don't you come on me, don't you come on me, that is the first time she's ever said that in her life. I believe the word was come on. Come on. But her accent's so stupid, like, don't you come on me, don't you come on me. Honey, if people didn't come on you, you would never have gotten to the position in life that you've gotten to. Okay. I know, with your like wannabe porn star husband, just do like you've always done, pretend it's rain and thank your lucky stars. Okay, honey. No, it was honestly one of the most ridiculous fights of all time. But I'm glad that Carlton was on the receiving end of like, I'm glad that Carlton lost. I mean, she obviously lost and eventually Kyle just was like, fuck this. And I'm just changing seats, you know, you know, you should have known better not to start up with Kyle because you know, Kyle was going to be in a bad mood because there was no fat burger at this party anywhere. So she should know better than to start up with Kyle on a night like that. Also, I love that Kyle changed seats to just sit by people who would stick up for her because she's still kept it going. She changed seats and then she's like, Oh, hey, Carlton. I think that honestly, I think she was like exasperated because, you know what, I would be too. I think everyone was on costs. Even brandy, you know, this is sort of thing that brandy loves to get involved with. She's like, Oh, people are fighting. Let me like throw in some awful like sentiment about black people in the middle of this and then make it about me. Then said brandy was just like hanging out. She's like, Oh, she's like Carlton's wrong. I love brandy's storyline. Look, if brandy's storyline is just going to be that she gets so drunk that she makes someone think she's racist, I mean, that's really not enough. I can't watch a show about some woman who's way too young to not be able to move her face. Like seriously, she's entering Kirk Douglas territory. She looks like she's had a stroke and I can't just watch her like go to photo shoots and like look at leases like what the fuck do something I love to republish her. I loved I loved her bitchy publisher who was like ordering around the gaze and you can see the photographer in the stylus, you know, they were so not happy that this this little like woman who looks like that once her face from the office came in with a dog and started telling them no, no, no, I don't like that. I don't like that. No, this looks terrible. That was terrible. You can see the gays. They were like just bursting with passive aggression, but they lost out. Yeah, well, I mean, they were stupid. They're like, well, she's telling a rolling pen because she's a mother and she's a wife and she's and she's like, yeah, but that's not the book I'm writing. All right, the book I'm writing and putting Brandy's name on is about fucking people. Okay, get the rolling pen out of her hand. Yeah. Get the pan out of her hand. I love that. Like Brandy's writing a book, please. We just saw Brandy's writer and she wears ruffled plaid flannel shirts. Yeah, the other thing that I liked in the episode was, oh, yeah, Kim and Kim and Kimberly getting matching tattoos to go away from college. This was definitely a page out of the Shana book when she got matching tattoos with her mom and Azusa. Oh, God. Hi, let's get something. Let's go get a tattoo. It's like Kim's the only person in the world who sobers up and then gets a tattoo. Like everybody else gets wasted and then gets a tattoo. It's like she's doing everything backwards. Next week, Kim enters the first grade. She's going to give a tattoo to Kingsley. Like he has a bar in front of him and who are in love for each other, Kingsley. Developmentally she's mended him in button. Let's see what else. So Yolanda. Oh, no. I'm not done with that part. I love it. I love that she's like getting a needle stabbed in her arm and her daughter's like, does that hurt? She's like, she's had enough practice. Okay. Kim's like, yeah, I've been here done that. I'm not feeling anything yet. I'm going to crawl around the floor and look for some backs. She's like, this magic marker really hurts. I like that. When I die, I want to come back as a butterfly. I love that they die in like five minutes. She's like, I want to be born a butterfly and then become a caterpillar. Is that work? That way. Because a caterpillar is lying. It's like that book with a caterpillar at it. Yeah, I just want to be able to build my own blanket and wrap myself up on it. Oh, I can come out and be a butterfly. I just I want to be in a cocoon because I really like cocoa and that's what they have in cocoons. Right? Cocoons? Cocoons? How