Faye Resnick, Officially Involved with Everything
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#65: Faye Resnick, Officially Involved with Everything
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Hey everybody, welcome to Watch what Crap is a podcast dedicated to all that Crap we love on Bravo. My name is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo Entertainment and joining me as always are Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam. Say hello boys. Before we dive in, we have so much to discuss today. You should definitely get involved with us on the Facebook. The kids call it the Facebook, and we are at we're actually at www.facebook.com/watch what Crap is. You should also get involved with us on Twitter. We are @whatcrapins. I am @lifeonmeamlist. Ronnie is @tvgasm and Ben is @besideblog and you guys should definitely join us. The Facebook is blowing up. We have so many dedicated followers and users and it's such a party and it's kind of becoming like a daily habit for me. I'm just letting y'all know. Well me too. I'm actually getting addicted to our Facebook page which is crazy. I've never been addicted to any Facebook page ever and of course being the narcissistic person that I am I'm addicted to my own or our own I should say. And these people are now following me on Instagram because you put that on our Facebook page and it's kind of creepy because now they're getting to see into my personal life and I don't know how I feel about it. Your personal life is just pictures of like Juan Del Potro serving tennis balls. It's not that's it's all just like tennis. It really is just tennis. It's nothing but tennis. Sneakers and cupcakes. Yeah that's great. I mean I don't know why. It comes up my life. And by the way welcome back Matt we missed you last week and I looked on iTunes where everyone should leave a review and our very own birthday boy Eddie McGee left a comment saying I actually missed Matt this week so congratulations Matt. You know Eddie actually missed you. The compliment is wrapped in a distaste for me. Well it's it's Leah Black style. It's an invitation wrapped in an insult. How fun is that? It's so fun that I that I want to tear it down. Anyway you guys we have much to discuss. We have a new show in the mix being fashion queens which we don't even say anything yet because I'm like I'm about to bubble over. We have Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the pen ultimate episode. We have Real Housewives of Atlanta which I think is the most boring season ever but before we get into all that and millionaire matchmaker which I am the only one watching. We definitely need to talk about gossip. I saw the most upsetting news as I was driving into work today from the examiner. Yes I was texting while driving but I was at a stoplight. Don't hate me. What's what is it? What is it? The examiner is report. Ben is going to need to brace himself more than Ronny because Ronny does not give a fuck. Oh no. The examiner is reporting this morning. Oh no. That the Real Housewives of New York City cast is once again being gutted. What? Like the massacre after season four and that in addition to Yummy Tummies, Heather being out. The Countess Luan de Liseps is being cut from New York. Stop it. Stop it right there Matt. I don't want to hear this. I know I'm sorry. I know I'm sorry. They cannot get rid of Luan. She's iconic. You cannot. I'm sorry you cannot. I'm doing the romance. I'm doing Ramona voice in fact. I'm sorry you can't. I'm cradling you in my bosom right now because I know how hard this is for you. How could they do that? Luan is like such a character like you know some seasons she's just the best and some seasons she's just the worst and that together just makes her one of a kind. She's unlike any of the other housewives than any franchise. They absolutely cannot do that. I I protest. And let's discuss a few reasons why they should keep her. Number one she fucked Johnny Depp the pirate on vacation last year and then tried to cover it up. I mean that was like the best storyline. Mm-hmm. I agree. I mean that brought the season to life didn't it last year. It did. It brought us one of the reasons why Deveve. Number two her children are awful especially her racist daughter slash artist. She has teenagers passed out in the hedges. She she she fosters in an environment of alcoholic excess. Number three she is dating Adrian Brody slash the Count Dracula slash the Count from the Muppets. Who is clearly cheating on her. Absolutely. Oh they have an open relationship darling. Come on. That's not what you think is in Europe the same. Number four she wears turquoise jewelry. Number five she likes to make fun of her native heritage by saying that people from her tribe like to scalp others. Plus she is number six. She is the preeminent expert on the differences between the Plaza Hotel and Morocco. As in this is not the Plaza Hotel this is Morocco. Number seven she's filmed a music video and an Indian casino. We have to round this out. We have number eight. Number eight she is at the heart of some of the most amazing fights of all time on Real Housewives of New York City or any other franchise. Number nine she got Ramona to dis her own terrible wine on National TV. And number ten she hired a band whose primary lyric was "I want to fuck you in the ass." And you know what guys that was an amazing top 10 we could probably take this up to a top 50 and we should and then we should make it a photo gallery and then we should send it to Bravo. 50 reasons why you cannot get rid of the Countess Luan de Lesseps. She is the Queen of New York. I mean I was okay once Jill left but if Luan leaves I cannot stand Ramona being the the original cast member the only one left. It's too much for me to handle. And they you know what I'm sorry they should not be shaking up the cast yet again. I mean maybe like cut one away. I don't even think they should get rid of Heather. Heather was really brought at the second half of her season. I actually think I loved the relationship that Heather had with Carol that like budding friendship like the brunettes versus the blondes. It's so reminiscent of like Paul's versus Smalls. Like why would you want to rock the boat? I feel like that trip that they all took where Aviva was fighting with Sonya and Ramona and Luan was sleeping around. I mean I just thought that New York was delicious this past year. The second half I agree the second half of that season came together and the cast came together and I actually if anyone you can get maybe rid of Carol although she was the best one but they shouldn't it was finally starting to spark starting to gel. There's no reason to tamper with it. You know when you cut out a lot of people in your overhaul it takes a while to sort of get your footing again. Could I beg a favor? I mean I think some of our listeners out there would would kill for just like a snippet of Carol right now. How does Carol feel about this? You know it's okay because I'm part of the 99 percent and I have other things I have to be doing anyway. As long as they don't ask me to fly anywhere for a good biparti because I knew people I don't want to mention who because I'm not a name-dropper but one time I knew people who took a plane and then they died. Then I told Peter Jennings about it who was a work colleague of mine because I used to be a reporter. Didn't you also write a best-selling book Carol? Yeah it's about a widow so it has guide to being a widow. Yeah it's about having sex even though your turkey neck is now touching your vulva. I'm releasing a home improvement book next year. It's called the widow's guide to windows. It teaches you how to how to build windows. That's your vagina. Only using your your old drive a giant. Stick a hammer in there. Stick a hammer and press your pelvis. You can sand down entire windowsills if you really let your vagina properly dry. Oh my god could you imagine? Could you imagine if she replaced Bob Villa on this old house? Genius. Genius. Anyway you guys back to this rumor though the examiner is saying that the person stirring the pot is Sonia Morgan who is trying to secure her own place on the cast because her head was also on the chopping block. I hate Sonia but this woman can't go anywhere either. Let me tell you something. I am sitting on some super juicy Sonia Morgan gossip that that's just reminding me of. Well well don't get too excited. A friend of a friend. How can we not get excited when you just said Sonia Morgan and juicy. I followed it up with friend of a friend and we know everybody all of our listeners know that you love to name drop. Well no listen a friend of a friend. Oh that's Matt's back. Friend of a friend interviewed with Miss Morgan to be an intern. Wait shut up. No to be an intern who does nothing but like shake out. And this person. This person sends in an exhaustive email very detailed email about the experience to my friend who forwarded to me. But you know what though I haven't gotten to go ahead of whether or not I can share this. Then you need to post it on our Facebook page which is facebook.com/watchwhatcrapins. As soon as I get the high sign from my friend if I do I'd be more than happy to read it because I'm telling you guys it is rich. I don't even want unlike Sonia herself. There were the requirements that somebody would have to go through in order to win that position. I mean that should be a reality show on its own. Like Bravo should do. You know they've done this in the past like Paris Hilton's BFF or whatever but to become Sonia Morgan's intern should be a fucking Bravo reality show. I'm telling you it's been a while since they were filming has she done anything on because she got a job or anything. I think she read the New York Post. I think that's the one thing she's done since the rest. She is maybe maybe she maybe is a plumber's apprentice. She loves to fist a toilet for a blackberry. Yeah she's made a whole business of getting blackberries that have been dropped in toilets when you're trying to fuck the plumber. I think she's she's probably over. She's probably put some puff pastry in her toaster and forgotten about it at this point. She's like what ever happened what ever happened that grilled cheese I was making. What ever happened? What is it called Ramona? I had a grilled cheese. I