Better Than A Bottle of Vodka
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#64: Better Than A Bottle of Vodka
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And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said what the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck. So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of detail. Hey everyone, welcome back to Watch What Crapins. A podcast that's about all the crap on Bravo that we love. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and you can find me on Twitter and Instagram at bsideblog. And joining me as always is Roni Karam. Whoa hello. Hi Roni. You sound like you sound like a haunted soul. I am a haunted soul damn it. His soul has been stolen by Bravo. Roni is @TVgasm on Twitter and he's also from TVGasm.com. So that works out pretty well. He does very funny recaps much more consistently than I do. We don't have Matt here today. That little bastard went off to the desert and is currently watching tennis. He keeps posting photos, courtsite on his Instagram. So feel free to stock him there at life on the M list. It's also his Twitter. He's a very lucky man on a well-deserved vacation watching a lot of balls. So good for him. And by that I mean he's watching Serena Williams. So anyway, Matt, it's about outside. I was actually just watching the tennis channel just now to see if I could see Matt, but I couldn't. So I tried Matt. I tried to stock you as best I could. But you were away Matthew. You were gone. I don't watch tennis. I feel that's just so lesbian. Well Matt did just post a photo of Billie Jean King on his Instagram. So if you like seeing a lesbian go to his Instagram. Subscribe to the China already, Matthew. Meanwhile, all of our listeners have left because we've been speaking so much about tennis or mainly I've been speaking about tennis. We can blame this on Matt too. Yeah, let's talk about Bravo Bow. Yeah, let's talk about Bravo. So today we're gonna talk about all our favorite shows. Including Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Vanderpump Rules, The Reunion Secrets, which I misread as The Reunion Secretes, which kind of works too. That actually makes a lot more sense. It did actually. It secreted all over my living room. Yeah, it was an hour of Pussy Scabs. It was like if one of the witches from Oz came and saw a Pussy Scab and decided to turn it into a human, it would be Stassi. And that Pussy Scab just reunited with other Pussy Scabs. Well, Lisa's best line with Stassi could start a fight with Snow White. Yeah, I love that line. God, we make that show sound so much better than it is. We really do. We really do. I could just imagine Stassi in a fight with Snow White also. So let's talk about the new one. Yeah, well, this isn't really gossip, but we saw on Real Housewives of Atlanta this week, the new show, the new Atlanta spin-off of, "Now, I'm sorry, but I get all the gays confused." Derek J. It's not Lawrence. Okay, it's Derek J, the midget. The midget and heels. The midget and heels. He looks like a bowling ball and heels. Yes, God bless his heart. Yes. So Andy's obsession with audit latte gays has risen. It's gotten more intense and he's given this kid a spin-off. So what is it now? I think it's called Fashion Queens. I don't know what it's about because the commercial was literally like, "Hey, I'm Derek J. I have a new show." And it was like Fashion Queens and that was it. And I was like, "What, huh, huh?" Oh, you know, I thought it was fast, but I didn't want to rewind it because I just, I don't know, I like humanity too much to do that. There was absolutely no indication about what sort of a show it was. Except I imagine there's gonna be a lot of girl. Girl. Girl. That look like a watermelon rolling around in the potatoes. You got to take care of your business, girl. You got to get day shoes up and y'all feet, girl. Girl, get out your purse so you can write a check, check it, check it, girl. Check it, girl. The person's like, "I just have to go on a day." Some fries for that. Girl. Girl, I'll tell you where I put my fries. You ain't, you ain't got no flag, girl. You ain't got no flag. I want special sauce and I'm gonna dip your hat in that special sauce and put on your head and tell you to walk away because I love the way you walk. Girl, work it. Oh, God. I love that you turn into little Asian gay guy from Project Friendly. That's you. In general, all my accents eventually become a little Asian gay guy from Project Friendly. Oh, I don't understand the prompt. I never been to the heart. I know. Oh, yes. Fashion queen is very good. Walk it, girl. Make ancestor prob. I walk it, girl. How about the check in the mail? You get a check from me, check. Yeah, so I couldn't rewind it to find out what it was, but you know, there's nothing like taking fashion advice from a midget fat gay guy and pay less pumps. So I'm excited to see what that's like. Listen, I could use the advice. I'm telling you, I'm gotten so bad. My fashion is so bad. I'm telling you, I need to weave. I need to weave in some high heels. I need to become an Atlanta gay. You know, that I could be ridiculous. My fashion is so pathetic that I don't even buy things at Ross anymore. Like that's too classy for me. I'm like, what? That button's up. What? I'm not wearing that. I'm getting my three for $10 D shirts at the Parérez. Do you ever go to what's it called? Parérez. It's called Parérez, right? What is that? I'm writing it down. P-A-R-E-D. P-A-R-E-D-E-S Parérez. It's like Parérez de Fayas or something like that. Where's that? Poor neighborhoods. And by the way, before people think I'm a real snob, yes, I have shop there. There's one in Los Siemago. There's one going there because my favorite place, the Fashion Bank, has closed. Oh no, that bank went under. I gained and lose weight too quickly to not have somewhere to buy three for $10 shirts. Yeah, you need to definitely go to Fayas de Parérez de Fayas. There's one in Los Felis right next to John's in the same complex. Oh, okay, okay. I love, see, the reason why I like talking about this on the podcast is to underscore the financial disparity between the two of us and every other person that we talk about with the exception of Vanderpump Rules. Yeah, it almost forgives our horrible personalities because it's like, we're poor. It's okay. We're talking about where to get budget T-shirts. Yeah, or as if as Stasi would say, what commoners? What commoners? I'm speaking of fashion, by the way. Did you watch Rachel's Oh, the season premiere? I can't. I can't do that. All right, well, then I'll just talk about it very quickly. Yeah, I know it's not gossip, but it's like it's something that happened in my life, I guess. And then I sat and watched this show. It was just like every other episode in that an entire hour went by and nothing happened. It was just a lot of Rachel being like, I'm like, I'm wearing like three different hats. I'm like, oh my god, I die. I have a baby. Eat your baby. Have a baby. Have a baby seriously. Have a baby. Like literally, my baby is my world. Like Sky, I want to put him in heels. Oh yeah, she dresses her little baby in heels. He's a boy, but she dressed in like a little French girl, which is kind of hilarious to me that she doesn't understand the distinction between a little boy and a pet dog, you know, like a toy dog, you know, like a lobster opsum. Oh my god, you're my precious lobster. Oh my god. So really, really nothing happened. But what was sort of interesting, there was one moment when it was like, it was a little meta and it was a little strange. She was going to a fashion show and she ran into Andy Cohen on the show. And Andy Cohen was with Brad and she hugged Andy Cohen, but she did not say anything to Brad. So it was sort of weird that Andy Cohen was making a guest appearance on his on a show that he produces. And it was also strange that Brad and Rachel didn't say hi. Yeah, Andy is now as desperate for ratings as all of the people that he lords over on these shows, which is kind of funny. Absolutely. Poor, poor little Andy. Have you been watching this watch what happens in South by Southwest? It's South by South. Well, yeah, and you're bad enough when you're not in front of people. Just stop it. Stop trying to make it happen, Andy. Or maybe it is happening. I haven't looked at the ratings and Matt's not here to tell us what they are, but here's my thing. I've decided that when it comes to reality shows in Texas, I'm just going to keep it to Big Rich Texas. That's all I want right now. I don't need Andy Cohen in Texas. And I don't know if you watch Big Rich Atlanta. I wish there was some way to tie that into this show because Big Rich Atlanta is sort of rocking my world these days. Oh, I've heard that's amazing. Okay, I'll watch it now. