Losing weight can be hard, and when it comes to prioritizing your health and feeling confident and strong, it can be difficult to know where to start. Now you can get your health in check and be confident that you're on the right track to getting healthy through hers. Hymns and Hurts is changing women's health care by providing access to GLP1 weekly injections with the same active ingredient as those epic in wagovii, as well as oral medication kits. Weight loss by Hymns and Hurts is realistic, it's not restrictive, and it's focused on giving you access to the solution that is right for you. So you've been struggling with your weight loss journey, it's time you find an option that works for you, with Hymns and Hurts. Start your free online visit today at forhers.com/crapid. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com/crapids for your personalized weight loss treatment options. Forhers.com/crapid. Hurts weight loss is not available everywhere, compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required restrictions apply. Unlock your imagination with Audible. When you listen to audio content, your mind is free to paint the scenes and feel the emotions of a great story. Audible's extensive catalog is short to have titles that you'll enjoy, immerse yourself in captivating tales, learn from world-renowned experts, and discover new perspectives all while multitasking or relaxing. There's more to imagine when you listen, and one title that I've been listening to is my friend Neil J. Young's coming out Republican, which talks about the history of gay Republicans. It's super fascinating and super interesting. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit audible.com/crapids or text crapids to 500-500. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch More Crapids, a podcast about all that crap that we love on Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker from vsideblog.com. You can find me @vsideblog, and joining me as always is my wonderful and plucky co-host. Mr. Ronnie Karam, hi Ronnie. Hello. Hello. Hello. Ronnie is from trashtalktv.com and can be found at trashtweettv on Twitter. Isn't that right, Ronnie? That's right. Okay, good, good. We have so much stuff to talk about this week, just tons and tons of TV shows, and to help us out is a dear friend of mine, Ms. Jessica Ogleby. Hi Jessica. Hi Ben. Hi Jessica. This is, we've had a whole like very fascinating tech situation leading up to this very moment. So if it sounds like Jessica is calling in on a radio show, that's basically because she has, because we've had to wire it in a way that she's using her phone. So everyone, don't give Jessica a hard time, enjoy and embrace the sound of her voice. Yeah. Thank you. Isn't that the intro you've always wanted, someone to tell you to embrace your voice. You've always, always, yes. Jessica is a writer here in LA and I'm so glad you've been, you're able to come join with the Watch For Crap and podcast this week. Thank you. I'm happy to be here. Yes, we made you do a lot of Bravo homework and we're very appreciative of the hours and hours you spend watching these shows. Oh, believe me. It was my pleasure. Yeah. Oh, yeah, this was a heavy week to ask you to come on because there's a lot of Bravo on this week that we had to watch. Yeah. Tons. Tons. Yeah. Well, I enjoyed every moment. Well, so did I. Unfortunately, poor Ronnie went the extra mile and watched, what was that show you watched again? Well, I didn't watch all of it. I turned on that new show on Bravo called Thicker Than Water. Okay, let me, let's just start, I'll give a quick recap of this show. But these rich, it's a rich family who believes that the Lord wants them to be rich and they say rich and millionaire, every other word and all they care about is being a millionaire. How are you going to be a millionaire today? Hey, hey, me, how are you a millionaire today? What you going to do to be a millionaire today? Have a school. Would you do something to become a millionaire and get back there and try again. I'm like, what the hell? I mean, I understand parenting and wanting your kids to do well, but that's pretty specific. Like, I think a lot of families are just like, please don't get pregnant. And don't go to jail. I think, let's aim lower. My goal is basically how can I be a $10 millionaire, you know, it's not a millionaire. I just want to make $10. That's a value-millionaire. I'm a dollar store, you know, I'm a dollar store, you know, you know, more or less, more or less. Although they do have some good stuff at the 99 cents store, so everyone, keep your eye out for a good deal. Yeah, if you ever need to buy an homeless person, there's a whole rack of them right outside. Yeah, just standing there, just waiting to be purchased. It's like, I love some 90 home-world store, so good. Yeah. No, you can get, you can get spices, you can get, you can get the baby oil, you can get all sorts of great stuff. Oh, no. I think you really can. Condoms, light bulbs, batteries. Yeah. Tupperware, Tupperware, fake Tupperware. It's really just, it's a who's here. You could probably find some, probably some of some toasters that were built by Real Housewives of New York City. You'd probably find wins, puzzle love, Marge County. Any one of these bravo entrepreneurial endeavors will wind up at the dollar store at some day. Eventually, yes. You could, yeah. Yeah. You could probably find copies of some of their music. Yeah. Yeah. If you're lucky. Actually, that would probably be expensive, because that's not really a sale at all. Hey, you want to find Melissa Gorgas song at the dollar store? It's like, but it's a dollar in iTunes too. Why don't I have to drive all the way down there? But it's a dollar store. It's on cassette single. Yeah. I think we only need like one more season of all these shows until they have their own 99 cent store. And it's just products that those bitches sell. Soon, there'll be enough songs from these women that there'll be a new now volume. It'll be called, "Now That's What I Call Awful." Volume one. Sorry. How is your copy? Yeah. Oh, Lee. That's an amazing idea. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure it will happen. I'm sure there will be a greatest hits with Countess Luan and Melissa Gorga and Danielle Stav and of course, Kinsolciak and perhaps even some unreleased tracks like "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing." I'd like that. Yeah. I think that there's all these Broadway musicals based on pop songs. Why don't they just make a housewives musical based on all the songs of the housewife? But like, not make it about housewives, make it about something really deep, like that really shows. Like the Holocaust. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like the Holocaust, but two or three songs of housewives. America being so late to join in on World War II and to save all of Europe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And "The Ring Doesn't Mean a Thing" is when the Nazi camp wouldn't let the Jewish people get married before the end. And money can't buy you classes. It's really about Hitler and how he'll just never fit in, no matter how hard he tries. Because money and territory will not buy you class, Hitler. And really, who did Hitler or the survivors? I think we all know the end. I think we do. Who did keep the class? That's right. We are a classy crew. Jessica and I. We are classy. Jessica is part of the tribe I should mention to everyone listening. We are... Oh, yeah. We are Jews. We are Jews. Right. We are the classy Jews, classer than Hitler. Anyway, why don't we get, we have so many of these TV shows before we go on a totally bizarre tangent involving musicals on Hitler. Why don't we talk about, where do we want to start? Should we talk about the Miami reunion because we all watched that this afternoon? Sure. Yeah. Okay. This was craziness. This was absolute craziness. What I love about these Miami girls is every season they always realize, "Oh shit, we may not get renewed. Let's be totally bonkers during the reunion." Yeah. Okay. Wait, is this your first time watching Miami, Jessica? I'm pretty new to Miami, yeah. Yeah. So what were your impressions of these women having not really seen much of them? Well, they're pretty... I have to say they're pretty typical housewives, first of all. Like, they've got all of the different characters down. But I didn't think that they were... okay, I'm going to go out and say this. I didn't think that they were as awful as some of the other housewives. Really? Who do you think was more awful in general? Like which cast? Yeah, which cast would you say that you're like, "Oh my God, these are really the awful ones?" A New Jersey has been awful for me lately, and I say that as someone who you still love New Jersey. Right. Right. Well, the thing is that these women, it's not so much that they're awful. It's just that they're just fully deranged, right? It's just like an hour of them yelling. Well, it's one that I mean, they come on this one. This is the last housewives to be made or to be invented to be born, I guess. It's the youngest child. It's the youngest child in a family of hags, haggy witches. But they know how to get the attention, and they come and they're ready to pummel each other. Yeah. I mean, they will pick the lowest possible place to go, and I mean, they go there in the first five minutes. Like they blow their wad all over the place in the first five minutes of the thing. And it's like, they even started this one like a sporting event. All the women, you know, they have backstage stuff, and they're like, "Are you ready?" And they're like, "Yeah, I'm getting my makeup on. I'm ready to kick someone's ass." I don't know what I'm going to yell at someone about, but I'm going to yell at somebody. It's like Jesus. And that's almost a little quote. It's just without an accent and like slightly more testosterone. And without the muffled sound of gigantic breasts, and getting in the way that sounds. Right. Yes. So Andy went straight for the January with Lisa. Lisa. Yeah. When she went right there, talking about how Lisa's having trouble having babies. Yeah. Which by the way, I don't disagree with Joanna. I mean, I think there's a really good correlation for not getting pregnant with like not eating and drinking booze all the time. Like to me, that's a no brainer. Yeah. And having a body made out of the same ingredients on the back of a diet coke can. I mean, the girl looks like, the girl looks like a melted Miss Pac-Man machine. That girl is nothing but chemicals and fake metal all melted up and like glued together with some sticky, sticky, sticky glue. She's obviously like the sister of Pinocchio. Okay. She at one point was just an actual doll. And someone cast a spell, like Japeto came around, cast a spell and she became like a talking sentient doll. But the truth is, she still has the insides of a toy doll, which is why she'll never get pregnant because she doesn't have any women parts in there, I'm sure. It's just plastic. Yeah. I mean, Pinocchio probably would have been dirtier if they had blow-up dolls back then. Yeah. She just got it. Exactly. Like a blow-up doll. She does. She literally looks like a blow-up doll. Yeah. She literally has plastic. You know, like there's like Jocelyn Wildenstein, whatever her name is, who got plastic surgery to look like a cat. Lisa, it seems to have gotten plastic surgery to look like a blow-up doll. It's very bizarre. Yeah. It's really like admirable for them. Yeah. I mean, she did well. I mean, on that front, I mean, she's like, it's just a solid 10 in terms of resemblance. So we're talking about this thing with Lisa and her baby that has not been seeded yet. What was that about, what was the low blow because I heard the yelling and then the screaming and then Lisa, she said it's a low blow that you brought up my baby. Was it because Joanna, wasn't Joanna insinuating that she did coke or something at the party? What was she insinuating? Oh, I don't know. I thought that Joanna said on either Twitter or an interview and it was very hard for me to follow. Thanks for having me very fast. But that Joanna said that like, you know, maybe she puts down the drink, then maybe she will get pregnant. I think that's what Joanna said. And Lisa, of course, Lisa is very eager to have her own storyline. She's not at any storyline and I think she knows she's not limited time. So that's why she was sort of coming up going crazy. And she's like, how dare you, how dare you make fun of the reason that I don't, the fact I don't have a baby that she does those big tears and everything, her lips swell up. I think that's what the, the thing is this, on this reunion, the entire episode, there were low blows and there were a lot of threats of low blows of people being like, oh, you don't want me to go there. You don't want me to say that. I can say things, but I'm not going to. You don't want me to go there. You don't want me to go there. I don't want to go there. Yeah, that's what I'm confused. What was that? She's like, oh, I could say something lower. Don't make me say something lower. Okay. I have it. I don't make me do it. I love the Lisa's reaction to that too. She's like, how dare you and Joanna's like, I didn't say anything. I just, you know, have the things follow both you say. How dare you. How dare you and things could get worse. Yeah. I died to know what the thing was, personally. Yeah. That's what I'm asking. I think it was that she was doing coke in the bathroom at the wedding. That's what I'm going to go with because