don't know what. What's Ramona doing? Can someone get me the post? I really want to know what my friends are doing. You know what? Leave me lose dogs as you are. I want to use them to get out of bed. It makes it easier. I like it. Keep them there. So you know what's really upsetting. So in addition to the fact that these two women being a heather and Luan might be cut from the cat. This is also because the cast has not been finalized. The filming of the season has been completely postponed and normally these women film through the holiday season and through New York Fashion Week which is always fun to see like who's getting to sit where and we've had so many classic run-ins there. They're missing out. So New York has not filmed a damn thing. Don't you worry Matty Bat because New York has plenty of events and plenty of fashionable events. Every season is a season for the Housewives. Exactly. I think that this is why heather has been all over the news suing Spanx all this time later because it is kind of weird that there's housewives news when they're not filming because normally you just don't hear from these bitches unless there's shows on. Well clearly I mean Ronnie I would think that she's suing Spanx because that could be a storyline if they want to start shooting tomorrow if they want to hire her ass. Oh yeah. She probably wants to get a storyline that makes her look like more of a professional than when she was designing a sexy J for Sonya. Look and why would you want to get rid of her? She was the one who was fighting more than ever with Sonya and Ramona this past season and that was fucking delicious. Yeah well that would have been that would have been the case had there not been a Viva. Oh gosh. Viva by the way did anyone see those photos of her from a few weeks ago at Fashion Fashion Week speaking of which? No. She like she walked a runway and it looked it looked rough. It looked very rough. It stood or the peg leg. The face did. The face looked everything was wrong. It was borderline Tranny. Oh and by the way for people who are reading our Facebook page where you see our occasional updates I posted something last week saying that I was in a club and I swore to God I thought Adrian Maloof was there. I like from across the club I was like holy shit Adrian Maloof is actually here and then I looked again in a gay club and it was a drag queen. It was a tranny. It was a tranny and so well I hope people realize that when I wrote that I wasn't just being snarky or clever I truly mistook a tranny for Adrian Maloof. Well when there's that much tinsel up in a weave I mean you can always be thrown off. There's a lot of tinsel and a lot of fillers up in the cheekbones. They've probably had about as much work done on their vaginas as each other. Yeah I would say so and also Matt. Take it out. Take it out. Take me a G shot. Give me a G shot. I don't know if anyone watches Big Rich Atlanta but that was a plot point this week. You all should watch it. It's amazing. The other thing, the other piece of gossip, Matt right next door to you I saw Ashley from Real House as of New Jersey sitting out on the sidewalk. Was she smoking a cigarette with more tattoos on her forearm? I didn't see any tattoos and I couldn't tell if she was smoking a cigarette because I was sort of walking by but she was talking to a guy. It was in the afternoon she was sitting on a stoop outside of you know the vantage apartments which is where we determined between my house and your house. Yes. There was a party bus parked out there the other night. I was Saturday and it was like three o'clock in the morning and I thought I saw her out there getting out of like a birthday party bus and she looked drunk as hell. Oh did she have her stupid beanie on? She did not have a beanie. Thank God. Thank God. But you know she was going inside to put on the beanie and then vomit into the toilet and then pass out. And then pass out not from alcohol but from gas fumes from her stove that she left on. Oh my god her building is gonna blow up and then it's gonna set both of our buildings on fire and then it's gonna reach Ronnie's block which is only a few blocks away and burn all of LA down. But MJ will be fine because she's higher up than all of us. I'm poorer than you guys. I live where there's only concrete. There's nothing to catch. He lives in a bunker. Yeah. You do live in a bunker understandably. Does anybody else have any other gossip before we move on? Because I am itching to talk about the real housewives of Beverly Hill. Let's get right into it. So the episode started out with a big party at Adrienne's house for Zing Vodka. And side note, in case you were wondering what Zing Vodka tastes like, red cupcake flavor, I can tell you because I've actually had it. Here's a name drop again. An alcohol name drop. I had raised myself. Yeah I had it. It's it's stupid. It's like it's just. Were you like at Alfonso Ribeiro's like baby's birthday party? Oh I wish. I was actually at my friend Katie's. You know my friend Katie who there's like that nail salon. If she's not famous then I don't know her. She is. She is actually. Not really. She has a reality show on TV guide network. Is that still longer for her? Yeah I think so. I think she had two seasons. We should get her on. You know she actually co-hosted one of these when there was a housewife hoedown and we should get her on. She loves the housewives. We should get her on. She's a sort of a crazy lady. So she had this party and it was sponsored by Zing Vodka and she's like you should come because Adrienne Maloof is gonna be there for her vodka. But does Adrienne Maloof own it or does she only own two percent of it like she only owns two percent of the poems? Well I'll leave that up to Brandon. That's mean. How dare you really. That's mean. You're gonna you just broke up Adrienne's marriage. You're a mean girl. I'm not a classic. I'm going down a very bad path and you're being led by a very sad lady. I'm wearing Chanel right now by the way. I'm borrowing a Chanel right now. So anyway the point is this I went Adrienne did not show up but I did try her stupid vodka and it was you ever chase something where it's not good it's not bad it's just stupid. It's like why is this flavor existing in my mouth? Like what is the point of this? This is an alcohol for 17 year old girls who... No no no the only thing that 17 year old girls should still be drinking is boons. Watermelon. Watermelon boons farm from 7/11. This is it's just you know this is a vodka that's made for low rent bachelorette parties and no one should buy it quite frankly. With brandy stripping on a pole. Not even. Okay before we get to Lisa's party where the real shit went down we do need to talk a little bit more about Adrienne's vodka party because this is like right before it was revealed that Adrienne and Paul were getting divorced and during this party Adrienne once again was being a complete bitch to Paul. Oh I mean she was just being horrible every little thing she was she was embarrassing him in front of the staff yeah but yeah but that being said sorry to cut you off it to me it just looked like standard bickering it's sort of like one of them said later on you know it just looked like it worked for them it looked like that was their way of communicating but it turns out that there was serious issues and I feel like we actually never really got a deep insight into what those issues were and if we were to get a deep inside it was censored by Bravo. I agree and I think that they did cut away to Paul in a confessional but I who actually seemed sad and was like you know once again my wife was being mean to me but I'm convinced that that was filmed after the divorce was filed. Yeah I think so. Wait can I just talk about this party itself though? Only if you talk about Bernie and having to cook with no lights on in the kitchen. Oh my goodness well first of all it was nice to see Bernie making an appearance with his awful self. Second of all Queen bitch. Second of all I found it rather creepy that there were these disembodied hands handing out shots of vodka from from a topiary like to me that's not like cancer tumors like popping out of like your tissue. She kept saying it was cool and it looked like polyps that needed to be severed out of it. It was like I've never seen Pan's labyrinth but I imagine that's what it was all about it was like it was like yeah like eyes on hands. Yeah it's like you know I have a polyps in a colon that needed to be zapped. You know it's like I haven't seen Pan's labyrinth but I have seen the original labyrinth and that's what the original labyrinth was like you know all that was missing was Bluto and some rocks falling in the sky. There were there were a few hot dudes in there under where he painted. I did enjoy that. I might have hit Paul's on that with like the dude and like the tidy wides. I did enjoy that and we we came pretty much as close to seeing you know boobs on on TV because they were covered over with body paint but no blurring and you could pretty much see a riolas. What was the theme of that it was like a bunch of dirty girl naked dirty girl standing on like rented banquet tables like from a bad caterer event and like white like white pedestal like ceramic ladies and it was like statue guys and then bartenders with tattoos that say Lisa Ling and then like back me and then men in trees and Paul naked and it was gross. Paul dangling from a tree again another scene from labyrinth but you know here's the thing also is that like it didn't really have a branding message. I mean I'm not a marketing expert but it was kind of just like a generic over-the-top Beverly Hills party that we've seen on a million of these reality shows like it didn't actually make the vodka seem cool. It just made it seem silly. Well that's why I mean I thought it was so funny like before you know the party actually gotten to high gear it was brandy and Lisa getting massages going like oh god we can't go to another one of these parties because all this woman does is like hawker products whether it's the Maloof who for now some vodka that nobody gives a fuck about it's like this woman can't just have a normal party she has to have product placement. That being said I would love to go to one of those parties because it does look cool although I thought also