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Thank you so much for joining us. Ben is in Hawaii right now, taking a lot of underwater selfies. He's really up to the bar, and I feel like this weekend, with enough alcohol in my system for the 4th of July, I'm going to have to have a topless selfie to compete with Ben. Oh my gosh, you guys, do it. If you guys both put topless selfies, I will do you the favor of not putting a topless selfie. Will you caption us like you do some other amazing Instagram photos this past week? Yes, so my god, now I'm obsessed with Instagram. Every time we do this show, I'm obsessed with a new social media thing. I know, Vine, Instagram. Yeah, I'm like an old person. Instagram has been off the hook. The Despicable Me Matt brought up that one really made me laugh out loud. Oh nice, yeah, they were advertising Despicable Me under Tamara's picture, so they make it too easy. Yeah, they're doing the work for us, come on. Yeah, totally. But you can find my Instagram pictures, I'm usually doing them during these bravo shows as they go, and Big Brother, and then making just gossip videos and stuff. So that is Trash Talk TV on Instagram, or you can find my site, TrashTalkTV.com. Matt Whitfield is @lifeonleamlist pretty much across the board on Twitter, on Instagram, on Vine I think even. And Lisa, you can find @TimonsLisa, or you can find her on her and Ben's Facebook page for their podcast, Prancer with Ben and Lisa. I'm not going to lie, the last episode of Ben and Lisa was kind of amazing. I wonder why. Oh, your little guest star Matt Whitfield. Special ingredients have been added lately with some very special guest stars for very special episodes. Yeah, I did not like that I blatantly said on this podcast that I was offended that I wasn't invited to that podcast and still didn't get invited. Like, come on, what do I have to do? We're all such whores, we're all just sleeping around with each other's podcasts. We're really just doing the same podcast, but we keep naming it different things. Not very much. This is our different phone calls for people. So, what about these bravo shows, yeah, let's start with Real Housewives of Orange County, just because that's always the one that's the freshest in my mind. I think because it's making me laugh the most this season. Yeah, it's, I have to say there's New Jersey is so snoozing, snoozefest, that this is the only one I'm paying attention to. Although I have to say, I'm really, I don't understand how they're keeping this Alexis storyline alive. It's so boring. You realize that her ass is getting fired after this season. I think they've already made allusions to that on social media, but Alexis is a goner. Alexis is a goner. It's very obvious. I love that everyone's making nice with her. And she thinks it looks like she thinks like, yay, everything's going to be great now. It's just everyone kind of making their piece with her leaving. Yeah, exactly. Right. It's really like a sad goodbye, but she doesn't realize it, but they all know exactly what's happening. Yeah. Everybody brought me cut cakes today, taping, and I just don't know why, but I'm so, I'm certainly thankful for it. Thank you, Jesus. Yeah. Nobody thinks it's going to go live on a farm. I make my fan quieter and it almost jumped off my finger. Be careful. Just like Kara Sedgwick, who cut off the tip of her finger earlier this week. Really? She did? Yeah, she did. Oh, man. This is, this is the important should I do at my office every day. I hear things like, Kara Sedgwick cut off her finger and I need to report on him. Breaking news that yeah, who entertainment saving lives and tips of fingers. Yeah. So the Alexis thing is pretty sad and especially because she's actually giving us some decent lines. Like this week she did the whole making her own makeup. So she could be, she could be pretty on the inside again. And Welsh was saying that I think that could be wrong. Was she wearing a pink leather top? The giant bedazzled crucifix. And by leather you mean pleather, yes. Exactly. Let's be real. Vinyl. Vinyl. Wented. More Alexis. I'm so, Laurie has been a dream. She is ready to play ball. Her son is out of rehab. So now she can get back on the housewives without having to be distracted. I love it. Yeah, Laurie has basically brought a whole lot more life to this show. This whole episode was about Tamara going to the bridal shop to try on dresses which, you know what? It's your third time. Wear a pair of khakis and a white polo shirt and have no gifts on your invitations and give people twinkies. Okay. You know her family is one of those fucked up families that puts everybody in a white turtleneck or polo and khakis and makes them like pose on a sand dune. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Everyone's pointed in the same direction. Yeah, her fucking and then like rent and they rent like a golden retriever to sit in the front. Her 50 year old son. I hate those fucking families. Well, I don't know if you caught this. This is the first time I caught this where she made a big deal about going to the bridal store because she said that the other two weddings she was wearing maternity clothes, a maternity dress. Yeah, that was pretty hilarious. This is her first non shotgun wedding. And the only reason she's not pregnant right now is because those things don't work. Those ovaries don't work anymore. You know, they're like. And because Eddie's wiener also prefers man butt. Well, I wrote down a quote from the very top of the episode. She writes, you could pass as a gay man in a split second based on the quote unquote dancing. Yeah. And then they cut to the dancing and it's the gayest dancing I've ever seen. I mean, he might as well have had a penis inside of his butt to see what he was dancing. He may have for all we know. For all we know, he was definitely rocking a butt plug. Yeah. For all we know, Tamara has a gay man's ass. Can't get pregnant from behind, y'all can't get pregnant from behind behind. Did you just say no ass, baby's here? Yes. And if you'd like to make that a bumper sticker, I would not be opposed. Happy Fourth of July, y'all. So I love all of this committing to just overthrowing Gretchen. I think that that's hilarious and no one has picked up that Tamara does this every season to somebody and they're just all going along with it like it's something completely new. Every year she makes up with somebody and every year she throws them under the bus like just throws the last one under the bus and starts all over again. And this year's Gretchen and I really feel bad for Gretchen because I remember that scene where she got her little friendship bracelet and she was so shocked and then she really committed to this whole Tamara thing. She got rid of Alexis, I mean, she really got on board and now she's just on her way out. Oh, it's really funny and I feel like the producers just tell Tamara who to love and who to hate in a season and Tamara's like, all right, let the games begin. She essentially admitted that when she was on Watch What Happens earlier this season and she was like, well, look, Andy pays me a lot of money so I pretty much act like an evil bitch if that's what they want me to do, which means again, whatever they want, they tell Tamara she makes it happen. I mean, she actually takes notes surprisingly. You know, I think if Vicki is the OG housewife, but she's kind of the queen, but Tamara's the president because Tamara actually pulls all the fucking strings. Yeah. She pulls Vicki. I mean, she really does. She's a good puppet master. The queen doesn't do anything but sit there and get laughed at and not know why. Oh, my God, it's like she and she cannot say that nobody tried to warn her about Brooks like literally from the minute he showed up, everyone's like, he's terrible news. He's going to take your money. He's terrible news. He's going to take your money and she's like, guys, guess what? I just found out he's terrible news and he's trying to take my money like, yeah, no shit. Well, we're not even we're not even there yet. I mean, that just that came out in the news this week. So maybe that's coming up in the episodes, but for now she's still sticking up for Brooks, which is hilarious. And at the bridal store, Lori, who knows what it's like to be off the TV. Yeah, she knows what it's like to get fired from TV and have to live without cameras for a while. Are you suggesting that she's trying to make a full on play to become a full season member next season? Oh, hell yes. Oh, my God. Of course. I would love that. It would give Orange County new life because I'm so Alexis is so boring. The only time I want to see Alexis is in confessional where she's trying to speak like a grownup. Or in acting classes. Yes. Or as a news reporter, yes, Alexis, real things like you're a news reporter. You're an actress. You know, you're I think she should try and be a televangelist, honestly, she would be really good at it. She would be really good at it. She might be self. Yeah, she needs to be on the 700 club. They love that. Oh, my God, speaking of acting, how hilarious is Heather with her little getting cast in another role? Yes, to me, she's turning into the Tobias Fiumque in mate number two of the season. Okay, are we going to just talk about her before we get into this bridal shower thing because I fucking hate Heather is very she's another one who's getting really boring on me. Well, she's always been boring. Thank you, Ronnie. She's always been boring. And she sets it up every week by saying in her opening line, like, Oh, well, if you think blondes are blah, blah, you know, it's just like, Oh, my God, you think that's more fun. You obviously don't know me. You've obviously never been closet organizing with me opening your eyes really wide does not make you fun. It makes you creepy. Stop it. Stop doing that. Fucking trouble. At least she used to start fights though. Now it's just like boring. Yeah, she really she really has nothing going on and she tried to have a storyline which was fighting with her husband, which I'm sorry, but nobody cares. Please stop it. And nobody's going to take her side in that fight. Nobody. Nobody's going to take it. Your husband was the star of the Swan, one of the most disgusting reality shows ever. I can never respect you or your husband. So just fucking stop it. You're gross. You're both gross. He was also the plastic surgeon on bridal plastic. Ew. Which by the way, was a terrible show that I watched from start to end. Wait, so am I right that he was on the Swan or am I getting him on the Swan? No, you're absolutely right. Yes. You're right. That's Swan's blood. That's Swan's blood. That is a bunch of fat, homely lady blood all over that mansion. Oh, oh, I have a note that I wrote down at some point. Who taught Gretchen the word philandering? Oh, god. It sounds like a new dish at the fucking Long John Silver's. All you can eat, philandering. That's philandering Fridays. philandering. Exactly. She's flandering around. Oh, god. Gretchen. But, yeah, my prediction is Lori's definitely coming back. Lydia is a great little potster because she has no problem being like, hey, we're at the bridal store. So let's all just have a little area of those areas. She throws grenades. Yeah. In the middle of, like, tea time. Yeah. Yes. She's earning that check. For sure. Oh, so Lori, they all get to the bridal store. Tamara's trying on the most awkward dresses ever because a lot of them are, like, frontless. You know, they're those ones that just, like, attached to your level. Yeah, they're, they're all plunging, meaning they're called, I want to show my boobies. Yeah. You just don't. Just don't. Right. Like, let's just, you know, get a good water bra and let's just go with that. Your face is still working. Let's just stick with what we got, you know, dare I say, well, she, okay, here's the thing. It is a third marriage, but I got to say she looks kind of good. No, she looks good, but it's, I hate her, but she looks good. No, I agree. I feel like her makeup. Which is how I feel about all of West Hollywood. It's a real, it's a real love hate thing emphasis on hate, self hate. Yeah. Love to hate you naked, mean it. You know, she looks, she looks good for the most. I mean, like, everything looks good, just, I just don't want, I don't want any concentration on the boob area. It just doesn't look right. I know. Like, I don't know. Those, those things just didn't bounce for. I had, I feel terrible making fun of a woman's boobs because I feel like Slade. But just. No. Let's put them away is what I'm saying. No, you know what? The thing is, if they were real, I don't think we would be putting quite so much criticism on it. Do you guys, I read this article, well, I'll be honest, I read the national choir the other day. I think it was either the pop touch. My sister just had a baby. So I brought her trashy magazines and that new Anna Nicole Smith made for TV movie, the little actress was talking about how she has actually very small-chested and had to wear this prosthesis to make it look like she had giant boobs. That's what I feel like Tamara's cleavage looks like is she's wearing a breast prosthetic. Yes, it looks like a breast prosthetic, why are you trying to make a gay guy say that word? It's my speech