it's her and she was mad at her husband and I'm sure she was like, fuck, and I'm going to have some blow, you know. I feel like that's what everyone does in Miami to get mad and do coke in the bathroom. Totally guys. I don't know, like, go play, like, highlight or something. Scarface wasn't just some made up movie. It was like based on real things. Yeah. Well, you know, what actually, what I thought was funny is that, like, really set up all this was this benign question about, like, what's it like to live in Miami? And Lisa makes this joke being like, well, none of my friends work. And then everyone's like, jumped in her and like, like, Alexis is like, well, I work. Oh, well, you know, we know I work for, for, for Herman's magazine, like, well, you know, you know, I, I do that. Well, I love that it wasn't even like a feminist thing where they're all trying to say that they worked. They're fighting that their husband's work. She's like, well, you know, Herman goes to the magazine and then Joe, and they're like, yeah, well, my husband works. Okay. He works hard. And then, and then Lisa, then Lisa's trying to say like, like, like, she starts saying that she doesn't work and none of her friends work, but then she gets upset when people talk about the fact that she doesn't work and none of her friends work. It was, it was very convoluted. And somehow it got, it got to the baby. It got to, it spiraled down to that baby very quickly. It did. This is very quickly to her ability to do also a favorite, a favorite moment was how she dead seriously called herself an immigrant from Canada. Oh, yes. That I have to say, that was my favorite part of the entire episode. And she's like, well, you know, as an immigrant in Florida. Yeah. It's so difficult to find work as an immigrant, really, because I have not seen that problem. I don't think I've heard of that problem. I believe the context was that Joanna was saying, you know, I've had to work for every single thing. Like I came to this country, I had nothing. And then Lisa's like, well, I was an immigrant too. Oh my God. And immigrant from Canada. Yeah. But they're all this back when they were just, they, I think that they thought, oh, this season's been boring. We're going to have nothing to fight about. And they just came out finding about whatever the first thing said was, it was like, oh, well, you know, a lot of people don't work. I disagree. I disagree. I disagree. It's like, yeah, you all don't even know what you're disagreeing about this. Shut up. Quiet down. We've got entire history to hoard them to go through. I would, I would like, I would like a Ken Burns documentary about Lisa's immigrant struggle from, you know, the, from the third world back country of Toronto. She's like, when I got here, it was so difficult to get it into my bones that books are just cheaper here. And that's just how it is. When I had to, when I had to convert from the metric system to this weird, like, foot system, foot and yard thing, that was very hard for me. I lost a lot of job opportunities. Do you know how much less I weighed in KG's? I'm sure that the, they ever decide to, to revamp the American tail franchise. It will be drawn directly from Lisa's life as a comedian immigrant. A little mouse with a big hat that got a really blown up face. A little mouse, a little mouse that doesn't work, but used to work as a model, just so you know. So one of the things that I was pretty surprised about, okay, a couple of things surprised me about this reunion. One was that Adriana just showed up and admitted that she's a liar. I cannot believe, I don't know what happened to her between then and now, and suddenly she's like, well, okay, look, maybe it was kind of like, I can see why people would think that it's a lie, technically it was a lie, but it's not what's in my heart. You don't see me inside of myself. So look at me inside of myself before you, like a whore, like I heard you were through the Great Lakes. Like she, honestly, was like one of the most amazing things ever for her to be, to be like, you know, I mean, like, I mean, literally it's a lie, but like, I guess if that makes me a liar, then so be it, it's like, yes, actually, if you literally tell a lie, and that lie is truthfully a lie, ironically, that does make you a liar. That's how it works. You are in fact a liar. And she just keeps on going. She's like, no, no, Leah, it doesn't set me up on any dates. Oh, don't you lie, Leah, don't you lie, Leah, well, of course Leah set me up on dates, but you know, here's why, because she wanted to sell a house, I'm like, yeah, some man, you're a whore. And then here's the thing, this woman who cares, you know, last season, Jessica, I don't know if you saw this, she got really mad at another cast member because they both took a picture of this renowned artist, and the other cast member tweeted it out first, and Adriana had this whole big thing where she was like, she beat me to the tweet, and she beat me to the tweet. And because she was mad because she thought this other woman didn't care, was just taking a picture of a guy that she didn't even know who it was, but Adriana knew who the guy was as an artist, and it was disrespectful for Adriana not to get the first tweet. So this woman who cares about, you know, social graces and mores, et cetera, et cetera, all of a sudden doesn't understand why Leah would be upset that she went out of her way to set her up on dates with these guys, these rich guys, and Adriana's like, well, you know, we didn't kiss, so I don't see what the problem is, I don't see the problem, like it drives me nuts. Yeah, she's a lie, she's a lie, but my favorite, my favorite part was so Leah, of course, one of the perks of being married to a very famous defense attorney is that you come prepared. So Leah started throwing down the evidence, and my favorite quote that Adriana had was when she tried to shut down, she goes, you'll stop right there on your Leah trial, black, you know, trial. You just stop right there with your black trial, Leah trial, black, Leah stop evidence trial. Yeah, that was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen, because when she doesn't have an answer for something, she just starts yelling unintelligibly, and she wins, like she wants every argument. Like if you ask anybody on the street, did she lie, half of them are going to say no. She's like, oh, there you go again with your black magic ashtray camera, clock, penney, magic, black magic, because they actually have no idea what words she's saying. They're like, I guess that she's right. Yes, it seems right to me. Okay. Yeah, she seems really, really sure of her point. I'm going to believe her. Yeah. I'm going to go with that. I also, I also love when Leah then presented this evidence of this check of all this stuff, this tuition for to retire the school's debt in order for this kid to stay in it. And she gets up there to present it to Andy as if he's judge duty, like permission to approach the bench. She gets up, she stands up her back fully to the camera, and then just stands there and continues to talk to me until he tells her that she's allowed to sit back on the couch. He's finally like, you can sit down, if you can. Yeah. And that was hilarious, she's like going over all this evidence, like, look, here's a check I raised from this woman, and here's a check, and here's a proof that it was to keep back kids in school, because I did it over the Christmas holiday, and it would do that. And I said, this kid better specifically get in there, and then, and then you've got Adriana like, Oh, God, now yourself to a cross. And then Stephen Alexia right next to her going, Oh, well, you know, you know, you have a lot of children, not just her children, you know, you have a lot of children. So, so there you have a lot of children. It's like, are you dissing her by like saying that she helped the entire school? Like, how is this a diss? I don't even understand what these ladies are fighting about. I don't get it. It's confused. And Lisa's like, and as an immigrant, I don't understand the term retired debt. So let's just talk about my baby again. Don't talk about my baby, let's all go blow. You're using words I don't understand, and that's a little blow. That's a little blow. No, I, the thing that actually was annoying was that, you know, Adriana first is, you know, she what she attacks on a different point, which is that Leah saying, look, I was doing all this stuff because I thought Adriana was alone. I had no one to help her out when in fact she had a husband. And then Adriana response of being like, Oh, such a philanthropist, such a philanthropist that has to get credit, such as philanthropists, it's like, that's not, that's not what's up for debate here, you know, whether or not she's a philanthropist. What's up for debate is that she did this. She did this whole gesture, got all this money raised because she thought no one else was supporting you and your child. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I love that she can turn that around as like her doing something bad, but whatever. And the other thing I was really surprised about was that Leah came out swinging this time. I feel like she's always been shocked in the past. And I guess she was just ready for it to get bloody this time and came with folders. Yeah, she was smart to have those checks ready because if she hadn't, then we would never heard the end from like a Lexi, be like, Oh, well, you know, like a check, you can only know a check if you see it, like there are a lot of checks that you're doing so many checks. I don't know what check that I can't read. I don't know. Herman reads for me. Herman writes all the checks, but I'm sure of one thing, they're written down on a piece of paper and it's not fair to bring paper to reunions. This is ridiculous. You have too many children. And we have no more paper in my house because my son rolled them up and smoked out of them all the time. But you know, he's trying to change, so you know, at first he was trying to be like his father, but now he's trying to change and he stops smoking all the paper from my house. But you know, still checks, I believe in online banking. So that's, that's where I stand on this argument. But now he's really into origami is so like, we still have a paper issue in the house, even though he's not spoken, then he's folding them a lot. And we have a lot of cranes. It's really beautiful. That's, that's, that's what makes him happy. So that makes me happy God bless these women. So those are the main things that happen. Next week we're going to get more allegations of horishness about. It's on Thursday. Yeah. It's on Thursday, by the way. It's not next week. It's on Thursday. Oh, Thursday. And then we're also going to get more allegations of horishness on Lisa's behalf, I believe. Oh, I'm excited. So and then Leah supposedly lied about something, so that should be interesting. So that's, that's those bitches, but you know, I don't even think they should keep, I don't think they should keep filming this Miami. I think they should just have reunions. I think they should just have them on to talk about just reuniting shows that we've never seen before. It's the most talk about fertility issues. Yes. I think also we also can't finish the Miami segment without discussing Joanna's awful gay makeup guy. Oh my God. Yes. I'm so sorry about that. And so just because that fat bitch isn't here, I'd like to apologize on his behalf to all the gay people for what he just did to us. So thanks a lot, bitch. Yeah. So here's the thing. Makeup artists, I think I've had this conversation. And in fact, I think we just discussed this very recently, Jessica. Makeup artists generally tend to be crazy awful people. Like I've, every single makeup artist that I've met has been crazy, maybe one exception, but they're all super, super crazy. And the reason why is because most of them, I'm not going to say all of them, but I think a good number of them don't have any discernible talent. And they just want to be near celebrities or important people. So what they do, they cozy up next to them, they say, Oh, I can do makeup. I'll do this. And then they become a confidant and they become a sidekick and they do whatever their celebrity master tells them to do. And this was a perfect example. This was a crazy person here who was like shit, like Joanna group as a supermodel and I'm going to be her gay. I mean, it stayed in your gaze by going after the stupid blog model across the hallway. And that's exactly what he did. Okay. Well, Lisa was saying that he was going after her on Twitter and stuff. So I guess that Joanna was telling him stuff in the chair. And then he was going off on to Twitter and saying, you know, spreading all these rumors about Lisa and, you know, then they got into a confrontation at the thing. And he was calling her ugly and he was just disgusting. Listen, make up people, you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself for being makeup people, but understand that you are in the service industry and you need to shut the fuck up. Okay. That's like a bus boy coming up to my table and calling me a fat bitch. I made me a fat bitch, but you're still the bus boy, fill up my water and get me some more bread. Shut the fuck up bus boy. And that's what you need to understand makeup people know your place and what the hell and he wasn't even, and he wasn't even a funny guy. Like all he kept on saying was like, fix your makeup. Your makeup looks bad. Fix your makeup. Your stupid bitch. Fix your makeup. Yeah. It