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Maybe we should. I mean, should we make an exception for it? I mean, it's in the style network. So it's part of the NBCU family. Probably not. We shouldn't. I usually avoid anything on the style network because once you accept anything on the style network, you start having it's like once you lower the bar that much, you can pretty much. You're basically directly at that point. You're basically a bowling ball impulse. Once you start watching the style network and thinking you might actually get some sort of semblance of style from it. Yeah. So floodgates of terrible. Okay. Well, yeah. So Rachel, though, that's basically the big thing. And her new thing this season is to say that's so mage a lot. Which is kind of a pile. I know exactly. Not having that. There. Well, watch what happens. South by Southwest, Brandy Glampel showed up. First of all, she needs to stop with whatever she's doing to her face. It's enough already enough. She doesn't need it at all. She doesn't need it. She looked like the youngest one and she now looks like Adrian stung by a bee. Absolutely. It looks horrible. She's got to stop it. Her boobs look ridiculous. And she looks like she's just gotten out of jiffy lube. Like she's all lubed up. But anyway, she was on Andy Cohen. And I think it was last week Chelsea Handler was on that show. And she was going off on the housewives and how she hates it. And she thinks it's, you know, horrible for women. And she doesn't believe that women should be profiting off their fake boobs and their fake vaginas or what else. You know, I know that Chelsea Handler is, you know, known for being a miserable human being. And I don't necessarily even disagree with what she's saying. But Chelsea Handler is only famous and has her own TV show because of her vagina. She fucked the head of B. That's true. That's kidding. Well, she's got to cover up her tracks. You know, like, I didn't fuck anyone to get to where I am. Yeah, like cover your snail trail. Or I guess maybe in the art, you know, I guess maybe it's true what she's saying because she doesn't have fake boobs or a fake vagina. So it's okay. Like maybe make up for a show. Yeah, you know, that's like, yeah. She doesn't do makeup. Yeah, obviously she looks, she looks horrible. I mean, the message looked absolutely horrible. Yeah, I'm glad she got used out of that vagina before it's in the state it is today. Because that woman did not hold up well. Well, then what is what a brandy sand response? So Brandy went on and Andy was asking her more about Leanne. And he's like, Oh, so Leanne is saying that there's so many lies in your book. And Brandy, of course, is over it at this point. I mean, she's just written a book about it and gone on a press tour about it. Like, I think she's probably pretty over it. Of course, she did that to herself. But she doesn't want to talk about Leanne anymore. So she was like, you know what, I'm sick of talking about her. If you want me to trash somebody, I'll trash Chelsea Handler. She was terrible on your show. It was really awkward to watch. Really awkward. She was just horrible and miserable. And then she starts dissing the housewives. And she got all pissed off at her for dissing the housewives. What exactly did she say? Hold on, let me see. I'm pulling up the article now. Oh, she just said, suck it, Chelsea Handler. And he's like, well, what, you know, do you know her? And she said, yes, I know her. I've made out with her assistant and her brother-in-law and her agent and her, you know, kindergarten teacher. Like, of course, that's the way Brandy like defends herself, like by admitting her sluttiness. She's like, Oh, like, fuck her. Let me tell you something about her. I've met with like every single person that she knows. So she's got the joke. The joke's on her basically. Yeah, it's like six degrees of Brandy's vagina. I know. Her love has been all over this town. Yeah, so that was that. But it was nice to see someone to tell to Chelsea Handler to fuck off. And I wrote an article on TV guys from about it today. And just, you know, was taking a random internet clip of the watch what happens. I was taking a random internet screenshot of the watch what happens clip. And man, Chelsea Handler looks like a raggedy and doll that's been just like beating the mud. I mean, she does not look cute. She, uh, she looks a little worn down. I mean, she definitely, she definitely looks like she is from Texas. And I mean, like old Texas, 1842 Texas, been out in the sun, working the fields, et cetera. Yeah, she looks like a dried chili. You know, though, I like Chelsea Handler and I know a lot of people don't like her. I've always found her to be quite funny. I'm up and down. I don't really watch that much of her. I, I honestly respect anyone who's just that much of a horrible person, like who commits to it. So I don't hate her. I just, I just feel like she's being a hypocrite saying that women shouldn't use their vaginas to get places when she fucked her way to the middle. Like, you shut up, Chelsea. Shut up. Well, bad news. We were just about to have her as a guest on this show, but she just canceled. I'm sure. I'm so sure she'd come on this show. Well, should we start talking about Real House as a Beverly Hills? Was there any gossip we wanted to discuss before we got into it? Oh, supposedly this Penny Landcaster woman turned down Real House as a Beverly Hills, but I don't honestly even know who she is. I just read that at the last time. So basically, the gossip this week is so slow that the news is that things didn't happen. Yeah, there's going to be a new pope, you guys. Oh, really? What time? Well, they're, well, they're picking him, they're voting him now. They all have to get locked in the Sistine Chapel together. Oh, wow. And they just vote, you know, they have these little cards and black smoke comes out when they haven't made a decision and white smoke comes out when they have made a decision and there are four votes a day and they're basically locked in there until something happens. Am I the only one who like sort of imagines this like voting process and being locked in the Vatican being sort of like Camila Grammar's dinner party season one, like everyone's like around the table with giant thrones and there's some crazy bitch named with a fake cigarette like smoking and trying to tell the future like I can tell you when the next pope is going to die. I love that about me. That cardinal will never emotionally satisfy anyone. No. You don't know me. I just get to a fight just like that. When that cardinal dies, I'm going to know where his bones are buried and I don't want any of you calling me to ask me for my help. Know that. I already know every single little boy that that cardinal is going to molest. Know that. So yeah, so I just imagine like candlelight, beautiful artwork and lots of hand jobs. Like finally, we can like we can only have hand jobs once every 30 years. Your hands are so rough. But waiting for this moment, let's just tell everyone we're just voting for a really long time. If you please put a zip lock on your hand so it feels like a five year old's place. You know what's very important for every cardinal to have a hand job. That's what makes a good marriage. You're discussing vemons. Sit down, shut up, and vote for a pope. Who advised you to the Vatican anyway? I am a dumber person for having coming to this world. Mary saw, I want to make an educated vote about the pope. Mary saw, that pope isn't anymore than Mary saw. You know what I said about the Vatican? Tear down. Tear down. I hope everyone likes this book because you know, I would hate for someone to be like, I hate him. I hate the pope. He's not my first choice. I want your father to beat the pope. He likes, he likes frozen yogurt. Hate the pope. We're just going down to Miami. Oh, Miami. It's been a while, you know. Sometimes you gotta do the voices just for the fun of it. So onto the regular shows. You want to start with Bev Hills? All right. Not too much happened this week on Beverly Hills. We picked up at the tail end of Paris where everyone got onto a boat and again, nothing happened. Yolanda gave Brandi a gift like these sort of stripper shoes, which I'm sure also for Brandi because Brandi doesn't have anybody who loves her like so even writes her the emails. So I made her some shoes. I feel bad for her because she doesn't even have a horse. Like who doesn't have a horse by the time they are 39? What is the point of owning lemon trees? If you can't shove the lemons of people's birds, poor brand poor brandy with littered lemons, littered unused lemons all around the tree stone. I feel bad that her, I feel bad that her refrigerator does not have a window. You know, at her age, she should have a window on her refrigerator and she doesn't even have that. I feel so bad. I'm gonna get those some shoes. Yeah, poor brandy. I feel real bad for Brandi. Meanwhile, Kim doesn't have anyone either. She didn't get any shoes, but I guess she did get a furry thing from Maurice, a bag. Well, they offered her a lot of wine and she never took it. So no complaints Kim, no complaints. Turns out I was, turns out I was eating the wrong pill. I thought I was an M&M. How? How about you? I'm taxing after we got back from Mexico. You ain't gonna believe this, but my pills, they were the same shape. They were like a rectangle, but with rounded edges. And they would, that's the same. Those are my water pills. And those are the same shape as those pills that I was taking last year when you threw me into the rehab place. Yeah. And you know what's weird is that my pill, I say, this doesn't taste like the normal pill because it was like liquid and my pill is normally more like a pill. And then I realized, oh, that was wine. I was, I was drinking. It wasn't a pill. One time I wanted a pixie stick and I saw something the same shape and I was trying to suck down a pencil. I felt like a real dumb, dumb. Thank God for context. Contacts have everything. One time there's like this big, like pile of