impediment. So she's wearing a breast prosthetic that she left in the backseat of the car in the summer. Yeah. It doesn't look right. I mean, you can't go from real boobs to fake boobs. Wait, real boobs to fake boobs back to real boobs. Just stick with it. Once you've gone fake, keep them fake. Don't go back. It's like reversing of a sectomy. Don't go back. Just pick one. Yes. Slade. Yes. That goes for you. Slade. Gross. Yeah. Keep your sperm hidden. Disgusting. Disgusting man. He's the worst. Yeah. Keep your little sperm babies dead. I don't like any of that coming out of you. Okay. Did anything happen before we got to the bridal shop, except for Heather saying the word shamps at least 87 times? Oh my God. No. It was pretty slow. Heather, literally, the only conversation that Heather and Tamara had was about stomachs. Oh, no, that was Tamara and Eddie having their really boring lunch, where she just talked about a conversation she had with Heather about their stomachs. Oh, where he surprised her with takeout from Daphne's Greek cafe? Yeah, no, I make fun of them, but I was so jealous because I fucking love some Daphne's Greek cafe. Oh, did you notice? I noticed she had a wine goblet, where she was drinking with a giant bedazzled pink breast cancer awareness ribbon on the side of it. Oh my God. This breast cancer awareness tastes delicious. It does though. So all the girls get in the limo. It's kind of boring. Lori is there to stir some shit, but she's not really going yet. Well, no, no, no. We have to talk about this for one second, because Lori has been talking mad shit behind Vicky's back for the past three weeks on this show, where she's telling Gretchen about Vicky's one night stands and three psalms and the giant of hurling and Cabo and all this kind of stuff. And then she shows up with Vicky to get in the limo, like their buddies. Clearly, this is why I love Lori. She talks about mad shit behind her back. She talks about shit behind her back, but then she also has no problem saying it to her face in a really awkward time. And she dragged that shit out. I love that. She wouldn't have come out and say it like, I remember at one point, the amount of Vicky just blurted out. She was with him sexually. Like God damn it, just, did he fuck her? What the hell? Spill it. We'll spill it. Like Lori was torturing her. No, she wasn't with him in that way, per se, but they had breakfast. You're talking about how they had breakfast. It's going to be my new thing. If people ask me if I've like gone out with a dude or like spent the night somewhere, I'm just going to say we had breakfast and that should just suffice, you know. Just leave it at that. We had breakfast. Somebody buys me some vegetarian sausage the next morning. You know it was a good night. Well, Lori's daughter released a statement this week saying, you know, you people are too obsessed with reality TV. You need to get over yourselves. It's all fake and scripted. And my mother, I don't know what she was talking about. She wasn't talking about me. I do not know anybody in the adult entertainment industry. Leave us alone. Yeah. I love that mom was like outing her daughter and her daughter's friend. I love that Lori is just so comfortable. I mean, the orange county, this is how trashy that place is. Lori is just so comfortable being like, my daughter's friend is a whore. And they were hanging out at my house partying, drinking out of my liquor cabinet and sucking books off for hundreds hundreds of dollars while he made it rain. It's like, what the hell kind of house are you running, lady? Well, keep in mind, Lori is the same woman who the last time we saw her as a series regular. She was looking at her youngest daughter saying she's on it. Basically, she's my last hope for a child. I could truly love. Remember that actually, I think that was verbatim that might be a direct quote, watching her on the horse. Oh, my God. I was watching this movie with Nicole Kidman the other day, and I don't want to tell you guys what it was, so it's not spoiled because I'm going to tell you a part that happens towards the end. But Nicole Kidman tells her daughter, you know, when people have kids, and this is obviously not a quote that she basically says, you know, when you have kids, you do it because you're kind of giving up on life and life is beating you down so much that you think, gee, maybe I'll make somebody else who actually has a chance to do something at life. And then you have them, and then they just suck too, basically. Was this like every movie? What movie are we talking about? It's like this explains so much of my mother's son relationship. What movie? I need to rent this immediately. It sounds amazing. It's called Stoker. Oh, my God. Are you kidding that gothic piece of trash from earlier this year? It's good. Yeah, it's really good. It's terrible. I saw it. It was really, I mean, it was entertaining. I watched it at like three in the morning, a little bit stoned, but it was good. I mean, it was free. I watched it on the gel broken Apple TV, so I was like, yeah, I shouldn't throw stones. I watched in the middle of the night this week, Halle Berry in the call on your Facebook where she is wearing a wig and a time life receptionist headset, trying to save Abigail Breslin from being trapped in a trunk of a car. It is pure a mech gold. I'd like that you treated give back your Oscar. That was funny. Well, I remember her when she won the Razzies for Catwoman, she made this whole speech about how I'd want to thank my agent. I want to thank this. Hey, so who are you going to blame now? Because you haven't stopped making shitty movies for a long time, lady. She said she should blame that Olivier Martinez who's given her some little French dick and messing up her marriage with Gabrielle Aubrey, who has trey her. Isn't she trying to sue, isn't she one of the people trying to get a law passed against paparazzi? Shut up. Shut up. It's just shut up over there. Shut up terrible movies. She's going to be begging the paps to follow her soon. I know after the call. By the way, do you know who I think what production company or who produced that movie? No. It's a WWE film. You're actually correct about that at first, like it was their first movie not starring John Cena. You should have been. I would watch a movie about Halle Berry being a 911 operator having to rescue John Cena from a trunk. Okay. That's amazing. Well, no matter how terrible Halle Berry can be, she's always going to be better than Heather. Well, I love that Heather brings up her new show. People are actually calling her because she's a good actress. Someone just happened to be flipping around the internet and thought, "You know what? I like that Jenny McCarthy. I'm going to see if she was ever in anything and download it and watch it, watch the two episodes of it." I'm going to find that awkward, woodish girl who disappeared. Yeah. Who's a male at the work for scale? Yeah. Yeah. She's basically called to play housewives in every sitcom. They're like, "We need a trashy housewife." Let's ask everyone who's ever been a housewife if they'll do it basically for scale. And everyone says no to tell them. She can't wait to get away from her children. I mean, come on. Yeah. I know. For that. Bless them. Ugh, these ladies. Okay. Let's get our asses to the bridal shop because that's when it gets juice and that's all that really matters. Well, actually, before that we had Tamara wearing her gigantic wedding ring from Jeff into the limo. Oh, you mean Gretchen? Gretchen, yes. What did I say? Tamara? Tamara. So what's the deal with that? I kind of missed that part. Did she speak to that? Did she explain why she's wearing it? Is this supposed to be her de facto wedding ring from Slade? Oh, God. Maybe you know, she would have said it was from Jeff. She would have like scratched off Jeff, Jeff plus Gretchen on the back and like rebranded it with a sticker that says Slade or something. Oh, she'd be like Slade, we're chaming your name to Jeff. It's a lot cheaper after all that after you fucking leasing that new car for me asshole. Thanks for that. That was hilarious when they're riding in the limo and they tell Vicki about the Bentley and she's like, oh, put it, they rent it for two days. Vicki is on fire. Okay. Vicki drives me bonkers, but when Vicki goes after Gretchen, nothing makes me happier in this world. Oh, it is pretty funny. It's like boxing with an armless child. You can't do that. Yeah, yeah. Just leave her in the corner of corn and hope that she can catch it in her mouth. Tamara would box. Tamara would easily box an armless child. I don't. Yeah. It's true. At cut fitness. It's one of the it's actually one of the new classes at cut fitness, boxing armless children. Awesome. Are you are you smoking anything over there, sir? No. Ever since I quit smoking, I never got rid of my smoker's cough. I still cough. I still breathe hard when I walk around the block. Nothing really changed except now I don't get cigarette. So whoever whoever out there is considering quitting smoking, don't do it. Just keep smoking. It's a waste of time. You stay thinner. You're hungry less. You smell better. Excuse me. I hear that kids. You hear that. And by the way, if any children are listening to this podcast, you were a terrible parent driving your driving your minivan right now. I hope your children are, you know, wearing headphones in the back seat. No, you're thinking of it the wrong way. I think we should say parents, congratulations on accepting your gay child. Yeah. No kidding. Parents have really come a long way. Okay. So, yeah, let's go to the bridal shop. So they're in the bridal shop and Lori just starts a drop in dropping shit, ship bombs all over the place. Yeah. I mean, how staged was this whole thing? It's like, hammer is like, well, I'm going to take some dresses into the dressing room so that you girls can gab, go, you know, it's like, oh, Lord, but then I'll pull in Alexis with her bizarre fur stole that she doesn't need and kind of looks weird for that time of the end. It's in fucking California. So far, they, I love her. They were like very quickly like, Hey, Alexis or no, hey, Tamara. This is Alexis. I just wanted to thank you for sticking up for me and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just like Alexis going, I'm so glad that Tamara and I are good friends now. Oh, for Alexis. She really is a lamb being led to the slaughter. She, she, here's the thing. She actually believes it. And then then they cut to Tamara and you're just like, Oh my God, she's reading a cue card. Exactly. Well, I love when Tamara, I don't remember what part in the episode. Alexis is sorry if I'm going out of order, but I love when Tamara was turning everybody against Gretchen, calling her a big fat liar or whatever, when she goes, you guys, I've really opened up to Gretchen. Do you know how hard that is for me? And then it cuts to Tamara going, 21 is when I first tried to kill myself. And I just thought to myself, Tamara, you're not doing someone a favor by sitting them down and crying about trying to kill yourself when you were like, should have been in college or whatever. Exactly. She's like, I gave her the gift of telling her about my suicide in debt when I was in college. First of all, no, you didn't try to kill yourself because you were too busy trying to run people over with your car. I bet she drove. I'm just going to take a guess here. I bet she drove a teal Chrysler LeBaron convertible. Oh, that would have been some sexy shit. She was a sexy lady back then. Well, I bet that's Eddie's dream car. Well, I can't remember, was it this episode or another episode where Tamara basically was like, Eddie and I get along really well because we don't talk about feelings. She says that every episode. And then they always cut to her mom like in a corner crying, wearing like a gold pantsuit. I'd be crying if I was trapped in a gold pantsuit in the corner. Hello, they're just like, I try, I get that Tamara's trying to like rehabilitate herself with made up stories from the past. I get it like we've all been there, but I just feel like they need to be worse. Like if you're going to give yourself something like a horrible past, you need to have been like a child hooker. You need to have been like beat by your stepdad. You need to like, like you need some, like you need to maybe a terrorist was trying to get you in training camp and brainwalk, like something big, but saying like my mom is a baby. Howly very needed to rescue you from the trunk of a car. Exactly. But just saying like my mom, you know, my mom was distant. And so I was sad my whole life. You know what? Your mom was probably distant because you were a little bitch. Okay. She was probably wondering what the house you did with herself. So that's not a trauma anyway. Come up with something better. All you have to do is watch one episode of chop to come up with a decent story. I know. It's like you're white. Yeah. She was fucking distant. Yeah. Horace. Yes. Look at New Jersey. Yes. Look at New Jersey. They have the opposite part. Like everybody's fucking got problems. You know what that reminds me of was, I don't know if you guys saw this. This is a real, a real crazy blast from the past, but on the Tyra Banks show when, when the