another strange design touch was that at the front of the house they had sort of like a vodka bottle cut out the air to walk through and it just it just looked like a giant metal detector. Did anyone else notice that? Well so wouldn't you have one if you were Adrienne? Jesus. I'd be afraid to. That's true. And I love that she totally ripped off her bottle design from Voss drinking water. It's like I know it's so perfect because it's it's crap water that they overcharge for and when you get up close to the bottle it looks like a total piece of shit and it's hilarious that that's what she stole. It's like some overpriced piece of crap. Yeah stupid Adrienne and then she put a light in the bottom of the thing so when it lights up it looks like nuclear waste. It's like what? Right which is also the name of her makeup brand because she looks like she smears nuclear waste on her face. Oh I thought you're gonna say it was the fillers in her cheeks or that you never know it could be in her lip stand on her lipstick. She really you know it's like the way Eskimos have 26 different words for snow. Adrienne Maloof has 26 different uses for nuclear waste and it's all in her face. We'll make that another photo gallery after we do the 50 reasons why they should never fire in the van. Did you did anyone see Mike from Shah's a sunset in the background? Oh yes. No one I was even warned to look for him when we were warned by somebody and I still didn't even see him. Well that's because he's very short. He's very short and he's also focusing in on his playgirl spread which is coming out soon. Yeah unless he has a wiener dangling out I don't want to see it. I have no time for him. By the way getting back to Paul dangling from a tree. You know I thought you know Adrienne was like oh he always has to be the center of attention. He actually looks kind of pathetic. I mean no I don't think he was trying to be the center of attention and I didn't think he looked pathetic. I thought he looked like he was having a fun time and he was being playful and he was trying to enjoy himself. Like your god office. I think he was trying to make Adrienne laugh because she's always bitching at him. And you know to what you were saying earlier about her her and him having this relationship that's like oh it's fun bickering. That was fun at first until we saw her being downright evil to him when the season began last year. Was it last year that they had that dinner party at her house? Yes. Yeah. And she was horrible to him. Yeah. Like we've known that she's evil. And then seeing him come to her defense all year and getting mad at the the maloof hoof which he knows it's a joke. Like I hate Adrienne. And then and then she thinks that he is pathetic for doing this and she is now the woman who is dating a pathetic 34 year old drug addict. Absolutely. So guess what honey stop pointing your man hand and man finger at Paul and look in the mirror even though it may crack. I think Paul just finally realized like you know what I'm a very successful plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills. I'm on TV. I don't need to be with a tranny wife. I can just get a hot young thing. He'll just give me a blowjob because I'm famous a little bit. You know. Well he didn't leave her. Well he shouldn't have. I mean based on the people that she hangs out with a.k. Bernie the chef and that awful gay guy who cackled at everything that she said he's like. You're hilarious. Shut up. That's my new favorite impression Ben fuck candy it's all about Adrian's gay hanger. I don't like the body. I mean could you imagine like Adrian just like around the hot tub with that terribly eyebrowed queen and Bernie. You can always tell the worst nightmare. That is worse than L.A. shrinks. You know you can people let's stop copying Ursula the sea witch from a little mermaid for eyebrow inspiration. You know. Let that shit grow a little bit and shave your back. Let's just let's simplify our grooming a little bit. You know I think we can start to tell the quality of someone based on the gays that they have around them. No doubt. But you know what though one thing that makes me concerned is that Taylor's gays actually seem like pretty normal guys that dress nicely. They seem smart. They're friendly. That little skinny one with the buzz cut is a dick. Yeah but I mean why is that why? No no no. I'm talking about the one that showed up at Maurice CEO's like real estate party who was like he just grosses me out. He was also at Kyle's house for the other party. He's always at every he shows up at everything. But you know what I guess I just have really low standards for the gays at this point. Well I mean it's kind of like our dating lines. We sometimes have to scrape the bottom of the barrel. Exactly. And we will be getting to fashion queens soon enough don't you. Okay so we need to talk about moving over to Lisa's party before we dive fully in. We have to talk about the preparations and the return of my favorite person in the universe Kevin the party planner. She she she Beverly Hills. What you want me to do Lisa? Lisa what you want me to do? What do I take off my pants? He's kind of more offensive than long duck-dong from 16 candles and I'm okay with it. No no I think Kevin Lee is great. You know he's the sort of gay that normally I'd be like ugh get him away from me but he's actually I feel like he's in on the joke. I think he's actually very smart and I think he's just there for a rump. I am just terrified by his wig and tinted uses from the 80s. I feel like it's good. Oh no trying to get a new chance at life where everybody doesn't hate her and blame her for the Beatles breaking up. I feel like it's like you know when you know when they put someone on entertainment tonight into like they put them in different makeup like see what it's like for this woman to live a day as a man. I feel like that's what Kevin Lee is like it's actually a woman. Yeah it's like when Melissa Gorga wears that suit. Yeah. I don't know. I said Melissa Gorga. I think that's who I meant. They put everyone in a fat suit. They put like Tara Banks you know. By the way I have to say with Lisa's house. I don't know this horrible gay Asian suit. Yeah. Now you see what it's like to be gay in Asian and to be a decorator. And to have a terrible muppet wig. And to have stripy underpants. And to have little frog legs. You know his legs were very nice I thought considering I thought his legs would be like two little chicken legs but that was nicely formed. Any tiny sticking out mushroom for a penis. Oh my god. And to have and to have maroon lips. There was not even a mushroom. There was not even a crumini mushroom. It looked like there was a button under there. You're being generous. That's his heart. A mushroom card. Can I say something about Lisa's house by the way? May I say something? Yeah. Obviously it's a comment on it too. Obviously it's lovely and everything and we've seen all season that she has the LaRosa up on everything. What is up with that tacky off colored green bridge in front? Well that's the least. Here's the thing. I love that you couldn't even know. It does not match. It is like a turquoise bridge next to all this green and pink stuff and I'm like the color combo is bugging me out. Well even more importantly this is what my comment was going to be at the her the front of her house. Quite frankly it looks like a museum. It's a hotel then it has a front and then there's a carpet that says it to exactly like this is a misstep for me because I realized as people were walking up to it it looks like they were going to check in or go to a reception to look at some art. It did not look like at home. So Lisa take down the signs and make it look a little more homely. Yeah we don't need your fucking house. Yeah and by the way yeah that's the thing when you put a name up for your estate you put it on the front by the street. You don't have to have it on the front door on the front door on the carpet like on the door knobs on the bridge. You don't need to have like pigeons flying over with banners announcing that it's Villa Rosa. We get it. You know she's probably already trying to like turn this into her next restaurant at some point. You know sir has that same kind of big-ass square sign next to the front door. Villa Blanca has it. It's like you know what this woman she's so tacky to me at this point. I mean I still love her. I'm still team Lisa over especially team Kyle and we'll get there in a minute. But like she's getting so tacky. Dancing with the stars premiered the other night. She sucked on it. I don't see that. You know we had Vanderpump rules this you know past few months which we all loved but we think that it definitely is tarnishing her you know reputation because clearly she hires slutty trash bags. Well you know this woman is going downhill and if Brandy who we love is her white trash best friend now it's like this girl is heading to the gutter. Well not only that but you know the comments last night about oh well Adrian only does anything to promote her her brand. Well that's true and that is a disgusting thing about Adrian. But think about when we've seen Lisa this year. We've seen her throw a tea party which was to bring on her staff from sir and show off her new home. Back doorpile. Like she does the same thing. Every time we see her you know she's only getting married again to have the finale at her house instead of Kyle's lame ass white party. Well it's the beginning of the season. I feel like Villa Blanca with like the flowers being delivered by Adrian. God we're always in those goddamn restaurants. Yeah but you know what though there's a but you know what though I feel like the difference between Lisa and Adrian is that Lisa's things that she's promoting and yes she does promote a lot. Is that it's sort of authentic. Listen hey let me let me. I feel I feel like you're getting sort of order order order. I don't want to push you off the turquoise bridge into the lily pond. I love that Ronnie is the judge Judy. Okay no what I was gonna say is I think it's an authentic it's an authentic shilling. Y'all y'all this my courtroom man. I think with I think with Lisa there's an authentic authenticity in the shilling in that she has these restaurants and it's a natural outgrowth of like being a restaurateur she's gonna