desiccated coconut that was seen that I know I love coconut. And I was like, oh, I smell the coconut. So I put my nose in it and I just like smelled and smelled and smelled and I had smelled up all the coconut and it went into me and I put my contacts. I saw this cocaine. Sorry, Kyle. Stupid. And of course, Kyle's like, well, you guys, it totally makes sense. Oh, yeah. The pills do look the same. They actually, they actually really do look the same. Oh, poor Kim. So Kim has decided that anything that is the same shape as something else she can ingest. Yeah, as long as it's the same shape as something safe, then it's totally fine. The question is, why did she not get rid of the bad pills? Why were they just still hanging around? Were they she using them in her chicken salad for some reason? Hey, wait, it's not what not. You don't have any kids in Africa who would die. They'd be having seizures right now instead of feeling hungry. I get nervous. Oh, Kim, Kim, Kim. And I love Kyle trying to comfort her by. I love you. I just want you to call me. Call me whatever you want. Well, yeah, I was in bed last year and I was like, this is it. I'm going to die. I just knew I saw it coming. Well, I thought so too, Kim. I mean, every time someone calls, I think they're calling, tell me that you're dead. Well, it could happen because I could still. I mean, any second, any second, my contest gets dry a lot. You never know what I'm going to be putting in there. Maybe maybe someone will call you and I'll be dead. I mean, what's going to happen? Big deal. Who cares? Plus, my house is real dangerous. Like, I don't know if you know this by my house. It's right on the edge of the Grand Canyon every day. I'm like, I'm going to fall in Grand Canyon. Kim, you live like in Ventura. It's a curb. Why do you think I got a dresser outside, Kyle? Because it's dangerous in my house. I'm worried for my dresser. I don't want my dresser out there, Kyle. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take a whole bunch of water pills and help you. I'll forget about it all. Oh, poor Kim. Kind of, but I do have to say that I loved her on the sun chair in Paris on the boat, mumbling to herself while her boob hung out, like, have a little chef. I leave. Instead of blasting with her, completely coherent and sober. I'm sorry. I don't want her. I don't want her. Well, I do. I do also like on the boat, when like Kyle and Lisa sit down and Lisa's like, Oh, yeah, this is nice moment of peace and quiet. I was like, you're going to go. Hey, is this a chair or a bed? I don't have my context and I'm going to lay down on it and hope in the back. Hey, why is the Louvre moving down the river? I understand. It's nice. I'm going to put that a chair for me. That's why I can look at Mona Lisa. So I love that she gets the brandy gets these shoes. You're Londa. I'm so sorry for her because she has no one. And we're just like, yeah, me too. So look, this is the bridge. I went on to be romantic and put a lock on the thing to say how much we love each other. This sub tour guide. We'll have her a damn shoes. I know. Well, so anyway, they went back to L.A. And then we had, and there's sort of like a hodgepodge of scenes. We had Yolanda had a photo shoot with a photographer, some gay photographer who had the hairstyle. It was like, I think it was like a munchkin hairstyle. I think it was maybe a tie in for us, the great and powerful because I don't think I normally see that. That's actually a very good call. I was going to say he was like a he was like a fat Perez who was obsessed Perez. Yeah, who is obsessed with the new Hobbit movie because you know, the new Hobbit movie, the hairstyles and that I kind of thought it was. No, I think it's munchkin. It definitely looked munchkin. And if not munchkin, like maybe like a bleached blonde olive oil from Popeye. I don't know what it was. It was just it was cartoony and strange. And as a gay, he should know better unless he's been watching the style network. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. Isn't that the movie olive oil thing and Popeye the movie? Oh, I, well, unfortunately, I'm not totally familiar with the Popeye songbook. Oh my God. But I am familiar with the hairstyles here. Who played was that? What's her face, um, shining? Yeah, Shelly Deval. That's Shelly Deval. Yeah, she should be a real house off at Beverly Hills. I would love that. Except she's probably like in New Mexico doing pottery. Which, by the way, is Kim Richard's next step, by the way, like she's, she's basically one, she's one poncho away from moving off to Albuquerque. Oh, Kim, well, she's going to need to get some money somewhere. She better save up. Now, by the way, I want to say in that photo shoot, Yolanda looked amazing. Did you think that also? You know, if Yolanda's personality wasn't just so fucking terrible, Jesus, she shows up. She's like, Oh, I don't like this. Oh, that dress is boring. But, oh, my husband doesn't like my hair curly. It's like, I know that you think that being a bitch is making you look really powerful, but you're doing a photo shoot at someone's house for the Asia times. What's that up? Either way, I thought she looked super hot and how old is she? She's like 50, right? Or she's pushing 50. She looks fantastic. Um, I don't know how old she is. I really don't know. She has lemon face. I can't tell. It's all those lemons. You'll never know, but I loved her moth-eaten dress and her kind of badge showing out the front of her. I don't know. She's that whole thing was disturbing. I don't want to see that. And then to see her lumpy old husband show up. Yeah, like try and make a boob joke and grab her joke. And did you notice that all the pictures were of her kneeling in front of her husband? I mean, come on. I know. I know. Well, it's very important for wife to kneel before his husband that makes him feel powerful. Oh, yeah, as long as he feels powerful, I will only do this photo shoot if you allow me to cook for my husband first. I brought over a cart of lemons that I picked myself. When I do this photo shoot, I drew David being happy and satisfied with his meal. After dinner, I'm going to go out to a tree and chop it down and make clogs out of it and put them on David's feet. This way, I always know when he's walking and I can hear him and I can make lemons for him. They can be ready for him. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just crazy. It's a crazy day here in LA. Now, I think personally, the real star of the episode and the best part of the entire episode was the return of Dana/Pam. Oh my god, saddest audition of all time. It was no, it was great. This is exactly how a drunk lady should act. Like, you know, angry, slurring, letting a cigarette from a candle, she's like ready to be a cougar. It was fantastic. Like, someone sent her to Manhattan Beach, put her on a bar stool and send them into her. That's probably where her ass has been, is in Manhattan Beach. You're absolutely right. That is like, that is like a hoe at the cheesecake factory bar in Manhattan Beach, totally trying to find someone who owns a condo. So, so the story here is that Dana just got dumped by her, never seen boyfriend and she's taken the breakup pretty hard. So, she's been drinking, drinking and fucking, I guess. But you know what I love about this? She didn't just get dumped. I mean, this happened after the filming of last season. This was a long time ago and they're making it sound like, oh, she just got dumped. She has been on Twitter having a fit, a drunken fit about him, bashing him all over Twitter, sending him like crazy ranting. If you can even do that tweet, I mean, it's like tweet after tweet because you can only fit so many words in a, in a tweet. I mean, that woman, that woman's embarrassing, but I didn't even believe that she was drunk in this. I thought she was like, oh, well, Brandy got a job by being drunk in vulgar. So, I'm going to try and get a job. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I think she seemed kind of drunk to me. And I kind of liked it. And I sort of, I like that she's unapologetically drunk. She's like, yeah, fuck that. I'm drunk. I want to be drunk right now in the middle of the afternoon. That's a bad Brandy impersonation. Ain't gonna work, bitch. You ain't getting a job. The core role is already filled on this. So three times, but you know what I actually loved? I love that Taylor was like, you know, I've been there. I've known what it's like to want to take like a drink or two. So I wanted to say something, but now wasn't the right moment. And I'm just like, okay, so Kim goes to rehab and then Kim decides that she's going to tell Taylor when or when she can't drink. And then our tail is going to tell Dana. It's like a weird version of the ring where the only way to survive is to pass it forward, you know? It's like, it's like, if they don't find another drunkard to, like, impart like stupid advice to, then they're going to shrivel up and die and be found inside a closet, you know? Or it's like the, or it's like the, um, just kidding, dinner. Or it's like the actual modern version of the movie, The Ring, where you see rehab and it affects you so badly that it came your soul and then it crawls out of a toilet and it gets everywhere until everyone's dead. Before you die, you see the toilet ring. Fake, fake sobriety is hilarious, but then seeing it spread is even more hilarious. It's like when