whole Rihanna and Chris Brown news broke, I remember Tyra was like doing an episode where she's like her big reveal was that she had been mildly verbally abused by a boyfriend for like a very brief period of time. That was her big bombshell. How many times did she have to emphasize that it was mild and for a very brief period of time, meaning maybe a text message? Exactly. She, she told, gave this whole story about she was looking in the mirror and crying and just saying, what is wrong with me? It's because she probably like, you know, this happens all the time. I read, um, instant messages, instant messages, wrong all the time. And I'm like, that was really curt. That was burp. And then, but then I'm going to take it to the level of actually that was, that was abusive. That was abusive. Because I didn't understand that you did not put an emoji at the end. Let's say Tamara's confession, aggression is like, I once received a text message that could have been interpreted as curt as it turned out. It was from somebody named Kurt. So stupid moment, guys, can we all make a date? When I get back to Los Angeles and cut fitness, finally opens that we are going to go to the trampoline park to 100% wineries, please, by the way, I don't know if you guys know, there's a new show or I don't know if it's new or not, a reality show called pregnant and dating and so bad, and I recognize the daughter from the yellow winery and it was at the yellow winery. So, see yellow winery is a reality show horror, which clearly means we now have to go there. We're going to order some wine by wives, get in an Uber and just take a long weekend and just do it all. And then podcasts like immediately. And podcasts while we are Ubering. Yes, just while we do it, we'll just record it on our phone and post it. It's not like anyone's used to any better quality than that anyway on these podcasts. I mean, I'm doing this from the shower today. If we can be honest, I'm actually on my phone right now, so. So that, are you? Yeah, I get better reception than if I try to use my laptop. Oh my God, that's such a good idea. I could be getting things done right now. I could be exercising. I could be making an effort in my life to better myself. Yeah, you could be working through all those issues since you got that Kurt text message. No, what did I do? You sound a little bit like mama Elsa there. I'm just letting it out. Madi Zori. So what else happened? So yeah, basically Lori was dropping shit bombs all over the place and we got to see Vicki have one of her first 50 fits of the season, which was awesome after finding out that Brooks has been sleeping with a 20 year old hooker. Yeah, the Brooks, her finally getting, understanding the true nature of Brooks. Brooks is my favorite part of the season. Why did it have to take one of her arch nemesis, Lori, to get that through to her? Her own daughter and son have been saying it for the past year and a half. Well, I don't even know if it got through to her yet because she was saying, well, you know, in his defense, we were dating other people, you know, we weren't exclusive at that point. It's like Vicki. It's not his money. Let's take the cheating on you part out of it for a second, 20 year old hooker, making a rain on a 24 year old or a 20 year old looker at Lori's house. Stop it. I have a question. I'm a sidebar here, but do straight men really make it rain onto girls? I have no idea. Well, I'm sure if I'm fucking podcasting from my phone, I have not figured that one out. You know, look, bro, this is, this is why I don't completely believe Lori. Lori just wants to get back on the show and be Brooks is not giving hundreds to anybody. Brooks doesn't have hundreds. Okay. Here's the thing. Vicki was crying. It was monopoly money. It was bright yellow was not crying because he was sleeping with younger women. Vicki was crying because he was using her own money to pay for younger women. Yes. Exactly. Vicki cares for about that money than anything else and you won't all know it. Don't mess with my family and don't mess with my money. But really, let's reverse that. Hooker insurance. Oh, my God. Cody D'Acaza has a new line of insurance hooker insurance hooker insurance by wives. The guy is writing the news stories on trash stock wants to have racism insurance because all these people are being taken down because of racism. It's like 10 people within a week have been just completely utterly taken down because of racism. We should start big at insurance and just get everybody to just in case you lose your career. For some of the N word or something, you're sitting in the N word when you were a girl scout. It's like the list. You guys will be the new Lloyd's of London. Okay, so let's see what else happened. Vicki cried. Is it horrible that when Vicki standing there sobbing, first of all, I could think of she's holding her nose so that it doesn't fall off. Like she literally was holding her finger under her nose to make sure that snot wasn't going everywhere because she can feel that part of her face. I was going to say she wasn't trying to even plug the snot. It was really like this is falling off is sliding down. Yeah. Well, it started off with their at a bridal store. Vicki was already kind of talking shit in her confessional about. Uh oh. Ronnie, this may sound funny to you, but after all these years of being an adult, I have never owned a bed. I have lived a box spring and bed frame lifestyle for years and years and years. And over the weekend, I finally got my very first bed and I got it from article, got a beautiful blue bed. And the people from article came, they delivered it and they brought it upstairs and they assembled it. I am the proud owner of a very beautiful, very comfortable brand new bed. Well, yeah, not only do they deliver really quality furniture, they put it together for you. 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Spend your days lying on some of the best beaches in the world under the sunniest skies in the Caribbean, and you'll see why this island is the number one guy in the group, in the best way. Get a beachside massage with locally grown aloe or adventure outdoors with a hike or a snorkel. No matter what you do in Aruba, you'll find happiness, that happy, relaxing feeling you find on Aruba Shores, that stays with you. There's no drama, it's just a sun-soaked white sand beach, crystal blue water escape that will leave you feeling jovani, baby! So save yourself the stress and headache of planning a vacation, and instead, book a rejuvenating trip at Aruba.com. Did this end? I'm actually, I'm at work, so I can't look at porn at work as much as I desperately want to. I am just uploading an Instagram photo selfie of myself complaining that Ben has gone taking underwater selfies in Hawaii, so we are so lucky to have Lisa joining us this week on the podcast. We were laughing at Miss Vicki, here's what I love about Vicki and this bridal situation. First, she, I hate to quote Gretchen, but she's such a fucking hypocrite, that's why I love her. She starts off in her confessional talking shit about how Tamara's going bridal dress shopping for her third wedding, and kind of poo-pooing it. The next thing out of her mouth is someone saying, "Oh, do you think you get married again?" And she was like, "Absolutely." Which would be her third wedding. Did you all see what she was wearing? Because that was hypocritical against her body sheep, because nobody should be wearing leather pants with a muffin top of that size. Well, I was too busy being distracted by the fact that her hair always looks like someone purposely fucks it up. It really does. It's just like she, you know what, she's very extravagant, except with conditioner. She puts her foot down when it comes to conditioner. Yeah, she's like, "I'll be saving, I'll be saving some nickels." White rain is as good as Pantene, don't let anybody tell you a different. I think that she's standing in front of the mirror trying to make her face look less crazy, because I mean, it looks crazy to us, and we have the benefit of being a few feet away from it. But you know, when you're standing right in front of the mirror, I think she's trying to cover certain parts of her face. Yeah. Like the front. Yes. The front. Like the front and both profiles, and yes, all of them. So I googled Alexis Bellino, because I was thinking, "Oh, maybe I'll put her on the cover of the podcast or whatever this week." Okay, this is Alexis Bellino Maxim, it's the first thing, like her big donkey booty, which I forgot all about. And then it says, "Alexis Bellino before," and it shows her before plastic surgery, which is she really ruined herself. Oh, I know. And it says, "But," and there's like a ton of pictures for "But," thank you. Thank you, Google. Thank you for everything that you've added to the world. You've added a lot. So thanks. I know. It's a better place now. Yeah. Okay, so what else happened on this? So after the dress shopping thing, Vicki had a breakdown, blah, blah, blah. She still didn't get mad at Laurie, which Laurie seemed totally perplexed by, because Vicki's crying, and then Laurie comes up and she's like, "Vicki, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up." Vicki's like, "No, no, I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad." She's like, "No, seriously. That whole thing about your boyfriend sleeping with a teenage hooker." "No, I'm not mad at you, but your boyfriend, how he slept with that hooker, remember when I told you that?" Right, but then Vicki snaps and goes, "But tell me her name." And then you see, they're in that front little section where they dress the mannequins, like in the window display, and then you clearly see Laurie whisper the hookers into Vicki's ear. It was so fucked up, the entire thing. Yet, you know, everything that Gretchen and Tamara do on this show just seems so fake, but Vicki is such a disaster that it just feels so real to me. It's so painfully real. Thank you, right. Yeah, you know, I do believe that a lot of it is scripted in a way. Like I believe that they say, "Okay, listen, everybody. This week we're shooting Tuesday and Wednesday, and on Wednesday, we're going to be going to this bridal shop in LA, so that's your shooting day." I mean, obviously that part scripted, but Vicki really does look genuinely shocked every time she's fucked. Like every-- She's not calculating. Like I feel like there's two types of housewives on there. The ones who are calculating and manipulative enough to play ball, which is Tamara, and then the ones who they know can't help but just overreact and be completely reactionary, which is Vicki. Yeah, totally. That's so true. She is like one of those windsock guys at the car dealership where the minute-- she just kind of-- whatever somebody throws at her, she just flaps in the breeze and reacts to it. She can't help it. Like she can't help not saying exactly what's on the-- going through her mind at any given point in time. Right, and that's why in every single episode she shrieks like Zebra being eaten by a crocodile. Exactly. Zebra does every frickin' high. And this time I thought, "Oh my God, Vicki's not yelling. I thought she was going to be ripping Lori a new one and she's not and then we see the clips for next week." "Oh my God, I cannot wait. I love that Tamara." No matter how hard Tamara says that she's trying to be a better person, she just can't do it. I mean, she's like, "Hey, Vix, just so you know on the top of this hill, like I don't want to ruin a vacation, but..." Lori told Gretchen that you were, "I'm like, she told her all this shit and it's gonna go down." And it's always like right before Vicki has to do something where she should be very serene. I know, right? It's like, Vicki, I know you're about to perform surgery on somebody and remove a brain tumor, but I have to tell you, Brooks showed me his penis. Okay, I'll see you in about a couple hours. Good luck with that. Good luck. Well, all the Swinger stuff is really hilarious to me because I remember it because it's hard to think of Vicki like that for me, but I remember being a kid and finding porn in my friend's dad's closet and we were looking through it and they used to have like this back section in the old porno magazines for like Swingers. It was like ads for Swingers. Okay, look, here's my theory about infomercials and ads in the back of dirty magazines. They wouldn't exist if people didn't fucking call those numbers. Well, the thing is they weren't like ads like a commercial, like, hey, Swingers, it was like wanted ads. It was like, you know, it was crackless and misconnection. Yes, it was like that, but like in on actual paper because, you know, it's back in the old days, kids. So this one of them say like, Hey, I saw you wearing a cowboy hat and drinking a corona light out of a koozy on a pontoon and like Havasu. You caught my eye with your saggy ass hanging out of your bikini bottom. Give me a ring. Hotty. They say like me and Martha like each other, but we like you too. And then it's like a picture of like some fat guy with a mustache and hair coming out of his ears and like his wife with her boobs hitting her knees and like freckles all over her neck, you know, like they really look like the cast of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I