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That's audible.com/crapids or text crapids to 500-500. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crapids, a podcast about all the crap we'd love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronny Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. You can find me on Twitter @TrashtweetTV or on YouTube @TrashTalkTV spelled T-E-E-V-E-E or my recap website, which is TrashTalkTV.com. I'm joined by Ben Mandelger. Hello, Ben. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Ben, you can find Ben on all the social media networks at BesideBlog or at hisblog, BesideBlog.com where he writes funny recaps as well. You can also find Watch What, pardon me, winter cold, fall cold. You can find us on Facebook @facebook.com/watchwhatcrapids or @whatcrapids on Twitter to tweet us your questions and to just talk crap with us about Bravo. It's a pretty active Facebook page, so a lot of people come there to leave us notes on the show and to talk a bunch of crap, which is pretty much what we do on this show. Yay! With this intro ever, we're late this week because I got a cold and you know what y'all? I believed that prayer could heal anything and it did not. I still got a cold, so fuck praying. This Thanksgiving, I won't be praying, so they're God. Yeah, yeah, way to show who's who in the prayer situation. That's right, I'm showing God. Now before you get all religious, it'd be one thing to be talking about God with a different holiday, but we got Thanksgiving coming up in just eight hours from when we're recording this, so we thought for this week we'd do something a little special. We thought we'd list the things that we're thankful for on Bravo. Yeah, it's a Thanksgiving special, first of all, we're so thankful for you listening to this right now because honestly, without you, it's just us talking to each other and we could do that anywhere. Yeah, and we do, and we do, and we do, yeah, but it's not as fun as when you guys are here. Yeah, yeah, we love all you guys. We remember you dearly departed Matt. Yeah, Matt, I think based on social media, Matt seems like he's on his way to Palm Springs right now for his Thanksgiving. Oh, and my stalker, I like it. Yeah, for those of you who are new to the show, Matt is our ex-co-host who we still miss. He left us. He jilted us at the altar. Yeah, he got skinny and was like, "Bye." He's like, "I can hang out with hot people now." Yeah, you guys are too ugly, so he left us. Yeah, he's gone. Even though Ben's hot, half of us were still busted, so he left. No, Ronnie, you're hot too. You're hot, Ronnie. You're hot. You're a certain segment of society, that's for sure. And you know what, guys, you don't need everyone. You just need one, right? And I'm thankful for that. That's one thing I'm very thankful for. Oh, no, I can't wait until I find my one. You can't wait until I find that guy. He's like, "I have been looking for a big, bald, loud, obnoxious, mean guy to settle down with." You never know. You never know, Ronnie. There could be a Thanksgiving miracle. I would meet him on fucking Thanksgiving. If I still went to the shelters and donated my time, that's the only place you find hot guys needy enough to date me. Oh, right. And it's because I smell like turkey. Just kidding, guys. Well, you know, there's some more for everyone out there. Peter, he finds all sorts of girls in the gutter, and he dates them, and I don't think they are very good women, but that's what Peter needs to do to have to get over Frankie. Yeah, to get over Frankie, you know? Well, you know, Peter's got to date somebody, so, you know, he did it this girl who's homeless and has flies on her, but then I found out she wasn't homeless. She was just renting. You know, I think that's almost worse. It's like, at least the homeless people have an excuse. And at least, like, the homeless girls, you could, like, punch them and put the video on the internet. Like, if you're just a renter, you can't do that. No, if the police will get you, if you do that to a renter. Oh, well, you know, like, but that's, you know, that's just how he's expressing himself. That's just what he does. I would like to say, I am thankful that the season of Real Housewives of Miami is over. That's the first thing I'm thankful for. Oh, and by the way, for people who were listening for the first time, that was us doing our Alexia Echevera impersonation. We don't just, like, spot-hanging your sweet, adopt accents for no reason. Yeah, we're probably, I'm pretty sure, from now on, if you're new, we're not going to explain anything to you. You just have to go back and listen to me. Oh, wait. I do want to address one thing, actually. We got, we had a comment this week on our Facebook page, Facebook.com/WatchRacrapins, a very, very, very respectful comment wasn't someone being, like, being, like, you should stop doing this. But someone said that maybe we should rethink the value of our Real Housewives of Atlantis impersonations, which I thought, I love the way they put that. By the way, I forget your name. I love the way you stated that. It was, like, very, like, well-put, like, in each other. Yeah, it was. So it was a very nice thing to put it. And they said, it sounds like a little, like, mammy-ish and makes them feel uncomfortable. I want to say to everyone, we don't do the voices on Atlanta to try to be racist and be like, this is the way black people talk, we're just trying to impersonate these specific women. And unfortunately, we're not always good at it. So sometimes it might sound mammy-ish, but we're not trying to be mammy-ish. And we feel like, I feel like there actually is a big difference there. We're not trying to be like, well, I think that last week specifically, I mean, last week specifically, I really did go overboard with the mammy-isms because I got mixed up because I was doing an impression, we were talking about mama-joys, but I was doing an impression of Porsche, and they're both really high-pitched kind of mammy-sounding voices, and I mixed them together. So it was like a mammy-bomb that was like the biggest risk. And, you know, I remember thinking that while I was doing it, I was like, you know, that's probably a bit much because it was out of control. But then again, I watched Housewives after we got that comment, and I was like, yeah, unless they stopped talking like that, then I can't. I mean... Yeah, because we sort of crossed across the board, we try to impersonate all these women. So whether they're like, they've got like, that's Alexia with her Latina accent, or they'd be like a Jewish accent from New York, or an Italian accent from New Jersey, or just, you know, just a white accent from Orange County. Like, this is- Oh my god, now you're apologizing too much and just sounding like, just white. No. Like, now I'm just turning into a white guilt podcast. I have to. I have to. Like, if you think we're racist, just go on Ben's Facebook page and see all his black friends, and then that's like our new excuse for not being racist. We're equal opportunity offenders, for sure. Oh, well, you know, like, we like all the racists here, you know? Like, whatever race, whatever race Peter likes that week is the race that we like the most because- Oh, yeah. Well, the greater race. Well, you know, it's very important that you keep equal. If you have two sons and one can barely talk and the other is a model, it's very important that you make fun of them equally. So one doesn't feel bad. Yes, yes. So, if the Iranians are going to get it, so are the black people. But also, you know what? Most of it is Portia's fault. Supreme Portia. Because- Yes. Oh my god. She really needs to learn to talk differently. She sounds like- I feel like anybody who hates Portia has serious pedophile tendencies because she's like, she's a walking- She's a gigantic, asked child. She basically sounds like the black Ellen Green from Little Shop and Park. Yes. She's Audrey too. Yes. She's black Audrey too. And she even the excuses that she makes up for her man sounds like Audrey who was abused in that musical- That's true. You know how she's like- I fell. She. Oh my god. The parallels are overwhelming me. She's the Audrey to wait, can we cast the entire movie? Okay. Who is the plant? The plant would be- I would say the plant is- Andy Cohen. Oh. Oh, it doesn't just have to be real house-wise of Atlanta. Well, I feel like it should be real houses of Atlanta, but at the same time it is like they are feeding this plant and the plant is giving them fame and fortune, but at a toll. Yes. So I think that that would be Andy, but Andy's so passive. Yeah. Like he's such a pussy and the plant's such a badass. I would say the millionaire matchmaker is the plant. Well, I'm going back to your original statement. I think that it could be Kenya more because if there's anyone who sort of resembles a giant man eating plant from a different planet, it's Kenya more. Yeah, she eats everybody in her path and then spreads them out. She does. And then she throws little versions of herself on her arms. And Mr. Mushnik is Jill Zarin. Wait, is Andy Seymour? That actually seems to make sense. Andy Cohen, you know, for a show that talks about Bravo, I just, wait, were we saying no? Was it a different Andy? No, I got an, I got in such a moment of inspiration that I had to stop you in your tracks. I do it. Cause I was just going to go on an anti-Andy brand. No, Andy Cohen is the guy in the movie who steps into the shop is like, what an interesting and fascinating plant in your window. I have to learn more about it. That's Andy. And they're like, no, could you be more awkward and try it again? He's like, okay, but isn't that just too fake and phony? And they're like, perfect. Although actually, technically, Andy Cohen will also be John Candy