wasn't even, there was no, there was no redeeming quality. There was nothing redeeming about his little flight of insult. Yeah, it was just ugly to watch. And I feel like Bravo, you know, we've talked about this before on the show, but I think Bravo, it's like, it's a conspiracy, like they seem like it's this gay channel and it's so fun and campy and it's all pro gay and pro women, but then they put the most vile, you know, gays and women on it. And I think it's ruining feminism and it's ruining, it's ruining homosexuality. Let's be honest. It's just killing us. You know, I'd rather just, I'd rather just cozy up to a vagina. I'm not going to fall for this anymore. And it's just the same way the UPN was run by a bunch of old white men, like trying to bring the black man down and keep him in the ghetto. This is some bullshit. It's a conspiracy. Let's all stop watching Bravo. Thank you. You touched on something very important here. The UPN Bravo connection. Yes. It's actually still run by all old white men and they're secretly out to get us. That's what's happening. I think so. I think so. And I think there's probably no better example of that than if we were to move on. Actually, I was going to say Beverly Hills, but even before we go to Beverly Hills, there's one little snippet that one of our Twitter followers pointed out to us. Let me pull up this person's name so I give him or her credit. Okay. This is from Shira Adika who drew my attention to watch what happens. And I guess so Brandy Glanville was on last night. And as you know, one of the issues, one of the contentious points during the reunion was that Brandi told Lisa that Joanna broke up Yolanda's marriage to Mohamed, which is such a crazy Bravo gossip grapevine. It's ridiculous. So anyway, so I guess Brandi, whatever Brandi was saying, what happens live, Joanna tweeted something like, now I know why your man left you. So then Brandi said, I want you to watch what happens live. Well, Mohamed said you're pussies things. So if you want to talk about steps backwards in feminism, I think Bravo really done the trick. Yeah. And Andy just sits there like laughing like it's the best fucking thing to ever happen. You know, I watched that clip that she posted on our Facebook. Thank you so much for posting that. But also fuck you for posting that because I spent like 18 minutes watching the entire show. And I don't think I can, I don't think it's, I don't know, I feel like I just can't win in life if I keep spending my time on this shit, you know, like I watch a stupid thing and you've got Brandi calling someone's pussy stinky. And then you've got Joanna writing other nasty tweets. And then at the end of the day, like, who am I sitting here watching? Brandi who's disgusting. And she's like that horrible gay where like, you know, he's supposed to be funny, like, even if he's mean and nasty, at least be funny, you know, you're a gay, but he was just horrible. And Brandi's that kind of person to me, like she seems like she's going to be funny and be the best fag hag ever. And like, that girl will say anything aware of bikini to the Oscars, like, she seems so fun. And then you listen to her talk and she's just a mean, horrible, bitter, dark soul, like, who's just probably cutting herself at night, like she just needs to stay inside. And then next to her is that Mark and Swillows guy who's married to Kelly. And I saw him at South by Southwest a few years ago, his hands all over these nasty 20 year old waitresses. So you've got this slime bag sitting there, like, making fun of girls on Bravo. And then you've got Andy with this terrible, like, I'm famous, so now I'm gonna like feather my hair look. I just can't anymore, you know? And having this many shows to watch on Bravo, I'm about to fucking take that network down or there's just going to be little dead Ronnie parts flattered all over my apartment that people are going to have to volunteer to complete now. Dead Ronnie parts. Oh no. All over this place, Mark and Swillows and Brandy Glanville and Joanna Crouper. Jesus. All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Why don't we focus your rage on our backyard, which is Beverly Hills and talk about last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Very entertaining. And there's a second episode of season and I'm fully on board with all the shenanigans. And I think the, I guess we started off with Yolanda having more Lyme disease issues. She had to get something taken out of a heart for medicine. Shut up, Yolanda. Miss. Oh, you don't know what it's like when you have to lay down stare at the ceiling, all dead, all night. Actually, bitch, that's how I spent my 30s, all right? Don't judge me. You don't know me. Well, my favorite is, so she goes in, she has to surgery or whatever with her internist who could not have looked any creepier. He's had a lot of male plastic surgery that was performed perhaps by Fival himself. We're going to bring it back to American Tail. Like the second half of American Tail was that Fival went to med school and became like an immigrant plastic surgeon. His first patient was Yolanda's internist. My favorite scene was when he went, when Fival goes and gets frosted tips. My favorite scene was when Fival and Yolanda's husband throw out when they first see each other. I don't know if you all thought that. Yeah, I did. There was a fist bump, I believe. Well, there was a blast and a hug. There was a complete like, bro hug. I was like, you guys are middle aged men. You are, you know, our white as white can be, do not throw out, please. Don't throw out in a Lyme disease clinic, please. This is not your moment. You have too much plastic surgery to throw and you ain't no one's mistaking you for a bro. It was just such a classic woman. Yeah. Listen, I know David Foster is extremely powerful in this town, but that does not give him the right to throw out with his internist. I'm sorry. Yeah. Thank you. I'm cold. If you're an internist, by the way, you should be in a white jacket, okay? First of all, you have to be in a white jacket. I'd prefer you to have some scruffy beard at to show you've been up all night working on patience, like you're so in demand. I don't want you to look like you just came from the guitar center, picking out pics for your midlife crisis banjo, you know? Yeah. It's like, I hope you get over this Lyme disease soon so you could come over and check out my Willy cover band. Whoa. I'll tell you what, that apology song is pretty amazing, yo Lee. It's pretty amazing. And what, what was he, he did absolutely nothing except like stick his head and be like, good luck, Yolanda. Like, what exactly was, is he doing something medical, let's say, yeah, like maybe taking the pump out of her heart instead of just sitting there while she says, I feel like I've lost my balls. I feel like I have lost my notes. Yeah. The best part of this was the daughter, the daughter model Gigi calling Gigi who thinks she's dying because she's about to faint because she's on a fucking lemon cleanse and riding a horse at the same time. And she's like, I had to eat it all my mom, I'm so sorry, I had to eat like an all man. And she's like, okay, eat a couple of almonds and chew them really, really well, okay. And I love also that like Gigi, like here's like her mom, like coming out of Assieji just had like heart surgery, essentially. And Gigi calls us like, nah, I feel a little wee, like bitch, your mom has just came out of Assieji. I guess she's like loopy. She just had to make her surgery and you are crying and you need an almond because you know that she's like, because you know that she, you know that Yolanda has that program on her iPad and her computer that she's got like all the cameras going to her iPad. So she's sitting there in the hospital like, Gigi, can you hear me at your mother? I see that arm and Gigi put it down. She probably like put in sensors on like Gigi's like trailer floor. And she, this way she can tell if Gigi's actually a little heavier than a left hand. I love you for a trailer. Gigi, I love Gigi, I've left a gallon of water outside your door. When you take it, it will be locked. No more cashews for you. You can't only almond for you, only almonds, I love it. Gigi, you totally misinterpreted what I said. You can only have almond flour and almond meal, but no actual almonds. Those are going to stick into your stomach lining and cause leaky guts. Now look out your window, your father and I are standing here. We are going to have an air buffet together. I have raw salt and lemon pepper spray. So while Yolanda was having her Lyme disease issue, we got to know a little bit more about one of our new housewives, Carlton, who as I mentioned last week is that wonderful mix of being snobby and really dumb. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing more than watching a stripper age, y'all. That's one of the things Florida and Los Angeles both get. We get to sit and watch strippers crumple up like really slutty, STD-ridden roses that just turned to dust right in front of you. It's like stick that one in the middle of a book and close it before she ages anymore. I'm going to really make myself sound like a dork, but I'm a big fan of Zelda and I remember getting Zelda ocarina of time, the Nintendo 64 one was the first 3D Zelda and it was so exciting. And one of the very first things you have to do is you have to go and save the Deku Tree. The Deku Tree is this like mystical tree that's wonderful and you have to save it because it's ill. But at the end, even though you do try to save it, the Deku Tree dies and it sort of like has the sad, you know, it just sort of deflates. And that's kind of what these women are like. They're like the dying Deku Tree from Zelda. Slowly deflating. The ocarina of time has just been playing way too quickly. Yeah, the magic is lost. The bark is thickening and cracking, they follow the same fate as the Deku Tree. I guess I should probably update the analogy. There's something from Avatar, isn't there a tree of souls or a tree of something that you know, you have to like sacrifice the Gorny Reaver to make her come back to life. That's what these women need. We need to sacrifice the Gorny Reaver for these women to be restored to the former movie. We will have to find the Gorny Reaver, chill her and give everyone these women an amulet of their upper blood. So what? Sorry, I said Gorny Reaver, it's not a real threat. What scenery are now, Lisa and who? We're talking about Carlton. So first we go to Carlton's house, she has all these crosses because she loves crosses. She's just dumb. They make their kids look good. This is my favorite Carlton. Well, it's not really a quote, but when she was like, what's this big goth house? And she's like, yes, you know, I love crosses. I mean, what an amazing symbol to have all over your home. I mean, it's strong. It's a cross. It's so strong. I also love pentagrams. Some people think that that's weird, but that's my faith. What? This is your faith. She's a wickin'. They haven't really delved into that, but she's a wicker. Oh, she used to shut the hell up. And that whole part about how she was, she's achieved something because when she was a little seven year old girl, you know, even before her big de-sailing sax, she's got taped to the front of her. She used to dream about living in this big giant goth house with pentagrams and crosses and now she's done it. Yeah, you totally visualized a homely rich guy to come into some club that you could fight some other slut over at Mary and get your house like destiny, destiny is hilarious, you guys. Yeah, I actually loved the story she told later on in the show when, when that house she met her husband. She's like, well, I was in a club and I saw this man and another woman came in the way and then they started to fight and he came down and saved me. Yeah, I was like, no bitch, she's talked to him for six months. Yeah, he totally pulled a tail on her single thing. Yeah. I also, one thing I love about, I'll go on. I was just going to say, I think Carlton is either going to be like an incredible addition to the team or like the biggest does that Real House left has ever seen. She could, she could go either way right now. I think she's going to be, I think she's going to be incredible because she's already been so dismissive of everything. She gets offended at everything, like when she went to Kyle's house and they're having like a girls, girls afternoon or girls night or whatever and she's there and she starts telling some stupid stories. She's like, well, my daughter started to cry because a black cat ate a bird and then Kyle's like, excuse me, I'm going to get the food and she's like, how rude could that be? I'm like, I'm like, Kyle, I'm hearing the story about the black cat and the bird. I'm like, see ya. That was, I'm not the biggest Kyle fan but that was an amazing move with Kyle's part. She was like, really, I don't care. I don't care. I'm going to get him food. Yeah. And then later on when, when, what's her name Joyce? I think her name is Joyce, right? The beauty queen. She's like, and then I went down Abua, she's like, she's like, I went down a blind date and I looked horrible. Maybe I'm giving her the most Latina accent at all times, she sounds like that at all. But she's going on and I just love how Carlton just couldn't believe it, couldn't believe how she'd go on for so long. And I mean, they were snorting and just horrified at it all. Well, her story is so ridiculous too. She's like, well, you know, I didn't want to put a lot of effort to that man. So I