feel like the tagline for the whole Swingers movement is Swingers. It's never who you hope, like if I wanted to fuck two butt ugly people, I could easily do that. But thanks guys, Swingers, because just one person can't keep you hard. Yeah, Swingers, because being disappointed by one person isn't bad enough. Yeah, there is something to be said for this multiplying the ugly. It's not like a math or two wrongs don't make a right, you know, I guess maybe it helps. It's like the more homely you have around, it's like maybe you could just like, maybe I can just stay hard the next five minutes because it's a different kind of ugly. I'm stinking. But anyway, I do feel like that I do get that creepy feeling that I got seeing those as as I do sing Vicki and like thinking about swingurism. But I do think that, you know, it so much more makes sense now. Like when they were in the airport last year and Tamara started freaking out on Vicki because she was flirting with Eddie and Eddie was flirting back. Don't you remember how bizarre that was like, I'm so sure that Vicki's going to have sex with Eddie. But now I think, oh my God, Tamara knows that Vicki really is trying to have sex with Eddie and probably to grow everybody. Exactly. Everybody. Yeah, this season has like come to a whole new level. And like all that stuff when she was like, Oh, you remember what you did in Cabo? I was like, Oh, no, girl, I hope we find out everything. I think we will because Lori is not holding back. She's not holding back. And she is very confident that the shit that Vicki has on her ain't nothing compared to what she got on Vicki. Mm hmm. Exactly. Yeah, but she's also learned that you don't really need any kind of proof. You just say whatever you want and they'll put it on TV, you know, if you say it with conviction and, you know, a fresh coat of lipstick, it will fly. Not like that, but Vicki is the worst goddamn poker player in the world. Oh my God, she's really, she is bad. Okay, so we've done a lot with these crazies, so let's move on to New Jersey. No, no, no, I have to bring up one final thing. I'm sorry to like backtrack here, but one of the things that came up at the very end of the episode also, and maybe I've spaced out and maybe already discussed this when I wasn't paying attention, but what about the whole thing where Gretchen had to leave early because she was going to tape an episode of TV that she completely lied about? I forgot. Oh, okay. What was that? Because I thought she said... First of all, she's in her. No, go ahead. I thought she only designed handbags. I didn't also know that she was an actress. Well, here's the thing. She would have had a better excuse to have been like, guys, I have to hurry real quick to Paris because I'm Carmen Sandiego. That would have been a more personalized excuse. Why are we not having somebody that's listening to this podcast right now, please make us a graphic of Gretchen and the Red Trench side by side with Carmen Sandiego. Who wore it better? We know it was Carmen. Come on. Let's just play. What did she say in the final shot? When she hugged and said, "Bye, I thought she said, 'I'm sorry I can't stay here the whole day, but I have a speaking engagement.'" Yes, she said a speaking engagement and I was laughing. That's what it was. And I was laughing so hard. Because she can't speak. No. I mean, she basically learned her word of the day, philandering. So I don't know what other words she's going to be throwing into the mix. Yeah, who she's speaking to and about what, like, I mean, what, what, she pays her to speak. So she said she's going to a speaking engagement. But then apparently, was this off screen when she told Tamara, "Well, I came to your day, but I was offered a sitcom, but I didn't take it so that I could come to your very special day," right? Okay, in all honesty, I bet she did have some stupid speaking engagement where she was like teaching girls at a mall how to, like, apply, you know, eyeshadow or something and like Rancho Cucamonga and probably going to take her a long time to drive there. However, I do not also put it past Tamara to make up this complete lie just so she can throw Gretchen's ass under the bus. Guys, I figured out what the speaking engagement was. She said to Slade, "Hey, we're engaged." Therefore, they have a speaking engagement. And then she said to him, "And you don't need to pretend to buy me my own ring with my own money because I already have one from a dead guy." Exactly. And I'm still paying off that stupid car you got me. Hi, I'm Gretchen. I'm going to teach you guys how to do things. What do you want to know how to do? Raise your hand. I don't know how to do that. Who else? I don't know how to do that either. Who else? You guys sure have a lot of questions. She was speaking to a bunch of deaf mutes. Thanks, guys. This has been really successful. Okay, as much as I hate her, though, I don't think that she would be a worse actress than Heather Dabrow at all. Well, I totally believe that she was offered the role. I mean, look, why would she completely lie about it, first of all? But also, it's not like it's a real acting role. They were saying, "Let's get some stupid housewife from the Real Housewives to come on here and play a stupid housewife from the Real Housewives." I mean, it's not like some deep role. They probably called every housewife in town. I'm sure they did call Gretchen. And she's not that imaginative to have come up with this as like a lie. Yeah. You make a really good point, Ronnie. You know that they tried to call everybody from Beverly Hills. They called Vanderpump. They called Maloof. They called everyone that is actually closer to CBS, Radford, and when all of those real rich bitches who have real money said no, then they had to call down to the OC. Yes. And then when Heather asked if they really did that, they said no because they're trying to kiss Heather's ass because suits are liars. Don't trust suits? Yeah. The last time a Real Housewife trusted a suit, Lisa Vanderpump ended up doing it. It's not. I can't believe it's not butter commercial. Which they tried to make me interview her for here at work. And I was like, can I ask her all about Vanderpump rules? And they're like, let's keep the questions to it. I can't believe it's not butter. And I was like, click. That's why I don't do those. Are you kidding? That my first question is so have you and Fabio fucked? I'm such an idiot. Anytime one of those crosses my plate, I should not pass it up. So it's a butter, right? What is it exactly? It's. It's. It's Restylane. Oh God. So what else? You want to talk about anything else or we can move it on? Move it on, girl. Okay. Let's get a jersey guys. Jersey is pretty much the same old fights. Here's how I'm breaking Jersey down. They're changing it so that we're seeing that Melissa is a lying seaward, which I love. I think that that is just hilarious because she was like a hero to the children and now she's like a lying stripper. She loves. Well, she's like, I was a pop star now. I'm an author. And the only thing I know how to write about is my family's secrets. I wonder if they'll mind if I out my dad is a philanderer. Yeah, after I used him for simplicity the whole first year or two. Right. And now that she's milked to that dry, she has to, you know, turn him into a villain. Did you see how pissed her mom was? I think the mom said like after Melissa was trying to get her approval, she goes, do what you got to do. That is not an approval. Yeah. Well, also too, it's like, well, this whole discussion is no one void anyways because you're fucking talking about it on the show. Yeah. You're on TV. Hello. And more and more people are going to watch this show than are ever going to buy your piece of shitbook because you know what they can't read. Your audience is not really known for their reading skills. I got reading skills whenever they would show Teresa clacking on her laptop, I would hit the pause button so I could read the copy that was on the TV screen. And you know, I'm an editor by trade. So I mean, it was just, you know, giving me heart palpitations, but I mean, that woman is, I mean, she was writing about it. She's writing like her next cookbook or whatever and it was just, it's just atrocious. That was just hilarious to me. First of all, this is the first episode this season that has really, I was just laughing the whole way through it. It was so funny. That whole Teresa trying to prove that she writes her own blogs was one of the best scenes on New Jersey ever. I laughed through the whole thing. She cannot dive. She's like, I wanted to prove to everybody because I was accusing me of not being able to do my own blog that I could do my own blog. So look at me. I'm doing it. It's like. She, for some reason, I hadn't watched New Jersey in a while. And then I caught it and it happened to be right in a moment where she had a confessional and I was totally transported back to the first time I ever saw her on television. And I thought that is such a strange looking woman. And it's still like, it's still, I had been away for a little bit and come back. You know how like what a room stinks really bad? And then you walk out and, but you're in it and you forget how weird it smells and then you leave and you come back and you're like, shit, this place really stinks. That's kind of how weirdness, it happens, I watch a show every week and it still happens to me sometimes because that happened to me this week while I was watching you. She came on the screen and I was like, whoa, holy hairline. It's like, I don't know what I've been blind to this whole year. Why haven't why I haven't seen that? But I was like, Jesus said things about to cover her eyes. I know it's crawling down. It's like Vicki's nose is falling down her face and that hairline is falling down to Risa's. Yeah. What do you mean blink, blink, blink. I love Teresa though. She's making me laugh so much. Yeah, she's trying to prove that she writes her own blog and what was her other thing that she was trying to prove. The graphic is not true. It's not a thing, everybody. That's a lie that was invented by Caroline Manzo. So the other fun thing for me was the big Rosie and Teresa showdown. Oh my God. That was hysterical because here comes Rosie. The whole thing was just so good. Hey babe, what kind of drink you want? What can I get you darling? Let me get you a drink babe. Okay, babe. All right, here's your drink. I'm going to be drinking some whiskey on the rocks like wow. And screaming at you. Is that okay? Yeah. So what the fuck Teresa? What is my sister? It's always my fucking sister. What the fuck do I fucking kill you? What could you fucking tell me? I love you so much, babe. This was great. Let's do this again. All right. I was going to say she's totally one of those lesbians who just beats the shit out of her girlfriend. And she wonders why she hasn't had sex in six years. Yeah. Yeah, somebody needs to not ever let her drink. Could you imagine getting naked with a drunk one of her? Oh my God. I'd be so scared for my lady parts to be like I was going to say that's scissor. That would be a scary scissor that wouldn't be a scissor that would be like putting two bags of dough, like two bags of premade dough in a grocery bag and walking down the street with it. It's not a scissor. It's sickening because now I'm picturing her naked right now. That's like a Play-Doh Wrestle match. Oh God. So God bless her because that was hilarious. And I love that Teresa, you know, you got to respect Teresa because she's the only one on this show who does not back down. She doesn't care. That Rosie's yelling and screaming. She's just like, yeah. Yeah. I said, what about your sister? Uh-huh. What about your sister? Okay. You don't want to hear about your sister? What about your dad? What about your mom? I was like, jeez. I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but like it really, and Ronnie, we kind of saw this happening last year. Again, where they were starting to paint the picture where, you know, Melissa was going to become the villain and Teresa is going to, you know, claw her way back to the top. But I, the only thing I hate about Teresa besides her children and her husband, I mean, I'm really, those are the only things I actually do hate about her. I actually kind of am on her side now. Well, there's, it's so hard to, the thing is, you can't really, I, you can't really like Caroline anymore because she's such a pig in the ass. Oh, we haven't in a year plus. We hate her. Oh my favorite. I can't remember if this is the most recent episode or one right before that where she's like, Rosie's yelling there, it was went right before the meetup with Teresa, blah, blah, and then Caroline and her professional. Her family is fucked up like, really? How's, how's your sister, Caroline? Yeah. No kidding me. Caroline's a miserable family. She's moving to Hoboken so she can be near her son's who she wants to bang or something really not healthy. No, she's not that person Hoboken's Hoboken so that she can stay at the house in a jersey. And then it's, it's pretty much a sex pad for her husband who's clearly cheating on her now. These had gastric bypass. Yeah. Well, that's his, that's his love shack. God. So someone wrote, someone