with his radio show, be like with slide whistles and be like, what a crazy plant. I think Andy would be that one of the background girl, one of the backup girls. And she's like the one that's always like low, you know, you never hear her sing. She's the one who was never on Martin. The other two were the one who never got the cast. Okay, we've already gone off the rails and we're just basically just in summary, if you took every single character in Little Shop of Horrors and rolled them into one person, it would be Andy Cohen. Oh my God, Andy Cohen. And a little bit of Porsche. I just wish we were still doing a video podcast. So I could do an imitation of Andy Cohen every week because I don't do his voice. I just do the awkward way that he like can't control any of his joints. So every time they show him, he's just kind of like a wind sock, just like different parts of him or he's like that guy on the jiffy lube that blow up doll they have on top of jiffy lube. He's like, he's got like rag doll physics going on for sure. So we've made a list of things that we're thankful for on Bravo and why don't you start? So we did 10 things that we are thankful for. I'd like to say that they're in some sort of order, but I kind of did them last minute. But I'll start with my number 10. And I also I wrote these last night and I don't even really remember what I wrote. So this is going to be a surprise to me and to you. Okay. So number 10. I'm thankful for Reza for making sure that the country still hates gays and since gays are naturally self-loathing, we really like that. Reza, let me tell you something. Reza is doing terrible things for gays. You didn't see the latest episode, but just the way he's treating Lily and MJ going back and forth and putting them against each other horrific and then this past week's episode, he told MJ, "Hey, we're going to a homegirl, we're going to a spa, spa weekend. This could be like, you know, like massages and oil treatments and you can like wear your bathing suit." No. Instead, he drove her all the way to Sacramento and they crashed Gigi's family's weekend getaway, which is so obnoxious, I think. He makes gays look terrible. That's not the way your best gay friend should treat you. That guy makes humanity look terrible. He's horrible. And when they showed that big party last week where Mike was like going to the, his brother became a dentist or something and then he's like, "How does it feel being the only non-successful person in your family? I have to say it." I was like, "You're such an asshole. You were just like a total, total asshole." He is the worst and he's just like this big fat, sweaty, gross guy walking around just being evil. Oh, he's got it. They need to be done with him. And I don't like that he's like the center of this group and makes all the decisions. Who made him boss? I know. Well, the other thing that's really annoying me, it happened last week and this week too, is that this group of, of persons here who we're all discovering are actually all terrible people. The recipe say like, "Well listen home girl, you gotta have a thick skin if you're gonna hang with us. Like, I'm sorry. Our group has to have a thick skin." I'm like, "No, that's terrible. You should not ever have to have like a crazy thick skin, like that thick of a skin." No kidding and that's not your skin, that's fat. That's just mustache. I have engaged weight, it's just that I need thick skin for this group. That's what, that's what we call weight watchers and excuse. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, Ronnie, it really is a shame you didn't see last night's episode because Asa revealed one of the greatest bravo, confessional outfits of all time, which is that she wore some sort of like gold thing in front of her face that made her look like the octopus kind of guy from Futurama. And like, I, no, let me, let me, let me be a white apologist once again and say I understand and respect that this is probably part of Persian culture, et cetera, but there's like a time and a place for everything. That would be like me showing up for a bravo confessional holding a Torah, you know, like it doesn't, you don't do that, like go meet a college. Yeah, it's like we get it. You're like, "Here's my Mercedes." And I'm like, "We get it. You're Jewish." Yeah. So let me add some things. Okay. You get it. Stop. No. When she showed up, I like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Persians of the world, but I laughed. Well, yeah, and there's so much, you know, there's so much snot on that gold. I mean, gold is not to be getting your snot on, which I'm looking at the picture right now on Watch It, Crap, and so it's just awesome, so it's just so full of shit. I just watched last week's yesterday. So I saw the part where she was in the water factory burning sage all over. Oh my goodness. And that secretary is like, "Hi, wow, look at your outfit." I know. She's about to become the first Iranian president of Hogwarts. What is she wearing? And all the workers, I like the workers are just seeing this crazy lady burning sage all over the place. You know, dropping ashes all over their sanitation devices. Yes. I know. Oh my goodness. So your thankful thing, I have a gay thing in here too. So I'll start with my gay thankful thing. I would like to thank Bravo because so many times in my life when I have introduced myself and, you know, I'll always make like some kind of gay reference really quick because I want people to know, I don't want it to become something like that I have to come out of the closet to them at any point in time and, you know, most people do know the second I speak because I have gay tongue, but you know, sometimes you have to be more forceful with people. Yeah. The reactions I used to get from people, a lot of times you could like really read like, oh, Jesus, it's a gay and, you know, you would think that Bravo would make that worse, but I've actually started getting this response from people since Bravo started putting these terrible gay people on TV and it's been, it's been at least a few years where they've been polluting the airways with the worst gays ever and we can name them the Fashion Queens, you guys know what we're talking about. Yeah. But now I'm getting reaction from people. They're so relieved that I'm not that gay. I think that like Bravo has like made it easier to be gay because they've segregated us into two camps. It used to just be gay. If you were gay, you just a show-toon faggot and that's it. Everyone just figures you're sucking a dick behind a dumpster just waiting to get home and watch Hello Dolly and I'm not saying that that doesn't exist. Or a little shop of horrors that doesn't work. But I'm not saying that doesn't exist, but at least now there's different categories of us. There's like the horrible gay and then there's like kind of a normal guy gay and so I would like to thank Bravo because it is really nice getting that refreshing reaction from people where it's like, oh, it's like they're not hating me because of who I am. They're loving me for who I'm not. Yeah. So thank you. I know. Thanks. I think that's a great point. I am very thankful for Bravo for making me seem so much cooler just by forcing the fashion queens on America. Oh my God. Suddenly I have taste. And I'm an old Navy shopper. Yeah. I know. I'm like wearing a free t-shirt and Target shorts right now. And people are like, oh, we would really trust your advice a lot more now. Yeah. It's like, Mel Carter never wore that to the Grammys. So you're fashionable. Yeah. And I still don't understand why Lawrence and Derek J are qualified in any way to get to be fashion experts when they're not, you know, this is, this is the secret. And I'll talk more about this with one of my other thankful things. But this is the secret thing that Bravo's been doing. And this is my new theory. And a lot of it is just from sitting around staring at Bravo for so many hours for this podcast. It really starts changing your mind about stuff. And one of the things I think I talked about last week was that I believe Bravo is a conspiracy network. Like there's a whole conspiracy going on there. There's anti gay and anti woman. Yeah. I mean, like it's this friendly network to us, but it's really evil and ruining us. So I'll talk more about that later, but I'm not buying it, Bravo. What a wonderful Thanksgiving special. This has been so far. Yeah. So basically the fashion queens, the point is the fashion queens are not qualified, but basically it gives straight people more ammunition. So like when they're in court for killing a gay guy or tying him to the back of the truck and dragging him through the town, they could just point to that show and the jury is more likely to put on them. Let me tell you something. I guarantee this is what happened in Russia. Vladimir Putin was probably on a layover in America. You know, he turned on TV. He saw the fashion queens and was like, uh, you know what, outlawed. No more. Yes. And you know what? Who can blame him? You know, Putin, he's got to head on us. Once again, we are, by the way, back to my thankful thing, which was that we are a self loathing group. Well, if you don't loathe yourself as much as you loathe the people you talked about, you're just a dick. If you hate yourself too, you're just kind of a hateful person, but at least we're not mean. Yeah. Okay. That was a stretch. Okay. So what's your number nine? My number nine thing isn't a fully realized thing that I'm thankful for because I only half wrote the sentence and I said, I'm thankful for Vaughn from the new Atlanta for reminding us. And then I just sort of said dot, dot, dot. And I was like, he might, I feel like he reminds us of a lot of things. Why people like him are awful. It's probably the same thing of what you were