you, when you see those things when people go interview people on death row and they're like, oh yeah, I found the Bible. Let me tell you what the Bible says. Like, shut up. You're going to lecture me on the Bible. You'll tell 10 people you're on death row. Shut up. I know, I know. Now, another thing that I also loved about this Dana thing was that when she started talking about how much she hated Brandy and she would have been like, you know, she just doesn't fit in with our group. Like, you know, like, like, our group is like at a certain level and she's just not there. I'm like, uh, don't get a twisted Dana. What group are you talking about? Because last time I checked, you are not in this group whatsoever. Are you talking about the housewives? Are you talking about the sad single poor ladies who are on like, due date without even being Jewish, trying to find Rich Man, you pathetic, pathetic soul. I think she's talking about like her salad spinner and her rice cooker that she likes to call her friends. Like, hey, girls, ladies night and she puts like a little wine glasses by next to him. Let's talk about things. Uh, right. So I'm so sick of it. And my right rice cooker. I just wish I was there so I could be like, so Dana, how's your business thin shot going? Oh, yeah. How's your, how's your son who at two years old can speak fluent top? Things just one of those kids who wants to be like so bad. She's like that Brittany Murphy character in Clueless. She just wants, you know, she's just over energetic. She won't shut up. And look what happened to her. I had in her house of cocaine. I love, I love Dana. Like, she cracks me up because she tries so hard. Like, that's the best part about her. And I would love to see more of her. I mean, Marissa's Anna, because okay, she doesn't really do anything. I think Dana, she tries so damn hard. I want more of her. Sad Dana. Sad. Speaking of kissing ass, by the way was amazing to see her. And that was the only entertaining part of the show. So I agree. But speaking of kissing ass, later on at the store opening cost opening. So Taylor and Yolanda spoke to clear the air because there's this whole thing that like David was married to Linda and Linda Taylor's best friend for some of the years and so Taylor. Okay, let's do the scene. Who do you want to be Yolanda or Taylor? I guess I'll be, I'll be Taylor. Okay. All right. So I just, I want to talk to you about David and I wanted. Oh, okay. So we could go to Starbucks then. So then talk about it. Well, first you have to let you have to. Well, I'm not paying for premium coffee. So I'll take you to Starbucks because I have a gift card there that the maid gave me one time. Well, that's the thing David always took Linda to Starbucks. This is the Starbucks. Why are you talking to me in here? This isn't the Starbucks. I don't see a bar. Well, you're gonna have to stop talking for me to answer that question about why, why I'm talking. Okay, why don't you talk now? Okay, so what I want to say. Go ahead and say something. Okay, so what I want to say is that David, the way David treated Linda. That's my husband. Okay, he is a good husband. I love him. You know, if I worked in, if I worked in Starbucks, I would have an apron that said, hi, I'm Yolanda. I serve David. Okay, but you know what though? It turns out he's a good man. It turns out he's a good man. I thought every cop, if I work in Starbucks, the name is David because I only serve David. He's a good man though. That's right. You didn't have to tell me I knew he was a good man. I'm glad we had this talk because you realized that David is wonderful, like I told you. Okay, now here's the thing. So what was about, that basically was the conversation, but what was funny was that Taylor, it was like, it turns out when I went, like he was so warm, he was so warm, and he really is a great guy, and I realized I've just been precious all this time. And in my mind, I'm thinking, you are such an ass-kisser. That's like your best friends, ex, and all of a sudden you're now going to go on public TV, and make your friends seem like she was the crazy one? No, no, no. That's obnoxious. She's just messing up because she sees where the money is. Second of all, wasn't Taylor, didn't, wasn't that the party? Because she said she realized that he was my, so Mohammed's house, right? Yeah. When some Mohammed's. So wasn't that when David was like, oh, hello, and you are? And she was like, oh God, like you don't even know my name. So didn't he like not even remember who she was at all and have room for me? Well, that is actually the highest compliment you can pay to the other. Oh my God, he doesn't remember me. Oh my God, I love him. I can tell him my name is whatever I want. He thinks I'm worthless. Oh my God, I love him. Yeah, it was an ass-kisser. But, you know, her friend might have also been the one who put the kibosh on that and said, listen, he is still giving me a shitload of money. I don't want you talking about him badly on TV. That's true too. I don't want my alimony going away. But I love that Yolanda, you know, she says that she's this old-fashioned girl from a farm and, you know, she's so traditional. But then the way she looks at things is, oh, he is so nice to all of his ex-vives. Yeah. You know, every one of us gets the money. It's like, that's what you consider to be a good person is to have like five ex-wives. Come on. And by the way, she's so traditional that she still has Mohammed's last name and her last name, by the way, just to remind everyone who else she's been married to, very traditional, very traditional. Yeah, she's got to keep whatever last name is going to pay out in the end because David properly made her sign a prenup. Yeah. It seems like it because why the hell else would she be running around like a damn waitress? Yeah, I mean, otherwise, if she would be buying three four horses by now, not to the one I'm kidding. I can't afford a horse. I can't afford a horse. It's too expensive for me. I'm just going to go back to my mall to beachfront property and eat lemons. Here are some shoes, Brandy. I hope that you named them could have been a second horse for your land. So yeah, that was a pretty awesome fight. And I love that Yolanda is finally being seaworthy and aligning with Brandy. I think that that's really fun. And I hope that I can't believe that I'm saying this because I've not been a Yolanda fan this season. But I'm hoping that it gives her a second season because I do, you know, I've said it a million times on the show. I do believe that it takes two seasons for your bitch bloom to flourish. I agree. I absolutely agree. Or your bitch bud to bloom, I guess. Well, it's great because that's one fame ruins you and you become awful. Yes. Yes. You have to see yourself on TV for a year and get into Twitter wars with strange people from trailer parks and then you bloom like a beautiful bitter flower. Exactly. I can't even imagine what it would do to me. I'd be a monster. You probably would be a monster. You wouldn't even know what to do with yourself because you'd see famous people everywhere. Your head explode. I would be so bad. If people think I'm a name dropper now, wait till you get me on TV. How was your day? Oh my god. I saw it. Julie Robert Center Bullock. We just fell then. Passay Jack. Alex Trebek. I'm now just with game show host. Those are only famous people I can think of, right? Bob you Banks. Chuck Willery. I was at the game show network. You guys, I'm just very important like that. I saw a picture of Robert. What's his face? To Mark to Markin. Peter to Markin. I'm done. My game show of knowledge is done. I went through everything my mom watches already. The point is this. I probably would be pretty bad if I got famous. I can't even imagine what Matt would be like to be honest. I know he's listening. And he would admit it too. He would admit it too. I can only imagine what Matt would be like if he was famous on a real housewives show. I would be so embarrassed. I would hate myself even more if I got famous on a housewife show. I think it would only really count if I finally got off my ass one day and did something important. But I think if I was just on a reality show, I would be a sane. That would be a shame for people. Mike, I want to, I want to sir this weekend with a friend. Oh, sorry. We have to start talking about this because then we'll start going from this to to Vanderpoo. Vanderpoo. Yeah. Tell us everything. I've been there before, but my friend had a guy. I can't talk today. I'm sorry. A friend of mine has become friends with some of those waiters or whatever. So I was shocked that they actually do work at sir. They all actually work there. Yeah. I couldn't believe that. They're all midgets. She knows nice. She's really, really short. Her eyelashes are just as big and fake as they are on TV and she does have eyelash glue that's glaring. And she, I don't even know what they were talking about. I really don't have any great news to report except that that would be horrifying to me. It's like you're on TV, but you're still a waiter. Yeah. I don't like it. And the people are like, "Oh hey, put down your train. Let's take a picture." Oh, that's really annoying. That means you must get terrible service. Well, Tom was actually working. He was shaking up those drinks because that place is really tiny. It's like a little bar. Yeah. And then in the back, there's kind of that patio section