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Hurry, this offer ends soon, so order today. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Watch What Craftends, a podcast dedicated to all that crap we loved to watch on Bravo. My name is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo! And joining me is always our Ben Mandelker from Beside Blog and Ronnie Karim from TV Gasm. Say hello. Hi. Hello. So guys, we have much to discuss this week, obviously, as we always do. But before we do that, we want to give a huge shout out to all of our users, our listeners, our fans. You guys are amazing. You came through for me on the iTunes page by leaving more five-star comments. We love those, and if you guys are not paying attention to our Facebook page, you definitely need to get involved. We're at facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins. You can also follow the phone on Twitter @whatcrapins. You can follow me, Matt Whitfield @lifeonthemlist. You can follow Ben @ besideblog, and you can follow Ronnie @TVgasm. Yeah. And people should definitely come to the Facebook page because it is off the hook. We have so many people who are putting stuff on our page now, it's hard to even keep up. We are almost at 1400 followers, which a few weeks ago, I want to say we were like at 800. So I'm very impressed. Yeah, absolutely. And we know we also put up content there that's not on the show. So for instance, about an hour before this podcast, I had nothing to do, so I took screenshots of Gretchen Rossi's home and highlighted all her different TJ Maxx type of decor elements. Which is, by the way, that's becoming one of my favorite because we have sub-franchise, or we actually have franchises on our Facebook page, and one of them is the Gretchen Rossi decor essentials, and Ben, you just took it to a whole 'nother level. And by the way, some of our users are so obsessed and crazy, just like the three of us, that they are actually now going into Ross, TJ Maxx, and Marshall's, and taking photos of the decor that is typically found in the Real Housewives of Orange County's kitchens. I know I can't wait to go myself. It's strange that I haven't been to Marshall's in the past eight weeks. Like I'm normally there once every two weeks. I can't wait to go in there with my camera and just take pictures of everything, because if there's one thing that we've learned from Gretchen Rossi is that there's never enough TJ Maxx decor in your house. There's always room for more. That is true. That is true. Ronnie, have you purchased anything recently at a Ross TJ Maxx or Marshall's? I got a new nonstick panic Ross, and I also got some new jogging pants, but then I got home and realized that they don't have a back pocket, and they're only half-lined because that's how Ross is. Wait, do you know what I bought this week? Please don't tell me that you go to the Ross at the Beverly Connection. It is the Ghettoist, I know that's not a word, but it is the Ghettoist Ross I've ever been in. No, because I don't approve of their parking there. I think that they intentionally get you lost. Where Ross do you go to, not the one across the road? We talked about this last week. He goes to the one on Sunset in La Brea with all the homeless people in the parking lot. That's my home store with the walking dead set outside, and then I occasionally go to the third in Beverly, and if I'm feeling really crazy, I'll go to Western and Western and what a Hollywood. Listen, yeah. Western is way too east. It gets scary over there. I used to live there. Trust me. I know. Anyone who knows anyone who knows anything about TJ Maxx, Ross, and Marshals know that there's only two places to go. One is the aforementioned Beverly Connection with its confusing parking lot, and the other is the Empire Center in Burbank, which has huge options on all fronts. But oddly enough, HomeGoods, the only one that's nearby, you have to go to Glendale, which is a whole other issue. What's the thing about this? Yeah. That's good. I ended up buying a car. I was on my way to HomeGoods, and I was like, I'll go test drive a car for fun, and I'm such a sucker. I might as well have boobs. I mean, I'm sorry, ladies, but you know it's true. The HomeGoods in Lyle, all time in history, and I'm the worst, too. I'm like, OK, I'll buy a car with money I don't have. And speaking of boobs, you did buy a lady car. I'm not going to lie. I did. I bought a lady car, and I actually grew bigger boobs since I bought that car. Did you buy the Jennifer Lopez edition of the Fiat? No, I have the-- no, she has the cream-colored one, right? She had the cream-colored 500cc special JLo edition. Yeah. No. You don't have a convertible, but I have a black with a red top, and like a built-in bra that holds my boobs up all the time. I didn't know you were a top. I'm about to say, it seems to really be missing a TJ Maxx diva margarita glass to go right in the cup holder. Gretchen Rossi style. There's also-- They're just small. Those are the most rickety cars ever invented the Fiat. Do you have a-- They should be sold at TJ Maxx. Do you have a license plate holder that says I'd rather be shopping at TJ Maxx? That's bedazzled. No, but I actually did go to Ross because they have an automotive section. I mean-- Stop. It's not a section, but it's like a little tiny half aisle where the kids-- Okay, do not-- Wait a second. No, I don't believe you for a second. I don't want anything associated with my car that came from a budget clothing store, okay? It's like-- these are like the Ross Restful Less shocks, because you might be in for a shock. I have some brake pads at the Ross Dress For Less. What are you talking about? You're transmission at Ross. I bought lit gas and brake pedal. They're lit, but I couldn't install them. I didn't know how to do it, right? You didn't buy some bedazzled fuzzy dice. And the Fiat doesn't have holes to put your license plate in. So instead of drilling them, I was trying to find a license plate holder that I could glue on to the car. Listen, Ronnie, you going to Ross for things for your car makes as much sense. As me deciding to go to AutoZone to find my next queued outfit, okay? Listen, it's me, everybody knows it, because everybody knows my name up in the Ross. They're like, "What's that, mister?" It's just my name when I go to Ross, so they got it. It's Mister? Yeah. Like, Layton Mister. People tell me-- people asking me my name in Ross, I say, "It's Mister." And they're like, "Okay, mister." Okay, so anyway, this show is about Bravo. And I think we do, oh, you all-- hello, my name is Ronnie, and I'm an alcoholic after last week's episode. Oh, okay, let's get our apologies out of the way right now. First of all, my boyfriend's name is Jesus, not Jesus. Let's get it straight, people don't get it twisted. Uh-huh. Okay. So I'm sorry. That's the only thing I need to clear up, because, you know, I don't have anything else to apologize for. Yeah, I have nothing to apologize for, nothing there. Okay, so what else happened on-- okay, so you guys want to talk some gossip first? Yeah. Well, I want to talk gossip, but before we do that, I just wanted to bring up the amazing Instagram photo that I shared earlier this week. Yeah, that was amazing. Which Bravo TV posted, which my birthday is in two weeks, and I need to have this shirt. It says, "Who is Adrian Maloof in this world?" And the hottest piece of hot is wearing it, and-- Did you ask him where he got it? I don't know. No, I don't know who is even wearing it. Bravo posted it. I know for a fact that-- Oh, I thought you took that picture. No, that's not me, and I didn't take that photo. I reposted it, or I re-grammed it, #regrammed from Bravo TV. Ronnie didn't even pay attention, even though I called him out in the post. But our friends, Yummy Wasabi, Juts, and Gaga Garza certainly did, but Ronnie did. Yes, I did. I put OMG or something. Oh, no, wait. I put a real intelligent comment. Your comment was Amaze. Yeah. You see? That was a well-fought-out comment. Okay, well, the point is, who's buying me that shirt for my birthday on May 13th? Andy Cohen. Jesus. That's not your mom, Shari from Shari's Barricune. Shari's Barricune. Ben, can you say it with a Long Island accent for me? Shari's Barries. Thank you. Which actually is a perfect segue map because we were emailed or messaged some gossip about Long Island Princesses. We need to talk about it because I'm going to be honest. I don't know that there is a show I have ever looked more forward to in my life. I know. I haven't looked this forward to a show since I did that spin-off of the Golden Girls called the Golden Palace. Oh, with Don Chino. Oh, my God. That only lasted one season and it didn't even include Be Arthur. Yeah. Yeah. She got married. I wonder if they had golden showers at the Golden Palace. I'm sure Don Chino had to start somewhere. Well, and we know Blanche was a slut and she would do anything. Oh, yeah. She was the one giving it. Who knew that that show wouldn't be funny without Dorothy? I mean, none of them were funny on that show. Speaking of my birthday, I share the same birthday as Be Arthur. She would probably approve from the grave if somebody purchased me that Adrien Maloof tank top. All right. So, we'll give Matt another chance to ask for that tank top in a moment. But first, let me read this gossip. Okay. So this guy emailed it in and he says, "My friend works at Bravo. I've seen that Long Island Princesses show and it is insane. They're all nuts and he wrote nuts with a Z. Wait for the episode when they're all at the backyard barbecue and a drunk girl accuses one of the princesses boyfriend of being gay. They all flip out and the drunk girl won't let up. It's hilarious. Now here comes the mother stuff." He says, "Wait, wait. Pause. Surprise. Bravo likes to have fights happen at backyard dinner parties." I know. He says, "I can also tell you that lots of crazy stuff was filmed for the New Jersey Housewives, but Bravo is making edits to make Caroline look better. I think Bravo thinks the Manzo clan is untouchable. The other ladies are free to bash on, but not Caroline." So I guess he's saying that they're allowed to bash on everyone else except Caroline. So the moment when it is revealed at a party, attended by Lil Kim no less, that Caroline's husband is cheating on her, that moment will not be shown. Also, the final fight where Jacqueline, her hubby, and Joe Gorga fight a guy at a party and draw blood, they're trying to not have on the show. Plus, they were going to have Danielle and Dina back, but Bravo messed it up by not giving them more money. If you want Danielle's brand of crazy, you've got to pay up. I have much to talk about there. Are there still more that you're going to ramble on about or can I talk about? Well, listen, I'm just seeing if there's any other pieces of gossip. He says some