talking about. He makes other straight people look wonderful, wonderful, absolutely wonderful. He reminds us that that like we can be good people because because he's such a piece of shit, it reminds me like, no, I don't agree with that. I can be a good person. Yeah, he really is a piece of shit. And you know what? Also, I think he's helping people to really realize what's happened to the education system in this country. Yeah. I mean, that guy can't even put a sentence together. And if you know, if you're not going to pay attention to what your kids are doing in school, but you see the results of it on Bravo, maybe that'll get you to buy some like baby Einstein's for your next unclam pregnancy, you know, I just, I, you know what, I feel bad for Atlanta because these shows are making the city look like it's full of clowns across the board. That city is fucking full of clowns. It's like I don't even have extras who aren't clowns on the, on these shows. You know, I think it's like Atlanta has like tons of culture and like very smart people of all sorts of backgrounds, but these shows from real houses of Atlanta to the new Atlanta to married to medicine to, I imagine the thicker than water. And then also going to the style, the, the former style network to where you had that Atlanta show that I love blanking on its name, they all just make the city look like it's full of lunatics and idiots who are loud and brash and fight and all look like drag queens. So only things saving the city of Atlanta from mass suicide or designing women reruns. I'm like, I'm surprised that Turner hasn't just like hopped on a covered wagon and headed west at this point. He's like, what is happening to my city? Like, I have to be honest, I'm being totally, I'm not even trying to be funny. It's hard for me to conceive of the city as being like a real city anymore. Like, I really am like, it's just full of just ridiculous people now. It's like horrible people who don't know how to talk and make up really stupid names themselves. I know. And who have like fundraisers, like fashion show fundraisers for like their little boutiques. For their second hand denim, I was like, what is that kid? She's acting like she's designed this. Like you're a middle man store, shut up. For a boutique that has two Emily's at its helm. They won an MA2 and they hate each other. Yeah, and thank you also, Bravo, for making all the white people in Atlanta, Emily's. Yeah, I really don't know who comes up worse. The black people are the white people on all these Atlanta shows. You know, it's just across the board. It's just like a fail. Everyone's terrible on these shows because there's only been one white Atlanta housewife, but she was like the worst out of all of them. I mean, funny, but as a person, probably the worst out of all of them. I know, and the only like, by the the only like representation, like, upstanding representation of like a black woman on these shows of someone who seems smart, intelligent, educated is the the doctor is what's her face from marriage medicine. And she was like, you know, no one cared about it. Yeah, everyone was like, shut up, Mrs. Huxterball. Yeah, it's awful. It's awful. And like, you know, you basically it's giving you an impression that the city is just like Portia's and Phaedra's. And you know, it's not, but I makes me feel bad for everyone. As far as Atlanta, I would like to think Bravo. And look, this now is becoming less of a thank you. But back when I was actually waiting tables, I would like to thank Bravo for giving servers a voice and like poor people, blue collar people of voice, because we've got Vanderpump rules now where you actually hear waiters speaking. And we had below deck was a bunch, which was a bunch of. Oh, yeah, so, you know, thanks for being equal and letting pork, letting us realize that rich people aren't the only assholes in the world. Poor people are also pretty horrible to you. Yeah. And you know, I think this is a great leap in the right direction for Bravo. Considering this was a cable network. They used to show operas, almost nothing but operas. And now what do they do? They show S.D. Written waiters from sir, talking about their penises and, you know, abortions and things like that. Yeah. I think I think from a culture network to like killing culture forever. Yeah. Yeah, bravo for Bravo. Yeah, bravo. I would say so number eight on my list of things that I'm thankful for is I want to give a special thank you to Heather Dubrow. And I say this because at this time of year, everyone's thanking like the pilgrims and the Native Americans. And you know what? No one's thanking Heather Dubrow. And she raises a family. OK, she puts in long hours and someone's got a thank her. So Heather, this thanks is for you. Yeah, Heather, thanks for everything you do. Thanks for giving Gerbil's a voice. Thanks for giving people with Gerbil eyes a voice. And thanks for championing one of the greatest overlooks it comes of all time, Malibu country. And thank you for lighting a fire under Orange County's butt to finally get some decent restaurants. Yes. And thank you, by the way, for bringing attention to one of the most overlooked actresses of our time, Miss Sarah Roo. And thank you also for being the only person in the world who could make Betty White look like a total scene word when she didn't know you and ignored you on pot and Cleveland. And thank you for making your disdain for onions at a cookout, a five episode arc. And thank you for that guest spot you did on KFI radio this year about motherhood, where I got to listen to you go on a tirade about parents who refused to serve healthy options as birthday cake at birthday parties. You dumb and thank you for inspiring Disney to make a live action movie called Maleficence based on your face. But I'm sorry that you lost out to Angelina Jolie. I did hear that I heard that you were called in for a casting, but that the producers didn't actually call you. So I would like, you know, after years of struggling in Los Angeles to be a performer, I would like to thank you for making it look so easy to get a job on TV. You've totally changed my mindset. Thank you. Thank you, Heather. Thank you. Who knew man, who knew? I know. All right. What's your number? What's your next one? My next one is a big thank you to Andy Cohen, because, you know, a lot of times in this and, you know, listening to the show, self-loathing blah, blah, blah. You know, I get insecure about my looks or, you know, my fat or the way I talk, or maybe I don't sound smart enough for, you know, maybe my personality is just like too boring to ever make anything on myself. Andy, you've proved that you can make it despite all of those setbacks. One of your eyes doesn't open all the way. You're semi-crossed. You still wear a faux hawk. You are flop around like the Jiffy Lou balloon and you never have one relevant or snarky, funny, intelligent thing to ask anybody on your shows. And people love you. So it is actually filled me with so much hope between you and Heather de Bro. I'm going to be the next Oscar-winning talk show host. I'm not saying. You know, I went on a date last night and he told me that I reminded him of Andy Cohen. Oh, Jesus, you know, I love when people think that's a compliment. I saw a girl in a grocery store that I hadn't seen for like 10 years ago. And we started talking about these house-wise shows and she goes, I love Andy Cohen. Don't you think he's just brilliant? And I just, I just like stared down at her, you know, come quads or whatever. Whoa, mind your mouth. Did you just post something about come quads? I did. That's why they're on my mind. Trader Joe's is suddenly selling come quads like they're seasonal, I guess. And I had never had one. So I had to like look up on YouTube, do I peel it? Yeah. Like, what's the deal? And turns out you just eat them. You just put them in your mouth. Yeah, I went, I went down that path myself about a year ago when I made come quat preserves once. Yum. It's really easy. You just put a bunch of come quads into a, into a pan, a sauce pan with some sugar water and let it go. Well, I've got some marinating in some vodka right now. So that's what I like that. Let's just talk about come quads some more because it sounds so jerk. It really does. It almost sounds like cum cunts. But, and once you're, once you're in a store with one of your best friends and you start calling them come quads, it never goes away. Yeah. That is now what they're called and it's horrible to say. It's so horrible to say out loud, but now they're just come quads. Yes. OK, well, so thank you, Andy Cohen. Thank you. Thank you, Andy Cohen. And thank you to my date. By the way, I, I didn't mind him calling me Andy Cohen because my day was, he was hot. So I think he was just trying to get you to set, he could have said anything. I would have been like, thank you. I mean, now he'll listen to his podcast and be like, whoa, slowly backing away. Oh, no, never let anybody you date listen to this. I know my friends, like my close friends, they don't listen to my podcast. They don't read my recaps. They don't watch my videos. They actually think I'm a nice person. It's really funny. Like, I've made a comment to my friend the other day. I was like, well, I don't know if you should play in front of your mom because you're saying, oh, my mom loves Bravo. I'll play it for her. I was like, yeah, your mom likes me. You might not want to play me on a Bravo podcast. Yeah. Yeah. So every now and then on a date, like in the past, podcasts have come up and I will I get so excited. I'm like, oh, yeah, this podcast is doing really well. And I tell them what it is. And I'm like, shit, now they're going to listen to me and they're going to see the caddiest worst side of me possible. Yeah, it's like, it's like putting a