do you spell that? Is that what a thing is? Kingsley. What else happened on the stupid episode? Belanda helped Gigi pack for college. When is this girl going to get to college already? Every episode is like, well, you know like, you're like, sorry, sorry, I'm doing like see her by the back and she's like, well, tomorrow Gigi is moving up to college. So I've made her paintings and the next episode is like, well, Gigi is going to college tomorrow. So I got to a concert. The next is like, Gigi is going to college tomorrow. I made her a playlist on iTunes. It's like, when is she going to go? Someone mentioned it on Facebook, they're like, loved how like, like, Yolanda entered Gigi's room with a giant thing of like bubble wrap, like, like this girl's moving. Like seriously, just put some clothes in a box and your laptop, she can buy all new clothes when she gets there. Jesus Christ, she doesn't need to take all this shit. She needs a U haul for the paintings alone. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. But I love that Yolanda is front of me. Yeah, I love that Yolanda is like, well, you know, and it's so damn it, you know, stupid Lexia sticks in her head. How do you know Yolanda sound very much like Peter, you know, well, it's so I'm so sad to see her go, but I'm really glad that I've given her all of the skills she's going to need to become a very successful young woman. It's like, yeah, she's going to blow somebody and marry a rich old guy like within the first month. I don't think so much fun. I don't think so much fun matters. Yeah. Get out of here. I would have liked. I actually would have liked Yolanda to have been there for the fight at the dinner party with the anti-Semitism. I wonder if she would've had anything to weigh in on about considering that she's so like Aryan looking. She would be like, oh, well, you know, like Germany hates the Jews also. No big deal. By the way, she's neither German nor anti-Semitic. I don't know what made these jokes. I'm like, there's got to be something entertaining in this show. Well, Yolanda just doesn't show up to shit all the time. And so does. Oh, and I love that Kim didn't show up. And nobody made any comment about that after Kim just had a fucking fit about how Lisa never comes to her events. And then Lisa was like, well, where's Kim? So in other words, Kim did not call to say she's not coming. What a shot. Yeah, exactly. And that's like for her brother-in-law's birthday party too, I'd like to add. It has a Black tie event. And by the way, you know what? I really hate. I hate that it's a Black tie event and that like two or three of the guys showed up not in tuxedos. It's Black tie, motherfuckers. Yeah, I'm not going to that party, especially when you keep serving the same things like I get that you won't serve and I get that, you know, a lot of the reason you do the shows to promote your restaurants. But all of those appetizers, I've been served it, sir, for parties. Like, I'm so sick of that little fucking fillet on a toast. Like, come on. Like do something new, at least get new stuff. Those people are probably sick of eating the same crap every time Lisa has an episode. Yeah. And by the way, this is a Black tie event and yet in the middle of it, you had a Kevin Lee shirtless gal man hanging in the pool with Jack. Like, that's not classy. That's not Black tie. That's not, that's the exact opposite of Black tie. I love that Martin is always showing up at Lisa's parties. It's just so funny. Who really loves you? Good to see you all, darling. I know, he just, they don't even make a point of it anymore. He's just there and everyone knows it's Martin. The poor guy who was set up with Kim season one, Martin doesn't even look around the table to watch the fight. He just keeps on eating, like, he keeps his head down, like, "Oh yeah, life's short and I'll finish this while I still can, darling." And by the way, I also loved the oversized painting of Jiggy, that was given to Ken. It was such a stupid painting, but it was so stupid, it was hilarious. Yeah. Ken's future wig, Jiggy. That was like, getting that painting commission was like a huge part of the Divine Addiction monthly budget, perhaps yearly budget. Poor Pandora and her shawl. So every time I see Pandora, I'm like, "Course thing, I don't know why I think that." She's rich, she's got a cute gay husband, she's got a parent she loves. There's nothing to say poor Pandora about, she's got it all, she's got it all. But every time I see her, I just want to hug her. Every time I see her, I'm like, "Oh, it's okay," but she's fine. She's like if Lady Eve actually went up on top, like Stasi