other stuff about Ramona and Aviva, but we don't know if any of this is true, by the way. Okay. Before you get into it, let's talk about this, though, because one of the big things that is popping this week is the upcoming season of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, A Complete Fraud, are all of these women just acting, and, more importantly, is Caroline just faking everything in order to keep her family all on the show, all getting paid, social put on a happy face and play along with Teresa. Well, I mean, obviously, she's doing this for the money. That's what they all are doing. And I never really think that they're acting, because if any of these women could act as well as what we see, then they would have careers as actors. Well, we know that Teresa cannot act, but Caroline, I know, was, you know, she deserved to be pulled through the ringer or whatever you call it last season, because she was awful. But now she's trying to save face the way we've seen so many of these women in the past do. And I think that the ship has sailed. I'm never going to be Team Caroline again. I don't think I'm team any of these women. Maybe Melissa. Well, I don't know why they're hiding the fact that her husband cheated on her, because it's been all over the news, because usually that happens, like after they film something is revealed, they all run to radar online or whatever. So it looks like they were the ones who put it out there in the first place. So I don't know why they try and hide that now. I mean, I guess the most interesting thing about that and the questions that all the audience is going to have is how did that guy get a boner? I mean, that guy barely looks like he can walk across the room to find the remote control. I think he has lap and surgery every other week. So I would think that that would prevent him from getting a heart on. I would think so. He's probably doing the helicopter like crazy. He's probably going to swing that thing off one day. Maybe he just has a Bonnie Franklin fetish. Did you just say the helicopter? Yeah, the helicopter is when you make your wiener like fly around like a helicopter so you can get it working. Okay, we're less than 30 minutes into the podcast and Matt has officially clutched his pearls. See, and I'm imagining that in front of Caroline's face, and then of course, like I just mentioned before, Caroline always makes me think of Bonnie Franklin dearly departed. And now I'm getting divisions of her family playing throw the ham because they love to play throw the ham. I'm imagining Schneider doing the helicopter in front of Bonnie Franklin. And Vali Bernelli Schneider is more fuckable than that man's old person, Schneider then or Schneider now, both, but together, Schneider is wearing the two belts or not wearing the two. I would rather have a three way with future Schneider and pass Schneider than ever see Caroline. I feel like on a spit in between old Schneider and new Schneider with, with, with Valerie Bernelli and what's her face, the one who had sex with her dad. What was her name? China Phillips's sister. Yeah. Mackenzie Phillips. I would rather I would rather be witnessing Mackenzie Phillips childhood trauma with old and future Schneider next to me naked to be in bed with Caroline Mansa. I would rather have sex with the dead guy from empty nests and Christy Mcnickel, his co-star from, from empty nest, then be in the presence of a naked Caroline. I would rather have sex with Diana Manoff and and she, Diana Manoff and Dreyfus. Did Jen just bring up Diana Manoff and and Dreyfus the dog as well as David leisure next door, then be involved in the towel that cleaned up the pee that that guy got a golden shower with on the set of golden palace. I would rather be spanked by park overall. Okay. Laverne from empty nest, I would rather be, I can't even say that I would rather be in Max Wright's crack den, Max Wright that father from elf who was busted famously for doing crack with homeless men. She was. Yes. Look it up on the internet. It's really disturbing their pictures. I would rather be handcuffed by Marsha Warfield from night court before she ended up on empty nest. Oh my God. I would rather, I would rather have intimate moments with past and future Paul Provenza who also had a guest arc on empty nest then girl on my own zone. You guys, it's important that we get back to Bravo. So tell me this. Where is park overall? What happened to her? I don't know. I think she should be on the real housewives of Nashville. I think park overall is probably dealing blackjack on a boat floating down the Mississippi right now and selling cigarettes. So what other gossip do we have? What? Okay, we have a lot. Let's talk about this. Okay. We're gonna talk about Jersey's faking stupid. Yes. Jersey's faking stupid. Moving on. Okay. Let's talk Beverly Hills for a second. Adrian Maloof is now claiming that she is getting a reality show that is not on Bravo, but a separate reality show and in other Beverly Hills news. What is it? What is it? What is the show? What's it going to be on? Well, she doesn't know and we don't know what network is going to be on, but she's claiming this. It's like her book deal that she got. Yes. But I definitely think that it should definitely involve lots of Bernie. I think it should be her crying while burning cooks. Yeah. That is not going to happen that shows not going to happen. And the only way it is going to happen is if she produces it herself and it's going to be on like the TV guide channel. I just hope no one, you know, like on the premiere, nothing bad happens because I wouldn't want like a repeat of what happened when Lisa was trying to renew her vows and everything. You know, that was just. I love that Ben hasn't had time to record any new audio clips, so we're going back to Camille. That's all I need. Well, I can give you a candy. You want to hear a candy? No, save it for later. I can give you a Kim Richards. I'm saving for later. I think that Adrian's reality show will probably be playing on one of those free channels in the palms, a hotel on all the TVs, maybe, maybe totally yes, and you're going to get to see like the sea list born that you can watch. Right. And she'll be like, it's seen by millions and actually no, it's just one of those free channels on the, the palms, they tell you about the buffet and like where the boss services where you get your hair, pencil. Can you imagine? Can you imagine Adrian Maloof next to like some hideous floral arrangement next to the buffet be like, calm down and try the shrimp cocktail. Pull close is at 10 and I ain't kidding. No wonder the palms is going into foreclosure or something. Okay, Taylor's, I was about to say Taylor Swift. She's actually worse than Taylor Swift, which is hard to imagine, but Taylor Armstrong has been downgraded to friend of the housewives. What do we think? Boo. Well, she's still on it. That's something she's, she's got, she fought too hard to get into this zip code to leave now. I actually think this is really sad news because Taylor is an alcoholic who is never going to get clean and Taylor drunk on TV is my favorite thing ever. Here's what I want. I want to spin off with Taylor and Dana being drunk and miserable on the sidelines. They're in 90212, you know, which is real. Yeah. I want, I want Taylor and Dana to work at a temp agency. I'm like, every episode could be them trying to temp. And you know what it should be called this, and this is a phrase that is used in this area, especially on like Craig's list and stuff, but there's spinoff should be called Beverly Hills adjacent. Yes. Or it could be like their names. It could be like Dana and Taylor or Taylor, Dana, Taylor, Dane, Taylor, Dane should be on the show. Taylor. Taylor, Taylor, Dane will play their boss at the, at the agency and the Taylor, Dane agency, the Taylor, Dane agency and she'll she'll dress like Amanda Woodward from Melrose Place and Taylor and Dana will be working their butts off to stay in 90210 and rent like a shitty little apartment in Beverly Hills adjacent on, um, what's that Street area? No, they have to be like on Fairfax between Little Ethiopia and the Grove. Yeah. And their receptionist is played by park overall. Yes. Oh my god. Finally. I did. Dry fish. Dry fish is there too. There was just a joke to me until you said that. Yeah. And the ghost of Richard Mulligan and, and Bonnie Franklin will. And the synergy, um, this is all part of the NBC universal family, so we could easily get it on NBC because they have nothing else to show. No, this, I bet this would be their biggest sitcom since Whitney. You know what? It would bring back the Thursday night, you know, dream that NBC used to have Thursday night, 8 p.m. This is our show. Must see TV. Must see TV. I would. Honestly, I would watch it. Okay. There was a rumor that Gigi and Paul, um, Adrian's ex were dating because they were seen together at some restaurant. I don't buy it for a second. Oh god. I didn't, I didn't know he had a thing for munchkin faces. Gigi only has eyes for homosexual men with huge noses. Yeah. And he's, he's only, Paul's only got eyes for brontosaurus dakes. Yeah. Well, maybe Gigi wants to sort of like go into the, into the realm of back hair extensions. What would Reza say about this? Oh my. I'm like, I gotta, I gotta warm up, I haven't done it in a while. That's so Persian. You should be. Oh my god. Homegirl is like totally dating a plastic surgeon. Like that is like so Persian, like white girls, like the actors, but like Persians like the day plastic surgeons and realtors like, Oh my god, Homegirl has to get it right. Now give me a crumbly cookie. Um, the other gossip from Beverly Hills was that Marissa isn't coming back. I know that's a shocker, but she made that like weeks ago. She made such an impact. Just a huge interview, guys, and she is not coming back. All right. Spread the word. What do you think? Nobody cares because she was so boring and the only person that we're going to miss from her clan is her crazy ass mother. Yeah, that's true. Well, one of her, one of her quotes in it, well, and actually it's not a quote because I'm not quoting her, but something she said in it was she's like, Oh, I've never really cared about reality TV. I mean, selling LA and Beverly Hills and million dollar listing LA all came after me. Okay, when was she on million dollar listing LA? I don't remember that. I've watched her on selling LA. I don't remember at all. Guess what? Nobody cares. Who even read that stupid article that she put out? Nobody cares. Michael cooked it. That's who. We love. We love Michael. Yeah. Michael probably wrote it. Yeah, Michael. Hey, Michael. He's knowing your true headlines, he'll be like, what did Marissa Xanax say that could change the game forever click versus Alex not coming back to someone lost their leg