video camera in your car and then having that videotape to somebody when you're just being the most vulgar, sexist, racist, misogynist, like horrible human being. And then you're like, you want to go out again? Like, no, no, I don't know. OK, so what is your next one? Well, I thought let's take a break now to look at what some people wrote on Facebook of what they're thankful for this year. So let's see. Abra plans, sorry, Abra Pian says, I am thankful that Gretchen Rossi isn't coming back to Orange County. Yes, I'm thankful for that too. Bethany Chisholm says, I'm kind of misgratchen. I'm not going to usually when they get booted off these shows, I'm so excited. Now, I will say that I am very thankful that Slade's not coming back. Yeah, Slade is her downfall. If it weren't for Slade, I'm sure she'd still be on there. Yeah, however, she has a lovely, you know, handbag line that she can fall back on, selling the three units per year. Let's see. Bethany Chisholm says, I am thankful for Mohamed Hadid because he makes every bravo show possible with his house and slightly. Ain't that the truth. They'd actually have to buy a set builder for with him for that guy. Absolutely, um, let's see. A lot of people are very nice. You guys said you're thankful for Watch for Craftins. We're thankful for you guys. Thanks everyone. Yeah. Um, Oh, Jamie Horn says, I'm thankful that I will get to see a sexy J next year that I haven't whiffed Joanna Krupa's smelly pussy. Oh my God. Um, let's do, let's find one more. I love Maximilian. I am thankful for reunions. Otherwise those Miami bitches would never stay on the air. Yeah, that's the truth. They saved themselves every reunion. It's got to stay up there. It's the ender Kelly Big Red. I'm thankful for Botox and its side effect of tierless cries. Wait, is that why nobody has tears when they cried? Is Botox stop you from having tears? It must be. It must be a tire duct or something that is hilarious. Um, all right. So let me go on to my number seven. The, the, the next thing that I'm thankful for, it's actually a bunch of things all in one bullet point. I am thankful for Keface, one by wives, Jax's sweater line, Sonia's toaster, Vicki's bloody piggy vodka, Gigi's extensions, Christine, Gretchen, Christine Butte, and all the other entrepreneurs for keeping the American dream alive. No kidding. And you know what? Let's hope that someone listens to this named Kim Richards and realizes that she's one of the only housewives without a line of something. She should come out with like a line of circus fabric. Hey, it's the Kim Richards circus fabric. Have your ceiling and dangle with your leg and then fall off. Hey, I've felt something. If you have a dog that loves you a little too much, it's made out of the same material as a yoga map, but it's real expensive and it's flame retardant. And you just walk around your house in it. Can't wait. Yeah, this should hurt, but he's not ripping off my arm again. Kingsley. Um, did you see Vanderpump rules last night? Yes. Two now. Ha, it's a nice to go. Sorry. How funny was it when the middle of nowhere, Jax, something mentions, well, you know, this is a really important model issue for me because I need if I, if I'm going to get my sweater line started, this is the place for it to be. I'm like a sweater line. And you know why? Because he wore a sweater last year that he took off to get into a fight. Yeah. So everybody kept asking him about taking off his sweater. And so now he thinks he should have a sweater line. Fucking stupid people. I just love how his thought process works. He's like, well, you know, people keep talking about my sweater. So I'll start a sweater line. I love that you gave him like a, like a Brooklyn accent. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm Jax. Um, I think he's actually, he sounds like he might be from Chicago, but I just can't imagine what his sweaters, you know what those sweaters are going to be like? It'll be like when Christopher Columbus came to North America and gave all the Native Americans blankets that had disease in them and it killed off populations. That's what the Jax sweater is going to be like. It'll just be like all my diseases, all knit up for you in a big chunky sweater. Oh my God. Let's hope so. Take out all the douche bags in LA. He's just going to use his dried semen and spin it into thred and weave a sweater out of it. Staff is going to be mad because his sweater is going to impregnate pouring stars all over the all over the city. Yeah. From 100% comes silk. Conquerets. Yeah. That guy is pretty disgusting, but Stacey is the worst. That shows the worst. Kristen needs to be fired. I love the new girl who's like, well, she's just mad because I'm prettier than her. I'm hotter than her. I'm more popular than her. I better eyes than her. Um, my butt doesn't stick to the toilet when I sit down. People don't hold their breath when I walk by just so I can't like my spirit can't infect their body. Jesus, this girl awful. I love her. I love her. I have to say, I love Ariana. I think it's her name and she is by far the best because she seems sort of smart. She's first of all, the only one who's actually pretty of this gang. And, um, I love that she just has that thing where she just knows she's better than the rest. So she doesn't even seem to bother with them. You know, I love that one. Girls are like that. And I love that she can rip Stacey into and you know, she's going too soon. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, I think my favorite part of the entire episode was the final scene that took place in a restaurant when you had like the cabal of evil bitches, which were Stacey, who are space one, who are space two, and that new other girl named like Katarina or Karina or something like that. Oh, my God. Doesn't she look like the girl from that Whitney show? You remember when Whitney got her own spin off on Hill's? I didn't. I thought you were going to say like maybe from the new live action return to Oz movie that came out. No, Whitney got her own show members who moved to New York to work in fashion. Oh, I met like a throne and then see the evil girl on that. So it looks just like this. Olivia Palermo. Yes. Oh, yeah, girl looks just like this bit. She's like, do you need to break up with him? You remind me of one of those secure insecure girls, girl. Well, when all four of those women were sitting at that table, it was kind of like a hot potato of who's the worst. It was like someone that was holding the invisible ball that made them the worst person at a table and they kept on passing it around. He's like, I've done being like, Oh, she is the worst. No way. No, she is the worst because it all started where they were just like chit chatting about, I guess the guys and then Stasi was saying how she didn't want to be fake. And then of course, Horace basically, Oh, well, if you don't want to be fake, then why are you having cocktails with Sheena, which is the stupidest thing to ever complain about. Like the two of them are just sitting there at like a little table. And so for Horace, phase number one, to get all pissed about, it was one thing. And then Sassy, then when Sassy is like, well, I was doing it because I want to find out for you if Tom is cheating, I was doing it for you. And I was like, no, Sassy, you were doing it because you just wanted a gossip. You're the worst person now. And then this other girl, she just goes, listen, we need to have a serious discussion at which point I started to laugh because the idea of these girls having a serious discussion is so beyond, you know, it's like something that could never happen. It's like, they think they're on the McLaughlin group all of a sudden. This is not whatever's like the debt ceiling. No, like we have to discuss the debt ceiling. She's like, listen, if, if you dated a cheater and there was a rumor going around that he had slept with a girl, wouldn't she want to know the truth? I'm like, bitch, you started the rumor. Okay. Like you started the rumor and now you want to get like verification of something that you made up out of your own like brain. Like, do you see how the logic is so messed up? Yeah, it's so fucked up. And then stupid horse face number one is just the dumbest brick in the world. It's not about did her boyfriend cheat on her with this girl. She just doesn't want it to be on TV. That's what she's mad at. She's like, I'm mad that we're even taught that this is a topic of discussion. Actually, so at that point, Kristin, who I previously thought was the worst of the table, now I was sort of feeling sympathetic for her because she was saying, look, things are actually for the first time finally going the right direction. I don't want to like, you know, I don't want to taint it right now. I'm happy. And then, you know, the other girl is like, well, we have to talk about this. We have to talk about it. And then then Chris is like, I don't want to talk about it. And they're like, you don't want to talk about anything. Why don't you just go? Why don't you go to go? So Kristin's like, fine, I'm going to go. So Kristin walks out and when she walks out, the other girl goes, she's always walking away from things. I was like, Oh my God, my brain is exploding. This is what my Dartmouth education has led me to watching these stupid bitches. So stupid. And I love that the whole thing is about whether Tom fucked this girl. Well, first of all, his best friend says that he did. So he told, he told his best friend that he did, whether or not he did. But then at the same time, Jack's truly is a pathological liar. Yeah, but to that degree, why would he lie about that and then lie about it in a confessional? That's weird. It doesn't make sense. Like, nothing makes sense on this show. Oh, that's true. That's true. But all OK, then even without that, the second thing was that Tom, obviously wants to fuck this girl. Like, yeah, it's so obvious that they're going to do it at some point. And third of all, Tom just fucked some other girl like a couple of months ago. Get over it. He's going to fuck another girl again. It's just going to happen. His excuse was that you were being a bitch. And that's kind of your natural state of being. So like, if you're going to let him off on that excuse, then he's going to be, he's going to cheat on you whenever you're a bitch and you're kind of a bitch every day. So you see where the circle is leading? She just knows horseface number one. She just knows that then let's talk about article. I just moved into a new house and it is really hard to find quality furniture that honestly, I can afford without feeling terribly guilty. I found the most beautiful stuff on article. I got three barstools for this bar I built and they are gorgeous. They're mid-century modern brown leather seats. Just beautiful. And not only are they great, but they brought them over and they put them together. It was white glove service from beginning to that was my experience with them too. I mean, the truth is that article believes in delightful design for every home. And thanks to their online only model, they have some really delightful prices too. 