just, you know, I wanted to look as ugly as possible. So I put my hair up and didn't wear any makeup. And so I go to meet him and oh my God, you guys, he is the man of my dreams. When I saw him, I knew I had to have him because that happens to every chunky buck tooth like a fucking gap tooth, balding fat guy. Give me a break. You saw him and you knew he was a lot of your life. Did he have his fucking bank statement hanging around his neck? Shut up over there. You just fell in love with Robert Redford over there. You'd shut up. We're not falling for it, Missy. He had his feet hanging around his neck, that's exactly what it was. Totally. And she... What was your dollar bill about you, is that what happened? Yeah, exactly. And he got a dollar bill past my cervix. I knew he was the one. It's like, shut up over there. But that girl I prefer because she's like an idiot trophy wife and ain't nobody gonna believe she's anything else. But this Carlton one is acting like, you know, have you ever... This is so mean to... I probably talked about this girl before, but you guys ever known a stripper that has like aged and they have to like go out and get a real job in her real life. It is hilarious. I had one stripper who realized that everyone thought she was stupid, so she started like trying to read books and it was hilarious because she would just bring up the most random things to try and sound smart and it was just embarrassing for her. It's like you're still wearing see-through pants. And that's how I feel every time Carlton comes on. I feel like everything she's saying is just something to make her sound smart and it's like, oh honey, just stop. Well, to be fair, she is a member of the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce, so if that doesn't make her smart. She is a business in you. She is a business woman person for us. Yeah, she is a pioneer in Beverly Hills. She knows things about business, she knows things about revenue, she knows things about streams of income and revenue. She knows. She knows about chambers too. She knows about chamber pots, chamber maids and actual physical chambers. So she knows about the chamber of commerce. She knows about Diane Chambers from tears. She knows it all. She knows every single line of tears, little known fact about Carlton. She knows every single line. Oh, Carlton, I think I predict that she's going to be an amazing addition to the cast because she's stupid. She thinks she's fancy and she's really not and she is obviously next stripper and dem bitches can fight. Yeah. Absolutely. And she hates everyone already and she's appalled by everyone already and one can only hope that sooner or later that will translate into violence. Oh, yeah. Well, the best thing is that she is appalled by everyone over things that she actually inhabits. She represents everything that's wrong with all these women in one person and she doesn't realize that. She's like Natalie Portman in Thor of the Dark World. She actually has the power to destroy the universe inside of her. Oh my god. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. I saw that this weekend. I saw that this weekend. That's where my mind is going. Good reference. Thank you Jessica. Did anything else happen on this hour? Anything notable? Well, we got to watch Kim and that dog and that dog trainer can sit out of the dog which is horrible, worst fucking dog trainer ever. If ever you need an actual service, like I get that you want free shit, but don't let Bravo just hire your doctors for you. Don't let them hire your lawyers, your psychiatrists, your dog trainers. Don't do it. Hire real people. No, that dog. That dog needs a trainer. Yeah, but I'm so glad you brought that up though because that is the worst dog trainer. Like that dog barked at him and he's lost his mind, like he was so possibly the most amazing scene I've ever seen. That dog is not one jattin, the dog barked at him and he was like, "Oh my God, what the God?" He's your son's worst tongue trainer and then he's like, "But you have to keep the dog calm. You have to try and keep, you have to stay calm and focus like you just did when you completely lost your mind." And kicked the dog, like kicked the dog in front of the owner. Wow. So, I think the other big thing that happened on this week's episode was that there was a lot of talk about Lisa being on Dancing with the Stars and first of all, we saw Taylor. We saw Taylor. And by the way, everyone, Jessica's voice now sounds clear and present because we fixed the tech situation. So welcome back, Jessica. Thank you. Thank you very much. Sounds much, much better. Yeah. So, we saw Taylor again. We saw Taylor for the first time this season. I don't know. How did you guys feel seeing Taylor again? I felt good. I felt like her cheeks were even plumper unusual, which was nice. They were. Yep. They're plumped with love. Definitely plumped, plumped full of love, shot full of love. Colorado love, the love of Colorado and the Rockies. The love of fresh air and a good man. A good man. A good man with a nice paycheck. Good man with a, yeah, exactly, it was a big, beautiful, big, bang statement. And I was happy to see Taylor. I like Taylor. I've always had a special spot for Taylor for some reason, although she is possibly clinically insane. But I love her. Yeah. I love her too in a weird way. I mean, she's, she is clinically insane and she has very strange twists and turns in her life. That's for sure. But that's what, that's, that's what makes her fun. I, I, I'm a little sad to see her go this season. Mm-hmm. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. I was sad to see her go to you. She, she always, she's got that like, she wants to fight so badly. Yes. You know, she's got like, she wants to bring out her inner fighter so badly and she wants every now and then she does. She wants to go Oklahoma on your ass and she doesn't even know what that means. Still three years later, she doesn't know what it means, but she still wants it. But she still wants it deep down inside. She wants to know, she really wants to get redneck basically. Yeah. Yeah. She's kind of bad for her because here she is, you know, with some lawyer, she scammed off some other woman at some crappy dinner at the Grove upstairs somewhere at the Grove, which you know, that can't be good. Yeah. I've been there. It's not good. Never again. No. Snowman plays, she's invited to that she gets to go on camera. She has to sit dancing with the stars. You know what a pain in the acid is to go see a TV show. You have to stand there for like three hours before, outside and the line. I just felt really bad for Taylor, you know? And then that whole like, let's try and explain Taylor's absence. Let's just say that she's in Chicago all the time now instead of her ass got fired from the show. Yeah. Because as I recall, Taylor worked very hard for the zip code and she's not going anywhere. That is true. You know what? You're right. She worked very hard for the zip code. She did. How could she trade it up for something in Colorado or Chicago or wherever she's supposed to be? Yeah. She just, she did let it go after all that. She, you know what, that just goes to show that maybe if Taylor, Taylor tried a little harder at certain things, you know, she would still be on the show. She would still have a husband. She just has to try harder Taylor. It's all on your, it's all on your shoulders. Mm hmm. I think that's the takeaway. All of it is on Taylor's shoulders. Yeah. She can blame herself for everything that's gone wrong. It is her fault. She's got the whole world in her hands. Taylor, it is your fault. So, so the thing that happened was that Lisa, she's been like, "Oh no, I have so much to balance. I have a new restaurant opening up and I'm dancing with the stars and I have sir and I have the ladies." And so then at the end of the episode, she's on Dancing the Stars and she fainted. And then Kyle and Kim started laughing because they felt like it was a fake fainter. Oh god, yeah. Did you guys think it was a fake fainter or no? No. I think that Kyle and Kim are horrible when we get together. I think that Kyle and Kim are like the meanest mean girls that I have ever seen when they get together. Kim's reaction to that fainter was like the biggest overreaction I've ever seen. That was like, she like, Lisa faints and Kim's like, "What just happened? I was like, did we miss something? Am I watching something different than what you're watching?" I know. Kim acts like she hasn't passed out like four times a week for the past 40 years. If anyone knows how to fainter, it's your ass. Of course, the one to call someone out on fainting incorrectly is the drunk. Yeah. And by the way, Lord Kim. And here's the thing, if you're someone who faints a lot that actually does not make you the expert because your eyes are always closed when it happens, you don't know what it looks like because you're doing it. And if you do know what it looks like, maybe that Dolph protests too much for the camera. Yeah. And I like that she's like, "I've fainted a lot, I've fainted for cameras and I've fainted not for the cameras. I know about fainting." I know. I know about fainting. You know, it's not just falling down. You guys have a certain way to do it. If you're holding on to somebody's hand, you're not fainting, if you're fainting, then you're not holding on to something, you're just falling on the ground. But if you're just falling on the ground and you might have fainted or you fell, maybe there's a crack in the sidewalk. But if you stay down, you probably fainted or had a heart attack. Now when she got up, the way that she looked around the room, she actually looks in his face, that means it wasn't a fainting. Because when you really fainting, you wake up and your first thing is the call out for your best friend. So you wake up and you say, "Sorry! Go to where I am!" That's a fainting, but when you look at a hot dancer right into his eyes while you're holding his hands, it's not real. What? It's just so crazy. And honestly, it's obvious that this scene was probably taped way after the fact because if they were just watching it, those women would never have thought that that fainting was fake unless it was already speculation. You know who thinks fainting are fake like that? It's like people on Reddit and they write comments or whatever and then it becomes, you know, internet gossip and then it sort of bubbles over. It does not start with Kim and Kyle Richards. I'm sure they saw Independence Day and thought it was a documentary, they thought the world actually ended. Okay. They need to be told. I don't know. You know, don't give him attitude. He saved our lives! What the times? They're not out there sleuthing for fake faints. They're not the ones finding out what's real and what's not real and so if it's just real vision. Listen, Kim doesn't know how to work a popcorn machine. How's she going to know what a fainting looks like? Kim just hired the worst dog trainer in the world. She did not know about a fainting. Yeah. She found a homeless guy. Don't work at admitting. Yeah. She needs to work at admitting in the hospital. Look. You got it. You got it. All right. Listen. Here's what AIDS is like. Do you think show tunes when it's time for your rent to be paid? Then you don't have AIDS. You don't have it. Get out. Yeah. I like how she also says like, yeah, I thought that rehabilitating Kingsley is going to be easy. Kim, you just, you, you're brought in like the most deadly dog in the world. It's not going to be an easy rehabilitation. Okay. She's like, I just, I rebuild him myself so I can rehabilitate a killer dog. It's like saying, oh, I brought in this like lion. And I thought I could teach it how to like hang out. And so you see the correlation, of course. So how are you rehabilitating your dog when you bought him as a puppy? It's not like she just got this dog and it was a full grown dog. She bought it. It was a little tiny puppy. That's not rehabilitating your dog. That's buying a fucking dog. Well, to be fair, the, the training, the puppy, the puppy wasn't alcoholic. We sat, we went to group sessions. I got him at the clinic, I'll tell you, no one had better stories than him. Maybe you say, I don't say his last name is because it's an anonymous program. Just Kingsley. That's all you need to know. He's so private, he's so bold to talk about the things he talks about. Like, you know, instead of doing so much help, just like your own wiener. There's a solution. I love Kim Richards, everything she says. Even when she was talking about, she starts crying that Kingsley isn't trained. And she's like, well, if I could do this for myself, I could come back on me and that. It's cute. Wait, we're talking about the dog. I forgot. All right. She, she also had some, when she saw Taylor, she had a quote that I almost recorded and I was going to play on the podcast because it went on for about 15 seconds and it's her being like, Tara, you just look like, you know, so like really happy and it's like, it's so good to see you happy and you look good. And it's like, it's good to see that. It's really, it's, it's really good. It's really good. You know, she's like, Taylor, I hate you. I hate you so much, Taylor, right now. Meanwhile, she's telling it's like a vase. She doesn't realize like, Kim's children over there. Oh, sorry. So what else happened in this show? So we had a saw dancing with the stars, Kyle has got, has got this whole thing against Lisa and it's hilarious, but it looks like it's actually, then let's talk about article. I just moved into a new house and it is really hard to find quality furniture that honestly, I can afford without feeling terribly guilty. I found the most beautiful stuff on article. I got three bar stools for this bar I built and they are gorgeous. They're mid-century modern brown leather seats, just beautiful and not only are they great, but they brought them over and they put them together. It was white glove service from beginning to end. That was my experience with them too. I mean, the truth is that article believes in delightful design for every home and thanks to their online only model, they have some really delightful prices too. Their curated assortment of mid-century modern coastal, industrial, scandy and boho designs make furniture shopping simple. article's team of designers are all about finding the perfect balance between style, quality and price and they're dedicated to thoughtful craftsmanship that stands to test the time and looks good doing it. Article offers fast affordable shipping across the US and Canada plus they won't leave you waiting around, you pick the delivery time and they'll send you updates every step of the way. This is very true and article's knowledgeable customer care team is there when you need them to make sure your experience is smooth and stress free. Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit article.com/crapins and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com/crapins for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash. We're back to tell you more about the latest Dash Pass annual plan benefit. Stream Max with ads included at no extra cost. You know what's a great night for us ordering DoorDash and cuddling up to watch the Max original hacks which won best comedy deservedly so and we'd love tuning in to see not only icon Gene Smart but the wonderful and incomparable Rose Abdu who also is a huge Bravo fan. Listen, I'm always in the mood for hacks, but you never know what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Sometimes it's pizza, sometimes it's a salad and I can get both with DoorDash. How about some ice cream? That's what I like to eat with my hacks. 100% I will double dash. I will get a salad and then double dash some ice cream. Why not? Stop for a Dash Pass annual plan and get Max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more. Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. Stream Max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See DoorDash.com/MaxForDetails Works because everybody does turn on Lisa. So I'm interested to see how Kyle's going to work this out because right now everybody hates Kyle so she somehow manages to turn the entire cast against Lisa this season. And you can see her working very, very hard at it from the very first scene of the first episode is all about how Lisa's mean and a bitch and blah, blah, blah. You know, once you've got the Chamber of Commerce behind you, you're pretty much, you know, you're just pretty much a bowling ball, just roll right through a wrecking ball, if you will. A wrecking ball. It's the shape of a bowling ball. Don't fuck with me, Vanderpump. I can park in a loading zone now. Bitch! So now speaking of Lisa and things of that note, why don't we talk about Vanderpump Rules? Are we discussing this wretched show? Yes, wretched. Well, we better because I watched it, I don't want to waste that hour of my cast. It's really the best hour of hate watching on TV. It's just from beginning to end, just vile, deplorable people, there's just no one to root for. Shes and you could almost root for Sheena because she was kind of bullied by Stasi out of the gate, but Sheena is just awful now also. There's just no one to not a single person, except for yourself. You just feel good about yourself. You feel so good about yourself, you really do, because you are not those people. Although I will say this, have you ever, have you guys interviewed, worked in a restaurant in L.A.? I have not, yes. Okay. Yes. That was a young chap. Yeah. But see, for me, it was like, oh, it's kind of like watching a really boring day at work when I was 24, like this is just taking me back to kind of a bad and essentially very uninteresting place, where nobody's really doing anything but fucking each other and getting mad and doing it again. Yeah. That's what it felt like to me. Yeah. So, let's see, the episode began, I don't remember what the episode began, but let's see. Let's go down through our character. So, she knows big thing is that she twisted an ankle, because she's wearing flip flops around a pool, and as we all know, she walks like a newborn fawn, so she looks like she just came out of a giraffe womb and she's stumbling around and it was inevitable that she's going to twist her ankle. I mean, the teeth coming out was only stage one of her perils. She's going to shed her skin. Yeah. You like coming out as a new homily girl from Azusa? Yeah. So, she's on crutches and, oh my god, Sheena shedded. And now she's Sheena again. It's a cycle. So, she was over at the Vanderpump household, hanging out with Pandora and Pandora, who, Pandora has an online magazine called The Divine Thing or The Divine Life, which we just have to imagine is probably one of the worst online magazines in the world, if the editorial staff includes Stasi and now Sheena. Right. What is the told in that? This is not basically the entire editorial staff, which is the funniest part. Yeah. It's like that. She's like, listen, if you don't write more articles for The Divine Life, I won't. I have had many other writers, some of which include Sheena. And then Vibal, she's like, Shanna, I would like you to write a comment about makeup. And then you look at Sheena's face, it looks like she just took a tray of like foundation of makeup and everything and just stuck her face in it. She just took her face and just plopped out. In fact, she maybe just like spread the makeup all over her pillow and went to sleep. And then what's on her face is the way she looks like in the morning after taking, going to sleep on a pillow made of makeup. Exactly. Exactly right. That's exactly right. I was, why was Stasi, like, what is wrong with Stasi and why does she ever get to keep a job? Yeah. Because she's like, really, if you talk to your bosses like that in real life, you get fired immediately. Like there's no, why does she get to like blow up a Pandora and be like, this is a joke. This is a joke. You're hiring. You're hiring Sheena. This is a joke. And Pandora is like, I might have to fire you if you continue to behave like that's like what world are we in, exactly as horrible. Well, I mean, in the world of online magazines, anything goes obviously, and yeah, especially when you don't pay, I love that part. She's like, well, then she should pay me. Yeah. And then you had a point then cut to her being like, listen, we're moving into the new offices this week. Bitch, you getting the offices? Are you kidding me for your website? Who have offices for their website? No, but. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. You ain't Yahoo. Shut up. Yeah. This website, because I'm going to go look at it. It's called like the divine life or the divine thing. Just like a Pandora and the divine something or another. I went to a once. It's not very good. I mean, listen, Stasi is one of the writers. I mean, maybe that maybe the quality will go up now that Sheena is on staff because as we all learned, she was a journalism major. So she's basically been a writer her whole life. She basically is the row. I look forward to it. She basically will be getting a Pulitzer. She's basically going to be at the White House press dinner. I was called the divine addiction. The divine addiction. Are you addicted yet? By the way, terrible name. If we can't even remember it, we're seeing the divine life. What's divine now? Lemon and raspberry vodka champagne cocktail. Pear and blackberry crumble. No, wait. No, no. That's not divine now. That's terrible. Terrible terrible. Is this all recipes? I think I'm on the wrong thing. But wait. Now there's something about nails. So that would be it. Stasi will be like up. If you want to make a nice nail, then what you do is you get some nail polish and you put it on your nails and then you blow on them and wait for them to dry. And you have that nail, signs yes, yes, yes, sheena. And then we'll talk about getting coffee cups to match your nail polish. That's divine now. Yeah. So obviously taste levels are not at the highest on the show. And case in point, it would be Jax, who at first you would think is moving in the right direction when he announces that he needs to get rid of his tribal tattoo. And you want to like clap for him and be like, yes, yes, that's as a model you should be doing that. Get rid of your awful tattoos. And it's like, so what I want to do is I want to cover it up with a koi fish. And I want it to be a black and white koi fish that will be swimming into colorful flowers. There's a lot of symbolism in there. Do we feel like maybe he should have consulted a divine addiction before that way moved on? Yes. Do we think it's a divine addiction would have improved the situation? I feel like the divine addiction could have at least told him not to get a koi fish, which would have been a step in the right direction. Yes. Because there's really only one way to make a tribal tattoo worse. And that is to morph it into a koi fish. That's it. The only way that said, everything else is an improvement. So does Jack think that he's just not going to ever meet a Jewish person again? And that's why he's typing stassy on his fucking arms. Is he crazy? Yeah. Who does that? He's, well, first of all, we know he's not a bright gentleman. Okay, so that explains a lot. We know he did not go to an accredited university. We know he did not have a journalism degree. We know he's not been basically a writer his whole life. He's not smart. He's not smart or a pop star or a cosmetic expert. He's, listen, here's the thing with Jack's. He's very, very dumb. Okay. He's the type that's going to get stassy tattooed on his, on his bicep. But you know what's going to happen is in 10 years from now, he's going to meet someone who might be a little bit smarter than he is. And they're going to actually think that he is a big fan of the secret police in Germany. They're going to say, Stossy, really? You really like the Stossy that much? Do you think they should be back? The last makeup article that I can find is from the 26th of July. Okay. And it's sexy, sweat-proof summer makeup routine. Summertime is the perfect excuse to lighten up your everyday makeup routine. When temperatures rise, wearing a full face of makeup not only becomes uncomfortable, it doesn't look fresh or chic. Oh my God. I like the perfect excuse, like, I really want to lighten up my makeup, but I have no good reason to. Oh, thank God, it's summer, I have an excuse. Only it was summer. Damn it. Back to the clown makeup. I need to have another. I'm going to Australia. It's summer down there. It's the perfect excuse. Well, I know I'm not supposed to wear flip-flops, but it was summertime, the perfect excuse for flip-flops. I know I'm not supposed to be putting people in Stossy's station at work, but it's summer time, the perfect excuse to see people in Stossy's station. My excuse. Well, it was really sunny outside, so I killed that Asian woman for her umbrella. I know it's smarter, but summertime is my excuse, it was so bright outside. Wait, so this whole thing with Stossy working for the divine addiction, which as we all know is a very coveted journalistic piece of employment, post once a quarter apparently. Very prestigious, it's like the week, right, or it's like the economist, you know? Like, if you get a gig writing for them, you know, you're set. So this really pissed off Stossy and we had one of our, I thought the great arguments of the week was Stossy storming up to Sheena and being like, "I need to talk to you outside." And Sheena being like, "Well, I'm unconscious, can we talk about it here?" And Stossy being like, "Well, I'm a professional and I don't like to have fights out here." Oh, so you want to fight and work, then that's on you, if you want to fight and work. Hey, she wants to fight and work, that's on her, right? What a great worker. You got time to lean, you got time to clean, bitch. And then Sheena's like, "Well, can I talk to you after work?" It's like, "Fine." Then you can think about what you want to talk, what you want to say. You can think about that. You can think about it. And she's like, "I don't even know what you're talking about." It was amazing that Stoss is like, "Okay, fine." Then if we're going to talk after work, then I want you to sit and I want you to think about every single thing you want to say, it's just like, "I'm listening here with a broken ankle." Which by the way, it was a bruise, but you have to talk about that too. She is clearly not, she's not, she's clearly does not have the medical beat in her, in the divine addiction. Well, I love that next week she shows up with glasses because she's having vision problems and Lisa's like, "Darling, first it's the foot, now it's your eyes. You need to stop being so needy for attention." Oh, thank God, finally, finally. Finally. God. She's like, "Well, when I broke off my teeth, when I'm the teeth went into my bloodstream and caused the bruise in my foot, and that made me scared and so I started closing my eyes a lot and now I can't open them anymore." So I have to wear oversized glasses that are for clowns. She's like, "I'm ugly, Mal, like