that you see on TV. And then there's another room as big as the bar, which is, you know, any tiny. So really, I think the people who have to work the hardest are the bartenders because everybody packs into that bar. And the people who go there are such bottom feeders, you know. Oh, yeah. Like their big push-up, you know, the little push-up bras are all like 22 years old, like looking around and see if maybe they can make friends with Tom and get his phone number like, "Bibs, no, you're not going to become friends with Tom and get his phone number. Stop it." Well, they all, yeah, they all think this, it's going to, it's like a scene. It's a place to go to. And no one actually goes to serve. No one who matters if I were going to speak like Kristen goes to serve, but it's true. What commoners? What commoners? Was the food good at least? I just drank. Were you at the lounge or were you at the restaurant? We were at the lounge. Okay, I don't know if I've been, I think I walked into the lounge for like a second. Yeah, I ate food there. I ate the food there last time. It was really good. It's very fresh and clean. It's not anything crazy. You know, it was like a flay on a cracker. But good, you know. So meanwhile, why don't we go move on to the Vanderpump Rules reunion secrets? And let's talk about that food for one second because so it was pretty much like a lost footage-esque show. And one of the lost footage things that we saw was Lisa be like, "You know, I thought it'd be very important for you all to taste the specials because it's important for the for the servers to know what my English accent is terrible today, by the way. I'm stopping it right now." But she was like, "Everyone try the specials because you have to know what you're serving." And they're acting as if this was like a like some novel idea that she had that they do once in a while. It's like every restaurant, isn't it supposed to be every restaurant? All the servers try the specials every single day, every single service lunch. Yeah, that's pretty much how it works. It's not, it shouldn't be like a all right, well, it's that time of the week. Let's try some specials. And then they try it and it's like a whole hokey thing. I mean, I honestly, I love Lisa Vanderpump, but this entire show and especially this reunion leftovers thing made me really question her management skills, you know? Well, I don't think she actually manages anything. I think that she's just there as a character to yell at everybody and be mean to them and then leave. But then, but then when someone asks a question that said it was like Lisa, like you see the behavior of these people, you see like Jax has sex in the bathroom or whatever or the way Stasi is like, "Why don't you just fire them?" And she's like, "Well, you only see the good side." But the truth is she's a great server. I mean, like she acts as if like, you know, it's like one of those movies where it's like Jeff Goldblum has to come in to save the world from the aliens like, "Ugh, he's so annoying, but he's the only one who can do it. He's the best there is." It's like, "No, she's a server. She is so highly replaceable. Like, I guarantee there are 50 to 100 other girls in the city who could deliver oversized tuna tar tar to a table." You know, kidding. And I love that she says, "Oh, she's such a wonderful server." Right after the clip of Stasi not even being able to say what a special is. It's like, "Ah, he tuna," or something, like, so easy. So I took them. But also, Lisa can't just answer, "Well, because Dully, you know, I mean, it's a reality TV show and good way to see really boring, horrible people who are never getting anywhere in life." All right. Do you want to watch a TV show about them? No, you want to watch some TV show about holes doing it in the bathroom and giving each other herpes, getting each other pregnant? Yeah. Fucking each other over. Yeah, Dobby. Dobby. Yeah, that is the true answer. So I took a bunch of notes. So the first thing that we saw on this was a flashback to some god-awful beach blanket bingo thing going on where Stasi had a beach party and she invited Kristin to make amends with Kristin, because this is when she in Horseface were having a fight still. And Horseface had the audacity to mention Lorelie's name or be like, "Oh, yeah, I don't think Lorelie's that bad." And Stasi lost her shit. And I think I just, my favorite part of when she lost her shit, she was, like, screaming and crying. She goes, "This is my party that I literally invited you to." I was supposed to, like, she figuratively invited her to, like, she's like, "I literally invited you." I literally invited you. And I loved it. They, seeing how many literally the editors cut out this year of Stasi, because every clip they showed her in, she's like, "Literally, she just said that to me." Like, we literally just broke up and you're literally, like, doing that with some girl that, like, literally everybody hated until I told them not to hate her and she literally, like, literally screwed me literally, like, not under, but literally, like, over. It's gonna be my literally person. The next invite that I send out is going to be like, "I literally just sent you an invite, so you literally have to respond below, otherwise I'm literally going to kick you off the invite." Who even has a VCR anymore? Or a film projector? LegacyBox allows you to revisit those memories without those antiquated machines as easy as one, two, three. Send in your LegacyBox filled with old VHS tapes, camcorder tapes, and pictures. Their team professionally digitizes everything by hand, right here in the USA. You'll get it back on a thumb drive or the cloud along with your originals. It's so simple, it's like magic. For a limited time, get started preserving your past and, say, 50%. Go to LegacyBox.com/wondry to revisit and share special memories from your past. That's LegacyBox.com/wondry. You can live out your MasterChef dreams when you find a professional on Anji to tackle your dream kitchen remodel. Connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done well. Inside to outside, repairs to renovations. Get started on the Anji app or visit Anji.com today. You can do this when you Anji that. That's really quiet after that, huh? Our, Ronnie and I, our connection just fell out. It literally just drops. Literally just fell out. And the thing is this, I was, I told this whole elaborate E-Vite joke and I was like literally, literally, literally, and then it was just like silence. I was like, oh, I guess it wasn't that funny of a joke. And then it was like, more silence. I was like, it's really not funny. Why? Ronnie is not even giving me like a fake laugh to be like, okay, Ben, you know, you went there. I thought you were committing to the E-Vite joke, but I'm literally, I'm literally writing a resignation letter every hair. Okay, so moving on. I want to know the E-Vite joke. Well, I guess you can keep it in. And then if I listen to the podcast, I'll hear it, which I won't. I'm going to keep it in so everyone can hear the awkwardness of how that dead air that followed it. Okay, because I, the thing is this, it was like sort of a long joke. So I really, it was one of those things where like, to go on, like a semi long joke and then get nothing afterwards. I literally, I wanted to throw myself into the sand and never see horse faces face. Oh, poor horse face. So I also liked that Tom. Not only does he spend hours on his stupid hair and put little strange, like Mayan indents into them, but he also has lifts in his shoes. Well, I'm glad to see that one tradition that Bert Reynolds brought us is staying alive in the 2010s. Like, I didn't even, where does one even get lifts? I didn't know, I didn't even know that that was a thing that people did anymore or that you could do. It doesn't even occur to me. The only person that I know that does that is Tom Cruise. I mean, I don't know him, but they say that he does that. That's probably why Tom Sandoval probably has such high hair as he's trying to create some length, create some height. So anyway, then my next favorite scene, why it's not really the next favorite, just the next scene that happened and it also happened to be one of my favorites, was back to that sampling of the specials and they're all trying the food, whatever. And Stasi's like, hamming it up and everyone's laughing at her. They think she's so funny. And then Jax. Jax says to her, wow, looks like you had awesome sex last night. Oh my God. Which to me is like, first of all, who says that? And who says that in front of your boss? And especially if it was like, I just gets least less and less attractive every time he opens this mat, that's impossible. He just gets dumber and dumber and so inappropriate. And of course, Stasi's embarrassed, she leaves crying. And it's actually one of the few times where I felt like I understood her, her hissy fit, you know. You did. Oh, come on. You're watching this so too much. You're totally getting it. No, I mean, look, if you're a girl that, honestly, I will say this, if you're a girl and you're in a workplace and someone else says to you, it looks like you had awesome sex last night, that's actually that's like borderline sexual harassment, quite frankly. Yeah, unless your job is running around in a skirt that's so short, your dick would be hanging out of it if she was asking and using your using your boobs to make money because you