promote it whereas Adrian's just sort of like okay I've got to decide I'm gonna start a new product and here's a party for this and it's sort of like quixotic it doesn't even it just is like she's just trying to cash in so desperately and she's grasping at straws that's why I think you that I'll give you that and I also do like that they are renewing their vows they actually are a couple that has been together for 30 years it makes sense unlike so many of these other people who can't keep their shit together so I'm not a hater on Lisa I just am like you know I'm a little tired of her after all beating being beaten over the head by her and seeing her on three reality shows in the span of five seconds and watching her get mounted by Ken on a massage table oh my god and didn't you love how Jiggy was trying to bury himself into Brandi's vagina oh yeah well he likes to keep himself warm he does and wet oh and then Mohammed started slapping her ass what was that wasn't wasn't Mohammed that was Martin our fearless best friend with the wonderful hair well they have a very similar hairstyle it's like the Jodi Foster you know accused look at that are you talking about old fart and Martin I was zoning out for a second yeah old fart yeah I said in the recap that he looks like Diane Von Furstenberg made out a bark like that I don't know what happened him he looks like a piece of bark that you drop down the garbage disposal on accident and like try to pull it out and fix it for a big jump jump and bark yeah yeah he's like if if Dame Maggie Smith decided to put on a gray Jodi Foster wig that's what that's what he is I think he actually looks like that evil witch that was always stirring the cauldron and those cartoons from like our childhood he looks like one of those kind of those evil trees that taunt people like Snow White or whatever as she runs through the forest but with a Jodi Foster wig I think he looks like a Snickers bar that you left in the car and it got melted so you put it in the freezer and then you unwrapped it and it was all misshapen with a Jodi Foster wig with a Jodi Foster that's a new like you open a Chinese fortune cookie and you add in bed and you could say anything you want about this do but it always has to end with and a Jodi Foster wig you know he looks like yesterday I was going through my kitchen and I found this piece of ginger that I've forgotten about for months and it had it had sort of like dehydrated become all desiccated and wrinkly and sort of brown but still sort of smelled nice that's what he's like with a Jodi Foster wig okay can we talk about this party who is this crazy blond lady that shows up with homemade jam that's Linda Thompson oh my god well Linda Thompson I loved it because she's trying to it's not the mother of Brody it's the mother of Brody the best friend of Taylor the ex-wife of David and frequent co-star on the hills and on former lover of Elvis Presley so anyway she comes in and I love that she immediately is trying to out Yolanda Yolanda by announcing that she's made she makes homemade jams at certain times of the year I'm like you know that Yolanda's gonna shop with a full truckload of like lemon preserves like oh would I just happen to make this last night I think it's very important for a wife to make a truckload of lemon preserves you know she will oh yeah she should and then I love that Linda then made a joke she's so middle-class well I think that she is rubbing it in Yolanda's face that she's left money you know she's left penniless over there while Yolanda's off gallivanting around with David Foster mm-hmm that's how I took it I thought she I thought that was her rich person way of saying oh you look wonderful you look your white outfit is so much more expensive than mine and I hope you enjoy this jam because this is what I'm eating on my peanut butter sandwiches that I'm left with now that you've stolen my husband you see work and Yolanda's like oh peanut butter so you make your own peanut butter also you know I grow my own peanut and then I tell them into my own butter and then I said let's write a joke that's what I do I drew the peanuts that you made that peanut butter out of what do you think of that Linda hey Linda I make lemon butter it's very romantic for me to make lemon butter and put it on my sandwich and give it to my husband who is no longer your husband yeah it cleans his colon it's like having your husband but with a cleaner call in he's always like with my ex-wife my corner was never clean but now that I have you on your lemons my colon is very clean isn't that so funny haha how about you make how much you make up a business about your little jams and then maybe you could loan me some money to buy a stirred horse hey Linda you know your jams are so lovely why don't you sell them in the supermarket that I built last night I always built supermarkets you know Sim City you know people play that game Sim City will I actually have a simulated city yeah I draw whole city supermarket and the walls are made of glass you could see what's in there yeah and I decorated with with Arthur I bought for four hundred dollars from artists who can barely eat ramen he wanted to sell a thousand dollars that way he could have rent for the month but I said no he has fifty dollars and a job lemon she is a negotiator well I love that Linda was also you know you guys know her because of her reality pedigree but I know her because last season she was the one at that party in Malibu that Brandy tried to throw to yes make everyone happy that Taylor had the breakdown hat yeah or one of her breakdowns I was gonna say please specify which break and she was the one he was like listen honey look at the world look at where we are this has been here long before us and it's gonna be here long after look at the beautiful moon in the ocean yeah I was like oh this is a bitch you put Brody Jenner on the earth I know exactly like yes the world has been here for a long time until he brought the Antichrist into it yeah no kidding I mean thank you for the probably five times I've masturbated to his image in my head but otherwise fuck you and what you've done to the world well more importantly then then Linda arriving at this party was that Kim arrived wearing a black dress and then Lisa made a joke about oh did you get the memo about the black dress and then later Kim then someone came also black and women Kim goes did you get the memo there was no memo Lisa was like you get the memo there was no memo I got it there's no memo to get the memo they did she was barely on the episode because you know sure that she was like bobbing for turtles and Lisa's like koi pond back that's because there was a memo to go to the koi pond you get the memo Lisa was like you get the memo that's why I said you get the memo at least I was like yeah no I got the memo hey hey do you get the memo I posted notes in my club compartment you want to play a memo game with me off memo I love tape I love tape I love writing things on paper I sometimes if I forget something what I do is I write out something I posted note and put it the bottom of my chicken salad so when I get the bow on the ball I'm like oh yeah I forgot I got got a boot in an ear I was delicious chicken salad I got the memo I got a memo to get more frames get more pictures I was gonna say go dust your frames that's what the memo says no it's like dust the silver for catch the airplane at fanize airport I love the airplanes I just love them I love your air I was like is this airplane going to Hawaii I wasn't sure so I put a posted note on the wing I was like this will remind the plane where to go hey planes you get the memo yeah memo happened memo on your wing plane camp was wasted again and this reminds me I have to bring up Sarah Silverman on watch what happens because amazing when they were in Austin it was hilarious I did not watch the whole thing because you know I have that show banded my home because I don't want to ruin my dog Bueller I don't want to ruin his personality so I have to turn it off but I was waiting for something else to start and it was on and he brought up Kim to her and she was like oh my god she was saying something like oh my god that's so painful to watch and he's like yeah but she's okay now and she's like yeah I've been watching her be okay all season long she had a problem in Paris and she's like no no no that bit it was it was actually the best part of the entire like I actually I was off last week so I watched watch what crappings while I was on vacation because I'm you know what do you call that I'm a not a misogynist I am a masochist yes well you're both really I'm both I'm both they don't masochist misogynist he hates and Andy was trying to sell Sarah Silverman on the fact that Kim is okay and Sarah was not having it and she's like Andy if you think that's okay this world is fucked up she was like she is not okay and I'm glad that we're not the only people that feel that oh my gosh she's so obviously not okay yeah wasted again yesterday Kyle Kyle looks more terrified than ever for her sister's you know well-being by the way Kyle had a funny moment to me she was talking about the rumors that she had liposuction whatever and she's saying how like they made it sound like I was having a full body miss full body makeover but just like a little bit here there and then Camille's like you know Camille starts being like I know that's just ridiculous that they would say that about you know in my mind I'm being like yeah it's like it's crazy you're still so fat like obviously you haven't had a body makeover I know Camille had to get one last jab in before they shifted to the glue factor I mean I haven't seen anything as ridiculous as saying that Kyle Richards has had a body makeover I mean come on yeah and it is kind of ridiculous because you know look she's not fat but she's definitely fatter than usual she definitely looks like there's a little bit of it's been it's been a bull market for her there have been some gains but then she was on that diving show and she was in a swimsuit so I don't know maybe she went back for more I don't know I have to say I don't care who cares I have to say Camille also provided to me one of my personally favorite moments the episode which I'm sure every single person did missed but I just somehow like zeroed