ugly Betty, because I have glasses." So the other thing that I loved was Tom, who cheated on Orsey Face #1, and I see a table that she's always wanted. And by the way, just for the edification, for Jessica and some of her audience, we call the two atresses, Katie and Kristen. We call them Horseface #1 and Horseface #2. Oh, perfect. Perfect. It's not nice, but it's... It's perfect. But it gets the job done. Yeah. Like, it keeps us updated throughout the season. Yeah. And it paints a picture. Yeah, Horseface #1 has broken up with her boyfriend and then gotten back together because he fucks somebody in Vegas, which basically, if you're dating a waiter, don't ever let them go to Vegas because every waiter on the show fucks somebody in Vegas. Yes. Like, that's just... Yes. It doesn't necessarily happen to everybody in Vegas. Like, I know the commercials make it seem like that, but I usually spend time in the poker room next to really old, flabby, like, gross chain-smoking ladies and definitely never, ever get laid. Do you guys? You know what? I have actually never seen an attractive person in Vegas. I think I'm gonna... The only attractive person I ever saw, and this is gonna be a name drop, but I don't care was Tay Diggs. I saw Tay Diggs at a bar, and that was the only attractive person, and he had... He was an import from LA, basically. Yeah. That's what you're saying. That's a good sign. Mm-hmm. It's a good sign. Well, waiters, you know, and then even decent looking waiters, apparently, get fucked in Vegas. And they know the place is to go, you guys. So anyway, she's still mad, but to win her back, he's bought this table from Ikea that she's always wanted. Well, we don't know that he bought it. He might have used her credit card, but the basic point is whoever bought it, he is putting it together for her, and she's like, "Oh, well, yeah, then I'll basically be shining armor that sprains her in Vegas if I have this Ikea coffee table." The nights who arrived with a tiny little Allen wrench, that's what a girl's always dreamed of. I will also say that I am tired of that storyline already, and we're only at what two episodes, and now I'm already tired of hearing Kristin say, "Oh, you think that's gonna make up for him fucking someone in Vegas? You think that's gonna make up for it? Like I'm sick of it already." Well, you know, here's the thing. You're accept the apology and move forward, and love him for the man that he is, or kick him to the curb, but don't hold it over him over. It's ridiculous. Have some self-respect. If this guy chewed on you and it pisses you off, don't stay with him. Find someone else. But if you are gonna stay with him, then just understand that it was a dark zone, a dark time, and that you're gonna try to work to make things better. Well, this dumb-dumb is learning from season one where it was all about Stasi because Stasi broke up with Jacks because he cheated on her with some Hagram Vegas, just like this one. And so this season, she's doing the exact same thing where she's gonna make the whole season about her breaking up with Tom. It's like, "Horse, listen, this has already happened. Do you understand?" Like, it's already happened with other characters on the same show. You don't get to just come back as Stasi this year, because you're afraid that people are gonna call you a boring horse face. You're still boring horse face, and you need to come up with your own damn storylines, hooker. Come on now. Think for yourself. Go run over a homeless person and try and hide it, or like, you know, get a pension for shoplifting or, you know, get an alcohol addiction. I mean, Jesus Christ, get your own storyline. Get an attack dog or something, anything, anything. Get a deadly disease. I mean, come on. And if you are gonna go down this route, try not to have your major story beats revolve around building a coffee table, okay, try to have some sort of, like, fight, have some sort of, like, shirts coming off, fisticuffs, drunkenness, drunk driving as a result of the fight. But if it comes down to just who can build the best beer stuck table, no, we're not gonna, especially also, it's kind of hilarious that this guy struggled for hours and hours to build this table, because, you know, I know Ikea stuff can be confusing, but anyone can build it. It's not that confusing. Right. It's not that. No, it's not that confusing. And I think that she, I believe that she actually did come back and build it in, like, a couple of minutes. I believe that. I believe that. Yeah. Yeah. She, she, I feel like she has a, she's got, she's good with her hands. She knows how to build things. She does. Yeah. Now the other Tom, which is Tom Schwartz, is this cute guy who's been sort of on the, on the periphery, the past season or so. And he's dating Katie and he came in for a job interview to, to be a bartender at Sir. And what I loved was the explanation for it, Katie, you know, Katie and, and Tom are getting serious and there's been talk of marriage and he really wants to have a more stable job. And I'm thinking myself, since when does working as a bartender ever qualify as a stable job? I have never known a single bartender that's lasted a job more than like six weeks, maybe three, maybe three months at max. Max. I don't see like, oh, we want to start a family. So he's getting a job as a bartender. Well, I think he's just trying to get moved up to regular status because if you're a regular, then you actually get a paycheck for being on the show. And if you're just someone's boyfriend, he probably gets like, you know, $5 in a case of beer or something. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know how those bravo people pay. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Not a damn thing. I did appreciate that he was so attracted to Lisa. Did we believe that? I don't know. I mean, she is like a fox. Yeah. And I also thought he acted wildly inappropriate for a job interview. I thought he was like a little too overly familiar. He should have bowed down a little bit more. So I'm showing some more genuine flexion. Agreed. He was too, he was like a little on the giggling side. Yeah. I think he was just too nice. He needs to walk in and be like, listen, bitch, this is how I'm going to do it. And then she'll be like, what a horrible person. Let's hire him. She'll be like, oh, what a horrible person. But you know what? He's very good at what he does. So we're going to hire him. Yes. What I just said is if being like a waiter is this like there's like a limited pool of good waiters in Los Angeles, like God forbid she fires Jack's and saucy that, you know, she will ever be able to fill those shoes again. There's no. Yeah, there's no. There's a critical wait staff shortage here. This is a city where it's just it's damn near impossible to find a waiter. Everyone wants nine to five jobs in this every single person. What we have is too many, too many nurses and not enough waiters. Yeah. And if only there were more people that want to be actors or models who wanted a flexible schedule that think of audition, if only, if only Lisa Vanderpint can find those people. Can only tell you how many times I've been to bars and seen underperforming bartenders. Well, actually that is true too. Well, yeah, that is. Yeah. That's fair. So speaking of Jack and saucy, one of the reasons why he got the tattoo was because he's trying to win her back. And part of doing that is that he decided to take her out to dinner. He said it was a date. She said it was just dinner. So before they went out to dinner, he had like a primping session with Tom Sandoval at his apartment. And I think one of my favorite parts was that, you know, he put on this one shirt and his tattoo sort of like bled and stained it very quickly. And he's like, ah, my Dolce and Gabbana custom shirt done. And then Tom goes, does that mean it went through customs? But it was even worse. It's even worse is that Jack says no. It means the guy at the store helped me buy it. So they're both completely wrong on what it means to have a custom shirt. A custom shirt does not mean that it actually went through customs, nor does it mean that you had a custom made experience of seeking it out in the store. You had an experience with the sales associate. This guy helped me out. It's a custom shirt. They directed a tummy. It's like it was made for me. It's right off the bat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was into that primping session too. I was into the part. I was into when Tom asked Jack if he was going to bust out the flat iron. I liked that. I liked when he, I liked the the shoe selection process, the vest selection process. Oh, yeah. Everything about that. Yeah. The vest was a great choice. The vest was a strong choice. I also enjoyed that before they went into that closet, they acted as if like, like, okay, this is going to be like a two hour like situation like they're like, okay, let's like, we got to get to this. It's right now. And he's like, I was like, okay, I'm going to wear a white shirt with a douchey vest. And here's some shoes. Bam. Bam. I'm like, this is probably really weird. Good thing you came over for this. Yeah. I also, by the way, I am not loving the beard on Jack's. I feel like it makes him look shaggy and it's not like a full beard. It's just like a sad beard. It's not doing him any favors. You know, I'm going to agree to disagree with you on that. Really? Yeah. I am a fan of the beard. I am actually a fan. Really? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. There's just something about his face. It's looking so weathered and worn out. It's like he's not as hot as he used to be to me. He does. He does look like he went out. Yeah. That's true. That's true. That's true. The voice of reason. Drug and alcohol addiction does wonders on your face, y'all. Yeah. Nothing does. Excellent things for the skin. Yeah. You can't put a, you can't put a koi tattoo over that. Okay. Yeah. Exactly. Hittiest koi tattoo that looks like a mermaid at a milkshake shop. That's basically what it looks like. You just see a lot of scales and like a lot of like clouds. It's a mermaid at a shake shop. I hate this show so much. You know what I'm writing right now? I hate over and over on my little sketch board. Okay. I've got crosses and pentagrams and then I've got like faces and big boobs and now I'm writing hate, hate, hate over and over. So if I do die, someone please come rip this page out of my notebook so my poor me mod doesn't think I've been worshipping Satan and goes. Okay. Well, let's wrap up this show quickly which is basically that Jax and Stossie went on their date finally and Jax like bagged and bagged and bagged and Stossie, Stossie to her credit did not take him back and I think she shouldn't and she said, listen, I can't take you back because I think you're a liar. I don't, I can't trust you and then he's like, but I'm so in love with you and her response very modestly was to say, sorry I'm trustworthy and it's easy to fall in love with me. Jessica, how many times have you had to tell people that? You know, if I had, if I had a dime for every time I had to say that, I'd be a rich woman. That's it. Yeah. I mean, that's the whole thing. You know, when you're, when you're trustworthy and it's so easy to fall in love with you, it just becomes, it's a problem for everybody. I can't tell you. And you know, when I look at Stossie, the first thing I think of is so easy to do. It's easy to fall in love with her. With the permanent bitch face and who, what it's a face that anybody would love immediately. The air of entitlement is, it's just, you know what, it's what I look for in my future mate. Mm-hmm, exactly. I love that she's working at the blog to really make her way in fashion. She's like, you know, this way, I'm not just a waiter, I'm also involved in the fashion industry. Yeah. I can, I can say as a blogger, that's a great way to make you feel shitty about yourself because you'll be blogging and you'll be happy and then you'll realize, I'm at the fringe of everything in life and I'm just, and I'm writing a blog about it. Yeah, guys. We are in the television industry. I don't know. We're also in the broadcasting industry, the radio industry. And we blog to make ourselves more, you know, to give ourselves experience in those industries. Yes. Yeah, totally. This is equal to writing cheers. Yeah. What we just did. I guess the whole episode ended with Jax having a real-world Seattle moment, if you guys remember, him like crying in the car and basically saying how much he loves Stasi and then they pull over and she gets out of the car and he's like, would you close the door? Would you close the door? Would you close the door? Would you close the door? Then she'd close the door. He's like, why'd you close the door? And it was on that brilliant moment of logic that the episode ended. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, Vanderpump. Well, okay. Let's make some predictions for this year of Vanderpump Rules. I predict that Lisa will get anal warts and blame Jax for sitting on the toilet. Yes. Mm-hmm. And I predict that horseface number two will cut herself after seeing her boyfriend look at a real blonde. Yeah. And I predict Stasi will be killed by Jewish people. Mm-hmm. I think it sounds very accurate to me. Mark. Yeah. Yeah. Very accurate. All right, let's move on. Because this show hurts my heart. Okay. Let's go to Atlanta. What do we have to say about Atlanta? My heart sings. Oh. When it happened. Oh, yeah. It was really good. Yeah. It was really good. Favorite line on the-- favorite line on Atlanta? She has a small head. [LAUGHTER] Horse had her new wig. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Small range. Horse has got a new wig. She has a small head. She does. You know, she really does have a small head. The other good part was when Cynthia is like, yeah, you better talk over there, Porsche with your little wig. [LAUGHTER] Atlanta might have been the best one of the weekend. I'm not usually a big Atlanta watcher, but I really enjoyed that. I really enjoyed it. That show is hilarious. And we got to see another Porsche fight when all the ladies finally got together this week for whatever stupid fighting and basically Kenya Moore does the Adriana. She went to the Adriana School of Fighting where she just denies everything. Everyone just missed her. She never said that she was getting inappropriate text from anybody. Oh, come on, guys. Stop taking everything so seriously. And then Porsche went on her, well, listen here. I am going to a divorce. So here and back, I'm a woman, I'm a strong woman, I'm going to walk out of this house. I'm going to walk out of the street because I don't want it. God, we're bad. Woman, shut up. Woman. I know. Oh my goodness. I actually can't remember very much from the episode, but I remember I really, really enjoyed it. But I watched it late on Sunday night and then I fell asleep right afterwards and I kind of wiped my brain clean. I remember-- oh, there was-- He's going to pack my bags. Yeah. He's going to pack my bags. Gay people. That's who. Like who? Oh. Yeah. And then I really do enjoy this Cordell storyline because he really does seem like a huge, huge asshole. And I love-- I love Porsche's mom. Posting on our Facebook page, this is on the post by others if you guys could look for this-- wherever this is posted, but it was awesome. It's a Cordell interview because, of course, last week Porsche insinuated on national television that he dumped her because he's gay. So he comes out to stand up for himself in an interview and, oh my god, this guy-- listen. If you can't talk, have your lawyer prepare something for you, read it to you because his uneducated ass probably can't read either. This is the dumbest man. I couldn't even understand one sentence he was trying to say on this thing. He's like, yeah, well, you know, she'll go on that to you. She don't do one. I tell her. No. No. I was like, what? What do you do? Yeah. And then-- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm like, what do you-- Mm-hmm. He has not said one sentence yet. What is he saying? Is he gay or not? And he's like, well, I'll tell you about this gay business. Porsche, I tell Porsche, you come home. She say, no, go home, they're home, change lock, no, oh, Porsche, that's why. I'm like, what the fuck? Please stop asking corall things. Just throw the ball. He's a very dumb, closeted gay man. That's basically what the situation is. But Porsche has a new wig. So she's fine. Yeah, no. She's a new wig, new life. And I love her mom. I love-- I love-- I did not want this for you. I said I saw her and I saw him in the way to you. I did not want this for my daughters. Yeah, this was a week of the mothers. Because then we finally got some mama Joyce, too, explaining why she doesn't like Todd and wow. So basically, mama Joyce admitted to the world that she doesn't like Todd, because if candy chokes on a chicken bone and Todd is in charge of her money, he's not going to give any to mama Joyce. What the fuck kind of thing is that to say? And to just come right out with that. That's the reason that you're upset. Don't even sugar coat it or pretend that it's about anything else. Just come right out and say, because if you die, he's going to take this house for me. And that's what I'm worried about. That's the way that-- It's so awful. And then on top of that one, she's like, well, you know, Riley doesn't like Todd. You know, it's like, oh, now you're turning the poor kid against Todd. It's actually pretty vile. That was a low blow. That was, in fact, to quote Miami below the belt. That was below the belt. She actually went there. Unlike Joanna, who really threatened to go there. She went there. She did. She actually did. That's right. She didn't even bother with, oh, I'll say it. I'll say it. She just said it. She just said it in that big, empty room. Now, Jessica, since you're pretty new to this podcast, this is around the time when I attempt to do an impersonation of Candy Burris. But I famously am really bad at doing a Candy Burris impersonation. So we're going to try it right now. But, Ronny, why don't we do a conversation between Joyce and Candy Burris? OK. All right. Well, Candy, you know, I've got-- wait, hold on. I've got the porches still in mind. Yeah, that was very important. I thought I was like, well, welcome over, Candy. Now, look what I'm doing to this living room. Now, I'm going to have to give me a half-flippin' here, Candy. See, the way I saw the house last time, there was a furniture in it. See, Riley liked the furniture. But, mama, you got to do some of their furniture. Well, now, I'll tell you about the furniture, Candy. Now, I was thinking about getting some furniture. But I know you spending all your money on that man, that man who doesn't have a job, that man who has no purpose in this life, except to spend your money, Candy. Where your money, Candy? Now, mama, you always think of everyone of my guys. You don't like any of my guys. You always listen to the people in the streets. Not most of your boyfriend's growing up only had one hand, because one hand has always been in your purse, Candy. And that's why I think that you support these men. What about me? You know what I did for you? I let somebody stick something in me until you grew into a bowling ball size turkey baby. Then I squatted down with my stomach hurt, and you popped out. And my whole life, I taught you scales, Candy. My whole life! And you become a musician and take my money, Candy. That is wrong, Candy. That is wrong, Candy. See, now, mama, I suppose to ride it. And the thing is that I got a ring, OK? And this is a ring that I want. And see, when you say that, it's like I wanted this ring. I wanted this ring. I wanted this ring. This is a ring that I have. Ugly, ugliest, they mix all their sperm together, found the ugliest throw on the block, put it inside of her, and left it up to nature to give them the ugliest baby possible. And that was that ring that you brought on your finger, Candy. That is wrong, Candy. Mom, mom, I saw the ring in the window, and I chose it. See, Riley, I was like, Riley, you like the ring, and she's like, yes. And so when you don't like the ring, it's like, you don't like me, mama. Yo, daughter has a weight problem, because she is so depressed, with her mama's money going to show it, man, Candy. Why did you throw a man with a job? I don't care if he's a police officer, Candy. I did. I didn't hear the police officer. You know what he did? He was an asshole, mama. But he makes up an inch, and if you choke on the lollipop, Todd makes more police officers, mama. Riley likes Todd. He makes more police officers, mama. Candy, get out of my house. This is my house, mama. And I'm going to go eat five chicken bones right now and see what happens. Yeah, that was a pretty hard thing to watch, because she really loves her mom so much, and that she's been supporting her mom for this long, and her mom's turning on her, because she's greedy. Oh, that's OK. I know. It's ugly. It's ugly. It's real ugly. It's like a bad fibrosis fibroid. It's like a melitoma, you guys. It's like, yeah. I'm sorry I'm not a health journalist like Sheena, so I can't really provide good examples. I just know-- all I know about medicine is what I see on Bravo. So I know a lot about plastic surgery and now Lyme disease, and the occasional tidbit from marriage to medicine, and now fibroids. Yeah, and I know that a bruised foot is a broken and sprained foot. And will turn you blind. Blind, yeah. Yeah, it's very dangerous. So other things that happen on ATL, Nimi tried to start some fight with Kenya, but Kenya knows not to go there. So that was pretty uneventful. And it was just mostly Kenya lying portions, insisting her husband is in fucking half the town. Oh, and Peter. Oh, God. Peter works. Baby. I missed a lot of money into a new mall. What was this deal this week? Where'd he lose their money now? Oh, I don't even remember where he lost her money. I mean, it's next week. This week was just about her fibroids. You know the good thing about this show, this one that we're doing, not that we're talking about, but we get to really be horrible people on this show, because I don't know anybody who listens to this show like in real life, you know? It's not like my mom's going to call me and be like, I heard that you made fun of a fat child on your show today, Rondo. Congratulations. Like we can just be horrible people. But as time passes, we're proved correct so many times that it doesn't even feel like being terrible anymore. It just feels like being like a truth justice warrior. Like this, with his stoned ass all the time, stoned, spending money, I told you in the beginning, he's a deadbeat, he's going to use all her damn money. Of course, that doesn't make me psychic, just a viewer of the show. But I've felt so much guilt. Like, you know, I don't know that guy. Maybe he's really trying and maybe just because he does, has a bunch of kids that he doesn't support now, doesn't mean that he's like a total loser. And maybe I'm being too harsh. No. Mm-mm. No. He's a total loser, like the fact that when she is meeting with a doctor about her condition, and he's seen there cracking up about their sex life, you know? And he's like cracking jokes. And I'm like, this poor woman, this is actually a very serious thing for her. And something that's troubling her. And the doctor's trying to be like, well, you know, when you have fibroids, one thing that's very common. And Peter-- I can't have sex with a lawyer. I'm not going to any sex. That was a terrible Peter impersonation. I can't do any impersonations on Atlantic Creek. That's like Peter, though, feels like, whoa. He's like, fuck like a boss. Got hit in the face too many times. Oh, you're good. I can't get any sex. Yeah, doc, you know what I'm talking about. I ain't getting nothing right. You're a doc. I'm like, excuse me, this is about her fibroids and not your frickin' blue balls. Right. 'Cause I'm not for the canister. Right. 'Cause the thick bitch ain't touching it. And just the fact that she's obviously been saying to him the entire time, like, oh, we're not having sex because of my fibroids. And he's probably been like, yeah, no, no, no, no. And then as soon as the doctor said that he's like, oh, OK. Yeah, I thought it was actually just so insulting. I thought it's so cute. It's that doctor, 'cause she don't want to have sex with me, doc, dude. The doctor's like, it's already awkward enough that I have a camera in here. The doctor's like, please take out your teeth guard. Why are you talking? Yeah. Can you stop speaking through with me a lot today? OK. OK. But yeah, he was pretty gross. And oh, and he's like, I was wondering why she got fat, doctor. And you know what turns out? 'Cause she got sickness. And she's like, stop calling me fat, Peter. You know, I'm sick. And he's like, just stop being so much. Oh, my God. He's just like a really low light. I can't control it. You can control it. You can control it. [LAUGHTER] It's just the worst. But you tell those five boys to stop. You just say stop. You know, living in LA, you meet so many dumb girls who are dating hot guys. And they just let them treat them like crap, because they're like, well, they're hot, A. And B, maybe it'll be famous one day, because they're so hot. And you almost understand them, because it seems like they're making an effort in their career. But when you see a woman married to an ugly guy with no money and he still treats her like crap, I mean, come on now, guys. But I understand that we don't want to be broad burning feminists anymore. You've made that abundantly clear. But maybe you keep a little bit of it, a little bit of-- A little of the self-respect maybe, just a little bit of the old dignity. [INTERPOSING VOICES] It doesn't weigh anything. Keep a little bit inside of you. OK. Zero points, guys, zero points. Yes. Let's see what else happened. Wait, there was also this thing about AIDS, right? Oh, that was probably that big fight. When Kenya, at the reunion last year, told Phaedra, oh, you might want to get an AIDS test if you're sleeping with a man who's fresh out of jail. And then later, Kenya's like, I never said that he had AIDS. I never said that. So I like that she was merely just making a general public service announcement for people who might be having sex with people coming out of jail. She wasn't saying Apollo had AIDS or Phaedra AIDS. I mean, I can't believe anyone could even misinterpret that. Right. It was very thoughtful on her part, I thought. Yeah, it was. Doing the world of favor, really. She educated me. I was like, hey, everyone, who wants to have unprojected sex. And if you're coming out of a state penitentiary, even better. And now I know, now I'm like, wait a second. I should get an AIDS test, or that guy should get an AIDS test first. I should get an AIDS test. And then I can have unprojected sex with that guy coming out of the penitentiary. Yeah, that's what I've learned from Kenya. She really teaches a lot of things. I learned a lot. I learned a lot. I learned so much from her. I learned everything