on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Who is it? Teresa, Teresa didn't eat her leg of lamb. It's like, Oh my God, you tricky little bastards. I clicked on that because I trusted in you, Michael Cook. Yeah. Don't trust him. Don't trust him. Or move on because we should probably move on here. Realest Docker, which is one of my favorite real estate blogs, is fascinating. And they are saying that Lydia, the new addition to the Real Housewives of Orange County, rented her house about a month before shooting began on the current season in Dana Point where she's now neighbors with Alexis Bellino, who also was renting her house that's on the show in Dana Point because it's closer to Lydia, it's closer to the other females. And actually, Alexis lives in some other place called Sam something and I don't even know. Probably Azusa. Probably. San Clemente. Azusa with. San Azusa. San Azusa with Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh, Shinneh. So Lydia and Alexis are both frauds more so than we thought neither of them paid cash for their houses and they both rented mansions to shoot the show I think they're both wives of entrepreneurs. They're both children of G-O-D. We're getting to a point where this is, I mean, it's too f-ed up. Like that is Vicki's house in Kota da Kaza. That is clearly Heather's monstrosity and clearly that's Gretchen's shack in some nasty dumpy neighborhood adjacent to Vicki's neighborhood. I do not like that these people can rent a house for a season. I think it's messed up. You know, it makes me admire Lynn Curtin all the more because she at least had the balls to let her eviction play out on camera and all her fraudulent ways just play out for all of us to take in. I don't know why they ever got rid of her and thank you to whoever put the cuff love up. I did. Did you not love our cover photo on Facebook that I posted from Lynn Curtin's designer Bedazzled Jesus Florida Lee Cuffs? You know why I really loved it because I actually had to drive through Orange County last week? For what? I had to meet a friend down in Oceanside which meant I had to... That has no friend of yours. I had to buy some size. Did you go to another goddamn brunch? No, no, no, it's no, no brunch. But anyway, I had to drive through Orange County. Look, Ronnie, do you hear Ben like icing over this? Who are you going to see, bitch? I would sell my friend. Which one? Uh huh. What friend? Does he play for the Dalek? Does he play for the Dallas Cowboys? No. It is my friend and his boyfriend and we had a lovely dinner. What? You expanded your Grindr search. You got sick of all the boys. Listen, listen, do you think I would ever expand my Grindr search to include anything from Orange County? Oh snap. Bye. That's great. Time to be a sequel to Boys in the Hood, Boys in the Hood 2. But it should be a gay straight to DVD movie about Grindr. And shit, at least in the OC, you never have jobs. I don't like our damn neighborhood. I don't think that's, they'll be, okay, they'll be working like a t-shirt shop. I'll take a t-shirt shop over a non-working actor. Thank you very much. Me too. I can't, I can't. That was a Starbucks loser. I can't tell you how many okay cupid dates I have been on. And it's been like, oh yeah, I'm an actor slash I don't work. Yeah, I once had a date with a guy who was like a actor, model, waiter, wannabe singer, just anything that was like potentially creative, he was at fashion designer. It's rough going out there. It is. You guys, because we're doing this podcast right now, I've just got an email from Guess Who. Fresh and easy. Oh. It. It. I did free taco shelters Friday plus special coupons. Coupons are delicious. I can't wait to make some tacos in my living room that's been designed to look like in jar. Well, you'd be inviting Sharon Lawrence, or not Sharon Lawrence Sharon Hospital. I've been inviting Sharon Lawrence as well, because I enjoy my and my beauty blue. Okay, two quick, two quick things. Jacqueline Loretta is saying that she was the victim of a break in. And this is also coming when Jack can't be paying her mortgage and I sense a fraudulent insurance claim. Look into that police and the other piece is for all of the for all of the policemen that are listening to our show right now. You know, there's got to be some there's there are gay people everywhere. Look at them. There are in the NBA and on the police force. Yeah. Yeah. And now Sonia Morgan is reportedly dating a 23 year old real estate guy in New York name. Something balloon good, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Sorry. I'm sorry to be right. E-bong. Is it E-bong? It's totally E-bong from the real housewives of Washington, D.C. Did someone wait someone post that didn't someone post that on our Facebook page? Yes. They say they saw Linda. That's her name. Right? Linda. No, they didn't just see it on the side of the road. To Linda's agency in D.C. and knocked on the door and said, hi, I'm a fan. Can I take a photo? And Linda being super crazy was like, yes, come on in and take a photo with me. Why not? Yeah. Why not? What else is she doing? I mean, I mean, I have a hard time believing the modeling industry in D.C. is taking up that much of her time. Hey, hey, hey. I'm from D.C. There are models there. Yeah. Models like here's here's a model of the White House. Oh, sing. This is from the guy who posted a photo of my mad men look alike, where I am dumpy with bad hair and wearing an ugly tie. Thanks, Ben. Listen, it was because, no, I had to do it to defend your honor because someone else said, oh, this is who Ben was talking about and posted a picture of someone way worse. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Besides, it was the sixties, Matt. Everyone had floppy hair. Your hair doesn't look like that right now. I'm going to get a fade tomorrow. I'm very excited. Well, you know what? Everyone should go to Matt's Instagram to see what he really looks like. Oh, my God. By the way, a lot of new followers, and it's kind of creepy, but I'm going to stick with it. I haven't really gotten any new followers, but I do want to point out, um, it's because you're taking too many photos of the Golden Gate Bridge and not enough selfless shirtless selfies. Come on. I don't do shirtless selfies. I have, I have the body of some God forsaken lump of clothes in the back of Ross dress for less. Throw them on the floor. Yeah. That's the only kind that's in the back of Ross. Yeah. People just throw that shit on the floor. Yeah. And by the way, speaking of that, I want to give a shout out to, um, Roland Poland, uh, who took a picture all the way from Australia of, uh, all sorts of housewives junk, which was one thing was a, um, Eiffel Tower. It was hilarious. It's like an, it's a picture of like an Eiffel Tower that's like superimposed onto a letter that says like, my dear friend, it makes no sense, but it's classic Rossi. And then there's also a little, there's a little thing that says like friends and good food on the board and good wine and the pictures we show, we live. It's like weird. It's again, classic Rossi. You've got to see it. Makes sense. And then a little, um, it looks like it's a little mirror that has a frame that looks like Paris. So we, I appreciate that Roland, um, so once again, uh, besides Roland Poland from Australia, you guys all need to follow us on Facebook, become a fan, get involved. It's Facebook.com forward slash watch what crappings. We are getting so much original artwork as well. There's a guy named Yarrow Slav. I don't know who you are, but you keep posting scary pictures of Lydia's horse mouth that have given me nightmares for weeks. And I love it. And I have to give a shout out also to Heather Evans because she, um, put up a screen cap of one of Gretchen Rossi's tweets. This is hilarious. Someone said, someone named Cortlin, Cortlin Miller, uh, asked Gretchen, Hey, where did you get the turquoise starfish necklace? You were in the first two episodes and Gretchen writes back TJ Maxx actually. No, she did not. She did. And on top of that, she misspelled this. She wrote, you need to shop. I need a moment of silence for this. You are kidding me. She did not. Gretchen wrote it and she wrote it wrong. She wrote TJ Maxx, which is that's like the TJ Maxx version of TJ Maxx. That's even more discount. Yeah. That's the leftovers from TJ Maxx where they ship it off to a, where Ross won't even buy it. It's the Mexican pinata candy of discount stores. Oh my God, that is crazy. TJ Maxx. That's hilarious. I'm looking through a few things on Facebook right now. Ben, did you see that, um, Hey, Sue's posted something about Dr. Simone's nephew being your boyfriend? Yeah. And he's hot, Dr. Simone's nephew. Is that, is that who you're visiting in Riverside? Uh, I wish. No, uh, that picture all that, that to me that confirmed everything I was saying. Look, it's like a young Donald Glover, Glover. You guys, I can't find the parts that's posted from other people. Where is that? Ben and I, uh, revoked your access. Sorry, honey. Yeah. Oh God, I got fired at a did. You did. Well, okay. Should we move on to, uh, Orange County? Yes. We're not even drunk this week. We have no excuse for this mess. Well, except we've been actually talking about Bravo. Oh my God. There's some from Gretchen Rossi. What a, she is such a trash bag. She's, as, as Vicki would say, she's stupid. She's stupid. Vicki just cuts to the chase. I love that. Okay. Let's talk Housewives. He's a stupid person. I took a full on page of notes. So I'm just going to ramble through and have you guys talk about. So someone has to die, Matt. Is that what you're telling me? So someone has to die before you through your notes. I'm pulling him up. Somebody's dead or chained to a fence. I have to slip me my wrist, I have to slip my wrist. Okay. Let's talk about this. Was Alexis being bullied or not Lydia, who is, uh, an Alexis ally even says she was not being bullied. Uh, she was not being bullied. Yes. Alexis was being bullied. Yes. She was being bullied. Listen, just because you are like, you're in an argument with people and you're outnumbered does not means you're being bullied. It just means that you are outnumbered. That is all. That was three girls being mean to her on purpose. No one made any effort and then they all start they like, Tamra purposely started shit with her at that party. Like she didn't even let her be nice to start to be nice. Yes. Here's what becomes bullying. Ben, here's what's happening. Ronnie and I are defending Alexis and you need to deal with it. You guys are such bullies. Okay. Well, then what did you guys. I am the spokesman for Skyzone. Okay. And I am like a trampoline, whatever you say bounces off me and hits you. I thought you were about to say Shari's barriers. Shari's barriers. Here's why it's not bullying. Okay. It would have been bullying. If the three of them were