in on it and I actually recorded it and I'm gonna play it for you guys because what it was was that the big news is that Adrian and Paul announced their separation the morning of this party and so everyone was talking about it and so Camille and Mauricio were talking about it and Camille was trying to say like gosh it's so sad that we're gonna be celebrating some wedding vow renewals or another one such bad news or another one shambles but she like couldn't get it out and some recently was pretty much like narrating what she's trying to say and you just hear Camille be like oh yeah she's like making just weird noises so funny to me that I actually recorded I'm gonna play it off of my iPhone into the microphone here and hopefully hopefully it'll sound right okay ready everyone yes hey I'm Ryan Reynolds recently I asked Mint mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation they said yes and then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts they said what the are you talking about you insane Hollywood so to recap we're cutting the price of Mint unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month give it a try at mint mobile dot com slash switch $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month new customers on first three month plan only taxes and fees extra speed slower above 40 gigabytes detail credit karma makes building your credit straight forward and stress free with help from our credit builder sign up today at credit karma dot com and start enhancing your financial health credit karma your partner in building a brighter financial future credit builder plan is serviced by credit karma credit builder and requires a line of credit and savings account provided by cross river bank member fdic wait it's of course it's not said that we're gonna be celebrating somebody else's is she drunk too? I love she's like she's like she just like falls apart like that sounds like a lady a rich white lady on prescription meds wait can I play it again can I play it again just play it for the rest of that okay hold on at one point she's derailed she just starts saying the same thing he's like yeah they're celebrating renewals they're renewals the same day one more time one more time this just proves my point that this woman should not be removed from the cast it is just so upsetting to me she is not a full-time cast member well they finally got Camille to fly her c-word flag again and now she's leaving she's finally dropped the shenanigans and is back to being a horrible human being again and they're like bye so speaking of horrible human beings in addition to sharing the same crazy neighbors is it time to get to the main event it is there are kind of two main events well there's there's the main event that is spurred by you know initial conversation that is going down between brandy and marissa and so the thing is at Adrienne's party that we spoke of earlier the vodka party marissa was kind of bitching to the group of women that were actually at Adrienne's party about a text she received from brandy you know with brandy coaching her on her marriage i mean marissa has been joking throughout the season how she wants to sleep with other dudes besides her husband and it's in my opinion kind of tacky i mean yes you know couples can do it if she's fucking horrible okay she's horrible okay she's horrible let's be honest i think that she's actually horrible i wanted to like her but i don't like her and then she's complaining about brandy in front of these other women yolanda thinks it's tacky because yolanda is amazing in my new favorite housewife and so then it gets rehashed at least this party and yolanda says brandy you need to go talk to marissa about this that then becomes the favorite as a nightmare so where do you guys want to like start well so what happens is this is when yolanda finally has a shining moment because ronnie was promising us all season so um we're at least this party i know my housewives i know my house they just like a long they like a long dramatic buildup i just know that it's coming i love it so yolanda who is clearly she knows who decided with brandy and lisa she pulls brandy and marissa together and and yolanda's like you know you know that uh marissa was saying some things about you and marissa i thought you'd care to explain them to brandy and so marissa tries to sort of like soft petalit or whatever yeah all i was saying was that i totally agreed with everything that you said and then yolanda was like actually no no exactly verbatim how you said it and how inappropriate you were and i loved it and so yolanda was calling marissa on her ship marissa's like humna humna humna but you know what though to be fair brandy was like no i but she wasn't getting all confrontational they were no finger wagging and marissa was sort of like inching towards the truth of what she actually said and yolanda kept on being like well you were being very caddy whatever and they were you know it was a sort of a heated moment but it wasn't a tense moment if that makes sense not i thought it was one of the nicest things ever because they were hashing it out actually brandy was actually not even confronting her she was trying to say like look i get it yeah you know and i'm cool with you i just want to make sure we're okay yeah and she wasn't yelling at her being mean door or even being a bitch at all she was like smiling fine yeah like their voices were like they were like animated their voices were were raised but it wasn't it really wasn't a fight it wasn't even that raised yeah it was they were just hashing it out obviously her it was obviously just marissa trying to get in with the other women and get camera time right and that was and but that's legit makes sense she's a new cast member it's a way to get in with the other ladies it totally makes sense and i think that brandy would have let her off the hook and i think marissa would have let brandy off the hook and i think yolanda was kind of there as the moderator and forcing marissa to like you know admit what she had done and i think had it just remained the three of them it would have been fine but then the morally corrupt burn victim slash corpse bride has to swoop in and make my skin crawl make my blood boil make me yell at my tv make my neighbors think i'm a crazy person i was screaming at the tv last night well what happened was that the women all the harpies rocked the side saw a fight and then all of a sudden they're like oh my god put marissa it's one against two that's just so not fair so fey resnick walks her stupid wrinkly raisin ass i have to add in there yes that kimmyl goes what are they why are they yelling at marissa marissa didn't do anything wrong like biz know what she was there and that is not how you pronounce her name marissa marissa i said that we're gonna be celebrating somebody else's yeah we're doing the same day that we hear about our friends uh so let's set it that is going to be that is going to be played throughout the year um so listen up marissa marissa listeners better enjoy that one no but but marissa just i don't know she's so nice uh like her her yeah her uh the renewal i mean i need i need to i need to keep yelling okay so let me just say this oh okay so here's what i'm so mad fey walks up fey walks up and brandy immediately being she you know brandy knows how to take care of this she goes uh you're not involved in this and fey in my favorite line of the season goes i'm involved with everything and she sounds just like that by the way she sounds like a man i'm involved with everything like this everything she says she was like this this was like an audition for her to be on marissa's place i'm involved with everything you're all fired right like watch out amanda woodward i'm taking over dnd advertising and another thing i'm involved with everything so talison parker and then brandy has this great line well they start getting into it and brandy and her confessional has this great line where she says well fey walks up puts her dick on the table and tries to get involved and uh it just pretty much went downhill from there right yeah i mean fey is obviously making a play to be you know the shiznet of the housewives which i guess is working if they're bringing her on next season but she's so horrible and she cannot even speak english and i just love her listen even if you borrowed you can borrows many shanels but that doesn't um that doesn't uh it's like you don't you've been rehearsing this line for months yeah you can't say it come on you're terrible it's the most hypocritical person ever because she's calling brandy out for being rude and tacky all the time and every time we've seen fey on screen this season she's actually doing the attacking and being a tacky nasty classless bitch she does that every season it's not just this season she did season one without us and do bois so you know what makes me so insane it's like fine this woman can be a tacky gross disgusting monster all she wants she looks like one she sounds like one she's horrible i get so mad that kyle is friends with her and i have been not on kyle's side this entire season it makes my skin crawl that kyle supports this woman oh i know she's a total opportunist she has been for decades now and did you see kyle she was like i can't get involved in this and she like throws her hands up in the air and does like a um a kenya more twirl like gone with them in fabulous and then that's like fey's cue to go in and fight the battle for her well why doesn't kyle ever say to fey listen fey these are my friends that i brought you into don't like don't get involved don't speak to them i know you're trying to think you're defending them but it's really pissing me off stop it yeah you know oh no sorry go ahead no i was gonna say that's what i always have to tell ronnie uh ronnie are you alive start talking i know seriously no i was just listening i was just listening to you but fey you know the whole thing that she was trying to start last night was bugging me because even before that party went there were being mean at the party before that and surrounding marissa and everything that marissa was saying they were like oh yeah well she throws everyone under the bus because they're kissing adrienne's ass who's sitting there like well you know i don't stoop to that