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That she can't, she probably can't do any better than Tom in the looks department. You know, if she, if she dumps Tom, her next option is going to be like Ernie, the short order of cooking the back kitchen. True, true. But you know what, a horse can't just keep going back to an abusive stable man because he's holding sugar cubes. There's plenty of sugar cubes. All right. There are plenty of troughs on the farm. Hey, did I talk about immigration yet? Uh, no, is that the next thing you're thankful for? What was the first thing I was thankful for? Um, the first thing you were thankful for, um, I, I think maybe a gay thing. You mean, you switched your order up a little bit. Oh, I think I did. Oh, I did. So what's the next thing about the gays? That's that's yeah. So what's the next thing that you're thankful for? Okay. So I'll go back to my original thing. This is going back to Shaw's though, but I just had it written down. This is why you never write things down and messes up the flow. Yeah. Okay. So this is my tricky policy with Bravo. You know how they're trying to, um, they're trying to infect policy, like anti gay policy by showing gazes being horrible people. Well, I realize that with the Shaw's of sunset, that they're also like a super conservative network that is trying to get the Republicans to do something about immigration. Look, whether you are for against immigration, we need to understand that something got to be done. I don't mean it means kick everybody out. I mean, make immigration easier. I don't know. Do something, but you know what? People are going to take that seriously now because of the Shaw's of sunset. And you know who else you don't want. You don't want any Iranian, which is basically what these people, they say Persians, but I mean, they're Iranians. You don't want to give them nukes. You want to give GG a nuke. Listen, don't let Obama be soft on Iran. Okay. That's what Bravo is trying to tell us. And in this instance, I'd like to thank Bravo. Thank you, Bravo. You might have just saved us from World War three. Yeah, I feel like, what's his name? Like, I never know how to say his name, the guy from Iran. He probably probably swatched the Shaw's of sunset. He's like, damn, those persons are crazy. Yep. So, you know, thank you because I think that we're finally going to get something together and we're not going to let Iran get their nukes. And hopefully we'll do something about immigration too. So thanks a lot, Shaw's and Bravo's. Listen, if ever there are war breaks out, then just, you know, send some diamond water over there and people will all die as they drink shards of diamond in their water. They're like, ah, this is blood in my throat. I says diamond water. We thought it was for our country. Okay, now, as we are now advocating, we're on Iran. This podcast has truly gone off the rails. So whoever it was who complained about the man needs stuff before, congratulations, we have now totally gone over the edge. We've just taken us into nuclear war. Like, so if you guys really want to take out the Iranian population, this is what you do. You take us as diamond water, send it over, pretend it's relief aid. Okay, so anyway, I'll go on to the next thing that I'm thankful for, which is much more pleasant. The number six thing that I'm thankful for is Raleigh, just for being Raleigh. What are you going to do for Thanksgiving? That's hot. You can make a good turkey. My, some of my candy, my candy first nation. I'll tell you, when I watch the show, sometimes I will speak along and I'm like, oh, I got it. I can sound like candy. And then they get on here and they're like, oh, that makes me laugh every single time. Raleigh, Raleigh, it's Thanksgiving time. I want Raleigh to make a hand turkey. But momma's like, why are you making your daughter do a hand turkey? That's the best job. Last week, you really perfected that voice. I was dying. Just the way that you can get your voice deep in the gutter. And then it's like, oh, that looks good. Well, oh my god. And then the previews for next week on Atlanta are just amazing. Well, first of all, this week with Faedra and stupid Apollo fighting in that restaurant and Faedra keeping her calm and then getting in the car for kidding that she's wearing a mic. I love when that happens. Oh, I love that. And just losing it and being like, who that bitch? Whoa, Faedra. Oh, well, Baedra is about to kill a bitch. I love that. What? Well, Apollo did a terrible job of long. He's like, well, you know, I wasn't Los Angeles. And I was at the Beverly Bush Inn. I saw her at a party, then she went to my room. And I was like, no, I want to go back to the Hilton. I don't know. I don't know where he went. Yeah, I love that he's talking like he's on the People's Court presenting evidence. He's like, well, then she called me and then she texted me and she wanted me to fuck her. And then I said, no, I declined. I declined for liability. [LAUGHS] Oh, the show. In my five courses of little next steamers are coming through. Every is like, oh, here's your steamers. Oh, OK, fuck it. My wife will pick up this check. What else? Oh, the Mama Joyce thing looks brilliant. They finally sit Mama down to have dinner with Todd and Candy and explain herself. And she goes into some tirade. She's drunk or something. I don't know what the hell's wrong with her. But she's like, they know we're a deep enough, Candy. They know mountain high enough. They know they're all enough to keep me off your ass. [SCREAMING] I was like, whoa. I cannot wait till next year. [LAUGHS] Until next week. I cannot wait. I just hope that Radha does not to see that. See, but Radha, I'm just going to send her off to tags. That was just see Mama Joyce acting out. See, I don't want my daughter to see that. Yeah, Riley's just going to be like, while you're arguing, I'll be doing my one woman show on my stage in my bedroom. [LAUGHS] Call me if you need me. It's called scrubs. I kind of want some. [LAUGHTER] I'm kind of mad. I mean, I guess this is-- OK, OK, I can see. I can see how I can be thankful. Yeah, what's next in your thing? I would like to thank Bravo for teaching us all finally a very, very important lesson. And if you've never had a maid, you don't learn this lesson. You really need to be taught, otherwise you're going to get screwed over. Do not give your maid shit. Do not be giving your maids a ton of money, because they'll leave you. Why would they be a maid if they have a ton of money? Do not give your maid a fucking liposuction and a facelift, because bitch will leave and become an internet porn star, which is what happened to Hoxstein's. I don't know if she's an internet porn star. I'm kind of making that up. But I'm assuming that's what you do. Heading in that direction. Heading in that direction. Yeah, don't give your maids things. So thank you, Bravo, because a lot of people need to learn that lesson. Otherwise, maids may just lean off, leave, and we're all cleaning our own damn houses. So thank you. Thank you, Bravo. Yes, thank you. Thank you immensely. Thank you, Hoxstein. And also, at along those lines, I think we should also thank Bravo for teaching us that people who work for you are allowed to say anything back to you, whatever they want. If you ask them to do something, they don't even have to do it. They can, in fact, start a Twitter war with your friends, or they could just walk off the job, and it'll be OK. So I'm glad that Bravo taught us that too. Yeah, work ethic. Thanks, Bravo. Work ethic. Thanks, Bravo. OK. What's your next? The next thing that I'm happy for is for Khari from Mari to Medicine, for informing us about low-class matters in bulimia, which, as you may or may not know, is something that she's struggled with for many years of her life. Yes. Thank you so much for sharing so many things that you've struggled with for so many years in your life. Khari, that's your-- Oh, I have had a personal struggle with bulimia for many years in my life. And it wasn't until I met Duncan that I started to not throw up as much. So that show is going to be coming back, yes? Like, got a season two. I'm horrified. Yeah. I can't wait. I love marriage medicine. That shows the worst. Quad and Mariah, the things that would come out of their mouths. [SCREAMING] Absolute or not? Yes, yes. Thank you, Bravo, for absolutely not. I have had a personal struggle with absolute things for 20 years of my life. So I don't understand the difference between things