sitting there just truly like taunting her, you know. They were. No, no, no. They were being mean. They're being mean for sure, but they were being mean and they were gang up in their arguments. They were not being like, look at your stupid face. You're just a stupid face. You're ugly. You're ugly. Why don't you go home? Why don't you die? That's bullying. They were. That's not how you look. Gretchen was making little comments every time Alexis said anything. She was making little comments. Well, she was being a bitch. She was. I think it's, I mean, it's actually subtle to you. You know, like making comments, not too Alexis, but to everybody else, like mocking Alexis, Tamara was openly mocking her when she was just trying to be nice. Heather was. But Tamara wasn't. Tamara wasn't mocking. Tamara was just being a bitch. I know that sounds like the same thing. That is not doing what Tamara did justice. She was beyond disgusting. Oh, she certainly was. She was a hideous human being, but I still don't think that it was bullying. I really don't. I really. And I actually agree with Heather and other people who say that for people to hide behind this bullying thing, it really cheapens the people who truly are being bullied. Oh, okay. Look, I'm sorry here, but we're three homos, so we're allowed to talk about this for real. I'm not gay. I don't think. Okay, that's why you were visiting a boyfriend in Rancho Cucamonga last week. Okay, I'm sorry. But just because bullying got popular a few years ago and because Glee made it all about gay people getting bullied, I don't want to. Other people are bullied and bullying doesn't always just have to be about the way somebody looks or somebody's sexuality. It can be about three people being an asshole and attacking another person. Well, I don't know what people I get what Ben saying because, you know, it should be reserved for people who really get it bad in life. And Alexis is some little rich twit and people don't want to say that. That is true. I give in. I'm not going to fight this bad for her. There's definitely some, there's some, there's some shades of gray here. I think in Costa Rica, she was definitely not being bullied. I think they were trying to, they were trying to give her constructive criticism. This time around, they for sure were meaner and they were bitchier and they were writing that line and you could, I mean, you could make an argument that they were bullying, but I think it was still a shade less. I still do. I still think it was a shade less. Are you reading 50 shades of gray because everything is getting shady up in your speech? You know, like bullying, there are many other times that you can use the word shade. Well, I feel like I need to clarify. I do feel like Alexis has been bullied, but I completely approve of the bullying and I hope that they change her to offense because there are people who deserve it and Alexis is one of those my god pearls have been clutched again. So okay, let's, I would, I would bully, I would, if she put up a Trevor project video about being bullied, I would leave hate comments on it. Like that's how I feel about her. I just spit onto my computer. I would like, I would like her and Kelly Bensonone to have a round table discussion about bullying and what it means to them. Do you know who I would like to be bullied? Heather, because I hate her guts and Gretchen, because I hate her guts even more. Well, Heather, skate mom, thin eyes messing with Tamara. Tamara almost beat her with Jay. Yeah. Okay. How funny was that? So Heather then defends Vicki by saying, you know, Tamara, you were being disgusting and you were like using too many curse words and you told Vicki that she could fuck off too. And then Tamara lashes out like a psychopath that we know she is. And then Tamara's about to cut Heather's throat. Well, I, I, I personally like that Tamara's like, what you want to get thrown out to as if like to be thrown out of this party held in a giant garage is like the biggest shame in the world. Like, oh no, Heather, you might miss out on hearing some echo conversation in an office part. This is not like getting thrown out of the Oscars. Yeah, you're not getting thrown out of them. You're not going to get the chicken and nuggets I had put on toothpicks like dip into that honey rant. Like, I really love that what Tamara's holding over these women. Well, Vicki and Gretchen on hold on, because Heather wasn't saying, oh, you were being so mean. She was, she was kissing Tamara's ass, but Tamara was so mad that she almost kicked her out because she was just saying, well, at least Vicki was showing that she was on your side. Right. Tamara Tamara can't even see through the hate because she was so blinded by her craziness. Tamara's that crazy bitch in school that everybody hates, but everybody follows because they're afraid of getting beat up by her. Would you make sure the queen of the mean girls exactly? Exactly. I also liked, by the way, the sub argument that between Vicki and Gretchen, yeah, Vicki is going, I'm not scared of you, and Gretchen just goes stupid, stupid again. You're, I'm saying you're a stupid person. You're stupid. Oh, really? Really? Oh, you sure told me? Yeah, I did. Wow. You too. Debate club. Yeah. Meanwhile, Lydia's like, whoa. Oh, I'm fine. I don't have it in me to laugh. Whoa. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. That's so funny. Okay. So. Speaking of Lydia. She went outside to try and comfort Alexis, but Vicki stayed inside because Vicki is pretending that, you know, she's trying to play both sides of this slash, she needs to get to the bottom of all the drama. And this is when the two best quotes of the season were delivered by Alexis where she says, I had to go on Xanax for it, Lydia, followed by, I should just go home and slit my wrists. No, no. Well, she didn't say just, I, I have to go home and slit my wrist. Lydia was saying, listen, for you to say this bullying, you know, people, people die, like the people, they're people who are dying because of bullying. You know, you're sort of cheaping it. So then Alexis turns it around and says, so someone has to die. Someone has to die for to, to realize these women are bullying me. I have to slit my wrists. Okay. Okay, that's where I've decided she's not being bullied and she should just be slapped upside the face. I just, when she said, so someone has to die, that was, I, I lost it. And the Xanax thing, you know, she probably was not on Xanax. She probably was eating, you know, lifesavers. She was probably eating tic-tacs and orphaned stones vitamins. Someone probably fed her like some like Hanukkah guilt and she's like, Oh, well, this is from a Jewish person. So it must be medication. Well, you are, you're all doctors except for you, a bravo podcaster. Yeah. Your mom's so proud. My, my other favorite quote was, um, was when Vicki and Alexis and, and Lydia were riding home and Vicki was rehashing the whole baby thing. That correction was like, is it your baby? And because I so stupid to say that. And then she's like, I'm going to love on that baby to the day I die. And I can tell you that one of my notes here that I actually took notes while I watched this was quote, love on him. And then next to that, I have dash Vicki and then I have next to that and all caps stop at exclamation point. I cannot handle when you keep saying love on him. She has to write an Arby's R&B song immediately, like team up with genuine or something. Like, I'm going to love on that baby to the day I die. Hey, what's, can we talk about Vicki's face? I know we've talked about it a lot and I don't want to, you know, we don't have to do it for the whole show, but yeah, every time I see her, you know, every time I see her, I don't think she looks that different. But then when they show flash backs, I was going to say, oh my God, I'm so with Brianna to get the surgery. And I was like, that is a different woman. Oh my God. This was, I was, I'm so glad you brought that up because when I was watching the show, I was like, this is like, this is like the, this is your life of Vicki's face. You know, it was like 50 shades of Vicki's face. They brought back like a flashback from every season. Somehow they worked it in, in this one episode, they had a better face from season one, they did it from like season four, season five, season seven. But then they had her pull out like, then they had her pull out a photo album where she's showing Brianna about giving birth and they should have her cut up badge while she was giving a C section and then they didn't see Vicki's face from the 80s, which is completely different from the Vicki from season one. It was honestly like the most wonderful display of plastic surgery. By the way, did we need to see that photo of the C section? I was trying to eat my dinner. You know, I actually happened to be looking down and I looked up at the last second and it like went away and I was like, you know what, I'm not going to go back to see what that red splotch was. I mean, I was delivered via C section and I, I just don't know why women have children. I don't get it. I don't either. I think we should just have the human race die out. The reason why they have children are proof of that. I know. Stasi is the proof of that. I know. Okay, I have a few more things that I need to touch here. When they went back inside and Tamara is still ranting like a psychopath, she snaps at Vicki and she goes, so what now your team Alexis and I just makes me think that she's a complete hypocrite because, you know, Tamara was the one who was always so evil to Gretchen, but now they're best friends. Do these two dummies not see that they are doing exactly what they hate about Vicki and Alexis? I would require some sort of personal introspection or perspective or critical analysis or something like that that they clearly don't have. Like pretty much the most that they can do is randomly recall this one little argument in San Francisco where Alexis got mad at Vicki, like from three seasons ago, all of a sudden they keep trotting this thing out as if it was a seminal moment in all their lives. A seminal moment of bullying, you know, that's all that they can do. That's all Gretchen can do. Is that the scene where they just keep showing Breanne, like, shoveling a Caesar salad down her gullet? Yes. She's going to love on that salad the day she does. That's the next tank top I need made by Bravo T.P. She's going to love on that Caesar salad. So do you guys think it was interesting that Vicki's family came in town and her brother said exactly what I've been saying for the past three weeks? What is that? The brother said a lot of things. Oh, the refrigerator is moldy. That must mean that Don's out of town. Wait, wait, wait, wait. He sounds like he also smokes four cartons of cigarettes and sits by a NASCAR all day. So he had a little more twang and some more smoke to that. He's like, "Who's twang? Where's Don at?" He's like, "Where's Danny? You used to hold this hole in my throat for me so I could chat." By the way, I'm seeing too many commercials of that dead smoker lady with the whole river throat on TV. It grosses me out. It's soon to be played by Park overall in a TV movie. I would rather see, and I can't believe I'm admitting this, I would rather see the commercials of the dead dogs with Sarah McLaughlin's angel playing in the background than I would of the old dead lady with the neck hole. Oh, yeah. I hate that lady. Me too. You know what? How come when our dog loses a leg, the doctor's like, "Put it down." But when an old 70-year-old lady with the hole in her throat is on a commercial, everyone's like, "Let's find a way to keep her alive." Hey, listen, you guys, if I ever have a hole in my throat and I'm 70, just fucking kill me. Pour something down that hole. Pour some drink. Pour some drink that way, Michael. Okay. Whoever, one of our users likes to post the photos of the podcast and that is taking the cake right now. I mean, we're only like an hour into this, but pour some Drano down my hole is up there, Ronnie. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, that's a great moment. It's almost as good as you sang last week. Like something about the brand is not the same. You said, "What flavor are you drinking?" "I'm drinking bex," and then Ronnie quietly said, "That's a brand, not a flavor." Well, yeah. You guys were drunk. I mean, I was just embarrassed for you guys last week. I love whoever. I'm looking it up. I forgot her name. I think her name might be Emily, but she always writes down her favorite quotes and I love it because it makes me feel like we're kidding me. I love the quotes. I love the quotes. Okay. I don't have a few more things to talk about. Sure. Because I didn't say what he agreed with me. He agreed with me on that whole, "Well, I don't like this kid coming in here and telling you how you're going to live in your own house just because he pays you a little rent every method." And then we find out, which is what I've been saying, like, "Fuck that guy. He doesn't come in and tell Vicki who she can and he can't date." I just guess he does. No, I agree with that. When you said he put up the cameras, I thought that was actually fucked up. Oh my God. That is truly fucked up. You cannot do that in someone else's house. Go put the cameras and then sit down and watch them and they're going home. Excuse me. By saying this, you guys, you're essentially defending brooks who is disgusting. I'm not defending brooks. I'm defending Vicki's propriety. Look, Vicki is a Vicki's right to date scuzz bags. I mean, what's the money up? I don't want anybody coming in. Even Tamara finally has the right attitude, which is like, "You know what? If this guy's going to be a gold digger or whatever, Vicki's got to learn that the hard way now." Okay. If Vicki is going to learn the hard way and if Vicki's going to be a 50-year-old clown with a chin implant, then she should be able to tell her daughter, Breanne, you're not allowed to have your husband talk to me this way, and this shit is not going to fly in my house. But until Vicki has that conversation with Breanna, nothing is going to change. And my whole thing is, if Breanna is going to live in that house with her husband and her baby and that is the deal she made with Vicki, Vicki needs to shut the fuck up or kick them out. You know what? I don't understand why Breanna, Breanna should have just moved to the fucking lake house that she fought for so hard that Vicki couldn't get a yacht that one. Now Vicki should have a spin-off where she summers in Lake Havasu by going down a lazy river and drinking beer out of a koozy. Yeah, she should re-enact Heart of Darkness, except instead of going into Congo, she's just going to Lake Havasu on a boat. Okay. That's awesome. That's probably ten times worse than going on that boat down into the Congo. I would like to see Vicki have us been off with her family. They're hilarious. What was with her mom? Oh, yeah. The mom was hilarious. I can't believe they put me in jail. All I did was hit a cop in the face with a baseball bat. Can we come from a classy family if they do? Can we talk for a second about Gretchen's Great Gatsby is someone on our page called like a Great Gatsby hat, whatever, the ridiculous outfit she was wearing to do her to clean up her house. Wait, are you talking about Alexis? Not Alexis. Did I? I'm sorry. I meant Alexis. Back with her matching bedazzled sandal. Her Zelda, her Zelda Buchanan look. And of course, we said like, wow, you're dressed like Zelda. She'd be like, I don't play video games. She has such a moron. Oh my God. Okay. A few other things here that were revealed. Did you guys know when this is when Vicki is talking to Brianna at the kitchen table while they decided to eat an entire deep dish pizza and a salad with lots of stuff on top of it. Next to the iconic Caliente sign. The iconic Caliente sign and the ceramic big ass chicken rooster on the marble island. So classic. So in addition to seeing Vicki's guts during her C-section, we also found out that Vicki cannot sit down and have dinner until she fixes the crooked chair in the dining room because she has OCD just like me and I totally get that. But then we also found out that she bought her own first and second wedding rings. From TJ Maxx also. But how funny was that that Brianna it was just like, that sucks. So Vicki was having an emotional moment. Brianna is openly mocking her. Yeah. She was laughing and staring down that pepperoni pizza. Yeah. She's like, Mom, we've been talking about 10 minutes. Our pizza is getting cold. I know. Meanwhile, Brianna's got like five diamond rings on one finger. Hey, maybe that's why we're over budget in the military. How the hell is that military guy getting all those damn rings? And I'm like, she's complaining about that baby having diarrhea and I'm like, you're going to eat a deep dish, little Caesar's pizza. Good luck, bitch. You're going to be on the pot with that baby. Well, you know what? I hope that Brianna sex drive is dead and she never plans on cheating because he's going to catch her and he's going to kill her. Yes. He's like, it's like sleeping with the enemy. Totally. He's like a guy from a lifetime movie. You're like, oh, he's so he works out. He's soft spoken. He's a good southern boy. This is great. And then a couple of years down the line, you're like, why is he in the parking lot at work? Like he's just sitting there for hours. Well, it is. It's a class. And Billy Campbell is going to play him in the lifetime movie network version of this and Jamie Lunar will play Brianna. It's perfect. And Vicki. And Vicki. And Vicki will play herself and she will save her daughter ultimately by bashing in Billy Campbell's head with of course the Kellyanne sign. And then he's going to get back up. She's going to think he's dead and he's going to get back up to the garage. And then she's going to close the garage on his head to like finally kill him. Then he'll get back again and she'll have to finally stab him with a floor delete cookie jar. And then you see her in the middle, they're not like sharpening the floor delete atop that cookie jar because you know she's going to need as a weapon. But then she's going to think he's dead, but what will happen is at the end of the movie he's going to crawl over to the neighbor's house and it'll be Gina Kyo. And she's going to take him in and be like, no Vicki, Vicki, you know, she's just not very nice. No, I'll take you in. She's not. She's not. This is your fault. I'll take you in. I'll take you in. Frankie moved out. You can move in here. Oh my God, hilarious. Okay. A few other things. And then he'll move out of there because he's like, whoa, I can't deal with Gina. Then we had that horrible little like 42nd segment of Colette screaming in the back of Heather's car. It made all the sperm in my body that has yet to be produced curl up and die. But you know what, that is that was such a good scene to demonstrate what assholes kids are. Yeah, because that is screaming in the backseat and she's like, say tree, say slide, say house, man, say dad, dad, dad, dad, little bitch. Well, isn't that the famous like Bill Cosby thing that Carlos Mencia then plagiarized where it's like, like the dad, like the dad plays catch with the kid. The dad takes a month. First bike ride. The dad teaches him how to shave the dad does that. And the kid finally like graduates from college because I want to thank my mama. Is Carlos, I don't really follow too many beaners. Is Carlos Mencia a beaner? Oh my God. We have to talk about that. I could not believe that Tamra said that about Eddie. Yeah, that was shocking. Slash it's Tamra. So I totally can believe it. I'm actually call me crazy. I'm not familiar with the term beaner as an epithet. I'm assuming it's a derogatory term for Mexicans. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. At Mint Mobile, we like to do the opposite of what Big Wireless does. They charge you a lot. We charge you a little. So naturally, when they announce they'd be raising their prices due to inflation, we decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you. That's right. We're cutting the price of Mint unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of detail. Okay. Want to know where to find brands on brands on brands this fall? At Ross. Mm-hmm. They've got big savings on the latest fall styles. Seriously, you'll find the brands you want at prices you'll love. At Ross? Yes, for less. Good call. Rocket, isn't it? What? Of course. You guys have never heard the term beener. It's like, it's like. You're our resident. I'm not racist. So, I don't know. You're our resident. Because I'm from El Paso. Exactly. So, that's why I'm asking. I'm passing this off to you. And in addition to asking you how to properly pronounce Hohamole. Well I ran into, I was in this thing this weekend called the puppet parade, the million puppet march. Yeah. What was that about by the way? I saw the photo that you posed down. Where did you march? Forwardified for you was Lisa Vanderpump on a float with Stasi in this. Oh my God. Well, no, my friend Michael made this Facebook page called the million puppet march after Robbie. Is Michael the one that you posted that random Instagram photo of that I'm in love with? What was it of? There's some hot dude wearing shorts outside of your house. Oh, no, that's my neighbor Brian. He's cute, right? Yeah. What's the deal with that one? He lives next door. He is Bueller's auntie. He takes care of Bueller a lot. If you called him, if you called him an anti, I'm assuming he's a homosexual. Yeah, he takes care of Bueller. He's like Bueller's other daddy. He's really nice. I'll hook you up. Okay. He's not very manly though. I'm going to tell you that right now. He's kind of girly. Do you like the math? Well, you like to blame me, right? Wait, is he a lady? No, but he's not, you know, like I like Walker, Texas Ranger, like that's why you want to bone Chuck Norris. Well, it's just that kind of guy. Like a guy is like, Hey, I'm going to make, I want you to make me some cornbread while I'm out in the field collecting money. Well, then I think you better go back to Texas because that's not happening in West Hollywood. I know. Yeah, so far. So anyway, I was in this puppet thing and I ran into somebody from high school and we were and he and he's Mexican and we were just talking about high school and stuff and we said the word Binner, I think 10 times. Yeah, my friend was totally offended and I was like, it's different when you come from El Paso because we're all Mexican, like whether you want to be or not, you know, but well, you're technically ambiguous. Yeah. Well, being is basically a way. It's like the polite person's way of saying spec. Like you're just you're not supposed to say it's what it's worth, but what does Binner stand for? Does that mean like I want some beans and taco? Yeah, just just because Mexicans eat a lot of beans. I don't know. It's not the most creative. You know, well, then why don't you just call them like Garde because they're all gardeners. We're not that racist. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you're I mean, you're just mean, you're just being mean now. You just call them dollar store. Um, yeah, I don't know. I mean, there's there's lots of different ways and trust me what they call us is way worse. What did they call it? Well, wait, you're Armenian. I'm not Armenian. Do you think I'm a person? I'm kidding. I'm not Persian, I would not be living in such squalor. You'd be you'd be living in MJ's palace right across the street from Ben's. Oh, God, sleeping in a Hummer limo. Wait, I passed out after a Xanax all over because she's been bullied so much. No, Xanax all over more like slight little baby hamburgers all over the sliders made of Xanax. Xanax sliders. What do they call white? What do they call white people? Gringos, gringo, well, to them, it's bad. I mean, to us, it doesn't sound bad. Okay. Well, what would what would Eddie call Tamara bitch, Buddha or girlfriend? He probably would call her a girlfriend because he's almost sexual. It would probably color. I don't know how you say the bank where you're in Spanish, but we probably call his bank because she's bringing it some money. Speaking of the wig. How do you say wig in Spanish? Speaking of narrow mindedness, how about Vicky's family that's like, yeah, they're not a lot of eligible guys out here in California. You know, they're all kind of feminine. They're all kind of gay. It's like, what, I think they call that Eddie. They're like, you know, like Eddie says, says the brother who is wearing a trashy, like, you know, affliction that has that's written by like affliction or monarchy with like a bedazzled Florida lean NASCAR on the back of it. You piece of white trash hitting and he probably stopped at every truck stop on the drive over in the shower. Just hoping to get a little secret BJ. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I mean, I mean category expert. I mean, listen, if they're going to be casting stones for me, casting stones. I mean, let's not look too much farther than Vicky's sister there who looks like she might have been a fan of marching in of brought to Lova. I think that's the widest thing you've ever said. That's a white that's a white name. Never to love it. How do you say it? Never to love it. Never to love it. Never to love it. I guess it is. I just, I just never say that loud. I just usually say that that that I could place tennis. Oh, I'm going to stab with a tennis racket with a floor. You guys, that's just the kind of mood I'm in today. I'm still in bed. Okay. I'm sitting in an office building in Santa Monica and it took me two hours to drive home. He's just trying to stave off all those effeminate guys that are outside. Yeah, I'm not going outside because there's just beaners and queers. That's what California is. Yeah, exactly. My mom used to say the land of fruit and nuts, but we'll switch it to beaners and queers. That's fine. I'm sure it was a clear around here for me. Don't you love that my mom used to call it the land of fruit and nuts. She's so kind. So kind. Yeah. You should get her some Showery's berries. Guess what? I'm going to get a double dose because for an extra $10 you can get some extra ones. Just make sure, just make sure you don't get confused and send her the Dollar Shave Club for men. Oh, mother's damn depressed. I'm going to send my mom a card that says thanks. Thanks a lot. You know what, for all you single people out there, by the way, that we're feeling depressed on Valentine's Day like myself, you should send yourself, instead of sending your mother a gift, you should send yourself some Shari's berries. Give it up. They've already listened to 20 minutes of. Okay. Listen. Can we move on? Yes. Yes. Now, before we move on to the next show, we have a news break, breaking news alert. This came in just 14 minutes ago while we were yammering on about fleur de lis and various racial epithets. Oh my God. This comes, this came in from Amy Mayberry Kondath and the headline is, it's from Media Takeout exclusive. They faked it, Cordell and Portia from the Atlanta Housewives faked their divorce. They have heard. So now the article says, from an impeccable source, that Portia and Cordell do not plan on getting divorced further, they say that they never planned on getting divorced. And then this insider said, Portia found out that she was not going to come back on the show and both her and her husband Cordell desperately wanted to stay in the housewives. That's why they concocted this scheme. So the insider said, they figured if they create a fake divorce, like Nini did, it'd be enough drama for them to be asked back. So mediatakeout.com confirmed this with a bravo exec that Portia was officially dropped from the cast and that once Cordell filed for divorce, both Cordell and Portia were asked back. What? Okay, I don't believe that Portia was ever dropped from the show, why would you drop Portia? She was so cute. Please use her proper voice when speaking about her. I got a woman and I care about Mary and my man wants a piece of toast, I'm going to toast that piece of bread. I know I'm not perfect, I never said I was perfect, but give me credit for doing the best that I can. I try 265 days a year to be perfect. I want to be like, y'all, I come to y'all for advice and y'all tear me down, you tear me down. I'm like Rosa Park, that lady who got on that bus and she was like, I don't got money for no bus and he said that you can't ride it. And so she jumped on top of the bus and she rode it all the way down down. And that's why I always get on top of vehicles, I get on top of moving vehicles to be like Rosa Parks. Remind me to dust this episode off next February for Black History Month because this is a classic. No, remember next year it's going to be Black History year, but it was going to get longer. It's just going to get longer and then after that it's going to be Black History decade. Oh my God, I'm looking at myself for the first time today. I think I gained weight overnight. It's possible. Okay. So, well that was fake, do you think that that was fake? I don't think it. I don't believe it. Of course it was fake. Can we please talk about the best show on TV, Married to Medicine? Yay, that's perfect. Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb right now and say that Married to Medicine is my favorite show currently airing on Bravo and it is up there, it has surpassed Vanderpump rules and it is knocking on Gallery Girls' door. No, no, no, nothing touches Guy Girls. That's what I said, it's knocking on, it's knocking on its door meaning knocking on Amy's dusty name. It's a, is it knocking on End of Century? It was knocking on End of Century because there's a four lease, there's a four lease sign. It wants to buy a painting but unfortunately what's her face is off in Paris being hipster. Siobhan. Are you guys not obsessed with this show? I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Oh, I am obsessed. I am extremely, extremely obsessed. I love it. I think it's great. You know what, I posted my first and only Vine video the other day and so Ben, you're not going to be living alone with audio now because I made a Vine video of the best quotes from the latest episode of Married to Medicine that I'm trying to pull up on my phone right now. Oh my God, I tried doing that but I couldn't find a way to put text over the video. Do you know how to do that? No, are you kidding? I just learned how to do my first Vine video. Do you think I know how to add text? Vine is not right. Yeah, I was trying to get, I was trying, I got one, I posted one on Twitter of Quad saying, yeah, Quad saying her, like, we, if you ask me, we could all use a little bit of etiquette help or whatever. I got that but I needed text. By the way, while you guys look it up, also thanks to Roland Poland for that great picture Mariah in her flying saucer beret. I'm the one who then posted it as our, as our cover photo. Fine, but Roland Poland found it first. Whatever Roland Poland. I have Roland Poland. You're getting like a, you're getting like a audio hand job. Now, I, I have, wait, could that be our new band name, audio hand job? Listen, I have to say the, we all needed to go to an etiquette class or two was a great quote, but my favorite of quote of quads was later on when she goes, oh, we in the hood, oh, we in Pups in Paris. Oh, by the way, it's hard to tell quite frankly sometimes. Quad is the best thing happening. I love Quad. I think Quad's best quote was kicking in the knees and laughing honey, kicking in the knees and laughing. Here we go. I'm playing my fine video. Can you hear the audio? Okay. I'm going to try. It's playing right now. Okay. If you can hear that, what it says is it's Mariah going, it's not about the uki, the spooky, the nuki, all the wookie and then it cuts the quad going, you are low down dirt is scound bro. I loved, I loved them when Mariah had to go to a different Halloween party, that Bravo and someone knows this on Facebook too, said that the Chiron said some other Halloween party. Wait, wait, wait. That is my note here. There was nothing a funnier in the history of Bravo than when it said some other person's party. Like, whoever is working on this show is either like an intern that's like 18 years old. It doesn't give a fuck or they are a brilliant genius who's like that is fucking funny. Let's go back a little so people know what we're talking about because you know everyone's