tweeted this at me and I'm so sorry that I don't remember the name. I'm stupid. So sorry about that. But someone tweeted at me that it looks like one of the Vansos. Oh, I think it was Cookster who's going to be one of the manzos is going to be running for city council and Hoboken or something like that. Oh my God. Please move to Jersey and so that we can vote against him. Oh my God. Yeah. To be worth it. How frightening is that? I'm kind of Emma Teresa's side always and this is why Teresa is always wrong. She's never right. I mean, all the stuff that she hated Melissa for is wrong. You're not supposed to. You know, you're not supposed to be jealous of your brother's wife. You're not supposed to be in love with your brother. Your husband is obviously cheating on you and calling you the C word on TV. But not to her face, but not to her face just behind her back to another romantic. She's horrible. She's never correct. I think I can name a time on the show where Teresa's been right. However, as Gretchen would say, however, she is funny and she is herself and she's not faking it. So I liked Teresa. I think she's hysterical and watching her try to explain things when she's wrong is my fate. Watching those blinks like those vacant blinks is one of my favorite things about. She's the Vicki of the show. She will always react. She will always react. There's not a single shred of cunning to her. She will do exactly whatever, you know, Melissa is the sneak. Melissa's very manipulative and knows how to play that play her. I don't think it's because she kind of watched the show for the first two seasons from the side lines and then she was able to jump in when it made most sense for her where she could come in and, you know, dig that grave deeper for Teresa, whereas now, like, Teresa who's been there from the beginning of the way Vicki has in OC, it's like they have to have, I don't know, I just feel like the fan base has to always love the original gangsters from these franchises and I feel myself drawn to Teresa because she has weathered so many storms and I can't wait to see her, you know, put Melissa in her place. Well, all you have to know about Melissa, I mean, really, we've seen how manipulative she is. She can act as nice as she wants, but so far, we've seen Danielle show up to her reunion and say that she's been getting contacted by Teresa's sister-in-law about what a horrible bit she is and not going to see the baby in the hospital. So she's feeding all this stuff right before the reunion to Danielle to get her name on the reunion, which worked. Then she got in touch with the producers to get hired. I mean, she's totally been trying to take Teresa down from behind the scenes forever and I love that Teresa is actually right about that and no one believes her. Like you're crazy and jealous where it's completely obvious that she is doing that. She is totally doing it. It's not Teresa's fault that she's just crazy and jealous about everything else. Yeah. Even a broken closet for one today, you know, exactly. Poor Teresa. She is my favorite. I'm loving it because Teresa is really only good when she's under fire, you know. Well, that's not true. She's fun when she's just trying to shop at Versace as well. Oh, and then how about Jacqueline? Oh, Jacqueline. Jesus. Yeah, she. I'm going to talk about autism again, but Jesus Jacqueline, stop it. Stop calling out your autistic child and maybe he's not having a fit because he's autistic. Maybe he's having a fit because you're in his fucking face and won't let him play with the iPad. All kids would have a fit if you did that. Stop it. Leave your kid alone. That has absolutely nothing to do with autism. It's called give him the goddamn iPad. Yes. Don't kidding. He's a baby and he wants to slap the bright screen. Yeah. She. Well, I like how they got their sort of painting the picture of her is like, now I'm speaking my mind. It's like nobody cares. Yeah. Your mind is blank and you've always spoken it and it's always been boring and it's not more interesting now that you've added a child in the mix and that child is so cute. I hope social services comes and takes it and gives it to somebody who stops calling it names. Maybe Ashley will end up with it. Maybe it's not autistic at all. Maybe Jacqueline's just making that stuff up. I think that kid's cute. I'll take him. Well, if you'll notice the best, the people who, they're all terrible mothers, but the best mothers I've noticed seem to be the ones who have their kids on the show the least. And this kid is on every time I'm on your tap shoes, put on your tap shoes. We're going to do the hitting yourself show for TV like that isn't helping anybody. Stop it. Guys, is it wrong that I miss Danielle? Not at all. I felt that exact same thing this week after I watched the show. I turned off my TV and I was like, God, I miss where are where Danielle stops? There's that model daughter that wants to kill her mother. And where is that young one who wants to kill both of them? Exactly. I was watching one of the reruns the other day. They were showing a marathon or something and they had the scene with Danielle and Dina. And Dina's like, look, I just want to tell you, I just want you to leave me in my family alone. She's like, oh, really? You want to tell me? What you want to tell me? Say it. Say it. What do you want to say? Say it. There's no talking sense to her. She could not. It's really bad going down, but she was making it worse and worse and worse. Like, do you want to do that? Like some water? Oh, when I like some water. Oh, really? Really? I'd like some water. Great. Thanks a lot. Did you hear what that buzz points all made? Did anybody hear that? I'm suing this place. This place is going to be sued. Don't talk to me like that. Give me some respect. I deserve some respect. It's like, I love her. She needs back. And all the while, there's that ex-con who she may or may not be working in the background as her security detail. In the black in the black jeans? Yes. She loves to date man in an appropriately tight black jeans. You may or may not have called someone an F word. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. He might have gotten lucky because Daniel was screaming and it kind of muffled it. I love that Andy Cohen can take anything in the world except a gay slur. It's like if somebody says the word, the F word on one of the shows he just loses it. It's like, that's the only time. It's like, Daniel, do you have anything to say about your boyfriend saying the F word? She's like, well, you know, it's Jersey. And you know, that's what the guys say. And he's like, Daniel, do you have anything to say about the F word? She's like, he's sorry. Okay, Andy. He's sorry. I mean, he's a fucking idiot. What do you want? He's a stupid fact, Andy. What can I tell you? Speaking of stupid nasty pigs, can we talk about in the vein of Andy Cohen, let's talk about Ritchie. I hate Ritchie. Ritchie. Welcome to your kitchen. I just wish you could see my buck teeth because that's the only way I can. The only way I can really impersonate him is to cross my eyes and buck my teeth. I know. Five little Nauskovitz with like glasses. He is the worst. He's creepy and I'm over him. I'm like, don't were you ever on him? I thought that he and Kathy had kind of a nice relationship. It seemed kind of normal. Just because they're kids are half way decent kids, but I mean, it's the end of the day, I think that Kathy needs, I just want her to divorce him. I feel like this probably happens with like, you know, a lot of these women probably deal with their husbands and they're like silly jokes. And then at a certain point they snap, isn't there like a TV show about women snapping and then murdering their husbands? That's called snap. Okay, well, I need to start watching that show and Kathy needs to go on and she needs to murder Ritchie because he is a chauvinist pig. Yeah, snap. She would be like, this is Kathy. She's so happy. She loves making canellies and riding her bike and then it'll show her making canellies and riding her bike. She loves her children. She's so supportive of her husband's gas station and she loves boxes. And then she snaps the wrong box came in. It was the wrong color. It was a kitchen. She didn't want. He didn't ask her opinion and now he's dead. I want to watch that show and do a podcast. You guys snap. Yeah, that's amazing. That's always the beginning. It's like, where does it air is it on like it? Is it on like after Nancy, is it on after like Nancy Grace or one of those shows? I think snap is a lifetime show. I watch it on accident one time, snapped TV show, TV show. Yeah, I think it's lifetime. Oh, it's oxygen. Same death, right? Well, I always find it very suspicious when a woman so late in life decides to get a nose job. Because that's not something, do you know what I mean? Because usually that's something that like they've had plenty of money for a while. It seems. You know, all these housewives shows, they basically see themselves on TV. It's like they were saying during the real housewives of Orange County, 100th episode thing. They admitted it. They saw themselves on TV. They threw away all of their clothes. They all got breast jobs and face implants, bought all new shit. And then they were like, oh, we also need to get brand new cars. Now you can come back and film. And I understand a little bit because, you know, last year I started making these internet videos for the side or whatever. And I was fucking shocked to see myself. And I went on a fast and didn't eat anything for 43 days and became a stick figure and then stopped and then became really fat again. And then I was like, you know what, I'm not a housewife. Okay. I'm not going to be a housewife. I cannot afford surgery. I'm just going to get fatter and accept that I just kind of look like telesavolus. Like that's my, that's my fate. And I'm just going to accept that and enjoy my fucking life. Thank God. I'm not a housewife. And if I had a bank account, oh my God, I would look like a man that binds right now. I'm scared that I'm going to become that person one day. I am fine. I really am. I think that guys, I think it's worse for guys because at least people accept it with women now. So, you know, sure, of course, everyone looks like they've had a face job, but that's an accepted thing. Men do not look okay with face work like that. Well, what am I going to do? I just posted a photo Instagram and I have so many forehead wrinkly lines. I, I, it's bothering me. No, that's good. You'll be fine. Just wear a hat. Just wear a hat. You guys are talking to the least LA woman in the world. Oh my God. I'm going to, I'm going to hang up and, oh, wait, wait, put on a Teresa Judas wig. Nobody will even see your fucking forehead. They'll be like, is that a man peering at me from underneath a hair bush? Yeah, basically I feel terrible watching Kathy because I just know that she's so insecure. And whenever I know that things like that have affected people, it just makes me feel kind of bad because we're part of the problem, you know, sitting here and making fun of people and every little thing about them and then they watch this stuff and read it on the Internet and they're like, I need to change. I'm going to get a bit, bit, bit, bit. But then the other part of me is like, fuck them, they're idiots and it's their own damn fault. And that's why people make fun of them in the first place because they're so stupid. So I'm kind of conflicted. I don't know to feel terrible or to be happy for that she can afford a nose job or. Or if we're all just dirty Americans with too much extra money to spend. If we want to do it, let us just do it and who gives a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. All you have to do to understand how terrible Americans are is watch house hunters. Oh, yeah. I told you I wanted a master bedroom with a double sink. I get what I want. I'm paying $80,000 for this house. Oh, my God, you're terrible. You're all terrible. You all should get nose jobs. All of you, please, butcher your faces by that. I mean, have you have your noses removed? You don't deserve to have noses in the first place in the American pig. You don't deserve. You don't deserve to smell it. Okay. So what else happened in jurors? Um, oh, we have to talk about cat face. Which one's that? Oh, fat face. Fat face. The proprietor of Cafface who was eating egg salad behind the desk while there was nobody shopping in her store and talking about, uh, talking about why she just doesn't want to get married because she's so worried about her career. Honey, it's the middle of the day. No one's in your store. Okay. You're in a strip mall. Yeah, your dad's paying the strip mall rent and you're still only able to afford the egg salad that you're eating right now. Shut up. Lauren, man. So shut up. Eggs are like the cheapest thing at all of all time. She was like, I was like, I was a fat kid in high school. Lauren, you've been on a diet for like less than a year. Oh, my God. She said that, Ronnie, I was like, throwing my tub of ice cream at the TV because she's sitting there and like, Caroline comes over and she's having dinner with the kids because the husband is at work, meaning he's in that back room at that, um, brownstone bang in some like, probably