said, "When the good people went up on top," and that's what Pandora did. She got a hot husband, a lot of money, she said, "Don't worry about her." Well, I don't know about that, because hot husband's business turned out to be selling like a sangria that's marketed by Lisa, so who's paying for that? I don't know how much she came out on top, it kind of looks like she's with a possible user. Yeah, well, it's okay, sometimes there are situations where each person gets something out of it and he might get the money and she gets to have a hot guy in bed with. I don't know, I just feel so bad for nice people on TV. It's like seeing an old lady in a crosswalk. You just want to scream at them. You shouldn't be here, but at the same time, you kind of want to run them over just to see what would happen with conflicting. Stop going on TV, nice people, you're confusing me. I'm surprised that Pandy hasn't been corrupted yet, it's going to happen. She's kind of getting there, she's kind of getting annoying of it, like putting her nose in shit on banner pub rules. Yeah, she tells like, Stasi, behave, behave, Stasi, not now, this is a divine addiction party. Stasi, I'm hiring Shina to do some eyeshadow commercials for the side, or some eyeshadow articles. If it still has you, then you don't understand what it's like being a leader. Stasi, please don't take Umbridge when I tell you that Shina shall be writing a column once every fortnight about makeup, it'll be 200 words long, it'll be a very important journalistic piece. Stasi, what's happening down there? I wish they could just hire her instead of rosia. Oh, that's, okay, so now here's something, Ken said something that was fairly insulting. Did you cash this when she said, Ken's awful, yeah, he's like, Randy went inside? No, no, no, he goes, well, Lisa, Lisa dresses me and I dress, I dress jiggy and jiggy dresses rosia. That was so insulting. Well, yeah, but I thought it was even more, I thought it was pretty funny when Brandy came in drunk and Shina's there showing up her ring saying, I'm going to be married. Brandy's like, how cute and she's like, Oh, thanks, even though I know you're not happy for me. Yeah, and kind of like, you're lucky she doesn't punch you in the face for sleeping with her husband. And she's like, well, she can try, but I've got a pretty big ring. And then Brandy is like, you know, the whole thing is that I've realized that I just don't believe in marriage. It's just bullshit. But anyway, congratulations. And you helped me realize that, okay, how fun I'm leaving on that now. But yeah, Lisa is pushing it with her being like, you should go talk to Shina about her wedding. Like what? Yeah, I would treat you that stupid. Why? It looks like next week, it'll be interesting, it's the beginning of the end for Brandy and Lisa. We can see that happening. Yeah. And I hope that means that Brandy is gone. I hope that Lisa pulls a knee and you just gets her ass fired. No, she won't. She won't. Brandy will. Brandy will still be there. She's awful. I know. She's not even awful in a fun, campy way. She's just gross and awful. She's. No, I agree. I think I think her expiration date has been met. She was good the first two seasons. And now she is milk that has turned into kefir. She is curdle, curdle three. So we have actually other bravo shows to talk about this week because all our black ladies took a week off. Real Housewives of Atlanta and blood, sweat and heels were like, busy watching football, not doing this. Although the ads of Micah losing her shit drunkenly is amazing and I cannot wait until next time. I know. Bravo is kind of like, well, it's black history month. So we'll let black people have one weekend where they can actually appreciate their accomplishments not be dragged down by, by our representations of black people. So that's what they brought. Bravo's being nice. Actually, the Super Bowl. But yeah. So actually speaking of ethnic things on Bravo, we can talk about Shah as a sunset last week's episode, which was part one of their Turkey trip. Oh, God, this is going to be more. There's going to be more of this. Those people are so fucking stupid. I cannot even believe those people can know how to breathe. Okay. Those people are going, they're in Turkey and they're like, well, it's not Iran, but it's close. Really? That's so you're going to celebrate that as your homeland? No. I think I can appreciate that. I think that there's something to be said if you're Muslim and you live in America to be in an all Muslim country with like, you know, nothing but like we are not the minority. That's a very powerful thing, even for idiots. Those people, oh