can't wait tables and then telling everyone that your boyfriend has been fucking a whore and got her pregnant. And then you're cheating on your boyfriend with some random bartender and fucking two guys at the same time. And I mean, come on, please sexual harassment has no place and in random program. That's true. I really should stop looking at these instances as if they're in a vacuum because I mean, there is a vacuum. Yeah, this is a challenging world. It's not like it's in an office or something like that. It's like, you can't there's no sexual harassment officer in a whorehouse. Okay. And by the way, don't get me wrong, I definitely was laughing as Dassie as she was crying. But I was laughing even more at Jacks being like, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Like he's such an asshole. He's such a typical douchebag to say something like that, thinking he's being hilarious. And then he's like, all right, sorry, my bad, my bad, I'm sorry. It's like it's not even he can't even take responsibility for it, but he knows the right thing to say. He's just a total idiot. Well, the real reason that she was upset anyways, because he just said that in front of everybody once she's been banging Frank at the same time. Absolutely. She knows that she's not supposed to be doing that. She just got caught. Yep. So further evidence that Jacks is an idiot is later on. He was his friend, Tom Schwartz, was making him some burgers. And Jacks is like, I don't know, he's talking about how he misses Dassie or whatever he misses her. And Tom like doesn't know what to say. So he's like, well, it is what it is. Because he doesn't, he literally does not know what to say. And he probably doesn't even care. And Jacks is like, he always says he's great one on one liners. Like it is what it is, or that's the way the cookie crumbles. Like listen, Jacks, Tom did not make those up. They're not great one liners. Those are, if you look up the definition for cliche, that's what that is. And I'm not even being sarcastic. Like the definition of cliche is, that's the way the cookie crumbles. But I love the continuation of that when he's like, you know, you could lose your arm. And he'd be like, everyone's got to go sometime, which doesn't make any sense, first of all. And then when Tom says something else like, oh, you know, well, that's the way it is. Jacks is like, what is that? One of your two liners? But then I love how when Jacks is explaining just how much he loves Dassie, he's like, you know, normally I'd be out hammering girls, like really just like, I, you know, I have sex dude, everything that moves. Yeah. So he just want to hammer them. But then, but then he goes, this is a quote from he goes, that's how I know I love her. If I didn't love her, I wouldn't have cared about why he didn't hammer a girl from Orange County. So that's the standard. He's like, I wanted to. I was about to hook up for this girl from Orange County. And she's like, well, since I live in Orange County, can I just spend the night? And he's like, no. So I'm going through a bad breakup. Well, then can we stay in a hotel? Okay. Sure. But then on the way the hotel is like, no, I don't think so. And that shows that I care. That shows how much I care for that. I fuck her in the car and left her at the bus stop. You're so romantic. I nominally put the brakes on this hookup with a girl from the OC. That's how much I care about her. It's called having standards, Jacks. You might want to look into it. Meanwhile, it was Tamara and the trunk. And then also, then, then a little bit later on, Andy Cohen started pressuring Jacks about wearing a condom, how Jacks doesn't wear a condom. And it's now documented in several different instances when he's not wearing a condom. And he's like, well, and sort of like giggling. And he's like, okay, I know, I know, I shouldn't. And they're like, yeah, I mean, they're like, you know, Jacks, you got a girl pregnant in Vegas. He's like, well, although she wasn't actually pregnant. As if like, oh, wait, no, no, no, never mind. You can be unprotected because she wasn't pregnant, so there were no consequences. And not only that, it's a fucking lie. He's already kind of admitted all this stuff. So to say now, like, months later, oh, well, she wasn't pregnant. That was just, that was the part that was a lie on her part. Yeah, like, really shut up. Like, he can't even stop lying. And then I love that Stacey doesn't even care about the condom thing at all. Well, who cares then you still slept with somebody else? Yeah. Yeah, he slept with a porn star without a condom. Yeah. And fucked you. And then slept with that crazy method without a condom and fucked you. You were just as kinky as him. Yeah, you took on his, you took on his herpes. Gross. That guy with his eye, his eyebrow makeup, I just can't, I can't take it before. It just needs to say needs to go away for a long, long time. Oh, I did find out at Sir that they got a season two and they're announcing it at some TV conference coming up. Oh, okay. So you guys have that to look. Yeah, we're announcing it first. Sir got season two. Yeah, it's official. I found out from a bus boy. It's a fish. Was it the hot bus boy? You know, you know, the one I like. I don't think there is an ugly bus boy there. Actually, there was someone who looked like there were 13 there. I'm not sure about Lisa's hiring practices, but they were all very cute. So anyway, then we had a sequence of Stacey, like it was like a Stacey super sequence, where she, we sort of got the best of her awfulness. And so we see her, she's like, I get off when I come to work and I look so good. Everyone says how hot I am. You wouldn't believe how many people think I'm good looking. All I have to do, though, is just go to the amazing race, family edition, and remind me that I can see Stacey's origins. And no matter how hot she thinks she is, I know I can just bring that photo into Sir and ruin her. Ruin her or cry, make her cry. And then she goes, I say what's exactly on my mind. And I'm like, well, if you say exactly what's on your mind, you only have the worst things on your mind. Yeah, you're horrible. You have the worst thoughts, intentions, and impressions on your mind. Yeah, that girl, that girl's horrible. What about that part in the beach, where she's having a beach birthday party? Yeah, that's, that's where she said that's the party that I literally invited you to this party. And everyone's surrounding her. It's okay, Stacey. And she's telling off this poor girl, and cursing her out, and then saying, you're so classless, like, you just said every class, really class, have some, get some, do it with class, get it. I went to a girl's school in New Orleans. That's so horrible. I love, I love the part where Andy asked Lisa, hey, you know, Lisa, I'm sure that a lot of people tweeted you to get rid of Stacey. And she's like, well, she, she's a good waitress, and you know, the other girls are kind of good too. I mean, Kristen, though, I don't know about her. Yeah, she hasn't, she hasn't been promoted in five years. She's so horrible. I love that. And Horseman's like, oh, I don't want to be manager anyway. That's not the point which you want. The point is just still in the same place after five years. Damn. Kristen's like, uh, I don't get it. Man, I hope this changes Lisa for this reunion of Beverly Hills because she is going to take any, how she is. But mostly there are, there are two other things that I really enjoyed about this was Horseface at the end of the show. They're sort of having this like sentimental moment where all the waitresses are like dry, like in a car, their butts hang off, like about to die if someone has to stop short, they're going to get flung from that car. It was like driving me nuts. But then Horseface is like, the friendships we build are phenomenal. I'm like, did you not just see the past hour? Do you remember that beach party you went to? Do you remember that? Do you not see that at all, Kristen? Am I, am I crazy? I also love they, they showed a scene where Jack's like apologizing to Stassi, like they're in like the bedroom. This is like what Jack's that was like the most romantic thing also. And he's like saying all these things like, you know, I was a bad boyfriend, but now I realize like, I know what I have to do. I want to be a better man. And so I was like, he's so good with words, he's so good with words. And he goes after five minutes of, you know, well, I like, I see it because you're like, I mean, I was like bad and you were good. And I was like, kind of wrong. I mean, look, I know, I know, because you were right. And I was wrong. And then like the good of the, you know, there's good and things and there's bad. And then he goes, and then he goes with words. You're better than a bottle of vodka. Great with words. That man. Why is he not working for the New Yorker? Why? Why? Especially when he's trying to be so poetic. And in the mirror, you see the boom hanging right in his face. Like, this is such bullshit. I know. They're also stupid. The New Yorker. I would love to see a column of his in the New Yorker. Soars, I have known. Soar loser. These poor people, I'm so glad to be done with them and be back to middle aged people to hate until next year. Absolutely. So did you watch Atlanta? I certainly did. So Atlanta, so there's the episode started off, they were still in Los Angeles on their girls trip, and they were going to