not watching the show. Yes, ratings are good. There was a, um, there was a big party at a dog store that quad was throwing even before there was also a Halloween party. Yes. Sorry about the Halloween party. Uki spooky Halloween party. I'm having a Halloween, I have came to this Halloween party so many times. I am by the drug, I am by the drug cuz I are this party. I love when women, they say they're gonna get to the other to bake or cutting, um, they're not even cutting. They're taking the pre-cut cookies off all of them. And she's like, oh, oh, has pumpkin, pumpkin designs on it. Oh, and I love when she decided that she doesn't want to have a Mariah, her party because they got in that fight. So the email that she concocts, writes an email, her husband's like, she's like, well, what do I say in the email and her husband's like, you ain't fucking coming. That's what you say. Yeah. She writes, the email that she writes is like a rejection letter for Princeton. It's like, thank you. It was hilarious. Like if you're a consideration, we reviewed your case. How? I'm just. Your consideration is more degrading than when anybody on the Real Housewives of New York calls you honey. We would appreciate you have not come to the party at the house. That is our, like, we're gonna, we're going to dis uninvite you now from our party. And for the foreseeable future, you're not allowed to come with any of the kazaz or any things of the such and like, but I love that. I love that Carrie showed up dressed like the Catwoman, like a slutty Catwoman, of course. Oh my God. But did you know that I'm such a bitch, but she was wearing a top from Target. I was like, it's like the sportswear line from Target with that I would never be caught dead in. Oh, she wearing clothes from Target and using an iPhone 3 GS. I struggle. Like she's not that rich, Ben. She might have struggled, but she has not struggled with shopping at Target. I have struggled with Halloween costumes for 20 years. Or I have had a struggle with Catwoman in particular. And I told Duncan that if I cannot find an appropriate Catwoman costume, I would go to Target. I have done this without the help of a party planner, and that's just the way it's going to be. It's a very personal struggle for me. Oh, she's ridiculous. And I see her lips getting worse because now her tongue is just randomly coming out at a schedule time. She doesn't even know how far her tongue is coming out. She can tell she can't tell what her mouth is even doing anymore. Most people that have those shoes around the neck, sort of like Bart Simpson, you know? Yes. People that have those injections, their lips are either incredibly puffy or they're get wrinkled. But hers, have you noticed on the upper lip, there are two like projectiles. Yeah, she got, she got the Lisa, we're going to implant. I think she said, I think she stripped a bell and attacked us. It looks like there's two like zits popping out of the top lip. Yeah. Because she got all struggles. I have struggled with lip acne for the past 20 years. It is a very private struggle and I don't appreciate you making light of it. Yeah. It's like when you save up to buy a new MacBook and then two weeks later, the new one comes out. It's not exploding on people. That's basically all the ladies with facial surgery because it's like if you had just waited. Yeah. So you wouldn't. I have implanted my lip with MacBook technology that has exploded. Okay. What do you guys think about Carrie and Duncan buying that office space and then trying to lure all of their cast members into buying some of the office space? It's like, it's like yet another sitcom. Yeah. I think that was that I wanted the territory that I didn't care about like as much as like I'm playing about them fighting. If they're not fighting, I'm like, why am I watching this? I didn't really care about the office space either, I have to say. Yeah. I was like, I don't care. But I did love the reaction of Dr. Simone. Okay. Well, I'll just have to come look at that one day, one time, some day, got live. Could you imagine if Dr. Simone were the landlady? She'd be like, where's your aunt? Your life? Your life? Your life? Your life? Your life? Your life? Your life? Your life? Well, she's eating a cookie out of a bag. I'll say that it was another week in a row where she was the best thing on the show. She's great. Oh, she's amazing. She and Quad, I think, are just great. Oh, no. Quad is the best. Can we please talk about this puppy party? I cannot deal because you know how much shit we talk about Gretchen and Vicki's housewares and how they are obsessed with faux Parisian accents? My God, this was a puppies in Paris party. But this was actually so like above and beyond ridiculous. It was like, okay for me. Like Quad, you can see Quad was like, you know, she's just like having fun. She's like, let's do something really silly for the dogs. And let me give. Silly for the dog she's sitting in the park with a makeup artist getting her face put on before she went out to let a dog listen, clown makeup has never had such a boon as when the show has been in production. But I like, she's like, no, fine, until you write a check on it. No one's leaving till I get a check. We are walking down the box and easy. I just made that up or the bark to tree. I have to say, I hate Mariah, but I did crack up with her robotic dog that when she put down the ground, it's scurried along. I could not stop laughing. I re-rounded it like five times to watch that little robot dog scamper away. Why has somebody not made us a gift of the scampering robot dog? Please someone now, speaking of vile things, probably the most vile thing of the entire episode of the entire season was when Mariah turns to her little daughter Lauren, her cute little innocent daughter, and is like, no, you do it, you do it, Mariah, because you're going to do it. Now you tell her, you ask her why we weren't at her party. Go ahead and ask her why you weren't allowed to come to her party, baby. It was not such a vile moment. It felt like it was a moment out of precious, you know, like, it was so disgusting. You don't make your seven-year-old up home. It was one of the worst things I think we've seen on Bravo, honestly. Yeah, that was pretty bad. At the same time, what do you have children for if not to use as pawns in your games? That's true. Or clean the bathroom. That's true. Yeah, that was so much sad, but I love the answer because your mom is an asshole. Yeah. Your mom was being mean for me. I have came here to be nice to your mom, but your mom was mean for me. But I love when she tells us, "I cannot believe that she would utilize her daughter in such fashionable." I mean, before filming started, they all sat down with a phosphorus and tried to get like a few two and three syllable words that they could pepper into their confessionals and it's just not working. Yeah. She's like, I remember one time I heard an interview with, I think, Sugar Ray Leonard, and he had just learned the word "irrespective" and he was like, "Well, this is what I know. Irrespective of everything, irrespective of the game, I think this went very well irrespective of what you might be saying." I'm like, "Okay, you learned the word "irrespective," congratulations, Sugar Ray Leonard." I've always remembered that. It's like, I have came to that memory so many times. I'm like, "Oh my God." Okay, so they kind of just had a calm little argument, neither one of them started beating the crap out of each other. Boo! Only because Mariah's ghetto mother was not there. Yeah, exactly. Plus, Mariah was probably distracted by the weight of her enormous beret on her head. Yeah, that was from beginning to end, that was a pretty embarrassing one. It looks like a giant piece of pepperoni from Claddy with a chance of meatballs had fallen on her head. If that were the case, Brianna would have been there to eat it up on top of an extra large pizza. Don't you mean Lauren Manzo? One of our pepperonis got away. Bring it back to Keface. Chicken and the meats are lapping, honey. This is the hood or a pop some Paris. Wasn't she saying like, "If your dog bites me, I'm going to sue you, Mommy. I'm going to sue you, Mommy." That was Mariah. Yeah. Gosh, she's just awful. I liked her in the beginning of the season, and I hated Toya. And now it's totally reversed. It's all about Quad. Honey. Quad is the best. Honey. Honey. So what else happened on that dumb ass show? That was it, right? It's the Halloween episodes. The eyeshadow was out of control. Mariah's makeup artist is like seriously, she should be working for RuPaul's Drag Race. Did Dr. Jackie do anything? I think she's... Well, she yelled at Dr. Percemon for eating a cookie out of a bag for lunch because she's that boring. Yeah. Well, she's going to have a lemon squeeze next week, but I think they're so funny. I love those two together. I could just listen to those two bitches each other all day long. The two doctors. Yeah. They're the best. And they're obviously the smartest. So let's move on because I think we're done with this show. Guys, I did not watch The Queen of Versailles. I wasn't sure that... I didn't realize that's something we were going to be talking about this week. It will be on Constant Loop. I saw it in the movie theater last year, but Bravo bought the rights to it, and it is the perfect segue in or out of any episode of The Real Housewives, and they will be playing it nonstop for the next five years. Yeah, really good. So if you guys have not watched that, you should watch it. I didn't watch it on Bravo, I watched it a while ago on Netflix. So I won't go into two details, except to say that the maid sleeps in the dollhouse in the backyard. But watch that if you haven't watched it. And did you guys watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta final, final, final, final episode 24? Oh my God, the show lasts for more than half a year. Oh my goodness. I know. Keep for Sutherland would have finally been done with the terrorists in this episode. I mean, I mean, honestly, the show started airing four weeks before the latest episode of "Marity Medicine" even started filming, right? Oh, no, actually, I'm sorry, started November 1st or something like that. Fucking crazy. Whatever. It was crazy. It was really funny. It was hilarious. It was so good. Ronnie, didn't you think though that it made it seem like poor Phaedra, half of her season was left on the cutting room floor because that hour was, you know, I would say 70% of the lost footage was dedicated to Phaedra and Apollo. Yeah. Basically, Phaedra and Apollo were much more fun and nice, but apparently, Phaedra just got the bitch out of the season, which explains why she was so pissed off at the end because they didn't show any of her fun stuff. But I still think that Phaedra came off looking good this season. So the fact that