banging the girl that's banging brooks. I was just going to say, synergy, we're doing it's a crossover episode and, um, so Caroline sitting there and talking to the kids. And when Lauren was like, yeah, well, when I used to be a fat kid and I'm like, what, what is she thinking? I know. Can you remember back nine months? Come on. Hey, you're not in a place to be nostalgic just yet. Yeah, right. And it's also called when you cheat with, um, gastric bypass. That doesn't count. You were not somebody who was fused to your couch, who had to be moved out of the home with a crane, like you were fine. Of a forklift and Marie Povet, which are not involved. I don't care. Stop crying. Yeah. There's a bumper sticker and so what do you guys think about this? So Caroline is then later complaining when she's having a date night with her husband about how all of their kids have, you know, seen their relationship as they've grown up and the dad was always away at work. And now she's so concerned that none of our kids are interested in having relationships and having kids and it's Caroline walks right in the middle of every relationship and shits all over it. Have you noticed that every time one of the kids is dating somebody, Caroline inserts herself into it? She was a total bitch to the last girl that Albie was dating that we saw on TV. Oh, like the hot cheerleader girl? Yeah. She was a total bitch to her. I'm sure she's like that to everybody. She's in love with her boys and nobody's going to marry them. I've known plenty of mothers like that. I'm from 11 E's family and none of my cousins are married, like maybe two out of 10. You mean the fact that she infantilized them even into adulthood? You think that might be have something to do with it? Maybe just a little. Could any of you? Literally pulling out her tits for them. She like, she baby burns their lunch into their mouth. Ew. Ew. She totally, at least she has silver stones their lunch. Yeah. She's pretty horrible. I've never had to make it on their own. They're on their second business that daddy's paying for that's got like a half of a star on Yelp. Like come on guys. You know what? She needs to, they need to get a job where they have to fill out a W two, at least one. At least one. Right. It's so cool. It's so cool. For like six months because you know what? Starting a business. I mean, it's one thing, but it's different if your family's bankrolling it. Yeah. Lisa, did you, are you taking a pee now because the acoustics totally just changed? I feel like you're in a ceramic room and you might be kissing. I'm sorry. I just like, I had to put on some, some lip balm. So I adjusted it to, so I could have it standing up. This is really boring. I'm sorry. I'll change it back. That is, that is code for, for dropping a deuce. Putting on some lip balm, kids. They made me stop wearing a headset because I could walk around my house and I would pee every time. I could get like three times a podcast when you like, I wasn't even in the bathroom. I'm fine. Right now. And you know what my solution was? I got a catheter because I'm not taking off that fucking headset. Yeah. I've got my winner and my hand is a pee on the floor. Um, okay. So can we be done with yours? I'm done. Because we have some very important things to talk about and this podcast is well over an hour already. I know. How did that happen? On the royalty. We have princesses and we have below decks. So since we are moving a little bit long here, let's just hit these real quick. Have you guys watched princesses? Yes, ma'am. I have seen several episodes, but I'm behind. Okay. Well, they're pretty much all the same, but this one was particularly amazing for me because of the intervention scene. It was amazing. These girls have decided that their friend is a drunk who probably is the girl who thinks that she used to be hot in high school. Erica. She's my favorite because everyone every five minutes is like, she fucks my boyfriend and you're like, everyone's like, Erica was so hot, was so hot. And they never talk about how she looks now, like no one ever references. Yeah, but she's got to use it up now. Well, one thing I always say to Ben and Matt every week since they've just started is I can't watch a show because I feel terrible. So instead of watching it, I put it on while I clean so I can hear what's going on, but I don't actually see it. Well, you know, this week they talked me into like actually watching it. It's so much better if you can see what's going on. It really is. Just for Erica's face alone, I was dying at her face. So what about what about her bedroom that is clearly has not changed since she was in high school from the year 2000? Did you see that? Yeah. It was the saddest thing ever. I mean, she's just like a 30 plus year old woman or a 30 year old. And I don't know. That she's just sad, the boyfriend is an alcoholic. The boyfriend looks like Joe Giudice. It's I don't know. It's all downhill from here. They're all still living in high school because they reference shit from high school so easily. I can't even remember that stuff. Yeah. And we're about the same age. Actually, they're younger than us. I think. I remember everything from. Well, I don't know. I have. You were busy drinking. You were busy drinking Boone's farm and you don't remember anything. You know what's really sad is I was in Germany and the legal drinking age was 16. So I didn't. There wasn't like an allure. I was kind of like, oh, well, I didn't get drunk the first time. Same for me. I'm from El Paso, Texas. And so we used to go over the border town. We can get wasted more like 13 there. So the time I was of age, I was like sober. I know. You're like, I already went to passages twice. Yeah. Been there. Done that. Burt it out. Next. I went to my first beer festival when I was eight. So yeah. I'm not even kidding. I'm not making that up. I had my first back alley abortion at, you know, in second grade. So. You're ass, baby. I got fake. I got fake Monopoly hundreds shoved up my ass by Brooks when I was like, six. So I'm feeling pretty sexually okay. Now guys, I feel like Tamara, all this shit we just shared with each other guys. I thought of killing myself like 10 minutes ago. We're so bonded now. So they're going to basically Casey who hates this girl anyway. Okay. She does not have her best interest at heart, but she's like, well, she's an alcoholic and I need to be the one to tell her. And she knows like, all right, I'll come, you know, so they go over to Erica's house and go in her creepy like junior high bedroom. And the mom is like, oh, hey, I recognize you. How do I know you? Cause your daughter fucked my boyfriend. That's how you know me. You look good. That's exactly what Casey said in the confessional and I loved it. But I wanted her to say it to the mom's face as your war daughter fucked my boyfriend and I'm still not over it. And I should probably go outside and kill myself. Well, that mother is like a big enabler. So we'll get to that. They go up to her room and they start, they don't just say, look, we've got, we love you. There's a problem. You're an alcoholic. It's like, well, you know, thank you for coming. You know, we just wanted to talk to you because, you know, Lord knows we all like to drink, but you know, it's like fat people who complain about being fat, but they're still fat. I was like, bitch, you're making this personal now. I don't know if I made you mad on Twitter or what happened, but don't be coming after me in this scene. But what does that have to do with anything anyway? What was she even trying to say? I think that they're saying that they're implying that maybe she's that she's complaining she's drinking too much. But I don't know that she remember her ever saying that, but then again, I drink when I watch the show, well, it's just it's so funny because like every single show, they always have to, especially when it's this age range, they always have to pick somebody who's going to be the alcoholic, that they're like, we're really worried about them. It's like, oh, Snooki, it's like they all are fucking partying basically the same amount, but they're like, you know what? The editors are like, who do we want to make be the alcoholic? Let's pick this schmuck. Yeah. Of course. No, true. Exactly. Because somebody has to have an intervention or Ruthie on real world Hawaii, anyone, anyone? Yeah. Oh my God. Yes. Way to take it back. I mean, housewives who obviously didn't have a problem at all. Totally making it up got to keep that birth weight low, kids bounce back that much fast. The look on Erica's face while they were giving her an intervention was hysterical because she's kind of cross-eyed and she's all scrunchie face from meth or doing whatever it is that she does. Well, she was also she was also drinking before they got there. And to be fair, that is the bedroom. That is probably the bed where she lost her virginity. So there's a very loaded environment. She probably has a water bed filled with sabs, Blanc. And it's like one of those camel pack back things and she just sticks a little straw like in the in her bed and then she refills it in the afternoon. The look on her face as she was getting grilled was hilarious because she honestly seemed to not know what the hell they were getting at and all she was like, yeah, so when we drink wet, well, when we drink, what are you talking about? What fat people? What about fat in my pregnant? What are you talking about? Like, I love that she was so fucking confused by it. And then once you finally got that they were calling her an alcoholic, she's like, all right. Well, this was good. Thanks for coming over. I got to help my mom clean. Like you are not going to help your mom clean. By the way, that's like the best way to shut down an intervention ever. Okay. Well, thank you. I appreciate your input. But this is Dover now. Okay. What do you guys think about Casey like Friday, right? Well, when they're driving over, I don't understand this like, why is Casey and she's mentioned this in like previous episodes, but she's always like, well, if she doesn't take my advice, I'm done like, okay, you're she hates you and you hate her, but you're going to be offended if she doesn't take your advice seriously. Why? Because as her as her enemy, don't you want to supply her with more alcohol? So she will kill her liver. She's another one who has no cunning in her and just reacts. Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. I mean, I just I've known people who are like that. Like if you don't take their advice, they get all offended like, look, I wasn't telling you about my boyfriend being a jerk because I really wanted your advice. It's just that I'm always with my boyfriend and now I'm talking to somebody that's not my boyfriend. So I want to talk about my boyfriend and your hair. So shut the fuck up and listen, I've listened, you talk about your boyfriend for years and if I don't want to take your advice to run and dump him, fuck you, you don't rule my life. I'm not taking your advice. Stupid stuff getting so offended. Well, yeah. And it's also like, I mean, the truth is, I know we don't, I know my boyfriend's terrible. Exactly. Like I'm the one dating him. Yeah. Like if I wanted to date a good person, I'd go find a good person. I'm dating an asshole because I've got issues on my own and he can deal with them. This is called codependency, fucking deal with it and advise accordingly. Yeah, she is just, look, the truth is she really just needs to get back to her art and New York City. True. Because at her, at her, at her core, she is a New York City art girl. Well, after they canceled gallery girls where she was clearly going to be the villainous of season two, she had to come crawling back to Long Island. One of my good for, you know, I have a group of gays here that I love and one of them almost got intervened the other day, like someone started a kind of intervention with him. Wait, is this the thing that you were telling Ben and I about when we were going for bagels? Yes. And I'm not going to go into the whole thing because like privacy and all that, but they started trying to intervene and I said, look, I'm not going to blackmail you right now because I remember the names. I'm like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to give you shit about this. And I'm not going to give you an intervention. That's bullshit. But here's all I have to say. Get wasted if you want to, but don't get so wasted that you have to stop drinking because then that hurts me, like you can throw away your own life all you want. But you are my friend that I go out with on the weekends and if your boyfriend makes you go to AA, that's over. We're not going to have a friendship. I've had friends who found it AA and guess where they are now? I don't know because we're not friends anymore. All right. Please don't let that happen to us. Just control yourself, count to four drinks and then take a break. Thanks. That's hysterical. I have also been invited to help with an intervention and here's how it went down. I was like, you know, I'm not really that close to that person anymore. So I kind of don't care enough. Yeah. Well, that's so nice that you're honest enough. I'm like, I don't have the energy for an intervention. How about