from her, almost. So next week, we get to see Kenya solving because her house is repossessed. Oh my god, I cannot wait. And I love that Kenya is making this big victim storyline for herself, that she's going to be homeless, and that she's going to be displaced. Hey, you fucking rent, bitch. Really, let the storyline come on. The lady on the hour for you has Lyme disease. And on this show, someone just got left by their husband, and someone's show got canceled, and someone else got told they had AIDS. And you're sending your friend about not paying your rent. Shut up, Kenya. But I love that she clearly hired some people from Applebee's to come and pretend to be paparazzi, walking out of her fake court date. And she walks out like, well, well, well, that's that. We won. How great. And it's like, oh, Miss Moore, Miss Moore! It's like, do you want a blooming onion? I mean, are you happy with your pissed verdict? She's like, oh, I'm not surprised. The people in paparazzi people, because they're like, Miss Moore, Miss Moore! And they're like, standing there with a plate of rubber desserts. Only one of them, they were like two cameras, and one person had a piece of paper taking down notes as if that's what journalists do any more these days. It's like, where is the recorder? They just take their iPhones out there now. And she's held a little press conference. She's like, I'm just really happy that justice finally prevailed. And the American way still lives up. Something like that. Really happy about that. And everyone, remember to get your AIDS test. Just saying. If your name is Phaedra, you're at high risk. It's public service. Especially if your partner is just getting out of jail. You're welcome. The more you know, by Kenyon Moore. So what happened, Alf, on that show? Shall we move on to another show? Let's do Shah's very quickly, since we are going very long. And it was like a week ago. This is a song podcast! It's a song! How fun is that? Like, I'm Reza. I'm Reza. So wait, question, Jessica. I know you weren't able to see Shah's. Have you ever seen it before? I have seen it, yeah. Yeah, I have. Yeah, so you know the world of the Persian world and Shah's a sunset? It is pretty-- yeah, it is pretty outstanding world to watch, actually. It is a world. It is a world. So real quickly, the big thing that happened this episode was that Lily, our good friend Lily, who, you know, as we all remember. I'm Lily Gondic, and I'm having a party. And it's only a certain number of people. Can I actually sit here, going fit any people on my house? So that's my little impersonation. In case there's any confusion. She had a party, and MJ didn't RSVP to the last second. And Reza had weird panic attacks of MJ showing up and being turned away. What did you think about that, Ronda? Did you think that was all bullshit? I think here we are again, you know. He gets in a fight, calls someone a drug addict on national TV, doesn't speak to her for three months, and suddenly now that the cameras are on, he's concerned about her feelings right before a party. Really? Fuck off. Unless that's some bullshit and they really have been hanging out this whole time and are just fighting for TV's sake, then OK. But I doubt it. You know, I don't know. Aren't they supposed to be real friends? I don't know. I thought he was a total asshole to her on the latest reunion. And I thought it was suspicious that he's suddenly was turning back and now that the cameras are rolling. That being said, she should have RSVP'd earlier. I actually was on Lilly's side. You can't have a sit down dinner with 120 people. And then the day before, it'd be like, oh yeah, I'm going to come. But then again, Lilly could have also followed up and been like, hey, are you coming to the gym? MJ and Lilly hate each other. So I'm sure-- I mean, I was surprised that MJ was even going. But like, yeah, RSVPing to an E-Vite is like the easiest fucking thing in the world to do. Yeah, that's true, too. But someone left an article, again, on our Facebook about this party saying it was really lame. And they had dinner, but then there wasn't enough booze to have the after party. And that there was no music. There was no band. There was just everybody standing around in the living room feeling really awkward, and so everybody left. They probably weren't allowed to have music because it makes it more difficult to record the show. No, or Lilly's is a cheap bitch, and Mohamed will only pay for so much. I mean, here's Mohamed, again, in the fucking Mohamed's house. He of the Joanna Smells Stinky is here now appearing on yet another Bravo show. Yes, with a lot of stinky vaginas. He's going to have some major stories to tell after this cast leaves. And I love how they were acting like this is the classiest party of all time. Granted, people wore a shirt and tie, which never happens in LA. But when that tranny walked up with boobs hanging out, I'm like, this is not a special party right now. This is just a tragic Persian mess. Yes, pretty much. Everybody is patient prom. Everybody you want to come to the Persian prom, I don't know what that means, but I win. My friends are so hot. There's like one of them's hot, and the other one's hot. And the other one's hottest, and then the other one's hot, makansma, and then the other one's mahat makanti. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. That's my place. That might be used for my friends being so hot. Yeah, so basically that's-- oh, Jessica, of note, Mike, the Jewish guy of the cast is getting hit. I guess-- I don't know if they're engaged, but she's Italian, and she's going to convert for him. So that's a story there. Interesting. Yes, so-- Interesting. That's what's happening in the Jewish-- the Jewish Persian world of Shazza sunset. On the Jewish front, there's a conversion that's happened. There's an update on the Jewish front. This is just a way to bring a full circle back to the Hitler joke to the top of the podcast. Well, we can't-- right, exactly. We can't be out of loop on what's happening in the Jewish circle, not on this podcast. No, we need to know who's being-- we need to know who's converting and why. We always need to know. At all times, we have a running tally of gois who are becoming Jews in better schools. We have to call our mothers every night and tell them. There's another one. I'm so sorry. I'm like passively, aggressively ruining this conversation with my fake cops. No, it's OK. I was thinking this thing. You know, let's check in with Facebook real quick. That's-- You'll see one last Facebook check before we end this thing. So Kimberly Chick-Bom just posted-- actually, a bunch of people are posting this now. But Chick-Bom just posted Caroline, baby, Caroline. My baby is engaged. Oh, yeah. It looks like Vito and Lauren will be making lots of egg salad. You know, good for Lauren Manza. Recognizing that one in the hand is worth two or three or four in the bush, because that's basically what she was doing. She was like, I've got a new body now, and I want to see if I can trade up for something better. And I think she realized, you know what? I got a big old fat guy who makes me mozzarella in the kitchen sink. I'm going to keep him. Did she break up with him briefly? Are we in a haunted house? Did anyone just hear that? It is Lauren. She's sick of our shit. She's died and kind of killed us. I thought it was Carlton walking in with her coven. Caroline Manzo, the problem with becoming sin is you realize that you have blamed your fat for way too much. And by that, I mean, you get thin and you're like, wait, but I thought no one liked me because I was fat. And then you realize, you're just an asshole. And listen, I've been there a million times, and that's why I just keep getting fat again, because I lose weight. And I'm like, wait, this was supposed to solve a lot more. Guess what? Just grab onto Vito, hold him like a big hairy security blanket and keep that man forever. Good for her. And you know what? And you know what? Just remember, soon it'll be summer and you'll have the perfect excuse to marry Vito. Homegirl Lily is a bitch. Brandy putting Joanna on blast. Don't watch what happens. We've already covered it all. There was a lot more on Shaw's, but it was a week away. We're going to have to figure out what to do with the Shaw situation, because it airs the day that we record. And it's too good of a show for us to not talk about. But, I don't know, there's a lot of stuff going on. We'll figure it out, people. Just bear with us. Yeah, because there's also Top Chef, which I mean, by the time this comes after, it's going to be an episode. I can't even talk about Top Chef at this point. Someone got kicked off. Someone made something. Someone else got kicked off. There was a tomato. There was a challenge with a tomato, I believe. And the other challenge was, I don't remember what the other challenge was. But I know that the quick fire had to do with a tomato. There's always a tomato. Yeah, this was like the Cajun tomato or the Creole tomato of some sort. And then they did something with John Besh. And everyone just made terrible food. And no one was happy with it. And someone went home. I forget who, I don't even remember who went home. Someone. But I love the show. Well, I love that show. And I love watching "Residget Fat." So those shows are both still watchable for me. And I think all the shows were pretty good this week. I just-- I made that mistake that I occasionally make, where during the week, I actually try and accomplish something, which is huge because you know, you can't like go live a full fun, exciting, rewarding life and watch eight hours of Bravo shows a week. Like, that's just not how life works. That's not why Bravo exists. It's not for healthy, well-adjusted people. No. So last night at about 10, I was like, oh shit, I better get caught up on all these shows. And then it was 4. And then it was 5. And then I had that family screaming at me. What you do to become a millionaire today? You a millionaire? You a millionaire? You just want you to be rich. I was like, oh Lord, I need to stop with this. We need to start doing a podcast about laying down. About current events. If you do a podcast about laying down, count me in. I have so much to say about that. You don't understand how hard it is to be laying on your back and staring at the ceiling all day long. All you're unknowing is like, I'm going to watch what crap is to talk about it. What are you doing? I'm laying down staring at the ceiling. Me too. It's an actual infection. Lime disease is in my brain. I lost my balls. I have to do puzzles to activate my brain. I have to go on the cleanse. By the way, that's the reason why your brain isn't working, because all your entire-- all your nutrition comes from lemon rinds and cinnamon. That's by the way, what's affecting your brain functioning is the fact that you ate at half an almond today. That's why you can't think. You haven't eaten a full meal since the Bush administration. Yeah, boss. But it's because I-- I don't know why I feel so badly. All right, well, let's wrap this bitch up, Benjamin. OK, let's-- another shampoo. OK, Jessica, thank you so much for coming on and enduring all our tech problems. And it all worked out at the end, because you sounded great at the end. And you were just a delight, as always. No, this was delightful for me. So thank you. Thank you. Anything you want to promote, any Twitter handles, or anything like that? Yeah, you can follow me @JessicaPauline if you are so inclined. I tweet amazing tweets on the daily. Absolutely. You should. Everyone should follow her. Jessica's great. I'm @bsideblog on Twitter and Instagram and Vine and all that fun stuff. And Ron is @trashtweetTV on Twitter and trashtalktv.com is his website and trashtalktv, I think, on Instagram. And you should absolutely follow our Facebook page, facebook.com/watchmorecrapins. We have over 2,000 likes. It's growing and growing and growing. A lot of people contribute. People post links. People post gossip. People just make fun of each other. They get into fights. It's hilarious. We actually did have a little fight two weeks ago. And I want you all to realize it was the funniest thing ever. So it's a lot of fun on our Facebook page. So if you want to see some drama. Yeah, come over to Trash Talk TV to and find the real housewives of Beverly Hills Recaps, because I'm getting them up the same night every night this year. So come on over. They're pretty funny. Yeah. All right, everyone. Thanks so much. And we'll talk to you next week. All right, good night. All right. See you. Bye. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, One of the funniest people out there. And I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore, because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Todine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag, keep climbing, hashtag savings. Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watch what Crap is, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcast. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey. In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her, and she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the debt to the internet is the kill list. A cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how it ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on The Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more exhibit see true crime shows like Morbid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out Exhibit C in The Wondery app for all your true crime listening.