level unfortunately you know brandy's a whore who sleeps all day in a drunk trying to raise children but i would never say anything about friday and they're like oh i know and especially kamiel this is what i don't get i even googled last night kamiel grammar adrienne maloof business partnership because i want to know where the money is being funneled right don't you think that they're all on her payroll my god well fey kind of is because she's a designer and adrienne's always buying property so fey could you know she's like a marisio she could always be making money off something but kamiel doesn't do anything like i think she has a business selling like plastic julia on ebay she does and it's the saddest website i've ever seen but she's also a dancer yeah that's true um but yeah she's pathetic so i'm wondering where the money is being filed in if she's starting something up with adrienne there's out there all criminals there will be some kind of partnership between her and adrienne because it's just too much with her being like oh adrienne we were all standing up for you that entire that's what they're not going to be able to hawk any of it on bravo anymore because both of those bitches got canned yep so let's talk about the final bit of Beverly Hills my favorite part is yolanda then regulated fey yeah i died oh yeah this was you know never go up against a Dutch woman she'll always regulate it i didn't finish i didn't finish um because i don't have a brand that works properly but it really bugged me that fey was saying oh really you don't think she would have sex with a married man kyle well what about at your party in the bathroom when she when people saw well we don't know that that was a married man and we don't even know that it even happened and the fey is doing exactly what she thinks that brand and more importantly who hasn't had sex in a bathroom at a child's birthday party no it wasn't a child's birthday party it was a white it was the white party oh you're supposed to have a white is white is the color of semen so there should have been sex how why does the color you get jazzed on so that you can bleach it later yeah and also you guys um lisa says on the internet this week if you ever read the internet which is a really good place to read we clearly don't read books so but if you're an avid internet reader lisa says this week that she was the one i think this is in her brothel blog which i'm i know i'm pathetic for reading but she says that she was the one at that white party to open the bathroom and that's how the lady saw brandy in there and that she was not having sex with anybody she was making out with that latin guy and it was no and what's wrong i mean are these are these women in high school like it's okay like whatever you make out on someone's bathroom at least it wasn't the bed and was he married because fey is keeps saying that fey said that he was very clearly suggested that he was having sex with him she was having sex with the married man and then what was the thing she accused her of after that um and then she accused brandy of breaking up paul and adrien's marriage oh yeah which was like such the tacky as a blow ever and it's so not true and that's when yolanda was like bitch shut up yeah that was great that yolanda was like that's ridiculous chills yolanda was so classy that she was like you are ridiculous turned her back on the corpse bride and was like i am out of here yeah her and brandy just laughing in her face and walking away from her whistle areas and what made it even better was that marisa we're sitting there telling fey off she was like come on fey that is a low flow yeah i know you know that like you know like the ghost of nicole brown simpson is watching from heaven being like ugh i hate that people think i was friends with this woman no she didn't think it's her own death and is like on a yacht right now is like drinking champagne but thank god i'm not friends with fey she's like ojay was a dream no kidding at least ojay chopped my head off and got it done with this woman will still be talking it off all these things i was like please ojay take me i just i have to hang i'm just have coffee with fey tomorrow just ojay just do it for me just finish it okay guys we've been going on never the hills forever yeah i know but we're not done we're not okay one last point ronnie one last point before we go to atlanta my computer is dying okay um there is gossip on the internet that i read because i'm a reader avidly of the internet like i've mentioned um they they were talking about phase history and about they've they show pictures with her now hanging out with her old friend chris jenner and uh disgusting all these disgusting reality horrors but that makes me think of ojay history because chris jenner was married to the kardashian guy who was the lawyer who hit all the evidence in the ojay she was married which is totally disgusting so she was like poke heads with fey when all that ojay shit was going down and then nicole kidman got killed for it and then she's it just gets mikle kidman and the star of stoker then you know what i'm not mad at feyresnik anymore i thought that she killed i thought that she got nicole kidman killed no nicole kidman's alive and well are you mad at kenya are you mad at porsha are you mad at a candy let's move to the real housewise of atlanta my computer is going to die okay to the white me i just had to say that because we did not say that all right so the the episode of the episode opened up with porsha um doing a baby test nobody cares when i was i don't think that she should have a baby because he doesn't want to hire help porsha's crying because here's what i care nobody cares here's why i care because porsha thought she had to pee on the test for two minutes straight for it to get to work who i got one i got a piano for 245 days a year that's a full year that's a minus sign but it's kind of a plus sign no look at the box this one plus sign looks like then i love how he's like not even a horse piece for two minutes how how does he know about that what does he know he may be checking out a bunch of horse dong so you know he may know some things about that area locker room in the locker room he probably sees a lot of horse dong mmm-hmm and then we went on then then we moved on to candies who candy so we then we saw this like hovel on the side of like the interstate that was like boarded up and it's supposed to be candy thought they were gonna say i thought they were gonna say it's peters old club oh no i thought they were gonna say i was gonna say that like they walked in and i was like this already looks ten times better than the belly agency it's candies new studio um it's to have nine layers of security guards and metal detectors because people want to come steal her next gospel hit well yeah if she's friends with peter of course he's gonna try to steal everything out of there um and then uh and then at one point i'm just going through my notes at this point i think there is more talk about like Porsche and Cordell we're talking about the vagus trip and how the women were coming down on cordell for about the strip club etc and he's like he doesn't care he's like i'm in control but i'm not controlling it's like all right well a lot of brains in this family i don't control you who said that i don't control i control i mean i control i'm in control i'm in control but i'm not control i'm the boss of the remote control and you're vagina you know what you can have a baby when i tell you to when you leave and you ain't leaving i didn't give you a pass to leave you ain't going nowhere we're talking about how i'm not controlling bitch now how we're gonna have a baby if i have sex with a man can we make a baby still or no i can't get i can't figure that out how are you going to have a baby and how are you going to have a job and and do all that at the same time well you know i my mama had a baby and it was okay and i got you i didn't do nothing with the baby i don't know what you think it i'm going to do with the baby whatever the man does with the man does he give you the baby then you got to carry that baby round you got to be responsible with that baby i ain't doing nothing i need to stop you because this is getting offensive that's what it was it's just a sound of his voice it was offensive and it's exactly how he sounds yeah okay so undercover brothers let's talk about i'm half Lebanese so i can say whatever i want those are my before we even get to Walter what happens is that Cynthia and Peter decided to throw a black tie event for i could not tell what reason they just decided to throw a black tie party these two people these idiots are constantly throwing gallows and black tie events and they're poor and i have no idea why and they are poor exactly why do they always throw these things and then on top of that they tell everyone to show up in black tie and peter wears a white tie that is improper i watch a lot of down nabby and i know about proper dress code and formal that's now who there's a hole in his dinner jacket but what's the largest so now who how how simply devilish this party has a white tie when they miss the black ties to get it at fresh and easy from the fresh news in about a black tie about an injure he passed three dollars so i bought some flowers too um so anyway the best part about this party is that it's because peter wants to invite rich people to talk about fitness really that it was your fat and you're on and you're a weed addict and an alcoholic you can't keep a job and you want to come talk to me about fitness please oh well did you forget that Apollo is a personal trainer and a nutritionist i love how faedra called him a nutritionist yeah because she makes she makes healthy dinners for her man hmm hmm Apollo is healthy like he's got a killer body i would i would listen to that before because he is a killer from prison it's okay he's got a great body we'll excuse it let's slide if it's if it's pull up some push-ups and getting your butt raped a little bit in prison whatever whatever your program is is working for you now peter is a bleary eyed bloodshot fat so talking about fitness come on yeah yeah he just looks like a puddle or something but um anyway my favorite part about this gala before the big controversy started was that