I just stop hanging out with them? Well, I befriended them on Facebook, so I hope that helped. I'm sure the message will be loud and clear. All right, what else happened on Princesses? Is this the one where they went to the camp? No, that was the year before. That was the week before. It was the long week. I feel like every single field trip they go on is like, okay, and this is the new way we're going to try to find a husband. It is. That's what's hilarious. The only goal on this show is for these women to find a homely guy with a job that will stain, you know, two of them don't need to do that because two of them are budding entrepreneurs. One of them has drink hankies and the other has something where one side of a product is a lip balm and the other side is breath mints slash maybe a breathalyzer. Oh my God. Okay. What is with the man in Jersey, first of all, that when that girl, the pretty one that Debbie may as our Joey. We love Joey. I love her. Okay. So she's the one with the lip balm and the breast spray thing. Okay. So she goes to talk to her business, her marketing guy and she's like, hey, I thought bradette marketing guy. He's a marketing genius. And then he's like, Hey, hopefully, you know, hopefully this will work so you can start concentrating on getting a man and having a baby. I'm like, Oh my God, this is just Jersey or there are other places like around here. You will get a fucking organic bell pepper shoved up your ass. If you talk to a woman like that, can you imagine? And didn't his office look like one of those dirty, like casting couch type rooms with like a, like an old dirty, like semen covered velvet couch and like no real doorways, just black vinyl curtains that he'd walk through. It was such garbage. Yeah. He's like the guy who's like, Hey, come on in, honey. Gross. Yeah, she needs to leave. She needs someone else. She just needs to like market her own stuff on Facebook or something because that guy is not. Oh, and I love his brilliant marketing plan. He's like, listen, honey, sex cells. Oh brilliant. Really? So come up with that one by yourself. Stupid. Let's be original. Thanks. Thanks. Don Draper. No kidding. Even Don Draper thought that was hack and that was like in the fucking late 50s. So then the other product, yes, the other product was, oh my God, no, we didn't finish with the lip balm. He goes, he tries the lip balm and he goes, Oh my God, this is like making love to my mouth. Oh my, that should be the tagline, making love to my mouth. I was like, so basically you're giving everybody the impression of a cot going inside your face. Basically. Thanks. Thanks for that. Face baby. Yeah, face fucking happens actually. You didn't just come up with that. Well, and the funny thing is this is from the girl who apparently is the blue collar, one of the show, yet at the beginning before she goes to meet with his business partner, she's riding around on her dad's fancy ass boat crying on the back of it. So when I live with you, it's not like you pay my bills, he's like, living rent free is kind of getting your bills paid. She's like, really? I always felt like housing was just kind of understood. She's still my favorite, because probably she's the prettiest and I intend to like the prettiest ones the most, but she's starting to, she's starting to slide a little bit for me. I mean, after that episode at Ronnie, I mean, are you still in the fence with Joey or not so much? I like her. I mean, I really, honestly, all these girls I like, I think they're so the only one that I think is a vile human being is the midget. Oh my God. Yeah. She's just a horrible human being. Like I get that she's trying to be funny and stuff. I get it. And Lord knows that I've gotten enough trouble when I say shitty things when I'm just trying to be funny, but I feel like that's like the real her. No, I think you're right. I think she thinks she thinks she's fucking adorable. She's not being self deprecating. I think you would like her if she were, but she think her dad made a huge mistake by making her think that she's like the most adorable little whatever little munchkin in the world. And yeah, she's just, she's just unpleasant. He really did. You ruined her for life. She's like one of the under the rainbow midgets. No, she's like one of the over the rainbow midgets with like Ruth Buzzy face. And no, what does that even mean Ruth Buzzy face Google Ruth Buzzy, she's got a chin. It looks like Jay Leno in a fun house mirror. God bless her. I mean, I'm Yahoo searching it right now. Here's here's how I like to explain this. She has the arrogance. Hold on. Oh my God. That's it. That is a chin. Right. Okay. Back to you, Lisa. If you don't get references from the like 50s and 60s, you really need to age. Okay. Nice. I was going to say actually looks a little bit like cousin Jerry's never going to say this. Oh, I don't know. I don't really think that's Jerry from Ruth Buzzy reminds me of cousin if cousin Jerry and Jay Leno had a baby, they have Ruth Buzzy, they'd have this little munchkin. So the difference between Ruth Buzzy and the midget from princesses, obviously is that Ruth Buzzy had some talent that she could live off of. This kid, it's like a dad that she wants to bomb. Stop it. Oh, it's so creepy. And I feel like her flat ironing the hair isn't helping her jawline. Her hair always looks like she just, it's just like flat. I hate that look, women, women building up women on watch what crappen men. Yeah. That's all horrible. We're going to host a self esteem expo at the women's conference in Long Beach with Maria Shriver later this year. You know what? The thing is, she is the arrogance of a much hotter woman. That's the problem. Yeah, she does. That's absolutely correct. She really does. It's like you guys will know that I'm funny, right? So I know my place on the spectrum. That's how I feel too. I'm like, hey, let me not be hot, but I've got other things. There's so much shit I could actually get away with. What do you guys think about, what was I going to say? I totally interrupted and didn't even have something good to talk about. I was going to ask you something about princesses. Oh, the drink canky. Yeah. That is the ugliest, stupidest product. It's fucking, it looks like a fran dresser outfit from the nanny. What is she wearing? You're different colors or is it only a leopard print? Explain it. What is it? I haven't actually seen it. So Lisa, when you go out to the club and you order yourself a cocktail, I'm assuming that you are a, I don't know, I think you're more bad at it. I'm going to go, are you a gin and tonic lady? I will, I will have a, I like to keep it simple. So gin and tonic, I would have a gin and tonic. Okay. So you're a classic cocktail girl. Unlike these girls who probably put like a jar of mango juice and some semen. And some rum and whatever in no cocktail chagrin, they make something crazy and then they dangle a monkey off the side. But anyway, the point is this, they have things called drink hankies and the one that looks like Lady Gaga is a CEO and she is designing these drink hankies and the majority of them look like different shades of leopard print at this point. But anyway, they are like loose koozies. They're really just koozies, but fabric koozies and you could wear them as a pocket squire. You could take them into the bathroom if you're experiencing some maybe lady issues or you could wrap them around your drink. If it's sweating. Oh my God. This is so stupid. It's basically a beer koozie and look out here, I've heard people call them cozies, beer cozies, but where I come from, they're called beer koozies. Is that what they're called? Yes. I call it a koozie. Yeah. I call it a koozie. I think she should call those things koozies by kooz. She's sort of like an homage to wine by wives. Do you like it? Oh, yes. And then they could have synergy. Synergy. Yeah. Or make something that people really need. A koozie koozie. So you could always keep it at the right temperature. Aren't you going to a sporting event and maybe flirting with somebody at the same time? Well, you don't want the temperature of your koozie to get off. That's where the koozie comes in. And she has a little homosexual helper who sits there and I guess does the books or is one of her co-design. I mean, it was the saddest thing ever. Again, they're sitting on her bedroom in her middle school styled bedroom with like a trapper keeper with three fabrics that are clearly just like Barbie dresses that they ripped up and took out of her Barbie greenhouse and the corner of her bedroom. And they're like, if we wrap this around a Cosmo, we can call it a drink hanky. Genius. Oh my God. What was what did her horror mother say this week? Like, we really need to get a montage of every horse thing her mother walked in with a plate of chips and salsa and guacamole for the little kids who were sitting on the ground designing and she goes, oh, you know, it would be great for these to hold besides drinks. A bag full of dildos. Oh, yeah. Yeah, these have good fidel does. It's like, oh my God, chicken next stop and get out of here, saying fuck and tick a lot is not going to make us think you're sexually viable. Get out. The fact that you buy your dildos from Costco is not impressing anyone. No kidding. Ten pack. Those are Vos water bottles. They're not dildos. Stop it. But I will never drink Vos again. Okay, so princess has anything else about princess has anyone get married? They talked about getting married over over a breakfast platter of bagels and locks. I swear to God, I just want somebody like maybe a documentarian to call up Gloria Steinem and just go sit in her living room and play this show and watch her just beat her head against the TV until it explodes like a watermelon. I actually love these girls, though, because, you know, if you were in Orange County, Heather would order, you know, the bagel list locks, you know, but these girls sat down and they just Chanel shoved two fucking cream cheese stuffed bagels down her wallet and didn't give two fucks about it. It's true. They eat like the like the Hall of Bread. Oh, I'm fascinated by anybody who eats carbohydrates on television like it's fascinating. Well, this is still season one. So it's true. Again, they will all have new cars, new boobs and new diets by season two. Yeah. I'm back with those jobs all of them. No. The only internet are no help. I mean, Jesus, the comments are like those girls like you come on our page. And girl was like, those girls look like pelicans, Jesus snosles, people are fucking rude and hilarious. A little munchkins like I have a small nose, like, yeah, I'm Kray. God, put your nose or your chin supposed to be. All right. So what's, I don't know if that made sense, but you get what I'm trying to say. Yeah, absolutely. Let's move on to final, the final topic of the day below, Drak, the new show about maids on a boat. Can I just say the Andy Cohen tweeted, they should just re title it devious mates on a boat. Look, I would watch this if it was called white maids on a boat. I was, because all of those things sound attractive, but like this thing I haven't seen that much of. So really rich, really rich when they have white maids. I'll tell you what, that's some baller shit right there when you got white people clean in your house. Hey, this is racism. We can reality TV. We can see whatever we want. Exactly. Thank you, Paula. Dean. You have opened the. Oh my God. I'm sitting with quiet. I was all alone sitting here and waiting for you to talk to me, but you didn't because it was quiet. I'm not sitting here alone. Okay. Oh my gosh. Sorry about that guys. I don't know. What the hell went on? I heard you singing that last part. You weren't totally alone. Oh, I thought I was alone, guys. So are we recording now or not? Yeah. We're back. Okay. We're back. I did something really unfortunate. I sent a tweet out the other day where I said, and the winner of the crappy award for the worst new Bravo show of 2013 goes to dot dot dot below deck. I am now going to take that back because I watched it for a second time today at the office. I had it on in the background and I'm not going to lie. I'm obsessed. It is my new Vanderpump rules, it is my new, it is my new married to medicine, it is my new gallery girls, I am in 100% and we are watching it, we are watching it for the duration of the season. I'm sorry, I'm sorry Ronnie and I am sorry listeners, but it is happening. I'm willing to check it out because you know what, I did the same exact thing with Vanderpump rules. I totally was just like, I mean, you know what, here's the thing. We were all recovering from the atrociousness that was Silicon Valley. Let's just be real. It's left us. It's left us very gun shy about young people on Bravo networks, Bravo shows. But you know what Matt, I'm willing to give it a shot. Thank you. I, you know, okay look, I was fascinated that the maids overthrew the customer, like I've never seen that in my life and I've known some saucy maids, so I've never seen a mutiny like that. I mean, basically, if for those of you who didn't watch it, it's all these people who work on charge of yachts where they've had like hundreds of thousands of dollars for just one week of this being on a yacht. So they take around rich people and