my God, if there were tea, if there were TV watchers in those crowds, they would have all been fucking stoned to that. Oh, yeah. All of them. 100%. Listen, I will say this, though. I actually thought it was a fascinating episode. I thought it was interesting. They're all confused that Mike, the Jewish guy feels uncomfortable going into a mosque. They don't get it. Really? Come on. Although that being said, I mean, you know, it's if they were going into just some mosque, then I can understand Mike. I think when you're talking about like the blue mosque, then that's like a huge like super famous building, you know, I think the whole experience is the, I think his point was it's the whole experience. It kind of ended up freaking him out. I mean, he's in a land that wants him dead. And I recognize that too. And I would not have like tried to push him to go into the mosque. I think, you know, I respect the fact that, you know, it was, it, it summoned up some really dark feelings, you know, you know, but, but I did find it interesting. And they, how they reacted to being in the mosque and what they discovered in the mosque. But most of all, I actually thought the Austin family reunion was very moving. I mean, as ridiculous as the show is, the fact is, you know, watching her mom, the anticipation with her mom when they're walking through the street, like she hasn't seen her family in 20 years. I mean, that's a really crazy thing. And that kind of like goes, it's sort of, it's like you sort of step outside of reality TV for a moment there. And it's crazy that she did not see her family for so long. And then she was finally getting to see them. It was, it was really beautiful. I thought it was actually a very moving moment. Yeah. That actually was really sweet. But again, it's the mom who's like the sweetest thing ever and all the old people. Like they were really, really sweet. And I actually did a little, I think I'll get a little, well, it's, Austin is really not horrible. Like she's not a mean person. Yeah. I mean, she at least appreciate it. Yeah, I got a little slightly choked up. That was sweet. And I'm sorry. I don't know. The rest of them, no. I really like seeing Turkey, but this just made me feel like, you know, it's only one generation away, you know, I have to wonder if the parents look at what they came from and look what they went through and then look at these fools and wonder why the, what the fuck the point was. I mean, come on. You've got. Everything he said this week, I was trying to think of his name. Reza, you know, oh my God, this is all about me, oh, if they knew I was gay, they would stone me. I mean, think about how that feels, but he doesn't understand how the Jewish guy feels. You know, if anybody had bravo, they would stone you like your gayness is the least offensive of your personality. Yeah. And then he says, like, if anyone saw new that I was gay, I'm like, Reza, it's, it's all over you. I don't act like you're being convincing as a straight man right now. Like you've got a dick in your mouth, you know, that guy. That's so Persian to think that you're like coming off as really straight, but you're coming off as super gay. Like my homegirl MJ always tells me everything he said this week was cue card. Well, when I looked at MJ looking at the church, and then I thought looked across the street and then it was like, oh my God, can you, can you even not mean you just can't even come up with anything else to say anymore? Of course, I'm the one to try. Well, tonight he's going to be, they're going to be going, I think to the border and that's when he's going to flop down on the ground and he's going to be like, I am free. I'm actually really looking forward to this episode. I think it's interesting. I think it's very fascinating. Turkey's really beautiful, those people all set. And I was really hoping that they were going to at least have to cover their fucking faces. I mean, what's the point of going to the Middle East if I stop looking at MJ? Put that bitch under a black blanket with some little eye holes like she needs to be. And I love that Austin's like shocked that she has to stand on the back of the church. God, you guys, come on. Yeah, I mean, this is your religion, right? You are aware like it's like I wouldn't walk into like an Orthodox synagogue and then be shocked that women have to go upstairs, you know? Yeah. It's like, I wouldn't be shocked. It's like me being shocked, like going to church with my meanwhile and having to drink grape juice from the same cup is like 50 other people. It is kind of crazy though. I mean, like, so as I just mentioned, in like very