they're all sitting at a table and kenya announced that she's going to have a party where she wants to celebrate iconic black women in film why i don't know it seems like a strange thing to me but more importantly she tells everyone she's like oh i want you to be you know uh diana Ross and you can be taina turner she tells Portia i really want you to come dressed as holly berry in baps which to me was the most amazing that was a passive aggressive assignment because it's like holly berry actually won an Oscar for her role in monsters ball and clearly everything since then and probably before then was all trash but if you guys had to go as one character from holly berry's um i am db resume which holly berry character would you go chasing isiah i would probably go as her from rich man's wife one of my favorite thrillers that any time it's on tp's boomerang boomerang i take it back i say boomerang it was her her first major movie but anyway what i love is that Portia's like well are you not going to let ronnie answer oh sorry i would probably say catwoman just in case i ran into Sharon stone she could be like oh my god i was in that movie and then be like oh my god me too okay Ben continue we did i did not know that Sharon stone was in catwoman and now i have to see it yeah she was the villain so anyway um so i love that Portia's trying to be like well i i kind of like uh holly berry from you're playing Dr. dandridge and and kenny just goes it's my party and that's how i see you like that's how parties work yeah you tell people what to wear and also i see you as a bat so go go on and get the costume i was hoping that she was going to tell fadra to dress as tyler perry as madia you would have thought you would have thought that was going to happen well at least she didn't ask you to dress like monique and precious it could have been the thought worst i know gabra is today that's nini that is totes nini hmm throwing a tv down the stairs of someone's head oh my god so hilarious um so then anyway Walter shows up and it's a big thing and then kim could be um mariah kerry from precious because she's kind of white and kind of black and mariah kerry had moustache and precious so yes so it's gonna be charlie ralph from something no diggity no doubt someone be piled from two two seven i just had water come out my nose surely marley gibbs was in some movie that can be included in this all right so they go to this stupid party and walter's there with his sad gay plumbing act yeah so walter you know what i have to say can you with sort of sorting the idea that walter might be gay and i have to say i think so i would actually say i hate to be the one doing a gay witch hunt but he's gay especially when he he had his big line where he's trying to sound like a bro and he it was so clunky he's like i like my woman like i like my rims twenty-two's twenty-four's twenty-six's i'm like i'll bet you like your rims yeah he does you like his rims can somebody please make us a picture he's like he's like i like my woman like i like my cars with a penis wait a second did i say that i mean everybody could have told that he was gay like when he went fishing with like uh kenya and he was wearing like glamorous like white leather high tops from gucci i was like girl please you know how you could tell he was gay because he shacked up with kenya who's basically a drag queen that's how you can tell exactly um they didn't check up they never even had sex and he won't even see her naked which whatever the whole thing is we know this entire season that that was a whole like fake scam they were never a couple he was always gay he was never gonna sleep with her and she needed a storyline so boring can we move on to the candy party and my my theory still stands that he was the actor in that terrible youtube movie i agree then is the only one who disagrees with maybe he is maybe he is also another adding more fuel to the fire so cordell the reason why we're making the gay jokes about cordell is because he has been famously uh plagued by gay rumors his entire career way before this show and so at the candy party which we're about to get to Walter walks in his name k-o-r-d-e-l-l-g-s do you see you have to have to ask so here's the thing Walter walks it's like poor bell but with a d and an extra bell yeah oh he's been in jail is this a mugsight i don't know girl maybe he's in this maybe he was in the slammer with Apollo hey hey either way either way Walter Walter walks in with a some girl named like klamencia or whatever klamydia and the first thing he looks like the most busted drag queen from rupaul's drag race ever exactly he he deposits her onto a couch and walks immediately over to cordell and sits and hangs out with him forever and talks about like all these gay rumors you know whatever and that both of them you could be like yeah that's crazy like why would anyone like you got why would everyone say we're gay like never absolutely hey girl you need to go to the bathroom oh me too let's go yeah i was like way to really cover up those rumors by settling up to the one man at the party who has famous gay rumors about him yeah but let's go back there i'll shake you off i'll shake you i'll shake it off just like a man man's man can somebody start talking like riley i'm like getting to the point where i need me some riley well at this party it was we unveiled we got to see candies new estate which included a nice big bedroom for riley oh my god with a stage and a chalkboard and it's the tackiest fucking thing i've ever seen riley you know sometimes i think that riley riley needs a stage you know because riley likes to sing so i got riley a stage for riley and the donuts where was mama joise i missed me some mama joise that's for you ronnie ronnie that's your cue i you guys i'm reading about i'm looking for gay pictures of ronnie ronnie after the podcast i'd like threw you a softball underhand slow pitch that was for you to knock out of the park i mean even riley could get that i'm looking for cordial steward penis pictures on the internet and let's roll i mean it's roll they don't do that in a pond riley why are you looking up pictures of cordial's penis riley i need you to have mama joise say candy's name because i love how mama joe says candy candy oh my god my day is complete so what i love as we're looking at as we're looking at this candy's huge double house estate is that we then cut to Cynthia who says in her confessional starts laughing Peter and i need to step up our game like we could stand to have a bigger house bitch you ain't got no money this is your whole problem you see other people's houses and you decide you want one too you don't have the money stop no they are still renting that Range Rover that is at least eight years old and every time they show an outside of Cynthia's condo i always freak out because the shutters are all like broken at the top mmm like that is me with my gay OCD but i'm like can you fix the goddamn shutters it would cost you ten dollars on a trip to home depot riley go over to Cynthia's house and fix them shutters riley riley could not be getting up a ladder let's get real she's on stage in a bedroom you better give up there and that's there's no some money maybe give it to Cynthia and shouldn't buy house riley why don't you get on the stage riley inappropriate inappropriate and we're not even at bevy smith yet oh my god uh there's nothing else to say about real house and it is so boring nobody cares fadra and can you kind of like patch things up slash they still hate each other candies party totes boring who cares oddly oddly set up it was just a very strange party and there was a pool in the basements and even more strangely there was a man uh painting something on a canvas i don't know if anyone noticed that surprisingly it wasn't um chef roblay no nor was it a painting of riley and a basement either i think he lives in uh fatra's rec room yeah absolutely when he's not filming his crappy bravo reality show yeah uh speaking of crappy bravo reality shows let's talk about the season premiere of fashion queen starring eric j lorence and business man oh my god i had no idea what this was supposed to be because all the promos were very cryptic and uh it's basically bravo's attempt to rip off fashion police what did you guys think it was the worst show i've ever seen in my life slash i said i just season pass uh i would did not set a season pass i i was like my i wanted to go alone you know what i really wanted to go Nicole brown Simpson myself after seeing that show only 22 minutes without it was the fey resnick of tv shows here's the thing so some lady with crazy teeth named bebby smith comes on who by the way and i posted this on facebook i think that that is actually Tracy morgan from saturday live playing the zoologist brian fellows as bebby smith yeah absolutely you know she it really it felt like public access and bebby actually it felt cheaper than watch what crappins the podcast yeah it really did like we look like the oscars right now compared to that show you know what one thing i liked about bebby smith was every now and then she would call out Derek j and lorence washington she'd call them out that was the best part about the show because like uh what's up with your mint green lady suit lady yeah and Derek j was like well it's a woman suit he's like but it's kind of masculine and and and lorence was like yeah it's a woman suit but it has a masculine sort of situation yeah and then she was like it's the kind of mint green froyo you know yeah and then she'd be like lorence what's up with your bangs you like to get bang because you're a big alhamma what yeah and then uh she uh i like when she schooled lorence on his quote unquote vintage frock she's like if it if it's only six years old it ain't vintage it's old but that was like two two or three amusing moments and the rest was okay well first of all why does that woman talk like this hi i'm burning this mess i'm from some magazines welcome and she's like obviously reading the cute cars so they write everything for her thank god i mean she's barely getting it out but then you get to the boys and they write nothing for them they're letting them ad lib and they're you know whoever program the show is under the mistake that a lot of straight people make which is why i think this