they all have different little jobs on the ship or whatever. And basically, they get wasted and fight with each other a lot. But apparently there are rules, but don't forget, no, there's a chain of command. Oh, yeah. You have to say. Oh, yeah. That's like a slogan. And there's all these rules. And so let's say I paid $200,000 for a chartered yacht for a week. But if they found Coke in my room, they could kick me off. Fuck you. I just paid $200,000 for this charter. I can, I should be able to fucking heroin, kill hookers and throw them off the deck if I want to. Right. So we're watching it at work today because I'm like, everybody start watching this show with me and everybody is starting to scream at the TV and my coworker is like, if I have paid 150 grand to ride on a yacht for a week and I want to do Coke, I'm going to do fucking Coke. Yeah. That sounds like this is hitting a little close to home, Lizbeth. Calm down. But I totally agree with her. Look, I mean, look, if I have hundreds of millions of dollars, you bet I'm going to be doing Coke. I'm going to be doing Coke at the table of McDonald's. If I want to. I'm rich, bitch. I know, right? Here's, here's the real question that needs to be asked. If they're really rich, are they going to be on a yacht with TV cameras? Well, this crew, I don't know about this crew. There was like the big. I'm not talking about. Are you talking about the crew? Are you talking about the guests that were on the boat? I don't understand. I meant the guests. Here's the thing with that that Paris Hilton is a great example. You may have money, but if you don't have fame, it ain't worth shit. Or as Countess Luan would say, money can't buy you, money can't buy you class. Or as rich would say, but it can't buy you ass with Vicki's dollar bills, y'all. Texas tea, but this week, it was like some gay dudes on their way to a model shooting. It was some big fat gay guy. It reminded me of that guy named gummy bear. It was just like, I don't know who that is, but already I know what he looks like. I just loved how he was described by one of the crew members. He's like, this gay guy came on and like, just let's face it, a dirty bathrobe. I mean, it was a disgusting, dirty bathrobe. I was dying. And then he actually was more, he said, soiled, heavily soiled. That's worse. That's worse. Sounds like people were raped on his bathrobe. I hear the word soiled, I assume feces. I always assume semen. It's all of those things. It's like boogers, pea, semen, poop, like made blood is all of it. Guys, the Monica Lewinsky case, really, it just, that whole impeachment attempt. It really, it made soiled to me, mean semen. Well, you know what? That's stupid trial. That's why everybody stopped dry cleaning their sperm-ridden clothes. Everyone's walking around with a stain on themselves in hopes that they can see somebody rich one day. Stop it, everybody. Take your clothes to the cleaners. It's like a decent human being. So they were all offended at this guy in his dirty bathrobe. So then he gets wasted and comes back at like two and a half, two and a half, two 30 in the morning to talk to one of the hot guys who's like cleaning overnight and he's like trying to hit on the guy and he's like, look, I don't like babysitting drunk guys, especially drunk gay guys in soiled bathrobes. And it was a different bathrobe. Certain people take an extra suitcase full of lubotons. He takes an extra suitcase full of soiled bathrobe. That's the kind of rich guy I want to be. I just want to be rich, get to be 500 pounds and take a bathrobe with me wherever I go. I'm warning you that that's who you're going to be friends with in about 10 years. He like puts on a bathrobe, rolls in a pile of nasty, it's like ready to go, fresh as a daisy. So they got in trouble because they went downstairs very obviously they're like, hey, bath, you want to go downstairs together and did some coke. And then the girl who looks like Amy from Gallery Girls and is desperate and needy just like Amy from Gallery Girls ends up funny. Maybe it is Amy from Gallery Girls. Maybe she's just going to be on every show that's going to last one season because I already feel below deck is sinking. Oh, yeah. Did you look at the ratings? No, but I will right now. And yeah, that one hit my iceberg about five minutes into it, you guys. Yeah, so she finds some coke and she's like, oh my God, we can all these our jobs and she tattle tails. And so they turn the boat around and kick them off horrified. I was horrified for them. I mean, they paid a lot of money and they're getting kicked off, but they're also like being outed as total drug addicts on national TV, which I mean, well, how much do you think it's possible they kicked them off and then we're like, look, you didn't come back on the boat, but you can't be in front of the cameras anymore. They ate all their dinner, they ate their lamb chops. Like as soon as they kicked them off the boat, they cut to a confessional, the chef going like, well, I was going to cook this dinner for those coke heads, but we'll have their lamb chops instead. Yeah. And you know, they still had to pay for it because there's something in the contract, like they broke, they broke their word or something and they probably still had to pay for that whole trip. Oh my God. Yeah, that was just a bad service. And before the show started, Andy, Andy Cohen tweeted, you guys, watch, watch below deck. It's like down in the Abbey, but on a boat, I was like, listen, I know that you've never watched down in Abbey because it's way above your pay grade, but dude, it's nothing like down in Abbey, those people can speak English properly and they actually do their job and they know their place. Okay. Yeah. Exactly. That was some bullshit. That's hysterical. That's how somebody pitched it to him. Yeah. Exactly. He was like, okay, I'm busy. Okay. Put it on. Let's see. It's like down in Abbey, but with coke heads and dirty bathrobes, I do have some bad news for you guys. Uh oh. This week's episode of Princesses Long Island only delivered 730,000 viewers. Whereas my new favorite show, Below Deck, had its big series premiere on Bravo, I want to say it was on Monday night, and they were able to actually score 1.1 million viewers. So it is already doing that fair because they got the post, uh, the post rural housewives of Orange County. Yeah, they got post OC, but Princesses gets post New Jersey and Jersey is a bigger hit than OC. Well, I think, but everybody sick of the accents by the time Jersey's over like a natural ready costume. I know it's like two months seasons together by region. Can we do that? Yes, please. Um, okay. Well, what did you think? Um, I also watched today for the first time they did like a mini little like half hour special about Below Deck, um, which actually had a lot of different content that was in the premiere. And one of the, the gay boy on the boat is actually a former gay porn star. Who knew? Oh, really? Which one? Oh, we throw that, we throw that word former around so loosely. So loosely. These days it's very true. So flippantly. When it's the internet, it's never former. It's never. Every day is like it's new. Right. I mean, we hoe out on Instagram, I feel like a dirty porn star every once in a while. Getting it out for free, yo. Yeah. Alright. So Below Deck might be around to stay. I don't know. But you know, then they showed the upcoming previews and it's just they're all wasted and half naked and screaming and fighting and throwing stuff. So maybe. Or as, or as Tamara would call it naked wasted. Let's get our naked wasted. I forgot about naked. Um, aren't you obsessed with that uptight chick who thinks she's sexy, who was going to take off her clothes for the dirty gay men on the boat, thinking that they were straight and going to bang her because she's a virgin, but really they wanted to bang the rich, younger one that also looks like a dude. I just, I can't bring myself to carrots. Like neither one of your models stop it there, but they're kind of asking both of you to like put pillowcases on your head for the art. Let's just. There's a reason they're your maids on a yacht and not models. Okay. Both of you just stop fighting. I love that it is so just maids on a boat. It is like that simple. I mean, half of the show, Lisa seriously, like obviously these hour shows end up being like 42 minutes, but a good 20 minutes of this or so is montages of them wiping down toilets in a bathroom. Yeah. I mean, one of the things that girls too bossy is like, "Queen the bathroom yourself." Oh my God. This is fast. I have to be honest. The other big fight of the episode was stop taking a nap. Yes. And she's like, "Well, I didn't mean to." What do you mean you didn't mean to? You were taking a nap. Yeah, but I just fell asleep. I wasn't like trying to take a nap. Well, next time I'm your boss, so next time you're going to take a nap, you need to tell me you're going to take a nap. Well, I would have told you if I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't know what was happening because it just happened. Is this person narcoleptic? That's the show. That's the level of discourse on the show. Well, I have to tell you, it is a secret pleasure of mine to watch white people doing media labor, so it is a nice change. She was yelling at the one rich white girl, the one rich white girl was yelling at another rich white girl to stop taking a nap so she could get up. And then they show her just standing by a laundry machine going, "All I do is laundry." And for some reason, I find this riveting television. I was wrong to say. I don't think it was terrible. It takes eight white people to do two Romannas worth a word. I clearly am the one that needs an intervention, not the princess of Long Island. I love how she acts like she's beating clothes against rocks in a river. It's a fucking machine that does it. They have front loading glamorous washers and dryers to shut the fuck up. Yeah, come call me when your ass is looking for quarters and you don't bank locally. I have top loaders. It's a problem. Okay. Yeah. Top loaders. It's a different world. It's just sitting in there. All right. Well, now that we've got that covered, let's get the hell out of here, you guys. Lisa, thank you so much for joining us for our super-sized screw you, Ben. We don't need you and your naked selfies from Hawaii podcast. Just kidding, Ben. We miss you. Nice arms. Those pushes are really doing you good. God, he loves to flex in a photo these days and I, you know, God bless them. Look at those arms. Those are amazing. I know. Where do you buy them? I don't know. But I want some. I want them to round me. So thank you guys. You can find Lisa on Facebook.com/Ben and Lisa or on Twitter at TimmonsLisa. You can find Matt at Life on the M-List on every social media network ever, including Twitter, Vine, Instagram. But I'm getting off Pinterest because I'm over it. Oh, Pinterest. That's for like moms who like to post pictures of knitting and cats. Sorry, moms, but no. And I am Ronnie. You can find me at TrashTalkTV.com. You can find all my video redubs of the Real Housewives. I'm starting some big brother redubs. The first one will be posted late night tonight or early tomorrow. I'm on Instagram at TrashTalkTV and that's it. Otherwise you can find us on our Facebook page, Facebook.com/WatchWhatCrapins. We have a lot of fun discussions in there. We often read a lot of your comments and stuff on the air. And you guys might notice this podcast is coming out later lately. This is now going to be coming out super, super duper late on Wednesday nights or on Thursday mornings. We've changed our day for the summer. So just deal with that, hey, pop. So thank you so much for joining us, you guys. Come talk to us on Facebook and leave us some good comments and some good ratings on iTunes because we live for that shit. Okay. I read them every day and when there aren't new ones, it makes me very sad people. Very sad. Yeah. Feed Matt's ego, you guys. It's a hungry, hungry. Let's not forget guys, happy 4th of July. Go America. You guys, independence, independence, not an independent. What's that Beyonce? What's that? Destiny's Child song. Independent woman. Independent woman. All the ladies with Mercedes. Throw your pants on a bad man. Please do not intro this podcast with that song. Too late. Too late. This, you guys, this is comedic genius because it's a callback. Did you like that? Yeah. Team Kelly. Team Michelle. Not Team Beyonce. Okay. Now you can hit N. How dare. Bye everybody. Love you. Mean that comment. [Music] If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. The folks behind the side show network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait for It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger, slicing driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name on Liza, our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down Internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer, just go to youtube.com/waitforaccomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. In Monday, Josh Leibarger made his status, followed by a frowny face, it got one like in five comments, including dislike. Well Josh, Geico also wants to make a comment. 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