that are absolutely not and absolutely. I've had a personal struggle with the word not for decades. Back in the '80s, when I was a young, Swedish anorexic model, people would say, you look fat, not. And it would confuse my brain, the use of the word not. So the fact that you're using the word not is disrespectful and low class. When people said I was modeled not, I thought it meant that I was like an astronaut and that I'd be going into space for a fashion show. But Duncan taught me that that was not the case. So now I have a space suit and I don't know what to do with it. But I plan to rent it out to Mariah. I plan to go to space not. Oh, you see what I did there? Damn, you '80s. But seriously, you guys in all seriousness, don't you miss not? I miss that. I'm really-- Don't worry. --like after one of pizza. I'm really hungry, not. I miss it. Don't worry. It lives on with my father. Your father still uses not? Oh, of course. I love not. I want to bring not back. That's my new goal. So everybody this week, try and use it in a sentence. Like, hey, Merry Christmas, not. Rani, I have to tell you, I do not like not. I love you. Not. I don't know why I'm so nostalgic. Oh, you did get me. I thought you were just saying it. No, I said the exact opposite. I totally understood you the first time not. [LAUGHS] You guys, I need not back in my life. OK, what's the next thing that you're thankful for? Is it my turn? Let me see. Maids? Let me-- how bitch-- Oh, I thought how much I feel because of the Bravo gays. But we've already talked about that. This I don't have a big tirade about. But I would like to say thank you, Bravo, for Vicky's chin. I think it needs to be said by somebody. Yes, thank you. Thank you, Bravo, for finally resurrecting that crazy moon guy that McDonald's used to have in the '80s and repurposing him in Vicky's face. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. That's really all I have to say about that. But I love that it helped her get one up on Slade for one second. And I'm thinking that Slade was probably fired from the show just so he couldn't say something that would force Vicky to get another surgery because that's face-- That Bravo would have to pay for a problem. Yeah, like tires only have so many times around a block before they just explode, right? Sometimes you just have to bust out the spare. Yeah, there is no turtle wax that is going to save that tire. Not even in the most-- not even in Cuba. Can I save that tire? Not even there. That tire ain't even going to keep anybody warm in a fire. OK, so the next thing that I'm thankful for is for Phaedra Parks because she is a gift that keeps on giving. And this week, the gift that she gave us was referring to Kenya Moore as an old beauty queen with scrambled eggs. That, to me, was just like, thank you. Christmas came early and I'm a Jew. I love Phaedra Parks. OK, speaking of Phaedra, somebody-- God damn sickness. I'm a strong person. I'm looking for this now. Somebody posted the most wonderful thing on our Facebook page this week about Phaedra. And it was an interview with some Breddy named-- I'm opening this night. Did you look at this, Michael-- I did this. It's this YouTube thing that Vibe got-- Vibe Magazine got an interview with Angela Stanton, who, if you'll recall, Nini made a comment when she was fighting with Phaedra in a reunion, something like, oh, well, let's just ask Angela Stanton then. Well, Angela Stanton came out and gives this interview. And it's hilarious watching her, first of all. She's a character in her own right. But she's going off about how she used to work for Phaedra with Apollo, that Apollo was one of Phaedra's employees, and that Phaedra runs this huge criminal ring. And she was the one stealing all the cars and taking him to the chop shop. And she had this big scam going. And there was some other scam, too. I forgot what it was, because I was kind of laughing so hard through the interview. And she and Apollo both went to jail for Phaedra. And Phaedra was supposed to take care of her family and represent her, and then squelched on her part of the deal. So now she's turning on Phaedra. But apparently, Phaedra's so good at covering her tracks and getting everybody else to do her dirty work that she's not being arrested. But she's this huge criminal mastermind, basically, which is amazing. And I hope it's true. Wow, I believe it. I believe every ounce of it. A criminal mastermind with a donkey booty video. Well, she's trying to hide her money. You got to-- you got to longer that shit, boy. Well, we all know where that money is. It's in dadass. Yeah. Phaedra Parks exposed as a career criminal must see. So that's what it's called, if you guys want to look it up on the old YouTube. So thank you, Phaedra, because-- I mean, come on. That's an entire series. And now I see why she couldn't get her judge show, because they were trying to give her a People's Court type show, a Judge Judy type thing. And it just never went through, because she's a fucking terrible lawyer. She's a lawyer so that she could scam everybody and have her big criminal enterprise. And I love it. Yes, this is like some high level conspiracy shit going on right now. Hell, yeah. Oh, and there's another article that was posted that was on TMZ that's all of the texts from Kenya Moore. And Kenya Moore says, "Apollo is a liar. Phaedra should threaten to cancel his allowance." Ooh. I like it. I like it. Yeah. What's the next thing that you're thankful for? I would like to say-- oh, I am thankful for-- I would like to thankful to say I'm thankful for-- sorry. I would like to say I'm thankful for Bravo giving us thin women on TV who were eating a lot. And for that, I say, thank you. Eat, drink, love. That show may not have been the best ever in Bravo's history. No. But it showed us skinny bitches eating like cows. And they ate. They actually ate every episode five times in that episode. So thank you. Yes, that's very refreshing. Compared to someone like Lily Golichy, who, actually on last night's episode, did eat a turkey sandwich. But I still feel like that was probably the first thing that she ate in about two weeks. [LAUGHTER] Lily Golichy, God, I can't with that girl. OK, what's the next thing that you're thankful for? I'm going to go back to the listeners. And let's see. Laura Rain says, "I am thankful for the WWC guys." Thanks. Ronnie and Ben, you two make my week 100 times more better because I look forward to your podcasts every week that keep me cracking up for the rest of the week. And it is great knowing the WWC family. All express the same thoughts I have during the Bravo shows. Keep doing what you guys are doing because you make all of our weeks better. Thanks, Lorraine. Oh, that's nice. I actually meant to read Melanie Hackenpors, but the Lorraine that was very lovely. Melanie says, "I'm sorry, Hacken Mipour. I'm thankful that the manzos will no longer be on Real House as of New Jersey. I am not thankful that they're getting their own show. I am thankful for every person that has a weird accent that you guys can mock terribly. I am thankful for Robbie. I'm thankful for Leah Black. How fun is that? I'm thankful for tomato drums, even if it's not Bravo. Oh, that's on my vine, everyone. And I'm thankful for Housewives with Twitter accounts so that they can keep their wars raging on and on and on. Oh, that's so nice. I like that one. Let's see. I like Suzanne Zoreski. I'm thankful for MJ's white bathing suit. Oh, my god. Yes, I am thankful for that one, too, very much. So this is from one of our longstanding listeners. This is from Jesus Robert Garza, who so eloquently says, "I am thankful for all the selfies Ben posts, all the last Ronnie causes, and all the boners Matt gives me." Whoa. Well, so Hazy is a better book of flights of Palm Springs because that's really good. Yeah, we'll give you the address. I'm so glad you're getting off with at least one of us. Let's see, who else? Catherine Mins, Gallery Girls, RIP. I'm not thankful for that, but I do share your thoughts. I think Gallery Girls got killed. Yeah, not happy about that. But that was this year, though, right? So maybe they're saying thank you for Gallery Girls. Maybe. Katie, Sernaig, Leah, Sernaig, I'm thankful for Gigi's dad. We're wearing socks and sandals. Yes, I'm thankful for that, too, very much so. Oh, and someone-- Oh, I'm a socks and crocs boy myself. Oh, yeah. By the way, someone I skrilled past, I don't know where it is anymore, but someone said, I'm thankful that Bravo hasn't-- I'm a neighborhood yet. [LAUGHTER] All right, so my next thing-- I'll be there. My next thing, the number three thing that I'm thankful for are koi fish, because now I know what to do with a heinous tattoo. I can make it more heinous with a koi fish. [LAUGHTER] That's what I learned from Jack's "I'm Ganderpump Rules" this season. Why, what did he do? He got Stacey and then turned it into a koi fish? No. He had a tribal tattoo, and then he covered it up by turning it into a koi fish. And he was going to have the koi fish swimming toward some sort of colorful flowers, and it was supposed to be symbolic of something. And then he also got Stacey on his arm, too. Oh, my God. OK, I would like to say I'm very thankful to Bravo for having zero sense of irony. Most things know how to make fun of themselves. They remember past like two weeks and can make like callback jokes, stuff like that. Bravo has no sense of irony. They have no sense of self. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. They have not one, but two of the housewives shows this week having ladies swinging around on ropes. I know. When Russell just killed himself two seasons ago, and then you have all the people from real housewives of Beverly Hills swinging around on ropes. That is just wrong. That is wrong, bravo, wrong. You know, and it's dangerous, too, because these women have spent millions of dollars carefully putting different parts to their bodies in different places. And to put them upside down and swing them around, thren's a jeopardized the entire franchise. Yes, totally. Exact-- I don't know, Bravo. Bravo's a disturbing fucking channel. OK, but what's your name? Paul Carlton, or all her stuff is going to come. She can lose Carlton. She's so stupid. It's amazing. I listened to a song called "I Kissed a Girl." Shut up, Mr. Burley. I know. By the way, I have a theory that Carlton has actually never dabbled in lesbianism. And I think that she just gets off talking as if she does, but she has no experience in it whatsoever. Oh, it's just how she gets the attention of rich dudes. That's like girls in college, you know? They can only get attention-- it's like the ugly girls can only get attention by making out with each other in bars. And then, she'll get some kind of bang on both in the alley, drunk, like, wow, great, great job. By the way, I only have two more things that I'm thankful for, but I'm going to put in a 2A right now, which is to say, I am so thankful that Carlton no longer practices black magic. I'm so thankful. She only practices the light magic now. I was so scared there for a minute, but knowing that she's back on the side of good, so much less stress in my life. I was like, oh my god, she's a witch. She's practicing the black magic. She's like, no, I don't know. Not anymore. Now that she has children, never again. Never. So I'm thankful for that. OK, well, that was my number two. What's your number two? Oh, was that actually your number two? Uh-huh. Oh, wow. Oh, sorry, I stole that from you. My number two is that-- No, no, no. I'm saying that my last thing was my number two. I think, or maybe-- I don't know. I think you're out of order. It's OK. No, I have two. I have two more. OK, so here's my true number two. I am thankful for breaking news. That way, I have an excuse to subscribe to the Alexia Echeveria breaking news report. Oh, well, you know, like, he's just in. Oh, well, no, oh, well, you know Peter. Oh, well, you know Peter. You know, oh, well, you know Peter. He has a lot of things to say about Thanksgiving. You know, like, he doesn't like Turkey very much. Like, really, like, seeing that Turkey get killed reminds him of his father and the way his father would kill people. But you know, so if that's what makes him happy, that's what makes him happy, and if it was a scare or something, that's what scares him. Oh, well, you know. Well, yeah, you know, Thanksgiving, you know, sometimes scares Peter because one time he was walking down the street and he gave somebody a dollar and they said, thank you. And then he gave them a punch in the face and then took a picture of it. And he got millions of views on the YouTube. So it's like he he got a thanks and he gave some giving. So he totally understands the holiday, you guys. And it's all because he's upset about his brother. Oh, well, you know, like he's, oh, well, you know, Peter, he's he's very sensitive and like he's an artist too. And so like when he was like punching the homeless man, he wanted to show like what thanks could be like for different cultures, you know. So that's all that I want. You know, he's an artist. So, you know, he's like that artist, Polk, who used to just drop things on things. And so, you know, he uses homeless people, blood drops. And the way they splatter on things is artistic, you know. And with the money he's raising from that, he's buying a bunch of CDs so he can copy his song, The N Word Bitch. And he can sell that to raise money for his brother to go to Carlson. Oh, well, you know, Peter, I mean, he's basically like Gallagher, you know, like we just have a smaller hammer. Like his hand is his hammer. It's just like Gallagher. And he said like... Oh, those people are like watermelons. Yeah, they're like watermelons and watermelons are like the most beautiful fruits. So like in a way, it's like a compliment to the homeless guy. And you know, that's just the way Peter is expressing himself as an artist. 'Cause so, well, you know, Miami heads are very juicy. (laughs) Oh, well, you know, like it's a Latin thing, you know, to think a homeless person is a watermelon. Oh, well, the other person doing the news was racist right now because they said it was a Latin thing and that was racist. And when you say a gang and you say Latin, that means racist. And so, you know, Peter, I told Peter, don't be like the other person doing the news because they're racist. And, well, and you know, like the breaking news network, the Alexia Achevera, or the breaking news network, we actually only have taxis. And so like sometimes Peter will kick a taxi 'cause he thinks he's like saying, hey, mom, 'cause he thinks that means that taxi, but like sometimes I'm not on the taxi. Like sometimes I'm not out of the taxi. And so Peter gets confused, you know, but that's who he is. (laughs) That's just who he is. I love that that's how every confessional ends with her. And that's just Peter, that's how he is. By the way, we have to give, actually, this is the first real true thank you I have to give out, which is that both on this podcast and on my other podcast, Banjo and Ben and Lisa, we're always trying to get people to sign up with GoDaddy.com. And finally, someone did it. And it was Laurie Wendell, she bought a domain. And this is the domain that she bought. She bought, oh well, you know, Peter.com. (laughs) - Actually, we've got a few. Emi bought Spider Butler for Matt. And she actually made a website. You could go to, I think it's called spiderbutler.com. And then someone also bought Shut Up Jill Zaren. - Oh, that's great. - Or Shut Up Mountain or something. So we need to make, I need to like spend some time and actually make a site for that because we had a contest where people could go by a site with our code name, which maybe you still can't try it if you need a site, it's Crapins, yeah. - GoDaddy with GoDaddy.com. - Yeah, the best name we would make a website for like a simple website. And I think that Shut Up Mountain deserves a website. I think that's really good. And we should, you know, we could send people there and they could send someone to Shut Up Mountain every week or whatever. - Yeah, and I think that if someone did wanted to buy the Alexa Egevera's, or I'm sorry, how do you even say your lesson? The Alexa Egevera, breakingnewsnetwork.com. I would be very happy. But I love, honestly though, I have to say, of all those, I just love, oh well, you know, Peter's up. That honestly, like Lori Wendell, when I read that, it's so me and my day. I thought that was like the funniest thing 'cause it's like my new favorite running joke of ours. Oh well, you know, Peter. I mean, people say it in the comments. Like some people would say it, they're like, oh well, you know, Peter. And they just do their comment, like their normal comment. And I like, honestly, I crack up every single time. - Oh, you know, Peter. - Oh, well, you know, Peter, like he likes to write comments by URLs. That's just funny. 'Cause he wants to bring back bum fights, you know? I don't know if you remember that website, but you don't want to get that. He's like an entrepreneur. He's like a Donald Trump. He's like a little Donald Trump. - If Donald Trump slept all day and got really fat in two months. - Yeah. - So let me see. I'm thankful for that minute-long moment on Real Housewives of Orange County this season where Tamara's tongue got stuck to a blacked eyes and she could not speak. That was probably the best moment of the entire season of Real Housewives of Orange County. I think we need to go like American horror story, Southern style, cut out that bitch's tongue, and she would be 50 times more interesting than she is now. - But you can cut out the tongue because then you have to also remember the great visual of her sticking her injured tongue into a little cup of hot tea. Like some weird lizard trying to like attack at flies. - I would just like to see Tamara learn to be that much of a bitch with no actual words. And I'll bet she could do it. I'll bet if the only thing she could move on her entire body with her elbows, she could still be the most defensive housewife ever created. - Oh, that's a good one. That's a really, really good one. All right, now my number one thing that I'm most thankful for. (drumming) Oh, well, you know, Peter, like we have the breaking news. Like this is the number one most thankful thing of all time. So this is the number one, this would be number two, but it moved up to number one because we feel so bad for Peter's brother. - So my number one thing that I'm most thankful for is Vanderpump Rules for reminding me that no matter how much I feel like I failed in my life, no matter how much I feel like I've done nothing, no matter how much I think things could never get worse, I know that they can get worse and it's in Vanderpump Rules. Like that there is a glimmer of hope for me. And I know that this is something that will resonate with a bunch of you because actually several of you said the same thing in our comment section. You all said, thank God for Vanderpump Rules for making me feel so much better about myself. - I mean, for real, those people are rock bottom and they really think they're on top of a hill. - Oh, it really, it's the dregs. - It's the dregs. - And they don't even know what dregs, like that's what Jack's gonna make his sweaters out of. Dregs, he's gonna reach down into a gutter, pull out something, dry it, put it on a wheel, spin it into thread and make, it'll be like a half blend. It'll be like half blend of like dried cum and dregs. - Yeah, it's come to us and dregs for sure. - Yeah, absolutely. - Okay, I cannot believe that this is my number