is a total straight person show yeah but they think that because gay people have the gay talk you know how gay people generally have tongues too big for our mouth and we list and we do things like uh uh-uh-uh that people are like that's so funny because you said it you said it you could say like that's around around the corner but if you say like that dog ran around the corner honey yeah people yeah i know that's that's actually one of my biggest complaints with this show and everything about miss jay on real on you know top model whatever um i i just i feel like lorence washington is dumb like i feel like he's an actual dumb person when he is not attached to sure she by charades hip i do not give a fuck like i don't understand why these two are considered this array saying uh-huh yeah you should hit her i don't i don't understand why these two are considered fashion experts there's nothing fashionable about them like i don't see them as being experts i don't see them as being authorities i see them as people who who see brand names they see like they are clowns and they are put on tv so that people will make fun of them and laugh at them for being ridiculous and saying ridiculous things it is setting the gay movement back five hundred years and i wrote yeah i wrote the same thing in my notes i said they're dressed like clowns and they are clowns especially lorence i mean direct j he's dressed like a clown too but i thought he was a little bit more put together i mean lorence is just like being outrageous but that's not why is that fashion why is that a fashion statement nobody should listen to these people they're horrible it's disgusting the ratings were not amazing it's probably not gonna last am i gonna be the only one though that's watching the rest of the season but let me tell you um halfway through it i had to pee and normally i will press pause when i have to go pee pee but i was like fuck i don't mean what am i gonna miss on this show you know so i went pee and i closed the door which i guess is kind of weird because like do you sit down you sit down i bet i do i like to sit down and read so i was sitting down and reading and it it was still playing in the other room and this is this is how the show sounds from the other room i was like oh which is an elephant meeting with the rhinoceros on the national algebra that or the way it's a resnick has sex it was just ridiculous i was like shut up it was like a symphony of stupid feggito burrito i know i think there was sometimes where i thought there's no van der pump rules it's no gallery girls so i assume that you guys are going to be getting on board but i will watch this over l_a_ shrinks it's i would know i would watch l_a_ shrinks first because quite frankly there's nothing going on with the show bevy smith was like brian fellows but she was also like a character out of in living color i mean it was almost like seeing uh david alan grier uh in drag you know it was it was just it was ridiculous naps in a z formation and i feel like she's in frag it was just like seeing david alan grier yeah it was yeah it was probably about there by now yeah you know i actually believe that she's informed about fashion she every every now and then things would come out you know you could tell she's aware of things the other two i mean they're they're hairstylists that's all nothing yeah but fat you know what fashion so fucking ridiculous anyway i mean just as a sport it's ridiculous it's like what you're going to sit there and talk about what kesha is wearing who cares like read a fucking book read the internet at least i mean get more at least be funny you know at the top of the show there was there was some last you know bevy bevy has a few zings that they spent the guys but then it fell apart it could be fun if they stop with all these dumb ass segments and they just let her be mean to them the entire half hour well that would be good that would be good fingers are crossed is anybody watching millionaire matchmaker mind the only one watching patty stanger yes no i mean yeah i mean i'm not watching it and yes you are the only one sorry this past episode but they but they had a um a bravo top chef alum on this past week you eat from top chef just desserts oh gidget yidget gidget from turkey from turkey from turkey turkey they can print out that shit you eat all they want his ass is named yidget okay Lawrence Washington is here yes that's how i'm going to say everything now because you'll think it funny oh my girl and here we are laughing nonetheless you see totally work you guys i thought we were well you guys at least watched the new season i was so nervous but they were showing they were showing promos tabatha is coming back at least yeah let's go wait wait wait go back to yeet yeah so now we want to talk about i want to talk about you so was he the millionaire because that's laughable well she was like trying to make a case for him being a millionaire but she's like he's on the rise so he is a gay millionaire in training you know i think that means what do they win fifty thousand dollars on top chef just desserts what are they exactly and that's before tax and in jail term if you didn't show his house they didn't show his car they didn't show anything clearly he has five dollars yeah clearly he's like a subway he's one of those people who takes his fucking bike onto the subway uh he's probably in his free time he's probably like a sandwich artist at subway yeah so did he get any love um he ended up picking some bald dude that he knew previously that was actually hot but was wearing like a similar pukashell necklace and but the problem is they're both bottoms oh you know i was really hoping that there'll be some some love in their life um although it is sort of weird talking about yeet and romance and we're talking so much about divorce and everything and it's i don't know just it really makes me reflect on so many things right hit it hit play do you know that going forward now i'm gonna have to start recording everything onto my phone because i'm just gonna want to have us just do an intro to watch what crappins and then just play clips like that you know i think i think i'm i think we should have little clips like that more often because there's so many funny like i'm gonna get like a million candy lines which is like rallies bedrooms at stage oh my god rally anyway is there anything else you guys want to discuss before we wrap this be up global i want to know what our plan is for the week as far as what we're going to watch because there are a bunch of new shows and have we watch these shows and when does that married to medicine show come on because that's it's coming sunday i want to pair that with real housewives of the land of this coming sunday we are all definitely watching that i will still be watching fashion queens because i am is that on sunday too that's i think i think they're going to put a limited second half hour i think they're going to pair it with watch what crappins after watch what happens excuse me how dare i i know it's just going to be sunday night is going to be black tonight what happened to one america stand up for yourselves don't take this bravo is making sunday nights more embarrassing in your history than the entire reign of the u p n by the way what happened to what happened in outer space huh what happened to kathy by the way is that did that end bump to friday nights in the late night time so it's still airing i don't yes it is still airing she's actually having that gross ginger from modern family on as a guest this week wow how's it doing in the ratings do we know um they moved it to friday night at like 11 30 i think that's your answer no it's not a good sign who stays in on a friday night and watches tv not me certainly i'm not me that it how terrible i don't like staying and watch shark tank no you like oh my god shark i don't want to five rerun i mean five reruns of house centers international but i have on my dv are in front i don't take pathetic i don't take two episodes of judge duty every single day monday through friday and stay home friday night and watch all ten of them never oh my god flash every friday night i go out and i i just like play and have fun and the social life totally totally with your zinc vodka anyway you guys this has been an amazing episode we will have so much to talk about next week as ronnie hinted at we will have the new show married to medicine in the mix i'm actually also watching a little bit of rachel zoe and it's a brad brad world and dukes of melrose but i may be alone if you guys want us to talk about it though you should get on our facebook page which is facebook.com backslash watch what crappins and let us know if you want us to be talking about rachel zoe or brad or if you would prefer to save us some time in our lives where we don't want to kill ourselves and um we could just focus more on the housewives yeah and remember that no matter how many she knows you borrow you will never be a lady yeah yeah thank you for listening bye everyone bye wait a second and also get up on the twitter ronnie is at tv gazam benn is at beside blog i am absolutely endless and our show is at what crappins again sorry you need to talk faster why bitch i'm going to fight you listen yeah i thought you were done listen listen on a serious note i there there is something i want to talk about just say it right right at the end wait yeah you're making it sound like somebody's dead well i i just have something very serious i just want to say just right at the end here how sad that we're going to be celebrating with somebody else yeah we're there same day that we hear about our friends uh so upsetting i know thanks for listening everybody we'll talk to you next week bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the side show network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like reggie wats tat glass buys a slice finger slicing drab and friends with it for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and i still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own own benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com/waitforiccomedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and i love you a few days ago brook two dean posted an 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