like Orthodox or Hasidic sex of Judaism, the women and the men are segregated in the synagogue. The men are downstairs by the Torah and the women are upstairs and it's like very backwards. You know, it's very, very old-fashioned, but I have to say that in this mosque though, it was like, it was like even worse, it was like, yeah, you, uh, women, you go over that little corner over there and just like, wow, that's, uh, that's really rough. Yeah, that is, that is pretty bad. And then you've got MJ with her gigantic, you know, like gigantic boobs and her horse face who's like, well, you know, I'm really I'm a Muslim and it's like when you, I'm so embarrassed, I'm shameful to Sam or Muslim. It's like, honey, give me a break. Like, how religious are you? Like, your boobs are in your face. In your country, you would not be able to even do half the shit you do by 10 AM. Yeah. Right. I don't want to hear it. Yeah. Absolutely. I have no pity for those people. They'll make me crazy. Yeah. So it was cool. Saint Turkey and old people made me cry. So there you go. Yeah. Because that GG and MJ finally buried the hatchet for good or at least for at least an episode or two. So yeah, I don't care if I was stupid anyway. It was a really stupid fight. Okay. So now let's talk about top. Yeah. Wait, first of all, did you watch that new show about southern people? Did it premiere already? It was on late night, I think on Super Bowl night, I guess they previewed it. They probably previewed it. I don't think I didn't, I didn't, I did not watch it yet. No, I didn't either. Darn, I was hoping you could tell me if I should watch it or I shouldn't watch it. Well, just wait for it to premiere properly. Okay. So top chef, so I am not happy, not happy because my favorite chef surely was eliminated and then asshole Nicholas. I found my voice. I found my voice. Oh, hello. Look, I found my voice. You hear me? I found it. I found it. My voice like watermelon. Oh, I like right. It's like congratulations. You found your voice. You're still making the same fucking food you were making before you found your voice. I thought I'm Shirley. No, no, no, no. Shirley can do no wrong. I love Shirley. I love the food that she's been making all along. I hate that guy Nicholas. I've hated him all season long. I started to like him a little bit during the height of the Nicholas Carlos situation, but I really hate him. And you know what I hate about him also? He's the one who says that asshole thing. Every single season, someone says like, oh, you know, Carlos, like, all he does is cook Mexican food, you know, like, like, there he is again, making Mexican food. It's like, dude, you know, he's Mexican. This is like what he specializes in, like, why should he have to make something beyond that? Why should surely have to make something that's beyond like her skill set? Like you do what you were comfortable with, you know, Nina makes Italian, like everyone does their own thing. Like, why should you always do terrible? You always do five versions of the same vegetable. So how's that? It's always like doing boring white people food. Yeah. Like a study in carrot, you know, like, here's a carrot roasted. Here's a boiled. Here's a pureed, you know, like, you know, like, oh, you would, you know, how to boil and puree. Ooh. What technique? I always, that Martin wants blood on blood blood is a guest judge on top show. Carrot five ways is fashion. I buy my car. It's a fresh and easy and then I eat them on my couch that I got from India. So I was going to say, no, I actually, not to be too, like, PC and awful like this, but every season when someone invariably says that about, like, the ethnic chef, I always feel like there's like an undertone of racism to it. Like, I hate to be the one that calls, like, racism or whatever. But like, it's always, it's always like the Asian guy who gets like blamed for making too much Asian food, you know, or like the Mexican or something like that. I'm just like, seriously shut the fuck up. Like everyone has their own patterns. Well, no, because it started, on top chef, I don't think it is because it started, at least the first one I can remember is Elon, when he kept making like, what was he, what kind of food did he make? It was like some kind of Latin food. Well, no, here's the thing. I don't mind. He learned to make that at his restaurant and that's the only thing that he was ever trained to make. So he made it every meal and Marcel kept making that spit foam crap and he would put foam on everything. Well, no, no, no. I think there's a difference between using the same, making the same sort of dish over and over again. You