one thing that I'm thankful for this year because it's extremely out of character for me and I never thought that I would wanna see this with this character, but I would actually like to say I'm thankful for Kim Richard's sobriety because it proves that you do not need alcohol to be a crazy drunk. She is still the craziest drunk on TV and she's not drinking. She's still, it's like once you really marinated your voice, it says like that for an hour. - And like your brain apparently gets so mushy that it can't quite bounce back. It's like when you've used a sponge too many times and it just stays like flat and brown. (laughing) Like no matter how much water you pour onto it. - Yeah. - That's Kim. - No matter how many times you put it through the dishwasher, that sponge is not, there's no coming back. - That's Kim. I mean, this week when she was all mad at Yolanda for speaking, when she's trying to lecture everybody at the start to hold anything. - I know. - And then Kyle says, well did you say bye to Yolanda? She goes, "Yes." She says, well what did she say to her? She goes, "Bye." (laughing) No, no. (laughing) Let's see what that was. (laughing) I long pause, she goes, "Goodbye." (laughing) Yes, no, I am thankful for that. You know, the thing is this, here's the truth of the matter. How many chairs did Kim fall off of when she was drunk? Zero, how many did she fall off of when she was totally stationary and sober? One, so we know that she's just permanently fucked up. - Yeah, she's just permanently drunk. And I love it 'cause I feel like so many people use drug and alcohol to give them a personality. And she's just proving you don't need it. I mean, after you've done enough, you don't need it. But did you watch that whole thing that they were doing during commercials where they were talking about that movie Frozen? - Oh, I had to fast forward, I couldn't. - Kyle looks like Hanichun. She has gotten so much Botox that she cannot move any of her face anymore. She's like an Asian invasion is on her face. And Kim seemed drunk 'cause she's like, "Oh, Frozen, ooh, I don't remember Disney movies. "Oh, brown cold, hey, can I get feel nice to my drink? "Get in, it's cold!" I was like, "Oh, no Kim Drunk again." But also it made me wonder, what's wrong with Kim's neck? I mean, why is she always wearing something around her neck? It's like the girl, see, I'm talking about American Horror Story again, I'm sorry, just got caught up, you got it. - 'Cause you know what, 'cause her neck is getting old. That's why it has the chicken feet thing, you know? Chicken skin. - Yeah, well, waddle or the waddle or whatever? - Just chicken skin, just your old standard chicken skin. - Well, I don't know. I feel like it's better to just have a waddle than look like you might have tried to cut your own throat, but you're trying to hide it. - All I have to say is this, those two women, their hair looked great, and I think we all know who could be to thank for that. None other than Miss Joyce, who was so kind to fix everyone's hair, including Lisa, who was most unappreciative, as we soon found. - Oh my God, okay, the first recap I wrote of this season, I said Joyce would only last one year. That was pretty much proof. - Yeah. - Come on. - That was like the most awkward insertion of an attempt at a storyline of all time. - I mean, that was the worst. They were talking about, first of all, they were talking about something totally different. They were already having a ridiculous fight over Yolanda, which was stupid, or the paparazzi. The paparazzi called Brandy a bully in front of her kids. All of a sudden, by the way, I love that Brandy suddenly has some modesty, and she doesn't appreciate something by being comfortable. - Brandy, who's videotaped by the paparazzi, like at least once a week, sit face to the point of falling down, Brandy, who starts hanging out. - Yeah, Brandy, who starts Twitter Wars and calls the stepmother of her children, like the C word and stuff on Twitter. Brandy, who like, just last week did a fucking porno nude scene in her hot tub at home, and her lease. - Brandy, what else is that little charming, little Brandy does? - Brandy, who goes on Howard Stern and talks about nasty, anal, like whatever, like essentially you're worried about your kids. - Yeah, and now all of a sudden she's called a bully, and she's missed, like Emily Post here. So I love how in the middle of this stupid fight, this artificial fight, then Joyce goes and brings Lisa Vanderpump off to the corner as like, listen, I just want you to know that when I first met you, you were actually very cold to me, and I did not appreciate that, because I tried to fix a hair, and you said, oh, I don't care, and Lisa's like, what the fuck? - Well, I love that Lisa is smart, and this is why she's clean, but this is why Lisa's smart. She just says, donning, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. - What you did, you were extremely rude. Oh, that's probably just saying, don't touch my hair, whatever, I didn't mean to be rude. - But you were, and the way you said it was something, she's like, oh God, she just walks away. - Lisa's like, I said, you know, like, oh, that's okay, I don't care. And then Joyce is like, oh, you were like, I don't care. And she's like, Joyce like swiftly her head back and forth. But the best part was like, she somehow shrouds this in some sort of sanctimonious thing that like, I'm telling you this because I'm a direct person and I don't like to gossip. And I'm telling this to your face, 'cause I will always tell you something to your face, unlike the other girls who were telling me about this behind your back, but I'm telling you to your face. I'm like, you know what, you just did it right there, is you just do everyone under the bus, over this stupid hair. - Oh yeah, well even Brandy said it. Oh, good. - I know. - What was that? - Oh my God, I feel like Beverly Hills is back on track this season. They're back to petty fights over stupid shit and they're all angry at each other and that's what I like. - See, I just agree because I think Beverly Hills is off because of these trashy women that got it. I mean, look-- - I like it. - I think before at least the women, like even Taylor, okay? She was a con woman and she was married to a con man, but at least, I don't know, there was something interesting about that, even though I hated Taylor, you know I did. - Yeah. - Adrian became a bitch, but I don't know, there's something about them that's, they used to be like the classy housewives 'cause even the first season they had that fight going on the whole season, but it was just Kyle calling someone insecure. It wasn't, like that was it the whole year and then it became the psychic, which was an amazing episode. But there weren't the richest and kind of the classiest and now you add two strippers in, it just doesn't, or three 'cause Brandy, I don't know, I'm not liking the turn, I'm not liking the trashy turn, I like it when it's classier ladies acting like trash. Trashy ladies acting like trash, I mean, that's why we have lifetime in oxygen. - That's true, that's true. Well, I'm at the end of my list, I guess we finished the things that we're thankful for, huh? - Yeah, we finished, we're done. Let's go kill some Indians and celebrate this country. - All right, everyone, well, we are most thankful for all of you and I am most thankful for social media, which provides us a wonderful platform to extend our brand. I'm @besideblog, I know it awful, awful transition, I'm sorry, I'm not thankful for that. - To expand our brand. - I don't know. Listen, I was just trying to get from the next talking point. So, I'm @besideblog on Twitter and Instagram and Vine, and everywhere else, Pinterest, whoever, wherever. Please follow me, please, please, please. - Yeah, I actually don't really care if you follow me or not about anything, but do come read my Real Housewives recap at trashtalktv.com, you'll like 'em. - Yeah, Ronnie's super funny in case you couldn't already tell. And Ronnie's @trashtweetTV and trashtalktv.com. And then, of course, our very, very funny podcast is on Facebook, facebook.com/watchworkrapins. We have like 2100 fans, it's awesome, it's great, everyone's funny, everyone posts good links and stuff, things that you never would have found out anywhere else there on that Facebook page. And, of course, you should subscribe to us on Stitcher and on iTunes, and your life will be just so much better, you'll have so many more things to be thankful for once those podcasts are automatically downloading onto your devices and your computers. - Yes, guys, yes. - Yes, and yes, so everyone, have a wonderful, wonderful Thanksgiving and hope you don't get stuck in too much traffic. Gobble, gobble. - Yeah, we'll see you next time, guys. Bye. - Bye. ♪ That crappin' ♪ (upbeat music) - If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called WaitForIt. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleisinger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza, our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here, and it's funny, and I love you. - A few days ago, Brooke Todine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag keep climbing, hashtag savings. - Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. - If you like Watchbook Crapins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey. - In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the debt to the internet is the kill list. A cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how it ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on The Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more exhibit see true crime shows like Morebid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out Exhibit C in The Wondery app for all your true crime listening.