go to Vegas. And the girls were all going to go in a party bus, and Nini was going to fly. And this was what cracked me up. And Nini's like, I'll be flying in first class. I'm like, bitch, you're flying to Vegas. You're going to be in Southwest. You know, like, enjoy, enjoy your tomato juice for the 45 minutes. I think it's so funny that Nini thinks she's you heftner now. I know. She cracks me up with her. You're you're a supporting player on a sitcom that's going to not have more than one year. Get over yourself. I mean, Atlanta has four times the viewers that your shitty sitcom does. So get over yourself. Also, I recorded that bullshit show, and I could not even watch the first 10 minutes of it. It was bad. I can't. This show Atlanta is funnier than that show for sure. Yeah, it is. And it's better written. Yeah. Well, and there are the lines that come out of it are just amazing. I mean, I first of all, everything that came out of the bus ride, the bus ride was great. Because I think we've all been there where we've gone on what should be a simple drive to Vegas and just never seems to end. Because it's traffic. And these poor women, like, I, I started to imagine what it must have been like to be in that party bus for like eight hours plus just trying to get to Vegas. But I was cracking up on when features like, what are we going to do tonight? And Kenny goes, gamble. She didn't say gamble. She's like, gamble, gamble, gamble, gamble. I'm gonna win someone for Raleigh. See what I want to do. Why not get a Vegas? I want her gamble. I want a gamble with Raleigh. And then of course, the best moment though is when Candy was explaining the moment when she had to fart while she was climaxing through orgasm. And she goes, boom, when your body tenses up, you can push that apart like, bah, bah, bah. I rewatched that scene like five times. Oh, you're gonna love Candy Coded Nights when that comes on. Did you notice that Faedra also had all sorts of armpit hair going on? No. There's one scene where Faedra like laughs. She's like, oh, girl. And she like, put her hands up and like, boom, she needs to shave on the dire. Oh, no. Is she just missing a couple of days or is she like French? It's somewhere in business. It looks like she's missed. It's more than stubble, less than French, but enough that it's noticeable in bad lighting on a bus. Oh, no, Apollo's cheating. Yeah, that's what that's gonna mean. Maybe it's one of her old wives tales. Like, maybe it's a remedy for something much like how she has her tried and true pregnancy test, which is that if you feed a rabbit and you're urine and if he dies, you pregnant girl. No, not a few feet. Well, yeah, I guess it did turn into feet it. But he was like, yeah, we need to make her pee on a rabbit. I love these country remedies. And I love that everybody's staring at her. And then she changed it to, well, no, you give a rabbit pee to a pregnant woman, pee to a rabbit. And if it dies, that means she's pregnant. And no, and Kenny is like, why would you kill a rabbit? We do not need to kill a rabbit. That is ridiculous. They're like, she's kidding. All you have to do is pee on some grass. And if it catches on fire, you know, you've had slept with jacks. Well, the rabbit test is a legitimate thing. I think you have to inject it into the rabbit, but that's an actual thing. So I love that nobody had nobody knew that at all. And I love that Kenya's argument was, we could go to the dollar store and get a pregnancy test. Why would you kill a rabbit? Like, I love that your first thought is going to the dollar store for a pregnancy test. I don't ask. I was like, what's it a cheap pregnancy test that you've been using? Like kidding. You don't buy pregnancy tests at the dollar store. You don't buy light bulbs, condoms. She's like, if you, yes, what you have to do is pee on the Mexican candy. And if it melts, then you know, you might be late. You need to go pee in a public restroom. And if the baby comes out, it means you've been pregnant this whole time and didn't even know. That is wrong, Kenny. That's not how I found out about Raleigh. Raleigh didn't come out that way. You know what I said about Raleigh? You know, Raleigh came out at prom in the middle of the dance flower. And I was like, oh, Raleigh, you got to stay, bring it up. That's still my favorite part of the opening credits. Oh, that was funny too. She asked the sex party and she's trying to give everybody sex stories. Girl, you carrying balls around in there. But hi, I'm nearly nice to meet you. I got balls up in me. That was amazing. And then I, so then the one of the big things that happened in the episode was that Portia didn't want to go to the crazy horse strip club with everyone else because she was like, she basically said that her, her husband wouldn't let her. But then she also said that she's active in ministries and she felt it wouldn't look good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, she runs a charity that helps women in need, you know, women in danger, women, whatever. I mean, I don't know, I guess it's not an abuse charity or anything like that. But I can see that. Yeah, I think there's nothing wrong. Outstanding family. Now, the fact that she's saying it while she's wearing a mini skirt and a bustier with the tit hanging out is a different thing. But I think it's fine. If she didn't want to go to a strip club, I think it's fine. She wasn't making everyone not go. She just was, she was very nice about it. And then it became like, what I love is it became like a summit on feminism in the party bus as they go to the crazy horse, whatever. And to me, it just was like the most ridiculous thing of all time. Like, she doesn't want to go. She doesn't have to go. Yeah, yeah. And I love that Nini is like the voice of reason about a good marriage. Like seriously, Nini, you married some rich guy, you met in a strip club, whatever your bullshit story may be. And I love that she changes the story like, oh, he didn't even know I was a stripper. It was a total shock. Nini, come on now. First he thought you were a whore, he was surprised that you had a real job too. Come on now. And I love that she was like imparting wisdom to like the sum like, you know, cracked out white stripper girl, like in the booth as if like Nini is like the grand poo bar. Like if you work hard, you can wind up like me and wind up on an NBC stick. I'm like, no, don't usually work out that way. I'm sorry. You're the exception to the rule. This girl is going to wind up 60 pounds overweight someday in a trailer outside of Azusa. Yeah, I did like what she said about marriage. And then, you know, your partner should be accepting of who you want to be. And if you want to what she say, if you want to fly to the moon, then your partner, he don't have to agree with you. But he should say, he should stand there and watch you fly to the damn moon or whatever she said. I liked that. And I agree with it. But you know, that's pretty one sided because Greg doesn't get to fly to the moon. He gets to, he gets to like make sure you have everything you need in your spaceship while you fly to the moon. Like, listen, I think his dream is, I think his dream is to have a house roof over his head and a little bit of spare change. And so for him, that is flying to the moon. So he's got, he's got it right now, right? And same for Portia. She's living her dream. She's got a big giant house. She's married to a celebrity. She's rich as hell. Yeah. The root was our husband's gay. So she probably doesn't even have to fuck him with her crude ass. Yeah, exactly. Sounds good to me. You know, it's like Kenya said, she gets to sit around, watch TV all day and, you know, do nothing. And so she won. And Kenya saying it all smart asked. But you know, Kenya, we've seen your dream and your dream is terrible. Okay, your dream has no talent. Yeah, if in case you haven't, if anyone hasn't seen Kenya's music video for Gone With The Wind Fabulous, you can attempt to watch it by any number of the links that are on our Facebook page, Facebook dot com, Watch For Crapins, which we forgot to plug at the top of the show. But it's, it's awful. I actually couldn't get through it. I watched the opening. There's like a vignette with her with with her in Shangela, Shangela is supposed to be Portia, and Shangela like falls into a pool as as Kenya swirls around like like the she apparently creates an air current with her swirling that sends Shangela into a pool. And then the video starts and it's just it's so awful. I could not I couldn't go through it all. It was terrible. Maybe we should write a recap of that. Yeah, we should. Sounds like it needs to be. You know, I think, I think honestly that video we talked about the ring before that video is the ring. Like I watched any more of it. Kenya was going to crawl out of the TV and kill me. Yeah, Kenya is pretty pathetic. We've also got her one of her entire movies that she produced and starred in on our on our Facebook page. And it's disturbing. It's a disturbing film. It's terrible. It's it's really, really, really bad. So to see Kenya bragging about what a good actress she is and what a self made woman she is, it's like, bitch, please. Yeah, exactly. It's also like Nini, you know, getting back to what I'm talking about how Nini acts like she's Hugh Heffner. Like they went to the Jubilee stage show, the showgirl show, whatever in Vegas. And they went like backstage and he's