can stay, you can stay, make a million different Asian things, you know, I think it's fine. But I think that when Marcel always puts foam on it, or of course, more famously, when Jamie would always make a scallop, you know, like always a scallop dish, that's when it's like, okay, she's making a scallop dish or when that guy last season, I think he kept on making pork belly like over and over and over again, that's bullshit. But like when you like say like sort of disparagingly like, there's Carlos making Mexican food all over again. You shut the fuck up. Like that's what, that's what he does. That's like his style. Like he's making different things each time. Well, I hate that guy because he's whiny. He has rosacea, which means he's a fucking drunk. And so I don't feel bad for him. Sure. And I mean, come on, he has total drunk face, like that guy would be an extra and boardwalk empire. Like he's like a homeless drunk from the 30s, all right, faced and shit, give me a break. And he's also completely humorless. He's been humorless all season long and he talks down to people. He's so dro- Yeah, that guy is really gross. And he's also the guy who's like, I really want to win it. Like whenever he's in trouble, this is something on reality shows it makes me crazy. Whenever somebody makes a mistake, they start sobbing about cancer and then that's supposed to make it all better. Like they weren't crying about cancer before. In his case, it's his daughter, his kid or whatever. He's always, if he does something wrong, he's like, but my daughter, I'm doing this because I never get to see my family and then let's like shut up. No one made you like be a dad who's never home, like an absentee father. Like why don't I take this time to feel sorry for your child? Okay. I'll pity your child and study you. Yeah. Like what about Shirley? She doesn't get to see her husband and she and she needs a new air conditioner just, you know, like everyone has needs. Okay. Yeah. Stop crying. Stop crying. Everybody's got something. This is in Bravo, sorry, but I was catching up on all my episodes of Chef Wanted with Amber Rattle, which is like another cooking competition show. And these shows are just getting so ridiculous with everybody and their fucking problems. Like you can only get on TV if you have, if you have cancer, a parent with cancer, someone's got to have cancer or Alzheimer's or some shit and you have to cry a lot. And both the chefs at the end of this particular episode, they have to do this thing where they greet the staff and show them what food they're going to be serving that night. And both of them. And then everyone starts crying. And then the next night, the other chef comes in. He's like, I'm doing this for my daughter because I never get to see her. Oh my God. When did chefs become such fucking pussies used to be badass, you know, high school dropouts and drug addicts like grow up here and rob a car, you know, I agree. I agree. Completely. Meanwhile, last chance kitchen. We had the winner of that. That was Lewis. He made it back, but he then fucked up and was eliminated also this week. So there was that. I'm glad he didn't make it into the finale because I think that you should not be able to come back from last chance kitchen so late in the game. Well, I mean, if you beat that many people in a row, I mean, I'm really glad. I guess I stick up for it because I really liked Kristin from last year and was so glad that she came back and won. That was her name, right, Kristin? Yeah, she was really good. But like I still felt like it was bullshit. Okay, Matt? No, I. How dare you? How dare you? I'm clutching my pearls. Matt. No, I think it should be. I think you should come back like the episode right before the finale, you know, like then you fight for your chance to get into the finale, not like, not that like, oh, that's true. You know, like not getting the fun in Hawaii or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Plus, I also, you know, I don't like the idea of a double elimination in the finale. I just feel like it's too severe. The stakes are too high for it to be that severe, you know, but maybe I'm just bitter. I like it. You know, they always, I like it. They have a two part finale every season on this show and it wasn't the three part finale. Wasn't there? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. But this one, I like, I want there to be three people because it is really painful to watch that last episode sometimes. There is just nothing going on, you know, it's like, well, here I am, you know, peeling a shrimp. All right. Well, I'm going to peel some carrots. What are you doing? I'm boiling some lentils. No, what I can't wait for is like, I feel like every top chef finale, someone says, well, I'm going to try a technique, I'm going to try to sous vide this, which I've never done before, but, you know, I've confidence that it will work out and my sous chef seems to think it'll work out well. So even though I've never done this, I'm going to try it and then that person always loses. I hate that every single time. Remember when Carla, remember when Casey encouraged Carla to sous vide something and then Carla? She was awful. Casey was the worst. And she was like, I didn't do that. It's not my fault. I'm not sure. She's like, I'm the hot one. Casey is also the one, isn't she the one who served everybody chicken feet that she like left the oven too long? No, no, like not long. They're like chewy. And I don't know. Like they didn't, they didn't get tender. Yeah. And she one time said, I don't know, one time she said like, well, I feel like I have a guilt blanket thrown on me or something like that. I was like, what a strange term of phrase. I think she's one of those reality show contestants who was like, well, you know, everyone assumes because I'm pretty that I can't cook. It's like, oh, God, no one assumed you were pretty. Yeah. She said something like that. There was one time where she said like, I guess like I'm the quote unquote hot one here, say think whatever. And I'm like, wait, what's, no, like it literally had never even crossed my mind. That's like waiting in line for a ride at Disney World or Epcot Center and being like, I'm the hot one here. Of course you are. Everyone else is on a fucking scooter, like, I think there's all your standards. There's only, I think, ever been one hot female chef on top chef, and it was this season that girl Janine, the Australian blonde one. Oh, she, she wasn't hot. What are you talking about? She was hot. She was, she was working much makeup. She was part of like the hot people purged and being in the season, you know, I wanted to be friends with her. So I could be like, you need less foundation. You look ridiculous. You don't need bread lipstick. I don't think so. She looked weird. I thought she was hot. Um, so what else happened on top chef? I'm just really sad that it's surely finally, and then had to leave, it's really sad. And Tom showed up with a really douchey. What is that hair thing you have? Oh, yeah. The sole patch. She had like a little sole patch. Really? Which really, that makes me think that all the rumors about him boning Pat Maratru, and he gets a trip with Padma and gets his little vagina tickler grown out. Yeah. So speaking of hot, they should have the previews for this week, and Padma's walking around in Bikini, and it's like, wow, if anything can come close to converting me, it's gonna be Padma. Yeah. Padma is really beautiful. And I especially love the way that she judges, you know, like the way she announces things. I know I love it because it sounds like she's just poorly reading everything. I'm just like, we're gonna need everyone in the room. Nicholas, we were really disappointed with your rice this week. Nicholas, what have you been for us today? What have you been for us today, Nicholas? Nicholas, I really love the balance of the man. He's like, shut up. Shirley, please pack your knives and go. Padma, bye! I thought I found my boss. I wonder if Emeril's gonna hire her. Oh, Emeril's another one that just cracks me up on this show because I don't think Emeril knows where he is half the time. He's like, he's so relaxed and like, whatever, like, what do you do? That wasn't really interesting. It was like a Reza. Reza from New Orleans, I think, you know, these guys, they thrive real hard and they come out with things. And you know, this shrimp, you know, this got some rice on it and it's got some spice. I taste some cilantro in there. I like it. And then Tom will be like, no, I didn't like it. He'll be it. Yeah, I know what you mean. I tell you either. I like what Tom gets like really persnickety about something, like remember the episode once like many years, many seasons ago where someone made Coco Van and they use like a chicken instead of like an old hen and he's like, but it wasn't a hen. It wasn't a hen. No, that's the point. It's not a wasn't a hen. It's got to be a hen. It's got to be a hen. It wasn't a hen. It wasn't a hen. It's like Tom. Relax. I like when that really bitter Alia chick went off on Tom and accused him of using like processed foods at craft. Oh, yeah, that was that was really good. And then he confronted her at the end. Yeah. Well, I wonder how Nick is doing. I mean, I wonder if