the season was the bitch out of it is pretty crazy. Well, we liked her, but she gets a lot of heat on the internet. That's why when Addie says, "Sir, Phaedra, did you enjoy the season?" She's like, "No, not really, but..." And she wasn't even looking at him when she was said, "No." Well, one of the show opens with, you know, and they actually did spend too much time on this, but Addie opens up the show discussing a rumor that was swirling around because of something that Portia had said to Kenya or didn't say to Kenya, and anyway, long story short too late, she was kind of suggesting that Cynthia and Nini had a bizarre relationship and that they were possibly a secret lesbian gay couple. Yeah, which I mean, that's not too far off, but I mean, who cares even if they are? But it was funny watching Portia try and backtrack and make a huge deal out of it because she totally said it. What else do you mean when you say that's unnatural? I mean, what else could she have meant? Well, I hate when people use that word unnatural, it makes me so mad. Listen, I think if you're talking about anything that Portia says, you could have a lot of meanings because she usually used it incorrectly. Well, what else happened in that mat other than that? They talked more but that's all I remember. I blocked the rest of it out. They talked more about Kim and did you think that, you know, how long ago did she check out from the show? Okay. Okay. Here's the thing I can remember. They showed a scene of Kim with her daughter Brielle, Brielle, right? Brielle. Sobing because she's getting bullied at school because Kim is such a fucking whore on national TV that her kids are being tortured in school, right? Yeah. Yes. And yes, there was Chick-fil-A in the foreground. And you feel bad for her because she shouldn't have to suffer just because her mom's a gigantic asshole. But here's the crazy thing, Ronnie, then, you know, you know, the Croix starts to speak about, you know, how you got to let the haters go and all this kind of stuff. And he was actually making some kind of sense. But then Kim being a dumbass that she is just keeps chiming in and she keeps going. It's just because you're so damn cute. My cute baby. No, this is what Kim does. Okay. Kim looks totally bored that she even has to listen to her daughter sob. And then she goes, oh, I understand because it's like when Nini strangled me last year and she turns it into her and starts talking about how Nini abused her. Like really, this is like the worst motherhood. This is the week of some really bad motherhood on Broadway. You're allowed to compete with your friends for this bullshit, but when you're starting to compete with your 16 year old daughter, it's truly pathetic. I'm surprised that Kim didn't just say, okay, honey, just stop crying. We're going to go chilies and make it all better. I'm surprised she didn't turn to the cameraman and go, let's cut this moving on. They also talked. I mean, you know, Cynthia can't get over the fact that she was she in Phaedra. I guess the entire cast really, but she and Phaedra then, you know, put in a few more digs against Kim about how if they're, you know, going to show up to work that Kim should also be responsible and have to show up as well. And part of me gets that, but the other part of me is like, you know what, Kim and Nini are the stars of this goddamn show and they're giving you all a paycheck. So if they don't fucking want to shoot one day, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah. But see, that was my problem with Kim the past couple of years on Atlanta. She was never with the other women. It's like, Ronnie, do you want? Everything is about her trying to make her own damn stuff and I don't like watching Nini and Hollywood with her bullshit walking around a rented home that's empty. I don't like that either. I mean, you're part of a show. It's not about you. It's about y'all. Okay. Yeah. It's not just Kim doing that. Nini is part of this issue. Oh, Nini's the worst of Nini's, Nini's just so fucking typical. It's like, she knows she's an asshole. So she comes back and fakes it the whole year so that people will think she's nice. And sure enough, we're all so fucking stupid. Everyone's like, I love Nini. Really? Do you remember that she was a terrorist the past two years? Well, they all have to look out because Kenya came on really strong this past season and she's going to be the new star, even though she's terrible. She could be the new star. Well, I don't know about that because now there's rumors floating is Kenya getting booted from the show is faded, getting booted from the show is Porsche getting booted from the show. I don't know what's going to happen. I think that they're all going to come back. And those rumors about Kenya were silly because they were based on her blog that was, did we talk about this last week? I don't remember. But her bravo blog was like saying goodbye to every woman individually, but and people were saying, oh, that means she's leaving or it means that the season is over. Yeah. And I think they're going to start through the roof. I actually don't think any of them are going anywhere. I think they're going to try to just insert one or two more people. Yeah, I think they'll probably bring on Dini's cousins or whatever the hell. Yeah, I think. Oh my God. I think that will be amazing because Nini's cousins have been doing a Twitter storm as of late. Pretty much saying that Nini is a charade and her whole divorce from Greg was just to get a spin off and you know, to drive ratings and get her a big fat paycheck and I kind of believe them. I believe it too. Bring it on. Well, speaking of candy, candy is kind of boring on the show, but I watched her candy factory out of desperation last night. And maybe that's why I'm depressed today. I really need to get a life, but I watched that candy factory show. Oh my God. It was like a home remodeling show for children with no talent. It's like, Oh, never gets old, never gets old, never gets old, never gets old, never gets old. It's like, Oh, you know, it doesn't even make sense. See, see, rally, no, no, no, no, no. Rally, rally, you're going to sing like Mama, see the way Mama sings is like, well, this is her on. Okay, the most annoying thing about the candy factory is that it's basically just an excuse for candy to sing every episode. Because she writes each kid a song and the demos are her singing these pop songs, right, which means she then puts them on iTunes and they still don't sell as well as target for the party. By the way, Don Juan, her manager, Don Juan tweeted at me this past week because I said that I actually had one of the candy factory songs in my head and I tweeted that and so he tweeted back. I mean, he's like, Oh, which one? And I said, which one, whatever. And then I said, you should have Candy come on our podcast because we love her and he didn't write back because then he listened to the podcast and then he heard you guys doing the voice of Riley, Mama Joyce and Candy and he was like, no, I think Candy would say, Hey, you're both got down and only money and you get the chance to get a career. See, the way I see it is that, you know, you're really good, but you have good ideas too. And you're like, right, right. You can't be crazy. Can't you raise that? I like it. You're terrible, but there's a different one every week and whoever wins gets a chance to launch their career. And somebody explained what's what that means, a chance to launch their career. What does that mean? Yeah, can't. He's not even on a major label right now. So good. But she's she's on Riley's label. Riley records. So anyway, that show was not as terrible as I thought it would be. But I sort of forget about that. You know, all I could say over and over, and this is someone who moved at 18 year olds, 18 years old to be up a full ma. So it's sad that I'm saying this and hypocritical, but every time I see those kids, I'm like, get a job. Wait, excuse me. Did you move to LA at 18 to be a performer? New York. Really? We are learning about each other. Yeah, my 18th birthday got on Greyhound, boo. You are kidding me. Yeah. Everybody's talking. I'm one of those people on I'm chopped who'd be like, I'm starting to be on chopped because I was homeless for two weeks in New York, and I deserve to win. And I'll cry about it until I'm 70 on TV. Were you homeless in New York? He gave a lot of hand jobs. Yeah. You ever see, you ever see Midnight Cowboy? It's the Ronnie Karam story. Well, thankfully I was raised a born again Christian, so I was way too crude to do anything like that, or I would have been making some money. Oh, I'm Lydia, and I'm haunting you. I cannot wait till Lydia has her own Halloween special. I'd be like with Snoopy. Jompers. Okay, do we have anything else? Yes, we do. So we didn't talk about this during Lost Footage of Atlanta Apollo becoming a model and meeting Tyson Beckford. Hey, thank you for making me a model. I think I can do this. You just give me some eyebrow makeup, I'll do whatever you want. That sums it up. And then there was also, you know, when they were at the end talking about like what are people working on next or whatever, Cynthia keeps trying to pretend that the Bailey modeling agency is happening, even though we know it is not happening, and she was saying that she's going to be doing a second Miss Renaissance or whatever the hell it's called. And then Kenya chimes in, pop that fan, and says, "Oh, well, Andy, there's going to be two pageants next year, because I'm doing one myself." Oh, snap. Oh, snap a rue. Yeah. I can't believe that. Yes, we're just going to try and have a little pageant. Whatever. I say, so the bat you need is like, "Oh, she didn't know it." You know what I mean? You're charging music today, could you just loop that clip over and over for 30 seconds? Wait, here's a bonus. Here's a bonus, Kim Richards. I want you to tell me, "Oh, you okay?" And then I see you outside the door and you're like, "Oh, she knows again." Oh, my God. Love it, but only three sound bites you'll ever need. Camille, Candy, and Kim. Let's end it. I'm about to drop the mic. All right. So, guys, you can find me, Ronnie, @TVGasm on Twitter. You can find Ben @bsideblog and you can find Matt @lifeonthemlist. Find us on Facebook at facebook.com/watchwoodcrapins or on Twitter @WetCrapins and leave us some reviews and stuff on iTunes, buy you some sharers, berries and some razors, and I think that's it, right? Yeah. And Instagram, but Ronnie makes it difficult so you can follow him on Instagram @RonnyCarum and you can follow me and Ben at our actual Twitter handles because we like to make things simple for you. Yeah, follow us. It seems my Twitter handle to Ronnie Carum, too. Okay. So anyway, thanks you guys. Have a great one. Bye. Bye. Bye. 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