like, Hey backstage actress. This is what happens when you're a Hollywood actress. You get backstage access. I'm like, first of all, you're at the Jubilee show or let me know or wherever it is. Congratulations. Here's circus circus. Yeah, it's like not a big deal. Second of all, it was nothing that you did as bravo did this for you. No, you did not call them up. It's like a third of all, we could call up right now and be like, Hey, it's Ben and Ronnie from the Watch what Crapin's podcast. Can we get a backstage tour and put on the podcast? I'd be like, sure, try on this soul. We've got a flip cam when you let us in. Yes. So my god, try out the jewel hat. Yeah, exactly. The coin hat or whatever. Yeah. No, exactly. So I'm I'm like, Oh, well, look what I got for these girls because I'm a Hollywood actress. So I got them a party bus. You're asked to not pay for a party bus. You would barely pay for a used Toyota for your son. You know, she's you know, she's probably like, you know, now that I'm a Hollywood actress, I can get them anything they want. I can get them all the food they want. In fact, I set up a lunch where they can eat as much food as they want. All that to do is spend $20. That's right. $20 and they can eat anything they want for how long they want special access. I'm a VIP Hollywood access. So we only got 20 people in front of us in line for this buffet. Yeah. No one else gets to have a buffet, but how would actresses do? Yeah, and NeNe NeNe. It's fun watching NeNe's head get bigger and bigger and bigger because when the sitcom gets canceled, I'm going to laugh my ass off just seeing how she's going to act next year. Yeah, I will say, though, that is one smart home because she kept her job. She could have quit. She got a sitcom and she kept it and she was right to. She was right. And you know, I mean, she still cracks me up. She's been more pleasant this year than than the past season. Yeah, she's still as love herself as she was, but she's much fun. She's much more fun about it. It's like someone who liked her told her, you know what, you're coming off as just a vile person. So at least be the fun NeNe while you're being a horrible person. Yeah, please. I wish NeNe would grow her hair long again. We're not grow, but like get a long weave again because I liked her with long hair. I never liked her short hair. I'm just putting that out there. I'm just putting that out there. While we're putting our wishes out, I want Shiree back. Yeah, I'm a Shiree. I'm a Shiree real bad. She's been NeNe blocked from the show. I know. It's a shame. Shame by Shiree. Now that's something I could get behind there. Shame by Shiree. Yeah, there could be like the fake sobriety center for all the housewives to go to and pretend to get sober. Just be shameful. How do you have a fashion show with no fashions? Just have Shiree shame them all and tell them what big fake toilet teeth they have. Yeah, exactly. So what else happened on this show? I think that's it. Oh, well, at the sex party, they found sex questions for each other. It was going to be so funny. Can your question was, what if one of your friends that you thought really liked you betrayed you and then hurt your feelings in public? And then they got into a fight, which is like one of these annoying fights that's very typical of bravo being like, well, you, you, I hurt you, but you hurt me too. I want you to know that you hurt me too. Yeah, but I, but you hurt me. No, but you hurt me. And if I'm going to apologize to you, I want you to apologize to me. Well, I'm not going to apologize to you unless you apologize to me. Well, you hurt me too. All right. Well, you have me. And you're like, watch this for like 10 minutes. Cynthia Bailey's giant wig is going to deflate in the time that this gets resolved. Well, that was over for the week. When does this one end? How many episodes are we into now? It can't be much further because, you know, OC starts up on April 1st, which is Monday, which means that Beverly Hills has to be wrapping up. Well, I guess I would think Beverly Hills will be wrapping up soon, but that's the reunions. I don't know. I don't understand. Beverly Hills just had episode 17. And I think they're going to 20 or 21. And then plus they're going to have, you know, they're going to have three reunions. Plus on top of that, they have to, Beverly Hills starts to have to broach the Paul and Adrian divorcing thing, which it looks like it's about to start to happen. Thank God. Yeah. It looks like that's coming next week, finally. So we probably have maybe they'll do like OC and Beverly Hills on the same night. I don't know. I'm guessing we have four more episodes of each, probably, because they started the same week. Oh, they did? Yeah. They're the same week. They premiered the same week in November. Well, they haven't announced what the other housewife show that's coming is. Are they using that married to medicine or whatever the hell that is? I think marriage medicine is going to try to be like an Atlanta replacement. Oh, no. They're like, well, it's black people. Yeah. Well, any show with black people? That's pretty much what it is. That's pretty much what it is. And then, you know, then we have our own county. And then we'll, and then I imagine New York and New Jersey will come back at the same time. I think Jersey will be back first because there's been all sorts of gossip stuff about shooting, like what's her buns, the stripper, the prostitution whores back on. Yeah. She's been shooting with them. And so there's going to be a lot of fun. Daniel, Daniel, stop made an appearance on the first episode of celebrity apprentice. I didn't watch the second episode yet, but she, she popped up for a second. They said she donated like $5,000. Where the hell did she get $5,000? Was Matt bitch like stripping it? What's that play score? I think it was Monopoly money. I think that's what it was covered in juice. It was all in ones and covered in juice. No thing. Meanwhile, she's giving $5,000 while her poor little girl sitting there with a guitar singing like, my sister's the best in like a crumbling shed. She's sleeping on the mattress on the floor that Sarah said. I know they're roomed in together. Now, that's a sitcom I would watch. Shirei and Daniel having to move in together. Oh my God. All the rejected housewives in one house battling it out for a spot on a new show. Oh my God. I just came up with it. You guys, I'm rich. All the housewives who get fired from the show battling for a spot on a new or as the new housewife on one of these shows. Oh, I like that. I like it too. It's like last chance kitchen. Last chance living room. Last chance bitches. Yeah, last chance bitches. Oh, I would totally be down to watch that. I totally see that. So we're done here. Yeah, we're done. Yeah, I got nothing left to say. We're just. I have nothing done. I'm done. We're done here. We're done here. Common. We're literally done. We're literally like finished and done. And I invited you to this beach, my beach. Is this my beach? And if you're going to mention that girl's name, that's like so disrespectful. Like, Ronnie, have some class. Like, have some class. Like seriously, class. Literally. Look into it. Literally class. Like, do you know what it is? Like literally look it up in the literal dictionary. Look it. Don't look it up in a figurative or symbolic dictionary. Look it up in a literal dictionary. And you're going to see that class literally means saucy. Oh, guys. You know who loves you? We do. We do. Love you so much. You can find me at TV Gasm. You can find Ben at beside blog. You can find us on Facebook. No, screw him. He's not here. Just kidding. You can find Matt at life on the M list. You can find our Facebook page at facebook.com/watchbookcrapins or on Twitter at what crap is. I write Recaps of Rehouse. Rowhouse was at Beverly Hills. And I do readubs. The coming next week episodes. I put those on our Facebook page. Ben does really good photocaps of the shows. We post those on our Facebook page. So come by y'all. Read us too. Listen to us. Read up. Watch us. Live us. Devast. See you next time. Suck us. Bye, everyone. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network of launch the new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, lies a slice finger, slicing, driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there and I still have a hard time with the last name Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com/waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and I love you. A few days ago, Brooke 2 Dean posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments. Thumbs up, Brooke. Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you can save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico. And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag keep climbing. Hashtag savings. Geico, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. If you like Watchbook Crapons, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcast. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/survey. In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the depths of the internet is The Kill List, a cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how it ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C true crime shows like Morebid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out Exhibit C in the Wondery app for all your true crime listening.