people are like, if people have really turned against him and are going crazy against well, I think people were on his side during the Carlos situation, but then after Carlos, no, no people because Carlos, they made Carlos like an asshole. But then as then as people start to remember that, no, Nick as the asshole, all those little poles on TV were against Nick because he basically ever since he served up that dish that caused his team to lose, but he had immunity. And so someone else had to go home. And that was like his third time in a row being in the bottom and skating through people and be like, you know what? We hate this guy. And he's always like in the bottom and skating by he's like Mike Isabella. Remember how Mike Isabella got really gross, like all stars, she was like, and he made it really far. And then in the finale, he suddenly like upped his A game and you're like, no, don't let Mike Isabella win this. Please don't. Yeah. There was another winner actually who was like that. He ended up winning and it was he was a chubby guy with glasses. I think it was Hispanic. Oh, Kevin. Yeah. Kevin, he like sucked. And then he wound up winning. He was terrible. And then he wound up winning the whole thing. I was like, oh, no, that was that was a situation where like, yeah, he just like sucked, he was sort of like very average. He's always middle of the pack. And then he somehow won that last challenge and but then I think there was a lot of pressure on the show because they were like, there hasn't been a black winner of Top Chef yet. And I think that, I mean, I don't want to be like that. How have you watched the taste? No. Okay. Well, whenever there's a cooking show, whenever I'm watching Top Chef, I get fucking obsessed. I'm always cooking things. I'm always in the kitchen and I'm always watching cooking shows. So I'll watch whatever is on. And right now the taste is on and I can't get enough of that. So I'm also watching the taste UK, which is the same judges, but you know, not here. But it's just so funny to me how different the contestants are. Like here, everybody's, you know, they got their cancer stories and like dying children's stories. And there they're just like these like low energy, normal people like, well, you know, I'd really like to win this contest, but if I don't understand, it was really uncooked and I don't blame them as they just tell me to go home right now. I mean, it was bland. It was terrible. You know, and they're all like kind of fat and dumpy and pasty. I love it. And then even the judges have to act differently on the American show, you know, on the American show, they're always screaming and yelling and having a fit. And on the British show, it's like classical music is playing. They're like, let's talk about this deeply. I think that sounds great. It sounds like Antique's Roadshow. It's really, really good actually. And you can watch it online, so just look, just look, watch the taste UK online and you'll be able to find it. It's really good. It's not a Bravo, but it's a cooking show. So whatever. Shut up. I want Nigella to judge Top Chef, I guess. I know. She's great. All right. So I think, I think we're out of Top Chef things. I think there's nothing left. I think we're done with the podcast, actually. Okay. I think, I think it's over by you guys, we're quitting the next pod next. We're starting a podcast about malls. That's it. We're giving up on Bravo. Yeah. So thanks everyone for listening. I'm Ben Mandelker. You can find me at the aside blog on Twitter and Instagram and Vine. And Ronnie, it writes really funny recaps of Real House House of Beverly Hills. And that's at trashtalktv.com. And you can find them on Twitter at trashtweettv. And please, please like us on the old Facebook, watch what Crapins, facebook.com/washwhackrapins. Super fun. Lots of good stuff on there. Yeah. Thank you guys. And don't forget to get your GoDaddy domain name for $3, with the password Crapins. Do I? I think it expires this week, I think so. Yeah. Hurry, do it this week. Hurry. Run, hurry. You don't do it now. It's going to cost you like $9 or $10. Yeah. Run, run, people. Run, run. Do it. Make your site. Okay, everybody. Love you. Mean it. See you next time. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it. Run the internet. The folks behind the side show network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforacomedy, there's no need to wait for it anymore, because it's here and it's funny and I love you. To the insurance company that's spurned me, our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting Geico. 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